The Yak - We Get To the Bottom of The Gabbagool | The Yak 6-14-22
Episode Date: June 14, 2022what happened to Tony?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh, I'm late.
I'm late.
Someone start the show while I tweet everything.
I'm late.
It's the Yak Barstool Big Cat.
Little Sasquatch.
KB no swag.
Kate.
Kate, what do you what do you hold?
OK, what do you got?
What do you got?
Oh, I'm so glad that you asked.
And Owen.
And Owen.
And myself.
KB cut me off.
And I have been working on my arms this summer.
So I have this sick yak tank top that I will be wearing down the Jersey Shore next week on family vacation.
I really hit home why women should also buy this.
Well, can I tell you, side boob is the hot thing this summer.
I have it.
And seat up.
Seat up.
I'm big on that. I have under boob as well. Seat belt boob is have it. Seatbelt boob. I'm big on that.
I have under boob as well.
Seatbelt boob is goaded.
Seatbelt boob.
Seatbelt boob.
There's something about
just seeing a woman
with a seatbelt on.
I think it's a part of
the responsibility factor.
Yeah.
That's why guys like moms as well.
It's just like, wow.
It cuts the titties
and make them both look bigger.
Oh, is that what it is?
I thought it was a safety.
No.
No, it makes the titties larger.
No, I was in an Uber with Kyle, and we had a female driver,
and he growled the entire way all the way down to Gold Street.
It was Persian smooch.
Is that a Persian smooch?
She's big on TikTok now.
She does nothing in particular.
She just big tits, big ass.
Oh, yeah.
That's something.
KB, have you slept?
I got five hours. Let's go. Let's go. Give, yeah. That's something. KB, have you slept? I got five hours.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's give it up.
Let's give it up.
Thank you for everyone.
I see advice.
Yeah.
I think I just crashed because it was inevitable.
Did you try Unisom?
I did.
I got that.
Didn't try it.
Tonight you will.
Tonight my gummies?
I kept saying put your phone in a different room.
Charge it in a different room. Yeah, but that's your TV, too. I don't understand. I'm saying put your phone in a different room Charge it in a different room
Yeah but that's your TV too
I don't understand
I'm mobile
Are you still on the Sopranos kick?
No
I still love it
Big Cat you follow Gabagoolgram?
Oh yeah
You know she works here
What?
That's Tara over in branding
That's her account
Wait She runs Gabagoolgram Wait's her account. What is that? Wait.
She runs Gabagoolgram.
Wait, get her in here.
Tara is a beast, but she's awesome.
Gabagool.
She runs Gabagoolgram?
Can you pull up Gabagoolgram, please?
Gabagoolgram?
It's just basically screenshots of Sopranos.
Oh, yeah.
This is a big account, yeah.
By the way.
Good screenshot.
Genius move.
I saw on Twitter account the other day that was just every second of Goodfellas.
Like a picture from every second.
There's nothing that can give you like a quick dopamine rush and just seeing a scene of one of your favorite movies.
And be like, oh yeah, I saw that movie.
I don't even need a caption.
Right.
You're just like, yeah.
Every account that is just a show or movie and then no context.
Yeah.
Right.
There's some accounts.
Trailer Park Boys.
I love it.
Trailer Park Boys.
I can watch every still image of that show and look at it and laugh.
There's an account I'm pretty sure that on Twitter that's like a bot account,
and I think they're doing every single screen cap from every single episode
and scene of Spongebob.
Really?
You run Gobble Goolgram?
That's Gobble Goolgram.
What a small world, huh?
Since when?
You started or someone passed
down the reins? No, it's my Instagram page.
I started with my brother. Gobble Goolgram
is genius. What, hit me down? What Instagram page. I started with my brother. Gobble Goo Graham is genius.
What, hit me down?
What a small world.
So you know Barstool owns it now.
Yeah.
Look at this.
Like, go down.
We're going to be running ads. Like, there's Christopher sitting on the dog
when he's strung out on heroin.
Yeah.
Well, the dog crawled under his ass for warmth.
You have merch?
We do have merch.
Julia Fox.
Julia Fox follows it.
Julia Fox does follow us.
What?
Let's get the...
Uncut Gems?
We should.
Not today.
You don't have merch.
Say you don't have merch.
She doesn't have merch.
Not today.
No, no, no.
Today, say you don't.
It's a big 4th of July place.
I don't have merch.
Uncut Gems?
Is that Julia Fox?
The whole world's gone crazy.
Yeah, that's...
Yeah.
Yeah, how's KB's impression?
That's Julia Fox.
The whole world's gone crazy. That's that's Julia. Yeah. Yeah, how's KB's impression? That's Julia Fox. The whole world's gone crazy.
That's pretty good.
Saw some woman in Pennsylvania.
All I ever had.
Wait, so how, just walk me through like one or two posts of like, what am I thinking?
Like, go back, TJ.
Scroll, wait, scroll down, scroll down on the right side.
Keep scrolling.
Keep scrolling.
Keep scrolling. I saw side. Keep scrolling. Keep scrolling. Keep scrolling.
I saw one.
Keep scrolling.
There, right there.
Yeah, what's that?
What did you decide?
Why did you decide to do that?
Well, do you know this scene?
No, explain it to me.
Let me see it.
I've never seen the show.
You've never seen the show?
I'm just fucking kidding.
Okay, you just want me to explain this specific scene?
This is a prank.
But, I mean, this is him giving a blowjob to the security guard at the construction site.
And then gets caught.
He gets caught.
Yeah.
And he's like, you didn't see anything.
You didn't see anything.
Yeah.
So the joke is that he gets caught, but it's April Fool's.
Okay, so this is.
Yeah.
This is.
He's got a Google.
I love this i love
these accounts they just give me like that feeling of like oh yeah i remember that yeah well thank
you for following yeah i've been following for a while i didn't know that you worked like i didn't
know the person behind gabagool gram worked in this office it's my hidden alter ego it's my like
jersey hannah montana kind of vibes well shit now shit. But now I'm revealed. It's okay.
Yeah, what the fuck?
I did, yeah.
I found out this morning.
That's how long I kept it a secret.
A couple hours.
So what's next for Gobble Ghoul, Graham?
Well, we're looking for partners.
Stick with what?
You got you an intern?
Yeah, I would love an intern.
Glennie could be the intern.
Glennie would be a great intern.
He'd be a great intern.
Yeah.
No? Okay. He was an umpire. He can run fast.
He can run fast.
He is the one who found out that Julia Fox followed us.
I didn't even know.
Of course he did.
That's a perfect Glennie Venn diagram. His horniness
and the Sopranos.
He's like, oh,
Glennie is Liam Neeson.
He's got a particular set of skills.
Any hot chicks that are interested in the Sopranos
into Italian culture
he will find you and track you down
okay that's it
I mean I love Gobblegool Graham
follow Gobblegool Graham
I'm sure you had a part in putting a tracking
device in my backpack
I want to clear this up because
that's not true.
Which part? You didn't have a part?
I didn't have a part.
So you admit that there was a tracking device.
There was a tracking device, but I didn't know it was in your backpack.
Who bought it? I did buy the tracking device.
How do you not know?
What was the point of the purchase?
I mixed being really quiet because
I think it was him.
And look at him smiling because he's blaming was him it was him do it but he wasn't and look at him smiling
because he's blaming me and I've it was him it was accidentally and I want to clear my name because
there was three tracking devices that I put on in barcelona versus america on the keys
because last year the keys got lost of the rv I'm at the equivalent of a key so what they were on
the keys and I and when I when nick was first on the show on bvm when he
started i trusted him a lot more than i do now and i gave him the key to his bus and i said can
you put this on on the keys for your bus and he's like sure and somehow that air tag got lost and
how do you lose that that was what i was. You said, I didn't know the tracking device was in your backpack.
Isn't it a tracking device?
So we were all kind of in the same place, so it kept saying we were in the same area.
Got it.
But I couldn't find the tag, and I gave it to Nick, and then when we came back, I had
all the tags but one, and I wasn't looking at it, but it kept going places.
I didn't know who had it.
Kept on going to lobbies of hotels. didn't know who had it. Kept on going to lobbies of hotels.
Didn't know who had it.
Never sleeping.
And I didn't know you had it.
I could make a smooth 40K off of suing you for sex crime.
I didn't look, I swear, but you put it in his act.
I'll spoil the entire show unless you give me a good reason why I was stressed.
I wasn't.
I'll spoil the entire show.
I'd like to introduce you to KB.
He is the owner of Gobble Ghoul Graham.
Yes, KB does it right now.
I will take it.
It will be a good consolation.
I will take it.
My boy got that whole surprise.
He's being real quiet now.
He brought me in here.
He put the air tag in here.
I bugged Kyle.
It was me that bugged Kyle.
You didn't buy the tracking device and you didn't have the...
There's a Gobble Ghoulgram.
I'll co-own it.
Let me just have the password reply to the DMs.
Never.
I won't post.
No.
Let him DM Julia Fox once.
You're going to let him reply to DMs?
Absolutely not.
She said no.
I didn't do anything with the device.
I was doing a good job.
By the way, do you think off topic, but kind of on topic, tacos and titties, is that competition
or...
I doubt it.
How many followers do you guys have?
Like 72. More than Persian Smoochie doubt it. How many followers do you guys have? Like 72.
More than Persian Smoochie.
How much does Persian Smoochie have?
I don't even know.
All right, so she has 72K.
Tacos and Titties is another friend of the program.
Where's Tacos and Titties at?
They have like 4K.
Tacos and Titties.
6,811.
Oh, wow.
We got to really bump Tacos and Titties.
Puppy Melons has like over 100K.
Wow.
I swear you're in the pocket of Puppy Melons.
Every time we're talking, they are a friend.
Those guys are friends of the program.
Is there a seatbelt tits?
That's a good logo.
We should start that.
We started a seatbelt titty age.
Yeah, Puppy Melons really popped off.
I wonder why.
I don't.
I have equity.
What if
Gabagoolgram hits 100k
What's our cut
Oh we can get
Let's get them up
Everybody gets an air tag
You have enough
No seatbelt titties
We should make
I don't think you can use titties in the
Try seatbelt melons
Ocos and titties is an account we were just talking about
That's very true
That is true That is very true Unless they and titties is an account we were just talking about. That's very true. That is true.
That is very true.
Unless they spelled titties with a lowercase l.
Probably two d's if I had to guess.
Titties, yeah.
What if we did maybe a crossover, seatbelt and gabagool,
and it was just Italians with seatbelts on?
Like that, too.
I love that.
Although Italians don't wear seatbelts, I don't think.
I think it does need to be a crossover page.
So it needs to be seatbelt titties and something else.
Probably a food.
Oh, here we go, seatbelt titties.
Look at this.
Let's boost notes.
I'm going to follow.
The first one is wrong.
I don't want it resting over one.
It has to split in the middle.
Yeah, I still caught them, yeah.
When was the last time they posted?
When was the last time they posted?
Can we check the date on that?
May 2nd, okay. They're still a little active. When was the last time they posted? Yeah, they're all wrong. Can we check the date on that? May 2nd.
Okay.
Okay.
They're still a little active.
What are the hashtags?
Oh, oh, try, um.
Huge boobs.
Okay, so r slash traffic hits is tangentially related to.
36D.
Not quite.
It's got to be a little demoralizing when you're typing those hashtags in manually.
Yeah.
D, D, 36, D, sexy, beautiful, mega titties.
Huge boobs.
I don't use hashtags.
Ever?
Organic growth.
Not really.
I'm not about that.
Okay.
Do you ever pay for promotion?
Never.
So, not even.
Have you done any cross promotion with like, fuck Jerry?
No, there's just another Sopranos Instagram that
Sometimes
It's like the Avengers
No they invited me to Tony's house and I couldn't go
I was really upset
Yeah Glennie's been I didn't get to go
Couldn't you go?
I was down the Jersey Shore which feels kind of on brand
For the whole thing but
Yeah that's the only excuse that flies
When invited to Tony Soprano's house.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
Thank you, Tara.
Thank you for following.
First Yak appearance, Tara.
Thank you for having me.
Part of the show now.
Thank you.
Perfect.
We submit this entire anthology
to the Library of Congress.
That's right.
Tara will be in it.
She was pissed at me.
She's pissed at me.
She's pissed at me.
Can we see seatbelt boobs again?
Yeah, pull up seatbelt boobs.
Let's run that back.
DJ's worried about scrolling.
You can tell.
You can't post nudity. You've got a very scared scroll.
I don't think you can post nudity on here.
We've showed Titty once on this show when we were watching Robocop.
I blame Patty the Batty for that.
Wait, can you...
Why are you being so shy, buddy?
See, this isn't it.
I think this is all the same.
Oh my god, is this all one person that runs this?
This isn't it.
Oh, there it is. That's it.
There's one.
No, there's two.
No, there's three. Look at the red one.
The red shirt.
The point is you don't need cleavage.
That's what the point of the seatbelt is.
Oh, it's just a t-shirt.
You don't need big tits even for that.
Not even.
This is why I always put my seatbelt behind me.
What's the equivalent for guys in this?
Is it like when guys skydive and have to wear the harness?
Yeah.
Bungee jump?
Bungee jumping bulge?
I don't know.
Rock climbing.
Is it rock climbing?
Rock climbing.
Or football pants? I feel like that. Rock climbing. Or football pants.
I feel like that's a big one.
Football pants is a big one.
For some.
Just short shorts, like those silky kind of shorts
that guys are starting to wear.
You can see runner shorts. Vibs probably has a bunch of those.
That's more of a
reflection game. It's a light
trickery kind of thing.
I just looked at the screen and
Kate, you're wearing that tank top over your head. It's a reflection game. It's a light trickery kind of thing. I just looked at the screen and,
Kate, you're wearing that tank top over your head.
It's probably pushing a lot of merch.
Sales begins to drop of this shirt horribly.
People are refunding.
They're asking for refunds.
Oh, that's what it looks like?
I had Stephen Chay in my dream last night.
Oh, no.
Doing what?
We were being chased by security guards in a stadium,
and I just woke up, and I was just bummed out.
Was I the security guard?
No, you and I were going.
We were running.
Brothers in arms.
Yes. This is the bummer part.
Admitting crimes.
I thought long and hard about not bringing it up.
The worst part about it was you were having a blast.
Yeah, we were laughing.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Yeah, I don't know.
Because running from security guards is fun.
It is fun.
You're with Che.
We should do that.
Were we hopping fences?
No, we were, like, sliding down a ramp.
Oh, that's pretty sick.
Yeah, it was almost like a mental hospital.
Maybe I was breaking you out.
Probably.
Yeah. Chief Wigwam, is that the guy's name? Oh, that's pretty sick. Yeah, it was almost like a mental hospital. Maybe I was breaking you out. Probably. Yeah.
Chief Wigwam, is that the guy's name?
Oh, yeah.
One flew over the cougar's nest.
There you go.
Yeah.
So that's my bummer of a story of the day.
Sorry.
All right.
So that's actually, Kyle, why you shouldn't sleep.
Right.
Because you might dream about sleeping shit.
My dreams have been awful.
You've been burnt out.
My dreams have just been the worst aspects of my life.
It's like me, like,
DMing someone who hates me
and telling them to kill themselves.
And then, like,
they press charges.
Those are your dreams every night?
Go find them in Vermont.
Your dreams are just
the U.S. court system?
Yeah, just me getting
in legal trouble.
Damn. I think we should pick you out of vacation live on the Yak right now.
Ooh, I like that.
Can we do the spin the globe?
Do you have a passport?
Oh, time out, time out, time out.
Not to be a creep.
Yeah, that's first Victoria's Secret trans model.
Really?
Oh.
Stunning.
Is that a show?
That's what Pat told me.
He could be lying, but that's what they told me he could be lying but that's what they told me
super tall 6'5 maybe
well yeah
I didn't say anything about that
no I know but super tall person
right
got it
wow you're really tall
that was an impressive realization.
That's what I said when the mics were off in here.
I said, wow, that's really tall.
Penn's about to hire you for recruiting.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, Jay.
Friend to all.
Where are we going to go on vacation?
Where are you going to pick up a vacation?
Let's do it.
I don't need a fucking vacation.
Oh, yeah, you do.
I've been sleep deprived because I've been so excited with life.
I've been running on adrenaline.
That's not true.
That's not true at all.
Having nightmares.
What are you excited about right now?
Life's been exciting.
Yeah?
I'm constantly traveling and, you know, visiting new places.
It's fun.
You guys are jaded because everyone around us does more exciting things or equally exciting things.
Yeah.
But compared to the layperson, very exciting.
Huh.
Unless you don't want to do that kind of thing.
Right.
I do.
You mean you're traveling against your will?
Not.
Ever?
Enjoy it, yeah
Every second
No, but it's
Yeah, it's good
Wouldn't you like a vacation
Or going somewhere
Where you don't have to do something?
I don't know
Why don't you put
To be honest
It'd be kind of cool
What if we did like
GeoGuessr in real life?
Drop you off somewhere
Blindfold you
Put you on a plane,
and you gotta figure it out.
Be a good segment.
Awesome.
As soon as you figure it out,
we send you back.
Yeah, get back.
As soon as you read
what airport you're in,
you get back on the plane.
Very swiftly.
Yeah.
You think.
Mm-hmm.
All right, so where do you want to go?
I want to spin them.
The point is you wouldn't tell me.
Do you have a passport?
I want to go to one of the maritime provinces of Canada.
Newfoundland?
Yeah.
Okay.
St. John's.
You need to get a passport.
Yeah.
Easy.
Check. Consider. Check.
Consider it done.
Let's look up things to do in Newfoundland.
Consider it done.
You'll see some Newfies.
You got a hotel.
You got a blueberry festival, I believe, in August.
Oh, how'd you know that?
Don't worry about it.
Oh!
Don't fucking worry about it.
Have you been?
I haven't.
So how do you know?
Don't worry about it.
I mean, now I have to worry about it. How was your? I haven't. So how do you know? Don't worry about it. I mean, now I have to
worry about it. How was your wedding?
It was good. Anything
crazy?
Don't have any bugs on them?
Oh, man.
Was there any
Che heads?
I did get approached a couple times,
which was flattering. You did? I did, yeah.
Took a couple pictures. Nice.
People at the wedding.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Shout out to Ryan Madden.
That's got to feel cool.
Yeah.
The wedding I was at, we were watching the game, and there was like 30 dudes watching
the game, and every time they showed Dave, they were like, there's Portnoy, and then
look at me.
And I'm like, yep.
That's the equivalent of when you're in school And somebody has the same name as you in a book
This is crazy
Like there's Dave again
Still in his seat
It's a two and a half hour game
So how the fuck do you know Blueberry Fest in Newfoundland?
My wife has family there
You part Canadian?
By sex?
No.
Some of it gets on you.
No, I don't think so.
Are your kids Asian-Canadian?
Maybe.
I don't know.
You're trying to talk me into it.
Do you not know what your wife is?
I do, but I don't know who's from where.
Is her grandfather?
Where was he from?
Boots on the ground?
I don't know.
I know his ethnicity.
You don't know?
Who lives in Canada?
My wife's great-uncle.
He listed.
He's like, my wife's aunt, uncle,
mother, father.
Born and raised.
I guess she is too.
It's like my mother-in-law's cousins.
Probably not. Probably not Canadian.
Yeah.
There's actually a delightful Broadway play, Come From Away.
It's about Newfoundland.
What voice is that? I don't know what he's adopting.
I've seen it. It's actually Newfoundland. What voice is that? I don't know what he's adopting. I've seen it.
He's actually a delightful guy.
Is it about the Blueberry Fest?
It's not.
It's about September 11th, so KB, you could take an interest in it.
Whoa!
Wow.
Is it a play about the Canadians' perspective of September 11th?
During September 11th, a bunch of planes had to get rerouted to the whatever the New Finland airport is.
And then what happened?
They got stranded there.
They got stranded there and then became homies.
Oh.
I'm pretty sure planes
everywhere around the world were rerouted.
I think a very large
amount
got sent to this area,
which is a very
small airport, Gander. My cousin actually
used to work at the Gander airport. Whoa.
Your cousin, your wife's
cousin? No, my actual cousin. What the
fuck? Everything comes back.
You have so many ties. Everyone
you know lives in Newfoundland.
Have you ever been there? I have not.
They're super cool.
I mean, Blueberry Fest looks awesome.
All of the, yeah, like the PEI guys, super cool.
What's PEI?
The Prince Edward Island fellas.
Yeah.
That's who they are.
That is what we call them.
That was cunty.
That was so cunty of you.
I didn't want to say all those words, but yeah, they're all cool.
Yeah.
They've also got the New Finland dogs, which are like the cutest dogs ever.
Yeah, but don't they die when they're like six?
They die young, yeah.
And they have the best flag, right?
Do they?
What?
Hey, I don't know.
Newfoundland?
Sure, I believe their time zone's kind of funky.
I think they're like an hour and a half ahead of us.
How can that be real?
I think so.
No.
Someone just texted me
inviting me to Halifax.
Okay, that's...
First off, how does everyone have my...
Did my number re-leak?
My phone is just random numbers.
And that's to the point where I'm ignoring everyone,
even my loved ones.
Wait, Newfoundland?
Okay, we got to deal with that, KB.
That seems like it's bad.
Shit sucks.
Yeah, that flag's terrible.
That's like a deconstructed flag.
Better than the American one.
That's like a... It's a little ph than the American one. That's like a...
It's a little phallic.
Oh, no, the Isle of Man has a good flag, I think.
Just a dude?
Yeah.
That's what the fucking yak used to be
until Kate came around.
Oh, the Newfoundland tricolor.
That's pretty shitty.
That's weird adding pink.
That's just gay Irish.
Gay Irish.
Here we go.
Newfoundland standard time is 3.30 hours behind coordinated.
Thank you, sir.
What was it?
The time zone is in use during standard time.
They have half hour time zones there.
Isn't it just an hour ahead of us or no?
Local time differs by 30 minutes
Instead of normal
How is that possible?
It should be
That would be so annoying
It's more east than
I think the eastern part of the US
Yeah, I know that
But how could they do
How could they do half?
That would be enraging
Is that a new time zone?
You can do any time zone you want
Arizona just doesn't change
Yeah, they don't change
Yeah, but at least they go by the hour
Yeah, what's the difference? Yeah, but at least they go by the hour.
Yeah, what's the difference?
We're splitting U.S. states in half.
Oh, I know.
You can just go down the road and like... You drive in Indiana?
An hour late.
Yeah.
Fuck.
There are people...
I would love to interview someone who lives and works in a different time zone.
That would be crazy.
Yeah.
A lot, probably.
That definitely exists. Yeah, if you go from like Gary to South Bend, right? Isn't that. Yeah, a lot probably. That definitely exists.
Yeah, if you go from like Gary to South Bend, right?
Yeah, I mean Indianapolis is like...
Or like Tallahassee to Pensacola.
I don't know.
That would be weird.
I don't know how you would like...
I bet you a lot of people would like move to the other side
so they get like an extra hour of sleep.
Is that how it would work?
I don't know.
I don't think.
No, I don't think.
Now I'm confused.
We're time traveling.
A tiny bit.
Wouldn't you want to come home?
Wouldn't you want to gain the hour when you come home after work?
So you can leave the office at 5 and it's 4?
I mean, eventually, no matter what, it's going to catch up with you.
So what happens if you work from home?
Yeah, true.
I want to take a sick day.
Then you got heads in the office.
You got heads in the office. You got heads in the office.
Coordinate a Zoom meeting.
You're like, oh, you have to constantly be like, oh, I meant central time, guy.
Constantly.
Imagine happy hour bouncing, though.
You go to one bar and then you get another happy hour.
That would be awesome.
Driving drunk.
That would be a good video.
You get wasted, drive to the next bar.
Yeah.
If you're going across time zones, it's not drunk.
No, no, no. It's sober zone. It rewinds the time. Yeah But if you're going across time zones It's not drunk No no no
It's sober zone
It rewinds
Yeah that's
That was at
At four o'clock
You weren't drunk
Wait what is it seven
I wasn't drunk at seven
Yeah
At the last bar
I was sober at seven
That would probably fuck up
Some like
Investigations
Some dude just bouncing around
Time zones every day
Where were you at seven o'clock
Yeah
I was two places
Murdered two people bouncing around time zones every day. Where were you at 7 o'clock? Yeah. That was two places.
Murdered two people.
I've seen way more suspenseful detective thrillers about time zones.
Time zone detectives.
Oh, that's awesome.
Murdering two people at 7 o'clock
would be a good premise for a movie.
How'd you murder two people at 7 o'clock?
That's for you to find out. Oh, like a time zone? Oh. That's the whole movie. How'd you murder two people at 7 o'clock? That's for you to find out.
Oh, like a time zone?
That's the whole movie.
Wait, you figured it out that fast?
Shit.
Time zone killer?
Two and a half hours of suspense.
Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea.
I mean, if they're a shitty idea.
They'd have to be like the worst detective.
Yeah. It makes no sense he lives literally on the yeah like you live right there you've known your whole life
yeah figure it out um should we spin the wheel yeah by the way go to birddogs.com use promo code
yak birddogs.com promo code yak and they'll throw in a free Bird Dogs Yeti Tumbler.
They found Yeti's $90 Tumbler, copied it, and now Bird Dogs is giving it to you for free.
That's a lot of value.
That's Bird Dogs.
Promo code YAK.
And boom, a free Bird Dogs Tumbler with your pair of Bird Dogs.
You will not take these things off.
I promise you, I wear Bird Dogs all the time.
The most comfortable.
TJ, can you pull up that
gift that was just sent to us?
Look how sick this is.
Look at this.
Oh, come on. Not this again.
No, no, no. Wait.
Look at that.
What the fuck?
Oh my god.
That's wrong.
That is insane.
That's so sick.
I don't even know how Quicks found that.
Oh my god.
Did he find it or make it?
That is fucking crazy.
Yeah.
Did Quicks make that?
No, somebody sent it.
Oh, really?
I think whoever sent it should be fired.
Did Quicks make this?
State your name. My mind is blown. Oh, Quicks made it. It's gotta be fired. Did Quigs make this? State your name.
My mind is blown.
Quigs made it.
It's got to be Quigs.
Quigs is a genius.
That is fucking crazy.
It's unbelievable.
I did not expect that.
All right, so this is these shirts.
It's Roan.
Yeah, it adds another layer of list to the shirt.
Roan.
Quigs could be like curing diseases.
What a waste of a brain
I know
How long did that take him to make?
Probably 10 seconds
If I had literally a year
I wouldn't be able to make that
Yeah you would be able to I think
No
You were given instructions
Not finding it at the top
I think we're so used to being surrounded by dumb
really dumb people working here
Quiggs is even more
yeah he's definitely
yeah
if he went to
he could be working for like
Pixar
he did work for NASA didn't he
yeah he did
yeah
oh okay
what's his degree
pretty big one
it's like aerospace
cool shit
engineering or something
yeah
doing dope shit
do you think he looks at all of us like
oh yeah 100%
also do you know Quigs
I have a story that can really
throw him under the bus
I think he would be fine with it
get Quigs in here
if he wants to tell it
I would tell it if it were me
if it were me I would tell it
before Quigs gets in here do you know also Quigs also. I would tell it if it were me. I know this story. Yeah, if it were me, I would tell it. Before Quigs gets in here, do you know
also Quigs believes that
he's living in a simulation? Yeah, he doesn't
think any of us are real. Yeah, he thinks we're
all actors in his life. That's fair.
I think that's probably his, like, sleep deprivation.
Doesn't he sleep for, like, an hour a week?
But, like, if you would bring it up to him, he's like, yeah,
I know you guys are, like, this is all, like,
coordinated against me. He said he
studied religions, theologies, simulations. That's what he believes most. And, yeah, that when he, like, this is all like coordinated against me. He said he studied religions, theologies, simulations.
That's what he believes most.
And yeah, that when he like leaves a room that we're in, we're gone.
Yeah, like take out a cigarette being like, great scene, guys.
Yeah.
Like right now, you guys remember we got the script this morning.
We're like, bring Quigs in here.
I think, KB, I think Quigs has told this story on the act.
Oh, was I not here? No, I don't think he has. Which one? It was, I think, Wedding? Yeah, I think the KB, I think Quigs has told this story on the act. Oh, was I not here?
No, I don't think he has.
Which one?
It was, I think, Wedding?
Yeah, I think the rear one.
I wasn't here then.
Oh, then yeah, then don't retell it.
Hasn't he?
There he is.
Maybe he has me.
All right, wait, wait.
Everyone get your lines ready.
Get your lines ready.
Hey, hiya, Quigs.
Hey, Quigs.
Hey, man.
Here, come sit down.
Come sit down.
That's the outfit you were supposed to wear today.
Do you think that this is a curveball
that the scriptwriters threw at you
to bring you on today?
No. Wait, that's real?
Do you believe that?
You're in the Truman Show?
Yeah, a little bit.
It gets weird
when you like...
Well, it's like I kind of think I'm the only real person.
Correct.
In the world.
Which I've never seen Truman Show, but...
Right.
Like, when you leave a room that we're in,
we'll be like, break character and be like,
wow, we got a match.
No, we don't exist.
We don't exist at all?
We're like code.
You're like...
It gets weird when I talk to people who are like... Absolutely. Part of my life. Right. It's kind of like I don't exist. We don't exist at all? We're like code. You're like, it gets weird when I talk to people who are like part of my life.
Right.
It's kind of like I don't believe you're real, but.
You don't believe I'm real.
I mean, it's extremely, extremely vain, but it's sort of that everyone like revolt, like you're only on earth to be like a part of my life.
Yeah, your life.
I mean, it's fucking. Which is great. And it to be like a part of my life. Yeah, your life. I mean, it's fucking wacky.
And it's not like a daily.
Psychotic narcissism disorder?
It's definitely just all comes back to being like very vain, I guess.
But it's like not in that way to where it's like I don't care.
Yeah, no, I get it.
I never thought you don't care.
But I also think like you're smart enough that you might be right. that's what i'm scared yeah now it's kind of freaking me it all
like breaks down to what like life is to where it's like there's like i get rewarded for being
nice to people and i get rewarded for like that's fucking i it benefits like my life to have friends
be nice. Right.
But do you not want to do that?
No, I do.
I mean, it all breaks down to what actual life is.
Right. I just can't comprehend you guys going home and having thoughts.
Oh, thoughts.
No, I turn my brain off.
What about a potential wife and kids?
Are those sentient beings or just carcasses of
flesh and bones? Like when you're hooking up with a chick
do you think you're just your actual
body somewhere in a tube? It's not like an
active thought.
It's just like a... Every now and then?
Sort of. I mean when you like
step back. But it gets weird where it's like
I mean I don't think like my parents
are real. Yeah.
You answer that. I'm open for real. Yeah. You answer that.
I'm open for this.
Yeah.
Does it help you mentally, you think?
I think that's a healthy mindset.
Because, like, that is the thing.
It, like, all breaks down to, like, what real life is.
Like, I don't, like, I don't treat people differently and, like, stuff like that to where it's, like, I'm the only one.
But you are i
think it's just me not being able to like conceptualize like i guess object permanence
or whatever it's like if they're not visual visibly in front of me like yeah they're not
i don't they're not existing yeah what about when you like watch a game on tv that's not happening
physically in front of you like do i do I think, like, the players
are real? Yeah.
Because, like, you're not watching it live.
Yeah, but it's
not... It's, like, almost
like as if I think, if
you're not in my sight,
like, you just, like, shut down. Right!
Except for, like, when you tweet,
like, that's, like,
you're not even necessarily doing that. It's just, like, showing off. It's just a robot, yeah. To give, like, me entertainment tweet, like that's like you're not even necessarily doing that.
It's just like a robot.
Yeah.
Give like me entertainment, stuff like that.
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's heavy.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I can't recall a single memory that doesn't have you in it.
Yeah.
No, I mean, it is extremely like self-centered.
Yeah.
It's probably going to like backfire on me one day where I just go insane.
How long did it take you to make that gift?
15 minutes.
Fuck.
How long do you think it would take all of us in this room if we all worked together?
I don't even know what that is.
When do you think we could figure that out and have it be done?
Well, side characters aren't allowed to do the main quest.
Like with no help.
No help.
No help.
All of our brains together.
And you can use like YouTube and stuff.
You could probably do it in four or five hours.
No way.
I would never even think to check the basketball video.
You can work your way around like Adobe.
Nick could.
Maybe.
Someone tip you off?
Owen could.
Did someone say
that looked like Roan?
No.
How did you recall that?
I didn't.
I was like,
I was just trying
to promote the merch.
It's a basketball logo.
Let's think,
when did the Yak guys
play basketball?
And then you saw that.
I was planning on
using the video
in some capacity
and then it got
to that frame
and I was like, that's basically the same layout.
And then it matched up almost perfectly.
And then I just like moved the arms of the skeleton a little bit.
Did you tell your wedding story when me and Kyle were out?
Yeah, I think I've told it on there.
Oh, okay.
You shit yourself.
I shit on myself.
Tell it again, Rob. Oh, yeah, we've done this it was uh it was a indian wedding it was half indian half not native american yeah it was the curry no no no it wasn't
it was we were just getting ready i mean that's a fair question well yeah it is that it is that
type yeah yeah i think it was like coffee or something i just had to take a shit it was it
was in the morning before the wedding we're like getting ready and we have to put on our like Indian outfit called like a kurta,
which I've never worn, believe it or not.
And it's like a very long shirt, like down to like your calf and then these pants, which
we all like, I guess when we size them, they just didn't fit anybody.
Like, they were very tight.
So it took me, like, 20 minutes.
Oh, man.
You're, like, nine feet tall in that photo?
I think we went wide angle.
But the pants took forever.
They would just get to a point on the calf, wouldn't get on.
So I had to take a shit.
We have, like, the groom suite.
And I'm more focused on, like like getting my pants off to a point where i don't have to like restart putting them
back on and i just forget that my shirt is all the way so i take a shit i get up or i go i go to
wipe and then i realized that my shirt was just in the toilet the entire time I was shitting. So you tried to take a shortcut while shitting.
Never did that.
But it wasn't like a shortcut.
I don't have to make sure my shirt's not in the toilet today.
What did you do?
So there was a shower in the bathroom.
Oh, this is good.
I love these.
I love these stink on your feet.
What were you going to do?
What was your original, like...
Like, worst case scenario,
I was going to pretend that I fell in mud.
So I was going to, like, go outside.
It was kind of muddy.
And just, like, roll around.
So you got dirtier?
Because if I had shit on my back,
I'd rather just be full of mud.
And then it's like...
Oh, who's this guy that's muddy and smells like shit?
Yeah, it was a... If you look at it, it's, like, the perfect color. Muddy and smells like shit yeah it was a if you look at it it's like the perfect
color to shit if you had a muddy guy that just shit himself there's a good color to shit on
it's even grosser who do you think who shit themselves i bet he was that muddy guy
yeah but no it was it was a good material and color to
shit on and get it out yeah definitely
so is this pre or post this is pre okay but you had to take it off in the shower like you had to
yeah that is where that's where like my memory like blacks out i don't know how i got it off
of my body is there any it was like there's it was without getting more poop all over you so i
guess i just like went over the back.
But I was like panic station.
So I don't even remember.
So you shit in the long shirt and it just like kind of tumbled.
No, like it was so long that it was just like a bed for the shit to land.
You were so.
Oh, my God.
He shit in your shirt.
Yeah.
Oh, I shit my shirt. wow oh i shit my shirt hey who shit my shirt
i was i was a mess that day and we had like we had um like a normal we not no i guess not normal
a christian wedding as well um so we had like another just like a suit and tie and on the way
in i had like brand new shoes and i guess they had oil on them or whatever.
And my other shirt was just covered in black marks.
I was a mess that whole time.
So I pissed myself before the eighth grade state science fair at West Liberty State College.
I remember you got second out of one.
I did come in second out of one.
I didn't get enough points for the first place threshold.
I was the only person in my category.
That's how it worked.
I pissed myself and I pretended I fell in a puddle outside.
You then jumped in a puddle, you're saying?
I pretended to fall in a puddle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did all that.
That's smart.
I fell in a puddle.
I was wearing corduroy, too, so it's not really horrible to piss yourself.
I shit myself twice, I think, on the yak.
One day when I was on the floor and then one in there when we were doing the yak podcast.
And I realized that people don't care.
No, you shit yourself once a year.
That's fine.
People don't.
If you just.
I remember you also, like, I mean, you literally yesterday just put throw up in your pocket.
Can you tell us about that?
Yeah.
No, I didn't.
That's what I did.
Yeah.
As a youth, I pooped myself walking into a Dick's Sporting Goods.
Just a little nugget dropped out.
Oh, yeah.
I went to the bathroom to wipe, and then a few minutes later, somebody else came in to clean their shoes.
And it was my poop.
Oh.
Oh.
I loved how the Twitter detectives found KB's poop because they zoomed in on your fart.
And they saw the little poop.
They were sending me paragraphs about why
it was shit
I was like yeah
I shit myself
yeah
what do you want me to say
that's what it was
I was hoping the next day
we could make a whole episode
if you did or not
and then you just came clean
yeah
that pissed me off
what do they call that
turtle heading
it's like a moray eel
that goes back in
ooh
moray eel
yeah I think so
I haven't shit myself since...
I only shit myself once, and it was in eighth grade.
Oh, brother, you have to.
You gotta shit yourself.
You got to.
I shit myself at one of my last jobs.
Kate.
I couldn't go, I know.
War?
No.
Wait, what did you do aside from war?
I was working at Comedy Central.
Oh, shit.
And I was the assistant to the president of production there.
And it was one of my first, it was like my first week there.
And I like couldn't shit.
So I took that like Phillips or whatever.
And it didn't do anything.
So I took more.
And then I'm at work the next day and she wasn't in her office.
So I'm updating her board and I had to fart.
And so I was like, nobody's in here.
This is the spot to do it.
And I farted.
And like, you know when you pee out of your ass?
Yeah.
I like ass peed in my pants.
Wait, what did you take?
Philips?
Yeah.
What is that?
No free ads.
But it's a stool softener.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So anyway, I had to go.
I went to the handicapped bathroom.
And then I had to like clean out my...
I think handicapped bathrooms, yeah.
There's a wet spot of the room.
It was glorified pee.
You can't get away with
anything anymore. You can't fucking shit
himself on the internet and thrive at any point.
Not a thing.
I think handicap stalls are like
10% handicap people
and 90% people that have shit themselves.
If that's an option, I'm going in there.
Yeah.
Yep.
I shit myself before a haircut once, and I still got the haircut.
I went and threw out my underwear in the bathroom at the haircut place and then got my haircut.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you gotta.
You gotta.
I think worse than that is when you forget to apply deodorant and you have body odor.
Oh, yeah.
At a public event where you don't have access to deodorant.
I will do anything
in my power to go.
What do you do?
Soap.
Soap.
So, yeah,
it doesn't really work.
It doesn't really work,
but it makes you feel good
for a minute.
Hand sanitizer does work.
It burns.
It burns a lot.
Some sweaty people, too.
That's tough.
All right, Quigs,
well, you're the,
you're the,
you're genius.
Thank you.
You think we're all dumb?
No. Okay. Now you're just saying that? Thank you. You think we're all dumb? No.
You're just saying that?
You are.
You think I'd fall for that because I'm dumb?
He's trying to earn points right now.
It's like making videos.
Are you excited for the next case race?
Yeah.
We're going to tape it on a Monday and then run it on a Thursday.
Oh, tons of time.
Tons of time.
We're taping it on a Monday and then we have to go in on Tuesday?
Oh, yeah.
But I think we should tape it in the afternoon, which would be funnier.
The show's on at 1.
We're good.
Yeah.
Maybe we just tape it.
Oh, Brandon's show.
So we'll tape it at Monday night.
All right.
Yeah, we're going to run the case race will happen the Thursday before July 4th,
which will be our last show for like a week and a half.
Because we have July 4th week off.
What day is that Monday that we're filming?
Two weeks from yesterday.
Okay, cool.
Yeah.
Very excited.
And is Shane coming in?
I think so.
27th.
That's fucking awesome.
Yeah.
We'll have to figure out teams.
Maybe Shane goes with KB.
Coins?
Oh, yeah. Coins should be live. I hate teams. Maybe Shane goes with KB. Coins? Oh, yeah.
Coins should be live.
I don't want you to hate me.
What?
Those coins are heavy.
Coins are awesome.
So it's nice, though, that they're so heavy because it's a nuisance for the people to carry around to kiss us.
Yes.
Yes.
So the coins are going to be live.
We'll put them in.
We'll edit in a time during the case race.
Maybe we'll have it be random, TJ, where it's like an alarm that you set.
And the coins will just be live at that point in the case race.
How many do we have? 250?
Yeah.
And people can just go buy them.
And if you get one...
Are they live right now?
No.
Case race.
It's a race.
Okay, okay.
All right, we should spin the wheel because if it's a problem, it's a problem.
There.
That makes sense
We have to get wet
Yeah t-shirts are available
Up to 6x7
Sorry for yawning there
Boys
Fucking
Thank god
People are gonna be very upset
People are gonna be so mad
People are gonna be so pissed
But you know what
This is the best part about the wheel
Because
If you remember If I could go back in time
two months ago, people were like, fucking wet is so stupid.
So played.
Now, next time we get wet, it's going to be incredible.
I think we have to spin again.
I think we're going to get wet.
Oh, we'll reset.
We do spin.
We'll reset.
We spin again on this show.
What?
Yeah, we always have.
That's how it always works.
You reset and then you spin.
That's the official spin
I think we might be
missing a dry
God that looks good but
this is the wheel we're
going to land it's going
to land on wet no no no
don't say that
yeah oh yeah oh yeah
that feels good.
Throw a couple more in just for fun.
I think we didn't have one wet that whole wheel.
We've done two wheel resets without a wet.
Really?
Yeah.
I think the last time somebody got wet was the hamburger draft.
Yeah.
Greedy boy.
Yeah, it was.
And we got soaked. So soaked. Two greedy boy. We got soaked.
Two greedy boys.
So soaked.
There we go.
Wow, nice.
A little symmetry.
Move it around.
Let's get this over with.
Spin it, spin it.
It's a juicy wheel now.
Oh my god. Oh my it's a juicy wheel now. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Let's eat, boys.
Food wheel.
All right.
Spin the food wheel.
Food wheel is kind of a pain in the ass.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, for me, because it's just a wheel that says,
Dan pays $250.
About $250.
And then we get food that we don't want.
The best part is the Yak audience has just taken,
like the chat has taken your guys' frame of mind where it's like,
if I don't pay for something, they're like,
how is Big Cat not paying for this
like I saw there was the hot dog
guy yeah there was like comments being
like dude did you not tip him I was like yes I did
tip him after but thank you
I tipped him yeah it's like what the fuck
do a good job at keeping us in check
a cat buying lunch is like Nick giving Sass a
dollar
okay
we did discover the spiced chicken on here though yeah that was incredible dollar. Okay.
We did discover the spiced chicken on here, though. Yeah, that was incredible.
Incredible. I've had it since.
I'd like to have that again.
Kate
has to add something. Oh, Kate does have to add something.
I just pick a food? Any food.
Did I change mine?
No whack shit, Kate. Nightmare, nightmare,
nightmare!
Food. No whack shit, Kate. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. Food.
No whack shit, Kate.
Oh my God, my brain.
Name a food, Kate.
Sushi.
Okay.
Kate, that's not what you want.
I don't eat fish.
That's not what you want.
What the fuck?
I don't eat fish.
What's your favorite food?
Can I pick something else?
Yes.
Okay.
Cheesesteaks.
Perfect.
Easy.
What's your ideal cheesesteak in New York?
Manhattan. In New York? Manhattan.
In New York?
I haven't found one I really love.
Shorty's is good.
They're good.
I feel like they used to be better.
Sometimes the Shorty's ones
gross me out.
Yeah, they're hit or miss.
They're hit or miss, yeah.
Cutlets DM me
and they want to send us stuff.
Maybe for Yak Idol.
We'll eat in front of them.
Or maybe for,
yeah, Yak Idol or
the case race. Wogies. yeah, Yak Idol or the Ace Race.
Wogees.
I haven't been there in a while.
Wogees would be nice.
Really?
Bad.
In my opinion.
I haven't been in a while now, but they're all falling off, I guess.
I don't know.
Beautiful neighborhood, though.
Great neighborhood.
Wogees.
Prime location.
It's a chain.
Oh.
Is it?
Joel of at least a handful.
What?
CMR. Who picked Joel of Rice? What is that? Joel of Rice. There's at least a handful. What? CMR.
Who picked Joel of Rice?
What is that?
I picked that.
What did you think I said?
Joel of Rice.
Oh, fuck.
I did say that.
Okay.
I didn't see that there wasn't a space.
Yeah.
Okay, that makes more sense now.
There's been one guy that's been spamming and DMing me
wanting to get poutine added to this wheel for like three months.
Oh, yeah.
You can replace my...
What was your original?
I forget what mine was.
Birthday cake?
Yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
You can replace my birthday cake.
Oh, happy birthday, Jordan Woodruff.
Oh, happy birthday, Jordan.
Happy birthday.
There's one more.
She's going on day five of her birthday.
Happy birthday, Hank.
Oh, our producer, Nick.
Nick, yeah.
Nikki B, yeah.
Nikki B, awesome guy.
All he wants for his birthday
is people to subscribe
to the ZeroBlog30 YouTube.
Really, you're not using
his birthday for your own
personal game?
Oh, wait, no,
I talked to him this morning.
He wants people to subscribe
to Anus as well.
Yes, he does.
I have randomly
walked into the kitchen
like probably four Mondays in a row when
kate and nick are catching up on their weekend yeah i feel very awkward every time it's the
most bland yeah it's very vanilla have you noticed me there we do and i feel as you're there every
time you're there i feel embarrassed by how bland our conversation is i don't know what it is but
like it's synced up perfectly that I can vividly remember
at least three times
standing in the kitchen
with you two being like,
nothing much.
I went with the kids to the park.
Same here.
How about you?
Same here.
I've got to get out of this loop.
You guys both hung out
with the beef the whole weekend.
Yeah.
Kicking back with the beef.
Oh, yeah.
Fitty emoji.
What do we do?
Oh, wheel. For food. Oh, yeah. Diddy emoji. What do we do? Oh, wheel.
For food.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, little flag of Mexico.
Oh, yeah, you're Nico.
Diva.
And it is.
Oh, no.
Carrot sandwiches, boys.
Oh, hey, I'm sorry.
I didn't even know that was added.
What is that? I was complaining about how even know that was added. That was yours.
What is that?
I was complaining about how I got that.
What is that? You were saying it in the cadence of body.
There's a...
Bonmeat?
No meat?
Can we...
They gave me like zero meat and so many carrots.
Yeah, and you said you wanted us to experience that.
So we're getting carrot sandwiches.
Technically, this could be a tofu banh mi.
I don't think so.
That sounds even worse.
No, we're not doing it.
Just get a regular banh mi.
People are going to be pissed, Kyle.
It's a good sandwich when done right.
Banh mi.
Simple sandwich.
Banh mi.
Banh mi.
Okay.
Banh mi, banh mi.
All right, it's going to take a long time.
So do you want to eat for lunch tomorrow So do you wanna eat for lunch tomorrow
Or do you want it for lunch today
Just get like one and we can split it
Yeah
On me no meat
Gotta do it
And then Kyle you get to replace the food
Mutton
And then when mutton goes
How did we get here
No that's one of the
Best things you can get right
Getting medieval times to go
Am I thinking of the wrong thing
I thought mutton was the
Like lamb right
It's good
Vikings eat it
This is so depressing
I got a mushroom banh mi
I got a vegetarian air a mushroom banh mi.
I got a vegetarian air fried chicken banh mi.
Jesus.
I don't know how that works.
Vegetarian beefsteak banh mi.
I don't know how that works.
Those all sound really bad.
Yeah, that sounds- You better eat all of these.
Troubling.
Fucking ask for this.
Yeah, you literally did.
You literally did.
That's exactly who asked for it.
We all have agreed to completely sacrifice our autonomy and the well-being and quality of the show for a virtual wheel
because the vocal minority of people bullied us into believing that.
Yeah.
That was deep.
He's spitting.
That was deep.
Look at the camera.
Flame him.
Oh, my God.
This Bon Mead restaurant is in fucking Astoria.
Jesus Christ.
It's never getting here.
Best Bon Mead in Astoria.
Vegetarian.
That's good.
Oh, man. Okay. Jurassic Park is a popular blizzard at Dairy Queen
what's your favorite
discontinue the nerds blizzard
I used to love that
thank you Kate
I would spit
each spoonful I would spit the nerds back out
you are a foul creature everybody did that I would put all, I would spit, each spoonful, I would spit the Nerds back out into the cup. And then you'd have the fucking cocktail.
You are a foul creature.
Everybody did that.
No one, not everybody did that.
What are you talking about?
You would save the Nerds.
And I'd have all the Nerds at the bottom.
Yes.
I swear you'd have that cup of like beige Nerds.
It would turn to like a brown color.
Yeah.
All the colors.
Fuck yeah.
One thing I do stand by is taking a Ritz cracker, chewing it up, spitting it out onto another Ritz cracker.
Oh, yes.
That's good.
It's good.
It just tastes like the same, doesn't it?
No, it's something about it.
Is that a joke or that's something I really do?
No, that's something my family used to do.
Say that again real quick.
Wait, what?
Your family used to do that?
You chew up a Ritz cracker and spit it onto another whole Ritz cracker and then eat it.
Oh, what?
It kind of works. I agree
that it's disgusting.
Do we have any Ritz crackers?
Can we put that on the food wheel?
Yes. Did you do it more than one at a time?
I feel like I did that.
It's like a good dip.
You know what? I'm going to make an executive order.
The next time the food
wheel hits, that's what we're eating.
Double Ritz.
There's no other wheel.
It's just Double Ritz.
So make that just Double Ritz slice.
You guys will be pleasantly surprised.
So that we remember, TJ.
Instead of food wheel, have it be a Double Ritz.
So your family would be sitting around watching TV in the evening,
and you're all spitting.
Yeah, no, I hated it.
It was just like, all right, might as well do it
because I'm not going to get over this any other way.
Would you do it for each other?
No, no, no.
It's just for certain.
No, it's for certain, TJ.
So the main wheel, instead of food,
the main wheel, just have it be double Ritz.
Yeah, yeah.
Food wheel becomes double Ritz.
The double Ritz wheel.
Oh, my God.
That's too.
If food leaves my mouth, I accidentally spit food out.
I don't even want to touch it, even though it's just in my own mouth.
Would you ever, like, would your mom make them for you?
I didn't like it.
It was more so I tried it just to finally see out of morbid curiosity,
and it wasn't bad.
I imagine there's like...
Kind of worked.
You have a potluck at your house,
and your mom just has no spit left in her mouth.
She's like,
I've been making my double ritz for everyone all day.
She did it the most.
Mama's double ritz.
Like deviled eggs.
Nothing like them, actually,
now that I'm saying that.
No.
Nothing.
No.
Zero.
Nope, let's find it.
Let's find the correlation.
They make the middle part of the deviled eggs in their mouths, though.
Yeah.
They spit it all back out into the...
Yeah, you're right.
Disgusting me.
Baby birding everything.
You should open a double Ritz restaurant.
Yeah.
Double Ritz.
Yeah.
There's some freaks out there that would want to get double Ritzed by us.
I'm taking my girl to the Ritz tonight. Yeah. Double Ritz. Yeah. There's some freaks out there that would want to get double-ritzed by us. I'm taking my girl to the Ritz tonight.
Yeah.
Double-ritz.
I don't even know how to Google this.
It doesn't exist.
I don't know how to do it.
Because I remember it wasn't just my family.
They all bonded.
We would go on trips outside of the state.
My mom would bond with other people about how it's a good move.
Double-ritz? What how it's a double risk.
That's not it's like making me gag.
I know it's it is disgusting.
I just say this is a
fake story. It's not
you ever trip multiple Ritz crackers
until they become a mushy
paste. So gross
spit the paste on the. Oh, it's a
double Ritz sandwich is on Reddit
or slash does anybody else.
Nah, man, you alone.
I'm not hyping this up.
Look at the one below.
Do you ever masturbate out of boredom?
Yeah.
It's the only reason.
Necessity for me.
Wait, did anyone say yes?
Yeah.
It's got to be. Oh, Cheez say yes? Yeah. It's gotta be.
Oh,
Cheez-Its and Goldfish?
It's making me sick.
What do you do with the Cheez-Its?
Goldfish are so small. It has been like
16 plus years. How do we go from this?
Now I need to see if it's actually good.
How do we have the one good thing
on the wheel and we just turn it into something disgusting?
It's your own double Ritz.
I'm not.
Oh, that's gross.
Oh, we're double.
Everyone is double Ritzing.
I bet you Ritz doesn't sound bad to me.
Loser of the case race has to eat an entire sleeve of Ritz,
double Ritz style.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
Can I at least get a paste?
Can I blend water?
We're not going to lose.
We're not going to do water in the same team or not.
Oh, yeah.
They're going to break up the dream team?
They will try.
Yeah, they always try.
I'd say they'll succeed.
Am I misremembering that?
Steven, can you make sure that we have a face painter for that Monday?
Can we get like a really good one too?
He had a really good one.
It was amazing.
I want movie quality.
She was.
She was really good. Did you see had a really good movie. I want movie quality. She was. She was really good.
Did you see TJ's Snake?
Yeah.
I want like a six
I want six hours
in the makeup room
making me look like
a different person.
That lady couldn't do
Gautier for me.
I think I'm going to do Kane.
I asked her if I could do Patrick
because me and Big Cat
were going to do
SpongeBob and Patrick
and she was like
I don't think I can do that.
I think we're under
a certain time constraint. Yeah. Do we want the same one or a different one? I think she was great. She don't think I can do that. I think we're under a certain time constraint.
Yeah.
Do we want the same one or a different one?
I think she was great.
She was good.
Okay, cool.
Do you guys remember, like, I think I know what I'm going to do this time,
but I'm not doing the Joker again.
Please.
People want it.
All good things must pass.
Put a vote up real quick, TJ.
Two-minute vote.
No, I'm not going to. Should Sass be the Joker again?
No you can't
It was a one time thing
You have to
I'm the Joker baby
Like I'm gonna be the cookie monster
That's pretty good
What does he say?
Cookie
Oh that would be good
It's some catchphrase that's repeatable.
You need to drink the beer like he eats cookies.
Yeah.
I'm not.
How many cookies a day?
We could all do a theme.
We could all be Sesame Street.
Sesame Street would be hilarious.
That would be funny.
Well, last time I wanted everyone to do the Joker.
I want us to all come in and be the Joker
but then me and Owen did it and then everyone else
was like nah you didn't have time
so then just me and Owen were the Joker
it was great it was memorable
I'm the Joker baby
I'm pumped
it's all pumped
okay this has been a good show that we didn't have to do
anything stupid and hurt ourselves
it's weird whenever we do a talk show.
Yeah, but it worked well.
I thought that was very fun, and we now also know Quiggs is a psychopath.
Yeah.
Oh, looks like you got to do it.
Not a lot of votes.
Look at this.
Oh, keep fighting.
Well, we just put it up 35 seconds ago.
Staying at 35 seconds.
What about a hybrid Cookie Monster Joker combo?
I don't know if she can do that.
It's like milk.
He's a milk mustache.
I like that.
That salmon bar is digging.
Yeah, I think that's enough to overrule.
Well, I'm saying no.
Yeah, it is.
And the people said yes.
Not that many people, though.
Enough people that I think we have to do it.
I want to be the cookie monster.
Somebody took seatbelt titties on Instagram.
Shit.
Should have known that was going to happen.
Go to him.
Probably going to try and...
But I will say, the other one besides me is the perfect seatbelt.
That is a great seatbelt titty.
Actually, those aren't even big tits.
The seatbelt just gives the illusion.
Oh, it's Sass.
It's Sass's titties.
Love it.
Get some love on that one too.
There we go. Okay. Love it. Get some love on that one, too. Yeah, let's get it.
There we go.
Okay.
All right, we'll see everyone tomorrow.
KB, look out for your bond me.
Should arrive in about four days.
And it has no meat in it.
Buy the shirts.
Buy the shirts.
Buy the shirts.
Buy the shirts. Buy the shirts. Buy the shirts. Buy the act. Yeah, it's time to talk shop.
We're doing Yankees.
Love is the act.
It's the act.