The Yak - The Yak Best Ball Draft By DraftKings | The Yak 7-16-24
Episode Date: July 16, 2024Big Cat might have a Coach Duggs problem...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.lin...k/barstoolyak
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up.
Yak.
What's going on with the headphones?
Roback.com.
Did the earpiece pop off?
That happened to yours in the Anus Studio, too.
It's a high ear type of thing.
It's a youth thing.
Wow, cauliflower.
Cauliflower fights back.
Roback's Azalea collection back for a limited time for summer.
Yeah.
Everyday shorts have an elastic waistband.
They can be dressed up or down.
Roback.com.
What's the best way to get 20% off?
You can use code YAK at Roback.com. R-H-O-B-A-C.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
That's 20% off swim trunks and all performance shorts, polos, and more with code YAK.
Roback.com.
Nice work.
Yeah. Why'd you touch me? YAK. Roback.com. Nice work. Yeah.
Why'd you touch me?
Nice job.
Okay, thank you.
Some physical touch.
That's a love language of mine.
Gift giving is another big one for me.
Are you good at gift?
You are good at gift giving.
Yeah.
That's your language of, that's how you express love?
Or is that your receiving language?
That's how I express love.
I grow up and give.
The thing is
If you want to be a good gift giver
Buy them something they would never get for themselves
Don't get them something they
Have talked about wanting
They'll get that
That's my playbook
To make it a little easier
So what makes you feel love?
What makes me feel love?
You don't like getting gifts
No, hate it
Words of affirmation You're not a touch boy Love. What makes me feel love? Yeah. You don't like getting gifts. No, hate it. Hate it.
Words of affirmation.
You're not a touch boy.
Do you like getting touched?
Depends on the person.
Okay, so you didn't mind that.
Not in the slightest.
Okay.
Not in the slightest bit.
Big Cat will be here in five minutes.
We've got four gauntlets coming up.
Four gauntlets, yeah. There will be four yak gauntlets coming up
as we get ready for our DraftKings best ball draft,
which will be happening, I guess.
Look at that big board.
Yeah, big old board over there.
Luke, you put this together, right?
Yeah.
Special episode.
Yeah, I did.
Honestly, yep, it's all my brainchild.
Luke's best ball.
Yep.
It's my brainchild.
Look at that little ball right there.
A little orb.
Did everybody bring their best balls? Yeah. Because I left the house early and forgot my brainchild. Look at that little ball right there. A little orb. Everybody bring their best balls?
Yeah.
Because I left the house early and forgot my best ball.
I don't have my best ball.
I bought a controversial ball.
A controversial ball?
I think people are going to be upset about it.
You went and bought a ball?
What is it, a gourd?
No, I have a ball.
Clementine?
You brought a ball, you said.
Okay.
This is not my brainchild, by the way.
LiAngelo?
He's the best rapper of the three i think he is he's lavar's favorite what no i believe jello uh jello i think because i've seen the interview
where he's like uh jello's the least successful basketball one yes and they're like so what about
jello and he's like jello's the best one no he said jello's the best looking one i think he said
jello's the best one i think he's his Jell-O's the best looking one. I think he said Jell-O's the best one.
I think he's his favorite one.
There's no way he means that.
He might not mean it, but he said it.
Jell-O, Mello, and Lonzo.
Yes.
There's a fourth, too, I think.
What's his name?
I forget.
No one ever talks about him.
Remember when Jell-O stole a purse in China
and then thanked Donald Trump for getting him out of prison?
Yeah.
That was a great college basketball moment.
Did he do a stint in Lithuania?
I think.
All of them did?
Yeah, all did.
Latvia?
Lonzo never did, right?
Lonzo went to UCLA and he didn't do Lithuania.
Yeah, Lonzo didn't.
The others did.
Entry trouble, sad.
Jeff Goodman flew halfway across the world to cover them,
and then LeVar Ball would not give Goodman the time of day.
And I'll remember that for the rest of my life.
It was so funny.
Anyway.
It's probably frustrating being in another country
and not being able to get the time of day.
Yeah, he's like, I'm going to neglect every other thing I could be doing
in media right now, and I'm going to go to Latvia, Lithuania.
I think it was Latvia.
Latvia, and follow the Ball family.
I'm sure they'll give me access because no other journalist is doing this.
And then he got there and they're like, we're not talking to you.
Oh, wow.
Got to respect it.
Who's the most famous Latvian?
Porzingis.
Kristaps.
Didn't Clem go?
Yeah.
They did.
You're right.
I'm sure he did.
Why did Hank go?
They went when Kristaps was drafted.
Oh, really?
We'd just be doing stuff here man Is Latvia, are they like borscht over there?
I think so
Oh Baryshnikov
That's ballet
Hello Anina
Oh they all got funny names
Rothko, he's a painter right?
I think that's a store
That's Ross
Oh okay, sorry Kristaps Porzingis He's a painter, right? Oh, yeah. I think that's a store. That's Ross. Oh, okay.
Sorry.
Christoph Porzingis.
Eisenstein.
See, that's close to Einstein.
They got babes in Latvia?
They surely do.
I think so.
I think so.
I think they'll karate chop your dick off, though.
I think, yeah, it's a milky women.
Are they a militant people?
Are they?
I mean, are they a former Soviet state?
Almost certainly.
They're fruity Finns, like Finnish people, but less hard.
Are the Finns hard?
I don't think the Finns are hard.
I feel like they're the hardest of the Scandinavians.
They're the most rugged, maybe?
They have the toughest land for Russia to deal with.
Maybe not.
Finns probably aren't hard.
Who's a famous Finn?
They're harder than the Danes. Latvians are harder than the Danes. Oh, everyone's harder probably aren't hard. Who's a famous Finn? They're harder than the Danes.
Latvians are harder than the Danes.
Oh, everyone's harder than the Danes.
Who's a famous Finn?
Is there a golfer?
Finland?
They're famous for their hot military guys
with the long blonde hair
and the thick bodies.
Well, let's see famous Finns.
Laurie Markkinen.
Handsome.
Yeah.
The Finisher.
Oh. You don't have to say it like that you just say finisher that works better yeah because he's finnish
not too many famous no
what was that badass movie of the guy who killed nazis
inglorious bastard private ryan no the one you put me onto is less known. Oh, uh, um,
Sisu?
Sisu, yeah.
S-I-Z-U.
Is he Finn?
He might be Finn.
Oh my god.
You put him onto a movie
that's not like
Kung Fu related?
It is.
Yeah, it is.
It's fighting.
Alright, Big Chad Sear,
we can do best ball.
Sorry, guys.
It's okay.
We were doing the Mount Rushmore. We were doing It's okay. We were doing the Mount Rushmore.
We were doing famous Finnish people.
We were doing the Mount Rushmore of things we have not seen TV shows, movies.
Whoa.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
You've been stepping it up this year.
Yeah.
I think I might get an abortion.
With your...
Yeah, this is your mid-year review that you just walked into.
You're doing pretty good, man.
I've been liking your pics lately.
Oh.
Sandwich, any regrets?
No, I don't think so.
I would have chicken parm, bacon, egg, and cheese,
buffalo chicken sub, and Italian beef.
Yeah, that's great.
Yeah, it's all good.
Hey, guys, sorry.
Have you guys done your best balls yet?
No.
No, we're waiting on you.
Who wants to go first?
Brandon.
I left the house and forgot my best ball.
I bet you have some good-ass balls, too.
I do have good balls, but I don't have any.
I brought one for you.
You brought me a best ball?
Yes, because I also left my house and forgot my balls.
Circle back?
No, very embarrassing.
I had my wife drop off the balls for me.
She literally drove to the office with the bag
and was like, here are the balls you requested.
But she can't be surprised by anything.
No, not at all.
But it still is such a hilarious concept.
That's like she has three children.
They're like, oh, they forgot this.
They forgot their water bottle they
forgot their lunch and then me being like hey can you grab a couple balls it's like a fifth grader
that got an awesome football for his birthday he wants it for recess like the kids are gonna love
it yeah fuck i forgot to bring i thought about telling my wife but i would be more embarrassed
to try to describe to her where in the house my favorite ball would be than i would be for her to
drive all the way down oh if she brought you the wrong ball oh that would be bad ball would be, then I would be for her to drive all the way down. Oh, if she brought you the wrong ball. If she brought me the wrong ball.
Oh, that would be bad.
That would be devastating.
But yes, I brought you a ball.
Would you like the ball?
I need the ball, yeah.
It's a really good ball.
Which ball am I presenting as the best ball?
Whoa.
That's a good ball.
That's a good ball, right?
Pretty good ball.
I was thinking about worst ball talk we were having yesterday.
Single ball pit ball sucks.
Yes. Single, yes. Can't do shit with a single ball pit ball. Has to be in quantity. I have a about worst ball talk we were having yesterday. Single ball pit ball sucks. Single, yes.
Can't do shit with a single ball pit ball.
Has to be in quantity.
I have a dinger ball.
Be careful.
Very careful.
The Rockies mascot, dinger.
Dinger.
Dinger.
That's a good ball though, right?
Pretty good ball.
It's good throwing because it's soft.
Toss it.
It's a good ball.
I like the smack sound. Yeah, it's a good ball. You do we get a hundred in a row
Yeah, oh, oh that yeah, it's a nice ball
Hey, oh sure What the fuck? Come on. Come on. You got to catch that. That's close. God damn it, man.
I'm going to get you back with my balls.
All right.
Who else has balls?
All right.
I'll go.
I have alternative balls.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
I don't have any balls in my apartment, but I do have these, which I bought Fourth of
July week.
I have poppets.
That's a ball.
That's a ball?
That's a ball that explodes.
Yeah, it is a ball.
Wait, are those the things you throw at the ground?
Oh yeah
It's cylindrical aren't they?
No they're round
They kind of look like a sperm cell
It looks like heroin dude
Oh I love that crinkle sound
Let's all go hit Liam Blutman
Hey did you guys talk about the fact that the field we were going to use today
Is tornadoed
It is where the tornado
touched down. Did you see the
street with the whole roof fell in
it? And entire buildings roofed off
in the middle of Joliet right on their main
street. So
are we going to be okay with our field? Yeah.
You put these in
your mouth? Yeah.
I don't. Whoa!
Right off the TV. So much fun. fun wait where'd you chuck that i threw
it off the carpet and then it hit the tv kyle outside of underwear could you pop them with
your ass cheeks outside of underwear i don't want you i don't want you to i don't want you
to make your hole bigger oh yeah you're gonna have to do on the court
kyle's trying
No not outside of underwear
Oh
Maybe
Good balls
You don't have balls but you had poppets
Okay
Yeah
What else did you guys talk about when I came in
We were talking about famous Finnish people and Latvians.
The Ball family.
LaMelo.
They're Latvian?
No, they went to Latvia.
Wait, so who did we find out for Finnish people?
Nobody.
Why don't other countries create more famous people?
I don't know.
Because they have to focus on being alive.
Yeah, they're next to Russia.
Wait, wasn't Bjork? Bjork is Swedish. He's Icelandic, isn't he? They're so bad at it. They're being alive. They're next to Russia.
Wasn't Bjork?
Bjork is Swedish. He's Icelandic.
One of the Bjors are Icelandic.
Who's the most famous Finnish fish?
Bjork's dad, isn't she?
Bjork died this year.
Is Bjork and Bjorn Borg?
Bjorn Borg's a tennis player.
Bjork wore the swan.
Yes, she's the singer.
Anti-Pope?
She hates the Pope?
No, that's Sinead O'Connor.
Sinead O'Connor.
That is well.
So Bjork is alive.
Yes.
Wait, so who is the most famous Finnish person?
We didn't really get that.
Parkinen.
That's it?
Yeah, I think that's it.
Damn.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no.
Timu Salami.
Who's that?
What?
This hockey player? Timu Salami? Yeah. Oh, no, no. Timu Salami. Who's that? What? This hockey player?
Timu Salami?
Yeah.
Fact check that.
That sounds Italian.
It's like a cheap salami.
The Finns had some good hockey players.
Oh, they have to have hockey players.
Yeah, yeah.
He is Finnish.
Nice.
Point for Big Cap.
Huge.
That's the kind of stuff you've been talking about with how I've been doing.
Yeah, you've been up.
Yeah.
His nickname is the Finnish Flash.
Okay.
Che also tried to call somebody the Finisher.
The Finisher.
And it didn't work.
Jörn Borg is also not German.
Swedish.
Yep.
Yeah.
I feel like Sweden has a lot of famous people.
Yeah. Victoria Silvestet. They're Sweden has a lot of famous people. Yeah.
Victoria Silvestet.
They're hot people.
They're hot people.
Swedes are hot.
They're tall.
Usually have a whole bikini team.
Who else?
Is it true?
Asa Bass?
Fucking Avicii, right?
Avicii is Swedish.
He's dead.
Dead.
The rednecks.
With a Z?
The Cotton Eye Joe guys?
Yeah.
Those guys are Swedish?
Yeah.
That feels very...
Ain't right.
Wait, so they were making fun of us.
Oh, yeah.
We were dancing?
We were dancing to it.
I was dancing my ass off to that.
Yeah, I worked up a lot of beads of sweat to that song.
That's so fucked.
It was Weird Al-esque.
I wish you hadn't told me that.
Yeah, the rednecks.
Where did you come from? It was Weird Al-esque. I wish you hadn't told me that. Yeah, the rednecks. You know, today it's kind of Joe.
Where did you come from?
Nah, I'm back in.
That's a good one.
It's a good song.
Joke's on them.
They made a good-ass song.
Yeah.
And we love it.
Have you guys heard the stereotype that there's so many hot people there that they work at McDonald's?
Yeah, like they...
What?
Oh, the hot people work at McDonald's?
Yeah, because they just have so many hot people that it's just like... Their people are hot. Yeah. That'd be crazy. PewDiePie. How about we have some hot people work at McDonald's? Yeah, because they just have so many hot people that it's just like...
That'd be crazy. PewDiePie.
I bet we have some hot people at our McDonald's somewhere.
Did you guys see the hot cop yesterday?
No. Oh my god.
Hot woman? Oh, yeah.
With the tits.
Oh, hot lady cop. Two of them.
Where? What city? Miami.
Oh, Lord. You fired CJ?
People were going goo goo gaga for her
myself included
yeah
I thought it was like
a prank video
that's how hot she is
did you want to go
boom boom
I want to go boom boom
in my panties
look at her
yeah
holy shit
yeah she's hot
and she was powerful
fuck yeah she could put handcuffs on you and then you'd be the furry kind Holy shit. Yeah, she's hot. And she was powerful. Fuck yeah.
Yeah, she could tell me.
She'd put handcuffs on you.
And then you'd be.
The furry kind.
You'd be at her mercy.
The furry kind.
Imagine if she was so hot, you're like, you're going to need fur.
Get the fur.
Okay, who else got best ball?
You've been hyping this up.
Signed Quaffle.
Whoa.
Great ball.
Signed Quaffle.
Who's it signed by?
I believe Matthew Lewis.
My dad brought this back from San Francisco once.
Matthew Lewis?
What is a Quaffle?
That's a Harry Potter thing.
That's signed by Neville Longbottom.
I knew that.
I think. I think.
I think it's him.
Oh, this is not what I thought it would be.
Oh, yeah.
It's a good-ass ball.
Just go chuck it.
We've tossed the coif around a little bit.
We've tossed coif.
Give me a touch.
What do you got, Titus?
That's very nice.
I have, from the 2000 Final Four, which was held in Indianapolis.
Whoa!
I was 12 years old.
You're in football mode.
Sorry.
Yeah.
I hit a half-court shot at Fan City
in the convention center in Indianapolis
as a 12-year-old
to win a Dick Vitale signed basketball.
Oh, my God.
God damn it.
A little back story with Dick Vitale.
Dick Vitale is, in my estimation,
one of the handful of people
who have done more for my favorite sport than anybody else has ever lived.
Ever.
And on top of that, we asked nothing else of them.
We asked him to be a pioneer and ambassador for the sport of college basketball.
He's done that tremendously.
No one asked him to step up for cancer research in the way that he did.
His friend Jim Valvano died.
He devoted his life to finding a cure for cancer in the best
way that he could and a cruel twist of fate cancer has come for him a handful of different times he
is in a very very tough battle right now he's a hero of mine I love college basketball I love
Dick Vitale and anybody who makes light of him given the current the current situation that he's
faced with has to be a real piece of shit.
So this is the best ball that I brought in.
So actually, Titus, I knew you had that ball.
Yeah.
And I have Dick Vitale as a guest today.
Are you serious?
Yes!
That's awesome, baby!
You see how you get them?
I booked Dick Vitale.
You have anything you want to say to 12-year-old Mark Titus, Dick?
What?
You're going to be huge one day.
Oh, yeah.
Listen here.
Oh, the places you'll go.
Trust the process.
Trust the process.
Dick, do you have anything you'd like to say?
I wish Mark nothing but the best.
You can't do it when it's out of Are You Serious or Diving.
I'm not that deep in the Diggy V bag.
Okay.
All right, Kate, you got a ball?
Oh, yeah.
Some will say this is not a ball.
I say it is.
This is a 1972.
Been in my family for four generations now.
Fisher Price Happy Apple.
Whoa.
Hold on, hold on.
That's an apple? That's creepy. And, buddy, happy apple. Whoa. Hold on, hold on. That's an apple.
That's creepy.
And buddy, it don't flip.
Hold on.
Hold on a second.
What do you mean it don't flip? Okay, I guess it does.
Don't flip.
That's all it's doing.
Hold on a second.
Hold on, hold on.
Hold on a second.
Hold on a second.
1972 is four generations?
Three?
Four?
I'm not good at math.
Hold on a second.
52 years?
Your great-grandparents gave it to your grandparents?
It's 1972, Fisher-Price.
You go four generations every 50 years?
Is that long or short?
Really short?
Short, yeah.
Three generations.
Four decades?
Four decades it's been in our family. No, longer than that. Five decades. Yeah, 20. Three generations. Okay. Four decades? Four decades it's been in our family.
Whatever.
No, it's five.
Five decades.
Yeah, 20 to 30 years.
Okay.
We've had it for a long time.
The Fisher-Price Apple Bowl.
Anybody want to point out it's not a ball?
No, it's not a ball.
I would disagree.
It's not a ball.
It's round.
It's round.
It rolls.
It could be used as a ball.
It writes itself.
It makes a pleasing sound.
I played with that exact apple when I was a baby.
Could you have a catch with it?
Sure, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
There you go. It's pleasing.
Is it breakable?
It makes good noises.
I mean, it's more of a ball than the Pop Rocks.
True.
More of a ball than the Pop Rocks.
Come on.
No, you can't break the happy apple.
Those are poppets. Pop Rocks are the things you put in your mouth.
Oh, whatever. Kyle can't break it. Poppets? No, no, no. You got it wrong, you can't break the happy apple. Well, those are poppets. Pop rocks are the things you put in your mouth. Oh, whatever.
Kyle can't break it.
Poppets.
No, no, no.
You got it wrong
and I need you to sit there.
You didn't bring a ball in, Brandon.
Dan brought me a ball.
What was that ball called?
Dinger ball.
Yep.
Dinger.
You!
AB, you want me to go?
You want to go?
I don't have one.
I have two.
Wait, oh.
He's got something.
Fucking tennis ball. Oh. Signed by J.B. I have two. Wait, oh. He's got something. Fucking tennis ball.
Oh.
Signed by J.B. Smoove.
Oh.
What?
Let me see the signature.
I'm not falling for this.
Camera on.
J.B. Smoove is a perfect level of celebrity.
Tennis ball signed by J.B. Smoove.
Wow.
Holy shit, that is the best one.
Where'd you get that?
That's a great ball.
Be careful with that.
How about J.B.?
That looks really convincing.
It's easy.
It looks better than my fake Matthew Lewis one that I spent all morning counterfeiting.
All right.
My best ball is it's not signed or anything.
Oh, is that what I think it is?
I don't know what you think it is.
What do you think it is?
The ball that doesn't make sounds?
Yes.
Yes!
So, like, I go back and forth with, like, being like,
I want to be a helicopter parent and, like, push my kids in sports a ton
and then realizing I'm a pussy and also not
athletic but I bought this
because I saw an Instagram ad
it's you can practice your
ball handling without making
sound in the house and this ball rocks
oh wait
we're on carpet but
but what does it feel
like it kind of has the weight
of a real basketball.
There are multiples.
I have two of them. Wait, can you go out on the court?
Yeah.
Go out on the court, Brendan.
It's so much fun.
It's the most fun ball to play with.
It doesn't feel like a basketball.
It bounces.
It bounces like a basketball.
And it makes no noise.
It doesn't feel like a basketball.
See?
Very quiet.
Yeah.
That's cool.
You could definitely practice. If we had this when we were cool. You could definitely practice.
Like, if we had this when we were kids, you could definitely practice your ball handling with it.
It's a little foamy.
Yeah, it's fun.
Oh, it's more dense than I thought.
Yeah, because it has the weight of a basketball.
It's got a heft to it, really.
Yeah, it's got a heft.
Yeah.
A very fun ball to play with.
I like the feeling.
Are you already teaching your kids, like, ball skills?
No, I bought it being like, yeah, my four-year-old will definitely learn crossovers.
And he just throws it at his sister.
Nice.
So.
Oh, it's sparkly a little bit, too.
It's a fun ball.
Oh, that's great.
Have you seen the airless basketballs?
Yes.
Those are nuts.
Those are wild.
They don't even look real.
That's virtual reality.
Zahn, Stephen Chay, did you bring in a ball?
Yeah, I'm not.
I don't have that many balls.
I'll pause, by the way.
Laying around.
Laying around.
So I brought, I believe, actually the majority, if not everyone,
was present for this one.
The foul ball from the Cubs' Diamondbacks.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I tried to go figure out.
Hi, Zah, I tried to figure out what number pitcher was last night.
It lasted about a minute, and I was like, I'm out kind of thing.
But, yeah, that's my ball.
Propelled the Diamondbacks to the World Series.
Did you guys see the guy who caught the home run ball that cashed his bet?
Yeah.
How awesome was that? What? He bet a guy to hit a home run, and he caught the home run ball to cash his bet. Yeah. How awesome was that?
What?
He bet a guy to hit a home run, and he caught the home run.
Oh, my.
Yeah, that's the coolest thing.
Ever.
It was like a pretty big, like, it was like 80 bucks to win, like, 500 or something.
It was pretty awesome.
He's the souvenir.
I'd pay for him.
TJ?
Steven, did you get a haircut?
I did, yes.
Did you shave at all?
No, I had skin fade.
I had to do a hat first day.
I brought a mini ball from the Final Four in New Orleans in 2022.
Oh, nice.
Every year I go to the Final Four, I get a mini ball.
I have like 20 of them in my house.
You've been to 20 Final Fours? No, no, no. I want to have like 20 of them in my house. You've been to 20 Final Fours?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I want to have like 20 of them in my house one day.
I have three of them.
This is the first one, though.
What event have you guys been to the most?
Any over 20?
Indianapolis 500 for me.
You have?
Final Four might be up there for me now.
I've been to probably seven or eight.
Yeah.
Stacks.
Eagles games.
That doesn't count.
It's got to be like
an event.
A specific Eagles game.
Yeah, I got nothing.
Grateful Dead shows.
Events.
At the Sphere.
At the Sphere, yeah.
No, I'm saying like,
yeah, but in general.
Yeah, no.
I'm a one and done kind of guy.
Yeah, I don't think
I've ever surpassed three.
Super Bowl weeks, but I've never been to a Super Bowl.
I've seen Dave Matthews band three, four times.
Been to the U.S. Open twice.
Golf or tennis?
Come on.
Never catch me at the tennis fucking U.S. Open.
U.S. Open tennis is very cool, man.
I lived like 10 minutes away from there, and I would never.
Feels like it's more your speed. You can sit down though.
You know.
Yeesh.
I mean golf
that was hurtful.
Objectively.
Golf affects a lot of walking.
Very hurtful.
A lot of walking.
A lot of walking at golf.
It was the extra hurtful because
it's 100 correct so that's what it really hurts we're like not only did that hurt but you were
right that's a tougher spectator thing for you to do stand yeah there was a lot of walking the
worst sporting event to go to Tour de France.
You just see that little leg. That would
suck. Yeah, marathon.
Cross country championship.
Tour de France. Pickleball.
Would be cool though.
Easy.
Brandon, what's the event you've been to the most?
Like SEC football games
no
it has to be an annual event
yeah
like I said Final Fours
I probably
I've probably been to like
Egg Bowl would count
Egg Bowl
Egg Bowl
yeah probably been 20
Egg Bowl would count
oh you've been to 20
in person
yeah probably
oh wow
that might be shorting it
a little bit
I've been to two Rose Bowls
yeah
that was cool
lost in part
oh fine two Rose Bowls. That was cool. Lost in public.
Oh.
Wow.
Oh, where's he going?
That ain't Europe.
Nope.
That is
100% not Europe.
That's crazy.
Holy shit.
Also, despite everything going on, I think Tel Aviv is one of the most desirable locations in the world.
It's a gay mecca.
A gay mecca?
I think it's a place to lay.
With anyone.
With anything.
It might be one of the gayest cities in the world.
Poor Roan.
He was mad about Milwaukee.
Yeah, I get it.
I was going to love telling you.
He was despondent over Milwaukee.
Does this help or hurt his chances of getting to Iran?
It helps.
Can you see if he'll come on real quick?
We get a comment from him.
It helps. Yeah, he's going to go to... Closer, but... chances of getting to Iran. Can you see if he'll come on real quick? We get a comment from him. Helps?
Yeah, he's going to go to...
Closer, but...
Yeah, but I think once you get that on your passport...
The company you keep.
I think he's got to go to Iran first.
Yeah, because once you get that little symbol...
That might be a tough one.
Well, good for Pat.
I'm sure he got a lot of money.
I bet you he did.
Wow.
That team's building like a super team, too.
They're signing a lot of players. Who bet you he did. Wow. That team's building like a super team, too. They're signing a lot of players.
Who do they play?
Who do they play?
They're in the second division, but I think they're making a real push to go up one.
But what league is it?
I was on r slash NBA.
It's not just Israeli, is it?
No.
The good news is I think that opens up a spot in surviving Barstool.
I'm not doing it.
Oh, I was going to say say for francis cool what if you
get asked i'm gonna say no damn why are you gonna dave was right by the way i just like to be able
to say that it was it was the exact comment you missed yeah uh titus made when you got up i said
i've been to the u.s open twice and he said tennis or golf, and I said golf, come on.
And he goes, well, tennis feels like more your speed because you can sit down.
It hurt my feelings, but it was right.
It is correct, yeah.
Yeah, it was 100% correct.
Yeah.
Sometimes those are the worst.
Sometimes they hurt the most.
They hurt the most.
But they're right.
Yeah.
Congrats to Pat Bev.
Can I show you guys my best ball?
Oh, yeah, please. We'd love to see it. Wait, can I do a game time ad read first? Yes, yes, yes. Congrats to Pat Bev Can I show you guys my best ball? Oh yeah please
We'd love to see it
Wait can I do a Game Time ad read first?
Yes yes yes
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app today last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed the uh anthem singer from last
night just posted an update oh she said oh was she not auto-tune she's no she blamed i'm drunk
and going to rehab oh that's a good move shut up that's a good move. Shut up. That's a great move.
That was really her?
It's a good move.
It was Ingrid.
Hey, Malasek.
No.
You just showed me.
You saw it.
You're kind of a dick now.
Yeah, you should.
Oh, did Malasek botch an anthem today?
No, but he talked shit about her.
Well, she was sick, Malasek.
Now I feel bad.
I don't think he feels bad, but that's fine. i don't think he feels bad but that's fine i don't think he feels anything all right so what are we doing here i want to talk to roan see if he's going to israel
we're doing four gauntlets yeah i want to talk to roan as well and then we're doing a best ball
draft tj did you hit him up i sent him a link all right steven j really wants to show his best look at him he's holding it
alright go ahead Stephen
oh it's in a case
so it's more of a it is a ball
okay
good you completed the first part
it's more of a sedimental piece
it washed up on the shore
it's a rock it's a round rock Sedimental piece. It washed up on the floor.
It's a rock.
It's a round rock.
Say that word again.
Sedimental.
No.
He actually thinks that's funny.
Say it again.
Sedimental. Oh, no.
Even I know that.
Clown dog.
What is the word?
What is it short for?
If something is that, what is it short for?
It has what?
Sentimental.
There.
Now say it again.
Sentimental.
Why are you doing this?
Somebody's in your...
Doug said it the right way.
Doug.
Fucking Doug.
Doug's been scheming.
You kept on saying sedimental.
Oh, like sediments of rock?
Yeah.
Okay, apologies.
All right.
Relax, guys.
You said it like three times.
Listen, we don't get these moments often with you.
Fair, fair.
Where he fucks up, we get those all the time.
No, but it's a clear fuck up he can't get out of.
Okay.
Yeah, that's right.
You know what I mean?
Usually he can talk his way out of it.
He just said the word wrong.
Yeah.
It'd be great if he had a geode.
Turn it all around.
All right.
So growing up, I got an authentic NFL football.
We're going on a journey right now.
That's a lot of explanations.
I got this when I was maybe 10 or 11 years old.
I played this thing nonstop, throwing it up against my ceiling where my bed was covered with football marks.
Anyway, I played this thing all the time.
I have constant nightmares, and I would never play with it outside, ever.
Constant nightmares that my brother would play with it
or it would get out somehow.
So, footballs inside have a bladder,
and the bladder can puncture.
And so, this is the football.
But I still have it.
It's very special to me.
And yeah, carry this thing around all the time indoors.
Throw it around every box game to myself.
Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
What's he saying?
Jay's like one of those girls that has their stuffed animal from when they were four and it looks disgusting.
It's a deflated football.
It's a deflated football?
Yep.
And what is it?
It was the football I played with growing up. Is it signed?
No. Nope. Just the one I played with
every day growing up. Why wouldn't you
inflate it back up? It just, it'll
deflate in like a day.
And you had nightmares about
losing it? So it's not a ball?
Someone playing with it outside.
I didn't want it to get dirty.
So you wouldn't play with it outside?
Nope. Did you have access to another football?
I mean, this was back in the day like a $90, $100 football.
Oh, I didn't know.
Football's a special.
Oh, it was like a souvenir.
The NFL ones are.
This was like an authentic.
This is what they played with.
Oh, I didn't know.
And why are you saving it?
Because I used to play with this thing.
That's like something that you save if you're like
Tom Brady
or Patrick Holmes and it ends up in the Hall of Fame.
I get it
but it defeats
the purpose if you weren't trying to preserve it
if you were throwing it against the ceiling.
I mean, not
intentionally. I was throwing it very close to the ceiling
and then catching it. Could it ever hit the
ceiling? Plenty of times.
My bedroom was scuffed with football marks.
Okay, I like it.
All right, good ball.
I like that.
Beautiful.
I think that might be the best ball.
When we create a Stephen Shea music, Kate's just saying that.
When we create a, it's just objectively not true.
We had the fucking Harry Potter ball.
We had a J.B. Smoove tennis ball.
I like that.
That one is the only ball with heart.
I hit a half-court shot
to get a Dick Vitale sign.
He's got cancer right
now and he's getting mocked by
Che on the... I didn't know he had cancer
again. He has
he's literally announced seven different
times.
I like the ball Che. That will go into
the Che museum when you like
assassinate someone or something that's fine i hope it does
che do you want to go long with that ball yeah that ball it's it's not really throwable it's
like a can we pump it back up just so we can feel like some young Stephen Che again?
All right.
I'll find a needle.
Okay.
Love it.
Where's he going to find a needle?
In his bag.
Have you guys met those people that save their childhood blankets and they're like an inch?
Yeah, I don't.
Maybe. I never got them.
You?
Blue. Do you have it? Well, my mom saved it my mom saved it my sister that's down to nothing yeah they're down they like lose scrapbook material
yeah you're about to make fun of me no no one's ever done that for me so it's my sister has a
pillow from when she was two years old huh goes everywhere she goes i guess it is something people
do yeah i don't have anything. I don't either.
It's very sentimental.
Whenever I move out of apartments too,
I throw away 90% of my shit.
I feel like I'm committing a crime.
Yeah.
I throw away nice things.
Sealed batteries.
I flush those.
Detergents.
Yeah.
Just things that I would buy
as soon as I get to the new place.
I don't want anything in my house
that's been in my previous two places.
Yucky.
I don't want anything to be a three-place item.
Do you guys ever leave clothes intentionally when you're on a trip?
At the hotels.
Oh, yeah.
Or I overpack, and then when I'm packing back up,
maybe if I bought something or have something,
I'll just be like, well, I'm just not going to wear this shirt again.
I just leave it. It's like giving giving yeah yeah i've left shoes oh yeah oh
yeah shoes for sure you get them dirty and just like fuck it yeah it's time on the road all right
so what are we doing tj draft king's best ball draft all right let's do it four people are going to run the gauntlet the best two times get
to lock any player they want at any time they want nope first round oh wow we should make it better
than that should be last round last jack jack what do you mean last how do you lock a player
to where they can't nobody else can draft them yeah oh change. Also, the draft order we made yesterday doesn't...
You can't make a draft order.
Jack told me that after the show.
Oh, great.
So we did that for nothing.
It randomly starts as soon as you join the draft.
Got it.
I was in a draft yesterday,
and I was in a VIP draft that was just all dudes
that their entire living is playing fantasy
sports. Shit. And so I
play high stakes. Yeah. And they they were just
so pumped I was there because I just had the worst
draft. I was
just free money. Yeah.
What
do we want to switch the last is that too diabolical.
I mean that gives that person
a massive advantage right because they got second
round. How about if someone breaks a certain time?
I think
it's just going to be tough to go in and
customize
the app
Do we know the draft order though?
No one can pick them
Let's say second round
Second round pick, that's good value
Lock a second
So Christian McCaffrey is going to go in That person gets two first round picks Second round. Second round. Second round pick. That's good value. Lock a second. You get...
So Christian McCaffrey's going to go in this one.
That person gets two first round picks.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's fair.
Cool.
All right, so what we're willing to see,
the four people that get a chance to do this.
And then two of the people, the two best times.
Is Kate involved in this?
Probably not.
Gauntlet?
Not a woman thing.
I could try.
No, if you take a spot and then...
Yeah.
You can name a champion for you.
What about it's not a typical gauntlet?
Oh, that's fair.
You have three minutes and 30 seconds to do it.
A countdown clock gauntlet.
So you have to finish.
And once that clock's out, it's over.
You're done.
You don't get it.
But what if nobody qualifies in that scenario?
Tough titty.
Tough titty.
Tough titty.
Tough titty.
I'm a tough titty.
Wait, but what if you finish it in like two and a half minutes, you restart it?
See how far you can get back through?
No.
Oh, that's kind of cool.
How far you can go in the gauntlet in three and a half minutes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Three and a half minutes.
If you get your sporkle you run out cornhole yeah
you do cornhole let's keep doing it oh i love this yeah yeah who can get the fuck yeah yeah
you can go you just restart it this is cool okay all right yeah kate you can you can if you get
on the wheel you get a champion oh yeah and someone can potentially do it twice that would
be the that would be insane oh my god yeah okay all right tj so four of us get a chance i like this
it's been a while since like a massive amount of us have done it
first one who's up first? Yep. Okay.
B.
You think you're going to get back to the final?
No. I think you might.
I think you might.
Not with Jake.
So, a 3.30 countdown?
Yeah.
As far as you can get through the gauntlet into the next one.
Now?
No, pick all four.
So we know who you're competing against.
Zah!
By the way, everyone should tune in to Jerry After Dark
because we're all going to be there.
Dingers.
Nick.
There you go.
Has the field dimensions changed?
I don't think so.
What time?
Is it going to...
Okay.
All right.
Is it going to a thunderstorm again?
I don't think so.
Do I have to pick one of you guys? Yeah.
Shoot.
No.
You can pick anyone in the office.
Maybe pick the person who has the best gauntlet time.
I want Megan making money.
You want a woman.
You want a woman to defeat other men.
To destroy you guys.
She has the best time, right?
She certainly has a top three time.
Doesn't she have a good time?
Women.
Have we let her do it?
She just seems to always be having a good time.
It doesn't sound like us.
We have let her do it.
All right.
KB, go up.
I was nervous.
And text her.
I think he needs my help.
Where's Malasek
I also have to be here
Malasek
oh my god Jerry just found a Dave
holy shit
oh the 7-11 Dave
wait that was Jerry that personally
witnessed this guy
it's one of the craziest pictures I've ever seen
someone said it looks like a Dave and Hank combined
Yeah
When would she have to be down here soon?
Yeah
Look at that
That's crazy
That's a good one
So good
Oh man
Alright, ready?
Holy shit
Where's KB?
People are going to judge our drafts big time.
Yeah, people, fantasy hardos.
I also want to make a rule.
I think we should go speed run the draft.
Yeah.
I think that if you ever get to 15 seconds, you should be.
Don't get cute.
I agree.
I agree.
How's Doug's been?
Awful. Yep agree. I agree. How's Doug's been? Awful.
Yep.
God damn it.
One in five?
One in four.
Oh.
The Stanford loss really is going to,
I didn't sleep well last night thinking about that.
You had the final play of the game to win it and got stuffed, correct?
Stanford loss, I was up with a minute left.
I could have run out the clock, but I was being a showman.
Tried to win it, tried to score more points.
They scored and won it over.
Because two and three would be a lot better.
Listen, it's a new game.
I'm an Xbox guy.
I was playing on PlayStation.
I have three kids, not to blame the second and third,
but original Doug's only had one kid.
Yeah.
I will get better tomorrow night.
I forgot how much it
mentally
fucks me. How frustrating it can be dude.
Yeah. And just having to do it
in front of people and like
have everyone be like dude X was open
and I'm just like fuck yeah. And I'm bad.
As long as you as long as you don't think you're good, you're fine.
But Hank and Max were trying to pump me up
and be like, dude, it's good.
It's good for the storyline.
But the problem is I don't know if I'll ever get good.
That's bad for the storyline.
I heard the game's pretty hard.
You will. You'll get better.
You worked Sass yesterday?
Worked him.
Bad is good early. But if I never get good, then it's just bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm nervous that I might never get good.
Are you one and four right now?
Yeah.
Is that the?
I had one game I lost on a two-point conversion, and one game I actually had one, and I was
trying to be a showman.
And I threw a pick with a minute left and I threw a pick with a minute left
when I was up seven with a minute left two and three you go to the next game optimistic correct
even if I won that last game I'd be in Oregon because they were fourth ranked team and I lost
to him on a two-point conversion I would have been great this is already a lost season no if I
flew out what's the schedule looking like it gets easier that was the toughest part of my
schedule i should i should have put a cupcake in the schedule you're not the head coach though
i'm the oc my defense sucks yeah my defense sucks yeah i also have a guy andre dollar who scored
every touchdown he's a he's a tight end and he's a real guy yeah he was tweeting me he dm'd me last
night andre also his name his name is Andre Dollar. He's a white guy.
Oh, wow.
Crazy.
Crazy.
That's stunning.
Yeah, isn't it?
And we're going to have to make an NIL shirt for him.
All right, let's go.
Yeah, that's him.
Oh, whoa.
Andre Dollar.
Didn't see that.
Didn't see that coming.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Ready? But, yeah, tomorrow night I'm going to go back. I'm going to try to finish. didn't see that yeah oh yeah alright ready
but yeah tomorrow night
I'm gonna go back
I'm gonna try to finish
I'm gonna try to do the whole season
just rip the band-aid off
see where I land
and then maybe take another job
I won't
I probably won't be offered
another job
I might get fired
what happens if you
like get fired
in the game
is it game over
you get a game over
I don't know
that would be funny
yeah sorry man
you get fired
no one wants to hire you yeah uninstall the game you're so bad you gotta You get a game over? I don't know. If you fire, no one wants to hire you.
You're so bad. You gotta wait out a year.
Because I play it differently. I understand
a lot of people playing at home
they love doing the recruiting, which is fun.
But I'm...
Doug's is about Doug's.
Right. He just wants the next job.
It's climbing
the ladder. Correct.
Correct.
So yeah, maybe I'm washed washed all right let's do it kyle wearing a nice ribbed knit loose and flowy for the gauntlet
ready here we go. Three, two, one, go.
Oh, no.
Mm-mm.
That's like a three.
Bad spell.
Oh!
Is that bad?
Nothing but hole.
Oh.
His momentum took him a little too far there.
Oh, he knows what to do.
Mm-hmm.
Oh. Uh-oh.
That's a lambda TV.
Oh!
Hot stuff.
Chill.
A little wind-up there.
Dial that one from the wind-up.
Oh.
That's a sassy wind-up.
Oh, very high.
There you go.
No, keep the cornhole bag there.
Keep it there because he's got to go again.
It's fine if we get hurt.
Oh, my God.
One of us gets hurt.
Yeah.
He's having a great time right now.
Great time.
Oh, he hooked it.
Oh, he's becoming a dickhead.
He's getting funny with it.
Oh.
Has he been putting in work?
He has to.
He kind of looks like-
He tried to walk that second one off.
Jumper looks good.
All right, here we go.
A minute 57.
Glass.
Ten movies featuring Chris Farley.
Uh,
Vanderpump rules.
Okay.
Piggly wiggly.
Hawaii. Hawaii.
Alaska.
Arizona. New Mexico, Nevada.
Babe Ruth's first name.
You know this.
Herman.
Middle name. Irvin.
E-A-R for magic.
Yogi.
Pokey Reese.
I forget his first name.
Tiger?
What's his name?
Isn't Tiger?
Penny Hardaway.
Luigi.
Chris Farley movies.
Flavors of Dr. Brown's soda.
Licorice.
Oh, common bachelorette.
Miami. Oh, no, TJ.
Las Vegas.
Licorice.
Nashville.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Bags, bags.
Go bags.
Come on, KB.
Scrambling.
Oh, he's panicked.
30 seconds.
How much?
30.
30.
25.
Very different feel this time.
Oh, no.
Oh, man. Man.
Find the hole.
15 seconds, KB.
This would be bad.
Yeah, because he would just end on Sporkle.
Yep.
Oh, my God.
You got to get one.
You got to get one.
After such a good time.
Three, two, one.
Oh, no.
Ended on Sporkle.
Oh, my God.
Damn.
Damn, KB.
George.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
George Herman.
Calvin.
Calvin Reese.
You know, there's like a theory that Babe Ruth was Dominican.
Yeah. I've seen Ruth was Dominican? Yeah.
I've seen the black theory.
Yeah.
I like it.
Do you still believe in it?
I do.
I'm in my enlightened phase where I believe in everything.
Yep.
And nothing.
I've been jerry-pilled.
Yep.
All right, Zot, you're up.
There he is.
Regarding the Pat Bev news, Tyler Miller is going to have to move to Israel
yeah Tyler
he's excited
what a shock for him
that's a big life change
I'm thinking yeah
I'm thinking yeah
hey man
you gotta move to Israel
he's gonna love it he's gonna love it yeah. You gotta move to Israel.
He's gonna love it.
He's gonna love it.
Can we see some photos of Tel Aviv?
I think it's gorgeous.
So fun. The club scene is crazy.
Nightlife is crazy.
It's on the beach. Oh yeah.
And doesn't it have perfect weather all year like California?
Yeah, better than any American city.
Hot ladies.
But how close is it to the Gaza Strip?
It's south of the Gaza Strip.
I think it's north of the Gaza Strip.
North of the Gaza Strip.
Look at that.
Look at those shirts.
Those shirts are short.
He's going to love it.
Seems nice.
Palm trees?
It's like Chicago where you have the beach right next to the city.
He should dominate, right?
Oh, yes.
I've heard stories of...
That would be cool.
Wait, you're talking about Pat dominating.
You were thinking about Tyler dominating.
No, Tyler.
Getting women?
What are you talking about?
Pat playing basketball.
Dominating pussy for Tyler.
They're both going to dominate.
He's already been.
I feel like it makes sense for Pat because he's been overseas before he played in russia
didn't he play for your he might have you want to dunk content might have yeah
all right ready za he was the mvp who's the mvp is mvp okay ready three two one go Okay. Ready? Three, two, one, go.
So Kyle got to Sporkle.
He finished Sporkle.
So no, I got to.
No, that doesn't. I got to Cornhole.
No, because if I beat the Cornhole, I would have got to soccer.
He's Sporkle plus.
No, there's no.
No, I got to Cornhole.
If someone finishes Cornhole, if someone finishes Sporkle with a second left, they're at the same spot as me.
Exact same spot.
Sporkle Plus sounds good.
I know, but we made it to Cornhole.
Yeah, you finished Sporkle.
Yeah, that's making it to Cornhole.
If I would have got to Cornhole, I would have made it to soccer.
But someone could finish Sporkle and not take a Cornhole shot.
They would be in the same spot.
Yeah, but they made it to Cornhole as well. Yeah. They finished Sporkle and not take a cornhole shot. They would be in the same team. Yeah, but they made it to cornhole as well.
Yeah.
They finished Sporkle.
They finished Sporkle.
Made it to cornhole.
So many times we could say this back and forth.
You sound like a guy who just finished Sporkle.
When did, uh, when's the last time Zod did this?
I feel like it's been a while.
He's struggling.
It's been a minute.
Oh, man.
Oh, no. Zod, so you are fucking crowdering board
how
How's uh?
I got three minutes four seconds on June 7th. Oh
June he did it does three minutes and four seconds. He got once? Yes. Wow. God damn it.
That board is messy.
There's no way.
I think you might want to take him off. How?
Yeah, take him off.
Take him off.
This is atrocious.
Yeah, that's hurting him at this point.
Oh.
Oh.
Zah made it to cornhole
He made it to cornhole, I don't know how this is happening he's in that hole Closer and closer. He's inching closer. This is insane, though.
Oh, no, Zah.
This is like a thousand shots.
He's racking pull.
We're over two minutes.
He really is.
How did that knock?
I'd love to have him as a teammate.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Oh.
Ah, ah, ah.
Hey. Here we go, Zah. Oh! Uh-uh-uh. Hey!
Here we go, Za.
That's a good shot.
Get him!
Get him!
Oh, no.
Oh, get him, get him! Oh, no. Oh, cheeky.
Oh, no!
Oh!
Come on, Za.
Here it is, Za. Nice.
37 seconds, Za.
It's our home run derby second place finisher.
Who won that?
Bad guy.
Very bad guy.
What is that?
Is that a mouth?
Is a mouth doing that? A mouth.
His guaranteed hit.
I remember now.
Ten seconds.
It's coming back to me.
All right.
All right, so Zah finished Home Run Derby.
Finished Riffle Ball.
Yeah.
Right, KB?
He made it to football.
Don't want gonna lose it alright Nicky
I'm gonna bite someone
that was an all time threat
I will bite someone
I know
I kinda wanted to do it.
Don't you feel silly now?
Got about 50 likes.
You can bite my shoulder.
No.
I let my boy do that when he gets antsy.
Let him just gnaw on the shoulder.
Okay. he's doing this in clogs
clogs and socks
has anyone done it in heels yet was megan wearing heels no oh
oh the girls still wear heels
Like for a night out
Real girls I think
I mean no
No no no
Yikes
I meant like girly girls like I don't
But like real girly girls
Way more casual now
Yeah things are a lot more casual
But I think yes sometimes heels are still
Oh What is Spider doing? Casual now. Yeah, things are a lot more casual. But I think, yes, sometimes heels are still...
Oh, what is Spider doing?
What the fuck is going on here?
Large knife.
That's very Insane Clown Posse-esque.
All right.
All right, ready?
Three, two, one, go.
Oh, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky Nicky Nicky Nicky Nicky Nicky
So Nick has to complete home run
Yep
Oh this is a nice
Strategy
Oh
Oh
Oh no Oh no Oh. Oh, I don't think he... Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Now, all sex is going dick mode.
Nick does have the Birkenstock.
There he is.
Oh!
Yeah, those are not gauntlet shoes.
He was worried about kicking him there.
He has a unique...
He just keeps looking at the bat.
Yeah! Yeah!
Wow, crush that.
Nick and Zah both completed.
Where did he go?
Riffle ball to completion So KB, you're going to get
You're going to most likely get Christian McCaffrey
Whenever you want
I feel like he has to have a down year
Not down down
He just got married.
You know, women take those legs away.
Yeah.
That's what they say.
Four.
Well, this helped because you get married, you stop having sex.
So you won't be fatigued.
Did he show any weakness last season?
He won't be fatigued.
No.
He was a god.
Oh, the quiet ball.
So Zah's been eliminated, huh?
Yes.
Yeah.
Come on, Nicky.
You got a minute 30 Here we go Oh shit
Minute 20
Alright
10 Canadian provinces
Ottawa
There you go
British Columbia
Castaway 10 Canadian provinces. Ottawa. There you go. British Columbia.
Castaway.
Seven states with two MLB teams. That's easy.
Quebec.
Just two.
Seven states with two MLB teams, yeah.
New York.
Kel Mitchell Oh
Rip the fast food restaurants
Bottom left
Kenan Thompson
Yeah yeah
Good call
Bynes
Oh wow
You've Got Mail
Forrest Gump
Shit he can beat me
come on Nick
do the bacon
KFC
McDonald's
go go go
20 seconds
get one
15 seconds
12
11
9 8 7 6 15 seconds. 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Oh, man.
So Nick also completed Sporkle.
Yeah.
Actually, Nick did make it to Cornhole. Yeah. Kyle completed Sporkle. Yeah. I made it to Cornhole. Actually, Nick did make it to Cornhole.
Yeah.
Kyle completed Sporkle.
Completed Sporkle.
I didn't know he was running with that.
Bad kicking shoes.
Where's Megan?
Megan!
Let's go, Megan.
You're up.
I tried to do the Doug Winoit trick, and I couldn't even kick it straight.
What was his trick?
He kicked it real slow as I was rolling.
So, Megan, if you complete the whole thing, it's three minutes and 30 seconds.
If you complete the whole thing, you go right back to cornhole.
So you just start it over again.
Okay.
You got this.
Wait, what did you say?
You want to play for your job?
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Hey, that's always on the team.
Can anybody do that at any point? Anytime. Oh, did uh 500 bucks but what that is awesome but what is it you'd have to be the jeff deloat
standard so be whatever you if you finish worse than jeff i might do it every day so yeah so if
i decided to do it what would my time have to be? Under nine and a half minutes.
That seems to be a gimme.
It has to be adjusted to your...
We may have to adjust it.
I'd have to adjust it.
Didn't Tate bet his salary today?
I don't know if Dave accepted, but it's such an awesome move.
Genius move.
What was the move?
He said that if Ohio State beats Michigan, he gets double the salary next year.
And if Michigan beats Ohio State, he'll work for free.
Wow.
You think that's a genius?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
Michigan's going to be underdog, so he could easily hedge it as well.
That's right.
Oh, wow.
He could bet $20,000 on Michigan and probably, I don't know what.
It puts David in a tough spot.
So what's David?
Did he answer?
He has to accept, but he also can't accept.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's go, Megan.
All right.
This is for Kate.
Here we go.
Three, two, one, go.
Come on, Megan.
All right.
Uh-uh. On Megan. Alright. You're doing better than I would.
Yeah!
Oh, nice.
She has a boot.
Oh!
Come on now.
She's moving fast.
No hoping over Sporkle Kate.
Close.
Close.
Yes! Double to her. I'm pissed. Close. Yes.
Double to her.
I'm pissed.
Yep.
Oh, close.
She's moving at like 2x speed.
Yep.
She's got to run out of gas, right?
Right?
Nope.
She said shooting's her issue.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe we should let Kate help with Sporkle.
She'll give.
Yeah.
The worst answer.
Kate won Sporkle once, Kyle.
Oh, that's true.
Kate did win it.
Oh, yeah. Kyle, you still have to get her groceries. I know. Because Kate won sport pool once, Kyle. Oh, that's true. Kate did win it. Oh, yeah.
Kyle, you still have to get her groceries.
I'm just waiting for the text.
Our family has been starving.
Just text me at any moment.
Or DM.
Yes!
Or DM.
That's weird.
Yeah, that was weird.
Okay.
Gee, she's going to beat us.
Yeah, she's good.
Oh, my God.
Hell yes. Go, Megan! Why is she doing that? she's good. Oh, my God. Hell yes.
Why is she doing that?
It's working.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
You have two and a half minutes.
Can I sparkle with her?
No.
No.
Okay.
All right.
Eight NBA teams use yellow as a team.
All right.
12 types of salt.
Beamer along his bone in the body.
Yes.
Oh, that's your shot.
No.
NBA teams use yellow.
Who's lying in Izzyway?
You got Drew Carey, Wayne Brady.
C-A-R-E-Y.
C-A-R-E-Y.
Six states in New England.
Just states up in New England.
Catch your breath.
Megan, you know NBA teams.
Catch your breath.
It's colored up.
Karina Williams.
Yellow.
Anna Kornikovic. You know yellow. It's colored up. Karina Williams. Yellow. Anna Kournikova.
You know yellow NBA teams.
Kournikova, she said.
Yeah, teach.
Spell that out.
States in New England.
No, no, no.
You don't want to start there.
Megan, you know NBA teams with yellow color.
Yellow color.
Think outside the box.
Yellow color.
Jazz.
Has yellow in it?
Yep.
You know these.
The Bucks.
Do they have any yellow?
No.
I thought they maybe had a little touch of it.
Pelicans.
Can't breathe.
States in New England.
No.
She does not know states.
That's a trick question.
Oh, salt and kitchen.
Garlic salt.
I saw garlic salt. She's saying that she does not know. Regular salt not know states. That's a trick question. Oh, salt in the kitchen. Garlic salt. I saw garlic salt.
She's saying that.
She does not know.
Regular salt.
Sea salt.
Corsi salt.
Pink Himalayan salt.
None of these.
Garlic salt is one.
Yeah, garlic salt.
States in New England.
How many more do I need?
One, two, three, four.
Five.
Five winners of the first season.
Kelly Clarkson.
Just the Northeast.
There's states up there.
There's a whole bunch of them.
They're cold.
Morris teams with yellow.
Okay, let me think.
You got this.
Calm down and think.
Take your time.
Take your time.
Warriors.
Yes.
First 13 states on the field.
Yes.
I don't know states of New England.
Yeah.
Compromising New England?
I have no idea. Is it New Jersey? Yes. I don't know states of New England. Yeah. Compromising New England? I have no idea.
Is it New Jersey?
Yes.
Yeah?
New Jersey?
No.
No?
No.
Hey.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. It has to be there. No. No? Oh, that felt so good. How is it not there?
That's all I got.
Four, three, two, one.
Sorry.
That was one of the fastest times.
I was able to get the basketball.
Super impressive.
That was amazing.
Wait, Lakers are not on there?
Oh, because it's gold?
That's fucked.
Lakers are fucked. Lakers are fucked.
Lakers are yoked.
That's so fucked.
Also, I wanted her to say New York, also not on there.
And Pennsylvania, also not on there.
But you thought New Jersey was.
I thought New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York.
I was like, I would have fucked her.
I'm sorry, Kate.
Are you kidding?
You nailed it.
I did the best I could to be your champion.
No, that was great.
I'm glad I did not play for my job.
You had the fastest initial time getting through it.
Yeah.
Thank you, man.
All right, so Nick and KB.
Yeah.
What do we do?
We can lock it in?
You can lock in.
I would have said Delaware.
Yeah, who do you want?
I don't want McCaffrey.
What?
Trying on my gambling, man.
I can get McCaffrey in the second round.
How are we doing this, TJ?
Are we doing this on our phones?
Is that who you want?
Yes.
Okay, good.
Because I was going to say it's going to be a mess if we don't.
We also, I don't know if everyone was sitting here.
We need to have a rule that you have to, I want to do speed rounds.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's 32nd clock, but if anyone uses their full clock, they should be,
they should have to take Darren Waller.
I like that.
The Darren Waller. Yeah, that. The Darren Waller.
He has Darren Waller rules.
I don't want that pig on my team.
Also, it's PPR, which I've been informed of.
I don't know what that means.
It's on the prep sheet, too.
It's on the prep sheet, guys.
All right, so you have McCaffrey in the second round,
so no one take Christian McCaffrey
nope I do
oh fuck
should I pick somebody else
no you just took Christian McCaffrey
so wait I don't get a locked in pick
you get a locked in
it's a catastrophe
that might be the best nope I do of all time
it's yours
you have to take him in the first round though
that's fair Tyreek Hill nope I do It was yours. You have to take him in the first round, though.
That's fair.
Tyree kill.
Nope, I do.
So what are we doing?
Name a player?
No, I don't have one. Wait, no, that might be fuck me.
Yeah.
Damn it.
Wait, what pick do you have?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah, it's random.
So you might have to take Tyree kill first overall.
Oh, no.
Wait, what?
What's happening?
Me and Kyle lost our picks.
Just to know.
So I lost.
I locked in.
I might have fucked myself.
Do we have to lock in somebody else in the second round?
Yeah, you get someone else in the second round.
So wait, that's four locked in now?
You have to take him in the second.
It was a well-played move, I do.
You have to admit, Brent.
Here's what.
You just take...
Tidyskits, Christian McCaffrey in the second round.
Go ahead.
You can have Tyreek Hill in the second round.
Wait.
No, no, no.
Wait.
No.
You get Tyreek Hill in the first round.
All right.
So Titus gets Christian McCaffrey in the first round.
Yeah.
Okay.
But a no-buy deal would be...
I'll take...
You know what?
That's a fair compromise.
I'll take Christian McCaffrey in the first round.
I'm good with that.
I just...
It was a great no-buy deal, and I just had to do it as well. Yeah. Because I saw it, and I was like, holy shit. I went in. that. I just, it was a great note by you
and I just had to do it as well.
Yeah.
Because I saw it
and I was like,
holy shit.
I went in, yeah.
Yeah.
But I fucked myself
because I could have the first pick
and I'd have to take Tyreek Hill.
That would be a good first pick.
No, it wouldn't.
It depends on where you are.
We just got to hope
Titus is the first overall pick.
Yeah.
And then everything's right in the world.
All right,
so what are your guys' saves? So I else uh cd all right um they're just
taking all the good picks what's happening you guys can nope i do
nah i won't i don't know what's going on so i get to lock in a second just got first pick
first pick wait where's Players are getting taken.
Where are we supposed to be? What's happening?
They're supposed to give us a link. They haven't given us yet.
Do the DraftKings ad read.
You've had the link.
Where is it?
Go do the read.
So Monroth, St. Brown,
Chris McCaffrey, Tyree Kill,
and CeeDee Lamb cannot be taken.
Other than that, straightforward.
It's finally here.
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only on DraftKings. I don't have a link.
I'm not looking at it. Where is it?
I got mine from Jack. What?
Where?
In the DraftKings app?
Uh-oh. Alright, we're about to start,
Brandon. Well, hold on.
Oh, no, he's going to take Christopher Caffrey.
Brandon, no.
Wait, wait.
I got to pick now?
Yeah, you got to take Jamar.
Oh, shit.
Where's my contest?
Where is it?
Where's?
Oh, no, this is a disaster.
I have no idea.
Nobody put me on the clock.
No, it starts in 10 seconds.
What?
Where is it?
Where's my contest? It didn't start yet. Where's my contest? Somebody put me on the clock. No, it starts in 10 seconds. What? Where is it?
Oh, it didn't start yet.
It didn't start yet.
Where's my contest?
All right, everybody.
No results found.
Where the hell are we? You got 30 seconds starting now.
I don't know where my contest is.
I do.
Do you want me to send you the link?
Is the link working for you, KB?
Yes.
How did y'all get the link?
He's going to take Chris McCaffrey.
You put it in the app? Yeah, put it in the app. He's going to take Chris McCaffrey. Where's the link working for you, Jamie? Yes. How did y'all get the link? He's going to take Christian McCaffrey.
Put it in the app?
Yeah, put it in the app. He's going to take Christian McCaffrey.
Where's the link?
Oh, wow, Brandon.
What?
You dickhead.
What?
God damn it, what?
Where's the link?
Give me Jamar Chase.
You didn't text me anything.
It's in the app chat.
The link is in the chat.
Brandon gets Jamar Chase.
That's awesome.
No, I want CeeDee Lamb.
I got CeeDee Lamb. I got CeeDee Lamb.
That's not fair.
McCaffrey.
McCaffrey was my guy.
Who took McCaffrey?
You did.
I did not.
I said it out loud.
That's fucked up.
I said it out loud.
I wanted Jamar Chase.
Oh, my God.
But you didn't earn it.
You just said, I don't know if I do.
Who's up?
What's going on?
That link doesn't work, Kyle.
Kyle, you're on.
It's your pick, Kyle.
The link doesn't work?
Kyle, your pick. Try my link. All right.'t work, Kyle. Kyle, you're on. It's your pick, Kyle. The link doesn't work? Kyle, your pick.
Try my link.
All right, good work, Jack.
Wait, who's off the –
So who's number two?
So I get Amon Ross second.
Jack McCrory.
Yeah, but you didn't pick him.
All right.
No, you just took CeeDee Lamb.
I didn't touch anything.
No.
I didn't even touch anything.
All right, who's up third?
No, wait, don't stick anything yet.
TJ's up. TJ, you're up TJ's up We gotta do a hard reset
TJ your pick
The link's not working
Bijan
No one better touch Tyreek
I'm taking Tyreek but I lost my guy
What
I'm gonna take
I'm gonna take Justin Jefferson
You gotta do it on the app though
I don't know where to go
The link's not working
And the touch sensitivity is crazy
Okay
Kate you're up
I want Patrick Mahomes
Oh nice I got Tyreek Hill
I just picked
Fine
No no no It's fine.
I don't want Tyreek Hill.
Wait.
Now I can't do anything.
Take Chase.
I'll trade you.
I don't want Chase. I can't press.
How am I not be able to press the button?
But I have McCaffrey.
Nick's up.
I'm trying to.
I'm up.
If it's not your turn.
Oh, Nick.
Nick, you can get Tyreek Hill.
No, I'm an honorable man.
No, I don't.
Damn it.
I'm in.
Who'd you take?
Mark Chase.
So can I take Tyreek Hill?
No, I just took him.
It was my regular pick.
Oh.
So wait, the gauntlet was for absolutely nothing.
Right.
Yep.
Pick another player.
It seems that way.
Pick another player.
I'll figure that out in the second round.
AJ Brown.
Okay.
So who's picking Mark okay i'm up yeah uh
yeah the gauntlet was for nothing do you guys want to pick a quarterback that you each can take
oh no they're sure you took
why don't you pick tight end and we'll say 10th round i'm taking breeze hall it's fine it's fine
it's fine and i'm also taking jameer Gibbs. I had fun doing the gauntlet.
Okay.
It was just good to do things together, you know?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So we got to say out loud who you're picking.
I took Garrett Wilson and Marvin Harrison Jr.
Any reason?
O-H.
Oh, am I up?
I'm up.
Oh.
Amon Ra has not been taken, right?
That's mine.
So we're honoring that one.
Yeah. Yeah.
I got screwed in the first round with Jamar Chase.
All right, I took Puka.
No, you didn't get...
Who did I get?
CeeDee Lamb?
You got CeeDee Lamb.
Oh, yeah, I got fucked.
What does ADP mean?
Wait, so I couldn't
took Amon Ra?
Draft position?
Oh.
I took Jonathan Taylor.
Thomas?
Yeah.
Amon Ra's still there.
It's mine.
It's mine. Kyle. It's his.
Who's up?
Me.
Yeah, go.
Saquon.
Oh, you were so close.
I would have taken Darren Waller.
That would have been awful.
D. Henry for me.
Yeah, take him.
Nice.
He took Waller. What does that mean? I'm going to take Drake London. Henry for me. Yeah. Take him. Nice. Take Wolves.
Yeah.
What does that mean?
I'm going to take Drake London.
This is all fun and games.
I'm on Raj.
Just sitting there.
Cake up the fucking impractical Joker is making her pit.
Give me Kelsey.
Nice.
Oh,
Trev.
Aren't the people at the top of the list the best?
Yeah, that's why Amon Ra is still sitting there for Kyle.
Did you get him?
Yes, I scored him.
Nice.
Nice.
That's huge, dude.
You might get hurt.
All right.
I took Laporta.
A little run on tight ends.
And Josh Allen.
Oh, yes, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Nico Collins.
Nice.
Good pick.
What if there's a little red Q next to their name?
Questionable.
Questionable.
Yeah, they'll be okay.
I'm taking Pacheco.
Give me a look.
Yeah.
There he is.
From?
Finland.
Finland. Finland. Yeah, there he is. From? Vinland. Vinland.
I'm going to take Etienne.
Oh, is he actually?
Nice.
Or Vineland?
I'm taking Mr. Diggs.
S. Diggs.
Oh my God, my website froze.
Nick.
Am I up?
Yeah.
Something went wrong.
Darren Waller. Oh went wrong Darren Waller
Darren Waller
you have 17 seconds
you're good you have 12 seconds
come on don't panic
I'm not panicking
you have 6 seconds
nice
fuck I wanted to
oh shit sorry
Mike Evans.
Big A chain.
There's the big board right there.
Good pick.
Future Hall of Famer.
Let's take a time out and take a look at where we stand.
Good work, boys.
Good work.
Oh, my turn?
CJ Stroud.
There you go.
All Buckeyes.
I'll take Devante Adams, and I'll also take Jalen Wardle.
Would you have taken Mike Evans over Devante Adams?
I would have.
Yes.
That's all I wanted to know.
Okay. Mark, you're up again let me see
JK Dobbins
can he pull this off
Jalen Hurts
oh I'm up
take a little more do we want to do a punishment for last for this or this off. Jalen Hurts. Oh, I'm up. Take Lamar.
Do we want to do a punishment
for last for this?
Drive to Super Bowl?
With Frank?
We're going to announce the punishment halfway through the draft.
I'm going to get last.
What the fuck?
I didn't say to ask a question.
We just announced the stakes. Why didn't say to ask the question. Oh, I'm up.
We just announced.
Kyron Williams.
The stakes.
Why did you not?
Are you not taking this seriously?
All right.
Is it?
You actually have a good team besides J.K. Dobbins pick.
Does filling out the positions matter?
Josh Jacobs.
Yes, but not.
No, not really.
Because it's your best player.
So you obviously have to end up with it.
But you're going to have overflow.
Most rosters consist of two to three quarterbacks,
two to three tight ends,
and the rest like wide receivers and running backs.
All right, who's up?
Me.
What was the buy-in for this league?
Five grand?
Five grand.
Is it me? Yeah, I don't know.
Five grand.
So everyone's going to have to...
Can I get an advance?
Let's see.
Yeah.
If you trade me.
Ayuk.
Brandon.
Debo.
Brandon.
DK. Oh, Ole Miss. Deebo Brandon DK Oh
Ole Miss
Whose neighbors
Malik
Malik neighbors
Rookie or rookie
I'll take a chance on him
Love it
Love it
I'll take Cooper Cup
No
I really liked his name
James Cook
I guess I'll go with T. McBrad
The cut of his jib
Nikki
Devonta Smith
No
I wanted that eagle
Jay Moore
We're cruising
Yeah
Yeah
Let's keep cruising Now do i just circle back around back
to quarterback again uh yeah do whatever you want mook okay we're cruising i'm sorry i stopped
paying attention uh darren waller
oh just barely got to say now i was thinking about how if I got last place,
I would have to drive immediately back to Chicago
because I'm not invited to the show.
What's going to do now?
Good point, good point.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I'll take a Buckeye.
I'm taking Joe Burrow.
Damn it.
Love it.
Not a Buckeye.
Buckeye.
I'll stay the long.
Not a Buckeye.
OSU alum?
OSU alum.
Rashad White, steal the draft.
Oh, God damn it.
Gross.
Steal the draft. Steal the draft. Steal the draft. Oh, goddammit. Gross. Steal the draft.
Steal the draft.
Steal the draft.
You know what?
I'm staying on the running backs.
Let's go Kenneth Walker III.
The best Baldo format is awesome because you don't have to do anything.
Wait, so can I draft all receivers?
You have to steal the full team, but yeah, you could.
Mostly receivers
Oh it's my turn again
I mean
It was DQ Elliott
You almost have to
Tankto
Nice
I'm up
Mark Andrews.
Tagovala.
Nice.
George Pickens.
Nice.
TJ.
TJ.
Hey, T. Higgins Yeah in his wallet
Did he get a contract?
I think he got franchised
Okay
Short in love I'm looking at the big part I think you got franchised. Okay.
Short in love.
I'm looking at the big part.
It's crazy.
Really clears it up.
Mark Clipper and David Montgomery
Now we're in the weeds
Yeah
It's gonna get ugly
Okay
Mustard
Nothing but the rustling of stickers
I'll take Caleb Williams Somebody just took mustard Nice Mustard. Nothing but the rustling of stickers.
I'll take Caleb Williams.
Somebody just took mustard.
Nice.
Good pick.
Joe Mixon.
Stand for all that, Zal?
Yeah.
Whoa. Wait, what did he do?
What did he do?
Is he a big pause guy?
Not worse.
He's probably opposite of...
Yeah.
He's more of a play.
Chose to be a Swifty.
I'm going to roll as Amir White.
Good pick, man.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Jake Ferguson.
Oh, no, maybe.
Badger.
Terry McLaurin.
I hate that he's on the Cowboys, but I think he's a stud.
We're going Michael Pittman Jr.
Terry McLaurin is not on the Cowboys.
Jake Ferguson.
Oh, Badger.
Is it weird that Mark's team might be pretty good?
Yeah, no, besides J.H. Dobbins' pick, like, pretty good team.
And we're also going Hollywood Brown.
Jackson Smith and Jigba.
Nice.
Is he Najee Harris?
Is he what?
He's a Buckeye?
Yeah.
Yeah, he's a Buckeye.
Jason.
Aaron Jones.
Jaden Reed.
Damn.
Good pick.
Everybody's taking my people.
Good pick.
I've heard of Rasheed Rice.
Let's take him.
Speed freak.
Rasheed Rice.
Kyle Pitts.
How many rounds do we have left?
12.
What?
Well, you can clearly see.
It's 20 rounds.
Oh, 20 rounds.
Okay. Okay.
Who's last in rankings?
Oh, you're
stacking? Are you stacking?
Ooh.
You dirty boy, you stacking?
Brock Bowers.
The boy's stacking.
Kittle hurt?
No.
No?
Kittle.
Kittle.
You got another one.
I sure do.
Mm-hmm.
Trevor Lawrence. Mm-hmm. Trevor Lawrence.
Mm-hmm.
Met him.
Really nice guy.
Yep.
Long hair.
Really nice guy.
KB, you looking at Ladd-McConkie?
Godwin.
Godwin.
Ladd.
TJ?
TJ?
Board's coming together.
Don't I have Olave, though?
I don't know why Olave's above Garrett Wilson and CJ Stroud.
I think the board is just inaccurate.
Tug's got Wilson and Marvin Harrison.
David Njoku.
I'm about to go dare.
That's what she was doing.
Cool.
What is flex like to kickers?
No It's like anything
Okay
It takes care of itself
Okay
I'll go remandre
Good pick
You think so?
I'm blocking
TJ's stack.
With my own stack, Roma Dunzay.
I have Roma Dunzay and DJ Moore now.
How are we like that?
What are y'all stacking?
Jordan Anastasios.
Bears.
The UIs don't bother you?
What?
Oh, it's my turn?
Who took Justin Fields?
No.
He's not on here?
He's got to be a little bit far down.
I'll do Curtis Samuel.
Now my app's broken.
Sweet.
Oh, Trey Sermon, I guess. Trey Sermon.
I'll go with Evan Ingram.
And then I'll also take Kyla Murray.
Wait, Sermon?
Sermon played one year at Ohio State?
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
Yeah, Trey Sermon.
Did you accidentally get him?
No, I'm like starring these guys, but I don't know where they go after I star them.
Yeah.
So I guess I'm putting them on like an auto draft somehow.
They go into your queue, which is the second tab.
I like how he has all the answers.
I don't trust him.
I like that I can understand how to do this, which is exciting for me.
Mark, you're about to.
Where the fuck is Justin Fields?
Taryn Waller.
Uh-oh.
Justin Fields is in the quarterback section.
He's maybe 15.
Have you tried looking at quarterbacks?
Which ones is he?
He's probably pretty far down.
Yep, right there.
Oh, I see now.
ADP 203.
Oh, it's not my pick? No. Oh, I see now. ADP 203. Okay.
Oh, it's not my pick? No.
Oh, it's me. Zach Moss.
Oh, come on. What?
Come on, Nick.
How could you, Nick?
Good pick, Nick.
Oh, it's me. I'm sorry.
That was poor decorum. Why'd you say come on? That was poor decorum.
Blake-corum, that is.
Can we make our leave?
Nice.
I guess she doesn't have to be here for this.
I'm impressed that Kate hasn't gotten close to the Darren Waller clock.
So let's just take a positive here.
So he's just planning her Waller pun right now.
Christian Kirk.
Okay.
All right.
TJ hot.
Took a TJ.
Yup.
Keon Coleman.
Damn it.
Shit.
Love him.
Wanted it.
Xavier Worthy.
Bad.
Wanted it. Xavier Worthy. Bad. Wanted it bad.
And Calvin Ridley.
I got a pick coming up that I am excited about.
Give me no swag on the clock.
Cole Komet. Panic pick. Give me no swag on the clock Fuck Colt Comet
Panic pick
Give me lag
Panic pick
It's a glad
Should have gotten Courtland Sud
Brock Purdy
Alright you know what
Let's lock it in boys
T-lock it that is
Uh T-Locket, that is. Uh.
Hmm.
I'll go Jalen Warren.
Oh, I think I have too many running backs.
Dalton Schultz.
Isaiah Likely.
Uh.
It's my turn fucking A
I'm taking
I don't know how to
how do you draft him off of the queue
go to the queue
bottom
whatever it'll just automatically do it
you can move it to the top
if you want of the queue
whatever I'll just let it ride it. You can move it to the top if you want of the queue.
Whatever.
Whatever. I'll just let it ride.
How do you know how many of each position you need? You go to your
rosters. Oh, shit.
Oh, BN. What's BN?
Bench. We're going Jared Goff.
And I'm going to
stack that with Jameis and Williams.
So I need
another running back?
Let me see.
Oh, yeah.
I guess I don't.
No, I don't.
Titus, you're back up.
Yeah, I give up.
I'm trying to do something else now.
It'll draft for me uh you got fields you got fields oh my god huge huge huge huge big pickup Oh.
We're flying.
Yeah, I heard he's built tough.
Ford tough.
Oh.
Ford.
Give me Deshaun Watson.
Oh, bad boy.
You guys stacked him with Mixon.
And all the baggage.
Give me him and all his baggage.
Give me Gus Edwards.
Brandon.
DeAndre Hopkins and Romeo Dobbs
how many quarterbacks you guys stacking up
Aaron Rodgers
two or three
you can have two
who do you have Mahomes and who?
Mahomes and...
Gimme...
Drake May.
I only see one here.
Oh, Tagliova.
Oh, yeah.
Two of them. Oh, I'mva. Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'm on the clock.
You got 15 seconds for a pun.
Yeah.
Do it.
Come on.
Hold on, let me cook.
There we go.
Oh, nice. Nice.
You took Stafford you fuck
What
What
I wanted him
Bad
I wanted him real bad
Sorry man
Sorry dude
Is y'all manning and duding each other
Yeah
And it's not coming from a good place
When is Nick Chubb gonna be back
Great question.
I mean, the way is...
Could be a great pick.
Could.
That could have been a steal.
Was that the nastiest injury from last year?
From last year, for sure.
Yeah.
How do you see your team?
Roster?
Got it.
Shit. Fuck. Shit.
Fuck.
Bitch.
You're running out of Buckeyes?
There's some really young dudes left.
Going Rashid Shahid.
Yeah, I'm running out.
And then Brian Thomas Jr.
A lot of the young dudes have their logo. Yeah, I'm running out. And then Brian Thomas Jr. A lot of the young dudes have their logo.
Yeah, I want some rookies.
Is it me again?
I don't even know where I'm at.
I'm so far into this app.
Alright, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to touch Austin Eckler.
The odds of Bluntman will kill you but never zero.
Is this still going out live?
People still watching?
I don't know. We'll yak at the end.
Yeah. We pat.
Oh.
Going with cousins,
fuckers.
Adam Thielen.
We have to be almost done.
No.
We've got five rounds left.
Still five rounds.
Six rounds.
Everyone just go speed.
Speed, speed, speed.
Speed, speed.
Get a couple guys you like.
Okay.
Ready to go.
All right.
Got it.
Cool.
Take another wide receiver.
Just took two picks very fast.
Love that, Brandon.
Great job.
I might have a lot of receivers.
Me.
This dude.
Whoever it is.
Who'd you take?
Rookie Vidal.
Okay.
Mm-hmm. Kate it's you oh it's me I'm sorry
I'll be the judge
be the judge of this and take Judy
nice Be the judge of this and take Judy.
Nice.
We're cruising.
Cruising.
Super fast from here on out.
We're cruising.
Let's go, Steven.
Don't be a black hole, Steven.
Josh Downs.
And then we are going Hunter Henry.
Okay.
J.J. McCarthy.
Shit, that wasn't going to be my pick.
Now I'm fucked.
Fucking why?
I don't know.
Because I just... Stacked him with that.
I picked him and I trusted him.
Boomer Bus, Gabe Davis.
That was good.
Damn.
Gotcha.
Boomer bus, boomer do.
Feeling the gravitational pull of Mooney.
You know, you don't have to do a pond.
It's impressive that she still is doing it.
The thing is, they've been landing, so.
Yeah.
Have I?
Have I?
Is that?
Mind of a slave.
Musgrave.
Hmm.
Tight ends.
I feel like I could.
Russell.
Aw. Lightens. I feel like I could. Russell.
Ooh, Jay Woods.
He's going to chop things down this year.
Derek Carr.
Will Shipley.
Derek Carr on tomorrow's part of my tea.
Oh, whoa.
Yeah. Sick. Going Will Leley. Derek Carr on tomorrow's part of my team. Oh, whoa. Yeah.
Sick.
Going Will Levis.
And Geno Smith.
I think I'm out of Buckeyes.
Impossible.
They're all on defense.
That's me.
That's me. Oh, is it picking for me oh sweet
i have seven wide receivers i'm a little shaky on this one i'm going okay i have seven running
backs and six water oh really Oh, really? Yeah.
I think a lot of guys end up with like 10.
Yeah, I have six.
No shit.
Yeah.
Because you can't pick up anyone during the year.
So if someone gets hurt.
Oh.
And also, you're just doing boom or bust.
Boom.
Just like that. Okay.
Oh, I just now figured out how to search for guys.
Fuck.
Really?
Like you can type in the names?
I'm going to let Rudolph guide his team tonight.
Mason Rudolph?
What?
Is he not the quarterback?
No.
Of Tennessee?
No.
What does that mean?
He's the backup.
He ain't got shit. You just did that one for the pun. He's on the He's the backup. He ain't got shit.
You just did that one for the pun.
He's on the top of the list.
I'll never let him.
There's no way he's on the top of the list.
He was the top four.
I went over to quarterback.
He was up in the top zone.
How am I supposed to know?
Juwan Johnson and... Oh, that's who I was looking for and I couldn't find him.
Jonu Smith. I did it. I couldn't find him. Johnnie Smith.
I did it. I took Darren Waller.
You took Waller?
I took Waller.
He's a free agent.
Shit.
Oh, shit. I just took my fourth tight end
God damn it
I have four also
I did not mean to do that
I picked a real quarterback this time
Last two rounds coming up
I thought it was the last round
That was the last round?
And I used it on another tight end?
On my fourth tight end?
I did a tight end the last round
I used it on a free agent
Fuck
I have five tight end the last round. I used it on a free agent. Fuck.
I have five tight ends.
How?
Oh, God damn it.
Fuck yeah.
That's my podcast program. I feel good about this.
All right.
All right.
Let's draft.
Sweet.
And let's look up at the big board.
Best ball is awesome.
And now we don't really have to worry about it.
Yeah.
Sweet.
All right.
We did a 20-round draft in like 30 minutes.
No, that was very fun.
I can't wait for football.
That was fun.
I love that.
Yeah.
I got the itch.
Thank you everyone who watched that.
I know we probably have some complaints,
but best ball is the best type of fantasy football played
because you don't have to change your roster you don't
have to update it you draft your team and the worst part about playing fantasy is when you
play and you make a roster decision and it's like oh i should have started this guy instead of this
guy this is just automatic yep so how it's gonna pick like what the 10 best so if you have like
if you're if you're six best wide receiver scores
three touchdowns one week they're automatically in your starting line amazing so it sets the
starting lineup after the fact after yeah it's your time they already play it's not like an
algorithm on your roster yes oh well that's i might actually be good that's what i'm saying
like i didn't know what best ball was until i i signed up yesterday and did that draft i was like
this fantasy was made for me.
Because you don't have to look at it.
That's great. Yeah, this is my kind of fantasy.
You just check your updates. It's an even simpler
version of what we played last year. Yeah.
Che, you want to give out rankings? It's hard to get much
simpler than what we played last year.
That was so simple.
Say the ranking, say how
last year worked again. The kicker kicks it from
47 yards.
You get two and a half points.
100-point bonus.
With 10X.
50-plus, you get 10X field goal.
That was extremely simple.
Extremely simple.
All right, what else we got going on, boys?
Dude, I put up 89 on SAS last night in the NCAA.
Really?
89-41.
Sent him back to JV.
Was he pissed? He was mad. How are you at the NCAA. Really? 89-41. Sent him back to JV. Was he pissed?
He was mad.
How are you at the game, Brandon?
I was saying that Doug's is, I'm struggling.
Well, it's hard.
It's a difficult game.
Are you playing All-American?
I played All-American, yeah.
Yeah.
It's a difficult game.
Defense is almost impossible.
But it is perfect football.
Like, the college-ness of it is great.
Yeah.
I love it.
They have all the details.
All the details. It feels like a college football game.'s great yeah like co-eds and stuff yeah yeah kind of are you playing online against people or just i'm i don't i just like to
play the computer i just like to play offline dynasties i recruit and all that i spent so much
time recruiting same i think i did it wrong though i i figured it out about three weeks in okay take it up and down as you see fit so oh fuck what you do the first week doesn't have
to roll over you can you can deduct hours yeah i didn't know that wait what do you do you can put
hours into a kid if he's not responding you take the hours away you can switch something here you
can do you can maneuver it a lot of ways do the players have personalities they do especially in road to glory i haven't played road to glory but i mean you can get ruled in you can get you can maneuver it a lot of ways. Do the players have personalities? They do, especially in Road to Glory.
I haven't played Road to Glory, but you can cheat on your test
and get ruled ineligible.
Do they utilize NIL and money?
No, they don't have NIL.
At least I haven't seen it.
They've got the transfer portal.
As you're playing, you have to monitor certain players on your team
who are leaning towards transferring.
I saw a clip of some dude doing road to glory and he was texting his
classmate and he like tried to like hang out with her and she blocked his
number.
Well,
there was that.
And then there's one,
a classmate texts you and says they have the answers to the test.
Do you want them?
You want to say,
yes,
you can get rolled in eligible.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
Well,
you could also pass the test,
right?
Like,
yeah.
So I don't know if there's a game.
Is there,
is there an Avenue where like doing that?
You have to take the taxes. Your GPA gba goes up there's your gba matters you have to
keep over a 2.0 to stay on the field i think well i think some school like some guy was not
eligible for northwestern right he wasn't able to play for his team that makes sense can you walk
around campus like gta no but that would be the gun you bring a gun to camp? You get swipes on your student ID to get lunch.
Sneaking somebody into the dorm.
Your player died of starvation.
It's a fun game.
I love it.
You want to play it tonight?
I'm not.
You've got to hit diggers.
That's right.
Where's your head at?
Where's your confidence level?
I don't know.
It seems like it's up in the air.
I'm confident.
I don't know how hard this is going to be.
I'm confident.
Not myself, per se.
It's going to be a slog.
Is that a good use?
Yeah.
I think it's going to be a slog, for sure.
It is going to.
So, yeah, I think when are we going live?
Four.
Four.
We're going to give out the...
So, we're going to try break barry bond's home run record
and it's 220 feet right i think this is gonna be easier than we think i was saying to lucas
if it's super easy we should probably throw in a rule at the end that like the last five we have
to hit five consecutive because that would be pretty funny yeah like we pick our five best
hitters and we have to hit five consecutive. Yeah.
Jerry was saying he wanted to – Last five, we're going to be so tired by the last.
Jerry was saying he wanted to hit the last one.
He wanted to hit lefty, which that feels like forever.
Jerry should have to hit the last like 20.
It's his record, right?
Well, imagine if he has to hit lefty on the last one.
Yeah, this impossible task does need wrinkles.
Make Lucas hit one.
I was saying the only way we do the last five things is if we speed through it.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think there's a world that we just rip home runs.
If, in fact, this is a Little League field, a standard Little League baseball field,
I can't think of a
scenario where we're not just hitting home runs constantly like i think it's like a pop-up goes
out right like in my mind i i think i'm gonna get up there and i'm gonna hit like eight home runs in
a minute wait but you can't you might hit some grounders and some drive good but i can also
run so how many you don't have to hit it hard. You could hit it off the handle and it would go out on the field.
Yeah, you guys are all very sensitive to the sun.
You think you guys can all as a group average more than one per 30 seconds?
Yes.
Really?
Again, I might be wrong.
And that would be like six hours.
I think Max is going to be wrong.
I might be way wrong.
Kyle, this is like we have to dunk a basketball 100 times
and the goal is set on seven feet, and it's like, okay.
I don't think it's that easy.
It's extremely easy.
I went to, like, you go by a little league park,
like it's the fucking tiniest field.
We're grown men.
They're tiny.
You guys are grown.
I think it is a softball field, though, not a Little League field,
so it might be a little bit farther.
And it's going to be 86.
Because it might be like a –
Very humid.
Yeah, I mean, like I said, if it's a standard Little League baseball field,
it's a joke.
220 would be good because 220 is just a little bit further than this.
I think most Little League fields are like 180, 200.
Yeah.
220 would be – 220 would be you'd have to hit it.
It's like hitting to the left fielder in an MLB game,
like right where he stands.
Not even.
That's still a little shallow.
Yeah, that might even be.
I was talking to Jerry last night.
He said it might take 12 hours.
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe if we suck? I don't know. Maybe if we suck?
I don't know.
Have any of you actually just gone out and tried?
When I was 12, yeah, and I hit a lot of...
But nobody's gone out this week and just gotten a feel for it?
No.
No.
And we also have juiced bats.
The Beeser bats are unreal.
I need my boys believing.
And we have White Sox there.
I just want to go in and mow it down and get it done with.
Am I doing the math wrong,
or is a home run every 10 seconds
would still take over two hours?
It's almost a 100-home run.
It's going to take a while.
No matter what, we're going to be there
for three-plus hours.
I think it's going to be five.
I think the minimum amount of time
that we can do this in is like four hours.
Because you're assuming everybody's going to be good, too. Correct. I think the minimum amount of time that we can do this in is like four hours. Because you're assuming everybody's going to be good too.
Correct.
But I think the ultimate limiting factor is not going to be our ability to hit home runs.
It's going to be like getting the balls back in.
It's going to be like the cycling in and out of people.
It's going to be that sort of thing.
It's going to be so much fun.
I know.
For a while.
Hitting home runs is the best feeling.
I'm nervous about Robin. You've got to catch one the best feeling. I'm nervous about Robin. You gotta catch one. I know.
I'm nervous about Robin. I might be out there
for like two hours before I take a swing. It might
never happen. No, it's gonna happen. You wanna
steal one? I'm gonna fucking steal one.
I think you'll get one. I love
that wrinkle because it's gonna piss someone
off. It's gonna piss the whole team off.
Yeah, the home run. Slow down
the pace. But you can't blame him because he wants to play.
Yeah, then someone else has to go out.
Like come in and rake.
But then if Mook's home run gets robbed next week.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, that would be great.
Yeah, it'll be fun.
I'm very excited.
Brandon, you have confidence?
Who's the weakest link?
Brandon?
No way.
Son.
Son.
Son.
Not actual ability. i'll allow that son is definitely
like we're doing it in the middle of the day yeah you could be migrained out in an hour yeah
i i have hydrated up i've had many liters of water today okay i don't know who the weakest
link would be i think it'd be funny if it was White Sox. Me or Hank or...
I think that's why I'm so confident,
because looking at the lineup,
I feel like I'm one of the weaker hitters.
And if that's the case, I feel good about where we're at.
I think Ebo and Max might hit 150.
Ebo's not in it yet.
Ebo's Brandon's replacement.
Okay.
If Brandon gets...
We got Brandon insurance?
Brandon.
Brandon insurance.
It's totally fair to have Brandon insurance.
Is it not?
All right.
You're Migraine City.
Okay.
And then Nick and KB are going to be calling it with Connor?
Yeah.
Love that.
Yep.
That's going to be great.
It might be like free throw where we run out of free throw jokes about three and a half
hours in.
We're going to be done.
No. Sorry. done. No.
Sorry.
Not like that.
Y'all a bunch of haters.
Not haters.
No, no, no.
The pace you have to go.
You don't know I do this to inspire you, but if it goes five hours, I get to dress you
for the week.
Yeah.
Ooh.
What if it goes under five hours?
What's he want?
You have to be naked for the week
Naked for the week
Bully naked
Like Bianca
I'd have to stay home
But I'd do it
A week vacation naked
Can't put on a single
That actually would drive you insane
I'd be pissed off
Even at home it would be insane
I would suck so bad
Put on a single article of clothing
For an entire night.
Oh, I'd hate it.
Oh, my God.
Don't naked weak me.
I beg.
Oh, man.
Dude, let's get over there.
All right, Nick, I'll do this for you.
Because I'm pretty confident
every minute over four hours will be a dollar
i want to dress you okay you want to dress me i want to dress you but
i will do a naked day on a weekend day of your choice
and you could facetime me at any time and i'll prove it a weekend day of your choice.
And you could FaceTime me at any time and I'll prove it.
Dude, that is like a haunting thought.
How are you going to dress me?
You have clothes?
Yeah, I'll bring clothes.
Okay.
All right.
So five hours.
Yeah.
From the first pitch.
Yes.
To the last home run.
Now, hold on. What if Jerry demands to do the left-handed last home run. Now, hold on.
What if Jerry demands to do the left-handed last home run?
That's a whole other gamble.
Again, 220, I think Jerry's got that in his bag, no problem.
Lefty?
I don't think I can hit a lefty home run.
I couldn't.
Lefty makes it interesting.
You guys are underestimating this a little bit.
And I think Jerry's – I agree.
220, Jerry's a very good athlete. People don I agree. 220, Jerry's a very good athlete.
People don't talk about Jerry.
Jerry's a very good athlete.
I think he can hit a 220 left hand.
Very?
I think he's a pretty damn good athlete.
I don't know if I said very.
I think he can hit.
He can swing and hit.
Jerry!
Come here.
Very feels like a strong word.
I mean, he went to the Celebrity All-Star game, a softball game,
and just was hitting dingers last year.
Right.
Over the cones, not the wall.
That's right.
Which is what we're doing.
It is about the same.
Jerry, do you actually think you can hit it lefty?
Yeah.
Brandon called you a very good athlete.
Yeah, I mean, I can hit a bunch of home runs.
Jerry, go pick up the wiffle ball.
Yeah.
We saw it with the Kaitlin Clark stream.
Yeah, right.
Everyone said, Jerry, this is going to take three days
for Jerry. I think Jerry's a good athlete.
Lefty is a total...
You can't hit lefty if you don't
know how to hit lefty.
Yeah, you can't just
pick it up and do it. He looks good.
He's got it.
He's got it.
He's got it.
Deal on. Make a day on a weekend
of your choice make a day on a weekend you facetime me at any point in time i'll show you my butt
i kind of want to what about would you do a would you do a whitey tighty show on the act
fuck no i think i'm wait no like the dad from Malcolm in the Middle I would do
We can work on details
We can work on details
Because naked day I don't really get a satisfaction
What about a nude bodysuit
I could do a nude bodysuit
Let's put you in Bianca Sensori's fit
That's naked
She's still doing that
I don't think it's her choice
Fuck it.
I'll just dress you for a week.
That would be cool, though.
I think I'll just be comfy.
No, I'll buy new clothes.
Oh, fuck me.
Okay, deal.
All right.
Dress for a week.
Dressing for a week.
Dressing for a week.
You guys think you'll get like 50 whiffs?
Oh, there'll be some whiffs.
Yeah.
Just out of tiredness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely whiff.
I might get bored
a little bit and like, I want to try something new here.
A bunt?
Also, the pitching machine is
a variable.
If it's good or not.
It's more consistent than throwing, I think.
It's a robot. Yeah, I think that's
the opposite.
It's the opposite of a variable.
I think it's a constant.
Depends what balls it's throwing, how fast it's set to.
How fast is it set to?
I think you can change it.
I want it at like 30.
If it's throwing baseballs, I feel more confident than if it's throwing those.
I want soft toss.
Like the batting cage balls.
I actually would probably strike a lot if it was like 50.
I would definitely miss.
I think slower is harder, right?
No, but with these bats in this field,
I know that I can't keep up with like 60 or 70 is like I'll strike out.
You just kind of have to make contact with these bats, right?
If your launch angle is... Oh, this is going to roll.
I love dingers.
All right, let's spin the wheel.
It's gone.
We'll be fine.
Do high noon?
I'll do high noon.
I'm sheetless.
High noon.
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Love it.
All right.
We're at Team Brandon.
I really wish I hadn't taken...
Oh, look at these graphics.
A tight end in the last round.
So it's at four?
Four.
Four o'clock.
Squad.
Oh, no.
That time it's both on by J.B. Smoove.
Don't worry.
Looks good.
All right. All right alright wet would be bad
no we're good
dry
there we go
alright see you in a while
it's the act it's the act Thank you. It's the act Yeah it's time to talk shop Or do a Yankee swap
It's the act
It's the act
Alright
Watch Jerry After Dark tonight
Love you guys
Bye