The Yak - We're Off the Rails for Nick's Birthday Bash | The Yak 6-28-23
Episode Date: June 28, 202351 speed.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. DJ, pull that up.
Booyaka, booyaka, waigwan.
It is the Yak.
You know what time it is.
Time for some of your favorite Barstool employees to have an hour-plus of conversation on our own dime. Free for you to listen to, no matter if you're on YouTube or if you are on Audible on a podcast.
Whatever you're doing, I hope you're wearing Roebuck.
That's what I hope for you personally, human to human.
Head to toe.
Man or woman, honestly, I really don't care.
It just means a lot to me that you're in some Roebuck.
It's summertime.
It's Roebuck season.
Whether you're smacking some balls around at the
golf course or headed down to the Beer Olympics to wrestle with some of your most testosterone
filled boys, you're going to want the clothes that you're peeling off your back before you
dive into the pool to be rowback. They look good. They feel good. And they'll have you playing good
no matter what your game is
steven shea's wearing some row back right now that's his best shirt yep bro look at his arms
long sleeve rugbies are it dude i've been buying this a rugby i think it is or it's like any color
like long yeah probably a rugby is it a rugby or it's like you have to be striped or long sleeve
yeah whatever the whatever the hell that is that's what I'm buying stock in for me, for my body type.
Luckily, Roback has the best fit, best feel.
This is also the perfect airport shirt.
That's what I always say about mine.
My hoodie one.
It's the perfect material for travel days.
Because even going to Nashville is like 90s.
And it's great for that because it's cold on the airport in the airplane.
This is the airport shirt.
Style rating 98.
Speed only 51.
I mean, that's what his ratings were.
Yo, I think that, yeah, we really need to,
we cannot ignore Stephen Che's tweet yesterday.
The untimely passing of Ryan Mallett is truly a tragedy. He was a stud of a football
player and his family's definitely going to miss him a lot. But that pales in comparison to what
it meant to Stephen Che, who hit us with this absolute banger. And if you don't believe me,
look at those ratios. Look at those ratings down at the bottom. Very sad to hear about Ryan Mallett's passing. He was an extremely
underrated Madden player.
98 throw power,
79 accuracy, only
51 speed, but with those
arm ratings, was able to become
a solid starter via training camp.
Great value in the late rounds
for savvy drafters
like me. Like me.
I probably shouldn't have put those last two words in.
You put the dude's Madden skills.
But not only that, you put in his bad ratings.
How he performed on your team.
He's a complete diamond in the rough.
He was my QB1 for like six years.
But who carried the team?
Be honest.
Don't lie to me.
The defense.
The defense.
Because I was able to get a quarterback. The defense won The defense. Because I was able to get a quarterback.
The defense won you the championship.
I was able to get a quarterback late.
Mellon didn't win you the championship.
I mean, in that game, I scored 37 points.
That's Ryan Mellon.
And the internet got really mad at you last night.
So I had a thread, which kind of explains it a little bit more.
Yeah, you were trying to dig your way out of that bitch.
Was the thread added after initial?
Yeah, wait, what's the time?
What time did you tweet the first time? What time did you tweet
the first and what time
did you tweet the second?
I tweeted the first one
and then immediately
started typing the second one.
And then I didn't see
the reaction until
I was really done.
Damn.
Yeah, I mean,
I don't see any of the people
mad memorializing him
any better than you.
No, no. I think you don't, you still don't understand why of the people mad memorializing him any better than you. No.
I think you still don't understand why anybody's upset about this.
They should be.
Yeah, they should.
Oh.
God damn hair.
What?
Oh.
Island sass?
Yeah.
What's like a cool breeze blew you in here? Does this mic work?
I can't hear you guys.
You have headphones in?
Still playing music.
We're talking about Stephen Chay's tweet, so we'll get to your sweet outfit.
But first off, we're trying to figure out what Stephen doesn't comprehend about what's going on.
And he still is trying to contend that no one should be offended at what he said.
Dude, one guy hit me with, like, dude, just say a prayer and shut up.
I was like, dude, this is Twitter.
If you're looking for prayer, go to church.
Like, this ain't it.
That is true.
Don't fuck off with the prayer.
Oh, now I'd say anything?
Like, Fasoli posted a highlight from, like, Arkansas.
Like, that's cool.
Who was the Ohio State quarterback who died?
Dwayne Haskins, yes.
Somebody got. Schefter. Yeah, just for for tweeting it's like he was a backup or something
something about his bust yeah yeah you took it to your madding career so people which is where
he was a legend you don't understand how that's like kind of the opposite of memorializing someone
i mean i'm gonna get like are we going to talk about what do you think about his actual You understand how that's kind of the opposite of memorializing someone?
I mean, are we going to talk about – What do you think about his actual quarterback skills?
I mean, he's a backup court.
He fell asleep on hard knocks.
Those are things that you remember when you think about this guy.
But in my reality –
You don't have to say that.
Exactly.
You're asking me the question.
It's very sad, his passing.
And I am upset about it.
He was an important guy to me.
What would you rate his passing?
You.
I mean, still.
You controlled his every move.
He's a franchise quarterback.
You pressed X and Y to make him throw.
Yeah.
The thing that is bothering people, and I'm going to try and break it down.
I'm not mad, by the way.
Is that you're making it about you.
I shouldn't have put those last two words in a person.
No, I think Madden.
It was total Minsky.
It was big time Minsky.
When I got to Madden, I'm not a footballer.
I didn't quite know who this was.
But even just reading it, and when I was like,
oh, he's talking about this man's career
and that he was a great player, he was underrated.
And then I got to Madden and I went, oh.
What made you feel like that, Kate?
What was it about him saying that?
Because he's like taking his real life accomplishments
and throwing them out the window
and replacing them with how Steven framed him through a video
game? An avatar of himself?
That's pretty close to it, Roan.
I'm going to say this. I'm two years older
than Ryan Mallett. If I died and someone
created a Steven Che player in Madden,
I would want to hear about that.
But you wouldn't.
Immediately after that. If you were in the actual
NFL, you'd want to hear about that?
Yeah.
If people are celebrating me, how can you get mad about someone celebrating someone else?
They're claiming you're not celebrating him.
I mean, he's the guy.
You're celebrating you, though.
You're celebrating your accomplishments.
But also, I was not actually mad.
But I'm just trying to explain to you why people are mad.
We're not mad.
Because also like
we had like a layup line dunk fest
on Submarine Bros last week.
Right.
Dude, I got so many DMs from people
just being like,
you're trash
and then I'll scroll up
and like months earlier
they're like,
you're autistic.
I was like,
who the fuck are you?
You're not a good person.
Yeah. Yeah. I don't think who the fuck are you? You're not a good person. Yeah.
There's anything wrong with being autistic either.
There is.
You're not a good person either.
Your ass isn't a good person either.
You stole embryos from Jurassic Park and sold them.
All right.
You know how much courage it took me to leave the house?
That shirt is huge.
Is that a Gillette can next to you?
I try my best.
I think you could even wear that unbuttoned, too.
Yeah, you look sick.
I think you could wear it unbuttoned with the top.
I'm going to burn it when I get back.
I bought two, and one of them is plain.
It's just a plain.
Wait, is this the one you bought with Mook in Ontario?
Yeah.
I need a summer shirt.
That is the summer shirt.
Or if I go to the beach.
And Ontario is where you want to go to get your summer clothes.
Ontario, California.
It is.
It's the strip mall capital of the world.
The whole entire city is a strip mall.
Are you going to wear the shirt under it at the beach?
100%.
Did you think I was going to wear no shirt under it?
At the beach, I figured.
I'm wearing a napkin as a shirt.
At the beach, I figured that you might be able to cut loose a little bit now that you're
like away from all the prying eye of the camera lens.
If I was by myself at the beach, I would still not take my shirt off.
If it was a thousand degrees out, I would rather take my pants and underwear off before
I take my shirt off.
Do you get like embarrassed in the shower?
Dude, I don't look at myself in the mirror without a shirt on.
Is it the rash?
No, it's my fat, disgusting
body. What?
Do you have dysmorphia?
Obviously he does.
I don't.
You guys all say, oh, look at you.
Look at you.
None of you have ever seen me with my shirt on. You've never even seen my torso before.
I've seen you with your shirt off. You haven't.
I have. No. I have. No. I've seen you with your shirt off. You haven't. I have. No.
I have.
No.
I've seen you. And most dangerous games.
An old picture of you with your shirt off,
and I've seen you change shirts.
That was the best shape I've ever been in in my entire life.
Okay, well, I've seen that,
and you were in great shape.
All the comments were like,
it looks like you ate,
you had a fifth friend that you ate.
No, you, well, you're,
you used to have a brand of, like,
taking shirtless pictures and manipulating your nipples.
One time i did that
look at that body yeah what's wrong with it's a good ass bod all fake have you seen the beach
the whole body's fake everything's fake liar no because you would have made your biceps big
biceps are big oh sorry oh oh my bad now i see that now that i look closer
i think you just have a touch of dysmorphia. I'm going to kill myself.
He has a touch. I saw you handle a very difficult situation with the utmost coolness.
Last night?
That wasn't that bad.
I would have melted down.
No, it wasn't that bad.
It was not.
I wasn't.
Well, I was also in good shape then.
Yeah, like that you're always in good shape.
Not right now.
Can we play the clip from last night?
No.
No, okay.
Can we pull that pic back up?
When you were doing the first pic, like on all fours,
were you afraid that your mom or dad would walk in the room
catching you, take a picture in that pose?
You are popping your ass a little bit.
You're popping your ass a ton.
You're cat-cowing.
I don't remember.
I feel like it was probably the middle of the night when I did it.
You knew you were safe?
That would make it even worse, I feel like.
I used to sneak down to the basement and do videos and stuff.
Funny how your knee is like one's ahead of the other,
like you're crawling forward.
It's like seductive how your knees are set up.
Maybe I'm just getting the whole video.
No, it's really sexy.
I would do the same thing.
Mid-crawl.
I don't even remember
I don't know I feel like that I remember
that taking me so fucking long to make
yeah I would wait until either 3 a.m. or
both of my parents were away no like the
actual Photoshop itself took me like a
days to make like sending it to other
people being like can you fix this? Looks pretty good.
Yeah, it came out well.
You can still tell it's photoshopped.
No.
What was your inspiration?
I don't remember.
How old is that tweet, TJ?
Oh, that's a good one.
That's a good one.
That's a banger.
That's a banger.
How many are there?
Wait, did you take an actual picture of your dick?
That one was a problem.
It came up in my camera roll with just my penis.
I was like, holy shit, I forgot I had this on my phone.
That was a good one.
That one was a banger.
Look how low he had to photo.
That guy, Lil Arab, he Photoshopped that for me.
You sent him a naked picture?
I sent him most of the penis was gone, and then he fixed it.
What part was still there?
I don't remember.
The tip?
There was still some.
Most of the, you just had like the middle ring.
Just the hole?
I didn't really do a good job.
That band on an earthworm.
I did like the patch feature on Photoshop, where you just tap it and grab stuff from around.
And it looked like I just had a mutilated penis.
How old were you in that photo?
That one?
18.
Oh, thank God.
Nick, you've done similar of this style, right?
2019.
Where you've had to take pictures of yourself
in Photoshop, manipulate.
Yeah, for sure.
In a bathtub, maybe?
No, I don't think I've ever done it was a penis silhouette yeah yeah but
it wasn't my own penis yeah and then one time uh i was photoshopping my buddy did a toe touch but
while wearing a nightgown my buddy stinky tony my attorney and his penis towards the camera was like
the it was staring right at the camera so i could could just censor it with one little dab because it was up facing the camera.
And I was zoomed in on his dick like 500%,
like, oh, I'm going to get him.
I guess in the long run, he got me.
Yeah, for having to stare into the eye of his penis.
Yeah, dude.
Got hard.
Yeah, that was fun.
Yeah.
I used to love it when ideas just hit you.
Yeah.
I mean, KB, I know, was making the same type of shit because of the Pepsi.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking of.
Yeah, that's when my parents were out of town.
Were you naked for that?
Yeah.
Anytime my parents would leave the house, I would be like, all right, time to make content.
I got like an hour to do something funny.
Yeah.
I would just set up my phone and just talk into the camera for like an hour until I came up with something.
That's fucking, oh. That's hilarious that you guys were all doing nudity humor too.
No, I did that twice.
That was humor.
It was like putting a wig on your head, pretending to be a girl or just being naked.
That's what got people to laugh.
22, 22 whole heads.
No, that was dumb then though. That went dumb. I remember being so pumped about that. 22 22 whole heads What was But that
No that was dumb then though
That went dumb
Yeah I remember
22 was like
Extremely good
Like 7 was like
Pretty good
What was the premise
Of that vine
He just jumped
Into the camera
Perched on my
Nightstand
Like a poison dart frog
And then
Jumped
Perfectly
So that my penis
Was veiled
The whole time
How many takes?
I was doing it for like two hours.
Yeah.
Being a perfectionist.
Yeah.
Got to get the shot.
You guys are psychopaths.
We're grinders.
You have a lot of vines in your archives.
I know, and it just wasn't a different style.
It wasn't nudity.
It was a different style of vine. Your car and shit. Yeah, I was just driving around in my car. It wasn't nudity. It was a different style of Vine.
Your car and shit.
Yeah, I was just driving
around in my car
harassing people.
You were a harasser, yeah.
Yeah, I was just driving around.
I was driving around Kensington
or where the heroin zombies are now
and just playing hipster or poor
and stuff like that.
I thought that would've
got me canceled now,
but I was filming the junkies out.
That's still a popular thing.
I mean, they've been out there.
That's like a content, like, people,
I see a TikTok every day.
Yeah, and there's guys whose whole channel is that.
Multiple guys.
Walking through Kensington POVs is insane.
It's like playing Resident Evil.
It is insane how it's always like that.
But it's also, at this point,
it's half junkies and half influencers.
Yeah, you're right. There's so many people walking through, filming everything, that it's always like that. But it's also, at this point, it's half junkies and half influencers. There's so many people walking through, filming
everything that it's not dangerous.
Every flip of my TikTok is a Kensington.
People act like that's
a hellscape, but it's really just nasty
to look at.
A heroin addict's not going to attack
you for your phone or something like that.
If you were, you'd probably win that
fight.
Slowly push them off you.
That's like Mr. Burns attacking you. We're pretty bent.
But yeah, Sass was in an awkward situation last night.
It really wasn't that big of a deal.
It just looked awkward on video.
I hosted.
I thought I did well.
You fucking crushed it.
Hosting's the worst, but I did it.
It was like 20 minutes of pretty good crowd work
at the beginning of the show.
Yeah.
Turning into a young Rife, honestly.
Oh, my God.
That's the problem is I don't have to do crowd work, but then when you host, you kind of have to do crowd work to get the audience engaged.
I'll tell you what.
We know where everyone is from in that bitch.
Yeah.
We knew it.
And Judy was like, but I would make a joke that was so lame, and they be dying laughing and i and then i would try to
material and they'd go silent and i'd be like you guys understand that like what i'm doing right now
is not like like i think i said at one point i'm like that wasn't even funny but they're like how
people are like bent over like slapping the table you gotta just let that happen i'm like where are
you from and like oh i'm from uh massachusetts i'm like where i and they're like oh i'm like oh
that's a shitty area i could see why you didn't want to say that and they're like
and then i do like a joke that i've been working on for fucking two best stuff like
yeah man not for us we don't fuck with that one at all but uh what basically the microphone broke
in between so the second person went up and his what it was buzzing the whole time so then i had
to go up and change it was a wireless mic so i had to change the batteries, and then that didn't work.
So then I was just on stage.
At one point, I just didn't even have the microphone.
I had to give it to the guy that worked there.
I was just on stage with no microphone.
There was a minute of literally a minute video.
I had to shorten the video that I sent to the Yacht Chat.
It was probably like five minutes of me up there just trying to put
Ashley Simpson yelling to the crowd.
On stage, yeah.
He actually lip syncs his act, too.
Yeah.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah.
The whole system went down, but it was a fucking great show.
It's fun.
What's the name of the place again?
Downtown Social.
Downtown Social.
Yeah.
Free show every Tuesday night.
And it's like a cute little room.
But then I was asking Colm, who hosts the show.
He's like, I was like, how'd you find this?
And he said during the pandemic, like Louis Louis C.K. and, like,
Joe List were going into that little room
and, like, fucking... Yeah, another dude
did a show there a while
ago, but he stopped doing it.
But they were just doing comedy
during the pandemic in this, like, back room
that was just, like, open. Yeah.
Which is kind of sweet. Kind of literal speakeasy
vibes. Yeah. And Colm's so fucking
obsessed with it being perfect.
So, like, the room is, like, it feels like you're just in a comedy club, but it's a bar.
But, like, every week he goes, like, two hours early and, like, moves the chairs.
He'll move the stage one inch.
And I'd be like, see what I was talking about with the stage?
It's perfect now.
And I'm like, dude, I have no idea what you're talking about.
It was just nice to get C-Sass in his natural element, doing some stand-up comedy.
That was after
four straight podcasts.
Yeah,
after eight hours
of podcasting.
Yeah,
that was a long day.
I know.
And now we're just
running it back today.
I know.
We got to record again
today.
Totally, yeah.
Worst job in the world.
It's so bad.
No,
I mean,
it's like,
obviously it's great,
but it's like,
dude,
after,
I mean,
me and Rome recorded
Yak, Pat Bev, and then two podcasts after.
And Anus and Boy Dad.
Yeah.
All just together.
Now we have this, then we have another Boy Dad today.
What are we going to talk about?
We didn't experience anything in between.
It made me think that, or it's kind of like, I guess what Howard Stern would do every day.
Yeah.
Go on and just talk for four hours to Robin.
Yeah. Go on and just talk for four hours to Robin. Yeah.
We kind of have the same tactics of bringing in the same types of people.
As Howard Stern?
He won't too far, I think.
Which part was too far?
You're too young.
He's too young.
Who is that boy?
It's a crazy volume.
Hey, hey.
From a slumber party.
It's that little boy.
Just came from a slumber party.
It's that little boy.
It's that little, little boy.
I noticed him yesterday. Danny, who's that little boy. It just came from a slumber party. It's that little boy. It's that little, little boy. I noticed him yesterday.
Danny, who's that little boy, Danny?
Danny.
Who is that little boy?
Was he a ghost?
Stephen Chay didn't even see him.
Stephen Chay can't find him.
He disappeared.
He was so little that you can't even find him.
That was the thickest head of hair I've ever seen.
He wasn't little.
He was young.
He was young, not little.
He's big.
Actually, I think I might know who that is.
Is he an intern?
I think it might be.
Should I say?
Someone's son?
Yeah.
Someone famous' son?
Oh, a famous person?
Not a co-worker?
No, it's a famous person's son that's interning here this summer.
Are we talking what type of fame are we talking?
Sports fame or movie?
Howard Stern kind of. Oh, man. That type of fame are we talking? Sports fame or movie? Howard Stern kind of.
Oh, man.
That type of fame.
Oh, I guess he's going to come in.
Big fame.
He doesn't have to come.
This is Howard Stern's son.
My man.
Hello.
Oh, hi.
Anywhere you want.
Come on in.
What's up, big fella?
How we doing?
How's it going?
What's your name, man?
Patterson.
Patterson?
Harrison.
Talking to that mic.
Harrison.
Like William Henry Harrison.
Harrison Ford, if we want to go first name.
Benjamin Harrison.
Harrison, what do you think of this shirt that I'm wearing right now?
How old are you?
16.
16?
Would you bully me if I was wearing this in high school?
Talking to that, right into that cut of uniform? Cut it at my uniform, yeah.
Are you interning here?
Yeah.
Wow.
What's your role?
I'm a PhD intern.
Oh, no.
What have you been doing?
Honestly, it's my third day, so nothing.
That'll probably be the same forever.
No one really does anything here.
Fair enough.
No, yeah, you're right on track.
Yeah, you're crushing it right now.
You have a deep voice and you're calm.
I don't know.
This is how today's teens are.
They don't care about...
They're cooler.
Yeah.
Much cooler.
This is the most nervous I've ever been on the show.
I'm not.
Me and him are way closer in age than I am with any of you guys.
That's true.
Why don't you talk about Fortnite?
Why don't you guys chill?
I know.
I don't really know how old everyone was in here.
Everyone was, I thought, because I thought you guys were pretty unorthodox.
Everyone was giving me these firm handshakes.
Oh, yeah, they're all old as fuck.
I mean, in our defense, you're young.
Yeah, wait a second.
You're 16.
Well, yeah, I mean,
I got this job differently, I guess.
Oh, nepotism?
Yeah.
Perfect.
All right, Word.
What do you think when people
talk shit on nepotism, when people will write an article in the New York Times Perfect Oh yeah Alright word Me too What do you think When people like
Talk shit on nepotism
When people will write
An article in the
New York Times
Be like this person
Got nepotism
And this person
Got nepotism
How does that make you feel
Well I don't get paid
So it's like
There we go
That's not nepotism
Real nepotism gets paid
I mean it's not like
I'm making money off of it
Like
That's the reason
Parents do it
That would be a slap
In the face to one of your
parents or both. What are you going to lay brick
or something like that?
So what are you trying to
accomplish? What are your goals?
Make the lacrosse team or what
are you looking to do? Lacrosse.
Are you trying to be a broadcaster or are you just
trying to do something for the summer?
My mom was like, get a job
and it was either this or scooping
ice cream, so I chose this.
What the fuck? You live in Manhattan?
Manhasset, Long Island.
Take the train in.
Scooping ice cream's not bad, though.
I never did it. I choose this.
Really? I did it. It worked at a soft serve
place. Oh, so you didn't have to scoop.
It's tiring on the arms.
Is it? It looks stressful.
Everybody has big Popeye
forearms in there. You get one strong arm.
Have you ever scooped ice cream?
It's pretty frozen. It fights back.
Cutting a pizza is also a lot
harder than it looks. You're a pussy.
You're just a pussy. When I was 16 and I worked
at a pizza place, I could never...
I was horrible.
You'd have to fucking really
smack the cutter in
to get the crust
you gotta crack that crust
yeah you gotta crack the crust
crack the crust first
I couldn't get 8 even
they were all different
oh yeah
but that's the best
you don't want 8 even
you want a small one
and yeah
someone could be like
I want the small one
I just want a little snack
or I want a fucking
glutinous piece
or you go for the biggest piece
no because the person
that gets the small one
always goes back for seconds.
But maybe it's like the last one, or maybe it's on the, if you're doing eight to yourself or something,
maybe it's on the second day or something, or I don't know.
I think there's benefits to having tiny pieces.
Small for equal slices.
When you were doing ice cream, would you do the swirl around when you were soft serving,
or would you do the thing where you, like, dip it and make, like, layers with the soft serving?
Glad you asked.
I did the swirl around, and I could have it's harder all structural integrity
out the ass really yeah but what i did was a real real firm foundation i did this until it broke the
rim of the cone and that's when you start going like that holy shit when you go to like those
places that you do it yourself you you look like a pro. Yeah.
A lot of them know me from the biz.
Yeah.
What's happening?
They see your form.
It's like you have the tightest spiral.
Yeah.
Just like a 98 power rating on your ice cream.
Right.
So what's KFC been like for you, man?
What's KFC been saying to you?
Is he giving you duties?
Is he making you get coffee?
What's he up to?
Honestly, I've talked to him like once.
Really? Yeah, no, he's not here.
What the hell? Where's he at?
I don't know. They go to restaurants and shoot and stuff. I have no idea.
What the hell? He's kind of like an Ellen figure.
You're not allowed to look him in the eye.
You can't look at him.
Very nice to Katy Perry and stuff like that.
But if you're an intern, he's going to ream you out.
As soon as the cameras turn on, Kevin just starts dancing.
He loves to dance down the halls.
Do you want to work on this show when you're not working with him?
Or are you just trying to chill?
Are you just trying to kick back?
I don't really care what I do.
I just do what people say.
Would you rather do work with your hands, active work,
or social media work?
What would you prefer?
Oh, social media work.
Yeah.
Okay, like tweeting for a brand or something like that?
Anything works.
How's your Twitter game?
How's your TikTok game?
What's your IG game like?
Snapchat game?
Non-existent.
Yeah, does anyone in high school have Twitter anymore?
I mean, people go on Twitter.
I don't really see too many kids in high school actually tweeting stuff.
They just look at it for sports and stuff. Yeah, yeah. What is it? Is TikTok the main? too many kids in high school actually tweeting stuff. They just look at different sports and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
What is it?
Is TikTok the main?
How many of us?
I'm so old.
Is TikTok the main thing you kids are doing?
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, none of my friends make TikToks, but I think school has some TikTokers.
Is there TikTok drama within the school?
No.
No?
I go to all boys' schools.
There's no girls.
No drama. No fucking drama. Most people who make TikToks in high schools. There's no, like, girl. No drama.
No fucking drama.
Most people who make TikToks in high school are girls.
Yeah, that's true.
Who's the funniest kid in your class right now?
Shout him out.
What's his name last?
Yes, you do, bro.
Come on.
You either say the funniest or the cutest.
All right.
Funniest, probably my friend Joe.
All right.
Joe.
Joe just got himself a full-time job at Barstool Sports.
You're his intern.
That'd be brutal.
Why?
He's a dickhead?
It's like a funny dickhead?
Yeah, probably.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck, shout out Joe, man.
I got to see what Joe is cooking up.
Slapstick, like Three Stooges type of humor, or like he's dry and wry?
No, like that stupid sarcastic kind of humor.
Yeah?
Mr. Bean type?
You think we could call him up?
Mr. Bean?
He's like a Mr. Bean.
Yeah, just like him.
Real sarcastic, like Mr. Bean.
Where do you go to school, Horseman?
Chaminade.
Chaminade.
A lot of alums from there.
Owen.
Oh, yeah.
Do you know Owen?
Nah. No? He's kind of a legend. I don't know. I might have, yeah. Do you know Owen? Nah.
No?
He's kind of a legend.
I don't know.
I might have met him.
I don't remember
too many people's names.
Yeah.
Remember Owen's
high school picture?
You have similar hair
to when Owen was young.
Yeah, you do.
There's got to be
something in the water.
I don't know.
Maybe.
A lot of kids
in my school
have the same hair.
Yeah?
That makes sense.
But he's a little bit
older than you.
He's a little bit grown up.
The broccoli hairstyle is popular.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, the perm.
Is it, though?
Yeah.
Not too close to him.
There you go.
You recognize him?
No.
He's Diamond One on Siege.
What kind of games are you smashing?
You stream?
No, you know.
You play FIFA?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Dude, I gotta get back
into FIFA.
FIFA's so fun.
I play that and UFC,
but I've broken too
many controllers from
UFC, so stop playing.
You rage quit?
I do.
UFC's fun.
I played UFC for the
first time a couple
weeks ago.
It's a good time.
Where at?
The show.
Yeah?
Played mad.
Smoked me.
I almost beat him,
though.
Who were you with?
I said he smoked you.
Yeah, he beat me.
Third round.
Okay. Who were you playing with? Who were you with? He said he smoked you. Yeah, he beat me. Third round. Okay.
Who were you playing with?
Who were you fighting with?
I don't know.
I just, we just did same characters as, or not characters, same people as the game before.
Same skins.
You're 16.
That's the perfect age to punch a hole in the wall.
Have you done that recently?
I just throw the controller at the wall.
The controller?
Okay.
That's normal, though.
I did that a lot.
Yeah.
I had a buddy who broke his screen because he throw the controller at the wall. The controller? Okay. That's normal though. I did that a lot. Yeah. I had a buddy who
broke his screen because
he threw the controller
at the screen.
No, I throw it away
from the screen so
it doesn't break.
Ah, that's smart.
That's what you gotta
do.
You gotta be long-term
thinking.
You always see videos
of people raging,
like exploding their
PC and shit.
It's like, that must
be instant regret.
Yeah, you want to
get back in the game.
After you rage that
hard, yeah, you're
looking-
It kind of works
though because the
anger immediately stops.
It's a different emotion.
Then it just turns into
embarrassment.
Yeah, which is better
than being enraged, I think.
I guess, yeah.
Healthier, because it's
your body being like,
you shouldn't have done that.
Then every time you...
Then you've got to explain
to your friends
who you're playing with
that you can't play anymore
because the controller's
in pieces.
Yeah.
Or your parents.
Imagine your mom coming home
and being like,
why is the PlayStation in half?
God, I slipped.
Who are, uh...
It fell down the stairs.
Are you bruised?
Walked into a door.
Bruised wife.
Yeah.
I don't know, it fell.
Who are some of the GOATs right now?
Who's GOAT rapper?
Who's GOAT soccer player?
And who's like the biggest baddie out right now?
Rapper?
I don't know.
I won't listen to too much music.
Probably Kendrick.
Okay.
Soccer player?
Messy.
Messy?
Old head.
Okay.
Miami?
Baddest.
Yeah, that sucks.
Yeah, you don't like that?
Why?
Because he's not going to be playing in a top-level competition anymore?
He's playing bumps.
Yeah, but he'll be helping the game.
He'll be growing the game in the U.S.
That doesn't matter.
Damn, let's fucking go.
Those tickets are expensive now.
And then who are we talking?
Livy or Sidney Sweeney?
What's the third one?
Brandon knows all of them.
Oh, yeah.
He knows them all.
That bastard misses us so much.
That horny bastard.
Who are we talking about right now?
It was pretty hot.
Who?
Livy's pretty hot.
Livy?
Pretty hot.
Say less.
It's all chill, man.
Oh, what the hell, man?
Hey, hey hey hey
I was hitting the full
uh wuga
um dude well uh
I'm happy that you came in
um
are you just gonna be here
every day in the summer
like how are you even
getting in here
I take the train
yeah
yeah
are you terrorizing
anybody on the train
you and your boys
just sleeping
yeah are you
yeah
the hell
um well uh dude you're you're welcome to come in anytime uh I enjoy your disposition on the train? You and your boys? I'm just sleeping. Are you? The hell?
Dude, you're welcome to come in anytime.
I enjoy your disposition.
I wish you luck this summer.
Good stuff. Thanks, Harrison.
Appreciate you, Harrison.
Harrison, good-ass name.
Residential, honestly.
Strong name. I always wished I was Harrison.
Really? Yeah, you just got the short end of it.
Actually, you're not Harold, are you?
No, just Harry.
It's Harry.
Doxed.
See, and he was so chill.
I would be such a loser if you brought me in here at 16.
If you had generational wealth.
If you have generational wealth, this doesn't matter.
I feel like you do get this cool class grace that comes with generational wealth that I missed out on. I must have missed.
Who's his? I have been told
probably don't have him on there too much.
Okay.
Fair enough.
For the future.
Got it.
People think that I'm Kirk's son.
Who?
I don't know. People hit me up and they're like,
are you Kirkirk's son
are you yeah what do you say i don't know could be his name my dad's name yeah don't worry about
it kirk holy shit dude what if it was fucking kirk um if that kid doesn't want to be on camera
maybe he shouldn't be walking around all the fucking time dude yeah with his hair all judged
yeah i thought he was great.
I thought he was great, too.
Yeah, he did damn good.
You're talking shit.
I'm not talking shit at all.
They just said that we shouldn't have him on camera as much.
Because he's under 18.
Oh, yeah.
We have Tommy Walker on all the time.
His dad is on the show.
Oh, he's not?
I mean, who is this dude?
That's a good point.
You really want to know, KB?
Do you guys all know?
I don't know.
I didn't know who he was.
Can you whisper it?
You're a must, everyone.
I don't want to say if it's not my place to say, but I'm sure that...
It's fair.
Is it an athlete?
No.
Okay.
An actor?
No.
Median?
TV personality?
No.
And no.
Podcaster? A chef? No. Fox News? personality? No. And no. Podcast person.
A chef.
Fox News. CNN. MSNBC.
It's not on NBC.
It must be for your local TV.
Is that Sasha Obama?
So chill.
I fucking love this shirt.
I do too. I do, too.
I do, too.
It looks so good.
It looks good.
I'm going to walk home today and just blow in the wind.
You should.
And just get ogled.
I'm pumped for next week.
What are you guys going to do next week?
I don't know.
I have no plans.
You want to do something?
You want to go to the beach?
Yes.
Okay.
Very bad.
Let's take a train to the beach.
Yeah.
Let's take the ferry.
Come to the Jersey Shore.
Is that where you're going to be?
Yeah, I'm going to Seattle.
Drop the address.
How far is that?
Seattle's popping today.
Three, what, three, three and a half hours?
No, two and a half.
Two and a half from here?
As long as you don't leave at rush hour.
As long as you don't leave at rush hour.
Two and a half hours.
I'll go.
It's not bad.
Go easily.
Take the bus to Atlantic City and have Rome come pick you up.
Okay, B?
I'll come pick you guys up. Where are you guys going City and have Rome come pick you up. Okay, B. B?
Where are you guys going?
You got to take your shirt off.
I can't wait.
I've had no excuse.
Atlantic City?
You guys go to Atlantic City, I scoop you?
Yeah.
In the drop top?
What?
Drop top?
Yes.
I pick everybody up in drop top.
Shirt unbuttoned, blowing in wind.
If all four of you had that shirt in the same drop top,
that'd be great.
It'd be like a music video.
That's something I would like to see.
This is Uniqlo Ontario outlet.
Uniqlo has different things.
$39, I believe.
Not bad.
How's the quality?
Great.
No gatekeeping from Sass.
I love that.
That's why you're the fucking goat, bro.
Socks, Uniqlo, shoes, Converse, shorts, bare bottom.
Nice.
Underwear?
Old Navy.
Undershirt?
Undershirt?
I don't know.
Check.
Thrifted.
No.
You thrifted an undershirt?
It's not actually.
That's you.
You saw that first and then you bought it.
You saw that.
You said, that's what I'm going to look like. I'm out of work.
No way.
39 bucks, just like he said.
He wasn't lying.
I don't want to look.
Can you part your hair really quick?
That's what stole your heart. At the outlet. What? You knew you had to't lying. I don't want to look. Can you part your hair really quick? That's what stole your heart at the outlet.
What?
Knew you had to have it.
You didn't go to no outlet.
Yeah, that was full price.
You paid sticker.
That's this year's model.
What the hell?
He's rocking an undershirt, and I know that's-
You got to get one of those color shirts.
I have that exact shirt.
That pink one?
Yeah.
I have that Uniqlo shirt.
Automatic follow, automatic retweet if you show that you bought this shirt as well yourself.
I hope someone does so that I don't feel alone.
I thought everyone was wearing shirts like this.
Yes, we are.
Yeah, yeah.
I was literally just shopping for shirts like that from Express.
Brandon always used to wear shirts like this.
I have one hanging up.
I remember him.
Brandon.
I'll wear it tomorrow.
Sometimes they'll there's a big sliding
scale on how much they charge for shirts
like that and you can't tell the difference
in the shirt. I went to Tommy Bahama's outlet
and those are so expensive.
$90. Yeah.
You said that Pat has a crazy
collection of similar shirts. Crazy
patterns, silk shirts. Some of them
are $400. I swear to God.
Pat has extremely expensive
wacky shirts. He's like that.
I think you should leave. That's him.
Dan Flashes. He's the Dan Flashes
guy. But it is...
When you do have a crazy pattern,
and I'm not even being ironic about
it, it does... It can turn heads.
You pair it with the right pants,
or the right bare-bottom shorts,
they're going to be turning heads
the way that Sass is turning heads.
Yeah.
Have you guys seen this
celebrity relative show?
Claim to Fame?
The one where Tom Hanks' niece was like,
I want more camera time.
I saw that. What is it?
It's a reality show where the contestants are all relatives of celebrities,
and they each have to guess,
and if they guess correctly, that person has to leave.
They have to guess if they're a relative or who they are.
I've only seen one clip.
It's called Claim to Fame.
I want to find that.
Claim to Fame. Watch want to find that. Claim to fame.
Watch an entire episode of it.
But do you have an idea if they get kicked off if they are – if you find out who it is or if you find out that they are a relative of someone famous?
Do you have to know it's Tom Hanks' niece?
So, yeah, this person guessed Tom Hanks correctly for this girl, and she had to leave, and then she flipped out.
She flipped out.
Damn. I want to see the flip she flipped out. Flipped out. Damn.
I want to see the flip out. Can we show the flip out?
Carly. Wow.
He was correct.
I think we all can say it here.
Kevin Jones. Seems like a fake show. Well played. Carly, I am
sad to see you go, but it is time for you
to say goodbye to your fellow
players.
That just can't be real, is it?
What?
These freaking clothes are so freaking obvious!
Freaking bench!
That's a freaking poster of the freaking Forrest Gump!
Are you kidding me?
Oh, f***.
He's screaming, he's screaming, he's screaming, he's screaming.
Why a bench? Why a bench?
Why a bench?
There's literally no reference to benches on any other movie.
He's a gay man.
He's not even like smart.
For real?
That's cool.
I didn't even get to do any challenges.
Oh, my God.
Oh, she's horrible.
I don't know. I didn't have to put this any challenges. Oh, my God. Oh, she's horrible. This can't be real.
I don't know.
You didn't have to put this in.
That's all I saw.
More of that, please.
That's awesome.
Wow.
I would love to be brought to that level of anger,
like to scream like that.
Yeah.
So the whole premise of the show is to get-
Claim to fame.
To hide your identity.
Jonas Brothers host it.
And I guess- Kevin and Franklin Jonas. Franklin. To hide your identity. Jonas Brothers host it. And I guess...
Kevin and Franklin Jonas.
Franklin!
Frankie.
Frankie Jonas.
They call him the Bonus Jonas.
True.
Who is Frankie?
Yeah, he's...
I don't know Frankie so bad.
He's the little brother.
He was always in like...
I thought it was just three.
He was always in like Camp Rock and shit.
They just wouldn't let him sing or what?
Are people struggling to try to guess who Cuba Gooding III is?
I guess one of the contestants is Simone Biles' sister.
It was popular on social media last year.
This popular genre was people who were second cousins of Will Smith
or the niece and nephew of Travis Barker, blah, blah.
They would tease which celebrity they were related to and then the follow up posts
would be pictures of proof
proving that they really were
and then they give like little inside scoops about the family
blah blah blah and like those were blowing
up I'm intrigued by that yeah
I feel like it would be a cool show to like
gather up all the people who
are relatives
of famous people that also
want to be famous
and just execute them all.
I feel like that would be a good show.
That would be a really good show.
Do you guys have any famous relatives?
Any long lost?
Uh-uh.
Neither do I.
My grandpa was on TV for four years on NBC.
On NBC?
Was he like a news anchor?
No, there's a boxing reality show he was one of the trainers on.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And yeah, Adam from the Bible.
I'm descended from him.
All right.
Numero uno.
Technically, we all are sons of Allah.
I had Patrick Swayze's nephew in my unit in the Marine Corps,
and he was actually late checking in because he was at the funeral.
Nuh-uh.
And then our higher-ups would be like,
dance for us, Swayze, dance.
They would mess with him all the time.
But he looked crazy.
He looked like Patrick Swayze.
He was super handsome.
And then he was also in the military.
Yeah, he was also in the military.
A nice little flex.
Buddy dated Jeff Goldblum's niece.
Really?
Really.
Yeah. Did the nieces niece. Really? Really.
Did the nieces get any perks?
Nah.
There's got to be some. I would assume
getting to go to their vacation house.
I feel like vacations are good.
I don't know. It's more of just having a fun fact.
Okay, that's cool.
That's crazy.
I'm pretty sure my Aunt Kathy dated the guy who sang Edmund Fitzgerald very briefly in the 60s.
How briefly?
The guy who just died?
Yeah, yeah.
That's pretty cool.
That's my only.
That's a good one.
How about famous birthdays?
Do any of you share a birthday with famous? Well, That's a good one. How about, what about famous birthdays? Any of you share like a fame,
a birthday with famous?
Well,
there's a birthday today.
I know Elon Musk has a birthday.
Yes.
Musk.
Elon Cusack.
Cusack.
Uh.
Your birthday you share with?
Yeah.
Oh,
wait,
it's Nick's birthday today.
Oh.
Hey,
wow.
Is it really?
Nicky,
Nicky,
Nicky.
Are you one?
Are you two? Are you two?
Are you three?
I've never played this.
Do I stop you when it is?
Are you five?
Are you six?
Are you seven?
Are you eight?
Are you nine?
Are you ten?
Are you eleven?
Are you twelve?
Are you thirteen?
Are you fourteen? Are you 12? Are you 13? Are you 14?
Are you 15?
Are you 16?
Are you 17?
Are you 18?
Are you 19?
Are you 20?
Are you 21?
Yes.
No, Nick.
Now we got to restart.
Wait, but why do they keep on showing this box?
What's in the box? What's in the box?
What's in the box?
Tell me what's in the box.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh!
Yay!
Whoa!
Thank you, guys.
This is great.
Penny and a cake.
Thank you, guys. This is great. Henny and a cake.
Thank you, guys.
Henny and a cake.
The boy Henny and cake.
You know what time it is.
We're having cake affogatos.
Oh, the bowls from Che already. For the Henny on the cake.
Wow.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Let's celebrate good times.
Nick, 21 years old, brother, celebrating his one-year ante at Barstool.
That's right.
And, man, our time's good.
Happy birthday, brother.
We truly love you.
You are the light in our life.
Yeah.
My last birthday on the Yaks, Stephen tried to fight a very famous comedian.
Was that really a year ago?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, definitely.
I want that shirt
That shirt
Take it off your back
No after the show
I'll give it to you
Even though he has
Thank you guys
This is great
Hell yes brother
We need a
We need a cake cutter
Maybe Steven's going to go
Get a knife to cut up this cake
But I mean Nick
It's really like
Nicky's choice today
Whatever you want
I don't
Yes
No yes
It's Nicky's choice My 31 Oh. Whatever you want. No, yes, it's Nikki's choice.
My 31st birthday, that is a nothing birthday.
No, that's when Jesus got famous again.
Really?
Because didn't he die at 33?
He died at 33.
And he has two years in the Bible of his adult experience.
Oh, shit.
31 is when Jesus got back in the game.
So this is the first page of my New Testament.
Yes.
New Testament. But also, I think that's when Colosse back in the game. So this is the first page of my New Testament. Yes! New Testament.
But also, I think that's when Colosseum died.
Hmm.
The hell is that?
Or the...
Cut it all out.
Colosseum.
Whoever the Colosseum was named after.
John Colosseum?
Wait, the Colosseum's named after somebody?
Maybe I got that wrong.
New Testament, Nick.
You're moving to a new city.
You're starting out fresh.
This is New Testament me Holy shit Nick
Thank you guys I'm touched and I love you all
What should we do to celebrate
I feel like you're such a
Humble guy that
You're not going to ask for anything
Kyle got me a gift card to Nobu
Which was a touching gift
So I'm going to get it to go and bring it in for us
That would be great.
That would be perfect.
What a waste.
You've got to actually go.
Go, go, go.
Don't not go to Nobu.
I'm going to go to pick it up.
No.
Don't sit down.
What the hell?
That's so dumb.
Yeah, don't do that.
We're having Nobu tomorrow.
No, don't do that.
Plus, Sass isn't going to be here tomorrow,
and I would hate for him to miss Nobu.
True.
No. Sass,'t going to be here tomorrow, and I would hate for him to miss Nobu. True. No.
Sass, he loves his sushi.
It's all about the environment in there.
It's all about the ambiance of Nobu.
I like being in here.
This is where I want to have my sushi.
Kind of like Nobu.
This is similar.
It's a lot like Nobu.
I'm telling you, my boo, that you're going to have to go in and do that shit.
You're kind of known for, like, you have a knack for gift-getting for other people.
It's his love language.
Oh, no, no.
No, you do.
No, that's not true.
I'll buy something I like, and when somebody compliments, I just give it away.
I was going to ask, what's the best gift you ever got that you were, like, blown away by,
that you were like, holy shit, besides this cake?
This cake.
The multi-broomed hat.
TJ's hat buying is great.
I got an electric scooter one year.
That's pretty sweet.
Pretty good one.
Do you still use it?
No, I got it for Christmas.
It was a Christmas gift, not a birthday gift.
But I put it behind the car
and it got ran over the day after Christmas.
101's so bad. I put it behind the car and it got ran over the day after Christmas. 101's so bad.
Damn, imagine zooming
around. I was zooming around the kitchen because there was snow on the
ground.
On the electric?
On the electric.
Pretty spacious kitchen. Are we talking an island?
I was going around the island.
I was like at that age where
right before Heelys, no, it was like
a button, two buttons on the inside, and they turned into roller skates.
So you went like that, and the four wheels came out.
That's way cooler than Heelys.
Yeah, it was pretty cool.
They were like hidden, but it was like the clunkiest shoe on the inside.
Yeah, I'd imagine.
Yeah.
Four-inch platform.
How did it work?
They flipped down from the sides?
There were two buttons here and here, here and here, and then you went like that and hit all four buttons, and then
they turned into really tight roller skates.
What the fuck? I remember I fell
in Home Depot and cried.
But Home Depot was the best place
to use those. Home Depot hurt.
Home Depot was painful.
I don't know what they did to their floors on the
Mohs scale. It is hard. So hard.
Yeah, it's perfectly flat and hard.
I wonder if there's a chart out there of Home Depot floor
injuries, because I bet... Oh, people have probably
died cracking their heads. People have died on those
floors. Trying to grab a 2x4?
I think it's like 30,000 people a
year. Yeah. High in Home Depot.
Yeah. I think it's not sure.
Those are old numbers. Home Depot has better vibes
than Lowe's. I remember.
It's the colors.
And the song. Menards.
I've never been to Menards. And the song. Menards. I've never been to Menards.
Save big money at Menards.
I thought Menards was groceries.
I've never even heard of Menards.
I thought Menards was hardware.
Menards.
What was the worst vibes
of an errand place?
I like Ace Hardware.
I love Ace Hardware.
Ace Hardware was good.
The bank sucked. Bank was the worst. Post office sucked. No, I liked the tube thing. I love Ace Hardware. Ace Hardware was good. What was Nova? The bank sucks.
Bank was the worst.
Post office sucked.
No, I liked the tube thing.
Oh, the bank.
Tube was cool.
Drive-thru post office is good.
Walking into a post office sucks.
Walking.
It still sucks.
I get intimidated.
You can go with the stamps and try to get them all off in one.
U-Haul places suck.
That's my vibes.
Oh, the worst.
U-Haul's not great.
Rental car.
U-Haul, they act like you're fucking insane.
Yeah.
I remember I got my U-Haul and I went out and I was looking for the, they were like,
yeah, go pick up the car and I'm outside.
And I'm like, I don't have keys or anything.
And they're like, oh.
They're like, what did you guys think?
I was going to like hotwire the car?
Like, I need the keys.
They act like I was-
Are you legally allowed to U-Haul? Yeah.
18.
But you can't rent a car, but you can
U-Haul across America.
I've never had an issue with a rental car place.
They don't give a fuck. They're just like,
yeah, go pick out a car. They never let me get
cars. Hertz fucked
me.
Hey.
Did you see that thing about...
It was something with Hertz
and people's cars getting...
They would claim
you never returned it, even if you did.
And then you'd be getting... There was this whole big thing
in the news the other...
That was a cool story by me.
I think the news might be that those people
didn't return their car.
I bet they're lying.
Or did return their car, and Hertz is lying.
That's what it was.
That's what it was.
People were returning their cars, but the company was claiming that they weren't or something like that.
Unless they want to sponsor us, which...
Shout out to Hertz.
Love Hertz.
I just wish Hertz stuck by their word.
Thank you.
Of being their under 25, we've got you covered.
Oh, hell yeah.
Then you arrive
and they don't have you covered.
It's not even my birthday.
Mass they just turn you down
or they put you in
like a dorky car?
No they turn you down.
You go
I set a reservation
you go and they're like
yeah no we don't have
any of the cars that you want.
Or like we don't
they're like all of these cars
are in our
are in our deluxe package.
People under 25
can't rent them.
It's so stupid.
Why is that a rule?
Like, I've had my license for six years.
Yeah.
Because you're not responsible?
Thank you, Jay.
Cheers, cowboy.
Yeah, that's for you.
You're not going to have cake even on Nick's birthday?
No.
How about some Henny?
Can't.
Is that like a high-end bottle of Henny?
I never saw that shading.
No, it was...
I don't know if it's high-end.
Yeah, I got it on Drizz shading. No, it was... I don't know if it's high-end. No.
I got it on Drizzly.
Yeah, you needed... I spilled ice cream on the seat.
You know what else you could get on Drizzly, Ron?
You can get High Noon on Drizzly.
Oh, yeah.
That's what you should be getting on Drizzly.
Nick, I actually got you a pallet of High Noon
tequila seltzers. Oh, hell yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, they're sitting on your desk, and you can grab them at any time.
And if you're a listener of the show and you want to celebrate Nick's birthday,
you guys can grab them anytime on Drizzly very simply,
or you can go to highnoonspirits.com, get that delivered to you.
You're going to be enjoying it because it tastes so good,
because they have so many good flavors, because there's no malt, because
it's only 100 calories, because it's real tequila, and it's real juice, and because
it's just delicious for a sunny day like today.
I think it would pair ridiculously well with some ice cream cake, but it also just, it
pairs well with the lifestyle, and that's the lifestyle that we're living, and that's
the lifestyle we're not going to stop living, because we're underneath the flag of high noon delicious delicious high
noon find some for yourself today find some high noon for yourself today
i want high noon to like send us to wrestlemania
yeah yeah they should put us in the front row Yeah Let us get fucking smacked in the face
Chew on a little blood
A little blood capsule
Pop it
Have it bleeding all over the place
I want that
That's the dream
Robbie got that
Robbie the Loki gets to do
Awesome, cool stuff all the time
It's cause he's a grinder
He is, yeah
He's in a position to succeed
Of course
Just puts his head down and fucking grinds.
Yeah, but he also chose to make his thing awesome stuff.
Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah, it's lots of different awesome stuff.
Music.
Superheroes.
UFC superheroes.
Yeah, acting.
Maybe he's just a cool guy.
He's just interested.
It's so cool to be interested in stuff
and to think the stuff that you like is cool.
I think that's an underrated quality
to have that perspective on the stuff that you like.
It's like, oh, this is actually cool.
You're curious about the people that do it
instead of being like...
He goes to concerts all the time.
No alcohol.
Is he not a booze guy?
It doesn't matter who he goes with. He'll go alone. Is he not a booze guy? Doesn't matter who he goes with.
He'll go alone.
Does he not drink?
I don't know.
I think he does.
Fairly certain he does.
Yeah, I made that up.
He probably gets wasted.
He drinks every
single day.
He's definitely bunning it down, though.
He's definitely sparking
it up.
Troops walked into the office today and tickled me.
Really?
He's a loud
tickler. He said coochie coochie coo
any of you guys see that tickle documentary what the pro like the competitive tickling documentary
oh shut up it was actually very highly rated i think on what on what uh service on maybe netflix
what was it called?
Damn.
I got booted from my Netflix.
They don't have a family.
I haven't gotten that yet.
Tickling is essentially torture.
It's called tickled.
What do you mean?
Really, it's being made to laugh against your will.
That guy does not like to get tickled.
It's like a... 7.5 on IMDb. That guy does not like to get tickled. It's like a...
7.5 on IMDb.
That's incredible.
That doesn't seem like torture, though.
Like you're being made to feel like a pleasant sensation.
But did you ever get tickled as a kid and you were like, seriously, stop?
Oh, I should have said that.
No one tickled.
I guess I'm an open target now.
Quit it.
I'm really ticklish.
What do you think about it?
I'm so fucking ticklish.
I hate it.
Someone sneaks up on me and gets my belly.
It's a raspberry.
I'm going to freaking try.
I'm going to be mad.
I hate getting tickled, especially on the feet.
Why would you do that?
Coochie coochie coo.
It is crazy that the words for tickling are universal.
Like a guy from England is using the same word.
You'd think that they would have a whole other word over there.
Being tickled?
Or like for the coochie coochie coo, like that type of.
People are saying coochie coochie coo? Yeah. I'm going to stage a coochie-coochie-coo, like that type of. People are saying coochie-coochie-coo?
Yeah.
I'm going to stage a coochie-coo.
Kyle's girlfriend.
It's mine now.
Damn.
Coochie-coo.
You got to get ice cream for the entire office.
You think you could go, like if you went back in time to ancient Rome,
you could go up to a gladiator and be like, coochie-coochie-coo?
Da-da-da.
What?
Oh, that's Arabic.
Oh, dude.
Day two of Arabic.
Da-da-da.
What's that mean?
Tickle.
Come on.
I'm learning Arabic.
Yeah, you're reading it the wrong direction.
All I know is da and do, though.
You're saying it backwards. I don't even know what da and do, though. They're saying it backwards.
I don't even know what they mean.
No, that's how tickle is.
You didn't learn tickle already.
Tickle is not one of the first words you learned in Arabic.
That might be the least tickle.
Tickle was in the first.
It was in day one of Arabic?
It's a very universal thing.
Tickle was...
There's nothing sexual about it.
It's just bros who hold hands with each other and walk around and have platonic communication.
It's also a form of communication.
That's up there with hello.
Search Arab dudes tickling.
You won't find any results.
Search Arab dudes in the world.
You think they do, Kate?
Arabic dudes are very affectionate with their friends.
Yes.
That hand-holding thing is not a joke.
Wholehearted apology.
That is very a joke. Wholehearted apology. That was very
affectionate.
I didn't know
Mr. Tickle
was Arab.
He really is.
There's zero pictures
of Arab dudes
tickling one another.
It's out there.
Do you mean
non-Arab dudes
tickling?
What did you say, Zah?
My biggest cultural
change when I moved over here initially,
like the one thing I had to change is in Zimbabwe we hold hands a lot.
Men hold hands and you can walk down the street.
Yeah, it's like a very affectionate, like very.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I had trouble.
So in Africa a lot of dudes are just holding hands?
Well, in Zimbabwe.
Other parts of Africa I'm not too, too sure.
But, yeah, down the street, walking across the street.
When do you initiate it?
Who's the first person that grabs up, and what type of person would you do it with?
Anyone, pretty much.
Actually, it's usually someone you know.
It's usually someone you know, and when you say hi,
you literally can have a conversation just holding hands pretty much a whole conversation yeah a lot of linked arms too a lot of walking
with linked arms walking walking and talking with linked yeah so i had to scratch that off my
vocabulary so did you like come to america and try it with one of your new new homies yeah and then
you quickly catch on to the culture you You quickly catch on that, you know,
you learn things like the pause culture out here
and all that nonsense, and you're like, all right.
The first time you heard pause, you were just like, oh.
Yup, yup.
Zimbabwe just bodied the U.S. in cricket?
Yes, sir, absolutely.
Cricket score.
Cricket's the second biggest sport in the world.
We better be getting bodied in it. Yeah. Two more wins the second biggest sport in the world. We better be getting embodied in it.
Two more wins and we're going to the World Cup.
Oh, nice.
Who do you got to beat?
So out of these three, it's Oman.
So we're probably going to beat Oman.
Scotland is the one that's a little bit dicey.
Sri Lanka, I don't know.
Sri Lanka's probably a powerhouse.
So it's between Oman and Scotland games.
Who's the best team, India?
Right now, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
India's good.
What team is that most Instagram followed, most famous?
India.
India, okay.
I don't know anything about cricket, but you can watch his highlights
and you can be amazed.
And be amazed by it, yeah.
My dad went to India when I was a kid.
He brought me home a cricket bat.
It was pretty fucking sweet.
I was like, I'm about to be nice at this,
but I've never had anybody to play it with.
Yeah, it's hard.
I see people playing in the park sometimes.
It looks fun.
I heard that.
You're doing pretty good, man.
Thank you.
Remember, hello, my love is Marhaba Habibi.
I used to work at a diner. It sounds cool. Like high school. Pretty good, man. Thank you. Remember, hello, my love is Marhaba Habibi. Marhaba Habibi.
I used to work at a diner.
It sounds cool.
Like high school.
Marhaba Habibi.
Nacha Nahratan.
Harandan.
All right.
What words do you know?
Hello, my love.
Tickle, tickle.
That was hello, my love.
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
Harandan.
Fuck, man.
Nacha Nahratan.
Should we all learn it?
Yeah.
And you would be saying that to your boys?
Of course.
Hey, my love, tickle, tickle, tickle.
As you held hands.
It's very hard to remember, though.
I already forgot.
How is it?
How do you say hello, my love?
Marhaba, habibi.
Marhaba, bibi.
Elahel dahelon.
Harba, habibi.
Marhaba, bibi.
Elahel dahelon.
What is the tickle, tickle, tickle?
I'll play it.
Elahel dahelon. Elahel dahelon. Marhaba, bibi. Elahel dahelon. What is the tickle, tickle, tickle? I'll play it. Dach-dach-a-ton.
Dach-dach-a-ton.
Mal-ha-bee-bee-dach-a-ton.
Dude, I'm not laughing because it's funny.
I'm laughing because you're getting so good so fast.
It's blowing my mind.
You're about to get headhunted by the CIA.
I know.
And then if they
knock at my door,
I'll say,
son,
we need you out
in Oman.
Stat.
He's a natural.
Bring him to the hill.
Sorry,
that's CIA stuff.
You probably wouldn't get that.
Hello,
my love.
Tickle,
tickle.
Tickle, tickle Tickle
Tickle tickle
Let's see
You just happened to learn tickle tickle tickle
Before we talked about it
Where did you find that
Tickle tickle tickle
Where did that come on your radar
I Google translated it while we were talking about tickling
I wish you never told me
Why is it not playing We were talking about tickling. I was kidding. Oh, wow. Wish you never told me.
Why is it not playing?
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
Why the hell is it not doing the audio?
What the fuck?
All right, let's just do Hello, My Love.
That should be completely different than what I said. I think you were pretty spot on.
From what you remember from your studies.
From my diner years.
It's not playing the audio.
How did you learn it, Kate?
I worked at a diner, and it was run by Egyptian men.
We'd all say that to you?
How do you say get in my car?
I think for high school girls.
I love how you were in the Middle East for how many years,
but you learned it from a diner.
That's really how it works, though.
You learn it most in the kitchen.
You learn a different language so easily in a kitchen.
I heard that, too.
I might just start watching a show in a different language to try to pick up.
No one recommended that to me.
Simpsons or some shit.
I've been falling asleep to podcasts, and the podcast conversation is part of my dream.
That's weird as hell.
Try it out, maybe?
It's like when Dexter tried to learn French in Dexter's lab,
but the CD skipped, so he just learned egg omelet.
Maybe cheese omelet.
Yeah, I remember that one.
You've been using a lot of Dexter references.
Dexter's great.
One per show, I think.
Yep.
Marhaba.
I love you.
I love you.
And you now know it forever.
You beautiful accent.
Where are you from?
Massachusetts.
Sandwich.
Do you watch Dexter, Nick?
The Murder Show?
Oh, Dexter's Lab.
Both of them.
The show's pretty good until he starts fucking his sister.
Then it gets weird.
Yeah.
The kid from Dexter's Laboratory fucks his sister?
Yeah, Dee Dee.
That's weird.
That's just not right.
He was married to her in real life.
Yeah.
Yeah, it just didn't make sense for the show.
Out of nowhere, they just fall in love after seven years.
It's actually a plot point.
Yeah, because he's adopted.
Wait, in the cartoon?
No.
No, in the serial killer show.
I should have never ate that ice cream.
Yeah, my tummy hurts.
Yeah, I ate that bowl of desserts,
and then I didn't know there was cake in the box.
I didn't know.
I never guessed it.
I'm not mad about it.
I fucked up my perfect protocol so bad.
My protocol was shot.
Yeah.
By Taco Bell last night.
Yeah.
You did?
Yeah.
Kind of fucked.
Crushed.
Still great.
I wasn't.
How late did I stay out?
Yeah.
Two.
Man.
Were you boozing?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Back on though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Sassy's off the wagon. I mean,... Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Tassie's off the wagon.
I mean, we didn't...
When did you leave?
Midnight?
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I didn't really drink after you left, though.
I just encouraged Colin to keep drinking.
Yeah.
Who's over at the stand?
No one.
I actually went.
I came back.
Oh, really?
I closed.
Damn.
That's fucking brutal.
That breaks my fucking heart.
Makes me sad as hell.
KB, yesterday when we were in that podcast studio, Nick and Sass were really complaining
about the heat that was really hot.
Did it affect you?
Yeah, I was very annoyed.
You were hot as well?
Muggy as hell.
I just didn't know if your protocol would give you better...
Oh, the humidity took me by surprise this year.
Yeah, I didn't know if it regulated your body temp better,
like the cold showers or something.
I'm better with cold now.
I still struggle mightily with the sauna in hot temperatures.
It had to have been 95 degrees in there.
It was not a good environment for speaking.
No.
Where? That was here somewhere?
I would.
I like to go outside and just stand
in the sun sometimes.
I get so cold.
It's freezing in here.
Is this how most buildings are?
Every work building, people are complaining about the temperature.
Someone comes over and they lower it down to like 60 degrees.
Every office always has a space heater woman.
That's Jordan Berry here.
She has a tiny fireplace.
Her name is Meredith or something.
I just don't get it because we all dress for the temperature it is outside.
And then you come in here and it's like the winter. So it like what are you supposed to do about that this is perfect for me i love
this right now i mean right now it's not bad but i bet out there it's colder yeah i don't i i think
that our air conditioning guy is a psychopath you know who i'm talking about i always see him
walking around he breaks it on purpose then he comes back and he hangs out. Exactly. And he'll just hang out.
The man though.
Did you see that giant
HVAC pipe
that fell into that pool?
Oh my God, yes.
Holy fuck.
So I thought it was just
the pipe that was leaking
and I thought the rest
were like toys
and you climbed on that
in the pool.
I thought it was
like an industrial pool.
Oh, it was insane.
It's like a pipe
the size of a tunnel fell on top of a... The people in the pool? I thought it was like an industrial pool. Oh, it was insane. It's like a pipe the size of a tunnel fell on top
of a... The people in the pool?
Yeah. Everyone lived,
but two people were pretty hurt.
And then there's a poopy pipe spraying poopy
out into the pool. Oh, I want to see that.
No. Poopy pipe's going. Yeah, look at that.
That whole pipe. And look at the poopy pipe
in the background. Oh. Wow.
Were people
in there? Did anyone get smushed to death no two people got
like pretty hurt but they're gonna live that's the new barstool chicago office look at that poopy
pipe spraying all that poop yeah we just have a poopy pipe that sprays far randomly anyway
anus studio is just a poopy pipe that is like a request that Big Cat would have for Pete.
Like, we need a poopy pipe.
Yeah, it is.
All our plumbing is clear
in the new office
so you can judge about everybody.
It would be funny
if like the bathroom
did have a clear pipe
coming out of it.
Oh, that would be amazing.
Like one of those
sushi conveyor belts.
It just goes by.
Clear pipe, yes.
Yeah.
It goes through the acronym.
That would be so funny.
It would be, like, very funny.
But.
Call Pete.
Tell him we need a poopy pipe.
Call Big Cat.
He'll make it happen.
He will.
Are they still golfing?
Yeah, I think it's like a four-day affair, I think. Okay. A poopy pipe. Call Big Cat. He'll make it happen. Are they still golfing?
Yeah, I think it's like a four-day affair.
Tomorrow's the last day, and they come back Friday.
Poor guys.
That's tough.
Yeah, but it's sold, so they got to do it.
It's true.
It actually looks awesome.
I know.
Yeah, it does.
Killed to be out on the links right now.
I'd love to be on the links so bad.
Next week, maybe we'll play a little golf down on the shore.
Should we?
There's some good courses down there.
You guys should go.
I'm going to go.
If I'm invited, I'll go.
Do you want to split a place?
We probably won't find one, will we?
The CILN.
Stay right there, McNutley's.
You could stay at the CILN.
You could stay at La Costa.
We'll be jam-packed and booked for the 4th of July. Stay right there, McNutley's. You could stay at the Seattle Inn. You could stay at La Costa. You could stay at...
We'll be jam-packed and booked for the 4th of July?
I can't go.
I have to be here for the 4th of July.
But I can go...
You're going back to 3rd.
Oh, so you're going this weekend?
Yeah.
I'm going to go.
I can't go Saturday.
Well, then you just can't go.
All I have this weekend is shows Saturday.
You have one night, and I have shows Tuesday.
Then I have the rest of the week.
So you want to go after the 4th of July.
Or I could go Sunday, Monday.
That's what I'm going to be in.
I'm going to Africa.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You're going to Africa.
Oh, wow.
I'll go with you after.
Come to South Africa.
All right, fine. I wanted to go to South Africa. Yeah'll go with you after. Come to South Africa. All right, fine.
I wanted to go to South Africa.
Yeah, he just asked me.
Sass, you couldn't handle it.
No.
Ask Dana Beers first.
For the bush.
Yeah.
Own his wife and Dana Beers.
Yeah.
We're going to fix apartheid with some cases of Bud Light.
That's going to be awesome.
Try to give a Bud Light to the last black rhino.
Ask South Africa about Rodriguez.
Who's Rodriguez?
He's a musician.
I think he's American.
Musician.
Folk singer.
But he blew up down there and did it now. Is that the
Searching for Sugar Man documentary?
Sugar Man. Yeah, he's
great, and he was, there was
rumors that he lit himself
on fire on stage and had
killed himself, or he shot himself
in the middle of a concert, like all this shit, and
then these crazy fans in South Africa
tracked him down, and he was literally just like a painter
in Detroit.
And he was 70, still painting.
And then they were like, yo, dude, you're the most famous person in South Africa right now.
And then he went to South Africa and he sold out 10 arenas.
What, he didn't know?
No one knew.
And he's 70 years old?
He's probably older.
He's probably like 80, 90 now.
That's going to happen to John Rich's dad for his algebra songs.
He's just blowing up in China.
That's where I was going to guess.
They just love him.
Required listening to the kids there.
It was something like his album.
He recorded
an album and then his record label
dropped him, but then somehow one of the records
made its way to South Africa,
and then someone just printed a million of them.
It was like he's the biggest.
Shout out to that dude that just made tons of money
without his know-how.
I keep on going on the Cape Town subreddit,
and I keep on seeing these different and new foods
that I've never seen.
It's just people saying, I'm craving this
something I've never heard of
before. You're going to be in your glory.
What is their dish?
What is their best dish?
I don't know. It's shit I've never seen before.
I don't know if it's pies or
baked goods or something like that.
Are you doing the city
or are you going out to do some
wilderness shit? A little bit of both.
Nice.
Have you been to Cape Town?
Rash is about to go.
Yeah.
I'm good.
Yeah.
Beautiful city.
It's one of his favorite cities.
The most beautiful city I've seen on this planet so far.
Wow.
Right on a mountain.
You got the penguins.
You got the ocean right there.
Yeah.
Penguins.
Are you guys hiking at all up the mountain?
Table Mountain?
I did see that there's actually not
It's not like known for hiking
You can climb Table Mountain
You get the cable car
Go to the top there
It's going to be cold
It's going to be cold
Yeah it's winter time
Well those are sitting too high on his face
What the hell was that?
What was that?
What's that flight looking like?
15 hours.
Damn.
But guess what he's flying?
Delta freaking one.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I got this diamond.
So I got the upgrade.
So you'd have like a kitchenette.
I hope so.
It's not that, what's the one?
350.
What's the one that Francis flew?
Emirates.
Emirates, yeah.
Where you literally have a door.
But he wasn't even the top seat on Emirates, which is crazy.
I think he was business class, but it's still like...
I think the second floor of the Emirates flight is like an apartment.
Can you go Zontal or what?
Yes.
I can go Zontal.
Nice.
Yeah, 15 hours you're going to need it.
15 hours without Zontal would be hell. First class on those Emirates when you can Yes. Nice. Yeah, 15 hours you're going to need it. 15 hours without Zonta
would be hell.
First class on those Emirates
when you can shower.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
There's a bar.
There's like a walk-up bar.
There's no situation
where you would need to shower.
I wouldn't mind a shower
on a fucking...
They got it there
for you, my brother.
Right before you land.
Fresh in there.
We should do a Yak episode
on the first Class of Emirates
and do the wet wheel
I mean that's like a subsect of YouTubers
who are just like I took the most expensive
flight around the world
I was Casey Neistat like originally
I love those yeah there he is
unreal
I like him a lot
I never got into it I never watched his shit
look at this motherfucker.
I mean, that's insane.
These all have to be
JetBlue
Mint. Rowan, you were saying that JetBlue
Mint is
crazy, right?
No, I don't know nothing about it. I wasn't saying
anything about it. Someone was telling me.
So he just does a lot of luxury shit?
I think he did one of these videos, and then does a lot of like luxury shit or I think I think he did
one of these videos and
then I think it popped
off.
And then I think
airlines probably were
like do a review of
ours.
We'll give you a free
we'll give you a free
ticket.
I don't think they
probably gave him a
free ticket and a bag.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Way that just the
free ticket would do
it.
There's this one guy
I watch.
He does like the
cheapest like the
longest cheapest.
I saw I saw one guy
do the cheapest train
in India. It was like 15 hours
and they were just stacked up on top of each other.
Or like the bus rides in Thailand.
Where are the bus rides? There's like crazy
bus rides in Asia that everybody's like
there's like a million people all on top
of one another. Have you guys seen this
like the
they made
like a mock-up. What is the word I'm looking for? Documentary? A mock-up? No, like a mock-up. What is the word I'm looking for?
Documentary?
A mock-up?
No, like a mock-up of a blueprint.
Rendering?
What is the good?
Oh, the new plane seats they want to do?
Yeah, rendering, a mock-up.
You're right.
And yeah, the new plane seats,
and it's like they're stacked on top of each other.
Have you guys seen that?
Who gets the ass-to-face seat is what I don't want.
There's an ass-to-face seat?
Yes.
Can you find that?
Yeah.
I think that's from a couple years ago.
I don't know if anyone has done that, though.
No.
Somebody here should do, like, go to LaGuardia, buy the cheapest flight, and then wherever
they land, they buy the cheapest flight there, and they have to do, like, five of them and
see where they end up.
Yeah.
That'd be fun.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
So the lower level gets full leg extension.
Oh, that's cool.
But also ass in the face.
But wouldn't your legs get tired of being like this for that long?
Like, I would go crazy not being able to.
I don't know.
Look how happy she is.
That's true.
Is that the cop who had the sex?
Looks like the sex cop.
She got the train ran on her.
Snow bunny.
I think, I mean, once this United Boom
thing comes out, I think all those people that are
spending $25,000 on first class
seats are just going to fly that. What is it?
It's like the really fast. Oh,
it's coming back again. Yeah.
I think that comes out in like a year
or so. I don't even think it was
predicted to come out in 2024.
At some level, people are just flying private, though,
if they're rich enough. Yeah. But I would fly. fly i think people are gonna fly that instead of flying private because
it's pretty much private there's like eight people on the plane and it says you can get to
you could get to like london in three hours that's insane yeah you gotta fucking wait like a year for
them to like work out like the deaths yeah conquered do that. Yeah, conquered. Fucking those things were exploding.
Yeah.
When those things crash, it's like there's not even,
it's just turned to dust.
An engine that's that high powered is like, yeah, terrifying.
Yeah, and they take off at like a 90 degree angle.
Yeah.
Scary.
Yeah.
And I think the problem was that there were so many sound complaints, right?
Right.
It was like taking off.
Setting off car alarms and stuff
because it was so loud.
I saw a thing today
about submarines,
like say a Navy submarine,
the sonar,
you know,
like the ping.
Yeah.
And there was a diver
who was, I guess,
scuba diving around
and he was like,
oh shit,
he had his camera on.
It was a submarine
beneath him all of a sudden.
I saw that video.
That's horrifying.
And somebody retweeted
this was his,
what the diver was thinking was please don't use son was, please don't use sonar, please don't
use sonar, please don't use sonar. And I was like,
why? And this,
it was just a random guy on Twitter, but I believe him,
was like, sonar is so powerful.
If you're close to it, it'll literally
like, boom, like melt your
breath. It's like
so powerful to just destroy your insides
if it hits you in those range.
Is that true?
I don't know if I believe that.
Can sonar kill you?
I don't know.
I saw that, but I was curious.
I didn't know.
But then people were like,
no, the Navy can only use them at a depth
that's beyond where people can go.
But then people were like,
so they're just down there messing with whale brains
when they whatever.
I mean, the nukes that they exploded in the ocean
are like, how insane is that?
They're just fucking.
That was curiosity.
Yeah.
It's like we just
kind of want to see.
Those videos are nuts
of them testing out.
Imagine being a whale.
They did it.
That's cool.
Whale blowing up.
Oh whales like
if they like get beached
can't they just like blow up
because of the like gastric.
Did you ever see that video?
Yeah it's dangerous.
Gassy whale blows up. I don't know if you can google that.
Oh yeah, that was one of like the first YouTube videos.
Yeah, it was. You're right.
First thing I watched on like newgrounds.com or
ebombsworld.
Yeah, these whales are out here exploding.
I didn't know that.
That sonar was like a real
Is transportation even improved in our
lifetime? Yeah. Cars are
self-driving now.
Oh yeah, you have to like degas them. Has transportation even improved in our lifetime? Yeah. Cars are self-driving now. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Wait.
Oh, this one.
Oh, yeah.
You have to, like, degas them.
Like...
Poor bastard.
He was acting like he walked in front of a wedding proposal at Disney.
There's a big exploding one, though, where it goes...
Like, the pieces of the whale go, like, hundreds of feet.
That was... Oh Oh my god.
One more, one more
for sass.
Holy shit.
That's crazy.
Probably sass
after that Taco Bell.
No, I still
have sass as shit.
I still haven't shit
which is a problem.
Oh my god. I tried to squeeze shit, which is a problem. Oh my God.
I tried to squeeze one out this morning.
No movement.
You need to get your body moving.
That'll get the shit out of you.
You gotta really hydrate.
Yeah, hydrating too will get it out of you.
Or hot and cold.
Oscillating between hot and cold beverages.
Yeah.
Go for a run, then chug an apple juice and smoke a cigarette.
No, I'm gonna shit.
Like, I will shit.
Spin like 10 hours.
We're not that worried.
I will shit.
Mark my words.
God is my witness.
I will shit.
I believe you.
I've had teachers growing up that said he'd never shit.
Harry, you're never gonna shit.
Watch.
Fucking watch me.
Write a rap song about it.
You're not in here tomorrow?
You're shooting sketches?
Yeah, all day.
Nice.
Nine to five.
Five to nine.
You know how it goes.
His ass is a fucking grinder. He is. I got a show tomorrow night at the stand. Come. Come to nine. You know how it goes. Sass is a fucking grinder.
He is.
I got a show tomorrow night at the stand.
Come.
Come to it.
How much is tickets?
I don't know.
I want to go to one before Chicago.
Should we do a...
Can we all do like a Sass show night?
Yeah, but we don't tell them.
Yeah, where we show up and get a little table.
I did that last night.
Yeah, I saw you.
But I knew you were coming.
You didn't.
I didn't tell you.
Callum told me.
I told Callum. I wanted to surprise you. He's like, yeah, I don't But I knew you were coming. You didn't? I didn't tell you. Colm told me. I told Colm.
I wanted to surprise you.
He's like, I don't know.
Is he trying to surprise you or something?
I was like, I don't fucking know.
Is that your Irish accent?
It's a good Irish.
That's how Colm talks.
Hoi, hoi.
Surprise you.
Hoi, hoi, hoi.
That's how he greets people.
Hoi, hoi, hoi.
Hoi, hoi.
And then he says something very bad.
Naughty guy.
But great.
I mean, we got to go to a sass show on a Tuesday night.
There's tables in there.
Yeah.
Skinny room.
How's the ambiance?
Really good.
Strong.
Powerful.
Really good.
It just feels like.
It's the lighting.
Hidden New York.
Great, perfect spotlight.
The guy who was taking
still photos,
I was sitting right by him.
He was just taking gems.
Nice.
Perfect still photos.
What do you got, Steve?
Nothing.
I thought you were
leaning towards the mic.
I thought you had
some juice for me.
No.
Sass is going to be in Chicago.
What?
Sass is going to be in Chicago
in October.
Zanies?
Yeah. Yeah. About to Zanies in Chicago. Sass is going to be in Chicago in October. Zanies. Yeah.
About to Zanies in Chicago.
Let's sell that thing out.
Oh, you're going to be there?
I'm going to go the whole week.
Stay with me.
You going to pop in the office?
Yeah, probably.
Nick, open for him.
No.
Nick, open for him.
Retired.
Nick, open for him.
Retired.
Nick, open for him.
You just want me to take Mook off the card?
No, have Mook host. Mook host, you open. Have White Sox Dave open. Have White Sox Dave open. Nick, open for him. You just made me take Mook off the card? No, have Mook hosts.
Mook hosts, you open.
Have White Sox Dave open.
Have White Sox Dave open.
Oh, yeah.
What the hell?
Maybe he got...
Did he get for lunch?
Is that a steak?
Maybe he got his eyes dilated today or something.
What the hell is wrong with that guy?
Jay, what are you getting into for the fourth?
I don't know.
My house is actually in pretty good proximity to our town's local fireworks.
Oh, nice.
But I don't have any real plans.
I'm trying to see some fireworks for sure.
Did that come down, Che?
Yeah, you guys want to swing through my place?
Let's go to Che's.
Nick, I'm actually going to do something.
I am too.
I'm looking to do anything.
What day?
You're going to go for one day to the Jersey Shore?
Let's go to Jones Beach.
If you guys want to come to my house, I'd be happy to have you. Ready day? You're going to go for one day to the Jersey Shore? Just go to Jones Beach. If you guys want to come
to my house,
I'd be happy to have you.
Very nice outdoor viewing.
The fireworks are like
400, 500 yards away.
It's some tree coverage,
but you can see them.
It's pretty nice.
I want to post up on a beach
and just get obliterated.
That's Seattle.
You've got to go to Seattle.
Then have a fire. I want to C-I-L.
I want to have like
12 to 15 high noons
but like responsibly.
Over the span of two days.
That's a perfect number over the span of two days.
Eight the first day,
seven the second day.
Dial it back a little bit.
Do you want to play Sporkle for your birthday or skip it?
Or we could do a Nick Sporkle, like whatever.
We could go Logos or something that's up your alley.
Or we could just skip it.
Or we can just do a regular Sporkle, then classic.
All right, perfect.
A regular Sporkle, and then we'll call it.
Do you have any special plans?
Are you going out to dinner with your dad?
Are you...
Nah, not doing anything.
Chinese food, or Thai food, or Cambodian food?
Might head up to Kashkaval Garden to get a kebab.
Kashkaval?
Hmm.
What does that mean, Sass?
What does that translate to?
I don't know.
I guess you're not learning any Arabic.
Probably get a kebab and a squash medley.
Any of you boys getting facials today?
Yeah, I couldn't sign up.
Actually, that pissed me off.
Why?
I don't know.
Relaxing services?
It would piss me off if I got fired and then I saw that we have a special...
Facial day.
Everybody's getting facials in the office.
Sure.
See I feel like
cutting people
they're actually
cutting podcasts
and shows
and they're like
Facial time.
Okay who needs a massage?
Whose feet are a little bit sore?
I did hear them up there.
They are like
facial time.
Yeah.
It's also like
there's a bunch of people
in here that don't come in.
It's like
you go to church every day
and then like Christmas
comes around and you don't have your seat day i was wondering why it was packed today
because it's facial day everybody's all booked i couldn't even get one well it's one of those
things when the hr email comes out and it's like what would you like to see more of here and those
are options and it's like a spa day i always click like yeah that would be nice but when it comes
around i'm like i'm not doing that i'm not not going to do that. We're like, let's hire.
Get paid.
Keep wrestling.
You know what would be a fun game? Going upstairs and naming as many people
as you could. I like to go up there and grace
them with my presence every now and then.
They freak out.
It's like the Beatlemania when Sass comes upstairs.
I'd chill up there.
In a room by yourself.
Working hard or hardly working.
In the breastfeeding room, just watching.
I can't get in the breastfeeding room.
I was like, pump room?
It's always locked.
Have you been in there?
No, no one will let me in there.
Oh, it's great.
Walked in on Kyle doing curls.
Great lighting.
It's like quiet and dark.
There's a beautiful chair and a blanket and a mirror and a fridge.
There's lighting
yeah enrique enrique bought this stuff for it's like all you open the door and it's like the same
size as those tiny meters it's like a tiny little lovely world i used to like sit in there like i
would take my bag of stuff and then i would just sit in there all day long and it's great that
sounds great it It really is.
We got to fucking get some more direct sunlight in this building.
Terrible.
That's something that's not going to be solved. Why do we have blackout curtains in the main area of the office?
Next to the one corner where there's any good light.
Literally on the corner of 7th and 28th.
There's a 15-minute span during the day
where the sun hits another building and comes in,
which is about it.
I'm excited for the redesign of this office
because the layout is kind of shitty.
Everything's just dead ends.
I can't wait to see what they do with that.
I haven't seen the...
It's just so...
Uh-oh.
He's going off.
I think that Frank the Tank might be the biggest sports fan in America of all time.
I mean, last night.
Like, most identifiable sports fan with his team.
And I put him over, like, the, like, Robert, like, whoever on, like, the Lakers, like, fucking.
The Turban guy at Raptors games.
Toronto, yeah, because you don't even know his name.
Yeah.
Maryland.
I got a text last night.
I used to be on an indoor bocce league in Queens,
and this guy Chris I played with sent me a message,
a selfie with Frank the Tank.
He was like, look who I ran into at.
He's like big time.
I was like, how did you know where he was sitting?
He was like, I heard.
There was like a whole huge group surrounding him.
Yeah.
Truly.
What do you think his ego situation's like?
I don't know.
He said you hear him before you see him.
That's how you know.
I think it's pretty damn high, but not in a good way.
But I feel like he'll give his time equally to anybody.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody gets a photo.
Yeah.
Or he'll guest on anybody's show, anybody's podcast.
He'll do any project.
Yeah, he'll do any project.
He sees people equally, yeah.
But I bet you he won't wear a paper bag to the Mets
because nobody would recognize him.
They wouldn't?
What is that?
People are doing that?
Yeah.
I'm going Saturday.
So you know what you're doing this weekend.
Yeah, so I wanted to pretend like I could.
That'll be sick, though.
It's fun going to that stadium because a plane takes off every two minutes.
Really cool to see.
And then if you want to stop by any 200 muffler shops, you can just stop.
There's so many mufflers.
Like right across the street.
It's a whole endless muffler. Unless you like street It's a whole Endless muffler
Unless you like mufflers
You know put a muffler
On those planes though
Those bitches are loud as hell
Distracting
That's probably why the
Mets stink so bad
The chemtrails
Uh
Sporkle?
Or Wheel First?
Wheel First
I'm trying to fucking
Go to the beach now
Oh you have You have your sketches To shoot tomorrow Yeah Uh uh Uh, Sporkle? Or Wheel First? Wheel First. I'm trying to fucking go to the beach now.
Oh, you have your sketches to shoot tomorrow.
Yeah.
That's uh-uh.
What if you rewrote all beach sketches?
They would be so mad at me.
I would go tomorrow.
Yeah, I'll go tomorrow.
Skip the yak.
I can't.
I have to film sketches all day.
Yeah, I would go, though.
I'll go, yeah.
I'll go, too.
So you'll skip sketches. Beach yak? Yeah, I would do, though. I'll go, yeah. I'll go, too. So you don't skip sketches?
Beach yak?
Yeah, I would do a beach yak.
I'd do a beach yak.
Fun.
I don't want to go to the beach tomorrow. What else to go Friday?
We could do, my Aunt Peg down in Wildwood has one of those mega tubes.
We could all sit in the mega tube with our mics.
Most people in Wildwood must be.
You like tubes more than fucking Mario.
I really.
You like tubes so much.
I've never been skiing in my life.
I've been snow tubing a million times.
And I've tubed every major river in the United States.
No, you haven't.
No, you haven't.
That's a lie.
I've tubed the five across in the top corner.
Like, I've tubed around the entire United States.
I have.
You've done the Rio Grande.
No, I've done the...
What does that mean?
Salt River in Arizona. I've done the Salt River in Arizona.
I've done the Snoqualmie or whatever up in top left, whatever that is.
The West?
Seattle, outside Seattle.
I've done the Potomac.
I've done the Susquehanna.
I've done the Delaware.
Where else?
That is a good crop.
Brandywine.
That's a good one.
The Brandywine?
Yeah.
What was the best river for tubing?
I would say the Potomac was really fun.
I heard that there's magical tubing
in northern Florida. That it's like
some of the, it looks like a fairy tale.
They have natural lazy rivers.
I follow this guy River Daddy who lives
on one of those magic rivers
and it's like every day of his life.
What is a magic river? It's ones with, it's crystal clear,
but with manatees.
But there's also like flowers
that grow under the water
and shit like that.
It's amazing.
It looks like a fairy tale,
but there's also little gators in there,
I heard.
There are.
They're not mean.
Peninsula or like Jacksonville?
I'm not positive.
I'm not positive.
I was talking to someone this weekend
that was telling me,
but I don't know exactly the area.
That's on my tubing bucket list.
And then the Midwest, when they put those giant grain silos in the water
and the whole family gets in with like a picnic.
Have you seen that?
No.
The stock tanks, they put like an enormous stock tank pool in the river
and it'll be like a family of 10 with like a table in the middle
and like a small grill and They just go down these rivers
in the metal stock tanks, just float.
I don't know if you can Google stock tanks.
How many people are doing stuff?
I know. That's my dream.
It's so crazy how much people are doing stuff.
If anyone knows any good tubing...
Was it Rainbow River, Ron?
Rainbow River?
Maybe. Is that by Tampa?
Yeah, 30 minutes north of Tampa.
Kind of like you described. Yeah, Rainbow River? Maybe. Is that by, where's that, Tampa? Yeah, 30 minutes north of Tampa. It's kind of like you described.
It's a place like that.
Yeah, Rainbow River.
Crystal clear waters.
Did you ever go there when you were down there?
Yeah, once.
Got freaked out by the fucking manatees.
They look way too much like hippos.
I never went to Florida water again.
I can't believe there's manatees in the United States of America.
No, it's crazy.
Inland.
Monkeys.
Isn't that like the only place they are?
Are they?
I don't know. I'm not up on manatees. I always thought they were like Florida things. Yeah, it's crazy. Inland. Monkeys. Isn't that like the only place they are? Are they? I don't know.
I'm not up on manatees.
I always thought they were like Florida things.
Yeah, I've seen them in Florida.
Dolphins, too.
Florida has the wild monkeys now.
Dolphins are nasty.
Florida has malaria now.
I know, I heard.
Wait, really?
Yeah, that's not good.
Yeah.
That's why I got to get to Africa, bro.
That's the only place that's safe from malaria.
Yeah.
You were telling me about that. Get out the only place that's safe from malaria. Yeah.
Get out there.
But Africa is actually the safest.
Yeah, getting out of the United States, South Africa, no malaria.
You going to listen to Shakira out there?
Shakira?
Yeah, that Africa song. Swans for Africa.
Swans for Africa.
Swans for Africa.
I should love her
She had a nasty breakup
With P.K.?
Whoever she was with
Gerard P.K. I think she was with
Yeah
Goes out unlocked in
I'm trying to freaking get after it
You know?
I know, I see it in your eyes
You fucking demon
It's the shirt
Desire to just get after fun guys
Your hands are growing
Nah, that's my hands have always been big.
You should see his cock.
You should see his throbbing cock.
Have you seen it?
Not throbbing.
You haven't seen it throbbing?
Not throbbing.
Just regular hard.
It's like a door stopper, though, when it's hard.
It's a whole different thing.
I bet.
Let me peak throb. No, I think I've accidentally grazed it when it was hard. It's a whole different piece to throbbing. I bet. Let me peak throb.
No, I think I've
accidentally grazed it
when it was throbbing.
Yeah.
But like Calima.
I actually remember that.
I was pissed.
But also aroused.
But also you came.
Spin the wheel.
Oh.
I can, nah.
It's a matter of time until, like, Photoshop can un-Photoshop it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, very easily.
All the data of your cock.
There was, like, a serial killer or someone who was, like, doing crimes
that, like, was sending clues to the cops,
but they had done an apple face swirl or something like that.
And so the cops just went in and unface swirled.
They're like, oh, that's him.
He just sent us a picture of his face.
A high-res photo of him.
That's what happened to the BTK killer.
He would send the police letters for years,
but he would have to go to the library and print them out
and make sure his fingerprints weren't on them and all this shit.
And then he was like, can I just send you guys...
He was in communication with this one detective,
and he was like, can I just send you guys floppy disks instead?
Is that traceable?
And they were like, no, no.
And then he sent it to them, and they found him instantly.
And he was like, what the fuck, guys?
He was like, you told me you wouldn't be able to find me if I sent you a floppy disk.
There's like a video of him mad at the detective
being like, what lied to me?
What the fuck?
You guys are bad people.
You're playing cat and mouse here.
You ruined the game.
Yeah, so yeah.
The same way the BTK went down, we will see your cock.
You'd be lucky.
It was soft in that. It was not throbbing.
Imagine if it was. Imagine if I was rock hard
while taking the shot. The Photoshop would have been easier if it was hard.
It would have been up off
your neck. It would have been lifted off of your thighs.
Let me make this easier for Lil Air Rab.
Rock hard.
So you had a picture of just you standing with your soft cock on your phone for years.
Yeah.
It's probably still on.
You know what it is?
I think I took it on Snapchat with the timer.
I think it still might be on.
All nudes are Snapchat.
That was before the front.
Swirl face profile. Holy shit. Oh, man. swirl face pedophile
holy shit
oh man
he looked guilty as hell
in both pics
unswirled him
tight ass swirl
photo booth filter
oh no
no I literally think
it was the photo booth filter
I think that's what
he was sending to the cops
and they were just like
oh
okay
just spun it backwards
that swirl was like you need to the cops. They were just like, oh. Okay. Just spun it backwards.
But that swirl was like, you can get the fucking soft serve.
Yeah.
I just like it.
I did that for him.
You hand swirl photos. Yeah.
Damn.
For the pedophiles.
Why would a pedophile be, like, baiting the cops?
What about...
Yeah, they're not kids.
Yeah.
Maybe it's like a guilt thing. Maybe they want to get caught. Or, like, they're blaming kids maybe it's like a guilt thing
maybe they want to get caught
or like they're blaming the cops
like you guys should have just caught me if you didn't want me to do it
I had to fuck all those kids to find the crack
in the system
one way I could get your attention
fuck 12
fuck 12
fuck 12
yeah dog fucking the wrong 12 I love you, Ro. Fuck 12. Yeah, dog.
Fucking the wrong 12.
Oh, my God.
I'm pissed.
Spin that wheel.
Sass is thirsty.
Oh.
Oh.
You guys know what I want for my birthday?
Talk to us.
Actual, full fucking NASCAR.
I want the whole car.
All right.
Oh, shit.
Do that.
We can make that happen.
Please.
We could wrap you like a car.
We could wrap your entire body like a NASCAR car.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm thinking Alex Bowman.
I want A.J. Allmendinger.
A.J. Allmendinger. A.J. Allmendinger.
That's the funnest one to say.
We love NASCAR.
A bunch of Barstool people were just at a race.
Tommy, Large Spider.
Taylor LeJuan.
We're all in Nashville.
But the race next up is in my hometown of Chicago.
The biggest names in NASCAR will battle on Sunday, July 2nd.
100 laps, the NASCAR Cup Series inaugural Grant Park 220.
Drivers will be tested on the unprecedented 12-turn Chicago street course running through the iconic Grant Park.
The two-day music festival featuring the Chainsmokers, Miranda Lambert, Charlie Crockett, and the Black Crows.
Check out the Chicago Street Race from NASCAR.
7-2.
That is July 2nd.
That's right.
5.30 p.m. Eastern time on NBC.
Or just go in person.
Yeah.
That would be fun.
That's like a nice warm-up to 4th of July activity.
Yeah.
Outdoorsy.
Gets the taste of Pride Week out of your mouth.
And those NASCAR fans, it'll fucking, they'll power wash it off your tongue.
Yeah.
That's fucking good partying fun.
Those NASCAR fans have a blast out there.
Yes, they do.
Gotta get in the mix with the NASCAR folk.
No, you do.
You do.
I know.
I met one in Harlem.
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. You do. I know. I met one in Harlem. Yeah?
Yeah.
All right.
It's the way you end sentences sometimes.
I never know when he's fucking done.
That was it.
Where we're at in Harlem?
In the fitness, they have the most spacious gym.
Which street?
I was wearing my NASCAR shirt.
What street?
Like 20. 16? Maybe. What street? I was wearing my NASCAR shirt. What street? What, 16th?
Maybe.
When are we going to get you a nice stringer?
What's that?
Is that the tank top?
Oh, yeah.
It's real lacy.
I'll get one right now.
Stringer bell, bro.
I feel like it was like 90s frat boys were really into stringers.
Yeah.
You could honestly make one.
Pretty cool.
It's just the deep, deep
cut.
You just rip the sleeves off of any shirt.
This part has to be really thin.
Super thin too.
I could see you in a good stringer.
I could see me fucking you with whipped cream.
I gotta get a stringer.
You gotta get a stringer.
For a guy that's so
self-conscious of his body, we gotta get you in a stringer. You should get a stringer. For a guy that's so self-conscious of his body,
we gotta get you in a stringer.
You should get a makeup artist to get Joey
to put realistic, enormous nipples on you
and wear your stringer to the beach.
Or just really have him airbrush abs onto you.
Yeah, like Gerard Butler.
Is that what GB did?
In 300.
Really?
No, I thought that the whole cast was on the 300 workout where they were like doing leg lifts while holding up 225 or some shit.
Sorry, honey.
It's a lie?
Sorry, hon.
Damn.
Let him down in Arabic.
I don't know how.
Is it like Dothraki?
They don't have a word for sorry?
I've forgotten everything.
There's a thousand words for tickle, but no word for sorry.
Forget tickle.
What was it?
Now you're being disrespectful.
Sorry is just...
Hold on, that's actually what it was.
Sorry is as fuck.
No, it's ASF.
Oh, I see.
Asifa.
Asifa?
Asifa?
Is it too late now to say Asifa? This one's. Asifa. Asifa? Is it too late now to say Asifa?
This one's for Asifa.
Asifa.
Asifa.
I'm not Asifa.
Asifa.
Let's run a sporkle.
This will be helpful for when I puke in my Uber.
What will?
Asifa.
Yeah. Asifa? Asafo.
Lahan Ya Yee Bibi.
Donnie has another part of his Everest series coming out tonight if you're looking for something to watch.
Oh, those are awesome.
Both Donnie's putting out good-ass shit right now.
I cannot get enough of Donnie's
rants and stuff.
Doing it well.
What did you guys think of the
Beer Olympics yesterday?
What was the over-under? Hold on, hold on.
What was the over-under on people saying, let's fucking go?
Let's fucking go!
I thought Tommy's video was very funny.
It was.
And it's crazy because we know a lot of those people, and they're all nice-ass dudes.
Put them together.
They're all great people.
When you see them all together you're like oh my lord.
Yeah.
My god.
The testosterone in there
was insane.
Yes.
Just a thousand jacked dudes.
They would have tossed me around
like a fucking rag doll.
A picture of Shane in the pool.
Shane Gillis.
Yeah.
Getting choked out.
Taylor.
Yeah.
I mean I actually watched
a lot of the videos.
They were pretty entertaining.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good content by the good content by the fellas with Bustin' of the videos. They were pretty entertaining. Yeah. Yeah. Good content by the...
Good content by the fellas with Bustin' with the Boys.
I wanted to be there so bad.
But it was just...
It was funny, though.
It just was, like, the look of it all with all the...
Oh, yeah.
It was a frat party.
It was.
Which is nothing...
Ain't nothing wrong with that.
Except for the toxic masculinity that comes with it.
You can only imagine what they were saying behind closed doors.
Locker room talk.
Mic's were off, yeah.
That's like what people on Twitter think everyone at Barstool is.
It is, yeah.
They think that's what we all look like.
Like the people that don't know anything about Barstool,
they just know that they hate Barstool.
That's what they think it is.
Yeah, they're fueling the fire.
Yeah.
We should write an angry post like Kelly Keegs did about the mean girls.
Yeah.
You're making me look bad to my friends.
It looks like it was guys having fun.
That's all I want in this world.
Yeah, guys being dudes.
I just want to have fun.
All right, let's spin it.
Let's spin it.
Let's spin it.
Can we spin it already?
Oh.
I thought that was a breaking news.
Dry.
I'll be fucking damned.
Fuck all of you.
Oh.
Yes.
That was pretty close.
Yes.
Phew.
Bonus obligations.
This one's for Africa.
And Africa was like, hey, that's us.
No one in Africa ever heard that song.
They never listened to it.
They were listening to Las Las.
Now everybody go to breakfast.
Oh, that sounded good
Whatever that was, I liked
I like that
Tell them about it, bro
Shia, you
You
Last, last
Last, last
Now everybody go to breakfast
Oh, that was soothing
That's the fucking song Jay, whip us up a song about Africa real quick Oh, that was soothing.
That's the fucking song.
Jay, whip us up a song about Africa real quick.
Hey, I would love to hear you sing some traditional Arabic music.
We need a lot more time for that.
It's not even that hard.
I was listening to it yesterday. I guess the theme song from Black Hawk Down.
Kind of, yeah.
That's what it is.
The new AI trend is just having characters from
Spongebob do the Arabic call to prayer.
That's been pretty good.
Busta Rhymes A-Rab money.
We making A-Rab money.
We getting A-Rab money.
You say it about
Jewish people, it's derogatory.
You say it about Arab people, it's nice.
Yeah, because they're balling. They're big ballers.
Whoop-dee.
They have a cool cat.
Whoop-dee.
That song.
They are very peaceful people.
That's actually true.
You could damn near put me to sleep.
That is actually true.
I was saying yesterday, I was talking about it on the podcast.
We had an Uber.
Long drive.
Got in the car, blaring Arabic music.
Their stereos don't have a low sound.
I didn't stress this enough.
And by the end, I fell into the trance of Allah.
I said, Inshallah, brother.
That's when you decided to...
I said, dah, dah, dah.
Why were you tickling so low?
It was a waste. You tickled the low? It was a waste.
You tickled the waist?
It was a waste?
It's not on the map.
It's ticklish.
Tickling the waist?
Yeah, it kind of is.
Armpit foot groin.
Groin?
Oh, yeah.
Who's ticklish in their groin?
I couldn't even be grazed on the groin as a kid.
Who's trying to touch your groin, bro?
If I got grazed?
For the doctor,
I would tighten up
and they were like,
you gotta relax.
I hated getting touched
in the groin.
Did you have a girl doctor
or a dude doctor?
Pediatrician.
I had both.
You ask if we had
a doctor or nurse?
I hate this place.
I gotta show you guys my hernia scar yeah let's see it
it's covered in pubes right now
like shaved pubes?
are they not yours?
not my own
I got the surgery trimmer
dusting of pubes
did manscape drop us because I've been dying to trim
my furry balls recently.
Everyone knows you've got to shave your balls.
You can't even see the skin of your balls anymore.
When was the last time you shaved your balls?
I can't even see them.
Like a monkey's paw.
I forget what they fucking look like.
Like a little kid
not recognizing her dad
once he changes his balls.
Like crying.
No, it's your daddy, sweetie.
Daddy sack.
Did that ever happen to you guys?
I didn't recognize my balls
so I ran and hid behind my shaft.
I hugged my shaft real tight.
Oh, no.
It's your balls.
Those are your balls.
I just don't understand why everyone talks about shaving your –
you shave your pubes.
You shave the above them.
Your balls do have a lot to bear.
People shave their balls, dude.
Just because you don't shave your balls doesn't mean no one shaves their balls.
It's like not possible to shave them. Yes, it is. You have to hold them taut. People shave their balls. Just because you don't shave your balls doesn't mean no one shaves their balls.
It's not possible to shave them.
Yes, it is.
You have to hold them taut.
Dude, you'd be better off just getting scissors and trimming the hair.
No.
Hey, roast his ass, bro.
Hey, what you thinking?
I mean, you got to come correct with your nuts.
Yeah, you got to make them taut, and you got to stretch stretch them out so it's a flat surface, and then use the razor.
First time I shaved my nuts, I think it took me like 50 minutes.
Dude, it's impossible.
It's an absurdly long time.
Just try it, Seth.
It's very possible.
It's not impossible.
Everyone else is doing it but you.
There's no reason.
Like, I don't need to.
I've never had a problem with, like, holy shit, your balls are so hairy.
Yeah, they didn't say it to your face because they felt bad about your balls.
What are you guys?
Your guys' balls are just not as seen.
I love just watching Kate during these conversations.
I don't think it's possible to get your balls to the point where there's no hair.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
I'll do it right now.
I don't think it is.
It would take a while.
If I could get them to that point, my hands would never be off.
I'd be thinking about that.
It's tray young balls.
Because then you're constantly, holy shit, where did this clump of 70 hairs come from?
Like, they're hiding.
Because they're so long and thin.
When I'm sitting on the toilet, I think I get them all,
then I stand up, look in the mirror, there's many, many more.
Go back to the well, then.
You guys scrotums like a weight loss patient that just had lap band surgery?
Where are you getting all these folds?
Just make it tight.
No one's talking about folds.
I mean, you're saying you're finding 70 hairs.
I don't have a flat surface to rest my balls on to shave them.
It's like a map.
What?
Put a knife into it.
A scientist mounting a bug in a frame.
You stand up and do it.
Where?
Over a toilet in the shower.
Whatever your preference. Or just get a toilet and a shower. Whatever your preference.
Or just get a day when you have a tight ball sack.
But that's when you get cut.
Not if you have the manscaped.
Their technology is no Nick.
4.0.
You wish.
You'd be the funniest on the show.
Oh, hell yes.
What is this?
You guys don't have this on your set yet?
Oh, my God.
All my TikTok is just Spongebob characters singing stuff.
There's rules.
Ridware was really hit.
It's that, and then it's like, it's Patrick doing like church prayers, which is funny too.
Holy shit.
Nothing funny about church. There's no way he wins this. Oh, holy shit. Nothing funny about church.
There's no way he wins this.
Oh,
but I never could have made it
without you.
I would have a roast at all.
But now I see how you were
there for me. This is your equivalent of a popular prayer.
I'm stronger.
I'm wiser.
I'm better.
Much better.
When I look back of all you've won me through.
I can see that you were the one I held on to. Oh, that's so funny.
That's like 80% of my take.
Oh, my God.
Can we do one more random one?
They still pumping out the Joe Biden ones, the weed ones.
Those ones were crazy good.
This is the next evolution of that.
It's a SpongeBob game.
Oh.
I love that.
You kind of have to know the right gospel songs.
Yeah.
All right, Sporkle?
I got to get into gospel.
Oh, you should.
Get a Kirk Franklin CD.
It'll set you off in the right direction.
Yeah, I got to start my morning with some fucking...
Rowan lost a rap battle to Lecrae.
No curses.
Is that his name?
Yeah.
Is Mace back from the church?
Mace? Might be. I don't know. He has that podcast
with Cam Ron.
He was big into
gospel.
He got into gospel.
Pastor Mace.
Those dudes are taking over the podcast industry.
Yeah.
Legis dudes.
Are they?
Oh, yeah.
They're like top podcasts.
That's just what you're getting because you love God so much.
I love Allah.
But that's recent.
Your algorithm doesn't know how much you love Allah.
No, it does. This is all because I'm watching the Looming Towers show on Hulu.
Yeah, but...
Whose side are you on?
Yeah, that's the opposite
of what your response should be.
It has been a conflicting...
Every movie, you chose the Joker
and now this.
No, I just...
I thought it would be easier to learn.
Then what?
Then it is? There's so many subtitles that I thought I could just learn be easier to learn. Then what? Then it is?
There's so many subtitles that I thought I could just learn what they were saying.
This lasted for 30 seconds.
And I downloaded Duolingo, and it was impossible, and I deleted Duolingo.
Even read them right.
I want to be an NFL wide receiver.
I played pass football for two hours.
In the backyard, yeah.
The Looming Towers is a fascinating show, though.
Really enjoying it.
What's it on?
Hulu.
Okay.
Good.
You watch an episode of When You Got Home last night?
No.
Went to bed.
Crushed some Taco Bell and I went to bed.
He's terrible for your body.
I know.
KB, tell him.
Yeah, come on.
Tell him how long he should be waiting after he eats and drinks to go to bed.
I need to follow that.
I eat too late.
Dinner's at like 10 p.m.
Yep.
Shit's not right.
Yep.
All right, let's hit this porkel.
Sass, you got to switch me dude i know and then i think i have to sit next because i didn't bring my phone so i can't see
okay one tallest mountain, two NFL starting quarterbacks from North Dakota State University,
three four-letter U.S. states, four Bon Jovi number one hits, five national parks in Utah,
six leading actors and friends, seven three-time Cy Young Award winners,
eight Ohio Division I football programs,
nine largest companies revenue-wise,
and ten Quentin Tarantino movies.
Okay.
I like this one. Is this suitable for your birthday?
Very suitable for my birthday.
Well, why don't you start us off, Nick?
I feel like it's only right if the birthday boy starts us off.
Yeah, but what if I get it wrong?
You know what?
No, I'm going to do this for you, Ron.
Carson Wentz.
Everest.
Utah. What? Three four-letter. Utah
What?
Three four letter
Oh I thought it was
The national parks in Utah
No no no
Jennifer Aniston
For cast members of Friends
Ohio For four letter states Iowa members, and friends. Ohio.
Four letter states.
Iowa.
Let's clear four letter states.
Very nice, Nick. Very nice.
Oh, I know the quarterback.
I forget his name.
Trey Lance.
North Dakota starting quarterback.
Cleared.
Living on a prayer.
Jay's going to get a facial right now.
You are?
He's getting one.
It's my first one ever.
Enjoy it, brother.
Very nice.
You're going to be glowing.
Pulp Fiction.
Nice. Pulp Fiction. Nice ass.
Lisa Kudrow.
I'll go Matthew Perry.
Courtney Cox.
Cox.
Kill Bill Oh fuck
Are you serious?
Did he not direct that?
Quentin Tarantino?
Yeah he did
Yeah he had to have
Kill Bill is like volume one or something?
Oh put volume one.
Oh, phew.
Okay.
What would it?
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
I loved that movie.
I thought that movie was awesome.
I didn't love it.
I loved it.
I thought it was good, but I didn't think it was up there.
It's his best.
Matt LeBlanc.
I probably enjoyed that one more than any of his other ones.
Moab.
M-O-A-B.
Is that an odd national park?
It's just a town.
Shit!
Nick can have an extra life. I'm out town. Shit! Nick can have an extra life.
I'm out on my birthday.
You can have an extra life.
Oh, no, no.
Mulligan.
This is my birthday wish, to be treated fairly.
Damn.
That's a hell of a wish, Nick.
A brave wish.
Thank you.
Ohio State.
No, Nick, you've got to be back in.
Fuck this.
D1.
Cincinnati has got to be a college
Cincinnati
okay
reservoir dogs
reservoir is a tough word to spell I would not agree
Nolan Ryan
For seven time
Or three time All Young
All Young pitchers
No?
Oh
Ronan and I are out
This is embarrassing
Looks like I'm just wrong.
Kyle.
Zion.
Shit, that was the only one I know.
I did it.
Django Unchained.
Is that Tarantino?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Inglourious Bastards.
Oh, love that movie.
I guess with an I.
A T-E-R-D-S.
Did he spell it wrong in it?
I-N and Bastards
I think was spelled wrong.
Bastards is E-R.
Huh.
It's I-N-G.
I don't know.
Maybe he directed it.
Yeah.
You put Bastards.
G-L-O-U-R.
I-O-U-S.
B-A-S-T-E-R-I-O-U-S. B-A-S-T-E-R-D-S.
There you go.
You know Nolan Ryan never won a Cy Young?
Is it my turn?
Mine.
Okay.
Bryce Canyon.
Stuck between two things here.
I don't know if it made number one,
and then I have another Ohio football program,
but I don't know if it's D1.
But I know the name of it, so it must be Bowling Green.
Are they D1?
John Rich got a bowl.
I'll go with Amazon.
Go Sassy Canyonlands
One word
Oh KB
That's my one birthday wish
This is probably wrong because it's a newer song
It's My Life
It may have I pierced my own
ears to that song. Ah, fuck.
My mom wouldn't let me. It's with a...
Got infected.
Damn.
It's my life.
It's not over
never. What does that mean?
Now or
never.
I just wanna learn.
It's on you.
We got companies.
I'll go Kill Bill Volume 2.
Very nice.
All right, the volume one was a big clue.
Arches.
Z-H-E-S.
Why?
Why?
Google? Yes. Why? Uh...
Google?
Or just S?
Alphabet?
Why wouldn't I just guess?
Alphabet.
I don't know what that means, but...
Who owns Google, maybe?
Oh, Kent State! Coca-Cola
Coca-Cola
It's tough to know
Because that started in the US
But so many of them like move there
Maybe for the whatever
Miami
Oh yeah Miami of Ohio That's another win for her Somebody then moved their whatever. KB for the win. Miami.
Oh, yeah.
Miami of Ohio.
That's another win for her.
KB.
No swag.
It's my life, Bon Jovi.
Live the rest of the Quentin Tarantino. Is that someone here?
Is that you?
Oh, John Bovey.
Jackie Brown.
Jackie Brown was the original.
Eight full eight.
Eight full eight? Eight full eight?
Is Tesla one of them?
Oh.
Walmart.
Eight full eight?
Eight full eight.
Oh, Walmart.
That's a good one.
H-A-T-E-F-U-L.
That was KB's.
Eight, yeah.
Tesla.
What's his first?
From Dusk Till Dawn?
He was just in that.
But did he...
It's alphabetical, so what's H-I-J-K...
No, it's not alphabetical, is it?
It's not alphabetical, no.
Oh, Toledo.
Ball State. Oh, yeah, Ball State. Ball State?
Oh, yeah, Ball State.
Partied there once.
Maybe it's not.
Sick brag.
Ball State's in Indiana.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, what am I thinking?
Akron is the last one.
The other one.
Yeah.
The, uh...
Cy Young?
He won it three times.
I don't think he could.
Or Clemens.
Oracle.
Pedro Martinez.
UX.
M-A-D-D-U-X.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Hmm.
What is this last Quentin Tarantino movie?
Justin Verlander, maybe?
Nice.
What was the one that he co-directed with Richard Rodriguez?
It was like a double feature.
There was like The Race.
Is that what it was?
Or like...
Do you know it?
I looked it up.
Close to Death Race?
Death Proof?
Death Proof?
I don't know what that is.
Is it one word?
Uh-oh.
Wow.
What are other Bon Jovi songs?
He has so many hits, and I'm like...
Wanted?
Dead or Alive? Oh,'t. I'm a cowboy.
Oh, yeah, Dead or Alive.
But what is that called?
Wanted?
That's Bon Jovi?
Yeah.
Or maybe not.
No, that is.
That motherfucker's not a cowboy.
It's called Dead or Alive, right?
Apple?
Yeah, man.
Who played Ross?
Wait, that's not him, is it?
That's Guns N' Roses.
What?
You're saying Wanted, Dead or Alive, right?
Yeah.
Oh.
No one knows who played Ross in Friends?
No, I can't think of his name for the life of me. Oh, David Schwimmer.
David Schwimmer.
I don't know why I blanked on that.
I was sitting here picturing him,
and I couldn't think of his name for the life of me.
Bad Medicine.
Ooh. Bad medicine. Schwimmer is S-C-H-W-I-M-M-E-R.
Or maybe one M.
What are the other big U.S. companies?
What's his first name?
David.
Longaberger Basket.
It's got to be Walmart.
Yes, definitely Walmart.
McDonald's?
Oh, yeah.
Ford, maybe?
Yeah.
Car companies?
I'm surprised Tesla's not up there.
I can't believe Penn National.
What about Self-Defense?
Kellogg's?
Or Post, maybe.
Who owns all the food?
Unilever?
Disney.
Oh, Disney.
What?
Is IBM still a thing?
Yeah.
Still tooling around over there?
I don't know.
Tech.
I don't...
Yeah, I'm totally...
Let's give up. Yeah. I give up. I don't know. Tech. Yeah, totally. Let's give up.
I give up.
Oh, Exxon
Mobile. United Health
Group, CVS, Berkshire Hathaway,
and what's underneath? Alphabet?
McMenamin?
McKesson? I don't even know what they do.
You do house stuff.
CVS because there's crazy.
Oh yeah, you give love a bad name. I don't know. You do house stuff. CBS because there's crazy. Oh, yeah.
You give love a bad name.
I don't know.
I'll be there for you.
Yeah, I've never.
Oh.
I'll be there for you.
Oh, yeah.
The rain is falling down.
It's a good one.
Only right to KB gets it right on Nick's birthday.
Yeah.
Three in a row.
That's why I'm bringing him in no boo tomorrow. Nice. Three in a row. That's why I'm bringing him in no-boo tomorrow.
Nice.
Three in a row.
I'll play another one, bro.
It's tomorrow, Thursday?
Yeah.
You want to go out on top?
I understand that.
Well, I'll be in here tomorrow.
Sass won't be here tomorrow.
Yeah, I'll be here.
Kate will be.
Nick, of course, will be because he's a fucking grinder.
No Big Cat, no Brandon.
Maybe we populate the...
I enjoyed yesterday's show.
Maybe put some more people on here.
Yeah, I liked it. That was a good group. Great group.
Incredible group.
Hey, thanks for
watching and thanks for listening.
This is the Yak and man, we love you
guys. See you tomorrow.
It's the Yak.
It's your draw. It's the Yak style. It's the act. It's the act. It's your drug, yeah, it's time to stay for a while.
It's the act.
It's the act.
It's the act.
That's time to talk, shop, and do a Yankees love.
It's the act.
It's the act. Happy birthday, Nick.