This Is Important - Best Of Eps 41-45

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

The best of This Is Important from episodes 41 through 45.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Angie Martinez and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from Hall of Fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of real life. I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez, IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sonoro, the I Heart's My Cultura podcast that will present, Nace una Leyenda. Chespirito.

How did a Mexican writer become a symbol of global television? Listen to Nace una Leyenda. Chespirito. In the application I Heart Radio, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you stream podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you. podcast. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Here we go. start your engines.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring. All right. And we're back. We're back guys. How are you guys? Friendship. Boom.

Hit us with it Blake. Friendship, friendship. Yeah. I'm, Blake. Friendship. Friendship. Yeah. I'm your friend! Yeah! So much love. Hell yeah. On your soundboard.

So much love. I love the love, Blake. Real trap shit. That one's cool. You ever hit that shit when you're not on the pod? When you're just like late night drunk thinking about us? Oh yeah. Out of all of the possible buttons to hit

when you're alone in your room late at night thinking about us, what is the button that you hit the most often, Blake? Hit us with it. Oh, wah, ah, ah, ah! That would be good. Yes. Yeah, that checks out.

Our friendship is so hardcore. I'm constantly just sitting in my room just playing the soundboard thinking about you guys. Right, you're like, playing the soundboard thinking about you guys right you're like playing Kyle can we get your joke one more time? Oh the soundboard? That's what Blake calls his dick Okay, hey, yeah, yes points Why'd you bail on the joke, and then you doubled back for for it what happened there you got nervous? I like it No

I think there's a lag going on and it came out and then Ders caught it and then we came back and now I Hit it and now here we are Okay You can also do it Don't they call it the the fruit basket where you like to pull your nuts through the back of your legs and then just kind Of have like them sitting at the bottom of your butt crack little fruit basket. Yes, that's a thing.

Yes, Blake. That's a thing. You want to see it? You want to see it? I can demonstrate. Go for it. We would love to see it. This is important.

Yeah, because I don't get it. This shit's important. You're saying you can demonstrate, but I don't think that you are actually going to do it. So yeah, I'd love to see it. I don't know if legally I can. Yeah, you can. I don't understand the mechanics of it, so if you could show it to me, that'd be great. Sheriff Devine says you're good. Anna, can you get in the chat and let me know please? Legally

you can. Yeah, for sure. For. Yeah, she says sure. We got a sure. We got a sure on the chat. Producer Anna says sure. We can see it. Anna, you pervert. All right, hold on one second. If you could just show us the mechanics of this That'd be great. I just don't understand it. Let's see it. All right, let me see we gonna get some some kiwis We're gonna bite these kiwis whole or what? I eat the skin My book actually, you know my I feel like I just took a shower and it was cold So like my balls are kind of really close like hugging my body. Okay. So what you can't scratch them back I'm trying a lot of people when they take showers their balls like sort of hang low really close, like hugging my body. Okay, so what, you can't scratch him back? Or what's up?

I'm trying. A lot of people, when they take showers, their balls sort of hang low. Elongate, yes. Right. This was a cold shower, I took a cold shower. Why would you do such a thing? Because you just worked out?

Yeah. Okay, here he goes, he's showing us the butt. I got the best butt. Well, we just see your ass. Oh, there it is. There it is. There it is. No, we just see your ass. Oh, there it is. There it is. No, it was a side. It was a side. Well, okay. Well, it was good.

It was a side. So that's how you... They look like two... And those looked really soft and shaved. Do you shave your nuts? Well, you guys know I'm not a very hairy guy. Right. Other than my head. Except for the head. Yeah, you got a lot of hair up top. Sure. You shave your nuts? Well you guys know I'm not a very hairy guy Right Other than my head

Except for the head Yeah, you got a lot of hair up top Sure Yo, your nuts looked like they were holding their breath They were hella pink Yeah They were like I ain't scared of you motherfuckers

Going past a graveyard in the car Going under a tunnel trying to make a wish Yeah man, I wasn't prepared, alright? Sorry Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo balls but you promised balls and balls were delivered. I was looking for a hello! If you do the just the balls out the back that's the fruit basket what if you take the the dick and the balls and pull them through? Well that's a banana I thought all of it. Yeah I thought it was all because it's a banana and then a few plums. Yeah now it makes sense to me. Adam I love when we hit the same wave. We're always hitting the same wave. And it's the banana, and then the orange and the apple. Correct.

This is important. Hell yeah it is. You know this. Yeah, baby. I'm hella amped. Blake, did you masturbate on a flight when you were a kid watching some movie? What's up?

Come again? Where is this coming from? What's up? Come again? Where is this coming from? What is this gotcha journalism right out the gate? Jesus! This is gotcha journalism. Well, no, you said it on another podcast. I'm wondering why you're telling cool stories

about masturbating on planes on other podcasts, and you're not mentioning it on our podcast, when that's obviously a cool story to tell. Well, first off, I will shout out, Y But Still, a very friend of the pod, at least from this square of the circle. Uh, yeah, I told that story on their podcast because we didn't have a podcast. Well, what is their podcast? You got to call them out.

Yeah, But Still is the podcast. Oh, yeah, but still. Oh, I thought you were just saying a phrase. Yeah, Jack Wagner is the podcast. Oh, yeah, but still oh, I thought you were just I thought you were just saying a phrase Yeah, Jack Wagner Brandon Wardell. Yeah. Yeah big shout out to the pod Friendship, okay, so you want to you want to give us that story over here or is it? It's you've already burned it well now I feel like they should go over to that pod and check it out there

But did you just hit the friendship button for them or for us? Yeah, what was that for all of us? The fuck is happening. No, no, no, no. No. Thank you. There's this a friendship family Oh, I'm feeling very interrogated right now. Well, yeah, he jumped out the gate. He interrogated you. I didn't mean to I just I literally You're pissed Came out hot and I support you. But you came out hot. I wasn't trying to get at my guy. I was just wondering. I just heard it.

It was like five minutes ago, I heard this little clip of Blake telling this funny story. And I'm like, why? He never told this story. I feel like we've been telling jerk-off stories, J-O stories all the time on this podcast. Yeah, that's true. We're always telling some epic tales.

And Blake had just left this one in the cut when I feel like this one's prime for Blake at the button. You lose! Oh buddy! Sorry. Whoa! No!

No! The double dis! You know, it came very organically in that podcast. It wasn't like I was just like chomping at the bit to tell about the time that I j-o'd on an airplane in my youth. This is pre, this is pre come. How old were you? Let's dive in. This is pre pre?

Yes. This is pre pre. What's pre pre? Just the air, the air shots? This was when you were, it was just dusted. Yeah, when you used to just kind of, and that was it. It's coughing the shot. Oh, by the way, I feel like a lot of women a lot of females don't know that that was a thing like I told Chloe

I was telling some story a few weeks ago and I tell Chloe this she's like, what do you mean? Nothing came out and I'm like, yeah before you hit puberty. It doesn't come out and I was a little late hitting puberty I was like kind of a smaller kid and so no mess So there was I was like bummed when it started to happen. I'm like kind of a smaller kid and so no mess so there was I was like bummed when it started to happen I'm like I gotta clean this up every time right yeah there used to be no evidence now all of a sudden there's evidence everywhere there's so much evidence yeah there's so much well remember when it first starts it's just like one clear teardrop oh really that's

how you saw it well for me me, yeah, it was like, oh, it was like my dick cried one tear of joy. Okay, so you felt good. Yeah. You are bringing back specific memories, this is so weird. Ders, you didn't do one single tear drop or you just started one day, the faucet turned on and you were just like.

No, I just said you brought back like a very specific memory from me of that exact thing oh you had so you you do remember when you just had I didn't remember until just now and I'm like oh yeah it was like yeah I think it was only pre right I think that was just what it was it wasn't like a it It wasn't a load. This is important. Hey, speaking of come, I have some... Not again. I have something. I did it. What'd you do?

I did it. What'd you do? I did it. Did you snip? I made the appointment. I made the appointment. You snipped. I made the appointment. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To snip. Yeah. That doesn't stop you from Ejacking, does it? No, no. The load still come from what I've told, but yeah. So you still have all the fun of the toy, but none of the dangers. Well put.

Yes. So no more live ammunition. It's all blanks. Well, when I do it, I haven't done it yet. I made the appointment and I walked in. That's cool. Yeah. Can we walk through the science of it?

Like, um, what, what is the technical term for it's called a vasectomy. Vasectomy. Because that is definitely a German scientist who discovered that. Right. Totally. Vasectomy. Vas, cause they cut the vas deferens.

Oh. Someone did it. They're like cut the Vass deference. Oh. Someone did it, they're like, that's sick to me. Wow. And they're like, well, we gotta do it. Yeah, Vass cool. So they cut it off and then they tie it? Or what's the deal? Well, there's two of them in the sack

and they cut both of them. And then I guess they cauterize it or something? I gotta look into that, I don't know. Yeah, I think that's a get a blowtorch in there and just fucking torch ya. I might be confusing like girls get their tubes tied and boys get their their dick snipped? Yes. Yeah I don't know if there's any literal tying happening I think that's kind of like a cute fun thing to say right? It's like a crimp. Why can't we say I don't want to get snipped yeah let's I would rather get crimped. Maybe we can start that crimping

I'm getting I'm getting my Nuts at crimp. They just make the tube zigzaggy I had to get my nuts crimped Cramped kind of like it's 80s day in high school. We're just crimping our nuts We should crimp our pubes and just like change the world. Oh my god. Oh yeah. Let's for sure start crimping a lot of our hair on our body. And like finger wave your pubes? Yes sir. I feel like people were like we shaved to like show that we've got we're cleanly we're we're all cleaned up we take care of our bodies but if you style that shit? Yeah that's hot.

Right. Right. It was an atom bomb of energy. That's right. Is that what you call yourself? And the chewing the ice on the microphone? I love it. And I want to thank you for doing that. Yeah. You gotta don't true ice. Go ASMR. You're not supposed to. Why? Yeah. Go eat tin foil. Why don't you? Get the sparks sparks going well tin foil if you got fillings But what's the what's the matter with ice? I think they said if you chew ice you're sexually frustrated Always heard hey that makes sense. Yeah, so I'm gonna be What cool doctor is this like the Ozarks doctor did you go see him?

You remember when they'd say like it'd be wear green your horny go see him? You remember when they say like if you wear green you're horny? No that was green M&Ms. What? What? I thought it was just green. If you if you ate green M&Ms they made you horny. It's science. What it was like the green dye in it like. Why why does green make you horny? Green the color makes you horny? The green the M&Ms are actually filled with testosterone. hello. Aphrodisiacs. I just remember that back in the day. If you wore green the color, like you were like code that you were horny.

You were a horny dog? Yeah, yeah. Know what I mean? Oh, well I got green eyes, so watch out now. Ooh, ah, ah, ah. Oh, ah, ah, ah. There is like things to colors, like green makes you horny. If you you see orange supposedly that color makes you hungry

Is it always heard was the sign is that why McDonald's is yellow yellow yellow because McDonald's yeah Yeah, it's science. Yeah that cuz subliminally it makes you you very very hungry So if you wear green it doesn't mean that you're necessarily horny because they're not looking at yourself all day. You're trying to get everyone around you horny. So what's up with that shirt Blake? Yeah what are you trying to do to me? Yeah. That green shirt you come on the podcast trying to get us all horndogged up. Oh well you didn't know? Come on man. Hello. Hulu has live sports. Okay. Hulu has live sports everybody. This is in my contract. That's cool and you you're getting paid for that? Yes since I'm on set for Woke on Hulu has live sports everybody. This is in my contract. That's cool and you're getting paid for that?

Yes, since I'm on set for Woke on Hulu, I'm being paid to wear the Hulu has live sports jersey everywhere I go in Atlanta. Are you in Atlanta? Are you on set right now? I'm not, I have to wear it offset. That's the contract. Oh wow, this is a really intense contract

that Isaac made you sign. Oh, whoopsie. Are you there in the AT to the L? Oh I am. I'm in the... Peace up! A town down! I'm all the way in it baby. I'm all the way in it. I'm just looking for Usher everywhere I go. I would say I would like to do a tour and win. And if we do a tour for the podcast, we gotta do a lot of musical numbers, a lot of like planned musical numbers where like 20 minutes in we're like,

what'd you say? What'd you say bro? And then we get in a fight. Right, and just goes into it. And then, yeah. And then all of a sudden, and then we- That was kind of our thing, wasn't it? Yeah.

Our sketches would, we pretend our sketch stopped cause somebody got hit and then we were just going to the song Yeah, there has to be a lot of now you're talking about acapella, right? I do most of my shits acapella But yeah, I mean yeah. Hello. You're talking to What was the name of your team? Oh the treble makers? Yeah, Blake don't act like you don't know. Thank you Like you don't know Son, where'd you get those? Somebody just sent me that clip

again, some Internet person of it was Dwight Howard talking about one of his favorite moments with Kobe when Kobe turned him on to Pitch Perfect and they would watch Pitch Perfect together. That's tight. What?

Yeah, I guess Kobe Bryant's favorite movie was Pitch Perfect, which I find absolutely hilarious and awesome. I would, you know, damn. Wow, man. I'm trying to kick with Cobes. RIP. Yeah.

RIP Mamba. You're trying to kick it with Cobes. RIP. Does that mean you want to die? Speaking of, I'm going to do another season of Bad Ideas, I think. So if I do another season of Bad Ideas, you know, who knows? That's tight. I ideas you know who knows that's the side oh that was like a publicity that was like a pre publicity thing like I want to not a cry for help I love the way your mind works man so Kobe used to love pitch perfect I can't wait to kick it with

that dude because I might be going to heaven because Bad Ideas is coming back on a new platform. Comes full circle, man. This season, Adam dies. And I'm thinking of going to a Wuhan wet market and eating bats. Okay. The cause of diarrhea.

I think we all know you need to go to a lab if it's going to be real risky. Hello! I'd do that. Sure. That said, rest in peace. Let's give him his flowers. Hey, flowers to Rodney. Speaking of giving flowers, Conan O'Brien's last night on television is tonight. Yeah, right.

A few episodes back, we gave him flowers I feel maybe we give him some more flowers yeah we don't have to talk about them because we did but flowers Jackie B's the last guest right coming to yay ha Jackie joiner curtsy Jackie black Jackie black Jackie black yeah okay okay I thought we were still talking about Jack K and I was like that would be a weird last guess hey Conan um yeah people are starting to say like because like you know we mentioned McAfee, McAfee died, we gave Conan his flowers. Conan, Simone, Conan!

We gave Conan his flowers now he's off air. I'm starting to think like our podcast might be kind of like a Are You Afraid of the Dark episode where it's like whoever we mention goes off the air or dies. Whoa! Okay. Right. That's a lot of power. Yeah I'll be honest I was kind of stoked that like we Dave Conan his dude before it was like announced now everyone's like here's a picture of me with him I was there when I love him it's like well we did that without him announcing anything so we're better. So we won. Yeah, we just love them Thank you. We're better. So it is about better humans. We rock. We are actually one

As far as like the contest of giving flowers, we gave the best flowers They were the freshest flowers and the people that are like sort of posting photos with Conan now those are like old wilted flowers that are gross and Stinky right those are like funeral flowers ours were like surprise. Here's some flowers Yeah, ours are birthday flowers right just because oh even better than birthday. You're right. They are just because they're just because because we love you And you know I'd like to give us flowers for giving those flowers Unsolicited so if you are a comic or an actor that posted with Conan on bought his last day Fuck you. Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you. Well, you're going to hell you you're rotting in hell

You piece of shit you made his last day about you. It's about Conan and we did that weeks and weeks ago Fuck you that being said I might post That being said, I might post something. I might post something. Then we brought it back around and made it about us. So like then we did it. Yeah. I kind of helped and made sure we didn't do that a little bit. Thank you, Ders.

Just a little bit, cause it is about us now. Now it is. Now it is. Here's, I want to rewind a second to when Blake was jerking off on this airplane. Okay. Who are you with by the way? Yeah, how old were you? Let's I want it I want some details here. Maybe you don't tell the whole story Maybe we're only gonna get part of this story, but I think it's important. Well, and what's wild

I just got done texting my dad about how he listens to the the podcast while he does his his biking and I'm like Okay. Well the way this cycling he's a cyclist as well fitness what's up dad the way this came about is I used to because I came from a divorce home but I still would go in between why don't you cry about it my mother and father's house but I would take a plane to see my dad cuz he lived in Southern California, so I was an unintended minor on planes quite a bit. So how old were you when you started jerking off on planes regularly?

So this is what I was talking about on Yeah But Still is we were talking about how like Game Pro magazines, there was a time when like Tomb Raider was the hot shit and like virtual titties were like- Lara Croft. Yeah, they were all up in the building. So I'd be flipping through the GamePro and I'd see like Dead or Alive Volleyball, which was like this-

DOA. I remember that. Yeah, where it was just like fake video game titties, but it got my young dick on. Boy. but it got my young dick on Boy and so once again How old though was last year? We're just like why are we circling the bowl here? I know I'm trying to get any information. You're telling all the shit that we're not asking about. I'm asking your aid I like it Blake. I like your story Blake. I like it, too

I'm just saying he's being cagey with the details I like it, Blake, I like your story, Blake, I dig it. I like it too, I'm just saying, he's being cagey with the details. I would probably say it was in junior high, right? That's probably when Tomb Raider was firing, and I wasn't, you know, I was still shooting blanks. I wonder if we can find out exactly what flight it was, because there's like records of this, right? You were shooting blanks in junior high, bro?

Oh my God. You know that about me. I was full blown, fucking, I was full blown loading. I was a late bloomer, guys. Sorry. Big time late bloomer. Hey. Fantasy football fans, the NFL season is here and now is the time to get ready to dominate your leagues. The best way to crush your opponents this season

is to listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast. Come hang out with me, Marcus Grant, and my pal Michael F. Florio as we give you all the info you need to absolutely steamroll your fantasy league and bring home a championship. You don't need to spend hours each day breaking down every stat and every stitch of game tape to set a winning lineup. That's our job. We'll provide all the insights you need to set the best lineups each week. All you need to do is listen to the NFL fantasy football podcast when it drops five times a week. If you're looking for a smart, fun, and entertaining path to dominating your fantasy leagues, then look no further than the show straight from the source at NFL media. Do it before it's too late. Subscribe now and listen to the NFL fantasy football podcast on the I heart radio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

I'm Angie Martinez check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes musicians actors in the world We go beyond the headlines and the sound bites that have real conversations about real life death love and everything in between This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed, this is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary, because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone.

You're gonna die being you, so you gotta constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to, you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit.

Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Lauren Lapkus, voice of Teresa and host of Haunting. In this series, we'll be bringing you different totally true ghost stories each week, straight from the person who experienced it firsthand. I'm excited to share that you can now get access to all new episodes of Haunting, 100% ad-free, and one week early with an iHeart True Crime Plus subscription, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts, search for iHeart True Crime Plus, and subscribe today.

Here's the science of the vasectomy if you guys want it like, No sir, I don't like it. A vasectomy works by stopping sperm getting into a man's semen, the fluid that he ejaculates. We all knew that. Thank you. We know what that is. Well, do you just squeeze your dick really hard? No. That is true.

That's one of the techniques. Back it up? Yeah, there's ways. The tubes that carry sperm from a man's testicles to the penis are cut, blocked, or sealed with heat. No! Oh, they are cauterized. Cauteroid, you have to wear cauteroys. Right.

This means that when a man ejaculates, the semen has no sperm in it, and a woman's egg cannot be fertilized. So that's the whole point. That just flooded me with memories. I actually think I did have that knowledge somewhere in my brain for sure. Crazy dude.

So somewhere in there. Wow, you got fucking flooded. Wow, I learned a thing once and. No, I'm actually hella smart. You just have to knock the knowledge loose and then I'm like, yeah, yeah, I knew that. Right, right. I knew that.

Can't explain it exactly, but yeah, I knew that for sure. Yeah, say it to me and I will confirm that it's true. I'll repeat it back to you. Yeah. Okay, so Blake, did you know this? That you can reverse it. And it's like 99% reversible. I did not know that.

Wow. It can still wrangle its way. Like shit still goes on. I had a buddy who I swam with who got it. And then he was like, didn't work. Oh my God. Well, it depends on how quickly you're blasting afterwards. You have to clear the chamber.

You have to shoot like 25 times to clear it. Really? Yeah, yeah, you gotta clear it. God damn it, honey, I mean, you're clearing it. Exactly. Do you want another kid? Then let me watch this. It's been a year.

So are you going to take a big weekend? Are you going to take the Oculus off to your cabin? A romantic weekend. Really treat yourself? Yeah. Really treat yourself and just clear the tubes. Yeah. Unload the banana clip. Oh my god. Feels like something I could throw on the calendar. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like she doesn't want to be around you on a weekend that you're

truly trying to jerk off 20 times. That's a lot. 25. It's a job. 25. Yeah. You're going to work. Right. You're going to work. Honestly. Guys, I hate to say it, but I think we have a job 25. Yeah that you're going to work, right? You're going to work. I'm honestly guys I hate to say it, but I think we have a movie idea. I think we slipped and fell into a movie idea Clear the chambers disgusting. Don't say it like that Okay, you're taking the road back to come town, but come on now I'm saying for four best friends all get snipped Yeah, and they go to a house. Kyle is starring in this movie? Oh, Kyle is the lead.

I'm a part of the ensemble, bro. Yeah, get used to it. Get used to it. Dude, I am used to it. Okay. I was just, I was wondering. Wait, I want to hear this huge comedy. No, I'm already rewriting it.

One friend gets snipped. One friend gets snipped. One friend gets snipped. Kyle, the star of the movie, and his three best friends go with him to a house in the desert to do his last 25 ejaculations. And they want to make each one special. Yeah. Wait, you guys are going to be there for me?

I'm just going to take this and put it. Well, they want to make each ejac a special event for him? Yeah, it's a comp. He's coming to terms with he can never create life again. So we're like, let's treat each ejaculation like a birth of a child. Can I flip this a little bit? Absolutely.

And make it more of a female-driven comedy? OK. OK. I'm pissed out. And that's hot right now. Those cells. Yes. A woman gets pregnant with her husband, and they're so happy.

And he's like, you know what, honey? She's like, I'm just done with kids. We can't do this anymore. It's too much. She hates kids. Maybe she hates kids. Well, she's had it. She's had it.

She's had it up to here with them. She wants to move on from having more kids. And he's like, totally get it. You know what? She hates the two that she has. Let's get snipped right? So he gets snipped and he goes honey I'm gonna go away for this weekend I got 25 shots I gotta bang out. You don't want to be around for that. No. He leaves. She has a miscarriage the next day. Oh my God. Close. And now she's gotta get to this, guys.

How are you getting past that? Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, comedy's dead. Wait, how are you getting past that? This is not funny. Yeah, wait a minute. This isn't funny. This is sad. I don't know how you get past that scene.

Hey, he's setting it up. Let's give him a call. I haven't said the punchline yet. Okay, okay, okay. She's gotta get to the cabin before there's 25 nut bus because once he passes the nut bus, and so like you're intercutting from her, like the car will break down, she'll run into her.

So there's truly a ticking cock. Oh. Yes, punch. A jacking cock. Yeah, okay, I love that. And maybe the place he went is there's no cell phone. So... Exactly. There's just porno tapes.

It's the cabin. It's the cabin. Yeah, you could come up to the cabin. It was his creepy old grandpa who just went there to die. And just has a wall of dusty old porno tapes. And you're intercutting. and just has a wall of dusty old porno tapes. Right, yeah. And you're intercutting. So it's just you're just jerking off to like Christie canyons or whatever.

Whatever old porno, Betty Page or something. That's great. Is grandpa here or is grandpa dying in the movie? Yeah, we could throw that in like the deleted scenes. Yeah, maybe in the coda, the very, very end of the movie after the credits is we like, we walk back and find him still jerking off in the woods like he goes on a walk He thought he was dead the whole time. Yeah, we think he's dead and he's still and and what is the coda? I think that isn't that uh, like after the little scene after um their credits roll

It's not like the secret scene. It's like I think it's the last last boom You know like the last note. Okay's like, I think it's the last, last, boom, you know? Like the last note. Like that's what, is the Led Zeppelin album Coda their last album? So that was a Cum related album. Oh my God. No wait, we're not talking about Cum anymore.

Wait, what? God, dude. Yeah, hold on. I'm so sorry. Blake jerks off on one plane when he was 19 years old. And- It blew my fucking mind! Bro. He jerks off on one plane when he was 19 years old and My bro jerks off on one time on a plane when he was in his late teens and suddenly he just has jizz on the Brain his brain has come. I'm sorry. No it crossed with cuz Kyle's dogs names coda. Yeah comes soda Oh, that's right. I wasn't totally out of the blue. Okay. I was like wait, where are you getting?

Okay, I know I was like wait what the fuck just happened in my brain cuz my dog coda is also known as cum soda but I Feel so bad for everybody listening who's like I I gotta stop I can't follow it anymore. Yeah But it's not that but it's not Mark is a smart guy smart guy Really really smart. I'm like scared to talk cuz I'm pretty sure I'm chunking hard. That's good It's good to be scared to talk on a podcast. Yeah, no, I'm like I feel feel like I'm about like, you know, five seconds behind you guys.

I apologize. Yeah. And what about the actual internet? You always are. Oh, fucking Zang. Wait, he's going to get it in three, two, one. I get you guys at the right time, but I put it out there different. I'm sorry.

Guys, this is fun. Burn notice, Kyle. Got him. Uh oh. Served you a burn notice. I know Adam, you're that guy. I'm not the it's like you don't have to eat it just because you can. I don't understand.

We should establish the animals we eat and then the rest of them, we just leave the fuck alone. Like chickens are cool. Yeah. But in that culture, they do eat bats in that culture. They eat bats. Right. In that culture they are chickens. They're the chickens of the sky. So when you're there I want to experience their culture and part of their culture is eating bats and some places humans in which case which would you guys eat human? Cannibal? Did you say human? I don't think I would unless it was just like a real

Pizzeria pizza Parky butt that you just slice like a square out of Oh! You just pop it? Oh you're talking torture Well no the person's not alive I'm not going to eat a live person But what if I was like hey guys I'll give you a piece of my haunch

And you can cook it up and eat it And it's a surgery and it's a planned surgery And I'm like I want to lose weight So I'm gonna cut some of my meat off of my bones and deliver it to you guys and have a prized chef Come and cook it up. Would you grow up? I would do that to someone I don't know if I would I think you're actually you know what cuz I bet your skin is mad like sour and salty No, okay, I tell you what Like soy sauce yeah, he tastes already. I imagine you are you taste like like you're pickled a little bit

This preseason? I think, yeah, no, I was going to say I wouldn't want to eat. I'd like to eat someone else. But the more I think about it, I think you've got to some tasty sour patch kid haunches. Kyle is the the kimchi of our friends for sure. No, he's the pickled egg. The pickled cabbage, the pickled whatever. I'm just pickled. I think you would want

to eat like a piece of like a fitness inspiration, what are they called? The fin fluentures? You're talking about my other career, yes. Right. You would want to eat a slice of that butt right there. So Adam, so Adam, so would you eat a little bit of Adam? I would eat Adam's butt over your butt for sure. Just because I know that the, it's a leaner would eat Adam's butt over your butt for sure just cuz I know that the It's a leaner meat. It's a leaner meat for sure These are two parallel questions one is would you eat in this I guess okay? You're eating Adam over me whatever That's what we got to that's I don't know because I think I I'm like just a brick a muscle and I think It would be too tough. I think it'd be too tough.

Yeah, that's tough meat. You need that sweet marbling that Kyle has. Thank you. But let me just say this, let me say this. If I'm eating anybody's butt, it'll be the best butt of the group. It'll be Blake's. Oh, that's punch.

That's eating out my butt. You're actually eating their butt. You're eating out mine. I'm eating them from the inside out. No! I feel like first, Adam, I'm giving you my muffin top. That's what's happening. I'm cutting that right off, and that's getting served on a platter.

That's all fat. That's the delicacy. That's good stuff, bro. You don't want that, though. You do. You do want, you don't want to eat a lot of that. But if you are going to eat a human being, you're going to want some fat in there.

You don't want just say I want lean like Buffalo burger style that's what I want so you want the filet mignon okay I'm more of a ribeye guy yeah yeah no I don't like that don't like fatty yeah I'm not into it now I'm trying to figure out what I eat cuz I'm a vegetarian like can I also got that wagyu booty and and by the way I know you said Blake has the nicest ass in the group and yeah, I understand you're getting under my skin yada yada, right? I saw this gif the other day don't say of your own, but of my own ass From it was from the show and I

Forget what it was, but we were in like medical I forget what it was, but we were in like medical We're in the hospital and I'm turning around and you see it just the side of my ass Dude and it was just fucking perfect, man I was like I almost send it to you guys But then I was like I don't want to send photos of my own ass to my friends, right? But I'd rather talk about it later. They're talking about it in detail. I'd rather save it for the pot guys I'll tell you right now. Do you ever want to send me nudes. I'm down I want nudes from my fellas at all times they they make me laugh they make me all time

Hey you guys out there you heard it if you want to send nudes send it to Blake's DM No, I'm not asking. I'm not asking the general public. I want him only from my very close dude for subliminally He meant everyone out there Blake I have hold on one second. Blake, I have wanted to send you some nudes in the past, but I've been afraid that after it goes to your inbox, it might skip and step somewhere else. Can we make a pact that if any of us send each other nudes

for a laugh, that would just stops in the inbox and it doesn't go anywhere else. When have I ever been- Where's it gonna go? No fappening? I don't want- I'm not gonna fappen my homies. When have I ever leaked nudes, dude?

They're safe with me. I'm just establishing a pact. That's it. Okay. Well, see, with Blake, Blake's a collector. Like if you send him, if you send me a nude, it's already gone. Right. It's leaked. It's not for me It's for everyone. I look at it, and I'm a human snapchat when it comes to saving things and

Digital things your mind is a snapchat it always yeah It's just I see it and then it's gone then it's just in the deep recesses of my Computer that I'll never be able to find. With Blake, he's gonna categorize it, he'll have all the, you know, it'll be there forever. He'll tag it, frumpy, zitty, Kyle, but. Fishers, hemmies. That's why I have to make sure to establish this pact, because I do want to send him, yeah,

I do want to send him funny pics, but I'm a little nervous about where they're gonna end up. Don't be nervous. Hey, did you guys know that Jeffrey Dahmer, serial killer. Absolutely. My twin. He drilled in people's heads, and then he'd pour, McBride was telling me this, he poured fucking orange juice in people's heads. He wanted to turn them into zombies.

It's science. That was like his thing. What? Orange juice? I don't know about the orange juice detail, but he would for sure draw small, like, lobotomize his victims before he would murder them. Is that nice or is that mean? I guess that's nice, right?

Because they don't know, then they don't know what's happening. No. Lobotomizing is nice? Wait, you guys are just so negative. I'm trying to be positive. The nicest thing would be to not murder them. Yeah. Yeah, just go have coffee with them. But then if you are going to murder someone, you shoot them right in the head. You just murder them. But he's not. Right, so he's lobotomizing them so they don't know what's happening at least but they still feel things Oh, no, but they don't know but they don't know this is her no. This is not good I mean I remember when I was I used to like really I don't know I I'm not still obsessed with serial killers

But my aunt used to have this encyclopedia of serial killers at her house and when I was really young I would always go to her. How's she doing these days? She's great. She has, she loves her cats, she loves me, it's all fine. She has a pool. She's an awesome person. But this book was like the encyclopedia of serial killers and those books always have like ten pages of crime scene photos. Pictures in the middle?

Yes! And I was like strangely addicted and it would scare the fuck out of me, but I was like strangely addicted to looking at those photos. What'd you jerk off to? Whoa! Blake, what'd you jerk off to? I love it! Actually, I think like the hentai titties are pretty cool, but why is it that every hentai video, the like super hot chicks with the giant titties also have like a monster hog cock? What is that?

There's not just one straight up sex. I don't know hentai very well. I apologize. I'm also not in that world. It's like the CGI porno where you're like you click on it You go this this could be cool and you're like, whoa, look how good the graphics have come It's pretty hot and then it's just a giant veiny hog on a woman and you're like, it's not really my thing Is there any yeah, well, it's some people's thing. Okay, don't kink shame, okay, but it's all of it I'm saying is there a little something for the freaks like me that's still like, it natch. Natural cartoon point. Well have you looked up hentai woman no dick?

Yeah, have you Googled that? Hentai woman no dick? That's too much. I don't wanna start Googling it. Then you're in the weeds. Then you're a hentai guy, okay? You don't wanna be a hentai guy. Right, I don't wanna be a hentai guy.

And no offense to the hentai guy Maybe try googling specifically what you'd like you know, but like then I'm like see he's an accidental. He's like Oh, thank you Adam oops this video. How did this come into the queue? I'm not a familiar Sure, I got the rabbit. What is this? Stumble the ripping and the terror is this a demon fucking a woman here. I'll just click on that right? Yes, there's this is what? Here's what I'll say about any animated pornography it gets weird quick It's like a portal to bizarre stuff. No kink shaming, but it gets it gets weird It has a dark side to it as well. Well we can kink shame

Yeah, we can kink shame some just some stuff is you know fucking bizarre It's bizarre saying it's bizarre doesn't necessarily mean it's shameful. It's just saying it is Dissect the word bizarre with the root word by Pre bizarre a czar was a king or a sultan in Mid-century Russia, right? How old were you when you jerked off on flights, Blake? I was 20! Yummy! I don't have a pinpoint date.

I will try to find the game pro, and that got me going. Will you tell us about the plane? The experience. The equipment tell us about the plane? The experience. The equipment, as they call it? What the experience, did you wait, was it a nighttime flight, was this midday, were you going there in the middle of the morning? Tell me about the seat situation.

Who were you sitting next to? Is this one seat on the other side and two on the other? Because you're just flying from LA, from what airport to what? It's a 45 minute flight. And what kind of pants are you, the Brockin sweatpants? Are these sweatpants? This is middle school.

You're unaccompanied. Who were you sitting next to? There's details that are foggy, but it was not a night flight. It was like an afternoon flight. You're wild, man. Afternoon flight. An afternoon flight.

And there was a gentleman sitting next to me, but he was sleeping. He was sleeping. He was sleeping. Wait, oh, wow. Did you sleep attack? A gentleman sleeping. There was a gentleman sleeping next to you.

I know for damn certain you guys must have had an instant in your teenage horniest years that you J-O'd a time or place that was inappropriate or you just should have kept it on. Yeah, sure. Blake, we're not talking about us. It's in the hundreds, if not thousands, but we're talking about you right now.

We didn't go on another podcast to talk about it, okay? Hey, yeah. See, we bring our dirty stories to this podcast. It was pre pre this is important So what does that mean before? Yes, it was before we had oh cool. Thank you. Thank you. So you were prematurely Prematurely spilling my J.o. Beans on another podcast wait, so this is so this is but this is pre Pre come or this is pre okay so you just did an air pop on an airplane I did an air pop on an airplane pre air pods so yeah

we know that's the time frame well that's the best time to do something like that when you're dry popping yeah yeah that's when you can get away with it tell your kids cuz you don't have to clean up anything well let's not let's not phrase it like that's what you can get away with it no this is what I'm gonna tell my kids it is though Yeah And that's why we are living in a worse time we're now children when they're alone and they're just in their horny estate and they're just that they're jiggling on the flight a little bit and

Just the bounce is making their balls just kind of her be with just kind of just right just The the seat and the air pressures kind of fucking them up and you know there's a stewardess there and she's a living woman so that's crazy she's a walking talking woman and then there's a guy who's asleep next to you is that a weird thing that turns you on for no reason that forearm hair he's got maybe you you're watching Space Jam, Lola Bunny. But nowadays, everyone has a goddamn video camera in their pocket called a cell phone,

and the kids are not safe to jerk off anymore. Right, thank you. You can't get away with nothing. Because what was the worst thing that was gonna happen in the, dare I say, best decade, Blakey, the 90s, the worst thing that was gonna happen is that dare I say best decade Blakey the 90s the worst thing that was gonna happen is that guy's gonna wake up and just see little froey Blake just all froed out just yanking his meat under a game pro I got a big fucking boner right now and that would be a weird encounter you'd land we'd

have a laugh about it you'd have a laugh he'd tell my dad guy next to you the guy next to you definitely just gives you a nod. He's like, been there. This is important. This is also pre-911 so he'd see my father as soon as we got off the flight and be like, dude, your son, I caught him looking at Lara Croft, he's all right, all right. They all chest bump. He's all right. He's all right. All right. All right. Fantasy football fans. The NFL season is here and now is the time to get ready to dominate your leagues. The best way to crush your opponents this season is to listen to the NFL fantasy football podcast. Come hang out with me, Marcus

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We'll provide all the insights you need to set the best lineups each week. All you need to do is listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast when it drops five times a week. the best football podcast on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the sound bites that have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between.

This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary, because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you, so you've got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share

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Back to what, Ders, you just pitched a really good movie because you could have this whole, like this, this lady and her best friend are on a buddy. And the best friend is like super pregnant, ready to pop. She's not supposed to go. And then best friend is like super pregnant, ready to pop. She's not supposed to go. And then you just keep cutting the husband, having just like the weirdest jerk off scenes,

like 25 scenes. Right, and then you're back to the action. And then you're back to the heartfelt story, and then you cut to the dumb dude just like, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It can also like you like your original pitch I want to save some of that because you know there was some some meat on those bones Okay, I'm just to those balls so to speak sure well. Yeah Like some of those scenes should be pretty beautiful yes Well cuz he's dealing like he's really finding himself out there, and he's really enjoying he's underneath a water right outdoor Jack sessions for sure he's jerking off and right as he busts. He catches a salmon

It jumps up for the nut and then he grabs it with his bare hands. And he grabs it, yeah, just with his bare hands. By the lip, it's flipping around and then it cuts to him eating it. Perfect. Yes, exactly. And guess what?

He doesn't have any lourries. What's he gonna use to season it? Ooh, now that's nasty. I don't know, what is he gonna use? Hey, I don't know. He needs something salty. I don't know, I don't know what he he gonna use? Yeah, I don't know. He needs something salty I don't know. I don't know what he's gonna use. Let's let the audience decide Adam What would be salty it to your knowledge? I know

Something that's salty and kind of buttery tasting. I'm not sure I don't know buttery What is that the description a loy is that was called? Yeah, it tastes exactly like from all the loads that I've swallowed, swallowed, not tasted. Oh my God! Salty and buttery, salty and buttery. Right, and is a valid replacement for Lowry's? Oh!

Or like an Old Bay, or like an Old Bay. I don't know what Old Bay is, is that like a seasoning? Yeah, it's another seasoning, yeah. Cool. Tight. Yeah, well, I think we got some. I was picturing like a seasoning? Yeah, it's another seasoning. Yeah. Cool. Tight. Yeah. Well, I think we got some, I was picturing like a wild horse is running by the guy when he's just stroking it. Yes.

Maybe he gets, maybe one stops and sees him doing it and just looks like he's going to charge them and then just bows down. You know, horses get like across the right one. Oh yeah. Does the kneel. Yeah. One up in front of the other and then just bows down like it's some sort of magical moment between the two of them.

And then for the rest of the movie, he just rides that butt naked horseback. Oh, and he does a hands-free E-Jack? Yeah, and he's riding it bareback. That's also kind of a sexual term. There's a lot here, guys. Yeah, there's so much here. It's a great movie. I would love to spend some moments on this, of that and then also roll through like 12 of them

Hella quick like oh, yeah On the way up he bangs one. There's 25 we have to get through 25. There's a lot Yeah, you're gonna want to move it along every single cutaway should be a new genre for sure It's genre bending and guess what? It's it's a ticking cock, right? But that cock has to tick 25 times. That's a lot of tickling. Yeah. Yes, points!

And what's cool is that by the end, when he gets up to like the 15s, the late teens, like. When the movie's, when the audience is glued to their seats in the screen. Right, it's tough. He can't just go back to back pops. What about the dark nut of the soul? Dark nut of the soul.

Blake, hit it. Hey! Yes, points! Yes, points! Yes, points! You give it to yourself. There you go, baby. Yes, points!

You earned it. That was pretty great. Thank you. Cool. And then, you know, what, what we can show something earlier that foreskin shadows, what happens later. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wait, you caught, I didn't know it was gonna be back to back.

Foresit shadows. I'm just saying, if we can find something in the right vein. Oh! Yes, points! And I don't want to rip off any old movie like Shaft or, um... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yes, points! Go Dyrs!

Anymore? Anymore? Go Dyrs! Wow, he's got to take a sip of beer after that run, my boy. He had to cool down. He's got to wet that sip of beer after that run. My boy had to cool down. He's got to wet that whistle. But like the soundtrack could be amazing. You could get like your ether Franklin. Oh, hell yeah.

You guys want to hear some crazy shit? Yeah. Wait, hold on. We got some breaking news here. I was just in Yosemite for almost a week with my family and stuff. Hell yeah, bro. Nice. And first of all, Yosemite is dope. Go check it out.

It's the best. It's way dope. El Cap. There's like some sequoia trees that you could drive through. That's the really the only national park I've ever been to. It's fucking stunning. Gorgeous. It's crazy. Yeah. But so we're up there and my little one is like, there's a worm in my poo poo.

And we're like, huh? Oh my God. Emma goes to check the dookie and sure enough, there's a little worm going, Oh, fuck. And then we're like, well, he's got pinworm. So we have to like all take this medicine. And then the next day, my big dog is like dad There's a snake in my deal. There was a worm in my poo poo, too. Yeah, there's a raccoon coming out of my penis He's like I had a worm too So we're all like boiling our clothes and like changing the sheets and like everyone at the schools

Wait, wait, what does that? What does that mean? Why worms in your poop? What does that mean? Worms in your poop, what does that mean? So like if you're a little kid and you're like sucking your thumb all the time, like I guess there's like in germs, like somehow there's like eggs that can get like left like on your fingernails and stuff like that. And then you suck on your thumb

and then it goes into your body and then worms grow in your digestive tract. And basically- Yummy! They eat your food, right? And then like every once in a while you shit one out. And like, I'm just checking my dookie every day, different than dookie trends, but it is gnarly.

That's cool. So how do you check your dookie? Do you fish it out of the toilet and like take a fork and kind of smash it up? I mash it in my hands. I squeeze. Do you kind of get one of those like garlic peelers and kind of run it through that? Yeah. How do you check exactly? Yo, the Play-Doh style? Yeah, do you get Play-Dohs? These are all good ideas. I should look into it. You squish it out, make it look like dreads coming out of the little toy. Yo, you dookie

and then you just kind of get up all weird and you turn around and you eyeball it and you're like looking for any movement. And then when you're like, okay, it's not that. Why is this making my butthole itch? I mean, I can't, I'm waiting for it but I already took the medicine. How big was this thing, man? How big was the worm?

Like a half inch long. Well, that's so, I mean, that's pretty big. Sorry, I said a half a shlong. So it was pretty big. Oh, man. 10 inches. So your kids, uh, at least six inches. They got some big old wambos down there. I know they do. They sure do. Huge cocks. They got my exact same. So do the worms get transferred through clothing to other people in the house?

Why do you have to boil everything? They can. Oh my God. Cause like they, the the eggs there's like eggs on your butthole like you gotta wash your shit it's crazy weird wild stuff it's cool that your children are investigating their shit intensely enough that they saw the worm yeah how do you see the first word was it like a lot of worms no is one so he was a tree and a history and half or whatever almost little more but he just came out and a half, he's three and a half or whatever, almost, a little more. But he just came out and was like, Ma'am, there's a worm in my poo-poo.

And you're like, What? First of all, why are you looking at him? You're like, what? You idiot! Second of all, he must have felt a little squirm or something like that or heard it screaming from the toilet bowl. Help! God, I'm drowning! Emma didn't believe him because you're just like all right, but then kids Yeah, you think he's make is he's doing some fun make-believes, right?

We're all about the warm bits in our house, which is like extra confusing. There's a dragon in my poo poo, right? I pissed firecrackers Right But then she checked it out and was like sure enough and then Arnie we were like is he Trying to like be part of it because it got a lot of attention right right right right and we were like is he like uh i have worms in my poo poo too right you're like you have no worms in your poo poo i'm cool too you didn't see it it was like twice as big yeah there's an earthworm in his dookie it's like right that doesn't add up

did you dig that up from the backyard yeah why are Why are there rolly pollies in your poo? There's just like, you guys went fishing. There's like minnows in there. Dad, check out my turd. Did you guys call the big worms blood suckers back in the day? What, leeches? Oh, like the big earth worms?

Yeah, for sure. Big earth worms. We always call them blood suckers. No, I've heard them called night crawlers. Yeah, night crawlers. Cause I admire they're night crawlers cause they come out crawlers. Because why are they night crawlers? Because they come out at night? Because they come out at night. Yeah. That was the most fun thing as a kid when we would like be

camping, going fishing the next morning. And dad was like, you got to go find those earthworms, those night crawlers to so we can fish the next morning. And then it's just you're hunting, you're covered in mud, and you feel like you're doing actual work. Getting them worms. Early bird gets the worm, man. That's where the saying comes from. So worms are cool.

So the moral of the story is my kids are cool because worms are cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they feel sick? Thank you, God. Did they feel sick? No, you don't even know. They're just parasites.

They live in you. They eat your food. And I guess like, if you don't check your dookie It just takes like three months to cycle out so you guys have all probably had them for sure This is the meatworm do you and I'm always investigating my dookie, so that's weird that I haven't seen it with the garlic thing I always take it out smash it up with a fork That's why I kind of that was sort of my what I do with it Yeah, yeah every time I take a shit right I shit on a plate and then I kind of shake it off into the toilet

Yeah, I just eat it and you guys know that I'm siphon it through a little thing like you're searching for gold, right? That's how we met. Well, these are yeah I'm feeling like maybe we have a little yoke on our face because Carl was talking about Kyle Yes, it's me I don't have the rape ban with me He was talking about the red worms last pod. And now all of a sudden, your kids have the worms. Is the new saying, instead of yoke on your face, you got a little worm in your butt?

Yeah, you got a little worm in your poo, buddy. Yes, I got a little worm in my butt. Now hear me out, guys. Hear me out, because I think this is a really, really good idea. Do we, since we're talking sending nudes to each other, which I'm like, I mean maybe sure, but don't we want to take really artful, artistic, hardcore, porno shoot, and like have an only fans yeah yeah we do don't we don't we don't we interesting phrase of a question maybe we do an only fans maybe we have

like a calendar maybe did I chunk did you guys hear that? I'm saying- You froze, but maybe we do. Adam, maybe we do. Yeah, maybe. I'm saying we do a maybe we start an OnlyFans where it's just real hot content from us. And then I kind of walk that back. I think what we should do is we have like really very sexual- Encounters. Sex with each other?

I'm not saying sex with each other? Maybe. Yeah, I'm not saying sex with each other. Sensual. I was gonna say, I said sexual. What I mean is sensual photos. Different things, very different things. That we sell when we go on tour and they're like calendars.

We do like sexy calendars. Oh. Calendars. Okay, I love your merch booth ideas. This is a merch. Yes, merch. I got a, my merch brain is just firing today, boy. I don't know what it is. Is your merch brain firing?

What other thing have we talked about? It's the whole promo. He's boosting, he's just like, he's boosting. Everything's a freaking opportunity with this guy. I like it, he's firing. So, what is it, Monday? I'm just a calendar. So like so just 12 photos or like are we talking about one

of those 365 where you pull one off every day? Oh hell no. I think I think that's that might be too much work and a lot of nudity. But think about this. Think about this. If if on the first day, it's just a shot of your flaccid penis and then every day you peel back, it's like it gradually getting harder. That's gonna have to be a big calendar for me. Yeah. Oh it gets harder and then and then on New Year's Eve you bust? Yes. Yeah New Year's Eve you bust. Alright. Right. Oh wow so there's like actual yeah that's kind of interesting. Wait so this just isn't the erection

growing you're actually stimulating yourself? No. Well you don't see it. This is a flip book with 365 frames and the first frame is a flaccid wang and then the last frame is a CS, a cum shot. Well we could release that and then never say, just say it's our collective dick and what we could do is take this much photo of just a little one inch photo of each of our dicks. I actually like this idea. Goodbye. This I'm down. It's a Frankenstein version of a dick and it's just our collective dick. So we're never Frankenweenie. You're only showing this much of your dick.

Right. I would be down to put all of our dicks together in a Photoshop and make a bigger dick. Wait, who's the Voltron on the crew? Who's the head, bro? Hang on. Blake, hold up. I said Frankenweenie and I didn't get a yes points? Oh, yes points. Points. I'm going to go play in traffic.

Yes points. Sorry, man. There we go. You got your points, bro. I'm giving you flowers, bro. Good job. What do you think I'm here for? I'm here for the points.

We're here for the points. We're here for the damn points. Flowers. God, it's so crazy that Adam you took that there because that's exactly what I was thinking. With the jizzing on the New Years. I was gonna say that. That's crazy. Great minds.

Wow. And that's why we work so well together, Jersey. Yeah. Let's put our heads together. Literally. Literally, mate. Head on collisions, baby. And I'm not talking crash test. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, and so I think that's like some really cool

Merch or NFT. Yeah. Yeah, that's right Actually, I was thinking that like all this NFT shit I could give a fuck about but doesn't it seem like the best place to drop like your nudes or sex tape if you are going to do that? Right like make it hell of exclusive. Yeah. Yeah, but what do you what do you want from your dropping your sex tape? Well, you could still see it can still be passed around the internet to everyone but only one person actually owns it You can still like post it wherever but not if that person has it Yeah, right like only one person has it. Yeah. Right. Like only one person owns it if you make it super exclusive.

Yeah, but you could still, it could still be everywhere on the internet. If that person puts it out there. Right. But then that devalues it, right? Yep. So you're just buying it to put it out there. Yep. Because the whole thing of value is there's only one.

Mm-hmm. There can only be one. Oh my god! We're so dumb. We don't know shit. Yeah, so you say say come over to my house. I have the nude. I will show it to you. But you have to pay at the door to see it. To see Blake's, Blake's gooch. Yeah. I think I bet Blake would get the most money for, for his nude. Right. That's what I think. I think you would, you would collect the most coin. Yeah. I could get behind that if you watch Kyle's NFT

It's like that movie the ring See his butthole like the hair and all of a sudden this fucking girl with long hair That would be a sick-ass NFT Ring porno parody this ain't the ring. Oh, bro. I guarantee you that shit exists the cock ring It exists for sure. It's just the o-ring dude is so much but oh Blake if you got a role as like a Crazy serial killer would you and they're like, but we expect we want him bald. Would you shave your head? Mmm, what would it take. Would you shave your head?

What would it take for you to shave your head? Well, shave. Shave, not just a haircut. Two bits. It's important. This is a shaved head situation. Woke has gone seven seasons. You're already done with Woke, okay? Right, right, right.

You don't need the money. This is now. I'll tell you what, if I'm in this southern heat long enough. I might shave my damn head I'll tell you right now Yeah, damn. It's hot as hell. I got a sweaty back in my neck dude. You are fine. Okay, but now you're deflecting What would it take yeah? This is a great question? What would it take to cut your hair? This is a great question not cut your hair shave your hair Shave your fucking head uh-huh I mean

You it would it would be a bit of an identity crisis for me um why don't you cry about it? Why don't you cry I would do it for a role though. I would like a thank you God girls back How long would it take you to grow your hair back two and a half three years? I have no idea I mean you would never because it would go through that weird phase that you went through when we lived together Where it just was like a little mushroom top you could get back through it the guarini phase Yes, where you just look like Corbin blue like for like two years straight. Oh, sir. I don't like it

blue look like Corbin blue like for like two years straight. No sir I don't like it. Corbin blue. Who's that? He was the kid from a high school musical. Hmm. Type. Nice pole. Wow. Ders don't act like you don't know. You don't know about Corbin blue dude.

Never saw a high school musical either. Oh, okay. Stop the presses. Are we giving flowers? I'm not giving flowers. Okay, so first of all, hang on. You don't watch Game of Thrones and High School Musical? What the fuck are you guys watching, man?

You gotta watch the good stuff. Fair enough. Just shut your big yammer. What are you guys investing in? Car shows and swimming? Jesus Christ. Dang. You don't watch High School Musical or Game of Thrones get the fuck out of here. Hey at least I seen men in black, okay?

You know what? I've seen men in black bro. I've seen men in black. This dude brought a gun to a knife fight. No more mr. Knife guy Yeah, I've seen it though. Adam just got seated. He's like, okay. I've seen it. Knife guy. Yeah, I've seen it. I'm just got seated. He's like I've seen it You've seen it. I seen I don't remember the last part where you were looking underneath a cat's collar I don't remember you don't read you don't remember they zoom out and the entire universe is just in a marble That's in a cat's collar, and you're like oh Fuck dude. Yeah, no I was too, I probably left the theater to go watch Austin Powers again.

That's probably what I did. I probably was like, all right cool. Fair enough. Yeah, that's tight. I see you. Do I make you horny, buddy? If I leave 15 minutes early, I could catch all of Austin Powers, so.

I can get the mini-me reveal again. Yeah, baby, yeah. I make this shit look good. Thank you, honors. Just the two ofme reveal again. Yeah baby, yeah. I make this shit look good. Thank you, honors. Just the two of us. Damn. We'll make you horny, baby.

Fantasy football fans, the NFL season is here and now is the time to get ready to dominate your leagues. The best way to crush your opponents this season is to listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast. Come hang out with me Marcus Grant and my pal Michael F. Florio as we give you all the info you need to absolutely steamroll your fantasy league and bring home a championship. You don't need to spend hours each day breaking down every stat and every stitch of game tape to set a winning lineup. That's our job. We'll provide all the insights you need to set the best lineups each week. All you need to do is listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast when it

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This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed, this is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're gonna die being you, so you gotta constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

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In this series, we'll be bringing you different totally true ghost stories each week, straight from the person who experienced it firsthand. I'm excited to share that you can now get access to all new episodes of Haunting, 100% ad free, and one week early with an iHeart True Crime Plus subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. So don't wait, head to Apple Podcasts,

search for iHeart True Crime Plus, and subscribe today. We're getting older. We need to be making a little bit better decisions. I mean, I remember back in the day, me and Austin Anderson, friend of the pod, we would drive up to Santa Barbara when we were like 18 years old. And we'd go to Santa Barbara and then we'd walk around and look for open houses and meet the kids that were renting their rooms, like on, what is that main drag called, like Playa Vista, I think?

And would go and be interested in renting a room and then would be like, well, what are you guys doing tonight? Maybe we should party, see our future roommates. And- High-speed bro bond. And then everyone had parties. So we did that like five different places. This is how like murderers prep get all these people's numbers.

And then at that night we would just like call each one and be like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, Hey, I made us at this party. These guys might rent a room. We had no, we just wanted to go party. I'm still going to send it. And why did you want to do that up in Santa Barbara as opposed to where you guys were in college? Just because it was a fun thing.

It was a fun thing to go do because we hadn't experienced Santa Barbara yet. So we were just like, let's go up. And then we would end up, we did this like three times. And we ended up- Would you crash at their houses? We did twice and one time. This is what kind of percolated this memory

was once I tried to sleep in the car with Austin Like we just pulled over on the side of the road and just started to sleep and he was snoring so loudly That I just slept in the yard next to the car The car and I remember like it's just people were job Like I remember just a girl was jogging at like 6 30 in the morning. I'm like Jesus Christ. Just shaking right at you You just roll over and start doing push-ups and you're like you got to get after it. I'm all right Yeah, just immediately go back to sleep early bird gets the word Yeah, I do push-ups in my own puke there was a time when I was so drunk and I drove down to Orange County from LA

allegedly allegedly Allegedly drove down to see County from LA. Allegedly. Allegedly. Goodbye. Yeah, allegedly. Drove down to see Blake at his father's house and I was so wasted and I think I did some cocaine that night and then. Okay, allegedly. I made phone calls.

I remember making phone calls the whole way down and then finding a beach and then sleeping on the beach. Yeah. This is when the listeners go, yep, that's why he's the sober friend. Yeah. Dude, I slept on the beach and woke up at 11 a.m. and there was a volleyball game happening like over me.

That's amazing. You just woke up, you need a fourth man. Super sunburn. Dude, I was fully jean-jacketed out too. Like I was fully, I had jean jacket on Sunglasses pants and just like I bet you had a really sick trucker hat during that time, too I remember I remember that I feel like there's a detail you're missing Kyle. What's the detail? Did you not have like a fake silver grill in your mouth like teeth?

Yeah, probably dude probably like you might have woke up with some fake, like a fake grill in your mouth. Yeah. Do you think they thought you washed up from the shore? They thought you were a pirate. Oh my God, a pirate from another time. It's a shipwrecked man. That man is shipwrecked.

It's a dirty brown water pirate. Don't touch it. That's my best friend. This is pre-Carl from Workaholics, so there's no explanation other than you were an insane Captain Jack Sparrow, probably pre-Captain Jack. Yeah, I feel like when we were younger, we were just more willing to sleep places that weren't... Pliable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you don't run the numbers in your head of survival. You just go, yeah, I'm going to go to bed right here. I'm betting that in the Ozarks, I'm just going to find a corner of wherever we're sleeping

and I'm just going to do the hands in the armpits, just laying on the floor on the floor style. That's good. That's it. I'm going to just sleep in a little owl's house in a tree. Fold up in a little ball. Oh, Adam doesn't like owls. Why don't you go podcast all night with your friends? Just shut your big mouth. Go talk for another four hours about cum, all right? Yeah, no, that's great. Why don't you put some cum on the table, great.

I'll be over here putting food, put more cum on the table. I have to deprogram our children after they listen to your podcast. No, no, they'll be proud. They'll be very proud. That's gonna live forever, right? Yeah. Kyle, when you were getting your hair brushed, remember you came back and you're like,

dude, my mom was like brushing my hair and it hurt so bad I hit her. Yeah, I punched her. That's, I punched my mother. I'm sorry, mama. Yo. I did, I punched my mother. She was combing through my hair and it was just- You punched her or you like pushed her away?

No, I punched her. Well how old were you when you were assaulting your mother? 32. Whole for Thanksgiving. Because you were a big kid so you punching your mom probably like- With those big Czech hands? No, I was probably, I mean I was like eight or nine and we played slug bug all the time so it was like punching was kind of like what we did right, but in there you could with your mom

Yeah, for sure is your mom the bug my mom was was like yeah, you can punch me in the shoulder But like you have to be careful like be be you know don't try and hurt But the one time I tried to her I was dad hitting you we're playing a game. It's called punch bugs slug buggy Why was dad hitting you? We're playing a game. It's called punch bugs. Slug buggy. Slug bug. Did you ever go to school and they're like, they have to talk with your mom because they're like covered in bruises. Did your mom slug you back?

My mom did hit me back. Yeah. Was she also hitting an eight year old boy? Yes, she was. Yes. It was, it was like a mutual like kind of thing that we would do. She was like tough and I was like, you know Ten or eleven or something like that But when she was combing its mutual when she was combing through my hair, I hit her way too hard. You like this It was very wrong. Where where did you hit her like the shoulder on the shoulder? But you know how you like hit like the muscle and then you can also hit the bone and like the bone kind of hurts

A little more I hit her on the bone and it's like I'm sorry mama the bone kind of hurts a little more. I hit her on the bone and it's like, I'm sorry, mama. I didn't really know, you know, the reaction. Sorry, mama. Where's my mom? I got no mom in my headphones. Sorry, mama. That's intense. Yeah, I love how she's like grooming you getting lice out of your hair as like a favor as like a solid. as like a solid. It wasn't like it was like out of nowhere, like she pulled your hair or something. This was like, she was doing something very kind for it. Yes, and I took it, yes, you're right. Taking care of you, and it just like a knee jerk reaction

to be like, mom, ugh! Oh, are we playing the game? No! It's one of those things where it's like, it's funny until it's not. No, I get that though. It's sometimes when you're in pain, it's like a... It's one of those things where it's like it's funny until it's not no I get that though It's sometimes when you're in pain. It's like a it's science, right? It's like the dudes who jump out at people at Halloween and then just get socked in the mouth

It's funny until your mom calls us and asks if we will take this pod down, right? I mean she had reconstructive surgery. She's fine. It's a game. Yeah, she had to get a nose job You got a new nose out of it surgery she's fine it's a game yeah she had to get a nose job you got a new nose out of it which we're gonna have some hot merch coming down the pipeline if i have my ways calendars calendars pornos nfts of our buttholes yeah photos of our dicks photoshopped together as one dick the frank and weenie and stay tuned for when we come to your city and perform at your porno theater. Now, would you guys do this? Would you release a photo of your butthole

if we all took photos of our butthole and then they just took, it was just, we've, we split the butthole into fours and it's just each. I'm pissed now. Like a pie? Honestly, I'm into anything where we're splitting our private parts and making one.

And then people have to guess yeah Yeah, like I think that's so cool. I do too. That is art Arthur The product will be so worth it it'll be proud of it for my entire life will be so worth it. And I'll be proud of it for my entire life. Like. Yo. Wait till you see our dick. Wait till you see our dick.

People are gonna lose it. They're gonna be like, yo, this isn't porn, has the best drops. They did the butthole drop. Did you get it? Oh, it's sold out. Yeah, it was weird. Dude, it's our dick.

Blake said it right there. It's called our dick. I will never, ever, ever show my dick to the public. I will show our dick all the time Every day our collective dick our collective button. Should we switch it up though? So like somebody like it's it's my base and then like Adams base next time Kyle's head like we there's like however any different versions. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, if you collect them all if you collect them all you got to collect them all

I don't like that you can I don't like that You can kind of like back page of Mad Magazine it together, like fold it. If you know how to fold right, you can figure out what all of our dicks look like. Or like a garbage pail kid puzzle where if you flip them all over, it's the butthole. That's a really good idea. If you collect all 16 or whatever of the dicks, you flip them all over and you get the butthole. Tops, get at us. When you seek my dicks. I don't want anything coming at us.

Well, wait, Carl, I thought you liked this idea. No, I don't want anything tracing back to reality. If you're out, we're all out. I like the idea of using one quarter. I don't like the idea of giving them a trail to see the real thing. What? No, it's a trail to see the quartered butthole.thole oh yeah which is also a magic eye of Kyle's dick magic guy I could never do

them those are tight oh my god it's all four of our buttholes and then the magic eye if you stare into it long enough right right is your day yeah but then Right, right. ECR dick. ECR dick! Yeah. But then you're gonna fully see my personal dick? No, you'll just see the Magic Eye, the Magic Eye outline. Yeah, it's just a Magic Eye outline. Get over it. Yeah. Okay, that's cool. As long as you're not seeing my own personal dick.

How do you build a Magic Eye? Because that, hey, also I feel good merch. Bring Magic Eyes back. Oh my back so back back to work I worked yesterday with Mark Evan Jackson who did a couple episodes of workaholics funny guy yes sir super funny dude he's been on like almost everything and he was saying like so often young men come up to him and say this thing's not gonna suck itself which is a line that he said on our show. And this is like super, this is like a super straight lace

guy. So I was wondering if you guys can think of even with Snapchat memory, who we gave like the worst case scenario roll to where like people come up to them and are like quoting the worst fucking line ever. Oh, interesting. Probably Just Anna. Who, probably the girl who played Just Anna and they're like talking about slapping their pussy to her or something. Oh yeah, that's right. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's not great.

I don't remember, there's so much of the show that I don't remember. Oh yeah. Like after season two, I do not remember three, four, five, six or seven at all it's like Game of Thrones like I'll see photos and be like oh yeah kind of well like people will all the time say something to me that's way off the cuff right and I'm like oh am I about to fight a man like they'll just say some shit that I'm just

like what it's so I couldn't even tell you it's just way out of bounds and I'm just like I don't know and they're. It's just way out of bounds. And I'm just like, I don't know. And they're like, you said that, that's you. And I'm like, what? And then they have to like back explain and then they're disappointed. And I'm like, I'm sorry, we said a lot of shit in that show. There's a lot of stuff.

And you never know what someone's gonna like, you know that they're gonna grab ahold of like the big catchphrases, the tight buttholes, the let's go, those kind of things. But like the deep cuts, because it's like when you watch a show with a group of friends, like one little thing might stick out to you guys

and then you say that to each other all the time. It's science. And then you come to us and we don't know what you're talking about a lot of times. Well, Blake just stayed here with me this past weekend and he didn't undo the covers, didn't get under the covers. He's a monster.

He slept on top of the covers and it also doesn't even look like he used a pillow. Did I do that? Well, yeah, Blake's nuts. He didn't get under the covers and it seemed like he used a pillow. Did I do that? Well yeah, Blake's nuts. He did get under the covers, and it seemed like he went out of the way to not use pillows. But this is the same dude who, in hotels,

will not sleep on the bed. He'll just sleep on the floor with the comforter. Oh yeah, what the fuck is that? Weird, wild stuff. He'll sleep on the floor next to the bed. That's my weirdest friend. Blake is the weirdest guy I know. The fact that he just invited a bunch of people

over at 3 a.m., then goes to bed, then doesn't go underneath the covers. Very nice, it's a very nice house. These guest rooms are great. I could see if this is like a dorm room or something, and you're like, I don't know, there might be all kinds of weird shit underneath here. It's like these are linens, Blake.

You could have slept with linens. These are linens and things. Honestly, I think in my mind, I don't do it because I get hot easily when I sleep, so I just sleep on top. Yeah. We also first night explained to him how the thermostat upstairs worked.

I was like, this is yours, so you can do it whatever. If you like it really cold, you can just put it really cold. And he's like right on Did not touch the thermostat slept on top of the covers though In his clothes in his clothes for sure. I didn't feel down. It just didn't get comfortable like didn't even try to get comfortable What's up with that? I can't do that. I run hot. I gotta get the clothes off. Yeah, I mean I was exhausted I was done. Yeah, we were going hard, man. Yeah, we went-

Probably sleep better under the covers, man. True. Like in a nice cool room. I don't know why I was so tired. Yes, it's because I sleep on the floor. I slept in my jeans on top of the bed. Dude, the more I think like that weird drunk sleep where you're not awake,

but you wake up like you didn't sleep at all. Yeah, it's called alcohol poisoning. You're almost dead. You know that weird sleep? You can't move and the room is spinning. You know that? Sleep paralysis. When the Grim Reaper visits you. You know that? Yeah, we know it. We know it well. We had a lot of fun this weekend, that's all I'll say.

Well, I will say that it took like so long to not be drunk for me that next day. Like I understand why you had to stop drinking because you drink it till five, six a.m. You would have been drunk for part of that drive home and you don't wanna do that. Yeah, no. I was making the responsible choice

by going to bed at three in the morning. Would you eat for breakfast before you left? How'd you get your mind right? He didn't, he didn't even grab coffee. We have coffee here. What'd you do for five hours? You hit a gas station? I called him like a half hour into his drive.

When I woke up, he's like, yeah, I left like a half hour, 45 minutes ago, something like that. And I'm like, oh cool. You get anything to eat here? And he goes, no, I really could use a coffee or something though Like you didn't stop to get yourself something. He's like no even before you left the house leaves no trace You don't know where he's been where he's going. It's not malicious dude. I just don't think about it Where he's going. It's not malicious, dude.

I just don't think about it. You're a stupid dumbass. It's wild, though. I forgot to eat last week. Yeah, there's a kitchen there. There's coffee pods right there. God, it'd be nice. Look, I had like half a can of Coke Zero in the car

from the day before. So I kind of weaned off of that. Truly insane. So you're good to go. You're good to go. Wait, so when you went to the gas station, because it's a five. So you're good to go. You're good to go Wait, so when you went to the gas station because it's a five-hour drive. You gotta go Yes, you ain't going side and just get like a fucking jerk off. You know Get a game stop

Blake we've established you like to jerk off Did you kick it in the car did you you feel the need? Did you do it? I'm reformed man. That's not how that's not how I get down anymore. That was junior high. That's not how you are anymore. For those of you at home my front upper four teeth are fake. Those are caps and underneath them is crazy fangs. Yeah, he's got a nice Joe Biden grill. Yeah, it was a great purchase. Made of toilet porcelain. You look great. Oh, is that right?

Yeah, they're porcelain. Wow. These are Toto. That's some high fancy crap right there. Some chompers. American Standard. Wow. I might have told this story, but we were at, like, not scary farm.

Yeah. No, we were at haunted horror nights for Universal. And we're walking through one of those mazes. It was like really dark and there's just like, it's kind of strobe lights. And she jumped out in front of me. And she was selling a choro and I just got pissed. Yeah, she was working at the popcorn stand.

No, and she jumps out and I just sucked. I just did, I did like a rabbit punch and I punched her in the face. And then I like went to console her after I realized like, oh, I just hit a person because I was scared and I just punched him. And then I went like, I'm so sorry. And went like this and then just cupped her titty.

Oh my God. Yeah. Where's this going? And then? No! I go, I go, I'm so sorry. Titty I go I go I'm so sorry and then just like went out to reach her to be like I'm so sorry and I didn't know It was a girl, you know, she's run a concert. She was like and then I feel this and then I'm like god I'm sorry and Chloe's like what the fuck Adam. What are you doing? This was recent Yeah, who held her underwater by the vagina? So you you hit her and then you sexually assaulted her? Yes, I did.

Oh, man. You're like, Chloe, run. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Hey, this is important. This is all allegedly. Right. That's crazy.

And to that scary clown, Adam, he'll be apologizing at the end of the pod. I did not mean to. You didn't mean to elbow you in the face and then squeeze both your titties. And I said honk. It wasn't elbow, it was a little rabbit punch and then I just had to give a honky honky. It was an accident, you know? Yeah, accidents happen.

Do you remember when we went to the SNL after party and I almost got in a fight with Andy Samberg? Oh yeah, it was a weird shouting match of two people not listening to each other. It was like music was super loud. Jillian was writing for SNL that season. Remember it was the season we were writing Workaholics and we weren't sure if Jillian was going to be able to do it because she's now a writer on SNL and we weren't sure if scheduling was going to work out. We went to go give her her flowers. Yes and she invited us to come stay with her for the weekend and see, go to like the SNL after parties with her and stuff and we're like oh hell yeah. And so we go to SNL and we go to New York to visit Jillian and we go to the after party and Andy Samberg's there.

We're all fans and it was cool. And she introduces us and the music's loud and he's sitting across the table and Jillian goes, Andy, this is my friend Adam. Adam, this is Andy. And I go, hey, I'm Adam. And he goes, no, I'm Andy. It's Andy. And I go, I know, I know, I is Andy. And I go, hey, I'm Adam. And he goes, no, I'm Andy. It's Andy.

And I go, I know, I know, I'm Adam. He's like, it's Andy. It's Andy. And I'm like, I know. I know you're Andy. I'm Adam. And he's like, I'm Andy. And it was like, that went back and forth.

And I was like, I know you're Andy. I know you're Andy. Jillian runs back in. What is happening? happening like went to the bar and came back and we're like he's standing up we're yelling I'm like I know you're Andy I'm like what is happening fuck you asshole and then yeah and then we had this same agent at that time and my agent called me that next week when we were back in their writers room at work Alex and he was like hey agent called me that next week when we were back in the writers room at workaholics and he was like hey uh Andy called me and said that you guys almost got in a fistfight because he misheard you and thought you were calling him Adam. I didn't

know it got that real. Yeah and then uh and then he was like yeah he just wanted to and actually we squashed it there and he's like oh I'm sorry people call me Adam all the time it just bugs me I thought you were doing it to like shit on me and I's like, oh, I'm sorry people call me Adam all the time. It just bugs me I thought you were doing it to like shit on me and I'm like, oh no I thought you were quoting an old YouTube video. I got fucking pissed bro. No over back. Yeah Adam over back Fantasy football fans the NFL season is here and now is the time to get ready to dominate your leagues The best way to crush your opponents this season is to listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast.

Come hang out with me, Marcus Grant, and my pal Michael F. Florio as we give you all the info you need to absolutely steamroll your fantasy league and bring home a championship. You don't need to spend hours each day breaking down every stat and every stitch of game tape to set a winning lineup. That's our job. We'll provide all the insights you need to set the best lineups each week. All you need to do is listen to the NFL Fantasy Football Podcast when it drops five times a week.

If you're looking for a smart, fun, and entertaining path to dominating your fantasy leagues, then look no further than the show straight from the source at NFL Media. Do it before it's too late. Subscribe now and listen to the NFL fantasy football podcast on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites that have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between.

This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things. That feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're gonna die being you. So you gotta constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly. Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell,

if you've come through some trials with you, you need to share it. Cause you're gonna inspire someone. You're gonna give somebody the motivation to because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every week on Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso, I invite an artist, writer, or politician to

come to the table and speak from the heart. In ways I imagine you haven't heard from them before. Some of my favorites are with Tom Hanks, Margaret Atwood, Questlove, Cate Blanchett, and Oscar Isaac. If that sounds like a varied group of people, it's because it is. I always wanted to make a show where one week we could sit with a politician like Beto or work, the next an author like Min Jin Lee, or TV titans like Bill Hader and Quinta Brunson. Basically, this is a podcast

driven by curiosity and an abundance of research. Conversations where people actually start to sound like people. In recent weeks, I sat with Dan Levy, Ava DuVvernay, Benny Safdie, and the editor of The New Yorker, David Remnick. You can listen to Talk Easy with Sam Fragoso on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I hope to see you there. I jerked off in a TJ Maxx once. And this was important. Damn, son, where'd you find this? I jerked off in a TJ Maxx once. And this was important. Damn, son, where'd you find this?

I think we might be a little premature on ending it. I'm a man! Wait, did you, because you remember the most legit hiding spot when you were in department stores was you'd go through the clothes into the middle? Oh, yeah, the best. No, it wasn't. I must have been like 12, 13, something like that. I was at the register. And yeah, I was at the best. No, it wasn't. I must have been like 12, 13, something like that.

I was at the register. And yeah, I was at the register. I just locked eyes. Beautiful. Looked like a wolf, this dude. And no, I was sitting in a chair. I'm like waiting for my mom to buy shit. And it's just TJ Maxx.

There's just shit everywhere. I'm listening. There's not a lot of people around. I'm like wearing a big jacket and I'm like wearing a coat, you know, it's winter in Nebraska. And I just, I just, I just jerked off. It was, I was bored. It was out of boredom. Right. It was like a jerk off out of boredom. And, but then I noticed a security guard who was kind of looking at me and it's kind of hard to jerk off and not like move your arm.

So I think he probably was like, this motherfucker's jerking off in this TJ Maxx. But then I couldn't stop because I was too far down the process. So I just kept going even though I'm pretty sure I was already spotted. Yeah. Like spotted like you spotted your pants like you were preying. You were preying? Was that the first time you preying? Yeah the pants were messed up. What I did is I went in the bathroom afterwards and threw them away. Oh I've done that. And you're like mom I want to buy these pants I'm gonna wear them out of the TJ Maxx. You threw your pants away? you threw your undies away. No not the pants the undies the undies. Yeah

I've thrown my undies away when I sharded before. My joe boxers my joe boxers. Oh Kyle do tell about your sharding Oh, lots of I've sharded them. So you were jacking off and then sharded? Well, yeah, I was jacking off that was all clean This was pretty no, dude I just throw my undies away because I have shit myself before like wow on a shift at Brendan theaters dude me, too We both shit our pants at the same job Do you guys think you ate something? What happened? We threw them out in the same place too, right like that Next-door spot fucking I love teriyaki. Did you throw about there? You guys ate a place called I love teriyaki, did you throw them out there? Yummy! You guys ate at a place called I Love Teriyaki?

It was bomb, dude, they'd give discounts to everybody who worked at Brennan Theaters and it was very delicious, but it was rich. Yeah, it was, it was very rich. So you guys, it's happened to me, it must have been a few times, but just the one time that I really remember it was the stand-up comedy night

that I said in one of the very first podcasts, the whole turd. Where, yeah, the whole turd came out and I put it in the pot of plant wrapped in a napkin. But this, it sounds like it happens fairly frequently to you, Kyle. Why do you think that is? Do you think it's all the veggies?

Do you think maybe you need? No, no, this is something that's been going on since I was the meat eater. I just have like leakage. Oh, you got a seepage situation. It's a seep situation. Yeah, it's just like a loose. Oh, what are we thinking? Like you're spanked or loose.

You blew your O-ring. No, sometimes I just push too hard to fart. And then, you know, some stuff comes out, you know, it's like, that's what happens. It is a delicate dance. And sometimes you're like, I got total control of nope I just shit my pants. I have a fart right now if you guys would like to hear it. Would you like to hear it? Yeah, yes

I don't I don't Dude was that real stereo Now in Dolby that didn't sound real at all. Was that real, Bam? Smells real, Bam. Smells real. My God. Is that real?

No, so I have great farts, like fantastic farts, and I always want to hear them and I always want to give my best with my performances. And sometimes it's shit. If I may? You may. And sometimes it's it's shit if I may you man I just want to say like based on hearing the like slap the snap crackle and pop of your butthole It does not sound like it's very tight. Like I feel like things would slip out of that. Correct. That's what I'm saying There was like extra clappage just but just from the audio you could tell that things could slide out Yeah, I mean it just had a flatness to it, you, kind of like a little too loose and slappy, you know?

Yeah, it popped. I got the poo on me. It popped. Correct. Yes. Okay. Correct. Yes, that's an incorrect assessment.

And then you gave it, I thought it was all done, and then you gave it extra. Yeah. Which tells me, that's when you're really playing with fire. That's when seepage happens. Right. It's also when the funniest farts happen, when you think you're done and with fire. That's when seepage happens. Right. It's also when the funniest farts happen,

when you think you're done and then you hit them again. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. A little pulsing action is good for the comedy. It's science. We're not saying it isn't. Right. Right, yeah. But yes, it comes with a raw deal, where sometimes you shit yourself.

Yeah, hey man, you play with fire, you get burned. You know? The raw deal of shit yourself every once in a while. I agree, brother. Well, you get burned. The raw deal of shit yourself every once in a while. I agree, brother. Well, you know when it started happening when I was like obsessed with lighting my farts on fire? Oh, like torquing? Are we talking about torquing?

Wait, torquing? Torquing. Yeah. Is that what you call it, torquing? Yeah, we call it torquing. Oh, that's torquing versus torquing. It's not torching? We called it torquing.

Why did you call it that? And this is just lighting your farts on fire? What's the reason? I don't know, that's how I learned it at summer camp and I used to fucking torque it up. You know what I think happened? I think they said torching. You said torking.

No one told you otherwise. Then you took that home from summer camp. From southern camp. From southern camp. Mama, they're out here talking. out here talking how to be more southern Do you think that because talking doesn't make any sense torching makes perfect sense I will say a couple things that's possible All right, that's possible Secondly cool secondly does it have to make sense half of this shit never makes sense

What's what's true? Orging Chorging makes a lot of sense to me. Chorging sounds, what is it? It's an onomatopoeia. Let's leave it to the people out there, slide in the DMs, let them know if torquing is a thing. I feel like we've covered a lot so far in this podcast guys.

We covered... Is it over? That was me. Did you just use the fart mic? You got to let people know. I didn't even know. You farted? Yeah, he farted. Hey Todd, if we could just ISO that on the mix, that'd be great. Yeah, Todd, let's ISO that on the mix and then bring it back right now. Just so everyone can really. It sounded like this one. No, it didn't. And let's ISO it again to compare. Okay.

Okay, see it didn't really sound like that. Alright, see it did not sound like that. Okay, now run that right by my audio clip as well and put them back to back. And then now can you, yeah, can you play the one from last episode, please? Well that one, I wasn't doing an impression of that one, but- No, I wanna just do a side by side. I just wanna do a side by side, if that's possible. Alright. Okay, thank you Todd. Thank you so much. Thank you Todd.

Thank you Todd. Thank you Todd. Thank you God. That's pretty good. Will you do that one more time? Thank you God much. Thank you Todd. Thank you Todd. Thank you Todd. Thank you God. That's pretty good. Will you do that one more time? Thank you Todd. Todd. You got it. I think we did it.

You got it baby. Really good stuff guys. Guys I'm in Texas right now and as you can tell. Houston. We're in Houston. We have a problem. And my dad is here if you guys would like to say a quick hello. Oh, heck yeah. Is this our first guest on the podcast?

This is our first guest. Whoa, first guest. I love it. Here. Well, I'll let him talk for just a few minutes because I'm a whore for this hot pub. Right. And I gotta get back to it.

But he does wanna know why you guys haven't reached out about his cancer diagnosis. Okay, here you go. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. What do you wanna, a hug and a kiss? Jeez.

Hey buddy. What's love? The love is right here, it's beaming. Dennis D. What up, what up? Dude, legendary dad on the pod, first guest ever. I would like it no other way. How are you, my man?

I'm good, I'm good. Killing cancer, one cell at a time. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Fighting that good fight? Shit yeah. I mean, we heard you're still ripping bongs and all that and we're in good spirits? Oh hell yeah.

The kids didn't believe me when I talked to the doctors in the Ozarks and they said yeah, blaze away. And then we come here and so the best doctors in the world say shit, you got it, smoke it. Temosabe. And there's still one, another opinion. No, that's the only opinion that matters. Hell yeah, that's right, that's right. Hell yeah. That's right. That's right. Yeah, buddy.

Mm hmm. They said just don't make that your first question. Yeah. And how's how's how's Houston treating you? Are they are they doing you right and all that? Well, Houston's good. Went to saw some baseball, saw a little basketball. That's right.

So yeah, everything's good. Right. So what's the deal? Are you're doing chemo? Do you get to like have local grub or are you on a certain diet that they got you on? for this No, in fact, they told me to Eat everything so I did I gained 15 freaking pounds now. We're talking really I'm gonna be the only fat cancer survivor

That's the secret that's how you beat it dude, dude. That's right. Put those pounds on. Yeah, feed that cancer. Feed that cancer. Yeah, dude. Gosh, we're fucking rooting for you, brother. Yeah, well thanks, man. Yeah, I really feel like it's an excuse for... Obesity. For, yeah, dad to get his... I'm not even convinced he has cancer. Right, deploy, for sure.

Because he keeps just... like he'll have like eight helpings of something and he's like, THE DOCTOR SAID! And now he's got... Man boobies. Yeah, he's got some serious squeeze-ability there. Hey, welcome to the party. They feel good. Yeah, buddy. When you like go downstairs quickly and they shake.

Oh yeah. I love that feeling. Thank you, thank you. Is Adam getting you any voiceover work with this new smoky tone you've got no No, you sound cool as fuck. No talk to his agents. Yeah, I'm gonna have to But can you like give a commercial for quiz nose or something real quick? Dennis is the one who did the noise at the end of every workaholics episode. That was his voice. Oh, yeah That's right. This is the voice. Is it him or is it Adam doing an impression of Dennis?

No, we pulled Dennis back into the room and he did it into the microphone a couple of times. It was me. It was me. It's Dennis. Hell yeah, it is. Well, actually he brought up a good point. Now that it's out there for all the lawyers, I still haven't got my check.

Oh dang. Yeah, we got you we got my check is still missing mm-hmm talk to your son yeah Adam always says a family discount Adam what's going on here get your dad paid for sure for sure did I ever show you guys that I was in a kid rock music video wait I knew this is just Durs's way to bring up his kid rock music video what do you mean when I got about this huh this whole pod has been just one big long con for you to talk about moving

the conversation you've been moving the conversation yeah way kid rock video I did it yeah hey it going to air next week. Congratulations, buddy. You made it. Yeah. And while you tell us the story of this, I will be seeing if it's on your IMDb.

Because if it's not. It's for sure now. My homie Brian got cast as a bare-knuckle boxer. I remember this. I was so pumped on you. He's like, yo, my other buddy dropped out. And he was like, can you come do this? And I'm like, what is it? And he's like yo my other buddy dropped out and he was like can you can you come? Do this and I'm like, what is it?

He's like we're just bare knuckle boxing shirts off in front of the like drummer from Kid Rock and I was like sure And I think I got like 250 bucks or something. It was great But then in the video like you can't really tell it's like always like kind of on your back and you're like blurry and shit And I was salty. I wanted you to be the star of that fucking video. I was like cuz it ended up being kid rock. Yeah Yeah All right, well I better let you guys get back to Podcasting cuz that shit's important. Yeah, man Thank You Dennis. Yeah, we're stoked to have you as the first and only guest on this is important. That's right

Right. Yeah much love Dennis And you guys were I mean you guys were Bay Area Like that the suburbs 45 minutes outside of the Bay Area and Tom Hanks, I'm here Bay Area 45 minutes away of the Bay Area and Thanks, I'm here East Bay Bay area 45 minutes away from over and Tom Hanks is not for 45 30 But yeah, but so you guys would sag your pants down so fucking far correct So your whole asshole is hanging out and so there's just one tiny little thin piece of fabric Between an open flame and your gaping gas leaking asshole yes well we thought that was the safe

way to do it cuz Blake didn't your dad have a horror story about like when he did it bare-ass and his asshole actually sucked to the yeah you don't do it you do it through your pants too you could do it through your jeans his asshole actually sucked the I don't know if it was your dad who did this, but one of his friends. This is what I was about to ask you guys. Well, we now that we know your dad listens to the podcast, so I'm pretty sure it was your dad that this happened to.

And what does he call it? Dad, it wasn't. No, that was what I was about to ask you dudes was, I was like, did you hear the urban like legend where some kid Kind of was trying to light his fart on fire and the flame sucked up into his asshole and burned his intestines And he got I believe that 100% right you do yeah No, and I thought that was your dad that that happened to no my dad's asshole is fully functioning to my knowledge is fully functioning to my knowledge.

ALL LAUGH Woohoo! See, so I thought I was being safe by going through the pants, but I think I might have fucked up my ass and caused a sea-pitch. Oh, so this is the root? Oh.

You have like a charred hole? Wait. Yeah, I think I... I think this... That's right. I can draw a correlation between lighting my farts on fire. I thought you were gonna say, I can draw a picture of my butthole free.

Yeah. Free and from memory. And it's just a black blob. Just squat over a mirror and give me a charcoal drawing of it, please. I could draw a picture of my butthole pre and pre. Like holding your nuts up and just kind of Yeah, I think it caused seepage be careful out there kids just be careful Yeah, careful with torquing or torching or whatever you call it and do it if you're gonna do it do it through your underwear

And your shorts or pants or at least underwear at least under so I jerk off in TJ Maxx's Blake is a notorious airplane J.O. Where's the bass? Pervert. Always. Kyle shits his pants more often than not. Yeah! Ders, what's your thing?

Where did you jerk off or what happened with your poops? What's your deep dark secret? You just pissed on yourself all the time? Your peas? You got a drip drop peas? I do love this podcast. Friendship. We've already talked about Ace Ventura,

how Jim Carrey was definitely like, and as silly as this guy is, he fucks like a champ. Like he really rails this woman while animals watch. It's a disgusting habit. He gets a blowjob in the first 10 minutes of the movie. And they're like, yeah Okay Would he though? He's kind of a buffoon. Yeah, I know but he can he can fucking lay pipe though But he for sure throws it down

It's funny get it cuz he wouldn't be able to so it's funny. Sure are friendly around Crazy. I know there's weird jokes about he's just getting laid constantly. So cool Yeah, like it's that funny and I'm ten years old just going yeah, this is how people behave That's how it works. That's how I have to act. I go check the writing credits I have a feeling he may have been in the writers room saddlebags Well, that's uh, that's why I did ace Ventura impressions for for five years in a row after that movie came out It really did infest. I was like, girls like guys that act like this.

Somebody stop me. Okay. Will you go to the dance with me? All righty then. Is that a yes? Your number's still 911. A buddy of mine had to go to rehab because he's. Oh yeah, this is great.

The parents sent him to rehab because he wouldn't stop doing Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey impressions. Like that was the addiction. He, that's all he talked like for two years straight. Yeah. That they sent him to rehab to like, stop the cycle. That would be such a cool, strange addictions episode. Yeah, he was addicted. It was my buddy Kevin Hart.

I'll shut him out. Wine Mouth. Oh, God, that's great. And I feel for him because it worked its way into you in on like a old school level or like Anchorman. Yeah. It's science. And if you're 10 and you're just running around.

It's science. Quoting that movie. Yeah. I really wanted to get the kind of pants he wore. He wore like those like red and black striped pants. I'm like, I've got to dress just like Asa and Turah because this dude is getting babes. I think I had gerbose that looked like that. Some striped gerbose. Well,, that's that was because it was pre internet and pre like memes and gifts and and all that shit. So like, that was the social currency of the time, like knowing the quotes and if you said it style kicker, if you said it, people are going to laugh like you didn't need your own joke. They're little

football. It's it's very much like how kids today will just rehash a meme and be like that's funny Right other kids laugh and they're like I'm killing it Yes, Satan Everybody's just acting like King Batch. Hey, do your kids? Like and subscribe do they say like and subscribe like Walking around like yeah, oh dude. That's funny. They just as a little thing go yeah like a buddy of mine I always post like with his little nieces and nephews and They're always they always will like say a thing and at the end of it be like like and subscribe

Okey dokey if it's on YouTube, and you're just like, oh those kids are watching way too much YouTube. Yeah. Yeah, that should be a sign that maybe they get off the iPad for just a little bit. What? I will say that the shit that kind of freaks me out, but I kind of do want to try it. Have you seen like the 3D printer food? Oh yeah. What?

Whoa, whoa, talk to me baby, what is this? Yeah, like I saw some steaks where it's like all like 3D printed from like, I don't I don't know, like organic materials or something. But it looks like steak, but it's completely synthetic. It's weird, wild stuff. Oh, wow. So is it like paper? It's edible. It's edible. Yeah, it's edible. You say it's paper. No, it, it's made of organic tissue or whatever. It's paper?

Wait, you printed it. It's paper? It's science. I mean, it might be paper. This is like using the same technology where they, this is like using the medical technology where they can rebuild organs and stuff like that. Where they can like- Where they can like-

Where they can like- Where they can like- Where they can like- Where they can like- Where they can like- Where they can like- Where they can like- Where they can like- Where or whatever. Yeah, they can, with skin tissue, they can actually like make- Make my dick bigger? Yeah. So you're telling me you can beat it up?

There's a chance. Frank and Weenie huge. Points. 3D print me some new testicles. Some length. Here's my question. Would you eat, Adam, mostly for you, because you're a steak guy,

you ate steak nine days a week. I did lots of science Would you eat a cow that was cloned? Zero hesitation I my head no my hesitation was why would I hesitate like why would I not and Then I thought about it for a brief moment. And nothing popped up. And I was like, fuck it.

You scroll through your Terminator brain. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, no. Why would I not? Why would I not? Yeah, why not? Because it's like cloned. It's like it didn't come from my god.

On this pod, we trust science, OK? We're going to put whatever the scientists tell us in our body, okay? We're gonna put whatever the scientists tell us in our body, okay? There we go. When you clone something, does that something start as a baby or does it just come out the exact opposite? Like how does that work?

Yes, Kyle. Wow! It has to grow up. It does? That's fucked up. Seriously. So like people who got cash are having, they'll have like a dog die and they'll pay like 250 G's

To have the same dog cloned and grown so they just keep reopening on the same. That is the six Where is this? That's the six day. That's a repet on. Yes. Yeah, so would you eat that dog Adam? Would I eat a dog? I probably would no no the cloned pet Uh, yeah, you have to consider that eating dogs is cool. Yeah. Okay. I will say it is in the movie Six Day and for anybody who hasn't seen this Arnold movie underrated as fuck check out the Six Day great film.

And what is his character's name in that movie? Ben Glebe. Ben Glebe? Who the fuck is Ben Glebe? Ben islebe? Ben Glebe? Ben is a comedian A very deep cut comedian Why did that come up? Because you're obsessed with him

You love Benjamin Glebe Is somebody saying it in the chat? No, they're saying, Strycan revealed that two of her three cotton de-teleur dogs were clones Really? That's some Bar Barbara Streisand shit bro. I have Streisand's doing it. I'm down. He's in the Illuminati for sure We should clone her. Oh, yeah, what if her dogs cloned her? How'd she feel? Yeah, I'm fine with well, isn't it? If we are able to clone these animals and then eat them would we not be able to?

would that cut down on like the, all the, No, no, no, cause it's the same animals. It's the same amount of animals. Oh, but could you maybe clone them so they didn't fart all the time, because that's the issue, right? Isn't that the whole thing with global warming is all these- Cow farts are fucking the ozone. Right.

But the methane's gotta go out of somewhere. Ah. Like that's, that. Like that's gas. Gas you don't want in your body. That's why it gets expelled. Like you don't, that's why you dookie. Because if the dookie stays in, that's bad stuff. You become septic.

So you don't think there's in years, we won't develop science that will make it so we don't have to fart. It's science. We can like somehow expel that gas another way. You'll probably be able to get a little second butthole put in wherever you want it, like an open second butthole that just can like. Remember those whistles from when you were a kid

that go. Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo and they would go Sounds pretty kazooie It's a pinwheel whistle. It's not a kazoo. Hey guys slide in these guys DM Send them pictures of the whistle with the little pinwheel on the inside that go Preferably while it's hanging out of your butt Bury it in the new Yeah, I don't want that to happen. Look, that's where the buck stops to me. I fart, okay?

You're not gonna take it away from me? You're not gonna change it. Well, that's what I would, the only way I would change it is if I could have multiple buttholes. Like if I could reroute. Well, I would like to not fart. If there was a pill or something where I never farted again, I would do that.

What the fuck? You guys love farting and I hardly ever do that's insane That's one of your greatest defense mechanisms Adam Don't you realize if you're being attacked by an animal the first line of defense is you fart on them shit yourself No, no what you're supposed to do is and Blake. I'm quoting Blake. You're supposed to Suppose to reach down their throat. Mm-hmm. That's a wild cat You're supposed to put your arm down their throat and then rip their intestines out of their butthole.

That's a wildcat. Specifically a wildcat. And then grab their dick. But then if that doesn't work, you have to fart in their face. Right. No, you have to fart across their uvula. Well, that's the opposite.

Because dogs, when you fart around a dog, will dive snout first into your asshole dogs are different love it right dogs rock no snout first dogs rock that's a companion animal now as a comedian though I don't even know the comedians perspective of ditching farts is Absolutely absurd to me like how much have you laughed in your life over farts and you're just saying without a blink of an eye Yeah, I don't want it no more. That's a bull. Adam to be honest I've never laughed at you if it wasn't a fart so you're willing to give that up Yeah, it's always part related so you could you're trying to pull the rug out of your whole career

And your friendship I guess I guess I thought you guys like my personality and stuff But it is our personal our relationship is fart based 100% Oh my god. You're just realizing that yeah Your entire sense of humor is hinged on your farting. I Guess I didn't know that And that would be my first I would like to start the take backs and apologies I'd like to take back saying that I'd give up farting because I didn't realize I had so much weight On our relationship and our friendship and if it means that much to you guys, I'm gonna stay farting guys I wish I wish I could queue up a wet one right now

But I don't have one Kyle's the only one who started on the podcast, right? Thank you. Wow, thank you God. I wish I could queue up a wet one right now. We'll fart my butt. I don't have one. Kyle's the only one who's farted on the podcast, right? I believe so. I did, I did do that. And that was real nice, that was a juicy one. You got one right now? You got one in the chamber?

I'm sitting with a pee, pretty heavy with a pee, so I don't know that I'll be able to pull it off. You can't pinch and. I'm pissed now. I'm just trying right now. I'm doing a wiggle and I don't think, I'll be able to pull it off. You can't pinch and... I'm pissed now! I'm just trying right now. I'm doing a wiggle and I don't think, I think the liquid's coming first. So I'm not gonna do that to you guys.

I get that. And I apologize for not peeing on the microphone. That makes sense. That's my bad. So you guys, after drinking beers for like 48 hours, you know, you're in Austin, you're pounding some lone stars. Yeah.

Oh yeah. So getting ready for the day, cause we kind of get like... This is stars. Yeah. Oh yeah. So getting ready for the day, because we kind of get like. This is important. This is the way. We get carted around, right? We get carted around all this stuff. There's kind of like an agenda.

So like, hey, shower, meet us down here. So I'm like, all right, I'm in the shower. Like Kyle, I'm like, all right, I got a fart. I'm just going to rip it. And then I just shit into the shower. And I was like, oops. Squado. Just kind of.

I think this is why I don't shit in, I'm never forcing farts out. Farts sometimes leak out of me. I think that's the issue. Yeah, but I didn't want to, well, that's leaking anyway. No, but diarrhea in the shower is like. Diarrhea.

Diarrhea. Diarrhea. This one was a little kind of underground and seemed like, you know, little like kind of like underground and like seemed like it you know It's kind of like this was the first time the dude had hosted it But he'd been doing it for like 10 years, but I could see where it could get very big I mean it was big it was grand for how small it was but I can see where it could go off like Vegas style I bet those drag shows are Insane and everybody is having so much fun.

This is what I'm getting from you talking about this. You wanna do drag when we do the live show. We do, this is important, the guys do drag. And we all come out dressed as women and put on a fun show. Yessir. Well, this was the thing. I'm like, I go in there, right? I go down the stairs and while I'm walking down the stairs,

four guys asked me like, Hey, will you take our picture in the stairwell? And I'm like, yeah, for sure, for sure. Of course I take the picture. I'm handing the phone back and the guy's like, wait, are you Blake from Workaholics? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am. I'm actually here. I'm filming something here in Atlanta. And he'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am. I'm actually here, I'm filming something here in Atlanta.

And he's like, yeah, yeah, I could tell because you have makeup on your face. And I'm like, no, no, I don't have any makeup on. He's like, oh, yeah, you do have makeup on. You're covered in makeup and glitter and you're wearing lipstick though. Yeah, and I'm like, no, I'm not wearing any makeup. We actually haven't started filming yet.

And he's like, oh, okay, so you're here alone. I'm like, no, I'm not wearing any makeup. We actually haven't started filming yet. And he's like, oh, okay, so you're here alone. I'm like, no, my cast is right over there. He's like, hey, don't worry about it, dude. I'll keep it on the DL. I'm like, you don't have to keep it on the DL. Yeah, I feel like this is his running bit with everybody he runs into. He assumes or knows from the internet it's straight

and it's just like, okay, you're gay. I got your secret right here. It's all good. It was so weird. So I go over to the other cast members of Woke. I'm like, this dude just told me that I got your secret right here. It's all good. It was so weird, so I go over to the other cast members of Woke, I'm like, this dude just told me that I'm wearing makeup, what's going on? And they're like, dude, you look fucking insane.

The whole place is like lit with black lights, and I guess the moisturizer I use has SPF in it, and it was picking up with the black light, so my face looked like it was glowing, like I was wearing glowing white face or like I was like one of the neon gang members from Batman Forever, if you get that reference. It was like, I looked insane.

I looked absolutely. Or like a background actor from Belly. Exactly. I thought you were saying like, like one of these guys got a little too close and like you rubbed your face against his butt cheek or something and you got some butt cheek makeup on your face or something. That's where I thought it was going.

Those are my favorite pictures. We're like at a club, like a black dude will have been dancing with a white girl with like crazy makeup on her face. And when he comes away, it's like on his neck. Oh yeah. Perfect. He's like on his neck. Oh yeah. Perfect. He's like, oops. Dude, but Lamorne took a video of me.

You guys have to see it because I look so crazy. I was so lucky that it wasn't just like a club club and it was like drag night because people go all out and like they show up in wild ass shit. Like they'll just have fucking just some leather. So people just thought like oh look at look at him He just decided to put on some some fun white face, and that's not racist cuz he is white He can do that right didn't do anything else, but did that weird that he did that and he wore that fun wig

They're like he's here on the DL He's here on the DL, but he completely like makeuped himself out. I wonder if he's getting on stage. That'd be tight. I think it's a nice little shout out though for everyone out there who uses moisturizer like Blake does that steer clear from from black lights because apparently you'll glow. So then we go to this converse like giveaway thing and it's set up in like a house or something right do you guys remember this they had like an American flag made out of white and blue shoes yes to very cute cute installment there's two bathrooms one has a line and I'm like I'm gonna shit my pants the other one has no line right

so I go in that one it's just got a toilet and I'm like well I'll go I'll take a piss cuz we were just slamming beers so toilet, and I'm like, well, I'll take a piss, because we were just slamming beers. So I piss, and while I'm pissing, I just shit my underwear, right? Oh. And so, it's just a toilet. There's not even a sink in there. There's not even a garbage can, right?

And I'm like. I'm laughing extra hard, because I know out of the four of us, Ders would be the funniest to have this situation happen to And it's like no, it's like 95 degrees and I'm like, okay so I get my underwear off and I just bunch them up in my hand and then I go and I like Stam to Isaac. I go snow. Yeah toss my manager. I say manage this I go, yeah, I toss my manager, I say, manage this. Manage my ass.

And then, or maybe I kept them on. Fuck, I don't know. But I go and stand in the other line for the other bathroom because I see that it's got like full everything in there. And then I get in there. Drunks, peanut butter. Get the underwear off, bury it under like all the paper towels that are there,

wash my hands and get the fuck out of there. And then I was just free balling it for the rest of the day. Fully chafing, you know, no thigh gap here, so. Good job, sounds like you handled it like a pro. It sounds like you MacGyvered your diarrhea, well done. I mean, we're all definitely dumb in our own ways. I wouldn't say we're dumb people, like in general, in the grand scheme of life, I wouldn't say any of us are actually dumb people.

But we're definitely dumb in our own specific certain ways. Yeah. Do you think we're smart with our powers combined, the four of us. Okay. Do you think we're smarter? Like our, our smart powers combined are smarter than our dumb powers combined are dumb. Like are we collectively stupider than we are smart?

Yes. Is that or do you guys even understand what I'm saying? I do. I don't get it. No, I think. Goodbye. I think the reason that we work together as a group so well is that we're all the deficiencies what we're good at outweighs our deficiencies. And you're you're smart at the thing I'm dumb at, and I'm smart at the thing that you guys are dumb at, and vice versa.

Well said. Like, I'll be like, guys, what time is it? You'll tell me. And yeah, we're able to. Well said. Yeah, we're able to tell time. That's the only leg up I have on Durst. With the four of us combined, we can tell you the time, the month, and the day of the

week. But it takes a lot of work. Yeah, I don't know. No, I would say, I think the magic of us is how collectively stupid we are. That's why I love us guys. Come on. I'm Angie Martinez and on my podcast, I like to talk to everyone from hall of fame athletes to iconic musicians about getting real on some of the complications and challenges of

real life. I had the best dad and I had the best memories and the greatest experience. And that's all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the I heart radio app Apple podcast or whatever you get your podcast. borders and conquered the heart of America. Sonoro and iHeart's MyCultura Podcast Network present Nace una Leyenda. Chespirito. How did a Mexican writer become a symbol of global television? Listen to Nace una Leyenda. Chespirito in the iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you stream podcasts. Want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business? Then Butternomics is the podcast for you.

I'm your host, Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Butter ATL. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.