The Yard - Ep. 137 - Jschlatt Is A Bad Influence
Episode Date: February 28, 2024This week, the boys talk about the new show Unpaid Intern, Ludwig's teacher found out about the podcast, and how the boys want to put Aiden in a Zoo.....
Transcript
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Okay, we're rolling right now.
I want you...
Yeah, we're rolling.
And I want you to eat that bagel.
I want you to eat that bagel to show the world what you're actually like.
Mm-hmm.
Show the world what you're actually like, dude.
This is what I'd be... If we were not rolling, this is what I'd do. I'd eat a bagel, and the world what you're actually like. Mm-hmm. Show the world what you're actually like. This is what I'd be,
if we were not rolling
so I'd do,
I'd eat a bagel
and I'd go.
Yep.
Look,
gaze.
Gaze upon ye.
This is,
this is the Ludwig
that you guys miss out on
when the camera's not rolling.
You want to do a Final Fantasy
7 sponsor like this week?
His screen,
his screen time's doing
like the Nazi Zombies
glitch thing
where it's like
round negative
2E7
1 million.
He went to minus world.
You know when
you go to a zoo
and the first exhibit
at the front of the place
is it's always
like the penguins.
The penguins are like
right there
when you walk in.
I want it to be Ludwig
eating the bagel
and on his phone.
And in a tank top
just looking like
a fucking Adonis.
And he's got like
a little tank that you can
look into the water through the glass if he wants to
swim. Let me just start
by saying. I don't wear the tank on stream.
I like top. Also finish your bagel. I'm not gonna finish
a whole ass bagel. It's gonna take me so long. But you got
it. But you bought it. You brought it to the
set. You brought it to the set where we do a show
also. What is that logic?
What is that logic?
Can I walk you guys through a thought tree
I just had? Yeah. So I imagined a
zoo exhibit where Aiden's in the middle of it.
Oh, okay. I like it. And he's
playing Valorant on his computer.
Is he starving?
No. Can we throw food at him?
I'm in a zoo. They keep me well fed.
Could he be? Well, let me pitch you the concept and you tell
me if he's starving or if he's himself.
Normally. So, alright. So he's playing Valorant tell me if he's starving or if he's himself normally.
So, all right, so he's playing Valorant.
He's got headphones on.
He's playing.
He's like, dude.
And thousands of people.
It's the most popular zoo in the world.
It's like the Australia Zoo.
It's in Calcutta.
This is like the Australia Zoo.
Yeah.
It's big.
It's Calcutta during a soccer riot.
On the side of the zoo, there's a hole that you can put your penis inside of.
Yeah.
So people are coming up
and putting the penis in the hole,
but he's not noticing.
Yeah, it's just,
they're just popping in
and then people are like
kind of waiting.
Yeah, they're waiting.
And then the penis goes away.
And then the penis goes like,
oh, fuck.
And they kind of get bored
or maybe pissed
like they're not being picked
or they don't know.
They just leave
and this happens for,
I don't know,
maybe a week
That's right. Yeah, he just never notices. Yeah, and he kind of gets up and he goes like
Is there a sign that's like Aiden the cock sucking animal put your dick in and experience a world of delight world of pleasure from From our biggest best boy make anybody bust man woman fill in the blank
I'm waiting for the most honorable penis. It's like the sword and the stone.
Everybody wants to see if their penis will be chosen.
You either get the biggest blowjob of all time or he guillotines your cock.
He sucks the most cocks in Coney Island.
Come on, come on.
Extra, extra.
And it's the same like Disney where an employee's watching and they see a nice cock and they buzz.
And that's when you actually get to suck it.
Well, not get to suck it. Get to. That's when he gets and that's when you actually get to suck it. Well not get to suck it. That's when he gets that's when that's
when I deem it fit enough. That's true he deems it fit enough. He's the... A cock so so
mighty and fine that it draws me from my solo queue game. Like a pie in the windowsill.
Sorry, sorry Cypher. I have to go do something. You're like, I'll be back after this round.
Don't worry.
People are going to trick you like they do in Disney
where they come up looking disabled
and they're going to hobble over
and you're going to be like,
maybe it is a mighty cock.
And then you make them bust
and then they walk normal.
They do this at Disneyland.
Wait, make people bust?
Yeah.
Say it again.
Make people bust?
No, no.
I'm just Jesus in this scenario.
There's the sword and the stone in Disneyland,
and you pull it, and sometimes it comes out,
but there's an employee who has a button,
and they wait for children or oftentimes disabled people.
Right, to make their day.
Yes, because it's more valuable to make their day.
Dude, this is the sword and the stone?
And then you just rock up all different.
There's literally a video of a guy hunching over to it,
like limping, and then it pulls out, and he's like, like yeah and he jumps and runs away being the sword in the stone button
operator only doing it on women and then going up to him later i guess we should have listened
yo you pulled that sword really good yeah you know what most people can't do it but you did
and i work here so i know you're really strong it's cool you play peach people think it's a
button but it's actually just really beautiful women and's cool you play Peach. People think it's a button, but it's actually just
really beautiful women.
And it's automatic.
It's an AI camera.
It's really good at finding
beautiful women
that I'm in love with.
Wait, hold on.
So how far away
is this cock hole
from Aiden's...
It's far.
It's far.
But it's not so far
that he...
He should know where he is.
He's not getting fed up.
It looks like he's in a...
It looks like he's in a diorama
of like an anthill.
Like there's...
Yeah, I can see it all.
Yeah, it's like glass enclosures.
Thousands of people watching.
He doesn't see any of it.
I don't want to focus on the penises.
He doesn't even realize how he got here.
He doesn't even realize.
So to round back to my initial question,
yeah, I think it's funnier if he's starving.
Yeah, because then there'd be a reason to go.
Because maybe they would have like their handouts to the cage.
Why wouldn't there be a reason?
Because maybe there's like another hole where they can put their handouts.
Oh, because they'll stick food in as a gift for the cock sock like a gummy ring around the cock that you could eat
a faceless man in all white brings his uber eats in like a like he wore he works for black mirror
he says thank you to the guy not thinking about who he is or why it's being delivered
and he goes back to the screen immediately. But no, imagine a Mr. Beast style scenario.
I fed a hundred people only cum for a hundred days.
Now, now, you know what?
That's crass.
What?
That's crass, dude.
That's crass.
What?
Why is it crass?
Jesus Christ.
Aiden looking at rancid cock.
That's disgusting.
He's very philanthropic.
Why does it have to be rancid?
Don't make it rancid. Oh, the people in the zoo are very well kept. There's a well established hyg cock. He's very philanthropic. Why does it have to be rancid? Don't make it rancid.
Oh, the people in the zoo are very well kept.
There's a well established hygienic individual in the zoo.
It's the Australia Zoo!
The Australia Zoo, they're calling them their Wazawaloo.
And they're fucking popping through the fucking wall.
And you know it's dirty because they don't shower.
It's some cut it out guy with a mullet.
It's a very nice zoo.
They have another exhibit for the cut.
And it's very clean. It's very nice to have another exhibit for the cut and it's very clean
Jackson with an axe has stuck his dick through the fucking exhibit
Hey mate, I put me dick in there
He's gonna suck it. I promise look and he's like no, he's not gonna do it
Let's go get a snow cone. Dude, this is the best you've ever done.
Holy shit.
Josh Mann has been rubbing off on you a lot.
You guys think this shit's sweet out here.
I wish I could do the accent.
This is so much better than the last time you did it.
What are you talking about?
That was the best you've ever done it.
That was different.
You have locked something within you.
Dude, did I tell you
when we were in Colorado and Josh,
I just made his life miserable by he needed a smaller pillow,
and he asked the guy we were staying with, he's like,
hey, do you think I could get, like, a smaller pillow?
Like, this one's, like, too big.
And he was like, uh, sure.
And the whole day, the next day, if Josh was annoying to me,
I'd be like, oh, is the pillow too big?
No, no. The pillow
might be a little big for my head,
but I'd be appreciative if I could get
a smaller pillow, and he would just fucking
want to punch me in the face.
He performed horribly, didn't he?
He didn't do horribly. He did fine.
He lost to Crudo, and Crudo's the best player
in the world. Yeah, it is true.
Zane said there's like three players who can
do it and become the next best and
he said Crudo is one of them really everyone thinks this is other two uh he said mango
he said Crudo hey I B W D good I don't remember I just remember Crudo okay all right let's finally
to to put a kit to put a can on this uh if Aiden is starving in the zoo playing Valorant, Cox
You know what would be funny?
If it was like a Panopticon
instead of just one. Stop.
No, let's go ahead and go back to that. No, he brought up an annoying term
you have to explain it now. Yeah. You don't know it.
Word of the week. Don't bring up
an annoying term and then be like, you don't know Panopticon?
The word of the week is Panopticon.
It's presumably a shape.
This is an honest poll. I want our viewers a shape. This is a this is an honest poll
I want our viewers to fucking know
Like shit, I don't look like shit
Shake posted a picture of you eating a burger and it's out of focus cuz you're back here in the background
I'm like even out of focus. He's okay. The camera was just like lovely Mexican burger. It doesn't make sense
It was just like lovely Mexican burger.
That doesn't make sense.
I don't know why.
It's a pedopticon is a concept of like a prison where you are, you're always being watched because all the cells are in a big circle.
You're such a dumb piece of shit.
Sounds like my phone.
How would we know that?
I went to college.
Sounds like every day of my life.
What?
It's like a common.
What'd you go to college for?
It's like a thought experiment.
What'd you go to college for?
Prison?
Literature.
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Thank you, Damon. I'm no comment. I like you, man. What do you call it? A prison? Oh, I know what you're talking about. Thank you,
Damon. I like you, man.
I like you. Is this like
in The Walking Dead?
I learned this in Cool Rooms a lot.
It's a circular prison where all the
cells are in a circle, and in the middle is an
observation tower. You don't know who's
looking at you, so it's as if you're always
being observed, even though they cannot
possibly observe anyone at the same time.
It's just a thought idea. Anyway, it's a panopticon always being observed, even though they cannot possibly observe anyone at the same time, right? So it's just a thought idea.
Anyway, it's an opticon,
but instead of cells, it's cocks.
You're in the middle.
What's it called?
I don't like this.
I don't like this. Now that I have a very distinct visual of what this is,
because I didn't know the word,
but I've seen this.
It's like there's a big sweeping shot.
You're in the middle starving,
and I'm in the middle,
and I'm surrounded by
cocks your ribs are showing and there's a big sweeping shot and there's all these holes
it's like and it's like a big pan it's like and all these cocks popping out one by one
like artillery shells and if they walk forward and you don't see them move then they get
to keep moving if you see them there's C stands and lights there's C stands and lights and there's C stands also Sound speeds sound
There's some gaff and so there's a boom we need to get a little more
No audio it's a silent film it's an off-brand production
So many people it's okay because we all are in this together oh oh i'm
gonna piss off some people i gotta say it though hey i'm gonna get a little controversial
i had this idea the other day when i was in someone in chat was like nothing good has ever
come after i just think it's funny that or i just think that every
time that statement is before something else it's like a pissy thing to say i just think it's funny
that we push for income equality equality fuck i was gonna say inequality i couldn't even do it i
couldn't even get it take jake i'm gonna kill myself dude You know fucking annoying. Oh man my editors grinds your day
Deserve the death penalty. I just think it's funny that they're not dead yet. Yeah
Editors deserve the panopticon, but the Aiden version I send them footy of
raw footy
For them to work on to pay bills and then they start they've started taking my footy and just using it for pop.
Red.
Yes.
I was staddler yesterday,
but I'm sending a short and then he's just posting me in the short recording,
but clipping it up.
So I just,
I just say in dumb shit.
Yeah.
Clip anything up.
That was a take.
Yeah.
But he's like,
it's not,
it's five seconds of like a minute 30.
It wasn't five seconds. like a minute 30 in five seconds
It was ten seconds, and you just keep saying I fucked up
Multiple takes I like to multiple takes oh, so those were the takes of you saying I fucked up
It's a minute 30 of a short and then I give multiple takes throughout it because they splice through it
I thought that was what you intended to be uploaded is that run
of 10 seconds. No.
That's so fucking funny.
Then I say what I fucked up. Oh my god.
And they just took the I fucked up where I gave multiple takes.
When Zipper comes back he's AFK right now.
You saw it right? No I haven't seen it.
Dude it's so funny.
It's not fucking funny bro.
It's not fucking funny bro.
Sadler at the same fucking lunch
he was like randomly bringing up, he's like,
Yeah, I used to go to the beach and, uh, trap pigeons.
Seagulls.
Seagulls, sorry.
What the fuck?
And everyone's like, dude, what?
And he's like, yeah, I'd lay down under a blanket, I'd put like crumbs of food on my face on the blanket,
and then pigeon, or seagulls would come, and I'd grab one.
Wait, oh, I thought he would bite their feet with his teeth.
Why would that be what he does?
Why would that be what he does?
Through the blanket.
Do you understand the visual?
I'm not trying to be real.
Like you said, he puts a blanket on his face.
He puts food in his mouth.
That makes no fucking sense.
On his head.
Well, there's a hole.
It's like a Vietnam trap.
So you think...
It's not a Vietnam trap.
It's a Viet Cong trap.
Let me...
Hold on.
I can speak his language.
So you're imagining
The bird, it lands
And then it steps across the blanket
Oops, I've fallen in a hole
And the hole is his mouth
Thank you
That makes a lot of sense
That's not what I meant or happened
There's one fucking person here that understands me
And I wish you guys would like him
And it's the guy you put in the fucking pentopticon
I would put you in there immediately
Penopticon and you're smoking weed in a fight
In like a UFC
Alright thank you
So he's like
He's like
Everyone's just like dude what
And he's like yeah hold on let me find you a picture
He brings up a picture from Facebook and it's him just holding a pigeon
Like how a kid
Holds like a ball But there kid holds like a like a ball
Yeah, there's like splayed on his body
It's like this wings out, and it's just like no it's like how a kid holds a cat like they shouldn't hold it
They're gonna kill it. Yeah, yeah, you're like up at the particular. He's just holding it, and I'm like dude
What the fuck he's like yeah?
I would just like chill with it for a while, and then I'd let it go and we're like cool
He's like you want to see other birds. I've caught and he has an album of
So many birds that he's captured
He's like into it dude. That's really this one. They look at this one. They're all different like breeds
Editors are like this. That's why they're editors look at Prezzo. You think president normal person?
Oh, you're polite a little sweet. He, no editors are fucking funny or something like that.
Wow. And I was like, damn.
I have so many on staff that you're friends
with. Shake's funny.
That's crazy to single one out
because we have three others.
That's one worse than saying nothing.
You should have just said nothing. Shake's funny.
I get what you said
the first time. I don't know.
I just said to tell the truth
We need to apologize to Shake
No
We?
I need to apologize to Shake
We?
I need to apologize to Shake
What happened this time?
Because the burger was good
We go back to the burger place
The Mexican place
The Mexican place
The burger place
It was a Mexican place
So I tried the burger
And now I'm thinking
This is a burger place
That has Mexican food He tried to get you back so bad But you just looked so good You know what I'm thinking though? a burger place that has Mexican food.
He tried to get you back so bad, but you just looked so good.
You know what I'm thinking though? I feel like it wasn't a good, like that good of a burger spot until you ate there.
Like before it was kind of weird.
They leveled up a bit.
Yeah, it felt kind of mid. Like I wouldn't order the burger before then, but after you got it, it kind of started to look pretty good.
I posted an Insta story of me with a burger trying to look cute, and a bunch of people replied being like, damn, nice burger.
Where's it from from I posted good burgers
good vibes
why did you do that
just to be like
the polar opposite
of shakes
this guy ordered a burger
at a Mexican star
point five
yeah but it can't be
yourself
shake was just
dude he was like
he was just puking
all over himself
he was like trying to
get a bad picture
of Ludwig
and he's taking
point fives
across the table
and we're like that's not how it works shake he's like dude what do I getwig and he's taking 0.5s across the table and we're like
that's not how it works shake he's like dude what like I get up and it's like yeah you gotta get up
you're far away he's like trying to get a bad picture of Ludwig he can't do it let's just like
no joke the one he took and Ludwig's out of focus I'm like I looked at him like I heard kiss me
and look at my phone.
I posted it.
I had several people be like, damn, that burger looks great.
And then even one calls to me or like they knew the spot.
They knew the spot from the burger alone, but they didn't know it from shakes.
Really good picture.
No.
And then Tina's like, damn, that burger looks great.
Where's it from?
And I'm like, remember the guy I showed you at the Superbowl party?
And she goes, how could I forget?
I can't forget.
He's in my nightmares every night. She goes, how could I forget? I can't forget. He's in my nightmares every night.
She goes, how could I forget? I see him when I fall asleep, but my body can't wake up.
So anyway, the burger's good.
All right.
Real shit.
Should we send him like a basket?
He gets paid money.
That's what I keep saying.
He gets paid good money.
At Mogul, we pay you so we can riddle you.
You don't pay him when you're i used to
there's no transaction i used to legitimately pay him oh i know that but i got high once you
told me about it yeah dude what do i show it you're sitting down all high off a gummy and
i'm showing him how quickbooks works that's a core memory that was great for me we should go
back to that to you doing quickbooks and me being high? Yeah. Sure.
What do you mean no?
Huh?
I'm down.
I do my part.
Yeah.
You're just missing your part.
You know what I've been thinking about nonstop since it happened?
We went to dinner after Unpaid Intern.
Great dinner.
Schlatt ordered for the table.
He was dad for the night.
We should clarify that we went to the same spot Schlatt always goes to every time he goes in L.A. without missing it.
Which is Boa Steakhouse.
Is this the place that he like showed up in with shitty stained underwear or whatever?
Yes.
Exactly the one.
You both shared.
It's just a nice steakhouse that they didn't want to let me in because of what I was wearing.
You can't go in with Crocs.
You can't go in with shorts.
You can't poop all over.
Lovely shut it down, though.
It was gray sweats, and you could still see it.
I didn't sneak in Lily this time because she was wearing open-toed shoes.
I snuck her in.
I said, this is my small daughter.
I love her very much.
She's not fine.
But anyway, he's already been.
She pulled a sword out today at Disney.
She's having a great day.
She's wearing a shirt that says, I'm with stupid, but it's Spongebob's hand.
Yeah.
This is my second time going, by the way.
This trip.
So we have a nice dinner,
you know, and then
dessert comes out and they bring
a platter of desserts. There's like all different
kinds. There's like cookies and brownies
and then there's a cheesecake on it and it looks really good.
And the waiter walks over
and puts it down
and Jerma goes,
he goes,
oh, it's a bad day
to be a cheesecake.
I can't stop thinking about it.
That was funny
because out of most humans' mouth
it doesn't fly.
Dude.
It was perfect on every level. I know no one else could have said at the table and had a beef
I literally said right after if I said that it wouldn't have been funny
Hmm, but what he said it was like it dad said it yeah, it was so good. He's Eldon Lord in a lot of ways
He's dead. Do you know who else's dad is fucking Jay Shlatt the entire dinner?
Was it do it like order? to order and he's like,
He's like,
I would let me do the ordering. German opens the menu and he goes,
Put it away.
Oh my God.
Put it away.
And he's like the youngest one there,
bar none.
And then the waiter comes over and he's like,
and he just goes through like he's a fucking veteran.
That's weird.
We're going to get two of the baklava.
I think that's weird.
Let me get the snow beef.
And then they come with the beef and he's like,
and she's like,
do you know what this is?
And he's like, yeah, Hokkaido, Kagoshima, Fukuoka.
And then she's like, okay.
You used to do this at Carl's Jr.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the cookie.
That's the all-star meal.
Listen up.
Listen up.
Five stars.
I want five stars.
I want barbecue sauce.
Don't skim me on the barbecue sauce.
I want five stars
Junior Western
Why does he go is this this is just is he like you where he just picks a spot and he's like this is my spot
Now and I know the people and I will go back. It's not like that. Okay like that so
He loves steak houses. Okay, and he believes Boa to be the best
But he doesn't get the best days and know that but he believes hea to be the best. He doesn't know that.
But he believes it. He's just been to Boa and
basically only Boa. No, that's not true.
He has to have traveled the world.
When we met him, he took us to a steakhouse
in Texas. He took us to a spot I like.
I've taken him to a different one.
I know he's been to quite a few. Sure. You guys have gone to
a steakhouse? What the fuck is this shit?
We invited him, right?
It was like...
Kind of a...
You're supposed to pretend
that you're trying to save my feelings.
You want to have your feelings really hurt
and then have it all be better.
So I...
I hung out with Ludwig.
Went to his house and hung out.
What?
Doesn't that hurt your feelings?
Isn't that shitty?
You want to know how I hung out with Ludwig?
Did he need you to do something? After dinner, i go up to ludwig and cutie we're waiting
for i'm waiting for like the car because uh the car's parked in valet and uh he goes hey to jerry
he goes to cutie he's like hey jeremy's coming over he's gonna he's gonna hang out with us and
cutie goes what you're not inviting nick oh my god and then he kind of looks at me and he goes
do you want to come dude i didn't do it like that. And I say, I literally, I go,
I hear the fax machine noise in my brain.
I'm processing all this at once.
And I'm like,
I think I'm just gracious for the invite.
And I go, yeah.
Okay, here's the thing.
Nick has a, Nick has a, Nick has a,
he has a superpower.
He has a superpower.
And he uses it to be a supervillain.
Do you think he has love in his heart?
You guys will know this.
Yeah.
Nick's superpower is that
Don't resist. Subscribe, he remembers everything. He heart? You guys will know this. Yeah, Nick superpower He's gonna turn you guys against me. Don't resist!
Subscribe, he remembers everything. He remembers everything.
Turn me against him.
And when he tells you a story of something or when something happened, he'll be like, no I remember.
Yeah.
It'll go through it detail by detail and a lot of the details will be right.
And be like, yeah, actually you know what that is actually what happened to the fucking tea.
But because of this, because of this, he's occasionally able to embellish stories.
Oh my god.
In ways, where it's not what actually happened.
What happened?
He gets 90% of the details to the point and then a few of the details he's like, and I'll get a little crazy here.
But he's led you along for so long that you're like, I'll trust him.
You're saying he keeps it 99.
He keeps it 99 and you don't know where 100 starts or ends.
Wow.
And so you can't help but trust him.
What happened then?
I'm listening. I'm listening to you.
I'm being convinced.
And so here's the thing.
Can I tell you exactly what happened?
No, I had three smoke shows.
Okay?
Which is their version of an old-fashioned.
Dude, they kept drinking smoke shows,
and they'd come out in a bottle with smoke inside of it.
It looked like a courtate bottle with smoke in it
Tastes better if you drink it out of the bottle with the smoke
Yeah, you just go the smoke makes it good slaps let a city goes. That's crazy
So I can't tell you what happened
What the hell?
But I know that's wrong.
That's the point. Oh my god.
I can't tell you what happened, but I know it's wrong.
If you were me and you just heard that, would you be convinced or care?
If I'm telling you it's wrong, would you not even give me a chance?
You just said I drank three smoke shows and then I don't really know.
I don't know what you wanted out of me.
You had me?
You had me?
You could have told me anything there and I would have believed you.
But I don't want to tell you because I don't want to hurt you.
But instead of telling me something, you said, I actually don't remember anything.
I'm basically saying I didn't murder the man, but I don't know who did.
He drank three smoke shows, then he had some alcohol after.
You know what I'm saying?
Yo!
Suck him down, brother.
As soon as I heard smoke show, I was like, how do I get there?
Okay, listen.
That was, you're, I just believe him.
You're an idiot. I love you, though. No. Wait, really? I love you. Is do I get there? Okay, listen. That was... You're... I just believe him. You're an idiot.
I love you, though.
No, I...
Wait, really?
I love you.
Is that on the table?
I'll forfeit.
I love you.
If you mean it.
If you say it to me, you mean it.
No, I was saying it to him.
I love you, too.
No, not to.
Like, you love me.
I...
Watashiwa Mo love you.
That's also in Japanese.
Mo Bamba loves you.
That's...
I accept that.
Hey!
I lose. Dude, my Japanese teacher found me. No, no, no loves you. I accept that. I lose.
Dude, my Japanese teacher found me.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold on.
We're still on this.
Okay.
You are a piece of shit.
And you've got to.
Oh my God.
You want to have your heart breaking even more?
We hung out and we watched like fun sketch comedy.
Really?
And we were talking about how funny it all is.
We watched I Think You Should Leave.
And then we watched this sketch that Kelby said we should watch, which he sent to me again today,
and he said rate it out of 10,
and I didn't want to answer.
He sent it to me this morning.
Was it unfunny because he's 39 years old?
I rate it out of 10.
It wasn't...
I think the people in it are funny.
I don't think the sketch was insanely funny.
I think it was meant to be funny in a long-con way
where the sketch group has highly produced something.
It's almost Friday TV, if you know.
I think they're very funny.
I think they're great.
But this sketch wasn't like...
Kelby's like begging us to put them on Unpaid Intern.
Begging us.
I think they'd be great.
Why don't you like inviting
your friends out?
I invited him out.
I was just in the AOE.
I was just in the AOE.
Here's the thing. What I'm realizing is there's a fucking target on my back.
Okay?
Because I was inviting people to dinner.
And Stan was like, you invited me last.
And I was like, no, I didn't.
It was pathetic.
Okay.
It was pathetic.
I was like, I invited you third.
Oh, my God.
What are we talking about here?
It's like Christmas again for me.
Everyone's on my fucking ass.
And literally the way I invited him was he was in a room with Jerma and I said,
Do you guys want to go to dinner?
And then I told him this and he was like,
Yeah, but you looked at Jerma first.
Oh my God.
What is this? The jealousy.
I'm gonna fuck all of you, make you finish, and then invite you.
It's funny when I do it, but when Stans does it, it's just so much funnier.
I don't know how to fucking win.
Daddy's only got so much spunk.
I'm not even gonna win with y'all. Daddy's only got so much spunk, Aiden. I don't need any to fucking win. Daddy's only got so much spunk. I'm not even going to win with y'all.
Daddy's only got so much spunk, Aiden.
I don't need any of your spunk.
I know, because I've already done my large group hangouts of basketball, and Aiden loves those.
Dude, I said at dinner, I looked over at Jay Shalit, and I ordered a tuna tartare appetizer, but it was on the other side of the table.
And it's a really long table.
There's a bunch of people here.
I looked over at Jay Shalit, I said, can you pass daddy his fish?
And then he looks over confused.
He goes, who's daddy?
And I'm like, it's me.
And he's like, he's just laughing.
He's laughing at me.
He's like, you're daddy?
And I'm like, come on, man.
Let me be it for a little bit, please.
I mean, when the guy puts the menus away for other people,
Schleit was daddy at the table.
He was papa.
There's this-
I did the virgin.
I think I'll keep one.
There's this like unspoken power struggle, power vacuum
whenever all these people hang out.
And it's like, who's daddy?
Who's mother?
Who's baby?
It stands, right? He's baby. And it's like, who's daddy? Who's mother? Who's baby? It stands, right?
And it's kind of funny.
I have surrendered this idea that I need Ludwig to give me attention
because I know push comes to shove, end of the day,
we could not see each other for years,
and then I'd show up at his house with a fucked up beard
and shit on my underwear
and I'd go, what's good, slat?
And he'd be like, come on in, bud.
What's good?
And then we'd hug and it'd be all the same.
And this has
gotten me to sleep
many nights.
I see.
I don't need you.
You do this a lot for bed?
You think about this a lot?
Every single night.
He's just, what's good is that?
Every single night I show up and I'm wearing a different, like, sometimes I have a stick
and a bindle.
Sometimes I have a clown nose.
Many different hitman disguises.
Yeah.
And I love you in all of them.
Every time you see me and you say, come on inside.
Come on in.
No matter what you're wearing.
No matter what I'm wearing or not wearing.
Wait, but you're a baby?
I'm not a baby.
You said the whole.
What?
He can be baby.
No, no, Stan's a baby.
Stan's a baby.
Well, you said you were wearing.
Sometimes you're wearing it.
Sometimes wearing a diaper with a big clothespin.
Oh, you're an adult.
Yeah, yeah, he's an adult.
You couldn't purchase how big the clothespin is.
It's like a novelty size.
It's very insane. I think if you wear a diaper, it should still be illegal to be naked, even if he's an adult. You couldn't purchase how big the clothespin is. It's like a novelty size. It's very insane.
I think if you wear a diaper,
it should still be illegal to be naked,
even if you're an adult.
Wait, wait, wait.
Is the diaper considered naked if you just wear a diaper?
No.
That's your clothes.
I think you need a shirt, too.
No.
I think diaper and shirt's fine.
Oh, yeah, diaper and shirt's fine.
But I'm saying if you wear a diaper as an adult
without a medical condition...
I think you can be in a target.
What if my medical condition is like depression?
My medical condition is loving being that baby shit.
Like, let's say.
Having that baby shit on.
You know if you have like fill shit out sometimes, like forms.
It's like, have you ever had these conditions?
And sometimes it's like depression and you're like, I mean, I guess.
Yeah, they have the dentist.
I went to the dentist.
Yeah, and you're like, what the fuck does this got to do with my teeth?
This ain't applicable for you.
I just need a filly.
Dude, I want a picture of Aiden on Instagram and it's him and he's wearing a diaper and
he's got a baby bottle full of that fucking muddy ass lean.
And the caption says like, I'm a baby because I be throwing fits.
Yeah.
Yo.
That's he.
And you got the cum gutters.
No, dude.
No.
You can't. Stop mixing the baby stuff with the food. That's bad. That's bad. Why you got the cum gutters. No, dude. No. You can't stop mixing the baby stuff. Yeah, that's bad.
Why? Because the baby.
Melanie Martinez did
this shit and everyone thought it was fine.
I don't know who that is and I think it was bad.
And that's a good
take. That's Eminem's real name.
Okay, what happened with your
fucking Japanese teacher man
Well I got two things
First off
Wait can you talk
About the thing
What thing
With your Japanese teacher
You told us at the shoot
At the warship shoot
About him having sex
Yeah
No I made a
So I made a YouTube
Short about this
Oh my god
I made a YouTube
Short about
My Japanese teacher
Cause I walked in
On him fucking
On video
On Zoom
I walked Well I entered The Zoom call In on him fucking on video. I walked in.
Well, I entered the Zoom call in on him
fucking popped his head in with his shirt off.
Oh, shit. Oh, what's up, bud?
I tell you about this. No, long story short. Basically,
I'm 20 minutes late to my Japanese lesson
and then I'd already missed a Japanese
lesson the time before. So I think he was just fucking
collecting checks and then I show up 20
minutes late. He's already in the Zoom call
at all times when my lessons going and I just hop in and I see nothing and then i show up 20 minutes late he's already in the zoom call at all times when my lesson's going and i just hop in and i hear i see nothing and then i hear like muffled
voices after i go yo and then you know i hear and then he just leans over and he's shirtless
yeah and then he's like oh uh which means one second and then he pops back out and then he
comes in shirtless, just real fucking.
And he's like,
how are you doing?
I'm like,
doing good.
How are you doing?
He's like doing pretty good now,
as you can probably guess,
but I won't get into it.
Oh my God.
And then that is like,
and then I hear someone in the background.
So he's definitely smashing.
So anyway,
make a YouTube short about this.
I go for my next lesson.
And then he's like,
he's like,
Oh,
how are you doing?
I'm like,
good.
I can send something that's off.
And he's like, I think I found your YouTube channel. Oh, and I'm like good i can send something's off and he's like i i think i found
your youtube channel and i'm like what wait what and he's like a couple of my students sent me the
clip because apparently some people who watch me also use him as a teacher okay because i guess
there's not that many people all things considered who moved from japan to war-torn ukraine to teach
japanese and also are sex tourists.
Yeah.
And so anyway, he watched it and I was a little nervous.
I was like, does he love it?
Does he hate it?
He's like, very good.
So he's about it.
Do you think he's a good person?
Hey, Stellar, stand up.
Stand up?
You know what he is?
He has something that I value a lot he's a very honest person yeah so like
fuck it is it better to be yeah a great person as a facade and then behind closed doors do
fucked up shit or be openly honestly fucked up but at least you're open i reject i reject the
binary it's a it's a true dichotomy.
A true, is it?
I reject the premise.
Because everyone's fucked up.
I don't, I reject the premise.
Okay.
We brought up an interesting hypothetical the other day.
Who would you root for in a game of Melee?
Hitler, but he's playing a really sick Falco.
I'm saying like unbelievably sick.
Or Hbox when he was winning all the time.
I want to pause. I did not say Hbox
because I didn't like this.
I said Stalin. Falco is
incredibly cool.
It's doing like edge cancel everything.
It's like, dude, is he fair there?
Why would you think about that? This conversation started because Nick said I will root for any Falco. I just cancel everything. It's like
I would root for any Falco and then I immediately go what about Hitler? Yeah
And then it goes who's he playing and I go
Who's playing and I go and I go Stalin cuz I'm like, you know Then there's a universe where it's closer and then shakes like hungry box and I'm like, come on
It's like yeah, it's whatever but then hungry box is like, oh god, no don't go there
I root for one. I'm sorry. You're in for one
I think it's the same as like first aliens like I don't root for the aliens if they play a sick Falco
I'm like, let's go Falco.
Take us over, aliens.
Destroy Earth.
I think that...
What do you think?
How do you have a nuanced take here?
Because life is complicated.
When the bird moves like that, man,
it's magic.
I'm entranced.
I'm not choosing what to feel.
How old is Hitler when he's playing?
Well, he's probably still an artist.
Is he still painting?
I think he just became chancellor.
Chancellor?
Yeah.
He just became chancellor?
He just became chancellor.
It's all bad.
So they haven't invaded Poland yet.
No, he has not yet consolidated power.
He's not yet consolidated power.
Okay.
And the rhetoric is bad.
It's really bad.
But it's really bad.
You know what?
Here's what really.
I root for Juan.
Because fuck Hitler.
Because fuck Hitler.
What a hard line to take.
So brave of you.
Wow.
I'm guessing you also are a gentleman and she comes first every time.
Yeah, say what you will about hunger box.
Hitler's bad.
She does.
And I will also say, and if Hitler's got a really nice Falco, we'll just study the VODs.
Hitler would never use the Nazi gold to run a coin box.
He would never support the scene like that.
The Swiss coin box?
Yeah.
He would never do that.
Yeah, I would say, you know what, Juan?
You need to step up for righteousness here,
but let me get that USB jack.
But, like, damn, let's keep the slippy files.
Like, I want to make sure we can, because, like, how did, does Hitler have wave dash notches?
Like, how did he get so far off one out of shield?
He's Natty, that's the crazy part.
That's crazy.
That's the crazy part.
No, he's not.
He's hopped up on meth, that's how.
Yeah, sure.
But who is it in melee not one
It was shake was linking battle rap clips from Twitter and our discord
Just like they were like there's a lot of battle rap clips just popping off
It's like nickname the worst bar ever and now I clicked on one and my entire Twitter is just battle rap.
This is what you've always wanted.
It's amazing.
And I've seen most of them already.
Yeah.
So it's fun that everyone
is seeing all these videos.
But there's one where this guy's like,
I wish I had it.
This guy's like,
he's like,
oh, I drank too much water.
And everyone's kind of just like
not paying attention.
And then he pukes everywhere.
But he points his head up
and he projectile vomits
so it just goes
straight up and out
and it's all water
because he must have
had too much water
yeah
it just goes on everyone
this is exactly
what happens in Kirby
for the NES
when he is underwater
and he blows
in a direction
this is literally
I can see it in my mind
it's exact it's the exact same thing does he travel in the opposite direction he blows no oh direction. This is literally, I can see it in my mind. It's the exact same thing.
Does he travel in the opposite direction he blows? No.
Yeah, you would imagine though. I would.
Zipper, can you go to Radstad's
Twitter? Oh man. Zipper's back.
I wanted to see this. While we wait for this
I... And it's the video of Ludwig.
We were having a conversation about who controls
the power and it was Schlatt at the dinner.
Which made me think, ultimately who controls the power
are women. Right.
All the time.
From a righteous standpoint,
but because we were doing the unpaid intern shoot with Lily and Kaide.
And at one point I made an offhand comment about playing basketball.
About how they're dressed.
Yeah.
I was going to say like,
what?
About how I play basketball.
And they're like,
you play basketball.
And then I followed up with,
yeah,
I'm an athlete.
And they both just laughed really loud.
And I didn't say a word for like five minutes after that.
Dude, that's so funny.
It was crazy.
They hurt you?
They just laughed.
It hurts more when a girl says it.
And they talk.
Because, I don't know, they synced up, like period.
They just laughed together.
Same start, same end.
Okay, you can't say they synced up.
Like period.
Because when a guy says it, it's just like, you're a dick.
When a girl says it, you have to think that all girls think that about you now.
Yes.
That's cool. I'm an athlete though tell tell the women i'll i'll fight for you so like it looks like you're wearing a backpack but you're not it's weird because like
why are you swinging your body like that uh the the way to hurt ludwig then is to is to sick women
on him to insult him with the things we would normally say. Wow.
And this is good.
It's like it'll be like an insult proxy war.
Rad's Dad's. Oh he doesn't know what video you want.
It's the video of Ludwig.
Scroll down.
That one.
Stupid fucking Twitter x.com player piece of shit fucking Elon Musk.
It's so bad. You can't rewind to the beginning of a video and have it paused.
I fucked up.
I hate this. I hate this.
I hate this so much.
My private.
I fucked up.
Yes.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
It's so fucking funny.
I fucked up.
You did.
Fucked up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
Oh, man.
Oh, God. You've been getting embarrassed lately.
To pay the bills, man.
You get embarrassed, Devin.
It's okay.
I like when you pay the bills.
Devin, do you love anything?
I do, man.
What do you love, man?
I love fucking money.
All right.
Sweet baby raise.
I love my girlfriend.
I love balling, hooping.
Did you love Unpaid Intern?
How do you guys feel about the premiere?
It was good.
I know it's good because if you go to my subreddit,
there's five different threads that are varying appreciation threads
and feedback for Unpaid Intern threads, which is really good
because if people like watching something and then being like,
I would fix that.
Which like, you know, obviously they just kind of wave a magic wand in their head.
It's a good product because they just want the thing to be better.
You think so?
Uh-huh.
Because I've had this with a few shows. Like Mogul Money's first episode was pretty rough around the edges.
More so than Unpaid Intern.
Because I think Unpaid Intern was pretty polished comparatively.
And there was a bunch of threads similarly.
And it's just because they like they like the thing and like that thing and like even people were complaining like not enough views and i looked at it i was like it
had as many as mogul money's first episode i had 50k live i'm like that's good no i'm happy
it's good it scratches the surface of a prime xq stream. I can tell you that's not true anymore.
A prime one, that's what I meant.
Sure, okay.
But it is good.
Okay.
And the first episode of Mogul Money also got 50k, but the VOD is 7 mil.
Also, shout out to production.
Because there was rough patches in the broadcast, which was upsetting. But they did streamer awards a week before that.
Oh, shit.
On short notice.
It was a hell week.
Oh, that's crazy. And then immediately did this right after. Oh, fuck. On short notice. It was a hell week. Oh, that's crazy.
And then I immediately did this right after.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
And they made it happen.
And no one has that context watching.
And James still does MMA.
They're just like, Audion.
What's going on with the Audion?
Audion.
But, you know.
So, all in all, it was good.
Well, all of Unpaid Intern was happening.
I didn't watch it.
I hope it was great.
What the fuck are you looking at me, the candy boy?
Why you got so many
necklaces? Because I watched
Unpaid Intern. Put that fucking phone away.
What are you doing? I want to shout
out a few of my real friends. Brodin,
who said great show.
Zach from the Try Guys.
That's a real one. So far
both have messaged me too. Is he the bad one?
Is bad like the one that cheated on his wife or bad like hot like Keith Hapsburger?
No, no, no, he cheated on his wife. Neither. Okay.
Although he's a handsome man. Does he fuck the baddest?
He...
Is he fucking with gang and them?
I think he smokes the most blunts. Okay. Okay. Wow. And then Jake.
Jake from Safe Farm?
My friend from high school.
Oh.
Three real ones who watched it and all messaged me nice things.
How many fucking tours in Vietnam have we done, bro?
Dude, you know what I was thinking about?
Because nobody has watched more of my content than Jake Drizzle.
Yeah.
And Jake at the lunch after basketball, I said something and he's like yeah i saw that i'm
still in there man i watch his streams i'm like it is crazy you still watch him oh because he'll
watch even like member only streams and i'm like it's been you have to though bro works at
chuck e cheese and then after work just plays the game yeah that's crazy. He plays the bus. He plays the bus and has guitar here with the no orange.
I don't think this is good.
I think he needs
a little space.
I think it's good.
Has he been dating lately?
He, dude.
Shake gets around.
Shake gets around.
He's hound.
Shake's got a date
every week.
Sometimes he's got three.
Really?
Different people.
No way.
He's a hound.
He's got shorties.
For that, For that goddamn...
I've, I've, I've...
There was a buff stopper.
There was a dam in my mind.
It's like, we've been too crass.
You can't do it again.
And it stopped me.
That's so nice.
That's good.
But my, what I was doing instead...
For that rose.
Was playing Tekken 8.
No, I wasn't playing Tekken.
I got 1k in chests.
And you lost 5 sets in a row.
I got 1k in chests. You did get sets in a row I got 1k in chess
You did get 1k in chess
Yeah actually this is what happened
As we finished the show
And then I got a message from you
That goes
Kill yourself for real
And it's you getting 1k in chess
And I'm like sick
Thanks for the congrats on the show
I don't need to fucking be your father bro
You also don't have to say
Kill yourself in real life for real
You were so mean
You were so mean
When?
When I said I hit 700, you laughed at me.
You fucking laughed at me, dude. No!
Yes, you did. I laughed with you.
No!
And I never- I held onto it so hard.
Oh, dude, he has good spite for getting Elo.
Give me your rating, give me your rating.
Uh, 10, 30 rating.
And now you get 11.
I'm gonna- I will. God, fuck you.
Because you don't even remember.
It's just like the Panda Express thing.
Dude, here's the thing.
You like chips on your shoulder,
and so I'm happy for you to find them in me,
but I just want you to know
I always want you to thrive.
Well, then why did you fucking laugh at me?
At 700.
Why did you laugh?
Probably because the way you said it was boyish,
and that made me chuckle.
I was proud.
I know, but sometimes you have an innocence
that you don't normally have.
You're a childlike wonder to me. And it throws me off. Yeah, you're literally a childlike wonder. I got love in my heart. I know but sometimes you have an innocence that you don't normally have you're a childlike wonder
and it throws me off
you're literally
a childlike wonder
I got love in my heart
I know but that's
what I laugh at
it's not because
I'm like 700
what a fucking idiot
that's not what I thought
I had a realization
that when you were
describing the way
that Nick will
recount and tell stories
that Anthony
is the exact opposite
yes
what?
if you're keeping it 99
Anthony is always keeping it like 19
Doesn't know it that's so
I have the 100 but I'm giving 99
Thinks he has 100
You recount stories based off how you feel about them, not what happened.
Are we not feeling beasts?
We are, but that's not what happened.
We're feeling beasts, Ludwig.
What happened in your mind?
I have recounted the Panda Express story perfectly.
No.
100 times.
Yeah, yeah, bitch.
Every other party.
You think you remember?
Every other party disagrees with the way you've told it.
No, that's fucking crazy then.
Because they're the ones.
Oh my God. The thing is, if you get heated, and by the way,'ve told it. No, that's fucking crazy then. Because they're the ones- Oh my god.
The thing is, if you get heated,
and by the way, I think we were wrong on the panda one.
Full stop.
Good.
But I think when you recount stories,
Good.
If you're really mad,
or it made you feel some type of emotion,
you will exaggerate it to match that emotion.
But I'm just saying what you did.
You laughed at me in the chat as
If it wasn't fucking important to me did I follow up no, I just said lol all caps yes
I'll pull it up. This is I want to see I want to see because this is big for him for his percentage
This could be bad for me. It could be bad for you bad for me. I have a feeling there's nuance
There's probably nuance my lols all caps that I do even though I'm 28 man you gotta face that that's the slender i'm searching uh okay searching lol i found it
wait discord's so shit what's the new lol they've been doing they have a new lol yeah
the folk yeah the folk the folk the young kids it's not LOL. Is it MDR? What's that? No, that's the French one.
Dying from laughing.
Yeah, there's like a new abbreviation that people are doing.
It's like LIML.
What is it?
Dying from laughing, you just said?
No, I don't know.
That's what the French one is.
You just said MDR.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what that means.
Oh, that's what it literally means?
I don't know what it is.
How new is it?
Fuck if I know.
I'm 30 almost.
It's like six months. You are almost 30. I found out about it like a couple months ago. I'm not 30. it is. How new is it? Fuck if I know. I'm 30 almost. It's like six months.
You are almost 30.
I found out about it a couple months ago.
I'm not 30.
This is aging us.
Almost.
Rapidly.
Fuck.
LMAO.
True.
Yesterday, this is a real story.
I'm not doing this for the fuck.
We're in a sponsor right now.
Hashtag ad.
But yesterday, I made the factor turkey chili, and my girlfriend from the other room says, I don't know what you're eating, but it smells so good.
Wow.
And I said, it is good.
And it's the turkey chili from factor.
And she and she who has traditionally been mad at me for having factor because she's like, I want you to I want you to cook for me.
And you're making factor for yourself.
So she was like, I was like, you like factor, don't you?
Squidward.
Yeah.
You like that.
And then,
and then you,
you finally unlocked the big chain on her door.
Yeah.
I went in and I said,
I slid one under her door,
a factor meal.
You squished it under.
I banged a fork on the door and I said,
it's time.
Come out.
And now her thighs look crazy.
And now she has Squidward thighs because it,
she just needed calories really bad.
I just wanted to tell you that Nick Yingling still makes his daily commute to this office
to solely eat his factor meal.
That doesn't really have to do with the food itself.
He brings his factor meal from home, drives to the office, eats it here, and then leaves.
Wait, this is true?
Is that why I keep seeing him this is around i want to
clarify he does it because he likes hanging out with you and i feel like you should know that by
now anyway if you guys want to be like one of those three people pick yours vote in chat do
you want to be nick yingling slime or nick and then go to factor meals.com slash yard 50 and
use code the yard 50 to get 50 off let's code the yard 50 for 50 off a factor meal yeah thanks
factor for sponsoring the podcast we eat the food that comes in the little tray there's no
no jokes about animals being in the food this is some of the food is animals actually the food
actually a lot of the food is animals just not they are coming out with it with an all gator
well you know how it works the green the the green levels vegetarian the blue label is so close we were gonna get it was gonna be gator free and it's an all gator smoothies
thank you so much for sponsoring this
there's the number one original gator smoothie
calorie smart that's their tongue
Archie please get us out
you're taking too long shut up okay he's hurt you can feel it. I think you guys can feel it.
That's it.
Ijbol.
Ijbol?
Yeah.
Ijbol.
I just burst out laughing.
You didn't know about Ijbol?
They added more letters?
Yeah, we're Ijbol-ing now.
Dude, now it's just too many letters.
Oh, it wasn't in the chat.
It was on the podcast, which is easier actually to find.
So our super fans can find it.
It was, I did this on Christmas Eve at 12 24 at 5 27 a.m all
right podcast fans find the clip and then determine was i uh laughing at slime and
diminishing his impressive performances of getting 700 you're being an asshole
i can't it only took him 32 years. 33.
I wasn't that upset, but I do, I do.
That's why I was being, I was like. That's why you said kill yourself for real.
I said genuinely.
Yeah.
Kill yourself.
That's right.
And sometimes I remember.
So do you think that, do you think that that was a reasonable thing to say to Ludwig?
I thought it was funny.
I thought it was all in the game.
Do you think that he thought it was funny when he left you?
I don't know. Dude, you know, I thought it was funny. I thought it was all in the game. Do you think that he thought it was funny when he laughed at you? I don't know. Dude, you know
I thought it was funny, but you know who had my
back was for
no reason because, you know, you guys hurt me.
All three of you. What the fuck did I
ever do? Well, you all take shots too,
right? Because I'm like your guy.
You all hurt me. How does Aiden hurt you?
Describe it. That's a great question. Fuck.
No, no, no.
I don't even know this is a setup.
No, no, no.
I feel, I feel played.
It's a great question
because we've talked ad nauseum about it.
I felt like I was getting lectured by my parent.
It's fine.
What happened?
We talked ad nauseum about basketball
and we played a little more basketball yesterday,
which Aiden, Aiden loves basketball.
He put a message to the group chat,
very sweet.
He goes,
guys, this is my favorite part of the week.
And I was like,
you know what, Aiden?
That's one of my favorite parts too. It is. Very sweet. But Aiden loves basketball. He put a message to the group chat, very sweet. He goes, guys, this is my favorite part of the week. And I was like, you know what, Aiden? That's one of my favorite parts too.
It is.
Very sweet.
But Aiden also historically has bad vibes of basketball.
Oh, 100%.
Because he'll find a new person who's never played the game before and put them in a corner
and then be like, let me tell you how to play Fox.
Let me tell you about-
You give unsolicited advice?
Yes.
But-
I give extremely basic feedback.
Sometimes-
Answer my question.
Do you give unsolicited advice?
Yes.
Yes.
Dude.
He gives unsolicited advice.
And you know what?
He's gotten a lot better because it used to be unsolicited advice, which followed after
on the court being like, dude.
Whoa.
After a bad play.
Yes.
But he stopped doing this.
And now he just gives the unsolicited advice, which was appreciated by the unsolicited person,
which was Otto.
And so anyway, after our game,
we were all talking about like,
well, we could have done better because we lost.
And then we get through the discussion
and there's a pause.
Aiden turns to me and he goes,
you shoot weird.
He does.
Uh-oh.
You shoot weird.
Wait, wait, is it ugly?
That's your shot?
First off, I'm the only one who drained threes.
That's a back up three in
tekin with the bear first off i did a logo shot yesterday damn from the fucking goddamn
did that one go in yeah the one where i walked up did yeah that was the end of the game it was good
anyway uh he says this and usually i don't give a shit because you guys hurt me always
and you don't care about me as a human because you see me as strong and rich and powerful
and unshakable.
That's not true.
So you think you can't
take down my walls.
It's different.
It's different reasons.
The walls can be taken down.
Yeah.
And they get taken down
once every day.
The wall of Maria.
Every time a woman
laughs at me.
It's beautiful.
Loses her wings.
I have to cry.
At him.
So anyway,
Aiden says this.
I brush it off,
but Kelby's there.
And Kelby. Kelby comes in like that.
Kelby comes in and he goes, hey, that's not what we say.
No way.
Oh my, that is so fucking funny.
That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life.
And they have like a five minute convo where Kelby basically walks him to the conclusion
that that sentence was not productive.
Oh my.
And so he goes through the whole thing like a child. And he's like yeah it wasn't productive that's not what we say is
to be clear i'm not telling the other people that they're like that they're playing weird
i said this to ludwig after an entire game of me encouraging ludwig to continue shooting
the whole time you say it like a dick no i said you shoot weird
look here's the thing again you guys always hurt me so it's in one ear out the other ear And you shoot it the whole time. Did you say it like a dick? No, I said you shoot weird.
Look, here's the thing.
Again, you guys always hurt me.
So it's in one ear, out the other ear.
Because you're used to it.
You don't care what I say.
Because I've learned to block it out.
This is real, by the way.
You know this.
Because there was a point where I did care.
Remember when you called me?
We talked about this.
We talked about this.
We talked about this. You guys don't follow me.
We didn't talk about this yet
So I was wondering what the other but Kelby's there cuz Kelby's when he plays basketball. He doesn't really play
We got all dude. He's he's on some he's on some look you don't run. I don't run and we guard each other
This is every fucking game every fucking I don't even know what he's there cuz he'll just pull a truce
Okay, and that's what he calls it. That's the other team. Yes
The person he's guarding will not guard him.
And then in exchange, he doesn't have to run to guard them.
That's, what a deal maker.
But what he does do in his head is he will look at everyone's performance and then create
a tier list of their skill.
He scouts.
He's scouting the entire time.
And then he has like, he has a little, and I know this because last time one of Aiden's
friends, Chris's was playing and he's a fucking big, strong dude who can play basketball pretty
well.
And then he, and he's like, you're not number one anymore.
And I'm like, okay, thank you.
Wow.
That's not what we said.
It was funny.
Cause he said this after, he said this after one game of watching Chris who played really
well that first game.
And then for the rest of the day, Chris wasn't hitting any shots.
And then Shaq goes,
hey, that's because he was guarding him.
Listen.
Did he hit you with the, hey.
I don't, I don't, we don't do this normally.
I have a couple questions.
Do you guys draft, or do you have static teams?
It seems like you're always in the same team.
We usually draft.
We usually play knockout to determine.
Or this is where you just first few to,
like if there's four teams, first four to make it draft.
Okay.
We also almost never play together. Okay, got it. So we were on the same team this time and we crushed right and then number two
is um when he said you shoot weird was he saying it in a way that was like was he was he joking or
was it in the middle of okay it was criticism that's so funny it's not in the middle of the
game you know what's funny is uh my my growing up, who is a teacher now, he plays basketball.
He coaches basketball, too.
And growing up, he had an ugly fucking shot.
Like, everyone made fun of how ugly his shot was.
To this day, Eric, I think your shot is ugly.
But guess what?
Shit went in the hole.
Dude, I think he met Eric.
Yeah, maybe.
A long time ago.
Came to our house.
Mine goes in the hole.
Shit went in the hole.
Mine goes in the fucking hole. Mine goes in the hole. Shit went in the hole. Mine goes in the fucking hole.
Mine goes in the hole.
I'm a hole magnus.
Sometimes.
I weirdly know about this situation with a close personal friend, and if it goes in the
hole, it goes in the hole.
It goes in the hole, it goes in the fucking hole.
Maybe it doesn't look beautiful like mangoes over you or seeps.
It's like the dad hookshot from the three with the fucking two hands, you know?
I just think, I just think, before Kelby cut
me off, you know, instead of it
going in the hole 15%
of the time, it could go in the hole 40%
of the time. You're saying he shoots weird and
therefore it doesn't, it's not a good shot.
My three point percentage? Huh? That's not
what I gotta do. You know what I have to do? I have to get
mean. You have to get mean?
Basketball's becoming a problem. At the three?
No, in the paint. Oh. It's becoming a problem. Oh the paint oh it's becoming a problem it's turning
into hack a shack on ludwig they're hurting me what happened i have to hurt him man there's no
other way to stop him i think i'm one of the bigger people both in weight and every other metric
okay and so big ass big ass big old fucking so when i'm close to the rim and I jump up and I just force my whole will into that jump,
I can usually get it in.
There is a horrific combination of, of, uh, Ludwig.
Everybody just weighs a lot less than Ludwig.
I love the idea of Otto.
Don't say, it's not a lot less.
It is a lot less.
Under the skeleton noise of his legs.
And Ludwig's just...
Everybody's clocking in for featherweight basketball
and then 250 Ludwig.
You think you're a big fucking dude.
You think you're a big guy with a big fucking day game.
He's saying I'm fucking 250.
He's a monster.
You create situations in which you win
instead of seeking situations in which you could lose.
Let me correct you because
that's not true i just play basketball for the fun of it not true it is because what happens
is progressively as the weeks have gone on people have learned how to defend me which is usually by
fouling me but if you call your own foul is kind of kind of lame yeah it's kind of like yeah so i
basically never do unless you literally
hear like and then i'm like okay we heard the audio cue yeah uh so i basically never call it
but now everyone has learned in in kevin kevin toy has been teaching people how to do it he's
teaching the meta he's teaching the meta and he's because i think it was yan he's like i just don't
know how to defend ludwig and then and then k was like, oh, here's what you do.
Elbow right under the rib cage.
Push off.
And then Yan's like, is that allowed? He's like, oh, dude.
So now everybody's fucking doing that.
You're supposed to get under their rib.
And the issue for me,
my girlfriend comes home and she's like,
they got taught how to use their elbows.
I have bruises all over my body.
Rochelle was going in and so anyway my what happens to me is i have like a meter like i'm playing street fighter yeah
and when my meter's full it's just like fucking burst rage and i start you know bumping in and
jumping up and pushing them off which is what you should do to counter but i'm like i don't want to
get to that point because Because then every time I'm
about to do that, it's like Kevin Toy
who's actually 80 pounds lighter than me.
I'm like, I don't want to fucking
and then jump up. Does that mean basketball
is coming to an end finally?
No, I just think I have to change the way I
play. Maybe there's an amateur bracket.
People are just getting better. It's been
pretty cool because most people have come a lot
of weeks and from the beginning of when we started playing till now
Everybody is like way better at basketball, but just fucking awesome. It's cutie putting up three or what she has not come cutie
He's not come back. She went she says boring. Oh, she said to me
I think basketball is kind of boring that hurts cuz she didn't tell me this this is the first I'm finding out
Okay about this information well
We were hanging out doing all your favorite things.
And she just kind of mentioned it.
Making keycaps?
We were making keycaps.
Yeah, we were.
Petting coots.
We were petting coots.
She doesn't do that.
We were watching little kids navigate Japan.
What?
That's one of my favorite things.
They don't realize the cameras are there, but they kind of do.
They point them out sometimes.
Those kids were smart.
When you're watching, forget yeah those kids were apt
Well, I can't wait till it dies. It's not gonna die
Why we can come because I know you're praying on the downfall of all your friends the downfall of an activity that they all enjoy
No, I'm not praying like you come like a kickball week
Probably not what week would it be fucking one-on-one boxing chess tournament?
No Probably not. What week would it be? Fucking one-on-one boxing week? Mogu moves chess tournament. No.
You wouldn't go to a chess tournament?
You wouldn't go to any?
I would get smoked.
By you and want to fucking kill myself.
Okay, the Mogu moves Tekken bracket?
Now we're talking.
Well, we've finally gotten there.
What about Arrivals 2?
Sorry, the company has finally settled on an activity
that matches up with the niche interests you have for this month.
Come on, don't call it money.
I'm not Hobby Lobby.
I'm not Nicky Lobby.
You are Hobby Lobby.
You're Hobby Lobby to video games.
Absolutely.
I am not.
I played chess 65 days in a row.
They told me on the app.
But, like, I think it's more than a month.
But I do think you have Hobby.
I'm just saying, like,
the flavor of the six-month lobby.
It's actually not true.
You think you'll chess till you die?
I play it a lot still. I thought after 1K, I was like, I, he's got hobbies. It's actually not true. You think he'll chess till you die? I play it a lot still.
I thought after 1K, I was like, I'll never play again.
And then I was like, I'll play again.
Booted it up.
And I said, like, all right.
But I'm not Hobby Lobby.
He's not Hobby Lobby.
I think you guys are Hobby Lobby.
Bitch.
Bro, what?
Take it back.
No, you are.
You by nature have to be Hobby Lobby.
I don't have to be shit.
You do because you're a streamer.
So you have to move on to things.
But is it hobby lobby if it's work lobby?
I've been playing Jump King as long as the fucking clock's been sounding.
Pokemon?
It's different.
How am I hobby lobby?
I just think.
Geoguessr?
Chess?
I'm fucking A1.
I don't know.
I think even if you are, it's okay because that's how you get money and get paper.
What a wedway Weasley way.
I'm not Weasley if you were.
I'm not Hobby Lobby.
You're not Hobby Lobby.
I think you're Hobby Lobby.
You think I'm Hobby Lobby?
The guy who has played only three video games for the last 10 years.
And every other video game he plays, he's horrible at.
Okay, it's just Nick Yingling.
He's so, yeah, that's fair.
Nick Yingling is Hobby Lobby.
I'll tell you, you know what?
I concede.
As long as I get one skill. You get one and we can give you Nick Yingling in Hobby Lobby I'll tell you You know what I concede As long as I get one skill
You get one
And you can have
We can give you Nick Yingling
In exchange for our release
I'll trade you
I love Tekken
You can be a little bit right
In exchange for
We offer our boy
Come out
Feast my eye on that boy
You guys wanna get really
Into Soul Calibur
And then defeat Magi
In X Genesis
No
I'm not interested in that
It'd be so funny
If we all beat Magi In Soul Calibur I'd torture her She that. Oh, it'd be so funny if we all beat Magi in solo caliber.
Roll up all at torture.
She's probably really good, too.
Yeah.
It takes so long.
I've been DMing her.
I DMed her, and I was like, I saw your video on Falco Up Air.
You're low-key kind of smart.
Dude.
Oh, that's funny.
I asked her again the next day.
I'm like, how do I beat DK?
Just fucking trolling her. And she wall-texts me on how to beat DK. I'm like, how do I beat DK? Just fucking trolling her.
And she wall texts me on how to beat DK.
I'm like, thanks.
She does love explaining situations in Melee.
You did the triple DK run.
Dude.
Wait, wait, you know about that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I keep running into it.
I played fucking Slippy and I ran into three fucking DKs.
All top DKs.
Yeah, they don't...
They travel in packs
They want you to say they're special, but they're not what if they're all in a discord together all cute
They might be they might actually making monkey noises
And the third person who called gets a nick and they're like I
You know, it's funny cuz I play the bear in Tekken because he's a fucking bear.
Yeah.
And I'm like, yeah.
And he's bad.
And it's like, he's not that bad.
And it's like, dude, they made a bear in a fighting game.
He has a headband.
What is your rank?
Can I ask?
I'm green rank, which is pretty low.
Is it above yellow or below yellow?
It's below yellow.
Dude.
Red rank is the rank that the guides try to get you to.
She's top yellow yeah
she's been she's been grinding i think i could mix lily shit though that i hope because tekken's
a game of like just raw hours in i just study her stupid character that is named after her lily
she loves running this fucking bit i've hung out with her three times and she's like yeah i just
want to go home play tekken and then they're like oh whoa who do you play and then she'll be like guess i ran into people name the four characters they know
and then she'll be like no it's really obvious and then they won't get it she'll be like it's
lily and the reactions i was oh yeah and she's like ah also it has a she has a little dog in
the game lily the character oh oh really really? Yeah. That's perfect. Literally, when she walks onto the stage, she's chasing a dog.
But yeah, I'm having a lot of fun.
Josh is nasty attacking, dude.
Is he?
He's a gamer, bro.
He's doing top player gamer shit.
He'll play for four hours, and it's like when Neo's learning Kung Fu.
And then you'll take out the needle, and he's like, ah, put me back in.
Dude, I am so bad at traditional fighters.
That's my weakness. I can't play them. Dude, I'm so bad at traditional fighters. That's like my weakness.
I can't play them.
Dude, you would get good fast.
She fucks me up.
If I got good fast, you could get good.
Or like under.
Not good.
I just need someone who can tell me how they work.
Because I don't know how to do anything.
I have the same problem.
Because I'm in Sajam's like tournament.
It's like got Lily.
Dude, Toast plays Steve, who's a boxer.
If I lose to Disguised To disguise toast i'm quitting the podcast box
box will mix your shit box box will mix your shit and i'm okay with that yeah but uh i went in there
and i start asking like say jam and all these because it's like a bunch of coaches you can
like use it's very cool and i'm like what is blocking about i was like i came from melee i
typed out of things like having trouble with this concept. I came from melee which I'm extremely sick at but a lot
You've probably heard about me very sick
But I'm like asking about like how block and like taking turns works and they kind of explained it to me and then I just
Like sat down for a couple hours and figured out this like is hog champs for check for Tekken. Yeah, that's that's dope
It's really blocking different in that game than Street Fighter?
No, it's like the same idea.
Dude, it was so fun watching Xenia Magi play Soul Calibur, because when I played Soul Calibur,
I was a child, and I didn't understand how the game worked.
I just played Keeluk and spammed, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and then da, da, and I just didn't
know what anything was.
And sometimes your weapon goes on fire in that game, and I never knew what it meant.
And I was just like, what's that mean? And I kept asking, and they'd answer everything. And weapon like goes on fire in that game and I never knew what it meant and I was just like
what's that mean
and I kept asking
they'd answer everything
and I was like
oh it's cool
I learned everything
about Soul Calibur
and they're using
like top player
mentalities
to like play
fucking Lizardman
and link against each other
Peter messaged me
there's a new
Berserk manga coming out
if anyone's interested
by the way
that's so fun
I love that he's tapped in
he's tapped in
this computer's got a thousand way. That's so fun. I love that he's tapped in. He's tapped in.
This computer's got a thousand viruses,
but he's tapped.
Dude,
the insane league squad,
me,
Josh Mann,
Peter,
your mom,
will lead you.
To play League of Legends? Yeah.
That is an impossible quintuple.
I think that'd be fucking fire, dude.
I think.
I think we could do it.
You couldn't get my mom. I could get my mom. It would be possible. My mom has not played a video game in 20 years. I think that'd be fucking fire, dude. I think... I think we could do it. You couldn't get my mom.
Peter, it would be possible. My mom has not played a
video game in 20 years. I don't give a fuck.
She'd do what I want. Oh my god.
Dude. Have some respect.
Have some respect. You crass little guy.
Have a little decorum. I was trying to say something
else. She'll have fun, is
what I was gonna say. Dad, take back the
previous thing. I'd take it back. I didn't mean
to say that. I don't think she would, though. Why not? not because my mom was someone growing up who if the tv was on and no one
is in the room she would walk over to turn it off and she'd be like don't leave the tv on and she
just liked it silent and quiet well and she didn't like noises let's take her to urzikstan for fun
she would look at french news at night oh not Not a good league game. Yeah, keep up with the homeland
She would fucking start doing her taxes and like November. It's so crazy. What was that mogul mail? Yeah?
So let mogul mail what was it's wall doing mogul mail
You could do French mogul for a French audience
I mean you can do like French drama I can do once I can do once if it's a big enough news story.
What's boys in French?
Garçon.
Garçon.
Garçon.
The plan is,
as you say,
simple.
The plan is,
the plan is simple.
Boys.
I gave a twall
a $1,000 gift box
of American stuff.
What'd you put in it?
I put the classics.
Like,
I got him
a custom Celtics jersey
that said Ludwig on it.
So he was gonna walk around
with a Ludwig jersey.
That is so incredibly
self-indulgent.
Yeah, that's like,
we made it about you.
I got him, like,
a NASCAR jacket.
We love example.
I got him a gun.
I got him
a Feastables bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got him a...
What was it?
Feastables bar.
Oh, okay.
I thought there was one
the new one
and then I started
cause I was like
man I need some more
funny stuff
so I started just
re-gifting shit
I got in Amazon streams
and so I was like
yeah a book about
how to make food
with your own cum
a mug that says
thanks for the orgasms
yeah
and I found out
I have a lot of
dumb shit
oh you found out
I chastised you
last week about this did you have to move the Jackie Chan statue out of the way to find lot of dumb shit. Oh, you found out I have a lot of dumb shit. I chastised you last week about this.
Did you have to move the Jackie Chan statue out of the way to find all the dumb shit in your room?
I'm supposed to lose that, you know?
I'm supposed to trade that with Schlatt.
What happened? Trade it?
I owe him my Jackie Chan, he owes me his shiny monkey ball statue.
You get that?
Why?
That's big deal.
I don't think it's the- he has three?
I think it's the second.
It's the smaller one? It's the Charmeleon. That is fucking crazy. three I think it's the second It's the Charmeleon
That is fucking crazy
It's the Mama Bear one
It's the Charmeleon
He has three
I think so
Where do they
Are they just in his home?
Dude they are so heavy
I think it's at
The
Like it's at OTK
Still
Cause they never moved it
Cause it's like
It's a ton
Yeah
Like an actual ton of weight
Imagine you already have
Two monkeys showing
His ball statues so the third one
is like you're not really pressed to get it. Well they'll take care of
each other. I think it's just
so expensive to move. They moved it once
and now it'll live there. It's freight
shipping. The building around it will die.
You know how I know Ludwig's audience
is just fucking locked. They're
super locked in. We did Unpit Intern
and Ludwig had the idea of
taking all the things
from his Amazon stream
and decorating his like
his office
in the fictional world
of Unpit Intern
with it.
And when we played the sketch
or played the challenge
like everyone in the chat
just recognized instantly
this was all Amazon stream items.
They were like
that's the thing we ordered
to Bronze Wolves.
I was like they're tapped
because I didn't know
anyone would notice it.
I thought like one person
on Reddit later would be like,
I realized an Easter egg.
How'd the Warships ad come out?
Did people like it?
People liked it.
It was funny.
I didn't watch it.
You sent me the cut.
I was playing chess.
I was grinding.
You didn't watch it.
No one was fucking grinding.
You didn't watch the damn ad you're in.
Damn ad you're fucking in.
I'm fucking starting.
I don't have to watch that shit.
I don't watch the movie after.
Johnny Cage is not afraid to die.
You're good now.
You're funny, man.
Do you think so, man?
But you seem to commit more.
Excuse me?
You kept fake spitting.
Fake spitting what?
The spit that's in is real, I think.
I know.
I told him to.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm not method.
It's not even about method.
Don't fucking be a little brother off this camera.
I'm saying while you're in it.
He's saying commit, bro.
Feel free to spit.
Listen to me.
Feel free to actually
fucking hit me.
I am an actor,
which is a tool
of the director.
If the director says
or the co-director,
which is apparently you,
says spit,
I say,
where into whom's mouth?
My goat.
Wow.
That's fair.
I say,
where's the sink?
I say,
why not you as well? You guys are doing good voice too much. You guys where's the sink? Mmm. Actually why not fruit? Why not you as well?
You guys are doing
Don't do that. I was doing that launch. He's like the goon commanders here
What am I gonna eat today?
All your chicken fingers
I think you've got it dude Dude, oh my god, Mike
said the nicest thing they ever said to me. It was at
Genesis. I did the goon voice, and they're like,
it's just the best voice you have.
It's just the best. So now you need to
learn how does this voice laugh
at something, and you'll be good.
That's like when Mike talks about my puff.
Just unadulterated
praise.
It's got a competitor
If you can release that same Australian you did at the beginning of the episode
That's a
The Australian goon commander, go
Yo
So, like
I feel like there's not enough monitors in my goon cave
That's pretty good.
I've met dudes in Australia who sound like this.
I've been like so many times.
And if I don't goon like two, three times a week, I might just go crazy.
That is so good.
That's good.
That is so good.
And congratulations.
Can I say?
That worries me. That worries's fucking... And congratulations. Congratulations. You are the winner. That worries me.
He's back.
Worries me how good that was.
So now what?
We're all friends.
We're here.
We're chilling.
And we're just...
Do you think we've worked it all out between us?
I think it's all...
Well, how do you feel about his shot now?
Is it all gravy?
Do you think he still shoots weird?
He does shoot weird.
You're such a fucking piece of shit.
I didn't say you shoot.
We have not.
To answer your question, we have not.
How many threes do you sink?
I'm a supportive friend.
Yesterday?
Yeah.
Three?
How many I sink?
I don't know.
He only counts his own stats.
17.
That would be almost 60 points.
It was 51.
51 points.
Yeah.
I was electric.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
I don't think anyone has ever done that.
No.
I do it most weeks.
Most weeks. Keep in mind, these games are to done that. No. I do it most weeks. Most weeks.
Keep in mind, these games are to 11 points.
You should go to Teppan.
We'll play together.
Yeah, I'm playing Valotro right now.
I'm still on that Valo tip.
I'm playing Valorant with you.
I've been streaming a lot more.
I see.
I've been watching.
You see my shit?
I tune in when you go live.
You like it?
There's one way relationship here.
What do you guys think Sun Say is doing right now?
Bro.
Do you think it's weird?
Can I ask you another question as a friend?
What?
Can I ask you to get some boy advice?
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.
I think it's weird that he hasn't messaged me since Genesis.
Have you messaged him?
Well, no, but I feel like...
Wow.
But I feel like it's like he's the one who...
If he's interested, he would like... He knows I'm interested. What like he's the one who like he would be interested
if he's interested
he would like
he knows I'm interested
what if he's busy
maybe he's thinking
about you
I'm a famous podcaster
I talk about him
all the time
he knows
this seems selfish
now this seems selfish
also
who are you calling
cause you're basically
are you trying to
I'm calling him
no no dude
don't do that
I'm so embarrassed
hey
hey buddy
so uh
I'm here with uh
Nick
hi Miles hey Nick how's it going man and he was just wondering Hey buddy So I'm here with Nick Hi Miles
Hey Nick how's it going man
And he was just wondering why
He's thinking a lot about you
And how much fun you guys had at Genesis
And he was wondering why
Why you didn't message him back
Why I didn't message him back
Why don't you even message him
No you didn't leave him on read
But he was wondering, you know, why
has he messaged you?
Yeah, because I don't think you had a good time together.
Well, let's just start here, Miles.
Did you have a good time with him?
Oh, I had a great time.
Well, look at that.
Do you want more good times?
Actually, since you're all there, great timing.
I will say my representation as a glizzy, gobbling demon wasn't very
cool, Nick.
That wasn't super cool.
Whoa.
He's upset at you.
That's why.
He's mad at you. I's why. He's mad at you.
I see I've hurt you.
Wow.
You know, the whole weekend we were talking about how you and I both were not above it.
But in the moment, it kind of felt like you might have been above it.
Wow.
Wow.
He doesn't mean that.
He's doing it for the show.
So maybe you wanted him to reach out to kind of reconcile this.
I was kind of reconcile this.
I was kind of thinking about it.
I was just like, you know, you guys talked about me liking Interstellar.
I was kind of a basic bitch for that.
Calling it my favorite movie, first go around.
Miles, I'll tell you what, Miles.
I love that movie.
Miles, and I don't want to cut you off, but it is a basic bitch choice.
But like, continue.
No, it's a great movie, Miles.
Don't worry about it. Aiden finishes movies on Wikipedia.
I swapped to Gattaca.
I swapped to... Which is a great swap are
you going by the top 500 IMDB what's the plan here no movies we watch in middle school for 200
yeah yeah actually all right well look I just wanted to call you to say that Nick was thinking
about you but it sounds like because a crush is something that's. It's not a crush. A lover is something that you don't have often.
We're just friends.
That's all it is.
Okay.
No, man.
I'm going to come down.
We're going to hang out.
Oh, wow.
You know, we honestly, we had a nice goodbye.
There's also that.
It's kind of weird to reach out too soon after that.
What was the goodbye?
What was the goodbye?
You don't have to go into that.
You don't have to go into that.
Just a nice hug, a goodbye, you know.
It was just a hug.
Just a hug? And that's all you know? It was just a hug.
And that's all it was.
Alright, well, he'll be in touch, okay?
Yeah,
I was just wondering, Nick, what are we?
Ooh.
Wow.
Oh my god.
Look how good he looks.
He's got a photo of you now.
Do you mute?
Oh god.
Do you mute? do I Mew
yeah
no man
I'm just like this
damn
that's cool
alright
I'll let you go
god bless
bye Miles
see you later fellas
you should take him
to Tomoko
to Tomo's house
Tomoko
what is that
it's a great place
for friends
who you wanna like
you know keep hanging out with oh What is that? It's a great place for friends who you want to like, you know, keep hanging out with.
It's a Japanese massage place.
Is there a whole situation?
They do couples massages.
Okay.
And you massage each other?
No, no.
Those two people come and do all that shit for you.
I go to a massage envy for that.
Do the people who massage you end up massaging each other?
Unknown, because it doesn't happen in the same room.
Is it like an oil or like a peanut butter?
It's...
Well, me and Cutie went.
Peanut butter couples massage.
They serve you food after.
You can hang out.
It's a nice, relaxing environment.
But I never...
They feed you horse mackerel? They feed you food after. You can hang out. It's a nice, relaxing environment. They feed you horse mackerel?
They feed you...
It felt like very basic sushi.
Yeah.
Nothing crazy.
Tuna salmon.
And then I never got a lot of massages in my life.
So they were doing the whole thing.
They did some oil.
They did the rock thing.
I'm like, all right.
I've never got the rock thing.
I was like, I've heard of all these.
And then...
What's the rock thing? Hot stones. Hot stones on of all these and then what's the rock thing this?
What
Movies and shit they put like the hot spoon in your back, and they're always like yeah, oh she
Yeah, that's why you go. Yeah, she when you get touched by it
The person doing it doesn't go yeah, oh gee yeah
So they did all that but then what I didn't know is then the lady who's massaging me mounted me.
What?
And she like,
I was like lying face down and she straddled my back.
And then she started doing like what I can only describe as slow,
methodical jujitsu moves to stretch my legs out.
Yeah.
And like,
she would also like,
just like,
she was really light.
So she just put her knees
on my back
and then hands on my shoulders
and then like scoot up
and then scoot up
and then go back down.
One with the bear
and bear stance.
And then she'd like
put my legs
like in weird configurations.
Again, with the mounting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then
this only works
if she's like 90 pounds.
She was definitely
like a 90 pounds. Yeah. Kelly, you'd break someone's back doing that if she's like 90 pounds. She was definitely like a 90 pounds.
Yeah.
Kelly,
you'd break someone's back doing that.
If they were not his back,
not my,
not him,
not that,
not that young.
No,
anyway,
we go through it all.
And then you got boner.
It's cool.
No,
but that's the first thing cutie says to me when it's done.
What?
She's like,
you get a boner.
I'm like,
no.
Oh my God.
She's like,
she's off the table. That's a cock like no oh my god she's like she's off
the table that's a cock push-up this is the second tenacious dereference today she's like i just
thought you did i thought everyone did and i was like no i can everyone i can control it also you
what you say is i only get boners for you i've never gotten a boner without you except that one
time you were on the big joe and you had boner. And the several times at night often.
That's different because you're sleeping.
You're dreaming about her.
That's worse, though, because dream me is mean.
We're trying to help you right now.
Oh.
True.
Remember that time in that old house you were on the Big Joe?
And she was like, Ludwig, get up.
And you're like, I can't have a boner.
And it was like 1 p.m. in the daytime.
Why is that a weird time to have a boner?
No, that's your 1 p.m. boner.
That happens like once a day. Because we were all in the daytime yeah is it a weird time that's your 1 p.m. boner that happens like one day we're all in the living room together I used to get a
boner every single math class of my life I think yeah I got a boner on the on the
drive to school every single morning every school bus the school bus is a And I know that I know that some people
No no no no
Just say it with one bit
You can't
Stop you're moving too fast
That means I'll shoot it
Take that out of context
We don't even have a bus
Damn where I'm from
Man
You guys
You guys wanna go to
We Spa with me?
We Spa?
You know We Spa?
Oh he found He found a fucking onsen like in America.
Actually, that's what it is.
I've been to it a few times.
Wii Spa's famous in LA.
Yeah.
I just imagine a bunch of me's running around bathing themselves.
I'd go to Wii Spa.
That's the Korean one, right?
We can roll up.
Roll up together.
She's tight.
I'm blown out.
I don't know her.
I don't know damn shit about damn anything.
You want to relax?
You got a fucking experience we got in LA, man. You get in the hot tub. I don't know her. I don't know damn shit about damn anything. You got a fucking experience we got in LA, man.
You get in the hot tub.
I don't have to do anything.
Well, if you don't, then what's going to happen is going to continue to happen.
Because there's a nice Japanese restaurant that was in Little Tokyo.
The oldest one in Little Tokyo.
And they got ousted for a weed dispensary.
That's legal to do.
I know, but it's just sad.
People are sad about it.
You said ousted. You mean
they got closed down. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The owners are gone. They've been
ousted and now a weed dispensary.
This isn't the word. What is the word?
Ousting is what you do to pedophiles.
What? No. Yes. No, that's
ousting me. It's the same thing.
No, ousted is different.
Isn't ousted removed from power?
Yes, ousted.
Kicked out, removed.
Yeah, but like, the dispensary did not remove these people from power.
The owners ousted the restaurant.
I don't think this is the right verbiage.
Can you look up ousted?
Oh, I get what you're saying.
Yeah.
He's right.
Drive or expel someone from a position or place.
Yes, that's exactly right.
I don't think that happened.
So the owner of the building... Nick, look at you like you were so dumb right there. The owner of the building ousted the sushi restaurant. Yes. Yes, that's exactly right. I don't think that happened. So the owner of the building...
Nick, look at you like you were so dumb right there.
The owner of the building ousted the sushi restaurant.
Yes.
I'm switchling right now.
I don't think this...
I just think it's a bad way to say it.
It wasn't sushi, that was racist, but yes.
Damn.
Wait, you said it was a...
Japanese restaurant.
Oh, wow.
The racism bug is hitting me.
Oh, so you're saying it's now a dispensary.
Yes.
All right.
And the original Japanese restaurant has been ousted.
I'm going to keep saying it because they've been removed from a place.
Yeah.
But they weren't like forcefully removed.
It's just business.
They literally were forcefully removed.
Well, how did it happen?
It's the landlord.
Did they show up with a fucking submachine gun?
And they were like, you're getting out of here, old man.
Do you think it's the only way to make them removed?
Do you think the only way to make them ousted is a submachine gun?
I think I'm right.
Vibe face. The owner's ousted is a submachine gun I think I'm right vibe face the owner's
most grammar is vibes
I think most
of your logic
is whether you
feel confident or not
and not what's real
it's my confidence
based on my lived experience
would you have more
of you then
I don't think that's fair
because now you're
just being ageist
yes
fuck you
yes I am
fuck you man
fuck you
this is why they have
dispensaries everywhere now
we don't have Japan Town.
Well, to be clear, there's still like 50 restaurants there.
Tokyo's dying because of you.
Yeah, because one place got closed down.
Because this man wasn't mean all the time.
Now we can't go buy little figurines.
Yeah.
It's a restaurant.
Yeah.
And some of the figurines aren't, they're cool.
Some of them are different Kirby's.
Yeah, some come in a jar.
Some of them are good. That's convenient for housing. Some of them are different kirby's yeah some come in a jar some of them that's convenient for housing some of them are little garfields that's not very common garfields in a little tokyo very common japan loves garfield that's not true they love yeah
they love lasagna too they actually found out about garfield before lasagna it's like they
it's like they have that you know how to love KFC on Christmas? It's like that.
It's just all inverted.
You should know this, being that culture guy.
I'm a bit cultured.
KFC's good, man.
Fucked up.
Dude, what the fuck?
Ete decimas.
When we had it on the fucking fast food video, I was like, I forgot I used to love this shit.
It's so bad.
When I was a kid.
I just went through the cheapest and least expensive item from every fast food spot and it was so greasy dude connor loved i watched that video connor
loved that in-n-out burger what's he's the worst item i mean probably objectively it is the jack
in the box two for one tacos no because they're a grease monster. We used to call them cat meat tacos. Yeah, the Taco Bell cheesy roll-up is like
That thing is gross. No things funny. It's just tortillas. No, it's just like gross as like a product
Not like as like a like they did it's like $1. Yeah, like that's fucked food should be more expensive than a dollar
No, yeah, you're no he's what you you're saying but you shouldn't say that if they're saying you shouldn't say that if they're making a profit
off of a dollar then that means they're producing cheese and tortillas for like
10 cents you could get what you're saying no but you can go to the grocery store and get tortillas
and you can get cheese and that one of them will not cost you more than a dollar. The margin on fast food
is like 5%.
It's really thin.
It's the volume
that keeps you in business.
So keep buying
the cheesy roll-ups.
It was like 2D.
It was like paper.
It was so weird.
I think you should
follow your heart
and you should
open up donkeys.
Follow your fart
that big ass butt you got.
Fuck.
He's just too fast. Fuck, dude. I can't beat him. Jesus. Hey, but yeah He's just too fast
Jesus hey, you know it's funny. What's funny dance? I don't see funny. Sam's making me laugh. I'm paying sir
And he did have a few bangers use funny brother
I say he was really good on the on all the pre-recorded segments to talking about a place on the map is called
Wawa and then someone goes on the map it was it was in Audacity oh yeah, yeah, he's map is called Wawa. And then someone goes on the map. It was it was in audacity.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He's like, what is Wawa?
Because it was like a Wawa effect.
Oh, what's Wawa?
And it goes like a water when I'm really thirsty.
I thought that was fucking funny.
Yeah, it was.
Don't give a cringe face when you didn't watch.
No, I think it's good.
No, I'm sure the timing is fine.
All jokes can be funny if you time them right.
That's true about life.
What?
Whatever happened.
Remember, I was supposed to be the assistant in that.
Yeah.
What made you change your mind?
I thought Stans would try more hard and care more.
What the heck?
And own the project more.
What the heck?
You could have said the show was his idea.
You didn't have to say that.
But I believe everything I said.
I would try really hard.
I always try hard when you fucking...
I think you do try hard when you're there,
and you're very funny when you're there,
but I think the pre-production...
Oh, I wouldn't have done shit.
Yes.
Yes, Dan's props.
And I am actually not doing shit,
and he needs to do shit.
Right, he needs...
Yeah, that makes sense.
I wasn't bitching.
I was just curious.
Because me and Zipper 3 watched together. We tried doing the reverse speak challenge after yeah we tried it was it hard dude
it's fucking hard yeah that shit we basically had to say you had a sentence you had to say it
in reverse and then when you reverse it had to sound normal yeah and it was there is a correct
strategy i did it what what this is my strat
I
I
record
or
I recorded my voice
like recorded the line
reverse it
tried to phonetically
write it out
and then tried to like
you recorded your line
and reversed it
I recorded
sorry
I recorded
recorded my line
like properly
reversed it
so it's reverse speak
oh it is
yeah
you can't just listen to it
that's the one rule you can't do that I know about this that's why it's hard I Oh it is? Yeah You can't just listen to it That's the one rule
You can't do that
I know about this
That's why it's hard
I didn't know that either
It was still hard
Even though I was doing that
I could only get half my sentence
Well the cheat code is
You ask Stans to do it
Oh so he records it
The language says
You cannot record yourself
Yeah
Saying the original line
Dude
In reverse
So what other people were doing
Was like oh
I won't say the original line
I'll change secrets to be secrets.
That's why Daniel had him read it.
Yeah, that's why Daniel had him read it.
I'm going to be real.
I didn't pick up on that even a little bit.
I don't know if people did or not.
I was talking with my girlfriend in the kitchen while it was on, so I did not hear the rule.
I do think an adjustment I want to make for episode two was I thought
this would cover itself
because of how many
people were on the show
but it didn't.
I want them to not
rush through the instructions.
They're reading them
so fast
and kind of unclearly.
Right.
And like Daniel
in particular was like
alright my name is
Ludwig I'm going to
read it like that.
And I was like
oh well someone else
will read it like
really clean.
But no one did.
You need to read it slow.
So I have to give them instruction.
Influencers don't want to fucking read.
Read it really clearly.
Read it nice and slow for me.
Put me in, coach.
It'll be a banger.
I do want you in, but it's.
Pete, to your credit, he said something very nice about you and very mean about us.
Dubbing?
Dubbing.
What the fuck did dubbing say?
He was like, he was making fun of him for having so much trouble getting guests.
He's like, just get the yard boys.
It'd be a great episode to have all four of you do it.
And he was like, I would only ask Slime.
Oh!
Scooter beep!
Then he said a meaner thing next that I won't say on the show.
About me?
No.
About other people?
Thanks for watching the yard this week.
It could be about anyone.
I can't wait to hear this.
It could be about anyone.
On the premium, once, because we're going to do it tomorrow, once we've all cooled off, I'll tell you. It could be about anyone. I'll tell you to hear this. On the premium, because we're going to do it tomorrow,
once we've all cooled off, I'll tell you.
It could be about anyone.
I'll tell you, dear viewer.
Aiden, it could be about anyone.
Oh, I bet it's Aiden we get frustrated
and fuck the vibes up.
We'll see you on the primo in a little bit.
It could be about anyone.
Fuck you.