The Yard - Ep. 109 - We Found Who Robbed Us

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

This week, the boys talk about Ludwig being bullied by Aiden, the origin of Ludwig's brown star logo, and how Slime was robbed...

Yeah, put the phone away. You seem stressed today. I'm working, baby. Yeah. I got events to run. Everything's business to you. He said events. He said events.

Hey, I would love to be Aiden. I quit events guys Ah dude That's Aiden 30 people out their job tomorrow Yo Yeah that's true 30 people out of their job

You are responsible For 30 people's jobs Aiden the only guy That quit his job And then in the office Twice as much Untrue That's crazy

You know what I'm saying You know what I'm saying I know what you're saying I'm saying it And I'm not aiming I'm saying I'm sayingen and I'm not Amen. I'm Samen me true. You guys are slowly becoming dumber talking to each other.

What is he talking about? I'm Samen me true. He just said what I said. This could not be more clear. And you're being idiotic. Ludwig, I'm wearing my shoes. I'm Samen me true, Ludwig. This is not your shoes. These belong to the people.

What? That's what these slides are. Somebody just left these. Those are mine. Dude, they've been at the office for months. You can't use that tone. I'm just saying, somebody left these. It's like, they're clearly mine.

No, they're not. They're not yours. Because they've been at the office for six months unused. They're the people's. They're not clearly yours. According to your rule that those aren't his, then those aren't yours. Okay, I know what you're saying. I just didn't like being called someone when I'm the only one that has worn those except for you.

Because I drove home without shoes once. Why'd you do that? Why? Because I didn't want to go get them. That's insane. You just don't. That is insane. So you drove home with no shoes because you didn't want to go upstairs to get them.

And then you left them at the office for the next six months. And then I, after about four months, was like, nobody has moved these slides. So now I will wear them at the office. Which is fine. But you can't just say someone left them. But I didn't know. How would I know that it's you? Stop.

You shouldn't wear those anymore. Why? Because he's filled it with gangrene and whatnot. You have filled it with your stink. My stink? I shower every day here. Do you shower after working out? Did you shower after working out today? I had the camera in there. I saw it.

You just showered? Oh, you don't wet the hair? Weirdly dirty bubble, kiddo. It's wet? I made sure sure there's a couple yeah limited liability company the liability is limited the liability is limited but I saw every we have the liability he bared all a lot of he sets up cameras in the shower, but I Beat off in the shower and it's in the workplace who's who goes to jail for negative That's not PEMDAS no, it's okay tell me what PEMDAS is English major I'd go through the whole song but pieces the season is for equations

It's how you say the equation that you use I would crush you guys in the SATs. No, I don't think you actually would. I would take the SATs. I would be demolished. I never took the SAT. All right, round table. What was your score, sweetheart? I didn't take either. I had a 1980. Ugh, I'd kill myself.

I had a 1990. I thought it was out of 1600. You just took my number and added it on top. No, I didn't do it. This is like the mile time. This is like when you knew my mile time and you intentionally made yours one second better than mine. No, my mile time is one second lower than yours.

We didn't have the SAT in Colorado. We had the ACT. Like the aptitude college test. Both of these things are everywhere. I got like a 33. No. That's amazing if he's not lying. That's like equivalent to a 2100.

Yeah, but it's the color. And then I had shit grades, so it was kind of funny. About three Call of Duty clans into my high school career, I knew I was going to community college. So I just didn't take the SAT or the ACT. What? Don't you still take it though? No, it's optional.

You just show up. It's optional. If you know you're going to a community college, there's not a big reason to take it. Not even community. Bro, I went to Arizona State. I realized when I submitted my application, I didn't put my SAT in it,

and they accepted me. And they said, welcome. And then I sent it at the end, and they're like, oh, wait, that's actually, you get a scholarship too. They might have denied you if they saw it. You get a scholarship from a public university? Do you need a grant or a scholarship?

Well, I have a dead dad. I think that helped. I think so. I think it's the Obama. No, your mom probably made too much of that teacher money. No. Yeah, I have a dead dad. I think that helped. I think so. I think it's the Obama. No, your mom probably made too much of that teacher money. No.

Yeah, she was swimming in it. She was not swimming in it. She was a capitalist. I think it is if you have a... Back when teachers made a lot of money. If your family income

was under 100K or something, then it was the Obama. No child left behind. Ludwig's mom has a helicopter pad on the roof. Dude, you had Obama. You had dad perk.

You were stacked up. You got like the halo skulls on dead father heck and a low income i had a dead mom and the dopest school in the west it's crazy it's crazy you spent all that time getting in and breslin's the one on the fucking memorial statue breslin died i'm Yeah, but he's in heaven with XXXTentacion. I'm just saying Pat Tillman also has a statue. James Harden does not.

It's like the ASU quad and the revive symbol over the center of the quad. There's a battle bus to revive on. It's like a campaign for alumni. Do you guys get alumni letters where they're like, hey, do you want to give money to the school you went to? Yeah.

Well, they call me. It's like, Breslin needs a chug jug now. That's the one we all get. Your boy Breslin's low. Are you going to give him a chug? Yeah. What's the van, the res van in Fortnite? That's what I was trying to think.

I think I just thought of it as a battle bus. The battle card? The res van. There's a van where you get the card and then you can res them What it's like the oldest we've been or the fact that the four of us who work in eSports cannot figure out What the van in fortnight that res people's called look for nights of us It is the reboot It is the reboot Reslin needs a reboot can we count on you? Let me a good rerun for like the bang bus the reboot

But it's like bang bus like old like vintage collection, and it's like it's like Lisa Ann is a grandmother. It's Lisa Ann and you get to and it's like some young fucking random weird guy and he's just like we're back. They bring back the old weird guys.

Who's Lisa Ann? They bring back Milf Hunter. Did you guys see the Street Fighter the Street Fighter stream mishap with the Chun-Li skin?

Did you see that? It was somebody is broadcasting a Street Fighter 6 like local and the dude who is streaming the tournament Did you see that? It was somebody is broadcasting a Street Fighter VI local, and the dude who is streaming the tournament has skins on. Game boots in, and it's a naked Charlie. And it goes for like three seconds.

Commentators are just stunned, and then it cuts away to the bracket so that the streamer can fix the skins. So he can hit the kill This was like a smaller Evo boots in it's just Chun Li's big meaty thighs and her boobies Her thighs were insane. Yeah, it's ever since for well ever since three even but yeah They she's got big thighs you could learn a thing or two from Chun-Li.

I got a good thigh. You do have thick ass thighs. What? Really? I got bigger thighs than you. If I order three legs in my chicken meal and they come like that, I'm like, I got four. Yeah, you're like, I gotta come to this place more often. Oh, here it is. We're watching Chun-Li.

Dude, that's crazy. She's breathtaking. It is watching totally also a strong She's the most impressive femur bone No, right they're like yeah, just play this like what is the rule? I think it's an online tournament so that the the spectator client is separate from the players are seen right the players are playing on their own setups at home and then it's like he has it the streamer has this kid swaps players can have it anyway for fun they could yeah you're acting your opponent with the naked skin yeah it's like it's like if you had a slippy Falco with huge naturals. This is like 13-year-old me trying to hack naked Rosalina into Mario Kart Wii. Dude, I spent like a whole day learning what forward tilts were in Super Smash Bros. Melee.

Because when Peach would do it, she'd go, and you'd go, pause. But I didn't know how to do it. So I was just like, seasick, no. That's where Daisy's real third eye is. It's in her vagina. It's her vagina. They've talked about this one for years, the whispering eye. Dude, I was thinking the other day, this is such a podcast thing,

but Rosalina is such a baddie, and I just wanted to say it. Dude, no, that's not a podcast thing. That's just a weird Nintendo fan thing. It's not a weird Nintendo fan thing. Wait, Rosalina? Is she the one with the star? Yeah.

She's not a baddie. Were you just watching The Buzz? She is a baddie. She's like a trad wife. Uh-oh. Is Rosalina a trad wife? I've discovered something about myself. Guys.

Guys. I just want a space woman that cooks and cleans for me. I want a space woman that makes cookies and doesn't work. And doesn't back talk. And owns a space station that lets me teleport to other worlds. She's just Snow White, right? But instead of dwarves, she has the luma. Instead of seven of them, there are thousands.

I don't know what game she's from. She's from Galaxy. Super Mario Galaxy, which is a great game. I really went back to play it. It's not good. It's a great game. What the fuck are you talking about? I went back, it's not good.

Wait, why don't you like it? Fellas, I'm sorry, I checked. I did the research. What's not good about Odyssey? Is Galaxy a bit better? What's not good about it is Odyssey's, or excuse me, Galaxy's movement's just bad. I don't think so. It's not.

It literally is fun to play. Wait, is that a Wii? When's the last time you played? Yeah, yeah. Every Wii game has clunky movement. A year ago? Including Mario Kart Wii. By the way, look, Odyssey, is it on Wii? When's the last time you played it? Every Wii game has clunky movement. A year ago? Including Mario Kart Wii. By the way, look, Odyssey, or excuse me, Galaxy 2 is better, but like Mario 3D worlds, or

like 3D Mario's movements is what makes them fun. 64 has got great movement. Galaxy has good movement. Sunshine has great movement. When's the last time you played it? Odyssey has great movement. This, comparably, has worse movement. When's the last time you played it?

Tell me my- A year ago, I said it. One year ago. Was it on stream? Yeah. Were you hamming it up for the audience? I didn't enjoy it for the audience. Were your hams out?

No, hams were in. Had you come in 24 hours? I was like this. And I was like, guys, I actually don't enjoy this. I think it's not very enjoyable. Like a schoolboy. I think the joy of Galaxy is in how the gravity affects the levels. Like, that's kind of the difference between that one and all the different ones.

Snoozer-esque. That's what Neil deGrasse Tyson would say if he played the game. Yeah, he'd be like, actually... Actually, stars can't be within five feet of each other. Actually, Super Mario isn't really an Italian guy. Italians can't go to space because they explode. The marinara in their bodies just expands too quickly.

I just thought the movement was mid. You have less movement options. To go from Sunshine, which had insane movement options, to Galaxy. Sunshine is so fucking cool, man. There was nothing like that. I didn't play it.

You've never played Sunshine? The shoe's on the other foot! Cool man great. There was nothing like that. I didn't play it Put your shoes on backwards now for our analogy so so what what games have you played Mario guys? Look bro I played Mario, guys. Galaxy's so great. Slow, Ludwig. Look, bro. The shoe was on the other foot now. I'm not saying Sunshine isn't good or bad. I just never played it. I think you're right. You guys can't shame... I'm being Aiden right now.

The movement in Galaxy is comparatively limited to the other games. I think that's just true. I think it's the worst. What if I was really like this? But it's a very good game. Yeah, it's fucking Nintendo, bro. They went crazy on it. It's got a great score.

Oh, man. What if I was really like this? If you had feet like that? I don't think your life would change much. Do you think so? You already walk super weird. Would you still make fun of me? I'd still make fun of you when you're not around about how you walk,

so it would just be the same thing. Squatting would be even harder for you. What if I was really like this? Stop, stop, stop. Do you think we're going to be friends forever? This is his new favorite thing to do. He has this impersonation of me. He's like, Dumb it! Dumb it!

He goes, Dumb it! Dumb it! Hey, Dumb it. I tuned into like 20 seconds. Do you think we're going to be friends forever? 20 seconds of the SmashCon stream yesterday and it was this part where you were like, yeah, because I'm funny. And then Ludwig was like, really?

You saying, dump it! And then you went through the fucking laundry list of verbal tics. What if we were beasts? What if we were beasts and animals and in love? We did the advice show and I just kept talking to Ludwig and I was like, this is like the

times when we were beasts. Like talking about our ancestors in the caves. kept talking to Ludwig and I was like, this is like the times when we were beasts. Like talking about our ancestors in the caves. Right. And Ludwig for some reason didn't like this. Because we were beasts. I didn't say shit about it. You did. You hemmed and hawed. You rolled your fucking stupid eyes. Because he would be like,

hey, first time, long time, my father died. Any advice? And you'd be like, when we were beasts, people would die all the time. That's right. You relate the beasts to every single advice question. Yeah, because what are we not but beasts in pajama clothes?

Shakespeare said that. He's the only one in pajama clothes. Yeah, and I'm a beast. I'm saying. Like we used to be. So all I'm saying is you gotta you have to find out ways to hurt me while the ways

to hurt you are very clear. You have glowing red weaknesses like a boss fight. You're a big stupid boss fight with a shitty diaper rash.

Come on. And no diaper is confusing because it's like where the rash comes from. And that's is confusing. It's like where the rash comes from. And that's environmental storytelling.

It's Ludwig the diaperless. And you got big, big red bumps all over your balls. Very hard boss to kill at least. You got big red bumps on your balls. Next advice show, he's

going to powder you up in there. He's going to get the baby powder. The baby powder flies off of you after a punch. Slap your cheeks like he's slapping a get the baby powder flies off of you after a punch. Slap your cheeks like he's slapping a chalk bag.

They fall out of you like coins. Ludwig would be a gimmick boss. You just have to use the baby powder sword and it's just like it's a one shot. I would be like my namesake. Ludwig. But you know

What does this mean? From Bloodborne? Good at piano. Ludwig's the hard boss in Bloodborne. None of us have played it, though. No. I haven't played Bloodborne. As much as a Miyazaki sensei stan I am, I haven't played it. Don't say that.

What do you mean? What? Miyazaki sensei fan? Is he not? A sensei? And it's on his name? I know. It's not.

It's not. No. If Ludwig's wrong, it's so big. I think the honorific sensei was weird. Why? I just think, like, stop trying to speak Japanese in regular language when you don't know it. Oh, he is being me right now. He thinks I squeak Japanese.

I wish Stans was still here, man. I wish Stans... Stans could be, like, our home improvement neighbor. What's his name? Across the fence. we never see his face but he's always there is it Al? no Al's the short

gopher looking man it's Wilson Stance could be our Wilson they'd be like how's it going there Stance he's like oh I'm doing pretty good doing pretty good

and they're like don't care me squeaks I'm okay me squeaks said Ludwig's wrong on this one and then the sitcom audience laughs that's how I wish my life actually was we should lock him in the in the shed

bang for help It's only during the show lock him in the shed and I turn up the the temperature to 140 Fahrenheit We lock him in the shed and we turn up the temperature to 140 Fahrenheit. Yeah, the heater can get us there. The heater can easily get us there and it would kill him. Well, no, we just he'd sweat it all out. He'd sweat out the demons. Yeah.

You're thinking too much these days, I would say. You think so? Yeah. Oh, dubbing, dubbing, dubbing. What's your segue? I don't have one. I'm just going to stare at his fucking dumb ass. Can we hear the story about how your shit got stolen? Dude, I fucking...

What got stolen? Every time I pull out my phone now, I have to look at what the ops are doing. Can I present this information? Sure. I've been thinking about it. It's kind of funny. So Anthony got his laptop stolen out of his car. It was in my backpack.

Oh, yeah. In his backpack, in his car, whatever, his car it was in my backpack oh yeah in his backpack in his car or whatever wherever it was and uh in my car he tells me

he's like I got my laptop stolen and I'm like oh do you have find my and he's like yeah I know where it is

I was like oh so it's stolen but like you know exactly where it is like yeah it's like close it's like in a house trick right here and I was like

oh cool he's like yeah I probably shouldn't go get it though it'd be like dangerous I'm like yeah you definitely shouldn't go get it I said I'm a pussy I don't want to go get it because I don't want to get shot or something yeah I'm like, oh, cool. He's like, yeah, I probably shouldn't go get it, though. It'd be dangerous. I'm like, yeah, you definitely shouldn't go get it. I said, I'm a pussy. I don't want to go get it because I don't want to get shot or something.

Yeah, I'm like, that's good thinking. You probably shouldn't go do that alone. So he's going to call the cops, get it back. He's like, fuck cops. Yeah. And I'm like, all right. So what's your plan? He started fucking asking all these questions.

I'm just curious. I'm trying to understand. So I'm like, so what are you going to do? He's like, it's theirs now. Yeah. And I'm like, fuck all these questions. I'm just curious. I'm like trying to understand so I'm like so what you gonna do? He's like it's theirs now. Yeah Okay, I was like all the cops so I'm like so is there a line for you like it what if they saw your car? Like you gotta say fuck cops. He's like no you gotta report the car. You gotta report. I'm like okay So ACAB has like a dollar line If your car gets stolen you just tell you basically telling, because most cops are just report bots.

And you just have to tell the report bot, hey, this thing got stolen, it has a license plate, it drives around there. The goal is to get it back, though. Yeah, but they're not going to go knock on some fucking door, because I have find my, and then, fucking, what are they going to do? Hey, is there a laptop here? I got your solution. So I was like, fuck cops. It's not worth it. I can handle the hit.

Do you want your solution? What? We dress up as cops. I thought about that. We write the law. I already went through this. You know what's funny? I have a cop costume that I bought, I think for stream or something. We fly Caleb out. We get Caleb to be a cop and get shot. And he's from New York.

So he's our fall guy. It's like a Viking funeral over there. But yeah, I basically, I have, it's on Find My, and you can see, I can see where my laptop is at all times. And it's just kind of like moving around to different spots around town. And I'm like, it's like your girlfriend is being fucked right now.

Would you like to see where? And it's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, a little bit. I got three solutions for you and I'm down to participate in all of them. You want to, okay, go ahead, please.

Dress up as a cop, knock on their door. Okay. That's super illegal. We're the Neal brothers. Oh, you have accents? And then use your goon voice. Oh, so you're saying

I'm a police officer goon. You seem to have property of a certain someone. I see on my cop phone here that you seem to have stolen a laptop. Let me guess. The screen is stuck to the keyboard. Let me guess. The profile picture is a guy from recess. And then we confiscate it.

That's option one. Option two, we track them and we see when they leave their houses and when it's clear. We steal it back. We break in

and we steal it back from their house. I thought about this too, but the problem is that it's kind of inaccurate for the like devices on the Find My app. Like a 60 foot radius.

So it's like, it's kind of like a perimeter. So we would need, we would need a whole mess of people. Yeah, stake the joint. We stake of people. Yeah, stake the joint. We stake the joint. We could stake the joint.

We case the joint. Okay. But we would need to set up a perimeter. And then sometimes it just updates and it's like, okay, it's actually over here now. It's because it's super inaccurate. Right. So it's like... Because it only lasts as long as it's charged as well, right?

Yeah, it will. The battery will die. No, if they turn it on, I have it, so it'll block the computer and be like, hey, please bring this back. But I don't want to give them my number, so I just said, please return this to where you found it. That's the message that will pop up on my laptop.

That'll work. How did you learn that? Can we take a moment to back up? He stole it out of your car? Yeah, the backpack was in my car. I lock my car 90% of the time. Sometimes I forget. And it just, I, because that was like two days ago.

I was like, where's my bag? I don't know. I don't really use it much. And I was like, okay. And then I realized, and then I checked the app. So you didn't, your car was unlocked. Oh, yeah. Wait, but he didn't take the whole backpack?

He just dug through stuff? No, he dug through the whole bag. Oh, okay. So, yeah, I just have to, I can see where the movements are at all times, and we'll figure out what to do. Yeah, we can dress up as four police officers. That's so funny, because that means that the person who stole it doesn't know that Apple products are trackable.

Five zippers on the case. We can send Nick Yingling. They probably know, right? They would just like, can't you just like turn it off or some shit that... You can't get rid of Find My. I mean, you can turn it off.

Turn it on some hardware level shit. You have to factory reset and then even after you factory reset, you need the password for your Apple ID. Maybe they sold the laptop in a day. Maybe. But then what? They just have a bricked laptop?

Yeah. Because I'm a hoover. People do this. People do this where they sell stuff and they're like, I can meet at yours. And they do this transaction in cash and then they just delete their like, they go find me or whatever. Or not they go find me, their offer up. Yeah.

That's pretty sick actually. And then the person's like, I have this bricked thing. I can't do anything about it because it's stolen, obviously. Wow. And then the person's like, I'm ghost. It's funny too, because do anything about it because it's stolen, obviously. Wow. And then the person's like, I'm ghost. It's funny, too, because it's very close. Within like a two-mile radius. Yeah, you walk there.

I was checking it out. Is it still there right now? You want to check? See if it moved. Option four. He was on a laundromat earlier. We don't break federal crime, but we look at their mail. We find their name.

We find their phone number. We call them. Oh, is he back home? And we say, this is Neil and Neil from the 45th Precinct. This is Neil, Neil, and Sons. And we're going to take back what's ours. This is Neil, Neil, and Sons.

He's our sons. You meet us at the laundromat. You meet us, and we are armed and dangerous. Yeah, we're armed. We said no federal. We're gonna kill you Yeah, do okay, and then we kill the man. Are you like don't crimes if it's against someone who committed a crime on you? Yeah, that's how the world I do think what if it comes back and it's like an orphan and he needs the laptop for school You know you kill him. He's in love. And I wouldn't kill the orphan. What would you do instead of kill the orphan?

I'd be coming the orphan become his father you become instead of kill the orphan? I'd become his father. You don't break the orphan's leg? He'd teach him right. I'd become his father. You know what's better than a laptop? Come here. Lifelong lessons. You know what's better than a laptop?

Going to a baseball game. Yeah. Shohei Otama. And we don't have to be on our phone. Maybe you're so obsessed with electronics How about getting your steps in That's what I'm obsessed with Let's get your steps in

Hey you know what You know what's better than a damn laptop Being in Little League Come here slugger Yeah And then you rip his leg off like Quan Chi Cutie I found this kid He's moving in

We're raising him We're raising him together And he'll be strong Can you be chill with that With raising a raising a child an orphan kid that stole my computer All context included. Yeah, not just a kid. Mmm. You found him at the laundromat face dirty is all hell Has my lap. He's a how old is he? How old is he eight? It's young enough Young enough. I think like if he's 17 it gets weird is he chimney sweep sweep dirty or is he like

live on the street no it's like street dirt oh street dirt gotcha like it's better if it's like a two year old

you know cause then you feel more empathy but if it's like a 17 year old who stole a laptop so you're trying to you want a puppy

you don't want it's not about a puppy it's like there's the 17 year old has made some decisions here yeah but you're not no one's adopting

a 17 year old they're just hanging out with their children if a puppy poops in the house it's like that's on me that's why I'm asking, but you're not adopting. No one's adopting a 17 year old. They're just hanging out with their children. If he poops in the house, it's like, that's on me. That's why I'm asking the age. You're still a child. Okay, but what about 13? Does puberty matter here for you? Yeah, I think they're... He wants a prepubescent orphan.

I think I have less ability to change, right? This is noted. Just say that. This is your sentence. This is your sentence. Putting laptops out as like

bait cars to assemble the Loving Little Sunshines. I don't want an orphan. So now you don't want an

orphan. After all this thought and talk about how much you would like them to be young. I wouldn't like them to be young. I'm just saying I wouldn't care. I don't know.

I wouldn't like them to be young. But that's what you said. Yeah, but I would have more positive change on somebody who had more- So you'd like them to be young. Dude, you know what we should do? You want to be able to mold them. Thank you. You want to mold their young bodies of mind. We should keep-

No. We should keep a glitter bomb in your car. And we should bait car them like Mark Robben. Dude, that would suck for my life. He doesn't know who Mark Robber know who mark whatever I thought for your life. Also, who's Mark Rober? No, he's a dude who puts bait Amazon packages on his doorstep And then when people come steal his packages cuz they do all the time Thanks, but they get home and he has the whole thing rigged with cameras inside Oh my god And then explodes fart bombs and like glitter in their house, and it has video of them other faces

Whoa, and it plays police sirens that sounds like It's like you're gay, you're gay It's exactly like that yeah It's so cool. He owns Libs left and right. That's big. And we could do that because now you're a target I'm not a target. I don't want a laptop. You're no longer a target. Fifth option. Fifth option. We get your army of prepubescent kids.

No, leave a note that says, I know you have the laptop. And then you leave a clock with a 72-hour countdown. That's hooked up to a pipe bomb. A prop pipe bomb. A prop pipe bomb. That has a real bomb inside of it. To a real bomb. They'll be like, ah, another prop.

They'll be like, ah, another movie prop. I saw Top Gun. I know what this is. And then they'll actually look inside and it'll be a real bomb. They work in the art department at Paramount, so they know what a pipe bomb does. That's why it's all a laptop, because it's for work. I think this gets us demonetized, right? Certainly.

No. No. Talking about real pipe bombs? We're not, though. We would attach a picture of a pipe bomb. Ah. Right? To it.

And it's like. A picture of the location of the real one. That will go off soon. These are all ingenious thoughts. We should just print out a picture of their house and then give it to them. On like their door. That'd be freaky. You know what you need to do?

To put a picture of your house at your house. What does that mean? I hate that. We've already been through this once. This is so simple. You need to just make a post on the Ludwig Ogren subreddit and send the minions after this guy. It's harder because it's not a car.

Pop up at this random ass house. Everyone, you know, bring your own swords. Pop up at the laundromat. Swords only. Guns maybe. If you have them. Have you browsed Facebook Marketplace? No.

Because I assume they're probably putting it up for sale. That's such a good idea. If you browse Facebook Marketplace, you can... If I find it on the first scan, I'm going to freak out. You can ask to meet with them. I don't know how you would know. I guess maybe because of like where... Oh, because mine's dirty as shit.

Oh. Yeah. And they probably took pictures of it on and stuff. MacBook Air. Okay. Facebook Marketplace. What are the other ones? Facebook Marketplace.

I guess that's a big one. None of these look like mine. I don't know. Craigslist? Probably not. I feel like you'd have to be the dumbest criminal ever.

To put it on Facebook Marketplace? To instantly put it on Facebook Marketplace. Wait, why wouldn't you? Because you would just clean it up and like sell it to like a retailer or some shit. Like you would like you wouldn't put it on Facebook Marketplace? To instantly put it on Facebook Marketplace. Wait, why wouldn't you? Because you would just clean it up and sell it to a retailer or some shit. You wouldn't put it online. Everyone looks immediately online when your shit's done.

Are those apps that I have? No, I mean, I think we're literally talking about a laptop that's locked. You can't bring it to a retailer. Yeah, you have to bring it to a crooked computer guy. Yeah, maybe you got a black market. That's what I'm going to do. I just bought a laptop. I'm just going to scratch a skull into it.

Do you know any crooked guys you might take it to? No, I don't know any crooked guys, bro. I moved away from all the crooked guys I knew in Colorado. You should go buy it back from them and barter them down. The crooked world? Yeah. Jimmy's Crooked Electronics. Yeah.

In parentheses, stolen. And that's PEMDAS. Did you know the company that owns HelloFresh also owns Factor? Yes. It's because there's two lifestyles to lead. One is someone with time to cook who enjoys... But not that much time. The other is someone who wants to just get out there.

Some people like eating the container that the food comes in. And the problem with HelloFresh is that it comes in no container. Son, that's you. Yeah. That's you yeah that's you yeah so as a container eater tell me why you would enjoy factor fresh meals factors fresh never frozen meals just ready in two minutes with fact you get nutritious chef prepared meals delivered straight to your door all inside of a container that you shouldn't eat as a human but it's equally delicious but he does eat it but you do eat it And they got good meals because they got a variety.

You get the chicken of the world. I usually get anything with chicken in it because they cook their chicken somewhere else. They got breakfast, bacon cheddar egg bites, potato bacon egg breakfast skillet, and also the delicious, delicious container that you'll eat. They all come in it. They all come in the container. Even if you go keto or protein plus, there's still a container for this. And even if we had a disclaimer on the screen You shouldn't listen to it Because the containers

Are delicious They're delicious You shouldn't eat them Nick Yingling Takes his reverse lunch break Here every day And brings his factor meal in And he eats the container

In front of me Yeah Every day And he does it With his back towards you So you're looking At his back basically Mmhmm

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Get 50% off your first box. America's number one ready to eat meal kit. You want a fifth pass at this? I hate you. Back to the episode. PMD. Damn well hey I'm sorry you got robbed. Yeah. Alright. Things are replaceable. Yeah it's true hey I'm sorry you got robbed Yeah Alright That sucks

Things are replaceable Yeah it's true I'm fucking The friends are forever right It does suck Yeah That even with Find my

This is like Not that much Easier of a problem To deal with Find my is more If you just lost it Yeah It's like when I left it

At riot To be clear There are a couple Easier solutions What You could call the police You could call the fucking cops I don't think anything lost it. Yeah. It's like when I left it at Riot. To be clear, there are a couple easier solutions. What? You could call the police. You could call the fucking cops. I don't think anything will happen. They're not going to do anything. I have heard that, uh...

You're paying their salary, bro. That is so good. They do owe you labor. Someone with this exact same problem, uh, with the location, knew where the laptop was, and the police couldn't do anything about it. They can't do anything. Or they wouldn't do anything about it. I don't know. They're going to take some random citizen's word for it and then bust down some door shoot three people a dog You know what I've learned? Kill yourself police officers. What I've learned with with the beasts

They they don't do anything unless you've done all the work for them. Then they usually do something Yeah, they love a slam dunk case. A slam dunk detective case. Yeah. One that they can just say, yeah, we recovered it. Yeah. And I know that because of the wire. I've never seen this show. You don't want a John Doe. No. Because if you get a John Doe.

Yeah. You don't want to be the guy stuck with the John Doe. You don't want to be the guy stuck with 14 bodies in that can. 14 bodies. One of them outside the can. One of them outside the can. 13 in the can. You don't want to be stuck with the John Doe. You don't want to be a guy stuck with 14 bodies in that can. 14 bodies, 14 bodies, one of them outside the can, one of them outside the can, 13 in the can. You don't want to be stuck with them. Do you want to stick the wire? I don't even know. You guys don't have 60 hours.

14 John Doe's Ludwig, 14! It's 14, it's crazy. Wanna watch One Piece? Who's insane? One Piece. Uh, I, I'm also down to go with you. Have you played the One Piece card game? No, I've gotten cards for it, though. Because Miles and Kyle Webwipe said that it's really good. I believe it because I got cards for it at last year's Anime Expo when they unveiled it.

Or like right around that time when they unveiled it. And it was there the next year. And I'm like, I'm shocked. Because most card games live and die within a year. Miles was like, I was like, wait, is it actually fun? He's like, yes, it's actually fun. I want to get Ludwig a starter deck he probably won't have time to play it but he will enjoy looking at the cards i think i have all kind of the weird thing about making

card games out of shows like one piece is that there's just like a limited quantity of characters so they start making no cards out of different like versions of the same character. Had you brought up a show like Death Note, I would agree. However. It's like angry Luffy. No, you're so dumb. You're so dumb. Oh, Straw Hat Luffy. No.

It would be the. Luffy that can swim. I do like surfing. This is actually so embarrassing. He can't fucking swim, dipshit. I know. I know. That's why I said it!

That's why I said it! So it couldn't exist! It couldn't exist! It literally couldn't exist! Wait, if you rearrange the letters in anime... It's the greatest story of all time! If you... SHUT UP! If you rearrange the letters in anime, it's Eamon. I don't know why you're trying to dog One Piece. You for fun piece you for fun

You for fun. Peace boot up Smurf Valorant games Me because it's just what you're saying is just not true, but you're hurt you don't do it For fun Wait, what? How do you let him win a game? You said for fun. Why do you think I'm booting up? That's even worse. It's not for fun.

I didn't know. I thought it was for fun. What, for work? No, it's a practice. Why are you practicing? You know what you say to him? You have a New Jibbies t-shirt. Then the competition's over.

You win. That's a great t-shirt. I like New Jib. See? 100-0 matchup. It's a great t-shirt. New Jib. 100-0.

I think just here's the reason I bring it up. I know there's a lot of characters in One Piece Hundreds There's less characters in One Piece than something like Something like Pokemon Right Not when the card game came out Eventually you won out

And they already have Old versions of Luffy When the card game came out How many Pokemon were there Surfing Luffy You'dben, when the card game came out... Deadman. How many Pokemon were there? Surfing Luffy. There would be, you'd have gear two, three, four, five, spoiler. Upset Luffy? I want you to, I want you to, I want to fucking throw my gummo gummo up your ass. He's so mad bears. Which fruit did he eat this time?

He only eats one fruit. Is that what it is? You can't eat two fruit. Is he defensive of anime? You can't eat two fruit. You start a, wait Is he defensive of anime? You can't eat two fruit. You start a- wait, imagine a Vinland Saga card game, huh, Sport? Oh yeah, they make a Vinland card game. And Ocelot goes to the war in it? Oh, cool! Oh, big Thor feed!

You're getting bullied right now. You're actually getting like, like, primary school bullied right now. I- I- I want you guys to die. Oh cool. And then the one guy who's really excited to go to war, but it's like it's two cards of when he's excited and then he's sad after. And then when he's sad after war, your stats. War overthrow feed. You're talking about Ahri. It's Ahri. It's the first season. Oh man.

Because Ahri's excited to go to the war. That's interesting. That's interesting. I think your card game's really cool. I didn't even make a core game. I didn't even make a core game. The family can all play together sometime. Yeah, yeah, Sportman. You teach me and your mom and- You go to laptop school and you're too scared to get it.

Damn, he's trying to throw bullets at you. This is what Ludwig does. You back him into a core, he starts biting everything. You play Smurf games. Smurf games. And you lost to me in a Valorant tournament. That's true. That's true, I did do that.

And zipper. Where are you at? You I'll see you in the parking lot Oh You know what we should have done? Zipper did get me this shirt We should have had, when we all lived together

We should have had Cultural Enrichment Day We did, we used to watch Inbetweeners And Vinland Saga Wait, no. That was the promised... the pedophile... No, we also all watched Vinland Saga together. You just didn't do it. Yeah, so we didn't all do it then.

Because you were the one who didn't... You're just using the word wrong. Well, look... No! If you just refuse to do these things, you're asking for a group activity that you wouldn't do. Yeah, but if it's cultural enrichment, we all went to Tempe Gilmore together! I learned about Norway. I think. Was Norway in Vinland Saga?

Norway's kind of in it. It's mostly Denmark. So it was cultural. Is Henke in Vinland Saga? Yeah. Henke. And they all go to Sammeland at the end of the season. This is so funny that you say this, because we had a cultural enrichment day by watching-

It was not anime! I don't want to watch fucking anime 9,000 goddamn hours straight while you're just like mindlessly on your phone on the Big Joe, no shirt on, half a boner for some reason. You remember that? That was weird. We just had a boner. And you're just watching it. And you're just watching the fucking poopsuckin' 9 hours of anime and you're like, oh cool.

That's not cultural enrichment. I would pop my boner into the Big Joe. But you acknowledge that tweeters was. You wouldn't come because we weren't allowed to come on the Big Joe. That was the number one rule in the old house. Number one rule, but you're malicious compliance. I'm not touching you. Oh, I have a boner on the Joe. You did not come with it.

Can I say that when we were at Dubbin's house the other day and I sat on the Joe again, I was like... Dubbin. It felt like old times. Yeah, that feeling for me was outweighed by the terror of seeing Jackie Chan in the corner of a dark road it was horrifying

there's three three constants at Ludwig's house mango's penis Jackie Chan and the Big Joe I do gotta move Jackie to the warehouse

but for now don't put more things in the warehouse that scare me we already have cardboard cutouts yeah Kristen Bell gets us every time. Jackie's been a problem.

We should let him go down the slide. That'd be pretty funny looking. He would break. Do you think we can show the picture I took of Mango? Just censor it on the podcast? Yeah. I'm gonna ask him. Then just disperse.

You'd have to ask him first. No, just put big emojis over his ass. A big emoji? Okay, don't. Okay, we won't. You know what? Ludwig's doing the uh face. Well, you really gotta ask first. It's true. I think

that's fair. You kept talking up my meat to Mango. I don't think I talked about your meat once. You did. You did. You flatter yourself. You openly talked about it. I said Aiden's got And then Mango said, quote, Aiden, let me see your meat. And then I showed him.

I like that. Yeah. I like that you answered the call of duty. Yeah. I said long and lengthy like a garden snake. Yeah, but that's thin. His isn't thin. I said extraordinarily thin.

Aiden has high stats and everything. I said Aiden could pick a lock with it, but from far away. If he needed someone to infiltrate the system. It's like, what is that? Zipper would know this. Someone puts their finger in a lock, and then the slime goes inside and unlocks it. This is in a few movies. But that's like your penis.

That's his penis. The head matches all the latches and whatnot. It's kind of corkscrew, like a duck. Don't be a duck, please. Do you ever have these surreal moments hanging out with Mango where that night I was thinking about this

I was like almost 10 years ago. I used to unfollow this guy on Twitter. I watched you four stock leffing and now I'm showing you my penis. I'm sure that that happened with Northern Lion for Zeke. Zeke messaged me and he's like, I can't

believe Ludwig's talking to Northern Lion. This is the one thing I've always wanted in my entire life and it's the one thing I wish I could have and Ludwig's just like hanging out with my bald goat. I thought you were going to say Zeke hung out with Northern Lion. He didn't. But like him being such a degree of separation away from his idol is the same idea.

His Northern Lion number. But the difference is that we're watching Mango post-meet, post-hole. That's no degree of separation, right? There's a difference between your friend hangs out with Northern Lion and he sees Mango's dick. I had a moment like that recently because when I first met Kassem G, it was the first person I was too nervous to say hi to I was like oh no I'm just gonna never

say hi to that guy and then Will Neff made me and then now me and Kasim G are friends you're gonna get introduced

it was exactly like that and then he held my hand like we were going to Coachella me and Knoxville used to fuck each other all night long I don't like that

he's jumping in front of your shit now I don't like it I don't like it I like it he's trying to beat you to the punch I like that

it's really new in because I know it's fun with it. No, because it's like, he can never do it like me. I think the funniest used to do a better episode of Fear Ant every week. That's pretty good. That was way better than Yosimo. Aiden's Yosimo

is fucking way better than mine. Anyway, please. Yosimo's crazy. I just had a slime moment because I was hanging out with, you know, many months later, we were getting coffee and this guy came up who watches The Yard

and was like, oh my God, dude, can I get a picture with you? And I was like, yeah, sure. And I said, but before I do any of that, do you know who he is? To cast him?

And he's like, oh no, who are you? And I was like, you have to know everything about him before I do this. Because it's egregious you don't and that you know my dumb thingious you don't. Right. And that you know my dumb thing and you don't know this guy.

This exact same thing happened. Is this weird as fuck? Am I crazy? No, no. If anyone comes up to you in a coffee shop to bother your fucking day, you can say what you want. You can introduce your friend. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

To be clear. I did this with Dan. Stop. It was hood education. I think it's weird for Kasim. Oh, yeah. That's for him. Of course.

Kasim's there like, I don't want to do this. Yeah, that's fine. This is my American right. But that's what you get to do as your friend. Sure. Oh, yeah That's what you get to do as your friend sure This exact same thing happened with with me and left in when I went to a concert with him And I got recognized instead of left and that was the first time ever and it was very jarring Yeah, this left and is like I'm used to being the minion with left and yeah takes photo I also think there's you go. Hey, can you hit the picture for us? And you hand it to Leffen. That's what you do there.

That's how you own your friend. Yeah, this happened outside of a boba shop. I was with Dan who has worked at BTS. He's a great guy. What do you got there? We were just hanging out. What were you doing when you were hanging out? I thought that was beans.

Sorry to cut you. It's not beans. What do you got there? Papa Steve's. Are you that hungry that you can't fucking wait? I wasn't going to take a bite. We were just going to open it. Yes. You guys are so weird.

You're a beast. You're about to do the thing in class where you're eating a chip, but you just suck on it until it goes down because you can't chew it. For audio listeners, they just stopped the story for nothing. I just opened a protein bar. I wasn't even going to eat it. You're being weird now. Is this your idea of comedy?

Now I know what being a teacher feels like. He brought up food and I'm distracted. Is this what your idea of comedy is? Do you think when we are beasts on the cave paintings and I'm trying to tell Groog about the saber-toothed tiger and how it's coming and some asshole comes out and he has a coconut and

he cracks it open and I'm trying to talk. And he's like, what are we fucking Grooving about? Where are we that there's a saber-tooth and a coconut the beasts in the beast? Asteroid beast realm in the beast realm where there's many animals there's mastodon the BR. What is your story? No, which later will become Brazil. No, now it's your turn. Now you talk. I didn't even interrupt. To be clear, I opened something.

Okay, shut up. You interrupted. You planned to open this and not eat it the whole time? That's crazy. We're open to soda in class. It's Creole, but you cracked. And then I must have soda. So it sucks because we have to watch you drink it.

And the yellow five is going to make your sperm go way down. And Red Bull has bull semen Let's all wait It's so fucking rich that you guys say eat it and then we'll wait because this is not the first time you've done it Finish your bar, mog you for that. Talk myself up for this, talk myself up for that. It's crazy. Yeah, and you know what's crazy too? You barely finish half a baguette.

And you ask me to take a tornado. You play a card game with six different versions of Luffy as a card game. Because he also has different gears. God, you're so stupid. We helped you with that challenge. You think gear three should be the same as gear two? I don't know.

Do you really think that it was all you? I don't think we'll be friends forever. I believe that when he says it. We'll be beasts forever. Do I think it was all me? I think I ate the most. You did. And I think I brought us through the hardest times.

I was close. Yeah, you were our team leader. Yeah. To be fair, you're the only one paid to be there. I hope you eat the most. Well, but I did. But you did. We got paid in exposure.

Oh, cool. Yeah. And that's huge. You're on his team. Yeah. That's a deal. I'm learning that. Look, Ludwig, no one's denying that you did a good job.

But now you're mad that I can eat. Now you're mad that I can do a thing You pull out accolades Because you- what you're saying here is that you pulled out a protein bar to open and look at until the show is over That's weird No, I pulled it out to eat it, but then you made it a big deal Fucking eat it Finish your bar

No, I'm not gonna touch it, no I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not actually ever gonna eat it again What if I eat it, will you be upset? Yeah, I'd be really bad You're never gonna eat again ever? I'd probably throw He goes on a hunger strike All his gain's gone over two months I'm gonna go eat again. What if I eat it, will you be upset? Yeah, I'd be really upset. You're never gonna eat again ever? I'd probably throw. He goes on a hunger strike, all his gains gone over two months.

I'm gonna go on a hunger strike, and I'd still, I'd... No. You'd still what? I'd outlift Aiden. I'd spin kick your fucking head off the goddamn ground. If you go on a hunger strike for two months, you're gonna outlift me. I'd go high outlift you. You wouldn't outlift me.

Imagine if he did outlift Aiden. Dude, that's like, that's like put the controller controller down. I couldn't say anything to love like ever again Two months is so long Eight days into the hunger strike Aiden starting to be afraid like is he actually gonna lift more than me? I'm gonna really this down you die right if you don't take care of it super well There's ways to fast for two months. People have done it but it's like you don't have enough fat. I'll say it David Blaine like lived underwater for a while. You could do whatever you want David Blaine is Spongebob. He like froze himself to whatever

He didn't freeze himself. Is the water thing the water thing's gotta be bad for you in some weird way, right? Cuz didn't Mr. Beast, that's one of the only Mr. Beast challenges that he like quit out of his way They did it like dummies and he didn't have oxygen Yeah but you don't need that Oxygen? It's like you need a lot of apples It doesn't mean Good medicine

I think you're thinking Of outer space In outer space It's hard for astronauts To live Because gravity is good For our bones And this is real

It's also hard to play Xbox They exercise They exercise to help with it man Do you Dude I don't think he likes us anymore. I've come to that conclusion. He's definitely frustrated today. It's a loveless place.

It's not a loveless place. For my heart, it is. I want you to fuck me like you mean it. I would never. That's all I want. I like how this has shifted from me to you. It feels good to not... I hate your life.

It's a bad life. Everyone's kind of gotten theirs today. All I do is give. All you do is give. You do. Daddy, Papa, give us a new jam. What do you take? A couple bites from a protein bar, but that's too much, I guess. Papa, Papa, the machines are great.

Buy your bar. Eat your bar. I'm not touching the bar. I want to see you eat it. I want to hear your... Can you eat the bar and then describe what it tastes like for the audience? It's free promo. It is free promo.

Just don't say whose bar it is. I already said it. He's really into the bars is why. Oh, you did? Yeah. He feels guilty because he likes them so much. I do like them,

but I won't give free promo. Did you guys see how contentious our last episode was? About what? It wasn't. It was... It was five stars across the board with the normal amount of evil haters that don't understand art. Okay, what? Can you explain this?

Sorry, the art in question is the goon commander. They didn't like the goon commander? No, there was probably a pool of people. Gooners. A smaller pool of people, perhaps the gooners. That hated the goon commander. And I just thought it was funny. Because some people love it so much, and it's

already being run into the ground. Oh, it's dead already. You know that this forced All Hail Goon to change his name. This is really funny. Can you go to his Twitter? I think it's All Hail Boon now, Zipper. So there's this guy named All Hail Goon. He got second place in my

in top gun top recruit contest goon competition uh and and he uh he was on cutie streamer camp thing and his name's all hail goon it's been his name for years and then this video comes out and then he has a stream where he goes live they are video yeah our podcast episode holy shit and then he has a stream where he goes live they are video yeah podcast episode holy shit and then he has a stream where he goes live and he has like a memorial service for his name all hail goon and then he switches it to all hail boone well let's just make the boone commander and he like eats butt i didn't realize how powerful we were well i think it's it's uh i'm a pedophile boone cave that's what the boone commander does the commander. I'm a pedophile. Boon caves. That's what the boom commander does. The boom commander is a

pedophile. I think he was basically getting the goon comments before our podcast. Yeah, and we're slowly ramping up. turned everyone who's likely in his sphere onto

it. Apparently, uh... Damn, you're in the... Sleep deprived was on it, too. And you're the first reply, bro. First reply?

Like, his first reply, it's you bro oh yeah it's all you man very Afghans coded here what was I gonna say oh dude remember your Instagram post you made

no you did an Instagram post about Carl's Jr. oh yeah and you were like dude it's so funny Zipper can you actually go to Ludwig's Instagram

he does like a no free promo it's not free you pay they paid you did they pay for the yard no they didn't then we'll just talk shit it's gross so what do you know whoa whoa whoa whoa don't disparage one of my sponsors but also don't give them no promo yes yeah actually it's not a hard line to tell is this how business works bring it up is because it's a funny you you spend like a 30 second, 40 second short on Instagram talking about how much, how important Carl's Jr. is to you.

Carl's Jr. paid me to do an Instagram reel, which is weird because I don't do a lot. And I usually do YouTube shorts, but I was like, all right. And they're like, yeah, we got this new El Diablo burger. I'm like, great. And they're like, we'll pay you to eat it. I'm like, cool. They're like, you have to make a short about it. And I was like, great. And they're like, we'll pay you to eat it. I'm like, cool. They're like, you have to make a short about it. And I was like, all right.

Well, my first ever emote when I became a streamer was the Carl's Jr. logo. That's right. But straightened out and then painted brown for my asshole. Yeah. And I was like. But you didn't say that part in the reel. In the sponsored reel? About your asshole.

For Carl's Jr.? Yeah. Yeah. No, I didn't. It's weird. I feel like it's crucial to, I didn't. I feel like I feel like it's crucial to say that part.

But I feel like because why is it brown? Because you can't just make it brown and be like that's why it's funny to me. And it's a star. I guess to me, Slime

and maybe this is different than you I just I hope people define the crumbs and get there. I don't need to baby them through

all the pieces of the process. But it's more like does Carl's Jr. know that that is why your thing was a brown star a carl jr star is because it had more to do with your brown asshole than it did with carl's jr logo certainly not they don't know that definitely that's all i wanted to clear up they probably know it and i i love the idea that ludwig is in a call or or whoever nick allen and they're just talking.

It's like, yeah, they'll do it. And it's like this piano over your head where it's like you all know the real truth, but you're hoping that they don't find out. I don't think it's a piano over his head, though. Well, he's saying that if Carl's Jr. were to find out, that is my ball. I'm more alarmed that the executives at CJ. DJ. They're in the call. Don't abbreviate. Why? I don't like it.

CJ's. Okay, Hardee's. The executives over at Siege. They're in a call and Lud's like, so I took your logo and I made it brown and that's why it's funny now. And they were just like, it checks out. Yeah, put that in a fucking ad. This is so great.

Content creators are so great, aren't they? So creative. Well, I think you guys are misunderstanding how the chain of command goes. just like checks out. Yeah, put that in a fucking ad. This is so great. Content creators are so great, aren't they? So creative. Well, I think you guys are misunderstanding how the chain of command goes. Because the people lower down who do all the dirty work, who report to the higher ups. We call them the claws.

They understand usually. They might even know. They might know that it means you're a dirty asshole. They might. They're playing a prank on the bigwigs. But it's their job to frame it to the people above them

in a way that seems digestible and a way to get you money, which I do appreciate about them. I'm saying this is all great. It's just really funny. We play a fun game of telephone where it's like, hey, I have an emo. That's my dirty asshole. And then the execs lower down say, oh, he has an emote. And then the higher ups are like, oh, he loves Carl's Jr.

The CEO of Toyota isn't a Melee fan. Like, oh, he loves Carl's Jr. The CEO of Toyota isn't a Melee fan, but there's some guy on the bottom of the totem pole that's fighting... Fighting the good fight. Fighting the good fight. I found out who that person was, and it's one of my friends.

I didn't even know. And they fought the good fight. You play without sound. And respect him. But look how clean this ad is. Good haircut. Good haircut. Good sleep.

You can mute that. Good sleep. Yeah, that so he's just talking about yeah carl's jr helped me become the man i am today they did are you see all star meals this is really common with brands where they their their angle is like we want you to say how our product has contributed to your success yes but then they're like swiffer and it's like a clean house gives me the peace of mind to be a streamer.

Yeah, right. Literally. But this is more apt in my life because I did eat all-star meals for like a month because it was cheap. And it came with a cookie. It came with a cookie

and it came with two sandwiches and fries and a drink. I realized I couldn't have a normal job. The chemicals seeped into my brain Josh Peck's cameo now up and I were good reference Wow It's topical mmm. He loves it anyway free promo get an El Diablo burger apparently Look this is your shirt happy

Spice it's got a kick to it. I was supposed to get lemonade. It was not lemonade in that cup. I lied. What was it? Dubbin. Tea. Sweetened tea. Sweetened tea? No, unsweetened tea.

Because you don't like the calories. Dubbin. I have a question for you guys. I want to know if you guys think this is weird or not. So a friend was visiting this week, and we went to Griffithith Observatory and we're walking back down to the car. We walk by somebody and I think I recognize their sweatshirt. It's the mint mogul moves hoodie. And I don't know.

Flowers, no flowers, flowers, mint hoodie. And I recognize the hoodie and we're walking by them and I say, hey, man, nice hoodie. And I point it out and then they kind of double take. And then he's like thank you at first and then he recognizes that i'm i'm aiden but seems like a little you know a little like shook and then like says like you're aiden right and then him and his girlfriend just like move on and i'm like yeah that's cool i made that hoodie that interaction do you think it's weird for me to stop somebody who's wearing something we've made no and if like they're not a fan because he didn't seem like

particularly engaged with me at all which is fine i was just excited to see yeah because you said nice hoodie okay that's that's ultimately what saves this you didn't say point and point blank say i made that hoodie i said that Yeah. But you said nice hoodie beforehand. Yeah. It's fine. I think it's fine. I think it's cool. The council deems this okay.

You also made the hoodie. It'd be funny to say I made that hoodie, but just to any guy who's not wearing. Just to other. Hey, I made that hoodie. He's like, just Nike.

He's like, what? I made it. It's mine. I made it. If you, but if they were the actual person that made it, that they were no,

like if you were wearing a Nike hoodie and then someone says I made that, but they were being genuine, that'd be cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's a win. It's a positive interaction.

You made a new friend that day. Do you know what? You fucked up there. What? Every other aspect. Like what? Name them. Griffith on a weekend.

Probably. Open toe sandal Luffy The nerve into the gym and then came back to school. Now we all have to fear him a little bit. Yeah. He's got big, big arms now. All of your Japanese fans can tune into your Vinland Saga streams now because it's licensed. It is licensed.

It is licensed. Isn't that exciting? It is. He's saying an objective truth as a roast. All your native Japanese viewers. Why do they have to be native Japanese? They're all going to look at your really nice hair. Yeah, your nice hair.

There's English subtitles. It's super good. Thank you. Thank you. Do you think being a terminal weeb has harmed or hurt your personality? I'm not a weeb. What are you then? I'm a guy.

Are we inventing new words? I'm a guy who likes media. I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms.

I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms. I like all forms. He's not a weeb. He hasn't gotten into opium yet. I do want to get into opium. You don't want to get into opium. I want to get into it. Yeah, I want to start smoking opium. Yeah, I want to get into crack. Why? But opium.

Because they made wars about it. It's so funny. Okay, we talked about this last week. Which, again, there's also a drug cartel war going on over, like, heroin and meth. Is that not cool enough for you? If I did any drug, and my immediate thought was, like,

I could kill a million people right now for this. It's gotta be pretty fire. There's no way that shit's made. Zipper. Zipper. Do you know what 2C-B is? 2C-B? Why don't you do fentanyl like a normal

American? Ew. What do you mean ew? Everyone from New Hampshire does that. It's so boring. But not like, not shit that's boring. Not shit that's cool with it. Raw fent. I want the K-truck of drugs. What? You actually do. I want some deep cut. Oh, it's so cringe. You want deep cut? Yeah,

old school. Can you just do acid like Roger Sterling? You know what I would do? You want that thing that- You want deep cut? We could do two- What's that shit they use in Wolf of Wall Street? Money. Quaaludes? Quaaludes. You could do old money drugs? Yeah, let's do old money drugs. Opium and Quaaludes by Saturday night. Opium is actually an old money drug. Yeah. I think- I personally think drugs are bad. Drugs should not be able to have names as cool as Quaaludes. Quaalude is a great name. It should be like how cigarette packs in Australia have fucking Old Mate with the fucked up...

What do you call... I disagree. I think they should have cool names because then you know it's something like, ooh. Because right now it's like acetaminophen. You're saying it's the opposite of what I'm saying. Well, right now it's like the scientific names, right? Yeah, and you think that's cringe? Yeah, because they get wildly abused because it's like, ah, it is medicinal and science.

What if they change fentanyl to the drug that hides from gay people? And then no one would do it anymore. Or we'd all become gay. Whoa. I've never seen fentanyl What I've never seen Vandal I've never seen Vandal Yeah like all the time Half the time

50% of the time I'm around I made a joke once In the yard discord I was like Something like Aiden's 50% You know gay or something And then someone said no He's 100% bisexual. Like all serious.

I was like, oh, gee, I didn't mean it. Oh, wow. Watch what you're saying, you know. Don't find that profound. Maybe they're right. Falls on its way. Says who? HelloFresh.

Get chef crafted recipes featuring the seasonal ingredients delivered right to your door. What's a seasonal ingredient? Between ripe seasonal ingredients. Did you say seasonal liver? Nope. I said ingredients. Do they serve liver?

I don't think it's on the list. What is a seasonal ingredient for the fall? Liver is a summer ingredient. What are you eating? What are you doing? I got these chips. That's great. Do you know HelloFresh They give you the chips

And they give you Cosmic brownies Now chips So that progresses the story They give you So fresh pre-portioned ingredients Make it easy And help you cut down

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Yeah Not helpful They give you The worst schoolyard shit You could ever eat They also give you the option to swap proteins and they have a meal plan That suits your lifestyle Ludwig. It's good for more protein Nick I'll tell you that much because I'm a guy who likes more protein. They're tracking your macros. When have you when have you actually used it last? Because I know you like to use it. Nine days ago? Nine days ago. What did you cook up? What did you chef? Used it right now With his chips. What did you cook up? What did you chef? Used it right now. With his chips. What did you chef? It was a braised beef.

And we had some, uh... You want second pass when I'm done with this? No, that's alright buddy. Really appreciate you looking your lips there. On the fingers? It was second pass on the fingers? I used to fuck with the buffalo chicken quesadilla. Super easy to make. I have a friend, TierZoo, actually,

who on Twitter was talking about how he was diagnosed with high cholesterol. It's because he was eating fast food every day. Really? He stopped eating fast food, and he tweeted, unironically, like, my heart rate has dropped 30 BPM on average. Dude, that's crazy. And the thing that he's starting to do is taking a peek at the HelloFreshes of the world.

You know, cooking his own meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. HelloF fresh saved our friend's life yep uh go to hellofresh.com slash 50 the yard it's 50 the yard and use code 50 the 50 comes first the 50 comes first like you will come first because i'm a gentleman for 50 plus free shipping that's hellofresh.com slash 50 the yard. And one randomly selected person from America's number one meal kit of HelloFresh will get third pass on Aiden's Salty Fingers. Third pass. We get the first two passes. You get

third pass. There's still a bit left. That's fourth pass. America's number one meal kit. HelloFresh. Don't have a man. I don't even watch anime anymore. What do you do? You don't need to defend yourself. He reads Greek do? What do you do? We moved on. You don't need to defend yourself. We moved on.

He reads Greek books. I'm reading books. You're not Greek. What are you reading? Okay. What are you reading right now? Where's Adonis? He's the boy lover of Venus. Are those Greeks?

Yeah, I believe. Wait, so the... If you got it wrong, you're dumb. If you got it right, you read Greek books? Yeah. This is the own? I guess I read Greek books. But he denied it. That's true. Did you got it right, you read Greek books. This is the own. I guess I read Greek books. But he denied it.

That's true. Did you join the book club? No. Do you want to be in a book club with me? I don't think you'd keep up. I don't think you can read, actually. I really think you'd fail. No, no.

I'm a part of the aliens that can't. I can imagine you failing to read a book and then getting mad or something about it. You get mad in the books you read? No, you would get mad. Like, you would fail to read the book by the date in the book club. You'd get mad and you'd list off your excuses.

Would you use SparkNotes? Would you cheat? No. Yeah, I actually just finished the rest of the book on Wikipedia and found out how it ends. Would you? Nope. I don't think you would do that.

I think you would, like, we would have to do it in a month and you'd be like, dude, I had so much shit to do this week. I had your hoodies. I had your ho. I don't think you would do that. I think you would like, we would have to do it in a month and you'd be like, dude, I had so much to do this week. I had your hoodies that you didn't show up to the meeting for.

I didn't finish the fucking book. I didn't finish the fucking book. And you didn't tell us when we were going to go to Paris so I booked it last second. I didn't bring my book. You wouldn't keep up. You know how I know?

You know how I know? Because I'm in a book obligation right now and I was honest about why I was late. Oh, so you were late. That's so funny.

I didn't make any excuses. It's great to make excuses but you would be bad for a book though. What book? What book? What book? Brave New World. Cool. Never read it. Isn't it like a famous book? Yeah, this is like, don't you read it in school? Yeah, I didn't read it in school.

Brave New World. I got't read in school. Brave new world. Yeah. I got a book the other day. Who cares? I have to finish. So I don't, I don't know if you, I don't know if you know this, but I have to read,

I have to finish like the last, like 30, 40 pages of less than zero because I have not finished it. Oh yeah, finish it. Yeah. All right.

But I do like it. I read the Old Testament every day. That's so true. That's crazy because it's so cringe compared to the new I prefer the old one name five books the Old Testament the older the old No, you know five books with Old Testament Noah John yep, I'm waiting for one because none of these are one son of Jesus the Son of Jesus Christ Philippines I'm waiting for one because none of these are one. Son of Jesus. The son of Jesus Christ. Cain. Cain and Abel. The Philippines. What is it?

And the dollar menu. Wait. Genesis is the first one, right? Yeah, yeah. You know the most commonly misspelled tattoo is Philippians? Really? Why is Philippines getting tattooed so much? Philippians from the Bible.

Yeah. I said Philippines as a joke. It's like the tubes that deliver the egg to the... Because of Philippines and Philippians. Philippians. You know, I recently saw a picture of a uterus, and they're so much smaller than we think. Yeah, that's why it's hard to...

How does it hold all that pee? Stop saying, bro! Can we ask... How does it hold all the Sephora gift cards? Can we... Hey, y' all the Sephora gift cards Can we Hey y'all Y'all got some Ulta coupons God damn

God damn Your uterus so small How were they Piling makeup Right Lovin Lovin Lovin Lovin

Lovin please 90-10 baby 90-10 The ratio No we're like We're like 12 15 It's 85-15 We're arguing over penn like 12. 15. It's 85-15.

We're arguing over pennies here. It's actually 15-12. What about its fucking demo is exactly the same, which is crazy bears. No, they're 80-20. What is that? A uterus model? Yeah, they look like pears. That's where we came from.

Isn't that funny? The dark soul of man. You ever take a dump like one of those and then you go like my butthole had to be that diameter. At some point. I'm out now. I've often said that poop is merely a

physical representation. It's a 3D print of what your butt once was. I'm going to let you get out of this one. I don't want to get out of anything. Please. A poop is a 3D representation of the diameter of your butthole I'm gonna let you get out of this one? I don't want to get out of anything. Please, please. A poop is a 3D representation of the diameter of your butthole over time. Yeah.

And I thought about this in college. A 33% ACT score puts you at 98th percentile. That's fucking right, baby. That's fucking right. Yeah, so that... And that question was on it. It was on the... I retain knowledge. If Johnny takes a four-second poop that looks like this...

Do you think it'll grow if I do this? I don't want to be in this section of the episode. It's not a section of the episode! It's not a section of the episode where you talk about poop. You don't poop? Are you saying you don't poop? You compared it to women's uteruses. No.

We did it for a little, but then we moved on. We moved on very quickly. And we went to education really quick. What do you have against women's uteruses that you don't want to talk about them? I don't... I'm just not a fan of them. Alright! SAT off. Sat off. SAT off loser has to simulate women's pregnancy.

Oh, I never took it. Can I study? No. Yeah, studying is cringe. How do you simulate it? With those muscle pads? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, this is so high stakes, actually. That shit hurts. Half the population will go through this. Yeah, and it's awful. Yeah. And they've gone through it for centuries. I don't want to do it. It sucks. Do you want to kill Monday? No, I'm making fun of Yeah. And they've gone through it for centuries. I don't want to do it. It sucks.

That's what I hate every time. No, I'm making fun of you. No, I know. Do you want a kid one day? Me? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool.

Do you know how kids are born? Yeah. So you're okay with subjecting a woman to it, but you won't go through it yourself. We have epidurals. Okay, you can get an epidural and do it. C-sections. So you can just beat your labor. Do you think a c-section's like good?

And adoption. C-sections are brutal. Dude, c-sections are like half of pregnant, like births now. I know, but they're not like good to go through. Uh, don't they, I imagine they'd hurt less, right? I was a c-section baby. Rise up. Am I, am I being an object?

C's for commander. My understanding is you're anesthetized for the C-section. Does that work? Anesthetized. But here, look. Realize. Listen, Aiden, you damn son of a bitch.

Sometimes doing shit that isn't fun for a bet is entertaining. Oh, I know. We shouldn't whinge at that. We should do... that isn't fun for a bet is entertaining. Yeah, oh, I know. And we should, we shouldn't whinge at that. We should do, I'll give you an upper barrel

if you lose. That's words so much. I'm so fucking charmed. Recovery after vaginal birth is usually shorter and less painful than after a C-section. because you got cut.

Yeah, they're cutting you open, right? It's surgery in addition to childbirth. So is that the exchange? The recovery is worse and longer

but the the baby comes out baby come out easier well it's usually like necessary put me back again i want to do it i want to do it the original way epidemic in the u.s right now is there are a lot of non-necessary c-sections that's why i'm gonna do a natural baby running through the vagina and then through the c-section like a gerbil in like a tunnel Yeah, it's an image for sure. It's a scary Scurry through it over and over like a play place all say this you spit the podcast down the middle ours is better I thought I'm saying You know if you go back to watch this whole episode. It's like you got anime arguments. Oh Trash taste little bro. He was electric. I gotta, I've got to be off cam every time Slav talks about vaginas.

Why? What the fuck? Archie, I need you locked in on the right shot for this episode. I am the favorite of our women demographic. Dude, you're like Donald Trump. That's actually insane that he said that. He's right. He talks exactly like Donald Trump.

I can't even lie. Every time we ask this question, I hate asking this question because I'm proven wrong every time I go into the fucking comments. What the fuck do you want from me? You don't read comments anymore. You don't read comments. Get out of bed unless it's for business fucking. You don't even read comments on your own videos anymore.

First off, I read comments on my own videos. You don't read the Reddit. You don't care about the fans anymore. I don't care about the Reddit. That's a fact. I'm in there in the trenches saying, hey, what's up? How are we doing? How are we doing? How are we doing in the chat room? That's not what he's saying, to be clear.

He's saying, I want to shoot your brain with my gun. I went into the comments of that carrot interview I did. They've been making a bunch of shorts out of it. So I opened one where I think we're Eric is talking about Smosh and in the comments because my nails

are still painted after fit from when I do that interview and some dude is just like on me about painting my nails and there's like a 20 comment thread between three people about how like we're losing our masculinity and I and I'm just like I'm just like, it is so funny because it's the first time I've ever had my nails painted. And the reason I kept it for like two weeks was because I don't have

nail polish remover. So I just didn't know how to get it off. It's insane to say nails is why you're losing your masculinity. I would say it's your bench press. My bench press?

I smurf your peak at bench. That'd be crazy. I smurf your peak. How do you smurf at bench as well? Pretending you are strong. You're wearing a janitor outfit. Yeah, you dress up

as the janitor and you do the one arm lift. Can I clean here? Dude, I liked those nails. They were very deep red. Very sultry. The color, I think, didn't match with a lot of stuff, but it was fun.

I think it opened up your vixen-like nature. That's why I liked it. Yeah. I did feel like... I did feel like... I told him this at Ponton's. I said, you're a femme fatale right now. Yeah, and then I thought about about this I told him this at Ponton's I said you're a femme fatale right now yeah so

and then I thought about this I thought about this and I was like I did feel like I was tempting Nick more that week at home

I'm saying bro tempting me yeah to what what the body won't quit oh you think that I was being wooed yeah

I do think you have a body that won't quit you're like Patricklis that what no he had he was out of shape and he only wore shorts Yeah I do think you have a body that won't quit You're like Patroclus That What No he had Patroclus He was out of shape

And he only wore shorts He was Not out of shape Like what do you mean He was in Aiden's shape Well whenever it was fucking with Squidward It was like You talking about Patrick Star

That's what you're talking about No I'm talking about Achilles' boy lover Did you use Achilles Where's your boy lover? That's your Patrick Star. That was pretty bad. Was it?

That's like one of your worst impressions. No. Yeah. I don't like boy love. Michael's. Is it Napoleon Dynamite coded? It's probably closer to that. So why are you making like a homophobic Patrick Star? He's not closer to that. Yeah. Ugh. So why are you making like a...

I felled off. ...a homophobic Patrick Star? He's not homophobic, he's Patrocles, but as Patrick. Okay. But he doesn't like boy love. I think he doesn't like it because he's the boy slave. He's not a slave. Okay.

You don't need to defend ancient Greece. What is it, boy? No one's there. What is it, boy? You got a clue? No, I'm just thinking. What are you thinking? What is he cooking? I'm just's there. What is it, boy? You got a clue? No, I'm just thinking. What are you thinking? What are you cooking?

I'm just thinking about starfish. About starfish? Don't they produce fucking asexually? Or do they fuck? I don't know. Do starfish fuck? Do they have uteruses? We don't know.

Science may never know. I don't think they have uteruses. How do you produce asexually? I think that's like a mammal thing. You just split. I think they got both. Males release sperm into the water and females release eggs. They can bring their arms back though.

They're broadcast spawners. What a fun word. Dude, it's like Ludwig. Yeah. What? You're a broadcast spawner. You just kind of. You go live and then incels are born. No.

No, he goes live and other people try to ape his shit immediately. Yeah. He spawns broadcasters. Yo, yes. You make a little lud-like streamers. Yeah, you guys. We're all streamers. You're all creators now.

Do you think I'm a lud-like? You're all creators. You're a creator. You're all above it. You're all actually above it and make art. I'll hold that. But if I stream, do you think I'm a lud-like? No, it's art.

It's not art either. Yeah, what? You think i think that you think what me doing on stream is art i call it slop literally every day i think you called this art at the start of this show this show oh this is art is this show sometimes aren't we creators because of this show yeah the the honest true answer is sometimes podcasting is art but only in the moments. But otherwise, I call it slop. You write that down.

I make slop for the piggies. Yeah. Yes, sir. You have to feed the piggies. I know. If you don't oink, you'll oink. I've been working on the farm

for so many years now. I'm like telling my 40-year-old dad who's owned a farm his whole life. Fucking, you gotta feed them. I've been through a lot of generations of babies

I'm a content creator yeah unfortunately mom wait would you class do you admit it like

are we creators it's hard to deny it it is hard to deny I'm not gonna get in a debate with someone about it I'm gonna lose yeah

if someone's like well let me point out what you do you put content on YouTube and you're in it we have to create a mile sometimes he's saying it like I won't accept it though I'm confused about that. Um, do you think I'm running from it? No. Well, I thought he was a bit

Oh cuz he he got real defensive about he's the most creator of the three of us. Yeah. Yeah by far I know that this is the fate Look, bro. I'm not I sell clothes You're bro. I sell clothes. Yeah, that's what you pretend. That's we tell yourself Aiden the accidental influencer Yeah, featured on carrot calm. Yo it was on YouTube We're doing a fine into people at Griff observ to be like, do you recognize me? Do you recognize me? Hey, nice hoodie, I made it. Do you know what I want? Do you recognize me?

Oh, I made your hoodie. Hi, hi, I don't care. Be gone. Care to interview, care to interview. Rich, be gone. Oh, oh, oh. You didn't, yeah. I don't think water does anything to a witch.

You will have big haunches now. What does that mean? Boop. Up my thighs? Yeah. Now? Is that what a thighs is? Are they underneath the leg?

You did not get a 33. I don't believe that. I'm telling you the truth. You didn't get one. I could dig it up. Look in the Colorado Archives. I don't think they have an archive of ACT scores. Okay, then how do they keep track, dumb bitch? You keep the paper. You keep it.

No, they probably keep a database. They have to keep your scores. This is the most- There's no way they keep your database. This is such an insane argument. You actually think they keep- Of course they have a database. No, definitely because if they don't, then you can just say what your score is.

No, no, no, I mean there's probably some like email or formal document that you get. Yeah, that's a- I got a 33 composite. Wow, I wonder where that document is saved. It's called a composite. It's also- it's actually three scores combined and I got the 33 composite. But that's how I remember it, because I fucking know, because I was like, damn, I'm kind of nice at this shit. Next week, let's run it.

SATs? Like on the show? It's so long. Just quietly taking the SATs for four hours. You can do a shorter one. Um. Diet SAT? Yeah you can do a diet SAT. You can do like a PSAT practice test online.

Dude I'm gonna be horseshit. It would be fun to take it and then bring the results to the show. I don't think we do writing though. Oh I don't want to write the essay. Okay, so I can't win? Yeah. Well, no, it's just like you have to get that graded by somebody who's like a professional, you know. Right, it's not just multiple choices.

No, we can have Slime grade them. We can have Zipper grade it. Zipper grades our writing. Zipper, mine's all zips. It's like A+. Zipper, you're taking like salvia before reading the essays Which ones to be fair so were our teachers? Yeah, yeah those adjuncts they were getting paid $30 a class Poor as shit. It's all they could afford a salvia

You want me to grade these not on mushrooms? Okay, sure So we okay we do we do the reading and we do the math. Then we do the breeding. That's not part of it. Who do we breed with? Wasn't there a breeding section? There was a breeding section. I don't remember it.

Yeah, there was a breeding section. I think it was an ACT. It was a West Coast thing. No, it was breeding. No, we didn't breed in Colorado. You guys didn't breed? I missed out, yeah. West Coast SATs, you got your breeding section. You go into a room, there's like a thing so you can't cheat.

Because it's in liberal California in Washington. You have the breeding section. Just a into a room. There's like a thing so you can't cheat. In liberal California in Washington you have the brain detection. There's a penis-sized hole in the wall. Using the shitty-ass like pencil sharpener and then having to use the shitty-ass sex swing

that like the school has. Yeah, because the public school's got the most dog-shit sex swing. Can we take the SAT but make it accurate to school? Because if we were in school I would have cheated on mine.

You would not be able to cheat. So if I get caught then I lose. No, it's stupid. But I would have cheated on mine. The only way to cheat to cheat. So if I get caught, then I lose. No, that's stupid. But I would have cheated on mine. The only way to cheat an SAT is convince someone who looks like you to do it who's smart. That works. People do that.

Dude, that's so funny. They pay people to take it for them. You don't know me, bro. I was custom, bro. I was cutting erasers open. So we're going to have to find Syndrome from The Incredibles to take his test. It sucks because that will hit so hard with someone who hasn't heard that. But they don't know it's a burn method.

My shirt. My thing says BS on my shirt. Jimmy Neutron. Jimmy Neutron. Justin Beavan. Dubbin Bieber. Justin Bieber Dumb and Bieber Dumb and Bieber Yeah I knew I was using a burn method That was for the kids at home that never heard rap before

It's funny because Justin Bieber As an insult in 2023 Is just turned into oh you look like that Really hot guy that a lot of people like With a hot wife and a great life and rich And like a little bit of attitude And he loves God is just turned into, oh, you look like that really hot guy that a lot of people like. With a hot wife and a great life and rich. Yeah. And like a little bit of attitude. And he loves God.

He does love Jesus Christ. And he's a fucking man, dude. And then there's Baby Luffy. Don't take back what's yours. Let him have it on. Baby Luffy's got, he's speedier than the other Luffy's, but he's got bad attacks.

Yeah, he can enter the battlefield and attack immediately. All right, we all have to go live. I'll find the test. Ooh. We cannot look at chat. Put chat away. To be honest.

I think this is a good idea. We take the test. I guess maybe we shouldn't go live. Or should we? I think live is fun. It's only bad because then we'll know the results when we all come back.

We won't be able to reveal it. I think it's more fun to do that instead of quietly doing a test in our rooms all right we all go live we all take our sat test we all come back and then we have the baby machine here it's actually bad content for your your stream specifically because it's just you staring at a screen is the sat not not like six hours? The SAT's four hours, but I think the PSAT

for multiple choice math and English would probably be like 90 to two hours, 98 minutes to two hours. It wouldn't be that long. All right, I got another idea. We all have to make a short film. Winner wins. No, we have to make a melee tournament.

Yeah, whoever makes the best melee tournament. I feel like this is a good idea. You know what I've realized? All my friends are getting better at the things I do. I don't think I'm the best of all my friends at anything anymore. Did you at one point? I guess I believed I did. What are you talking about?

You're definitely the best at writing. No, I don't want to hear compliments. Maybe, sure. But Nick wrote dialogue the other day, and I'm like, yeah, this is good. What did you think you were the best at that you've lost? Because you're saying it as a transition. I had video games sometimes, like Melee for a while. I was better than some of my friends.

I think I am the worst stats-wise of all. So you're not even that... So you're saying things that you are clearly dominant at rather than... Even small-ly better. You just... Okay, so I was playing Neon White, which is like a speed game type beat.

You gotta go fast, you gotta click buttons, you gotta shoot stuff. And I'm just... You can see your friends' scores who has it on Steam, who has played the game. And Mike had all the top scores. It was like Mike, Sam, and who I thought was Aiden Cuz I have a friend on my Steam with the same space ghost picture

So I thought it was you and I was like Aiden cannot have a better score than me So I was just No, fuck, Moonsan number one buyers were fucking at the top of the league wars But it wasn't Moonsan number one buyer. It was a different name, but I just thought it was you still. And I'm like, oh, fuck. So I'm like trying to grind to beat these Aiden times, which are dog shit,

but it's not Aiden. So I'm like, yeah, that's right. He would give up on this time. And I'm like making up a guy in my head. Just don't play this game. So I'm basically like playing,

I'm playing Mike percent. Cause I'm just trying to play the game to beat Mike score for every level. And I'm playing, no, I love it. It's really fun. No, I'm saying hate grinding. Cause you want to just beat your friends i'm hate grinding yeah and then

and i realized i was like if like any of if like kyle gets on this game he's just gonna gap me and then i'm having to try really hard to win and i'm like i don't want to do that and i had this moment where i was like i just don't want to try hard enough aside from the occasional exceptional gamer like kyle who i think is quite good at every game he picks up initially i hate that i think it's i think it's just generally at least with video games i feel like you never you don't you you spread yourself thin you just play a lot of different things i just don't try i don't think that's that's it. I just don't practice or apply myself. Tell him.

What do you think it is? Why am I bad? Think about how many games he plays. He plays a lot of games, but I think he just generally doesn't. I feel like oftentimes you just play and you want to swag out. It's cookie clicker. And you want to have fun and play a game. You like cookie.

But you don't necessarily do the stuff to improve. What do you do to improve? I play a game. You like cookie. But you don't necessarily like do the stuff to improve. What do you do to improve? I guess the last time was only up. Only up, yeah. And I just looked at a lot of odds. I watched a lot of people play and I learned the best route for me. I think it also could be as simple as

when Lud does something wrong, he's probably quicker to never do it again. Sure. Rather than like being a huge grinder. It's like this, like you do something wrong and you go, oh, last time I did that, so I can never do it again. Sure. Rather than being a huge grinder. It's like you do something wrong and you go, oh, last time I did that, so I can't do that anymore. And then you whittle down to the thing that works. If you didn't strain, and if you were a baker,

some baker, you wouldn't have your attention. You own the bakery, he works at it. I make Japanese pastries. I want to make Japanese pastries, I would make baguettes. And you would make a baguette, and they would talk to his mother. A baguette pastries. I would make baguettes. And he would make a baguette and they would talk to his mother. A baguette? It's like a burger with a beer gut. His mother has a helicopter pad on her roof.

Would you still play video games the way you play like OnlyUp? Or would you not care enough? I know it's hard to imagine your life without like streaming, but like that aspect of you that like I'll get really good at OnlyUp because it's impressive

and it's like a fun thing to watch. And it's like, puts me in concert with all these things. Would you do that without an audience? I wouldn't even play video games. Probably. That's crazy. I think I only play party games or. You wouldn't like casually download something like only.

You wouldn't still dabble in a little solo queue Valorant here and there? No. What? I don't even think I would. I don't think so. I think I'm loving Pillow. I think I've always really only played games as a way to play with friends. Sure.

Yeah, but he could have that too, right? In this scenario that you're describing? So you wouldn't run Jump King? No. You wouldn't download that shit and just play it? Offline? Offline. That's so interesting.

I wouldn't even dream of touching it. Do you still love playing the game? Yeah, I like playing it. You like performing it. You like performing the game. I like performing it, sure. That's okay. I'm not trying to get down on it.

I'm trying to light a fire under you. I would rather... It isn't flip in, flip out shit. You know what I'd rather do? Sit by a nice hearth and read a book. You know, just crack it in. I hate you. I hate you as a guy.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I just love to crack into a nice book. He's so, I did this this week, and it's my whole personality now. Just read, you know? And I'm like that too, but not as bad. Give me like a blanket. Because like food feeds my mouth, but books feed my soul. Yo!

The difference. So I like that. Yeah, I read that in a book. I like that. Yeah, I'm going to figure that out when I read the book that I'm supposed to read eventually. When you play a game,

it titillates your mind, but when you read a book, you're... What? What happens? What happens instead? You're jumping in someone else's mind and getting titillated.

Oh, really? Yeah. But not a game. Yeah. Only mine. Only mine, only mine. Well, yeah, I. But not a game. Yeah. Only mine. Only mine, only mine. Well, yeah, I don't know. I think games also just are more time consuming.

Because I've thought about playing Baldur's Gate. But let's say you play like a, you have a 40 hour job at the bakery. Bakery. And you just have fucking time to go home. And you just like have a dog and a waft. I probably have a kid. You probably have a kid? I assume you don't have a waft. I probably have a kid. You probably have a kid?

I assume you don't have a kid yet. You're your own age. You're still your own age. You just never streamed. You don't have a kid yet. Oh, okay. No stream. But I'm crushing to the bakery?

And you're crushing the bakery. The bakery's doing great. It's doing well. Oh my God, it's so good. So he doesn't stream, but he's in his current self. Yeah, he's a 27-year-old. Where's the bakery located? It's up north. It's in Cannes. Okay, I like that. That's a regal. Yeah, he's a 27-year-old. Where's the bakery located? It's up north.

It's in Cannes. Okay, I like that. That's a regal. Yeah. It's in Edmonton. Edmonton? Yeah. Isn't that nice?

Yeah. Right? A corner spot, too. And you got it for a really good price. Is there competition nearby? There is. There is, but you're winning. Okay, good.

I hope it's friendly. Yeah, I would like to think so. Yeah. But there like to think so. But there's an immigrant problem. You have a photo of one of your customers. Hold on. What are we doing about it? And you're racist. Yeah, you are racist.

And that factors into how you run your business. Canada is a terrible place to open a business. Do I sell to everyone? Do I sell to everyone still? Well, you sell fresh bread to some. Oh, God. And then stale bread to everyone? Huh? Do I sell to everyone? Well, you sell fresh bread to some. Oh, God. And then stale bread to others?

You have stale bread. Basically, it ultimately hurts your bottom line, but you were so strong in your evil values. Wait, what hurts my bottom line? Well, being able to sell

to some people. And you don't believe in gun control. You're going to be, yeah, that does check out if you're in Alberta. Like, I don't believe we should control guns.

Yeah, everyone should just have automatic weapons. I mean, we're pretty chill in Canada There hasn't been a lot of school shoes. You think that kids should have to write in this? No, they did some other fucked up shit at schools though. So that's another this is the guy you are. Yeah, okay But the bakery's doing great your rapper and you're not Time yes time I'm saying you've time to play game you have time Yeah! He has time!

He has time is what I'm saying. You have time to play a game! You have time to play a game if you play the game! Wow. It's such a simple scenario question! I think I'm on slash B being racist. I don't think I'm signed to this. I run a bakery in Edmonton.

Come through. Is Cutie also a baker? Still? I don't- well, does he know Cutie, right, is the thing. Yeah, I assumed he's with Cutie in this scenario. I'm not with her, I find her. But she's- she's- she's'm not with her I find her but she's And you find her in the cosmic stars and you're together, but she's the normie she's not he's not a streamer I'm not a streamer either

She does like cosmetology Yeah, so so do you play video games? Do you play like I would play like that, like, mean more to me. Do you play, like, Christian? This is dumb. I think this is dumb because he... You already play games off-stream sometimes. Sometimes.

No, but he only... He has self-admitted only plays them if they, like, advance the idea of a stream or an event. The ones that I would play would be, likeen ring or like zelda a new the new mario 3d game i wanted him to play sea of thieves with me because i wanted to be a pirate a beautiful glistening pirate with no clothes on and he's like i'm not gonna do that it's not in the fucking best gamer in the world competition i could play sea of thieves it's not a great time to play sea of thieves but but that's what i saying. I wanted a game that we could all play as boys and go on an adventure with. Dude, the

perfect game is if we bring back PokeMMO. That was so fun. It was fun. I think if you get taken... He does this all the time. Well, no. The winch. I think if we get taken down. That's my concern. If you play it on stream? Oh, yeah. If you make a video about it, I think it'd be like a problem. PokeMMO.

Oh, you're thinking about it as a stream. Because everything is about being on your phone. It's all about being on your phone It's all about it's all about the internet in the black mirror. I got I got 30 employees They don't don't I do no you don't he kind of does why do I not what is your massive bakery? Off-brand counts right or is it bakery off-brand dies if I stop tomorrow you you believe this I thought we were talking about the bakery So he's talking not about the bakery. He's talking about the bakery stuff. Oh, no. He's talking not about the bakery. He's talking about the real world. I'm talking about the real world. I have 30 employees. I think off-brand lives if you die.

No. Definitely not. No. It would be slow. 0%. Because he's the gateway into a lot of the projects. Also the funding. Ah. He's the brown star. The brown star. Of the world we gave i don't know what he's saying but i'm trying to say those i have 30 employees and so i have i have to work for

livelihood that is my responsibility oh you talk about it so much so all your hypotheticals are like like imagine you don't have that what do you do now it's like i don't know well that's the fun talk about it so much. All your hypotheticals are like, imagine you don't have that. What do you do now? It's like, I don't know. Well, that's the fun in imagining it. Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry. Imagine you're a French YouTuber and you have a Vespa and you have a cool house. What the fuck? Imagine that's your life. I'm sorry. I've done this before.

I'm radiant in Valorant and I get hella bitches. I asked him before. You asked him a hypothetical question. He's like, I don't even think about that so it's not relevant. It's like, you're just afraid to think. bitches. I asked him before. You asked him a hypothetical question. He's like, I don't even think about that, so it's not relevant. It's like you're just afraid to think.

No, I just think I'm excited to think about life, but not about hypothetical life. Well, I just, it's a conversation. That's the thing. I'll ask you that on the couch over there, and you'll be like, that's not hypothetical. No, I guess it doesn't matter.

You're just like robot, like walk out. It's so crazy. I'm anti- hypotheticals. Yeah You're hitting you the girlfriend like if I was a worm basically, you know I'm so on your team now. No, I'm not Cuz it's an impossible. I just want to know you I don't care about what you think about me. It's You just said that like we're dating If I was a guy who looked like a worm, but I'm still a guy and I can prove it Edmonton you're in the bakery

I'm yeast Would you make me into bread and sell me or would you keep me as yeast? The platonic male version of that question is if I was 5'1 would you still be my friend Well no 5'1 is a real height Women can be worms No it's like Catholic Christian like worms can be women But women cannot be worms

Well I think we learned a lot Once again I come away from a conversation slash entertaining show with Ludwig learning nothing he did answer finding nothing out my answer and yet I still feel empty

curious you know what I think I would play games with my friend Slime and whatever he wanted to do and we'd be at the bakery I would only be with my bakery employees and we play every day together and we'd have a land set up in the back of the bakery and if you're a worm i'd give you a small joystick to play with and there'll be a tiny little controller for me and i had a little

bow on my worm head and no immigrants at the bakery. I would have immigrants allowed. Zero. I would say this is my worm. He's really racist. He's actually specious. It's not a user. It's Ludwig and the Worm. It's a sitcom.

And it's his racist worm and he's a French baker. It's not a thing of race. It's a thing of... It's even... All race. Just like, It's even, all the rice. He's just like, Would you still love me

if I was a racist worm? Oh my God. That is funny, doesn't it? Okay, hey man, thanks for listening to The Yard this week. We're going to do

a premium episode. Now, Aiden, play us out. A-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Where are you? And i'm so sorry i was fucking horrible um no sorry about that guys goodbye now we're gonna go to the premium episode patreon.com you don't mean that slash the yard