The Yak - Would Steven Cheah Be An S-Tier Dictator? | The Yak 8-1-22
Episode Date: August 1, 2022Cheahtator - SUBSCRIBE TO THE YAK OR CHEAH WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLDYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For ...more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Oh!
I'm back.
Brandon's back.
Look at that.
Brandon, front and center.
The Mississippi Miracle.
Hey.
They call him the Mississippi Miracle because his mom tried to abort him 15 times.
That's right, and he kept on fighting.
Kept on fighting. The tongs couldn't dent his skull.
This boy's a miracle.
We tried to kill him many times.
My head's misshapen.
That's right.
But you can see where the vacuum didn't take.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
The Mississippi miracle.
That was vacation.
You haven't worked a day.
You didn't go to a single fish show.
Not a single day's work put in.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Widespread panic was up fucking north.
I couldn't go.
It was good. It was bad. I didn't like being a month i love being there for a month did it deter you from wanting to move
back a little bit wow a little bit i miss being in the mix i miss being you know yeah we know yeah
yeah a month was too long that's too long like i i this past week that i went on vacation i i like
actually tried to not look at stuff.
And you can do that for a week.
You can't do it for a month.
Yeah, and I didn't go for joy.
I went because I was going to be moving in.
How long are you going to be milking?
I was going to be coming back in two weeks, but then, you know.
Oh, my daddy died.
Well, my dad died.
And the landlord died.
My landlord died.
Oh, your landlord died. Yeah, right. So, now I still don't. Yeah, it's all. And the landlord died. My landlord died, which is my new daddy.
Yeah, right.
So now I still don't.
It's all good.
I'm back.
So was it weird to realize how much you've changed?
Because your whole dream was to move back to Mississippi.
Now you couldn't last a month.
Admit that you've changed.
Yeah.
I won't admit that I have changed.
You missed the hustle and bustle of New York City.
Missed the libs.
A little bit.
Yeah.
I enjoyed the train ride yesterday, which is weird. I have changed. You missed the hustle and bustle of New York City. Missed the libs. A little bit. Yeah.
I enjoyed the train ride yesterday, which is weird.
I hate the train ride.
You don't have trains in Mississippi.
Not at all.
I got on the train and it was just like, this feels right.
This feels good.
Brandon was so giddy when he saw his first yarmulke back in the city. Yeah, he's like, oh, fuck yes.
I'm home.
That guy's not speaking English.
I'm home.
This is great.
Oh, we got a special delivery.
Now, this is a mistake on my part because not the delivery, not the part of my cheesesteaks.
Is it a robot?
I wish I had figured out that we're going to do this robot and it just shot everyone with pellets.
Oh, my God.
Because that would have been so funny.
What a twist.
Instead of cheesesteaks.
What the fuck? You can rule that out, guys.
Oh.
Oh, you can't rule that out.
Okay, just...
Hold on.
Oh, he likes you, Brandon.
He's got heart eyes.
Oh.
Oh my God.
Philly...
Or Kate just wants to beat the fuck out of this robot.
I do.
Today is actually the anniversary of the death...
Of Hitchbot?
Of Hitchbot.
Today is the anniversary.
Did you just do that?
I did.
Holy shit.
Oh, my God.
So part of my cheesesteak, you can order it now.
You can grab it.
We just debuted it today.
Oh, there you go.
Well, why don't you go ahead and take a cheesesteak?
Well, I'm going to open it again.
I just wanted to.
I don't think it's clap activated.
Well, if it's a robot, it doesn't need activated.
What if it closed because it saw Brandon's body and was like, he doesn't need one.
Yes.
Obese.
Hat detected.
Hey.
Oh.
Oh, thank you.
Hell yeah.
Part of my cheesesteak.
Go get them now.
You can get them everywhere.
There's over 200 locations we have.
We're going to add more.
So if you don't see it now, we're going to get more.
And yeah, I'm very excited about this.
This one's the Chipotle cheesesteak.
Toasty warm.
Crumble fries.
Thanks.
And we said this on part of my take today, but.
Oh.
Hey now.
Brandon.
Unlike.
This is awesome.
Unlike other.
Totally surreal moment.
So unlike other things that we've done,
I don't know if this is actually a good way to sell,
but I'll just do it anyway because we already did it.
But the more cheesesteaks you buy,
the more money PFT Hank and I get.
So if you like us, just do it.
That does make sense from a marketing standpoint.
Yeah, just be like, you like us, right?
I hope you like us.
Is that why you started kicking people off your show, so you could have more money for yourself?
Yes, exactly.
We were like, oh, shit.
I looked at the pie, and I was like, oh, Liam, you're gone.
Bye-bye.
Actually, that was just Henry Lockwood.
People think that it was because I had a couple tweets being like,
you doing this because he screenshotted your tweets or your texts?
I was like, no, that's at 0.0%.
But yeah, part of my cheesesteak is out.
Excited.
You guys get money in your pockets.
And I give money to you guys.
The sandwich tastes good, too.
Tastes good.
The more money I have, the more money I will spend.
You guys know that.
Next case race tip is about to be insane.
You're going to spend it on guns to shoot us with.
I'm not good at keeping my money.
I only have it for a little bit, and then I spend it on things.
The only reason I root for you is for purely selfish reasons.
Right.
I'm just going to fucking do stuff.
The eventual yak trip will be funded by, pardon my cheesesteak.
Oh, and our slushy fund.
Oh, yes.
Which was.
Oh, yeah.
Did you see your cowbell?
Can we get his cowbell real quick?
I don't want to relive this.
LeBron James signed it.
Mm-hmm.
What?
LeBron James signed your cowbell.
First, he tried to bang me, and I said, no, thank you, and then he signed the bell.
Ben Mintz?
No.
LeBron James, dude.
It says it right there.
Yeah.
What is it?
Read the signature.
Who drew a dick on it?
I don't know? Read the signature. Who drew a dick on it? I don't know.
Read the signature.
Adi Tati.
I guess that's an attempt at Ben Mince.
At the bottom, in parentheses, LeBron James.
That's pretty cool.
I thought it was Ben Mince, but LeBron James.
LeBron James came here and was like, give me that cowboy.
He didn't even go on a show.
He just came and did this?
Just wanted to sign it.
Did you draw the dick?
I didn't.
No, I would.
Always assume it's you when it's a dick. No, I do a side profile dick. I didn't. No, I would. Always assume it's you when it's a dick.
No, I do a side profile dick.
I don't do the typical top down.
Would you like this now that has a dick on it, Kate?
That's a little too small.
It's also not filthy and smoking cigarettes.
Right, yeah, yeah.
There's not enough hair on that thing.
It's not gross enough.
Does it smell like BO?
Not, I'm not interested.
I missed you, Brandon.
Yeah, I missed you guys too.
I won't do a month away again.
That was crazy.
That was wild.
Before this, you wanted to move to Mississippi.
Well, I bought a house down there.
So you're going to?
Eventually.
It's not a house.
Well, I bought my dad's house.
Sure.
Yeah, it's a cocaine den, but it's...
Do you think being in here helps you content-wise?
I think it helps me tremendously.
Yeah.
I mean, being away from this show is a pretty stupid person.
Why would you take that hit for such a long period of time?
Well, Brandon, just so we can get rid of these rumors,
you didn't go down for a month because you were in prison, right?
Like, you weren't serving.
I mean, no, that wouldn't even.
I thought it was like you had to do a month a year in prison.
I mean, I wouldn't even look that up.
That would be crazy.
Yeah, that would be crazy.
Don't even start that.
That would be stupid.
I saw a couple people like.
Is prison genetic?
Yeah.
Actually, it is.
She's got the prison genes.
It's like the Tom Hanks is a pedophile thing.
Yeah.
Is Brandon in prison?
You didn't show your ankles on any episode.
No, I had a good time.
It was fun.
Good stuff.
I guess being a rich man in Mississippi is some type of prison.
No.
You don't spend your money on anything.
No, that's the exact opposite.
There's nothing.
There's no nice thing to buy.
Yeah, what would-
A prison of your own.
There was a second when I was down there about the second week, I said, well, I'm just going
to rent a house here for a year and then see what happens.
I'll just try it out.
And then that was very fleeting.
Yeah.
And you know why I didn't do it?
Because the house I was going to rent was like an old antebellum home and I knew when
you saw it, you were just going to make a bunch of slavery jokes.
I will anyway.
You will anyway. We have done that about you a bunch of slavery jokes. I will anyway.
We have done that about you anyway.
That's fine. Your own home.
I saw your, was it a Yelp review that you left about your tour
that you did in the South?
Was that you?
That wasn't me. What are you doing?
I'll find it.
A Yelp review of the South
as a whole? Oh, it was a Yelp review of... I think it was a Yelp review of the South as a whole? Oh, it was a Yelp review of...
I think it was a Yelp review...
It wasn't a tour.
I was just at home.
I did a lot of fishing.
I gained 15 pounds.
Your boots were on the ground.
My boots were very much on the ground, yes.
Caught a seven-pound bass.
Not a big deal.
Not really.
No one really cares.
Not a big deal at all.
Kind of a big deal, though.
It was like the biggest fish in the whole pond.
It's smaller than an infant.
It's not impressive at all.
Not all infants.
I think seven pounds is an average infant.
No.
Closer to eight would be average.
I think seven is right at average.
Seven is average.
All right.
I mean, Google exists.
I would even say it might be like in the 6'10 range, something like that.
All right.
Well, I've had more children than you, so.
That's true.
I'm sorry, Owen.
I apologize for you.
You're good.
Happy to have you back.
Thank you.
You want to do your sling head?
You got back last night?
I did.
Got back last night.
And you're homeless for the month.
I don't have any.
Although I'm in talks with your dad to live with him.
You were staying with my dad for a week.
I promise.
So I'm going to be entering those negotiations.
He has some conditions which I felt were a little weird.
Give me an example.
You didn't have any written?
No, I didn't.
I didn't know we were doing this.
Nick, this is you.
No, he is staying with my dad.
What are the conditions?
I don't know the conditions.
It's between him and my dad.
But it was like a face-off.
Like, yeah, if he wants to stay with me, he has to ask.
And Brandon was like, well, your dad hasn't texted me, inviting me.
So it was a standoff for like 10 hours.
I'm going to text him.
I'm going to text him right now.
All right.
It's hard to word that.
Can I live with you?
Yeah.
Hi.
Mr. Will?
Nick, does your dad have Sling?
For one reason and one reason only.
What is that?
The other line with Kelly Keegs.
Love it.
So Sling TV has something for everyone.
All your favorite shows like the Brandon Walker College Football Show with Brandon Walker
featuring Brandon Walker and your favorite shows like the Brandon Walker College Football Show with Brandon Walker featuring Brandon Walker
and your favorite channels all right at your fingertips.
What you watch is up to you.
It really just depends on what kind of mood you're in.
For a limited time, you can access everything Sling has to offer for free.
That's right, free live TV for three weeks.
Sign up and start watching in just five minutes.
You can stream on any device.
Record up to 50 hours with included DVR space.
Offer ends August 4th.
Sign up at sling.com slash Barstool.
When's August 4th?
Thursday?
Sling.com slash Barstool.
Start watching free, free live TV today.
Absolutely free.
TJ, I just sent you Brandon's Yelp review.
Why?
Here it is.
My husband and I were extremely disappointed in this tour.
We didn't come to hear a lecture on how the white people treated slaves
who came to get the history of Southern Plantation
and get a tour of the house and grounds.
The history of the plantation.
Our tour guide was so radical about slave treatment,
we felt we were being lectured and bashed about the slavery.
My ancestors were from Sicily, never owned slaves,
and my husband's were German and none of his ever owned slaves.
They didn't go.
By far. different route.
Far not a racist. We're against all Americans
having equal rights but this was
my vacation and now we're crossing all
plantation tours.
It was just not what we expected.
What do they want if they want the history but not
that? I mean if they went to the Walker's place
the tone's a little different.
Presentation's a little different.
They would have enjoyed it.
Two stars.
You guys have like seven reenactments.
That's true.
You don't even pay them.
They go to a Holocaust camp
and they're like, this is a real bummer.
I want to hear about the architecture of Auschwitz.
Like, why the fuck are they talking about this?
This is a downer.
The Jews out of this It's Saturday guys
Shouldn't we be happy
I'm not going to fuck my summer up for this
So yeah you had a nice trip
I got to find your dad's number
You don't save numbers
I know and I know it starts with 304
Don't dox the man
I haven't texted him in a while
I'm all the way down here.
Is that San Francisco?
The Erica and Billy football text.
Text with Billy football?
I did when you suspended him.
He was looking for a landing spot.
Remember that?
Yeah.
He was trying to find somewhere warm to land.
What did he come to you for?
Fuck, it's Steve and Che.
All right, fuck.
God damn it.
You got 15 minutes.
We got 15 minutes in.
15 full minutes.
Jesus.
We have another 15 in us.
Let's get to 130.
I've never...
Text me his number.
I really do.
I did consider maybe just ending everything
when I saw this clip.
Yeah. Can you speak to Steven Shea
nice to meet you
I was interested obviously asked about Lenny
how is the rest of the backfield depth with
Rashad White
Giovanni Bernal
Giovanni Bernal
I can't believe he did it
the balls
it was a good delivery too
he just seamlessly
fit it in
yeah
it's also very funny
because I just
Steven wasn't anxious at all
he had the confidence
of someone who grew up
with Tom Brady
he's Steven Che
Steven Che
he has confidence
in everything
Stevie Che
you quote tweeted me once.
I wore a cape in sophomore year.
It also made me realize that I'm just too,
I have too much Stephen Che stock
because Feidelberg was like,
why are you saying this is cringeworthy?
He nailed it.
And it's like, oh yeah,
you probably don't interact with Stephen Che.
First of all, you can't nail a thing,
only you do. It's with Stephen Che. First of all, you can't nail a thing only you do.
It's a Stephen Che original.
The whole world's gone crazy.
Actually, I think you can.
He did it as well as he could have,
but it is his thing and only his thing.
No one else has done it.
Listen, guys, he nailed it.
He did.
No, he did.
I'm on his side, yeah.
I think the whole locker room is going to be calling him that now,
is going to be saying it that way.
I think he's starting something.
And Tom Brady was delighted.
Did you see his little face light up?
You guys are now on the side of this, like, Stephen.
I don't know what his diet is.
It was too huge.
He's taking Yak Stephen Shea into the world.
Yes.
That's scary.
He's putting it in front of Tom Brady.
He's taking his character here, or not a character, but he's taking what he built here, and he's
taking it out into the world.
Now, the whole world is going to-
The whole world is going to hold to assume.
This is how COVID started.
Yes.
This is how COVID started.
It's not an Asian joke I just made.
It would have been a good one if it was.
Yeah.
Well, you can make a joke that people can take one way or the other.
But no, this is how it started.
You let it out of the lab, this office.
Now we're screwed.
It's just out there.
It's out there.
He's out in the wild.
He's in a high population stage.
He's growing really powerful.
This is going to make him insufferable.
If Brady ever says it like that, that's my two weeks.
That's my two weeks.
Stephen Che, actually, now that I'm thinking about it out of everyone here would make the best dictator
like he has the most
no
so assassinatable
but don't you think that
he has
like in his mind
he is like the best
at everything
I don't think he can be a dictator.
I don't think he'll ever use these powers for anything.
He's got an innocence to him that I feel like he could get away with a lot for a long time.
He's Forrest Gump.
That's who he is.
He's Forrest Gump.
Best dictators are better.
He's never worried.
But Stephen Chay's an actual tries.
So Stephen Chay could be a dictator. He just needs
a World War I to happen.
But he has to get assassinated for
a World War I to start.
No, he needs to go
be a soldier in World War I, lose the war
and then be hardened by it.
I see. 20 years later he comes back.
I could see people being like
I'm part of the Stephen Chay cult.
I think even losing a war wouldn't really bother him that much.
We can't stress enough, he only cares about American football
and things that are not even loosely associated with American football.
Directly.
Directly.
Everything that he says and does can be found on the NFL Wikipedia page.
Do you think Stephen Chay is hoping Adam Schefter picks this up and retweets it?
That would be the peak of his life.
Can you make that happen?
What did he text us?
We got to call him.
He said something like,
I am giddy right now or something here.
He says, I'm losing it.
That's the thing is I actually am happy for him.
I am too.
Oh, no, that was good.
He did tell the group text this happened
before we ever saw that it actually happened.
I'm happy for him,
but I'll never tell him to his face I'm happy for him.
You can't make me do that. You just said
it out loud. Yeah, but he won't listen to this.
And if he says it, if he's like,
I heard what you said, I'm like, I didn't say that.
I also want to point out
at the very start, before he
even says that part, as soon as he says
I'm with Barstool Sports, everyone kind of
pauses and laughs and no one takes it
seriously. Yeah, I did note it. I thought they knew who Barstool Sports was. And everyone loosens up and is like, oh, it's just Barstool Sports, everyone kind of pauses and laughs and no one takes it seriously. Yeah, I did note it. I thought they knew
who Barstool Sports was. Everyone loosens up
and is like, oh, it's just Barstool.
Then seconds later, he does the Giovanni Bernard.
Then seconds later, he fulfills exactly
what... He wasn't timid.
His voice didn't differ.
You can tell that he had zero
nerves. None. It would have been hard
for him, but now that he's bigger than Tom Brady,
it was easy. His delusions of grandeur, for him but now that he's bigger than Tom Brady it was easy.
His delusions of grandeur have like he is
on Tom Brady's level.
He's bigger. It was the comfort
of a twin talking to another twin.
The one who came out four minutes earlier.
Steven?
Hello?
Yeah. Can you hear me? Yeah.
What's up?
How we doing?
He has transcended the existential plane and he is talking to us from heaven.
Steven, we might have made a mistake.
Steven, you think we're calling you about the Tom Brady thing, but we're actually calling you because I think we might have messed up the ads.
That's not nice.
We made a pretty rough joke about
sling. Yeah, so what should
we do? No, I was actually
a few minutes behind, but I heard the sling joke
or the sling ad.
There was just one just now.
Yeah, we just did
one that was, it's bad.
Alright, I think you guys
are trying to pull my leg here, so I'm not going to buy that.
But, yeah, it's been a great day.
I'm coming to you live from a strip mall in Tampa.
I just walked an hour and 93 degrees.
You can't just change the subject on us.
What the fuck?
Why did you walk an hour instead of an alternative mode?
I have to fuck the second ad up now.
Sorry.
We can't, though, but I want to.
Why'd you walk an hour?
I really don't like Ubers,
and I have some time to kill.
I'm getting a session at TV 12 at 3 o'clock.
What do you mean?
Did you listen to anything on the way?
I heard a little bit of your guy's show in the beginning.
You're on it.
Brandon gained 15 pounds, which is not surprising.
Oh, what was that?
Is that true?
Yeah, I said it earlier.
Carrying it well.
Not in the neck.
I got a lot of neck right now.
Now you have none.
You should beard up for the fall.
Correct.
I have less neck.
I did beard up.
There you go.
It became white.
Wait, Steven, you don't like Ubers?
What does that mean?
No, I'm not a big pay-for-convenience guy.
So, I mean, I have time to kill, so why not just walk?
But I am kind of sweaty now.
Sorry, you don't like...
Convenience is like walking 15 minutes.
Walking an hour is...
That's just an Uber situation all day.
It's not an hour.
It's like 1.3 miles. I like a 1.3 miles i've walked
1.3 miles an hour and a half you an hour all right what did what like 30 minutes all right
what didn't we see what happened that we didn't see what were your takeaways
from tom yeah brady tom brady the quarterback full name please from tommy Brady, Tom Brady. The quarterback. Full name, please. From Tommy? Tom Brady.
It wasn't from Tom Brady, but there was a cool moment where I had field access after practice,
and I'm friendly with one of the other quarterbacks, and he threw me a pass,
a pretty hard one.
I caught it, but it was not on film.
What was his name?
Ryan Griffin.
Ryan Griffin.
I don't know when you say that.
Because he's weird.
He's like, he thinks that he can.
So, all right. He knew we'd ask. I don't know. Have you that. Because he's weird. He's like, he thinks that he can. So, all right.
He knew we'd ask.
I don't know.
Have you talked to Giovanni Bernard yet?
No, but I am tomorrow being arranged.
So how are you going to do that?
How are you going to handle that?
Why don't you give us a preview?
I met with the Buccaneers social team today,
and we kicked some things around.
So it's been a productive trip.
What would you say if Giovanni Bernard said,
hey, this has actually been really offensive to me this whole time?
Well, yeah, I made sure to ask because I've never spoken to him.
Well, he's not Italian.
I thought he'd be pretty cool about it.
He's not Italian.
The Buccaneers' main account has retweeted it.
I feel like I'm having trouble.
Yeah, I mean, he had that mustache at least for a period of time.
Steven, when he sits...
What?
Are we on a Steven Chase soundboard right now?
Yeah, we might.
What is happening?
When he sits in the chair, what are you going to say to him?
Not Italian, but he had the mustache.
He had the mustache, so kind of Italian.
Yeah, I mean, you'd have to kind of see the mustache.
TJ, if you want to pull up his yearbook photo, it's...
Well...
Why don't we just see the mustache?
That's not going to be doing enough.
It's not like a regular mustache.
It's like a perverted Italian one.
You had one in high school?
But I can give you some background on the Brady interview.
So I got credentials and I heard rumors that he could be speaking today.
So I kind of hurried over to the media tent.
And it was kind of a free for all.
Wait, hold on.
Time out.
Yeah, he was.
That guy's Italian.
I'm Italian.
Steven.
Oh, he's always right.
I feel like a broken record apologizing to you at this point, but you were right again.
That's a fucking Italian.
Italian.
Oh, damn it, Steven. That's the most Italian guy
I've ever seen.
Yeah, I know.
Goddammit. The original pitch was Mario,
Luigi, and Bernard.
You did it. Did you do
his name because Giovanni, or
did you do it because of the mustache?
No, I did it way before
he had the mustache, but the mustache kind of
helped.
So this is just Stephen Che helped. So he, yeah.
So this is just Stephen Che winning.
He's constantly winning.
Yep, he just knew.
All right, so go back to your Brady story.
You somehow got credentialed even though you know everyone at the box.
Well, yeah.
It was a shocker that I got credentialed.
All the stars aligned.
Yeah.
Pretty quick presser, eight minutes.
And it was kind of like a free-for-all, and I hadn't been there before.
So everyone kind of records on their own phone, which is a little bit weird,
and then asks questions.
The audio is not great.
It's got the clip from the Buccaneers YouTube.
But, yeah, I kind of blacked out.
I was going to ask him.
I was working with Joey Langone last night
who does the Twitter, the Barstool main Twitter.
Worst guy in the world.
I was asking a question because I was thinking
I was going to ask him something today.
You got public speaking tips from Joey Langone?
Wait, Steven, did you rehearse your line at all?
Did you prepare for it?
I rehearsed a different line i kind of woke up
this morning and i was like oh shit i'm just gonna hit him with that and asking about backfield death
but a guy right before me it's kind of like a free fall there's no like hand raising it's just
kind of like yell um the guy before me asked about leonard fournette i was gonna ask about the
backfield and i asked about the reserves and i got into it but yeah it was great i got the only
smile and laugh out of them all.
Yeah, it was dope.
So it was very cool.
It was an awesome moment.
I mean, I'm happy for you, Steve.
Are you concerned?
Tom Brady looks a little gaunt.
Yeah, his cheekbones are sunken in.
A little plastic surgery.
Is that something you would like to?
He's in great shape.
He looked like a Madame Tussauds figure.
He didn't look good.
He looks great. He kind of looks like the sketch great shape. He looked like a Madame Tussauds figure. He didn't look good. He looks great.
He kind of looks like the sketch of him.
He looked emaciated.
He did.
He looked emaciated.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Steven, are you going to accept what I said so I don't have to say it again?
What did you say?
I said I'm happy for you.
I honestly didn't hear you.
Stop talking for a second.
Let him say it again.
Thank you.
Yeah. Thank you Yeah Thank you
I appreciate it big cat
I want to kill myself
But I'm happy for you
True friend
Yeah it caused
It caused quite a stir
Everyone was
Getting some
Chuckles off of it
So
Glad I could provide some
Is there another angle
Everyone loved it
Everyone loved it
And thought it was funny
It was a stir Is there another angle Where we can see and thought it was funny. It was a stir.
Is there another angle where we can see you on the Bucs YouTube?
Oh, please.
There's not.
There's a better angle where you see him unimpeded,
and then you can kind of hear his voice and my voice clearer.
And I just got it.
Where is that?
I have it on my phone.
I can text you guys if you like.
Tweet it. Text it to it cj uh tweet it yeah
what else are you gonna do when you're at camp
um just kind of enjoy practice tomorrow i might be hanging out with some of the guys in the front
office tonight we'll see if they get around 6 30 i'm going for a uh i met alex guerrero today
um i got a body session at t TB12 at 3 o'clock.
I'm going to have lunch right now at a place.
And, yeah, it should be a good time.
I'm in practice tomorrow.
So, that's going to stop by a radio station, do a hit.
And, yeah, it'll be awesome.
I'm glad I came.
It's Stephen Chay's annual make-a-wish.
You think they might let you –
A lot of pass from Ryan Griffin. What if they let you put pads on in practice
I'm there
I'm not even kidding
the first person in practice
the doors, the parking lot opened at 7
doors were at 7.30
I was in my seat at 7.30
no, that isn't something
you don't have to say I'm not even kidding
you should have just been like I went to practice and been like oh yeah you were definitely the first person there No, that isn't something. You don't have to say I'm not even kidding.
You should have just been like, I went to practice.
You'd have been like, oh, yeah, you were definitely the first person there.
Yeah, no, like our string center.
I guess now he's our second string center because Ryan Johnson got hurt.
He was the first guy taking snaps.
I was loving it.
Just watched him snap the ball, and he was awesome.
Ball's back.
Just living life.
I remember three years ago, we went to the same excursion,
and we devoted two whole episodes of him just meeting Bruce Arians.
Yeah, but remember what we did,
which was actually one of the best pranks we pulled?
No, that's what everybody owned, right?
Yeah, so when he was out at Bucks camp, we had five or six Bucks call in to the yak, and it was awesome. And we're like, well, we have a Bucks superfan, we had like five or six Bucs call in to the yak. It was awesome.
And we're like, well, we have a Bucs super fan, but he's not here today.
That sucks.
Now he's friends with Tom Brady.
Look what we did.
So you have experiences.
They know you.
Two of the faces of two of the biggest sports.
We have Trout, Brady.
He's on LeBron trajectory.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, what happened, Stephen Shea, when you tried to side text Trout?
What?
Oh, wait, what?
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
So he didn't text me back initially, but he did text me this past week
off on the side.
What did he say?
What did you say?
Yeah, just read it.
It kind of takes away from some of the allure, but
I set up the league and I was like,
hey, send me your email.
It was like, you don't have to do it on the group text, so he
sidetexted me his email and then
the bicep emoji or strong emoji.
He sent that to you?
Damn, rest in peace to the allure.
I used to be a Mike Chubb fan.
This isn't crazy anymore.
Yeah, I guess this is normal.
Steven, do you think that, like,
how do you just keep
winning?
I mean, how sweet would it have been
if I went to Pop Punk on
Friday or Saturday. PFT bought
$500 worth of Mega Millions tickets.
We could have literally, he said he was going to split
with everyone there, and I actually got to verify
and read the tickets. Had that
one, then I would have been ultimate winning.
What?
You had a good weekend, but he didn't win
the billion. Also, the way that you frame that, you're like, we were pretty close.
Yeah, like $500 was in a significant percentage chance.
One in a billion lottery.
Did I ever tell you guys that time we almost won Mega Millions?
PFT put $500 in it.
We could have easily won.
What was that laugh?
Were you laughing with us?
He's laughing down at us.
You said they
sympathy laugh. All the guys
let you read all of them to make sure
they gave you that privilege.
He looked around the room and he was like,
he does have a condescending laugh now, guys.
He can't be beaten.
He made Tom Brady laugh.
The robot has,
the experiment has gone way too far.
It's over.
He's beaten all of us.
Like, this Giovanni Bernard thing
is the most,
that right there,
like, that's the most
Italian guy I've ever seen.
You're so right.
You're going to have to kill him.
That's the thing,
he says these things
that sound so wrong
in the moment,
and then he's right every time.
Stevie, can you hit us with the original script for what you're going to say?
Yeah, hold on.
Let me find my text.
One sec.
We'll just be over here.
By the way, update, Nick.
Originally, I was going to ask.
Save the interview.
Tom, Stephen, Jay, Barstool Sports.
Many people out there are saying you came out of retirement
because I pledged you the TB12 method for a year.
I know with the Brady 4, you're a big defend the wall guy.
The Bucs haven't won in Germany since the Berlin Wall came down.
Are you looking forward to ending that streak this year versus the Seahawks?
You had like a stand-up set.
Yeah, it's too long.
Yeah, you made the right move.
You wouldn't have, yeah.
I kind of blacked out.
I didn't even remember
our third-string running back's name,
and he was part of the question.
Luckily, I got it out, and it hit.
Erlenwald would have been nice.
You weren't playing the Jays.
It's going to be all of our bosses
in three years.
It's going to be Chan Fasoli.
It's...
Yeah, yeah.
Man is just...
He can't be...
Laugh. I know it's laugh.
He can't be beat.
No.
Can't be beat.
And I don't know if he's good at predicting trends
or if when he says them, they happen.
He becomes the trend, I feel like.
I don't know if he's omnipotent.
It's something divine.
Yeah.
He's been touched by God.
Yeah.
Or he is.
Or he is God.
I think it's more likely he is God.
How disappointing is that for you, Brandon?
I always suspect.
Stephen Chay is Jesus Christ coming back to Earth.
He just got sidetracked by a fascination with the NFL.
Yeah.
Like, oh, he was supposed to convert everyone. That could happen. Yeah, right. Like, Jesus gets here? Yeah. Oh, he was supposed to convert everyone.
That could happen. Yeah, right.
Oh, fuck, I was supposed to rapture.
Oh, shit, but the Bucs had a good draft pick that year.
We'll push it back a bit.
He was supposed to be hidden in plain sight as a
loser Bucs fan.
I bet he'd have winners, though.
Yeah, but maybe we should write this movie.
Stephen Chay is Jesus.
He just gets into football.
He forgot to do what he was supposed to do.
There's less believable offshoots of Christianity.
Yeah, that's true.
That's a great point.
Stephen Chay is God.
Fuck.
Hey, when's Saturday?
It is a movie, though.
Saturday is coming up, whatever, it would be like September 7th or something.
I mean, that will help us a little.
The day before the season.
Yeah.
That always doesn't go Stephen Chay's way.
It does, though.
No, but it doesn't.
It does in his mind.
It does in his mind.
Okay, Stephen, anything else?
I mean.
I'm liking any publicity.
It's good publicity, guys, so it's all good.
No, that's a congratulations on the part of my cheesesteak.
He's looking down on you. No, that's a congratulations on the part of my cheesesteak. He's looking down on you.
Yeah, that little thing.
Yeah, I was with Tom Brady, but congrats on the sandwich.
What's that little sandwich thing you guys are doing?
Just patting me on the head.
It's a big announcement.
It's huge.
It's huge news.
So, yeah, everybody's winning today.
Steven, when you're with Alex Guerrero,
you should ask him if he feels bad about giving false hope
to those people dying of cancer.
No, no, no.
When he said he could cure them.
No, no.
What?
What?
No?
If you're sick of watching more successful higher-level fighting,
the PFL playoffs begin Friday, August 5th from the Hulu Theater.
You could watch those, Nick. You see about that?
Yeah, I did see about that. I'm excited about it too.
Fighters must win or go home
to continue in the million dollar journey
to the PFL World Championship. Did you know that,
Owen? I did. Kyle, can you tell me
about Showtime Pettis fight? It's not a tournament.
It's not a knockout.
Anthony Showtime Pettis takes center
stage in a guaranteed fireworks rematch versus Stevie Ray,
plus the lightweight and light heavyweight division semifinals
and qualifying matches for the 2023 PFL season roster will take place.
All right, all in unison.
Call to action.
The action begins live at 6 p.m. Eastern on ESPN+.
ESPN+.
Continues with the main card at 7 p.m. Eastern on ESPN+.
ESPN+.
Put a little verve in it.
6 p.m. Friday, ESPN+.
They got the undercard.
It's not a tournament.
Did you say verve?
It's even you. Yeah, some verve. Did you say Verve? It's Steven.
Yeah, some Verve.
What did you do?
Some Verve.
You didn't want to ask Alex Guerrero that question on my behalf?
A little Verve in it, Steven.
I did not.
I'll pass on that one.
But I miss you guys.
I'm looking forward to seeing you guys.
He just chose the word pass on.
That's what he is.
Yeah.
Shuffling us off?
No, he is.
He just skated.
All right.
Get out of your hair.
All right.
I'm going gonna let you
go guys give me a little show to do oh all right yeah love you congrats
he's incredible he is incredible he is the most like you know you helped create this. Oh, I mean, I had a big part in creating the monster.
In private conversations, I have encouraged Stephen Che every step of the way.
And now we're here, and I'm like, why did I do that?
He's going to become so much bigger than you for so long that we're going to forget there was a time it was flipped. Did I ever tell you guys?
I mean, I think I've said this before, but the reason why he's the Yak producer,
he came up to me and asked me,
and I was like, yeah, whatever, dude.
And for the first six months, I actually kind of hated him
because I didn't understand his brain.
And I was like, this guy just annoys me all the time.
And then it unlocked, and I was like, whoa, he's a shooting star.
He's a special human
god damn god just keeps winning yeah i just don't like what's next
world i really think he'd make a good dictator like if he ran for president he's got up yeah
i think eventually we could see a world where it's flipped and he's sitting at the stage answering questions
and Tom Brady is asking.
He plays in the NFL?
I don't know how it ends up going,
but I think he could end up being bigger than Brady.
Have you guys watched the rehearsal with Nathan Field?
Yes.
Just finished it yesterday.
I haven't watched the new episode,
but Stephen Chay is that guy in the second episode
where he's like, what's your dream?
He's like, to play in the NBA. He's 30 years old that guy in the second episode. He's like, what's your dream? He's like, to play in the NBA.
He's 30 years old.
That's Stephen Chay.
He's like, my dream?
To play in the NFL.
Stephen hasn't ruled out getting out there and turning some heads tomorrow.
Oh, he would put on pads and just get demolished.
Probably not.
He'd probably make a great play.
Actually, could you pull some strings and get him in some pads tomorrow?
I think Stephen is losing interest in the Bucs because he's bigger than them.
I think he would give the cold shoulder to some of the backups.
Oh, you're right.
Don't waste my time.
He's a starters-only guy now.
Even like a quarterback coach, don't waste my time.
Although he did say he got there and the third string center was snapping
at 730 this morning, and it was the best thing he'd ever seen.
Yeah, it was awesome.
Yeah.
Do you think when he signs an extension
here, like Schefter will tweet it?
That would be it.
Probably. That would be amazing.
The whole
thing is just...
Anything else? What did anybody ask?
I'm going to be
staying at your dance house.
Oh, one last thing.
That's gay.
With the PFL.
No, can't wait.
Do check it out. It is actually our good friend Loud Sean, I think, works there now.
Oh.
All the more reason.
Supporting our boy.
Nice.
This is just, you know, I mean, there's nothing better than a fight night.
Right here in the neighborhood.
Yeah, Friday, August 5th from the Hulu Theater, Madison Square Garden.
So it's at 6 p.m. on ESPN Plus and the main card 7 p.m. on ESPN.
It's basically, you know, guys who are climbing up the ranks.
Going to be great.
That's the best part about the Fight League is it doesn't really matter what level you're at.
It's going to be exciting.
Someone's getting knocked out.
I'll guarantee a knockout. Yeah? Just did getting knocked out. I'll guarantee a knockout.
Yeah?
Just did.
Cat guarantee.
Guarantee a knockout.
PFL.
Friday night.
Yeah, the rehearsal was almost too painful.
We're trying to cancel Nathan Fielder now for being manipulative.
Which is ridiculous.
The entire genre of reality TV is significantly worse than that show.
To see the preparation for that, how he lands.
The trivia player, how do you find him?
He was so good.
Well, did you see how vague the postings were?
Yeah, they were very vague.
And they were on Craigslist.
How many shots did he have to take?
Only a super weird person is that's catching your eye.
How much did they film before they landed on this guy?
I'd bet a lot.
A year's worth?
No one's...
He's been out for a while.
The ending scene was demonic.
It was horrifying.
And no one's on Craigslist anymore.
So it's like you can find...
It has to be weird.
Which one?
Of the pilot?
Yeah, when the guy became demonic.
You see his eyes when he found out Nathan fed him the answers?
Yeah.
Yes.
It was scary.
Yes.
And the other two, they're just so painfully uncomfortable.
I missed you guys a lot.
Yeah, how was your vacation?
It was good.
Threw out a first pitch.
You guys see that?
Was it your first real vacation?
Big deal.
Yeah.
92.
It was fast. Shot a 72 at Shinnecock. Shot a 72 at Shinnecock. Was it your first real vacation? Oh, big deal. 92.
It's fast.
Shot a 72 at Shinnecock.
Shot a 72 at Shinnecock.
Was this your first real vacation with the little kids?
No, we've... Oh, the beginning of July, too.
No, I mean, it's not a vacation.
With both, with both.
When you're with them, it's not a vacation.
It's work.
It's work.
It's just same thing, just a nicer
location.
It's sad that, yeah, families, that's the
highlight of their year, and
they get to the point, and it's not a highlight.
Oh, it's a trip. Vacation is no kids.
It's not really a vacation for the kids until they're
like six, but when they get six, they're
six or seven.
You had some tick issues, didn't you?
Yeah, dude. I killed 11 ticks.
One day I pulled six off of myself.
I don't have any tick memories.
I don't know if I've ever had one.
How many ticks do you think slid through?
I got them all.
I hope so.
It was bad. There was just one day he came in from
the woods and there were six.
One was on a mole in his armpit.
How do you find that? That's where I found my tic.
I just kept on looking.
You have to search your boy.
Do you ever hear that country song?
It's a little sexy. Oh yeah.
I'd like to check you for tics.
Brad Paisley.
I felt like a superhero though
because for the rest of the week my son was just like
remember when you took those bugs off me?
I'm like, you fucking are right, I did.
That's scary as shit, though.
So scary.
I'm super paranoid about that shit.
Yeah, and I think they were the baby ticks, which are very bad.
Soon, you're going to have to rip them off, feed them right back to your son.
Yeah, eventually.
He will be eating the bugs.
Spill his lunch.
Oh, man, your lunch is going to be fine.
Here we go.
Were you nervous?
Because any filmed first pitch is still nerve-wracking. Also, the white your lunch game is time. Here we go. Were you nervous? Because any filmed
first pitch is still
nerve-wracking.
Also, the white shoes?
Yeah.
On the dirt?
Yeah, that was
fucking heat.
Good velocity.
That was heat.
That was brutal.
You played it like
it was a little casual.
You didn't go too hard.
It was very fun because
it was outside of the
What league is this?
It's the...
Great thing.
Look at that.
It's the...
I don't know what league.
It was...
It's like, you know, single A, Sag Harbor League.
It won the championship.
So I went on Thursday.
My nephew's like obsessed with baseball.
So I was like, all right, we'll go to this game.
It's right down the street.
And my kids were napping and the game just wasn't happening.
So I was like, well, fuck.
So I followed Sag Harbor Whalers to see when their next game was.
And within like two minutes, they're like, hey, you want to throw out the first pitch tomorrow?
I was like, fuck it.
There was like 50 people there.
It was kind of fun.
And then I also, I gave a speech to the team and they ended up winning the championship two days later.
What?
What was your speech?
What was the speech?
So the coach was like, remember, guys, play our game.
Anyone who puts down a perfect bunt, I'll give you $50.
And then I came in and I was like, fuck that.
If you hit a dinger, I'll give you $200.
Calls you any money?
I'm a Sag Harbor whaler as of yesterday.
I don't know if you guys saw.
I shot a 72 at Shinnecock.
It's like anything is possible.
Yeah, why don't you clap it up for that?
Also, I did something a little mean that I feel a little bad about.
I'll take care of the leadoff batter.
I got something for him when he gets up.
So when I got there, I was like, so tell me about the other team.
They're like, we don't like them.
Their leadoff batter's got like 500,000 followers on TikTok,
and he's like one of those pretty boys.
Yeah.
Oh, I hate him too.
So he got up to bat first, obviously, in the game.
I was standing right behind home plate, and I just go, hey, dude,
I saw your TikTok.
We're never going to hire you.
And then he literally hits me.
I felt a little...
I think he struck out, and I was just like,
that was a little too much.
This is like a 19-year-old kid, but I had to do it
because I'm a Sag Harbor fan.
He asked me, and I was like, yeah, I got it.
I'll take care of it.
He's a whaler for life.
Make him tougher.
As it was coming out of my mouth, I was like,
this is kind of fun.
I was like, yeah, Dave, we both looked at your TikTok.
Dave will never, ever hire you.
So I ruined that kid's life.
But other than that, great vacation.
If one kid's life gets ruined, that's fine.
He's a hot body.
Is he a hot body?
Jay just texted me, none of them have Super Bowl rings, LOL.
About your players, about your story.
Yeah, yeah, it was cool you were interacting with athletes, too.
It's too much now.
It's too much.
God damn it.
Wheel?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, wheel.
I want to yak for a while today.
Yeah, I'd be down.
Yeah.
And nothing.
Fucking Che.
Oh, so we got to do Iowa KB's Wild.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Want everyone to be here.
I haven't been here.
Let me ask some questions.
Double Ritz, I know what that is.
I don't know what Le Bernardini is.
That's Roan's Punishment.
What is that?
Which can be perceived as a non-punishment.
Very expensive French restaurant with him.
It's like eight places.
Five star.
That's Eric Repair's place. I think it's with Nate as well.
It's $450 a person.
I believe Rowan's plan would be not to show up.
You have to do the whole meal?
You have to eat everything.
What's Monster Dip?
I don't know what Monster Rip was.
Sass killed Monster Rip.
He's like, I don't want to smoke.
And then, so we made it Monster Dip.
And if you get it, you can kind of choose.
You can either do a Monster Dip tobacco.
You can eat an entire jar of queso during the show.
Did you dip in the Hudson River or something?
Yep.
Dip in the Hudson River.
You could put an irresponsible amount of money on the stock market.
Yeah.
Is there a dip right now?
Oh, there's a lot of things you could do with that.
All right.
Very good.
I don't like to wait 24 hours fast just hanging out there by itself.
Yep.
And when is Roan wearing his cast?
He's going to Europe with his father.
I think he wanted to time it up for before or after.
It's a Europe-going motherfucker.
Yeah.
I can't wait for his cast.
The cast will rule.
Does he deserve that?
Double Ritz.
Did we have to wait to get Patty the Batty involved?
We owe one of those.
Are we just doing a standard?
We owe a Ritz.
We owe a double Ritz.
We owe a double Ritz.
You weren't here.
We owe one because we hit it.
A Ritz, a Wild.
We got one.
That's not how it works with any other things.
Oh, you should have done it.
How do we do double Ritz without the person who chews it?
It's chewed by Kyle.
That's true.
We didn't do Kibby's Wild either because Kyle wasn't here.
We didn't do double ritz because Kyle was.
Do wet.
Well, Kyle doesn't need to administer wet.
Yes, he does.
We wet it on credit.
Kyle administers wet all the time.
He does.
You been getting any ass?
Stop.
We'll do that hour two.
Okay.
Hour two.
Ass talk. KB ass. I'm curious. You that hour two. Hour two. Ass talk.
I'm curious.
You've been fucking but not well.
You've been giving
mid ass.
Yeah.
I'll turn it around. That's ass.
It doesn't really matter how good
it is. You haven't been responding to your parents.
The guy. But on Do Not Disturb.
Well, they've been texting me.
Oh, no.
Did they really?
Yeah, I'll talk to you about it later.
I forgot.
I didn't know that feature.
I forgot I had it.
Well, your Do Not Disturb just means he gets disturbed.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was, what was it, two hours and my mom texted you?
She said she hadn't talked to you for days.
It wasn't like I was ignoring her.
It was just how the-
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I don't want to put her on blast,
but she does do something weird.
Yeah, please do.
She uses black emojis.
He does.
Why?
You have to manually change that.
Yeah, I don't know.
I swear.
I remember the first time she did it,
I was like...
You have to actually go in and...
My knee-jerk reaction was to call her out,
and I was like,
no, I'm going to see how long this goes.
I don't want to dox her,
so let's not... She uses black, yeah.
That's a black emoji.
How does she switch?
Her grandchild is a black boy.
Sure.
So it's his hand?
But you still have to go in and make that manual.
So when she's talking about him, maybe she uses it?
She tries to justify it?
Your nephew's a black boy?
He's a black boy.
So why haven't you used that before?
To justify my racism?
Yeah.
Like, I have a, my nephew's a my one of my favorite nephews is black my only nephew is a black boy yeah that's a fucking mean to dox him
but i'm gonna be able to find him now oh that's very funny that she does that good for her yeah
but you like i just yeah just i use the default mom if you're listening that is extremely weird That's very funny that she does that. Good for her. Yeah, but I just...
I use the default.
Mom, if you're listening, that is extremely weird.
Don't do that to other people.
Plot me off guard.
Keep doing it.
Yeah, I don't know.
You want to hear what she said?
Yes, I do.
Yes?
No.
I haven't heard from Kyle in days.
I texted him, but he's not responding.
Do you know if he's all right?
Maybe his phone is dead,
or maybe he's tripping on mushrooms.
Black, like this thing.
And then I said,
I'm sure it's the former.
His phone's never charged.
I heard from him today.
Black thumbs up.
Which is more meaningful than regular thumbs up.
Black thumbs up is much more meaningful.
The time frame was 7.30
to 10.
She said days?
She said she hasn't heard from you in days.
I wasn't ignoring her for days.
I don't have her number saved too, so I thought I was
texting. I didn't know who I was texting because of the emoji.
Yeah.
This is almost getting weird.
You're texting his mom, I'm texting your dad.
Yeah.
Whoa.
How about it?
I like this.
I text one of your parents, Kate.
And I'm raising Kyle's black nephew.
Yeah, you are.
Yeah.
He would appreciate that.
And this is my black nephew.
Ah.
I'm at your desk every day.
Okay.
Oh, that's Kyle's black nephew.
Kyle?
Here we go.
All right, let's spin the wheel.
We've had bad luck with the wheel.
You have.
I have.
We're chilling.
Yeah, I'm going to do the KB's Wild when everyone is here.
I want everyone here.
So we'll have to just figure out when that is.
Should be soon, though, right?
I have Grit Week next week.
Are you guys going somewhere?
Next week, no.
Have you announced where Grit Week is yet?
I think we've alluded to it.
It's going to be Colorado.
I think we're going to maybe even do an Everest equivalent.
Oh, no way.
So you guys will have to congratulate me on that.
Are you going to take a sass as your guide?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think.
I miss sass, though.
Me too.
He's been having a nightmare time trying to get out of St. Louis, it looks like.
Oh.
Stuck there for quite some time.
Yeah, he was there for 11 hours.
Did he get fucked on Saturday night?
Seemed like he was about to get fucked.
By an airline or with a woman?
By the dude.
He was texting us.
We should probably save that story for him to tell.
Yeah, but he was
texting us and I think we were all laughing
but it didn't seem funny.
I met a coin owner in Nashville who didn't have his coin on him.
Yes.
Well, then why does he own the coin if he's not going to carry it everywhere?
He didn't think he was going to bump into old Nicky.
Did you see my close call?
I had that guy outside.
Yeah.
There was a guy who was waiting outside with a coin, and I went out like an hour later,
and he must have been gone, but another guy came up to me and was like clearly waiting and I was like oh no
and he didn't have a coin
I was like oh thank god I don't have to kiss you
we got tagged in a photo it was from across
the street but it was just of our building our office
building and it was someone like waiting for
you boys yeah that is legal
I was like it's good to be me
it's good to be me
he had it resting on his hard cock
we're going with a cheek kiss?
Are we going full lips kiss?
Lip.
It's a lip peck.
Lip peck.
It can't be an event.
It's in the eye of the coin holder.
Yeah.
There can't be a graphic saying where we are.
Yeah.
It can't be an event that everyone knows we're going to be at.
That does not count.
F catches in the wild.
F catches in the wild.
If that guy had his coin on him, Nick, where you were, that would have been acceptable.
Oh, yeah.
I would have been kissing the man.
Yes, yes.
Okay.
Does your dad have a coin?
Yeah.
I said he had like 10.
He bought a lot.
We have 70 more that we have to release.
Maybe we'll release it when we do KB's Wild.
Is that a 100K release thing?
100K subscribers?
Oh, yes.
That's right.
That's what it is.
Yes, yes, yes.
How close are we?
96.9.
We slowed down.
We got to pick it up.
Everyone, please subscribe.
If you're watching it right now, subscribe.
I assume everyone watching it right now is subscribed, but subscribe.
New merch soon.
Make burners.
Yeah, new merch.
Subscribe from there.
You don't care if it's fake.
Everybody should be subscribed for it.
If any of you are in high school, just get all your classmates to log in, subscribe.
A teacher.
Anybody in school right now?
If anyone works in a Chinese bot farm.
Yeah.
Some idiots in school right now.
Some dummies.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely Yak fans in school right now.
Summer school, yeah.
Oh, 100%.
Without a doubt.
Have to be.
What podcast do you think has the smartest fan base?
Probably that, whatever, the New York Times one, The Daily.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I thought you meant here.
What about here?
Here.
Sam Harris.
Here.
Twisted History.
What are you talking about?
It's clearly OnlyFans with Glennie Ball.
Oh, yeah, it is.
Did you see He Doesn't Like Vaginas?
What?
There was a clip yesterday he said it's not for him.
That's all they can be.
Vaginas? As a whole, literally.
Thoughts?
He just hacked a way to only get blowjobs?
I mean, I...
I think he just gets Nuru massages.
Hooking up with a girl, he's like,
oh, no, no, no, put that thing away.
Your mouth will be just fine.
You want me to do what with my what?
Which is hard for Clay.
Did he also have a moment where he congratulated
one of the OnlyFans girls for being pregnant?
And she was like, I'm not.
What?
What?
I heard that.
Someone said that.
Oh, God.
I don't know if you can find that clip, TJ.
I'm pretty sure that happened.
That has to be a pretty severe visual to audio drop off.
Yeah.
Amongst platforms. Yeah. to audio drop off. Yeah. Amongst platforms.
Yeah.
But definitely.
Yeah.
You got the one lady to hear the titties.
Dicks are where it's at.
Yeah, that was nice.
That clip was going viral.
Probably a big comfort to a lot of fellas.
Me.
Yep.
Yep.
I feel like that, though.
Like, no, it's not true that it's like when girls are like, I want a dad bod. And then when they're saying that, they're like... No, it's not true. Girls just say that. It's like when girls are like, I want a dad bod.
And when they're saying that, they're like talking about Chris Pratt.
Yeah.
That's not what a dad bod is.
No.
And a small dick is probably, what, average?
Yeah.
J.J. Watt posted a picture with him shirtless because he's about to have a kid and he's like, dad bod loading.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Brandon gained 15 pounds in one month. Easily. That's a dad bod. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Ran and gained 15 pounds in one month.
Easily. That's a dad bod.
Fucking easily.
All I had to do was not
move and eat a lot.
Because you don't walk in any...
When I go home, my daily steps
are in the 30s. You don't have to walk at all.
You can drive and you can park.
Wonderful.
A lot of parking.
A lot of catfish. A lot of parking. Catfish?
Yeah.
Huh?
You eating catfish?
A lot of catfish.
I had it blackened.
I had it fried.
I had it not blackened.
I had a lot of catfish.
Nice.
You got Kyle Nephew'd.
You sent me a lot of blackened catfish.
I don't want that to be mine.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's the last one.
Barstool needs it.
We have a pizza guy. I don't want to be the black. We have the OnlyFans guy. I don't want that to be mine. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's the last one. Bar still needs it. We have a pizza guy.
I don't want to be the black uncle guy.
We have the OnlyFans guy.
I don't want to be the black nephew guy.
No, I'm proud of it, and I enjoy the label.
I don't want to be the black uncle guy.
Well, you're a white uncle.
You're a white uncle of a black boy.
You're a white uncle of a black boy.
I think I could say I'm a black uncle.
Uncle of a black boy.
You're a girl, dad.
I'm a black uncle.
Yeah, I guess you are. That's a good point. I kind of, I will, you can call a black uncle. Uncle of a black uncle. You're a girl, dad. I'm a black uncle. Yeah, good point.
I kind of, I will, you can call me black uncle.
Uncle Kyle.
That's, oh, I'm so jealous.
Wow.
You did nothing, too.
That's the best part.
There had to be some type of butterfly effect trajectory that I did to
cause that to happen.
It's a title earned.
You did something.
Oh, man.
Ever since you were young, you wanted to be a black
uncle. I think of the first
time when I knew I wanted to be.
I grew up.
I don't want to be a white uncle.
I want to be a firefighter and a black uncle.
Okay.
Oh, man.
What else we got?
I don't know. We're going to have to find more.
We're going to blaze through black uncle stuff.
That has legs.
That will be recurring.
Wait. We have to talk about
Mincy's tweet yesterday.
He's not here today. He's grieving. Wait. We have to talk about Mincy's tweet yesterday. Oh, yeah.
He's not here today. He's grieving.
Oh, he's grieving.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Or Mincy.
Who died?
Bill Russell.
Oh.
You might know him.
I imagine they played poker together.
He won 11 championships from civil rights, but most people know him from being born in
the same hometown as Ben Mintz.
Oh.
Monroe.
How did he eulogize Bill?
You didn't see it?
No.
Pull up the tweet.
Yeah.
Did they play poker together once?
No.
Just RIP to the basketball legend born in my hometown of Monroe, Louisiana.
My hometown.
He's the best.
The guy can't miss.
My.
Yeah.
It's just.
We're going to continue this.
We're going to keep going.
Brandon.
Mincy is the king of the south.
Won the Takey Award.
He did.
Thank you.
Won that.
How long did it take you to convince me to do that video?
Only like maybe 10 minutes, 15 minutes.
Yes.
It was a little bit of prodding.
You weren't totally into it.
Was it?
No.
No.
But he is the king of the south.
That's great.
He does everything.
That's great.
I feel like I'm on tour with him.
His reviews.
His reviews are cool.
Yeah.
And, yeah.
Goes to concerts.
It's easy to, you know, be here in our four walls safe.
We haven't brought it to the people.
That's true.
It would be great.
I feel like Mincy's like. No, I'm breaking out. Don't do the extreme close-up on me,
TJ. I know you love extreme close-up.
I'm stressed out.
Yeah, that's tough
when you have a bad face day.
Ben Mintz is going to be like,
I'm thinking about doing sex reviews.
Nick and I,
we have weird...
We're doing another type of review. Yeah, we think there's an untapped market. We'll talk about it later. we have a weird... We have another type of review.
Yeah, we think there's an untapped market.
We'll talk about it later.
We have a video.
And men's sex reviews, though.
Marstool's going to have to find me some hot women.
He reviews all the smoke shows.
Personally.
Doesn't talk about them at all I was really well
Almost five minutes
Great come
Yeah very happy to have you guys here
So appreciate breaking bread
Congratulations on baby number two on the way by the way wait what don't you
have a baby coming on the way no I'm not pregnant
I looked at your Instagram last night you posted like
on April 7th said baby number two
oh I think it was a reference to
my dog it was a joke no it's a reference
to your sister no it's I
had a photo with the dog and I wrote baby number two
April 7th it said
baby number two I was like oh let me congratulate you
it's gonna be a nice new start wait can we see the picture if it was obvious April 7th it said baby number two. I was like, oh, let me congratulate him. He and Ralphie the pup.
Wait, can we see the picture if it was obvious?
Oh my God.
That hurt me to watch.
That hurt me to watch.
That's great.
That wasn't even like mid-interview.
That was the first session.
I was jerking off to your OnlyFans.
Was that a baby bump?
Yeah.
What's going on?
Even during times where I've been like 99% certain someone is very pregnant, as a woman
even, I can't bring myself to be like, oh, are you just like never.
There has to literally be a baby coming out of the vagina to be like, congrats on the
pregnancy.
My wife.
She's delivering?
Yeah.
Are you?
Is that a, no, that's a shit.
Okay, never mind.
My wife was in a restaurant once and saw a woman with a baby
and she said, is this your grandchild?
It wasn't.
It's just the child?
It was a similar
occurrence.
Yikes.
I saw Kyle with a black boy and I was like, who's this?
What the?
No way
She has a new Instagram post
From April 7th
Really
Although her Instagram
Might have been deleted
Between now and then
So
Well it led people
To think she was having a baby
Because of all the
And that was her husband
Next to her
Adam 22
Yeah
Yikes
What's that like
Having a husband
They do a podcast
Where they interview a porn star
And then have sex with them
Really
I heard this So yeah It's on OnlyFans It ripped off Ben Mintz Yeah What the fuck They do a podcast where they interview a porn star and then have sex with them. Really?
It's on OnlyFans.
They ripped off Ben Mintz.
What the fuck?
It's like a 20-minute interview and then a 20-minute sex scene.
They post it?
On OnlyFans.
How do you know?
My mic's muted.
DJ, you talk.
They interview first and then fuck.
That has to be a little tense yeah
or awkward
well I think you have to get through
the awkwardness
to get to the fucking right
right
how many times
have they done this
apparently a lot
I think that she has
the exact number
hold on
I think that should reverse the order
wait wait
because they have their own podcast
where she interviews someone
and then she fucks them
that's what
they have multiple
they each have multiple podcasts
this one specifically
involves having sex with the guest.
That's what Glennie's ideal
is. Is it always a girl?
Does it vary?
It's always a girl.
Oh, it's always a girl.
Okay. Alright.
Cool. That's not fair.
Okay.
Hard of my takes been doing that for years.
All of our guests. Efron was nice. You were gid Mintz's album. Pardon My Take's been doing that for years. Yeah. All of our guests.
Efron was nice.
You were giddy, Efron Week.
Real nice.
Why do you think we only have one woman on Pardon My Take every year?
Yeah.
Just a little bone, yeah.
Guys being dudes.
What's he doing?
Yeah, he's been pacing.
Yeah, yeah
He's a goofy dude
Is that Coleman?
That's Coleman
He's a goofy dude
He's a real goofball
Yeah
He's a total goofball
He's a delight
I haven't seen my sister in six weeks
Really?
Caitlyn!
Caitlyn
Sis!
Brandon's back
I haven't even talked to her today
I forgot she was here
What the fuck?
Is she good at her job?
I don't know Here she is, yeah People say she was here. What the fuck? Is she good at her job? I don't know.
Here she is, yeah.
People say she's great.
He fucking saved us.
He did save us.
Really?
What happened?
The flight got canceled.
We had to give it quick.
Wait, why were you guys, where were you guys, and what were you doing?
Chattanooga doing an outdoors video with Sydney.
And then we drove up to Nashville.
It went well.
And we drove up to see Will Compton.
Nice.
Did he take his cock out?
You can't really take it out.
It's true.
You kind of remove the cover.
You just unveil it.
He's never been in anything.
Speaking of ticks.
No, it is small.
Little tick, tick Compton.
He said that weighed on him for a little bit.
Really?
Because it's true.
There's trauma all over Case Race 2.
It's best to get it far away from Case Race.
Yeah, but ours was that we were drunk.
His is that he has a small dick.
Yeah, that's true.
He can't do anything about it.
We got sober.
He woke up with that.
He was actually the best drunk here.
Can't get veneers for your cock, Will.
When's your birthday, Owen?
October 23rd.
So that's the next one?
I believe so.
Yeah, no one else has a birthday before then?
No.
Pat's is next week.
Well, we also have one more thing to plan.
Who's Pat?
Pat?
At K-Pat?
Oh, but he's...
What is that?
I don't know. We just want to do another case race. Okay. We have a Tommy Walker day to plan. Who's Pat? At K-Pat? Oh, but he's... What is that? I don't know.
We just want to do
another case race.
Okay.
We have a Tommy Walker
date of plan.
Oh.
Yes.
We got to do it bigger.
Are we going to do the thing
where we fake kidnap him
this time?
No, I don't want to fake
kidnap him.
Oh, okay.
All right.
All right.
I was just asking.
I want to get him a gun.
Yeah.
Again, I think it should
either be his last kid's
birthday or his first man
birthday.
Oh, okay.
That's what I want to do.
What about last kids?
What about both?
Oh, there's an alarm that goes off.
The first hour kid.
Yeah, we transition.
The first hour man.
Starts slowly.
Clowns and strippers.
Bar mitzvah.
Is there anybody?
He's got to do a task.
Becomes a man?
And you walk on cold.
You got to kill a bear or something?
No, we should do an episode of that movie Boyhood. Like we should start
the episode where we're all in diapers. Bridged.
Yeah. And then we just slowly get
older. Every ten minutes is a year.
Yes. How great would that be?
Just like reading applesauce
and shitting our pants. Yeah.
We get older as we go. I do
like the bar mitzvah though.
Yeah, of course you do. Tommy, I think
it would be if we just held a real bar mitzvah,
invited a bunch of Jewish people
and see if they could...
We did that for a non-Jewish kid?
He's 12.
Let's do it next year.
Can we get him a black counterpart
of similar age?
Do we have one of those?
We could probably find one.
A nephew.
Let's do as many coming of age.
We'll have a quinceanera for him.
Yeah.
That's 15, isn't it?
And for girls.
Yeah.
Feminine.
Let's do it. Yeah, we'll christen him, right? it? Yeah. And for girls. Yeah. Feminine. Let's do it.
Yeah, we'll christen them, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I think that's for babies.
Yeah, right.
We're doing all of them.
We're going to do everything you do to a kid.
We're going to do it to them.
Yeah.
And we got to give him his last rites.
Yep.
Ah.
Yep.
Kill him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're doing every age.
Reborn.
Boyhood.
Reborn.
Being reborn as a man.
Yes.
Should think of something to do.
Maybe we get like a...
He's growing out his hair into a mullet, and I don't know if I like it.
Oh, I love it.
I told him, I told him, I said, I told him, you can't have any dominion over your hair
until you're like 12.
And then he got to 12, and he's like, I'm not doing my hair anymore.
What if we did like a cocoon butterfly type of thing where we put him in a big plastic bag,
and if he doesn't get out, the butterfly never gets born?
Yeah, you're right.
He stays a pupa.
Or like roll him up at a carpet real tight, and he's got to-
He's got to get out.
Human burrito.
Yeah, human burrito.
Can we give him a hoop earring?
Can we pierce his ear?
Why does it always come down to like killing him?
No, we're not going to kill him.
Well, is he strong enough to get out of the plastic bag?
I don't know that he is.
Okay, well then, yeah, it would kill him.
He's got swords.
But that wouldn't be us killing him.
That would be his own lack of strength.
We're going to put swords in there with him?
Is he still into swords?
Huge into swords.
Very cool.
Flamethrower?
Huh?
Should we get him a flamethrower?
Eh.
Dirt bike.
We can get him a dirt bike.
That would kill him.
Like, in seconds.
What about, like, a crossbow?
Crossbow would work.
We could do that.
I like that.
Jump out of an airplane?
Do you have a crossbow
in Midtown Manhattan?
I don't think so.
Sure someone does.
Did you guys see the post?
The NYPD was like
we're cracking down on
gel blasters.
Gel blasters.
Yeah.
Yeah, big time.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
Contraband. They're doing a buyback. Okay. Yeah, big time uh-oh. Uh-oh. Contraband. They're doing a buyback.
Yeah, yeah.
Get an Aaron Hernandez jersey.
Kate, Jon Stewart,
that reaction was wild.
Yeah, it was super nice.
Yeah, New Zero Blog 30 is out. We interviewed Jon Stewart who is just a hero of mine.
He's one of the genuinely good people
and it's a really good interview. It's only like
15 minutes long. Highly recommend checking it checking it out hey what was the clip i started on the
on my way in i gotta finish it yeah what was the clip where he brought you up so when i first got
out of the marine corps i moved to new york city and um i was going to fordham and they had a
program at the daily show it was like his second to last season where if you were a veteran, you could come. It was like a crash course in media and comedy, basically, where I would go
over to the Daily Show every week and you would sit through, like I would be sitting in the
writer's room. And this is like at the peak of the show, really. And I would sit in the writer's
room from morning till when they shot the show that night. And you could walk around the whole
studio and like, maybe I'm interested in like taking the camera guy route. And you could talk to the camera
people, you could even talk to whoever ran the teleprompter, there's like a union, and like any
aspect of like, media production, comedy, anything you wanted to, you could just shadow whoever you
wanted that day. And it was my whole last semester at Fordham. And then when it ended, they had a job
fair. And the job fair was like, it was was almost like speed dating but it was like in the actual studio so I interviewed with like the
history channel like right I sat like in the chair that he does the show from and I like had an
interview right there but because of that and he would come in in the evenings like he would be
carrying a whole stack of pizzas and he would just sit down and have pizza with you and talk to you
and like it's all it's just like the coolest experience ever and it was the writers there that were like
because I wanted to get into comedy but I was like I have no idea how and they were like well here's
where you can start finding open mics here's some advice for you and I started doing like stand-up
and improv and um a sketch team me and the other vets some of the other vets formed like a sketch
team that we would go around the city um but it was because of that that I thought well maybe I
can do this like as a living like because I thought i was too old it was too late like
but it was because of that show i think that like i wound up wasn't a perfect path but that i wound
up here yeah and i never got to thank him for it so long story short chaps got to tell him by the
way my co-host kate like she has this job because of you like set her on this path reaction is so
genuine reaction is so we. His reaction is so...
All right, we got to watch it.
Can you get a T-shirt?
I got goosebumps.
And I think it just goes to show, like, what a good dude he is.
Like, the whole...
Everybody who worked there was, like, so amazing to this group of veterans.
And I still keep in touch with some.
They all went on, like, really cool paths in media, a bunch of them.
Sounds exactly like Barstool.
Yeah, it does.
Yeah.
You show up and no one even knows you work here for like the first six months yeah and then you squirrel your squirrel your way up
yeah take away suffering and you don't see the unseen benefits you had a program at comedy
central that led to unseen benefits that you probably don't even know about my co-host kate
who did two tours in afghanistan was part of your veterans immersion program and she get out of here yeah and she constantly says that if she didn't do that she
wouldn't be sitting in the seat that she is oh man I am so glad you know I mentioned that yeah
it's going to take away that's amazing that's awesome yeah he's always just been like such a
hero because even growing up he was one of my like it was him and conan o'brien yeah and like a couple other guys were the ones that i looked to
to be like this these guys are the fucking best so that experience was awesome and then yeah
thank you for asking zero block 30 like it's oh that's awesome very cool john stewart what a guy
i know such a good guy have you ever had him on Pardon My Tape? No, he's a fucking man, though.
Yeah, he really is a good guy.
He should run for office.
I know.
I'm surprised he hasn't.
Yeah.
He's doing a lot of political stuff in his retirement.
Yeah.
Remember, didn't they create a fake super PAC or whatever?
Yeah, that might have been Colbert.
Oh, Colbert, yeah, that's right.
He's good at that stuff.
I never liked Colbert.
He was too right-wing for me.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, what else is going on?
We got to, unless you guys want to end the show,
I'd like to hang out with you guys.
Have you ever seen the Colbert clip
when he was getting fake donations to the Super PAC
and they used a picture of his mother-in-law
as one of the donations?
No.
It was a good clip.
Yeah.
My grandpa was on Jon Stewart's show.
Really?
He fought Steve Carell at Gleason's Gym in Brooklyn in a boxing segment.
What?
What?
Jay's grandfather is fascinating.
I don't know if you guys know.
I've never heard about him.
Yeah, no, I know.
He's a boxing trainer.
How did Pops end up how he did?
He's a certified OG.
He's barred with Steve Carell?
Yeah, it was a segment
where Steve Carell
was trying to lose weight,
so he went to Gleason's gym
and my grandpa fought him.
Damn.
He beat his ass?
He did.
It's wild that Steve Carell
arguably is the biggest
from that show.
Yeah.
The Daily Show.
He was just a correspondent, right?
He was a guy,
just a correspondent.
Your grandfather was a legend and TJ, you're on legend path.
What happened to Tim Hitchings?
It's kind of like how, yeah, you know,
Carly Stremski was a Hall of Famer.
His grandson's now an MLB player.
There was like a generational gap in between them.
You calling his dad a loser?
Oh, I was just asking.
It wasn't a big deal.
I would never.
Ever.
I will say that in the Daily Show writers room,
like we were just supposed to be like kind of shadowing and quiet.
But then in my head, I was like, well, maybe they kind of want us.
Like if you have something good, maybe this is your time to shine.
So a couple of times when they're like hashing out, I was like,
what about this?
Like, you know, like that annoying person who like crickets.
Oh, like, like bombed so hard each time. I was like, that almost doesn who crickets. I bombed so
hard each time.
That almost doesn't make it worth it.
Fuck.
John Stewart ruined your confidence.
Absolutely. It's the moral of that story.
That's a feeling
you really get used to around here.
Look at this fucking guy with his fat ass.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
Double cake though.
I'm going gonna bite it.
Sitting out here with his, he was just leaning
with his ass out. Yeah, poking it out.
Damn.
He loves throwing that thing around.
Look at that. Sometimes he can't help it.
Have you had that, KB?
With my ass?
No, his ass.
Yeah, it just ended up.
You have to look how fat it is.
Fuck.
Yeah, he's twirling it around now.
He knows.
But would it be nice on a woman's body?
I'm going to say yes.
Yes, I feel like that's a good.
If you cover him like this.
Yeah, just a thick ass regardless.
You're just like, wow.
No, that's an illusion, I think.
You think he's wearing padded boxers?
I've seen side-by-side big male ass, big woman's ass, and it's night and day.
That's an assistant principal ass on a woman.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
You shit with that thing?
Must, right?
The nature of the man.
Does all business Pete follow you guys on Twitter?
He's never followed me. No, no. He's just a you guys on Twitter? He's never followed me.
No, he's just a dick.
He's never followed me.
Let me see.
His ratio of following to followers is incredible.
On account of him being a dick.
Yes, he follows me.
Yeah.
His wife is a delight.
Oh, his picture.
I just pulled it up
Him just hanging out at the beach
Having a beer
What a loser
Does he follow the Yak, TJ?
His profile picture is like 15 years old
Yeah
Yeah, he does, okay
He follows me
I'm going to just have to unfollow him
I feel like his Twitter is very in-your-face dude.
Yeah, he is.
But he's not like that.
Not at all.
Like this tweet, he's using the wet wheel at home.
That's genius.
I won't be seeing it anymore.
Bye.
This is not the Pete that I know.
I don't know.
Does anybody truly know Pete?
Yeah, I've spent some time with him.
I don't like him.
Genuinely.
Yeah, no, we went out.
And then we're still live.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We went out.
He's got a deep belly button.
Oh, my God, he's just flaunting it.
We went out in Minnesota bowling and getting drunk one night for the Final Four,
and it was jarring.
He was, like, laughing.
I went out with him once at the Super Bowl.
I had sushi with him.
Yeah, it was very jarring.
It was, like, probably 1 in the morning, and he was still—
Very likable.
Affable.
Oh!
It was so—
Oh, my God!
Owen, have you aged, like, 10 years?
Yeah.
First two years.
Wow.
Happens to the best of us.
Look at that.
That's his sweet ass.
Double cheeked up.
That picture's like three weeks ago, too.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, it's June 9th.
Oh, my God.
What did he say to that tweet?
Probably.
Might have to re-follow him.
Yeah.
The clock is doing weird things on the wall.
I don't know if it's going crazy.
Yeah, it's going crazy.
I mean, his internet went out.
Oh, really?
Oh, cool.
The Wi-Fi.
Not our internet, the Wi-Fi.
Oh, yeah.
I like that we claim we invented the internet, but we don't have any.
Yeah.
Whenever more than three people invoke his name, the internet goes out.
Yeah.
It's the Beetlejuice.
The Bloody Mary of.
Yeah.
But that's also like
been a long time
barstool thing.
We used to have
a squirrel almost
took down the company
back in like 2013.
Really?
Chewing the wires
in the Milton office.
Oh.
Yeah.
That happened to my
sonata once.
There's a lot of talks
Really?
Yeah.
Your Hyundai sonata?
It's a bunch of squirrels What is a son. Your Hyundai Sonata? It's a bunch of...
What is a Sonata?
What is that?
It sounds like a symphony of sorts.
But what is that name?
It's a musical.
Hyundai Sonata.
Oh, yeah.
It was so smooth.
Opera?
Oh, no.
It was like a symphony.
I don't think it's Sonata.
You're confusing what something else that I can't place right.
I think it is music.
How do they come up with the names for the cars?
Remember the Amigo?
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
Fun for a boy and a girl.
Good restraint for not telling me to shut the fuck up.
Oh, no, no, it's fine.
Remember the Cue with the hamsters?
Oh, yeah.
That was a classic.
That guy's scion.
Poor thing.
That guy, I think he was an actor.
No, dude.
We're talking about the rehearsal again
His roommate that was a staged
Yeah
Fight they had that was not real
Here's the only reason why I don't
I don't know if you saw on Twitter
His brother was tweeting
It was like finally the world knows
How big of an asshole my brother is
And he was like
I found out that he was going to be on this show.
I think they got Nazir
to play up the numbers thing
and play up the play with your roommate.
I don't know.
Wait, who?
In the rehearsal,
the guy who just like,
Jesus Christ.
These people they found
are so just impossibly weird.
What I want to know is,
say the first episode,
he kind of unknowingly
is ripping on the lady
being like,
she's going to come in here
and complain right away. And then she did. came in she's like my roommates are the worst
how did they get her to sign off on that yeah like i know i think he pays the people to let them
is that legal i don't know like that was what i was wondering because if i was her she seemed so
like type a that i was very curious to see how that went behind the scenes like how did he pull that off yeah no idea fascinating yeah incredible mind uh-huh yeah like how do you even pitch that to the
to the network in a way that yeah i think you just say trust me i'm yeah yeah yeah
well his show all the people knew they were on a reality tv show they just didn't know it was a
comedy right so that was the wrinkle and then for this one i'm not sure same thing i guess The show, all the people knew they were on a reality TV show. They just didn't know it was a comedy. Right.
So that was the wrinkle.
And then for this one, I'm not sure.
Same thing, I guess.
We're told it's a documentary.
I don't know if they know that they're the butt of the joke.
They don't know.
Do you think that couple fucked Glennie Balls?
Yeah.
Well, that's their thing, right?
I'd sign up for OnlyFans to see that.
To see Glennie get fucked by Adam 22?
And his wife. I heard that he just... Glennie get fucked by Adam 22. And his wife.
I heard that he just... Glennie would go for Adam 22.
Yeah, you're like, no, I don't want this.
Oh, Lena, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, imagine going on a sex-positive podcast with Glennie Balls
and he just ends up fat-shaming you and then saying he hates pussy.
She's the ultimate alpha.
Sex-positive podcast minus vaginas.
That's the building block of sex.
Vagina is the load-bearing, you know.
It's quite literal.
It's everything.
Without the vagina, you don't have it.
It's the corn of sex.
It is. Sex was built on the vagina it. It's the corn of sex. It is.
Sex was built on the vagina.
Do you mean the corn of sex?
Corn is responsible for a lot of things.
Oh, yeah.
Like popcorn?
Ethanol.
Oh, yeah.
No, alcohol.
Feed.
Corn.
Sugar.
Cobs.
Corn starch.
Yeah, it's the corn of...
And a damn good vegetable.
You think so?
Compared to other vegetables.
Is it not even...
But you can't even digest it, right?
I don't think you can digest it.
I think it's a top three.
It's behind potato, obviously.
Behind potato.
It might be the number two vegetable.
Yeah, maybe.
What about Brussels sprouts?
Oh, corn is easily better than Brussels sprouts.
Asparagus done right is a cheat.
But corn can do 29 things.
Asparagus is delicious.
I wish we had an app where we could all rank it independently.
You can't type the N word.
Fortunately, the tech isn't there to have both.
Corn number two.
Potatoes, easy one.
Easy one.
Beans?
That's a legume, dude.
Like spinach.
I think you guys like the add-on.
All right, let's do this.
Here we go.
I think we got to get potatoes at the very top.
Potato is in its own category.
Right to the bottom.
Potatoes top. I mean, is in its own category. And a rispilla right to the bottom. Yeah.
Potatoes top.
I mean, I just don't consider pumpkin.
I mean, avocado is a fruit, but I consider it a vegetable, and that would be in the higher tier.
You're doing fancy stuff now.
Disagree?
No, you think avocados are bad?
Well, no, it's just not a vegetable.
Taste-wise.
I think potatoes just could have been in the S.
Avocado's damn near a condiment at this point.
Yeah, you're right.
It's a topping.
Put arugula at the bottom.
I didn't know it existed until 2000.
If arugula didn't get stuck in your teeth, I think it would be a D.
What avocado is this?
Ooh, I love arugula.
We can't let that go.
Put beets on the bottom, too.
No, I love them.
No.
Bottom, bottom.
Bottom.
Beets and goat cheese?
I eat two or three cans of beets a week.
I eat them straight from the can.
It tastes like dirt.
I love, I drink, I order beet juice smoothies.
Wait, let's look at all the vegetables available before we start tearing things.
I kind of agree with that one guy who says Kate ruins the show.
She ruins the show.
I would give it a D.
I think cucumbers are up top.
Not it with potatoes, but cucumbers are elite.
No, cucumbers are elite.
You guys like their associated flavor.
What are we going to do with onion?
Well, fuck you.
You were talking corn.
Corn is, yeah, it's good.
Well, corn should be at the top.
Corn is an S-tier vegetable.
Yes, corn is a top, yes.
All right, I'm going to throw something out there.
Oh, peas.
I'm going to say something.
I might get blowback, but I think onions are S tier because they can be in everything.
Yes.
They can be in everything.
That's what I said.
They make everything good.
Onions and tomatoes are ruined, though.
Onions and tomatoes are probably S tier.
Onions let you know something's good cooking in the house.
It's a good smell.
Yeah, yes.
Sizzling them up.
He keeps yelling.
I do not like the tomato S tier.
Wait, you tomato S tier? Tomato, tomato. Who the fuck did that? Watch your mouth. Chili, ketchup, chili. I do not like the tomato tomato
ketchup chili tomatoes
are incredible you're thinking of things that are
special that's not how it works
that's how it works no but they had to add sugar
to make a tomato good that's how it fucking works
you know there's sugar in ketchup
yeah if you're gonna
I think tomato should be up there with onion
onion and tomato are almost
you have to put them in other things to make
them great. You're right.
Tomato on its own is not good and normally they
suck. Alright, well I got shot down with cucumbers
but carrots are good. I'm with you on
cucumber. I'm not a fan of carrots.
I hate carrots.
You hate carrots? I hate them. Carrots are good.
Carrots are good steamed. I hate carrots too.
I'm with him. Alright, so where's cucumber? Carrots don't have a taste. I do think they don't have a too. I'm with him.
So where's cucumber?
Carrots don't have a taste.
They don't have a taste.
Boring ass.
Guys, like the sauces on it.
Take them off the S. You guys are using cucumbers all wrong.
It's an S+.
Jalapeno should be in the A.
This is a mess.
I like it.
Asparagus is the king of vegetables
Jalapeno's spicy
If asparagus is done right
That's an A
Jalapeno's gotta be up there
Asparagus doesn't have enough to eat
Oh put artichoke in there
Fuck artichoke
You could eat every part of an asparagus
Artichoke
It was delicious
Salt
Artichoke is good
Broccoli's ass
Artichoke's on a hot dog
Broccoli's not
Broccoli's a trash
I would like okra to be better.
Most of these green vegetables.
Okra?
Okra's delicious.
Like gumbo.
Okra and fried okra.
It's a passion.
I like this.
Yeah.
Okra's delicious.
Oh, okra.
You ever have it in its pure form?
It oozes.
Oh, I don't like it in its pure form, but in its fried form, it's incredible.
I got another one I'm going to throw out there that probably is going to.
Well, wait.
You got to put red onion.
Well, you shouldn't have red onion and onion.
It's silly.
Red onion doesn't do all that much.
I like eggplants.
I like eggplant too.
Really?
Eggplant parm.
Not even the emoji, Kate?
Sweet potatoes, that's two.
Can we get some candy in here?
Oh, garlic's way at the top.
I love garlic.
What is that doing on there?
Garlic a vegetable.
Yes.
I guess put garlic in S, yeah.
I think bell peppers are A.
There's too many S's, guys.
Can't have four S's.
No, I think four is the max.
I think sweet potatoes should not be an S.
I think that's insane.
Where should it be?
It should be one down.
I think it should be top three.
It should not be with cucumbers.
Put cucumbers down. Put cucumbers down. I think jalapeno's too high It should not be with cucumbers. Put cucumbers down.
Jalapeno's too high and red onion's
too high. Jalapeno's too high? Yeah!
Hell no!
What the fuck is wrong with y'all? Dude, you eat the
spicy Chick-fil-A and you can't...
I don't like spice. What? I don't like spice.
And you're assuming we all like okra?
You're going to discriminate against me because I don't like spice?
You're going to discriminate against everybody
else because you don't like spice? Yes. That to discriminate against everybody else because you don't like spice?
Yes, that's how the South works.
You're a man from the South.
We're not putting okra in B.
No.
You never had fried okra.
I hate it.
You can't say it's fried.
I think cauliflower is trash.
Anything is delicious.
I think cauliflower is trash.
I hate it too.
Bad.
Hold time.
Cheese whiz on cauliflower.
You need to have a mushroom conversation.
That's added cheese.
You need to have a mushroom conversation.
Yes, and it's high.
I love mushrooms.
It's damn high.
I think mushrooms are way up there.
Oh, it is.
I say it's way up there.
Oh, it is.
Let's go through.
Why are you arguing with me?
I'm agreeing.
I know.
I'm saying I'm passionate.
I don't make fun of people that have takes and look at you with mushrooms.
Never had a mushroom.
Mushrooms up.
Mushrooms up.
Mushrooms either A or S.
Mushrooms are second to me. Mushrooms is second.
All right, go.
I've seen you not only roll your eyes, but your whole body at the thought of a mushroom.
Oh.
Let's go alphabetically.
All right.
Artichoke.
Incorrect. I think it's trash.
I would say C.
C or D.
Why don't we go one at a time and put it at the average of everybody?
We don't have enough middle right now.
We got too many high or low.
Artichoke is a C, I think.
I would say a D.
I was going to say C.
C.
I would say C.
Or D.
Eat slander is absurd.
All right, avocado.
I'm not an avocado.
Me either.
That's a high.
That's a B.
Because of guacamole?
No, because I like the taste.
You eat too many vegetables.
You're ruining it.
No, I don't.
No, I don't.
I would say B or C.
Well, he did say it three times.
Say C.
Avocado's A.
Avocado's not A.
Oh, my God. Avocados's A. Avocado's not A. Oh, my God.
Avocados are good.
They can't be A.
I know, but avocados are a good food.
Some of these are just vegetables.
You like the sauces that they accumulate.
That's what you're doing with avocado.
If we're doing that, avocado is the sauce.
What?
Who's eating?
You spread avocado.
Cucumber is 98% water.
You're not tasting anything.
What are we doing with bell peppers?
I think bell peppers are A. I think bell peppers are B. They're not A. They're fine. They're B. C. No is 98% water. You're not tasting anything. What do you do with bell peppers? I think bell peppers are A.
I think bell peppers are B.
They're not A.
They're fine.
They're B.
C.
No, I eat bell peppers plain with a little hummus or something.
They're good.
Broccoli.
I like broccoli.
A.
I like broccoli.
E.
I don't like broccoli.
I like broccoli.
Broccoli were off.
F for me, but I know that I'm-
B.
B.
B at best.
Red onion needs to come down.
Can we agree with that?
Yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
Brussels sprouts?
S plus.
No.
No.
Brussels sprouts rock.
Brussels sprouts rule.
They are good.
They are good.
That's asparagus.
That's just you.
Kate, that's your coochie.
I'd be fine with Brussels sprouts for an A.
You know how Brussels sprouts make your pussy smell?
A?
No, no.
Brussels sprouts are not an A.
They're a B.
They're better than broccoli.
They're better than broccoli.
I agree.
Brussels sprouts are better than broccoli.
They're the same thing.
Broccoli is the best vessel.
Brussels sprouts are better.
No, they're the same.
I would move broccoli to C then.
What is this?
I can't even see it.
Is that some sort of squash?
Butternut squash?
Who cares?
I hate butternut squash.
It's garbage.
Cabbage, F. Butternut squash. I like? I hate butternut squash. It's garbage. Cabbage, F.
Butternut squash.
I like coleslaw, though.
No, that's good.
Coleslaw's good.
Butternut squash is actually good.
Where's actual squash?
Butternut squash is...
Carrots?
Carrots are A to me.
Not to me.
I think they're average.
You've got to think of how iconic a carrot is.
Right.
Uggs bunny.
Uggs bunny.
Now we're doing...
Iconic. Yeah. iconic a carrot is. Right. Uggs Bunny. Uggs Bunny. Now we're doing. Iconic.
Yeah.
We're talking about cultural impact.
Now we're talking cultural impact.
No, we're talking about taste.
We're talking about taste and taste only.
Oh, he's right.
Cultural impact has to be.
If we're talking taste only, potato has to go down, dickhead.
Yeah.
Oh.
Potatoes are fucking delicious.
Potatoes taste good.
What are you talking about?
You guys are out in your own opinions as blanket statements.
I think
you were defending them
with blanket statements.
Where did
Potatoes taste great.
What are we talking
about culture shifts?
Where did you just put that?
Where did you just put
the last one?
Carrots have to be
at least B.
They have to at least
be at least B.
It's a carrot.
It's a carrot.
It's one of the
What's the carrot's
most iconic role?
A snowman? It's snowman, It's a carrot. It's one of the- What's the carrot's most iconic role? A snowman?
A snowman?
It's snowman, dude.
Yes.
Snowmen are fucking-
I love snowmen.
I'm ready for a fight on the next one, too, because cauliflower is straight trash.
Trash.
Oh, the cultural impact of Kyle's ear.
Yeah.
Trash.
You like them all, Kate.
You like all the vegetables.
It's literally named after the grossest ears in the world.
Allflower's ass. Offense, Kyle. It's awful. after the grossest ears in the world. All flowers ass.
Offense, Kyle.
It's awful.
It doesn't taste good.
Okay.
Your ear?
Nibble.
Nibble on the...
Celery.
Overrated.
Ants on a log, peanut butter with the raisins.
I like celery just because you can get negative calories.
That's a cool fact that you can just say.
I don't like how stringy it is.
Add some crunch to your salad.
Do you know celery cleans out your pooper?
The strings go through, and it's like a little, all the strings go through your intestines. Really salad. Do you know celery cleans out your pooper? The strings go through and it's like a little
all the strings go through your intestines.
Really? How would you know? You've never pooped.
Alright, so where are we putting celery?
Low.
I'm addicted to this now. We've got to do something else
after this.
I mean, it makes you lose
weight. That's how bad it is.
You haven't gotten into the tear game very much?
Oh, I have.
Celery's bad at being a food.
Yeah.
Edamame?
I've never had edamame.
Edamame's overrated.
Owen made a good point.
It gives you titties.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't want to be a soy boy.
Tea for edamame?
Eggplant?
I think she'd be in.
I think eggplants are higher.
Yeah, B.
B or higher on eggplant?
I like it as in like the, you know, fry.
What else do you put it in besides parm?
What else are you doing with it?
You can fry it.
I don't know if y'all have.
Yeah, it's always fried, though.
It's a B for me.
I'll just bite it into a raw eggplant.
I wouldn't like it.
No, no way.
B.
Sounds like people are saying B or C.
B.
Ginger?
No.
No.
It helps tummy aches.
Keeps Schweppes in business.
It's medicinal, yeah.
How do we have eggplant above broccoli?
That's a great question.
We all just said we liked broccoli.
Broccoli is...
We'll go back through.
We'll go back through.
I'm saying the process isn't...
We'll go back through.
We'll obviously make an adjustment.
We're knocking them down.
Ginger's F.
F, F.
I'd rather have cabbage than ginger.
Kale is F.
Kale is F.
Why was kale...
Kale's...
Kale's trended.
Kale also helps you poop.
No.
We don't care.
I didn't see cabbage get the F.
Cabbage is good.
Kale was an industry plant.
It was.
Pyrola, superfood.
I fell for it.
Leeks, F.
Oh, F.
F.
F minus.
XFL.
The idea of them is good, but the...
Lettuce is S.
I like shredded.
I like shredded. It's like the things that belong in the lettuce. good, but the... Lettuce is S. I like shredded. I like shredded.
It's like the things that belong in the lettuce.
No, but lettuce, you need lettuce.
You need lettuce.
I'm talking about eating lettuce.
We have arugula F, and we're going to put iceberg lettuce S.
Lettuce sucks.
Arugula's better than iceberg.
It looks romaine.
It's good at what it does.
A.
I'll give it A, not S.
A.
Give it an A.
Peas? Peas are ass. Oh, peas are terrific. Do not say it A, not S. A. Give it an A. Peas?
Peas are ass.
Peas are terrific.
Do not say this is a yak thing.
I'm not a part of this.
Let me go back through it.
You can change anything.
Everyone gets one change.
We're Yankee swapping it.
Yes, everyone gets one change at the end.
No one gets to question it.
But they have to be real about it.
They can't just be sick.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Peas?
I think peas are B or A.
Peas are bad.
Peas are not bad.
C, C.
I feel like they're a C.
Peas are for the low IQ.
None of yours have taste, Brandon.
None of them have a distinguishable taste.
They're all just green vessels.
Corn doesn't have a taste.
Pumpkin.
Okay, cabbage does.
It's a super flavorful food.
I like pumpkin pie.
Pumpkin's good for Instagram posts. Yeah, pumpkin should be in the B. Yeahkin. Okay, cabbage. It's a super flavorful food. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin's good for Instagram posts.
Yeah, pumpkin should be in the B.
Yeah, because they pickle it.
It's a flavorless product.
Is it fun to carve?
Pumpkin in the B?
No.
Cultural impact.
As far as a vegetable, it's like a D or F.
Kabod cream.
It's not good.
You're ranking it based on other things.
Is that the pumpkin I use for Instagram?
I think it is. All right, radish. F're ranking it based on other things. Is that the pumpkin I use for Instagram? I think it is.
All right, radish.
F.
Who gives a shit about radishes?
Scallions.
Shifting up my Halloween post this year.
Scallions, I'm going to go.
That's going to be a real.
E, C, or D?
Inconsequential, I think.
Scallions do come in the clutch in dips and stuff.
They're in good food.
Scallion pancakes.
Yeah, I would say D.
Scallions are like salt and pepper to me.
They're just there.
Spinach.
I like spinach.
I love spinach.
Strength.
You get strength.
Oh, creamed spinach that you get at a steakhouse sometimes.
Spinach dip.
Hey.
Yeah.
Also, it's...
Hey, yeah.
Creamed.
Turnip.
Ass.
F.
F.
I'll go F for turnip.
I hate zucchini.
Zucchini.
Better than eggplant.
It's better than eggplant.
I don't like the whole zoodles trend.
No, I hate that so much.
They get cold fast.
I don't like zucchini.
I would give it.
You like it more than eggplant?
Brandon's thinking fried.
Zucchini bread.
Right.
Those noodles are awesome.
Noodles become soggy.
Go see your dude.
Zucchini bread is correct.
Yeah.
All right.
B. B. Zucchini bread is a. Yeah. All right, B, B.
Zucchini bread is a great card. All right.
Yeah, this bakery in my neighborhood.
So now we're allowing changes?
One change per person.
Everybody gets one change.
Here's what we should do.
Now we should use this and tier something that has an objective tier to it to see how ridiculous this looks.
What do you mean an objective tier?
Like things that have an objective ranking.
Like what, races?
Numbers?
The last 40 presidents.
Quarterbacks?
In order.
To juxtapose how ridiculous our tiers are?
Oh, buddy, you don't live on.
What are you talking about?
This is a five-hour show.
Quarterbacks are objective?
I don't think.
Where would you rank Lamar Jackson?
I don't know if there's anything that is.
Fourth.
Okay, so who's division?
One, two, and three.
Uh-oh.
I don't know.
Brady, Rodgers, Mahomes.
You're ranking?
Not Brady.
Lamar over Brady.
Okay, Lamar over Brady.
Am I doing this right?
It's an easy job to have.
Lamar over Brady.
I want a KB solo quarterback right now.
All right, Kate, you get your first pick.
Oh, man.
I got mine already.
Can you move it anywhere? Anywhere.
Except, I think, S+.
But someone can move it
back after. Well, I think it's
reasonable. I do, for
real, eat so much Beats. I put it
in everything. Okay. I'm moving beets to B
Oh this isn't fun anymore
I don't think that's crazy
I'm going to use my move
I'm going to move beets to F
Can we do a swap
One for one
I'll trade
Lettuce needs to get the fuck out of there
Oh shit where's lettuce going
I agree with KB
Swap lettuce and broccoli.
No, no, no, no, no.
No!
Avocado needs
to be high.
Swap avocado and
garlic. What?
That was going to be my move.
I was moving garlic down. Garlic doesn't need that.
What?
It's a vegetable. It's a salt.
It goes in every food.
Put beets back wherever Kate wanted.
I'll do a real switch.
Aha.
Bee, please.
Thank you.
Beets.
Okay.
With a little salt.
Oh, delicious.
Vinegar.
Beets.
What's that got?
Wait.
Go back.
Is that your Beats voice?
Do it again
I'll swap
I want to swap broccoli for Brussels sprouts
Brussels sprouts
I like that move, yeah
I hate it
My move was going to be move Brussels sprouts up
We still can't
Alright, so this is my move
You can't touch a touched item
Okay
Or can you?
No, I think that's a good rule.
Yeah.
I don't care who I piss off because this vegetable.
Oh, no, he's going to do the okra.
He's okra-ing.
Oh, no, no, no.
Look at me.
I'm from the south.
Oh, you're going to do.
I'm picking up.
Well, that looks mighty good.
I'm going to go there because everybody knows.
I'm getting sweet potatoes the fuck out of there.
What?
Sweet potatoes are fucking trash.
Brandon, you have the-
Sweet potatoes are trash.
You have the casserole, dude.
Get them down to D.
That's where sweet potatoes belong.
No!
What?
That's where sweet potatoes belong.
I'm with Kyle.
This list does not count.
I'm not counting this.
Sweet potatoes are trash.
That's so wrong.
Listen, children.
No, wait.
You have to swap.
You have to go one for one.
All right.
Well, give me-
Yeah, what are you pulling up from D? So now you can't- Like, you're going to ruin everything if you put sweet potatoes in D and put one of them up in D. Well, wait. You have to swap. You have to go one for one. All right. Well, give me a- Yeah, what are you pulling up from D?
So now you can't-
You're going to ruin everything if you put sweet potatoes in D and put one of them up
in-
Well, I got to-
Okay, we'll put it at C and move okra up to A.
What?
Yep.
You dumb fuck.
That's what I'm doing.
Dumb, dumb fuck.
That's what I'm doing.
I've got lettuce at A.
What do you put okra in besides gumbo?
I fry it and it's the best thing ever.
Let's go crazy, boys.
Frying is... I fry all these things, Kyle.
I fry all these things.
Not all these things.
You can't touch potatoes.
That's the only rule.
Yeah, I'm swapping cucumber and mushrooms.
Okay, I actually like that.
I'm going to grab mushrooms from there as well.
I agree with this.
Oh, God.
All right, now it's fucked.
Now it's fucked.
All right, Owen, last one.
People put mushrooms on steak.
I won't touch your guys' vegetables.
I will just swap arugula for romaine.
What?
A and F.
Go ahead and swap.
What?
Wow, that's bold.
Holy shit.
Yeah, romaine is bad.
I can't.
You asked for that shit.
It doesn't taste good.
All right, this is it.
We all sign off.
Nobody's happy with this.
Oh, we sign off on it.
I got another list in me.
Yeah, should we do fruits?
Holy shit.
All right, Pat A, Joey B.
We got to do fruits, right?
ABC.
What?
Fruits?
Let's do fruits.
That'll get dicey.
Yeah, I know.
All right.
There's also a lot more fruits, right?
There's a lot more fruits. I've done all of these many times. Yeah, I know. All right. There's also a lot more fruits, right? There's a lot more fruits.
I've done all of these many times.
Well, do it again.
I'm not a big fruit guy.
I know that's probably shocking.
Or vegetables.
You're not a big veggie guy.
Either am I.
Everything you said was you could fry it.
You can't fry fruits.
Well, what do you want, Brandon?
I only eat fruits when I'm thirsty.
What should we do?
What?
I only eat fruits when I'm thirsty. No, I do? What? I only eat fruits when I'm thirsty.
No, I could back him up on that.
They don't quench you.
Y'all do your thing.
I've got to rank the G5 quarterbacks right now for another show.
Oh, let's do it here.
Let's do it right here.
Let's just do it now.
I got to look them up and stuff.
Oh, I know them all off the top of my head.
Well, I know Jaron Hall.
What about States?
Bachmeier, maybe.
Have we ranked the States?
That's 50, though.
That's a lot.
50.
There's too many intangibles.
Right.
What's a good thing?
What's chat?
Give us the chat.
What's the chat saying?
Just the six colors.
No one's watching anymore.
That's a vegetable draft.
All the mushroom heads tuned out.
They're pissed at me.
My mentions are fucked.
Brandon Walker eats hot dogs for every meal.
That's not.
That's what the chat said.
I understand.
That's fair.
But that was one comment in a million.
Why did you read that one?
It stood out.
I don't know.
Fair enough.
Rank the states?
States could work.
No.
I'd lose it.
Who are you going down for?
North Carolina?
Montana?
I've done something similar,
and people always bring up one specific city
to be the state as a whole.
So what's the chat saying?
What do they want us to rank?
States, fast food, drugs.
Played out.
Candy bars.
Played out.
Women.
That could work.
Barstool women?
Women's body parts.
Yeah, yeah.
Didn't Stu Feiner already do that? On his wife's birthday. On his wife's birthday body parts yeah yeah didn't Stu Feiner
already do that
that didn't he
on his wife's birthday
on his wife's birthday
oh I didn't know that part
he left some women
off the list entirely
I believe it was
for his wife's birthday
it was yeah
it was a gift
so
we're thinking here
sports what is this oh So We're thinking here Sports
What is this?
Oh
Lettuce
Oh wow we're already
Let's just roast all the
Grow up
Oh man
He's right
This guy loves lettuce
I want to rank one more
I'm addicted to ranking
Lettuce has ride or dies
Some sort of TV shows or movies?
Some sort of Pixar movies?
Ranked channels, television channels.
I don't know anything about them.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
Say it more condescendingly.
I like the way you say it.
Yeah, you do.
Smells. Isn't he movies?
Halloween candies
Months
Months is a good one
I like that
How many are there?
Twelve
How many?
Twelve
It's going to be tough
War for October
Days
Days of the week
No
Number one
Yep
By far
You think October's S-plus?
Yes.
I think October is absolutely S-plus.
I think October's going to get unanimous around here, though.
I think it's S-plus.
I think it's the only S-plus month.
Only one, though.
Yeah.
No.
It's the perfect month.
I'm old enough to remember getting flamed for not saying a summer month, you know?
Well, July is a top three month. All right, enough to remember getting flamed for not saying a summer month, you know?
Well, July is a top three month.
All right, here's what we're going to do.
There's 12 months.
Delete the E, so we have six tiers, and we put two in each.
Eel.
No, do one in E and one in S+. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
There we go.
So the best, the worst, and two others.
So I think we go October.
I'm not agreeing with that yet.
October is my S-plus.
I'm signing off on it, October.
I agree with October.
It's got football.
It's got baseball.
In the Northeast, I mean, you know, it gets pretty cold damn near the end of the month.
No, summer weather.
I've had freezing cold Halloween.
It's like Halloween.
Yeah.
You get sucked into a lot of weddings in October.
I've had chilly Halloweens.
And you've also had 85 Halloween's Kyle
true
they balance out
now F is either
it's either January or February
I would say March
I think it's February
oh
basketball right
I think it's January
even though my birthday
January's the worst month
my birthday
and it's always Disney
why January
I think it's February
it's shorter
I always think
it's closer to spring well in February it's like 28 days like you can you can fucking I know think it's February shorter. I always think it's closer to spring.
Well, in February, it's like 28 days.
Like, you can fucking, I know that it's only three days.
I would say the 28 days of February feel longer than the 30 days.
I agree.
I think having the new year helps January a little bit.
No, January is the come down from the holidays.
It's extra to put.
February sucks.
Yeah, but you're off for a few of the days.
It's February.
February sucks.
And nobody likes Valentine's Day.
You got to pretend to get gifts. All right, so's Day. You've got to pretend to get gifts.
All right, so February's after.
You have to pretend to get gifts?
Oh, January's got to be.
Oh, Kate.
That was a little Freudian.
Oh, no.
Kate.
Look at her.
Did you mean percenterous?
I have real tears in my eyes.
Oh, no.
Okay.
How about June?
All right.
No, wait.
Okay, so we're going back to the top.
I think September's a good month.
I think July and June are good months.
June is S.
May is a great month.
I would stamp Nick on June.
April sucks. June for nostalgia. I think June's a good month. Getting is S. May is a great month. I would stamp Nick on June. April sucks.
June for nostalgia.
I think June's a good month.
Getting out of school.
I don't care that it's been forever.
The first really warm month, we're opening up.
June is the Friday of the weekend of summer.
Wow, yeah.
That's so smart.
July is Saturday, August, Sunday.
It's not too hot yet.
Then it should just be June and July in the S.
July gets really hot.
No, the humidity this past couple weeks is insufferable.
I would say September is S.
September is S.
Start of football.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, September.
The start of college football.
I think it's June and September.
September is up there.
June and September.
September is also beautiful.
Yeah.
I like May more than June.
All right, so A tier.
I can hear that argument. I think, all right, I'm going to throw out. I think I agree. I'm going more than June. All right, so A tier. I can hear that argument.
I think, all right, I'm going to throw out.
I think I agree.
I'm going to throw out.
You're counting school days.
Let's go back to the bottom.
I think, oh, we're going back to the bottom?
January.
January.
January and I think August.
I would say, as somebody.
August sucks.
Can I make an argument for April to be at the bottom?
Because I grew up in a pretty religious family, and April's Easter month, and the weather
sucks, but you're wearing all these uptight church outfits, and you're going to these
three-hour-long masses, and you have to see all these uptight family parties.
I hate April.
I think April's fine.
I hate it.
April is like you escaped.
The weather sucks.
April's when it starts getting warm.
Baseball starts.
Hope springs eternal.
April edges you.
It's warm, and then it's cold again.
Snow in April.
I like getting edged.
All right, so wait.
What are we saying?
I think January's a day.
I think August sucks.
I think April sucks.
August is worse.
Well, taxes.
April, taxes in April.
I do think April is a very weird month.
Why are we like in March?
Yeah, I think it's March Madness.
March Madness.
March Madness.
That's the only good thing about it.
It's all month.
It's the whole month.
It's literally madness.
And it kind of helps blind you to it.
You're right, that's fun.
St. Patrick's Day, the first nice days.
There's some battles coming. March and May. You're right. That's fun. St. Patrick's Day, the first nice day. The funnest holiday. All right. St. Patrick's Day is this fun.
So March and May for A?
It's going to get tough.
I think.
March and May?
No, no, no.
March is in A.
March is B.
March is B.
I think A.
A is May.
All right.
So I'm going to throw out something.
We need May.
I'm going to throw something out for A that you guys might shit on.
I think December is the top month.
I love December.
Because you basically don't have to do anything the entire month.
Yeah, it's a lot of days off.
A lot of days off.
And no one expects anything of you.
It's cold as balls, though.
Yeah, but you get to hear Buble and Target.
It's cold, but it's also the most socially acceptable drinking month.
You could just be drunk all of December.
I think you can do that in the summer, too.
I think we need one cold holiday, too, in the top three, right?
I like December.
I'm a big December guy.
Christmas rocks.
The whole season?
Do we like May with December in the A?
I like May.
I love Memorial Day weekend.
I thought May had a play for S.
I like July and Fourth of July better than I like Memorial Day.
Maybe put December at B.
Maybe I overstated December.
I don't think you did.
We get like half the month off. I don't think you did. I think November.
We get like half the month off.
It's like Owen's argument.
We need a cold month.
Wait.
November is perfect tailgating.
It's perfect tailgating.
That's true.
Thanksgiving's a top.
November's cold.
November's too cold.
November's depressing.
Wait.
November sucks.
It's a shitty reboot of October.
Thanksgiving is a great holiday.
Yeah, but that's all it has.
I think November sucks, Dick.
I think, yeah.
All right.
So December and then July?
There we go.
I think it's either July or May, and I vote July, but I will, if y'all want to outvote me.
I'm a May guy, so.
May can still be shitty weather.
Yeah, here.
I is.
And the rest of the country.
July, you're not really, I don't know.
It's true.
We're like keeping ourselves in a Northeast.
July is a great holiday.
July is a great holiday.
Yes.
Ah, Memorial Day is better.
July feels like one of those months that you just don't have to do anything.
Memorial Day is not better than June.
I think it's more fun.
It is, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Long weekend.
You guys just enjoy your Memorial Days.
The start of the summer.
Have fun.
All right, I'm fine with May being.
Just drink.
Oh, okay, Kate.
You're dead free.
Don't think about anything else.
All right, so then May and then July should be with March.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, this actually makes a lot of sense.
I think August should be an F-tier month.
I don't think it's...
Oh, it should be a D.
Oh, we're only getting one F.
I hate this.
Oh, D-tier then.
Yeah, this actually...
Oh, C could be those two.
Yeah, April and November.
I actually think we nailed this.
No, there's no way.
August is better than November. No, I don't think so., there's no way. August is better than November.
No, I don't think so.
April is not as good as August.
November has football.
November has football.
August doesn't.
You're going down the shore in August.
Also, football is coming.
August takes forever.
Preseason.
Baseball's still going.
Nobody cares about baseball.
Okay.
Except for when I need it for my argument.
Okay.
I don't love August.
I hate April where April's at. I think it should be lower. But that's okay. What happened to you in April? cares about baseball except for when i need it for my argument okay i don't love august i hate
april where april's at i think it should be lower but that's okay what what happened to you in april
i was an altar server oh yeah
you gave it up for lent
all right this is right what's pretty calm i to the right of April? I can't read it. November.
I think it should be lower, but I'll put my name on this.
So basketball is getting March to be.
Yeah, March sucks so hard besides basketball.
Yeah, but it's so great.
It really is enough to push your new org. I have a good March memory.
I have my son in March.
I will say March Madness going on while it happened was key.
That was wonderful.
Key to what?
What do you mean?
Just in the weeks afterwards, you're just doing a lot of sitting on a couch,
and it was so great to just have that going on.
So I will say March Madness was pretty good.
That sold me.
Helps the time pass.
I think that's the correct list.
Yeah, that one felt good.
I like when there has to be parameters of like
there can only be so many and it's here
that helped
alright
we crushed it
good stuff
good show guys
I'm actually going to be out tomorrow
I just found out something
I'm going to do an interview
great week
good for you.
I'll be back Wednesday.
I miss you guys already.
I miss you.
I got to go talk to that bitch now.
Whoa! Whoa!
Dude, Erica's your boss.
No, that's not who walked by.
That was Erica.
She walked by.
I'm going to walk by and you go, I got to talk to that bitch right now. That's not who walked by. That was Eric. That's not who walked by. Oh, my God. I literally walked by and you go, I'm going to talk to that bitch right now.
That's not who walked by.
Oh, my God.
I wish I could have said come and go.
Oh, my fucking God, dude.
Bold move.
That's not who walked by.
Why did you do that?
That's not who walked by.
That is who walked by.
These past few years, it's been the yak.
All right.
It's the end of the show forever. It's the act That's time to talk
Shop and do
Yankees love
It's the act
It's the act