This Is Important - Ep 218: Math: The Answer Isn’t Always 69

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Today, this is what's important: The guys are back! Recording early in the AM. Axe throwing, debates, math, load boost, and more.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th 2017 was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a Mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad-free, subscribe to the iHeart True Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. I'm Joe Gatto. I'm Steve Byrne. We are Two Cool Moms. We certainly are. And guess where we could find us now? Oh, I don't know, the iHeart Podcast Network?

That's right, we're an official iHeart Podcast and I'm super excited about it. I am too. I thought Two Cool Moms was such a fun podcast, but now it's even more funner and cooler and heartier. That's right, it's more iHeartier. I knew it! Check your heart rate, we're here at I Heart. Yeah, you can find us wherever you listen to your podcast or on the I Heart Radio app.

My name is Brandon Kyle Goodman. I'm a black, gay, non-binary author, TV writer, actor, and I'm messy. But not in the way you think. Messy as in I'm human and flawed. I'm on a mission to destroy shame around sex. And the only way to do that is to talk about sex. So that's what we'll do on my brand new podcast, Tell Me Something Messy. Join me on Tell Me Something Messy with brand new episodes every Thursday on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk

about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... When you see penetration for the first time, your mind is just completely scrambled. I'm always looking to peg my wizards. Eight-year-old me has RoboCock in my pocket walking around. Here we go. Start your engines! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Eww!

Yes! Hey Blake, you gotta hit him with a Your back! I don't know if I have that I think I said your back, but Your back! Your back! It's not that we're back, but we're back. You're back! Yeah. You're back. It's not that we're back. He's worried about your back.

Is it okay? Yeah, well, I don't even think I have that loaded. Son of a bitch. What do you mean? We're back. We just took, I mean, we just did a best of episode. People were furious. Yeah.

Oh, here we go. We're back! There it is. There it is. And Blake, before we get to the glove that you're wearing, if you're watching YouTube, you smoosh that like button, please. Oh, you got to smoosh it when you see Blake's glove. What do you mean you don't know if you have it loaded?

Are you offloading the bangers of your board? There's only so many slots, but luckily I have a whole folder full of stuff and We're back! And I got to it real quick. How many hot slots do you have? Um, let's see, there's A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, and they all have... Okay, so... So eight?

However many that is. Eight? There's eight, but they each they each have 16 so 16 times 8 That's a lot. There's no way to figure that out. Yeah. No, I'm not doing little quick math It's a hundred and twelve. Yes, if you've smushed you're viewing and if you're just on On the there's no way that any of our listeners would be able to quickly do that math and figure that out. I mean, what is the percentage? There's just anything, if there anything like us, that's a, you're

pulling the calculator out on your phone. Yeah. You're driving into a ditch cause you're trying to do math. You're just like zoned out being like, okay. And then I carried the hot. Where do you carry the one now? Do you carry ones? Dude, math is hard, it is really difficult.

And it's getting harder. Was that your hardest? Oh yeah. Was that your hardest? Yeah. Yeah. Mine too, by such a large margin. I feel like I was very competent in every other part. Word of the day, competent? Word of the days, competentent. Word of the days?

Competent. And then math would come and fully derail me. And then I was so dumb at it that I felt like I was retarded. I'm gonna come. You know what I mean? Like I had a disability. Like I truly felt that way when it came to math.

But it was the only thing. Specifically you thought it was a retardation. Of math. Oh okay. So you thought it was a really specific... Specific retardation of math. Okay yeah that that adds up. Hey points. Look I know I know we're not really encouraged to say the R word, but is retardation... It's back. Is retardation... good to go?

It's science. Yeah, because that's not, I feel you're not calling it, I understand if it's a derogatory term, if you're calling someone that as a put-down. Sure. But if you're saying it about yourself and how bad you were at math in the seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh grade, and also the twelf 12th grade and also when you went to community college and had to take one year of math. And still.

That shit's important. And when you got certified in scuba diving, there's very basic math that you have to do. Dude, I remember that. That was brutal. It was so hard, dude. It was so hard. It was so hard. It's not easy. It was so hard. It was so hard. It's not easy. It never gets easier. Did you get certified, Blake? Oh no, because you didn't,

because you had that fake injury when we did the shark week. It wasn't fake. Wait, but did you not even- I broke my hand. You didn't even do it? No, he didn't do it. No, my hand was broken during,

I broke it during COVID. Do you remember COVID? I was so mad at Fauci for making us jab. Do you guys know how he broke it during COVID. Do you remember COVID? I was so mad at Fauci for making us jab. Do you guys know how he broke it? No, he was grabbing all those vaccines. He broke his hand and grabbing too many vaccines is what I heard. Yeah, snatched them off the shelves.

That's what I heard. Snatched them off, I gotta give them to the people. Give me those! Blake, what's going on with your face? You look mad tired. Did you drink last night? What happened? What happened last night? You think I look mad tired? Yeah your face? You look mad tired. Did you drink last night? What happened? What happened last night?

You think I look mad tired? Yeah, I think you look like shit. Well, truth be told, this is the earliest podcast we've ever done. It's 9 a.m. Yeah, it is. That's my fault. What the fucking hell?

Fucking! Well, it's an early, yeah, it's at a.m. You gotta sip on some coffee. I'm on the West Coast, so it is noon for me, so this is a little... It's so early, I went to Starbucks. I haven't been to Starbucks in a month. Dude, I don't go to Starbucks anymore.

Wow, what a run. What a run, a whole month. I was, no, it's been a long time. I don't even understand how that makes sense. It's so early you went somewhere? That you went to just make coffee. Yeah, like I couldn't make coffee. It was too early to do it.

It's too hard for you. The math, the math was crazy. Like the scoops, I was like like I couldn't make coffee. It was too early to do it. It's too hard for you. The math was crazy. Like the scoops, I was like, I can't do it. I can't even deal with the scoops. So you don't have a coffee machine at your house? Yes, I do. I make pots of coffee. That's why I haven't been to Starbucks in a long time.

This is the first time I've been there. Wait, dude, you're still on pots, homie? Yeah. You gotta upgrade your whole lifestyle. Wait, why? What do you do? You're a Keurig boy? No, I upgrade your whole lifestyle. Wait, why? What do you do? You're a Keurig boy? No, I got a motherfucking Jura, son.

Ooh. What the hell? What the hell? Let me, hey. Bow to your senses! Let me teach ya. Let me coach you up a little bit, boy. Tell me what that means.

What is that? What the hell? What is a Jura? Let me coach you up a little bit, boy. Sounds like what? Like a lotion. Iron Man computer. What is it?

Juras? Jura. Yeah, Adam, it sounds like an Iron a lotion. Iron Man computer. What is it? Jura's? Jura. Yeah, Adam, it sounds like an Iron Man computer. Yeah, well said. Like that rolled off the tongue. I think it was Jarvis. What? Go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, you're actually right. And that's my first take back.

That's my first take back. It's 9 a.m. It's 9 a.m. Woo hoo! Jura is this fucking awesome machine. I admit it, They are expensive. So, you know, you got to really want to drink coffee. And I do. I do.

I don't think that's how it works. I think you have to really want to drink coffee and be able to afford it. And, well, I got a little, like during COVID I got a little bitchy about my coffee because I was drinking. Sure. Oh yeah, my bitch.

Because you're home. So you want to like savor, so just to drink like a shitty coffee, like if you're working you can pound a shitty coffee because you just start drinking it for the energy. Sure. But when you're home you want to savor the aromas, the hazelnut, the notes, the vanilla. My boy is about the notes. Yeah dude so this so. Okay. This thing, you can make anything, dude. You push a little button, a motherfucking latte spurts out. Just, just right in your cup, dog. Is that how you like it?

The best part of waking up is latte spur in your cup. In your mouth. Spurt me, spurt me. Yeah, cool. And so Blake, and Blake, what is, so Adams is super nice. Jarvis. Yeah, cool. And so Blake, and Blake, what is, so Adams is super nice. Jarvis, yeah. Jarv.

Makes whatever you want, Iron Man suit. What is your setup? It's just a good old fashioned pot of coffee. Like Mr. Coffee? Well, I like that. Mr., hey, and I call him Mr. Bitch. It's Mr. Coffee, absolutely. Is it?

That's a name brand. Yeah. Is it? That's a name brand. Yeah. Is it? I think so. Okay, sick. I think it's... Sick. I'm not quite sure.

So you don't like... Do you enjoy coffee? Or it's mostly just a fuel source for you, which I also understand. Yeah, I could care less. Coffee always tastes like ass. It's the same as like beer. Everything tastes bad. I just consume it. Thank bad. I just consume it.

I just consume it at an insane rate. What do you think beer tastes bad? I think beer tastes pretty fucking delicious. Until you get to where the IPAs, I'm off, I'm so far. I pretended to like it for like an afternoon. Remember when we, oh no, you guys weren't, I was on tour and we like,

late night, they're like, we own a brewery come to back to our brewery and we just were throwing axes with these guys and they They were very nice. It's always the brewery and axe throwing is it was just Adam Ray Walsh and then three other guys so like six guys in a brewery throwing axes drinking their IPA's and I have to like choke down 12 of these foul IPA's very nice guys couldn't have been nicer. It couldn't have been fewer had to be 12 It couldn't have been four dude. It could not have been four Number 10 started tastes pretty good. Let me get those next two and I think I'm on board. After about four, they start to taste a little bit.

That's probably an exaggeration. I bet I choked on eight, realistically eight. You choked him down. You did well though. Choked him. If my man's become a shaggedealing. If he's not drinking spurts of coffee, he's choking down beers. Yo, you. And it was just too much.

You gotta choke them down. Was it too much for you, Adam? Is that the end of the... Yeah, it's just... I mean, they're gross. You're not a fan of craft beer. They're gross. But a light beer I do enjoy the taste of.

I do too. I do crave beer. Yeah. We know by how your face looks. What happened last night, Blake? What happened last night? Anything? Did you get into anything last night? I went to a concert for sure.

Yeah, okay, yeah, there it is. Adam knows this man's face. Yeah, dude, I know. I thought I looked good, what is it? No, you look great, dude. I probably look worse You're a handsome man. You do that with your face not helping You just look like the dude who made everyone drink Kool-Aid and kill themselves, oh, yeah, Jonestown

Oh, yeah, the right isn't Jones. No, was he the the hillbob comment? I don't know what it was No, no, no, no. That's a different cult. Yeah, the space dude is in Jonestown. How did we never get roped in a cult, dude? That would have been sick. We started our own male-holder comedy. Yeah. Oh, shit.

The TII. Our podcasts are cult. TII Nation is a cult. TII Nation. Yeah, they are, dude. Yeah. What was the concert, Blazer? I saw JD and Domi, they're like a

jazz duo. It was fucking cool. It was really good. Nice. I like that. And let me get, you went with the T-Bone. Yeah, yeah, I did. That's true. That's right. Cause you're not going to see jazz on your own. Are they the ones that the guy

they dress like mad funky and then there's like a guy and a girl and a girl has like pigtails and is blonde? Yes, look at you, dude. I'm proud of you. I look at your Instagram. I'm not afraid to look at Instagrams and also that's how I keep up with my friends.

I look at their Instagrams. Adam's fearless. And I kind of figure out who they're hanging out with. You're such a dad, dude. And then I go, those are now my friends. Now I kind of like them. Do I, have I ever listened to one second of their music? I haven't.

Yeah! But I like them now because Blake likes them, you know? And he's my cool friend. That's a good friend. And I like checking in. It was fun, it was a good time. It is cool to have Blake as a reference, and then you can just go, I know who those people are. Yeah. Because he knows those people are. Yeah.

Cause he knows who they are. Absolutely. I feel like if I wouldn't know anyone. What are they called again? JD and- Adam, what's the name of the band? JD and JD and Vance. JD and Vance.

Thank you guys. I think they're JD and Vance, right? I love you guys. I love you guys. Dude, get ready. What was their name? JD, Domi and JD. Yeah, they're good. Okay, so you don't lead with the JD because then everyone would think Domi's name is Vance. I love you guys. So you, it's Domi and JD, correct? Is that how they spit it out? Are you sure you weren't just watching the debate?

Are you sure you weren't just watching the debate? I was. It was. You were just watching the debate again? It was JD and Tim. Mr. Walls, baby. I love the Walls. Let the Walls fall down. Tim Walls shocked, his shocked face, he looks like somebody's like weird cat. Whenever he heard something from JD, he'd just go, It was like a Jillian Bell comedy face. Yeah.

Didn't get to watch the Vice President. It was he a like a Jillian Bell comedy face. Yeah. Didn't get to watch the vice president. It was hella boring. No, it was good. It was watching younger people debate as opposed to watching two decrepit old people debate was like crazy. How much like faster information is flowing? How more like succinct people were? Well, sure, but Kamala isn't a decrepit old person. No, no, I'm comparing it to when Trump and Biden debated.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that was a fucking shit show. That was an all-timer. That was an all-timer. I feel... Yeah, that one was a classic debate, too. Unreal. They would toe to toe to toe. That one was fun. You're a fucking disaster, my guy. I feel like I can't, because Trump is so funny. He's such a funny debate.

Like, he's such a lunatic. He changed the game. He made debates, must watch television. Like, this last one was back to... Dude, it's fucking WWE, man. It's like, it's wild. Going back and watching this debate was so boring because nobody is acting like reckless.

It's just like, why am I tuning into politics? This shit is whack. It's not fun at all. They're actually talking about stuff we're supposed to care about. What the hell? Blake was like, I'm learning. I'm learning. Turn it off. I don't like this. Turn it. This feels like math.

This feels like math! This feels like math! Math! Math! I'm back in math 100. Fuck. Dude, I got held back so much in math. It was bad. Did you?

You got held back? Did you really? Don't say it if you didn't, because I did. I did. I was in math 100 in high school. Wow, so you guys. Which one? It was called math 100.

That shit was for basic. You kept it 100 a little too long? I kept it a little too... You kept it way too 100, dude. I was in there with fucking freshmen. Wow, that's crazy because I thought I might be the dumbest in math but I was never held back or maybe my school was just like, alright, it's fine. Yeah, I think I've talked about this before. Probably. From seventh to eighth grade, seventh grade I like crushed math, and they were like, you can skip a grade or like a level and go up. It's never good.

Wow. Never skip a kid in a grade. It's not a good idea. Just like let them do the grades. Thank you. No child skipped forward. If they're very smart, I feel. But you also have to know your kid.

Like, you know, like, hey... You gotta know your kid. What you have to know, like, my kid is just really good at... Like, I was really good at geometry for whatever reason. Okay. That's what it was, yeah. Go off. Geometry, I just crushed. And it just made perfect sense, and I got straight As.

You just knew shapes? That's easy. And angles. Okay. Trapezoid. Trapezoid. I know that. Rhombus. Well I think it's because I played a lot of pool as a kid. And so I just... How old were you when you were playing pool? Oh my dad would just chain smoke cigarettes in the basement and play pool with my uncles and I was always down there mixing them drinks and playing pool with them. Yeah. Right. So you were like beautiful, you were like beautiful minding as like a child making drink. I swear to God, dude, because you would work the angles and it just made sense like how pool makes sense where you, you know, and so you would work, work the angle.

It all just kind of clicked. Right. Adam, what ball should I go for? Algebra or any of that shit. It was an absolute no-go. Yeah, that's where I got hemmed up. I did algebra and got a D and a D eighth grade. They made me retake it.

You got hemmed up? That's what happened. That was algebra. So then I had to retake it freshman year. And you know when you get to freshman year, you're like whiling out, you're like, while on out, you're not paying attention to shit that first semester because you're just like, whoa, like new people, parties, whatever.

Yeah. Got to F. Just got to F. Damn, damn, son. Where did you find that? And then I had to retake retake first semester, second semester. And this class was OK. We were lighting shit on fire and just throwing it out the window for fun. first semester, second semester, and this class was... Okay. We were lighting shit on fire and just throwing it out the window for fun.

No! And then at one point my parents were like, how's math? You do know that if you don't get an A, you're grounded all summer. And I was like, oh shit. All summer long. And then did you get an A?

No. Yeah, I got an A and then I had you go And then I had summer school. I had to take semester two in summer school and dude Wild brutal math during the summer that is absolutely Brutal yeah, that's terrible. The class was awesome. So for you, I feel like it's applying Yeah, you were I think that's that's Ders's thing It's just about applying yourself and I think you's Ders's thing. It's just about applying yourself. And I think you could have been good at math

and you chose not to. Absolutely. You were hemmed up though. Right. You got hemmed up. Much like reading a clock. To be clear, algebra hemmed me up. He got hemmed up.

Hemmed you up. I feel Blake and I are just, there's no way. Because I really, really applied myself. I'm a dumb ass. Like I did not like getting bad grades. I would stay after- What number did I just hold up? What number was that?

Three, three, dude. I would fight with the teachers. You fought. Because they're not giving me enough attention. They would like go off and help someone else and I'm like I'm so dumb I need more help. Stay here stay by my desk I need you. Yeah I need more help you need to help me. It's also we've been on the record saying that you were kind of trying to fuck teachers and so yeah. You are so dumb. Just the one teacher just the one

teacher and now and I wasn't trying to fuck her. And this was not her? No, not her. I wasn't trying. I wasn't trying to. Well, also I had never fucked anyone. I do like Adam being like, is the answer 69? She's like, no, the answer isn't always 69. No, it's not.

It's seven, it's seven. Could it be? Could be. Is there a way to get this quadratic equation? Wouldn't mind foiling your equation. You know I'm really good at angles, right? Wait till I get to geometry, I'm really good at angles. What's the sex pillow?

Adam brings in one of those, the liberator? The one that's like. Oh, liberator, yes. You are so dumb. Adam brings in a liberator and he's like, just thought I would donate this to the class. And if you're listening right now, we gotta take a quick break for load explosion.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guys, by the way, thanks for making me read that ad solo. It's really hot right now. People are loving my load. What is it called?

I don't even know what you're talking about. Wait, you read the ad? I didn't know. I didn't know. They made me read solo ads and the one day I did it, it was like pages and pages of that, the load thing we said we would do. What, Anna, what is the load? I don't know what you're talking about.

What is it? Hotload.com? Well, no. I'm like, it's just me going, hey, it's Blake Anderson and if you need big loads. Load explosion. Oh, load boost. It's called load boost.

Which, by the way, dude, if there was ever, so these are the commercials that we approve and we just you know, they list them off and like yeah Sure, whatever. Yeah. All right, and This one really caught our attention It's called load boost and basically it helps you boost your load and I'm so glad that that one came through and we You recorded that I wasn't put on wax for that one. Yeah, no, it's just me. I hit it solo.

Because what a funny, funny, funny item, right? Do you think anybody else is sponsored by them or is it just us? Do you think the office had like a small celebration that afternoon? They were like, we got one! SmartList is definitely hitting up Load Boost for days. I feel. Smartless is definitely hitting up load boost. Oh yeah? For days.

I feel like Smartless is hitting up, Cum Town actually passed on load boost. Do not cum. Right, they're good, they're good. But Smartless and Two Bears One Cave is also, I think, really involved with load boost. Evidently, we're supposed to be getting some product. I really can't wait to hop into that.

That's gonna be nice. I think I need some help. My loads are very pathetic. Lacking. Lacking, but also I've never heard of, like in real life, in porno it's a different story, but in real life I've never had a girl be like, oh, I need more.

There needs to be more. Right, right, right, right. Hose me down. Bow to your sensei. I need to be hosed. That is weird. I've never right. Hose me down. BOW TO YOUR SENSEI! Right. I need to be hosed. WING! That is weird. I've never heard anyone say hose me down.

That's so weird. Really? It's not weird. I think in real life, most people don't say hose me down. And that's- Really? I feel Load Boost is going to change that. Fucking thing sucks!

So here's the copy. Maybe I do my version of the commercial right now. Have you ever wanted to give a bit more explosion from your grand finale? I like that they put like, your grand finale. They don't just say from your jizz blast. Right. Thank you guys! They class it up a bit.

From your dicks whoop-wap. Are you a firecracker when you could be a dynamite? Introducing Lode Booze, formulated by medical doctors. I mean. Why would you? Sounds real. What other kind of, yeah, they're overcompensating. Well, there are a lot of other kind of doctors, Blake,

but Voodoo, which doctor? No, Voodoo's not a doctor. Which doctor? I found this. You could be a doctor of psychology. You could be a doctor of psychology. You could be a doctor of many things. A doctor of education. Well, I'm a cum doctor, so.

Love doctor. Yes. So the cum doctors at VB Health, Load Boost isn't just a supplement. Is that a band? The cum doctor. Cum doctor! Lillimus, lillimus, lillimus, shoot your load. We're a blend of Pagium, zinc,

and then they kind of talk about actually what's happening, which isn't as fun. I wish it was more just like- Adam is skipping pronouncing words here. He said Pangea. Pagium. He said Pangea, like Earth was one continent again. Well, how did you say this, Blake?

With a blend of Pagium. Tune in, man. You can hear me say it every day of the week if you're listening to This Is Important. Subscribe today. I said it once. I'm never saying it again. It's a very hard word to say. I'm not sure what it is.

What is it? I think it's Pygium. Pygium, yeah. Yeah, what the fuck is that? Oh, yeah, that rolls off the tongue for you, Dyrush. Hey, dude. This is an algebra. Hey, dude. This is English. Hey, dude What even is it is that the thing that really makes the cum I guess I so they found there

So essentially they found the secret sauce that makes doctor your your just get extra Please don't call it secret sauce. The secret sauce. To all beach baddies. It's definitely not going to be a secret if you pop some load boost. Yeah. Man, they bought one commercial.

We did a whole episode. We're going to do two episodes about it. Well, I'm excited for our fans to not only realize how bad they all are at math, but they're also gonna purchase load boost and help them out. I'm ready to take this journey with you guys. I think you gotta take it for like a month or two before you see results.

Okie dokie. Is that right? Which I kind of love that commitment to being like, you can't just take it for like a day. You have to like- Oh yeah. So yeah, we're just checking in with each other. We're like, have you taken your load boost? Yeah.

How's your load doing? Yeah, that would be cool if you could pop it before you really knew you need to like, you know, really hose somebody down. Right. When you know, this person seems like they want to get hosed down. Babe, just so you know, I pop the pill last night. I pop the boost. I'm gonna hose you down tonight, sweetheart.

Okay, I'm gonna go to bed. You're getting hosed. Yeah. You're gonna go to bed, you're gonna wake up a little bit hosed down. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like our wives wouldn't really be that pumped on the load boost.

But, or maybe they would. I think they should do the ad read for sure. That would be really cool. That's great, yeah. That'll go over. With the amount of load that's been boosted, will that help Chloe get pregnant for a second time? Since there's more, is there more swimmers?

I guarantee it. That's why the medical doctors got involved. Yeah, so this is actually for procreating. This is a pill for procreation. That's pretty cool, dude. It actually isn't gross and weird if you kind of say it like that. My son is packed with Pangea. I really blew my extra heart into my wife and we got pregnant. Nice.

And she's, yeah. It's great, dude. That's beautiful. Well said. This is really beautiful. But in order for us to do it for like months and actually see the results, we would then have to do like a pre

and you'd have to measure it. You'd have to like measure it in like on a little scale or something you'd have to jizz on a scale or big scale yes sir medium-sized scale mine could be a very little scale my my driblets I would just dribble onto a scale and and then you see the dime size extract there you dropping time is extract there. You dropping dimes? Oh, baby, you're about to feel my dribbling. Dribble, dribble.

I'm about to dribble it. I would dribble onto the scale and then you weigh that. Is that how we're doing it? And then after maybe a month or two of the boost, the load boost, then you're like, I'm gonna come. Then I'm looking at a quarter and that's a big upgrade or what?

Yeah, I bet if we really wanna take the load boost challenge, I think. Honey, where's the kitchen scale? I don't know. It's not in the bathroom upstairs. I had to mince up some garlic and measure it out. Where's the scale, sweetheart? It's not in the bathroom upstairs. Why?

Why is the scale in the dishwasher? Yeah, why is the scale under the bed with tissues and lotion? Is weird strange, huh? You blame your kids and immediately blame the kids Why you blame your you blame your kids and you have to have the talk with them when they're way too young because you are ashamed that you're weighing your jizz. This is not a toy. Okay.

Yeah. You're or your wife is going like you have to talk with them and you're like, uh-huh. Absolutely. Meanwhile, they're seven. Yeah. I found a bunch of jizz on the scale. Hi. So sometimes when you're alone. She comes in, we're just playing video games.

Did you talk? Yeah. Fuck it! Yeah, we talked. Did you guys have, I mean, I think we've covered this but your dad did your dad's have like a talk with You never know Absolutely. Not really. I think my mom was like my mom did she was like just you do not get someone pregnant and I go Yeah Don't worry about that

You don't have to worry about that and that was that before you have had sex was that yeah having sex No, I think it was like I like I think? No, I think it was like, high school. Like, I think it, no, I think it was like seventh grade. Ders, you said, yeah. Do not get a girlfriend, Ders said, yeah. Yeah. It was kind of that. It was like, you know, you just don't wanna

have that conversation with your mom. Yeah. No, I think it was like late high school. Well, my mom did it way too, way too young. I think my mom did it in like seventh grade or something. And I'm like, mom, I'm still crippled. Like I'm not, like I'm still like, my legs are in casts. I have crutches. Was she telling what, was she instructing positions?

Perfect. Yeah, she was like, don't do it like this. And then showing me what the fuck. Yeah. Ders. Right. Hey, do not put her legs over her head. No.

That is crazy. Right. That's crazy. That's a quick way to get her pregnant. No. But then my dad, I remember after my mom found like some condoms, my dad. Yessir. My dad was like.

Vultures man. I hear my mom say, hey, you have to talk to him. And we go in the basement and he's like, okay, hey, uh, come down here. You know what, you know what sex is. Right. And I go, uh, yeah. And he goes, all right, let's just sit here for a minute. And we sat there in silence for like a minute.

And then I go, okay, can I go upstairs? And he's like, yeah, get out of here. You've been educated. That shit's important. I go upstairs and my mom is like, didn't dad talk to you? I'm like, yeah, yeah, we talked. And that was that. Yeah, that's cool.

Does she go, pretty cool, huh? Pretty cool stuff, huh? He told ya. Pretty neat, right? She cool stuff, huh? You told ya. Pretty neat, right? She gives you a fist bump. Only if you're in love. Only if you're in love. That was the big thing.

Only if you're in love. Because you do it to get married, to then have kids. Yes, I remember that was stressed upon. But you know, we've done it. We did it with our kids like super young. Before it's even like a, like, before it's even like a, like when it's just like a mechanical, this is how babies are made type thing.

So they just, they go into it, they go into it knowing it before they're super charged little horny teenagers. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. So then they, you kind of gave them all the info they need to succeed. Yeah, they got me.

I mean, they just know what it is. We tried to do it in a way where it wasn't like sex. A mystery. And it's like, oh right. It's just like, yeah, this is how babies are made. This is what happens. I mean, I think I described it the right way. Yeah, that's probably a good way to do it.

Because I remember the first time I saw a porno. Right. I remember very vividly. I was shocked. I was shocked. And that'll still happen. That'll still happen. Yeah, when you see penetration for the first time,

your mind is just completely scrambled. Oh yeah, it was a lot. And it's gonna happen so much earlier for our kids. And it might have happened already. Yeah, yeah. You know, because it's so easy so much earlier for our kids. And it might have happened already. You know, because it's so easy to see it now. Yeah, the internet is around us. We used to have to hide our, like someone had a penthouse

and we hid it under a tree, like a log, in the woods. You had a treasure map to find it. We did, dude. It's not even an exaggeration. You know, if you to find the point. It's not an exaggeration. If you go past the Walmart. Dude, we had it in a Ziploc bag. It's got to be weatherproof. Someone forgot to close it after looking at it.

That's so Bush League. Come on. It was just fucking bullshit, dude. And then it was ruined. And it was for all the neighborhood kids, you know, but I can imagine still used it right. Well, yeah, well, we weren't smeared, not using using, but, you know, like looking. Yeah. Look, that was pre jerking off.

That was like you just knew that you like to look at it. Yeah. You weren't masturbating. It was just like, let's go. It was like, it was the same feeling as like, I like to throw rocks at things. At signs, at poles, at trees. Brought to you by Load Boost. It's animal. It's an ape. It's an ape. Yeah. It was just something that I knew that I liked to do. Right. Destruction and nakedness. Yeah. It's in with all of that. It's baked in.

I do remember a kid would sell... It's baked in. This kid would sell scraps... It's baked in. ...of a porno, like a magazine scraps. And I remember he gave me the ad for RoboCock. Okay. Funny. And it was just like a robot dude

with a hard on getting head from some chick. And I was like, this is unreal. I'm using my teeth. By the way, this has to be like 1989. Like, cause if RoboCop came out, I think 88 or 87, like. So 89, you were like 22. Eight year old me has RoboCock in my pocket walking around.

What the hell? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hold on. If I was better at math, I would assume that's an age joke, but because I've got math retardation, which is okay to say. Fucking epic slam, dude.

Yeah, that's fine. I don't know what's going on. But just like a scrappy, like, you know when you have a piece of paper and you're bored in class and you just you keep crumpling it to see how soft it can get? Nobody? I mean yeah, doing shit like that. I don't remember doing that exactly. Yeah, sliding to Adam's DMs with pictures of your soft paper. Sponsored by load boost.

Yeah, you would just tear out a piece of paper, crumple it, and then open it and keep re-crumbling it until it became like a tissue paper. You might be a redhead. That's how I got that grip strength, bro. But that's what it looked like, just tattered, like an old C scroll, like fucking... Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying.

Because I had a friend that did the exact same thing. The exact same thing. He wouldn't sell the full magazine, which would have been great. He would sell pages of the magazine. Smart. It's really smart. So you would like for, I don't know, a dollar or something,

he'd give you like two or three pages. Holy shit. So you're like... Whole pages? You're always a dollar or something, he'd give you like two or three pages. Holy shit. And so you're like, you're always going back. Yeah, you're getting pages. How many pages did he have? He had several magazines or was he pulling from the same? I'm sure he had a few magazines and he was gonna get, I mean, he's a smart businessman.

He had them, unbelievable. This is eighth grade, so. Unbelievable. Well, and he was probably funneling it through his dad. His dad's like, take this to school. Oh, you think it was like, it went all the way up the chain. Oh yeah. And his dad was like, here's how you make some money.

Yeah, he's like, I got you. This is what you do. This happened right after they had their talk. He's like, it's called sex, here's a magazine. Actually, you know what? Actually, we could probably. Yeah, you could make some money doing this. Let me exacto out some pages here.

Let's see what we got. You know what I bet, I bet if you are, let's say you're a family and you're hard up for cash. Sure. You know, it's your, Let's say it. I mean, it's paycheck to paycheck. It's not looking good.

Sure. That you're gonna, your house is gonna be foreclosed upon. You're a single wide trailer. They're gonna tow it off and you'll have no place to put it. Right. Then I feel that's a good business plan because how much is a penthouse or a Playboy?

I mean, I don't know. I mean, back then it probably was like five, six bucks. Nine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Knock it, grandma! And then you go, and then now you're selling a page for? A dollar, yeah. A dollar, yeah.

Yeah. Like, you're really making some cash. How many pages is a penthouse 48 I remember being the first playboy I found was in my attic mm-hmm we're all gonna take turns go ahead yeah it was in my attic and it stopped I was just like digging through stuff and it was the people that lived there before it left some boxes And this is the story that I was told but they were like playboys from like the 60s So that made makes sense weird a whole box and it stopped my fucking my heart stopped, dude

I was like, it's science. I Remember being mad at they're not being enough pages of press. There was a lot I mean they say that people like the articles. There's a lot of them. Yeah. They really leaned into the articles. They might actually like the articles. They might actually like these articles.

Yeah, give them a break. These goddamn articles. Maybe we do like the articles. I just remember liking the cartoons. The cartoons were like horny naked chicks and you're like, whoa. Yeah, that shit got me. It would always be some dude with like. That's when you got into cartooning yeah basically yeah yeah and I

haven't stopped ever since yeah you've been drawing ever since brother still doodlin still doodlin thank you load boost did you ever go through like a weird like horny little boy phase where you would draw like naked people? No. Can we clip that sound bite? Oh yeah. It's a good long one. Blake, do you remember your first Playboy? Because I remember mine. Oh yeah, no I remember. It was behind the dumpster in elementary school.

But I mean like specifically who was in it. Oh, wait, you're saying like who was on the cover? No. I think I'd seen ones before this, but the first one I remember was somebody had Robin Givens. What the hell? Howard Stern? No, actress Robin Givens who was married to Mike Tyson.

That was Mike Tyson's girlfriend who... Yes, yes, yes, yes. Robin, dude, you even have it in a rap, dude. Hey, man, life comes full circle. Lamal Spellswell has it in a rap. Lamal Spellswell, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And that's what I meant. Our wizard friends have rapped about that in the past.

Robin Givens. Life comes full circle and that you meet people who have the same kind of- What is the lyric there? A hit in the skins like Robin Givens. Robin Givens about to begin to flex on this mic here, on rockin' tight gear. The lyric is a little, it's a little, I's a, I don't even know if LaMolle should've ever rapped this because he says I'm holding this track down like Mike Tyson hitting the skins of Rob McGivitt.

Okay, oh, it's problematic. Because he was, she said that he raked her. Oh, so, yes. So I don't even know why LaMolle. So LaMolle is kind of our edgy rapper and I never really pegged him as the edgiest one of the crew. Well, I pegged him.

With your pegging. really pegged him as the edgiest one of the crew. Well I pegged him. With that lyric. With your pegging somebody. I pegged him. During, I'm always looking to peg my wizard. Yeah, not like a, not a great lyric. So this is 1994, Robin Givens. There it is, yeah. That's the first one I remember knowing.

I actually remember this photo. Can I drop this in the chat? This one where she's kind of like. She's kind of jacked. She is, she's really buff. Yeah, drop it in the chat. What are you doing? I do remember.

You're taking a damn day. Very strong. And you like that. Oh God, how the hell do I, is it coming through? It needs a load boost. Oh God, I did it like four times. It's not, there we go. That's a lot. That's a long...

That's a pretty cool photo. Whoa! No wonder I remember that. I remember that. She's like in the ocean. She's kind of like... Oh, kids! She's kind of like... Damn, son. I mean, she's not that...

I thought you were saying she's like looking like one of those Banging ass crossfit chicks. She's just an in-shape woman. Well, no that didn't exist that she's flawless She's flawless. Yeah, those muscles were incapable. We didn't have the proper creatine No, no those muscles to be filled. We didn't have load boost calm. Yeah, holy shit No one was being boosted. No one's getting hosed Yeah, Robin Givens. She's dope Yeah, she's she's great As I just look at the clock to kind of see where we are in this episode. I'm like

Almost done a lot of just Nothing else little Matt little Matt little Matt man. Hey great to see you guys dude. I told you guys the story about how I got my math teacher demoted right. Yeah. And she said fuck you Adam Devine in the hallway. Yeah. That's right. Because I was so bad at math and she was she was a horrible teacher She didn't deserve to be teaching. You got her rest in peace. Look at epic. I wish she gave you like an equation She was like, do you know what this plus this equals?

It's like I'd say bitch. No, I don't actually I don't I don't and I wish you could help me because it's your job to teach Okay, I did your job to teach. And I did it! Your job to teach. Blake, do you remember the first, it was behind a dumpster. Well the first, like Playboy and then like hardcore, like Penthouse is way different.

I'm trying to think of the, Playboy I think what I saw at my dad's like on the coffee table, we might have talked about that. He like had a little bachelor pad and they just kept Playboys on the coffee table. We might've talked about that. He like had a little bachelor pad and they just kept Playboys on the coffee table. And they caught me looking and I kinda like, oh yeah. By the way, that was your dad's version of the talk.

He was like, ah, Blake's coming over. I could hide these or I could escape having the talk. It's a icebreaker. It's a icebreaker. I'm just like going to get cereal and there's just like Playboys everywhere. He's like trying to get me to look at him. It's like what the hell? Yeah, he just lays them on the ground.

As soon as you get out of bed, they're next to you, little slipper, little boy slipper. What the hell? In the bathroom, on the coffee table, in the kitchen. Yeah, there's just Playboys strewn about. Is it strewn? Yeah. If it has to be. We weren't there. My first time was at a shitty gas station. Do you remember?

I remember gas. I feel like gas stations now don't have the amount of magazines that they used to have. They used to just have the titty magazines right there. Knuck and Grimhaw! They're corporate now. They went corporate, they ditched their personality.

Airports too. Do you remember like going to the airport and there'd just be like, who, who was buying? Who bought the porno magazines and went on the plane and fucking flipped through the pornos? Looking back, shut up. You're right, I actually never thought of that.

Why, they still have them. They're still up there. Are thought of that. Why? They still have them. They're still up there. Are they? And they have the Black Shield over them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, they don't. Not now. Not now. Hudson News ain't got that. They don't have them? No, no, no, no. Really? Hudson News doesn't have them anymore. No, no, no, no, no. I feel like they had them maybe two years ago.

I'll check. I'm going to Burbank Airport today. Okay, well, please go. Okay, yeah. Please let us know. See if the Black Shield is still standing strong. Is Black Shield your favorite porno guy? Black Shield... Yeah. Black Shield, dude, it's a fucking... Yes, points!

Black Shield is the man. My favorite porn star is Black Shield. He's just a good guy. He hoses him down. I do remember that though. It was kind of like a little stripe across all the middle of the magazine so you couldn't see the good. But something would kind of like leak out the bottom a little bit, you could get a little,

all you needed is just a... It was too tall, Blake, when you were a kid to get up there. Did they put him on the bottom? Because I remember being very young and I'd go to a shitty gas station. His dad would screw them out for him. They would just have them right there, right where you like, it's like eye level for a kid.

And I remember just grabbing one, not even knowing it was a porno, and like opened up the page and just saw, like, and it was like a hardcore, I just saw like, full pen. I think that's how people got them back in the day. You would go to a gas station or like a corner store and just steal it. And you just have to fucking take off.

I'm all about getting the... That's what we did. You know what would be really strong is having a penthouse subscription. Your little boobs after dropping some little boobs. Who has the penthouse subscription? Because that would be fire. That's tough. that's tough. Wow.

Do they still, if they're still going, I bet, if you could pull up like old ass penthouse and like you have a whole collection of it, that's kind of a strong look. Is it? Yeah, it is. And would that be a strong look to your two daughters or would they think that's cool?

How strong? How strong of a look do you think it actually is? That's a strong look. Yeah, we're looking at the built with, I feel like we can cut a few costs here and there. What's up with this penthouse subscription? It's $40 a month. I don't know, it's kind of a strong look for the family.

My dad has the strongest look. Oh yeah? His teachers are like, what's that? Hey Todd, find out how much a penthouse subscription is a month because I do believe it has to be way more than $40. It has to be like some dumb number. Because they're like, now they're like making them to order. It's just they're not printing them anymore. For real. They're not a ton of them laying around. There's like a jet in Pacoima. It's like a one on.

And so they're like, OK. And then they're like, hey, Jeff wants another penthouse. Hey, go do some poses real quick. They quickly snap some photos and send it to us. We just got another subscription. It's the same. Oh, fuck. It's the same send it to us. Let's go! Oh shit, we just got another subscription. It's the same guy. Oh fuck, it's the same, it's Jeff. It's Blake, it's Blake.

Is the only guy keeping us alive. Strong look, digital only. I wanna say, somebody I knew like subscribed to Playboy, like as a child, and they were just doing it like, until their mom found out. Because it would come, like, wrapped in something. It wouldn't be like... Yeah, a black shield.

And they would just check the mail every day? That's crazy. I feel like my mom would be real suspect if I was always at the mailbox. Just waiting for the mailman? Yeah, just like always, like, looking. Yeah. I got the mail.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I don't know. I want just like always like looking. Yeah. I got the mail. I got it, I got it. I got it. I don't know, I wanna say that though. Yeah. We used to go to the dumpster behind the gas station. This is your family? Our family, yeah. We'd go to the dumpster behind the gas station

and once a month when the new magazines would come in, they'd throw the old shit out. Toasty! Oh, look at you. Oh, okay, dumpster diving for... Once a month when the new magazines are coming they'd throw the old shit out Look at you. Oh Okay dumpster diving so we would we would then get the magazines and then you know Hold up wait up and then I'm the motherfucking pied piper My neighborhood, I love it. I'd sell them I get all the The those ring the ring pops. Oh yeah.

With a little pimp, P-I-M-P, baby. So you were a pimp, because you went in the dumpster to get ring pops in porno magazines. Yeah, dude. Pimp stuff to do a lot of dirty work that the outside world doesn't know about. Yeah, it's not all glory.

It's not all glory. Looking like a pool hall pimp. Looking like a pool, what is that from looking like a pool hall pimp? Your boy. Yeah, isn't it your boy your roommate? I thought it was like a cat Williams bit No, it was your roommate dude who Sean Sean Sean daddy Sean daddy Looking like us that's authentic. That's not from a movie. That's a real dude saying yes when you said that it just like I was like How how do I know it?

Looking like a pool of Hulk, you know? Yeah, that was the best. Oh my God. So it's digital only, Penthouse is, six issues a year, which, I mean, you're only doing digital and you're only releasing six, and also digital. Take your time with it. You have, there's porno out there.

There's so much. There's a lot. Too much. We want physical much. There's a lot. Too much. There's a lot. We want physical copies. We want physical copies. You want the hard copy? Yes.

That's the strong look for the family. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, hard copies is the strong look, dude. I mean, the hard copies of hardcore porn. How are you? That's the strong look.

How do you strewn any digital copies about? You can't. No. How are you gonna teach your kids about the birds and the bees if you can't leave a physical copy of Penthouse on the kitchen counter? Nothing can be strewn. You just can't.

Oh, oh, shoot. Any take backs about parenting or anything else today? Strong look. I said something earlier that I wanted to take back with Blake and I immediately forgot. Was it coffee? Was it a band? Was it, it was around that era.

Yeah, maybe was it, I called you a bitch or something out the gate. No, you've been really nice to me actually. You guys have been super forgiving. And Blake, are you drinking punk bunny coffee? I wish. Hey, you have any punk? I got it at the grocery store the other day, Adam.

Thank you, dude, I appreciate that. I saw that, I really appreciate that. And we're gonna get you guys some punk bunny coffee. Oh, I can't wait. Well, I'm gonna get Anders for supporting. What the hell? For supporting. What the hell, I want some.

I do not wanna drink Starbucks anymore. This shit is disgusting. Hey, go to your local grocery store, pick up some punk bunny coffee. Mm-hmm. Just rolls off the tongue. Send me a photo of the purchase, and then I'll give you some punk bunny coffee. Okay. I sent him a picture of the product.

I had the receipt in my hand, so he knew that I got it. Wow. Thank you. Good news. I had a newspaper with a date. It's doing really, really well. We're actually in all of the 7-Elevens now, and I was just at the 7-Eleven here. So is Penthouse.

Gassing up. And I don't know if Penthouses are in 7-Elevens anymore. I did not see it. That's corporate. I did not see it. And I was looking. I was looking. Adam was like one

What they're digital only now, yeah That's cool. They just had a computer there They're like if you like maybe didn't have your own computer and you could go and just like the library you you buy a penthouse There at the gas station And then you can go look at it at the gas station once a month No store or like this is like internet cafes in places When Emma was traveling in Africa in college she would just be like going to check her shit at the internet cafe cuz like I Don't think she had a laptop at that time and it was just dudes looking at porno and she was like I'm gonna go

as fast as possible. Internet cafe on, um, sunset in La Brea. Yeah. In the day. Yep. You remember that? That was one of the very first places I did stand up comedy in the cafe. The cafe, they did it open mic night. They're like, can you keep it down?

I'm trying to watch fucking porno. And now it's, now it's like that, uh, Mexican chicken place. Yeah. Do you know? I'm trying to watch fucking porno watch porno. And now it's now it's like that Mexican chicken place. Yeah, do you know what I'm talking? It's like a local LA chain, I think there's a few of them, but I'm blanking on the name Hey trip down memory lane any takebacks apologies epic slams Sorry, no, I don't. You got nothing. I was gonna take it back.

No. I wanna just give a shout out to everyone who was in my repeat algebra class. Okay. Wild, wild times. I don't know where most of you are now. Mm-hmm, yeah. But I hope everything adds up for you.

I hope it all... Absolutely. Yes, points! Oh! I hope! I hope it equates to... I hope, okay, well, shout out to my math 100 class. Shout out to Demarcus Stevens, my guy. You rock, dude. And we didn't get to the glove. What's happening? Yeah, what is happening?

Well, I just put it back on. This was where the gloves... Is it Halloween? Yeah, it's a get ready, because my Halloween costume is about to be sick. Load boost. What are you guys doing for Halloween? You know, I think I'm going to be in LA for Halloween.

Oh. Pull up. I'm going to be... Gemstones is wrapping up. Oh, save it. Save it. Say, we'll save it for the next is wrapping up. Oh, save it. Save it. We'll save it for the next pod. Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. If we can remember. Alright, guys. This was another episode of... This is important! P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th 2017 was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a Mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen to new episodes one week early and 100% ad free, subscribe to the iHeart True

Crime Plus channel, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. My name is Branded Kyle Goodman. I'm a black, gay, non-binary author, TV writer, actor, and I'm messy. But not in the way you think. Messy as in I'm human and flawed. I'm on a mission to destroy shame around sex. And the only way to do that is to talk about sex. So that's what we'll do on my brand new podcast, Tell Me Something Messy. Join me on Tell Me Something Messy

with brand new episodes every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Joe Gatto. I'm Steve Byrne. We are two cool moms. We certainly are. And guess where we could find us now?

Oh, I don't know, the iHeart Podcast Network? That's right, we're an official iHeart Podcast, and I'm super excited about it. I am too. I thought Two Cool Moms was such a fun podcast, but now it's even more funner and cooler and heartier. That's right, it's more iHeartier. I knew it! Check your heart rate, we're here at iHeart.

Yeah, you can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts or on the iHeart Radio app.