The Yak - Titus is Back from His Swiss Honeymoon | The Yak 9-3-24
Episode Date: September 3, 2024Bye BrandonYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Mark Titus is back. Wow. We ring look i missed so much on this show yeah i missed so much yeah oh you did yeah you did what uh you watched i you of course
of course i was woke up every night yeah yeah um i almost got doxxed Your honeymoon almost was ruined
Truly ruined
Truly ruined
Everyone keeps saying this and I have no
Knowledge of what this means at all
So TJ was out
TJ welcome back as well
Also Steven who cannot come
That was another thing I missed
Dick surgery
If a robber walked into this office
right now, into the yak, and he
pointed a gun at all the men, and he said
come or I'm going to kill you,
only one of us would die.
Hopefully that doesn't happen.
You can't come.
Kate would die too, right?
But that's just because nobody cares.
We have to figure out how this one works.
It's not tested, so.
All Kate would have to do is tie his wedding ring. What?
He would have to slowly slip off his wedding ring.
Bang.
Yeah, he can't come right now.
What's going on, Steve?
I might be able to.
What?
No, I said you can't.
Go try.
Prove it.
Wait, wait.
I didn't know this.
Way too risky.
He already can't?
What's the back story?
He's got a vasectomy. Oh thursday you actually missed the draft uh we drafted so he got a
vasectomy he can't come right now for seven days after the seven days he has to come 50 times
before it's all all his future children are gone it's cumless spunk. Yeah. Before his genocide is
over.
So we did
a draft on dates.
$1,000 cash prize for when the 50th
cum would be. Did somebody draft for Titus?
Wait, can Titus? No. Yeah, Titus, go ahead.
Wait, can he see
our guesses?
He'll try to be a dickhead.
When does the clock start? September 11't. When does the clock start?
September 11th.
When does the clock start?
I think Thursday or Friday.
Okay.
Or actually, I wasn't here for the discussion, but seven days from then.
Wait, is your first jerk-off day September 11th?
Is it?
No, it was a week from...
No, it's pretty soon.
A second hand has hit the tower. September 5th. No, it was pretty soon. September 5th?
September 5th, all right.
So 50 comes from September 5th.
A hijack.
All right.
So, Steve, I don't know.
Is he just going to knock them out real quick?
I think that's going to take four months, five months.
Wow, okay.
So what's your official date? Give me... Okay, five months. Wow. Okay, so what's your official date?
Give me, okay, so September.
So October, November, December, January, February.
Yeah, give me, he's going to save it for Valentine's Day.
His last day.
Wow.
What a gift.
What a gift for your partner.
Yeah.
Wow.
I don't think anyone had Valentine's Day.
Does anyone have Valentine's Day?
No, you're the last on that.
Oh, yeah.
I hate to break it to you guys. I'm going to be raw dogging my Halloween.
What?
Raw dogging by Halloween?
Oh, yeah.
Shout out to me.
If you see, I believe in my boy.
I guess he shouldn't have seen this,
but whatever. It doesn't matter. He's going to be an honest man.
But, yeah.
I don't think you have the stamina, Steve.
I don't think you can... Oh, we should have said tampering is allowed yes
oh tampering tampering is allowed yes tampering is allowed non-physical tampering you can't go
up and send him sexy pictures but you can send him oh yeah send him like oh right okay foreign
objects allowed yeah foreign objects allowed no touching what No touching. What turns you off, Steve?
Bucks
losses.
I don't think about sex during football at all.
At all?
Do you think about football during sex?
No. Okay.
I don't believe that.
Wait, but what if a hot cheerleader was on the screen?
Not effective. Or a commercial
where the barbecue sauce drips down.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Barbecue sauce.
Don't get hung up on that.
What if someone had porn right next to you?
During football?
Yeah.
That ain't happening.
I'm going to be in jail.
I'm not hanging out with Zaha very often because that could be...
All right, so what turns you off, Steven?
I mean, a lot of things.
Clearly not.
What would you think about to prolong a session?
Probably baseball.
Okay.
But you don't even know baseball.
Yeah.
So you wouldn't even think about baseball.
Whatever.
I actually have some baseball.
You know, we'll do it.
I got to tell you the doxing thing, and then we got to get back to what I wanted to tell Stephen.
So Lucas, TJ was out.
Lucas filled in Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
Wednesday's show, 90 seconds into the show, he pulled up something on his screen, and it was a DM.
It was like his Twitter, and then you saw his DMs, and it was a DM to you,
and it was him sending a phone number.
And we thought, at first we had thought that it was your phone number.
Yeah.
It turned out it was just Lucas' phone number.
He got 4,000 calls that show.
And that was, yes.
Yeah, that would have ruined my honeymoon.
Yeah, it would have.
We all were very nervous.
I would have had to have killed him.
Yeah.
And when we were like, take it down, take it down, he clicked,
and he just did the wheel graphic, and it was a wheel, a perfect circle,
bright circle around the number.
Yeah, made it even bigger.
So then we played Jeopardy with the listeners For two days straight.
So we just called people from his phone.
Yeah, look at that.
And that's Lucas quote tweeting a woman that had a lot of texts.
He's like, you think that's a lot?
Yeah.
Look how popular I am.
Oh, Lucas.
Of course he uses it to his gain.
But we did find out we're going to probably get a phone line for this show.
That's exciting. We're going to get it a phone line for this show. That's exciting.
We're going to get it back.
I mean, he used to have callers, but it was fun playing Jeopardy with the callers.
So fun.
Yeah, we're going to try to do that.
But yeah, that happened.
And then I guess you also missed.
So this week is a huge week. We have tomorrow Data Day, Thursday, Will Compton Day, where we will break ground on his museum,
which is going to be in the handicapped stall of the men's basketball team.
Okay.
That one just was simple.
Will was looking for a jersey in his house that he couldn't find,
and then he found it on eBay and someone was selling it,
and I just swooped in and bought it,
and then I decided to buy all will
compton memorabilia i have spent probably a thousand dollars on will compton memorabilia
in the last 10 days that's a lot of memorabilia it is so we're a lot of pieces yeah and so his
museum i have it all planned we're gonna have a whole celebration will will be here he's gonna
give a speech uh like he's going into can Canton, but it will be for the handicap stall
and it will stay up.
So all of his.
So if you go into the handicap stall in the far bathroom, it will just be Will Compton.
Shrine of Will Compton.
Yeah.
Did a painting.
Yep.
We're going to put that up.
We actually might have too much stuff.
It's going to look like Applebee's.
It's going to be tough to blow it up.
Yeah.
There's going to be too much stuff in there.
Yeah.
But yeah, that will be Thursday.
And then Friday we have a big guest.
What?
Big guest.
Yeah.
Big guest.
Massive dude.
I don't know.
Give the dimensions of the man.
Let's just say.
Friday will be booming.
Oh, so he is big.
It's Antonio Brown.
Antonio Brown.
He's going to come in and call us a bunch of slurs.
It's going to be great.
It's going to be great.
But, yeah, big week.
So, yeah, you missed.
I don't know what else you missed, but that was.
Oh, yeah, purple hat.
He went on a tear.
What are we doing with texas you don't yeah you know oh now just so you know fleming is on the side of
that doesn't count you side with fleming that's not a hat it's a headpiece all right you could
say the same for the do-rag and that was amazing yeah judgment has already been passed nothing i say is going to matter but uh
that is my piece we also we clemmer turned on us on friday he's he's he's mad at us
he's he's realized this is a punishment and he's not happy but like all his content before that
he was punishing himself yeah the locking himself in there like that's what he wanted to do that's
the punishment you get to travel the entire country?
Yes.
See every state in this great union?
So yeah, he started.
We did GeoGuessr to see where he started.
He started in New Mexico, which isn't ideal.
That was so casual.
He just went there.
He and Jacob went on the road last week for an entire week,
and you could see the path they took.
There it is.
Yeah.
So we've got a lot of hats.
What state weren't they successful in?
Iowa.
Davenport, he said.
They got locked out of Iowa.
But we decided to.
So he gets a little break now, but when he gets close,
we're going to have him do Wisconsin as the last one,
and we're going gonna do a flash mob
up in like milwaukee like invite as many people as possible so like when he gets it we can just
have everyone go crazy and then we'll just forget this all yeah yeah immediately our week might have
been better than yours yeah it sounds like it yeah that's what as i was uh drinking champagne
and eating chocolate and having sex with my wife i was was thinking, is Stephen Che going to say over or under eight and a half
wins for the range?
No, Daddy Day hasn't started yet.
That's tomorrow. That's tomorrow. Oh, so I get to
still do that? You still get to do that. Okay.
Well, hell yeah. This is great. This is the best of both worlds.
If you were drinking champagne and
having sex with your wife and seeing Paris
and all this stuff, you were
probably thinking like, man, I wish I was
with the guys thinking how we can get Stephen Chia to come.
To come, yeah.
You were looking at the Matterhorn.
You were just like, I hope nobody takes Valentine's Day for his bust.
Oh, look at that.
Okay.
Is that a yak?
Let's just call it one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a yak.
All right.
That's a yak.
Wow, you were thinking of us.
Yeah.
That's so sweet.
Did you hike a lot?
We actually did yeah We didn't need to
I was a hard ass
There was a lot of gondolas
That take you up the mountains
And I was the hard ass
I was like let's just hike
We'll have a better view
We can stop for pictures
She was not a fan of that decision
So you get up to the top And there's just people in stilettos Walking around view we can stop for pictures we can do all that and uh she was not a fan of that decision so you
get up to the top and then there's just people and like stilettos walking around with tons of
energy yeah and you're very fucking tired but um the sheep though aren't on the like you had to
you had to hike to see them so the axe for me yeah the axe i'm sorry theaks win for me. The Alps. Yeah.
Pretty good, yeah.
Yeah.
Like it made you feel?
It did, yeah.
They were great, yeah.
The weather in Switzerland.
It was hotter than I realized.
They also don't do air conditioning or deodorant.
I learned quickly.
Oh.
They're odorous.
It's my first time going to Europe.
I learned that very quickly.
BO everywhere.
Did it kind of start smelling good?
Never at any point was I there.
What phenomenon is that?
I don't know.
Sometimes when someone has really bad BO, it's like so bad.
You're like, at least I'm...
Hold on, hear me out.
This is probably a stupid thought.
You can tell me it's dumb.
And as I'm saying it, I know it's dumb.
But there is a feeling of like i'm feeling something yeah it's like when you get horrible news yeah like there's there's like i'm alive right now because i can't breathe such a novel
extreme experience right you have a crisis at your doorstep and now you have to act right how
fascinating yeah your adrenaline starts to pump you're're like, I can't really smell.
I can't breathe.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm just an adrenaline.
It's a sensation.
Yeah.
Not good ever.
It does kind of wake you up.
Yeah, it pisses me off.
Don't be stinky.
And certain fellas, a little bit of it.
Not bad.
Oh, see?
Mixed with a cologne.
A little bit of it.
That's what they do.
The dudes just cake and cologne all over the pub.
Like, they're sitting on a park bench next to strangers,
and they're just spraying cologne.
And you know it's because they're like, oh, I smell a little bit,
so let me just douse myself in cologne.
That'll fix it.
It does not.
It doesn't fix.
What were the Swiss people like?
Oh, very kind, yeah.
I'm always fascinated by how people can figure out what language you speak.
I don't know.
I must give off American energy or something, but they speak German there,
but they also are close to Italy, so there's a lot of Italian.
There's a lot of French speaking.
And everywhere we would go, there was never like a feel-it-out process.
We'd just walk up and they'd say hello.
Yeah.
He knew right away.
Were you wearing a baseball hat? Not really not really a lot he had a gun yeah it is i don't know they can spot they can just figure you out
they just know exactly i wouldn't automatically assume american for you yeah that's what i try i
try so hard to be your you have like the anatomical geometry of a european yeah yeah because when i
went to paris i had the same thing happen to me,
but I just assumed they've never seen a man with that much hair.
You're undeniable.
Yeah, they're like, Eric, what is he eating?
It's a goddamn American.
We don't make them like that.
I don't think Kyle and I will be here for Data Day tomorrow.
What?
I know.
No.
You have to cancel. What do you have?
Commercial for High Noon
Okay, who's running it?
Rutt
What time is it at?
It starts at like 7am I think
Is it here or you gotta go somewhere?
We gotta go around the city
We gotta get him in here
I'm gonna get him in here I I'm going to get him in here.
I can watch.
Corey's one of those guys.
He'll get flustered.
Well, I don't know what you want me to do.
This has been set in stone for weeks.
I mean, we can't move Wilcompton Day.
No, we can't.
I would rather die than miss Data Day.
I guess we could move Wilcompton Day to next week.
No. Oh, because he'll be here
yeah no no it has to be no this is this is setting up for an all-time we'll get cory in here we're
i just called him in here we have to it's data day yeah we'll rearrange i i remember i forgot
we agreed to it months ago right now yes right now right now, you're in trouble. Oh, I think he's in a meeting. You're in trouble.
For tomorrow.
You're in trouble.
Emergency ASAP.
Is that enough?
Red alarm.
Okay.
There we go.
Yeah, I told him, you're right now, yes, right now, you're in trouble.
Emergency ASAP.
And the alarm went off.
That should get him here.
That should get him here.
I developed a weird obsession where there's this town in Switzerland,
Wangen I think it's called.
It's spelled – the Vs and Ws mess me up.
It has a W. They say a V.
You can go to a little tourism office.
They sell you a wooden ball, and then throughout the town they have these
basically marble runs, but they're bigger.
And so my wife and I each bought our own ball, and we're just walking around dropping them
and watching them race.
And it was the dumbest thing in the world, and I couldn't get enough of it.
And I was six years old just running around like, where's the next one?
I'm pushing kids out of the way, trying to put more.
Dropping your wooden ball?
Yeah.
This whole little village just has all these little-
So we should do that.
And I thought that.
I was like, we need to get this.
Yeah.
We need to get this in the office somewhere.
Yeah, we should just have it everywhere.
We should just have these like...
Wait, wait.
Is the ball on a track?
Yeah, there it is.
There you go.
There's one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bubble run.
Maybe it's the most here.
Let's just have another look at that.
Some of them are cooler than others, but I was just like, what an idea.
Just walking around town with your ball.
Did you have to return your ball?
No, I still have it.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Was there a little Joe Montana at the bottom?
Let's catch it.
Hello.
There's a tracking device on it.
Oh.
Yeah, we need this.
Titus, this is a romantic-ass honeymoon.
She's like, can we stop?
No, no.
Your face does not need to be in the video.
No, he needs it.
He needs it.
I was like, honey, I explicitly said best of 13.
We have to.
Oh, that's fun.
Get over here.
You're in trouble ASAP.
Red alarm.
It makes cool sounds, too.
Sit down.
That would make me want to have married sex.
We got to get back.
Corey.
Oh God, what'd I do?
Do you know what tomorrow is?
Sounds like you do.
Wednesday?
No.
He's right.
Do overthink it.
Yeah.
Overthink it a lot.
The punt.
No.
What's tomorrow? Tomorrow's data lot. The punt. No. What's tomorrow?
Tomorrow's data day.
Data day.
Got it.
It's probably the number one most hallowed day on the yak.
Okay.
How can I help?
Free these men.
Oh, shit.
Yo, that's...
I'm helping that out.
No, no, no, no, no.
Wait, aren't we doing that after the yak?
Don't pass it off. I thought it was in the morning. I aren't we doing that after the act? Don't pass it off.
I thought it was in the morning.
I think we're doing it after the act.
Don't pass it off.
Oh, I guess we haven't got...
I thought it was early morn.
Oh, dude.
I would gladly shoot this later after the act.
Yep, all right.
Hold on, but for the record, I'm Team Anus.
I will send the...
Make it happen right now.
Okay, let's see if we can do this. These boys need to be here for dinner. All right, wait, let me put this on so I can send the appropriate messages. Make it happen right now. Okay, let's see if we can do this.
These boys need to be here for data.
All right, wait.
Let me put this on so I can send it to them.
Was it Kyle that caught the mistake last year?
Yes.
What happened?
No.
Data day.
I was never correct.
No, that was a common mistake.
I think Chad caught it.
Chad caught it.
We need Chad on their game tomorrow.
Let me see if I can handle this, and I'll be quiet for a second.
Coffee up.
Focus.
Have some walnuts.
Tell us what you're texting.
I'm sending this to the...
Use the red alert.
Use the red alert.
Red alert.
Thanks, Big Cat.
You guys can't miss that.
I was really upset when it hit me.
You should have alerted me earlier.
I forgot about everything.
Both things.
You'll be here for will compton yes
very exciting that's during yak yeah and everyone uh i'll have a tire for everyone
a tire yeah never mind never mind actually you might want to dress up like will compton
oh that's a great idea yeah i have a lot of jerseys. Hmm.
I'll have to think that one through.
Yeah.
Are any of them signed?
At least two of them, I believe.
Okay.
Yeah.
We should all sign it, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, we should sign it. We should use that as the guest book.
Yeah.
You use that bathroom, you sign the jersey.
Oh, that's great.
Yes.
You're in trouble, emergency.
Yes, we said high noon after the act.
Boom.
Boom.
I thought very early.
How are the legs?
Oh, yeah.
All right.
They look good.
All right, boys.
See you, boys.
We did it.
We did it.
We fucking did it.
Thank you, Corey.
Okay.
That's a load off.
Easy.
Yeah.
Look at that. That was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be
Crisis averted
I kind of don't want to do it after the act though
Alright Corey get back here
Should we have somebody else do it in our stead
Do you have any doppelganger
Yeah that'll make for a long day
That's too long
Nick and KB can't do it
after the act.
You're going to have to figure that out.
Can we hire actors playing us?
Can we have actors play?
How long is this shoot?
Three hours.
Do you want to do it before?
Nah, we'll go after.
Okay, after.
They're fine with after.
They're fine with after.
Okay, they're fine with after. They're fine with after. Okay, they're fine with after.
You guys need to put a little more pressure on Corey.
Corey fights for us, though.
There was one commercial shoot where we asked for 100 Thai actors,
and he reached out, and we had him, but then the idea got shot down.
What was that idea?
I forget. Thai actors? People from Thailand. We wanted him to do the idea got shot down What was that idea? I forget People from Thailand
To do a meet and greet
And act like only 20 Thai men
Came
Like everyone
Would be able to distinguish
That they were Thai
He was just like yeah okay we'll run with that
And he reached out to like 20 Thai actors
We should do a Thai meet and greet He was just like, yeah, okay, we'll run with that. And he reached out to like 20 Thai actors.
We should do a Thai meet and greet.
We just wanted it for the photo of just like the anus meet and greet.
That's a Thai man.
He shouldn't have listened to that.
But yeah, that's why.
Yeah, he fights. He does the most.
By the way
Brandon's doing
Wrestling right now
Which is now
It's a thing now
Is that twice now
Where it's
Yeah it's just hurting the
Twice in three episodes
Of wrestling
That's interfered
Brutal
That sucks
I miss him
Like crazy
But he is in a good mood
I walked with him
This morning for a little bit
What's his pace?
He was good.
He actually was trying to out-walk me.
I have a bone to pick with Kyle Bauer.
Oh, no.
Oh.
Wait, before we do that, game time.
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I was looking at tickets.
Pirates at Cubs tonight.
Paul Skeen's on the bump.
Yes.
Paul Skeen's might be here tomorrow doing the gauntlet.
No.
Really? He's coming in
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What time is it game
time we need to pull up the pirates
media rankings when
if he comes yes yes like hey
I'm yeah number by the way
TJ can we talk to Brandon through that or no
no fuck can
we like spin the camera around so he notices it
yeah um
or we'll screw him up I like the um
can we turn off the wrestling TV?
I think I can
Yeah just wiggle it back and forth
You can change
I can change the TV
Oh you can change the TV
You can change the TV
That's good
Wait change
Wait can you
Can you just
Can you change to us?
Find like a
Yeah
Yeah change to us
Change to us
I can change it to the Yak logo
Yeah
No can you change it to our feed of us?
No
Change
What else do you have saved on there?
An embarrassing picture of Brandon or something?
Yeah.
Just pop up and...
Lucas' phone number.
Can you put Lucas' phone number up?
Yeah.
No, wait.
Pull up that picture of Che
on the Troy Polamalu wig.
Yeah.
From the preseason Steelers-Giants game.
You could change that?
That'd be great.
I want to see it live.
He's cheating on us.
Yeah.
I know, and he's into it.
He's so, oh, he, listen.
One thing about Brandon,
if he could give everything else up
and just talk about it,
he would do that in a second.
In a second.
How is he feeling after week one of college football?
Titus?
He seemed pretty happy, but Ole Miss is pretty good.
I think that's got him shook a little bit.
Ole Miss is damn good.
Florida State is 0-2 after week one.
Yeah, and the guy won't eat the shit.
The guy won't eat shit.
I saw that.
It's crazy he won't eat the shit. I gave my take
on the rundown. No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
No, people can make boasts online. That's what the internet's
for. They were 17-point favorites.
Dude, don't eat the shit.
Didn't PFT eat poop? PFT did eat poop.
That's his job. This guy
will probably get hired by Barstool.
If he eats the shit. Yeah, I mean, it would be a good
career move. That Eagles guy at the Superool. If he eats the shit. Yeah, I mean, it would be a good career move.
That Eagles guy at the Super Bowl parade, he ate the horse poop.
But now he's got to not eat the shit for a while.
Yeah, and he's a household name.
He's got to build the hype, though.
I think now you don't eat the shit.
You let it build a little bit and find the right moment to capitalize.
But he does eventually have to eat the shit.
Let me run this by you all.
Eating the shit, technically.
Would you let him dry it and grate it over a wrap
it has to be moist there has to be some moistness okay moisture put it in a pill capsule no okay
it's dog shit yeah he's got to take a spoon eat it does he have to flip the spoon upside down
he's gonna twirl it can he pick the breed? Can he feed the dog beforehand? Yes, I'll let him feed the dog.
He's got to be like the ice cream tester.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Didn't PFT do this with horses?
Yeah, he grabbed it right out of the bag.
Yeah.
He's got to eat the shit.
Is this like a super active Twitter user?
I think he was somewhat.
Jack Mack found him in like two seconds.
Yeah, did this guy,
does he have an audience of tens and somehow this one blew up? I think he had like. Jack Mack found him in like two seconds. Yeah, did this guy, does he have an audience of tens?
And somehow this one blew up.
I think he had like around 1,000 followers.
So he was like, you know, active on Florida State Twitter.
But he definitely thought if they lose, nothing's going to happen.
Correct.
No one's going to see this.
Who cares?
Correct.
Jack Mack's on his Ancestry.com.
Again, if it was like a five-point spread,
it'd be like, all right, whatever.
But they were 17-point favorites.
They lost by 14, 15 points.
He's got to eat the shit.
He doesn't have to eat the shit.
He does, Nick.
How many times have you...
John Rich has to cut his head off.
Yeah, we're still waiting on that.
I actually agree with that.
It did.
The funny thing is, like, Tate has...
It ramped up on Tate.
Because Tate has a list of –
That's right.
Well, Tate's seeing what's happening to this guy.
Tate has significantly more followers and has been very –
But, as I told him, no chance Ohio State loses a game.
Yeah.
The Purdue one's the worst, for sure.
Oh, that's the one he's most nervous about.
That's absolutely the worst.
And Purdue is one of those teams that they'll be they'll be ohio state every like seven years randomly he's
lucky i think it's in columbus this year right i think so i think that helps him if it was at
purdue we're losing that game they were down three nothing to akron right they were yeah
all right what's your what's your bone to pick, yeah. We had an anus team dinner at Twin Anchor last night.
Nice.
Great ribs.
I chose not to eat all day so I could slam a full rack of ribs.
Mook full rack.
Rudy got the fish fry.
Fine.
Kyle got salmon salad.
Salmon Caesar.
What?
What?
And we got the spinach dip to share.
Kyle didn't have a single bit of that.
Dude, Twin Acres has great ribs.
You know, I said what I said about barbecue.
What did you say?
I said a lot, I think.
Barbecue sauce, no.
No?
No.
You got a Sal salmon Caesar salad.
Too strong of a flavor, and it's a flavor that I don't love.
They brought out three different sauces for us.
You just said no to barbecue sauce?
I don't like barbecue sauce, and I don't.
Oh, my God, Kyle.
That's brutal.
That's a brutal visual.
Am I wrong to be mad?
No, you're not.
You're absolutely right to be mad.
You don't win.
And then everybody else went to DQ afterwards kyle ubert hum yeah kyle yeah i don't want my gullet filled with things that i
don't love i have autonomy to eat what i want and i'm going to do that to the best of my preferences
kyle because that makes the rest of the table maybe feel kind of bad.
Yeah.
Yes, it does.
No.
Like they're bullet fillers.
Like they're gross.
This is like some barbecue meetup.
Like we're going to.
It's a rib restaurant.
They're known for the rib.
That's a barbecue plate.
They're not known for their salmon salads.
How was the salad though?
Because I need to know that before I.
It came out last.
We had ours out.
I was halfway through.
I always get salmon in a Caesar.
I think it works perfectly.
I love the texture of salmon.
It's like when you're day drinking
and you're outside smoking
and somebody goes running by.
Yeah.
Don't do anything while I'm day drinking.
Right.
Don't do anything good for you.
Kyle.
I know.
I understand.
I don't think you do because I think you'd do it again. it again I know I don't I don't understand I fast yeah you don't I'm getting angry yeah yeah let
it out no no because I don't care enough now I'm angry but there's something it's it's not about
the food it's about the bonding with the boys. Right. Getting your hands messy.
I love the meats that come with barbecue.
Less sauce.
You got to put your own amount of sauce on.
It's like when I eat barbecue, I feel like I'm drinking barbecue and eating nothing in particular.
Because you can't even taste the meat.
That is what you said about barbecue.
Yeah, it's like drinking shots of barbecue sauce.
Less is more, in my opinion. Sauces I like said about barbecue. Yeah, it's like drinking shots of barbecue sauce. Less is more, in my opinion.
Sauces I like more than barbecue.
Sriracha.
Okay.
Okay.
And there's much better sauces than Sriracha.
Do the math.
That's your eighth favorite sauce.
Is barbecue in your top 20 sauces?
No.
Wow. What? Wow. You can't your top 20 sauces? No. Wow.
What?
No.
Wow.
You can't name 20 sauces before you get to barbecue.
What about an appropriate amount of barbecue?
They bring out the fat.
It's got to just be lightly bathed.
Okay.
Mmm.
I'll go.
There we go.
Oh, TJ's back.
He's going to put fucking, yeah, Jif peanut butter S.
Sour cream over it? that's not even a sauce.
I don't know.
Sour cream is repulsive.
Ketchup.
I love it.
Ketchup.
No, ketchup, it depends on the food.
A1.
If it's breakfast food, yes.
Anything else?
A1 is S.
If it's a dinner entree, no ketchup.
There goes TJ.
A1 is bad.
A1 isn't good.
You don't like sauce.
I don't like the way it makes it.
You don't like sauce.
No, you don't like sauces.
That's the problem.
I'm the one who started to conceive the idea of the sauce bar.
How soon we forget.
Orange chicken.
Orange chicken?
Yes, please.
Exhibit B.
There's a very cool person walking by.
Do you have the...
He's one of my favorites.
Do you have the picture ready to go?
Yeah, you want Brandon's high school photo or chain of wig?
Thank you
I like chain of wig
Oh, this looks so good
And it smells good
Thank you, this is awesome
Oh
Yeah
Yes Yeah. Yes.
Oh, he's just put it together.
Yep.
He's now realizing what's happening.
What else should we put up?
Is there any shirtless photos of Brandon?
Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Yeah, we got a shirtless photo of Brandon.
Listen, can we listen?
I fear we're making this show better.
Yeah, can we listen to him?
Okay, next up. That's fucked him okay next up that's fucked up oh
that's fucked up wait dj can you put a wheel up there or no no ah be funny if you just put a kiss
wheel and just had their two names yeah what else what else can we put up put Brandon with something real bad
something really bad
like a fucking swastika
like a bloody swastika
yeah a swastika
giving the finger
what else can we put up there
a naughty swastika
that says I don't want to do my homework
fuck you mom
do you have a shirtless picture Brandon we can put up Swastika that says I don't want to do my homework. Fuck you, mom.
Do you have a shirtless picture of Brandon we could put up?
That would be a funny comic. I'm not eating my broccoli.
Like David, the mean swastika.
Nazi Bart Simpson.
Eat my shorts.
That swastika is a real piece of shit.
Yeah.
That has legs.
Yeah.
That's a winner.
Put some muscle up, TJ.
That orange chicken was incredible.
Very good.
So good.
Did you eat it?
Did you eat it?
I ate it in one bite.
And it was like the perfect amount of sauce.
I don't want when things are dripping sauce.
You don't like the sauce everywhere?
Yeah, if it's...
You're ignoring what I'm saying.
If it's shit...
Yeah, I agree with what you're saying, Kyle.
I think you're also not addressing the actual issue.
You smother your own ribs.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. S-Y-O-R. You controlother your own ribs. Yeah.
Yeah.
S-Y-O-R.
You control your sauce.
Mm-hmm.
So I had like a Korean fusion rib that I thought was fantastic.
I would do that.
No pushback when we said,
let's do rib night.
Yeah, I wanted to just chill with you guys.
You should have,
at that point you should have said,
I'm down for rib night, but it's going to be salad night night for me i didn't know that was so important to like a group
i would never care pretty important someone ordered it's pretty important it's like getting
chicken at a steakhouse yeah dude i always vote the lowest percentage in the Mount Rushmore polls. Really? I was high on a 5%.
Oh, he's droopy.
Where are his nipples? Below?
That's tough.
He's actually upset about that.
That one's tough.
He was working game.
That's from like COVID
Walk the Line. They used to do shirtless episodes.
Look how low his tits are. That's from like COVID Walk the Line. They used to do like shirtless episodes. Look how low his tits are.
Oh.
That's bad.
Oh.
What could the.
Oh, I think he's ending the interview.
I think that spoiled everything.
And that was great having you on.
Hope we have you on again.
That's wrestling. That's wrestling.
That's wrestling.
It'll be a good episode.
Tune in.
Subscribe.
Yeah, tune in.
Oh, she gave a little sultry look there.
Oh, is he still going?
He's got rapport.
I haven't seen her talk once yet.
Oh, there she goes.
She's like, a couple things.
What about Che and the football pads on the train One of my favorite pictures
I'm not going to be mad at you anymore Kyle
I'm not mad
I was for a minute.
I was confused for a second.
That's it.
And then missing...
You could have won it all back by going to DQ with the boys.
How are you...
Wait, after a big dinner, I never want dessert.
Just get gluttonous, yeah.
You always need dessert.
That's why your body's so fucking good.
Yeah.
I eat like shit.
No, you don't.
I had blueberry coffee cake last night what
wait you left your fucking animal like later i need to sit like i need like two hours you had a
salad yeah it's like still meat salad i don't know salad i can eat anything i i can eat i eat a salad
and then i eat a meal most people do yeah yeah all right do you have breakfast today yes what cream
puffs chocolate cereal pastry I did have pastry I have frosted have pastry cereal I had frosted pastry cereal was amazing
I had frosted mini wheats
I had frosted mini wheats
I had frosted mini wheats
yeah
is that a problem
yeah
kinda healthy
yeah
ish
I don't know
some Cheerios in there
I had baking soda in it
what
what
so yeah
people were talking
show me one thread
one pseudo scientific thread
on baking soda being a performance
enhancer, and I'm doing it.
You had baking soda for breakfast?
In water.
I had a little bit too much.
I had like four teaspoons.
What is it supposed to do?
It's supposed to make you work out a lot better.
Are you just poisoning yourself?
It made me feel horrible.
Yeah.
Did you like start foaming? So much diarrhea. What is that? Like how much diarrhea? work out a lot better are you just poisoning yourself it made me feel horrible yeah did you
like start foaming so much diarrhea what is it like how much diarrhea it was just like the
intensity of how it gushed out but it was really relieving after that so i was like that was cool
i was like that i don't know it felt pretty good i don't know if it works well but baking soda yeah baking soda
is that what's in the oobleck
yeah yeah
no that was just cornstarch and water
did you guys do that
yeah we did and it kind of worked and no one cared
oh I have a tiktok about to hit a milli
the oobleck yeah it's just me dancing
on top of it
so not the yak but personally yes
it was a huge success for me.
Massive.
Yeah.
Phew.
I'm going to grab a coffee real quick.
Someone do the farmer's dog?
Big head has to do farmer's dogs?
You have to.
Oh, you.
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Summer's almost over.
Yeah, it sure is.
I don't mind.
I am very happy. I always love early fall,
but then it just goes so fast.
It goes too fast.
I hate bees, and it's angry bee season.
It's stressing me out.
When does the clock start on
get me the fuck out of the time we're in right now?
Mid-January?
Before that.
The holidays do get me through.
I love the holidays.
I think mid-January is about right.
By Valentine's Day, I'm done.
I'm big time done.
It drags on so long.
You're so tired of the dark and the gray.
This is what we're doing.
We're talking about weather.
On the flight back from Europe, The lag's on so long. You're so tired of the dark and the gray. This is what we're doing. We're talking about weather. Yeah.
Talking weather.
So on the flight back from Europe, I got the fucking, I mean, we sprung for the lay flat seat situation, right?
And you got the TV screen in front of you.
I'm bored and I start, I just like pull up the games and I click on chess and I do, I was like,
man, I haven't played chess in ages. And I click on beginner and I'm just fucking around. And I
know, I know like where all the pieces can move. I know zero strategy, none whatsoever. Cause I
just haven't played since I was like seven years old and I get worked on the beginner level. So
I was like, well, that was weird. Let's play again. I get worked again. I played chess on the flight home for like eight hours, I think.
I played eight hours of chess.
Did not win a single game against the computer on beginner.
And long story short, as soon as we landed, I downloaded the chess app and I'm becoming
a chess guy because there's not, there's never been a more humiliating feeling in my life
than to have a fucking airline
robot beating you on beginner at chess yeah but the that has to be hard because the chess.com
beginner is easy yeah so i i did the chess.com and i was like winning i was like thank god yeah
that's stupid but now i think i got the itch i don't know what airline was it american do they
have who has the smartest passengers it's a good question i'd have to pull
the data on chess success so you're saying losing so much motivated you to keep playing
there i've never felt so humiliated like i've never felt like because i do think i'm beginner
there there are one of two ways to take it one is to just go fuck this forever i'm done the other is to say i will devote my life to make sure i i do not feel this stupid again
do you think there was a picture sent of you of somebody that was sitting behind you able to see
your screen just being possibly this dude's lost 15 times in a row i'm gonna be i'm gonna go viral
yeah that's that other fucker's been playing for eight hours can't be beginner
what are you talking about it was so hard i i got the uh itch for chess because on my flight back It's like, motherfucker's been playing for eight hours. Can't beat beginner.
What are you talking about?
It was so hard.
I got the itch for chess because on my flight back,
I was just fucking around on the preloaded games on the screen.
Yeah.
And I played chess thinking this would be fun.
This will kill 10 minutes.
Yeah.
And I lost on beginner.
And in my mind, beginner is as easy as can be they just like they just take their queen
and throw it right at you and you're like all right i'll take that um and so i was like i got
to play again and anyway i ended up playing like seven hours with the chest did not win a single
game against this not one not one time yeah and then i got home and downloaded chess.com app and
now i've been all i've done since i've been back from the honeymoon have you won yeah yeah okay yeah and i'm like i'm watching tutorials i'm doing all this shit and uh i'm a
chess guy now i guess that's my announcement is that's cool i'm a chess guy chess guy is cool
there's just a good chess but the reason i'm bringing it up is because there's no i i the
feeling like i would rather get dunked on a hundred times out of a hundred than like have
someone checkmate you on like four moves yeah and you just sit
there and you're like I'm the dumbest motherfucker I don't know
you gotta play Rudy I used to play
Rudy every morning when we were in that standby office
and it was just it was
it was a fantastic feeling
oh he sucks he just he just
knows how to play and that's the best
that's his
the highest bar is like I know
what they do it's so great
i watch chess highlights a lot but they're never actual highlights of the gameplay it's just
magnus carlson yeah showing up late and being like a cursive cunt yeah he's awesome
sophisticated he just can't be beat. Just an awkward, sophisticated
dickhead. His documentary's sick.
Che is good. Che's good at chess?
So, my senior year of high school,
you could pick a senior project. It had to be
anything, but you could just, like, do it
and work on it for months. And mine
was teach myself how to learn how to play chess.
And it's a game I very much enjoy.
I would carry around, like, a
big Ziploc bag with the pieces that showed which way to move
and a board. People were very accommodating
and played me a lot. You were just walking around
senior year of high school with a chess board
and a Ziploc bag. Yep.
But it was really fun.
I like to play now. In the New York office I play with
Nick and Francis quite a bit.
Did you hustle?
I wasn't good enough then.
I played a lot online and I'm decent now.
I think I'm 0-3.
I don't think I've beaten Che.
Really?
Francis is pretty good.
Yeah.
Who would play?
I'm going to have to get in the lab.
Get in the lab.
We'll have a showdown at some point, Che.
Sure.
Were you in chess club, Nick?
Yeah.
Yeah, you were. Damn damn you just knew we had the same fucking yearbook reminisce about it uh
were you in chess club nick yep oh by the way brandon's doing another interview so
it's awesome doubly and then he stomped When I walked by him I was like
Are you coming on the act
And he's like
I got another interview
I was like
Oh I see how it is
And then he stomped
He did his Brandon stomp
No that's not
Hmm
He was kind of
But it seems like it is
It's exactly that
It's just him putting himself first
And you know
We're second class citizens
Yeah
I mean
It's not like this show
Doesn't have a set time every day
Right Yeah He could easily have said Like I do my interviews after citizens yeah i mean it's not like this show doesn't have a set time every day right he could
easily have said like i do my interviews after or something after today and his excuse is going to
be this is a daily show uh i'll be on a million more that that so what yeah who's he interviewing
now tj uh i don't know if i don't know if he said In his defense, he brought in a large amount of Minhunk chocolate company whips that are expired.
He didn't bring those in.
Oh, those are expired?
I already had two of them.
Oh, I've had like four of them.
What are they?
Mint?
Oh, somebody told me he brought them in.
I don't know.
Those are mushrooms.
What?
Explains why I feel finally normal right now.
That would actually rock.
Yeah, that'd be kind of nice
uh so i did my fantasy draft in the major league baseball league with like mike trout and everything
was that over zoom the fantasy football fantasy football sorry um jay won it's just wild watching
him interact with these guys but we're on the zoom and I was saying that my son's got his first T-ball game tonight.
And then Che said that there is a—this is, by the way, in front of Major League Baseball players.
Guys who played in Major League Baseball for many, many years.
Che claims that there is a kid on his block, five years old.
His name's Max.
For sure MLB-er.
Wow.
For sure going to the league.
Were you saying that in general?
In front of MLB players, he said that.
I said pound for pound.
He was better than all of them.
Yeah, he said pound for pound.
He's better than Shohei Ohtani.
He said pound for pound.
He can hit the ball farther than Shohei.
That's just a fact.
This kid's five-year-old birthday party is bombing it to the outfield.
In front of Major League Baseball players, he's saying this.
But you really think?
He said for sure going to the MLB.
You think he's pound?
How do you even do the math?
But baseball is not boxing.
Also, what's the outfield?
He was hitting the outfield in the Little League?
It was like a...
How far was he hitting?
I went to a batting cage with a field, so I don't know.
How far?
90 feet, 100 feet?
100 feet.
It was shocking.
40 pounds.
Will you text
I told it to them.
We talked to the dad of the kid
and just be like, can I send a video of him to Mike Trout?
Well, Shohei
hits it farther than I'm doing.
What is he wearing? He's
what, 200 pounds? Probably more. 220?
Are you doing the math? Yep.
That's like 500
pound per pound. If the kid is hitting it 100 feet.
Shohei is 209.
He's hitting it 100 feet?
Insanely far.
So Shohei's longest home run is 473.
You have to obtain footage of this kid.
He is pound for pound.
It's tough.
It was when we moved houses.
We left that area.
Is he just playing in public for everyone to see?
What's he doing?
Whenever he would come over, he would play baseball,
and then he had his birthday party at a batting cage.
It's his fifth birthday.
So, I mean, nobody could really hit the ball worth any salt,
and this kid is bombing it.
Pound for pound.
What about Jose Altuve?
Pound for pound.
Pound for pound.
Oh, because he's better than Jose Altuve? Pound for pound. Pound for pound. Oh, what about Jose Altuve?
Probably not.
Do you think all of those guys in that draft were like that when they were five?
165, so.
Yeah, no.
Jose Altuve, pound for pound, is a better baseball player than five-year-old Max.
Defend it, I would say.
Will you admit that fact?
Has he won an MVP?
Max, God.
Don't.
What has Max done?
Yeah.
The greatest baseball player I've ever seen.
Can he field?
I know Chase is going to end up being right about this,
and I'm not going to hear from him for like 35 years.
This was also that we got to this kid because we were talking about T-Ball, and Chase said that on his son's team,
there's another kid who's probably a major leaguer too.
So there's two major leaguers living within a mile square radius
of Chase's house right now.
Both five years old.
It's insane.
You're confident?
That's how the dads think.
I retracted that one.
They're going to do a 30 for 30 on what was going on in this town.
These two kids.
Is the dad getting cocky?
They're Clayton Kershaw and Matthew Saffer living next to Che.
That's what's happening right now.
Yeah.
Is the dad trying to cash out?
Has he been hoopified yet, this kid?
What's that?
Hoopified?
No.
Okay.
He's not.
He's probably on his radar.
The dad of the one kid who's very good,
whose birthday party he went to,
he's like a big baseball guy.
They play baseball all the time.
He's trying to get them into baseball,
which he is.
Okay.
Pound for pound.
But yeah, just the fact that
Jay was saying this in front of Major League Baseball.
How did they react?
They were just like, what?
Are they used to Steve by now?
Ish.
Do they like you as a commissioner?
They do.
You don't play, right?
I don't.
You're just the guy overseeing it all.
I did explain to them because they thought that last year Dave had some unfair advantages
because he had Jay as a commissioner.
And they were like, I was like, yeah, but you guys don't understand.
Like, I kind of own Che.
Like, Che is mine.
And I was like, if I died, tragically, if I died tomorrow, my kids, my wife, my family,
Che would be crying the most at my funeral.
Because his life would be the most like
my family would be okay che would not it'd be fine i'd like to think it would be like that for all of
us no because like i'm saying like his life would just not yeah yeah it would be a lot of his life
goes through you yeah right that's true he'd be wailing Well Family's like
We're okay
No
He's fucking
He jumps on the casket
Yeah
Don't let him go
Start singing hymns
So yeah
I'm gonna tip the scale
For myself
With Jay
How'd the draft go?
I dominated I think Yeah I had Blutman and E. How'd the draft go? I dominated, I think.
Yeah?
I had Blutman and Ebo.
Here's the draft.
We did a strategy.
Justin Jefferson?
Yeah.
Got our guy.
We did a strategy where we drafted guys that are hurt
who are going to come back.
Fresh.
Yeah.
Nick Chubb, Keaton Mitchell, Jordan Addison, not hurt.
Is he hurt?
He's hurt.
No.
From what I hear, he's going to be fine
okay yeah so here's the draft
I was also if you can notice
there's a little
emojis next to pics
I figured out how to add emojis
to people's pics
so I was just adding poop
to a lot of their pics
that's really annoying
any bear got a thumbs up you got to scroll scroll to the right
uh yeah see you can see where you can see almost exactly where i started to figure out the poops
yeah pitman short love yeah yeah i think it was mike Mike Evans was and I was like oh the poops
work so yeah it was good
it's good you run you run
a tight ship Che
I do these guys love the rules and I
I'm here to enforce them
do they love the rules
oh they do oh
right after right after the draft the people were
complaining people didn't draft defenses
which was discussed on the Zoom.
Was that against the rule?
You just have to have one for week one.
So they drafted, hurt guys, put them on IR, and picked up defenses.
Oh, that's a sound strategy.
That's very smart.
Is Gunner upset that you didn't try to get him in this league, Che?
A few of them mentioned it when they came,
but not about being upset or anything like that,
but just like that.
Should you ask him?
I'm just...
Why don't you text Gunnar?
Text him right now.
Saying what?
Be like, hey, man, we had our fantasy draft
with Major League Baseball players,
and I really screwed up not inviting you this year.
I mean, I'm not fully in charge of that.
Dave vacated a spot.
Yeah, but no, send him that text.
Actually, no, no, no.
Don't send that text.
Send him, hey, Gunnar,
there's this five-year-old
in my neighborhood.
Yeah.
Who I think might be next up.
Mind if I send you some video?
No, don't even do that.
Just bring it up.
There's a kid that lives
in my neighborhood
that's really good at baseball
yeah send just that
say there's a kid in my neighborhood who's really good at
baseball he's 5 yo 5-0
there's a kid in my baseball
comma max
comma and he's really good at baseball
thought you'd want to know.
Writing text for Steven is like my favorite.
Oh, it's the best.
It's the absolute best.
Do you think he's nervous for dad today?
Yes.
It's the first one he could never come at.
I submitted it to Quigs on Saturday, so I'm ready. So do you think you can't get a nut off?
Is that going to affect your focus?
I mean, the work's been done.
So, no.
I feel good.
Oh, you submitted your data before the surgery?
Just in case something went wrong?
Just after it, yeah.
Steven, why'd you go through that whole surgery
when you could have just gotten your Ziploc bag of chess
and walked around with that?
That's way more effective.
The best birth control ever.
Literally, you could have done the exact same thing.
Yeah, exactly.
That was your first vasectomy.
Want to play some chess?
Ziploc bag. Hold up the bag.
Okay, so what day is it since the surgery?
Have you looked at your penis?
Five.
Five days.
Yeah, today's five days.
Have you been feeling anything?
It's a little
tight. I feel pretty much
better now. What is tight?
What could possibly be tight?
I gotta sit down pretty low.
I mean, there's stitches in my scrotum.
Oh.
Do you have to get them taken out?
I have a follow-up on Monday.
I think they
dissolve.
Yeah. But yeah, I mean, my nuts are I have a follow-up on Monday. I think they dissolve.
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean, my nuts are Vaseline-ed up.
Wait, right now you have Vaseline nuts?
Yep.
Have you applied at the office yet?
No.
But you'll have to, right?
Maybe.
We'll see how it goes.
What are you doing?
Are you pulling out your Vaseline?
His nut Vaseline. Oh, man.
Tiny.
So Thursday's the big day?
Weekend nut?
From talking to people that have gone through it,
they're like, you'll know when you're ready.
Are you sure?
Do you feel like you're ready right now?
You told me, also on the Zoom call with the guys,
that he woke up rock hard this morning.
That's what I wanted to know, yeah.
You told that to the guys?
Yeah, yeah, he told that to the guys.
He said, I woke up rock hard.
And then almost in the next sentence, asked one of them for a selfie.
It was quite something.
That timeline is accurate. Oh i love steven chay
are you are you prepared for the first nut like what if it's i think i'm a little
right now no but i i think i'll be fine in you know two or three days and what halloween is
the deadline and we're gonna we're gonna it happen. What color other than red for blood
would be the most concerning nut
to have on your first nut?
I think black would be tough.
Black.
I mean, green.
Green would be pretty.
Green would be funny.
That would make me laugh.
Purple would be hilarious.
Green, purple, or orange.
A lighter purple.
Yeah, like a lavender.
A lavender would be hilarious.
Black would be bad. Yeah. Ooh. Ah. Yeah, like a lavender. A lavender would be hilarious. A black would be bad.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Ah.
Yeah.
I'm a little bit nervous about that, so we'll see.
I'll report back.
Is it going to...
Let me know if this is me prying a bit too much.
Is this going to be just a you endeavor?
First one, yeah.
I think I got to test the pipes, you know?
Sure.
Have you picked out the vid?
Genre?
I got some favorites.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
What are you into? We're getting a little pretty classic stuff, nothing crazy.
What do you mean classic?
Classic.
Missionary?
He's talking about his video.
Yeah.
It's Tampa Bay highlights. Yeah. Big T'sary? He's talking about his video. Yeah. It's Tampa Bay highlights.
Yeah.
Big T's or big A's?
Why have one when you can have both?
Oh, you got double bigs.
What clothing is the male wearing in this video?
Oh, I'm afraid of what he's going to say.
I don't think any.
Oh, it just starts naked. A a start we're not watching any starts okay
were you afraid it was gonna be a plaid short wearing flash long plaid short
long plaid short pornos you know that guy is the wackest looking dude in the
mismatched color he looks so whack and then he has like a 14 yellow and green
plaid shorts yeah it's an insane fit ill-fitting polo tee yeah
yeah horrible haircut horrible haircut maybe a puka shell necklace then 14 it's unbelievable
just the most beautiful cock i've ever seen and then you realize that
yeah the style doesn't matter picture perfect cock oh my word
yeah i feel like those guys they can they can wear whatever they want thank you chuck
that's i tell the ladies it's always the guy loitering outside 7-eleven we found out that
donnie's brother was the one who was making all the iced coffee,
so we have a problem here.
So, yeah, people were just standing around the empty pitchers this morning.
We're so helpless.
We didn't know he was such a glue guy.
A huge glue guy.
Yeah.
And he was only a freshman in college.
Oh, other Donnie left?
Yeah.
He just finished his freshman year.
I didn't know he was that young.
He's not.
I didn't either.
He played hockey.
Oh, yeah.
He's one of those. Yeah. So he's a 21-year Donnie Jr. I didn't know he was that young. He's not. He played hockey. Oh, yeah.
He's one of those.
Yeah.
So he's a 21-year-old sophomore.
That rocks.
He's just buying everyone beer.
Yeah, he's the most popular guy.
And he's good looking.
Very.
Well, he's a Donnie.
He's a Donnie.
Donnies are all good looking.
Did he end up living on that ledge the whole summer?
I think he did. He stayed up there?
He did, yeah.
That's impressive.
Oh, hey, Tommy.
Smoke's in the house. Whoa, you look like you just woke up no i thought he looked cool something yeah wherever you want
hey tom what's up brother what's up guys good to see you how are you just wanted to say hey and
see what's going on uh i'm good i was about to do a podcast with eddie and i left i said big cat
text me oh no no no no no i'll stay here i'll stay here i didn't know what like 10 minutes okay yeah i'll stay for i'll do whatever what's what's with your
nervous energy i just didn't know you know i felt like it was in a tough i didn't want to come on
here earlier and then i started to do with eddie just forget it how's everybody doing good pretty
good man yeah really good uh everybody's excited you're here you were doing the rounds just like
standing in the doorway waiting for people yeah i you. Yeah, I could feel a real energy.
Who was the most excited and least excited to see you?
Titus and Donnie were pumped when I did that joke.
I said, oh, Officer Boyle, Officer Ray, a reference to our movie from the film festival.
Who won the finished second?
I don't remember where we finished.
And people loved that.
I don't think anybody was not excited, really.
It's good.
I mean, it's football season.
Advisors, first episode of Advisors tomorrow.
It feels like the start of a new year today.
You haven't bothered me to send the games yet?
Yeah, I just figured you'd get to that eventually.
I was trying to go through, trying to predict which ones you'd probably do.
What do you got?
Well, obviously we'll do the Sunday night game.
I think we'll probably do Cowboys-Browns.
Okay. I think we'll probably maybe Cowboys-Browns. Okay.
I think we'll probably maybe do Steelers-Falcons.
And I think we might do Colts-Texans and then Jaguars-Dolphins.
Or we might do Patriots if Dave is on.
Dave is on.
So that was kind of where my thought process was at.
That's a good thought process.
Yeah, or we might do Bears because you're a Bears fan
and they have optimism for the year.
Yeah, I don't think Bears –
Titans gets the people going.
Titans is going to make the list.
I think it's going to be the most exciting game.
Oh, really?
Because of Caleb Williams.
Yeah, but it's – you know, advisors is a national audience.
Yeah.
Still, I think.
You think it should make it to the list?
I'm excited to see will levis too
yeah will levis is good i think so it was playing guess i'd ask when he was 13 years old
yeah he's a huge toy yeah he told us that he's overwhelmingly big
are you no he is are you he is very muscular i saw just a screenshot of him on the bus
Okay
He's huge
It seems like you're
I don't
I look at physiques and he's gigantic
For a quarterback
Okay
Cause you know
I do
Okay
Yes I've seen Because you know. I do. Okay.
Yes, I've seen.
No crazy takeaways from that one.
No, not really.
How's everything going in New York, Tommy?
Good.
No complaints really.
I was in Nashville this weekend.
Oh yeah, for what?
Just for fun.
How often are you in Nashville?
It's my third time this year. Okay. Not too much. Yeah, things are good. How are you in nashville my third time this year okay not not too much um yeah
things are good how's everything how are you guys great pretty good tommy thank you for asking thank
you for asking what what who did you go to nashville for just just fun yeah just some high
school friends who wanted to do a they're still in high school yeah yeah yeah tommy's high school
friends are about to be ninth grade and uh yeah they were
like we've never been to nashville let's go i said great you might have some trouble getting
into the bars but oh you know we own the bar still bar so i should be able to be okay yeah
you pulled strings did you do that did you were you the big man yeah i mean they're only big man
didn't you yeah i said oh come on i know i know a did you cut the line uh yeah did you get set up uh
there there were no tables but we were just in the area like i didn't want a table it was only
four of us and also they were sold out because dj paulie d was there but we were just hanging
out but you cut the line uh so we actually got in when there was no line and then they cleared
out the whole place because they were they didn't clear you did not clear out oh tommy it was big that's huge yeah i work at the company so i saw your video with dave that
was awkward i yeah people just can't get enough tnd though they want us to uh spend a weekend
together indeed yeah tommy and dave yeah i that. Yeah, I thought if we could maybe spend a weekend together at one of his houses, it would be a fun video.
Yeah, that would be.
It would.
Yeah.
Very fun.
Do you think you could get that to happen?
He was firm no.
He was as firm no as he's ever been.
How'd you sweeten the pot?
I don't know how to sweeten it.
If he doesn't have fun.
Yeah, wait.
You don't have anything to offer.
Oh, he has plenty.
Just a good time.
Winning personality.
We could make some jokes.
I mean, we're all having a great time.
Yeah.
This has been awesome.
The video of you trying to get interviewed by the new york street influencer guy
yeah it was so good a throwback it was an oldie but a good yeah which one i had never seen it
ted czar he's the original one like the what do you do for a living guy i really would like to
get on one of those not yet or like the uh apartment one yeah show up by my apartments
i've scripted everything i would yeah would you i would
have been ready what about somebody that asks what you're listening to do you have a song that
you would say if it's not something that did happen like the biggest dude asked me weren't
you in a grocery store that was a different that was a prank panicked yeah i said some
shit by flume it's a good song but some minds Actually it was a good answer He never posted it
Then he asked me
Who my favorite
Asian artist was
And that
That was tougher
Than you think
What'd you say?
I said
Jai Wolf
But what would you have said?
BTS
That's the only one I can think of right now.
William Mongey.
Oh, yeah.
Steve Aoki.
That Indian rapper that was raised in Houston.
What's the new lead singer?
Psy.
Psy.
Moment of Psy.
Let's take a moment of Psy.
Oh, oh, oh. Moment of sigh Let's take a moment of sigh Alright well good to see you Tommy
Should I leave?
I feel bad for Eddie
He brought you a podcast
Yeah but I'll do whatever people tell me
I'll do whatever anyone tells me to do more firmly
You said come to the act
Eddie said do you want to do a podcast
I said yes What was the podcast were you drafting? No it was Free Swim tells me to do more firmly you said come to the act eddie said do you want to do a podcast i said
yes what was the podcast were you drafting no it's free swim okay go do it you want to play
jeopardy oh yeah now we got them okay yeah now we got them how do we play steven we don't you do
yeah time to play anything in the archive steve archive, Steve? Jeopardy? Yeah.
All right, let me come up with something.
What level do you guys want?
Actually, wait.
You didn't see, obviously, anything we did last week with Jeopardy?
I don't think so.
Okay.
We could just run one back because then he won't know.
Just have Tommy play?
Yeah.
Let's run back.
Waist high.
And you have to come up with a question.
This is a Stephen Che opinion.
Wait, no, let's not.
Che can think of a thing about it.
Give me like one minute.
We got to give the man a tiny bit of cred.
Yeah, true.
So the way it works is waist high was the prompt,
and the answer that you had to get to was what Stephen Che thinks is the
perfect height for a bicycle seat.
Yeah.
Okay.
That was the easiest one.
Yeah.
That's like how far from the ground?
Yeah.
But it's all like the most impossible one that we ever had that we actually didn't run because it was so hard.
The answer was thick.
Okay. And you had to guess what the answer was thick okay and you had to get guess what the question was so we can just do this one with tommy yeah perfect or the best type of butt you'll never get this it's a it's a
we'll give you it's a product titus you can chime in because you didn't see this yeah i did not see this preference for a type of product milkshake type not even close i'll even tell you it's hygienic toothpaste no hair product no
thick uh think so far outside the box that the box is in sight.
Soap?
Nope.
I guess that's pretty in.
You were really hot.
Think opposite, almost.
Think the opposite of hygienic?
No.
The opposite of the answer.
Of what you're thinking of.
So what I'm trying to think is a hygienic product that could come in different variants.
Correct.
Not really.
A blow dryer.
No.
Think thin hygienic products.
A toothbrush, I mean.
Toothpick.
Thinner.
Think of like the thinnest thing.
Yes.
He likes thick.
The answer is toothpaste preferred variety of floss.
Impossible. Who do you want me to send the thing to? He likes thick. The answer is Steve Chase preferred variety of floss.
Impossible.
Who do you want me to send the thing to?
No, just say it.
We'll all try to guess. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah.
Say the answer.
Glass bottle.
Favorite way to have Coke.
No.
It's never that.
It's never that.
Number one thing you've wanted to pull from the ocean.
No, sorry.
Should I be doing like hot or cold or just yes or no?
Hot, cold.
Hot, cold.
Oh, there's levels.
Glass bottle.
Favorite thing to throw a football at.
No.
Cold.
Things a homeless person has thrown at you?
A homeless person threw a glass bottle at you.
Cold.
Favorite sound?
Oh.
Cold.
That's what I was going to say.
Shit.
Instrument or something.
Favorite.
Favorite.
Favorite piggy bank type variety.
Cold.
The glass bottle.
Favorite bar.
Mm.
Uh, cold.
I don't even know what that means.
It sounds like the name of a bar.
Yeah, the glass bottle. It's a cool name.
Smoky. I don't even know what that means. It sounds like the name of a bar. Yeah, the glass bottle. It's a cool name. Smokey?
Instruments?
Something with instruments?
Your favorite thing to look at when you're in an antique store?
Cold.
There's been one guest that I did not grade
that is in the ballpark.
What was it?
It was Tommy's first guest.
Way to drink coke?
Favorite way to drink beer?
No.
So he said just in the ballpark.
Oh, I know it. You do? I know it.
You do?
Say it.
I have it.
No, no, no. I don't want to hear it.
I have it.
I have it.
I'm playing it fair.
Titus, so help me God.
All right, Kyle, your bet.
I have it.
I think I might have it.
Favorite mouth feel?
No.
I really think I might have it.
I think I do too.
Your favorite
mechanism for ketchup?
Yes!
Yes!
That wasn't what I was going to say.
That's a question.
That's the wrong answer.
That's why I knew that's what Che would think.
You and H2R.
What's the worst fucking way to store ketchup? Yeah. That's why I knew that's what Che would think. Yep. You and R2 are. Yeah.
Wow.
Like, what's the worst fucking way to.
Get the knife in there.
Che, why is that your favorite?
It's so annoying.
I hate that.
You got to hit it. That was very fun.
You like it?
Oh, yeah.
Jeopardy is electric.
I would go one more.
All right.
Yeah, go one more.
All right, give me a second.
Do you want easier or harder than that or same thing?
Harder.
Way harder.
Way harder?
Way harder.
So Lucas doxxed his number last week, and we played Jeopardy with the –
we, like, called people because everyone – like, he had 4,000 texts,
so we just would call random numbers.
And we actually had someone win who came in and did the gauntlet.
Wow.
Yeah.
There's a guy in New Jersey who also has a free gauntlet.
I would like to try the gauntlet again at some
point. Not today, but tomorrow.
Sounded like you wanted to do it today.
What were you going to say, TJ? Was Lucas good at
typing at least? No.
Terrible. Terrible at typing.
Horrendous at typing.
He's not a smart guy.
There's a word for it I love him
I love him but man
yeah why do you love him
um
mhm
do I love him no
yeah I guess I don't
I guess I don't love him you're right
you're right I do not love him
hmm
what is this happy birthday big dog I guess I don't love him. You're right. You're right. I do not love him. Hmm.
What is this?
Happy birthday, big dog.
Thank you, Che.
Yo, there's a kid in my neighborhood who's really good.
He is five.
Scouts are already on the way.
Love him.
All right, send back.
Send back.
Also, I got a vasectomy last week.
Ouchie.
Wait, does Gunnar want to give a date for when you think you'll have your 50th bust?
Oh, yes.
Yes, ask him.
Yes.
How old is he?
What?
Above 18.
Well, like, does he, like, I don't know. He's probably, like, 23.
Everyone knows what a vasectomy is.
I didn't know that there was, like, sperm in it for 50 bucks is I didn't know that there was a That there was like
Sperm in it for 50 bucks
I didn't know that
But they do vasectomies
They do the commercials all the time
Like during March Madness
He'll know
If you listen to sports radio
If you watch any sports game
There's definitely vasectomy
I feel like it's big on sitcoms
Michael Scott The dads are definitely vasectomy. I feel like it's big on sitcoms. Yeah. Yeah. Shows reruns of TV.
Michael Scott.
Yeah.
The dads are getting vasectomies.
What sitcom are you working on these days?
By the way, you are a moron.
I actually am mad at you.
I know what you're going to say.
I'm mad at you right now.
You're a fucking moron.
I mean, it's mainly a joke.
Veep is one of the best shows ever.
It is seriously one of the funniest shows ever.
Wait, you're anti-Veep?
No.
All I said was- You said Veep's not good? No, I did not shows ever. Wait, you're anti-Veep? No, all I said was...
You said Veep's not good?
No, I did not say that.
No, he said that Veep is overrated?
He said something worse.
He said he doesn't watch shows that he can't see himself in.
I get that.
Veep literally has Gary and Jonah.
You are two characters in Veep.
I watch a lot of shows.
In an ideal world, I get to watch a show.
It's not even just sexist.
You could say it's racist, homophobic. I like to watch a show with shows in an ideal world i get to watch a show it's not even just sexist you could
say it's racist homophobic i like to watch a show great straight white male in his late 20s that
lives in new york city then i could imagine that i'm the guy uh but i don't that's not that's just
the ideal type of show but i'll watch other shows i'm watching sex in the city right now they're
girls veep is so funny dude no i did watch a couple episodes. It is funny. It's incredible.
Is Veep joke after joke extremely well written?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I want to watch it.
I like that there's no laugh track.
I'll say it.
I think Veep is funnier than Curb.
Is it funnier than Arrested Development?
It's in the same vein.
Yeah.
Similar.
I like it more than Arrested Development.
Okay.
I'll watch it.
It's a show you're inclined to pause
and chew on the joke they just made
like you're watching like god damn
I almost don't laugh when I watch
Veep because I'm like tipping my
I'm watching it to tell my appreciation
god damn it
you're the down feeder kid
yeah or like
even though like it will be one of those shows where i'll rewind
just to laugh again yeah wow like it's that funny i'll watch it tonight for you guys it's so good
it's so funny yeah watch the watch the whole series just tonight yeah just fine
are you the new madden is out are you doing a do you guys know the fantasy oh yeah i i didn't do
it last year i might i might fire it back up this year. I left on a really good note.
I was the quarterback of the Jets.
I think I started dating.
For people who don't know, this is not Tommy playing Madden.
This is Tommy having an Excel doc of where he puts other life things
that his quarterback does.
Yeah.
Your quarterback named Tom.
You're not actually playing the game.
I play the game, but I play in the mode where you only control the play.
So I'm only the quarterback.
Right.
And I don't want to be unrealistic and throw the ball every time.
I try to have a pretty 60-40 pass-to-run offense.
But, yeah, and then I do a post-game press conference in my head after every game.
And then in the offseason, I got to go on a Practical Jokers one year.
I had a brief cameo in a movie with Paul Rudd and I want to say James Franco.
Wow.
I date some of the hottest
chicks you can ever fuck. Have you ever gotten in
trouble?
I think I was going to too many clubs in
New York City when I was on the Jets.
Wait, these are things you can do in the game.
No, no. He writes these down.
What?
These are things you do in your head. What do you mean? How did you do
them? I just thought about it.
I just thought about it. I love that. That's how you do in your head. What do you mean? How did you do them? I just thought about it. You just thought? I just thought about it.
I love that.
That's how you make the game fun.
You're racking your brain trying to figure out what actor it was.
It was Paul Rudd, and I want to say James Franco, but I'll have to double check.
Just saying.
Yeah, you think about it maybe when you're in the shower,
when you're walking to and from work.
Eliminate the middleman.
Don't even put the disc.
I know.
I'm thinking about maybe just playing the whole games
in my head this year running around my apartment
and passing it and stuff.
Sometimes the games don't go
how I want them to go.
I want to lose more games than I lose.
I win a lot.
I'm on Allmatic, but
my god, am I good.
Good God.
Defense is too good.
What's the best city to be a little above average quarterback in?
I think Nashville's probably up there.
New York.
New York is not the worst.
A little bit above average would be terrible.
I think Nashville might be a good answer.
Minnesota. Chicago's not terrible if you're a little above average would be terrible i think nashville might be a good answer minnesota
chicago's not terrible if you're a little above above average they're content that's the best
quarterback we've ever had true yeah the vikings i think are content with just above average then
you live then you live in cleveland so we're talking about your life off the field quality
of life and how you're embraced by the fans. Chargers quarterback?
Oh, yeah.
Live in L.A.
Yeah.
You can't be somewhere where they've had – Yeah, but I want to have a true fan base.
Yeah, are you appreciated if you're –
Like, I wouldn't say Denver.
You still want to be a hero.
You still want to be a hero.
Not Elway.
Yeah.
You want to still have, like, that heroic energy.
Yeah, this is something I think about when I'm choosing my team.
Like, not sell out.
Like, I want to make sure I'm appreciated in this city.
And when you're, like, 65 and going back to games to be honored,
like, you want to go back.
The Saints.
Do you really want to go back to that city?
The Saints are pretty aggressive, right, the fans?
What about Carolina?
That's good.
You want passion.
Carolina.
Their fan base is A.
No, like, you basically Jake DeLome.
Yeah.
I would love that.
Can't be Dallas.
No. Can't be Dallas. No.
Can't be Pittsburgh.
No.
Seattle?
Philly before they won a title, kind of.
If you were like Don McNabble, they kind of pulled out.
Atlanta?
They never win anything.
Could be like a Matt Ryan.
I guess not as good as Matt Ryan.
Matt Ryan was really good, yeah.
Yeah.
That's a good question.
I always like to go somewhere where I can bring itago it might be like jake oh it is jake cutler definitely has like he's more loved now by
bears fans than when he was here right the answer is he's got there's been like a like
like we really fucked up we didn't't realize he was the best we had.
Yeah, I just wouldn't be able to put myself on the Bears this year
because of Caleb Williams.
I would never win the starting job.
I have to go somewhere realistic.
Have a little confidence in yourself.
How about your starting quarterback?
Yeah, Giants.
I could probably.
No, I'm saying how about him?
Daniel Jones.
Nice guy.
First and foremost.
Exactly. That's what you want in a quarterback.
First and foremost, a great guy.
We'll see.
He's got an offensive line this year.
He's got a true number one receiver.
You don't know that yet.
Oh, yeah, neighbors, I know.
Oh, you know?
Yeah.
You watched a lot of LSU last year?
I was, yeah, I chewed on a lot of tape.
And then, yeah, preseason he looked good too.
I watched a lot of preseason at LSU.
It's all I watch.
Che, do you have another one?
Yes.
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me this morning he was gonna be 15 minutes late i'm happy for him that he got his baby back.
Yeah.
But if it's going to be taken away from the Yak and mostly sports.
Yeah.
It just hurts.
Yeah, I think that's really what it is.
It just hurts.
We just kind of realize where we fall.
Right.
The pecking order.
Should we make this show more inviting for him?
Yeah.
Be nice to him?
We should get him a different chair.
Like a lazy boy.
What if we start wrestling?
Interesting.
We start talking wrestling.
Only talk wrestling.
Let's get him a chair masseuse
for tomorrow on the show.
Like a person?
Yeah.
I would do that. I'd splurge get them rubbed down yeah yeah rub them down i can do it okay tommy will do it uh all right ready che got an update first oh wait wait
oh oh yeah i want to zoom in and confront him he's on the show today which is rare because
he's in nyc usually i'll let you all tell me i like you let him know i'm watching and waiting
for a response tommy that is gunner henderson, no, I know. I don't like Gunnar Henderson because he's on the Orioles and he's really good.
But I respect him.
Don't look at us.
He's a friend of ours.
I know.
And I'm a friend of yours.
Who do you guys like more?
Gunnar Henderson.
No.
That's a tough one.
That's a tough question.
Not even close.
Tommy or Gunnar.
Everybody take some time today.
Gunnar.
All day, every day.
Tommy who?
Let's not make any raps.
I would throw you to the trash so fast.
That's a tough one.
Maybe by the end of the show, everybody will have an answer.
He's younger.
He's cooler.
Really handsome.
He is handsome.
He knows how to play along.
He's played along with Che.
Tommy doesn't. You guys are talking about Gunner now. Gunner. He has a to play along. He's played along with Che. Tommy doesn't.
You guys are talking about Gunner now.
Gunner.
He has a really comforting energy, not one that makes me feel super anxious.
Very sure of himself.
Awesome name.
Yes.
Awesome name.
He never cuts the line at bars.
Is the name too much?
No.
It's actually, he could go more.
If he was Gunner Gunner, I would actually be down for that.
How different do you think my life would be if my name was Gunner?
Gunner smokes?
That would be sick.
A lot different.
Apologize to him.
Just say sorry.
I feel like he should respect it.
No.
You wished bodily harm to him.
I didn't want him to die.
Ah, you kind of did.
You wanted him to get hit I wanted the
I felt that Aaron Judge was getting unfairly thrown at and in baseball that's an unwritten
rule you throw out their best player then too I don't want him hurt for the long term
withering in pain is it yeah that's a bad if you get hit with a pitch you're withering in pain no
not necessarily you get hit but not yeah most you just walk it off well I wanted to wither
yeah so you wish bodily harm to him, so apologize to him.
I don't know if I can.
I did apologize.
I did my atonement when I got hit in the nuts with the.
Yeah, but you never really got hit in the nuts.
No, I did.
I want you to get hit by a 99-mile-an-hour fastball.
No, I'm sorry, Gunnar.
Are you worried?
There it is.
But I hope you guys there it is
a lot of the games
the rest of the year
there's that smokes edge
bad boy
alright Shay
okay
I have a medium
and a very hard
we want the very hard
they're all the same
difficulty for us
I think
we just don't go very hard. We want the very hard. They're all the same difficulty for us, I think.
We just don't... Go very hard.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Every night.
Tommy, would you like to start?
Or Matt, why don't you start?
The first two words to your favorite Celine Dion song.
No.
Damn.
Cold.
Every night.
Floss. Every night. Floss.
You floss.
That's
How many of you are
No, but it's somewhat in the
ballpark. Okay.
How often you, when you shower?
No.
Colder.
Floss is in the ballpark.
How often you wash your face? No. Cooler. Loss is in the ballpark. How often you wash your face?
No, cooler.
This is the very hard one?
Yes.
You gargle mouthwash?
No, no change.
Sunscreen? sunscreen at night
I was thinking outside the box
I like that
you q-tip your ears
no
slightly cooler
it's really bad
for your ear canal what could he possibly uh vacuum your carpets vacuum carpets every night. That's crazy. I don't know.
How often do you drink iced tea?
Nope.
Scrape your tongue.
Colder.
It might not be a hygienic thing then.
I guess that's even with the rest.
How often do you charge your phone?
Cooler.
So it's a hygienic thing?
You go to bed.
What is it?
You said the mouth,
is it hygienic?
Technically, no.
Technically, no.
Okay, I feel like
you're one of the guys,
you take a single square
of toilet paper and you wipe the tip of your penis.
That is common.
That does feel like a chain move, right?
What?
He actually, no, no.
I'd like to change this.
You plug your penis hole before you go to bed.
Oh.
Okay.
Titus, do you do that?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, I do it.
I wouldn't say every night
No once a week
No tripage
You should try it Steven
So it's not quite hygienic
But it kind of is
So it's something like unnecessary
Due to the skin or body
Does it involve
I'm pissed off now
Oh my god
Is it something that like you do
Every one of these is
Yeah
Right
It's not like how often Jeopardy airs
So it's not technically hygienic
So is it maybe like a hair thing
Yeah is it shaving related
Not shaving related
Combing your hair Is it skin related? Not shaving related.
Combing your hair? Is it skin related?
Not skin related.
What's going on?
Come in here.
This is live.
Yeah.
How we doing?
Dude, what's up?
Good to see you.
Yeah, that's Brandon.
He used to be on this show.
He's not on this show anymore.
I was on his show just now.
How'd he do?
He did good.
He's got a great show.
Tony Khan's here we're trying to
guess uh oh yeah Tony you're gonna have to play this game um hey guys what's what's the what you
got a water guy yeah uh it's my pr slash water slash friend all right just hold the water for
him he's very versatile what what's where's the cap on the water i crushed it
while i was on brandon's show because i thought his questions were so mind-numbing
i want to ask the water guy a question come here he's good danny he's good people
he's a he's a licensed pr guy licensed p how do you get licensed in pr
oh you get a degree where's the cap i didn Oh, you get a degree. Where's the cap?
I crushed it.
I literally crushed the cap.
Oh, you crushed the cap.
I crushed it.
Brandon was talking about how he hadn't seen Sudden Death with Jean-Claude Van Damme, and
I thought that was very-
That's crazy.
I agree with you.
Thank you.
That's crazy he hasn't seen it.
How do you work here and not see Sudden Death with Jean-Claude Van Damme?
Have you guys-
We need to get you a cap.
He's got me.
Okay. Yeah. How's got me. Okay.
Yeah.
How thirsty is Tony?
Yeah.
I haven't seen much of a dent in it.
I mean, to be honest, I was just getting started on it,
and I kind of did a cameo on Brandon's wrestling show.
And while I was in there, we started talking about movies,
and as you know, Brandon's seen a lot of 90s movies.
He hadn't seen Sudden Death or Time Cop,
which seems like very off-brand for Brandon.
Yes, I'd agree with that.
Wait, I have one last question.
What's the worst...
What's the thing you wake up and you're like,
if this happens, my PR, like, red alert,
if Tony does this? Tony, i don't really worry like that i'm just ready to roll ready to roll with the punch has he ever been
hacked not that i recall have you at least since i've been i can't recall not that i can recall
that's a good no good pr answer i do not recall i have a question for Danny. Can I please have some water? Yes.
Danny, I like you, Danny.
He's a great guy. I like you.
Let's go, Dan. Is that a Michigan hat or
Missouri? Yeah, it's Mizzou. I thought
it was Mizzou.
Alright, so Tony, we're playing a game.
Can someone else explain it to him?
There's something that
Steven does every night.
Steven Che right there. He's our weirdest Steven does every night. There's a man by the name of Steven. Steven Che right there.
He's our weirdest guy in the world.
It's a game called Jeopardy.
His last name's Che.
He gives us an answer, and we have to come up with a question.
So, for instance, what's the one we just did?
He said glass bottle.
Yeah, glass bottle.
Favorite type of ketchup.
Yeah.
So, right now, or the the other day he said thick,
and the question was, what is Steven's preferred dental floss?
Now you get it.
Now you get it.
Steven, I'm going to go check your lymph nodes.
Oh.
Right now the prompt is every night.
Colder.
Every night.
So the question is what he does, something he does.
And flossing is in the ballpark.
In the ballpark.
Do you want me to give a hint?
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
It's for a set period of time,
like a set number of years
or something like that.
Years?
Say a prayer?
No.
I'm assuming he means minutes.
Set number of years?
Years?
I don't,
that,
that,
that may be, like it's Like, it's not for life.
Like, I...
How often do you wear a retainer?
Bingo.
Oh!
Got it.
Good job, Tommy.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
That was excellent.
That makes sense, Tony.
It's pretty fun, right?
It's a blast.
You ever think you'd be playing Jeopardy?
I think that's pretty cool.
Oh, yeah. Right on.
Oh, good job, TJ.
Look at that.
Are you enjoying your body armor?
Don't move too fast.
Good work, Teej.
I didn't know I committed that sin of off-brand water.
There's no chance in hell Lucas is doing that.
I would love to drink body Armor, by the way.
I would love some of that.
So, you know, pour it all over me.
You guys can Gatorade bath me in Body Armor.
So how was Brandon's wrestling?
It's a great show.
He's on this show, by the way.
He's not right now.
Yeah, no, he's supposed to be, and now he just isn't.
Yeah, he's over there with Lawrence Cassidy.
He's with one of the great A-W stars.
Okay.
That's what they're doing over there.
Oh, are they finishing?
It looks like they're wrapping up.
So Brandon's probably heading this way.
Oh, yeah.
Here he comes.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
All right.
So, Tony, I got a couple questions for you.
Yes, sir.
One, actually, Stephen, can you give us one day-to-day nugget while Tony's here?
A preview?
You're a movie guy, right?
You like movies?
I love movies.
Do you like Rush Hour?
Yeah.
Do you like Rush Hour 2?
Yeah, not as much.
Okay.
Che?
You are familiar with Rush Hour?
I'm familiar with Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2.
Chris Tucker?
Yeah.
All right, I have a Chris Tucker impression.
Oh, thank you.
God damn!
What did you think?
Seven.
Okay.
Okay.
Seven.
Wait, so Tony, I want to talk about the wrestling
because you've got some big shows coming up in the area,
but Stephen, can you say what data day?
Oh, would you look at that?
140. 140. what data day oh would you look at that 140 i just want to apologize uh i do think it was not right what y'all did during my mariah may
interview what did they do good apology brandon good apology i accept your apology brandon you
said you were going to be 15 minutes late to the act. I was.
I apologize.
Apology.
I accept it.
Thank you.
I can tell it's heartfelt.
That's why I accept it.
I didn't know that I was going to interview both Orange Cassidy and Mariah Mae,
and I did.
And it was wonderful, and I appreciate them for their time.
Did you ask good questions?
I did.
Did you bring up the single firework that he gets?
No, I didn't.
Oh, it's my favorite thing.
That's awesome.
Yeah, Nick's kind of our wrestling guy.
That single firework might have been his idea.
Was that your idea?
No.
Okay.
No, that was not my idea.
My bad.
Che, can you tell us?
So tomorrow, Che, no one ever does this in the NFL. He predicts every game and the season record for every single team.
Nice.
No one's ever done it.
Che does.
So tomorrow's data day where he's going to reveal his findings.
Can you give us a preview and tell us the Jaguars' final record for Tony?
I'm actually pretty favorable on the Jaguars.
I've made the playoffs.
Number five seed in the AFC, so the Texans winning the division. Wait, don't give us everything.
Just give us the record.
11-5.
Wow.
11-6.
Oh, you idiot.
11-6.
You idiot.
11-6, you idiot. He-6. Idiot. 11-6, you idiot.
He messes up every year.
Every year.
He just messed it up.
All right, so what do you think, 11?
Well, I think that would be a good season, possibly,
but I think we can do a lot of things this year.
We have a really good team.
That would be a good number for sure.
I think we're very capable of that.
Trevor is a great quarterback. We're really excited to have him locked up. And I think we have a great coach in Doug. And we locked up a
lot of the core franchise players. And also we added a lot of really good players in free agency.
And I think we had a really good draft and addressed a lot of the needs. It feels like
the strongest roster we've had. This is my 13th season in the nfl and i really honestly
swear this is the feels like by far the best roster we've had the best coaching staff and i
feel really good about it and we found uh the kid who got his head stuck in the jaguar statue
that's so sick man yeah he i did promise him that he would be on a float if you guys win the super
and you i think you agreed when i did i did agree yeah i would you could probably get me to agree to
a lot of stuff yeah yeah i mean that kid's a legend yeah we got exclusive yeah i it's pretty
amazing story he's definitely a local legend yeah and statue still up yeah yeah would you ever have
him come back and put his head back in it i think now that would be more dangerous because you know
his head's probably even more developed. Yeah.
Yeah. No, it would be dangerous.
He probably wouldn't be able to get it in.
All right, so what do you have coming up with the wrestling in the area?
A lot.
We have a lot of great things coming up in Chicago and on TV.
We're on TBS tomorrow night at 7 p.m. Central, 8 p.m. Eastern on TBS every Wednesday night.
We got the number one show on cable last week and many weeks on Wednesday night, Dynamite on TBS.
That show's in Milwaukee, so it's a short drive, which I shall do shortly.
And then we've got AW three-hour block coming up on Friday night
out in the suburbs on TNT.
We're doing Collision and Rampage on Friday
because this is the all-out pay-per-view weekend.
It's the first time we've done all-out the week after Labor Day weekend.
I'm really excited about it.
We were just at Wembley Stadium just over a week ago, and it was pretty amazing.
We sold over 50,000 tickets.
We had, I think, the best AEW show ever, my personal favorite AEW show ever.
And then being back here, being being back around home it's really nice
and we do all out now uh the week after labor day that's coming up saturday on pay-per-view it's
going to be a great great show swerve versus hangman in the steel cage uh brian danielson
versus jack perry pack versus will osprey and so much great wrestling on this show can i ask you
um and brandon you can chime in
because you're you're going to go to a bunch of these shows um did you see our Royal Rumble uh
case race I did not I did not see your case race would you consider possibly doing a pay-per-view
with us featured drinking a lot of beers in the middle of a ring what if i propose something right now okay i propose a pay-per-view match we could do oh uh
we could do a casino gauntlet case race okay have a different barstool personality enter every uh
let's say differing intervals i think like i'll call the interval it's going to be you know it
could be 90 seconds it could be a couple minutes it just has to feel like what makes sense it's a casino right yeah i'll i'll roll the dice and i'll tell you how long it's going to be, you know, it could be 90 seconds. It could be a couple minutes. It just has to feel like what makes sense. It's a casino, right? I'll roll the dice and I'll tell you how long it's going to be in between people. Every few minutes, I'm going to send out a different person and people will go out. And every time somebody does an entrance, everybody has to do, out and does a shot then i would say like basically keep this
going the people who are out there earlier uh are out there because they have the opportunity
to really be out there and win because say this thing could be i don't know like really you got
people entering every minute every two pretty quick people are gonna these shots are gonna
add up yeah and uh i think sooner
later somebody's gonna gonna tap and i would say that then that person is the person that uh has
to shave their head oh oh well that's i didn't think we were getting there oh i like uh buzz
cutter shiny ball that would have to be the person that taps and passes out from i can't do the shot
and you can't do the shot like they're out that's it what's the fun and and
how long is it going to take is it going to take that's the thing it's going to be you don't want
to be out there all night you want an entertaining 15 20 minutes so i'm going over you're going to
shave your head i'm going to win yeah well well let me ask you this it feels like it's like a
lucha libre concept match so it's really about like one of the it's like like a reverse battle
royal like one of those like yes the last person to escape the cage gets their head shaved.
So like that's where I feel like in this case, the last person to make it would have to get
their head shaved.
I like that.
So we have a woman on this program.
Would you be fine with her head being shaved?
Hey, Kate.
I'm a big fan.
Hey, get out of here.
Yeah, because of Chaps.
Oh, sweet.
Yeah.
Because he's my longtime guy.
That's right.
He's a big Jags guy.
He's a big Jags guy and he's a really great person. He is. This is true. Yes. Oh, that of Chaps. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Because he's my longtime guy. That's right. He's a big Jags guy. He's a big Jags guy, and he's a really great person.
He is.
This is true.
Yes.
Oh, that's so cool.
Well, Brandon.
Kate would have to shave her head.
Yeah.
If Kate's going to-
Share that, Brandon.
If she's going to participate, her hair is on the line.
And I'm telling you, Dan, this thing would sell, bro.
Yeah.
Because people love to see people get their head shaved.
Yes.
So I do think if you knew one barstool star was going to get their head shaved at the end,
and it was the person that couldn't stand the pressure,
but also somebody's going to be out.
You don't know who's going to go out first.
So it's like a lottery.
There's a lot of elements to it.
And you have so many cool personalities that each one makes their entrance,
and it would feel like a big deal.
I think it's a good idea.
You should do it.
So you like me, and you hated a question he asked so much,
you crushed a bottle cap.
Yeah.
Oh, this is a good day.
I was mad you haven't seen Sudden Death, bro.
You've got to see Sudden Death.
He hasn't seen any of his movies.
You yelled at me.
Yeah, you should see Sudden Death.
Sudden Death and then the other Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Time Cop.
Time Cop.
Just never saw him.
Sorry.
Has this ruptured our relationship forever?
No, I'm just shocked.
I just think it's very off-brand for you.
Is he bothering you?
He's a great guy.
Okay.
He's a great guy.
Eh.
I am a great guy.
Well, you just skipped out on your friends.
I didn't skip out.
I told you I was going to be 15 minutes late.
What was I, 19?
I'm sorry.
It took a while.
Yeah, yeah.
My bad.
The day got away from me.
I'm happy to see you doing your passion project.
Thank you very much.
And you backlog these, right?
So it's not like you're missing the rest of the week.
You're good.
No, I'm good.
I forgive you.
I'm just putting them.
It is good to see you finally have a show you're happy about.
I mean that seriously.
As your friend, it's exciting to see you.
These companies rarely i
mean not rarely but they come through chicago every few months and when they come through it's
good to get a couple in here yeah and be able to do uh you know you could never predict when the
act's gonna be this was they could only be here during the 12 o'clock hour they had many things
to this morning tony had a a big thing and then he's got another big thing. So you know how Tony,
that's the nature.
He's a busy guy.
Yeah,
I am.
But I love being here and anytime I can come by the office.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
And I love the new office being in Chicago.
You guys are first time.
Yeah.
The new office is my first time.
It's pretty sick,
huh?
Yeah.
And,
and by the way,
big cats invited me.
It's not,
you know,
it wasn't,
uh,
it wasn't you,
Brandon.
I did invite him.
No,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no.
I actually was the one who invited me. He was the one who texted me and invited yeah i i got
the other i got yeah but i invited tony because why wouldn't you invite the boss i like that's
crazy yeah just it's crazy not to invite him you know for everything he does for you it's where's
he sitting on wednesday night probably somewhere nice right yeah very very nice yeah a lot of
access yeah do i have a lot of access?
Yeah, you've got a lot of access. We're going to
give you big access.
Huge access?
Wait, that's good.
Big access.
Big access.
Oh, that's good.
Big access.
Put it on the list.
I'll send it to you.
Oh my God, dude, you're big access.
Do you accept that title?
Yes, I love that.
That's one of my favorite titles I've ever heard.
Big Access, Brandon Walker.
Wow.
All right, well, Tony, thank you for coming by, man.
Thanks for having me.
I hope I didn't disrupt the flow of the show.
No, no, you're good.
It's really nice to see you.
Yeah, everyone tune in to AW.
Are you leaving right now?
We're going to be done in like 15 minutes.
I'll come say hi.
Yeah, that'd be great. I'm going to hang out. You have a tune in to AW. Are you leaving right now? We're going to be done in like 15 minutes. I'll come say hi. Yeah, that'd be great.
I'm going to hang out.
All right, yeah.
You have a lot of stuff to do around here.
Hey, real pleasure to meet you.
Thanks for having me on.
Great to see you guys.
Yes.
Tony Khan, the man.
Let me do a quick ad.
Last ad.
It says Brandon has to do it.
Brandon, you have to do the better help ad.
We would have been stuck on this.
Oh, you want to do the hug?
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Did anybody else feel like he was mad at me?
Steve?
Steven, go.
Steve.
Tony's the man.
Right there.
Going to the right.
You forgot something.
You're not really going with a lot of pace here.
Tell me you forgot something.
To the right. He went to the right
Oh no
I don't know where he went
Oh I'm doing an ad right
You sure are
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Good read. It doesn't say
Brandon has to read this.
It says Brandon Walker to read if possible.
Oh, thank you.
Better help.
Shout out.
In a jellyfish shirt.
Yeah, that's cool.
That's Finding Nemo.
Are those Manowars?
No, it's just from Finding Nemo when they get caught up in the...
I thought that was an overrated movie.
Oh.
Oh. I'm serious. was an overrated movie. Oh. Oh.
I'm serious.
I love that movie.
That's a great movie.
Finding Dory's trash,
but Finding Nemo's great.
I didn't see that.
You don't like Finding Nemo?
Not really, man.
I thought it was...
I think it's a top five
Pixar joint.
Wow.
Yeah, I really do.
I'd love to hear
your top five Pixar joints.
Yeah, The Incredibles.
Toy Story 1 and 2.
I liked 3 more than 2
and
the original Cars
I thought the original Cars
was great
that's a bad top 5
you're a bad top 5
he's giving his top 5
Pixar joints
no WALL-E is ridiculous
WALL-E is ridiculous
I don't like WALL-E
WALL-E is not that rewatchable
Moana
well it doesn't need to be rewatchable
what company are you at
this isn't
we don't do rewatchables here
we do good movies.
Brandon, I'm happy wrestling is doing well.
Well, it's not really doing well.
We're getting started.
We're getting started.
And AEW has given us a lot of access so far, so thank you.
So we're going to get it going.
We just missed you, that's all.
Thank you.
I apologize.
I really thought I would be able to get here in like 15 or 30 minutes,
and it just got away from me.
You should take it as a compliment.
Were the shows good
so bad
did you gel
did you mesh
the Mariah Mae one
is really good
me and Orange Cassidy
get together very well
was it great
when we put the pictures up
it was a little awkward
she asked me
could you hear her
no
she was shocked
she said
where are your nipples at
yeah
we were too she said why do you have no n was shocked that she said where are your nipples at that yeah we were too
said why why do you have no nipples and that became really awkward because every time i
would try to move on to another topic she just wanted to talk about my nipples
yeah yeah that actually is a really disturbing picture that's a bad photo are they right on
the border they gotta be right they gotta've got to be somewhere around there.
They've got to be close.
You have to believe we're in range.
We've got to be close, guys. We are.
First nipple, at least.
Did you hear about that submarine that got crushed going down looking for Brandon's nipples?
That's right, the billionaire.
So far down.
No, it's not that far. No, that's not that far They do look like double droops
Yeah they are droopy right there
That was a long time ago
I don't remember that at all
I don't know what's going on there
Show us how much you've progressed
I'd rather not
Your nipples have raised
I've seen you shirtless
I guarantee you it's night and day.
Give me a minute.
One more month.
Where's your belly button then?
Well, that's not my...
That would have to be it, right? That's not my torso.
Well, no, but you're sitting. It's got to be a longer
torso. That's pretty accurate.
TJ, you're really good.
That's it right there.
Now draw his cock. That's it right there. Now, draw his cock.
Wait, that's too narrow.
Oh, he's wearing a dress of some sort?
All right, TJ.
What is.
Off-center cock?
Uncirced?
Oh, this is ball.
Oh, three ball.
Wait.
What the hell is that? That's hair. Oh, wait, is that the full cock? Oh, no ball. Wait. What the hell is that?
That's hair.
Oh, wait.
Is that the full block?
Oh, no.
No.
Oh, no.
You thought that was a third ball?
Yeah.
I thought that was a third ball.
Oh, no.
All right.
Good to have you back, Brandon.
Yeah, I can't believe you skipped out on this.
Yeah, what were y'all able to do for an hour and a half if I'm not here?
I was here
This is Tony Khan's cell phone
Oh shit
He left his water too
Yeah, his water
Wow, you look like a hero, Brandon
Tony
Oh, Tony
Your cell phone
I couldn't help but to notice you left this behind.
He does seem happy.
Yeah, no, I'm happy for him.
I do just miss him.
It's just, it's, it's, every time one of us gets a friend, we get jealous.
Yeah.
Right.
Just piss, and it's always Brandon that gets.
It's Brandon.
Brandon gets the most friends out of all of us.
What the fuck?
I, he, no one else gets friends.
Who else? That's true.
I don't.
I just lose friends, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't get any.
Fuck.
It's true.
Brandon is like running up the score on us with friends.
You guys are kind of all I have left.
Yeah.
Tommy, who's your best friend at the New York office?
Was he appreciative?
Yeah.
He was over appreciative.
Oh. Damn it. He said, did you walk off the show? said yeah he said fuck man i'm sorry did he give you like he said fuck a lot oh no he almost gave me money
during the interview but he didn't tell me who's your best friend in new york i mean i would say
a lot of my day is spent sitting next to glenny showing each other girls instagrams on our phones
nice this girl's hot what do you think of this girl hot that's pretty much so maybe maybe that do you find that fulfilling yeah how'd you do this
summer yeah in terms of women you know yeah uh a good start and then i've been i've been a little
bit off women recently do you have any scares or close calls? So you're like, we could have been like, oh.
No, no, not that I know of.
You basically were like, Tommy Smokes is on pace for 75 home runs.
Right, he went to slump.
Once you go in a slump, it's hard to get back on that.
You ended up with eight.
Tommy, did you see the young lady who's here?
Yeah.
Who?
The young lady that I interviewed.
Would you like to talk to her?
You should talk to her.
I don't know if I should.
Wait, what was the scare?
I mean, you know, sometimes, I mean, not a real scare, but sometimes they go, I hope
she's, you know, taking care of herself in terms of.
What?
Abortion?
No, no.
Wait, is that how we have to ask the question how you did this summer?
How many abortions did you have?
No, I've...
What's your number?
What's your literal body?
Alright, well good. I want you to be doing well.
Yeah, but right now I'm a little bit off, women.
It's just, you know, I'm focusing on...
I want to try to be healthy.
I want to go to the gym and stuff.
I can't go to the gym and be having sex with women.
Did you get jilted?
It's impossible.
What?
You get jilted or something?
What's that?
Like you're off women now.
Did something happen with the last one?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Have you had a girlfriend recently or you just kind of, you're the bachelor?
It's been a while.
Yeah.
It's been at least a couple of years.
Yeah.
Have you had a second date?
A second date?
Earlier this year.
About May, June, maybe.
I had a couple second dates.
I very rarely have two dates.
Exactly.
But if a girl gets a second date, it's probably going to go further.
Oh.
Because it's like, oh, if I didn't like her after the first date, I kind of know.
And then otherwise I could, you know, perhaps see a future with them.
Maybe we settle down and have kids one day.
Yeah,
maybe.
Yeah,
maybe.
Could be.
Yeah,
maybe.
Are you good at breaking up?
No,
just kind of,
Oh,
just,
you know,
you really asked that question.
Hope they forget.
He's not good at any interactions.
He just sends her that sound over voice text.
You want to get a drink on Thursday?
Oh my God.
If I have a daughter, I'll kill myself.
Women are fine.
What's up, Brandon?
Hey.
You thinking about the interviews?
Yeah.
You got to be present when you come back.
I'm present.
Daddy Day is tomorrow.
I'm sorry.
Already made a mistake.
You already made a mistake.
So excited.
You already said the Jaguars are going to go 11-5.
And we'll come to Museum on Thursday.
Mm-hmm.
You're not excited about that.
All right.
You and Will don't really.
Don't do this.
Don't put me against now you got now you gotta say no don't put me against will compton it's more of a taylor thing why are you
are you gonna be you want to be the first dump in that don't you i do uh you titus we forgot to
even mention camp was actually a lot of fun.
It was great.
Yeah, that feels like so long ago.
I was watching a little bit of it.
You would have had a blast.
Next year, we'll do it again.
It was so much fun.
I was very jealous.
You're going to have to get married again next year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a lot, a lot of fun.
Congrats.
Oh, thanks, Tommy.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Are you going to go to Dana's wedding?
Yeah.
Are you?
I think he invited me knowing I wouldn't go
But I'd send a nice gift
Which was such a smart move by him
Because I will send a nice gift
But you're not going to go?
I don't know, when is it?
I want to say it's next May-ish
Somewhere in that age
It's a flight
It's a flight for me, too.
I think it's in Massachusetts.
Yeah, I'll get him a nice gift.
Yeah.
I made his bachelor party.
What?
Yeah.
Where is it?
I'd rather go to his bachelor party.
A few months ago, Dana said that we're going to have to do some work for me to get an invite to the wedding.
Now I'm at the bachelor party.
Wait.
That's pretty sad for him. Wait. Do you think I could trade the wedding invite for the bachelor party invite invite to the wedding. Now I'm at the bachelor party. That's pretty sad for him.
Wait, do you think I could trade the wedding invite
for the bachelor party invite?
Probably, yeah.
Maybe.
Did he choose one of the places he went
on his bachelor party series?
He did not.
When is his bachelor party?
Maybe April-ish.
Okay, in Florida?
Yeah.
Just all of Florida?
Yeah, he's doing all of it.
We should throw him a bachelor party on the yak. Whoa. Yeah. Just all of Florida? Yeah, he's doing all of it. We should throw him a bachelor party on the yak.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Yeah, I would do a bachelor.
Kate, can you get us that stripper?
Yes.
Okay.
We should just be a case race.
We should just throw him a case race wedding party.
We should.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We should have.
That's the next case race.
I seriously want to do a thousand beer week.
He would be needed. That was another thing we were pitching
thousand beers in a week so the thousandth episode
for the Yak is like probably a hundred
or I think Connor said it was like 150 ways
so it'd be next spring sometime
and we were saying if we did
for the entire week we couldn't
finish until we finished a thousand
beers and I assume you did the math what is that it's a lot of beers we couldn't finish until we finished 1,000 beers. And I assume you did the math.
What is that?
It's a lot of beers.
We didn't do the math.
No math.
No math.
It's too many beers.
That's 200 beers a day.
Yep.
And we don't have 20 people.
And we don't have 20 people.
So it's like 15 beers a day
for what we have for five days straight.
That's a lot of beers.
It's too many beers.
That's a lot of beers.
Would you be live until you finish all the beers?
Yeah.
Per person.
We'd have to stack it.
We'd have to have everyone chip in.
I feel like the upside is huge.
What is like the worst case?
Alcohol poisoning.
We say some really fucked up shit Yeah
I think that would get
Crazy traction
I lose my
It would get crazy traction
I'm very
I want to do it
But I also don't know
How we would do it
Being live
TJ
I would recommend
Not being live
Okay
Yeah
So what we would just tape
I get
I get 20 beers and
they all start tugging my dick for sure.
That's a fact.
And 30, I'll start tugging it.
It would be funny if we did it
maybe what we do is we just do
like
we just sleep here and
we just go back live whenever we're ready to start
drinking.
We just like fire it back up. We're ready to go. So it's like we just sleep here and we're just, we just go back live whenever we're ready to start drinking. Oh my God.
We're just like fire it back up.
We're ready to go.
So it's like,
we just,
and we're just like,
you get some beds.
Yeah.
And we're just like, we're not leaving the office till we drink it.
Yeah.
A thousand beers.
Yeah.
Because like if we started,
if we started at like 7am and then you get hung over and then it's like 7pm,
let's fucking go again.
It's like the free throw challenge. Yeah's a thousand beers oh man this would be pretty fucking awesome we would need a bigger group yeah we would but not like you don't want to
overdo it obviously you don't want like 70 people no we would i think we would just call on like
you know we'd have ronan Sass and Caleb. Deutsch. Deutsch.
Oh, Deutsch.
Just put Deutsch in a corner. A fifth day Deutsch.
Is he still alive?
Yeah, Deutsch is still alive.
Oh, Deutsch would have to be in.
He's doing well.
Deutsch would just be sitting.
Yeah, we'd put him in a cage with like 700 of the beers.
It's five days.
How many people do we need?
What if we each do a 60 beer week? Yeah we each we each do a 60 beer week yeah definitely
you could do a 60 beer week so what's 60 times our
so if everyone is we need 16 people and we have i mean we have like with the booth too
so it wouldn't be that big of a stretch and And we had Deutsch. Yeah, I think we can do this.
How we would do it.
I think we can do it guestless.
How we would do it live, though, is the problem.
Could Deutsch put up a quarter of the beers?
Yes.
50 beers a day?
No, he couldn't.
I think he could.
I think Deutsch could do 250 beers. i don't think we know his limit
i don't i don't think we have the technology because before he came here for this thing he
had just finished doing what the 999 he had just come from doing three innings right yeah for the
for yeah the case race day he probably had 25 beers. At least. Yeah, at least.
Could he do that for seven straight days?
Yes, I think so.
I think he could.
I think he could.
Oh, he would make me ascend.
He is my kryptonite.
Yeah, yeah.
Deutsch, the Deutsch.
Pickles me.
We really should.
A degree unknown.
Man, now I'm thinking about we just hire Deutsch and just have him come in.
I would sign off on that.
But I want him to have like a tank, like an exhibit.
Yeah.
And you can like feed him a beer through a little hole.
What if he was just a Deutsch tank?
What if he was just the keeper of the Wilcompton Museum?
Okay.
Yeah.
He's in the stall at all times.
Yeah, just watching him.
He's just sitting there in the corner.
Yeah, Deutsch is limitless he is
possibilities are limitless
alright I gotta run to do something
should we spin the wheel
we did all the ads right
big week coming up
great to have you back Titus
oh yeah we didn't even talk about this
that was an all time clip
all in a day's work yeah those four seconds he just went in up there
just the car size is so funny it looks i don't want to buy that drive all the time yeah i just
have well well we got to track down that car because I was thinking about it.
We're still far away, but Mincy Clemmer Day will be in February.
We got to start planning.
Those two in that car.
In that car.
Funniest visual of all time.
Them racing.
We should just have them do like a hundred lap race just to decide who gets to go first.
It doesn't even count.
It doesn't count. it doesn't even count
it's just a coin toss
are we bad people?
oh yeah oh terrible
alright I'll live with that
I think the beauty of the Yak is like we're kind of
there's a little bit of like real life
always sunny involved
it's a little bit that and Seinfeld where we're like we're not morally
correct yes correct
and we're not kind to one another. No.
Yeah.
Oh, it's still a fairly laid-back situation, a dangerous situation at the same time,
because, again, the highway patrol does not want to intimidate this vehicle into doing anything that they really don't want them to do.
And the main thing is what has been going on.
Oh, man.
All right, let's spin the wheel, TJ.
All right, we're good it's been dry yeah we've been dry all right data day tomorrow everyone come ready chat we need you chat data day is just about as much about the chat as is about us
we need you we need you uh all right see everyone
thank you tommy yeah thank you
it's the act Good to be back.
Shout out to Lucas for holding it down last week.
Let's have a week.
Love you guys. Bye.