The Yak - The Highly Anticipated Yak Torso Reveal Is Finally Here | The Yak 11-12-21
Episode Date: November 13, 2021Wait, yall dont like Frank the Tank?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barst...oolyak
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Okay, so here's our best photographical evidence yet that we need to take over the Big Dog Corporation.
Can we just look at Owen?
First of all, he's rocking a great shirt.
Turn towards the camera, Owen.
What is the shape of that?
Is that a rhombus?
It's got that rhombus cut.
Wizard's hats.
Look at your arms just falling out of that thing.
But you are rocking that shirt.
That is nice.
Let's put them on a sandwich and eat them up.
That hits several early 90s things right there.
Saddam shirts were all the rage, and Hasta La Vista was all the rage.
Are we live?
We're live.
We're fucking live.
Is this a handsome contest?
Oh, man.
God damn, Nick.
You do clean up nice.
I guess I finally started dressing. Oh, fuck. Are you rocking a belt buckle? God damn, Nick. You do clean up nice. I guess I finally started dressing.
Oh, fuck.
Are you rocking a belt buckle?
God damn.
Nick finally started dressing.
Damn.
Let me see that belt buckle.
That is something.
It draws the eye.
It really does.
Shriveled penis.
Right over the penis.
Don't look at the dick.
Oh, there's.
What if I just made it move?
That was me laughing. That wasn't it moving.
Okay, so... Yeah, let's just keep it on this
all day. You boys are bad. Wait, was that Kyle's?
Was that hammer trickery?
Oh, that's me? No, this is old
school Barstool, baby. Guess that bulge.
God, that looks pathetic.
Wait, please don't be me. I think that's you.
It's not you, Kyle. Yeah, zoom all the way out. It ain't me?
Zoom out. I think that's Nick.
Somebody put your hand on your cock. Oh, that ain't me. That ain't me. No! Oh, you, Kyle. Yeah, zoom all the way out. It ain't me? Zoom out. I think that's Nick. Somebody put your hand on your cup.
Oh, that ain't me.
That ain't me.
No!
Oh, fuck, Nick.
Yeah, that looks bad.
That looks like a pussy.
That looks aight.
That looks lightweight aight.
That looks sneaky goated.
Shit.
All right, well, that's probably enough.
All right, you boys are back.
I missed a week.
Missed a fucking week, huh?
It actually killed me.
The yak fucking tanked with it, you guys.
Did it?
What did we miss?
I was like praying for that.
You missed, I lost a Rudolph to Nate.
I saw the texts about that.
Yeah.
I don't know what that means.
Otherwise, I'm not sure anything happened this week.
Did anything happen this week that was interesting?
Funny joke, funny jokes. I'm sure there were some funny jokes. We had happen this week that was interesting? Funny joke. Funny jokes.
I'm sure there were some funny jokes.
We had some funny guys in here.
Catch me up on the inside jokes.
Yes.
We need caught up.
That's why our audience doesn't grow.
The act moves fast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
I don't remember anything from this week.
Sass has a show tonight.
Sass has a show tonight.
We got some Rick and Morty ugly sweaters on sale on the store.
Yeah.
Big week.
Big fucking week. Big fucking week.
Big fucking week.
All right.
So you boys were in Arizona?
Yeah.
All right.
How was it?
Tucson's nice.
Tucson's nice.
It's a cool city.
Kyle, you and I don't know each other that well.
Okay.
It does seem like Arizona wouldn't be your cup of tea.
Why?
You're damp in New York.
What would you be like in arizona it's a dry
heat okay i was like have you never heard no i was pretty i was not sweating that so you were dry
the whole time it's a cool city it's a very cool city we were staying right on campus yeah in a
literal dorm yeah it was half half hotel half dorm uh you can guess which side Kyle stayed on. No, we met up with Yak legend Sam Goldfinger,
the kid who pretended to be in college to be a barstool viceroy.
Survived Astroworld.
Survived Astroworld.
We met up with him at a bar, and he was like,
you guys are kind of boring.
I want to go get some pussy.
And he sure did.
That is the coolest thing you can say to somebody.
Yeah, he was like, yo, I'll be right back.
I just need to go get some pussy.
You guys will probably still be here.
You FaceTimed me with him, and I was shocked. I was like, oh, my God. And he was just yo uh i'll be right back i just need to go get some pussy you guys will probably still be here you facetimed me with him yeah and i was like shocked i was like oh my
god and he was just like hey man did he really call his shot going to get pussy he didn't have
to there was no shot being taken that implies that you can miss oh i see no yeah um no it was
good uh donnie shit his pants on the plane um tell that whole story let's go back to that yeah
let's start with that one should we go go get Donnie? Is he here?
His bag is at my desk, but I haven't seen the human being.
I'd rather tell the story so he can't defend himself.
I'd rather hear the story from you guys than him.
I still don't know what he was doing.
He shit his pants on the plane.
So we're waiting him out.
He shit his pants and the person next to him's shoes.
He said it ran off onto the girl's shoe.
Here's where I got a problem with this story.
And didn't get out to go to the bathroom.
If I'm sitting like this, how is this shit going to get from here all the way to her shoes?
So, it was while we were in line waiting to board from Tucson to Atlanta.
Right.
And Donnie loudly, he like comes up to the line late.
We were all like waiting to get on the plane.
Yeah.
And he loudly proclaims, there is a bunch of shit running down my thigh.
It's leaking down my thigh as we speak.
It's leaking down my thigh as we speak.
It's sticking to my jeans.
There's some runoff.
And everybody's just looking at him.
He's saying this right next to the people who will be sitting adjacent to us.
In a very small plane, yeah.
And then he's just texting our group saying, hey, I need you guys to run me toilet paper.
I don't know why.
I don't know if he was going to fill his crack like a crescent moon.
Like cock?
Like cock.
Cock in his butt.
And what?
He said that the woman next to him was very cool about it.
She took on a maternal role with him.
I don't believe that part of it.
I don't know.
I don't think there's any passenger who would be cool with you shitting on their shoe.
He said she took on a very maternal role.
I don't know. That was that.
That was that.
We went to an ostrich farm.
I don't want to get off the Donnie
shitting his pants on the airplane.
So he didn't shit his pants on the airplane. He shit his pants
previously and took it onto the airplane.
I think there was maybe some aftershocks on the airplane
as well. What led to
the shitting of the pants
did you guys have the same food that he had no we didn't i swear we didn't eat on this trip
you've been gone four days you ate something no didn't eat anything nothing oh yeah we had a
sonoran dog yeah those are bad it's a hot dog with mayo oh i don't like that no it doesn't
mayo in the desert doesn't sound the. Mayo in the desert is not appealing.
It's a bacon-wrapped hot dog.
That's more appealing.
Lathered with the worst.
And as soon as you stepped out of the place, it just got covered in flies.
Lathered and slathered, do they mean the same things?
Brother.
I think so.
No, trust me.
What's the difference in lathering and slathering?
Lather works up a foam.
Slathering is a smear.
Debate?
Similar.
Similar in their...
You can't lather a mayo.
There's no active ingredient.
You can lather soap.
Mayo and soap are not all that dissimilar.
Soap bubbles.
Show me a bubbleless lather, and I'll show you a liar.
I would not like to see a bubbling mayonnaise.
Yeah, a seltzer mayonnaise.
Yeah, carbonated.
What else went down on the trip?
What happened here?
Let's flip the script.
What happened here?
Yeah, anything?
You've already asked that, and we didn't have an answer.
Me and Owen have been on the show for four days.
Not even yak-centric.
Anything else?
Oh, here at Barstool?
It's been a quiet week.
I mean, not really much going on.
Thank you.
Lather?
Okay, there you go.
A frothy white mass spread or smear.
How did you have that so locked in?
I use those words a lot.
Slather and lather?
Slather and lather.
Well, that worked out.
Did you guys watch the –
So Dave got himself into –
He didn't get himself into anything, but Dave's been at issue this week.
Yeah, so did you guys gather around to watch it?
There were pockets of gatherings throughout this office.
There was a gathering in here post-YAC.
Everybody stayed and watched that TV right there.
The interns and all the young ones were all in the gambling cave.
There were pockets everywhere in this office watching that.
And I nervously frittered about from pocket to pocket because it gave me secondhand willies having to defend himself like that.
But I think he defended himself quite well, as you would do in that situation.
Yeah, got to do what you got to do.
He did get like a half standing O when he walked out, which was a little weird.
He did get a standing O over there when he walked over there.
That was something. All right, cool. Have He did get a standing O over there when he walked over there. That was something.
All right, cool.
Have you ever gotten a standing O?
Did you ever come upright?
You're a shower masturbator, so yeah.
I'm not a shower masturbator.
I don't know when that went.
See when Chase started that rumor.
He asked me if I was a shower masturbator.
I am not a shower masturbator.
You don't like to come clean?
No, I don't.
To me, that sullies the shower.
That sullies the shower.
That sullies the shower.
You're afraid of getting your shower dirty?
The shower is a clean place.
I don't want cum in my shower.
I want shower to be just water.
You're getting muck and grime off your body.
You're lathering up.
I want pure water in my shower.
I don't want a cum-filled shower.
All right, so when was the last time you came standing um it's been a
while i haven't i haven't came standing in in in years i would say you guys big standing comers no
no my thighs start to tremble yeah that happens and you don't have that sturdy of a thigh anyway
i don't i don't get the appeal of thing of fucking anywhere besides a bed or a couch i i agree
you're a big couch fucker why don't we take this to the fucking couch
you leave the bed to go to the couch you can make your couch rock yeah speaking of my nude body
jeff cavalier from athlean x who I was raving about on a few occasions.
He DM'd me.
He was like, I heard you talking about me on the Yak, and he invited me to his gym.
Are you going?
I think I have to.
You do have to.
You love him.
Is that in New York?
He's like a late-stage idol of mine.
What does a late-stage idol mean?
You haven't grown out of him yet?
No, you get idols as boys, but getting an idol as an adult?
An adult.
I idolized him as an adult
Alright, alright
Yeah, do you have any of those?
Yeah, I probably do
Yeah, you have the most idols
I don't have a lot of idols
Oh my god
This is about him
I'm fucking nervous though
Is that Jim in New York?
I've watched a lot of his videos and he doesn't laugh
Oh, fuck
He doesn't really even smile
This is not what I thought he would look like
He looks like the best version of you, Kyle Really? Kinda He doesn't laugh. Oh, fuck. He doesn't really even smile. This is not what I thought he would look like.
He looks like the best version of you, Kyle.
Really?
Kind of.
No, I don't think so.
Married.
So you want to look like that, Kyle?
No, but I don't know. That's a little much.
It is a little much.
I wouldn't be comfortable.
It looks kind of like John Cena's body with somebody's face
photoshopped on.
Yeah, sure.
He looks incredible.
He looks great.
He's a good looking guy.
You don't think other bodies
can look like that?
That's strictly John Cena's?
But there's a lot of...
Those were Cena forearms
for sure.
There's a lot of muscle bound men.
Why'd you idolize that one?
Because he does
like the best videos
especially for people
who are looking to get easy, effective workouts in.
So we were traveling.
Kyle had a backpack just full of creams, your face creams.
How many?
I don't know.
Baker's dozen.
You had 13 creams.
That was probably the half of it.
I have 26.
You have 26 creams that you've used?
I think so.
Your face has gotten them.
No, I think it's all a scam.
I don't know.
Then why did you buy
so heavily into it?
Now, you have been wearing green,
which offsets the redness
of the skin.
Right.
It's Christmas.
That has been intentional.
I'm not getting...
That's not...
I got prescribed
all this medication,
ointments for the rosacea,
and it's not getting better.
Were any of them elective?
Did you just choose
some of the creams
because you like the smell, the look, the taste?
No.
No.
Shut up.
It's 26 creams.
A lot of creams.
That's all.
You slather those.
How many creams do you use?
Creams?
In your life.
Nah, I'm an oil man.
Oil and vinegar.
Oh, man.
Tell us, Frank.
Yeah. oh man tell us frank yeah we have we have reached uh critical mass with frank and that no matter
what frank does it people will freak out and be mad at it frank was fine frank was frank frank
sat here frank was was uh acceptable he he talked when the when the time came to talk he made jokes
when the time came to make jokes frank was fine. When the time came to make jokes, Frank was fine on the act.
People act like it is World War III when he comes on
and they have to downvote everything.
They have to freak out.
No, he was fucking fine.
Him and Sass, people only have extreme opinions on them.
Yes, that is true.
Sass only has extreme opinions himself, though.
Yeah.
He does.
He only speaks in absolute terms.
Yeah, he's a Sith.
Worst best most least
You guys going to the show tonight?
I didn't realize it was tonight but I would like to
I have a
My 13 year old daughter has a
Or 12 year old daughter has a play
So I have to go to her play
What role does she have?
She is in the group numbers
There's apparently 17 songs in this play.
She's in five of them.
She says when the whole group gets up there, I'm in those.
So I'm like, okay.
She doesn't have any solo parts.
So she won't.
Correct.
She is, she is not considered one of the more talented people in the play.
Oh yeah.
Uh, but I will, uh, I will be there.
I will not be able to be at Sass's, uh, show.
Live show.
Sure.
It will be incredible.
Yeah.
It will be good.
Oh yeah. Francis is, uh, yeah. Pull up that, uh, card again. able to be at sass's uh show live show sure it'll be incredible yeah it will be good oh yeah francis
is uh yeah pull up that uh card again the guys had fun talking about francis's picture yesterday
i want to see if you guys think there's anything wrong with it no he looks like a really handsome
senior in high school in it it's it's good is it the very very pretty headshot of oh we also had
logo sports logo discussions yesterday for about five minutes we did logos for like 30 minutes
yeah we did we went over 30 minutes. Kid me.
We went over the Dolphins logos and which ones are better,
the Pantones and all that.
We did the Blue Jays logo.
Oh, we had Font Week.
We did have Font Week.
Shut up.
Y'all are playing now.
Y'all are playing now.
What's with the T-shirt, Nick?
I could ask the same about yours.
This isn't a T-shirt, so you'd be wrong.
I could ask the same about your hoodie.
It's just state. So there you go.
That's who's going to be Gloriela Samora and Vladimir Caimano and Little Sasquatch.
Francis's picture looks like when you search what happened to a child actor.
And that's like this.
Yeah.
A striped shirt like that, that's boyish.
It is boyish.
That's a boyish shirt.
It's a boyish face.
It's a boyish face. It's from a high up angle. It's a boyish face. It's a boyish face.
It's from a high up angle.
It's a boyish pose.
Everything about it is boyish.
Sass's headshot's nice.
I can tell.
He put in a lot of effort.
Yes, he did.
What did he do to get it?
He stood up in this room, and that was the genesis of his headshot.
But there you go.
Sass's show tonight.
Nice.
I think it's sold out prep sheet says what
is your favorite francis memory i don't have any kyle what's yours i mean in retrospect it's it's
not a good memory but i remember when he pitched an idea for a blog to me and i said yeah i think Yeah, I think that would work. And that was one of his later blogs, wasn't it?
Yes.
A much later one.
So I didn't know that you gave the okay on that one.
We were all in a group and he was just casually...
A group of how many?
He was just...
Two.
Well, that blog was probably topical.
He was running it.
He was talking a lot.
He was in topical. He was running it. He was talking a lot. He was in, like, performance mode because he talks as if he's always delivering stand-up material to you.
And I think I was just like, yeah, I don't see a problem with that.
And I didn't know that, and I was running ideas past you, and you always said okay.
And I was like, oh, thank you.
Okay, I found solace in that.
Wait, what?
I would always run, like, blog ideas past you or jokes. I was like, is this, like, too wait what i would always run like blog ideas past your
jokes i was like is this like too much you're like nah it was never has been well your first
blog at barstool sports nobody noticed it because it was like 80 000 words yeah but uh what joke did
you make in it that was not a lot so i got hired in like um, two months before I actually started.
So I spent two months on this blog.
I wanted to make a really good impression.
Can we go to KB's first blog and just scroll and see how many words it is?
Because that's, it is huge.
80,000 for real?
Around that number?
It could have filled a pamphlet.
I don't know that I've ever seen KB's first blog.
How much did you predate me by?
It wasn't great.
That was April 2019.
How much did you...
About 10 months.
Okay, so you were here a year before I got here.
God damn.
So KB's your superior.
KB is my superior.
I'm your superior.
You're Owen's superior.
We go right down the line here.
Yeah, that's right.
Is this all of his blogs?
The whole catalog?
Mm-hmm. The Vegan Vault? Is that's right. Is this all of his blogs? The whole catalog? Mm-hmm.
The vegan vault?
Is that it right there?
Yeah.
Your first blog was Flashback Friday?
Yes.
I tried so hard to just, like, pack it with jokes and puns.
Oh, buddy.
I went that long?
It was too long. What the fuck? I'm Barstool Sports News puns. Oh, buddy. I went that long? It was too long.
What the fuck?
I'm Barstool Sports News Hire.
It's long.
Two comments.
No, it got a lot of negative comments, and it just destroyed me.
Oh, let's see.
Sweating like a priest at a Pop Warner pool party is your all-time best line?
Well, that was his first block.
Right.
Station nightclub joke.
Not funny.
That's what it was.
Scumbag. What's next? 9-11 joke? I mean, it was. Oh nightclub joke. Not funny. That's what it was. Scumbag.
What's next?
9-11 joke?
I mean, it was.
Oh, my God.
The prophecies.
It was immediately next.
Yeah.
Who has ever spelt out 9-11 like that?
Yeah, that is weird.
I thought he was talking about a nightclub.
9-11 jokes. That's how that is weird. I thought he was talking about like a nightclub. 9-11 jokes.
That's how many jokes he wants in your blogs.
9-11.
9-11 jokes next time.
Keep it tight.
Scumbag.
They inspired you.
Some of the comments are fucking hilarious.
It destroyed me that day.
What happened to all the bad ones fucking hilarious that was it destroyed me that day my whole thing it was very negative there was a very negative i didn't realize how how cruel these these fans are
yeah no no that was for the best they'll get you and then i went on barstool radio and like
there was like a reddit thread that like this guy is the least electric guy of all time.
I was, yeah, I was nervous.
I was rendered speechless.
Yeah.
That basically got you hired though, Owen, being the least electric guy ever on the act.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That led to your life right now.
You're blessed.
Hashtag blessed.
Big time blessed.
When was the last time you made a Facebook post?
A couple years probably
for me.
I kind of want to right now.
KB, you should do one.
I only keep it
because my mom would get mad
if I didn't have it.
And she somehow,
she texts me,
she calls me,
she FaceTimes me,
but every three months
she will hit me up
on Messenger.
Your mom?
My mom, yes.
And I will have to answer her.
So I don't know.
What's the least intimate way to talk?
It's basically my way of communicating with my mother.
Is Facebook?
Yeah.
Oh, she's a 62-year-old white woman from the South.
She's Miss Facebook.
Wait, wait.
Your mom is the same age as my mom?
I have no idea how old my mom is.
A lot of people don't understand the South.
There she is. Why is that just in. A lot of people don't understand the South.
There she is.
Why is that just in a Google Doc?
I don't know.
This computer doesn't have photos.
Sydney Wells this week went down to my house.
She did content at my house.
I have no idea why.
So your mom and your dad are behind bars.
Sorry, Brandon.
No, that was good.
That was very good.
Okay. Piece of shit. You turned away from your body was good. That was very good. Okay.
Piece of shit.
You turned away from your body language immediately. I did, and it's me and Kyle for the rest of the show.
I guess you are the rudest.
I can't even make fun of your dad.
Yeah, you can.
Absolutely, you can.
What were we talking about before that?
Nothing at all.
Facebook.
Oh, yeah, Facebook.
We were talking about Facebook.
I don't...
Yeah, my mom's big on...
Does she share articles?
I think she's 64. I don't. Yeah, my mom's big on it. Does she share articles?
I think she's 64.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of people don't understand the South.
They don't.
You get married at like 20.
Mm-hmm.
I got married and had kids late.
I didn't have kids until I was 29.
That's very late.
That is late. A lot of my friends already had 10-year-olds when I was just getting into the kid game.
I'm 42.
I have friends that graduate with me that are grandparents right now.
20 years is usually the gap of kids to kids.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's not a great gap.
Not a terrific gap.
But West Virginia is the south.
No, we're not.
No.
In socioeconomic terms, you guys are.
In socioeconomic terms, we're like far east of Europe.
Like third world.
Moldova.
Moldova.
I think we have the GDP of Moldova.
Well, yeah, but Mississippi and West Virginia are very similar in those rankings.
They share 49 and 50.
It's a battle for 49 and 50 of rankings across the board.
Basically playing leapfrog at the back of the rankings.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
Leapfrog.
That was back in the days where the games and the people play were just with your body.
Let's play leapfrog on the playground or something.
KP throat fucked a girl in the bathroom in Arizona.
This is more interesting.
What?
I did.
It was just real quick,
casual.
In and out.
Did you enjoy it?
No.
She did.
Anything, Kyle?
I don't know.
Let's stop using that
as a crutch.
Me getting pussy.
Well, that's throat pussy. She did pussy. Well, that's throat pussy.
She did have crutches.
That's throaty.
Making me uncomfortable.
You look very comfortable.
That's the most casual fit you've ever worn.
It really is.
I know.
You look like Billie Jean King.
Did you guys talk about Big Cat's tweet?
The one about Billie? King. Did you guys talk about Big Cat's tweet? The one about Billie?
Yeah.
It was just starting to pop off.
It was popping off during the act, and we started looking at his quote.
If we could look at his quote tweets, it's always funny to see how many people took it seriously.
Because I think I looked last night.
It was 500 quote tweets.
One of the quote tweets says 100,000 likes.
What?
One of the quote tweets does?
It's not even funny.
I'd like to see that one.
100,000 likes for falling for Big Cat doing that.
What else is going on, Owen?
Apologize, Owen.
I don't know.
I'm talking to you, but my back is to you because of the mistrust I now have with Nick.
So I'm now fully invested in
this side of the room with kyle and uh and tj so there you go um just let this veteran cut in front
of me there's the and then uh then i took this photo of him peeing just a little something for me
and that has a 103 that is ridiculous 103 000 likes Ridiculous. 103,000 likes?
I don't think I want to live here anymore.
Yeah.
Is that Jake next to him?
I think it's Jake, yeah.
No, it is Jake.
That's the most identifiable upper quadrant in the office is Marsh.
The upper quadrant of his, I don't think so. That's not true at all.
I don't think so.
I think there's more.
Nate has an identifiable upper quadrant.
Maybe Zahn, Nick? Who has the most? Oh, Zahn. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so. I think there's more. Nate has an identifiable upper third.
He was the most.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oopsies.
I meant.
Never mind.
People are also pointing out that person that got 100,000 likes their pin tweet.
Oh.
Okay.
Why is that?
Okay.
That's not.
I mean, that's kind of funny yeah unsafe
brandon what brandon have you ever had a tweet go 100k no i haven't got wait yes i had one i have
one at 200k that's my biggest one what was it i don't i don't i'm not proud of it was it a sport
take no it was a it was a it was a kobe death take it was a it was a i death take. It was a – Jesus, dude. I jumped in on the numbers on Kobe's death.
Kobe died, and I went number hunting, and I got some.
So I got to 200K on Kobe.
But what did you say?
Was it a joke?
No, I was being real at the time, but looking back, it sounds stupid and cliche and stupid,
so I don't really love it.
But it was about, like, you know, how I respected that he spent all his time with his daughter and stupid, so I don't really love it. But it was about how I respected that he spent all his time
with his daughter and everything, and it was all this thing.
As a girl dad, it was one of those.
But I clearly went number hunting.
It probably did move you as a father of a similar-aged girl.
That's a good thing to share with the public,
because all your kids are on Twitter.
They can see that, how much you care about them.
Right, that's the only way they know.
And then Sass Marone made a podcast making fun of it.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Fun of that one?
Not that one.
Making fun of being a girl dad.
Yeah.
I admired him a lot for that.
I did.
I did.
Can we just take it off?
You rounded it up.
Should we ratio his ass?
Ratio.
Why are you going to ratio me?
But that's my biggest one.
193. That's pretty good. that's my biggest one, 193.
That's pretty good.
What's your biggest one, Kyle?
Nothing crazy.
400 some.
Double yours.
Nick got like a million once.
You got a million?
That was close.
How close?
You didn't.
800.
Was it one of the girlfriend tweets?
Yeah.
That was my crutch.
I missed those.
Yeah, I just, I don't know.
You know, you got hired at a social media company and you stopped doing social media.
Yeah, it was a means to an end.
It was a means to an end.
No, I should start tweeting again, but I just run out of jokes.
Let's use the prep sheet. So, Steve Chase didn't show up today. Nah, fuck that out of jokes. Let's use the prep sheet. The prep sheet.
So, Steve Chase didn't show up today.
Nah, fuck that.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
Let's use the prep sheet.
What?
Why did he do that?
What the fuck is that?
Ryan.
A little misdirection.
Yeah.
You want to get somebody in here?
Yeah, I do.
Yeah.
You know.
Who do you want?
Jordan Woodruff's right there, but I think that's by design.
Jordan.
Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
Jordan.
Get Jordan and Ebony.
Ebony.
Nah, that's not going to happen.
Ebony said no.
Hi, Jordan.
You want to be on the yak?
Do you want to be on the yak?
Well, sit your ass down then.
Just any chair, really.
Jordan Woodruff.
Woodruff. Rough, yes. Wood. Jordan Woodruff. Woodruff.
Rough, yes.
Woodruff.
Woodruff.
Woodruff.
You don't need to have the extra rough in that.
You want to snag somebody else up?
Not that you're comfortable.
Entirely up to you.
What?
If you want to, you can.
What?
If you want to snag somebody else up.
You want to bring somebody else in?
Like who?
Anybody.
Entirely up to you.
Your choice.
Oh, Ebony can't come in because of Enrique's not here.
No.
Okay.
Diversity, we don't want it.
We've run out of topics and have more than half the show left.
Yikes.
Oh, so you're just using me because you guys have nothing to talk about.
Well, my circadian rhythm is off.
I just came from two time zones away.
And he hasn't had a chance to ground in Central Park yet.
What?
Nothing. You ever been to Arizona?
Yeah, I don't like Arizona. Why not?
I don't like the desert.
Arizona's not all desert.
It's mainly desert.
I don't think I like it either. I do like it.
I like the original. You get there and it's
so different. It's a change of pace and scenery.
But I think it's depressing.
We went to some small towns.
Small desert towns are the most depressing small towns.
Way worse than hillbilly rural.
Yeah, I agree.
There's just something.
What's different about them?
The people are weathered.
I hate a good weather.
Yeah, they're real weathered. They're good weathered. Yeah, they're real weathered.
They're cracking.
Their skin looks as if it is in the midst of cracking.
Like an old purse.
As would asphalt.
As would asphalt.
And yeah, it's just different.
They're poor.
Which is ultimately the worst thing about them.
They have the worst alcohol and drug issues, I think.
Yeah.
Even worse than West Virginia or Appalachia.
Even worse than Appalachia?
I always thought Appalachia had the worst.
I thought the Midwest states did.
No, Midwest is...
Everyone's claiming it nowadays.
Everybody's claiming number one.
Every time you mention heroin, everyone's like,
oh, my town has the worst of it.
Let's get the rankings up.
I think it's just a universal thing.
I've heard so many places say we're the crystal meth capital of the world.
Everyone claims meth, heroin, et cetera.
And they're proud of it.
Does it make you tougher?
You're not the one doing heroin.
Is it like, oh, my home state, heroin everywhere.
Can't believe I made it out.
My hometown was known for that.
See, everyone says that.
Are they too poor for heroin in Mississippi?
Yeah.
My house was the capital of crystal meth in Mississippi.
It was fantastic.
What's the number one say?
I can't read that.
The boys.
What's wrong with it?
You can't read because of your eyes?
It's too small?
You can't read?
I can't read my eyes.
I have really bad eyes.
So this is
opioids. The boys are winning by a landslide.
West Virginia's killing it.
Maryland is second?
I would have never guessed.
That borders West Virginia, doesn't it?
Yeah, but Baltimore's in...
Yes.
It definitely is.
Baltimore's in...
Wow, that was something.
Yeah.
Not the best geography there.
New Hampshire, Ohio, Massachusetts, Connecticut.
Rhode Island?
Interesting.
Well, New England doesn't seem to be that happy of a place.
Really?
Really.
Connecticut's like the happiest state.
I love New England.
Connecticut was there.
Massachusetts was there.
Rhode Island was there.
I mean, if you're on heroin, you're probably happy.
Even their podcast hosts want to kill themselves in Massachusetts.
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's so nice to have you guys back in the office.
The name of the show also just spells it out.
Damn ass, yeah.
Which is good.
I appreciate that, Jordan.
It's good to see you, too.
Yeah, I miss you guys.
Thank you.
You guys were all gone, pretty much.
You realize me and Owen have not been gone at all.
I've been sitting beside you.
I've said hi to you every single day this week.
Yeah, but you like to hide.
I sit next to you.
Jordan, Jordan.
You hide.
I don't like doing, I don't know.
We sit on the same row.
You have not been in our row all week.
I don't know what to tell you.
I've talked to you every day this week
No you have not
I called you cat yesterday
Me and you and Alex Bennett
Talked yesterday
Did we not?
Possibly
I have short term memory
But I will say Owen hides
So I see him once he says hi and I never see him the rest of the day
Similar with Brandon
You also hide.
Who do you think the rudest person in the office is?
I mean I definitely have my opinions on who that is.
Why did you say it?
That was adorable the way you said it.
You emphasized the O.
You emphasized the O.
And guess what?
I didn't hate it.
I'm not going to share who I think.
Share your opinions.
No.
Is it a guy?
Yeah.
I have girls and guys.
You can just say it.
Oh, I'm not saying it.
We need to raise awareness to this musical duo from mine and Kyle's hometown.
The Krosakis Brothers.
Krosakis Brothers.
I need you guys to look at them.
They walk around our town dressed like this.
They're a religious duo.
TJ, can you search their YouTube?
How do you spell Krasagas?
Krasagas.
C-H-R-I-S-A-G-A-S.
They dress like they're in the 70s.
Their mother was not supposed to have kids.
She did anyway.
And she had twins.
And they say they have 800 allergies.
800?
There they are.
They walk around our town dressed like that.
They are amazing.
They have a pilot.
They're Christian?
Catholic?
Yeah, and I don't want you guys to clown these guys.
Are they gay?
No.
But they're always dressed like that.
Are they still alive?
Yes.
This picture looks like it's from the 1960s, 70s.
No, no, no.
That might have been last week.
Is that Emilio Estevez?
No.
No, no.
Isn't that Eric Estrada?
Yeah, that is Eric Estrada.
So, yeah, they sing.
They made a television show.
This is the picture.
That's the picture right there.
There was a recent article in our
Wheeling Intelligence paper
and what was the headline?
the Krasagas brothers are the
twin towers that are still standing
yeah
they compared them to the twin
so that's the last
can we pull up one of their music videos?
they have one that's about the rapture that's pretty good
and these guys are really nice oh have one that's about the rapture that's pretty good. And these guys are really nice.
Oh, Split Second. That's about the rapture.
Jesus Everywhere I Go is the classic
MTV.
That's the pre-Grammy nominated song.
So it's like every other song.
What is that?
Oh, I do want to see the ad.
No, this isn't the ad.
Oh, good acting here. see the ad. No, this isn't the ad. Oh, this is part of the... Yeah.
Oh, good acting here.
She looks Pelosi-ish.
Where'd she go?
Guess what?
Oh, wait, are they getting raptured right now?
This girl just got raptured.
Oh, fuck.
This girl just got...
Oh.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Oh, boy.
And these are the... These are from your hometown. Yeah, these are Oh, boy. And these are from your hometown.
Yeah, these are legends.
I think they're from Ohio, right across the river,
but they're wheeling by association.
The wheeling metro area.
These guys are old.
There's a long intro to this song.
Oh, yeah?
It's pre-Grammy nominated.
This is a long instrumental.
Get to the singing already.
Our town's weird.
And for identical men, they have vastly different voices.
He's the bad boy of the group.
I can tell.
Looks like Wildcat, Wendell Cooley.
Oh, shit.
These guys.
We just want to raise awareness because these guys rock.
They do.
They rock.
Can we get them some more subscribers?
Let's get their numbers way up.
Way up.
And look, now they're detectives.
They're rapture detectives.
That only has 2,000 views.
That's their biggest hit.
But yeah, they're fantastic,
and I'm trying to see them live when I go home for Christmas.
You could probably just arrange that.
Just go see them.
Well, they're everywhere.
They're everywhere.
But then I think their pilot of their show is also on YouTube.
It's called Double Occupancy, and that's with Eric Estrada.
It's about they buy a hotel.
Saved by the brothers.
Not the cool sense
of the word.
This is just an interview.
You've heard of these guys
right to the left of me.
You're damn right we have.
I'm Brian.
And I'm Sean.
And we are the
Chris August Brothers.
We have been singing
Christian music for
over 30 years.
The same old
Over 30? How old are they? We don't preach in the traditional way 30 years. The same old thing. Over 30?
How old are they?
We don't preach in the traditional way.
I think they're like 38.
No.
My brother and I have a strange and wonderful relationship.
He's strange and I'm wonderful.
We do music videos.
Barbies, bad guys, and guns.
We use costumes.
Puppets.
Yeah, whatever. Their laugh kills me. These costume puppets.
Their laugh kills me.
No, this is a parody.
No.
They're incredible.
They're incredible.
They're awesome, awesome guys.
So they're celebrities in Wheeling.
Yes. Did you knowy are the insane.
Did you know them growing up?
They're like 60.
They're not 60.
I think they're like 60.
Wow.
Look good.
It's amazing what a little god can do to you.
Yeah, it really is.
It really is.
But yeah, if you guys could help support those guys,
they're very nice men.
We're going to download their entire catalog on the way home.
Good.
Corsagas Brothers.
Because me and Kyle have been trying to explain them.
No slick shitty.
They don't be trolling them or roasting them.
No slick shitty.
Yeah, let's, you know, give them their flowers.
Does it hurt no matter what you guys do with Anus as a pair
that you'll never be the best duo from Wheeling?
Definitely. Those guys have us beat um are you even second is there another duo duo i don't i don't know is there a trio
any group no no i don't think so yeah uh brandon what kind of fucking jeans are you wearing right
now i'll talk about mugsy jeans
in a minute but that did remind me so i don't have the chrysakis brothers all right okay but
in the religious thing that we watched growing up there was a show called morning on um
on shows that start with that are always it's called morning it came on at six and every time
every day you woke up and got dressed get get ready for school, you watched this local show where these people are singing called The Morning Show.
And the thing that went viral from there was The Breakfast Song.
Pull The Breakfast Song up.
The Breakfast Song went viral about 10 years ago, and this is from my hometown.
Okay. Everybody's got them.
Everybody's got something.
But when I was watching that, I was like, wow, this is very similar to what's going on,
what's popping off in Tupelo,
Mississippi.
This went super viral.
I don't know if you've seen that, but that's
what we woke up watching every
day. I think everybody has
Christian singers that are
stars inside their universe.
They're genuine stars in the town.
I think he's dead, though.
Yeah, 3.6 million views.
It's the best thing ever.
No more bacon.
Fuck, you probably hated that.
No more orange juice.
And he just sings breakfast items.
The lack thereof.
For 20 minutes.
No more biscuits. And you'd be shocked how many items he can lack thereof. For 20 minutes.
And you'd be shocked how many items he can name for breakfast.
Does he say grits?
Oh, yeah.
Does he say grits?
That was grits.
He gets to everything.
Every breakfast food.
All right, that's enough.
It's catchy.
It's not a bad song.
It's not a bad song.
Do you guys listen to Elvis Duran?
I don't You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah
That was
What?
You just associate it with
You're always listening to it
When you're on the way to school
Or something undesirable
Not the school bus
Yeah
Was the school bus desirable to you?
No You wouldn't listen to it on the school bus.
You would listen to it in a vehicle with a radio.
All right, so Muggsies are the most comfortable men's jeans on the planet.
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These jeans look stylish but feel like you're wearing sweatpants.
I got my first pair of Muggsies this week.
I wore them twice.
I wore them Wednesday and Thursday.
I was embarrassed about that, but my wife was sick.
And they're the most comfortable jeans I've ever had.
They feel like sweatpants.
They do stretch.
They're incredible.
They're awesome.
They're fantastic.
I got the PMT clutch jeans.
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Jordan.
Giorno.
Thoughts on those boys?
The ones we just saw on the TV?
Yeah.
The Saugus brothers.
I wasn't a fan.
What?
No, I was not a fan. What did you not like about them?
You love celebs.
They are not
celebrities. Wow.
What's the threshold? Has backfired.
I mean,
like for just celebrities in general,
I feel like you have to have a little bit more than
2,000 followers.
Everything's relative, right?
2,000 followers in a small town.
I was going to say it's relative because they're celebrities of your hometown.
Yeah.
But I'm not from your hometown, so.
I was just thinking you could throw him a bone.
Wasn't a fan.
All right.
Give him some bad publicity then.
That's fine.
What is your goal?
Do you want to be a superstar or do you just want something less?
In life?
We're going into goals of life?
Yes.
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Come on.
Tell us.
It's just us.
What are your guys' goals?
Want to be rich?
Do you?
Kind of.
That's whack. Do you not? Want to have a lot of money? I've? Kinda. That's whack.
Do you not?
Want to have a lot of money?
Got everything I want
right here.
You don't have
what do you have?
I just
I just embraced you.
You touched me.
You're my guy.
In a joking
in a joking manner
what do you have
in this life?
I have some fire.
Oh shit.
Oh he does have that shirt.
And that belt buckle.
And a phone that's now broken.
Kyle, did you get belt buckles out there?
I didn't get a belt buckle.
Just a vest.
Leather vest.
Can we pull up PB's recent anus tweet?
I had to screenshot Kyle's fit.
Because for some reason when you were wearing that, your head looked really long.
Yeah, it was a good angle.
We'll just look at it.
Brandon, did you see it?
I haven't seen this.
I haven't seen it.
Wait, what's going on with the center of your head?
What's the light in there?
Is the TV broken?
No.
What's the caption called?
What's your facial expression, too?
Yeah, it doesn't look like it. Is there just like a blue light over your face?
Like befuddled, beleaguered?
I don't know what to...
Jordan, you saw it.
Thanks for the reaction.
You reacted to it?
She reacted with the flame emoji.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
It may have been by accident because people do that a lot, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
I did not do that.
Oh, yeah?
No, it wasn't you.
Prove it. Why wouldn't you. Prove it.
Why wouldn't you react to a flame emoji?
That's flames.
It's fire, but I did not
send him a flame emoji. Silly me thinking
I was good enough.
I did see it though.
Great Instagram story. You need to post
more on Instagram. You never do. Neither of you guys do.
I posted last week.
A pumpkin.
Halloween.
Does not count.
What?
People want to see more of your guys' face.
I'm not sure.
I don't know about that.
You should have seen our numbers before this went to YouTube.
Trust me, honey.
Yeah.
What about the torso reveal?
Are we getting that anytime soon?
No.
You were shirtless in the anus episode on YouTube.
I didn't realize that got caught on camera.
Fuck off.
Yeah, don't you guys...
You just keep pushing that.
I feel like every episode,
you keep saying it's coming later and later.
Sex sells.
Fuck.
Okay.
Whoa!
Shit.
That's...
Goddamn.
Goddamn, Kyle. Kyle X Y. There's... Goddamn. Goddamn, Kyle.
Kyle XY.
There's no belly button.
Why are your pants so high?
Okay.
All right.
That's a good torso.
Let's get some...
You got abs.
I'm just going to get taken down off YouTube.
What are you talking about?
What the fuck?
You do have abs.
You have abs.
You have good abs.
Stand up and do the twist.
I thought that was the point of the torso.
God damn it.
Holy shit.
Those jeans are fitting right.
I don't fucking have abs.
You have.
They're there.
No, I don't.
They're there.
I want a six pack.
Well, look.
Look at the girls looking.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
Kyle.
We have an audience out there.
Why are they laughing?
They're not laughing.
I feel like that's an ironic applause. Where did those girls come from? They're not laughing.
I feel like that's an ironic applause.
They're embarrassed.
They're embarrassed. Of themselves.
They love it.
Caught them lacking.
Do a lap around the office.
What's the muscle here?
Whatever that is.
That's your best one.
That's not the oblique, right?
I thought that you wanted to do a torso reveal because you had stopped drinking and got in great shape.
Am I mistaken?
I think you're accurate.
We don't need to show this man.
He doesn't want to show this.
His face is a torso.
We've got to stop with those.
No, yeah.
We have to stop with those?
Yeah, so that was the original thing.
These make me wild.
Okay, Brandon, you're next.
Jordan, are you doing the no drink November november i am how's that going it's actually great i feel so good i'm only on like day seven but i feel great wait that's how it was for me today's
november 12th i started a few days late so you you actually aren't doing it because on the fifth
you had drinks no i'm doing nove doing November 7th through December 5th.
That's not a month.
No, not every month has 30 days because my friend's visiting me on December 5th.
So what are you going to do?
Like instead of drink?
Me, I can.
That was fine for me because I'm independent.
Are you saying you're not independent? Yeah, I can... That was fine for me because I'm independent. Are you saying
you're not independent?
Yeah, I like being alone.
I like being alone.
I'm independent.
Okay.
All right.
Well, you know,
I'm going to hang out
with my friend Sober.
I have Friendsgiving.
It's tough.
You have a Friendsgiving?
Yeah, this weekend.
Where?
None of your business.
You're not going to drink
at the Friendsgiving?
No.
Can you please support me in this No Drink November? I of your business. You're not going to drink at the Prince giving? No. Can you please support me in this no drink November?
I'm not sure.
First of all, you didn't support yourself.
You drank on November 5th.
I could use a fucking brew right now.
If I went and got us all beers, everybody good?
Yeah, let's have one.
Yes.
No.
Yeah.
You want a high noon?
No, I'm not drinking.
I don't give any peer pressure either. What if you get asked to do a high noon? No, I'm not drinking. I don't give any peer pressure either.
What if you get asked to do a beer tweet?
Submit a video of you doing a...
You'd be on Dana's Instagram.
Mm-hmm.
The Holy Grail.
That's what we're all doing.
December 5th, I'll drink.
Biggest mistake you'll ever make professionally.
Mm-hmm.
Saying no to one of those.
You got a chance.
Just wait till my energy's fantastic.
Feeling a little slow today, but...
Well, you can have coffee.
I had the weather turned.
Oh, I've had plenty of coffee today.
The weather turned today.
It's rainy.
Yeah.
I like it.
It's not a big energy day, though.
No.
I feel off today.
I'm bathing today.
Going to the bathhouse after this.
I've been walking 10,000 steps today.
Good for you.
That's what a human should do.
Yeah.
I've been drinking two glasses of water.
I know, but I've been reading my...
Did you guys talk about Devin's Instagram story?
Oh, my God.
Devin.
Let me get it.
Wait, is she here?
I need to confront her about this.
What was her Instagram story?
She said something along the lines of,
the Chicks in the Office live tour has been insane.
I've gotten 14 hours of sleep the past two nights.
I haven't changed in 24 hours,
and I think I've slept for a good 14 hours the past two days.
That is a good sleep.
It's the exact doctor recommended.
Seven a day for an adult.
Which is the same as when Glennie said he was awake for 16 hours.
And she wore one outfit in one day without changing. Wow. Well well god gives his toughest battles to his strongest
soldiers wait so what's the problem with the instagram story she described something everybody
jordan i'm not sure how plugged in you are to the show right now i feel so off today i'm just like
we're gonna help you fight through this yeah Yeah, I feel weird today. Do you ever have those days where you just feel weird? Yeah, Tuesdays.
I don't know.
There's Beeman.
What are you getting into this weekend?
I have Friendsgiving.
People are going.
I thought Friendsgiving was December 5th when you had to start drinking.
No, this is this weekend.
People won't shut up about this lunch I'm supposed to have with Beeman.
It's every day.
She has a real boyfriend, and Kyle's never...
What happened to your hat on the trip?
I didn't...
Why did your hat do that on the trip?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Pull the illusion.
There's Beeman.
Oh, wow.
Was she pointing at her sweater?
I don't know.
Referencing your torso.
What are you guys doing this weekend?
I feel like you guys never talk about your personal lives.
Not a goddamn thing.
I say this to you every time I'm on the app.
Why would we ever talk about our personal lives?
Nobody gives a shit.
I think we do.
Yeah, Jordan.
People don't care what I did yesterday.
Yeah, I think it's narcissistic to think that your daily life would be entertainment.
You guys are so depressing.
We're all just raindrops on a windshield.
She's got us fellas down to a science.
I listen to Son of a Boy Dad and Anus Pod every week,
and you guys are depressing.
Which one do you like more?
I'm glad you understand the theme,
the existential situation of the modern man,
our inability to communicate, our despair.
You're depressing.
Yeah, we are depressed.
Yeah, people want to know more about your life.
If you did a poll, I bet you
over 50% would say they want
to know more about your life.
They're all depressed too.
I don't think.
I don't know.
Why else would they think we do?
They're dating and stuff?
Everything.
Why don't you tell us what you think we're going to do this weekend?
Let's work on that exercise.
Watch football?
Well, you got me nailed.
There's a one out of four.
You're done.
I feel like, honestly, I don't know.
Because I don't know anything about you guys.
What's Nick going to do Saturday?
Drink with KB.
Probably do that.
Probably.
And Owen will probably hang out with Sass and they'll do comedy stuff.
Why won't me and Kyle do comedy stuff?
Maybe you will.
Do you guys hang out?
I don't know.
Do you guys hang out together outside the office? You just said they were going to drink. You don't think they do comedy stuff. Maybe you will. Do you guys hang out? See, I don't know. Do you guys hang out together outside the office?
You just said they were going to drink.
You don't think they do comedy stuff?
No, like Owen and then...
See, Nick, Owen and I hang out all the time.
Yeah.
I probably hang out with Owen more than I hang out with Kyle.
How would I know?
I don't know.
Just assume.
Just thought you were an observer of the human scene.
That's all.
No.
People here are...
People don't talk about their personal lives here. Just thought you were an observer of the human scene, that's all. No. People here are...
People don't talk about their personal lives here.
I could give you my whole weekend.
I'm going to Connecticut after work,
and then I'm going to Long Island on Saturday for an anniversary of a death.
And then I'm flying to Minneapolis on Sunday.
Time.
Can I get a 30?
Can I get a 30? Can I get a 30?
What, Def?
A friend of my family.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm from Minneapolis.
Is that good?
Everyone's happy we broke down the weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow, you're right.
Sharing does feel good.
Wait, why are you going to Minneapolis?
I'm from Minneapolis.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Roan is filming Sunday and Tuesday there.
So me and Sass are going to fly out Sunday night and shoot some stuff and film a pod.
You're not going to be on the Yak Monday and Tuesday.
We should be Tuesday.
That didn't make sense.
When are you flying out?
Sunday?
Sunday afternoon. And you'll be back Tuesday? I think we're just going for a day. Yeah, I don't know. When are you flying out? Sunday? Sunday afternoon.
And you'll be back Tuesday?
I think we're just going for a day.
Oh, wow.
What's Roan filming?
Those, like, superfan things.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's very talented.
Roan's a very talented man.
Very talented.
It's frustrating.
That he's so talented.
How many he has?
No.
I found something in my pocket.
Is it Kratom?
Is that a Kratom vial?
It's a kratom vial.
Why don't you take
a swig?
Make a ring out of it.
What is kratom?
Taste it.
This is not...
Oh, this is kratom.
It's an over-the-counter opioid.
No, I'm not putting
this in my mouth.
There's enough in there
where it would only be
a mild effect on you.
But, like,
what does it do?
Oh, Rico with the TikTok dance. Oh oh wow oh yeah we noticed we see oh yeah now we're gonna stay on you for a
little bit go all the way in yeah yeah let's get in a little bit closer he knows oh oh god oh this He knows. Oh, no.
Oh, God.
This is how it ends.
Some things have got to be...
Oh, dear God.
Jordan, best and worst first date you've ever been on?
Best and worst first date?
All right, I have a lot of bad dates.
Worst date was... Just coming in? What's this? Oh, okay. Alright, I have a lot of bad dates. Worst date was...
Just coming in?
What's this?
Oh, Madeline.
Have a seat, Madeline.
You can have this one or that one.
That's interesting.
That's bad?
It is.
I watch the act every day.
I love how happy you are.
You want to tell everyone what you do?
Plug your socials?
Hey, guys.
I'm Madeline.
I'm social.
I do macrodosing.
I'm on my own as Mad Dog.
I'm macrodosing.
I do Cause I Said So Now with Alex and Kim.
Nick has a quick question about your guys' Instagram.
So your Instagram handle is Cause I Said So? No, we got rid of the nine. with Alex and Kim. Oh, Nick has a quick question about your guys' Instagram.
So your Instagram handle is Cause I Said So.
No, we got rid of the nine.
So it's just Cause I Said So?
Yeah.
So when I read it,
it looks like it says
Cause is AIDS.
Oh.
Because that's what it does say.
But it says Cause I Said So.
Oh, Cause Eyes.
AIDS.
Cause is AIDS.
Oh, nice.
Oh, nice. But we got rid of the nine. Okay, so the. Cause is AIDS. Oh, no.
But we got rid of the nine.
Okay.
So the AIDS part is there.
It just causes AIDS.
I'm sorry. It causes AIDS.
Uh-oh.
Like, that's a conversation.
Whatever happened to Freddie Mercury?
He died.
How?
Cause I said so.
Cause it's AIDS.
Cause I said it.
Yeah, that's good.
Did you guys ever, like, notice that and talk about it?
No, we haven't had the AIDS conversation yet.
Did he just point it out to you?
We haven't had the AIDS conversation yet.
That's on episode three.
That took us three episodes as well.
To do an AIDS conversation.
We haven't gotten there yet. Jordan was just on episode two.
That was fun.
It was fun.
What was your
worst first date was the museum well i've had a lot of really bad dates i think my worst first date
was i went out with a guy who had me like pay and he just talked about himself the whole time that dude rocks
he's a legend what do you mean he had you pay like it's one of those things you know how you're like
oh for like his meal too yeah like well wait really so where'd you go this was in minnesota
this was in minnesota it's just one of those things where you know how like as a girl you
always should pull out your wallet.
Let me say that quicker.
Yeah, and offer.
You do the fake grab.
So he invited you out to dinner, and you go, and the meal ends, and then what?
Well, the check comes, and it's like you pull your wallet out.
I know the move.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he just didn't stop you.
He didn't stop you.
So I just continued to put my credit
card out and he just never put his out as well so you put it out he did did he make any statement
expressing the payment situation it was just like i was like i can get this and he's like oh thanks
like it was just kind of like i was like all right like not even he didn't even split it no
did was our second date?
Madeline.
I don't know.
It's Minnesota.
I don't know.
Wow.
Wait, would you have gone on a second date after that?
No.
I've never had a first date that didn't have a second date, though.
Oh, I've had plenty of those. Ever?
No.
I'm only 22.
I haven't had a lot of life experience.
Finally, somebody gets it.
Finally.
Yeah, no.
It's the first time that's been said in that chair.
No, like I've never.
That's a sass move, to be honest.
Yeah.
That's what he does to us boys.
He's never paid.
Like, we'll confront him.
We'll be like, sass, you didn't pay for that pizza.
And he'll go, ha ha.
And he's like, dude, I'll Venmo you.
Yeah.
Never.
No, I'll Venmo him.
He owes each of us like $3,000. Mm-hmm. He doesn't even do like the I'll Venmo you. Never. No, I'll Venmo. He owes each of us like $3,000.
He doesn't even do the I'll Venmo you.
He's straight up about it.
No.
You can't on a first date.
What did you just do?
Casey just gave you a message?
Yeah.
What was it?
Casey and Brandon will be streaming tomorrow for the Michigan game.
Exciting.
I'm going to the Ohio State game tomorrow.
Really?
Where's that?
Columbus.
I'm leaving in a couple minutes to go to Columbus.
You're leaving?
In a little bit.
Friendsgiving is running out of people.
Okay.
Dave just died.
Decided.
Decided.
Decided.
So we're good.
We're streaming.
That was more disruptive than just walking in.
Correct.
She should have just come in there.
It's fine.
It's fine.
It's fine.
We don't need the...
Brandon, your eyes look piercing.
My hair's looking...
Wait, I need to ask Madeline a question for you.
No, no.
What?
So don't you agree that people would like to know more about their personal lives?
Yeah.
Yes.
Like they should talk about it more often?
Being mysterious is sexy.
Why?
You guys each get one question for each of us and then that'll be the show.
Okay.
Oh.
Starting with Kyle.
Oh, we're all asking a question?
Yeah, you each get a question for Kyle, you each get a question for Brandon.
Oh.
It's a total of eight questions.
I have one for KB.
Yeah.
Okay. What's the longest relationship you've ever been one for KB. Okay.
What's the longest relationship you've ever been in?
Two years. Wow. When was it?
Oh, well, that's
the second question. That's the second question.
2018.
Oh, that.
But you guys didn't talk for a lot of it.
Yeah, we would go stints.
Was that the Six Flags? Yeah, we went to
Hershey Park, didn't say a word to stints. Was that the Six Flags? Yeah, we went to Hershey Park,
didn't say a word to each other.
Did you just not like her?
That's the best story ever.
It was a clash of stubborn titans.
The biggest fight we've ever been in
was when she was driving my car
because I don't drive my car
and we passed a traffic light
and I said,
I was giving her directions,
I said,
make a right at the next light
and she drove through what would be the next light the one that's upcoming or the one after that
that's the same like debate as this weekend no i think the the next light is the one that's
upcoming right that's what i was and then she went right past it and said oh that's the next
okay so she she was going from.
She was saying, this is this light and this is there.
It's this light, the next light.
No, the next light is the next one that is.
I'm on Brandon's side.
No, it's this night.
I'm on Owen's side. I'm on Owen's side.
Yeah.
Well, I guess it depends on how close you are to said light.
Like if you're like basically almost passing through that light anyways.
If I'm driving and somebody says, take a right at the next light.
The next time I see a light, I'm turning right.
Yeah.
Well, that was that.
And that was what?
Did that end the relationship?
No, we just went.
We went to the Indy 500, the snake pit, and didn't say a word.
To each other?
To each other.
Yes.
Yeah.
Why?
But that's not really a very word.
We were having fun on our own accord.
Was this like a stubborn off at Hershey Park?
Like were you trying not to smile on a roller coaster?
That's exactly what happened.
I've told that story before, yeah.
So you were just staying stern on the...
I made sure because there's like the pictures when you get off
and I didn't want to have her see me expressing any joy.
Was she the same way?
She did, yeah.
It was a good clash.
Who won?
Who did win?
Who broke the silence?
It was you.
It was me.
It's always the guy
who breaks the silence.
I just won't break it.
Same.
Girls are stubborn.
Yeah, it's fine.
I'll never talk to you again
if I don't win.
Same.
It's easy.
Wow, look at that.
We just got a full conversation
out of opening up a little bit. Right was good well we give a little therapy act
session oh i'd therapy thursdays do you go to do you guys do you guys go to therapy no i do
should we go to 230 i'm strong man i could talk about therapy all day let's not brandon i think
you i think therapy is good for everyone i can tell he's never been you can tell Brandon's never been
I can tell the person
I don't think your therapist would like if you were saying that to people
well you have a good point Owen
I'm still going that's why I go every day
or every week
a girl DM'd me once and said I'm begging you to go to therapy
Kim get your ass in here
Kim
Kim
come here, Kim.
Come.
Put your phone down.
She loves taking.
Stop taking Facebook photos.
She loves taking pictures.
Kim, get in here.
Have a seat.
Kim.
Come here.
Have a seat.
Guys, this is Kim.
We understand that.
We're all calling her Kim.
Yeah, we were yelling for her name, but thank you.
Kim, are you about to leave too?
Yes.
Where are you headed?
What was your first clue?
Also the airport.
We're both going to Newark.
If anyone wants to come hang at Newark.
You going home?
Going home.
Cool.
Do I put this on?
If you want.
That's only if you can hear.
That's how you hear it.
Hey, Kim.
Hey, how are you?
Kim, what's new?
Kim, they have a new podcast out.
I'm social for it.
Yes, she is.
Yeah, I am.
She's helping us a lot.
I'm also Kim's like
Nick very supportive
but he did have
one qualm
with your Instagram
the Instagram handle
when the words are all together
it looks like it says
causes AIDS
that's not good
no
that's not bad
I think that
Madeline needs to fix that
somehow
I know but
I don't know what to fix it to
no it's too clean
magic's fine
an underscore
like cause
underscore I underscore said underscore so.
Maybe I'm just a cynic.
What are y'all talking about here?
It's fun.
We're opening up.
Therapy.
Therapy.
Don't you think they should go to therapy?
Therapy's important.
Them.
Uh-huh.
Your seed goes to therapy, right?
What?
Your daughter.
Oh, yeah.
What'd you call her?
I have seed.
Your seed?
Oh, seed.
It's like regional slang.
That's regional slang?
Yeah.
It's a West Virginia thing.
Okay.
It's like the most polite way to say it.
Yes, she does, but that BetterHelp app is awesome.
Well, they don't sponsor this show.
No, but I'm just saying they have good counselors and stuff.
It's an app?
I mean, I think they have an app, but you can actually talk to people.
You can just do it from your phone.
Mm-hmm.
But a conversation.
Neat.
You're all baged out today.
Khaki'd out.
I am.
Neutral.
I just bought this on this trip.
I thought it was going to be a lot cooler today, but when I get home, it's supposed to freeze tonight.
Oh.
I love your outfit, Kim.
I didn't say I didn't like her outfit.
I said she's all baged out.
No, I'm just saying I'm adding to it.
You've got to put all your plants inside, okay?
Remember to put your plants inside.
I think that's more khaki.
Well, they're just all on the ground, so I think I'm just toast.
Is it cashmere?
I didn't put any in the pot.
Well, actually, I do have some in the pots.
No, it's not.
I don't know.
Where's it from?
Saks.
Ooh.
Mm-hmm.
I want those shoes so bad.
I love these shoes.
Good shoes.
They are so cute.
Were you born and raised in Oklahoma?
Yes, I was.
A lifer?
A lifer.
Mm-hmm.
Any run-ins with tornadoes?
Yeah.
I mean, I haven't been. I didn't lose anything to a tornado, but I have watched tornadoes go by.
That's my biggest fear.
Uh-huh.
They're unpredictable.
Yeah, they're scary.
But you have a lot of warning for a tornado, which is good.
Okay.
But my cellar is in the ground, and I don't like that at all.
Wait, you have a cellar?
Yeah, in the garage.
Oh, my gosh.
But I don't like it being in the ground.
It's gross as hell.
Have you ever had to do that?
Well, I always do it. Like, I used to makelex and michael go down there and as practice no i always keep if joe wasn't there i'd be paranoid a little too soon and he'd like
you know come in and raise the garage and go what are y'all doing in there i'm like well we thought
there was a tornado but we never had a garage yeah i thought that was like a chicago area kind
of thing wait i had a garage i had a car in don't you're close to london i have a garage. I had a car in.
We were close, Jalen.
I have a garage.
In Minnesota?
Yeah, we've garage.
No, but not ones that you can fit a car in.
The guys could just hang out in it. I have an attached garage.
Where are you from?
Wait, it didn't have a fridge.
Yeah, but...
Wait, it had a fridge?
Yeah.
So you could hypothetically drink.
Did any of them have carriages?
Yours were kind of inside.
Like technically indoors.
Wait, was it connected?
I could be in and out at the same time. Yeah. Could you leave the door open? Yeah. I can walk... Did any of them have carriages? Were they kind of inside? Like technically indoors? Wait, was it connected?
Could you be in and out at the same time?
Yeah.
Could you leave the door open?
Yeah.
I can walk.
Wait, what is happening?
Garages I thought were a Chicago thing.
Garages are actually Chicago.
The greater Chicago.
The greater Chicago.
Illinois.
So, am I attached to the house?
My garage is attached.
Attached to the house.
Yeah.
So, you could get to the garage from your house.
Yes.
Okay, wait, wait, wait. If I open the garage. That's just a part to the house. Yeah. My parents have a garage in Florida too. You can get to the garage from your house. Yes. Okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's just a part of the house.
What is happening?
You guys were anomalies.
No, my parents live in Florida and they have a garage there too.
That's attached to the house.
Oh, I'm sorry.
If I open the garage, like I have the button on the car that opens the garage door and
then I put my car in the garage.
If I go, like we call it the garage door.
If I get through the garage, if I open the garage. The what? Wait, you open your garage door. And then I put my car in the garage. If I go. Like we call it the garage door. If I get through the garage.
If I open the garage.
The what?
Wait.
You open your garage door.
Wait.
Wait.
Why did you use.
Okay.
There's a door.
That connects my living room.
And the garage.
So if I open this door.
It.
From the garage.
I walk into my living room.
That's not a garage.
But is there room for you to stand in the garage?
Even when the car is there?
Yes.
Yeah.
There's like storage.
Is there electricity going into it?
Yes.
So you could like hang out like,
hang out in a garage?
There's a light.
And then we have,
we have the like,
classic Midwest,
like a white fridge
that holds all the beer.
Same.
Yeah.
Nothing but beer?
What?
Nothing but beer?
Beer,
I mean,
alcohol,
and then like,
if my mom,
like during the,
like if I go home,
when I go home,
You're from Chicago?
No,
I'm from Cleveland.
Your folks are from Aurora,
right?
Illinois?
No.
No? What the hell? No, I'm from Cleveland, Katie. Yeah, but where from Aurora, right? Illinois? No.
What the hell?
No, I'm from Cleveland, KB.
Where are your parents from?
Illinois?
Cleveland.
They got Lake Michigan roots.
No, we have only Lake Erie roots.
Garages are everywhere.
Uncommon misconception.
KB, you lived in Ohio.
You're thinking of car roofs.
I know.
It doesn't have four walls.
It's a car roof. Or it's not attached to the house. No. Sometimes doesn't have four walls. It's a car roof.
Or it's not attached to the house.
Sometimes they'll have four posts and they'll have a roof.
Those exist.
I'm good.
Do you need to go?
I am going to catch a flight.
You need to go.
Probably.
Probably should go.
Thanks for hopping on.
It's at five.
But I have to go get my luggage at Alex's.
Plug the socials first.
Yeah, plug the socials.
What are your usernames for all of your socials? We got this. Please. Plug the socials first. Yeah, plug the socials. Say your account.
What are your usernames for all of your socials?
We got this.
Okay.
Okay, so you mean
like content Kim?
Yes.
Okay, so we have
content Kim on
Instagram, Twitter,
TikTok, Facebook.
Facebook.
We're big on Facebook now.
Yes.
All with a K.
Content with a K, Kim.
Yeah, and then
because I said so. And because I said so. But it's so far Content with a K, Kim. And then Cuz I Said So.
And Cuz I Said So.
So far away.
Two Ks is close.
Not three, though.
That's right.
Well, it was.
It was for a minute,
but that's it.
You could do four.
Hit that follow.
And then Cuz I Said So.
Cuz I Said So at Cuz I Said So
on Instagram and Twitter
and Cuz I Said So
with three O's on TikTok.
Now, I noticed
you said Alex's mom.
How come she's not
Kim's daughter?
Oh, is that in her bio?
Well, because actually she logs onto my thing
and writes this stuff for me.
Oh, so if I'm following you,
I'm actually seeing what she's writing for you?
No, only on my front page there.
Like, she changed it to content Kim.
Okay.
She has all my logins, so sometimes that...
So she works for you?
No, actually I work for her.
Yeah, can you tell? I work for her Can you tell?
I work for Kim
And then there's the cause I said so
In all the same places
I got the notification for it
There we go
So did you stack two car roofs
On top of each other?
No
I'm going to show you a picture.
Yeah, I'm going to...
I would show you...
I'm not going to tell you...
Bye, guys.
Have a great day.
Bye, Kim.
There's a disconnect.
I'm not from Chicago.
You have to...
Whoever built your house
was probably from Chicago.
No, it's...
Kim, have a safe flight.
Do other houses...
You're the only house
in the neighborhood.
No, every house
in my neighborhood
has a garage.
There's like 200 houses
in my neighborhood.
Everyone has a garage.
I've seen like three
garages in my life and it was in Chicago. No, no, no. My house was built in like 1960, so garage. There's like 200 houses in my neighborhood. Everyone has a garage. I've seen like three garages in my life and it was
in Chicago. No, no, no. My house was built
in like 1960 so it's not even like it's a brand
new thing.
They were messing with you. You want your question for Kyle?
Wait.
Everybody has garages.
Oh my god.
I should have known. I don't know if I
can't handle this.
I can't handle. You need to start drinking again?
Oh, we're pushing you to start drinking.
I cannot handle how good at lying you guys are.
It frustrates me.
They're really good.
It pisses me off.
You fell for the classic garage.
But even Owen was going with it.
Fresh meat.
I know, you're a good liar too.
I should have known when you said you just put two carports on top of each other.
You guys are so good at lying.
Well, that'd be silly
because you wouldn't even be able
to Chris Carpenter.
I was about to pull up my house
to show you guys.
Yeah, no, I was about to
expose my house for you guys.
Same.
You guys each get a question
for Nick and then we'll go.
Oh, God.
I was preemptively
answering the question.
You just have to figure out
what the question is.
How about everyone go around
Have you ever killed a man? Oh. circle? Have you ever killed a man?
Oh.
What?
Have you ever killed a man?
Madeline.
And he said no.
That's not a good question.
I thought it was a good question.
Thank you, Owen.
You think he's going to admit that?
Well, he said live.
Brandon said he preemptively answered it, so I just figured if I said.
How about we go around the circle and say if we're single, taken, or married?
Madeline, you go first.
Oh, boy.
What are y'all doing?
I'm single.
Madeline's newly single.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, so this was a ploy.
I didn't ask for this.
This was a ploy.
I didn't ask for this.
Madeline, say your Twitter handle and your Instagram.
You are the happiest I've ever seen you.
Yeah, because she's single.
She's ready to mingle.
My Instagram is at Madeline Conroy.
My Twitter is madConroy9.
There we go.
Hell yeah.
All right.
That was the Yak.
Yep.
Thanks Mugsy Jeans.
Thanks Jordan.
Thanks Mad.
Congrats.
I guess.
Thanks.
Thank you to Content Kim
and Brandon Walker.
Thanks for speaking by.
We'll be back Monday.
Thanks guys.
It's the Yak. Thanks, chat.