The Yak - Ugandan Football Coach Wonton Don is Back from Africa | The Yak 11-15-23

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, DJ, hold that up. What the heck? Oh, gee. JV's dumper looks good today. Hello, it's the Yak. Sponsored by Roback. Roback.com.
Starting point is 00:00:39 Promo code YAK. 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. What the fuck is that, Nick? What's what? Oh. Uh-oh. This isn'tos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. What the fuck is that, Nick? What's what? Oh. Uh-oh. This isn't mine.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Never have I. Oh, okay. It's Joey. I can't. He's a minority. I can't say anything about Joey. It's a one-year anniversary of Stella Blue. Thank you to everyone who's bought it.
Starting point is 00:00:59 Joey and Pat are here. I have beef with Joey. Thank you for having us. You got beef with Joey? Well, you got a lot of things we got to ask you about. Yeah. He's got beef with Pat and Joe I got one anecdote I wanted to just share
Starting point is 00:01:08 God damn it Fuck What? Oh What the hell was that? Did Nicky Smokes prank you? Oh he got me There's a mousetrap in there
Starting point is 00:01:20 Did Nicky Smokes get Brandon? Brandon that scared me I thought you were dying I thought you were I thought you were having a kidney stone or something. Yeah, I thought it was a stroke. Did Brandon just get smoked? Did you just get Nikki smoked? Did you just get smoked? Was it smoked?
Starting point is 00:01:39 Yeah, hey Joey. He got fucking smoked. It wasn't smoked. Oh, it wasn't smoked. It wasn't smoked. The mousetrap was coming from inside the room. You should have said it fucking smoked. It wasn't smoked. Oh, it wasn't smoked. It wasn't smoked. The mousetrap was coming from inside the room. You should have said it was smoked.
Starting point is 00:01:50 It was smoked. Yeah, it was smoked. Did it get you? Yeah. The perfect crime. Just be like, yeah, it's smoked. We should start doing that. Dude, I put that.
Starting point is 00:01:58 Like shaving Brandon's head and be like, it was smoked. Yeah, it was smoked. You broke the headphones. You broke the headphones. No, these are easy. Jesus. I honestly thought that a 5% chance of death. That reaction was morbid. It was a lot.
Starting point is 00:02:12 I was very scared. That could not have gone any better. I thought there was no chance that it would possibly work. It was perfect. There was no chance that it would work. Because I felt something. Because it didn't get my butt. I put it right behind the cushion.
Starting point is 00:02:24 So I thought when you sit down the cushion would hit it. It would go off but it would be... You hit him a little bit. You have a little red mark on you. What? Are you owling?
Starting point is 00:02:31 I pinched him. Come on. I pinched him. You look thin today, Brandon. I pinched him. I didn't know you got pinched, Brandon. I'm sorry. Joey, did you see KB's ass?
Starting point is 00:02:41 Ow. It was hard not to see it. Can you stand up and give Joey a gander that looks like Louie's? not to see it can you stand up and turn it show give Joey a gander it's gotten big it hasn't gotten bigger it's gotten bigger
Starting point is 00:02:51 it's gotten way bigger 100 air squats a day you're wearing ass pants today well he knew who was going to be in the office yeah you can just leave it right there I ordered my lunch the wrong time Joey and Pat are wearing the new anus merch. Discord exclusive.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Thanks, guys. I didn't know. Hell, yes. I'll be dropping black Friday. This is not gay. Yeah, yeah. Do you guys have the ass and dick thing? Yes.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Like straight guys have with the tits and ass? Ass and dick? Yeah, yeah. More of a dick guy or an ass guy? It's dick versus balls, I think. Yeah, would you be like, that guy's got good balls? Ooh. Yeah, you could. Yeah, that guy's got good balls? Ooh. Yeah, you could.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Yeah, because I've been with people who have had bad balls. I'm an ass man regardless, so I'm kind of out of it. Would you rather be with a guy with good dick, bad balls, bad balls, good dick? Good dick, bad balls. Do you guys both have boyfriends right now or no? I do, yes. I don't. What happened?
Starting point is 00:03:40 He's watching right now. He's watching right now. Can you say hi to Bae? Say hi, Bae. Hey, what's up, Bae? We call it quits. I call it quits. Oh.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Yeah. So if anyone wants to suck my cock in Chicago, I'm available. You can go on It's Only Fantasy and preview. He posted a picture of the trunk of his cock earlier. I did, yeah. I posted a preview of the trunk of my cock. He's been taking – he's staying with me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:03 He's been taking – he's filming content in my apartment. That's not true. I'm not filming content in your apartment. Did you have the, I texted TJ a photo of how I woke up. Nick doesn't have a ceiling in the bedroom. So good. Brandon knows. Everybody knows.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Oh my God. Holy shit. All right, so I knew you didn't have a ceiling. He was slithering up there. I didn't know you had a viewing balcony. He has a viewing balcony. Wait, do you have a roof deck too? That's my room up there.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Oh, up the spiral staircase? Yeah. Dude, your place is sick. Very sick. It doesn't really feel like a place. It's more of a, Moot calls it an arena. It's an arena. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Yeah. Yeah, Pat was just saying that we got to convince Joey to move to Chicago. Yeah. And Joey said never in a million years. I haven't been to Boys Town yet, so I can't judge it by that yet. Is it different than the – I've been to the West Loop. I like that. That's where we are now.
Starting point is 00:04:52 I like River North. That was nice. You would only live in New York, Miami, or L.A., correct? I can't live in Miami. I don't speak the language. But I would live in L.A. Okay, but that's it. U.S.
Starting point is 00:05:03 No. Well, New York, yeah. But my dream is when I leave the city to go to Hudson Valley area. Oh. Beautiful up there. That's a trend. Rhinebeck? Anywhere up there.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Rhinebeck. Beacon. Beacon. Hudson. Any of those cute towns because they're cute around. That's where all the Hollywood actors that are a little tired live. That's where I'm going to go. Paul Rudd lives up there.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Yeah, yeah. Like Douglas. Yeah, he just wears like a sweatshirt every day and looks good going to get coffee he's like I'm Paul Rudd that would be boring
Starting point is 00:05:31 you wouldn't want to actually live up there yes I would it would be boring I'd have a garden I'd have a garden I could plant begonias I could have perennials
Starting point is 00:05:38 I guess that's a lot but I think you should I think you should give Chicago a year try I don't I was telling them earlier there's no one that's from Chicago or lives in Chicago has main character energy and it's a lot But I think you should I think you should give Chicago a year try I don't I was telling them earlier There's no one
Starting point is 00:05:45 That's No one that's from Chicago Or lives in Chicago Has main character energy And it's a very tough It's a big thing That's why I love it I was an actor
Starting point is 00:05:52 I mean people are I'm not saying There's not talented Amazing people here But I'm just saying For like that bitch We're all extras Yeah
Starting point is 00:05:59 Yeah I'm concerned with that bitch And I just don't I didn't say anything About that No you're not wrong That's my favorite part Yeah That's a compliment Think about it I'm concerned with that bitch I didn't say anything about that No you're not wrong That's my favorite part I moved from
Starting point is 00:06:11 Paris to Chicago It's not a city you come to To be the most fabulous version of yourself But wouldn't you want to be surrounded by He's not wrong Good home values A clean city A great place to raise families
Starting point is 00:06:26 But you want to be main character I'm that bitch So I need to have an area that can support that I need the infrastructure that can support that And I don't know that Chicago has that That makes perfect sense I've not bumped into any that bitch in Chicago Doesn't that just mean there's a vacuum
Starting point is 00:06:44 And that there's A throne there for the taking For you to come in and any that bitch in Chicago. Doesn't that just mean there's a vacuum and that there's a throne there for the taking for you to come in and be that bitch? Yeah, you could be. No one is that bitch. What would I be? Italian beef queen or beefqueen.com? Well, yeah. What would her legacy be?
Starting point is 00:06:57 I don't know. Chicago, a Midwestern. I don't know. Where's your guys' show tonight? Tonight? It's tonight. Tonight. Zany's Rosemont.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Still any tickets? No, it's sold out in tonight? Tonight? It's tonight. Tonight. Zany's Rosemont. Still any tickets? No, it's sold out in two days. I'm sorry. Love that. But no one told me that Rose were basically performing in fucking. At O'Hare. We're at O'Hare. We're in Terminal D.
Starting point is 00:07:15 If we're in New York, if we're in New York, where would we be performing as far as proximity to Rosemont? You would be performing in. Perth Amboy. Like. Yeah. No, you. West Islip. You'd be in like Amboy. Like. Yeah. No. West Islip.
Starting point is 00:07:25 You'd be in like Long Island. Like. Yeah. Western Long Island. Oh, like that far? No, no. Not. But it's only 30 minutes.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Yeah. Very western. Western Long Island closer to the city. Great choice, Trish. It's only 30 minutes from the city. It's actually a beautiful. They made. So, Rosemont, where they used to have WNBA teams play out there,
Starting point is 00:07:47 DePaul used to play out there. They made this little town center that has a bunch of restaurants, like Joe's on Weed. There's Joe's on Weed out there. Oh, let's go to Joe's on Weed. So it's cool. You never been to that bar? I thought you guys did a show there.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Did we? Do we do a Joe's on Weed? It's Weed Street, so it's Joe's. Oh, maybe. Joe's Bar. But yeah, there's like a nice little area up there. WrestleMania 22 is there. And I figure it's like 30 minutes from, it takes like 30 minutes to get to the East Village
Starting point is 00:08:15 from the office. Right. But it's like 15 miles out here. Right. So it's scary. Right. But like we said- You guys will be fine.
Starting point is 00:08:21 We sell tickets and you don't have to come to the show. As long as you buy the tickets. I like that. That's the support that we need. Yeah. No show show an empty room. Yeah. That'd be a dream. So I have more room to get my chair in.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Yeah. Main character energy. Last night I had to share this one anecdote. I got absolutely embarrassed beyond belief. I went to the basketball game last night. Titus, you were there. Yeah. You were there.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Yeah. I was there for the first game. And a black guy came up to me. He was like, yo. fuck yes like yeah that's awesome that's sick and he goes club trillion oh shit i was like wrong guy and then he just walked away still kind of cool though yeah it hurt it hurt cool for you yeah very cool for you also not cool for you is it cool for you. Also not cool for you. Is it cool for me? No, that's cool for you. That's great for you.
Starting point is 00:09:07 That's yours. Yeah. Yeah. You have been getting fatter. Have you put on weight? Yeah, I've put on a little bit of weight. You? Did your diet change?
Starting point is 00:09:14 Like five to ten, but I needed to. Yeah? Yeah. I was a skinny little bitch. Yeah. So what are you guys doing in your show tonight? Well, I'm going to be doing A live gender reveal Okay
Starting point is 00:09:27 Of yourself Of myself Okay You have to tune in To find out what it is I'll be there We do a lot of crowd Our thing is like
Starting point is 00:09:35 A bachelor party On drugs You know it's alcohol But it's a bachelorette party Sorry I feel like the drugs Are implied with you Yeah
Starting point is 00:09:41 So it's like The girls It's all shit They party They're loud They got big tits They got hair high to god these girls show up and show out hair high to god yeah we have we have like a formula that we use that we kind of plug in different things as we go so we we open it up with something like city center we do philly
Starting point is 00:09:59 segment here is chicago i was picking white socks dave Brain. I don't know if that's the right guy. Yeah. White Sox Dave will get you where you need to be content-wise. We did that and then we got a bunch of other stuff going on. We spill secrets about ourselves. We do some crowd work. We do games. It's just a lot of involvement. It's like your best girls night out ever. There's drinking. We talk about sex. We get vulnerable. We just kind of share our, you know. Are you going, Kyle? Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:10:28 I'll be there. Your audience is mostly straight women? It's all straight women. Yeah. Seriously? We count the men in the audience. It's just like maybe there's three men in the audience. We count them out and we pull them out.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Dude, that's shooting fish in a barrel, dude. You should open for these guys. Dude, I opened for them one time. Yeah, you did. I thought I was going to be all gay, dude, so I wrote like gay material. And then I come out to Laugh Boston. and it was, like, 300 blonde chicks, and I just ate a dick for 12 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:50 We call them the man mafia. We're actually having man mafia merch, official merch, going to be launching for Black Friday. Don't put it on a golf shirt. No, no, no. Oh, God. It's not a golf shirt. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:11:00 It's a spot, Nick. Huh? You're in a tough spot. Will you like Will? Will will be here tomorrow. People are saying this is like what a kid feels like when their parents fight. Yeah. No.
Starting point is 00:11:11 This is like if your brother went up to you and he's like, I'm going to go fight God. Oh. No. And I have a similar relationship. Like with a brother, you text them, they text you back, they'll do anything for you, they'll hop on your show. And then God, you just think about him at night real hard um and that's kind of what's going on you know um will's video got me fired up it was the best of those videos yeah i went to the
Starting point is 00:11:34 pantry yeah he just always anytime he will and jerry are the two guys that if they post like a 10 minute video watch i watched the whole thing yeah and then he added the fart to the end credits. That was great. Who won that? Will won, right? Obviously. He added the fart. Yeah, he added the fart.
Starting point is 00:11:52 It's hard to come back from the fart. One fart to zero. Yeah. With the scoreboard. And that's how you tout it. One fart, everyone knows the rules. That's it. I don't know what they ruled it.
Starting point is 00:11:59 I know they were doing it on Barstool Radio. They hashed it out? Yeah. I don't know if it was a hash out or more beef. It is funny that Will, and Will's not the smartest guy. We'll tell him that to his face when he comes here tomorrow. His plan to do a fake beef, he just waited long enough and he got rigs into a real beef. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Starting point is 00:12:20 If they were smart, they would do- Will Compton. Oh, yeah. I know him. They would do a collab right now. What if this is the fake beef? This could be the fake beef. Are we getting work?
Starting point is 00:12:28 It's real. I've seen it in person. They're beef in person? You guys don't like each other? I think it's a little bit real. Oh, shit. I think Riggs should start doing football content. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Eye for an eye. He'll fuck that up, though. Yeah, I thought of you right away, Nick. Yeah, I didn't sleep last night. You're watching me. You're watching me. He thinks I'm the worst house guest because I left a Kit Kat wrapper out. No, he was swiffering at 7 in the morning this morning.
Starting point is 00:12:56 He keeps a clean voice. Oh, yeah. Wait, what is this? Sting. You look like you're about to hit him with a mean Swanton bomb off the top of your head. Yeah. Yeah. I was chilling on top of the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:13:10 The thing is, you stand there for hours. Why did you leave the Kit Kat wrapper? I pissed me off. I was high. Oh. Where are you staying, Joey? I'm staying at a hotel. I like to have my own space.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Do you know what I mean? I need my things I need to be able to lay out all my skincare products And binge eat You like ceilings on the rooms you're sleeping in Yeah But you and I was Zah and Dan from Security last night What a crew Those two are thick as thieves
Starting point is 00:13:38 Zah went to a Staten Island We had a whole episode about it There's like a brunch that they do once a month on Staten Island that you have to pay for. That's like a rager. Like a full-on rager. Zah went and got real fucked up with Danny in Staten Island. The boys.
Starting point is 00:13:57 That's last night. I call it the Motley Crue. Or the Odd Thrupple. Yeah. How late were you guys out? Not late because Dan had to draw, Dan had to get there at eight o'clock. Zah, I forget the thing about Zah is
Starting point is 00:14:10 he's a quarter of my size. So he, I mean, he had like one drink that wasn't even that strong, like a single, and he was like twirled. Zah, were you twirled? Yeah, Zah, is that true? Twirled? Twirled last night?
Starting point is 00:14:21 Zah got twirled. A little bit. We had a great time and Zah kept is that true? Twirled. Zah got twirled. A little bit. We had a great time, and Zah kept saying, we have no right all being together. It's like literally a racist ex-cop, a gay, and a Nigerian little person are all going out together. This is the brunch. This is the brunch?
Starting point is 00:14:40 It's the bathtub. King. They have that once a month on Staten Island? That looks awesome. Yeah, once a month. Happy divorce? Happy divorce, Justina. Justina is the most Jersey name ever.
Starting point is 00:14:56 But we were out last night. We met a girl who had some inside tea about Billy football at the bar. She goes, you guys are from Barstow, right? She goes, I have a story about Billy football. I'm nervous about this story. You want to text it to me first? It's not bad. You would know if it's good or not. It's not bad.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Yeah. I believe you. Joey? Yeah. He would know. I trust Pat. I don't trust Joey. It has nothing to do with Joey. Did you tell me this? No. It's nothing sexual. It's about when he was an intern somewhere. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Shall I proceed? Yes, proceed. I think it's okay. Proceed. Yeah. No, it's okay. It's just true Billy style. So some woman said that she goes, you know, she recognizes Zana. She goes, oh, I have a story about Billy football.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Apparently he used to intern at her place of work. Okay. And he's working there for three months. And he would come in every day and be very himself, very not know what's going on, and have a good time. But then he worked there for a whole summer, maybe three or four months. And the last day, he went into the boss's office, the second to last day, and he goes, so what do we do here?
Starting point is 00:16:02 He had no clue what they did. Yeah, that's perfect, Bill. It was like a finance thing, the same relationship, I guess, what his father does or something. So it's like he should know everything, but he literally had genuinely had no clue what he was doing for the entire three months that he worked there. Yeah, that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Or what they did there. He probably doesn't know what we do at Barstool. Yeah. He's like, wait a minute. What do you guys do here? How does it work? How does it work? Yeah, that's what he was saying. That's great. Go to your boss's office you guys do here how does it work how does it work yeah that's a great go to your boss's office be like how does it work what work everything i had a job
Starting point is 00:16:32 for two years i didn't know what i was doing well graphic design yeah i was uh like semi it was like marketing i didn't know what i was doing at all i don't know what marketing yeah. I chilled. Still don't. Marketing? It's like, it's just like emailing. Yeah. Were you a good accountant, Mook? I was good for the first year, and then I fucked right off. Okay. Yeah, I got burnt out. What does that look like when you fuck right off?
Starting point is 00:16:57 Do you fuck up the numbers? You type in whatever numbers you want. You can fudge the numbers, but you stop working late. You stop doing the extra stuff. You start going to open mics and showing up to work hungover. You do the whole nine. You're speaking to a podcast called Anus.
Starting point is 00:17:16 All the usual stuff people do when they start fucking. Yeah, you tell your boss you got monkey pox. He thinks you're gay, so it's fine. He buys it. That kind of thing. Is monkey pox a gay thing? It went away quickly You guys get the worst of them
Starting point is 00:17:29 It's almost like God is mad Yeah it's true Do you have monkey pox? Have you ever had it? No I didn't go I wore it exclusively in turtlenecks that month Wait what? It was skin by skin contact It wasn't a gay thing but it just turned out that gays were
Starting point is 00:17:45 rubbing against each other. They all had it in the nightclubs with their tops off. That's how it was spreading. It was a disease spread by the act of dance. It was the gayest fucking thing. It is the gayest thing ever. Oh my god. It's quasi dancing with your shirt off.
Starting point is 00:18:02 They won up AIDS. And that's how Brandon got his first case of monkeypox Oh my god You're asking for it So God is fucking with us Literally Yeah We start our shows
Starting point is 00:18:13 With a prayer What's next When I do a tablescape I get fucking Fucking venereal disease They're singling us out Act of dance It's the gayest
Starting point is 00:18:24 Fucking disease you can get Monkeypox I'm trying to think of It was done by skin like anyone could have gotten it I don't remember I was afraid of it I guess anyone could use a dirty needle too so that was an AIDS joke oh my oh that's so perfect uh TJ Jake's ready to shower yeah he's waiting for our signal We didn't plan this Wait, is this happening? We were going to teach him how to shower on our show We wanted him to come to the shower and you soap him in the shower You can still do that Yeah, you guys can go soap him up
Starting point is 00:18:53 Show him how to do it Yeah, soap him down Wait, I have a question for your audience real quick before Jake showers So why is it all women? Why are gay guys not Gay guys are jealous of us Oh No, the thing is that we're successful.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Because you're that big. We're models. We make, you know, a lot of money. It's like, people... I think you underestimate. We definitely have gay fans. We do have gay fans. They don't show up to the shows, though. Every time we find them, the meet and greets, we count them out by name. We single them out. We say, one queen stands before us. And then as it
Starting point is 00:19:22 builds, we say, twelve queens stand before us. We've been getting more and more. More and more. I think I have more gay fans than you. You're more women heavy. Yeah. I don't read well with the gays. No.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Why is that? You don't test well with the gays? He does. You just reject them. No, because they just like Pat because they have this obsession with straight acting guys. And Pat is trying to act like- I'm a kink. Uh-oh. But why don't the gays like you
Starting point is 00:19:47 the gays love joey he's just are you too gay i think i'm too gay you still they're like even i don't know why i just i just vibe more with a girl you know you know i'm biologically a woman so yeah okay you still fuck them though right girls you figured your friend i figured my friend jen on the couch once. Oh. It was a Jennifer Convertibles and her name was Jen. It was like a fucking 22. Wait, what? The Jennifer Convertibles, that was the name of the couch.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Okay. And her name was Jennifer. Okay. Of course that was the name of the couch. We all should have known that. And I fingered her on the couch. You did two in the stink, one in the pink. No, I didn't go to the back door. Oh.
Starting point is 00:20:23 I had press-ons on. How did the pussy feel? I couldn't lose one. It was like playful, I didn't go to the back door. I had press-ons on. How did the pussy feel? I couldn't lose one. It was playful, right? I was trying to be serious, but I kept giggling, so she couldn't finish. She asked you to do it? It just happened. We make out all the time as a joke.
Starting point is 00:20:37 It was a funny joke. Now the joke is my fingers are inside. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm just watching. You're shaking up. I don't have consternation. Consternation? No, no, no. I'm just enjoying the boys here.
Starting point is 00:20:50 Have you guys ever had Brandon on your show? We've been on his wrestling show that's not around anymore. Right, correct. But no, you always said you were going to have me, but you never had me.
Starting point is 00:20:58 Why not? I'm asking you. Do this on me. She always writes to me. She's the one that books the talent. We'd love to have you on the show right after this. No, you wouldn't love to have me or you would have done it. We can have you on the show, Brandon. I mean, you. She looks right to me. She's the one that looks the talent. We'd love to have you on the show right after this. No, you wouldn't love to have me on the show.
Starting point is 00:21:06 Or you would have done it. We can have you on the show, Brandon. I mean, what would you want to talk about? That's the question. What does anybody talk about on your show? Well, Jennifer Convertibles. Jen on the couch. I'm out on that.
Starting point is 00:21:18 We talk about pussy. We talk about pussy? I can talk about pussy. Talk about locker rooms. Tits. Tits. You can talk about tits. You can talk about locker rooms tits tits you could talk about tits you're talking about mississippi sports well no that's not as exciting we talk about mostly sports we could talk about that yeah sure whenever you guys are ready i'll come over there we talk about that
Starting point is 00:21:36 cool flag you have hanging in your living room what's the one that's like red and there's the x it looks like a brit flag, but it's not. It's like a hybrid. Well, it's not in my living room. It's on my chest. Yeah. I keep it in my heart. This is giving me PTSD from gym class, though, honestly.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Why? I mean, because I failed gym every year of high school, and I had to take it in summer school, and I failed it there. Okay. Summer school gym? I had to take it in summer school, and I failed it there. Okay. Summer school gym? I went to summer school gym. You were so gay. They did not have gym in summer school.
Starting point is 00:22:11 They did. Did you just not try, or did you procrastinate? No, I didn't want to be there. They didn't even let you? Then I had a shady doctor say that I was in a car accident, and said I smashed my vertebrae, and I couldn't perform. So I got to take an extra two semesters of cosmetology class.
Starting point is 00:22:28 Oh my god. But you actually got your back blown out? No. I got fake x-rays to submit to the board. Oh, fake. Oh. That's smart. My family's in the mafia. You faked your vertebrae's getting broken? Well, I faked that I got injured. That's why I couldn't take gym class. You and Brandon
Starting point is 00:22:44 are the exact same age. This is so funny. Are you? Yeah. You would never know. Are you 44 years old? Yeah. January 3rd, 1979.
Starting point is 00:22:52 April 13th, 1979. As an older woman, I do have some advice. Now, ladies our age always. Yeah, so you guys can talk about a lot of things We really can Yeah Are your friends in the mafia? Yeah extended
Starting point is 00:23:08 Like none of my None of my like close I couldn't like call a hit on someone But it's like something like Had to be done You could do it Yeah Like what?
Starting point is 00:23:16 You know like get pills Or something falling off a truck That's just a drug dealer Like my father used to come home Yeah that's not the mafia No like you know There'd be like – Nick and KB are from West Virginia.
Starting point is 00:23:27 They could do that too. There would be furniture falling off trucks, handbags, cosmetics, furs, high-heeled shoes. We'd always get boxes of stuff. Things would fall off trucks. I don't think it's mostly murder. It's mostly money laundering, I think. Yeah. Good stuff.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Yeah. There might have been a couple murders. I have something for your anxiety about gym class. Oh, thank you. Yeah. There might have been a couple murders. I have something for your anxiety about gym class. Oh, thank you. You can watch Steven run. Oh, yeah. Steve? Yeah. And your anxiety will go away. Okay. What you wearing, Steve?
Starting point is 00:23:55 What are you wearing, Steve? I got a new Trusted Data merch that's just on sale today. Steve? I like Steve. A lot of people call me Steve. Like who? A lot of people. My first life?
Starting point is 00:24:09 Do you guys have a tambourine? You should get a trampoline here. Oh, good point. I would love a trampoline, and I would also love, my favorite thing in gym class that when I did excel at, when you had that big fucking parachute. Oh, yeah. We need that here.
Starting point is 00:24:23 A big parachute that you can all sit underneath. Yes. Can we get that? That was a fun thing. And then also those little skateboards you just go like this on. Oh, yeah. Where you bust up your knuckles on either side. So Che's just a bad runner?
Starting point is 00:24:35 No. I know the idea I had this morning I forgot. So remember when we were doing the office and Mince asked for a treadmill? Yeah. I think you should get him one but put it in the front lobby where people have to walk past him. Well, I am getting M for a treadmill. I think you should get him one, but put it in the front lobby where people have to walk past him. Well, I am getting Mince a treadmill. I wouldn't mind him just running on it all the time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:53 But, yeah, there will be a treadmill over there. Do you have pads in case someone wants to do like a round off or like gymnastics? What about the thing that goes like this? A wrestling mat. Where you just like flip around your waist? You'd probably be good at that. A hula hoop? No, no, no. Not at all. You pull yourself up on the thing that goes like this? A tumbling equipment where you flip around your waist? You'd probably be good at that. A hula hoop? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Not at all. Pull yourself up on the thing. A horse. A gymnastics thing. Or the strings that go like this. Rings. Yeah, we need gymnastics class. I would much rather have gymnastics shit than wrestling shit.
Starting point is 00:25:19 What? If we had rings hanging off the ceiling, that would be awesome. Are you built like a gymnast? Rock climbing wall. What about the thing with the pegs like this? Like a tall gym. Rings actually wouldn't be hard to. What are your thoughts on Chef Donnie's climbing wall in his apartment?
Starting point is 00:25:33 I didn't know he had one. Oh, okay. Does he have one? Yeah. I think that's not going to satiate his need for danger. He fucking climbs skyscrapers. What are your thoughts on Chef Donnie's bare torso? I mean...
Starting point is 00:25:48 He should walk around. One of the seven natural wonders. Yeah, there's a lot I can say. He should walk around naked. There's a movement happening where he'll just be in an apron here. He should be. That's all the successful chefs online. Yeah, called it. Why not? Sex sells. Wear an apron or just go shirtless completely. Have you seen the new chefs?
Starting point is 00:26:04 The new sexual chefs who like lick the meat? Oh, yeah. Slap it. No, I don't have time for that. That's like having a child in the kitchen cooking with you. Like, get the fuck out of the kitchen. I got things to do. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:15 Well, I don't want anyone fucking around. It's a TikTok. It's not someone actually. Like a TikTok trend where they get real overtly sexual. We're not putting the person. You're not a restaurant. Oh, no. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:27 I have too much trauma for my eating disorders to deal with them. That was like a concept restaurant. Yeah, he's like, I don't have time for that. I will fuck your food before you serve it. Random person in my kitchen trying to fuck a donut. Interesting, but yeah, I just thought I would. My culture's not a costume. Thank you. Two stars.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Oh, he's got a bat. All right, Steven, you ready? What did you call Che when he was walking out? I said, look at them dumplings. You can say anything. Yes, sir. There. Wow, he's really on the go.
Starting point is 00:26:55 All right, ready, Steven? Oh, he's going hard today. All right, three, two, one, go. Oh, no, he looks slow. He always looks slow at the beginning. It's real. It's real. It doesn't make sense. Go. Oh, no. He looks slow. He always looks slow at the beginning. It's real. It doesn't make sense. I think he's 127 today.
Starting point is 00:27:11 He looks like he's always running with a big dump in his pants. He looks like he's doing hobby horsing. 29. Look at him. He stomps. Oh, there's the wonton Don. Oh, shit. Donnie, welcome back. Where's Billy Football? He's still in Zimbabwe? Oh, there's the wanton Don. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, Donnie, welcome back. Welcome back.
Starting point is 00:27:27 Where's Billy Football? He's still in Zimbabwe? Uganda. Uganda. Uganda, sorry. So maybe this is the best he can do. That does not play well on camera. How old is he? No, it doesn't.
Starting point is 00:27:36 That's why we can make it good every day. Is he older than he looks? He looks better in person. Right. 36. So he is older than he looks. I thought he was in his late 20s. He looks good.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Yeah, he looks good. He's got a whole ass family. This is a great look for him. Hey, how old are you, Steven? You might be a t-shirt guy. 37. Damn. That was really good.
Starting point is 00:27:56 30.6. Cardiovascular health. Not great. We're smashing? Your quads hurt? You just touch your shoulder? Why does your quads hurt? He touch your shoulder why does your quads hurt he's been doing it every day
Starting point is 00:28:07 is the goal to try and get him to lose no it's just to really it's honestly it's the most pointless minute of the show but I love it
Starting point is 00:28:15 I love keeping track of what his times are seeing if he gets better people should start actually people should start gambling on it he was doing it on his own before we started the show
Starting point is 00:28:23 yeah is there a weight rack here there will be. Any weights? Do you still have the weights in your PMT studio? I think Brianna did not keep those. She didn't keep the bench? I don't think she did. Did you bring a new one here? We have
Starting point is 00:28:35 purchased. It will be here within the next week. How exciting. Everything's coming up roses here. Except the coffee machines. Wait, what are you talking about? How is she going to lead here? Listen, who's the driver filling out? I I think it's Paige that new girl in the front The white ebony The white ebony
Starting point is 00:28:50 That would be ivory Ivory I had to go to three coffee machines To find one that was filled with beans We gotta get more beans You're right If I only knew someone who owned a multimillion dollar coffee company. Are you multimillion dollar ready?
Starting point is 00:29:09 I think I know someone. We're a year in. God bless. I'm happy for you. Today. Those coffee machines we bought, I think are very expensive. I don't know why we bought three of them. There's one over there.
Starting point is 00:29:20 There's two of them right next to each other. Yeah. So stupid. They're very good, though. Yeah, they're cool machines. Yeah. Does Greer live here? No.
Starting point is 00:29:28 Why is he in the kitchen? Greer's here? Yeah. Get him in here. I think he's on a classic Greer Wednesday to Tuesday trip. Oh, okay. Some sort of protest. A what?
Starting point is 00:29:37 Greer likes flying midweek, so he'll stay for a weekend, but fly in on Wednesday and leave on Tuesday. Makes sense. I got to get more into that. The best days to fly. It is a little nerve-wracking just walking across while everyone's in here. It's like you've been watched. But it's nice because you get like Mincy when he goes back and forth five times
Starting point is 00:29:57 because he needs to be watched. We're definitely watching. He'll be by in a minute. We comment on every single person that walks by. Look at this metal animal. Look at this fucking. Oh, nice shirt, Greer. Wait, did you make that yourself?
Starting point is 00:30:09 We sell that? Greer's jacked all the time. Are you jacked now, Greer? Go where Steven is. You can get on a mic back there. Yeah. You go through here. Greer runs the Sam Sulek lifestyle.
Starting point is 00:30:21 Yeah, you said you were obsessed with that. I didn't know you were following it. Sam Sulek lifestyle. Yeah, great. You said you were obsessed with that. I didn't know you were following it. What? Sam Sulek. Oh, yeah. There you go. Are you hip with him? Who's that?
Starting point is 00:30:33 Sam Sulek. He's super jacked, right? 22-year-old. That guy's 22? He's insanely jacked. Oh, no. What does he do? Oh, he does his lift. He eats red meat.
Starting point is 00:30:41 He does vlogs of his entire lift and talks to the camera. Yeah, he was going viral for just struggling to breathe and people were like, is this guy dying? Sam Sulkick? Oh, what's up? 22. He's a natty god. Cut that hair.
Starting point is 00:30:59 He's a Miami, Ohio what? That's where he goes. He'll lift in their fitness. Rise up. How young do you have to start? He's got he goes. He'll lift in their fitness. Rise up. I just don't get how young do you have to start? That looks like Carrot Top. He's got ball sack biceps. He was like a high school diver. Yeah. That looks miserable.
Starting point is 00:31:14 Kyle wants to be that big. He's not that big. Big mistake. Is he on the gear? Yeah. Yeah, so that's the big controversy with him. So it's the liver king all over again. He's a lot different. He's more of a humble down there. So it's the liver king all over again. He's a lot different. He's more of a humble. Liver king's just blind in one eye now.
Starting point is 00:31:30 Have you seen him? His eyes are blind? Yeah, his pupil's real, real big in one eye right now. He is, a person's never looked worse. That makes sense, right? Sick. Yeah, he's taking so many surgeries. All right, Greer, wait wait so you're here for for what
Starting point is 00:31:45 i just visit tom every few months like i've been coming to chicago like three or four times a year since he moved out here so i was just due and now you you actually have a place you can work the whole time i guess yeah i worked out yeah yeah and even the farmer's insurance office i worked out of there a time or two nice so what do you think of the new office? I mean, it's something else. I was just checking out Donnie's kitchen. I couldn't believe it. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:32:12 It's crazy. And I'm looking forward to getting some shots up later, but not now, I guess. Probably annoying to have happening when you guys are yakking. Yeah, during the yak. And you do Wednesdays to Tuesday trips? Yeah. It's usually the simplest flight, so I'll stay out here for like a week and just sleep on an air mattress in Tom's living room.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Tom definitely hates that. Oh, 100%. Yeah, the Monday guest that didn't leave is the worst. Brutal. The worst. This is the shortest one I'm doing. It's Wednesday to Monday. Wednesday to Monday. Yeah. Got it. You should leave Sunday. This is the shortest one I'm doing. It's Wednesday to Monday. Wednesday to Monday.
Starting point is 00:32:47 You should leave Sunday. That is tough, a Monday departure. Sunday night you need to refresh. You need alone time. You need to get their scent out of their apartment. You have to clean up all their fucking Kit Kat wrappers. Tom has to do that every Monday morning.
Starting point is 00:33:03 Did you get that kid cancelled on Twitter? No, unsuccessful. That sucks. The kid that wore the eye black? Yeah, that was... Mine was way worse than that kid. Yeah, there was a kid who wore eye black and they tried to cancel it. Like the fifth grader? Yeah, he was like a football player.
Starting point is 00:33:20 And Greer was like, do your thing internet, let's ruin his life. Greer's a very funny follow on Twitter. He is. Yeah, Twitter, do your thing, ruin his life. That's so clearly Ivor. How could anyone think that was blackface? Banned from sports?
Starting point is 00:33:39 Banned from sports. Imagine being that age, you're just so confused. Wait, why? I don't get it. Banned from sports. Never even heard of blackface. I mean, the triangles going down are. Wait, why? I don't get banned from sports. Never even heard of that. I mean, the triangles going down are pretty common among football players, aren't they? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Will Compton has had some close calls, I guess, if you're counting that. Yeah. I'm sure Riggs is digging for him right now. Oh, yeah. Chris Long, too, right? Doesn't he? Yeah, he has some. He used to.
Starting point is 00:34:01 He's a big guy, Black. Aiden Hutchinson does. Yeah. Yeah. He does, like like the streaks That's one of those ones though That you can't do Because if you lose
Starting point is 00:34:10 You look like such an asshole Yeah Did you like Hunter Dickinson Doing a dance When he hit a three Down like ten at halftime He's trying too hard To be a villain
Starting point is 00:34:19 Yeah He's good though He's very good at basketball Yeah Very good Is he the best? No No He's a, though. He's very good at basketball. Yeah. Very good. Is he the best? No. No.
Starting point is 00:34:27 He's a transfer from Michigan to Kansas. He's now in, like, year five. Yeah. Who's, like, the best? Zach Eadie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Not Bronny James. What, Kyle? Purdue. Yeah. Exactly. I had to tell. I had to break that to Jerry last night
Starting point is 00:34:46 LeBron he's not the best player he thought LeBron James was LeBron James too like he put a future on USC to win the national championship
Starting point is 00:34:55 and he was like they got Bronny he's the best and I was like he's not even a starter he's not even the best freshman in their book yeah
Starting point is 00:35:02 oh shit it was hard to break that to him. To him. Somebody had to. Yeah. He also put a future on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl. Who's better? How long ago?
Starting point is 00:35:11 You or Brandon? Yesterday. And what? Basketball. Him right now. I saw that cute little concert you had with all your outfits on. You had little matching tops. And you were running around playing sports.
Starting point is 00:35:25 Yeah, what concert was that, boy? He's talking about jerseys. He's talking about Yaks basketball. What? Who won it that year? Yeah, yeah. Concerts with our tops.
Starting point is 00:35:32 You thought he was the best one for that play? I was the best that night, yep. Yeah. Which, didn't we give the trophy last year to Nick because he lost? Why did you get the trophy
Starting point is 00:35:39 for winning? No idea. Yeah, that made no sense. No idea. Did someone give you the trophy or did you just go take it? He just went and took it. No, he took it. So the trophy was supposed did you just go take it? He just went and took it. No, TJ took it.
Starting point is 00:35:45 So the trophy was supposed to be to the two people that got the first two baskets in, which I told Brandon, but then he just ran away with the trophy. He just took it. That's true. You didn't tell me that. The person that scored the second bucket. You did not tell me that. Well, actually, okay, so I told everybody that,
Starting point is 00:36:00 but Brandon was nowhere to be found until five seconds before we walked into the court. That's right. That is correct. I was resting. Resting from? Running up walked into the court. That's right. That is correct. I was resting. Resting from? Running up and down the court once. Like two hours before that happened? It's fine.
Starting point is 00:36:13 Just relax. Thank God. Nick gave me a housewarming gift last night, a guest gift. For his own house? Yeah. 9XT. 9XL t-shirt. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:36:27 That rules. Do you want it on? Anyone want to take it for a spin? It's pretty big. It has a pocket on it. Yeah. Big old pocket. How many of you guys can get into that shirt?
Starting point is 00:36:33 Oh, cram the T. Yeah. Yeah, let's get in it. Wait, is NoSec ready to get cleaned? All right, fine. Yeah, we'll let him stay for a little bit. Why don't you do the high noon ad while we cram the T? Gladly.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Yeah. Who's going to go next? Let's get KB in there. Guys, it's time to load up on the ice and break out the oversized lawn games because the high noon game day pack is back. It includes limited edition fan faves, pear and cranberry, along with black cherry and grapefruit. It's made with real vodka,
Starting point is 00:36:58 real juice, 100 calories, gluten free, and no added sugar. The high noon game day pack is full of exclusives, which means it's here for a good time, not a long time. Visit highnoonspirits.com before your next tailgate to find a pack. Get in there. I gotta go
Starting point is 00:37:13 get in this shirt. Get in the seat. Maybe you gotta get your other arm in. Are you all lining up? Yeah, you gotta get both your arms out. Titus got in comfy. I don't think you can get in there. All right, now go try to play basketball.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Yeah, try to make a basket now. Run out and try to make a basket. Oh, it's breaking. Oh, no. Are we trying to walk or not? Yeah, try to walk. Yeah, make a basket for everyone. He's going. Oh, no. Yeah, try to walk. Make a basket for everyone. Gabe is going to get strangled. Gabe is strangling himself.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Watch the cords. Oh, y'all need a ball. Go push them. Push them. Push them. When they get out there, push them. Get them. This is ridiculous
Starting point is 00:38:05 They crammed the T I've never seen this Oh my god This is so great Oh my god IKB might be dead This is Pat's dream Oh, my God. Oh, look at the camera. I think KB might be dead. This is Pat's dream. Well, he's going to suffocate.
Starting point is 00:38:29 Someone put the top down in the back. Oh, my God. Oh, no, it's ripping. Oh, it's ripping. Oh, no. It's ripped. I think it was choking Nick out at one point. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Well, there goes that. That hurt my neck so bad. Yeah, KB was about to die. You crammed the tea. Crammed the tea. I love cramming. We got to buy another night. I want to.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Wait, we got to go bigger. Yeah. Did you ever wear that with your long jeans? That would be a Luke. I never wore that with my long jeans. I got custom-made jeans that could be all cuff, so you could cuff them all the way up to the waist. Oh, Jesus.
Starting point is 00:39:12 What did you do today? That hurt so bad. Oh, I crammed myself into a T with three other dudes. Dude, I was just choking. Viciously. I was like, KB might die. Crammed the T. Oh, no, this is going to be bad for Brandon.
Starting point is 00:39:25 Go in. It's clean. Pat's good. He proved his shirt right. Got dunked on by a deer. Why is that mousetrap here? Brandon sat on it. We had a phase. It's still ongoing. I thought it was an
Starting point is 00:39:39 infestation. We shouldn't be doing it still. I just got hiccups in that shirt. Brandon, you out of breath? I don't know why. I don't know why. You okay, Brandon? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:51 It's just us breathing heavily into the mic. God. Did you dunk? No, I can't. Not on these. These are too high. I got a lot of hate. Aren't those things higher than normal?
Starting point is 00:40:02 Yes. That's why everyone's making fun of me because I couldn't make the basket yesterday. Well, you weren't getting close, Joey. I know, but it's very high up. How do you lower them? Do you have to reinstall the whole thing, or they can just lower them a little? I've asked Pete. He's like, we've got someone going to work on it.
Starting point is 00:40:16 It means nothing. So is that NBA size? It's the thing you can spin, and it's the drill, and it lowers the thing. It's literally taller than any basketball hoop in the world. Thank you, everyone. I knew what I was doing. It's the tallest basketball hoop in the world. No one's ever put a hoop higher than 10 feet
Starting point is 00:40:32 until All Business Pete came around. He was like, I got an idea. Let's make him 10-2. That's why I couldn't make it. And every time I say that it's 10-2, he gets very defiant. He's like, no, it's 10-1 in one quarter. But that's still bad. But it's taller than that.
Starting point is 00:40:49 It still makes a big difference. If every single person that puts up shots is like, this is too high. It's obviously a real. Joey's not a hooper. Different. Ball is life, though, for you. We had the Loyola basketball team come in. Those guys.
Starting point is 00:41:02 They're like, no, too high. This is way too high. Yeah. Told you. Sweet. We have Malasek. My neck hurts so bad. I'm trying to breathe. I need physical therapy. I think something collapsed. He was actually going to choke to death.
Starting point is 00:41:16 I'm going to go see a physical therapist. He's going to be like, how did you do this? And I'm going to say I was cramming the tea. Cramming the tea. Cramming the tea. Fuck. I guess we should watch Mal's show. So is Mal's not going to use soap? He used soap for the first time in like seven years.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Fuck. I know. I said that. Why don't you guys go teach him? You don't take this one? Is he in there topless? Probably. Well, let's check the camera.
Starting point is 00:41:41 Has any supporters of that lifestyle came out? No. I don't use deodorant. That's why. I've heard about that. Has any supporters of that lifestyle came out? No. I don't use deodorant. I've heard about that. I'm afraid it gives me cancer. Oh, my God. I will every once in a while.
Starting point is 00:41:57 I won't use it for like a week or two, and then I'll throw a little on it. But how many things do you think you use mindlessly, and they'll also give you deodorant? There's so many things. Literally every street drug from a stranger stranger that's not going to hurt you yes it just seems so obvious you're just putting chemicals in your pits the what
Starting point is 00:42:09 yeah but the pits are the safest place to put chemicals I think I also kind of agree with Jake if you don't have body odor just get one with aluminum in it
Starting point is 00:42:17 and it's fine is that what you do yeah you dumbass instead of antiperspirant get deodorant antiperspirant's the thing that kills you. I would pay the price.
Starting point is 00:42:27 I don't want to stink. Yeah, I'd rather, like, if you told me 10 years off my life, but I smell good. You would take that. Yeah. What are you going to be doing with those 10 years extra? Probably smelling even worse. Oh, like shit.
Starting point is 00:42:38 Podcasting. Yeah? At 70. At 70? Out and about at 70? Man, imagine Barstool Sports 40 years from now. Oh. Tommy.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Who's in charge? Tommy? Tommy Walker for sure. I thought you meant Tommy Smokes. Tommy's kid. No. We met Nicky Smokes. He's quite something.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Starship. Why is everyone playing this person up? Nicky Smokes had a mysterious illness. And then you guys said you met him. Wait, you guys were starstruck or he was? I was. I don't know who it is. I was starstruck.
Starting point is 00:43:17 Why is everyone hyping this guy up? Is that great? He's a legend. He's a certified ledge. I have no idea who he was until now. If you guys ever think about being straight again, he will get you some bitches. Within two seconds of meeting him, he's talking about how he slept with someone. Really? Of course.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Of course. He's the biggest straight guy. You guys should get a bitch acquire competition. Well, he should come to my show. Oh, he should go to the show tonight. I have 300 drunk bitches, the hottest bitches in Chicago. Oh, I'm sure he has tickets. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:44 He's already got a thing. Our girls are hot. They show up hair done, tits out, ready to party. And we call them out if they don't. Yeah. Oh. Oh, come on. Yeah, buddy.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Jake. Hey, Jake. Where you headed? Jake looks good. Those are the shorts you're wearing. At least we're with tighty-whities with nothing under them. All right, Jake. This is the first time ever with soap.
Starting point is 00:44:05 Six years. Is it wood grooming? Is is the first time ever with soap. Six years. Is it wood grooming? Is that real? Six years without soap. Yeah. And he made us feel bad about this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:12 He's ashamed right now. He's in the inverse situation. He must have such a smelly dick. That's what we said. It doesn't smell. He said, non-coincidentally,
Starting point is 00:44:20 he's like, I'm over blowjobs. I don't get them anymore. Oh, so. Because your balls smell like Cheetos. I guess they dojobs I don't get them anymore your balls smell like Cheetos I guess they do said he doesn't know what to do when he's getting a blowjob
Starting point is 00:44:30 what do you mean what do you mean you go all the way down it's awkward he was actually like he made us he turned the tables on us yesterday where we actually felt bad that we were His punishment was using soap
Starting point is 00:44:47 Like it was like we were hazing him or something So his hygiene just stopped In middle school He said that sometime in like high school He ran out and never He ran out and never replaced it 10 years ago And he said that he once had a girl ask where everything was
Starting point is 00:45:04 So he then went and bought soap. Oh, wait, hold on. And then emptied it out so he had just empty soap. Rub him down. Okay. Oh. You can get in there, Joey. Joey, go in there. You can. This is a little weird. It's so creepy. This is weird.
Starting point is 00:45:21 The lighting. Really creepy. Wait, did you know the camera's on him? I don't know. He might not. It's like an initial soap is being poured on him kind of shot. Oh, that water doesn't get hot, I don't think. It's like a cold
Starting point is 00:45:37 plunge. I'm surprised you guys don't have one of those here. A cold plunge. Yeah, there it is. Shower cam is creepy. Yes! I heard Big T I'm one of those here cold plunge Yeah, there it is Shower cam is creepy. Yes. I heard big T showered in there in the morning. Yeah Did he not know no, it's the funniest person it could have ever happened to He was so pissed
Starting point is 00:46:02 And rightfully so yeah If he doesn't full send the soap and get suds the fuck up He's using a loofah Anybody probably doesn't want to touch his own dick. It's so fucking rank He's got a how do we get hot water Yeah, this is weird they're watching guys, oh, it's really weird. I'm feeling very uncomfortable right now. It's somewhat fitting for today's show. Yeah, but I'm just...
Starting point is 00:46:29 He's not even soaking. Oh, it's warming up. He's still wet, though. Here it goes. Oh, my God. I hope he gets a rash. I know, but his skin starts peeling off. He's learning how to use soap right now.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Put it on the thing? He puts it in a cup and drinks it. I put this thing on the thing. This is fascinating. Yeah. Where's my earmuffs? I don't think, I've never used a loofah. That's a lot of soap.
Starting point is 00:46:58 I'm a loofah guy. Oh, really? You're a loofah guy. I think it's the best. I love loofah. It gives the most suds. I just washcloth it. Look at him go.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Oh, the water's going to take it right off. Peeling off. Yeah. And he's actually, like, black underneath. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be wild.
Starting point is 00:47:16 I would love that. Jake's been in white face for two years. He's doing it. Well, at least get the good areas. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, we don't need him. Now he's going doing it. Well, at least get the good areas. Oh. Oh. Yeah, we don't need him here. Now he's going over.
Starting point is 00:47:29 He went. I tried to buy that. He went dick to early. I tried to buy that loop off him. Yeah, he went. He went dick so early. Joey goes in there. How's 100, son?
Starting point is 00:47:37 He dick too early. Dan, you talk about this a lot, the people that are tuning into their first Yak. Yeah. You must be thinking, this is one of those moments. Yeah. Someone out there is just like, I've heard about the Yak. I should check it out. They just put it on.
Starting point is 00:47:49 Yeah. We're watching a guy shower. I feel very uncomfortable, but I also. A very normal shower. He's just soaping his body. I'm surprisingly okay with it. I would have just taken his word for it. I don't see any of that when he said so.
Starting point is 00:48:02 Do you see the soaps actually soaping up? I mean, he's loving it. Thank you Please are we lawyers? Yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah definition of Look at him. I don't think he knows there's a mic in there. I Talk on it. Oh It's Connor has he gotten his little has he gotten his butthole? No, not yet. He hasn't cleaned his butthole yet? I think he just did.
Starting point is 00:48:27 We'll have to replay the tape. It's actual live commentary of a worker's shower. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I think he just did get the hole. Yeah. How long did he stay on that butthole there? TJ, can you ask Connor? Soap that hoop down for me, kiddo.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Can you ask Connor to give Jake if Jake got his butthole? Oh, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Jake, buddy. All right. Maybe. There's just fucking caked on shit that comes out. Ew.
Starting point is 00:48:57 TJ, can you ask Connor to relay to Jake if he got his butthole to give us a thumbs up? Oh, see, I just feel all like... I feel laughing. Was he carrying a towel when he went in there? No, don't think. It was around his neck. He's gonna roll on the carpet like a golden retriever. Woah, woah, woah.
Starting point is 00:49:20 He's playing with his dick. Oh. Oh no. He didn't get his butthole. Oh, no. Ew. All right. I'm going on record. I don't like this.
Starting point is 00:49:32 I don't like this at all. Very, very weird. I'm over it. I don't know what we thought. The whole premise was weird. This would be a good Twitch stream. He'd make so much money. Malasek is 0 for 2 on experiments.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Yeah. All right. We'll be done. We'll have him come down and give us a recap How he feels with soap Does anyone have a cigarette? Was it that euphoric for you? Yeah Yeah that was uncomfortable
Starting point is 00:49:58 It was a weird thing We just need to like move on And just be like That was a weird thing that we did. Let's never talk about it again. Pretend it never happened. Yeah, that never happened. Sometimes you miss.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Yeah, we tried. Yeah. I don't know what we were expecting. Yeah, right. It was pretty clear he was just going to shower. Yeah, he was just showering. It wasn't a surprise. There wasn't a wrinkle that was like,
Starting point is 00:50:19 what's going to happen? We planned this so well, and then he showered. What could possibly happen in this scenario? This is experimental. Holy shitty, use soap. And we watch him. We have to shun him. Yeah, we can't talk to him anymore.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Yeah, can't fuck with him. Let's all unfollow him. Imagine if he... What'd I do? Oh, Malzak He is down for anything That's a fact True that
Starting point is 00:50:49 Are you guys gonna get fucked up before your show? No, I just take my weed and then I relax Okay What about you, Pat? Nope, sobs I'll have a drink during the show, but What are you guys going back? I wanna be able to talk
Starting point is 00:51:01 I'm going back tomorrow morning I go back Friday What are you doing Thursday? I don't have any plans I'm gonna be able to talk I'm going back tomorrow morning I go back Friday What are you doing Thursday? I don't have any plans I'm going to go out to dinner I want to go sightseeing I'm going to climb the Sears Tower I'm not doing that
Starting point is 00:51:14 What should I do? You want to come to the house? Your house? Can we fish? Is it too cold for that? No, we'll get in the boat Is it like one of these ones? You get in the boat There me and you. Is it like one of these ones? You get in the boat.
Starting point is 00:51:25 The robo? There's cinder blocks, a rope. It's an old Scott Peterson round two. There's not a rope in there currently, but yeah, you can come out there. How far is it from here? A long way. Everyone lives far away. No, just Brandon.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Just me. Just Brandon. 60 miles. Well, I said 60 miles too. Yeah, I live an hour out, hour and a half out. Oh, wow. He lives in Wisconsin. That's wild.
Starting point is 00:51:50 What are the neighboring states that we're in here? Wisconsin. Indiana's 20 minutes from here, 25 minutes. Oh. Indiana. Michigan's about like an hour around Lake Michigan. Oh, yeah. We can be in Iowa in three and a half hours.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Iowa's due west. There's a Compton outside of Chicago. Yeah? My little town. It all sounds very Mormon. Midwest, I don't think sounds... That's not Mormon. Midwest isn't Mormon?
Starting point is 00:52:17 Are you guys big in the Mormon community? We could be. I guess we could be, sure. That's where there was long underwear? There's white in the Mormon porn. What do you think Mormons are? Mormons are great It's young boys that go around with a book and they wear suits
Starting point is 00:52:34 Don't Mormons go door to door? I guess Mormons do do missions Mormons are not door to door though Mormons are very attractive Jehovah's Witnesses are Mormons Are they? I thought they were different I think they're very different Very slightly different the door, though. Mormons are very attractive. Jehovah's Witnesses are Mormons. Are they? Yeah. I think they're very different.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Very slightly different. It's like Catholics. So all Jehovah's Witnesses are Mormons, but not all Mormons are Jehovah's Witnesses? Correct. I think it's like you're one level deeper. I think Jehovah's Witnesses are a type of Mormon. So you unlock Jehovah's Witnesses? Yes. Jehovah's Witnesses don't do birthdays.
Starting point is 00:53:04 Or Halloween. Oh. My son declared yesterday that he thinks maybe we'll do Halloween next month again. That's not a bad idea. I was like, all right. How about we do it again? Run it back. She's a custom queen.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Yeah, she is. Up in Yags. Up in Yags once a month. All right. Well, that first sentence is not a similarity at all. What is it? Both Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses
Starting point is 00:53:30 belong to religious groups founded in America in the 19th century. I'm sure there were a lot of them. Both consider themselves Christian and use the form of the Bible. Neither group believes in the Trinity
Starting point is 00:53:38 in the same way that major Christians do. Oh, he's back. Oh, wow. Sit in my lap. We feel bad. We're kind of over it. It was awkward.
Starting point is 00:53:46 Yeah. It was really weird. It was so weird. Go put on your clothes. Come back. Jake, to be clear, it wasn't the soap that made it weird. I feel like he was like... It was weird, right?
Starting point is 00:53:54 I was putting soap on my body. What do you mean? It was weird. No, it wasn't that you were cleaning your body. That's so true. Try to tell you guys. It'd be weird if I... Let me go do it without soap
Starting point is 00:54:07 and you'll see how not weird it is. The angle in that bathroom is creepy. You're very close to seeing dick. Close to seeing dick. And you're not supposed to be there. That's like from Saw. Yes.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I understand we told him we needed a shower, but we never had a camera in the shower. I think we got to we never had a camera in the shower. Yeah, I think we got to get rid of the camera in the shower. No, we do have to get rid of it. What about wet wheel? Don't you want to see that?
Starting point is 00:54:30 We never saw it before. Yeah, this is too much. We just needed a dedicated shower that Glenny Balls can't shit in. Stephanie, we got to get rid of this. Listen, we're trying. Uninstall the camera in the shower. Yeah, let's put that in the kitchen near Donnie. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Let's get an upskirt of Donnie. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, I don't... We got to get rid of that. TJ, are Jehovah's Witnesses not Mormon? Is that what it said? I'm getting more confused now reading this.
Starting point is 00:55:00 No, I think they're just... They're similar, but they're not the same. They're similar, but different? They go... They get assigned to American cities, I think they're just they're similar but they're not the same they go they get assigned to American cities I think to go door to door Mormons will go international on missions
Starting point is 00:55:12 Mormons will leave for like a year or two right they have to do it for a full year they'll come back and be like 23 year old freshman I want to go on Rumspringa do it you just made the call I made the hit Freshman I want to go on Rumspringa Do it I've Just made the call
Starting point is 00:55:28 I made the hit We're getting the camera out of there Okay Feels good Yeah Feels good That's a Rest in peace
Starting point is 00:55:36 No That's saw That's saw Never forget It's very weird Even showing it It looks like when someone's in solitary confinement and they beat them with that hose.
Starting point is 00:55:46 They spray them with the fire hose, like at high pressure. It does look like that. Like in prison movies. Yeah. And they make them sleep in that cell. That's a camera angle you would see on the dark web. Yep.
Starting point is 00:55:59 Yeah. Yeah. Live leak. Yes. Live leak. Maybe you install a fire hose and you can just hose people down What about a urinal cam
Starting point is 00:56:07 Yeah Like a peekaboo urinal cam And why is there not a trough here Wrigley Field has a trough Why doesn't this office have a trough For bird watching For bird watching Yeah checking out watches
Starting point is 00:56:23 Do you know something I learned about Chicago today? My driver picked me up and brought me back to my hotel, and I was in the city, and I was like, oh my God, that's the same artist I saw on the side of a building. And apparently this artist is the hottest in Chicago. And my driver's like, they spared no expense to that office. The fact that they got him. Who is this artist?
Starting point is 00:56:42 He's a Puerto Rican artist. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah, I see his work. It's iconic. So this is pretty much like gonna be worth tons and tons of money one day if it's not already but i saw there's he's um i would say he's the banksy of chicago yeah except everyone knows who he is right who's what's the guy's name banksy no one knows who he is wait really yeah well he No one knows his identity. Yeah. Identity. Is he still kept that? Yeah. People have guesses, right?
Starting point is 00:57:08 People have guesses, but they don't know who he is. Yeah. Look at that shirt. That's a great shirt. I love it. How do you feel? Come sit on Daddy's lap. Dry, he said.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Well, you are dry now. You did dry off with the towel. He seems so sad. I mean. Just so you know, we're sadder because we watched it. Yeah, I mean, that's got to be weird for you guys. Oh, it's so weird. I just texted Pete saying we've got to get that camera out. You know, Mal is like 17.
Starting point is 00:57:35 It smells really good. Yeah, but does it smell? We smelled him yesterday. I'd be curious if you guys had a better smell today. You smelled like nothing. All right, come on back. Come on back. Get the sniff test.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Give him head again. Oh, my God. Smells better. Smells better. I didn't get that. I legally care. He smelled good yesterday. He smelled like nothing.
Starting point is 00:58:04 He smells better. Pat, are you going to do it? I'm afraid. He smelled like yesterday He smelled like nothing Pat are you going to do it? He smelled like his clothes yesterday Today his skin smells good Pat Trish You smell very good Well I don't have a frame of reference but I'll take a whiff
Starting point is 00:58:17 You just smell like soap I can't my boyfriend's's watching, but thank you. Did this change anything for you? Joey? Meet me in the back. You're pissed off right now. You're pissed. Yeah, I mean, my co-worker's forcing me to shower on camera.
Starting point is 00:58:43 You just took away one of his personalities. I mean, he just showered on camera. I think we could let him out of the deal. Yeah. Oh, why do you keep your, do you not like how you feel? You feel dry? Do you need my moisturizer? I say we let him out of the soap deal.
Starting point is 00:58:55 No, I mean, I lost. I don't care. I'm over it. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm mad. Don't do it. This is absurd. The whole thing has been absurd.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Do whatever you want. Yeah, you're good. You're good. You're good. You're good. He did it once. Yeah. Fuck out of here, dude. Do whatever you want. Yeah, you're good. You're good. He did it once. Fuck out of here, dude. He's so happy. How was work today, honey? It was okay.
Starting point is 00:59:12 I had to shower in front of my coworkers. Malicek is just ride or die. He's the best. He'll do anything for the boys. Shower for us. Shower for us. Hey, Jerry. He's orange as fuck Orange
Starting point is 00:59:27 He looks like a basketball Yeah he just got off The job site Looks like What is he doing Picking up a ball Oh Yeah nice
Starting point is 00:59:35 Hell yeah Alright Hell yeah Bad Travel Yeah he's got travel Is that his own shirt Oh look at that
Starting point is 00:59:42 Two boys Oh Two boys. Oh. Two boys. Hey, Stu. No, no, no, Brennan. No, no, no. Well, you want to get up for a second? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:57 All right. Hi, Stu. I've smoked five blunts with Stu today. Oh, fuck. That's right. Yep. You smoked Reggie last night? He did. I don't want to talk about it. Stu, come in here for a sec. That was right. Yep. You smoked Reggie last night. He did.
Starting point is 01:00:06 I don't want to talk about that. Come in for a sec. That was Barstool Kush that did that. Come here for a sec. Look at that luggage. You look great, Stu.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Hello. Let me tell you something. You got to talk in the mic. So I'm staying at that Chicago hotel and I never knew it.
Starting point is 01:00:23 So, you know, I'm clean now. I'm like with. So what is this day 15 of clean sober abstinence? And it's always day, like, nine. I feel that. Have you ever gotten double digits? First of all, I love everyone. Let me just say, I love everyone.
Starting point is 01:00:38 That's the most, you know how hard it is to do that. I mean, to get one hour is hard. I know, I know. I'm not belittling, but it does feel like we've been at day 15 a long time. Exactly. You know what it is? The minute I get to the edge where I look good, I say I'm worth it, and I have a slice of pizza, and I'm back to 10,000 calories.
Starting point is 01:00:56 What's the day that you start telling people that you're at this many days? Would you tell someone you're at day three? No. What's the day? Eight. Eight. Okay, yeah. Seven days. Would you tell someone you're at day three? No. What's the day? Eight. Eight. Okay. Yeah. Seven days. Seven days you no longer have a hangover. Right. You know, you feel clean. So anyway, so I'm at the Hotel Chicago and I walk to the water. Oh my God, is that
Starting point is 01:01:19 breathtaking? I guess that's Lake Michigan. Yeah. And they have, Lake Michigan, they have like, maybe it's a 20 mile walk. Yeah, Lake Shore. That's unbelievable. Yeah. I stepped it up. I did like four miles. Oh, you ran?
Starting point is 01:01:31 No. Oh. No, like a 17 minute walk. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, beautiful. Did Sandy go with you? No, she has some personal problems, so she wasn't able to come today. Oh, Ashler Stew.
Starting point is 01:01:43 Yeah, but I was very clean. I hid in my hotel room. Right. I didn't want to come today. Ashler stew. Yeah, but I was very clean. I hid in my hotel room. I didn't want to get in trouble. I didn't want to smoke pot. I was going to call Nick. Well, I mean, every time I look at you, I just think of rolling blunts.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Thank you. Thank you. Finally. No fucking gut level sharing about life. Yes. You're the intellect at this company. No. Well, I make you and KB like the two smartest. No. Well, I you know, I make you and KB like the two smartest people here.
Starting point is 01:02:07 Thank you very much. Besides tank. Besides tank. That's how I always look at it. And I think we could solve the world's problem. I guarantee it. Five months. There's three hundred and forty million people in this country. Right. Give or take legally. We have to. What? I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Oh, legally. All right. We? I'm sorry. Oh, legally? All right. Be honest with you. We kill everyone that's over 65. Yeah? No, you're dead. How old are you, Stu? 62.
Starting point is 01:02:34 You've got three years left. Well, my birthday is January 31st, so I've got two years and a couple of months. I'm good. What am I going to do in the future besides not be able to eat, pee in my pants, and not be able to fuck? You know, like in reality after 65. You could do that after 65.
Starting point is 01:02:50 What? What about 75? No. That's too many people. Because immediately everything becomes like cheap. Yeah. We're not overpopulated. Opposite. Developed countries, the birth rate's
Starting point is 01:03:06 super low and we're trending downward. Well, now that China, you know, the head of China is telling the women to stay home and have children. China. No, no, you had it. China. China. Brooklyn. I got 390 on my SAT, so you can't come at me.
Starting point is 01:03:22 No. In English. I think it should be like Soylent Green. We just kill all the people and we make them into food. Would you eat a person? Would I eat what? Would you eat a person? Absolutely. Yeah?
Starting point is 01:03:35 Why not? If it tastes good, I'll eat anything if it tastes good. I eat ass in a whole house, so I mean, who are you looking at? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I'm not really. So we're going to kill everyone over 65? Everyone.
Starting point is 01:03:46 Everyone in the world. The boomers do have fucked it up for us. How many people in the world are over 65 right now, TJ? Probably a whole lot. I'd say a lot. So, how many people in the world right now? Three billion? Four?
Starting point is 01:03:58 Four billion. I think it's like six. In the world, it's like six. Oh, seven billion. Seven billion. My goodness. That brings it down to like four billion. Two billion people. Yeah, 7 billion. 7 billion. My goodness. That brings it down to like 4 billion. Are there a billion people?
Starting point is 01:04:07 Yeah, 2 billion people over 65? That might be 1 billion. I would say no. Is there anyone surprising that's over 65, though, that we don't want to? Right. Like it's in their prime still? Can we give exceptions? I think Jane Fonda looks fucking amazing.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I'd bang on it. We could just kill her. Smash her past Jane Fonda. No, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I don't know. Really, just kill her. Smash her past Jane Fonda. No, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I don't know. Really, after 65, you're a detriment to everyone.
Starting point is 01:04:29 That's a billion, yeah. You're really a detriment to everyone. That's it. You should peak at third. I agree. I think it's like 75. I don't think it's 65. Yeah, like how old's Tom Cruise?
Starting point is 01:04:39 He's probably not 65, but he's starting to look a little weird, though. J-Lo's 65. No. God, listen. I'll. J-Lo's 65. No. Listen. I'll change it if she's 65. Yeah, see, Tom Cruise is more than four years. He's like a –
Starting point is 01:04:51 He's got four years left. He's putting out bangers still. Listen, you and Tom Cruise – That last mission impossible. You and Tom Cruise are the same age. It sucked. It's wild. Stu, you and Tom Cruise are the same age.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Top Gun was awesome. I'm 62. Yeah, I know. We're basically – 61. Yeah, right. Exactly. Oh, was awesome. I'm 62. Yeah, I know. We're basically 61. Yeah, right. Exactly. Oh, Denzel.
Starting point is 01:05:09 Oh, come on. You can't lose Denzel. Dennis Quaid. Listen. Alec Baldwin. Eagle. Oprah. Oprah, we can't lose her.
Starting point is 01:05:16 Kevin Costner. Oh, this is a good list. Seinfeld? Oh, Mr. Bean. You'd kill and eat Mr. Bean. Octavia Spencer. It tastes good. How did Octavia get on unless she's 53
Starting point is 01:05:25 She's not getting there What? She's big She ain't shitting in my fucking pumpkin pie I think we could lose all four of those And be fine Yeah I like Sharon Stone
Starting point is 01:05:42 I'm telling you right now You could easily live in those beautiful apartments. We can't lose another Price is Right. And run every day along Lake Michigan. It's gorgeous. Madonna can go. Michael Jackson is not 65. Alan Jackson, no.
Starting point is 01:05:54 Alan Jackson can't get rid of. I could get rid of Alan Jackson. What? Honestly, if we take George straight, I'm good with killing Alan Jackson. You can't get rid of Alan Jackson. You don't mean that. You like Garth Brooks. We listened to Alan Jackson.
Starting point is 01:06:05 Didn't you know Alan Jackson? I did. I like Garth Brooks better than Alan Jackson. I did. I like Garth Brooks better. Well, Dan Marino. I do, too. But I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. You know what? I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
Starting point is 01:06:11 I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson.
Starting point is 01:06:12 I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm going to try to kill Alan Jackson. I'm with you. I think we'll solve a lot. Absolutely. Who are we killing?
Starting point is 01:06:17 Everybody over 65. Oh, bye, Mom. Everyone. Rip Dad. Bobby Flay. 62. Joe Montana, 67. Joe Montana said that Dan Marino is the best quarterback that ever lived.
Starting point is 01:06:28 I think if my mom does die, it would be easier to turn Tommy back into a Mississippi State fan, so I'm kind of good with it. Fair enough. In any negative, this is possible. What did your dad root for? What team did your dad root for? Drugs. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Yeah, what is the big push with your pop? I've seen a lot of content about your pop and drugs lately. Lots and lots of drugs. You're pushing that. I'm not pushing that. Well, I mean, yes, you are. You know who's pushing it. No, no, no, you are.
Starting point is 01:06:49 His friend Tommy that lived across the street. He was constantly pushing drugs on my dad. The last two weeks, I've seen more drug content about your father than I've seen since I've been with this company. I think he's expressing trauma. What? No, they used his gun to shoot. Provided the weapon. It's my fault, Stu. I brought it out of him oh okay this is how you're here you've got your dad alabama
Starting point is 01:07:10 basketball the guy are you my dad alabama basketball or no i'm not like recovering i don't know how do you how do you answer sober what do you mean i mean are you you know have you like a drink from drugs no no no but like no i never had a problem though what did so you fall no i just like i it's like no what father... You're in the stew cooker right now. He doesn't understand. What addictions do you have? When I meet people, I just ask about their father's addictions. Why?
Starting point is 01:07:34 Joking. But your father is clean? Yeah, my father's actually very... He's never had a drop of alcohol in his life. Oh my goodness. He had a lot of family members that were alcoholics. I always respect a lot of people like that. Dad's a good-looking older guy, too.
Starting point is 01:07:50 His uncle, I think his uncle killed himself drinking so much, like the Keith Willard shit. See? It's good. It's healthy. He only knows. My dad was like, I'm probably not going to touch that. When did that pass?
Starting point is 01:08:03 Last year. It was a whole big thing. Yeah. Oh, last year? Mm-hmm. Sorry for your loss. No, it's okay. that. When did that pass? Last year. It was a whole big thing. Yeah. Oh, last year? Mm-hmm. Sorry for your loss. No, it's okay. Thanks.
Starting point is 01:08:08 How old was he? Like 70, but the drugs. That's young. Yeah. He did a lot of cocaine. Did he really? A lot of crack. I mean, is this real or performative?
Starting point is 01:08:18 That stuff's bad for you? It's real. It's real and performative. Oh, okay. Fair enough. Was he performative? Yeah, he got thrown around. Was he performative? Was his drug use performative? Very. Is he real? Oh, okay. Fair enough. Was he performative? Yeah, he got thrown around.
Starting point is 01:08:27 Was his drug use performative? Very. Very, yeah. Put on a show. Yeah. No, it wasn't a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, whatever. What else? No, I'm looking forward to seeing your house now that it's on the water. Come on up. I would love to. You and Joey can come and ride the boat.
Starting point is 01:08:43 Well, in the summer. I mean, April, May, June, July, August. Yeah. I'll be hanging here all the time. Are you still apartment hunting here? I haven't apartment hunted yet because I'm like- Are you moving here? No, no, no. Second place.
Starting point is 01:08:56 Oh. I need to find 10 mil somewhere. I'm hoping the stock goes through the roof and then I could like Jerry just borrowed 15K from Big Cat. I'm looking to borrow 10 mil from Big Cat. Not at the moment when Penn goes to like 80. Yeah. If Penn goes to 80, can I borrow 10 mil? No.
Starting point is 01:09:11 What would Penn have to be for me to borrow 10 mil? 80? 10 mil? Yeah. Borrow. Not steal. Not rob. A legit borrow. He's good for it. I'll knock on every door in Chicago, get advertising on my tape. Why don't you bring it down to like two mil?
Starting point is 01:09:28 I can't. The place I have a million, there's dumps. I mean, I'm not living in a $2 million apartment. Maybe my nanny and my maid and my mistress will live in that, but not me. Are you still motivated to achieve massive, massive wealth? No, I never. In reality, in my entire life on this earth, even when I literally was worth like $20 million in the 90s and I had like, you know, FedEx packages coming in every day for 15,000 cash. No, money never motivated me. Really?
Starting point is 01:09:59 No. How about the friendship? You like having fun with it, though. I like having money so I could spend it with my friends that will never, ever make money. Right. Same. I was a millionaire at 23, so everything was dead after that. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:10:13 I made a million dollars at 23. Yeah, 23, I wanted the money. Have you made any really smart investments? Yeah, his house. Your house is gorgeous. No, my house is beautiful. No, no, no. I make a dollar.
Starting point is 01:10:25 I spend two. But your house was a very smart investment. Yeah, house is beautiful. No, no, no. I make a dollar. I spend two. But your house was a very smart investment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. My house made money. Yes, yes. I paid 1.4 million through a million into a 2.4. Then I built the houses in the backyard and I bought a 200 score phone. So I probably made like 6 million
Starting point is 01:10:41 off my house. Yeah. Sold some of the land. Yeah. but when you could lose a million dollars in a weekend at trump taj mahal what does it mean right you know what does it mean you know didn't mean anything um tj do we have to do fortnight today yes sir okay uh joey why don't you play let's reset stew we're gonna do an ad real quick. We're going to play a video game. You want me to add it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:07 I love you guys. It's an honor just to be here. I just want to say that. I love you, too. I'll see you in a minute. Rico's going to be doing stats today. Rico's on stats. Oh, I hear there's a little firework.
Starting point is 01:11:18 I got a little inside info. You and I got to get on the same page. Maybe we'll get them going at each other. Well, you're the best at that, and I will carry through. And Stu, by the way, I take your lead. We're not going to talk about the fact that you went 0-5. I lost every game. Listen, it happens. It happens. You know what I'm
Starting point is 01:11:34 saying? If you want me at my best, you gotta take me at my worst. Yeah. Can't get any worse. You and KB should collab for picks. KB's gonna go tout. Unbelievable. I see KB's on fire with these props and everything. You're hitting like props, right? You are seeing this? What? You're seeing this?
Starting point is 01:11:50 I keep my head down about it. No! You're posting online? Yes. I might have posted on your behalf. I don't flaunt it. I saw that. I flaunted because I was proud of you. Oh, okay. I saw that. So you're a shop. I'm in the honeymoon phase. KBS. KB shop. You, okay. I saw that. Yeah. So you're a shop. I'm in the honeymoon phase. KBS.
Starting point is 01:12:05 KB shop. Nah. You want to come with when I roll my five blunts and me and Nick- Oh, I got a video for you. No, are you there? I got a high video for you. You don't smoke though, do you? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:14 You do? Yeah. You bake? Yes. How do you guys bake and stay so thin? I fast until the night, then I smoke and eat. Is that really true? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:24 That's what I've been doing. Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. Okay, I'm out of here. I love you. God bless. All right, I'll see you in a minute. See you.
Starting point is 01:12:31 Nice to. I told Donnie to swing by, too. I'm very curious about his trip. Oh, yeah, actually. Where should I order lunch from? I'll go get lunch with you somewhere. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:46 Brandon, come back. with you somewhere. Okay. He's gone. Brandon, come back. Read the ad. All right, shoot. Get one shot. Get your one shot. No, get your one shot. Now that we're all watching,
Starting point is 01:12:57 go get your one shot. Come on. No, come on. You got to make the one shot. Brandon, hang on. This seat is warm as fuck. Stu runs hot. Miss.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Oh, man, that was bad. Oh, no. Oh, no. Go underhand. Oh, this is gonna be worse. Oh, man. No. You look like you've lost weight, though.
Starting point is 01:13:29 I have. Yeah? I can't not. You've probably been burning so many extra calories with this offer. Good for you. And things are starting to round into form a little bit. Where's the ad? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:13:39 Your Zoloft? No. Social life? No, my basketball. Basketball? It's better than that. We're not talking about Fortnite? Yeah, we basketball. Basketball? It's better than that. Are we talking about Fortnite?
Starting point is 01:13:47 Yeah, we're talking about Fortnite. Good. Mm-hmm. Three shots did not get me out of breath, Mook. It didn't. It really didn't. It won't. All right, kicking off our wheel segment today, we have Fortnite.
Starting point is 01:13:59 Huge thanks to Fortnite OG for sponsoring this wheel segment. The original map that started it all in 2018 is back. Fortnite is running the map from Season 5 to Season X. The map is is evolving make sure you hop into your favorite season before it's gone amazing for those of us who haven't played or gotten a victory royale in a while this is a limited chance to run it back to the glory days i gotta take a little break to breathe deep yeah don't forget Fortnite introduced Zero Build, which means if you haven't been working on your building skills, there's a mode for you to still enjoy the Chapter 1 map with friends.
Starting point is 01:14:31 Check out the OG Island back in Fortnite now. Titus. Yeah, I don't want to interrupt the ad read, but I had a question. Titus, go ahead. Where are we dropping in, boys? Where are we dropping, boys? Here we go. Boys?
Starting point is 01:14:44 Where are we dropping? Where are we dropping? boys? Here we go. Boys? Where are we dropping? Where are we dropping? Get tilted, baby. Tilted to our side. So now we're rolling the wheel to see. Luke, what are the other places you can drop? Pleasant Park, Paradise Park. Is Tomato Town still a thing?
Starting point is 01:14:54 Tomato Temple. It's Tomato Temple right now. Whoa. I believe we're getting Polar Peak in the game. Polar Peak? Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow we're getting Polar Peak? Yeah, this is our last day playing on the show.
Starting point is 01:15:04 And that's nostalgia right there. Yeah, that was the Christmas season from 2018, which is like peak. Peak. Peak stuff. Wait, can Joey play? No. No, he can't. What are we playing?
Starting point is 01:15:18 One of us will be playing Fortnite. A lovely sponsor. And it will be Kyle Bauer. Kyle, where are you dropping? Bro? I'm not good with buttons. Oh, I hear an audience. Yeah, it was just our
Starting point is 01:15:34 wheel audience. Oh, this is the best scenario right now. Just watching Kyle sit on the floor? Yeah, just getting him up. Joey, how do you handle adversity? Adversity? It doesn't really matter to me because I'm wealthy.
Starting point is 01:15:51 Do you know what I mean? I get it. I don't see it. You're wealthy. I'm not doing too bad for myself. Good for you. Thank you. He's made a lot of smart investments. I have. I've been backing the Elian Gonzalez Foundation for many years. That's your investment?
Starting point is 01:16:10 How's the return been? The ROI? Yeah. Nice, Joe. Very nice. The ROA? Oh, you're going to play a video game? Fortnite. A Fortnite video game. Oh, this is the biggest thing. Everyone
Starting point is 01:16:24 and their mother's playing Fortnite. Kids, young and old. Yeah, Fortnite. Oh, this is the biggest thing. Everyone and their mother's playing Fortnite. Kids, young and old. Nope, not kids. We're going to take a little time out to do a sponsored segment here, Joey. I love it. They're all 18 plus, for sure. I'm ready for you to win in this lobby. I don't think Moog really showed me how this intently.
Starting point is 01:16:46 You were, uh, who did the worst? I was terrible. I think Che did the worst. No, I did worse than Che. Che killed somebody. I didn't kill anybody. Drats. You're a refer-a-friend.
Starting point is 01:16:56 Is that a mushroom? Yeah, is he a mushroom guy? What's his name, CJ? I don't know. Who is that guy? Spore? Red Cap. Red Cap. Red Cap.
Starting point is 01:17:06 He looks like a fun guy. Oh, yuck. Oh, I love how you can pick your characters. I'd be the woman. Yeah. I think we're all women. Can you change your costumes? I think so.
Starting point is 01:17:21 You could buy... Play with the Luke? They're skins. Oh, they're called their skins? What are you two doing over there? Oh, just bonding. Talking about sharing clothes. Yep. The music's
Starting point is 01:17:35 very soothing, I just have to say. It is nice. Alright, what kind of experience are we talking about here, KB? What's the over-under on where you place? Oh. How many limbs? Okay. Not Fortnite, just any video game.
Starting point is 01:17:55 I'm going to set it at... It's disorienting if you've never played the game. 39 and a half is his position, like his final... That's what I think this is all right all fortnight game under You'll 39 on Trish are we game Queens like yeah gamer Queens guys wins happen to be on what is this? That's game. That's like scoping There's a lot of buttons to press mm-hmm where you drop in Kyle Where we drop in to the desert? Oh
Starting point is 01:18:31 Yeah, the desert never been to the desert desert Luke it's like soothing Is he gonna make it to the desert Oh, push forward. Is he going to make it to the desert? Oh, he'll make it. We got White Sox Davis first win last night. Is that like a go-kart track over there? Yeah, that's... Oh, that looks... They call it Gus because it kind of looks like the word Gus.
Starting point is 01:19:00 It's upside down right now. Oh, cool. Yeah, it does look like Gus. It is a racetrack. You can drive ATKs around the course. Yo, meet us at Gus. It feels like one of the guys who worked on the game. If I were ever to build a racetrack, I would build it in a man's name.
Starting point is 01:19:14 It's like it says mom in the color of the Wendy's logo. Yeah. Always with the logos, this guy. Does it? Oh, keep my mouth shut. I thought it always said Wendy somewhere in there. Does it not? Land on that.
Starting point is 01:19:26 Do you like Wendy's? Is that a beaut? I do like Wendy's, Titus. Careful. That's good. That sounds delicious. That sounds cool, man. In fact, I wish I had Wendy's right now.
Starting point is 01:19:43 Do you order bofa from there? We gotta get Kyle a piece. Oh yeah, he's a fast learner. your axe, press it again. Or no, press triangle, sorry. There we go. Naked smash stuff. Loki, you are so good at this. You are like... I play this game every now and then.
Starting point is 01:20:15 You're like a rally car co-pilot. Go right, go left, go right. He is. So with no builds, is there any real reason to... You could just break through walls and get into different areas. Like there's a chest above him that he could break the ceiling rather than going up the stairs. It's all about laziness. Love this home.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Yeah. Paradise Ponds is a nice real estate. This used to be Moisty Mire and then it became Paradise Ponds. Moisty Mire? Yeah. That'sonds. Nice real estate. This used to be Moisty Mire. And then it became Paradise Ponds. Moisty Mire? Yeah. That's a zesty name. A little swampland area. And it all dried up. Swampland? Yeah. In season 4 update.
Starting point is 01:20:56 There's a show right there, right? That's the shotgun. That's lit. That's lit. That's lit. That's lit. Go out and go left. No, your cap would go right. Oh I want to live there. It is very nice The square footage looks spacious This is literally Nick's apartment The map you press the press the big touchpad button on the controller, Kyle.
Starting point is 01:21:29 If you press the big white button in the middle of the controller, it'll pull the map up. Oh, it is big. That's what she said. And double jump, you basically grab the ledge right there. If you jump and grab the ledge and hit X again quickly. Grab the ledge? Yeah, you see the ledge right there? I'll grab the ledge right there. What'd it be? He? If you jump and grab the ledge and hit X again. Quickly. Grab the ledge? Yeah, you see the ledge right there?
Starting point is 01:21:48 I'll grab the ledge. Press X. If you press X twice. On that ledge, basically. Press twice. I'm pressing it twice. Get to the ledge. You gotta touch the ledge.
Starting point is 01:21:56 Press it twice, Kyle. Press it twice. You gotta touch the ledge. Yup. Yup. There you go. Alright, now I'll pick that up. The faulty game design.
Starting point is 01:22:04 Oh. Well, prettyy game design. Joe! Well, pretty terrific game design. This seems like user error. Square. Square? I'll press R1. Press R1. Is that something I should just know, or? Then press X.
Starting point is 01:22:19 Then press X? Square. He's the worst person to get this. Moog's thinking in Xbox controls. What is that thing? He's getting messed up. That's a chug jug? Yeah, it's a chug jug.
Starting point is 01:22:28 Chug jug. Look at her go. Jake Malasek pouring soap on himself. So what does this make them healthy? Is that a big shield? Full shield. It would be full health too if you needed health. And then let's go follow that...
Starting point is 01:22:47 See the line on the mini-map? Yeah. That's how you get to the circle, so follow that. We gotta play this on our show. You're already a third of the way through... the people. Yeah, you're doing well. You're doing awesome, Guile. Just keep doing this.
Starting point is 01:23:00 Yeah, I'm... feeling good, I guess. I would break that thing and get that chest. Break that thing to the left. See the chest up there? Yeah, I would break that. Do I double jump? That's a stagecoach.
Starting point is 01:23:13 Yeah, double jump. Is this your first time Kyle? Have you ever said that exact sentence? Press R1. We're reacting now. R1 and then pick that up. I got three guys. Okay.
Starting point is 01:23:41 Can people see us? Yeah. We're on camera. I thought that was the camera. I don't know who's on camera She wears short shirts So someone wearing coochie cutters just walked in we're here Oh Where? Here? Who? Gentlemen. Oh, I saw those coochie cutters earlier. I don't think that's what they're called. Oh. What are they called?
Starting point is 01:24:13 Ballbusters? I don't think that's what they're called either. I think they're just called short shorts. During this segment, they're just called pants. Short shorts. Kyle, how you doing? He does look like he knows at least how to walk around, which Brandon or Che knew how to do. Well, I mean that's... Right. Brandon and Che both had a tough time using both thumbs at the same time.
Starting point is 01:24:36 Fatal fields? Fatal fields doesn't sound as pleasant. Yeah. See ya. How come nobody came? Oh I'm starting to hear gunfire. Oh, I see bullets. What should I, what gun should I get right now? When you get super close, pull out the shotgun. Oh. He's running into battle.
Starting point is 01:25:04 Alright. And here we go All right Kyle there. They are to the left hey no Frantic screaming at me okay, okay? Lower yes, yeah, yeah Lower, lower. Good shot. No. He just got in the mix. Come on, come on Kyle. Yes. Nobody scream, nobody scream.
Starting point is 01:25:38 One more. Two. Alright to your left left there's more. I think getting close to the shotty. That's a grenade. Throw that, throw that. Throw it at him. No ammo. No ammo.
Starting point is 01:26:00 Yeah! Wow! KB! Nice job. Alright, they're behind you. How come his health is going down but not his chug jug thing? Yeah, Wow KB How come his health is going down but not as chug jug What boogie bomb. Boogie bomb. I would go back up there and pick up their guns. There is a guy up there still.
Starting point is 01:26:31 I'll get my bearings. Shake them out. It's got a three piece. Peace. Kyle, you're moving like an experienced gamer. He is. I used to play. Yeah. You said 15 years ago though. I would check that house.
Starting point is 01:27:02 Yeah. I've heard that. That's a beautiful tree house. You should go up there. It's real nice. 40 people left. Anybody here ever have a tree house? Never.
Starting point is 01:27:12 That's a lot of stairs. All right, so pick that up. Now you have an AR. Is this it? Yeah. Can you have an AR. Is this it? Yeah. Can you just hang out here? Is that a strategy? Do people do that?
Starting point is 01:27:33 Yeah. I would just hide and stay there so I don't have to run around so much. One of the first strategies in this was just to find a bush and send it. Really? For how long? Until you die. Fighting to your right and left. That's how you die. Fighting to your right.
Starting point is 01:27:46 And left. Oh, right down there. Yep. Aim. Kyle's on the hook. Alright. Light him up. Yeah! Long range Bauer!
Starting point is 01:28:08 Let's go! If you stop walking while you shoot, you aim better. Yes! Yes! Yes! That's kind of... One to your right. One to your right, yeah. There's at least two more people here.
Starting point is 01:28:27 How loose are you using the term people, TJ? Gamers. Yes! 30 to go. Out of ammo. You're actually close. I Don't know Yeah, who up the tree go Fucking this freaking guy try jeepers Gosh darn, he's good. I'm about to say he's gonna run for store
Starting point is 01:29:07 Zones on you you had a run Come on Kyle all right Kyle Kyle Alright, we're gonna start going crazy for you. Hey, still a good run. Good run, good run, good run, good run, Kyle. What happened? I missed it. He was... Alright. Alright, Kyle. TJ, what happened? I thought he had the chug jug and full health. Alright, Kyle.
Starting point is 01:29:37 Yeah, that guy didn't miss. That was the difficulty level of identifying a triangle. Getting those kills. The difficulty level of identifying a triangle. Donnie was about to come in. I told him to wait until Fortnite was over. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Tell him to come in.
Starting point is 01:29:54 Does he have snacks? He does. Do you want a cookie? Sure. I'm not much of a sweets guy, but... Really? No, I'll eat like seven pizzas, like french fries, but like sweets. Seven pizzas? I'll have like a pizzas and french fries Seven pizzas? I'll have a bite of a sweet
Starting point is 01:30:07 What's your guilty? I'm such a fat pig Pizza and Fucking french fries Chips Wait Nick where are you going? Oh he had to piss Oh I thought you meant chef Donnie
Starting point is 01:30:24 I thought he was bringing snacks in. That's what I meant. Donnie's back. Donnie, welcome back. We got to go record. Me and Joey do right now. Oh, you do? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:31 Okay. Well, it's great having you guys. Thank you for having us. We love having you on the show. Thank you for having us. We love having you in the office. It's fun here. Please come back.
Starting point is 01:30:38 I will. Boys Town. Can I dress up next time as a Bull Dyke gym teacher? Yes. I'll just walk around the office along my whistle. Absolutely. Along my whistle. Come in tomorrow, Julie.
Starting point is 01:30:47 I'll come in tomorrow, yeah. All right. There's no way. I got to go. There's not a chance. I'd come in. That was such a, like, oh, yeah, I'll come in tomorrow. I'll come in tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:30:55 No, I have nothing else to do. I'm here. I have the whole day by myself. Would you all go to dinner tomorrow? My treat? That'd be nice. We're going to be watching football. Here?
Starting point is 01:31:04 Yeah. Are you guys boozing? You can. Are you not going to booze? My treat? That'd be nice. We're going to be watching football. Here? Yeah. Are you guys boozing? You can. Are you not going to booze? I don't. Oh. If you booze, you can't bet. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:31:13 Well, you don't gamble. Well, I don't booze just because I can't afford to be hungover. True that. What games are on tomorrow? Ravens and Bengals. Good game. Oh. So if you want to come watch us.
Starting point is 01:31:24 Bengals is Joe Burrow Will Compton will be here Joe Burrow Yeah And Ravens is Lamar Green No
Starting point is 01:31:31 Lamar Lamar Odom Jackson Yep Yep And then Kyle Long Who actually Oh Kyle Long
Starting point is 01:31:37 Yeah Kyle Long follows me Yeah Yeah He's a big burly guy Yeah What teams does he play on He played for the Bears Yeah A year for the Chiefs Strangely he's been a fan of mine for years He's always big burly guy Yeah What teams does he play on? He played for the Bears
Starting point is 01:31:45 Yeah A year for the Chiefs Strangely he's been a fan of mine for years He's always in my DMs You used to comment Ruin my hole On his Instagram photos I did yeah
Starting point is 01:31:52 Yeah That's how I met Taylor LeJuan Got it I commented Ruin my hole And then I met him in person We do have to go record A hit podcast Called Out and About
Starting point is 01:32:01 But thank you for having me Alright Thank you Dan I'll see you guys Alright boys And even though I was in Uganda I don't support their stance on homosexuality so just wanted to oh you're gonna just want to clear that up all right next time let's see where mook is mook's gonna produce producer extraordinaire mook truly when mook produces the number is
Starting point is 01:32:20 actually one last question pat yeah is playboy mart Playboy Marty doing okay? Playboy Marty's engaged. He's engaged. He's engaged? Good for him. I loved him. Yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah. He's doing really well.
Starting point is 01:32:30 All right, good. See you, boys. Donnie. Have we peppered Donnie with questions yet? No, we haven't started. I'm very curious. Donnie, before we do that, though, Titus had a great idea yesterday on the Yak. I don't know if you heard.
Starting point is 01:32:42 I did not. You guys lost the africa bowl yes wait so first leg so when you when is the video going to come out i don't know like a month or so i'm kind of like a one-man team at the moment so we'll all right so let's say a month yeah we have um championship shirts that we're gonna put on the Barstool Sports store. Africa sends their losing team championship shirts to America. That's a great idea. And Triggs made them. They look sick.
Starting point is 01:33:11 Wait, they're made? I'll send them to you guys. Maybe like 20% of sales could go towards supporting their football program? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They need all the help they can get. I mean, they barely had enough pads to play the game.
Starting point is 01:33:30 Like, people wouldn't like – we would change from offense to defense. So people on the offense had to give their pads to defense. All right, let's cut out the Czech lacrosse team. We're now supporting Ugandan football. Yeah. So this is your first time meeting the players the staff you haven't talked to them on zoom or anything no we just showed up how did you roll up I talked to one guy who's like the president of American football out there so this started with me just going to
Starting point is 01:33:58 cover a football game in Africa being like look they're playing football in africa and it turned into so much more turned it like we became the head coaches of the team billy ended up becoming the starting quarterback for the team um it was very emotional and the whole like lead up to the game is just beautiful like probably the best stuff i've filmed this is incredible it's so inspiring and then game day was just an absolute disaster. All right. I'm so excited for this. You guys go to the first time meeting the team is a practice? Yes.
Starting point is 01:34:34 Zah, is this something that anyone knows about in Africa? Or is it like a new thing? American football, not. So I have been gone for about 13 years. And back when I lived there it was just basketball that was big got it yeah so it's it's a new this is a new enterprise yeah i'm very new okay yes yeah so much so they don't have the pads yeah they didn't have the pads uh shout out pardon my cheesesteak um and this church group in houston called like uh his print ministries
Starting point is 01:35:02 they helped they helped get some pads out to uganda there's print called his like his print ministries. They helped. They helped get some pads out to Uganda. There is print called his print. His print ministry is a church group. They're the one who they. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're all thinking the same thing. I mean, these people.
Starting point is 01:35:18 Is that like one name? I thought it was called high sprint ministries. And I was shouting out high sprint. And the guy's like, no, it's his print. His print. Okay. So they collect equipment. Teddy Bridgewater picture?
Starting point is 01:35:32 Yeah. I would worship that thing. My God. Yeah, so they collect all the equipment and donate it to programs around the world, and then part of my cheesesteak helped pay for the shipping to get it to new york and then me and billy just brought three wait wait awful bags of pads on the plane all we did was all part of my cheesesteak did was ship stuff from texas to new york so yeah no guys are heroes nice we're fucking guys the plan was that's pathetic no the plan was part of my cheesesteak was going to send out like a hundred sets of pads that would arrive sometime in January or February so they can start a league. We're still in for that.
Starting point is 01:36:12 And then like a week before he was like, wait, we actually need pads for this game. And then we're like, well, we don't have time to like ship them via air freight. Got it. Like have them arrive on time but i was like but if you just send them to new york me that is he can each bring two duffel bags filled with pads okay yeah um makes more sense yes yeah and part of my cheesesteak has been supportive i think um there's a few more things they're gonna help pay for whatever you guys need yeah yeah yeah um without giving away too much uh can you walk through the process of
Starting point is 01:36:46 billy football installing himself as quarterback yeah so that um i know it kind of looks bad but like the president of ugandan football the ugandan coaches even the players they all wanted him to start okay um yeah and so once he like once someone told him that he was like oh 100 i'm in i'm starting even though he apparently had a fracture. Yeah, I was just saying, did they know he had a broken foot? They were aware, but they were just like, we need a win. At one point, this was the night before the game, they told Billy, they're like, if we lose,
Starting point is 01:37:16 we might not even have a Ugandan football program anymore. Oh, my God. And when I heard that, I was just like. And then Billy went out and scored zero points. Oh, no. Yeah. So to be fair, the refs had no idea what they were doing. There was one ref that had some training,
Starting point is 01:37:30 but you can't ref a football game with just one ref. So, the guys doing the down markers, like, they didn't know how to do first downs. So, Billy was marching down the field with his Ugandan brothers, and they were getting, like, you know, three to six yards of play, but then they just would never call the first down, and it would be a turnover. Yeah, the way it was described to me via PFT, via Billy, is that if you first down, if you gained five yards,
Starting point is 01:37:57 they would make it second and ten. You had to gain all ten yards and one down. Yeah. I like that. Good wrinkle. I like it. Fun wrinkle. Fun wrinkle. I like it. Fun wrinkle. Fun wrinkle.
Starting point is 01:38:06 Would football be better that way? No. Definitely not. No touch push. It would just be the Big Ten West. Oh. It would just be punts. We tried the touch push.
Starting point is 01:38:16 What? Oh, no. We taught the touch push. It was supposed to be like the highlight of the game, and then apparently the center never even hiked the ball. They just went off sides, took the ball from the center, the center and ran it for a touchdown oh that's how they scored one of their touchdowns yeah so when you get there what is their experience with football just scrimmages or even that apparently they had played kenya a few times before but they like need
Starting point is 01:38:40 more opportunities they ever win they had beat beat Kenya once. That's funny. That's even funnier. They had drawn once, and they had lost their last game. This was their first time playing 11-on-11. Before, they had only been able to play 9v9, I believe. They need more opportunities to play. So, if there are any American high schools or colleges out there that either want to go to Uganda and play this team or invite them to the U.S. to play.
Starting point is 01:39:05 Why don't you send Antioch to Uganda? Why don't you finance that trip? Yeah. You should have Antioch play the WNBA champion. Yeah, I could do that. Set that up. Uh-oh. Are we worried about this?
Starting point is 01:39:18 No, let's not even. Let's not. We're not? Yeah, I don't think we should. Let's not. What? Nothing. Yeah, we should send Antioch to play.
Starting point is 01:39:28 Yeah, I don't know if I have that kind of pull yet. I was going to buy them state championship rings, but that wasn't real, so I could say I would spend that money. Do you think Antioch could beat Kenya? I feel like we could beat Kenya. Yeah. You thought they could beat Carmel Catholic? They were a very beatable team.
Starting point is 01:39:43 Yeah, Kenya's beatable. Dude, I can't wait for Kenya's football team to put your dumb face in oh yeah locker their hype video so yeah i don't want to give too much away donnie do you think you'll be back there's a chance that so that this is supposed to be the first leg of the african zone series and now uganda goes to kenya to play them december 12th oh that's yeah so it's like billy really wants to go back he is all that do they respect him as a coach and leader yes they do they do i mean everyone was a little afraid of billy including me in the first half because he was just losing his mind screaming at the refs just that's the thing is
Starting point is 01:40:24 that that the video can't be spoiled because billy seeing what how billy reacts is going to be the video yeah but no i mean the lead up we we developed a great rapport with all the players that's why billy was so broken afterwards he was like these players trusted us we let the ugandan team down he i mean he was bawling his eyes out to me and i was I was trying my best to comfort him was that awkward it was a little awkward but then but then afterwards I was like hey like I didn't film that like because I'm not trying to put you on the spot yeah he was like no no that's actually fine so then later when he called his mom and started crying again I did film that nice um he cares
Starting point is 01:41:02 he cares so what about off the field the recreation did you hang out with the players what did you do uh yeah the field was also a bar so we would uh that's awesome yeah we were billy was guzzling beers this trip but also in a very responsible manner um i mean those beers those two words don't go together i you know guzzling and responsible the only time he wasn't responsible was the flight home where um we went to check in for our flights and like the lady was like has your friend been drinking and i was like he's had a few beers and she was like he he can barely walk like i don't think we're gonna let him on this plane and i was like no no no i'll be sure he does not have another beer.
Starting point is 01:41:45 He's fine. He's going to drink water and be fine. And so then we get into the airport, and he does drink two large waters. And then after like an hour and a half, he's like, do you guys mind if I have one more beer? And I was like, I'm not your mom. You can have a beer. Just like if you don't get allowed on the flight i am getting on
Starting point is 01:42:06 that flight right right 100 and um somehow the same lady from check-in walks by right before we're supposed to board she was like that's it you're not getting on the flight no on the flight and then i was like no no like he drank a lot of water he's fine he's fine and then like i took the beer from him kind kind of distracted her, and he just went and boarded the plane. Oh, man. So, wait. So, when are you going to go back?
Starting point is 01:42:31 I don't know. We'll see. If this game does happen in Nairobi, it would be December 12th. And, I mean, I would consider going back if it's just, like, a short three-day trip. Yeah. I want to get that win or else it's just – Yeah.
Starting point is 01:42:44 It's such a sad ending you need the conclusion to the video yeah they were like looking at replays on your phone i would yeah they were i was trying to tell them like yeah you like he didn't even hike the ball and then they're like oh can we see it on your gopro but the gopro screen is so small they couldn't see anything and the ref was paid by the kenyans so then he oh he sided with them oh i was gonna suggest that wait so the refs wait yeah so what if i gave you bribe money what if that's a part of my cheesesteak that could go a long way i'll give you bribe money you guys don't have you guys don't have equipment but what you do have is my bribe money yeah or, or we could just, like, send a ref out there. I don't know if any refs are watching.
Starting point is 01:43:26 Jerry. Yeah. I'm going to throw it out there. Oh, no, Jerry did go to Columbia, so he does have a passport. Let's bring him in here and say we're going to send him. Can you send him to Africa? As the ref. Jerry!
Starting point is 01:43:38 Jerry needs to ref this game. Oh, my God. I mean, but it's – We got to check the Steelers' schedule. It was tough. Like, these players – we had 25-year-old guys on the Ugandan team, and they would come talk to me after practice, and they're like, my dream is to play in the NFL.
Starting point is 01:43:55 And it's kind of, like, heartbreaking because, like, there are players in the U.S. who are 25 years old and have been playing football their whole lives who have no chance of going to the NFL. What if you brought Will and Taylor? Oh, and they could play for them. Yeah, that would be huge. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:44:10 That would be awesome. An Aryan. An Aryan, yeah. Just feel the full NFL squad. Oh, my God. We couldn't beat Kenya or Billy, so we're just bringing out the big guys. Does Will need to be? Does Uganda have a practice squad?
Starting point is 01:44:29 That would be so funny if we just stacked it. Stacked it because if I fly back to Africa and then we lose to Kenya again, that can't happen. We have to guarantee you win. All the white American football players celebrating Uganda's big win. And listen, we're just popping champagne and high-fiving each other. We only need Will Taylor, Blake Bortles.
Starting point is 01:44:52 That's all you need. I was saying we only need them to play for the first quarter and put up like four touchdowns. Then we can put all the Ugandan players back. No, no. You need to put those guys in in the last quarter. Oh, yeah. Just orchestrate players back. That's true. No, no, a comeback. Last quarter. You need to put those guys in in the last quarter. Oh, yeah. Really crush them.
Starting point is 01:45:06 Just orchestrate the most incredible story ever. Why don't we get Antioch to go over? That's what I said. Oh, you did? Yeah. I don't know if I could afford it. They'd probably lose. No.
Starting point is 01:45:17 They would, yeah. Brandon. Nick Day. Another Antioch pizza chain reached out to me. Yeah? What about? They want to send me some merch. Well, here's the thing. Listen, Antioch Pizza is one of the best. Yeah? What about? They want to send me some merch. Well, here's the thing.
Starting point is 01:45:26 Listen, Antioch Pizza is one of the best pizzas you'll ever put in your mouth. They have eight locations in the northwest suburbs. The franchising opportunities are available. They want to send me some crust. Get you some crust, then. Yeah. I'll bring the boys some pizza. Yeah, please.
Starting point is 01:45:40 Did they really? Another one did, yeah. Wisconsin? It's in Burlington, Wisconsin. Did Billy run into any cultural obstacles well one of the cultural obstacles is that we would be somewhere at like a safari lodge where no one even knows this game is happening and he's getting worked up and he's like we're gonna kill kenya we're gonna kill the canyons it's like a quiet it's like a quiet restaurant i'm like no one knows the context of what you're talking about. Trying to start a war.
Starting point is 01:46:07 Yeah. So it's like, let's quiet down all the kill Kenya talk. He's in his camo fit. Yeah. I'll kill Kenya. How long was the flight? It was about two eight-hour legs. Something like that.
Starting point is 01:46:21 You went to Egypt first. Yeah, we went togypt on the way there um and then when we were in the egypt airport billy chugged a beer at the bar and there was someone else at the bar and his eyes are just are like are getting wider and wider as he's watching billy chug this beer and then he burps and he goes america motherfucker and. And I was like, that's the last thing you want to do in Egypt. Like, try to keep a low profile in Egypt, where there's already probably a lot of people that don't like America. That's incredible.
Starting point is 01:46:54 A cultural obstacle, when he was, we went to a music festival out there, and he had a Zin and Tylenol in his bag. I heard this. Yeah, they thought, like, the Zin may have been cocaine. They thought the Tylenol was, like, some sort of ecstasy. Yeah. So, yeah, I think they made him, like, pop a Tylenol in front of them. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:47:14 What is that? Hell, yeah. So if it's a hard drug, he's like, yeah. Yeah. But they were so confused about Zin, and we were like, no, it's like cigarette, but it's healthy. It's like for people that are trying to quit smoking cigarettes. They were so confused about Zinn, and we were like, no, it's like cigarette, but it's healthy. It's like for people that are trying to quit smoking cigarettes. They were very confused.
Starting point is 01:47:29 That's incredible. But, yeah, Billy does really care about this team, and all of the players and coaches really appreciated his help. Do they all speak English? Yeah, they could all. It's funny. Everyone on the team spoke really good English except for our quarterback, who's the one person who we like calling the plays.
Starting point is 01:47:50 Yeah. Yeah. Go Uganda. Go Uganda. How was Uganda? Where were you in Uganda? The people there were super friendly. There was one terror alert while we were out there that made us a little nervous
Starting point is 01:48:06 because there's one rebel group called the ADF. And we read an article, like, oh, seven ADF rebels crossed the border. So all U.S. citizens be on high alert. We were worried about that, but we didn't run into any problems. Billy would have taken them out. Yeah. Then he finally would have been a hero. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:48:28 Instead of losing to Kenya. If he could have stopped the terrorist attack. Damn. We got swarmed by wasps at one point. Oh, my God. Yeah. We went to see the gorillas do, like, gorilla tracking. In their homes.
Starting point is 01:48:43 Yes, in their homes yes in their homes um and we came to a stop point right before we were going to hike down this hill and see the gorillas and our guide was like if anyone needs to like smoke or do anything do it now and so three of the people we were with had vapes including me so we all like hit a vape put it, and then we hiked down the hill, finally find the gorillas. And as soon as we find them, a wasp lands on our main guide, bites her, and she's like, uh-oh, guys, run, run. Your guide? Yeah, and then they start attacking all of us.
Starting point is 01:49:18 I got bit like six times. What? That sucks. And Billy was like, it was because you guys vaped. Wasps are attracted to vapes. And I was like, shut up, Billy Vaped like wasps are attracted to vapes And I was like shut up Billy it had nothing to do with vaping And then I looked up
Starting point is 01:49:31 On Google afterwards I think wasps actually Are attracted to vapes Oh my god Billy was right Yeah I was shocked because like Billy does have a lot of theories Yeah so most of the time they're not True at all Did you get to see the gorillas?
Starting point is 01:49:44 Yes that was a magical experience How close? and like yeah so most of the time they're not true at all did you get to see the gorillas yes okay yeah that was a magical experience how close very close probably you scared at some points like five six feet what yeah were you scared very close i was not scared the guides did have guns not to harambe any of these things but just like if they charge like they could fire a shot or something um but no the gorillas were just chilling it seems like they lead an awesome life they have no predators they just chill in the jungle eating shit that's very close yeah are they aware of our americans fascination with con Kony the gorillas the gorillas
Starting point is 01:50:27 we did bring that up at one point and yeah so no one apparently Kony's in Darfur like someone claims to have seen him there oh wow but no one yeah like no one in Uganda he was just
Starting point is 01:50:44 deemed like no longer a threat And so they called off the manhunt But at one point There was like a 20 million dollar prize for him Damn 20 million Uganda What did Kony do? He had child soldiers
Starting point is 01:50:56 They put out that Kony 2012 Yeah I remember that That went insanely viral And the guy who made that doc was that white dude who was like very masturbated yeah yeah like a couple weeks after it came out he couldn't handle all the fame from the video and he was caught naked in san diego jacking off in public what okay yeah what happens that's an interesting way to handle fame. Happens every time.
Starting point is 01:51:26 Yeah, it does. Damn, I'm so excited for this. Yeah. Me too. How many, like, is it going to be one episode, a couple episodes? The whole saga, like, from starting in the U.S. to getting blown out by Kenya might be, like, five, six vids. Love it.
Starting point is 01:51:45 Something. But, yeah, we'll have to talk to Jerry and Taylor, see if we can get some support for the second leg. That would be incredible. I wouldn't hate having Che be the ref. Oh, yeah. Che, you can play, dude. Oh, Che, good play.
Starting point is 01:52:02 Oh, Che, you have to be wide receiver. Che, you have to play. I think I'm going to be breaking some film down for Donnie, which I did in the Dreyfus Concierge. That's really neither here nor there. Completely deflected that request. Che, will you go play wide receiver? Would you? When is this match?
Starting point is 01:52:18 December 12th, maybe. We actually have some pretty solid wide receivers. It was pouring out, so. Is he going to go with Bucks? Is he going to go with kids? Kids. It's only three days. Athletes from other sports.
Starting point is 01:52:31 What's the excuse? Yeah, like a couple of the players were recruited from the baseball team of Uganda. So our quarterback used to be the pitcher for Uganda. Okay. So, Steven, why wouldn't you go? I mean, if this is a serious thing, we can discuss it for sure. Okay. We're discussing it.
Starting point is 01:52:52 You playing wide receiver would be electric. They've never seen 4-4 speed. No. Never mind. This is the slowest man alive. Yeah've been i've been talking to donnie the the film so i helped with actually my initial four rounds of content was doing film breakdowns for his chinese football league that's right which ended up helping it helped yeah in the end uh i was looking for what was it the kenya white rhinos yes just got a bunch of search results about rhinos so uh there's not a lot of kenyan game film out there but now we have some
Starting point is 01:53:33 donnie talked to me about this morning so hopefully we can put put together a game plan for the next game the reverse completely fucked us i was kind of like the defensive end coach and um we didn't know they were going to run the reverse until right before the game, and so I tried to talk them through it on paper, but we didn't get to practice it in practice, and then they ran the reverse and just completely tricked our defensive ends and scored a touchdown. What do you mean you didn't know they were going to run the reverse?
Starting point is 01:53:59 How did you find out they were going to run the reverse? They got to the field before us, and we had someone at the field filming them. Oh, you're Belichick. Yeah, yeah. And you saw to run the reverse they got to the field before us and we had someone at the field filming your belichick yeah yeah and you saw them practice the reverse yes that's incredible the situations you get yourself in are insane yeah i mean it was just so sad because we were on live tv they were writing about us in the newspapers out there. And they were like, they're going to bring glory to Uganda. Oh, no. And we lost. We did. Billy did.
Starting point is 01:54:31 Every time we were on live TV, he was like, I want to bring up Coney. I want to bring up Coney. I was like, I don't think we should bring up Coney. Were there field goal posts? Yeah, because it was a rugby field. Okay. Yeah. You have posts in rugby as well.
Starting point is 01:54:46 Damn. All right. Well, December 12th, Judgment Day. Got to beef it up. I got your bribe money. All right, that would be huge. No problem. That would be huge.
Starting point is 01:54:56 I mean, I'm pretty sure we had to pay some bribes while we were out there, too. Because just the night before the game, Billy got cornered and was like oh so like someone screwed us we actually need money to rent the field and we need money to get all the helmets out of customs and i was like why are you telling us this the night before the game right and so they shook down billy for a thousand bucks what yeah ugandan or Ugandan or? No, a thousand USD. Whoa. What? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:55:29 Because Billy was like, wait, so if I don't pay this, we're just not going to be able to have the game. Damn. Yeah. I can't believe he budged. Billy, I know. A lot of politics. A lot of politics. A lot of politics in African America, like football in Africa.
Starting point is 01:55:43 Yeah. But it does sound like money talks, and I think that's the takeaway. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think we need to send the boys with a shitload of cash. Step in. Just a briefcase full of cash. You probably shouldn't say this. Drop some bags and put that W.
Starting point is 01:55:55 Yeah. I know. It doesn't even have to be a shitload. It's going to be a 6'3", blonde kid from New York who will have a briefcase full of cash and then we'll put nothing in his briefcase and your briefcase
Starting point is 01:56:10 will have all the cash. I like it. Brilliant. I like it. Yeah. All right, TJ, you want to spin the wheel? We got a lot of people on.
Starting point is 01:56:19 We got a lot of people on. We can hit something. It would be if the wheel has a sense of humor. I know what you're saying. Having to go back into the wet wheel Having malice Oh
Starting point is 01:56:30 Alright Have you guys Have you guys tested out the new shower yet? Oh yeah Unfortunately We don't want to talk about it anymore Okay We have a camera in that room
Starting point is 01:56:41 Yeah it's It's very Bad idea Morally Donnie TJ can you pull up the cam What do you think of this morally It's unsettling Donnie Trust us for this
Starting point is 01:56:52 There's the cam there's just the shower Now did people like know about that Big T did not They found out after they showered I'm getting it taken down It's over. That chapter is over. Let's all put it behind us.
Starting point is 01:57:08 Yeah, let's pretend this never happened. We got real perverted for a little bit. I said there's going to be some kinks we got to work out. I didn't know it was going to be that we were going to be spying on coworkers. Yeah, real kink. But we're out. We're good. Shower camera went through so many levels of approval we're all we're
Starting point is 01:57:27 all so sick and i know nobody questioned somebody purchased it somebody installed it installed it from pitch to installation so many people had to say yes yeah chain of command is broken damn all right we'll see you ever tomorrow we got will why were the cops here that chat spamming chain of command is broken damn alright we'll see you over tomorrow we got Will here tomorrow why were the cops here the chat's spamming about it they were just
Starting point is 01:57:49 they're patrolmen in our area so because we're a new business to open up they wanted to come check it out there we go so
Starting point is 01:57:58 that's probably not the answer that people wanted but that's the answer that it was alright see you in Marbot.

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