This Is Important - Ep 208: It's Giving Dippin Dots

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Today, this is what's important: Fuck boys, field of dreams, dippin dots, The Montana Boys, the teens aren’t working in LA, shorts season, & more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy inform...ation.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Since it was established in 1861, there have been 3,517 people awarded with the medal. I'm Malcolm Gladwell and our new podcast from Bushkin Industries and iHeart Media is about those heroes, what they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. We all know what that music means.
Starting point is 00:00:42 It's time for the Olympics in Paris. I'm Matt Rogers. And I'm Bowen Yang. And we're doing an Olympics podcast? Uh, yeah. We're hosting the Two Guys, Five Rings podcast. Watch every moment of the 2024 Paris Olympics beginning July 26th on NBC and Peacock. And for the first time, you can stream the 2024 Paris Games on the iHeartRadio app.
Starting point is 00:01:05 And listen to Two Guys Five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. From iHeart Podcasts comes Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? Featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie, Jonathan Freeman, Frankie Grande, Cheyenne Jackson, Robin de Jesus, and Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferries. Lick em, lick those toesies. Listen to Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? as part of the Outspoken Network on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:43 If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say? Brittany, Christina, Shirley Bassey, Tina, Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. Bruce Springsteen. This is Because the Boss Belongs to Us, a serious journalistic quest to get Bruce Springsteen recognized as the queer icon we know that he is. a talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important. I look like a fuck boy. Dude, have they ever made a feel the dreams porno?
Starting point is 00:02:33 I mean, I thought you'd say like I was dipping her dot, but you're like, I'm dipping my dot. Let's go. Punk rock, getting radical. We're back, we're back, we're back, we're back! Punk rock, getting radical. You need another four inches. Woo!
Starting point is 00:02:51 Oh my god, you guys. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Remix! Did you clap? Did you clap, Blake? What's up? The hood. We didn't hear you clap.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Did you clap? Yeah, I clapped. You just decided? Yeah. Oh, I didn't see you. I made it clap. Ch-ch-ch. Oh. Ch-ch? We didn't hear you clap. Did you clap? Yeah, I just decided. Yeah. Oh, I didn't see you. I made it clap.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Ch-ch-ch. Oh. Ch-ch-ch. I make it clap. Ch-ch-ch. Busta. Ch-ch-ch. Ch-ch-ch.
Starting point is 00:03:13 God, that's a banger. Oh my God. Busta Rhymes. Woo. Underrated, underrated. Busta Rhymes. Yeah. When you hear people talk about like best MCs of all time,
Starting point is 00:03:22 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, how is this dude not higher on the list? Busta Rhymes is amazing. Yeah, he's fucking amazing. He's amazing. His albums have a few skips, but his hits are absolutely timeless fire. I mean, I remember that music video of...
Starting point is 00:03:43 Put your hands where my eyes can see. Put your hands where my eyes can see.'t put your hands in my eyes can see Do if you want to put it we can put it with me. Yeah, it's all glow-in-the-dark and shit That shit was sick. I had to rap Busta rhymes in the movie the intern Okay, that I co-starred with Ders got to got to yeah, I was allowed to and she Nancy Myers the director. Yes. She was like gave gave me like a list of songs to choose from. That's cool. And I was like, oh, Buster Rhymes would be funny because it's such a hard song to rap.
Starting point is 00:04:13 If I nail it, it'll be funny. And then it fucking sucked because I just gave myself so much homework, dude. Right. Yeah, that's a really difficult- Like another song would have been probably just as funny. Like, I don't know, it didn't change the movie in any way. I don't even think it made it in. It did, it did. It's in the movie, it's in the movie.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Don't do that to him. Yeah, it's like a big scene in my play, so don't take that from me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's kind of the linchpin of the film. Yeah, you didn't see the movie, dude. Yes, I did, yes, I did. linchpin of the film. Yeah, you didn't see the movie dude. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I for sure saw the intern. I remember there's it's really funny because there's this whole scene where Robert De Niro has a boner and it made me crack up.
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah, and he's method too. He's method. He's method. He's like Nancy's like, are you ready? And he's like, no No, not yet. Not yet. Not yet. No, no. Give me a second. And then he would open up his drawstring and blow, just blow down towards it.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Right. Yeah, really that gets him going. Yeah. Ironically, that was on like kind of Adam's side of the movie. And then when I showed up, he had to like talk his boner down to get on set. Yeah, he was he's not supposed to have one Yeah, you know, he actually used the same method. Yeah, you hear him in his trailer going. It's too hard He was blowing down again, but like differently a hotter breath. Yeah
Starting point is 00:05:41 Exactly. Exactly and and you know, please, you know, like and subscribe. Take your, take your headsets off. I'd like to talk to Bob. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I said that. I'm so sorry. I said that Bob. No, he's for sure listening. Yeah. My, my headsets off. Go ahead. Yeah. Bob, I would like to give you a formal, uh, private apology. And then in a second, I'll give you a public apology. Guys, you can put the head votes back on.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Okay, and we're back. And Bob, I would like to give you a public apology. I got a feeling he said no. No. No. For sure, Bobby. Robert De Niro is listening to this while he's nursing his child right now.
Starting point is 00:06:24 So it feels really good. Okay, cool. Okay, all right, bye guys. So. For sure. For sure he is. He's nursing his child, isn't he? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Doesn't he have a newborn? Yeah, but men don't nurse, dude. Believe me, I made that mistake. That's right. They can, please don't. I made that mistake. It's not a mistake. Don't bow to them, dude.
Starting point is 00:06:44 You did fine by what you did. Jesus. Well, you know, it's, it was just a joke and they can't actually nurse. It's like a, just biologically. But if you let them suck long enough, something happens. It will happen. If you build it, they will come. That's what they say. If you suck it, they will come. Yes, points!
Starting point is 00:07:04 And that's points. And that's points, Blake. If you suck it, they will come. Yes points! And that's points and that's points Blake. If you suck it, they will come. That's points. That's pretty good. Dude, have they ever made a field of dreams porno? Yeah, if you suck it, they will come. Yeah. Of course. If that doesn't exist, we failed as a society. Would it be field of cream? Cream? Yes points! Adam, did you write this porno? Would it be field of creams? Yes, points. Adam, did you write this porno? This feels like everything's on deck for you, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:31 I'm flowing. Yeah, field of creams? It seems like Adam's got a memo pad that he wrote all this stuff on. Hey, feel the dreams. Worked my way to that here. That's real one to two. It's science Oh, by the way, I realized last episode I didn't I slipped in a word of the day you did and you guys did not
Starting point is 00:07:53 Get it. Would you guys like to guess where the last weeks was a word of the day was was a gank? It wasn't gank. It was not gank because that's from the day There's no way that that's that's just slang for sure. And I said it once and I know you guys didn't hear it and then I said it again towards the end of the podcast as Kyle was leaving, I said it and you guys didn't bat an eye, you guys just assumed that this is a word that rolls off my tongue, easy peasy, fresh and easy.
Starting point is 00:08:21 You are so dumb. To be fair, I think we're like kind of bored by the game. What was? Oh, I like it. I'm still learning. I'm a lifelong learner. What was it? What was it?
Starting point is 00:08:31 I do want to know. Oh, you're bored. I'm sorry, Ders. I'm sorry. I never mean to bore you. No, never bore Ders. Dude, that's one rule about Ders. Do not bore him.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Keep him entertained. Keep him entertained. He must be entertained entertained what was the word um was it was it no I have no idea it was clandestine clandestine oh shit you said that word I did yeah a couple times that's a comic book I think it it doesn't help that I'm not always listening what was the context that you said the word clandestine he said all right bye that you said the word clandestine? He said, all right, bye, we'll see you next clandestine.
Starting point is 00:09:08 You lose! Well, Kyle goes, I'm like, Kyle, you got a secret meaning to go to Kyle and his clandestine meanings. Oh. I didn't hear that at all. Oh, yeah. Me neither, that would have stuck out like a sore thumb. Because what do you mean the fuck is a clandestine?
Starting point is 00:09:24 I was the only one talking when I said it that second time. I said it earlier. And I was busy thinking about what I needed to say. What's clandestine? Clandestine. What's clandestine? You don't know what clandestine means? It means like a secret or like a to keep something.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Like a secret. Will you use it in a sentence? Like a secret society? Secret meaning. It was a perfect thing. I mean, here, I'll look up the pitch. That's interesting. Will you use it in a sentence like a secret society secret meaning it was it was a perfect uh a perfect thing i mean here i'll look at that interesting will you use it in a sentence clandestine describes something done in secretly or in a private place or way so a clandestine meaning is the perfect use of that word nice nailed it yes points hey thank you guys i thought i thought maybe you would get. I thought you'd be like, oh yeah, you said clandestine.
Starting point is 00:10:07 You fucking... Hey man, congrats dude. You got us. You fucking got us. Hey guys, field of creams. Field of creams. Yeah dude, this guy's a switch hitter. He can go both ways.
Starting point is 00:10:17 I love it. You're one for five, brother. You got us dude. I'm hyped on you. I got you dude. This is my new favorite thing in the pod. Field of creams. Do you have a new word today or are you retiring after that?
Starting point is 00:10:30 Are you like, yo it's over? No I'm gonna get one on deck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Don't worry. So in field of creams, is there just some chick fucking all these baseball ghosts? Like are they, there's corn in the po- like what? There's corn in the what? There's corn in the, like what, there's corn. Is it real? There's corn in the what?
Starting point is 00:10:45 Where's the corn? There's a lot of corn happening, right? I don't think I've actually seen that movie, Feel the Dreams. I'm gonna be honest. I don't think I've watched it front to back. Whoa, dude. It's kind of awesome.
Starting point is 00:10:57 What are you talking about? You never, you didn't when you were a kid, go to McDonald's. Yes. I did that. 20 piece McNuggets. Yes. And for $10 you were a kid go to McDonald's yes I did that 20 piece mcnugget yeah and for ten dollars more you could get the movie the VHS movie wait what wait what you didn't remember this that was the era yes and your mom goes and you're really bugging her to do it and
Starting point is 00:11:19 you have the last three times and then finally she just breaks down she's like you want the movie three times and then finally she just breaks down she's like you want the movie fine you get the movie you know i'm a child of the 90s you know i love all but the 90s what was this deal you could get like dances with wolves yes there was like three movies wait is it all kevin costner i think it might have been a costner it's a costner package yeah we got We got Dances with Wolves from McDonald's is all I remember. And we got Field of Dreams. Wait, wait, hold on. Explain the whole deal. What is it? They were $9.99. They were $9.99. I thought, I mean, I think, is that... I remember them being $9.99.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Yeah. If you bought Chicken Nuggets, you got... I'm so confused. Yeah, if you bought some sort of meal deal package, you could buy the movie for, I guess, $9.99. And then you grab the VHS, and then you go home, and you're like, this is dope, because it's a McDonald's version. No, it's just a movie. I don't even think it had any emblems of arches or anything. No, but it made you as a kid kind of like it more
Starting point is 00:12:26 because you got it from the Mickey D's. Okay, but what was even the deal? Did McDonald's have a deal with Miramax? Did Kevin Cost like- Is that what you want it to be? Miramax? Why would- Because you're Harvey Weinstein guy,
Starting point is 00:12:41 you're a big Harvey guy. No, I'm just, did Harvey walk into McDonald's? Harvey Weinstein guy, your big Harvey guy? No, I'm just, did Harvey walk into a McDonald's? Harvey Weinstein was the purple, what's the purple guy, Grimace? Grimace, yeah, Grimace. He sexually assaulted Grimace. Oh, quote. He butt fucked a Hamburglar
Starting point is 00:12:56 and got a deal at McDonald's. He got hand jobs from the Fry Guys. Toasty. Yeah, can you get Batman? I either got Batman from McDonald's or from our grocery store. Okay, so maybe this is a Warner Brothers deal. And remember the cool Batman cups and stuff that they used to have?
Starting point is 00:13:12 Yes, but this is way different. The Batman Forever, that's what it was. I got Batman Forever, I believe. Of course. From McDonald's with the craziest cup that had the penguin on it. Well, everybody knows the craziest cups ever was Taco Bell. When the Phantom Menace came out, did you ever have the Darth Maul Cup? That shit was fire.
Starting point is 00:13:31 No, nerd. Dude, everybody have like seven of those. Nerd. Dude, Darth Maul, we were like in eighth, ninth grade. Dude, just fuck you, dude. That's prime Darth Maul age. Adam was at the regular mall, not Darth Maul. Yeah, I was at the mall trying to talk to girls homie.
Starting point is 00:13:52 You were collecting cups still? No, dude, every time you went to, even if you didn't want it, if you went to Taco Bell, they would just throw fucking Darth Maul cups at you dude. So many of them bro I'm looking at the Coca-Cola McDonald's Batman returns penguin plastic cup right now. It's fire my fucking Brain is melting. They used to give you so much cool free shit It was out of this world dude, and that's why McDonald's has fallen off They forgot that children want cool free stuff go on I mean the fact that they don't have a deal with Marvel and they're just like giving you Iron Man. It's crazy. It's giving. Hold up. It's giving Iron Man.
Starting point is 00:14:33 It's giving Iron Man. I'm lost. Before the podcast I don't even know if he said it. And I'll tell Chloe this, my wife, I'll tell her. I'm not afraid of her. Okay? No matter what. No matter how I act around her I'm not afraid of her. Is it real? Sounds like it. But the one thing that does bug me about her is she will say, it's giving. Like that's a Gen Z thing. It's giving this, it's giving that, and she'll say that a lot, and it does bug me. And I've told her that it bugs me and she goes I like it. I like doing it It's fun for me and I'm like well, I think this could lead to divorce or what do you think?
Starting point is 00:15:10 She's like it's giving divorce. It's giving divorce. It's giving I'm leaving you and by the way, is that proper usage? I've never heard this in my life. Yeah, I know Ders as a Gen Xer basically. Oh my God. It's giving Ders is too old to understand what this is. I like alternative rock and roll. Yeah, that was the right, it's giving divorce. That is the right usage of... Yeah, it was actually perfect. It was crazy.
Starting point is 00:15:39 I don't like it either. Yeah. I have to put this dark mall cup in the chat because if you guys don't... Wait, how do I even access the chat? I was just gonna say you act like you know how to click it in there. No, I'm getting here. It's giving. No, I'm getting in here. Let me give. You've never seen this Dark Mall cup. It's giving... Dark Mall. It's giving Blake was too old to collect cups. Vibes. Wait, so they just are skipping the word vibes essentially,
Starting point is 00:16:09 Adam? That's what the giving thing is? You guys see this? Because, come on bro. Yeah, this cup is kinda dope. But what is laying next to it? It's like this is also like a little dildo? Like what the fuck is that?
Starting point is 00:16:23 You have to suck his dick that straw How do I put this picture in the fucking chat The guys learn how to how to zoom cut and paste. This is cool copy image I think that's a pod racer. I think that's his little or his little like motorcycle. Well Blake I was specifically talking this is literally like motorcycle well Blake I was specifically talking this is literally 1999 this is my shit oh yeah here we go we got a code no redirect notice I was talking the real 90s the 93s 94s you know when we were children mid 90s yeah well I mean we all mature at different ages, look at this Michael Keaton fucking dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer Cup. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:08 Well, I don't know if this is should it just should it devolve into us looking at photos of cups? Yeah, those are tight. Those are tight cups. I do like to. I don't know. I feel like our conversation is giving it's giving boring podcast. This is important vibes. Let's go listen to something else. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:26 I will say it is crazy talking to Jen's ears. My assistant, Michelle, she's great. She's dope. Can't buy a lighter to save her life, but she is 26 years old. She's 26 years old. So the other day I was like, we were going me and Danny McBride and a few of the writers. We're going to go see David Spade. He's in town. OK.
Starting point is 00:17:47 You know, I know David a little bit. The writers know David. Danny's excited to go see David. So we're going to go see David. Good night. Michelle's like, what are you doing tonight? And I'm like, I'm going to go see David Spade. And she's like, who?
Starting point is 00:17:59 And I'm like, oh, and she goes, I don't know who that is. And I go, you don't know David Spade is. And she's like, I literallyade. And she goes, I don't know who that is. And I go, you don't know who David Spade is? And she's like, I literally have never heard that name before. Is he like a musician? I'm like, he's a comedian. That's crazy. He plays the microphone. There it is.
Starting point is 00:18:17 Nice. She's like, what movies? And I go, well, Tommy Boy. Yeah. Oh, boy. She does not know that movie. Does not know Tommy Boy, even a little bit. That's crazy. Even a little bit, dude. And I was like, boy. She doesn't she does not know that movie does not know Tommy boy even a little bit That's crazy even a little bit dude, and I was like oh, I I officially feel old
Starting point is 00:18:31 Right now yeah, because I would Absolutely put Tommy boy in one of my top ten funniest movies or at least most formative absolutely no problem Mm-hmm like that was like in a huge movie to me huge Oh for I haven't rewatched it in a while, but I guarantee it's still pretty funny, right? Oh very funny I mean very formulaic but I don't mind that as long as the Characters are being funny in the formulaic movie. I personally don't mind that does not matter. It's all good Yeah, you know it even helps actually yeah sometimes. Does not matter. It's all good. Yeah. You know, it even helps actually.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Right. It's pretty simple. That's what people like shit on the outlaws and like, it's a little formulaic. And I'm like, yeah, correct. What do you want it to be? Do you want to be like solving a fucking riddle? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:19 It doesn't matter. Yeah. We were just trying to be funny. We were just trying to be funny in it and it's a, yeah. Yeah. So it really, it kind of kind of it took it took me back and then and then I was like going through like bands That I that she just doesn't know I I don't know I well, this is a deep cut I posted the other day that LFO I like girls that wear ever crombie and bein' Fitch, that dumbass song.
Starting point is 00:19:45 Yeah, the first dance of my wedding. You don't have to shit on it. We know you love it, bro. Don't shit on your homies. No, I do. Why? I do. I, like, loved making fun of it back in the day.
Starting point is 00:19:54 It's giving denial. No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I love it. I didn't. I didn't fart. No, I was making fun of that song, I posted, I saw like a thing on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:20:07 So I posted the video of them singing summer girls. Yeah. And then I wrote, this is our generation's Montana boys. You know, those tick tock guys that just like wear cowboy hats and like are sexy. Yeah, they really make me laugh. Oh, yes. That's not a band because I was like, oh, yes. That's that's not a band. Because I was like, oh, I guess Montana boys is like a fucking
Starting point is 00:20:27 band. No, they're just like a group of like good looking thick cocked young men that wear cowboy hats and like kind of squint and look sexy at the camera. And they're like very successful on the Internet because of it. And one of them is dating Kristen Cavalieri from like Laguna Beach. Oh nice, sure. So that's cool, that's cool for them. I think she was the computer wallpaper back in the day.
Starting point is 00:20:50 Perfect, she's like our age and this kid is like 22. So you know, that's pretty tight for her. Good for them, go Montana boys. And she was like, I have no idea, I know who the Montana boys are, but I've never heard this song in my life. I think that's fair. That one's fair. It's a one hit. One hit. It's like a one hit wonder. Yeah. If she had never heard of in sync,
Starting point is 00:21:10 then I'd be like, okay, that would be worrisome. Well, dude, that was the, the, what happened with the cop that pulled over Justin Timberlake. Yeah, that's true. Damn. So the cop pulled him over for a DUI. Yeah, and didn't recognize Justin Timberlake He's saying I'm Justin Timberlake. Yeah, he's like, okay that really fucks up my whole plan if I get pulled They don't know who Justin Timberlake is. No, that's why you can't do it. You can't tell you got a uber brother You got to you got a uber I'm drunk now if Justin Timberlake gets pulled over and he can't get out of it, oh, bro.
Starting point is 00:21:48 Oh, yeah. I think that the move is, don't say, do you know who I am? You just start working titles of things you've been in into sentences. Fuck it, just start dancing. You know, like, I know it's been a long week. I'm kind of a workaholic and...
Starting point is 00:22:03 Yeah, but I have to poo. I feel... Look, I'm not an intern anymore. I'm not of a workaholic and yeah but I have to poo I feel like I'm not I'm not an intern anymore I'm not an intern look but look is it is it monarch legacy of monsters situation is that a monarch butterfly I was driving in a goddamn monarch butterfly at the windshield and freaked me out oh no man but if we don't get this over soon It's starting to kind of be loose but oh, I got to take a shit brother. Just let me know how long this is gonna take Okay, you're not saying titles anymore, but yeah Cuz he's not he's not biting so look I'm not an outlaw. I'm just driving drunk. Okay. I'm just driving drunk
Starting point is 00:22:41 I'm not look. I'm not an outlaw at least. I'm not high on dope What's that over there? Is it cake? You're nailing it now get the format that took me so long to even understand what the hell is it cake Is this a car is it cake I'm not drunk He's like this guy Or is it cake? I'm not drunk. He's like, this guy's fucking hammered. Holy shit, bro. This guy's fucking wasted, dude.
Starting point is 00:23:09 Your body cam footage is just you thinking things are cake. And you lie going, no, I was trying to let him know I was on the show. Nobody believes you. Is your gun cake? Don't judge them. It's just me getting shot by a cop. Oh man, I was on my way to a wedding. My buddies Mike and Dave need wedding dates. No, not a main. Is that Gun Cake?
Starting point is 00:23:34 Sorry, I was driving and I was reading the what is the fucking guide to the zombie apocalypse? What was the name of that movie? What was that movie that you were in? Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. I was just reading the Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse. Lost track of the road. Is that, is your gun cake?
Starting point is 00:23:50 Is your gun cake? Is that baton cake? He's hitting you with the baton. Is that cake? Is that baton cake? Don't feel like cake. It don't feel like cake. That's a strong cake.
Starting point is 00:24:04 Get up and come down with the sickness. Oh My god, that made my tummy hurt. Hey, sorry. I missed that traffic light Yeah, you're see that episode. You're definitely on IMDB right now. Yeah when we first met Just a few minutes ago. I wasn't drunk, right? So you are now look man I understand you caught me it's game over man it's game over man you caught me Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States, awarded for gallantry and bravery in combat at the risk of life above and beyond the call of duty.
Starting point is 00:24:54 Since it was established in 1861, there have been 3,517 people awarded with the medal. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, and our new podcast from Pushkin Industries and I Heart Media is about those heroes. What they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Without him and the leadership that he exhibited in bringing those boats in and assembling them
Starting point is 00:25:23 to begin with and bringing them in saved a hell of a lot of lives, including my own. Listen to Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Do, do, do, do, do, do. We all know what that music means. Is somebody getting coronated? No, it's time for the Olympics in Paris.
Starting point is 00:25:57 The opening ceremony for the 2024 Paris Games is coming on July 26th. Who are these athletes? When are the games they're playing? We may be looking for the sports experts to answer those questions, but we're not that. Well, what are we? We're Two Guys. I'm Matt Rogers.
Starting point is 00:26:16 And I'm Bowen Yang. And we're doing an Olympics podcast? Uh, yeah. We're hosting the Two Guys Five Rings podcast. You get the two guys, five rings podcast. You get the two guys us to start every podcast. Then the five rings come after. Watch every moment of this 2024 Paris Olympics beginning July 26th on NBC and Peacock. And for the first time,
Starting point is 00:26:37 you can stream the 2024 Paris games on the iHeartRadio app and listen to two guys, five rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's the hardest question you've ever asked your mom? Mom, what happened to your sister Margarita? For me, it's about a murder that's haunted my family for decades. They said that they took her, and the next day she was already dead. To find the answers, I went to the place where my family is from, El Salvador,
Starting point is 00:27:12 and found that the story starts with a priest who was killed on the altar and sparked a war. I'm Jasmine Romero, and on Sacred Scandal Nation of Saints, join me as we uncover an unholy war, one that includes government cover-ups and politicians turn death squad leaders. But I'll also tell you the story of one family, mine, because on this journey, I found out that we had more secrets than I knew.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Listen to Sacred Scandal Nation of Saints as part of the MyCultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. From the writer of Amazon Prime's Red, White, and Royal Blue comes a hilarious and demented new audio mystery, Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? Master Vandy is dead! Then it's probable that whoever killed Vandy is in this very room. Lock her up. Lock her up.
Starting point is 00:28:10 You killed your daddy. You don't get anything fizzy. 911, what's your emergency? I'm in the Monroe estate, and I just caught a murderer. Yes, I'll hold. Featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie, Jonathan Freeman, Douglas Sills, Cheyenne Jackson, Robyn Day Jesus, Frankie Grande, Sean Patrick Doyle, Brad Oscar, Nathan Lee
Starting point is 00:28:31 Graham, Seth Rudetsky, Leah Delaria, Lea Salonga, and Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferri. Listen to Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? as part of the Outspoken Network on the iHeart is like, yeah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Like what are you talking about? And then he goes the world tour So he was doing it yeah a little bit he didn't say I'm just I tried from in sync right Yeah, and then did you see the videos afterwards? And I think it was like proven that it wasn't like yeah Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about that. It wasn't him in the concert, but he looked so strung out
Starting point is 00:29:22 It was him like singing in a concert. Yeah. And his eyes just look bloodshot to hell. He seems cool, man. Now I'm like kind of in on JT now. I know. I'm kind of like, I want to party with Justin Timberlake a little bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Yeah. I always liked this solo stuff, but now I'm like, maybe we got to go golfing with this bro. He seems cool, dude. Yeah. Yeah. He's your guy. Yeah. I can't physically golf, with this bro. He seems cool, dude. Yeah. Yeah, he's your guy. I can't physically golf, but yeah,
Starting point is 00:29:47 I wanna drink with him for sure. I can't even drink that much anymore, fuck. Whatever. I just wanna do drugs with him. Yeah, you can rake the sand traps. Yeah, you could drive the golf cart. That's cool. Yeah, that's fun.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Yeah, hand you guys beers. Yeah, my life's pretty sick. Yeah, man. Have you guys seen or done those like stand-up surfboard skateboard looking things that like you put your clubs on the hell? I'm talking about you guys done. It's giving old manders It's like It's like an off-road fucking skateboard that you put your clubs on the front of and then you like zoom around the course That sounds so dumb.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Is that real, Bam? Yeah. Hello! Oh, that sounds kind of fun. If any of the producers are listening, can you just put that in the chat, please? It looks next level, but I'm like, if you're not in your 20s or under 35,
Starting point is 00:30:39 you're gonna eat shit and die doing this thing. Is it real? Yeah, dude, it's gonna be really funny to see like just a bunch of just John Daly looking motherfuckers just black out and drunk on a course just eating shit. What a legend though. John Daly's gotta be the coolest professional athlete of all time, right? That guy is fucking sick as hell.
Starting point is 00:30:58 I wonder. That's your guy? I wonder if he is or if he's just like your drunk racist uncle. Is he? Is he racist? I wonder how cool he actually is. Is he racist? I don't know. He seems like... I think he's cool. I think he's actually cool.
Starting point is 00:31:11 I feel like he's cool. I think he's dumb. I think he gets it. There might be like one or two races he doesn't fuck with, but he's cool with the rest. Yeah. He's racist only to a couple... the biggest ones probably. Oh man, we don't like that. I was hoping he was like a niche racism, like he had a couple run-ins. And by the way, I don't know, and maybe he is cool.
Starting point is 00:31:33 I thought he like really doesn't like Icelandic people, which I'm like down for. Oh shit, and then Durs is kinda... He's not from Iceland, he's from Norway, that's different. No, but Bjork comes after him. Those are the Icelandic countries, right? Icelandic...
Starting point is 00:31:48 No, that's Scandinavian, I think, is what you're... Oh, really? That's a different thing? Ah, fuck if I know I'm racist towards him. You're giving Never Traveled. Hold up. Yeah, no, Dirt. Dude, this thing is actually so sick,
Starting point is 00:32:03 and the fact that you don't have golf boards. Okay. Everybody, TII Nation, go to www.golfboard.com. Golfboard.com. We don't. We're not affiliated. We don't own these. I've never seen them, nor do I really golf, but I want one delivered to my house
Starting point is 00:32:23 and my wife is gonna see it and go that's giving divorce Because it's fucking huge dude. This is how I want to like pick my kid up from school It looks like they're kite surfing. This is giving divorce. It's science. So it's a full-on little Motorcycle like a oh, yeah, cuz it's bigger than a lime scooter. It's like a proper off-road vehicle Huge yeah, it's four wheels. It's four wheels. It's fucking huge. Yeah, so yeah golf board Dot-com feel free to send us a gaggle of these I want a golf board Yeah, I will take this down the freeway the 405 now Is it safe to strap my child to my chest
Starting point is 00:33:06 and take the golf board? There's no doubt, there's no doubt in my mind. Sweetie, I'm gonna go to Chick-fil-A, I'm hoppin' on the golf board, give me both. This one has a cooler, this one has a cooler on the back. Dude, these are sick. Yeah, those are sick. Good, good pull there, Dersie, good pull.
Starting point is 00:33:21 Really good. Yes, points! Run your errands? And are people really doing this though? See, when you said, have you seen these, where have you seen these? Because I've never even- Yeah, who's writing this?
Starting point is 00:33:33 This seems like a deep cut. Yeah. I've never heard of this. I just feel like Instagram, they think they know me and they're like, hey honky here. Yeah. And they send me videos of this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:44 So you've been looking at a lot of golf stuff lately, and this started to pop up. Are you starting to dabble into golf there, Jersey? Is that what's happening? Your honkiness is finally... Yeah. It's finally come out. No, I can't. It takes too long.
Starting point is 00:34:00 It's just like... It does. It takes a long time. I cannot enjoy something that takes that long. I like playing nine. I took my kids to do some putt putt this weekend. That's around the corner. Putt putt goes fucking hard, bro. They had a mental breakdown.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Naked grandma. Yeah. Why isn't putt putt had a real resurgence? I feel like I don't know what needs to to really come back. That was literally all my family would do for like something fun. Like that was it. Like if we were like, yo, what do you guys wanna do?
Starting point is 00:34:32 It's like, we're gonna go to miniature golf. And how about the last hole where you hit it in the thing and it goes away? Get a free game. So good. Get a free game. Isn't that the best? It's the best.
Starting point is 00:34:42 Well, you'd pocket the ball and just go again. Of course, but it was. No, I did not do that. That seems a little bit fucking wack, brother. It's not wack. That's just being a teenager and you don't have the money to play for. Maybe that's why every putt-putt golf is closed now because... Yeah, so is like you....you guys would just loop back around and do all three courses. You're supposed to pay every time my girlfriend in high school worked at the dip and dots in the middle of the putt putt course It's science. It was the fucking best dude So you'd be putt putt and then stop to the dip and dot
Starting point is 00:35:19 Hut in the middle of the course that she just fucking stood there all day and on rail. Served up some space ice cream. How good are Dippin' Dots though? Are they good? Oh they're so good. Yeah, Dippin' Dots rock. They're delicious right? No.
Starting point is 00:35:33 It's the ice cream of the future? It was the ice cream of the future. Didn't catch on. They're usually not good, but it's such a rush to eat them. Honestly. They don't taste good. No, they're disgusting. They're very watery. They're disgusting. disgusting yeah I thought they're pretty good from
Starting point is 00:35:48 what I remember they're pretty good no dude they're bad oh my god that's because after you got the dipping dots you knew you were getting a little more after that I was dipping my dot okay young love it's, your dick's a dot. I'm pissed now. It's giving a dot. Bullet. Your dick. I mean, I thought you'd say like I was dipping her dot, but you're like, I'm dipping my dot.
Starting point is 00:36:16 Yeah. Huh. Your dick is giving dot, bro. It's giving a dot. Yeah, she worked in the middle of this of the pupa and it overlooked the parking lot where I would buy my weed and she did not like me smoking weed. It was a little bone of contention that we had throwing your life away. Yeah, totally.
Starting point is 00:36:36 That sucks. Smoke weed every day. I remember one time specifically she texts me and she's like, are you buying weed right now? And I look up and she's just in her little Dippin' Dots outfit, just like against the chain link fence, watching me like, buy drugs. Yeah. I'm not touching your dots tonight.
Starting point is 00:36:58 What's the end of that story? That was it. That was it. She caught me. Well, then he roasted a bowl and she said, fine, you can have Dippin' Dots. Fine, you can have it. That was it. She caught me. Well, then he roasted a bowl and she said, fine, you can have dipping dots. Fine, you can have it. So Blake, did you think that was gonna be a good ending
Starting point is 00:37:10 to the story? What? It was not my story, man. Dude, don't help him out. He's a killer. He's a killer. How many flavors did dipping dots even have? They had a bunch of flavors, dude. They got all kinds of flavors.
Starting point is 00:37:23 I feel like there wasn't that many. Yeah, I think they had a dozen. I feel like, don't what it why is this shitting on dipping dots? I think it's a huge childhood story look dipping dots because I'm trying to remember What was the point of dipping dots other than like little children? Are you out of your mind? What was the point? It was a you're the one who's what go go off King. They were dots of ice cream. It was weird and crazy I know but the flavors were ass. No, they weren't well. I don't know the flavors were ass I think that the quality was butthole. It was all butthole ass doo-doo. Okay. I think you guys are it hang on But there's like short strawberry shortcake. There was like yeah, there's a lot of good flavors
Starting point is 00:38:02 I feel like maybe you guys got Bad batches or maybe as time went on one batch the bat They got it got worse of course of course quality got worse, but I'm telling you My girl that worked in the dip and dot stand in the middle of the pop-up course Her batches were on course. Her batches were on paint. Okay. Okay. So you're claiming you had the hottest Dippin' Dots in the country. Like where was Dippin' Dots discovered? Who? I don't know. Like in a lake. It's like. I feel like it was a Six Flags situation for me. Water parks and Six Flags. I don't know if they're like discovered or not. It wasn't like they like they're in the Amazon
Starting point is 00:38:44 jungle and moved a bunch of branches out of the way. And they're like, oh, you don't know that. Only shit. I don't know that. Look at this cave. It's filled with dipping dots. Which founded in Pada. Ka.
Starting point is 00:38:56 Kentucky. How the fuck? Paducah. Paducah. Paducah. Yeah. That is in the middle of nowhere. Kentucky in 1988. Paducah. Wow. That is in the middle of nowhere, Kentucky in 1988.
Starting point is 00:39:05 Paducah. Wow. It started in his parents' garage. What the hell? Oh yeah, you know it tastes good. It was originally invented as cow feed when Jones, who specialized in cryogenics, was trying to make efficient fodder for farm animals.
Starting point is 00:39:20 How are they gonna make the fucking Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie and we don't got a Dippin' Dots movie? This is interesting. Yeah. This is really interesting. By the way, you watch the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie? Not at all. Don't even know where to see it.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Kinda good. Hulu. Hulu, yeah. Not bad. Wow. Yeah, in 2011 they filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy and they are fully foreclosed. Wait, Dippin' Dots? they're- Dippin' Dots? Yeah. Oh yeah, Dippin' Dots is gone, dude. That shit is bad. But I'm sorry, I've had Dippin' Dots in the last 10 years.
Starting point is 00:39:52 You're fucking disaster, my guy. So in 2022, JJ Snack Foods Corporation announced that it was going to acquire Dippin' Dots for $222 million. Dang, that's a come up. Yeah, that's pretty good. They overpaid on that. That's crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Don Cade! Yeah. What would you pay for Dippin' Dots? You lose! Fitty? What would I pay for the whole company? Fitty mill? What would I pay?
Starting point is 00:40:18 Nothing. But they have the vending machines of it. No, what you gotta do... Here we go. ...is you don't buy Dippin' Dots. Well, you do buy Dippin' Dots, but that's not your main investment. Your main investment is bringing back putt-putt golf, and then you get a cute high school girl to be in the middle of the putt-putt course. Because it's cute, and it's family-friendly entertainment, and that's what we're bringing back here on This Is Important.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Right. It sounds like a plan to just wrangle a bunch of high school girls, Adam. I don't know. Yeah. What the WTF? You get the high school girls. You get the cute high school girls. So, yeah, the way I see Dippin' Dots is mostly with high school girls. So you start with one high school girl. I disagree. Yeah, I think it should be a 35 year old man in the middle of the golf course. It's overseen.
Starting point is 00:41:09 I do think that Adam's plan does not work at all unless there is just a high school girl in the middle of a putt putt. Kind of has to be a high school girl. Which is a cornerstone of, of consumerism. Summer job. Yeah. In, in California, you don't see a lot of high school kids working. You don't see them working.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Okay. I'm pissed now! And it bugs me. Go off. Where are you not seeing them? Where would you see them? In Newport Beach, you just don't see them. You don't see them.
Starting point is 00:41:40 They're not hostess. Wait, wait. Who's working at fucking Yogurtland? It's not a grown man. Yeah, they are. Really? They're not hostesses. Wait, wait, who's working at fucking Yogurtland? It's not a grown man. Yeah, they are. Really? They're grown people, yes. In Newport Beach, those kids are?
Starting point is 00:41:52 They're adults. They're adults working. What the hell? Yes, and in LA, they're adults working. That's crazy. I know where you're coming from. That's what I'm saying is in Charleston, you go, you see teenagers working everywhere everywhere and it's dope.
Starting point is 00:42:05 It's kind of cool. It's like, yeah, it's your first job. You should learn how to bus a table and, and be the host or hostess. And you know, you don't give them any real responsibility, right? But it's kind of cool to see teenagers have jobs when in LA, you just don't see that. Is there anything better than like a fucking stone, stupid hostess or host who's like taking you to it's like, when you, when you see it, you're just, you, you, you're like, okay, it's fine. You're a stupid dumb ass. I love it. It takes you back to, I was just telling Chloe this, the, the Publix grocery store down the street from here in Charleston.
Starting point is 00:42:43 I'm like, it's either people that have Down syndrome, a lot of people with Down syndrome. Doing what? People. Hosting? No, working the grocery store, working at the grocery store. Sure, yes, yes, yes. It was a lot of Down syndrome people.
Starting point is 00:42:57 Like probably five or six. And I was like, that seems like a lot. A hoard, that's a hoard. People with physical deformities. Yessir. Yeah. Physical deformities. A lot of them.
Starting point is 00:43:10 I would say I counted probably three or four. That's a troop. You just described. And then the most stoned teenagers you've ever seen. You've ever seen, dude. And I was like, oh, that was me at my grocery store that I worked at. I love it. Just wildly stoned. Bro just walked into the set of X-Men.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Dude! It was wild. I was like, well, I also was a little high. So you know when you're a little high, you're clocking, you're clocking everything a little... Too much. Little too much. Yeah. The walls start to kind of close in on you a little bit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. I smoke enough that they don't, man. They open up. Watching them interact with like people, it's just like maybe they're shy and stupid
Starting point is 00:43:56 or both or whatever. But it's just always like, all right, cool. Like you're you're you're starting. This is it. Yeah, this is it. You're entering the workforce And I'm I'm never rude or mean like I'm taking it easy. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, we'll we'll need menus Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're gonna need menus. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're trying the damnedest and yeah water we do want water Yeah, yeah water's great. Yeah, there's where there's one girl that works at this grocery store here that she'll she smiles
Starting point is 00:44:26 But it's so brief the smile comes and goes in a millisecond. It's like Yeah, and then she won't look at you. You're like, hey, how are you doing? I see her all the time I'm at this grocery store constantly. Yeah, and I'm like, hey, are you an intern? How are you doing? And she's like Is it cake is it cake I'm I haven't been in a lot. I'm working too much. I guess someone say I'm a workaholic And then she just goes Just blips you and then I just go I was the star of pitch perfect. Yeah, she's like I just go I was the star of pitch perfect
Starting point is 00:45:11 Do you love him the fastest smile dang wonder what her deal is maybe she'll open up eventually Blake were you this person at the movie theater? I know I was I know I could see Blake being like hey How are you on top of this shit? No, I was not no I was not today I'm dressed as ace Finchero when nature calls No, I'm not an extrovert at all you guys know that about me Yeah, but when you're on a good one you are well I wasn't drinking back in high school, and I know you were all hopped up on soda and sugar You're back there. You know eating a little sugar. Yeah, you hit your stride every once a while Yeah, I know you were I actually I was a host of a restaurant at BJ's.
Starting point is 00:45:47 I used to like see people. Hey, but Blake, that's when you were 22 years old. Yeah, you were a fully formed man. Yeah, I was in college. We're talking 16, 17 years old. Yeah, we're talking. But it was a really hard job, and I don't like you guys talking shit about hosts.
Starting point is 00:46:02 It's really hard. We're not talking shit. We're saying that I wanna see more teenagers. It's really hard. We're not talking shit. We're saying that I want to see more teenagers. It's not hard. You literally go how many in your party? Four, okay. You grab four menus. Right this way.
Starting point is 00:46:13 No, no, no, no, no, no. What you guys aren't understanding is the politics of the restaurant. A lot of times the servers come up to you and they say, do not seat them in my section. Or they say, like, if you seat another person in Megan's section, I'm gonna come over here and beat the fuck out of you man it's like really it's a dog eat dog world out there because it's for tips oh so I'm
Starting point is 00:46:31 mistaken all these people had death threats and that's yeah I'm terrified dude it's crazy yeah I didn't know it's crazy and also I think Blake's making that up I'm not dude I'm not the servers really are very aggressive because they're working for tips I think Blake was making some death threats. I wasn't I was really nice guy, dude I was really nice guy you went Hollywood there Why are you saying that in past tense like you were really nice well because what happens is now? Bro, yeah
Starting point is 00:47:03 Blake's kind of off the board this episode, huh? Yeah, and when he goes to find it, it takes so long too. Oh yeah, the bitch! Hey, in post, can we just shorten up the edits of the amount of time it takes Blake? Sorry, dude. We're like, hey, he's Hollywood. And then you see him look off for like 15 seconds. Fuck it! It's hard, it's hard. Dude, it's a really hard job being the board guy and then talking to you guys is really hard.
Starting point is 00:47:30 Well, I'm glad you do it because I wouldn't want to do it, so I'm glad you do it. Thank you. You guys keep me on my toes. The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States, awarded for gallantry and bravery in combat at the risk of life above and beyond the call of duty. Since it was established in 1861, there have been 3,517 people awarded with the medal. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, and our new podcast from Pushkin Industries and I Heart Media is about those heroes.
Starting point is 00:48:08 What they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Without him and the leadership that he exhibited in bringing those boats in and assembling them to begin with and bringing them in, it saved a hell of a lot of lives, including my own. Listen to Medal of Honor Stories of Courage on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:48:33 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. We all know what that music means. Is somebody getting coronated? No, it's time for the Olympics in Paris. The opening ceremony for the 2024 Paris Games is coming on July 26th. Who are these athletes? When are the games they're playing? You may be looking for the sports experts to answer those questions, but we're not that.
Starting point is 00:49:11 Well, what are we? We're Two Guys. I'm Matt Rogers. And I'm Bowen Yang. And we're doing an Olympics podcast? Yeah. We're hosting the Two Guys Five Rings podcast. You get the two guys, us, to start every podcast, then the five rings come after.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Watch every moment of the 2024 Paris Olympics beginning July 26th on NBC and Peacock. And for the first time, you can stream the 2024 Paris games on the iHeartRadio app. And listen to Two Guys, Five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's the hardest question you've ever asked your mom? Mom, what happened to your sister Margarita? For me, it's about a murder that's haunted my family for decades.
Starting point is 00:50:01 They said that they took her, and the next day she was already dead. To find the answers, I went to the place where my family is from, El Salvador, and found that the story starts with a priest who was killed on the altar and sparked a war. I'm Jasmine Romero, and on Sacred Scandal Nation of Saints, join me as we uncover an unholy war, one that includes government cover-ups and politicians turned death squad leaders. But I'll also tell you the story of one family, mine,
Starting point is 00:50:34 because on this journey, I found out that we had more secrets than I knew. Listen to Sacred Scandal, Nation of Saints, as part of the MyCultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say? Britney, Christina. That's not who we were thinking about. Try again. Shirley Bassey, Tina.
Starting point is 00:51:03 And again? Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. No, there's still someone you're missing. Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen in particular. Leather Twink, Bruce Springsteen. Just very hand on hip, sassified Bruce.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Because the bus, the bus, the bus. This is Because the Bus Belongs to Us, a serious journalistic quest to get Bruce Springsteen recognised as the queer icon we know that he is. There's so much camp potential with him. On my dating profile I had something about being a fan of Nebraska-era Bruce Springsteen. It's like you squint and everyone can be a birch. Listen to Because the Boss Belongs to Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Starting point is 00:51:47 podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Uh, guess what guys? Guess what? What? Talk to me. I've been buying a lot of shorts. Let's go! I've been buying a lot of basketball shorts.
Starting point is 00:52:04 That shit's important. Okay, okay. And you wanted to get to this last week and I guess we just forgot. Yeah, we forgot. Gotcha, bitch! So these are basketball shorts or these are gym shorts? Basketball shorts. Gym shorts, basketball shorts.
Starting point is 00:52:18 Okay, what is going on? Those are different things. What's going on? Those are different things, just to be clear. Yeah, they're basketball shorts, but I wear them to the gym. Basketball shorts, got it. Very shagadelic. A while ago when we were on tour,
Starting point is 00:52:30 you gave me one of the best compliments, because you normally don't compliment what I'm wearing, Blake, because I- You're welcome. Don't dress that cool. I kind of dress just like a fucking regular-esque, boring-ass dude. Not cool.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Don't have cool fashions. And Blake, you saw my shorts, you're like, whoa, those are really cool shorts. I love those shorts. And it filled me up, it juiced me up with pride. When my boys gassed me up, filling up the tank, I felt good, I was like, let me vroom, vroom. So then, perfect.
Starting point is 00:53:01 Since then, I was like, I was coming here to Charleston, I only brought a few pairs of shorts and I was like I need some more shorts Blake gas okay, and then I couldn't they were they they didn't make any of the cool colors of the the brand that I had before I was like I got a dig deep and find some so then I started looking up cool basketball shorts my god The algorithm as soon as you do that it'll push them towards you cuz I found a lot I found what are we yeah, these are basketball shoes or basketball shorts. Here's old-school mesh. Oh, yeah mesh. Oh Okay, you kind of got something that kind of looks like like clouds. Yeah, they're like clowns Can you bring those a little closer to the camera? Yeah, look at the mesh. I love a mesh short, dude
Starting point is 00:53:43 Perfect for hot how Hey, wait, hold on. I got to ask you, Adam, how hot is it over there? It's very, very hot. I think we're, it's like in the 90s every day. And the very, very humid. Dipping dots don't stand a chance. Yeah, here, and I'm not even taking tags off of them yet. You know, I'm.
Starting point is 00:54:02 OK, I don't know. Am I seeing Mitchell and Ness? What am I seeing? Where are these from? These are a brand that I just bought from Legends. Legends. Legends, mate. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:13 I also bought a Legends t-shirt because I was like, oh, maybe I would buy a t-shirt. Yessir. But then on the back, it says Legends across the back. And I'm like, I don't really want a shirt that says Legends, but. No, yeah. Oh, those are nice.
Starting point is 00:54:24 That's like a paisley, like a burgundy paisley. Yeah, a little paisley. Get your bandana on. Get your Kendrick arm. These are the ones I consider these are a real heavy hitters. I love that these are a floral print, but it's not knocking you over the head with it. And I might've spent a little too much money on these.
Starting point is 00:54:41 These were- Yeah, wait, what are these all running yet? 70 bucks. Yeah, what are we? Most are like 65 70 bucks whoa these are crazy triple that triple that okay you can get like these are like two hundred and forty dollar perish I'm not getting a good focus on the way she said two hundred and forty dollars oh my god yeah I might have win a little big time on those are not
Starting point is 00:55:10 $240 they are Blake. They are what the hell are you serious? Who makes those and why are they 240 these are John Elliott's John? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's an insane amount of money for basketball short, but that's that's John Elliott. That's $240 that's right Blake. That is right. That is right That's John Elliott. That's $240. That's right, Blake. That is right. That is right. Even if I like them, that would make me not like them.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Those are a designer play on basketball shorts. You buy $240 dumbass t-shirts. No, no, no. Stop it. Don't do that to him. No, he buys them cheap. He sells them high. Okay. Well, that's crazy. Why are those that much money?
Starting point is 00:55:48 Why are those that much money? I have no idea. No, these are, these were very expensive and you know, I felt bad about it, but then the fabric, the quality is so much better. So much better. He turns into Sebastian Maniscalco. They're going to have to send me a pair of jeans. And the fabric, the quality is so much better. So much better.
Starting point is 00:56:06 He turns into Sebastian Maniscalco. They're gonna have to send me a pair just so I could kind of like understand why. John Elliott. Oh, dude, I slid in their DMs. I was like, I love your stuff. And they're like, thanks. Good for you.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Everyone does. Good for you. Yeah, it's expensive. John Elliott. I gotta get on my John Elliott. Adam, how's your dot looking in these? Are you poking through? My dot. Oh, it's expensive. John Elliott. I got to get on my John Elliott. Adam, how's your dot looking in these? Are you poking through? My dot? Oh, that's fun.
Starting point is 00:56:30 Camo? Yeah, these are some camo prints. And is that John Elliott? No, these are not. These are a company called Arise. Arise. These are, I don't know, probably $60 or something. You know, regular amount of money. Okie dokie. Kind of still expensive, but yeah. Nothing to hear. But Chloe doesn't you kind of still expensive, but yeah nothing but
Starting point is 00:56:45 Chloe doesn't really like these because she says I look like a fuck boy was her exact It's giving fuck boy. It's giving fuck boy And then I got a few standards Jesus there's more you know champion nice high-quality White ones cuz I'm a brave dog Oh, yeah, you got to be careful with white shorts, dude. Do you yes if you sit in your period and another hey Blake I'm sorry. I'm sorry bud. I got this one on sale, but it is John Elliott. Oh boy. How much is that one? That looks like a knockoff Spurs shorts Yeah, they kind of do yeah, they're kind of why not just get a big once you now get off fuck you How much are these? How much is that one? That looks like knockoff Spurs shorts.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Yeah, they kind of do. Yeah, they kind of do. Why not just get it? Blake, why don't you nudge it off? Fuck you. No, I think that one was like 150 or something. Yeah. It's like I got a hundred dollar discount.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Dude, that's a steal. Wait, hold on. What is the, what are those shorts doing that is any different than the champion ones? They're better. They're doper. They've got cooler color combos. You saw the floral print. That was kind of sick. They were dope. They were dope.
Starting point is 00:57:56 Those are cool. And basketball shorts, I mean, they're going to be basketball shorts forever. That's true. They're going to be basketball shorts forever. What does that mean? They're durable. They're durable. They're durable. They're durable. They're durable. They're durable. It's not like a t-shirt where you wash it a few times and they look like shit. Basketball shorts kind of just look, they hold there for a long time. They're gonna lose their
Starting point is 00:58:17 elastic, right? Waistband? When it starts going... Well the elastic is like, but you can replace that, but... Is that what you do, Blake? You replace the elastic in your basketball shorts? You can if you really love to pair. Is that what you do was my question. I don't, but I don't have very expensive basketball shorts, so I just like let them be. By the way, I said I went down a rabbit hole.
Starting point is 00:58:38 I'm not buying a ton of those expensive basketball shorts. I see it. But you know why I'm not? Is because they all sold out and I couldn't get any more. I tried, I really tried. I was actually really sad. I was trying to bust the bank. And so I want to throw this out there
Starting point is 00:58:53 because I only work out in shorts that have the built in brief. Hate those. Absolutely hate those. Because then you're only, A, I don't want to do more laundry and B, like fucking underwear, it just, there's too much fabric, it's too much, too much stankin'. No.
Starting point is 00:59:11 That makes sense to me. Too much hot, hot heat on my dot. It's very hot. Hot on your dot. I got a hot dot. Toasty! Hot dot. This is the thing, I have two different things.
Starting point is 00:59:21 If I'm just working out like like lifting or like gym then I don't wear stuff with the built-in underwear but if I'm this is how we get in shape like him if I'm running I do need the net I need the built-in undies I need it be very snug when I run I mean my balls to be really close to me I hate the because they never fit me properly mm Mm-hmm, yeah. Well, your dick is a monster. You're a monster. And so it ends up like not being able to come over my ass. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:53 Like I can't pull it over my ass. Wait, wait, can we pull that? I'm gonna come. Can we pull that audio? Slide that clip. Come over my ass. Come over my ass. Can we pull that clip?
Starting point is 01:00:09 That's why I've always hated the yeah the inner lining it sucks It sucks for me and how do you feel about this new like biker short lining movement because I can't get on board with that because I feel like You like hike it up So it's supporting your nuts in your dick and then slowly like your legs pull the fabric down and then your dick ends up Just like kind of doing what? Down under your nuts in a way. You guys are gonna wanna go on our YouTube
Starting point is 01:00:30 to see Ders explain this. Please subscribe to YouTube because it's a visual thing. Yeah, smash that subscribe. Smash it. What happens to your dick? I just, I want my dick up and to a side and when you wear the bikers it just
Starting point is 01:00:46 Creates a pocket where your dick just goes straight down on to your nuts in the front Right right right kind of like tucks into it, so and then the fabric of the shorts Kind of rides up on the bikers. I don't know why who loves this biker shorts movement under the shorts I don't like it. I think John Morant. I think it's Ja Morant. It's Ja. You think Ja Morant is the one who started with the biker short movement? Like I'm talking about the built in-ness where it's like, it's part of it. Yes.
Starting point is 01:01:13 The first time I noticed it was like Nike and they're like Ja Morant shorts. And then they had like the bikers built in. Oh, so I mean, he's one of my favorite basketball players. Yeah, you're wrong. Mostly for his gun violence. Yeah, it's fucking cool. That's kind of why I follow his story's one of my favorite basketball players. Yeah, he rocks. Mostly for his gun violence. Yeah, it's fucking cool. That's kind of why I follow his story. He's your favorite shooter.
Starting point is 01:01:30 He's my favorite shooter. He rocks. Shooter, shoot. Shooter, shoot. Yes, points! But now I guess I don't like him because I fucking hate them, dude. Right.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Oh my god. Knocking grandma! It just makes it hard to buy things. It's like when the skinny jeans became super popular and it was just hard to find pants that fit my body. And it went, it was that way for 15 years. I remember it affecting you in ways, yeah. Yeah, it was so hard.
Starting point is 01:01:59 Like I couldn't actually, like buy new jeans, I couldn't do it online. I had to like go to a store and that's why I had like 13 pairs of lucky brand jeans. That's a lot. Hey, when I go all in on something, I go, I go. I want to say that if you did have 13, you wear like two or three of those. Right. Hey, lucky 13.
Starting point is 01:02:26 Isn't it though? Lucky you. Yeah, not seven. That's a lot. And they got you. And then we also saw, I mean, he had 13 pairs. Ask about. There's more down there, too. They just were in the dirty hamper. So I didn't. What are you wearing two pairs a day? Like, why do you need so many shorts, brother? I work out every day.
Starting point is 01:02:45 Okay, that's obvious. That's obvious. And I- Cum your shorts? I always jizz my shorts. Sure. No, I, you know, I just, I fell, I'm a, you know, I have an addictive personality.
Starting point is 01:02:59 I'm not able to- To crack anymore. Be the alcoholic that I used to be, which sucks. It sucks. We all hate it. It sucks. Everyone hates it for me, too. People are like, oh, you're not chugging tequila
Starting point is 01:03:11 like the rest of us? You're a bitch. And I'm like, I know. I do know that. Your personality is actually super boring. It's super boring if I'm not drunk. His personality is Budweiser. Built by Budweiser.
Starting point is 01:03:25 Who am I? Oh, dude. Oh, so, so real quick, and we'll talk more next week about this. I'm going to go to Medellin, Colombia and get stem cell treatments. What the hell? Yeah. I'm going to Medellin, Colombia. Why and what and why there and what is what what's happening? I have heard that Colombia's medical situation is like super dope down there.
Starting point is 01:03:49 And that's why everybody has like plastic surgery. Yeah, it's super duper dope. I'm what if I came back with a new face and be like, it was just stem cells. Right. Hot, hot, hot, hot. I wouldn't do that face. But yeah, you come back looking insane. They say after a few months, it'll settle. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:08 Uh, it's supposed to settle. I have no wrinkles. Yeah. Be good for the pod. So apparently there's three dope spots. There's one in Panama. There's one in, uh, Tijuana. And then this one, which I've told is one of the best ones is in Columbia.
Starting point is 01:04:27 It's called bioaccelerator.com. So what is this for? Sorry. This is for your, my body, my health and my autoimmune thing that I have. Under the hood. So yeah. So apparently it helps with autoimmune diseases. It helps with regenerative growth of like muscle,
Starting point is 01:04:49 muscle damage. Damn it, thought for a second. We gotta tell Celine Dion, bro. Yeah, fuck, I mean, I'm sure she might know. She might know. It's science. But I don't know, yeah, I'm really excited about it. I think I'm gonna go in August.
Starting point is 01:05:04 And this is, they like inject the area with the cells and the cells glom on and go to work like little doozers. I mean, I talked with the CEO of the company last week just to be like, I'm coming, I'm doing this. And he's like, okay, good. I'm gonna come. Yeah, absolutely. I'm coming. Do not come. And then it won't come over my ass. doing this and he's like okay good I'm gonna come yeah I'm gonna come I'm coming do not and then it won't come over my ass uh fucking so I I talked with him and then I have a
Starting point is 01:05:36 consultation with the like doctor essentially on Friday and then I'll tell her all of my ailments and figure out the best. No, I'll call. So are you going to make a little vacation out of it? Because that place that you said, where was it again? Medellin, Colombia. That sounds like a place that would be kind of cool to kick it for a week. Super dangerous, I think. But I think there's danger to it but there's danger to
Starting point is 01:06:05 every city. Danger's my middle name. I'm just gonna wear my $250 basketball shorts. Yeah. Leave the Rolex at home. Fuck it! Yeah. Wear Rolex on each wrist and just play it by ear. I got the stem cells and lost my hand. Someone hacked off my arm. Well so for sure this is like a little city that's super cutuddly and then like really rich people roll in to get their bodies fixed. They see you coming a mile away, right? Yeah. Like, oh, it's a workaholic.
Starting point is 01:06:33 That's all right. He's gonna roll up like coming to America. It's bumper. Well, what they did tell me is they're like, it's connected to, the hotel is connected to the medical facility. So you don't- Interesting. And then this super high-end mall. I love it. the hotel is connected to the medical facility. So you don't.
Starting point is 01:06:45 Interesting. And then this super high end mall. I love it. It's all connected together. And so they're like, you don't have to actually go outside if you don't want to. And I'm like, what? Cause it's that scary?
Starting point is 01:06:55 I'm like, is that a selling point? I, cause to me, I'm like, I want to see where Pablo Escobar like lived and like go do the thing. You want to find the hippos? Oh. Those hippos. Is it really? Yeah. That's what we're talking about? That's where Pablo's from?
Starting point is 01:07:09 Medellin, Columbia. Yeah, yeah. That name, I feel like I've heard it, but I don't know the history behind it. Well, did you not watch Narcos? I didn't, no. What the fuck, really? Yeah. It ends with the guy getting a butt lift.
Starting point is 01:07:22 Oh, really? Yeah. No. You have to go watch- A dozen? It doesn't end with the guy getting a butt lift. Oh, really? Yeah. No. You have to go watch. It doesn't? It doesn't end with the guy. I'll tune in, I'll tune in. It seems cool. Now that I have like context, I wanna see where my boy is going.
Starting point is 01:07:34 That sounds awesome. You didn't watch Narcos, dude. Why not? I never watched Narcos. Oh, I would say. There was a time in my life when I wasn't watching anything. I was only reading.
Starting point is 01:07:44 I'm not buying that. Lots of books. Lots of books. Did you watch Narcos? I started it and I was like kind of not into it. See? It was so good. Adam, you're like obsessed with cocaine and stuff. To me it's not that cool.
Starting point is 01:08:00 I'm not obsessed. Adam, you have a higher tolerance for TV than I do. What does that mean? Like I'm not obsessed with it. Adam, you have a higher tolerance for TV than I do. What does that mean? You are willing to just start and go all the way through. If you start, you're gonna finish. You're committed, you're in. That is true.
Starting point is 01:08:15 I start getting offended. I am rewatching House of Cards right now. That is a dense rewatch. You're Kevin Spacey guy, you're in? Huge, yeah. Kevin Spacey guy. That's in? Huge. Space out. Kevin Spacey guy. That's another one where I started that show and then he like turns to camera,
Starting point is 01:08:30 Zack Morris style is like, time out. These fucking people, da da da. And I was like, oh. I'm about to go fuck the dude at Crafty. I don't like this show at all now. I like it. I like that he does it. I know.
Starting point is 01:08:42 I'm sure that's fine. But Narcos is really, really cool. No, I do think I would really like that he does it. I know I'm sure that's fine But narcos is really really cool. No that I do think I would really like that and anyway, so it's it's Medellin Colombia is where Pablo Escobar is from crazy. Yeah. Yeah, so I would like to see you know do a little side scene But I've been told it's like kind of dangerous. So the block is still hot out there. I also was told that I can get a... Cocaine. It's giving murder.
Starting point is 01:09:09 I can get bodyguards to like take me around. I'm like hilarious. Oh, hell yeah. Hilarious. So. You gotta do that. Maybe I will. Let's go!
Starting point is 01:09:19 And there's no doubt that they're gonna rob you themselves. That sounds fucking cool, dude. You know what, I hate talking about countries like this. I don't like it. Because I'm sure there's a fucking zillion wonderful people in Colombia, and there's few bad apples. I bet it's awesome. And I bet it is dangerous for tourists.
Starting point is 01:09:35 That's what I'm saying. I don't like shitting on countries like that. We look like Marx. I think it will surprise you. When I went to South Africa, they were like, the crime's crazy. And I go, OK, but I don't want to shit on the whole country because there's a few like people that will cut your arm off.
Starting point is 01:09:49 Yeah, because you go to Cape Town and people are, yeah. Yeah, even though Portland was pretty scary. Yeah. So so that's kind of the big news in my life. I'm going to find out more and I will I'll keep you guys abreast to that. But it's kind of exciting out there. Breast is the word of the week. I have people that have told me that have gone there, a fellow actor, I'm not gonna say his name
Starting point is 01:10:11 because I don't know if he wants it out that he does this. I have no idea. Right. But he was telling me. He flux hookers in Columbia. No, he goes there and he just flux hooks hookers. No, he goes, he did it. And he's an actor and he does like,
Starting point is 01:10:29 the like SEAL team type shows and movies where it's like action. Every episode's a damn action movie. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's Chris Pratt. So he had a bad back and he was like, my back is so bad, I was thinking about retiring. He went down there to this clinic, did this treatment.
Starting point is 01:10:49 They fucked it right out of him. And he's 90% better and he's back doing it. He's like, he's like, I'm back, baby. You go on their website and Tony Hawk is like, he went down there. He's it, it like cured him. It cured his son, Riley, who had a bad back. Yeah. And then it's like a huge laundry list of, I guess, Joe Rogan goes down there and a lot of the UFC guys. So wait, so wait, you were and I want Blake to get ready on the board for this one.
Starting point is 01:11:19 You were talking about Tony. Hold on. Fuck. That's cool. I think I said Tony. Tony That's cool Tony And his son Riley Cool bit on that day That's really awesome Before we go Adam. I have to ask since we are we're talking television. Did you? Partake are you partaking in Clipped at all?
Starting point is 01:11:46 The Clippers documentary series, not documentary. No, I'm not. I will, I will. I think I will get around to it, but the reviews were really bad, and then also. They changed the name of it. Also, I feel like I just lived through all of it.
Starting point is 01:12:07 It's weird that it's just happened so, they made it too quick. I was like, make it in 10 or 15 years. It just all. What is the series focusing on? It's called Clipped. It was about, what's his name? Donald Sterling, the owner of the Clippers.
Starting point is 01:12:22 And he was racist and his weirdo girlfriend. Vista Viana. Yeah, his weirdo mistress. She's his fashion icon, go ahead. Yeah, she wore the bear coat. But then they show the players, and they're like, this is supposed to be Blake Griffin, and you're like, what?
Starting point is 01:12:39 They don't look canny-thing like, not even close. Oh, this is like, oh. So it's just from a few years ago. It's not a documentary, it's a thing. No, this is like, oh. Yeah, yeah. So it's just from a few years ago. It's not a documentary. It's a thing. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's playing Doc Rivers?
Starting point is 01:12:50 Lawrence Fishburne. Lawrence Fishburne. Right, right. He does pretty good. And then my boy Ed O'Neill is playing Donald Sterling. Sterling, yeah. He crushes it. Does he?
Starting point is 01:13:01 He's really good. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, he's a good actor, but I mean, the show doesn't look great. It's cooler if you watch it. It's cooler if you watch it and you think of it as Al Bundy, like his future. Like it's a it's in a married with children universe. Wow. Yeah, I would like it a lot. It makes the show really good. Yeah, it makes the show really good.
Starting point is 01:13:31 No, I think I think we stuck the landing once again. We did it again. It's kind of crazy. Wow. Look at us go. I would like to take back speaking on the on behalf of. Here's the Robert De Niro's penis. The world's penis. The word of the week is penis. Poop dollar! I would like to take that back.
Starting point is 01:13:51 And I would like to- Why? How come? Just, I'm just curious. Yeah, is there a word that you wanna get to? Yeah, supersede is the word I was gonna try to squeeze in. And I could've, I think. I think that word might've slipped past. I mean, I think, to be honest,
Starting point is 01:14:08 at De Niro's age, having a baby, this is, he must have a supersede. Yeah, and actually. And this is another episode! Yeah! Yes, points! Yes! It is important!
Starting point is 01:14:24 Science is a bagel. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Yes, points! Oh! The Medal of Honor is the highest military decoration in the United States. Since it was established in 1861, there have been 3,517 people awarded with the medal. I'm Malcolm Gladwell, and our new podcast from Bushkin Industries and iHeart Media is about those heroes.
Starting point is 01:14:54 What they did, what it meant, and what their stories tell us about the nature of courage and sacrifice. Listen to Medal of Honor, Stories of Courage on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. We all know what that music means. It's time for the Olympics in Paris. I'm Matt Rogers and I'm Bowen Yang And we're doing an Olympics podcast? Uh, yeah. We're hosting the Two Guys, Five Rings podcast.
Starting point is 01:15:30 Watch every moment of the 2024 Paris Olympics beginning July 26th on NBC and Peacock. And for the first time, you can stream the 2024 Paris games on the iHeartRadio app. And listen to Two Guys, Five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. From iHeart Podcasts comes Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? 911, what's your emergency? Mastavante is dead! Featuring the star-studded talents of Michael Urie, Jonathan Freeman, Frankie Grande, Cheyenne Jackson,
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Starting point is 01:16:37 recognised as the queer icon we know that he is. Listen to Because the Boss Belongs to Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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