The Yak - We Sent KB Off to Hawaii with a Luau | The Yak 4-19-24
Episode Date: April 19, 2024SquawkYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up.
Hello.
It is the Yak, sponsored by Roback.
Use code YAK for 20% off your first purchase.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
Promo code YAK, 20% off your first purchase.
Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.
TJ, do we have any Hawaiian music that you can play?
Royalty free Welcome in
Wait is there hats? Aloha
Do they wear hats in Hawaii?
I don't think so
Oh
Okay
So this is
The Luau Yak
We're trying to convince KB to cancel his flight on Sunday.
Come on, man.
Why go into Hawaii when you have Hawaii right here?
It's just getting nice here.
We need you.
Come on.
All right.
Show me what you guys got.
Show me your about it about it.
Okay.
I'll start.
I like this.
I got some traditional Hawaiian cuisine for you.
Yeah.
Hawaiian pizza.
I'm a fan.
I'm a fan.
I won't deny that.
Now pass it around.
There you go.
Thank you.
Hawaiian pizza.
Yeah, that's about it.
That's it.
No, Kyle, look at your phone.
I just Apple cashed you $200.
Oh, in Hawaii, you get money.
But it is more expensive there.
Significantly more expensive.
Significantly more expensive.
Thank you, guys.
Resort fees and all that.
Those add up.
No, we want you to go.
We just want you to be acclimated when you go.
So you can be like, oh, I know this.
So I should wear this stuff?
Yeah, I know this.
I've been there should wear this stuff. Yeah, I know this Been there
They were expected boys. They won't think that you're a big holy or anything like that. We're in what do they call them?
Holy gringo
It's basically the n-word for white people over there
You know how Lee there's a big divide between actual Hawaiians and people who were oh, yeah born and raised in Hawaii. Oh, yeah
Yeah, yeah, my My boy's BM.
She's a native Hawaiian, and he has this token Howley shirt that he wears.
Okay.
Make sure you don't.
Oh, yeah, he is.
Don't try to steal anyone's barrels.
Barrel of oil?
No.
Waves, bro.
Oh, my God.
You'll get your ass kicked.
Well, there's a lot of private.
There's a lot of exclusive
If you snipe someone's barrel
No wrestling is going to save you
Because they're good wrestlers too
Yeah they are
They're all kind of BJ Penn
I respect them
They're kind of Brazilian
And they have a secret move
Thumb up butt
Thumb up your butt
That's where this handshake came from.
That's jiggling the balls
while the thumb's up the butt. You don't want this shit.
Instant tap. You're gonna fight a BJ
Penn or like a defensive tackle for Utah.
Yeah, no.
They're tough dudes.
Samoans, Tongans.
All of them.
All of them.
I was gonna say Samoans and Tongans. Is that sexy?
I've never found that too sexy.
Nor have I. I don't like it.
Coconut covers it.
It also is like
it basically is like there's no cleave in it.
It's from a different time.
It replaces the tip.
When the coconut bra was in
vogue, it was at a time where
seeing a little cleave was scandalous.
Why is this the hottest coconut bra?
What is the biggest titty that can fit in a coconut?
I'm saying in 1960, when you looked at a girl in a coconut bra, you were doing boners.
A coconut's thicker than an actual shirt.
In 2024, you're not doing boners because we have Instagram.
Let's find one that could get us.
We don't need coconut bras.
You can't see the nipple through the coconut.
It was like when a flapper showed up.
Oh, look at the funny man.
See, this does nothing for me.
Wait.
It's a boob replacement.
Look up big tits.
That chaps.
What?
Yeah.
Look up big titties in a coconut brawl.
Yeah.
Safe search off.
Do you think the truck driver bros were ever cranking to the lady on the dashboard?
The coconut bra lady?
For sure.
Is that?
Oh.
Those are just coconuts in front of her bikini.
She's holding them up.
Yeah.
Wait, what was that headline?
Nurse?
Nurse who told colleagues huh told colleagues her breasts were like big coconuts giving the axe what why does she have to tell them how big
her breasts were we'll hire her they were right there wait that's not her though oh oh what's her
name he wait whoa Baratha Gamaj
struck off is that how you say fired
oh this is British
he also told how he would kill his daughter
if she brought an IG
that's the firework
that's the headline not the coconut bra
oh my god
they really buried that one.
Did sailors get naked women tattooed on their forearms to jerk off to?
Oh, yeah.
Is that why they're there?
Has to have been.
Well, your boy had to get one, and then you jerk off to that.
Your boys.
Yeah.
You jerk off to your boys.
Yeah.
You get one on the back.
A big naked woman on your back.
Yeah, back shots.
And then just hit it here, target.
So every sailor is looking at his next boy's back.
Yeah.
That's how Circle Jerk started.
Correct.
Okie-cokie.
Wait, Kyle, are you a good jar?
I'm not bad.
Phenomenally good with just a Bic pen.
Yeah, that shit was insane.
From memory.
I didn't know that.
When did that happen?
On the anus clips that have been flying around.
I surprise myself.
I'm not great.
Can I see?
I walked past. I can finally get. Can I see? I walked past.
I can finally get some faces to look like who the person is.
I walked past the green room upstairs, and Kyle was just in there drawing a picture of
ASAP Rocky from memory.
I was, that's, yeah.
I wanted to.
And I had to go grab Hank to film it.
How is that not true?
Can I see this clip?
Brandon can draw a house.
I can draw a house.
That's really good.
I doubt it.
A two-bedroom starter house.
That's all I can draw.
But I ask that, Kyle, because-
Moderately priced.
Yeah, well, not anymore with inflation.
Yeah.
If you were locked up, could you draw some fappable porn?
Could you draw some nice titties?
Absolutely.
Ooh, maybe that's our next book.
I drew an ass in ninth grade on a binder on the inside,
and I got hard in class while drawing it.
Could you draw a flip book that we could sell?
Maybe you spladdling all of us?
Whoa, a flip book porno.
Yeah, I want to get back into it.
That was like the most fun I've had.
I want to just lock down, lock in, and then just draw for hours.
Draw some horny shit.
Sounds like it's a terrible time to go on vacation.
Anus is an art podcast now.
We are just bringing a drawing every episode.
I like that.
It's good for the audio format.
I want to get horny from what you've composed.
Let's all draw something and get each other horny.
I can do horny shit, yeah.
Yeah, make us horny, Kyle.
I think prisoners do do that.
Oh, yeah.
Like, they sculpt...
Titties?
Like, paper mache? Women's backs, yeah. The backs. Oh, yeah. They sculpt titties? Like paper mache?
Women's backs, yeah.
Oh, so you can fuck it?
It looks like an ass sitting down.
Oh.
Hmm.
Kyle's just in there drawing a picture of
ASAP Rocky, and it's really fucking good.
What the fuck?
What the fuck? Dude, you're really good.
What was the inspiration for this?
Um, ASAP a rocky war.
But then I figured out like I'm not bad at drawing if I really pay attention to detail.
Now I'm like pumped about it and I just want to do ASAP Rocky.
Are you sure? Is this a sketch? Are you like drawing lines?
Yeah, like what?
Yeah, well I mean he's all over the internet.
No, that's insane.
That is crazy, Kyle.
Lift that up.
You don't even see it.
Yeah, he's always in the news with Rihanna.
You're a man of multitudes.
You really are.
A lot of secrets.
I am that dude.
Yeah, you are that dude.
You think that guys who draw anime porn are better artists or hornier?
Oh, better artists.
They're damn good at it, though.
They're damn good.
Or like animators who are animating a sketch of a big bosomed woman,
but animating the bounce of it?
That's a good question because they are
very horny if they're doing it from memory.
Yes.
But also extremely proficient if they're getting
it's so good that other guys are
jerking off. I think they're desensitized to it.
What's the bigger prerequisite
to crack into that industry?
Is that what you're saying?
Do you have to be super horny or do you have to be an incredible i'm not a great artist but i'm super horny and that's
gonna get me through you say you say that on your resume yeah like i'm a 10 out of 10 horn i think
they're just so horny they're not even that good at art until like you know how when you're the
horny you are the better you are at kissing and touching yeah that's true yeah you're a better
kisser when you're hornier everyone is is. And then it just makes you.
I don't know if better is the right word.
It's that you're willing to do it.
But a clinical kisser is not good.
But if you're horny.
No, I go in with surgical precision when I kiss.
You're like under the knife, under the scalpel.
No wasted movement.
No.
Preserve the energy.
Watch this.
Put your chin under this pillow by the way shout out Providence
I'm wearing the vest
Providence Twitter's the goat
the absolute goat
I'm wearing the vest
like the team's Twitter account
or just the community
they're the ones who gaslit Ed Cooley
into potentially retiring
she still might do based on The fans. They're the ones who gaslit Ed Cooley into potentially retiring.
Okay.
She still might do.
Based on evidence?
No, just everyone saying he's going to retire.
Why do you think he will?
Because everyone's saying he will.
Okay.
The resignation was trending for like two days straight.
Can I do 60 seconds on the state of college basketball real quick? Go ahead.
I'm depressed.
Just in general?
Oh, because of Wisconsin?
Well, just everyone.
Hey, I got one.
I got one.
I got one.
Greg guard more like Greg no guards.
Because they're all transferred out.
Good.
Wow.
No, I'm depressed.
It's finally come to the realization that it's just money.
Mm-hmm.
Yup.
Chucky Hepburn is not going to transfer.
This is what J. Bill has fought for.
Yeah, and someone offered him like $700,000,
and I don't blame him whatsoever.
Yeah, so you're anti-Portal.
No, I'm pro-Portal.
It's just...
Anti what it's doing to our favorite team.
It's depressing that it's literally just money now,
which, again, the players should do that.
Yeah.
But it sucks that it's like some guy who, like,
Chucky Hepburn has like three Bucky the Badger tattoos,
has been on the team for four years,
and then Louisville's or whoever's going to end up getting him is like,
oh, here's $700,000.
He's like, okay, cool.
It sucks that you're a fan of a team who's not going to be one of the spenders.
Right.
That's what sucks.
Although I think the spenders will stop spending eventually.
Eventually, but for right now, they're spending.
Right now.
Yeah, I think it will level up.
I don't even think the spenders like it.
The spenders are spending, but like last year, Kansas gets Hunter Dickinson,
and they weren't that good.
Kansas got stored now.
That was like a million bucks.
We're supposed to believe that they're going to be awesome.
We don't know that to be true.
What schools have the biggest endowments in all colleges?
The Ivies, right?
So why can't they just put massive players in?
They don't want to be seen as prioritizing sports.
No, they could.
If Harvard wanted to win the basketball national championship,
it would take less than five years.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, think about their alumni base.
Yeah.
They could just throw money at it and $49 billion.
Like they could be like to a five-star recruit,
they could be like, here's $15 million.
They could offer Dan Hurley $50 million a year to be the coach.
Yeah.
So are there any schools that are both a play like
is there any crossover the venn diagram of a great endowment but also uh well it's not
endowment it's the alumni base because they can't just use their endowment why it's the
alumni because they can't because they got to use they got to pretend it's nil yeah like texas
it's one of the great grifts in in all of world of finance. Wait, so could Elon Musk troll college sports and just give $100 million to a specific team?
Yeah, if he was just like, I'm going to make Western Michigan the best football team.
Yeah, that would be funny.
That would be awesome.
I would do that if I had his money.
I'd just pick a random, like we'd just do a wheel on the yak and be like, all right, who do you guys want to have the best football season?
Yeah.
For one year.
So that could happen if someone wanted to do that.
And they can use all that money.
Theoretically, yes.
These schools are just bathing in TV money.
These conferences are bathing in TV money.
It's coming in hand over fist.
But the people that fund the NIL are the fans.
That's bullshit.
That's where it will hopefully level out as
people will realize this is this is bullshit yeah but they won't because fans giving money
makes their team better that's all they want and if the team gets better they're going to
pour in more money and they'll keep getting better salary cap that's the only solution
but then you don't want i don't want to limit what a player can get either make the schools
pay for their own damn players
That's what should happen
But the NCAA has no leaders
And they just said
Fuck it y'all deal with it
They're leaderless
Sorry this is more than 60 seconds I apologize
I was into it
I'm having fun
I'm depressed at the lack
Not even lack
The public and prideful disinterest In this year's Olympic Games from this office.
I just don't think it's Olympic season yet.
It's not Olympic, yeah.
I'm very excited.
I'm excited.
That's boring.
I love that you'll have a video series that we're working on that we might be doing.
Okay.
We might be doing an inter-office Olympics.
But with beer.
I'm very excited.
Who's the best swimmer this year?
Who's the best runner this year?
Do we know?
Is Ledecky still going?
I want to be fed this information.
Biles is back.
Biles is back?
We're going to win basketball.
Where's Nassar?
Nassar's out.
I hated him. Okay, Biles back. We're going to win basketball. Nassar, where's Nassar? Yeah, we always win basketball. Nassar's out. Nassar's out.
Good.
Jail.
Good.
I hated him.
All right.
Hated him.
Who's our best runner?
Do we have a sprinter?
We have a woman with the name.
Sha'Carri? Sha'Carri?
Sha'Carri Richardson.
Yeah, yeah.
Look how progressive we are.
Oh, the weed head?
Yeah, the weed head.
There's like a diva 100-meter male runner, I think.
Oh, really?
We have a diva.
Okay, I didn't know.
And the wrestling trials are going on now.
And this is...
Kyle just wanted us to talk about it.
We fell for the fucking crap.
What a segue.
These are the best matchups ever.
You had them loaded on your phone?
These weight classes are so loaded.
Guys, let's talk Olympics.
Then we'll get to wrestling.
So they whittle it down to six weight classes from 10 in college. Oh, no. They're so loaded. Guys, let's talk Olympics. Then we'll get to wrestling. So they whittle it down to six-way classes
from 10 in college
and they're so stacked.
There's like five guys
per way to deserve it.
No, that wasn't an invite.
Oh, it's at Penn State.
What's your favorite
Olympic sport to watch
when the Olympics are on
but you will never,
ever watch it
any other time?
Burling.
Men's volleyball.
Those guys are...
No, they're so good.
Yeah.
They're so good.
Javelin? What? I like diving. Yeah, that's a good so good Javelin?
I like diving
Javelin?
That little pool they go to afterwards
That washes the stuff off of them
The hot tub
You can see their penises
You guys see Bert Kreischer's bird?
Yeah it's shaped like a
Fritos, a Tostitos scoop
What is he doing?
It was just his dick.
Yeah.
No, he posted his whole dick online on his Twitter and Instagram.
That's fucking lit.
Why?
It's behind a bathing suit.
But like this very light blue bathing suit.
Nothing is left to the imagination.
You see the twist of it.
If he was smart, he should have put a QR code on that.
Oh, yeah.
That would have been the way to do it, because I zoomed in.
Oh, yeah. Everyone zoomed in. I immediately you show it tj um it's behind it you can't i mean
it's i have to he posted it on instagram you have to see yeah you could zoom in you could really
oh that's just okay no but if you zoom in it's just you can see the head every dimension of it
you could probably find the volume of it by the dimensions.
He's just jacked up on TRT.
Physique improving.
Well, he's doing steroids.
Not as funny than when he has a belly.
That's funny.
Bellies are funny.
He needs to gain the belly.
He needs to start taking his pants off and leaving his shirt on.
Ooh.
Poo bear.
Yeah, poo.
Penis.
He's got to poo it.
With the penis out.
He's got to poo it up.
But I didn't mean to take us off the olympics
i want to get excited as well are are any of the ufc is like bow nickel wrestling or are they
yeah do we have do we have any stories of uh sport crossover like tim tebow trying to
join the luge team or there's oh yeah lolo jones yeah lolo there's flag football this year dude
lolo jones got way too much credit for just sucking at all the sports.
Everything, yeah.
She was like, oh, I'm going to do this.
She was bad at that.
She was a virgin.
Yeah, she was a virgin.
But she never won shit, right?
What was her original sport?
Track, right?
Did she win?
She came close one time.
Yeah, she came close for sure.
But she did a really good job of just switching it up.
Where it was like, oh yeah, track star Lolo Jones is going to do the luge.
Do y'all want to pick another country for the Yak to root for outside of the United States?
Like a second country that we can root for?
Where everybody gets a country?
China?
No, just a small country.
Oh, what if we do a country and whoever has the least amount of medals has to go to it?
I like that.
Like Iran.
Yeah, like Iran.
That's a good one.
We should all be assigned a sport and we have to become experts by the time the Olympics start.
I would do that.
Oh, I would do that.
Or play like a fantasy league of players in different sports.
You're drafting players.
You're rooting for.
We got the next Olympics.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, LA.
Yeah.
I like that where we do a sport.
Yeah, and everyone becomes a true expert on it.
Yeah, we'll do that.
I really have to do it.
You have to know exactly what the medal race is going to look like.
Learn about the players and give everybody a recap.
The contenders, all of it.
Can you bet on that?
Pretenders.
You bet on that?
Yeah, you can bet on that.
You can't learn contenders without learning pretenders.
That's right.
That'd be crazy.
No, you could stop at contenders.
Yeah, but buried inside contenders, that's where the Pretenders live.
What's a Pretenders song?
I would walk five miles.
No, that's the Proclaimers.
That's the Proclaimers.
The Pretenders is the Friends theme song.
Millions of peaches.
No, that's God.
Peaches for free.
No.
Millions of peaches.
Presidency of the United States of America.
What is Pretenders?
I Will Stand By You?
I Will Stand By You. No, no, no, I will stand by you. I will stand by you.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
When the rain starts to pour.
I will stand.
Oh, no.
It was slow.
No, no, no.
Rocket Man.
That's Rocket Man.
Burning out a fuse of parallel.
That's Rocket Man.
Whippet.
With a pretender singing Rocket Man.
Devo did Whippet. Oh, you get what you give. Yes. That's the new radicals. That's the new radical Whip it? That's Devo. Devo did Whip It.
Oh, you get what you give.
Yes.
That's the new radicals.
That's the new radicals.
Pretenders.
What's the song, Brandon?
I said it.
Pretender saying I will stand by you.
No, that's Della Mitri.
No, that's Roll to Me.
At a minute. At a minute 38 seconds
The shortest song
Shortest song what?
That's not just the shortest song
The shortest song to ever
The highest charting shortest song
That doesn't make sense
That's two measuring sticks
That's incoherent
What you just said is incoherent
It might be the highest charting song.
Time, time.
Isn't that Blur's song five?
No, no, no.
I think it's the shortest top 40 song.
That's the same guy from the Gorillaz.
Yes, that's true.
That's a gorilla.
Woo-hoo-ing.
God, we know tunes.
So we never did figure out what the Pretenders
We did
They didn't have a song
Damn
So
They actually
That was the name
They're like
They're the Pretenders
They don't have any songs
They don't have any songs
Oh the Foo Fighters
Sing that song
The Pretender
Oh yeah
Foo Fighters are the Pretenders
You're the pretender.
Yep.
Never surrender.
Did Tal Bachman sing at your wedding, Brandon?
He did.
That's crazy.
Who?
Tal Bachman.
Saying she's so high.
She's so high.
Like Aphrodite, yeah.
How much did you spend on that?
It wasn't much.
It was only $7,500.
That's crazy. Yeah. That's cool like $7,500. That's crazy.
Yeah.
That's cool.
$7,500.
That was all he did?
No, it was $7,500 to procure him, but I had to fly him in.
That cost a lot more.
Wait, she only sang one song?
We only needed one song, and it's a he.
It was only one song.
Oh.
Yeah.
Cleopatra.
She came in and just sang one song.
No, no.
Once he sang She's So High.
Women.
Yeah, and then afterwards we had somebody else sing at the reception. That's cool. Tal Bachman just sang one song. He sang She's So High. Women.
Yeah.
And then afterwards we had somebody else sing at the reception.
That's cool. Tal Bachman just sang at the wedding.
I was in deep talks to have Remy Wolf sing at my wedding.
Whoa.
Who's Remy Wolf?
She's really good.
Photo ID?
Is that the girl with the ass?
She does have an ass, but I don't think she's best known for it.
Oh, that's Remy LaCroix?
Yeah, that's La La.
You have an ass, Remy? Yeah, I think she's the ass, Remy. There's also Remy LaCroix? Yeah, that's Lala. You have an ass, Remy?
Yeah, I think she's the ass, Remy.
It's also Remy Martin.
That's a drink, right?
No, Arizona State.
Yeah.
That's also a drink.
National champion.
Right?
Yeah.
Okay.
Interesting stuff.
Good stuff.
A little pop culture recap.
Yeah, that was our pop culture minute.
My thighs are jiggly.
That's gross.
How many strands of that would it take to cover up your entire dick?
We're there.
Yeah, but could you take some away?
Yeah.
Oh, bummer.
I actually wonder how...
I think I could go...
Yeah, let's all figure out our strand count.
I think I'm eight.
Let's figure out Kreischer's strand count.
I gotta be honest.
I don't need many strands right now.
It's kind of...
No, I think I could do this.
What you got?
Three.
Three strand Dan.
Yeah, three strand Dan.
That's what they call me.
Hmm.
Titus needs another lube. Yeah, I don't think there's enough they call me. Titus needs another luau.
I don't think there's enough anymore.
You think anybody in a grass skirt's ever been depressed?
Yes.
Yeah, if that's all they could afford.
Yeah, and also, if you're in a grass skirt,
you're probably being paid to do a luau in front of a bunch of line.
Howly. Haole.
Haole.
I think there's a pretty high depression rate in Hawaii.
Really?
Insane amount of homeless, no?
Is it because they're never going to get off the island?
What is it?
I think that it's the crazy influx of haoles
and how their land has been stolen from them.
I think there's a pretty big independence independence for hawaii movement among the hawaiians yeah oh by the way kb i forgot uh
actually good you're not going to maui forgot about the fire is your flight today yeah and
everyone's saying hawaii was better than maui oh okay yeah all right well actually i'm gonna take
that back then you're an idiot we got some good dudes who listen to this show,
taking large chunks out of their day to give me lists and lists of recommendations.
Yeah.
Or they're just shitty dudes who love lists.
Yep.
No, there's a ton of people that sent me Rome info as well,
and they saved me at the Boston airport.
They said take the shuttle.
Don't leave to go to the other terminal because they make you go back through security.
They're handing out hacks.
You got hacks?
Lists, or like they're taking a lot of time.
How can you tell it's a lot of time?
The word count.
But they could have already written that.
Maybe, yeah.
They could have a list on Jack.
But at some point they had to use time to make that list.
What kind of vacation are we looking at here?
Are we active?
We hike in? We sightsee no learning the luau was actually
the most depressing part i want you to actively not learn so i don't so someone tries to tell
you something oh no i don't that's not this type of vacation. So there's going to be a lot of chilling involved?
Yeah.
A lot of relaxing. I want to, like, you know.
Are you going to lie in a hammock?
Be in the sun, be on the beach, be in the water.
What are you looking at?
I have to watch these matches.
Yeah, man.
That was our fault.
We brought up wrestling.
Yeah, right.
We shouldn't have.
Are people sending you shit?
No, it's live on Peacock.
Oh. Can we get it in, like have. Are people sending you shit? Nah, it's live on Peacock. Oh.
Can we get it in a lower third or some shit?
Oh, so that whole conversation literally was just so you could watch these.
This is one match.
This high school sophomore is taking on an Olympian.
He's beating him four to two.
Wait, that kid?
Since we brought up wrestling.
There's two of them.
Go ahead and watch.
What's his name?
You guys don't understand the gravity of this.
He's got a cool name, right?
Jax Forrest and Bo Bassett.
This is Jax Forrest.
He's beating Thomas Gilman, Olympic medalist.
He's a sophomore in high school.
Wow.
Where's he from?
From North Carolina, goes to school in Johnstown, PA.
You think there's ever been a Fugman in the Olympics?
There will be.
Mark my fucking words, there will be.
That will be one of the greatest
Family lineages of all time
Before all is said and done
The Fugman-Bennetts
They'll be like the Caesars
Yeah
Vanderbilt's
Kennedy's
Did she give up her name?
That's a good question
When did I
Did she just go straight to Fugman?
Yeah she might have just hopped
She might have never used the
She might have never gone back
Right
Did not pass go She didn't pass go She didn't pass go She selected her at Fugman She might have just hopped. She might have never gone back. Right.
Do not pass go.
She didn't pass go. Straight to Fugman.
Selected her at Fugman.
Nice.
Just collect your...
Go straight to Fugman.
Straight to Fugman.
It will be like Genghis Khan, though.
Yes.
There will be millions of descendants...
Of Fugmans.
Of the Fugman.
Of the content kin, Fugman.
Can't wait to see their Xanadu.
Yeah, true.
What's Xanadu? I think that was
Ku Black Han's home. That's a tape measure
I believe. And an Olivia Newton John.
Don't know why he has it. I wish we yo-yoed more.
It should have been, it should
still be huge. Yo-yoing.
I disagree.
I think you pick up a yo-yo, you do it three or four
times and you've done it. Sounds like you don't know how to yo've done it I don't know how to yo-yo that's the problem
you can't do shit
you can walk the dog?
I bet you had a fucking yo-mega with a brain
I go around the world
I walk the dog
cats in a cradle
y'all are all talking a yo-yo game you cannot back up
alright I'll buy some yo-yos and do it on Monday
what's the good one?
Dunkin or yo-mega
just don't buy a butterfly that's your grandfather buy some yo-yos and do it on Monday. What's the good one? Dunkin' or Yo-Mega.
Just don't buy a butterfly.
That's your grandfather's fucking yo-yo.
Ron, who signed your hat?
We had Diablo, too.
Oh, what, the fire sticks or whatever? The Chinese yo-yo?
That shit's fun.
I could do that.
All right, wait, Dunkin' yo-yo?
Which one's that, TJ?
Who are these motherfuckers?
One of those boys has his t-shirts tucked into his denim.
His t-shirt is tucked right into his pants.
Yeah, what is this guy? He's a trooper or a farmer.
That's a farmer. Nobody's even walking around.
That's a farmer, yeah. That's a farmer.
He's a farmer in the big city.
You farm.
Are you a farmer? Do you farm?
You farm twice. What do you do for a living?
We're lighting for a living? Yeah.
Touch grass? Okay, that's farming.
He doesn't touch grass.
We were right.
Sod?
Did he just clap back?
Did he do that?
Oh, is that like a...
He had that loaded up.
He kind of owned me.
Touch...
Is he a lawn care guy?
Like Scots?
That's what I thought.
Could be a Scots.
Touch grass.
Those are a bunch of Scots.
Nobody's walking them around.
They're just doing it themselves?
That's Gino, brother.
Wait, I don't see...
Oh, that right there.
Gino for Nino. Damn. Is that just Gino, brother. Oh, that right there.
Is that just Gino's boys?
Oh, wait. Are they touching the grass?
They're touching grass.
Oh, he was being literal with us. Yeah, but he's a goofy guy.
Alright, I'm buying yo-yos.
By the way,
I
on Amazon the other day, I was just
I bought something and then for some reason
something else popped up and yadaada, yada, yada.
We're going to have like 200 bottles of the little apple juices.
We've got to figure out what to do with it.
Has Amazon ever contacted you and be like, are you okay?
What's your problem?
Yeah.
Yeah, the little grenade apples.
Those are the best.
Oh, yeah.
I'll have to do something with them.
Yeah.
Marinelli's?
Martinelli's.
Yeah, Martinelli's.
Corner of the market.
What's it called?
What's your thing called, TJ?
Fire sticks?
Chinese yo-yo.
Chinese yo-yo.
What's the difference in a Chinese yo-yo?
Oh, you're talking about the Diablo.
That shit is awesome.
Chinese yo-yo.
The cellist?
Hey.
Yo-yo Ma's cousin, little nepotist.
That's from School of Rock's soundtrack.
Look at that.
All right, what am I looking at here?
Chinese Yo-Yo.
You never seen this?
Damn, he throws that shit so high.
He just keeps saying Chinese Yo-Yo.
But that is not his.
I know, but how are they doing that? That's not that closely related to our yo-yo.
It's two sticks with a long string.
Yeah, you can't even call that a yo-yo.
That is not that closely enough to our yo-yo.
You can throw Chinese in front of any common thing
and it's a completely different thing.
Yeah, like Chinese checkers and checkers.
It's not that similar at all, brother.
We're Chinese finger trap.
That's nothing like our finger trap.
Our finger traps are crazy.
They're pretty...
We have normal finger traps.
What's your finger trap ranking?
I think ours is crazier.
That's really impossible to get out.
What's your ranking of fly traps, planetary-wise?
Oh, Tasmanian.
Tasmanian's up there.
What planet has the best fly traps?
Can you purchase a Venus fly trap?
Damn.
Tasmanian isn't a flytrap.
That's a devil.
That's a devil.
That is a devil.
Venus flytrap seems so cool when you were a kid.
The devil's making plans.
You're just going to
fucking eat everything.
You just put your finger there
and it's going to
digest itself when it closes.
There's a video of a slug
escaping from one
and it kind of...
I didn't like it
because I didn't want the slug
to get...
It demystified it? It demystified it. Like people like people can bugs can get out of this thing yeah that's from
a slug yeah killable thing a slug went dead into it and you think it's done and the slug just i was
led to believe it was like a bear trap yeah just like touch that snapshot yeah we're big on uh
bugs in my house right now my son's like scared that bugs are going to come and get him in the middle of the night. Cicada summer.
It's like the double cicada.
I'm excited about that. It's both types.
It's going to be double. The highest ranking
for this song. That sucks. It happens
very rarely. You hear that noise?
No, it doesn't. It happens every year.
The one in Mississippi
is every 13 years and it's happening
this year. It happened the year I graduated high school
and we graduated and you can hear on the videotape.
Oh, so this is just nostalgia for you.
It is, yeah.
You lost your virginity to cicadas.
Oh, no.
I said the year I graduated high school.
Oh, okay.
That's cicadas.
I didn't lose my virginity until nine years later.
Idiot.
That's known.
Did you guys have stink bugs?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we just rolled with that.
What happened to fireflies?
I feel like those guys don't.
No, they're around.
Oh, you got it.
They're around.
You got to go out to the sticks.
You guys fuck with roly-polies?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I can talk bugs all day long.
Yeah.
I'm about done.
I'm about tapped.
Prey and mantises.
Prey and mantises are the coolest animals we have.
They're incredible.
I told my son I would kill any bug that came into his room.
Don't do that.
What if a ladybug came?
Well, he got me.
He was just like, well, what if a butterfly comes in here i was like fuck you gotta squash it it's like
i'm not gonna kill a butterfly i think a butterfly rises above being called a bug brandon hey congrats
on the two new housemates thank you man i appreciate that daryl and cheryl are you worried
about their behavior yes i don't know how to how they behave what are you talking about it was
caitlin had to stand on guard
to make sure they didn't kill themselves
because they were acting suicidal.
What are you talking about? I have birds.
Brandon has birds now. He has two parrots.
Parakeets. Yep. They're here.
You walked right past them when you came in.
Oh, I was trying to feed them. Go get them, Brandon.
Some jalapenos yesterday. Go get them.
Yeah, you were trying to feed my birds. Wait, the birds are here?
Yeah. Go get them. Why don't you letenos. Wait, the birds are here? Yeah.
Go get them.
Man, why don't you let them out?
I love birds.
I love birds.
Caging a bird is the most cruel thing that you can do. Yeah, the bird wants some freedom.
If I go get birds, y'all aren't going to fuck with them, right?
No.
I'm taking them to Tommy already knows.
Is letting them out fucking with them?
No, it's actually the most humane thing.
We're not letting the birds out.
We have to.
No, we can't because Tommy knows they're coming.
If they get away and we... All right, go get them. We'll assess the situation. No, no. Get the birds. letting the birds out. We have to. No, we can't because Tommy knows they're coming. If they get away. All right, go get them.
We'll assess the situation.
No, no.
Get the birds.
Get the birds.
Go get the birds.
This is Tommy you're messing with.
Go get the birds.
What do you mean?
We're not going to fuck with the birds.
Would you get a cat and just leave it in a box?
$20.
$20 birds.
Sorry.
It's the truth.
This guy's watching wrestling as he's like, I'm going to kill this bird.
All right.
By the way, BetterHelp.
Yak is sponsored by BetterHelp.
It can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin,
especially with social gatherings picking up after the winter.
What's the right amount of socializing for you?
And how do you recharge?
Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need some more alone time.
Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery if you're thinking of starting therapy give better help a try
it's entirely online designed to be convenient flexible and suited to your schedule just fill
out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime
for no additional charge find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp.
I'm fighting the hiccups.
Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp.
Visit BetterHelp.com slash yak today to get 10% off your first month.
That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash yak.
How's everyone's movie going to turn out?
That's a good question.
Who's team one?
We'll find out on Friday.
Oh, me.
Like team number one?
Team number one.
That's me.
Are you guys embezzling?
Yeah.
We had a $5,000 budget.
We spent $125.
We're going to do a $4,800 dinner.
Money.
Nice.
We're kind of in the same boat.
We spent basically $ dollars five thousand dollars
was too much money way too much yeah but you guys are embezzling it did you guys ever think about
doing like a brewster's million with five thousand dollars what's that like having brewster's million
was a movie where he had him he got inherited a million dollars but he had to spend it in 30 days
with no assets oh that's cool brandon can
you help me out bruce there's millions yeah can they eat almonds no they can't eat almonds can
they eat hawaiian pizza hawaiian pizza surely i like surely a lot all right just let them out
first you need to get a bigger don't let the birds out i do i'm gonna buy a bigger cage tomorrow i'm
gonna go to the pet store which one's cheryl uh cheryl's the one the blue one she was acting
awful when...
Yeah.
Oh, they are suicidal.
They're not suicidal.
They're chilling.
They're chilling.
Wait, not an almond, Roan.
Cheryl's the...
No.
Oh, don't give me an almond.
No, they're a lot better now that they're together.
Yeah.
They're seasoned nuts.
They don't eat seasoned nuts.
What are those?
What are...
Those are not...
That's bird seed.
Seeds and nuts.
They can for sure eat...
TJ, can parakeets eat cantaloupe?
Can you just take one out so I can hold it?
No.
Why take it out?
I want to hold it.
Wait, guys.
If I go home and I can't give these birds to Tommy.
Nuts from our city.
What do you think he's going to do when you bring that cage to him?
He's going to be very excited.
Birds love nuts.
What's he going to do with the bird?
Take him out.
It says birds love nuts.
Yeah, you can absolutely give it to him.
That's a spice.
That has stuff.
It doesn't.
Look.
Those spiced almonds don't exist in the wild.
No.
No.
No.
I vote no.
Google says right there.
You feed them.
This is from a confectioner.
All right.
Don't feed it.
This is confection.
You know what?
You know what?
Don't feed your birds.
This is confection.
You're right.
You're right.
Starve your birds.
That's a confection, not just a raw nut.
Hungry bird is a great bird.
Now, hungry birds run faster.
You can give it a whole pizza pizza.
Yeah, that is actually something they find in the wild all the time.
Yeah, put that through the grate.
Pizza pizza.
Just know.
Just finish the thought.
All right, fine.
All right.
Hi, birds.
Now they're going to see Roan eating the pizza, their pizza,
and they're going to want to kill themselves.
Just give me a piece of pineapple.
I'll get the pineapple.
No, that's bad for birds.
How?
Really bad.
Why?
I don't know.
Where do parakeets?
Actually do it because then Daryl's cum will taste
good that's right when you get sucked off oh it's very they they don't most birds fuck in the air
it's violent fucking very fast right they they transmit a load it's not judge speed depends on
how the bird looks they just just fucked. That's sick.
Not all birds.
Did you guys know any falconers?
I don't know any falconers.
I just love that he's just chiming in while watching this wrestling match.
Every Medieval Times has a falconer.
Do we know any falconers?
Like dudes who are into falconry.
You just want to say you killed my bird like LL Cool J in Deep Blue Sea.
There was a guy at the hotel I was staying at on vacation that was just showing up with a falconry. You just want to say you killed my bird like LL Cool J in Deep Blue Sea. There was a guy at the hotel I was staying at
on vacation that was just showing
up with a falcon. Really?
I took a picture of him. I love falcons.
He was like blind in his
eyes though. Oh, the falcon did it?
Did you blind the whole eye or was it just like a
horse? The guy or the falcon? The falcon.
Oh. I thought the guy was blind.
It's like a leather hood, right?
Yeah, it just feels like torture. The bird can't fly. Oh. I thought the guy was blind. It's like a leather hood, right? Random woodpecker.
Yeah, it just feels like torture.
Like the bird can't fly, you can't see.
Yeah, and now this is bad karma that you're putting this on us.
We should probably let these birds out.
I think woodpeckers are cooler birds than they get credit for.
Woodpeckers are annoying.
No, they're very cool.
When I hear that noise, I think, wow, I'm in the woods.
That's awesome.
I like a woodpecker.
Love a woodpecker. Love a woodpecker.
And they're cool looking.
I don't think you know what you're saying.
And they're cool looking.
You ever seen a good woodpecker?
Are they multicolored?
Yeah, they're red, white, and blue.
They're not red, white, and blue.
They're red and white.
Are you thinking of a bald eagle? There are absolutely red, white, and blue woodpeckers.
What cereal was Woody Woodpecker the mascot for?
He wasn't.
He was with Billy.
That's not red, white, and blue?
That's red, white, and black.
That shit's goofy.
No.
That motherfucker, to eat, he just goes to a tree, makes his own hole, and then sucks
Now, Blue Jays are sick.
Blue Jays aren't better than...
Orioles.
Orioles are cool, too.
Never see orioles.
Hummingbirds.
No, that's a bird.
Nah.
Hardly.
You're fucking showing off.
I'm buying Mama.
That's what I'm getting for Mother's Day.
I'm getting one of those hummingbird feeder cameras.
That's a terrible gift.
I'm going to get her, too.
That is a great gift.
My mother will love that gift.
A hummingbird?
Have you seen the...
A hummingbird feeder camera.
Oh, I think youmingbird A hummingbird feeder camera With a Oh
They sell those hats
With like the long bills
And then you can put like
Bird feeders at the end of them
Yeah Nick has one
Nick has a long billed hat
Whoa
Birds are very smart
Condor
Is that a vulture?
TJ went to the zoo
I saw one this weekend
He's been wanting to talk condors
Condor
Of that size?
Dude they just stand
Like this They just They stand there and they go full
full wingspan and look at each other it's awesome they just stand there and do nothing for like an
nba draft prospect it's like playing zone defense these guys are beautiful man they need to have a
little bit more fun you think jim boeheim ever thought about getting a condor i bet he did
it's not i don't know why Caitlin left it like this.
She took her ass to Mississippi
and now I'm sitting here with an unattached
birdcage.
She took her ass to Mississippi. What if we close this?
No, we'll never
get them. Put it in the studio.
We'll never get them. Let them out in the studio.
Yeah.
Come on, Brandon. You gotta close the doors.
You gotta close the doors. Yeah. Come on, Brandon. You got to close the doors. You got to close the doors.
No, I don't.
Why do I have to close the doors?
You're the one who's going to let him out.
They're your birds.
So here's what's going to happen.
You and Roan are leaving at 115.
Y'all are just going to up and leave,
and then it's just going to be up to me to chase the birds.
You're going to be late to McGraw.
You were relying on me and Roan to get the birds?
Roan seems like a bird.
I'm anti-letting them out.
Oh.
I'm pro just constantly telling Brandon he should let them out.
Oh.
Big difference.
I just want that very clear.
You're doing it.
I hate that.
No, I'm not going to do it.
Let them get acclimated.
They are chilling.
Yeah, they're thinking about fucking killing.
They're a little bit more chill than they were yesterday.
Are you going put like a um
blanket over them
does that calm them down
there was a blanket over them this morning when I got here
that's how they sleep
but do they sleep just standing on this grate
shouldn't there be like a little nest in there
there's that
that thing fell
the little rod fell
see it's right there
so I gotta do some maintenance oh so they're uncomfortable right now That thing fell. The little rod fell. See, it's right there.
So I got to do some maintenance.
Oh, so they're uncomfortable right now.
Probably.
Get a real big... I'm going to get a big cage.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to get a big cage.
How big?
I want these things in paradise, man.
Yeah, I'm going to get them like a five foot cage.
Have they sung?
Hello.
They were singing during mostly sports.
We heard them.
Didn't we?
Yeah, that's right. No, I was just whistling. I were singing during mostly sports. We heard them. Didn't we? Yeah, yeah, that's right.
No, I was just whistling.
I know why the cage birds.
Damn, I think I love birds, dude.
Can they talk?
I'm in eighth grade.
You should watch Birdcage with your kids.
No.
Teach them something.
That's Robin Williams.
Teach them how to say something, Brandon.
My kids?
The parakeet.
What do you want me to teach them to say?
I don't know.
Why? Yeah, why? That parakeet. What do you want me to teach them to say? I don't know. Why?
Yeah, why?
That'd be awesome.
Yeah, that would be sick if the bird just said, why?
Oh, they're just looking at each other.
Does a parrot in Alabama have an accent?
Oh, they're kissing.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
They just kissed.
They're so cute.
Wait, they are.
They are cute.
They're in love.
Who won that match?
There's so many matches.
Spencer Lee won.
Gilman won.
What about the match with Skillman?
Dayton Fix won.
Skillman and Bo Bice.
Forrest lost 5-4, the high school saw.
Bo Bice?
Yeah, Bo Bice.
What place did Bo Bice finish in American Idol?
Is he the most famous lowest?
The most famous lowest, right?
That's Young. William Young.
William Young, yeah.
Oh, they did just talk.
Jennifer Hudson finished low, didn't she?
He's lost to Carrie Underwood.
Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson were both like
sixth or seventh, I think.
That was Bucky Covington's season. That's my guy.
When he sang Simple Man.
He's kind of looking at me.
I don't like it.
Hi.
Do you want me to take him out?
No, I might have to punch this bird.
Why isn't Connor sitting at Connor's Corner?
Connor's Bistro?
I thought it was Connor's Corner.
Bistro.
No, it's his Bistro.
Oh, he's right there today.
Okay, that was that way.
What was that way?
I don't know.
Che's not here, so usually when he's not here,
I fill in to his seat and cut clips,
and it's easier to cut clips over here than it is at the bistro.
So you're Che today?
In a way, maybe.
All right, well, let's talk eating pussy.
Oh, brother.
Brother.
Brandon, you don't want to do this.
Oh, God damn it. That's true. Oh, brother. I'm the brother. Brandon, you don't want to do this. Oh, God damn it.
That's true.
Oh, brother.
You don't want to do this.
TJ, you want to spin the wheel?
Because Ronan and I do have to leave soon.
Rough and Rowdy, by the way, tonight is going to be incredible.
It always is.
Did you see any of the weigh-in drama?
So awesome.
Of that 6 six nine dude yeah
shoving it took like 18 people to stop him it was like mystic river-esque and so we have 23
fights tonight it's all new which i think is going to be incredible because one when you have new
guys who have not boxed there's probably gonna be to be more knockouts. Yes. Because usually the guys who've done it a bunch know the tricks.
Yeah.
And then, too, we're just going to get some wild new characters.
Like the first time.
Remember when we found out the Abel Brothers?
We're going to find a new Abel Brothers.
There's going to be a few new characters that come out of this.
Yes.
Regulars, even.
Yes.
They're in Clarksburg, Kyle.
Clarksburg.
Omegimbo.
Tenth biggest city in West Virginia
Yeah with only like fucking 15,000
Yeah probably right
Right below Beckley
Is it at the armory?
Yeah
I love it at an armory
They can't separate You want to be professional? Yeah, I do want to fucking try. Yeah, I do want to fucking try.
They can't separate all this shit. You're on the ground already, you fat fuck.
You're on the ground already.
You want to touch me?
Yeah, but he fell down.
You want to touch me and not be professional?
I'm going to fucking kill you.
Oh, no.
Guy's still on the ground looking up at him.
If you get to the second round, you're going to be fucking dead.
You hear me?
You fucking hear me?
That's going to be a good one. That's going to be a good one.
That's going to be a good one. Yeah, so buy
rnr.com. Please do buy.
I'm rooting for the fat guy.
No, dude. You're going to be on the wrong side
of history. Really? Okay. I mean, that
guy, he was sitting on the ground
looking up at him. But he fell because of his
fatness. He didn't fall because of his fatness. But he didn't get up, though.
He stayed down because of his fatness, too. Yeah, but if
he had gotten knocked down, you get up immediately
but he knew that. Also, the fat guy was just trying
to have some cheeky fun. Just kind of throwing his belly
out a little bit. That's all he was doing.
That guy, the reaction went too far
too fast. From the biker?
Is that what we're calling him? I mean, did you see the
vest he was in? That's like a pagan, like
he's in a biker gang somehow.
Which means he's fucking people up, probably stabbing
people. Oh, he's going to win.
But I see your point, Brandon.
Maybe you'd cheer for the underdog.
Yeah.
I got a brand new suit, too.
And maybe some shoes I'm thinking about doing.
What kind?
They kind of actually look like Dorothy's shoes.
Red?
Yeah.
I can picture those real easy.
Yeah.
They're high heels as well.
What the hell?
Very cool.
I haven't decided.
I'll show them to you, Rowan, when we get in the car.
Might as well wear them.
I don't know.
What's the downside?
You gotta wear them now.
I'm not that guy, pal.
You're not that gauche?
I'm not that guy, pal.
Yeah, TJ, spin the wheel just so Rowan and I...
If we need to get wet, we'll get wet.
At Rough and Rowdy, you can be whoever you want.
That's true.
Wow. Oh. Oh, we'll get wet. At Rough and Rowdy, you can be whoever you want. That's true. Wow.
Oh, no. Oh!
That's not bad.
I thought we got rid of this. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Oh!
Feels like
the first time together.
Birds are on the wheel.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Put them on, TJ, Cheryl and Daryl.
It just nodded yes.
Put them on.
Wait, who's who?
Blue is?
Daryl.
Daryl.
Yeah, Cheryl was here yesterday.
No, no, blue was here yesterday. That's Cheryl. That's not true. It was green that Daryl. Yeah, Cheryl was here yesterday. No, no, blue was here yesterday.
That's Cheryl.
That's not true.
It was green that was here yesterday?
Yeah, green was here.
Okay.
That's not green.
That's yellow.
That's tennis ball yellow.
They're screaming.
They love each other.
Chartreuse.
Are tennis balls yellow or green?
Yes.
Oh, let's not do this.
Let's not be conscious.
Oh, no.
Okay.
Well, we got one for mostly if y'all want to get in a fight.
What?
Watch us settle it with diplomacy and get the answer.
Okay, Connor Griffin.
I'm getting told I'm wrong about this, and I didn't know I was wrong about this until today.
Well, don't tell us which side anyone's on.
Okay.
Do these two words rhyme?
I'll write them on the screen.
Yes.
Do these two words rhyme?
Ron will decide this in a second.
No, but not like...
I'll be the King Solomon of this.
Yeah, but be very fair about it.
Don't just... Because Eminem can rhyme a lot of words.
Chop the words in half long ways.
Is that what King Solomon did?
He wanted to chop the boy in half?
Or he offered to.
The N word?
Tor. Four.
Those the two?
Yes. Certainly do.
They absolutely don't. What are y'all doing?
Four and four.
Tour.
Four.
That's two different sounds.
Tour.
Four.
That's two different sounds.
No.
Tour.
PGA Tour.
One, two, three, four.
This was one of the stupidest arguments I've ever been in my life.
And we're getting told we're wrong.
TJ, you're saying they do rhyme.
You're very wrong.
You're very wrong.
Titus and Brandon don't think it rhymes.
And the internet is on their side. You're very wrong. It rhymes. Titus and Brandon don't think it rhymes. It's a tour.
The internet is on their side.
That's right.
It's not like a –
Well, these are –
Tour.
Mark, it's impossible to try to explain to these guys.
Tour.
Tour.
They'll never –
They don't get it.
They don't get it.
It's a regional –
They never do.
The word tour is a regional –
It's tour.
Tour.
More like – Tour. That rhymes with sewer before four. Correct. Right. The word tour is a regional. It's tour. Tour. More like.
Tour.
That rhymes with sewer before four.
Correct.
Right.
Yes.
Right.
Thank you.
I'm on a world tour.
Do you want more?
Yeah, but that.
That's Jay-Z.
Yeah.
So Connor and TJ tried to play that card.
I pointed out that T-Pain rhymed Wisconsin with mansion.
Yeah, it rhymes.
So say. But he did what with them? He did what with-Pain rhymed Wisconsin with mansion. Yeah, it rhymes. So saying...
But he did what with them?
He did what with them?
He rhymed them.
No, yeah, he rhymed them.
Near rhyme.
So what I'm saying is
using song to prove your point
isn't exactly right.
It's not exactly right.
And they were manipulating phonemes.
No.
What did you just say?
Phonemes.
Homophones.
Right away you said it like that, brother.
Stop.
Ew.
How am I?
Yeah.
You don't want to rope?
Spread those legs.
I guess you gotta.
Yowza.
Sharon Stone us, my brother.
I got lucky today was grass skirt day.
Can you, TJ, can we see if these birds are going to die on the mousetrap?
I don't think they'd die. They'd be hurt and then die.
It'd be painful?
Yeah. They'd be hurt for about a day.
Cheryl and Daryl on the mousetrap.
If it lands on them
I'm going to take them and run away and never come back.
Save their lives.
I think the wheel will be just.
I think it's going to be like the prestige.
I think the wheel will be just. I think it's going to be like the prestige. I think the wheel will be just.
I don't think there's any chance
they're going to kill these.
I'll actually say this right now.
Brandon, you could
take it and
eliminate both.
Wait, do we have the airsoft gun?
Brandon, we could make Cheryl and Daryl your name.
No, I've already been eliminated.
I know, but if you want to save them.
No, I'm going to make you guys go through the motions of putting these fucking birds on a mousetrap.
I'm going to make you guys publicly do that in front of everybody.
They're both still on there.
Yikes.
Uh-oh.
I'll save you guys.
Don't worry.
Also.
Look, they're quivering.
Why don't you show them?
Oh, look at Daryl.
This thing was off the wheel until you came in here.
You sky dove in here.
You sky dived in here.
You sky div in in here.
And you just dropped mousetrap back on the wheel and then you left.
Did Daryl go off?
Daryl went off.
Okay, good.
He was my favorite.
Keep cussing me out.
It's helping.
TJ, are these skirts the right color green to green screen over where Brandon's penis was?
I could try in a little bit.
Perfect shade.
Well done.
I want to watch a movie in between Brandon's legs.
Oh, can I see the guy falling off the propeller in Titanic in between Brandon's legs?
I don't want these birds to die.
I don't either.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, there we go.
I told you the wheel would come through.
They play by the rules.
They are locked in each other's eyes.
Yeah, because they knew what was happening.
They're like Rose and Jack.
All right, TJ, it's just me and you, buddy.
Can they fly at all within the cage?
Yeah, I tried to touch Daryl earlier and he flew off.
He flew backwards.
Up the raw.
1-1.
Shouldn't have made that big of a noise.
So, Roan, do you want to take Mousetrap off the wheel?
Brandon, what do you think?
I think Mousetrap is stupid and not funny.
It was funny one time, and we just keep doing it,
and it shouldn't be on the wheel.
You realize that your reaction right now is making it funnier.
This.
3-1 me
If TJ comes back, we can take it off
That's a good deal
Look at that
3-2
3-2 Damn Damn.
All right, TJ.
The wheel is just.
Yeah, you can do it at the end of the show.
The wheel is just.
Brandon, you have your outfit for tonight?
My wife picked out my outfit three days ago.
Cool.
Also, your spurs are underneath the parquet of the floor right now.
You just have to dig them up in the middle of the concert. Okay.
I buried them. Thank you. Or I had them buried.
Thank you, thank you. Good work. Are you guys going to
Talgate? I am. Outside?
I don't know. Outside of
Fiserv? Are you not staying
at the Trade Hotel right across the street, are you?
I am. It's such a good hotel.
I'm staying there. The autograph collection.
You can use my Marriott points if you want.
I'm using my own.
My house is only 40 minutes away.
I offered.
How are you getting home then the next day, Nick?
Drive.
Oh, hell yes.
Look at his pubes.
Whoa.
Those are his pubes.
Oh, his pubes.
Yuck.
Come on, Brandon.
Brandon's long black pubes
Come on man
Kyle who won the wrestling
There's like four matches going on at once
Did Suriano win?
No
Lost to Dayton Fix
Yeah it's a
Oh man
I know
Those are some really cool fucking names
Are you hip with Suriano TJ?
Yeah we've met a couple times
His weird ass Instagram post
I'm fascinated by him.
He's an odd dude.
There's a couple most interesting guys in wrestling.
He's high on the list.
He is, yeah.
What about his posts?
He just does Handsome Tuesday.
Yeah.
He just looks into the camera and doesn't really do anything in particular.
He's very mysterious.
He has an interesting face.
Maybe.
Someone say handsome.
Did you guys see Ryan Garcia?
Yeah, what's up with him?
He's kind of losing his mind.
Oh, Handsome Tuesday.
Not losing.
The train has left the station.
You spent a week with him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For Showtime.
Could you have seen that coming?
At that time, he was in his depressed bird in a cage era.
But it was just a completely different side of the manic depressive.
I think that he's more on a manic swing right now
And that was the depressive
Era of it for sure
And it sucked
He bet his opponent Haney
$500,000
If either of them are overweight
Every pound they're overweight
Haney proposed that bet
To a mentally unstable man
And Garcia said yes
Was one of them projected to miss weight Well Garcia missed weight by three pounds Haney proposed that bet to a mentally unstable man. And Garcia said yes.
Was one of them projected to miss weight?
Well, Garcia missed weight by three pounds. Oh, he did.
Yeah, $1.5 million.
Jesus.
So, yikes.
How does that work with the fight?
They can still fight, but they can't fight for a belt.
So, the guy just got fat and made $1.5 million
and he's crazy?
No, no, no.
He owes $1.5 million.
Oh, he owes.
Yes.
My balls got too heavy
and back gained
too much muscle
from carrying the promo
and my fingers got stronger
from all the tweets.
They got in a fight
on Tyler O'Day's building.
Yeah.
They got in a shoving match
on the Empire State.
He's been going crazy.
He's been,
he was on some like Bohemian Grove shit.
He was acting like he got abducted.
He acted possessed. It's not good.
He's been having a full-on deep psychosis break.
It's probably unhealthy for people to let him fight.
So is he going to get ragdolled?
I don't know.
For boxers, it's probably good.
Man, he's probably good. But I think his boy beat Lobachenko.
Haney beat Lobachenko.
He's like the best?
I mean, but Garcia is really, really good too.
He was a young stud that he got knocked out.
He had like golden boy status.
He just was at the Mets game with De La Hoya.
He was cursing out the Mets.
I don't fucking know.
He's not well.
Yeah, you got sent to San Diego to do that.
Spent a week with him, yeah.
I was in the middle of Florida.
Yeah.
Who's your guy?
Wasn't he like a- Emmanuel Togo.
Togo, yes.
He's got to go.
Good ass line.
Good ass line.
Rome, we should probably leave because Spider said be there
by 1.30.
Okay, let's go. Exactly.
You guys
flying with the tank?
What? Flying with the tank? The tank will be on our flight?
Everyone please buy
Rough and Rowdy tonight. It's going to be
awesome. I'm very
excited. And I'll wear my
new shoes if enough people buy.
Yes, what is enough?
If one million people buy.
I will just wear my shoes.
Whoa.
The most naked man possible.
Have fun, boys.
Safe travels.
Thank you.
We'll say hi to West Virginia for you guys.
By all means.
Martinsburg is barely in West Virginia.
That's almost.
This is Clarksburg. Clarksburg is where Well, this is Clarksburg. Clarksburg
is where I'm at. Clarksburg? Where's Clarksburg?
Wait, where is it in the state of West Virginia?
North Central, just south of Morgantown.
Oh, I had it confused with Martinsburg. You'd like
Bluefield.
Boys.
Bluefield.
No. It's eternally spring.
Appreciate you.
Don't get beat up. Don't snipe anyone's barrels. Don't snipe anyone's barrels. It's eternally spring. Appreciate you.
How bronze are you going to be when you get back?
That's the biggest goal.
They'll be at my house when you get back.
Yeah, be careful day one.
I'll bring them in some. You could ruin the whole vacation.
Get a little eager to get that sun.
I know, I know.
Catch a little too much of it.
I should have worked on it prior.
What's the best Hawaii movie? It's Forgetting Sarah Marshall, right?
Yes.
Me the Kunis?
She's never done it for me.
Not even in that movie?
Buddy, you're gay.
I love her.
I can't separate her from Meg.
You sound like you're fucking Meg.
I don't ever think about Meg when I think about her.
I think about her forgetting Sarah Marshall every time I hear her name.
She had a run, but it's over.
Wait.
Is she a non-armpit shaver?
No.
Or non-shower?
I don't know.
Kutcher and her.
Don't they?
They're non-showers?
They're non-showers. They're non-showers.
They're non-shower, yeah.
And they're Malasek's.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think Malasek's leaning into just being more gay these days.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not as fun to rip on him about it.
Yeah, I came out in my shorts and he, he's had some inappropriate things.
Very mean.
I think I'm going to be okay, but it was a lot.
You're not going to recover.
No. Who's he going to recover. No.
Who's he next to?
McCarthy.
What's McCarthy do?
I think he sits there a lot.
Sits there and drives a Mercedes.
That's all I know about him.
He's a world-class vacationer, right?
World-class.
Yeah, he's a world-class vacationer, I guess is the best way to say it.
That's what Kyle said.
He takes short –
Well said, Brendo.
He's not a non-announcer of vacations.
He'll just be on one, yeah.
Yeah.
How are you guys going to look in the behind the scenes of the movie festival?
Any of you guys turn into monsters or divas?
Hmm.
Malice and Kyle almost killed each other a bunch yeah um that script but like yeah i don't know it was playful banter but otherwise yeah i don't
really i don't think malicek rolled up with two movies that already existed yeah yeah malicek
wrote the departed um yeah he we had a really a really fun moment there.
Yeah, Tommy Smokes wanted to be in an insane asylum,
and then he wanted to blow our money on getting women he could have sex scenes with,
which I think was kind of brilliant on his part.
But yeah, we actually got along great.
There's nothing really to report.
Our movie went pretty smoothly.
Ours was probably the least smooth.
During the yak,
me and Brandon were,
well, Brandon was the adult in the room
and we left for the yak
and there was
an Italian spat.
Yeah, when we weren't there.
They never did that
when we weren't there.
They never acknowledged,
they hid it from us.
Yeah.
Who were Fasoli and Smokes
had a very animated hand argument.
Over the direction of the film?
No.
This didn't happen around us.
Vicky smokes being mad about this because his hairline looks bad too.
It's so vivid.
When you left to go to the fucking heat game, everyone was like, oh, thank God.
That's just throwing us under the bus there.
It's not my fault.
Let us talk about him.
I had a date.
It's different.
Anyway, I just sat.
What a great by the way.
He also did leave for the heat game. Dude, I didn't do anything. I sat I sat there I sent my high noon I threw out a couple lines I thought were
funny and if they got swatted great
and if they got added fantastic
I'm doing my job
it's Nicky Quickie's job
to be the fucking funny one
it's my job to stand here and do what he says
and I've done my job
no what have I not done my job. No.
The director?
No.
What have I not done?
What have I not done that you're claiming that I'm not doing as a director?
Well, answer my question first, and I'll ask you first.
Also saying Nicky Clicky in an argument voice.
People thought Nicky was the only person in the writer's room.
How?
Drop that name, huh?
People were just annoyed.
Okay, well, what else is new?
People annoyed at Nicky Smokes.
Breaking news. And then he was just really mad about? People annoyed at Nicky Smokes. Breaking news.
And then he was just really mad about his hairline.
Yeah.
And then he called me.
He calls me too much.
He called me last night.
He was like, should I shave my head?
Oh, he's freaking, yeah.
And I was like, no.
And he was like, yeah, the angle was from low.
And I was like, well, you're taller than every girl that you've ever talked to.
That's what they say.
Get them on the pills.
Do you think your movies turned out well?
Obviously, there's a lot of work left to be done.
I heard great things about Nick's, and I know the
plot, which I'm excited about.
Nick's and Brandon's.
Oh, yeah. You're in that shit.
We weren't too overly ambitious, I'll tell you that.
We were. So we whooped up on
the beginning. The middle and you that. We were. So we whooped up on the beginning.
The middle and end beat
our ass.
What time did y'all get
through? Late. We were the latest.
Probably like 10.
But you guys had a night scene. We had a night
scene so we were pretty late too.
Yeah, we were out for a while.
I got really fired up about ours.
It was very fun. It was very fun to do. We might just start making movies just a while. I got really fired up about ours. It was very fun.
It was very fun to do.
Yeah.
We might just start making movies just for fun.
I think our group, we might just do it next month.
Just get together every now and then.
Yeah, just get together, make a 48-hour movie.
I think it's going to be a yearly thing.
Yeah, I don't hate it.
What was the biggest hurdle?
Anything that you drafted?
Cohesion.
We felt like there were way too many elements.
Yours made a lot of sense.
You had a great draft.
But no.
You have six fucking things to put in a ten minute movie.
It was crazy.
I'm not going to put a fucking genre in my movie.
Fuck that.
We had dance.
We had choreographed dance and that
that was the longest thing it took to shoot i think the dance would be about 15 seconds yeah
and it took an hour and a half to shoot took an hour and a half to shoot i at one point i had to
spin and i forgot got the yips i got the yips i started spinning the wrong way and couldn't get
out of it for an hour and a half i lost my mind mind, and then Brandon got tired. You hurt your back. I hurt my back, yeah.
There was a spin.
There was a lot.
But eventually we got it.
Ish.
Yeah.
We got it enough.
But our team got along good.
People were getting really sentimental.
I think it was a good exercise for some.
We're having a dinner.
Team dinner.
Yeah, we got to spend the rest of our budget.
What can you get for $4,000 around here?
Dinner-wise.
Probably nothing.
What? You could go to
yeah, there are a lot of restaurants,
but could you get in?
TJ, can you search best restaurants under
$4,000 in Chicago?
We'll see Brandon I don't have my outfit yet picked out
you don't?
is that going to take all afternoon?
yeah
I'm going to be late to the show
can I park at your hotel?
I don't know
what song are you most excited about?
Brandon and I were talking about this
a little on air but then we were talking about it off air
can I just say something?
he thinks the bathroom break should be on
Don't Take the Girl
I said it should be on any new album
I was working under the assumption
that he's playing just the hits
if he's playing just the hits
you leave Don't Take the Girl
I gotta listen to Don't Take the Girl.
Why?
Because I like it.
How do you dance at a country concert?
You don't.
What do you do?
Sway.
You sway.
Are you going to put your hands up?
Bob your head a little bit?
Put the phone up maybe?
No, I'm not doing that.
Well, that's what people do.
You don't have to do it.
I think you sway.
Maybe you put your best gal in front of you and you sway together a little bit.
No. No sway? Yeah, no. You put the girl in front of you and you sway together a little bit no no no sway yeah no you put you put the girl in front of you and you you sway a little bit
yeah arms around the waist you know you want yeah yeah maybe if it gets really good she just
does he have any like one of these up kisses does he do party songs can you sway it you can sway
like it the fast song because like you don't sway the fast song you sway on the on the make
out sing along yeah yeah you sing along you guys don't sway on the fast song. You sway on the make out song. You sing along already fast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You sing along.
You guys don't be too cool to sing.
You ain't got to worry about me, buddy.
I'm going to sing.
I don't...
Fast song?
When you're playing something like that, you're not going to be spooning and swaying.
No.
Well, you need to break from spooning and swaying.
Yeah.
Speak for yourself.
Hmm.
I don't know. I haven't been to a country concert swaying. Yeah. Speak for yourself. Hmm. I don't know.
I haven't been to a country concert in ages.
Wow.
It's been probably 15 years for me.
Why'd you guys come?
I wasn't invited.
What?
Until just right now.
Tim McGraw didn't invite you?
No.
He didn't invite us either.
We just bought tickets.
Hmm.
I'll wait until he comes to Chicago.
May 31st.
I'm going to that one.
You're going to that one too?
I didn't know you were this big of a McGraw head.
I'm not, but my daughter loves it.
But this was an opportunity to go out with you guys, with my wife.
So we're going to do that.
And then when he comes to Chicago, I'm just going to take my daughter to it.
Does your wife sip before concerts?
Is she going to sip a little bit?
She'll sip some wine.
No, she'll sip a cocktail. She'll sip a cocktail. Are you guys going to go before concerts? Is she going to sip a little bit? What, her? She'll sip some wine. No, she'll sip a cocktail.
She'll sip a cocktail.
She's still going to go out.
Are you guys going to go out afterwards, after party?
Afterwards, certainly not.
Before, right?
Before.
Yeah, before.
Afterwards, we'll go straight home.
Faith Hill appearance.
Nelly appearance.
No, and no.
Florida Georgia Line appearance, maybe.
Possibly.
Maybe, what other?
Jody Messina, he did that one song with?
The Rain.
Can you sing The Rain?
Does she sing Redneck Woman?
No, that's Gretchen Wilson.
Kyle, who's the shirt of the girl?
What shirt do you have?
Gretchen Wilson.
I had a Gretchen Wilson.
That's a good song.
Who sings Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been On?
Shania Twain.
She's great.
Yeah.
She was the hotness for a while.
Did you ever go see Shania Twain on Wheeling Island?
It was her tribute.
Oh, dude, I went there for New Year's Eve once.
How good was she? I went to the Greyhounds and watched Shania Twain.
They're fraternal.
And Twain took a lot of the nutrients.
Are you letting these birds out or what?
I'm not letting the birds out.
Why don't we shut the door?
I don't think it happened.
They don't really do anything.
I'm frustrated by them not doing anything.
I won't even play with them if you take them out
because I don't want to be attached to this
they've been through a big life change over the last
24 hours they're going to be through a bigger one
when I take them home
so I don't want to rile them up
but what do they do they do nothing
they've been staring directly at you
what does anything do
damn
fucking got me.
Shut that shit down.
Oh, Bluey doesn't like that.
I always did think tennis balls were green, but I guess they are yellow.
That's all I'll say about that.
Yeah.
What are you doing this weekend, Mark?
I don't know, man.
I don't know. You started this week in turks and keikos yeah how do i end it i don't know you got a bunch of fucking laundry to
do yeah probably that's probably what i do yeah do some laundry um clean that's about it find a
dive bar around my house you You haven't found one yet?
I found a few, yeah.
I just haven't found the one.
Yeah.
You'll know when you find it?
Yeah.
Have you gotten close?
Yeah, we got a few candidates, yeah.
There are a lot of,
Chicago's a great dive bar city.
Yeah. I didn't realize that until I moved here,
but they're-
What turns a bar into a dive bar?
Filth, grime.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But if you're in a bar that you like everything,
and you're just like, this isn't quite dirty enough?
Or do you just call it a dye bar to make it?
I think there's a je ne sais quoi.
You can kind of just tell.
Just tell.
Just walk in, you know.
Yeah.
You know.
I like modern.
Uh-uh.
Clean.
No.
Spacious.
New.
But I get it.
TV is important to you?
Yeah.
Yes.
It needs to be TVs.
Okay.
I like bars that only have like one or two TVs, though.
Food quality?
There's something.
I want them to have one good thing, everything else dog shit.
I separate booze and food, so that doesn't really matter.
Music is important.
Yeah.
Live or just...
Some people like no music or light music,
and they like to talk,
which is...
There's a time for that.
My favorite is shitty live music.
Just really shitty live music.
That you can make fun of at your table?
Not even make fun of.
Just like a guy,
like an old man's trying his best.
He sounds like shit.
I do love that.
He's playing like Johnny Cash songs. It takes you like three-fourths of the song to realize what song it even is i like
that oh it's this ring of fire this is ring of fire the whole time i didn't realize that but
when it gets finished you still like raise your beer like yeah at a boy brother yeah yeah yeah
i'm not laughing at him at all i'm like this is like i fucking love this um Those are my favorite kind of bar.
Yeah.
So.
Ready to get to McGraw, aren't you?
No, I just have to introduce the kids to my birds.
And I have to switch into my outfit.
And that could take hours, both of those things.
Should I wear that cowboy shirt?
What is your outfit?
Yes, you should wear that cowboy shirt.
I got a shirt with a cowboy on it.
Yeah, wear that.
And then I'm going to wear my new neck scarf.
I got one for Brandon.
Brandon, when are you going on vacation?
All three of us have been recently.
I've been researching Hawaii for a while to go this year,
but Kyle's either going with one or two people.
I'm going to have to take six.
And I don't know.
It's just very daunting.
Couldn't leave the kids at home?
I don't want to leave the kids at home.
I'd rather take them.
I don't want to deprive them of that experience.
Tommy's 12.
He's not going to remember it.
He's 13.
No, it would destroy them if I went to Hawaii with their mother and didn't take them.
They would love to go to Hawaii.
So I want to take a family vacation.
Do you like Florida Keys?
Yeah.
That flight, man.
Do Myrtle Beach, man.
Florida Keys and Myrtle Beach.
You're a Myrtle Beach fan.
You're a Myrtle Beach fan.
You guys are a Myrtle Beach fan.
No, we're not a Myrtle Beach family.
You're a North Myrtle Beach fan.
First of all, Florida Keys seems like it's full of...
I don't like the vibe. Too old. A lot of people like it's full of, I don't, I don't like,
I don't like the vibe too old to a lot of people.
I don't like it is too old.
I don't like that Myrtle Beach.
No.
Take them up to a Bethany Beach, Delaware.
Yeah.
What if I took a great beach?
Yes.
And then you could go down real fast.
What if I took them to Hawaii?
Take Tommy, take Tommy to the Florida panhandle.
You take him to a surf shop.
We used to live there.
And you look at the big Johnson t-shirts.
Yep.
It's a rite of passage for a 13-year-old boy.
So I started with Hawaii.
You've now got me taking him to Fort Walton Beach.
Yes.
I think he'd like it more.
Yeah.
I think they all belong on the Panhandle.
I think Tommy getting his first peek at the big Johnson t-shirts.
Tommy lived in Destin, Florida until he was like eight.
Oh.
No, not eight.
Four, five.
No.
What was he born?
Was he born there?
No, he lived there from two to five.
There you go.
I had to figure it out.
Florida Panhandle.
That's my vacation.
Take him to Corpus Christi, Texas.
That's not even a real beach.
That's just a brown ass beach with dirty water.
Gatlinburg? Oh, you guys would thrive in Gatlinburg. No, that's not even a real beach. That's just a brown ass beach with dirty water. Gatlinburg?
Oh, you guys would thrive in Gatlinburg.
Not for me.
For you guys.
A lot of you guys.
I'm sure there's a kid-friendly resort in Hawaii that's perfect.
I wouldn't take them to Hawaii.
Their experience is going to be the exact same as
a pot pot in the beach.
Kind of cliche, man. Honestly. I think you want
Hawaii. You're an ego-driven
monster. I mean, Kyle's going to Hawaii.
Can't Kyle have his Hawaii trip?
You know what I do? Traverse City, Michigan.
No! Why?
That's a nice town. Is that on the
Michigan coast is great.
We'll take them to Cape May, New Jersey.
I've taken them to Cape May, New Jersey before.
Did they love it?
It was delightful.
Went to Seattle City.
Yep.
Great.
Went to Cape May.
Great.
Went to Point Pleasant.
Terrible.
Went to Bradley Beach.
Great.
All right.
What about...
Is there any nice Georgia beaches?
St. Simon's Island is beautiful.
I went there with my wife before we had kids.
In fact, we might have created a kid there.
Which?
The first.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
We had a wedding down there, and we might have created.
Yeah.
But St. Simon's Island is beautiful.
That's about it, though.
What about Bloomington, Minnesota in the Mall of America?
No, because that doesn't have a beach at all.
It's got a roller coaster.
Take them to Coronado off of San Diego.
Kids would probably love that.
Kids would love that.
Coronado off of San Diego seems more difficult than Hawaii.
Absolutely not.
Dick.
Any other beaches?
Maybe.
Take them to Coronado. Stay in the hotel watch the south dakota
yeah did you know the third biggest city in south dakota only has 28 000 people
that's the same deal with west virginia yeah delaware who's got the smallest third biggest
city oh it almost has to be let me think let me think. Wyoming. South Dakota's got to be in the mix.
Wyoming is Cheyenne, Casper, Laramie.
Yeah.
Alaska would be.
Juneau, Fairbanks.
Juneau might be third.
Anchorage, Fairbanks, Juneau.
With about 30, though?
Yeah.
What state has the smallest, third biggest city?
We should have a show on.
Delaware.
We should get a banner.
Send it to them.
North Dakota.
Oh, wait.
North Dakota is far.
Vermont. It's got to be Vermont. And that's my final answer. All right. Let, wait. North Dakota is far. Vermont.
It's got to be Vermont.
And that's my final answer.
All right.
How do we even Google that?
All right.
No, no.
Pull it up, team.
We start with South Dakota.
I know.
I'll say for a fact it's Vermont.
Oh, my God.
What's the third biggest city in Vermont?
Check it out.
S.
Give me the population of that.
Just do Vermont cities by population.
Yeah, Vermont city.
South Burlington, 20,000.
That is smaller than Aberdeen, South Dakota, which is 28.
So that might have just done it.
That might not be the winner, though.
What's worse?
I think somewhere in the team.
What about Hampshire?
Not New Hampshire.
New Hampshire has
Manchester and
Portsmouth. Maine?
No, Maine has Portland,
Bangor, and
the capital. Lewiston? Could it be
Hawaii? Hawaii would be like
Hilo or Pearl City.
I don't think it's Hawaii.
When do you check the
juniper? Delaware.
Wilmington, Dover, New.
Check Delaware for us, TJ.
Newcastle.
He loves 47, so that's not it.
Or Smyrna in Delaware.
Third in Delaware would be Newcastle, I think,
and that's probably a little above.
I think it's Vermont.
I think you might have nailed it with Vermont.
Yeah, Newark.
That's where one of my stalkers is from.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You know where your stalker lives.
I know exactly where that motherfucker lives.
But one of?
Probably my only one.
I haven't heard from him in a couple years.
Let's see.
Yeah.
So Maine's out. Kyle, you might have might have done it what about what's the third biggest
city in north dakota fargo bismarck and what uh great falls okay or no grand forks grand forks
that's second i think so bismarck that's 50 oh right rhode Island is crawling with people.
What's West Virginia's third biggest?
Wheeling?
No, it would be Morgantown.
I thought that was 30-ish.
I thought it was second.
Or Parkersburg.
Morgantown is that small?
I didn't realize that.
College makes it bigger. Morgantown is a little bigger.
I like Morgantown.
Ish?
Yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's fun.
I like the Boston Beanery on Mondays.
You know you know.
The only titties I've ever seen at the college football show that we carry around was at Morgantown.
Man or woman?
It was a woman.
It was a woman.
God almighty.
They pulled up a truck and they backed it up to the stage and she just sat there like that.
Oh, don't sat there like that. The heart don't forget
something like that.
She had a fat old titties in my heart.
I like titties.
I'm on the fence.
Don't do it for me.
Oh man.
Being anti-titty would be very funny not like not like not being a titty guy but just being very anti-titty what does that look like like anti-big titty or yeah just like how
do you i can't like any titty it's like it's like whoa leave your top on her titty i can't i can't
like anti-titty would mean no-titty. No, the viewpoint.
Not, yeah, the viewpoint of being anti-titty.
Like, as a man, looking at a woman.
Role play this.
Seeing nice titties.
Be an anti-titty right now.
You tell her to put her top on when you're having sex.
Yeah, please.
Please.
Cover those up.
Yeah.
This wasn't worth exploring at all.
No, I think there's some real eggs to this
He said sarcastically
Alright y'all want to get out of here
The NASCAR
I'll read the NASCAR ad
I have to mousetrap myself too
I forgot about that
Did we decide to
It's still on the wheel
Alright
Did we read
BetterHelp As you walked away okay all
right purchase tickets to tailgate with brianna and grace o'malley in talladega's famous north
park camping area tickets for the tailgate will also include general admission to the keiko 500
a barstool dega t-shirt and access to a saturday night concert featuring
walker hayes talladega super speedway is is known as NASCAR's biggest and baddest track.
It's two and a half miles long.
Racing can reach 200 miles an hour with cars just inches apart.
Your star drivers include Chase Elliott, Denny Hamlin, Ryan Blaney,
Ross Chastain, Bubba Wallace.
Make sure to catch NASCAR Full Speed on Netflix
so you can watch your favorite drivers before they take on Talladega Super Speedway.
Purchase your tickets now to experience a Barstool Sports tailgate
at Talladega Super Speedway featuring Bree and Grace O'Malley.
I ran out of gas there.
You ran out of gas.
I ran out of gas.
It's bad.
Featuring Bree and Grace O'Malley.
We got a mousetrap?
Do we not have them in here anymore?
Brandon, what's your favorite commercial?
What's your favorite commercial ever?
You like Butt Wiper?iper no that one's fine i love the geico camel commercial but my favorite ever is the sprite what's my motivation commercial from the
90s what's that like it's uh it's uh three guys on a basketball court acting tough and oh you showed it to us before and um they the director says cut
and they turn into like divas yes very funny commercial tj pull that up it was tough to find
it wasn't it uh it is very tough and it's only in grainy grainy footage but i also uh i love i love
the geico camel commercial hump day i i know it's probably basic bitch, but it's funny.
I think they retired him, didn't they?
The camel?
Geico tweeted it on 9-11 once.
Guess what they did.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Is the caveman coming back?
Caveman's been back.
They tried to give that dude a sitcom.
Really?
Oh, yeah, they did.
I thought that was the death of him.
They tried to make it four or five cavemen, right?
Yeah. Yeah, but there's one that was better than all the rest. Yeah, that was the death of him. They tried to make it like four or five cavemen, right? Yeah.
Yeah, but there's one that was better than all the rest.
Yeah, he was so much better.
Who's the most successful commercial guy?
Jake from State Farm?
He's getting up there.
But he wasn't even the original.
I think he's in hell.
That's my stance.
I think Jake from State Farm on the surface is very successful.
He has an enviable life. Very job gets paid well gets to travel all over the place go to cool things i
think internally he hates everything about it he's at the point yeah the novelty wore off he's yeah
yeah i can empathize with that his identity is completely gone yeah he looks in the mirror he's
like i don't know who the fuck i am anymore yeah what are the Sonic guys up to
oh yeah
how much do you think they're worth
more or less than Flo
way less
I bet you Flo has 10 million dollars
I bet they burned through their money already
I think the Sonic guys did never make that much
fiscally irresponsible
they went on a bender
they just stopped being guys do they still do Sonic in the car commercials Fiscally irresponsible. Yeah. They seem like it. They went on a bender.
They just stopped being guys.
Do they still do Sonic in the car commercials?
Because they tried other guys.
Yeah, they did.
They tried.
So what happened?
Did those guys just say, like, we're creatively exhausted?
Like, we're tapped out? That was all we had?
Maybe they became, like, these huge assholes that were, like,
we're the whole brand.
Yeah, contract disputes.
Billions of dollars.
Didn't the dude you're getting Adele guy get into trouble?
Most commercial guys get into trouble eventually, I think.
I think his was just weed, though.
No, they were phased out.
Dude, you're getting Adele.
I forgot about that guy.
Mm-hmm.
And then PC became uncool.
Oh.
If you're a fan of the Sonic guys, we've got some bad.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Dead or jail?
I've got to read through the fucking article.
It's almost always shit.
It's always a fucking intro paragraph.
Do you have to decline five months for 28 cents or whatever?
Yeah.
Go ahead and fire it up.
We're looking for the Sonic guys
and where their life has gone after the commercials.
One of them is TJ in the commercials.
Really?
Yeah.
What's the other one's name?
Peter.
And I'm on fire.
It sucks that you're going to Hawaii
and it's hot street.
Should I do it in front of the birds?
Should I traumatize them?
Do not traumatize the birds.
The birds are staring into each other's eyes again.
They tried to upload their own videos
to YouTube that were all Sonic themed.
And they had...
That worked.
Wait, that's how they got the gig in the first place?
Finally, 2020 however
jesus christ this is they're not getting to the point
give up all right i don't know you said it was going to be bad news yeah you that's what the
title said what did it say?
It sounds like they just got phased out of Sonic.
All right, TJ.
Dan, put out the graphic.
You got it.
That doesn't look like it's set right. It's not set right.
I need to do a tutorial on how to set a mousetrap
for everyone in this room
there is a ledge right here
more sarcastic than that
uh yeah dumb fucks
uh
you take the little thing
you pull it back
you put the thing in front of the thing
and you put it on the ledge
is it that hard? You pull it back, you put the thing in front of the thing, and you put it on the ledge. Got to put the thing in front of the thing.
Is it that hard?
Alright, there goes the mousey.
Oh my god, he's starving.
Why are you staring at yourself?
Why are you trying to make this sexy? Why are you trying to make this sexy?
Yeah, what?
Why are you trying to make this sexy?
Why are you apparently sexy?
Dangerous.
Holy, yeah.
You're like that one guy on the putting green.
Cameo.
Oh!
Did that work?
No, that missed.
Redo.
Viegas?
Yeah.
He was, that was for attention.
Oh, you're right.
He would lay down and...
That was for attention.
Yeah.
High Noon.
Hey, bring the Fiesta anywhere you go
with all new High Noon Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack.
Fiesta, fiesta is what I like to say.
The variety eight pack includes two new tequila flavors,
blood orange and prickly pear
alongside two tequila favorites, grapefruit and lime.
Mmm.
All of them are made with real tequila, real juice,
perfect for any fiesta.
Find the High Noon Tequila Seltzer Fiesta Pack
nearest you at highnoonspirits.com.
High Noon.
Sun's up.
Yeah, no one else has ever done that.
Was it Villegas?
They're trying to throw a J in that name, right?
Yeah.
Villegas.
Villegas.
J. Brandon, if Jim Furyk texts you right now and asks you to throw a J in that name, right? Yeah. Villegas. Villegas. J.
Brandon, if Jim Furyk texts you right now, asks you to go to dinner, would you do it?
I would.
Yeah?
Would you be excited about it?
Yeah.
Is he from Detroit?
No.
He had a funky swing.
Oh, golf.
He had a hole in his swing.
Not a hole, but he had a...
Weird little thing.
He turned his arms at the top.
Would you cancel a plan to go get dinner with him?
I wouldn't cancel Tim McGraw tonight.
No, but like...
If I were planning...
You were coaching a softball game, but Jim Furyk texts you.
No, he doesn't get softball game, but if I were going...
Who gets softball game?
Oh, man.
In golf?
No, anybody.
I'm trying to think of the lowest level.
Who's the most minor person?
Most wrestlers would get softball game.
Would?
Yeah, most wrestlers.
No.
No.
Talk to him more sarcastically.
You're not.
No.
No.
I'm TJ trying to sit the mouse trap.
I don't sound like that.
Right there.
Whoa.
Okay.
All right.
Now put your finger in the fucking mouse trap.
This is the last time we're ever going to do it on the show.
Until the next time I was on.
Oh, my God.
Oh!
Why was there a delay?
Oh, that one sucked.
Woof.
There we go.
Brandon, I have a hypothetical.
Go.
How's the fishing going, first of all?
I haven't caught a fish yet.
But I did spend $300 at the bait shop the other day.
Would you rather one of your kids become a doctor
or catch a prize trophy fish?
Without the assistance of, like, you didn't didn't like book an excursion in florida
it's just brain and walker man out in nature let's flesh this out yeah if they don't become
a doctor if i go the fish route does that mean they are failures in life they just continue on
the trajectory they're on they're only promised they will be a doctor with no it will be a doctor
and if i take the fish i risk whatever they're going to become but i i trust in them so i'm right i'm you have it for your entire life is like i i caught this
no one's gonna be controversial and crazy um i'm gonna take the doctor really i'm gonna take one of
them becoming a doctor wow make you proud there's three other ones that can catch a fish you're
your good father yeah there's three other ones that we're talking about you catching the fish
wait i catch the fish yeah i'm talking about you catching the fish. Wait, I catch the fish.
Yeah, I'm talking about you catching like a.
You had to debate whether you wanted the kid to be a doctor or catch a fish.
Yeah, your kids catching a fish?
I meant you.
I meant you having the moment of trying.
Oh, for sure.
That you're reeling in like a.
For sure, kid a doctor.
A six hour battle.
Kid a doctor.
Kid a doctor.
World record fish.
Kid a doctor.
In the book.
Whoa, what in the. World record fish. Get a doctor. In the book. Whoa.
World record fish?
Single-handedly.
No help.
You're out there.
But the only fish that would, the world record that would really make a dent would be if it was big ocean fish.
I don't want to ever do that.
I don't care to do that.
I want to catch bass.
I want to catch fish.
Okay.
I want to catch a 10-pound bass.
10-pound bass?
No.
That'll shut up the haters.
The type of fish that'll shut up the haters forever.
I don't have any bass haters.
Do I have bass haters?
You have a lot of bass.
The majority are haters.
I'm going to go kid a doctor.
Okay.
You're a good father.
Your daughter could be a nurse.
What kind of doctor?
Surgeon?
Any doctor is fine. Surgeon? Any doctor is fine
Dentist?
Any doctor
Is AI ever gonna
Just
Are doctors at risk?
I don't think
Well some doctors might be
What about like
Not a doctor
But like a PhD
And they're called doctor
But it's like
An archaeologist
I think that'd still be fine
That'd be cool as fuck
Still go with doctor
I might even prefer that
Tommy would be a sick archaeologist.
There's a chance Tommy's going to be.
But it's like some bullet.
It's PhD in gender studies or something.
Fish.
Normal-sized fish that I can catch everywhere.
I'll take the fish.
All right.
All right.
Have fun in Hawaii, Kyle.
Yeah.
Send us updates.
I hope you get to know.
No, I'm going to do a little update.
Fired up about how bronze you're going to be.
I know.
I can't wait.
All right.
That's the act.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. It's the act It's your straws, yeah
The style of tape
For a while
It's the act
It's the act
It's the act
Yeah, it's time to talk shop
We're doing Yankee Swap
It's the act
It's the act Hey, have a good weekend, everybody.
Watch Rough and Rowdy tonight.
And have a great weekend.
Stay safe out there.
Love you guys.
See you Monday.
Bye.