The Yak - We Sent KB Off to Hawaii with a Luau | The Yak 4-19-24

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yo, TJ, pull that up. Hello. It is the Yak, sponsored by Roback. Use code YAK for 20% off your first purchase. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com. Promo code YAK, 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.
Starting point is 00:00:45 TJ, do we have any Hawaiian music that you can play? Royalty free Welcome in Wait is there hats? Aloha Do they wear hats in Hawaii? I don't think so Oh Okay So this is
Starting point is 00:00:59 The Luau Yak We're trying to convince KB to cancel his flight on Sunday. Come on, man. Why go into Hawaii when you have Hawaii right here? It's just getting nice here. We need you. Come on. All right.
Starting point is 00:01:16 Show me what you guys got. Show me your about it about it. Okay. I'll start. I like this. I got some traditional Hawaiian cuisine for you. Yeah. Hawaiian pizza.
Starting point is 00:01:30 I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I won't deny that. Now pass it around. There you go. Thank you. Hawaiian pizza. Yeah, that's about it.
Starting point is 00:01:40 That's it. No, Kyle, look at your phone. I just Apple cashed you $200. Oh, in Hawaii, you get money. But it is more expensive there. Significantly more expensive. Significantly more expensive. Thank you, guys.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Resort fees and all that. Those add up. No, we want you to go. We just want you to be acclimated when you go. So you can be like, oh, I know this. So I should wear this stuff? Yeah, I know this. I've been there should wear this stuff. Yeah, I know this Been there
Starting point is 00:02:06 They were expected boys. They won't think that you're a big holy or anything like that. We're in what do they call them? Holy gringo It's basically the n-word for white people over there You know how Lee there's a big divide between actual Hawaiians and people who were oh, yeah born and raised in Hawaii. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, my My boy's BM. She's a native Hawaiian, and he has this token Howley shirt that he wears. Okay. Make sure you don't.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Oh, yeah, he is. Don't try to steal anyone's barrels. Barrel of oil? No. Waves, bro. Oh, my God. You'll get your ass kicked. Well, there's a lot of private.
Starting point is 00:02:44 There's a lot of exclusive If you snipe someone's barrel No wrestling is going to save you Because they're good wrestlers too Yeah they are They're all kind of BJ Penn I respect them They're kind of Brazilian
Starting point is 00:02:58 And they have a secret move Thumb up butt Thumb up your butt That's where this handshake came from. That's jiggling the balls while the thumb's up the butt. You don't want this shit. Instant tap. You're gonna fight a BJ Penn or like a defensive tackle for Utah.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Yeah, no. They're tough dudes. Samoans, Tongans. All of them. All of them. I was gonna say Samoans and Tongans. Is that sexy? I've never found that too sexy. Nor have I. I don't like it.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Coconut covers it. It also is like it basically is like there's no cleave in it. It's from a different time. It replaces the tip. When the coconut bra was in vogue, it was at a time where seeing a little cleave was scandalous.
Starting point is 00:03:45 Why is this the hottest coconut bra? What is the biggest titty that can fit in a coconut? I'm saying in 1960, when you looked at a girl in a coconut bra, you were doing boners. A coconut's thicker than an actual shirt. In 2024, you're not doing boners because we have Instagram. Let's find one that could get us. We don't need coconut bras. You can't see the nipple through the coconut.
Starting point is 00:04:06 It was like when a flapper showed up. Oh, look at the funny man. See, this does nothing for me. Wait. It's a boob replacement. Look up big tits. That chaps. What?
Starting point is 00:04:18 Yeah. Look up big titties in a coconut brawl. Yeah. Safe search off. Do you think the truck driver bros were ever cranking to the lady on the dashboard? The coconut bra lady? For sure. Is that?
Starting point is 00:04:36 Oh. Those are just coconuts in front of her bikini. She's holding them up. Yeah. Wait, what was that headline? Nurse? Nurse who told colleagues huh told colleagues her breasts were like big coconuts giving the axe what why does she have to tell them how big her breasts were we'll hire her they were right there wait that's not her though oh oh what's her
Starting point is 00:05:01 name he wait whoa Baratha Gamaj struck off is that how you say fired oh this is British he also told how he would kill his daughter if she brought an IG that's the firework that's the headline not the coconut bra oh my god
Starting point is 00:05:22 they really buried that one. Did sailors get naked women tattooed on their forearms to jerk off to? Oh, yeah. Is that why they're there? Has to have been. Well, your boy had to get one, and then you jerk off to that. Your boys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:34 You jerk off to your boys. Yeah. You get one on the back. A big naked woman on your back. Yeah, back shots. And then just hit it here, target. So every sailor is looking at his next boy's back. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:45 That's how Circle Jerk started. Correct. Okie-cokie. Wait, Kyle, are you a good jar? I'm not bad. Phenomenally good with just a Bic pen. Yeah, that shit was insane. From memory.
Starting point is 00:05:57 I didn't know that. When did that happen? On the anus clips that have been flying around. I surprise myself. I'm not great. Can I see? I walked past. I can finally get. Can I see? I walked past. I can finally get some faces to look like who the person is.
Starting point is 00:06:09 I walked past the green room upstairs, and Kyle was just in there drawing a picture of ASAP Rocky from memory. I was, that's, yeah. I wanted to. And I had to go grab Hank to film it. How is that not true? Can I see this clip? Brandon can draw a house.
Starting point is 00:06:22 I can draw a house. That's really good. I doubt it. A two-bedroom starter house. That's all I can draw. But I ask that, Kyle, because- Moderately priced. Yeah, well, not anymore with inflation.
Starting point is 00:06:31 Yeah. If you were locked up, could you draw some fappable porn? Could you draw some nice titties? Absolutely. Ooh, maybe that's our next book. I drew an ass in ninth grade on a binder on the inside, and I got hard in class while drawing it. Could you draw a flip book that we could sell?
Starting point is 00:06:50 Maybe you spladdling all of us? Whoa, a flip book porno. Yeah, I want to get back into it. That was like the most fun I've had. I want to just lock down, lock in, and then just draw for hours. Draw some horny shit. Sounds like it's a terrible time to go on vacation. Anus is an art podcast now.
Starting point is 00:07:06 We are just bringing a drawing every episode. I like that. It's good for the audio format. I want to get horny from what you've composed. Let's all draw something and get each other horny. I can do horny shit, yeah. Yeah, make us horny, Kyle. I think prisoners do do that.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Oh, yeah. Like, they sculpt... Titties? Like, paper mache? Women's backs, yeah. The backs. Oh, yeah. They sculpt titties? Like paper mache? Women's backs, yeah. Oh, so you can fuck it? It looks like an ass sitting down. Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Hmm. Kyle's just in there drawing a picture of ASAP Rocky, and it's really fucking good. What the fuck? What the fuck? Dude, you're really good. What was the inspiration for this? Um, ASAP a rocky war. But then I figured out like I'm not bad at drawing if I really pay attention to detail.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Now I'm like pumped about it and I just want to do ASAP Rocky. Are you sure? Is this a sketch? Are you like drawing lines? Yeah, like what? Yeah, well I mean he's all over the internet. No, that's insane. That is crazy, Kyle. Lift that up. You don't even see it.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Yeah, he's always in the news with Rihanna. You're a man of multitudes. You really are. A lot of secrets. I am that dude. Yeah, you are that dude. You think that guys who draw anime porn are better artists or hornier? Oh, better artists.
Starting point is 00:08:34 They're damn good at it, though. They're damn good. Or like animators who are animating a sketch of a big bosomed woman, but animating the bounce of it? That's a good question because they are very horny if they're doing it from memory. Yes. But also extremely proficient if they're getting
Starting point is 00:08:54 it's so good that other guys are jerking off. I think they're desensitized to it. What's the bigger prerequisite to crack into that industry? Is that what you're saying? Do you have to be super horny or do you have to be an incredible i'm not a great artist but i'm super horny and that's gonna get me through you say you say that on your resume yeah like i'm a 10 out of 10 horn i think they're just so horny they're not even that good at art until like you know how when you're the
Starting point is 00:09:17 horny you are the better you are at kissing and touching yeah that's true yeah you're a better kisser when you're hornier everyone is is. And then it just makes you. I don't know if better is the right word. It's that you're willing to do it. But a clinical kisser is not good. But if you're horny. No, I go in with surgical precision when I kiss. You're like under the knife, under the scalpel.
Starting point is 00:09:38 No wasted movement. No. Preserve the energy. Watch this. Put your chin under this pillow by the way shout out Providence I'm wearing the vest Providence Twitter's the goat the absolute goat
Starting point is 00:09:55 I'm wearing the vest like the team's Twitter account or just the community they're the ones who gaslit Ed Cooley into potentially retiring she still might do based on The fans. They're the ones who gaslit Ed Cooley into potentially retiring. Okay. She still might do.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Based on evidence? No, just everyone saying he's going to retire. Why do you think he will? Because everyone's saying he will. Okay. The resignation was trending for like two days straight. Can I do 60 seconds on the state of college basketball real quick? Go ahead. I'm depressed.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Just in general? Oh, because of Wisconsin? Well, just everyone. Hey, I got one. I got one. I got one. Greg guard more like Greg no guards. Because they're all transferred out.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Good. Wow. No, I'm depressed. It's finally come to the realization that it's just money. Mm-hmm. Yup. Chucky Hepburn is not going to transfer. This is what J. Bill has fought for.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Yeah, and someone offered him like $700,000, and I don't blame him whatsoever. Yeah, so you're anti-Portal. No, I'm pro-Portal. It's just... Anti what it's doing to our favorite team. It's depressing that it's literally just money now, which, again, the players should do that.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Yeah. But it sucks that it's like some guy who, like, Chucky Hepburn has like three Bucky the Badger tattoos, has been on the team for four years, and then Louisville's or whoever's going to end up getting him is like, oh, here's $700,000. He's like, okay, cool. It sucks that you're a fan of a team who's not going to be one of the spenders.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Right. That's what sucks. Although I think the spenders will stop spending eventually. Eventually, but for right now, they're spending. Right now. Yeah, I think it will level up. I don't even think the spenders like it. The spenders are spending, but like last year, Kansas gets Hunter Dickinson,
Starting point is 00:11:38 and they weren't that good. Kansas got stored now. That was like a million bucks. We're supposed to believe that they're going to be awesome. We don't know that to be true. What schools have the biggest endowments in all colleges? The Ivies, right? So why can't they just put massive players in?
Starting point is 00:11:57 They don't want to be seen as prioritizing sports. No, they could. If Harvard wanted to win the basketball national championship, it would take less than five years. Really? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, think about their alumni base. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:10 They could just throw money at it and $49 billion. Like they could be like to a five-star recruit, they could be like, here's $15 million. They could offer Dan Hurley $50 million a year to be the coach. Yeah. So are there any schools that are both a play like is there any crossover the venn diagram of a great endowment but also uh well it's not endowment it's the alumni base because they can't just use their endowment why it's the
Starting point is 00:12:36 alumni because they can't because they got to use they got to pretend it's nil yeah like texas it's one of the great grifts in in all of world of finance. Wait, so could Elon Musk troll college sports and just give $100 million to a specific team? Yeah, if he was just like, I'm going to make Western Michigan the best football team. Yeah, that would be funny. That would be awesome. I would do that if I had his money. I'd just pick a random, like we'd just do a wheel on the yak and be like, all right, who do you guys want to have the best football season? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:05 For one year. So that could happen if someone wanted to do that. And they can use all that money. Theoretically, yes. These schools are just bathing in TV money. These conferences are bathing in TV money. It's coming in hand over fist. But the people that fund the NIL are the fans.
Starting point is 00:13:21 That's bullshit. That's where it will hopefully level out as people will realize this is this is bullshit yeah but they won't because fans giving money makes their team better that's all they want and if the team gets better they're going to pour in more money and they'll keep getting better salary cap that's the only solution but then you don't want i don't want to limit what a player can get either make the schools pay for their own damn players That's what should happen
Starting point is 00:13:46 But the NCAA has no leaders And they just said Fuck it y'all deal with it They're leaderless Sorry this is more than 60 seconds I apologize I was into it I'm having fun I'm depressed at the lack
Starting point is 00:14:01 Not even lack The public and prideful disinterest In this year's Olympic Games from this office. I just don't think it's Olympic season yet. It's not Olympic, yeah. I'm very excited. I'm excited. That's boring. I love that you'll have a video series that we're working on that we might be doing.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Okay. We might be doing an inter-office Olympics. But with beer. I'm very excited. Who's the best swimmer this year? Who's the best runner this year? Do we know? Is Ledecky still going?
Starting point is 00:14:33 I want to be fed this information. Biles is back. Biles is back? We're going to win basketball. Where's Nassar? Nassar's out. I hated him. Okay, Biles back. We're going to win basketball. Nassar, where's Nassar? Yeah, we always win basketball. Nassar's out. Nassar's out. Good.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Jail. Good. I hated him. All right. Hated him. Who's our best runner? Do we have a sprinter? We have a woman with the name.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Sha'Carri? Sha'Carri? Sha'Carri Richardson. Yeah, yeah. Look how progressive we are. Oh, the weed head? Yeah, the weed head. There's like a diva 100-meter male runner, I think. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:15:04 We have a diva. Okay, I didn't know. And the wrestling trials are going on now. And this is... Kyle just wanted us to talk about it. We fell for the fucking crap. What a segue. These are the best matchups ever.
Starting point is 00:15:18 You had them loaded on your phone? These weight classes are so loaded. Guys, let's talk Olympics. Then we'll get to wrestling. So they whittle it down to six weight classes from 10 in college. Oh, no. They're so loaded. Guys, let's talk Olympics. Then we'll get to wrestling. So they whittle it down to six-way classes from 10 in college and they're so stacked. There's like five guys
Starting point is 00:15:29 per way to deserve it. No, that wasn't an invite. Oh, it's at Penn State. What's your favorite Olympic sport to watch when the Olympics are on but you will never, ever watch it
Starting point is 00:15:37 any other time? Burling. Men's volleyball. Those guys are... No, they're so good. Yeah. They're so good. Javelin? What? I like diving. Yeah, that's a good so good Javelin?
Starting point is 00:15:45 I like diving Javelin? That little pool they go to afterwards That washes the stuff off of them The hot tub You can see their penises You guys see Bert Kreischer's bird? Yeah it's shaped like a
Starting point is 00:16:01 Fritos, a Tostitos scoop What is he doing? It was just his dick. Yeah. No, he posted his whole dick online on his Twitter and Instagram. That's fucking lit. Why? It's behind a bathing suit.
Starting point is 00:16:13 But like this very light blue bathing suit. Nothing is left to the imagination. You see the twist of it. If he was smart, he should have put a QR code on that. Oh, yeah. That would have been the way to do it, because I zoomed in. Oh, yeah. Everyone zoomed in. I immediately you show it tj um it's behind it you can't i mean it's i have to he posted it on instagram you have to see yeah you could zoom in you could really
Starting point is 00:16:37 oh that's just okay no but if you zoom in it's just you can see the head every dimension of it you could probably find the volume of it by the dimensions. He's just jacked up on TRT. Physique improving. Well, he's doing steroids. Not as funny than when he has a belly. That's funny. Bellies are funny.
Starting point is 00:16:55 He needs to gain the belly. He needs to start taking his pants off and leaving his shirt on. Ooh. Poo bear. Yeah, poo. Penis. He's got to poo it. With the penis out.
Starting point is 00:17:03 He's got to poo it up. But I didn't mean to take us off the olympics i want to get excited as well are are any of the ufc is like bow nickel wrestling or are they yeah do we have do we have any stories of uh sport crossover like tim tebow trying to join the luge team or there's oh yeah lolo jones yeah lolo there's flag football this year dude lolo jones got way too much credit for just sucking at all the sports. Everything, yeah. She was like, oh, I'm going to do this.
Starting point is 00:17:29 She was bad at that. She was a virgin. Yeah, she was a virgin. But she never won shit, right? What was her original sport? Track, right? Did she win? She came close one time.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Yeah, she came close for sure. But she did a really good job of just switching it up. Where it was like, oh yeah, track star Lolo Jones is going to do the luge. Do y'all want to pick another country for the Yak to root for outside of the United States? Like a second country that we can root for? Where everybody gets a country? China? No, just a small country.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Oh, what if we do a country and whoever has the least amount of medals has to go to it? I like that. Like Iran. Yeah, like Iran. That's a good one. We should all be assigned a sport and we have to become experts by the time the Olympics start. I would do that. Oh, I would do that.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Or play like a fantasy league of players in different sports. You're drafting players. You're rooting for. We got the next Olympics. Oh, I like that. Yeah, LA. Yeah. I like that where we do a sport.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Yeah, and everyone becomes a true expert on it. Yeah, we'll do that. I really have to do it. You have to know exactly what the medal race is going to look like. Learn about the players and give everybody a recap. The contenders, all of it. Can you bet on that? Pretenders.
Starting point is 00:18:35 You bet on that? Yeah, you can bet on that. You can't learn contenders without learning pretenders. That's right. That'd be crazy. No, you could stop at contenders. Yeah, but buried inside contenders, that's where the Pretenders live. What's a Pretenders song?
Starting point is 00:18:49 I would walk five miles. No, that's the Proclaimers. That's the Proclaimers. The Pretenders is the Friends theme song. Millions of peaches. No, that's God. Peaches for free. No.
Starting point is 00:18:57 Millions of peaches. Presidency of the United States of America. What is Pretenders? I Will Stand By You? I Will Stand By You. No, no, no, I will stand by you. I will stand by you. No, no, no, no, no, no. When the rain starts to pour. I will stand.
Starting point is 00:19:10 Oh, no. It was slow. No, no, no. Rocket Man. That's Rocket Man. Burning out a fuse of parallel. That's Rocket Man. Whippet.
Starting point is 00:19:21 With a pretender singing Rocket Man. Devo did Whippet. Oh, you get what you give. Yes. That's the new radicals. That's the new radical Whip it? That's Devo. Devo did Whip It. Oh, you get what you give. Yes. That's the new radicals. That's the new radicals. Pretenders. What's the song, Brandon?
Starting point is 00:19:39 I said it. Pretender saying I will stand by you. No, that's Della Mitri. No, that's Roll to Me. At a minute. At a minute 38 seconds The shortest song Shortest song what? That's not just the shortest song
Starting point is 00:19:54 The shortest song to ever The highest charting shortest song That doesn't make sense That's two measuring sticks That's incoherent What you just said is incoherent It might be the highest charting song. Time, time.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Isn't that Blur's song five? No, no, no. I think it's the shortest top 40 song. That's the same guy from the Gorillaz. Yes, that's true. That's a gorilla. Woo-hoo-ing. God, we know tunes.
Starting point is 00:20:23 So we never did figure out what the Pretenders We did They didn't have a song Damn So They actually That was the name They're like
Starting point is 00:20:32 They're the Pretenders They don't have any songs They don't have any songs Oh the Foo Fighters Sing that song The Pretender Oh yeah Foo Fighters are the Pretenders
Starting point is 00:20:38 You're the pretender. Yep. Never surrender. Did Tal Bachman sing at your wedding, Brandon? He did. That's crazy. Who? Tal Bachman.
Starting point is 00:20:56 Saying she's so high. She's so high. Like Aphrodite, yeah. How much did you spend on that? It wasn't much. It was only $7,500. That's crazy. Yeah. That's cool like $7,500. That's crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:06 That's cool. $7,500. That was all he did? No, it was $7,500 to procure him, but I had to fly him in. That cost a lot more. Wait, she only sang one song? We only needed one song, and it's a he. It was only one song.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Oh. Yeah. Cleopatra. She came in and just sang one song. No, no. Once he sang She's So High. Women. Yeah, and then afterwards we had somebody else sing at the reception. That's cool. Tal Bachman just sang one song. He sang She's So High. Women.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Yeah. And then afterwards we had somebody else sing at the reception. That's cool. Tal Bachman just sang at the wedding. I was in deep talks to have Remy Wolf sing at my wedding. Whoa. Who's Remy Wolf? She's really good. Photo ID?
Starting point is 00:21:35 Is that the girl with the ass? She does have an ass, but I don't think she's best known for it. Oh, that's Remy LaCroix? Yeah, that's La La. You have an ass, Remy? Yeah, I think she's the ass, Remy. There's also Remy LaCroix? Yeah, that's Lala. You have an ass, Remy? Yeah, I think she's the ass, Remy. It's also Remy Martin. That's a drink, right?
Starting point is 00:21:51 No, Arizona State. Yeah. That's also a drink. National champion. Right? Yeah. Okay. Interesting stuff.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Good stuff. A little pop culture recap. Yeah, that was our pop culture minute. My thighs are jiggly. That's gross. How many strands of that would it take to cover up your entire dick? We're there. Yeah, but could you take some away?
Starting point is 00:22:17 Yeah. Oh, bummer. I actually wonder how... I think I could go... Yeah, let's all figure out our strand count. I think I'm eight. Let's figure out Kreischer's strand count. I gotta be honest.
Starting point is 00:22:30 I don't need many strands right now. It's kind of... No, I think I could do this. What you got? Three. Three strand Dan. Yeah, three strand Dan. That's what they call me.
Starting point is 00:22:43 Hmm. Titus needs another lube. Yeah, I don't think there's enough they call me. Titus needs another luau. I don't think there's enough anymore. You think anybody in a grass skirt's ever been depressed? Yes. Yeah, if that's all they could afford. Yeah, and also, if you're in a grass skirt, you're probably being paid to do a luau in front of a bunch of line.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Howly. Haole. Haole. I think there's a pretty high depression rate in Hawaii. Really? Insane amount of homeless, no? Is it because they're never going to get off the island? What is it? I think that it's the crazy influx of haoles
Starting point is 00:23:20 and how their land has been stolen from them. I think there's a pretty big independence independence for hawaii movement among the hawaiians yeah oh by the way kb i forgot uh actually good you're not going to maui forgot about the fire is your flight today yeah and everyone's saying hawaii was better than maui oh okay yeah all right well actually i'm gonna take that back then you're an idiot we got some good dudes who listen to this show, taking large chunks out of their day to give me lists and lists of recommendations. Yeah. Or they're just shitty dudes who love lists.
Starting point is 00:23:55 Yep. No, there's a ton of people that sent me Rome info as well, and they saved me at the Boston airport. They said take the shuttle. Don't leave to go to the other terminal because they make you go back through security. They're handing out hacks. You got hacks? Lists, or like they're taking a lot of time.
Starting point is 00:24:10 How can you tell it's a lot of time? The word count. But they could have already written that. Maybe, yeah. They could have a list on Jack. But at some point they had to use time to make that list. What kind of vacation are we looking at here? Are we active?
Starting point is 00:24:25 We hike in? We sightsee no learning the luau was actually the most depressing part i want you to actively not learn so i don't so someone tries to tell you something oh no i don't that's not this type of vacation. So there's going to be a lot of chilling involved? Yeah. A lot of relaxing. I want to, like, you know. Are you going to lie in a hammock? Be in the sun, be on the beach, be in the water. What are you looking at?
Starting point is 00:24:53 I have to watch these matches. Yeah, man. That was our fault. We brought up wrestling. Yeah, right. We shouldn't have. Are people sending you shit? No, it's live on Peacock.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Oh. Can we get it in, like have. Are people sending you shit? Nah, it's live on Peacock. Oh. Can we get it in a lower third or some shit? Oh, so that whole conversation literally was just so you could watch these. This is one match. This high school sophomore is taking on an Olympian. He's beating him four to two. Wait, that kid? Since we brought up wrestling.
Starting point is 00:25:19 There's two of them. Go ahead and watch. What's his name? You guys don't understand the gravity of this. He's got a cool name, right? Jax Forrest and Bo Bassett. This is Jax Forrest. He's beating Thomas Gilman, Olympic medalist.
Starting point is 00:25:31 He's a sophomore in high school. Wow. Where's he from? From North Carolina, goes to school in Johnstown, PA. You think there's ever been a Fugman in the Olympics? There will be. Mark my fucking words, there will be. That will be one of the greatest
Starting point is 00:25:46 Family lineages of all time Before all is said and done The Fugman-Bennetts They'll be like the Caesars Yeah Vanderbilt's Kennedy's Did she give up her name?
Starting point is 00:25:55 That's a good question When did I Did she just go straight to Fugman? Yeah she might have just hopped She might have never used the She might have never gone back Right Did not pass go She didn't pass go She didn't pass go She selected her at Fugman She might have just hopped. She might have never gone back. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Do not pass go. She didn't pass go. Straight to Fugman. Selected her at Fugman. Nice. Just collect your... Go straight to Fugman. Straight to Fugman. It will be like Genghis Khan, though.
Starting point is 00:26:17 Yes. There will be millions of descendants... Of Fugmans. Of the Fugman. Of the content kin, Fugman. Can't wait to see their Xanadu. Yeah, true. What's Xanadu? I think that was
Starting point is 00:26:29 Ku Black Han's home. That's a tape measure I believe. And an Olivia Newton John. Don't know why he has it. I wish we yo-yoed more. It should have been, it should still be huge. Yo-yoing. I disagree. I think you pick up a yo-yo, you do it three or four times and you've done it. Sounds like you don't know how to yo've done it I don't know how to yo-yo that's the problem
Starting point is 00:26:47 you can't do shit you can walk the dog? I bet you had a fucking yo-mega with a brain I go around the world I walk the dog cats in a cradle y'all are all talking a yo-yo game you cannot back up alright I'll buy some yo-yos and do it on Monday
Starting point is 00:27:01 what's the good one? Dunkin or yo-mega just don't buy a butterfly that's your grandfather buy some yo-yos and do it on Monday. What's the good one? Dunkin' or Yo-Mega. Just don't buy a butterfly. That's your grandfather's fucking yo-yo. Ron, who signed your hat? We had Diablo, too. Oh, what, the fire sticks or whatever? The Chinese yo-yo?
Starting point is 00:27:16 That shit's fun. I could do that. All right, wait, Dunkin' yo-yo? Which one's that, TJ? Who are these motherfuckers? One of those boys has his t-shirts tucked into his denim. His t-shirt is tucked right into his pants. Yeah, what is this guy? He's a trooper or a farmer.
Starting point is 00:27:27 That's a farmer. Nobody's even walking around. That's a farmer, yeah. That's a farmer. He's a farmer in the big city. You farm. Are you a farmer? Do you farm? You farm twice. What do you do for a living? We're lighting for a living? Yeah. Touch grass? Okay, that's farming.
Starting point is 00:27:44 He doesn't touch grass. We were right. Sod? Did he just clap back? Did he do that? Oh, is that like a... He had that loaded up. He kind of owned me.
Starting point is 00:27:52 Touch... Is he a lawn care guy? Like Scots? That's what I thought. Could be a Scots. Touch grass. Those are a bunch of Scots. Nobody's walking them around.
Starting point is 00:28:00 They're just doing it themselves? That's Gino, brother. Wait, I don't see... Oh, that right there. Gino for Nino. Damn. Is that just Gino, brother. Oh, that right there. Is that just Gino's boys? Oh, wait. Are they touching the grass? They're touching grass.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Oh, he was being literal with us. Yeah, but he's a goofy guy. Alright, I'm buying yo-yos. By the way, I on Amazon the other day, I was just I bought something and then for some reason something else popped up and yadaada, yada, yada. We're going to have like 200 bottles of the little apple juices.
Starting point is 00:28:31 We've got to figure out what to do with it. Has Amazon ever contacted you and be like, are you okay? What's your problem? Yeah. Yeah, the little grenade apples. Those are the best. Oh, yeah. I'll have to do something with them.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Yeah. Marinelli's? Martinelli's. Yeah, Martinelli's. Corner of the market. What's it called? What's your thing called, TJ? Fire sticks?
Starting point is 00:28:49 Chinese yo-yo. Chinese yo-yo. What's the difference in a Chinese yo-yo? Oh, you're talking about the Diablo. That shit is awesome. Chinese yo-yo. The cellist? Hey.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Yo-yo Ma's cousin, little nepotist. That's from School of Rock's soundtrack. Look at that. All right, what am I looking at here? Chinese Yo-Yo. You never seen this? Damn, he throws that shit so high. He just keeps saying Chinese Yo-Yo.
Starting point is 00:29:21 But that is not his. I know, but how are they doing that? That's not that closely related to our yo-yo. It's two sticks with a long string. Yeah, you can't even call that a yo-yo. That is not that closely enough to our yo-yo. You can throw Chinese in front of any common thing and it's a completely different thing. Yeah, like Chinese checkers and checkers.
Starting point is 00:29:35 It's not that similar at all, brother. We're Chinese finger trap. That's nothing like our finger trap. Our finger traps are crazy. They're pretty... We have normal finger traps. What's your finger trap ranking? I think ours is crazier.
Starting point is 00:29:49 That's really impossible to get out. What's your ranking of fly traps, planetary-wise? Oh, Tasmanian. Tasmanian's up there. What planet has the best fly traps? Can you purchase a Venus fly trap? Damn. Tasmanian isn't a flytrap.
Starting point is 00:30:06 That's a devil. That's a devil. That is a devil. Venus flytrap seems so cool when you were a kid. The devil's making plans. You're just going to fucking eat everything. You just put your finger there
Starting point is 00:30:15 and it's going to digest itself when it closes. There's a video of a slug escaping from one and it kind of... I didn't like it because I didn't want the slug to get...
Starting point is 00:30:24 It demystified it? It demystified it. Like people like people can bugs can get out of this thing yeah that's from a slug yeah killable thing a slug went dead into it and you think it's done and the slug just i was led to believe it was like a bear trap yeah just like touch that snapshot yeah we're big on uh bugs in my house right now my son's like scared that bugs are going to come and get him in the middle of the night. Cicada summer. It's like the double cicada. I'm excited about that. It's both types. It's going to be double. The highest ranking for this song. That sucks. It happens
Starting point is 00:30:53 very rarely. You hear that noise? No, it doesn't. It happens every year. The one in Mississippi is every 13 years and it's happening this year. It happened the year I graduated high school and we graduated and you can hear on the videotape. Oh, so this is just nostalgia for you. It is, yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:08 You lost your virginity to cicadas. Oh, no. I said the year I graduated high school. Oh, okay. That's cicadas. I didn't lose my virginity until nine years later. Idiot. That's known.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Did you guys have stink bugs? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we just rolled with that. What happened to fireflies? I feel like those guys don't. No, they're around. Oh, you got it.
Starting point is 00:31:26 They're around. You got to go out to the sticks. You guys fuck with roly-polies? Oh, yeah. Oh, I can talk bugs all day long. Yeah. I'm about done. I'm about tapped.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Prey and mantises. Prey and mantises are the coolest animals we have. They're incredible. I told my son I would kill any bug that came into his room. Don't do that. What if a ladybug came? Well, he got me. He was just like, well, what if a butterfly comes in here i was like fuck you gotta squash it it's like
Starting point is 00:31:48 i'm not gonna kill a butterfly i think a butterfly rises above being called a bug brandon hey congrats on the two new housemates thank you man i appreciate that daryl and cheryl are you worried about their behavior yes i don't know how to how they behave what are you talking about it was caitlin had to stand on guard to make sure they didn't kill themselves because they were acting suicidal. What are you talking about? I have birds. Brandon has birds now. He has two parrots.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Parakeets. Yep. They're here. You walked right past them when you came in. Oh, I was trying to feed them. Go get them, Brandon. Some jalapenos yesterday. Go get them. Yeah, you were trying to feed my birds. Wait, the birds are here? Yeah. Go get them. Why don't you letenos. Wait, the birds are here? Yeah. Go get them. Man, why don't you let them out?
Starting point is 00:32:27 I love birds. I love birds. Caging a bird is the most cruel thing that you can do. Yeah, the bird wants some freedom. If I go get birds, y'all aren't going to fuck with them, right? No. I'm taking them to Tommy already knows. Is letting them out fucking with them? No, it's actually the most humane thing.
Starting point is 00:32:39 We're not letting the birds out. We have to. No, we can't because Tommy knows they're coming. If they get away and we... All right, go get them. We'll assess the situation. No, no. Get the birds. letting the birds out. We have to. No, we can't because Tommy knows they're coming. If they get away. All right, go get them. We'll assess the situation. No, no. Get the birds. Get the birds.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Go get the birds. This is Tommy you're messing with. Go get the birds. What do you mean? We're not going to fuck with the birds. Would you get a cat and just leave it in a box? $20. $20 birds.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Sorry. It's the truth. This guy's watching wrestling as he's like, I'm going to kill this bird. All right. By the way, BetterHelp. Yak is sponsored by BetterHelp. It can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin, especially with social gatherings picking up after the winter.
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Starting point is 00:33:48 Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash yak today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash yak. How's everyone's movie going to turn out? That's a good question. Who's team one? We'll find out on Friday. Oh, me.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Like team number one? Team number one. That's me. Are you guys embezzling? Yeah. We had a $5,000 budget. We spent $125. We're going to do a $4,800 dinner.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Money. Nice. We're kind of in the same boat. We spent basically $ dollars five thousand dollars was too much money way too much yeah but you guys are embezzling it did you guys ever think about doing like a brewster's million with five thousand dollars what's that like having brewster's million was a movie where he had him he got inherited a million dollars but he had to spend it in 30 days with no assets oh that's cool brandon can
Starting point is 00:34:45 you help me out bruce there's millions yeah can they eat almonds no they can't eat almonds can they eat hawaiian pizza hawaiian pizza surely i like surely a lot all right just let them out first you need to get a bigger don't let the birds out i do i'm gonna buy a bigger cage tomorrow i'm gonna go to the pet store which one's cheryl uh cheryl's the one the blue one she was acting awful when... Yeah. Oh, they are suicidal. They're not suicidal.
Starting point is 00:35:08 They're chilling. They're chilling. Wait, not an almond, Roan. Cheryl's the... No. Oh, don't give me an almond. No, they're a lot better now that they're together. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:16 They're seasoned nuts. They don't eat seasoned nuts. What are those? What are... Those are not... That's bird seed. Seeds and nuts. They can for sure eat...
Starting point is 00:35:24 TJ, can parakeets eat cantaloupe? Can you just take one out so I can hold it? No. Why take it out? I want to hold it. Wait, guys. If I go home and I can't give these birds to Tommy. Nuts from our city.
Starting point is 00:35:36 What do you think he's going to do when you bring that cage to him? He's going to be very excited. Birds love nuts. What's he going to do with the bird? Take him out. It says birds love nuts. Yeah, you can absolutely give it to him. That's a spice.
Starting point is 00:35:46 That has stuff. It doesn't. Look. Those spiced almonds don't exist in the wild. No. No. No. I vote no.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Google says right there. You feed them. This is from a confectioner. All right. Don't feed it. This is confection. You know what? You know what?
Starting point is 00:36:00 Don't feed your birds. This is confection. You're right. You're right. Starve your birds. That's a confection, not just a raw nut. Hungry bird is a great bird. Now, hungry birds run faster.
Starting point is 00:36:08 You can give it a whole pizza pizza. Yeah, that is actually something they find in the wild all the time. Yeah, put that through the grate. Pizza pizza. Just know. Just finish the thought. All right, fine. All right.
Starting point is 00:36:29 Hi, birds. Now they're going to see Roan eating the pizza, their pizza, and they're going to want to kill themselves. Just give me a piece of pineapple. I'll get the pineapple. No, that's bad for birds. How? Really bad.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Why? I don't know. Where do parakeets? Actually do it because then Daryl's cum will taste good that's right when you get sucked off oh it's very they they don't most birds fuck in the air it's violent fucking very fast right they they transmit a load it's not judge speed depends on how the bird looks they just just fucked. That's sick. Not all birds.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Did you guys know any falconers? I don't know any falconers. I just love that he's just chiming in while watching this wrestling match. Every Medieval Times has a falconer. Do we know any falconers? Like dudes who are into falconry. You just want to say you killed my bird like LL Cool J in Deep Blue Sea. There was a guy at the hotel I was staying at on vacation that was just showing up with a falconry. You just want to say you killed my bird like LL Cool J in Deep Blue Sea. There was a guy at the hotel I was staying at
Starting point is 00:37:26 on vacation that was just showing up with a falcon. Really? I took a picture of him. I love falcons. He was like blind in his eyes though. Oh, the falcon did it? Did you blind the whole eye or was it just like a horse? The guy or the falcon? The falcon. Oh. I thought the guy was blind.
Starting point is 00:37:42 It's like a leather hood, right? Yeah, it just feels like torture. The bird can't fly. Oh. I thought the guy was blind. It's like a leather hood, right? Random woodpecker. Yeah, it just feels like torture. Like the bird can't fly, you can't see. Yeah, and now this is bad karma that you're putting this on us. We should probably let these birds out. I think woodpeckers are cooler birds than they get credit for. Woodpeckers are annoying.
Starting point is 00:37:58 No, they're very cool. When I hear that noise, I think, wow, I'm in the woods. That's awesome. I like a woodpecker. Love a woodpecker. Love a woodpecker. And they're cool looking. I don't think you know what you're saying. And they're cool looking.
Starting point is 00:38:12 You ever seen a good woodpecker? Are they multicolored? Yeah, they're red, white, and blue. They're not red, white, and blue. They're red and white. Are you thinking of a bald eagle? There are absolutely red, white, and blue woodpeckers. What cereal was Woody Woodpecker the mascot for? He wasn't.
Starting point is 00:38:28 He was with Billy. That's not red, white, and blue? That's red, white, and black. That shit's goofy. No. That motherfucker, to eat, he just goes to a tree, makes his own hole, and then sucks Now, Blue Jays are sick. Blue Jays aren't better than...
Starting point is 00:38:45 Orioles. Orioles are cool, too. Never see orioles. Hummingbirds. No, that's a bird. Nah. Hardly. You're fucking showing off.
Starting point is 00:38:54 I'm buying Mama. That's what I'm getting for Mother's Day. I'm getting one of those hummingbird feeder cameras. That's a terrible gift. I'm going to get her, too. That is a great gift. My mother will love that gift. A hummingbird?
Starting point is 00:39:03 Have you seen the... A hummingbird feeder camera. Oh, I think youmingbird A hummingbird feeder camera With a Oh They sell those hats With like the long bills And then you can put like Bird feeders at the end of them Yeah Nick has one
Starting point is 00:39:10 Nick has a long billed hat Whoa Birds are very smart Condor Is that a vulture? TJ went to the zoo I saw one this weekend He's been wanting to talk condors
Starting point is 00:39:20 Condor Of that size? Dude they just stand Like this They just They stand there and they go full full wingspan and look at each other it's awesome they just stand there and do nothing for like an nba draft prospect it's like playing zone defense these guys are beautiful man they need to have a little bit more fun you think jim boeheim ever thought about getting a condor i bet he did it's not i don't know why Caitlin left it like this.
Starting point is 00:39:46 She took her ass to Mississippi and now I'm sitting here with an unattached birdcage. She took her ass to Mississippi. What if we close this? No, we'll never get them. Put it in the studio. We'll never get them. Let them out in the studio. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Come on, Brandon. You gotta close the doors. You gotta close the doors. Yeah. Come on, Brandon. You got to close the doors. You got to close the doors. No, I don't. Why do I have to close the doors? You're the one who's going to let him out. They're your birds. So here's what's going to happen. You and Roan are leaving at 115.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Y'all are just going to up and leave, and then it's just going to be up to me to chase the birds. You're going to be late to McGraw. You were relying on me and Roan to get the birds? Roan seems like a bird. I'm anti-letting them out. Oh. I'm pro just constantly telling Brandon he should let them out.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Oh. Big difference. I just want that very clear. You're doing it. I hate that. No, I'm not going to do it. Let them get acclimated. They are chilling.
Starting point is 00:40:41 Yeah, they're thinking about fucking killing. They're a little bit more chill than they were yesterday. Are you going put like a um blanket over them does that calm them down there was a blanket over them this morning when I got here that's how they sleep but do they sleep just standing on this grate
Starting point is 00:40:55 shouldn't there be like a little nest in there there's that that thing fell the little rod fell see it's right there so I gotta do some maintenance oh so they're uncomfortable right now That thing fell. The little rod fell. See, it's right there. So I got to do some maintenance. Oh, so they're uncomfortable right now.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Probably. Get a real big... I'm going to get a big cage. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to get a big cage. How big? I want these things in paradise, man. Yeah, I'm going to get them like a five foot cage. Have they sung?
Starting point is 00:41:20 Hello. They were singing during mostly sports. We heard them. Didn't we? Yeah, that's right. No, I was just whistling. I were singing during mostly sports. We heard them. Didn't we? Yeah, yeah, that's right. No, I was just whistling. I know why the cage birds. Damn, I think I love birds, dude.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Can they talk? I'm in eighth grade. You should watch Birdcage with your kids. No. Teach them something. That's Robin Williams. Teach them how to say something, Brandon. My kids?
Starting point is 00:41:42 The parakeet. What do you want me to teach them to say? I don't know. Why? Yeah, why? That parakeet. What do you want me to teach them to say? I don't know. Why? Yeah, why? That'd be awesome. Yeah, that would be sick if the bird just said, why? Oh, they're just looking at each other.
Starting point is 00:41:53 Does a parrot in Alabama have an accent? Oh, they're kissing. Yeah. Oh, my God. They just kissed. They're so cute. Wait, they are. They are cute.
Starting point is 00:42:02 They're in love. Who won that match? There's so many matches. Spencer Lee won. Gilman won. What about the match with Skillman? Dayton Fix won. Skillman and Bo Bice.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Forrest lost 5-4, the high school saw. Bo Bice? Yeah, Bo Bice. What place did Bo Bice finish in American Idol? Is he the most famous lowest? The most famous lowest, right? That's Young. William Young. William Young, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Oh, they did just talk. Jennifer Hudson finished low, didn't she? He's lost to Carrie Underwood. Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson were both like sixth or seventh, I think. That was Bucky Covington's season. That's my guy. When he sang Simple Man. He's kind of looking at me.
Starting point is 00:42:47 I don't like it. Hi. Do you want me to take him out? No, I might have to punch this bird. Why isn't Connor sitting at Connor's Corner? Connor's Bistro? I thought it was Connor's Corner. Bistro.
Starting point is 00:42:58 No, it's his Bistro. Oh, he's right there today. Okay, that was that way. What was that way? I don't know. Che's not here, so usually when he's not here, I fill in to his seat and cut clips, and it's easier to cut clips over here than it is at the bistro.
Starting point is 00:43:15 So you're Che today? In a way, maybe. All right, well, let's talk eating pussy. Oh, brother. Brother. Brandon, you don't want to do this. Oh, God damn it. That's true. Oh, brother. I'm the brother. Brandon, you don't want to do this. Oh, God damn it. That's true.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Oh, brother. You don't want to do this. TJ, you want to spin the wheel? Because Ronan and I do have to leave soon. Rough and Rowdy, by the way, tonight is going to be incredible. It always is. Did you see any of the weigh-in drama? So awesome.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Of that 6 six nine dude yeah shoving it took like 18 people to stop him it was like mystic river-esque and so we have 23 fights tonight it's all new which i think is going to be incredible because one when you have new guys who have not boxed there's probably gonna be to be more knockouts. Yes. Because usually the guys who've done it a bunch know the tricks. Yeah. And then, too, we're just going to get some wild new characters. Like the first time. Remember when we found out the Abel Brothers?
Starting point is 00:44:14 We're going to find a new Abel Brothers. There's going to be a few new characters that come out of this. Yes. Regulars, even. Yes. They're in Clarksburg, Kyle. Clarksburg. Omegimbo.
Starting point is 00:44:23 Tenth biggest city in West Virginia Yeah with only like fucking 15,000 Yeah probably right Right below Beckley Is it at the armory? Yeah I love it at an armory They can't separate You want to be professional? Yeah, I do want to fucking try. Yeah, I do want to fucking try.
Starting point is 00:44:48 They can't separate all this shit. You're on the ground already, you fat fuck. You're on the ground already. You want to touch me? Yeah, but he fell down. You want to touch me and not be professional? I'm going to fucking kill you. Oh, no. Guy's still on the ground looking up at him.
Starting point is 00:44:59 If you get to the second round, you're going to be fucking dead. You hear me? You fucking hear me? That's going to be a good one. That's going to be a good one. That's going to be a good one. Yeah, so buy rnr.com. Please do buy. I'm rooting for the fat guy. No, dude. You're going to be on the wrong side
Starting point is 00:45:14 of history. Really? Okay. I mean, that guy, he was sitting on the ground looking up at him. But he fell because of his fatness. He didn't fall because of his fatness. But he didn't get up, though. He stayed down because of his fatness, too. Yeah, but if he had gotten knocked down, you get up immediately but he knew that. Also, the fat guy was just trying to have some cheeky fun. Just kind of throwing his belly
Starting point is 00:45:30 out a little bit. That's all he was doing. That guy, the reaction went too far too fast. From the biker? Is that what we're calling him? I mean, did you see the vest he was in? That's like a pagan, like he's in a biker gang somehow. Which means he's fucking people up, probably stabbing people. Oh, he's going to win.
Starting point is 00:45:45 But I see your point, Brandon. Maybe you'd cheer for the underdog. Yeah. I got a brand new suit, too. And maybe some shoes I'm thinking about doing. What kind? They kind of actually look like Dorothy's shoes. Red?
Starting point is 00:45:59 Yeah. I can picture those real easy. Yeah. They're high heels as well. What the hell? Very cool. I haven't decided. I'll show them to you, Rowan, when we get in the car.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Might as well wear them. I don't know. What's the downside? You gotta wear them now. I'm not that guy, pal. You're not that gauche? I'm not that guy, pal. Yeah, TJ, spin the wheel just so Rowan and I...
Starting point is 00:46:21 If we need to get wet, we'll get wet. At Rough and Rowdy, you can be whoever you want. That's true. Wow. Oh. Oh, we'll get wet. At Rough and Rowdy, you can be whoever you want. That's true. Wow. Oh, no. Oh! That's not bad. I thought we got rid of this. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh!
Starting point is 00:46:36 Feels like the first time together. Birds are on the wheel. Ha ha ha ha ha! Put them on, TJ, Cheryl and Daryl. It just nodded yes. Put them on. Wait, who's who?
Starting point is 00:47:00 Blue is? Daryl. Daryl. Yeah, Cheryl was here yesterday. No, no, blue was here yesterday. That's Cheryl. That's not true. It was green that Daryl. Yeah, Cheryl was here yesterday. No, no, blue was here yesterday. That's Cheryl. That's not true. It was green that was here yesterday?
Starting point is 00:47:07 Yeah, green was here. Okay. That's not green. That's yellow. That's tennis ball yellow. They're screaming. They love each other. Chartreuse.
Starting point is 00:47:15 Are tennis balls yellow or green? Yes. Oh, let's not do this. Let's not be conscious. Oh, no. Okay. Well, we got one for mostly if y'all want to get in a fight. What?
Starting point is 00:47:24 Watch us settle it with diplomacy and get the answer. Okay, Connor Griffin. I'm getting told I'm wrong about this, and I didn't know I was wrong about this until today. Well, don't tell us which side anyone's on. Okay. Do these two words rhyme? I'll write them on the screen. Yes.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Do these two words rhyme? Ron will decide this in a second. No, but not like... I'll be the King Solomon of this. Yeah, but be very fair about it. Don't just... Because Eminem can rhyme a lot of words. Chop the words in half long ways. Is that what King Solomon did?
Starting point is 00:47:51 He wanted to chop the boy in half? Or he offered to. The N word? Tor. Four. Those the two? Yes. Certainly do. They absolutely don't. What are y'all doing? Four and four.
Starting point is 00:48:06 Tour. Four. That's two different sounds. Tour. Four. That's two different sounds. No. Tour.
Starting point is 00:48:13 PGA Tour. One, two, three, four. This was one of the stupidest arguments I've ever been in my life. And we're getting told we're wrong. TJ, you're saying they do rhyme. You're very wrong. You're very wrong. Titus and Brandon don't think it rhymes.
Starting point is 00:48:25 And the internet is on their side. You're very wrong. It rhymes. Titus and Brandon don't think it rhymes. It's a tour. The internet is on their side. That's right. It's not like a – Well, these are – Tour. Mark, it's impossible to try to explain to these guys. Tour.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Tour. They'll never – They don't get it. They don't get it. It's a regional – They never do. The word tour is a regional – It's tour.
Starting point is 00:48:43 Tour. More like – Tour. That rhymes with sewer before four. Correct. Right. The word tour is a regional. It's tour. Tour. More like. Tour. That rhymes with sewer before four. Correct. Right. Yes. Right.
Starting point is 00:48:48 Thank you. I'm on a world tour. Do you want more? Yeah, but that. That's Jay-Z. Yeah. So Connor and TJ tried to play that card. I pointed out that T-Pain rhymed Wisconsin with mansion.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Yeah, it rhymes. So say. But he did what with them? He did what with-Pain rhymed Wisconsin with mansion. Yeah, it rhymes. So saying... But he did what with them? He did what with them? He rhymed them. No, yeah, he rhymed them. Near rhyme. So what I'm saying is
Starting point is 00:49:12 using song to prove your point isn't exactly right. It's not exactly right. And they were manipulating phonemes. No. What did you just say? Phonemes. Homophones.
Starting point is 00:49:26 Right away you said it like that, brother. Stop. Ew. How am I? Yeah. You don't want to rope? Spread those legs. I guess you gotta.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Yowza. Sharon Stone us, my brother. I got lucky today was grass skirt day. Can you, TJ, can we see if these birds are going to die on the mousetrap? I don't think they'd die. They'd be hurt and then die. It'd be painful? Yeah. They'd be hurt for about a day. Cheryl and Daryl on the mousetrap.
Starting point is 00:49:56 If it lands on them I'm going to take them and run away and never come back. Save their lives. I think the wheel will be just. I think it's going to be like the prestige. I think the wheel will be just. I think it's going to be like the prestige. I think the wheel will be just. I don't think there's any chance they're going to kill these.
Starting point is 00:50:16 I'll actually say this right now. Brandon, you could take it and eliminate both. Wait, do we have the airsoft gun? Brandon, we could make Cheryl and Daryl your name. No, I've already been eliminated. I know, but if you want to save them.
Starting point is 00:50:35 No, I'm going to make you guys go through the motions of putting these fucking birds on a mousetrap. I'm going to make you guys publicly do that in front of everybody. They're both still on there. Yikes. Uh-oh. I'll save you guys. Don't worry. Also.
Starting point is 00:50:52 Look, they're quivering. Why don't you show them? Oh, look at Daryl. This thing was off the wheel until you came in here. You sky dove in here. You sky dived in here. You sky div in in here. And you just dropped mousetrap back on the wheel and then you left.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Did Daryl go off? Daryl went off. Okay, good. He was my favorite. Keep cussing me out. It's helping. TJ, are these skirts the right color green to green screen over where Brandon's penis was? I could try in a little bit.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Perfect shade. Well done. I want to watch a movie in between Brandon's legs. Oh, can I see the guy falling off the propeller in Titanic in between Brandon's legs? I don't want these birds to die. I don't either. Oh, look at that. Oh, there we go.
Starting point is 00:51:41 I told you the wheel would come through. They play by the rules. They are locked in each other's eyes. Yeah, because they knew what was happening. They're like Rose and Jack. All right, TJ, it's just me and you, buddy. Can they fly at all within the cage? Yeah, I tried to touch Daryl earlier and he flew off.
Starting point is 00:52:07 He flew backwards. Up the raw. 1-1. Shouldn't have made that big of a noise. So, Roan, do you want to take Mousetrap off the wheel? Brandon, what do you think? I think Mousetrap is stupid and not funny. It was funny one time, and we just keep doing it,
Starting point is 00:52:32 and it shouldn't be on the wheel. You realize that your reaction right now is making it funnier. This. 3-1 me If TJ comes back, we can take it off That's a good deal Look at that 3-2
Starting point is 00:53:04 3-2 Damn Damn. All right, TJ. The wheel is just. Yeah, you can do it at the end of the show. The wheel is just. Brandon, you have your outfit for tonight? My wife picked out my outfit three days ago. Cool.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Also, your spurs are underneath the parquet of the floor right now. You just have to dig them up in the middle of the concert. Okay. I buried them. Thank you. Or I had them buried. Thank you, thank you. Good work. Are you guys going to Talgate? I am. Outside? I don't know. Outside of Fiserv? Are you not staying at the Trade Hotel right across the street, are you?
Starting point is 00:53:37 I am. It's such a good hotel. I'm staying there. The autograph collection. You can use my Marriott points if you want. I'm using my own. My house is only 40 minutes away. I offered. How are you getting home then the next day, Nick? Drive.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Oh, hell yes. Look at his pubes. Whoa. Those are his pubes. Oh, his pubes. Yuck. Come on, Brandon. Brandon's long black pubes
Starting point is 00:54:06 Come on man Kyle who won the wrestling There's like four matches going on at once Did Suriano win? No Lost to Dayton Fix Yeah it's a Oh man
Starting point is 00:54:16 I know Those are some really cool fucking names Are you hip with Suriano TJ? Yeah we've met a couple times His weird ass Instagram post I'm fascinated by him. He's an odd dude. There's a couple most interesting guys in wrestling.
Starting point is 00:54:29 He's high on the list. He is, yeah. What about his posts? He just does Handsome Tuesday. Yeah. He just looks into the camera and doesn't really do anything in particular. He's very mysterious. He has an interesting face.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Maybe. Someone say handsome. Did you guys see Ryan Garcia? Yeah, what's up with him? He's kind of losing his mind. Oh, Handsome Tuesday. Not losing. The train has left the station.
Starting point is 00:55:05 You spent a week with him. Yeah. Yeah. For Showtime. Could you have seen that coming? At that time, he was in his depressed bird in a cage era. But it was just a completely different side of the manic depressive. I think that he's more on a manic swing right now
Starting point is 00:55:25 And that was the depressive Era of it for sure And it sucked He bet his opponent Haney $500,000 If either of them are overweight Every pound they're overweight Haney proposed that bet
Starting point is 00:55:41 To a mentally unstable man And Garcia said yes Was one of them projected to miss weight Well Garcia missed weight by three pounds Haney proposed that bet to a mentally unstable man. And Garcia said yes. Was one of them projected to miss weight? Well, Garcia missed weight by three pounds. Oh, he did. Yeah, $1.5 million. Jesus. So, yikes.
Starting point is 00:55:55 How does that work with the fight? They can still fight, but they can't fight for a belt. So, the guy just got fat and made $1.5 million and he's crazy? No, no, no. He owes $1.5 million. Oh, he owes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:56:10 My balls got too heavy and back gained too much muscle from carrying the promo and my fingers got stronger from all the tweets. They got in a fight on Tyler O'Day's building.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Yeah. They got in a shoving match on the Empire State. He's been going crazy. He's been, he was on some like Bohemian Grove shit. He was acting like he got abducted. He acted possessed. It's not good.
Starting point is 00:56:31 He's been having a full-on deep psychosis break. It's probably unhealthy for people to let him fight. So is he going to get ragdolled? I don't know. For boxers, it's probably good. Man, he's probably good. But I think his boy beat Lobachenko. Haney beat Lobachenko. He's like the best?
Starting point is 00:56:57 I mean, but Garcia is really, really good too. He was a young stud that he got knocked out. He had like golden boy status. He just was at the Mets game with De La Hoya. He was cursing out the Mets. I don't fucking know. He's not well. Yeah, you got sent to San Diego to do that.
Starting point is 00:57:11 Spent a week with him, yeah. I was in the middle of Florida. Yeah. Who's your guy? Wasn't he like a- Emmanuel Togo. Togo, yes. He's got to go. Good ass line.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Good ass line. Rome, we should probably leave because Spider said be there by 1.30. Okay, let's go. Exactly. You guys flying with the tank? What? Flying with the tank? The tank will be on our flight? Everyone please buy
Starting point is 00:57:37 Rough and Rowdy tonight. It's going to be awesome. I'm very excited. And I'll wear my new shoes if enough people buy. Yes, what is enough? If one million people buy. I will just wear my shoes. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:57:53 The most naked man possible. Have fun, boys. Safe travels. Thank you. We'll say hi to West Virginia for you guys. By all means. Martinsburg is barely in West Virginia. That's almost.
Starting point is 00:58:04 This is Clarksburg. Clarksburg is where Well, this is Clarksburg. Clarksburg is where I'm at. Clarksburg? Where's Clarksburg? Wait, where is it in the state of West Virginia? North Central, just south of Morgantown. Oh, I had it confused with Martinsburg. You'd like Bluefield. Boys. Bluefield.
Starting point is 00:58:20 No. It's eternally spring. Appreciate you. Don't get beat up. Don't snipe anyone's barrels. Don't snipe anyone's barrels. It's eternally spring. Appreciate you. How bronze are you going to be when you get back? That's the biggest goal. They'll be at my house when you get back. Yeah, be careful day one. I'll bring them in some. You could ruin the whole vacation.
Starting point is 00:58:41 Get a little eager to get that sun. I know, I know. Catch a little too much of it. I should have worked on it prior. What's the best Hawaii movie? It's Forgetting Sarah Marshall, right? Yes. Me the Kunis? She's never done it for me.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Not even in that movie? Buddy, you're gay. I love her. I can't separate her from Meg. You sound like you're fucking Meg. I don't ever think about Meg when I think about her. I think about her forgetting Sarah Marshall every time I hear her name. She had a run, but it's over.
Starting point is 00:59:17 Wait. Is she a non-armpit shaver? No. Or non-shower? I don't know. Kutcher and her. Don't they? They're non-showers?
Starting point is 00:59:24 They're non-showers. They're non-showers. They're non-shower, yeah. And they're Malasek's. Okay. Yeah. I think Malasek's leaning into just being more gay these days. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:34 It's not as fun to rip on him about it. Yeah, I came out in my shorts and he, he's had some inappropriate things. Very mean. I think I'm going to be okay, but it was a lot. You're not going to recover. No. Who's he going to recover. No. Who's he next to? McCarthy.
Starting point is 00:59:49 What's McCarthy do? I think he sits there a lot. Sits there and drives a Mercedes. That's all I know about him. He's a world-class vacationer, right? World-class. Yeah, he's a world-class vacationer, I guess is the best way to say it. That's what Kyle said.
Starting point is 01:00:05 He takes short – Well said, Brendo. He's not a non-announcer of vacations. He'll just be on one, yeah. Yeah. How are you guys going to look in the behind the scenes of the movie festival? Any of you guys turn into monsters or divas? Hmm.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Malice and Kyle almost killed each other a bunch yeah um that script but like yeah i don't know it was playful banter but otherwise yeah i don't really i don't think malicek rolled up with two movies that already existed yeah yeah malicek wrote the departed um yeah he we had a really a really fun moment there. Yeah, Tommy Smokes wanted to be in an insane asylum, and then he wanted to blow our money on getting women he could have sex scenes with, which I think was kind of brilliant on his part. But yeah, we actually got along great. There's nothing really to report.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Our movie went pretty smoothly. Ours was probably the least smooth. During the yak, me and Brandon were, well, Brandon was the adult in the room and we left for the yak and there was an Italian spat.
Starting point is 01:01:12 Yeah, when we weren't there. They never did that when we weren't there. They never acknowledged, they hid it from us. Yeah. Who were Fasoli and Smokes had a very animated hand argument.
Starting point is 01:01:27 Over the direction of the film? No. This didn't happen around us. Vicky smokes being mad about this because his hairline looks bad too. It's so vivid. When you left to go to the fucking heat game, everyone was like, oh, thank God. That's just throwing us under the bus there. It's not my fault.
Starting point is 01:01:58 Let us talk about him. I had a date. It's different. Anyway, I just sat. What a great by the way. He also did leave for the heat game. Dude, I didn't do anything. I sat I sat there I sent my high noon I threw out a couple lines I thought were funny and if they got swatted great and if they got added fantastic
Starting point is 01:02:13 I'm doing my job it's Nicky Quickie's job to be the fucking funny one it's my job to stand here and do what he says and I've done my job no what have I not done my job. No. The director? No.
Starting point is 01:02:27 What have I not done? What have I not done that you're claiming that I'm not doing as a director? Well, answer my question first, and I'll ask you first. Also saying Nicky Clicky in an argument voice. People thought Nicky was the only person in the writer's room. How? Drop that name, huh? People were just annoyed.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Okay, well, what else is new? People annoyed at Nicky Smokes. Breaking news. And then he was just really mad about? People annoyed at Nicky Smokes. Breaking news. And then he was just really mad about his hairline. Yeah. And then he called me. He calls me too much. He called me last night.
Starting point is 01:02:52 He was like, should I shave my head? Oh, he's freaking, yeah. And I was like, no. And he was like, yeah, the angle was from low. And I was like, well, you're taller than every girl that you've ever talked to. That's what they say. Get them on the pills. Do you think your movies turned out well?
Starting point is 01:03:11 Obviously, there's a lot of work left to be done. I heard great things about Nick's, and I know the plot, which I'm excited about. Nick's and Brandon's. Oh, yeah. You're in that shit. We weren't too overly ambitious, I'll tell you that. We were. So we whooped up on the beginning. The middle and you that. We were. So we whooped up on the beginning.
Starting point is 01:03:26 The middle and end beat our ass. What time did y'all get through? Late. We were the latest. Probably like 10. But you guys had a night scene. We had a night scene so we were pretty late too. Yeah, we were out for a while.
Starting point is 01:03:42 I got really fired up about ours. It was very fun. It was very fun to do. We might just start making movies just a while. I got really fired up about ours. It was very fun. It was very fun to do. Yeah. We might just start making movies just for fun. I think our group, we might just do it next month. Just get together every now and then. Yeah, just get together, make a 48-hour movie.
Starting point is 01:03:56 I think it's going to be a yearly thing. Yeah, I don't hate it. What was the biggest hurdle? Anything that you drafted? Cohesion. We felt like there were way too many elements. Yours made a lot of sense. You had a great draft.
Starting point is 01:04:13 But no. You have six fucking things to put in a ten minute movie. It was crazy. I'm not going to put a fucking genre in my movie. Fuck that. We had dance. We had choreographed dance and that that was the longest thing it took to shoot i think the dance would be about 15 seconds yeah
Starting point is 01:04:31 and it took an hour and a half to shoot took an hour and a half to shoot i at one point i had to spin and i forgot got the yips i got the yips i started spinning the wrong way and couldn't get out of it for an hour and a half i lost my mind mind, and then Brandon got tired. You hurt your back. I hurt my back, yeah. There was a spin. There was a lot. But eventually we got it. Ish. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:52 We got it enough. But our team got along good. People were getting really sentimental. I think it was a good exercise for some. We're having a dinner. Team dinner. Yeah, we got to spend the rest of our budget. What can you get for $4,000 around here?
Starting point is 01:05:10 Dinner-wise. Probably nothing. What? You could go to yeah, there are a lot of restaurants, but could you get in? TJ, can you search best restaurants under $4,000 in Chicago? We'll see Brandon I don't have my outfit yet picked out
Starting point is 01:05:31 you don't? is that going to take all afternoon? yeah I'm going to be late to the show can I park at your hotel? I don't know what song are you most excited about? Brandon and I were talking about this
Starting point is 01:05:46 a little on air but then we were talking about it off air can I just say something? he thinks the bathroom break should be on Don't Take the Girl I said it should be on any new album I was working under the assumption that he's playing just the hits if he's playing just the hits
Starting point is 01:06:01 you leave Don't Take the Girl I gotta listen to Don't Take the Girl. Why? Because I like it. How do you dance at a country concert? You don't. What do you do? Sway.
Starting point is 01:06:10 You sway. Are you going to put your hands up? Bob your head a little bit? Put the phone up maybe? No, I'm not doing that. Well, that's what people do. You don't have to do it. I think you sway.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Maybe you put your best gal in front of you and you sway together a little bit. No. No sway? Yeah, no. You put the girl in front of you and you sway together a little bit no no no sway yeah no you put you put the girl in front of you and you you sway a little bit yeah arms around the waist you know you want yeah yeah maybe if it gets really good she just does he have any like one of these up kisses does he do party songs can you sway it you can sway like it the fast song because like you don't sway the fast song you sway on the on the make out sing along yeah yeah you sing along you guys don't sway on the fast song. You sway on the make out song. You sing along already fast. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:46 You sing along. You guys don't be too cool to sing. You ain't got to worry about me, buddy. I'm going to sing. I don't... Fast song? When you're playing something like that, you're not going to be spooning and swaying. No.
Starting point is 01:06:59 Well, you need to break from spooning and swaying. Yeah. Speak for yourself. Hmm. I don't know. I haven't been to a country concert swaying. Yeah. Speak for yourself. Hmm. I don't know. I haven't been to a country concert in ages. Wow. It's been probably 15 years for me.
Starting point is 01:07:10 Why'd you guys come? I wasn't invited. What? Until just right now. Tim McGraw didn't invite you? No. He didn't invite us either. We just bought tickets.
Starting point is 01:07:18 Hmm. I'll wait until he comes to Chicago. May 31st. I'm going to that one. You're going to that one too? I didn't know you were this big of a McGraw head. I'm not, but my daughter loves it. But this was an opportunity to go out with you guys, with my wife.
Starting point is 01:07:34 So we're going to do that. And then when he comes to Chicago, I'm just going to take my daughter to it. Does your wife sip before concerts? Is she going to sip a little bit? She'll sip some wine. No, she'll sip a cocktail. She'll sip a cocktail. Are you guys going to go before concerts? Is she going to sip a little bit? What, her? She'll sip some wine. No, she'll sip a cocktail. She'll sip a cocktail. She's still going to go out.
Starting point is 01:07:47 Are you guys going to go out afterwards, after party? Afterwards, certainly not. Before, right? Before. Yeah, before. Afterwards, we'll go straight home. Faith Hill appearance. Nelly appearance.
Starting point is 01:08:00 No, and no. Florida Georgia Line appearance, maybe. Possibly. Maybe, what other? Jody Messina, he did that one song with? The Rain. Can you sing The Rain? Does she sing Redneck Woman?
Starting point is 01:08:11 No, that's Gretchen Wilson. Kyle, who's the shirt of the girl? What shirt do you have? Gretchen Wilson. I had a Gretchen Wilson. That's a good song. Who sings Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been On? Shania Twain.
Starting point is 01:08:26 She's great. Yeah. She was the hotness for a while. Did you ever go see Shania Twain on Wheeling Island? It was her tribute. Oh, dude, I went there for New Year's Eve once. How good was she? I went to the Greyhounds and watched Shania Twain. They're fraternal.
Starting point is 01:08:47 And Twain took a lot of the nutrients. Are you letting these birds out or what? I'm not letting the birds out. Why don't we shut the door? I don't think it happened. They don't really do anything. I'm frustrated by them not doing anything. I won't even play with them if you take them out
Starting point is 01:09:06 because I don't want to be attached to this they've been through a big life change over the last 24 hours they're going to be through a bigger one when I take them home so I don't want to rile them up but what do they do they do nothing they've been staring directly at you what does anything do
Starting point is 01:09:22 damn fucking got me. Shut that shit down. Oh, Bluey doesn't like that. I always did think tennis balls were green, but I guess they are yellow. That's all I'll say about that. Yeah. What are you doing this weekend, Mark?
Starting point is 01:09:44 I don't know, man. I don't know. You started this week in turks and keikos yeah how do i end it i don't know you got a bunch of fucking laundry to do yeah probably that's probably what i do yeah do some laundry um clean that's about it find a dive bar around my house you You haven't found one yet? I found a few, yeah. I just haven't found the one. Yeah. You'll know when you find it?
Starting point is 01:10:10 Yeah. Have you gotten close? Yeah, we got a few candidates, yeah. There are a lot of, Chicago's a great dive bar city. Yeah. I didn't realize that until I moved here, but they're- What turns a bar into a dive bar?
Starting point is 01:10:20 Filth, grime. Yeah. Yeah. But if you're in a bar that you like everything, and you're just like, this isn't quite dirty enough? Or do you just call it a dye bar to make it? I think there's a je ne sais quoi. You can kind of just tell.
Starting point is 01:10:34 Just tell. Just walk in, you know. Yeah. You know. I like modern. Uh-uh. Clean. No.
Starting point is 01:10:41 Spacious. New. But I get it. TV is important to you? Yeah. Yes. It needs to be TVs. Okay.
Starting point is 01:10:52 I like bars that only have like one or two TVs, though. Food quality? There's something. I want them to have one good thing, everything else dog shit. I separate booze and food, so that doesn't really matter. Music is important. Yeah. Live or just...
Starting point is 01:11:08 Some people like no music or light music, and they like to talk, which is... There's a time for that. My favorite is shitty live music. Just really shitty live music. That you can make fun of at your table? Not even make fun of.
Starting point is 01:11:19 Just like a guy, like an old man's trying his best. He sounds like shit. I do love that. He's playing like Johnny Cash songs. It takes you like three-fourths of the song to realize what song it even is i like that oh it's this ring of fire this is ring of fire the whole time i didn't realize that but when it gets finished you still like raise your beer like yeah at a boy brother yeah yeah yeah i'm not laughing at him at all i'm like this is like i fucking love this um Those are my favorite kind of bar.
Starting point is 01:11:46 Yeah. So. Ready to get to McGraw, aren't you? No, I just have to introduce the kids to my birds. And I have to switch into my outfit. And that could take hours, both of those things. Should I wear that cowboy shirt? What is your outfit?
Starting point is 01:12:04 Yes, you should wear that cowboy shirt. I got a shirt with a cowboy on it. Yeah, wear that. And then I'm going to wear my new neck scarf. I got one for Brandon. Brandon, when are you going on vacation? All three of us have been recently. I've been researching Hawaii for a while to go this year,
Starting point is 01:12:24 but Kyle's either going with one or two people. I'm going to have to take six. And I don't know. It's just very daunting. Couldn't leave the kids at home? I don't want to leave the kids at home. I'd rather take them. I don't want to deprive them of that experience.
Starting point is 01:12:37 Tommy's 12. He's not going to remember it. He's 13. No, it would destroy them if I went to Hawaii with their mother and didn't take them. They would love to go to Hawaii. So I want to take a family vacation. Do you like Florida Keys? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:51 That flight, man. Do Myrtle Beach, man. Florida Keys and Myrtle Beach. You're a Myrtle Beach fan. You're a Myrtle Beach fan. You guys are a Myrtle Beach fan. No, we're not a Myrtle Beach family. You're a North Myrtle Beach fan.
Starting point is 01:13:02 First of all, Florida Keys seems like it's full of... I don't like the vibe. Too old. A lot of people like it's full of, I don't, I don't like, I don't like the vibe too old to a lot of people. I don't like it is too old. I don't like that Myrtle Beach. No. Take them up to a Bethany Beach, Delaware. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:15 What if I took a great beach? Yes. And then you could go down real fast. What if I took them to Hawaii? Take Tommy, take Tommy to the Florida panhandle. You take him to a surf shop. We used to live there. And you look at the big Johnson t-shirts.
Starting point is 01:13:27 Yep. It's a rite of passage for a 13-year-old boy. So I started with Hawaii. You've now got me taking him to Fort Walton Beach. Yes. I think he'd like it more. Yeah. I think they all belong on the Panhandle.
Starting point is 01:13:38 I think Tommy getting his first peek at the big Johnson t-shirts. Tommy lived in Destin, Florida until he was like eight. Oh. No, not eight. Four, five. No. What was he born? Was he born there?
Starting point is 01:13:51 No, he lived there from two to five. There you go. I had to figure it out. Florida Panhandle. That's my vacation. Take him to Corpus Christi, Texas. That's not even a real beach. That's just a brown ass beach with dirty water.
Starting point is 01:14:05 Gatlinburg? Oh, you guys would thrive in Gatlinburg. No, that's not even a real beach. That's just a brown ass beach with dirty water. Gatlinburg? Oh, you guys would thrive in Gatlinburg. Not for me. For you guys. A lot of you guys. I'm sure there's a kid-friendly resort in Hawaii that's perfect. I wouldn't take them to Hawaii. Their experience is going to be the exact same as
Starting point is 01:14:25 a pot pot in the beach. Kind of cliche, man. Honestly. I think you want Hawaii. You're an ego-driven monster. I mean, Kyle's going to Hawaii. Can't Kyle have his Hawaii trip? You know what I do? Traverse City, Michigan. No! Why? That's a nice town. Is that on the
Starting point is 01:14:42 Michigan coast is great. We'll take them to Cape May, New Jersey. I've taken them to Cape May, New Jersey before. Did they love it? It was delightful. Went to Seattle City. Yep. Great.
Starting point is 01:14:52 Went to Cape May. Great. Went to Point Pleasant. Terrible. Went to Bradley Beach. Great. All right. What about...
Starting point is 01:15:00 Is there any nice Georgia beaches? St. Simon's Island is beautiful. I went there with my wife before we had kids. In fact, we might have created a kid there. Which? The first. Really? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:15:13 We had a wedding down there, and we might have created. Yeah. But St. Simon's Island is beautiful. That's about it, though. What about Bloomington, Minnesota in the Mall of America? No, because that doesn't have a beach at all. It's got a roller coaster. Take them to Coronado off of San Diego.
Starting point is 01:15:30 Kids would probably love that. Kids would love that. Coronado off of San Diego seems more difficult than Hawaii. Absolutely not. Dick. Any other beaches? Maybe. Take them to Coronado. Stay in the hotel watch the south dakota
Starting point is 01:15:47 yeah did you know the third biggest city in south dakota only has 28 000 people that's the same deal with west virginia yeah delaware who's got the smallest third biggest city oh it almost has to be let me think let me think. Wyoming. South Dakota's got to be in the mix. Wyoming is Cheyenne, Casper, Laramie. Yeah. Alaska would be. Juneau, Fairbanks. Juneau might be third.
Starting point is 01:16:13 Anchorage, Fairbanks, Juneau. With about 30, though? Yeah. What state has the smallest, third biggest city? We should have a show on. Delaware. We should get a banner. Send it to them.
Starting point is 01:16:21 North Dakota. Oh, wait. North Dakota is far. Vermont. It's got to be Vermont. And that's my final answer. All right. Let, wait. North Dakota is far. Vermont. It's got to be Vermont. And that's my final answer. All right. How do we even Google that?
Starting point is 01:16:30 All right. No, no. Pull it up, team. We start with South Dakota. I know. I'll say for a fact it's Vermont. Oh, my God. What's the third biggest city in Vermont?
Starting point is 01:16:39 Check it out. S. Give me the population of that. Just do Vermont cities by population. Yeah, Vermont city. South Burlington, 20,000. That is smaller than Aberdeen, South Dakota, which is 28. So that might have just done it.
Starting point is 01:16:57 That might not be the winner, though. What's worse? I think somewhere in the team. What about Hampshire? Not New Hampshire. New Hampshire has Manchester and Portsmouth. Maine?
Starting point is 01:17:10 No, Maine has Portland, Bangor, and the capital. Lewiston? Could it be Hawaii? Hawaii would be like Hilo or Pearl City. I don't think it's Hawaii. When do you check the juniper? Delaware.
Starting point is 01:17:26 Wilmington, Dover, New. Check Delaware for us, TJ. Newcastle. He loves 47, so that's not it. Or Smyrna in Delaware. Third in Delaware would be Newcastle, I think, and that's probably a little above. I think it's Vermont.
Starting point is 01:17:43 I think you might have nailed it with Vermont. Yeah, Newark. That's where one of my stalkers is from. Yeah? Yeah. You know where your stalker lives. I know exactly where that motherfucker lives. But one of?
Starting point is 01:17:56 Probably my only one. I haven't heard from him in a couple years. Let's see. Yeah. So Maine's out. Kyle, you might have might have done it what about what's the third biggest city in north dakota fargo bismarck and what uh great falls okay or no grand forks grand forks that's second i think so bismarck that's 50 oh right rhode Island is crawling with people. What's West Virginia's third biggest?
Starting point is 01:18:28 Wheeling? No, it would be Morgantown. I thought that was 30-ish. I thought it was second. Or Parkersburg. Morgantown is that small? I didn't realize that. College makes it bigger. Morgantown is a little bigger.
Starting point is 01:18:41 I like Morgantown. Ish? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's fun. I like the Boston Beanery on Mondays. You know you know. The only titties I've ever seen at the college football show that we carry around was at Morgantown. Man or woman?
Starting point is 01:18:55 It was a woman. It was a woman. God almighty. They pulled up a truck and they backed it up to the stage and she just sat there like that. Oh, don't sat there like that. The heart don't forget something like that. She had a fat old titties in my heart. I like titties.
Starting point is 01:19:17 I'm on the fence. Don't do it for me. Oh man. Being anti-titty would be very funny not like not like not being a titty guy but just being very anti-titty what does that look like like anti-big titty or yeah just like how do you i can't like any titty it's like it's like whoa leave your top on her titty i can't i can't like anti-titty would mean no-titty. No, the viewpoint. Not, yeah, the viewpoint of being anti-titty. Like, as a man, looking at a woman.
Starting point is 01:19:52 Role play this. Seeing nice titties. Be an anti-titty right now. You tell her to put her top on when you're having sex. Yeah, please. Please. Cover those up. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:01 This wasn't worth exploring at all. No, I think there's some real eggs to this He said sarcastically Alright y'all want to get out of here The NASCAR I'll read the NASCAR ad I have to mousetrap myself too I forgot about that
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Starting point is 01:21:07 at Talladega Super Speedway featuring Bree and Grace O'Malley. I ran out of gas there. You ran out of gas. I ran out of gas. It's bad. Featuring Bree and Grace O'Malley. We got a mousetrap? Do we not have them in here anymore?
Starting point is 01:21:22 Brandon, what's your favorite commercial? What's your favorite commercial ever? You like Butt Wiper?iper no that one's fine i love the geico camel commercial but my favorite ever is the sprite what's my motivation commercial from the 90s what's that like it's uh it's uh three guys on a basketball court acting tough and oh you showed it to us before and um they the director says cut and they turn into like divas yes very funny commercial tj pull that up it was tough to find it wasn't it uh it is very tough and it's only in grainy grainy footage but i also uh i love i love the geico camel commercial hump day i i know it's probably basic bitch, but it's funny. I think they retired him, didn't they?
Starting point is 01:22:07 The camel? Geico tweeted it on 9-11 once. Guess what they did. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh. Is the caveman coming back? Caveman's been back.
Starting point is 01:22:17 They tried to give that dude a sitcom. Really? Oh, yeah, they did. I thought that was the death of him. They tried to make it four or five cavemen, right? Yeah. Yeah, but there's one that was better than all the rest. Yeah, that was the death of him. They tried to make it like four or five cavemen, right? Yeah. Yeah, but there's one that was better than all the rest. Yeah, he was so much better.
Starting point is 01:22:30 Who's the most successful commercial guy? Jake from State Farm? He's getting up there. But he wasn't even the original. I think he's in hell. That's my stance. I think Jake from State Farm on the surface is very successful. He has an enviable life. Very job gets paid well gets to travel all over the place go to cool things i
Starting point is 01:22:51 think internally he hates everything about it he's at the point yeah the novelty wore off he's yeah yeah i can empathize with that his identity is completely gone yeah he looks in the mirror he's like i don't know who the fuck i am anymore yeah what are the Sonic guys up to oh yeah how much do you think they're worth more or less than Flo way less I bet you Flo has 10 million dollars
Starting point is 01:23:16 I bet they burned through their money already I think the Sonic guys did never make that much fiscally irresponsible they went on a bender they just stopped being guys do they still do Sonic in the car commercials Fiscally irresponsible. Yeah. They seem like it. They went on a bender. They just stopped being guys. Do they still do Sonic in the car commercials? Because they tried other guys.
Starting point is 01:23:32 Yeah, they did. They tried. So what happened? Did those guys just say, like, we're creatively exhausted? Like, we're tapped out? That was all we had? Maybe they became, like, these huge assholes that were, like, we're the whole brand. Yeah, contract disputes.
Starting point is 01:23:45 Billions of dollars. Didn't the dude you're getting Adele guy get into trouble? Most commercial guys get into trouble eventually, I think. I think his was just weed, though. No, they were phased out. Dude, you're getting Adele. I forgot about that guy. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:23:59 And then PC became uncool. Oh. If you're a fan of the Sonic guys, we've got some bad. Oh, no. Oh, no. Dead or jail? I've got to read through the fucking article. It's almost always shit.
Starting point is 01:24:14 It's always a fucking intro paragraph. Do you have to decline five months for 28 cents or whatever? Yeah. Go ahead and fire it up. We're looking for the Sonic guys and where their life has gone after the commercials. One of them is TJ in the commercials. Really?
Starting point is 01:24:31 Yeah. What's the other one's name? Peter. And I'm on fire. It sucks that you're going to Hawaii and it's hot street. Should I do it in front of the birds? Should I traumatize them?
Starting point is 01:24:49 Do not traumatize the birds. The birds are staring into each other's eyes again. They tried to upload their own videos to YouTube that were all Sonic themed. And they had... That worked. Wait, that's how they got the gig in the first place? Finally, 2020 however
Starting point is 01:25:05 jesus christ this is they're not getting to the point give up all right i don't know you said it was going to be bad news yeah you that's what the title said what did it say? It sounds like they just got phased out of Sonic. All right, TJ. Dan, put out the graphic. You got it. That doesn't look like it's set right. It's not set right.
Starting point is 01:25:42 I need to do a tutorial on how to set a mousetrap for everyone in this room there is a ledge right here more sarcastic than that uh yeah dumb fucks uh you take the little thing you pull it back
Starting point is 01:26:01 you put the thing in front of the thing and you put it on the ledge is it that hard? You pull it back, you put the thing in front of the thing, and you put it on the ledge. Got to put the thing in front of the thing. Is it that hard? Alright, there goes the mousey. Oh my god, he's starving. Why are you staring at yourself? Why are you trying to make this sexy? Why are you trying to make this sexy?
Starting point is 01:26:25 Yeah, what? Why are you trying to make this sexy? Why are you apparently sexy? Dangerous. Holy, yeah. You're like that one guy on the putting green. Cameo. Oh!
Starting point is 01:26:34 Did that work? No, that missed. Redo. Viegas? Yeah. He was, that was for attention. Oh, you're right. He would lay down and...
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Starting point is 01:27:18 Yeah, no one else has ever done that. Was it Villegas? They're trying to throw a J in that name, right? Yeah. Villegas. Villegas. J. Brandon, if Jim Furyk texts you right now and asks you to throw a J in that name, right? Yeah. Villegas. Villegas. J. Brandon, if Jim Furyk texts you right now, asks you to go to dinner, would you do it?
Starting point is 01:27:31 I would. Yeah? Would you be excited about it? Yeah. Is he from Detroit? No. He had a funky swing. Oh, golf.
Starting point is 01:27:39 He had a hole in his swing. Not a hole, but he had a... Weird little thing. He turned his arms at the top. Would you cancel a plan to go get dinner with him? I wouldn't cancel Tim McGraw tonight. No, but like... If I were planning...
Starting point is 01:27:51 You were coaching a softball game, but Jim Furyk texts you. No, he doesn't get softball game, but if I were going... Who gets softball game? Oh, man. In golf? No, anybody. I'm trying to think of the lowest level. Who's the most minor person?
Starting point is 01:28:04 Most wrestlers would get softball game. Would? Yeah, most wrestlers. No. No. Talk to him more sarcastically. You're not. No.
Starting point is 01:28:12 No. I'm TJ trying to sit the mouse trap. I don't sound like that. Right there. Whoa. Okay. All right. Now put your finger in the fucking mouse trap.
Starting point is 01:28:24 This is the last time we're ever going to do it on the show. Until the next time I was on. Oh, my God. Oh! Why was there a delay? Oh, that one sucked. Woof. There we go.
Starting point is 01:28:42 Brandon, I have a hypothetical. Go. How's the fishing going, first of all? I haven't caught a fish yet. But I did spend $300 at the bait shop the other day. Would you rather one of your kids become a doctor or catch a prize trophy fish? Without the assistance of, like, you didn't didn't like book an excursion in florida
Starting point is 01:29:06 it's just brain and walker man out in nature let's flesh this out yeah if they don't become a doctor if i go the fish route does that mean they are failures in life they just continue on the trajectory they're on they're only promised they will be a doctor with no it will be a doctor and if i take the fish i risk whatever they're going to become but i i trust in them so i'm right i'm you have it for your entire life is like i i caught this no one's gonna be controversial and crazy um i'm gonna take the doctor really i'm gonna take one of them becoming a doctor wow make you proud there's three other ones that can catch a fish you're your good father yeah there's three other ones that we're talking about you catching the fish wait i catch the fish yeah i'm talking about you catching the fish. Wait, I catch the fish.
Starting point is 01:29:45 Yeah, I'm talking about you catching like a. You had to debate whether you wanted the kid to be a doctor or catch a fish. Yeah, your kids catching a fish? I meant you. I meant you having the moment of trying. Oh, for sure. That you're reeling in like a. For sure, kid a doctor.
Starting point is 01:29:59 A six hour battle. Kid a doctor. Kid a doctor. World record fish. Kid a doctor. In the book. Whoa, what in the. World record fish. Get a doctor. In the book. Whoa. World record fish?
Starting point is 01:30:08 Single-handedly. No help. You're out there. But the only fish that would, the world record that would really make a dent would be if it was big ocean fish. I don't want to ever do that. I don't care to do that. I want to catch bass. I want to catch fish.
Starting point is 01:30:20 Okay. I want to catch a 10-pound bass. 10-pound bass? No. That'll shut up the haters. The type of fish that'll shut up the haters forever. I don't have any bass haters. Do I have bass haters?
Starting point is 01:30:29 You have a lot of bass. The majority are haters. I'm going to go kid a doctor. Okay. You're a good father. Your daughter could be a nurse. What kind of doctor? Surgeon?
Starting point is 01:30:45 Any doctor is fine. Surgeon? Any doctor is fine Dentist? Any doctor Is AI ever gonna Just Are doctors at risk? I don't think Well some doctors might be
Starting point is 01:30:53 What about like Not a doctor But like a PhD And they're called doctor But it's like An archaeologist I think that'd still be fine That'd be cool as fuck
Starting point is 01:31:01 Still go with doctor I might even prefer that Tommy would be a sick archaeologist. There's a chance Tommy's going to be. But it's like some bullet. It's PhD in gender studies or something. Fish. Normal-sized fish that I can catch everywhere.
Starting point is 01:31:16 I'll take the fish. All right. All right. Have fun in Hawaii, Kyle. Yeah. Send us updates. I hope you get to know. No, I'm going to do a little update.
Starting point is 01:31:25 Fired up about how bronze you're going to be. I know. I can't wait. All right. That's the act. All right. All right. All right.
Starting point is 01:31:32 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.
Starting point is 01:31:32 All right. All right. It's the act It's your straws, yeah The style of tape For a while It's the act It's the act It's the act Yeah, it's time to talk shop
Starting point is 01:31:59 We're doing Yankee Swap It's the act It's the act Hey, have a good weekend, everybody. Watch Rough and Rowdy tonight. And have a great weekend. Stay safe out there. Love you guys. See you Monday.
Starting point is 01:32:26 Bye.

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