The Yak - The Inaugural Tank Race Turns Into an Instant Classic | The Yak 1-13-23
Episode Date: January 13, 2023Don't soil my bro, broYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Just balls going everywhere.
Tank race day.
Oh, you faded that.
Nice, TJ.
Fuck.
I don't know what's going on.
We're just playing with balls.
All right, everybody down.
Everyone down, boy.
Down. Down for a second.
Down, boy.
Down for a second.
Down, boy.
Live.
Yak tank race.
The vibes are high.
The anxiety is high from some.
I've already heard rumors of Taylor and Roan trying to rig the race.
How?
That's what I heard.
By adding more booze?
Roan, you don't even know how to rig a race, but you can't say no.
I heard that.
Taylor, sit over there.
I said I wanted to get more booze.
Sass is late.
Taylor is here.
Breaking news, Will Compton is not here.
Who's that fucking pussy, Will Compton?
He injured his vagina.
Oh shit, first time these guys have met.
These guys have met.
Here comes Nicky.
Yeah, Will is so injured that he could do a video sitting upright from his car.
Yeah.
And coughing and not wincing.
Just yesterday.
No, that was this morning.
Oh, was it?
Because I gave... Will texted me and was like was like hey i think i'm in trouble like my back is fucked up and i said to
him i was like look i've had back problems if it's what i've had you can't get on a plane and then i
see him making videos sitting upright in a car if you're if you have an injury like i've had yeah you can't prone ron you've had it too
you can't sit in a car you can't sit in a car i won't i won't stand for any slander of that pussy
yeah exactly sorry i'm late i was gonna be there you're barely late okay we were just kicking
kicking the balls around really getting the heart rate up.
Kicked the balls?
It is my one-year anniversary.
Oh, shit.
On this day, Friday the 13th? Yeah.
Oh, no.
I did think about Friday the 13th and the ceiling coming down.
I did think about that this morning.
Just want to say that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Steve and Che, we—
That's not even bad luck.
That's just expected.
Yeah, that's just stupid.
Sorry, Ron.
That's not our part.
No, you're good.
Steve and Che just has been on one today.
He already has been ripping.
He just had a couple spicy takes.
What did I miss?
Well, I was talking to Jeff D. Lowe this morning,
and we were talking about our best weekend update anchors,
and he mentioned Norm MacDonald and said RIP,
and Stephen Che across the room went, Norm MacDonald died?
No.
15 months late.
You're just something else.
But I discovered, we looked at when he died,
Norm MacDonald died in September, September 27th,
full-on football season.
Yeah.
No chance Stephen Che's catching that news.
I think there's a lot of people that are dead that Che,
do you know Gilbert Godfrey's dead?
I didn't.
Oh.
Wait, this is fun.
I wonder how much you don't know.
I'm sad.
Come on. I remember he died.
David Bowie. He died like a surprise.
Yeah. David Bowie.
Yes.
Andrew Zimmern from Weird Foods.
No, I didn't know he died.
Anthony Bourdain.
He's not dead.
Anthony Bourdain.
By his own hand.
What are your thoughts on Robin Williams?
Yeah.
Robin Williams is whatever.
Like, I don't know.
What?
Robin Williams is whatever.
Put that on a whole card.
I just sat down.
He's okay.
You ripped that one.
What else did you say?
What's the biggest death he doesn't know about?
Betty White.
Betty White. He's got to know Betty White doesn't know about? Betty White. Betty White.
He's got to know Betty White.
Yes, I remember Betty White.
Queen.
Okay.
The queen died.
The queen.
The queen died.
Yeah.
Freddie Mercury also dead.
Also dead.
Yep, yep, yep.
Norm MacDonald just, yeah.
Slipped.
Completely off my list.
I mean, that's week four of the NFL season.
There's no reason.
I probably realized it at the time and then just... What was the
Bucs record at that time, though?
September 29th,
2001. Dick Vermeule?
Did you not know he passed?
Yeah.
I don't want to be that guy, but I didn't know Dick Vermeule died.
No, he's 100% alive.
I'm just testing how
far we can go with this.
Taylor's here.
Taylor.
Hey, guys.
What a twist of fate that Taylor was the one who originally was being the big puss.
Yeah.
They threw some mud on his name.
That's tough to hear early.
Yeah.
But he came through.
Yeah, he came through.
Will, I mean, what a disappointment.
You are now the number one boy.
Wow.
In the power rankings, it's you one, Will two.
Not a big list.
Not a big list.
It was Will one, you two for a while, but now it's completely changed.
It's definitely, I saw Will in his worst state yesterday trying to get out of the chair doing a podcast.
He was hurting real bad.
Oh, so he was able to get out of the chair.
He was out of the chair.
I literally had to go to the Titans facility to meet with the head trainer just to get him tored all.
Oh. Had to get it from him from then he forgets at the facility i put my kids down and i literally
drove back to the bus drove to his house he's he's uh i did everything i could to make sure he was
here today but i don't want this to be uh an indictment on will's character okay the tanks
have arrived wait tortle is the stuff where you can get an injection of it and then you don't feel
any pain oh well it's not that no pain.
It's like you just feel young again.
Yeah, your joints feel better.
It's horrible for your organs.
Look at this.
The color is good.
That hue is not great.
Oh, yeah.
Sit right there.
They told me to sit here, but I'm sorry.
Oh, yeah, wait.
That's Kate's chair.
All right, Steven, wait.
Yeah, wait until we start, and then you'll come in.
How are we doing? What are you doing? Taylor, you don Kate's chair. All right, Steven, wait. Yeah, wait until we start, and then you'll come in. How are we doing?
What are you doing?
You don't have to do it.
You can get out.
Cass, do you want your seat?
You want your seat?
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'll do it.
Okay.
The fish tank is the East River.
But it looked way worse a second ago.
It was pure brown sludge.
This at least has a green hue to it, a little Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Wait, these lines should be a lot lower.
It looks worse if you take your sunglasses off.
How much worse?
Oh, way worse.
Wait, we got to make these lines lower.
You got to drink it past the line completely.
Yeah, I think it should still be lower.
Wait, oh yeah, that's just ice.
Yeah, we got to make it lower.
You're not drinking ice.
Our team's emptying the tank.
Yeah, so for the people at home, I know yesterday's show,
we deliberated how we were going to do this.
We came up with a solution afterwards.
It's going to be the first ever tank race,
reverse money in the bank combined race ever.
Does that sound right?
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
So how it's going to work is we're going to start with two tanks,
teams of four. We're going to start drinking.
We're going to change where this line
is. It's going to go lower. When you get to
the line, your team has
to figure out how to
get the tank up on
the ceiling and then finish the
race with it up on the ceiling.
And are there tools?
There's tools. So the Yak viewers will get to live see us make the tools to put it hoisted on the ceiling.
So we figured it was the best combination of both.
So you have to finish your tank with it up on the ceiling.
And then the winner winning team, you know.
What are the teams now?
I just realized I took a shit before this and I might have to do fart eliminator.
The teams are me, Nick, Sass, and Brandon Walker.
Whoa.
Brandon's in.
Walker's in.
Brandon, lose a button, buddy.
Lose a button.
Brandon Walker is officially in.
You changed your identity in Arizona.
No, I've always had this identity.
No, I'm saying the low button.
What is the beverage makeup of each tank what do we
you want the donnie uh kate will explain it when she gets take it no i'll get it later don't worry
about it right now brandon and will have a cold war of beef going on between the two of them
where at first what was it brandon would pretend that he didn't know you he'd reintroduce himself
every single time oh this is you hit him back with a.
Three separate occasions he's big-timed me.
I have never big-timed you.
I didn't know you were in the room when I ignored you.
I wasn't trying to ignore you.
I didn't know you were there.
Yeah, Brandon, usually when people get loud, they know they're wrong.
I'm just going to stay calm with you for a second.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Taylor.
I have never done that to you.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
The first time Brandon Walker big-timed me was in this
room. And I
walked around. I saw everybody. I said, hello
to everyone. I got to you, and you said, Brandon, nice
to meet you. And I thought to myself, we've met before.
We haven't. Which is okay. We haven't.
Yes, we have. There's a storyline behind
this race today. I've actually
been here like five times now. I've been here a lot.
Taylor said the only person he wants to beat
in this entire office is Brandon,
and now Brandon's on our team.
Yeah, that was –
We are best friends, but here it is.
Okay.
Here it is.
It's just a friendly conversation between best friends.
That's fine.
I like it.
I like you having a little bit of why.
That's your why right now.
That is my why.
You need to have a little why.
And I'm also upset because I, for some reason,
feel like you made this happen to Will to be able to sit with us today and drink.
I didn't want to drink. I don't believe that. I did not want – to be able to sit with us today and drink. I didn't want to drink.
I don't believe that.
I did not want.
No, I'm just doing it for the drink.
He didn't want to drink.
I usually don't drink.
I usually sit these things out.
And now Kyle's doing his sober thing, so now I can't sit out.
All right, show some respect to the sober thing.
Day 70.
Day 70.
Day 70.
Congratulations.
When do you get a chip?
I'm not doing all that.
Okay, we're just.
Just in case I go back.
Yeah.
Or you don't want to lose the chips.
Or not.
The shame of turning in your chips.
Do you have to turn in the chip?
Fuck that, yeah.
Do you have to give it back to them?
Our star just walked in.
Kate.
Kate.
Kate is here.
No, we're fine.
We're fine.
It's all going to work out fine.
We figured out how to do this so that...
So the money in the bank angle part is because we had someone come in here.
Jason came in here.
He's worked with drop ceilings.
He's like, yeah, the ceiling is going to for sure collapse.
It'll be an ironic name for the ceiling.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So this is the best of both worlds.
We get it up on the ceiling, but also everyone gets to watch us fumble around with tools while we're drunk.
Yes.
It really actually is going to be more calamitous this way.
Is the rope in here?
What's that?
Did you watch the tutorial?
No, I didn't.
You're worried about what?
Listen.
Nothing.
My team and I got together, and we have a good, solid,
foundational game plan.
A strategy?
A strategy?
No, we were watching tutorials.
Teams go to practice?
That's cheating.
We were watching tutorials all morning.
I have the gist of it, though.
I have the gist of what I would like.
We're on a Zoom call.
We haven't watched tutorials.
We have a team group chat that you're not in, actually.
But it was motivational until Will was posted.
And we just roasted him.
I fell asleep to you roasting him and woke up to like 86 text messages.
All from you.
We're just going off.
Any group chat info that I need?
No. I can see if there's anything
important here.
Steven, can you come in here? We gotta make these lines lower.
We need scissors too.
Steven should be in here. It needs to be like right at the
bottom so that
when we hoist it
this is going to be either the coolest thing we've ever done.
Hey, can you tell me what's in each of these?
The biggest disaster in the history of the show.
There's blue Curacao, Midori, which is like...
So a whole bottle of blue Curacao?
Goodly amount, yeah.
Goodly amount.
Goodly amount.
Goodly amount.
Are you saying like the whole thing, three quarters, half?
About half.
Then there's Midori, which is like the bright green.
How much of that?
It's looking like it's got to be a lot of Midori.
It's a small bottle, though.
What is Midori?
It's a liqueur.
It's melon liqueur.
These are probably lower percentage.
Right, right.
A lot of these are lower percentage.
Then there's two bottles of champagne in each one.
Okay.
Then there's...
Two whole bottles, okay.
Some vodka in each one.
How much vodka would you say?
I would say about...
A smidge or like a pinch, a taste?
A little over a cup each.
No, I think it should be low.
So not a ton.
That low?
Yeah.
And then rum.
It's going to take us two hours to get there.
It should be when we're all drunk, you have to then use power tools.
Yeah, exactly.
Do you hear him?
That's the whole point is you get drunk and then you use the power tools.
And then pineapple juice.
And then Revitalite.
No free ads.
And then, because I couldn't find Blue Hawaiian Punch.
I figured this was healthier.
We should all have to.
There's going to be a lot of sugar in this.
Oh, there's also Skittles and nerds at the bottom
and Swedish fish floating around.
So, Big Cat, what made you think
this is a better idea than a case race?
Well, we have a case race scheduled for later on this month,
for birthday month.
This was Kate's, so... You know know what let's just spin our real wheel right
now because we might as well uh we all have wheels off of the main wheel and then you have certain
challenges on it that you can put on it kate had fishbowl friday so that's what the impetus was for
this and then it became well why not just make it a tank race who's ever done a tank race right
i've never no one's ever done i've never heard of that. People have done case races.
This is the first ever
reverse money in the bank.
Everyone who's done it has died.
Tank race, yeah.
Maybe.
Kate, have you
aced it?
Yes, I just tried
a little bit of it out there.
It is,
I'll say this,
it is painfully sweet.
I put so much shelter in it
and it just didn't even matter.
Why are you wearing glasses
of a blind woman?
I get uveitis all the time.
You do.
You seriously look blind.
You look blind.
They have little sun shades on the sides as well to keep you fully.
I grabbed the wrong glasses when I was running out the door this morning.
And real quick, Kate, those figures you were giving me, is that per tank or total?
So I have a note card with the exact everything you're looking for.
I just can't find it.
Two bottles of champagne per tank.
Per tank.
Yes.
So four total?
Here, hold on.
Yes, four total.
And a cup per each tank.
Are we on a 10-second delay?
No, don't say it.
Don't test it.
Because I got cut off in traffic this morning.
No, no, no, no, Nick.
Keep it together. test it because i got cut off in traffic this morning and no no no no nick we're live we're live so what i figured out it's 21.75 ounces of alcohol for each of us but but but it's alcohols that aren't the regular avb 21 per each four person? We're going to get fucked up. No, no, no.
Per team or person?
Per person, but.
21 ounces?
But it's not the full ABV alcohols.
I know the ABV.
Also, KB, why are you so interested in something you're not drinking?
Because I want to make a prediction of how well you will do and how fucked up you will be.
Fair.
Do we have trash cans?
There's just one trash can.
One trash can.
Because I do throw up very easily.
Yeah, if you puke, you're out.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
Bet.
Can't have that.
Your individual person is out.
I can never do that to my team.
And it's on the team to cut their stuff.
Oh, dude, if you got to do it, just do it.
I'll pull Trigg with you, bro.
Just leave the rest of our crew out?
No, I think that we all pull Trigg together. If one of us
starts going, I think that we all just huddle up
and fucking... Like Rudy.
Leave our puke on his
desk. Just going
to throw up one after another.
This is going to be so fucking ridiculous.
I'm excited.
It would be prettier color, but I think the nerves in the skittles
paint. You know, it's not a pretty color whatsoever. I think it would be prettier color but I think the nerves and the skittles paint you know it's not
it's not a pretty color
whatsoever
I like it
Steven yes
yeah exactly
our team's sticking together
so my prediction is
this will not be easy
nope
you guys will get
very fucked up
I think it's gonna equal out
to about 8 to 10 beers
if you want to talk
okay
so that's like the same
as the case race
yeah
but with a ton of sugar But with a ton of sugar.
With a ton of sugar
and a different kind of drunk.
A dirty drunk.
A muddy drunk.
A muddy drunk, okay.
Are you cool with this, Brandon?
Are you ready?
I'm not really excited.
You have a chance
to have someone else
step in for you.
We have someone
waiting in the wings,
but you can't know
who they are.
If we have some...
Okay. No, it's fine. I'm they are. If we have some... Okay.
No, it's fine.
I'm drinking for two.
You're pregnant?
Yes.
Do you really have somebody in the bullpen?
I mean, I just...
It's your sister.
I could have just been, Donnie, what's up?
And he'd be like, yeah, I'm in.
Donnie would love to do that.
Yeah.
He came up and was like, it's going to be easy.
It's like, Donnie, you're a tank.
I would very much like to not drink.
Oh, no, I was joking.
I was joking.
You're in.
You're in.
You don't have to drink a lot.
He's on our team.
You're trying to do.
No, no, you're in, Brandon.
Yeah, but I'm down for whatever.
But if you've got to spin for it.
You can throw Donnie in here.
Spin for it?
I'd rather not drink.
Wait, you want to spin for it?
No, I'd rather not drink.
Why don't we all get surrogates and no one on the show does it? Yeah, why don't we all just do that? I don't want to spin for it? I'd rather not drink. Right, you want to spin for it. No, I'd rather not drink. Why don't we all get surrogates
and no one on the show does it?
Yeah, why don't we all
just do that?
I don't want to do it.
Yeah, see?
Well, Brandon was originally
not part of this
because Will's a pussy.
Compton's a pussy.
Nobody wants to do this for real.
Yeah.
No one here.
Kate definitely wants to do this.
I would love to.
We're going to have a blast.
This is going to be a blast.
You guys are giving it
like a Babadook vibe
and it's supposed to have
A Bertie Higgins
I don't know
Who are those people
Can we play some
Bertie Higgins
Just so I can get
The vibe right
I had lunch with him
In Tarpon Springs
Yeah you did
Apparently he's a bad guy
Not the vibe
Oh yeah
Based on the vibe
I experience
You don't wanna have that vibe
Yeah
I just wanted like
Yacht Rock afternoon No more fun We're at work Shine From my experience, you don't want to have that fun. Yeah. I just want to, like, yacht rock afternoon.
No more fun.
We're at work.
Very important business.
Bites into it.
Trying to be a professional.
I think our team is going to have all-time high vibes.
I don't see a negative person among our group.
I feel good.
This will be fun. How often do you get liquor drunk?
I mean, in the past, quite a bit.
I think I've had a couple run-ins.
But as of recent,
not very many. This is definitely something that's
going to be new-ish to me.
I haven't been drinking like this since college with all the sugar.
Yeah. KB, can you
help us? This is going to be my second time ever getting drunk off
just straight liquor.
I think it's way better.
I like it way more than drinking beer.
One other side note.
So it's on the teams to decide their straw length,
but keep in mind you can't change the straw length between now and when it's hanging.
Oh.
So keep the straw length.
Is there enough straw?
There's about 80 feet of straw.
It doesn't look like a lot, but there's a lot.
80 feet.
We're going to be blackout by the time we have to hang it.
Yeah, no, that's going to be the best part.
Maybe we might need your assistance.
Hey, KB, you've got to keep us on track today.
You've got to be the director, the maestro.
You'll be the supervisor when we actually have to take out the power tools.
Yeah, I'm going to let you do what you do.
Okay, cool.
This is a good vibe.
Yeah, this is Bertie Higgins.
Yacht Rock.
This is giving a lot of Bertie Higgins vibes. This is giving a lot of
Birdie Higgins vibes
This is giving a lot of
Oh no
Alright so
Spin regular wheel
Yeah you wanna do
Let's do the ad
Let's get the ad out of the way
We'll spin the regular wheel
And then we'll get going
We'll get drinking
I have to drive home after this
I have to help my mom move after this.
Into a nursing home.
Dude, I'm driving to my first flight lesson.
So when you get under the line, you hoist your tank.
And then you finish it.
Yeah.
Hoist it.
Under the top of the line.
No, under the bottom of the line.
Oh my god. How do we drink it? Oh, we have top of the line. No, under the bottom of the line. Oh, my God.
How do we drink it?
Oh, we have to use the tube.
85% of it, and then we're going to hang the line.
We're going to hoist it.
I feel like the line's a little low now.
No, no, no.
It's good.
It's good.
It's perfect.
I have a feeling one of these will not be getting hoisted.
Oh, we'll see.
What happens if it spills?
We won't even get it to. If it spills, you're out. What happens if it spills? Like, we won't even get it to...
If it spills, you're out.
Your team loses.
Spills?
Yeah.
Okay, if, let's say...
Part of the hoisting.
Our team wins.
Yeah.
And you guys have half of a jug left.
You have to finish that jug.
No, we have to...
It's fart eliminator for the losing team.
Oh, my God.
We can't leave.
I don't know why you're confused, Taylor.
What are you talking about?
So all you have to do is fart.
To leave.
To end the show.
It's harder than you think.
It's not harder than drinking this.
First Fart Eliminator was like four hours long.
That's just because I'm backed up.
Listen, we're not.
Everyone's going to give it their best.
No team is going to quit.
Shout out to Balls Beachwear.
I'm dripping in some Balls Beachwear.
I know Kade is.
I know KB is.
I thought that was just one long shirt.
This is Kenny Flowers.
Sorry.
Oops.
Mine's Roosevelt.
I guess fuck you, Glennie.
What are we rocking, Brandon?
Roosevelt.
We're rocking Roosevelt.
Brandon.
Is that Brandon's shirt?
You look great, Taylor.
I think there's something about Hawaiian shirts and tattoos.
Thanks, man.
It's just a great look.
Thank you.
And the skirt, the shades.
The skirt was for Will.
He's best dressed.
Do you feel let down?
I'd be lying if I said no.
Right.
So yes.
Yes.
He came in. He said the vibes were low in the office.
The vibes were a little low when I walked in.
It is Friday.
I've never been in here on a Friday.
It's empty.
It's empty.
So I was expecting a little bit of commotion, some clamoring going on.
Oh, this is it.
A little betting on this.
This is it.
But this is, no, I'm, trust me, 20 minutes into this, everything's going to be just fine.
Yeah, right.
I woke up at 5 a.m.
It's going to be like five minutes in. Got on this flight. And then up at 5 a.m. I got on this flight and then drove here.
Do you have a flight back tonight?
No.
Oh, I was going to say we might have an Odell situation.
Should I wear the coconut bra?
The hotel is booked.
Should you wear what?
Should I wear the coconut bra?
Do whatever you want.
Yes, Brandon.
That was a silly question.
Of course we want to see that.
Do you want to bang out that Pizza Hut ad there, Rone?
Yes. Well, why don't we do the Pizza Hut ad? I thought I was the pizza guy. Everyone knows we want to see that. You want to bang out that Pizza Hut ad there, Roan? Yes.
Well, why would Roan do the Pizza Hut ad?
I thought I was the pizza guy.
No, he's the pizza guy.
Everyone knows Roan.
I like it more.
I like it more than you, Brandon.
I like Pizza Hut more than you.
People have been saying that.
I'm probably going to hit that one in Mississippi before you do.
I've already hit it.
I've already hit it twice.
Not since it's been open.
You hit it before it was open.
I can get there, though.
No, I can get there, and I'm going to get there because they got the Pizza Hut melts there.
And it's the newest thing at Pizza Hut, and it's not even a freaking pizza at all.
Introducing the Pizza Hut melt made just for you and no one else.
Pizza Hut took their thin and crispy crust, loaded it with your favorite toppings and cheese,
folded it over, and baked it to melty perfection.
Then they serve it up with your favorite dipping sauce for just $6.99.
So good, you won't want to share.
Melts are the solo meal that comes in four mouth-watering recipes, satisfying your cravings
whenever or wherever you feel like. And I believe the recipes are buffalo, chicken,
meat lovers, pepperoni, and veggie, something along those lines. I love them all. Thanks to
Pizza Hut Melts, you'll never have to compromise ever again. After all, you can't spell melts without the me.
Enough for two.
Price for one.
Try new Pizza Hut Melts now for just $6.99.
Great ad read.
I love Pizza Hut as well.
Yes, Tess.
What should be the urination policy be?
It's yourself.
Everyone pisses yourself.
Free peeing?
I'm done with free peeing.
Free peeing.
Yeah, I think.
If we're going vibes, it shouldn't be a punishment.
Yeah, no stress.
I think if you have to pee, TJ pulls up a random riddle you have to solve.
Oh, I like that.
I like that.
That's great.
That's a great addition.
TJ, can we do a sing-along Yacht Rock to get the vibes back up?
What's the all-time Yacht Rock-est Yacht Rock song?
Like a rhinestone cowboy.
That's not yacht rock.
Oh, like Margaritaville
type thing.
Randy?
Oh, Brandy.
Yeah.
I hope he is a gentleman.
A little less than 16 candles
by Fall Out Boys.
Maybe you will find out
when I know
you were the last good thing
about this side of town.
Grant Deft Auto was...
Grant Deft Auto?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Grant Deft Auto was. Grant Deft Auto. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Grant Deft Auto.
He got the man.
Taylor was prepared to sing that.
Dude, Fall Out Boy, they rip.
I'm a big Fall Out Boy guy.
Boy, tonight, where is your.
That was a banger.
Where'd you pull that from?
Yeah, this is Jim Class Heroes did a mashup with that song.
Travi?
Yeah, the whole team.
He dated Katy Perry.
That's a sport.
He dated Elmo.
On a western bay in the surf.
A hundred ships a day.
Lonely sailors.
Pass the time away.
And talk about their homes.
There's a girl.
What's her name?
In this hardwood town. That works. Lay's a girl. What's her name? In this hard work
laying
whiskey down.
They say, Brandy,
fetch another round.
She serves them whiskey and
wine. The sailors say,
Brandy, you're a
fine girl.
Good wife you would
be. Brand Brandon for it.
Your eyes in the sailor from the sea.
And it wears a braided chain made of silver from the north of Spain.
Lock it.
Make a solo.
It bears the name of a man
that Brandy loved.
I don't know the song.
I know the chorus.
On a summer's day
bringing gifts
from far away.
But he made it clear
he couldn't stay.
No harbor was his home.
The sailor said,
Brandy,
you're a fine girl.
What a good wife you would be.
My life, my love, my lady is the sea.
I wonder what this sounds like to people.
I wonder what it sounds like To people Oh Taylor Cat screaming I wonder what it sounds like
At home dude
Brandon's just fucking
Crushing Chick-fil-A
He's trying to lay a base
He's gonna choke
It's a Jimmy Buffet song
That's the one
He's choking
Is he choking right now?
Where's he going?
He's choking
Oh my god
He's choking
How about he's just
Walking away
With a hunch dude
Oh he's still got the? With a hunch, dude.
Oh, he's still got the bitch.
Where's he going?
Can we just not do this, guys?
That would make the vibes really high. This feels forced.
Guys, let's go out.
Let's go have fun.
That's the show.
Oh, my God.
That would make everyone so mad.
I would kill myself.
I should not have drank this morning.
You just had one Guinness.
Okay.
Space Coke.
Yeah.
I got hammered this morning.
Eat the belly.
You hear before and after?
I got hammered this morning.
All right, we'll probably do karaoke later.
Yeah, definitely.
All right, so let's spin the wheel,
then let's just get in our seats,
and let's get it fucking going.
Let's go.
Yeah?
How are we sitting?
Where's everyone sitting?
I think you guys go over there.
Kyle's going to go to where Steven is.
Nick and Sass, why don't you come over here?
I'll push my chair closer.
Yeah, yeah.
So we'll go four and four.
Perfect.
Wait, so three guys from your team are going to move?
Yeah.
Three guys, and then...
That actually does make sense. That actually does make sense.
That actually does make sense.
Makes perfect sense.
You got a custom logo?
Good work, boys.
Whoa.
That is sick.
I want to keep that forever.
Oh, yeah.
All right, this could...
Now, let me just say this.
This could definitely derail all the plans.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's probably going to be dry.
This wheel wants us to fucking get to drank him, and I'm thirsty. Imagine if we had death to the plans. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. That's probably going to be dry. This wheel wants us to fucking get to
drink him.
And I'm thirsty.
Imagine if we had
death to the act.
That's exactly what
we need, Roan.
That's the attitude
we need.
I'm thirsty right now.
If it lands on
compliment minute,
I say it's at the
end of the show.
Yeah.
I thought we were
taking that off.
Oh, yeah.
Get it out of here.
Get that shit out of here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
All right. we're good.
All right, let's get to it.
Okay, so how do we...
You guys, so Sass and Nick get up.
Steven, come in.
Baby, you're going to go to Steven's spot.
Taylor, you sit where Brandon's sitting right now.
Yep.
Now, we might have to huddle in the chairs a little bit.
Yeah, where am I going?
You're going over here on this side. Almost like Horseshoe Lake. Yep. Now we might have to huddle in the chairs a little bit. Yeah. Where am I going?
You're going over here on this side.
Almost like Horseshoe Lake.
Nice little.
So we got to kind of push.
I think we got to push the chairs a little.
Yeah.
So we're scooching the chairs?
I think so.
I guess we don't.
I guess the hose, we got 80 feet of hose, right? I think the closer we are, it's going to help us not being right on top of it.
I agree.
80 feet of hose.
Almost like we're cold in the desert.
It's like the 72 virgins or how many virgins you get when you die.
Let's push in a little.
Sass, come in a little.
Come in a little.
We're all going to, but these are all possible.
That was incredible.
One hose, we'll just pass it around?
No, it's in a hookah lounge.
We're going to cut the hose length.
Thank you.
So let's test out where we're going to put this and let's put it close to.
Oh, I think they have to stay right there.
Oh, yeah.
I think so.
Why not?
I think the whole point is then people can see it.
That's going to be good for see it. Oh, okay.
All right.
Then where should it go?
Where do you want us to put it?
The heavy?
All right.
Sass, grab it.
Lift with your back.
Don't bend your knees.
At all.
Oh, no.
Sass.
I'm going to take a piss before we start. That, no. Watch the tutorial.
I'm going to take a piss before we start.
That's okay. Okay, so I get the idea.
We want to keep the...
We don't want to cut, so we want to...
We want the length of where it's going to be for when it's...
Yeah, we got to...
Let's experiment with length.
All right.
Like, if it's up here...
What a fine girl.
So you need way more up here. Give me a short hose.
I'm used to it.
Is that easier?
Yeah.
Maybe you have like slightly flat.
I think what we should do is strategize with short straws.
We can get that part faster.
I think we're going to have to keep sitting when we hang it.
We don't have to be sitting when we're saying it.
Yeah.
So we don't want, we can't be sucking through a 20-foot straw.
Stop listening.
Stop listening.
You're in the same fucking room, Ron.
You're in the same fucking room.
Don't look at me, Taylor LeJuan.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Is that a good host?
Look at the wingspan.
It's perfect.
Is that it?
Is that what we want?
Stephen Chay just said, what's your wingspan?
Oh, yeah.
So what's that?
Yeah.
And then we're in.
Where do we want to go?
Where did Dan go?
He went to go pee.
He went to squeeze out a pee.
Dan, we're going eight feet.
I say we go short, speed through this, we stand and pee.
Hey, I agree.
This is a competitive advantage.
So I say we go like four feet, half of that.
Yeah.
Once you cut, you're done.
Once you cut, you're done.
You can't re-cut.
About four feet.
Once you cut, you're done.
Once you cut, you're done. No,'t re-cut. About four feet. Once you cut, you're done. Once you cut, you're done.
No, I think it's once it hits the water.
You guys all agree?
Once you cut, you can only cut once.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's good.
That's what you want.
I like this.
I'd say that's probably.
I wonder what people think when they're watching this right now, where no one's talking to
the mic and it's just like.
It's cut there.
We're literally cutting hoses.
Do they have scissors? Why do they have all the scissors?
Hey, give us a pair of scissors.
You guys are bogarting the scissors.
You have two pairs. Come on. You only brought in
one pair of scissors?
We have two drills,
by the way.
We drill through the holes?
You can't do the construction until
you've gotten to below the line.
Jesus. That's a hell of a drill.
I will say right now, team, pull up.
We're here.
We got you.
I will say right now, okay, I need someone else to do the drilling,
but I will absolutely be the person who can get it up there.
I can do the drilling.
Okay.
I can get it up there 100%. I'll drill. I've done there. I can do the drilling. Okay. I can get it up there 100%.
I'll drill.
I've done it.
I'll do it again.
I'll drill.
I know exactly where the pressure points are in this ceiling.
Yeah.
You've built this office.
I did.
I built it.
My grandpapa actually built it with his two hands.
You guys want me to go grab my blade?
What are these guys doing talking to Mike?
Yeah, go grab your blade. And are these guys doing talking to Mike?
And also give us a fucking scissors on Fran's desk. You have two pairs of scissors.
She hasn't cut a goddamn thing yet.
We have two cut.
We have two cut.
I think that we should have three.
Let's see what the vibe is with that.
There we go.
First sip of this.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't drink out of it.
No.
No.
Erroneous.
You can't touch my hose.
I can touch your hose.
You can't touch my hose.
No, stop.
Stop.
You can't drink.
I'm not going to drink.
Where did Nicky go?
You're drinking.
He's drinking.
He's not going to get it in his mouth.
He's drinking in his mouth.
It's on his tongue.
It's touching his tongue.
It's touching his tongue.
That was a drop.
That's really tasty.
Okay, was that pretty easy?
I hit her and I took a scissor.
Was that pretty easy?
I probably should get a slightly.
Yeah.
Actually, let me get.
Brandon, you got to scoot a leg.
Try mine out. Try mine out and see if you want something shorter or longer
Try it out
We'll try from your seat
We're built for speed
I'm gonna go this way
Brandon, are these your glasses?
No
These are real nice
Everyone talk
Make sure you talk in the mic
They're still way over there
I know you guys gotta get closer
Get closer
Right here
To each other I think
How close may I be to each other?
You go Brandon
You go closer to Nick
I don't understand why we need to be closer
That's what I'm saying
Yes we're cutting
Sure Okay Actually, yeah, you should come this way. That's what I'm saying. I want it the same way. Yes, we're cutting.
Okay.
I don't think I want to.
That's a foot.
Sure.
Okay.
Sure.
Oh, wow.
We're the odds-on favorite.
One more.
How do you know what a foot is?
Wait.
Whoa.
That's so short.
That's so short.
That's not four feet.
Let's pretend we didn't cut it.
All right. So we're going to make our first cut right now.
We're about to cut.
If you want to watch us cut.
We're about to cut.
We're about to cut for the first time.
There?
Yeah. We're going to go longer.
We're going to go longer.
Boys, we're backtracking on the strat.
Yeah, well, I think we go short.
I want to be able to reach it.
A couple short and a couple long.
I just want to get to drinking.
I don't know what they're talking about.
They're trying to steal strategy.
We should just start saying stuff.
All they did was listen to us in the beginning.
That's all they did.
Shut the fuck up.
Is that not a strategy?
He's already talking big.
Lady Moron.
It's a big liquid courage guy.
Shut the fuck up.
You're going to want to comfortably be able to drink.
See, I think you're going to be leaning.
I forget when you texted me, Taylor, being like, isn't my tummy going to hurt?
Buddy, I'm not.
Don't putty me, pal.
All of our tummies.
Don't putty me, pal.
Wait, I have another pair of scissors.
I put on a pair of new balances.
All of a sudden, you think he has dad strength.
Don't putty me, pal.
I want long.
You want long?
You want the rest of this thing?
No.
You can feel the competition. You got a real short one. This is the vibe I was looking for. Yeah, yeah. I want long. You want long? You want the rest of this thing? No. You can feel the
competition.
This is the vibe I
was thinking.
Yeah, yeah, it's
here.
It's here.
It's going to
heat up.
You can know, but
we should get one
long one.
We should have
one long one.
He did put his
mouth in the tank
because you can
tell this is the
end of the
drink.
Sorry.
We have more
hoes.
We have more
hoes.
I don't know.
This is our
hoes.
This is our
hoes. That's all the hoes you guys have more hoes. I don't know. This is our hoes. This is our hoes.
That's all the hoes you guys have over there.
So what?
We picked the...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What's happening?
I don't know.
He's good.
He's good.
I don't know how to get...
Oh.
Oh, my God.
It's already almost 2 o'clock.
I inhaled through it.
It did not taste right.
I think we finished...
I think we finished...
All plastic.
Yeah.
3 o'clock?
Okay.
I think we can. And you were dumb for cutting yours so short. So do we have all of ours Yeah, three o'clock? Okay. I think we can.
And you were dumb
for cutting yours so short.
So do we have
all of ours cut now
or are they just
going to take forever?
This is non-toxic tubing.
There's a cut?
Brandon, you need yours
and Nick needs his.
It's really heads up
of you, by the way.
What?
Keeping our bodies safe.
Yeah, oh yeah,
non-toxic tubing.
Which I don't love.
I washed the,
yeah, that's what it says
on the packaging I got.
So team,
do we have any strategy?
Steven, have you thought about any, like, drinking pace that you're going for or methodology?
I drank a lot of water this morning.
You got this.
I drank a lot of water this morning, and then I did a bagel this morning to break my diet so I could have some bread.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is he doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
He's spilling it onto the grill.
He's out.
What is this? What is...
I don't know what to do. He's picking the top off?
No, we're trying to get it in.
Yeah, story of Big Cat's life.
Oh, my God. At least
twice, bitch. Same, dude.
My kids
would beat your kids up.
My thinking is to mentally pretend...
Promoting violence. Mentally pretending
that I have a night out and that I'm at some tropical drink bar and I'm just going to go nuts.
Should we salt this rim?
Yeah, we should salt the rim.
Let's get some tajin for the rim.
I have only had three bites of taco all day.
I have literally not eaten today.
The only thing on my stomach is black coffee.
That's the troublesome part, but that's fine.
All right, so consider where you'll be sitting. If you want to sit back
too.
I don't know. I don't care. I want you to be comfortable.
I don't want you to be in an awkward
position the entire time.
You've got to get a thumb over.
Whichever holes you want.
We still have to cut.
Say we start at 145.
I don't know what to do about this.
What do you mean?
Stretch it.
Stretch it.
What do you think we're doing right now?
Stretch it.
I'm glad we're not arguing that way.
No, we wouldn't.
That's our love language.
You guys know what happens when people argue?
They drink.
Yeah.
Our love language is Sass being anxious and us yelling at him.
I would like to take some off.
We're fine.
Can I? Fine, guys.
You just gotta get it really deep in there.
Change the hook so it's like
bending in. Yeah.
Oh, Christ, Brandon.
They're cutting it shorter?
No.
Smells good.
I'm in there. I'm in there. I think if you just plug the top of this.
Yeah, yeah, and then you're fine.
I feel really great about this.
Three minutes.
Hold on, we're good.
We're ready.
He said 145.
Are we getting an Anthony the Lit?
How about a Creed?
A Thumbs Wide Open.
You have one?
A little creed.
Let's play some creed.
With arms wide open.
Bend it the other way.
Yeah, it's pretty malleable.
I did that.
Just bend it reverse of the curve.
Welcome to this place.
Let's get close.
I'll show you everything.
All right, remember, you do have to talk.
There is a social.
That's why I feel like KB.
KB, we're going to need you.
We need you, bro.
What are you doing?
We need you, KB.
Am I on?
Yeah.
All right.
I would get it going.
They want you to start drinking.
I know. We got two minutes. They want you to start drinking.
We got two minutes.
They want you to do it now.
Well, relax.
Do you guys want a Speed Demon hype-up track?
Yeah, hype-up track would be awesome. TJ, do you want to pull that up?
Okay.
You got it.
They got rid of their lid.
You got it.
You got it.
What is this?
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
That's true.
Oh my god.
Who did this?
This is Waylon
Napadogan from New Brunswick, Canada.
Yeah. It's a bop. Dude, we did good. About that. Be demons, be demons. Yeah.
It's a bop.
Certified classy banger.
Be demons, be demons.
One minute, ten seconds.
Mars is dancing right now.
We got the fucking hot tub going.
You got it, y'all.
I feel good.
I feel great right now.
Friday.
Going into a long weekend for a lot of people.
Oh, yeah.
There's no yak on Monday.
Sorry.
I should have said that to everyone.
Be demon.
Be demon.
No, this is an insta-say.
This is going in my playlist.
Waylon, I need that SoundCloud link.
We got to play that every 15 minutes.
Yes.
The office is closed Monday.
If you complain about no yak on Monday, you're racist.
And then go ahead.
What?
No yak?
What in Tarnation?
I wasn't.
Okay, 30 seconds.
30 seconds.
30 seconds.
Hey, guys.
We got this.
All right, let's have a blast.
Let's pretend we're out at a Chi-Chi's on a Friday night.
Our team is sitting. Chi-Chi's on a Friday night. Our team is sitting.
Chi-Chi's have a bunch of E. coli.
Oh, you have to sit in your seat.
You have to sit in your seat.
No, he doesn't.
Sit where I want.
Chi-Chi's has good fried ice cream.
Dan, I think you have to sit in the seat, yeah?
Yeah, I think we have to sit in our seats.
I'm sitting in my seat.
Okay.
Okay, five seconds.
Four, three, two, one.
Cheers.
Let's go.
Cheers, one. Cheers. Let's go. Cheers, everybody.
It's going down so fast.
It's going down so fast.
What are you guys tasting?
How's it taste?
Oh, it's so much sugar.
It tastes green.
It tastes like a Mountain Dew flavor that's unreleased.
It tastes like something from the Mountain Dew factory.
In Japan, it's like a unique Japanese-only release.
I feel like I'm drinking all of my team's sass. I'm taking a sip.
You took a massive sip.
The booze isn't too bad, is it, right?
Well, we don't know yet. I wish there was more booze.
We'll know in about five minutes.
You really taste of champagne.
You really taste the champagne.
That is it.
You really taste it.
Very champagne forward.
Champagne and drugs.
I think we go just like a rowing team.
We just go big chugs.
I'll start, and then we'll go down the line.
We should do that.
I think that we're like a rowing team.
We should do big chugs.
No, no, no.
Two at a time.
Two at a time.
You guys team me.
Steven, me and you. We'll each do three chugs. Chug, chug, ch at a time. Two at a time. Team me. Steven, me and you.
Ready?
One, two, three.
Chug, chug, chug.
All right, one.
I'll go as long as I can go.
You go as long as you can.
Chug.
Okay.
Chug.
He's trying to top it.
And as soon as he taps, you go, Brandon.
Holy shit.
Big taps, really.
Holy shit.
There you go, Steven.
That mouth is doing work.
I think we messed up.
We all go together, then one person goes out first.
Brandon, why are you vibrating?
And you keep going, right?
I'll try together, and I'll stop, and you stop.
That's how his body breaks down the alcohol.
Hey, let's just keep going in circles, and you get a nice little break,
and then that way we're thunderstruck.
Yeah.
It's a Native American run.
No, you can stop whenever you want.
The visual of this is so funny.
What are they drinking?
Go, Sass!
Sass!
Go, Sass!
I'm afraid because I've been drinking, like, chugging.
It doesn't feel like it's going down.
You guys are sprinting the first lap.
He's right.
We're sprinting the first lap.
That was our game plan.
There's no way this can catch up to us.
My stomach hurts.
Dan really hasn't stopped.
Every time I look at Dan, he just keeps going.
We've got to slow down.
Let's slow it down here.
Let's speed it up.
We have definitely crushed at least one-fifth of ours.
I'd say almost a quarter.
A quarter?
Look at the start line.
Get right here.
I can just take the whole thing.
Go.
Hold on. Wait, hold on. One second. I've got to hurry. We're doing. Get right here. I can just fucking take the whole thing. Now go. Hold on.
Wait, wait, hold on.
One second.
I got to burp.
So we're doing waterfalls over here.
So drunk.
We all do it.
Ready?
One, two.
Stop, Sash.
We got to keep the vibes high.
Vibes are high.
Ready?
Don't worry about being drunk.
We're just going down good.
We all go, right?
We're about even, I'd say, right now.
Some of y'all's got to talk.
Y'all can't all drink at the same time.
This is going to be a disaster. We're good. We're good. We're good., I'd say, right now. Some of y'all's got to talk. Y'all can't all drink at the same time. This is going to be a disaster.
We're good.
We're good.
We're good.
Everyone stay the course.
I'm the joker, baby.
Oh, no.
No.
Oh, no.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
Boys, we got to.
Oh, man.
We're going to be done with this in 30 minutes.
Yeah.
It's good, isn't it?
I mean, it tastes like.
You should be drinking hard enough that you can see the thing going down.
So I got a lot of air bubbles.
That's how hard you should be drinking.
Every time I drink, I see it going down.
Brandon's just sucking up air.
I don't know what's going on.
He's doing nothing.
He's got a loop-de-loo there, Brandon.
What are you doing?
What happened?
Brandon, you're not drinking.
I don't know.
I got a bit to my cord.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
Cords are out.
All right, Nick, go.
Well, he's sober drinking.
Oh, he's not. Oh, my God. We're good. Let's take a. All right, Nick. Go. Oh, he's sober drinking. Oh, he's not.
Oh, my God.
We're good.
Let's take a breath, team.
We're good.
We're doing great.
The zoom-ins of it are just so gross.
Oh, man.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Is there, like, orange juice in it?
Should I order pizzas now?
I know.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
Pizza sounds so good.
Yeah.
I'll order, like, five pizzas.
It sounds so good.
Sound good for everyone? I'll order a bunch of pizzas. Hey, Len, Ron, put your thumb on it so you don't have to, like, suck the sounds so good. Yeah, I'll order, like, five pizzas. It sounds so good. Sound good for everyone?
I'll order a bunch of pizzas.
Hey, Len, Ron, put your thumb on it so you don't have to, like, suck the whole way up.
Yeah.
No, I'm trying to get the backwash for you.
Will everyone do a timeout if I order pizzas?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
All right, okay, fine.
No deal, no deal, no deal, no deal, no deal, no deal.
Go, Sass.
I'm getting so, like, I don't want to say gassy, but I'm getting a lot.
Like, I'm going to burp a ton.
You look like you've got to go harder.
Thank you.
If I get too drunk, please make sure Joey Kamasta stays away from me for a little bit.
Oh, yeah.
He said he wanted your dick autographed today.
Did you hear about that?
I could only imagine.
He has, like, an Inks pad, and he wants, like, the imprint of your penis.
Yeah.
And I will make that mistake.
Oh, God.
If I get too drunk.
That will be.
My stomach is full.
That will happen.
Jesus Christ, guys.
We're good.
Four minutes.
Hey, good work, Sofian team.
I just want you guys to do a phenomenal job.
I'm not trying to make you guys work harder, but...
Oh, you definitely are.
I need to know how Roan is cheating.
Roan's got...
Every time I pull, it's like...
It's leaking down.
You're taking full reps.
I only know one way.
I'm drunk.
I'm hammered.
I don't drink.
I actually don't drink anymore.
That's not true.
Look at the hose in your hand.
When I do.
The hose in his hand.
What, this?
Oh, shit.
How'd this get here?
Oh, my God.
I'm actually don't even drink.
Big chug, team.
Big chug.
Okay, ready?
We should do what they're doing That's smart
They also have
Let's take a break
You guys want to go all at the same time
I take every couple minutes
Big chug
Yeah I like that idea
Every now and then
Listen to me
The important thing too is To get it below that line Yeah, I like that idea. It's every now and then. Listen to me.
The important thing, too, is to get it below that line so we can work on hanging it.
I feel like the faster we get past the line.
Everybody get a burp out.
Brandon, yours isn't in.
That's the problem.
All right, get it in.
Everybody get a burp out.
Oh, yours isn't in.
All right.
How bad does your tummy hurt right now? It's going as hard as we can.
How bad does your tummy hurt?
This is brutal, right?
No, my stomach doesn't actually hurt that much.
Taylor, watch this, you fucking dork.
Three, two, one.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah, it's pretty fucking sick.
You guys are doing dope.
Well, Nick has an interesting mouth.
Oh, my God.
They've gotten to the line.
No, they didn't.
Yeah, they're crushing it. Are they at the line? Kind of. We better go. One, two, three, go. One, Nick has an interesting mouth. Oh my god, they've gotten to the line. No, they didn't. Are they at the line? Kind of. We better go.
One, two, three, go.
One, two, three, go.
One more of those.
I'm really afraid.
I'm going to throw up for sure.
If you have to throw up,
go to the limit. Go to the wall.
Because then you at least get some in your belly
then you throw it up.
No, you have to take one for the team. Go to the wall because then you at least get some in your belly then you throw it up. Jesus Christ. No, you have to take one for the team.
The chat's saying this is too
easy. I got to add something else
to those tanks. Tell the chat to shut up. We're going
to be drunk for the next two hours.
They want me to add another bottle or something.
At least half a bottle.
We thought there wasn't enough and that's why we went out.
Chad has to remember that every case race we've ever done,
we finished in like 30 minutes, and then we did a three-hour show after.
Oh, my God.
That is a thing?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
We're not even, what are we, 20 minutes in now?
I was planning on leaving immediately.
Six minutes.
Look at this.
I was going to get the fuck out of here.
Our line is lower than their line.
Their line is higher. It was somewhat arbitrary than their line. Their line is higher.
It was somewhat arbitrary.
Yeah, but their line is higher.
No, it's fine.
We're both going to have to do this.
I'm already drunk.
I just felt it right now.
I just got it too.
My face just got warmer.
My body got tickly.
How does that happen so fast?
Jay, can you move the lathes from the front of yours so I can see the line?
Oh, my God.
I think we're watching greatness.
These are the Tom Brady's to the left of me.
They're getting...
Hey, let's take our time.
How about TB?
Let's take our time.
I'm trying to have a good time right now.
You ever read the story of the tortoise and the hare?
Oh, my God.
We're at the line.
No, we got to go below the line.
It's going back up.
Che, run that one back.
I don't think they heard you.
We got time.
The tortoise and the hare?
Take a breather.
Do you want to describe the plot?
Brandon, when was the last time you sucked this hard?
My stomach fucking kills.
See, let them hurt themselves.
Right, that's fine.
Once they lose drinkers, that's going to hurt them as a team.
We have to win, though. We are getting
dusted.
We need motivation.
I'm not happy.
You got to push.
You got to push. Okay, ready?
You got to push.
You got to push.
Brandon, you're the chat favorite right now.
They're proud of you.
Yes, I'm proud of him.
Don't quit.
Drinking hard.
Remember when Will was too much of a pussy to do this?
Oh, dude, don't come at my boy.
I'm just saying.
Don't do that right here.
Uh-oh.
You showed up, Taylor.
I know, and I appreciate you doing that because it does really diffuse me,
but I got to stand up for Will.
You showed up.
I'm sure he's doing well in Nashville.
Guys, they're up 14 seconds.
Okay, let's go.
10 gulps, 10 gulps.
Boys, I need five.
Will's at home in Nashville flicking the bean right now.
Yeah, he's fingering his puss.
Calming a bunch.
The chat's saying Sass isn't actually swallowing.
He's just holding it in the tube.
Why would I be doing that?
That's what they're saying.
What world would I be doing that?
Sass is just storing it in his stomach.
Oh my God.
10 gulps was insane.
That hurt my brain.
But we did put a dent in.
When I stop,
it's like the throw up is coming up.
I feel that now too.
The only thing stopping my drink is drinking more.
That's what's stopping me.
You spit on the ground?
Can I tell you something else?
You spit on this floor?
I was just throwing up.
Can I tell you something else?
If you spit on the floor, it will make me throw up.
I didn't really stir these.
So as you get lower...
Oh, no.
Yes.
I'm on this piece of paper.
I took a liquor bottle, an empty liquor bottle, because I didn't have a spoon.
Oh! Yeah, throw up, Dan. I took a liquor bottle, an empty liquor bottle, because I didn't have a spoon. Oh!
Yeah, throw up, Dan.
Can I go in and fart now for the Eliminator?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no, no, no.
You know when you take like a, when you're getting really drunk?
I guess you're on my team, yes.
You get that big shiver down your spine?
Yeah.
I just had that.
It's the full.
Have any of you had ever had like a full on out on tropical drinks drunk before?
No, I've never been anywhere like that.
I guess I just never.
Seattle City, pina colada night.
Never had one before.
What, a tropical drink?
Oh, ready?
Five strong pulls.
Five strong pulls.
Ready?
Let's go back to.
Guys, I'm fucked up.
Come on, Sass.
Coming in.
Here we go. Guys, I am fucked up. Come on, Sass.
Is that my phone or is that your phone?
We're pretty much at the line.
I took six.
I took six.
That was for the team.
I say five strong pulls and then you go further if you can.
I cannot.
I didn't get anything.
I was just getting air and I started dry heaving. They kind of look.
It was an eye check.
Okay. Her line is higher than ours. I don't know. I don't get anything. I was just getting air, and I started dry heaving. The kind of look, it was an eye check. Okay.
The line was an eye check.
Your line is higher than ours.
I don't know.
I don't know that.
You did the line too fast.
Yeah, I didn't measure.
You got to take a breather, guys.
Let's take a breather.
It's like the tale of Icarus.
I've gone too fast.
I've never done that now.
Of Icarus.
I might have drank too fast.
There has to be a halftime or something like that.
I said we could do a pizza timeout
Let's do a pizza
Timeout
Timeout
Thank god
Straws are down
Should we
Review
How many pizzas should I order
I feel
Like hell in my heart
Dude my stomach Hurts so bad How many pizzas should I order? I feel like hell in my heart.
Dude, my stomach hurts so bad.
Do you guys do IVs around here?
Can we get some IVs tomorrow morning or what?
No, we don't.
Do you do that all the time?
You're balling out like that?
Buddy.
That's awesome.
Yeah, dude, nothing like liquid in your veins.
That's the big baller move.
That's like a recovery thing. That's just part of the job.
No, that's big baller.
When people are like, oh, we got fucked up last night.
Let's go get IVs.
Dude, have you ever gotten IVs?
People are like, let's get a water in us.
Have you ever gotten an IV before?
I got an IV when I got bike handlebars stuck in my belly button.
So you've never gotten an IV?
I've heard it fully recovers you.
I thought I punctured my pancreas.
It recovers you.
Oh, Brandon Walker's walking away.
He better not cheat.
Four days in the ER.
Diarrhea.
Let us know if he peed.
Is he quitting? No, he has to. He's got to go get Chick-fil-A. I better not cheat. Four days in the ER. Diarrhea. Is he quitting?
No, he has to.
He's got to go get Chick-fil-A.
I have to poop.
Oh, no, he's going to get Chick-fil-A.
That's what he was doing before.
He was eating Chick-fil-A behind the wall.
Sass, there's a thing called a magnesium push.
If you just do that, it's like a little syringe.
Magnesium push.
They say, I've never done it, but they say it's like the rush of heroin
for like 15 seconds.
Sounds like it's just heroin.
It's like the best thing to get over hangovers.
Hangover?
The best thing to get over hangovers.
I had one time when I was in Phoenix
and I was doing shows out there.
Shout out Arizona.
Yeah, and I was the most hungover I've ever been
just laying in a bathtub for hours.
Oh, wow.
And I contemplated, I looked up like having
one of those nurses come to my hotel and give me an IV. When you say the I contemplated. I looked up like having one of those nurses come to
my hotel and give me an IV.
When you say the word contemplated,
it makes it seem like you were thinking about something
way worse. In a bathtub
full of water with a toaster oven right next to it.
Do you know what contemplated means?
Do I? No, Roan.
Roan? Big word
guy. I was just
joking. Don't joke with to my family about how...
Don't joke with me about the few big words I know.
Are you okay?
I'm starting to feel it in my shoulders.
You guys are speaking a little too eloquently.
I don't think you know what's going on in our stomachs.
I'm just saying.
We started drinking 13 minutes ago.
We all feel like we have the diarrhea, right?
Kate, the chatter.
I'm feeling it in the legs and the shoulders.
You take a poop break?
Are we all allowed to go?
No, we have to do a riddle.
You have to do a riddle.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Seven people in here don't party.
Ooh.
Pussies.
Oh.
I party.
Don't party.
What do you mean?
You're not only coming at us, but you're coming at your own team as well.
I kind of want to poop too, though.
No, no, no.
Explosive diarrhea.
Yeah.
Andrew WK was here right now.
Walker had Chick-fil-A and a two-liter of milk before we started.
Oh, sweet tea, but yeah, it's the same thing.
Sweet tea?
Yeah.
A fullness in my belly.
I'm where you're at right now.
I'm feeling it in my...
I'm feeling it in my shirt off.
It's going from the stomach.
You shouldn't feel it in your shoulders.
That's right.
What are you talking about?
Sass is...
It's a shoulder drug.
Are you getting jacked 2023 or no?
Like, the pain.
I'm having severe pain.
I'm getting so jacked 2023.
How many times have you worked out this January?
That was...
Hey, listen.
There is...
Look how bad you are.
I hit you.
No, you hit this pole and it bounced off.
You look stupid, dude.
I have worked out...
That Donald Trump haircut, dude. Damn. That's not dude. I have worked out. That Donald Trump haircut, dude.
That's not right.
I've worked out four times.
What's today's date?
The 13th?
That's pretty good.
Probably.
That's something.
I feel like if I let out a fart right now.
Look at that, dude.
If you grew that out two more inches,
you would be Donald Trump in a spray tan.
Oh, my goodness.
This is what the merman drink does,
ladies and gentlemen.
Tarps off off the rip.
Keep that unbuttoned, Dan.
Less than 15 minutes in,
tarps off.
I feel it in my heart more than anywhere else.
Mine's going straight to the heart.
I feel like I have to fart, but if I fart, it's going to look
like a fucking cherub fountain, dude.
It's going to look like a fucking cherub fountain, dude. It's going to look like a Lisa Frank folder.
Hearts and stars and rainbows.
Order the pizzas.
Can we?
Oh, let's just list this.
Wait, are we alone?
The stomach and the chest.
When do you guys want to go back time in?
No, I mean, we can't.
I mean, I haven't ordered them yet.
Whoa.
Time in. I gotta order them. Time in, time in no I mean we can't I mean I haven't ordered him yet no doesn't time
enough to be agreed upon we've been fake drinking the whole time
thought we were ordering pizza oh I think I got a piece of ice. Or no, that was a Skittle.
That was delicious.
You got it.
Yes.
Uh-oh.
It's 2 o'clock somewhere.
We're below the tape.
We're below the tape.
Hey, are they cheating?
You got it.
You got it.
Oh, no.
He's doing a fart roll.
Be demon.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it. Oh, shit.
Be demon.
Be demon.
You got it.
You got it.
All right, time out.
Time out.
Time out.
Time out.
Time out.
Hey, hey, we call time out.
We call time out.
Be demons, be demons.
Feeling pretty damn good about that.
Hey, Brandon's not even drinking.
The fluid just got to his mouth.
That sounded like a drop.
I didn't actually, it's kind of jacked up.
You bring up a good point, though, about the Skittle.
We have to start being careful because...
I am feeling bad.
You got it, you got it, you got it.
You ought to take a nerd to the gullet.
As soon as we finish, I'm going to throw up.
Is there a time limit you have to wait to throw up?
You got it, you got it, you got it, y'all.
Hey, this is good culture.
This is good culture here.
I'm so glad I drafted you.
We're just sitting here hanging out, and you're just taking pulls for fun.
I now feel drunk.
And so stomachful.
That's right.
I feel drunk.
Tories in the hair, boys and girl.
Sass.
I don't get out a lot, and I really needed this.
This is just for life.
For me, Sass.
You got to pretend that it doesn't exist.
Yeah, right?
It's like a nice bro.
No complaints.
Hey, Sass, we're getting IVs tomorrow.
Stop complaining, Sass, and just fucking drink.
Sass's shoulders hurt.
He drank so fast, his shoulders hurt.
He's holding his shoulder.
He's holding his shoulder.
Gas all in my chest.
So much.
16 minutes ago, you were sober. Stop being a pussy. You were dead sober 16 minutes ago you were sober
Stop being a pussy
You were dead sober 16 minutes ago
Now I had Tommy John surgery
Oh my god
I'm not saying this in a mean way
This is gonna hurt
This is gonna hurt
I'm just saying like
You can tell you're bloated
Oh god
You say that not in a mean way.
Oh, I mean, what I mean is...
No, I look like Fat Elvis right before he died.
I mean, you can tell the bubbles are in your stomach.
A Elvis full of Vicodin.
What are you doing on this side, Luan?
We're going to take a shit and die from a heart attack.
I'm saying you're showing what we're all going through right now.
Oh, I can't suck in my stomach.
Right, exactly. heart attack. I'm saying you're showing what we're all going through right now. Oh, I can't suck in my stomach. Exactly. Like, it's a
fullness that you can tell is like
solid, is what I mean.
Push on his stomach, Taylor. Push hard
on his stomach. Push on it, Taylor.
I can't go anywhere.
My stomach is just, oh.
It's like a concrete
block. What happens when you burp?
This is the closest I've ever had to having abs.
Look at this.
You could bounce a quarter off my belly right now.
It's so full.
All right, we've got to keep drinking.
I got you.
Guys, we're almost to the bottom of the line.
We should start thinking about strategy.
Five strong pulls, and then we've got to find that nicotine.
Yeah.
I wish I could smoke a cigarette in here, to be honest.
I got up too fast.
Oh.
I just got shivered on my spine.
Sass is out.
He's out.
He's out.
He's planking.
Take a big drink, Nick, and then I will.
See, I don't think this is that bad.
Sass, do me a favor. Buy your right in this, and then I will. See, I don't think this is that bad. Sass, do me a favor.
Buy your right in this, guys.
I know.
Sass, buy your left leg.
There's a can under the chair.
Sass is out.
Sass is gone.
Taylor, what was Justin Hunter like?
I always liked him.
Justin Hunter from Tennessee, wide receiver?
Yeah.
Great guy.
Here we go.
He was outstanding.
I liked him.
I don't like AJ Bryce.
He should flashes.
My sophomore year, my second year in the league. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, big cat. Here we go. He was outstanding. I liked him. I don't like AJ Bryce. He showed flashes. My sophomore year, my second year in the league.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh, big cat.
Uh-oh.
I was talking.
Sorry.
Justin Hunter had an ankle injury.
We were like 3-13.
And week 15, he was jumping up and touching the 12-foot ceiling in front of the media.
And that was not a good look for him.
But he's an outstanding individual.
I always thought he was on the precipice.
He could have been great.
Yeah, he was a stud.
We were so bad.
A hard drink out of everyone.
I know, I know.
We're dominating.
Yeah, we're totally dominating.
Come on, let's go.
One big drink.
Sass, if you have to puke, then puke.
Yeah, Sass, go as hard as you can and puke. That's fine. That's honestly fine. if you have to puke and puke yeah sass go as hard as you can and puke
that's fine that's honestly fine yeah no no he's out you have to leave yeah but go as hard as you
can sass go as hard as you can and then go puke go as hard as you can oh man look at all those
air bubbles and sass you didn't even drink anything
you didn't take a sip. You didn't take a sip.
You want his shoulders to hurt worse?
You must.
You guys don't have gas problems like I do.
Oh, shut up.
You're three years old.
It goes chest.
Shut up.
And then it goes down to the legs.
You don't have gas in your shoulders.
I do.
Nick, Nick, me, you, and Brent.
Go.
Right now.
Okay, go.
I need you to get that all the way to the fluid,
all the way up the tube before you start counting your five,
by the way.
I'm not going to point fingers, but I do feel like.
That's a good coachable moment.
That's a good coachable moment.
Ooh.
It is going to get harder as we get to the bottom,
keeping our straws in the liquor.
Ready?
One way.
We're one away.
We're one away.
Uh-oh.
Sass, go as hard as you can, Sass.
Where am I, Sass?
Where am I, Sass?
Oh, my God.
I got aired.
You're not drinking.
Go.
No, he's not.
No, he's not.
No, he's not.
Let's do a step ahead. What are we thinking about for the pulley system? Taylor, it's not. No, he's not. No, he's not. Let's keep a step ahead.
What are we thinking about for the pulley system?
Taylor, it's Nissan Stadium, right?
And then Nissan has the truck.
Don't answer him.
Don't answer him.
That come out before or after.
Was that coincidental?
We're going to have to.
Where do we go?
Where do we go?
What I think is we cut a series of like four.
I love the line.
Why am I out?
You're going to puke.
I know you're going to puke.
He's not going to puke.
If Sass goes to the bathroom, somebody should follow him.
We're below the line.
We're below the line.
No, you're not.
We're below the line.
Come look.
KB's a judge.
Wait, what?
Pull.
Everybody pull.
Everybody pull.
Take a big pull.
Take a big pull.
Nick, take a big pull.
We're easily below the line Where are you below the line?
We're below the line.
Hey, come here.
Come here.
We're below the line.
Wait, KB just signed off on ours.
Yeah, all right.
Let's go.
Are we?
Are we, KB?
Are we?
Drill.
Drill.
Someone else drill.
No.
Check this side.
Check this side.
Check over here.
Over here we are, KB.
Drill.
Yeah, you're good.
You're good.
Yes.
Okay. We're good. Okay. Tube's we are, KB. Yes, okay, we're good.
Okay.
Tubes out.
Tubes out.
So can I?
I'm taking this.
I'm getting this.
All right, all right.
Wait, tubes out.
Okay.
Tutorial.
Where's the rope?
Where's the rope?
Where's the rope?
Does anybody know how to use this?
Get right in the rope.
He knows.
He knows.
He knows.
Where's the rope?
Where's the other one?
Where's the other one?
Go look for the inside.
Go look for the rope.
He's got the rope.
Right here. We got got one. I'm keeping him. I'm keeping him.
We're using him.
We're using him.
We're using him.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife.
We've got a knife. We've got a knife. We've got a knife. We've got a knife Rowan, catch this knife.
Catch this knife.
Who cares?
Do it regardless.
There is so much plastic going in.
Our tank cracked. Our tank cracked.
Our tank cracked.
Wait.
We don't have the rope to wrap around.
Yes, we do.
We have an enormous crack in our tank going all the way down the side.
It doesn't reach the liquor yet, but further movement could seriously hinder. I don't know if you can hear this right now,
but we're in trouble.
We wrap it like a planted pot. Look at Sass's
Sass is all body
Nothing else
Look at Sass try to
Feign like he's
Sass isn't gonna work!
Nothing to hold it!
Do we have a board?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, fuck.
All right.
Well, we're just going to adjust the plan.
Don't press it.
There's a rope and I can't do anything.
We shouldn't drill.
There's going to be some plastic in our drill. They're drilling.
I got it.
Don't stop me.
Sass. You already got it! No, stop! Sass! Come on!
Kill him, Sass!
No, no, no.
No, we don't want the plastic to print.
Yeah, yeah.
Whoa!
All right, that's good.
That's good.
That's good.
It's not gonna work.
It's not gonna work.
It's not gonna work.
It's not gonna work.
Oh, that's so many plastic.
We're so dumb!
Who cares?
Oh, the plastic!
Hey, hey.
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. There is so much plastic in our tank
Hold on, give me the knife
I'm gonna get a starter bolt
Oh yeah
Yes!
Oh fuck
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine
It's not spilling!
Hey, show us how to do it! I broke the glass. I broke it.
I broke the aquarium.
Big cat. Big cat.
Should I just bring his whole shelf down right now?
They have a better bit than us.
Oh!
Oh, there is so much plastic in this drink.
What?
Fuck Wilcox.
Hey, we need to have a platform and suspend the platform and then put the drink on the platform.
Is there a piece of wood that we can suspend and then put that on this piece of wood?
Nobody's listening to me.
I'm telling you, it's not going to do it either way.
We need something to suspend it on. There's a giant shelf made out of wood behind tape.
If we get tape, we're good.
I need a board and two pieces of rope.
The cat is so bloated.
None of that.
It's all stomach.
Boys, boys, boys. I just used a COVID mask to get the plastic out of the top of our...
Guys, we got to get it suspended.
Big Cat. Everybody listen. We need to tape this up. We got to get it suspended. Big Cat.
Everybody listen.
We need to suspend it.
Taylor, get the fuck away from us.
It's gone.
Oh, that.
Can I get one for Tommy?
Oh, I can have this one.
Okay. Can I get one for Tommy? Oh, I can have this one.
No, that will absolutely not work.
No, it won't.
It'll snap.
Oh, how many do we need, though? 13 mixed person. We have it, we have it!
Alright, both teams have made progress. Yeah, we're so excited. We'll be right back. Are you guys aware of the smell in here?
It smells like pure, not just liquor, liquor vomited already.
Get the fuck out of here, dude.
You're vomiting?
Yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Your chest hair is so stupid.
All right, man.
Cut, cut, cut it.
Barely any of it.
Wait, you can get the plastic out?
What's so stupid about that?
We don't have plastic in our bags.
It's just a bunch of stuff.
Pardon me.
Thanks for wasting our time.
That's right, bro.
How's this show going?
Good knock, good knock.
Taylor, good knock.
Get ready to start.
Yeah, get ready, get ready.
Start drinking.
What's this?
Bring this over.
Bring this over.
This is going to be a little bit tiring.
Don't let that spill.
Wait, actually, I like it sideways because we'll be able to drink more out of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll be able to just go on.
Hold this one.
Do you know how long this one is?
I got to re-evaluate it as well. Tie it. Tie it like a bunch of knots. This one's tied. What's not tied? Okay, we have a big tangle of ropes on our side that's difficult to figure out.
Taylor has gotten it above a major structural beam, which is helpful.
But we have a thousand ropes right now. Let go, let go.
We're in, we're in.
We're good, we're good, we're good.
Wow.
Big Cat got it.
They got it up.
Get to drinking.
Here's one.
Keep drinking it.
Here's another one.
Shit, it's not sure what.
Stop playing with ours.
Dan, Dan.
I'm just putting my hands up.
They're drinking, they're drinking.
Chase, drink it, Chase, drink it. You don't like it. You don't like it. You don't. I'm just putting my hands down. They're drinking. They're drinking. Chase, drink it.
Chase, drink it.
You don't like it.
You don't like it.
You don't like it.
You don't like it.
You can't block shit, Taylor.
You can't block me, Taylor.
Okay.
Use your strength.
This is where it matters.
This is where it matters.
My three. Let's go.
Wait, where's the straws?
Did they hide our straws?
No, my straw's right here.
I know, I know.
Dan's putting on his own game.
I'm not rocketing.
Okay, almost there.
Five hard pulls.
Get him out of here.
Get him out of here.
Go, go.
Go. Five hard pulls. Get out of here. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. Go, go. Can you beat?
No.
Go.
Oh, where's my straw?
Are you good?
He just threw mine out.
I got you.
Fuck, there's nothing.
Oh, fuck.
The fucking nerds.
The nerds.
You just have so much plastic.
Oh, shit. No, it so much plastic. Oh, shit.
Go, Sass.
Sass, go as hard as you can.
I only drink drinking.
Go as hard as you can.
There's no room here.
You got it.
You got it, y'all.
Go, go.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it, y'all.
You got it.
You got it.
So I keep getting the nerds stuck in my throat.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
Y'all. Oh, speed demon. Speed demon. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
They got it.
They got it.
What a win.
What a win.
You got it.
You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it. Our hang is better. Our hang is better. Our hang is way better. This is my greatest individual team accomplishment I've ever had.
Our hang is way better.
Oh, my God.
Our hang is way sturdier.
Oh, my God.
Ours will be there next week.
I could hang from that.
I'll tell you what.
The live hanging aspect was very fun.
That was very fun.
It always is.
We just...
That was hard. We couldn't figure it out for a funny. It always is. We just... That was hard.
We couldn't figure it out for a while.
Guys, that wasn't even 30 minutes barely.
Oh, I know.
Now we got to...
We should do another one.
When I say 20 minutes...
Refill them.
Refill them.
What if we do...
What we should do is we should get some beers.
What if we add...
I don't know.
...a mini case race?
We could do it right now.
One case per team.
Because I'm not even drunk.
What if we didn't do that? I'm not even fucking drunk. Let's do that. Let's do one case per team. I'll be honest. I could't know. We could do a mini case race. We could do it right now. One case per team. What if we didn't do that?
I'm not even fucking drunk.
Let's do that.
Let's do one case per team.
I'll be honest.
I could keep drinking.
Is there somebody that can grab us cases of beer?
You stop drinking.
That's been the problem.
The chat wants you to drink more.
I'm going to go.
They said they want to get their money's worth.
Their money's worth.
Yeah, they want you guys.
They said they want you to drink a lot.
We punish ourselves for it.
They said that wasn't bad. They want you to drink a little more at punish ourselves for it. They said that wasn't bad.
They want you to drink a little more at least.
Is anyone else so stinky?
Go puke.
I was going to go wash my face off.
Yeah, I'm just stinky.
The show that we literally punish ourselves for, they're not happy with.
I was just lying.
Oh, my God.
That was fun.
I lied about everything they said.
Kate, the chat wants you to reciprocate the love to the Lady Yakkers.
Lady Yakkers.
They say that you're always ignoring them.
What?
They want you to reciprocate the love for one.
Oh, my God.
I was trying to puke.
Ladies, I'm trying.
I'll watch this TV show video.
Oh, no.
Rose puked.
Oh, uh.
I'm going to go puke next to her.
All right, hold on.
I want to hear it.
Legend.
Yeah, Rowan puked a lot.
Yeah, that was a lot of puke.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Big Cat.
Holy shit.
Dude, I can't state how bad it smells in there.
It smells like burps, vomit, liquor. And now it's about to be worse.
Oh my God.
Big Cat is puking
like it's out of a comic.
It's out of a cartoon.
Oh no.
Big Cat just cartooned here.
Oh God.
Family guy episode.
Oh my God.
Oh no.
Look at his snot bubble. Look at Big Cat's snot bubble. Oh, my God. Oh! Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no.
Look at his snot bubble.
Look at Big Cat's snot bubble.
It's a perfect bubble.
He's got a perfect snot bubble.
Oh, my God.
He's got a perfect snot bubble.
I want to throw up.
Get out of the way.
Oh, no.
Sass is going to throw up, too. Get in.
Get in.
Get in.
Get in.
Get in.
Get in.
Get in.
Get in.
Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in. Get in! Get in, get in, get in!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh Taylor!
Get in the trash, get in the trash, get in the trash!
Oh my god!
Hi!
It's not football.
Oh my god. It smells so bad, dude.
It smells so bad right here.
It's the funniest sight I've ever seen, I think. That's cartoonish Pop your bubble
Oh my god
It's not bubble
I'm having so much fun Zoom in on bubble. I'm having so much fun.
Zoom in on me, TJ.
I'm having so much fun.
TJ.
Look at me.
Oh no, Nick.
Take it out of here.
Nick.
Nick.
I'm having so much fun.
Oh god, Tim.
Zoom in.
I'm having the best time of my life.
Nothing better than drinking.
Dude, as soon as I went over, all I had to do was see Rone puke,
and I was just like, I'm done.
It's over.
I just had to get close to his puke, and then it was just fucking waterfall.
That doesn't count towards the fart eliminator.
Oh, my God.
That was so funny.
You're just hearing Steve and Chase scream laughing as you talk.
Tyler, can you give me some paper towels?
Oh, my God.
That was so funny.
I just had a comic.
I just had a cartoon throw up.
Spraying.
Spraying.
And it's all green.
It's just green and skittles.
I know.
I lost my zin when I threw up.
It smells so bad in here.
That was like one of the more aggressive throw ups.
Taylor and the road,
those are my bros.
We just throw up together.
I was just like,
I got to throw up.
I just got to go stand next to road
while he's throwing up.
I said if we start throwing up, we all throw up.
Fucking wipe your nose.
Oh, damn.
Big Cat, that's so gross.
So gross.
Yeah, yeah, for the guy with the snottle over his face.
Hey.
Oh, that helped, though.
I feel so much better.
That was more like throwing up just to throw up.
Should we do a mini case race?
Four teams, one case.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes. So much money. Big Cat. Big Cat. Taylor, I'll go buy the beer right now. throw up should we do a mini case race for teams one case yes yes so much yes
okay big cat Taylor I'll go by the beer right now 14 by the road what big cat
we're doing for four people one case I I feel so bad in this trash can.
Dude, I was comic book throwing up.
I was comic book throwing up.
That was so much.
It was awesome.
You threw up everything.
That eyewear.
You obviously threw the most new things.
I finished all my throw up, and you had like three more.
Yeah, dude, I drank so much.
It was insane.
I can't describe how much relief it was throwing up.
One case for four people.
We could easily do that.
I'm not even that drunk, dude.
I really don't feel that bad.
My stomach was just throwing up.
You just threw up everywhere.
Yeah, but I thought it was a scene.
That was good.
That made me feel good.
That was a business decision right there.
You're way less bloated now.
Taylor, you lost a shoe.
I did, dude. My little flippers are hanging out dude
I'll just go get beers
So we can sip on them at least
I think we should do a race
I think we should regain our composure
In the next five minutes
That'll be 2.30
And we hit a case race
Our team was at 24 beers or 30 beers
Dude we started drinking fucking 40 minutes ago.
I've never gone that fast from like...
I just can't tell you how much fun that was
to throw up like that.
That was so funny.
Oh, no!
Nick!
Nicky!
Oh, my God.
Let me go!
This is not what I had in mind.
None of this is what I had in mind.
Delicious drinking.
Delicious.
I thought tropical drinks.
Oh, everybody having fun.
A laid back Friday with the wine pizza.
This is not The picture I had
The thing is when the first one comes
Then it's just an avalanche after that
Hey I got my headset on now
I was getting a thumbs down from the booth
Yeah we can't drink after throwing up
Oh yeah yeah
Let's just hang out
We got pizza coming let's hang out and have a yak
This would be great
Oh he's right
TJ's right
No no because it's a bad look.
What is it?
We can get banned.
Yeah, we can get banned from YouTube.
YouTube deal.
YouTube deal.
There is a shelf in the corner there that doesn't need to be in the studio anymore, though.
I'm worried that if I stop drinking now, it's going to be a world of hurt.
I don't need water.
Come on, kids.
Sass, I'm with you.
A world of hurt.
I got three shows tonight.
We can't drink anymore.
That is... On YouTube. It's a YouTube thing. I got three shows tonight. We can't drink anymore.
On YouTube. It's a YouTube thing.
TJ is... Listen, as I'll say, I trust TJ
complicitly.
I have two producers in my life, Hank and TJ.
Alright, Dan. Just tell me what he...
If they tell me to do something,
I do it. TJ's right.
If we start
drinking again, YouTube can ban us.
The yak, everything we've built, can get
in trouble. That's stupid.
That's short-sighted.
What do we do now? We can go drink off there.
Can we put it in cups?
Yeah, we put it in cups. If you guys leave
and come back and have something in your cup, I can't
say anything.
If we all leave and come back. If I bring you back
a cup, would you drink what's in it?
Yeah, I mean, I got a ton of room in my belly now.
I feel so much better.
I'm a new, I felt bad about it, baby.
I got to hear from Kate.
Kate, you should throw up too.
It's seriously the best.
I don't feel drunk anymore.
Is this how you envisioned Fishbowl Friday going?
Two pictures that I have in my phone.
What the fuck?
What just happened? Two pictures that I have in my phone are fucked up. What just happened?
Y'all should be able to finish
that drink though, right?
There's so much plastic in that.
Do you
appreciate how quickly that all happened?
No, it got very aggressive
very quickly. That was a lot of fun.
That was the most violent vomit
spread. Oh, I'm a very violent vomiter. That was a lot of fun. That was the most violent vomit. Oh, I'm a very violent
vomiter. It was like a fire
when they opened the fire hoses in the
summer. That was awesome.
I literally, I
feel buzzed, but I
don't feel drunk. In college
I feel like we just threw up all the stuff that
would have made us super drunk. Yes, but it was a good
thing to do. It was the smartest thing to do.
In college, Kate,
like, my roommates,
who are still my best friends
to today,
they used to always be like,
what, like,
so you threw up,
because they could hear me
throughout the whole...
I just...
When I throw up,
I go fucking balls to the wall.
I looked over...
I put my whole body in it.
It was...
It was like a cartoon,
like you said.
It was like...
It was impressive.
It was like a triangle of white foam.. It was impressive. It was like a triangle
of white foam.
Did you notice,
did you notice too,
I think I'm the only person
who when they throw up,
they laugh while they throw up
because I find,
I find throw up
one of the funniest things
in the world,
even my own.
I was like crying in the bathroom.
I was like a baby.
Even when I was a little boy,
I would be like,
I would throw up
and I'd be like panicked.
I'd be scared that I'm throwing up. Now I appreciate the art. When I was a little boy, I would be like, I would throw up and I'd be like panicked. I'm scared that I'm throwing up. Now I appreciate
the art. My kids throw up, which is
like a disaster because kids throw up
all the time and they throw up.
They'll just throw up wherever they want.
I still laugh when they throw up
and I'm like, I gotta clean it up and I'll just be sitting
there like crying, laughing,
being like, oh yeah, just get it all out.
Throw up is hilarious. Those clips are going to be incredible. What if we shut down there like crying laughing being like oh yeah just get it all out throw up it's hilarious
so what those clips are going to be incredible what if we shut down the broadcast restart the
broadcast and now we haven't been drinking on said broadcast so we can rehab a case race
that's a loophole if i ever saw it
it's got that dog in it What do you think boys
We just get cups
We just get paper cups
Yeah cause I've
I've officially drawn my line
I am boozing today
Yeah
Listen if you guys
I can't turn back now
Go to the bathroom or something
Or go get a snack
And you happen to come back
With an unmarked cup
Like
I can't
I can't prove what's in it
Alright I'll go do that
I'll be right back
Can we somehow make a competition Out of that because i just don't want to be an alcoholic no no you can't
say that oh sorry sorry i i don't want to just drink just a drink i want to have some friendly
competition that was so much fun i went so much faster that was way faster that's what happened
faster wait that was we kind of we kind of had a team meeting and joked like,
oh, yeah, we're going to do it in 20 minutes.
What do you want, like 30 minutes?
Soberman's thoughts.
Was that funny?
That was the perfect difficulty, the perfect amount of time,
and it was.
The tool part was pretty funny.
Yeah, that was amazing.
Everything went perfectly.
How about the drops?
Were those funny?
That was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
I'm coming with you.
The words can't describe it. Can I watch it back, TJ? Can you watch it? perfectly. How about the throw-ups? Are those funny? That was the funniest thing I've ever seen. I'm coming with you.
The words can't describe Can I watch it back,
TJ?
Can you watch?
I don't even know
if it smells
because I'm just
so bad.
My mouth smells
very bad by the
trash can.
It does.
It smells so bad.
If I looked in the
trash can,
Why don't you
bag it up?
Bag it up.
Yeah, bag it up
and throw it in
another trash can.
Can I watch?
Look, you can't
even see Cade's face.
I'm glad because it's devastated.
I feel like.
Hey, that was a success.
That was good.
That was a great success.
It was very tasty going down.
Can I say?
That was so much fun.
I feel like it's just coming to me now.
I feel like it's just.
You want to throw up?
Fuck no.
My fucking G, dude.
You were like.
Every little bit of throw up you can get out
is a blessing, honestly.
Who all threw up?
Me, Roe Taylor.
It literally was Firehose.
It was Firehose throwing up.
It was like a cartoon...
That's all throw up.
Hold it up.
Hold it up.
Ew!
Ew! Hold it up. Hold it up. Hold it up. Ew. Ew.
This is probably like 15 pounds.
15 pounds, he says.
I mean, think about how much each one of those weighed.
25 pounds.
So if it's just. That bag was empty.
Oh, my God.
Pounds of liquid that we just put into our body.
Like we're.
I'm still laughing.
We each gained at least six pounds of pure liquid.
No, no.
Rode, I just want to say thank you because I wouldn't have thrown up if I wasn't able to stand next to you throwing up.
Yeah, you were like, do it.
I'm going to come by you.
I'm coming over.
Pulling trig as a squad is the best is the move it's the peak
of male friendship and I think
it kind of it did it
popped the balloon a little bit it like
a little bit of air out I feel like a model
I could keep going
Brandon's asleep out there
on the couch
Kate is just mortified
I'll say I was like
really drinking
the whole time and I'm
I feel a little not disappointed
in everybody but I think you drank
the most I chugged really hard
yeah you went out too fast
it didn't matter because
everything went well
I could see it in your stomach earlier
though I said that like I wasn't trying to shit on you
but it ballooned I put so much in my stomach that said that. Like, I wasn't trying to shit on you. Ballooned. But it ballooned.
I put so much in my stomach.
That is a hilarious sentence.
Like, I'm not trying to shit on you, but you look bloated as fuck.
CJ, what's the chat saying?
Are they enjoying this?
They want you guys to keep going.
Oh.
Of course they do.
I also don't want this to be the last yak in history.
Yeah, right.
They want to punish us.
Fair enough.
Yak fans are masochists.
Yeah. Oh, not are masochists.
Yeah.
No, not as masochists.
I would stay and sit out of a cup and chat
for a minute.
Yeah, no, I'm down to hang.
Yeah, I'm down.
Pizza coming.
Let's fill up another
fucking garbage bag, too.
These hanging tanks
are so funny.
Like, we need to
give ourselves credit.
It looks like a quinceanera.
How stupid this is.
Did you see that?
Whoever tied this one
is a sexual deviant taylor taylor got way i don't you wrote the camera the cameras can't see but he
got it's not this basic he found a new beam he found a new beam about a foot and a half higher
up it goes way higher than what you're seeing this This is actually kind of good vibes, though. 230, already obliterated.
Throw-ups out of the body,
so you're like skinny and fucking drunk.
This is kind of nice.
I'm going to go home tonight.
Is that pizza coming or what?
Yeah, no, it's on its way.
What kind of pizza do we get?
Oh, no, come on.
That's the best pizza.
That's not even pizza.
I love that.
New York City, bro.
I got a few pepperonis, a white pizza. I don't even think I can look best pizza. That's not even pizza. I love that pizza. New York City, bro.
I got a few pepperonis, a white pizza.
I don't even think I can look at pizza.
Steven, you're a fucking G.
Yeah, Steven.
Winning team.
Wait, don't y'all post these at the fart?
Hold on, but should I go puke in the new garbage bag?
Wait, are you?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Where is mine?
No. Do it, do it, do it. I'm trying, I'm trying. Pull the trigger. Think about pubes and ketchup on a toilet seat
That's what gets me every time
This scene
These hanging tanks are killing me
Yeah, they're just swinging
I just saw Connery said this is one of our biggest shows ever
Like live audience.
Let's go, dude.
We're like poisoning ourselves.
I hate to be that guy, but if there's a live audience watching right now,
maybe check out Bustin' with the Boys.
It's serious.
Yeah, Bustin' with the Boys is a podcast with Taylor Luan
and a huge fucking pussy.
It's beautiful.
I mean, he's not here.
It's inclusive.
Can we Zoom him in? Can you send Will a Zoom? I'll FaceTime him. He's probably. I mean, he's not here. It's inclusion. Can we Zoom him in?
Can you send Will a Zoom?
I'll FaceTime him.
He's playing pickleball right now.
Then he could be on here.
People can watch him.
We put out a poll right after we did the draft, and the teams, obviously, Will was subbed
in for Taylor.
Or, sorry, Will was subbed in for Brandon.
All right, Chad.
Brandon was subbed in for Will. You guys had a 79% of the vote, I believe, was for your in for Brandon. All right, Che. Brandon was subbed in for Will.
You guys had a 79% of the vote, I believe, was for your guys' team.
Because they don't know.
For the underdogs.
I looked at every scouting report.
I had multiple people.
Brandon and Sass was just 15.
Started complaining two seconds in.
You picked the perfect team.
It was literally two.
I looked at the clock.
It was two minutes and seven seconds in when he said his tummy hurt.
My mistake was I drank too fast coming out of the gate.
That was a problem.
You were a house.
I was.
I drank too fast.
That made it better.
You guys going fast.
The amount that you vomited, it was proof.
Yeah, it was.
I had half the tank in my belly.
You plumbed yourself.
It was like a plumber.
Just like you fixed the jammed up tank.
Yeah.
Can we watch back?
The rake guy.
DJ, can we watch back the puke?
Did the camera capture the puke?
Because it was a cartoon.
I know.
It's a record.
But I never seen you.
I've never seen you so disgusted.
Family guy episode.
Because I don't do vomit
very well.
Oh no.
Look at his snot bubble.
Look at Big Ed's snot bubble.
A perfect bubble.
He's got a perfect snot bubble.
Oh my god.
He's got a perfect snot bubble.
His snot bubble.
He's got his own snot bubble.
He's got his own snot bubble. What the heck? Stop, Bubba. Stop, Bubba. Stop, Bubba. Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba.
Stop, Bubba. I think that sugar is a stronger drug than alcohol. Yes. Yes. I really think it is. I agreed. There was so much sugar in that.
It was very tasty, though.
It was.
It was.
Shout out, Ashley.
Lady Yak.
That was a Lady Yak.
You guys are a lot more of a fun drunk, too.
Yeah.
It was good.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I mean.
Hey, you seem the most sober.
I feel pretty good.
You drink a lot?
I feel like I drank a lot.
I drank.
Certainly, I didn't take it easy. I feel pretty fucked up right now, but I feel pretty good. You drink a lot? I feel like I drank a lot. Like, I drank. Certainly, I didn't, like, take it easy.
I feel pretty fucked up right now, but I feel nice.
I'm shit-faced.
Yeah, I feel pretty fucked up.
Brandon, what's up?
You seem kind of sober, too.
I feel good.
All things considered?
I'm fine, yeah.
My face is hot.
Oh, hold on, Brandon.
I was just, I had to rest for a second.
I went and took a onesie, and I walked outside,
and you were on the couch with a wet towel over your head.
You were hurting.
It's too sunny in here for me.
The towel wasn't wet.
It was just a towel and I was just chilling.
I need about 20 minutes off my feet.
That's all it was.
Now you're back fresh.
I doubt.
Good job, everybody.
Brandon looks like a guy that has a doubt.
I feel like it's not over.
No, I would like a...
A cocktail.
A beer. I would keep a... A cocktail. A beer.
I would keep the liquor train going.
I'm afraid if I...
Oh, our pizza's here.
Pizza's here.
Oh, nice.
If I don't keep drinking, it's going to be bad.
Yeah, I do not even want the pizza.
Said responsibly, of course.
I just want more booze.
It's going to be bad.
I have no save for this.
Oh, my God. When I was p booze. It's going to be bad. I have no save for this. Oh, my God.
When I was puking, individual nerds were coming out.
That was the problem at the end was I kept getting nerds.
Puked up nerds?
And the nerds were squishy.
I thought I had a tonsil stone.
Yeah.
I had a full Swedish fish flopping around in the toilet.
Look at the liquid now in the corner of ours.
It's like a syrup.
Big Cat, I'm on to what you're going to do.
Oh no. You might want to get up.
Big Cat. Big Cat.
I put a lot of work into that.
Oh yeah, because you guys have to fart.
I'm just chilling.
Big Cat. Big Cat.
I said the show was over.
I put a lot of work into that.
I got cowbells on that.
Grab your favorite thing, Brandon.
Go grab it.
Can I grab one thing?
Go grab it.
No, no, no, no, no.
Earthquake.
Earthquake.
Oh, my God.
No.
Not the earthquake.
Oh, fuck.
But the show's over, though.
Yeah.
Is that Ohio State helmet out of here?
Throw that in the pew.
Oh!
This is going to take forever to clean up.
Fuck.
Dude, Ohio State could have taken care of the SEC.
They could have packed them up.
Screwed us, dude.
They could have packed up Georgia.
You also lost to TCU, who was terrible.
Huh?
You lost to TCU, who was awful.
I heard you the first time.
Michigan lost that game more than TCU was terrible. Huh? You lost to TCU, who was awful. I heard you the first time. Michigan lost that game more than TCU won it.
I don't think that makes it no better.
That makes it worse.
That's a terrible idea.
That makes it worse.
This played bad.
It's all good.
What is that?
Pink Whitney.
Oh, no, you can't say that.
No, you can't do that.
Can't do that.
Can't do that.
Can't do that.
What can we do? Just off air if you come back't do that. Can't do that. What can we do?
Just off air if you come back with a cup.
What's the back of the cup?
Nothing branded if you come back with a cup.
All right, I have this cup of water right here.
Yeah, and just pour it into your other cup of water,
and then you're double watered up,
and we're going to zoom in on the record.
No, I'll do it.
I'll do it.
KB, you missed it.
An earthquake happened.
I'll do it outside.
I'll do it.
He's just chugging.
Looks like a hurricane.
There was a laptop on that shelf
No
Yeah there was
You guys have to
I'm being honest
You have to keep drinking now
We're going to drink water out of the cups
Or in 15 minutes you're going to be hurting
Keep it going
This is sugar
We are
Sass where did you get that?
Sass did you get what you said you were going to get?
Brandon you did your last show of the year
No I'm coming back in August but that's fine Oh yeah August Sass, did you get what you said you were going to get? Brandon, you did your last show of the year.
No, I'm coming back in August, but that's fine.
Oh, yeah, August.
My next show is in Chicago.
We're good.
Beautiful.
August?
Yeah, and everything after.
What song is that?
January.
What show are you doing?
We're going to walk a college football show.
Want help?
Huh?
Want help?
College football show?
Oh, yo, let's go.
Let's talk business. Yes, I do.
Let's talk business.
I like that.
That's a nice pairing.
Oh, there was a laptop on there.
Yeah, yeah.
Why is he putting it back so he can do it again?
Okay, never mind.
Never mind.
Oh, man.
What's Keith's Twitter?
Kate Barstool?
Round here.
I'm trying to put round here into the fucking Fleetwood Mac.
It's always on my mind.
Oh, thank you for that.
Round here.
I'm going to be a licker.
Steven, drink this beer, brother.
Water.
She says she's tired of life.
She must be tired of something around here.
Can we do karaoke now?
Horrible.
Yes.
My God.
Somebody pull up Edwin McCain.
I'm about to make y'all cry.
I'll be.
Put it on landslide.
And then Steven Che.
You want I'll be or do you want that other one?
I want I'll be.
Hey, guys, look at this helmet.
Remember Will Compton?
Oh, yeah.
The pussy.
I don't even remember him.
Honestly, it's been so long.
Oh, no.
I had a bad thumb.
Oh!
Trashed.
Yeah, I'll go to it.
I'll go to it.
Okay, can you bring me a glass of pizza?
I would love this coffee.
Thank you, Kate.
It's still a blue. It? I would love this coffee. Thank you, Kate. It's still a blue.
It's foamy-ass coffee.
What's a fish tank Friday?
Yeah, sure.
Fish tank Friday.
Is that what it's called?
Fish tank Friday.
Mirror in the sky.
Boys, let's go down the street and play skeetball.
I'm down.
Find a mountain and a...
Let's go to the break room and shoot some guns.
I've always wanted to shoot guns.
Can you shoot guns in New York?
You're going to have to go to Jersey.
Unfortunately.
Go to Jersey.
Should we get a gun and shoot it?
I would love to go.
I bought a sick-ass airsoft gun.
That would be so much fun.
Do you remember airsoft guns when you were in middle school?
That was a paintball boy.
How much fun that was.
I never really paintballed.
You have a talent right there.
Dude, you've never paintballed?
Paintballing is fun.
I've paintballed a handful of times.
Do you know what we have here, but I don't know if we can bring it in?
Remember we were talking about that salt gun that shoots the pellets of salt?
Oh, at the Bucks.
We have one here now, but could we put tiny targets up?
It was at Ken Bone's house, and he had a salt gun.
Really?
He shot a fly from across the room. Yeah, he had one too. It was at Ken Bone's house, and he had a salt gun. Really? He shot a fly from across the room.
That was there.
Yeah, he had one too.
It was the same time.
Dude, I went paintball.
It was two different times.
That was it.
I played paintball on my seventh grade birthday,
and I played with my friends and my dad,
and we were waiting to start,
and someone just shot my dad point blank in the face.
The guy got like kicked out of the whole
place. Was your dad okay?
I was so mad. The guy just was like
right in my dad.
Oh. Your dad has a lot of enemies.
Yo shout out
shout out FSU Brando
number one stoolie he's fucking
yeah he's up there.
He just DM'd me.
Incredible idea.
TJ.
I didn't get those.
Yep.
Taylor's got to play some Family Feud.
Oh, yeah, he does.
Yeah, he does.
Kyle, you got to shout out our guild, the Blue Raspberry guys in World of Warcraft.
Taylor, play some Family Feud.
Let's go.
Who are they?
Love Disc.
We could get on the Oregon Trail, too.
Jersey Jazz.
Jazz. Mustard too. Chaz. Chaz.
Mustard Man.
Of course.
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Uh-oh.
I don't know.
God brings it down.
You could karaoke that entire album.
Oh, and the landslide brings you down. Should we redo Rumors karaoke?
I don't want to do karaoke.
What I really want to do is I want to end the show and go do karaoke at an actual karaoke place.
Fuse up.
Fuse up.
All right.
You got to look alive, Taylor, because this is round one in family food.
Round one.
All right.
Name a food that you can cook as well as it's cooked in most restaurants.
Ramen.
Ramen.
Ramen.
Show me ramen.
No.
Definitely steak.
Boo, Taylor.
Boo.
Oh, that's tough.
Do I have to go?
Keep going.
DJ, Google Taylor LeJuan Wonderlick.
Chicken.
Oh, did you get on your Wonderlick?
Focus, focus.
No chance. Keep going. Cereal. C wonderlick? Focus, focus, focus. No chance.
Keep going.
Cereal.
Is that?
I don't know.
Actually, no, no, no.
Oatmeal.
No, no, no, no.
Not oatmeal.
No, no, no, no.
Not oatmeal.
No, no, no, no.
Restaurant.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Eggs.
Oh!
They made you do eggs.
That looks stupid, dude.
Let me do it again.
Let me do it again.
You are still on the next round. Oh, really? Okay. Do you know this game, bro? Oh, you have more. That looks stupid, dude. Let me do it again. Let me do it again. You are dumb.
Next round.
Oh, really?
Do you know this game, bro?
You have more strikes?
I don't know.
Pretend you know this game.
I know the game.
I'm going to eat a slice of beef.
Steak.
Pasta. Pasta.
You got the top.
No one help him.
Let's see how dumb he is.
Okay, fine.
Let's do this.
Let's do this.
21!
That's good.
Oh, no!
You said 30! That's bad. Is 21 21. That's good. Oh, no. You said 30.
That's bad.
Is 21 good?
It's good.
Oh, no, no.
Name something you trim.
Name something you trim.
Pubes.
Facial hair.
No.
Beards.
Oh, no, Taylor.
Steve Harvey would hate that.
Facial hair.
Show facial hair.
Steve Harvey would have, like, bumped his mic against his thigh.
Oh.
What? Tights under my shorts. None facial hair. Steve Harvey would have, like, bumped his mic against his thigh. What?
Tights under my shorts.
Don't need those.
Grass.
Hell yes.
Great answer.
Ass.
Okay.
Yeah, that too.
Oh!
That doesn't make sense at all.
Bushes.
This is stupid. Bushes.
Hedges.
Beard.
Okay, that's exactly what you said.
Fingernails.
Mustache.
Hair. Not grass, though? If you said. Fingernails. Mustache. Hair.
Not grass, though?
If you were to pull my Wonder Link, could you pull up all the other Combine stats?
That'd be fantastic.
No, we just saw 21.
I need to be retaken.
All right, come on.
You can win this all back.
Triple, triple.
I'm trying to take you down.
Triple points.
Triple points.
Triple points.
Name a kind of jewel a rich guy's dog might have on his collar.
What the fuck? What the fuck kind of question is this? We do might have on his collar. What the fuck?
What the fuck kind of question is this?
Can we do a different one?
Okay, here we go.
A hundred people answer this question.
Emerald.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah!
Okay.
Diamond.
Oh, here we go.
Yes, yes.
Here we go.
Who knows gems?
Yes, diamonds are forever.
Ruby.
Ooh, nice.
Who knows gems?
Pearl.
Yeah.
Clean sweep. Oh, that's all the ones I know. Ooh. James. Pearl. Yeah. Clean sweep.
Oh, that's all the ones I know.
Ooh.
Oh, come on.
Jade?
Is Jade a?
Help him, Steven.
Sapphire?
Sapphire.
Sapphire.
Sapphire.
Yes!
Go!
Perfect round.
Needed that.
You might have gotten a fast money.
You did it!
What?
Wow.
That's a fast money.
All right, you're live.
Fast money works.
Focus up. It's the best answer. You want to get the best answer for every question. You got to be You're live. How fast city works. Focus up.
It's the best answer.
You want to get the best answer for every question.
You got to be fast.
I'll say it out loud.
Name a word that rhymes with fudge.
Fudge.
Fudge.
Fudge.
God damn it.
That's great.
Name something that might ruin a bank robber's day.
The cops.
Yeah, cops.
30 seconds.
Let's go.
Name something people have all to themselves while single that they have to share when married.
Bank account.
Yes.
Bank account.
Yeah.
Great answer.
20 seconds.
Come on.
What's another word for tattle?
Snitch.
Snitch.
Wow.
Team, finish.
What do some animals look like when they pucker up for a kiss?
Duck.
Eight seconds.
Come on.
Give him something.
Your time.
It's duck.
It's duck.
Say something.
Say something.
It's duck.
Fish, fish, fish.
Fish, fish, fish.
Oh.
If fish is number one, we add the points.
It's duck.
It's definitely duck.
You think it is?
It's called duck face.
Oh, fuck.
Right.
Make it count.
Oh, no. First answer Make it count. Oh, no.
First answer.
Top answer.
Fish.
I was wrong.
Yeah, we know you were.
Why would they call it Duck Face?
Because this game was made in, like, 2000.
All right.
I'll take this point.
Taylor Luan.
What?
4, 8, 7, 40.
That's sick.
Very good.
Pinch press, 29.
Okay, hold on.
Let's pause there.
Okay.
I got 30.
They minus me one.
Okay, all right.
And what's that weight?
225?
Huh?
225.
I definitely probably could do maybe 10 now.
Okay.
30 and a half vertical jump.
Bunnies.
Yep. Raw jump, 117. That was a record at vertical jump. Bunnies. Yep.
Broad jump 117.
That was a record at the time. What's the arm length?
A record for what?
A record for the broad jump. Where would you draft him, Steven? What's the arm length?
34? 34.5.
Oh, wow. Okay.
That's very good. Anything over 34 is incredible.
I might have been
33. I might have been 33.
33.5. That's a huge difference. I over 34 is incredible. I might have been, I actually might have been 33. I might have been 33. 33 and a half.
That's a huge difference.
I know,
but hey.
Jesus Christ.
I actually don't know.
33 and 7 eighths.
33 and 7 eighths.
34.
33 and 7 eighths.
Your arm length
was our hose length
for the straws
and it's perfect.
Arm length was good enough
to get a dub on the fish tank.
Look at you, dude.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
Oh,
I was around.
Yeah, dude, fuck that guy, man. You want to see our sets, Taylor dude. Yeah. What are you talking about? Oh, no. I was around. Yeah, dude.
Fuck that guy, man.
You want to see our sets, Taylor?
You want to see us all set up?
Yeah, I want to see a pass set out of the boys.
Let me see a sass pass set right now.
I don't know what that means.
Pull up a pass set.
Brandon, show them what a pass set is.
What you would look like if you were blocking for a quarterback.
Are we drinking these coffees straight up right now?
Are we going to save these coffees?
Do you want me to do one?
I'm drinking a black. You're drinking a same. Cheers, brotherees? Do you want me to do one? I'm drinking a black.
You're drinking a black.
I'm the same.
Cheers, brother.
Cheers.
Do you want to finish it?
I'm just drinking straight.
Okay.
Let's finish it.
All right.
Peer pressure.
No, I'm good.
Did I love that?
I'm going to be wired.
It's a coffee, dude.
It's $2.50.
Wait, Nick, are you doing it?
Yes.
Yeah, he asked me once.
You know my rule.
Yes.
Don't think about yourself.
It's more of a man than me.
Think about the team.
I'll also do it.
Big Stella Blue guy myself.
All right, let's go.
Steven's part of it.
Stella Blue.
Wait a minute.
I want to do carry.
Get all that crust.
I'm all tangled.
Are we slamming this off?
We're going Silver Spring by...
Yeah.
Let's do Landslide.
Silver Spring.
Do Landslide? Oh, Silver Spring. Silver Spring. What's Landslide? Silver Spring by... Let's do Landslide. Silver Spring. Do Landslide?
Oh, Silver Spring.
Silver Spring with Landslide.
Silver Spring.
Landslide is the last song you do.
All right, are we...
Are you going to drink that coffee, Sass, all the way through?
I'm almost done with mine.
All right, then finish it up.
Shout out to Stout Blue Coffee.
Go get it right now, Stout Blue Coffee.
By the way, if you join the Stout Blue Coffee Club, I do cameos.
I just ripped through like 100 yesterday.
And I've also seen some people getting some PlayStation 5s.
Oh, yeah.
And Super Bowl.
React to me if I'm wrong.
Super Bowl.
We might be doing another golden mug.
That's not bad.
Did you see?
Explain to the listeners what the golden mug is.
It's basically I've always wanted to be like Willy Wonka.
And I do a sweepstakes where five people get a golden
mug delivered to them.
Steven. Oh, Brandon, you'll love this.
I don't know if I should say this right now.
Five? No.
NFL Blitz. The actual
like arcade?
Holy shit.
Dub Bomb? Herm Oil? We need to get one in here. We need to get one to play in here. arcade game. Holy shit. Dubb Bomb.
Hermoil.
We need to get one to play in here.
You got an arcade system?
Someone take me.
You got an arcade system.
Who do you play with?
Carl Malone, John Sockton?
I always rocked with I go Malone, Sockton, Sockton, Malone.
You know who I rocked with is Chris Mullen and –
Sweber.
Latrell.
Was it Latrell?
Did they ever play –
Oh, Richmond.
Mitch Richmond, yeah.
But just threes all day in corner.
Here's an underrated duo, Jordan and Pippen.
No, but Jordan wasn't in the game.
Oh, fuck.
That's why.
You couldn't.
Ron Harper.
You wouldn't.
Ron Harper. Yeah, Kuk wasn't in the game. Oh, fuck. That's why. You couldn't. Ron Harper. You wouldn't. Ron Harper.
Yeah.
Coup coach was in it.
I played Kobe's NBA courtside on N64, and Jordan was named roster player.
Yeah.
Why are you guys playing these?
Yeah.
I didn't know that that was fake, and I said player was my favorite player back then.
Yeah.
I'm not a shooter.
If you're a shooter, Reggie Miller and Rick Smits.
It's like how
Belichick's not in Madden right?
Yeah
That's coach
Yeah
Who else is not in Madden?
Sean Payton I think
Yeah Sean Payton
Fucking asshole
Who was?
Barry Bonds
Yeah Barry Bonds
Like LeVar Aaron
Remember the old baseball games
Like the Diamondbacks
Had a player at the end
Of their roster
Named Snake Pitt
You remember Snake Pitt?
Hell yeah He was 99 overall He was like 0-0 had a player at the end of their roster named Snake Pit. You remember Snake Pit? He was 99 overall.
He was like 0-0 linebacker.
By the way, anyone in here that was a music minor?
I was in band for like eight years, though.
Same.
By the way, our team, did you guys realize that when you asked for tape,
I brought in scotch tape?
That wouldn't have worked.
That wouldn't have worked at all.
I just drunkenly stupefied out to the desk,
and our security guard was like, give me tape.
He's like, I got scotch tape.
I don't do.
Look at these.
These look beautiful.
Let's really talk about this. What happened to this one?
Congratulations, you guys.
On the dub.
That's so huge.
Honestly, they whisper our accomplishments.
It would work.
Right, yeah. They really ran past how we just dusted them. They whisper our accomplishments. It would work. Right, yeah.
They really ran past how we just dusted them.
They whisper our accomplishments.
Oh, we have to do fart wheel.
Look at the floor.
We do have to do fart wheel, yeah.
We have to fart to get out of this show.
Roan was the glue of our team.
You were a good vibe.
You were a good...
We all put it together.
Roan, honestly, all carried on.
Everybody went hard.
Obviously, like, by the puking, everybody went hard.
You were our vibe.
You guys.
You were our vibe.
I was our vibe.
You were the chef, and you were the backbone.
Look how we all divvied up.
Dude, that's nice.
Once the tank came out, we all divvied up responsibilities and just honed in on that.
Accountability.
The accountability.
You were like, hey.
When you guys left, though.
It took your lips to hit it.
And I was like, you know what?
Yes.
And I think that took us over the top.
When you walked out, Stephen, Kate was like almost in tears, mortified with what she had done.
She's like, what happened?
What did I do?
It's a great.
No, it did taste.
But it hurt the heart.
It hurt the heart so much.
A little bit.
A little hiccup.
You have a throw up.
I just did.
I did.
I think it was OK. Hey, I'm on a heart so much. A little bit. A little hiccup? Did you have a throw up again? A throw up? No, I just did. Have you eaten pizza yet?
I think it was okay.
Hey, I'm on a no-carb diet.
I see.
I can tell, too.
I can tell.
It's working wonders for me.
Have you ever thought about doing carnivore?
Yeah.
Yeah, just now.
That very second.
Hey, you know what?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have.
How could you say that and then force his hand? Yeah, you know what? Yeah. Yeah, I have. How did you say that and then forced his hand?
Yeah, you know what?
I'm in.
Didn't it?
What you guys need to do is you need to get on almonds.
Nick, are those?
Do you have almonds?
Are those trunks?
I'm wearing trunks.
For real?
Yeah.
You have fantastic legs.
Your Nazi tattoo is showing.
Oh, no, no, no.
They're white and skinny.
No, hey, they're not scrawny.
They're nice.
No, no, no.
You should go to Reddit r slash Ricketts.
It's all photos of me.
Very fucking mean.
No, no.
You started OnlyFans with those legs.
I think you could, too.
I think they have just enough tone.
It's not overtone, but there's just a little undertone there.
And there's tattoos.
Are you done with tattoos on the legs, though?
I don't think so.
I don't think you are either.
Man, good man.
How about a spider web on the knee?
I'll let you do it. Should we all go get tattoos today? I would. I so. I don't think you are either. Man, good man. How about a spider web on the knee? I'll let you do it.
Should we all go get tattoos today?
I'll do it right now.
I would.
I would.
I would do a walk-in.
I'll do it right now.
Have any of you guys ever given a tattoo to someone?
Once the show ends, we'll take somebody.
I drew Indiana on him.
Oh, yeah.
I gave him a tattoo.
What'd you do, Rowan?
You see a tattoo machine in here.
You have one lying around.
You want to do it?
I'll do a tattoo.
Yeah.
So, let's walk in somewhere, and let's do a random word generator, and we get the first thing.
Done.
I would like to do the thing where you put the quarter in, you twist it.
Oh, that looks awesome.
Yes.
That shit looks cool to me.
It was like they have the gumball machine.
Yeah, they have flash sheets.
It's a random word.
They have flash sheets that come out, and there's a bunch of pictures, and basically
a little toy comes down down but you open it up
and it's the design
you have to get
no matter what.
That's kind of sick.
It's sick, right?
You want to go get
your first tattoo?
If it was an Asian word
I would do it.
Asian word?
Yeah, if it were
an Asian word, dude.
Give me some
American traditional.
I add to my tramp stamp.
What about like
a traditional
American traditional?
I would get bush
and evoke.
I would get evoke on me.
Hell?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese.
It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese. It's Chinese, yeah, yeah. Sure. With Chinese characters above it.
Yeah.
It's Irish for a slide.
Yeah.
You know, some football players go under anesthesia to get, like, their whole leg done.
Oh, really?
Yes.
That's kind of soft.
Wait, to knock it out all at once?
Yeah, like they, like, hit you with anesthesia like you would get, like, surgery.
Yeah.
You pass out, and, like, three tattoo artists do your leg.
Holy shit.
You wake up, and you're just fully covered.
Probably because it's more boring to sit there for eight hours than it is to-
Boring is one thing, but painful is another.
Certain body parts-
What do you guys think about people who go all the tattoos at once?
Do you think it's better to get a trickle of tattoos and slowly spread or just wake up with a sleeve?
Waking up with a sleeve, it's a big commitment,
but it's going to look better, I'd imagine.
Yeah, same flow, same flow.
I like that about it.
Taylor, when did you know that you were like,
this is more than a one or two, I'm going to get a ton of these?
I was eight years old.
Really?
I used to draw mustaches on my finger.
I don't know where the camera's at, but if you want to zoom in on that.
I used to get mustaches tattooed and then shush.
So as soon as you got your first one, you were like, oh, I'm going to get a ton of tattoos.
And then I got this little right-hand man right here, too.
Hey, man, did you watch?
Yeah, when I was little, I was obsessed with tattoos from a young age.
I want to get tattoos so bad.
Get one.
Let's get one today.
Yeah, let's go right now.
Taylor, have you ever seen Bishop Sankey's penis?
Yes.
I thought so.
Very impressive.
This is what we did to Will.
Taylor, as a tattoo guy, how important do you think apostrophes are?
Oh, I'm out.
I don't.
Have you seen me tweet?
You got a 21 in the underlick.
I have like a 21.
Not important at all, right?
That boy is dumb.
I thought 21 was good, no?
No, it's out of 40.
Oh, is it out of 40?
You said 32.
That's pretty solid.
Have you ever done a wonderlick? No, I haven't. You have Oh, is it out of 40? You said 32. That's pretty solid. Have you ever done a Wonderlic?
No, I haven't.
You have 15 minutes to do a Wonderlic.
I'm actually going to Exos in Arizona in a couple weeks.
When?
The week after the Super Bowl.
I will be there from February 4th to the 20th.
Dude, let's hang out.
Let's hang, buddy.
Oh, pals.
I think that won't happen.
Teammates and friends, dude.
The best kind of combination. Obviously buddies. No, that won't happen. Teammates and friends, dude. The best kind of combination.
Obviously buddies.
No, it was obviously pals.
For those of you wondering about the Wonderlic,
the Wonderlic is a questionnaire.
It's a multiple choice questionnaire.
You have 15 minutes to do it.
Can we do it right now, TJ?
Yeah.
Yeah, we could do the Wonderlic.
It is multiple choice.
You get points for what you get right.
So the idea is basically answer as fast as you can
that's most helpful
on the floor
but like
and this is for NFL players?
dude what the fuck
here's
what
you knew that in the back of your mind
no it's actually like
the most
it's actually the most
fucked up
this best
because all they do is
they release the highest scores
and the lowest scores
and they're like
look at this guy
he's so dumb
but when you're in the middle
dude you just fucking
I know
but like I posted it when you actually I the middle, dude, you just fucking... I know, but like...
I thought I got a 30.
I was really... My whole life
until today, I thought I got a 30. Yes.
When you actually break it down... There's a
thing like 30-30-30, which is
30 vert, 30 bench.
30. Not even
close. 20-20-20.
They can say go 40-40. They said if you do that
statistically, you have a very good career.
If you get 30-30-30, it's a really good
career. But on its
surface level, it's very fucked up because
it's basically like, everyone take a test and
we'll just reveal who's the dumbest.
They're like, oh, Vince Young got a 7.
Vince Young got hosed and Ryan Fitzpatrick
cleaned up. Right, and then they're like, oh, this guy
got a 40. How many minutes?
Are we getting tattoos today? I can't. 50 questions, 12 minutes. They say this every single day. they're like, oh, this guy got a 40. Yeah. It's how many minutes? Are we getting tattoos today? I can't.
50 questions, 12 minutes. They say this every
single day. They're like, let's go get tattoos.
I'm with us, pussy. I will actually
say it all the time. And I have tattoos
that I get that day. Let's go get tattoos
today. No one gets tattoos.
I'll go.
Jay's coming, too. This is like the equivalent of like, let's go get brunch
in the morning, dude.
We're going to get breakfast for sure.
Brunch is much more of a commitment than getting tattoos.
Honestly, the people going to Sass' three shows tonight, refund now.
I can't wait.
He's going to complain.
I hope you like bits about how much his tummy hurts.
My tummy doesn't hurt anymore.
You guys ever drink so fast your shoulder hurts?
I'm not.
I mean, people can make fun of me.
My shoulders were in so much pain.
I had gas all in my chest and my shoulders.
You,
uh,
two questions.
Are you going to be in Nashville?
And then also,
do we have any more coffee?
There's a bunch of coffee right outside,
right outside of this.
I have to get that myself.
Okay.
Bring the DeWalt on stage.
Would you,
uh,
are you guys like this bit?
Probably sometime this year. Probably not until the end of next year, honestly.
He's going to be playing the Barstool Bar down in Nashville.
When does that open, by the way?
Somebody texted me about that.
Is that actually happening?
Before the SEC Championship. Next year? No, this year. way? Somebody texted me about that. Is that actually happening? Before the SEC championship.
Next year?
No, this year.
I maybe not should have said that.
It already happened.
Oh, it's January, so I guess.
No, the basketball.
Basketball SEC championship.
So, April.
They always do the tournament in Nashville.
April?
March.
March.
March.
I probably shouldn't have said that.
Brandon has literally gotten behind the glass.
This is the only other chair.
Dude, there's a chair right here.
You're sitting in my goddamn chair.
Brandon, you want to do some sports talk really quick?
Can you get me a coffee?
How the fuck did you lose to Georgia?
To the left of the room.
Oh, Mississippi State basketball.
You know what it did, though?
Where'd it go?
Oh, I had the under.
Easy.
Oh, the easiest under ever.
But how the fuck did you lose to Georgia?
We're not very good.
We can't score.
Use the same cup.
What about what's his name?
I appreciate that.
I'm so sorry.
Hulu.
Ah, he can't shoot free throws.
We were 7 of 22 from the free throw line.
Is Brandon Walker known for, like, not getting anything right?
And just, like, that's, like, the fun part.
That is not accurate at all.
No, Brandon's actually very smart.
He actually said Michigan, he said there were frauds all year,
and then for Michigan TCU, that was his biggest play, Michigan to hammer TCU.
You look so dumb.
I do.
You guys were pussies.
Can I ask you a question?
You guys, I'm on the Titans roster.
I didn't play, but I'm on the Titans roster, dude.
What about that?
What about what?
No, I'm saying to Brandon.
Yeah, Brandon, what about that?
Steven, you sit here every day. I don't see how you
participate because I can't see half the people.
Taylor, can I ask you a question?
The
TCU-Michigan game.
I don't care about the results.
Did you watch the
broadcast? Do you feel like
you got God a little bit?
On what? RG3.
Where's the baby?
Where's the baby?
He violated you is what he's saying.
The baby hasn't come.
He hugged the hell out of you.
I hope it's a healthy baby.
I hope everything works out well.
But he said my wife is in labor and you left.
I'm not at liberty to talk about that man's business.
Okay.
I will say no more.
And I know he said on broadcast that his baby was being born.
I know that at halftime he had a flight to catch.
Hey, you look good on tape.
You hugged the hell out of him.
You dapped him up.
You sent him off on his way.
You didn't make it about you, and you had a good time.
Thank you.
Let's make our picks for this weekend.
Hey, we got Will.
We got Will.
Why?
Will's on Zoom.
While Will is coming on,
shout out to Big Cat, dude,
for just working while the Yak is going on.
Yes.
What do you mean?
You did it yesterday or two days ago
when we picked drafts.
That was impressive.
Yes.
You texted us,
Hey, can you come on?
We went on right there.
So he just texted you.
You were out there.
People get mad at me when I'm producing.
He texted you?
You're being a producer while being a talent.
People get mad at me when I'm on my phone on impressed that he texted you? You're being a producer while being a talent. People get mad at me when I'm on my phone on the act.
I'm always doing something for the act.
Oh, Sass right now is texting.
Sass is just looking.
Texting Francis.
I'm usually trying to get shit going.
Sass, do you have tattoos?
A ton.
You really?
Yeah, he's got the business tats like Kevin Durant.
Show me one.
He won't show his tats to anyone.
Are you going to get a tattoo with us today?
Yeah.
You can tell when I tell you.
He's full.
He's all full.
You said yeah, but you're good.
Oh, I'm not worried about how I look.
I'm just saying.
When I'm speaking, I'm like, wow, you sound drunk.
You're crushing it.
I feel completely fine.
I don't feel drunk at all.
I feel a little buzzed.
Taylor, rank these penises.
Go ahead.
Kendall Wright.
Solid. Dexter McCluster. Taylor, rank these penises. Go ahead. Kendall Wright. Solid.
Dexter McCluster.
Oh.
Chance Wormack.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, Chance Wormack.
Chance Wormack.
I want to know.
No, no, no.
Michael Orr.
I want to throw in a fourth.
I want to throw in a fourth.
Orr?
Is it cool if I drop a fourth in?
Go ahead.
Will Compton.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
A little boy.
Now, I will say this about Will's penis.
Will's not going to podium.
I will say this about Will's penis.
We've all seen it.
When you guys did the case race, I had a wild amount of FOMO.
But when he was in his boxers, I literally thought to myself, wow.
Like, Will's piece is looking good.
Oh, no.
That was his good day?
That was a good day?
That was a good day? That says more about me than it does about Will. Oh, no. That was his good day? That was a good day. That was a good day?
That says more about me than it does about Will.
Oh, no.
It says more about me than it does about Will.
You just said that if Joey's around, you'll fuck him.
Like, if he's...
Well, I am married with two kids, but where is he?
Where is Joey?
I mean, Joey.
I don't think Will...
Where's Joey?
Put up the Titan signal for Joey.
I don't think Will has a bad penis.
It's just the tiniest little penis.
No, it's just so small.
I don't think you just little penis.
It's precious.
You know what?
Yeah, it's cute.
If I say Will's penis is small, I'm in a lot of trouble.
No, it's cute.
We'll say it for you.
It's cute.
It's petite.
Can I get those names?
It's one of those penises you just want to like.
It's Wormat, Kendall Wright, Michael Orr.
Bishop St. Key's out.
Dexter McCluster.
Oh.
All right.
Kendall Wright, Michael Orr, Dexter McCluster, Will Compton.
You leave out Will.
I'm going to leave out Will because, only because, boy pale.
And you know, stereotypically that's how it works.
Imagining him showering next to Derrick Henry is like 850, 911 to 2001.
One's a lot bigger than the other.
I didn't get a lot of those numbers, I'll be honest with you.
That's fine.
I got them.
Thanks, man.
I would go, my number three. It's Michael Orr.
He's like 6'8".
These are all big penises.
You don't have a blind?
I have the floor.
Second place.
Give me those other two names.
Kendall Wright.
McCluster.
McCluster's like 5'8".
And Wormack.
And Adam Humphreys.
Adam Humphreys. Adam Humphreys. No, no.
Leave him.
All right.
So let me go.
I don't have Adam Humphreys.
That's a white.
Adam Humphreys is last.
For sure.
For sure.
For sure.
I knew that.
That's why you don't have to add that.
Let's go third place Chance Wormack.
Okay.
Ooh.
Second place Kendall Wright.
Okay.
And first place Dexter McCl place, Dexter McCluster.
Really?
Yes.
Look at Jay.
It's a common misconception about dudes that are small dudes.
They're like tiny guys.
Shout out Dexter.
Punch.
Big shout out, Dexter.
Hell yeah.
TJ, do you have Will?
He said he was on.
I don't see him.
He's definitely going to be like I've been on for 18 minutes right now.
There's no doubt in my mind.
He's just been chilling.
He texted me.
He said, tried to join, but no one let me in.
LOL.
That's our little prank on him.
Kate, how are you?
He's probably doing fucking drills in his backyard.
His back is fine.
Will is always grinding. He really is. He's probably doing fucking drills in his backyard. His back is fine. Will is always grinding.
He really is.
He's always grinding.
And I really don't appreciate how much you've come at him today.
I just realized that I am hammered.
Oh, I just felt it too.
Yeah.
I got that scary, like, oh, no.
Yeah.
You're on camera right now.
No, you're good.
I think you're 100% good.
Thanks, guys.
Pizza's delicious. Yeah, I're good. I think you're 100% good. Thanks, guys. Pizza's delicious.
Yeah, I don't feel
recklessly hammered.
I feel like...
Did the pizza help or hurt?
It helped.
I feel like the pizza helped.
I feel like I could get
on a bicycle right now.
Are you wearing
thermal pajamas?
Yeah, because here's
what happened.
I didn't notice.
I was going to wear...
I cut my Balls Beach
wear this summer
because ladies...
Balls Beach wear is great
for the ladies, but the shorts are a little long.
Like it looks a little funky on us.
So I cut mine and that's why the pockets go straight on through.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, so I cut mine, but then I put it on this morning to be like,
can I really wear this on the yak?
And I only shaved my ankles in the winter.
Okay.
Starting end of September until mid-May, that's it.
And I said, I don't have the time for this.
Yeah, no, totally.
I'm sorry, we're saying it out loud.
You have a permanent capri going on.
Yeah, it's like a centaur.
Yeah, like a centaur.
It looks athletic, though.
I feel like NBA players used to wear kind of like leg sleeves like that.
I didn't realize how bad that was.
I think it's a satyr, S-A-T-Y-R.
That is on two legs.
Are we doing a Wonderlic or are we bullshit?
Yeah, let's get Will on and let's do a Wonderlic.
Is Wonderlic like there's an ASVAB to join the military,
and it's like can you put the square peg in the square hole?
Can you like –
You know what we could do as a time buffer is when I was at the Combine,
I had multiple teams ask me,
how many things can you do with a paperclip in one minute?
Wait, really?
Yes, that was an actual question.
These are questions they ask you to come block 300-pound men.
At the Combine, there's two
interviews you do at the Combine. There's
the train station, which is in Indianapolis
and it's literally in train cars.
And you do like... Inside that
hotel? Very basic. Yeah, it's in the
hotel. I was hammered in that hotel once.
I missed a flight because I was getting
full.
It's like you meet with
coaches. O-line coaches are your position coach. I thought that was a or yeah yeah yeah yeah sorry it's like you meet with uh coaches
o-line coaches your position coach
oh I thought that was a still
he's dead
he just get bought
it will
there will
what's up
boys who won
we did well well
guess who won I'm did. Will, guess who won?
I'm assuming
the three-man squad.
It wasn't three-man squad.
It was me, Brandon,
and Nick.
Are you kidding me?
You guys,
how bad was it? It was bad.
It was bad. We took it to the woodshed.
You guys lost bad? No, we didn't lose that bad. It was bad. We took it to the woodshed. You guys lost bad?
No, we didn't lose that bad.
We just lost pretty bad.
Can you see the jug?
We won the important part, which was getting to the drill first.
Is that 10 seconds of drinking, maybe?
We lost pretty bad.
We probably have two gallons.
We could have used you, Will.
You let us down pretty bad because you got a fake back injury.
I know, bro.
No, this isn't fake.
I've been here.
I couldn't leave the bus yesterday.
I've been sleeping here. Oh, bro. No, this isn't fake. I've been here all... I've been here... I couldn't leave the bus yesterday. I've been sleeping here.
Oh, no.
Yeah, it looks like you got a microphone taped to your fucking vein.
No, that's an IV, brother.
Your pecs look crazy. Hey, talk...
I'm not going to lie.
It looks cute as hell right now.
Talk a little...
Talk a little closer to the IV.
I was saying, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's an IV I got in, right?
That's an IV of Toradol.
Oh.
What does Toradol do?
Who brought it to you, though?
The IV people.
I thought that Taylor brought you some Toradol.
Taylor did last night, yesterday.
Tell him.
And we were about to do an interview, and I was like, bro,
I tried getting adjusted by the chiropractor, and he couldn't get it.
And he was like, it's insane that you're even able to walk right now.
And then I told Taylor about how bad it was.
He goes, I was like, the dude said if I can get my hands on some high-end
anti-inflammatories, like some Toradol, like some Dicloflanac,
like some Indomethacin.
And Taylor went to the facility and got the boy three Toradol.
I took two.
Usually on game day you take one Tor toward all, you feel like you're
22 again. Halftime,
you take another. I dropped two toward all. Bro,
we run a podcast. I get off, I can like
fucking... Big Cat, I was talking to you.
I know you've been soiling me a lot, Big Cat.
No, I haven't. No, no, no, no, no.
He's boring you.
Oh, no, no, no.
All I said was,
all I said was... You're a pussy, that's what he stream. All I said was, all I said was. You're a pussy, Will.
That's what he said.
All I said was the rankings for a very long time were of the boys,
Will 1, Taylor 2.
I released my new power rankings.
Taylor 1, Will 2.
Hey, Will.
Oh, see, I didn't even know that.
That's even worse.
That's even worse.
Top 2.
Yeah, yeah.
Top 2.
Both top 2.
You're both top 2.
Well, he's been soiling you all day.
Oh, all day.
Well, you let the team down, Will.
I've been telling him.
I've been saying, Big Cat, stop soiling Will.
We needed you because Sass, as predicted, did not drink.
I drank.
I projectile vomited.
You don't just projectile vomit.
Nobody feels worse right now about letting the team down than me.
No, that's not true. No, that's not true.
Yeah, that's not true.
Yes, it's true.
No, Sass feels way worse.
I don't give a fuck.
Sass is a savage, dude.
Hey, Taylor even comes over late to my house last night to give me another
tour.
Right.
To try to get on the flight.
Where can I get my hands on?
All I know is, Will, you were sitting up in the car.
When you got a back injury, you can't sit up.
What do you mean?
You can sit.
You can sit.
You can stand.
You can sit.
Will, Will, obviously doesn't understand what it's like to go through adversity like you have, my brother.
Like we have.
Like you are a fucking dog.
Don't let him talk to you.
Will, we played today.
He's only been on the mic his whole life.
He doesn't know what it's like to be a stud like you, bro.
You're a fucking dog, Will.
Will and I played the same.
Tell him, kid.
Hey, you're 10 to mentality.
Let's go, dog.
To mentality, dog.
I was looking at you.
All right, shut up.
Get the fuck out of this shit.
Get the fuck out of this shit.
You crazy kid.
Let him know.
What?
What? You have a back injury, you fraud. What the fuck? Fine. Let him know. What? What?
You have a back injury, you fraud.
It was a ruse.
Will and I played for the exact same amount of teams this year.
Wow.
It's a fact.
Yeah, but what about the last ten years?
Oh, we don't count those.
What about the last nine years?
Look at him.
Look at him.
Take your pants off.
No, no, no.
No, no. Will, take your pants off. Take your pants off. Take your pants off. No, no, no. Take your pants off.
Take your pants off.
Look at that stud.
Alright, you know what, Will?
You're back to one.
Will's one, Taylor's two.
Jay, pull up a one pixel sensor bar.
And that went back at you.
How the fuck did that happen?
Look at this stud.
Look at him go.
We should put up a R-rated on YouTube.
It looks like Alec Jones in the after picture.
Taylor, or Will, the craziest part about today is we found out you're like Stephen Chay
and you walk around with poop in your butt all the time.
What?
Did we find that out?
Yeah, he said he's a standing wiper.
BC, I know you're drunk, brother, but last time I was at HQ,
we talked about this on the Yacht.
Oh, shit.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You know I'm a standing wiper.
You're not drunk.
Will, I don't know if you've been watching the Yacht,
but Dan drank the least amount of his whole team.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Sass definitely drank the most. of his whole team. Sass definitely
drank the most. Yeah, by far.
Best part is no one can actually tell.
It is.
We should. Can we please get more coffee?
I will say, I watched. Bill, did you see the
puke? I saw the
photos. I love the snot bubbles. You gotta watch
the puke. It was very funny. Taylor
Rohn and I, just boys in arms,
just puking in the same bucket.
That's chest. Taylor, what's the...
Taylor, what's going on with you and Joey?
Camasta?
Yeah. It's complicated.
Hey, listen.
I mean, you know,
I'm married, boss, but like
when these cameras turn off, I don't know what's gonna happen.
It's a whole new story.
I don't know what's gonna happen. He told us to keep Joey away from him.
And I did say that, but I will also say that when I saw him today,
real tired after a flight just to get here just to do this,
I saw him with a mustache, and I thought, oh, fuck.
He had makeup on, to be fair.
He had a shoot this morning.
Did he have makeup on?
Yeah, he had a shoot this morning.
I don't want to air you out, so I'll speak in riddle,
but I did walk in on you fucking the shit out of you.
Fucking the ever-living shit.
Whatever that could be.
It's cryptic.
Hey, the thing that's crazy is that that riddle doesn't make sense
because it was fucking anybody, you know?
No, no, no.
I'll let you read between the lines of what I said.
I'm married with two kids, but yeah.
I would take him down.
Or get tooken.
Whatever it is.
Love is love, bro.
But we miss you, Will, dude.
I wish you were out here, dude.
Dude, I do have FOMO.
My FOMO is pretty high.
I know.
But it was like that.
It was like that last night in the group chat,
the way you guys were going hard on me in the group chat.
I was defending my life in a couple different situations last night.
See, it wouldn't have been like that if you were over here.
Honestly, on this team, we really had positive vibes.
He picked his own team.
What's been surprising is, like, I don't know,
sometimes I feel like I can see through Big Cat a little bit,
the way he, like, flips.
But I came back to your side.
I know exactly. You're just proving it. Like, we were to your side we i i know exactly you're just
like we were texting one-on-one and you're like oh brother hey willis like i don't feel like i
don't play the back what happened big cat's been soiling you the whole day
he's two a minute come on he's like all right no no will's back to will's back to what happened
was will texted me and i I was like, dude.
I tried calling you first.
Yeah, I've had bad.
I told you.
My son just doesn't want to go to sleep anymore, so I was dealing with that.
But I defended you because back injury's the worst.
But then when you told Sasson and Nick, I had to flip it on you for a minute,
but I came back to your side.
Maybe you guys should try not being so fucking old.
That's fair.
That's a fair point.
You'll never think of that.
A lame-ass back problem.
That's a very interesting thought.
Yeah.
Got him.
Sass, we're the same age.
Boy, throw on a heating pad.
How old are you?
Very fair point.
How old are you, Sass?
Sass, you guys are the same age.
21.
Same.
What are you talking about?
The worst part is that for the NFL, that's believable.
Taylor's got the same age as his Wonderlic.
Well, that's a fake news shit that I had a 30 on that thing.
You did miss that where we asked Taylor his Wonderlic,
and he said, like, 30s, and then we looked it up,
and he got a 20.
No, I said 30, Will.
No, I said 30.
You rounded up.
I wonder what Will got the 30.
Can we look that up?
What Will got on the Wonderlic?
Yeah.
Did you take it?
Did you take the Combine?
I was going to say I didn't take the Wonderlic.
I was a Combine guy.
Oh, no.
That's because you're a dog.
That's more impressive, to be honest.
Will is all bald, dude.
It would have been so high.
He's all bald.
Oh!
Oh, shit!
Holy fuck!
Look at that.
God damn, with a hurt back.
Hey, Willie, are you disappointed that we won?
That my team dominated the competition?
We did.
We can't get any flowers?
We got dominated.
No, because I wasn't there.
I'll tell you what the issue was.
Brandon Walker, I don't know if he's still here.
He fucking had a bunch of Chick-fil-A and a sweet tea before.
Also, zoom in on the pizza sauce on his chin.
I farted.
I can go.
Oh, wait.
You got to do it in the mic.
You got to do it in the mic.
It has to be.
I'm farting.
I'm farting.
Do it in the mic.
It says.
You hear it?
It says.
No, I didn't hear it.
No one heard it.
Can we play mine back?
I farted.
It was fully silent.
Oh, really?
That'd be easy. Who's over there? Who's over play Mom Back? I farted. It was fully silent. Oh, really? That's all they're doing. That'd be easy.
Who's over there?
Who's over there?
JP?
Jack, yeah.
The boys are back there.
They're back there crying.
Hey, yo-ho.
Put JP on the mic.
Underrated Twitter follower, JP.
Put on JP one time.
JP, they're calling for you on the mic.
Who called for JP?
Sash said, hey, put JP on the mic.
Sash said it?
I didn't say that shit. What are you talking about? Or Nick, or one of the boys that put JP on the mic. I didn't say that shit.
What are you talking about?
Or Nick.
What are the boys that put JP on?
You're being summoned.
Hey, take your shirt off.
Yeah, take your shirt off.
Classic safe work environment.
Take your shirt off.
Hey.
Wow. They were you said all. So. Tell them to pop the top. Hey. Yo.
My boy. Come on out.
Wow.
They really, they were calling for you.
They said put JP on.
I don't believe it.
Somebody, yeah.
Somebody was.
No, we were.
Shout out JP.
He was calling for me.
Sassonate.
Shout out JP.
Rome was too.
Dude, legends.
Sass.
Yeah, Rome was calling.
Yeah, there's your guy.
Sass.
What shoes are you wearing, JP?
My new shoes.
You saw the video?
Yeah, I saw the old ones.
Ooh.
A lot of tread.
A lot of tread.
Come on now.
Beat those things up, though.
What do we got?
Six more years?
They're already dirty.
Just six more years in those shoes.
You'll be good to go.
Hey, Ron had a whole bit today about how New York shoes
don't do as well as, like, L.A. shoes.
Same with Nashville.
Nashville shoes are the same as L.A. shoes.
Everybody's driving around in Nashville, driving around in L.A.
We have to walk.
Our shoes are cooked in New York.
Oh, I heard that part.
I heard that part.
All right, get out of here.
I heard that part.
That was a whoopee cushion-esque.
That sounded like someone ripping an nylon.
He's a broken man. Taylor told me today he just wears Vans all the time. I respect the fuck out of here. Get out of here. I heard that. That was a whoopee cushion ass. That sounded like someone ripping nylon. He's a broken man.
Taylor told me today he just wears Vans all the time.
I respect the fuck out of it.
Just being like, I got one shoe and that's what I do.
And they're clean.
They look cool too.
Vans and Converse.
Those are my shoes.
It's like the Green Bay Power Sweep.
You got one play.
Just run it.
Just run it over and over.
Just run that thing.
No one's stopping it.
What tattoo are we getting today?
Fucking JP. That son of a bitch. That one's stopping it. What tattoo are we getting today? Fucking JP.
That son of a bitch.
That son of a bitch.
Will, we would have won if you weren't here.
If you were here.
If he wasn't here, he would have been a blowout.
If he were here, we would have won.
He would have been a blowout.
I will say this, Will.
Taylor put on a fucking show.
He did.
No, no.
Because I know it wasn't Roan.
It was a team experience.
No, Taylor put on a fucking show.
Hey, guys.
Taylor won MVP.
Roan's had eight beers. Roan's had that. It was a team experience. Taylor put on a show. Hey, guys. Taylor won MVP. Roan's had eight beers combined
in both case races.
I can't live up to. Taylor put on a show.
That's not true. I'll admit it.
If it's not true, let me ask this question.
Taylor, you don't answer. Go ahead.
This is how you know Taylor's a drinker.
You drink, and then Taylor
wants to drink more.
He wanted to do
yes i wanted to do a case race after the tank race yeah no he was a pro no no no no no no
he showed up hold on big cat big cat hold on will has obviously watched the stream and then he
fucking zoomed in like he's just he's just playing into the narrative that he already knows is
happening yeah he true he zoomed in, bro.
I suck at drinking.
If you were to chug right now, I would get dusted.
Will doesn't understand what he's using right now.
Will, you're on Zoom.
Wait, let me talk to JP for a second.
Hey, Will, how's your back?
It's getting better.
Can we talk to JP?
How much better?
Ask Kate Hill for backhands after Carrie. JP, is Will a good boss, or is he like an Ellen DeGeneres type figure?
No looking in the eyes.
Like Nicki Minaj.
Y'all want the truth?
Yeah.
Will is the best boss ever.
What the hell was that?
Are you bribing him?
You're bribing him? Are you bribing him?
Will, can I ask you a question?
Yeah. If the playoffs started today, would you have
played?
What do you mean?
That's a very simple question. Can I say something?
Great beard swipe right there. That was a great beard.
If the playoffs started today,
would you have found a way on the
field? Dude, the Atlanta Falcons aren't in the playoffs.
I'm just asking.
Oh, you're saying with my back.
Yeah.
A couple more.
Torridol.
I know.
I don't think I could have played today. All right, that's a good answer.
Good answer.
I was going to be mad at you if you said yes.
Wouldn't have had a.
Big cat.
Listen, listen.
Like, yeah, it's gotten a little bit better today.
I sat in the sauna earlier and made it feel a little bit better.
But Taylor was at the house last night.
Your boy was fucking down.
Down.
I know.
So say you're – what about the Super Bowl?
Say Taylor brings over a couple more tryptophanes.
What do you do?
A little more tryptophanes.
Some Zoloft.
Yes, Super Bowl.
Super Bowl, you got to die out there.
So even if I couldn't function, you got to dress and go out there and try and die a warrior's death.
He's just rattling tryptophan.
It's like a bunch of tryptophan.
Will, it's Nick Terani here, Barstool Sports.
I don't know if you've been watching the stream.
Taylor said his dick was bigger than Quentin Spain's.
Nick's search for Quentin Spain's. I don't know if i've seen quinn spain's the best
is that nick by the end of this show is just gonna have the entire tennessee titans depth
quinn spain went to wvu i knew quinn spain hey i'll tell you this though i'll tell you this
though taylor's lost like 50 pounds and his has gotten a little bit bigger okay yeah that was
you lost 15 pounds, Taylor? Will.
50.
50 pounds?
He just threw the Nebraska helmet in the trash.
You lost 50 pounds?
He actually did.
He just threw the Nebraska helmet in the trash, Will.
I know, but you got to understand, like, I know you guys are a little.
You guys are a little.
No, no, Will, Will, Will.
He literally threw the Nebraska helmet in the trash.
He actually just threw it in the trash.
Did somebody take it out?
No.
Want to see me take it out right now?
So I can prove that it's in there?
It won't get off.
Boys, I got to pee.
Oh.
Will, watch this.
I'll go grab it from the trash.
Everyone go pee.
Watch this.
This is Will's solo podcast.
Let him see it.
Big Cat, what's the deal with the soiling?
We were literally connecting on
a real level.
I'll explain it.
You and I were connecting, and then
when we brought in
Sass and Nick on the text chain,
and they were like,
dude, you're a pussy?
I had to give you a little gulp.
Big Cat, you started that. You started the pussy thing.
Maybe, maybe.
But then did I not come back around?
Not really.
Yeah, I did.
I said it.
What I said, I was like, his back is really hurt.
And his pussy too.
Exactly, yeah.
They're both injured.
Well, he was.
I know.
It was a good time seeing all the text.
Fucking stats getting in the mix.
Nick.
It was like Nick had my back at but also it was talking about Will.
Will's probably fingering himself right now, but I won't fucking stay for all this.
The best was Nick at midnight.
He had gone silent for four hours, and he just texted.
He's like, I just woke up from a nightmare that Will was being a pussy.
Hey, would it be fair if Will got like 12 beers
And tried to finish them as fast as he could while we're on the act?
Oh, we could put that picture in a picture
I think if Will drank right now
Oh
Chug it
Chug the whole thing
Chug the whole thing
That's about what we drank
Chug the whole thing
And for those of you wondering
That whiskey that Will held up
Will,
pull it back up. I just fucking farted
and I didn't even remember.
Pull the whiskey back up.
It was a loud one.
That is,
they bust them with the boy select.
Yes,
go buy it.
Back whiskey.
Love it.
That stuff in the wintertime
makes you warmer,
cools you down.
In the summertime,
it's the only liquor
that will literally change
with the seasons with you
to make you feel good internally.
Great.
That is an incredible situation.
Great tailgating liquor.
It's a great tailgating liquor.
Great tailgating liquor.
Another thing about that liquor is some states they don't ship to.
Hey, see a friend, tell a friend.
You've obviously lived this world.
Go find somebody.
They live in a different state.
It ships to their state.
Ship it to them.
They ship it to you.
It's people helping people.
That's powerful stuff.
Get you some Whistle Pig Bustin' with the Boys liquor.
That is a big deal. I hate the shameless
plug, but I'm going to keep plugging. Oh, you got to do it.
That's my second one. Just keep on fucking
plugging, brother. Yeah, but now, and now
Thank you for recognizing me. And now for
something really cool, Will's going to chug this whole
bottle. Will, show us a big
time shot. A big
boy shot. I want to see the difference in the bottle.
Will, this is a bad idea. Can you do
this with an IV in?
Is that how that works?
I don't think you can be drinking with
an IV.
Look at that. That feels like a terrible
idea.
Why is it looking like a tripod?
That's the IV.
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid bit.
That was good. Alright. That's the IV. We tried just fucking. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid bit. Stupid bit.
Don't laugh at that.
Oh, that was good.
I'm going to pee so bad right now.
All right.
I know.
I feel bad for him.
I'm going to pee.
Go pee.
I just like to pee.
How far can you run into a forest?
I want to watch how much he drinks.
You got to answer.
All right.
That's where it's at.
Let's get below the letters, Will.
Oh, God.
Well, don't kill yourself.
Don't flinch.
Don't flinch, kid.
And this is your whiskey. Oh, he's chugging hard. Hey, year't kill yourself. Don't flinch. Don't flinch, kid. And this is your whiskey.
Oh, he's chugging hard.
Hey, year 10 is just a mentality.
This is your drink, dude.
He's chugging hard.
Four different shows lose their sponsorships in one day.
Smooth.
Smooth.
Goes down your throat smooth like a hammock in a backyard, boy.
He didn't even wince.
No.
Not even once.
I do miss you guys.
I wish I could.
I wish I could.
My hands around you.
Well, you could have been here.
Hey, Will.
You had a flight.
Will, when you get up here, we have a whole bathroom of tampons and pads for you.
Holy shit.
That's my star player.
That's my star player right there.
Hey, just make sure there's some dark chocolate
And some good period tunes
Alright I will
Willie I have been singing your praises
I have been defending you this whole entire day
Except for when he threw your helmet
In the trash
Yes you got that out
Yes I got it out
That's nothing more than a bus and bull rivalry
Because I love Will
If Will was here and he didn't put a Michigan helmet in the trash I'd be wondering what's going on with Will out that's that's nothing more than a bus and bull rivalry because i love will knows if will
was here and he didn't put a michigan helmet in the trash i'd be wondering what's going on with
will whoa taylor taylor hang on brother what are we talking about we're in the off season you're
throwing the nez brask helmet in the trash no but i'm just getting ready for next year boss
now we'll say this how hard is that liquor? Will, Big Cat has been
soiling you.
Ruthless against you today.
Trust me, hey,
literally,
when you guys started the stream
and I got on,
I poked my head on Twitter,
mentions full about how soft I am.
I was like, oh my God.
Listen, Will.
Will, I had to do it
for my own team
because we had to be like,
look, next man up.
We got to go hard.
I haven't heard about how soft you are.
I know.
It didn't work.
I'll tell you what, Will.
It did work for a while because we got to the bottom of the line faster than them.
We got hung up on the construction of the team.
Will, all that means is they were winning the second quarter.
Yeah.
That's all that means.
We were winning.
We were up on the second quarter.
We had them in the first half. The game ended ended and then you know what happened the squad the under fuckin dogs bad
Oh handled it. Oh if you were here dog. No, oh down my we would have let me finish this thought
Well big cat has been soiling you the entire day backs fucking killing
Through the mud. Yep, let me put you. The amount of soil. Grabbing you through the mud.
Yep.
Literally put you in the water and waited for the bubbles to stop. I was just holding your head down.
He was killing you, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, straight soil.
I defended you the entire time.
Not really.
I said, all I've said was it's a tough look for Will that he's not here.
However, I understand.
I know what back pain's about.
You love the rankings.
Whoops. You love the rankings. You love the rankings.
Hold on.
I see you come back on and I've seen you
do very athletic movements
very quickly.
I'm starting to wonder.
I'm just starting to wonder.
Was he scared?
Oh no.
You took my back injury fake now.
Oh no.
I feel like you could have made that flight the way you're acting right now.
Oh, no.
Just because I got personality?
My God.
Because you got personality.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Just because I got a smile on my face?
You think like I'm just trying to bring the body right now?
I saw you take your shirt off.
You were flexing and shit.
Starting to feel like Taylor is Will.
Prove him wrong, Will.
I need this.
Prove him wrong.
I'm not coming at you.
I'm not coming at you.
I'm just questioning a couple of things.
How could you prove him wrong by being 10 points?
You were shaking your wits or something.
I'm going to need you out in New York tonight.
Get on the flight tonight, Will.
Jack, come around here and grab my phone.
No, bro.
Come around here and grab. No, bro.
Will's got the whole bus with the camera.
Really quick.
Really quick.
What month is your birthday?
Oh, look, he's making faces.
I knew our periods were syncing up.
You two are moon cycles. That's my moon cycles.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
What is he doing?
If he does like a Willy Wonka backflip. Moon cycles. Yeah. Girl? Oh, no. What is he doing? Oh, he's going to walk out of the bus.
If he does, like, a Willy Wonka backflip spin.
Hey, how good does that bus look, though?
There it is.
What happened to the IV?
What happened to the IV?
That bus does look cool as hell.
He finished it.
He's going to pull a Willy Wonka.
If he does that.
That upside-down hourglass right there.
Oh, look at him.
Oh, man.
He's so injured.
Oh, my God.
I'll shut the fuck up.
Oh, my word. What? shut the fuck up. Oh, my word.
What?
What?
He hits a gritty.
What the fuck?
Here, hold that.
Hold that.
Will, ten push-ups.
Ten push-ups.
Yeah, yeah.
Ten push-ups.
Oh, we talking about push-ups?
What the fuck is this?
One.
You're not hurt, you liar.
Oh, no, he's free.
Four.
He's come back.
Six.
Will Compton healed him.
Seven.
Eight.
You know what that is?
That's the thing.
Nine.
He could only do nine.
He's hurt.
The Russell Pig that healed him.
Oh, no.
He could only do nine.
He's hurt.
We're glossing over the meanest thing that was said today,
and that was Taylor confirming that Will's penis for Kate's race, too,
was a good dick dick.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
No, see, that's just taking my words out of context.
Will's got a nice penis, bud.
Yes.
I'm just letting you know.
What do you mean by nice?
Like it's kind and holds the door open for you?
No, no, no.
It's a boyfriend.
Yeah, right.
It's a nice guy you want to settle down with. My penis in high school was voted most huggable. Okay, yeah, yeah, no. It's a boyfriend. Yeah, right. It's a nice guy you want to settle down with.
My penis in high school was voted most huggable.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a nice cock.
It said God bless you after I sneezed.
Will's got a nice deal.
Overachiever.
I saw that thing in Michigan one time, and I was like, God damn.
That boy really got something going on.
And then when I saw that-
It went down in Michigan.
How'd you see it in Michigan?
Huh?
We were at- Ann Arbor's house. We were at the Brown Jug in Ann Arbor,
and they have these troughs with ice scattered around
when you pee on the ice.
And I looked over, obviously,
and I saw that thing and I thought to myself,
damn, good for the boy.
Hey, he did look over.
As a matter of fact, he took a picture.
His wife must be happy.
I've seen KB's dick.
That thing's nutty.
Who's?
Isles.
He's got cauliflower shaft.
Yeah, I will.
Taylor, you still got the photo?
Of what?
His dick from that trough.
Yeah, I'll show it right now.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Just show Nick.
Well, I've had enough.
Just show Nick.
Just show Nick.
I've had enough drinks.
I'll show the penis.
Hey, why do I have Nick?
Why do I have Nick?
Just show Nick.
Just show Nick. Just show Nick. I got you. Just show Nick. I've had enough drinks. I'll show the penis. Why do I have Nick? Just show Nick.
Just show Nick.
Hey, say it last, amigo.
I got you.
Just show Nick.
I wonder if I can get to it.
Just show Nick. Let's get it over with.
What happened to KB?
I have no idea.
Nick, go over and look over Taylor's shoulder.
Nick, hold on.
Give me a second.
I'm going to be honest.
Wait, who is that kissing it?
I don't want this pressure.
That's a lot of pressure for me.
May.
Wait, why are they holding it like a corn on the cob?
Will.
Nick, why do you just do what everyone tells you?
Yeah, you pussy.
Will.
Will.
Will, real talk, we would have won with you.
We would have.
We would have won with you.
Brandon.
I do feel good.
Hey.
No, Will could go into his mouth.
You really think Will would have drank that much more alcohol?
No, we need you.
We need you, Will.
Okay.
Hey, Big Cat, Sass, Nick, you guys can sleep well knowing they have an asterisk next to their W.
Facts.
Facts.
Hey, they don't ask how.
They ask how many, bud.
We fucking got the dub today.
We worked on our fucking number one vibe guy to my right, Roan.
Let's go.
Handled that shit.
Our number one drinker, Kate.
Kate.
That's right.
And our backbone of our fucking team.
Even Che.
Even Che.
Number one Asian.
Honestly, I'm excited to see how Kate performs in the case race.
Yeah.
I think people underestimate me.
I think they do.
Definitely.
I truly do.
He's got that dog.
I said it yesterday when he drafted you.
Steal the draft.
Steal.
Yeah.
Kate, I'll say this.
You sound completely sober. And when he drafted you. Steal the draft. Steal. Yeah. Kate, I'll say this. You sound completely sober.
And I'm telling you, I was like jugging the whole time.
I'm on my second coffee or third.
I think the throwing up sobered you up a good bit.
I didn't throw up.
No, watching other people.
Oh, oh.
It scarred you.
I do feel like I started to feel like how when I got home from the war.
Yeah.
That's how I felt.
You got home from the war? Yeah. I didn't feel that how when I got home from the war. That's how I felt. You got home from the war?
Yo, that is so savage.
I feel like how I felt when I got home from the war.
The war.
What do you know about the war, bitch?
Don't soil him, Sash.
Don't soil him.
Don't think Kate's back hurt when she was defending our country?
Did you put America on her shoulders? She's here right now.
My team coming after me again.
Everybody has soiled you.
I'm done.
Except for a couple people.
I'm going to soil.
You have no team, Will.
Will.
Hey, the best part is when Taylor wants to say whatever story he's telling.
He's like, Will, Big Cat, he's been soiling you the whole time.
Dragging you through the mud.
Hey, Will, that's fucking crazy, dude.
I'm saying it's funny, bro.
I'm saying it's funny.
You know what the truly best thing is?
Stepping back on American soiled.
Will, I think we need to do a rematch with you here.
I really, yeah.
I would like that.
You're like the squad, dude.
Sober, sober, sober.
A little bit drunk, but I'm a lightweight.
The rest of my squad, chilling.
Who had the most fun?
I think our squad, by the way.
I feel like I had a great time.
Yeah, I don't know if anyone had a lot of fun.
You did an amazing job.
I had so much fun.
Look at Chase, self-satisfactory, smug.
Oh, I hate it.
This is how I wanted it to be.
This is what I wanted, and it was a delight.
No, dude, unless Stephen's tried fighting anybody,
it ain't a fucking race, bro.
That's why I got him, Will.
That's why I got him. Guys. That's why I got him.
Guys, not a compliment, Will.
And like now the booze is like-
There it is.
But Taylor,
like what a positive, lovely guy.
Like what a just great-
You, Will,
this is what you robbed us of.
Luan's gay ass?
Hey!
This is what you robbed us of, Will.
This is why we needed you.
They think Taylor's awesome.
Positive.
Dude, that's our squad.
Positive.
Guys, I'm telling you, it divides even more.
If they love Taylor and you hate me, it doesn't work out well for us.
Will.
Taylor and I are going to get tattoos.
Hey, I'm 100% getting a tattoo today.
Walking to go get tattoos after this.
Right here on my cheek.
Taylor.
Right here.
My bad, Ben.
Teardrop.
A little teardrop.
Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa.
Will, what the fuck is that?
What is that?
He's on the ground right now.
Oh, no.
He is farting, isn't he?
Look at those teeth, dude.
Great teeth.
$20,000 teeth.
Worth every penny.
$14,000.
$14,000.
Worth every penny.
When Will showed me his teeth.
Hook me up with your guy.
I got you, brother.
I'm in Nashville.
Is there an original tooth photo? Let's see your teeth. Smile. Yes. I me his teeth. Hook me up with your guy. I got you, brother. Come to Nashville. Is there an original tooth photo?
See your teeth.
Smile.
Yes.
I got decent teeth.
Okay, there is an original tooth photo.
Where?
Look up Nebraska or the Redskins.
Redskins teeth.
Yeah.
No.
No, we're not doing that.
We're not doing that.
That video that you posted the other day of you sacking the quarterback,
you could tell the teeth were a little out of shape.
Will sent me a video the other day.
It was just him laying in bed.
He said, shh.
He went under the covers, and I just saw his ass, and he farted right there.
We owe the yaks some farts.
All three of you guys need to fart.
Will's got a fantastic ass.
I'm working one up.
That pizza was a lifesaver, by the way.
Yeah.
Just so you know.
I did feel better even after just a half slice.
I thought it was going to make me feel shitty.
I was worried about the cheese and the carbohydrate.
Oh, man.
I felt like a new person.
You were making love to that.
BC, hey, BC, when's the next opportunity?
Whenever you just say the word.
We should have won this.
Hey, Will, why don't you come here?
We should have won this. Come here tomorrow and we'll do it again.
Saturday show.
Saturday show.
Monday show.
Would you guys be down?
Fuck it.
I'm down.
I mean, I'm available.
Here's my only thing.
I want to see you guys wake up tomorrow and then if we share the same sentiment, I'll get on the first flight out.
Will, Will, Will, I will do this again, buddy.
Wait, your back is already better?
This is so much fun.
It's not better.
Yeah, you're right.
My back is a little hurt.
Buddy, could you get on a flight today, though?
If you had to stand the whole time.
Today?
Yes.
I wouldn't today.
I would tomorrow.
Well, tomorrow morning, the same flight I got on.
Probably.
I mean, probably.
You remember our conversation yesterday.
Buddy, I don't want to relive that.
Yeah.
The tough part, too, is adding a flight into the back.
I thought it flares up.
Oh, shit.
Yeah. Look at shit. Yeah.
Look at them.
Did you find the Will penis pic?
No, I couldn't find his penis.
Taylor, not because I want it to be out there, but maybe look around March 18th.
Maybe look around the March 18th date.
Not that I want you to show everybody, but look around the March 18th date.
March 18th, he said.
For what?
For the dick.
On the spring tour.
All right.
That's when his dick was out Will when we were walking
Taylor and I were walking down the street
To go get some Tito's
To add some extra booze
To these
To these fish tanks
And someone stopped Taylor
They're like
Dude don't you have a podcast?
And they were super gassed up
Just to see him on the streets of New York
Your guys names ring bells
Maybe you could talk a little bit about, like,
what it took to, like, build Bustin' with the Boys
and, like, what the journey's been like
through the entire time.
Grit.
Yeah.
Determination.
Wow.
You know, just, you know, vision.
This is just a Chevy ad read.
That's totally a Chevy ad read. Steven, you're right, bro. This is just a Chevy ad read. That's you're right.
This is one of those times.
Like it took a lot of power to get where we are.
Edie powers.
Favorite podcast.
Yeah.
I hate it too,
because Ron and I almost got too close in Arizona because people started to,
to,
to plant seeds in my brain that Roan isn't
always the most genuine.
Like sometimes it's just like he's setting you up.
Roan?
I know.
I personally hate it because I think Roan's one of the nicest,
most genuine dudes out there.
But I'm telling you, Big Cat, we got late in the night and I was really
like trying to figure him out.
I'm like, yo, do you mean what you say?
I know.
It's messed up.
They're trying to drive a stake.
If you don't want to be friends, we don't have to be friends. It doesn't matter. I will say. I know, it's messed up. They're trying to drive a stake. If you don't want to be friends,
we don't have to be friends.
It doesn't matter.
I will say, I had to sit down
with Roan, and it was like a real nice
heart-to-heart career, everything
that. It was like,
yo, it stays between these walls.
I appreciated that. Next day,
everybody knew.
I remember the last time I went to Roan for personal advice,
it was when I was going to ask for a raise.
You got it, you got it, you got it.
I still get ridiculed to this day for asking for a raise.
I remember you asked me too, and I was like,
if people knew how much money Roan told me to ask for,
they would be blown away.
That's how much he believes in you, dude.
Then I was like, dude.
Say how much.
I was like, he said no.
And Roan was like, I don't know, man.
He just walked away.
Cut camera to Blattman ass.
Oh, yeah.
How much was it, Sass?
Go ahead.
Like two mil.
And what, you don't think he deserves that will or what? No, yeah. How much was it, Sass? Go ahead. Like two mil. And what, you don't think he deserves that will or what?
No, no.
I think he very much deserves every penny.
Oh, now who's disingenuous?
Wow.
I'm just saying.
Under the microscope.
Under the microscope.
Nick, like one day I woke up and I had a text in the morning right when I woke up.
And it was like, hey, brother, woke up this morning thinking about
Bust with the Boys.
I think you guys are going to be absolutely massive this year.
Can't wait to see what you guys do.
I know it's going to be awesome.
And that hit me.
I was like, damn, Roan's a good dude for saying something like that.
But then Caleb Presley starts playing stuff in my head at the Arizona
ballroom.
Is Roan really about what he says or is he just kind of like playing with everybody?
Who knows Roan better than Caleb?
He just plays chess the whole time.
No, if he said something like that, he meant it.
Listen.
Who can you believe, Will?
Listen.
Roan wants for a favor here very soon.
Who can you believe?
He's always asking for handouts.
Roan, I really, like, I believe you.
All I'm saying is now
the fact that that's been that poison's
been put in my head when you are complimenting
me I can't help but just to go there in my
mind you ate the rat poison
I fucking ate the rat poison a little bit
and what do they tell you about the
rat poison I gotta fart but I think I might be
a shit but I'm just gonna go for it rat poison
they say like Roan's the worst
advice giver of all time.
No, if I have any question, I go to Roan.
Roan gives great advice. If I have any question, I go to Roan.
Oh, God, that was gross.
Alright, Will, should we keep you on?
We're going to do some karaoke. That was worse than a loud fart.
That was so gross.
I gotta get out of here.
That was KB's airsoft gun
I gotta get out of here in an hour
So I had to get it over with
Will do you want to get your reopen?
This has been more than enough boys
I've had a great time
It's good hearing some of your guys' drunk voices
But keep putting them down
You gotta go back to laying on the couch
I appreciate that extra slander
Don't we pay you a salary?
I'm just fucking around.
A little bit.
I'm just soiling you, bro.
All right, Will, we would have won with you.
We would have won with you, honestly.
I don't know what to believe anymore, Big.
No, I mean, Brandon's gone.
Brandon's gone.
I don't know where Kyle is either.
I think they both left.
Someone's in the bathroom, though.
Kyle could be taking a long shit.
Hey, Will, I truly believe if Brandon Walker wasn't here today,
I would have not cared as much about winning.
Yeah, you did.
Why'd you care so much?
Taylor did tell me before.
He was like, the only person I really want to beat in this office is Brandon Walker,
so you guys did me a favor.
He hates facts.
We had it out.
They hate each other. Taylor, I know you would is Brandon Walker, so you guys did me a favor. He hates facts. We had it out. They hate each other.
Taylor, I know you would have had that look in your eye
no matter what, brother.
I know the competitor you are.
But Brandon was his why.
I appreciate you, Willie.
That was his why.
All those GMs watching out there, thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
Pittsburgh Steelers.
Hey, how about you-know-who texting right at the perfect time?
Yup.
I know.
Yup.
Yup.
They were soiling on everybody when they did.
Soiling.
Goddamn soil storm.
We'll keep that between us, though.
You-know-who.
That motherfucker.
We'll keep that in house, though.
I can't wait to get my hands on him.
As for us to know, or her.
It's pretty obvious, isn't it, Dan?
You don't know?
KB, come sit in with us.
Brandon's out of here.
So lost.
All right, Will.
Let's do some karaoke.
All right, I love you guys, man.
Love you.
Any requests for karaoke before you go?
You know what, Mr. Brightside? Oh, Jesus. Love you. Any requests for karaoke before you go? You know what?
Mr. Brightside.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, what a song.
What a gay-ass song that is.
What do you mean, Seth?
That's a great song.
He's not wrong.
That'll get the vibes up.
What about Feeling This by Blake Winnie, too?
That's a cool one.
Where do we go right now?
Feeling It.
Yeah.
The air is so cold.
Take your hand in mine.
We did it in Nashville. It was actually Nashville. Wild your hand in mine. We did in Nashville.
It was actually Nashville.
Remember the RV trip to Atlanta for the Super Bowl
like three or four years ago?
And we stopped in Nashville.
Taylor, Taylor.
Remember Santa's Pub?
PFT did Mr.
Brightside there. I think it was only you
guys that went. It was only you.
There was a group of four of us and we were like,
let's smoke a whole pack of cigs in here because you can smoke inside.
And it was like real Nashville singers,
and then he thought it would be funny to get up and do this.
Rowan and I went to a karaoke bar in Nashville,
and it was smoking inside, and there was real singers there.
Was it Santa's?
I don't know what it was.
It was like a trailer off the strip.
It was like a show, but there was like really good singers there.
People in Nashville are just talented.
They got it out the wazoo.
Except for Tajay Sharp.
What a bust.
Truly.
Yeah, he was a fucking massive bust.
So much faith.
I'm trying to think what other busts they had.
DeMarco Murray would work out?
No, he did.
He was good for a while.
DeMarco Murray.
He didn't work out for the Titans too well, did he?
He had like 1,600 yards rushing. Yeah, he was good. He wound up good for a while. DeMarco Murray. He didn't work out for the Titans too well, did he? He had like 1,600 yards rushing.
Yeah, he was good.
He wound up good on three teams.
He was good on the Eagles and good on the Cowboys.
He wasn't good on the Eagles.
He was good on the Cowboys.
He went to the Eagles.
We were excited about him.
Fourth-round pick.
What we're looking for in the Super Bowl is all rushing.
He held off Derrick Henry.
First-ball home-famer.
He and RG3 have been talking and we've been saying,
you need rushing in the Super Bowl.
You and RG3?
You need Russians in the Super Bowl.
You need Rob Ninkovich.
KB, can you give us a little bit of a sober man's assessment
of what you've been seeing for the last half?
Is this hard to watch?
You guys are talking, talking.
I'm jealous.
I want to drink again.
70 days, dude.
Hold it in.
That's an amount where now I can't go back.
No, no, no.
Hear me out.
That's an awesome stopping point.
It is.
It's clean.
A hundred is a good stop.
It's a clean-ass stopping point.
A hundred?
Yeah.
No, 70.
Today.
You want this coffee?
No. No, give me. Take your 70. Today. You want this coffee? No.
No, give me.
Take your hand in mine.
Why are you trying to soil my boy?
Stella Blue.
Stella Blue.
That's all it is, is Stella Blue.
Are you trying to soil me?
Don't do it.
It's for me, then.
No, I'm good.
How do you guys feel?
Hey, what's up?
You walked all the way across the street to get this Stella Blue.
I wasn't across.
Taylor, tell the story of the most expensive gift you ever got for Will Compton. There should be a cup out there.
There should be a clean cup out there, Big Cat.
The most expensive gift I've ever given for Will Compton.
Because I know there's a story behind it.
I know you know, from Arizona.
Didn't you get him Hitler's teacup or something?
No, that was Segura.
Oh, that was different.
That was different people.
So for Will's wedding, I was like, man, that's my fucking boy.
He's my best friend.
I need to get him something nice.
So I went to the Rolex store.
I got him a steel silver Oyster Perpetual Day-Date.
Perpetual.
And I was like, damn, this is going to be a nice little deal for Will.
He's going to love it.
He's been talking about the Rolex for a while.
I need to get him that Rolex.
I fly up to Bozeman, Montana, drive over to his wedding.
I'm with the Rolex.
Now, his wedding is basically off the highway
on like a really nice motel.
Anybody who's been to Montana
knows that
when you go to Montana,
every landscape
is the greatest landscape.
It's beautiful.
God's country.
Beautiful.
I give Will Compton,
I call him the minute I get there.
I said, hey,
come up to my room.
I have your wedding present for you.
I give him the silver Rolex. Wow. said hey come up to my room i have your wedding present for you i give him the silver rolex wow he takes it he opens it he's fired up on it fired up like there's definitely a twist here right yes well just yeah listening i guarantee something's gonna happen
here's a story i'm not gonna tell myself giving will a rolex into's the end of the story. So, Will's
fired up. He goes down to his room.
His beautiful wife, Charo,
he shows his wife this
soon-to-be wife this watch.
He goes, hey, how cool is this?
Taylor gave me this Rolex.
His wife looks at him,
eyes tearing up, sniffles
in the nose, and tells
him, I got your Rolex for your wedding.
Oh!
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's no shame in rock.
Hold on, Cal.
Unless his winner.
Hold on.
There's no shame in rock.
Hold on.
He's on one wrist.
Oh, no, no, no.
Will is now thinking to himself, fuck.
Poor Charo.
She gives him this Rolex.
It's gold with a leather band.
It's very nice.
And Charo's really upset because she got him a Rolex.
I got him a Rolex.
But Will's thinking, fuck, I got two Rolexes.
I have won this game.
And correct me if I'm wrong, she's not in the NFL.
So, like, the barrier for a Rolex.
He fucking put in the work.
For those of you who don't know,
Charo Bishop,
now Charo Compton,
right?
Hardworking individual was a cheerleader for the Washington Redskins when they
were the Redskins.
Oh,
is that how her and Will met?
That's how they met.
I believe.
And I would hate to butcher this,
but since we're here,
we're just talking.
Yeah,
we're talking.
I think Charles slid into his DM.
Whoa. She up. here we're just talking yeah we're talking i think charles slid into his dm whoa there was action back and forth and now all of a sudden they're saying sweet nothings to each other
charo will text me on the side says hey heads up big big text messages coming your way. Sure enough, I get a text message from Charo the size of the Bible on my phone.
And everything she said was very justified.
Hey, I want to give him this gift.
I wish I could have surprised him.
You got the surprise.
I didn't get the surprise.
It's a really sad deal.
I have a thing about weddings where I'm like, damn, I don't want to be the center of attention.
I am an attention whore. want to be the center of attention. I am an attention whore.
I enjoy being the center of attention.
But when weddings happen, I'm like, this is not about me.
This is about the couple.
And I firmly took away that situation.
Now...
The Rolex back?
I mean, it wasn't...
I should have took the Rolex.
No, no.
I was going to say, I hope you didn't take the Rolex.
And I know Will's probably still watching even though he's off the stream.
You should give me that Rolex back, buddy.
Go ahead, Steven.
Need a woman's perspective.
So Taylor gave Will a Rolex for his wedding present.
I think she got the gist of the story.
She wasn't here.
No, I just came in.
I just came in.
Good question.
Will's fiancée wife also got him a Rolex.
Was upset that Taylor got it.
Quick question.
When you say Rolex, I miss a little.
So when you say Rolex, you mean brick watch, right?
Right.
Brick watch.
Just want to make sure.
I got Will a brick watch and his wife also got it.
Thank you.
Yes.
Good automatic movement.
They keep time.
Yeah.
I think that's just a win-win.
It's a win-win for Will.
But put yourself in a trial situation for a second.
You are getting married to the man you love.
The man you decided you were going to spend the rest of your life with.
Ah, the B.
And you think to yourself, Will has literally said,
I want a Rolex.
Brick watch, brick watch.
Me, Will, and this individual, this slot receiver named Mike Campanaro,
went to a brick watch store and found a brick watch.
And 20% goes to small business.
It's actually the same brick watch
that I'm wearing on my wrist.
I believe they got
a couple Stella Blues
while they were in there.
Will has been telling Charles
since then,
I really want a brick watch.
Right.
Every girl,
when they grow up,
they're like,
I want to be a princess
and I want to get
my prince a brick watch.
Hey, that's like
the night you marry the beeve
and I come up
and I give you a dream catcher
and a beaded door handle.
A tapestry for the wall.
I wanted to give her a tapestry.
I believe it's fully justifiable that Charo was upset about the situation.
No, it's definitely justifiable.
Also, you've got to think, in Will's head, he was probably so fucking pissed.
Fired the fuck.
Especially because I thought you were going to say it was the same Rolex.
It's gold and silver.
The fact that it's two different Rolexes
He's like now I got two Rolexes that I can work into
A brick watch
Two brick watches that I can work into
Will likes gold
More than silver
I got him silver, Charles got him gold
So he loves that gold way more
And I think there's no malice
I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that it's malice
I don't know what malice means
You weren't like I'm going to get this and fuck her. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the president. I don't know what malice means.
You weren't like, I'm going to get this and fuck her over.
I'm going to get it first.
There was no ill intent.
But also, playing devil's advocate, you're fighting for me in this situation.
Sure.
Poor Charo had this surprise for Will, and I ruined the surprise on their wedding, the day before their wedding.
I mean, it's hilarious.
I don't think it's,
I think it's just a classy misunderstanding.
Oh, 100%. Me and Char are good now,
Char and I.
We are good now.
However,
the situation was tough.
I love Char.
Sure, for a second.
She's outstanding.
She's a wonderful woman.
Thank God for these coffees, dude.
Thank God for the coffees.
Taylor, I gotta get you to my wedding. I'm probably gonna marry a wonderful woman. Thank God for these coffees, dude. Thank God for the coffees. Taylor, I've got to get you to my wedding.
I'm probably going to marry a poor bitch.
He just went and he's broke.
You know what?
I'm going to get you ten brick watches.
Holy shit.
I feel like Big Cat is definitely a guy you want in your wedding.
I will buy you a lot.
If I got married again, I'd be like, hey, Big Cat, you've got to be in my wedding.
Fat stack.
Big Cat's my best man.
Big Cat's going to be my ring bearer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Put it on my cock.
Right around your cock.
Because it will fit.
That's how small it is.
No, my girl's going to have thick ass fingers.
Well, don't sell yourself short.
I'm going to marry a beast of a woman.
People are like, oh, weddings aren't worth the money.
Thick fingers and the loosest pussy.
That's my two things.
If she checks those two boxes.
My wedding was so expensive.
Was it worth it?
And a wide ass pussy.
No?
No.
Getting married to my wife.
So my wife and I
I've been looking for you
all my life.
My wife and I got married
a few months after we met.
We met in
Two months after you met?
We met in the middle of
That's love brother. We met the end of January. I proposed? We met in the middle of... That's love, brother.
We met the end of January.
I proposed to her in five weeks.
And you knew.
You were like, this is...
We got married on 4-20 because we thought it was funny.
I was going to say something, but I'm not...
No one knew we were married for a year.
We had a kid.
You guys, was that going to love it?
We had a kid and people thought, oh, these people had kids at a wedlock.
Jesus was mad.
Yeah.
But we got married again.
I spent so much money on that wedding.
It was amazing.
It was beautiful.
It was in Big Sur, California.
Oh, Big Sur is the best.
You got mountains.
You got ocean.
Oh, Big Sur?
It was incredible.
But my side of the family really fucked up that wedding.
How?
Really fucked it up.
It's not even worth going into.
I think you brought it up.
I think it's worth it.
I think it's worth talking about it.
How did that make you feel, Taylor?
Was there a fight?
Was there a fight?
Well, no.
Here's, I fucked it up because my brother and another guy that I knew thought they were
going to be my best man.
Wait, your brother wasn't?
Listen.
Oh.
At the end of it, we were literally sitting there doing the rehearsal for the wedding,
and they said, all right, Best Man, come up.
And I say, hey, this guy's my best man, Nick Bennett.
You didn't talk about it before the rehearsal?
No, dude.
I freaked out so bad.
Because that's hard.
I like that.
Surprise Best Man.
I like that.
I like that, too.
So the two of them were extremely salty.
Who could decide?
Extremely salty.
It was a lot of drama and a lot of bullshit going on.
And Talon's family loves to party.
They love to get after it.
Yeah.
So before the wedding, we were like, damn.
Talon was like, I hope my family handles their shit.
But they did.
My family was the one that messed up.
Wait.
So when you said, when they were like, the best man come up, did your brother one that messed up. Wait, so when you said,
when they were like,
the best man come up,
did your brother start to walk up?
Oh, yes.
Oh, no.
It was the worst part, dude.
Oh, no.
He started to walk,
and I was like,
Nick Bennett's my best man,
and Nick walked forward,
and Bryce took a step back.
Jesus.
Rude.
It is 100% my fault.
That's funny, though. I know. I fucked up, boys fault That's funny though I know I fucked up boys
That's funny
It's hilarious though
Brother being like
Alright here's my big moment
That's Curb Your Enthusiasm
It is
It literally is
My brother's a bit
Right sit the fuck down
Yeah
What you gotta do
You gotta get him a
Hell up here
My brother's a bit of a hippie
Like he's about like
You know
He came up.
We did like an open mic.
Like, say something nice with the bride and groom.
A compliment wheel.
My brother stands up.
He goes, I'd like to say something.
And I go, oh, no.
He starts off.
I can't remember the whole entire thing.
But the way he starts off this speech is, he goes, this is verbatim.
Earth.
Are you and your brother really close?
The wind, no.
He's not his best man.
I was going to say, if you got the context clues.
He goes, the ocean.
He refers to Talyn, my wife, as his girl.
Oh.
I was supposed to end up with Talyn, but I didn't.
What?
So you made the right call.
I feel like this is way out of context because my brother
knew Talon before I knew Talon.
Talon was best friends with my
mom, my biological mother.
And they stole
puppies in Leapers Fork,
Tennessee. My mom
gets arrested.
I'm at a poop.
I'm following.
I'm following.
Stolen puppy.
Sounds like a cheesy story.
My heart can't take it.
It's crazy.
It's a melty situation.
It's a melty story.
It is crazy.
They steal puppies.
What kind?
I need to know.
I need to pick one.
Wait, your mom is Cruella DeVille?
No, no, no.
She was stealing back stolen puppies. Oh. It was a pick one. Wait, your mom is Cruella de Vil? No, no, no.
She was stealing back stolen puppies.
Oh.
It was a positive.
They were vigilantes.
They were vigilantes in this situation.
Yes, Robin Hood.
They steal puppies.
My mom gets cleaned.
They clean the puppies up.
They have ticks.
They're malnourished.
The whole kit and caboodle.
They called the Humane Society.
The Humane Society says, hey, they've already been reported stolen. This is a very difficult story to tell when you're hammered.
Wait. You're nailing it.
Thank you.
So my mom gets arrested. I'm
at a pool party.
Yo, Kyle,
chill. That wasn't
a punchline. This story
is ridiculous. I get a
call. Your future wife is with her.
You start at the beginning.
My future wife is with her.
My mom gets arrested.
Your future wife is with her.
Yes.
You don't know her yet.
I don't know.
Well, I've met her twice.
Okay.
Now.
You bail out her instead of your mom.
My mom, my biological mother says,
hey, when Taylor's around, do not speak to him.
Otherwise, he's going to fall in love with you. So every time
Taylor was around me, she wouldn't
speak. And then my mom would be like, hey, what do
you think about Taylor? I'm like, she's a fucking
smoke. She's a goddamn unit.
However, she doesn't
talk. Right. So I
never thought anything about her.
And then she was a really good looking woman.
So
my mom gets arrested.
She's working in this place called Leapers Fort, Tennessee.
So now I'm going to go all over the place.
I quit in Tarantino.
Yes, I'm here for it.
Leapers Fort, Tennessee has been bought by some billionaire in Tennessee.
He literally goes to houses and says, hey, I will buy you new teeth.
I will paint your house.
I will furnish new teeth. I will paint your house. I will paint your house.
I will furnish your entire house.
When you die,
when you die,
that is my house now.
And they're like,
all right,
deal.
So this,
this town that used to be this like low key trap town,
you would buy drugs from is now a place that is beautiful. People want to go to Leapers Fork,
Tennessee.
When you visit this place.
It's beautiful.
There's a bucket there.
I want to go right now.
There's a bunch of stores,
and it's a small little road.
The General Lee and some old cop car
are sitting right outside the town
when you drive into it.
Can we go there on Google Maps real quick?
Yeah, we can absolutely go there.
Okay.
So when they...
There's a family down there.
So my wife,
my wife,
this little boy named Gus.
I say little boy.
Hey, what?
This boy named Gus has a crush on Talyn.
Gives Talyn a puppy because she knows she loves animals.
What is going on?
Just keep fucking listening.
Oh, stay with him.
Stay with him.
Keep fucking listening.
I'm trying, Taylor.
This is getting difficult.
Talyn goes, hey, this is a lot of responsibility.
So she goes into this small little store and finds my mother who's
working at this retail store she says hey this puppy is malnourished we gotta find out where
they're from they find out where they're from they go to this place they find these dogs these
puppies and a puppy mill yeah under a blue tarp in july in tennessee for those of you don't know
tennessee gets real hot in the summertime 12 12, 20. Okay. A little context. They make a decision.
We need to take these puppies and take care of them.
They take these puppies.
They fix them up.
Everything's all good.
Now they call the police.
They call the Humane Society.
The Humane Society says, hey, these puppies have already been called in.
Reported stolen.
Yes.
So my mom gets arrested.
Now we're back to where we were. Okay. We're back in Parat arrested. I'm going to, now we're back to where we were.
Okay, we're back in Paratina.
I'm at a pool party.
I get a call from my mother.
I get a call from my mother's boss
at the store.
Police came in,
arrested my mother,
cuffs behind her back.
Oh my God.
They take her into jail.
I go to the jail,
get her out of jail.
Okay. They ask her, What year is this? This is
2015.
So you're
in the pros. I'm in the pros.
Okay.
I go bail my mom
out of jail.
The police ask her,
there was two people with you. She says,
no, there was only me.
They think it was me.
It ended up being Talyn.
Talyn is Canadian.
If she would have snitched on Talyn, she would have got deported.
Whoa.
Ride or die.
Your mom is ride or die. So they ride or die.
And snitch was one of his words on the game earlier.
And Rome's a snitch.
Yes.
So Talyn and my mom become best friends.
I move in with a girl.
This girl and I are dating.
I'm not going to say her name out of respect for her.
She is – she's like, I want to move in together.
I'm like, all right, fine.
Let's move in together.
We buy this place off Charlotte Pike in Dozen, Nashville.
What was your name?
I don't know what that is.
No, I'm kidding.
Upside.
We buy this place.
My mom is a faux interior designer.
We're talking about an accent wall, restored barn wood.
I love this lady.
A family has also wandered in.
It's like a Vietnamese woman.
Yeah.
There is a family watching now.
Now, the truck pulls up.
It's my mother's truck.
It's a Dodge 1500.
Pulls up.
I'm like, it's my mom's truck, so I walk up to the window.
All of a sudden, Talon walks out the door.
I'm like, who is this smoke show walking into my house for three hours?
Mute smoke show.
Mute smoke show.
It's hard to say.
Just like you said it.
We talk for three hours.
Long story short, I break up with the girl I'm dating.
On the spot?
Three days later.
We've moved in together for three days.
Oh my god.
I know. He's honest.
He was honest.
You did the right thing.
I saw a hot girl
and you're like, get out of here.
I could tell you
that part of the story, but I feel like I see
Sass on his phone.
He's always on his phone.
Don't worry.
I'm never on my phone.
That might be better.
That might be better, honestly.
Your stuff is still in boxes.
I break up with this girl and date Taylin.
I say, I have never seen anything like this in my entire life.
Let's see where it goes.
And she talks.
She talks.
Okay, nice.
We fly to L.A. for six days.
We decide that's not enough.
Then we drive up to the Super Bowl.
When the Super Bowl was in San Francisco, I believe this was 2015.
It was.
Then she has a flight from San Francisco to Nashville.
I miss that flight on purpose, so we can drive down from San Francisco to Phoenix, Arizona, where your boy grew up.
She comes down.
Two days later, she flies out to Nashville.
She calls me and says, I miss you.
I say, I miss you too.
But if you come back, you're not going anywhere.
She comes back, and I'm waiting.
I am waiting with an engagement ring when she gets there.
Oh, holy shit.
Five weeks, I propose to Taylin.
Holy shit.
We're sitting at a coffee shop a month later.
420 is right around the corner.
And we think it'd be hilarious if we got married on 420.
So we call a guy up, website.
Hitler's birthday.
I did not know that.
Coincidence, coincidence.
We get married with my faux dad, my actual mom.
Wait, what?
Your faux dad?
So I lived with a different family in high school.
I had some turmoil in high school, so I decided to live with a different family.
I was actually living in a gutter outside of the school I played football at.
The story is so good.
Who's writing this book?
Who's writing the book?
If you dropped faux dad, we would be like, oh, okay. Oh, it's faux dad. Who's writing the book? You drop.
Oh, dad.
Like we would be like, oh, OK.
Oh, it's.
Oh, dad.
Oh, dad.
I mean, yeah.
Like soup with noodles.
Yeah.
Ramen dad to the foe.
Yeah.
So I had a falling out with my father and my mother.
Like when I was 15, I grew up on a ranch and my mom's boyfriend was like the straight cowboy
from Wichita,ansas he and i got
in a legit fist fight legit fist fight he beat the shit out of me he won he won boys and i'm like
i'm not living there i'm living with my dad he and i have our own falling out i go live on the
streets for like two weeks my one of my teammates goes to his parents and says,
hey, this kid's living by himself.
We got to give him a room.
They give me a room.
Long story short, they become like my parents.
You're blindsided.
Pro dad.
I'm a white blindside kid.
I'm white blindside.
That's sick.
Anyway, he's there.
My mom's there.
And her whole entire family who lives in Canada
is on Zoom. We get married.
Other than that, no one knows we're married
for over a year. Then we get married
at Big Sur. I love that.
Going full circle,
that wedding was not that great. Your brother.
Your brother is saying
he's the one that was supposed to...
Really, how it
starts is you shouldn't have just gotten Will a brick watch.
I should have gotten Will a brick watch in a bag.
And that was how this whole story started.
Wait, now, your wife, do you ever, like, you ever come home and she's, like, looking at, like, puppies she wants to steal back?
And you're like, I told you, we're not about this anymore.
Every single day.
We don't do this anymore.
Every single day. We don't do this anymore.
You don't have to do this.
There's a charity thing in Nashville
called Wags and Walks and they do
they take care of dogs.
They're a non-kill shelter.
And we like
foster dogs.
And I'm like, I'm not fucking about that.
There's so much responsibility when it comes to dogs.
So we've fostered a couple of dogs And I'm like, I'm not fucking about that. There's so much responsibility when it comes to dogs.
So we fostered a couple of dogs, and now all of a sudden this little lab comes in.
I don't care for labs.
They're very basic animals. I love labs.
They're like, bro, when you start a video game and you look at the basic guy and he looks so normal, that's a lab.
Labs are like one of the best.
I got to say, Kamasta would never have.
So this dog named Jake comes into my life, and's a lap. Labs are like one of the best. Kamasta would never have. So this dog named Jake comes into my life
and I love him.
I'm obsessed with him.
He's a lap.
He's like 33% pinball.
What a twist.
When you look at him, he's a lap.
He fucking
he's gone for the day.
My wife tells me that they
got rid of him.
He found a home.
I start crying.
Legit tears down my cheeks.
She's like, holy shit, we can't leave this dog.
So now Jake is a part of our family.
Love it.
He's been around for over a year now.
What color lab?
Jake, dude, he's a yellow lab.
Yellow lab.
But I do like the chocolate labs more than the yellow labs from a look standpoint.
If I was looking at like...
It's kind of like a Black Lab or a Chocolate Lab.
Yeah, Chocolate Lab, Black Lab if you're being politically incorrect.
Yeah, I would say Chocolate Lab.
There are three.
Are there?
Black, Chocolate Lab, Yellow Lab.
And what about Gray?
A Gray Lab?
I've never seen that.
I've never seen a Gray Lab.
What about the Wu-Han Lab?
Yeah, there's that.
They had that leak.
What a... I did not think lab? Yeah, there's that. They had that leak. What a...
I did not think I was going to tell this story,
especially half in the bag right now.
You're crying right now, dude.
You got those shades on.
We're all crying.
Yeah, because we know your bitch ass is crying.
I am crying.
It's all because Will's wife...
I cry so much now.
I know you're soiling yourself right now.
Since I tore my ACL the second time,
I've cried all the time.
You've been crying.
For what reason?
Yeah, but that's what I release.
I'm like, watch a video.
Go back to your hotel and watch About Time.
I saw this video during Christmas of this little girl.
She's wearing a dress she got for Christmas.
She goes and everybody's like, oh my god, you look so cute.
And she's looking for her dad.
And I'm like, I know that video like and she finds her dad and her dad's
like, you look amazing.
And she gives him a hug. I start crying.
I cry all of the time.
You're like Tony Soprano crying in commercials.
Yes, I cry all
of the time. I've never felt
I've never felt anything watching
a military homecoming video.
Doesn't do it for me. No.
You're anti-patriot.
Yeah,
you are,
you're a communist.
You're anti-American pussy.
When I see a dad
come see his son
for the first time
at a school,
Oh yeah.
military gear,
I fucking lose.
It doesn't do it for me.
It's propaganda.
Really?
What does it for you?
What does it for,
what makes me tear up?
Yes.
I love watching animals
that have lived in cages
their whole lives
get freed into a sanctuary.
Oh, that's a good one. That sanctuary. Have you seen Christian the Lion?
That's a good one.
Have you seen Christian the Lion?
He's a lion that was raised by a human, and he's his human friend.
I haven't seen Christian, but I like seeing chimpanzees seeing their handlers after years.
Yes.
Oh, that's good.
I don't fuck.
I love.
Actually, this is actually crazy.
This is going to sound crazy to say.
Last night, I signed up for a dog walking website.
Really?
Yeah.
What, for you to get walked?
No, I want to walk dogs.
You're going to start walking dogs?
I love dogs so much.
In college.
Hey, what's your favorite dog?
What?
I have my dog.
I have my dog.
Hey, Lab.
Well, I love Labs.
I've had Labs before, but I have-
So funny.
They're so basic.
Yeah, right now I have a German Shepherd mix,
and then I have...
Mix with what?
I have two German Shepherd mix.
They're mixed with a bunch of shit.
But...
Dude, pound puppy.
If I had, like, one, like, purebred dog,
I would want an Australian Shepherd or a new...
They're badly behaved, Australian Shepherds.
Yes, they are.
No, no.
Those are not badly behaved at all.
They're a bucket.
Yes, they are.
You couldn't have one in the city
because they're so energetic.
They're not badly behaved. They're just so energetic. They're ramb behaved at all. You couldn't have one in the city because they're so energetic. They're not badly behaved.
They're just so energetic.
They also like Bernice Mountain dogs, obviously, and New Finland dogs.
Obviously.
Everyone likes Bernice Mountain.
I'm a small dog man.
How do you guys feel about chihuahuas?
Love.
I'm a small dog man.
I love chihuahuas.
I hate chihuahuas.
Jitsu's, lobster, opposite.
What?
Sass.
Peek-a-poos, peek-a-nee.
I dated a guy who was a medic.
I like big dogs.
And he went on call once
and they heard a dog barking
and they knock on the door,
knock on the door
and they hear a dog barking
but they're like,
sounds like a small dog.
We'll just go in
because normally like medics
they hear dogs,
whatever.
They go in
and apparently this Chihuahua
runs across the counter,
leaps in the air
and attaches onto his nose,
ripped his fucking nose off.
Yeah,
his nose was like,
yeah,
it was like sewn back on.
How do you not fucking have the reflexes?
I don't know.
I guess he was looking for the guy who was hurt.
You got the reflexes?
Yeah, if a chihuahua jumps to my face,
I'd be like, no.
Why is your shirt on?
I had to put it back on
because I was starting to feel,
it worked when I was bloated.
Your lung was fading away?
Well, it worked when I was bloated
and then I puked,
so I wasn't bloated,
I was just fat.
Dude, you're not fat.
You're a work in progress.
I am a work in progress.
I'm a work in progress.
You look—
Bloated didn't mean fat.
You are the Jonah Hill of Barstool Sports.
Oh, God.
Oh, yeah.
Work in progress.
Okay, but also, the crazy thing is that it's literally not even close to Drew.
Like, people are always like, oh, Big Cat's fat.
Brandon's fat.
No, but— You know who? Come fat. Brandon's fat. No, but...
That's all he was saying.
But they are not fat.
I'm seeing the fat people.
Have you seen the fat people we have here?
Okay.
French sass!
A lot of fat people.
We call them the Eunice.
I can't wait to see Sass and Zany.
They are fat.
I cannot...
For those of you listening, if Sass comes to Zany's.
Anyone who calls Big Cat fat and then sees the other fat people here, I don't know why
they're laughing.
It's undeniable.
It's undeniable.
This is not yet.
It's true.
Gosh, you do understand the difference.
Like, it's funny to call me fat because I can take it if you call someone who's very
fat fat.
I don't think it's about you can take it.
It's that you're not fat. Oh, I mean, I am overweight, but if you call someone who's very fat fat. I don't think it's about you can take it. It's that you're not fat.
I am overweight, but if you call someone who's
very fat fat, you're just a dickhead.
No, you're not. Yeah, you are.
No, you're not. Not if they
claim it. Not if they're...
They own it. They gotta own it.
But anyone who's very fat,
that's obviously
traumatic.
Yeah, you piece of shit.
DJ, you're not fat.
Wait, Roan, did you just get a dog?
No, I didn't.
I looked at, like, five different places, and I couldn't find the one.
I'm going to get a wiener dog in Chicago.
They were all fucking mad.
Hell yes.
I was on a—
Stella Blue sponsors Paws.
Paws Chicago.
Hey, KB, how old were you?
Hey, KB, assess us right now.
Trying to jump into this conversation is like trying to hop in a moving car.
You guys are very dominant speakers, which is impressive,
and you keep the topics moving at a fast pace.
The only thing that's impressive is that outfit, dude.
You look so funny.
Also, I want it on the record that I'm not fatphobic.
That's fine.
What were you going to say? I am scared of fat people.
What were you going to say?
Dude, I saw you.
I won't say what employee, but he was opening up a pack of cards, and you saw him.
You just turned a corner.
You said, ah!
Scream, dude.
Well, I mean, I see my way, and I see their way.
I'm like, they could physically kill me.
Yeah.
One squeeze.
Hey, Big Cat, what is the background behind Stella Blue with this dog?
Stella's my dog.
Stella's your dog.
Yes.
I don't want to talk about Stella because I will cry. Alright.
So. It passed away. No no Stella's
still alive. Hey uh Sass can you grab me
another coffee please? Stella's still alive.
She's 11 and a half. Rescue
uh just the muddiest mud of all time.
She's got like we did the DNA test.
It was like literally 8 different
dogs. It was like eagle
retriever pit bull. It was a joke how different dogs It was like eagle, retriever, pit bull
It was a joke how many dogs came up
But yeah, no, she's 11 and a half
She's got kidney disease, which is not curable
So it's just, you know, I get sad about it
But she's doing okay
I take her every week to the vet
Get her fluids
Do like a special diet
So 11 and a half's a long time you know they told
us the kidney disease last year it was about a year ago she's like oh she's got like nine months
lived so we've gone past that so i have to be thankful about everything but yeah i don't want
to talk about it because i'll cry my wife has a dog named akira who is part husky part wolf like 25% wolf actual wolf
and she's like 12 years old
now and I am watching this dog
slowly decay yeah no let's not
talk about this it breaks my heart
knowing that I love it
like this is her dog and this is the best
dog I've ever had yeah
it breaks my heart to know
that like someday that dog's gonna go and I'm
gonna have to deal with...
That's why I did Stella Blue.
If Talon's parents die, it's like, okay, we can handle that.
But if this dog dies, fuck.
Oh, I know, because he can't talk.
It breaks my heart.
She's so amazing.
Yeah, that's why I named it Stella Blue,
because I was like, look, Stella has been a very important part of my life.
She's been with me before Barstool,
so it's like I used to literally be writing blogs in my apartment in Chicago,
and it was just me and her sitting there all day.
So I was like, you know, no dogs live forever, but she can kind of live forever.
Now I'm going to cry.
Let's just not.
Kyle, what's up?
Remember when Sass made fun of all the fat people in the office?
That was crazy.
I like that.
That was nuts, yeah.
I know what you guys mean.
I adopted a cat.
Spork.
Shout out Spork.
I adopted a cat.
Shout out Spork.
A long time ago.
Shout out Spork.
How long, and I am enjoying the fuck out of myself right now,
but how long did these things last?
Oh, it should have been done hours ago.
This is the third longest live we've had ever.
It will not end.
What's the first longest live we've had?
One million subscriber push, three hours, 57 minutes.
What are we at now?
Two hours something?
We're at three hours.
I have a question.
21 minutes.
We can beat that.
It's not about getting new subscribers,
but you guys hit 100,000.
It's almost 110, but like... Oh, I've got to fart still. getting new subscribers, but, like, you guys hit 100,000. It's almost 110, but, like.
Oh, I got to fart still.
In the mic?
Oh, no, you can't.
Oh, that's right.
You guys have to fart still.
I cannot build up a fart.
What are you going to say, Kate?
But just, like, what's, like, does it matter?
Like, are you guys trying to get more followers?
Like, does it matter?
Well, you're a part of this show, so you are trying to.
Yeah, why are you talking?
Like, you're not.
I like dipping my toes. Kate, you're on of this show, so you are trying to do it. Yeah, why are you talking? Like, you're not. I like Zip and Matilda.
You're on this show every single time.
You are part of this show, so.
You're on the logo, Moron.
What are you guys doing with this little show you did?
No, I mean, I always feel like a dork and I'm, like, promoting it on social media.
Oh, yes.
Every tweet, every Instagram story, every Instagram mention helps.
Our end goal is just to lose followers and have it be canceled.
Wait.
No, the ideal world, we get to like a million followers,
and then we hit death to yak, and we're like,
over, over.
Big Cat, I don't know if we already moved over the dog topic,
but how old were you when you got a dog?
Stella?
No, no, your first dog.
Oh, I had a dog, Gus, when I was a kid.
When you were like my age
though, did you ever have a dog? When was the first time you got
by yourself?
26, 27?
It's 21, so Sask gets one.
Is it like a shit ton of responsibility?
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, so easy.
It won't soil anything.
Yes, it is.
So I'm going to move.
I want to move into my own place in May.
Yes, Sass.
And I really want a dog.
I'm going to say right now, Sass, no offense.
No, but I love dogs.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
I don't think you're ready for a dog.
And I'm just saying...
Oh, no, but I believe you.
Or with, like, your traveling.
Like, if you're going to try to be a stand-up...
That's the problem.
A dog.
You can't get a dog and be like, all right, dog, I'm out of here every weekend. Out of here for're traveling. If you're going to try to be a stand up. That's the problem. A dog. You can't get a dog and be
like alright dog I'm out of here
for the weekend. Makes sense.
There's places that can wash their dogs.
That's why I'm going to start walking dogs.
When you get a dog you have to be like
this is my dog.
I'm not going to. I wouldn't.
Sass just marry one of your mom's co-workers.
Sass if you find a doctor
that can write a note saying this is an emotional support animal.
I don't want to do that shit.
I just want a dog.
But if I can't get a dog, I'll just walk dogs.
I've done that.
No, because the other thing is, I'll be honest with you, Sass.
When I got a dog, I think it was 26, 27.
I remember there were moments where I'd go to a Cubs game and go out drinking with my friends for the whole day,
and I'd be like, wait, I have a dog.
I have to go home and walk this dog.
Yeah, you had to go home and walk the dog.
There was definitely moments where I was like,
I can't just do whatever I want all the time.
Yeah, and I'm out.
When you have kids, and then you just can't do anything ever.
Guys, I want to break something.
Uh-oh.
I got to try to fart.
News or a helmet?
Just something. Are we getting. I gotta try to fart. News or like a helmet? Nah, just something.
Are we getting tattoos or no?
Yes, I...
Wait, I think we should end with a song, but we also have to fart.
Santa?
Uh, well, it's already broken, right?
Closing time.
Every new beginning comes from...
What song are we singing?
Yeah, I like that song, but I also like...
I like Tropical.
Oh, God, that picture of Big Cat's fucking booger.
I think any Fleetwood Mac, the vibe of Fleetwood Mac.
No, no.
I liked your misspeak there.
Let's do Gypsy.
Let's do First Date by Blink-182.
First Date, Blink-182.
I just can't wait.
In the car.
I got to piss first.
One of the hardest times of our life is when we were in Georgia
and the mics did Miss You by Blink-182.
And they were duetting and it was wireless microphones
and they were just walking around the whole place.
Oh, man.
When I was in high school, I broke up with my high school boyfriend.
This is his disability case.
This is not my disability.
What was his what was his visual?
What was his impairment?
We were the Red Raiders and he was a bigger guy.
And so they would as a joke, they would paint abs on him before every game.
And he would run out on fringe wearing painted on abs.
That was your boyfriend.
I lost eggs.
I'm trying to I lost.
We went.
He was my guy. I'll say it because I'm joking. I lost. I lost. Wait a minute. He was my guy.
What do you mean?
Anyway.
Oh, no.
Was he numero uno?
Yes.
Wait.
Oh, no.
I see the B.
Wait, what was the question?
Not the mics.
Okay, it's Mike.
Wait, what was the question?
Deeper you go. You brought this up.
I don't even know.
It was no question.
This was unprompted, Kate.
When I was in high school, my boyfriend,
he was a big guy. He was actually my first
guy.
He was my big guy. There was no question.
He was my big boy. You said nothing
right there. You said nothing.
You soiled
yourself. Oh, Kate.
There was a question.
It was no question. Kate just got into how she lost her virginity out of nowhere. To a big guy. That was a question. Kate's talking about her first big question. There was no question.
Kate just got into how she lost her virginity out of nowhere.
To a big guy.
He was a Red Raiders.
That's okay.
Out of nowhere.
He painted himself.
But what were we talking about leading up to this?
Nothing.
It was a non sequitur.
Yeah.
You threw a curveball.
You threw a wrench in it.
No, we were talking about like music or something.
Oh, oh, the very first day.
Enya.
Enya, we were sitting. I brought up, Kate. i brought up i miss you by blink 182 is it cool if i hold your hand there was no
question rolling everything it's in the dance wait i went to i went to break up with him before we
went off to college and i had like that was back when we had cd players you have whatever and i
remember like gassing myself up to do it. I put that song on the CD on repeat
on my like disc man
on whatever
and as I'm on the phone
with him like trying
to break up with him
he's like,
can we time out for a second?
Are you playing
I Miss You on repeat?
I'm like,
you can hear it
in the background
and I,
that's the worst story.
I'm drunk.
I don't care.
That song fucking ruled.
It was very embarrassing.
Is that a bad song?
It's a great song.
The angel from my nightmare.
Shadow
in the darkness of the room.
Non-intending nightmare.
It didn't make a sound.
It didn't make a sound.
And I'm so sorry.
I cannot sleep.
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley.
And from the dark I call you.
And hear your voice of treason.
Will you come home?
I miss your love.
Stop this pain tonight.
You come home and stop this pain tonight.
Stop this pain tonight.
Don't waste your time on me.
Only a voice inside my head.
And you need to push.
Don't waste your time on me. The voice inside my head. And you need to push.
Don't waste your time on me.
You're already the voice inside my head.
Miss you, miss you.
That's what I had on repeat when I broke up with my high school boyfriend. I lost my virginity.
Hello there.
We do.
Angels from my nightmare.
Shadow in the background of the morgue.
The unsuspecting victim.
Of darkness in the valley.
We could live like Jack and Sally if we want.
Where you can always find me.
And we'll have Halloween
on Christmas
and in the night we'll wish this never ends
we'll wish this never ends
don't waste your time
on me you're already
a voice inside
my head
they missed the crucial part
don't waste your time
on me you're already a voice inside my head.
The cat is currently rocking himself like a child.
Miss you.
You can't fart, bro.
You can't get a fart out.
I can't get a fart out.
Our fart superstar, Big Daddy Fart, threw it up all out of his mouth.
He puked up all his farts.
What are we doing after this, squad?
I'm going to play pool with Francis.
I'm not going to take this drunk to nowhere.
I'm going to go out.
Yes.
Wait, can I go too?
Yes.
You guys want to go play?
Wait a minute, don't answer for me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No.
You guys want to go to society's billiards club.
No, no.
Yeah, let's go to a bar.
Let's go play pool.
Is that somewhere you can look gross?
What?
I want to go to a place with only dudes.
Yeah.
We can go to that.
Everyone's coming to the fucking pool.
Only dudes in Joey Camasta.
What about chicks that look like dudes?
I got to go play pool with Francis.
I got a big game tomorrow.
You're about to get worked by Francis.
I know, but I have a big game tomorrow.
I'm going to Denver.
I'm rematching my buddy Bo.
We're tied 1-1.
It's huge for me.
Bo's going to smoke you, bro.
Oh, sucks.
Do you want me to come to Denver with you?
Because I will be there for support.
You should go.
No.
I got a 7.
That's fair.
That's fair.
Thank you.
What a dickhead.
Thank you for being honest with me.
Don't do it, Sas.
He'll end up marrying you.
He probably will.
Possibly.
But he's got two kids now.
He's a father of two now.
Yeah, who would have thought, dude?
Some guy with two kids and a wife.
We're also going to the Theo Vaughn show. Still into Joe and a wife. We're also going to the Theo Vaughn show.
Theo and two Joe.
Ooh.
Huh?
We're going to the Theo Vaughn show.
That was my first big Twitter follow.
Theo's a stud, dude.
That was my first big follow and my first big unfollow as well.
That's awesome.
Has Theo been in HQ?
Yeah.
Yeah.
His answer to the internet is one of the funniest answers to the internet.
Oh, Kyle.
He unfollowed Sass after he came to Oh Kyle We haven't answered the internet right after this
I think I'm going to throw up again
You could
I could absolutely
Fuck it I feel great
I'm proud of this performance
That was God's fault
Thank you Roan
You were my rock today We really did I'm proud of this performance That was God's fault Thank you, Roan I don't have a fart
Roan, you were my rock today
Wait, we put in fucking work
We really did
Guys, I'm not gonna be able to fart
I really enjoyed this
We put in work
It was awesome, dude
Steven, Steven
Hey, Taylor
Taylor, are you just in
Are you just in New York for the night now?
No, I'm saying
I'm in New York for the next two nights
Two nights?
Yeah
Oh, because you're doing the streams
Allegedly
I might bail I might bail and leave tomorrow I know where to take you tomorrow I understand Two nights. Two nights? Yeah. Oh, because you're doing the streams. Allegedly.
I might bail.
I might bail and leave tomorrow.
I know where to take you tomorrow.
I understand.
I'm here tonight. Are there games tomorrow?
Are we getting tattoos today?
I would.
Okay, I'm going to.
Let's go.
Are you guys going to the show?
Are you guys going to the show at Rockwood?
I'm going to Owen's show tonight.
All right.
Yeah.
Bring Taylor.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on, Sass.
Nick, Nick, Nick.
No, no, no, no.
Wait.
Before any of that. I'm performing on it. No, no, no, no. Wait. Before any of that.
I'm performing on it.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Before any of that.
Nick, are you doing stand up?
Yeah, you are.
I saw that.
So I talked to Mook.
I talked to Mook and he was like, would you want to do stand up?
I was like, I'd think about it.
And I got tagged in the graphic.
Yeah.
That's a good thing because I love when things kind of force you to do something.
You're like, well, now I got to have a month to write something. It's going to suck when you murder. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good thing because I love when things kind of force you to do something. You're like, well, now I got to. I have a month to write something.
It's going to suck when you murder.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, when you're amazing.
You suck as murder.
You write the perfect 10.
And I've been working for two years on it.
I'm not going to do good.
I'm going to be panicked.
I'm going to have to have my phone out.
I'm going to have to be drunk.
I have one joke written.
The first time I did a real show, I brought up literally a folding notebook.
That's what I'm going to do.
Don't do that.
Don't buy tickets to that.
Go to other shows.
It's already sold out.
Is it?
Yes.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, I have zero minutes right now.
I'm going to be in Boston on February 2nd.
You're going to be there on February 2nd?
February 2nd to the 4th.
And those shows are about to sell out, all of them.
Yes. It's to the 4th. And those shows are about to sell out, all of them. Yes, as a young...
It's on the Wilbur.
As a young comedian, who's your favorite comedians right now?
It's got to be Bauer.
Segura.
It's probably like Shane.
Shane, Louis.
Hold on, let's pause on Shane.
I know that's your number one, but like...
Dude, I opened...
Shane is so fucking good, dude.
He's hilarious. Have you seen his new hour Jane is so fucking good, dude. I hilarious.
Have you seen his new hour?
No,
but I saw the one in Austin.
I literally cried.
Yeah,
I,
I,
I was better.
I opened for no way.
Yeah.
Yeah.
His whole bit about,
uh,
racism and then football teams.
I was,
I want to Fox news.
Dad's was so funny to me.
I think the funniest part of that whole special is the opening where he's just like, what do we want the age of consent to be?
And he's like, from Rhode Island?
Twelve!
Oh, dude, ew!
Dude, ew!
No, dude, his new hour is fucking insane.
Hey, Big K, you don't have to do this, buddy.
We're going to let you go.
Yeah, it's okay.
You've been there for a minute.
It's okay.
Four-hour show.
I don't think anyone's weighing on the phone.
No, I think Shane is one of my favorite.
Oops, oops, oops, oops, oops.
Shane is one of my favorite comedians to listen to.
He is so fucking funny.
AB, thank you for cleaning.
Holy shit.
Steven, how do you feel about Shane Gillis?
I know there was a bunch of stuff in the last case race.
I don't know if it was the last one, but are you guys cool now?
Yeah, we were cool during the taping.
And he's your partner in the next case.
And yes, he requested me as a partner for this next case race.
Yeah, that's him.
That's him.
He did that.
That's him righting wrongs.
He pushed the panda and pander.
Oh, no.
We all know why he got canceled.
Should we finish with a song?
No, we're good.
Blink-182?
Let's do one song.
Blink-182.
Or should we do...
Or Good Charlotte, Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous.
We're going to do Landslide.
We could do the Anthem.
Landslide.
I got to get out of here.
Anthem part two.
I got to get out of here in five minutes.
Fire.
We could do Good Charlotte's The Anthem or Blink-182.
For the record, for those of you who are barely still listening to us.
No, no, we're good.
Blink-182 is my favorite band of all time.
Also, I didn't finish my list, but it's Shane, Louis, and Joe List.
Joe List is the funniest.
I've never heard of Joe List.
You're the Cosby guy.
I heard you like Cosby and Louis C.K.
Cosby, C.K. Joe List. A female, Seth? Joe guy. I heard you like Cosby, and Louis C.K. different. Cosby, C.K.
Joe List.
Oh, female, Seth?
Joe List, I think, is one of the funniest comedians ever.
No women?
I guess Kathy Griffin doesn't matter anymore.
Hey, Nikki, where are you going to get tattoos?
Oh, my God.
That's kind of Seth.
No, where?
Walk to the nearest spot.
You just go to a vape store, and they'll give you guys tattoos.
What are we getting?
I'm going to do a flash sheet, whatever they want.
I want to get a dollar sign in my finger webbing.
All right, we got to do this.
Every single finger?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am.
All right, so should we do landslide?
Let's do landslide.
Let's get landslide.
I don't know that song.
Oh, you know the song.
Oh, you know that song.
You know that song.
What is it?
Who's it by?
Fleetwood Mac.
You know that song.
Can you play it for a second?
Yeah, we'll play it right now. Well, hold on. I don't want to commit to something that I don't know. You know it. Who's it by? Fleetwood Mac. You know that song. Can you play it for a second? Yeah, we'll play it right now.
Well, hold on.
I don't want to commit to something that I don't know.
You know it.
You know it.
It was the first song before I was drunk.
I didn't know.
I kind of sat there smiling.
You know this one.
You look cute.
Thank you.
You know this one.
It's a good ending song.
I'd like to see something that I know.
Where's it going to be on the screen, too?
Also, thank you for everyone who followed along.
I wanted just a good vibes tropical day, I'd like to see something that I know. Words are going to be on the screen, too. Also, thank you for everyone who followed along.
This was, I wanted just a good vibes tropical day,
and this was 10 times better than I thought it was ever going to be,
and this was, all of you made this so much fun.
Thank you. No, this was very fun.
Yeah, I think Kate needs to get a clap for MVP.
MVP.
It was incredible.
I totally started saying that, so then that happened.
It was incredible.
It was incredible. He grabbed me by the shirt that that would happen. It was incredible. It was incredible.
Grab me by the shirt.
Kate, you said you'll clap.
He was incredibly stressed before this whole thing.
I was.
I was.
Eating a burrito.
The moment is seared in my brain of us puking and Kate just looking at me like, what have
I done?
What have I done?
It escalated.
Kate just shielding her face and Stephen Chase screaming.
I had so much fun puking with you guys.
You want to throw up again?
I kind of do.
You guys want to puking together?
If you puke, I will probably puke.
I'll puke.
So much fun.
Put on Lance Ty.
Let's get to puking.
Yeah.
Thanks to everyone who followed along.
Kate thinks the puking is gross.
Genuinely, you're the best.
Oh, here we go.
Kate's repulsed by the puking.
Yeah.
I don't care.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
It's sped up. Oh, puking. Yeah. I mean... I don't care. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's sped up.
Oh, he's...
Oh!
No!
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh!
You splashed on the ceiling.
Climbed a mountain
and I turned around.
Oh, no.
And I saw my reflection
in the snow-covered hills.
The landslide brought me down.
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
And the child within my heart, rise above can I sail
through the changing
ocean tides
can I handle
the seasons
of my life
where are you
I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep
I cannot dream tonight
well I've I can't sleep. I can't dream tonight.
Well, I've been afraid of
changing
because I've built
my life around you.
It's not a joke.
And then
I make
older
and children
get older and I'm getting older I think we got the wrong version.
This feels bad.
I was spitting up a tiny bit of puke, and so was Big Cat.
Get with the tempo, Saz.
Why am I on the screen right now?
I haven't smoked. This with the tempo, Saz. Why am I on the screen right now? I haven't spoke.
I haven't spoke.
Just puke smells.
I genuinely don't understand why.
That's a bad.
Honestly, it's so nice though.
I don't get why though.
Here we go.
For all you watching.
Here we go.
Everybody now.
It's lame.
Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I built my life around you.
Cade, you've got to sing.
But time makes you older.
You've been chilling.
I'm getting older, too.
Oh, I'm getting older, too.
Oh.
Gotta regret right now.
Take it down.
Feeling this.
You're so cold and numb.
And then I turn around.
Feeling this.
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills.
Well the landslide will bring you down
Oh, and if you see my reflection
In the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring you down
Oh, the landslide brings you down. Are we done? If I see puke, I'll puke. There's a big cat more than me. All right, everybody have a good time.
Kate having to run out.
We're so sick.
We got no show on Monday?
No show Monday.
If you're upset about that, you're racist.
We'll see you everyone Monday.
Or Tuesday.
Tuesday.
Tuesday. Thanks for staying the whole time.
Love you all.