The Yak - Zah's Out Here Living the Dream | The Yak 11-2-22
Episode Date: November 2, 2022It ain't quietYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the act. It's the act.
It's the act.
Whoa, wide angle.
Oh.
Because our view of vision is broadening with new horizons as owners fall and new owners come in their place.
PFT is on here popping fucking bottles.
Congratulations, brother.
Congratulations.
Woo-hoo. Owen, brother. Congratulations.
The words are not coming to me right now.
They should have sent a poet to sit in the seat
at the moment because I've been
waiting for this day for 25 years
and that's not an exaggeration.
He has ruined
the Washington D.C. community.
He's driven it into a state
worse than apathy. More than any politician could have. Way community. He's driven it into a state worse than apathy.
More than any politician
could have. Way more. He's been the
worst human being to live in Washington. He's been clogging the
swamp. In the last 30 years.
And I said a few
things when I found out about the fact that
he was on the team that I want to take back. I said
that I hope that he died, that I wanted him
to die, that it'd be great if he died
and everybody would be happy if he died.
I want him to survive long enough
to see how bad he truly was.
I want him to survive
and then I want us to win Super Bowls in his face
and then I want everybody to be joining hands
and clapping and singing in harmony
and be like, you're the reason
why we weren't able to do this for 30 years.
Fuck you, suck my dick, Dan Snyder.
And I'm also, I
made a lot of promises. I made a lot of
promises. I said that I would do a
parade through D.C.
if he sold the team. The parade's
going to happen. Wow. We're going to
do a loop around the Beltway together
in our cars. Like a funeral
procession? Yeah, like a full lap. We're going
to do a full lap around the Washington Beltway
and it'll be fantastic. Maybe you could sell
little flags for the cars so you
can run red lights. I like
that, yes. If you have your lights on
in the Dan Snyder fuck you bitch parade
you're allowed to break the laws. No
speed limits in D.C. It is a funeral
procession for him. I don't know what
that means. We just lost all our monitors.
Snyder cutting it out. Oh my god,
yeah. The Dan Snyder media. out. Oh my god, yeah.
Let me get a swig of that.
I'm sure everybody's asked,
is there anybody worse that could buy the team?
Don't care. I don't think that there is.
You can name anybody.
Let's have a brain dump. No bad ideas.
Joseph Kony. Alex Jones, yes, please.
He would be entertaining and he would have some very interesting
theories about why our team would lose.
His press conferences on Monday would be just must-watch television.
Yeah, Joseph Kony.
He's good at getting younger.
Getting younger.
Yeah, absolutely.
You're a cooter guy.
Harder working.
Throw mentality.
Totally.
Anybody.
Putin, yeah.
Putin could be sweet.
I saw you lobbying for Dave.
Dave.
Dave should buy the team.
I don't know if he's got money like that, and that's no disrespect to Dave because I
think the team's going to sell for like $10 billion.
Damn.
But you know what?
Who knows?
Kanye.
Yeah, Kanye.
Good.
Good.
Anybody.
Literally anybody.
You should try to get into the ownership group.
I'm working on it.
Me and RG3, we've had discussions.
And RG3, do that if he's with ESPN or whatever, though?
Is he allowed to cover a team that he owns?
I guess, why wouldn't he?
Are you allowed to do it with Barstool?
Because you know we're so...
Yeah, I think journalistic integrity went out the window like 10 years ago.
I think that's when people stopped pretending to care about that sort of thing.
Kevin Durant owns part of the union.
He's part of the new media.
You know what I mean?
It's true.
A lot of pro athletes own pickleball teams now, right?
Yeah, a lot.
That's why I don't bet on pickleball.
Yeah, LeBron has a pickleball team.
He went halves with somebody else.
Tom Brady has one.
Drew Brees has one.
Yeah.
What do they own?
Pickleball teams.
Oh, really?
Fastest growing sport in America.
We should get a pickleball team.
We should. We should invest in pickleball team. We should.
We should invest in pickleball.
How much are they?
I mean, if LeBron has to go in with half with somebody else.
I'm going to pop a second bottle.
Pop a second bottle.
This is a great deal.
Did you get the first pop on camera?
Can we get a royalty free of celebrate good times come on?
I'm about to go on macrodosing right now.
They're probably very angry at me for being late.
No, today's your day.
They can't be mad at you.
I've recorded this show for four hours.
It's very true, yeah.
Kate, I don't mean to steal your thunder.
And Roan, you as well.
The Phillies had a great game last night.
But I was just telling Max a second ago,
this is better than when we won the World Series.
Today is better than a World Series.
Really?
It's not up there with the Stanley Cup.
It's a second place day to the Stanley Cup, but it's better than World Series.
What about when he actually sells the team?
This is just he has a- Wait, he's just looking right now.
There's no way that this will ever backfire on me.
No.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Busting! Wow! Oh! Busting!
Wow!
Woo!
Woo!
Is your phone in your pocket, too?
Yeah, my phone's off.
Very important things in these pants.
I can't.
I got riddled with herpes on my face.
Are you?
Yeah, I have another cold sore.
Everybody's got cold sores.
That brings the mood down.
I know.
Why do I have to get up every time?
I'm passing it.
I just borrowed your chapstick sound.
I know.
I could use the exercise.
You didn't even try to stop me.
Brandon, I hope you don't mind, but I did make the executive decision for what our walkout song is going to be at the Dozen.
So did I.
What did you say?
He's mashing them both up.
Tell me yours, and then I'll tell you mine.
Mine's No Rain by Blind Melon.
Really?
That's a bit egotistical, isn't it?
Yeah.
The theme song for the Brandon Walker show?
Well, no.
You're doing the Brandon Walker walkout music for our team.
What's yours?
Mbamba, starting with the fuck, shit, bitch part.
That's fine.
That's still yours.
You can mash it up.
Speaking of, November 8th, Tuesday, next week,
at Terminal 5 in New York City, which I think is on 56th Street,
the experts at what's it called?
The Battle of New York.
The Jeff D. Lowe Battle of New York.
Yeah, The Dozen is in New York.
Live show November 8th, next Tuesday.
Still tickets available right now.
There's three matches, six teams.
It's Experts against the Honkers, Yak against Team Smokin',
and you guys against who?
Chicago?
We're bringing in Chicago for this?
Chicago, yeah.
Okay, all right.
There you go.
That's going to be incredible.
I'll let you guys get back to your regularly, yeah. Okay, all right. There you go. So there's your... That's going to be incredible. Yeah.
I'll let you guys get back
to your regularly scheduled program.
I love you guys.
Congratulations.
Fucking moment.
Have a day, brother.
I spilled some champagne
on your seat.
It's good.
It's good.
Dan Snyder's selling the team.
You already knew that.
You're a sports guy.
I thought you were getting
congratulated on something.
Yes.
He was.
Yes.
Dan Snyder's selling the team.
He's popping bottles.
Survived it.
Spilled champagne on your seat and there's a little bit of cum there too.
Was the cum
pre-existing? No, it's when...
Came out with the champagne.
It was dried cum on the shorts but the champagne got it right back.
So does it
stink from cum?
It's like microwaving gel. It brings it back and you could...
Is it like adding water to a turd?
Will it make it stink again?
We'll find out today.
Really?
Today the day?
Yeah, Jake Malasek has a man turd in his bag.
There's no way that...
It looks like your print.
No, on the chair it looks like a massive dick.
Hell yeah.
That's from my gaping vagina.
True, true, true.
It's not gaping.
It's nice.
Big.
It's tidy, though.
Yeah.
It's within itself.
It's a wet one.
There's nothing wrong with it if it is.
Congratulations.
Yeah, there is.
He already had some.
Oh.
Look at him just sitting right in it.
Disgusting, dude. You just sat right in it Disgusting dude You just sat right in it though
I didn't do anything
I promised myself my ass would never be back in Champaign
After I lost to Illinois
149 pounder
Kyle Langenderfer
5-3, 5-4
Why was your ass in Champaign?
Champaign, Illinois
Last career duel match.
I thought he won and just got you.
Was it your last career? Last career duel match.
Was duel match two on two?
It's just when
teams face each other. It's not a tournament.
It's just a team against a team.
Dual on two wrestling?
Dual like in Yu-Gi-Oh.
A lot of my favorite players are from the
South. Larry.
Larry.
Damn. I meant to Google if Larry exists.
He does. Look him up.
Is he really from Starfall? Yeah.
I think so. Born and raised.
I don't know.
And one sip of champagne
had me feeling terrible.
Why terrible? And you should be celebrating too. You're up 2-1. That's a Tico move to pop champagne had me feeling terrible. Why terrible? And you should be celebrating, too.
You're up 2-1.
Don't pop champagne.
That's a Tico move to pop champagne going up like that.
You didn't pop it.
You were drinking somebody else's champagne.
I know.
I know.
I didn't yet.
Popping it.
But you guys have to be feeling confident.
I feel...
I'm very apprehensive to feel confident,
but it's a step in the right direction.
You're going to the game tonight.
I'm going to the game tonight.
I'm going to leave right after the show.
Heather looks immaculate.
I know.
What should I wear?
Let me pick.
Maybe rowback?
Whoa.
Okay, you can pick.
Yeah, rowback.
Wear rowback.
Knew I was about to dress you, and you snuck in an ad.
I know.
Wait, are those new kicks?
No.
Yes, they are.
I told him that.
They are.
Yes, they are. How dirty him that. Yes, they are.
How dirty they are. Those are brand new.
You're definitely pre-dirty then.
They're not pre-dirty.
They look super white when they're washed out. They're also scuffed at the top.
Yeah, they're not new. I have pre-dirty shoes, and those
are pre-dirtied. They're not pre-dirty.
Walk through a pile
of leaves with them on. Where am I going to find
a pile of leaves? A concrete jungle. am I going to find a pile of leaves? I'm in a concrete jungle.
The Central Park, brother.
These are everywhere.
So you're copying me.
I bought those shoes last year.
I've had these.
I just don't wear them very often.
You can go to a...
I wore them to a street level.
Shambles off your back.
You got it done.
You got your first wear.
That's why you scuffed them up.
I didn't scuff them up.
Because you didn't want to get called out because you were apprehensive about being...
It's not a bad thing.
It's pretty dirty.
It's very normal. I wore these
I think last week and the week before.
No, you did not wear those.
No, he did.
Not wear those last week.
Not wear those last week.
Unless I wasn't here, I did not notice.
I was wearing green corduroy pants.
Go to the stream two weeks ago. I was wearing them then.
It would be a crazy move to wear
green corduroys, so we all comment on the green corduroys. So we all comment on the green corduroys.
Because I remember we talked about the green corduroys.
The band were really thick.
They called them corduroys.
Really thick.
I know these were right beneath.
Yeah, I got tired of the straps on them last month.
I cut the straps off.
Straps would be that tight.
Maybe that's it.
But they are white as hell.
I think, yeah, maybe.
I even made a big deal out of buying those shoes on the Yacht last year.
The Forum 84 is from Adidas.
Yours have straps on our custom.
Should we shout Sam out now?
Yeah, Sam at the Rangers game last night brought us up some kosher dogs.
And Brandon, he brought him two Twinkies, which I didn't know they sold.
Twinkies?
At Madison Square Garden, yeah.
And Brandon scarfed them down.
Twinkies are good. Sam was a cool guy. They've been at Twinkies? At Madison Square Garden, yeah. Yeah. And Brandon scarfed them down. Twinkies and I ate them.
Twinkies are good.
Sam was a cool guy.
They've been at Twinkie in like 10 years.
And you caught the t-shirt cannon?
That's unreal.
That was pretty neat.
That is bullshit.
Bullshit about that.
Bitch for the children.
Right.
You were next to a woman and you took it.
By the way, everybody, I was next to you.
No, I was not there.
Everybody says give it to a kid, give it to a kid.
There were zero kids at that game last night.
I didn't see the first kid.
I don't know who I would have given it to.
Do you remember seeing a kid?
There were kids aplenty.
Where was there a kid?
Right in front of us.
There was an empty row in front of us.
No, that was just a small kid.
Alone.
There was tons of kids.
I think there was a field trip.
I didn't see the field trip.
I didn't see the kids.
Hockey has the bustiest fans, though.
We know.
Well.
Yeah, we noticed.
Rangers lost, right?
No, they won in overtime.
Won nothing.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Must have misread the article.
I must have.
I thought the Flyers won in overtime.
Yeah.
No.
The Bruins won in overtime, too, didn't they?
I have no idea.
6-5.
Yes, you sport head.
That was your first ever hockey game, though?
You'd never been?
My first NHL game, yeah.
Oh.
You like it?
I loved it.
I think NHL games are so fun.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah, it's awesome.
You guys have good seats?
Yeah.
Thanks for game time.
How close were you?
Almost a couple goals.
They hit the post like five times.
We were row 14.
You hit the game?
That's nice.
No.
No, you were doing Rudy's crossword stream?
Yeah.
Something bad happened?
Invite it.
What do you mean?
Rudy got doxxed?
He doxxed himself, kind of.
He gave the first nine digits of his number.
Social Security?
Like, minutes later, people were texting us in a group chat.
Oh, because you're not listening.
He gave the first nine digits of his phone number.
People who leap on docs, they do.
That's their thing.
Oh.
I mean, you'd have to guess.
Did he give them an order?
I mean, there's ten different options,
and in order to find out, I don't know how you would.
Call.
Right.
Call.
You don't know how you would?
I mean, you would call, and it's probably an automated voice.
Rudy's is probably him.
How else would you find out?
Babe, wait one second.
Babe, wait one second.
I've got to record a voicemail.
You're a rude boy.
It starts like that Machine Gun Kelly song,
Let Me Take My Fucking Bracelet Off. second. Wait one second, I gotta record a voicemail. You got rude boy. It starts like that Machine Gun Kelly song, let me take my fucking bracelet off.
Who do you think fucks more?
Rudy or Frank the Tank?
It's a tough call. You're gonna say Machine Gun
Kelly. Rudy by a lot. No.
Rudy, who do you think fucks harder?
Rudy fucks way
more.
Yeah, probably. You're probably right. Rudy fucks way more Yeah Probably
Unless we saw
Unless we saw them every night
I know it's not HR appropriate
But aren't you curious
If you could see a list of
Someone in this office fucks the most
There is someone who fucks the most in this whole office.
Who is it? Definitely one of those
boys upstairs who has 50,000 steps
today. Oh yeah.
They've been bouncing around. I mean, Jesus Christ.
Hitting up all their slam pieces. It's like a former Eagle Scout
who has a girlfriend. They fuck like four times
a day. Right. Yeah. Yes.
Former band kids, former
ROTC. I feel like they all
fuck a lot. Hello, everyone.
Sorry I'm late.
I think this is a pretty low libido show.
Right?
What?
Brandon is ravenous.
Brandon might fuck the most on this show.
Yeah, probably.
That's probably.
God, I hope not.
What was that?
It was a funny joke.
You don't fuck.
He fucks.
He does, though.
Trying to throw us off the trail.
Brandon Walker fucks.
I know he fucking does.
He won't be fucking.
Oh, on Advisors Today, Stu asked about your wife, Brandon.
Sorry.
Why?
What did he ask about her?
I don't know why.
It was like, what's Brandon's wife like?
And I said, she's a wonderful woman.
Good.
Thank you for saying that.
And stacked.
Stu also said, I've met her like four times in person.
Couldn't tell you one facial feature.
I don't even know if she has a nose.
He also said something kind of fucked up about Nick.
Stu Feiner.
What'd he say?
Oh, yeah.
He came in here and said, behind closed doors,
he's heard that Nick is one of the three smartest people in the office.
What?
Behind closed doors.
Where was that ever talked about?
Blowing up your spot?
Behind closed doors.
People in this office struggle with direct compliments.
It has to be like with Roan.
Roan is sneaky, one of the more talented people here.
Francis is good at complimenting,
but then he stares at you
with his long gaze
waiting for some type of immaculate...
You're welcome that
can never appease him with.
Yeah.
He keeps staring.
He's disappointed
when you don't deliver it.
How are you guys doing?
How's everyone doing? Sorry. We'll be sorry. Oh, don't worry it. How are you guys doing? How's everyone doing?
Sorry.
We'll be sorry.
Oh, don't worry.
All these shows back to back.
Pro football show?
It was pro football show.
It was advisors, Pickham, and pro football show.
Whitney's on all three this week.
Oh, that'll be good.
Pickham was quite something.
He's on Pickham?
Yeah.
He's a day one listener.
How'd that go?
Oh, it was interesting.
I mean, it doesn't go anywhere, but it was interesting.
Did he replace Dave, or was Dave there, too?
No, Dave was there.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'd like to hear that.
Yeah, well, you should listen.
I'm going to.
Rowan, you going to the Phillies tonight?
Yes, sir.
I'm going to be there after the show.
I've got to be in the fucking building.
Did you guys see the video of the kid heckling their pitcher in the bullpen?
Yes. Oh, I did. The colors in the bullpen? Yes. Oh, I did.
The colors in the bullpen? Yes. It's the shakiest
footage with Christmas music behind it
and he absolutely eviscerates him.
And that's exactly what I sound like every
time I'm in the outfield yelling at an
outfielder or someone in the bullpen.
You in the outfield tonight?
It's like right on the edge.
It's like end of the third baseline towards
the outfield. I'll have access to an outfielder.
Nice.
What are some of your go-to heckles?
Touch your butt if you're gay.
They always wind up touching their butt.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good one.
If something happens,
then sometimes they'll come out
and put the glove in their back pocket
with the middle finger up to flip you off.
Oh, do they really do that?
Yeah.
Just call one of them a butthead.
Hilarious.
Old school.
Yeah, this is it.
Chirping McCullers before game three.
It's a video game.
I heard you get terrible swamp ass before every start.
McCullers, Hoskins got with your girlfriend in high school.
Twice.
That is getting smoked by...
How much sticky stuff's in that hair?
I know there's something in that lettuce.
Don't even get me started on you.
The cameras.
What's in your glove?
He's screaming so hard that his body's shaking.
It's timed up with the yells.
My grandma could rock that shit.
The colors.
You need to figure it out.
I haven't seen a strike yet.
Tripping the colors.
That's good.
That's old fashioned.
That would drive me fucking nuts.
Point blank range.
Those guys got to have, I mean, they obviously got smote,
but they got to have pretty thick skin to even just be out there and be dealing with that.
Being an athlete is just, I don't know.
Dude, no, no.
Oh, you would just be like, nah.
Not at all.
Because then you have on top of that, you got people who are pissed at you
because you're not performing well for their fantasy team
or they're losing a parlay for you.
And it's like, no matter what, even if you have a good game,
people are still going to be like, kill yourself.
We should say being an awesome athlete would be fun.
Yes.
Being a bad athlete would suck.
Because you're still very good.
And you're used to being like king from grade school to college.
It's like Russ Westbrook.
I actually feel bad for Russell Westbrook. He makes $47 million
a year.
I feel bad for him.
You can't say anybody in the NBA sucks.
Right, but they do.
They suck. Yeah, he sucks.
But there's still, I don't even think being...
No, no, no, no.
He's sick. He came off the bench.
He had almost a triple-double.
Even being the best, I feel like that still sucks.
Obviously, you're very successful, but you're still getting ripped apart constantly.
I'd be pretty cool with being like Michael Jordan.
Being the best athlete.
Even the best on a team, because you can't stay mad at the best on the team.
I can't.
Yeah.
If they have a bad game, it's like you're still the best.
Name me a superstar who was never made into a mockery for at least some segment of his life.
I mean, the crying memes you could see.
When he was a baseball player.
That's not when he's an athlete, though.
Michael Jordan is the answer.
He never took anything.
He's got shit in his history that should be made fun of.
Very much so.
But that's the exception.
That's not the rule.
I feel like being a role player would be an awesome thing because who's doing that? Like, okay, that's the exception. That's not the rule. I feel like being a role player would be an awesome thing
because who's doing that?
Like, okay, that's the World Series.
I don't know who that guy is, starting pitcher.
You don't know who anyone is.
It's Lance McCullers.
Whatever.
How many players can you name from the World Series right now?
Bryce Harper.
Okay.
What's one?
Alex Bregman.
That's two?
These are all fantasy guys. I can't get to five. Three? You right, all right. What's one? Alex Bregman. That's two? These are all fantasy guys.
I can't get to five.
Three?
You got three?
Reese.
Give him that.
Three?
Has it Halloween?
Yeah.
Not even in your top ten candies.
You know some others.
Yeah.
Sweatshirt.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
Earl sweatshirt.
Sweatshirt?
I was trying to give him a signal.
Altuve, when he did this, come on.
Oh, he's not going to know.
That's the shortcut.
Okay, so what were you saying, though, about being a role player?
Like, who's heck?
Like, Austin Reeves?
Like, that guy's got a pretty sweet life.
Yeah.
Who's really going hard at Austin Reeves?
Guys, but all the role players want to be the stars.
When they're out on the field, it's like, what the fuck's he's he doing out there yeah and they probably don't get along great with like it's not
like they're like sitting at the like cool kids table among their teammates they're like at the
end of the bench like fucking in the shitty hotel rooms also in front of the always watching the
minor leagues to see who's gonna take i understand what steven's saying he i i would rather be a
really good tier two player than a bad tier one player.
Yeah.
Is what he's saying.
I'd be like a good bench player.
He's a bad tier one player.
Like someone who starts and is bad.
Right.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or who is maybe not performing to their contract.
I'd rather not be that guy and instead be the guy that no one expects anything from.
And every now and then you do something awesome.
Everyone's like, whoa.
I want to be a good blocking guy.
Garrett Cole.
Yeah.
Garrett Cole, who gets paid a shit ton of money but gets a lot of shit from Yankees
fans.
He's pretty good, not great.
Right.
You wouldn't want to be that guy.
No.
Instead, you'd rather be like the psychological effect of seeing like Tommy, Hubs, and Marty,
and Ev like shit on you.
Oh, that would suck.
Imagine that.
Separate yourself.
What about Frank?
Frank calling you a loser.
Yeah.
Haven't some Mets players gone at Frank, too?
Yeah.
They hate him, I think.
Yeah.
They've gone at him on Twitter and been like, the Braves love him.
Still, one of the best things ever was when Blake Griffin was in the office and Frank
went up to him and he's like, you're not playing that well.
Yeah.
Like, Frank,
what? The visual of
Frank the Tank standing next to Blake Griffin
criticizing
his basketball play.
Who's the best player on the Astros right now?
Probably
Jordan Alvarez.
Pew's probably getting ripped to shreds
still.
Even though he's the best is he, where's he?
Even though he's the best player on the team.
LSU.
What the LSU?
I don't know where he's from.
No, no, Jordan.
Oh, I don't know where he's from.
Is he Dominican?
He might be Dominican.
That's the cheat code.
Be Dominican.
I don't understand the language.
Right.
And just be like, whatever.
Yeah, that's true.
And everyone in Dominican Republic loves you.
That's the cheat code.
That's what you want to be.
Yeah. Everyone's like, you. That's what you want to be. Yeah.
Everyone's like, you're a hero when you go home.
And then when you're playing in MLB and people are trashing you,
you're like, I don't know how to play.
So what's a sport that's like?
That is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know what you're saying, bro.
Well, the sweet spot is coming from a very impoverished background
with a language barrier. Oh, I think it's just the language saying, bro. The sweet spot is coming from a very impoverished background with a language barrier.
No, I think it's just the language barrier because Stephen Marbury going to China, I
think he probably had an awesome existence.
Is he still playing?
Yeah.
He's on billboards in China and has statues to him.
If you can't even read the hate, who cares?
Do you think those guys actually sit down with us and read that shit?
Some of them.
Some do.
Some do.
I think some do some more do than you
think yeah oh yeah i'll do i would be typing in my name and just going to the latest tweets and
just we know you would for hours a bunch of modern athletes will name search themselves
i know yeah cameron durant does it yeah darius leonard does it a bunch of guys in bucks do it
yeah most of them do most of them do i would 90% search for what people are saying about them.
It's just like us reading the comments.
And back in the day, all you had to do was read a newspaper,
and that's what you hear or what you hear in the stands.
Now you actually have to go actively search on Twitter,
and you can see everything.
I don't even think you really got to actively do it.
I think they're probably just seeing it constantly.
If I was a professional athlete, I would not have Twitter.
The burners would be incredible.
I bet you that.
Who's a professional athlete that doesn't have a Twitter right now, like a good one?
Lake Portals didn't have Twitter.
Okay.
The thing is, you good one.
Whoa, whoa.
Your pause there.
I believe that.
Want to do this?
A good one?
Oh.
You want to put Justin Herbert out?
Oh, no.
Should we go down the Lakers roster?
After you said that about Westbrook, it's fucking...
Tit for tat.
All bets are off, dude.
Who else doesn't...
There's good athletes that don't have it.
Twitter?
Yeah.
I'd have Instagram for the ladies.
They probably have Instagram.
For the ladies.
Their Instagram comments and messages are probably crazy, too.
I wouldn't look at those.
Do you guys look at your Instagram comments?
I've never looked at them.
I have comments.
What just happened, DMs?
Are you okay?
You can't access me
yeah i've never i do not look at my i also memes runs my instagram now oh really yeah yeah you're
real active now yeah because i realized that i just posted like once every like two weeks and
i was like this is probably stupid i do yeah so memes just runs it for me, so I don't even know what he posts. Probably awesome. Oh, who runs yours, Mook?
My sister.
Oh, okay.
You should have someone run it and just still not post.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm paying him $60,000 a year.
Not post.
They've really found your voice.
Brandon's so hurt right now.
I don't know what.
He was just sitting there, and he just went, ow.
And then he caught up. What happened? Did you get your nuts no no i just i caught it i'm gonna call it call it cramping my calf oh caught it i don't know why i just i guess i sat the wrong way
and well i got a bad charlie horse this weekend in the morning stretch the legs i don't get cramps
it's bad when you you go for that morning stretch of the legs,
then all of a sudden it just tightens up so much.
Do you hydrate well?
Yeah.
I don't hydrate well enough.
You ever have that thing where your big toe gets stuck?
No.
You can't get it back into place?
I've had my, I remember when I was in school,
I was writing one time and my fingers cramped up
and I just dropped my pencil and I couldn't move my hand,
and I thought I was having a stroke,
and it ended four seconds later.
Probably just really dehydrated.
The toe thing sucks.
Yeah.
Yeah, when it's out of it,
and you just start cramping on it.
Yeah.
You need to drink more.
I drink a lot.
Sweet tea.
Sweet tea, yeah.
Oh, I don't drink sweet tea anymore,
except at home and in restaurants. And at work. You're at home every day tea? Sweet tea, yeah. Oh, I don't drink sweet tea anymore. Except at home and in restaurants.
And at work?
You're at home every day.
And at work, yeah.
Only the places I go all the time.
Yeah.
I don't drink sweet tea on the subway.
I'm not a crazy person.
No, yeah, he does.
I do.
There you go.
Did take it with me last night to the game.
What games did you go to?
The Rangers game. Oh, you did? With who? last night to the game. What games did you go to? The Rangers game.
Oh, you did?
With who?
Nick and TJ.
Okay.
Ice.
Huh?
Word.
Thanks for the invite.
What was that?
Yeah, word.
I invited you.
Oh.
You didn't invite me?
I couldn't go.
I didn't get invited either.
Is that because I didn't invite you to the Yankees game?
I know that.
I know who got invited and who didn't.
Why didn't I get invited?
Because Brandon starts, he doesn't want to invite anybody more recognizable than him.
Tommy Smokes almost got the invite and Brandon revoked.
Yeah.
Damn.
Seriously?
You wouldn't invite me?
So it went me, TJ.
You wouldn't have gone, but I might have.
You invited me, TJ.
You don't live for when you get to go home, and I understand that.
I wasn't home.
I was here.
I invited-
I was roasting Tico's ass.
I invited Big Cat to the Yankees once and he just said
absolutely not.
I did say that.
I bet he appreciated the invite. I loved it.
I didn't invite Brandon.
I've fully got... Y'all went to the Yankees,
I didn't get invited, so why should I invite all y'all?
I didn't have enough tickets. I've fully gotten into the zone
where people don't invite me anymore
to anything because I said no so many years. It's too bad. bad yeah i felt bad saying no to brandon you didn't say no
to brandon well yes what i'm saying i felt bad because i went to say just no i think you lied
to me i would like my note account i'm not gonna say what you said did you lie oh yeah i told you
i can't because i'm amidst a depressive episode you're not not. You're fine. And asked what was wrong with you. I said, nothing. You're fine.
It's a good excuse.
You don't fucking,
no one questions that.
No, I didn't.
True, that's a great excuse.
No one's like,
fuck this guy,
bailing and flaking.
Kyle, why didn't you just say no?
How many times did you use that?
I don't like just saying no.
No would have,
you look like a flake.
No would have been fine.
No.
You don't flake if you just say no
from the get. No, because I got toake no would have been fine no you don't flake if you just say no from the get no because i i got to say no i got to deny you and come out the winner you were worried
about me yeah i was but you would have come out fine if you just said not uh not to then he
probably didn't even have a good time at the game because he was just thinking about you the whole
time what a what a masterful strokes being like you want to go to this thing no i think the way
he said it what kill myself instead.
I got plans tonight.
He didn't say I'm down.
He didn't say I'm depressed.
He said I'm in the midst of a depressive episode.
What does that even mean?
That sounds like bipolar.
He's watching a sad TV show or something.
No.
I just don't know.
You floored me.
I did go.
I went straight to Nick.
I was like, is he okay?
Yeah.
So you are good though?
Not to go to the game with you.
We did a stream
with Rudy last night. We did a crossword.
Yeah.
Crosswords are the one thing
that I still enjoy.
You are depressed.
I can't tell. It was amazing. I felt
excitement. I mean,
the ice was there. The air was crisp. It was
a good time. People had beers.
Is it a seasonal depression, or is it maybe something else?
It'd be seasonal.
It's 70 degrees outside.
It's beautiful.
When it gets dark.
It's getting dark early.
Oh, yeah.
Daylight savings.
Seasonal or regular?
That's this weekend.
It hasn't hit this week.
It hasn't hit yet.
It's on Sunday, I believe.
Next week's going to be hell on earth.
I thought we were done with this.
I think in Arizona or something, didn't they just like say we're not doing it anymore
Indiana and Arizona just always don't do it
I think they passed a bill where
It passed enough votes
Where it's going to be heard at
Whatever one of these like House of Representatives
Senate things and then can be potentially
Changed next year
I would so much rather it be dark in the morning
Yeah
It'd be light out at night.
It's hilarious that they just changed the times.
I know.
It's also hilarious because this is probably the first political thing they're voting on
that I'm passionate about.
Ever.
Now that weed's legal.
Motherfuckers, the Svalbard's are-
What?
What?
What were the words?
Svalbard's? Motherfuckers in Svalbard. Svalbard's are... What? What? What were the words? Svalbard?
The fuckers in Svalbard.
Svalbard.
Four straight months of darkness 24-7.
Oh, that's a city.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Svalbard.
Svalbard.
Where is it?
It's north of...
Way up...
Greenland?
North of Norway by the Arctic, by the North Pole.
Damn.
How many people live there?
Like 3,000.
That would fuck you up so bad.
You see those?
I think Barstool posted one.
It was from some giant bar crawl in Alaska.
And it was like 11.30 p.m. at night.
And it was bright daylight out.
And everyone's outside smoking in the sunshine.
It was like 11.30 at night.
There's some places that just doesn't get dark.
It was getting totally dark like ever.
It was getting dark really late when we were there. We went to the grocery store at 11.30. There were just families get dark. It was getting dark. It wasn't getting fully dark like ever. It was getting dark really late when we were there.
Like we went to the grocery store at 1130.
There was just like families and kids.
It was just light out.
Yeah.
I'm fascinated with the most northernmost cities in Alaska.
It used to be called Barrow.
I don't know what it's called now.
It's something like native tongue, but it is Barrow.
Look it up.
It's Barrow, but it has the northernmost high school football field in the world.
It's right on the Pacific or whatever that is up there, the Arctic.
The Arctic.
And there are no roads
in and out of that town. You can only get there by
flying. That shit fascinates me.
Yeah, this place.
And who comes to play them is my question.
How do they get their food?
It's very expensive and it comes in
boats only so often.
So you have to like prep for that.
So like if CVS is out of M&M's?
You're fucked.
Yeah.
Skittles.
You got to go with Skittles.
This place in Svalbard, Langebrun, is like the northernmost town in the world.
Really?
Does every restaurant have the same food then?
Are there restaurants?
No.
Yeah.
They have like fancy like steakhouses.
What?
Because they get tourists.
Holy shit.
That's Barrow.
That's what it used to be.
Barrow, Alaska.
Oh, my God.
How far up is this?
The fact that there's a high school there, that's damn near like child abuse if you're
raising a kid there.
Yeah, that sucks.
That sucks.
Holy shit.
Does it, though?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that sucks. That sucks. Holy shit. Does it, though? Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, probably.
Do you think that they are, are they like native people to there?
Mostly native.
Interesting.
Yeah, it's funny to have the ends of the earth be where you decided to settle.
Play with your globe today.
Huh?
I played with Kyle's globe today
I just did a little
I looked at Tanzania
And got some facts about Tanzania
Where is it?
It's in Africa
Where's the globe?
On my desk
I want to see it
It's awesome
It's a leapfrog globe
Can I get your globe?
You can get it
Okay
It's a leapfrog globe? Can I get you a globe? You can get it. Okay. It's a leapfrog globe?
Yeah, it's made by Leapfrog.
Look at Julio out there just sitting on his fatty.
Passed up.
I saw Julio.
I was watching his set.
He was doing some hip jokes about his hips, about his big old hips.
Oh, childbearing hips?
He was killing, yeah.
You think that we inspired it?
I don't know.
I think it's comfortable for him to sit on that big tush.
Yeah, definitely.
Kind of weirdly, like sideways.
It's got to be comfortable.
Yeah.
I got narrow hips.
I always feel like I'm going to fall over.
You think it would be comfortable to sit on his ass?
Would that be the experience of having his ass if you sit on it?
To have him lay down and you sit on his ass?
Almost all asses are comfortable to sit on, I think. Mine wouldn't be.
Almost all.
Really bony
asses? Bony ass
in a long car ride is a
nightmare. Yeah. You have
one? Oh, the bony ass.
I didn't know that. I got no cheeks.
I see.
No. Is it still pinchable?
Yeah. Not even close. Could it even grab something? Is it just thighs in a hole? You could say, I'm. No. Is it still pinchable? Yeah.
Not even close.
Could even grab some? Is it just thighs in a hole?
You could say I'm all thigh.
I want to see what that looks like.
My thighs don't end.
And they, yeah, it's not even pinchable because it's a firm, it's a firm ass too.
Oh.
Come here.
Come on, let us try.
Pinch those.
It's a firm, bony ass.
Are you going to get drunk tonight, Rune?
No.
Why?
I don't believe in that shit.
Yeah, you are.
Who are you going with?
My wife and my father.
Fuck yes.
That's awesome.
Trying to create a fucking memory.
Yeah.
You know what I'm talking about?
You're going to walk away with a real memory.
You know when you create a memory? Big fat dub is what you're going to walk away with a real memory. You know when you create a memory?
Big fat dub is what you're going to walk away with, bro.
Oh my god.
Remember when KB said he...
Didn't you say you didn't like memories?
I log all my best moments and my worst.
And when I go through the best, it's always like, oh, fuck.
What do you mean?
You feel dread?
Kind of.
I feel better, I've noticed, going over all the worst moments of my life. What do you mean? You feel dread? Kind of.
I feel better, I've noticed, going over all the worst moments of my life.
The fact that it's over with?
Yeah.
What's a worst moment?
Just a lot of things from wrestling, like the worst weight cuts, skin diseases.
What percentage of your best moments are behind you?
Panic attacks.
Probably a low percentage, which is tough.
No, that's good.
Yeah, that means everything's ahead of you. Oh, my God.
Fasoli's Babu coached at Barrow High School.
No way.
Oh, his uncle?
Yeah.
Is there confirmation?
What are you supposed to do with this?
You can play games.
Yeah, there's confirmation.
I want to hear what that was like.
There was an ESPN special about that.
Fasoli's babu's in it.
Jesus.
It all circles back to Fasoli.
At least his babu.
Yeah.
The Pacific is really fucking big.
Huge.
Dude, how about that shit Quiggs was talking about this morning?
The island making?
Staten Island is 20,000.
Long Island, right?
Long Island, rather, is 20,000 years old.
12,000, I think.
We don't talk about the Indian Ocean enough.
Oh, yeah, 12,000.
We're so far from it.
Slept on ocean.
Wait, what happened with Quiggs?
Long Island is only 20,000 years old.
That's it?
I think it's even younger than that.
I just said 12 and you told me 20.
No, I thought you said 20 and I said 12.
I don't know.
I could have mixed it up.
No, you're exactly right.
You know, too, Brooklyn and Staten Island used to be connected
and the Hudson River came out way behind Staten Island
on the totally other side. How do we know all that?
I've read a book about the Hudson River.
That has to be
the most boring fucking book.
That should have been a pamphlet.
I got super into the Hudson River. Why?
You know, all the way up to Troy, it's just a tidal
estuary. It's not even a fucking river. You can find
salt water all the way up in Phuket.
Lenny's really into the Hudson River too.
You know the 9-11 hackers used it to find their way down to Manhattan?
Hudson River?
That makes sense.
Yeah, I guess it's a bummer.
Find the Hudson, you're going to find Manhattan eventually.
That's true.
Did you know that, Kyle?
No.
Pretty crazy.
Oh, you were right.
What do you mean?
That was Long Island being made?
They used it.
They used.
Look at that erosion.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
I don't. What's that i don't know white stuff
that's a glacier that's a glacier oh so the ocean was not ocean now it's ocean it's hard to view it
as an island with it like kind of being connected almost yeah it's not an island right yeah it is
yeah it's so is that it's connected it's a it's a
archipelago it's connected to queens and brooklyn it's not an island it's not a river separate it
is no the east river yes the east river is part of long island yes manhattan is an island too
connecting it okay okay all right bridges got it got it got it yeah i don't consider manhattan an
island though but even if one side is a river, that's...
No, that's an island.
It is, but...
When they were digging out the Brooklyn Bridge,
they found all these ancient sheep bones and shit
because that used to be a valley.
It wasn't even...
That's not in the Hudson book.
What'd you read that in?
That was also part of the Hudson River book.
When we got down to the Manhattan area,
they were telling...
Oh, so they told stories about the East River.
That really might be the most boring book ever created.
You know, Manhattan, the rock that this is on is called Manhattan Schist.
And the only reason we're able to have these huge skyscrapers on this island
is because that rock is so perfect for digging down into and shit.
Yeah, it's like a very specific rock.
Oh.
Maybe this is a good book.
It's a good book.
What time of day would you read that book?
On the train, on the subway, at night before bed. Wow. Maybe this is a good book. It's a good book. What time of day would you read that book?
On the train, on the subway, at night before bed.
So anywhere Brandon has sweet tea.
Anywhere Brandon, yes.
I'd read that book.
They used to dump doo-doo straight into it,
like all the way up until like 1985.
Yeah.
Any towns upstream, just all their poop, they just like had tunnels.
Yeah, but everybody in Water got poop until like 1970s.
That's true.
What do you guys think the best sounds are?
Ooh, best sounds.
Are you talking about water?
Yeah.
Like a lake.
Puget.
Puget.
Puget.
Yeah, that's the only sound.
Oh, I was actually thinking of sounds.
Long Island sound
I was like when you open up
A tennis ball game
Yeah that's a smell
And a sound
And a sound
Oh that's a double
Wow
That absolutely is a sound
Dropping a cigarette
Into the toilet
Oh yeah
Yeah that's a good one
Seeing into the snow
Walking on marble
Bacon
Cooking
Oh yeah
That little sizzle
Anything that sizzles
You like walking on marble The click clack Yeah You would have loved Clemmer's nails on his laptop Bacon cooking. Oh, yeah. That little sizzle. Anything that sizzles.
You like walking on marble?
The click clack?
Yeah.
You would have loved Clemmer's nails on his laptop.
But I think marble, it also helps that usually where there's marble floors, there's high ceilings.
So there's a nice acoustic.
Are you going to lunch?
Hey, what's the Puget Sound? We've got to litigate this in a little bit.
What?
Doug's is taking Stu to lunch, and Doug's is paying for it.
And Stu told me Doug's doesn't, his job at Barstool doesn't matter
because Doug's came from millions.
His parents are billionaires.
What?
I don't know if I believe it, but Stu told me that.
What?
Yeah.
What?
What?
He's quiet money?
Rich around here got me pissed off. Quiet money is the biggest money. The quiet money is the biggest money. That's what Stu said. That's what Stu said. What? He's quiet money? Sneaky Rich around here got me pissed off.
Quiet money is the biggest money.
That's what Stu said.
What?
That's what he said.
I don't know that I believe him.
I 40% believe him.
He struggled finding the apartment and all that was so tough.
I feel like if you have billions or whatever.
It's probably bullshit.
I don't know.
Look up Gus Duggerton.
Let's see if there's anything.
Imagine if Duggs was a billionaire.
Maybe he's going to buy this.
And this is just him playing a game of normal person.
What if he's undercover bossing us?
Oh, yeah.
Long con undercover bossing us.
He was definitely lying, right?
What was the exact conversation set?
I have heard similar things, but I didn't hear that.
Really?
I mean mean billions is
unavoidable okay all right so so you could hide billions you're rich enough to told us he's going
to lunch i said who you're going to lunch with doug's and and then he adds himself it's doug's
treat and i said it's doug's treat you always take everybody out and he says yeah but doug's
doug's has it like that and i said doug's has it like what and he said yeah i don't know if you
guys know this but doug's is is for money And he doesn't care about the actual money he makes at Barstow.
That's how it went.
I said, Stu, you're lying.
What?
What kind of money, I wonder?
Yeah, yeah.
I forget how much money.
Who told me?
I feel like I heard something.
I know I heard something that he has a lot of money.
But I don't know if I heard he had it.
What's your whole conversation?
Well, he sits right in between Dougs and Frank.
I'm hearing money talks a lot.
Frank will say, why don't we take the subway?
And Dougs will say, let's take a chopper instead.
Let's take a blade.
$20,000 to get back to Jersey.
Lie right over the tunnel.
Imagine being an actual multimillionaire, even billionaire, and just being like, I'd rather multi-millionaire even billionaire and just being
like i'd rather just live like everyone else yeah yeah isn't that then wasn't there a guy
what they don't live like everyone i know even when they do they don't i know he doesn't have
there's no pressure yeah there's no worry yeah there's no shot clock and the patagonia was a
patagonia guy gave away his whole company he He sold his entire company. He donated everything.
Yeah.
He definitely still took some cash from himself.
Patagonia.
He's got probably already like a billionaire.
Like the brand.
Hobby Lobby guys sold it.
Isn't Gates going to give away all his money?
His kids are getting a little mad.
They're getting like a couple billion or some bullshit.
Isn't Gates giving away all of his money multiple times?
Yeah, you always see that.
It's regrowing.
That's the best part about money.
It just comes right back.
Once you have it, it grows.
When you have the pedophile guilt, it makes it way easier to give it away.
How much money does he have to give away to get rid of the pedophile guilt?
Well, it depends on...
Until he's down to one million.
If it's just PG-13, then he's fine.
Like, it's just like one-time donation.
He's good.
Yeah, but...
Are there tiers of...
Are there different names for levels of pedophilia?
There should be.
Oh, there's like five different words.
I forget what it is.
Oh, I don't really...
There's like a bunch of them.
It almost seems like it makes one less bad, though.
Yeah, it's hard to...
Yeah, it's a... Someone... I forget who. There's a comedian that has them. It almost seems like it makes one less bad, though. Yeah, it's hard to... Yeah, it's a...
Someone...
I forget who.
There's a comedian that has a very funny bit about that.
About just like him knowing all the names.
And he's like, actually, I'm not a pedophile.
And he's like...
And then he like explains it.
And he's like, but knowing all those names definitely makes me seem like a pedophile.
There's like...
Yeah.
I forget what it is.
I forget what they're called.
But it's like...
Idiots...
Morons are like different levels.
Those are like tiers of IQ or something like that.
Like idiot, moron, all those words are like.
Wait, what's more, what's smarter than a.
Which one's smarter?
Yeah.
Moron's worse than idiot.
Like 80 to 70 or like one of those.
Is it actually a thing?
Diagnosis.
I see that.
Diagnosis, yeah.
I shouldn't be looking up the pedophile name. Idiot and mor I see that. Diagnosis. Yeah. I'm sitting looking up
the pedophile name.
Idiot and moron.
That's a fun one.
Yeah.
That's fine.
So there's an actual
definition of like
when a person becomes
from a moron to an idiot?
Yeah.
Wow.
But imagine like
a moron like
claiming it back.
That's not funny.
When did you graduate
from moron to idiot?
Imbecile.
Wow.
Imbecile sounds like
the worst of all of them.
I feel like I'm idiot range.
Yeah.
They mean different things.
Holy shit.
What's going on with that brain?
I didn't know this.
Do do.
Those who have an IQ between 0 and 25 are idiots.
IQs between 26 and 50 are considered imbeciles.
But what's an IQ of zero?
I think it's just Terry Shivo.
Imagine this community advocating for themselves
on TikTok
or some shit like that.
Knows IQ
between 51 and 70
or moron.
So moron is the highest
form of
idiot?
Dumb dumb.
Dumb dumb.
This isn't a joke though.
Can you have an IQ
between zero and 24?
Yeah.
I didn't know.
I thought it was like
I thought baseline was
Just write your name. Yeah, you get some you get a point for being born. I thought it was like i thought just writing your name yeah you get some you get
a point for being born i thought baseline was like 50 is it i guess it's not okay i'm just wrong
i'm just having a just being able to breathe i don't know smart enough to breathe 50
so i should really start calling people imbeciles is that the meanest that's fucked up that's the
meanest one that's zero to 20 that was idiots was those idiots you know idiot is so we say idiot we throw
it out like it sounds dumb as fuck too like like you're just like picking up a
rock and trying to eat it yeah idiot with the idiot in the soul though that's
a little that's like hard to spell and say yeah It's like the bourgeoisie. It feels like a British thing to yell.
Imbecile.
Imbecile.
Yeah, imbecile.
What's in the middle, moron?
Did we get off water?
I had a water question.
We did get off water.
Were you not listening?
I was.
It was hard to...
You knew that we got off water.
Idiot.
You fucking idiot.
That's offensive.
Poland Spring. What the heck?'s offensive Poland Spring What the heck
Everybody has Poland Spring
What a question
What's the deal with Poland Spring
So we get like water deliveries of Poland Spring
Are you asking how big
Poland Spring is
There can't be that much water
What are you saying
Water is 70% of the earth.
But that's not
Poland's spring.
Poland's spring is a brand name.
They're not using one spring.
You think there's a Poland's spring?
Oh, they're not?
I actually am kind of with Chase.
They're not a Poland's spring?
I'm sure they're might be.
That's the brand name.
It's where they started up there. That's where they started. It's got to be spring water from Poland. That's the brand name. It's where they started up at.
I thought it was from Maine.
Is there not an aqua stream?
Uh-oh.
It's not in Poland.
Is Poland spring really from a spring?
Not one drop, says the lawsuit.
What?
Well, yeah, it can't be because of the poop thing.
What?
What?
You don't think water can be from springs?
That's where so much water is from.
Yeah, it's just common ground water.
Wait, so it's not from a spring?
I'm with Steven.
I'm pissed about this.
Is Fiji not from Fiji?
Fiji is from Fiji.
Fiji's not from Fiji?
Yes, it is.
Fiji's from Fiji?
So if water says spring on it, it's from a designated spring that they have to print on the bottle.
If it says purified, that means that it was tap water sent through a factory.
No, no, no.
You're talking about the difference in spring water and and purified water but this company is called poland
spring and here's where their springs are and it has purified water too no they're lying the spring
ran dry 50 years ago i knew it that's where they started you fucking knew it they're just sucking
groundwater out and calling it poland spring is the thing we're drinking water allegedly
they have a bunch of springs It's phony man-made
springs that comply with the law
so they just dug the shit a certain
way so that it can be called a spring, but it's not
really. It's just groundwater.
I love Poland Spring too.
It's really good water.
Steven was on this first.
No one else was on it.
He knew it.
I didn't do any research. I just had a bad intuition
about it. It didn't make sense research I just had a bad intuition about it
it didn't make sense
there's so much
Poland spring water out there
how much water
can be left in the spring
isn't Poland spring water
it's more of an east coast thing
I don't think they have it
on the west coast
have it down south
what's the west coast water
Arrowhead brand
is what they call it
on the west coast
but that's still them
and they're still
just sucking up ground water
the worst water
is the midwest water
what is that one brand?
It starts with an E.
I like Deer Park.
It's like slimy.
Oh, Deer Park is good.
Dasani is the worst.
I hate Dasani.
I don't mind Dasani.
I don't like that.
Dasani gets a bad rep.
Dasani's not good.
Aquafina's bad.
Aquafina's great.
You're broke.
We're tearing water from you?
We just kind of did.
I heard that Cameron Diaz bathes in, I think it's Aquafina.
There's no way.
Jerry Seinfeld used to have it in his shower.
I think maybe Aquafina in his shower as well in New York.
No way.
I believe so.
That's wealth.
That's what Doug's is doing.
Showers in Essentia.
Evian water is terrible.
I feel like we could get to the bottom of this stuff without doxing him.
Evian's not Midwest.
I feel like it's always, anytime I go to the Midwest, they have it in those airports.
Should we try to get it out of Frank?
Do you think we go spy cam?
I don't think Doug's talks to Frank.
I think Doug's just is all...
Doug's, they are chatty boys today.
Chatty, chatty boys.
Out of control today. Well, Doug's just... They are chatty boys today. Out of control today.
Doug's wants to kill himself.
Had to put the AirPods in noise-canceling mode.
What were they talking about?
I don't know. I was on noise-cancel.
You never noticed what they were talking about?
Well, he canceled the noise round.
Canceled out the noise, brother.
Or talking about Tom Coughlin's wife, who passed away.
Yeah, we sit right there, too. Tom Coughlin should be who passed away. We sit right there too.
Tom Coughlin should be in the Hall of Fame.
Tom Coughlin in the Hall of Fame.
Two Super Bowls.
I feel like some of their conversations are performative though.
They are.
Because they ride the train in together.
They look around.
I ride the train in with them.
Every now and then Frank will exclaim something very loud and no one answers and i'm like just out of politeness i'm like should i respond to that
and start chatting them up and then i do and then i do but i feel like that's what they do a lot like
someone will say something if no one else responds then they start going then they start
volgues we'll put them in check yeah it does put some in check It's like Jake and Amir.
Who's that?
Two college humor guys.
One played like the bumbling idiot.
I loved those guys.
They were great.
Very funny.
Are they both dead?
No, I think they're both doing all right.
Are they doing all right?
Good.
What do they do now?
Remember the prank wars? Streeter.
Yeah.
Streeter.
You remind me of him.
College Humor was like, actually, Barstool's office is kind of what College Humor was trying to do back in the day.
The first thing I ever got published was on College Humor. I was in 2004 or 2005, and I was so proud of myself.
I remember you said this.
Yeah.
I won't shut
up about it is the article still up it was a poem yeah we gotta find it it was i did that robert
frost like whose woods these are i do not know but it was about being a college the road less
travel it was like whose bed this is i do not know i still remember it this house might be down on
frat row shouldn't hang along hang around too long to watch his morning boner grow.
It was about being a slut.
It was about being a slut.
But it was a take on that.
Hell yeah.
Got like five likes.
Do you think everyone knew that it was an allusion to Robert Frost?
No.
No?
Not at all.
I don't know how it got up there.
It's kind of sweet, though.
I was real proud of myself.
That's pretty sweet.
Sweet.
Yeah. And that first publish feels exciting. It does. It's kind of sweet though. I was real proud of myself. That's pretty sweet. Sweet. Yeah. And that first
publish feels exciting.
It does. It says, yeah.
Sweet feeling.
Get on the internet a little bit. And that was it for 15
years. That was just bad.
Wait.
Oh, let me have another chance.
Never gotten it.
That was unnecessary
by me
the hell
Jack basketball is going to be awesome
Zah have you switched from
wearing the nails
for a week
I have been thinking about that
for the past 20 or so hours
because I feel like the week is better for content.
Wait a few hours?
Yeah.
The week is better for content.
I don't agree.
I might keep him on for the basketball game.
Oh.
I might just go the whole entire week.
The guy is down.
What I'm getting from you is that you want to do this.
I didn't want to yesterday, but
I mean, the wheel is just, so
I just gotta go gung-ho with it. Hell yeah.
That's how you just gotta do it.
But yeah, so I might come in on
Monday with him.
I was talking to my roommate.
Apparently I can't have him on for a day.
What? Like, you need
to soak him and weird
shit. I don't know what she was saying, but I explained the whole thing,
and she's the one that was like, I wouldn't do it for a day.
I'd do it for a week.
Wait, so you live with a roommate?
You live with a chick?
Let's keep moving.
Oh, Zah, I didn't know you got down like that, bro.
Nice.
Fucking your roommate?
No! But, yeah, anyway, yeah. Nice Fucking your roommate No
But yeah anyway
I might
Stop
Man
They make pornos about that
You know a guy
Fucking your roommate
Girl roommate
Fucking her
Not a girlfriend
Oh my god
Hell yes
Huh
Boy gets that
For the record
I did not say anything
Right
We got it
We know
I think there's ways
That you could do
A one day
A one day ting
Yeah
Just do the stick-ons
Yeah
Press home
Also when's the last time
You fucked your roommate
Brandon that's
Unappropriate
Moving on.
Actually, you want to guess?
Yes, you got to guess now.
Monday night.
Close.
No way!
Tuesday night. Close No way What Oh Oh Oh
Tuesday night
Back
What
Sunday
I was down
I was down bad this weekend
I had a bad spleen
So not this weekend
So further back
You had a bad spleen
Bad spleen
Yeah
Sorry Rumi
I can't fuck you
It's my spleen
Come on Tom
One more round Are you using the spleen. Come on, Tom. One more round.
Are you using the spleen excuse again?
If you don't want to fuck, we just say.
Damn.
So, wait a minute.
He fucks the most on the show.
Yeah, he's a real roommate.
Yes, a real roommate.
Without a doubt.
Wow.
That's Frank.
Did you meet her from just being roommates? I feel like I'm saying a doubt. Wow. How did you meet her from just being roommates?
I feel like I'm saying a lot.
You're saying a lot?
Yeah, dude.
You could have just said no.
We can do an ad.
Do you want an open book?
You've been blacked out on this show, and you're just completely sober spilling.
An open book.
No, he's an open book.
You want me to do an ad?
Sure, please.
Row back.
Row back performance polos, hoodies, Q-Zips, joggers.
And we're in the hoodie right now.
They're awesome.
I got this.
So is Brandon.
Use code YAK on Roback.com for generous 20% off your first purchase through the end of the week.
That's spelled R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com.
That's 20% off all polos, Q-Zips, hoodies.
Code YAK.
Make sure to jump on Roback's new print polos
to have you looking fresh and feeling good.
Roback.
So it was within the week?
We'll move on after the ad.
Right back after the ad.
He says,
trying to throw up a book.
Yeah, close.
Like eight days.
Was it roommate first and then you started fucking or
fucking first
nah lived
lived then started
fucking
whoa that's the dream
isn't it
yeah
cause you always think
like
you gotta get to know
them first before
facts facts
you don't wanna just
yeah it's good to move
in with them before
you start fucking
yeah that's right
I got the lay of the land
the best part about it
is there's no way
it could end badly
no way
no
no he's an open book though he's rocks you're the man The best part about it is there's no way it could end badly. No way.
He's an open book, though.
He's rocks.
You're the man.
He is the man.
Yeah, I kind of want to fuck this girl.
I think I'm going to ask her to be my roommate.
We're going to sign a 16-month lease together.
Oh, and it worked.
It worked exactly how I thought it might.
Oh, there was romantic interest first, and then you became roommates.
So we became roommates first.
So I was the odd man out, and I moved in when the group was already there. So technically, we met first.
Was it a group of girls?
No, it's four of us that live in a place.
So it was them three.
I was filling in for someone else's lease.
Do the other roommates know?
Or is this like a secret squirrel kind of?
The other roommates females?
I think so.
I'm not going to doctor the other ones.
But I don't know.
I mean, we live in the same house.
And they say quiet.
Fucking ain't quiet.
Fucking ain't quiet. Fucking ain't quiet.
Fucking ain't quiet.
Put it on a shirt, boy.
I need that shirt now.
I need that shirt right now.
Fucking ain't quiet.
You're a legend, dude.
Ultimate legend.
You got to get that on a quote card.
Fucking ain't quiet.
Unless my knife's on her neck.
What the fuck? Fucking ain't quiet. Unless my knife's on her neck.
What the fuck?
Fucking A.
Kyle.
Kyle.
No, Kyle.
Bad Kyle.
It's a clown boy.
That was a quote.
It's a quote.
It's a quote.
Goodness gracious.
This is one of the most newsworthy things I feel like has ever happened.
Ever.
Wait, Doug's his bitch? I feel like, but, but, Zaw, I feel like this isn't the first time you've said you have girl roommates, right?
No, it's not.
Yeah, I feel like you've brought this up many times.
But this is a different level.
This is the first time we've gotten...
I was just joking and then he just spilled it all.
Yeah, I thought you were joking.
I thought you were playing along.
You asked the questions.
You are an honest man.
I was trying to give you an out.
You've just never asked.
No, that's fine. I mean, I... I guess we never asked. We're fucking. That's all not... I was trying to give you an out. You've just never asked. No, that's fine.
I mean, I...
I guess we never asked.
We're fucking.
It's on us.
I never thought to ask.
It ain't quiet.
It ain't quiet.
What's it to hide?
Fucking ain't quiet.
So that's just fucking Dukes.
Yeah, oh yeah.
And it's loud.
That's why Owen left.
Yeah.
Too loud.
I was tired all the time.
Yeah.
Do you guys hang out outside of the apartment?
So I am a homebody.
I don't do much.
I only go to like Green Rock.
I only go to Green Rock and that's it.
So most of my hanging out is there.
You like to stay where you fuck.
Get your ice cream sandwiches and pussy.
Yeah, you never want to be too far away from where you fuck.
There it is, efficiency.
Oh, man.
Are you guys exclusive? efficiency. Oh, man. Are you guys exclusive?
No.
Oh, no.
No, but they know jealousy.
We both know.
Okay.
That's cool as hell.
It's something that we agreed on.
So we could still fuck you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank God.
I didn't want to lose that part of my daily routine.
Wow. I didn't want to lose that part of my daily routine. Wow.
I saw.
We should start talking more.
Ask each other.
KB's depressed and holding knives to brah's throats.
And Zaha's got a fucking fuck buddy under the sun.
I don't know anything about any of you guys.
Female listeners, like my mom and others, they're always like, why don't you guys ever ask about each other?
We don't.
That's like they want us to talk more about our personal lives.
I actually get so bad whenever I go on a bachelor party or a trip with friends.
I'll sit down and just almost interview them for 20 minutes just so I have something I can go back with being like
because I know that if I don't we'll just get drunk and never
tell me what you're doing.
Like tell me this, this, this.
What's your job?
Good.
Okay, cool.
What do you do for a living?
Making notes.
We have a friend in our group that we're really tight with.
We don't know what he does.
It's way too late to ask.
I feel like there's a lot of friend groups where it's like
what exactly do you do?
Let's call him. You want me to call him? Yeah, call him and ask him what he does for a ask. No, I feel like there's a lot of friend groups where it's like, what exactly do you do? Let's call him.
You want me to call him?
Yeah, call him and ask him what he does for a living.
Oh, man.
I'm really, I'm super embarrassed.
He's been my friend for like a decade.
But none of us know in the friend group.
Here, I'll pretend, call him from your phone and I'll pretend that I'm holding your phone
and I'm like, whoa, I don't know how that happened.
What do you mean? Don't worry. It's like, oh, butt dial. I got it, I got it phone I'm like whoa I don't know how that happened what do you mean don't worry
it's like oh butt dial
I got it
butt dialed you
what's up man
so who are you
what do you do
type of thing
okay fuck
alright I got it
I got it
I got it
bad bad friend
I got it
I got it
I got it
what's his name
Sock
Sock
Sock
yeah his last name's Socko
okay that's not even better his last name's Socko yeah name? Sock. Sock? Yeah, his last name's Socko. Okay.
That's not even better.
His last name's Socko?
Yeah.
Mankind Sock?
Yes, I got this.
So he's Mr. Socko?
Let him know he's live.
He'll probably say a fucking...
He'll say something bad.
At least you don't know his name.
If he doesn't answer, it's a high-power job.
Is he that close of a friend?
Yeah, he's a very good friend.
Try tomorrow.
Let's be on lunch.
All right.
Let's see if he calls back for a second.
I can get this.
I got it.
Okay.
I got it.
He's in the CIA.
How do you get to that?
If he gets called out of nowhere to be on the app, he's going to go back and listen.
So the subject was we should talk more, and now we're just calling each other friends?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We call one of your friends, Brennan.
My phone's almost dead.
Okay.
Friendless.
I have Matt.
Matt? Matt.
Who's Matt? He's a graphic designer.
Really? Whoa!
We talk typefaces
with the boy. Oh, yeah.
Look at Frankie Borelli. He's
lost some weight, I think. Frankie!
He really has. Frankie!
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Go in there.
Go in there.
I'm talking to that mic.
Where's home?
It's always something.
What are you guys going to do?
Frankie.
What's up, bro?
Dude, have you lost some weight?
No, I'm just wearing an extra baggy hoodie.
Oh, you look good.
You're tan.
Appreciate that.
Thank you. He's wearing white, too. He knows he's tan. It's extra baggy hoodie. Oh, you look good. You're tan. Appreciate that. Thank you. You look good. He's wearing white
too. He knows he's tan. It's all about
those optics. White, baggy.
Okay. Appreciate that.
Thank you very much. You look great. He's lost weight
in the face too.
What do you mean congrats on the Phillies? They haven't won anything yet.
It was a fun game. It's all about the ride, baby.
It's all about the ride. Islanders won last night
game eight of the season. I went fucking nuts.
Totally. Yo, do you know Zah is fucking his roommate?
Oh, shit.
I mean, I thought this was just staying on the act.
Can we bring people in just to break that news?
That would be awesome news.
Yeah, see you with that.
Wait, I want him to be standing next to Zah.
Yes.
No, no, no, not him because he might actually know.
Actually, I don't know if he knows her.
All right, get him, get him.
Get him, get him.
What are you doing to yourself?
You ain't met her.
You ain't met her.
That's Glennie met her?
Fuck, this might become dicey now.
Come on, hurry, Glennie.
Brandon, get Sean too.
Get Sean.
What's this Sean?
Travi.
Yeah, get him.
Hurry up. I want him to know. Yeah, get him. Hurry up.
I want him to know.
Yo, Glennie.
What's up?
Hear us?
Yeah.
Bro, you know that Zaha is fucking his roommate?
My dog!
Are you actually?
Yeah, do a double.
Have you not met her?
I never met her. Can I see a picture of her? All right, I got my OnlyFans queens getting here. I got to go. Sean, do a double. Have you not met her? I never met her.
Can I see a picture of her?
All right, I got my OnlyFans queens getting here.
I got to go.
Sean.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, he is waiting for his food.
Is it sushi?
Sean, Sean, Sean.
Get Jordan Berry.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, it's on her.
It's on her.
Wait, is Nardini in?
Nick, you want to tell?
You want to tell?
Marty. Travi, Travi. Should I get Erica? Yeah, yeah. Tra, is Nardini in? Nick, you want to tell? Yeah, Marty.
Marty.
Travi, Travi.
Should I get Erica?
Yeah, yeah.
Travi.
What am I doing?
You know Zaza's fucking his roommate?
No, I did not. Yeah.
Like that, like that.
That's all.
Is that it?
What?
Is Erica here?
Get Playboy Marty.
Oh, Gaz.
Get Gaz.
Gaz, Gaz. Yeah, Gaz. Get Gaz. Gaz.
Gaz.
Yeah, Gaz.
Gaz.
Gaz.
Gaz.
This is the best episode we've ever had.
Yeah, I like this a lot.
Gaz, get in there.
This is thrilling.
I keep refreshing my phone.
Oh, no.
I'm surprised it hasn't got back home yet.
You're an open-minded.
Did Jack Mack dig into it yet?
Jack Mack will have to do a TikTok
Guys we got something very important to tell you
I bet
Did you know Zah was fucking his roommate?
No I did not
Yeah
Fucking awesome right?
Yeah yeah
Girl or boy
Girl or guy
Whoa
Pause
Pause
Pause
I don't know
A girl dude
A girl
Nice He's still fucking her Guys you're jealous as fuck Pause. A girl, dude. A girl.
He's still fucking her.
Gaz, you're jealous as fuck.
Yeah, you want to fuck her.
Gaz wants to fuck her.
What the fuck?
You still fucking?
Yeah.
You happy?
You happy for our boy?
No prima nocta him, Gaz.
Please.
No prima nocta.
Who's Sarkaya?
It's Braveheart.
Yeah, all right.
That's it.
Thanks, Gaz. Zahn has the best thing going's Braveheart. Yeah, all right. That's it. Thanks, guys.
Zahn has the best thing going, and we're about to ruin it.
We're all secretly jealous.
He can't be doing that.
It might be like the Costanza thing where everyone realizes.
Oh, God.
Now do that.
Oh, no.
She looks mad, too. Is it a bad idea?
You'd be pissed.
Yeah.
Zahn, do you not want to do this one?
No.
Okay, all right.
I got the follow-up. I got the follow-up.
I got the follow-up.
Yeah, yeah, we're good.
Ebony, Brandon literally is trying to fuck with you.
He just put you in there for no reason.
Oh, why are you always starting some shit?
It's so annoying.
Always starting some shit.
He always does that shit.
Sorry.
He literally had nothing to do with you.
Weak-ass prank.
I just thought you wanted to know the black person here, you racist bitch.
Oh, fuck.
No, I don't like this for Brandon.
Zaw's fucking his bitch. Oh, fuck. No, I don't like this for Brandon.
Zaw's fucking his roommate.
He's out.
That's great.
That was a good pivot.
That was a good pivot.
Who else do you guys want to know?
Lurch?
Joey?
Lurch would love that.
Lurch?
Is Lurch here?
No.
He would like it. Should I tell Pat?
Should we tell Pat?
Pat?
Here comes the only fan.
Pat would love it. How do tell Pat? Pat would love it.
How do you know?
Should we tell the OnlyFans girls?
Those could be anybody.
We don't know.
Should we call them in and tell them?
That guy and Rick Owen could be anybody.
We should tell Pat, though.
I feel like Pat would really like and appreciate it.
Well, he actually has a nice view right now.
You think it's like being in OnlyFans crew?
Nice trickle down.
That's fast money.
They're balling, but I don't think they're balling
to the point of crew.
If having a crew to walk around with.
I think you could have a crew even before you're balling.
I think crew comes
before the ball.
Yeah, you're right.
Perhaps.
Broke people have crews.
I know this.
You're absolutely right.
I want to tell the world.
You know we have a loudspeaker here.
Should we just make a formal announcement?
Attention.
Whoa.
I don't want to make a...
No, no.
No, no.
I wish I could be as open as that
Yeah
Why you're fucking your roommate?
I live alone so yeah
A lot
Nick is actually having the most sex
Hey guys
Hey
Your sunglasses
Oh that guy is cool as hell
It's kind of
Yeah a little Polynesian bro
All black outfit
Sunglasses
Oh what's the worst that happens?
She moves out And then you get a new roommate, and then you just fuck her?
Actually, that's what I'm going through like every single scenario.
The fact that she hasn't texted has my fucking mind going crazy right now.
Oh, God.
That means you fuck her.
Oh.
Yeah, she's like, let him know.
Let him know, Zah.
She could be in a meeting, and it's coming.
Oh, so she listens.
Oh, no.
What?
Why did you stop us?
No, no, no.
Not actively.
Not actively.
Oh, passively.
She listens to KFC radio.
Okay, good.
Okay.
Get KFC in here now.
I'm going on that show later today.
No, but you don't even have to.
Something like this will get back to her.
Hell fights.
Do you regret this?
I'm starting to.
We could just pretend this never happened.
Yeah, let's just delete the episode.
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
You're an open book, dude, and we appreciate that.
No, I appreciate that.
It's a great episode.
You could have stopped us.
At any point.
No, it's fine.
I mean, she's anonymous.
That's what I'm saying. I'm very good at point. No, it's fine. I mean, she's anonymous. That's what I'm saying.
I'm very good at that.
She has not appeared on anything.
They're not going to find an elbow on your Instagram.
I mean, there's one stoolie that lives in my building.
That's probably the only person I know.
Why do you do this to yourself?
We'll kill him.
Stop it.
Kyle, you're going to have to kill this stoolie.
You're going to have to go kill the stoolie.
You're going to have to kill the stoolie.
You're going to have to murder the stoolie.
Knife to the throat.
Or we could frame him for killing a hooker or something like that and like have that over him all the time in case he tries to
release the information on us we could you know kind of release the information on him
i think we need to kill kate and then put her body in his apartment yeah they did that in godfather
too i think who one of the politics all because we asked zombies not saying it again I'm not I'm not
saying it's all good if
you're fucking you're
fucking man
why lie
the quote machine
how did this even start I
just said it as a joke
he said she and I was
like
no Brandon picked someone
picked up yeah but we all
heard a little moment of
silence that let us all
know
we're talking about acrylic nails unruly what do you guys listen to Someone picked up. Yeah. But we all heard she. There's a little moment of silence that let us all know.
We're talking about acrylic nails.
Unruly.
What do you guys listen to?
Yeah.
Popcon. Popcon.
Yeah.
I did like Hennessy.
Ew.
I know that you guys are getting freaky.
Viva was still just tweeted out.
Oh, no.
Viva.
Nah, it's all good. Nobody retweet that tweet. No. Oh, no. That's all good.
Nobody retweet that tweet.
Oh, shit.
Should I un-retweet it?
Oh.
Should I un-retweet it?
You already retweeted it?
Big Cat, please don't retweet it.
No, I didn't.
I did not.
I did not.
I would not.
Am I tagged?
I would not.
Yes.
Big Cat, please don't retweet it.
I'm not.
Wait, no.
He's being sarcastic.
Please don't retweet it. Okay, done. Love it, he's being sarcastic. Please don't retweet.
Okay, done.
Love it.
I'm telling you, it's like the Costanza thing.
People are like, damn, my boy fucks.
People are going to be lining up the streets for his roommate.
Glennie is proof positive that you surround yourself with this aura,
and then the aura is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes.
If you surround yourself with the fuck, you're going to become the fuck. You're-fulfilling prophecy. Yes. If you surround yourself with the fuck,
you're going to become the fuck.
You're going to fuck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We want the fuck.
No, it's not even surrounding yourself with the fuck.
It's the illusion of the fuck.
Give us a little bit of King Kunta, bro.
No, that was...
That was a manic period.
Is that finance?
Yeah.
Finance is in here every day.
Jordan Jensen.
Is that a motorcycle helmet?
It might be.
Probably a scooter helmet.
Yeah.
Look at him.
Yeah.
That's a sidecar helmet.
Yeah.
I think that if someone from George Washington's time
saw a one wheel, they'd
immediately blow their head off with a musket.
Yeah.
I think it's the most futuristic.
Wait, what do you mean a one wheel?
Like the one wheel fucking...
Oh. The thing you just stand on and zoom
around the city? They go like 800 miles per
hour. I think that's by far our most
futuristic
addition to society.
Is that a skateboard thing?
No, it's just one big wheel and you just lean
forward.
Can I see it? It goes so fast.
I feel like that would make more sense to
a George Washington era person than just
an airplane. Not even this one.
Not that. The one with the wheel.
The big wheel one. The big wheel that you straddle
and you just lean forward. Because this is even more skateboardy.
Yeah, that's skateboardy.
The one you just lean forward and zoom like a Jetson.
There's a new plane that should be out in 2030.
And it seats 500 people.
And it has no windows.
It looks horrible.
It's all built into the wing.
But I guess that's the new eco way to travel.
It's like the body of the plane is built to the wing.
I don't want to eco travel.
Go faster?
I don't think.
Oh, what the fuck?
It's just for going green.
Oh, fuck that.
United's got a new supersonic plane coming out,
I think in 2020.
Oh, we're talking.
They tried with those, right?
They were too loud.
Concord, it crashed too, didn't it?
Yeah, they're remaking it.
It's called the Boom.
That sounds, yeah, that'll be good. I thinkaking it. It's called The Boom. That sounds...
Yeah, that'll be good.
I think that's what it's called.
But yeah, it's supposed to get from...
That's it.
You've never seen someone...
Dude, people go so fucking fast on these in the streets out there.
I've never seen it.
I was on an electric street bike.
They wear like full pads too.
The ones in New York I feel like are a little bigger than this.
It's more high power.
That's like the mall thing.
Right.
This isn't the top, the high end one. There's a version-powered. That's like the mall thing. Right. This isn't the high-end one.
There's a version with a big-ass wheel that goes faster.
I was flying on a bike, an electric city bike today,
and someone zoomed past me online.
I'm going over the bridge.
Oh, shit.
I'd imagine if you wreck on that, it's probably not bad.
You're just closer to this.
Look at him go.
That looks like a ton of fun.
I feel like I'd fall in a second.
How do they not?
It doesn't seem that, like, it seems so dangerous.
I don't know if it would be fun to commute.
I see people commuting in, like, suits to work with that out there.
Getting on it would be really hard.
Yeah.
How do you get on that?
When they get on it, they get on it so confidently, though.
It's got to be, like, a ripstick.
It's all momentum.
Oh, me too.
Oh, yeah. The two-wheeled, like, it has two, like, roller blade wheels be like a ripstick. It's all momentum. Oh, me too.
It has two roller blade wheels. I could ripstick forever.
This dude's on sand.
Your legs have to be fucking exhausted
by the time you get where you're going. That doesn't seem great.
And it's got to be heavy
as hell too.
Yeah.
Doesn't look like it. He carried that with ease.
Oh, if he was really good he that with ease. Oh that's how you.
If he was really good he was just jumping.
Is that Colby?
Colby quit the show
to one wheel?
Joining this new company
up in New Hampshire.
It's kind of fucking
sweet though.
Because then too
for getting around
you have the bulky ass helmet
and then you got to carry that.
It just doesn't seem that...
I saw a couple once, and they were both, like, those people.
Oh, man.
They were full pads at a bar, and they both had their one-wheels.
You see the rich people who play, like, horse polo, but on those things?
No.
Yeah, that's, like, a real thing.
Segway polo is, like, a real rich people game.
Oh, God.
That is kind of sweet.
That is sweet.
Just riding your robot around. Oh, God. That is kind of sweet. That is sweet. Riding your robot around.
But if it's, it would probably suck to do that shit in the wilderness or whatever,
but if you're trying to whip around the city,
that could be the fastest way to get around the city.
I think I'd just stick to like a bike.
More reliable.
There they go.
Whoa.
Look at these douchebags.
I like this.
Is this number Pi?
Yes.
Yeah.
Okay. Oh. Oh. What the fuck? Look at these douchebags. Is his number Pi? Yes.
Oh, Wozniak.
What the fuck?
He probably thinks he's exercising.
Yeah, this looks goofy.
This is goofy.
That is insane.
This is some rich boy shit.
The guy's the ref.
Imagine being the ref of this sport.
These are the richest people in the world.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they all suck at sports.
I feel like... Not this, though.
I'm just speaking for me, but any guy who's really good at a sport,
like, so I'm kind of attractive about that, except for this.
Oh!
I feel like you could be the best at this
and I'm still not feeling anything.
This was a sport created by guys who suck at sport.
Yeah, that was the most
off-putting thing a human can do.
Fall off a Segway.
Yeah, on your butt.
The ball is so small, too.
There's nothing athletic about it.
Like, what's the most athletic thing you do?
How you lean?
What the hell, man?
You charged me.
The shit talking in this game must be insane.
Out of the way.
They're all billionaires, too, so they're definitely, like, entitled as fuck.
How is there not one collision?
Is that Coach Doug's dad?
Holy.
My son's at Barstool now.
He's playing with the poors.
Cute, he's enjoying it a lot.
Please guess that ass every Wednesday.
I told him he could have his fun, but he can't use his last name.
He's an alter ego.
He plays around.
He's becoming real close with this cat man.
I want to bring Frank back to his estate Frank just complains right away
That would be like the purge
Sacrifice Frank
Like get out
Another marble statue
Motherfucker
Daddy's got me walking up these stairs
They had Heinz motherfucker daddy's got me walking up these stairs they had
they had Heinz
alright we gotta go
do our show
huh Brandon
I gotta go to
Philadelphia
oh we gotta spin the wheel
damn it's already 220
time flies when you're
having fun
Nick did you shout out
that guy Sammy
oh yeah right off the
get go
for the kosher dogs
sock sock didn't call back.
What an asshole.
Fucking Sock.
We'll try him tomorrow, maybe.
Oh, I'm going to be out tomorrow.
I'm out tomorrow and Friday.
Hey, what happened there?
I'll be back Monday.
What are we doing Thanksgiving week?
Oh, he's at a work training.
At work in a training.
What are you doing?
Yeah, what kind of training? What are you training for? Yeah a training. What are you doing? Yeah, what kind of training?
What are you training for?
Yeah.
Thanksgiving, what are we doing?
Monday, Tuesday.
Monday, Tuesday what?
Yaks.
For Thanksgiving?
Oh.
Yeah, I don't know.
I might be in Los Angeles on one of those days, but we'll figure it out.
Should we do a-
A long one?
Well, I was going to say, should we do a Friendsgiving
and tape it?
That would be fucking sweet.
For the Wednesday?
You were going on Wednesday?
That would be sweet.
I don't know about
my travel schedule yet.
Yeah, we've got to look
at our schedules.
We've got some sneaky things
and we've got a lot
coming up, kind of.
It would be nice
to do a potluck.
We've got that Mac trip
in the middle of one of the weeks.
All right, we'll figure it out.
Also, buy tickets to The Dozen.
Next week.
Yeah.
Buy tickets to The Dozen for sure.
Buy tickets to the Yak-Bass.
New York City.
Everybody's playing.
New York City.
Sass will be there.
The Dozen?
Yeah.
You're coming to this.
Yeah.
He'll be there.
When is it?
Tuesday.
Oh, November 8th.
I'll go.
Criminal 5 in New York City.
Well, I'm not in it. It's not. Oh, I know. We just said it. We can't stop saying it. I'll go. Criminal 5 in New York City.
Well, I'm not in it.
Why?
It's not. I know.
We just said it.
We can't stop saying it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Spin it.
What would piss me off right now?
Are we taking kiss coins at the dozen?
Hey.
Reset it.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
We don't really need a reset right now.
But it's fun because people get pissed.
Are we doing kiss coins at the Dozen?
I took off my headphones.
Oh, are we doing kiss coins at the Dozen?
No.
No, no sanctioned events.
Oh, okay.
That's known.
Although we did kiss someone at the last one.
They just looked hot.
It's just a hot ass boy.
Yo, shout out Zaha.
Shout out Zaha.
Big shout out Zaha.
FAQ.
It's on the show so you can get your ass home.
Right?
Zaha's in trouble.
I'll do the jiggy-weedy. Outro Music