The Yak - TJ Attempts the Milk Gallon Challenge || The Yak 6-8-22
Episode Date: June 8, 2022Got Milk?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
It's really loud.
It's really loud. It's really loud.
Hello, everyone.
It is the act.
It's day one after KB's Wild, the new normal.
I know where we go from here.
I hope we land on it again.
I hope we land on it again.
Me too.
I really want to flesh it out and
make it a big thing.
Next time it's going to be a week-long
adventure.
You can do whatever you want with it.
It's KB's Wild.
How's everyone doing?
Good, Che.
Good?
I wanted to tell you
I appreciate you.
Thanks, dude.
I appreciate you.
That really meant a lot to me.
You put together a really nice show.
What is this?
What are you guys doing?
I think the fact that he was so willing to just do that.
Oh, he's down, yeah.
Yeah, he didn't even.
He has a tattoo of him.
I didn't even ask before he just got right into it.
Have you had that conversation yet, Steven, in the walls
of your house where it's like
where your wife's like, so you're just going to do anything?
I think we kind of both know
what the line is. And also she just, you know,
ignorance is bliss. Like, I'm not going to
be like, hey, I'm getting a hanging wedgie today.
Yeah, but you probably came home a little drunk.
I told her
she actually was in the city yesterday, so I told her.
I was like, hey, I'm going to need you to drive home.
It is a conversation, though, that needs to be had.
It's like, hey, it's no holds barred.
Yeah.
In this line of work of ours.
It's kind of like getting in the mafia.
You're like, listen.
It's like Godfather. Don't ask, don't tell. Yeah're like, listen. It's like Godfather.
Don't ask, don't tell.
Yeah, listen, K.
There's things that you don't want the answer to.
Yeah, exactly.
Did you sober up before you went to bed, or were you still drunk by then?
It was more just like I had a terrible tummy ache.
Oh, yeah.
That stuff was so gross.
Like I could feel it in my system.
Your tummy and your tum-tum.
Your tummy ache. tum-tum.
Zah's back.
Zah, what's up?
Where have you been?
Zah, we missed you yesterday. Good, fellas.
Good.
I was out in Vegas.
It was hot as hell.
Dude, how sick is that golf course?
That's the one we played at.
You know what?
It's crazy how the best golf courses in this country are like in places that have no water.
Yeah.
Probably not a good thing.
Yeah, probably not.
Probably not at all. But yeah, probably not. Probably not at all.
But yeah, it's insane.
They were saying that a day worth of rain can save them up to, what, 300 grand a year or something?
Wow.
So each time it rains, it's like, all right, the P&L is about to change.
But it was good, though.
It's probably not the best.
What are the people saying about that?
What's going to happen?
Twitter has gone anti-golf course.
Oh, yeah.
Get rid of all the golf course.
The water situation in that area.
I think like draining the Colorado River.
Yeah.
And they got the new golf tour, the Live Tour in Saudi Arabia.
There's one event in Saudi Arabia.
The other ones are all over the place.
We were discussing like what would your number be for your dignity to be-
77.
77,000.
That's it?
Wait, for what?
I would do the-
Live golf in Saudi Arabia for 77,000.
What is this?
I would do the Yak in Saudi Arabia for free.
It's a competitor to the PGA Tour, LIV.
Funded fully by the Saudi Arabian government, which is-
Sheiks.
Let's just say the money isn't the emirs.
Yeah, they're not the coolest guys.
Let's just say this.
A little murdery.
You'll never see the Liv Tour doing the rainbow in June on their logos.
Right.
Catch my drift.
So, yeah, how much money would we have to make
to have the yak be relocated
and fully funded by the Saudi government?
Oh, permanently? Yeah.
I thought it was like we were just doing like a...
Relocated to Saudi Arabia?
We'd have to do it in Saudi Arabia, right?
I hate driving anyway.
70 million.
70?
For all of us?
Yeah, we all get 10.
Doesn't the WWE do something like this where they do it for a weekend?
Yeah, people get mad about that.
But they get paid like a gargantuan sum, right?
Yeah, they do.
I think they just do like wrestling shows.
It's like a long multi-year deal for multi-events.
Listen, say what you want about the Saudi Arabians.
Those guys know how to live when they're rich because they basically are like,
hey, we love wrestling.
Come do a wrestling show for us private.
They all have cheetahs and cool dune buggies
and all sorts of shit that seems awesome.
I'd argue that's not knowing how to be rich.
What are you talking about?
If they want something, they get it.
Yeah, like if you...
Think about it this way.
That's just spending to spend.
If you had Saudi money and you were like,
hey, you know what I want to do? I want to have the big 10 wrestling championship in my backyard they saw the
movie rich one time and they were like that's what a rich person is that's what we're gonna do
you could basically just do whatever you want i just realized that the fucking world team trials
are going on now at ms? Are you asking us?
No, I'm saying it.
I'm just confused.
It's a Wednesday.
What would you do with that?
You guys are going to reach their dreams on a Wednesday?
That's a good day to do it.
Mid-work week.
Fresh off of Nick Tuesday.
Is the Burj Khalifa in Saudi?
No, that's in Dubai.
That's in Dubai.
Imagine we did a hanging wedgie.
From the Burj Khalifa. Yeah? No, that's in Dubai. That's in Dubai. Imagine we did a hanging wedgie. From the Burj Khalifa.
Yeah.
That's so sick.
That's the type of shit we could do with the Saudi money.
But they would.
You could say, I want to do a hanging wedgie.
What's that super tall building that they have?
I feel like they would facilitate the most expensive hanging wedgie of all time.
I want to act like I would be all high and mighty and I wouldn't do it.
My number would be shockingly low.
Yeah.
Probably.
I would do it for like a new car.
I mean, I'd degrade myself here for a shockingly low number.
So our number would be small.
70 million in Saudi Arabia would be a lot of money.
How much?
Yeah.
70 million?
Do you think they've got to pay taxes?
Hell no.
Yeah, probably not.
I feel like we'd be running shit shit over there i'd burn through that
so fast they do it though they call it like like saudi arabia has a whole like a governmental
organization who they bring in like the top influencers from around the world and they
take them on these tours to make saudi arabia look like this wonderful awesome fun place
and then they do the sports like they pretty much own f1 racing or whatever right and so that
everybody's like oh man saudi Saudi Arabia is doing some bad things.
But did you see the race this weekend?
It was kind of fucking sick.
Right.
It works on me.
Doesn't John Cena?
John Cena has a commercial for Saudi Arabia.
He's in his private jet and he's like, we're above Saudi Arabia.
And he jumps out of the fucking plane.
Yeah.
Get down there.
Yeah.
Also, like, we're not doing great things.
Oh, who?
Us personally?
America. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. We're not doing great things Oh, who? Us personally? America
Oh, yeah, yeah
We're not perfect
It would be awesome to watch the internet just explode
If Barstool just got bought by Saudi Arabia
That would be awesome
You already hate us anyway
Let's just fucking do the whole thing
I feel like Dave would thrive in Saudi Arabia
Minus the whole Big J thing.
I don't think.
I don't think they like Jews.
I'm just going to take a guess.
It's just a guess.
I was thinking journalism.
Maybe they just don't know any.
They don't like journalists.
Yeah.
Well, that too.
That too.
Right.
There's a story there.
I don't either, yeah.
Jews?
Oh.
Yeah, it's a fun thought starter.
How much for the yak to be Saudi Arabian?
I do feel like 70 is a good...
I don't know why, it just feels right.
That would be awesome.
I think I'd have zero hesitation.
How much to go to, like, Chicago?
Oh.
Like, at least 200 million.
Hear that, Dan? Hear one of those put a reply guys what about chicago guy no saudi arabia is doing bad i mean how long what about saudi arabia
how long we'd have to be there for they would probably be if we did years 70 million dollars
yeah 10 years i wouldn't want too hot dude I would struggle with having to wear a t-shirt.
The heat isn't my issue.
I wouldn't want to live there.
Yeah.
It's a dry heat.
No humidity.
Yeah.
Maybe that's like if we did the press conference, we're very noble.
We're like, listen, nothing against Saudi Arabia.
There's a reason why we're not going there.
It's too hot.
Yeah.
That's really it.
My breasts will sweat too much.
If you want to say that's a moral stand, good.
Could we be made princes?
I think so.
I think you could do whatever.
I mean, that's...
Although, again, I don't know how minorities would do in Saudi Arabia.
I feel like they're not down with that.
I think we're the minorities in Saudi Arabia.
No, but we...
In a good kind of way. No, I think in a bad that. I think we're the minorities in Saudi Arabia. No, but we... In a good kind of way.
No, I think in a bad way.
I think they just pointed us.
To America.
They'd be like, Zoss, Steven, Sass, Big Cat, you guys go over there.
I'd be like, what?
Why?
Oh, and Kate.
Yeah, Kate too.
What?
It's a woman, yeah.
So...
I would love an every days are for the boys flag.
That would rock.
The afterlife is for the boys.
All right.
Well, we'll think about it.
We'll reach out.
We'll reach out to them.
Did somebody reach out to us?
No.
Oh, Che.
Is that how rumors get started?
I should have said yes.
God damn it.
Having a commercial for your country is so sick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Saudi Arabia just has a commercial.
We have state commercials.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. State tourism. Let's see what we can use some U.S. Yeah. Yeah. Saudi Arabia just has a commercial. We have state commercials. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. State tourism. Let's see. We could use some
U.S. commercials. We're thinking about getting
bought by Saudi Arabia.
Is that the best offer? Yeah. We're
in discussion right now. Seventy million
sass kind of boxes
into this 70 million thing. Yeah.
What are the guys? I was all said 70 guys in the booth
aren't getting anything. Oh yeah. True.
All right. We'll go. Seventy70 million. You guys in the booth aren't getting anything? Oh, yeah, true. All right, we'll go $100 million.
$73 million.
Yes.
Why Saudi Arabia, though?
Because they got this new golf thing.
It seems like they're spending money.
Live tour.
Yeah, the live tour.
What about Dubai or some shit?
Are Saudi Arabia the only one that has money?
They're the ones throwing around the money right now.
Yeah, trying to change the perception of them.
I have a terrible perception.
I do not fuck with Saudi Arabia right now.
Really?
Too big and too much free oil.
If they have all the oil,
why are the oil prices so high?
Why are the companies that are stationed in Saudi Arabia
making so much money?
Yeah, you see those profits they turned?
I saw the profits.
Would be funny if the Saudi Arabian government went woke and was like, Arabia make is so much money. You see those profits they turned? I saw the profits.
It would be funny if the Saudi Arabian government went woke and was like,
yeah, we thought about buying Joe Rogan,
but that thing he said about COVID.
We're walking out.
Gas is probably much cheaper over there.
Gas probably is much cheaper, right?
I think it's free.
I'm kidding. I don't know.
They just put a hose in the ground.
It's just in the water.
$5.
Last I heard, it's $5 to fill up a tank.
Saudi Arabia?
Who'd you hear that from?
I have a friend that's out there.
Really?
Can we call him?
Yeah.
What time is it over there?
It's probably like 7-8 hours ahead.
What floor of the apartment do you think he lives in?
They all live in sky high rises in the clouds.
This also is one of those stories that I have not read anything about.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'm having just strong, strong opinions about stuff that I do not know what I'm talking about.
Where do they go in War Dogs where the gas is free?
What country is that?
I think that was because the gas station attendant was murdered.
All gas is free when you kill the gas station attendant.
That scene was the triangle of death in Fallujah.
A little life hack for the people out there.
It's free gas.
It is free gas.
That is a little hack.
Also, I don't have a car.
Neither do I.
Gas prices.
Uber.
Oh, yeah.
My Uber's been, you know, prices have been going crazy.
Fuck.
Hey, those are little things you kind of forget.
Yeah.
Goddamn.
Yeah.
You got to go to Uber over there again.
It's good.
But Nick, you saw those numbers from the gas companies?
The highest ever.
Yeah.
The highest ever.
It's the highest ever right now?
Their profits are.
They're gouging.
I just saw a video where all these super hot women were at a gas
station, you know late at night and there's music playing
and these women were all twerking on top of this car
and their boobs were falling out and their butt cheeks
were falling out and all the comments were like
oh my god, in the background you can see how
expensive the gas was. Everyone was like
$6.89, oh my god, in the background you can see how expensive the gas was. Everyone was like, $6.89. Oh my god.
That's fucking crazy.
It's tough. Can't afford to be a whore with
these prices. No.
Get out and work. I've had to pull back
a ton.
Odds are tough.
All my makeup's oil-based. Did anybody
else have a terrible
gastrointestinal day yesterday?
Yeah, that stuff was poison.
Yeah, not only did I feel drunk, but I just couldn't stop pooping sand.
Literal poison.
It was like the magic sand that's somehow magnetic.
Alert one, yeah.
I thought I was crazy for after the show.
I went to like I was in the bathroom.
I was like, I feel like I feel fuzzy.
Like I feel like I was like like there's no way one shot whatever
but yeah no it did something
it was yeah it was like the
you weren't drunk but you felt like a little
fuzzy around the edges I was like
drunk oh really yeah
that's why you only drink
he only drank five to six beers
Steve came up to me and he was like dude I'm wasted
really
you do a good act what did you put in that shit KB He only drank five to six beers. Steve came up to me and he was like, dude, I'm wasted. Really?
You do a good ass thing. What'd you put in that shit, KB?
Yeah, KB.
You guys just did the straight devil springs.
You didn't even take a shot.
You weren't in the montage.
I wasn't in the montage either.
You weren't in the montage.
What the fuck was that?
KB, death mix was perfect.
No repercussions.
Death mix was great.
Steven still looks drunk.
Yeah.
I was a little hungover.
I was thinking about the other, maybe it was earlier today looks drunk. Yeah. I was thinking about the other,
maybe it was earlier today.
No.
Yeah.
I saw Sass is doing shows.
You want to plug your shows?
Brooklyn.
June 18th.
And Sass has actually
perfected the craft of comedy.
Yeah.
Come there
and you will see
the best show
you've ever seen.
Best show you've ever seen.
He'll be doing this year's stuff, last year's stuff, old stuff.
All of my stuff.
Dylan's stuff.
When you do make it really, really big and they do a documentary about you, will you mention us?
Yeah, of course.
How much?
Not everyone.
I bet he doesn't mention everyone.
Me and KB will be played by the same person.
They'll come by.
You guys will be like Armie same person. They'll come by. You guys will be like
Armie Hammer
in the social network.
Yeah.
Reverse Armie Hammer.
Reverse Armie Hammer.
It'd be funny
if your first special
You guys playing one person.
If your first special
was just like
very specific jokes
about us all
but like not naming us.
Oh, it will be.
Okay.
I'm ready for that ride.
You guys should come.
It's going to be a fun show.
I'll go.
June 18th?
June 18th.
I'll be there.
Saudi Arabia?
June 18th.
It'll be more like Big Daddy.
The kids, the Sprouse twins in Big Daddy.
Okay.
Both of them playing the same one character.
Oh, yeah, or the Winklevii.
We need to get a five-year plan for Sass, though.
If we're really going to ride his coattails to the top,
we have to be pretty fucking detailed about what he's going to do. Well, that's our... Yeah, because our five-year plan is gonna ride his coattails to the top we have to be pretty fucking detailed about what he's gonna do well that's our yeah because our five-year plan is
to ride his coat exactly so we guys are really like explaining my five-year plan yeah no we're
gonna we're gonna butt in on that which i don't love i think five within five years feature films
dude feature films i think leading man i think you're thinking way too small I think he's whatever's after films
The next frontier
Post film
Behind the scenes
Him living in the woods
Not talking to any of us
So that means feature films sooner then?
Yeah
Need to get into those now?
Need to get you hooked up with Apatow
I feel like Apatow would take a real liking to you
I feel like Apatow would take a real liking to you. Apatow.
I feel like you think Maude is...
What's her name?
Maude, yeah.
Maude.
Unattainable.
What a shitty thing to name your daughter.
Did Apatow just have his wife dump her cans out in all his movies?
Yeah.
Like some of his movies?
Yeah, so everyone would be like, you know that's Apatow's wife.
What?
She's hot.
Oh, dude.
That's a worse sex crime than Epstein.
The one with the raspy voice? a worse sex crime than Epstein. The one with the raspy voice?
Worse sex crime than Epstein.
Just putting your wife on display for the world
and just being like...
Very weird.
Here we just wrote this scene in for a casual nipple to be out.
Apex Instagram boyfriend.
Yeah, he really is.
It's also just weird
to go to work
with your family every day by choice, right?
Just writing them all in.
Oh, well, Brandon kind of does that.
Yeah, that's true.
He's on his way to doing that.
Brandon here.
Were they both in the movie scene before?
I think so.
She was a waitress.
Leslie Mann is a good actress.
Well, both their daughters were the kids in Knocked Up.
Oh, Leslie Mann rules.
I love her.
I met a lot of Apatow's in...
I didn't know that's who we were talking about.
I missed that part.
Euphoria, right?
Isn't that one of Jake Malasek's?
Wasn't that one of the girls that Jake Malasek said he wanted to fuck?
It's his hall pass.
Yeah, on that thing.
Oh, no, no, no.
That was...
Who was that?
He just wanted to watch...
Rachel McAdams.
Rachel McAdams.
Oh, yeah, Rachel McAdams.
And Gosselin.
I've been thinking about that. Can we re-listen to that at some pointAdams. Rachel McAdams. Yeah, and golf. I've been thinking about that.
Can we re-listen to that at some point?
Yeah, sure.
So funny.
I think the way for you to get in with Apatow's sass
is for you to pitch a pilot where like a Mrs. Robinson,
or like the graduate type of thing,
where his wife is a MILF that you're trying to bang.
Oh, yeah.
Because then it's double duty.
Then he can get you in the mix,
and then he can get his...
Yeah, I'll talk to him.
Well, his wife already tried to bang
an underage Zac Efron in 17 again.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Yep.
Fuck.
God damn.
There was a period of time when 17 was 30.
Yes.
It was when I was 14.
I was like 17-year-olds.
He's already 17
Yeah
Old ass
Apex humans
So you know there's an intern
That's kind of encroaching on your turf
KB
He's living at the NYU dorms
Oh really
Yeah
He came in and he's like
Yeah I'm living at the NYU dorms
Especially during the summer
It's not weird
Well we were like
You're going to have to talk to KB about that
I need a place.
Rear texted me during that episode.
He lived one summer at a school in Canada.
It was supposed to be an apartment complex, and they put him in a frat house.
That's sick.
Empty frat house.
Wasn't cleaned up from the year before.
That's gross.
He just lived there for a summer.
I went to a battle rap in Canada one time, and they said that they were going to have for us and we were staying in dorms at mcgill university wasn't that cool it
didn't make the show that cool yeah kind of sucked when i still lived down i was living in delco and
barstool radio had just started and chaps was like can you be up in new york like right away
i needed time to find an apartment here but i didn't want to say no because i was like brand
new and i still couldn't believe i'm like, I can't believe they hired me or whatever.
So I was staying in a hostel at night down in Chinatown.
Like I was in a I stayed in a bunk bed.
I would lock myself stuff up in a cage and it was like thirty dollars a night or something.
And it would just be like that's still a lot more in people.
I was too afraid to use the shower.
I was too afraid.
But I did that for like probably like four weeks. I would just because our show was 10 to midnight. Yeah. And so I couldn't be to use the shower. I was too afraid. But I did that for probably like four weeks.
I would just, because our show was 10 to midnight.
Yeah.
And so I couldn't be going back and forth.
And finally, Chaps found out what I was doing.
He's like, you know you can ask for a hotel room and stuff, right?
And I was like, oh, I didn't want to impose.
You're allowed to like, whatever.
They put you in a hotel room that's worse than the hospital.
That's worse than the, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They sent me the NYU dorm.
What was it like in there?
Was the language barrier pretty rough that you couldn't communicate with any single
human?
It was rough.
It was a room full of bunk beds and it was all hours of the night, just people coming
and going.
And yeah, and I mean, I got in late, so I felt bad.
Like people were sleeping.
There's like curfews, right?
That had to have been something too, where you're like, I was a Marine, so I can.
Were you like, I've done this before?
Similar?
Yes, there's been worse spots to sleep.
It was super awkward. I feel like if there's anyone in this room who can deal with that, it's probably you.
I would have been like this.
Or Sass.
Or Sass.
Right.
Never complaints.
Definitely not me.
What were the people like there?
I think I was like the only speaker.
Chinese.
Probably Chinese people. Yeah, honest to God, the only speaker. Chinese, probably Chinese people.
Yeah, honest to God, it was mostly.
It was definitely Chinese people.
Yeah.
So it was interesting.
Do you think that Sass, if we put, if we enlisted him in the army, he could like take down the
United States army just by complaining?
Like would they be like, yeah, we're just going to give up?
Actually, he would thrive because the main thing you do is complain.
Really?
Like the better you can complain the
more popular you are i want to be i want to be in the i want to be a fighter pilot though you could
oh amount of you could just randomly nothing no no no i actually still haven't seen the new one i
but i really why i don't know i just haven't we're gonna see at some point soon but no doubt
is that true how does that mean we'll see he's got a busy schedule one's gonna be your manager
right yeah okay of course that's good because i don't know at least contact him owen could i think
be i think he could be uh on screen talent in an appetite.
Oh.
I don't think you have to
relegate Owen to manager.
I was saying for the
stand up career.
Oh maybe.
Yeah.
I could do that too.
Kate what's up.
It's Sunday's melting.
I know.
Please.
They didn't give me a spoon
so I'm using
cardboard straw.
It's okay.
It's okay.
And then I felt awkward
because it looks weird
to do this.
Brandon eats on this show constantly.
Constantly.
You're going to have to swallow.
Yeah.
My tattoo guy said he can come in in three weeks.
Ooh.
I want to do a tattoo yak.
I need an entry into tattoos that might be the best way.
Because then once I get one, everyone's like one one to two is easy
right yeah it's zero to one that everyone judges that's the thing and if you don't care about the
first one okay i'm in what was your where are you gonna get it was on my leg it was done by a friend
it's just a very poorly done smiley face i don't know what i'd get where i think my first one maybe
like my shoulder or something i don't know know. I would go side shoulder right here.
Yikes.
I think I want to get a Creed.
Wait, what?
Hold on.
I was going to also do that.
What does yikes mean?
That's like a very 1992-ass place to get a tattoo.
You might as well get barbed wire on the bicep.
It's just one tattoo and it's right there on the bicep.
Where would you get yours? I wouldn't get one. I'm not going to get onebed wire on the bicep. It's just one tattoo and it's right there on the bicep. Where would you get yours?
I wouldn't get one.
Well, I'm not going to get one either.
Yeah, you are.
If I have to.
I'll give tattoos before I get tattoos.
Ron, I'll let you tattoo me instead of getting mine.
I'll take one from Ron as well.
I'm with you, though.
If you're going to have one, that's like the most visible option.
I don't know.
Oh, arm would be the most visible, right?
Yeah, but that's just like a billboard. I got one. What's like the most visible option. I don't know. Oh, arm would be the most visible, right? Yeah, but that's just like a billboard.
If I got one.
What's going on here?
He's just staring at us. What the fuck?
Oh, your mom's got to be freaking out
right now. That guy was just
fucking mean-mucking.
I wish I had my robot
to attack him.
Did you see Glennie's got some more OnlyFans
ladies rolling through? Every time he opens
the door, I'm like, who are these characters?
Such a delight.
Oh, he gave us one of these.
The boy's about to see the OnlyFans girls.
Become a man.
Their make-a-wish is just to watch Glennie do
interviews of OnlyFans girls.
Not even actual.
So where should I get my first tattoo, then?
Lower back.
Yeah, true.
What?
I think you got nice titties, yeah, Peck?
Yeah, your Peck.
Oh, yeah, you should do the Rihanna,
the underneath the titties, like the this.
Under the fold?
Under the fold.
I hate that.
Why?
I don't know.
It's not for me. Why? And then all the people try to replicate fold. I hate that. Why? I don't know. It's not for me.
Why?
And then like all the people
try to replicate that.
I hate it.
Dude, I think chest right here for you,
like a crest or some shit
would look dope.
You pop your top
and there's like a fucking like...
I don't take my shirt off very often.
Dead in the middle.
It could peek out of the wife beater too.
Yes, dude.
There's something that's peeking
out of the wife beater.
What if I got tattooed
like a sick fluff of hair
Right here
Like the bald dudes who get the
Hairline
Just get a hairline on your chest
That'd be nice
I went to college with a guy who he always wore
Ralph Lauren polo shirts
And so he got the Ralph Lauren polo
Right here on his chest
We also did the guys who do
barracks tats all the time like friends just in the late at night and they're drinking and one of
my best buddies got huge across right over his penis you want it oh and then he also got at that
point it's way too late to be asking yeah who cares you're about to have it and then he got on
one butt cheek it's a stick figure couple doing. And then he got on one butt cheek.
It's a stick figure couple doing it doggy style.
And the other butt cheek has a little cameraman stick figure filming it.
Oh, that's awesome.
That's kind of cool.
That's funny.
Is there a question mark?
You want it one.
Is it a statement?
You want it.
You're right.
There's no question mark.
Oh, it's more authoritative.
If it says I want it, people will read it.
It's like, I want it.
They'll be like, oh, that's all I need.
He tries using it as consent.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
She read my text.
You looked at it,
so you acknowledged it.
Yeah.
Signature.
Like one of those public filmings.
An ocular signature.
You agreed.
Your Honor, it's Helvetica Bold.
She did not see it.
She saw it.
You could do a thong peeking out of the top of your pants.
Just like not a full thong, but everything.
My boy Joey Hoffman has that.
Just a thong peeking up the top.
Joey has that, Joey Hoffman?
Yeah, Joey Hoffman.
And he also has one squirrel running up the leg
and then running down the other leg with a nut in his mouth.
That's kind of funny.
That's hard.
That's hard as fuck.
You just spread your legs.
Or you could go inner fingers or some shit like that.
Yeah, inner fingers.
Knuckles.
Remember the rumor with Pat Burrell was that he had a baseball bat
tattooed down the inside of his leg that was as long as his hard penis was,
which was supposedly pretty big.
Yes, Pat the Bat had a lot of stories.
I don't remember that one about him.
I heard from a friend of a friend.
I think there's a website that knows.
There it was, Urban Ledge.
I just can't see myself with a tattoo.
I can see you with a tattoo.
Just like a goofy one.
A big stand-up mic on your arm or something.
Oh, God, no.
A heartbeat.
Are you thinking about what you're going to get?
No, I'm never getting one.
Ever?
No.
I'm standing in solidarity with you.
What if the Saudi Arabians say,
Saudi Arabian flag, 100 million?
100 mil.
Oh, yeah.
Then actually I would get that.
Okay, so there you go.
Everyone's got a price.
What about if it's on your forehead?
Yep.
100 mil.
I wouldn't, but they would.
Have we already agreed?
We forgot to ask Body Part.
A trillion dollars, I'd get a tattoo on my forehead.
Trillion?
You wouldn't do it for a billion?
You can't remove it.
No.
You can't remove it.
A trillion, I would.
Remember the lady?
Yeah.
She had goldenpalace.com or something.
No free ads, but it was one of the first viral tattoo photos.
She had it huge across her forehead.
It was like some gambling site paid her to do it.
And so she did. I think it was only like $10,000
or something. But it was huge.
So maybe we could get people, pay people to do
Barstool Sportsbook tattoos
on their faces. I feel like being
a billionaire wouldn't even be worth it with
a face tattoo.
Yeah, it would. A billionaire?
No, I think you need the T. You need like your own city or island to be on. But if you got one face tattoo. No. Yeah. Yeah, I would. A billionaire? Yes. No, I think you need the T.
You need like your own city or island to be on.
But if you got one face tattoo, you just might as well get them all and like fill in your
whole face and just become one of those freaks.
Yeah, but then you, yeah, it would really throw your life off a lot.
Yeah, but a billion.
I guess if you got a billion dollars, you could be like, oh, I got paid a billion dollars
to get this.
Remember the guy who did leopard spots all over his body
in the Guinness Book of World Records?
He had no penis, and it was in the book.
You could see his lack of penis.
We don't even get a fucking, we don't even get a wave.
Wave from Lenny's whores?
No, no, no.
Lenny's angels.
Said respectfully.
Don't use that word.
As in they sell themselves online.
Yeah, yeah.
I meant it clinically.
You meant by the definition. By definition. I meant it clinically.
By definition.
Words are cyclical. I think whore
is going to be nice soon.
Girls already use it in a nice
way. You whore.
When I was in college, that's a good
example.
Such a whore.
When all me and my friends,
hey slut, hey whatever.
That's the way we talk.
And again, by definition by definition that is what's going on
so doctors would just say that they're both wearing fun athletic socks the only fans
gals i don't see them they have red stripes you know they're making a lot of money if they could
spend 20 bucks on socks good i read in teen vogueogue one time that you're more likely to orgasm if you're wearing socks.
And I was shooting blanks at the time.
So I started beating off wearing Nike Elites.
Oh, I believe that.
And?
I was still shooting blanks for a while more.
It's bullshit, dude.
Teen Vogue was just saying whatever.
Same with Cosmopolitan.
Yes.
I'd love to go to the dentist just so I could crack a Cosmopolitan and get a little horny.
We've got to start making Amy Smart come on camera again.
Yeah.
Was Amy Smart?
Amy Smart was a...
She was in Road Trip?
Yeah.
Oh.
Butterfly effect.
Just Friends?
Amy Smart.
That's Amy Smart?
Yeah.
Who was dead? The dragon on his penis? He died at 80. That's him. He'd be smart. Who was dead?
He died at 80.
That's longer than I'd give him.
Wasn't he like a hermit?
Makes you look younger.
He does not look 80.
Is that a
giraffe on his penis?
His penis is a giraffe.
I think he has some sort of shawl over his groin.
He doesn't have a penis, Kyle?
Yeah, I remember it vividly.
It was in the book, the picture of his no penis.
The picture of his no penis.
A guy like that.
Most pictures.
When he's home alone, he's just like, fuck, this kind of sucks.
Yes.
A hundred percent.
Or when he just has to go to CVS to get Tylenol.
Yeah, because everyone's like, oh, do you regret that?
And he has to say no.
You can't walk around being like, I'm the guy
who regrets becoming a leopard.
He wants to go get a beer.
There's a guy on Instagram that's going through
like a full body transformation.
It's some sort of alien project. He's like
cut off four fingers. He's removed a bunch
of bones. What?
He's trying to like put down.
He should be put down immediately.
He's like restructured his facial bone structure. What? I, he's like, he should be put down. He should be put down immediately. He's like restructured
his facial bone structure.
Like he's on the way.
Yeah, I'd like to see him too.
He's trying to like become
some sort of half human,
half cyborg thing.
Isn't he like fusing
his fingers together
or something like that?
He cut off his pinky
or his pinky and his ring fingers.
One of his surgeons
just needs to take one for the team.
They're not legal surgeons.
Kill him.
He's going to like
random countries
to get like off-brand doctors
that will agree to cut his body parts off it's crazy i remember that too because i was uh when i
when i make my pinky bet and there was one season i think it was the texans won like nine in a row
and i had to like start kind of considering it and like people were like dude you can't just go
to a doctor and have them cut off the tip of your pinky yeah no it's not like something they do that's oh this is this is the shape of water
dude get out of here it's a burn mom oh my god i thought it was hot wood yeah i thought it was
extremely fuckable in the crushing philly yeah uh i worked the philly tattoo convention and people stood in a line
all day long to get their
bodies hooked with
hooks and then lifted into the
air and spun around. People waited in line
for that like a carnival ride.
That shit used to be on
regular TV.
That would be on like 8.
Remember the Learning Channel used to show full
surgeries when I was a kid. Like here comes the
organ. They would show
full ass. I'm so bad when it comes to that
shit. You are bad.
You're a bad boy.
You're so bad when it comes to surgery.
Oh Nick. Nick starts getting real
bad.
It would be fun if they could figure out
enough making fun of me.
Maybe the Oculus
Like a simulator of like
Surgery?
Yeah
That would be sick
How many times you could kill someone
Before you get it right?
That would actually be
That's a good idea
You could pitch that
It is heart surgery?
It's surgery simulator
Alright can we get the Oculus?
Can we do that one day?
Yeah
I would love to
That's definitely nice
We definitely have to do that
We have to make it.
Yeah.
Zaw definitely can perform full brain surgery.
Maybe we do it after the case race.
Oh, yeah.
Drunk surgery.
Drunk surgery would be so funny.
Oh, man.
I think I'd be better if I was drunk.
No.
That's shaky.
My hands are so shaky.
I could never be a surgeon unless I was drunk.
Probably nerve damage bro
nah it's always been like that
probably you're dying yeah
you should probably get that checked out
I have gotten it checked out
they say it's just tremors
you shake until you start drinking again
is that because you were what
grew up in Sarajevo
I don't know what it is
I've had it since I was a kid
and they're like just go on living with it
yeah they're like it's nothing
okay
you can cure that shit.
Just hit the gym, bro.
Yeah, I know.
As Rogan said.
Yeah.
It's impressive you don't complain about it more.
Sass meets a kid who grew up in a war, like a war refugee.
Yeah.
Bombings every day, and he's like, dude, I kind of know what you're going through.
I kind of went the same thing.
I want Sass to go into a burn ward, but Sass has a paper cut or a hat.
See who's having the worst day.
Yeah, but at least there's medicine for yours.
Mine, I have to just have it heal, and I have to use my fingers.
It's terrible.
Heart burn ward.
Heart burn ward.
Ew.
You do that?
Yeah.
Heart burn ward. What are you thinking about, You ood that? Yeah. Heartburn ward.
What are you thinking about, KB?
What's in that brain?
Sleep deprived.
Yeah?
Yeah, I'm back.
I can't fall asleep anymore.
You need to get one of Dave's runoff pillows.
Dave's got Boku pillows right now.
True.
I've been doing Unisom and then five milligrams of wheat.
That's my problem.
I started doing the three chi and now I stopped and then can't of wheat. That's my problem. I started doing the three chi and now I stopped
and then can't fall asleep.
Yeah.
Well, that'll probably just take time
and then you'll be able to fall asleep again.
Thanks.
I will.
You heard the man.
You should take, you know, those,
what are the, fuck, what is the,
I take some gummy melatonin things
and they literally like,
if you take two of them, it's like you can't wake up the next morning because they are so strong yeah that's the worst part of that stuff it's the next yeah never i just get tired yeah
me too you fall asleep like a fucking man oh yeah just muscle yourself to sleep.
There's that like a fucking light.
Kate, how's your sleep been?
Terrible.
Yeah.
I'm sorry to hear KB's having a tough time.
What was that?
What was that?
Nothing.
A dick?
Sneak this.
Is it condescending because you have a kid?
Well, my problem is like I can never fall asleep before like one in morning. And then the baby wakes up after that like a couple times. I don't think I've slept more than three hours straight in like two years.
Oh, Jesus.
Wow.
I was so fucked.
Yeah.
That is beyond fucked.
Yeah.
Dude, I have a triple authentication of we have a certified banger taco place in our neighborhood.
Yes.
I tried it yesterday.
It's true.
Kate tried it, and then Rico just tried it.
Wait, here?
And he said it's fucking unbelievable.
What is it?
It's a taco place.
Dude, it's a cult.
It's like a cart.
It's a mini cart.
It's so tiny.
It's just two guys in this tiny little cart.
And I knew Roan.
I saw Roan eating it.
I got it.
And when I walked through the office with it,
five different people I passed were like,
you found the spot, huh?
I'm like, yes. What's it called?
There's no name on it really. There's barely a name.
It's just like what they're selling. They said that they've
been at that location for like two months but they've
been around for 20 years and it
fucking shows in the love that they put into the
cooking. They have everything.
Rico just got pork chorizo and
steak. They marinated it
in the best possible...
It's so fucking good.
It's fucking incredible.
I'm getting it again for lunch today.
So good.
You guys want to go get a
massive order of tacos?
Let's go get us tacos.
I'm down for that.
It's cash only.
It's cash only, so you know it's good.
I'll pay for it.
I have some cash to throw at tacos.
Spin it.
One name.
Eliminator?
Yeah, no, not Eliminator.
It's regular.
Will you spin the regular wheel yet?
We haven't spun the regular wheel yet.
I was just saying I'm out tomorrow, Friday, and Monday going to a wedding in San Francisco.
And I'm already got FOMO because I think you guys are going to get a wet wheel.
We're due.
Or get wet with my boys.
Might be today.
That would be fun.
That would be incredible.
Should we do that before we get tacos?
So someone has to get wet tacos?
Yeah.
Spin the real wheel first.
Good call.
Just in case we have to get wet ass tacos.
What was that? What was the sign? KB? I don't know. I'm actually have to get wet ass tacos. What was that?
What was the sign?
KB?
I don't know.
I'm actually willing to get wet.
Yeah?
You like to get wet?
We got to take prank call off there too.
Yeah.
We can take prank call.
Maybe make that another KB's Wild.
Oh shit.
No, you know what?
Make that Che's Wild.
I'd like to see what Che comes up with.
In terms of a game show.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stephen Che trying to create a game show would be...
What did we just change that from?
From Prank Call to Che's Wild.
No more Prank Calls.
What did we change it?
Oh, from Prank Calls?
Okay.
Yeah.
But then I need like a day to prep it.
You have the day after.
KB's Wild and Che's Wild are always the next day.
Okay.
Are we just categorically discounting prank calls as an option now?
I think we just do it naturally.
We kind of peak when you guys are out.
We can't prank call people who know what the show is because they know what time it is.
The problem is too, like prank calls, we just realized that, we could just keep prank calling Mincy every day.
So, because I don't know, you guys probably missed it, but the next time we hit it, we called Mincy.
It was the day Ray Liotta died, and he shared that tweet about his little anecdote about Ray Liotta.
It was about him.
Yeah, we pretended.
It was about him.
We pretended we were from the Times-Picayune asking to interview Ben Mintz about the time he met Ray Liotta.
You went all in.
You went with just your voice.
Yeah, and he didn't know.
It worked.
Oh, yeah.
What is the biggest thing you could convince Ben Mintz?
That he's the only man alive with a penis.
Yeah.
That none of the rest of us have a penis.
You think you could?
Oh, yeah.
I think you could convince him like.
That like LeBron wants to meet him.
Like he or the White House has asked for the way to receive a medal.
If you call Ben and just like, hey, LeBron, I finally agreed to do part of my take.
But he like wants to meet you.
Yeah.
I think he would be like,
I knew he would.
That makes sense.
I went to a game in New Orleans
five years ago.
He was in it.
There he is.
He's looking great.
He's trying to pick up Large's wife.
Oh my god.
Look at the head lean. He's probably going back to lunch with wife. He's networking. Oh my God. Oh shit. Look at the head lean.
Probably going back
to lunch with Stu.
He's all dressed up today
for Tommy's party.
Oh yeah.
Tommy's party.
That's what he said.
I didn't realize
Tommy's party was gone.
Call him right now.
Call him right now.
Call him right now.
Oh shit.
Oh shit.
He's circling.
Wait.
Wait.
He's still there.
He's pacing.
He's shark hunting.
He's pacing like a lion out there.
He looks like. I don't want to call's pacing like a lion out there. He looks...
I don't want to call him for my number because he knows me.
Someone who doesn't know his number...
He has my number, too.
He has mine, as well.
I just called him for...
Call him from the studio.
Call him from the studio.
That's what we're calling him for.
Okay.
Nick, you do it.
I don't want to.
Kyle.
Kyle, you do it.
In the meantime, we got gay merch.
Yeah, we have gay merch out.
Out and about t-shirts, sweatshirts, and hats.
It's not a phase.
Sweatshirts, tank tops, and tees.
And they're all available at store.barstoolsports.com.
What if there's someone who it is a phase for?
Yeah, could be.
Well, we should have it.
Very exclusionary.
It could be.
It's just a phase.
It's just a phase. It's just a face.
They had Chris DiStefano on their podcast.
Yeah, they did.
Yeah.
No, they went on his.
Noted gay man.
Is there still beef going on there?
Sorry, my bad.
I want it to stop.
You want the beef to stop?
Yeah, people keep tagging you?
People are like, dude, Chris, that pussy blocked me because I started a rumor on Twitter that he has child porn.
I was like, don't do that.
Jesus Christ.
Of course he blocked you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KB, you're going to...
Fuck.
All the things that are happening right now
that only somebody that could see him would know.
What are you doing?
What is this?
Fucking a larger Rita? Uh-oh. Your call has been forwarded. Call again. Write it back. that only somebody that could see him would know. What are you doing? What are you talking to, Largerita?
Uh-oh.
It's been four weeks.
Call him again.
Run it back.
He's a second ring guy.
Call it again.
Call it again.
He's iced you.
Whoa, fuck.
Phone in the pocket.
Very cool.
This conversation must be incredible that they're having.
Oh.
Oh.
You should call Larger's wife and just have her put on mints.
Yeah, can we talk to Ben Mints, please?
Put on mints.
It's the president.
Anybody have her number?
He's explaining to her how impactful 9-11 was on him.
Yeah.
He's calling KB. Should I...
He is locked in.
Definitely asking her questions about herself,
not talking about himself.
So I think he knows the number because of Pick Central.
Someone else might have to do it.
No, he didn't even look.
He knows the number.
He didn't look once. He didn't even check his phone. Should it be like, he didn't even look. He knows the number. He didn't look once.
He didn't even check his phone.
Should it be like, all right, I'm with the New Orleans Saints.
Joe Horn is putting on a fundraiser celebrity.
Yes, with his son JC. I don't want to do celebrity.
Not a golf scramble or a softball game.
Something weirder.
Call Large.
Call Large.
Celebrity.
Call Large and ask Large for Ben Mintz. But Large will know, I think. Celebrity cook-off. Call Large and ask Large for Ben Mintz.
But Large will know, I think.
Oh, no, no.
Call Large and ask for Ben.
Yes, yes.
If he falls for that.
Oh, hurry up, hurry up.
All right, well, wait.
Call Large and ask for Ben Mintz.
Ask if Ben Mintz is there.
KB, ask.
Ask if Ben Mintz is there.
I'm looking for Ben Mintz.
No one look out the window.
No one look out the window.
Or call and say it's somebody looking for Dave Portnoy. Call and say it's Ben Mintz there? I'm looking for Ben Mintz. No one look out the window. No one look out the window. Or call and say it's somebody looking for Dave Portnoy.
Call and say it's Ben Mintz.
Are you calling?
Ask if he could speak for Dave Portnoy.
All right, KB, you got this.
Are we patching him through?
He just doesn't look at his phone, dude.
Wait, I'm going to call Ann and tell her to suddenly look at him with disgust and then walk away.
Mr. McCarthy?
Yes.
You happen to be at the Barstool office right now?
Who's this?
Chaz Gresham with the New Orleans Saints. I'm looking to
talk to either Dave Portnoy
or Ben Mintz.
Okay, and who are you again?
I'm Chaz Gresham. I work in PR
for the New Orleans Saints.
Hold on one sec.
I'm here.
Hello?
Oh, fuck.
Oh!
Fuck you, Oh! Large!
Fuck you, Large!
Large!
Wow, that glass is so big.
Large!
I think we could still get mints with the same exact length.
Yes.
Yeah.
That would have...
That was a baller move by Large.
Yeah, it was awesome.
Large, come here.
That was perfect.
Oh, yeah, hold on.
I didn't see you.
Did you still get him, you think?
That was an incredible baller move to just be like,
oh, hold on one second.
Put your phone away.
You got a fucking text.
Beth.
Oh, that was so good.
We can still call Ben.
Oh, here was so good. We can still call Ben. Oh, here we go.
There's a phone call from New York between 1 and 2.
Thank you, Friday.
Okay.
All right, he's caught on.
Shit.
God damn.
As the only man with a penis, I respect that out of you.
That's right.
Run like whatever those things are on the internet where it says the wrong location.
Oh, yeah.
We got to start doing that.
We got to start breaking that out.
Okay.
You excited for Tommy's party?
He's dressed up.
He's dressed up.
It has nothing to do with the fact that I have no clean, clean shorts.
No, no, no.
Love it.
Love it.
Thank you, Mincy.
Best.
Tommy's having a party today.
All right.
Let's spin the wheel.
I'm mad.
I thought it was from 6 to 8.
I was going to show up at like 9 p.m.
I thought it was a joke. Maybe I still will. It's at like 9pm I thought it was a joke maybe I still will
it's not 6 to 8
what time is it
it was 4 to 6
4 to 6
are you videotaping it
of course
are you staying
until
I want to show up at like 10
let's watch the game
you should
I kind of want to get
everybody going to the party
a costume
except for Tommy
so everybody goes to his house
for a costume party.
He wasn't invited.
Like, you really can take, he's obviously not listening to this,
but you could take ownership of this, of whatever he's trying to do,
and, like, just do something better than what he's trying to do.
Get a cake for yourself.
Like, I really think you could have everybody wear something.
I think that that's not a bad idea.
It would just throw a little wrench in it.
He tried to invite the dude from Suck Session.
Yeah, he did.
He DM'd him.
He did.
What is Suck Session?
Oh, Suck Session.
Okay.
All right.
You got me.
Double spin, double wheel spin?
Yeah.
Here we go.
I'm kind of feeling milk.
Feeling milk?
Kind of.
Oh!
And it's milk.
Fuck!
And someone's going to be drinking.
By the way, can we just pull up Kate's tweet from last night?
Oh, no.
This is a coincidence.
A weird coincidence.
Oh.
But.
You were the one that
didn't share. You admitted that it was TMI.
I did. If you guys have weird stuff
going on with your bodies, you would say it.
I didn't catch the tweet.
We'll pull it up.
It is perfect for this situation.
This is TMI, I guess, but I stopped breastfeeding like six months ago,
and my boobs still have milk in them.
I know this because every few weeks I squeeze them randomly to check.
No retweets, huh?
That's weird.
How does she agree on that?
Unbelievable.
Who can relate?
Okay, good night.
So now what do we have on the wheel? That's a crazy ratio. Zero, good night. So now what do we have on the wheel?
That's a crazy ratio.
Zero to one thousand.
So, Kate, the thing I'm most floored by is this is TMI, I guess.
What made you think it wasn't?
I feel like if you guys had this kind of shit going on with your bodies,
everybody would know if your tits had milk coming out of them.
That's true.
We talk about everything that happens to our bodies.
You do.
I do squeeze my tits every now and then just to see.
One of these days. Like, oh, is today the day? That's true. We talk about everything that happens to our bodies. You do. I do squeeze my tits every now and then just to see. Something might happen.
Like, oh, is today the day?
Did you know that guys could, if you started taking certain pills and you started pumping
your tits every day, all the time.
Start voting liberal.
It just happens.
Yeah, you can start making milk.
And it's beautiful.
It tastes even fucking better.
It's just shocking it's still there.
I always thought it would be funny, kind of morbid, but if I had breast cancer and
took total ownership of it
in October,
everyone's wearing the ribbons, and I'm like,
no, it's for me. It's for you. I have breast
cancer. How much would it take for you to do
a sip of dude milk?
Ooh.
What should we say for the Saudis?
Is it more or less than the Saudis?
More than the Saudis. Really?. 70 million. More than the Saudis.
Really?
Dude, I'm lowering the bar.
Yeah, I'd do it for way less.
I would do it for like a thousand bucks.
You would drink dude tit milk?
You would drink dude milk?
Is it the same as women tit milk?
All right, wait, so we have to spin the wheel now.
This has to be done today.
So maybe tacos are tomorrow because someone's going to be trying to drink a gallon of milk
in the rest of this episode.
It's ten minutes left. Yeah, I know.
They have to try to drink it. Oh my god.
Eliminator or first? I think it's eliminator.
Okay. And then the person who gets picked
obviously then they get to decide the next thing.
Okay.
Because this is the punishment.
So who?
Yes, you and Zah can
exempt yourself.
Thoughts?
I hope I get this one.
You are a milk fiend.
Yeah.
Go mad.
You.
Okay.
I say we leave it.
We're not using your immunity.
We're not using what?
I'm not using the immunity.
He's using it.
Oh.
Milk is on the table.
It's one gallon of whole milk.
Whole.
That's tough.
I wonder which whole.
Dick.
This is to be done tomorrow, yeah?
Oh, today.
Right now.
Today?
Yes.
It's like an hour challenge.
Yeah, we'll just do it.
So somebody has to run down to CVS or whatever.
An hour is crazy.
I'm asking Spider to get it.
Give the person a half hour.
Or we could do tacos today, milk tomorrow.
It's an hour.
Oh, let's do a half hour.
Fuck it.
You're going to puke no matter what.
It's way too much.
You're not even part of this.
You're exempt.
It's your punishment.
He's trying to extend his holiday.
He's trying to make it like an extra day.
All right, spin it.
That is his brilliant idea.
I'm not going to be here tomorrow, so if it's me, I'm just
going to fucking do it.
But we all know it won't be you, bro.
We'll get tacos for everyone else.
Wait, before we do this,
are we going to decide? Do we want to do it right now
or do we want to do it like a full episode
someone tries to do it?
If it's me, I'm going to rip it right now.
It's right now, but I think we could extend the show like 10 minutes, 20 minutes.
Yeah, we could extend it to like 2.30 or something.
Spider's going to get it right now.
Okay, I mean, the challenge is, I'm pretty sure it's impossible to drink that much milk
in half an hour, right?
Well, it's possible, but you'll have to do it.
Let's spin the wheel.
Anything is possible.
Spin the wheel.
Eliminator.
And I don't care if we have to stay in here and miss Tommy's fucking party.
I don't care if we have to stay in here and miss Tommy's fucking party. I don't care at all actually
His eliminator
Thank you
Play by Zotmar by Zaha
Dog Someone needs to go Smart on Zog. Hi, dog.
Someone needs to go.
Yes.
Ow, a KB.
We should skimboard somebody.
What is that?
Waterboard them with skim milk.
All right, thank you.
What was that?
Put it into the yak.
Thanks.
Is that your milk guy?
That's Spider.
That's my milk guy.
Yes.
I'm free.
Good job, Kate.
Feels good, right?
It feels so good. I'm not nervous right now.
When do you guys get nervous?
I'm nervous now.
I don't get nervous.
I get it for three.
Three is when I get nervous.
Yeah, I guess I'm a huge pussy.
Yep.
There's so many names left.
Oh, there you go. Owen, you're okay. Oh names left, though. Oh, there you go.
You're going.
You're okay.
Oh, I'm nervous.
Oh, I'm nervous.
You should be nervous.
Oh, man.
I hope it's Big Cat.
I hope that.
I'm supposed to play basketball.
Think of all the proof.
Fuck.
Oh, God.
That's.
God damn it.
Come on.
Fuck.
Are you all right?
I'm nervous now.
I'm nervous now.
You're right.
Fuck yeah.
Oh, fuck.
This is going to ruin my day.
Oh, it's going to be me.
Totally going to be me.
God damn it.
Ron, what did you do to the wheel?
What do you mean?
I feel like you're disproportionately punished on this thing
We'll see
It's karma
It's retribution
Oh don't speak too soon
It's an eliminator so if it lands on you
You're out
We gotta do best of seven Obviously
Wait
Well you gotta decide now
It's not fair
That TJ's running this wheel
Best of seven
Best of
Seven
Best of seven eliminator
Best of seven always
Best of seven
Alright best of seven
I'm not gonna be able to play basketball
Let's do a best of six
I have to figure out
What I'm gonna do
First two six
Might be good
A lot of milk
What?
Play some ball
Sweat it out
Milk
Without the milk
You can do a best of six
If it's a tie you guys split it
That's dope
Best of six
And if it's a tie you split the gallon
Hilarious if it just looks like
Rubbed sunscreen
Yeah they would
You guys are really mad about that
That's just two people puking
Getting back down
I'm like dude are you milk sweating?
Yeah
Alright
Should we get tacos no matter what?
That's a seven
Yeah
We're gonna need tacos I'll go get tacos no matter what? That's a seven Yeah We're gonna need tacos
I'll go get tacos after this
I'm gonna have to text
Like
This is gonna be a hilarious text
Be like hey I'm not gonna make it
I have to drink
You don't know that yet
I'm ready to send that text
Oh god
Shall we?
Whoever it lands on four times is eliminated
Oh whoever lands on four times wins
I hope it's TJ Just cause I don't want big cat to make the next punishment win. That's true. Ooh
Four out of seven is the winner
So first one to four is is is safe think of it this way we this I don't if it wasn't this it would have been a Frank
Shoei, oh
It could be a Frank Shoei right after I thought we ruled that that was ineligible. Yeah, but now that my basketball game is ruined, it's time to feel some type of way.
One.
All right.
Frank just has shockingly clean shoes.
I don't.
I need to do my toes.
Yeah.
It's like petrified wood.
One, one.
So old, it's sterile.
High game. I went to my Hi, game.
Owen is my dog, dude.
I was dead in the water, and Owen
fucking, I was underneath the ice
and he said, I can't believe that worked.
Who won?
I'm going to send the text right now.
Okay, I'm not
going to make it.
I know exactly what you're doing.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I'm doing it, Nick.
Three to one.
Big Cat, it's not going to be you.
Three to one.
Three to one.
But the wheel always brings us back.
You're trying to reverse jinx the wheel.
The wheel's just you called this man's father a loser.
Yeah.
That's so.
Repeatedly.
Is it three one?
It's three one.
I'm going to lose.
You're not going to lose.
Yeah, it is.
It's Mario Kart.
You know how the wheel works. Is this elimination? No, if I get four, I'm going to lose. You're not going to lose. Yeah, it is. It's Mario Kart. You know how the wheel works.
Wait, is this a elimination?
No, if I get four, I win.
He loses.
He's not drinking.
Yeah, I'm one away from being safe.
TJ needs to hit three in a row, which is next to impossible.
It's impossible.
Oh, you motherfuckers.
Fuckers.
You fucking assholes.
Yeah, boy, TJ.
You asshole.
It was so improbable.
I'm mentally prepared. I've already mentally prepared. I'm going to chug this milk so fast. Boy, TJ. You asshole. That was so improbable. I'm mentally prepared.
I've already mentally prepared.
I'm going to chug this milk so fast.
Text them now.
Text them fast.
All right, hold on.
Stop, stop, stop.
TJ, stop, stop, stop.
Momentum, ride the momentum.
That's all gray.
Genuinely trying to stop it.
I actually kind of want to.
I might do the gallon challenge at another time just to see if I can do it.
You can't.
Yeah, I got bad news for you, brother.
Yeah.
And it will not only, not only will you throw it up, the poop process is going to be so bad.
Anyone can become intolerant after that much lactose.
Some people sprout a new asshole after a gallon.
All right, so TJ, are you going to come sit in
here or what do you want to do? Where's the milk?
Damn good question,
brother. I think we go, TJ,
so to make it, I think
you just drink as much milk as you can in a
half hour. When you do this, your
gooch expands into a larger asshole.
It opens up the portal.
Is that fair? Are we all cool with that?
He just drinks as much milk as he can until 2.30.
And then what?
As long as it's at least a gallon.
Yeah.
So should we get two gallons just in case he gets real thirsty?
Right.
How is this so impossible?
See, this is one of those mental things.
I'm going to try it when I come back.
I think it's an enzymes game.
Yeah, I'm going to try it when I come back.
Oh, that bag looks heavy.
Yeah, it does.
Your body can't break that fast enough. All right, TJ, you want to sit in my seat? I'll do the heavy. Yeah, it does. Your body can't break it that fast, huh?
All right, TJ, you want to sit in my seat?
I'll do the controls.
Yeah, sure.
Is he allowed to pick?
Like, does he have to drink it straight from the jug,
or can he pick, like, I want to chug it out of cups?
I want to.
Or, TJ, why don't you sit in my seat?
I'll go get us all tacos.
Okay, so I know now why I thought I could do it.
I thought this was two gallons.
No.
It's one.
That's two.
You're fucked. Yeah. Never mind. I'm not trying this. That's two. You're fucked.
Yeah.
Never mind.
I'm not trying this.
We should have a trash can here.
Wait a second.
I thought this was-
You are rich.
You didn't know what a gallon was?
Oh, I thought-
For some reason,
I always thought this was two gallons.
Really?
What's the fucking-
Half gallon.
The half gallon.
Ah, see, I always buy the half gallon.
Quarts and pints are also in play.
Because no one needs a gallon of milk.
Yeah.
Only like an Irish mother of 12 needs it.
Yeah.
Or like the Grand Cows.
I buy milk.
I buy those little cartons that they sell at cafeterias.
Poor TJ.
Have that for a month.
Last week.
Yeah.
It goes bad.
Here's Zah with the trash can that certainly will be needed.
You just sip the one ounce creamers.
I ordered empanadas before the show started.
I'll just come get tacos if you're done.
All right, so TJ, just give an honest effort for a half hour so it's not that painful.
Maybe we could pull up like a power hour on YouTube.
I'll demo you for a pork one.
What a twist.
I will do whatever you get, brother. I'll just get a smorgasbord. A smile. You don't have to memo me. Yeah. What a twist. I will do whatever you get, brother.
Just get a smorgasbord.
All right.
TJ, do you generally do you like milk?
Or are you like a guy who drinks milk with dinner?
No, you're not a milk.
Pretty much never.
Never.
Okay.
Oof.
Your bones are going to be real strong.
Me and Owen are about to go get tacos.
We're going to get a smorgasbord for the fellas.
Just a nice array and the ladies.
Excuse me.
I keep on saying smorgasbord.
Shocked. Oh, he's going. He's going. Do you wantorgasbord for the fellas. Just a nice array and the ladies. Excuse me. I keep on saying that.
Oh, he's going! He's going!
You want cups?
You won't finish it right away.
He's already got a little milk mustache.
That is almost a problematic milk mustache.
It is. It's very right in the middle. Yeah.
Oh, man.
You know what counteracts a spicy taco? Milk.
Milk. Can't wait.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So TJ, I don't think you're making good time right now.
Is there, okay, so 2.30?
2 o'clock.
Yeah.
I think this next drink could get you halfway.
That would have been so heartbreaking for me if I had got it and then opened the bag
and was like, wait, that's-
That's a gallon.
A gallon.
I don't know why.
I buy half gallons every two days for my kids.
That was a big chunk you just took there.
Yeah.
I would rather chocolate milk if we have syrup in the kitchen.
Oh, I can try to find you some.
Yeah.
Let me go check.
I'll go check.
All right.
See if we have syrup.
I think that might make it harder or not.
While you're drinking it, what's your punishment going to be?
Oh, that's a good point.
I guess me and Zaha have to talk about that.
You guys should make it specifically aimed towards Big Cat.
Actually, also, by the way, Stephen shouldn't have been on that wheel.
That was a mistake by us.
He wasn't on it.
He wasn't.
Okay, all right, good, good.
What would be a good punishment?
How about you do a hanging wedge
and you have to finish the gallon of milk
before you can come down?
Or a swirly right after you chug a gallon of milk.
That would be so funny.
A swirly in a milk toilet.
A hanging swirly in a milk toilet.
Getting a swirly while you're just spraying vomit all over.
You might drown in milk puke.
That would maybe be a little much.
I was also going to like,
I was about to say that we just had such a great show of us doing nothing
but like, you know, riffing and, you know, just having a normal show.
And that happened.
Like, hey, we can do the regular shows too, guys.
I feel like TJ's going too fast now.
I see a lot of opaque plastic.
Ooh, okay.
He's about a quarter of the way done.
That isn't like a win condition.
So it's just the faster I drink, the faster I throw up.
Yeah, correct.
Correct.
You're getting it out of the way, and I feel like the win condition is puking.
See?
All right, do this.
Just see how much you can chug right now.
Just don't stop. Let's just see here we go tj tj tj tj tj tj tj tj tj tj he's like growing taller tj tj tj he's doing
it folks he's fucking chugging.
Keep chugging.
Keep chugging.
Go through the wall.
Oh, yeah.
Hit that wall.
Go through it.
All right.
Okay.
He took nothing off of that.
That's a dent.
Oh, you're sick.
Yeah, you're almost half.
They want you to puke into a clear bag.
Oh, that makes sense.
Yeah, it does.
I'll hold it for you.
It's just going to be white.
Oh, boy.
That was a gross one.
Oh, perfect.
Up an Alka-Seltzer.
Alka-Seltzer could be smart.
Fuzzy milk.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
Alk-Seltzer.
So, TJ, what is your punishment going to be?
I don't know.
The shooies.
I think the shooies should stay on the table.
Yeah.
Good.
It is quite horrific.
You want some, like, spicy sauce?
Oh, yeah. I might put hot chip like, spicy sauce? Oh, yeah.
I might put a hot chip back on the wheel.
Oh, man.
I'd rather do a gallon challenge than a hot chip.
Hot chip's really that bad?
Yes.
The pocky.
It ruins your whole day.
Yeah, it ruins the next day over.
The next day, you're feeling it all day.
Completely fine.
Day ruiner, yeah.
I'll talk this out, though.
That might be what I go with.
I'm in.
All right.
I would love to have a rat tail Alright hot chip
One chip challenge
Alright so we gotta buy the hot chip
Where can you buy that?
I think Amazon
It's like 15 bucks
Alright I'll buy it right now
Fuck
15 bucks for one chip
They are making
That is a
I mean there's like a pregnancy warning
It is horrific
I've done it before
It's horrific
We did the old ones
Yeah The ones like They came out with a hotter one right? Every year they come out with a new one warning. It is horrific. I've done it before. It's horrific. We did the old ones. Yeah.
They came out with a hotter one, right? Every year
they come out with a new one. The Pocky,
right? Yep. Alright, one chip challenge.
28 bucks. 28 bucks.
Jeez. For one? Brilliant.
That's awesome.
That is smart. Yeah. Alright.
Let's make this disgusting food expensive
and just call it a challenge. Yeah.
I think that Brandon would die
it would
we should have put Brandon on the meal
right to the store
I don't think I've ever done the hot chip
it's very bad
it does
it ruins your day and then the next day
you're like shitting jet black
I did the gummy bear
that ruined my day too.
That one didn't fuck me up that much.
It just made it feel like someone was
squeezing my stomach the entire day.
I did not like that.
Was it Tommy who was like on the floor of the bathroom?
Yeah, like naked.
Laying down naked.
Laying down naked, throwing up.
Jay, how we feeling?
He's almost halfway.
I don't know if I'm almost halfway.
I think the handle distorts it.
True.
Gets pretty wide down there, too.
Yeah.
Mercator projection.
I don't think a single thing could happen to me
that would make me lay down in the office bathroom naked.
Infructed.
Yeah, that thing.
Infructed in the office bathroom.
He's almost halfway done.
Almost halfway sucks because you're almost halfway done. Almost halfway
sucks because you're almost
kinda done. You're almost ready to puke.
Is it really bad?
Yeah, I can feel it.
You could have used immunity on this, right?
Yeah.
I've survived now two final
challenges.
The pinion wedgie was
me versus Steven.
I've done something in my past life
to earn this.
You've earned a scare, but not enough for...
Who scares in a row?
They're trying to get you on the straight and narrow.
They know there's hope in you.
I think I'm going to be the hot chip guy.
I would hate... Oh, boy.
That actually is way worse.
The gallon challenge sucks, but you're going to puke.
The hot chip, you just live with that.
Yeah, it's not enough food to puke.
Right.
Puking it would be miserable, though.
Puking it would be worse.
Oh, it would be so bad.
This is a dumb question, but would, like, a beer bong help?
Like, for a way you to do it quick?
Oh, I have something.
Do you want to try something?
I have something in my pile there. Yeah. Yes, yes, please. Keep it down to try something, I have something in my pile. Yes.
Yes, please. Keep it down, TJ, until he gets the...
Yeah, hold on.
Oh, TJ.
Working through something mentally right now.
You got it. How's the new apartment?
Good. I think the Wi-Fi guy's
out there at the apartment right now trying to set it up.
Very exciting. He'll be back seven times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wi-Fi guys never get it on the first try.
No.
No, they don't.
There he goes.
Going in for another one.
His eyes.
I can see from here that his eyes are watering.
He's got tears in the bottom corner of his eyes.
They're glistening.
I'm telling you guys, when we did the Kennesaw video, I've seen the milk throw up and it's
shut.
It's really.
It comes out. it honestly looks kind of
cool. It comes out.
Marty is getting upset.
It's not that gross. Really?
It comes back out as milk. It's just
straight white. Sometimes a little bit of red.
I've never seen the red.
But it's curdled.
Milk paired with dinner is disgusting.
It was always those kids. Yeah, the coach's son.
They would always go to his house.
He'd have a dry beef stew,
and they would always act like the milk was just delicious.
Yeah, they would have the milk in the plastic cups
that still had shoe marks around the top.
Yep.
Yeah, yeah.
What?
No, no.
When I was younger, my little sister used to put,
she would drink milk, and she'd put ice in it. No, no. When I was younger, my little sister used to put, she would drink milk and she'd put ice in it.
Ugh.
Yeah.
I remember banana milk was my favorite growing up.
Oh, yeah.
It was a powder that had bubbles on it from Powerpuff Girls.
Oh.
Strawberry milk was big, too.
You don't see that much anymore.
I don't see that much.
Never got into it.
Never got into the strawberry?
I never liked the strawberry. Just chocolate
for me. TJ, how's the plain?
Banana. When I was at school, they had chocolate milk on.
Plain's going good, though. Sorry we didn't have syrup.
Chocolate milk on tap? Oh, fine.
I thought you meant airplane. We had so good.
We had milkshake-flavored
milk at our school. It was very, very vanilla.
It was purple, like the
can or the box.
The silk?
Very vanilla?
No, it was actual milk.
Oh, yeah.
What the hell is this?
That's one of those viral squirt guns.
It's a shotgun can.
You put the can in and then you shotgun it into your mouth.
What?
Cock it to crack the can. I'm down to pour the milk in there to try.
Whoa.
We're trying.
It's actually pretty cool.
That's super cool.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Mincy.
You want to try to pour milk in it?
Whoa.
All right.
Is that wasting milk?
I mean, I don't care if it wastes a little bit.
Well, that would be in your favor, right?
So you'd want to try this.
It'd be crazy not to.
Okay, let's try it.
You think we can go buy a can of milk?
Yeah, yeah. Tall boy. I'll put my finger over this. It'd be crazy not to. Okay, let's try it. You think we can go buy a can of milk? Yeah, yeah.
Tallboy.
I'll put my finger over this. Oh, TJ,
you are struggling. Yeah, I'm
working through. I mean, he's drank a ton of it
compared, like, he's doing way better
than I thought. This is going to be horrific.
Oh, my God. Is this getting on camera yet?
Yes. Is it just coming right out
the end? Nope, nothing's coming out yet.
Oh, my God, this is is gonna be terrible
No
No
Minty came to take his bag
And unplugged your mic
Oh dang
Oh what happened
Did you forget
Oh this room is gonna stink
What
That's how it's done That can't be the case This room is going to stink. I think I just... No. No?
You drink out of here.
What?
That's how it's done?
That can't be the case.
So you put a can in, then you go like this, and it cracks the can.
Oh, and you do drink out of the other end.
It's kind of drizzling out of the front.
It is.
We've all been there.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe it's not as good. You know, that part, the drizzle can't get you pregnant.
Thanks, Kate.
Oh!
We know it can.
Yeah.
Is it working?
Oh, yeah.
Pump it.
Puck it.
What's going on?
Oh, yeah!
Oh, you look...
Oh, buddy.
Just throw it out in the trash.
Oh, my God.
We could...
Actually, you know what?
Save it.
We'll use it. We'll use it.
We'll use it.
We could have got this sponsored by dairy.
The milk's all dried up in it.
Well, no.
I'll go put it in the shower.
Shot fun.
You're actually doing pretty well.
You're 10.
That's how we're going to clean it.
We're just going to leave it in the shower.
There's no chance.
No, there's a winning respect.
This is not like a, this has been done before.
This is not impossible.
I think it is.
It's supposed to be impossible.
Your body's not supposed to break down this.
Remember the, yo, can I get this on barstool?
And we had the kid who chugged the entire bottle of Pink Whitney.
Yes.
He's got an Instagram page where he does nothing but chug stuff,
and he has one where he chugs a whole gallon of milk. Like two seconds. Yes. He's got an Instagram page where he does nothing but chug stuff and he has one
where he chugs
a whole gallon of milk.
Like two seconds.
Yeah.
But it takes a little training
I guess.
Right.
You could definitely do it.
Not anymore.
L.A. Beast could now.
I don't know L.A. Beast
but I used to be
a big cactus guy.
Does anyone have a funnel?
No.
I don't think we're
going to make it that far.
We're not going to make it that far.
Oh no.
He's getting
defeatism. He's not going to make it that far. Oh, no. He's defeated him.
He's going back to the shotgun.
Oh, my gins.
All right.
I'll go wash out the shotgun because that's something I will definitely forget to do.
Wow.
Want me to go wash it out?
I feel like you're leaving so you don't have to be here when he throws up.
No, I want to be here.
I can't throw up.
What are you thinking of the world?
Oh, I just heard that swallow.
I was like, oh, God.
That was his stomach.
How are you?
I can watch it.
Yeah.
I'm not great with it.
I'm not good with it.
Oh, I think I even like it.
Very sad. Happening? There's something happening. Oh, God. I think I even like it. What's happening?
There's something happening.
Oh, God.
Maybe shake yourself up a little bit.
Bag ready.
Maybe a couple, yeah.
A little jumping jacks.
I have to commend you for it.
You're really still.
You're really putting it down.
You're really giving it your all.
Oh, my God.
Oh, good boy.
I feel sick.
Someone tried to claim that if you mix balsamic vinaigrette with LaCroix,
it tastes just like Coca-Cola.
What?
What?
What flavor of LaCroix?
Dumb bitch on TikTok.
Convincing everyone.
Nick came in the other day with half coffee, half orange juice on ice.
Half coffee, half orange juice, half Coke.
What? Yes. It was like a real drink he paid for.
Horrible. From where?
Cool coffee shop down the street
that has the semicolon
as a...
The clear cups or whatever.
Semicolon?
Or a colon, maybe.
Yeah.
It's called, like, and coffee.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, he's going in for more.
Oh, Big Head's got a funnel.
Oh, no. Oh, yeah Head's got a funnel. Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
What is that?
What is that?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, that'll work, TJ.
I think that's where you put it in.
You suck it out.
It's like a giant syringe.
It's going to instantly throw up if we attempt that.
Yeah.
Let's end this misery.
Wow.
Wow.
What?
Is that how you do it?
Yeah.
Fuck her out.
Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, that's definitely not how you do it. Fuck her out Oh yeah
Oh god
Oh that's definitely not how you do it
You guys have just been doing everything backwards
Why would that be the way
Oh no
Yeah that's just
Yeah
Yeah that didn't seem like the right way to fill it up
We are so dumb Seems like a violation Yeah, that didn't seem like the right way to fill it up.
We are so dumb.
It seems like a violation.
It's based in your mouth.
Yeah, you suck.
Wait, suck all the milk out.
Put it in his mouth and pull it out.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I heard that. Oh, God.
There's a few coming.
There's a few coming.
Oh, man. You're really doing good, though. You's a few coming. There's a few coming.
Oh, man.
You're really doing good, though.
Like, you still have 15 minutes left.
I just need to keep finding different contraptions where we can spill out a little bit of milk.
Yeah.
Yeah, help him out a little bit.
This feels like the scene in Stand By Me
with the pie-eating scene.
Yeah.
Where everyone starts throwing up.
You just randomly hear the kid's stomach. Yep. It'd be awesome if we pie eating scene. Yeah. Where everyone starts throwing up. You just randomly hear
the kid's stomach.
Yep.
It'd be awesome
if we all threw up.
Yeah.
No.
This could be like yesterday.
Everyone could come in
and start taking shots
of milk for you.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Where's the shot glass?
If you can get people
to drink some milk
I think we'll
He's already in puke territory.
Although I would like you to puke.
I don't know.
Oh he is.
If you puke you're done. Let's get some puke territory. Although I would like you to puke. I don't know. Oh, he is. If you puke, you're done.
Let's get some people in here and do some shots of milk.
He's doing a good job, folks.
You're making a lot of progress.
He is.
Really?
A lot of progress.
Genuinely shocked.
Stephen Chay is just not even here.
Can we watch money shots?
I.
Oh, boy.
Oh, let's cut to him?
Yeah, make sure you're on TJ.
Just stay on TJ. Probably important.
There's something about his eyes that have changed in the last 30 seconds.
There he is.
Yeah, the TJ we know is dead.
He's gone.
Long dead.
Daily one of Glennie's OnlyFans girls comes out right as I'm...
Oh, yeah.
I might puke with you.
Oh.
Wow.
Jesus, TJ, buddy.
Mental toughness being displayed right now.
It's going to be a good show.
Yeah.
Good job.
Would you like to compete for less milk?
We got some leftover KB's Wild.
Less milk, but more Gatorade.
Stephen Che tweeted this back in 2009.
Fill in the blank.
We owe Stephen an apology.
Baron Davis did quote.
The manual retweet.
Remember when you would hit retweet? Yeah, RT.
Dave was doing that for a solid year after it had switched.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Yeah?
Oh, no.
Things are happening.
Things are happening.
Things have been.
I think you've got to go one hardcore chug, and then you'll just start puking.
Put yourself out of this misery, TJ.
Whoa.
Uh-oh.
TJ, you know what I think?
Stand up.
The problem is TJ is the one who controls the cameras.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Can we zoom out?
Zoom out on him here, because if he pukes, he's going to lean over and you're going to miss it.
Yeah, keep zooming.
Keep zooming.
If he does this, there has to be more of a reward than...
I'll give you $300 cash if you do this.
I'll throw in $50.
Here we go, $350.
Do we have another $50 from anyone in the audience?
$50 from Nikki. All right, $400. You got $400 now in $50. Here we go, $350. Do we have another $50 from anyone in the audience? $50 from Nikki.
All right, $400.
You got $400 now.
$400.
Sass, KB.
I'll throw in $50.
$50, that's $450.
I'll bump mine up to another $50.
That's $500.
New apartment.
I'm going to go $200.
Oh, whoa.
No, no, no.
$50.
KB will give you his camel back from yesterday.
Yes.
Oh, God.
Worth $120. That's $620 worth of value. back from yesterday. Yes. Oh, God. Worth $120.
That's $620 worth of value.
You're almost done.
Oh, my God.
He's almost done.
It's royalty-free inspirational rap.
He's doing it, folks.
Oh, my God.
He's doing it.
Oh, this might be the one that makes him puke.
There we go.
Now TJ, finish.
Fill in the blank in this Che tweet.
Answer the question.
Answer the question, TJ.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, yes.
No.
I'm staring at the.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
He's eating McDonald's watching this.
This is awesome.
I love puke so much.
Take another sip of milk.
I'm trying to find a change.
Oh, no.
What a fucking beast.
I'm sweating.
I'm sweating.
Oh, my God. This a fucking beast. Oh, I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Oh, my God.
This man is built different, folks.
Oh, my God.
Sass looks like he's trying to shield his eyes from a murder.
Sass looks like his parents are fighting in the other room.
He's got his fingers in his ears.
Oh, I hate that he's drinking more.
DJ, don't do it, man.
Oh, he's a beast, folks.
And he's committed.
Wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend.
We could cut ties with all the lives that you've been living in.
And if you do not want to drink milk again, we would understand.
We would understand. TJ.
We would understand.
Okay.
What's going on?
TJ, what was this Stephen Che tweet about?
Who was it about?
Look at this.
Look what's happening right now.
January 2013, Stephen tweeted,
how are you going to be on your second engagement?
I'll give him the money.
Pregnant with kid number three, and you still got braces.
Wait, what was Che's tweet?
This is a great crossover now.
What was Che's tweet?
Che's tweet, this was about a certain person.
How are you going to be on your second engagement, pregnant with kid number three, and you still got braces?
What?
Oh, my God.
You want to know the answer?
Is this Amber Rose?
Yeah, who is it, Steven?
No, it's Leah from Teen Mom 2.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
The hashtag TM2 and Leah.
Wow.
Oh, my God. TJ, this is incredible.
Oh my god, he's still going.
Oh my god.
I'm going to throw up.
Oh my god.
My jaw is on the floor.
This is insane.
You got it?
TJ, what's your vent?
I don't know why Seth's covering his ears.
It's the puke sound.
He doesn't like gurgles.
I don't mind the puke, actually.
It's just the sounds.
TJ, hit me with the Venmo.
Yep, hit me with the Venmo.
Oh, yeah, hit me with the Venmo.
Oh, TJ's Venmo is TJ Hitchings.
Yeah, everyone hit that up.
Everybody listening.
Smack that shit.
Hit that boy's Venmo
oh my god
oh he's puking again
oh I'm sorry
TJ
what is it TJ Hitchings
oh
holy shit oh that was Oh. Oh. Holy shit.
Oh, that was the worst sound.
Oh, that was the worst sound.
Straight milk.
Straight milk.
That was the worst sound.
Oh.
Oh.
Holy fuck.
Oh, this is funny.
On Venmo, you can use the baby's bottle for what I'm paying him for.
Oh, my God.
I'm sending TJ 50 right now.
Holy shit.
I'm just sending you 300, TJ.
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
You got to finish it, though.
You got to finish the gallon.
I'm sending TJ.
Oh, look at that
Oh my god
That was incredible
You got some more in you
Don't leave
You gotta get more out
Are you gonna puke again?
Oh yeah
Oh no
A gallon of vomit is so much.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me get a picture.
Yeah.
Milk always wins.
Oh, my God.
Milk always wins.
Nothing.
Well, Slumdog Millionaire.
Oh, man.
You did that fast, dude.
Did beat milk, didn't it?
Mm-hmm.
You did that fucking fast.
22 minutes.
Holy fuck.
Yeah, that wasn't pretty good.
That was impressive. How are you feeling? You got to pu that was pretty good. That was impressive.
How are you feeling?
You got to puke more, though.
That's crazy.
You got more left.
Bad.
What else do you have to do today?
One word, bad.
Brandon Walker's show with Rico Bosco.
Oh, no.
He's easy to work with.
I'm sure he won't give you a hard time.
That was crazy.
So those tacos are coming?
Yeah.
Do you think you could eat?
You should wait until they get here and then puke right as they arrive.
As soon as they get here.
Oh, man.
TJ, you're a hero, dude.
Could you puke a little bit right now?
Like if you could force some out.
I haven't really thought about it.
Can we grab somebody in here and just be like, tell TJ a joke?
And he just throws up milk.
That would be so funny.
Oh, man.
I need all those clips of all those pukes, please,
for my personal files.
Super cut.
Is there also a way to increase the sound?
Because two of those pukes, the sound.
It sounded like a waterfall crashing.
Wow. Wow.
I love this show so much.
All right, I guess that's the show, right?
Yeah.
TJ the King.
Oh, TJ.
And then what's on the wheel now?
The hot chip.
The hot chip.
I ordered the hot chip.
It's on its way.
I need another element to the hot chip.
TJ Hitchcock on Venmo.
Wait, you have to do some sort of obstacle
course right after you eat it.
There's no visual entertainment
in just watching someone suffer
from spice.
I think there is. You think?
Yes. I want more.
I think doing the hot chip
will be very funny. And watching him sit here. Let's do a hot chip will be very funny and watching him sit here.
Let's do a hot chip spelling bee.
You have to eat the hot chip and spell.
If you get it wrong, there's a penalty.
Here's what we'll do.
It might be like a PD.
Whoever wins the hot chip, because we've been doing the wheel later in the show,
it will be the next show, and they have to do the hot chip right at the start of the show.
And then they have to do something.
So that way people can watch them for the entire show deal with the hot chip. at the start of the show. And then they have to do something. So that way people can watch them for the entire show
deal with the hot chip.
Yeah.
TJ, you're the kid. You have to do some type of web
seminar immediately after
a presentation. You have to give a PowerPoint.
Yeah, actually that works.
Because you'll have a day to prepare.
So you have to give a presentation after
eating the hot chip. Yes.
Okay. Alright, that's beautiful.
On the first random Wikipedia article you go to.
Yeah.
Just any subject that you're passionate about.
I want them to do a Zoom presentation for a high school class.
Oh, we could probably set that up.
Like a summer school class.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guest speaker.
Call Kate's high school.
We should start doing seminars. We should see if any colleges.
Didn't we try and enroll in a college at one point?
Kate tried to enroll in UTEP.
He got denied.
I didn't get any notice from them.
You didn't get in. I didn't get in. No way.
They had 100% acceptance rate.
Not anymore.
99.9. It's fucked up.
Still different.
See everyone. I'm going to be out.
I'm going to miss you guys a lot
miss you more
please don't get wet wheel
if you get wet wheel
call me and I will
wet wheel
myself
okay
see everyone tomorrow
good job TJ
great We'll be right back. It's the X