The Yak - Zlatan Ibrahimovic Pops In To Yak | The Yak 7-31-24
Episode Date: July 31, 2024Big Cat brings historical figure packs for Klemmer's card gameYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more,... visit barstool.link/barstoolyak
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Hey Yak listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Come sit right here.
He's gonna say hi for a second, Zlatan's here.
He just did a tour of the office.
He's the absolute man.
Yeah, he's the absolute man.
He's gotta go in a minute, so probably no gauntlet.
Zlatan, say hi to the Yak.
When I said that you were coming by, everyone was like, holy fucking shit.
Break all the records.
Yeah.
I watched the bicycle kick against England a thousand times.
I did too.
Is that your favorite kick?
A thousand times last night.
Yeah, especially because it was against England.
Yeah, of course.
It made it feel a little bit extra.
Yeah.
So what do you think about Barstool?
Because you just did the whole tour.
I feel like you're a Barstool guy.
I think it's a perfect place to have fun.
That's right.
It's like a big toy room.
Yeah.
Then I don't know how good you guys are in this sports,
different kind of sports.
Not good at all.
Not at all.
Apparently you have a goalkeeper that is world class
because if I miss, he must be very good.
Yeah.
He's going to be insufferable.
Yeah, you created a monster.
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to us.
Lucky I retired so I don't look too bad.
Yeah, he showed up and he gave me the best compliment ever.
He just looked at me up and down and he just goes, good size.
He kind of like grabbed my shoulder.
He's like, good size.
They made you well.
I was like, fuck yes.
I think this is an amazing place.
Compliments for everything.
Yeah.
Well, so you got a game.
So there's a game tonight.
Milan's playing Soldier Field. Tickets if anyone wants to go buy them. And then you're going to New York. You're for everything. Yeah. Well, so you got a game. So there's a game tonight. Milan's playing Soldier Field.
Tickets if anyone wants to go buy them.
And then you're going to New York.
You're doing a whole tour.
And then you're going to come on PMT at some point.
Yes.
We're going to get that set up.
So we have a preseason here.
Part of the preseason.
And we just played against City in New York Yankee Stadium, which was pretty cool.
Today we play Real Madrid.
And seventh, we play Barcelona in Baltimore.
Nice little tour.
Good stuff, good stuff.
Well, I appreciate you stopping by. I know you have
tight schedules because you had to go, but I wanted
the Yak fans to at least see you.
What's your favorite quote you've ever had?
Why be
normal when you can be great?
There we go. I love that.
What about the one where you're like, there's different systems
like Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia,
but then there's the Zlatan system?
This one
I didn't hear. This must be a new one.
Oh, okay. How often does that happen where
someone says something like, remember when you said this?
Which one was that?
Help me, because I say a lot of stuff.
Hold on, I got it.
Is it true that
lebron james sent you a jersey and you signed it and sent it back to him yeah
i can't help but laugh at how perfect i am ah yeah yeah and then there was a swedish style no
yugoslavian style of course not not. And then there is my son.
It's great.
You got great quotes. It's good.
I have a couple of them.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, thanks so much, man.
Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
Appreciate it.
Yes.
All the best.
So great eating you.
Good luck with everything.
Yeah, appreciate it.
I'll walk you guys out.
You're doing the magic.
Yeah.
They're going to see my boat.
Someone do the row back.
Oh, yeah.
Brandon.
Row back.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K dot com.
Oh, God almighty. I'll walk you out.-C-K dot com. Oh, God almighty.
God almighty.
Oh, God almighty.
Oh, God.
I told you.
Get it.
Go.
R-H-O-B-A-C-K.
God almighty.
Go, go, go.
Oh, fuck.
I'm dying.
Kill me.
Told you.
You forgot something.
Ah.
Ah.
Sorry.
You forgot your phone.
Ah. I have to do it. Oh. Ah. Ah. Sorry. You forgot your own. Ah.
I'm a video game.
Oh.
Oh.
Ah.
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Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. He smelled amazing. Oh, yeah. I bet. He's a different type of human.
Zah, you were shaking.
Yeah, Zah was like running from him.
I don't know what I said.
I don't know what happened.
It was just magical, man.
You know he's got 65.4 million followers on Instagram?
Really?
I'll say it. He's better than us.
Yeah, you made Swedish meatballs for him, right?
Yeah, I would love some Swedish meatballs.
Yeah, get them in here.
Wait, did he try them?
Oh, well, he...
Yeah, they'll be in a second.
No, he came.
That was insane.
I knew...
Originally, we were going to do a full what's for lunch, and then plans changed, but I had
some ready just for him to try, and he ate...
He came back for third, so that was...
Whoa!
Yeah.
Wow.
But then he said he forgot what Swedish food tastes like, so I don't know.
Oh.
But they were good Swedish meatballs.
I'll bring them in for you guys in like 30 minutes.
So Maresh was just in Stockholm, and he brought back two candy bars that he forgot about.
So he gave them to me, and I gave him some candy bars upstairs, like a marine in the middle.
Hey, buddy.
Oh, you actually gave them to him?
Yeah, Jopp and Plop.
He doesn't like Jopp, but he took the Plop.
He took the Plop?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, I don't know.
He must have thought it was because his team didn't tell him
that I was making meatballs for him.
I thought that was his request, but it was one of his team members
that requested it, so he's like, why the fuck are you making it?
He was a little surprised that we had Swedish meatballs,
and I'm sure the candy didn't help.
He seemed like lunatics, like stalkers.
Yeah, but he's the man
that was cool but i'll bring meatballs in for you guys to try when i turned the corner and he was
standing uh over there there there there were 10 000 people yeah it was like and none of them were
there's only he only brought like three people here it was this entire company oh yeah the
shop and plop so he didn't like job he did not like not like Jop. But Plop, because I look at that, I think Jop's better.
I don't, no, no, no.
I think Plop looks better than Jop.
He told me.
Are we sure that's Jop?
Oh.
That's how I.
Are we sure that's, no.
No, no.
I'm.
He told Big Cat he had good size.
And before he came down here, he popped into the
anus studio right after we got to him recording.
It was just me and Rudy and he looked at me
up and down like I was like prey.
He was like dissecting
what was wrong with me.
He acknowledged you. He did acknowledge me. Not as a man.
No. Did they show that
was the Yak recording and show
that Malasek blocked every goal?
We're going to have to delete that.
No, he did't. We're going to have to delete that. No, he did not.
What happened?
Oh, no.
Never mind.
Malasek literally shit his pants when he was standing in goal trying to stop.
There was poopy everywhere.
It was so embarrassing.
There was poopy everywhere?
Malasek shit himself.
A lot of plop.
And his little dick popped out.
Oh, it's no.
We got it.
We got it.
Zlatan called him a world-class goalie.
Yeah, he did.
Oh, my God. Malasek, that Yeah, he did. Oh, my God.
Malasek, that's infinity aura points.
Oh, my God.
He kicked them all right at him.
He saved them.
He kicked them right at him.
Let Malasek have this.
Yes.
Okay, you're right.
Can we talk about Stephen Che, though?
Does Malasek screenshot this and frame it?
I would.
I think he does everything to it.
Yeah, like a continuous loop.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
Oh, we should have asked him to speed walk. He probably would have loved he probably would have he would have loved that loved it did what what are you going to talk about um steven shea i saw that so zlatan's out there
and everybody's taking pictures with him everybody's walking around it's madness it's pure
madness you know big cats walking around everybody's asking for autographs whatever they're
doing while this is going on about 15 feet away shea just walked over and just did his bench reps Madness. You know, big cats walking around. Everybody's asking for autographs or whatever they're doing.
While this is going on about 15 feet away, Che just walked over and just did his bench reps in front of me.
Che, do you realize how this is our most famous guest? Oh, Che.
Oh, my God.
Why did you do it at that moment so I mean
all those people were there for I don't know
six seven minutes
I was waiting for
there was supposed to be lunch here at 1130
so I looked there's like
basically ten minutes to the show
I was like alright I can just go fucking dick around
or I can get some work in
so I got a first set in
I walked around a little bit went back and So I got a first set in. I walked around a little bit.
Went back. And then I got a second
set in. And then people started being like, what are you
doing? I'm trying
to get swole.
I wasn't anticipating the shooting
to start then. The goal shooting.
But it did.
In NFL terms for Che,
who would Zlatan be?
Tom Brady? Yeah.
Right?
Fame-wise or success-wise?
Fame?
Star power-wise?
I think star power-wise.
Fame-wise, I don't know, man.
There's no one in the NFL.
There's nobody in the NFL.
Tom Brady, if he was even more fun.
Zlatan said Kyrie Irving yesterday. Basketball was.
What was the comparison to basketball?
So he had asked me to speak to me in NBA language in terms of people that are good.
So like LeBron being one and all that.
So I called him kind of like a Kyrie Irving.
He's better than Kyrie.
In the soccer world, I mean there's –
Would you say he's fifth? He's better than Kyrie. In the soccer world, I mean, there's... Would you say he's fifth?
He's sixth?
I would say, for me, this is tough because there's a lot of positions.
For me, he's definitely top 50.
Zah, were you more nervous today than you would have been in front of a hot girl?
It's the most nervous I've ever been in my life.
He literally couldn't look at him for like five minutes.
Yeah, it was... My heart rate was at 130
while sitting down
for like a solid 10 minutes.
It was crazy.
Yeah, I'm not like nearly as much
as like a fan as you,
but like I can feel like my blood pumping.
Yeah, it was...
He's got like an aura about him.
Does he play like a
Sacha Baron Cohen
like level character?
I don't think it's a character. It's probably intentional character? I don't think it's a character.
It's probably intentional, but I don't think it's...
He tries too hard for it.
Okay.
I don't know anything about him.
I don't know.
I was just doing...
I read his Wikipedia.
Yeah.
He's a very confident man who backs it up.
We'll put it that way.
Somebody said he's kind of like Shaq.
Yeah.
Like Shaq is Shaq.
Okay.
He's a lot of time. Okay. He's a great athlete and great like Shaq. Yeah. Like Shaq is Shaq. Okay. Great athlete and great character.
Yeah.
His highlight reel is unbelievable.
It's like the most insane shit.
That 30-yard bicycle kick?
Yeah.
I watched that a lot.
It's not just that he's good.
It's that he has the audacity to try things that no one else would try because he is Zlatan.
Would he dominate the NFL if he played?
He would dominate every,
I think he would certainly dominate every sport, yeah.
I see him as speed walking, no problem, for sure.
I'm sore from that.
My shins hurt.
I think my foot arches blew out.
Did they fall down?
I think I walked too fast.
You're also wearing two different shoes today, Kate?
Oh my God.
Kate? Kate. Two different brands, Kate? Oh my God. Kate?
Kate.
Two different brands, Kate.
Kate, what the fuck?
She got Adidas and K-Swiss.
You got a Nike Air Max.
Nah, what is it?
It's a Nike Air Max.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I don't know.
My son's off daycare for two weeks.
The baby's teething.
I don't know, man. Kate, those aren't close. My son's off daycare for two weeks. The baby's teething. I don't know, man.
Kate, those aren't close.
Jesus Christ.
Wow.
I didn't notice that until right now.
Okay.
Holy shit.
I'm doing fine.
Russell, will you?
Thanks, Russell.
No, I didn't know.
We wouldn't have noticed it.
You don't think Zlatan noticed it? Yes, he did. That's why he left. Oh, my God. Oh, Russell. No, I didn't know. We wouldn't have noticed. You don't think Zlatan noticed it?
Yes, he did. That's why he left.
Oh, my God. Oh, no.
I was just about to tell him about my osteoporosis.
And then...
He called me Captain America. He did?
He did? Oh, because of your shirt?
He said, look at you, Captain America.
Is it because of the diabetes? No, it's because of the
hexagonal gem dug in on my...
He doesn't know about the diabetes. That's not apparent immediately.
It's something you can scan.
That was fun.
That was great, yeah.
Did you invite him to your house?
I mentioned my boat, but he didn't respond.
They're going to sink my boat.
Can you help?
And he didn't say anything, so I don't think he's going to help.
We can't rule him out being there tonight, right?
Yes.
We can rule him out.
Yes.
I think he has a match.
Okay.
Yeah.
He's not playing.
Well, it could get, maybe it rains here but not there,
and he says, well, what else do I have going on?
Are you hoping it rains?
I'm hoping y'all are fibbing about sinking my boat
because I don't think we should.
We don't.
Brandon, I'll speak for myself.
I don't know what the rest of the people.
I don't want to sink your boat.
Yeah.
I want to see what happens when 12 people get on your boat.
I second this.
It's for science.
It's science.
It's not like.
I will tell you worst case scenario in my head is sinking your boat.
If we all get on there and it doesn't sink,
it's not like I'm going to say more weight.
Why is it 12 people now?
It was 10.
Who would say that?
It's 10.
I want to sink it. I know you do.? It's 10. I want to sink it.
I know you do.
Kate, you also want to sink it.
I have the same kind of curiosity.
It's been consuming my thoughts.
Can we get us all on there?
And then once we're on it, if it's still floating, great.
If it starts to sink, y'all got to bail.
But then what happens once we're all on it?
What if we started to see how far?
We're not going to do tricks on it. We're not going to do tricks on it.
We're not going to do tricks on it.
Are you definitively against losing your boat?
Correct.
I do not want to lose my boat.
I value my boat very much.
I love my boat.
I love my boat.
And this all started because y'all made fun of my boat for no reason.
My boat didn't do shit to me.
But then I remember you defended that we could all get on your boat.
I was bullshitting.
Half the things I say are bullshit.
How'd it go?
Good.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, he's the man.
Did you hug him too?
Yeah, I gave him a little hug.
I mean, he likes my size.
That's the best compliment.
Sure.
Literally said, great size, and grabbed my shoulder.
I thought it was good size.
Or good size and grabbed my shoulder.
After I gave him the candy bar, did he throw it away,
give it to somebody, or put it in his pocket?
No, but it was very clear that he did not want the other one.
No.
What were the names?
We were talking about Jop and Plop.
Yeah.
He took the Plop, and Nick was like,
you don't want the Jlop?
And he's like, no.
Yeah, shout out Maresh who texted me.
He's like, do you want Jop and Plop for tomorrow?
Yeah, buddy, I do. like no yeah shout out maresh who texts me he's like do you want jop and plop for tomorrow yeah buddy i do i was saying uh i need to just say that he's coming in every day because i've never seen
this many people in the office yeah that's right they were forming like pep club cheerleader tunnel
and he in like he also laughed because he walked in and he was just like he looked one second of
the like he didn't know anything about Barstool.
I explained him the whole story and everything.
He took one second, looked at the gambling cave,
and he was just like, are these guys working?
Yeah, that's, you're right.
They're watching volleyball.
What did he call it, a giant toy place?
Yeah.
That's fair.
I wish he had scored on Malasek.
Not regulation goal.
Malasek has a highlight reel forever.
Nobody else has something like that.
Maybe Roan winning a battle rap.
That's the coolest thing anyone has done here.
Yes.
And it's wasted on Malasek who gets no women.
He's going to do nothing with that.
He's not going to go out to the bar and be like, did you guys see this. He's going to do nothing with that. He's not going to go out to the bar and be like,
did you guys see this?
He's going to do nothing with it.
Nothing.
Damn.
But good for him. I'm happy for Jake.
He kicked it right in.
He did kick it right in.
He wasn't going for it.
But he complimented Jake. Called him a world-class
goalie and keeper. Imagine.
But maybe he's laughing about that in his car now.
He could be.
Did you guys remember, Big Cat?
I did not, but I have his people's numbers.
Good.
All the people who forgot we're starting 15 minutes early, welcome.
Yes.
They're going to be pissed.
Yeah.
We did start 15.
We should just start the show whenever we want
Just randomly?
Yeah like 2 in the morning
Did Ryan get to meet Zlatan?
Yes
He was like nervous to come in today
He was?
Zod were you nervous?
My heart rate was at 145
For like a solid 15 minutes while sitting down
Wait like tracked on your bracelet
yeah i've got my shit i forgot the story about the fact that he uh fuck yeah yeah there we go
that he uh they kind of signed a jersey to lebron and gave it back unbelievable he's the best
he loves sex i wish he i wish he stayed longer.
Does he?
Is that true?
Yeah.
I mean, is sex the thing that's loved the most?
If I got outed for loving sex, I'd be rude. I think there are soccer footballers who say scoring a goal is better than sex.
And he claims that if you think that, you need to seek help.
Yeah.
He's right.
It's just not.
Right.
But is sex the most universally loved thing?
It about have to be.
Has to be.
Yeah.
What's loved more?
Make an ugly laugh.
I think a lot of people are having pleasureless sex.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, they're called women.
They're all on to it.
Oh!
Good job, fellas.
Glad you're having, glad you're enjoying it yeah it's it's
it's top three for most people yeah brandon would right now in your age your experience
would you rather have a prime cut steak or sex all right right. So the list probably goes, I'd rather have a nice, good, long solo video game session.
Yeah.
But you don't come at the end of that.
A good long day of shit.
You ain't playing the right games.
A good long day of watching sports.
A prime cut steak.
Sex is like number eight.
Wow.
Yeah.
But if you were deprived of all of that for 30 days and you got to pick one thing to do,
what would it be?
It might be sex at that point.
Yeah.
But I haven't had new sex in 20 years.
New sex is better than sex.
Well, you haven't gotten new pussy in 20 years.
Oh my.
New pussy is better than pussy.
You haven't scored new pussy in decades.
I don't know about that.
I haven't had new pussy since decades. I don't know about that. I haven't had new pussy since 2004.
No.
Oh, man.
The old pussy is good.
It's like the old baseball glove that's been worn in.
No, but new pussy is not.
There's a good vintage on the pussy.
Oh, that's a 2004 pussy.
Once you tie a rubber band around it and throw it in the freezer for a little bit, it's broken.
I'm not saying the quality of the pussy is different,
but the thrill that you get with new pussy
is unmatched.
Yeah, but that thrill equals coming in like 30 seconds
and then being like, whoops.
What do I care?
I don't know.
I would never cheat because I come too fast.
That's pretty much it.
That's the only reason.
Babe, you know I couldn't do that to you.
I couldn't because I would just basically be signing myself up for utter embarrassment.
That's all I would.
Yeah, because there was no way you would be able to keep it secret because that person would have to tell you.
Yeah, they would be like, yeah, Big Cat, he comes so fast.
Yeah, finally working up the guts to cheat.
Yeah.
Was it worth it, the 30 seconds?
Was that worth it?
Ruining your life?
It probably happens a lot.
No, it wasn't.
What?
That probably happens a lot, that exact scenario.
Of getting excited to cheat.
Cheating and then just coming really fast.
Yeah.
Yeah, like that hot office romance and late night,
working late night
and then you're like,
oh fuck, I came so fast.
Wait, you said 30 days was a long time
for you to go without sex?
That's what he said.
I didn't say that.
Since you've been married.
Oh, I don't know.
This may be too personal.
I don't know.
Old b-walk never goes more than a week.
Well, here's the good news is we're going to his house tonight so we can just go to his source.
Yeah, we can ask.
He's not allowed to talk to you.
No, we'll just examine for wear and tear.
I'm so excited for tonight.
Are you examining my wife or the bed?
It was the bed.
I was thinking the bed.
But I understand that that probably came off.
I was going to check her canal.
Zlatan's people were like, hey, we got 20 tickets to the game tonight.
Oh, fuck.
If anyone wants to go.
And I actually, I had to say verbatim, I was like, I would love to go, but we're going
to sink our friend's boat.
That fucking sucks.
And he was just like, what?
And then I had to explain the whole thing, and it still didn't sound normal.
Y'all should go to the game.
No, we're going to sink a boat tonight.
Let's not sink the boat.
Yeah, Brandon did like a, he tried to have a real talk with me and Titus this morning.
Oh, yeah.
Where he was like, hey, guys, can we not sink the boat?
And Titus and I were both like, no, dude.
I don't think we can.
I think Brandon is correct in saying we can't sink his boat.
It's his prized possession.
If we pretend to care about him, we have to honor that he cares about this more than anything in the world,
and we can't sink it.
But what I explained to him is we must.
And that's where there's a problem is because we can't do it, but we must.
We must sink the boat.
We have to let him be in control for when it sinks.
Let me throw this out there, okay?
You have to let nature be nature.
If you're going to sink my boat, you can't get in there,
and if all 12 fit and we don't sink it, you can't then start rocking.
You can't then start adding things.
You have to let me win if I win. I don't
want to fall in the lake.
I don't want to get wet.
Almost everybody's going in the lake tonight. We agree
with that? Yeah, I brought my water shirt.
I was already here when we got that text, but
I'm not saying it's TJ's
fault. We're all going to the lake.
Yeah. I brought my
lake shirt, the Phillies jersey. Nice.
So what is the plan? We're going to do a yak?
Yeah.
We're going to play some games.
We're not going to have that much daylight at the end of the yak.
Full around?
Yeah.
S'mores?
I have the fire pit ready.
Hell yeah.
I put some dried leaves and whatnot.
Those were probably already in there.
I got it ready multiple weeks ago.
Are we going to see your basement? You can see my basement. Are we going to see your basement?
You can see my basement.
Are we going to see the Ben Mintz toilet?
That is the part of the house you are allowed to see
because if anybody's going to use the toilet,
it will be, in fact, the Ben Mintz toilet.
Did you warn the neighbors?
I've warned both neighbors on either side of me.
I have not warned the whole neighborhood.
Okay.
Art knows.
How did you phrase it?
I don't know my wife
uh visited visited them yesterday and and said uh this is happening okay it's like knocking on
a door when a sex offender moves in one of them one of them's out of town and one of them said
you can use my driveway if you'd like wow oh we're probably not going to no we should i don't think
we're gonna use the driveway if they offer a driveway, we need to use the driveway.
I don't think we're going to need it.
How many pisses outside are you boys doing?
In the driveway?
I'm doing all.
Oh, that could be a pissing driveway.
It's a piss driveway.
I'm going to take a shit.
That's so nice of you.
Huge one, too.
Yep.
On the dock.
Should we get a fire going?
We can get a fire going.
That'd be easy.
Okay.
Tommy can be the fire master. Okay.ay is grilling we don't know chay's coming late so i'll be about an hour
late i'll be there ron asked me to bring some cinder blocks no see no his weight no i think
that's only fair no we bought we, we said people on this show.
We went seven and then three is ten.
It's ten people.
It's ten people.
I'm going to buy a weighted vest.
You can't add things.
I don't think we need to cheat this.
We're at 2,000 pounds.
I've been walking.
You have been walking.
2,000 pounds is a lot.
How much does an elephant weigh?
2,000 pounds.
2,000.
Imagine an elephant.
Oh, I could get an elephant on my boat.
Wait, does an elephant actually weigh 2,000 pounds?
I think an elephant's one ton, right?
It sounds right.
They're pretty big.
I'd get an elephant on my boat.
You think an elephant?
I'd get an elephant on my boat.
Oh, Zai, you're not coming?
You're going to the game?
He's got to.
I didn't know until now.
I think I might try to figure that out.
All right, well, if you can't come, we'll make sure we bring the weights.
Yeah.
We have to let Zah come to the game.
Have Big T step in for Zah.
Yeah, you get to name who you want to name.
No, no, no, no, no.
Get T.
Big T.
Big T.
We'll have neighbor boys.
We'll have people available to us, I think.
We can't have neighbor boys on camera.
No.
Neighbor boy.
Neighbor boys have to clean up the piss driveway.
Yeah.
Constantly.
After one piss, they come out like an ice crew.
Yeah.
Put the bucket in the brush.
The neighbor boys.
The neighbor boys.
Let's make them do that.
The neighbor boy piss crew.
Then let's make them eat a bunch of dust.
Yeah.
Sawdust?
Just straight, just eat dust.
Can you buy dust anywhere?
I think you can buy sawdust.
You can buy everything.
You can definitely buy dust.
How much?
Like the gray dust?
I don't know.
Like dust.
Dust bunny dust?
Bet you could.
I think there's some chromophilic boys who only eat dust.
What do their bodies look like?
What's a diet of dust look like?
Can't be good.
Corpse-like.
Why is there a little boy just peeking?
I don't know.
I want to go show him how to shoot the gun.
Yeah.
There's a boy.
The boy with the gun?
Can I go show him how to shoot the gun?
Hey, guys, I brought the cards.
Oh, fuck.
That looks like a kilo of cards.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, yeah. Wrong pocket.
Who need...
Hold on.
So they're not in actual packs.
A little test run?
We can...
You want to go...
I'm just doing my show.
Oh, they are in packs.
Brandon's trying to get out of this right now.
Two, three, four, five.
Yeah, well, we do a show at 12.
We're going to record a show at 6 at the house tonight.
Oh, my God.
Who are you talking to?
Was Zlatan on Ted Lasso?
Unless Caitlin's talked.
I think he was inspiration for...
Yeah, he was inspiration for one of that character, yeah.
But he wasn't actually in it?
I don't think he was.
Maybe he was.
I don't know.
I watched every second of that show, and I don't remember now.
He has a video game out called Slot and Legends,
and I think it's like a fighting game.
I think he might be the only character.
It's an iPhone game.
His quotes are so funny.
That would be an all-time PMT guest.
I know.
We're going to get him on.
How is his English?
Pretty good, actually.
I think he knows six languages.
Yeah, on his ex-girlfriend's
engagement gift what do you mean present
she got Zlatan only God knows who will
go wait you only God knows who will go
through and the reporter said it's hard
to ask him and Zlatan said you're
talking to him I love this amazing he's the best imagine having confidence I would it would be a better
character if he did that but was really bad just blindly confident yeah I'm god yeah an injured
Zlatan is a serious thing for any team that's great great. Yeah. Is he coaching
now? Is that... What is he? What's his
official role? He's
advisor, director.
Of the team? Yeah. So he
retired end of last season
at AC Milan and they asked him
to come back as an advisor.
Okay.
That's cool. I'm seeing if we...
I want to make sure we can post the
I wish he had scored
on Malice
I wanted him to at least
decapitate Malice
I wanted to see a little
blood come out
I think a real soccer ball
would have been the end
of Jake
it wasn't a real soccer ball?
no
no not a real net
not a real
no it's none of it's real
it's all
it's all
it's a half
half a net
all of it
a little
under inflated ball right you guys want to rip some packs? bad It's a half a net. All of it. A little thumb ball.
Underinflated ball.
Right.
You guys want to rip some packs?
Bad.
Yep.
Yeah.
Okay, so we have five.
I think we should spin the wheel and someone should have to do them.
Yeah.
And they have to just...
So how does Clemmer do it?
He will pull out the first one.
He has tape.
Puts it on his forehead.
Talks about that guy's career.
Next one.
Quick blurb about that guy's career, if he was better or not.
If he's better, puts him on the forehead.
Okay, so, and do you put tape on your forehead?
I think he has tape already, like, rolled.
So he can just put it on his forehead and then put the card up.
Unless he has a greasy forehead.
All right, so we need to get tape rolled.
Yeah.
And then we'll zoom in on the camera.
It's got to be blind. And there's five packs, so we should spin the wheel to see who to get tape rolled. Yeah. And then we'll zoom in on the camera. It's got to be blind.
And there's five packs, so we should spin the wheel to see who has to do it.
Yeah.
Ooh, I got Saddam.
Yeah, so it's best career?
Best career.
Yeah, and you have to pick one minority that had all the tools.
That's right.
Yeah, we're looking at come up, peak, and longevity.
Yeah, longevity.
You could even do looks.
You can do looks. Should we watch one of Clemmer's just to see? Yeah, I, and longevity. Yeah, longevity. You could even do looks. You can do looks.
Should we watch one of Clemmer's just to see?
Yeah, I need an example.
I'm going to open up this pack of 1988 Donruss cards
and see who had the best career.
They always come with this damn usual puzzle piece.
Can't count that because you probably win.
There you go, puzzle piece.
Okay, we start with Dave
Hengel. Outfielder
with the Mariners. Had a horrible career.
I can't imagine he's going to be up here for very
long. Bob James.
Bob James is an okay reliever
in the mid-80s.
Not much more to say than that. I mean, his name kind of says it all.
Dave Bergman. Bergman. I would say Bergman kind of says it all. Dave Bregman.
Bergman.
I would say Bregman.
It's Bergman.
He was in the 84 Tigers.
Like a guy that you have in first base.
The tape thing is so funny.
He doesn't have to.
He can hold it.
Yeah, we can just hold it.
All right.
We can hold it.
All right, so spin the wheel to see who has to go first.
Ooh, Ryan Sandberg.
Just got a statue outside of Wrigley.
Interesting.
He's been told he's wearing two different shoes yet.
What? He's wearing two. Very two different shoes.
Adidas and Nike.
I did that once. Not that.
I did brown and black
shoe by accident.
Dressed in the dark. I'm just surprised
I didn't feel it. Kyle, you've done it once.
I've done it. I did it and didn't realize.
Now I feel it. They're different brands,
different styles, different colors. Very different
feel. That's like wearing a stiletto and
a refugee flattened two-liter.
Pretty much.
How did that happen,
Kate? I don't know.
Both kids were up all night.
I have no idea. My son's off daycare all week so I
was like out in the driveway with him and then ran inside to change and then we had to bring
all the pup pug stuff in the car it's embarrassing he has 65 million followers on Instagram I know
that's pretty good is he single Zah should have asked him
good question
philosophically
oh Zah I thought of you today
all time horny hours
by Stephen Che
what
these are some good ass sounds
at like 7am yeah it was like 10am
we had our still Blue coffee meeting.
And there was like a question about like who can be contacted for something.
And Hank was like, do you know Olivia in our office?
And Steven just goes, Mun?
Do you think Olivia Mun works here?
I just looked at him and I was was like, what did you just do?
And he's like, I don't know.
It's early.
Lay off me.
Yes.
Her real name I said immediately after that.
But yeah, I had a brain misfire.
Happens.
That was Olivia who works with Munn?
Must have took a co-worker for Olivia Munn?
Yeah.
I mean, just co-worker.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah. And Paige Sporanek is our office manager.
Yeah.
Horny.
Tough.
Horny.
Billy Ray called Miley a skank.
Yeah.
About time.
Didn't she post a nude pic?
Miley did?
She might have.
That would probably feel so cathartic.
To call your daughter.
To finally call your 31-year-old daughter a whore.
Just finally.
After all those years.
After all those years of biting his tongue, he's ready to get kicked off the show.
Just let it out.
The willpower it took to bite his tongue while she was twerking on Robin Thicke.
That's got to be better than coming.
There it is. Finally being able to call out your daughter.
He looks rough.
He does.
Didn't he marry a
17-year-old or something?
He married young. I don't know.
Illegal young.
What are they doing?
I think they're transporting that carpet and they're all
doing it in their own unique way.
There's a chance, by the way, that there will
be a cold plunge in the studio
tomorrow during the act. Oh, I'd love that.
Should I figure out something to do with that?
Seems easy.
I'm not going to be here.
You'd probably die in a cold plunge anyway.
Might be one tonight. What's the lake temperature?
It's pleasant.
Wonderful.
I love you guys, and I'm fine doing this, signing up for it.
Cold plunge, run to the bathroom, spin the wheel, one person has to look at your dick.
Oh, I love it.
I'm fine.
Yeah, that just evens the playing field.
Fuck you.
Yes, I'm down for that.
But we could have a camera so you see your reaction to the tiny hole.
I'm cool with that.
I'm perfectly fine.
Yeah, no, we'll do that tomorrow.
It's a great idea.
That's genius.
Spin the wheel.
Yeah.
Just one person.
Stefan, what's going on?
Maybe they draw it.
He was looking right at me and just –
He's flustered.
There's not enough exhales in the world for that boy. All right, I got to go home.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We started early.
No, I'm taking Caitlin.
I told you 12, 1220, 1230.
No, no, no, no, 1 o'clock.
Not 1 o'clock.
1230.
What time are we getting there?
I have to do a lot of stuff.
Brandon, you can't start a show and just leave in a minute.
No, no, I have to do a lot of stuff. This isn't even't start a show and just leave it in the mail. No, no, I have to do a lot of stuff.
We can talk about everything, but I got too much stuff.
I got to take Caitlin.
We got to go buy some chairs.
There's a lot going on.
I have a ton of chairs I can bring.
I don't want your stinking ass chairs.
I have like six of those pulled out.
I don't want your stinking ass chairs.
Ta-ta.
Thanks, Steve.
All right.
Thanks, Kyle.
You're going to have a PlayStation that I can play?
I have multiple.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
You got to do a pack then.
Oh, yeah.
You got to do a pack.
But you got to do it like Clemmer.
Do we have tape?
We have tape right here.
I think they're all individually wrapped.
You said ta-ta, though, as a bye?
All right.
Yeah, I was like, yeah, same.
Don't look. Don't look. I liked it. though as a bye? Don't look.
I liked it. Can we zoom in?
Don't look. Do not look.
I'll shuffle them so you don't...
Do you want me to ball them up?
So take that first one and put it on your forehead.
I think this will clamor down. Go ahead and put the tape there?
Yeah.
And yeah, minority, you can either say it has all the tools or couldn't quite put it together.
Okay, you ready?
He'll never call one a bust.
All right, you got to say something about each person too.
All right.
All right.
Don't look at the cards.
All right, here we go.
So I'm opening a pack of political whatnot and cards.
You got gotta go.
Right off the bat.
This man certainly was idolized by certain people.
I guess he inspired a way of life that I don't necessarily always agree with.
I can't say that in my family there wasn't.
I'm just going to.
He's first.
It's Robert E. Lee.
He was. He was. Ambit E. Lee. Okay.
He was
ambitious.
Ambitious. Very important
military figure.
Would you say he was a good leader?
Short history of some countries.
But yeah, he
left a lot of junior high schools in his
way.
Rhapsodize about his legacy.
Well, I think I am talking about his legacy
i think junior highs and high schools a lot of us he had a lot of statues at one point those have
kind of dwindled in numbers through recent years he changed the game too a lot of people try to
follow in his footsteps to this day they will model their game after him yeah he's uh he had
he had quite a career quite a legacy on that man I hope we're going to replace him very, very quickly.
I don't know that we're going to... I guess this is a better career?
I would have to say the guy won two Super Bowls, so it's Ben Roethlisberger.
Ben Roethlisberger won two Super Bowls.
Any better career?
Robert E. Lee was 0-1.
There's no Roethlisberger.
There's 0-1 in his Super Bowl.
Ben Roethlisberger had some trouble off the field,
but I don't know that he had the trouble that Robert E. Lee had.
What would the –
Just stall.
You know what?
If we're talking best career, though, I got to go –
I think the next guy, this is going to be a hard career to beat.
It ended probably prematurely, but it's Martin Luther King.
Okay, nice.
Short peak.
Wait, why is he doing that? He didn't last as long as he would have wanted to. Probably prematurely, but it's Martin Luther King. Okay, nice. Short peak.
Wait, why is he in that bag?
He didn't last as long.
Why is MLK in that bag?
I don't know.
He's here, though. Martin Luther King definitely had a better career than Ben Roethlisberger or Robert E. Lee.
I think we'd all agree with that.
Hillary Clinton is next.
I'm not going to say that she had a better career than Martin Luther King, so he's going to stay on my head.
Hillary Clinton tried for the presidency, didn't get it,
so now they're rerunning a female campaign.
MLK couldn't stay on the field, though.
But boy, he left a legacy.
He did.
He really did.
A lot of streets.
A lot of streets.
Pop it up there.
I can't say that
Chris Benoit had a better career.
Chris Benoit
did not have a better career in my mind.
Again, another career cut short
for different reasons than
Martin Luther King, but he was definitely...
O.J. Simpson not heisman he had all his tools martin luther king went
to heisman uh martin luther king did not want a heisman to my knowledge okay um yeah martin
luther king had all the tools i he did and he ran oj reinvented himself after his playing he did oj
had multiple peaks yeah he had he was famous I think you might have to do it.
Yeah.
The versatility, Brandon.
Acting. You might have to do it.
Acting.
Golfing a lot.
I think OJ had a better, he certainly had a longer career than Martin.
Oh, God, I shouldn't.
No, Martin Luther King's Martin Luther King.
Okay, okay, okay.
General Colin Powell.
Okay.
General Colin Powell General Colin Powell
I don't know if there's even much to joke about
with him he was just famous for a long time
not this one
Barack Obama
not over yet
I would say Martin Luther King
his career laid the path for Barack Obama's career.
MJ LeBron. This is a classic MJ LeBron.
Yeah, I mean, Obama, though, he
realized everything.
Yeah.
Babe Ruth changed the game, and then
other guys came who were better. MLK was
speaking to plumbers, though.
Yeah.
I think
I'm going to replace Martin Luther King Jr.
with Obama.
Because, yeah, Barack Obama goes next.
Some people say you couldn't have Obama without MLK.
All right.
I had Robert E. Lee still in there.
Michael Jackson does not.
Oh, I don't know.
Oh, my God.
He was the most famous being of all time.
I don't think that's right.
Jesus existed. Oh, I don't know. Oh, my God. He was the most famous being of all time. I don't think that's right, Jesus.
Jesus existed.
Jesus and Muhammad probably both topped Michael Jackson.
What about wealth?
Is Michael Jackson wealthier than Barack Obama?
Almost.
Yes. Certainly.
Wasn't he close to bankrupt at the end?
Neverland Ranch is still in his name.
He still has an amusement park.
As far as impact on the Western world, I feel
like Michael Jackson falls a little short.
Oh, my God, no. Thriller.
It's Barack Obama. He's the first black
more influential.
Michael Jackson was the most famous
person in the world for a while. You're going to get roasted in the
comments. Wow, that's a terrible
choice.
Do you want me to change it?
You do you. No, it's completely you um what was the
last one stop trying well uh the only oh no yeah oh no obama's gonna win or i guess osama has a
too insane just by by general like this was natural selection obama
ordered the hit that killed osama yeah that true. So we've already played this battle out.
They went head-to-head.
They went head-to-head.
Obama won, so I can't.
Yeah, they played in the same era.
You think Eli Manning's better than Tom Brady?
Yeah, good point.
Oh, good point.
Yeah, but Osama doesn't have six other, seven other Super Bowls.
He's got two big wins.
Yeah.
I think he's got one big win.
The first one
was almost a loss.
Osama did have
a helmet catch too
of sorts.
Yeah.
I'm going to go
Barack Obama
as my win.
Caught one to the head.
You caught one to the head.
It was amazing.
That was uncomfortable.
Can somebody else do it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Spin the wheel.
Spin the wheel.
I think it's fun.
It is fun.
These cards are ridiculous.
I don't even remember
where I bought them.
Oh, wait.
Hold on.
Keep it up.
I got to take this.
I had Robert E. Lee and Barack Obama in the same pack.
Yeah, that's a good-ass pack.
Yeah, there's some ones that didn't make sense in that pack.
Colin Powell.
Oh, man. So Obama's your goat. Obama's my guy. didn't make sense. Colin Powell. Oh, man.
So Obama's your goat.
Obama's my guy.
Obama's your goat.
Oh, man.
All right, spin the wheel.
I want it to be Kate.
No, I'd rather it not be.
Yeah, there's some.
Oh, God.
The out here song. Come on out here
Sit in one of these seats
Get a pack
That picture Brandon is so good
Holding Osama with Obama
No context needed
Okay
I'll shuffle them up
Grab a little tape.
I might have to buy some more packs.
I might just have to rip these every now and then.
We might just put it on the wheel.
There's a lot of classics we bring back,
but this is one we've forgotten about.
I wouldn't mind doing the Windy Room again.
What was the Windy Room?
With the mousetraps in there. Oh, with the money in it. Oh, yeah.
Oh, that was it.
It's got to be lying around
somewhere, right?
If it's not, we got to get it.
I wouldn't mind
bringing back Stinky Cloud.
Yeah, because the windy room
also set up perfectly
for this office now
because the problem was
it was so loud.
We could just put it
on the other side.
Couldn't do anything else in there.
We could do other stuff
with windy room too.
Like you got to get sticky
and then go in there
and there's something gross
floating around.
I think when we retire it, we turn that into the stinky cloud yeah and have somebody and have all the stink go up yeah oh windy room filled with mousetraps
uh have to go in the cold plunge and you can't get out of the windy room until your dick gets
the right regular size until your dick is big enough to snap have a mousetrap snap
average person regular size or your regular size?
Your regular size.
Okay, all right.
I don't know what my regular size is.
Yeah.
A replacement level size.
I love it.
Or just getting in there dizzy.
Yeah.
Dizzy would be great.
Dizzy windy room?
Dizzy windy.
All right, so are you ready?
All righty.
All right, here we go.
Consider the whole career.
Whole career.
One up.
Bruce Jenner.
Okay, nice.
All right.
Quite the switch.
I've had quite the career.
Was an athlete.
There's a piece of cut-off penis in that car.
That's a penis.
That's right.
I can't really say what he did after without getting myself in trouble,
but, yeah, quite the switch switch up of career going to be.
Did his career end when?
Well, he killed a lady.
It's like when a team moves cities.
Whoever gets the penis gets the history.
All righty.
And I got Condoleezza.
That's a good one for Saw.
Condoleezza.
That's a good matchup.
Oh, Condoleezza, Condoleezza, where do I begin?
A mortal enemy of mine. That's a good matchup. Oh, Condoleezza, Condoleezza, where do I begin?
A mortal enemy of mine.
I don't know how the hell she's on the committee for the college football team.
Almost coached the Browns?
Yeah, that too.
Who was the guy who was obsessed with her,
and they found all these photos of her in his computer,
like Assad or something like that?
Some guy in the Middle East was super into her, it turns out.
Assad was a bad dude, right?
I think so.
Yeah.
I could have this wrong,
but there was some bad guy that was like,
had the hots for Condoleezza Rice.
I don't blame him.
Just kind of sex.
Look at that piece of ass.
Right now,
Zlatan's people are like,
what was that show you were on?
Yeah.
Tune in.
Don't see this.
Bruce Jenner wins.
He was bonus yak. Yeah, yeah. So he didn't count this. Bruce Jenner wins. He was bonus Jack.
So he didn't count for this episode.
All right.
I got... Wait.
Toffee had a serious obsession with Condoleezza Rice
showering her with over $200,000 in gifts
and having a famous local composer
write a song for her called Black Flower in the
White House. That's a really good one.
Look at him looking at her.
Rice on Gadolphe sounds delicious. Rice on Gaddafi sounds delicious.
Rice on Gaddafi does sound good.
I want to order that on a breach right now.
TJ's so hungry.
Rice on Gaddafi.
All right, so I got Rangel, who I don't know.
Chuck Schumer, all meeting Hillary Clinton.
Okay.
Chuck and Hillary, what can I say about them?
They are, I can say a lot, but I'm not going to say anything.
No, say it.
Don't make me say stuff.
No, say it.
Career.
Yeah, career.
Nah, cats online have been getting on me saying that I'm based and all that shit, so I'm staying
Are you based?
I thought base was good.
Base is good.
Well, it depends, I think.
I thought bass was good.
Bass can be good if you want to be bassed.
I have a little bass in me.
Okay.
I got a little bit of everything in me.
But yeah, I mean, the Bruce Jenner switch up
is going to be very hard to beat.
Okay.
On a box of Wheaties?
United Nations sanctions.
They don't work.
They don't work, so they're out.
That woman from Michigan. What's her name what's her name say her name i have no idea does it say that woman that woman from michigan oh gretchen gretchen whitmer
oh yeah she might be vice president she uh almost got kidnapped by people for covid lockdowns
ah yeah they were they were dressed up in colonial garb and tried to kidnap her.
I believe.
That's a good costume.
I don't know much about her, but shout out
the man in the corner, but we'll leave it there.
Oh, it's Donald?
You said it, not me.
J. Edgar Hoover.
That's a good damn.
Kind of similar to the first.
Bad dude. Hoover damn though.
That wasn't Herbert that did the damn?
No, that's definitely Herbert.
Diego's the FBI guy.
That was a test to see if you knew your Hoovers.
He's the vacuum guy.
And he might have killed some presidents slash other people.
Also, he had some cross-dressing, didn't he?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
No way. Yeah, I'm pretty sure thatdressing, didn't he? Oh, yeah, that's right. No way.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was like a big thing, and that's...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Nah, Bruce is on a run.
It's going to be hard to change the whole...
Now, if it was Caitlyn, would it still be up there?
You're trying to get me in trouble.
No, I'm just asking.
No, I'm kidding.
Caitlyn will be gone.
Caitlyn will be gone. Okay, okay.
Caitlin will be gone.
Barack, Barack, Barack.
Oh, no.
Is Barack going to win again?
No, Barack, Barack, Barack.
Oh, Barack, Barack.
That's killing it.
Oh, my days.
All right, he's out.
I'm not going to explain why, but he's out.
Michael Jackson.
This is actually a very tough matchup.
Because, I mean, they did somewhat similar crazy things.
Two transitions.
At the time.
Yeah, two transitions that were crazy at the time.
Both elite at what they did, music and athletes.
Yeah.
Then fucking Michael Jackson, though.
The other stuff that he did is what
just doesn't go down.
He stayed relevant.
You're going to keep Bruce Jenner on?
I'm tired of the Michael Jackson disrespect.
Yeah, get MJ up there.
You've got to draw a line.
Get MJ up on the head.
Career.
I mean, that's a career.
That man in the mirror, he's got so many
fucking hits, dude. The smudge on the career, he's got so many fucking hits, dude.
The smudge on the career for Michael Jackson is pretty smudgy, no?
Yeah, it's still kind of.
He landed prime Bacalli.
Speak with some questions about it.
Yeah, no, I can't.
I can't.
I loved Home Alone.
I can't.
Okay.
We have got Hillary again.
Hillary, the finalist. Okay. Well, she's a loser, so. Okay. We have got Hillary again. Hillary the finalist.
Okay.
Well, she's a loser, so.
Yeah.
And lastly, Joshua Primo.
Who the fuck is he and what the hell did he do?
Josh Primo.
A basketball player?
Is that just a ring?
A basketball player?
No, no, no.
He's bad.
Underage?
Was it a young?
Oh, that's what you're thinking of.
He was on the Spurs, right?
Yeah, he was on the Spurs.
Josh Primo.
When did you get these cards?
Did that happen a while ago?
Yeah, I don't know.
Oh, it says Messiah.
Indecent Exposure.
Is it Indecent Exposure?
No, that's fine.
He's a young man.
Yeah, he's on the Ontario Clippers now.
Oh, he still plays?
I don't see anything. He got suspended for for something and then did he get what oh indecent exposure primo was waived by
the spurs on october 28 2022 it was revealed that primo allegedly exposed himself several women
in november the team's sports psychologist filed a lawsuit against primo the team
alleging multiple incidents so he was showing his dick to people.
We're doing that tomorrow.
Yeah.
Caitlin can still do it.
Yeah, I guess Caitlin wins.
Caitlin wins.
All right.
Sorry, Bruce.
Bruce.
You get to keep the card.
Bruce.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Okay.
Good job, Zaha.
Those are so addicting.
Okay.
Who's up next?
Brandon had like a loaded pack.
Yeah, my pack was.
Yeah, your pack was.
There's a mojo in there.
Yeah, he had double Hillary.
A couple case hits.
I volunteer Kyle.
Yeah.
I feel like we're going to get a lot of duplicates, but.
Well, let's give it a chance.
I'll speed through it.
You need some tape?
I've got the tape over there
Brandon, why don't you get it?
I want to see Kyle do this
I kind of want to see Brandon do it again too
I smell toast
Are you dying?
Yeah, Swedish meatballs
You don't want to...
Smelling toast is a sign of a stroke.
I don't think that's...
Oh, yeah.
What if there's toast in it?
Oh, my God.
Almonds and toast.
Are you about to...
You have a stroke?
Burnt almonds?
There's a smell of food in the air.
No, I don't smell it at all.
Stick your tongue out.
No, all the way.
If it goes crooked.
All right, you're okay.
I'm not having a stroke.
Do this.
Get your hand. you gotta look at
your hand and put it on your face um i knew you wouldn't do that now that you can break a nose
you could kill okay ready kyle okay doing plumber's we could save the last two for uh later on in the
show all right pope francis one oh okay was he the nazi pope i mean obviously position is important We can save the last two for later on in the show. All right. Pope Francis I.
Oh.
Okay.
Was he the Nazi pope?
I mean, obviously position is important.
That's significant.
He's the current pope.
He's the current pope.
Yeah.
Did he exceed expectation?
How many people has he covered up for?
Thousands.
Okay.
Popes have fallen off.
Queen and Duke of Kent.
Oh.
Not just the queen.
Ohio?
Past.
Yeah.
No, the pope.
Oh.
Is the pope bigger than the queen?
Who's more well-traveled?
Who's more well-connected?
Who has better dinners?
Who has a larger following?
Yeah, the pope is the whole Catholic Church.
Both.
The head of the Catholic Church.
Venn diagram both covered for pedophiles.
Yes. Yes.
But who did it better?
The Pope, I think.
Pope, Moore, Queen.
Queen was just old?
No, I mean, Andrew, her son.
So it happened in our hometown when a priest gets in trouble for pedophilia.
Yeah.
They send them for rehabilitation.
They exile.
They exile.
They send them to Rome.
Yeah.
That's an incentive to do it.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
They're ripping me out of wheeling to go to Rome.
Did you say they send them to the minors?
Yeah, I did.
Oh, that's funny.
That's good.
I didn't even know that.
Holy shit.
That's good. Oh, fun. Okay. I didn't even know that. Holy shit. That's good.
Oh, fun.
Okay.
All right.
Deshaun Watson.
Oh.
Talk about a guy who loves to perfect his craft.
This is what it says.
Not as good as the Pope.
Okay.
Prime Deshaun?
He was a highlight reel.
If he did a little bit better in the NFL.
Won a national title.
Largest guaranteed contract.
The Pope just like the whole globe.
Okay, okay.
How many Catholics are there?
Yeah.
Michael Vick.
Now we're talking.
Yeah, now we're talking.
Now we've got a decision to make.
Now we're talking.
So the Pope obviously has a bigger position and a larger following,
but Michael Vick did more
with what he had.
The thing that you like
about this Pope seems to be the office,
not the man.
Just the position.
Michael Vick, what he's done culturally,
how influential
he's been as an athlete
and a person.
Is he Vick or Pope? Pope was on Madden. How influential he's been as an athlete and a person. Has he? Vic or Pope?
Pope.
Pope was on Madden in 2004.
Okay.
Yeah, when they brought out the hit stick.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was.
Go ahead, Steven.
Correct us.
It was 2005.
Steven?
That's a nice card.
He said that was 2008.
Go ahead.
It was 2005 hit stick.
Okay.
Did that change your life, Che?
Yeah.
I was so much further into the matter.
Well, that's the famous clip.
Remember it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You find it, TJ?
The pick central?
Megan Money and Stephen Shea clip from 05.
All right.
Go ahead.
Jefferson Davis.
First president of the Confederacy.
The KD of the Confederacy as far as output.
He was the guy, though.
He was the guy they picked.
He was their number one.
Wait, the KD?
Kevin Durant?
He's not the LeBron of the Confederacy.
He's Brooklyn Nets KD?
It's him and Robert Lee, like MJ LeBron.
Okay.
What did he do, though?
Did he get his hands dirty at all?
I think he was their face. I don't think dirty at all? I think he was their face.
I don't think he did enough.
He wasn't dirty enough.
He was just the marketing arm.
Gay rights.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
That's a wild card.
Gay rights has
had a hell of a decade.
Incredible decade. We don't even think about like
actually harassing them pete budaj might be the vice president yeah right yeah and they took the
word back we were calling everything gay and then at the in the 2010s they're impervious right back
but i i think we might have it back now yeah Yeah, has gay rights fallen off? Yeah, Will has definitely stolen it back.
One man.
If Will was in this pack, he would beat gay rights.
Yes, he would destroy it.
Setting it back.
Decades.
I'm going to go gay rights.
Okay.
They did a good job.
Yeah, but are you...
I think they're doing a little too much.
Exactly.
They just out-kicked their coverage.
Michael Jackson.
A lot of Michael Jackson disrespect.
He's the most iconic man of all time.
Thank you.
Wow.
That seems like a lot.
No.
You took more than Elvis?
I think think yes.
Yeah.
Globally.
So many decades.
Which Michael is on your head?
Is that young Michael?
Yeah, that's young Michael.
That's a parallel.
Tam.
Ray Carruth.
I don't know him.
Murdered his pregnant girlfriend.
The child lived. That's not going to get it done
against Mike. Carolina Panther.
Rice, not going to get it done.
Ray Rice.
The Benghazi hearings.
Michael Jackson is the winner.
MJ.
He needed to win one. Is there an MJ in every pack?
There might be.
Alright, see you Brandon.
We'll see you Brandon. We'll see you, Brandon.
We'll see you.
What should we bring besides the weights?
I'll bring chips.
Brandon, I might
see you if I get
up there.
Yeah, I'm ready.
I'll be home by
2 o'clock.
What are you doing?
You go.
We're going to think of a wrinkle to add for tonight.
I can't wait to lose the key to the motor.
Oh, yeah.
I can bring some of my hinge matches if you guys want.
Oh, my God.
We've got to figure out how to get them in the car on the way up there.
Are we set for car rides?
Is everyone good?
No.
Oh.
But I'm sure I will be.
Okay.
I'm driving.
Okay.
Yeah, I can drive too.
Someone, Steve?
I have a commitment I got to go to before.
Okay.
Yes, I'll be late.
I'm pumped to be at Brandon's house because I haven't been in like a real house in a long time.
You know what I mean?
Oh.
A real house. No. A spacious house. I haven't been in like a real house in a long time. You know what I mean? A real house. A spacious
house. I know what you're saying.
Oh, I guess I see what you're saying.
A place with a living room, a dining room, backyard.
You know what I mean? Yard. I miss that.
I don't get to see my parents.
Yeah, I haven't thought about that.
I've gone stretches without being in
a house. I guess living in
New York, there was not many
times I was in a house. No.
Yeah, you don't get the homey feeling anymore
being kind of on your own. Damn.
Sorry, I'm sad.
I think
you might be fishing
for an invite to my house, but it's not going to happen.
No. I already know that's
not going to happen.
Don't call me. Don't invite yourself.
You let me in your house before you knew me.
And then now you know me.
That's the thing.
When was that?
When we visited Chicago, me and Che went to your house.
I don't even think Mook was full time.
What a mistake.
Remember the Bolero?
What a mistake.
Oh, yeah.
This is when you were like, oh, Mook's the man.
Now you're like, Mook's a scumbag.
No, I don't think you're a scumbag.
I'd let you in my house. Yeah um i'd let you in my house yeah i'd let you in my house did you go yet i haven't we'll figure it out yeah we're gonna figure out a play time you need to shop for kate too kids i gotta shop for
kate oh yeah give me the word and honestly i won't anytime any day k, ask him because, I mean, do you have it all together? You know I don't.
I know I don't.
Yeah, I could use some help.
Mook, you want to house sit for me?
Oh, I would house sit.
I don't know when I would need it, but that's good to know.
Yeah.
That would be cool.
I could walk a dog.
Yeah.
Whatever you need.
Would you throw a party?
No.
Would you open drawers?
I would just want to enjoy space by myself.
Yeah, you'd be able to just hang out.
Right now I have three positions in my apartment that I just switch off and on.
Laying down on couch.
I need to get you over to my house.
Would you let him invite a girl over?
Yeah.
There you go.
Yeah.
Stay in the basement.
Okay.
How many drawers outside of the kitchen would you open? Good question. In his house. Yeah. If you stay in the basement. Okay. How many drawers outside of the kitchen would you open?
Good question.
In his house?
Yeah.
I'd beeline to medicine cabinet.
I'd probably go a little crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'd have to set some ground rules.
I don't think you'd be allowed on the second floor.
That's fair.
What about the third, fourth, or fifth?
No, there's not.
No.
Listen.
It's called a double lot for a reason.
Yeah, you wouldn't be allowed on the second floor fair first floor and basement though i wouldn't want to i don't know if i want to see
that you know what i mean i mean it's just bedrooms yeah no reason for you to go up there
yeah i wouldn't be just wandering and you would fuck on my bed and i'm actually and pretend to be
you kind of i don't think i would be upset about it yeah I don't think I would be upset about it, yeah.
I don't think I'd be upset about it.
I was always weirdly cool with it.
Yeah, I think I'd be okay with it.
I think I'd be okay with it.
I don't like it.
I was okay with it.
With other people fucking on your bed?
Yeah.
Yeah, I played the cool role.
Like, yeah, you might as well.
Did you listen, though?
Did you listen?
Have I listened?
No, it was like situations where I wasn't home in college.
Got it.
Not like a party?
You're like, yeah, go ahead.
No, that would be creepy.
Let me just get into the closet real quick.
Yeah, I wasn't like, please get in here.
You might as well get in, bro.
Between you and me.
Don't worry about the closet.
I'll be right over here.
You're good.
She's feeling you.
She's feeling you.
My bed's open.
Need a bed?
That's what the heir to the Bucky's throne was doing.
He was inviting all these people back to his party house and being like, go fuck on my
bed.
And he had cameras everywhere.
Oh.
Do you guys ever think about, sometimes it will pop in my head, I don't think I ever
washed my sheets once in college.
I can't remember any individual incident.
Right, of washing my sheets.
Like, I just don't think I did.
Towels?
Did you wash your towels?
I threw them away and bought a new one.
Yeah.
There were some really disgusting things when you think back to it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it took years off my life.
Yeah, sheets and towels, I don't.
Not cleaning the microwave.
Yep.
The fridge.
Yep.
The kitchen you didn't work.
The kitchen you just let that do.
Dishes in the sink for like five days.
Yeah.
Where it's like everything's stuck together.
Oh.
I'm trying to think.
Whoever did those.
Yeah.
Couldn't have been anyone.
Right.
How did that?
No one ever sacrificed that amount of time and effort.
No, I had a clean roommate, Chris.
Oh, yeah.
I never had one.
I thought that's why you brought women back.
There have been several guys that I went and bought like whole new bedding, comforters.
Several guys.
Several.
It was like a thing to the point where I was like talking to my therapist.
I was like, is there something wrong with the guys I'm picking that I keep?
You brought.
And it turns out there was.
There was.
Yeah.
Several different times.
Several different bedspreads.
I was like, is this still your high school stuff?
This is your stuff from high school?
And we're like a decade out?
Yeah.
Kate, this might be me stepping too far.
I'm not going to.
Have you ever been had on like a, like a on top of a sports logo yeah
what about what about what about uh what about like a cartoon yeah comic book yeah
sports superman yeah sports car sports car bed yeah yeah what about like a super bad poster here's another question how many times
yeti butts have you been had in a bunk bed oh top or bottom it's bottom i've been told i'm a power
bottom yeah a couple times a couple times yeah yeah yeah there's there's I can smell the Steelers logo spread.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, old Sheetz drinks on it.
Yeah, oh, the Boondock Saints watching Kate.
Yeah, how many times is John Belushi?
Yeah.
College.
A lot of Pink Floyd posters.
Yeah.
Yeah, the asses.
The late...
Yeah, the asses. The late Floyd asses.
Mook, I think I'm going to set up a time for you to come to my house and watch over.
Okay.
Maybe I'll just have you sleep over.
I'd trust Mook with sleeping at my home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm a pretty-
Mook is a respectable guy.
You have slept at my home.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Always have.
Yes.
Yeah.
We went through a stretch on the show where I was just called pathetic for months.
Well, no, no, no, no.
Respectable and pathetic, those can happen at the same time. They live in harmony. Yeah, we went through a stretch on this show where I was just called pathetic for months. Well, no, no, no, no.
Respectable and pathetic, those can happen at the same time. They live in harmony.
Yeah, right.
I'll take it.
Respectably pathetic.
I like the idea of a wealthy person just keeping a mook in their basement as like a little treat for them.
Like a little troll under a bridge.
Yeah, we have a mook down there.
Yeah, you're not bottom three people in this office that I would not want in my home.
No.
Not even close. Good. It's like nicky smokes no god no white socks dave no i wouldn't want white socks dave
jack is there somebody that's just like dirty oh do we have a dirty guy
i don't think so malice oh malice yeah i wouldn't want malice like in my house i have
nothing really hiding in my home if you guys came in i don't either through everything brandon might
be the low-key dirty guy i don't know could be he's got a lot of shit that he just he manteaks
every weekend and he doesn't have like a setup is he a hoarder oh he might be a hoarder that's
probably why i was scrambling to get back brand Brandon would get Taco Bell and then just leave it on the coffee table.
Does he have a dirty car?
But he'd get mad if somebody touched it.
He has a dirty car.
He does have a dirty car.
Oh, the dirtiest.
There's so much shit in it.
He eats on the drive home a lot.
Yeah.
There's a lot of bags in there.
Stu Foner's a low-key hoarder.
Yes.
Yeah.
If you've ever been in his house. A lot of knick-knacks in there. I think that's more. Maybe not a hoarder. Yes. Yeah. A lot of knickknacks in there.
I think that's more, maybe not a hoarder's the right word,
it's more that his kids moved out and he stayed in the house
and now he has all the space.
So if you go into a bedroom, there's just clothes and stuff.
Shit everywhere.
Yeah.
Because a lot of people downsize, he's not going to.
Dude, I've been in girls' bathrooms that it's like an episode of storage wars girls bathrooms they have spy books yeah they have
so much shit in there yeah shocking guys bathrooms are pretty bad they're bad hair they might be
everything yeah i can't guys bathrooms are dirty but we don't have shit in them we have like
no towel hanging on the little side. A little bit of toilet paper.
It's just grime.
It's just all grime and shit on the mirror and stuff.
My cousin lived in a house where like the shower had backed up,
but they all just kept showering in it as it got hot.
And then they would like.
Oh.
And yeah, that's bad.
That's real.
Shout out JMU.
JMU living. I'd want Nick in my house the most probably. He's real. Shout out JMU. JMU living.
I'd want Nick in my house the most, probably.
He's number one.
Yeah.
I keep a... Kyle's disgusting.
Yeah.
Nick would...
If you house sit for me,
it's going to be cleaner than...
I have kind of OCD with that.
Yeah.
I keep a pretty...
We should do this.
We should do a spin the wheel.
House swap.
House swap.
Yeah, house swap. No, sleepover. House swap apartment. There was that crab restaurant pretty we should do this we should do a spin the wheel like house house yeah house house
apartment there was that crab restaurant that you liked in new york fish cheeks
and you kept the container because you liked the smell of crab i delayed throwing it away
because i'm sorry you didn't keep the positives outweighed the negatives for a time there was a
window of time where it was delightful.
We should do this in two weeks when I'm back from Grit Week.
When everyone's here, we should do a, like, we spin a wheel.
How many people are here?
Ten?
Five hosts, five guests.
Yeah.
And then we just see what happens.
And the next day, it's like, what did you experience?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would love that.
Yeah.
Yeah. You could I would love that. Yeah. Yeah.
You could end up anywhere.
It could be enlightening too as like having outside eyes.
Right.
Like tell me what I could change.
Right.
Like real feedback.
Real criticism.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
We're going to do that.
And like I'm fine with being a little careless in my own apartment.
But once I get to someone else's space.
Yeah.
You have to be a good guest. Yes. I, I am definitely afraid of fucking their shit up.
Of doing anything, yeah.
I'm pissing like a sniper.
Oh, yeah.
Chris Kyle piss.
Chris Kyle piss.
My son pissed on me last night.
No way.
That is disrespectful.
How much piss got on you?
A good amount yeah we were
both pissing playing swords and he just missed the toilet and just all over my leg so you got
pissed on while you're pissing yeah i was pissing and i was like all of a sudden wet i was like whoa
and i was like get in the toilet he's like oh whoops for a split second did you think about
revenge i mean i was thinking about it because it's like, this is an alpha move by him. He just pissed all over me.
Oh, I would.
He went far over the toilet.
He was on one side.
I was on the other.
And he just went over the toilet all over.
Was he super apologetic?
Not really.
Did he laugh?
He kind of was.
Yeah, he kind of thought it was funny.
That was a power play.
Yeah.
I got pissed on by a five-year-old.
Pat goes all the time without using his hands.
Oh, yeah.
Is that a thing guys do?
Oh, yeah.
It makes me fucking crazy.
Oh, yeah.
And then our toddler then, that's what he thinks is the thing to do.
Yeah.
It just gets like everywhere.
No, that's a good dad.
No, I don't.
No, that's a good dad.
You got to teach him.
I pissed this week.
Got up in the middle of the night. I never really do that, but I didn't want to turn any lights on to wake anybody up. So I pissed in this week got up in the middle of the night I never really do that but I didn't want to turn any lights on to wake anybody
up so I pissed in the dark
I don't think a drop touched water
it was bad
do you guys ever pee with the lid shut
no
you know what I'll do I mean everyone knows I
piss in sinks but
if I'm at a hotel room and I'm
really tired and I don't know the
layout I'll piss in the shower or sink because I don't want to turn on the lights.
Yeah.
Like if I wake up in the middle of the night.
It's a guessing game.
Yeah, because I'm like, I don't know where the toilet is.
Do you turn on the shower real quick to like kind of clean it?
No.
Oh, dude, I tee off at hotel rooms.
Yeah.
That is, it's open play.
Yeah.
I was in one in Charlotte where when you walked in the bathroom in the dark it like sensed when you crossed the threshold and like light
under lights came on on their own
it's cool
it's nothing worse than waking up in like a hotel room
and you don't know the layout
where am I?
every time I travel I wake up very disoriented
yeah
you want to do another rip?
yeah
game time I do too it's amazing what getting an international celebrity does to morale You want to do another rip? Yeah. I miss that. Game time.
I do too.
It's amazing what getting an international celebrity does to morale.
He's just, I know that everyone told me he was cool,
but then he was somehow way cooler than even that.
He's just a fucking badass.
Okay.
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I miss him a lot.
I wish I,
there was a moment where I was like,
I think he might just hang out and never leave.
Cause he was asking a lot of questions about barstool.
And he was like,
I think he just liked the vibe here.
Cause he was like,
I was like,
you could just,
if you gave it like another half hour,
it would have turned into just a game show
where all the employees just do things for him and outpress him.
Like Che bench pressing and Malasek stopping goals and just everything.
We used to have said, should I start shooting some hoops?
Yeah, I know.
My instinct was just grab a basketball and start shooting.
Zlatan, look at me.
Zlatan, look.
What about this?
I was giving him a tour upstairs, and there was 10 people out on the court
kicking the ball around.
Yeah, right.
I do that every morning.
I had to say to him, I was like, they've never done this.
You're not lying because I walked out of recording,
and I heard you being like, they're trying to impress me.
Yeah, right.
It was so bizarre.
It's our new game.
You just invented it today?
We're trying to put the ball in the hoop without hands.
See, you just invented soccer today.
In front of Zahn.
You're used to big guests,
but by the time there was like 80
of us crowded around, did we embarrass you a little?
No. Are you like, it's to be expected?
No, because I think he's, yeah,
he's like, he's a talkative guy. And guy and i was like yeah there's a lot of fans here okay so it was cool it looked cool that
yeah yeah we care and i'd imagine here he i'm sure he gets mobbed everywhere in europe yeah
i'm here he probably probably not he could probably go yeah anywhere yeah maybe that's
underestimated i don't know enough yeah but i'd imagine he could probably go out to eat without being bothered.
Yeah.
People are like that.
They would know he's a guy, but they wouldn't know exactly what.
I don't know.
Did he ever win, Zod?
Did he ever win the Balloon de L'Or or something?
Nah, he came, was it when he played on Inter?
So when Inter won the Champions League, I believe he might have been a finalist.
Got it.
Because not for you there.
So his peak, he was one of the top five best players?
Yeah.
Strikers at the time, yeah.
I would put him there, yeah.
Yeah.
I guess he's pretty damn good.
That's a whole new level of celebrity that isn't here.
Yeah, yeah.
He would...
65 million followers.
That's a lot of followers.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm trying to put it in terms of an American athlete as well.
I think you'd almost have to get a movie star here.
How many does LeBron have?
Who's the most followed U.S. athlete?
It's got to be LeBron, right?
Katie Ledecky.
Katie Ledecky.
Yeah.
Simeon Belez.
Yeah.
Alona Mar.
Probably.
Totally.
She just hit a milli.
Probably her.
The Rock. Holy shit. Millie probably her the rock and holy shit 390
holy fuck that's so many
people that's
that's half the world
no 7 billion I'm
an idiot shit
cut cut cut cut
that cut that that's the risk of a live show, baby.
Fuck.
All right, so where's the first?
All right, so LeBron's 159.
Oh, wow. Goddamn.
Yeah.
Drake.
Who's the next on this list to come to the office?
Keep scrolling.
I don't think so.
I could see Vin Diesel.
He has that many?
Yeah, that's crazy.
What?
Priyanka, his posts fucking suck, too.
Priyanka was on Chicks in the Office, I believe.
Okay.
Yes, she was.
Let's get the NBA in here.
I think Drake would like to do the gauntlet.
I could see Beckham in here.
I could see Snoop Dogg.
Yeah.
Snoop Dogg would do it
you were not exaggerating
that anti-death guy
oh you looked him up
Brian Johnson
oh yeah
he's having a
no dying
world tour
he does like non-death
he's serious about not not just living long not
yes yeah that's like that's a level he does like you get to a level of rich where you're like i'm
just not gonna die he does don't die dinners wait what that's a good ass shirt that's i think we're
entering into a new era where death may no longer be inevitable.
Join me in a Don't Die Summit in 10 cities around the world.
10 cities. I don't.
The first one being San Francisco.
I'm going to say something.
I got to be careful.
Did that say Chicago?
Yeah, we should send somebody.
We got to have.
Should we spin the wheels?
I think we spin the wheels, send two.
Okay.
Are you going to say you hope he dies?
It would be very funny if you got hit by
a bus yeah something tragic like that would be you can't really plan for that oh there's the ice
oh is that tomorrow no it's uh pete frady's oh nice yeah so the uh the 10-year anniversary of
the ice bucket challenge is oh wow tomorrow so that's what I'm doing. There we go.
Tomorrow night.
Let's Harlem shake it.
Yeah, so we'll get in that tomorrow,
and then we'll draw each other's tiny penises.
That's big.
That's what Stefan was setting up.
So when I asked, he could have just said Pete Frady's cold tub.
Instead he said, oh, jeepers.
Cold tub.
Jeepers.
Jeepers. Who is our guy that's living forever that won Fellow Friday?
Oh, yeah, the guy that swims.
He's like an author as well.
Oh, yeah.
He was cool.
He was cool.
Yeah.
Wait, how old is this guy?
He's 46?
5'11 does feel like the right height.
He looks older than that.
5'11 feels like a good height to live for.
Is that him and his son or something?
I think he, doesn't he take his kid's blood or something?
Yeah.
Is that this guy?
It's so weird.
Oh, he's being outward about taking.
How much does your life suck though?
Because all you're thinking about is not dying.
All he's.
Wait, you see he has.
Penis shockwave therapy?
I'm going to get deep.
This, this ain't living.
No.
No.
It's the opposite.
Whoa.
He's getting penis shockwave therapy.
This guy's never lived.
He was so obsessed with not dying that he forgot to even live.
Right.
Never even lived.
Yeah.
Makes you think.
Sure you didn't die.
He's terrified of death.
Oh my God.
And he has sought to rejuvenate his...
Sorry, I'm locked in on the penis.
There's no way that guy's fun to have sex with.
He doesn't eat after 11 a.m.
What?
Goes to bed at 8.30.
Yeah, we got to go to his conference. He dinners too how much is a dinner also he wouldn't be eaten i'm gonna okay you have to go and intentionally choke how long killing yourself
how long does he have to live for you to say he was on to something forever 100 i think he's
gonna be like 150 plus. Yeah.
He'd be like, damn, that guy was right.
Good ass merch. Yeah, Don't Die
is actually great.
Yeah, we gotta go to the summit.
Bud Dwyer ourselves.
Yeah.
Can we go?
He's coming to Chicago. We should have him on the show.
I could see the tickets being like 10 grand.
Yeah.
Yeah, because his procedures to not die are probably so expensive.
Doesn't it kind of want to make you run on stage with a little hatchet and see if he can?
Try to kill him?
Yeah.
I don't know if he's immortal.
Oh.
Never mind then.
Okay.
I don't know.
That's not terrible.
What's VIP mean? What do you get?
Don't die after party He gets to come on your face
This is
Yeah that's a good
Good one Kate
That was funny
Don't die first supper.
Nice.
Half the people buying that have to be journalists.
What's Jeffersonian style?
His last name is Jefferson.
Also, what time is the supper?
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
It's Johnson.
What the fuck's Jeffersonian?
What's Jeffersonian style?
You wear a wig.
What is he doing, Jeff?
A wig.
He's doing a dinner Jeffersonian style? You wear a wig. What is he doing, Jeffers? A wig. He's doing a dinner Jeffersonian style.
Jeffersonian dinner party style dinner that was invented by Thomas Jefferson.
Bang your slaves after.
Yeah.
Impregnate them.
Wait.
So what do you do?
I can't find it
oh wait
I don't want to chart
for a dinner party what the fuck is this
graphs
moderator agenda
this they're doing a meeting
and what happens
at the meeting stays there
a one topic only
okay
hey I was thinking because we were talking about fellas did you have you guys ever seen the guy who
juggles uh fire and then always hits a nick cage pillow shot yes i have seen him out i don't know
what a pillow shot is he's out in his driveway right yeah yeah i have a fell I have a couple fellas.
You guys never seen that sentence,
didn't ring a bell? No.
The string of words together have never been sung. A guy juggles fire
and then hits a Nick Cage
pillow shot? Yeah, that's...
He went super viral
recently. Wait, I gotta find the fire
one. Oh, yeah, here it is.
Yeah, he... Hold on, TJ, use this one. What just happened in there? recently wait i gotta find the fire one where's the oh yeah here it is yeah he uh oh shit well
hold on tj use this one what just happened in there erupting in the gambling cave working hard
i feel like all the good olympic stuff's over the gymnastics the swim or swimming still going rugby
is done basketball basketball still going track just started really oh track didn't start yet
okay track didn't start
did you hear there's like a controversy that it's a slow pool yeah yeah because it's shallow
yeah the french made it a slow pool to get back to the u.s i love did it work uh even bad i have
no idea it's like notre dame used to grow out the grass yeah right slow down usc when they
yeah came to south bend that was the thing in China, too, with the Olympics.
This is a guy.
See?
Nick Cage shot.
I should have guessed.
Damn.
And then he juggles fire.
Oh, what is he doing?
I haven't seen this one.
He's going upside down.
Is that an inversion table?
Yeah.
Oh, boy. No way. No fucking table yeah oh boy no no fucking way no way
there's just no way
oh my god wow yeah but the nick cage shot is always pretty sick
every time it's a good combo he went right into the fire that is majestic
yeah he has like old tennis rackets he does stuff with wow
here nick cage shot
i'm broken jarwoods nicholas cage that's luna the dog we're trying to get luna the dog to not
bite the nicholas cage fellow she loves biting nicholas cage you know. He's doing devil sticks.
Oh, he's awesome.
Wow.
He makes it every time.
This is beautiful.
Wow.
He has skeletons in his closet
Oh yeah
Literally
Maybe in that car
Yeah he's killed
Let them decay
Oh
With a flaming cheeseburger
Number one
Around the circumference
Number two
Not as dramatic
But still valid
I'm sorry it's off to the edge
I'm gonna throw it up Two to three feet and then catch it.
You still have to be precise in this.
Yeah.
Number three, by far the most difficult of the Flaming Cheeseburger tricks.
Catch it in the bottom and then catch it back up on top.
Everyone knows this is by far. Here we go. Down into the bottom And then catch it Everyone knows this is by far
Down into the bottom
Spin it around the bottom
I like to imagine in the house next door
Like the mom is in hospice there
Dying as she's seeing this
That is by far the most
Flaming cheeseburger trick
Imagine a son bringing like his date home for the first time.
He's like, that's my dad in the fucking garden.
Oh!
Oh my God.
That's cool.
Take care, everybody.
Thank you.
Is he the GOAT of this?
I think he is.
He's got to be.
He's top five.
Yeah.
Too soon to tell.
They do not have enough likes.
Welcome back to the Broken Drug Law Show.
On location in Cerritos, California,
one of the comments I get most often is,
what's the hardest trick you do?
I'm going to show you.
It's not fire.
It's not bowling ball.
It's not hatchets.
It is trying to do two little spinny things at the same time.
You've got to come up with a better name.
Yeah.
This is so difficult.
So difficult.
I have to think. I have to open up my a better name. Yeah. This is so difficult. So difficult. I have to think.
I have to open up my vision to get both things in there and try to keep them going at the
same time and correct both hands.
Oh, you see.
He's talented.
It's very close to the edge.
He's too good for me to realize how hard it is.
Yeah.
Which is a big issue.
Jay, by the end of the week, do you think you could do such a thing?
Definitely not.
I can juggle, like, tennis balls, but that's it.
You can't juggle tennis balls.
I can.
Not, like, crazy well.
No, you can't.
I can't, like, throw up in the air and, like, do crazy tricks.
You can't juggle.
You could juggle three tennis balls.
Yeah.
No.
No way.
I think I'm with Che.
I think most people can.
I can.
Not most people.
Not even close.
Go juggle three tennis balls I might use wiffle balls
If I can't find tennis balls
But yeah same shit
That's way easier
Are wiffle balls easier?
No
Why harder?
Less of a grip
Yeah not as grippy
Yeah so that's my
Nick Cage juggler guy
He's a great fella
I'm happy you guys got
Yeah he's too big for a fella.
He was on America's Got Talent.
Oh, he was?
Yeah.
So we had a big guest on today, obviously.
But is there rumors of a bigger guest that you've reached out to appearing?
Who?
I think you reached out to him earlier this week.
Oh, the Boom and Doom guys?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're going to collab.
The office would be even more people. we're gonna collab i think we're gonna start with a collab and then we'll maybe
invite them amazing yeah it's official yeah no they're in they're in on the collab so what do
we have in mind i was like i don't you guys tell yeah you guys are the career the idea guys yeah
i don't want to deal with the cousin.
Yeah, we should probably make some demands.
The stinky cheese cousin?
We need the Rizzler.
We need Rizzler.
Rizzler has to be there.
Maybe Johnny Pancakes.
Is that his name?
Jason Pancake.
Jason Pancake.
Jason Pancake.
All right, Che.
Can you guys juggle?
No.
A little bit, but not for sure. I guess he can.
I'm looking at him right now.
You can, right?
I can, but I also never attempted to learn.
Okay.
He's being cocky about it.
It's nothing crazy special.
Shit.
I can do it easily.
Fuck.
You can juggle.
Now light them on fire.
No, I'm serious.
Jay, want to hit me in the ass?
Yeah.
That was the next step.
Do you guys play red button high school?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why is he doing this?
I don't know
That was back of balls
Was that sack?
That was B-O-B
Did he get you sack?
Did he back sack?
I didn't feel it but I'm not doing that
That was very close to sack
I don't think the back of my balls have ever been hit
Front of my balls, relentlessly.
Yeah, back sack would...
Back sack.
That hurt more or less.
I think it might hurt more.
That's virgin ball.
Yeah, when did we ever...
Back sack, it's no love.
Or hate.
It gets a lot of camera time on film.
Yeah, that's true, it does.
That shot always sucks.
Yeah.
I hate it.
Yuck. It does. That shot always sucks. Yeah. I hate it. Yuck.
Yuck.
Hey, did you guys watch that new Jake Gyllenhaal show on Apple TV?
Binged it.
Awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Nick was saying, yeah.
Binged it.
What's it called?
Presumed Innocent.
Apple TV got some bangers.
Gyllenhaal can act his fucking dick off.
He's good.
He's damn good
Yeah
He's a little too muscular
Yeah
He's got the Roadhouse body
He's still got the Roadhouse
Yeah
A little too muscular
Jerry what's going on?
Roadhouse was
Did you watch Roadhouse?
It was never supposed to be good
I understand that
But like
Wait the original,
the set,
the Gyllenhaal.
Oh,
okay.
As I was watching it,
I had to stop watching it cause I was so distracted by how good a shape he was.
Yeah.
He's actually taking me out of the movie.
I was just like staring at his pecs.
He's that counting the veins in his pecs and shit.
He plays a lawyer in this and it's like,
he's too jacked to be a lawyer.
Yeah.
He doesn't have the time.
They have to show him swimming every morning to make it believable.
I didn't watch the new Roadhouse because the first one's so perfect.
First one was perfect, yeah.
I didn't watch Second Point Break because I don't want to do that.
Is there a movie you hold so near and dear you'd be upset if they remade it?
Roadhouse Point Break.
Yeah.
Pretty much it.
Tremors for me.
My most watched movie. What is Tremors? The underground worms. Kevinfriend. Yeah. Pretty much it. Tremors for me. My most watched movie.
What is Tremors?
The Underground Worms.
Kevin Bacon.
Oh.
I would say the original Star Wars trilogy.
You've never seen Tremors?
No, I've never seen a movie.
Oh, that was huge.
They ever remade those?
What have they ever...
Not remade?
The original Star Wars trilogy.
Yeah.
They remade more movies.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it would sully the name.
Of that epic saga.
That's Twister I'm afraid to watch
Cause I loved the first one
Is it a sequel or a remake or is it just
I think it's just a remake right
It's just another movie about tornadoes
With the same font
Is there any carry over
I don't remember the original
That's another classic movie made for 12 year olds
Swedish Meatballs
Oh hell yeah
Do you have like breadcrumbs That's another classic movie made for 12-year-olds. Swedish meatballs. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. About to get another ball shot in the show.
Do you have, like, breadcrumbs in them?
Ah, there are.
Ah, I see what you're trying to do to me.
I'm going to let them have it.
I already had two.
They're really good.
Oh, they look super good.
They're really good.
They're glazed.
Thank you, Donnie.
Does the original recipe call for horse, Donnie?
You can make them with horse.
Yeah.
You can make them with horse?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I can kind of find horse.
That's probably a good thing to do.
Thank you.
This looks amazing.
Really good.
Oh.
I want to buy some furniture.
We should have Jerry do a pack.
Oh, yeah, we should.
Yeah.
Yes, we should.
Jerry.
Thank you.
Yeah, Jerry should do a pack.
Tell him we're on a 10-second delay, too.
You want to spin to see who does the other pack and then Jerry will do one?
That's a good ball.
Oh, it might be you, Titus.
Mookie.
Yeah.
Okay, Mook, you're up.
All right.
This is T.
Check him out. I got to pee too
you guys both gotta pee
I got the flow
Kate how do you like the flow
do I need a haircut
no it looks good looks good yeah it does you're hitting flow? Do I need a haircut? No, it looks good.
Looks good?
Yeah, it does.
You're hitting a good spot.
I would keep it going a little longer, actually.
Thank you.
You got a big old forehead.
All right.
Wait, Jerry.
Yeah, I want him to be able to watch
He's not going to understand it otherwise
Where is he?
Don't get that close, TJ
Please, for the love of God
How'd we score Tropicana?
Yeah
Nice
We're in the OJ game.
What's he doing?
Yeah, we did score Tropicana.
That's a good get.
Really good get.
Oh, I got a ride to Cincy.
Oh, nice.
Going with, shout out, Sam Lauderdale.
Oh, of course.
Yeah.
By the way, Ruff and Rowdy's coming up, I think.
What's Jonathan Sandoz fighting? Sandoz.
Yeah, Sandoz is fighting.
Sandoz and Mikey Betts.
Yeah, Mikey Betts.
First naval brother.
Good card.
Great.
Where is it going to be?
Wheeling.
Oh, back in Wheeling.
Yeah, Nick is going to be on the broadcast, so everyone please buy.
It's next Friday.
Saw some shit talking.
Not bad.
Yeah.
It's real good.
Where the fuck is Jerry?
Do the High Noon ad read.
Someone.
Jerry's right there.
He's talking tubs.
The moment everyone has been waiting for is finally here.
The High Noon Pool Pack is back.
So grab a case, text the group, and get your friends to the nearest pool.
It's only here for this summer, so now's the time to enjoy lime, peach,
and two limited edition flavors, guava and kiwi.
As always, the High Noon Pool Pack is made with real vodka and real juice,
has 100 calories, is gluten-free, and no added sugar.
Visit highnoonsunsips.com to find a pack near you.
Delicious drink.
That's a big ice pool.
Yeah, so we're doing a...
We can get everybody in there.
We could cram the top.
Yeah, we're doing a Doug Stream Tomorrow ALS Challenge,
raising money.
Come here, sit down.
We're ripping cards the Clemmer way.
Did you see it?
The Connor way? The Clemmer way. No, I didn't cards the Clemmer way. Did you see it? The Connor way?
The Clemmer way.
No, I didn't see the Clemmer way.
So you just take the card, and then you have to say, like,
you talk about the person and then how their career was,
and then if you have someone on your head,
like, say you have who's Eli Manning.
Okay.
And then you rip Tom Brady.
Tom Brady had a better career than he goes on your head.
You have to talk about why
that person's going on your forehead.
Gotcha. Okay. Actually, should Jerry go
first? Yeah. Give him this pack, too.
You could do all of them.
How am I going to let it stick to the head?
We'll combine
the packs. You do the last two packs.
Okay. You can't look until you to the head. We'll combine the packs. You do the last two packs. Okay.
You can't look until you see the person.
What do you mean I can't look?
Don't look at what's next and then pull it. Yeah.
Alright. Do all of them.
Alright. You need a tape.
Yeah, tape.
Can you give me the tape?
I've got the tape. And if I's go. I got the tape right here.
And if I don't know somebody...
You can...
Talk it out.
We'll help you.
Yes, yeah.
All right.
Read the back of the card.
Look at their stats.
Is your pack loaded, Mook?
What's up?
Your pack was loaded?
Yeah, it was loaded.
All right, the first one.
I kind of know who he is.
I want to say...
I think he committed suicide.
Okay.
I'm not sure, though.
I think he is. He's a wrestler. Okay. You can say it. You can say his name.. I'm not sure, though. I think he is.
He's a wrestler.
Okay.
You can say it.
Chris Benoit.
Yeah, sad.
You have to go on your head, though, because he's the first one.
Good career.
World champion wrestler.
Yeah, there you go.
All right.
Technically, how was he?
He was pretty good, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Next.
Can I look?
Yeah.
Bad guy.
Oh, no.
Really bad guy. Osama Bin Laden. Okay. Bad guy. Oh, no. Really bad guy.
Osama Bin Laden.
Okay, all right.
He's out.
Who had a better career?
Chris Benoit or Osama Bin Laden.
Based on what their goals were?
What their goals were?
Yeah, who accomplished what?
Impact.
Bin Laden.
Okay, so he's got to go on your head.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Okay, these are just
This is a fake deck
What do you mean it's not a fake deck
You're holding it
Hillary Clinton
Oh jeez
I'm out on her
But she's better than Osama Bin Laden
Osama Bin Laden did 9-11
Who had a better career?
You gotta go Hillary
His is over
You can't have
Well his is over yeah but
Yeah
He had
In accomplishing his goals He had a better career You gotta get Hillary up there is over. Well, his is over, yeah, but in accomplishing his goals,
he had a better career. You gotta get Hillary up there.
I don't think so.
He killed so many Americans.
That was his goal.
Think about all the little girls.
Get Hillary up there.
She inspired. You just don't want to be
screenshot with Obama. I mean,
Osama. Yeah. I almost said Obama too
before. Okay. Alright. Just look in the camera realama. Yeah. I almost said Obama, too, before. Okay. Alright. So wait,
just look in the camera real quick. Yeah.
Alright. Hillary? Ready?
He's with her.
Nice. Okay.
I have no idea
who this is. Say the names.
Queen, Platinum Jubilee, Duchess Kate.
Oh. Out, right?
Yeah. Oh, she is. Nepo.
Yeah, not a good... Andrew Cuomo. Oh. Uh, yeah. Out, right? Yeah. No, she is. Nepo, right? Yeah, not a good...
Andrew Cuomo.
Oh.
Yeah.
Bad guy.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah, no.
He switched to being a good guy, though, I think.
What's good guy, bad guy?
He did switch.
He switched.
Yeah.
He retracted a couple of his statements.
That's some of the hardest things to do.
Yeah.
Andrew is the older brother.
He was the guy...
The nipples.
Nipple ring.
Yeah.
Yes. Yeah. I still think we stick with Hillary.
She stayed with her husband through some serious trials and tribulations.
Michael Vick.
Excellent quarterback.
Pretty much was one of the first scramble type of quarterbacks.
All the tools. He had everything in his bag.
Deep throws, accuracy.
He had a better career than Henry.
Okay.
Ooh, that's a nice one, too.
Bill Clinton.
Okay.
I think I'm going to keep Vic.
I mean...
Talk it out.
Vic, no rings.
Bill Clinton has a saxophone in the Smithsonian.
And wasn't Bill Clinton on Epstein Island?
Oh, yeah.
Epstein has painted pictures of him.
Yeah.
I don't think that's good.
No.
He did get head.
Yeah, he's out.
Okay.
Vic's had to have gotten head.
I don't know who this is.
I'm guessing he was a president.
Jefferson Davis.
Yeah.
He was a president.
He was a president.
Yeah.
Good guess.
So that's in the comments.
Yeah, I think that's up there.
That's bigger. If Vic won a Super Bowl, maybe it's a conversation. President. Good guess. So that's in the... That's pretty... Yeah, I think that's up there. That's bigger.
If Vic won a Super Bowl, maybe it's a conversation.
President.
What was he the president of?
United States.
The Confederacy.
I would say.
I don't even know what that is.
South.
South in the Civil War.
Well, that's not good then.
No.
Well, you made the choice.
Did Vic ever do an equivalent of that feat?
No. No? No.
No.
No.
Judaism.
Okay.
Tough.
That's really good, right?
Yeah.
Judaism taking on?
Jefferson Davis.
Jefferson Davis.
Judaism versus Jefferson Davis.
Let's weigh the pros and cons.
Judaism is really, really big.
Yes.
Good symbol.
Yeah.
Some funny people. A lot of comedians
Who's the funniest Judaism guy
Dave Portnoy
Oh this is Jewish
Yeah Jewish is big
They overcame a lot of stuff
That's going to be tough to beat
I think this one has a beat though
Vladimir Putin
Oh yeah Vladimir Putin. Oh.
Yeah.
Vladimir Putin.
He's done more than Judaism.
Yeah, 100%. Like his goals and stuff like that.
Yeah.
He's about to take over Ukraine.
Wow, huge upset.
Wow.
Putin beats Putin.
George Bush.
George, the original Bush, though.
Okay.
Okay.
I don't know much about this guy, President of the United States.
All right, so you're going to keep Putin up there.
I'm going to keep Putin.
I'm going to keep Putin.
This is tough.
Oh.
MJ.
Michael Jackson.
Yeah.
Every pack.
He's in every pack.
I mean, he's probably going to be the best in this pack.
Yeah.
But I don't know if all the rumors are true.
Right.
You've got to weigh the pros and the cons.
You also have to take into fact, like, Putin is running a country.
That's more important, yeah, for sure.
I'm going to keep Putin.
Putin, yeah.
Yeah, easy.
This is going to be tough.
Big Ben.
Oh, no.
Big Ben.
Yeah.
You're not going to have Big Ben lose to Putin.
No, no, no.
Definitely not.
You've got to put Big Ben up there.
No, no, no. Oh, Putin beats Big put Big Ben up there. No, no, no.
Oh, Putin beats Big Ben? I think Putin accomplished
more. Putin has no rings.
He's about to get a whole country, though.
Yeah.
The autobiography of
Malcolm X. Okay.
But it's the autobiography or is it Malcolm X?
One and the same, really. The autobiography of
Malcolm X. Wait, Putin just beat Big Ben?
Yes
Wow
Well, yeah, he's more powerful
Accomplished more
Yeah
I'm out on Malcolm X
I don't know much about Malcolm X
I don't know who this guy is
Richard B. Penny
No, Cheney
Dick Cheney?
Richard B. Penny
sounds like the mascot from Monopoly Junior.
I think I'm going to keep pooing for that one.
Who was this guy? President?
He was very... Killed a man. Shot a man.
Shot a man duck hunting.
Did he get away with it? Yeah. Started the Iraq War.
That's a bad guy. I don't want him up there.
I got pooing up there.
Bill Clinton. Again. Well, I got Poon up there. Bill Clinton.
Okay.
Again.
Poon.
Beats Poon.
Okay.
Jackson again.
I can't put him up there.
Yeah, yeah.
Hillary again.
I'm not going to put her up there.
Okay.
Poon is going to win.
Ray Rice.
Bad guy.
Tough to tackle.
Tough to tackle.
Hits women, though.
Yeah.
So, I don't want him up there.
Okay.
Old Bush again.
Okay.
Out.
Okay.
You know, this is...
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, who we got?
Donnie!
Donnie!
Donnie!
Donnie Trump.
There he is.
Donnie Trump beats them all.
He's in Chicago today.
I know.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jefferson Davis.
I don't know much about that guy.
Big Ben again out.
Oh!
Wow.
There we go.
Trump wins it.
There we go.
Putin had a stretch.
He had a run.
He had a good run.
Oh, Putin beat Judaism.
He beat Judaism.
He upset Judaism.
He beat Clintons.
Both Clintons.
Both Clintons.
Big Ben.
Big Ben. Big Ben.
That's a cool game.
Yeah.
Who's next?
We already,
that was the last one.
I wish I'd seen the other one.
I'll buy more packs.
That was cool.
Yeah.
I like that game.
Yeah.
It's a fun game.
Jerry,
I tuned into the stream last night,
but when I tuned in,
they were talking about
you were on that
like white dudes
for Harris call.
No, I wasn't.
That's Big Cat
making stuff up again.
I did not.
Well, people in the chat.
Doug's chat.
Then moved over to Jaref.
How did you end up getting all five?
I thought you were for sure going to be there for a long time.
So I got two in a row.
Then you got three more.
I asked
to chat on the third one. They gave me
Utah, I believe.
Then I used Jacob. Jacob got me Colorado. Then I got the last one from a gave me Utah, I believe. And then I used Jacob.
Jacob got me Colorado, and then I got the last one from a lobster trap or a crab trap.
Yeah, I mean, you did realize that GeoGuessr, if you click around enough, you can find stuff.
The problem was I never practiced clicking around.
Quigs was doing that for a couple days.
So I didn't really.
And plus, I'm not really good at geography.
Yeah.
So.
But I'm happy you got out of it.
Dude, so am I.
I think you, you know you have to do it again.
Yes, this time I think we're going to do countries.
Well, I was going to say you could also do 10 in a row.
Yeah, no, for sure. But if you watched the stream last night, and I don't know if the Yak chat would agree
with me, but if I went another five hours, I think I can get 10 in a row.
Yes.
Because I was getting better as it went on.
Right.
So I would use to do pinpointing the exact location.
Yeah.
Ooh, that would be a good one.
You get a lot of time, but you don't need geographic knowledge.
You can always figure it out.
Yeah.
He did get a couple exact.
Yeah, Scottsdale.
He's got Scottsdale, the Naperville from the chat.
Kyle's talking to the yard.
Yeah, you gotta get 5,000
down to like 100 feet.
He did get Scottsdale because
it's like a famous intersection
in Scottsdale. He got that pretty much
He said you knew Arizona. Yeah, yeah.
I was pretty decent with Arizona.
Alaska was tough.
That was tough, yeah. Didn't know where Alaska was.
Oh, I thought it was by Canada.
On the map.
It is.
It is.
But it's to the left of it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I thought it was up more.
You had Ludwig tweet at you.
And Rainbolt.
Who are those guys?
He tweeted at you?
Rainbolt was in the chat.
No way.
Yes, I didn't see the clip.
I missed.
No, I didn't see that.
Rainbolt was in the chat. Are you certain it was him? 100%. It was. It was. Checkmark and everything. Oh,'t see the clip. I missed. No, I didn't see that. Rainbow was in the chat.
Are you certain it was him?
100%.
It was Chuck Lorcan and everything.
Oh, okay.
Rainbow broed him.
And he messaged me this morning saying, excellent stream last night.
I was on it for at least two hours.
No way.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
Yeah, he messaged me on Instagram.
And then, because I had a lifeline for the chat, each round I had at least one.
So he was in the chat.
So I asked him, and he was like bro that's cheating
like you can't do that i'm like well but these are the rules yeah ludwig tweeted out
yeah he did the longest stream ever right this guy he kind of invented the sub and he's a geo
and he maxed it out he plays all these games but he's a gamer but he's okay got he was the most
was he the most subbed on twitch for a while he's he's massive yeah i'm yeah that so that was cool i i knew more about the um rainbolt guy from tiktok just
watching his clips and stuff yeah but i the another stream idea somebody had was
you verse rainbolt one-on-one and you have to get closer on the map than he is. Just one time. Just one time. That would be great.
Do it.
That would be cool.
Yeah.
But how would you do it that he, like, you can't cheat off of him?
We would be in the same room,
but just our monitors don't face each other or something maybe.
Got it.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I like that.
You think I could do it?
Yeah.
No.
I don't think so.
Is Rainbolt just gets it no matter what?
No, because there's some places that you just aren't able.
Yeah, but did you see Rainbolt's recent post where he got it just off the gradient?
They blurred it.
Wait, what?
Yeah.
I see this.
Rainbolt can look at like a dirt pile and be like, oh, that's like he knows exactly
the world.
Yeah, Dan, this guy is insane.
But he's not even the top professional.
That's crazy.
He's just the most entertaining
and the best at playing.
Oh, there's other people that are just...
There's people that are just unbelievable.
And they're just...
Are they just world travelers?
Yeah, how do they know everything about...
There's a lot of in-game hacks.
Like, you learn about, like,
the camera quality can tell you
you're in Senegal.
Oh, that's crazy.
Like, the posts on the sides of the road.
Let's see this.
Okay, it's literally just a massive blur.
But like I unironically think it's like the gradient of Senegal.
That's nuts.
What?
Can you explain things like that?
You just have to like...
That's going to get clipped out of context
and I'll probably get called a cheater
like at least a thousand times in the comments somewhere.
But like... And I don't blame them either wait the gradient is senegal does he mean like the coloring yeah i think yeah probably it probably was a guess but he probably
like it's a sandy country like a picture like you show me another clip it looks like a cataract
that's insane oh dan some of these are crazy.
They're insane.
Fucking nuts.
Yeah, it's nuts.
KB, how are you, obviously not compared to them,
but would you have gotten the five states within an hour?
Probably.
I mean, I played yesterday and didn't know shit.
Really?
Except I got some lucky spots.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess we did play it's very fun
like audiences despite um who they are love to watch it looks crazy this is like insane
like you would go mexico on this solely because it looks like it's from the movies
it has like the yellow tent you know but for me personally i think i might just go like the u.s
and i think the yellow tent's ran through you off, you know
Maybe I go border like Texas or whether this is sick. It's like the dust covers. I don't know
Idaho walk the hook in okay. So we have Chevron's makes you think we're gonna be Nordic
Is every Denmark Okay, so we have Chevrons. Makes me think we're going to beat Nordic.
Is it ever Denmark?
Denmark wouldn't really have many tunnels like that, though, but... I'm trying to figure out what this is on the side.
I guess you go Norway or Denmark here.
I'm going to go Southern Norway and hedge Denmark, but commit Norway.
Let's try it.
Oh, he's missing.
But just max North.
Wow.
You got the country, right?
Well...
Oh. We got the country, right? Well, we got the country, right?
TJ, have you seen this video?
Yeah.
All right, well, thanks, Jerry.
You got it.
Have a good rest of the year.
Appreciate it.
I wanted to ask,
are you guys having a fun barbecue or something tonight?
No.
We're going to sink Brandon's boat.
Yeah, that's cool.
Will it be live or no? No, we're going to sink Brandon's boat. That's cool. We'll be live?
No, it's going to tape.
If you want to come up and be... Zah, are you officially not going?
Oh, yeah.
If you want to come and be Zah's weight, you can.
Weight? Yeah, but Zah can't go.
Because he
just can't make it.
Alright.
Alright.
This long...
What the f...
This long...
Year BN or whatever.
Long year...
Does the compass work here?
It's one of these streets.
Wait, I'm gonna try and find...
What the fuck?
How does he know that?
I guess just from playing so much.
And he doesn't move around?
No.
He plays a lot of modes where you can't move around.
It's like up here.
This one.
That is gettable.
We will take that.
It's because it's such a distinct looking place.
I wouldn't have got it.
Longyearbyen? It's like the northernmost settlement distinct looking place. I wouldn't have got it. Longyearbyen?
It's like the northernmost settlement in the world.
Oh.
Huh.
Shit.
What a crazy brain.
There it is.
Ice bath.
I'm going to have to get into it so many times tomorrow night.
Fuck.
Yeah, what's the rule for that?
I don't know.
We got to figure it out maybe money is it dale themed
no it's pete frady's number three i i said the same thing tj he played uh college baseball
the dale i didn't think it looked like a nascar number but i said hope Pete Freight is just a big Dale fan. Yeah.
Have you done a cold plunge?
No.
Yes, but not...
Like, I've done it at the gym
where it's like
not the ice,
but it's cold.
Sucks.
Sucks.
Yeah, I don't want to do this.
You shouldn't.
But ALS is a terrible disease.
You have to.
Right.
But I don't want to How long?
I don't know
A minute
I mean I'm gonna do it all day tomorrow
We're gonna do it on the yak
And then I'm gonna do it at Doug's
Damn we gotta do that
I'm gonna
Yeah we're gonna do
Do the dick thing
Maybe we won't have people look at each other's dicks maybe we just go in with the tape measure
okay i would do that i would do that yeah everyone comes out with the tape measure yeah
that's diabolical is there like a more zoomed in tape measure yeah yeah i need is there a smaller
tape oh what about like at cemeteries
when you put the paper
and you do the crayon across it?
We do that.
A charcoal rubbing.
Yes.
Yeah, we could do that.
I'll measure.
I don't...
Yeah, that's fine.
We could get like a roll of tinfoil
and you could just make a duplicate.
Yeah, like a...
That's almost worse.
Let's get dildo molds.
Just mold our
cold.
Oh my god.
Oh, Steven, you wrote some questions for Zlata.
Oh.
Shout out to Zlata. Those were mainly
Zlata questions.
Ask Nick instead.
Ask Nick.
Question number one. Striker who played with teams like inter milan barcelona ac milan paris saint germain germain manchester united and the la galaxy
question mark oh yeah question is that good question that's a good question steven so yeah
so just to repeat it's the question the first question is striker who played with teams like
inter milan barcelona ac milan paris Paris Saint Germain Manchester United and LA Galaxy question mark all right I
shouldn't have the question mark at the end that was a I was trying to give baseline facts for
those that uh Nick you've never bet back down from a beef is there one specific fight that stands out
to you nope okay talk about that backheel scissor kick When you were on the LA Galaxy
Question mark
I'm about to walk out
I'm pissed off
What is your favorite goal
The next one
Nice
Well not with Malasek
Yeah my god
Is he walking around like Mince just trying to
We can play it, TJ.
We can play the clip.
We should unleash him.
Let him go flaunt that.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, he can play it.
We should score a goal on him, though.
Yeah, wait.
If you score on Malasek, does that make you better than Flop?
We all have.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to go score on Malasek.
I've got to humble him.
That was a hell of a save.
That was good.
Wait, did he kick four?
Yeah, I think he reset one.
I think this might backfire.
That went right at him.
I'm worried this is going to backfire.
I'm worried Big Cat is going to seek to humble Malasek,
and all he's going to do is just get stonewalled.
Because Malasek might be buzzing right now.
He might be on his aching.
This might backfire.
Malasek, if you're watching,
make this your Twitter profile picture, your header, everything.
How's he at?
Bumble.
Bumble.
No way he's on that.
Yeah, that's what I said.
This is the worst guy to have it happen to.
He's going to waste it.
He's going to do nothing with it.
Wait until it's done.
I mean, other than just, like, taunt us.
Yeah.
But he's not going to...
He's not going to do that.
Now, what if he lets Big Cat?
All right.
Oh, my God.
Nope.
Malicek.
He's confident.
Oh, shoot.
Yeah.
That's all he had to do.
Easy.
Easy.
He stinks.
He does stink.
Who stinks?
Malasek.
What does that mean about Zlotz?
Z.
Yeah.
I should have told Zlotz, you just got to go low.
Look, he needed to be humbled.
He's walking around.
All right, we got anything else?
I'm just excited to go sink a boat yeah so we're gonna
run this episode on the on friday august 9th that will be when the boat episode comes out
rough and rowdy day rough and rowdy day i want to plug uh pop punk oh yeah oh amazing in a song
uh what are you going tomorrow night uh i'm leaving friday after mostly sport so i'll miss the show friday i gotta drive to clemeth but uh can we get a hint on the song um hmm is the lead singer of the band that you're
singing also an elite the initials are the initials also an elite Nazi group. No, no. I see where you're going with it. No.
Creed?
Yeah.
Scott Stapp.
Oh, yeah.
My hint is I am seeking to finish what I started.
We'll put it that way.
Okay.
Whoa.
Are you going to go to Urban Meyer's brew house?
Get fingered?
Yeah. They should sell shirts. Yeah, I got fingered to Urban Meyer's brew house? Get fingered? Yeah. They should sell shirts.
Yeah, I got fingered at Urban Meyer's.
We were talking about it on Monday because he's got a Spanish, a Mexican beer on the menu.
And its name is El Lager.
It's a great name.
It's a great name.
What does that even fucking mean?
El Lager.
Is it the Lager? Is it the Lager?
Yeah, the Lager.
Okay, well, let's spin the wheel and let's get out of here.
We're at two hours.
We started early.
Anyone who missed the beginning, there's a lot of times here.
And then tomorrow we'll figure out what we're doing with this ice bath.
Yeah, we'll just measure our dicks.
Yeah, we'll just measure our dicks for the people.
And then we'll put out a chart.
We'll make a our dicks. Yeah, we'll just measure our dicks for the people. And then we'll put out a chart. We'll make a graphic.
Yeah.
We should actually put out a chart in Braille, which will be true to science.
We'll see.
Oh, fuck this.
No way.
You've got to be kidding me.
What?
What?
What?
Slotin has to be on the wheel.
Yeah, he is.
He's on the wheel.
Brandon's on the wheel
Donnie
Chef Donnie
Oh my god
Fuck
Malasek
God damn it
The amount of goals
I scored stoned was Zlatan in FIFA
Just like seeing him in person is wild.
Yeah, I'm not a huge soccer fan, but I know he's huge.
Yeah.
I've just played him in a video game so many times.
Yeah, he is.
Did you make him dance?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I'm doing backflips.
FIFA's a great game.
He's a larger-than-life guy, for sure.
All right, TJ. Fuck. FIFA's a great game He's a larger than life guy For sure Yeah Alright TJ Fuck
And we do have a
Tub of water right here
Already
Oh is it already
Filled
Yeah I think they're filling
Fuck
Right now
So
You could just
Dip yourself in there
Whoever's doing this
Is getting wet twice today
Let me see Let me see Yeah oh yeah Let me see When the boat sinks could just dip yourself in there. Whoever's doing this is getting wet twice today.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Let me see.
When the boat sinks, my hope is that the boat sinks in the depth that we can stand up on the boat at the bottom, and we'll just be up to our legs.
I hope the boat sinks, and it's very underwhelming.
And we're all like, oh, that kind of wasn't worth it.
And then we just leave.
And we leave.
Immediately leave. Oh, Brandon, you're right kind of wasn't worth it. And then we just leave. And we leave. Immediately leave.
Oh, Brandon, you're right.
This wasn't worth it at all.
When a boat sinks, it's pretty much impossible to get it out of.
Yeah, we're not getting it out.
Mostly because we're not going to try.
I'm going to go home.
We're all going to just give one hard pull.
It's not going to go anywhere.
And then we're going to go anywhere and then we're gonna i don't know brandon
and then brandon's just stuck with a boat in the bottom of the lake yeah
damn brandon you were right the whole time i've become a new fishing coral new reef
you bringing any tungsten nick today oh my god. I don't have any to waste.
Fill your pockets with tungsten.
I wish.
Is tungsten used for anything?
Like practical.
Do I have tungsten in my house and I don't know it?
I'm not sure if you do.
NASCARs.
Yeah, to balance out NASCARs.
The military tried to make these tungsten spikes that they would drop that would have the same impact as a bomb when they would hit.
They're so dense and heavy.
Damn.
Where is tungsten?
Like, mined?
I don't know.
China?
Dude, I don't know.
What was the Federation location?
Greater New York?
Yeah.
We made that up.
We just bought those custom cards, dude.
No, but like the actual company that we bought the tungsten from.
Oh, that was in Indiana.
It might have been PA.
Might have been PA.
Jason Tatum's in the starting lineup today.
Really?
Overcompensate much?
That's hilarious.
I hope they play him one day.
Yeah.
It'd be so funny.
Is Embiid starting?
No, Anthony Davis.
All right, spin it, TJ.
I wanted Embiid to start every game.
Who are they playing?
South Sudan.
He's got a good program.
I'm kind of rooting for him.
Looking to make some noise.
Luol Deng is like the head of it.
Slotting people. It's ridiculous. Would you call his people? Luol Deng is like the head of it.
It's ridiculous.
Would you call his people?
I would have to text.
I don't know if we'd ever get it, but I would have to.
You would have to.
It's going to be me.
No, you can't do that this early.
I'm always final four.
Come on.
We're fine.
TJ never gets wet.
Ever. He never gets wet.
Come on.
I got a bad feeling.
That tub is full enough now you can get in it.
So winner of this gets in the tub.
Yeah.
It's not cold yet, so that's good.
That's super wet.
Yeah.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, fuck.
Yay.
All right.
All right.
The wheel was funny
Every fucking time it's me
It's so annoying
Stop
I've got a pink and grey ass wheel
Every time
You're already getting nervous?
Yes I'm very nervous
I'm not nervous yet
Oh stop
Oh that's two in a row
I'm fucked that's two in a row. I'm fucked. That's two in a row.
Stop. There you go.
There it is. It's going to be Zlatan.
It's going to be Zlatan.
There you go, Nick. There you go, Nick.
There you go, Nick.
Yeah, get those burks back on.
Really, the four main characters of the show today are the four guys there.
Oh, damn.
Sigh of relief from him, I'm sure.
Mm-hmm.
Shit.
Fuck.
All right, we got to FaceTime Brandon.
Yeah.
Should I get Chef in here?
You have to pull over.
Yeah.
He's going to have to get in his lake. hey wet wheel you're in the finals you're in the finals wet wheel donnie Donnie. Chef. How do I get wet?
Well, where are you?
Are you close to home?
I'm almost there.
We didn't start yet.
All right, so then just zoom.
If you lose, you got to zoom in and get in your pond.
It's a lake.
It's a pond.
It's a lake.
Would you like to stay on the line while we do the finals?
Yeah. Okay. All right, go ahead, TJ. Would you like to stay on the line while we do the finals? Yeah
Alright, go ahead TJ
1-0 you, Brandon
Very good
Don't have to piss yourself
Is Donnie aware this is happening?
He's like over there
I am fucked up today Holy shit, Kate Piss yourself. Is Donnie aware this is happening? He's like over there in the kitchen. Oh, hey.
I am fucked up today.
Holy shit, Kate.
I know.
Says Donnie aware he's over there in the kitchen.
Earlier when you were sitting there talking, I was like, where is his voice coming from right now?
And I couldn't figure out where you were.
I think he walked.
1-1. 1-1, Brandon.
2-1 you.
2-1 you.
2-1.
Fuck.
You're not being possessed.
Brandon. What? You can watch the show.
I don't even know what you're saying.
3-1 Brandon.
You're good, Brandon. You're good, man.
You're good. You want me to hang up? You're good.
Are you sure I'm good?
No.
Oh, shoot.
3-2
You're good though
3-3
Don't sweat it big dog
Oh it's 3-3
Let's go
It's now 3-3
Game 7
I'm telling the truth
It's all being recorded believe it or not Final. Game 7. I'm telling the truth. It's all being recorded, believe it or not.
Final game. Game 7.
Oh!
All right, Kate, you want to go tell Donnie?
Okay, I'll be right back.
Brandon, you're good. We'll see you later.
So, do I just have to go in the shower?
Well, here's the thing, Donnie.
Is it full?
It's full enough.
Dad, do you want my shoes off?
Yeah.
Take that shirt off, too.
Get fucking naked.
You thought you had to go in with...
Don't even think about it.
Don't talk.
Don't talk.
Just do it.
Looks like the chef is about to marinate.
Oh, this is going to be fun for tomorrow.
Oh!
He's soaked.
That's as wet as a man can be.
That was good.
Yeah, Donnie.
Oh, good job.
This is going to be fun for tomorrow.
Yeah.
I think we might have to do like a...
Look how wet he is.
He's soaked.
I think we might have to do like a...
Oh, Jesus Christ, you're soaked.
We might have to do...
Wise words.
Nick, we should think up of a game or something.
Yeah.
Where it's like every 10 minutes someone has to be in the tub for two minutes.
Okay, we'll think of some sort of time game or something. Yeah. Where it's like every 10 minutes someone has to be in the tub for two minutes. Okay, yeah, we'll think of some sort of time-based this.
Yeah.
Yeah, we could have fun with this.
You could spin a wheel for a body part that's submerged.
Yeah, and you have to hold it in there for a certain amount of time.
Pain tomorrow.
Yeah.
What if we put some apples in there?
Oh, yeah, I'm wearing a a bathing suit I'll go topless tomorrow
If you can get two apples out you can leave
Do you have another Phillies jersey for me
Yeah I got you
Alright we'll come up with something
Alright see everyone
It's the act It's the act It's the act. It's the act.
It's your straws, yeah, style of day for a while.
It's the act.
It's the act.
It's the act.
Yeah, it's time to talk shop and do a Yankee swap.
It's the act.
It's the act. See you tomorrow.
Bye.