The Yak - Would Steven Cheah Be An S-Tier Dictator? | The Yak 8-1-22

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Oh! I'm back. Brandon's back. Look at that. Brandon, front and center. The Mississippi Miracle.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Hey. They call him the Mississippi Miracle because his mom tried to abort him 15 times. That's right, and he kept on fighting. Kept on fighting. The tongs couldn't dent his skull. This boy's a miracle. We tried to kill him many times. My head's misshapen. That's right.
Starting point is 00:00:50 But you can see where the vacuum didn't take. Yeah. Oh, man. The Mississippi miracle. That was vacation. You haven't worked a day. You didn't go to a single fish show. Not a single day's work put in.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Widespread panic was up fucking north. I couldn't go. It was good. It was bad. I didn't like being a month i love being there for a month did it deter you from wanting to move back a little bit wow a little bit i miss being in the mix i miss being you know yeah we know yeah yeah a month was too long that's too long like i i this past week that i went on vacation i i like actually tried to not look at stuff.
Starting point is 00:01:26 And you can do that for a week. You can't do it for a month. Yeah, and I didn't go for joy. I went because I was going to be moving in. How long are you going to be milking? I was going to be coming back in two weeks, but then, you know. Oh, my daddy died. Well, my dad died.
Starting point is 00:01:42 And the landlord died. My landlord died. Oh, your landlord died. Yeah, right. So, now I still don't. Yeah, it's all. And the landlord died. My landlord died, which is my new daddy. Yeah, right. So now I still don't. It's all good. I'm back. So was it weird to realize how much you've changed?
Starting point is 00:01:52 Because your whole dream was to move back to Mississippi. Now you couldn't last a month. Admit that you've changed. Yeah. I won't admit that I have changed. You missed the hustle and bustle of New York City. Missed the libs. A little bit.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Yeah. I enjoyed the train ride yesterday, which is weird. I have changed. You missed the hustle and bustle of New York City. Missed the libs. A little bit. Yeah. I enjoyed the train ride yesterday, which is weird. I hate the train ride. You don't have trains in Mississippi. Not at all. I got on the train and it was just like, this feels right. This feels good.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Brandon was so giddy when he saw his first yarmulke back in the city. Yeah, he's like, oh, fuck yes. I'm home. That guy's not speaking English. I'm home. This is great. Oh, we got a special delivery. Now, this is a mistake on my part because not the delivery, not the part of my cheesesteaks. Is it a robot?
Starting point is 00:02:36 I wish I had figured out that we're going to do this robot and it just shot everyone with pellets. Oh, my God. Because that would have been so funny. What a twist. Instead of cheesesteaks. What the fuck? You can rule that out, guys. Oh. Oh, you can't rule that out.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Okay, just... Hold on. Oh, he likes you, Brandon. He's got heart eyes. Oh. Oh my God. Philly... Or Kate just wants to beat the fuck out of this robot.
Starting point is 00:02:59 I do. Today is actually the anniversary of the death... Of Hitchbot? Of Hitchbot. Today is the anniversary. Did you just do that? I did. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Oh, my God. So part of my cheesesteak, you can order it now. You can grab it. We just debuted it today. Oh, there you go. Well, why don't you go ahead and take a cheesesteak? Well, I'm going to open it again. I just wanted to.
Starting point is 00:03:19 I don't think it's clap activated. Well, if it's a robot, it doesn't need activated. What if it closed because it saw Brandon's body and was like, he doesn't need one. Yes. Obese. Hat detected. Hey. Oh.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Oh, thank you. Hell yeah. Part of my cheesesteak. Go get them now. You can get them everywhere. There's over 200 locations we have. We're going to add more. So if you don't see it now, we're going to get more.
Starting point is 00:03:43 And yeah, I'm very excited about this. This one's the Chipotle cheesesteak. Toasty warm. Crumble fries. Thanks. And we said this on part of my take today, but. Oh. Hey now.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Brandon. Unlike. This is awesome. Unlike other. Totally surreal moment. So unlike other things that we've done, I don't know if this is actually a good way to sell, but I'll just do it anyway because we already did it.
Starting point is 00:04:12 But the more cheesesteaks you buy, the more money PFT Hank and I get. So if you like us, just do it. That does make sense from a marketing standpoint. Yeah, just be like, you like us, right? I hope you like us. Is that why you started kicking people off your show, so you could have more money for yourself? Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:04:29 We were like, oh, shit. I looked at the pie, and I was like, oh, Liam, you're gone. Bye-bye. Actually, that was just Henry Lockwood. People think that it was because I had a couple tweets being like, you doing this because he screenshotted your tweets or your texts? I was like, no, that's at 0.0%. But yeah, part of my cheesesteak is out.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Excited. You guys get money in your pockets. And I give money to you guys. The sandwich tastes good, too. Tastes good. The more money I have, the more money I will spend. You guys know that. Next case race tip is about to be insane.
Starting point is 00:05:03 You're going to spend it on guns to shoot us with. I'm not good at keeping my money. I only have it for a little bit, and then I spend it on things. The only reason I root for you is for purely selfish reasons. Right. I'm just going to fucking do stuff. The eventual yak trip will be funded by, pardon my cheesesteak. Oh, and our slushy fund.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Oh, yes. Which was. Oh, yeah. Did you see your cowbell? Can we get his cowbell real quick? I don't want to relive this. LeBron James signed it. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:05:28 What? LeBron James signed your cowbell. First, he tried to bang me, and I said, no, thank you, and then he signed the bell. Ben Mintz? No. LeBron James, dude. It says it right there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:40 What is it? Read the signature. Who drew a dick on it? I don't know? Read the signature. Who drew a dick on it? I don't know. Read the signature. Adi Tati. I guess that's an attempt at Ben Mince. At the bottom, in parentheses, LeBron James.
Starting point is 00:05:52 That's pretty cool. I thought it was Ben Mince, but LeBron James. LeBron James came here and was like, give me that cowboy. He didn't even go on a show. He just came and did this? Just wanted to sign it. Did you draw the dick? I didn't.
Starting point is 00:06:03 No, I would. Always assume it's you when it's a dick. No, I do a side profile dick. I didn't. No, I would. Always assume it's you when it's a dick. No, I do a side profile dick. I don't do the typical top down. Would you like this now that has a dick on it, Kate? That's a little too small. It's also not filthy and smoking cigarettes. Right, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:19 There's not enough hair on that thing. It's not gross enough. Does it smell like BO? Not, I'm not interested. I missed you, Brandon. Yeah, I missed you guys too. I won't do a month away again. That was crazy.
Starting point is 00:06:36 That was wild. Before this, you wanted to move to Mississippi. Well, I bought a house down there. So you're going to? Eventually. It's not a house. Well, I bought my dad's house. Sure.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Yeah, it's a cocaine den, but it's... Do you think being in here helps you content-wise? I think it helps me tremendously. Yeah. I mean, being away from this show is a pretty stupid person. Why would you take that hit for such a long period of time? Well, Brandon, just so we can get rid of these rumors, you didn't go down for a month because you were in prison, right?
Starting point is 00:07:05 Like, you weren't serving. I mean, no, that wouldn't even. I thought it was like you had to do a month a year in prison. I mean, I wouldn't even look that up. That would be crazy. Yeah, that would be crazy. Don't even start that. That would be stupid.
Starting point is 00:07:17 I saw a couple people like. Is prison genetic? Yeah. Actually, it is. She's got the prison genes. It's like the Tom Hanks is a pedophile thing. Yeah. Is Brandon in prison?
Starting point is 00:07:29 You didn't show your ankles on any episode. No, I had a good time. It was fun. Good stuff. I guess being a rich man in Mississippi is some type of prison. No. You don't spend your money on anything. No, that's the exact opposite.
Starting point is 00:07:40 There's nothing. There's no nice thing to buy. Yeah, what would- A prison of your own. There was a second when I was down there about the second week, I said, well, I'm just going to rent a house here for a year and then see what happens. I'll just try it out. And then that was very fleeting.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Yeah. And you know why I didn't do it? Because the house I was going to rent was like an old antebellum home and I knew when you saw it, you were just going to make a bunch of slavery jokes. I will anyway. You will anyway. We have done that about you a bunch of slavery jokes. I will anyway. We have done that about you anyway. That's fine. Your own home.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I saw your, was it a Yelp review that you left about your tour that you did in the South? Was that you? That wasn't me. What are you doing? I'll find it. A Yelp review of the South as a whole? Oh, it was a Yelp review of... I think it was a Yelp review of the South as a whole? Oh, it was a Yelp review of... I think it was a Yelp review...
Starting point is 00:08:29 It wasn't a tour. I was just at home. I did a lot of fishing. I gained 15 pounds. Your boots were on the ground. My boots were very much on the ground, yes. Caught a seven-pound bass. Not a big deal.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Not really. No one really cares. Not a big deal at all. Kind of a big deal, though. It was like the biggest fish in the whole pond. It's smaller than an infant. It's not impressive at all. Not all infants.
Starting point is 00:08:53 I think seven pounds is an average infant. No. Closer to eight would be average. I think seven is right at average. Seven is average. All right. I mean, Google exists. I would even say it might be like in the 6'10 range, something like that.
Starting point is 00:09:06 All right. Well, I've had more children than you, so. That's true. I'm sorry, Owen. I apologize for you. You're good. Happy to have you back. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:09:14 You want to do your sling head? You got back last night? I did. Got back last night. And you're homeless for the month. I don't have any. Although I'm in talks with your dad to live with him. You were staying with my dad for a week.
Starting point is 00:09:25 I promise. So I'm going to be entering those negotiations. He has some conditions which I felt were a little weird. Give me an example. You didn't have any written? No, I didn't. I didn't know we were doing this. Nick, this is you.
Starting point is 00:09:45 No, he is staying with my dad. What are the conditions? I don't know the conditions. It's between him and my dad. But it was like a face-off. Like, yeah, if he wants to stay with me, he has to ask. And Brandon was like, well, your dad hasn't texted me, inviting me. So it was a standoff for like 10 hours.
Starting point is 00:10:01 I'm going to text him. I'm going to text him right now. All right. It's hard to word that. Can I live with you? Yeah. Hi. Mr. Will?
Starting point is 00:10:10 Nick, does your dad have Sling? For one reason and one reason only. What is that? The other line with Kelly Keegs. Love it. So Sling TV has something for everyone. All your favorite shows like the Brandon Walker College Football Show with Brandon Walker featuring Brandon Walker and your favorite shows like the Brandon Walker College Football Show with Brandon Walker featuring Brandon Walker
Starting point is 00:10:25 and your favorite channels all right at your fingertips. What you watch is up to you. It really just depends on what kind of mood you're in. For a limited time, you can access everything Sling has to offer for free. That's right, free live TV for three weeks. Sign up and start watching in just five minutes. You can stream on any device. Record up to 50 hours with included DVR space.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Offer ends August 4th. Sign up at sling.com slash Barstool. When's August 4th? Thursday? Sling.com slash Barstool. Start watching free, free live TV today. Absolutely free. TJ, I just sent you Brandon's Yelp review.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Why? Here it is. My husband and I were extremely disappointed in this tour. We didn't come to hear a lecture on how the white people treated slaves who came to get the history of Southern Plantation and get a tour of the house and grounds. The history of the plantation. Our tour guide was so radical about slave treatment,
Starting point is 00:11:15 we felt we were being lectured and bashed about the slavery. My ancestors were from Sicily, never owned slaves, and my husband's were German and none of his ever owned slaves. They didn't go. By far. different route. Far not a racist. We're against all Americans having equal rights but this was my vacation and now we're crossing all
Starting point is 00:11:33 plantation tours. It was just not what we expected. What do they want if they want the history but not that? I mean if they went to the Walker's place the tone's a little different. Presentation's a little different. They would have enjoyed it. Two stars.
Starting point is 00:11:49 You guys have like seven reenactments. That's true. You don't even pay them. They go to a Holocaust camp and they're like, this is a real bummer. I want to hear about the architecture of Auschwitz. Like, why the fuck are they talking about this? This is a downer.
Starting point is 00:12:06 The Jews out of this It's Saturday guys Shouldn't we be happy I'm not going to fuck my summer up for this So yeah you had a nice trip I got to find your dad's number You don't save numbers I know and I know it starts with 304 Don't dox the man
Starting point is 00:12:23 I haven't texted him in a while I'm all the way down here. Is that San Francisco? The Erica and Billy football text. Text with Billy football? I did when you suspended him. He was looking for a landing spot. Remember that?
Starting point is 00:12:35 Yeah. He was trying to find somewhere warm to land. What did he come to you for? Fuck, it's Steve and Che. All right, fuck. God damn it. You got 15 minutes. We got 15 minutes in.
Starting point is 00:12:48 15 full minutes. Jesus. We have another 15 in us. Let's get to 130. I've never... Text me his number. I really do. I did consider maybe just ending everything
Starting point is 00:13:02 when I saw this clip. Yeah. Can you speak to Steven Shea nice to meet you I was interested obviously asked about Lenny how is the rest of the backfield depth with Rashad White Giovanni Bernal Giovanni Bernal
Starting point is 00:13:22 I can't believe he did it the balls it was a good delivery too he just seamlessly fit it in yeah it's also very funny because I just
Starting point is 00:13:34 Steven wasn't anxious at all he had the confidence of someone who grew up with Tom Brady he's Steven Che Steven Che he has confidence in everything
Starting point is 00:13:43 Stevie Che you quote tweeted me once. I wore a cape in sophomore year. It also made me realize that I'm just too, I have too much Stephen Che stock because Feidelberg was like, why are you saying this is cringeworthy? He nailed it.
Starting point is 00:13:58 And it's like, oh yeah, you probably don't interact with Stephen Che. First of all, you can't nail a thing, only you do. It's with Stephen Che. First of all, you can't nail a thing only you do. It's a Stephen Che original. The whole world's gone crazy. Actually, I think you can. He did it as well as he could have,
Starting point is 00:14:22 but it is his thing and only his thing. No one else has done it. Listen, guys, he nailed it. He did. No, he did. I'm on his side, yeah. I think the whole locker room is going to be calling him that now, is going to be saying it that way.
Starting point is 00:14:33 I think he's starting something. And Tom Brady was delighted. Did you see his little face light up? You guys are now on the side of this, like, Stephen. I don't know what his diet is. It was too huge. He's taking Yak Stephen Shea into the world. Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:45 That's scary. He's putting it in front of Tom Brady. He's taking his character here, or not a character, but he's taking what he built here, and he's taking it out into the world. Now, the whole world is going to- The whole world is going to hold to assume. This is how COVID started. Yes.
Starting point is 00:14:57 This is how COVID started. It's not an Asian joke I just made. It would have been a good one if it was. Yeah. Well, you can make a joke that people can take one way or the other. But no, this is how it started. You let it out of the lab, this office. Now we're screwed.
Starting point is 00:15:13 It's just out there. It's out there. He's out in the wild. He's in a high population stage. He's growing really powerful. This is going to make him insufferable. If Brady ever says it like that, that's my two weeks. That's my two weeks.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Stephen Che, actually, now that I'm thinking about it out of everyone here would make the best dictator like he has the most no so assassinatable but don't you think that he has like in his mind he is like the best
Starting point is 00:15:44 at everything I don't think he can be a dictator. I don't think he'll ever use these powers for anything. He's got an innocence to him that I feel like he could get away with a lot for a long time. He's Forrest Gump. That's who he is. He's Forrest Gump. Best dictators are better.
Starting point is 00:16:00 He's never worried. But Stephen Chay's an actual tries. So Stephen Chay could be a dictator. He just needs a World War I to happen. But he has to get assassinated for a World War I to start. No, he needs to go be a soldier in World War I, lose the war
Starting point is 00:16:15 and then be hardened by it. I see. 20 years later he comes back. I could see people being like I'm part of the Stephen Chay cult. I think even losing a war wouldn't really bother him that much. We can't stress enough, he only cares about American football and things that are not even loosely associated with American football. Directly.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Directly. Everything that he says and does can be found on the NFL Wikipedia page. Do you think Stephen Chay is hoping Adam Schefter picks this up and retweets it? That would be the peak of his life. Can you make that happen? What did he text us? We got to call him. He said something like,
Starting point is 00:16:51 I am giddy right now or something here. He says, I'm losing it. That's the thing is I actually am happy for him. I am too. Oh, no, that was good. He did tell the group text this happened before we ever saw that it actually happened. I'm happy for him,
Starting point is 00:17:01 but I'll never tell him to his face I'm happy for him. You can't make me do that. You just said it out loud. Yeah, but he won't listen to this. And if he says it, if he's like, I heard what you said, I'm like, I didn't say that. I also want to point out at the very start, before he even says that part, as soon as he says
Starting point is 00:17:19 I'm with Barstool Sports, everyone kind of pauses and laughs and no one takes it seriously. Yeah, I did note it. I thought they knew who Barstool Sports was. And everyone loosens up and is like, oh, it's just Barstool Sports, everyone kind of pauses and laughs and no one takes it seriously. Yeah, I did note it. I thought they knew who Barstool Sports was. Everyone loosens up and is like, oh, it's just Barstool. Then seconds later, he does the Giovanni Bernard. Then seconds later, he fulfills exactly what... He wasn't timid.
Starting point is 00:17:36 His voice didn't differ. You can tell that he had zero nerves. None. It would have been hard for him, but now that he's bigger than Tom Brady, it was easy. His delusions of grandeur, for him but now that he's bigger than Tom Brady it was easy. His delusions of grandeur have like he is on Tom Brady's level. He's bigger. It was the comfort
Starting point is 00:17:52 of a twin talking to another twin. The one who came out four minutes earlier. Steven? Hello? Yeah. Can you hear me? Yeah. What's up? How we doing? He has transcended the existential plane and he is talking to us from heaven.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Steven, we might have made a mistake. Steven, you think we're calling you about the Tom Brady thing, but we're actually calling you because I think we might have messed up the ads. That's not nice. We made a pretty rough joke about sling. Yeah, so what should we do? No, I was actually a few minutes behind, but I heard the sling joke or the sling ad.
Starting point is 00:18:33 There was just one just now. Yeah, we just did one that was, it's bad. Alright, I think you guys are trying to pull my leg here, so I'm not going to buy that. But, yeah, it's been a great day. I'm coming to you live from a strip mall in Tampa. I just walked an hour and 93 degrees.
Starting point is 00:18:54 You can't just change the subject on us. What the fuck? Why did you walk an hour instead of an alternative mode? I have to fuck the second ad up now. Sorry. We can't, though, but I want to. Why'd you walk an hour? I really don't like Ubers,
Starting point is 00:19:09 and I have some time to kill. I'm getting a session at TV 12 at 3 o'clock. What do you mean? Did you listen to anything on the way? I heard a little bit of your guy's show in the beginning. You're on it. Brandon gained 15 pounds, which is not surprising. Oh, what was that?
Starting point is 00:19:30 Is that true? Yeah, I said it earlier. Carrying it well. Not in the neck. I got a lot of neck right now. Now you have none. You should beard up for the fall. Correct.
Starting point is 00:19:39 I have less neck. I did beard up. There you go. It became white. Wait, Steven, you don't like Ubers? What does that mean? No, I'm not a big pay-for-convenience guy. So, I mean, I have time to kill, so why not just walk?
Starting point is 00:19:53 But I am kind of sweaty now. Sorry, you don't like... Convenience is like walking 15 minutes. Walking an hour is... That's just an Uber situation all day. It's not an hour. It's like 1.3 miles. I like a 1.3 miles i've walked 1.3 miles an hour and a half you an hour all right what did what like 30 minutes all right
Starting point is 00:20:11 what didn't we see what happened that we didn't see what were your takeaways from tom yeah brady tom brady the quarterback full name please from tommy Brady, Tom Brady. The quarterback. Full name, please. From Tommy? Tom Brady. It wasn't from Tom Brady, but there was a cool moment where I had field access after practice, and I'm friendly with one of the other quarterbacks, and he threw me a pass, a pretty hard one. I caught it, but it was not on film. What was his name? Ryan Griffin.
Starting point is 00:20:39 Ryan Griffin. I don't know when you say that. Because he's weird. He's like, he thinks that he can. So, all right. He knew we'd ask. I don't know. Have you that. Because he's weird. He's like, he thinks that he can. So, all right. He knew we'd ask. I don't know. Have you talked to Giovanni Bernard yet?
Starting point is 00:20:50 No, but I am tomorrow being arranged. So how are you going to do that? How are you going to handle that? Why don't you give us a preview? I met with the Buccaneers social team today, and we kicked some things around. So it's been a productive trip. What would you say if Giovanni Bernard said,
Starting point is 00:21:09 hey, this has actually been really offensive to me this whole time? Well, yeah, I made sure to ask because I've never spoken to him. Well, he's not Italian. I thought he'd be pretty cool about it. He's not Italian. The Buccaneers' main account has retweeted it. I feel like I'm having trouble. Yeah, I mean, he had that mustache at least for a period of time.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Steven, when he sits... What? Are we on a Steven Chase soundboard right now? Yeah, we might. What is happening? When he sits in the chair, what are you going to say to him? Not Italian, but he had the mustache. He had the mustache, so kind of Italian.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Yeah, I mean, you'd have to kind of see the mustache. TJ, if you want to pull up his yearbook photo, it's... Well... Why don't we just see the mustache? That's not going to be doing enough. It's not like a regular mustache. It's like a perverted Italian one. You had one in high school?
Starting point is 00:21:59 But I can give you some background on the Brady interview. So I got credentials and I heard rumors that he could be speaking today. So I kind of hurried over to the media tent. And it was kind of a free for all. Wait, hold on. Time out. Yeah, he was. That guy's Italian.
Starting point is 00:22:15 I'm Italian. Steven. Oh, he's always right. I feel like a broken record apologizing to you at this point, but you were right again. That's a fucking Italian. Italian. Oh, damn it, Steven. That's the most Italian guy I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:22:28 Yeah, I know. Goddammit. The original pitch was Mario, Luigi, and Bernard. You did it. Did you do his name because Giovanni, or did you do it because of the mustache? No, I did it way before he had the mustache, but the mustache kind of
Starting point is 00:22:43 helped. So this is just Stephen Che helped. So he, yeah. So this is just Stephen Che winning. He's constantly winning. Yep, he just knew. All right, so go back to your Brady story. You somehow got credentialed even though you know everyone at the box. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:01 It was a shocker that I got credentialed. All the stars aligned. Yeah. Pretty quick presser, eight minutes. And it was kind of like a free-for-all, and I hadn't been there before. So everyone kind of records on their own phone, which is a little bit weird, and then asks questions. The audio is not great.
Starting point is 00:23:18 It's got the clip from the Buccaneers YouTube. But, yeah, I kind of blacked out. I was going to ask him. I was working with Joey Langone last night who does the Twitter, the Barstool main Twitter. Worst guy in the world. I was asking a question because I was thinking I was going to ask him something today.
Starting point is 00:23:32 You got public speaking tips from Joey Langone? Wait, Steven, did you rehearse your line at all? Did you prepare for it? I rehearsed a different line i kind of woke up this morning and i was like oh shit i'm just gonna hit him with that and asking about backfield death but a guy right before me it's kind of like a free fall there's no like hand raising it's just kind of like yell um the guy before me asked about leonard fournette i was gonna ask about the backfield and i asked about the reserves and i got into it but yeah it was great i got the only
Starting point is 00:24:03 smile and laugh out of them all. Yeah, it was dope. So it was very cool. It was an awesome moment. I mean, I'm happy for you, Steve. Are you concerned? Tom Brady looks a little gaunt. Yeah, his cheekbones are sunken in.
Starting point is 00:24:19 A little plastic surgery. Is that something you would like to? He's in great shape. He looked like a Madame Tussauds figure. He didn't look good. He looks great. He kind of looks like the sketch great shape. He looked like a Madame Tussauds figure. He didn't look good. He looks great. He kind of looks like the sketch of him. He looked emaciated.
Starting point is 00:24:29 He did. He looked emaciated. Yeah. Ooh. Steven, are you going to accept what I said so I don't have to say it again? What did you say? I said I'm happy for you. I honestly didn't hear you.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Stop talking for a second. Let him say it again. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you Yeah Thank you I appreciate it big cat I want to kill myself But I'm happy for you True friend
Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah it caused It caused quite a stir Everyone was Getting some Chuckles off of it So Glad I could provide some Is there another angle
Starting point is 00:25:01 Everyone loved it Everyone loved it And thought it was funny It was a stir Is there another angle Where we can see and thought it was funny. It was a stir. Is there another angle where we can see you on the Bucs YouTube? Oh, please. There's not. There's a better angle where you see him unimpeded,
Starting point is 00:25:15 and then you can kind of hear his voice and my voice clearer. And I just got it. Where is that? I have it on my phone. I can text you guys if you like. Tweet it. Text it to it cj uh tweet it yeah what else are you gonna do when you're at camp um just kind of enjoy practice tomorrow i might be hanging out with some of the guys in the front
Starting point is 00:25:37 office tonight we'll see if they get around 6 30 i'm going for a uh i met alex guerrero today um i got a body session at t TB12 at 3 o'clock. I'm going to have lunch right now at a place. And, yeah, it should be a good time. I'm in practice tomorrow. So, that's going to stop by a radio station, do a hit. And, yeah, it'll be awesome. I'm glad I came.
Starting point is 00:25:59 It's Stephen Chay's annual make-a-wish. You think they might let you – A lot of pass from Ryan Griffin. What if they let you put pads on in practice I'm there I'm not even kidding the first person in practice the doors, the parking lot opened at 7 doors were at 7.30
Starting point is 00:26:17 I was in my seat at 7.30 no, that isn't something you don't have to say I'm not even kidding you should have just been like I went to practice and been like oh yeah you were definitely the first person there No, that isn't something. You don't have to say I'm not even kidding. You should have just been like, I went to practice. You'd have been like, oh, yeah, you were definitely the first person there. Yeah, no, like our string center. I guess now he's our second string center because Ryan Johnson got hurt.
Starting point is 00:26:38 He was the first guy taking snaps. I was loving it. Just watched him snap the ball, and he was awesome. Ball's back. Just living life. I remember three years ago, we went to the same excursion, and we devoted two whole episodes of him just meeting Bruce Arians. Yeah, but remember what we did,
Starting point is 00:26:55 which was actually one of the best pranks we pulled? No, that's what everybody owned, right? Yeah, so when he was out at Bucks camp, we had five or six Bucks call in to the yak, and it was awesome. And we're like, well, we have a Bucks superfan, we had like five or six Bucs call in to the yak. It was awesome. And we're like, well, we have a Bucs super fan, but he's not here today. That sucks. Now he's friends with Tom Brady. Look what we did. So you have experiences.
Starting point is 00:27:18 They know you. Two of the faces of two of the biggest sports. We have Trout, Brady. He's on LeBron trajectory. Yeah. Oh, hey, what happened, Stephen Shea, when you tried to side text Trout? What? Oh, wait, what?
Starting point is 00:27:33 Yeah. Oh, dude. So he didn't text me back initially, but he did text me this past week off on the side. What did he say? What did you say? Yeah, just read it. It kind of takes away from some of the allure, but
Starting point is 00:27:50 I set up the league and I was like, hey, send me your email. It was like, you don't have to do it on the group text, so he sidetexted me his email and then the bicep emoji or strong emoji. He sent that to you? Damn, rest in peace to the allure. I used to be a Mike Chubb fan.
Starting point is 00:28:09 This isn't crazy anymore. Yeah, I guess this is normal. Steven, do you think that, like, how do you just keep winning? I mean, how sweet would it have been if I went to Pop Punk on Friday or Saturday. PFT bought
Starting point is 00:28:28 $500 worth of Mega Millions tickets. We could have literally, he said he was going to split with everyone there, and I actually got to verify and read the tickets. Had that one, then I would have been ultimate winning. What? You had a good weekend, but he didn't win the billion. Also, the way that you frame that, you're like, we were pretty close.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Yeah, like $500 was in a significant percentage chance. One in a billion lottery. Did I ever tell you guys that time we almost won Mega Millions? PFT put $500 in it. We could have easily won. What was that laugh? Were you laughing with us? He's laughing down at us.
Starting point is 00:29:10 You said they sympathy laugh. All the guys let you read all of them to make sure they gave you that privilege. He looked around the room and he was like, he does have a condescending laugh now, guys. He can't be beaten. He made Tom Brady laugh.
Starting point is 00:29:27 The robot has, the experiment has gone way too far. It's over. He's beaten all of us. Like, this Giovanni Bernard thing is the most, that right there, like, that's the most
Starting point is 00:29:39 Italian guy I've ever seen. You're so right. You're going to have to kill him. That's the thing, he says these things that sound so wrong in the moment, and then he's right every time.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Stevie, can you hit us with the original script for what you're going to say? Yeah, hold on. Let me find my text. One sec. We'll just be over here. By the way, update, Nick. Originally, I was going to ask. Save the interview.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Tom, Stephen, Jay, Barstool Sports. Many people out there are saying you came out of retirement because I pledged you the TB12 method for a year. I know with the Brady 4, you're a big defend the wall guy. The Bucs haven't won in Germany since the Berlin Wall came down. Are you looking forward to ending that streak this year versus the Seahawks? You had like a stand-up set. Yeah, it's too long.
Starting point is 00:30:27 Yeah, you made the right move. You wouldn't have, yeah. I kind of blacked out. I didn't even remember our third-string running back's name, and he was part of the question. Luckily, I got it out, and it hit. Erlenwald would have been nice.
Starting point is 00:30:38 You weren't playing the Jays. It's going to be all of our bosses in three years. It's going to be Chan Fasoli. It's... Yeah, yeah. Man is just... He can't be...
Starting point is 00:30:46 Laugh. I know it's laugh. He can't be beat. No. Can't be beat. And I don't know if he's good at predicting trends or if when he says them, they happen. He becomes the trend, I feel like. I don't know if he's omnipotent.
Starting point is 00:31:02 It's something divine. Yeah. He's been touched by God. Yeah. Or he is. Or he is God. I think it's more likely he is God. How disappointing is that for you, Brandon?
Starting point is 00:31:14 I always suspect. Stephen Chay is Jesus Christ coming back to Earth. He just got sidetracked by a fascination with the NFL. Yeah. Like, oh, he was supposed to convert everyone. That could happen. Yeah, right. Like, Jesus gets here? Yeah. Oh, he was supposed to convert everyone. That could happen. Yeah, right. Oh, fuck, I was supposed to rapture. Oh, shit, but the Bucs had a good draft pick that year.
Starting point is 00:31:32 We'll push it back a bit. He was supposed to be hidden in plain sight as a loser Bucs fan. I bet he'd have winners, though. Yeah, but maybe we should write this movie. Stephen Chay is Jesus. He just gets into football. He forgot to do what he was supposed to do.
Starting point is 00:31:47 There's less believable offshoots of Christianity. Yeah, that's true. That's a great point. Stephen Chay is God. Fuck. Hey, when's Saturday? It is a movie, though. Saturday is coming up, whatever, it would be like September 7th or something.
Starting point is 00:32:01 I mean, that will help us a little. The day before the season. Yeah. That always doesn't go Stephen Chay's way. It does, though. No, but it doesn't. It does in his mind. It does in his mind.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Okay, Stephen, anything else? I mean. I'm liking any publicity. It's good publicity, guys, so it's all good. No, that's a congratulations on the part of my cheesesteak. He's looking down on you. No, that's a congratulations on the part of my cheesesteak. He's looking down on you. Yeah, that little thing. Yeah, I was with Tom Brady, but congrats on the sandwich.
Starting point is 00:32:31 What's that little sandwich thing you guys are doing? Just patting me on the head. It's a big announcement. It's huge. It's huge news. So, yeah, everybody's winning today. Steven, when you're with Alex Guerrero, you should ask him if he feels bad about giving false hope
Starting point is 00:32:50 to those people dying of cancer. No, no, no. When he said he could cure them. No, no. What? What? No? If you're sick of watching more successful higher-level fighting,
Starting point is 00:33:00 the PFL playoffs begin Friday, August 5th from the Hulu Theater. You could watch those, Nick. You see about that? Yeah, I did see about that. I'm excited about it too. Fighters must win or go home to continue in the million dollar journey to the PFL World Championship. Did you know that, Owen? I did. Kyle, can you tell me about Showtime Pettis fight? It's not a tournament.
Starting point is 00:33:20 It's not a knockout. Anthony Showtime Pettis takes center stage in a guaranteed fireworks rematch versus Stevie Ray, plus the lightweight and light heavyweight division semifinals and qualifying matches for the 2023 PFL season roster will take place. All right, all in unison. Call to action. The action begins live at 6 p.m. Eastern on ESPN+.
Starting point is 00:33:48 ESPN+. Continues with the main card at 7 p.m. Eastern on ESPN+. ESPN+. Put a little verve in it. 6 p.m. Friday, ESPN+. They got the undercard. It's not a tournament. Did you say verve?
Starting point is 00:34:04 It's even you. Yeah, some verve. Did you say Verve? It's Steven. Yeah, some Verve. What did you do? Some Verve. You didn't want to ask Alex Guerrero that question on my behalf? A little Verve in it, Steven. I did not. I'll pass on that one.
Starting point is 00:34:15 But I miss you guys. I'm looking forward to seeing you guys. He just chose the word pass on. That's what he is. Yeah. Shuffling us off? No, he is. He just skated.
Starting point is 00:34:22 All right. Get out of your hair. All right. I'm going gonna let you go guys give me a little show to do oh all right yeah love you congrats he's incredible he is incredible he is the most like you know you helped create this. Oh, I mean, I had a big part in creating the monster. In private conversations, I have encouraged Stephen Che every step of the way. And now we're here, and I'm like, why did I do that?
Starting point is 00:35:02 He's going to become so much bigger than you for so long that we're going to forget there was a time it was flipped. Did I ever tell you guys? I mean, I think I've said this before, but the reason why he's the Yak producer, he came up to me and asked me, and I was like, yeah, whatever, dude. And for the first six months, I actually kind of hated him because I didn't understand his brain. And I was like, this guy just annoys me all the time. And then it unlocked, and I was like, whoa, he's a shooting star.
Starting point is 00:35:24 He's a special human god damn god just keeps winning yeah i just don't like what's next world i really think he'd make a good dictator like if he ran for president he's got up yeah i think eventually we could see a world where it's flipped and he's sitting at the stage answering questions and Tom Brady is asking. He plays in the NFL? I don't know how it ends up going, but I think he could end up being bigger than Brady.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Have you guys watched the rehearsal with Nathan Field? Yes. Just finished it yesterday. I haven't watched the new episode, but Stephen Chay is that guy in the second episode where he's like, what's your dream? He's like, to play in the NBA. He's 30 years old that guy in the second episode. He's like, what's your dream? He's like, to play in the NBA. He's 30 years old.
Starting point is 00:36:08 That's Stephen Chay. He's like, my dream? To play in the NFL. Stephen hasn't ruled out getting out there and turning some heads tomorrow. Oh, he would put on pads and just get demolished. Probably not. He'd probably make a great play. Actually, could you pull some strings and get him in some pads tomorrow?
Starting point is 00:36:24 I think Stephen is losing interest in the Bucs because he's bigger than them. I think he would give the cold shoulder to some of the backups. Oh, you're right. Don't waste my time. He's a starters-only guy now. Even like a quarterback coach, don't waste my time. Although he did say he got there and the third string center was snapping at 730 this morning, and it was the best thing he'd ever seen.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah. Do you think when he signs an extension here, like Schefter will tweet it? That would be it. Probably. That would be amazing. The whole thing is just...
Starting point is 00:36:59 Anything else? What did anybody ask? I'm going to be staying at your dance house. Oh, one last thing. That's gay. With the PFL. No, can't wait. Do check it out. It is actually our good friend Loud Sean, I think, works there now.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Oh. All the more reason. Supporting our boy. Nice. This is just, you know, I mean, there's nothing better than a fight night. Right here in the neighborhood. Yeah, Friday, August 5th from the Hulu Theater, Madison Square Garden. So it's at 6 p.m. on ESPN Plus and the main card 7 p.m. on ESPN.
Starting point is 00:37:32 It's basically, you know, guys who are climbing up the ranks. Going to be great. That's the best part about the Fight League is it doesn't really matter what level you're at. It's going to be exciting. Someone's getting knocked out. I'll guarantee a knockout. Yeah? Just did getting knocked out. I'll guarantee a knockout. Yeah? Just did.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Cat guarantee. Guarantee a knockout. PFL. Friday night. Yeah, the rehearsal was almost too painful. We're trying to cancel Nathan Fielder now for being manipulative. Which is ridiculous. The entire genre of reality TV is significantly worse than that show.
Starting point is 00:38:06 To see the preparation for that, how he lands. The trivia player, how do you find him? He was so good. Well, did you see how vague the postings were? Yeah, they were very vague. And they were on Craigslist. How many shots did he have to take? Only a super weird person is that's catching your eye.
Starting point is 00:38:22 How much did they film before they landed on this guy? I'd bet a lot. A year's worth? No one's... He's been out for a while. The ending scene was demonic. It was horrifying. And no one's on Craigslist anymore.
Starting point is 00:38:34 So it's like you can find... It has to be weird. Which one? Of the pilot? Yeah, when the guy became demonic. You see his eyes when he found out Nathan fed him the answers? Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:38:46 It was scary. Yes. And the other two, they're just so painfully uncomfortable. I missed you guys a lot. Yeah, how was your vacation? It was good. Threw out a first pitch. You guys see that?
Starting point is 00:39:00 Was it your first real vacation? Big deal. Yeah. 92. It was fast. Shot a 72 at Shinnecock. Shot a 72 at Shinnecock. Was it your first real vacation? Oh, big deal. 92. It's fast. Shot a 72 at Shinnecock. Shot a 72 at Shinnecock.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Was this your first real vacation with the little kids? No, we've... Oh, the beginning of July, too. No, I mean, it's not a vacation. With both, with both. When you're with them, it's not a vacation. It's work. It's work. It's just same thing, just a nicer
Starting point is 00:39:28 location. It's sad that, yeah, families, that's the highlight of their year, and they get to the point, and it's not a highlight. Oh, it's a trip. Vacation is no kids. It's not really a vacation for the kids until they're like six, but when they get six, they're six or seven.
Starting point is 00:39:42 You had some tick issues, didn't you? Yeah, dude. I killed 11 ticks. One day I pulled six off of myself. I don't have any tick memories. I don't know if I've ever had one. How many ticks do you think slid through? I got them all. I hope so.
Starting point is 00:39:59 It was bad. There was just one day he came in from the woods and there were six. One was on a mole in his armpit. How do you find that? That's where I found my tic. I just kept on looking. You have to search your boy. Do you ever hear that country song? It's a little sexy. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:16 I'd like to check you for tics. Brad Paisley. I felt like a superhero though because for the rest of the week my son was just like remember when you took those bugs off me? I'm like, you fucking are right, I did. That's scary as shit, though. So scary.
Starting point is 00:40:29 I'm super paranoid about that shit. Yeah, and I think they were the baby ticks, which are very bad. Soon, you're going to have to rip them off, feed them right back to your son. Yeah, eventually. He will be eating the bugs. Spill his lunch. Oh, man, your lunch is going to be fine. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:40:43 Were you nervous? Because any filmed first pitch is still nerve-wracking. Also, the white your lunch game is time. Here we go. Were you nervous? Because any filmed first pitch is still nerve-wracking. Also, the white shoes? Yeah. On the dirt? Yeah, that was
Starting point is 00:40:50 fucking heat. Good velocity. That was heat. That was brutal. You played it like it was a little casual. You didn't go too hard. It was very fun because
Starting point is 00:40:57 it was outside of the What league is this? It's the... Great thing. Look at that. It's the... I don't know what league. It was...
Starting point is 00:41:04 It's like, you know, single A, Sag Harbor League. It won the championship. So I went on Thursday. My nephew's like obsessed with baseball. So I was like, all right, we'll go to this game. It's right down the street. And my kids were napping and the game just wasn't happening. So I was like, well, fuck.
Starting point is 00:41:21 So I followed Sag Harbor Whalers to see when their next game was. And within like two minutes, they're like, hey, you want to throw out the first pitch tomorrow? I was like, fuck it. There was like 50 people there. It was kind of fun. And then I also, I gave a speech to the team and they ended up winning the championship two days later. What? What was your speech?
Starting point is 00:41:39 What was the speech? So the coach was like, remember, guys, play our game. Anyone who puts down a perfect bunt, I'll give you $50. And then I came in and I was like, fuck that. If you hit a dinger, I'll give you $200. Calls you any money? I'm a Sag Harbor whaler as of yesterday. I don't know if you guys saw.
Starting point is 00:42:03 I shot a 72 at Shinnecock. It's like anything is possible. Yeah, why don't you clap it up for that? Also, I did something a little mean that I feel a little bad about. I'll take care of the leadoff batter. I got something for him when he gets up. So when I got there, I was like, so tell me about the other team. They're like, we don't like them.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Their leadoff batter's got like 500,000 followers on TikTok, and he's like one of those pretty boys. Yeah. Oh, I hate him too. So he got up to bat first, obviously, in the game. I was standing right behind home plate, and I just go, hey, dude, I saw your TikTok. We're never going to hire you.
Starting point is 00:42:44 And then he literally hits me. I felt a little... I think he struck out, and I was just like, that was a little too much. This is like a 19-year-old kid, but I had to do it because I'm a Sag Harbor fan. He asked me, and I was like, yeah, I got it. I'll take care of it.
Starting point is 00:42:59 He's a whaler for life. Make him tougher. As it was coming out of my mouth, I was like, this is kind of fun. I was like, yeah, Dave, we both looked at your TikTok. Dave will never, ever hire you. So I ruined that kid's life. But other than that, great vacation.
Starting point is 00:43:13 If one kid's life gets ruined, that's fine. He's a hot body. Is he a hot body? Jay just texted me, none of them have Super Bowl rings, LOL. About your players, about your story. Yeah, yeah, it was cool you were interacting with athletes, too. It's too much now. It's too much.
Starting point is 00:43:32 God damn it. Wheel? Oh, yeah. Yeah, wheel. I want to yak for a while today. Yeah, I'd be down. Yeah. And nothing.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Fucking Che. Oh, so we got to do Iowa KB's Wild. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Want everyone to be here. I haven't been here. Let me ask some questions. Double Ritz, I know what that is.
Starting point is 00:43:53 I don't know what Le Bernardini is. That's Roan's Punishment. What is that? Which can be perceived as a non-punishment. Very expensive French restaurant with him. It's like eight places. Five star. That's Eric Repair's place. I think it's with Nate as well.
Starting point is 00:44:08 It's $450 a person. I believe Rowan's plan would be not to show up. You have to do the whole meal? You have to eat everything. What's Monster Dip? I don't know what Monster Rip was. Sass killed Monster Rip. He's like, I don't want to smoke.
Starting point is 00:44:26 And then, so we made it Monster Dip. And if you get it, you can kind of choose. You can either do a Monster Dip tobacco. You can eat an entire jar of queso during the show. Did you dip in the Hudson River or something? Yep. Dip in the Hudson River. You could put an irresponsible amount of money on the stock market.
Starting point is 00:44:46 Yeah. Is there a dip right now? Oh, there's a lot of things you could do with that. All right. Very good. I don't like to wait 24 hours fast just hanging out there by itself. Yep. And when is Roan wearing his cast?
Starting point is 00:44:57 He's going to Europe with his father. I think he wanted to time it up for before or after. It's a Europe-going motherfucker. Yeah. I can't wait for his cast. The cast will rule. Does he deserve that? Double Ritz.
Starting point is 00:45:08 Did we have to wait to get Patty the Batty involved? We owe one of those. Are we just doing a standard? We owe a Ritz. We owe a double Ritz. We owe a double Ritz. You weren't here. We owe one because we hit it.
Starting point is 00:45:15 A Ritz, a Wild. We got one. That's not how it works with any other things. Oh, you should have done it. How do we do double Ritz without the person who chews it? It's chewed by Kyle. That's true. We didn't do Kibby's Wild either because Kyle wasn't here.
Starting point is 00:45:27 We didn't do double ritz because Kyle was. Do wet. Well, Kyle doesn't need to administer wet. Yes, he does. We wet it on credit. Kyle administers wet all the time. He does. You been getting any ass?
Starting point is 00:45:40 Stop. We'll do that hour two. Okay. Hour two. Ass talk. KB ass. I'm curious. You that hour two. Hour two. Ass talk. I'm curious. You've been fucking but not well. You've been giving
Starting point is 00:45:53 mid ass. Yeah. I'll turn it around. That's ass. It doesn't really matter how good it is. You haven't been responding to your parents. The guy. But on Do Not Disturb. Well, they've been texting me. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:46:07 Did they really? Yeah, I'll talk to you about it later. I forgot. I didn't know that feature. I forgot I had it. Well, your Do Not Disturb just means he gets disturbed. Yeah. Yeah, it was, what was it, two hours and my mom texted you?
Starting point is 00:46:17 She said she hadn't talked to you for days. It wasn't like I was ignoring her. It was just how the- What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't want to put her on blast, but she does do something weird. Yeah, please do. She uses black emojis.
Starting point is 00:46:31 He does. Why? You have to manually change that. Yeah, I don't know. I swear. I remember the first time she did it, I was like... You have to actually go in and...
Starting point is 00:46:40 My knee-jerk reaction was to call her out, and I was like, no, I'm going to see how long this goes. I don't want to dox her, so let's not... She uses black, yeah. That's a black emoji. How does she switch? Her grandchild is a black boy.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Sure. So it's his hand? But you still have to go in and make that manual. So when she's talking about him, maybe she uses it? She tries to justify it? Your nephew's a black boy? He's a black boy. So why haven't you used that before?
Starting point is 00:47:01 To justify my racism? Yeah. Like, I have a, my nephew's a my one of my favorite nephews is black my only nephew is a black boy yeah that's a fucking mean to dox him but i'm gonna be able to find him now oh that's very funny that she does that good for her yeah but you like i just yeah just i use the default mom if you're listening that is extremely weird That's very funny that she does that. Good for her. Yeah, but I just... I use the default. Mom, if you're listening, that is extremely weird. Don't do that to other people.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Plot me off guard. Keep doing it. Yeah, I don't know. You want to hear what she said? Yes, I do. Yes? No. I haven't heard from Kyle in days.
Starting point is 00:47:39 I texted him, but he's not responding. Do you know if he's all right? Maybe his phone is dead, or maybe he's tripping on mushrooms. Black, like this thing. And then I said, I'm sure it's the former. His phone's never charged.
Starting point is 00:47:54 I heard from him today. Black thumbs up. Which is more meaningful than regular thumbs up. Black thumbs up is much more meaningful. The time frame was 7.30 to 10. She said days? She said she hasn't heard from you in days.
Starting point is 00:48:13 I wasn't ignoring her for days. I don't have her number saved too, so I thought I was texting. I didn't know who I was texting because of the emoji. Yeah. This is almost getting weird. You're texting his mom, I'm texting your dad. Yeah. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:48:27 How about it? I like this. I text one of your parents, Kate. And I'm raising Kyle's black nephew. Yeah, you are. Yeah. He would appreciate that. And this is my black nephew.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Ah. I'm at your desk every day. Okay. Oh, that's Kyle's black nephew. Kyle? Here we go. All right, let's spin the wheel. We've had bad luck with the wheel.
Starting point is 00:49:02 You have. I have. We're chilling. Yeah, I'm going to do the KB's Wild when everyone is here. I want everyone here. So we'll have to just figure out when that is. Should be soon, though, right? I have Grit Week next week.
Starting point is 00:49:17 Are you guys going somewhere? Next week, no. Have you announced where Grit Week is yet? I think we've alluded to it. It's going to be Colorado. I think we're going to maybe even do an Everest equivalent. Oh, no way. So you guys will have to congratulate me on that.
Starting point is 00:49:32 Are you going to take a sass as your guide? No, I don't think so. I don't think. I miss sass, though. Me too. He's been having a nightmare time trying to get out of St. Louis, it looks like. Oh. Stuck there for quite some time.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Yeah, he was there for 11 hours. Did he get fucked on Saturday night? Seemed like he was about to get fucked. By an airline or with a woman? By the dude. He was texting us. We should probably save that story for him to tell. Yeah, but he was
Starting point is 00:50:00 texting us and I think we were all laughing but it didn't seem funny. I met a coin owner in Nashville who didn't have his coin on him. Yes. Well, then why does he own the coin if he's not going to carry it everywhere? He didn't think he was going to bump into old Nicky. Did you see my close call? I had that guy outside.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Yeah. There was a guy who was waiting outside with a coin, and I went out like an hour later, and he must have been gone, but another guy came up to me and was like clearly waiting and I was like oh no and he didn't have a coin I was like oh thank god I don't have to kiss you we got tagged in a photo it was from across the street but it was just of our building our office building and it was someone like waiting for
Starting point is 00:50:35 you boys yeah that is legal I was like it's good to be me it's good to be me he had it resting on his hard cock we're going with a cheek kiss? Are we going full lips kiss? Lip. It's a lip peck.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Lip peck. It can't be an event. It's in the eye of the coin holder. Yeah. There can't be a graphic saying where we are. Yeah. It can't be an event that everyone knows we're going to be at. That does not count.
Starting point is 00:50:59 F catches in the wild. F catches in the wild. If that guy had his coin on him, Nick, where you were, that would have been acceptable. Oh, yeah. I would have been kissing the man. Yes, yes. Okay. Does your dad have a coin?
Starting point is 00:51:08 Yeah. I said he had like 10. He bought a lot. We have 70 more that we have to release. Maybe we'll release it when we do KB's Wild. Is that a 100K release thing? 100K subscribers? Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:51:18 That's right. That's what it is. Yes, yes, yes. How close are we? 96.9. We slowed down. We got to pick it up. Everyone, please subscribe.
Starting point is 00:51:26 If you're watching it right now, subscribe. I assume everyone watching it right now is subscribed, but subscribe. New merch soon. Make burners. Yeah, new merch. Subscribe from there. You don't care if it's fake. Everybody should be subscribed for it.
Starting point is 00:51:39 If any of you are in high school, just get all your classmates to log in, subscribe. A teacher. Anybody in school right now? If anyone works in a Chinese bot farm. Yeah. Some idiots in school right now. Some dummies. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Oh, yeah. Definitely Yak fans in school right now. Summer school, yeah. Oh, 100%. Without a doubt. Have to be. What podcast do you think has the smartest fan base? Probably that, whatever, the New York Times one, The Daily.
Starting point is 00:52:14 Yeah. Yeah. I thought you meant here. What about here? Here. Sam Harris. Here. Twisted History.
Starting point is 00:52:20 What are you talking about? It's clearly OnlyFans with Glennie Ball. Oh, yeah, it is. Did you see He Doesn't Like Vaginas? What? There was a clip yesterday he said it's not for him. That's all they can be. Vaginas? As a whole, literally.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Thoughts? He just hacked a way to only get blowjobs? I mean, I... I think he just gets Nuru massages. Hooking up with a girl, he's like, oh, no, no, no, put that thing away. Your mouth will be just fine. You want me to do what with my what?
Starting point is 00:52:57 Which is hard for Clay. Did he also have a moment where he congratulated one of the OnlyFans girls for being pregnant? And she was like, I'm not. What? What? I heard that. Someone said that.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Oh, God. I don't know if you can find that clip, TJ. I'm pretty sure that happened. That has to be a pretty severe visual to audio drop off. Yeah. Amongst platforms. Yeah. to audio drop off. Yeah. Amongst platforms. Yeah. But definitely.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Yeah. You got the one lady to hear the titties. Dicks are where it's at. Yeah, that was nice. That clip was going viral. Probably a big comfort to a lot of fellas. Me. Yep.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Yep. I feel like that, though. Like, no, it's not true that it's like when girls are like, I want a dad bod. And then when they're saying that, they're like... No, it's not true. Girls just say that. It's like when girls are like, I want a dad bod. And when they're saying that, they're like talking about Chris Pratt. Yeah. That's not what a dad bod is. No. And a small dick is probably, what, average?
Starting point is 00:53:54 Yeah. J.J. Watt posted a picture with him shirtless because he's about to have a kid and he's like, dad bod loading. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Brandon gained 15 pounds in one month. Easily. That's a dad bod. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Ran and gained 15 pounds in one month. Easily. That's a dad bod. Fucking easily.
Starting point is 00:54:09 All I had to do was not move and eat a lot. Because you don't walk in any... When I go home, my daily steps are in the 30s. You don't have to walk at all. You can drive and you can park. Wonderful. A lot of parking.
Starting point is 00:54:24 A lot of catfish. A lot of parking. Catfish? Yeah. Huh? You eating catfish? A lot of catfish. I had it blackened. I had it fried. I had it not blackened.
Starting point is 00:54:31 I had a lot of catfish. Nice. You got Kyle Nephew'd. You sent me a lot of blackened catfish. I don't want that to be mine. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's the last one.
Starting point is 00:54:43 Barstool needs it. We have a pizza guy. I don't want to be the black. We have the OnlyFans guy. I don't want that to be mine. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's the last one. Bar still needs it. We have a pizza guy. I don't want to be the black uncle guy. We have the OnlyFans guy. I don't want to be the black nephew guy. No, I'm proud of it, and I enjoy the label. I don't want to be the black uncle guy. Well, you're a white uncle.
Starting point is 00:54:55 You're a white uncle of a black boy. You're a white uncle of a black boy. I think I could say I'm a black uncle. Uncle of a black boy. You're a girl, dad. I'm a black uncle. Yeah, I guess you are. That's a good point. I kind of, I will, you can call a black uncle. Uncle of a black uncle. You're a girl, dad. I'm a black uncle. Yeah, good point. I kind of, I will, you can call me black uncle.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Uncle Kyle. That's, oh, I'm so jealous. Wow. You did nothing, too. That's the best part. There had to be some type of butterfly effect trajectory that I did to cause that to happen. It's a title earned.
Starting point is 00:55:29 You did something. Oh, man. Ever since you were young, you wanted to be a black uncle. I think of the first time when I knew I wanted to be. I grew up. I don't want to be a white uncle. I want to be a firefighter and a black uncle.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Okay. Oh, man. What else we got? I don't know. We're going to have to find more. We're going to blaze through black uncle stuff. That has legs. That will be recurring. Wait. We have to talk about
Starting point is 00:56:03 Mincy's tweet yesterday. He's not here today. He's grieving. Wait. We have to talk about Mincy's tweet yesterday. Oh, yeah. He's not here today. He's grieving. Oh, he's grieving. Yeah. Unbelievable. Or Mincy. Who died?
Starting point is 00:56:10 Bill Russell. Oh. You might know him. I imagine they played poker together. He won 11 championships from civil rights, but most people know him from being born in the same hometown as Ben Mintz. Oh. Monroe.
Starting point is 00:56:24 How did he eulogize Bill? You didn't see it? No. Pull up the tweet. Yeah. Did they play poker together once? No. Just RIP to the basketball legend born in my hometown of Monroe, Louisiana.
Starting point is 00:56:35 My hometown. He's the best. The guy can't miss. My. Yeah. It's just. We're going to continue this. We're going to keep going.
Starting point is 00:56:44 Brandon. Mincy is the king of the south. Won the Takey Award. He did. Thank you. Won that. How long did it take you to convince me to do that video? Only like maybe 10 minutes, 15 minutes.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Yes. It was a little bit of prodding. You weren't totally into it. Was it? No. No. But he is the king of the south. That's great.
Starting point is 00:57:06 He does everything. That's great. I feel like I'm on tour with him. His reviews. His reviews are cool. Yeah. And, yeah. Goes to concerts.
Starting point is 00:57:20 It's easy to, you know, be here in our four walls safe. We haven't brought it to the people. That's true. It would be great. I feel like Mincy's like. No, I'm breaking out. Don't do the extreme close-up on me, TJ. I know you love extreme close-up. I'm stressed out. Yeah, that's tough
Starting point is 00:57:32 when you have a bad face day. Ben Mintz is going to be like, I'm thinking about doing sex reviews. Nick and I, we have weird... We're doing another type of review. Yeah, we think there's an untapped market. We'll talk about it later. we have a weird... We have another type of review. Yeah, we think there's an untapped market. We'll talk about it later.
Starting point is 00:57:48 We have a video. And men's sex reviews, though. Marstool's going to have to find me some hot women. He reviews all the smoke shows. Personally. Doesn't talk about them at all I was really well Almost five minutes Great come
Starting point is 00:58:17 Yeah very happy to have you guys here So appreciate breaking bread Congratulations on baby number two on the way by the way wait what don't you have a baby coming on the way no I'm not pregnant I looked at your Instagram last night you posted like on April 7th said baby number two oh I think it was a reference to my dog it was a joke no it's a reference
Starting point is 00:58:36 to your sister no it's I had a photo with the dog and I wrote baby number two April 7th it said baby number two I was like oh let me congratulate you it's gonna be a nice new start wait can we see the picture if it was obvious April 7th it said baby number two. I was like, oh, let me congratulate him. He and Ralphie the pup. Wait, can we see the picture if it was obvious? Oh my God. That hurt me to watch.
Starting point is 00:58:53 That hurt me to watch. That's great. That wasn't even like mid-interview. That was the first session. I was jerking off to your OnlyFans. Was that a baby bump? Yeah. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:59:05 Even during times where I've been like 99% certain someone is very pregnant, as a woman even, I can't bring myself to be like, oh, are you just like never. There has to literally be a baby coming out of the vagina to be like, congrats on the pregnancy. My wife. She's delivering? Yeah. Are you?
Starting point is 00:59:20 Is that a, no, that's a shit. Okay, never mind. My wife was in a restaurant once and saw a woman with a baby and she said, is this your grandchild? It wasn't. It's just the child? It was a similar occurrence.
Starting point is 00:59:35 Yikes. I saw Kyle with a black boy and I was like, who's this? What the? No way She has a new Instagram post From April 7th Really Although her Instagram
Starting point is 00:59:48 Might have been deleted Between now and then So Well it led people To think she was having a baby Because of all the And that was her husband Next to her
Starting point is 00:59:55 Adam 22 Yeah Yikes What's that like Having a husband They do a podcast Where they interview a porn star And then have sex with them
Starting point is 01:00:03 Really I heard this So yeah It's on OnlyFans It ripped off Ben Mintz Yeah What the fuck They do a podcast where they interview a porn star and then have sex with them. Really? It's on OnlyFans. They ripped off Ben Mintz. What the fuck? It's like a 20-minute interview and then a 20-minute sex scene. They post it? On OnlyFans.
Starting point is 01:00:16 How do you know? My mic's muted. DJ, you talk. They interview first and then fuck. That has to be a little tense yeah or awkward well I think you have to get through the awkwardness
Starting point is 01:00:27 to get to the fucking right right how many times have they done this apparently a lot I think that she has the exact number hold on
Starting point is 01:00:35 I think that should reverse the order wait wait because they have their own podcast where she interviews someone and then she fucks them that's what they have multiple they each have multiple podcasts
Starting point is 01:00:43 this one specifically involves having sex with the guest. That's what Glennie's ideal is. Is it always a girl? Does it vary? It's always a girl. Oh, it's always a girl. Okay. Alright.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Cool. That's not fair. Okay. Hard of my takes been doing that for years. All of our guests. Efron was nice. You were gid Mintz's album. Pardon My Take's been doing that for years. Yeah. All of our guests. Efron was nice. You were giddy, Efron Week. Real nice. Why do you think we only have one woman on Pardon My Take every year?
Starting point is 01:01:15 Yeah. Just a little bone, yeah. Guys being dudes. What's he doing? Yeah, he's been pacing. Yeah, yeah He's a goofy dude Is that Coleman?
Starting point is 01:01:28 That's Coleman He's a goofy dude He's a real goofball Yeah He's a total goofball He's a delight I haven't seen my sister in six weeks Really?
Starting point is 01:01:35 Caitlyn! Caitlyn Sis! Brandon's back I haven't even talked to her today I forgot she was here What the fuck? Is she good at her job?
Starting point is 01:01:44 I don't know Here she is, yeah People say she was here. What the fuck? Is she good at her job? I don't know. Here she is, yeah. People say she's great. He fucking saved us. He did save us. Really? What happened? The flight got canceled.
Starting point is 01:01:52 We had to give it quick. Wait, why were you guys, where were you guys, and what were you doing? Chattanooga doing an outdoors video with Sydney. And then we drove up to Nashville. It went well. And we drove up to see Will Compton. Nice. Did he take his cock out?
Starting point is 01:02:08 You can't really take it out. It's true. You kind of remove the cover. You just unveil it. He's never been in anything. Speaking of ticks. No, it is small. Little tick, tick Compton.
Starting point is 01:02:26 He said that weighed on him for a little bit. Really? Because it's true. There's trauma all over Case Race 2. It's best to get it far away from Case Race. Yeah, but ours was that we were drunk. His is that he has a small dick. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 01:02:38 He can't do anything about it. We got sober. He woke up with that. He was actually the best drunk here. Can't get veneers for your cock, Will. When's your birthday, Owen? October 23rd. So that's the next one?
Starting point is 01:02:51 I believe so. Yeah, no one else has a birthday before then? No. Pat's is next week. Well, we also have one more thing to plan. Who's Pat? Pat? At K-Pat?
Starting point is 01:03:03 Oh, but he's... What is that? I don't know. We just want to do another case race. Okay. We have a Tommy Walker day to plan. Who's Pat? At K-Pat? Oh, but he's... What is that? I don't know. We just want to do another case race. Okay. We have a Tommy Walker date of plan.
Starting point is 01:03:09 Oh. Yes. We got to do it bigger. Are we going to do the thing where we fake kidnap him this time? No, I don't want to fake kidnap him.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Oh, okay. All right. All right. I was just asking. I want to get him a gun. Yeah. Again, I think it should either be his last kid's
Starting point is 01:03:21 birthday or his first man birthday. Oh, okay. That's what I want to do. What about last kids? What about both? Oh, there's an alarm that goes off. The first hour kid.
Starting point is 01:03:30 Yeah, we transition. The first hour man. Starts slowly. Clowns and strippers. Bar mitzvah. Is there anybody? He's got to do a task. Becomes a man?
Starting point is 01:03:38 And you walk on cold. You got to kill a bear or something? No, we should do an episode of that movie Boyhood. Like we should start the episode where we're all in diapers. Bridged. Yeah. And then we just slowly get older. Every ten minutes is a year. Yes. How great would that be? Just like reading applesauce
Starting point is 01:03:56 and shitting our pants. Yeah. We get older as we go. I do like the bar mitzvah though. Yeah, of course you do. Tommy, I think it would be if we just held a real bar mitzvah, invited a bunch of Jewish people and see if they could... We did that for a non-Jewish kid?
Starting point is 01:04:09 He's 12. Let's do it next year. Can we get him a black counterpart of similar age? Do we have one of those? We could probably find one. A nephew. Let's do as many coming of age.
Starting point is 01:04:17 We'll have a quinceanera for him. Yeah. That's 15, isn't it? And for girls. Yeah. Feminine. Let's do it. Yeah, we'll christen him, right? it? Yeah. And for girls. Yeah. Feminine. Let's do it. Yeah, we'll christen them, right?
Starting point is 01:04:29 Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's for babies. Yeah, right. We're doing all of them. We're going to do everything you do to a kid. We're going to do it to them. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:35 And we got to give him his last rites. Yep. Ah. Yep. Kill him? Yeah. Yeah. We're doing every age.
Starting point is 01:04:40 Reborn. Boyhood. Reborn. Being reborn as a man. Yes. Should think of something to do. Maybe we get like a... He's growing out his hair into a mullet, and I don't know if I like it.
Starting point is 01:04:52 Oh, I love it. I told him, I told him, I said, I told him, you can't have any dominion over your hair until you're like 12. And then he got to 12, and he's like, I'm not doing my hair anymore. What if we did like a cocoon butterfly type of thing where we put him in a big plastic bag, and if he doesn't get out, the butterfly never gets born? Yeah, you're right. He stays a pupa.
Starting point is 01:05:09 Or like roll him up at a carpet real tight, and he's got to- He's got to get out. Human burrito. Yeah, human burrito. Can we give him a hoop earring? Can we pierce his ear? Why does it always come down to like killing him? No, we're not going to kill him.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Well, is he strong enough to get out of the plastic bag? I don't know that he is. Okay, well then, yeah, it would kill him. He's got swords. But that wouldn't be us killing him. That would be his own lack of strength. We're going to put swords in there with him? Is he still into swords?
Starting point is 01:05:32 Huge into swords. Very cool. Flamethrower? Huh? Should we get him a flamethrower? Eh. Dirt bike. We can get him a dirt bike.
Starting point is 01:05:39 That would kill him. Like, in seconds. What about, like, a crossbow? Crossbow would work. We could do that. I like that. Jump out of an airplane? Do you have a crossbow
Starting point is 01:05:50 in Midtown Manhattan? I don't think so. Sure someone does. Did you guys see the post? The NYPD was like we're cracking down on gel blasters. Gel blasters.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Yeah. Yeah, big time. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Contraband. They're doing a buyback. Okay. Yeah, big time uh-oh. Uh-oh. Contraband. They're doing a buyback. Yeah, yeah. Get an Aaron Hernandez jersey.
Starting point is 01:06:12 Kate, Jon Stewart, that reaction was wild. Yeah, it was super nice. Yeah, New Zero Blog 30 is out. We interviewed Jon Stewart who is just a hero of mine. He's one of the genuinely good people and it's a really good interview. It's only like 15 minutes long. Highly recommend checking it checking it out hey what was the clip i started on the on my way in i gotta finish it yeah what was the clip where he brought you up so when i first got
Starting point is 01:06:35 out of the marine corps i moved to new york city and um i was going to fordham and they had a program at the daily show it was like his second to last season where if you were a veteran, you could come. It was like a crash course in media and comedy, basically, where I would go over to the Daily Show every week and you would sit through, like I would be sitting in the writer's room. And this is like at the peak of the show, really. And I would sit in the writer's room from morning till when they shot the show that night. And you could walk around the whole studio and like, maybe I'm interested in like taking the camera guy route. And you could talk to the camera people, you could even talk to whoever ran the teleprompter, there's like a union, and like any aspect of like, media production, comedy, anything you wanted to, you could just shadow whoever you
Starting point is 01:07:17 wanted that day. And it was my whole last semester at Fordham. And then when it ended, they had a job fair. And the job fair was like, it was was almost like speed dating but it was like in the actual studio so I interviewed with like the history channel like right I sat like in the chair that he does the show from and I like had an interview right there but because of that and he would come in in the evenings like he would be carrying a whole stack of pizzas and he would just sit down and have pizza with you and talk to you and like it's all it's just like the coolest experience ever and it was the writers there that were like because I wanted to get into comedy but I was like I have no idea how and they were like well here's where you can start finding open mics here's some advice for you and I started doing like stand-up
Starting point is 01:07:56 and improv and um a sketch team me and the other vets some of the other vets formed like a sketch team that we would go around the city um but it was because of that that I thought well maybe I can do this like as a living like because I thought i was too old it was too late like but it was because of that show i think that like i wound up wasn't a perfect path but that i wound up here yeah and i never got to thank him for it so long story short chaps got to tell him by the way my co-host kate like she has this job because of you like set her on this path reaction is so genuine reaction is so we. His reaction is so... All right, we got to watch it.
Starting point is 01:08:26 Can you get a T-shirt? I got goosebumps. And I think it just goes to show, like, what a good dude he is. Like, the whole... Everybody who worked there was, like, so amazing to this group of veterans. And I still keep in touch with some. They all went on, like, really cool paths in media, a bunch of them. Sounds exactly like Barstool.
Starting point is 01:08:42 Yeah, it does. Yeah. You show up and no one even knows you work here for like the first six months yeah and then you squirrel your squirrel your way up yeah take away suffering and you don't see the unseen benefits you had a program at comedy central that led to unseen benefits that you probably don't even know about my co-host kate who did two tours in afghanistan was part of your veterans immersion program and she get out of here yeah and she constantly says that if she didn't do that she wouldn't be sitting in the seat that she is oh man I am so glad you know I mentioned that yeah it's going to take away that's amazing that's awesome yeah he's always just been like such a
Starting point is 01:09:22 hero because even growing up he was one of my like it was him and conan o'brien yeah and like a couple other guys were the ones that i looked to to be like this these guys are the fucking best so that experience was awesome and then yeah thank you for asking zero block 30 like it's oh that's awesome very cool john stewart what a guy i know such a good guy have you ever had him on Pardon My Tape? No, he's a fucking man, though. Yeah, he really is a good guy. He should run for office. I know. I'm surprised he hasn't.
Starting point is 01:09:50 Yeah. He's doing a lot of political stuff in his retirement. Yeah. Remember, didn't they create a fake super PAC or whatever? Yeah, that might have been Colbert. Oh, Colbert, yeah, that's right. He's good at that stuff. I never liked Colbert.
Starting point is 01:10:03 He was too right-wing for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, what else is going on? We got to, unless you guys want to end the show, I'd like to hang out with you guys. Have you ever seen the Colbert clip when he was getting fake donations to the Super PAC
Starting point is 01:10:19 and they used a picture of his mother-in-law as one of the donations? No. It was a good clip. Yeah. My grandpa was on Jon Stewart's show. Really? He fought Steve Carell at Gleason's Gym in Brooklyn in a boxing segment.
Starting point is 01:10:33 What? What? Jay's grandfather is fascinating. I don't know if you guys know. I've never heard about him. Yeah, no, I know. He's a boxing trainer. How did Pops end up how he did?
Starting point is 01:10:41 He's a certified OG. He's barred with Steve Carell? Yeah, it was a segment where Steve Carell was trying to lose weight, so he went to Gleason's gym and my grandpa fought him. Damn.
Starting point is 01:10:52 He beat his ass? He did. It's wild that Steve Carell arguably is the biggest from that show. Yeah. The Daily Show. He was just a correspondent, right?
Starting point is 01:11:03 He was a guy, just a correspondent. Your grandfather was a legend and TJ, you're on legend path. What happened to Tim Hitchings? It's kind of like how, yeah, you know, Carly Stremski was a Hall of Famer. His grandson's now an MLB player. There was like a generational gap in between them.
Starting point is 01:11:18 You calling his dad a loser? Oh, I was just asking. It wasn't a big deal. I would never. Ever. I will say that in the Daily Show writers room, like we were just supposed to be like kind of shadowing and quiet. But then in my head, I was like, well, maybe they kind of want us.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Like if you have something good, maybe this is your time to shine. So a couple of times when they're like hashing out, I was like, what about this? Like, you know, like that annoying person who like crickets. Oh, like, like bombed so hard each time. I was like, that almost doesn who crickets. I bombed so hard each time. That almost doesn't make it worth it. Fuck.
Starting point is 01:11:52 John Stewart ruined your confidence. Absolutely. It's the moral of that story. That's a feeling you really get used to around here. Look at this fucking guy with his fat ass. He knows exactly what he's doing. Double cake though. I'm going gonna bite it.
Starting point is 01:12:08 Sitting out here with his, he was just leaning with his ass out. Yeah, poking it out. Damn. He loves throwing that thing around. Look at that. Sometimes he can't help it. Have you had that, KB? With my ass? No, his ass.
Starting point is 01:12:22 Yeah, it just ended up. You have to look how fat it is. Fuck. Yeah, he's twirling it around now. He knows. But would it be nice on a woman's body? I'm going to say yes. Yes, I feel like that's a good.
Starting point is 01:12:37 If you cover him like this. Yeah, just a thick ass regardless. You're just like, wow. No, that's an illusion, I think. You think he's wearing padded boxers? I've seen side-by-side big male ass, big woman's ass, and it's night and day. That's an assistant principal ass on a woman. Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 01:12:53 Yeah. You shit with that thing? Must, right? The nature of the man. Does all business Pete follow you guys on Twitter? He's never followed me. No, no. He's just a you guys on Twitter? He's never followed me. No, he's just a dick. He's never followed me.
Starting point is 01:13:10 Let me see. His ratio of following to followers is incredible. On account of him being a dick. Yes, he follows me. Yeah. His wife is a delight. Oh, his picture. I just pulled it up
Starting point is 01:13:26 Him just hanging out at the beach Having a beer What a loser Does he follow the Yak, TJ? His profile picture is like 15 years old Yeah Yeah, he does, okay He follows me
Starting point is 01:13:42 I'm going to just have to unfollow him I feel like his Twitter is very in-your-face dude. Yeah, he is. But he's not like that. Not at all. Like this tweet, he's using the wet wheel at home. That's genius. I won't be seeing it anymore.
Starting point is 01:13:55 Bye. This is not the Pete that I know. I don't know. Does anybody truly know Pete? Yeah, I've spent some time with him. I don't like him. Genuinely. Yeah, no, we went out.
Starting point is 01:14:13 And then we're still live. Oh, yeah, yeah. We went out. He's got a deep belly button. Oh, my God, he's just flaunting it. We went out in Minnesota bowling and getting drunk one night for the Final Four, and it was jarring. He was, like, laughing.
Starting point is 01:14:30 I went out with him once at the Super Bowl. I had sushi with him. Yeah, it was very jarring. It was, like, probably 1 in the morning, and he was still— Very likable. Affable. Oh! It was so—
Starting point is 01:14:40 Oh, my God! Owen, have you aged, like, 10 years? Yeah. First two years. Wow. Happens to the best of us. Look at that. That's his sweet ass.
Starting point is 01:14:51 Double cheeked up. That picture's like three weeks ago, too. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's June 9th. Oh, my God. What did he say to that tweet? Probably. Might have to re-follow him.
Starting point is 01:15:06 Yeah. The clock is doing weird things on the wall. I don't know if it's going crazy. Yeah, it's going crazy. I mean, his internet went out. Oh, really? Oh, cool. The Wi-Fi.
Starting point is 01:15:13 Not our internet, the Wi-Fi. Oh, yeah. I like that we claim we invented the internet, but we don't have any. Yeah. Whenever more than three people invoke his name, the internet goes out. Yeah. It's the Beetlejuice. The Bloody Mary of.
Starting point is 01:15:26 Yeah. But that's also like been a long time barstool thing. We used to have a squirrel almost took down the company back in like 2013.
Starting point is 01:15:35 Really? Chewing the wires in the Milton office. Oh. Yeah. That happened to my sonata once. There's a lot of talks
Starting point is 01:15:42 Really? Yeah. Your Hyundai sonata? It's a bunch of squirrels What is a son. Your Hyundai Sonata? It's a bunch of... What is a Sonata? What is that? It sounds like a symphony of sorts. But what is that name?
Starting point is 01:15:50 It's a musical. Hyundai Sonata. Oh, yeah. It was so smooth. Opera? Oh, no. It was like a symphony. I don't think it's Sonata.
Starting point is 01:15:58 You're confusing what something else that I can't place right. I think it is music. How do they come up with the names for the cars? Remember the Amigo? Oh, yeah. Yep. Fun for a boy and a girl. Good restraint for not telling me to shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 01:16:09 Oh, no, no, it's fine. Remember the Cue with the hamsters? Oh, yeah. That was a classic. That guy's scion. Poor thing. That guy, I think he was an actor. No, dude.
Starting point is 01:16:24 We're talking about the rehearsal again His roommate that was a staged Yeah Fight they had that was not real Here's the only reason why I don't I don't know if you saw on Twitter His brother was tweeting It was like finally the world knows
Starting point is 01:16:39 How big of an asshole my brother is And he was like I found out that he was going to be on this show. I think they got Nazir to play up the numbers thing and play up the play with your roommate. I don't know. Wait, who?
Starting point is 01:16:52 In the rehearsal, the guy who just like, Jesus Christ. These people they found are so just impossibly weird. What I want to know is, say the first episode, he kind of unknowingly
Starting point is 01:17:02 is ripping on the lady being like, she's going to come in here and complain right away. And then she did. came in she's like my roommates are the worst how did they get her to sign off on that yeah like i know i think he pays the people to let them is that legal i don't know like that was what i was wondering because if i was her she seemed so like type a that i was very curious to see how that went behind the scenes like how did he pull that off yeah no idea fascinating yeah incredible mind uh-huh yeah like how do you even pitch that to the to the network in a way that yeah i think you just say trust me i'm yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:17:37 well his show all the people knew they were on a reality tv show they just didn't know it was a comedy right so that was the wrinkle and then for this one i'm not sure same thing i guess The show, all the people knew they were on a reality TV show. They just didn't know it was a comedy. Right. So that was the wrinkle. And then for this one, I'm not sure. Same thing, I guess. We're told it's a documentary. I don't know if they know that they're the butt of the joke. They don't know.
Starting point is 01:17:56 Do you think that couple fucked Glennie Balls? Yeah. Well, that's their thing, right? I'd sign up for OnlyFans to see that. To see Glennie get fucked by Adam 22? And his wife. I heard that he just... Glennie get fucked by Adam 22. And his wife. I heard that he just... Glennie would go for Adam 22. Yeah, you're like, no, I don't want this.
Starting point is 01:18:10 Oh, Lena, no, no, no, no. Yeah, imagine going on a sex-positive podcast with Glennie Balls and he just ends up fat-shaming you and then saying he hates pussy. She's the ultimate alpha. Sex-positive podcast minus vaginas. That's the building block of sex. Vagina is the load-bearing, you know. It's quite literal.
Starting point is 01:18:39 It's everything. Without the vagina, you don't have it. It's the corn of sex. It is. Sex was built on the vagina it. It's the corn of sex. It is. Sex was built on the vagina. Do you mean the corn of sex? Corn is responsible for a lot of things. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:53 Like popcorn? Ethanol. Oh, yeah. No, alcohol. Feed. Corn. Sugar. Cobs.
Starting point is 01:19:01 Corn starch. Yeah, it's the corn of... And a damn good vegetable. You think so? Compared to other vegetables. Is it not even... But you can't even digest it, right? I don't think you can digest it.
Starting point is 01:19:14 I think it's a top three. It's behind potato, obviously. Behind potato. It might be the number two vegetable. Yeah, maybe. What about Brussels sprouts? Oh, corn is easily better than Brussels sprouts. Asparagus done right is a cheat.
Starting point is 01:19:28 But corn can do 29 things. Asparagus is delicious. I wish we had an app where we could all rank it independently. You can't type the N word. Fortunately, the tech isn't there to have both. Corn number two. Potatoes, easy one. Easy one.
Starting point is 01:19:50 Beans? That's a legume, dude. Like spinach. I think you guys like the add-on. All right, let's do this. Here we go. I think we got to get potatoes at the very top. Potato is in its own category.
Starting point is 01:20:03 Right to the bottom. Potatoes top. I mean, is in its own category. And a rispilla right to the bottom. Yeah. Potatoes top. I mean, I just don't consider pumpkin. I mean, avocado is a fruit, but I consider it a vegetable, and that would be in the higher tier. You're doing fancy stuff now. Disagree? No, you think avocados are bad?
Starting point is 01:20:17 Well, no, it's just not a vegetable. Taste-wise. I think potatoes just could have been in the S. Avocado's damn near a condiment at this point. Yeah, you're right. It's a topping. Put arugula at the bottom. I didn't know it existed until 2000.
Starting point is 01:20:31 If arugula didn't get stuck in your teeth, I think it would be a D. What avocado is this? Ooh, I love arugula. We can't let that go. Put beets on the bottom, too. No, I love them. No. Bottom, bottom.
Starting point is 01:20:43 Bottom. Beets and goat cheese? I eat two or three cans of beets a week. I eat them straight from the can. It tastes like dirt. I love, I drink, I order beet juice smoothies. Wait, let's look at all the vegetables available before we start tearing things. I kind of agree with that one guy who says Kate ruins the show.
Starting point is 01:20:58 She ruins the show. I would give it a D. I think cucumbers are up top. Not it with potatoes, but cucumbers are elite. No, cucumbers are elite. You guys like their associated flavor. What are we going to do with onion? Well, fuck you.
Starting point is 01:21:14 You were talking corn. Corn is, yeah, it's good. Well, corn should be at the top. Corn is an S-tier vegetable. Yes, corn is a top, yes. All right, I'm going to throw something out there. Oh, peas. I'm going to say something.
Starting point is 01:21:25 I might get blowback, but I think onions are S tier because they can be in everything. Yes. They can be in everything. That's what I said. They make everything good. Onions and tomatoes are ruined, though. Onions and tomatoes are probably S tier. Onions let you know something's good cooking in the house.
Starting point is 01:21:39 It's a good smell. Yeah, yes. Sizzling them up. He keeps yelling. I do not like the tomato S tier. Wait, you tomato S tier? Tomato, tomato. Who the fuck did that? Watch your mouth. Chili, ketchup, chili. I do not like the tomato tomato ketchup chili tomatoes are incredible you're thinking of things that are
Starting point is 01:21:52 special that's not how it works that's how it works no but they had to add sugar to make a tomato good that's how it fucking works you know there's sugar in ketchup yeah if you're gonna I think tomato should be up there with onion onion and tomato are almost you have to put them in other things to make
Starting point is 01:22:07 them great. You're right. Tomato on its own is not good and normally they suck. Alright, well I got shot down with cucumbers but carrots are good. I'm with you on cucumber. I'm not a fan of carrots. I hate carrots. You hate carrots? I hate them. Carrots are good. Carrots are good steamed. I hate carrots too.
Starting point is 01:22:24 I'm with him. Alright, so where's cucumber? Carrots don't have a taste. I do think they don't have a too. I'm with him. So where's cucumber? Carrots don't have a taste. They don't have a taste. Boring ass. Guys, like the sauces on it. Take them off the S. You guys are using cucumbers all wrong. It's an S+.
Starting point is 01:22:38 Jalapeno should be in the A. This is a mess. I like it. Asparagus is the king of vegetables Jalapeno's spicy If asparagus is done right That's an A Jalapeno's gotta be up there
Starting point is 01:22:52 Asparagus doesn't have enough to eat Oh put artichoke in there Fuck artichoke You could eat every part of an asparagus Artichoke It was delicious Salt Artichoke is good
Starting point is 01:23:00 Broccoli's ass Artichoke's on a hot dog Broccoli's not Broccoli's a trash I would like okra to be better. Most of these green vegetables. Okra? Okra's delicious.
Starting point is 01:23:08 Like gumbo. Okra and fried okra. It's a passion. I like this. Yeah. Okra's delicious. Oh, okra. You ever have it in its pure form?
Starting point is 01:23:14 It oozes. Oh, I don't like it in its pure form, but in its fried form, it's incredible. I got another one I'm going to throw out there that probably is going to. Well, wait. You got to put red onion. Well, you shouldn't have red onion and onion. It's silly. Red onion doesn't do all that much.
Starting point is 01:23:30 I like eggplants. I like eggplant too. Really? Eggplant parm. Not even the emoji, Kate? Sweet potatoes, that's two. Can we get some candy in here? Oh, garlic's way at the top.
Starting point is 01:23:44 I love garlic. What is that doing on there? Garlic a vegetable. Yes. I guess put garlic in S, yeah. I think bell peppers are A. There's too many S's, guys. Can't have four S's.
Starting point is 01:23:55 No, I think four is the max. I think sweet potatoes should not be an S. I think that's insane. Where should it be? It should be one down. I think it should be top three. It should not be with cucumbers. Put cucumbers down. Put cucumbers down. I think jalapeno's too high It should not be with cucumbers. Put cucumbers down.
Starting point is 01:24:06 Jalapeno's too high and red onion's too high. Jalapeno's too high? Yeah! Hell no! What the fuck is wrong with y'all? Dude, you eat the spicy Chick-fil-A and you can't... I don't like spice. What? I don't like spice. And you're assuming we all like okra? You're going to discriminate against me because I don't like spice?
Starting point is 01:24:22 You're going to discriminate against everybody else because you don't like spice? Yes. That to discriminate against everybody else because you don't like spice? Yes, that's how the South works. You're a man from the South. We're not putting okra in B. No. You never had fried okra. I hate it.
Starting point is 01:24:34 You can't say it's fried. I think cauliflower is trash. Anything is delicious. I think cauliflower is trash. I hate it too. Bad. Hold time. Cheese whiz on cauliflower.
Starting point is 01:24:42 You need to have a mushroom conversation. That's added cheese. You need to have a mushroom conversation. Yes, and it's high. I love mushrooms. It's damn high. I think mushrooms are way up there. Oh, it is.
Starting point is 01:24:50 I say it's way up there. Oh, it is. Let's go through. Why are you arguing with me? I'm agreeing. I know. I'm saying I'm passionate. I don't make fun of people that have takes and look at you with mushrooms.
Starting point is 01:24:59 Never had a mushroom. Mushrooms up. Mushrooms up. Mushrooms either A or S. Mushrooms are second to me. Mushrooms is second. All right, go. I've seen you not only roll your eyes, but your whole body at the thought of a mushroom. Oh.
Starting point is 01:25:11 Let's go alphabetically. All right. Artichoke. Incorrect. I think it's trash. I would say C. C or D. Why don't we go one at a time and put it at the average of everybody? We don't have enough middle right now.
Starting point is 01:25:19 We got too many high or low. Artichoke is a C, I think. I would say a D. I was going to say C. C. I would say C. Or D. Eat slander is absurd.
Starting point is 01:25:29 All right, avocado. I'm not an avocado. Me either. That's a high. That's a B. Because of guacamole? No, because I like the taste. You eat too many vegetables.
Starting point is 01:25:37 You're ruining it. No, I don't. No, I don't. I would say B or C. Well, he did say it three times. Say C. Avocado's A. Avocado's not A.
Starting point is 01:25:44 Oh, my God. Avocados's A. Avocado's not A. Oh, my God. Avocados are good. They can't be A. I know, but avocados are a good food. Some of these are just vegetables. You like the sauces that they accumulate. That's what you're doing with avocado. If we're doing that, avocado is the sauce.
Starting point is 01:25:58 What? Who's eating? You spread avocado. Cucumber is 98% water. You're not tasting anything. What are we doing with bell peppers? I think bell peppers are A. I think bell peppers are B. They're not A. They're fine. They're B. C. No is 98% water. You're not tasting anything. What do you do with bell peppers? I think bell peppers are A. I think bell peppers are B.
Starting point is 01:26:06 They're not A. They're fine. They're B. C. No, I eat bell peppers plain with a little hummus or something. They're good. Broccoli. I like broccoli.
Starting point is 01:26:14 A. I like broccoli. E. I don't like broccoli. I like broccoli. Broccoli were off. F for me, but I know that I'm- B.
Starting point is 01:26:21 B. B at best. Red onion needs to come down. Can we agree with that? Yeah. Yes. Okay. Brussels sprouts?
Starting point is 01:26:28 S plus. No. No. Brussels sprouts rock. Brussels sprouts rule. They are good. They are good. That's asparagus.
Starting point is 01:26:35 That's just you. Kate, that's your coochie. I'd be fine with Brussels sprouts for an A. You know how Brussels sprouts make your pussy smell? A? No, no. Brussels sprouts are not an A. They're a B.
Starting point is 01:26:46 They're better than broccoli. They're better than broccoli. I agree. Brussels sprouts are better than broccoli. They're the same thing. Broccoli is the best vessel. Brussels sprouts are better. No, they're the same.
Starting point is 01:26:56 I would move broccoli to C then. What is this? I can't even see it. Is that some sort of squash? Butternut squash? Who cares? I hate butternut squash. It's garbage.
Starting point is 01:27:05 Cabbage, F. Butternut squash. I like? I hate butternut squash. It's garbage. Cabbage, F. Butternut squash. I like coleslaw, though. No, that's good. Coleslaw's good. Butternut squash is actually good. Where's actual squash? Butternut squash is...
Starting point is 01:27:15 Carrots? Carrots are A to me. Not to me. I think they're average. You've got to think of how iconic a carrot is. Right. Uggs bunny. Uggs bunny.
Starting point is 01:27:23 Now we're doing... Iconic. Yeah. iconic a carrot is. Right. Uggs Bunny. Uggs Bunny. Now we're doing. Iconic. Yeah. We're talking about cultural impact. Now we're talking cultural impact. No, we're talking about taste. We're talking about taste and taste only. Oh, he's right.
Starting point is 01:27:34 Cultural impact has to be. If we're talking taste only, potato has to go down, dickhead. Yeah. Oh. Potatoes are fucking delicious. Potatoes taste good. What are you talking about? You guys are out in your own opinions as blanket statements.
Starting point is 01:27:46 I think you were defending them with blanket statements. Where did Potatoes taste great. What are we talking about culture shifts? Where did you just put that?
Starting point is 01:27:54 Where did you just put the last one? Carrots have to be at least B. They have to at least be at least B. It's a carrot. It's a carrot.
Starting point is 01:28:01 It's one of the What's the carrot's most iconic role? A snowman? It's snowman, It's a carrot. It's one of the- What's the carrot's most iconic role? A snowman? A snowman? It's snowman, dude. Yes. Snowmen are fucking-
Starting point is 01:28:09 I love snowmen. I'm ready for a fight on the next one, too, because cauliflower is straight trash. Trash. Oh, the cultural impact of Kyle's ear. Yeah. Trash. You like them all, Kate. You like all the vegetables.
Starting point is 01:28:21 It's literally named after the grossest ears in the world. Allflower's ass. Offense, Kyle. It's awful. after the grossest ears in the world. All flowers ass. Offense, Kyle. It's awful. It doesn't taste good. Okay. Your ear? Nibble.
Starting point is 01:28:30 Nibble on the... Celery. Overrated. Ants on a log, peanut butter with the raisins. I like celery just because you can get negative calories. That's a cool fact that you can just say. I don't like how stringy it is. Add some crunch to your salad.
Starting point is 01:28:42 Do you know celery cleans out your pooper? The strings go through, and it's like a little, all the strings go through your intestines. Really salad. Do you know celery cleans out your pooper? The strings go through and it's like a little all the strings go through your intestines. Really? How would you know? You've never pooped. Alright, so where are we putting celery? Low. I'm addicted to this now. We've got to do something else after this.
Starting point is 01:29:00 I mean, it makes you lose weight. That's how bad it is. You haven't gotten into the tear game very much? Oh, I have. Celery's bad at being a food. Yeah. Edamame? I've never had edamame.
Starting point is 01:29:11 Edamame's overrated. Owen made a good point. It gives you titties. Yeah, that's true. I don't want to be a soy boy. Tea for edamame? Eggplant? I think she'd be in.
Starting point is 01:29:20 I think eggplants are higher. Yeah, B. B or higher on eggplant? I like it as in like the, you know, fry. What else do you put it in besides parm? What else are you doing with it? You can fry it. I don't know if y'all have.
Starting point is 01:29:30 Yeah, it's always fried, though. It's a B for me. I'll just bite it into a raw eggplant. I wouldn't like it. No, no way. B. Sounds like people are saying B or C. B.
Starting point is 01:29:39 Ginger? No. No. It helps tummy aches. Keeps Schweppes in business. It's medicinal, yeah. How do we have eggplant above broccoli? That's a great question.
Starting point is 01:29:47 We all just said we liked broccoli. Broccoli is... We'll go back through. We'll go back through. I'm saying the process isn't... We'll go back through. We'll obviously make an adjustment. We're knocking them down.
Starting point is 01:29:56 Ginger's F. F, F. I'd rather have cabbage than ginger. Kale is F. Kale is F. Why was kale... Kale's... Kale's trended.
Starting point is 01:30:04 Kale also helps you poop. No. We don't care. I didn't see cabbage get the F. Cabbage is good. Kale was an industry plant. It was. Pyrola, superfood.
Starting point is 01:30:15 I fell for it. Leeks, F. Oh, F. F. F minus. XFL. The idea of them is good, but the... Lettuce is S.
Starting point is 01:30:23 I like shredded. I like shredded. It's like the things that belong in the lettuce. good, but the... Lettuce is S. I like shredded. I like shredded. It's like the things that belong in the lettuce. No, but lettuce, you need lettuce. You need lettuce. I'm talking about eating lettuce. We have arugula F, and we're going to put iceberg lettuce S. Lettuce sucks.
Starting point is 01:30:36 Arugula's better than iceberg. It looks romaine. It's good at what it does. A. I'll give it A, not S. A. Give it an A. Peas? Peas are ass. Oh, peas are terrific. Do not say it A, not S. A. Give it an A. Peas?
Starting point is 01:30:45 Peas are ass. Peas are terrific. Do not say this is a yak thing. I'm not a part of this. Let me go back through it. You can change anything. Everyone gets one change. We're Yankee swapping it.
Starting point is 01:30:57 Yes, everyone gets one change at the end. No one gets to question it. But they have to be real about it. They can't just be sick. Yeah, yeah. All right. Peas? I think peas are B or A.
Starting point is 01:31:07 Peas are bad. Peas are not bad. C, C. I feel like they're a C. Peas are for the low IQ. None of yours have taste, Brandon. None of them have a distinguishable taste. They're all just green vessels.
Starting point is 01:31:19 Corn doesn't have a taste. Pumpkin. Okay, cabbage does. It's a super flavorful food. I like pumpkin pie. Pumpkin's good for Instagram posts. Yeah, pumpkin should be in the B. Yeahkin. Okay, cabbage. It's a super flavorful food. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin's good for Instagram posts. Yeah, pumpkin should be in the B. Yeah, because they pickle it.
Starting point is 01:31:29 It's a flavorless product. Is it fun to carve? Pumpkin in the B? No. Cultural impact. As far as a vegetable, it's like a D or F. Kabod cream. It's not good.
Starting point is 01:31:41 You're ranking it based on other things. Is that the pumpkin I use for Instagram? I think it is. All right, radish. F're ranking it based on other things. Is that the pumpkin I use for Instagram? I think it is. All right, radish. F. Who gives a shit about radishes? Scallions. Shifting up my Halloween post this year.
Starting point is 01:31:52 Scallions, I'm going to go. That's going to be a real. E, C, or D? Inconsequential, I think. Scallions do come in the clutch in dips and stuff. They're in good food. Scallion pancakes. Yeah, I would say D.
Starting point is 01:32:03 Scallions are like salt and pepper to me. They're just there. Spinach. I like spinach. I love spinach. Strength. You get strength. Oh, creamed spinach that you get at a steakhouse sometimes.
Starting point is 01:32:12 Spinach dip. Hey. Yeah. Also, it's... Hey, yeah. Creamed. Turnip. Ass.
Starting point is 01:32:22 F. F. I'll go F for turnip. I hate zucchini. Zucchini. Better than eggplant. It's better than eggplant. I don't like the whole zoodles trend.
Starting point is 01:32:31 No, I hate that so much. They get cold fast. I don't like zucchini. I would give it. You like it more than eggplant? Brandon's thinking fried. Zucchini bread. Right.
Starting point is 01:32:39 Those noodles are awesome. Noodles become soggy. Go see your dude. Zucchini bread is correct. Yeah. All right. B. B. Zucchini bread is a. Yeah. All right, B, B. Zucchini bread is a great card. All right.
Starting point is 01:32:47 Yeah, this bakery in my neighborhood. So now we're allowing changes? One change per person. Everybody gets one change. Here's what we should do. Now we should use this and tier something that has an objective tier to it to see how ridiculous this looks. What do you mean an objective tier? Like things that have an objective ranking.
Starting point is 01:33:06 Like what, races? Numbers? The last 40 presidents. Quarterbacks? In order. To juxtapose how ridiculous our tiers are? Oh, buddy, you don't live on. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:33:16 This is a five-hour show. Quarterbacks are objective? I don't think. Where would you rank Lamar Jackson? I don't know if there's anything that is. Fourth. Okay, so who's division? One, two, and three.
Starting point is 01:33:31 Uh-oh. I don't know. Brady, Rodgers, Mahomes. You're ranking? Not Brady. Lamar over Brady. Okay, Lamar over Brady. Am I doing this right?
Starting point is 01:33:39 It's an easy job to have. Lamar over Brady. I want a KB solo quarterback right now. All right, Kate, you get your first pick. Oh, man. I got mine already. Can you move it anywhere? Anywhere. Except, I think, S+.
Starting point is 01:33:55 But someone can move it back after. Well, I think it's reasonable. I do, for real, eat so much Beats. I put it in everything. Okay. I'm moving beets to B Oh this isn't fun anymore I don't think that's crazy I'm going to use my move
Starting point is 01:34:11 I'm going to move beets to F Can we do a swap One for one I'll trade Lettuce needs to get the fuck out of there Oh shit where's lettuce going I agree with KB Swap lettuce and broccoli.
Starting point is 01:34:27 No, no, no, no, no. No! Avocado needs to be high. Swap avocado and garlic. What? That was going to be my move. I was moving garlic down. Garlic doesn't need that.
Starting point is 01:34:42 What? It's a vegetable. It's a salt. It goes in every food. Put beets back wherever Kate wanted. I'll do a real switch. Aha. Bee, please. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:34:53 Beets. Okay. With a little salt. Oh, delicious. Vinegar. Beets. What's that got? Wait.
Starting point is 01:35:04 Go back. Is that your Beats voice? Do it again I'll swap I want to swap broccoli for Brussels sprouts Brussels sprouts I like that move, yeah I hate it
Starting point is 01:35:16 My move was going to be move Brussels sprouts up We still can't Alright, so this is my move You can't touch a touched item Okay Or can you? No, I think that's a good rule. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:27 I don't care who I piss off because this vegetable. Oh, no, he's going to do the okra. He's okra-ing. Oh, no, no, no. Look at me. I'm from the south. Oh, you're going to do. I'm picking up.
Starting point is 01:35:38 Well, that looks mighty good. I'm going to go there because everybody knows. I'm getting sweet potatoes the fuck out of there. What? Sweet potatoes are fucking trash. Brandon, you have the- Sweet potatoes are trash. You have the casserole, dude.
Starting point is 01:35:50 Get them down to D. That's where sweet potatoes belong. No! What? That's where sweet potatoes belong. I'm with Kyle. This list does not count. I'm not counting this.
Starting point is 01:35:58 Sweet potatoes are trash. That's so wrong. Listen, children. No, wait. You have to swap. You have to go one for one. All right. Well, give me-
Starting point is 01:36:03 Yeah, what are you pulling up from D? So now you can't- Like, you're going to ruin everything if you put sweet potatoes in D and put one of them up in D. Well, wait. You have to swap. You have to go one for one. All right. Well, give me a- Yeah, what are you pulling up from D? So now you can't- You're going to ruin everything if you put sweet potatoes in D and put one of them up in- Well, I got to- Okay, we'll put it at C and move okra up to A. What? Yep.
Starting point is 01:36:13 You dumb fuck. That's what I'm doing. Dumb, dumb fuck. That's what I'm doing. I've got lettuce at A. What do you put okra in besides gumbo? I fry it and it's the best thing ever. Let's go crazy, boys.
Starting point is 01:36:26 Frying is... I fry all these things, Kyle. I fry all these things. Not all these things. You can't touch potatoes. That's the only rule. Yeah, I'm swapping cucumber and mushrooms. Okay, I actually like that. I'm going to grab mushrooms from there as well.
Starting point is 01:36:37 I agree with this. Oh, God. All right, now it's fucked. Now it's fucked. All right, Owen, last one. People put mushrooms on steak. I won't touch your guys' vegetables. I will just swap arugula for romaine.
Starting point is 01:36:52 What? A and F. Go ahead and swap. What? Wow, that's bold. Holy shit. Yeah, romaine is bad. I can't.
Starting point is 01:36:58 You asked for that shit. It doesn't taste good. All right, this is it. We all sign off. Nobody's happy with this. Oh, we sign off on it. I got another list in me. Yeah, should we do fruits?
Starting point is 01:37:10 Holy shit. All right, Pat A, Joey B. We got to do fruits, right? ABC. What? Fruits? Let's do fruits. That'll get dicey.
Starting point is 01:37:20 Yeah, I know. All right. There's also a lot more fruits, right? There's a lot more fruits. I've done all of these many times. Yeah, I know. All right. There's also a lot more fruits, right? There's a lot more fruits. I've done all of these many times. Well, do it again. I'm not a big fruit guy. I know that's probably shocking.
Starting point is 01:37:31 Or vegetables. You're not a big veggie guy. Either am I. Everything you said was you could fry it. You can't fry fruits. Well, what do you want, Brandon? I only eat fruits when I'm thirsty. What should we do?
Starting point is 01:37:43 What? I only eat fruits when I'm thirsty. No, I do? What? I only eat fruits when I'm thirsty. No, I could back him up on that. They don't quench you. Y'all do your thing. I've got to rank the G5 quarterbacks right now for another show. Oh, let's do it here. Let's do it right here.
Starting point is 01:37:56 Let's just do it now. I got to look them up and stuff. Oh, I know them all off the top of my head. Well, I know Jaron Hall. What about States? Bachmeier, maybe. Have we ranked the States? That's 50, though.
Starting point is 01:38:07 That's a lot. 50. There's too many intangibles. Right. What's a good thing? What's chat? Give us the chat. What's the chat saying?
Starting point is 01:38:18 Just the six colors. No one's watching anymore. That's a vegetable draft. All the mushroom heads tuned out. They're pissed at me. My mentions are fucked. Brandon Walker eats hot dogs for every meal. That's not.
Starting point is 01:38:32 That's what the chat said. I understand. That's fair. But that was one comment in a million. Why did you read that one? It stood out. I don't know. Fair enough.
Starting point is 01:38:45 Rank the states? States could work. No. I'd lose it. Who are you going down for? North Carolina? Montana? I've done something similar,
Starting point is 01:39:00 and people always bring up one specific city to be the state as a whole. So what's the chat saying? What do they want us to rank? States, fast food, drugs. Played out. Candy bars. Played out.
Starting point is 01:39:18 Women. That could work. Barstool women? Women's body parts. Yeah, yeah. Didn't Stu Feiner already do that? On his wife's birthday. On his wife's birthday body parts yeah yeah didn't Stu Feiner already do that that didn't he
Starting point is 01:39:26 on his wife's birthday on his wife's birthday oh I didn't know that part he left some women off the list entirely I believe it was for his wife's birthday it was yeah
Starting point is 01:39:34 it was a gift so we're thinking here sports what is this oh So We're thinking here Sports What is this? Oh Lettuce Oh wow we're already
Starting point is 01:39:51 Let's just roast all the Grow up Oh man He's right This guy loves lettuce I want to rank one more I'm addicted to ranking Lettuce has ride or dies
Starting point is 01:40:02 Some sort of TV shows or movies? Some sort of Pixar movies? Ranked channels, television channels. I don't know anything about them. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. Say it more condescendingly. I like the way you say it.
Starting point is 01:40:18 Yeah, you do. Smells. Isn't he movies? Halloween candies Months Months is a good one I like that How many are there? Twelve
Starting point is 01:40:31 How many? Twelve It's going to be tough War for October Days Days of the week No Number one
Starting point is 01:40:42 Yep By far You think October's S-plus? Yes. I think October is absolutely S-plus. I think October's going to get unanimous around here, though. I think it's S-plus. I think it's the only S-plus month.
Starting point is 01:40:57 Only one, though. Yeah. No. It's the perfect month. I'm old enough to remember getting flamed for not saying a summer month, you know? Well, July is a top three month. All right, enough to remember getting flamed for not saying a summer month, you know? Well, July is a top three month. All right, here's what we're going to do.
Starting point is 01:41:09 There's 12 months. Delete the E, so we have six tiers, and we put two in each. Eel. No, do one in E and one in S+. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. There we go. So the best, the worst, and two others. So I think we go October.
Starting point is 01:41:25 I'm not agreeing with that yet. October is my S-plus. I'm signing off on it, October. I agree with October. It's got football. It's got baseball. In the Northeast, I mean, you know, it gets pretty cold damn near the end of the month. No, summer weather.
Starting point is 01:41:37 I've had freezing cold Halloween. It's like Halloween. Yeah. You get sucked into a lot of weddings in October. I've had chilly Halloweens. And you've also had 85 Halloween's Kyle true they balance out
Starting point is 01:41:48 now F is either it's either January or February I would say March I think it's February oh basketball right I think it's January even though my birthday
Starting point is 01:41:56 January's the worst month my birthday and it's always Disney why January I think it's February it's shorter I always think it's closer to spring well in February it's like 28 days like you can you can fucking I know think it's February shorter. I always think it's closer to spring.
Starting point is 01:42:05 Well, in February, it's like 28 days. Like, you can fucking, I know that it's only three days. I would say the 28 days of February feel longer than the 30 days. I agree. I think having the new year helps January a little bit. No, January is the come down from the holidays. It's extra to put. February sucks.
Starting point is 01:42:19 Yeah, but you're off for a few of the days. It's February. February sucks. And nobody likes Valentine's Day. You got to pretend to get gifts. All right, so's Day. You've got to pretend to get gifts. All right, so February's after. You have to pretend to get gifts? Oh, January's got to be.
Starting point is 01:42:32 Oh, Kate. That was a little Freudian. Oh, no. Kate. Look at her. Did you mean percenterous? I have real tears in my eyes. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:42:52 Okay. How about June? All right. No, wait. Okay, so we're going back to the top. I think September's a good month. I think July and June are good months. June is S.
Starting point is 01:43:02 May is a great month. I would stamp Nick on June. April sucks. June for nostalgia. I think June's a good month. Getting is S. May is a great month. I would stamp Nick on June. April sucks. June for nostalgia. I think June's a good month. Getting out of school. I don't care that it's been forever. The first really warm month, we're opening up.
Starting point is 01:43:15 June is the Friday of the weekend of summer. Wow, yeah. That's so smart. July is Saturday, August, Sunday. It's not too hot yet. Then it should just be June and July in the S. July gets really hot. No, the humidity this past couple weeks is insufferable.
Starting point is 01:43:29 I would say September is S. September is S. Start of football. Oh, yeah. Oh, September. The start of college football. I think it's June and September. September is up there.
Starting point is 01:43:38 June and September. September is also beautiful. Yeah. I like May more than June. All right, so A tier. I can hear that argument. I think, all right, I'm going to throw out. I think I agree. I'm going more than June. All right, so A tier. I can hear that argument. I think, all right, I'm going to throw out. I think I agree.
Starting point is 01:43:48 I'm going to throw out. You're counting school days. Let's go back to the bottom. I think, oh, we're going back to the bottom? January. January. January and I think August. I would say, as somebody.
Starting point is 01:44:00 August sucks. Can I make an argument for April to be at the bottom? Because I grew up in a pretty religious family, and April's Easter month, and the weather sucks, but you're wearing all these uptight church outfits, and you're going to these three-hour-long masses, and you have to see all these uptight family parties. I hate April. I think April's fine. I hate it.
Starting point is 01:44:16 April is like you escaped. The weather sucks. April's when it starts getting warm. Baseball starts. Hope springs eternal. April edges you. It's warm, and then it's cold again. Snow in April.
Starting point is 01:44:27 I like getting edged. All right, so wait. What are we saying? I think January's a day. I think August sucks. I think April sucks. August is worse. Well, taxes.
Starting point is 01:44:39 April, taxes in April. I do think April is a very weird month. Why are we like in March? Yeah, I think it's March Madness. March Madness. March Madness. That's the only good thing about it. It's all month.
Starting point is 01:44:54 It's the whole month. It's literally madness. And it kind of helps blind you to it. You're right, that's fun. St. Patrick's Day, the first nice days. There's some battles coming. March and May. You're right. That's fun. St. Patrick's Day, the first nice day. The funnest holiday. All right. St. Patrick's Day is this fun. So March and May for A? It's going to get tough.
Starting point is 01:45:08 I think. March and May? No, no, no. March is in A. March is B. March is B. I think A. A is May.
Starting point is 01:45:15 All right. So I'm going to throw out something. We need May. I'm going to throw something out for A that you guys might shit on. I think December is the top month. I love December. Because you basically don't have to do anything the entire month. Yeah, it's a lot of days off.
Starting point is 01:45:28 A lot of days off. And no one expects anything of you. It's cold as balls, though. Yeah, but you get to hear Buble and Target. It's cold, but it's also the most socially acceptable drinking month. You could just be drunk all of December. I think you can do that in the summer, too. I think we need one cold holiday, too, in the top three, right?
Starting point is 01:45:45 I like December. I'm a big December guy. Christmas rocks. The whole season? Do we like May with December in the A? I like May. I love Memorial Day weekend. I thought May had a play for S.
Starting point is 01:45:57 I like July and Fourth of July better than I like Memorial Day. Maybe put December at B. Maybe I overstated December. I don't think you did. We get like half the month off. I don't think you did. I think November. We get like half the month off. It's like Owen's argument. We need a cold month.
Starting point is 01:46:09 Wait. November is perfect tailgating. It's perfect tailgating. That's true. Thanksgiving's a top. November's cold. November's too cold. November's depressing.
Starting point is 01:46:18 Wait. November sucks. It's a shitty reboot of October. Thanksgiving is a great holiday. Yeah, but that's all it has. I think November sucks, Dick. I think, yeah. All right.
Starting point is 01:46:28 So December and then July? There we go. I think it's either July or May, and I vote July, but I will, if y'all want to outvote me. I'm a May guy, so. May can still be shitty weather. Yeah, here. I is. And the rest of the country.
Starting point is 01:46:42 July, you're not really, I don't know. It's true. We're like keeping ourselves in a Northeast. July is a great holiday. July is a great holiday. Yes. Ah, Memorial Day is better. July feels like one of those months that you just don't have to do anything.
Starting point is 01:46:53 Memorial Day is not better than June. I think it's more fun. It is, yeah, yeah, yeah. Long weekend. You guys just enjoy your Memorial Days. The start of the summer. Have fun. All right, I'm fine with May being.
Starting point is 01:47:02 Just drink. Oh, okay, Kate. You're dead free. Don't think about anything else. All right, so then May and then July should be with March. Okay, fine. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, this actually makes a lot of sense.
Starting point is 01:47:12 I think August should be an F-tier month. I don't think it's... Oh, it should be a D. Oh, we're only getting one F. I hate this. Oh, D-tier then. Yeah, this actually... Oh, C could be those two.
Starting point is 01:47:19 Yeah, April and November. I actually think we nailed this. No, there's no way. August is better than November. No, I don't think so., there's no way. August is better than November. No, I don't think so. April is not as good as August. November has football. November has football.
Starting point is 01:47:30 August doesn't. You're going down the shore in August. Also, football is coming. August takes forever. Preseason. Baseball's still going. Nobody cares about baseball. Okay.
Starting point is 01:47:41 Except for when I need it for my argument. Okay. I don't love August. I hate April where April's at. I think it should be lower. But that's okay. What happened to you in April? cares about baseball except for when i need it for my argument okay i don't love august i hate april where april's at i think it should be lower but that's okay what what happened to you in april i was an altar server oh yeah you gave it up for lent all right this is right what's pretty calm i to the right of April? I can't read it. November.
Starting point is 01:48:08 I think it should be lower, but I'll put my name on this. So basketball is getting March to be. Yeah, March sucks so hard besides basketball. Yeah, but it's so great. It really is enough to push your new org. I have a good March memory. I have my son in March. I will say March Madness going on while it happened was key. That was wonderful.
Starting point is 01:48:29 Key to what? What do you mean? Just in the weeks afterwards, you're just doing a lot of sitting on a couch, and it was so great to just have that going on. So I will say March Madness was pretty good. That sold me. Helps the time pass. I think that's the correct list.
Starting point is 01:48:43 Yeah, that one felt good. I like when there has to be parameters of like there can only be so many and it's here that helped alright we crushed it good stuff good show guys
Starting point is 01:48:56 I'm actually going to be out tomorrow I just found out something I'm going to do an interview great week good for you. I'll be back Wednesday. I miss you guys already. I miss you.
Starting point is 01:49:13 I got to go talk to that bitch now. Whoa! Whoa! Dude, Erica's your boss. No, that's not who walked by. That was Erica. She walked by. I'm going to walk by and you go, I got to talk to that bitch right now. That's not who walked by. That was Eric. That's not who walked by. Oh, my God. I literally walked by and you go, I'm going to talk to that bitch right now. That's not who walked by.
Starting point is 01:49:28 Oh, my God. I wish I could have said come and go. Oh, my fucking God, dude. Bold move. That's not who walked by. Why did you do that? That's not who walked by. That is who walked by.
Starting point is 01:49:38 These past few years, it's been the yak. All right. It's the end of the show forever. It's the act That's time to talk Shop and do Yankees love It's the act It's the act

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