The Yard - Ep. 180 - Our Naughtiest Moments of 2024 (ft. Santa)

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

This week, the boys are joined by Santa! they talk about whether the yard have been naughty or nice, Santa's thoughts on the Grinch & Krampus, and we tell Santa our naughtiest moments... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, I shouldn't have let the thighs out bro. I was reading the comments of uh, because we did the pod with trash taste They were really taken aback by my thighs we did the pod with Trash Taste, they were really taking it back by my thighs. Really? When? Because we did like four months ago maybe? Oh, not us? No, just me, but we did it on the yard set. On the yard set? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, bro. And they weren't expecting your Christmas ham? And they weren't. I'm taking it back by your thighs. But like, our viewers at this point, they're like... Oh yeah, they're numb. They're like, they're numb.

They have a little piece of tape on their monitor. Dude, is your... Where your thighs are. Because I forget the first year I was gripped out. Yeah, you're like they're numb. They have a little piece of tape on their monitor Dude, your eyes are cuz I forget the first year. I was grips out Yeah, you're gonna tell your one. I was grips out and after that they're like, it's Ludwig's fucking hams You're the trash chase yours. Dude, if you cooked your thighs, they would be like the meat in Castlevania that heals you First you're like me right now, man I mean you're good dude. You know, it was like take these away from first. You're like me right now. I mean, you're a dude.

You know, it was like, take this away from me. We're the same. Don't you say mean you get to admit that. My I'm not. You're fat at the end of the last podcast recording. Anthony is shoveling doughnuts into his day. Old doughnuts. They were from yesterday. Where the day olds.

And you kept saying, I'm having a day old. And I'm having a day old. I'm having a day old right now. He's second donut in, third donut in hand, mouth stuffed going, shit if I do it, shit if I do it. And you, for some reason, were annoyed by this, which is fucking annoying to me. I think- I pay quarter the rent in this fucking single space. I think I just see you, you know, you make guys guys

Let's not start bickering the end of the year and this year we got to find out. I'm a little worried What why you've been a little naughty? I don't think Santa's gonna come this year. Don't say that Well, no, I just I think I'm gonna stop believing soon You can't not believe in Santa. In fact. I think I hear him right now There's probably music playing Santa! Oh wow! Merry Christmas! Aiden! Oh! Merry Christmas! Sit down Santa! The microphone is too far from you. Santa! You're not talking to the microphone!

Merry Christmas! Aiden and Woodwick and Swann! Yeah! And Nick! Why was I last? That was a weird... It's Santa! What do you got there?

Why is such a small sack? Get... It's a little... Dude, I didn't buy it. Whoa! Your sack looks like it has hard g I didn't- Dude, I didn't buy it. Your sack looks like it has hard lumps in it. Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa don't have to do it. What's up, bro? Welcome. Welcome to the Yard Podcast. Thanks for coming, Santa.

What was your old handle? Santa Smokes Mid. Santa Smokes Mid. You had an older one. You were black last year. That's not me. So there's more than one Santa? Say Nick88, dude. I don't know. Yeah, there's one one one and only. Nick. Two Knicks.

Right. He kept telling Alex or Santa kept telling me yeah I'm gonna ask Chappie chat GPT what Santa Laura is. I fell asleep and didn't do it but I got some. And then he fell asleep and didn't do it. The average college student right now just I didn't type it into chat GPT. Dude that's a different level of laziness because it does it for you. Yeah, but how you are you know a lot about Santa. I feel like we know what you know about him. If you had, you know, you're Santa. Tell us. Tell us.

Yeah, tell us. Tell us. Do you know yourself? Yeah, partly. Yeah, I've been alive for thousands of years. Is that true? You talk to that. You're talking to that? North Pole. North Pole 1. You've got mouths to feed, so you're feeding a bunch of elves. You got a whole bunch of people working for you.

You feed the elves. Yeah, you take care of them. It's like a city. You seen Polar Express? No, I haven't. They feed. So you got to feed them? Go watch that. Go watch the Autobot. It's on my double. Polar Express.

It's seen in Polar Express when they go down to the chow hall. It's a whole city, dude. And they have a sewer system. They have apartments, all that. There's aqueducts. Do elves also just work on sanitation? Someone's gotta clean the sewer system of the elves when they take shits and pee. Yeah, I don't think elves are...

I don't think they just solely work in the workshop. I feel like they probably like maintain the city too. to there's like an elf coffee shop, right? Do you need a coffee shop? Yeah, dude, you're Santa. You can't be saying probably you're asking questions Like a Ludwig version of Santa like My job I pay for the presence the fucking mayor of the North Pole What is it some Some elected elf? Yes, there's local elections, but I'm saying it's different.

I do my job. I mean, that'd be good, because if it was a multi-thousand year dictatorship where one guy controlled a subservient group of people called elves. Hmm. Well, this is a good idea. We have a society who we have subservient.

You already have sexist one. don't be the racist one. Yeah, you gotta pump the brain. It's different when it's a different space. What do you mean it's the North Pole? What does that mean to you? It's the North Pole, it's different. There's different rules. This is the same thing the Europeans thought when they went to other continents. It's like the ocean, like you can kill there. Yeah, there's no land in the North Pole, it's just solid ice.

There's no land in the North Pole. It's just solid ice. There's no land That's a fact I look up North Pole facts like two nights ago Did you do that before we asked you to do this? I lived there for a long time, but I just want to know this is before It's not as cold as you think in In the summers, it can get up to 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Is ice not land? Huh? Is ice not land? Famously not.

I think it's technically that you're standing on it. Is it ice? I don't think land is things you can stand on. I can stand on you. Oh, but I'm not land. You can stand on ice. You can't sit there. Oh, okay.

That's what you're saying. I'm on your team here, just to be clear. So what else is going on in Santa World? So there's like sewers and mayors. And there it is. Oh, okay, that's what you were saying. I'm on your team here, just to be clear. So what else is going on in Santa World? So there's like sewers and mayors. What is that tiny little bag you're holding? That's coal. You got coal?

Yeah. Oh God. Why do you have that, Santa? Well, you wouldn't need to use that here. Because some of you guys have been bad. Bad as hell. No. Like in the good ass way?

Like Sidney Sweeney's bag? There's a front runner. I think I'm sitting beside him. Ludwig Gronkowski motherfucker. Hey! I don't know. Santa, I heard that you prepared a naughty list for us. Did you know that you did that? I did it on PowerPoint.

Santa, you used PowerPoint? Santa uses Microsoft Office? Santa uses Microsoft Office, yeah. Santa should surprise you for a bit. Elf Zipper, did Santa bring something for us? Microsoft office? Santa uses Microsoft office, yeah Did Santa bring something for us? Oh, it's the naughty wrapped Santa you dog Santa made that himself. Well, I hope I'm not on it. Let's click through it Let's find out. Zip yourself a thumbs up on by the way We tell the total amount of naughty moments this year. Hashtag naughty moments this year. What's the hashtag naughty moment? Is this like when it's same thing when Nick sat on the shampoo bottle by accident in the shower?

That's not naughty. You know what? He sat on the shampoo bottle. On accident in my shower. On accident and it shot up into his asshole. Like a little bit. Only a little bit. Only a little bit.

Only a little bit. How did that happen? Like a Sibian. How did it happen? Yeah, how does that happen? You ever sit down in the shower? Sometimes. Yeah, that happen? Like a Sibian. How did it happen? Yeah, how does that happen? You ever sit down in the shower? Sometimes.

Yeah, like if you're having like a day. Yeah. Like, so I went to go sit down. I just wasn't looking where I was going and I sat down on like one of those like L'Oreal like curved tip nozzle ones and it slightly inserted me. But I had some weight on it so it went, boop. Dude, dude. You asked for it.

You guys asked for a description. That's a hashtag naughty moment. Yeah, that is to me, that's a naughty moment. That is inherently naughty, yeah. You ever creep by your wife and you're like, oh, I'm you guys asked for description. That's a hashtag naughty moment. Yeah, that is to me. That's a naughty Creep by your wife's Give a call for that. Why does it say I have kids? Can you not that's not talking about dude and I got kids I got about fucking upwards of 10,000 Don't call them kids or you've never birthed out of your own come you don't know I've been a girl for like 9,000 years so you got kids yeah

Really are Santa's kids elves or like the people that get presents around all the world He just can only birth elves every time he's like fuck Santa to replace me tell answer yes or no have you cream pod mrs. Claus don't be naughty I'm not being naughty you keep keep talking like that, we're gonna give you coal. That's what- That's what I'm talking about, right? Give me those cookies. Yeah, it's already turned out to be a nasty call.

Give me those fucking cookies. I want a damn almond bar. Give those to Aidan. Well, I wanna find out who is the most naughty amongst us. Can you go to the next one? I'm Lois, guaranteed. The least naughty. Me. me and it is it's gonna be Aidan. That's Only nine total naughty moments all year. Holy shit Well, what are the naughty moments? Do we get to know what about when he took off all of his clothes? I think I think you made like a top five maybe. I think I made a top five.

Santa, not to narc, but he deadass showed me his cock yesterday. That's not... Didn't do that. What are you gonna defend that? I don't think so. You're friends right? Yeah. That's not naughty then. Is it that crazy? I mean I was on a business call and he

pulled up a picture of his cock. Oh that's just good Don't say I wouldn't do that don't say what you did zipper all right next that's not that bad. I'll see Seriously claimed he would leave his newborn baby unattended for half an hour in Los Angeles. That's naughty. That's naughty It's definitely not he did on his girlfriend in a dream. That's fucked up. Where's was it his dreamers girlfriend's dream his dream? Oh No, it was her dream You can't control that He cheated on his girlfriend in a dream? That's fucked up Was it his dream or his girlfriend's dream? His dream Eww No it was her dream It was her dream Again you can't control that

You just lost it bro You made the list I'm telling you I'm trying to Is it naughty though? Borders I don't know Yeah I guess so Yeah I guess it is

Even if it's not your fault it's naughty Alright Shriveled penis shot pee out of the front of the bowl. Oh, that actually happened again this week. Dude. Wait, let me read this out loud. Shot pee out of the side of the bowl when the cold office made his penis shriveled and small. So this is, again, his penis was small and it went, the pee went through the lid and the bowl of the toilet,

shooting through it and made like sort of a... Covering the floor in awesome warm piss It's it's it's it's a circumcision thing. Is that naughty? Yeah, you made the list you made the list well. He's a lot of debate, but I would argue It's naughty because he didn't clean up the pee. Oh, I clean up the clean clean up He didn't clean up the pee and that's not That's fucked up. Hey, I'm my life I left that pee on the ground. You left a little bit of pee on the ground. Hater of dogs being the fourth one.

That one is fucked up. That one is fucking weird. You should be shot for that one. They realized you were saying it real quick. Fuck the coal. We up and chop. Most 19 year old friends of the group. I think that's fair. Oh, is that true?

That's definitely more than the rest of us. That's not true. It's on the list. It's on the group. I think that's true. That's more than the rest of us. It's not true. It's on the list. It's on the list. Name that. Which 19 year old friend? Does his name start with Diesel and end with Eric? Yeah. Well, it's Diesel Derek.

But yeah, the end with Eric. Famously 28 years old. Diesel Derek 19. You had that new friend that you asked to go to Wee Spa the basketball game, a 17 year old from New Zealand. Not, I, is that true? 17? It's not true.

I didn't ask this. That's a minor brother. I did not. In New Zealand, they go to WeeSpa at like 14. Why WeeSpa specifically? You could have done anything else. Yeah. It would have been good for me to invite him one-on-one as a stranger anywhere.

You do that. You met a guy at a supermarket and then went to New Zealand and hung out with him. That was tight and he was of age. All right. Who's next? Who's next? Third most not any bets. Oh, no, this is bad news for me. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Go back. Go back. Seventeen. You almost doubled.

I'm not going to go back. Go back to Aidan because he had no way to go back to the other page. Nine. How- Oh, I thought that was nineteen. No, you had nine total. Damn, you only had nine? Yeah, because I'm a good boy. Seventeen? Damn, I can be a bit of a bad bitch, huh?

Alright, what were you? Yeah, you almost doubled Aiden's and he's fucking- Yeah. He hates dogs. Hundred hours straight of League of Legends, that'll do it. That's not- Santa, who among us hasn't played a straight of League of Legends that'll do it. That's not not saying that is not among us hasn't played a bit of league Dude, they he was playing for 10 hours like two days ago. I saw it on my discord Yes, Santa has discord and Microsoft Excel and PowerPoint

Ever 10 hours and in you don't want eight hours not even on stream whatever Oh, he plays alone. I did I saw that boy D ranked to iron for You're checking on me. I'm checking it You didn't really recued though like after the challenge was down just like fuck. I'm sick like that You should see the cues that I hit Santa. I'd the cues on my move. I saw I got good ropes Yeah, who do you play Santa? But who do you think Bart? I'm piss-gliding on Bart Also cheated on his girlfriend in a dream this one was yours I'm gliding on board. Come on. I'm fucking Santa Claus. I'm gliding on board. I'm gliding on board.

Well, also cheated on his girlfriend in a dream. This one was yours. Huh? This one was yours. You had that assistant that you dreamed up and you cheated on your girlfriend. No, no, no. This is her dream to me. That was her dream. Was it?

Obviously, even if I did, I would never wake up and tell her that. I would not wake up and be like, babe, guess what? I had a funny dream. You don't believe who I fucked. The other girl I had sex with in my dream, she was so beautiful. No, she's not real. I made her up. She's probably like a combination of all the other beautiful girls I've ever seen. All the things you wish you could be.

Okay, sorry. Pause. Santa, this next one's a lie. Can you read the next one, Santa? Yeah, please. Formed a sexual relationship with his cat. Consensual. Oh, well, that's good. What's that about? Well, why is next one, Santa? Yeah, please. Formed a sexual relationship with his cat, consensual. Oh, well that's good. Yeah.

What's that about? Well, why is it not even? I got my cat spayed, I guess. That's what this is referencing. No, you prevented your cat from getting spayed because you wanted to make it pregnant. So you think my cat is currently not spayed and I also have tried to pregnant my cat.

You failed your mission. You failed. Which, the pregnancy or the spaying? The doctor stopped you. Oh, okay. You tried your best. So I did it in the pregnancy or the spaying? The doctor stopped you. You tried your best. So I did it in front of the doctor? You stormed the doctor. Alright, okay.

Your cat was in heat for so long we started to think, you know what, there's a reason for this. Failed to reply to a total of 263 urgent messages, that's true. That's my bad, but who among us doesn't get a bit busy? Yeah dude, there's... That's fine. Fanta's messages, I don't wanna bother thinking about it. Who doesn't get busy with 100 hours of league? Worst fits of the

year that's fucked up. Why is that fucked up? That's fucked up. You by far had the worst fits of the year. What? It is fucked up because you got a nice I like your fit right now. Thanks it's cute no? Yeah today's good. And also if I have the worst fits then why does gifted hater keep fucking talking about me? He can't keep my name out of his mouth.

The reason you just said it's because of the worst fits. That doesn't make sense. That's like his whole favorite thing. That doesn't make sense. I think it's cause he sees- He is obsessed with you right now bro. He sees inspo in the fits. He's obsessed with you right now.

I know. It's probably liberating to see someone dressed like that. Cause he knows that I'm not shackled to what's cool. You see his newest video? Oh he's gonna love we talked about this. I watch five minutes and then my chat said, skip, skip, skip. So I stopped watching.

Oh. Did you let them control you like that? You gotta pace that like that. Whoa! I said, guys, we're gonna stick through. And then I got five minutes of them spamming skip. And I was like, nevermind. Damn.

I buckle to you folk. Unwatchable content? That's an indictment. What do we? Wow. Is that something that happens to you a lot? Like you let the elves like run your life never No, I rule with an iron fist in there. Did you have to what are the five principles of being Santa?

Be jolly. Yeah, be humble. Okay, okay Diligence is a big one because you gotta check that line twice. It's the size of Rhode Island You can't just check it once. Yeah, that takes up a good part of your year. So it's jolly, being humble, diligence. Love is a big one, but I feel like that goes without saying. Um. Right. And I'd say punctuality is probably a big one.

Really? Yeah, you think you're punctual? I'm pretty sure. You only have one day of the year to make it happen. No, no, no, there's a big lead up to it. It's a whole operation You don't even think about the lead-up. That's The movies made in the time it takes to watch the movie

Okay, so Walmart's just playing Christmas music. Is that part of the lead-up? Is that you? No, no, no, no, no, no No, I'm in the weeds. I'm I'm you know, I'm in the factory. Well, drinkin' hot chocolate I'm most of the time I'm checking the list. You're checking the list, right? Yeah, you're talking about the list a lot. He's checking it twice. Do you by chance have a COO who maybe you haven't checked in on in a bit? You could be messing with maybe.

I was sick to what you're good at. And what other people do is that's delegation. That's what I'm saying. Cause when they got on you about the missing that messages It's like you're a CEO you can't I can't be focused on What if one of them is really important though Santa like it's like a seat like a really important one It's like hey, you need to check this like really bad Well, the thing about it is even if you really fuck up there's always a Christmas next year

Well, it might not be because the Grinch that one year. Yeah. I fucked the Grinch and fuck Krampus. Yep. You mean that? Yeah. You guys are still beefing like that? Fuck Krampus. And his green ass monkey. Dude, last night, last night. Yeah. Watch that monkey, Grinch.

Me and Alex were streaming last night and I said some shit like, like, we're going to kill the Grinch. And Alex, like, like very, very seriously and sternly he's like, we wouldn't kill the Grinch bro, we'd kill Krampus. You wouldn't kill Krampus. Because Krampus hurts people. And the Grinch also had a change of heart. Yeah. But I, the Grinch never hurt anyone in the movies. He just tried to steal Christmas. We tried to steal Christmas. That hurts people. What are you talking about?

No, but he patched it up at the end. He's cutting the hems at the end. I just said fuck the Grinch. I'm telling y'all we can kill him. Why not, bro? Cut his head off and show everybody. That's crazy. Crampus, dude. That was crazy.

While we're talking about it though, Alex is fucking ass at games. Jesus. Oh. Okay. Y'all couldn't get through to- Santa, what's up? This is the guy, you might know him. Yeah. He's been pretty naughty get through to Santa. What's up? It's a guy you might know. Yeah, he's been pretty naughty. He should be on your naughty list. He's so nice You wanna hear my impression of him? What? And we're spinning the wheel

You can't get a fucking W. I don't even know. I don't even get that reference. Yeah You'd be busted up laughing right now if you got it. Is he oh my god, he's probably so handsome and funny. Alex is so shit, man. I had to- Tell us, bro. Cause he's not here. I convinced myself, like, oh, it's actually better to be funny than it is to be good at games. He warped your mind.

He's probably funny as hell. This guy, this guy deadass walks up and he goes, you know what? I actually think Queso's fat. He says that. That was crazy. That's like a thought. And then he left and then Santa showed up. Yeah.

That's weird. I don't think he would say Santa. Santa, you ever see Oppenheimer? Yeah. Yeah, he looks like that guy. Oh, he's always beautiful. He's got some piercing eyes. He looks on a fan.

He says, it's kind of lit. He's also dirty and plugged in. Oh, he's super lit. Yeah, he likes Blade and Nutt. Alright, second place goes to... It's Nick. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on, Slime, you know.

Oh, come on, bro! 24 total. Okay, what the fuck is the photo? That's a photo of you. That is not a photo of me. I assume Santa looked at Nick from the yard. You guys have photos of you. Yeah, we all have photos of ourselves. That's what you look like in real life.

What are my top five? That's your face. All right. All right. There's only two. Yeah, there's only two in the top five. Because the second one is four. The first one is showed a giant poop to Hank Green.

It was science related. That man is a father. Dude, that's not cool. Showing shit to people is, I don't like that. It was like, it was like a big hospital, it was like in a hospital, like bedpan. It was like the biggest hospital poop ever taken. Wait, I like Santa's like, almost like morality.

He's like showing your cock to a homie. That's chill. That's chill. Showing a poop to a stranger. To a stranger? No, poop. What was a stranger? Yeah, I mean, he was kind of a stranger that day.

Yeah, well Hank Green googled him in a car. Well if you google someone you're no longer strangers and then you meet them. Well that's, nope. That's what all your viewers... You said that with conviction. I should have. I shouldn't have. That's a dangerous soundbite.

The second thing that Nick is naughty for in the final is... And there's only two, which is pretty good. It's very big text and it says DND. What does that mean? What are those words? No one knows because we've never heard of it or seen it. And probably never will. Is it like, it's like a soda?

Right. I don't understand. Do you know what DND is? Santa heard that was supposed to come out in March. That's what the elves are chatting about. See, it's got one elf just F5 on the Patreon every day. And every day that elf reports, no new news. I've heard some of the elves, they think it's an elaborate joke.

They think it's not going to come out at all. By the way, those people are good at what they do. Elves? Yeah, they work hard, bro. Yeah, I wouldn't say those people. That because they're not people, they're elves. Yeah, what the fuck did you mean by that? The elves? I don't know how to refer to those.

You said, those people are good. At what they do. At what they do. Is that not a nice thing to say? Ah, it doesn't feel nice. Oh, are you an elf fucking reporter? Like, what is this? Why am I on blast?

You're not even an elf. My 23andMe, something I didn't share with you guys. A lot of Greek. A lot of Italian. 10% elf. No, Jane, that's a lot. That is a lot. I know. You're like 5'11, dude.

That's more than London is French. There's no way. That's definitely a freaky ass Italian grandfather you have. You don't even have the ears, dude. I know. They all have the ears. It's their thing. That's kind of the thing.

I'm a human passing. That could have been Marco Polo. He was Italian, right? He probably went to North Pole. Somewhat. He's probably Greek. That's kind of a thing. A human passing. That could have been Marco Polo. He was Italian, right? He probably went to North Pole. Somewhat. He's probably Greek. That's two people, right? So what I'm saying is meeting Santa for me

is like a big deal, because it's like my ancestors have known you for a long time. And like, I want to know who the mayor of Elftown is. And I think that's cool. I guess I'm stupid. You haven't written to me once. That's not true.

I wrote to you when I was like five and it looked like shit and I just begged for Star Fox 64. Santa has dementia. You haven't written to me since then. I haven't. I will say I haven't. That's fucked up. Have you? I wrote to you 15 years ago. What'd you write? Uh can I please have a Dofus membership three months and I put a picture of Dofus and we got you that membership you got it last year appreciate you for that alright and we know who the last one is

oh god this sucks how am I naughty? 34 naughties over today that's so much lower than I expected that's one for every person's life you've threatened this past year YOU threaten people's lives when you miss a mooma bandages. Yeah, but those people are terrorists. It's always for thee and not for me.

All right, what's in there, bro? Claimed beautiful women can't do government jobs. Well, do that. I mean, the government shutting down. So who was right about that one? Is he wrong? Santa, you guys are fucking. That's right. They are. Are there women? Are there women elves making toys?

Yes, there's all types of elves. That's a government job? No, it's not. You think this shit's funny about the government? It's a privatized company, that's what you're not understanding. Oh, it's like In-N-Out. It's for profit. Most uses of rotten bitch against women.

I'm shocked that's not me, because I've said it to Lily Pichu at least 20 times I think it's quantity of women not quantity of uses. I say I see you learned it from me dad Well, no, cuz I only use it against specific women Yeah, but I'm saying you took that if I didn't exist in your life. You'd be calling Lily like friend I so you use it to hurt women. I use it to hurt people. We're not the same Joe You use it to hurt women. I use it to hurt people. We're not the same Joe Dana Santa elaborate for me this third one use the phrase. I'm going to fuck you until it stinks That's just that's just nasty. That's wrong. You're getting anything for Christmas, too I don't even know if you even asked for anything for Christmas

You're definitely not getting anything after saying that he has to get out of bronze. Yes, we have the most naughty thing That's just nasty work He has to get out of bronze. That's what he has. I think that's the most naughty thing said so far. That's just nasty work. This is fucked up. Hold that. What's that?

A killer? A killer? The whole sack? Is this real cold unburntness? Oh, wait, this one's gonna give one by one? No, I mean... No, I think he gets the whole damn sack. Okay, does it change who I said it to?

Who did you say it to? Aiden. I'm not the only... He's the nicest one! I'm not the only one. That's not true! I've only said it to you, and I would. You've said it to Ludwig. It's also your Tinder bio. No, it's not. That's not true. I've only said it to you and I would you've said it to Ludwig

It's also you. It's also your tinder bio Publicly humiliated shake drizzle by loudly announcing he has diarrhea Where'd you do that? I did this at the Pussifer show. Isn't that funny? You didn't even know who that is You only listen to net. I don't't dude I don't listen to net spin I was at the pussy for show with Jake and I just kept loudly screaming where's the bathroom I've got diarrhea my friend has diarrhea too and I need at the pussy for a show I need that he needs help we're trying to walk away from you that's naughty that's I don't think it's not I think that gets a pat I don something naughty Cause he don't have diarrhea He can call that naughty and cringe

He might have And it's cringe Who's a cringe? You humiliated that man What if there was a beautiful woman there Bro, bro And she was like I can't be around his friend With our friend Alex, Shayk went to a Mexican place and ordered a burger

What's wrong with that? It probably looked good It looked so good. Threaten the lives of Several YouTubers. Who though? Cotton Smear. Deserved.

Graham Stevens. Don't follow- sorry, pause. This is not like a fun game where you say deserved to get their life threatened. I don't want to play that game that's a game I want them then and if you don't name them then it didn't happen It's a really markiplier markiplier. I never said that they did no I didn't What zipper said I did deserved That's three

Counts like 10. That's it. Yeah, you're the naughtiest man. I don't think that's fucking true, by the way I think this is a conspiracy and I will be seeing you guys in court Top artists was usher. I guess you mixed up the that's great. Sorry. I think that was from mine Just took a screenshot I guess you mixed up the... That's great. Sorry. I think that was from mine. Just took a screenshot. Apologies. Dude, you listen to a lot of Usher lately? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then what's this watch? What's this? Don't look at... You got the Rolly on, Santa? Don't look at the front of the Santa's Spundry, dude. Is that what all the... You said it's for profit. Yeah.

It gets chilly out there, bro. The Rolex. Don't worry about it. Okay, going going around who is a Christmas lover and a Christmas hater? I think I'm a Christmas hater. Oh like I thought I'm sorry. I misunderstood the question I thought your name one person you love and one person you hate this Christmas. No, no, no I mean holiday holiday. We can do that too. Who among us isn't a Christmas lover? I just said me why I said him because I don't I don't like I what am I gonna do fucking make a tree Holiday tree yeah, that's part of the fun. What the fuck no dude. It's awesome They got they got better flavors at ice cream shops

Salt and straw has new flavor Santa did go to salt and straw and I bet they had some additional flavors. They got Love Nuts. They got something called Coffee and Love Nuts. Roof it up and Love Nuts were not even a thing. We just Googled Love Nuts and it wasn't a thing. They made up Love Nuts. I don't think you should say,

I don't think the cadence of how you're saying it's like... Coffee and Love Nuts. Coffee and Love Nuts. Love Nuts. Yeah, yeah. So it's not Coffee and Love Nuts. Coffee and Love Nuts. It's Coffee and Love Nuts. It it's not coffee and love nuts.

It's kind of like love. Like, like a coffee. I'm almost sure it should be love nuts. We're saying the same thing. Guys, it's really a turkey flavor. I feel like you're not here. I hear you, but I'm saying it goes. I'm telling you, it's coffee and love nuts. It's like when you say, like when you come saying sour man,

to the sour man, the the the girl at the counter of Stalton straw. I was like, can I try this one? And she's like, yeah, sure. Try it. It wasn't very good. I'm trying whatever I can do to avoid having to order coffee and love nuts, because I'm with Carlo and he's going to like that way too much. So I'm like, can I get this one? I know. And I finally I'll try the coffee one. I'll just say the coffee one. I say the coffee one. Just the coffee, please.

I say the coffee one and she gives it to me. It's delicious. It's so good. And I'm like, I will take the coffee and love nuts. And Carlos like, coffee and love holding nuts. It's funny, dude. Just jumping up and down. I think I am. I'm not really a Christmas hater, but I think I wait.

I definitely wait for it to end. You're definitely a Christmas hater. I know I'm not. I don't know why. What's the issue with Christmas? I think I wait for it to end. What do you do for Christmas? I'm doing I'm getting an MRI on Christmas Eve because that's what they wanted But and then I have to and then I'm spending the size of his heart going to Hong Kong I'm not going to the Hong Kong coming back on Christmas Day He's coming back on Christmas Day and Aidan fucking dumbass pussy ass idiot got says hey, you want to come hang out? Do you want to hang out on Christmas? I'm like not really

He's like we can watch YouTube videos, and I'm like okay. I'm down Yeah Yeah Hey, do you want to spend the Christmas together and slime's like why? He was like why? He's like I'm annoyed. I have to explain this to you. I don't know. Yeah. I'll be home.

Yeah, cause you'll be home. I was getting attacked. And he goes, he goes, ugh. It does suck. You have to convince him to hang out with you. I know you have to fight for it. But then he said YouTube videos and I was like, that's really out of you. What do you do on Christmas?

I work usually. That blows. It's not that bad. It's not that, it's not really work. You're telling me we've never had a Christmas off? That's such a layup. I work usually. That blows. It's not that bad. It's not really worth it. You're telling me we've never had a Christmas off? That's such a layup. No, it's kind of my day.

For 9,000 years you've been doing this. Something like that. Who are you giving the toys you were giving out 9,000 years ago? Not a lot of kids getting them. Not a lot of kids getting them. No, a kid would get like a horse back then. It was probably easier back then because you just had to go to like the really rich British children and give them toys And then the other kids you're like, ah.

Yeah, there was a lot of people that got skipped over. I'm thinking 9,000 years ago this uh, you know, I don't know if anybody was celebrating. 9,000? I'm 9,000 years old. No, we haven't even started till. I mean it was a start up probably. Yeah, it was probably in the past 200. Can I ask you a controversial question? What was the situation with Hitler? Did Hitler get coal? Yeah, when he was a kid.

As a kid? Yeah. Before everything. There were years where he was okay, I think, as a kid. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to stop. What was he asking for? What would young Hitler want? I can't remember. It's a... I think it's important to remember. I don't single kids out.

You have the tools to maybe see this coming and maybe you ignored the signs. How would I have had the tools to see it coming? Could you give him a book that's like love and peace or something? We tried. We gave him candy. We gave him a toy train one year. He liked trains a little too much. I just, I hate to get political on the show here, but I was thinking, I was watching a World War II documentary,

I'm like, I wonder, December 25th, 1944, what did he get? December, 1944? Yeah. 1944. Cole! In 1944? Surely Cole! 1944.

He had to have gotten Cole. You're saying like you don't know. You're hesitating, which I don't like. Sure, I told you had to have gotten cold Listen guys when I tell you that list is fucking long it is not like I don't I feel like okay Respectfully by 1944 news must have gotten to 44 was yesterday for you. You're gonna live for thousands of years're where I was. You guys should do it next year. I'll do the fucking pod next year. We're all talking Santa. But like, first off, I feel like you need different levels. Because like you gave him coal for what he said to Aiden.

And then you gave Hitler coal for what he did in 1934. Yeah, I don't like that. I think you need a less binary punishment system, Santa. Because I think I'm way better than Hitler. He's a better. I don't like this guy a lot. He is better than Hitler. That's just logically like true. Like I didn't, you know, I'm better than that guy.

But we both got the same anti-president. And you say you'd kill the Grinch. I'd kill him in Harpy. You said you'd kill the Grinch and then you called. I cut his head off. You called elves those people. That was him. You don't even remember! That's right

Sorry, sorry, sorry, Santa's memory is shot You called elves those people Wait, why are you turning on me? Cuz you... Yeah, I did. That's my bad. Santa doesn't know who the fuck to be mad at Who makes it up Santa? That's my bad

He seems pretty mixed up the whole way through Dude, it's a hard job Santa, you can't remember who you gave gifts to Santa. That's my bad. He seems pretty mixed up the whole way through. You seem to say you can't remember who you gave gifts to. It's fucking it's the list is the side of the Rhode Island. You can see you have to check it twice, dude. You keep saying that Rhode Island thing. Yeah, it is. Yes. I can. This could be like a PDF now. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like QR code.

Is this Aidan? What a picture of him. PDF now no no no no no like you are good What a picture of them the picture of aiden eating something oh my god. Yeah, it's tough guys Oh, no, aiden's not here. No, and I know he loves me undies. Yeah, he really does. I don't know which ones to get him Hmm well you could get him the ones with little tiny Uber drivers on them so we can talk to his undies all day long. You can talk to him all day long. You should get undies with a hole in the bottom so his balls can just hang out. His balls can hang out. Because they have styles for everyone, including the ball hangout ones.

You guys can check these out if you go to meundies.com. They got 20 different freaking styles and a holiday collection. They have a holiday collection? Oh, dude. Little snowflakes, little snowmen. I'm not really a Christmas guy, but if I were to detrow and have all sorts of awesome Christmas candy canes.

Well, you're a Christmas guy now. Then I'm a Christmas guy now. And also I think I'd make my lady happy because she loves Christmas. You're a Christmas lady. It's not like you don't have to freaking be like, I don't want to get my lady underwear, bro. They have more.

They have loungewear. They have joggers, hoodies, onesies. I can wear casual me undies wear. Imagine Nick in a onesie right now. And a butt flap. And it's sticks of dynamite. And I'm turning around like oops. No, that's, while doing it, you'd have unmatched comfort.

I'd be micro mogul. Do you think you would still feel oh so comfy in a breathable stretchy me undies if you had poop coming out? If all sorts of awesome dump that was just unloading and unleashing and coming out. Also, unfortunately for the meandies, it's all sustainably sourced materials, so you're just getting poop all over there. I'm gonna make it a sustainably sourced material with my dump. That sucks.

If you weren't happy with it for whatever reason, cause of the dumping, the first meandies would be on them. It's on them? Oh my god, what else is there? It's actually really nice. Well, if you go to meandies.com on them. It's on them? Yeah. Oh my God, well what else is there? It's actually really nice. Well if you go to meundies.com slash zipper, what do I get? You get Zipper. He will come to you this holiday season. Wow.

And hand deliver your undies. So go to meundies.com slash zipper. Don't wait, right now, Zipper will show up. It will be scary. Well look guys, knock out all of your holiday gifting needs today with MeUndies. TODAY! To get exclusive holiday deals and to stop Ludwig from yelling, savings all month long,

go to MeUndies.com slash Zipper and use code ZIPPER to save all month long. Use code ZIPPER. If you use code ZIPPER, he'll show up to your house with a battle axe in his hand. Yeah, I'll have a battle axe. And also, don't wait to be comfortable. MeUndies.com slash ZIPPER. Use code ZIPPER. Do it now. And also, don't wait to be comfortable. MeUndies.com slash zipper. Use code ZIPPER. Do it now.

MeUndies comfort from the outside in. MeUndies nuts. MeUndies bum-bum. Back to the episode clad. Well, Santa, how'd you meet Mrs. Claus? Uh, prom. Prom. In the North Pole.

Yeah, I had a different date and she was there. Prom? Eight? Wait, who did you take? 8,000 years ago? I had a different date and she was there. Who? Eight? Wait, who did you take? Eight thousand years ago? I had a different date and she was there. Who did you take to prom? Her name was Alice.

She just took a random girl to prom. Yeah, we grew up together. Right, but it was like a friend type low key thing. Yeah, it was romantic at one point, but... But then you just decided to go as friends? Where does she know? God knows, that was so long ago. Who knows?

You wanna keep up with exes? Try not to. So you took your childhood friend to prom and then ditched her for another girl? No, no, no. We met there. Oh, but it wasn't romantic? Yeah, we hit it off that summer. It was my summer after high school. That's cool.

That's chill. And in the summer it can get up to 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Yeah, and it was a hot summer. I think it hit 34 one day. That's the thing about the North Pole dude. The North Pole nowadays, shit's like, it's like California. The thing about the North Pole nowadays is that it's actually going towards London because of all the melting ice. Yeah, so you believe in global warming? Absolutely. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys ask me about Hitler. We can talk about global warming.

I need one of those things political one of those things damn normal What's normal? What's normal to you? And it's trying to cancel me. Yeah, I'm like canceling you dude. I got drones over New Jersey I'll seen that yeah, what is this? What is I keep hearing about this is it like the uaps in the water center? Can you Google drones over New Jersey keeps bringing this up and I don't know anything about it yes plus sightings of do he brought it up like eight times yesterday Alex is obsessed with some sort of device either in the water or in the sky there's something we don't know about you would

love planes bro they're real and they're always in the sky FAA bans drones temporarily bans drones deadly foot I don't understand bro, NPR reported a bit. So they're seeing a lot of drones and they're now getting shot down if they see them? Military saying they don't know what it is. It's just a drone, no? But it's a lot of them, dude. It's a lot of them. That is quite a few.

And there's people like- That's like four. Is that a lot? Dude, there's like being reported on okay is the fear that they're not man operated and they're like space I think the fear is that no one knows what why they're up there You're the unknown Ludwig and they're not dropping all press not like they're like landing on your roof going down the chimney leaving you Goodies you go on that route Yeah, usually they do kind of I feel like that's part of the problem is that they would

Flood the airspace a little bit when I'm trying to do my damn job. I can't own my KitKats. I'm freaking out Wait, are you dumb? I can't There's dead-ass no way you thought I was trying to tear the label off no, it doesn't give me give me no I want to do it What if it popped out a confetti? Yeah, I did Nick and much of peanuts and a bunch of like tear the label off. No, it doesn't. Give me, give me, give me. I want to do it. What if it popped out at confetti? Yeah. Blinded Nick. A bunch of peanuts and a bunch of like, big worms came out.

Santa, I'm not ever gonna hit plat. I think you could in like the next year. Can Santa see the future too? No, dude. Otherwise he wouldn't have given Hitler all those gifts. Yeah, we've already won. What kind of magic is Santa? because he has magic, right? He makes flying reindeer.

No, it's not. The reindeer came like that. Yeah, there's like holiday magic. Yeah. They're not flying with like wings. I think he's got like the Hermione spell for time. Like, for instance, like we have these bells that we ring that you can't hear unless you believe in Santa Claus That's like magic

No, they're just like sleigh bells on the sleigh, but you can't hear them unless you believe in me and what I do, okay I haven't heard him in but it's a marvelous sound So yeah, it's awesome. Wait, do you give presents to animals? No, no, no, no, no. Like a dog, like you don't care about a dog. I love dogs, no. But I don't give them presents, no. Would you shoot every dog in the head to save one kid, Santa?

No. Well, okay, so the kid does. Dude, you got, here's Santa's outlook on that. It's all energy, dude. They're all spirits, right? So... If I was shooting every dog to save one kid, just think about...

The vibrations are gonna be all off. Something's gonna be off there. That's so real. Yeah. Think about that. But you have to make the choice. Santa just made the choice. You're immortal, right, Santa?

I think you won't. My health is going down, yes, but I think. Santa, if I were to shoot you in the chest with a.44 Magnum, would you live that? I don't know. Santa, have you ever tried to end your own life? No, I haven't. Have you thought about it?

Well, two times. Dude, it's a hard job. You've got to think about it. Him and Alice broke up. He's like, I times. Dude, it's a hard job. Him and Alice broke up and he's like, I don't know man. I don't think I'm gonna find her. Can I run you through a naughty or nice check? On just a few people? Okay.

Hit me. Naughty or nice Donald Trump? Naughty. Barron? Barron Trump. Little kid. Oh, I'm so fried. I thought you were talking about Baron Nasher.

I was like, why does he- We'll skip to that one. He is naughty as hell. Baron Nasher. He's naughty. He's naughty? Yeah. Tom Cain? Tom Cain. Tom Thumb? Nice. Nice. Tom Cain is weird. Tom Cain is a good dude. He ate a woman. But not this year. Not this year. You know what big people can change. The statute. Bro, his dad has eight of women.

Statue of limitations. How long? Did Tom catch eight of women? He did. He made a deal. He's a river lord and he made a deal with a guy to transport him and then cashed in on the deal by eating his wife.

But it was back in the day. That's kind of how you did business back then. It's like you spit on your hand and you shake your hand. It's nice now. Can a man eat his wife and still be nice? Mr. Eats it. Mr. Eats it. OK. Eat it till his head hurts. A Rottweiler dog. Rottweilers. Oh, God, it might be naughty. All of them?

Blanket statement. You're right. This gets actually that's kind of a nature versus nurture thing, too. Yeah. And I feel like they're probably nice, but- I feel like you haven't thought about a lot of this shit, Santa. I'm bringing you real questions that I think about all the time, but you're just like thinking about toys and Rhode Island and shit. You don't even fucking put a tree up.

Or lights. So? Or- have you gotten anyone a gift this year? I did. I actually got everyone gifts, but they're in my car. Did you wrap them? No. Then it doesn't count. Doesn't count.

What? They have to be wrapped. They have to be wrapped. Yeah, they have to be wrapped. So wait, if I got my friend a million dollars, but I didn't wrap it up, it's not a gift? Definitely not a gift. It's not a Christmas gift, I'll tell you that.

Maybe you gave him a gift on Christmas. It's a Christmas gift. Wow, that's powerful. I'm starting to understand you, Santa. I still don't understand why you don't want to disembowel the Grinch in front of town square in front of everybody. He changed. Is there capital punishment in the North Pole?

What's that? The death penalty. We don't even have police, man. Are you a base? Shit. We def base? Shit. We defunded that shit. It's all elf social workers. The community decides what to do.

It kind of worked in the North Pole. It was gone. Come on. Let's go. What's the last crime that happened in the North Pole? That the community kind of had to deal with. Let me think. Is it kind of like, is it the type of place like somebody steals a bike and everybody would be Shocked to their core yeah, there was a hit and run though

Just one car it's a sleigh Doesn't stay parked all year and just gets used one Whoa! I hate you to realize it doesn't stay parked all year and just gets used one year. I'm just saying there's not a lot of people who drive that thing, right? Yeah. No, there's about... Yeah, there's probably seven or eight of us. And it's so worried.

Who are the seven people driving Santa's flag? The seven guys? They've worked their way up. Dude, I'm telling you guys it's a whole lot of pressure. You gotta get to see it. You gotta come see it. Okay, okay, I get asked this a lot. If you weren't doing the job you currently doing what would you do instead? Oh God

Major League Baseball player You'd be a pitcher for the Yankees dude, you really think so. Nick Claus would be a closer 104 high fastball you're on the Yankees last year you be the Dodgers Last year like yeah, cuz they're in the World Series. I year, you beat the Dodgers? Last year? Yeah, cause they were in the World Series. I'm guessing this year you beat the Dodgers? Oh yeah yeah. You beat UOtoto Shouhei. Fanny, have you ever seen that movie with Dennis Quaid where he's like a really old baseball pitcher?

You think you'd be like him? No, I haven't seen that but I think I could do that. I can do anything, I'm Santa. You can do anything? Anything. You can't be the Grinch You couldn't you couldn't hate Christmas could his silver league Crazy you play like Christmas bard. Yeah, I love Christmas like theme stuff all I get sick

you put a tree up your house yeah of course the fresh tree fresh tree yeah bottle of real tree whoa I watch guys I watched three Christmas movies back to back there and made a gingerbread house what movies I forget the names but one was Ryan Reynolds it was a it was a rom-com I forget the name the second one was the Queen Latifah movie where she finds out she has like a huh They're just friends. No, maybe those just like or some shit that one's fire, but It was a Queen Latifah movie where she finds out she has like the brain aneurysm thing and she goes on like this big Christmas vacation

That one's fire and then I watched red one the new rock. How was it Santa so good, dude? Good dude, it's not it's awesome. Wow. It's awesome Yeah, it's awesome as fuck. It's the rock It's the rock in St. Nick. I'm asking Alex this right now. Is there anything you don't like? Anything I don't like? Hate. Yeah and suicide boys probably. I don't like suicide boys. I don't like I don't like when things are done in bad taste I don't like when things are done in bad taste. Interesting. Right. Like when you tell your friend you'd fuck him till he stinks.

Yeah, that's not- I don't like that. Yeah, but that's not in bad taste. I don't like things that are nasty. I don't like when you show a stranger an awesome big ass poop that was on like a medical bedpan. The world's biggest shit. He was a scientist! It's nasty, dude. I was wondering if he had like input. He's not a scientist.

But he knows his fucking penis. He's a YouTuber. So what's the difference here? You're being fucking weird. Wait, my penis isn't nasty. What's not? But it could be. I think it's easier to say his penis is nasty than a giant medical.

I'd rather see a penis than a big stinky bedpan shit. If Aiden pulls his penis out right now, god forbid he doesn't God forbid I don't I'd hate to see that I'd love you like, that's awesome and laugh But if you show me poop I'm like dude, fucking, why are you showing, like put that away I'm gonna throw up I'm gonna throw up

Don't show me like shit on a bed man It was so smooth despite being big Poop is nastier than penis cause poop you dispel Penis you keep Penis is on your waist But poop is natural It was so smooth despite being big. Poop is nastier than penis because poop you dispel. Penis you keep. Penis is on your waist. But poop is natural. And poop is waste.

Everyone does. But that's literally the thing, you're getting rid of it. Excreted. Ew. You know what I mean? Like the whole point of it is you get it out of you because it's the worst parts of you. But no, it's not the worst.

It is because it's where you get rid of it. Your penis, your flies like it. It's the worst. If you kept it in you, what dude flies love talk to talk to me I see poop and then it's like wow awesome dessert. I think about that a lot I was like dinner. I think about I thought I had this thought as a kid I was like 10 years old now is like if flies like poop that must mean it just tastes like ice cream to them Yeah, you know it's all the best. No, I think they just perception if they could make ice cream. They'd be doing that

No, they like poop cuz no It's like gross as fuck. Yeah, not to a fly. That's what I'm saying Yeah, I think I'm perspective. Well, I would a hundred percent if they could just have ice cream every day instead of poop We have ice cream. No poop immediately. I would love to trap several flies in a box We do like a mr. Beast challenge on a bunch of flies flies I trapped ten flies in a box with ice cream and human shit. They go ice cream I like you're just contextualizing scientific studies as mr. Beast experiment Yeah, so I want the kids watching to kind of understand. And then there's like a pirate software tiktok about it. It's like the thing about flies and eating shit is. No, no cuz poop Yeah, there you go. Because poop is not what flies, what he draws flies would enjoy.

So here's a shit. Here's a shit. And he draws the poop on like notepad. That's cool. Alright, not here nice streamer edition queso. Nice as hell. Like probably the nicest. Okay, he's up there.

He's up there. I feel like you gotta be up there. Okay. Uh. Caroline. Uh. Caroline Kwan. I'm going to say nice. I don't really nice. You know anything.

You know, this really, you know, anything. That's an adult. Hey, what next when you get wrong, Santa. Lily Pichu, you don't come near me with that thing. I'm going to take you out with that thing down. Answering the question. Is that real? Lily Peach you're naughty or nice? Naughty. Yeah, that's right. I knew it. That's why he's teching.

It is real. Why is this real? I don't know. Let me see. I want to see. That is a cool saw. Yay! Ah! It's very sharp. It's teethed. It's teethed man to cut wood. Holy shit. Alright well Christmas fucking sucks and I think I've won this debate. Well you're a Christmas lover. Yeah. Why? Because it's a day of holiday cheer. You had a stable family growing up. Christmas lover. My father died. Yeah, but then you got a new one. He's awesome. I didn't get a Christmas lover. Christmas lover is a Christmas hater. Christmas hater. Let's go. Really? What? If I had to pick a side. Can why I break that down like why you don't like what's wrong with it

What where's the bad parts of it? Why don't you like Christmas? I don't like doing shit I just got a takedown like in a week. What the fuck does that even mean? What I'm sorry. What's the what since I'm down dude? I don't think anything like to Christmas, like the aesthetic or like the decorating, the tree, like none of that is a fun thing for me. I like the part where I just spend time with my family now. He's got a Frosty the Snowman hat on, you know what I like? That's not fun to me. This is not fun for you? Yeah, that's not Christmas. This doesn't do anything for you right now? a good this is do nothing for you this is new for you let's do nothing

this marvelous set okay the set is my probably my favorite part and the set this is what I'm complaining about no no no no I'm realizing that people feel this way about their homes yeah imagine walking into your home and you smell fresh Yuletide and you see like sparkly twinkly lights and there's in the in buddy holidays buddy holidays and there's a big something and then there's your bacon eggnog and you're doing all that and then like you're doing the same old shit like you're booting up a lux game

And you want to see everything but now you just see it with twinkly lights and it's red and green The summoners riff should have Christmas lights all over right now. That would be awesome Wouldn't that be fire? That's the thing about people like I don't know game developers Whoever they're lacking if you're not on a Christmas event. What the fuck is that about? It's like right? Time ago, I think it's because Ryan went woke. May I ask you something, Santa? What about people that don't celebrate Christmas? Well, fuck them.

Why doesn't someone fuck them? OK, but what do you so Hanukkah? Well, Santa's got beef with Hanukkah. Wow. Fuck that. Yeah. You fuck with eight candles and all that. No, I want to drop off gifts at your house. And you're gonna deny me of that privilege? Yeah, right. So you're saying I don't get to bring you joy.

And that sucks for me. I got an audio nice stanza. Luigi Mangione. Well, that's not what it's saying on the spot. Let's not put Santa on the spot. I think probably, I don't know, maybe nice, because he's doing it for the betterment. It's the same thing of like, would you shoot a million, or no, a million dogs. But would you kill one human to save millions of other humans? Yeah, but were any humans saved by this action? They could, maybe. It could be the catalyst.

He just reinvented the trolley problem, the easiest version of it. Yeah, one to save a million. And no dogs involved at all. So it's even easier. Imagine the energy if you killed a million people. It's all fucking out of whack. Look, I'm personally fucked up after you said Tom Kinch is nice. He is nice.

And Adol Hitler is nice. Like that's been... I didn't say I said he's probably he's nice as a kid. You know why Tom Kinch ate that woman? Because she was a health care CEO. Mm hmm. Now what? Exactly. And now and now people it it's going to spark something bigger. And now Sona's got health care.

Finally. Sona doesn't have to pay a giant fucking deductible in bottom lane. The premiums dropped, dude, after Tom Kinch took action. I think Tom Kinch should not be considered nice purely off of being... purely off the size of that tongue. Oh come on. Purely off the strength of it. That's fucked up. He's saying he shouldn't be nice because of the tongue?

I don't think there's anyone nice with that big of a tongue. A big boy with a fat tongue can't be nice? But he makes you feel nice with it? What about that? I don't think he does. Oh he does. I don't think he does. Okay. You don't think he's nice with that tongue? No. Really? No. You don't think if he loved you and you came home to Tom Kench every night he wouldn't be nice to you? No, I think he would be. I'm like can we just have sex with your penis this time? Is what I would say probably. What? You said what about his penis? If I'm Tom Kinch's wife, Margaret Kinch. Well you'll be eating in a river very quickly. Nasty work. All in one bite.

I'm enjoying this candy. You know what I like about Christmas? Did you? Sorry, did you? Oh my god, what? What do you want now man? Did you eat the whole thing? There was only like four in here. No, there was not like four in here no Actually quite a bit in there you lying bitch I'm not kidding one two three more than four bro. I want you. Hey Christmas. You've never gotten anything. You've always been sour

That's funny that's hurtful What's the best gift you guys ever got on Christmas PlayStation 2? Oh such a good one. Did you know it's coming? Yeah, my dad was like I got you a PlayStation Oh, I was like, I hope it's the second one. Was it wrapped? No It wasn't a Christmas gift. Yeah, it wasn't a Christmas gift doesn't count. Well, he's dead now So when you see him in hell you can tell him. I'll tell him it was just a gift Well he's dead now so when you see him in hell you can tell him I'll tell him it was just a gift Nice to meet you, nice to meet you By the way that shit was just a gift

Just a gift Mine was a Star Wars DVD collection Damn I've never seen Star Wars Well I used to watch them on VHS and I didn't know it was available on DVD Damn Unc Sorry I'm playing You're 9000 So fuck you back off

Sorry Unc You're 9 fucking thousand so call me you. Yeah you are 9,000. Back off. Sorry Unc. You're 9 fucking thousand so call me Unc. Were you the one, I was trying to remember which one of my friends, were you the one that made like a viral Star Wars video back in the day? That you? I know someone who like uploaded an old Star Wars video of like their first YouTube channel. That was you.

Oh wait. No that was me. No it was, didn't you upload like the Family Guy Star Wars clip and it got a bunch of views I did that I uploaded it is still available. I think it's just the table reading of the family guy star wars episode 2 Yeah, has like I don't know has like 150k views I think we looked it up before but then I also made like a fan edit of the final fight in the third episode Yeah, but I cut out Yoda Because this fight fucking blows. Yeah, he jumps around and he sucks. He jumps around and they do a lot of force shit because...

Because, uh, what's his name? Was really old when he was filming it. Count Dooku. Yeah, yeah, but what was the actor? No, no. The guy who played Palpatine. No, no, no. It's Count Dooku, not Palpatine. Oh, at the end of the second one.

The third. No, he fights Dooku at the end of the second one. It's true. I like Chris's war with the Star Wars. Is it the Emperor in is the star wars in the third say that much the Emperor that fight sucks. You don't know that um I cut it out He actually went through more effort than normal to forget it What's your favorite Christmas gift Santa? I think a Gamecube when I was a kid. Do you know what's coming? I did know but I think thinking about Christmas that was a gift that I played with the most.

Like I remember it being like a Christmas thing. You still get a gift every year? Not anymore. Who gets Santa gifts? Not many people. This was from my father before he passed. My father's alive. My dad's alive. Sorry.

You didn't even want to put that energy out there. I didn't. I didn't want to. Probably GameCube. What's yours? A Wii. This is awesome. I don't even start with me, dude. You just said yours was a fucking VHS Star Wars box No, it was DVD set fucker. Okay, that's even worse cuz you're like, oh my god. I don't have to rewind it now

I can rewatch. Yes. I was really excited about that. That's not nerdy. Yeah Your best Christmas get with DVDs swear to God ever I yes ever I remember cuz I open my Xbox I open my mom's bedroom and I saw the DVDs and I was so surprised. I was so taken aback because I didn't ask for it. Oh, you sniped him. I know. Like, I just like it happened to be like front and center. And I remember like being super excited.

Like, oh my God. Because I didn't even think that that could be a gift. How about this, Santa? If someone gets you a Christmas gift, they wrap it and everything. But you saw it before they wrapped it because you were spying like he did with my dad I swear I thought I was fine. Is that a Christmas gift? It is but you don't deserve it and And that might hurt you next year. Oh Next year what happened? What happened? Oh my father died

Okay dial back the punishment system. Santa has wrapped. Dude, you were giving Hitler coal? And you took his dad's life? I had to. I had to. Santa, I think you might. If I could go back in time, I would have shot Hitler in the back of the head. For sure. How noble of you, Santa.

I don't know if there's a comparison between those two. Imagine, imagine that's how World War II ended. Like it's like a giant front page New York Times like, World War II is over! And it's just a guy in a Santa costume. That's what Red One's about. Actually, it's not too far off. Claws kills Adolf. It's pretty similar to that type of deal.

Yeah, you guys should watch it, man. Wait, what was yours? Xbox 360. Yes, it's all gaming consoles for you guys? Yeah, are we? What's going on with that? That shit's fun. You're a divergent, loser, virgin nerd.

One time, Santa, you got me a gift of... It was a box, and I opened it up it up and I was like this is a box of Yogurt flavored Cheerios. Why is this my gift Santa? Why did you do this? That's probably a mix-up and then I opened I opened up the box and it had two GameCube games on the inside Y'all you got pranked those tricks The elves are motherfuckers man. I can't control them all Santa okay, are you four against? I had this friend growing up and his dad

got him like, you know like the box in a box in a box and he kept opening it was a huge box, he kept opening it and at the very end was a small wooden box, just a cube that had an X on it and he went it's the new X box.

Are you four against that type of shit? I would have shot him if I saw that I was I thought you're gonna say it's gonna be An awesome diamond ring and they got engaged. This was a thing. No, this is father Fractions of what deserve punishment mostly have to do if you've disrespected Christmas you've done anything bad outside of that he's like do one of the most evil things I ever almost did that I got got stopped I think by like my mom or like my grandma like so that was a thing what you just described people would like do that they like really they put like oh it's an Xbox 360 like spins or whatever and when I was a kid I think I must have been under the age of 10. I had this idea or maybe I was like, I don't know.

I think it was a Guitar Hero box or something similar. And I had the idea to like bring over. I got Guitar Hero for Christmas. And it was like the whole, you know, the box had the whole guitar in it. And it was like the big one. And I had the idea to like put something else in it and like give it to my neighbor as a gift. But this wouldn't be you're using the box of the present as a prank gift to prank another Yeah, oh you put in it shit. I'm a kid

I don't realize how mean that is put a bedpan with a big fucking picture of shit in it or something That would be better weird And I I literally I said I said it all myself, and they're like my next door neighbor, so I go to walk over, my mom catches me and stops me, and is like, do not do that. Oh my God. And I was like, oh, I felt really shameful. And then she was like,

I'm still gonna let you swear a bunch though. What'd you put in the box? I don't, like, bullshit, I don't remember. But it just wasn't guitar hero, or whatever it was. I don't know what year guitar hero came out. Guys, I spent all my money on Christmas gifts. Really? All of it?

Well, no, not exactly. I spent money on Christmas gifts, and I went to see how much I spent, and then I realized that it was like way more, and I was like confused, and it turns out I have I have 74 subscriptions. 74. 74 subscriptions. To what? I have 74 all sorts of awesome junk like Netflix and YouPorn and... Crap. What the fuck is YouPorn? I don't know, it's on there. The hell is YouPorn? I think it's one of those like you subscribe and then it just gives you a whole bundle. Yeah.

Of websites. Okay. So I haven't even used that one. Right. But now I'm realizing I spent too much on Christmas. Guy who subscribed to Porn, I haven't even used it. I haven't even used it. Honestly.

But it turns out I thought I hadn't overspent on Christmas, I thought I budgeted my life, I didn't, and now I don't have any money. Well it's funny because you say 74 because over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. I know how to get rid of them. Well, how do you even find out that they exist Ludwig? It's called Rocket Money Bitch. Rocket Money Bitch? Or is it just Rocket Money? It's Rocket Money Bitch one word.

It's Rocket Money Bitch one word. That's right, and with it you can no longer waste money on the weird stuff that you decided to subscribe to. Well, the thing about Rocket Money is that it's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. no longer waste money on the weird stuff that you decided to subscribe to. Well, the thing about Rocket Money is that it's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bill so that you can grow your savings. I found out I was giving $107 to Wikipedia every month. That's...

Really? I know. They only ask for like three. They ask for very little. I don't know how this happened. Do you click at every time you wiki-race? I think it's because I did a wiki-r someone said donate to Wikipedia using Wikipedia I said okay that's fair but then I did the monthly and recently I've come into some issues

with finances you guys have no idea we saw the account dude I'm not kidding bro I'm literally not joking it's not part of the ad rocket money might have prevented this rocket money Why if you want an email that was like wow you spent a lot more than normal this month It said three million you might be like Where did that go? Why you guys think you spent 60 bucks is probably closer to 300 and for me three million You don't want, cancel your unwanted subscriptions members up to $740 a year when using all the apps features. So if you want to stop wasting money on things you don't use, cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to

rocketmoney.com slash the yard. That's rocketmoney.com slash the yard. I still, uh, I haven't used it, which is funny. Uh, I have crunchy roll. I've had it for two years. I just haven't used it. You didn't watch anime. I don't.

We're going to get you right, bro. And now we're getting them right in this episode. You were evil as a child. Yeah. How'd you get put on the right track? Everyone was a little bit evil as a child. I don't know, I had good influences. Dad, I was a fucking sweetheart. No you weren't. Swear to God, I call my mom right now. She'll tell you I was a fucking sweet little boy. She's your fucking mom. That's because she's your mom, jackass. Yeah, ask the other kids on the playground. I'll call my sister.

That might be more truthful. Call someone from your middle school. When your sister becomes an adult she's kind of like your mom. Call the nerdiest kid from your middle school. See what he thinks. We get Christian. Get Christian on the line. I'm gonna call Christian. He must have landed by now. I'll call Christian right now. I wanna hear it. He's my childhood best friend.

What age did he meet you? Five. Damn. Call Christian. How are you gonna phrase the question? How do you want me to phrase it? Was I nice as a child? Was I more naughty or nice as a kid? Okay. He's gonna leave you on read. He's not gonna leave me on read. He doesn't like you. He'd never leave me on read. Because you were mean as a kid. His job did not. I was not mean as a kid.

We love each other. Doesn't matter. Job comes after personal grievances. We love each other. We've always loved each other. I can also call my friend's mom. I can call Christian's mom. Mrs. B. Call Mrs. B up. You can't ask a mom. Dude, why not? Mom will only know nice.

That's not true. I feel like moms are a good gauge. Dad knows. Moms, they don't give it. Moms most of the time don't really get too straight. Your call has been forwarded to an automated... You fucking pay him to answer you. That's true.

He does get a salary to answer you. He's dead-ass busy. Were you a naughty or nice kid? You were naughty. Me? I was a little goofball sometimes. What do you mean a goofball? It's just goofing off. What does that mean?

Danik could tell you. What did he goof off? How did he do it? You wanna know? He pulled his wiener out. He's pulling his little wiener out. He's pulling his little pizza on all the time. All the time? I started beating off pretty late.

Stop saying that. That's different. You keep saying I started beating off late. I'm talking about pulling it out. You know my first beat? My first beat? Bubblegum. 18.

That's not true. You just lied to Santa, dude. Jacking off at 18 is crazy. For the first time. I bet there's like dead ass Mormons and shit. Seventeen was the first time you jacked off. I bet there's an homage person that didn't beat their shit until they were 29. Well, they act cathartically. I heard of it.

Sam, what about you? First time you beat? Well, first time I jacked off, probably 11. Oh shit. Young, bro. Oh, yeah. Damn. I had older brothers, older cousins. They kept fucking bringing it up. What? I just like knew what to do because they would always talk about

It would just like talk about like jack It'd be like so I feel like you're what it was as a kid. Older brother or cousin would be like man I just beat my shit last night And then he'd be like how and he'd be like I stroke it up and down vertical wise one hand or two Yeah, you just jack it off. And you're in the corner like overhearing like They're telling me this I'm like, uh, I'm doing the math. I haven't jacked it off yet. Dude, you've been beaten off for 8,900 years. Oh, he's not Korean plan. Mrs. Claus. We know that damn much about it It's like a puff of smoke now. And it still gets rock

That's crazy It still gets rock. That's crazy. Dwayne. That red one. I don't know if I was a sweet kid. You were a sweet kid? I don't think I was a sweet kid, but I think I was a good kid. I was constantly worried while I believed about Santa. I was constantly worried that I hadn't been good enough that year.

Wait, wait, wait. While? While? I believed about Santa. I was constantly worried that I had been good enough that while While while I'm saying there is a state of what you did believe in Santa now You no longer do any of us is right in front of us. What the fuck did you just say misspoke? sir ring the bell Even got it all it sounds like good riddance by Green Day. It's ringing right now. I ain't even got it on me. Oh, dude, it sounds like Good Riddance by Green Day. That's a great one. No, it doesn't.

It sounds like something that's never been recorded, dude. I like when Alex tells stories about being a kid because he'll be like, yeah, one time me and my cousin saw a barn explode. We swear to God. Oh, I did burn down. And then he's got like nothing else. Those are like all of his stories.

Me and my grandpa burned down on four houses one time. Dude, he'd be like, dude, yeah, I did. Dude, yeah. Nothing else. Those are like all my stories. Me and my grandpa burned down on four houses one time. Dude, one time we heard a ghost in the sky and we talked about it for a year. I have ghost stories too. That's what happens when you grow up in the country like that. Yeah, dude. I had a f- Dude, nah. My grandma was like, there's demons around. What's your most country story? My most country story? You grew up in the country? Yeah. Where's that? North Carolina. Hmm my most country story. I mean, I don't know dude I used to be a kid and I would like I would like jump in the huge like cotton bands with me and my cousins And it's like fucking it's like as tall as that and it's full of cotton you kind of this hobby You just jump in a cotton. That's pretty like they had like fun stuff as a kid, but I don't know what was country story. I don't know

Yeah, what's like fun stuff as a kid, but I don't know about his country story. I don't know. What did you- Mr. Beast, naughty or nice? Naughty. Some- I mean, dude, come on. Why? What has he done? He's one of your people. He's like you. He's renting out the pyramids, dude, for how many hours? You fly over the pyramids. Yeah, but that doesn't mean-

Dude, that's crazy. Is that not crazy to anyone else sitting here that you can rent out one of the, like, spectacles of the world for an hour? Why not? Who's- So, hey, City of Egypt's gotta get paid. They gotta get paid.

Would you do it for Mrs. Claus? Probably do anything for her. Well then, you know, he's got a Mrs. Claus. Well, I'm not making a YouTube video out of it. Well, I guess it depends on what he does with it. Well then you just don't know business. You're, your brain's well established though. You know?

Yeah. Like you don't, you don't need it. Do you think Mr. Beast is as famous as the idea of Santa Claus or more? Not close. Not. Santa Gaps. There's like an 80 year old that knows about Santa Claus and has no idea about Mr. Beast. And there's a bunch of those.

And they're gonna die soon. Everyone in the world knows about Santa Claus. This country's not too Christmas. You're saying Santa Claus is more no idea about Mr. Beast. And there's a bunch of those. And they're gonna die soon. Everyone in the world knows about Santa Claus. This country's not too Christmas. You're saying that Santa Claus is more well known than Mr. Beast? Yeah. Absolutely. Mr. Beast is pretty big, man.

Do you feel disrespected by that comparison? Yeah, what? I understand where you're coming from, but what are you saying? Uh oh. Oh my God, the Google trends actually seem- Oh my God, it almost- It almost fucking met. I'm honestly surprised by this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's past date. Go back. Yeah, go all time. That was probably in like July though. Who's thinking about me? Past five years. Yeah, past- Oh!

And then Santa- It's like Christmas time. He goes through a big spike in December. People like Christmas, they're just like, I should look up Santa Claus. Really, Santa? That's so weird. It's the same reason I Googled stuff about the North Pole.

Do you do past five years? Past five years MrBeast. Yeah. Oh look at that. Oh my god you're trending downward Santa. Wait, MrBeast is more famous more often in the year. Yeah but his peaks are lower. Yeah he also, dude, I do things once a year.

MrBeast drops a video probably probably what every two to four weeks? Yeah, but Lud if you're a youtuber you want that you want that? Mr. Beast line you don't want the Santa line you be like, but that means that just means people are discovering I'm a peak but everybody already knows Santa. There's also more ad revenue in December. So you're dumb You know, you don't really want her in co vid. Was that you? What the little hon thing? Oh, it wasn't me. I was like, I get it up there. We probably pretty. Yeah, we were wearing masks in the north.

That was a good. That was a good thing. Thanks. I didn't even get back. What's the point? I didn't need it. You're immortal. Well, I don't have it up there. But you the elves, you're like, you guys do what you want. Nope.

Didn't even. Did you check? No, I didn't check. It was kind of a don't ask don't tell policy situation. Is that the way? No, that's how a lot of things go down in the North Pole. A lot of things. It's funny.

You guys abolished the police, but also weren't really hype on vaccines. They're kind of libertarian. Yeah, it's very libertarian. What's the age of consent at the North Pole, boy? 18. All right, good. Good answer. Good answer.

Good answer. All right, he called back. About to find out how sweet I was. I was a little sweet hearted, a little dark. You're not sweet at all, even a little bit. I don't believe it. Hey, don't say it. Yo, what up?

I'm on the pod and I had just a question for you. Okay. In my youth when I was a kid because you know me other kid was I? generally naughty or nice I don't think you were ever naughty in your life What oh my god you fucking paid him you know that not even this in you really they don't believe you Actually, they think I was what's the naughtiest thing he ever did Now you really I don't I can't think of like literally any naughty things you guys didn't even fucking a couple times I used to beat off next to you when we had sleepovers

Okay, and then first bit in the wheel Wow that's crazy. That's like dead ass like 12 times That's like dead ass like 12 times Jacked off beside him like yeah The completion yeah be my shit till I came you were got you just got on my head because I knew what jacking off was I was like 12. I was older and you're in a blanket, huh? You're in a blanket Yeah, I'm under the blanket and I'm beating my shit bus it all on that blanket I'm bus on the plane. It'd be gross because you could you were you bus. I don't think I could bus Yeah, I think early days when I was first beaten. Oh

Nothing came out. It was all pledge word. It was all pledge. It was all it was all over the game Practice I said this for I had there was this guy in school who used to say, he used to make fun of other kids. He'd be like, y'all have clear cum. Which was an insanely custom emo, or not emo, insult. Did that guy get presents that year? Probably not. His name was Nick Fry. But he's not completely wrong because I think usually when you jack off for the first time

it's like clear, right? Yeah, but he was saying it to people without knowing that. He would just say it to make fun. He would say it to Mr. Donahue, the teacher. I was asking if a bully in his school got presents or not. No, he didn't get presents. Thank God. I was about to...

The whole fabric of morality was about to disrupt there if you said yes, he got presents. Actually, I think he might have got a dirt bike. I think he might have got an awesome red dirt bike. This is awesome red dirt bike. He's barking that, John. He's like, hey, you might have got a dirt bike Yeah, I think you might have got an awesome red dirt bike This is awesome red dirt bike He's barking that John He's like, hey you have clear cum Pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb Do that one you're a bad child 100% though Alex though what you're starting fucking fires That was when I was 19 that was my grandpa's fault Santa do you an arson charge no no we we didn't get charged because he's so old but

Dude one time Like behind my house like on our land where these like four houses, like they're old, old, old, old. And like we would use them for, um, for like storage, but they're like all this like brush and grass had grown up and it was like the middle of fucking winter. So it was like dry and windy. And he's like, Hey, come with me. We're going to go, we're going to go burn all this. And I'm like, hell no, we're not doing that. It's like, it's windy. Like that's going to be a problem. No. He's like, well, I'm going hell no, we're not doing that. It's like it's windy like that's gonna be a problem. No He's like well, I'm gonna go do it without you. I'm like, okay, well, I'll go with you. So We start doing it and I have screenshots from my like old Twitter

I have like a photo of me and my grandpa starting to burn it and being like burn shit with my grandpa like the thing that text was lighter the tweet was like Was like might sit might face four to six and state pen for this. And then the next photo I tweeted with it is like a fucking house just like on fire. But basically what happened was we started the fire, the wind had picked up and where the wood was so old, it was easily flammable and it just like went up in flames. Did anyone live in that house?

A long time ago, yeah. But like I said, no one had lived there for like ever. We just use it for storage. But dude, it's four fucking houses and it was the craziest shit ever My grandpa's old ass is like trying to like run around and like move around he had like he fell in the dirt I had like pick him up with like the flames at my back It's crazy a fucking light pole almost like fucking Like fell over it was crazy

My dog my fucking wiener dog jumped out of the truck and was like fucking scurrying around and shit. This is like one of those AI videos. It's the craziest thing I've ever happened to be sweating talking about it. And all the houses burned down? Yeah, all of them. Did it get close to like your grandpa's house? Uh, no, because it was like so far, it was like a field between us. But my neighbor was a farmer and their like potato houses were right across like this like

Tree line or like a ditch and the it almost like burnt all their shit up Let me let me understand something so you went up to you went to these houses you lit them on fire And then you went oh fuck they're on fire No, they're burning brush burning like dead grass because it was like it had grown up So he was just trying to get rid of the grass? Yeah. The flammable grass that's dry. I just, it's like an insane idea. That's what I said. It's a normal thing to do, but what?

No, sometimes you lit your acreage on fire. That's just what you do. Dude, funniest part, the photo I have of me and my grandpa doing it, he's wearing like a shy-sty and for whatever reason, these like fucking like Air Max 95s that like my older cousin My older cousin was like Okay I get it now, it wasn't his grandpa at all

He's like oh also he was like really short and I don't know why and he kept calling me cousin and it was weird Dude if my older cousin was a minor league baseball player and he would just leave like drip for my grandpa and so my grandpa would just like dress like a former but would have like Air Max's and shit on all the time and it was the funniest shit But yeah we burned down those four houses. It's all around. No What's your most country story that you probably could have just said that one it might be the most country one. Yeah The fire department coming like yeah, hell yeah. Okay. Oh absolutely I got them prisoners you can see the smoke from town like 10 miles away. Wow.

Yeah, people were asking me about it. There might be like not a lot of people in your hometown. 6,000. That's not a lot. But people saw it and were like, yeah. Mine's eight. Mine's five. 11.

Probably like 2.3 million. A lot. We're a bunch of little country bumpkins, aren't we? We are some country bumpkins. We never had shit, dude. We never had nothing damn dick Well, just anything wrong. You're saying you pretty much have shit all year. Yeah I could ever need you an endless sack

So most shit I've had some time. Yeah, so no speakers you name it. Well, okay. That's not easy you ever did What's not easy you ever did? Oh The naughtiest shit I ever did. What's the naughty shit you ever did? Oh, the naughtiest shit I ever did. We know Nicks. Well, one time there was this kid, Dylan, at my house. And I was like hanging out with him and Rob and I was like 10. And my mom was like, be good. I won't be gone long, but you got to make sure you guys don't get in trouble.

I was like 10. And then Dylan was so fucking annoying and I hated him for no reason that he had to leave because he had a dentist appointment. So I changed all the clocks in my house an hour ahead so he would leave sooner. Wow. And that worked? And it worked. I sold it and everything. I was like, Oh, bro, bro, it's like four, bro, don't you have to go home? He's like, Oh, no, I'm gonna get in trouble. He rides his bike home. And when he gets home? He gets home to his mom and she's like, why? You didn't have to come home so early. And he got confused.

He calls me because we used phones back then. He's like, yeah, it's weird. Like, I don't know. It's not the time that it was at your house. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. My house has a different time. Yeah. And then he just didn't come back and I was happy.

Anyway, my mom comes home, she instantly figures it out. She was so fucking. And this is why I think I turned out to be a better person is because she was extremely mad at me. And then she made me write letters of apology to them. Oh, nice. And I was grounded for a week and I wrote both of them, even Rob, who I liked.

And I was like, I had to write. Did Rob leave? No, he hung out. He's my best friend. So so sorry. The other kid you tricked. And then you're like you don't think oh no cuz he didn't oh Okay, yeah, so we didn't care. We just balled out and I was like this is what I wanted I want to hang up my actual friend not fucking pussy Dylan. Well, hey, it was did Rob hate Dylan No, he didn't care. He was really cool He just like didn't beef with anybody. That's chill.

Yeah, that's why I like them so much. And yeah, I had to write him notes. And I remember running into their houses, crying, handing him the note and just running out and going to my mom's car. And she's like, you feel good now? Like, no. I did a very similar thing. I think I've maybe said this before, but I was at my like best friend growing up's house.

And it was just like a particular hangout that was like really boring Doing nothing I was bored but I'd already committed to coming over when I texted my mom and I'm like mom Can you come get me? I'm like, it's so boring here. I just texted the hell on accident Oh, he's sitting right next to me. That's tough. And then he gets it and I'm like, I'm like literally I literally shot off my phone while it was sending hoping it wouldn't send Oh And I'm like literally, I literally shut off my phone while it was sending hoping it wouldn't send. And it just still sent. And he gets it. And I know he got it because I can tell he's looking at his phone, he's kind of looking at me.

And I tried to play it off like it was a joke. Yeah, that's the only play you have. I was like, I was just like, ah, got you. And then he did not buy that it was a joke. I didn't sell it. Like, and that was just really awkward. And he's just like, I mean, you can leave. Dude. And I was like, oh. What were you guys doing? I was like, oh, just lying in my, I was lying. Like and that was just really awkward and he's just like I mean you can leave dude I was like oh you guys do I was like oh just lying to my mom. I was lying I just like feel sick. It was so bad

Dude like fuck all like normally we would like get the we'd like play fucking games or do something We were just like sitting around doing nothing. Do you couldn't just be like man? I'm gonna go home I don't know why I was a kid. I thought how old were you 23 when we were neighbors, I moved away from that house Yeah, this was Noel and David John. I was somewhere between like 8 and 10. Oh, okay. You had a fucking phone You were I don't get me started. Where'd you get a phone? So you gave him a Macbook my grandpa my grandpa His rate his hand-me-down razor in the second grade.

Dude. I think I got it in seventh grade. Third grade. It was seventh grade because I had soccer. My mom was like, you need to text me when you're done with soccer. So you didn't get abducted? Yeah, basically. I had razor, motor-roll razor, the Envy, not the Envy 2, the chunky one. The Envy was a cool one. That's the one that like flipped up or whatever.

And I think that's, yeah, it was like a full keyboard, like side flip. And I think iPhone 1. Damn, you're the first iPhone dude. You had bread. I paid for it with my allowance. The naughtiest thing I've ever done. What is it, bro? Come on now.

You don't want to say it, but you have to because Santa's here and he asked you. I mean, probably. Sleeping with my friend's ex-girlfriend. Oh, Lord, you could have kept that one close to your chest. It was a real naughty one. We might cut that one. Does your friend know? Yeah. The big is a? Yeah. It's a big, it's a big deal.

It changed my, I don't know, it changed the way I act forever. I don't know what you want me to say. Hell, that's a naughty boy. Nasty, yo! That was funny. It was years ago. Huh? Years ago.

Yeah, it was. Oh my god, imagine a conversation with Aiden Pre that happened to him. Oh my god, he was probably in suffering. I think I was like 20. Oh, I don't understand. Did it really change everything for you? Yeah. You were like, I gotta be better.

Yeah, it was a huge and bucket point in my life. Was this a friend that when we were in Texas, you like drunkenly texted? Oh. Hey bro, by the way. Oh, hey, bro. It was like that. We were in Texas. We were in Texas. Aiden's drunk.

We're like in the car on the way back from a party. Of course, Aiden's driving. He's not. And he's like, he's a drug scene. He's like, he like drunkenly thinks of, I think this happened, this friend, this happening and like apologizes way later for it. Like I had already. Yeah, he had already, but he just randomly thought of it again. And he like reopens the dialogue in the back of the car on text.

I think I did do that. And I was just like, who are you talking to? And he's like, he's like crying. He was like emotionally. He's like, I fuck it. I fucked this shit up. No, I almost did that. I felt bad.

That's so sad. Really? I almost did that. I felt bad. That's so sad. Really? I almost did that. I didn't do it. Well, you can't close. Yeah, I was as close as you can get. But you can't close.

No, I backed out. Did you give detail? Yeah, I can't do this. It was like, yeah, it was my friend's ex. She was butt-ass naked. She was butt-ass? I was butt-ass naked. You were butt-ass?

Caught him on. Caught him on your pee? On your pee? And then I backed out. That's crazy. Wow. At the fucking 99 yard line. I was at the 90 and I never done it before. And I was like.

That's kind of like in principle, you did it. You know? Yeah, it's just. I didn't do it. You saw her nipples. Yeah, you did it. We saw her nipples. Our nipples. What? That's not doing it.

She saw your penis hard. Yeah, but I seen his hard and his nipples. You haven't seen my penis What? That's not doing it. She saw your penis hard. Yeah, but I seen his hard. And his nipples. You haven't seen my penis hard. That's not hard! Okay. It's... Hey. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. That's a... Hard is naughty, soft is just fun. That's what I'm saying! Hard is like... No, he did. He showed you that picture that one time.

Oh, shit. That was on the podcast. That was on the show. Hold on. Hold on. I was here. No, you did. He did he showed you that picture that one time He was pushing his penis down in that right in that long time he took a little Solicited by all of them. Yeah You were going through my phone and I had fucking big Funny cuz I was just scrolling through slimes camera roll for something Oh my god forgot about that all of a sudden. It's a photo like top frame to bottom frame penis Just his penis. It looked like Godzilla. It looked like a small set of toy cars, but they made a dog

And it was like like the TV remote next to it. Yeah, yeah. You got an iPhone but it's a 3G. It's another iPhone? Yeah. It was a 5 on 10. What was funny is it was just like, use your penis. Zero context.

Like you weren't in the photo. The rest of your body wasn't in the photo. That's like vintage guy who doesn't know how to take a dick pic, dick pic. No, yeah, I didn't. Well, my girlfriend at the time asked me. And I was like, I can do that. I have all the tools to do that.

Here's the picture of it. Yeah. She was like, I want to see it. And I'm like, OK, all right. Yes, chef. I've added a rubble. That's not mine. I don't know.

I think that's not mine. Why would I put it next to a red Gatorade? Imagine sending her just like some other giant dick. Yeah. Like, yeah, this is me. She's like, I don't. She's like, no, it's not. No, it's not I've seen seen yours different like nuts It's the lighting. How do you sing I ever did was actually to Christian. He forgot about this. I think

But what you do the guy who said I've never seen you be naughty. You were not him I was not even my god You were fucking pulling the wool over his eyes I go to his house because he used to go all the time and we were hanging out and then he had to leave And I was staying behind because I had eyes. I go to his house, cause he used to go all the time, and we were hanging out, and then he had to leave, and I was staying behind cause I had to like, I wanted to sleep in, but before I left, he had a bunch of like N64 games. He always had more N64 games than me,

and he had like the, you know how the old N64 games came with like a fun little packet? Yeah. It would be like the instructions, and they had like a little art in it. Yeah. I took like 15 of them. You took all the instruction. I took all the instruction manuals and I brought them back to mind to read.

Yeah, but that doesn't matter. He sells the games. Yeah, but I never. F***ed up. But I never told him. And then maybe two years later, he comes over and we're like, we're like, oh, let's play like old school. Like, let's play the N64 and he looks and he sees him and he like, he knows the games. I have all games he has. He's like, he's connecting the dots.

And he's like, why do you have this? And I'm like, oh, I took him from you a long time ago. Wow. I never told him. I robbed him blind. Did reading that shit as a kid is't as like exhilarating it's amazing It's harder than playing the game itself the guide bro the god with the art prima guys used to go crazy Oh, I loved him prima guide for about the guys sapphire They used to release these like double guys with every main Pokemon game

So you get like the the strategy guide which helped you with the story if you wanted But then for a while they'd release the Pokedex that would accompany it So you get this like huge thick book with like every single Pokemon And then look up Prima guide Pokemon Ruby Sapphire And it was so sick and then I'd get the dual book package with every Pokemon game I bought The art was fucking dope And then they'd have like Pokedex over you can complete it like in the book Yeah, that's cute

You can like mark off where you got It's they have like Pokedex over you can complete it. Like in the book. Yeah, that's cute. You can like mark off your God. It's like your actual Pokedex. Yeah. Dude, and I ever tell you guys how we fucking... I didn't take part in this, it was not my plan, but I was complicit, where this kid got his magic cards just absolutely ravaged.

Literally, they broke into his locker. Like this, my friend in middle school, last day of eighth grade, he's friends with this other guy, we play magic. There's like six of us. There's not a lot. He breaks into his locker, goes through his decks, takes every rare, leaves the rest.

Dude, that's worse than just taking you to a home. I would get ass, kill myself, and make that kid hate the rest of his life. Bro, and then this kid finds out, it's the end of the year. School's literally out. We're all just out in the, you know, waiting for the buses and stuff.

There's a ton of kids out. He's just crying, just going through his magic cards. He's like, they took all my rares. The kid that stole them puts his arm around him. He's like, it's okay, bud. We'll fucking figure it out, dude. It was insane. I just knew all this was happening.

I didn't really care. Did you find out? You stood there and did nothing. I did nothing. He, wait, how'd you know? Cause he took his, the kid who did it told me he was gonna do it. You should be killed Ah, you should have said something that's not a Santa don't see something. That's why you don't get anything That was pretty naughty. It was pretty fucked up

But I felt like detached from it enough or I was like, I don't want it like you don't want the smoke Also, I thought the other kid that stole it all was cool I like you know, I was a kid and he's like, well, He's cool. I would I fuck that up. He'll hate me forever Fuck him, dude. I know I'm fucking I know no come on Don't show me been naughty cuz you see iPods all the time at gym class. Yeah, there's easy pickin I never was like stealing shit Stealing I was still something like a gas station. Yeah, yeah I was like that and, I don't know.

Every now and then I'll put like Burt's Bees in my pocket or something if the line's long. Still? Now? I'm sorry. That's crazy. Say it to what? Can we, Zippor, can we, can we?

Yeah, we're actually gonna get that far down. Yeah, I haven't stolen in a while. Wait, one more thing I was gonna ask. You know, still from corporations? I used to, but I stopped. I still I still steal pens from restaurants. I told you guys that once. Yeah.

The comments lit me up for that. I used to like if I'm at a restaurant, sign in the check. It's like a really nice pen. I'm like, oh, this is my pen now. What's worse, leaving your baby outside on the sidewalk on the ground or for 30 minutes or taking a pen from an Applebee's? A million pen. I used to try to steal. I used to steal shit from Target just for the game of like, yeah, can I get the motion plate to like accept two items, but I only rung up one.

They don't, they build a case up against you and then when it, once you've stolen enough, they hit you with like felony charge. Oh, once you reach the dollar threshold. The Target, you know what? No. Yeah, they just keep track until they can put you away for it. If you go to the same not? No. Yeah, they just keep track. Until they can put you away for it. If you go to the same target? Yeah.

How do they even keep track? It's just facial recognition shit? Same way they caught Luigi, bro. There's no way they can save your facial data. Really? There's no way. Guy thinks that they can't. Dude, you literally can probably open your phone with your, like, face right now. I'm saying, like, that they have to disclose that, don't they?

Oh, we would think so. Do you read that shit? They start saying I'm saying like that they have to disclose that don't they oh Do you read that shit Luigi got caught at a McDonald's using a facial kiosk they caught him who uses their ID at McDonald's Nobody that's so bad That didn't caught up for hash browns. That's how they caught him was off of the kiosk That's what they thought it was a guy This is a conspiracy and there's also you a piece in the water anyway Thank you so much Alex smoke Santaana for coming onto the yard. Merry Christmas everyone. I appreciate you coming on.

Merry Christmas. Yeah, you have anything you want to promote? Yeah, we've been doing the Gamer Gauntlet Challenge and I stream like once a month because I'm addicted to WoW, but I'm live man, get in there. He's not addicted to WoW. His gnome mage is what, level 17? You actually don't play the game. We did Deadmines last night for the first time. It was exhilarating. He's not addicted to WoW, his gnome mage is what, level 17? You actually don't play the game. We did Deadmines last night for the first time, it was exhilarating. He's not addicted to WoW, he's been playing for four hours. My first time playing ever.

Anyway, him and Nick are gonna be doing this challenge for the next couple years, so make sure to tune in. We'll be live doing it, baby. It'll never end. It's not about beating it, it's about enjoying your time there. I know that. Okay. I know that.

All right, well, see you in the primo. Alex will be gone, but we'll still have Christmas decorations up. And Polite got us all cool gifts, and we're gonna open them. We're gonna open them. And Aiden won't be here. Awesome.