The Yard - Ep. 6 - Ludwig and Aiden Have A Falling Out
Episode Date: August 11, 2021Call it bogo at the butcher cause EVERYONE'S GOT BEEF. The boys break down the social dynamics of Aiden being an unhinged monster, Ludwig buying [legal] weed for the first time, and what not to do whe...n getting pulled over.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
you know what i think is a great question why we have a channel where we list topics
and then he has a notepad on his phone instead of just posting them in the channel. He doesn't think the Discord exists.
No, some are secret.
That's fair.
If it's a topic he doesn't want to prep us for.
Most of them are secret ones.
But they're all vague enough in that, like, I don't know any of the ones you guys post.
It's like a self-note.
Okay, I'll bite.
Who is he?
Don't make me say it.
Brayman.
Don't make me say it.
Welcome to the yard.
If this is your first time
watching or listening
make sure to DM
at Aiden Cowbell
on Twitter
stop what you're doing
right now
everyone at home
we have a Patreon
oh yeah
oh
now you can DM Aiden
on the Patreon
yeah which is great
we've got three tiers
and a secret fourth tier
so is it
like what's this
those three of them
is it hard to find
it's like super secret is it on the front page of it it's cut well you three is it hard to find it's like super
is it on the front page of it expands to another one this sounds cool yeah but I
feel like it's not much of a see got a lot of stuff on there we got some secret
side shows if you're interested in more shit that isn't the yard I feel like
you're using the word secret wrong you know what it is well you're saying it
out loud they're They're government secrets.
The first post will be the audio from my father explaining the weird orgy he went to.
A six minute long story about the orgy.
I can't say this enough.
In his pud.
I'm not hyping it up for the Patreon from the bottom of my heart.
It's one of the funniest fucking things I've ever been in the room to witness.
There was a moment where I got on the floor into a ball and I couldn't contain it.
From Sophie's Choice to Pickle Rick. Oh man, I mean it's at least half of Pickle Rick. There was a moment where I got on the floor into a ball, and I couldn't contain it.
From Sophie's Choice to Pickle Rick.
Oh, man.
I mean, it's at least half of Pickle Rick.
That's crazy.
It's no Rick.
Sure.
I mean, obviously.
No, that's why that's the end of the scale.
He turned into a pickle.
One of those tiers, you can get shirtless photos from us sent to your home.
What?
Polaroids, yeah.
Ludwig did not QC the Patreon. That's true.
This guy's the fastest sales pitch of all time.
We said in the Discord,
Ludwig, you have until Sunday
to make any changes to this.
None were made.
I looked through it.
I thought it was fine.
You do have to corner him like a rat
with like a frying pan.
Like, answer my question.
Come on.
And he'd be like,
no, I don't want to do that patreon the
patreon window on the computer and then like a branding iron on the other side i mean like
check it look at the patreon give us your opinion right now patreon.com slash what the yard they
got the raw got it raw yeah there's not like go check it out we got a discord access no gardener
in east coast it's the yard 2.podcast yeah uh but go check it out. We got a discord. There's no gardener in East coast. It's the yard to dot podcast.
Yeah.
Uh,
but go check it out.
We got a discord access,
a bunch of other shit in there.
And,
every episode,
including this one,
we'll have an extra hour at the end,
uh,
that you only have access to on there.
Yeah.
That's the real thing that I think is cool.
It'll just be,
if you like the podcast,
you want another hour of it.
We're just going to continue rolling the camera in the audio and then we'll put it on Patreon only.
Yeah.
It's five bucks a month
for that extended episode and then if you go
up a tier, we have some extra shows
that we'll do every week too. The bonus Jonas, we call it.
The bonus Jonas and in the bonus Jonas
you'll be able to ask us questions
on Patreon that we will talk about on the show.
I don't want to commit to anything.
I'm going to just say that you don't know
what it is and we don't know what it is. You already committed
to something. Yeah, you did commit.
You have a direct obligation on the Patreon.
Boy, you committed to that haircut, bro.
All right, enough shilling, enough shilling.
The Patreon does exist.
Go check it out, please.
Also, this podcast brought to you by Coinbase.
Now, let's jump into some fun topics.
Guys, the Olympics ended.
The Olympics is over.
No way.
You're shitting me.
Before the podcast, I said, don't bring up the olympics
i hate the olympics dude no you guys are misrepresenting me because you know what
here's what nick didn't say okay because this is my fault but it was like i have a lot of topics
this time yeah how are you dragging him into this because i'm about to explain he was like
oh i got a lot of topics i got this one i got the olympics and i was like, oh, I got a lot of topics. I got this one. I got the Olympics.
And I was like, and I did do that.
I was like, oh, don't fucking talk about the Olympics, bro.
I'm tired.
Because I do hate them.
I just do.
I don't care about feats of human strength if they aren't like who can eat the most beans
or who can pull like a truck with their nuts in it.
Well.
If they put who can eat the most beans in the Olympics, would you be fine with talking
about the rest of the Olympics?
I'm in.
Yeah. Can we talk about the hundred meter dash i would just
have to bring it back to the beans guy the guy from croatia who made it happen that'd be such
a funny story because you'd bring it up as an analogy for like everything yeah oh so like when
they hit the ball and it like flies with the wood it's like it's like when the beans okay yeah so
so or the i'm in the car with nick and we're driving to go get like wood it's like it's like when the beans okay yeah so so or the i'm in the
car with nick and we're driving to go get like gear it's like this long drive and i bring up
the other i was like dude love it keeps bringing up the fucking olympics bro and i fucking can't
do it and nick was like dude i know whoa wow so you're shit what for shit no horse shit i call i
call bullshit on this explain what you say i go i go yeah he has talked about the olympics a lot
but like it's what's happening. We should probably talk about it.
It's exactly what I said.
I keep you guys in tune with normie culture in huge events that are happening.
Everyone shake my hand.
And this is the last time we're going to do this.
It's the breakup pod.
You two are fucking dead from the Olympics.
And Aiden, you've been dead to me for a week fucking straight.
Can I say it really quick?
I don't know why.
I've closed my ears intentionally to not hear until now.
I have no idea why you're mad at him.
That's not true.
Really?
I have no idea.
I have no idea why you're mad at him.
That's great.
I fucking hate you.
And I'm looking at Aiden for podcast listeners.
I haven't told this story anywhere.
Here's what happened, okay?
I am his boss.
And so.
You're superior.
I am.
Yeah.
But a friend first.
Well.
Well, I don't know.
We don't make friends.
We're restructuring
restructuring the org
yeah so
you know
the friendship organization
that is
so I
I work
he works for me
I should say
and uh
and my merch came out
last week
and I wanted to check sales
on Wednesday
and I'm not logged in
on my computer
and I don't know the login
it was changed
because a lot of people
use it
he doesn't know how to log
into the shop
admittedly a little embarrassing
but true
he's focused on big picture Aiden what were you doing I will say there's a lot of people didn't use it. Owner of the company doesn't know how to log into the Shopify. Admittedly, a little embarrassing. He's focused on big picture, Aiden.
What were you doing?
I will say there's a lot of stuff like that.
Yeah.
Where he doesn't know anything about it.
You know what happened?
This happened yesterday.
This is extremely relevant.
He walks downstairs and I log into the PayPal and he's like, you can get into that?
And I'm like, yeah, can't you get into that?
Like he's doing wizardry and i was like he's like
levitating his keyboard on his desk he's like how much i got in there all right we're getting
off the rail don't distract us no no and then and then the follow-up is important i was like
you can't get into that and he was like dude i don't even know the login to the bank account
i don't know the login to my own bank account it's probably for the best it's crazy it is for the best yeah so anyway uh i called aiden wednesday the day after my
merch came out because sales after the first day i knew the numbers but i did i wanted to know them
like after the next day because i had plugged it on youtube so i basically wanted to see how
many sales did i get from youtube after my plug and so I call Aiden and I'm like, yo, what is the website login?
And he's not home, he's driving.
And I can hear his car and he's like,
he sounds like kind of panicked,
he's like, yeah, okay, yeah, give me a second.
Just give me a second.
Every phone call, by the way.
You call him, he feels relaxed, he's just like,
hey, what's up, buddy? yeah yeah and then understand that there's
elevator music in my head i'm so laissez-faire i could not care less i'm like take your time
and he's like okay uh okay so if you go into a folder and i'm like relax and finally I just getting top I get that I get
Finally finally he just gives me the login to his own computer. I don't need to log into mine I have the login don't say the password by the way
I wouldn't but I love the password is basically like fortnight bunnies 45 by the way by the way every single time
That Aiden's gone and
like we need something off his computer slime announces his password and then sits down at
the computer and types it in it is on completely unrelated my password that that password to
mango twice because it unlocks my switch well at least every time i send it to him he fucking laughs
so anyway i get the password and the page is pulled up so i can see
the exact sales i was like oh awesome and so i tell aiden i'm like because he was trying to give
me the login information for the actual shopify i was like no i'm good i actually see the stats
here i'm all set and then he's like okay all right fuck and then you know he sounded distraught
and then i don't hang up because i'm looking at the numbers but he thinks I've hanged up
the next words out of his mouth are
and I quote
fuck Ludwig dude
like genuinely like that
like from his heart and soul
like fuck you
caught with your pants down and my reaction
is I start laughing at him
I go
no he says the first thing he says uh uh
i'm still on the phone and then and then i'm like oh in my head i'm like oh my god and then i
doubled down and i yelled at him more why because i was like you made me miss my fucking turn that's
what he said 15 minutes my drive which you don't believe in hindsight right you don't i do you believe it's his fault uh no no no i i i will explain my perspective if you
if you're done well so anyway he missed his turn because he was on a phone call that he willingly
took you miss a will because there's a big green button that says accept and a big red one that
says decline and apparently his monkey brain can't decipher that there's a decline option
and he accepted in the middle of traffic in a highway situation that he didn't know how to navigate
you know what else is a solution here hey hold on i gotta take this exit real quick like and i also
said to him take your time i was literally elevator music so hard to take an exit didn't have to take
an exit that wasn't the situation okay go ahead tell the situation tell the situation okay i'm out
i'm i'm just out
and I'm driving home.
I'm not really about.
I'm really just on the highway.
Okay, what's her name, bro?
What's her name
and what did she give
Good Roadhead?
That part's not good.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
I love his guilty come on
makes it sound like
he literally was getting it.
She wasn't in the car.
She wasn't in the car.
That's even kidding. There was no person involved!
I'm just driving home!
I'm just driving home!
Explain why our friendship is over.
Continue.
I decided to get McDonald's on the way home.
I have a burger in one hand.
Burger.
You got stinky and you got cum in one hand.
You pick up fun! My car has no working stereo no friends
and your fat i have a bluetooth speaker that i play music out of and uh i'm driving on the way
back god's bathroom floor on a bluetooth speaker shit's not on spotify wasn't listening to it uh
anyway i i the there starts to be
construction and traffic.
So the number of lanes
on the freeway I'm on...
Starts to be like they appeared.
It's coming.
They weren't there before.
We have to merge.
We're just merging
as I continue to drive.
That happens.
You...
Finish me.
I won't interrupt.
I'm merging.
Yes.
And you call me and in my head
I'm like
this must be important
because you only ever
call me
if you need something
you know what's funny
okay
which is fair
because we live together
I'm not expecting
Aiden does have a monkey
in his brain
working overtime
however
you called me
when I was on set
yesterday
yeah
and I picked up my phone
and said Ludwig's calling me
that is never good
that's what I said and then I answered and you were like hey i'm coming early it was the first
time you have broken good news to me on the phone and i was like wow i've never maybe this is
something just in my head yeah whenever you call it's like a problem solution sort of thing but
it's like usually brief it's not like life or death it must have been urgent that's why i
answered the phone i didn't evaluate the situation i don't know what if you guys know this but when you accept calls and you're using a bluetooth speaker
it'll just fuck the whole shit up like you the call doesn't come out of the speaker half the time
your receiver doesn't like work anymore let me rephrase so i'm like amen has a broke talk car
yeah i'm trying to like i can't relate to Fine. On the phone while I'm breaking and switching lanes and putting my
McDonald's away.
This is why you play.
To be clear,
this is extremely irresponsible of me.
Yeah.
In hindsight,
I should,
I should have not have taken this phone.
You shouldn't get McDonald's because of the nutrition.
I'm also very bad.
I'm very bad at focusing on multiple things at once.
You're trying to recite the whole social network script in your head.
You couldn't remember the second line. So I'm at the part where he says you better he's the type
of guy who turns down the volume of the parking lot and i usually mind the laptop throw even when
i'm driving but it's extremely complicated so i'm like panicking on the phone call because i have to
keep telling him just just let me focus on driving because i'm just bad at talking and focusing on
other things at the same time i miss my turn you say bye i say bye
and then i i think the call is over and i just i do i cuss him out in my car and he says and he
says he's still on the phone and i feel a little bad but then i double down and i let him know why
i'm fucking mad and then and then i missed another turn because i'm just a fucking idiot
is a 28 drive
a 28 minute drive home that took 55 minutes you're like dropping spaghetti all over the place you're
a fucking mess spaghetti just starts generating i think about it the whole way home because i
start to feel bad about what i've done and i come up to ludwig in the fucking doff when i when i get
here which is what we call our living room and i i come to him and Cutie and I'm like, look,
I'm sorry I yelled at you.
I owe you an apology. I
realized that what I should have done is I should
have just declined the phone call
responsibly and that's what I should have done.
He's just like, what's going on?
Next time Ludwig's got a fucking gun to his head, he's calling
you because he has one call.
I can lay this one down and he smiles
while hitting the red button
i cannot multitask i if i'm reading nick can speak to this i think it's happened more than a
billion times with nick oh my god if i'm reading like a text or twitter in the car i'm i'm in the
twitter or text dimension i cannot i love it i love it in the death his most annoying habit for
me personally is
i will say something to him when he is like looking at like anything if he if he's a flower
in his general eye line he'll like just look at it i'll say something to him he'll ignore me and
then he'll ask me the question i asked him right after my least favorite trait is when he says
fuck ludwig in genuine terms yeah it makes you wonder who else has he said fuck that because
here's the thing.
This is what I'm most mad about, is that you said it after you hung up in your mind.
Because I would have said it on the phone with you.
I would have gone, I would have said, fuck you, Eamon.
You made me miss my turn.
And then you'd be like, what?
And I'd be like, I missed my goddamn turn.
It's just a way of managing frustration.
Everything mean I've ever said to Ludwig I've said was fake.
That's true.
It's not about him.
It's just being mad in this situation. Being mad that I have
15 more minutes home. Shake his hand.
Oh! He hit him
with it one time. Can we get a slow motion replay?
I went from handshake and I flicked him off.
I jebaited him. It was really good.
We're even now. We're even now.
But I have something on Ludwig now.
What? Wait. Okay. We're shifting the gears back.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Wait. What?
It's the beef episode. Today. It's the beef episode.
It's the rap battle?
Today in the car.
Oh, no.
What happened?
This is super, super, super funny.
We're driving back.
We went to go get food this morning, or like, realistically, early afternoon.
But, uh, it's the muggle morning.
The muggle 11 a.m.
And, uh, school, like, school is back in session.
There are school buses again.
Uh-huh. Because kids can actually go to class.
And in front of us, I haven't seen this or, like, had this happen to me before.
There's a bus with, like, a stop sign out while it drops off a bunch of kids, right?
Yeah.
And I'm a little, he's giving me shit.
Because I, it's like a few, I would say, like, it's yards in front of an intersection that has a green light.
And I decide to go through the intersection
and then stop behind the bus.
You're supposed to stop 15 feet behind a bus
and he was like within 10.
I gave them probably like 10.
I'm still stopped behind the bus.
You're still, I mean, you're still a threat to their life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what?
And I hate kids.
And I'll say that.
No, and he's giving me shit for this.
And we're just sitting behind the bus.
It's taking so long.
There's so many goddamn kids getting out of this bus.
There's actually closing in on like 30 kids getting out of this bus. They unloaded a herd.
There's actually closing in on like 30 kids getting out of this bus, which is crazy.
They could have killed Mufasa.
That's how many were running out.
Ludwig sits.
He rolls the window down real slow.
He looks at a group of the kids, and he's like, you guys ever heard of Ludwig on Twitch?
Oh, my God.
They turn around, look at him, say nothing, and he's just like, I'm just
getting any roles in back up.
Wow. Not only are you vain,
but you're a pedophile.
And also
an unsuccessful.
There could not have been a
creepier way to approach these kids.
They're all
clearly like 12 or 13 years old.
And he's just like, hey, were you just betting that they'd all like clearly like 12 or 13 years old and he's just like hey
were you just betting that they'd be like no i just thought it'd be funny to aid in because
i immediately closed it we got we got loving in the car if you guys want to meet him
he rolled up the window he rolled up the window so fast so they had so little time to process
what he had done so even if they did kind of realize it,
it was one of those situations where it's like tomorrow they'll be on the bus.
And like,
you think that really was Ludwig?
I said it like I own a white van.
I said,
you guys know Ludwig?
You guys ever,
you guys ever watched Ludwig?
You always give me shit for like doing stupid gambles,
but you're just the same.
You just,
you're in less situations.
No,
the difference between you and me is you'd leave the window open. I closed it yeah to share the moment with aiden do you know the way it's
everyone's moment the way he concedes in these moments you know what the like the works clip
that he posted the other day where he like eventually like concedes in embarrassment or
sort of that tone he did the exact same thing with the kids it was so funny i don't do that
because i own it i have it's like in baseball or like bean eating is when you follow through yeah with well that's because i do the
british humor you do the american humor what's the what is you ever hear that analogy no it's uh
they're talking about the scene from i think uh like the frat moving animal house or whatever
but it's like the brits are always the ones who want to be shamed themselves and the americans
are ones who like take pride in it like you revel in that yeah you must yeah to win like the Brits are always the ones who want to be shamed themselves. And the Americans are ones who like take pride in it.
Like you revel in that.
Yeah, you must.
Yeah.
To win.
You must be shamed.
But the Brits like will feel shame and will act shamed.
Yes, you must offload your shame to the others.
Yeah.
That's the American way.
You will make it uncomfortable for yourself, but then you'll hold it and then everyone else is uncomfortable.
It's like what Nick did to that poor, poor girl whose face he farted in.
What?
Yeah. I told this story in the podcast. Yeah, story yeah yeah yeah in gym class oh yeah i thought this was like recent
decorated american i'm harder fought than the marines let me add by the way
one of them for sure recognized me but they were just too fun they didn't they recognized me i know
they did he just gave them too little time to say something no like they like you could see the
gears clicking
and then I heard like,
oh my god, is that?
What a failure.
Like, one person said it.
You should have just been there.
No, it was funny.
You heard that?
I didn't hear that.
It was funny.
No, he was like,
oh my god, I love this video.
You should have got out of the car
with your shirt off.
You know, he was like,
no, I never, what?
It's me, Ludwig.
You recognize me now?
That's actually a misdemeanor.
It would have been funny
if you just got out of the car.
Like, just stepped out.
Just start sprinting
at them.
Anybody want me to
sign something?
They don't know
what to mean.
Hold on.
And you just get
out.
Do you guys want a
picture?
What's going on?
Yeah.
What is the I will
wait.
What was the other
bit that you did?
You like were on
the phone and you're
like oh yeah tell
them it's for Ludwig.
Oh yeah.
I think we talked
about it on the pod
but I was yeah I was on the phone with a restaurant and i was like do you guys have any reservations
they're like no and i was like well can you tell him ludwig's coming but i but it was muted
and then he like winked at everyone's like yeah but it's a good bit i ran a bit the slime one
would be not muting i ran a bit that's right because i ran a bit in the gym that you said
i'm not allowed to talk about wait a bit in the gym that you said I'm not allowed to talk about
wait
a bit in the gym
I don't remember this
it was a phone call
based bit
oh yeah
okay
can we talk about it now
yeah we can talk about it
wait you want to talk about it
I'm not going to talk about
how slime's a psychopath
oh this actually is
dude this is not
this was like not cool
Nick wait wait wait
let's get
I feel like I'm the
arbiter of this
I didn't think it was funny hold up hold up do. I feel like I'm the arbiter of the situation.
I didn't think it was funny.
Hold up, hold up. Do you guys talk when I'm not there?
What's going on?
No, we were all in the gym together.
Court is in session.
Everyone relax.
Court is in session.
Everyone at home is the jury.
Nick is the judge.
Here is what happened.
This is where the line is crossed.
Everyone says you're sick.
Slime's the defendant.
All right, I'm the plaintiff along with my co-plaintiff, Eamon.
What happened is we were in the gym,
and then I was talking about how I want to run an event
and I need to book a venue.
And so I said to Aiden, like,
hey, we need to call this place.
And then he like looked kind of dumbfounded.
He said, quote, get Vegas on the phone.
Yes, that was my exact quote.
You are such a loser.
And so then he does nothing for a while.
He's like, I'm not going to do that.
Slime pulls out his phone and then dials the number, hits call.
A few seconds pass and I hear this.
911 operator, what's your emergency?
You called the cops?
He's 31.
He ran a bit, right?
And then I was like, I'm going to run a bit now.
And I'm going to trump your bit in every single way. So you're afraid to run a bit. Yeah, I'm going to run a bit now. And I'm going to trump your bit in every single way.
So you're afraid to run a bit.
Yeah, I'm about to drone strike 24 hour.
What do you think about that?
Okay, okay, okay.
Look how funny it is, though.
Look at how low he's laughing.
My perspective of this, because he's sitting down on the bench, right?
And I'm standing next to Anthony.
So I watch him type the number in.
And it takes like a weirdly long amount of time between when you click call on 911.
Probably intentionally.
Probably intentionally.
Probably intentionally.
Probably designed.
And it takes like a while.
And because it's not ringing right away and I'm looking at him doing it, I'm like, he's going to back out.
Like this can't be real.
But he lets it go to the fucking operator.
I push all my chips in the middle.
I walked out of the fucking gym, dude. I actually couldn couldn't take it i didn't want to be in the room so uh
wow this is a lot to take in um what i've deduced is anthony is a complete psychopath thank you uh
absolutely unhinged raw psychopathic behavior red if i was there i would let him run it of course i
zero laughed and after i chastised him you did chastise me he's like what and i was if i was there i would let him run it of course i zero laughed and after i chastised
him you did chastise me like what and i was like i was like those are funny bits oh my god i was
like if everybody had called the police you would clog up the lines even if it's only a few seconds
which is why i was like oh i guess we can't talk about this like you know on the podcast well we
can follow it up with do not call it and this allegedly happened is there anything you could
have said that would have been funny enough to overshadow
How much how mad you were if you said it is your refrigerator running?
And they said now what's your emergency and he's like you guys got Big Macs
I didn't think about that cuz I got everything I needed right cuz so by the way what happened when I called and said
9-1-1 I said oh God, I dialed the wrong number.
I'm so sorry.
It's a total mistake.
What were you going for, 811?
And then I just – and she's like, it's fine.
And then I hung up.
And so it was like no harm, no foul.
But I was like – it was basically getting the reaction of you guys to fucking – to be like, oh, get Vegas on the phone.
And then I just dialed the cops.
I've always thought Sl would go there, like, in general.
Like, in my head, there's nothing he, like, won't say or do to, like, you know, make the
studio audience applaud or laugh.
This has proven it for eternity.
Yeah.
But you could get your comeuppance.
Like, for example, harmless things can land people in jail.
Do you guys remember the TikToker who went to jail for two years?
No.
He was a TikToker, and I forget which country.
He had this skit where there was a train at uh at a station and it was like starting and he would
put a chair in a table in front and then have like a smoke in front of this train right that was his
whole bit that was it and so the train was like honking as he set up the chair and the table
and then it stopped like a train on the tracks a train on a train like a subway yeah but they the
train stopped they didn't like run him over and that was the whole bit and it was like ah you know just fuck
him over for five seconds whatever right he went to jail for three years why because he disrupted
traffic he just disrupted the train schedule i guess like it's probably dangerous to the people
riding the train maybe it's probably just like it's probably just you cannot be there it would
just kill him it could it could this is at the very start i don't know exactly what the
charge was i do know he went to jail the guys who filmed it also went to jail wow yeah wait
does this make us culpable yeah you're culpable you called the cops illegally get them boys what
if he wu-tang the roach in front of the train you think he still gets arrested i think the driver
hops out daps him up goes back in calls it a day all right i'm to fuck with you. Yeah, you're an unhinged psychopath, allegedly.
You could do the whole thing, but you could just turn it into a rap song.
Yeah, we could put a beat behind that part.
Dude, that's the best Key and Peele sketch when they do the rap song.
I killed Darwin on the street at 9 p.m.
This is Jacob.
We did this exact whole thing.
I love it, though.
It's so funny.
No, we don't need to watch it again.
Let's watch it again.
No, we're not going to watch it.
Now it's funny. Now it's funny. I'll pull it off. I'm going to watch it again let's watch it again it's like in tim and eric's when he's like you want to watch it again and he puts in top gun vhs uh yeah that was it's been a tense week yeah here at the mogul empire
um that all happened um just before ludwig got mad at me right away because I didn't like the Olympics.
But I want to.
Also, you were late.
So I was sleeping and I thought someone would wake me up because I was in public area.
That's crazy.
Because I didn't think anyone would just miss me not being there.
And they would see me and be like, oh, it's 7.30.
To be fair, it's the exact opposite end of the home where the show is recorded also that's what happened it just was more so that we had to wait to be like oh we should
go get him because he's not coming oh so no one knew i was asleep right it was when amon found me
yeah yeah you're woken up next time if i get tired like that i'll just sleep in a more like
open space so you can just slip up here kick me why don't you just butt chug
adderall
like a normal adult i could do that but i had just eaten and i wanted to go to nappy time for a bit
all right so i get my energy up basically you had said the other day he's like you know what
you need to be nicer and i was like why but what he was talking about is the context of like telling
everyone in the camera that i hate them yeah and it's like because it's he said it's not true you don't hate all of them you don't
you only hate like a couple people that annoy you and i was like you're right actually and i just
wanted to make that i i wanted to bring that up because it's true because i i need to use the
ludwig system if there was a dennis system but it's ludwig and there's like a poggers face on it and it's just like let everything go all the time understand that you're that you're like whatever
it is right edible equals ice cream all the equations but part of it is that there's so
many people that watch right and then there's this many people that comment which is tiny fraction
and then there's like this many comments that piss you off and it's like this tiniest little
fraction and to you it's like a little bigger and to me it's like that many comments that piss you off. And it's like this tiniest little fraction. And to you, it's like a little bigger.
And to me, it's like, that's the whole pie, the bitch pie.
You just talk about people DM you in such scathing terms.
But then you'll follow up saying like, fuck you all.
And then I went into the DLTGC and you said, and I quote, man, all these people who are
commenting for the algorithm are so nice.
That's true.
And I was like, you would never say this on the pod.
That's true.
And they would love to hear that.
And I think that's what's important is I need to sprinkle in the nice times with the times where I'm upset like a good abusive father would do.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
Maybe not that same part.
Emotionally abusive.
Maybe uncle would be nicer.
Emotionally abusive uncle.
Doesn't make you feel good all the time.
I feel like we're not talking about me enough.
I'm in a music video.
Dude.
Okay. I. So me and Ludwig, you know, longtime homies, best friends, even some would say. I feel like we're not talking about me enough I'm in a music video Dude okay
So me and Ludwig you know long time homies
Best friends even some would say
Ludwig comes
To my work one day and he's like
Yeah I was at like a secret project I can't tell you
And I'm like oh yeah where were you
And he's like can't tell you
You baited him like that
No don't be smug
And I'm like
Why are you NDA A-ing me over...
You know I'd tell you whatever.
Yeah.
Why'd you fuck me like that?
I fucked you because they said not to leak.
They said no leakies.
Oh, okay.
I will say, Ludwig is a no-leak respecter.
Like, it's like...
No, he's not.
No, he's not.
I'm...
What?
That's a heavy...
Sometimes he leaks to his homies. It's the beef episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's not. That's a heavy act. Sometimes he leaks to his homies.
It's the beef episode.
There's two different types.
There's ones that leak to homie leaks.
And that's chill.
And then there's some that you can't even leak to homies.
I can't tell you about Slime's failed circumcision penis.
Alright?
You don't have to tell me.
I can check Yelp for that one.
You can turn around like The Voice right now.
If we go all the way back to like episode two,
I talked about how beautiful my penis is on several accounts.
You did.
I did, and I supported it.
That's weird.
You were there.
I saw the evidence.
I know, but you don't even support global warming initiatives.
That's true.
That's baseless.
You're the guy who says global warming is a hoax, right?
You think it's not real.
I'm not that guy.
You're anti-vaccinated.
I will say on that comment.
DM him to get him to do the vaccine.
Oh, my God.
It makes it sound like he likes it.
Like, oh, Tony Pfizer.
Oh, shit.
I'd love to ask you a question.
Yeah, please.
Why did you post weed in our topic channel
okay do you want the story yeah i have no you just put you're so chuck all of us all of us are in the
discord we're like thinking like you know during the week things happen to us it's like blah blah
and let it would have come in and be like uh weed uh two plus seven and like an acorn my topic list
was fuck amen weed america pog pog yeah those are your three topics to
be fair it is like a scratch pad right i wrote september 11th the other day like i know what
that means that's what no but that's what i'm saying i think we all know what that means if it
is if it is like that then why can't he just well some are because some i write more i write more
and i don't want to post that you go into his actual phone and it just says pog pog champ
there's some secret terms you wouldn't get right right right so uh well okay I don't want to post that. You go into his actual phone and it just says Pog, Pog Champ, Poggy Woggy.
There's some secret terms you wouldn't get.
Right, right, right.
So, well, okay.
I don't talk about this a lot on stream.
Mostly because I hate promoting weed culture.
Because I feel like every time growing up that weed was brought up, people...
You keep Austin weird shirt.
It's tie-dye.
I hate promoting weed.
I'm so annoyed.
I'm so annoyed that you're wearing that shirt.
I'm wearing this outfit like three days in a row because we went to Texas together and I made it a thing
I was like before I leave I need a keep Austin weird shirt. I've heard the lore
I just I bet we're all the way at the airport leaving and at this point
I had not seen one and I was just like maybe they don't fucking exist and I found one in the airport
I've been talking about all trip
So I buy one and then cutie had overheard this conversation and me wanting one so she bought me one in the same airport we were walking separately
and then she comes over it's like this whole thing oh my god yeah i already have one it was
like this whole thing and now i don't have one but ludwig does and he wasn't even one of the
parties concerned and i think he just has mine i know this is extra large i think i think you
lost yours you didn't you throw yours away?
Yeah, they threw it away.
That's what this was about.
So that's mine.
They threw it away.
Okay, well, I got you that shirt, so we're fair.
It's true.
I got him that.
It's a nice shirt.
Extra large.
Yeah, I buy an XL because it's a shitty shirt.
I never threw out the large to my memory, but I could have.
That's for sure true.
Really quick, I'm going to let you get back to your story, but she threw away your romper yeah no it shrunk okay it shrunk and i couldn't wear it as it was because it would
i would have like what do you call camel toe but for guys like it would split my it would split
my balls they call it they call it dr pepper 10 it's for men it looks like a metronome they call
it mountain dew code red yeah she made it sound like she didn't tell you and it was on the low
no it was just that I put it in the dryer
and I wore it to Disney with her family
and then my dick was out, basically.
And she's like, you can't wear that.
And I was like, I'm wearing this.
Wait, you wore it to Disney with your dick out?
I wore shorts over it just in case.
Basically, there was more cock in me.
I was triple layered.
I had underwear, a romper, and shorts.
I could have pissed myself and no one would have known
and i did at indiana jones yeah and came and came against again i had the whole nine yards in there
eight hours at disney in the sun it was gross and you'll never believe the order
all right as i was saying uh i don't like promoting weed on stream because growing up i would i hated
stoners because they would always
Tout the medical facts and it's not addictive
Yada yada but I feel like they were always
Lazy motherfuckers and I feel like
All they ever wanted to do was smoke weed
And if it wasn't that it was lame
So I hate that but
But now I find the benefits of it so I think it's cool
Admittedly
No admittedly
It just cuts to him and he's wearing like a Rasta hat?
He dreads that.
But then I heard the song I Love College and it kind of reframes the way I look at this.
You can explain this better than me.
Describe Ludwig after because I hate – I still don't smoke.
Ludwig after.
I'm like, get smoking.
Ludwig pops a little cookie with some THC in it and he comes over.
He's tugging my shirt like a child. you want an ice cream he does this cute i i think i told you guys he does that cute thing every time
he's high he's like love you man yeah yeah uh this has been well documented i'm generally a treat
while high and it's also and it's also um and i can always tell letter will
come up to me with like this aura to him like one time we were in vegas one time he comes up
to me at the table and he's looking at me smiling and i'm like are you high and he's like i want
ice cream it's very noticeable but i'm also i'm enjoying it a lot which which i like i don't like
like being i i'm not gonna say who i hung out with someone in vegas for like two hours and then after hanging out i was like all right see you later man and uh and he was like he had said
something i was like oh that's weird and then he's like oh yeah i've been tripping on acid and i'm
like what all the time he was he was such a functioning acid tripper yeah it's not it's not
like the movies man it's not like where you're like wow yeah it's like sometimes you're just
kind of looking at but i am i'm discernibly different i think while taking an edible so anyway that's
this is my this is my devil of choice i don't like drinking i think the calories are bad i'm
trying to lose weight uh so i don't drink a beer after i'll take an edible uh a couple times a week
few times a week whatever really that often now yeah i'll do it like like uh like 11 p.m to watch
a movie because i work most of the day. Like I wake up at noon to one.
No days off either.
I got no days off
and I work until like 11 p.m.
and then I just basically
watch something on TV with QD.
We are going to be in like
episode 117 of the podcast
and he'll be like,
yeah, so I mean,
I'll heat it up in the spoon.
And it's like just before 11.
Can you take one
before the next episode?
No, I would never work high.
I would never stream high. I would never stream high.
I would never make a YouTube video high.
I would never record a pod high.
I would love the...
You don't like to cross streams.
Maybe if our Patreon hits a thousand members,
we can do a gummy episode.
A gummy episode?
And I'll pop like 50 milligrams.
I'll do a gummy bear.
Yeah, we'll do the high side.
The high side versus the sober side.
Or we just make one person do it so they're extra anxious.
I think I'm going to have a panic attack.
Realistically, I think I'm going to.
So anyway, I sometimes take edibles, but I've never purchased them ever, ever.
You're like a hot girl.
Yeah.
Cutie had some, and I had bummed hers, and I just ran out of the supply from that.
And so I was in the market, and I was like, of the supply from that. And so I was like in the market
and I was like, I want some edibles.
So I decided to put on my big boy pants
and I went by myself to go buy them
because Cutie was live.
And I basically had told her like three days earlier,
I was like, can you do this?
Just to clarify, were the big boy pants
the American flag shorts?
The big boy pants were the American flag shorts and Crocs.
Okay.
Mommy, can you go get the big boy pants for me? Yeah, and Crocs okay, mommy can can you go get yeah?
I told you sure I said I want a bowl. I'm working. Yeah, I need the move pack
So I had to I not only did I have to get my own edibles. I buy my own toothbrush this week, okay?
Oh, no, I know it. I know so hard. I did actually steal something while you're right
I stole I did about who he would be without Cutie? What? Without me?
What the fuck?
Well, and you.
It's Adam?
Well, hold on, hold on.
How dare you?
Just to clarify.
You also glossed over the fact that he stole something.
He just said that.
I did steal something.
Wait, you stole the weed?
You don't listen.
He never listens.
No, I did not steal the weed.
I went to Target to buy a toothbrush, and I stole something while I was at Target accidentally,
allegedly.
Oh, accidentally.
I put, it was like travel-sized CeraVe face wash,
and I put it in my back pocket.
You do love that.
You're such an asshole.
It was like four bucks.
You have so much money.
It was not on purpose.
Also, fuck Big Corpse.
Why are you stealing toothbrushes?
We love CeraVe.
We do love CeraVe.
Let's replace all the corpse with corpse husband.
You know what I'm saying?
So anyway, I go out on this adventure.
It's like 10 o'clock.
Every dispensary closes at like 11 pretty much. Okay. And so I'm like, I have enough time. husband you know i'm saying so anyway i go out on this adventure it's like 10 o'clock every
dispensary closes at like 11 pretty much okay and so i you know i'm like i have enough time
so i'm driving and then i find out that even though it's very legal not only federally but
definitely in the state of california it's still very very sketchy like there's a way to have shit
on you just to just the dispensaries themselves oh i see what you're saying like i
went to one i went to this this building and it said there was a dispensary there on google and
i was like great and uh and i went upstairs and it was like a smoke shop and i was like this might
be it and they're like oh no we were actually just actual smoking like tobacco the weed chops
downstairs it's a blacked out door and i walk in and it's just a dude standing there and there's
another door and i left i was like fuck that
really that's weird yeah because he turned he turned around like i just put it ajar and he's
standing like right in front of the door like blocking me like if this was the sims i would
not be able to enter the room and so i just walked away and i didn't go to that dispensary i was like
fuck that place wow did you just go in no i didn't go in it made me uncomfortable so i find another place
because i'm i am not this i am not of the aura of a man who smokes or should be around you guys
you guys have big doobie here hi i'm trying to smoke on the dead ops do you perhaps have
so i i finally find a place that's open because at this point i've literally wasted an hour
driving around trying to find places.
One place was called like Alley Weed
and I was driving around trying to find it
and I called them and I was like,
where are you guys?
And they're like, we're in the alley.
And I was like, okay, can I come there?
And they're like, we close at 11.
And I'm like, it's 1050.
And I was like, yeah.
And so I didn't go.
That's the Weed 11.
So I have to drive even farther.
I'm like 30 minutes away from home.
I finally find a place on Google Maps and it's like dispenser you're open until midnight i'm
like perfect i go in it it looks like pueblos it looks like i'm in favela in modern warfare 2
it's just like it's over the ladder stall it's like an apartment complex it's an apartment
complex and you walk into it and there's like a business and it's like foot massage and one's like, it's like, it's like flower house.
And then there's an unnamed door and I, and I'm like, is this it?
And I hear, and I recognize that sound.
It's the same guy from the other store.
No, it's the sound of them unlocking the door.
So it's like an apartment.
You can buzz people.
Oh yeah.
They buzz me in, but there's no sign. And it's like an apartment you can buzz people oh yeah they buzz
me in but there's no sign and there's like four different places they just saw me from a camera
and i was like so i open it and it's a and it's just like a room with a table and a sheet of paper
and a pen and i walk up to it and it's like just like a draw like a cool animal and i'll go see
what we got and i hear i hear yo and i turn i look around there's no one there there's a small window and a dude goes his first words first time
and i'm like yeah let's get those shorts off and let's see what you got working for you and he's
like fill out the form and i was like oh i'm uh i said this i said i want to buy weed
it's like mystery team where he's just like he's like you want to eat yeah let's let's get
eight balls how much is that it's like four hundred dollars he says well you gotta fill
out the form i'm like okay and i'm scared i'm scared about this form it's just like name uh
date of birth number and so i put i put i didn't want to put my name. Yeah. I put Aiden. No way.
No, come on.
I put Aiden, but halfway through putting his name, I became self-conscious that they would
ask for my ID and cross-check it.
So I put Aiden Ogren.
Just, just in case you wanted both of you to die.
Yeah.
And then I put my phone number and I was like, I don't want them on my number, but I also
don't want them to read the number
and then type it in and then text.
So I write my-
What do you think they're gonna do?
Like type, hey, I'm just gonna check real quick.
Yeah, I thought they-
I'm gonna send you an emoji.
Literally, yeah.
Literally, I thought they would do,
I thought they'd send me like squirt gun emoji, skull face.
You're not ready to be high.
You are like, you have-
No, I'm not.
I'm so anxious.
And so I write my number,
but so terribly that three of the numbers were not discernible.
On purpose?
Yeah, purposefully.
Put a couple letters in there, too.
That was the whole form, and I hand it to him.
And then he buzzes me, and again, there's a second door.
This is like Sandy Cheeks' home.
There was a waiting chamber before he could go to the actual place.
And then there was a puzzle, and a troll had to get past.
And all I'm thinking to myself is,
sales cannot be high.
This is too much, like, curtain,
too much friction.
I go in, there's a woman,
and she's like, hey, what do you want?
And again, I'm not much of a weed guy,
so I'm like, hey, I want the eat weed.
And she's like,
you don't know what you're saying. And she's like you don't know and she's like okay and then she
pulls out like a like she has a trench coat of stuff she's like okay this is indica sativa she
pulls out i'm not shitting you a cheetos bag a nerd's rope and in in fruit by the but the by the
foot the exact bagging but it's thc it's marijuana versions of them all you got hot
we got bird roast she's like what do you want and i'm like bro i don't know
like uh marijuana or is any of that this i was like i just want an edible and she goes uh-oh
and i'm like what she goes she points to a board i read i'm like scanning scanning it's like
thursday you said the wrong word no no i read thursday buy one get one free and i'm like
so i'm like i'm like fuck it i don't know what either of these mean i'll go with the sativa
and the indica double dip yes sir and then and then she's like trying to sell me on shit
suicide the weed store she pulls out something she's like we've been working on this you want this i'm like sure
she's like giving you napkins you can eat these and then she's like you're a first-time customer
right i'm like yep she goes here you go i'm like bro they're hooking you up yeah they're like
hooking me up and i'm like this is free and then i go to why people are going back yeah i i go to pay i put
out my card she's like no cash only and i'm like i'm like they're laundering money and i look at
her i'm like sorry i don't have and she goes turn around atms right there and it was it was 60 bucks
i get this entire collection and i and i leave and it felt like I was transported to another world. And the weirdest part about this is as I was exiting,
it was like this 65-year-old Mexican woman who followed in.
She went in as I was exiting, and I was like,
this is the craziest clientele.
She put her hand out for a fist bump, and you totally iced her out.
You walk out, ma'am, what year is it?
She's like, 1874.
What do you mean?
And that was it that was my i i
successfully bought it but i am so i'm so not built for it yeah i didn't know it was so treacherous
i mean it is legal but you know any business is like any business can be shady or maybe shady is
the wrong word just doesn't make you feel welcome like an apple store would yeah you need the apple
store i do i need a genius to be like explaining me what the difference between everything is every weed shop
i have ever seen in seattle is more like an apple store it's yeah it's super colorado as well
colorado is like a very advanced like it's kind of like wakanda you know it's like there's this
it's this hyper advanced like future state because it's been around for a couple more years i'm frile how can i
get you high today you're joking but it's kind of like it's crazy it's kind of like on the subject
of both weed and what we were talking about earlier is wild gambles um one time i got pulled
over i used to sell weed i i mentioned this a couple times on allegedly uh allegedly i i did
allegedly used to sell weed um i did it in the in between
when i like worked and went to community college and then i like saved up money and went to real
college i'm sorry four-year college it's real college i went to community college i know i
know it's actually way cheaper it's it's definitely the strat anyway so i would sell weed and i was
allegedly and i was kind of like uh i had this system where I had a board in my room.
It was a white board, and it was called the Scoundrel Board.
Basically, I would front you a bag for up to a week and say,
you can pay me back in a week.
And if you don't, and if you skip the date or you do not get a hold of me,
I will write your name on the Scoundrel Board,
and I will tell everyone in town, because we live in a small town,
that you do not fucking pay back,
and I will tell all the other guys that sell weed.
And it was a very good system.
And I was also a good pot dealer,
allegedly, because I would deliver.
Yeah.
And this is way before legalization.
DiGiorno.
This is way before decriminalization.
If I got caught with two bags,
I would be in big trouble.
Because you get caught with one,
it's like whatever.
You get caught with two, it's like...
If you get caught with too much,
it's distributing.
That's two is bad. There's an amount... We gotta get you. Yeah, there's an amount that's two it's like if you get caught too much it's like that's two that's two is bad there's an amount i gotta get you yeah there's an amount
that's personal use and if you have more than that then it's intent to distribute and then you get
however also if you have like a bunch and you're like a couple bags it's like it's obviously you
know they can make a case for that anyway i'm driving and i'm driving to community college
because i have class and i'm driving and i get fucking pulled over and there's a big old stinky
shit ton of weed in my glove box.
Now, I keep it in a jar because it's pretty airtight, but sometimes it's just – hey, sometimes it's too dank, brother.
Yeah, sometimes the weed smell.
I also haven't smoked in like so long.
I hate weed culture too.
But I buy the Rasta Belt from Zoomies.
That's so cool.
And so I get pulled over, and this cop approaches the door, and she's like, you know, how rasta belt from zoomies that's still cool and so i get pulled over and this cop
uh you know approaches the door and she's like you know you know how fast we're going
i'm like oh i'm so sorry and i'm no it's in there and i'm like i know it smells like weed and i'm
like fuck and she immediately is like do you know it smells like marijuana in your car and i was
like oh yeah my friends like they all they all smoke in here and I don't smoke at all.
I don't like that.
I don't.
And she's like, okay.
She like gets my license.
She walks back.
She comes back.
And she's like, so, you know, it is.
I'm going to have to search a car.
I smell weed.
You know, I have probable cause.
And I'm like, look, I'm late for class right now.
I have my books in the passenger seat, like right there.
I'm like, I'm late for class.
Like, I'm just trying to get to class.
I promise.
Like, you could drug test me right now. i could pee in a cup right now and i would
not show up it's my friends i promise you and she she's kind of just like sitting there and she's
just fucking like the the slot machine's just running in her mind and she's like okay drive
safe okay and then left wow and i got away with it do you want to hear the opposite version of
that story yes i had a friend growing up, and a lot of people
when they smoke or
take weed in any fashion, they get
really anxious. They make Kid Cudi albums.
And also make Kid Cudi albums.
He got high, and then he was
driving home, and then he
got super anxious. He had a panic
attack. First time he ever had it. If you've ever had a
panic attack, it feels like you're dying. He called
the cops, because he thought he was going to die. gonna die self-snitched and he self-snitched
they got him in trouble yeah it was a dwi driving while intoxicated bro yeah that's brutal for
calling the cops on himself he's like a 16 17 year old he had no fucking clue you know
hey how are you I'm really fucking high. Dude, that's it.
Real quick, before I tell you guys another tale of my fucking weird father,
we need to give a little shout out to a not so weird sponsor, which is Coinbase.
Hey, guys, Coinbase is still sponsoring this podcast somehow.
Oh, like Coinbase.
That's what I call it.
Hey, we love that.
Don't we all call it that?
Here's the
reality we would just appreciate if you guys gave a little love to corn base because they keep giving
love to us yes kiss kiss code yet no no code yet all right well maybe we'll get it use code
there's no code just tweet at coinbase on their twitter until the social media has to tell
his boss to give us a code. That's how it works.
Also, I would like everyone, if you have the app or if you don't have it, to get the app and then open mouth kiss your phone.
I want a video of you open mouth kissing your cell phone.
With Coinbase.
With Coinbase on it.
And then you'll randomly start swiping and you'll land on a coin and you buy that coin.
And that's how it goes.
I don't think they would like this, hey ethereum's up though anyway coinbase uh yeah
appreciate it uh again show them some love uh show their social media guys some love and in return
their brand and that's how that's the mother's milk that keeps things like this happening so
yes sir i got pulled over once you want to tell your story i want to tell my story it was me i
don't have a story i I thought you said opposite story.
You already told that.
So my father, he loved telling this to me when I was a kid and growing up.
When I was a small baby infant, he was driving a car with me and my mom in the car.
And my mom was holding me.
And he's driving.
And my dad doesn't like cops.
He's been in trouble a few times.
Just a bit
of a rebel with the law with the law anyway he gets pulled over and the cops get him static
probably because you know cops are dicks but also my dad is like probably being kind of a dick too
and uh he the cop asked my dad if he had any drugs on him in the car uh kind of like a deja vu
situation in in time and my dad had said to the
cop is what he told me he's like yeah i got about 40 kilos of coke lining all the lining all the
interior yeah i got drugs in the car yeah and his freshly birthed newborn son is in the car with
you know my mom and uh so the cops like not having that shit so he was like oh yeah
get out and so my mom has to stand there holding me while he called another person and they came
and they ripped open the interior of the car and just like wasted everyone's time it would be so
funny if he had lined everything with just bags of like flour or baking soda. They would have shot him in the face. They don't kill you.
You have cocaine.
Fuck.
Yeah.
They've killed for less.
There was no like, you know, it was just a big waste of time.
They found nothing.
They didn't like put him, you know, they didn't jam him up or like, you know, give him a ticket or anything.
Maybe they did give him a ticket.
But they didn't like, you can go to jail for that.
Sure.
Obstruction and shit but yeah and he he would tell me all of this all the
time like hey yeah this one time's like for one you've said that before two why are you telling
me that you did this you're my father you're my dad stop i'm nine anyway one of my favorite bits
is when people say oh yeah but it's actually the truth oh yeah i came in your bed when you weren't home yeah
this is i lift up the pillow and the tooth come fairies there and it's coming it's dried up and
gross oh come on it's like every i think you should leave bit that's true
so one time with my friends we're all driving in the car and uh at the time i used to have this
bobble head that was just Jesus Christ.
And I thought it was really funny to put it on my dashboard because if my music was loud enough, he'd like bob up and down.
I thought it was funny.
But it got really hot on my dashboard.
So the adhesive like melted and it would just fall off constantly.
So at this point, it's just sitting upside down in my cup holder.
And I'm driving, albeit pretty fast.
I'm like 16, 17, 18 years old.
I'm somewhere in there and driving pretty fast. I'm like 16, 17, 18 years old. I can't, I'm somewhere in there.
And driving pretty fast and a cop pulls me over.
They come behind me and music is like blaring out of my car.
I'm like fuck, I'm gonna get a ticket.
I'm going like 85, 90 to 60.
Like I'm going fast.
And I pull over and I had my anime moment.
I look down and I'm like i look at the
cup holder and i see the jesus bobblehead and i'm like this will save me and i go and i put it up on
the dashboard and i face it towards the window and then the cop comes up and he is mad he's like
yelling at me he's like you have any fucking idea how fast i clocked you out and i'm sitting there
and i'm like both hands on the steering wheel i know how it goes i'm like i'm so sorry officer and i'm like getting out of the way i like want him to see this and no shit his eyes are yelling at me and
he does this thing where he's like yelling and then he looks over and his eyes meet the bobblehead
and then he kind of stops and he looks back at me and he goes i'm gonna let you off with a warning
oh my god and i was like oh thank you so officer. And then he left. I just ripped the shit off.
Get back in the ashtray.
St. Luke 316, motherfucker.
Dude, eat shit and die.
That's the meta.
By the way, that's literally thanking Jesus.
Yeah.
Like, thanks, Jesus.
That was my one time.
Jesus did give you your one.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
You used it so early.
Yeah, you did use it early.
Yeah, I'm fucked.
If it makes you feel better, I use mine on Pokemon. Oh, my pokemon oh my fucking god didn't even pay off i caught a snorlax oh that's big for you yeah
what's the snorlax what you doing now oh the game's gone the file's deleted file's deleted
doesn't exist anymore maybe i get another one because the file's deleted it's called the one
well that's the whole thing it's like the one time yeah i will say guys i know a lot of you
are younger listeners don't waste your one time.
All right?
Don't make it a $200 roulette spin in Vegas.
When Mango was about to win Summit, it was a whole venue of people all at the same time
using their one time.
They were trying to find their one time.
Yeah, everyone was going through their bag for their one time.
Just give it to this drunk guy.
Give it to the man with the beard.
He can't win the second game on FD unless he ever went to confession that day just to get some credit up and there were enough look about that one time
earlier i know i said i wanted to do that but do you also think for a one time it needs to like
have confirmed to happen like if you use your one time it wasn't your one time if it fails right
okay so don't worry about that if you feel like you've already so god can still refuse god can refuse and he will and he will all the time why are you why are you making such
uh-oh tell me about the olympics come on no no i actually have a so i i watched this other i don't
even watch the podcast but there's there's a trend on tiktok i thought this would be funny where they
read reddit threads of am i the asshole oh yeah so when there was a lull TikTok, I thought this would be funny, where they read Reddit threads of am I the asshole.
Oh, yeah.
So when there was a lull, I just had copied this one,
if you guys want to hear it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Am I the asshole?
Hey, this happened a couple weeks ago, but it caused a huge fight,
and I'm still on bad terms with my roommate.
For context, I was let go from my job due to COVID.
I live with a roommate who has a job that allows him to work from home.
We live in a small house, so our desks are in the same work area.
Due to my recent job loss, I've been spending a lot of time with him it's been pretty good we're similar and get
along great we share a fridge in the work area that's usually stocked with energy drinks i like
lacroix one evening oh my god i took a can of iced tea that looked really good and drank it without
thinking much of it we've had tea in there before admittedly a different flavor though my roommate
saw i drank the tea and was furious.
He said that his special tea he got to enjoy and that I should have known it wasn't mine.
I said I'd get him a new one, but he said I should apologize.
I didn't think I did anything wrong, so I didn't apologize and we had a fight.
Am I the asshole?
Now, if you guys don't get it, This is actually what happened a few days ago
Between Aiden and Slime
Aiden was the narrator's voice
And Slime was the one who got upset at him
For the tea
I was so fucking mad at Aiden
I had to chill out
I took a video while this was happening
You thought it'd be funny
I thought it'd be funny
And then it was real quick one One of those things where you go
and you put the phone down.
I will start this episode with the video of that room.
By the way, we're fine now.
Me and Aiden are very good at having disagreements
and then hugging it out.
So funny, cause me and Anthony go get food
and he's like, gets a special tea out of the fridge
and he also asked me to get coffee so i'm like you're getting coffee and he's like no no this
is for later and i was like i'm like oh i'm like oh dude he's reserving a little treat for himself
oh man i was even thinking maybe i should get one uh-huh and so so later on later on he accidentally
leaves the drink in my car and i'm like oh hey you forgot your tea and he's like oh thanks my specialty and then he gets the tea and he puts it in the fridge goes about
his day i i come in later and i look over at aiden and aiden has the tea in his hand i look back at
the fridge the fridge is empty and i look over i'm like i'm like something's about everything's
like i read it out the question for the viewers at home is is
aiden the asshole for not apologizing that that was what i was the most angry about is i saw the
empty can and i said you drank my tea dude i if this was yesterday i'd be so mad at him starting
to laugh right now because i was genuinely just like you drank my tea, dude. That fucking sucks. And then instead of like saying, oh, bro, I'm sorry.
He's just like, yeah, it was in there like a fucking asshole.
And I was so, oh my God.
I do believe, I believe Anthony when he says he was more mad about the reaction.
I can believe that.
Anthony has done this to me before.
Oh, yeah.
He has the least street credit for being like, that's mine.
Because he's the biggest thief.
Anthony's old shit was
I'll go buy you another one
Yeah
And I'm like
I wanted that one
I'll never forget
When he took your yerb
And then
You never take a yerb
You were like
Bro
And you got mad at him
And then he got it one
And it was the wrong flavor
Now we have a whole palette
You can't just
Look
You can't just
Steal the green
And come back with the blue
It's true
You don't do that to the homie
But the thing is I never I was never like, Nick's being a fucking pussy right now.
I was like, ah, fuck.
And I apologize.
Yeah, Aiden is a psychopath.
Unlike me and you.
The question at home for the viewers is, is Aiden the asshole?
Yes or no?
Comment below.
I will say, here's a couple, if you want to, again, court is now in session.
A couple points in the plaintiff's argument is that this type of little canned tea has never been in there before, ever.
There's also literally just –
Energy drinks.
Like, that's it.
So it's very clear that this is like –
No, I read it.
Energy drinks.
A special item.
There's very literally energy drinks only.
Very clearly a special item in that fridge.
Also, it had just shown up.
There were so many factors for Aiden
to look at the fridge every day
and be like,
huh, there's a special thing in there.
You know what's funny?
He says that.
Fuck yeah.
I'm a piece of shit.
That is almost exactly what happened.
Everybody,
the three of us were in the room
and I looked at the fridge
and I pointed and I said,
oh, there's a green tea in there.
And no one said anything.
You're acting like I was involved in this.
I was watching a fucking video.
I was watching a video that said 108 different bizarre media types.
Also, to be fair, am I supposed to...
Here, go ahead. Say it again.
Say it again. Go ahead.
There's a green tea in there.
Oh, that green tea?
Yeah, that's my buddy Anthony's green tea. He's going to drink it again. Go ahead. There's a green tea in there. Oh, that green tea? Yeah, that's my buddy Anthony's green tea.
He's going to drink it later.
What am I supposed to do?
There's no response.
It's in the fridge.
It's in a fridge that is in the community.
The community drink space.
We are too attached to the case to be jurors.
You are defended to plaintiffs.
Don't we all take drinks from that fridge?
You do not have to appeal to us.
It's the chat.
I've read out the
am I the asshole thread.
You guys can decide.
It's a fake thread.
You didn't even
I know.
Is that funny?
I also know chat.
You didn't specify.
You also didn't tell
the part of why
I didn't apologize
which I explained to him
after I explained to you
which is
I think
in general
people
or
or we.
What do you mean by people?
Do you mean us?
You mean Italians?
Is that what you mean?
Just say you mean Italians.
No, no.
I know you want to say it.
No, not.
Spaghet!
Sorry, sorry.
I watched Luca.
It's okay.
When you get, when we all like get initially mad about things,
it's often in sort of this played up way
that sort of comes across as if it could be a joke.
Like how I said,
I hate you from the start of this podcast
and our friendship is over.
Yeah.
Or like when you said fuck loving on the phone
and you're joking.
It's like when you said that.
I wasn't joking.
But that was
guys it was very clear you do not need to defend yourself i read out the story i'm gonna judge
the third party no but your story doesn't have the full context that's okay that's how it works
in life baby listen i will context i would never write the thread that way this is this is a good
sort of idea that me and aiden talked about a lot actually that day Aiden has a sort of point even though he's a bit of a psychopath yeah in a lot of context but I will say the way male bonding
the way male bonding typically works is that it's kind of tough to like talk about your feelings
straight up it's also tough for everyone in general but male bonding you'll often couch
how you feel hurt or upset in in jokes and that you have to like find the kernel of truth in that
and i think that's what we've done a lot in our friend group and to kind of acclimate that
is a little tough especially when you're someone like amen who would literally just like hey that
person said something really mean to you and he'd be like huh what was mean about that but you gotta
you gotta contextualize like when you get a special treat for yourself like there's only one
and you're looking forward to it all day and then you don't get it.
That's a pretty shitty.
Let me line this up.
I've never felt that way in my entire life.
See, that's the problem.
You don't feel things and some people do.
I also don't.
Yeah.
Well, you don't feel anything.
Disagree.
I don't think you're like that.
Retweet plus one.
I don't think you're like that.
Explain.
I think, I think, I think if there was, if there was one more don't eat and you were
like, Oh God, don't eat upstairs. I'm so excited. And you went up and someone you like, I got a donut upstairs. I'm so excited.
You went up and someone was like, you ate it?
You would be so upset. I'd be sad, but I'd get over it quick.
I did that. Remember I ate your cookie?
I'd be upset. What cookie?
It was the one last cookie.
I said I ate it. What was my reaction?
You ate that cookie. I'm like, bro, I'm so sorry.
That was it. You never got me another cookie though.
Yeah. I mean, you give them four cookies.
You also didn't throw it up.
That's true.
I didn't throw it up in your mouth.
That would be actually the most Chad move if you ever took someone's thing.
There.
Oh, you want it?
No, no, no.
It's not, oh, do you want it?
It's, okay, I will remove my enjoyment of this.
That's true.
Yeah.
You know what I could have done?
You could have gotten really mad.
And then I grabbed your face by the sides.
And I vomited the green tea back in your mouth i would like scary movie i would have i would have been insanely furious that
you were fucking touching me but oh my god don't touch it i would have respected it
no you wouldn't like like in retrospect yeah like years later it would take years of trauma
after you had killed and buried him as he's patting on
the top of the grave it was pretty funny though good bit good bit yeah well please tell us about
the news please uh i want to hear about the olympics look the i'm here i just you've been
teasing it i'm here to help you just get up cocksuckers fucking salute the flag i i got an
embarrassing one to third olympics in a row america takes down
the gold medal count beating china by one on the back of women wait on what event the gold medal
tally as a whole oh like all all all time it's a nationalistic race for who can get the most gold
medals and the only people who are able to compete are russia who's banned so they barely competed
china in the u.s and the u.s has won it since 08 and then they
they were losing the entire time and they won by one gold medal great britain yeah was the person
who won it aware that it was the determining one it was a team is the volleyball team the women's
volleyball and they were aware on the yeah for sure on the final day three women's teams won
a gold and they clutched so anyway round of applause for women who sometimes we ostracize
with our conversations.
Shout outs to the women's soccer team.
Canada women's soccer team.
You're going to say,
no, we don't ostracize women.
We don't need, nobody cares.
Shout out to Juventus women's soccer.
Hey, shout out for Manchester.
All right.
You guys see that Twitter post? Oh, yeah. Wait, what? for King Manchester. All right. Do you guys see that Twitter post?
Oh, yeah.
Wait, what?
That's bad.
So the Juventus women's team made a tweet of,
I'm not even going to do it because I'll be screenshot,
but pulling their eyes out and wearing a cone on their head
and making like a, what was the remark they made?
What?
It was about, I can't remember.
It was about another team, right? Yeah. I don't know know the context either i just saw the picture and i was like that they
shouldn't do that sounds like a david brent joke this is like michael scott what yeah it's very
michael scott it was like that it was yeah this sounds worse than the burger king which said
women belong in the kitchen this is michael sc season one. This is... Yeah. Where they didn't really know
how to deal with stuff yet
and it was really...
There it is.
Okay, there it is.
What is that?
Yeah.
Oh, and it's a cone
that's claiming...
It's like a rice farmer hat.
And it's funny...
Dude, look at the emojis.
What the...
That's what they tweeted it with?
The only funny part
is the emojis they did to match
are the DaBaby emojis too.
That is cosmic.
So not only is it racist...
And then he went down the same week. It's racist and homophobic. cosmic. So not only is it racist.
And then he went down the same week.
It's racist and homophobic.
Yeah.
They really hit everything this time.
That's pretty sick.
That's like an all-rounder.
It's like a miracle supplement for being.
Ben Shapiro as he loads up his racism Exodia card
to get all five racism, homophobia, transphobia.
Every time you see a tweet like that on that kind of account,
you kind of think like, oh, someone okayed that.
Yeah.
You know?
No.
But then you find out.
Someone just said it.
No one okayed it.
And then you find out that most social media profiles are not handled that way.
It's not like a boardroom.
What changed me was Golden Guardians.
Yeah.
Because you remember how Zayn got banned?
Yeah.
Because I got him banned.
Because you got him banned.
You got him banned.
Admittedly, there was a twitter poll
and it said whoever gets the most likes changes his name and i made him change it to meet spin.com
yeah don't go there if you're under the age of 18 and uh and i asked zeke who's the social media
manager golden guardians i was like like did you confirm this with anyone because like obviously
zeke knew that meet spin.com was a porn site and i was making zane change his tag to a porn site and he said oh no just me and i'm like what yeah so that's how it goes like a lot of times it's
just it's just someone right we always think there's these giant processes behind like all
these things happening even giant corporations it's usually just like a person who's like
all right someone at one point said just keep the account active and then walked it's just a really
tired 23 year old yeah all the time to be then walked out of the room. It's just a really tired 23-year-old.
Yeah.
All the time.
To be fair, that changed, by the way.
Because it used to be a slow process and they would review it all.
And then they realized that they would have 2 million botted followers and 13 likes per tweet with big brands.
You can imagine Coca-Cola tweeting back in the day.
And then Wendy came out.
Yeah, I was going to say Wendy's changed the game on that one.
And Denny's.
No, Denny's invented this. Well, whoever did it't denny's invented this well whoever did it denny's invented this popularized
it fuck all these corporations they can suck a fatty the fact is that people try to put my
wedding ring in the pancake puppies at denny's dude i am devoted you're devoted to that brand
you're devoted to denny's denny's has the best water at any restaurant. What? He's talked about this like nine times in his life.
Real ones know.
Real ones know.
It comes in the Coca-Cola glass.
Like the red one?
No, no.
It's like translucent and kind of green.
What?
It's just because he's lived in Southern California.
Real ones know.
I'm not even going to talk to you leaders about it.
Sorry, IHOP is better than Denny's.
You know what's better water?
Colorado tap water.
First of all, I said if any restaurant, you don't listen ever.
Second of all, let me go to Colorado for water.
When Slime Hydrate's enough, his piss is about as good as Denny's water.
That is not true.
Take that shit back.
I think IHOP's better than Denny's.
My piss is disgusting.
As a restaurant?
Yeah.
IHOP's better than Denny's.
No shot.
Don't relish in that. No shot. Yeah. You think IHOP is better than Denny's. IHOP is better than Denny's. No shot. Don't relish in that.
No shot.
Yeah.
You think IHOP is better than Denny's?
IHOP is better than Denny's.
You're smoking real shit.
You're smoking on penis, brother!
They're both trash. Is everyone against me?
Yeah.
I think they're both interchangeable.
I like what Denny's does to the idea of Americana.
I go there for the vibe.
Because I want to pretend I'm living in
Fallout New Vegas.
Nothing's more sad
than American culture
just being big brands.
That's exactly it.
Do you guys like Waffle House?
Where do you guys sit
on Waffle House?
I've never been.
I've never been there either.
Let's waffle up after this, huh?
I'm not a waffle.
Not after this.
I'm going to waffle house.
Our southern fans will know.
Waffle House is pretty good.
You are the most well-traveled
me and amy talked about this you guys want to do a little thought process a little thinker
what we talked about um countries we'd live in that are not the u.s uh because i said i would
never live no offense to anyone who lives there in the shithole that is known as sweden that's
true you said all that wait why do you hate sweden oh you've been there i've been to sweden
several times.
You're also Swedish.
I am half Swedish.
Yeah.
And I could get Sweden.
Your last name is Agren.
I could get Sweden citizenship easily.
Yeah.
But I am so against living there.
Because you hate them.
This is my game.
The weather sucks.
Get hired.
Have him start the company in Sweden.
I move.
Yeah.
And then we lose 90% of our income in taxes.
It's true.
All right.
Is that what you want
I'm not saying I'm fiscally conservative
But Sweden pushes me there
What's funny is
It's doing nothing
Sweden is so
They have such good social programs
That my uncle came over one time
And this is peak 2020
Democratic preliminaries
Nominations
Is this one of your weird French-speaking uncles?
It's my Swedish uncle.
Okay, so no.
No.
The blue, red, white hat.
He has a mustache.
Twirled.
That's him, right?
Yep, that's the guy.
A big baguette in his hand.
He's the guy from the end of the Z-World video.
He's not French, to be clear.
The big herring in his hand.
He kept asking us to watch
this is peak bernie this is peak bernald sander and ned flander he had heard about bernie right
yeah uh and he was like oh bernie's a socialist because he's like a conservative swede and i went
through all of bernie's policies and it was like the most conservative far-right Swede was like half that.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, because it's such like basic shit.
And he's like, oh.
Oh, I thought he was.
And it's like, oh, yeah.
So we clutch automatic rifles, and that's our far right.
And we're like, we need these really bad.
And he's just like, oh, that's disgusting.
To some Americans, Bernie's like Che Guevara.
He's bringing communism.
He's taking away our guns.
Whenever we go here, when Slime told the Republican story,
there was a guy in the comments.
He's like, well, actually, that girl had a ton of really decent points,
and you guys are blah, blah, blah.
I was sitting there just laughing.
You're commenting.
Look at you.
Shut up man
So I'd never live in Sweden
I would be in Japan
Japan
When you guys say that
Do you guys take it seriously
I would move there
I would learn the language
Ludwig by the way has never been there
I don't think I would move anywhere without learning the language
I've never been to Japan in my life.
I would still go there. But Ludwig also gambles. I think that's good.
Yeah. I mean, it would just
be annoying. Like, if I travel anywhere that's
more traditional, or like further away,
for Japan, for instance, if I went further away from Tokyo,
it's gonna be hard to fucking get around. Admittedly, one of the good things about
Sweden, everyone speaks English. There's no point
learning Swedish. I mean, people speak English everywhere. Do you think you would be
cool with it, not knowing a bunch of people
who live there already? No, that would suck you think you would be cool with it not knowing a bunch of people who live there already no that would suck but you would do it no
this is a question if you had to move somewhere oh you had to i would go to macau and be a casino
rat if cutie and slime that's actually lit that's my idea you're just like you're just
a doper version of your dad yeah dude i am my parents kid that is
but you hate you don't hate your dad but you hate those parts of him parts of my dad i hate but i i
have smoothed over those parts because i treat people with respect most of the time one time
me and anthony were walking uh in where were we we were in oakland we were walking on the street
and we passed by a homeless person and anthony looks at me and he goes, I want that.
Yeah.
And I was like, I was like, no, no, no.
It wasn't just a homeless person.
It was a guy sleeping on the concrete comfortably.
Yeah.
So he looked like he was a fucking baby in a toilet paper commercial.
Like, do you know what you need to be?
You're saying comfortable?
Yeah.
Instead of becoming a gambling degenerate who loses your money and lives on the streets you need to be just like a monk and just leave your worldly possessions
and then and do it in a spiritual manner you're halfway there so you can get some enlightenment
oh but how is that like hair joke at all it's not but it's the fact that you can live without
any worldly possessions and you're already bald! Bald, bald, bald, bald, bald of the morning!
Holy shit!
You have no fucking hair, man.
It's bald in the morning.
What time is it?
What time is it, Nick?
Please, what time is it?
10-A, bald-M.
You're listening to Baldi in the News.
You would like that better than Macau, I think.
I can't let you set
that up macau is just bigger just bigger vegas and except every every room is a cloud of cigarettes
yeah macau is a fucked up weird place where people get like killed sometimes and i think that's kind
of exciting i think he wants to go to macau or vegas because his dad did vegas so he might as
well do but no i just know what vegas is like macau is just vegas times 10 yeah like that's what i mean by your dad did it like you i feel like you've done it
in through him and also like because you live yeah i guess but even even knowing that like
someone who has not like understood vegas they would figure out about macau and it's like oh
i just want the crack i don't want to i'm not very internationally traveled i've only been to london
and japan so i have like no stake in answering this question.
However, I do really want to go to Norway.
Why?
It's so random.
Because you know why?
It's a stupid reason.
Is it because they pronounce it Norgay?
I want to go there.
I want to hear someone say it and clap
and be like, where I'm from, that's crazy.
You should know what you just said. No no the reason why it's so dumb i was playing geoguessr and i got dropped in the most beautiful place i've ever seen
in my whole life i've never seen anything like it someone's like why are you here in no like like
stock photo or desktop background or painting have i seen a place as beautiful and i wrote down the
coordinates and i was like one day i will go there you should tweet out the screenshot of the coordinates okay yeah i'll find it i'll go
find it it'll be like a mecca for the yard viewers a second mecca yeah after the poop house the
craziest yard meetup smash tournament i've ever been to is uh i went to a cabin in northern norway
in the arctic circle and there was a tournament there. I went to it. I was invited to that a couple years ago. I'm pretty sure this is the plot to Midsommar.
Yeah, it was kind of like that.
I was invited to that, and I bailed because I was like,
I don't want to go to that place.
You would have loved it.
I think I would have.
And then COVID happened.
I was supposed to travel to like seven countries the year that COVID hit.
I was so excited.
Then just fuck.
Dude, I tell people that but
i hate telling people it because i would i would tell um like joey the anime guy and c.conner these
are people like youtubers who live in um japan and i'd be like on desk and i talked to them and i'm
like i was gonna go to nippon desu and then they go what you say they he said and i quote yeah you
and everyone and i never felt worse about myself so i never said it again i love i
love shaming people for i love gatekeeping yeah i think gatekeeping is fun and cool yeah okay uh
you do think that it is because everybody everybody wants to go i'm more diehard though i don't know i
don't know if you guys know this i applied for the jet program out of college well you've never been
there right never been there a lot of people talked about about Japan more than anyone I know and has never been there
but it makes sense right a jet program is a
Program where you go to Japan for one or two years to be a English teacher and you're paid like thirty thousand dollars a year
If you live there and and it's a program you have to apply for it's somewhat difficult to get into it's like
40-50 percent get in I did not get it and so but if I had gotten it I would have gone
Lovely wore up
and was like uh hey i want to go to napone dance who i who i gotta talk to in english to go there
wearing fucking jorts and fanny pack crocs you got your got your promised neverland manga
fanny pack sir there's a global pandemic uh can you say ludwig wants to fly
this is before i watch anime no yeah no me and ludwig have been talking about going there for
i mean it's dude i'm dying it's been like almost three years except you went i did go i i would
love to bro please inject it in my veins what was that are we gonna that was what was that what
was you just doing audio listeners i'm trying to help them out i'm trying to get them more
yeah it gave him more like...
You look like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker.
What point were you trying to make by doing that?
No, guys, listen.
As his guy...
Back me up here.
I got nothing.
It was a tactile thing.
It was a tactile thing.
You're supposed to...
Tactile or tactical?
Like I mentioned with Coinbase,
you're supposed to bring the phone to your lips
and do that.
And kiss it.
And then Ludwig will also do that
and it's like
an experience uh if anyone has a kid by the way you should always introduce them to as much music
as possible because that's how they get perfect pitch why would you go from kids to licking the
screen with your face on it what are you bouncing around between right now here how cock in a hard
place the transit i'm gonna make the transition very clear my brain because it's a weird transition if I don't.
I was thinking about when I was a kid.
Do you guys remember the first time you saw porn online?
Do you remember what it was and what age you were?
Yeah.
I can...
So we're doing boys talk.
We're doing some guy talk, huh?
You guys never...
You guys never hold in your penis and thinking about girls?
I will listen to me.
I will tell you guys something.
Real quick.
Cutie told me she listened to the pod, and she's like,
I rolled my eyes when you guys started talking about your count,
your body count.
I rolled my eyes on my head, too.
This is that, but I'm down.
Slime, go on.
No, because this is embarrassing.
Sure.
And this, I think this is embarrassing sure and
this i think is pretty funny talk about the embarrassing porn you watched one time i it was
the days of lime wire guys if you're ancient heads in the chat will understand what that means
but basically i just wanted to listen to crank that dot soldier boy dot exe you had i i had a
dial-up connection when i was 14 years old, and I had to download porn videos on LimeWire at 5 kilobytes per second.
You had to crank a big machine to get them to run?
I'm not kidding.
It would take—
That's real shit.
If I wanted to watch a minute of porn video,
I would have to sit there for an hour and do other shit while it loaded.
And that's for video, right?
You had to watch an infomercial first.
So one time I—
Man, this is so— Dude, this would have changed the course of my life.
I want you to know that.
Basically, there was this girl that lived across the street.
She was visiting – sorry.
She was visiting my neighbor who lived across the street.
She was like his older cousin from the big city.
And she was like a problem kid, and she was like sanctioned to our shitty little
town as like a punishment for the summer so she'd stay out of trouble what she ended up doing was
like making friends with everyone on the block and like trying to get cigarettes and shit you know
basically just back up the old tricks right uh she's like uh she's like 14 i was 14 anyway she
fucking i i watch porn okay this is the first time no okay? This is the first time.
No, okay, sorry.
This is the first time anything ever happened afterwards. Okay, got it.
If that makes sense, right?
Yeah.
So there's some, shit comes out of my dick, right?
Oh, that's crazy.
And I'm like, oh, that's weird.
And I'm like, well, whatever.
And as soon as this happens, by the way,
I'm alone for like a week at my house.
That's how summers went.
I sometimes just get left alone.
And fucking, and then all of a sudden sudden there's a knock on the door.
Who the fuck could that be? I go, I go answer the door. It's her. Her name was Amber. She's standing like this, like I'm wasting her time. And it's this other kid who lived on the street,
who was like a little troublemaker too. basically he said and i shit you not said right here she said she wouldn't suck your dick for ten dollars and i and and i bet her she
wouldn't and she wants to i'm not kidding you this is actually how old are you i'm 14 she's 14 as
well that's right and and she's again standing there like fucking sonic the hedgehog just tapping her foot that's funny and faker dude
and i'm like oh and and mind you i had literally just fucking ejaculated for the first time in my
life oh you have post-naught clarity and i thought no it wasn't just that i didn't get to clean up
i thought post-naught anxiety Wait are you saying You come to yourself
And then answer the door
It was literally like
I thought like
Someone
Like my
Like my mom was coming home
Or something like that
Like I was in trouble
Like I'm watching
Porn of the Teenagers
I'm in trouble
And so I'm just like
Going over there
With the fucking
Like I'm Ludwig
Right
Yeah
Just a whole pants full of mess
Well
Wouldn't say like Ludwig
But
And then I get
Propositioned like this And I have't say like Ludwig, but I guess I'm better. And then I get propositioned like this.
And I have to say, I'm like, no, that's okay.
And I close the door.
Oh, my God.
You were such a pussy.
I know.
And so this happened.
I've told this on your stream before.
I think I told it during the subathon.
But basically, I could have been one of the elite few middle schoolers.
You could have been a hood legend.
I could have been a hood legend.
And it would have changed my life.
I would have had this insane confidence.
Because you get a blowjob at that age, and you're just like, yeah, bro.
I would have been different.
What am I good?
And so dream about that.
Right?
Yeah.
And so that happened.
And I think about that sometimes.
You shouldn't even tell the story, because people think it's going to happen to them now.
That's how insane that story it's like a fucking penthouse forum like fantasy or something or whatever but yeah uh it was it was and that was the first time
that's crazy i know i know i pulled up the first porn video i've ever watched on my phone right now
really yeah i'm not gonna talk about it on this podcast but i'll talk about it on the bonus episode
i pulled it up i pulled because i remember the exact video so guys just to remind you the bonus
episode begins uh like really soon and ludwig actually did the perfect clickbait so if you're
in the if you're on the patreon you get to listen to the extended version of this but if you're on the Patreon, you get to listen to the extended version of this. But if you're not, hey, thanks for watching The Yard.
We appreciate you.
And Slime does too, even though he gets mad all the time.
So we just close it out and then like half close it out?
Plug the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash The Yard.
Thanks to Coinbase again.
For bonus content.
Thank you to Coinbase.
And thanks for watching, guys.
Thanks for watching The Y Thanks for watching the yard.
Appreciate you guys always watching the yard.
We have so many listeners,
so many people come to my chat now and they're like,
I came from the yard.
Yeah.
I got,
I got stopped at Starbucks the other day from the barista.
It's like,
you're from the yard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let me tell you not what I thought you'd look like.
Okay.
Okay.
To the girl who commented that she watched us on Spotify and then she saw us in real life and said, I'm going to stay on Spotify.
You need to clarify.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You need to clarify what you meant.
Because what me and Aiden read was, oh, we're fucking ugly, disgusting shingle boys.
But what she read or what she maybe meant, what all the women in our lives are telling us is, oh, no, this is her saying that you're hot, blah, blah, blah.
And she's overwhelmed.
No.
All the guys agreed.
All the guys got around the huddle and went, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Don't let them take you down.
You got a great face for radio.
Shake his hand now.
No.
Shake his hand.
He's your boss.
Give him the backwards shake.
Backwards.
It's so gross.
Did you just tell me I'm not ugly?
It's so wrong.
You're not ugly.
You're not ugly.
All right, guys.
We'll see you in the bonus episode.
If not, we'll see you next week. If you're watching, well, you're not watching. You don't ugly. Alright, guys. We'll see you in the bonus episode. If not, we'll see you next week.
If you're watching...
Well, you're not watching.
You don't see what I'm doing.
You're on Spotify.
He's flipping you off.
No, come on.
He's slime now.
It's the heel turn.
To that girl only.
And this is a reverse heel turn.
I'm nice now.
Okay, see you later.