The Yard - Ep. 149 - Ludwig Is Back!

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

This week, the boys talk about the hungrybox pop off, the youngest esports player ever, and how we're making our own charity......

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 when you run out of sertraline aka zoloft and you go take it your body goes through literal drug withdrawals and it feels like your head is filled with wet cement and you get brain zappies and i forgot to do my refill thing what are brain zappies it's exactly what they sound like like when it takes in no it's like it's like you literally feel is it like hot electric electric little zappies in your brain meat. Is it kind of good? It's like that little animation in Jimmy Neutron when he has an idea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Okay, okay. But it's without the idea. Jimmy Neutron. Oh, my God. You're nothing. Dude, like that episode where he's got the monkey clapping inside. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like the monkey.
Starting point is 00:00:58 The symbols are electric, like the Mega Man Xbox. And the Shaka's brain. Yeah, it's like Spark Mandrill. And it's zipper- mandrill and it's zipper like zipper likes megaman and uh it sucks uh so i'm like i told you guys in the chat i'm like my body is going through withdrawals right now i hope that that's i hope that that's okay i hope that that's okay i hope it's okay that I'm not fucking dead and I'm not fucking dead Oh, hey, well dude. Oh my
Starting point is 00:01:33 Now you're surprised What is that do is evil? You would sound like if you saw if he came back I just thought that he is right now if you saw a reanimated corpse that's the sound you would make
Starting point is 00:01:50 yeah like that Jesus took three I took four and that's the noise you make for me it's annoying you know what Jesus is allowed
Starting point is 00:01:57 to say that and so is Dudwit is that when you come back from the dead we had a beautiful service for you I know have you risen?
Starting point is 00:02:04 what the fuck? Wait, can I see your sides and see if there's like a hole, you know, where they stabbed him and the water came out? What? When the water comes out. Is it like,
Starting point is 00:02:13 was it an anime I haven't seen? What is this? This is, I just went to Catechism when I was a kid. The melee event? No, no, no. What is Catechism?
Starting point is 00:02:20 No, no, no. It's actually Project M. Ludwig died in the way that Senator Kelly died in the first x-men he got turned into juice because they put they put mutant dna in him to make him into a mutant to be like now you know what it's like to have powers but it's bad powers and he just turns into juice i would love to be a mutant well you are because you're a reanimated corpse walking among us now i am back and i have a gripe with all three of you.
Starting point is 00:02:46 That's surprising because I think we demonstrated our empathy and sadness when you died last week. We were so bummed. Person I'm mad at number one, Slime. Not shocking. Because he's messaged me multiple times and all he says is, bun done runs you. And then I don't reply and then he
Starting point is 00:03:05 follows up with bun done runs you yeah reply now say I don't know yes daddy the automated text service only has one programmed output please text stop signature for my texts just reply like dot dot dot from Ludwig hags you should you should have a text signature that's like a like a forum signature like a
Starting point is 00:03:31 like a full on anime gif like a girl and it's just like it's like a little banner why is it sent from Boeing 787
Starting point is 00:03:39 yo that's lit if I kill I am not suicidal if I die That's lit. If I kill my I am not suicidal If I die it was Mad at you okay, cuz you've been doing this weird thing lately. Oh, oh weird thing I don't know if he's done it to you. He's been sending voice messages I sent him a voice message. Okay, two
Starting point is 00:04:03 two voice messages. Dubs, check them. Within an hour. Three, maybe three actually. It's like getting your credit checked. It only counts as one. He sent me multiple voice messages. Okay, so I... And it's like, nope, I'm going to say what happened.
Starting point is 00:04:14 He sends me voice message and it's like, he wanted something. Of course. He wanted something from you. He wanted... What's fucking new, man? What's fucking new? He wanted something. How about you call him up and say something nice to, he wanted. What's fucking new, man? What's fucking new? He wants something. How about you call him up and say something nice to him like me?
Starting point is 00:04:28 And then he follows up because I didn't reply. I did. And he goes, and he goes, and he goes, ha ha, yeah, whatever. I didn't even want that thing. Ha ha. And then I said, stupid. I started hitting myself loud enough for the mic to hear over and over again. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:04:41 That's a good bit. And then he says. Are you mad about this? No. This is great. This is fire so far. And then he says... You mad about this? This is fire so far. Do you have it? I want those. Did you have it? Did you get to click keep? Yeah, you have to click keep or it goes away.
Starting point is 00:04:54 Unless you have it automatically set to keep all. Do you not send audio messaging of nutting with the sound on? No, I don't. I don't do that. What, to your loving wife? To your loving wife? Fist out of the blue also said why do you love me out of the blue? I did not send you that out of the first to be clear It's a very very hot Lola bunny with moose that could be your texting. He asked me to bake it anyway
Starting point is 00:05:16 He's just lying anyway, then he sends me a voice message of him singing Okay, this is fire. Yeah, this is all good between friends it's like sure day yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna start sending you audio I want to play oh yeah all I asked I have a pimple all I asked with him excuse that he no it's not. Looks big. Dude, sniper get down! A man! A shit man! Um. What? He said that his cousin made a film and I was like, I wanna watch it, can you send it to me?
Starting point is 00:05:54 Yeah. Then he ignored the text. So I said stupid, sorry for asking. Stupid, stupid. I see, yeah, yeah. And then he sent it. And then I watched it. Was it a good film? I sang to him. What is this, uh, this film about the poop? Not far off. Glowing on me.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Kind of far off. Not that far. The accent's there. Are you kidding me? It's like a really smoldering, really try-hard short film. It's like, like, like, graded all dark. And he's like, I just don't like this poop. Something is wrong with my poop.
Starting point is 00:06:30 I must find the answer. Dude. So I was at the shoot all week, and I had a trailer, and the trailer toilets are, like, not the best toilets, and I took a dump in one. You clogged that shit up.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Bro, it wouldn't go cuz they it's got basically an airplane toilet we had to like a lever for it to go down yeah air yeah and it wouldn't go down we do dumbin it's like it's like he takes a shit and then it goes to the outside of the trailer and you just see it go like on one side like the weight of it in my body wouldn't tilt it, but then when it leaves my body. Yeah. Wait, so hold on. So you took this poop and you got like what, like a PA to stuff it down?
Starting point is 00:07:12 What'd you do? No, I used one of them brushes and I. Oh, you toilet brushed it? Yeah. Dude, we've all been there, but that brush is never going back. I didn't, I didn't bend there because in Italy I clogged that toilet. Oh yeah, I did break it up with a pen. Ew. That's so much closer and more intimate. I didn't bend there because in Italy, I clogged that toilet. Oh yeah, I had to break it up with a pen. Ew.
Starting point is 00:07:26 That's so much closer and more intimate. I forgot about that. It's weird you made a gross face to me using the brush. It was big. Italian food?
Starting point is 00:07:34 I think the bowl is just smaller, man. No, no, it turned me to a savage, dude. I do agree with you that Italian food is made for like
Starting point is 00:07:40 one big dump every three days. Yeah. Do you think they'd have bigger toilets? Is that why I'm like this? Yeah, you're Italian. No, no, you just have Italian eating habits,
Starting point is 00:07:51 so it makes a king cobra every time. I think if you went, honest to God, I would love if you tried this. I don't think you would because I don't think you could, but if you were to go, what was that?
Starting point is 00:07:59 I just don't think you could do it. He doesn't think you could do it, man. If you were to go vegan for like a month. I did exactly that. You never got vegan. Yes, I did for a month. I did. I do it. It's very hard. If you were to go vegan for like a month. I did exactly that. You never got vegan. Yes, I did for a month. I did. I did this. He's a vegetarian. I already did this. He's a vegetarian. No, I've done vegan for a month. No, don't remember it. How old were you?
Starting point is 00:08:14 Like 20... Does it count? 22? Doesn't count. I don't believe it. I don't know if I was there for that. You were. You were. We tried to do this pescatarian bet and I'm the only one who won. You actually guys owe me $300 total. I'm the only one who won. That's how bets
Starting point is 00:08:30 work. There's a winner. No, but I'm saying you all failed. Yeah, that was the whole point. Yeah, but you said I'm the only one who won. Okay, I'm sorry. You all failed and I'm the best. Okay. We paid out, by the way. We paid out. How did I lose again?
Starting point is 00:08:45 You ate meat. I'm feeling bullshit. No, it wasn't bullshit. I love how, like, present you doesn't think past you could fail. That's how it diluted you. How do you think I stay on top? Hey, man. Well, he cheated.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that was not cheating. What did he do? It's so funny because... Hey, remember that time where we... It doesn't have to be cheating. If I just failed later. Tell that to your girl.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Yeah. Describe that to your girl. You know what? I'll do it. Okay. Actually, in the Unpaid Intern, we're not allowed to talk about the games that we did or with each other because like obviously you talk about it later but we would announce that they're on it
Starting point is 00:09:29 no is he leaking? Stan's already leaked it oh Stan's leaked it I can reveal one thing is that I looked each camera in the eye and I told every single camera that Aiden cheats on his girlfriend that's beast that's so beast.
Starting point is 00:09:46 That's so beast. I know you like that shit. That's pretty funny. Okay, wait, you want him to be vegan for you? I don't understand. I want him to be vegan. You wanna see what happens to my poop? Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, poop's been pretty deece. I play it up, but recently it's been pretty good. I wanna take a
Starting point is 00:10:02 hooded poop, like a king cobra. Like it comes up like that? No, no, no. Like the poop has like a hood on it, like a snake. Like a fan down? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want it to be natty? Yeah, I want that to be the way it is.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Do you want it to be the way that it is inside of you? Or do you want to sculpt it? I want it to come out that way. No, this is kind of what Prometheus is about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This was like the whole idea. They're kind of,
Starting point is 00:10:27 they kind of are just pooping hooded little aliens all the time. I want to take a poop that hisses in the toilet. Yeah. You just want to have a baby. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:37 You want a birth. I think I want to give birth to a snake. You want to give birth to a snake and raise it. Yeah. For yours. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Wait, am I in the clear? You have big problems with both of them? I'm in the clear? Well, my problem with you is that you didn't reach out. I literally did. I missed out on it personally.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Was it for work? No. Uh-oh, it's bonemonos. It was the opposite. It was for a friend. He's got his oops, I was wrong face on. It was for a friend.
Starting point is 00:11:04 And he goes to me and it was sad you don't reply anymore I reply you didn't reply to him me or him no I replied to him it took a couple days
Starting point is 00:11:12 I didn't reply to y'all I had to double text for it couple days is crazy dude my fucking shoot was early and I could not use my phone
Starting point is 00:11:21 during the shoot no no phones the evidence what does it say I said you having fun man smiley face miss you And I could not use my phone during the shoot. No. No. No phones. The evidence. What does it say? I said, you having fun, man? Smiley face.
Starting point is 00:11:29 Miss you. Just the sweetest message ever. What did I say back? Nothing. Well, he didn't see it. Nothing. And then I was so... Dude, you know what's funny? I was so sad.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I was so sad that I didn't get a reply that I texted you the next day instead of using Discord. And then I said, when you back, man? Smiley face. What'd I say? You said Saturday. Two exclamation points.
Starting point is 00:11:54 Oh, that's big. And then I said, oh shit, you're in the hood all week. Hope you're having fun. Saturday with a period would have been devastating. That would have been hard hard especially to all the drugs rampaging through his system at edc oh dude you would have been fucking you actually i think
Starting point is 00:12:11 you would have experienced he's still a bit high right now i walked into him earlier yeah he was just he was in here just like you know who actually was this guy oh i'll bleep it we have to we're we're because we shared a shuttle with his group on the way back and the last on Saturday the end of Saturday which is Sunday morning we're coming back and he's like this on the bus and he's like
Starting point is 00:12:35 Aiden I'm more drugs than man right now and I was like what did you take and he's just listing and I was like holy fuck and he was like you know what I did last night when I got back when I got back to the hotel I was like, what did you take? And he's just listing. Oh my God. And I was like, holy fuck. And he was like, you know what I did last night when I got back? When I got back to the hotel? I was like, what'd you do, man?
Starting point is 00:12:50 8 a.m.? You get back in bed? And he's like, yeah. And I put on the yard. No. Yeah. That's crazy. I know. I listen.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Be a fan. I listen every week. And I'm like, you should be listening to the yard with all that in your system, man. No, this is good for him. He thinks we're all. Hey, hey. Ah! Oh my God! Oh my God! Wake up! listen to the yard with all that in your system man that's no this is good for him he thinks we're all oh my god he's still high yeah it's like three weeks later oh shit dude i think you know what i realized mark walberg was right about what i'm doing drugs waking up at 4 a.m and your life beating back i was beating up the vietnamese guy i was up at 4 a.m he was wrong about the vietnamese
Starting point is 00:13:24 guy okay okay you need to set the record straight up at 4 a.m. He was wrong about the Vietnamese guy. You need to set the record straight. I want to set the record straight. He was wrong about that. Was he right when he gathered the funky boons? Turns out it was a Mexican guy. That was still wrong. He's right about waking up and your life feels better.
Starting point is 00:13:41 I was up at that time. Waking up is dope. Going to sleep is dope. I'm up at that time. Yeah, waking up is dope. It's so dope. No, going to sleep is dope. Well, I'm 34, and so I've been thinking about death a lot lately. You've been thinking about it so much. And there's... Excuse me?
Starting point is 00:13:52 You've been thinking about it so much. What did you say to me? I don't want... Don't ever interrupt me ever again. For one. Uh-huh. For two, you look good. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:02 And I'll say that. But you haven't... For three? Yep. For thrice. Going back to rule one. That is fair, because I good. Okay. And I'll say that. But you haven't. For three? Yep. For thrice. Going back to rule one. That is fair because I did it again. You just did it again.
Starting point is 00:14:09 So I've been thinking about death a lot. Okay. Wait, what are you saying I've been thinking about a lot? So much. Death. You've been thinking about so much. You keep bringing it up. Thinking about so much?
Starting point is 00:14:18 You are getting to the halfway mark. You've been thinking about death so much. Oh, that's what you're saying. Dude, I keep. 34 hits so different than 30 can we all agree that the halfway mark is 40 yeah he's getting to the halfway mark you like our our business the business that we are in is is of the youth right the youth no i mean life he means in life i know but it's like it's hard to separate you're talking about sun setting like it's death. I am genuinely in the age where it's like, if I, if I wanted to have kids, I would have
Starting point is 00:14:49 to really think about like, okay, I got to kind of get that going. Well, no, no, no. I don't want the kids, but you're a shit. Look at Robert De Niro kid. That's what I was going to say. That's, that's the fucking celebrity. Fuck that shit. I'm talking normal fucking people.
Starting point is 00:15:00 And his nuts all powder. He made it happen. His nuts are powder, but like also I'm a guy, so I'm like very, you know. You could be 50, put those powder nuts to work. He made it happen. His nuts are powder, but also I'm a guy, so I'm very privileged. You could be 50, put those powder nuts to work. You're powdered berries. My powdered berries would be fine. But what I'm saying is, you guys, that doesn't happen until you get through middle of your 30s. And you're like, the window's closing for life.
Starting point is 00:15:21 It just is. I have so much time. It's something you gotta feel. I'm in my mid-twenties I don't even think about it. I know and you fucking will I'm my early 20s I'm in the middle of it a to anything mid-sense for you know, no, he ate late if I was if I what's late then There is no 29 and you turn 30 to my in my mid-tw20s if I'm at the very tail end of 25? You're in your mid-20s if you're 20 years old or 29 years old.
Starting point is 00:15:49 That's what I think. Okay. Wow. I think that. Okay, young king. 29 to 34 is late 20s. Thank you, zipper. What if I was watching Game of Thrones and I was on season two?
Starting point is 00:16:01 I'd be like, I'm in the middle of it. And if I was on season seven, I'd say the same thing. I'm in the middle of it. Sure, yeah. No, I get it, man. I'm in the middle of it and if I was on season seven I'd say the same thing like I'm in the middle of it so sure yeah no I get it man I'm in the thick of it you will never be 30 is that what you want to hear I will kill myself the day before you're almost 30
Starting point is 00:16:15 I'm not even 29 I said thurs in front of clicks during the shoot clicks is 19 year old fortnight pro yeah and he says no one says that thurs in front of clicks During the shoot clicks is 19 year old fortnight pro yeah, and he says no one says that thurs Third like Thursday no one says that Yeah, this is just something that people don't say people type it out people used to say first Never with words.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Never heard that said out. Thurs was happening for a while. Can you say this sentence? Yeah, I could probably lay out some back shots. Thurs, maybe Fry. You're laying out some back shots. You could say Fry as well. Fry. After my mastectomy, I can give you back shots on Wedge.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Let me check. Let me check. So I have to catch up my 401k Weds. Weds. And then maybe Thurs, we could get to them back shots. I hope. Clicks will outlive you by decades that's a lie, he feels like a guy
Starting point is 00:17:10 who's gonna die young, no offense how is that not offensive cause he just seems like he lives life to the fullest yeah, I see did he just show up on a fucking Harley Davidson smoking meth out of a lightbulb he's a reckless son of a gun
Starting point is 00:17:24 Clicks was at this shoot yeah Clicks was there he'll crank his last 90 one day I'll never forget Clicks as the person who is in the the Nadeshot 100 Thieves video who is like streaming
Starting point is 00:17:33 and Nadeshot comes up he's like oh that's your little ATM right yeah just like get that money bro that was he was in that's the only thing
Starting point is 00:17:41 I know him for I don't even remember that Clicks must have been 14 that's so fucking awesome are you sure it's him uh can you get a zipper no it's not for. I don't even remember that. Clicks must have been 14. That's so fucking awesome. Are you sure it's him? Can you check Zipper? No, it's not him.
Starting point is 00:17:49 Because I don't think Clicks has ever hunted thieves. Please check Zipper Bears. That's a hard one to find, I think, right? No, it's just. Oh, it's the Compa video. Wearing the video is maybe harder. So anyway, I'm feeling like I'm aging. And I've been trying to use TikTok recently.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Yeah, saying that is also bad. No, it was a piece of wood. I will say that also happens when you get older. Yeah, you grow those when you're 30. You just find more wood on you. I got birds. No, I've been trying to use TikTok. It's hard. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:18:19 Sometimes when I record, there's just a really loud audio playing, and I can't turn it off. Is this like a tech problem yeah no it's 100% yeah so spotify is just on no no no when you open tiktok sometimes like it just starts like recommending songs to play while you're recording really yeah yeah and like in like when i in like when i use certain features it won't turn off like i was trying to use the one where they talk with a picture behind them, but I was doing a stitch, and then it was just holding over the song from the stitch, and I was like, turn off. And it was like, no, you can't.
Starting point is 00:18:54 We don't want you to do that. It was just really loud. And it says also, Great Emperor Xi Jinping says have a blessed day for you. And I say, ah, to you as well. To you as well. You bow and it gives you points. Oh, I like that. I want more.
Starting point is 00:19:13 More, more, more. Here are your TikTok coins. You get one hour follow, Bizz. Did you miss us, Dubbin? I missed you, Dubbin. I missed you, man. Alright. I missed you, man. All right. I missed you, man. Which one did you miss the most?
Starting point is 00:19:28 Hold on, before Nick Essek. Well, not fucking not me. No. No. It wasn't you. I actually missed Aiden yesterday the most. Because we were at basketball, and I was like, where's Aiden? Dude, you know what's fucked?
Starting point is 00:19:40 What? Is I was here. I was already back. Dude, because the whole week you guys had planned on Saturday. I didn't realize the scheduling was so in such disarray. The group chat was a mess yesterday. Why the fuck did you just come then? Huh?
Starting point is 00:19:52 I didn't. I wasn't reading it. I just assumed basketball had already happened. And then at the end of the day. You opted not to even read it. No info is better info. It's in a server. Because then you can't fail.
Starting point is 00:20:02 Yeah, that's true. I didn't know the dishes were in there, sweetheart. You know re-watched the other day you know it's fun remember when we ate 17 000 calories in a car together oh yeah that was fun man that was people were saying that was a legendary stream that was a great moment that shit was a vibe that shit was a live stream that shit was a vibe for sure that shit was a long form youtube live stream traveling That shit was a bonus for sure. That shit was a long form YouTube live stream traveling. That shit was a podcast with video. I saw it. What were you going to say?
Starting point is 00:20:31 I interrupted you. Well, it's because he pulled wood out of his hair. And then I was thinking about it. I was like, why do we have to run around in wood chips when we were kids? What? I think it's like better than dirt. Oh, you're talking about on a playground? Gravel and concrete.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Just less likely to get hurt. I feel like you get like splinters and it does hurt. Splinters don't kill you on a playground? Gravel and concrete. You're just less likely to get hurt, right? I feel like you get, like, splinters and it does hurt. Splinters don't kill you, though. I think it's pretty cheap and easy maintenance and everything else, like grass,
Starting point is 00:20:54 the kids will rip it up. So there's no way to, like, have good grass for a long time. Shock absorbency. That's what it is. Or it could be... Where's the video, though? Zipper.
Starting point is 00:21:03 It's because there's swings and stuff. I told you. And people jump. Fucking kids love fucking hurting themselves. Did you guys ever do the backflip off the swing? The video. The 100 Thieves compound video with clicks in it.
Starting point is 00:21:14 No one answered that question. All right. I'm hard calling out. You have done a backflip off a swing. You have also done a backflip off a swing. You never have. Off of a swing? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Yeah, no. I didn't like going really high No, sorry Don't worry, just like kind of like we maybe I don't think you mean like just launch or literally backflip off of it Like you just like rotate even leave it. You just like rotate As high at the apex as you could and then launch myself off. I did that. That shit was fun. But I didn't like being on the swing high.
Starting point is 00:21:49 I liked ejecting. Do you guys ever do the thing where, okay, so there's two people on a swing. You both rotate so that your chains twist up. Yeah. And then you lock your legs and you become one big boat. And the third person pushes the boat. And so you swing like this. And then you put big like boat. Yeah, third person pushes the boat. Oh, and so you like swing like this You let go you like you unravel Because you're all twisted up, and then you like hit each other and then you hit the metal bar
Starting point is 00:22:15 Oh, you have a lot of fun because you're a kid. Why are you a lights? Why are you as a man locking your legs with another? I? Wasn't a man. It was a boy Presumably the goal being a man was I as you're saying I was a gay child you might have been a gay kid okay and I outgrew it yeah you can't pray to the way do we watch the decom yesterday where dude it feels like a big allegory for stuff and and the there's characters in the movie that are zombies but they have to wear like electro shock bracelets to make them normal yeah it's fucking cool it's a musical
Starting point is 00:22:51 also okay so chew on that yeah uh yeah it was honestly i fucked with it pretty hard we should get some of those bracelets for aiden what would the gold keep them in check at EDC every time every time I have a gay thought at EDC the zombie the Disney branded
Starting point is 00:23:10 with the logo Walt Disney zombie bracelet says no that's bad and it shocks you and you pass out and you wake up good now
Starting point is 00:23:18 I'm gonna be honest with you it'd be a lot of shock how was shake dude shake had a great time shake shake is getting back today shake went last night what shake stayed one more day three nights is too long i know it's too much
Starting point is 00:23:33 it's just too much i do dude i i enjoyed it like like anthony did though like going to a concert with shake you can just fuck with him the whole time is it different when he is how many zins did he take first off uh a few a few a few zins i mean we're not dude we're not talking about zins when you go to edc he was doing to be clear he was doing this yeah but it's not like that's like not what he should be yeah it's like saying with the edc oh how many beers did you have yeah i want to know i took... How many creamers in your coffee? How bad is rampant nicotine addiction going to get? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:24:09 That's my concern. Well, it's already there. He'll never grow an inch. I think he's done. But I just had fun fucking with Jake the whole time. So we would go to the bathroom, and I decided that in the first bathroom trip, I am going to loudly talk
Starting point is 00:24:26 about how bad shakes kidneys are for the entire time we're there and i'm just like how you holding up over there bud stream good is it clear and then just that's good like he's everybody's talking about how bad your kidneys are man i heard them talking about it outside and he's like come on dude it's fucking and then we we get outside he's like don't worry man i'll drive you to the clinic on monday will will it's he's just on he's been on dialysis for months will i will carry this torch next time i see shake i will i'm gonna ask him to do something it's just going to be for this i'm just gonna yeah i mean look you need to find some sort of terrible body problem that he's been having and make it up What is this? Have you seen this website? Excuse me? It's called Google. Google.
Starting point is 00:25:09 You search anything? Hey, she doesn't hear about this! I think it's a sh- Hey, she doesn't hear about this website! What are you talking about? Did you go to shakedrizzle.cz? You haven't seen this? Oh, you say you haven't heard about this?
Starting point is 00:25:19 I have seen it. No, I haven't. You know what I'm talking about, right? You know what I'm talking about, right? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, let's go look at it though. Is Ziver- Would you mind pulling up a website? Zipper's also doing a task for me right now, so he's a little flustered. He can do both.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Well, he couldn't do the first one, so. He unzips and then the left half does one, the right half does the other. Oh, my God, I wish. Multitask. I wish I could. And what's the zip- What's the zip-o-bee doing? Jerking his little fucking shit at the bottom.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Getting metal, aluminum busting. I did miss you guys. Did you? That just reminded me. You like that shit? Every time I hear that noise, I'm going to think of Devin. When he's past after 30. You know what?
Starting point is 00:25:55 I'm actually done messing with Shake. Why? Because you're about to fire him. I'm on like that raise everybody up type shit. Okay. Okay, well I shake though. I can be the one to bring Shake down. No, I'm not doing Shake. I can bring Shake down. I'm on like that that raise everybody up type shit. Okay. Okay. Well I shake though I can be the one to bring shake down. I'm not doing a shake. I can shake down again Wait, you're you're done fucking with shake because you're raising everyone up. I'm raising Yenna
Starting point is 00:26:16 It's just into what starting with yeah to be I want it to be a 220 pound six foot four basketball player Let's make Ian taller. Yeah, it's given the surgery. I'm trying to get one 220-pound, 6'4 basketball player. Let's make Yan taller. Let's give him the surgery. I'm trying to get him one more inch. Give him more bones. He's 165. You taught him how to pump fake. I've been teaching him how to ball, man.
Starting point is 00:26:33 What? It's CX, I think. It might be CX. He finishes at the rim now. Well, I go to lunch with Yan. I'm like, Yan, you're going to need a pound of sour cream. There it is. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Yes. Of course we saw this this got made years ago did it years ago this got made when we were making fun of him for this a lot we you just found it out because you've been on your phone more there was one there was one person after one of the shows that that recognized me and as we're walking out shake is behind me and he makes eye like prolonged eye contact with Shake but doesn't say anything And Shake was like, that guy knew. He knows I'm the burger man. And then Shake's just paranoid.
Starting point is 00:27:13 The dude knows I'm the burger man. Okay, this is it. Okay, I got it wrong. You can just play it zipper. I don't think clicks is a hundred and eighty. It's not clicks. It's a guy named Giggs. Dude, that guy's 34 years old. Clix is a 15-year-old. I get it. So he just called all of his viewers personal ATMs,
Starting point is 00:27:36 which is the hardest shit ever. Well, he's playing Fortnite. He's actually dropping right now. Dude, that's fucking cool. I will never, ever, ever forget this video i i get why you haven't forgotten it but it is crazy we took 20 minutes to pull up the clip that clicks we just told you clicks wasn't it no no i just i just misremembered it was like you know four letters yeah but when you remembered we told you that clicks wasn't i was just wanting to see who it
Starting point is 00:28:02 was i didn't think i was right. I just wanted to point out. Can you even be an employee at that age? An employee? Can you be employed by 100 Thieves at 14? 14? Absolutely not. Booga was Sentinels when he won. He was 16 when he won, wasn't he? Uh, Booga?
Starting point is 00:28:22 You can contract out anyone you want at any age. Why don't we do that? Okay, we make like a factory. We've done this. We get our merch made. We get a bunch of kids. We contract miners a bunch. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:28:32 Dude, we probably do this by accident. Clarify. No. Maybe just clarify. Oh my god, Lil Poison started competing at the age of four for Halo. Oh, I would smoke that Ute. Jesus. I would smoke that Ute. Lil Poison would smoke that youth. I would smoke that
Starting point is 00:28:45 youth. No, no. The old poison was good, dude. I'm not kidding. Have you seen a picture of him? No.
Starting point is 00:28:51 He's a beast. Look at little poison. That's not. Little poison. Oh my god. Dude, he's got the fucking Oscar the
Starting point is 00:29:00 Grouch shirt. That and also a 30-year-old man has the same shirt in a trailer park. Dude, he was doing lowercase I before riffraff. That and also a 30-year-old man has the same shirt in a trailer park. Dude, he was doing lowercase i before riffraff. That's hard. How old is he now? He's got to be like, I don't know, like fucking 16.
Starting point is 00:29:13 A grown-ass man. Some shit. 16. He'd be older, I guess. Oh, my God. He's 26. Oh, he's fucking Aiden's age. That's you.
Starting point is 00:29:24 My Halo timescale is That's you All you My Halo timescale Is so bad All you could've been And here Look at that guy's Lapping you Dude Lil Poison
Starting point is 00:29:31 Versus Picture of Aiden With the N64 controller Baby mode Oh my god That Aiden gets so mad Yeah And loses
Starting point is 00:29:39 Oh dude Lil Poison smokes you On the court And you freak out That's why your mom Took away video games Cause I was too tilted. She knew he was out there Yeah, cuz little poison was cooking me on Mario strikers online after his halo career He just fucking started toad flipping over the goalie started terrorizing you yeah, and here's a child pageant Yeah, I remember like it was a great success for adults adults only. For adults only. What was that child in sight?
Starting point is 00:30:06 Child pageants for children are like a wildly successful thing. Right. And I just found out about this because Jojo Siwa. Jojo Siwa. You know Jojo Siwa? She got the vaccine and now she can't stop doing that thing. Oh, she's like... Yeah, she jolts a lot.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Yeah. Is this real? She does have... Yeah, she jolts a lot. Yeah. Is this real? No. She does have a dance that involves jolting. She's the largest gay icon in the world right now. Oh.
Starting point is 00:30:31 She... She was like a child star and she started on the show Dance Moms, which is basically just a child pageant. Right. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:38 And I just didn't connect the dots that Dance Moms was a child pageant. Okay. And I also didn't connect the dots that it made like one of the most famous people ever. Maybe...
Starting point is 00:30:47 I haven't heard of her. She's very famous right now. It's crazy. I haven't heard of her. You haven't heard of most people. You haven't heard of like anybody. You haven't heard of most people. You don't matter. I've tried saying it in Twitter videos. They're everywhere right now. My timeline's infested. What's on your timeline? It's like a bunch of like kitties and they're
Starting point is 00:31:03 like hugging. Wow. What? Yeah, I just get a lot of kitties, and they're like hugging wow yeah I just get a lot of kitties these days me and Nick are the same timeline I feel like cuz every time I see something's like oh, yeah, yeah, it's her doing the dance. Yes, okay? Because can you bring up the show we gotta show slime? Crazy dance everyone's into the dance My understanding is that people think she's she's cringe But they like her. Because she said things like, I'm going to be the first one to make gay pop or something.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Like, just weird shit like that. Like pop music? Like, I'm going to make a new genre of music called gay pop. Okay. Sure, I'll fucking run it. You guys do what you want to do, you know? I don't mind either way. But she's just a,
Starting point is 00:31:47 you know, she's 20 learning about herself. Okay. I can do it for you live. Oh, I did see this. Yeah. That was music video though. I want to see her like in the middle of Times Square. I saw the one on the street, like on the concert or whatever. You see her wear a construction outfit?
Starting point is 00:32:06 No. But she just stomps real hard. And she like- She's from a child pageant! Yeah, see here's the thing. She is? Yes. If a child has ever- She's from Dance Moms. She escaped. That's what I'm saying. Isn't that like the- you know, she's more famous from Dance Moms than she is from child pageantry. Well, Dance Moms to me is child pageantry. No, but not all child pageants
Starting point is 00:32:25 are turned into reality TV shows. It's like Catholic Christian. Yeah, but like, what you do in a child pageant is you have one winner. Like,
Starting point is 00:32:32 what are you saying? Like, not everyone on American Idol becomes a famous singer. All the kids win because they all have fun. Also, if it's single,
Starting point is 00:32:38 let me play out third. But like, the thing with, every time a kid is on camera, it is essentially child pageantry. That's what you should realize here. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:47 What I've realized is Disney pumps out child's children. Careful, sweetheart. What? I don't like the little child and pumping in the same way. Wait, what did you say? I found out Sabrina Carpenter is from Disney. Yeah. I found that out too.
Starting point is 00:33:03 Which is crazy. It's a me espresso. I don't think it is crazy. Who is this? I don't know. Itenter's from Disney. Yeah. I found that out too. Which is crazy. It's a me espresso. I don't think it is crazy. Who is this? I don't know who this is. You don't know? It's been used by somebody. Wow.
Starting point is 00:33:10 Sabrina Carpenter. There's a song called Espresso. It's really catchy. She's probably like the newest, biggest pop star. She's like Olivia Rodrigo? Yes. She's like the new Olivia Rodrigo. She's inventing gay pop.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Okay, okay, okay. Did Olivia Rodrigo fell off? No. She's washed. Not at all. She's dusty and washed like a gymnast. Good for you. No, that's so-
Starting point is 00:33:30 Took Madame Uso. I'm crazy. Don't call me that. Sabrina Carpenter. Yes. Olivia Rodrigo. Ariana Grande. Selena Gomez.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Dude, this is the machine. Miley Cyrus. Are you figuring this out right now? But like, how does Miley Cyrus- They all come from Disney. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. I thought, okay. They're all from Disney. Dude, this is the machine. Miley Cyrus. Are you figuring this out right now? But, like, how does Miley Cyrus? They all come from Disney. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. I thought, okay.
Starting point is 00:33:47 They're all from Disney. Yeah, dude. I would have lost that connection. Yeah, dude. We just watched Zombies, the DCOM, right? And what their job is to do is to try to mint, like, extremely, insanely giant pop stars. But, like, why? Because they don't...
Starting point is 00:34:00 Why? Because there's fucking money in the prequel stand. But, like, I don't think Disney has any ownership or like rights over any of those people anymore. Yeah. Oh. Have you heard of a company called Viacom, pussy? Yeah. Almost certainly they do. Do you think? Yes, dude. Yeah. How deep does it go? But they probably own all of the old Miley stuff and none of the new Miley stuff.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Like The Climb? Yes, The Climb. The Permute in like an episode. You should a like them on voice memos. Yeah, okay They didn't like private you know many fingers Disney has and how many pies So that was chill. Thank God. It's a pie And you said how many fingers in and that's They got figures and pies and mouths Let's reset we're getting too crass no
Starting point is 00:34:57 Analogy that everyone uses in the Bible Is it the figure at least once the fingers chips are everywhere cause I'm gonna look this up I don't know if poop is in the Bible. Is it? At least once. The fingers of blue chips are everywhere. Pause. I'm going to look this up. I don't know if poop is in the Bible. Dude, I can't stop thinking about Mickey putting two fingers into Minnie's mouth. Oh, yeah. You like that? Do you think he takes the glove off?
Starting point is 00:35:19 Yes. Tell me how big, Minnie. Tell me I'm off a perk I got it Deuteronomy 23 as part of your equipment have something to dig with and when you relieve yourself dig a hole
Starting point is 00:35:37 and cover up your excrement oh that's just what they do that's just good advice that's just good advice it's just it's just healthier it's more it's just good advice. That's just good advice. That's just what you should be doing. It's just healthier. It's more, it's cleaner. And then an apple tree grows.
Starting point is 00:35:48 Mitty, I burned my excrement with this on. Yeah, Mickey likes taking dumps, getting blown by- Mitty poked out the water! You know he's a freak about it. Mickey's a freak. I know Mickey's a freak.'s good to have you back Mickey's a freak I know Mickey's a freak Mickey Mouse gloves Doing like the
Starting point is 00:36:07 It's like a sticker On a car Yeah a sticker On the back of a truck window I don't want to see Mickey doing that If Cutie went down A different path
Starting point is 00:36:17 That'd be the guy She's dating Is a guy with The Mickey Mouse Always wears the gloves She'd be wearing That sticker Would be on the back of her
Starting point is 00:36:25 F-150 It'd say like Disney adult I think Shoot Like ACDC For I think she'd
Starting point is 00:36:33 Honestly gotta hate it Huh? I think she needs To date someone Who's not into Disney Really? Cause I think For the balance
Starting point is 00:36:41 Cause there's no Cause there's no balance Right? You lost Yeah And she would hate to be out Disney'd. Oh, I see. Because I brought up my baking dream and instantly she was like
Starting point is 00:36:52 That's fucked up though. It's insane to have that dream. Would it not be fucked up if my dream was to have Mickey put two fingers in my mouth until I fucking cum in Climax? Would that be insane to say? Wait, that would be a dope dream. That would be a fire dream that would be a fire dream
Starting point is 00:37:07 that would make me freaking cut my little head off with just his fingers in my mouth that would be insane that's powerful I don't know how he does it Mickey Minnie roleplay and that was your dream? tell me I'm not crazy I'd gas you up you need to have that dream before you meet her so it's like your thing
Starting point is 00:37:24 if you just the problem is you just suddenly wanted To bake like six months ago, and that was before I met her I said before you wish Mickey would fucking make me ejaculate and then we started dating that'd be fine Yes, but then while we start doing it. I can't even think about Mickey It's just her thing. I can't fantasize about one time ever cuz her thing. Yeah, she can't she like it's her She is allowed to I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it one time ever because of her thing. Yeah, she can't. It's her. She is allowed to fantasize. I'm thinking about it. Stop me.
Starting point is 00:37:46 She's allowed to fantasize about Mickey's hooded like a cobra penis. You can't control my thoughts. Mickey, I love the hood like in Kingdom Hearts. Yeah, he has a hooded penis like a cobra. It's just a foreskin. It can't all be like a cobra. I think cobras are cool. That's fair.
Starting point is 00:38:00 I want a hooded penis as well. You just got a foreskin. You could have had it. You did have it. I did let Woke take it from me. I came out without it. Think about me. I told the doctor no.
Starting point is 00:38:15 I grabbed his hand. Put a little baby in. I said not me. No way I'm letting another man touch my dick. I said blood chill on me. He was the original boss, baby. Yeah, you said to the doctor, pause. Hey, I'll pause.
Starting point is 00:38:32 Why do you want to do so bad? I came out in the low-tier god pose. Dude, there was a... I keep thinking about it. It was a long time ago when it was like masculinity takes Twitter accounts. And it was a screenshot of a guy genuinely saying, why are you as a man ordering fish?
Starting point is 00:38:52 And I'm like, there are dudes out there who are like, no, if you don't order like a raw steak at a restaurant, you're a pussy and you should kill yourself. I'm on that shit.
Starting point is 00:39:01 These are the people, this is the straw man. This guy can't be no no dude because because like i it links it to it sometimes and i i saw it i saw the guy defending and it's like this is it's just like ultra masculine i'm on this shit i'm telling you to do this yeah we're at a Mexican restaurant stop eating fish nothing but horse hair no i roll it up girls have hair i oh i roll it up and hair is not no horse hair. No. I roll it up. There's gay girls with hair.
Starting point is 00:39:25 I roll it up. Hair is not, no. Horse hair is no girl horses. Those are called ponies. Oh, that's so true. We fuck with mare hair, dude. Mare hair.
Starting point is 00:39:36 I don't like that. Can we go back? Before the horse bit. Okay, okay. So we're putting two fingers into the pie. I like that more. Soft and warm.
Starting point is 00:39:45 This feels like home to me. No, don't. Archie, do not show that. I don't want fucking fan cams. Stop. Stop it. Ew. God, you put us so deep in shit.
Starting point is 00:39:57 You're too open with your whole thing. You're the guy who wanted to take Viagra and do the pod. Yeah, I thought that would be really funny. But would you not think there'd be a fan cam of your little fucking dick why would we do that this is dude in our house this morning we were getting something fixed so there's there's two contractors coming really early and and my girlfriend has to wake up early to leave for her work at the same time and they've boxed her into the driveway with the van and she's like you have to you have to get them to pull out and i'm like i'm getting out of bed
Starting point is 00:40:30 i was asleep and i fucking put on a pair of shorts and i walk out to talk to the contractor and i realize as i turn the corner to talk to the contractor and zipper too that i i just have a boner you have a morning bone i have a morning in front of my girlfriend and I was like I just have and I'm like uh sorry you're gonna pull your car and I just try to like slip away oh my god I was like I just I was like a magic cartoon where he's walking through the door and his dick goes and they're all looking at it and it's like and it keeps going and they're like what? His dick pops out of it, and his head over it. Like Scooby-Doo. I was like, hey fam, hey fam. Because I'm asleep, and she's like, I'm going to be late for work. I need them to get out. And I'm like, okay, I'll get up.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Fucking, oh shit. I don't think I would ever make this mistake. I don't think I could ever lack awareness at this level. I don't think I could. It's beast. I don't think it's bad. I think it's cool. I'm hard so often
Starting point is 00:41:26 that it's hard for me to tell it apart. What a weird thing to add in. Oh my god. The tape came off. You're hard so often. I made that up. I feel better about it.
Starting point is 00:41:35 This actually happened. It sounds like I will be making this up. Me and Miles went to go take a walk because he's trying to get like 3k steps in. He needs 11k a day until the end of the month. Dude, he walks so much. He now needs 11 because he's trying to get like 3k steps he needs 11k a day until the end of the month dude he walks
Starting point is 00:41:46 so much he now needs 11 because of he's behind oh so we're walking and uh this guy comes up next to him next to us and he's like he's like a short dude i find out he's around 80 years old and the reason why is because i'm wearing my shirt that says papaya on it and he stops he's like this short mexican guy and he's like hey papaya like my wife ate papayas every single day and she lived to be 92 she's dead now and i'm like that's that's beast and he's like yep that's right and he's walking with us now and now we're sort of locked into this conversation and he just starts explaining stuff he's like you guys you guys know where to meet girls? And we're like, where, man? He's like, the library. That's kind of beast.
Starting point is 00:42:29 And he told us. He said, I was at the library, and this girl comes up to me, 19 years old, and she says, $20, I'll suck you. I'll suck you $20. Come outside. And he's like, okay, okay, $20. And he said, we went to a hotel room and i checked her id because i didn't want to go to jail he's telling all of us like he's
Starting point is 00:42:50 telling us this happened recently too yes this was like four days after his wife passed away like oh no no yeah yeah that's why he's walking around he's like you guys know this fucking library and he's and he's like so we have a wait till we get a hotel and i check and $20. She sucks me. And we were like, yeah. And then he's like, and we ended up dating for a year and a half. Oh my God. She lived in Bakersfield. She was my girlfriend. And we're like, oh, that's cool.
Starting point is 00:43:16 Well, $20. $90. He's 80 years old. $20. That's a high price for Bakersfield. Hold up. Let me do the math. 40 plus seven.
Starting point is 00:43:24 He's definitely not paying attention to the rule. The gap. Hold up. Let me do the math. 40 plus seven. He's definitely not paying attention to the rule. The gap's too large. The gap's too large. Yeah. TikTok, do your worst. Cancel that guy I met on the street. Dude. And he's explaining this.
Starting point is 00:43:36 And then we were like, damn, that's crazy. She was your girlfriend? He's like, yeah. We're like, okay. And he keeps walking with us. And he's like, and you know what? this is what i'm thinking about this lady he's like also every day i wake up i realize that i should be dead already and so that every day i wake up it's just extra and miles like oh yeah it's just like bonus right and he's like no it's extra and i'm like okay sure i'll sit in
Starting point is 00:44:00 him and he explains all this to us and he says And he finally turns to walk Into a Del Taco And we say goodbye And he hollers at us as we're walking past him And he says remember the library Okay I think he just puts on a wig And he pretends to be the 19 year old girl And he's trying to get 20 bucks from y'all
Starting point is 00:44:19 He peers up over the book Yeah He's like Hi I'm 19 I will suck your dick for $20 Yeah he basically said if you're looking for a Prostitute go to the library and also if you want To live until my wife did Eat papayas
Starting point is 00:44:34 Two unfounded pieces of wisdom It was crazy and me and Miles were just like Cause he already walked with Josh that day And he had to like help this old lady Get into her car who was like screaming he just had these side quests all day he just magnetized toward them so I mean
Starting point is 00:44:51 he does he does get those that's like his whole thing look look if you can make $20 but then go back to Bakersfield good value yeah yeah the exchange rates crazy it's like the Japanese yen two hours of work it's like Zimbabwe everyone there eats Denny's Yeah, the exchange rates crazy about your Japanese yen two hours of work
Starting point is 00:45:08 It's like Zimbabwe For all meals of the day God imagine getting rizzed up by an 80 year old man in the library I don't think that was raised Desperation I think he met a lady of the day Riz I don't think that is that is desperation from a 19 year lady of the day. Riz. I don't think that is, that is desperation from a 19 year old. But it's Riz. It's not Riz. It's not Riz.
Starting point is 00:45:30 It's not just Riz. Because he was probably charming in some way. You hung out with him and you brought up already a thing that he did that wasn't charming with the extra and the bonus thing. Weirdly enough, I was just like, what an interesting little man.
Starting point is 00:45:46 He's forthcoming. He was really tiny, too. He's certainly forthcoming. He was like 5'2". Yeah. It was crazy. He used to be taller, I imagine. Probably, because he's so old and you shrink.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Time goes. So, that's what I did. Yeah. That was my week. And don't talk to me until I have my tatvi. My tatvi. Oh, can I fucking... No.
Starting point is 00:46:11 That's fair. Aiden, get in on this. Get in on this. Don't eat them. I want you to spit at him. Stop! What is he doing? He's being Mickey Mouse. He's being crass. The hunger box thing. Oh, yeah. being Mickey Mouse. He's being crass. He's being it up. He's being crass. What were you gonna say? The Hunger Bucks thing.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Oh yeah. I just really, quickly, I think everyone who was, uh... Upset? Yeah, it was cringe. I also think that. I agree! Thank you! Thank you!
Starting point is 00:46:35 We're unanimous. Thank you. Can we... It's good for the game. As a people, can we just punch down? Can we just punch down? Do you say, no? No.
Starting point is 00:46:43 We can't. Can't punch down. That's one of the great responsibilities. Oh, you're talking about the Twitter thing. I'm talking about all of it. All of it? Wait, are you talking
Starting point is 00:46:50 about the tweet? It's okay. Here's the context. Hey, everyone. Context time. Context guy here. Can you pull up the Hungrybox pop-off?
Starting point is 00:46:56 It's on YouTube. Hungrybox pop-off on Get On My Level Twitter. Hbox wins a crazy game against another jigglypuff. He barely beats the 29th best player in the world, is like an embarrassing loss
Starting point is 00:47:06 If he loses and he clutches it up It's all true It's the first puff ditto he lost in like four years or some I don't actually don't think that's true either He's lost online twice okay, not online. It's been like years. So it's a tight. It's battles against SDJ from Texas. And it goes the last third. Huh? He's a great player. And then fucking Hbone wins the game.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Here it is right here. It's go to the very end. This is game one. It's a 30 minute set. It was lit, dude. I watched the whole set. This is kind of a banger set. Dude, there was almost no camping. It was riv dude I watched the whole set This is kind of a banger Dude there was almost
Starting point is 00:47:47 No camping It was riveting Yeah It was riveting No it was 30 minutes It was not riveting Also No you guys should be
Starting point is 00:47:52 I was locked in I was locked in I was watching this on stream I saw your stream You were playing daily games On the side Yeah Dude
Starting point is 00:47:58 Because you guys Because you guys expected it To be a bad set But it was actually Just a good set Filled with neutral Well Josh is a top 10 melee player in the world So I don't know what Josh also has like one of the worst opinions about melee
Starting point is 00:48:09 Which is what that like he finds half the shit like annoying and can't be except for like what he does now free one I know cuz they're all cringe the good players are great. Thank you. Their opinions are irrelevant. I just wanted to make that clear How come Ludwig you don't read my chat messages in your stream? I did. I did. I read it. I read it. No, I sent a different one. You didn't read it.
Starting point is 00:48:28 Oh, honest to God, it's really hard to read certain people's. He was playing a game with a map, and he said, I think it's Pakistan. And I said, I'm packing with stands. And he didn't even read it. I miss that. I would have chuckled. You said something else. Would I read it?
Starting point is 00:48:41 It's because you don't have a checkmark next to your YouTube channel. No, he's got like a gear. I'm the moderator. Alright, here it is. So- I'm a moderator? Look at this Bob-O. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Hi-yah! BOOM! So for the little audio listeners, HBox has thrown a chair- Onto the stage. Onto the stage. He picks it up again and he goes, No one. No.
Starting point is 00:49:01 No one. And then he stops himself from throwing it, and then he looks at- Your power is too great. Then he screams in the camera. Dude, that is sick. Yeah, with the most insane screen grab of all time. That's what I don't like the most. He kind of grabs SCJ's hand and shakes it and kind of yanks it down because he's so
Starting point is 00:49:15 hyped. I don't like that. That's probably the biggest problem I have with all this. I have no problem with any of this. To shake the man's hand normal. I think it's just good for the sport. I think this is good for the game. But he pops off and then people are on twitter because they don't like hbox they're like uh can we just like not fucking throw chairs and it's like okay
Starting point is 00:49:33 sure but then hbox quote retweeted some person saying a very small account who's like yeah that's the screen grab uh like a small account and they're like a to or something and he quote retweeted that and said suck my dick yeah he should have said shut up he should have said shut up or eat my shit that is the gender neutral sort of non-gendered insult way to do this i do this and then when people start arguing on your behalf on twitter you block them as punishment but juan would never do that because he needs it like mentally and emotionally so that was the mistake he used a sort of gendered thing to say against a uh like a woman on twitter which is bad but then people are like writing think pieces about it and i'm like look man let him
Starting point is 00:50:17 fucking throw chairs you invoice him and you tell him don't say suck my dicks i eat my shit all of this is solved easily he only should do, he should just have like a retainer, or like a deposit that he keeps with all tournaments. A pop-off deposit? And then right when he pops off, he can just break whatever he wants as long as it's under that value. Yeah. Also, I explained this to Jerry.
Starting point is 00:50:36 This happened at Wave Dash, the one in San Diego near the beach. And Juan like threw a chair and broke it. And I'm like, Jerry, this this is what you do here is you invoice Juan you say you have 30 days to pay this if you do not pay me I will go to Twitter and I will let everyone know and he'll get hate and I'll hate that and I'll make him pay and he's got bread he'll be fine or just gouge it you don't even oh dude the price of the brick Juan every chair you break gouge it from his from his get a premium on broken chairs
Starting point is 00:51:06 I think it's so fucking it's good man it's good I think he's excited we make his chair out of cake and then when he throws it it freaking goes and it's like and Marilyn Monroe comes out and she's like got her neck broken Jesus she was in the chair
Starting point is 00:51:22 she was gonna pop out and say, happy birthday, Zane. But, but, but X-Mox threw it really hard and she broke her neck. She's dead. That's, I loved that.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Give it up for our moist moguls. He likes it. Our moist moguls, one and only. Moist moguls. Let's hear it for our moist moguls. Yeah, I thought it was cool. I thought throwing the chair was cool.
Starting point is 00:51:42 I was like, hell yeah. It was a cool comeback. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I don't care. I actually throwing the chair was cool. I was like, hell yeah. Because it was a cool comeback. Yeah. And I was like, okay. I don't care. I actually, I don't share the opinion of like, this is like a lowly loss. I think like if anyone takes you close and you win, it's hype.
Starting point is 00:51:54 Yeah, sure. I just think it's funny. It's a reverse three up. Like one of his greatest pop-ups of all time is SCJ. Eh, I think it's valid. Like if you look through his career. You're, I think on the other end of the spectrum, you're like ultra like who cares maxing. If it's not like mango,
Starting point is 00:52:09 it'd be more valid if it's mango. I still think the pop-off is funny. I just think it's also funny. You just think it's more valid if it's mango. I think pop-offs come from different emotional places than just like how good the person is on the opposite end of the screen. Or not even necessarily mango,
Starting point is 00:52:24 just like where it is in bracket and stuff like I just had moments like the insane I like when he screams at the TV. Yeah after game. What is it to? I don't know what game was he just like he like It's Street Fighter you make him like do stuff like the versus screen like Hbox also in Street Fighter where you make him like do stuff in the like the versus screen they're like uh H-Walk's also um what was I gonna say I made that weird sound
Starting point is 00:52:52 and then I all my thoughts went away I think your sound was that weird yeah it was a fun moment good pop up so I think
Starting point is 00:53:00 my argument for this is some would be like well would we would we allow this if it wasn't like a top player? Like, yeah, dude, if you're on top eight stage and you throw a chair,
Starting point is 00:53:12 that's also funny. As long as you don't hurt someone. Real. As long as you don't damage, you don't throw any equipment, you don't throw it off the stage, you don't hurt anybody, you pay for it.
Starting point is 00:53:21 If he threw it into the crowd, that'd be a problem. I also think if I was the TO as somebody who loves this moment and thinks it's swag, I would also take the time to be like, awesome pop-off, sick win, next time. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. And if you do, I'm going to remember this conversation. But the people who are like instant ban, it's part of the fun.
Starting point is 00:53:43 I don't know. I feel like that should be part of the fun of watching a melee tournament Yeah, don't ever go to Final Destination cards and games in Carson, California circa 2017 don't That would kill a pilgrim they literally threw chairs as a celebration Yeah, like a religious like like the fucking crushing the wine glass at a bar mitzvah You guys like grants that? Granz was like maybe the best two sets of... No, I stopped watching. Dude, actually, okay, so actually what happened...
Starting point is 00:54:10 Dude, what? I don't care about Zayn-Jay moves. That was two of the best sets of melee I've watched in so long. They don't care about melee. Who cares? Yeah, you like Sheik. Oh, look what he did. He fucking Sheik. He walked. He waisted in there. Look, this is me. This is me saying that. That forward bear went by so good. Zayn's about to scream into the TV. This is such a high-level set. Look, this is me. This is me saying that. That forward bear up, that's all good. James wants to scream
Starting point is 00:54:25 into the TV. Dude, this is a high-level set. Listen, me and Josh, we woke up at the crack of 10 a.m. to miss half the top 32. Yeah. And then we watched
Starting point is 00:54:33 the rest of it. We watched top eight. It was really fun. We watched it on stream. And then when Mango lost against the Grants, we had to play Tekken. So we were like,
Starting point is 00:54:40 this is, we just have to, like, we don't really care that much about Zayn and Jameuk. Let's go play Tekken because of the tournament we did that day, like, we don't really care that much about Zayn and Jmook. Let's go play Tekken because for the tournament we did that day. And then, we watched it back
Starting point is 00:54:49 later on that night and we were like, okay, yeah, this is one of the greatest sets of all time. Dude, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:54:54 It was two of the best sets I've seen in so long. It was really hype. So, shouts out. That was a great tournament. It was a fucking, poor code.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Oh, I also won my tournament in the stage jam slam. I got first. I just saw that you tweeted that you got carried. I did. I don't know how it works.
Starting point is 00:55:08 How does that work? How do you get carried if you won? By the bear? So it's like a crew battle and it's like there's five people on a crew and you gotta win three of the five rounds.
Starting point is 00:55:17 We got first. We got... Be fair to your team. I got first. Okay. Did you win your match? Dude, I barely... No.
Starting point is 00:55:26 I got fucking rinsed by Josh three times. I got first. Okay. Did you win your match? Dude, I barely, no. I like, I got fucking rinsed by Josh three times. I had some great moments, but I was definitely the weak one. You didn't win a single match? Oh, I won a couple during the group stage. Okay. But not in bracket. I had to play fucking Joelman as Freaky Brian. I was off Tekken. How often is he playing? He stopped playing. Dude, he would wake up, play Tekken
Starting point is 00:55:41 for seven hours, practice combos, and then I would still rinse his ass. And then he would learn one simple trick, and then I couldn't beat him. What was the simple trick? It's called Orbital. It hops over lows and it punches my bare head. Bye. See you later.
Starting point is 00:55:56 That's cool. Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Well, congrats on your win. No, it was fun. I love that fucking game. I'm going to keep playing it. Josh, he woke up this morning right as I was about to leave and he was like
Starting point is 00:56:05 dude I just wanna wake up and play Tekken habitually he like doesn't like the game right now he wants to play Melee obviously it's his job but he's like he has been waking up
Starting point is 00:56:14 and just grinding for hours and he's like what about Shaheen who's like a really obscure Tekken character to like pick up he's
Starting point is 00:56:21 he's got fucking brain problems man he needs to go back to other games he does he got a new controller he's zumping he's got a c-pad he hates the fucking c-pad yeah well no no he got a new one with like a different clicky he showed not the one i saw at your house oh yeah yeah i said i hate this he goes i hate it too yeah but he can do like special ledge dashes that are special and it cost him $400. I Hate this world. We live in isn't it fucked man. You know Cody's control is $2,000. Yeah, that's not true
Starting point is 00:56:51 For what's not true? That's that just can't be Made by who by who by who who's who is going up to Cody? Yeah, two thousand It's like when Dean Dennis by crack. Yeah Like $200 and like okay There's one honest player left Zane. Oh Yeah, two thousand. It's like when D and Dennis buy crack. Yeah. It's like $200. I'm like, okay. There's one honest player left, Zane. Then he won.
Starting point is 00:57:11 $150 OEM. Where's Marth? No notches. He plays on the spark controller, right? No. No, sparks, they do. They both play on spark controllers. But spark controllers are OEMs.
Starting point is 00:57:21 There we go. Whatever. I don't care. Look. I don't care. I got fucking bigs. There we go. Whatever. I don't care. Look. I don't care. I got fucking big bread. Big. Yeah. We're talking about melee.
Starting point is 00:57:30 Because we like it. What are you going to do about it? I've been playing. I've been playing in Counter-Strike with these group of Oregon melee friends. A bunch. And we'll play melee here and there too. I've been playing against Yamasaki a bunch. Who's like one of the best players in Oregon right now.
Starting point is 00:57:47 Marth. Marth player. Yeah. And we play a lot of Sheik Marth. And what will happen is like we'll do a money match or a set. But the call has started to get in on it. And there's often like 10 people in the call. And they'll place like side bets.
Starting point is 00:58:01 But they all love yams. So they love betting on yams and i just bet on myself so it's me against yams and against the rest of the call while i'm in the call with them all chirping okay and this is devolved from mars chic which was really good practice into and and we're like going back and forth in mars chic which is really nice too so there's always like a little bit of an arms race but it has devolved into falco dittos oh god and i'm losing a lot of money and uh and it's like the i'm in the oregon thunderdome like this is the way i'm practicing my my mental is getting harassed by 10 people that go to a weekly called ass as one of the biggest locals in the country is it's like the second
Starting point is 00:58:45 biggest local in the United States it happens in Adams basement in Portland yep that's out ass how many people enter like 60 have like 60 people every Wednesday it's crazy it's bigger than Verdugo yeah dude it's legit juicy yeah um yeah if you should stop doing that. No, because eventually I will start beating Yams' Falco with my Falco. If you want some tips, go ahead, pull up Graves vs. Slime, battle a BC four or three. Dude, that stock keeps going up.
Starting point is 00:59:18 I'll tell you that much. I know. I'm the GOAT. I play Cuba. I realize my mom kind of screwed me over. By birthing you into this horrible planet wow for one
Starting point is 00:59:28 and then naming me Ludwig and then expecting me to be a piano player she expected that? she made me take piano lessons for like five years that is crazy it's like naming
Starting point is 00:59:38 Michael Jordan I've never seen you play a day in your life wait we have seen him play he practiced remember when he practiced a bunch at home he never practiced around me
Starting point is 00:59:44 I mean I don't do it because I didn't like super love it, but she made me play piano all childhood cuz you want to bake That's what this is your Eddie's million-dollar cook-off. Yes It's bald your mom well I guess both your leaders both your routes are like the game is like high school musical you don't have like the football route You just have piano and baking which is like she but isn't it fucked up to name your kid Ludwig and then be like, yeah, be a pianist. Like what is my, what is my best I can do is be the second best Ludwig. Hi, this is my new baby boy, LeBron James. Like what the fuck?
Starting point is 01:00:19 Yeah. Good luck playing basketball. It'll go very well for you. It's not a. It's not good. Yeah. I didn't know she she wanted that No, she was a pernilla
Starting point is 01:00:28 Nothing I Don't I mean that was the first right you is Normal I will say bro when when we look back at like the childhood books cuz she got she got like one of them childhood Picture books it's like first steps first crawl first word Do you get brutally mugged by your sister? My sisters is full like every single thing has a picture and then mine is like first crawl and it's like oh, there's me first step There's me and I was like first word. It's like the picture start like my school Skip for it's like yeah, it's like ninth grade
Starting point is 01:01:03 Remember I will do the what do you like panic at this? Stop pooping selfies like 14 Yes, she's gave up she's like this is the first kid we don't need two books. Oh That's okay. She loves your sister more. That's true. Oh, by the way. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I don't think my parents wanted anything from me. Like, I don't...
Starting point is 01:01:29 They never made me... They never, like, made me do anything. No, they wanted you to be a COD player. I think that's the one thing... I think your parents raised you bad.
Starting point is 01:01:37 I don't think that's true. No, they raised you well. You think they raised him well? I think so. I think he turned out well. What's the biggest lesson that you learned from your mom?
Starting point is 01:01:45 From my mom? From my mom. I also take that back, Nick's mom, if you're listening. I didn't mean that. You hold no weight in her life. He didn't mean that. I said I attacked how she raised her son. Yeah, and she didn't even care.
Starting point is 01:02:00 She scoffed. No. She said, what do you know? We'll talk later. probably kindness next mom i think i'd be a lot rougher around the edges if not for my mother she taught you to be kind i think i think i i have always felt really you know like secondhand embarrassment when people made fun of or someone's not being listened to i think i've always been really sensitive to that i think it's because of her that's cool He also taught him how to install the third party application. You need to run hop hog If you sprint in midair it does a different animation sniper rifle
Starting point is 01:02:43 Oh, we have to issue a formal apology to Zac Efron. Oh, yeah, we got it wrong. I actually felt bad about this. We got it wrong. Actually, Ludwig can do it for us. Yeah, Ludwig?
Starting point is 01:02:54 Please. Can you apologize, please? You're the leader. It's your podcast, Efron. I'm assuming you guys made fun of Zac Efron for his face and you assumed
Starting point is 01:03:03 it was some personal desire to look like that, as opposed to the reality that he had an accident in his reconstructive surgery? This is just off the top of what you guys would say. This doesn't sound like us. You guys are probably, like, weirdly harsh on how he looks. Nope. And made fun of him in his physical appearance.
Starting point is 01:03:19 I actually don't have anything to apologize for now that I think about it. Is this right? His name is Zac Efron? No K. Isn't that weird? I don't know it I don't know it. That's what I think happened. Which one's that? Is that in the apps? Is this what happened? Contacts application. Yeah, that's fine. That's pretty much exactly what happened. You guys love making fun of people and then also how they look. Uh, yeah
Starting point is 01:03:42 Yeah, because that one guy commented on your video in Uh, yeah. Yeah, because that one guy commented on your video in friggin' 2020 and said I look like Clint Stevens if he was put in a washing machine. And now I'm hurt, and I have the Harry Potter scar. And I touch it, and I'm like, I have to hurt others. No, since the sixth grade you've been doing this. I have to hurt other. You've been hurting since the sixth grade. No.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Since the sixth grade I was playing Nazi zombies. Oh, online you were talking real nice, real sweet? Yeah, I was like, hey guys, let's make sure we build the windows back up because it's harder for them to get back in. Nocturne Totem, so fun. Hey, I bought the first door. Can you buy the second door? That actually was me. I 100% believe that. He gets a bad mystery box
Starting point is 01:04:18 gun. He's like, dude, the odds are fucked, man. On the river? How do you get there? Well, thank you, Ludwig, for issuing that apology. Thank you. From you specifically. You have to own up to it, too. We sent a text message that said,
Starting point is 01:04:34 this week you guys have to talk about this. And we thought it was weird. But I do what the director says, you know? When group leader says it at the TikTok Riz party. We do like to make fun of people. Yeah. We had William Osmond on recently. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:48 Dipper 3 listened to this episode and she said, I was 15 minutes in and I thought you guys were just doing the goon commander voice. Dude, no way. She didn't know there was a guest. He does not sound like that. I get where she's coming from. And I was like, oh. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:05:07 I also like that your girlfriend, if she had never met you, that sentence would not be in her arsenal. Oh, yeah. Ever. No, she's seeing new colors. Yeah. Wonderful. Because she is now saying the goon commander voice as like a normal thing to refer to.
Starting point is 01:05:23 Yeah. Oh, that makes me me that makes me happy beautiful gooning's big gooning's so big it's so big right now it's so it's having a moment mewing is big and it's like but it's like wash big yeah well i think they sell mewing stock buy gooning stock still gooning is just more of a classic yeah true like you know what i mean well this is it for can you pull up sundy on YouTube? You know this guy? No. He's like a big YouTuber.
Starting point is 01:05:47 A bunch of people will be like, Dude, Sundy, man, I was raised on his videos. Like they'll type that in these comments even. Okay. Cause I brought him up. But if you look, he does only Among Us content. Okay. And he's been doing Among Us content still.
Starting point is 01:05:59 Wait, if you're raised on Among Us content, how old are these people? He used to do different stuff, but he pivoted. Now go to videos. Oh shit. Oh this guy. 26 go to videos. Oh, shit. 26, 23 million? I've seen this profile picture. Scroll down a little bit. Blood destroys you.
Starting point is 01:06:12 Dude, 28k views in 20 minutes. Go down to the mewing one. That's pretty good. And can you just play the first 15 seconds of this? Today in Among Us, we're mewing. Everyone is racing to max out their mew meter. And as the imposter, I need to slow the others down Can I become the mewing what happened to fucking
Starting point is 01:06:36 Arsonist is this a mod? Far gone a mo Gus has got You haven't kept up with among us this is where they're at right now. Is the mewing meta. That's crazy. And then all the comments are brutal. What is, what is, hold on, what is mewing? The comments?
Starting point is 01:06:58 Dude, I don't think I know, I thought I knew what it was, but I don't think I know what it is. Mewing is just holding your jaw in a certain way that makes it's thought to make your muscles in your face, like, make your face more masculine looking. Wait, I thought this is gurning. Or whatever the fuck Josh was saying. No, gurning is just making a goofy face, and they call it that because they call things budgie smugglers and dingo bears.
Starting point is 01:07:21 That's just a word they make because they're bored. I thought gurning was when you do the when you're chewing the thing. No, this is an Australian thing. It's- Jesus. But mewing, yeah. Deliberately destroying your facial expression by projecting your lower jaw forward and up. See?
Starting point is 01:07:35 It's a gurney drill. I see why it conflated. Oh, that's gurney. That's gurney. They're similar. Gurney's frame their face inside a horse collar. So yeah, mewing is just supposed to like make your face look stronger It's one of those like red pill things
Starting point is 01:07:47 Like hunter eyes You heard of that too? No You kind of like You kind of like dip your brow forward And it's called hunter eyes And it makes you look like you're fucking alpha That's what Zayn was doing
Starting point is 01:07:57 When he almost forced Doc Jameis Yeah He's actually doing that What are you doing? What's that? You look like you're You're just handsome You look like you have gumballs in your mouth and you don't want me to know.
Starting point is 01:08:08 You look like a witch. The scan of you Oh my god. The scan of your face on the unpaid intern set looks like the fucking Chad meme. The one at my funeral was me mewing. Yeah, you're mewing in that.
Starting point is 01:08:24 That's a crazy picture The funeral picture When you respected my death Yeah And what not I respected it No cause every time you do it You do that
Starting point is 01:08:33 What is Exactly Help me Anytime you try to do face It's handsome squidward Handsome squidward is mewing It's handsome squidward You think I'm handsome
Starting point is 01:08:40 No no you're not doing The handsome squidward I think you're handsome You're doing like duck lips Let me explain something That I'm putting together at this very moment right now okay we all have strong chins we have never needed to mute excuse me i don't know if i call it strong here let me see your profile it's strong enough yes it's you know we have we have powerful chin i think we have passing chins. I wouldn't call them powerful.
Starting point is 01:09:06 Okay, I have a powerful chin, I'm just telling you. But we've never had to encounter a Mewing. I don't know, you look like... We've never had to... Here's the thing. Dude, Matt and I look like that all the time. Jesus Christ. Imagine this was our friend. You look like a steel worker in the 1920s.
Starting point is 01:09:19 He looks like the guy who blows up in Breaking Bad. He looks like he's sticking out for us. What murder? You're not supposed to just have an... Dude, you look exactly like the guy who blows up in Breaking Bad. It feels like he's sticking out far. What murder! You're not supposed to just have an undisputed... Dude, you look exactly like the guy who blows up in Breaking Bad. In the wheelchair. Oh yeah! Uncle Salamanca.
Starting point is 01:09:32 . . . Dude. What was his name? Off by all memory. Not Gustavo. Uncle Salamanca. Hugo Salamanca. I, yeah, Hugo Salamanca. You saw a monk. I think Zipper call you when you walk in here. I'm blowing half your face off
Starting point is 01:09:53 Break I have two questions. Okay for you first one When's D&D look me stop asking that in public? You keep answering in public Well, yeah, it's the problem. I don't want to answer in public. I made a whole right up to the discord about it What'd you say? What are you doing for the people not on the discord? No one's done this before What the fuck? Okay. I'm actually with it. I just want to sit on the floor freaking me out. It's kind of sick I like it. This is what drugs do to you. Yeah, this is what your mind I'm more. I came back from EDC. So I'm grounding. I'm more in touch with the fake grass
Starting point is 01:10:30 Yeah, that's blowing your fucking mind right now. Yeah, we're close We're close. It is super close. It's super close. You could go in the chat. You can see it's very close Yeah, see what there's like a progress meter like dominoes. Yeah, I know Enrique is finishing your D&D or You know what else means shake we're doing a DC spreading heinous rumors about shake about who just kept Loudly talking about how there was a cholera outbreak in the VIP water The whole time I love it getting up to some shit just trying to spread the cholera. Yeah whole time i love like getting up to some shit just trying to spread the cholera yeah this would be the best edc ever if there was no if there was just no cholera in the vip water
Starting point is 01:11:10 it would have been the best one and i really really wanted to tweet it and i was like dude if this like breaks out of my sphere it's bad it's bad i got you well it's too late i heard there was cholera at edc because because now it's good when it's there because then there's panic for the people who want the water it's over but now it's over so people will just maybe check if they have cholera but that was the joy of doing it a little bit because it's it's people people panic for a second but then as soon as you you know the situation. You might have one person not drink the water. Just the VIP water? The GA water was clean.
Starting point is 01:11:49 Oh, also, you know why I'll always be a better friend than you? Because you wouldn't buy Miles a VIP EDC ticket, and I would do that without a second thought. Okay. I want you to always remember that. That's sure. That's fine. Well, let's rewind, maybe. Okay. Because I don't think slime values money. He'll remember that. That's sure. Yep. That's fine. Well, let's rewind, baby. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:07 I don't think slime values money. He'll eat that. He's now he's eating. Yeah, that's true. Let's not say it like VIP was the barrier. The normal ticket is like 300, $400 cheaper. Would you have gotten him that? The GA ticket?
Starting point is 01:12:20 Yeah. No, I wouldn't have done that. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. No, I wouldn't have done Iron Man. That's fair. That's fair. You have different worldviews. Never forget, guys. You have different worldviews. I buy Miles breakfast like every morning.
Starting point is 01:12:35 Oh, so he didn't earn it. Yeah. What did Miles ask for that you wouldn't buy? A car. You know how actually, if we're in a competition. What could Miles ask for that you wouldn't buy? A car. You know how, actually... That's expensive. If we're in a competition of who is Miles' friend between me and you,
Starting point is 01:12:54 you fucking handed him a locked, dead phone and put zero effort into unlocking it and said, if you can figure this out, you can use it. I have been working on this for a week straight. It's your job. You get paid. You get paid. You paid you get paid it's not my job it's not my job draw a salary for it i wouldn't draw a salary for it so i wouldn't do it so wait you wouldn't help out your friend unless you got paid for it i would just i would just buy him a new phone if he asked me but he didn't yeah because that's not effort that's yeah i'm solving the effort to use it
Starting point is 01:13:21 you're solving the problem with money. You're solving the problem with money. You're everything you said about Ludwig. It's actually true. I've thought about this a lot. You're on Ludwig mode. I'm more willing to solve problems with money because it's easier and faster. Then do you think that is the signifier of a better friend? I don't know. The answer is no.
Starting point is 01:13:38 Oh. I can tell you I've been here. I think you, Aiden, congratulations. I think you've won. No, you're going to lose. You're going to lose if you do that. Don't bite it. Okay, you lose just because I think you got problemsiden, congratulations. I think you've won. No, no, you're gonna lose. You're gonna lose if you do that. Don't bite it. Okay, you lose just because I think you got problems from the drug sale. Ew, you're licking it.
Starting point is 01:13:51 It's funny that I'm the one going through actual withdrawals and you're on the floor licking wires. I know what it's like for you, man. I'm down here. Oh, second question. Oh my god. What? Idea. It's an idea okay a year ago I did a stream
Starting point is 01:14:07 yeah where I sold a bunch of my stuff in a yard sale yeah yeah what if we do a collective yard sale of stuff
Starting point is 01:14:16 yeah oh that'd be so dope I remember workshopping this back when I worked for you didn't I say this yeah I remember this I did this I'm just saying
Starting point is 01:14:23 do the thing I did and didn't you say it was bad? No, I literally did this. It has to be charity? Yeah. That was what you said? Yeah. Well, my thing I pitched way back was like a QVC type stream.
Starting point is 01:14:35 Live auction bidding, QVC, rotating thing, funny graphics. High effort. Is that me? Oh, so. Are you going to put in the effort? No, I'm not saying us. I that me? Oh so. Are you gonna put in the effort? My fault. No I'm not saying us, I'm saying that that was. I would love to do like the, like the, uh, what's the word?
Starting point is 01:14:52 Like access, public access, fuckin' jewelry sale. QVC. This is what I just described but using a different word which is QVC. Yeah but he doesn't know what it is so I'm putting it into words that are stands. He just said it because he understands it. What does it stand for? You know Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe? Yeah. He used to be a QVC salesman
Starting point is 01:15:16 which basically meant... What does it mean? His job was to sell goods on... Just look up QVC just so aiden can see this you know there's like uh chinese influencers who just sell shit on tiktok all the time yeah it's like that but for tv it was the network yeah and then you would call the number and then you'd buy the thing it's all rotating chapsticked it dude this is how this works. Yeah, and the retail value, and then the QVC price, and then you call them, and easy pay.
Starting point is 01:15:49 South Park spoofed this. It was really funny. Because they call up the guy and convince him to shoot himself. Speaking of which. Because he's exploiting old people. Did you guys see that we have a mainland Chinese viewer? No. Yes.
Starting point is 01:16:00 Yeah. Yes. I win. I don't believe any of them. I win. No, I believe him. I think they're all from, like, Minnesota. We have a viewer who currently lives in Iraq.
Starting point is 01:16:09 Yeah, we have a rock. We have a rock. He DM'd me. We have a rock in Iran. The two genders. We have Iran? Mm-hmm. What?
Starting point is 01:16:18 What's that? He's grieving right now. They're grieving. They're grieving. They're grieving. They're always going through it. They're also grieving about the subterfuge that we did that fucked up their plutonium. How's our UN going?
Starting point is 01:16:33 They're mad about that. We started it. Oh, yeah. I haven't checked in. It's kind of gathering. What is this? It's interesting. So we had an idea for taking one person who listens to the yard of every country and putting
Starting point is 01:16:43 them in a model UN in the discord. The yard model UN. And we have one representative. It's a cute idea. Yeah, they them in a model UN in the discord. The yard model. And we have one representative. It's a cute idea. Yeah. They're going to make real life decisions. We're going to give them decisions and they'll vote. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:16:52 And do they have like deliberations and what have you? I don't. Anime again. Don't watch this. They have fiery debates. Okay. It's a really bad idea. I was thinking about it.
Starting point is 01:17:01 I was like, it could get really bad. Oh yeah. It would. It would. Absolutely. That's the joy of it. Because the people who watch this don't all have the same opinions. But we'll about it. I was like it could get really bad. Oh, yeah. It would. It would. Absolutely. That's the joy of it. But we'll moderate it. We shouldn't. We won't. I won't.
Starting point is 01:17:12 That also. We will represent America. AI. Neutral. Neutral AI. We tell, we get chat to be team. We say you are neutral. You have no biases. Moderate this chat. But you are neutral you have no biases moderate this chat but you know
Starting point is 01:17:26 you can give it instructions but like also woke is the enemy and woke is the enemy and America's number one and we get really the horny AI the new horny one
Starting point is 01:17:34 oh the horny AI oh yeah because it can do adult stuff the horny AI there's a really horny sounding AI and she'll be like she'll be like
Starting point is 01:17:41 what do you think Iran should you stop trying to manufacture uranium And she'll be like, what do you think, Iran? Should you stop trying to manufacture uranium? That's how she sounds like Manas the Mon. Do you like my yard sale idea? Yeah. Let's do it. Is this a stream?
Starting point is 01:17:59 Yeah, we all get a bunch of your fucking shit. Where do we do it? We do it here. Do people come? Are people going to come here? No, it's online. Oh, it's a stream. You bid. What shit? And then we ship shit? I No, it's online. Oh, it's a stream. You bid.
Starting point is 01:18:06 What shit? And then we ship shit? I got a bunch of shit. I'm sure you got shit. You want to do this for all of our collective stuff instead of just Ludwig Anders. Yes. Do you think we have that much stuff? I think you have some stuff.
Starting point is 01:18:17 I've got some stuff. I got plenty of shit. If you have five things, it's enough. Oh. You don't need like 50 things. Nick has like 20 Xbox 360s. Not true. It's lies about my friend. Yeah, it's like fucking it. You don't need like 50 things. Nick has like 20 Xbox 360s. Not true. It's lies. It's about my friend.
Starting point is 01:18:27 Your friend. It's like 17. We got a bunch of shit and there's also shit that like we can make too. Like we can sign some stuff. I don't think people care about this shit.
Starting point is 01:18:36 You're dumb as fuck. You're dumb as motherfucker I've ever seen in my damn life. Okay. Yeah, maybe first place. But you gotta put three letters down. I think people care
Starting point is 01:18:43 because I'll put P so that'll be funny people might not care if it's like for profit it's less enticing it's for chair baby yeah if we're just trying
Starting point is 01:18:52 to make bread and we're like hey we're gonna sell stuff to you buy it for a market I agree I don't know if you're saying this exactly
Starting point is 01:19:00 but it needs a twist I'm saying twist I'm not saying that I'm saying he's saying only people care and I'm saying I think the idea needs a twist I'm saying I'm not saying that I'm saying he's saying only people care and I'm saying I think the idea
Starting point is 01:19:07 needs a twist I need a twist I need a twist twist that I think the the hollowness of this Ludwig twist my little dick
Starting point is 01:19:14 I would do I actually touched your penis earlier today I thought you twisted his heart what are you fucking laughing does your mouth okay
Starting point is 01:19:20 I touched your penis earlier today don't use that with your tongue twist my little dick you gotta chill out everyone's freaking out right now everyone's freaking use that with your tongue. Twist my little dick. You gotta chill out. Everyone's freaking out right now. Everyone's freaking out!
Starting point is 01:19:28 Two in my mouth and twist my little dick. Do you think this is a weird week? Twist my little balls and penis. I think that... God damn it, I forgot what I was gonna say. What if Ryan is lame? It's because of the cement! It's the cement in his head! Search for lean, please. The cement's gonna sink us all.
Starting point is 01:19:45 I'm on a search for lean. Oh. The cement's gonna sink us all. Cement! Cement! I wanna search for lean. Oh god, yes, that was good. It was good. Uh, you were saying he's a twist, and he's hollow. Oh, I think it's hollow because I think you just wanna get rid of shit, and you're trying to like say, We just did a yard sale! No, you just wanna get rid of shit. Put it in a fucking dumpster and get rid of it.
Starting point is 01:20:02 You- No, I think it's less hollow to give things to people and then have the money go to charity than it is to like sell your items for value to yourself or throw it away but like he's only doing this because he's like looks at the pile of debris and he's like we'll go to get it
Starting point is 01:20:17 last time I made 100k for charity to what charity? oh no this is make a wish that is now a drug cartel front. So, okay, you were going to say that for the first one. Yeah, you were going to say that for the first one. You just kept going. You kept going.
Starting point is 01:20:31 No. Is it not him? No. You said it all. No, because the other one was pedophile shit. No Kid Hungry? No Kid Hungry is a ring. Don't say that.
Starting point is 01:20:41 Please. He works for them. Take it back. I really liked them. Yeah, no, because they send you a damn letter every damn week. I used to have to check your mail. They're a great organization. Can we get some more money, Ludwig? For the island?
Starting point is 01:20:53 It's not an island. The No Kid Hungry Island. They have a building like a company does. There are four stars on Charity Navigator. That's pretty good. It's the best. Charity Navigator. It's only out of four? It's like Roger Ebert? It's out of four. It's like Roger Ebert. It's out of four. It's like Roger Ebert. Let's be the first five star.
Starting point is 01:21:08 There's no fifth star. Michelin five star charity. We also don't have a charity. We can start one. We can start a charity. We would be at one star. The Yard Charity. The Yard Child Pageant Charity for kids, but also for adults that need stuff.
Starting point is 01:21:21 Also, it's for adults. It's the charity for adults for kids. You know? Because that's who we're supporting, but they don't get to come. No. They also don't have income, so they can't really donate or anything. The Yard Adult Charity.
Starting point is 01:21:38 Can you look up the word Yard? On Charity Navigate, you're just trying to see if someone... Are we on there? You're just trying to buy them out? Yard Boys and Yard Girls Residential just try to buy them out yard boys girls residential We need to take them down yard Inc. That's what we need to take down There's two yard incorporated foundation our charities have stars That one's in LA yard theater We don't fuck with theater we have been to the art theater, I didn't know they were charity what the hell
Starting point is 01:22:00 fuck with theater. Oh yeah, wait, we have been to the art theater. I didn't know they were a charity. What the hell? We need to, we need to do something about all these charities.
Starting point is 01:22:08 We do need to, we do need to take them down one by one. Okay, so sorry. I said we should make a charity fundraising event and you guys have pivoted to, we should take down these charities. Well, they had it too good for too long. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:17 You can't let them get away with it. They don't even have stars. They're getting away with it. I don't think they're getting away with anything. What are we doing? We're fucking podcasting. We're sitting on our damn ass. Our damn asses.
Starting point is 01:22:26 You want to take them down. Yeah. Our charity could support. What could it support, Aiden? Kids. Kids, right? Because we love kids. Who are facing untimely.
Starting point is 01:22:37 Untimely. Deaths. That is already. What else could be untimely? Untimely. I have a good charity. Okay. The charity for kids and adults who got circumcised but regret it.
Starting point is 01:22:48 And it's the foreskin re-edition charity. And then we have a regraph booth at the... Yes. We have the regraph booth. It's at every college in America. God. And then a kid walks out and it's like, wait a minute. I got the surgery, but...
Starting point is 01:23:02 And then Aiden walks out and he goes goes whose skin do you think it was? No, Harry Styles hug. Yeah, and Aiden's just full of patches Yeah He looks like Sally from from Night before Christmas. He's got a big bandit on his butt. Uh-huh. He's I put my butt on your penis Yeah, save your life. What's that show, that HBO show about the scaffolding? The Wire. How To With John Wilson. How To With John Wilson. Have you seen the circumcision
Starting point is 01:23:30 episode? Yes. Dude, how to... Zipper, can you search how to John Wilson circumcision man? Or foreskin man? There's a guy who's trying to get his foreskin back and he invented this like device that like grabs your foreskin and pulls it all day.
Starting point is 01:23:47 It's like, it's like jelking, but is there a word in there for that? It's like, yeah, it's like outer jelking. It's like in Photoshop when you only do the outer layer. Outer glow. And he, and dude, it's like this device and a lot, because it's on HBO, like, you can just, it's so much of his, like, he's like, his cock and because it's on HBO, it's so much of his cock is just in this machine at all times. It's so crazy. See, this is what we could help with our charity. How to John Wilson foreskin man.
Starting point is 01:24:18 I think it's a thing. Outside of John Wilson's show? No, foreskins coming back so it's called TLC tugger less people are cutting it TLC tugger
Starting point is 01:24:31 yeah the knob oh the guy made an it's called the foreskin restoration anthem
Starting point is 01:24:36 so he wrote a song about getting it back see they're I'll get back with mine yeah they've done a lot grow it back this is foreskin restoration he looks like chris hansen if he grew up older even older than he is now dude this is who this
Starting point is 01:24:54 is who jack conti wants to help that is that uh yeah the tlc tuggerger But it's really I just wanted to see that guy's weird again Dude, we should have a booth at VidCon Get it back booth For kids No, for adults Like a skin graph circumcision This is what we should do at OpenSauce Yeah
Starting point is 01:25:19 What if it's a robot that does it We automate the process Here's another fucked up booth idea Oh my god I love you, Mosby! What if it's a robot that does it? We automate the process. Here's another fucked up booth idea. Oh my god. Okay, yeah, yeah. So, you put it on the- so yeah, it's a strap that ties to under your knee, and it just pulls your foreskin out. So presumably when you walk, it like pulls way harder? Dude, this is-
Starting point is 01:25:39 Like way, way harder? Is this- Yeah, this is crazy. This is remarkably Similarly named To the thing And I think you should leave Yeah
Starting point is 01:25:48 To the TC Tucker Yeah You should watch this Episode of How to a John Wilson Is that real? It's riveting It's real
Starting point is 01:25:54 Oh wow Cause the guy's been Working on it for years Did it work? You know it's hard to say It looks weird Does he like at the end Like yeah I did it
Starting point is 01:26:02 My penis is back I mean he has to say It makes my circumcision Oh he's trying to sell it Oh yeah it's like his business He's selling the TLC tugger I mean you can't just walk up to John Doe in the street and say hey I hear you've been circumcised That's right
Starting point is 01:26:15 You could that's what we're doing at VidCon booth It is most of what we're doing I can't wait for open sauce What about an open sauce tattoo booth And we just give people tattoos that live on their body forever. Oh, I'm down. We utilize our power as celebrities to coerce people to do things they don't usually want to do. And they live with a scar forever from the memory.
Starting point is 01:26:37 But also we film it and then we monetize that. And then we monetize the content. Oh my God. Dude. Okay. This is so cool. And then if they don't like it, we can use their skin and graft it onto penises
Starting point is 01:26:47 and then it's like stylistic foreskins. You know what I like more than this? Same idea. We spin a wheel and it's a 50-50 split wheel. If it lands on our side, you tattoo us. And if it lands on your side, we tattoo you. Wow.
Starting point is 01:27:02 See, so many people would spin it lose then be like ah No, they sign up legally binding contract. I don't think you can't make them do that Yes, we can we can tackle them and then do it. I can make anyone do it We tickle more they get the tattoo is getting better I don't think they're in this I would keep this between us. Okay, let's just keep it between us. Do you think our fans are ticklish? What?
Starting point is 01:27:37 I don't know what to find out. Who in that damn model of you is most ticklish? Who is it? Which creator is the most ticklish? Dude, which creator has the most ticklish fans? Come one, come all Carl Jacobs bogs us Coming in at number three, Niall Redd You wouldn't fake it
Starting point is 01:28:00 with all he makes, these little gizmo critters are ticklish Dude, Linus Tech Tips are like gamers nexus and it's just this fucking 299 pound neck beard and just tickling him. His laugh's like a monkey.
Starting point is 01:28:16 Alright guys, we're leaving in the premium episode. We will be sitting on the floor and Aiden will be hung from that tree in Minecraft. Dude, I thought you just meant my penis. But that is so much. You'll technically also be hung. It will be an auto-erotic moment.
Starting point is 01:28:31 Rigor mortis, you will be hard. What is this? This is for the boys. No, that's gonna hurt me. I don't want it. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt me. I was right.
Starting point is 01:28:40 I was right. Archie, you can use that as a sink point. Okay, the reverse. Alright, see you later, bye.

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