The Yard - Ep. 28 - Ludwig got backstabbed by this streamer...
Episode Date: January 19, 2022This week, the boys are fully recovered from Covid and ready to pod. The boys go over the Ninja/Poki beef, what Mizkif would look like bald, and Aiden takes mushrooms at a Thanksgiving dinner....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I'm ready man, let's do this. Yo, what is up?
Wait, hold on, uh, sound is speeding.
Hey, hold on, uh, sound is speeding.
You just copied him.
What's up?
You did exactly what I just did. Do you always want the attention? You just want to be the guy who. Sound of speeding? You just copied him. What's up? You did exactly what I just did.
Do you always want the attention?
You just want to be the guy who did the sound speeding?
Can't make a house out of a hoe.
I'm smoking weed.
I'm smoking weed.
Tell the world.
I had some banger Amos cringe songs this year.
It's starting to get, it's a lot.
Is it still Christmas?
You do a lot of Christmas songs.
I woke up Amon's cringe
He sat in the corner of the office today
And made up maybe five different versions
But it's all to me and Amon's cringe
You know why
There's a place on Amon's cringe street
Oh well
You'll get back
Alright banter dead
Welcome to the podcast.
It's because you shame me for whistling.
So now I sing.
Yeah, that's way better.
Enough for me.
You're the softest hands I've ever seen.
I'm going to fuck your hands.
I can't do it hard.
I try to do it harder than him.
He said he wants to fuck my hands with his dick.
He came up here. It's like a hand job, but I You can't. He said he wants to fuck my hands with his dick. That's right.
He came up here.
It's like a hand job, but I'm in control.
He climbed up the ladder, and then he did a yoga pose.
He kind of sprawled his knees out.
I was like the Sphinx.
Yeah, he was like a Sphinx, and then he just started farting for like 10 seconds.
I had to say stop like eight times for it to be over.
Dude.
But it did nothing. There was a moment the other day
where he farted and it was so long and he was like laughing the whole time i didn't break i
didn't laugh but i left and i was like so impressive no i'm really glad yeah it's like
we didn't even take a week off it's like we didn't even take a week off we're just right back i do
feel like we've been apart for quite a while what's up you were gonna say something about the
cringe uh cacophony that's been happening.
Oh, he tries to soften the blow because
every five songs or so,
every five songs or so, he'll
make up a nice one. He'll make like
a cute, like I'll start, I'll be on the
edge. I'll be like,
and then he's ready to go. And then
he'll just swap the song into
Aimin. He'll be like, Aimin is my
best friend, but he's also cringe. I'll be like, Aimee is my best friend, but he's also cringe.
I'll be like, Aimee is real pogchamp.
No, he's fucking cringe.
And I'll just switch up
on him. Sometimes they do
a nice move for real. Actually, if you get arrested
in Iran for journalism,
that's what they do to you.
They put you in a fucking gulag hole
and they sing cringe songs about you, but sometimes
they make you, they're like, and you're a good journalist. That's actually the new gulag hole and they sing cringe songs but sometimes they make you they're like
and you're a good journalist and that's actually the new gulag in call of duty is they do that
yeah that was uh one of the torture scenes in argo uh welcome back to the yard episode number
uh 28 28 wow barely legal episode 28 very legal you can can kinda you can fuck who everybody
everybody you want
yeah you can fuck
any episode aged
podcast episode
of age
it's three years away
from when Jerry Seinfeld
was dating an 18 year old
three episodes away
was it?
it was 17 right?
I thought it was like
40 something
wasn't it all
Jer Bear on that
17 train?
I don't think he was 31
I think he was like
I don't
you know what
I don't know
I don't want Jerry on my ass I remember this being bad let's steer clear if we're gonna dunk on someone today. It's got to be
Nation dare all right, so what the fuck my question there's drama going on right now
They do you so you had you juiced up. I know nothing about it
You went you went and just fucking,
you're like,
juice me, baby, juice me.
See, I thought I knew,
but this shit is updating
by the minute.
That's right.
So my question is, Ludwig,
this podcast is going to come out,
audio on Wednesdays,
video on Thursdays,
and it's going to be
extremely dated.
Yeah, no one cares.
How do we make this interesting
to talk about right now?
Predictions?
I don't think
there are many predictions.
I think the dust has settled,
but I think you know what is perennial?
Dunking on Ninja.
You know what the perennium is?
Yes, I do.
And he's like one of those.
Rude.
Do you guys know what that is?
No.
I thought we were talking about the perennial nerve.
The perennium is the scientific term
used by doctors and science for the gooch.
Whoa.
Or taint.
Yeah, no, I got there.
Or grundle.
And you're saying Ninja is the taint of Twitch streams.
I am.
Hey, I don't want to dog my number two, right?
I don't like punching down is what I'm saying.
Sure, yeah.
What was he?
You know how you're number six on like that earnings list that came out or
whatever?
What was Ninja on that?
I don't remember.
He was not anywhere of
note.
He was not top ten.
I don't think he was
top twenty.
Hey, it's not a
competition, number one.
I just say my finger
hurt when I was
scrolling.
I was just like, does
the scroll work?
I can't even see it.
You have, okay,
remember your old video
that I've actually
returned to because I've
been playing Kingdom
Hearts where you do the whole lore in one minute?
One minute recap?
You have one minute to recap the drama.
Okay.
And if you go over, I'm going to fucking not even.
And Nick, at the end, you need to re-surmise it because you don't know any of the drama.
Yeah, you have to retain the knowledge.
And if you go over a minute, I'm going to break something that you enjoy.
That's right.
If I get it under a minute, I am going to break something you enjoy.
No, it's only if I don't.
Well, what does he get
if he wins?
Yeah, what do I get
if I win?
A smooch?
What about a smooch?
The reward of having
explained it to your
close friend.
I'll smooch you.
I want both of you
to smooch me on my cheek.
I won't do that.
I'll officiate.
Yes, you will.
I'll officiate this.
HR says you will.
All right.
And Stopwatch
is going now.
So Pokimane
got a hate raid from a streamer known as Jideon,
who's a new streamer, and he sent his viewers over,
said L plus ratio.
He got banned for 14 days because of this,
because you can't do that.
After he got banned, he changed his profile picture
to Poki without the makeup.
He talked a lot more shit, did a lot more tomfoolery,
got perma-banned.
A lot of shit came out.
During that, though, however, Ninja was defending Jideon,
and in his defense, he was like,
I'm going to try to get you unbanned.
I'll text my partner manager.
Pokey's like, that's weird.
Why would you do that?
Why would you go out of your way to defend him?
You're the big shot of the platform.
Jess, Ninja's wife, messages Pokey, says he didn't do that.
Pokey's like, here's the clip of him saying it.
Ninja messages Pokey saying, I swear in my grandfather's life, I did not do that.
Pokey's like, okay, I don't fucking care.
You just messaged me that you do that. Pokey's like, okay, I don't fucking care. You just messaged me that you did that. Then, after
Pokey leaked all this on stream,
they send a message to Pokey saying
you better lawyer up, asshole,
because we are gonna sue you for defamation
basically is the context of that.
Judeon has since apologized.
That saga has ended. It is now the Dunk Ninja
saga, and that's where we stand today.
One in time. Well done.
He has earned one smooch.
Yeah, I'll give the smooch.
But what I'm confused about is...
Is there a video?
Of what?
She said that there's a clip.
There's a literal clip of him on stream going,
Yeah, okay, text your manager.
Yeah, I'll text my manager.
What's your name again?
Okay.
All right, I sent the text, guys.
I sent the text.
Wait, so he is saying, on God, I did not
do the thing in the clip. On his dead-ass grandfather.
He says, on my
grandfather, who has just recently
passed away.
Those are the words that he uses.
We got this from Pokey showing us
her phone at the camera
with the DM from Ninja. It's damning.
It's pretty crazy. And then he says, you made a big
mistake. Yeah, you're making a big mistake. It's pretty crazy. And then he says, you made a big mistake.
Yeah, you're making a big mistake.
It's a three-message line, and he said, it's crazy.
Was he hitting crack rock?
I don't understand.
How can you say any of those things?
He's cringe.
So I think what we've discovered is he faked sending a message live.
That's what he has to claim because there was video of him texting,
so he has to be like, I actually didn't do it.
the claim because there was video of him like texting so he has to be like i actually didn't do suing for threatening to sue for defamation when you're this famous is never not funny to me
because you will never win i took so many classes on that threatening to sue for defamation after
trying to get people to floss at new year's eve like the judge brings it up. Like, sir, how far down
do you think you can go?
I'd love a
prosecution exhibit, eh?
Your Honor, I'd like to bring
Sonny V2 to the stand.
He's just fucking depressed.
So yeah, he did this one, and then
goes behind with the arms.
Oh, there it is. Oh my god.
Yeah, that's the drama.
That is so fucking stupid.
What sucks about this is Ninja, you got your 50 mil.
You could just never do anything ever again.
You could just do anything with your life.
You don't have to participate in this at all.
If I had that money, I would never click the stop screen.
And this is nothing compared to when Ninja killed that kid. True.
No, that's not compared to that, because
he was kinda, at the end of the day, he was just
like, look, I mean, he
was snarling at me like a dog.
Yeah, and he was saying that Chug Chug is OP
and that we should bring back the double
shoddy meta, and that's something that's
death worthy, if you ask me.
I can't believe
he wants double pump back.
Yeah, I think.
And that's what Pokey's upset about.
It shows how you can reach insane levels of success
and still just be a dumb c***.
Yeah, or ultimately.
He's the past, by the way.
This is a big lesson in that the money never really gives you
what you really need.
Money didn't change me.
I'm still dumb as f***.
I stayed dumb as fuck.
It's not about being dumb as fuck.
It's about having this like sucking,
disgusting, dirty pit in your heart
that never goes away
that money just doesn't fix.
And that's beautiful.
You think that of everyone all the time.
But that's true.
He's right.
He's right.
Yeah, but my pit's full.
Yeah, your pit's always been full though.
Because if you get the 50 mil,
if you get the 50 mil,
why are you playing Final Fantasy in League
when you could just put it all in the S&P
and you could go travel the world?
And these are my aspirations
that I'm putting on another man.
Yeah.
I just imagined the S&P,
but like survival multiplayer as an index fund.
The Dream S&P?
That index fund pops off.
I take my 401k money out
and I put it in that shit.
Are they,
is Ninja handling most of this
privately and Pokey most of it publicly?
Ninja
was saying all this very publicly.
He dealt with none of it privately.
It was all through Jess. It was all through his
wife. No, but he sent a DM to Pokey
main. He did send it a little after.
Isn't like the easy...
Maybe I'm confused. Isn't the easy response
to just be like, oh, I can see how you thought I did this. Well, here's the proof that I didn't. Isn't like the easy, maybe I'm confused. Maybe, isn't the easy response to just be like,
oh,
I can see how you thought I did this.
Well,
here's the proof that I didn't.
Can't you just do that?
Ninja,
you mean?
Yeah.
I,
well,
I think so.
What happened originally
is Jess was like confusing.
It was a miscommunication
where like,
Pokey's like,
okay,
I saw the clip of this happening
and just like,
oh,
he never sent the message ever.
And like,
she's talking on his behalf,
which is just weird.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
And she sent a reply that was like, hey, how about you let your boy put up his dukes let's see
what he's got in the ring when we were talking about this in the gym i was like that's how you
know jess is a day one yeah so best case that's how you know she's the one best case scenario for
for uh old ninja bears is that he actually didn't send it, but they just handled it like weirdos.
Yes.
And Pokey just assumed he sent it based on his actions,
which makes a lot of sense.
And that's the situation, and it'll just fizzle out and die.
Yeah, and the only reason it's so fun
is because of the message that Pokey leaked.
Yeah.
Which, by the way, I'm going to say it.
Okay.
Fuck Pokey.
Whoa.
I am against Pokey. Okay, fuck pokey. Whoa. I am whoa against pokey
Situation what do I listen the the face of mobile me up male? I don't know what to think right now pokey
Dm me this is worse than when she was dealing ketamine the children so true
Pokey DM me with a screenshot of the message. She eventually posted on Twitter of the you're gonna get sued
We're coming for defamation, we're coming
for 30 cent, whatever.
And I replied with this
screenshot of the
lawyer, me and her, being lawyers,
sitting down. Zipper, can you pull up her tweet real
quick? She one-to-one
jacks my joke and
tweets it out. And she doesn't ask?
She doesn't ask. She just jacks.
Streamers are lazy and unfunny.
I know this because I was on the Austin show, and I had to deal with it firsthand, me and
Stav back-to-back with machine guns.
He was on a dating show.
That's it.
That's so funny.
And so, of course she's going to take it, bro.
None of you guys fucking ever thought up something funny in your goddamn life.
It was me.
It was me, the humor.
I want likes.
It is funny though because
you sent it to her but
the screenshot is just a tweet that someone
else tweeted. Well yeah. So you stole
that. Yeah. Wait. You did?
No way. It was a meme.
Go back. Go back. Go back.
You're like saying you can't post a meme.
The meme is the guy and it says
damn bro I'm going to jail. These are my lawyers.
Yeah but you didn't like you just found that from whoever else tweeted.
I searched it up.
I get it.
It's like a one year old.
I get it.
You're mad at her for using the meme.
You sent her that you didn't make.
He he has a little more claim to it.
It was an applicable meme.
I think he's right.
I have the tightest memes.
I think he's right.
I lifted that from.
That's what that's a name. You lifted me. That's a name I have the tightest memes. I think he's right. I lifted that from Amon. You lifted me.
You lifted me.
That's an Amon lift.
Wait a minute.
That's actually my tweet.
Because I was going to say, I was going to say, this is just high level Khalid responding
to the Genesis post.
It's different.
The theme here is that as soon as you levy the threat of a lawyer, you are the asshole
in this situation. No, you better lawyer up, lawyer, you are the asshole in this situation.
No, you better lawyer up, asshole.
You are the asshole who's lawyering up.
Because I'd cut in for 20%.
What the hell?
Okay.
Oh, hey.
Come on.
Look at this hole.
That is gross.
Show the camera now.
What's wrong with the hole?
It's such a huge hole.
It's a giant hole in his sock.
Come on, man.
You're just trying to get us off the topic.
I'm just getting rowdy.
I think the consistency in these situations is,
I think as soon as you want to bring legal counsel
into something where the solution was probably just to say,
like Ninja wins in this situation by saying to Pokey,
hey, I just wanted uh placate the fans
who were bugging me about this i didn't actually send the text uh just wanted you to know that i'm
saying and then oh oh it's great situation diffused it kind of seems like one of those things where
like maybe your wife's instinct is to like defend you really fast maybe she already doesn't like
i don't
know and then when there becomes drama there or anyone says anything negative to her he feels the
need to like be more aggressive or defensive in this situation i don't know it makes no sense to
me that it was handled this way i think if you if you replace them like dead ass you replace them
as like instead of a gamer influencer and is like gamer brawless wife
yeah you instead replace them as youth pastors it makes way more sense i know he's right they're
just as cringe and as lame and as socially inept and as stupid and as worthless yeah this kind of
this kind of plays out to me like uh like camp counselors like fighting over a clipboard like
no that's the clipboard that was in my locker and I need
it for the game of tennis that I'm taking
these kids to play. And I'm like, I don't care about
any of it. I just want to play games at
camp. That's right.
And Pokey is also a camp counselor?
No, both of them are the counselors and their problem
doesn't matter to me. I'm just
a kid and I don't want to play soccer.
And your life is a nightmare.
And Eamon's cringe. And it's not fair. Yes, no, maybe. That was the hot kid i want to play soccer and your life is a nightmare yeah and amen is cringe and amen is
cringe and it's not fair okay yes no maybe that was the hot tea but tell us please tell me about
how was it oh you want to hear how was dating me in malkova it's pretty it's pretty look i'm not
gonna sit and rehash my meltdown in the kitchen where i went up to cutie and i was like good
please tell me please tell me that other people try.
Because people on that show, you know how I get, man.
When something's not funny, I get really frustrated.
Especially when there's people who have this opportunity
and they've sort of gained this traction
and this understanding that, oh, they're the person to watch.
And then you just, they're just not funny.
And it's like, why?
What happened here?
What happened?
Why do we care about someone who's not trying?
And I get it.
Maybe they don't want to be on the goddamn show.
Maybe they're like, oh, do it.
It's favorite Austin, whatever.
I went on the show because Austin asked me,
and I was like, oh, I'm breaking bread.
We're cool now.
I like that.
And I had a lot of fun.
It was me and Stav, Shaq, and Kobe
fucking putting up 30 points each for that game.
It was crazy.
When Stav said he wanted to hang out with your mom?
That was hard. That was hard. That was funny. Yeah. It was crazy. When Stoff said he wanted to hang out with your mom? That was hard.
That was funny.
He made it really, really fun because there was one other. Also, Jack Manifold.
He's pretty funny. I can't believe
that you thought that. Not that
Jack isn't funny. I was just
surprised you were so enthralled
with him. He just, I don't
know. Accent goes away. It's a little different.
True. I would say that there is a layer of cleverness and quippiness that he had that I with him he he just i don't know accent goes away it's a little different true the accent but no i
would say that there is a layer of like cleverness and quippiness that he had that i really respected
and i picked up right away he seemed in that he seemed invested i think it washes the jockeyness
away when he has an accent he becomes more charming and clever if that tiktok guy who was
like hey actually what's your body count if that guy had a british accent yeah he's totally
funny imagine a train tiktok guy doesn't have an accent which is weird oh yeah then people just
like try to get him arrested yeah you gotta stop hanging around trains yeah they don't get out of
amtrak when you pulled out the picture of david chong i laughed so hard and i knew i knew it was gonna whiff yeah but i was just like this
one's for the boys and and that's the best part that dude i straight up i was just like
watching watching uh watching lover host i was just like i there's certain people they aren't
very funny and i'm like oh that's someone who i'm deciding his content sucks based on them being on
the show and not being funny.
But when S-Fan called Dave and Chog Cheech and Chong, I was like, I don't like him as a person now.
Because the words are the same.
Don't you get it?
Look, you shouldn't say that.
Because that's how these fucking streamers think, bro.
It's like, oh, it's like Cheech and Chong because you said the two words that are the same.
And I replied.
I was like, yeah, it's like that.
Yeah, dude, I could see it in your tone of voice.
You were just like
if you gotta feel he streams about 200 hours a month hey i get it bottom of the barrel dude i
dead ass i was thinking that every single time i'm like they stream a lot they they're just trying
to fill they're trying to fill it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine that they're not funny
but you don't have to say anything when someone else is talking that's the problem that is also
the s fan he's not filling s fan is literally that. He's not filling. He's interjecting.
I think it's partially... With a bullshit comment.
Like Adderall King. I don't know.
Look, no
hard feelings, but I feel
like how hard is it
to try at all times?
And maybe it's not about trying. Maybe it's just about being live
all the time and sometimes you hit
1% out of 99 tries.
Whatever. But I... Ultimately, I'm happy. I walked away from that feeling like I did good all the time and like sometimes you hit one percent out of 99 tries whatever but i ultimately
i'm happy i i walked away from that feeling like i did good for the world because i tried hard and
i had a good success rate with bits and me and stav could bounce real real good i like you dipping
your toes a little more in twitch world yeah i a dead ass i austin messaged me and we we buried
the hatchet i love that because i was I was like, hey, I'm sorry.
Like, I think I was really rude to you and that wasn't fair.
And he was like, I'm sorry I said you had potential.
I couldn't tell if he was like being smarmy at me.
But either way, I was like, look, that's not something I should be mad at.
That's my own thing.
And you did nothing wrong.
That also had a 50-50 chance of just setting you back off.
I've seen you do that before where you're like,
oh, never mind. It's fucked up again.
Because you know what? If you needed to get a
shot in, I'm okay with that.
Let's keep diving in the Twitch
world. We can start a little beef, fellas.
Oh, with who? Wait, hold on.
Dad, are you sure? Oh, look, Jadion,
look, I don't think he started this
beef for Cloud, but boy, did he get it.
That's true. Trend's trending on Twitter.
You got 50K followers, okay?
That's how it works.
You got to get known so you get big.
Let's start a little beef with a certain bald fucker.
Oh.
Bezos?
Mizkif.
Wait, he's bald?
No, but, you know, almost.
Look, I am someone who loves saying that about people, but I got to say he is not close.
Okay, in the thumbnail of the video, this one, we'll just say
Mizkif goes bald.
We'll Photoshop Mizkif bald.
That's how the beef will start.
I don't mind that.
It will spread propaganda.
Well, it's also a challenge.
Let's send out a challenge to him, and he actually seems like he's down for it.
Okay.
Crew battle.
Smash Ultimate, us versus him.
His crew of flunkies?
His house, his crew of flunkies. house his crew flunkies the same people we
roasted in a bunch of game shows but against us in smash ultimate there's no way we lose right
i don't want to am i dumb they're a little more practice because that's the game they play i'm
scared no if we play tomorrow we lose but the thing is i think no matter what if we go and we
shit all over them that feels pretty good. This isn't for other people.
It's actually for us.
Think about that.
I'm down.
I'm okay if this is not streamed or publicized at all.
This will be publicized.
It has to be.
Are we playing online?
No.
I refuse.
We would have to do it IRL.
We can fly down there.
We fly down there with our-
You guys want to call them out right now?
So here's what happened.
He sent me a message.
He said, yo, my house versus your house, league So here's what happened. He sent me a message.
He said, yo, my house versus your house,
league 10K buy-in.
And I said, lol, Smash Ultimate crew battle,
and I'm in.
And he said, we'd roll you.
Okay. And that's where we stand right now.
He's rolling blunts.
Maybe.
What's the lineup?
Nobody in that house is good at video games
except Simply, right?
Simply is the only one who is a mild threat.
Simply, and I think the rest of them are probably somewhat proficient at smash ultimate yeah like
i think it's they're not like i don't think any of us are necessarily hitters like they play a lot
the pokeballs are on high like i get it yeah will they play by our rules we have to explain crew
battle rules i think no i think they know I think he's generally... Simply would definitely know.
Yeah, they know enough.
I think Miz had ideas of sponsoring maybe like Spargo or something in Ultimate.
Oh, okay.
What if we all learn Rob this month?
That's what I was thinking.
It's just a team of five Rob's.
The easiest path to success.
Regardless, if we do that, Amon will.
That's true. Amon's picking Rob up for sure. The easiest path to success. Regardless of, if we do that, Eamon will. That's true.
Eamon's picking Rob up
for sure.
Whatever sheep-like character.
It's like when your local
ICs is winning at Genesis
and all of a sudden
you're like,
wobble is dumbass.
Bring back wobbling.
I say that a lot.
Like Army,
he is a SoCal ICs player
who got good
and he wobbled.
And then one time
he was at a tournament
away from home
and we were watching it at a local in SoCal.
We were watching it on the big TV.
And he plays against Mango.
And he beats Mango.
It was the first time.
Mango's also from SoCal, mind you.
But he hasn't gone to a local literally since 2016 or something.
But Army was our guy.
So even versus Mango, we were like, let's get him.
That's our guy.
Because that's what's the bond inside of you is your boy.
There just has to be more value in the other guy losing and you become wobbling.
That's right.
So I'm down.
I will take – my Mega Man will take a metal dump.
Call him out.
Call him out.
Hey, what's up, Ms. Crew, you bunch of fucking monkeys?
Oh, Ms. Cringe?
Yuck.
Pew, pew. Hey, from bunch of fucking monkeys. Oh, Ms. Cringe? Yuck. Pew, pew.
Hey, from one bald guy to another,
we're going to wax you with my bald Mega Man.
A punches, just so you're ready.
Just use A to punch.
So I would actually love to go out to Austin
and just take a creamy dump on their faces and mouths.
Retweet plus one.
Yeah.
Bald.
I don't want to dump on the,
I don't want to take
any crazy dumps.
We're going to dump on them,
Amy.
It's going to be creamy.
We'll just win.
We're going to take
a creamy little diaper poop.
That's right.
It's going to be like
shocking.
It's 4v4.
It's 4v4.
We could bring Cutie.
We could bring Cutie.
We could bring a anchor.
Wait, who's their house?
It's Miz,
Crazy Slick,
Russell, Simply, and Does Rich live there Miz, Crazy Slick, Russell, Simply.
Does Rich live there?
Emmy room?
No, I think Emmy would be the fifth, I imagine.
I'm down.
They have a rotating member.
This sounds good.
If Simply can't wipe us and we win.
I think Miz also is better than Simply.
Really?
At Ultimate?
Yeah, and Miz is better than me at Ultimate.
I would love a little challenge.
You know what I'm saying?
We need to practice.
You sound like you don't want to challenge.
Without practice, Miz is like, if I am 100%, he's like 125.
Look, I went to Genesis and I played Ultimate with a random guy there
who plays the game and did well in bracket, and I won our friendlies.
Was he mad?
He was so mad.
They get mad when you do that.
Because I said this
is my first time you said that i've never ever played this game ever before ever let's try it
i did that at my first local i played a guy in pm but i played like a bit of melee and he's like
oh it's pm i was like i've never played before but i'll try and he's like falcon i was beating him
and like i think i got like one rest he all that fours and then he's like he. I was beating him. And like, I think I got like one rest. He ulted F4s. And then he's like, he switches to like his main.
He ulted F4s. You got lipstick on and a giant dress.
And you're like, ooh, I guess I don't know how to play.
Oh man.
I did the same thing.
It was a Genesis after party.
The only setup available.
There was like one melee, one ultimate setup.
Melee was full.
I'm like, all right, I want to play video games.
I sit down with this guy and I'm just like Marth swinging the sword at him,
getting really frustrated and then he like gets mad
and pulls out his cloud
and I'm like,
yeah, that's right.
And he trashed me
but I'm like,
yeah, I made you play.
Love when you make him
pull it out though.
Made you switch.
That's all you need.
All you can do in that moment
to make him hate his life
is like you start playing
and then a friend comes up.
You talk to your friend
while you're playing
and like you tell a funny story
to your friend
and you pause
to finish the story.
You pause. Dude, and then he said and the guy's like that's disgusting i want this game you shouldn't you can't do that nick actually is a psychopath nah i think you enjoy making people
feel bad yeah you play ness no that's that's play ness i think your love i think your newfound puff
is also meant to do that in some ways. No.
These are all incorrect.
I don't think it's from a place of joy and kindness and love.
I think we all enjoy making someone mad on the setup.
If I don't know them.
That's not true. I don't enjoy making someone mad on the setup if I know them.
I actually don't enjoy it.
I don't want to play after that.
Positive pushes everywhere.
I play Ness because he does the fun up air move.
Yeah, but no one likes playing your Ness, so it's for you
only. It's for me only, but I'm not
trying to make you mad and feel good about it. But no one's happy.
Okay, but that doesn't mean that
I like that part.
It just means
I'm doing it for myself. That's a byproduct.
That's what he's saying. Speaking
of Smash, I don't think you've
heard about this. I think it's pretty funny. I won't
say who, but there was a guy on Smash Twitter
that some people might have seen
who after Genesis was delayed,
which is like the biggest Smash tournament,
it was delayed like three months because of COVID.
They're out like something like fucking six figures.
It has to be six figures.
It is six figures.
And they're refunding half of the venue fee
for people who don't want to be a part of it,
I think is how it works.
Yeah, they don't want to go,
they'll refund half.
Yeah.
But it's also getting moved,
so you can just hold on to your ticket.
You could hold on to it,
but if you wanted to be like,
I can't do this date now,
you get half your money back,
and it's a pain.
Like some people's flights.
Keep in mind,
the event was already no refunds prior to this.
Yes.
I think that was one of the important factors.
It's like, if you couldn't go to the original dates,
you couldn't get your money back already.
Yeah, yeah.
That's very crucial.
It's an incredibly crucial piece of information.
The thing, the policy that's very publicly listed on the event
prior to all of this taking place is no refunds at all.
Okay.
Shit situation, though.
Noted.
Events delayed. A bunch of people are out on flights. They. Shit situation though. No good. Events delayed.
A bunch of people are out on flights.
They have to figure out how to get the money back.
But people are being somewhat understanding because at the end of the day, it's a grassroots
scene.
One guy specifically is irate at not getting the full $40 back and only getting $20 back
and tweeted out-
No, was it?
Yes.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought it was the, oh, he wanted the full 40
because it wasn't an 80.
Because it was, yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Okay.
And so,
he tweeted out like,
I want the full money back
and someone was like,
bro, it's 20 bucks.
And then he replied
and was like,
eat shit.
And talked about like
getting a lawyer, basically.
Yeah, he did the.
He did the ninja.
The thread that you,
the thread that you lifted
my meme from. Yes. He did the Spider-Man, the thread the thread that you lifted my meme from
yes
the spider man
the fucking
this is blue buddy right
yes
well he just said
we're not gonna name him
I didn't wanna leak it
but it's pretty public
I guess
yeah
what
it's a giant public
twitter thread
it's just funny
cause he said
I'm not going to name
who it is
and then you just
and then you
and then you came out
to be fair
oh that person right
you can't find his twitter
with blue buddy
Eamon is my regional leaker
cause he did leak
the HROC thing too
so when I don't want to,
Eamon leaks for me.
That's, he's like your anchor translator.
I'd hate for that man
to have to own his public actions.
I agree.
And so everybody's dunking on him.
And I just screenshotted his bio
and it said like spreading love and positivity.
And then I just like replied with that.
And like he sends like a message back
like another person dunking on me.
I was like, hey, I'll pay for your things.
That's what I sent to him.
Yeah, you said you'd pay for his reg and his flight.
Yeah, I'll pay you.
To like shut the fuck up.
Basically, yeah.
I was like, I'll give you money to shut the fuck up.
This part you don't know about, Nick.
We get into like a big DM conversation,
me and this guy who wants his 20 bucks back.
And we're going back and forth.
And I'm like, hey,
you are treating these people
like giant megacorporations
who have billions of dollars
who are taking advantage of you
and not the humans
that actually make the scene function
that you take advantage of
to be able to play this game.
Yeah, it's three people, by the way,
that put Genesis together.
Two?
And they're not loaded.
Oh, it's just two now?
Two.
Yeah, okay, so there you go.
And they don't make big bread from it.
You should see a balance sheet. And the guy's like two now? Two. Yeah, okay. So there you go. They don't make like big bread from it. You should see a balance sheet.
And the guys like every time.
Hold on.
Bobak brought a Prius after running Genesis for four years.
Yes, he did.
And was like, we made it.
This is my win.
The car that every Uber driver gets to do that.
Bobak was happy after four years of running
signed up for doordash next day yeah it's also like like almost no competition like the best
melee event yes yeah it's just like and the super bowl contributes so much to the game and smash
honestly like evo got out bobe sometimes but like yeah it's it's the super bowl so anyway the
conversation goes back and forth where i'm trying to express this. And every single reply he's saying is,
yeah, but you get what I mean, right?
Like, I need my money back.
Like, over and over and over.
This is worth noting, guys,
because Ludwig never does this.
I don't do this often.
I finally get to a point where I'm just fucking annoyed
at how much time I've spent doing this.
And I say, just give me your Venmo.
I'll send you the money.
And I send him the money, and he's like,
thank you, but you get it, right?
Like, this wasn't cool. And then I say, because I send him the money and he's like, thank you. But like, you get it, right? Like this wasn't cool.
And then I say, because I just kind of blow up at that point.
I'm like, hey, I'm going to ban you from any event I run in the future ever.
I put him in my spam so he can't DM me.
And then I went to Aiden and announced a $30,000 free tournament to enter.
Dude, I saw that tweet and I was just like, he has not brought this up once?
This is so random.
Dude, knowing the context, that is the most petty thing that any of us have ever done.
Yeah.
LACS4, brought to you from spite.
That is so fucking awesome.
It's so funny, too.
So we all took a different turn, like, responding to this guy.
I know him, by the way. Us three, personally. You pay for all San Diego players like responding to this guy i know him by the way
yeah yeah i you pay for all san diego i i do not know i wouldn't say i know him personally but i've
definitely like seen him at events right like this is a person who has actively attended melee events
for years that i am familiar with prior to this whole thing happening and but i have no personal
relationship with him i get blocked ever replying with my little
fucking meme right which is like whatever hey you play the game you want you know um i got
blocked after sending him 170 you got blocked after paying him anthony got blocked even though
he has like a a closer relationship with him later that day nick has not interacted with this thread
at all i haven't i didn't like a single tweet in this thread. I saw it was going on, and I was just like, I know him, and I know what's going on.
I get it.
And I was like, I don't care.
I don't care at all.
I'm not going to like any tweets.
I didn't like either.
I didn't like your tweets.
You're very, you stay away a lot.
I'm just like, I don't fucking care.
Like most stuff, you just like back off.
He lets the camp counselors fight while he plays dodgeball.
Exactly.
That's what I want to do. And you finger blast. What dodgeball. Exactly. And you finger blast.
What?
Did you finger blast at camp?
Why are you looking at Nick?
We're talking to you.
You're the one who said it.
I never went to camp.
Loser.
Me and Low are finger blasting.
What happened?
COVID fucked you guys up.
It was supposed to double clap.
He went for a fist bump.
You guys lost your wavelength.
I didn't finger blast.
Hey, we'll finger blast each other.
We'll make up for lost time.
I will make you squirt like crazy.
Anyway, I get blocked in this exchange.
I haven't interacted with anybody.
That's so sick.
So funny that you got a block.
I wanted to check in.
I was like, oh, how's this going?
Did I click?
I was blocked.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Because that means that he went on a tirade where he was just like, click, open, open,
new tab, new tab, new tab.
Okay, I got to go through all the tabs.
I got to click block on all these different people.
And I was just in there.
He blocked a lot of people.
He's not fast like me.
There's no way that...
Maybe I got blocked by a proxy of being your friend.
Dude, the...
That's even funnier.
I think this topic slightly warned, but there there was one because i was just going through it
so much but then there there was one last little little smooch a little gem and it was this thread
where uh kevin deer replied to like one of his other tweets from like a day later where he's
like calling everybody on twitter i don't know like a fucking idiot or something and basically
says like this wouldn't hold up in court. This is like legally wrong.
And Kevin basically says, you don't know what you're talking about.
Here's like three links of why everything that has happened is legally okay.
And you have no grounds to what you're saying at all.
He stops replying to Kevin and blocks him.
No, that's champion behavior.
That's champion behavior. Because the argument doesn't exist if you cannot love it. No, that's champion behavior. Yeah. That's champion behavior.
Because the argument doesn't exist if you cannot see it.
That's right.
That's what I do.
Anytime someone comes at me and I get mildly frustrated, I'm like, oh, wait a minute.
I don't have to do this.
This shit's the same.
It's the same thing as the ninja thing.
All he had to do in the original replies was say, hey, actually sucks that i'm not getting all my money
back really was counting on the event happening this weekend i can't attend later uh i i wish i
got the whole 80 or some or you reach out shit like that reach out privately i need this fucking
i actually really need this this bread which i'd argue if you've already spent the hundred dollars
on the ticket on the video game tournament that you have no chance of placing in the money yet don't you don't need it i i think
it's like it's it does suck i i do think there is a very sliver of being like oh man this is kind of
like genesis gambled on covid being okay by now and then they canceled it pretty or pretty close
to the date that i was very two weeks so that's, it's not like they're like golden, like secret little bears that we need to take care of.
But it's like, yeah.
All he has to do is say it like that.
I only have sympathy for the plane tickets.
The event ticket, it's like you are signing up for an event that says no refunds, no matter what.
And you're holding that.
And then something happens.
The same way that if he had plans on Genesis Day, he wouldn't be able to get a refund yeah those are the people i feel
bad for is the the anybody who bought plane tickets that they cannot like pay to change
that blows like shelly fucking uh spent uh like 850 bucks to go right to like on her flights from
the uk or raul raul's like the number one, number two player in France.
Raul lands
in Northern California the
morning of the announcement. This is like
TI, dude. Yeah, it's like
the one guy who had gotten to
Romania and then sees the Valve
tweet and is like,
oh, I just got here from Brazil.
What do I do for two
weeks?
Which is that situation?
Awful.
But yeah.
Speaking of COVID,
we all had it now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had the booster plus COVID plus bald.
Yeah.
And I am now a fortress of recovered strength and power. All doesn't have anything to do with test your COVIDness and do a yard meetup
where every yard member
kisses you.
Every yard member.
Well, not every yard.
A member or a fan?
Us, yard member or yard again.
Every yard again comes
and coughs into my mouth.
All of them.
And it coughs into my mouth.
All of the ones above
the age of 20.
Not just the men,
but the women.
And the children.
And the children.
Every single yard again,
be it from every race
and creed and religion
and age comes and they cough
into my mouth and i will kiss them all i kissed them all yeah it was crazy i i was like i was
telling nick i was i tweeted i was like babbling on the floor just like in a fucking i i was
hallucinating that wolves were just circling me ready to fucking dive in going through it and then
uh and then i just got better.
I think the vaccine got a workout for sure.
And then I had one day where I was like,
that sucks.
And then the next day I was like,
I feel normal.
Yeah.
So, but do you guys have any side effects?
Well, what happened is me and him,
I think like from it since.
Yeah.
Like now I'm fine.
Chunky cum.
No, I think I've, you know what? Like silly string. Ever since know what like silly string ever since i got covid i've been more petty you've been more petty i think i got pissy covid brain not pissy
but petty like i did that thing where i i made a thirty thousand dollar tournament out of pettiness
but also there's a guy in my youtube comments who is like l plus ratio isn't any that big of a deal
i copied his name i put it it in Twitter. I found it.
He has two followers and
I ratioed him.
Oh my God.
That's very dude.
Why are you living like
me now?
I know I have COVID
brain and it's making me
petty.
You're like Venom.
It was like a Venom
Ludwig.
Yeah.
I have gotten more
accepting of things.
Yes.
So your COVID brain has
healed you.
Yeah.
Switched my COVID brain
made me Friday.
Yeah.
We have to fix it.
Well, we don't have to
fix it.
My can remain chunky. Oh, this reminded me. I don't have to fix it. My cum can remain chunky.
I don't know why it reminded me of that.
Not that part.
Do you have that symptom of chunky cum?
Do you have chunky cum?
I do not have it.
That's like the fourth symptom.
It comes out like cottage cheese.
Anyway, update.
My whole family got together this week,
and my sister, who is now listening to the podcast, has her favorite.
It's a favorite by a landslide,
and it was followed up with, I want to hang out with them.
Oh.
You looked at me three times while saying this, so I think it's me.
It's either me or Eamon.
What?
It's Aiden.
Oh.
I can't pick it up.
She was very stoked on Aiden. Oh. I can't think of that. She was very stoked
on Aiden's vibe.
Wow.
The vibe.
No, it's because she wants
to dunk on you, bro.
She's also gay.
That's probably
what he's going to say.
I was like,
also maybe it's like
the gay gene.
The gay gene.
No, that was what I guessed.
Maybe it's a little bit
of a gay.
I'm also gay.
I've been saying that.
I can be gay for her.
I'm so gay.
I'm so gay. I'm going to be gay for your gay sister saying that. I can be gay for her. I'm so gay.
I'm gonna be gay for your gay sister so bad.
Uh, yeah. Congratulations.
I got your mom. Aiden's got your sister.
Ludwig hasn't gotten a favorite yet. No.
Ludwig's a hard favorite to have. That's like saying
your favorite character's Naruto. Yeah, or like
Super Mario. You're Mario.
My main's Mario because I
like Mario from Super Mario.
Yoshi, Wario, Waluigi
No I'm Bowser
I want to be Bowser
Isn't he more Luigi because Luigi gets dunked on so much
One time I think you'd like this
So my mom
Would sew
Costumes for me
When I was a kid
And my costume one year was Waluigi
Actually two years I did Waluigi two years in a row
and there was a costume contest
at a pumpkin patch
and I went on stage
and did the Mario Party 3
winning animation
as Waluigi.
Dude, is there video?
Maybe.
Do your best Waluigi.
You have to ask.
Do it.
Do what you did.
Do it.
You're at the pumpkin patch.
I don't remember it.
He does like the fist pumping.
Do your best Waluigi.
Go ahead. Shut up and do it. That Do it. You're at the pumpkin patch. I don't remember it. He does like the fist pumping. Do your best Waluigi. Go ahead.
Shut up and do it.
That's it.
That's it.
Okay, now do the Mario Strikers celebration that Waluigi does.
Yeah.
He does that?
Yeah.
He does that.
This is mind blowing to me, dude.
Not only, this is in both games.
The original game is rated E for everyone,
and Waluigi mimes sucking his cock.
Everyone can suck it.
And then they said,
dude, that shit we did last game has to come back.
Yeah, and then they upped the rating to E10+, because at least 10-year-olds can.
Dude, E10 these balls, dude?
10-year-olds can suck it, not 9-year-olds.
That is so funny, because it's like,
okay, that guy's 11.
He knows what the fuck this means.
He ain't gonna tell mom about that damn that's crazy did your mom give you a mustache too yeah she drew it
drew it on she drew it on yeah my mom didn't like uh my mom did not like buying costumes because
i think she they thought she thought they were like lame and expensive so she would sew me a
costume with it with her bare hands with her bare hands
with her love which is crazy now that i look on it in hindsight it is a lot of effort yeah
she loved you so much and you became what you are now one of my favorite things she took one of my
uh she took one of my dad's like old like pilot hats right and then she would sew the felt uh on
top of that and that was like my mar Mario and Waluigi hat that I had.
Why do pilots wear hats?
That is their...
The sun is in their eyes while they fly.
You're inside, bro.
So they need to keep the...
Put a visor.
No, it's like being in the car, you know,
but they don't have the flip-down thing.
They haven't invented the flip-down thing?
The flip-down...
Well, there's like instruments there, so...
It's really funny.
Like a plane has the
little glade like scent thing yeah in the fucking in the in the air vent yeah it smells nice in the
cockpit in halloween and middle school there was a costume contest and uh i don't know why i thought
this was a good idea when i was a kid i wanted a costume that like did something so i wanted to go
as an easy button but what i did was i i like made a shirt that had an easy button embedded in it so you could press it on my
chest. I think it's my most bullied
day in history. I think it's
the most I have been physically assaulted
by people ever. How old were you?
I was in the 7th grade, so that
makes you, what, you're like 10 or
9 or something? You're
12 or 13. That's how people get
chest holes. 13 is freshman year high school.
I was 13 freshman year. Yeah, 13, 14. 13 is freshman year high school. I was 13 freshman
year. Yeah, 13, 14. You could be
13 and 7th grade. 13, 14 is 8th grade.
13, 14 is freshman year high school.
No, 14, 15 is freshman year high school. Either way, you're
not 9. You're like 12 minimum.
I'm going to say 11. You're 12 minimum.
No way. I'll do the math later. Anyway,
I'm somewhere in a range where I'm young and I'm
getting fucking beat my
shit up. You're Getting my shit beat up.
You're getting your shit beat?
It sucks that we're old enough that we have to argue about how old you are when you're young.
Hbox said this thing on stream once.
It was actually kind of weird.
Someone said, like, how old are you in seventh grade?
He instantly says the number, like frame one.
I don't like that.
And then someone's like, how did you know that?
And then he immediately says, like, an equation that he uses to find that out.
And it was, like, grade 7, 12 to 13.
12 to 13.
Yeah, minimum 12.
Bro, I'm 14 in freshman year.
Anyway.
Oh, it says 14, 15 freshman year.
That makes sense.
Yeah, and he says, like, an equation.
He's like, you take the grade that you're in and you add two or something.
You shouldn't know that.
You add five.
That's arcane knowledge.
Add five.
Or four, depending, I guess.
I don't like that he knows that.
And I was like, what are you?
He's smart.
Hey, hey.
H-Box banned two.
No.
H-Box, I want him to wait.
The problem is that that formula isn't useful after high school.
No.
That's why it's weird to have.
That's why it's weird to have.
Only from age 1 to 12.
Isn't it specifically only useful in the situation that he's asking?
Yes.
It is a weirdly odd thing to just have to know.
I'm not accusing you.
I'm not accusing you.
I'm just saying.
I bet he would fucking roll everybody here in Brain Age.
Brain Age the video game.
Yeah.
I don't know who you are.
Speaking of Brain Age, I fucking rolled Nick. Dude, he's drunk and high Age the video game. Yeah. I don't know who you are. Speaking of Brain Age,
I fucking rolled Nick.
Dude, he's drunk and high at the same time.
He keeps saying this. Oh, right.
Yeah, baby! Oh, that
Ludwig after smoking. Dude, look at
the hammer bro behind him
trying to get it too. He's like, oh yeah, like
Luigi. Dude, that hammer bro
has never piped in his life. He's not hammering
bros. Yeah yeah he's like wait
what do they call him uh yeah never mind anyway ludwig keeps saying this and i'm so tilted because
all right so this is the context they are playing brain age for like two hours which version the
it's the new switch okay they're playing for like two hours no one besides ludwig has played the
game before and i'm not playing. I'm playing Melee.
And I come over and someone's like, hey, you want to get in on this one?
And I'm like, sure.
I pick the controller up.
And then Ludwig wins that one.
And I'm like, I've just never fucking played this game.
I feel like you're shunning.
And he wins by like 11 points.
Like, he doesn't smoke me.
That sounds like a lot.
No.
The person under me is down by 80.
The person under me is 80 points.
Double digits.
Well, I can't.
11 and 8 are both.
The reason I didn't argue about this on the fucking other episode we did, because I knew this would happen.
I knew that there's nothing I can say where I win, but it's bullshit.
And you know what?
Someone out there has got me, maybe.
I feel like here's what happened.
You went head to head against someone who was taking gummies and
mickeys to the dome piece all night and you couldn't win against him in a battle of smarts
and wits that's all i'm saying that's right and what you describe as your defense is oh yeah i
lost but but it wasn't that bad oopy oopy oopy bears so what am I supposed to think? You're the mass media, and I'm average Joe.
No, you're right.
You're both right.
You would beat him if you took gummies to the dump.
I just unlock my third eye.
That's what I think.
What's the Patreon goal for the gummy episode of Nick?
Nick breaks edge.
So high.
$40,000.
What would you break edge for?
$1 million in your pocket?
No.
I actually have a condition out there that's still possible.
I have a friend from high school who asked me the same question,
but was way more persistent.
He was like, I want to see you weird.
He was like, I want to see you get weird.
And I'm like, no.
And he's like, give me one condition that you have to.
And the condition I gave him that I said,
I promise if this happens, I will do it.
You suck me right out.
I'm like, you fucking get some.
Anyway, I have to be in a club,
and the song Threats by Denzel Curry has to play.
And if both of those things happen,
and the song was not requested by a friend,
I will drink lean.
If someone can find lean in the building yeah okay so it's kind of like a it's kind of like
a stars align event yeah and i said if that all happens i will go straight from the straight edge
to lean skipping i was gonna say you're just skipping beer weed and just like yeah lean is
a big job yeah it's okay so that's out there so you get a big juicy belly like i feel like this
could come back to haunt me like an esports party like like someone watches the pod they secret request you guys guys it has to happen
naturally you guys ever i gotta beat the morongo i i was watching this uh this documentary about
just the lean trade in america right and i i was they're talking about how this one particular brand has like
gone up in value over the years because they stopped producing it like officially
and i just go down this like google rabbit hole know this yeah i went on a rabbit hole of like
dudes there's a rabbit hole on youtube of dudes who verify if bottles of lean are legit
and they're always like 16 years old this is a market so it's like
that kyle sketch where they're in the fucking it's like a 16 year old kid he's using like a
webcam he's like what's up youtube so uh i'ma i'ma show you how to make sure your lean is legit
and you can tell this is all he fucking yeah he's just he's just zooted all the time and i'm like
that and i went i had a day where i watched like a hundred of these i was like this is so i just started looking at prices and like
ways you could get it as if i would like but in the in the same way in the same way that i
like will watch a video about lithium and then i'll look at like which publicly traded lithium
companies there are i'm but i'm looking at like bottles of lean like oh yes this
will be an investment of mine now right yeah you're a learner and an investor yeah and then
i kind of have to stop myself and be like i can't sell illicit lean for that's the that's what
ludwig doesn't say to himself he sees the ocarina of time 95 plus version and he's like oh that'll
be a thing i can sell one day to a man yeah and i
have a shit ton of lean upstairs and then and all his lean just like getting leaked on my lean i've
good lean too so what did you discover oh i just discovered that the the one bottle of lean that i
wanted to buy right allegedly wanted to buy. Because I was not actually going to sell lean illegally.
You're a lean salesman now.
That's okay.
I was like $2,500 a bottle now.
You know what's...
I think it's why rappers talk about drinking lean so much
because they have to prove they bought it.
Hard to get.
And they can be like, I can afford lean.
Fucking sick.
I just spent $2,500 on cough syrup.
What you discovered
from like lean YouTube
is what I had to watch
all the time
when I was the
vape marketing guy
and I had to watch
vape YouTube,
which is its own
entire like,
Yeah, VTubers.
Who was the,
that's how they get like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They lose their human form.
I want to,
I want to see some
mirage from smoke. Some fucking in fucking anime girl just dude you animate them hitting a vape dude i what what is this up
was there like a really good big vape influencer that was all about it there was or is it just
face banks i believe there's a vape influencer her name is blue Ivy, or that's a porn star, and I'm not sure which.
Faze Banks, a VTuber, it's just his fucking monkey NFT.
It is fucking animated vape.
He's like, bro, I'm a fucking monkey right now.
That shit's wild.
Fuck.
Bunky's still got a hat.
Wait, no, Blue Ivy is the daughter of someone?
Train update, by the way.
Oh, isn't Blue Ivy the daughter of Beyonce and Jay-Z?
Yeah.
Okay, not either of the things I said then.
Very different.
Yeah.
But I believe there's a huge vape influencer,
and I always thought it was so fucking weird,
because she was on Instagram.
She had, like, 500,000-plus followers.
Her name involved some color in Ivy,
and she would get paid by these companies
to vape their product.
And she would post, like,
she had, like, big boobs, and she'd post the vape and be like next to like a pool with a bikini.
Yeah.
Be like smoking Gorillaz balls today.
And then next day would be a brand new juice, brand new company.
Oh, she was hustling.
Smoking on nutsack juice.
And then our people were like, yo, should we pay her?
Like it's going to cost us like $2,000.
And I was like, not everybody who looks at these posts is like,
another one, honey.
We have to buy another vape juice.
That's a good point.
Eventually, you're oversaturated.
You can't sell anymore.
God, imagine the future where he just stays.
You run out of juice.
You're hitting your vape.
You run out of juice.
You're like, oh, honey, we need to buy some hot new juice.
And you look at fucking
big titty ivy's instagram and you see today i'm smoking cashmere squares and then you're like
fuck yeah it's like it's like alt coins it's like i guess it is just alt coins yeah but they don't
rise in value you just vaping is the crypto How close were you to closing the FaZe Banks deal back when you were...
The $300,000 deal?
I was close.
Yeah, that's so hype.
I lost approval from my boss.
I had approval from their team.
So it was clear with FaZe Banks' team.
It almost never works that way.
Yeah, right.
Hey, we locked an enormous influencer.
Can we do a deal with them?
And your boss is like, I don't see the value.
Well, it's because they were burned so bad because um they had hit success before like they had a successful
vape brand uh and then it got popular and then they their production was shit so like two out
of every 10 units sucked and then everyone's like oh this blows and then they all like the hype died
the brand i see and so he was like we're not ready for that. Ludwig just, he got fired
and he's like,
I'm going to sell myself
like I sell vapes to kids.
And here we are.
To be clear,
I think you've probably
killed an equal amount
of children
in both ventures.
In both.
Yeah.
With my hands this time though.
And boy is it hard.
Bring me another one.
I mean,
me and Ninja
got to hang out somehow.
It's easier to throw him
a little iPod
and be like,
hey,
you can smoke out of this.
The popcorn lug does all the heavy lifting.
Go off, kiddos.
Could you imagine like a streamer bohemian grove where like all the biggest Twitch stars
get together and just choke out a kid on stream?
No, that's what I'm saying.
I bet you Hasan has abducted an Uber driver and killed him in his basement of his new
house.
His house is big enough.
He could hide it
that's right we're actually like we're gonna lose one of the lawsuits if we keep doing this like
like we're not gonna win all of them we're pretty low ev at this point i think yeah we lose the one
against uh khalid you know that really reminds me of that that the inflection you just had as well
as the 15k shrooms uh episode goal is
i watched this thing a long time ago it was matt stone and trey parker the south park guys
and they got invited to an award show and they had decided before the award show to take acid
yeah but also wear dresses we didn't yeah we talked no no that's a different talk about on
the pod we've talked about on the pod yeah well We've talked about it on the pod. On the pod? Yeah. Well, we got to wear the dresses anyway. I like that.
And that's the kind of shit I want to do in the future, right?
Like, having money and, like, influence and, like, opportunities.
That was a zipper clap, by the way, to that.
It's about just showing a mirror to the whole stupid system
and then just taking acid and going to a boutique event.
Yeah, if we ever direct, like, a fucking blockbuster film film you can go to the red carpet with like uh your fish feet
yeah you know and like i don't know and like maybe a goldfish living in my ass and you secretly give
a gummy to everyone who enters and they don't know are we passing are we going over the thing
he said and hassan kills nick like an Uber driver. And Nick has chunky cum.
And you have chunky cum from COVID now.
There's a fish in his ass.
There's a fish in his ass.
You have chunky cum?
Or is it creamy?
I've got creamy cum.
Ew.
Don't say it that way.
As sincere as you say it, I don't like that.
Oh, I hated that.
My shit likes skippy.
That's fine.
I don't mind if you get guttural.
That can also be chunky.
But I don't like you going, it's creamy. Yeah, it's creamy. I think creamy is cum got also be chunky, but I don't like it's creamy
Like
Kuno and his stands are the same. Yeah. Irish Tycuno is a good bit. Oh, I guess Ludwig, I'm going to tie your frosting.
Oh, Ludwig, I think they meant it all.
Oh, Ludwig, my crumb got all chunky from COVID.
All right, we're losing one of the lawsuits.
I'm with you, Nick.
I'm with you.
All right, look, you know what?
I put myself on the fire because I wanted to make that joke.
The last time I actually did mushrooms was was in it was at my friend's uh no i i don't think that counts because i didn't feel
i didn't take enough to feel anything right the last time you were influenced last time and they
were mario hit me was at my friend's family's thanksgiving dinner really oh my god did the
turkey just turn into a kaleidoscope and you stared at it? It didn't taste like anything.
I remember the reason I did it was because I was in the basement playing ping pong with my friend Ben.
And his uncle comes into the basement and his uncle speaks with like a... Stoma.
Is that what it's called?
Yeah, where you press it to your throat.
Yeah, and he's really funny too.
And he just comes into the room
after having hung out with him already that night.
So it's not the first impression,
but he's kind of a wacky guy.
And he just tosses a bag on the table
in the middle of our game.
I'm like, what the fuck is that?
And I look and it's just a bag full of mushrooms.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm thinking in my head
it's like i can do this if at least two other family members are doing this at the same dinner
and ben takes them uncle already on them so i'm like i'm in i want to talk like uncle and i get
upstairs it's like 30 minutes later and we're about to start dinner. And I come up the stairs, and I grab Ben's shoulder, and I look at him, and I'm like, I'm not okay.
And we just sit through dinner, and I just like wide-eyed conversation.
And you haven't eaten any of your ice cream.
I can't taste the food.
It is the least enjoyable food at thanksgiving i've ever had in
my entire life wow and i just like got just got through the dinner like always worried that like
am i having a normal conversation with ben's like aunt and uncle right now like not really
considering what i'm saying and that was the last time so amen how do you do in school oh the snakes
are my face and the clock is telling me that the time is the clock now that was that was the last time. So, Eamon, how do you do in school? Oh, the snakes are my face. And the clock is telling me that the time is the clock now.
That was, that's the last time I did mushrooms.
And you telling, you talking about them doing acid at the award show reminded me of that.
Because it was just like in such a public setting.
I've never really done it.
I did it like, we took it in Italy.
We didn't really talk about it because we took like like, half a dose of psilocybin.
Yeah, you took a little more than I did.
And even you, like...
I felt tingly and then I felt, like, mildly high.
But I think it had to be shaken off because we were thrown into a dangerous scenario that I talked about on stream.
But we were, like, we went to this winery and we were supposed to try wine and then do, like, a safari tour.
And then the guide was, like, this crazy Eastern European.
He's like, ah, no, it's fucking, let's go on the Vespas.
Yeah, so you had to sober up.
This is the same guy in the car who was like,
oh, you got the OnlyFans too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of cutie.
And so it's like, okay, now I have to focus.
And I was like, oh, cutie can drive.
Because he's like, yeah, I drive four wheelers all the time.
And they make you do a little test to drive the Vespa.
This is in Italy. So you hop on and you do a circle you just have to go straight turn around come back
that's it this event by the way is why i mistakenly told you how to turn it because my instruction to
you was what i learned at this session i want you to know that i'm sorry he would have found a way
to not blame you he would have been like i, I told him that, but he should have.
Whatever.
Whatever.
It's fine.
Whatever.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
No, I don't feel bad.
He's talking to Zipper Q.
I'm sorry.
The way they taught us to drive the Vespa is like, don't be shy.
Jerk that shit.
And QD's supposed to go up.
And she felt confident.
And I was like, oh, you do this. Because I took Mushroom.
I don't want to drive.
Yeah.
She chokes it.
She chokes it.
You haven't ridden your Vespa now.
Is it going to end up in the garbage like Mike present got you?
I need oil, and you said you would do it, according to QD.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't know I was supposed to move the needle on that.
You have yingling now.
You have yingling.
Yingling.
He's downstairs changing some text of two-stroke.
But I went out and literally got gas to do it.
By the way, car man, can you settle this debate?
It's me, car man.
Between me and Nick.
Yeah, so oil makes it so the engine doesn't seize.
I think I'm going to lose this debate,
but I don't think I'm hopeless.
I got gas and put it in the red gas thing
that you put when you need gas,
but it's not in your car.
The can.
Yes.
The gas can.
Basically, he left a full tank of it.
Like a two gallon.
In the back of his car, like in direct sunlight.
Okay.
And I said, you probably shouldn't do that.
You should probably take it out of your car.
Okay.
And then he said, no, there's no danger.
Okay.
I don't know enough about gasoline.
What I do know is that it doesn't last forever.
That's why like hoarding it in barrels doesn't work.
I said the danger was that he thought it'd blow up.
I thought its potential to heat up in the back of your car because it's so hot in California.
And it's not only in heat, but it's going through glass.
Okay, I don't think that gas.
Okay, one thing about gasoline, it's not the liquid that ignites.
It's the fumes.
Okay, another thing.
I don't know if it can just combust
in the air I'm still mind blown at that first
fact isn't that crazy you could throw a match
into the gasoline water and
it won't like light if you could
somehow do it
what if you do it from underneath
but it would pour out
I don't know if gasoline
combusts but I don't have
I've never heard of that happening,
so it's probably fine.
It's also probably not great to put in your car.
So instead, you should drink it.
Anyway, what if the fumes leak out and you're like,
hey, Aiden, you want to play some music?
And it's like, and they blow up.
I don't think it would do that.
20K, we just pass the gas can around.
It's just a puppet. we make moonshine on the
yard set i do think we need a good 20k goal let's worry about 15k because this mushroom episode i
feel like by the way i'm gonna do like i did on the gummy episode i'm gonna cruise through it you
think so i would love to see you break down irrevocably because on the gummy episode i was
pretty a1 i was pretty there you're fine the Premium episode, you guys both started to drift a little bit,
but in the regular episode, you guys were, you know.
Well, okay, I'll even say this.
Aiden was unresponsive.
Yeah, he was out.
And I feel like the same thing will happen to the mushrooms,
but I always feel like when content's on, my brain is there.
Ah, I see.
And this happened even yesterday because Jadeon reached out to me
after I made a couple videos on mogul mail about
the pokey situation yeah and he was just like hey i want to hop on a call uh and i was like sure
fine i do it we talked for like an hour i had taken a gummy like 30 minutes before because i
was gonna bust down in anime yeah and instead i'm doing this conversation while high but i'm like
i'm basically content brained and i'm like yeah man hey here. He's like, do you think what I did was sexist?
I'm like, yes, here's why.
It hurt my girlfriend.
He's like, wait, really?
I was like, yes.
How many people in the top hundred do you think are women?
He's like, I don't know, two.
He's like, oh, okay, that's bad.
Wow, that sounds productive.
I was.
Thanks, weed.
Still a wild stab, by the way.
Fixing relationships and ending sexism.
Did you hear what I would do if I was president?
Kill a guy again?
Well, no.
I would make everybody who's an American smoke weed,
but it is illegal until you're 25.
But then when you're 25, you have to try it.
Zipper thought that was funny.
I would force people to smoke weed as the president.
That's awesome.
He also said he wouldn't talk to the Canadian prime minister for eight years.
Just for the whole term.
Yeah, he's played.
Dude, the scenario that this came up in, because my favorite Ludwig stream that happens is the Ludwig Pogo Stuck stream.
And you were doing it, and it's late at night, and he's just kind of mumbling to himself what he would do as president if he was.
And it just keeps
going on and on like he'll mumble like something that he would do and then be quiet and then add
another thing he would do a lot of fucking becomes president there's like four canadians in the
lakers like the next day it's like fuck you guys so yeah you would just be you would be that guy
yeah why do you think that would solve anything is people trying weed at 25 all right well first of all i think trying it before 25 is bad you know
you know a question that i get a lot that i'm gonna flip so i get what i get a lot is like
what drug would i try if i could break edge what drug would you make me do if i if i broke edge
and you could make me do any drug and i wouldn't like have negative repercussions i would have you
do heroin yeah you would just have me do heroin? I've never done it,
so I want to see what it's like
from your perspective.
What happens to me?
Yeah.
So you don't want me to have a good time.
No, he'd have a great time.
You'd probably have a good time.
People like heroin,
but I don't want to do it.
It'd be so boring for us.
You'd be the guinea pig, though.
Do people...
I'll just do it for you.
Do people like heroin
who are generally in a good mood,
or do people like heroin
when they always feel like shit and heroin brings them back to what heroin feels like?
I'm pretty sure it's the latter.
I don't think I would have a good heroin time.
I think heroin is good for you.
Any doctors listening, just let us figure it out.
Let me be me!
Let me be me!
That triple B clip.
The cascading effect of that making it for the world.
People turning that into Midwest emo is so good.
I love it, dude.
I don't know if you've seen that.
I have seen a bunch of the, this is Bobby Big Ball's Melee Player Rage, and it's great.
I even watched his stream after.
I saw that live.
I saw that clip live, and I was like, boys, I clipped it first.
I was like, you guys gotta watch this.
You clipped it? Yeah. It's so fucking funny, dude. Can I ask like, boys, I clipped it first. I was like, you guys got to watch this.
Clipping it?
Yeah.
So fucking funny, dude.
Can I ask you a question, Eamon?
You have on there meeting with Ludwig.
And I feel like I'm the only one who can share directly any pain that you might have.
Oh, this was insane.
What?
Because I realized like, one, before, because I feel like we rag on Ludwig in a business context a lot.
Deservedly so.
That's right.
But with it lately, I would say that it's been going better personally.
I had a meeting with everyone.
I said, these are my two big asks.
Ludwig, has everyone used Slack?
He has been doing that.
He's been using Slack.
Ludwig has been more responsive on Slack than on Discord.
And I like that.
And I really appreciate that.
And I've told him that.
It's been great.
And then there was another one, another big ass, but I forgot.
Big A, we call them.
So I was hanging out, just doing my thing, working at my desk.
I needed something from Ludwig.
I needed to cover like three different big topics, right?
And you were in the kitchen talking to Cutie think and i come up to uh i come up to you and the first thing i said is so how do you feel about pussy
and you and anyway uh i was like i have shrugs i have three things to talk to you about and he's
like okay okay and i'm like okay so the first thing the first thing
is this and he like yeah that's the one because he kind of like answers the question and i'm like
you didn't you didn't answer you didn't answer my question and then he just uh i'm standing there
with a notepad and a pen in hand to record my answers from this conversation and he just walks away after not answering my first question
and cutie is in the room when this happens and i look over at her and she's like i i can't do
anything about this like and and you proceed to walk what not only walk away from me but walk
out the front door so i i am just high i'm like mind blown i i i wonder should i stay should i and then
i decide to walk out and follow him and then he's shirtless by the way walking through our
neighborhood i'm walking alongside him mr president mr president and pen and paper next to shirtless
ludwig as we just walk through the neighborhood. A word, please. And
as he answers each one of my
three questions in detail. He's missing something.
And I'm taking notes. As I left
the kitchen, I said, come along, Garcon.
You said that? Well, I told him
to come. Did you hear that? Yeah, you
did say that. Yeah. You did say, come along, Garcon.
Did you look him in the eyes when you said it? No, I
was walking away. I said, come along, Garcon. He was walking away. He was back
to me when he said this.
He would never do this.
Dude, he's like walking out and he says, there's much to learn.
And he closed the door and you're like, do I go?
I was just thinking about what it must be like to be anyone that drove past us that afternoon.
Because you're driving through our neighborhood, which is primarily old people and families.
through our neighborhood, which is primarily old people and families.
Like, just fucking
going by and you look over
and you see two young people
in their 20s, one shirtless,
the other pen and notepad.
The other has a fedora on that says press in it.
It looks like you got an interview with Adam Sandler
and he's like, you got four
questions. But you gotta follow him
around. Come with me on my
morning walk. Why were you like
that? I had a schedule I had to
adhere to because I had things to do
and he did not carve out this time.
It's not a time he carved out.
The opposite of this, by the way, is I
pulled up into the driveway and Ludwig was leaving to go on a walk
and I get out of the car and I'm like, where are you going? He's like,
going on a walk. And I'm like, oh, you want me to
go on a walk with you? And he goes,
you can't walk like me. And then he turns around and he keeps going it's you know what it's true
i said i yelled you think i can't walk like you do it turns out he's laughing at me he turns out
he's like he's like oh man he turns back around and keeps walking i was like dude that could also
be like hey ludwig we lost a hundred grand because
of something that happened he'd be like don't talk to me gotta take my walk gotta get my walk in i
needed to get my walk in but you did you explain to him i need to get my walk you can come with me
no you said come on gasl yes do you you know how uh do you know how like like Sikh people
will will just will walk like you'll see I know that sounds
like so vague like older Sikh people will go on just walks like a lot of walks and it's not just
a human thing why are you calling out this no no like it's specifically I think it's specifically
like a I there is a disproportionate moment can you pause for a moment? Can you not pay attention? Do you guys want to make him feel bad? No.
No?
Okay.
Go on.
A disproportionate number of older Sikh people who go walking.
You should start seeking some hoes.
I want you to seek some paper.
Sorry, dude.
Woo!
Well done.
Oh, man. And there's a couple...
We get there.
We got him.
And there's a couple Sikh families in our neighborhood.
And I'll see the same old guy go on his walk every evening.
That I'll drive past, and in my head, it's like in the neighborhood,
there's three walkers, and it's these two older Sikh guys
and Ludwig shirtless in the morning.
Vitamin D is great, and you get more of it if you're shirtless.
Also, more of it fills his cavernous chest hole.
That's honestly a good point.
No, because he checks
the UV index. I am a pretty avid
UV checker. What? Yeah.
You know what that is? No, I'm saying
you guys are so in sync, so I'm believing you.
There's no way you do this. I do this a lot.
It's true. And he knows because I've told him about it.
Because you go out shirtless?
Is that the reason? I see the UV before I go out.
I see.
That's crazy to me.
Yeah, it's also crazy because sometimes he'll just not respond to his best friend and business partner.
Yeah.
But he'll check the UV index.
Well, that's cancer.
That's life.
Speaking of UV index, we're in the gym today.
We're in the gym today.
What?
And I'm on the bench.
Finally getting Ludwig to work out with me, by the way,
who's been dodging me for days.
Aiden was like, hey, we can work out today.
And Ludwig was like, he scheduled this out.
I asked him five days ago.
I was like, when is the next time you will work out with me?
And he's like, on Monday.
So I've been ably waiting for today.
Zipper, can you type in Charles Manson interview?
Oh, I know the faces. Yeah. the one where he does all the faces because we're in we're in the office today and we're talking
about scheduling stuff and aiden to ludwig he's like hey you want to work out today and if zipper
can pull it up it is type in funny moments after charles man yeah yeah this is this is how ludwig reacts to his hairline busting what
that's what you did okay you were doing that you were doing that
it was so fucking funny it was like what does this mean
and he said i'm nobody we did work out finally we're in the gym i'm on the bench i'm about to
pump some fucking iron i have the i have the bar above me like i'm getting ready to push off
and ludwig grabs this uv light and he comes he turns it on and puts it on my pants and he's like
yo come check this will be at the start of the video i have a film bar
up like it died like trying to hold the fucking bar and it was 45 it was light it was the warm
it was the warm up but i'm i'm still like it's still hard because i'm laughing so hard with the bar above me and he's like he's like going over my whole
body and I stand
up I stand up after
this one's done and he like
he turns it on again and he like
flashes my neck he's like yo you got cum
neck
this guy's funny
I will say
sometimes my best bits formulate in
my head when I'm spotting you.
And I'm like, I can't kill this guy.
But I know this would fucking slap.
He's like, yo, can you spot me?
And you saddle him on top of his waist.
And you're like, all right, let's go.
Come on.
You got this.
You do have a sleeper on your phone right now.
The one where you make me touch your chest.
And I think that one's really funny.
Oh, that's a good one.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to put together a new
compilation. Oh, yeah.
Aiman cringe moments.
Watch Mojo number seven.
Yeah, it's fun lifting with
Aiman in the gym. You like that? We get a little crazy.
We get a little nuts, a little wild. Yeah.
A little stinky. I hate to ask, how much
time do we have left? We have exactly 30.
He's got somewhere to pee. Actually, more like
20. I need to pee so bad. You need a hot pee?
You can hold 20 minutes.
How about you pee in that bottle on set?
Pee in that bottle right there?
I'm sorry.
It hurts.
Go pee in the bottle.
No, I don't want to pee in the bottle.
Pee in the bottle.
And we'll just not cut to you.
Just turn around.
Don't show your dick.
Well, then why did you bring up pissing?
Because I want to go downstairs and go pee.
No, you're not going down.
You either piss in the bottle or you sit in your fucking chair and you be a podcaster.
Be a pee-pee boy.
What?
You're going to piss in the bottle or you sit in your fucking chair and you be a podcaster. Be a pee-pee boy. What? You're going to piss in the bottle?
Don't be surprised.
Do it in the corner
like a good boy.
Go in the corner
like a good boy.
Go in the corner
like a good boy.
That zipper.
Go in the corner
like a good boy
and we'll continue podcasting
like professionals.
I will say
I used to make the drive
from...
What if he feels...
I don't want to do this.
No, you got it.
You're not feeling You're not going down there
You got it bro
So either do it in the corner
Or shut your fucking mouth
Eamon
If you fill it
All the way to the top
You get a prize
So I will drink it
That's right
I'll drink it all the way down
If you fill it
I used to drive
From New Hampshire
To New Jersey
Cause I had a girlfriend
In college
Who lived there
And I
I hated the drive
It's a pain to stop anywhere because the traffic
how long is it it's about five hours but it can be seven or eight depending on traffic because you
like go through new york is this tina uh this is not tina i don't think i ever dated a tina
i can hear it and it's so loud you got stage fright over there kiddo yeah he he stopped halfway
through like it's get smart he stopped halfway like get smart. And I used to pee in bottles on the way.
Okay.
I used to pee.
I would get a huge dunk, like a large, and I'd pee because I didn't want to stop.
And did you ever have a mishap?
Did you ever take a sip?
I would pee.
No.
I would pee in traffic, but I drove a sedan, and trucks could easily see.
Yeah.
Well, trucks are fine.
Trucks are fine because they know the rules of the road.
And like Eamon should know.
He's going for so long.
I can't even hear you.
Do we have another bottle?
You could pee in the can, but you might cut your tip.
No!
I got it.
Swap out.
Take the bottle.
Oh my god.
It's like the alligator.
No cap.
It's not wrong.
It's the rules of the road.
Honestly, impressive that he...
You filled a bottle?
He really had to go.
He cleared like 20 ounces.
He was not kidding.
He really had to pee.
I had to pee, but I'm an adult.
Yeah, some of us just...
Do we have another cup?
I've got a super soaker.
Don't, yeah, be careful.
Don't cut your uncircumcised cock on this.
This is harder to pee in.
I've done this too.
It's not gross.
It's your body.
Your body's not gross, babe.
Just put it on the grass.
Here.
No!
Take it.
Oh, don't show it.
Dude, you're hydrated. Oh, you look great. That is so much... It actually looks like the show it. Dude, you're hydrated.
Oh, you look great.
That is so much...
It actually looks like the normal Gatorade.
You're hydrated.
So, by the way, for anyone...
This is parody.
It is so horrible.
Oh, my God.
All right.
No, put it over there by the skeleton.
No, don't keep it on camera.
We shouldn't show it.
Yeah, you probably shouldn't show it.
Did you piss?
I mean, no.
It's fucking piss.
It's just better not to.
It's for science. I mean, it's not... Welcome to the science cast. I, you probably shouldn't show piss. Do you feel piss? I mean, no, it's fucking piss. It's just better not to. It's for science.
I mean, it's not.
Welcome to the science cast.
I haven't done that in so long.
You feel good?
You look good.
Dude, it has to be like at least eight years since I've done that.
Wow.
I was fucking with you.
This is actually the end of the pod.
Thank you guys for watching.
No way.
Are you serious?
We got 20 more.
That would be really funny. but i would love to hear about
cursed pussy this so there's a problem me and amen we go get coffee a lot and a lot of we'll
just conceive bits in the car but sometimes they're a bit ill-conceived and in the moment
they're the funniest thing in the entire world and like we gotta put that fucking topic channel bro
and then i write it down and i revisit it i'm like i don't remember what this is so all i can say is cursed pussy it was just
this idea that like it's like you like fuck somebody and then like the you put your ear
to the pussy and it's like speaking parcel yeah it's basically like right it's like the lord of
the rings guy and you and for some reason we
were dying laughing and the context is lost to me but he likes it right so what it was so much
funnier the car i'm sorry so so what i'm saying is i'll know now to filter what will be good or
take at this point just put a little mic in the car while you're driving to star you know in like
in fucking harry pot Potter when the diary fucking
whispers and shit? Yeah.
People are like, where'd that come from?
And it said it's someone's pussy.
It's McGonagall's old pussy.
And Snape's chunky cum.
This is a them thing. We need something.
Dude, what about a ball sack
but it
bounces like a bouncy ball?
The ball sack does?
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
Hey, great.
Really funny.
Right.
But I was watching a documentary on anesthesia.
Here's what's funny about it.
Apparently, there was a guy named the fastest knife in the West.
Because before anesthesia...
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
He was like...
So he's a surgeon.
He was crowned it?
Or his name is the fastest knife?
No, his name was Joseph Lister, I think, if I'm remembering right.
But back in the day before anesthesia, surgery had to be done real quick.
Oh, I see.
And so the best surgeons were the ones that could get it done the fastest.
So they don't die from blood loss or shock.
Yes, or it's also painful, right?
They're like freaking out, writhing around.
And this guy was the fastest blade in the West. Cause he could do the surgery real quick.
That's right.
I got it.
A listen.
And,
uh,
and it was really funny.
British surgeon.
Yeah.
Isn't that gross?
Let them do that.
I know it was a lawless land.
And then as anesthesia started to evolve,
he,
it was just while he was still alive and he got like phased out.
Oh,
cause he was like,
Oh,
I guess I'm,
it doesn't matter how at some point they stopped At some point, they stopped playing Among Us.
That's what I'm saying.
He's the disguised Toast of
the Surgeon World.
And he's just trying to stay afloat, doing surgery
real fast on Naruto.
And he pivoted. He pivoted to becoming a ninja.
You talked about that, right?
You're the one who told Toast to do that.
Yeah, I'm the one who...
We had a conversation on a podcast, I think we talked about this, where I told him,
yeah, you could just watch anime on stream.
You'd get a bunch of viewers.
You'd get banned, then you'd come back bigger from the ban.
Do you think he's weird?
No.
I don't think he's weird.
Me neither.
Because I don't know him.
I think Slime...
Fuck!
Zippers just got a fucking AK-47 pointed at him.
I think you have regressed as a human from reading LSF.
No.
I think you get too many of your takes from commenters instead of your own brain nowadays.
I did go up to you and I was like, why did Toast lie?
And then you were like, I don't know.
And I was like, okay.
And that's all I thought about it.
Oh, he was snappy that morning.
He was a little snappy.
He was snapping.
This is my COVID morning.
But yeah, I feel like you don't come to your own conclusions anymore.
I do.
No, here's the thing.
I don't think you're a free thinker.
I just don't come to severe conclusions anymore.
You don't come to your own conclusions.
Yeah, but the ones I do come to aren't severe.
I would rather you say Sykuno diaper play than say a comment on LSF to me.
I will do that for you.
Thank you.
I did have a moment today.
I will be your diaper boy.
I think you were sitting at your computer,
and I looked at it,
and it was Hasan eating, watching Pokey drinking,
watching Ninja talking.
I was like, maybe
the React
meta has gone too far.
That's just the Bo Burnham bit, right? That's in inside.
Yeah, it actually was that
but unironically while they all
eat food and drink.
Yeah, that's hype. That's what your
expertise is in. Yeah.
Yeah, that's tight.
It's not tight.
Here's why it's tight. Because we can say as much as we want oh fucking react oh it's fucking it's bad it's like
not effort content but we will watch it are we not just reacting to our events of our life humans
need this everything as happening as it should because we're not going away from it do you want
to have a little react portion?
I don't think you guys have seen this.
Zipper, do we have audio?
Does audio work here?
Yeah.
Can we pull up real quick?
I don't know if you've seen this.
Amaranth's music video came out.
I didn't watch it.
I didn't watch it.
Let's pull up Amaranth's music video for just a moment.
This is the one.
We are actually in it for a little bit.
That's right.
Because she did record some footage with us.
Is Eamon not in it? Eamon is
not. The shot's kind of tight.
The tight shot. If you include
pedophiles, it's like a whole thing with ads.
Oh, come on.
He did pee in front of children.
On camera.
The house is far away from
schools. Parody.
Anyway, let's pull up the music video.
Just give us like halfway through.
Give us like a good 30 seconds. Nick, you tell me
when to stop watching.
Oh.
I would have loved to write this.
Better than I thought it would be.
Really?
Better than I thought it would be.
I thought the opposite.
You're talking about the music?
Yes.
I'm not talking about the video.
I'm talking about the music.
That's Amon.
I love a horse mask.
This is it.
We can halt it there.
Wait, I want to see the part with us.
Oh, it's at the very end.
Very tail end, last 10 seconds.
Yeah, it's the end.
It's before the credit roll or the closer.
This did...
Hey!
My hand was in there.
It's everybody except for Aiden.
That's awesome.
My hand squeaked in.
It's like the SpongeBob hat thing.
So we had a meeting with Amaranth and her manager
with the company that we're working with to produce the flashlight.
Yes.
At what point should we stop calling it that?
No, so exactly.
So I didn't fully realize this because I kind of thought it was like
a Kleenex band-aid sort of situation where that word becomes like publicly accepted genericized trademark i think yeah and uh woke
up woke up like early to getting this fucking call very weird call but the woman the woman
that was dictating it who works for the company that is helping us purdue this wonderful woman
but just very very funny to be talking about
molded pussy lips in a business meeting and did she say that yeah so if you're gonna go with the
gaping lip it's gonna be a 25 increase did they say that we can go with summer shandy scented or
we can go with tropical breeze or we can go with lot lizard so it's already it's already off to just a very funny start i luckily did not
have a webcam on this computer so because thankfully i don't think i could have kept it
together mike was also in this call yeah and uh and the whole time me and mike were just like
sending shit back to each other yeah like a bunch of two-year-olds.
It's like this adult in the meeting, like, trying to do a job.
And you guys are like, he, he, he.
Dude, she's...
Everybody in the call...
She says pussy, and she sends the dump truck of laughing emojis to Mike.
Everybody in the call clearly thinks it's, like, mildly funny that we're all there.
Like, it's not...
It's definitely a shared feeling across everybody that has participated.
But what I did learn is, no is, it's definitely a shared feeling across everybody that has participated. Um,
but what I did learn is no,
we cannot call this a fleshlight.
It is no longer a fleshlight.
Okay.
That is an official product of another company.
They are canister strokers.
That's gross.
That is the neutral term across the board.
We can,
we can give it our own name,
right?
Yeah.
We could say whatever we want.
Pocket Pussy is also a different copyright term.
Okay, so you can't call it Pocket Pussy or Fleshlight.
Pleasure, pal.
Right now, everyone get their one.
I'm going to think of a different one.
Mini Canister Stroker Orifice Massager for Men.
On Walmart?
Ten bucks.
And they're out of stock?
Ten bucks.
The Blowjob Bottle.
Okay.
Jerk off jacket.
The jacket?
Full metal cum device.
More anime.
I'm getting better.
We're getting better.
Your nut in April.
That's just a good porn parody.
Full metal cum device brotherhood.
Attack on Deep Throat.
These are just parody titles.
We need like a product name.
Dude, you're not in April.
We should produce this.
Pussy Shippuden.
Yeah.
Stro-Ku-To.
Dragon Ball.
What if we just called it...
Hey, wait.
What if we just called it
Sugma?
The Amaranth Sugma?
I mean, it's catchy. It's succ succinct it's a sugma your your convention
this is like actually all you have the fuggma i don't know fuggma the ligma sugma could work uh
the extra we call it the extractor the cum extractor 9000 like a fucking toy
in Monsters Inc
can't we uh what's that meme
the fucking suckatron 9000 like that
bit
that was the bit
that got got doubled McTwisty
that was the bit that me and Mike were on
we were like dude it's like the fucking thing
it's like the thing Luigi uses to
clean up the mansion
and then I sent him back the fucking
photoshop with luigi holding it that's awesome i sent him back a picture of like a fucking
professor e gad like luigi before you go i want you to check this out i love the idea of megaman
killing like this this opponent and then gaining a pocket pussy on his arm and then like the other
robots just fuck it and he kind of just the next the next boss in the game he's just like
it's like yeah it's fuck fuck go crazy bro we'll get there well all right we'll get a name we'll
set a brainstorm meeting and we'll get it hey if you guys have any uh any yardigans we'll uh you
know get to sucking while sucking's still good.
If any of you want to give us some free creative labor, just throw it our way.
I was going to say we could pay him.
You did it for the tattoo, Collins.
You can do it again.
By the way, on the note of the tattoo, so we have a winner, obviously.
I reached out to two artists, both of them super down, so he's got a pick.
And they're both down to have us do it at their studio.
Can we get the tattoo with the hat so long and it's disappearing into your butthole?
Can we? Please
please. You never let us get anything.
You're so cringe. Please.
Please. Come on.
Stop saying no every time. I think the
hat is fine as it is.
Do you really want to change the hat? Mom, you bitch.
You're such a fucking bitch.
I do think there's a conversation to be had about
if the hat should extend longer or if it should be that
Come up your neck. Oh
Do that be hard?
Goes up my collar and then someone's like what is that?
I'm like I pull it down and it just got hit the head is just like yeah, the little hat comes above the neckline
But then Garfield goes it goes like the hat extends your torso.
So Garfield is like
right above your pubic line.
Yeah, so it goes just
fucking right up.
And then you shave
a little pillow
into your pubes
that he sits on.
Wait, what if you shave
your pubes
and then put it there
and then the hat extends
right above the belt line?
What does shaving my pubes have to do?
You would have to shave
We just want to,
we just want to get down there.
Okay, I see.
I just want to see your pubes.
We're just trying to get active.
I think maybe we should do it longer.
I didn't like that idea at first.
My idea of longer?
Yeah, but now that I'm hearing it, I'm like, it makes the tattoo funnier.
It does.
Yeah.
It makes it less cool and more funny.
Which is, in a way, cool.
How long should it be?
That's the good question.
Boot up marble zipper.
We put an inch for every marble.
One to 100 inches.
The tattoo guy comes out of zipper's office.
All right, sit the fuck down.
Yeah, because I want to put the background behind the cat.
I want to keep the background.
So we just go past the background.
Oh, okay.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like YouTubers do when they have a fake background
and their head pops out of the box.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they play with perspective a little bit.
You are so dumb. Butterside down. What's the damage? Oh, we're good. We. Yeah. Yeah. They play with perspective a little bit. You are so dumb.
Butterside down. What's the damage?
Oh, we're good. We're good.
Well, you know what? Is that that?
Have we made it? We're like at 127
I think. Can I add one more thing? Yeah, please.
So the Always Sunny's
guys started a podcast. I don't know if you guys have listened to it.
Always Sunny-er? What's it called? Always Sunny.
It's called the Always Sunny podcast, I think.
Wow, that must have taken a while.
They use their show theme song,
the whole thing.
And I was terrified
because that's like,
they're like some of the funniest people,
one of the best shows on TV, et cetera.
And I was like,
this is going to be another one of those things
where I listen to it
and it is so unfunny
when they are off the TV show
and I'm like,
I don't want to, you know.
So I listened to it.
I listened to a full episode.
I never listen to a fucking podcast.
And they are still very, very funny.
They still got it.
It's a great podcast.
But I also...
You know how people will ask us all the time, like, which one of you guys from that show?
And we're like, you can't really...
There's no comparison for all of us and all of them.
No, I'm Charlie.
Easily.
Yeah, but you can't do the rest of us very easily.
Anyways, them as real people, we absolutely have one-to-ones of who we
are my charlie still he is mac and it's not close like you are charlie mcclenney by far rob mackle
honey rob sorry i said charlie rob mcclenney by far you're glenn howerton uh and me and me and
aiden are a mixture together become charlie uh in a lot of different things he says but the same
reason that they are no they're very different off the show but the reason it's the whole episode i listened to is about how
rob pulls up to the office before the podcast and parks diagonally on purpose across glenn and
charlie's parking spaces as a joke uh and then and then to get back him like you know like charlie
pulls up and also parks diagonal like someone whatever whatever. But I was just like, that is such a Ludwig bit.
And then the only person who doesn't find it funny is Glenn Dennis.
Yeah.
And I'm like, this is all slime things.
I'm like, no, fuck you.
Cause cause you're always fucking in blah, blah, blah.
And you think you're above it.
Yeah.
You show up late, but you do this and blah, blah, blah.
Uh, yeah.
One that we are very, don't look at me.
You like got me.
He like got mad for a moment.
Yeah.
You look to me.
You're like, why the fuck are you parking this car? How dare you do that? It also warmed my heart, he like, I'm mad for a moment. Yeah. You look to me. Why the fuck you part with this?
Real anger.
It also warmed my heart to know that their show is funny.
Yeah, that is,
that is huge.
It's always like,
it's like,
Oh,
is this person who's doing this new endeavor just going to fucking not,
not be the person.
It also could totally be kind of like trailer park boys,
right?
Like where they make one of the best TV shows ever,
but then everything else they do is just so clearly phoned in and shitty.
Yeah. I don't know enough,
but I will also say,
it's hard as an artist, too, or a creator,
because it's like,
okay, well, am I always going to be Ricky, right?
Yeah.
And there sucks,
because people are like,
oh, you're Ricky for life now.
They chose to be their characters always.
Yes.
They did a podcast,
and they're in character the whole time,
and I'm like, ooh, this is kind of shit.
I don't like it.
Interesting.
That's them as humans now.
Yeah.
And is that going to be you?
Well, no, because my character is Ludwig and Ludwig is me.
So they're separate.
And on that note, we say thank you for coming this week.
Hey, coming.
Back to our normal schedule.
Yeah, that's right.
Chunky, come be damned.
We're going to bring you all the hot yard
content that you deserve.
Because you paid money for it.
Unless you're watching a YouTube video or listening
on a free platform in which you should just
give us a nice review. Yeah, but if you want to
listen to more content after this,
come subscribe to the Patreon.
If you want to listen to more PogTent,
if you want to listen
to more PogTent, sign up for the to more PogTent sign up for the Patreon
when Nick does a rewind bit I die inside
you don't like it?
he does it too often
oh okay we're going to talk about bits that go on too often
your whole fucking shtick is too often
I'll say that
you know which one I fucking hate the most?
the shticks that pay the bills?
no you know which one of your
I'm actually fucking
if you do it one more time we're not friends anymore
say it on the primo that pay the bills? No. You know which one of your... I'm actually fucking... If you do it one more time, we're not friends anymore. Right.
Stay on the Primo.
Oh!
All right, premium episode
on the Patreon.
Go check it out.
We're 1,000 Patreons away
from becoming
maybe Mushroom Boys.
Mario and Luigi.
Give them the...
Eamon's cringe.
Eamon's super cringe.
Eamon's super cringe.
Now I'm out.
Eamon's super cringe.
Yeah, you know his name.