The Yak - The First Ever Wipe-Off in Internet History | The Yak 11-30-23
Episode Date: November 30, 2023L CheahYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up.
Hello.
Welcome in.
It's the Yak.
Use promo code YAK.
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Rowback, the most comfortable clothes out there.
Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, fleeces, and vests.
And the Q-Zips.
It's a packed house.
We got Will Compton
and Taylor LeJuan in the house.
Glad to be here, boys. Thank you.
The boys are here.
Guess what we get to do?
What? The challenge.
Yak Challenge.
Very nervous about that. Very, very nervous.
Yak Challenge.
We're at the high score right now.
I know.
I get to do it at the end of the day.
Nick does do it too.
Nick, is your house okay?
Yeah, I almost blew up.
Did you forget to open the flue?
I don't have a flue.
What?
I don't have a flue.
So what did you turn on?
I turned on the gas.
It was like 15 minutes before I had to leave for work,
and I decided to try to turn my fireplace on for the first time ever
by looking at a YouTube video.
So I just turned on the gas.
I had my lighter, and I was in the fireplace.
I was like, wait a second.
And then it wouldn't really turn off.
I just filled my apartment to the brim.
Of gas?
Yeah.
And my windows don't open.
Damn.
Well, my windows are weird. It's um they're real high in my apartment so i have this like shepherd's hook thing that i have to crank
to open my windows and i broke it so if you were to die what would what would happen what would be
the chain of events uh if i caused a spark from my fucking wool socks on the carpet, I would have made my building into a bomb.
If you looked at a picture of Alexandra Daddario.
The friction of my dick rubbing against the zipper of my jeans.
Explode.
Yeah.
Was it a very pungent, hey, my whole house is full of gas?
I was passed out, so I don't know.
Sleeping Beauty.
It was dumb of me, man.
But I thought I could do it, but it was really complex. Yeah, don't do know. Sleeping Beauty. It was dumb of me, man, but I thought I could do it,
but it was really complex.
Yeah, don't do stuff.
Shouldn't.
Never do stuff.
I like doing stuff.
Especially with gas, though.
You're a task rabbit guy.
No, I'm not.
What was complex about it?
Huh?
What was complex?
You turned the gas on.
I turned the gas on.
I couldn't find where the gas was coming from.
I couldn't find the nozzle.
I could smell it. Sure as hell could smell it it's just leaking
in your apartment and the guy that owns the apartment came in and goes oh man yeah it was
it was it was going on for like an hour and he was like i got his specialists wait here i think
he took a shit in my house what's the protocol if you have the record oh yeah his house if you
have the if you have the record for the yak challenge it gets broken
but then you die before you're able
to defend it
I think it's called the Terrania yak challenge
it just takes your name
in memory
I wouldn't even have left dental records
I would have been incinerated
yeah man that would have been sad
happy you didn't die
survivor
yeah he is your survivor yeah
i guess i am why did you why did you get so defensive when he said you're a task rabbit
guy it's like he called you i'm a handy guy no you're not i whoa okay he is is he what are you
doing all right douchebag you had to have me come over you wanted me to come over to help you build
what your desk or something yeah probably yeah i build all i
build everything in my apartment okay i'm a handyman what can you fix what's the best thing
i can switch it to change a tire oh well that's not i didn't know your game that's a that's a
baseline that's baseline yeah that's the baseline no it's literally what can i fit that's like it
for me you're below the baseline. That's a good question.
I don't know what I can fix.
Changing a tire is just a necessity of like you should be able to.
And you actually don't even have to change a tire.
I'm below baseline.
You have to know how.
Can you change your own oil?
With the tools, I could probably use a YouTube video.
All right.
But that's like $20.
What if you bought a new flat screen TV?
Can you hang it up yourself?
Yeah.
Not well. I wouldn't trust it up yourself? Yeah. Not well.
I wouldn't trust it, though.
Yeah.
Anybody else do that?
I would try stuff.
I try things.
No, I'm not exactly good.
I'm a domesticated cat.
There's no way.
I can't.
I'm in that camp.
Yeah, I wasn't familiar with your game.
I thought you were flexing over here.
You were talking mad shit.
You can change it.
I'm talking shit.
I'm sorry.
I'll fall back.
No, you keep talking shit.
Yeah, you got to stay with that now.
All right, pussy.
Change my tire.
I took an iron pouring class.
I know how to be a blacksmith.
You did?
Yeah, in college.
That's cool.
They gave that?
The blacksmith's not going to like that.
Yeah, dude, I could smelt with the best of them.
Give me some ore right now.
None?
TJ, pull up the ore.
Oh, fuck.
We have ore?
Yeah, we have ore.
You missed yesterday a couple things one we have
a new
sport in this office not the
act challenge it's just called fishing for mince
oh pulled off very well
he started walking in front of us
started like whispering words oh don't get it
I watched the episode yeah okay
and then we we should at least let Taylor and Will chime in on the most disgusting two words ever put together in the...
Maybe not put together, but put together by this person.
Steven, would you like to ask their...
He needs to ask a question.
Yeah, ask a question.
With his mouth full.
I just had an Almond Joy.
I've been crushing those things.
Almond Joy.
What? Bottom tier candy. He's been crushing Almond Joys.
Titus brought in like a thousand Almond Joys.
I had a lot of leftovers from Halloween
and I just brought in all the Almond Joys the kids
didn't want. There's a reason why they left them.
You don't want those at all.
We believed you.
Yeah. We didn't need to see it.
The question is, Taylor and Will,
what would you rather give up for a full year?
Hot food of any kind, hot showers or baths, or hot sex?
Any type of good sex.
No, no.
Hot sex.
Hot sex.
You're giving up hot sex.
It's not any type of good sex.
It's hot sex.
Strictly pussy guy, too.
Hot sex.
That's all.
That's easy for me.
That's hot food. answer all right i don't
know if i've had hot sex that's the whole point is that no one ever has called it hot sex
antoine walker was in here he's like we don't call it hot sex what's he mean by we
i guess yeah he was talking about kb have either the hot sex we're saying sex, what were you saying? Like steamy, sweating sex?
No, just any good sex.
Like you're really like...
Taylor, have you ever called somebody and said,
hey, I just had hot sex?
No.
No, but I'm not good at sex.
No.
I've never like rolled over.
Yeah, I'm a big effort guy.
That's about it.
Do you guys have any friends that have like
proclaimed that they're good at sex?
I guess I...
Steve.
Are we all lying?
I guess Steve and Che, yeah. Like a lot lot of dudes in college but then you grow out of that
yeah do they claim to be good or just having a lot of it they would claim to they would like
claim to be okay my boy marky b lays it down sex and golf are the two things that if you say you're
good at i think you're you're a psychopath like no one actually thinks they're good no matter how
good you actually are if you if you say you're good, you're a sociopath of some sort.
It's like saying you have a big dick.
The act of having sex is the accomplishment.
I don't need an accomplishment inside of that.
Has there ever been a person who's humbly been like, yeah, I'm really good at sex?
Like shyly?
Yeah, like, it's one of my things.
I love you guys, and I feel like I know you well enough. I'm really good at fucking. Yeah, like... Guys, I gotta tell you something. It's one of my things. I love you guys, and I feel like I know you well enough.
I'm really good at fucking.
Yeah.
Like, you know, Nick has his, like, little graphic design.
Brandon's got his Chick-fil-A, Big Cat Gambles.
I just...
Really good at sex.
What if Che just measures how good he is at sex on whether he nuts?
He's 100%.
100%.
Another great.
I did it again.
Look at all this bust.
Mission accomplished.
Proof is literally in the pudding.
Oh, fuck you.
Oh, Christ.
Shay.
What's our definition of good sex?
Let's start there.
It's not good sex. It's hot sex. Hot sex. Just laying pipe. What's our definition of good sex? Let's start there It's not good sex, it's hot sex Hot sex
Just laying pipe
What's our definition?
Hot sex is like soap opera
Yeah
Spinner and page
Like her hands down and you flip it over and hold it
There has to be like a mountain in the background
You know
Yeah like a
You're not quite kissing but you're pressing foreheads.
Yeah, maybe France.
Maybe the south of France.
Some sort of time is running out.
Let me be clear.
The only reason it was included with the phrase hot sex
was because it was hot food and hot showers.
Yeah, but you also do –
Those are hot, like temperature hot.
At that point, you already have the hypothetical.
You have hot food and hot water.
You don't need the perfect hypothetical.
You could have just stopped there.
You didn't have to throw in hot sex.
That's the better part of the hypothetical.
We already had a full hypothetical.
Some people enjoy sex, Mark.
Yeah, yes.
I should say I fully –
You have a losing record.
I really enjoy –
He owns your ass.
Think about it that way.
I enjoy, obviously, Titus being an addition to the act but
one of my favorite parts of it is that he has seamlessly filled in for the caleb presley role
of just like yeah you just can't you can't stand i've tried everything i've tried i love it
confronting it i've tried just ignoring it there are times where chase starts talking i just push
the mic away it's the best it's the best kind of like perfect tension.
Caleb used to have, would just, I think that's actually why he left the show.
I mean, moved, but also I think that's why.
That's why I moved.
To get away from Che.
Caleb told me Che's the only person in the world he hates.
He's like, I don't even know who else I put on that list.
And Che.
I talked to him about it.
I pulled Caleb aside at the barstool invitation.
I was like, we got to talk about something. He's like, yeah, go ahead, man. I was like, Che. He's like, can him about it. I pulled Caleb aside at the barstool invitation. I was like, we got to talk about something.
He's like, yeah, go ahead, man.
I was like, Che.
He's like, can't do it.
I talked to Caleb at that event.
I actually kind of miss Caleb.
I know you do.
He hates that.
Yeah.
He hates that.
He's a good dude.
We do a nice talk.
Yep.
With my kids.
I was bringing my kids and we were in the locker room.
And he's like, oh, these are kids. I was like, yeah like yeah he's like so you do have one redeeming quality about you oh man jay there's something
else taylor will what's up how you guys doing how you guys feeling good up up. You were down pretty bad. When? Last week.
Oof, last week.
Yeah.
When I was here?
No, you take the losses hard.
You know.
Are we talking Big Red? No, I don't want to talk Big Red, but I'm just saying you take the losses hard.
You lash out, too.
Yeah, you do lash out.
At times.
At times. At times.
I feel it.
I feel it.
You know what I mean?
When you sweat and bleed for a program, man, you fucking.
Yeah.
Surviving Barstool's been awesome.
I will say this.
Let me bring this up.
The unluckiest team, number one, is Nebraska.
Oh, okay.
It's crazy how that happens almost every year.
It's a graph.
A lot of teams on it.
Yeah.
Who's two?
It's just a graph with a lot of teams on it.
You don't know what the actual information says.
Is this Big Game Boomer?
Give it to Brandon.
How do they define unlucky?
Did you create this?
Just like expected wins and how the games went,
and then they got some measuring number, and Nebraska's the highest.
Does that make you feel better?
Yeah, because a lot of people think I'm delusional.
Well, I know.
Look, you're right.
They use a measuring number.
Yeah, they have a lot of evidence to stand on.
So this says you're actually playing good ball.
You're just not winning.
You're just lucky.
Yeah, I do think that being a Nebraska fan has been one of the more stressful
compared to everybody else type of thing.
It's not like we're just losing and it's just like I'm just upset for no reason.
What makes a team unlucky, though?
Bad calls?
Turnovers?
Yeah.
Turnovers.
Beating yourself?
Shooting yourself in the foot?
Penalty?
That's not bad luck.
They're not bad.
That means they're not very good.
Yeah. Listen. Are we trying to That means they're not very good. Yeah.
Listen.
Are we trying to fucking go there?
No, no.
A little bit because you were pretty rough this past week.
I'd like to dip my toe in.
You know, it sucked that we lost to Iowa and in that fashion.
But after the three games before that one, it was kind of the same story.
Yeah.
But it's not that you lost to Iowa.
You were five and what?
Five and three.
Five and three, and you had multiple bites at the apple.
You lost to Michigan State.
All right, wait.
So definition of postgame win expectancy from the site,
postgame win probability looks at advanced metrics like success rate,
PPA, and scoring opportunities to assess the probability of each team winning
should the game be played again with equivalent stats.
In other words, if you would take all the plays in the game
and shuffle them into random order, how often would each team expect to win?
Okay.
Yeah, but if you're number one in that, that's pretty cool to be number one in that.
Do you think the team themselves are using that as, like, motivation fodder?
No, I hope not.
That's for me.
Hey, wait.
That's motivation fodder.
Did you see that at the bottom?
You got to keep the fans at bay.
Kent State should have had two wins.
Oh, they landed one?
They should have doubled their wins.
That's huge.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good for them.
It's massive.
All right.
Golden flashes.
BC, you don't get down when Wisconsin?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
Of course.
You don't get down when Mississippi, Salem, yeah, yeah, of course, of course. You don't get down with Mississippi Salem?
But you also like –
Always down.
I think there's a point where most people realize your team's not that good,
so you reset.
There's a recalibration that happens in the course of a season.
You don't seem to ever recalibrate.
Let me just ask you, how long do you expect –
how long can they be mediocre before you realize they're mediocre as a program?
Right.
Like the recalibration has never set in for you, whereas I'm like –
like if we had lost against Minnesota, I would have been down,
but I would have also been like, well, what did I expect?
They're not that good this year.
You kind of go into every game being like,
we might be the best team in the world.
No, no I don't.
I might do that just just to hype myself up.
Right.
But, yeah, I don't think we –
I never assume we're going to step on the field
and lose outside of Michigan this year.
Yeah.
Is Minnesota –
I always thought we had a real chance.
Yeah.
Minnesota.
Game-winning field goal.
They beat us.
They rushed the field.
Week one.
I was about to say, are they like a worse Purdue?
When it comes to major sports?
They're weird.
They don't get the highs that Purdue gets.
That's what I'm saying.
They're so bad, they're not even Purdue level.
Yeah.
They're hockey.
The Big Ten West is a very unique.
It's fun.
Yeah, it's fun, but they're all kind of the same exact team.
Iowa just figured out a way to win more.
It's just kind of, yeah.
We're all variations of Iowa.
When's the last time Minnesota had a huge win?
Football or basketball?
2019.
Yeah.
They beat Penn State at home.
They've had some good basketball teams, just not elite.
Yeah, they win hockey.
They've had some good teams.
Hockey team's good, yeah.
Yeah, hockey team's good.
It's been a while, though.
They're dog shit now.
Nebraska basketball's 7-0.
I did see that.
Yeah, they got Creighton this weekend.
Rivalry game.
Yeah.
Just pivot to that.
That's what everyone else does.
It's like you volleyball.
You do volleyball.
A little sports.
Just a tiny bit.
Soccer.
Pivot to basketball.
Not mostly to sports.
Off ball.
Yeah, we just got to get football back.
And, you know, I'm more, I like to be optimistic.
I know Nebraska fans, I know everybody's been down for like a decade.
And people need hope
yeah and we are close that's the part here's the thing that hurts yeah that's yeah that's
okay i'll stop no go ahead no you're not as far as no you know how close you are you guys are
close it is true like the entire big 10 west is literally like Iowa's 1.0 of Iowa.
Wisconsin's like 8 tenths of Iowa.
Nebraska's like 5 tenths of Iowa.
We're all Iowa.
Right.
We're just a different variation of Iowa.
Right.
Do you think they would do better or worse in the Big 12?
Better.
Yeah.
They don't play defense.
Yeah.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Why are you asking him?
Get some words in. Why are you asking him?
Word count up.
Get a quote out of him.
Your guys' Vegas trip was crazy.
Steve will do it.
That was a movie.
It was.
Was it a fucking movie?
Was it a movie?
It was a wild deal, that's for sure.
But I know we had the whole talk about a movie and how I can't say movie,
but it was legitimately a movie. It was awesome. It was whole talk about a movie and how I can't say a movie, but it was legitimately a movie.
It was awesome.
It was as close to a movie as you could get without a big movie.
So Dana was down, I think, Thursday night?
Was it the first night we were there?
Yeah.
He was down a million dollars, and then he came back and ended up winning $70,000.
The second night, he was down $2 million.
And then at 11 a.m.
Well, around 3 a.m., he got up to like down $10,000, and then it quickly went downm well around 3 a.m he got up to like down ten thousand dollars and then it
quickly went down to five hundred thousand dollars and around 11 a.m he just was like i'll be back i
have to go to a meeting so he went to a meeting he just wasn't sleeping and ufc fight night yeah
and ufc fight like he had a whole bunch of stuff he had to do and so we hung out for a little bit
went to do some stuff for f1 and then i I was going to go back and go to sleep.
I was like, you know, let me just play a couple more hands.
I'm not in Vegas.
I don't live here.
Let me go play.
And Steve will do it is there, and we were, like,
joking around about paying off Dana's marker of $500,000,
and we both took $10,000 out and paid off the marker.
Holy shit.
Just one.
Damn.
So you gave him the money?
We paid off his marker, yeah.
Why would you do that yeah
he's done a lot for me okay i would have kept that that's uh that's a uh pretty rich guy rich
guy but it's a nice move yeah no it's a good move i i just want everyone here to know that i would i
would i'd keep that as you should yeah i wouldn't pay off your marker thank you i don't want you to
it's good bad friends i get it now i'll gotta get somewhere and then roll credits movie over movie's over
yeah that was the short form that was the elevator pitch good guys win was he appreciative
yeah how did he how did he react was he did he like clutch his heart
he uh well we called him he was fired up and then he called me when i was up in the room
and i told him the story yeah he was fired up. And then he called me when I was up in the room.
And I told him the story.
Yeah, he was super appreciative.
Absolutely.
And then we went down.
I guess he'll pay it back eventually.
Yeah, I don't know.
Like next time you gamble.
So that's good karma.
Good karma.
Yeah, really good karma. That's what you need.
Yeah, yeah.
That's really good karma.
With a stream tonight.
Yeah.
Maybe we'll just win it all tonight.
Yeah.
Wow.
Stream tonight.
I bet you get a nice gift.
Yeah, you get something nice. You get some nice. You didn't win it all tonight. Yeah. Wow. Stream tonight. I bet you get a nice gift. Yeah, you get something nice.
You get some nice.
You can't do things for people with the expectation of getting something back, right?
No, you definitely can.
Definitely can.
Yeah?
I don't know how the world works.
How many things do you do without expecting anything in return?
No, I mean, you just, like, in the back of your head when you do something, you're like,
maybe I'll get something back.
This will pay off one day. Every now and then, yeah. Hard work pays off. Yeah. I like that. Dreams come true. the back of your head when you do something you're like maybe i'll get something back this
will pay off one down then yeah hard work pays off yeah like dreams come true yeah i mean you
definitely have moments where you do it and you're like i don't need anything in return but there's
there's absolutely like if you do a chore around the house you're not like now your turn is that
how you feel about jersey jerry what do you mean you do so much for jerry you think eventually this
is going to pay off for me.
That's your boy.
Yeah, I don't think.
I just think he's funny.
Yeah, but you guys do the parlays.
You cut him off a slice.
Oh, yeah.
Do you think Jerry would pay off your marker?
Yeah, if he could.
If he could win, yeah, I think he would.
Absolutely.
I don't think he can win.
He's kind of a loser in that respect.
No, I mean, the parlays are just fun. I like i like to gamble with my friends that's not really even nothing it's also like it's such a it's like a
not even close they're never gonna hit not even they're never gonna hit they're never how close
have you been in those we've won away and it's never gonna hit it's always one way it's never
gonna hit so it's like it's fun it's a fun thing to do with your friends the worst is when you put
a nice little parlay and you feel real comfortable about it, and then the first leg doesn't hit.
Yeah.
And you're like, oh, well, that was stupid.
All that for nothing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, KB, where are you going next week?
Are you going out of town?
Nick and I are going to New York Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
Ah.
For what?
We have a series that we do.
Oh, the game series.
Yeah.
Oh.
Why don't you get Ronan Francis to come out here?
KB.
I guess I do, yeah. The way you operated in Codenames was out of- Do it for- Thank you. the game series yeah oh why don't you get ronan sess or ronan fritz come out here kb i guess
the way you operated in code names was out of uh do it thank you because i didn't watch it you can't
do that so much table what did i do you're not allowed to talk i cheated for a video is this
your first day at the stool at the stool you're doing tricks on the rule book. You're not supposed to allude to anything.
You're lubing up the manual.
When you get the number and the word.
Choking on the handbook, bro.
This is content.
Okay, in the spirit of that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
It's all bits and content for sure.
No, he didn't know how to play.
Yeah, I cheated a little bit.
The only rule is you can't talk.
I knew the rule, and I thought it would be better for the video if I cheated rather than just played poorly. You made that executive decision?
Yeah.
Mid, yeah.
In real time.
Knee jerk.
What's Fasoli doing?
What's he doing?
I don't know.
What are you doing, Fasoli?
Did you bend any rules in Surviving Barstool?
I haven't seen it.
I haven't seen you bend any rules.
First three episodes are out.
I've seen all the episodes.
They've been great.
Why is he shooting us?
I don't know why he's shooting us.
Fasoli's got this thing about him.
Is somebody coming in?
Are we about to get pranked?
No, I don't think.
What's going on?
What do you want?
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Why are you standing there?
You never stand there.
He answered.
By who?
Oh, something's happening.
Oh, Mincy has entered the screen.
Oh, yeah.
Don't be obvious.
Don't be obvious.
Oh, my God.
What is going on?
Something's weird.
Hmm.
Why did you do this, Brandon?
Why did I do what?
I didn't do anything.
Huh.
Huh.
I didn't do that.
Brandon Walker.
Reserve parking for Brandon Walker.
He took the handicapped spot outside.
Oh, my.
Brandon.
Brandon.
Wow.
Brandon Walker.
Brandon T. Walker.
T. Brandon Walker.
Brandon, that's felonious.
That is.
You should be arrested.
Who's going to arrest me?
That was not cleared by the department.
I will have someone arrest you.
You can't take out a handicapped spot.
Okay.
All right. You took off the handicapped shot. Okay, all right.
You took off the handicaps?
No, I didn't.
Which one of you sons of bitches is doing this?
I didn't do it.
I'm literally sitting here.
I just got texted.
I don't have a sign that says Brandon Walker.
One of you, somebody's framing me.
Brandon?
Are you framing?
Wait, why is it your car in the picture?
Correct.
Thomas Brandon Walker.
Did your car get towed?
Mike.
How dare you? Oh, shit. Oh, Walker. Did your car get towed? My. How dare you?
Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
Did his car get towed?
I don't think his car got towed.
I don't think so.
There's Mincy.
Oh, yeah.
Mincy was like, I have an idea for the act today.
We set a time for my half marathon.
That's a segment.
You guys.
Yeah.
We can elaborate on a time. All right. Done. Brandon T. Walker. Wait. That's a segment You guys Two hours
All right done
Brandon T. Walker
Can we cut the cameras to
Is his car gone?
I hope he runs into the glass
Do we have exterior?
Oh learn today Brandon's a dirty car guy
Yeah
What's a
Define dirty car
Rappers on the floor.
Pass through a bag.
Bottle of water.
Like hot chicks in college.
Multiple.
Like I could tell you everything he's eaten for the last two weeks.
Dirty car guy.
Yeah, it reminds me every time I was in a hot chicks car.
Yeah, hot chicks have disgusting cars, right?
You know what I'm talking about, Nick.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I was unfaithful it
was it was too much yeah they do I'll just think you don't talk about you get
plus hot chicks have good cars or dirty cars disgusting cars the dirtier the car
the cleaner the pussy is what they say isn't that right taylor oh yeah no question taylor's got times you open
the door and it just fucking just an avalanche i'm a hot girl yeah clean pussy i'm not a clean
car guy but i also like if it's food items i get rid of it yeah that's kind of more like a water
bottle like i'm water bottles clothes, that kind of stuff.
Food is gross.
Like I could probably like if you're like, hey, we need like four sets of clothes.
I'm like, no problem.
Like I got a suit.
I got like weird shit I just never take out.
Right.
But food, if somebody's like, hey, you need to clean your car,
and they just see it as a big deal, but really you could clean it out with one trip.
Is his car actually gone?
Who did it?
I don't know.
It could be anyone.
Who gets my respect?
He's head down walking right now.
He's sad.
What's going on, Brandon?
I don't know.
Did it get towed?
I don't know.
Did it get towed?
No.
No. Oh. My car did not get towed. So who did the- My Did it get towed? I don't know. Did it get towed? No. No.
Oh.
My car did not get towed.
So who did the...
My car is not...
Is this Smokes?
I don't know.
Do you guys know, Fasoli?
The page, you know?
Obviously, both of you know because you just showed up before this happened.
Yeah, who told you to send the text, Fasoli?
And I sent Big Cat with question marks.
Yeah.
I have to figure out what's happening.
Is this Smokes?
Where is Smokes?
I don't know. Go get him. There's no way Smokes? I don't know.
Go get him.
There's no way Smokes is doing that.
That's a little elaborate for the Smokes brain.
Smokes?
You yelled at the security guard?
I didn't yell at him.
Oh.
Brandon, come on, bro.
You talk down to people?
No.
You're never beating the dude.
You're behind the camera. You think they're less No, I did not. You're never beating the dude. You feel behind the camera you think they're less than?
I did not.
That's not what happened.
That's not what happened.
I didn't yell.
Smokes.
No way it was smokes.
Smokes.
No way.
Smokes.
It's working, though.
Wait, can we go back to the sign?
Is it just computer paper?
Is it an actual sign?
No, it's an actual sign.
Hang on, hang on.
Air.
It's a tasteful choice of Helvetica.
How'd you talk to that boy?
I drove up this morning.
We were the only two in the parking lot.
I was like, so you're parking in six now, huh?
And then he said, is that your spot?
I said, yeah.
And I said, don't worry about it.
I'm just kidding.
And he says, well, I'll move.
And I said, no, don't move.
I'm just kidding.
And then he says – I didn't yell at him.
You know I didn't.
Sounds like you kind of yelled at him.
Obviously, I didn't yell at him.
Did you holler? I didn't holler. I didn't yell. It was very calm. Why are you ho like you kind of yelled at him. Obviously, I didn't yell at him. Did you holler?
I didn't holler.
I didn't yell.
It was very calm.
Why are you hollering right now?
I'm not hollering right now.
Why is this?
Maybe you realize you fucked up and you're changing.
Did you say, like, no, don't move, like, cunty?
No, I did not say cunty.
This is the rare thing.
Oh, no, please don't move.
I have nothing to do with this, so I don't really know what's going on.
No, I'm lost.
But here's the thing.
I mean, you can move, but you don't have to here's the thing i mean how does it work with handicap
parking on a on a private like lot do we have to have handicap parking i feel like we do to have a
building yes you you are breaking the law but i didn't do that and my car's not in that spot and
my car is still in another spot which which is untold. So if I had done that, wouldn't I have put my car in that spot?
Who did this?
But then it would be obvious you did it.
Yeah, it would be obvious you did it if you put your car in there.
But if I was parking there, yeah, that's what the end goal would be, right?
You've got to find smokes.
Go find smokes.
Is that not the spot you typically park in?
No, I had to park in four.
Six was taken.
Where's Smokes?
He's gone.
He's coming down.
Smokes is coming down.
Smokes. Do you think you got smoked it's possible i got smoked but there's no real payoff here
no no but that's the beauty of a smoke there's no you don't have to have a payoff
yeah nicky smokes pranks he doesn't there is no payoff there's no foresight
well we'll find out when nicky smokes gets here i guess yeah
okay we'll we'll get it fixed.
Smokes walked into our studio as I was sitting at the desk
and just goes, I'm built different.
He might have done the LeBron thing and then hit his chest,
and I had no context for it.
And then I was like, what are you talking about, Smokes?
And he goes, I got the Hooters girls' numbers.
Oh.
The Hooters girls' numbers, he came up to me and goes tell me i won't get it
what did you do come here come here smoke sit down what did you do
is this smokes did you smoke did you do this i didn't smoke my prank is way worse than that
is we're talking the mic your prank is way worse than that yeah like way worse so who did this
what happened the parking spot look
the reserve the that's a hard-ass pick brand that just went up there
and you didn't do it damn that's crazy okay i didn't do that mine's way worse than that though
what would you oh i can't tell you because then he's gonna know it's me well he's gonna know it's
me i don't i can't tell their prankster in this office other i don't think he got pranked i think people are probably just fed up with him parking there every
day oh that's my best guess okay but yeah i didn't do it all right thank you smokes whoever did it i
envy their game yeah it's a good good move yeah um by the way speaking of uh smokes so you guys tell me if i'm way off and if i am out of touch with the people uh we the
schedule is getting a little like packed here at the end of december so we were gonna have a holiday
party and i personally think holiday parties are wildly overrated i've never been to one here so
i said to erica instead of doing a holiday party can we use that money and just do lunch for the office for like all of January?
And she said yes.
That's way better, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
By far.
I didn't want to be like the guy who's like, we're not having a holiday party.
Everyone's like, fuck you.
We wanted a holiday party.
Taylor, you kind of disagreed.
No, no, no, no.
I agree with that.
That's a good move.
Like lunch every day is awesome.
Yeah.
Awesome.
I've never been to one holiday party ever.
It's not i i think you just everyone feels like you have to do it but it's like
holiday parties friends different but like work holiday party like you go out with people if you
guys are here hanging out every day right exactly our life is a holiday yeah okay so i'm i'm not
yeah let's with the money you're saving With a free lunch Every day
I thought I
That's way better
For a month
I just didn't want to be the guy
Who's like
Everyone's like
Fuck, why didn't we have a holiday party
It's my one chance to fuck Blatman
We're not like a holiday party crew
Yeah, right
This crew
It's all dudes
Right
I gotta see him bouncing on me
I'm gonna be rich in January now
I'm like pumped for that
Because of the lunch
Yeah, free lunch
It's huge
Yeah
It's gonna be awesome We'll even have Chef Donny Like, I'm like pumped for that. Because of the lunch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
This will be all.
If you're have, we'll even have chef Donnie.
Like I was thinking about it. We'll, we'll set it up so that we know what we're going to have every day.
And we'll also have chef Donnie, like a couple of days, he'll make it so we can go buy stuff.
It'll be, we'll make content out of it too.
Yeah.
I think if you're at the holiday party and you're like, Hey, good to see you.
And then you're like, Hey, did you hear what we were going to do?
But they didn't do it.
Right. What is it? We were supposed to get lunch all of january
but instead they want to do the holiday party everybody would be like damn the lunch would be
way better yeah yeah yeah hell yeah like we could also just go out we go out friends yeah we can
still do a holiday party ish yeah right we could be like, hey, let's go to a bar.
I think we're going to do.
And you're 100% paying the tab there.
Yeah, I probably will.
Yes, I actually will.
I might even do that.
We might even just be like, hey, anyone wants to go to a bar?
That's way better.
Yeah.
We get lunch.
I love that.
Okay.
All right.
How much do you all hang out?
You're seeing the field?
Yeah, I didn't want to be because I don't go out anymore.
So I'm also a little out of it in that respect.
These guys, probably a couple times a week.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
A lot of people in the office go out all the time together.
So it's like, what's the, you know.
Who do you hang out with?
I never leave the office.
I was going to invite you out this weekend, actually.
I never, yeah. I live, I to invite you out this weekend, actually. I never, yeah.
I fucking live here now.
Workaholic.
Yeah, just grind it.
Live to work or work to live?
No, I've been out with you guys, right?
I don't know.
Yeah, we had a good time.
Feels like it.
Yeah, feels like it.
I don't think.
I have a vague recollection of.
It would be funny if we did a holiday party where we just all had to go work in a cubicle for a day.
That would be funny.
Yeah.
That suit tie, the whole thing?
Yeah.
If I had to do that, I would fucking kill myself.
HR meetings.
Brandon's still hollering at someone, huh?
Yeah, he's mad.
Yeah, what's...
He's worked up, dude.
Where is he?
Very worked up. Big talk-down-to guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's mad yeah what's he's worked up where is he very worked up big talk down to guy
yeah yeah he's been working on that he's been working on that but yeah yeah if you're joking
with the with the old boy about the parking spot oh so you're gonna park at six now oh yeah can
be like i'm just fucking around dude just oh immediately nikki smokes just texted me said
you canceling the holiday party is the lamest thing you ever did.
Oh, yeah.
That's how you know it's a good idea.
That party was for him.
Yeah.
Well, there was part of the calculation was, like,
it is just a liability and Nicky Smokes being the number one liability.
I'll send out a poll.
I'll let people decide.
I'll have maybe – Stephen, can you send out, like, an email,
like a blind poll email?
Yeah, like a Google form, yeah.
Yeah.
30 lunches, come on.
Let me voice my strong favorite for a 20-lunch-from month.
Yeah.
20 lunches?
I'd take 15.
10.
Easily.
10.
Did you go 10?
Yeah, because I wouldn't even
want to do
a holiday party
that's
so that was the part
that I don't
like I
don't want to do
a holiday party
but I didn't want to
take it from people
who may want to do
a holiday party
so that's why
like I personally
like when we had
holiday parties
in New York
like I would go
for like 5 minutes
so I know that
I am not the one
who should die.
I don't think holiday parties are all bad because it does kind of force you to talk to people you don't maybe talk a lot to.
I'm just saying, I think if you're someone who's pro-holiday party, which I am not, but I'm just trying to see the other side.
There are situations where, because we do all talk to each other, but we all talk to the same people every day here right every day so maybe you get around some people i will see in the office but you don't really talk to them but now
if you're stuck in a conversation with with a co-worker you don't want to talk to i will i
we could do both too we could just take no we could take the free lunch you're letting nikki
smokes dictate it no i'm saying we take the free lunch then i could just get a tab somewhere and
be like everyone who wants to come come for you know a couple hours I think we do teams teams of like four teams and we all split
up and go where we want to go it's like a Friday night yeah yeah I think they sound better than
they actually are yeah you're kind of like oh yeah let's give it a shot and then the day comes
you're like oh fuck we get the holiday party tonight because even the scenario I just laid out
right you're right no I think you actually we got the holiday party tonight. Because even the scenario I just laid out. Like, what are you wearing? Right. You're right. No, I think you actually, once you get there,
you just gravitate towards the people you already hang out with.
It's more of like a social experiment.
Not in New York.
Oh, really?
That's what I did like when I first started.
You get drunk and you talk to people that you don't talk to in the office.
You don't ever talk to in the office.
It's kind of fun.
Yeah.
But now, nah.
In corporate America, it's a big, like, you wake up the next day
and you're like, oh, Martin from fucking accounting was nuts last night. Yeah. It's a big like You wake up the next day And you're like Oh Martin from fucking accounting
Was nuts last night
Yeah
It's that kind of thing
You're like waiting for one guy
To fuck up
Alright well we'll let the poll decide
I lean no
But again I am
What's up Brandon
Old man who's out of the game
What's going on
Nothing
What happened
Why are you out of breath
Pros and cons
I had to walk 30 feet
Pros and cons
Pros and cons
What'd you do, Will?
Do what?
Do the holiday party?
I was leaning no, but.
Oh, we're doing a lunch holiday party thing?
Titus was bringing up some good points, and then it is.
No, I don't want to bring.
Fuck, why don't I?
You're talking on the other side of it.
I was more defending if there is anybody who does voice that they would like a holiday party.
I don't necessarily think that that's an insane position to have.
Can I just see how legit it is?
Oh, it's so legit.
And Mark, newer people.
Oh, yeah.
Or people that work in the offices.
Yeah.
That do the grunt work.
That's where it's more like, you you know let loose a little bit more right
have some conversations but 30 lunches is that's amazing yeah that's a lot of lunches that's a game
change that's how would it go would it then be like you don't you never know what you had until
you lost like if we do lunch for all of january everyone's like fuck that's true
fucking blow
Chick-fil-a here might go out of business oh man this is
getting more complicated
yeah
yeah KB's cold shower
theory yeah don't make yourself
too comfortable exactly
gotta live with discomfort
and discomfort is being drunk talking
to someone who works here that you've never talked to
before fuck that's discomfort that is I still can't And discomfort is being drunk talking to someone who works here that you've never talked to before. Fuck.
That's discomfort.
That is.
I still can't sensitize myself to that, to social discomfort.
We could let the wheel decide, too.
What, Steven?
In our office or would we be going to a bar?
I think we'd be going to a bar.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's a little bit more fun.
I think you got to go holiday party. Yeah? I don't know. 30 lunches. I think you gotta go holiday party Yeah?
I don't know
30 lunches
What if you got like
30 lunches
It's a lot of lunches
It's a lot of lunches
I will do whatever the majority wants to do
I'm not
Like I said
I am the last person who should decide
Because
I don't go out
Yeah
So I can't
It'd be like if I was
It'd be like if I didn't eat
And I was like Well yeah of course I want the holiday party Because I don't eat food'd be like if I was, it'd be like if I didn't eat and I was like, well, yeah, of course
I want the holiday party because I don't eat food.
Would it be a bring a date situation?
I don't know.
Would it be?
Plus ones.
Nikki smokes would be rolling up with five Hooters girls.
That could be.
Yeah.
That'd be awkward for us, Brandon.
Steve, can we do, um.
Yeah, Steve.
Can we have a magician that comes to your table at the bar?
We got a magician.
I don't know.
That's now more money, though.
Hey, what's that spot in Cabo?
They do something every 30 minutes.
Yeah, what's a spot in Cabo?
Yeah, every 20 minutes after 9 p.m.
There's a show going on while you're having dinner.
It turns into a late-night club.
Yeah, it's sick.
What's up, Spock and Sheboygan?
Magician just comes up to your table.
He's like, hey, you guys want to see a trick?
So what about no party, but we get the magician?
And instead of the lunches, a magician comes in every day.
We take for money.
A magician every day.
Every day for a month.
A magician every day for a month.
I would do that.
A magician every day for a month.
Wait, that's the perfect in-between.
January. That's the perfect in between. January.
That's the perfect middle ground.
Every day at lunchtime, a magician comes in.
Oh, amazing.
I'm so down for that.
A daily magician.
Are there 30 different magicians in Chicago?
I want a different magician every day.
Yeah, I want a variety.
Good, bad, great, spooky.
Spooky would be cool.
A witch. An actual witch would be cool. What about a themed holiday party? Yeah, I want a variety like good bad great spooky. Yes
An actual witch would be cool. Yeah, what about like a high-end holiday party tiny? What kind of like mad magician every like a murder mystery type thing or something like that? Oh
People people wouldn't buy in paid actors coming in. Oh keep it spooky. That's pretty cool people come in
There's a murder someone's laying on the ground. Who did it? Everyone has a character.
A carnival would be fun then, too.
Inflatables in here.
Yeah.
Throw a dart at a balloon.
Petting zoo.
What about magicians, though?
Oh.
A magician a day.
49 bucks.
I like the magician a day a lot.
I really do.
Whoa.
Look at that guy.
This website's called Jig Salad.
Jig Salad. That's big. I was just about to tweet. This website's called Jig Salad.
Jig Salad.
That's Jig.
I was just about to tweet a poll. Jig?
I was just about to tweet a poll, but now do I have to add magician?
Would you rather have a holiday party, free lunch every day for a month, or magician every week?
Magician's winning that poll.
Yeah, the magician's going to win the poll.
Landslide. I don't think I can winning that poll. Yeah, the magician's going to win the poll. Landslide.
So I don't think I can do that anymore.
Larry Wurtz.
We gotta see Larry Wurtz.
Wait, that's Kazar the time wave?
Time wave wizard.
That's Kazar?
Look at that
eye move.
Future arrives.
Kazaar, the time wave wizard.
With magical enigmas and comedy that will amaze and delight.
Oh, this is a hard to read.
Big cat.
I mean, listen.
Here's the thing about the rabbit hole we've just gone down.
We're getting a magician to come most days, at least in January.
No matter what.
That is going to happen.
That will be out of my own pocket.
This has been space and time.
Look at this.
We need this guy.
So, TJ, we need to figure out a schedule,
and we just need to have a magician come every day.
I'll pay for it myself.
No problem.
Is that Chaps?
It might be.
What's he doing?
What the fuck is he doing?
That's just air in the balloon.
I don't know if he's good.
Whoa.
So we need to figure this out.
Now, this is a classic case.
Play a little.
I was trying to ask a question, and now it's going to cost me.
A lot more money.
It's going to cost me a lot more money, but I'm cool.
Like, this is money that pays.
This pays for itself.
Well, this is $200.
Kazar was $200 an hour.
Right.
That's probably less than lunch.
Right.
No, that's what I'm saying.
No, no.
Now we're doing.
So holiday party and lunch is a separate poll.
And now the magician. Magician of the day is what i'm just going to do jik january yeah that's just what i'm going to be doing myself oh or just the office magician mondays oh no but that's not
every magician tuesdays i would like to try to do every day for as long as we could yeah we need it
every day because i think there will be a point where we're all just like, this isn't
fucking... We're on day 10 straight.
I hate it.
I want to start heckling him. I'm not looking forward to the magic.
Yeah, I just want to be so jaded
for magic, being like, alright, dude.
Yeah, just fucking hide the quarter.
Yeah, I want to heckle the magician.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
I wasn't wrong. yeah I wasn't off
You let Nicky Smokes get to you
Yeah I did let Nicky Smokes get to me
He's texting all his hoes right now
Holiday party cancelled
Yeah
Alright so magician
Every day
TJ we have to figure
We have to strategically figure this out
Che I'm gonna use you on it
and put my best guys
on it
Che
you're my best guy
for better or worse
you are my best guy
so we need to
oh my god
don't do that
we need to start
I would like to hire
the magician I think
for 30 minutes
yeah that's perfect
so you
to come on during
Yak or is this
not even
I think during
I think it's but then the Yak fans will probably be like this is annoying we could change the times to come on during Yak or is this not even true?
I think it's but then the Yak fans
will probably be like
this is annoying.
We could change the times.
I think the first few
should be one.
We should definitely do
Magician Week on the Yak
and then maybe just have
a magician show up
and like it doesn't even matter
like if people want to
like they could just be doing
they could just be doing
stuff to no one out there.
Yeah.
What if it's like a
Right? Like that's like we don't have to pay one out there. What if it's like a – Right?
We don't have to pay attention.
Yeah.
It could be like a Johnny Carson deal where they come in at like 1130
and they do their whole thing, and if we like them, we invite them on the app.
Yeah, they got to earn the trip to the couch.
You wave them over to the couch.
Just put them on half court.
It's going to be everything.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Does that guy have –
Oh, my God.
That's Steve Bellevue.
Go up. I want to see that guy's – The face on the palm. He's going to be everything. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Does that guy have- Oh, my God. That's Steve Bellevue. Go up.
I want to see that guy's-
The face on the palm.
He's got a clear hand.
Oh, shit.
Love that.
Okay, so we need to-
So, Steven, that's a full-
Is that a full-
It's a full balloon bike.
Like all these guys.
I think that was a car, Tyrus.
Wait, what?
That was a car?
I think that was a car.
I don't think that was a bike.
Go back up.
Wait, click on that beast.
That's some sort of car.
Is that a bike or-
It's a jalopy.
And how much are these?
A full car.
How much are these usually? Oh, cool. 150? So, so it's like 200 bucks how many days are there in january
31 no i know but work days dummy well that wasn't really that wasn't nice one two yeah this guy
it's just a balloon already no he's good that's dark magic well Well, the second, it's going to be as many days almost as possible.
Magician Mike Andraschak.
That looks wrong. Because the first is a Monday.
Yeah, wait a minute.
That looks like it's 2004.
22 days.
22 days of magic.
If each one, let's just say I have to tip to five grand for a full month of magic?
That's nothing.
That's nothing.
That's the best money I'll ever spend in my life.
So we have to get a schedule.
And so you guys think we should have them come at 1130 so they start?
And we catch the tail end of their act?
Or do they?
People will turn on this fast.
Right.
So I'm trying to figure out what.
I think we have to maybe do magic
week to start january yeah i think it's like uh you could probably put together a good roster for
five days for five days or you got the illusion shit like the chris angel type stuff i want the
low-end guys you don't go weak for card magic your mind like you know dudes are like i'm gonna
figure out what's in your mind yeah yeah you know what i'm saying mentalists i started severance is great but then them just doing it
out there would be fine what episode right seven and then like we catch the tail end getting there
they're doing another conversation yeah we'll talk later i think actually now that i'm thinking
about it i think we should build a stage on the far side. Yes. And they can just do it over there.
Yeah. Yeah. So we could
watch it or not watch it.
Mincy has to watch.
Yes. We have Mincy be their audience every now and then.
Sit in a chair right in front every single day.
Yep. Yes.
Do you think Mincy could like
OD on awe and wonder?
We'll
have Mincy be the...
Mincy will decide whether they get invited on the Yak or not.
No, no, no.
He'll say all of them.
That's a bad idea.
Yeah, yeah.
Mincy will be talking to them the whole time.
Yeah.
Okay, so Steven and TJ, let's get on this.
That'll be the third act.
Let's get on this.
We'll start scheduling our magicians.
January is going to be so magical.
I'm excited now. What's Chef Donnie
doing? Brandon Marshall's back. Is he really?
Yeah. Brandon Marshall just works here now.
Look at this.
What the hell's happening?
He can serve some delicious food. Dude, he
loves us. Why is he dressed like Jeff
Goldblum commercial?
He is.
Is he doing something with Chef Donnie?
Yes.
Oh, he did something yesterday with him.
How many days in a row does Brandon Marshall have to show up
before it's no longer cool?
Yeah.
Like a year?
A year.
At what point are we like –
He's trying to avoid him.
Yeah, what are you doing here?
Do you guys know Brandon at all?
Did you ever play on the same field? No. What year did he retire? He's trying to avoid him. What are you doing here? Do you guys know Brandon at all? Did you ever play on the same field?
No.
What did he retire?
He's 39, 2014.
What, 14?
I was just guessing.
Oh, that's easy.
I bet you guys crossed paths.
Maybe 15.
You might be closer.
You might be right.
No, I think he was on the Jets.
Surely y'all crossed paths.
He was on the Jets until 2014 or 15, I want to say.
Didn't we – he knew you guys because we did the –
No, he's standing right there.
Yeah.
So, 18.
We're discussing when he played.
Well, I'll introduce you.
I know him well.
You want me to text him?
Yeah.
Give him a call.
Took my phone.
Put his number in.
Great guy.
I like this.
Did he just come back for Donnie's food?
Maybe.
I think he did.
Well, he was here to do something else.
Oh.
He has like nine shows.
Hi.
Hi, Brandon Marshall.
You just work here now.
You just work here now.
Okay.
You got to check him on the –
Wait, I think he's doing a video.
I saw the Yak Challenge,
and you guys didn't have him behind the line on throwing the football.
Oh.
No, it's fine. We cam newton a a again a
free pass yeah it's not the player's fault for a bad call well you're not going to forfeit the win
cam didn't actually knock over a bottle will and he kept throwing it and then he hit the table
and it knocked over the hitting the table knocked over all the bottles and we were like you know
what cam you know what a former nfl mvp quarterback you don't need to all the bottles. And we were like, you know what, Cam? You know what, former NFL MVP quarterback?
You don't need to hit the bottle.
Brandon's like running around,
thought maybe should I go get the ball for him?
We might be here forever if we wait on you to throw a football.
Just go ahead, man.
Taylor, week 13, 2015, you guys played.
What up, Brandon?
Week 15, 2015.
Week 13, 2015.
Oh, word.
You guys got...
I was actually just Googling.
Demar, can you just work here now?
You can.
Hey, this stuff is... Will, this
place is crazy. Back for round two.
Hey, we were just talking. I would watch your yak challenge.
You weren't behind the line on the
football throw. You're getting a phone call.
Yeah. You're getting a phone call. Yeah.
You could feel it.
That's not a phone.
What the hell is that?
My girl got the little controller.
Oh, in your butt?
Yeah.
Oh.
Wait, how was the show last night?
It was good.
It was amazing.
Hello, Will.
Do you know Taylor, too?
Let's tell Taylor Wong.
Taylor Wong.
Look, he lost all his weight.
No.
What's up, brother?
Good to see you.
I don't even know you anymore.
Yep.
You lost all his weight.
He's a girl now, too.
You look amazing.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, I'm in the middle of transitioning.
Yeah, that's right.
These are awesome.
What's that?
You're in the middle of what?
Transitioning.
Transitioning.
They flipped his shaft inside out to make it a cooch.
Right.
2023.
It's a shallow cooch.
Well, this is Boris, so I don't know.
Is this a...
No, no, no.
Will doesn't have a pussy.
Taylor doesn't have a pussy.
He loves pussy.
He loves vagina.
It actually hurts more than it didn't know.
I thought we were going to have a good time.
And now we're not having so much of a good time.
I'm not quite sure.
Oh, very cool. Y'all want to be respectful.
Yeah, that was super respectful of you.
I'm a dude.
Married, got two kids.
We'll find out in about five or six years.
Yo, you're not beating the pussy allegation.
No, no.
Damn.
You are married.
We'll wait until after the show.
I'll show you.
It'll be a nice deal.
I love bussing with the boys.
Yeah.
Appreciate that, man.
Will, did you?
Is that a real bus?
Real bus.
Real bus.
Doesn't move.
Does it move?
No.
No.
Shit.
We bought a new bus, though.
We do have a new bus.
Yeah, that bus travels.
A little short bus.
Goes about 55.
Yeah.
Will, were you ever on the same field as Brandon?
I don't think so.
When was your last year, Brandon?
2018.
We never played against each other.
Surely.
You played for the Titans.
You played for the Raiders too, right?
Yeah, but 18, I was with Washington until 18.
I played against Washington.
Probably highlights.
Easily verifiable.
What teams were you on 14 to 18?
Where were you 14 to 18?
14 to 18 was Washington.
2015 Jets.
Y'all came to MetLife.
What'd we do?
We won.
Somebody check that.
What'd we do? I was matched up against Blackman.
Oh, Willie B.
They got to narrow it down.
Boom.
Plus two on the left side.
It's going to pain Bill to hear this.
Wide release them.
Hit them with the right hand club.
And then he had my right hand.
And then I stuck out the left.
It was beautiful.
Uh-oh.
See?
Oh, no.
Can y'all pull up the highlight?
Day one, are you sure?
Did you play in this game?
What week was it?
2015.
Yeah, you played.
Yeah, but I didn't take over until week nine.
You ready to go?
I got it.
Oh, you ready?
Camera's out there.
Oh, you're already leaving?
Yeah, we got to go to the airport.
Time to go.
All right, you're going to be back, though.
You just came to get Chef Donnie?
No, I was in the back doing my show.
I got a little daily show.
It's called Paper Route.
Been developing that. And so I was out in the back doing it. That's where I've been here the last two days? No, I was in the back doing my show. I got a little daily show. It's called Paper Route. Been developing that.
And so I was out
in the back doing it.
That's where I've been here
the last two days.
Yeah, I know.
Anytime you need to use
our studios, come on back.
Well, I'm in South Florida,
but if you want to.
Yeah, but anytime
you're up here.
All right.
Hey, good luck
with the trans.
Good luck with the huge.
Your confidence
gives me strength.
Keep it clean.
Yeah.
Love it.
All right.
Thanks, Big Cat.
Thank you.
Yeah, of course, man. Anytime you want to come back. Love having you guys. Bye, man. Keep it clean. Yeah. Love it. All right. Thanks, Big Cat. Thank you. Of course, man.
Anytime you want to come back.
Love having you guys.
All right, man.
Yep.
Scoot over.
Bye, Brandon Marshall.
Bye, Brandon Marshall.
Yes.
He'll be here tomorrow.
Hey.
He rocking those goth pants.
Yeah.
Dude, the real one.
I couldn't get over the visual.
I know.
It's so good.
You're getting a phone call right now
you got like three straight
it's probably Cam
calling and being like we gotta go to the airport
yeah
P-MAR's hooking it up
he was yeah
one of the fellas I think he just took that bowl
that's his now
I don't think I've ever seen you guys
get that excited for an NFL player
when Will comes in here.
When the first time Will came in, were you guys excited?
The first time they saw me, you know.
They're like, oh, my heart skipped a beat.
Yeah.
That's good.
Yeah, a lot of respect.
That's good.
I still get those butterflies when I see you boys.
Swear to God.
I'm trying to fuck you.
Fuck that pussy.
It sounds like you're going to be able to.
Give me about
three more months
couple more operations
he wasn't sure
especially Tyler
he really
he went into his
like stuff like
yo I just don't
I don't want to
bro he was about
to send a lot of
text messages
to NFL players
just like
you hear about Taylor
check out all the boxes
is there a big
NFL group me
like do you guys
have like a
open line
with alumni or no
no no it's relationships and then you get out and hopefully and that's it Is there a big NFL group me? Do you guys have an open line with alumni or no?
No.
No?
No.
It's relationships, and then you get out, and hopefully— And that's it.
That's all.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what, though.
Cam Newton was somebody that, when I saw him on the field,
that was like—his stature was insane.
He's a larger-than-life presence.
Yeah.
And it's not just size.
He was like—
No, he's not.
NCAA 14.
Something about it.
I couldn't explain
the feeling that I had
being around him.
It was...
MVP.
NFL MVP.
How many of those are...
What was that, 2015?
2015.
I think we played them.
15-1.
Massive human being.
Yeah, they beat the shit
out of us.
Yeah.
Started doing the little thing.
It was bad.
It was a bad...
It was not a good deal. That's all right. That's the past. Yeah. Who started doing the little thing. It was bad. It was a bad. It was not a good deal.
That's all right.
That's the past.
Yeah.
Who's that D end for Minnesota?
White dude.
Jared Allen.
Jared Allen.
Yeah.
He had the funny intros.
One of the worst shirts I ever made.
Guy moved so slow but was still so slippery.
What was your shirt?
Wine him, dine him, 69 him. Yeah. Yeah. People didn't really want to so slippery. What was your shirt? Wine'em, Dine'em, 69'em. Yeah?
Yeah, people didn't really want to wear it. Really?
Yeah, no idea.
I thought he was the key piece to the
Bears. The KB Real One shirts are off the
store, by the way. Why? We sold five.
Okay.
Okay. We sold five Real Ones.
I would like one. I want one, too.
Sold five. Okay. That's
gotta be tough to do.
Well, it's also, like, the day after Black Friday. I want one too. Sold five. Okay. That's got to be tough to do. Well, it's also like the day after Black Friday.
I bought two.
We bought two?
Yeah.
I didn't want to hear like they sold zero.
No, I think five's worse.
Zero's way worse.
Zero's better because you could be like, was there a computer error or something?
Like they couldn't fill out the.
Selling three is.
Yeah, five is worse yeah
so bad oh man all right we had five of them we dyed shirts sold i did i bought five of them and
then i had to cancel my order for my just try to create a shirt where you sell one not zero
i think we said three was the hardest to do, and you damn near did it.
Well, he technically did three if he bought two of the five.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I did, yeah.
Real one.
Did you get one of each color?
No, I didn't buy any.
Oh.
It's a horrific.
You sold a natty five.
I think it's cool.
Yeah, you rolled a natty five.
That's not bad.
Yeah, you got a natty five off that.
That's profit. I love natty fives. I think it's cool. Yeah, you rolled a natty five. That's not bad. Yeah, you got a natty five off that. That's profit.
I love natty fives.
Bring that into contract negotiations.
Five.
Yeah, it's like 100 bucks in the store.
Can we get some?
Yeah, I want one for sure.
We got to get the course set up.
Wait, do we have to...
Are we doing a wipe off?
Yes.
Today?
What's a wipe off?
Oh, boys.
All right, well, let's do the high noon ad first.
We got to get the course set up.
You want me to start setting up?
No, let's do the high noon ad, and then we'll figure out what we have to do the wipe-off,
and then we'll do the course.
Someone do the high noon ad?
What's a wipe-off?
Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry.
Oh, you're fine, you're fine.
It's fine.
Oh, early results are 13 votes for lunch, free lunch, one vote for holiday parties.
That's Nicky Smokes.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Lunch and magician, pretty much.
Yeah, because I'm-
In a real show.
Magician is thrown in.
It's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games because the high
noon game day pack is back.
It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry,
along with black cherry and grapefruit.
It's made with real vodka, real juice, 100 calories, gluten-free,
and no added sugar.
The High Noon Game Day Pack is a fall exclusive,
which means it's here for a good time, not a long time.
Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack near you.
Mook, what flavor are you sipping on tonight?
I'm sipping on pear. I'm sipping on pear.
Pear of what?
Pear of high noons.
Hell yeah.
Pear of black cherries.
Yes, sir.
Mm-hmm.
We're going to get nice and lubed up before our show.
Got a show tonight.
Yeah.
8 p.m. Laugh Factory.
Yeah, how are tickets?
Do we need to do a push?
I think they're pretty good.
Almost sold out.
All right, nice.
Let's sell it out.
Yeah, let's sell it out.
Let's get everyone there.
Will, are you around tonight?
No.
No? I'm streaming. I'm streaming with the boys okay boys you gotta come and do a set sometime yeah no no you've done it before
right five yeah yeah but fucked it high anxiety that's why you gotta get a little lubed up a
couple high noons yeah no you're right you're right that's're right. That's what I'm going to do. All right, so what's the wipe off?
You guys are each going to go into the bathroom.
Wipe.
Okay.
And Nick's going to draw it.
And then Nick's going to draw the results.
I love it.
And declare winner. Well, no, I'm going to bring them in here, and you guys are going to pass them around.
No.
No, no, not the wipes.
The drawings.
The drawings, yeah, yeah.
And these guys vote what they think is the best wipe. dude wipes are the best product like ever and i've known these guys for a very long
time they're in the office uh uh for our upfront like a month ago their office is actually right
by here the chicago company i remember when they started because i went to a ufc fight with them
and they had just they weren't even in stores yet and they showed me the product was like this is
life-changing because it's literally like taking a shower after you take a shit yeah beautiful
so dude wipes presenting sponsor the wipe off dude wipes best clean pants down still using
toilet paper don't do that drop the toilet paper pick up dude wipes the wet extra large flushable
wipes that clears instead of smears wiping wetiping wet just cleans better than wiping dry.
Get confidently clean with Dude Wipes that gets all the crap toilet paper leaves behind.
You can pick up Dude Wipes on Amazon or Walmart and Target nationwide.
Do you guys, I mean, it's insane the difference between wiping with Dude Wipes versus toilet paper.
Yes.
It's night and day.
And like the, uh.
You just feel fresh.
Yeah, yeah. Like a little breeze too You get on your hole after, you know.
It's incredible.
I tell people right now, like, if you've never done it, it's life-changing.
Got to get dude wipes because you will be like, I've been walking around a little musty ass for a long time.
Yeah.
Better feel, and it makes the area smell good.
Yeah.
That's right.
You feel fast like an athlete.
Yeah.
I do, at least.
And you don't get the toilet paper little...
Yeah, the little dingleberries.
Little wads.
Little wads.
Yeah, dingleberries.
All right, so...
Rip them out of your hair in the shower.
So do we have a bag, TJ?
You know what I'm saying.
So what you should do is go...
Do you have to shit?
No.
I think we're just...
Because remember, the original plan was just like what we're standing around with.
In your ass. Yeah. Oh, I thought you guys just because remember, the original plan was just like what we're standing around with. In your ass.
Yeah.
Oh, I thought you guys were shitting.
So when was your last defecation?
This morning.
Oh, that's good.
All right.
Two morning guys.
You're not a morning.
I'm saying for the competition, they did shit recently.
So there's something to play with.
The wipe will be at least beige.
Yeah, you got to go. You got to really get in there, Steven. How with the the wipe will be at least beige. Yeah, you gotta go you gotta really get in there Steven
How else would I wait my get in there?
Yeah
Okay
So wait, I'm going in there and I'm drawing what they look like. Yeah coming back out here
You're it's it's your rendering. Okay. Wait, are you drawing the asshole or the wife? No, the wife.
Oh, man.
Okay.
Because we can't show poop on you.
Yeah, yeah, we're going to go do it.
We're going to go do it right now.
Do you have a bag or something, TJ, we can put them in?
Can you lay it out like on a paper towel?
Yeah, okay, I'll do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Connor's going to follow you to the bathroom with his zoom.
He can't go in after you, though.
This is way more gross for me than...
Oh, yeah, you're in the worst spot.
The wipe-off is you're just shitting and...
They're not shitting. They're just wiping.
They're just wiping their ass. However their ass
is right now. Yeah.
Nice.
Don't remember the genesis of this one,
but it's okay. We're here now.
No, I remember the genesis. I remember it.
Stephen Chase stood up and said he had to
clean this asshole. That's right. Yeah. That's that's right yeah and somebody challenged him to a wipe off
don't know i remember the idea of i dream of being in that bus with you boys every goddamn day
that's wild you want jay gone you want him with us? Sure. That would work, too. That would be fantastic.
Do you know what the Yak Challenge is?
Yeah, I saw it.
Yeah, okay.
So it's cornhole.
Yep.
And then it's kick a soccer ball.
Yep.
And then it's hit a home run.
Right.
Nope.
It's the football.
Yep.
And then it's three-point.
Uh-huh.
Pull the thing across, three-point, done.
Trivia.
Trivia.
Yeah.
Trivia.
Yeah.
I actually, when I saw it, I saw newton do it and i was like that was pretty
bad i thought it was really bad it was bad but then i thought then i thought oh i'm going tomorrow
i'll probably have to do it i got nervous is forming that being bad is actually good yeah
that's what i need and the nfl players are kind of all there together with KB. Except Brandon Marshall. He broke through the racially biased Jack challenge.
He broke racial barriers.
We played horse today.
You're dumbing me.
I did.
I did.
You skunked me.
I had my first good horse game in a while.
I was shooting it well today.
Thank you for that.
From where do you shoot?
What's your horse shot?
I like to use the bank a lot.
Yeah.
From what distance? Big dad shooting guy. to use the bank a lot. Yeah. From what distance?
Big dad shooting guy.
So I'm a big dad, white dad shooting.
I'll get as close to the baseline as possible
and shoot impossible angle bank shots.
Got it.
To where you really have to hit a very specific location.
It's the widest thing you can do in horse or basketball.
What, just bank shots?
Yeah, just constant bank shots.
Tim Duncan's?
Yeah.
Tim Duncan's the widest player ever.
All right, so wait, but we're not.
What are you doing?
TJ just said roam and get Nick, and then, yeah, like the aftermath.
You can't go into the bathroom after that.
I can do it all.
This is something different.
Yeah, but we're not putting you guys in the news.
We still live?
Che's still lagging from yesterday.
Che did look like a ghost there when he entered.
You think there's ghosts in this building?
No.
No, I don't think ghosts like to hang out in warehouses.
Do they?
They prefer houses, right?
Yeah, because that's where more shit goes.
Have there been haunted Walmarts or haunted Targets? It's always just a house, right? Yeah, because that's where more shit goes. Have there been, like, haunted Walmarts or haunted Targets?
It's always just a house, right?
Yeah, it's always a residential.
But there's always, I mean, people die in Walmarts.
I remember a haunted, like, bridge in my hometown when I was growing up.
A guy building the bridge fell in, and then they cemented his live body into the bridge.
Doesn't everybody have a haunted railroad track near them?
Yeah, railroad track.
I feel like that's,
and then that's just,
you see the train light
and you think,
make up a story about it.
Yeah, I think that's,
the bridge was made up, by the way.
I don't think a guy actually fell in it.
Seems like he probably did, though.
We had a three-legged lady road
and where if you drove by
and honked the horn three times,
a three-legged lady would chase you.
Like a lady with a penis?
Love those tales, man.
Is that what you mean?
It's literally three-legged lady road would chase you like a lady with a penis love those tails it's literally three-legged lady road in columbus and if you honk the horn and woke up that woke her
up from behind the church she would chase you down the road did you see this i i never did it
uh but that was the the rumor you never attempted was it a ghost or a real person it was a ghost
okay yeah do you believe in ghosts i'm not really no no why didn't you do it then it's wild because
i'm too big of a pussy to go do it wow i never that some kids in high school did it i i would
never do it i would say let's just go to the mall instead of doing that you're back quickly yeah i
mean i i feel very uh weird did you wipe your butt already yeah jay very weird the whole thing
is a little off but yeah for sure it, for sure. It was a great idea.
Yeah, no, I mean, and listen, Dude Wipes is a great sponsor.
They wanted to do it, so we're going to do it.
I love Dude Wipes.
Oh, no, he just... Don't follow him, Connor.
Don't follow him.
Don't follow him.
Can't search it on YouTube.
That's the whole point.
All right.
So he'll come back with the drawing.
So let's just pretend that didn't happen,
then we'll look at a drawing,
and we'll pretend it's like Jackson Pollock.
The only person that'll see the shit is
nick nick has the worst job oh yeah he is he is the one getting punished no one else should be
punished when you wiped were you a little bit embarrassed uh i've i've had a bad five days so
i knew it wasn't gonna be like perfect um but no i considering what i've been going through
stomach wise i felt pretty strong. Good.
Good.
Because I also went in there.
I feel like you can go in there and you find something at any time.
No question.
Yeah.
You never know.
There's always something up there. It's a deep bag.
Little finger?
Yeah.
I got in there.
Knuckles.
Yeah.
Hey, knuckles.
Knuckles.
Whoa.
All right.
You front or back? Oh, wait. Don't show it. Don't show it. Don show it don't show it we're not sure he's just drawing oh okay but you might be able to see the
the muse if we get it this would be the dumbest thing for us to get a strike for
jay how's your butt feel we all agree with that yes yeah nice and clean thanks the dumbest thing
to ever oh my god or or the malicex showering oh yeah that was
this is yeah dude no dude wipes i do feel very clean right now it's a clean feeling it's a great
feeling i just like wipe myself down with them sometimes yeah i'm gonna freshly wash showers
dude i just added dude on top of the dude dude are. Are you excited or nervous about the Yak Challenge?
I'm more nervous than excited.
At first, I was excited about the thought,
and then on the plane today, I was like, oh.
Yeah, you got to perform.
Got to perform.
And it's not about, I think, like,
if I get everything in the first couple of tries,
it's when you're on the 15th swing of the bat.
Yeah.
Regulate your breath.
People watching you.
The breath, to me, it's like,
then you start mentally being like
everybody's watching you everyone's kind of judging you yeah you're them laughing a little
bit harder yeah yeah and that's how it goes that's how it goes yeah when that happens it is tough do
you have a weak point here that you're worried about all of it all of it oh yeah i mean no i
bet you play cornhole you seem like a cornhole guy oh not really not good at bags i'm i'm decent i
have like lucky stints where i can just make the threes.
Last time I was here, I made five in a row.
You get in the zone.
Yeah.
And then the first pitch last time I was here on the bat, I had a home run.
Yeah.
But I'm not consistent.
I got a question for you guys.
You guys did a, for Black Friday and Cyber Monday, you did a giveaway, right?
Mm-hmm.
So someone who spent a lot of money gets to come to Beer Olympics?
Yes. What if that person sucks? Compete. We know the guy who did it oh okay good the guy who did it was the high spender last year oh he was actually the high spender last year yeah that's what he so
he's he's gonna come back he's gonna go but i got we asked him he's an older dude yeah that's will
what that was textbook that was walt jr he, Taylor goes, yeah, we know the dude, the guy who was actually the highest spinner
last year.
He goes, and you just said, yeah, he was actually the highest spinner last year.
I was more saying, yeah, he was the highest spinner last year.
Right, but you said that out loud.
Yeah.
You should have kept that in your brain.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see how he does.
We'll see how he does. So you'll be fine. Yeah, we know. EFT and I are in. He's a good dude. Do we have the dude so you'll be fine yeah we know he and i are in a good dude
we have a date uh it'll be okay so you're in for sure you're in yeah i think we have to i'm pretty
sure dave's in too okay not to compete just to be there yeah i mean i i think we i think we have to
we know a bunch of the dudes are in it we like all of them so it's like i just need protection
i think i might bring mike's security guard, Mike.
How do you think you will fare in the competition?
How do you think you'll fare?
Pretty good.
Yeah?
Oh, you know.
I could throw him back.
Especially because we literally changed the game for you guys this year.
Yeah.
I don't drink often, but when I have to, I can still.
Yeah.
I'll just be a shambles for like a week after.
I know.
The recovery time is just longer and longer every year. We got to do a race soon yeah january we're gonna at least do a couple but we're doing
beer dye oh we are officially we change it flip cups out that's awesome i didn't 100 agree with
but it's i'm telling you trust the process i know it's such a fun game we're always trying to adapt
and credible do you have the uh yeah one of you guys I'll never look at the same. Okay.
Subject one was on the left.
We could zoom in maybe.
We could pass this around as well.
Okay.
Very, very...
I can't see.
Let me get Pixies.
Wait, did you throw them out?
No.
Oh, fuck no.
Did you go throw them out?
Yeah, I just did.
Here, we can pass around subject one.
Very light.
There was one skid and then one splotch, but it was beige.
Beige at best.
Khaki.
It was, you could tell it was used, but it was one dude wipe, splotchy.
Yeah.
Okay.
Subject two was a pile of dude wipes
Dark
Somebody does not know how to wipe their ass
There were dark black specks
And somebody doesn't know
How to wipe their ass
This was the dude wipe on top
There was a pile of used dude wipes underneath
Somebody doesn't know how to wipe their ass
Let me see
I think I know which one I their ass. Let me see.
Okay, so I think I know which one I was.
Sorry, I didn't see the first one.
That's making you sick? Was the first one, let me answer you this, Nick.
Was the first one, was it almost like a yellow?
Yes.
That was me because I've been sick.
But it wasn't a lot of poop.
No, it was just like.
This had a lot, that was one with a lot of poop.
So Steven doesn't know how to wipe his ass.
Steven.
You got a front wipe.
Was yours to the left or the right, Che?
Mine was to the left.
Wait a minute, big cat.
Mine was yellow.
How many wipes did you use?
I used one.
Che, how many did you use?
Two.
Yours was to the right.
You don't know how to wipe your ass. That was disgusting.
God, Stephen.
No, mine was to the left.
I only used one dude wipe.
I thought you said you used two dudes. No, I used one.
The one with the pile
didn't know how to wipe their ass. Maybe never
has.
Holy shit.
More than one.
Stephen, you know if there was shit on your dude wipe. Did you look? I know what mine looked like. Define a pile. More than one. Define a pile. Steven, you know if there was shit on your duvet.
Did you look?
Yeah, like I know what mine looked like.
There was a yellow.
There was a weird yellow like.
You're out.
You're out.
Did you look at it afterwards, Steve?
Yeah.
And what did you see?
And you walked out of the bathroom laughing.
He was on cheese for 10 minutes.
Steven might not think that that's like.
He probably does.
He probably thinks that's a clean ass.
This is how we've gotten to this
problem is that Steven thinks that's clean.
I mean, that dude wiped went to work.
That does not look like
what came out of my...
Connor Griffin was right behind me. He could vouch.
Connor?
I used two wipes. Mine was on...
I used two wipes.
That tells it right there because I placed one single wipe. I used one wipes. Mine was on. I used two wipes. Well, that tells it right there because I placed one single wipe.
It's one single wipe.
Do you use two wipes?
One of them was significantly dirtier than the other.
Yes.
And is that an accurate representation?
That's 100% accurate.
Oh, my God.
The one on the right was significantly dirtier.
The one with the pile.
Exactly.
Who was on the right?
We don't know.
How many was on the right?
And neither of these pills really come in clean.
We don't know?
No, we do know because I used one wipe.
But Che said he put his on the left, and he was out second.
But I think somebody has a filthy ass.
The left of when you're facing the sinks.
One's on the left, one's on the right.
The one on the right was filth.
Steven, if you used multiple wipes, that was yours.
Okay, I placed mine on the left for sure.
But I only used one.
Oh, big cat.
I only used one.
It was a pile of multi-wipes.
I only used one.
We have a controversy.
You got the biggest cop out.
You've been sick.
I have.
You got a cramp on the chin.
Well, I don't look at it.
Yes, I looked at mine.
And it had a yellow, like, look at the first, look at subject one.
It had like a yellow tint to it.
Take him out of the trash.
This guy is sick.
We won't know whose is whose still.
Yeah.
We could run DNA.
Of course we fucked up this up.
We didn't account for whose is who?
That's so perfect.
We accounted in no way for whose was who.
No, we should have signed him.
The evidence has also been trashed.
It's been thrown.
Yeah, good.
But if Steven, he used two wipes, I only used one wipe.
There was a pile of multiple wipes, and it had, I won't even say some,
it had a significant amount of shit on it.
Steven!
One was beige, and one was brown.
I would think I was in the beige camp.
I did use two wipes, but you also said when you went back that you were going to use two.
No, I only used one. I only took one. Connor, you were in there you went back that you were going to use two. No, I only used one.
I only took one.
Connor, you were in there the entire time.
But you said at the end, you were like, oh, I'm going to use multiple tips.
Yeah, but I only ended up using one of these men as mine.
I was going to go back and use another, but I was like, I'm fine with what I got.
Brandon, what's the matter?
Nothing.
I'm just, it's a dude wipes.
It's a clean up.
Buy-in.
It's a great product.
It's a great product.
All right, so. Nothing feels better than a freshly wiped ass It's a great product. All right, so.
Nothing feels better than a freshly wiped ass.
Thanks to Dude Wipes, I still think,
I think Steven doesn't realize that he's got poop in his ass.
I think we all knew that's where it was going to go anyway.
Steven also said he's good at sex.
It was a shock.
Hot sex.
Hot sex.
It was like, if I wipe.
If I have a dirty ass, I'm going to be good at hot sex.
Steven, you looked at it.
Was there, like, I looked at mine.
It was exactly what Nick described as the first one.
For sure there was a tint.
Right.
I looked at mine, and it was a yellow, like, I've been sick.
Right.
There was one that had a beige streak, and there was one that had a turd in it.
Like, if I was wiping
my ass and I saw that, I was like, I need six
more wipes.
Steven, you gotta come clean, brother.
I feel like I...
No, he can't. Why not?
He can't clean himself.
I took a poop this morning just like you.
I showered
this morning. I pooped after I
showered.
Did you poop before you showered this morning I pooped after I showered oh did you poop before you showered
that was
you poop after you
is this a prank on me
no no no
I'm saying not immediately
you poop after you shower Jay
hours later
no no hours later
it's gotta be a pre-shower thing
yeah
can't go post
I'm gonna leave my headphones off
alright well let's move on
that was
thank you to Dude Wipes
wonderful sponsor
we love Dude Wipes
what an event
it was a great event no other other shows ever done this we have done we've completed the first ever wipe off that didn't
we fucked up but fucked it up still yeah the product worked it did work exactly i feel clean
feels clean as clean could be. So, Jay.
No, I'm changing the subject.
Okay, good, good, good, good.
Jay.
Somebody said Jay said he's good at sex?
Yeah, hot sex.
That was in the beginning of the show.
He eats a lot of pussy.
He also thinks he's a top 1% pussy eater. Right, but what's the definition of that?
Like, how is he?
I'll say it again.
That's what we're saying.
He thinks he's the top 1% pussy eater in the world.
Yeah.
He's good at sex.
He's good at sex.
When I was in, like, end of high school, early college, that was my big claim as well. You were good at sex he's a good when i was in like end of high school early college
that was my big claim as well you were good at that was like my flex on the boys move like no
one needs to like me really and i and then i've you know that i turned 19 20 and i was like i
probably shouldn't say that yeah to people oh i got buddies that do that at 25 yeah it's just like
we have one that does it at 30 or 37.
Steve, I don't want to come at you with that.
I don't want to come at you at all.
I just...
I remember specifically being like...
37.
...proud of what I can do.
And now it's like, well, I actually think I got worse, so...
I see you with that Flavor Saver.
Some mustache.
Oh, man.
The Flavor Saver's right here.
Anyway.
Is that true? I think so, yeah. I thought Flavor Saver's right here Anyway Is that true?
I think so yeah I thought Flavor Saver was mustache
I think Flavor Saver is the little
The soul patch?
Yeah
That's the Flavor Saver isn't it?
Huh
I could be wrong
I think you're right
Will can you grow facial hair?
Real mustache?
Can you grow mustache?
You've got a mustache right?
Will gets a wispy mustache
Yeah
That's a beard.
Yeah, no, I don't grow a strong one like yourself, Taylor, Mark.
Looks like you can grow a strong one.
You've got a small gap between your lip and your nose.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like, yeah.
You weren't blessed with a good top lip.
Yeah.
That's all right, though.
Damn.
Yeah.
Nice piece, though.
Maybe we could get some handsome.
Handsome piece. Real. I mean, what makes it happen? Yeah, yeah. Nice piece, though. Maybe we could see a handsome piece.
Really?
I mean, it's approachable.
Yeah, yeah.
Not intimidating.
It's approachable.
It's not, you know, mis-pillared anywhere.
You want to go grab a beer with it?
It won't bite you?
No, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not intimidating.
You'd go pet it?
You're like, yeah.
It's good to have in your corner.
Yeah.
You'd walk over to it and say, hey, let me sit here with you.
Yeah, right.
Excuse me.
Is this seat taken?
It's a non-threatening piece.
Yeah.
Right.
NFPs are, or NTPs are.
That's huge.
Yeah.
You want to be a non-threatening piece.
Yeah.
Because you see some ones out there and you're just like, dear God.
Yeah.
Like, just imagine putting pants on.
No.
How many times did you put that thing in a zipper?
Patrick Ewing.
Yeah.
I couldn't imagine.
What was his nickname?
The mailman. No. That was not his nickname. What was his nickname? The mailman.
No, that was not his nickname.
What was his nickname?
No, I thought there was a nickname that we saw a lot yesterday.
Air Jordan.
I think it was Gargantua.
Kobe.
Yeah, I think it was Black Mamba.
Patrick Ewing's nickname was Shaq.
All right, should we do some challenge?
Yeah.
Do you want to go first?
The Mammoth.
The Mammoth.
It wasn't his nickname.
It was his penis' nickname.
Yeah.
The Mammoth.
I think maybe we spin and let someone else go,
and then Taylor can go, and then Nick gets to...
Yeah, love it.
Yep.
Yeah, I'd love not to go first.
All right.
Okay, so we can have someone
spin the wheel where I'm off and Brandon's
off as well.
Mark's got a weapon.
Of a penis? My penis is large, is that what you're saying?
Mark has a big penis.
Why? He's just got the slender
stand up. You saw him piss.
Yeah, when he pissed.
Oh, yeah.
The string started halfway down his thigh.
Oh, whoa.
Hell yeah.
Spin, turn a little bit.
What are we doing right now?
He's kind of got the real slender vibe.
The only thing he's really missing is how they-
Is he going to talk now?
I don't know.
I thought it might.
He's kind of taking the rounded back going.
Yeah, the shoulders forward.
Yeah.
Big hands.
Yeah.
Tall, skinny.
Y'all gay.
Come on. I don Tall, skinny. You got to, you got to. Come on.
I don't love.
I feel like in high school, like, having a big piece was the biggest brag.
In our era, yeah.
No, it's not.
It's not.
It's just.
Because I, yeah, ever since I pissed my pants and everyone was just like, yeah, Titus does
have a hammer.
It's just like, I can't go anywhere.
No, it sucks, man.
Oh, so you do got a weapon.
Yeah, you got a.
Yeah, but like, now that everyone knows, it's like annoying as fuck.
It really is.
Yeah, that was bragging about a piece. That was the coolest way you could possibly do it. It was. Yeah, but like now that everyone knows, it's like annoying as fuck. It really is.
Bragging about a piece, that was the coolest
way you could possibly do it. It was.
Yeah, but it's annoying, man. Just let me live my
life. People, I'm out to eat with my family.
They want to see it.
Like, ladies, please.
God, that's so cool.
You got that piece.
We set it up? Yeah, spin the wheel.
So, who's gone twice already? Is this correct? Yes, spin the wheel. So who's going twice already?
Is this correct?
You have to throw Will on there, too.
Will can have a chance.
I need some fucking redemption.
Tough one last time?
Yeah.
What was your time?
Five something.
I feel better because a minute 30 is crazy.
You fell apart at Sporkle, right, Will?
Yeah, I had the hard one.
I had the one Cam Newton had, and he was struggling at that one.
Yeah.
It's just the sport teams.
Yeah, it's a luck – because my worst score, I had one of the hardest sports.
Yeah.
Yesterday was an easy one.
All right.
Let's go, Moog.
I think Moog can go low.
Where's Malasek?
Malasek.
Do you think Malasek wakes up in the morning and he's like, alright, today's the morning.
No, because he's always hard to find during the act.
No, he loves it.
Do you think he's
getting himself really prepared?
Yeah, this is huge for him.
He's listening to Lose Yourself when you drive in.
You're a brick wall.
You're a brick wall. You're a brick wall.
Don't let them bully you.
Oh, wow.
I'm a little sore.
My shoulder hurts.
Oh, yeah?
From what?
Your shoulder hurts?
They're beating it.
No.
Your shoulder gets sore when you beat it?
Is it that kind of deal?
Just revisit.
It's because of the range of motion.
Get every bad rotator cuff.
Stu was legitimately hurt.
He texted me from the airport.
He was devastated.
He was barely able to walk.
I could watch him shoot a basketball forever.
Yeah, that was incredible.
It was incredible.
Stu did the challenge?
Yeah.
He's the low point.
Zah beat him, yeah.
6'40 or something like that yeah man i gotta watch that can you find can you can you do you have
almost beat you will holy we have a clip of stew missing yeah
let's see how much time here how much did you beat me by big cat
like 30 seconds.
All right.
I didn't get anything on the first try.
So the time goes into the trivia?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the whole thing.
At some point, TJ, at some point, we're going to have to figure out a better way to present.
I'm actually second.
Yeah, I need to make an Excel sheet this weekend.
Some people have reached out about it.
Nick, it's just i mean
you did no no but the thing is you guys told me to move on i was still kicking i wasn't and that
was and as nick pointed out happens in sports all the time now if if there's a bad call and for
mississippi state and it goes their way do you want them to give up their win that has never
happened and as nick pointed out he would have made the next one anyway well the one after i
watched the show you You were talking shit.
We have beef.
I'm higher than you on the list, bitch.
Facts.
And you're ugly.
You ready, TJ?
Hey, what'd Delaney get?
He's a real one.
He's in the real ones.
He's got in the fives, too.
Yeah, he's down here with the real ones.
KB, Delaney, Cam Newton.
I'm going to get like eight minutes today.
Delaney was sweating.
He was hurting.
He was.
Yeah, you keep saying that.
You said you were getting like muscle spasms.
Is it really that big of a deal?
Does it hurt like that?
No, it shouldn't.
No, it was more of like my calves muscles were tired at the end of the day.
Got you.
From all the adrenaline.
Yeah.
Because it's a lot of pressure.
Yeah, pressure.
You want to perform.
All right.
Mook, you ready? TJ, you ready? Yes. All right. Here we go. Do the same thing. Three. Because it's a lot of pressure. Yeah, pressure. You want to perform. All right, Mook, you ready?
TJ, you ready?
Yes.
All right, here we go.
Do the same thing.
Three, two, one, go.
Oh, no.
We always say that.
Classic Titus.
Oh, no.
But it's only five seconds in.
Yeah, but it doesn't look like it's getting up.
Oh, no.
You're good, Mook.
Nobody's run out of bags yet. This isook. Nobody's run out of bags yet.
This is bad.
Nobody's run out of bags yet.
No, he's actually bad right now.
Nobody's run out of bags.
He's actually bad.
It's the worst bag performance.
This is never happening.
Mook, you're fine.
Hurry up.
Oh, no.
Big Cat, you finished a minute.
Oh, no.
All right, Malzak's ready.
Oh, a little dainty.
Branson.
Oh, right at him. Oh, that. All right, Malzak's ready. Oh, a little dainty. Branson. Oh, right at him.
Oh, that was nice.
Oh, fuck.
Those are good kicks.
Go.
Oh, Brandon.
That looked like it hit.
Brandon, make the call.
That looked better than the Knicks.
You're the most bitter man on earth.
Oh, he's on pace.
You can get close.
Oh, no. Get another ball. Come ball moog come on don't give up
why aren't you chaperoning
he's the worst hey don't oh no passing the ball yeah i should be chaperoning him
you're right yeah what are you doing brady help him out. Wait, also I got the record. Oh, no.
This is so bad.
Oh, no.
Get him some more balls.
Luke, you're all right.
Breathe, buddy.
You're all right, Boogum.
Dude, Malasek's hot today.
The yellow ball.
He's got to get that yellow ball to roll in.
Goal! Oh, hey!
Malasek. Oh, boy.
Oh, no.
He's fine.
He's fine.
He's good here.
There it is.
Nice.
He needs to get this first try.
Not even close.
Hey, that was a muffin.
I don't know what that means.
Oh, he's looking tired, boys.
Loaded out there. He's looking tired what that means. Oh, he's looking tired, boys. Loaded out there.
He's looking tired.
Same spot.
Same exact spot.
You're right, Mook.
He's looking real tired.
Yay!
Helted.
Not too bad.
You get so tired.
All right, come on, Mook.
He got that limp wrist.
Oh.
Yeah, there we go.
Oh.
Oh, he's fine. Beauty. Solid we go. Oh. Oh, he's fine.
Solid, man.
Oh.
That.
I blocked the shit out of that shot.
Look where he's releasing from.
His fucking chin.
I would put that 10 rows up.
Did you get the heights fixed on the basketball?
Yeah.
He's tired.
Oh, he's tired.
All right, Mook.
Come on, Mook.
There.
Wet, wet, wet.
All right, Mook.
Finish it off.
Ooh, change up the-
Nine comedians who sold out Madison Square Garden.
Sebastian Maniscalco, Louis C.K.
Name to smell.
Seven.
Buffalo Bills, Miami Dolphins.
There you go.
There we go.
Washington Redskins.
TJ Watt.
JJ Watt.
U.S. states to start with them.
Massachusetts. Massachusetts.
Well.
Did you pick the longest worst options you mind hillar
m states m states main yeah yeah mean my come on main uh best college football program Michigan There you go Come on
Actors who played
Spider-Man
Tobey Maguire
Stay with the states
And all of them
I can't think right now
Will Compton
No wait
Where's he from?
Montana
Sure
Hell yeah
You're fine
That was wrong
But keep going
One more.
Midwest.
Kevin Hart.
There's Toto.
There it is.
There we go.
Wow.
Your chest hurting?
Missouri.
Wow, because that looked like the worst performance ever,
but you crushed my time, so not bad.
That sucked.
The soccer fucked you over.
The bags and the soccer.
Mentally, where were you in the bags?
Panicking.
Yeah.
Fear.
Yeah, that was bad.
As soon as someone said, it's only five seconds, I was like, oh, this is...
That was a good thing.
It was good, but then I was like, oh, fuck.
Like, this could be worse, and it got worse.
Titus, I'm sorry I lashed out.
I'm mentally weak.
Appreciate that.
I'm not apologizing to Brandon.
He's bitter.
Yo, that sucked dick.
Yo, is it like that?
No, you did good in basketball.
Yo, I feel like, Will, this is like when you go in for winter workouts,
and you're like at the 8 o'clock group, and you walk in,
and you see the 6 o'clock group, and they're just dead.
You're like, oh, I'm fucking in for it now.
What?
I went out of order.
There's some luck involved.
You guys said I scored.
You can get by the soccer.
You said I scored.
Yeah, the real ones do this.
Do what?
Who's that in goal?
Malasek, he's nice.
The real ones do this and say it was the hardest thing they've ever done.
Meanwhile, Dan is battling diarrhea for like six days,
steps up and sets the record.
There's light on my feet.
Yeah, I don't quite get.
I don't understand.
I did have somebody out there say that there might be a slight asterisk on Dan's record.
Why?
You're the worst, man.
Here we go.
For what?
It wasn't me.
I was just told to me just now as I was out there.
For what?
Was it Max, that loser?
Whoever is in goal thinks there should be
an asterisk on the goal you scored yesterday.
Why? Because yesterday
we only had three soccer balls out there
and not four, which means you go to the rebound
but you go to the short balls quicker.
And Malasek says you really didn't
score on him. Yes, I did.
That's what you said.
No, but four you get to shoot. Bang, bang bang bang bang and there's more rebounds there
it's not me it's right but you get more rebounds with four there's more balls in play and you get
instantly quicker shots i think it's easier for four get your fucking ass and go i'm assuming
water brandon okay oh oh shit score on him yeah he's coming he's right behind you for four. Get your fucking ass and go. I'm assuming. Oh, shit.
He's coming. He's right behind you.
You read that pretty funny.
He did.
Alright, four balls.
So he has to score on one of the first four balls, right?
Why'd we stop the mural there? Is this a stare down?
It's a stare down.
Sizing him up.
It's intimidation.
Alright, he's going red ball first? Yep. It's a stare down. Sizing him up. Smart. It's intimidation. All right.
He's going red ball first.
Yep.
Yeah, but that kind of proves it.
That doesn't count.
That just proves the point.
Yeah, that kind of did.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, no.
Was that hubris?
I think that does.
Just to let you know it wasn't me.
It was Malasek.
Listen, he can't complain.
I think that did just prove his point.
Am I going now?
Well, no, because I wouldn't be able to shoot the rebound right away.
You want to give up your record or what?
No, I'm not giving up.
But if that was your third ball, you wouldn't have been able to score that one.
I'll go, but I just got to pee.
Yeah, but I actually think it's easier with four balls because you get more plays.
We could take away the ball.
Let's take away a ball.
Do three balls.
I'm not feeling confident today.
No, do three balls.
I have a lot on my mind.
Do three balls going forward.
That just ruined my whole day.
Yeah.
Whole day.
Brandon, do three balls going forward.
Cancel the show.
Or at least Nick gets three balls.
But Nick gets three balls.
I don't want to turn this into something.
This is fun.
This is backyard games.
We don't need to turn this into something that's not.
That wasn't fun at all.
Fun is over.
What's going on?
Fun was over the second Brandon got the record.
Yeah.
And at that point.
I don't want to add all these.
This is a fun thing we do.
It's going to tear us apart.
I don't think we should keep time.
I would love that.
Everybody gets first.
After you go, you describe how much fun you had.
The person in first is the most recent that went.
Everybody shut up.
We're going to watch Taylor fail miserably.
That's the fun part.
It's going to bring us back together.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Okay?
That would help, yeah.
Malasek did this.
Yeah, you did too.
Him complaining.
He might.
I think he might surprise us. Well, Brandon, I mean, Malasek could have told me that while I was out there. Yeah yeah you did him complaining hey he might i think he might
surprise well brandon i mean malicek could have told me that while i was out there and i just
yeah you did i would just be like yeah whatever he did not have the record you're the one that
brought it to the room he told me in order for me to tell you malicek is getting too cocky he
texted me last night he said you didn't score on me but nuke do you think you scored that one yeah
you guys you guys didn't i thought i know i'm afraid
to say anything yeah we were buried that we all were afraid it looked like it touched we were
afraid i needed that coach yeah sorry needed it but after the mouse at two three balls then
take one away perfect it makes more sense anyway yeah which one's he gonna choose white
it's always the white it's just tough
there will only be three soccer balls here on forward taylor don't let panic take over
yeah come on no hey you gotta keep you can't let yourself get in between yeah don't walk to the
next one if you have keep your breath don't think about it too much whoa i always forget oh we got that back piece back piece
she taylor's in good shape do you have a six pack now taylor
no you can't you can pick them up in bulk you can't pick them up until i say go
but yes you can pick them up in bulk yeah get yourself light was it over five seconds in mook
do you need to stretch dude i i, it was over when it started.
There was no coming back.
I do like that Brandon's the guide for people.
Ooh, that's a good stretch.
I have an issue, I think.
No, it's calming.
People like to give hints during the trivia.
Yeah, they do.
Yeah, they do.
This happened.
Again, let's keep it fun.
Let's keep it fun.
If there's no chance they're breaking the record.
Yeah, I think that's it.
Then you give hints.
All right, all right, yeah.
All right.
This is going to destroy it.
Oh, yeah.
What?
What up?
Kyle, if I didn't have a good score, I'd be doing the same exact thing.
You know what I'm doing.
All right.
I think Taylor's fucked already.
I think being this nervous is a bad spot to be in.
I'm keeping my shit in my pockets.
It's a casual thing.
Yeah.
It's a backyard game.
Okay.
Ring around the rosy.
Nick's going to get it in like 58 seconds.
Oh, man, no.
All right.
You ready?
The second you empty your pockets, the second it's over.
Ready, TJ?
Yes.
I just want to keep you from being-
Three, two, one, go.
Oh.
What the fuck?
Oh, he's left.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Drop one.
Oh.
Oh, no.
That's a wrap.
Oh.
You're good.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
You're going to stay in it?
Keep your head in it.
There it is.
Pre-op Taylor is crushing this.
Big shot.
Whoa.
That's a great save.
Oh.
Go.
Oh.
He's a lefty.
Oh, go, go, go.
Get him balls.
Get him balls.
Score.
Fucking Malasek. What a piece of shit
Yeah
Oh
Decent time
He's a righty swinger
He's nervous about this
Oh
He's good
Good time
He swings righty, Will? Yeah Yeah, he's good. Good time.
He swings right, he will?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I think he's a little nervous.
You all right?
You all right?
Stay in it.
Stay in it.
You're doing great on time.
Just stay in it, kid. Stay in it.
No.
Wait, did it hit the table? It hit, kid. Stay in it. No. Hit the table. Stay in it.
You look
good.
You look good doing it.
Good on time. Good on time.
Strong. People think
you look athletic.
Shots, shots, shots, shots,
shots.
Swish.
Oh. Swish. Oh.
Swish.
Not being able to see.
Swish.
Tom, take Brandon's seat.
Oh, no.
Bend your knees.
There it is.
There it is.
Nice.
Coach Titus.
Look, he doesn't bend his knees.
There you go, Taylor.
Taylor, is that your dad yelling from the stands again?
What?
Look at his legs.
Look at the leg movement.
It's just like you're swinging a drum.
There it is.
Trivia, trivia, trivia.
Drip, drop, drip, drop, drip, drop.
Here we go, here we go.
Okay.
Universal Donut Boy Types, O negative.
Nice.
Letter O, yeah.
Check out the SEC football programs.
Where are those at?
Seven SEC football programs with an all-time winning percentage above 500.
Alabama.
Georgia. LSU, Florida.
Most watched.
I don't know.
Nine most used spices in the United States.
Seasonings. Does pepper count? Pepper's one count peppers one yeah number one what about cayenne oh four beetle members oh i don't know any of those guys oh
okay largest tech companies um is that really that see five largest companies steve carell's Wait, Apple? Yep. Google?
Two more.
Top ten movies?
Fuck.
What about two teams that were swept in the 2023 NBA playoffs? There's no shot I would know that.
Names of the three stages.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Forty-year-old virgin?
Yep, there you go.
Yeah?
What are those?
Go back to SEC teams.
You got to get another one of those.
SEC teams.
Think of more tech companies.
Just one more.
Just one more here.
Yahoo.
Yeah?
No, no.
Probably not.
No?
That's not in there?
No.
This is tough.
This is not my deal.
The panic is starting.
Summer Olympic sports.
What's the opposite?
Surely you know one beetle.
Basketball, right?
One beetle.
Yeah.
That'll work.
One beetle will do.
Not all four, just one.
Yeah.
You don't know a beetle?
You don't know a beetle?
One beetle?
You literally don't know a beetle?
No.
How do you not know a beetle?
How do you not know all four beetles?
If we said the beetle, would you?
I'm 32 and I grew up listening to Blink TV.
Taylor, you should just rattle off all the SEC teams.
Yeah, I should have.
You don't know – so if I say the name Paul McCartney.
Yeah, I know who that is.
Okay.
He was in the Beatles.
Gotcha.
What about John Lennon?
Who?
John Lennon.
Yeah, he got shot, right?
Yeah, he was also in the Beatles.
Okay.
Yeah, Ringo Starr.
No.
Beatle.
Okay, I will assume based on the conversation we're having,
but I want to be honest.
How did I do?
Solid.
357, not bad.
Not too bad.
Not bad, yeah.
I'll take that.
I think you're right in the middle.
Let's see.
Oh, yeah, you're right there.
I got the most out of breath doing trivia.
Yeah, that's the best part about it.
That was stressful.
The football thing was way harder than I thought it would be.
You sound like the trivia.
There's no way to not sound like an idiot.
I know.
I want to do it again.
Good run on the soccer.
Yeah, I thought if I just came up early.
He's a real motherfucker.
He really is.
Yeah, he's a piece of shit.
He's just crawling out of there, too.
I know.
He's just on his knees.
Like a warlock.
Like the girl from The Ring.
Yeah, and he blocks you before you can even get there.
Gets your ass. All right, you ready, Nicky? He's good. Let's go, the girl from The Ring. Yeah, and he blocks you before you can even get there. Gets your ass.
All right, you ready, Nicky?
Let's go, Nick.
Come on, Nicky.
Whew.
Whenever you're ready.
Ready, TJ?
Ready.
Three, two, one, go.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Just anybody who misses the first one.
You missed the first one.
I don't think anyone's ever made the first one.
I like this music.
You didn't like my shot?
You got up in your knees.
That's all.
You have a good look.
You actually do.
I was trying to help you.
You're close.
Yeah, Nick.
Come on, Nick.
Come on, Nick.
Fuck him up.
You made the night.
That's what I mean. Yeah. Oh, no. You just. Come on, Nick. Fuck him up. You made that up. That's what I mean.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Not a lot.
You just got to get a little lift on the shot.
It'll be good.
Yeah!
What a shot.
Oh, Nick.
Nick's on fire right now.
No!
I'll tell you what.
If he gets his football, he's going to be there.
Hey!
There it is.
Oh. It hit the ceiling.
Come on, Nick.
Nice cut.
If he gets this, he's in it.
Oh.
You have to get the football on the first two tries.
He did.
He did. He did.
He's in this.
Move him.
Yes.
Let's go, Nick.
Go, Nick.
Come on, Nick.
Oh.
Yeah, Nick.
You're at 120
uh five love languages 14th the asc south colts jags texans
i forget the last one. Oh, God. Shaq.
Seven Largest States by Squire.
Pulp Fiction.
Jackie Brown.
Fuck, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
Three more.
Jackie...
Django.
Alaska. There we go. Texas. Yep. Jackie Django Alaska Texas
Yep
Ty
Nick
Nicky
You're a beast in this
Nicky boy
That was real dude
Hell yeah
That was awesome
What's that like third best?
Maybe
You
You forgot the Titans
Yeah
I guess I did
That's rude
That's rude
That's hilarious
I forgot the Titans
I forgot the last
I thought you were joking
I thought you did that on purpose
Yeah I did too
I forgot it
Nick you're beast at this
Slip my mind
When Tarantino movies was a nice one
Yeah
Reservoir Dogs
Yeah I just
Django
I bounce around you get nervous
Yeah Alright Good shooting Two good averages Yeah. Reservoir dogs. Yeah, I just... Django. I bounce around, you get nervous.
Yeah.
All right.
Good shooting.
Two good averages.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm proud of that.
No, you crushed it.
You weren't feeling good about that one.
Uh-uh.
I need to get better at cornhole.
Yeah, we all do.
That was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
It's a blast.
Somebody else do it?
Somebody else should.
Make someone else do it, yeah.
Make Will do it.
Has Jerry done it yet?
Jerry hasn't.
He's right above Cam Newton.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know why I remember that.
Has Nicky Smokes done it?
Oh, no.
He might.
Smokes to do it.
Get Smokes to do it.
Oh, get Mincy.
Yeah, Mincy.
We got to have Mincy do it once. Oh, get Mincey. Yeah, Mincey. We got to have Mincey do it once.
Yeah, that's the answer.
Mincey.
Bend the knees.
I can't afford right now to lose to him.
You know, you're good.
You're good.
The stroke feels good, but suddenly I'm like, where's the power?
It's in the knees.
It's in the knees.
I got shaky knees, though. I don't know where I get winded at.
I think soccer.
Trivia is the one for me that was.
I do think it might be adrenaline it is
i think your heart's pumping like crazy because you know everybody's watching you i'm judging
your every move i'm still recovering right now i hate myself you guys see my rickety ankle give
out when i'm the first basket oh yeah
what mixed radio hit?
What, for Hooters?
Not for this company.
No, for ESPN Shreveport, I'm sure.
Or Bossier City.
He's busy.
Big T's.
Smokes is up there.
I'll get Smokes.
Smokes wrote a blog about you, Big Cat.
What?
Yeah, I know.
That's fine.
He's mad at me about the company party.
It'll be fine.
It's a fun photo.
Yeah.
Is that high school?
Yeah.
He worked up a blog in that time?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, what else is he going to do?
Yeah, I mean, free lunch all day. It's 5,000 votes.
Listen, the magic's going to happen.
I also did a poll.
We did a blind poll.
Yeah.
I'm just going to have to take –
You know what I'm going to have to do is I'm going to have to take Smokes out to, like, a DJ.
Like, I'm going to have to take him out to table service somewhere, bottle service.
Tom, if he beats the record, he –
Hey, by the way, bottle service, Bagatella is a place Will is talking about in Cabo.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Bagatella.
Yeah, yeah.
Is that real?
I don't know. Wait, what? Oh, Mincy. All right, we'll have Smokes do the talk. I'll tell you what, though. Yeah, yeah. Is that real? I don't know.
Wait, what?
Oh, Mincy.
All right, we'll have smokescreen tomorrow.
I'll tell you what, though.
That was a good boy.
Yeah, smokescreen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, okay, Markella.
I was just hoping someone else would piggyback off of that.
Would have been nice.
I was stuck on an island just saying, yeah.
I hate it when it happens.
I let you do that.
I let you out to dry.
Bagatella. Like you're singing maps. I hate it when it happens I let you do that I let you out to dry I can tell
Like you're singing maps
What a deep call
He is the best
Maps
Explain that one
That's by the
Yeah yeah yes
Yeah it was our rock band
He was singing maps
Yeah it was rock band
Boys was he singing maps
Over there or what
Got that stuff at Rutgers.
Walk him through it.
Like, as he's doing it.
Mincy knows.
I guess I'm a jack of all trades.
You got it, Mincy.
This is, like, maybe the biggest register of how...
We'll have you do it tomorrow.
Of what?
How big of a match would you do?
Definitely.
I know I took the stairs to make it in time
and I never do that.
And now I'm at a press.
Tomorrow after your book report.
Tomorrow after your book report we'll do all the airing of grievances as well.
And maybe I just said on air
that I might just have to go out with you
one night for bottle service.
So that would be fine.
Yeah, that's fine.
Okay, okay. with you one night for bottle service so that would be fine okay all right okay okay mincy
or uh definitely guy wants to holler he i mean he definitely had it circled on the calendar yeah
smokes has has had the holiday party circled on his calendar even though we haven't had it
on the calendar yeah he's definitely he's floated that to multiple girls. Holiday party.
Oh, yeah.
Inviting them.
Yeah.
Do you all do like a white elephant or something?
That is probably why he cares so much.
We don't.
Well, we did last year.
You should have a yak white elephant.
That's how we set.
Is that how Yankee Swaps started?
Or was that with drafts?
We did one last year, right?
The Christmas party for the yak.
We did a gift.
It was a secret Santa, secret price.
Vince is going to have to catch him.
Oh, Vince, you ready?
He is.
I kind of want to ask...
What do you think you're...
I kind of want to ask Vince questions as he's doing the trivia.
See if we can get him in a conversation.
Yeah.
He's right there.
Easily.
All right.
Let's see if I can... Let's go, Vince. He'll answer you. Let's go, Vince. All right.
Let's go, Mincy.
He'll answer you.
Let's go, Mincy.
All right.
I'm going to say three, two, one. Apologies in advance if this doesn't work, but I want to try.
Three, two, one, go.
Just chirping him like.
Oh, no.
One at a time.
Oh, shit.
Pick him up there.
Get some arc.
There we go. Okay, Mintz!
Let's go, Mintzy!
I hope he crushes it. If only there was a device
to keep pants up.
Did he make it?
That wasn't bad. That wasn't bad at all.
Uh oh.
Uh.
Oh, Malasek! Tell him to go up. That was nice by Malasek.
Tell him to go up.
That was nice by Malasek.
Tell him to go up.
You can go up now, Mintzy.
You can go up.
You can go up there.
Get as close as you want, Mintzy.
Get as close as you want.
Yeah.
He's not bad.
What's Malasek?
He's not trying.
That looked interesting.
Yeah, that was a...
This might be...
I don't know.
I think he's...
Oh!
Holy cow!
Was that gone?
Yes!
What the fuck?
Oh, I want him to be ahead of Brandon.
Oh, I can't.
Chuck.
Chuck.
You gotta get it, Mintz.
He just stares at the ball.
Focus, Mintzy.
Oh! Oh, no.
He's moving kind of slow.
I know, real slow.
Get out of the blocks.
Mincy's the only person in the world who wears a belt,
but he's never wearing a belt.
Wait, he has a belt on?
I think so.
He's missing by a wide margin right now.
Yeah, he's got a belt.
There's a belt.
I think there's a belt.
His pants have to be well below his ass then.
Yeah!
This might be tough.
Run, Mincey.
What if he's just wet?
He is.
Oh.
He's going to do all right.
He's decent.
He'll beat Cam Newton.
That's so funny.
Insane.
There we go, Vince.
Vincey.
No, wheel it down.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, he's limping.
He's got the century marathon coming up.
Oh, half.
You know what it is? He doesn't feel nerves. No. So he's. No, he's. He's got the century marathon coming up. Oh, half. You know what it is?
He doesn't feel nerves.
No.
So he's got a little chain in him where he's like, that was great.
Oh.
Oh, he's good.
He's close.
Jump, Mincy.
Use your legs.
Jump.
Kicking that cornhole board had to have hurt.
He's playing injured right now.
He really hasn't been the same since the injury.
It's tough to see a hard talent.
Remember the original rule?
If you go through the whole rack, you've got to re-rack every ball.
Oh, yeah.
I get it.
That would have been horrendous.
That would have been horrendous.
Oh, he's getting that green.
There we go, Mitzi.
Over here, Mitzi.
Over here.
Here we go, Mitzi. You're in a good spot, Mitzi. Over here, Mitzi. Over here. Here we go, Mitzi.
You're in a good spot, Mitzi.
Oh, shit.
How was that injury before you start?
All right.
Keep going.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
Go ahead, Mitzi.
Go.
Go, go, go, go.
Are you not going to J-Row?
Trivia, Mitzi.
No, I'm not.
Let's go.
What did you do?
Did you hit it off the cornhole board?
I hit it off the cornhole board.
Mitch, trivia.
You've got to finish your trivia.
Did you hit your –
No, no, no.
Here, you've got to do the trivia.
Is that going to be bad for your phone?
I think it's going to be okay.
Four U.S.-based airlines.
When's the –
Wait, wait, what's going on?
Four U.S.-based airlines.
Five Division I schools in Colorado.
What am I –
Which one?
Five Division I schools in Colorado.
Colorado, Colorado State, Air Force. Did youado state air force lucy got cleared what bowl is
all this big time for all right uh four u.s based airlines united delta there we go uh frontier
spirit what uh what bowl is all this gonna and uh and uh spirit uh american do you know what bowl
oh this is probably going to citrus bowl to play out
it's gonna suck yeah we need we need louisville to lose the fort state
what day is what uh flag day the hell if i know
last nine world series champions astros dodgers rangers there it is uh Rangers uh no oh Red Sox in 18 um
what other way you're good you're one you got 10 you got 10 okay yeah not a bad time wait did he
beat Cam Newton yes you beat Cam Newton's time.
Two legends of the Southeastern Conference.
What can you say?
I kid.
Not that.
No, look.
Right above him.
Yes.
That's the shirt I want.
That's Cam Newton KB.
I only have one quick thing to shout out.
I got a fundraising link up for St. Jude.
I'm trying to raise a little money.
Text it to me.
Yeah.
We're trying to. All the link up for St. Jude. I'm trying to raise a little money. Text it to me. Yeah, just, you know, we're trying to, all the money goes to St. Jude.
The kids that get treated there, their families never get sent a bill.
Very good stuff.
I'll just say it.
I'm putting on a freaking show on Saturday, boys.
I mean, my whole last six months has led to this half marathon.
I'm going to throw down in it.
I kind of want to settle on it if y'all think about it. Yeah.
What are we thinking?
So, I did the 58-minute 10K.
I think a 10-minute pace is doable, which is like 2 hours, 11 minutes.
Getting to 2 hours would be an all-time dream,
but that's about a 9.06 mile, so that's a stretch for 13.
So you think 2.10 is the line?
I think around 2.10 is a fair line.
Okay.
I think that's a fair.
I'm taking the under. I think it's a fair line. But Okay. You know, I think that's a fair. I'm taking the under.
I think it's a fair line.
But I feel like the way I've been feeling lately, though, man,
I mean, every time I reach back, there's more and more there.
I ran a 730 mile the other day on mile five.
I really.
You ran a 730 mile?
I'm feeling real, real.
Yeah, dude, I'm feeling real fiery, man.
That's insane.
No, dude.
I mean, like, I've, like, this is the best I've felt.
And, you know, it's all led to the St. Jude thing.
And it's, you run, like, you run through the St. Jude campus
and the kids that are being treated are out there cheering you on.
It's going to be emotional.
It's going to be, I've got a buddy who's running the whole thing with me,
clipping me.
It's probably going to be emotional.
It's been a hell of a year.
A lot of good, a lot of bad.
And, you know, I'd like to finish it on a positive note, raise some money.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's all just super, super great. What day is day is it what day saturday 8 a.m um so i'm
driving to memphis friday and uh i won't throw down this thing i really am i think uh i think
we're gonna do it awesome thank you very good i'm gonna send you a link yeah i can't wait all
right mincy i appreciate man yes send me yes send me the link all right all right i'm gonna try to
reel him back in i'm gonna try to reel him back in. I'm going to try to reel him back in.
Do you see – Dan, do you see Fish is doing shows at the Sphere,
at the Las Vegas Sphere?
Wait, what?
Yeah, like four days.
They're doing it with like a special LED show.
Yeah.
Wait, are you going to go?
Fish.
Jam band Fish.
PH Fish.
He already got it.
He nibbled.
He nibbled.
He nibbled.
Wait, Ole Miss, what bowl did he gain?
Citrus.
What game did he say Ole Miss was going to?
What game did he say Ole Miss was going to?
No, no, no.
No, don't mouth suck.
No.
Yeah, all right.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
It was Citrus Bowl, right?
Wait, you got to come back if you're going to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, I think it's the Citrus against Iowa.
But if Louisville loses to Florida State, that helps because Louisville will get a BCS bid if they win the ACC.
Or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah, whatever.
Y'all know what I mean.
New Year's Six Bowl.
And so the outside shot, I would love an Ole Miss-Oklahoma
or Ole Miss-Texas Cotton Bowl.
Either one of those would be super, super fun.
That would be sick.
You know, either one of those matchups, I'd be all about that.
I wanted – the Mints dream was the Peach Bowl
because it's December 30th at noon in Atlanta.
But I don't think – I think Missouri is ahead of us in getting it up.
Got it.
If you don't go to the Arizona Bowl, you're not going to be able to go to
the Ole Miss Bowl.
I mean, I'll go to the Arizona Bowl.
I haven't been asked about it.
All right.
I'll do whatever, though.
Okay.
Awesome.
Thank you, Mitzi.
Thank you.
I'll wake up Mitzi back next Tuesday, too.
Love it.
Live.
Big Cat, you still in for day one?
Yes.
I forgot I said said that but remind me
again on my day everybody in here open invite anytime say when say when i'm in i go i'm in
what uh what bowl game what bowl game you think lsu's gonna play oh i don't know yeah i don't
know what bowl game would lsu play lsu would probably play in – I think Kevin's leaving anyway.
He's gone.
Where'd he go now?
I love Vince so much.
I fucking love him so much.
Watch as the show on Tuesday.
I don't know what's going on.
He's the best.
That's the funniest shit in the world to me.
That's the funniest shit in the world.
He's the best.
I cannot.
Oh, my God.
Giggles, man.
Seeing him chugging back.
You laughed for like three straight minutes.
Oh, I'm crying.
I'm literally crying.
Passion.
Goddamn.
That kid is the definition of passion.
Every time I reach back, there's more.
That kid.
That kid.
That boy.
Fuck yeah, dude.
That's a locker room guy.
He's the best.
Just running right back.
Ole Miss.
Man.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Get it together.
Man.
Wake up, Mincy.
He's going to be great.
Am I going right?
Yeah.
I thought we lost him.
I said the fish thing.
He didn't bite on it.
He turned the corner.
He was gone.
And then all of a sudden.
He smelled something.
He got a hint.
Ole Miss.
We could have.
That was so funny, him doing the trivia.
Just asked him.
Stopped.
He did have to get the answer out for the bowl game like you had yeah the trivia
and they were like good job you did it then he kept he kept doing it all right uh last ad
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We got to do our wheel.
Yep. Oh, tomorrow we're gonna
add slices. Okay. We're gonna
add our own personal stuff. Oh, name wheel.
Yeah, name wheel. Can you give me an example
of one? Mine's gonna be go to sleep.
You have to leave the show and go fall asleep.
Okay.
And you can't
fake it.
Wee wee wee weehmm. Got it.
Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee.
Dead giveaway.
That ain't real.
Nuh-uh.
Wee-wee-wee-wee.
Yeah.
Should we spin?
Yeah.
Thank you, Taylor and Will,
for joining the Yak.
Love you, boys.
It was a blast.
Always fun to have you guys on.
I really like that thing.
The bags.
What should we have for dinner tonight?
Something special?
Yeah.
But the second you get done, you just want to do it again.
I want to do it right now. What do you got in mind, BC?
I don't know.
My stomach hasn't been really doing so well this week.
I haven't really been eating.
Who's the Thursday night game tonight?
Seahawks-Cowboys.
Pretty good game.
I think the Cowboys will crush them.
You guys should do like a BYO burrito.
Get all the stuff and the tortillas.
That sounds nice.
Craft it yourself.
I got a bit of a deal going on right now.
I have to be carnivore for a month.
Oh, that's kind of cool.
Not when you're here.
When you're at home, it's fine.
But when you're here, there's milkshakes. There's Jenny's ice cream. Yeah. A lot of cool. Not when you're here. When you're at home, it's fine. But when you're here, there's milkshakes.
There's Jenny's ice cream.
Yeah.
A lot of opportunity.
That's Will's fault.
When you're carnivore, that means you only eat meat?
Only meat.
Like no veggies.
You have to do that?
Yeah, because I got this stool sample back.
Your boy's got worms.
You have worms?
What?
I have two of them.
Two worms.
Two worms inside my body right now.
Doing what?
Are they doing anything to your system?
They're two separate little guys.
Are you like dropping weight?
Ripping in there.
No, I think it's from,
it could be a handful of things,
but I think it's from the anti-inflammatories
from football.
So it's a bit of a deal.
I mean, it's not a big deal.
It's going to go away in a month.
We'll be fine.
Are you going to shit out the worms?
I think you're supposed to, yeah. Will you see them squirming? So, it's not a big deal. It's going to go away in a month. We'll be fine. Are you going to shit out the worms? I think you're supposed to. Will you see them
squirming? So
my wife's got a friend who
they did like a worm cleanse. Yeah.
And she legit saw them.
Oh. Do we all
have worms? Maybe. A lot of people do.
Yeah, a lot of people do. That's scary.
It's a big thing. It's a big thing.
Don't love that. Like full moons
make them do more. I don't know. It's a new world I'm diving a big thing. Don't love that. Like full moons make them do more?
I don't know.
It's a new world on diet. They're acting up in that?
So wait, what?
That's why we got a full moon.
Yeah.
Got a bunch of Nicky smoke worms in there.
Yeah.
Crazy at the club.
Going nuts.
You think bottle service is bad?
All meat diet would be better.
Like, aren't there like worms in meat?
I don't know.
You know what?
I'm not a doctor.
Right, right.
Listen to the people that tell me what to do.
Are worms like that?
Is that in the animal kingdom? Yeah.
Is a worm a bug? Yeah, a worm's a bug. I watched that game night
and apparently it's not a bug.
Oh, I thought it was. Same. I still do. Yeah.
I would say that is definitely a bug. For sure. They're not insects.
They're for sure bugs.
I think bug's a general term.
Yeah, what qualifies a bug?
Creepy.
Creepy and gross.
Yucky.
Why is worms and slugs
on PNC Bank's website?
Yeah, click that.
What the fuck?
This is a weird find.
Yeah. Great question. Oh, fuck? This is a weird find.
Yeah.
Great question.
Oh, are they doing like a worm hunt?
Oh.
Still doesn't make any sense.
It makes no sense.
Wait, there's still...
What the fuck?
I don't... That's gotta be a typo.
The whole article?
Oh, fuck.
What did we...
Okay.
I don't know what that was.
Oh, man.
Will's got worms...
Or Taylor's got worms in his ass.
Yeah, he does.
Did it gross you out when you found out?
I mean, no.
I... No. I think I'd'd be uncomfortable are you gonna lose weight i've already lost weight but like are you gonna lose it because of the worms
because i wouldn't hate having no i don't think that's gonna happen not if i just eat enough
i don't know this is this is a new thing i found out this week boys
this is a therapy it's interesting they were fighting it huh should we got to know people are spamming the chat that the surviving
barstool links went private I don't know why TJ just texted me I'll try to find
out for everyone surviving barstool links weren't private I don't know oh
they went private yeah what does that I don't know all three episodes are not on
our YouTube right now I don't know who I'd ask. I'll ask. I'll ask.
I'll try to find out.
Interesting.
Buy something light.
What if that's all of them?
Part of the game, yeah.
Buy sabotage in the game.
Anything goes.
Anything goes.
That's what they're saying.
I'll try to find out for the Yak fans.
Listen, I'm telling you right now, I don't know shit.
I don't know shit. I don't know shit.
I'll try to find out.
You're becoming.
I shouldn't say becoming.
You already are, but even more so a fan favorite.
This surviving Barstool thing has been great for the Will Compton Q score,
I would say.
You're very, very likable.
You come across. This is where it gets buck. Right? You're very, very likable. Yeah. You come across.
This is where it gets buck.
Right?
You're the man, dude.
Yeah.
Thanks.
You fucking rule, dude.
Yeah.
I feel like the last week, who have we been in this situation with?
I asked one of the producers.
She has no idea either.
I text Jeff D. Lowe, but I'll tell you.
When you're trying to compliment the boys.
Yeah.
All right, fuck it.
Let's talk about something else.
Could it be a YouTube thing?
A game full of scumbags and backstabbers. I don't about something else. Could it be a YouTube thing? Oh, and a game full of scumbags and backstabbers.
I don't know.
You just.
TJ, could it be a YouTube thing?
It's a weird coincidence.
It was a fun week for sure.
Yeah.
You and Fight just cracked me up.
Yeah, the two of you at all times.
That's a good duo.
Yeah, bro.
Like, the very beginning when the whole idol thing, because I hadn't watched Survivor,
but people were talking about the idol.
So, I was just kind of following the crowd. Like guess we gotta look for this idol but I'm thinking in the
back of my head the whole time I'm thinking like I'm not gonna find this like if I find it's gonna
be because someone's like oh look the idol and then it's gonna be like well it seems like you
found it so you take it yeah so when fights was like um I'm gonna do uh I'm gonna do snacks I was
just like that's that's the way there's snacks crew're Snacks Crew. Where Brandon just left.
Should we spin the wheel?
Yeah.
I'll try to get an answer from the people.
Hey, ice cream?
We had ice cream that first night?
Yeah.
Got ice cream.
Always ice cream with the boys.
Oh.
Fun.
Perfect.
Yeah, I don't know. I wish I had an answer for the Yak chat
Steven's
giving me a
signal
let's just ignore it
this is a glitch or something
okay
alright we'll see everyone tomorrow
Nicky Smokes book report
and we'll have him do the Yak challenge feels good Will Taylor Okay. All right. We'll see everyone tomorrow. Nicky Smokes book report.
And we'll have him do the act challenge.
Yep.
Feels good.
Will, Taylor, thank you guys.
Love you guys.
See you for tomorrow. Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. It's your straws, yes, silence, hey, for a while, it's the act.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Yes, time to talk shop, we're doing Yankees love, it's the act.
It's the act. See you tomorrow. Bye.