The Yak - Ugandan Football Coach Wonton Don is Back from Africa | The Yak 11-15-23
Episode Date: November 15, 2023SudsyYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up.
What the heck?
Oh, gee.
JV's dumper looks good today.
Hello, it's the Yak.
Sponsored by Roback.
Roback.com.
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Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.
What the fuck is that, Nick?
What's what? Oh. Uh-oh. This isn'tos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. What the fuck is that, Nick? What's what?
Oh.
Uh-oh.
This isn't mine.
Never have I.
Oh, okay.
It's Joey.
I can't.
He's a minority.
I can't say anything about Joey.
It's a one-year anniversary of Stella Blue.
Thank you to everyone who's bought it.
Joey and Pat are here.
I have beef with Joey. Thank you for having us.
You got beef with Joey?
Well, you got a lot of things we got to ask you about.
Yeah.
He's got beef with Pat and Joe
I got one anecdote
I wanted to just share
God damn it
Fuck
What?
Oh
What the hell was that?
Did Nicky Smokes prank you?
Oh he got me
There's a mousetrap in there
Did Nicky Smokes get Brandon?
Brandon that scared me
I thought you were dying I thought you were I thought you were having a kidney stone or something.
Yeah, I thought it was a stroke.
Did Brandon just get smoked?
Did you just get Nikki smoked?
Did you just get smoked?
Was it smoked?
Yeah, hey Joey.
He got fucking smoked.
It wasn't smoked.
Oh, it wasn't smoked.
It wasn't smoked.
The mousetrap was coming from inside the room. You should have said it fucking smoked. It wasn't smoked. Oh, it wasn't smoked. It wasn't smoked.
The mousetrap was coming from inside the room.
You should have said it was smoked.
It was smoked.
Yeah, it was smoked.
Did it get you?
Yeah.
The perfect crime.
Just be like, yeah, it's smoked.
We should start doing that.
Dude, I put that.
Like shaving Brandon's head and be like, it was smoked. Yeah, it was smoked.
You broke the headphones.
You broke the headphones.
No, these are easy.
Jesus.
I honestly thought that a 5% chance of death.
That reaction was morbid.
It was a lot.
I was very scared.
That could not have gone any better.
I thought there was no chance that it would possibly work.
It was perfect.
There was no chance that it would work.
Because I felt something.
Because it didn't get my butt.
I put it right behind the cushion.
So I thought when you sit down
the cushion would hit it.
It would go off
but it would be...
You hit him a little bit.
You have a little red mark on you.
What?
Are you owling?
I pinched him.
Come on.
I pinched him.
You look thin today, Brandon.
I pinched him.
I didn't know you got pinched, Brandon.
I'm sorry.
Joey, did you see KB's ass?
Ow.
It was hard not to see it.
Can you stand up
and give Joey a gander that looks like Louie's? not to see it can you stand up and turn it
show give Joey a gander
it's gotten big
it hasn't gotten bigger
it's gotten bigger
it's gotten way bigger
100 air squats a day
you're wearing ass pants today
well he knew who was going to be in the office
yeah you can just leave it right there
I ordered my lunch the wrong time
Joey and Pat are wearing the new anus merch.
Discord exclusive.
Thanks, guys.
I didn't know.
Hell, yes.
I'll be dropping black Friday.
This is not gay.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you guys have the ass and dick thing?
Yes.
Like straight guys have with the tits and ass?
Ass and dick?
Yeah, yeah.
More of a dick guy or an ass guy?
It's dick versus balls, I think.
Yeah, would you be like, that guy's got good balls?
Ooh. Yeah, you could. Yeah, that guy's got good balls? Ooh.
Yeah, you could.
Yeah, because I've been with people who have had bad balls.
I'm an ass man regardless, so I'm kind of out of it.
Would you rather be with a guy with good dick, bad balls, bad balls, good dick?
Good dick, bad balls.
Do you guys both have boyfriends right now or no?
I do, yes.
I don't.
What happened?
He's watching right now.
He's watching right now.
Can you say hi to Bae?
Say hi, Bae.
Hey, what's up, Bae?
We call it quits.
I call it quits.
Oh.
Yeah.
So if anyone wants to suck my cock in Chicago, I'm available.
You can go on It's Only Fantasy and preview.
He posted a picture of the trunk of his cock earlier.
I did, yeah.
I posted a preview of the trunk of my cock.
He's been taking – he's staying with me.
Yeah.
He's been taking – he's filming content in my apartment.
That's not true.
I'm not filming content in your apartment.
Did you have the, I texted TJ a photo of how I woke up.
Nick doesn't have a ceiling in the bedroom.
So good.
Brandon knows.
Everybody knows.
Oh my God.
Holy shit.
All right, so I knew you didn't have a ceiling.
He was slithering up there.
I didn't know you had a viewing balcony.
He has a viewing balcony.
Wait, do you have a roof deck too?
That's my room up there.
Oh, up the spiral staircase?
Yeah.
Dude, your place is sick.
Very sick.
It doesn't really feel like a place.
It's more of a, Moot calls it an arena.
It's an arena.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, Pat was just saying that we got to convince Joey to move to Chicago.
Yeah.
And Joey said never in a million years.
I haven't been to Boys Town yet, so I can't judge it by that yet.
Is it different than the – I've been to the West Loop.
I like that.
That's where we are now.
I like River North.
That was nice.
You would only live in New York, Miami, or L.A., correct?
I can't live in Miami.
I don't speak the language.
But I would live in L.A.
Okay, but that's it.
U.S.
No.
Well, New York, yeah.
But my dream is when I leave the city to go to Hudson Valley area.
Oh.
Beautiful up there.
That's a trend.
Rhinebeck?
Anywhere up there.
Rhinebeck.
Beacon.
Beacon.
Hudson.
Any of those cute towns because they're cute around.
That's where all the Hollywood actors that are a little tired live.
That's where I'm going to go.
Paul Rudd lives up there.
Yeah, yeah.
Like Douglas.
Yeah, he just wears
like a sweatshirt every day
and looks good
going to get coffee
he's like I'm Paul Rudd
that would be boring
you wouldn't want to
actually live up there
yes I would
it would be boring
I'd have a garden
I'd have a garden
I could plant begonias
I could have perennials
I guess
that's a lot
but I think you should
I think you should
give Chicago a year try
I don't
I was telling them earlier there's no one that's from Chicago or lives in Chicago has main character energy and it's a lot But I think you should I think you should give Chicago a year try I don't I was telling them earlier
There's no one
That's
No one that's from Chicago
Or lives in Chicago
Has main character energy
And it's a very tough
It's a big thing
That's why I love it
I was an actor
I mean people are
I'm not saying
There's not talented
Amazing people here
But I'm just saying
For like that bitch
We're all extras
Yeah
Yeah
I'm concerned with that bitch
And I just don't
I didn't say anything
About that No you're not wrong That's my favorite part Yeah That's a compliment Think about it I'm concerned with that bitch I didn't say anything about that
No you're not wrong
That's my favorite part
I moved from
Paris to Chicago
It's not a city you come to
To be the most fabulous version of yourself
But wouldn't you want to be surrounded by
He's not wrong
Good home values
A clean city
A great place to raise families
But you want to be main character
I'm that bitch
So I need to have an area that can support that
I need the infrastructure that can support that
And I don't know that Chicago has that
That makes perfect sense
I've not bumped into any that bitch in Chicago
Doesn't that just mean there's a vacuum
And that there's A throne there for the taking For you to come in and any that bitch in Chicago. Doesn't that just mean there's a vacuum and that there's a throne there for the taking
for you to come in and be that bitch?
Yeah, you could be.
No one is that bitch.
What would I be?
Italian beef queen or beefqueen.com?
Well, yeah.
What would her legacy be?
I don't know.
Chicago, a Midwestern.
I don't know.
Where's your guys' show tonight?
Tonight?
It's tonight.
Tonight.
Zany's Rosemont.
Still any tickets? No, it's sold out in tonight? Tonight? It's tonight. Tonight. Zany's Rosemont. Still any tickets?
No, it's sold out in two days.
I'm sorry.
Love that.
But no one told me that Rose were basically performing in fucking.
At O'Hare.
We're at O'Hare.
We're in Terminal D.
If we're in New York, if we're in New York, where would we be performing as far as proximity
to Rosemont?
You would be performing in.
Perth Amboy.
Like.
Yeah.
No, you.
West Islip. You'd be in like Amboy. Like. Yeah. No. West Islip.
You'd be in like Long Island.
Like.
Yeah.
Western Long Island.
Oh, like that far?
No, no.
Not.
But it's only 30 minutes.
Yeah.
Very western.
Western Long Island closer to the city.
Great choice, Trish.
It's only 30 minutes from the city.
It's actually a beautiful.
They made.
So, Rosemont, where they used to have WNBA teams play out there,
DePaul used to play out there.
They made this little town center that has a bunch of restaurants,
like Joe's on Weed.
There's Joe's on Weed out there.
Oh, let's go to Joe's on Weed.
So it's cool.
You never been to that bar?
I thought you guys did a show there.
Did we?
Do we do a Joe's on Weed?
It's Weed Street, so it's Joe's.
Oh, maybe.
Joe's Bar.
But yeah, there's like a nice little area up there.
WrestleMania 22 is there.
And I figure it's like 30 minutes from, it takes like 30 minutes to get to the East Village
from the office.
Right.
But it's like 15 miles out here.
Right.
So it's scary.
Right.
But like we said-
You guys will be fine.
We sell tickets and you don't have to come to the show.
As long as you buy the tickets.
I like that. That's the support that we need.
Yeah.
No show show an empty room.
Yeah.
That'd be a dream.
So I have more room to get my chair in.
Yeah.
Main character energy.
Last night I had to share this one anecdote.
I got absolutely embarrassed beyond belief.
I went to the basketball game last night.
Titus, you were there.
Yeah.
You were there.
Yeah.
I was there for the first game.
And a black guy came up to me. He was like, yo. fuck yes like yeah that's awesome that's sick and he goes club trillion oh shit i was like wrong guy and then he just
walked away still kind of cool though yeah it hurt it hurt cool for you yeah very cool for you
also not cool for you is it cool for you. Also not cool for you.
Is it cool for me?
No, that's cool for you.
That's great for you.
That's yours.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have been getting fatter.
Have you put on weight?
Yeah, I've put on a little bit of weight.
You?
Did your diet change?
Like five to ten, but I needed to.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I was a skinny little bitch.
Yeah.
So what are you guys doing in your show tonight?
Well, I'm going to be doing A live gender reveal
Okay
Of yourself
Of myself
Okay
You have to tune in
To find out what it is
I'll be there
We do a lot of crowd
Our thing is like
A bachelor party
On drugs
You know it's alcohol
But it's a bachelorette party
Sorry
I feel like the drugs
Are implied with you
Yeah
So it's like
The girls
It's all shit
They party
They're loud
They got big tits They got hair high to god these girls show up and show out
hair high to god yeah we have we have like a formula that we use that we kind of plug in
different things as we go so we we open it up with something like city center we do philly
segment here is chicago i was picking white socks dave Brain. I don't know if that's the right guy. Yeah. White Sox Dave will get you
where you need to be content-wise. We did that and then we got a bunch of
other stuff going on. We spill secrets about ourselves.
We do some crowd work. We do games. It's just a lot of involvement.
It's like your best girls night out ever. There's drinking. We talk about sex.
We get vulnerable. We just kind of share our, you know.
Are you going, Kyle?
Yeah, man.
I'll be there.
Your audience is mostly straight women?
It's all straight women.
Yeah.
Seriously?
We count the men in the audience.
It's just like maybe there's three men in the audience.
We count them out and we pull them out.
Dude, that's shooting fish in a barrel, dude.
You should open for these guys.
Dude, I opened for them one time.
Yeah, you did.
I thought I was going to be all gay, dude, so I wrote like gay material.
And then I come out to Laugh Boston. and it was, like, 300 blonde chicks,
and I just ate a dick for 12 minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We call them the man mafia.
We're actually having man mafia merch, official merch,
going to be launching for Black Friday.
Don't put it on a golf shirt.
No, no, no.
Oh, God.
It's not a golf shirt.
Oh, man.
It's a spot, Nick.
Huh?
You're in a tough spot.
Will you like Will?
Will will be here tomorrow.
People are saying this is like what a kid feels like when their parents fight.
Yeah.
No.
This is like if your brother went up to you and he's like, I'm going to go fight God.
Oh.
No.
And I have a similar relationship.
Like with a brother, you text them, they text you back, they'll do anything for you, they'll
hop on your show.
And then God, you just think about him at night real hard um and that's kind of what's
going on you know um will's video got me fired up it was the best of those videos yeah i went to the
pantry yeah he just always anytime he will and jerry are the two guys that if they post like a
10 minute video watch i watched the whole thing yeah and then he added the fart to the end credits.
That was great.
Who won that?
Will won, right?
Obviously.
He added the fart.
Yeah, he added the fart.
It's hard to come back from the fart.
One fart to zero.
Yeah.
With the scoreboard.
And that's how you tout it.
One fart, everyone knows the rules.
That's it.
I don't know what they ruled it.
I know they were doing it on Barstool Radio.
They hashed it out?
Yeah.
I don't know if it was a hash out or more beef.
It is funny that Will, and Will's not the smartest guy.
We'll tell him that to his face when he comes here tomorrow.
His plan to do a fake beef, he just waited long enough and he got rigs into a real beef.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
If they were smart, they would do-
Will Compton.
Oh, yeah.
I know him.
They would do a collab right now.
What if this is the fake beef?
This could be the fake beef.
Are we getting work?
It's real.
I've seen it in person.
They're beef in person?
You guys don't like each other?
I think it's a little bit real.
Oh, shit.
I think Riggs should start doing football content.
Yeah.
Eye for an eye.
He'll fuck that up, though.
Yeah, I thought of you right away, Nick.
Yeah, I didn't sleep last night.
You're watching me.
You're watching me.
He thinks I'm the worst house guest because I left a Kit Kat wrapper out.
No, he was swiffering at 7 in the morning this morning.
He keeps a clean voice.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what is this?
Sting.
You look like you're about to hit him with a mean Swanton bomb off the top of your head.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was chilling on top of the bathroom.
The thing is, you stand there for hours.
Why did you leave the Kit Kat wrapper?
I pissed me off.
I was high.
Oh.
Where are you staying, Joey?
I'm staying at a hotel.
I like to have my own space.
Do you know what I mean?
I need my things I need to be able to lay out all my skincare products
And binge eat
You like ceilings on the rooms you're sleeping in
Yeah
But you and I was Zah and Dan from Security last night
What a crew
Those two are thick as thieves
Zah went to a
Staten Island
We had a whole episode about it
There's like a brunch that they do once a month on Staten Island that you have to pay for.
That's like a rager.
Like a full-on rager.
Zah went and got real fucked up with Danny in Staten Island.
The boys.
That's last night.
I call it the Motley Crue.
Or the Odd Thrupple.
Yeah.
How late were you guys out?
Not late because Dan had to draw,
Dan had to get there at eight o'clock.
Zah, I forget the thing about Zah is
he's a quarter of my size.
So he, I mean, he had like one drink
that wasn't even that strong, like a single,
and he was like twirled.
Zah, were you twirled?
Yeah, Zah, is that true?
Twirled?
Twirled last night?
Zah got twirled.
A little bit.
We had a great time and Zah kept is that true? Twirled. Zah got twirled. A little bit. We had a great time, and Zah kept saying,
we have no right all being together.
It's like literally a racist ex-cop, a gay,
and a Nigerian little person are all going out together.
This is the brunch.
This is the brunch?
It's the bathtub.
King.
They have that once a month on Staten Island?
That looks awesome.
Yeah, once a month.
Happy divorce?
Happy divorce, Justina.
Justina is the most Jersey name ever.
But we were out last night.
We met a girl who had some inside tea about Billy football at the bar.
She goes, you guys are from Barstow, right?
She goes, I have a story about Billy football.
I'm nervous about
this story. You want to text it to me first?
It's not bad.
You would know if it's good or not. It's not bad.
Yeah. I believe you.
Joey? Yeah.
He would know. I trust Pat.
I don't trust Joey. It has nothing to do with Joey. Did you tell
me this? No. It's nothing sexual.
It's about when he was
an intern somewhere.
Okay.
Shall I proceed?
Yes, proceed. I think it's okay.
Proceed.
Yeah.
No, it's okay.
It's just true Billy style.
So some woman said that she goes, you know, she recognizes Zana.
She goes, oh, I have a story about Billy football.
Apparently he used to intern at her place of work.
Okay.
And he's working there for three months.
And he would come in every day and be very himself,
very not know what's going on, and have a good time.
But then he worked there for a whole summer, maybe three or four months.
And the last day, he went into the boss's office, the second to last day, and he goes,
so what do we do here?
He had no clue what they did.
Yeah, that's perfect, Bill.
It was like a finance thing, the same relationship, I guess,
what his father does or something.
So it's like he should know everything,
but he literally had genuinely had no clue what he was doing
for the entire three months that he worked there.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Or what they did there.
He probably doesn't know what we do at Barstool.
Yeah.
He's like, wait a minute.
What do you guys do here?
How does it work?
How does it work? Yeah, that's what he was saying. That's great. Go to your boss's office you guys do here how does it work how does it work yeah
that's a great go to your boss's office be like how does it work what work everything i had a job
for two years i didn't know what i was doing well graphic design yeah i was uh like semi it was like
marketing i didn't know what i was doing at all i don't know what marketing yeah. I chilled. Still don't. Marketing?
It's like, it's just like emailing. Yeah.
Were you a good accountant,
Mook? I was good for the first
year, and then I fucked right off.
Okay. Yeah, I got burnt out.
What does that look like when you fuck right off?
Do you fuck up the numbers?
You type in whatever numbers you want.
You can
fudge the numbers, but you stop working late.
You stop doing the extra stuff.
You start going to open mics and showing up to work hungover.
You do the whole nine.
You're speaking to a podcast called Anus.
All the usual stuff people do when they start fucking.
Yeah, you tell your boss you got monkey pox.
He thinks you're gay, so it's fine.
He buys it.
That kind of thing.
Is monkey pox a gay thing?
It went away quickly
You guys get the worst of them
It's almost like God is mad
Yeah it's true
Do you have monkey pox? Have you ever had it?
No I didn't go
I wore it exclusively in turtlenecks that month
Wait what?
It was skin by skin contact
It wasn't a gay thing but it just turned out that gays were
rubbing against each other. They all had it in the nightclubs
with their tops off.
That's how it was spreading.
It was a disease spread by the act of dance.
It was the gayest fucking thing.
It is the gayest thing ever.
Oh my god.
It's quasi dancing with your shirt off.
They won up AIDS.
And that's how Brandon got his first case of monkeypox
Oh my god
You're asking for it
So God is fucking with us
Literally
Yeah
We start our shows
With a prayer
What's next
When I do a tablescape
I get fucking
Fucking venereal disease
They're singling us out
Act of dance
It's the gayest
Fucking disease you can get Monkeypox I'm trying to think of It was done by skin like anyone could have gotten it I don't remember I was afraid of it
I guess anyone could use a dirty needle too so that was an AIDS joke oh my oh that's so perfect
uh TJ Jake's ready to shower yeah he's waiting for our signal We didn't plan this
Wait, is this happening?
We were going to teach him how to shower on our show
We wanted him to come to the shower and you soap him in the shower
You can still do that
Yeah, you guys can go soap him up
Show him how to do it
Yeah, soap him down
Wait, I have a question for your audience real quick before Jake showers
So why is it all women?
Why are gay guys not
Gay guys are jealous of us
Oh
No, the thing is that we're successful.
Because you're that big. We're models. We make,
you know, a lot of money.
It's like, people...
I think you underestimate. We definitely have gay fans.
We do have gay fans. They don't show up to the shows, though.
Every time we find them, the meet and greets, we count them
out by name. We single them out. We say,
one queen stands before us. And then as it
builds, we say, twelve queens stand
before us. We've been getting more and more.
More and more.
I think I have more gay fans than you.
You're more women heavy.
Yeah.
I don't read well with the gays.
No.
Why is that?
You don't test well with the gays?
He does.
You just reject them.
No, because they just like Pat because they have this obsession with straight acting guys.
And Pat is trying to act like-
I'm a kink.
Uh-oh. But why don't the gays like you
the gays love joey he's just are you too gay i think i'm too gay you still they're like even
i don't know why i just i just vibe more with a girl you know you know i'm biologically a woman
so yeah okay you still fuck them though right girls you figured your friend i figured my friend
jen on the couch once. Oh.
It was a Jennifer Convertibles and her name was Jen.
It was like a fucking 22.
Wait, what?
The Jennifer Convertibles, that was the name of the couch.
Okay.
And her name was Jennifer.
Okay.
Of course that was the name of the couch.
We all should have known that. And I fingered her on the couch.
You did two in the stink, one in the pink.
No, I didn't go to the back door.
Oh.
I had press-ons on.
How did the pussy feel?
I couldn't lose one. It was like playful, I didn't go to the back door. I had press-ons on. How did the pussy feel? I couldn't lose one.
It was playful, right? I was trying to be serious, but I kept
giggling, so she couldn't finish.
She asked you to do it?
It just happened. We make out all the time
as a joke.
It was a funny joke. Now the joke is my fingers
are inside.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm just watching. You're shaking up.
I don't have consternation.
Consternation?
No, no, no.
I'm just enjoying the boys here.
Have you guys ever had
Brandon on your show?
We've been on his wrestling show
that's not around anymore.
Right, correct.
But no, you always said
you were going to have me,
but you never had me.
Why not?
I'm asking you.
Do this on me.
She always writes to me.
She's the one that books the talent.
We'd love to have you
on the show right after this. No, you wouldn't love to have me or you would have done it. We can have you on the show, Brandon. I mean, you. She looks right to me. She's the one that looks the talent. We'd love to have you on the show right after this.
No, you wouldn't love to have me on the show.
Or you would have done it.
We can have you on the show, Brandon.
I mean, what would you want to talk about?
That's the question.
What does anybody talk about on your show?
Well, Jennifer Convertibles.
Jen on the couch.
I'm out on that.
We talk about pussy.
We talk about pussy?
I can talk about pussy.
Talk about locker rooms.
Tits.
Tits. You can talk about tits. You can talk about locker rooms tits tits you could talk about tits you're talking
about mississippi sports well no that's not as exciting we talk about mostly sports we could
talk about that yeah sure whenever you guys are ready i'll come over there we talk about that
cool flag you have hanging in your living room what's the one that's like red and there's the
x it looks like a brit flag, but it's not.
It's like a hybrid.
Well, it's not in my living room.
It's on my chest.
Yeah.
I keep it in my heart.
This is giving me PTSD from gym class, though, honestly.
Why?
I mean, because I failed gym every year of high school,
and I had to take it in summer school, and I failed it there.
Okay. Summer school gym? I had to take it in summer school, and I failed it there. Okay.
Summer school gym?
I went to summer school gym.
You were so gay.
They did not have gym in summer school.
They did.
Did you just not try, or did you procrastinate?
No, I didn't want to be there.
They didn't even let you?
Then I had a shady doctor say that I was in a car accident,
and said I smashed my vertebrae, and I couldn't perform.
So I got to take an extra two semesters
of cosmetology class.
Oh my god. But you actually
got your back blown out? No.
I got fake x-rays to submit
to the board. Oh, fake. Oh.
That's smart. My family's in the mafia.
You faked your vertebrae's getting broken?
Well, I faked that I got injured. That's why
I couldn't take gym class. You and Brandon
are the exact same age.
This is so funny.
Are you?
Yeah.
You would never know.
Are you 44 years old?
Yeah.
January 3rd, 1979.
April 13th, 1979.
As an older woman, I do have some advice.
Now, ladies our age always.
Yeah, so you guys can talk about a lot of things
We really can
Yeah
Are your friends in the mafia?
Yeah extended
Like none of my
None of my like close
I couldn't like call a hit on someone
But it's like something like
Had to be done
You could do it
Yeah
Like what?
You know like get pills
Or something falling off a truck
That's just a drug dealer
Like my father used to come home
Yeah that's not the mafia
No like you know
There'd be like –
Nick and KB are from West Virginia.
They could do that too.
There would be furniture falling off trucks, handbags, cosmetics, furs, high-heeled shoes.
We'd always get boxes of stuff.
Things would fall off trucks.
I don't think it's mostly murder.
It's mostly money laundering, I think.
Yeah.
Good stuff.
Yeah.
There might have been a couple murders.
I have something for your anxiety about gym class. Oh, thank you. Yeah. There might have been a couple murders. I have something for your
anxiety about gym class. Oh, thank you.
You can watch Steven run. Oh, yeah.
Steve? Yeah. And your anxiety
will go away. Okay.
What you wearing, Steve?
What are you wearing, Steve?
I got a new Trusted Data merch
that's just on sale today.
Steve? I like Steve.
A lot of people call me Steve.
Like who?
A lot of people.
My first life?
Do you guys have a tambourine?
You should get a trampoline here.
Oh, good point.
I would love a trampoline, and I would also love,
my favorite thing in gym class that when I did excel at,
when you had that big fucking parachute.
Oh, yeah.
We need that here.
A big parachute that you can all sit underneath.
Yes.
Can we get that?
That was a fun thing.
And then also those little skateboards you just go like this on.
Oh, yeah.
Where you bust up your knuckles on either side.
So Che's just a bad runner?
No.
I know the idea I had this morning I forgot.
So remember when we were doing the office and Mince asked for a treadmill?
Yeah.
I think you should get him one but put it in the front lobby where people have to walk past him. Well, I am getting M for a treadmill. I think you should get him one, but put it in the front lobby where people have to walk past him.
Well, I am getting Mince a treadmill.
I wouldn't mind him just running on it all the time.
Yeah.
But, yeah, there will be a treadmill over there.
Do you have pads in case someone wants to do like a round off or like gymnastics?
What about the thing that goes like this?
A wrestling mat.
Where you just like flip around your waist?
You'd probably be good at that. A hula hoop? No, no, no. Not at all. You pull yourself up on the thing that goes like this? A tumbling equipment where you flip around your waist? You'd probably be good at that.
A hula hoop?
No, no, no.
Not at all.
Pull yourself up on the thing.
A horse.
A gymnastics thing.
Or the strings that go like this.
Rings.
Yeah, we need gymnastics class.
I would much rather have gymnastics shit than wrestling shit.
What?
If we had rings hanging off the ceiling, that would be awesome.
Are you built like a gymnast?
Rock climbing wall.
What about the thing with the pegs like this?
Like a tall gym.
Rings actually wouldn't be hard to.
What are your thoughts on Chef Donnie's climbing wall in his apartment?
I didn't know he had one.
Oh, okay.
Does he have one?
Yeah.
I think that's not going to satiate his need for danger.
He fucking climbs skyscrapers.
What are your thoughts on Chef Donnie's bare torso?
I mean...
He should walk around. One of the seven natural wonders.
Yeah, there's a lot I can say.
He should walk around naked.
There's a movement happening where he'll just be in an apron here.
He should be. That's all the successful chefs online.
Yeah, called it.
Why not? Sex sells. Wear an apron or just go shirtless completely.
Have you seen the new chefs?
The new sexual chefs who like lick the meat?
Oh, yeah.
Slap it.
No, I don't have time for that.
That's like having a child in the kitchen cooking with you.
Like, get the fuck out of the kitchen.
I got things to do.
Right.
Well, I don't want anyone fucking around.
It's a TikTok.
It's not someone actually.
Like a TikTok trend where they get real overtly sexual.
We're not putting the person.
You're not a restaurant.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
I have too much trauma for my eating disorders to deal with them.
That was like a concept restaurant. Yeah, he's like, I don't have time for that.
I will fuck your food before you serve it.
Random person in my kitchen trying to fuck a donut.
Interesting, but yeah, I just thought I would.
My culture's not a costume.
Thank you.
Two stars.
Oh, he's got a bat.
All right, Steven, you ready?
What did you call Che when he was walking out?
I said, look at them dumplings.
You can say anything.
Yes, sir.
There.
Wow, he's really on the go.
All right, ready, Steven?
Oh, he's going hard today.
All right, three, two, one, go.
Oh, no, he looks slow.
He always looks slow at the beginning. It's real. It's real. It doesn't make sense. Go. Oh, no. He looks slow. He always looks slow at the beginning.
It's real.
It doesn't make sense.
I think he's 127 today.
He looks like he's always running with a big dump in his pants.
He looks like he's doing hobby horsing.
29.
Look at him. He stomps.
Oh, there's the wonton Don.
Oh, shit.
Donnie, welcome back.
Where's Billy Football? He's still in Zimbabwe? Oh, there's the wanton Don. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, Donnie, welcome back. Welcome back.
Where's Billy Football?
He's still in Zimbabwe?
Uganda.
Uganda.
Uganda, sorry.
So maybe this is the best he can do.
That does not play well on camera.
How old is he? No, it doesn't.
That's why we can make it good every day.
Is he older than he looks?
He looks better in person.
Right.
36.
So he is older than he looks.
I thought he was in his late 20s.
He looks good.
Yeah, he looks good.
He's got a whole ass family.
This is a great look for him.
Hey, how old are you, Steven?
You might be a t-shirt guy.
37.
Damn.
That was really good.
30.6.
Cardiovascular health.
Not great.
We're smashing?
Your quads hurt?
You just touch your shoulder?
Why does your quads hurt? He touch your shoulder why does your quads hurt
he's been doing it every day
is the goal to try
and get him to lose
no it's just to really
it's honestly
it's the most pointless
minute of the show
but
I love it
I love keeping track
of what his times are
seeing if he gets better
people should start
actually people should
start gambling on it
he was doing it on his own
before we started the show
yeah
is there a weight rack here
there will be. Any weights?
Do you still have the weights in your
PMT studio? I think Brianna did not
keep those. She didn't keep the bench?
I don't think she did.
Did you bring a new one here? We have
purchased. It will be here within the next week.
How exciting. Everything's coming up roses here.
Except the coffee machines.
Wait, what are you talking about?
How is she going to lead here?
Listen, who's the driver filling out? I I think it's Paige that new girl in the front
The white ebony
The white ebony
That would be ivory
Ivory
I had to go to three coffee machines
To find one that was filled with beans
We gotta get more beans
You're right
If I only knew someone who owned a multimillion dollar coffee company.
Are you multimillion dollar ready?
I think I know someone.
We're a year in.
God bless.
I'm happy for you.
Today.
Those coffee machines we bought, I think are very expensive.
I don't know why we bought three of them.
There's one over there.
There's two of them right next to each other.
Yeah.
So stupid.
They're very good, though.
Yeah, they're cool machines.
Yeah.
Does Greer live here?
No.
Why is he in the kitchen?
Greer's here?
Yeah.
Get him in here.
I think he's on a classic Greer Wednesday to Tuesday trip.
Oh, okay.
Some sort of protest.
A what?
Greer likes flying midweek, so he'll stay for a weekend,
but fly in on Wednesday and leave on Tuesday.
Makes sense.
I got to get more into that.
The best days to fly.
It is a little nerve-wracking just walking across while everyone's in here.
It's like you've been watched.
But it's nice because you get like Mincy when he goes back and forth five times
because he needs to be watched.
We're definitely watching.
He'll be by in a minute.
We comment on every single person that walks by.
Look at this metal animal.
Look at this fucking.
Oh, nice shirt, Greer.
Wait, did you make that yourself?
We sell that?
Greer's jacked all the time.
Are you jacked now, Greer?
Go where Steven is.
You can get on a mic back there.
Yeah.
You go through here.
Greer runs the Sam Sulek lifestyle.
Yeah, you said you were obsessed with that.
I didn't know you were following it. Sam Sulek lifestyle. Yeah, great. You said you were obsessed with that. I didn't know you were following it.
What?
Sam Sulek.
Oh, yeah.
There you go.
Are you hip with him?
Who's that?
Sam Sulek.
He's super jacked, right? 22-year-old.
That guy's 22?
He's insanely jacked.
Oh, no.
What does he do?
Oh, he does his lift.
He eats red meat.
He does vlogs of his entire lift and talks to the camera.
Yeah, he was going viral
for just struggling to breathe
and people were like, is this guy dying?
Sam Sulkick?
Oh, what's up?
22. He's a natty god.
Cut that hair.
He's a Miami, Ohio what?
That's where he goes. He'll lift in their fitness.
Rise up.
How young do you have to start? He's got he goes. He'll lift in their fitness. Rise up. I just don't get how young do you
have to start? That looks like Carrot Top. He's got
ball sack biceps. He was
like a high school diver.
Yeah. That looks miserable.
Kyle wants to be that big.
He's not that big. Big mistake.
Is he on the gear? Yeah.
Yeah, so that's the big controversy
with him. So it's the liver king all over again.
He's a lot different. He's more of a humble down there. So it's the liver king all over again. He's a lot different.
He's more of a humble.
Liver king's just blind in one eye now.
Have you seen him?
His eyes are blind?
Yeah, his pupil's real, real big in one eye right now.
He is, a person's never looked worse.
That makes sense, right?
Sick.
Yeah, he's taking so many surgeries.
All right, Greer, wait wait so you're here for for what
i just visit tom every few months like i've been coming to chicago like three or four times a year
since he moved out here so i was just due and now you you actually have a place you can work the
whole time i guess yeah i worked out yeah yeah and even the farmer's insurance office i worked
out of there a time or two nice so what do you think of the new office?
I mean, it's something else.
I was just checking out Donnie's kitchen.
I couldn't believe it.
It's amazing.
It's crazy.
And I'm looking forward to getting some shots up later, but not now, I guess.
Probably annoying to have happening when you guys are yakking.
Yeah, during the yak.
And you do Wednesdays to Tuesday trips?
Yeah.
It's usually the simplest flight, so I'll stay out here for like a week
and just sleep on an air mattress in Tom's living room.
Tom definitely hates that.
Oh, 100%.
Yeah, the Monday guest that didn't leave is the worst.
Brutal.
The worst.
This is the shortest one I'm doing.
It's Wednesday to Monday. Wednesday to Monday. Yeah. Got it. You should leave Sunday. This is the shortest one I'm doing. It's Wednesday to Monday.
Wednesday to Monday.
You should leave Sunday. That is tough, a Monday
departure.
Sunday night you need to refresh.
You need alone time.
You need to get their scent out of their apartment.
You have to clean up all their fucking
Kit Kat wrappers.
Tom has to do that every Monday morning.
Did you get that kid cancelled on Twitter?
No, unsuccessful.
That sucks. The kid that wore the eye black?
Yeah, that was...
Mine was way worse than that kid.
Yeah, there was a kid who wore
eye black and they tried to cancel it.
Like the fifth grader? Yeah, he was like a football player.
And Greer was like, do your thing
internet, let's ruin his life.
Greer's a very funny follow on Twitter.
He is.
Yeah, Twitter, do your thing, ruin his life.
That's so clearly Ivor.
How could anyone think that was blackface?
Banned from sports?
Banned from sports.
Imagine being that age, you're just so confused.
Wait, why?
I don't get it.
Banned from sports. Never even heard of blackface. I mean, the triangles going down are. Wait, why? I don't get banned from sports.
Never even heard of that.
I mean, the triangles going down are pretty common among football players, aren't they?
Yeah.
Will Compton has had some close calls, I guess, if you're counting that.
Yeah.
I'm sure Riggs is digging for him right now.
Oh, yeah.
Chris Long, too, right?
Doesn't he?
Yeah, he has some.
He used to.
He's a big guy, Black.
Aiden Hutchinson does.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He does, like like the streaks
That's one of those ones though
That you can't do
Because if you lose
You look like such an asshole
Yeah
Did you like Hunter Dickinson
Doing a dance
When he hit a three
Down like ten at halftime
He's trying too hard
To be a villain
Yeah
He's good though
He's very good at basketball
Yeah
Very good Is he the best? No No He's a, though. He's very good at basketball. Yeah. Very good.
Is he the best?
No.
No.
He's a transfer from Michigan to Kansas.
He's now in, like, year five.
Yeah.
Who's, like, the best?
Zach Eadie.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh.
Not Bronny James.
What, Kyle?
Purdue.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I had to tell.
I had to break that
to Jerry last night
LeBron he's not the best player
he thought LeBron James
was LeBron James too
like
he put a future
on USC
to win
the national championship
and he was like
they got Bronny
he's the best
and I was like
he's not even a starter
he's not even the best freshman
in their book
yeah
oh shit
it was hard to break that to him.
To him.
Somebody had to.
Yeah.
He also put a future on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl.
Who's better?
How long ago?
You or Brandon?
Yesterday.
And what?
Basketball.
Him right now.
I saw that cute little concert you had with all your outfits on.
You had little matching tops.
And you were running around playing sports.
Yeah, what concert was that, boy?
He's talking about jerseys.
He's talking about
Yaks basketball.
What?
Who won it that year?
Yeah, yeah.
Concerts with our tops.
You thought he was the best one
for that play?
I was the best that night, yep.
Yeah.
Which, didn't we give the trophy
last year to Nick
because he lost?
Why did you get the trophy
for winning?
No idea.
Yeah, that made no sense.
No idea.
Did someone give you the trophy
or did you just go take it?
He just went and took it.
No, he took it. So the trophy was supposed did you just go take it? He just went and took it. No, TJ took it.
So the trophy was supposed to be to the two people that got the first two baskets in,
which I told Brandon, but then he just ran away with the trophy.
He just took it.
That's true.
You didn't tell me that.
The person that scored the second bucket.
You did not tell me that.
Well, actually, okay, so I told everybody that,
but Brandon was nowhere to be found until five seconds before we walked into the court.
That's right.
That is correct.
I was resting.
Resting from? Running up walked into the court. That's right. That is correct. I was resting. Resting from?
Running up and down the court once.
Like two hours before that happened?
It's fine.
Just relax.
Thank God.
Nick gave me a housewarming gift last night, a guest gift.
For his own house?
Yeah.
9XT.
9XL t-shirt.
Oh, shit.
That rules.
Do you want it on?
Anyone want to take it for a spin?
It's pretty big.
It has a pocket on it.
Yeah.
Big old pocket.
How many of you guys can get into that shirt?
Oh, cram the T.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's get in it.
Wait, is NoSec ready to get cleaned?
All right, fine.
Yeah, we'll let him stay for a little bit.
Why don't you do the high noon ad while we cram the T?
Gladly.
Yeah.
Who's going to go next? Let's get KB
in there. Guys, it's time to load up on the ice
and break out the oversized lawn games
because the high noon game day pack
is back. It includes limited edition fan
faves, pear and cranberry, along with
black cherry and grapefruit. It's made with real vodka,
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which means it's here for a good time,
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tailgate to find a pack.
Get in there. I gotta go
get in this shirt. Get in the seat.
Maybe you gotta get your other arm in.
Are you all
lining up?
Yeah, you gotta get both your arms out.
Titus got in comfy.
I don't think you can get in there.
All right, now go try to play basketball.
Yeah, try to make a basket now.
Run out and try to make a basket.
Oh, it's breaking.
Oh, no.
Are we trying to walk or not?
Yeah, try to walk. Yeah, make a basket for everyone. He's going. Oh, no. Yeah, try to walk. Make a basket for everyone.
Gabe is going to get strangled.
Gabe is strangling himself.
Watch the cords.
Oh, y'all need a ball.
Go push them.
Push them.
Push them.
When they get out there, push them.
Get them.
This is ridiculous
They crammed the T
I've never seen this
Oh my god
This is so great
Oh my god
IKB might be dead This is Pat's dream Oh, my God. Oh, look at the camera. I think KB might be dead.
This is Pat's dream.
Well, he's going to suffocate.
Someone put the top down in the back.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, it's ripping.
Oh, it's ripping.
Oh, no.
It's ripped.
I think it was choking Nick out at one point.
Oh, God.
Well, there goes that.
That hurt my neck so bad.
Yeah, KB was about to die.
You crammed the tea.
Crammed the tea.
I love cramming.
We got to buy another night.
I want to.
Wait, we got to go bigger.
Yeah.
Did you ever wear that with your long jeans?
That would be a Luke.
I never wore that with my long jeans.
I got custom-made jeans that could be all cuff,
so you could cuff them all the way up to the waist.
Oh, Jesus.
What did you do today?
That hurt so bad.
Oh, I crammed myself into a T with three other dudes.
Dude, I was just choking.
Viciously.
I was like, KB might die.
Crammed the T.
Oh, no, this is going to be bad for Brandon.
Go in.
It's clean.
Pat's good. He proved his
shirt right. Got dunked on by a deer.
Why is that mousetrap here?
Brandon sat on it.
We had a phase.
It's still ongoing. I thought it was an
infestation. We shouldn't be
doing it still.
I just got hiccups in that shirt.
Brandon, you out of breath?
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
You okay, Brandon?
Yeah.
It's just us breathing heavily into the mic.
God.
Did you dunk?
No, I can't.
Not on these.
These are too high.
I got a lot of hate.
Aren't those things higher than normal?
Yes.
That's why everyone's making fun of me because I couldn't make the basket yesterday.
Well, you weren't getting close, Joey.
I know, but it's very high up.
How do you lower them?
Do you have to reinstall the whole thing, or they can just lower them a little?
I've asked Pete.
He's like, we've got someone going to work on it.
It means nothing.
So is that NBA size?
It's the thing you can spin, and it's the drill, and it lowers the thing.
It's literally taller than any basketball hoop in the world.
Thank you, everyone.
I knew what I was doing.
It's the tallest basketball hoop in the world.
No one's ever put a hoop higher than 10 feet
until All Business Pete came around.
He was like, I got an idea.
Let's make him 10-2.
That's why I couldn't make it.
And every time I say that it's 10-2, he gets very defiant.
He's like, no, it's 10-1 in one quarter.
But that's still bad.
But it's taller than that.
It still makes a big difference.
If every single person that puts up shots is like, this is too high.
It's obviously a real.
Joey's not a hooper.
Different.
Ball is life, though, for you.
We had the Loyola basketball team come in.
Those guys.
They're like, no, too high.
This is way too high.
Yeah. Told you.
Sweet. We have Malasek.
My neck hurts so bad.
I'm trying to breathe. I need physical
therapy. I think something collapsed.
He was actually going to choke to death.
I'm going to go see a physical therapist.
He's going to be like, how did you do this? And I'm going to say
I was cramming the tea. Cramming the tea.
Cramming the tea.
Fuck.
I guess we should watch Mal's show.
So is Mal's not going to use soap?
He used soap for the first time in like seven years.
Fuck.
I know.
I said that.
Why don't you guys go teach him?
You don't take this one?
Is he in there topless?
Probably.
Well, let's check the camera.
Has any supporters of that lifestyle came out?
No.
I don't use deodorant. That's why. I've heard about that. Has any supporters of that lifestyle came out? No.
I don't use deodorant.
I've heard about that.
I'm afraid it gives me cancer.
Oh, my God.
I will every once in a while.
I won't use it for like a week or two, and then I'll throw a little on it. But how many things do you think you use mindlessly, and they'll also give you deodorant?
There's so many things.
Literally every street drug from a stranger stranger that's not going to hurt you
yes
it just seems so obvious
you're just putting chemicals
in your pits
the what
yeah but the pits
are the safest place
to put chemicals I think
I also kind of agree
with Jake
if you don't have body odor
just get one
with aluminum in it
and it's fine
is that what you do
yeah
you dumbass
instead of antiperspirant
get deodorant
antiperspirant's the thing that kills you.
I would pay the price.
I don't want to stink.
Yeah, I'd rather, like, if you told me 10 years off my life,
but I smell good.
You would take that.
Yeah.
What are you going to be doing with those 10 years extra?
Probably smelling even worse.
Oh, like shit.
Podcasting.
Yeah?
At 70.
At 70?
Out and about at 70?
Man, imagine Barstool Sports 40 years from now.
Oh.
Tommy.
Who's in charge?
Tommy?
Tommy Walker for sure.
I thought you meant Tommy Smokes.
Tommy's kid.
No.
We met Nicky Smokes.
He's quite something.
Starship.
Why is everyone playing this person up?
Nicky Smokes had a mysterious illness.
And then you guys said
you met him.
Wait, you guys were starstruck or he was?
I was. I don't know who it is.
I was starstruck.
Why is everyone hyping this guy up?
Is that great? He's a legend.
He's a certified
ledge. I have no idea who he was until now.
If you guys ever think about being straight again, he will get you some bitches.
Within two seconds of meeting him, he's talking about how he slept with someone.
Really?
Of course.
Of course.
He's the biggest straight guy.
You guys should get a bitch acquire competition.
Well, he should come to my show.
Oh, he should go to the show tonight.
I have 300 drunk bitches, the hottest bitches in Chicago.
Oh, I'm sure he has tickets.
Yeah.
He's already got a thing.
Our girls are hot.
They show up hair done, tits out, ready to party.
And we call them out if they don't.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh, come on.
Yeah, buddy.
Jake.
Hey, Jake.
Where you headed?
Jake looks good.
Those are the shorts you're wearing.
At least we're with tighty-whities with nothing under them.
All right, Jake.
This is the first time ever with soap.
Six years. Is it wood grooming? Is is the first time ever with soap. Six years.
Is it wood grooming?
Is that real?
Six years without soap.
Yeah.
And he made us feel
bad about this.
Yeah.
He's ashamed right now.
He's in the inverse situation.
He must have such
a smelly dick.
That's what we said.
It doesn't smell.
He said,
non-coincidentally,
he's like,
I'm over blowjobs.
I don't get them anymore.
Oh, so.
Because your balls
smell like Cheetos. I guess they dojobs I don't get them anymore your balls smell like Cheetos
I guess they do
said he doesn't know what to do when he's getting a blowjob
what do you mean
what do you mean you go all the way down
it's awkward
he was actually like
he made us
he turned the tables on us yesterday
where we actually felt bad that we were
His punishment was using soap
Like it was like we were hazing him or something
So his hygiene just stopped
In middle school
He said that sometime in like high school
He ran out and never
He ran out and never replaced it
10 years ago
And he said that he once had a girl ask where everything was
So he then went and bought soap.
Oh, wait, hold on. And then emptied it out
so he had just empty soap. Rub him down.
Okay. Oh.
You can get in there, Joey. Joey, go in there.
You can. This is a little
weird. It's so creepy.
This is weird.
The lighting.
Really creepy.
Wait, did you know the camera's on him?
I don't know.
He might not. It's like an initial
soap is being poured on him kind of shot.
Oh, that water doesn't get hot, I don't think.
It's like a cold
plunge.
I'm surprised you guys don't have one of those here.
A cold plunge.
Yeah, there it is.
Shower cam is creepy. Yes! I heard Big T I'm one of those here cold plunge Yeah, there it is
Shower cam is creepy. Yes. I heard big T showered in there in the morning. Yeah
Did he not know no, it's the funniest person it could have ever happened to
He was so pissed
And rightfully so yeah
If he doesn't full send the soap and get suds the fuck up
He's using a loofah
Anybody probably doesn't want to touch his own dick. It's so fucking rank
He's got a how do we get hot water
Yeah, this is weird they're watching guys, oh, it's really weird. I'm feeling very uncomfortable right now.
It's somewhat fitting for today's show.
Yeah, but I'm just...
He's not even soaking.
Oh, it's warming up.
He's still wet, though.
Here it goes.
Oh, my God.
I hope he gets a rash.
I know, but his skin starts peeling off.
He's learning how to use soap right now.
Put it on the thing?
He puts it in a cup and drinks it.
I put this thing on the thing.
This is fascinating.
Yeah.
Where's my earmuffs?
I don't think, I've never used a loofah.
That's a lot of soap.
I'm a loofah guy.
Oh, really?
You're a loofah guy.
I think it's the best.
I love loofah.
It gives the most suds.
I just washcloth it.
Look at him go.
Oh, the water's going to take it right off.
Peeling off.
Yeah.
And he's actually, like, black underneath.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That would be wild.
I would love that.
Jake's been in white face for two years.
He's doing it.
Well, at least get the good areas.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Yeah, we don't need him. Now he's going doing it. Well, at least get the good areas. Oh. Oh.
Yeah, we don't need him here.
Now he's going over.
He went.
I tried to buy that.
He went dick to early.
I tried to buy that loop off him.
Yeah, he went.
He went dick so early.
Joey goes in there.
How's 100, son?
He dick too early.
Dan, you talk about this a lot, the people that are tuning into their first Yak.
Yeah.
You must be thinking, this is one of those moments.
Yeah.
Someone out there is just like, I've heard about the Yak.
I should check it out.
They just put it on.
Yeah.
We're watching a guy shower.
I feel very uncomfortable, but I also.
A very normal shower.
He's just soaping his body.
I'm surprisingly okay with it.
I would have just taken his word for it.
I don't see any of that when he said so.
Do you see the soaps actually soaping up?
I mean, he's loving it. Thank you
Please are we lawyers? Yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah definition of
Look at him. I don't think he knows there's a mic in there. I
Talk on it. Oh
It's Connor has he gotten his little has he gotten his butthole? No, not yet.
He hasn't cleaned his butthole yet?
I think he just did.
We'll have to replay the tape.
It's actual live commentary of a worker's shower.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I think he just did get the hole.
Yeah.
How long did he stay on that butthole there?
TJ, can you ask Connor?
Soap that hoop down for me, kiddo.
Can you ask Connor to give Jake if Jake got his butthole?
Oh, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
Jake, buddy.
All right.
Maybe.
There's just fucking caked on shit that comes out.
Ew.
TJ, can you ask Connor to relay to Jake if he got his butthole to give us a thumbs up?
Oh, see, I just feel all like...
I feel laughing.
Was he carrying a towel when he went in there?
No, don't think.
It was around his neck.
He's gonna roll on the carpet like a golden retriever.
Woah, woah, woah.
He's playing with his dick.
Oh. Oh no.
He didn't get his butthole.
Oh, no.
Ew.
All right.
I'm going on record.
I don't like this.
I don't like this at all.
Very, very weird.
I'm over it.
I don't know what we thought.
The whole premise was weird.
This would be a good Twitch stream.
He'd make so much money.
Malasek is 0 for 2 on experiments.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll be done.
We'll have him come down and give us a recap How he feels with soap
Does anyone have a cigarette?
Was it that euphoric for you?
Yeah
Yeah that was uncomfortable
It was a weird thing
We just need to like move on
And just be like
That was a weird thing that we did.
Let's never talk about it again.
Pretend it never happened.
Yeah, that never happened.
Sometimes you miss.
Yeah, we tried.
Yeah.
I don't know what we were expecting.
Yeah, right.
It was pretty clear he was just going to shower.
Yeah, he was just showering.
It wasn't a surprise.
There wasn't a wrinkle that was like,
what's going to happen?
We planned this so well, and then he showered.
What could possibly happen in this scenario?
This is experimental.
Holy shitty, use soap.
And we watch him.
We have to shun him.
Yeah, we can't talk to him anymore.
Yeah, can't fuck with him.
Let's all unfollow him.
Imagine if he...
What'd I do?
Oh, Malzak
He is down for anything
That's a fact
True that
Are you guys gonna get fucked up before your show?
No, I just take my weed and then I relax
Okay
What about you, Pat?
Nope, sobs
I'll have a drink during the show, but
What are you guys going back?
I wanna be able to talk
I'm going back tomorrow morning
I go back Friday
What are you doing Thursday? I don't have any plans I'm gonna be able to talk I'm going back tomorrow morning I go back Friday What are you doing Thursday?
I don't have any plans
I'm going to go out to dinner
I want to go sightseeing
I'm going to climb the Sears Tower
I'm not doing that
What should I do?
You want to come to the house?
Your house?
Can we fish?
Is it too cold for that?
No, we'll get in the boat
Is it like one of these ones?
You get in the boat There me and you. Is it like one of these ones? You get in the boat.
The robo?
There's cinder blocks, a rope.
It's an old Scott Peterson round two.
There's not a rope in there currently, but yeah, you can come out there.
How far is it from here?
A long way.
Everyone lives far away.
No, just Brandon.
Just me.
Just Brandon.
60 miles.
Well, I said 60 miles too.
Yeah, I live an hour out, hour and a half out.
Oh, wow.
He lives in Wisconsin.
That's wild.
What are the neighboring states that we're in here?
Wisconsin.
Indiana's 20 minutes from here, 25 minutes.
Oh.
Indiana.
Michigan's about like an hour around Lake Michigan.
Oh, yeah.
We can be in Iowa in three and a half hours.
Iowa's due west.
There's a Compton outside of Chicago.
Yeah?
My little town.
It all sounds very Mormon.
Midwest, I don't think sounds...
That's not Mormon.
Midwest isn't Mormon?
Are you guys big in the Mormon community?
We could be.
I guess we could be, sure.
That's where there was long underwear?
There's white in the Mormon porn. What do you think Mormons are?
Mormons are great
It's young boys that go around with a book
and they wear suits
Don't Mormons go door to door?
I guess Mormons do do missions
Mormons are not door to door though
Mormons are very attractive
Jehovah's Witnesses are Mormons
Are they?
I thought they were different I think they're very different Very slightly different the door, though. Mormons are very attractive. Jehovah's Witnesses are Mormons. Are they? Yeah.
I think they're very different.
Very slightly different.
It's like Catholics.
So all Jehovah's Witnesses are Mormons, but not all Mormons are Jehovah's Witnesses?
Correct. I think it's like you're one level
deeper. I think Jehovah's Witnesses are a type of
Mormon. So you unlock Jehovah's Witnesses?
Yes. Jehovah's Witnesses
don't do birthdays.
Or Halloween.
Oh.
My son declared yesterday that he thinks maybe we'll do Halloween next month again.
That's not a bad idea.
I was like, all right.
How about we do it again?
Run it back.
She's a custom queen.
Yeah, she is.
Up in Yags.
Up in Yags once a month.
All right.
Well, that first sentence
is not a similarity at all.
What is it?
Both Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses
belong to religious groups
founded in America
in the 19th century.
I'm sure there were a lot of them.
Both consider themselves Christian
and use the form of the Bible.
Neither group believes
in the Trinity
in the same way
that major Christians do.
Oh, he's back.
Oh, wow.
Sit in my lap.
We feel bad.
We're kind of over it.
It was awkward.
Yeah.
It was really weird.
It was so weird.
Go put on your clothes.
Come back.
Jake, to be clear, it wasn't the soap that made it weird.
I feel like he was like...
It was weird, right?
I was putting soap on my body.
What do you mean?
It was weird.
No, it wasn't that you were cleaning your body.
That's so true.
Try to tell you guys.
It'd be weird if I...
Let me go do it without soap
and you'll see how not weird it is.
The angle in that bathroom
is creepy.
You're very close to seeing dick.
Close to seeing dick.
And you're not supposed to be there.
That's like from Saw.
Yes.
I understand we told him
we needed a shower,
but we never had a camera
in the shower. I think we got to we never had a camera in the shower.
Yeah, I think we got to get rid of the camera in the shower.
No, we do have to get rid of it.
What about wet wheel?
Don't you want to see that?
We never saw it before.
Yeah, this is too much.
We just needed a dedicated shower that Glenny Balls can't shit in.
Stephanie, we got to get rid of this.
Listen, we're trying.
Uninstall the camera in the shower.
Yeah, let's put that in the kitchen near Donnie.
Yeah.
Let's get an upskirt of Donnie.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't...
We got to get rid of that.
TJ, are Jehovah's Witnesses not Mormon?
Is that what it said?
I'm getting more confused now reading this.
No, I think they're just...
They're similar, but they're not the same.
They're similar, but different?
They go...
They get assigned to American cities, I think they're just they're similar but they're not the same they go they get assigned to American cities
I think
to go door to door Mormons will go international
on missions
Mormons will leave for like a year or two right
they have to do it for a full year
they'll come back and be like 23
year old freshman
I want to go on Rumspringa
do it you just made the call I made the hit Freshman I want to go on Rumspringa Do it
I've
Just made the call
I made the hit
We're getting the camera out of there
Okay
Feels good
Yeah
Feels good
That's a
Rest in peace
No
That's saw
That's saw
Never forget
It's very weird
Even showing it
It looks like when someone's in solitary confinement
and they beat them with that hose.
They spray them with the fire hose,
like at high pressure.
It does look like that.
Like in prison movies.
Yeah.
And they make them sleep in that cell.
That's a camera angle you would see on the dark web.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Live leak.
Yes.
Live leak.
Maybe you install a fire hose
and you can just hose people down
What about a urinal cam
Yeah
Like a peekaboo urinal cam
And why is there not a trough here
Wrigley Field has a trough
Why doesn't this office have a trough
For bird watching
For bird watching
Yeah checking out watches
Do you know something I learned about Chicago today?
My driver picked me up and brought me back to my hotel,
and I was in the city, and I was like,
oh my God, that's the same artist I saw on the side of a building.
And apparently this artist is the hottest in Chicago.
And my driver's like, they spared no expense to that office.
The fact that they got him.
Who is this artist?
He's a Puerto Rican artist.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Yeah, I see his work. It's iconic. So this is pretty much like gonna be worth tons and tons of money one day if it's not already but i saw there's he's um i would say he's the banksy
of chicago yeah except everyone knows who he is right who's what's the guy's name banksy no one
knows who he is wait really yeah well he No one knows his identity. Yeah. Identity.
Is he still kept that?
Yeah.
People have guesses, right?
People have guesses, but they don't know who he is.
Yeah.
Look at that shirt.
That's a great shirt.
I love it.
How do you feel?
Come sit on Daddy's lap.
Dry, he said.
Well, you are dry now.
You did dry off with the towel.
He seems so sad.
I mean. Just so you know, we're sadder because we watched it.
Yeah, I mean, that's got to be weird for you guys.
Oh, it's so weird.
I just texted Pete saying we've got to get that camera out.
You know, Mal is like 17.
It smells really good.
Yeah, but does it smell?
We smelled him yesterday.
I'd be curious if you guys had a better smell today.
You smelled like nothing.
All right, come on back.
Come on back.
Get the sniff test.
Give him head again.
Oh, my God.
Smells better.
Smells better.
I didn't get that.
I legally care.
He smelled good yesterday.
He smelled like nothing.
He smells better.
Pat, are you going to do it? I'm afraid. He smelled like yesterday He smelled like nothing Pat are you going to do it?
He smelled like his clothes yesterday
Today his skin smells good
Pat
Trish
You smell very good
Well I don't have a frame of reference but I'll take a whiff
You just smell like soap
I can't my boyfriend's's watching, but thank you.
Did this change anything for you?
Joey?
Meet me in the back.
You're pissed off right now.
You're pissed.
Yeah, I mean, my co-worker's forcing me to shower on camera.
You just took away one of his personalities.
I mean, he just showered on camera.
I think we could let him out of the deal.
Yeah.
Oh, why do you keep your, do you not like how you feel?
You feel dry?
Do you need my moisturizer?
I say we let him out of the soap deal.
No, I mean, I lost.
I don't care.
I'm over it.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm mad.
Don't do it.
This is absurd.
The whole thing has been absurd.
Do whatever you want.
Yeah, you're good.
You're good.
You're good.
You're good.
He did it once. Yeah. Fuck out of here, dude. Do whatever you want. Yeah, you're good. You're good. He did it once.
Fuck out of here, dude. He's so happy.
How was work today, honey? It was okay.
I had to shower in front of my coworkers.
Malicek is just ride or die.
He's the best. He'll do anything for the boys.
Shower for us.
Shower for us.
Hey, Jerry.
He's orange as fuck
Orange
He looks like a basketball
Yeah he just got off
The job site
Looks like
What is he doing
Picking up a ball
Oh
Yeah nice
Hell yeah
Alright
Hell yeah
Bad
Travel
Yeah he's got travel
Is that his own shirt
Oh look at that
Two boys
Oh Two boys. Oh.
Two boys.
Hey, Stu.
No, no, no, Brennan.
No, no, no.
Well, you want to get up for a second?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Hi, Stu. I've smoked five blunts with Stu today.
Oh, fuck.
That's right.
Yep.
You smoked Reggie last night? He did. I don't want to talk about it. Stu, come in here for a sec. That was right. Yep. You smoked Reggie
last night.
He did.
I don't want to talk
about that.
Come in for a sec.
That was Barstool
Kush that did that.
Come here for a sec.
Look at that luggage.
You look great, Stu.
Hello.
Let me tell you
something.
You got to talk in the
mic.
So I'm staying at that
Chicago hotel and I
never knew it.
So, you know, I'm
clean now.
I'm like with. So what is this day 15 of clean sober abstinence?
And it's always day, like, nine.
I feel that.
Have you ever gotten double digits?
First of all, I love everyone.
Let me just say, I love everyone.
That's the most, you know how hard it is to do that.
I mean, to get one hour is hard.
I know, I know.
I'm not belittling, but it does feel like we've been at day 15 a long time.
Exactly.
You know what it is?
The minute I get to the edge where I look good, I say I'm worth it, and I have a slice
of pizza, and I'm back to 10,000 calories.
What's the day that you start telling people that you're at this many days?
Would you tell someone you're at day three?
No.
What's the day?
Eight.
Eight. Okay, yeah. Seven days. Would you tell someone you're at day three? No. What's the day? Eight. Eight. Okay. Yeah. Seven days.
Seven days you no longer have a hangover. Right. You know, you feel clean.
So anyway, so I'm at the Hotel Chicago and I walk to the water. Oh my God, is that
breathtaking? I guess that's Lake Michigan. Yeah. And they have, Lake Michigan, they have
like, maybe it's a 20 mile walk.
Yeah, Lake Shore.
That's unbelievable.
Yeah.
I stepped it up.
I did like four miles.
Oh, you ran?
No.
Oh.
No, like a 17 minute walk.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, beautiful.
Did Sandy go with you?
No, she has some personal problems, so she wasn't able to come today.
Oh, Ashler Stew.
Yeah, but I was very clean.
I hid in my hotel room. Right. I didn't want to come today. Ashler stew. Yeah, but I was very clean.
I hid in my hotel room.
I didn't want to get in trouble.
I didn't want to smoke pot.
I was going to call Nick.
Well, I mean, every time I look at you,
I just think of rolling blunts.
Thank you. Thank you.
Finally.
No fucking gut level sharing about life.
Yes.
You're the intellect at this company.
No.
Well, I make you and KB like the two smartest. No. Well, I you know, I make you
and KB like the two smartest people here.
Thank you very much. Besides tank.
Besides tank. That's how I always look at it.
And I think we could solve
the world's problem. I guarantee it. Five months.
There's three hundred
and forty million people in this country.
Right. Give or take legally.
We have to. What? I'm sorry.
Oh, legally. All right. We? I'm sorry. Oh, legally?
All right.
Be honest with you.
We kill everyone that's over 65.
Yeah?
No, you're dead.
How old are you, Stu?
62.
You've got three years left.
Well, my birthday is January 31st,
so I've got two years and a couple of months.
I'm good.
What am I going to do in the future besides not be able to eat, pee in my pants,
and not be able to fuck?
You know, like in reality after 65.
You could do that after 65.
What?
What about 75?
No.
That's too many people. Because immediately everything becomes like cheap.
Yeah.
We're not overpopulated.
Opposite.
Developed countries, the birth rate's
super low and we're trending
downward. Well, now that China,
you know, the head of China is telling the women
to stay home and have children.
China. No, no, you had it.
China. China.
Brooklyn. I got
390 on my SAT, so you can't come at me.
No. In English.
I think it should be like Soylent Green.
We just kill all the people and we make them into food.
Would you eat a person?
Would I eat what?
Would you eat a person?
Absolutely.
Yeah?
Why not?
If it tastes good, I'll eat anything if it tastes good.
I eat ass in a whole house, so I mean, who are you looking at?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not really.
So we're going to kill everyone over 65?
Everyone.
Everyone in the world.
The boomers do have fucked it up for us.
How many people in the world are over 65 right now, TJ?
Probably a whole lot.
I'd say a lot.
So, how many people in the world right now?
Three billion?
Four?
Four billion.
I think it's like six.
In the world, it's like six.
Oh, seven billion.
Seven billion.
My goodness.
That brings it down to like four billion. Two billion people. Yeah, 7 billion. 7 billion. My goodness. That brings it down to like 4 billion.
Are there a billion people?
Yeah, 2 billion people over 65?
That might be 1 billion.
I would say no.
Is there anyone surprising that's over 65, though, that we don't want to?
Right.
Like it's in their prime still?
Can we give exceptions?
I think Jane Fonda looks fucking amazing.
I'd bang on it.
We could just kill her.
Smash her past Jane Fonda.
No, but it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. I don't know. Really, just kill her. Smash her past Jane Fonda. No, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
I don't know.
Really, after 65,
you're a detriment to everyone.
That's a billion, yeah.
You're really a detriment to everyone.
That's it.
You should peak at third.
I agree.
I think it's like 75.
I don't think it's 65.
Yeah, like how old's Tom Cruise?
He's probably not 65,
but he's starting to look a little weird, though.
J-Lo's 65.
No.
God, listen. I'll. J-Lo's 65. No. Listen.
I'll change it if she's 65.
Yeah, see, Tom Cruise is more than four years.
He's like a –
He's got four years left.
He's putting out bangers still.
Listen, you and Tom Cruise –
That last mission impossible.
You and Tom Cruise are the same age.
It sucked.
It's wild.
Stu, you and Tom Cruise are the same age.
Top Gun was awesome.
I'm 62.
Yeah, I know.
We're basically –
61. Yeah, right. Exactly. Oh, was awesome. I'm 62. Yeah, I know. We're basically 61.
Yeah, right.
Exactly.
Oh, Denzel.
Oh, come on.
You can't lose Denzel.
Dennis Quaid.
Listen.
Alec Baldwin.
Eagle.
Oprah.
Oprah, we can't lose her.
Kevin Costner.
Oh, this is a good list.
Seinfeld?
Oh, Mr. Bean.
You'd kill and eat Mr. Bean.
Octavia Spencer.
It tastes good.
How did Octavia get on unless she's 53
She's not getting there
What?
She's big
She ain't shitting in my fucking pumpkin pie
I think we could lose all four of those
And be fine
Yeah
I like Sharon Stone
I'm telling you right now
You could easily live in those beautiful apartments.
We can't lose another Price is Right.
And run every day along Lake Michigan.
It's gorgeous.
Madonna can go.
Michael Jackson is not 65.
Alan Jackson, no.
Alan Jackson can't get rid of.
I could get rid of Alan Jackson.
What?
Honestly, if we take George straight, I'm good with killing Alan Jackson.
You can't get rid of Alan Jackson.
You don't mean that.
You like Garth Brooks.
We listened to Alan Jackson.
Didn't you know Alan Jackson? I did. I like Garth Brooks better than Alan Jackson. I did.
I like Garth Brooks better.
Well, Dan Marino.
I do, too.
But I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
You know what?
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
I'm with you.
I think we'll solve a lot.
Absolutely.
Who are we killing?
Everybody over 65.
Oh, bye, Mom.
Everyone.
Rip Dad.
Bobby Flay.
62.
Joe Montana, 67.
Joe Montana said that Dan Marino is the best quarterback that ever lived.
I think if my mom does die, it would be easier to turn Tommy back into a Mississippi State fan,
so I'm kind of good with it.
Fair enough.
In any negative, this is possible.
What did your dad root for?
What team did your dad root for?
Drugs.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, what is the big push with your pop?
I've seen a lot of content about your pop and drugs lately.
Lots and lots of drugs.
You're pushing that.
I'm not pushing that.
Well, I mean, yes, you are.
You know who's pushing it.
No, no, no, you are.
His friend Tommy that lived across the street.
He was constantly pushing drugs on my dad.
The last two weeks, I've seen more drug content about your father than I've seen since I've been with this company.
I think he's expressing trauma.
What?
No, they used his gun to shoot.
Provided the weapon.
It's my fault, Stu. I brought it out of him oh okay this is how you're here you've got your dad alabama
basketball the guy are you my dad alabama basketball or no i'm not like recovering i
don't know how do you how do you answer sober what do you mean i mean are you you know have
you like a drink from drugs no no no but like no i never had a problem though what did so you
fall no i just like i it's like no what father... You're in the stew cooker right now.
He doesn't understand.
What addictions do you have?
When I meet people, I just ask about their father's addictions.
Why?
Joking.
But your father is clean?
Yeah, my father's actually very...
He's never had a drop of alcohol in his life.
Oh my goodness.
He had a lot of family members that were alcoholics.
I always respect a lot of people like that.
Dad's a good-looking older guy, too.
His uncle, I think his uncle killed himself drinking so much,
like the Keith Willard shit.
See?
It's good.
It's healthy.
He only knows.
My dad was like, I'm probably not going to touch that.
When did that pass?
Last year.
It was a whole big thing.
Yeah. Oh, last year? Mm-hmm. Sorry for your loss. No, it's okay. that. When did that pass? Last year. It was a whole big thing. Yeah.
Oh, last year?
Mm-hmm.
Sorry for your loss.
No, it's okay.
Thanks.
How old was he?
Like 70, but the drugs.
That's young.
Yeah.
He did a lot of cocaine.
Did he really?
A lot of crack.
I mean, is this real or performative?
That stuff's bad for you?
It's real.
It's real and performative.
Oh, okay.
Fair enough.
Was he performative?
Yeah, he got thrown around.
Was he performative? Was his drug use performative? Very. Is he real? Oh, okay. Fair enough. Was he performative? Yeah, he got thrown around.
Was his drug use performative? Very.
Very, yeah. Put on a show.
Yeah. No, it wasn't a bit.
Yeah. Yeah.
Alright, whatever. What else?
No, I'm looking forward to seeing your house now that it's on the water.
Come on up. I would love to.
You and Joey can come and ride the boat.
Well, in the summer. I mean, April, May, June, July, August.
Yeah.
I'll be hanging here all the time.
Are you still apartment hunting here?
I haven't apartment hunted yet because I'm like-
Are you moving here?
No, no, no.
Second place.
Oh.
I need to find 10 mil somewhere.
I'm hoping the stock goes through the roof and then I could like Jerry just borrowed
15K from Big Cat.
I'm looking to borrow 10 mil from Big Cat.
Not at the moment when Penn goes to like 80.
Yeah. If Penn goes to 80,
can I borrow 10 mil? No.
What would Penn have to be for me to
borrow 10 mil? 80?
10 mil? Yeah.
Borrow. Not steal. Not rob.
A legit borrow.
He's good for it. I'll knock on
every door in Chicago, get advertising on my tape.
Why don't you bring it down to like two mil?
I can't.
The place I have a million, there's dumps.
I mean, I'm not living in a $2 million apartment.
Maybe my nanny and my maid and my mistress will live in that, but not me.
Are you still motivated to achieve massive, massive wealth?
No, I never. In reality, in my entire life on this earth, even when I literally was worth like $20 million in the 90s and I had like, you know, FedEx packages coming in every day for 15,000 cash.
No, money never motivated me.
Really?
No.
How about the friendship?
You like having fun with it, though.
I like having money so I could spend it with my friends that will never, ever make money.
Right.
Same.
I was a millionaire at 23, so everything was dead after that.
You know what I mean?
I made a million dollars at 23.
Yeah, 23, I wanted the money.
Have you made any really smart investments?
Yeah, his house.
Your house is gorgeous.
No, my house is beautiful.
No, no, no.
I make a dollar.
I spend two. But your house was a very smart investment. Yeah, house is beautiful. No, no, no. I make a dollar. I spend two.
But your house was a very smart investment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
My house made money.
Yes, yes. I paid 1.4 million
through a million into a 2.4.
Then I built the houses in the backyard
and I bought a 200 score phone.
So I probably made like 6 million
off my house. Yeah.
Sold some of the land. Yeah. but when you could lose a million dollars in a weekend at trump
taj mahal what does it mean right you know what does it mean you know didn't mean anything um
tj do we have to do fortnight today yes sir okay uh joey why don't you play let's reset
stew we're gonna do an ad real quick.
We're going to play a video game.
You want me to add it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love you guys.
It's an honor just to be here.
I just want to say that.
I love you, too.
I'll see you in a minute.
Rico's going to be doing stats today.
Rico's on stats.
Oh, I hear there's a little firework.
I got a little inside info.
You and I got to get on the same page.
Maybe we'll get them going at each other.
Well, you're the best at that, and I
will carry through. And Stu, by the way,
I take your lead. We're not going to talk about
the fact that you went 0-5. I lost every game.
Listen, it happens. It happens. You know what I'm
saying? If you want me at my best, you gotta
take me at my worst. Yeah.
Can't get any worse. You and KB should
collab for picks. KB's gonna go tout.
Unbelievable. I see KB's on fire
with these props and everything. You're hitting like props,
right? You are seeing this?
What? You're seeing this?
I keep my head down about it. No!
You're posting online?
Yes. I might have posted
on your behalf. I don't flaunt it.
I saw that. I flaunted because I was
proud of you. Oh, okay. I saw that.
So you're a shop. I'm in the honeymoon
phase. KBS. KB shop. You, okay. I saw that. Yeah. So you're a shop. I'm in the honeymoon phase. KBS.
KB shop.
Nah.
You want to come with when I roll my five blunts and me and Nick-
Oh, I got a video for you.
No, are you there?
I got a high video for you.
You don't smoke though, do you?
Oh, yeah.
You do?
Yeah.
You bake?
Yes.
How do you guys bake and stay so thin?
I fast until the night, then I smoke and eat.
Is that really true?
Yeah.
That's what I've been doing.
Okay, that makes sense.
That makes sense.
Okay, I'm out of here.
I love you.
God bless.
All right, I'll see you in a minute.
See you.
Nice to.
I told Donnie to swing by, too.
I'm very curious about his trip.
Oh, yeah, actually.
Where should I order lunch from?
I'll go get lunch with you somewhere.
Okay.
Okay.
Brandon, come back. with you somewhere. Okay. He's gone.
Brandon, come back.
Read the ad.
All right, shoot.
Get one shot.
Get your one shot.
No, get your one shot.
Now that we're all watching,
go get your one shot.
Come on.
No, come on.
You got to make the one shot.
Brandon, hang on.
This seat is warm as fuck.
Stu runs hot.
Miss.
Oh, man, that was bad.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Go underhand.
Oh, this is gonna be worse.
Oh, man.
No.
You look like you've lost weight, though.
I have.
Yeah?
I can't not.
You've probably been burning so many extra calories with this offer.
Good for you.
And things are starting to round into form a little bit.
Where's the ad?
What are you talking about?
Your Zoloft?
No.
Social life?
No, my basketball.
Basketball?
It's better than that.
We're not talking about Fortnite? Yeah, we basketball. Basketball? It's better than that.
Are we talking about Fortnite?
Yeah, we're talking about Fortnite.
Good.
Mm-hmm.
Three shots did not get me out of breath, Mook.
It didn't.
It really didn't.
It won't.
All right, kicking off our wheel segment today, we have Fortnite.
Huge thanks to Fortnite OG for sponsoring this wheel segment.
The original map that started it all in 2018 is back.
Fortnite is running the map from Season 5 to Season X. The map is is evolving make sure you hop into your favorite season before it's gone amazing
for those of us who haven't played or gotten a victory royale in a while this is a limited chance
to run it back to the glory days i gotta take a little break
to breathe deep yeah don't forget Fortnite introduced Zero Build,
which means if you haven't been working on your building skills,
there's a mode for you to still enjoy the Chapter 1 map with friends.
Check out the OG Island back in Fortnite now.
Titus.
Yeah, I don't want to interrupt the ad read, but I had a question.
Titus, go ahead.
Where are we dropping in, boys?
Where are we dropping, boys?
Here we go.
Boys?
Where are we dropping? Where are we dropping? boys? Here we go. Boys? Where are we dropping?
Where are we dropping?
Get tilted, baby.
Tilted to our side.
So now we're rolling the wheel to see.
Luke, what are the other places you can drop?
Pleasant Park, Paradise Park.
Is Tomato Town still a thing?
Tomato Temple.
It's Tomato Temple right now.
Whoa.
I believe we're getting Polar Peak in the game.
Polar Peak?
Maybe tomorrow.
Tomorrow we're getting Polar Peak?
Yeah, this is our last day playing on the show.
And that's nostalgia right there.
Yeah, that was the Christmas season from 2018, which is like peak.
Peak.
Peak stuff.
Wait, can Joey play?
No.
No, he can't.
What are we playing?
One of us will be playing Fortnite.
A lovely sponsor.
And it will be Kyle Bauer.
Kyle, where are you dropping?
Bro?
I'm not good with buttons.
Oh, I hear an audience.
Yeah, it was just our
wheel audience.
Oh, this is the best scenario
right now. Just watching Kyle sit on the floor?
Yeah, just getting him up.
Joey, how do you handle adversity?
Adversity?
It doesn't really matter
to me because I'm wealthy.
Do you know what I mean? I get it.
I don't see it. You're wealthy.
I'm not doing too bad for myself.
Good for you. Thank you.
He's made a lot of smart investments. I have.
I've been backing the
Elian Gonzalez Foundation
for many years. That's your investment?
How's the return been?
The ROI? Yeah. Nice,
Joe. Very nice.
The ROA?
Oh, you're going to play a video
game? Fortnite.
A Fortnite video game.
Oh, this is the biggest thing. Everyone
and their mother's playing Fortnite. Kids, young and old. Yeah, Fortnite. Oh, this is the biggest thing. Everyone and their mother's playing Fortnite.
Kids, young and old.
Nope, not kids.
We're going to take a little time out to do a sponsored segment here, Joey.
I love it.
They're all 18 plus, for sure.
I'm ready for you to win in this lobby.
I don't think Moog really showed me how this intently.
You were, uh, who did the worst?
I was terrible.
I think Che did the worst.
No, I did worse than Che.
Che killed somebody.
I didn't kill anybody.
Drats.
You're a refer-a-friend.
Is that a mushroom?
Yeah, is he a mushroom guy?
What's his name, CJ?
I don't know.
Who is that guy?
Spore?
Red Cap. Red Cap.
Red Cap.
He looks like a fun guy.
Oh, yuck.
Oh, I love how you can pick your characters.
I'd be the woman.
Yeah.
I think we're all women.
Can you change your costumes?
I think so.
You could buy...
Play with the Luke?
They're skins.
Oh, they're called their skins?
What are you two doing over there?
Oh, just bonding.
Talking about sharing
clothes. Yep. The music's
very soothing, I just have to say. It is nice.
Alright, what kind of experience
are we talking about here, KB?
What's the over-under on where you place?
Oh.
How many limbs?
Okay.
Not Fortnite, just any video game.
I'm going to set it at...
It's disorienting if you've never played the game.
39 and a half is his position, like his final...
That's what I think this is all right all fortnight game under
You'll 39 on Trish are we game Queens like yeah gamer Queens guys wins happen to be on what is this?
That's game. That's like scoping
There's a lot of buttons to press mm-hmm where you drop in Kyle
Where we drop in to the desert? Oh
Yeah, the desert never been to the desert desert
Luke it's like soothing Is he gonna make it to the desert Oh, push forward.
Is he going to make it to the desert?
Oh, he'll make it.
We got White Sox Davis first win last night.
Is that like a go-kart track over there?
Yeah, that's... Oh, that looks...
They call it Gus because it kind of looks like the word Gus.
It's upside down right now.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, it does look like Gus.
It is a racetrack.
You can drive ATKs around the course.
Yo, meet us at Gus.
It feels like one of the guys who worked on the game.
If I were ever to build a racetrack, I would build it in a man's name.
It's like it says mom in the color of the Wendy's logo.
Yeah.
Always with the logos, this guy.
Does it?
Oh, keep my mouth shut.
I thought it always said Wendy somewhere in there.
Does it not?
Land on that.
Do you like Wendy's?
Is that a beaut?
I do like Wendy's, Titus.
Careful.
That's good.
That sounds delicious.
That sounds cool, man.
In fact, I wish I had Wendy's right now.
Do you order bofa from there?
We gotta get Kyle a piece.
Oh yeah, he's a fast learner. your axe, press it again. Or no, press triangle, sorry.
There we go.
Naked smash stuff.
Loki, you are so good at this.
You are like...
I play this game every now and then.
You're like a rally car co-pilot.
Go right, go left, go right.
He is.
So with no builds, is there any real reason to...
You could just break through walls and get into different areas.
Like there's a chest above him that he could break the ceiling rather than going up the stairs.
It's all about laziness.
Love this home.
Yeah.
Paradise Ponds is a nice real estate.
This used to be Moisty Mire and then it became Paradise Ponds. Moisty Mire? Yeah. That'sonds. Nice real estate. This used to be Moisty Mire.
And then it became Paradise Ponds. Moisty Mire?
Yeah. That's a zesty name.
A little swampland area. And it all dried up.
Swampland? Yeah.
In season 4 update.
There's a show right there, right?
That's the shotgun.
That's lit. That's lit.
That's lit. That's lit. Go out and go left.
No, your cap would go right. Oh I want to live there. It is very nice
The square footage looks spacious
This is literally Nick's apartment
The map you press the press the big touchpad button on the controller, Kyle.
If you press the big white button in the middle of the controller, it'll pull the map up.
Oh, it is big.
That's what she said.
And double jump, you basically grab the ledge right there.
If you jump and grab the ledge and hit X again quickly. Grab the ledge? Yeah, you see the ledge right there? I'll grab the ledge right there. What'd it be? He? If you jump and grab the ledge and hit X again.
Quickly.
Grab the ledge?
Yeah, you see the ledge right there?
I'll grab the ledge.
Press X.
If you press X twice.
On that ledge, basically.
Press twice.
I'm pressing it twice.
Get to the ledge.
You gotta touch the ledge.
Press it twice, Kyle.
Press it twice.
You gotta touch the ledge.
Yup.
Yup.
There you go.
Alright, now I'll pick that up.
The faulty game design.
Oh. Well, prettyy game design. Joe!
Well, pretty terrific game design.
This seems like user error.
Square.
Square? I'll press R1.
Press R1.
Is that something I should just know, or?
Then press X.
Then press X?
Square.
He's the worst person to get this.
Moog's thinking in Xbox controls.
What is that thing?
He's getting messed up.
That's a chug jug?
Yeah, it's a chug jug.
Chug jug.
Look at her go.
Jake Malasek pouring soap on himself.
So what does this make them healthy?
Is that a big shield?
Full shield.
It would be full health too if you needed health.
And then let's go follow that...
See the line on the mini-map?
Yeah.
That's how you get to the circle, so follow that.
We gotta play this on our show.
You're already a third of the way through...
the people.
Yeah, you're doing well.
You're doing awesome, Guile. Just keep doing this.
Yeah, I'm...
feeling good, I guess.
I would break that thing and get that chest.
Break that thing to the left.
See the chest up there?
Yeah, I would break that.
Do I double jump?
That's a stagecoach.
Yeah, double jump.
Is this your first time Kyle?
Have you ever said that exact sentence?
Press R1.
We're reacting now.
R1 and then pick that up.
I got three guys.
Okay.
Can people see us?
Yeah. We're on camera.
I thought that was the camera. I don't know who's on camera
She wears short shirts
So someone wearing coochie cutters just walked in we're here Oh Where? Here? Who? Gentlemen.
Oh, I saw those coochie cutters earlier.
I don't think that's what they're called.
Oh. What are they called?
Ballbusters?
I don't think that's what they're called either.
I think they're just called short shorts.
During this segment, they're just called pants. Short shorts. Kyle, how you doing?
He does look like he knows at least how to walk around, which Brandon or Che knew how to do.
Well, I mean that's...
Right.
Brandon and Che both had a tough time using both thumbs at the same time.
Fatal fields?
Fatal fields doesn't sound as pleasant. Yeah.
See ya.
How come nobody came? Oh I'm starting to hear gunfire.
Oh, I see bullets.
What should I, what gun should I get right now?
When you get super close, pull out the shotgun.
Oh. He's running into battle.
Alright. And here we go
All right Kyle there. They are to the left hey no
Frantic screaming at me okay, okay?
Lower yes, yeah, yeah Lower, lower. Good shot. No.
He just got in the mix.
Come on, come on Kyle.
Yes.
Nobody scream, nobody scream.
One more.
Two.
Alright to your left left there's more.
I think getting close to the shotty.
That's a grenade. Throw that, throw that.
Throw it at him.
No ammo.
No ammo.
Yeah!
Wow!
KB!
Nice job.
Alright, they're behind you. How come his health is going down but not his chug jug thing? Yeah, Wow KB
How come his health is going down but not as chug jug
What boogie bomb. Boogie bomb. I would go back up there and pick up their guns.
There is a guy up there still.
I'll get my bearings.
Shake them out.
It's got a three piece. Peace.
Kyle, you're moving like an experienced gamer. He is.
I used to play.
Yeah.
You said 15 years ago though.
I would check that house.
Yeah.
I've heard that.
That's a beautiful tree house.
You should go up there.
It's real nice.
40 people left.
Anybody here ever have a tree house?
Never.
That's a lot of stairs.
All right, so pick that up.
Now you have an AR.
Is this it?
Yeah. Can you have an AR. Is this it? Yeah.
Can you just hang out here?
Is that a strategy?
Do people do that?
Yeah.
I would just hide and stay there so I don't have to run around so much.
One of the first strategies in this was just to find a bush and send it.
Really?
For how long?
Until you die.
Fighting to your right and left. That's how you die.
Fighting to your right.
And left.
Oh, right down there.
Yep.
Aim.
Kyle's on the hook.
Alright.
Light him up.
Yeah! Long range Bauer!
Let's go!
If you stop walking while you shoot, you aim better.
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
That's kind of...
One to your right.
One to your right, yeah.
There's at least two more people here.
How loose are you using the term people, TJ?
Gamers.
Yes!
30 to go.
Out of ammo. You're actually close. I Don't know
Yeah, who up the tree go
Fucking this freaking guy try jeepers
Gosh darn, he's good. I'm about to say he's gonna run for store
Zones on you you had a run
Come on Kyle all right Kyle Kyle
Alright, we're gonna start going crazy for you. Hey, still a good run.
Good run, good run, good run, good run, Kyle.
What happened? I missed it. He was...
Alright. Alright, Kyle.
TJ, what happened? I thought he had the chug jug and full health.
Alright, Kyle.
Yeah, that guy didn't miss.
That was the difficulty level of identifying a triangle.
Getting those kills. The difficulty level of identifying a triangle.
Donnie was about to come in.
I told him to wait until Fortnite was over.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Tell him to come in.
Does he have snacks?
He does.
Do you want a cookie?
Sure.
I'm not much of a sweets guy, but... Really?
No, I'll eat like seven pizzas, like french fries, but like sweets.
Seven pizzas? I'll have like a pizzas and french fries Seven pizzas?
I'll have a bite of a sweet
What's your guilty?
I'm such a fat pig
Pizza and
Fucking french fries
Chips
Wait Nick where are you going?
Oh he had to piss
Oh I thought you meant chef Donnie
I thought he was bringing snacks in.
That's what I meant.
Donnie's back.
Donnie, welcome back.
We got to go record.
Me and Joey do right now.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, it's great having you guys.
Thank you for having us.
We love having you on the show.
Thank you for having us.
We love having you in the office.
It's fun here.
Please come back.
I will.
Boys Town.
Can I dress up next time as a Bull Dyke gym teacher?
Yes.
I'll just walk around the office along my whistle.
Absolutely.
Along my whistle.
Come in tomorrow, Julie.
I'll come in tomorrow, yeah.
All right.
There's no way.
I got to go.
There's not a chance.
I'd come in.
That was such a, like, oh, yeah, I'll come in tomorrow.
I'll come in tomorrow.
No, I have nothing else to do.
I'm here.
I have the whole day by myself.
Would you all go to dinner tomorrow?
My treat?
That'd be nice.
We're going to be watching football.
Here?
Yeah. Are you guys boozing? You can. Are you not going to booze? My treat? That'd be nice. We're going to be watching football. Here? Yeah.
Are you guys boozing?
You can.
Are you not going to booze?
I don't.
Oh.
If you booze, you can't bet.
Oh, okay.
Well, you don't gamble.
Well, I don't booze just because I can't afford to be hungover.
True that.
What games are on tomorrow?
Ravens and Bengals.
Good game.
Oh.
So if you want to come watch us.
Bengals is Joe Burrow
Will Compton will be here
Joe Burrow
Yeah
And Ravens is
Lamar
Green
No
Lamar
Lamar Odom
Jackson
Yep
Yep
And then Kyle Long
Who actually
Oh Kyle Long
Yeah
Kyle Long follows me
Yeah
Yeah
He's a big burly guy
Yeah
What teams does he play on
He played for the Bears Yeah A year for the Chiefs Strangely he's been a fan of mine for years He's always big burly guy Yeah What teams does he play on? He played for the Bears
Yeah
A year for the Chiefs
Strangely he's been a fan of mine for years
He's always in my DMs
You used to comment
Ruin my hole
On his Instagram photos
I did yeah
Yeah
That's how I met Taylor LeJuan
Got it
I commented Ruin my hole
And then I met him in person
We do have to go record
A hit podcast
Called Out and About
But thank you for having me
Alright
Thank you Dan
I'll see you guys
Alright boys
And even though I was in Uganda I don't support their stance on homosexuality so
just wanted to oh you're gonna just want to clear that up all right next time let's see where mook
is mook's gonna produce producer extraordinaire mook truly when mook produces the number is
actually one last question pat yeah is playboy mart Playboy Marty doing okay? Playboy Marty's engaged.
He's engaged.
He's engaged?
Good for him.
I loved him.
Yeah, he's a great guy.
Yeah.
He's doing really well.
All right, good.
See you, boys.
Donnie.
Have we peppered Donnie with questions yet?
No, we haven't started.
I'm very curious.
Donnie, before we do that, though, Titus had a great idea yesterday on the Yak.
I don't know if you heard.
I did not.
You guys lost the africa
bowl yes wait so first leg so when you when is the video going to come out i don't know like a
month or so i'm kind of like a one-man team at the moment so we'll all right so let's say a month
yeah we have um championship shirts that we're gonna put on the Barstool Sports store. Africa sends their
losing team championship shirts to America.
That's a great idea.
And Triggs made them. They look sick.
Wait, they're made?
I'll send them to you guys.
Maybe like 20% of sales could
go towards supporting their football program?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They need all the help they can get.
I mean, they barely had enough pads to play the game.
Like, people wouldn't like – we would change from offense to defense.
So people on the offense had to give their pads to defense.
All right, let's cut out the Czech lacrosse team.
We're now supporting Ugandan football.
Yeah.
So this is your first time meeting the players the staff you haven't
talked to them on zoom or anything no we just showed up how did you roll up I talked to one
guy who's like the president of American football out there so this started with me just going to
cover a football game in Africa being like look they're playing football in africa and it turned into so much more turned it like we became the head coaches of the team billy ended up becoming the starting
quarterback for the team um it was very emotional and the whole like lead up to the game is just
beautiful like probably the best stuff i've filmed this is incredible it's so inspiring
and then game day was just an absolute disaster.
All right.
I'm so excited for this.
You guys go to the first time meeting the team is a practice?
Yes.
Zah, is this something that anyone knows about in Africa?
Or is it like a new thing?
American football, not.
So I have been gone for about 13 years.
And back when I lived there it was
just basketball that was big got it yeah so it's it's a new this is a new enterprise yeah i'm very
new okay yes yeah so much so they don't have the pads yeah they didn't have the pads uh shout out
pardon my cheesesteak um and this church group in houston called like uh his print ministries
they helped they helped get some pads out to uganda there's print called his like his print ministries. They helped. They helped get some pads out to Uganda.
There is print called his print.
His print ministry is a church group.
They're the one who they.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
We're all thinking the same thing.
I mean, these people.
Is that like one name?
I thought it was called high sprint ministries.
And I was shouting out high sprint.
And the guy's like, no, it's his print.
His print.
Okay.
So they collect equipment.
Teddy Bridgewater picture?
Yeah.
I would worship that thing.
My God.
Yeah, so they collect all the equipment and donate it to programs around the world, and then part of my cheesesteak helped pay for the shipping to get it to new york and then me and billy just brought three wait wait awful bags of pads on the plane all we did was
all part of my cheesesteak did was ship stuff from texas to new york so yeah
no guys are heroes nice we're fucking guys the plan was that's pathetic no the plan was part
of my cheesesteak was going to send out like a hundred sets of pads that would arrive sometime in January or February so they can start a league.
We're still in for that.
And then like a week before he was like, wait, we actually need pads for this game.
And then we're like, well, we don't have time to like ship them via air freight.
Got it.
Like have them arrive on time but i was like but if you just
send them to new york me that is he can each bring two duffel bags filled with pads okay
yeah um makes more sense yes yeah and part of my cheesesteak has been supportive i think um
there's a few more things they're gonna help pay for whatever you guys need yeah yeah yeah um
without giving away too much uh can you walk through the process of
billy football installing himself as quarterback yeah so that um i know it kind of looks bad but
like the president of ugandan football the ugandan coaches even the players they all wanted him to
start okay um yeah and so once he like once someone told him that he was like oh 100 i'm in i'm
starting even though he apparently had a fracture.
Yeah, I was just saying, did they know he had a broken foot?
They were aware, but they were just like, we need a win.
At one point, this was the night before the game,
they told Billy, they're like, if we lose,
we might not even have a Ugandan football program anymore.
Oh, my God.
And when I heard that, I was just like.
And then Billy went out and scored zero points.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
So to be fair, the refs had no idea what they were doing.
There was one ref that had some training,
but you can't ref a football game with just one ref.
So, the guys doing the down markers, like, they didn't know how to do first downs.
So, Billy was marching down the field with his Ugandan brothers,
and they were getting, like, you know, three to six yards of play,
but then they just would never call the first down,
and it would be a turnover.
Yeah, the way it was described to me via PFT, via Billy,
is that if you first down, if you gained five yards,
they would make it second and ten.
You had to gain all ten yards and one down.
Yeah.
I like that.
Good wrinkle.
I like it.
Fun wrinkle. Fun wrinkle. I like it. Fun wrinkle.
Fun wrinkle.
Would football be better that way?
No.
Definitely not.
No touch push.
It would just be the Big Ten West.
Oh.
It would just be punts.
We tried the touch push.
What?
Oh, no.
We taught the touch push.
It was supposed to be like the highlight of the game,
and then apparently the center never even hiked the ball.
They just went off sides, took the ball from the center, the center and ran it for a touchdown oh that's how they scored
one of their touchdowns yeah so when you get there what is their experience with football
just scrimmages or even that apparently they had played kenya a few times before but they like need
more opportunities they ever win they had beat beat Kenya once. That's funny.
That's even funnier.
They had drawn once, and they had lost their last game.
This was their first time playing 11-on-11.
Before, they had only been able to play 9v9, I believe.
They need more opportunities to play.
So, if there are any American high schools or colleges out there that either want to go to Uganda and play this team
or invite them to the U.S. to play.
Why don't you send Antioch to Uganda?
Why don't you finance that trip?
Yeah.
You should have Antioch play the WNBA champion.
Yeah, I could do that.
Set that up.
Uh-oh.
Are we worried about this?
No, let's not even.
Let's not.
We're not?
Yeah, I don't think we should.
Let's not.
What?
Nothing.
Yeah, we should send Antioch to play.
Yeah, I don't know if I have that kind of pull yet.
I was going to buy them state championship rings, but that wasn't real,
so I could say I would spend that money.
Do you think Antioch could beat Kenya?
I feel like we could beat Kenya.
Yeah.
You thought they could beat Carmel Catholic?
They were a very beatable team.
Yeah, Kenya's beatable.
Dude, I can't wait for Kenya's football team to put your dumb face in oh yeah locker their hype video
so yeah i don't want to give too much away donnie do you think you'll be back
there's a chance that so that this is supposed to be the first leg of the african zone series
and now uganda goes to kenya to play them december 12th oh that's
yeah so it's like billy really wants to go back he is all that do they respect him as a coach
and leader yes they do they do i mean everyone was a little afraid of billy including me in the
first half because he was just losing his mind screaming at the refs just that's the thing is
that that the video can't be spoiled
because billy seeing what how billy reacts is going to be the video yeah but no i mean the
lead up we we developed a great rapport with all the players that's why billy was so broken
afterwards he was like these players trusted us we let the ugandan team down he i mean he was
bawling his eyes out to me and i was I was trying my best to comfort him was that
awkward it was a little awkward but then but then afterwards I was like hey like I didn't film that
like because I'm not trying to put you on the spot yeah he was like no no that's actually fine
so then later when he called his mom and started crying again I did film that nice um he cares
he cares so what about off the field the recreation did you hang out with
the players what did you do uh yeah the field was also a bar so we would uh that's awesome yeah we
were billy was guzzling beers this trip but also in a very responsible manner um i mean those beers
those two words don't go together i you know guzzling
and responsible the only time he wasn't responsible was the flight home where um we went to check in
for our flights and like the lady was like has your friend been drinking and i was like he's had
a few beers and she was like he he can barely walk like i don't think we're gonna let him on this
plane and i was like no no no i'll be sure he does not have another beer.
He's fine.
He's going to drink water and be fine.
And so then we get into the airport, and he does drink two large waters.
And then after like an hour and a half, he's like,
do you guys mind if I have one more beer?
And I was like, I'm not your mom.
You can have a beer.
Just like if you don't get allowed on the flight i am getting on
that flight right right 100 and um somehow the same lady from check-in walks by right before
we're supposed to board she was like that's it you're not getting on the flight no on the flight
and then i was like no no like he drank a lot of water he's fine he's fine and then like i took
the beer from him kind kind of distracted her,
and he just went and boarded the plane.
Oh, man.
So, wait.
So, when are you going to go back?
I don't know.
We'll see.
If this game does happen in Nairobi, it would be December 12th.
And, I mean, I would consider going back if it's just, like,
a short three-day trip.
Yeah.
I want to get that win or else it's just –
Yeah.
It's such a sad
ending you need the conclusion to the video yeah they were like looking at replays on your phone
i would yeah they were i was trying to tell them like yeah you like he didn't even hike the ball
and then they're like oh can we see it on your gopro but the gopro screen is so small they
couldn't see anything and the ref was paid by the kenyans so then he oh he sided with them oh i was gonna
suggest that wait so the refs wait yeah so what if i gave you bribe money what if that's a part
of my cheesesteak that could go a long way i'll give you bribe money you guys don't have you guys
don't have equipment but what you do have is my bribe money yeah or, or we could just, like, send a ref out there. I don't know if any refs are watching.
Jerry.
Yeah.
I'm going to throw it out there.
Oh, no, Jerry did go to Columbia, so he does have a passport.
Let's bring him in here and say we're going to send him.
Can you send him to Africa?
As the ref.
Jerry!
Jerry needs to ref this game.
Oh, my God.
I mean, but it's –
We got to check the Steelers' schedule.
It was tough.
Like, these players – we had 25-year-old guys on the Ugandan team,
and they would come talk to me after practice,
and they're like, my dream is to play in the NFL.
And it's kind of, like, heartbreaking because, like,
there are players in the U.S. who are 25 years old
and have been playing football their whole lives
who have no chance of going to the NFL.
What if you brought Will and Taylor?
Oh, and they could play for them.
Yeah, that would be huge.
Oh, my God.
That would be awesome.
An Aryan.
An Aryan, yeah.
Just feel the full NFL squad.
Oh, my God.
We couldn't beat Kenya or Billy, so we're just bringing out the big guys.
Does Will need to be?
Does Uganda have a practice squad?
That would be so funny if we just stacked it.
Stacked it because if I fly back to Africa and then we lose to Kenya again,
that can't happen.
We have to guarantee you win.
All the white American football players celebrating Uganda's big win.
And listen, we're just popping champagne and high-fiving each other.
We only need Will Taylor,
Blake Bortles.
That's all you need.
I was saying we only need them to play
for the first quarter and put up like four touchdowns.
Then we can put all the Ugandan players
back. No, no.
You need to put those guys in in the last quarter.
Oh, yeah.
Just orchestrate players back. That's true. No, no, a comeback. Last quarter. You need to put those guys in in the last quarter. Oh, yeah. Really crush them.
Just orchestrate the most incredible story ever.
Why don't we get Antioch to go over?
That's what I said.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
I don't know if I could afford it.
They'd probably lose.
No.
They would, yeah.
Brandon.
Nick Day.
Another Antioch pizza chain reached out to me.
Yeah?
What about?
They want to send me some merch. Well, here's the thing. Listen, Antioch Pizza is one of the best. Yeah? What about? They want to send me some merch.
Well, here's the thing.
Listen, Antioch Pizza is one of the best pizzas you'll ever put in your mouth.
They have eight locations in the northwest suburbs.
The franchising opportunities are available.
They want to send me some crust.
Get you some crust, then.
Yeah.
I'll bring the boys some pizza.
Yeah, please.
Did they really?
Another one did, yeah.
Wisconsin?
It's in Burlington, Wisconsin.
Did Billy run into any cultural obstacles well one of the cultural obstacles is that we would be somewhere at like a safari lodge where no one even knows this game is happening and he's getting
worked up and he's like we're gonna kill kenya we're gonna kill the canyons it's like a quiet
it's like a quiet restaurant i'm like no one knows the context of what you're talking about.
Trying to start a war.
Yeah.
So it's like, let's quiet down all the kill Kenya talk.
He's in his camo fit.
Yeah.
I'll kill Kenya.
How long was the flight?
It was about two eight-hour legs.
Something like that.
You went to Egypt first.
Yeah, we went togypt on the way there um and then when we were
in the egypt airport billy chugged a beer at the bar and there was someone else at the bar
and his eyes are just are like are getting wider and wider as he's watching billy chug this beer
and then he burps and he goes america motherfucker and. And I was like, that's the last thing you want to do in Egypt.
Like, try to keep a low profile in Egypt,
where there's already probably a lot of people that don't like America.
That's incredible.
A cultural obstacle, when he was, we went to a music festival out there,
and he had a Zin and Tylenol in his bag.
I heard this.
Yeah, they thought, like, the Zin may have been cocaine.
They thought the Tylenol was, like, some sort of ecstasy.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think they made him, like, pop a Tylenol in front of them.
I don't know.
What is that?
Hell, yeah.
So if it's a hard drug, he's like, yeah.
Yeah.
But they were so confused about Zin, and we were like, no,
it's like cigarette, but it's healthy.
It's like for people that are trying to quit smoking cigarettes. They were so confused about Zinn, and we were like, no, it's like cigarette, but it's healthy. It's like for people that are trying to quit smoking cigarettes.
They were very confused.
That's incredible.
But, yeah, Billy does really care about this team,
and all of the players and coaches really appreciated his help.
Do they all speak English?
Yeah, they could all.
It's funny.
Everyone on the team spoke really good English except for our quarterback,
who's the one person who we like calling the plays.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go Uganda.
Go Uganda.
How was Uganda?
Where were you in Uganda?
The people there were super friendly.
There was one terror alert while we were out there that made us a little nervous
because there's one rebel group called the ADF.
And we read an article, like, oh, seven ADF rebels crossed the border.
So all U.S. citizens be on high alert.
We were worried about that, but we didn't run into any problems.
Billy would have taken them out.
Yeah.
Then he finally would have been a hero.
Yeah.
Instead of losing to Kenya.
If he could have stopped the terrorist attack.
Damn.
We got swarmed by wasps at one point.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
We went to see the gorillas do, like, gorilla tracking.
In their homes.
Yes, in their homes yes in their homes um and we came to a stop point
right before we were going to hike down this hill and see the gorillas and our guide was like if
anyone needs to like smoke or do anything do it now and so three of the people we were with had
vapes including me so we all like hit a vape put it, and then we hiked down the hill, finally find the gorillas.
And as soon as we find them, a wasp lands on our main guide, bites her,
and she's like, uh-oh, guys, run, run.
Your guide?
Yeah, and then they start attacking all of us.
I got bit like six times.
What?
That sucks.
And Billy was like, it was because you guys vaped.
Wasps are attracted to vapes. And I was like, shut up, Billy Vaped like wasps are attracted to vapes
And I was like shut up
Billy it had nothing to do with vaping
And then I looked up
On Google afterwards I think wasps actually
Are attracted to vapes
Oh my god
Billy was right
Yeah I was shocked because like Billy does have a lot of theories
Yeah so most of the time they're not
True at all
Did you get to see the gorillas?
Yes that was a magical experience How close? and like yeah so most of the time they're not true at all did you get to see the gorillas yes okay
yeah that was a magical experience how close very close probably you scared at some points like
five six feet what yeah were you scared very close i was not scared the guides did have guns not to
harambe any of these things but just like if they charge like
they could fire a shot or something um but no the gorillas were just chilling it seems like they
lead an awesome life they have no predators they just chill in the jungle eating shit that's very
close yeah are they aware of our americans fascination with con Kony the gorillas
the gorillas
we did bring that up
at one point and
yeah so no one
apparently Kony's in Darfur
like someone claims to have seen him there
oh wow
but no one yeah like no one in
Uganda he was just
deemed like no longer a threat
And so they called off the manhunt
But at one point
There was like a 20 million dollar prize for him
Damn
20 million Uganda
What did Kony do?
He had child soldiers
They put out that Kony 2012
Yeah I remember that
That went insanely viral
And the guy who made that doc was that
white dude who was like very masturbated yeah yeah like a couple weeks after it came out he
couldn't handle all the fame from the video and he was caught naked in san diego jacking off in
public what okay yeah what happens that's an interesting way to handle fame.
Happens every time.
Yeah, it does.
Damn, I'm so excited for this.
Yeah.
Me too.
How many, like, is it going to be one episode, a couple episodes?
The whole saga, like, from starting in the U.S.
to getting blown out by Kenya might be, like, five, six vids.
Love it.
Something.
But, yeah, we'll have to talk to Jerry and Taylor,
see if we can get some support for the second leg.
That would be incredible.
I wouldn't hate having Che be the ref.
Oh, yeah.
Che, you can play, dude.
Oh, Che, good play.
Oh, Che, you have to be wide receiver. Che, you have to play.
I think I'm going to be breaking some film down for Donnie,
which I did in the Dreyfus Concierge.
That's really neither here nor there.
Completely deflected that request.
Che, will you go play wide receiver?
Would you?
When is this match?
December 12th, maybe.
We actually have some pretty solid wide receivers.
It was pouring out, so.
Is he going to go with Bucks?
Is he going to go with kids?
Kids.
It's only three days.
Athletes from other sports.
What's the excuse?
Yeah, like a couple of the players were recruited from the baseball team of Uganda.
So our quarterback used to be the pitcher for Uganda.
Okay.
So, Steven, why wouldn't you go?
I mean, if this is a serious thing, we can discuss it for sure.
Okay.
We're discussing it.
You playing wide receiver would be electric.
They've never seen 4-4 speed.
No.
Never mind.
This is the slowest man alive. Yeah've been i've been talking to donnie the the film so i helped with actually my initial four rounds of content was doing
film breakdowns for his chinese football league that's right which ended up helping
it helped yeah in the end uh i was looking for what was it the kenya white rhinos yes just got a bunch of search
results about rhinos so uh there's not a lot of kenyan game film out there but now we have some
donnie talked to me about this morning so hopefully we can put put together a game plan for the next
game the reverse completely fucked us i was kind of like the defensive end coach and um we didn't
know they were going to run the reverse until right before the game,
and so I tried to talk them through it on paper,
but we didn't get to practice it in practice,
and then they ran the reverse and just completely tricked our defensive ends
and scored a touchdown.
What do you mean you didn't know they were going to run the reverse?
How did you find out they were going to run the reverse?
They got to the field before us, and we had someone at the field filming them. Oh, you're Belichick. Yeah, yeah. And you saw to run the reverse they got to the field before us and we had someone at the field filming your belichick yeah yeah and you saw them practice the reverse yes
that's incredible the situations you get yourself in are insane yeah i mean it was just so sad
because we were on live tv they were writing about us in the newspapers out there. And they were like, they're going to bring glory to Uganda.
Oh, no.
And we lost.
We did.
Billy did.
Every time we were on live TV, he was like, I want to bring up Coney.
I want to bring up Coney.
I was like, I don't think we should bring up Coney.
Were there field goal posts?
Yeah, because it was a rugby field.
Okay.
Yeah.
You have posts in rugby as well.
Damn.
All right.
Well, December 12th, Judgment Day.
Got to beef it up.
I got your bribe money.
All right, that would be huge.
No problem.
That would be huge.
I mean, I'm pretty sure we had to pay some bribes while we were out there, too.
Because just the night before the game, Billy got cornered and was like oh so like someone
screwed us we actually need money to rent the field and we need money to get all the helmets
out of customs and i was like why are you telling us this the night before the game right and so
they shook down billy for a thousand bucks what yeah ugandan or Ugandan or? No, a thousand USD.
Whoa.
What?
Yeah.
Because Billy was like, wait, so if I don't pay this, we're just not going to be able to have the game.
Damn.
Yeah.
I can't believe he budged.
Billy, I know.
A lot of politics.
A lot of politics.
A lot of politics in African America, like football in Africa.
Yeah.
But it does sound like money talks, and I think that's the takeaway.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I think we need to send the boys with a shitload of cash.
Step in.
Just a briefcase full of cash.
You probably shouldn't say this.
Drop some bags and put that W.
Yeah.
I know.
It doesn't even have to be a shitload.
It's going to be a 6'3", blonde kid from New York who will have a
briefcase full of cash
and then we'll put
nothing in his briefcase
and your briefcase
will have all the cash.
I like it.
Brilliant.
I like it.
Yeah.
All right, TJ,
you want to spin the wheel?
We got a lot of people on.
We got a lot of people on.
We can hit something.
It would be
if the wheel
has a sense of humor.
I know what you're saying.
Having to go back into the wet wheel Having malice
Oh
Alright
Have you guys
Have you guys tested out the new shower yet?
Oh yeah
Unfortunately
We don't want to talk about it anymore
Okay
We have a camera in that room
Yeah it's
It's very
Bad idea
Morally Donnie
TJ can you pull up the cam
What do you think of this morally
It's unsettling Donnie
Trust us for this
There's the cam there's just the shower
Now did people like know about that
Big T did not
They found out after they showered
I'm getting it taken down
It's over.
That chapter is over.
Let's all put it behind us.
Yeah, let's pretend this never happened.
We got real perverted for a little bit.
I said there's going to be some kinks we got to work out.
I didn't know it was going to be that we were going to be spying on coworkers.
Yeah, real kink.
But we're out.
We're good.
Shower camera went through so many levels of approval we're all we're
all so sick and i know nobody questioned somebody purchased it somebody installed it installed it
from pitch to installation so many people had to say yes yeah chain of command is broken
damn all right we'll see you ever tomorrow we got will why were the cops here that chat spamming chain of command is broken damn alright
we'll see you over tomorrow
we got Will here tomorrow
why were the cops here
the chat's spamming about it
they were just
they're
patrolmen in our area
so
because we're a new business
to open up
they wanted to come check it out
there we go
so
that's probably not the answer
that people wanted
but that's the answer
that it was
alright see you in Marbot.