The Yak - The Secret To Getting Top Tier P*ssy | The Yak 1-7-21
Episode Date: January 8, 2022DaléYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
What up, what up?
It's the Yak.
Sass is out.
Brandon's out.
You may have saw Brandon 35 seconds ago on the previous show, but now he's out.
So it's me.
It's KB.
It's Rudy.
We have Jordan back.
New face.
We have a new fucking face.
Slowly.
KB, mean ass fit.
For real?
For real, for real.
We got GOM in the building.
Oh, goddamn.
O'Malley, what's going on?
Introduce yourself.
Name's O'Malley.
What's up?
You created Chicken Fry.
Yeah, I know.
I gave birth to her.
Yeah.
That's my little side project, though.
What's the least favorite thing
About your mom?
What?
What do you hate the most
About your mom?
What the hell?
I was giving you an alley-oop
Oh dude
I'm not
This is like a set up
Kind of thing
You've done this before
What's that?
You were asked this before
And you said something about
Like being breastfed
Until I was like
Nine or something.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Is that true?
Were you?
Yeah.
I couldn't stop.
Was it your choice or hers?
We're here with Rudy as well.
What up?
No, that was all me.
Yeah.
And then she tried to pack it up for lunch, and it was kind of weird.
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, I know.
The screening's tight, though.
KB, you invited some two youngsters on the show, too.
Mad Dog and Fran's sister, Gia.
And guess what?
Tardy.
It's a bad sign.
Yeah, you would think they would maybe care.
You think they'd pounce on the opportunity.
I sure did.
Yeah, you sprinted in here.
This is the modern day.
Yep, look at that.
That's where they should be.
Look at that.
We give you a platform.
Big cat on.
Nah, I guess we won't make it.
Pass.
Go down the sass route.
No one even cares anymore.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Look how disgusting this studio is.
That's it.
It's funny how like Barstool Sports, like I always tell people when I meet them,
I'm like, dude, you don't get it.
Like everyone there is really cool. They're kind of nerdy. Like it's much less than you'd think. And then I people When I meet them I'm like dude you don't get it Like everyone there is really cool
Or kind of nerdy
Like it's much less than you'd think
And then I walk into the office
And I'm like fuck man
It just looks like
How everyone thinks it does
Yeah
It looks exactly how
Like someone who doesn't know
Barstool Sports
Would imagine it looks
We just got a random
Skate deck on the ground
Yeah
That's fly
There's Pat
Oh here they are.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Your emotions are valid is what Mad Dog's hoodie says.
Well, guess what?
Our time is invaluable, I guess.
Is our time not valuable?
Okay, just get on.
Well, let's talk into the mic.
I know you've never done this before.
Well, now I'm fucking nervous because there's four girls and me.
I wanted to come in at 12.58 and Gia was like, they don't want us on there.
I thought that Nick would come up and be like, hey, we're going.
Come on.
No, they don't do that.
No, yeah.
Just show up.
And I was like, let's go.
I was beeping and bopping ready to go.
So KB invited all you ladies.
Beeping and bopping.
No, it wasn't like that.
KB.
And then you put on your fly a shirt That the world has never seen
And you showed it to me when you bought it
Months ago and I was like dude you gotta wear that
Tonight and he's like nah I gotta wait
I was like for what
And then now you're wearing it
You fucking weirdo
I wasn't saving this
I acquired it
You got that for buying the most bras
You're fucking the raw girl.
Raw.
Oh, dang.
You dirty doll.
Raw chick is hot.
Raw chick is hot.
Yeah, she's super hot.
It's a raw chick?
Yeah, it's like a chick in a bikini.
She's like the face of raw?
KB's fucking the face of raw.
It's a cartoon.
It's a cartoon blonde.
He's face fucking her.
Yeah, it's a cartoon blonde girl.
That rolls papers.
Is it like the raw Betty Boop?
Huh?
I don't know.
Yeah, kind of.
Betty Boop is curvaceous as hell. Betty Boop? Huh? I don't know. Yeah, kind of.
Betty Boop is curvaceous as hell.
Betty Boop was the original BBL.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Oh, dang.
That was Zaz's sexual awakening,
Betty Boop.
Really?
Yeah, very true.
You got my attention.
Run that,
oh, shit.
She was not about,
wasn't Betty Boop like racist?
Yes, she was. Her acts were just very racist.
They all were back then.
Yeah.
So it's cool.
It's all Gucci.
You don't care about that, Zaha.
There you go.
Mine was Lola Bunny for sure.
Why were they all cartoons?
Because that's the first thing you see.
Why were all what cartoons?
Like all your sexual awakenings.
Yeah.
Not me.
What was yours?
Ren from Even Stevens.
Yeah, but you just liked that she had a silent W in her name.
That's what turned you on.
I did.
Mine was a cartoon as well.
Mine was Debbie Thornberry.
Oh, what?
Yeah, she was like a...
Was that the blonde?
No, that's the blonde sister.
The blonde sister.
Sexy cartoons.
Incredibles, Evil Woman.
Oh, yeah.
The white hair.
Fool her up.
Safe search off, fool her up.
She sure is smoking. She's curvaceous. She is disgusting. Safe search off. Pull her up. DJ.
She sure is smoking.
She's curvaceous.
DJ is disgusting.
I thought you meant Edna.
DJ.
Edna.
Do you know Jake Malasek?
No capes.
He has your dad blocked on Twitter.
What the fuck?
I'm going to beat that kid up.
He doesn't like your mom's brownies.
And he has...
Why does Brandon look like such a young boy?
Pen up.
Pen up.
He looks like he's on a field trip.
Get his fit.
He looks so young.
He's trying to brag about his fit today, too.
He's wearing a Nike hoodie and Adidas pants.
And his jacket is Sean John.
What?
Because it's two white names.
I had to break it to him.
He was livid.
He was so pissed off.
That's funny.
KB, where did you get that shirt?
Thrift shop.
Liar.
You're lying to us.
There's no way.
There's no way.
That's not what you told us 10 minutes ago.
Where'd you guys get your blouses?
Especially you two.
This was Alex Bennett's Christmas present to me.
She made it herself?
No, she bought it.
Her?
Her?
She is hot.
That's not who I was thinking of.
She is sexy.
The icy blonde.
Icy blondes are fire.
When she walks, her body...
She's shaking those little hands.
She's Mariah Carey.
Search Mirage Inevitables GIF.
That's thin spoke.
Let's get her in motion.
Have you guys ever seen Lion King 2? No. Oh, yeah. Look up. Yeah, let's get this thing. Let's get her in motion.
Have you guys ever seen Lion King 2?
No.
Oh, the girl lion?
The girl lion's love interest.
Like the boy lion?
Yeah.
I was asking. Yeah, are there any guy cartoons at White Sox Dave's territory?
White Sox Dave was attracted to Nala.
Nala.
Still is.
Simba.
Is that an underage issue?
Nala?
Adult Nala. Adult Nala adult world yeah half the movie she's
a baby yeah she's like a cub oh my god oh is she like uh she's like mysterious sexy she is
she's the is she a whore nice save oh yeah no she she was a fucking slut she was trying to like
mack on Mr. Incredible Yeah
Fucking Homer
Remember
Yeah
Yeah look at him
Yeah
She's like
I know her
Big strong arms
I know one of those
Really
You know Mirage
There's a couple of those
In New York
Yeah
Where
Yeah
Soho
I'll take you up
Rudy you know
I don't
I want to find my Mirage
That'd be cool
Rudy dresses like a bum And just because your face is perfectly symmetrical, everybody's
like, Rudy's fit is incredible.
You wear chains, though, too.
It's all it takes.
It's all it takes.
Chains help.
You guys need to get some chains in your game.
No, it doesn't fucking help, Rudy.
It does.
No.
I think Gia's got the hardest fit.
It's three centimeters of bone that you have in your jaw that I don't.
No, you're being...
No, it's confidence.
You're sneaky hot.
That's fucked up.
You're hot.
I told Gia that the other day. I go, Nick
doesn't get enough credit.
No, but he...
This is so fucked up.
I should get immediate credit.
What do you mean credit?
What do you want?
Nothing. I don't want anything.
Nick could be posted on Barstool Boners.
TJ, put on Cute Cam.
That's my dream.
Put on Barstool Boners.
Oh, Maddie.
Very well will be one day.
Maddie, do you have a dad?
He wishes no.
Wait, Barstool Boners is an account?
It's a Reddit thread.
Thank you, TJ.
I was told about it my first week here. Don't pull it up. It's a Reddit thread. Thank you, TJ. It's action, it's action. I was told about it
like my first week here.
Don't pull it up, but it's funny.
Don't pull it up.
It's depraved.
Cute cam.
That's cool.
Aww.
I think Gia's got the hardest fit.
Gia does have really hard fits.
Always, every day.
Thank you.
Go hard in the pain, my man.
And the jewelry.
Your jewelry's fire.
Thank you.
So Gia is Fran's sister.
You guys are exact opposites.
But we don't want your Gia. Thank you. Your Gia. Your Barstool Gia. That's sister. You guys are exact opposites. But we don't want your Gia.
Your Barstool Gia.
That's her tag.
Follow her.
Barstool Gia.
Breaking news.
Barstool launched a men's grooming line today called Wood, capital W.
And we're lucky enough to be with the face of it right now, KB.
Yeah.
You smell like your favorite bloggers.
The sense or money. KB. Yeah. Smell like your favorite bloggers. Censor money.
I smelled them yesterday.
KB and I,
I can't wait to go out
this weekend.
We had to do the commercial
with the hottest guy
in the city.
I was making him crack up.
You were making him
genuinely laugh.
We had to do like 50 takes.
He kept giggling.
But I didn't know
he was...
Jeremy from Love Island.
I didn't know he was...
So funny.
Oh, wait.
Really?
Yeah.
My question is, was he actually naked?
Shampoo.
There's KP's voice.
Body wash.
Wood.
Sexy voiceover.
This guy must work out.
I bet this guy's name is Kent.
Was he actually naked?
No.
Yeah, that's a big question.
I think we got the point across.
I definitely would use wood, but now I would rather not keep staring at a naked man.
I'm good either way.
Let's just keep staring.
Okay.
That's not what I said.
Baby, great delivery.
That was like, let's just keep staring.
That's not what I fucking said.
I had a full line that came after that.
What was it?
This is something cute.
I can't wait to go out to the sports bar this weekend with you.
And they're going to be like, yo, Nick from Rediscovering America and KB from the Barstool Soap.
Great to meet you, man.
Yeah, cool shirt.
I had a script.
They gave me a script and it was like lines and it was like I had to say like
this guy looks like
his name is Kent.
We saw that.
Yeah.
But what was that last line?
Can we go to the last line
of that commercial?
Because it sounded like
you were going to
did you forget
a part of it?
Listen,
just keep staring.
During that take, I forgot the rest of the line.
And they just used that one.
Oh, they went with that one.
It didn't make sense.
What was the rest of the line?
I forget.
I'm sure it was great.
Thank you.
Can we clip that for Yak Twitter?
No.
How awkward would it be if he got wood while promoting wood oh yeah with all
those so i was in a figure drawing class uh in college and the guy got a boner that we were
drawing wait wait wait you were in a what figure drawing i was uh i have a bfa a bachelor of fine
arts oh that's sick still what do you mean if they would come in and stand on like something
like this and hold like a skull and just naked, men and women. You used pencils or?
Charcoals, pastels, pencils.
I was in a figure drawing class and the guy got a boner and we had to take a break.
Oh, fuck.
But then the guy would come around.
All right, break up.
Everyone go home for a second.
Are you drawing it?
Well, they were students and they made $50 an hour and it was a three-hour class.
Wow.
$150 to just stand naked.
$150 to get a boner.
My friend did it.
Yeah. And it was a three-hour class. Wow. $150 to just stand naked. $150 to get a boner. My friend did it. My friend.
But this guy would come around and look at the drawings of himself naked on break.
That's fucked up.
So I made his cock wide.
I mean, you've got to be a narcissist to do that.
I made it really wide.
So you could be a student at a college and just pose naked in a classroom.
Of your penis.
I don't think that was a thing at my school.
If you call it art.
Not North Dakota. North Dakota didn't have that. I don't think that was a thing at my school if you call it all right not north dakota north dakota didn't have that i don't think miami ohio did either
miami ohio you're just gonna keep i know you love we've been in that conversation yeah i know
favorite place you say it every time i say it every time i'm on this oh that place is amazing
and every time i tell good school he loves it you love miami ohio hockey there the most underrated
school in america is miami ohio well Ohio. You're like a douche bag.
It's a big hockey school.
Miami, Ohio is a good school.
It's a great place.
I was going to say something.
It's just all the same people.
Cissette White.
All privileged people.
Wait.
You want to fall back real quick?
Yeah, fall back.
Where'd you go?
Michigan State.
That's a very diverse, different.
It's a lot of people.
50,000 kids.
You don't know where you're going to get them.
Where are you from?
New Jersey.
Okay.
Listen, you're talking about things.
How many times have you been to Europe for vacation?
Actually, that's a good question.
Let's just go around the room.
I wasn't saying myself.
I wasn't saying myself.
I was just saying Miami, Ohio.
Miami, Ohio is cool.
We'll just cut right to the chase.
It has the most hot girls of any school in America.
Really?
Is that true?
Yeah, I love one.
We're ranked number one for most attractive women
and number two for most attractive men.
Who's making that poll?
Not me.
There's no metrics to measure that.
My friends are hot.
I love when you're talking to a guy and he's like, dude, Calgary has the best pussy.
The fucking talent in Calgary.
What do you mean?
How do you know?
The whole time.
The talent in Calgary is unreal.
Dude, Santa Fe has underrated pussy.
I love it when dudes.
It's girls at every, like, what are you talking about?
I love it when dudes bring up that there's More women than men
In New York
It's like yeah
You just
It falls into your
Fucking lap
What are you talking about
You just overrun
Trip and fall
Into some pussy
Yeah it's just like
They're starving for it
That's like
No
That's Dan Bilzerian
Could possibly be
The complete opposite
Yeah
If you've seen that
Dan Bilzerian TikTok
It's I can't stop laughing
Yeah The reason I get The reason girls Oh my god That one's so Wait can we pull that up opposite yeah if you've seen that dan blaserian tiktok it's i can't stop laughing yeah the reason
i get the reason oh my god that one's so quick we'll pull that up the music up to your pussy
is because of how i set my life up the music behind it and he's like i would never slide
into a girl's dm yeah he's like and then it's reverse psychology because they want to fuck you
wait did i won't slide in no he's never slid into DMs.
Dan Bilzerian?
I thought I said somewhere
that he stopped fucking,
stopped partying.
Are you listening to yourself right now?
No, I know.
You're talking about Dan Bilzerian?
I thought I saw this somewhere.
Stop?
Which one is it?
I forgot I said it.
I don't know.
That would be a huge life change.
It might be top left.
There goes everything.
That's it.
My whole thing is that the longer you wait to sleep with a girl, the more fucked up the relationship becomes.
Well, I still want to hear this.
Pretending to be who the girl or who he thinks the girl wants him to be so he can get the pussy, right?
And the girl is trying to be the best version of herself.
You know what I mean?
So it's not like a real.
It's like P.A.'s or something.
It's bullshit, man.
It's like it's just acting, you know?
And so the problem is the longer they act,
then when they do finally fuck
and when they do start actually hanging out,
then it's like how long do they maintain this facade, right?
Because the girl's like claimed like,
oh, I've only hooked up with three guys
and I'm not normally like this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then a year down the road,
he finds out you know,
out a bunch of shit about the girl or, you know,
or she can't maintain her whatever.
He's basically saying open communication is key.
Exactly.
Can you fuck a girl straight away?
And especially when she has a boyfriend and there's just like nothing to lie about.
It's like a more pure relationship.
Yeah, it's way more pure.
No, yeah.
Thank God he's finally saying that.
Whenever you fuck a girl straight away.
Straight away and she has a boyfriend.
Those are two good things.
Pure.
You know it's pure.
KB, I met the best girl.
Like, I didn't even get her name.
Fucked her immediately.
I think it's that one.
Went home with her dude.
I'm in love.
Like, she's a good girl.
Yeah, I think it's the duet to that one.
This is it.
This is it.
Yeah.
Click on the, like, the at.
I have done that.
The reason I get so much so much like top to your pussy is because of the sad song you know and like the situation this is played the
songs for like dogs that are on their last day when you're at a party when i was in a fraternity
if you're at a party and you've got you know whatever three four hundred girls and there's
you know 40 guys like they got to compete for you.
Nobody shows them attention. They almost got to fuck a guy to feel validated.
It kind of flips the whole thing.
The reason I get it.
Dan, your life is so hard.
That guy rocks, dude. He talks about it like it's a battle.
It's like he's gearing up for a battle.
The music
is what made it that much better.
I do have to say something.
Patrick just walked by.
Patrick of the Tico variety.
Does he have a key card?
He just walked in with people.
And then Tico gave a tour of the office to that guy she sat on a plane next to.
Did you see them introducing him to Tommy?
No.
Oh, it's a great video.
Wait, what?
Patrick Tico brought in who?
Tico Texas.
Patrick Texas. That's his last name. Tico brought in who? Tico, Texas. Patrick, Texas.
That's his last name.
Tico's not his last name.
Anything to say, Gia?
Tico has a whole first name.
That's not Tico.
What is Tico's first name?
Email her.
It's her email name.
She said it on the act the other day.
Yeah, it would make you laugh, not me, because it's gone in.
I wasn't laughing because of that.
I'm laughing because you don't even know it.
Can we put Patrick Tico's Twitter?
They met a stoolie on a plane and brought him into the office to meet Tommy Smokes.
Wait, wait.
That's incredible.
Yeah, it's incredible.
What?
Wait, what happened? What?
Wait, what happened?
Where are they standing?
I think in one of the rooms.
It just looked like it was secretly filmed.
Yeah, it was.
Tommy does not know he's being filmed.
Patrick Tico met this guy on a plane.
Let's get Tommy in here.
I need to get to the bottom of this.
Tico sat next to him on a plane, this fan.
I guess they got off the plane and went straight to the office.
That's awesome.
But I will say, so I did Tico 10 the other day.
Comes out today.
Yes, it does at 2 o'clock.
And Patrick took Brianna and I's phone to add himself on Instagram.
That's his move yeah no but
that's why I get so much
talk to your pussy
hold on
if he's done it to you
check your close friends list
cause he added himself
whoa
that is the craziest
fucking move of all time
I have never seen
anything like that
I wouldn't even know
how to
add himself to your
close friend
and Brianna
I don't even have
a close friend
he must have been
holding your phone for like low key a long time I went to go I went to go add someone to your close friend in Brianna. I don't even have a close friend. He must have been holding your phone for like low-key a long time.
I went to go add someone to my close friends this morning, like weirdly.
Actually, it was you, Gia.
All right.
And he was on there.
Let's go.
And I saw Patrick Tico.
And I was like, there's no way I did that.
I think that's genius.
It is.
It is.
It is so smart.
That's kind of, that's like kind of an invasion of privacy.
That's terrible.
Look at this.
Why are you, why, Tommy?
Why do you walk like that?
Why do you look like you, you got up there and you, you always look like you're just
like kind of making a noise.
Yeah, you look like a, you look like a squire.
All right. What was I called then?
This. Did you know you were being filmed?
Yesterday.
Oh, yes, I did.
You knew?
I like Tico's brother, Patrick.
Patrick's great.
He takes a lot of pictures of me every time.
You turn around and he's filming you
and he's putting you on his Instagram.
So what was this?
That is Tico's friend that she met on the plane on Sunday.
So Tico's friend that she met Sunday.
That is a guy that Tico met on the plane on Sunday that has now become her friend, it seems like.
I like holding this mic like this.
Yeah, you look cool.
Yeah, right?
You look cool.
All right. Oh, yeah, I just wanted to know if you were being, you look cool. Yeah, right? You look cool. All right.
Oh, yeah, I just wanted to know if you were being filmed,
but you looked as comfortable as ever in that video.
You know, while I was looking,
it looks like I did connect on the knuckle touch.
Can we play that back?
Let's see, let's see, yeah.
Why'd you, like, swipe at him?
Yeah, you swiped a little bit.
You remind me of the exhaling kid from Hey Arnold.
What's his name?
Eugene.
Nope.
Tommy kind of looks like Eugene.
You came into that strange, though.
That's not very kind.
And what's the guy's name?
I don't remember.
Knox.
You met him, too?
No.
Huh.
But he was on Tico's Instagram story.
Oh, okay.
Hey, he was a nice guy i think they
filmed the tico 10 what a what a cocks just on the tico 10 just just took a plane ride
at the heart of barstool hq tommy nope keep going not any of these boys there is a ton of heavy
breather what the fuck was his name i I never watched him. Oh, it's awesome. They have the glasses. No, which one?
Iggy.
No, not Iggy.
What a great show.
Yeah.
Search Hey Arnold Creepy Guy.
Hey Arnold Heavy Breather.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You guys stand.
Brain.
Brainy.
Brainy.
Brainy.
You just need glasses.
Yeah, you guys stand like each other.
All right.
This was fun.
I'll see you guys. You just need glasses. Yeah, you guys stand like each other. All right, this was fun. I'll see you guys.
See you, Tommy.
Can we pull up and watch
Hey Arnold's very obvious
mentally deficient cousin
that they would not say that he was?
What was his name?
Arnold's cousin.
Didn't it rhyme with Arnold?
What rhymes with Arnold?
Arnold.
Arnold.
It was Arnie. That would be Arnold as? Arnold. Arnold. It was Arnie.
That would be Arnold as well.
Yeah, his name is Arnie.
You guys remember a lot of the characters' names from Hey Arnold.
It was a really good show.
And it was really cool.
You know what was a fucked up cartoon?
Courage, the Cowardly Dog.
Hey Arnold, who was it?
Oh, yeah.
That was scary.
Fucked me up.
Oh, yeah, they were hot.
Yeah, that was...
I'm glad we're on the same page.
Yes.
And Helga's older sister was hot.
Olga.
She was a lesbian.
She taught in Anchorage.
She was not a lesbian.
What made you think she was a lesbian?
Just because she didn't fuck you?
She was...
Yeah, okay.
Got his ass.
Boomed him.
Headshot.
You cool, Kyle?
Nah, yeah.
That hurt him a little bit I think
if you guys
wanna see some
shocking shit
did you see
Britney Spears'
last picture
I sure did
that was almost
more explicit
than just a nude
dude I almost
yelped on the subject
like what kind of yelp
I was like
oh
it's shocking.
It's insane.
Are we allowed to pull that up?
It's on Instagram, so I think it's fine.
Yeah, it's like one of her most recent posts.
I did see it.
I saw this tweet about how maybe she shouldn't have gotten her conservatorship taken away
because the shit that she posts now is just off the rails.
Gay Pat, who sold the free Britney merch because he just pounces on a merch bonus any chance
he gets, there's blood on a merch bonus any chance he gets.
There's blood on his hands.
Yeah. For sure.
He's the reasoning behind that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now she's just posting nude Instagrams and like these insane videos of her dancing in like high speed motion.
Oh.
You can't.
You probably can't leave or can't.
Yeah.
You can't.
It's on Instagram.
It's on Instagram.
No.
What?
What?
It's like a flash.
It's like a flash that's like a
jump scare yeah oh i only saw it with a headline i didn't see the the pussy pop it takes your
breath away it was incredible dude i gotta get that printed she was the titular nude character
in bs nude.com yes she looks great she won a lot of head-to-head battles on celeb fake battles
yeah and then celeb jihad she gets a lot of playing time. She got knocked off by Tisdale, actually. Now, do you guys have any
interest in fake nudes of male
celebrities? Is that a thing that you've
dabbled in? Fake nudes? Unlike your
PSP? So there's a lot of websites
that render fake images
of nude female
celebrities. Like deep fakes?
Because the real ones aren't real.
What? No, Selena Gomez,
there was all this stuff
about her because
there was all these fake
nude pictures of her
that just weren't her
and, like, everyone thought
that it was her.
Is it a deep fake?
These aren't that deep
at all.
It's not that deep.
It's very apparent.
They're very obviously fake,
but it's...
Do you know what deep fake is?
That's like a video, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, and, like,
you put your face...
No, these are not...
This is just rudimentary Photoshop.
Yeah, it's off.
I don't know
any men fake.
I know like
Noah Centineo.
You guys know that?
Yeah.
He has a real one,
doesn't he?
His news came out.
And a lot of
talk fakes.
Bryce Hall's seen that.
Who is that?
Oh, yeah, no.
Noah Centineo?
Not that I...
He was in the
To All the Boys I Loved Before.
Meet the Fosters.
He has a really funny unintentional... He was talking the To All the Boys I Loved Before Meet the Fosters He has a really funny
Unintentional
He was talking about
You kind of look like him Rudy
Really?
No he doesn't
Suck it Nick
Really low key
I don't think so
Really really low key
Look like that
That's not an insult
No it's not an insult
Gorgeous man
One of the hottest boys ever
What is the
The clip where he was like
It doesn't matter
What you do
for other people
it's what
there's like a whole
he's done some funny stuff
him in the garbage can
he's like you know what it is
or what was that
what was that
do you guys remember that
he was in a garbage can
filled with water
he's like it's that time again
we're like what time
it's not about what you do
it's about what you do
with what you've done
for others
yeah
doesn't he have one
he's like are you gonna
let me lick that pussy
that's a good video are you gonna are you gonna squ, are you going to let me lick that pussy? Yeah.
That's a good video.
Oh, yeah.
Are you going to squirt?
Are you going to let me see you squirt?
Yeah, yeah. Can we pull that up?
Just like Noah's.
I just want to watch it.
Let me see this guy.
Have you seen it?
O'Malley?
Come on.
That looks just like Rudy.
They have similar beard structure.
That looks like The Weeknd.
Yeah, he does, actually.
He doesn't even look like Noah.
He's white.
What?
He's not a white man.
Yeah, I haven't seen that version of Noah Centineo.
Is that what he is now?
That's like Noah Centineo after two weeks of not showering.
That's like COVID.
Oh, this is awesome.
Wait, your facial structures kind of match.
And the face shape, too.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the nose.
Oh, my God.
Oh, whoa.
Kind of does.
Whoa.
All right, this is fair.
Wait, wait.
It looks just like you.
What is going on?
Are you doing like a filter?
I don't know what pieces are him and what pieces are you.
I really wish I could look.
Did you just do an app?
No, he just overlaid an image.
Wait, no, no.
Let's go to Rudy.
Whoa.
And just, you know what fuck it put them over me
let's overlay oh nick i want to see nicks
dude it's really challenging not to smile or look like well i'm just gonna uh there's
look at that one nick do you have a celebrity that people tell you you look like eyes uh like
most lesbian women.
Yeah, like not. But like super butch. Of course.
Oh my god.
Yes.
We look exactly alike.
You're out tweaking.
Damn.
That's cool.
That is cool.
Now let me see him talk about pussy squirting.
It's the most uncomfortable video I've ever seen.
Yeah.
He's like, are you a...
And he's in an airport.
He's in a very public location.
He's not trying to be sexy.
He's genuinely asking.
So, like, are you going to, like, squirt for me?
Isn't he still dating a super hot girl?
Probably.
No, like, he's dating someone, like, crazy attractive.
I don't know.
Isn't that... That's a youth thing to someone crazy attractive. I don't know.
Isn't that... That's a youth thing to know.
Yeah.
Yeah, come on.
Jordan would not know.
How about that?
Put that on a t-shirt.
Sorry, Jordan.
I don't like being mean to you.
You don't deserve it.
Wait, you said that?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought Gia said that.
I would never.
Yeah, Grace. Either him in the garbage can or him talking about squirting. I need one of the two
Nikki needs his medicine. I don't know what to look up for this every result is a porn website
No, not no
Videos driving crazy she's hot yes, Alexis run like that was she the
Yes, yes, no.
Jay Alvarez's ex-girlfriend.
Yes, yes.
Who's Jay Alvarez?
Oh, coconut oil.
Coconut oil.
Coconut oil.
Coconut oil.
He came out on top?
He's actually a good DJ.
Really?
He ain't bad.
He's a good skydiver, too.
Yeah, I bet.
How are you a good skydiver?
Somebody recently told me that he is out of reach for great work.
Oh, my God. Oh, it of reach oh he's in public you're gonna show me how you squirt
what platform is this on
I lowkey wanna make that video now
are any of you attracted to that
no not of that vote like he was saying that
I will say when to all the boys
when that came out he blew up
everyone was like oh my god he's so hot
whatever like I love him and then all of a sudden, something
changed, and he became the most
cringey, creepy, weird
guy. I think that was probably
up on his close friends and Patrick Tico
screen recording.
I mean, I can't get over that still.
So I walked into work this morning, because I just found out
this morning, and I'm like, Brianna,
check your close friends right now.
He was on it?
Fair enough.
Okay.
That's a repeat offender.
Yeah.
I can justify it, I think.
Can you, Kyle?
No, if I was a dude, I would start pulling that all the time.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That's such an invasion of privacy.
To be honest, I don't know what's on a girl's close friends.
I haven't made it.
I mean, nothing. But how often do you check? It's always underwhelming know what's on a girl's close friends. I haven't made it. I mean, nothing,
but how often do you check?
It's always underwhelming.
It's never like,
so underwhelming.
And how often are you like,
here's my phone,
type in your username.
Like,
I don't do that.
Yeah,
he was very,
it was very important
that we gave him his phone to add.
We're like,
no,
just tell us your username.
Yeah,
that's what I do.
Defend your man,
Kyle.
He's networking.
Dude,
it was so wrong.
You're catching the wrong side of the...
So are you going to take him off
and just hope he doesn't notice?
Of course I took him off.
What the fuck is this?
We might have to ask him what the fuck...
Fasoli, do not film him.
No, Fasoli, you son of a bitch.
Why is he laughing about it?
Can we pull up Nick Fasoli's first in the office?
He's the only one that can have a timid yell.
That ruined my morning.
I'm the first in the office. Wait, what? one that could have a timid yell. That ruined my morning.
Wait, what?
He yelled in lowercase.
Ready to roll. Ready to roll.
He yelled in lowercase.
He yelled in parentheses.
Can we pull that up?
I love clowning Fastuli.
He's the best. He's the best at clown.
Fastuli. i really like him
he's like looking around to make sure nobody catches him i am the first in the office
ready to roll and now can we go to the first reply go to the first reply go to Kevin Zupi's reply No you're not
Ready to roll
There's a clear
There's a clear eye roll
At the end
Oh my god
What a fucking
Yo Kevin
Shut the fuck down
Shut the fuck up
Get out of frame
Get out of frame
Yeah that is literally
Screaming in lower quarters
That was like a fake
And he tweeted that at 946
There's no way
No one was here
Before 946 Wow It's a way no one was here before 946.
Wow.
It's a Friday.
It's a Friday.
Did you see the waves at the girl in the lobby?
She didn't return it.
She didn't return it?
I met her once.
No, you didn't.
Oh, through to Patrick Tico.
Double birds?
Oh.
There he is.
Why is he wearing a shirt today?
He looks fly. He looks fly. He's coming. He's making himself known. Oh, there he is. Why is he wearing a shirt today? He looks fly.
He looks fly.
He's coming.
He's making himself known.
He's got to show us the details.
Grace, are you going to call him out?
What's up?
The details.
Why are you wearing a shirt today?
Squat.
Yesterday you did it.
There's a mic on the floor.
It's a little heavy.
Grab it on the floor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a bone to pick.
I left this open just for you.
Oh.
I'm a lucky girl.
She gets the open chest special.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm sure that means.
You said you love it.
I do love it.
Don't front now.
No, I do love it.
I think it's great.
Patrick, I have a bone to pick with you.
Hold on, why?
Okay, okay, wait, wait.
Hold on.
Before she says it,
predict what she's going to say.
You know you were wrong.
Damn.
I'm on the spot here.
Have you done anything,
maybe not wrong,
but like...
Questionable?
Invasive?
I was...
During my interview,
I was a little grabby.
Okay.
Oh!
Oh, no, no, no.
My bad.
My bad.
Just a little bit.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Bash.
Me and my sister were both hella drunk at that point.
Okay.
There we go.
It's a good tactic because this is going to seem very underwhelming now.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
What's the bone then?
What's up?
I can't tell. Is it because we didn't go out on thatming now. Oh, shit. Okay, what's the bone there? What's up? I can't tell.
Is it because we didn't go out on that date yet?
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus.
You pulled a technique that it's controversial to some, but I fuck with it.
There we go.
Thank you.
It's a social media technique.
Thank you.
Because he does it so frequently.
Kyle?
You ask for their phone, and then you pull a move.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I did.
Okay.
On Instagram?
Again, don't say anything that's, like, too extreme, because this isn't that bad.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So I said, you know, put me in your close friends.
Nope.
There we go.
You said it to yourself.
You said it to yourself in your head.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, because they gave me the phone,
so I figured if I told you to put me in close friends,
you'd give me your phone, I was going to put myself in that.
Put yourself right in.
You feel me?
I'm on.
I feel you.
No, I don't recall him.
Maybe if you asked.
Nick, Nick, KB.
Yeah, I did ask.
I said it out loud.
I swear.
Rudy, you know Patrick?
She says different.
She says different.
I just remember it differently. KB and Nick, you know Patrice? She says different. She says different. I just remember it differently.
KB and Nick, you know I don't lie.
I'm always 100.
You know, I'm a 100.
With you and I, always been 100.
Yeah, exactly.
So what happened was I was like, yo, hey, add me to your close friends on Instagram.
You know?
And then, you know, they gave me their phones to put my name in, so I just put myself in
the close friends.
You did it fast.
You did it pretty quick.
I mean, listen, quick figures.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know what that means.
No, no, no, no.
I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying.
No, but Tico 10 comes out at 2 today.
2 today, Tico 10.
That shit's crazy.
Run your promo, twin.
I'm excited for that.
Oh, yeah, Tico 10 come out at 2.
You know, we did it.
You know, a lot of hugging and grabbing and talking.
Interesting, yeah.
And a lot of secrets getting revealed.
If that is like order of...
Oh.
A lot of...
Yeah, a lot of secrets getting spilled.
A lot of secrets.
A lot of secrets getting spilled.
Are there more secrets or more grabbing?
I told my mom not to watch it.
Yeah, no mothers can watch it.
It's literally, it's like rated M.
My mom will watch it.
I'm so good at it.
And not...
She'll find a way to critique me.
It's not rated M for mothers, though.
Yeah. Not rated M for mothers. Rated M for mature. Mature. Yeah, mature. It's not rated M for mothers.
Not rated M for mothers.
Rated M for mature.
Mature.
Yeah, mature.
That's right.
Exactly.
So, I mean, it's going to be wild.
Y'all definitely got to check it out.
You know, I said a lot of crazy shit.
I actually told some people something I never said about, you know, you asked me about the sex thing when I was younger.
Yeah.
We're just.
Dog, what?
Okay, so, you know, I'm not going to repeat it on here
because you got to go watch it
to find out.
You know what I'm saying?
That's good promo.
They asked me,
where was...
On yesterday's anus,
we talked about the sex thing
when we were younger as well.
Yeah.
But it wasn't inside the anus,
though, for me.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
To clarify.
To clarify.
No idea.
Yeah, you know,
because I know you guys,
you know, a little different, you know.
What's your sexy ass?
I appreciate it, man.
You know, I'm trying to do my thing.
You know what I'm saying?
Look good.
Just like you.
You know, all you guys look good.
Damn right.
Yeah, for sure.
Thank you, Patrick.
Who is the best fit right now?
Besides you.
Besides you.
Best fit.
Chill out.
This is a bad ass fit.
Man.
So not Grace
you guys all look like shit
listen Grace is on my ass right now
Grace is a beef squash
oh squashed up
squashed up
that's the good metaphor
I didn't know it was that bad
that was not my intention
no I just don't think you should keep doing that
I think I'd be a little disappointed a little disappointed That was not my intention. Never is. I just don't think you should keep doing that.
I think I'd be a little disappointed.
A little disappointed.
It's invasive.
Girls post some juicy stuff on their close friends.
What?
Yeah, we do.
I didn't mean it like that. I think it's like a regional thing,
like calling a water fountain a bubbler.
Yes, we do.
It's more common and acceptable in the Houston metro area.
Yeah, my bad. We might just be from different places. It's a Houston thing. Yes, we do. It's more common and acceptable in the Houston metro area. Yeah, yeah. My bad.
We might just be
from different places.
It's a Houston thing.
What if Grace posted a nude?
For us,
it's more like
a friendly thing.
Definitely.
For us,
it was more like
a friendly thing.
Oh, you my boy.
I'm your girl.
You know what I'm saying?
We cool.
You know what I'm saying?
So I was like,
yeah, add me to the close friends.
I had no problem with it.
Appreciate you, bro.
My close friends
is just fairly intimate.
There's like five people on it.
Oh, see, I didn't know that.
No, it's all good.
It's all good.
It's all good.
Beep squash.
Beep squash.
Just go down.
Who you with?
Who you with?
Some guests?
Who are your guests today?
Those are my sisters.
What?
What?
You have more sisters?
I have more sisters.
Are they Ticos?
We don't qualify
for them for Ticos,
but they are sisters.
That was my sister in the black. Hey, sister. Like metaphorically? Yeah, I don't qualify for them for Tico's but they are sisters that was my sister
in the black
hey sister
like metaphorically
yeah I don't understand
okay
listen
we're revealing secrets
over here
tag me
tag me
listen we're revealing
secrets over here
oh
why are they so giddy
they've never seen KB before
that shit
they like that
hey
they love people
who look like Owen Wilson what's that what's that mean what do you. They love people who look like Owen Wilson.
What's that mean?
What do you mean?
Wait, Nick.
Do you look like Owen Wilson?
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Is that something funny?
Do we all just look like
Owen Wilson to you?
That's like all white people
are baseball players
who look like Owen Wilson.
I didn't realize
my mic was on.
Listen, she left out
hockey players, you know?
Hell yeah. Lacrosse? Shit hockey players, you know? Hell yeah.
Lacrosse?
Shit, Rudy, you're in.
God damn it.
Everything's coming up Rudy.
You got to give y'all the whole thing.
So they're not your blood?
You're not related to them?
No, the one in black, yeah.
Okay.
Is she also Tico's sister?
Yes.
So is she a Tico?
No.
What does that mean?
Do you have to earn that title? We're going to save that story for a different one. It's like a Tico? No. What does that mean? Do you have to earn that title?
We're going to say that story for a different reason.
It's like a lordship.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And they like surfs or something.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's like history.
Is that an insult?
No, it's just a...
I was not expecting that.
Do you get it like on a certain birthday?
Yeah.
They ain't reached it yet.
I finally got my Tico.
Wait, how old are you, Tico?
Man, chill out.
Listen.
That's information we do not divulge.
You can be on O'Malley's close friends to know all her personal information.
We can't know how old you are?
Damn straight.
That is true.
You owe them.
Patrick?
You owe us that.
Oh, damn.
You owe them a secret.
31.
33? You have the chest of a younger man. Well, damn. You owe them a secret. Cough, cough. 31.
33?
You have the chest of a younger man.
Well, you know what?
You know, they say that, you know, I look a little bit younger.
You do.
Yeah.
Yeah, you do.
I wouldn't.
I thought Tico was, like, younger than me.
I thought she was, like, 23.
I didn't.
I don't know how old Tico is. You both are ageless.
They're twins.
We're twins.
I might have been lying and said that.
Yeah, I don't know how.
Oh, Tico's going to be mad at you.
She won't be mad, you know?
But she looks like she's like 12.
Yeah, she looks great.
Exactly.
12?
You said she looks great?
No, I said 23.
She looks like she's 12, and you said, yeah, she looks great.
We got her.
We got her.
You don't like 12-year-olds or something like that?
12-year-olds can't look great.
Yeah, some people can. She's nice to me. Jordan is nice. Thanks, Jordan. Compliments the fit. You don't like 12-year-olds or something like that? 12-year-olds can't look great.
She's nice to me.
Jordan is nice.
Compliments a fit.
I think Grace is being too nice to me, too.
What's your name?
I'm Gia.
Gia?
Yes.
That's cool.
Thanks.
Is there a single named Gia?
There was a model. There was a model named Gia.
She died of a cocaine overdose.
I am Gia.
That's not going to be your future.
No.
Madeline.
Mad Dog.
So you'd be barking.
Bark, bitch.
You know like the 2020?
Mad Dog 2020.
Oh, okay. All right, that's what's up. They're good. You know like the 2020 Yeah Mad Dog 2020 Oh okay
Alright that's what's up
That's cool
They're good
I used to drink those
I've actually never had it
Oh that's a drink
Mad Dog 2020 is like an alcohol
Oh
I've never had it though
So good
Me neither
We should bring those in
And try them
They're so good
There's some in the
Part of my take studio
I think probably
I'm not gonna try them
Next time
I'm out of here
Cause I don't wanna repeat
What happened last time
you told me you love chocolate so much
that you know I just thought I'd give you
an overdose
I fully indulged in it
until I got home
and I realized
chocolate hangover
I can't get over this
you're fine
we're good
squash like squash
squash KB will be cool with you I can't get over this. You'll get over it. You're fine. We're fine. We're good. Squash like squash.
Squash.
KB will be cool with you.
You want to meet those girls out there, Kyle?
Yeah.
No.
I'll talk to them when the show ends.
They're pretty dry.
They're going to come in here and dry this place up.
What do you mean?
Pretty dry.
They're dry?
She's not a real Tico.
She's a half Tico.
I don't know what that means.
You don't know what dry means?
I don't know what the half Tico means.
You're a half Tico.
Half sister.
I know, but they're twins.
They probably share a pair.
No, it's Tico.
Tico and Patrick are twins.
I'm assuming that that girl is going to share a parent.
Oh, yes.
Either the mother or the father.
Maybe the same dad.
They're talking shit.
They're talking about boys.
Probably Chris Brown.
It always is.
Or Nick.
Who's talking about Chris Brown?
Nick is like half as shared. No.
I guess
Nah it's a good thing
Yeah it's a real good thing
It is man
It is
You could be a stunt double
Yeah that's awesome
Yeah
So he gets me the face
I'm the body
At least you don't look like
Lesbian
Actresses
He does
What do you mean
I mean
He looks like a Hollywood star.
I just don't know which one.
It's somebody.
Noah Centineo, maybe?
Something like Assassin something.
An assassin?
Hell yeah.
Thank you, Patrick.
Like who?
We can't have Rudy on anymore.
Patrick, did you ever log in mad hours to Madden growing up?
Nah, not really, dog.
2K, a little bit. NFL. You never played Madden? I played a little bit of Madden. What? Nah, not really, dog. 2K, a little bit.
NFL.
You never played Madden?
I played a little bit of Madden.
What you trying to get at?
He trying to set me up.
That's why I'm not agreeing with him all the way.
I was just thinking about it.
Oh, okay.
You were just thinking about Madden?
I know.
R.I.P.
No, you...
Oh, damn.
Kyle, where were you going with that?
I was just thinking of Madden.
The guy died.
I was thinking about...
I used to play 2001.
Really?
That was the first time my parents
considered the idea that I might be gay
because I would just put the game in
and just listen to the anthem by Good Charlotte
and lip-sync it and dance and twerk
to Shake It once.
Do we have videos?
No.
That was a wild-ass core memory right there.
That was a bit of a trauma dump.
You're going to try to relate to Patrick with that story?
Yeah.
Twerking at a good Charlotte?
I didn't twerk.
He's trying to clown me for twerking at the end of the last episode.
Oh, yeah.
He's trying to embarrass me.
That's what KB does.
He embarrasses me.
He embarrasses me.
Ellen is like the worst of the lesbians
to be compared to
why
because she's a bitch
she's cancelled
yeah she is
yeah she is a huge bitch
yeah
she's a woman
yeah
Nick why don't you
ever shave your beard
that's what we're on
so I don't have to do
a hundred days
of giveaways
oh my
oh the eyes
oh the eyes
oh that's scary
I wonder what that would look like on me.
It wouldn't blend well.
Dude, you could be like an Ellen Bastard.
Yeah, maybe.
She experimented once.
Then you came out?
Whoa, this is like some freaky
Matrix shit.
What?
You think I could be like Black Keanu Reeves, maybe?
Yeah.
Ah, Patrick. I'm not.
Ah, Patrick.
Now I'm looking more like the major director.
I know what you're saying, Patrick.
Yeah, you know what?
Maybe the smile.
You have zero in common with Ellen DeGeneres.
I don't know.
I see it.
You see it?
I see it.
Who likes pussy more, you or her?
You know what? That's a great question
I don't know
He doesn't really fuck with pussy like that
Or sex like that
You know what thank you for exposing our private conversation
No but in the whole way
Where would you guys have a chance to have a private conversation
Cause we were on the same page
You said sometimes you're just not feeling it.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, so me and KB agreed
that sex is something, you know,
you do it, it burns out.
You meet somebody, you do it again, it kind of burns out.
It's not something you should just do
just because you feel like doing it.
No. I respect that.
Exactly. We're saying men usually
just fuck whoever
they can get.
But we're kind of on that page where even if she's beautiful,
we can still say no and we're just chilling.
That's gospel.
You're like the opposite of Dan Bilzerian.
I was just going to say that.
From the low testament.
I'm with that.
You're with that.
I'm with it.
We got to rewrite the bro bible, man.
That's refreshing to hear.
Yeah, because that's not all it's about.
Amen.
Talk to Dan B. about that one.
I just want to be loved.
Dan B.
Dan Bilzerian.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
Nah, he's hopeless.
He's done.
He's a lost cause.
He's a lost cause, man.
He's cooked.
Great.
So you were on a tour with thousands of rabid fans.
Anything weird or creepy happen happened any interactions or scenarios just a girl spitting in our mouths oh wow cool let's talk about that
did she sneak up and do it no it wasn't a sneaky spit uh it was uh she came to the meet and greet
and sensual or brianna to bird her. To what? Like baby bird her.
And, you know.
I don't know.
Regurgitate your meal.
I don't understand.
And then she started crying and she was so happy.
And she goes, I gotta go kiss O'Malley.
And she came up and just smacked one on me.
Yeah.
That's assault.
We kiss more women than men.
Well, we, me.
So nah, you're speaking for're speaking she has a boyfriend so
so you all right you guys show up on these college campuses um and what do you do first you go to
like out to eat yes we do actually and then what happens and then um like you like that's like a
mall like the thursday night's a chill night we gather we're good friday we have the meet and
greet and then the party and um somewhere in between the meet and greet and then the party and
somewhere in between
the meet and greet
is when we just like
going right into a vortex
of like
there's no return
what's the pregame meal
we
Brianna and I don't really
do you get fast food
or do you like go to a sit down
restaurant
we usually sit down
and then I think
we've gotten Chipotle
every single time
and those are our two meals
for the whole weekend
the whole weekend
oh okay yeah I think you guys should start doing that kind of stuff for the anus life tour out in Chipotle every single time. Those are our two meals. For the whole weekend.
I think you guys should start doing that kind of stuff for the Anus Life Tour.
Me and KB, we did a Nick and KB pop-up
in Chinatown last week.
Didn't do well.
No one wanted to spit in your mouth?
Did not do well.
I didn't see any promotion
for that or anything.
It was out there.
You're in these clubs behind on the stage for like three, four hours?
No, like, yeah, actually, yeah.
It kind of looks like the Travis Scott.
No, so that's what we were really scared about.
People getting bodied.
We were stopping it saying, like, is everyone all right?
Yeah, yeah.
I didn't even think about that.
No, that's one thing we got, like, getting nervous about. But, yeah, no, it saying like is everyone all right yeah yeah i didn't even think about that we know that that's one thing we got like getting nervous about but yeah no it's like wicked sick
no on i run it is it's crazy i mean and like i know everyone shits on her because i think she's
up there like lip syncing and stuff but i don't know not for that reason rihanna's an entertainer
like she truly knows how to entertain a crowd. So oust them.
You guys.
We talk shit on everyone,
but we never talk shit on the fact that she sells out venues and has a rabid following.
Also, I think the more that people talk shit,
the more bad.
Because she's legit.
You know what I mean?
Talk shit because she's legit.
Invite me in, KB. Yeah, I like that, Gia. Yeah, right? cause like, she's legit. You know what I mean? Talk shit cause she's legit. Invite me in,
KB.
I like that,
Gia.
Yeah,
right.
Let's do it.
Cool.
I wish you had one in the city
so we could all go.
We're gonna.
Oh,
you are?
Yeah,
that's the final one.
I'm going.
Patrick,
you don't drink.
Not really,
but you know.
Wait,
wait,
you told me you don't drink at all
and then you said you were drunk.
Okay,
so,
yeah,
so what happened was, I don't drink, but for the show, I, you told me you don't drink at all, and then you said you were drunk. Okay, so what happened was I don't drink.
You always tell the truth.
But for the show, I was toasted because I don't drink.
So we had a few shots, and that was it.
I think I was leaning on her for the rest of the show at the end by the time it was over.
Yeah, we all laid on top of each other.
Yes, we literally did.
The two Ticos, Brianna and I.
It was nice.
Tico on the outside?
Was it Tico bread? Yeah, it was the sandwich. Oh, yeah, yeah, and I. It was nice. Tico on the outside? Was it Tico bread?
Yeah, it was the sandwich.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It was a Tico sandwich.
All Ticos on our side, none on the inside.
The meat and lettuce.
Okay, so you guys were the bread?
Yeah, we were the bread.
Okay.
You know, we made them jam, you know?
And we sure did jam.
And we spread.
Yeah, you know, the way we hit the floor was, you know, crazy.
I actually protected you because I put my arm in. Listen. The way you hit the floor? crazy. I actually protected you because I put my arm in.
Listen.
The way you hit the floor?
Yeah, I saved her life.
What happened in this show?
I didn't get credit for saving her life.
We didn't know.
I just did.
Yeah, but you should have started with that first.
You should be like, well, Patrick saved me.
Before I criticized Patrick, he saved my life.
I would have actually been better.
You see what I'm saying?
Next time.
That'll be a good t-shirt. I'm so confused. Patrick Tico saved my life. I would actually have been better. You see what I'm saying? Next time. That'll be a good t-shirt.
I'm so confused.
Patrick Tico saved my life.
Yes.
So she fell,
and I risked my watch and my hand,
and we smashed it to the ground.
We sure did smash.
HR nightmare.
I thought we weren't going to talk about that.
I'm scared to watch this when this comes out.
You would think that you can do things like this, but we do.
We are.
You can say whatever.
Yeah, this is true.
Until you lose a brand deal.
What are you talking about?
We didn't really say anything.
I feel like that could happen to somebody if you don't watch yourself.
They came crawling back.
They always do. I know you're not supposed to tell if you don't watch yourself. They came crawling back. They always do.
I know you're not supposed to tell everyone at work that you watch their stuff, but I watch this every day.
Same.
Oh, yeah.
Same.
I'm an avid listener of Enos and Son of a Boy Dad.
Me and Grace were just swapping yak facts back and forth the other day.
Yeah?
It was incredible.
What kind of facts?
Give me a fact.
Give us a quiz.
This is fucking surreal.
Yeah, this is wild.
Madeline told me that she went back.
If you would have told me two years ago.
She goes home and watches the Yak from like two years ago.
Not two years ago, like April.
I love that.
Because they're nice.
I tell everyone this.
What's your favorite Yak episode?
Tommy Walker Day.
Tommy Walker Day.
That was a good one.
That's a good one.
No, but I'll go watch ones from like March, April.
Just to like put something on the TV.
Just to get to know you guys better.
We're stoked to be here.
Did you go viral a few years ago?
I did.
For what?
Me and my roommates dressed up as Pitbull for Halloween.
That was you.
Oh, yeah.
See that?
Yeah.
Thank you for bringing that up.
You're not Frances.
No, I'm the Pitbull girl.
So you guys dressed up like Pitbull.
Yes.
Like bald caps.
And it was posted on Barstool, and it got like one point something million views.
And what did you do?
Well, it's 14.
Yes!
Yes!
Let's go!
Which one's you?
Damn, that's impressive.
Wait, Gia, this is you?
I have 13 roommates.
Yes.
You had 13 roommates?
Yes.
Yes.
And we all lived in a house.
Yeah.
My roommates are going to shit themselves.
You guys are rocking it.
This is me.
Oh, my.
I would have never guessed.
I remember seeing this.
Yep.
You guys look like a whole bunch of Pitbull agent smits.
And Pitbull noticed us.
He retweeted the tweet and
tagged me in it it was like great job did you see yeah yeah it was awesome we went to we went to
we went to the bar and we they brought us up on the dj booth and they played pitbull and people
were going crazy what inspired that idea so the girl so the house gets passed down through my
sorority and the girls that lived there
before us they all dressed up as ellen oh and they almost got on ellen by doing that and it was this
whole like it didn't go we went more viral but we thought oh shit we have to like do one step up
above that like what can be that or be funnier than that and to be honest i feel like after me and my friends did that
so many people started to dress up as people
guy fieri is a huge one too a lot of people were going to pitbull dress as pitbull
yes like recently yes yeah yeah and it was oh my god it was the peak of my life like
stay a while sit on on Jordan's lap.
See, you know, I would do that, but after this whole thing,
yeah, I definitely wouldn't.
I mean, or we could switch it, but after this whole O'Malley thing,
you know, we got to let this go.
You got to let it breathe.
We got to let it breathe a little bit.
Calm down, Kyle.
You've been pulling facts of all the guests we've had.
Someone just liked my pitbull tweets.
I've been hardwiring.
Someone on Twitter just liked my pitbull tweets. Someone on Twitter just liked my
Pitbull tweets.
Oh, nice.
That's those diehard Yak fans.
They are loyal.
Yeah, it was so
much fun. It was awesome. We thought that
we were going to be... We wanted like a Pitbull
shout out, like a video or something.
I mean, he tweeted you an ad.
And it was just you of 13 girls?
They had to have hated you.
No, no, no.
Are you still close with them?
Yeah, oh my God, yeah.
They're also my best friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have 12 best friends.
You have a lot of them.
I have a lot of them.
Name all 12 right now.
She has so many friends.
You want me to?
Yes, I want you to name them.
Kate, Sydney, Ellery, Steph.
Actually, I wouldn't know
if you were wrong.
Yeah, that's true.
Okay.
That's like Good Will Hunting.
Yeah.
And you would think
it would be kind of a shit show,
but it actually was very smooth.
All two years of us living together,
we never had a huge blowout fight or anything like that.
It was great.
Kyle's been nard warding, so am I.
Grace, you have a gross accent.
That's incredible.
Where do you go from there?
Why don't you say something for us?
Your mother's a whore.
Thank you, Grace.
It really just comes on when I'm...
I've heard it.
Yeah, it's not that bad.
That clip of you and Brie, yeah, it's so funny.
Out of control.
Yeah.
It's disgusting.
Yeah, you're right.
It's disgusting.
I love a good Boston accent.
I'm not even going to try to defend it.
It's awful.
Jordan, you have an accent too.
Jordan and I have similar accents.
Hers is a little bit more north.
She has like a... It goes like a Canadian accent to everything, but it's not disgusting. Jordan and I have similar accents. Hers is a little bit more north. She has like a Canadian accent.
But it's not disgusting, so that's good.
No, I'm...
Rudy, do girls ever compliment your accent?
I'm sure they do.
You're done for accent.
I don't have an accent.
They'll do it anyway.
Yeah, I don't have one.
The only thing that Colorado has is Colorado.
Colorado.
You say rado if you're from Colorado.
Jordan, I noticed you say opinion Instead of opinion
Don't do that
Yeah but is opinion
Spelled with an A or an O
Oh
It's an opinion
Oh no what
What the fuck was that
Does opinion begin with an A
No she says
You say opinion
Not opinion
I go
Is opinion spelled with an A or an O
You're actually saying
Something smart
That's not
That's not words
That's not really
What about onion?
Do you say onion?
Do you say onion?
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, she does.
You gotta eat an onion.
How do you guys say
what's on top of a house?
Roof.
Roof.
It's a roof.
That's stupid.
You're talking about the O's
like you know
everything about O's.
Yeah, what are you,
the O queen?
So I actually,
I just downloaded Hinge.
I did an audio thing, and that's my thing.
I've seen these, and this almost makes me want to do it.
I've been killing Hinge because of that.
Everyone replies.
No one ever says that.
And they argue with me.
I'm killing Hinge right now.
I cannot say I feel the same way about my Hinge experience.
They're insulting me, but it's Hinge.
What are you saying in the, what is your voice prompt?
Give me one.
I got the best prompts on my page.
You guys say, you, Nick, you say like pull and pool weird.
He does.
Like your U's and your O's are weird.
Yeah, maybe so.
It's been called out in the past.
It's been called out a lot.
Also, I just want to say I downloaded Hinge purely just because of the voice.
No, you want to have sex with people like everyone else.
We don't believe that.
Your reason is the same as everyone in the world.
You want to have sex with people.
Or you want to have a boyfriend.
No, God, no.
Then you don't want to do it just to get your bits off.
You know Woodruff and her bits.
Was you just lonely like one night and just was like.
No, I was bored.
Good question.
Lonely, yeah.
But no, I literally just wanted to try out the voice prompt because TikTok kept feeding it to me.
And I was like, this is funny, so I did it.
Play it.
Say what the prompt is.
A quick rant about what a quick
totally um the thing that's on top of a house is a roof not a roof prove me wrong
and that just gets oh you're an engagement poster you're an engagement you know what you're an engagement poster. You're an engagement poster. You know what you're doing. She went viral on it.
Yeah, viral on it.
So you're saying you just wanted a little confidence boost?
You didn't want to pork?
You didn't want...
She just wants that dopamine dump.
I feel like so many girls download Hinge, Tinder, whatever,
just to have the confidence boost.
Jordan is going to be helping Ben Mintz with his Hinge.
I swear, she was like,
your voice, you've got to get on hinge.
Yeah, the single women
in Hoboken want him.
He's going to do that.
He's back getting chicks on Pick Central today.
What? He called out Dallas' area code.
We were talking about Dallas, and they were like,
how did you know that? He was like, well, I got this girl's number.
Mintz.
He was the one that brought up the Calgary pussy.
Was he?
No.
Mintz has never been to Canada.
Well, he did get mobbed on Bourbon Street.
No, he was all butt mobbed.
All butt mobbed on Bourbon Street.
Yeah.
Yeah, so.
One of the things I don't know is why do girls need extra confidence boosts when everybody
tells you guys, you guys are pretty?
I don't.
Do they?
I mean-
I don't think I'm getting that.
I don't think I've ever- That hasn't happened recently. No. There's probably some guy who tells you guys, but you are pretty. I don't. Do they? I don't think I'm getting that. I don't think I've ever.
That hasn't happened recently.
No.
There's probably some guy who tells you guys, but you guys be like, oh, that's just my friend.
Are you friends on them or something?
I don't have male friends.
What are Nick and KB and Rudy?
What about the fuck?
What the fuck?
We're not homies?
Yeah.
We're not friends.
What are you talking about?
What are you?
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
On Raw Shirt Day, no less.
I'm kidding.
KB, you really believe people are not telling these gorgeous women that they're beautiful?
Most of the time it's like anonymous, like no profile picture people sliding into your DMs.
I've never gotten a compliment from either of these three.
I think you're the funniest in this room.
Give us a compliment.
I want a compliment from each one of you.
Don't say that.
We're stuck in a purgatory where we can't.
They've never once given me a compliment.
Because we're in a... This morning I walked past you and't. They've never once given me a compliment. Because we're in a...
This morning,
I walked past you
and said,
nice lavender.
That's not a compliment.
He meant to say,
look, really beautiful.
That sounds like
a compliment to me.
That sounds like a compliment.
Listen, yes.
We just gotta give him
some lessons.
No, I'm a fucking incel, dude.
Leave me alone.
No, no, no, no.
Vol cell, actually.
I can poo anybody I want.
I was called a fence cell
last night.
What does that mean?
Riley?
That's hilarious.
That's somebody who can't have fun.
What does that mean?
A fem cell?
It's the female version of an incel.
Riley called me a fem cell.
That's fucking awesome.
And I disagree with that statement, Riley.
I do too.
I love Mad Dog.
A woman who can't see in a Riley. I do, too. Thank you. I love Mad Dog. KB, you're a, what are they called?
A woman who can't stand a relationship.
I'm a height setter.
Rudy is in here, mogged.
Becky is in here.
Yeah, he's a, I don't know.
That's why I didn't want him on.
I hate being mogged.
That's tough.
I'm so.
Male manipulator.
I'll buy that merch.
Male manipulator.
I don't know.
Yeah, what's that, huh?
I don't know.
What the fuck is that?
Male manipulator music is like good music.
I did.
I started reading my first John Green book when I was 13.
Oh, my God.
Wait, girls, we should, like, go out for drinks.
Okay.
Totally, girl.
We don't have anything to do after this.
The Chelsea Bell?
Run over to the Chelsea Bell, we'll split a flatbread.
You and I.
What about the Triple Crown? What's that? Get a corndog. Oh, good shepherd's pie over at the corner. What's Chelsea Bell. Run over to the Chelsea Bell. We'll split a flatbread. What about the Triple Crown?
Get a corndog. Oh, Good Shepherd's Pie over at the
Corndog. What's Chelsea Bell? The heaviest food you can
buy. Yes, yes. Let's do it.
Oh my god.
I can't. Okay, twin.
Why? Good twin. Fuck it up.
No, I have therapy at 4 o'clock.
Pre-game it. Put yourself first, girl.
Pre-game therapy. Oh, that's
awesome. No. What kind of therapy you. Pregame therapy. Oh, that's awesome. No.
What kind of therapy you got?
Mental health therapy.
Oh, really?
Is this real?
Yeah.
It's a very normal thing.
Normalized therapy.
Oh, yeah, therapy.
I think it's been too normalized.
We got to start going reverted. Patrick, are you comfy?
That's how Tommy Pickles sits when he's rolling a ball to Phil.
Lil and Phil.
The old finster looking ass.
After the night I had, which I will not disclose.
He's about to fucking hop out the playpen.
After the night you had.
Oh, yeah.
Which I will not expose.
Oh, my God.
That is so funny.
Sitting like a pickles over there.
But we're not going to let her tell what happened.
So, no, but my ass hurts. You know what I'm saying? Wait, you said after? sitting like a pickles over there but we're not gonna let her tell what happened so
nah but my ass hurts
you know what I'm saying
wait you said
after the night
you had
yo
my ass hurts
I'm gonna stop you there
yeah
yeah you set yourself up
damn it
you set yourself up
you just said it
you got a cap set though man
like damn it
I think we all caught that
yeah
after the night
I was out all night
and a lot of crazy
shit happened
activities
so I didn't get
to sit down
now I'm sitting down
Patrick I have to
go to a meeting
do you want to
steal my chair
oh really
you serious
company woman
what's the meeting for
work like a girl
I need to eat
that's important
you don't feed
everybody else
work like a girl hell yeah I'm about to go order some soup too I ordered it Maddie eats soup Girl, I need to eat. Oh, that's important. You need to eat. You're going to feed everybody else? No, my Hale and Hardy are sitting right there.
Hell yeah, Hale.
I'm about to go order some soup, too.
I ordered it because of you.
Oh, I almost did that.
Maddie eats soup every single day.
I love soup.
Hale and Hardy every day.
If Hale and Hardy wants to send me free soup, I would happily oblige.
Same.
Oh, yeah.
Hardy every day.
If Hale and Hardy wants to send me free soup, I would happily oblige.
Same.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Love you guys.
10x.
Bye.
Oh, whoa.
Oh, she's talking to the yak chat
She knows exactly
What she's fucking doing
Follow Maddie
Listen to Macro Dosing
Yes
And Cause I Said So
Yes
And Cause I Said So
Mad Dog 2020
Is that her handle?
2022
Yeah
Well I guess it's 2022
I keep saying 2020
That would make a lot of sense
Cause 2020 is alcohol
Is it not?
Do they change it every year?
Oh.
No, it's like the mixture, I think.
I thought you were saying Mad Dog all 2020.
No, I got nowhere to be.
That too.
2020, 2021.
Do you have anywhere to be?
You want to keep yucking it up?
Yeah.
I'm down to get.
I'm chilling.
Oh, you have a stand-up show?
I do.
Oh, yeah, Grace, how did that go?
It went good.
Oh, it went already?
I saw your tweet.
No no no
Not the sass one
She does too
I did a set at the stand
Last night
Oh nice
Fantastic
My first ever
Time getting up there
Let's go
So first of all
That takes a ton of
Fucking balls
So congrats
Dude I don't know
Why you don't do stand up
I don't
I don't wanna
Doesn't have the balls
I'm afraid
I don't have balls
He's ballless
No my balls
Made of steel
Yeah
I wasn't nervous at all
I've heard
And how'd it go
It went good
Give me clips
Somebody recorded it
But I gotta find him
I don't know his name
How long
How long was your set
Five minutes
That's long
That's a long time though
For Saturday
It's about like six or seven
It is
Five minutes
Straight talking
With nobody
I couldn't do it
Nick I think you could.
I think you're putting yourself down.
Thanks, guys.
O'Malley and I are probably the only two that could pull it off.
I'm pretty sure we've had a discussion that we all think that Nick's the funniest person in the office.
Yeah.
Top five.
Behind my fucking back.
Top five.
He has.
Oh, but hold on.
Rudy's Instagram story is hilarious.
That's true.
That's true.
Yes, Rudy's Instagram story is hilarious. I said that yesterday That's true. Yes, Rudy's Instagram story is hilarious.
I said that yesterday.
He doesn't get it.
Yeah.
He's on all avenues.
There was one sequence of events.
I don't remember specifically.
It was like you traveling or going home for Thanksgiving or something.
Rudy kept on bumping into house fires.
It was so funny.
Remember that?
That was like three days in a row.
Three separate house fires.
I thought you were an arsonist.
I was on the house fire beat. That was the cool one. How were you just... What was the house fire beat? Three days in a row. This separate house fires. I thought you were an arsonist. I was on the house fire beat.
How were you just –
What was the house fire beat?
Three days in a row.
This was in New York, right?
It was in New York.
I was –
You just kept –
It started because I would sit in my room and I could see a basketball court from my old apartment.
So I would commentate on the basketball.
And then in the middle of doing one of that, doing that one day, a fucking five-alarm fire burst out.
Right behind the basketball.
Right behind the basketball.
And he just panned up.
He was like, oh.
Yeah.
And then I was thrust into this thing where I was just covering this fire.
And then the next day, there was another fucking fire on my block.
That's crazy.
And you captured it.
And then at some point, people were texting me,
in New York,
there's a lot more fires
than you think.
There's a lot of fires.
A lot of them aren't bad.
But then people would start texting me,
like,
you gotta go to this fire.
And then at some point,
it's like,
you gotta go to the fire.
At some point,
you just have to be a fireman.
At some point,
well,
at some point,
it's like a very destructive,
sad thing.
Yeah.
But that was cool.
Think about it.
That was a cool year.
Yeah,
you were there filming,
standing like this,
as everybody, as like a mother lost all of her possessions.
Yeah, I'm like shoving a camera
in her face.
That was awesome of you.
Yeah, that was cool. That was a fun year.
You got really lucky with all those fires, man.
I was happy for you.
Also, if anybody wants to meet Rudy, just catch something on fire.
He'll be right there.
Oh god, a bunch of women in New York about to be setting catch something on fire. He'll be right there. I will be there.
Oh, God.
A bunch of women in New York are about to be setting their apartments on fire.
Yeah, they are.
I'll be like, nightcrawler.
Bitches are crazy like that.
Those bitches.
Wait, Rudy.
Also, I know girls that have a fan page dedicated to you.
That's incredible.
What?
Do you know?
Plural?
I think you might.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's one girl or two girls.
I know the Rudy Junda fan page, and people think I run it, and I do not.
Yes. I know those girls. I went to Michigan State with them I run it, and I do not. Yes, I know those girls.
I went to Michigan State with them.
Oh, they're MSU girls.
Wait, hold on.
I thought I knew who it was, and clearly I don't.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
I fucking hate it when that happens.
Well, because the page followed me, and I was like, Rudy Genda fan page.
Wait, we need a Pat Tico fan page.
So somebody out there.
Yes, yes, this is it. You need love. She's been lacking on you. They deleted. We need a Pat Tico fan page. So somebody out there,
start that thing up.
You need love.
She's been lacking on you.
They deleted...
Oh, wait.
I don't know if this is...
This might be...
I don't know if this is...
I can't tell if this is the one.
I think this might be it.
Oh, Jesus Christ,
if this isn't the one.
No, this is going to be so bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is it.
Rudy, you being here,
you existing,
is sending me down a dark path.
You're back on your insults?
Yeah.
There used to be a picture
of the girl
that I went to school with
photoshopped
into a picture with Rudy.
Okay, Popeye.
And I was like,
wait a second,
I know that girl.
You a little jealous, Pat?
I am a little threatened.
Dude, I'm a tiny bit bigger
than you in that picture.
I'm fucked up mentally
because I thought for sure
i knew who it was and now i had realized i don't yeah no it's literally girls that i know and i
dm'd her i was like is this you and she's like oh haha i should probably delete this picture
like so people don't realize that it's me people all my friends at home think it's me that run it
no it is two girls from michigan state i i won't say their names because I respect.
I want to say thank you, but at the same time, it's weird.
I thought it was weird, too.
I would eat that up.
Yeah, I would, too.
I'd be like, please keep posting.
Oh, yeah.
If I had a fan page.
I mean, as long as it was nice towards me. You know what they were doing, though?
A fan page typically is.
A hate page would be terrible.
They were trolling.
A mean fan page.
I love them.
A hate page.
They were trolling me in a way that was actually sort of like an issue.
They were, every time I would follow a new girl on Instagram that I was somewhat interested
in, they would immediately follow them.
That's so weird.
That's creepy.
And I was like, at some point.
That makes it look like it's you.
Yes.
That's definitely a girl.
And so I was, exactly.
Like, I was in a tough spot.
It's a girl tactic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's two girls. I might start doing that to was, exactly, like I was in a tough spot. It's a girl tactic. Yeah, yeah, it's two girls.
I might start doing that to you.
Make a Rudy fan page and just follow girls.
Just ruin your life.
I mean, in a weird way.
Hey, what's up?
I got locked out of my main account.
It's me, Rudy.
Oh, that would be, yeah, but they were trolling me well.
If, like, if Brianna, like, ever made me mad, I just start posting where she is all the time.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Just doxing her.
Doxing her every chance I had.
Somebody commented on lowering the bar yesterday, the video, and they said, yo, Nick lives in
my building.
I was like, oh, no.
That's creepy.
Oh, fuck.
You never want that.
Yeah.
Never.
That's like a safety thing.
Like, why do people do that?
That's like crossing the line.
It's never like that.
It's never like that.
They're no ones.
They just.
But then if someone knows where that person lives.
I think we have way too big of egos to think someone cares enough to do anything.
Mine's just like, I don't want to be on the elevator with them.
Where you live, though, is your safe place.
I keep where I live dangerous.
Yeah, same here.
Me alone in my apartment
is very dangerous.
With your ant farm?
Well, yeah,
I guess I'm never alone.
You have an ant farm?
It's on its way in.
I lost my previous colony.
What do you mean lost?
Died.
Fell?
But I decided to upgrade farms.
I was going to say
if it fell over,
like, that's...
I have had an escape
in Columbus
when I had my boys.
They got out.
Oh, gross. Is there part of you that's sort of, like, you're sad that you lose your ants, but is there another part of you I have had an escape in Columbus when I had my boys. They got out.
Is there part of you that's sort of like you're sad that you lose your ants,
but is there another part of you that's proud of them for escaping?
What?
Oh, no.
So when they escape, I'm not proud of them because it's dumb.
Because if I were in like a – ants get eaten by a lot of things.
And if they're safe and I'm feeding them a carrot strand biweekly,
I'd be loving it.
Yeah.
These guys escaped.
Talking like a real.
And you watch them like build tunnels and stuff.
Oh, God.
You watch them like build tunnels. Wait, what, Rudy?
Yeah.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah.
It's always a big hit.
Bugs are gross.
I can see you owning like a snake.
No, fuck no.
No, no, no.
Tarantula.
Yeah.
Like some sort of animal.
Ant farm animal
aww
see
they're hard workers
what are we looking at
I know
they inspire me
ants
I'm like the ant at barstool
go little
oh it's time lapse
oh it's time lapse
they're moving that quick
at least you're not
who said that
I'm stupid
but Nick
at least you're not petty
while they were escaping
you didn't like
try to burn them
or like kill them
no I wished them
the best of luck
but I just didn't want to be
an NLSer
I would have stomped them
oh Duke said the other day
he loves killing slugs
yeah that was so weird
he's like
I love to watch them
like burn
how often does he
encounter slugs
yeah
and then he goes
sometimes I squish him
with my bare feet I'm like this is weird where do you find slugs yeah how do you find slugs? I've never seen a slug. Sometimes I squish him with my bare feet.
I'm like, this is weird.
Or do you see a slug?
Yeah, how do you find slugs?
Like, dude, what?
He's like, dude, I just have to be honest about this.
If you leave like a bowl of beer out, it attracts a ton of slugs.
Really?
There used to be a lot of slugs like in my driveway in New Jersey.
You can do that in the mountains if you like pee on a rock.
A bunch of goats will come and lick the rock because they like the salt and the pee.
Really?
Goats?
How do you know?
I'm from Colorado.
Oh, wow.
My dad, me and him used to climb mountains and we would pee and then goats would come.
KB, I got to call you out.
I walked past your phone yesterday.
You were on it playing the iMessage game Battleship.
Who's the honey?
Who's the girl?
You don't just play.
And then I said, who is that?
And you said you were just practicing.
Practicing Battleship?
Ship placements, Kyle?
Is that your way of like flirting?
Who's your iMessage baby?
Who's your Battleship girl?
Why?
Because it's weird.
TJ?
Fucking creep. Fucking creep, dude. You can't even look at yourself. battleship girl weird TJ is a fucking creep
Jake Malicek said you have the darkest
brown eyes
there's some life in those eyes we gotta
get that get those fixed battleship
white point battleship yeah that's the
longest way to cut pong can't even flirt in battles. Yeah, it's violent. What's a cup?
Oh, we got a cup pong is when you play like beer pong, but it's on your phone. Oh
Yeah, are you mad at me for calling out your battleship girl? Oh, it's battleships fun. No, it's not stupid
I think it's the most fun game Jordan you good over there
Yeah
Were you just sleeping?
No.
I'm so hungry.
Oh.
You can leave.
Go grab your hail.
Yeah, you're not a hostage.
Bring it back in.
This is a director's cut.
Let's go 24 hours.
We've talked about doing that before.
That would be so awesome.
Just in shifts.
That would be crazy.
That would be so sick.
That'd be kind of cool, actually.
You guys could easily do that,
if you like.
But that takes a ton of,
like, Feidelberg doing that solo
is insane. Oh, yeah. Did he sleep at all, or was he up the whole time? Yeah, he slept. And people were watching him You guys could easily do that. That takes a ton. Feidelberg doing that solo.
Did he sleep at all?
He slept.
People were watching him.
I was yucking it up in the chat during sleep time.
That's funny.
Did he take it to the restroom?
He didn't poop in 24 hours.
He didn't sneeze.
Did he pee though? He didn't sneeze.
He had the COVID.
He didn't sneeze. Fe he pee though? He peed. Okay, good. And he had the COVID. He didn't sneeze.
Why couldn't he have sneezed?
Fidelberg sneezes are gross.
No, I think he could have sneezed,
but he didn't.
Yeah, people would have
had to drop shit
and sneezes in to pee.
Did he leave to pee?
I don't know.
I didn't catch a pee.
I feel like Fidelberg
would be that kind of guy
that would bring the camera with him
if he had to pee.
Yeah, he's shameless.
Yeah.
He is.
Have you ever sneezed while you're peeing? to pee. Yeah, he's shameless. Yeah. He is. It's a great way to be.
Have you ever sneezed while you're peeing?
It sucks.
Yeah, and then I have to
fucking clean up
the fucking tile
on the back wall.
Because they have dicks.
Yeah.
I was like, wait, what?
It's like a fucking
weed go.
Oh, no!
Be good.
Wait, I fuck with
this heavy action.
You probably look like Zal over there.
Wait, put your hands out.
What a monster.
That's how you get to me.
What?
Yeah.
This is dope.
Oh, that rocks.
Oh, TJ's the man now.
Dude, I feel like I'm in a Chitty Bang video.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah.
Pretty much amazing.
That rocks. Oh, my God. That, you do. Yeah. Pretty much amazing. That rocks.
Oh my God.
That's so funny.
Damn, TJ,
you've been sitting
on this the whole time?
That's a feature?
Damn.
Or did you need me?
You complained about
zooming, so I zoomed
in the other way.
This is fucking awesome.
That is really funny.
All right,
anything else
you guys want to add?
I'm just grateful to be here
I love being on the air
Amalia is live with Sass Saturday
That's what I was getting at
Yeah so I was hoping he'd be in this room
So we could finally talk
He's up in Massachusetts
First time ever
I've never talked to Sass either
You don't talk
You do talk
You don't talk with Sass
You can talk to him
And he just
He'll give you a
Maybe he's a letter guy.
Should I write him a letter before the show?
Yeah, you probably write him a letter.
A little calligraphy.
All right.
Yeah.
I've, like, smiled, and he, like, gave me, like, a look.
Yeah, no, so we, like...
Really?
Kind of be online, I guess.
Well, you have only smiled at him.
Yeah.
Well, what was I supposed to do
hey
he's only said no to me
so
you should rub his head too
you should rub the top of his head
no
wait wait
show Hank
show Hank
Hank
Hank
he'll like this
Hank will crack up
you're gonna like this
he doesn't laugh
don't say anything
just
Hank
Hank
welcome to the show
look at his big ass head on the camera Hank. Hank. Welcome to the show. Fucking jersey.
Look at his big ass head on the camera.
No, no, no.
You don't need it.
Just look at it.
You like that?
Have you guys done this?
No.
Oh.
That's so sick, isn't it?
Incredible.
Kind of funny.
It's dope.
He wanted you in here to show off his raw jersey.
That is fire. God damn it. Thank you. Yeah. Buy. Kind of funny. It's dope. He wanted you in here to show off his raw jersey. That is fire.
God damn it.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Buy it off of him.
Name price.
We've been running for a while now.
Size it.
Large.
I'll give you a raw rolling tray.
A raw rolling paper.
I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Okay.
My brother would literally love that
you can't wear that piece more than once
no I'm never going to wear it again
now he has to go home with his shirt off
he's already taken his shirt off
that's exactly what he wants
no Grace he's taken his shirt off
can we do my head
let's see this
I can't even imagine what this is about to look like
it's going to look tight
it's going to look tight as hell.
It's going to look sick.
This is awesome.
Hank looks so good with his tan.
Hank looks tan as well.
You do look tan.
And Hank, are you getting shredded this year?
Yeah, now he's coming.
Eventually, yeah.
Are you in Florida?
Welcome.
No.
Billy's giving me supplements.
Welcome to the team.
Okay.
Oh, TJ.
Uh-oh, we're getting there.
No, no.
Don't move, don't move. Stay there, stay there, yeah. We've got to scale him down No, no. Don't move.
Don't move.
Stay there.
We got to scale them down a little bit.
Crop it in.
This is awesome.
Yeah, isn't it?
What show is this?
Yak.
Can't you tell?
It's the regular crew.
This is very normal.
Patrick, where'd your sisters go?
That rocks.
That rocks.
They probably met some random bartender.
They're probably running a month.
You know what they should do?
Barstool bobbleheads.
Yes.
Who the fuck would buy that?
Me?
All of them?
I don't know.
Barstool fans?
Yeah.
That's kind of a good idea.
Hank, you gotta bobble your head around.
Bobbleheads are fucking dead.
No one's buying them.
Nobody's buying them.
They're collector's items.
They are.
I'd buy that.
I would buy the Hank bobblehead.
Yeah, there's a lot of part of my take fans that would buy a big cap bobblehead.
Yeah, part of my take is bobbleheads would sell.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't think they could do a –
No, they should do fat heads.
I want to be on someone's fucking wall.
Well, a fat head's more intense.
That's like a big-ass thing on your wall.
A bobblehead's like a little collector thing you put on your desk.
I'm going to pitch it.
I'm pitching it.
I'm pitching it.
But KB wants to be worshipped.
Thanks for bobbling.
Well, that could be a part of the shrine.
KB, if you went to a house party
and somebody had a fat head of you,
would you be stoked?
Would you be fucking stoked, dude?
Yes, if anyone did.
You guys aren't allowed to come to my house.
Oh, shit.
Oh, wow.
Remember the cardboard cutout phase?
Did you guys ever have one of those?
I had one of Louis Tomlinson from Wonderland.
Taylor Lautner.
I had Edward Cullen.
I have Derek Jeter still in there.
And I was way too old.
Mace Windu is sick.
You didn't even like Star Wars.
Yeah.
He put a pink balloon on his mouth.
He looked like he was blowing a bubble with gum.
Or just blowing up a pink balloon.
Mm-hmm.
No, no, it's gum.
Shut the fuck up.
It's gum.
Patrick, you ever have a cardboard cutout?
No.
Sorry.
I think it's like a suburban thing to do.
Yeah.
What do you mean by suburban?
You're from the city.
He's from Woodland.
You said you're from the city.
He's from Sugar Land. Listen. That ain from the city. He's from Sugar Land.
That ain't no city.
Listen, this is not exposing Patrick no more.
I've been exposed all day today.
I'm not from the city, you know.
I'm not even from the city he thinks I am.
Oh, gosh.
Exactly.
She just assumed that you were from an, I guess, urban area.
I don't know what that means. He said that he was from? I don't know what that... What does that mean?
He said that he was from Houston.
What does that mean?
I know, she said it's a suburban thing.
I don't know. Am I dressed urban?
Am I dressed urban?
Am I dressed urban?
Not dressed urban.
You dress like an explorer.
Really? Yeah.
Like Lewis and Clark or something?
Nah, like Indiana Jones.
You got like a vampire thing going.
He dresses just like Lewis and Clark.
Bluess and Blark.
They were a thing back then.
You know, I'm taking that high five back.
I fuck with it.
Yeah, you got like an anime vampire thing going.
Oh, you do dress like an anime.
You're in an anime.
Yeah, it's fire.
Like an interview with
the vampire Tom Cruise
yeah sexy vampire
okay I'll take that
yeah
sexy vampire
every time I look at
KB I'm like
you know don't get
too close
I'll bite your neck
oh shit you already
did
I did I'm sorry
damn it
oh god
things got nuts
on that shit
I felt like I left
Vietnam
alright
yeah I'm gonna turn all of you into vampires're nuts. I felt like I left Vietnam. All right. Yeah.
I'm going to turn all of you into vampires, you know?
Dude, I'd love to be a vampire every single day.
You'd love to be a vampire?
Hell yeah, dude.
Vampires are fly as fuck.
I don't want to live forever.
I do not want to live forever.
That's not.
I'd rather be a werewolf, but I'd turn into an actual wolf, not like that scary demon wolf.
I want to be a mummy.
You love mummies.
You told me about this.
I've always loved mummies
when you die we can mummify you please yeah oh that's like we should bring that back yeah bring
back mummifying yes and it doesn't matter like just do it before the casket yeah and if you're
like you open casket funeral and i'm a mummy that's awesome that's the greatest final goodbye
yeah literally that's like the best way to end i want to um stick a dynamite in my mouth and then
my all my body parts explode and all my
friends and family that grab one piece of me and you toss it into a shark so I can swim
on forever.
That's cool.
I like that.
I've really thought about that too.
Logistically, that's pretty tough.
I like that.
I got a couple guys that can help me out.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's cool.
I know some people.
Are we talking about dynamite here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you going to die?
I hope not.
I don't think you will.
I'm not even joking.
I don't think you'll die.
Well, that's good.
I mean, let me be like a god in like 20,000 A.D.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
No.
I mean.
No.
No, no, no.
What the fuck, TJ?
Listen.
Nice.
That's so tight. I'm Zafu. Zafu. No, I'm Dibs, Dibs, Dibs, D. Nice. That's so tight.
I'm Zafu.
No, I'm Dibs.
That's so fucking sick.
Sorry, pal.
Fair enough.
I'm Chitty Bang.
Listen, that's giving me Zah vibes right there.
Jesus Christ.
Love that.
I didn't make it more offensive.
Listen, don't hate on my battle cry, man.
That's your battle cry?
Yeah.
That's how you know I'm coming for you.
Of a generation.
All you hear is, ah!
Where the fuck is he?
Everyone do your battle cry.
Where's Patrick?
Jordan, what's your battle cry?
You need like an example.
Your stomach growling?
No, you guys, you don't understand what I'm trying to say. Okay, George. What's your battle cry? You need like an example. Your stomach growling? Yeah.
No, you guys, you don't understand what I'm trying to say.
Okay, George.
I liked that.
I'm just going to start getting hangry.
We're doing a marathon episode.
Marathon episode.
The show ends at two.
We're not even live anymore.
I'm just talking with you guys. What?
Yeah, we went off because of Sling.
We have to end this at two.
We've just been talking.
That's hilarious.
Is that true?
No, he's lying.
Sling cuts off at two.
But this is still live on YouTube.
Oh, that's so weird.
So now we're not sponsored, so we can say anything.
Oh, word.
All right, so I had a couple things I wanted to say.
Oh, word.
Oh, I do say word.
It's terrible.
I say word all the time.
Everyone says word.
Yeah, I don't say word.
I say word.
Imagine me saying word.
I could see you saying word. I feel't say word. I say word. Imagine me saying word. I could see you saying word.
I feel like you do.
What?
Word.
Word.
Sometimes you get a little...
Word to your mother.
Zesty and sexy.
Yeah.
You'll say some slang sometimes.
You do.
The other day, you actually said two things, and I was like, are you 18?
I wanted to say something, but I was...
What kind of things?
I said I was bowling on the weekend.
No, he was like...
He was picking back. are you trying to?
Are you bowling with the bros?
I do that a lot.
What's the word called when people hang out?
Like the kids say, they want to.
Chillin'?
No.
Link up?
Link up.
I would never say link up.
Nick, you did.
You go, you want to link up.
Oh, he wants to link up with you?
Not me.
No, I would not say I link up.
Dead ass?
What would you say?
What would you say? Squad up? You literally go, do you want to link up? Do you guys want to No, I would not say I link up. Dead ass? What would you say? Squat up?
You literally go,
do you want to link up?
Do you guys want to get together?
Maybe we could all get together.
Have a soiree.
So you tried to think
of two different things,
but you just said
get together twice.
Dude, I hate that you pick up
on stuff like that.
It picks up on everything.
Well, they were right in sequence.
Yeah, it picks up on everything.
As soon as you said that,
I knew he was going to cook your ass.
And then cook she was, Rudy.
Squash thing.
And cook she was. Oh, you're talking to Owen. We squashed his beef like squash. I fucking, I knew he was going to cook your ass. And cook she was, Rudy. Squash thing.
Oh, you're talking to Owen.
We squashed his beef like squash.
I fucked with that.
You're going to crush Saturday.
With my dirty accent.
Thank you.
I'm so bummed I didn't get a ticket.
Same.
I know.
I am just walking in with sass.
Somebody take Owen's ticket.
Who's Oprah?
Oh, Owen has... Owenen he's kind of like
oprah owen has has covet oh but he might be done with his five days that sucks is he giving his
ticket away i don't yeah can i just be your groupie grace yeah i thought i could but um the
kid the other kid was putting it on with him like was like nah like there might be oh he did that to
us last time really yeah and then he asked if he could go on friday night pints i was like, nah. Oh, he did that to us last time. Really? Yeah. And then he asked if he could go on
Friday Night Pints. I was like, dude, what?
He's like, while you're waiting out here. I do like Jared, though.
Shut up, Jared. No, it wasn't Jared.
He's cool. No, it wasn't Jared then.
Maybe I'll try to get a Oprah's ticket then.
Oprah's ticket.
He told me last night
there might be tickets at the door.
Jordan, is your food sitting up there? Yes.
Go get it. No.
Eat it here.
She's going to have FOMO.
Once I leave, I can't come back.
It's 10 feet.
I'm hungry right now.
Did you get soup?
Did you get soup?
Go get it.
That's going to be cold as hell.
I'm not eating you here.
Go get it.
No.
My Dostoros is up there.
Are you a grocery?
Are we doing a marathon show?
No.
All right.
We'll go to three. Truth. No. It's almost 2.30. Jordan, marathon show? No. Alright, we'll go to three.
No.
It's almost 2.30.
Jordan, just leave.
No.
What kind of soup did you get?
Who's eyeing us up from the waiting room?
Hell yeah.
No, not Enrique Cam.
I'm getting my door closed.
Patrick.
Him.
Go, Patrick.
Oh, fuck.
That's kind of awkward.
He's scary.
Oh, he knows you got busted.
You got busted.
Wandering eyes. I can't even. I can't tell. Who is that? He does not fuck with it. It's scary. Oh, he knows you got busted. You got busted. Wandering eyes.
I can't even.
I can't tell.
Who is that?
He does not fuck with it.
He's not smiling.
He's not smiling.
You can't tell.
Who is that?
What did you say, KB?
Chill.
What did you say, TJ?
He's going to think that's us somehow.
You're making me nervous.
What did you say, KB?
You wasn't going to say something stupid, was you?
Yeah, probably.
Yeah, I dreamt about you last night.
Listen, if you dreamt about what I actually did last night,
then you didn't know.
You were playing dice with two Roman soldiers
and a bunch of Irish guys.
Do you have dreams about your coworkers?
No.
I do frequently.
I had a dream that Kenan Thompson tried to hook up with me
and I was on a member of SNL.
Oh, sick.
Because Kenan Thompson was in the office.
When?
That would have been a wet dream for me.
When?
Like a week before a break.
What?
He came on Call Him Poppy.
Kenan?
Yep, yep.
And then I had a dream about him in the night.
Poor Keel.
Yeah.
I do all the time.
What happened to Keel?
Kenan.
Kel?
Keel?
I think he's fine. Kel's? Keenan. Kel. Keel. Keenan and Kel.
I think he's fine.
Kel's fine.
He's chilling.
Keel.
What are we saying?
What's he saying?
Jordan, get your food away from the mic, please.
Food away from the mic, Jordan.
Jordan, your bag is rubbing up against the microphone.
It's making a lot of noise.
It's annoying.
Here, I'm sorry.
No, go ahead.
Eat your soup.
Can we turn on a slurp cam?
You can have your soup and eat it.
Oh, there's Kel.
Go ahead. Well, let's just get the first? You can have your soup and eat it. Oh, there's Kel. Go ahead.
Let's just get the first bite, then we'll let you eat.
Soup cam.
Is that how you get the plastic off the top of the other end of the spoon?
Yeah.
I just pick and pick and pick.
That's why I'm a girl and you're a boy.
It is soup season.
That's why?
Yeah.
What type of soup is that?
Is that like clam chowder?
I love the way you flirt, Patrick.
Hey, listen.
I am for sure going to be using that.
He shows you care.
Does that work?
She hasn't even opened it yet.
What is that, clam chowder?
Jordan, you can slurp.
I mean, on cam.
Patrick, no.
Patrick says it.
I'm on your side.
I'm on your side.
Thank you.
Why are you making it weird
it says slurp cam
it's all good
it says slurp cam
you gotta get more loose Patrick
yeah like
you just bully everyone
what's your guys favorite soup
favorite soup
lobster pins
well I know yours
French onion worldwide
yeah French onion worldwide
what's your favorite soup
favorite soup
I'm from Boston
I have to say clam chowder
okay
I like clam chowder
I'm shocked it took us an hour and a half
to get to favorite soup.
The office won't shut the fuck up about soup.
Yeah, there's a weird soup vibe
going on here.
Everyone's talking about soup.
I'm a big soup girl.
I like soup. It's chili soup.
I've never talked about soup so much in my life.
Sure, I guess. Anything with a broth,
I consider soup. Ice cream? No, ice cream's about soup so much in my life. Sure, I guess. Anything with a broth, I consider soup.
Oh, that smells sweet.
Ice cream?
Oh, TJ.
No, ice cream's not soup because it's not broth.
You just kind of look like my mom.
Patrick, did you ever have soup, or is that more of a suburban thing?
Never had soup, you know.
I was too poor for soup.
Too poor for soup?
Yeah, too poor for soup.
That's just, oh, God. I know, it's crazy. What did you have. I was too poor for soup. Too poor for soup? Yeah, too poor for soup. That's just, oh, God.
I know, it's crazy.
What did you have?
I couldn't even get crackers.
You got one now.
Oh.
The bass keys are running.
Yeah.
Nah.
Slurp cam.
Oh, you guys have to slurp.
You gotta slurp something.
Slurp each other.
I mean, you know.
Oh, my God. Patrick.urp. Yeah, slurp something. Slurp each other. I mean, you know.
Patrick.
Man.
Man, that could have.
Oh, he was just a poor delivery man.
I thought he was in here.
No, I feel bad. Yeah, TJ, you were fucking mocking him.
I think I'm going to get Chipotle, Rudy.
That looks really good.
Everything he does.
Everything he fucking does.
Jesus Christ.
That makes you sick, Nick.
One of the most populous
average restaurants ever.
Jesus.
I hate all women.
Nice.
I haven't had Chipotle
in like two months.
This is Dos Toros.
Oh, it is?
Oh, well, I'm going to get Chipotle.
So then I take it back. It doesn't look good. All right. Oh, it is? I'm going to get Chipotle. Then I take it back.
It doesn't look good.
Feel better, Nick? A little baby?
I feel a lot better.
You little baby incel?
I'm going to be an
incel in 2022.
I'll join you, bro. I'll be an incel.
Now you're a vol-cel, brother.
Voluntary celibate.
That's like what Justin Bieber did.
He was fucking. No, he went celibate I'm involuntary that's like what Justin Bieber did he was fucking no he went celibate
for like
no
how you know
how you know
Patrick
I know
because Justin Bieber
came out
and he said it
and that's why
him and Hailey Bieber
got married
because he was celibate
and they wanted to have sex
oh wow
he did go
oh yeah
he rebranded as a god guy
yes
before his last album
and he went celibate
for like 6 months
or 3 months
you still don't know 3 months celibate I like six months or three months. You still don't know.
You believe him?
I believe him.
What?
That is just normal.
If I have sex once every three months, that's a hot streak, baby.
That is a streak.
Well, he was probably having sex every day.
Every day.
With different people.
Yeah, and then he found God, and he was a virgin.
You really believe that?
I got that equinox dick
What's that Mika
Everybody rides it
The frequency
In which I fuck
Is that of an equinox
Yeah that's right
The gym
I give her the
Solstice strokes
Solstice
That's a blackout
Oh an equinox like
Solstice strokes
I thought you meant
Equinox the gym
Me too.
I'm like, so you're an expensive...
Your mind goes...
Members only.
No, KB goes to Planet Fitness.
Is that where you were going today?
No.
I've been trying to find out where KB was going today.
I was walking to work.
I saw KB, and I was like, where are you going?
He looks at me and just goes, don't worry about it.
And he kept walking.
So on and off camera, he's bizarre.
No, yeah.
I've never seen you in real life.
We went to the Louis the Child concert together.
No, we didn't.
I was there, but I didn't go with you guys.
I was watching.
He said he had his eyes on you.
You know, I've never been in KB's apartment?
Never seen him.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's surprising.
He's never invited me.
Where do you live?
Why would I?
What the fuck?
I shouldn't say where do you live, but what area?
I don't chill at your apartment.
You've been multiple times.
Do you guys hang out?
It would be fun.
Yeah.
But where?
Yeah.
If you're not at each other's apartments.
What do you mean?
That's so true.
Where?
You come to my apartment every so often.
The park?
So Nick, why you never go to his place?
He probably has a fat head of Nick.
Maybe.
True.
Damn, you don't want him to see it, huh?
No, I have the Nepal flag.
It just looks kind of stupid.
So does KB go to your apartment?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Well, because he wants to see your ant farm.
These two guys. And he likes my decor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, because he wants to see your ant farm. These two guys.
And he likes my decor.
Yeah.
I got decor out the wazoo.
Decor?
Really?
That's a sentence I say all the time.
Decor?
Decor?
Out the wazoo.
Yo, baby girl, what kind of soup is that?
I got soup out the wazoo.
Oh, do you have a waffles?
Yes, I do.
Yeah, it is whack.
I'm glad you never invited me.
It's not whack.
Oh, I don't like that.
Oh, they cut it that way?
Thank you.
What about it?
Ladies, is that kind of a turn off? Yeah. It's not whack. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, they call it that way? Thank you. What about it? Ladies, is that kind of a turn off?
Yeah.
It's not a literal red flag.
It's a double red flag.
It's a literal red flag,
not a metaphor.
It kind of like gives me
a pit in my stomach.
Why?
Jordan, you walk into
a dude's apartment
and you see that monstrosity.
It's the only flag in the world
that's not four sides.
Yeah, I don't like that.
What about Ohio?
Yeah, they only...
Yeah, you're right.
Wait, Ohio's flag doesn't have four sides?
How do you know this?
What are they up to?
Come on.
Wait, can you pull up Ohio's flag?
It's a pennant.
Flags in general are a bad idea, dude.
You can't go flags.
Do that in your den or not in the main area.
I have a flag in my main area.
I'm doing it for myself.
That looks like Puerto Rico.
I was just about to say that.
Why does Ohio think that they're special?
Because they need a dub.
Well, state flags are god awful.
That's not even a bottom 20.
Isn't Colorado's flag like famous?
That is a top.
Colorado's is fire.
Colorado's is numero uno.
Arizona is swaggy.
New Mexico is good.
New Mexico is great.
Texas.
I don't mind California.
Do you guys know the state fish of Hawaii?
Texas is that.
Oh, uma, uma, nuka, nuka, apua. Yes. Damn, I thought I had it. Texas I don't mind California Do you guys know The state fish of Hawaii Texas is that Oh Uma Nuka Nuka Apua
Yes
Damn I thought I had it
I only know that
Because of High School Musical 3
Yes
Really
Yeah thanks TJ
I knew it because of
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Good pool TJ
Thanks man
That's our demographics
Yeah that's right
That's where you and me differ
Yeah a lot of these are whack
Arizona's is fantastic.
New Mexico's is nice.
Yeah, New Mexico is cool.
Wait, is Colorado the bear?
I like Colorado's.
I like California.
No, California's the bear.
What the fuck is California?
Alaska's got a little zipper on there.
What is Mississippi doing?
I call KB that every time he puts in a zin.
Mississippi.
They just changed the Mississippi flag last year.
Mississippi is good now.
It's got a bug on it.
It doesn't have the confetti.
Maryland is too complex. Oh's got a bug on it. Maryland is too complex.
Oh, rest in peace your mentions.
They love their flag.
Wait, what's the British one?
What does Minnesota look like?
The British one is Hawaii, I think.
Really?
Why?
Which one's just got George Washington on it?
Hawaii.
Washington.
A bet, bet, bet.
Oh.
Wow.
I feel like Hawaii's does not fit Hawaii at all.
It's very like...
It doesn't.
It's like Rhode Island.
You would take a bite.
There should be a palm tree on there.
Put on a flag before you take a bite.
No, I said I like...
I like Colorado and California flags.
That was the funniest thing that happened this episode.
That's so sick That is sick
Never wanted to be a physical comedian
I get the sandwich every day because of Nick
I said the same thing
Is that the balsamic chicken?
Yep
Yeah, it's good
He recommended it one day and I never could go back
It's good
Tastes like chicken salad kind of
That's what it is
Is it really good?
So good
It tastes exactly like chicken salad
Gee, how often did you like play tennis growing up as a kid?
Never played tennis
I did tennis camp when I was young
I don't have a tennis court in my backyard
Side yard, I'm sorry
I played basketball
I'll cross you up, Patrick
You can't cross
You cannot hoop
You look like a guy that can't hoop
You're playing
Your build can't hoop.
You truly can't.
I got handles.
Patrick.
I got handles.
What was your sport?
Basketball, football, track.
I was a typical jock.
Fair.
Yeah, exactly.
For a star athlete?
I wasn't good at anything.
I was a bong.
My dad was so disappointed.
All he wanted was a boy.
Do you remember when I was in the finals at the Michigan State Open?
Yeah, of course.
You weren't there at the time, were you?
No, yeah, I was.
It was crazy.
The first time or the second time?
I know that guy from Twitter.
Shut the fuck up.
The first time or the second time?
Second.
Okay.
Yeah.
I was like, that guy's on Twitter.
I know him.
KB, don't have that.
Don't have that, huh?
He always does.
He always fucking does.
He always will.
Well, what happens if you don't get it done
he I don't know I like the end of the world I for yeah I make their way into
their close friend it's hard to justify that move no no no no no miss meeting Meeting. What are you thinking? I was working with a girl. Oh, fair. What does that mean?
Making less.
Oh, my God.
Oh, damn.
For the same effort.
Oh, man.
So you're a working girl?
No.
It was a meeting for work.
It was with Beeman, actually.
I was in a meeting with Beeman.
Why'd you say actually?
And actually.
Oh, KB, go have that. That is something I would assume you would meet with.
That's not like a surprise.
Well,
I don't think everyone
knows that I meet with Beeman.
Beeman and I
are close personal friends.
Are you guys close friends?
Yeah.
On your close friends?
I don't have
a close friend story.
Neither do I.
It is for Erica.
You would go to CEO stuff.
Yeah,
everyone who doesn't know
work like a girl
is fired.
It's literally our CEOs.
If you don't know
work like a girl,
you hate women. Nick. Yeah. Guilty. I know what work like a girl is fired. It's literally our CEOs. If you don't know work like a girl, you hate women.
Guilty.
Do you know what work like a girl is?
It's like an all-female LinkedIn.
It's like the beat the streets
for girls trying to be entrepreneurs.
It's honestly not a bad way to describe it.
Literally is an all-female LinkedIn.
She just said no.
It's on LinkedIn.
It's on Instagram.
And the good fellas are in on it.
It's like, here's how to have girl boss...
The good guys.
Yeah, the good guys are in on it, but...
Here's how to girl boss your way to a CEO job.
Yeah.
It's just all about...
It's all about girl bossing.
Girl bossing.
Clench your toes.
Oh, no.
Wait, don't tell him I have black nail polish on right now on my toes.
I know he doesn't like that
Who?
Jerry
Kick ass jobs
kick ass people
What about Jerry and toes?
There's also an Instagram
follow work like a girl
on Instagram
You don't know about this?
Oh god I don't want to know that
Yeah we'll do that
So if you're a man
you can't get on this?
No you can
Oh really?
Men can also work
like girls Rudy
What is the dating app
for like famous people?
Raya
Were you on that Rudy? I got fucking waitlisted I've been waitlisted for like three years You're still? Men can also work like girls, Rudy. What is the dating app for famous people? Raya.
Were you on that, Rudy?
I got fucking waitlisted.
I've been waitlisted for three years.
You're still?
Same.
What is this?
Maybe we can openly ask. Raya?
It's a dating app for influencers.
Whitney Cummings said she was going to get me on Raya, and she couldn't.
What the fuck?
She don't have a pool like that.
That's pretty crazy.
I don't get why a guy would want to be on that.
That would just make things harder than they already are.
Yeah, explain that to me.
Yeah, literally, because he doesn't get it being hard.
Baby's just jealous.
It's just a bunch of girls who have much higher standards.
Yeah.
I don't know what it's like in there.
I couldn't get in.
Okay.
Yeah.
It has to be a bunch of
D, well, according to not Jordan.
It's a bunch of Jordan's A-listers.
I guess the way it works
is it's a very powerful app.
If you talk about it or anything,
you get taken off.
It'll connect to your contacts
and only set you up with people who are
mutual and in the same
social status as you
because they take your social media.
How do you measure social status?
It's like fucked up.
This is fucked up.
Black mirror?
It is kind of fucked up.
It's kind of black mirror.
So you only get matched to people who are in your social status.
When you say social status, you mean just social media,
which does not correlate.
If you're an A-list celebrity compared to like a C-list celebrity.
Career, money.
Yeah, money.
Money?
But does it account for dating history?
Because I used to hook up with Katherine Heigl.
I remember that.
In her 27 Dresses era?
No, a little after.
No, a little after, Nick.
A little after 27 Dresses.
Yes.
Is this real?
Is this real?
No, you fucked Kim.
No. Kim recently. Who? real? Is this real? No, you fucked Semi recently.
Who?
Like, Firefly Lane recently?
Yeah.
Jeez, guys.
This was... Was she in Knocked Up?
I can't tell
if this is real or not.
So far after.
Even, like, her...
Hold on.
Stop.
Was she...
I mean, Katherine Heigl's pretty.
Is she not?
Was she a cast member
on Grey's Anatomy when you...
God!
God!
No, this was way after anything.
Alright, alright, alright.
When did you move to New York?
When did I move to New York?
Two years ago.
I feel like Nick's fine because he doesn't share any personal information.
Catherine Heigl is...
I've heard she's kind of a bitch on set.
That's why I ended things.
She's blackball in bed too.
Find out the most recent
Katherine Heigl project.
Firefly Lane.
I never watched.
I'm a big Katherine Heigl fan.
My grandma said I look like her.
All it took is one major heartbreak for her.
I don't see it.
My grandma also said that Fran looks like Beyonce.
I see that. Definitely see that one. grandma also said that Fran looks like Beyonce. I see that.
Yeah.
Definitely see that one.
Wait, someone said
Fran looks like Beyonce?
My grandma.
Oh, that's cool as fuck.
Yeah.
That's tight.
I like that.
My grandma thinks
I'm a professional.
Yeah, let it out.
What you got to say?
No, I'm just listening
to the dreams.
That's all.
We're not talking
about dreams anymore.
What?
Dreams.
Listen, man.
All right.
Does everyone want to plug their socials?
And we'll go across the street and get a shepherd's pie.
Let's do that.
I'm in on that.
Everyone go follow Rudy Junda fan page.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Rudy Junda fan page.
Follow those numbers.
Follow French Onion Worldwide.
Oh, my God.
Oh, we've never brought that up.
Yeah.
She's been running a French Onion fan page.
Oh, Carl nabbed off you?
Yeah, I started
I started
doing it before Carl.
I'll say that.
God damn.
French Onion underscore
worldwide.
We have gone worldwide.
We've reviewed in Italy
and France.
Yeah, we go there enough.
And yeah, we review
French Onion soup
mostly in the
tri-state area.
I didn't know this was a thing.
Nice.
French Onion underscore
worldwide.
Is that you? Nice. We were on a podcast. Nice. Ben Chanyan underscore worldwide. Yep. Is that you?
Nice.
We were on a podcast.
Yep.
That's our highlight reel.
I'm in on this.
There I am.
There I am again.
There I am again.
All right.
And then there are the bloopers.
What are the bloopers?
And we also sell merch.
We also sell merch.
We sell merch.
What?
Soup season merch.
Soup season merch.
What did you say?
What's the bloopers section of this?
It's like when we fuck up.
But what?
The reviews. Because we record ourselves. Oh, like when we fuck up. What? The reviews.
Oh, they gave me a fork.
We record ourselves talking.
How am I going to eat this?
God damn it, this is a burrito.
This isn't soup at all.
This was two days ago, so this is a pretty active page.
Nailed it. Okay so it's a team
Yeah, so it's me, my friend Krista
And then our two guy friends
That's my dad
French onion worldwide
No, that's at a restaurant
That's Mr. Mariano
He is our biggest supporter And you have merch Is this in like a private French onion worldwide No that's at a restaurant That's Mr. Mariano Yep
He is our biggest supporter
And you have merch
And we have merch
Okay
You guys are the new tacos and titties
Oh I need that
Soup season
Oh yeah you guys are the new tacos and titties
We'll hype you up like
You're that
Oh gimme gimme
I can get you one Nick if you want it
Yeah
What don't you get
About gimme gimme
Yeah
Yep
What does that mean
How do you Nicky said gimme gimme Yeah What don't you get about Gimme Gimme? Yeah. Boy, I'm less good at that than you.
How do you... Nikki said Gimme Gimme.
Yeah.
It means Nikki won.
It's super fun.
And yeah.
If anyone ever needs French onion soup recommendations, I'm your girl.
We had a good one the other day.
French onion soup makes me burp.
I can't eat onions.
And I can appreciate that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You know, it started kind of as just a a joke, and then it became like a very real
thing.
A lot of stories up there.
A lot of highlights.
Lots of highlights.
People ask us.
And parallel thinking, do not tweet at Carl or reply to him saying that he stole the idea.
Don't come for me.
Do not do that.
He didn't steal it from me.
Do not do that.
We did not know each other.
He still has no idea who I am don't do that he wouldn't
it wouldn't offend him
it wouldn't snap or anything
but to be clear
I honestly think Josh has already tweeted
at him and been like oh Gia's trying to come for your
brand whatever and I don't even think
Josh tweets everything and anything
so I support Carl and I don't even think Josh treats everything and anything. Yeah. So, I support Carl
and I hope he supports me.
Yeah.
But yeah,
Friendship Worldwide.
Friendship Worldwide.
Shout out.
So,
one more thing
before we sign off.
You had a bunch
of story highlights.
Kyle,
do you have any?
Hmm.
No.
Yeah,
I need to start.
I think that might be
the highlight.
That could be my move.
That's how Michael Che posts.
Like,
only on his story.
You guys ever?
That's what I do.
Yeah, KB hasn't posted.
When was your last post, Kyle?
But you can archive them.
KB's last post was 2015.
That is insane, KB.
That's when I was born.
KB, I want to know what happened after that picture.
Like, did you see that person?
I'm not quite sure.
I know what's happening during this picture.
I don't remember, dude.
Kind of looks like Patrick's night last night.
Wait, Photoshop, put Patrick's head on top of that right now.
Put Patrick's head on top of that right now.
Hurry, TJ.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Someone's commenting on all of the pictures, TJ.
They're just saying TJ?
Yeah. So TJ's the most popular guy on the Yak
Not a joke
That's not surprising
I know
TJ's so nice
I don't think I've ever officially met TJ
TJ
Me either
Nice to meet ya
Hi TJ
I saw TJ in the elevator
He said yo
He's like Oz
Oh are you new here?
He's Oz
He's Oz in Wizard of Oz
The love for TJ is unbelievable.
TJ, that clip of the Rutgers game was iconic.
Unless you're Jake Malasek.
He just doesn't like you for no reason.
I don't know why you guys called Jake a sweet little boy on the act.
He's not that kind.
He is the last person I would be calling a sweet little boy.
I feel bamboozled.
Is he a foul little boy?
He's a foul little boy.
He's a mean little boy.
He's a meanie.
He's gotten nicer since he started, like since we all met him in June. In June and July, he was a foul little boy he's a mean little boy he's meaning he's gotten nicer since he started like since we all met him in june yeah in june and july mean he was a little beast
sassy yeah i wouldn't say he's mean he's just sassy he also refuses to be yeah he also refuses
to be like seen in public with us i'll talk to him i think that kind of hurt. I mean, it's not like... I mean, we have our own good times anyway.
Yeah.
No, but...
Oh, God.
What was that?
I don't know.
What was that?
That's a good talk.
But he's gotten a lot better, I will say.
He's gotten a lot better.
You want this?
This is one of my many talents.
I'm so good at it.
Oh, man.
I like to dance and shake and dance and shake.
Wait, can you do voices?
A couple.
I love when people can do voices.
I'm kind of suddenly doing a voice.
No, but can you do a lot of them?
I do Irish pretty good because I am a little inbreded with it,
so I have all the Irish qualities that I need.
You guys are so great.
Sometimes it goes Scottish, though.
It's like tricky.
Yeah, I noticed that.
I could listen to people do voices.
She did.
I love it.
You sounded like Sam from Sex and the City when you were talking.
I just love it.
Samantha.
Why would I want Patrick to be KB?
That looks like your chest.
That looks real as hell.
It looks real as hell.
DJ, how did this get?
Did anybody else think he was going to put him on KB?
I want to put him on the only other person.
Wait, wait.
Is that person?
He is on KB. I wanted him on the body. That's not how you do it. That's how you're going to put him on KB? I wanted to put him on the only other bad person in the picture. He is on KB.
I wanted him on the body.
That's not how you do it.
That's how you're going to lose it.
He's looking at Tommy.
Jordan, you better tell him how to love you.
Why does this look so natural?
It looks so natural.
Why does that look so natural?
That is jarring.
This looks like the edited photo.
Yeah, that looks like the OG.
That's the Rothman.
Talk your shit, twin.
Hey, I speak to it.
They call me the ass whisperer.
Yeah?
What?
Patrick.
That's why his ass hurts.
Oh, damn.
He'd just be whispering on the phone.
I'd be blowing.
Blowing?
There you go.
You always got to take it off.
Patrick, you're the one that started it.
You said I be blowing.
You got to keep it cool.
The ass whisperer.
You got to blow on it and keep it cool.
Hey, bud.
No matter what.
We care about you.
A careless whisper
thank you
that's why I like you
William Wallace
I gotta riddle it
that's an Irish person
Braveheart
someone called me
a mick the other day
yeah is that a slur
that is a slur
but I can say it
I'm down with it
that's the one I get
is it like an Irish slur
yeah
do they have those
it's like the G word
for Italians I can't say that I don't Do they have those? It's like the G word for Italians.
I can't say that one.
I don't know what the G word is.
What is the G word?
I'm Italian.
I don't even know it.
What's the G word?
No, I'm very PC.
Guido?
Guinea.
Oh.
Guinea.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know that.
You fucking guinea.
So you went from saying the G word to fucking guinea.
What's the thing that Chris Cuomo got called and he got pissed off?
That was my favorite one.
Fredo.
Fredo. Fredo. Fredo. I'm not fucking Fredo. I am not. What's the thing that Chris Cuomo got called and he got pissed off? That was my favorite one. Fredo. Fredo.
Fredo.
I'm not fucking Fredo.
I am not.
What's everyone's favorite slogan?
Fredo.
You guys have seen me off air.
You know my favorite.
Favorite curse word?
Swear.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know yours.
All right.
I've actually never seen you.
All right.
We're almost at three o'clock.
Yeah, we're almost at three.
Let's call it.
Oh, shit.
We might as well do it.
Damn.
10 minutes left.
Might as well.
That's crazy.
Two-hour yak.
I think every Friday you should do like a lunch.
Friday vibes.
New Friday vibes.
New Friday vibes.
I'm going to the show next week.
I'm so excited.
Me too.
We're all going together.
Where is it?
What show?
Oh, the yak show?
The stand.
Which is a thing, I guess.
Has that been promoted at all?
It was tweeted once on the yak.
It sold out.
Why would we promote it?
Only the diehard know.
Only O'Malley and I knew about it.
I knew about it, too.
That's your natural habit.
I got to have it, too, baby.
Let's go.
KB should be on the other side.
That's all you.
KB, you get the front.
I get the back.
Can we pull up a picture on KB's Instagram the first time he had Molly? Hey, put KB's face on the other face. It, that's all you. KB, you get the front. I get the back. Can we pull up a picture on KB's Instagram the first time he had Molly?
Hey, put KB's face on the other face.
It was a high school prom.
You took Molly at high school prom?
KB can kiss it together.
But the thing is, nobody could tell.
Nobody knew.
That is so funny.
That's my favorite picture.
That's awesome. That went hard at the dances. That looks like a photo from Dayland. That's so funny. It's my favorite picture. That's awesome.
That went hard at the dances.
That looks like a photo from Daylight NBC.
Your shirt's so purple.
That shirt was periwinkle at the beginning of the night.
Dude, your internal body temperature is 180.
No, I was not high.
You look like you're possessed.
No, that was honestly a joke.
That's dangerous.
You look like you're possessed.
I am never like that. How old were you in that was honestly a joke. That is a definite lie. That's dangerous. You look like you're possessed. I am definitely one of like that.
How old were you in that picture?
I was 17.
I was not.
Quaaludes.
Wolf of Wall Street.
I honestly wasn't.
That's the most high picture of all time.
I wasn't even drunk.
No, I swear to God.
You look like you're on PCP, dude.
It was a different time when you were in school.
What song was this, Kyle?
Yeah, Sandstorm.
Welcome to the jungle.
Thanks, TJ.
Oh, wow.
That's what I picture.
It was a joke
because it was like
from Kenny.
He's spouting down.
He did the same thing.
That show's awesome.
What'd you post
on your story, KP?
Oh, that's funny.
What do you mean?
What do I have?
I think YouTube.
You got a live story?
You got a story?
Oh, yeah.
But I post.
I post some stuff.
Yeah.
Always posting. Always posting. All right. If you're not posting. Yeah, we're done. post. I post some stuff. Yeah. Always posting.
Always posting.
All right.
If you're not posting.
Yeah, we're done.
Yeah.
You guys got to plug everything, starting with Gia.
Only fans.
My Instagram is Gia.Mariano.
My Twitter is Giamariano5.
Great.
Pat.
King Pat.
I know.
All right.
Just making sure.
I never forget.
Jester.
Goddamn. Rudy. Rudy. No, you don Just making sure. I never forget. Jester. God damn.
Rudy, no, you don't need it.
Don't need it.
So I'm Patrick Tico, P-A-T-R-I-C-T-O-K-O.
You have a little squiggle, huh?
A little squiggle.
Let me see.
On squiggle.
Yeah, a little tilde.
This will be another 20 minutes.
I mean, what are you trying to say?
Sorry.
Instagram is Patrick underscore the great.
Like Patrick. Patrick with a C. Patrick with a C. Okay, Instagram is Patrick underscore the great, like Patrick.
Patrick with a C.
Patrick with a C.
No K.
We don't do no damn
Ks over here.
Patrick P as in Patrick.
Yeah.
KB.
Hold on, hold on.
I told somebody
somebody wanted me
to call myself Patty Ice.
What do you think about that?
No, that's the worst
shit ever.
Somebody tweeted at me
and I was like,
what the fuck is Patty Ice?
I knew a kid in college
that went by Patty Ice.
Every guy named Pat or Matt
is like, I'm Matty Ice.
That's what I thought too.
He was the kind of kid that was so pale
that he would get red.
I have rosacea.
I get tan as hell.
You got good color, KB.
Bix and Abathis All my handles are all different
Let's go Instagram
No, you gotta go Twitter
No, dude, I want 10k by the end of the month
10k on this?
You heard that
Get O'Malley to 10k
Let's get it right now
Let's get it right now
O'Malley to 10k
That's my goal
Click it, TJ
Oh, you're already following
Oh, word, thanks guys Let it, TJ. Oh, you're already following.
Oh, word.
Thanks, guys.
Let's hit a refresh.
Oh, fuck that.
She better be at five.
I mean, are those people still watching this?
Nope, one.
You got one.
I lost.
69.
Hell yeah.
Hey, that's enough.
Jordan?
Instagram, Jordan Woodruff, TikTok, Jordan Woodknow.
And I want to get to 30K on Instagram so I can share my skincare routine with the world.
Wait, what does that mean?
Wait, what do you mean?
Why do you have to get 30K or something?
She said it's gold. Oh, you guys don't follow me.
I see.
You don't watch my content.
It's fine.
You post 7,000 stories a day.
And you watch every single one.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah.
What?
Why do you need 30K?
Oh, it's just like a running joke that like on my tiktok i couldn't
hit a certain number so i lowered it and then i kept lowering it and then finally i was like fine
if you guys give me a 30k on instagram i'll share my skincare just like an inside joke with okay got
it we're on the inside now uh mad dog uh my instagram is at madeline conroy my twitter is
at mad conroy nine fuck you Alright, that was the Yak.
Thanks for having us on.
Good time.
Triple crown.
Corn dogs.
Corn dogs and beer.
Have a good weekend. on TikTok. Da midget zimbo TikTok. That's right.
Follow TJ too.
Viva!
Viva!
It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee stop.
It's the act.
It's the act. We'll see you next time. Thank you.