The Yak - The Sand Trap King Of 2005 And Roger Klotz Wishes KB A Happy Birthday

Episode Date: January 30, 2021

What's up turd nuggets.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak

Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Well, if there is an audio asterisk, is there a noise that you can make that shows that there's an asterisk behind a word? I'll follow. All right, guys, this is some of the Yak. This is the best. This is the. Okay, asterisk me.

This is of the Yak. Okay, yeah. I don't even know if you can call it the Yak. No. So this is the of the. Okay, asterisk me. This is of the yak. Okay, yeah. I don't even know if you can call it the yak. No. So this is the of the. That's all it can be. I'm trying to compare it to. This is some of one to two from the last week on Sirius.

Yeah. This is like. It's like calling Eugene from Hey Arnold, Hey Arnold. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's exactly what this is like. People coming into the last week of the Yak must have been like, I don't know, you're going to –

I'm going to say something mean. Never mind. Who's an athlete that died while still playing the sport? Clemente. This is like going to see Roberto Clemente. He's like, one second, I've got to run to Honduras. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh. I don't think he ran either. He's like one second I gotta run to Honduras Oh no

I don't think he ran either You're right he did He took a more efficient mode of transportation What did he do? Can't really call it a plane Planes fly We're making fun of a beloved Pittsburgh figure Can't really call it a plane. Planes fly. We're making fun of a beloved Pittsburgh figure.

He's like one of the few people that you can't joke about. And we just did. We could have said any other athlete, past or present. Even – No. The most recent I'll go is that Tennessee Titans kicker Rob Baronis. DUI. Oh. You drunk and-I. Oh. You drunk and yeah.

Okay. Jesus, I don't know if we can use any of this. Fuck. That's why it's not the best of the act. This is just by title. Friday, what a show. Super funny. It was a super funny fucking show.

Colby, what are your thoughts? Were you here? Yeah. That was when people were fucking show. Colby, what are your thoughts? Were you here? Yeah. That was when people were calling in thinking this was the last episode. That's right. You put on some sad music for us, and there was a lot of confusion about when the show was ending. And rather than quell people's fears or give them peace of mind. What's up, motherfucker? What's up, dog? Hey, pal. uh fears or give them peace of mind it's all good brother celebration yeah we're happy again i i just wanted to call him to say

thanks for everything you guys done on the radio I listen to this show religiously every day. I love it. And I just wanted to share a memory that I thought one of the best things I have heard on radio still to this day is Roan's hype intro to Steal My Sunshine. I mean, I laugh my balls off to that still. I mean, it was just one of the best things I've ever heard. And I just wanted to call in and say thanks. And if this is all real, man, I'm really going to miss you guys.

So good luck in your future endeavors. And again, thanks for everything you've done so far. No, thank you. It means the world to us that people enjoyed the bullshit that we did and said. Mike, Mike. I'm serious. You know, I just have one thing to say to you. We actually are going to be back next week, and you sound like a bitch.

You sound like a bitch right now. Oh, man. You're walking in. Jesus Christ. We have the whole other week of the show. Oh, my God. Look at you. Emotional. The fuck the show. Oh, my God. Look at you. Emotional.

The fuck was that? Oh, Mike. The fuck? You were spilling your feelings. Oh, bro, you are a lump of clay, Mike. Thanks for the call. You are easily manipulatable. I'm crying.

My favorite radio show. We're not even fucking, you can't even see us. You don't know us. We're ugly. Richie you can't even see us. You don't know us. We're ugly. Richie in Houston wants to get a memory off from the show. Colby, can you give us just that nice music just to set the tone for Richie from Houston? Richie, hey, man. You're on the line with us.

What's going on, brother? Hey, guys. You know, I'm real stealing it because I call into the act all the time, and I never get through. So one time, someone put – Well, nothing's changing, bitch. You're out of here. You don't know how many answers.

We're coming back next week. Fucking go back under the beam. Give it another shot. You're a fucking beam, you bum ass. That was Friday. What kind of name is Marty Bent? I just got to get this. Yeah. That is the most ridiculous name ever.

And there's people named Grimes Musk. And it's like, Marty Bent? What's the language of origin? what's the origin of there above i don't know um i don't know like i don't know anyways um that's just like real last name. Yeah, government name. Monday, we had Frank the Tank in. That's like Daryl Strawberry. Makes more sense.

If you had to make up a name on the fly, just like Marty, then you just see like, I don't know, like a field goal post. Metal straw. Marty. Yeah, you're watching Back to the Future and you just had a spinal reenactment. Yeah, a reenactment of Back to the Future and a scoliosis center. Yeah. I don't know, Marty. Oh, bet. So Monday. Oh, bet. So Monday.

Frank the Tank. Frank the Tank came in and stole the show. Frank the Tank, everybody knows this. It doesn't even need to be said. He's brilliant. Comedically, socially, great guy. Our friend, our true friend. We had him on to get us out of a pickle because he knows that we're all role players

and he decided to go take point. He saved the yak. He did save the yak. I think he batted a thousand. Easily. Talked a thousand. I don't know. He talked a thousand. He had a sack of burgers. Nonchalantly. What's in the bag? He had a big bag. He had a sack of burgers. A plane of burgers. Nonchalantly. We said, what's in the bag? He had a big bag. He had some soup. He was slurping soup, and it wasn't annoying, and it wasn't hindering how good his jokes and sounds and interjections were landing. But he came on, and we decided to play a game called Stump the Tank.

People would call in and ask them their hardest questions. And, well, I don't want to spoil it. I was going to continue. I had to burp. No, keep going. I don't want to spoil, like, how he did, but I think you'll get the gist fast. Right now. Eugene, welcome back to Stump the Tank.

What do you got for him? Yeah, this is actually my first time. Frank, I'm going to keep it quick. Name two countries that begin with K. I'll hold it quick. Name two countries that begin with K. I'll hold up one of them. Two countries that begin with K. You can phone anybody here. Well, we got Korea.

Can't give you that one. It's not unified quite yet. No, he's giving Korea, North, and Korea, South. Congrats, Frank. There's Korea. South Korea is actually Korea. And North Korea is the People's Republic of Korea. Hello.

The DPRK. The DPRK. Fuck. Kazakhstan. There it is. There it is. There you go. This tank cannot be stumped.

You want to take a break from stump tank, or do you want another one? Give me another one because I want to get ready for my walk. Get ready for your walk. Some sports stuff. Let's get some fucking sports. I got a sports one if you want. Sports. Let's see what Blaine has for us.

Blaine, welcome back to Stump the Tank. You got a question for him? All right, Tank. There's one quarterback in NFL history that's won a Super Bowl with two teams. Who is it? Jim McMahon. There's one quarterback in NFL history that's won a Super Bowl with two teams. Who is it? Jim McMahon. Nope.

Peyton Manning. Yes. No, that's wrong. Jim McMahon, too. Jim McMahon wore his Bears uniform. Oh, he means starting. Yes, Jim McMahon was the backup quarterback for Brett Favre in Super Bowl XXXI. And he wore his Bears jersey to the White House, did he not?

With the Packers. Yeah, he did. Yeah. You got reverse stumped. You got reverse stumped. Blaine. Blaine, you got stumped by Tank. I'm a dick. Oh!

We don't have to lay. We need to censor that. Oh! Oh, fuck. Oh, man. All right. We have a youper. Josh, a youpi.

Is it youpi or youper? Youper is from the UP. I think they're called youper. Huh? It's more you hear of youper. Oh, okay, okay. What's going on? We'll be there at the end of next month.

I listen to the act every day. Is that outhouse races? Is that in Trenary? Those are canceled because of COVID. So these ones are in Mackinac City. Oh, okay. Okay. Because I live, like, in Escanaba, which is, like, probably, like,

a half-hour from Trenary. I didn't know if they were having them or not. But there really isn't that much to do in the U.K. in the winter unless you want to like ice fish or snowmobile. Do you have a snowmobile that we could use maybe? That would be something. Yeah, we have two snowmobiles. Shit.

Okay. You know what? Why don't you DM the Yak Twitter account and actually DM KB. Yeah. I would like to shoot guns on snowmobiles. That would be cool. That would be some genius. We have guns where the snowmobiles are at.

Okay. Yeah, I would do that. Do you have any traps? I would like to go beaver trapping Brother, go to Dearborn Josh, thanks for calling You use trap liberally You can call it a trap

That's what they call it on the internet You're in for a surprise You know what, let's go to break yeah and uh frank i don't want to keep you from your walk you want to tease it where you're headed you any ideas yet when i hit the street i'll figure out where i'm going god damn that's how i yeah i i might walk towards uh maybe 23rd today or so it's a nice nice street. There's a Taco Bell down there. We need some Walk with Tank merch. Yeah, maybe. That would be something good.

I need to help getting design merchandise. I don't know what I'm doing. You know what, Tank? I got you. I'll help you design it. Let's talk after the show. When I get back to my walk. Yes, sir. Alright, brother. You can't stump me. You can't stump me. You can't stop me.

The man, Frank. Tuesday's show was a special one. Is that on his birth certificate? Marty Bent? It was KB's birthday. Marty fucking Bent. That guy's got to have a nickname, right? Marty Bent.

That is a nickname. I don't think that's his actual name. Mr. Bent. Bitcoin Marty. Yeah. Yeah, sorry, Owen. Yeah, sorry. Let's not talk about KB's birthday.

That's been played. No, yeah, let's not. Skipping Tuesday, let's go to Wednesday. Let's go to Wednesday. We got a belated birthday call from an actor, a celebrity. I would say he's one of the more famous people that have called in. And we've had Ryan Rosillo. Yeah.

Half of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. But this was the most famous. Well, he's still in school. Goes to Bluffington High. He's young. He is young. He's a young kid. You don't feel like it.

Leather jacket, suede shoes you probably already know now green flesh it's uh it's roger klotz roger klotz of doug it was surreal to have him call in no i i was losing it i saw roger from bluffington pop up on the boards and i was like wait no way not because like bluffington has a lot of people. Uh-huh. I think it had, like, over 100K. Easily. And, like, Roger was, like, a popular name. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be shocked if Chalky Studebaker called. Yeah.

But Roger Klotz called in. Roger Klotz called. And he called us some names. Let's jump right into that right now. Oh, Jesus. We have a call from Roger in Bluffington. Hey, what's up, Rog? Hey, what's up, Jared Nugget?

What's going on, Rog? Someone reached out to me on the internet and said it was KB's birthday today and I needed to give a shout out. Holy shit. Wait, is this Roger Klotz from the show Doug? Note it, closet it, bully. My name, don't wear it out, stupid. Holy shit, Rog. Thanks for calling, man.

Yeah, big fan. Listen, I want to also give a shout out to that cuckold Doug, always with Patty Manning. Are you and Patty, you guys have anything going on? Well, sometimes she'll vent to me about what a cuckold Doug is. Any nematodes? You see any nematodes recently? All over the place. All right, thanks. Thanks, Rog. Yeah. Any nematodes? You see any nematodes recently? All over the place.

All right. Thanks. Thanks, Rog. Oh, my God. He's so far in the closet pretending that he likes Patty. My God. Yeah. But he did slip a – what did he slip in her?

Come on, Patty. Just finish your drink. The concert's almost over. You might as well. The Beats are about to have their encore. I got these from Bill Cosby. Oh, yeah, dang. Yeah, you're on the exact same track that we are.

You might as well. Sass, Doug was a cartoon on Nickelodeon. Yeah, it was like a green and aqua colored man. Doug was the only white guy. He was white. What show? Doug. The show, Doug, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, man. Thank you, Rog. Most guys have – I'll do it as Roger Klotz. Roger Klotz would like Roman Swipes. Yeah, he would. Most guys have tried thinking... Most guys have tried different ways to last longer, like thinking of Porkchop's dog dick.

But that doesn't always work. The folks at Roman, an online men's health company, are changing the game with Roman Swipes, the secret to longer-lasting sex. I use it when I'm fucking Patty, and that cuckold Doug has to watch. Roman Swipes are clinically proven as a way to last longer in bed. They're effective and easy to use and fast-acting, and they don't require a prescription. They're super easy to use. You just take out the swipe packet,

swipe it on your green dick, and let it dry and you're good to go. That's it. Go to GetRoman.com slash yak to get your first month of swipes for just $5 when you choose a monthly plan like I do. They ship it right to my house in Bluffington. That's GetRoman.com slash yak. Yeah, all right.

Also on Wednesday, we had... Patty, the Beats are about to play Killer Tofu. You barely finished your drink. I paid $14.99 for that. Let's work our drink. I don't care if you feel dizzy. I'll hold you up. Crash at my place.

You can have my bed. I'll just sleep on the cold hard floor You don't have to invite me into bed Patty But it is cold down here Yeah I know You're really tired Go to sleep I'll just be right here

On the floor Can I have a piece of your blanket? Alright I'll go up in bed with you, but we don't We'll sleep back to back Alright Are you awake? Patty? Patty?

Wednesday we also had Patty, go back to sleep. Patty, it's... What are you doing still up, Patty? I don't want to make you Uber back to your place. Just crash at mine. Well, just go to sleep normally. Stop foaming at the mouth.

I could klotz all day. That was killing me. Patty. What else can we do besides drugged? Drug doesn't have to be your DD. You've barely drank. I'll drive you. We are also on radio today, Nick. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we were. A little up-and-comer came into the studio with you and Kyle. Yeah, we were joined by Dan Katz. What can you say about the guy? He was nervous. Yeah, he's trying hard. He's trying hard. But he popped in, and I didn't look at the prep sheet.

What are we talking about? He's fucking with Gonzo today. I don't think that is on. Oh, yeah. As you know, our serious deal was about to come to an end. But don't be sad. Be happy. We had a lot of great times.

We had a lot of great memories with Gonzo and the other guys. The boys. Eric. Eric. Eric is actually the man. He's been the man. Evan. Eric. Eric. Eric is actually the man. He's been the man. Steve. Steven.

Eric, Steven, Gonzo. All really good guys. And they know we bust balls. That's in our blood. We're dudes. We're hetero. We bust balls. We bend them.

We bend them. Bent. Can you repeat that? What was that? It's B-E-N-T. No, you don't have to spell it. I'm just like, is it actually? Just say that again.

Is your name actually bent? The way you said it, I'm just baffled. But yeah. But we like to have fun, and we're really appreciative for Sirius giving us the platform. And it was a good run, but we got to fuck around a little bit. And so we were fucking with Gonzo today. But then he fucked with us right back. He fucked back.

Hard. You fuck Gonzo, he fucks back. Whether you want him to or not. I learned that the hard way. Gonzo, quit it. Gonzo. Leave me alone, Gonzo. But here we are fucking the Gonzo.

Gonzo, don't get Porkchop involved. Just fuck me. And here we go. Adam in Illinois wants to show us all some appreciation. Owen, why don't you say hi to Adam. Adam. What's up? Hey, guys.

Hey. Yo. Hey, I just want to let you know that Sirius has lost my business. Once the act ends. And Robin Hood. Oh, he got cut. Oh, my God. Wait, seriously?

Yeah. Wait, I didn't touch him. You didn't actually touch anything. Your hands are up. Wasn't me. Oh, my God. Wait, seriously? Yeah. Wait, I didn't touch a mic. You didn't actually touch anything. Your hands are up. Wasn't me. Oh, my God. A guy like you. These mics are hot.

The hedge funds are listening. It's serious like Robin Hood. They're just cutting shit off. We'll talk about that real quick, how awesome that is. We need somebody to call. Let's test that again. Okay, yeah. If somebody wants to call in, just bad mouth serious and see if it gets cut.

Right. We're not telling you to, but if you did. Hey, man, do you have anything to say about any? I don't know. Do you have anything to talk about? That's what's the opposite of like laid back? Hey, what's the opposite of laid back? What's the opposite of casual?

Oh, my God. Wow. We're getting silenced. Yeah, we are. This is sick. He hung up. He hung up. Wow. Oh, no. We're getting silenced. Yeah, we are. This is sick. This is awesome. Jordan wants to talk about stocks. Jordan, I'm winking right now.

Jordan. Jordan, let's talk about stocks. Oh, my God. Yeah. We've been silenced. Holy shit. We've been censored. I know.

I saw this coming. This is fucking bullshit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh you actually are Yeah And now you're giving us

A real look Yeah And now we actually Have to talk Yeah big cat Can you switch chairs No No

This isn't on me I'm a guest on this show Okay I think I speak for everyone When I say that The chronicle that Mr. Socks delivered yesterday Left the listeners With more questions than answers.

So let's bring him back in, White Sox Dave, to retell that story, start to finish. Did you guys talk about GameStop, though, how funny it is? Bitcoin Marty's coming on. Oh, really? Yeah. Actually, we're doing a two-hour episode with him tomorrow. And by vibes, what's – It's a bad vibes episode. What is that?

We got our kill that episode because it turned into an ASMR station. Lulling. Friday Sorrows with GameStop Marty. GameStop Marty, yeah. Yeah, I have to leave this seat. I got in trouble. No, I'm not taking that seat. No, yeah. Fuck that. Yeah, I have to leave this seat. I got in trouble. No, I'm not taking that seat. No, yeah.

Fuck that. Yeah, I can see you. No, you're in trouble. You stay in trouble. I'm shaking. Is that guy's name Gonzo? Good. Yeah.

Oh, Gonzo yelled at you? I would not have. For him to be behind that glass. Yo, Gonzo, what's up? Is Gonzo there? Yeah, he's there. We should get Gonzo versus KB for one last time. Oh, my God.

KB, you want to talk to us? Dude, Gonzo and KB have one of the greatest rivalries of all time. Gonzo hates KB. Gonzo, what up, dude? He's chatting right now. He's saying he doesn't want to talk? Just a quick Gonzo story. I got a Tex-Mex spot in my neighborhood called Gonzo's.

Well, that's racist. No. That's not. called Gonzo's and they uh well that's racist no um and they sell a burgerville which is a cheeseburger quesadilla with potatoes in it comes with a side of the spicy brown mustard that's a great story Gonzo said there is no rivalry he doesn't he doesn't look at you as an equal oh it's kind of like Ohio State Michigan kind of thing like KB hasn't had a win in a long time. Here's SiriusXM now when you're out of the car. Hear more of what you like, like Barstool Radio. It says the ad read KB must read.

Yes. Yes, the ad read KB must read. Yeah, I know what he's saying. Can't hang up on Kyle. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. He's getting ready. Here he goes, folks.

It's finally a new year, the perfect time to shit. Take your business to the next level by hearing fuck. No, we're not going to do that. I like those guys. I love them to death. For those parents of the people on the yak that are the only people listening right now, I have a very quick story about Putt-Putt. I think you guys would enjoy it. All right. For those parents of the people on the yak that are the only people listening right now. I have a very quick story about Putt-Putt.

I think you guys would enjoy it. All right, buckle up. Does anyone have a long story about Putt-Putt? We'll make it. So Long Beach Island, New Jersey is a popular Jersey Shore place. And my grandma lives somewhat near there. Wait, it's Long Beach? Long Beach Island, New Jersey. Island, okay.

So there's this mini golf course there. There are a few, but there's one that's called the Sand Track. Slow down. So it's off the coast of Jersey? When you say Long Beach Island, I think Long Island, and then I'm like, well, Jersey. So it's an island that you have to drive out there to? Correct. Okay.

Are there any golf courses there or just mini golf courses? Maybe some golf courses. I don't know. I've never played them. There's a bunch of mini golf courses. I was golf courses. I don't know. I've never played them. There's a bunch of mini golf courses. I was always the let's go to the go-kart track. Yeah, you were. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So there was always a sign there growing up that I would see that said, Tuesdays they had a tournament. But I was never up there during the week, so I was unable to do it. How old are you? At the time of this story, that was all growing up. At the time of this story, I'm 19 years old. Every summer, you drive by, and you're like, Tuesdays.

Yeah, but I'd go up there on the weekend. You're always there on the weekends, never all week. I like this. This is something that you just think about every day. I love how this is our last yak, and Stephen Chay's episodic story, the one that took the whole yak, was so beloved that we're doing it again this will be two minutes yeah we'll see so 19 years old please please so anyway i get the opportunity to play when i'm 19 years old my parents get a house there for the week

i go i play in this tournament in this did you pay for it i love this yeah it's like five it's whatever the cost of an around is it's like five. It's whatever the cost of a round is. It's like five. It's like Tuesday morning at 10 o'clock. And you're pumped up. Oh, I'm pumped up. Damn it. I've been waiting my whole life to play in this tournament.

I get there and they put you. And this is at a mini golf course. This is great. This is good. So, all right. I get put in a foursome with two 10-year-old twins. All right. all right. I'm 19.

I'm huge. I'm 6'2", 6'2", 6'3". 40 time? I'm 19 years old. I mean, yeah, mid-fours. Mid-fours. Wide receiver, like, three in the NFL, somewhere around there. Yeah.

So wide receiver three in the NFL playing putt-putt with two twin 10-year-olds. Yeah. 45 seconds left. Yeah. So I play the round of my life. Okay. I fall apart on 17, so I get a 41 through 18 holes. I was averaging.

I was going to get just over a two per hole. Okay. So I go to a playoff. How do you fall apart on a hole? What did you get? It was difficult i couldn't get around this one rock so rock or boulder or even rock a stone maybe maybe a stone it was a difficult hole i fell for i lost my composure i threw my club on the ground i love

this it's bad wait you with the 10 year olds-olds? Yeah. Have the twins do it. 19-year-old Stephen Chey losing his composure with two twin 10-year-olds next to you. Yes, and there was probably like an 11- or 12-year-old. Was this clarified? They were twin boys? Time out, time out, time out. This is a real question I need the answer to. Were you the oldest person in this tournament? By far.

Oh, my God. I just dawned on me. It was a kid's tournament. Two twin 10-year-olds and an 11-year-old. It's a youth event. I was the only person over six feet. There was like, nobody was over like five, four. And you've been lusting for this tournament your entire youth.

And finally you're 19 years old and you're like, finally I can go and win this tournament. Were you the only pubes on the course? Maybe a couple. Yeah, I mean, definitely the only pubes on the course? Maybe a couple. Yeah, I mean, definitely the only probably full. Yeah, full bush. Full bush. Yes.

So. Definitely. Oh, I would pay so much for like a footage of this. So due to falling apart on 17th, I would have won going away. I go to a three-way playoff with two, like, 12-year-olds. I underestimated this story so much. How have you been sitting on this story forever? This is your best story ever by far. We never talked about mini golf.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. We never talked about egging on Halloween either. Okay, so to reset, you totally blow 17. You're in the lead. You're cruising. You blow 17. Cruising. You clean it up on 18.

Now you're in a three-way playoff. You just went from playing with two 10-year-olds to two 11-year-olds. One was 12. The other kid must have been like 9 or 10. Oh, my God. Nine? What was the prize? Yeah, what's the prize? You get a very small trophy like this. I have like 9 or 10. Oh, my God, 9? What was the prize? Yeah, what's the prize?

You get a very small trophy like this. I have it in my closet. Oh, wait. Tyler Che. What the fuck? Tyler Che. Oh, no, it would be funny if he's like, I beat the fuck out of this 9-year-old after he beat me.

Yeah, so you have the trophy. Was there ever a moment where you're like, I'm way too old for this? As soon as I saw, as soon as I bought my ticket, I was like, are any other people coming? Follow up, follow up. I don't know. I assume there were parents around.

Did they have concerns? There were parents. Wait, did you drive yourself? Yes. I was definitely the only person that held it. There were parents watching their kids. Yes. There had to have been. It's her all the time. Why, my God. There were parents watching their kids. Yes. It had to have been.

It's terrible. You could have left. I already paid. He's been thinking about it his whole entire life. I was probably the first person there. I'm not kidding. I've been waiting my whole life for this. It's his whole life to play in a fucking youth putt-putt tournament.

I want to go. Do you think this place is still open? It is still open. You got to go back. We got to go this summer. You got to fucking be like, I'm here to defend my title. It's got to be on a Tuesday. That's true.

Good point. But, yeah, so the first – so the playoff is, you know, you play until someone wins the hole. And then I get pretty serious because I'm pretty pissed I fell apart in 17. I go full intimidation mode on this little kid. Wait, wait. You get pretty serious. What is that?

What is that? It's Jeff's lunchbox. Hold on. Time out. What is that? Oh, my God. Jeff's lunchbox. Jeff's lunchbox.

His four-year-old lunchbox. His Kickstarter lunchbox. Everything is happening at once. Everything's happening at once. It's here. Wow. Wow. Jeff's been waiting for a lunchbox.

The scam. The scam of the century. It got delivered here? I hope he opens it up and it's one that you could buy at Walmart. He has to. Should he do it on here? He can. I don't know if he's going to leave it. I one that you could buy at Walmart. He has to, should he do it on here? He can. I mean, that's a big deal. It is a big deal. And I would like to make, I would like to

involve myself. Tell him to come in. Tell him to come in. We gotta get to the end of this story, but tell him to come in. So hole one is a windmill. It's just your classic. A windmill at one? Yeah, windmill at one. Good God. We're back at one. What were your scores? Windmill is two. First hole is just a straight shot. Okay shot yeah okay so what one two three what'd you do the first time

around the first 18 uh 41 no no but do you remember how you did on holes one two and three i'm saying i think i was two all the way until great something okay so i stand steady one kid gets eliminated so it's me versus another kid for the championship on two, and it's a windmill. Did the kid cry when he got eliminated? Maybe, like, pouted and, like, did a little. Did the kids ever complain that you were there? Did you flex on them? I don't think complain. One kid, like, asked how, like, big I was or how old I was.

This is so Stephen Chase. He saves his greatest story for the last yak ever. This is by far the best story you've ever had. Can we have your trophy for the set of the YouTube show? Amazing. I'll bring it on Monday. People will come in and be like, what's that? Oh, that's when our

producer won a fucking putt-putt as a 19-year-old against a bunch of 11-year-olds. Alright, so you eliminate one of the 11-year-olds. You were older than all the staff, the referees. No, no. The guy taking tickets was probably like 90 years old. Okay, good. Thank God.

All right, so you eliminate an 11-year-old. Yep, we're on two. And who's left? I think I eliminated the 9-year-old. Okay. It's like an 11-year-old and like six six foot three you're 19 six you're 19 we know you're big yeah 19 years old you eliminated the nine year old 19 and a half at this point yes um yeah i can't believe there was not a moment where you're like this is weird i'm in college

yeah i mean were you i've been thinking about this tournament my whole life were you at the beach with other college-age kids or with your parents? With my parents. You were in between your freshman and sophomore year in college? Yes. Why didn't you do it when you were younger? 19 and 9 is the biggest. That is mentally 10 years ago.

Human-wise, the biggest difference a man, humans can be is 19 and 9. Like if a 31-year-old and a 21-year-old played, like who cares? That happens in pro sports. A 19-year-old and a 9-year-old. They don't let 9-year-olds play in the Little League World Series. They're too young for that. Yeah. So I forget how we decided, but I was the first one to go in the playoffs.

So second hole is the windmill. You just got to get straight through, little crack. I get it through, and now we got this 11-year-old. I'm 6'3", 180. You keep saying that. The fact is you're 19. This kid's 4'11", 90 pounds probably. And I hit it through.

He's 11. I hit it through. I have a fairly makeable two-putt. And then I just sit at the tee and I'm just staring at him. As he hits and he hits it right into the wall. Like the thing wall. I win. I get my trophy.

Did you celebrate? I did like a little pump. Was anyone watching? I don't know. Probably not. I mean, so many people are filtered out by then. Nobody's watching the end. They just want to see their kids get eliminated and they bounce.

Did you – was this like – when you got in the car, did you have in your head – I did like a fist pump. Yeah, like a middle mental checklist list like, boom, done with that. The goals in my life are buy a house, start a family, win the putt-putt tournament in Long Island City or whatever the fuck it is. Long Beach Island. Long Beach Island as a 19-year-old against 9-year-olds. Boom. Check that off.

I mean, I stopped after the first sentence, but yeah. I was excited I won. Lifetime goal. Did you tell your parents when you got home? Of course. And what did they say? They didn't really ask about the competition, but they were like, left that part out i mean that's the you know that's subtext so did you got did they use like a child's putter and you used the one for the adults i used the

longer one and they used the the colored ones i would after after that day when you told your parents have you ever told any of your friends or anybody else's story ever um uh probably i assume like my wife when you know we're moving stuff and i'm moving that trophy along with you know my clothes is my clothes and god the things i do for that the podium picture oh my god the top three i i actually this now totally takes over the the running a-yard dash story. I need video of this. I'll send you the picture tonight. You have a picture. No, just me of the

trophy. If you had a picture. Someone asked on Twitter. I think I got a free game and a trophy. And maybe an ice cream cone. There's an ice cream place next door, so maybe a coupon. I don't think it was. Is there any pictures out there of you in this tournament this was like 2005 so no fuck oh yeah they didn't have cameras back then um barely what someone just asked on twitter which

is a very important question what was the length of your shorts they were pretty long i was wearing okay okay wait no you know what exactly what you were they were pretty long i was wearing okay okay wait no you know what exactly what you were wearing i remember what i was wearing yes give it give us head to toe kentucky basketball so it was white i remember i ordered them off like uh east bay but i ordered a size too big because they were too long um you thought you thought for a while stephen shay definitely thought he was going to be 7 feet. He's like, I'm going to buy these. He's prepping. Triple XL.

Because by 19, I will be a 7-footer. I ordered an XL. But then 2005, the style was baggy. So they were naturally a little bit too long. So I was wearing those. And then some type of restaurant shirt probably. Yeah. Probably.

Someone, yeah, Joey Langone just tweeted the Andy Reid picture. That really is you. Yeah, the pump-passing the Andy Reid picture. That really is you. Yeah, the punt passing kick. Yeah, that's me playing mini golf. I do not know how you did it. I don't know how you saved your greatest story for the last day. This makes sense. This is typical.

The best story ever told on this show. Yes. Two twin 10-year-olds. Well, the field was probably like 20, 25 people. They were matching outfits, yes. 19-year-old Steven Jay with two matching 10-year-old twins. 25 different 9 to 11-year-olds. It's Steven Jay. Probably like just towering over all of them. There was another team there. year old twins 20 25 different nine to nine to 11 year olds and steven jay probably like

just powering over all of them there were there was another team there i think there was like a 13 or 14 year old yeah who do you think is going to win this competition probably that adult yeah probably the guy who's a foot taller than everyone and you never for a second were like maybe it's five dollars but i'll give the five dollars back because i don't want to play never when you tried to when you paid the five dollars they didn't say hey this is i was the first one it says they do it every tuesday the sign says all so that's on them you you played in the rules i'm playing in the rules so we need to get back there okay what the sand trap that's on 23rd street it's gotta be a t a Tuesday. It's got to be a Tuesday.

It's got to be a Tuesday. I assume they still do it. The sand trap? The sand trap, yep. Those kids probably work in Wall Street now. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. Well, no, they're probably still like... God, can you imagine?

Those kids are like going to prom. There'd never be a way to... They're about to graduate. There'd never be a way to prove it. They're your age when you were in the tournament it's some of them yeah yeah it's new it's new jersey's uh most challenging mini golf course that's what it says uh arguably uh there's some very difficult holes on the course i was there a name of the tournament um no there's got to be a new oh my god

there's a huge banner so they have a big, like, chain. Oh, my God. Look at this. If you go on their Instagram, they have, like, they post the Tuesday winners. Oh, really? Yeah, and they're all fucking 10 years old. That is a top. Jacob Tremblay.

These are the five years ago. The celebrity. Who's this guy? Was there an older? No. This is. I wish we could find. I've never been to another tournament because I haven't been down there during the week.

I guarantee you there's some person who's like definitely someone who's a stoolie. I don't know if they specifically listen to the show who played against you. I just don't know if we'd ever be able to prove it. Someone would lie. But the odds are if you played 25 or someone has to be a degree of separate. Someone listening has to have a friend. Yes. What year was it, Che?

Or family member. 2000. It was the summer of 2019. I'd almost love it if you were just in the background of somebody's photo. That would be better. Just taller than them still, but 25 feet in the background.

The guy's wearing a blue t-shirt and the Kentucky white and blue shorts. This is so... I mean, look at it. I understand what happened. That is a sign that would make you golf every Tuesday at 10 a.m. And you'd say, wow, I have to go win this. It's a huge thing. It's on Main Street, so I'd pass it every time I go to the beach and stuff.

I'd be like, damn, I wish I was here the week I played in that tournament. Somebody just tweeted us the picture of Tiger and his son. Dude, you're a beast. Was there small talk between you and the twins as you played or banter? Yeah, a little bit. They were friendly. I couldn't remember their names, and I kept getting them mixed up. They weren't twins.

Do you remember their full names? I don't. They were identical twins wearing the same outfit. Okay, so if you're an identical twin in that area, I would love to hear their perspective. They probably don't live in that area. It's probably vacation. It's a beach town, so people typically only go during the summer. Man.

Yeah, there's a couple twins out there. Remember the day that we got our asses kicked? The little kids. I mean, it's so funny. They were nice. They were rooting for me towards the end because it was very clear i was going to win the tournament like towards the back nine but then when i fell apart until the back nine for to be very clear you're going to win the tournament not when you were 19 versus a bunch of nine-year-olds i was one or two on every hole

until 17 have you ever almost thrown the trophy out and said no? No, never. Oh, come on. That was a stupid question, Brady. Bad question. Bad. Unbelievable. What a story. You're a beast, dude. You're built different. Yeah.

No one can take that away from you. They can't. That flag flies forever. Facts. It's engraved in everything. We got to go down there this summer. What do you mean? Did you engrave it yourself?

No, I can't engrave it. I would love to go down there on a Tuesday and do a live show and just watch you play against a bunch of little kids, and we heckle you. Try to get the kids to win. You guys are going to love the trophy, too. It's probably six to eight inches tall. We just saw it online.

Oh, you saw the trophy. Well, it might be different. It evolved a little bit. Slightly bigger than a palm. All right, yeah. Is your name on it? No. They're slightly bigger than a palm.

Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. Great story, Steven. That was. Fuck, man. That's so good.

That's so good. Hello. I hope all is well. And thank you for all of this. I don't know if it's the end of the Best of the Yak podcast. Is it? I don't know if this will continue. I don't know. What I do know is that the YouTube show will be 10 to 50 times better.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I know tomorrow's our last day on Sirius. Two-hour Friday vibes mixed in with the usual show should be awesome. Somebody once said, don't smile because it's over. Oh, fuck, I fucked that up. And everybody, that is pretty much the premise of our show.

And with this YouTube show, you'll be able to hear things like that as well as see our dead eyes. You can describe it because it's over. Smile because it's still going to be the same exact thing, but better. Stoic. That's the magic of YouTube. You would be able to see Owen

just stare at his feet and frown after making that flub on YouTube for the rest of the show. And me insulting him while looking at that chair to the left of him. Yeah, honestly, the YouTube could be just very uncomfortable to watch yeah but i need people to try it out colby is going to grow out his mustache since it's a visual show and uh you could be canceled very quickly that wasn't a great that was not a great time not at all do you want to clear your name? Yes. All right, guys. That is the best of the act.

Best of the act. Thank you for listening. Until next time.