This Is Important - Ep 229: Broken Home For The Holidays

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Today, this is what's important: The show sponsors, being crazy, sleeping babies, dad talk, Christmas traditions, catalogs, presents, holiday cards, & more.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important bottom line critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important? It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine. He shot that shit out of him like a rocket! No, evil's cooler. Evil's bad ass. Buckle up. We are, we are the state of the nation. We are, we are Adam divine. Why the middle-aged guys of the nation, will you recap the ads that we read and explain why you're saying this song?

We just read ads, dude, and it was so spot on as to who we are as people. Right before this, we had Heineken Zero Zero, which I personally love. Delish. Oh dang. Is it delish? And you feel like you're drinking without all the fun stuff that gets you drunk. Hurts you. Alcohol. That could hurt you. Yeah, without the alcohol. And then it was right into Better Help, which we're big fans of them here on the podcast.

They're a great sponsor. But it's also saying, like, do these guys need help a little bit? Right. It's science. And then we went right into hims.com, another great sponsor of ours, ED medication. So we, they're saying our sponsors like these guys should be sober. These guys need some help mentally and their dicks obviously don't work. Hello.

Are they saying that about us? Like as the podcast host, are they saying that about our listeners? Like we are at the perfect age to need some help. We should be sober and their dicks don't work. And they're crazy. And I don't like to throw that word around. Okie do. And I don't like to throw that word around. Okie dokie.

I don't like to throw that word around. I know we don't say crazy anymore, but are we? I'm kooky. Say kooky. I think if my dick didn't work, I'd go crazy and start drinking. I think you can. Like I'm trying to bring bum back.

So I think you could say crazy again. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I'm trying to bring bum back. Right. Some people do get pretty ticked off if you call them crazy. That's a triggering word for some people. girlfriend if you're crazy it is if someone called me crazy. I'd go if you're crazy. Okay. Yeah

Crazy I'm crazy you want to see crazy I think if you tell someone like oh, dude, you're so crazy and they go crazy If they snap then they are then they know that about themselves. They're like fuck. You just call me. No, they're crazy Well, yeah, you're crazy. Do you know you're crazy? Um, this is important. This is interesting. This is important I love it. This is interesting. Yeah, I think Yeah, you do a little bit like if you're truly crazy. No, then you don't know but if you're just one of those people that like Might there's something might click and then you just go fucking ape shit If you're not watching this on YouTube, Adam just made a face that to me would indicate you're truly crazy

Yeah, okay. If you're crazy or if you're just kind of whole world gone crazy It's an audio medium and sometimes I forget that yes, that's if you're a little bonkers My like minus the crazy face, you know, you're crazy if you're a little bonkers, right? Yeah It's the whole world gone crazy. Oh bonkers great candy. RIP bonkers. Yeah, there was a I remember someone in Blake and you might remember this and maybe this is calling the person out, but they were crazy They were in our improv class or maybe they weren't even in our improv class in college They were in our like drama department. This is Adam's beautiful mind moment. That was not a real person

They had giant blue eyes. It was a girl. Oh Yep, I had giant blue eyes and someone called her crazy and Full meltdown. Yeah and full meltdown. Yeah. Full meltdown. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Like tears. Adam was right there to be like, do you need a Heineken 0.0? Allegedly. No, at that time I'm like, I think you need to drink some Night Train. Yeah. That would smooth you out. I think we need to have a kegger about it.

Right. Yes, I do. I remember it really affecting her. Did you see the meltdown too? Yeah, she broke down in tears. And it was like, yeah, it was a very, like I said, a very triggering word. That might even be why I said that,

is because somewhere in the deep recess of my mind, that moment stuck out to me. So it triggered you. Yeah, now I'm triggered. Do you guys have, I feel like we don't as a group, have anything that really triggers us I can't be called gay But there's just something I guess I'm so offended I'm so offended

Well, I think I think that's similar to the crazy thing. Yeah, somebody might be a little there's nothing about me brother Oh, that's it's it's nothing gay about me, brother. No, it's just that I don't like it. Okay, and is it because, are they calling you gay because of the outfit you're currently wearing, or why would they be? Is it your excessive use of the color teal? No, shots fired to the sharks.

It's just, I turn as my seven-old just standing here watching at the door He actually does have to have a parenting moment right yeah, yes daddy was kidding he knows I'm currently watching my son sleep on a monitor because I'm the only one home right now. So I got. Oh, cool. I got Bo. He sleeps as if he's dead. Does your children sleep like this?

Wait, hold on. Just absolute face down. Just. Face down, no. Yeah, no, that's SIDS. Careful with that. SIDS, bro. That was the most terrifying thing, concept to me,

in all of parenting. Sid's is absolutely terrifying Yeah, but that should changes every all the time. It's like sometimes they're like, oh, yeah Liam numbed their face down Liam on the back It's science. This is like the worst thing to say on a podcast It's all good. It's all good knock wood No, once they're able to turn themselves around they could sleep However, they are get comfy Yeah, the crazy shit is when they just have like both legs and one arm out of like between the the bars the crib You're like the slaps you're like you good and they're like from the podcast. You good

Yeah life god damn. I'm like, how are you still sleeping with just legs out like that? Well, do you remember even when you're a kid, like I'm starting to notice it, like when you would sit and watch TV, like you would sit in the most fucking weird ways, like with your legs, like up from the couch, but you're like laying on behind my head. And that's when it started. People be like, well, that's gay. And I go, is it? No, it's gay. And I go, is it? No, it is not. Anders always looked at the TV with his asshole directly in the air.

Tight when he- Bud hole. It was easier to suck my, Yes. What's that? Yes. I like the jacket I'm wearing is what I'm saying. Oh, okay.

Yeah. And it gets a little chilly in the office. And if I turn on the heat, it. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And it gets a little chilly in the office and if I turn on the heat, it gets loud. Okay. Okay. Anyway. Well, we appreciate that.

What are you rocking? Is that Patagonia? It is. Nice, dude. I actually like the jacket, Anders. And it's cozy. Gay or not. I like fun, bright colors.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Gay or not, I like the jacket. You are our fun friend. Yeah. You're our fun friend. There's no doubt. For sure. Yeah. I don't know if anyone would say that but is your kid breathing though is your kid breathing? Yeah, it did scare us the first few times that happened

but now it's just how he how this little man rolls and he'll roll himself over if he Suffocated do you have one of those mattresses that tells you you know I'm talking about what no I didn't even know that's a thing. Isn't that, or maybe that was in the, the little, maybe it was like the bassinet situation that like, it shakes him. Oh, the nanit, yeah, the nanit. No, no, no, I'm sorry, the nanit is my surveillance cam, my nanny cam, but the, yeah, what is it, the snoo.

The snoo. Snoo. The snoo. Pizza, pizza. And then what, it shakes, it earthquakes you awake if you're not breathing or something? What is it? The snooze. The snooze. The snooze. The snooze. Pizza, pizza. And then what? It shakes, it earthquakes you awake if you're not breathing or something? No, if you wake up and it hears you or it feels movement, then it shakes you back.

It shakes you. It wiggles you back to sleep. Yeah, we had one of those. Why don't we have that for adults? That's what I'm saying. No, that's what I'm saying. Well, dude, I brought this up on the podcast and you said that that would be terrifying. I did? You said, yeah, I'm saying. Well, dude, I brought this up on the podcast and you said that that would be terrifying. I did? You said, yeah, I'm almost positive.

You're like, that sounds like a nightmare. You wake up and it's like an earthquake. And you're like, yeah, I guess so. I think it'd be cozy. I mean, when you're sleeping next to these farts. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I take it back.

Hey, I'm a changed man, you know? Okay, you're ready to get shook up if you wake up in the morning, you're ready to get a little. If it puts me back to sleep. Okay, yeah. Dude, I sleep like such an old man now. I sleep directly on my back.

I have a heating pad directly behind me. I have two pillows underneath my knees. I'm holding on to one pillow and a pillow behind my head. Right, and you have a cooking spoon in your teeth so you don't bite your tongue. The fuck? What the fuck, bro? I'm living in a nightmare. Right and you have a cooking spoon in your teeth so you don't bite your tongue And a lot of times I don't even hold on to the pillow I just go straight arms down because it feels the best because if you hold on to the pillow then you wake up and

Both of your arms are numb right? Wait, wait, wait. Have you do you fuck with the the weighted blanket? Like have you seen those where it's just like it's a slight pressure on your chest I guess and that makes just a heavy blanket yeah just makes people snooze but they're changing shit all the time with in regards to the kids yeah they when we had Bo it was totally legal and everyone was like I'll get the weighted blanket they love it they love snuggling with the weighted blanket I don't know about infants

They love being trapped and then and then it became me and then we didn't get one cuz I was like that seems crazy And then it became illegal, right? So there was make sure time and sell it and say that it's good And then it's a death trap for your child right and, and then it's that, there was that giraffe toy. This is so dad talk, I love it. Dad talk. Hey. It was like that super popular giraffe toy,

very soft rubber that kids would chew on and then. Francis, or is it just Francis? Is it Gerald? Gerald the giraffe? It might have been Gerald the giraffe, but one day. Producers, if we could just. One day, a mom or a kid eventually bit through the head and then inside it was just fucking black mold

and they're like oh this is mad dangerous for children. Hang on a second you say a kid or a mom bit off the head? Like mom like shut up! No like she like cut the head off or something cuz she's like oh what's going on with this thing but somehow but that's every bath to that too man ever like if you get a bath toy and like you're playing with it Whatever and then like I have several months a month later You like squirt all the water out and then all this like black stuff comes out and you go That's poison that's gonna attach itself to my son's stomach. Well, Todd is saying it's Sophie the giraffe Sophie Yes, it's Sophie. It, Todd is saying it's Sophie the Giraffe. Sophie.

Yes, it's Sophie. It is Sophie. It is Sophie. But by the way, we have Sophie. I just was letting Boat gnaw on it. Oh, you better read. About 15 minutes ago. Is that bad news?

Yeah. But also. You'll be fine. As long as Chloe doesn't bite the head off, I think you're good. Yeah, we're fine. No. I'm also like, dude, are we just a society? Are we bitches like a society?

Okay, go off 200% having just lived in Australia. We're bitches. We're just bitches dude like everything playgrounds there are Crazy where you're like they let the kids do this. It's made of nails mate. I mean it kind of is Yeah, they have a giant playground where we went, where they just had a giant like fucking like bounce house type thing just in the ground. Sick. So like, Oh, like a pit, like a gladiator pit.

No, it rises up out of the ground, like a giant bubble. And you, the kids all just go and jump on it. And it's like 40 feet long. That sounds dope as hell. And they're like up there battling, and little kids are getting like flown off. I remember one of the coolest slides from my hometown. It was a slide, it was a cement slide

that you had to bring your own cardboard to. And you'd pour sand on it to get extra speed. But if you lost the cardboard on the way down you just would Leakily tear through the ass of your pants and what's funny about this is your parents told you the LA River was a playground That they would take the kids to Box here anything you catch you can eat Yeah A box here. Anything you catch, you can eat. Go for it. Yeah, including the bacteria that is going to eat your skin, eat you alive. Yeah, the inside of Sophie's giraffe.

You better throw that thing out, man. Nah, he loves it. I think we've gotten like two litigias, everything. Like you don't even see, I mean, we've talked about tan bark before, right? We covered tan bark. I think we, because some of us don't call it tan bark. I think we discovered it's a regional thing. What are tan bark?

Wood chips. Wood chips. Wood chips, tan bark, whatever. Sure. How like playgrounds now are like the like soft rubberized thing that you can fall in. Almost like bounce back up. Tan bark, wood chips, it used to just be like, you would fall into a bunch of wood chips, get a bunch of splinters, pick them up,

throw them like ninja stars, that's all gone. Stab your friend with them. Yeah, it was a war zone. We grew up in a war zone, and that's why we're freaking tough as nails, dude. The people would deliver the giant piles of Tan Bark once a year, and they wouldn't even spread it out, because the kids would do it.

They knew. Nature took course. A huge pile and then let the kids go at it. King of the Mountain, you play a little King of the Mountain. Yeah. It was the best. Absolutely. I remember riding my bike on one

and absolutely eating shit. Oh, fuck. And looking down at my leg and a little like rock fell out of a hole and then I could see flesh, and then it started bleeding, I started crying, and my friend just starts laughing at me so hard. He's like, why are you crying?

Say it! I was like, it hurts so bad. He's like, yeah, but grow up. Yeah, don't be a bitch. I remember wiping out on my bike really hard. Yeah. Dude. Yeah, I was hit by a cement truck, dude. Did you cry? Yeah. Sorry. Did you cry, bro? Yeah. Don't be a bitch. Yeah, I guess I did at some point.

Did you cry when you woke up from that? Yeah, I was in a concussion for two weeks and I don't think I cried right when I woke up because I was so heavily medicated. Somebody help me! In a coma. Yeah, but I'm assuming at some point, and it wasn't so much the pain is like, your whole life is going to be altered from this. And when you're 40 years old, you're going to wear a vibrating back brace. Yes, and hold four pillows to sleep. Adam, if you haven't cried yet, I think the tears have gone into your spine and are wreaking havoc because then that's what's happening. Yeah, that might be what's affecting your body.

Yeah, that could be. Maybe you just need to have a fucking huge powerful cry. H-E-L-P, better help. Uh, no, I'm not dervish, dude. I do cry. I do have emotions. Yeah, they're readily available. I will say, just to continue on like the the dad cast

We're doing right now. Have you found yourself more? Emotional that now that you have a child have you found yourself more emotional. Yeah yes, I find myself like looking at my parents differently and like mmm every like sort of not that I've ever been really bad to my parents But just being you know how you get annoyed by your parents. You're like oh good Now I'm like your parents are the worst. Oh, we're talking each of our parents. Yeah My parents rock, but I was like for sure I'm You just got a you get annoyed by your parents, now I'm like, what am I doing, dude?

Like for everything that they've done for me, you know? And now I'm gonna cry right now. I'm gonna cry right now. I'm more saying like, also I like going to like, now that it's holiday season, kids are doing their little like Christmas shows and stuff. Holidays. You see your little kid up on stage

and then all of a sudden you just, you can't even film it because you just overcome with emotion a little bit. Oh no, you're a bitch dude. No, yeah. Yeah, that's bitch behavior. Bow to your sensei. I don't know.

Okay, okay. Yeah. Shut up bitch. I think I told you guys that when you were like, oh you didn't cry on the last day of Workaholics I was like I did it just wasn't with you guys on the roof It was when my kids showed up and I was like, okay, this is what it's all about. Come here. Oh, yeah I have a photo of the three of us or the four of us cuz Kyle came up on the roof Oh and I mean

Blake and I look like fucking little bitches. We are like full. It's okay to cry, that doesn't mean we're bitches. We just look emotion. We're full tears. And then, but there is a little misty happening with dirt. So he said he. We just smoked weed though, right?

Yeah, it wasn't the weed, it wasn't the weed dude. And if you look closely, there's a little camera inside my eye. Do you cry every time you smoke weed because it definitely was Let's say we're showing that photo Now yeah, I could dig that one out the crazy. I posted that on on the Instagram somewhere we can grab that By the way, I do cry every time I smoke weed. Yeah, that's what I thought. Do you? I just, I just go, this is a beautiful thing. Look at it. Look what Earth, Mother Earth gave us.

And it's just, it's a rich tradition. It's been passed on from humans from generations, different societies and cultures. That's cool. Just ripping the fucking volcano bag and crying. Did you guys open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Hot topics! This is important! Hot devices! Okay, young Christian males, talk to me. Young? Yeah, young.

We did it like this. We had, Christmas was at our house, so like grandparents and like there was a wild aunt who came over, right? Pizza pizza. So you would open presents from them and from like godparents and a godfather. Oh my god! And then the next morning open gifts from like immediate family and Santa.

Santa! Yes, of course. That's how you said it. You're so Norwegian you have to say it that way. Santa! Santa Claus. Oh, daddy did Santa Claus come to the house? Santa Claus, Santa Claus, Santa Claus. Oh, yes. And the horn. Yes, another big gort of both. Oh, shit. Did you just say something? That seemed real. We had like a whole Norwegian prayer that we would say like, oh, my God. Can you run it back?

Can you dig it? I don't know if I can snap us off with some of that euro. It's a yes or no. And the got the board, which means like in Jesus name we come to the table God tell you what. I don't need him's after hearing that card over here Okay, speaking of him's the Bible Oh space drinker, which is like eating drink. I don't know what theroom vroom vroom. E, uh, e, oh, spesa, drinka, which is like eat and drink. I don't know what the rest is.

Eat and drink, get fucked, fucked up. Get the fucked up. Yeah, that's what it is. Thank you, you know it. Absolutely. Damn, that's sick, bro. I'm hyped. So you would say that before every Christmas meal?

What's the deal? Every like big dinner, my dad would get out this little like thing that had the words on it. Hell yeah. I love how Norwegian you are dude. You really are. It's crazy. I mean I'm not, that's the dirty secret is I'm not. I'm not that. Because I feel like other people from Norway they don't really rep it the way Anders has since the very second I met him. He's wearing like Norway hats. He was like repping it. I mean, I think I had like a heli handsome ball cap with a Norwegian flag for sure like bought on purpose But like the name they just tagged me with the name and you just wore clothes that seemed European I was like, I don't know something's off about this guy and you see yeah, you dressed like an exchange student for sure

Yeah, yeah, you gave off really like this dude is euro sure. Like he's not from here, but then he is. He's just from Chicago. Yeah, like the most from here place ever. Right, that's what I'm saying. Maybe they just dress European in Chicago. It's elevated a little bit. Could be. No, well, I mean, it's more elevated

than I think the rest of the Midwest. It's got a little bit more happening in Chicago. Yeah. Okay, go off. Oh yeah, no, dude, there is nothing happening in Omaha. That's why I dress like I'm currently about to work a tractor. I don't know. I have no fashion sense.

Some article of clothing has to be sweat, like sweat shirts, sweat pants, sweat shoes. Or camo. Yeah, yeah. pants, sweat shoes. Or camo. Yeah, yeah. I do got a lot of camo. Camo adjacent. When Emma's uncle visited, he just showed up in camo. He's from Northern Wisconsin and just was like fully camo'd out and you're like,

yeah, it's gonna be hard to find you. Cognac! Dude, I love that it's now looped around that camo's cool again. I'm like, I have so much camo shit. I'm so happy. Yeah. And the real camo. Or sorry, I don so much camo shit. I'm so happy. Yeah. And like the real camo. I'm sorry, I don't mean like real camo. I mean like that looks like bushes.

What do they call it? It's called like real. It's a trademark. It's like real wood or there is an actual term for what you're talking about. I know. Which I don't know. I know. I started.

I go, there's a name for it and you're like actually There's it's they call it something call it a real name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Blake. Oh, sir. I don't like it I think it's called real tree is it called real tree real? Okay might be a real tree. We believe you dude Why are you getting so aggro? Well because you guys just jumped down my throat. So Blake it is you're from a broken home Let's get it Last time you cried okay from a broken broken up seed now even that term seems a little old to me I is that is this a triggering word did we find it should be it should be differently differently together Okay, I don't know about broken okay, but they're not so they're not they're not together at all It should be differently, differently together, okay?

I don't know about broken, okay? But they're not. Yeah, they're not, they're not together at all. Divorce. Yeah, differently. No, it's, anyways, what's your question? How do you open presents in a broken home is what we're asking. I think we found Blake's triggering word,

and it's broken home. No, I'm actually super really. I'm very well adjusted. So what? You seem crazy. Yeah, you want to see about the loser. You want to see crazy? No, sir. I don't like it. You want to see crazy? So what did you do? What was it? You're at your mom's house the whole time or did you? He just looked up to the sky. I I've blocked, like, I don't wanna get it. I've blocked this out, I've blocked a lot of this out.

Let's go there. This is what I go to betterhelp.com for. Let's go there. No, I basically, I kinda lucked out, I hit the lottery. That's why I was, nothing broken about it, buddy. It was actually very fun. I got two Christmases, okay? Yeah, I was always jealous. I mean, wasn't always jealous because because I did one my parents to break up, but yeah not in the

But it's very much. It's way better not to be from a broken home right Anders. Hmm. Yeah I don't like I don't I would know I wouldn't even know any different. So yeah, you should try it. It's pretty cool You should try it. It's pretty cool You should try it. It's character It's it's something so But I was I when my friends that word their parents were divorced They you did get I have two Christmases which did seem awesome And it sort of seemed worth like they were trying to like outdo each other a little bit competing Yeah, it's the best a little bit even Competing. They were competing a little bit.

Even when they said they weren't, they were like, you were getting two of everything. Because if you had the Nintendo 64 at one house, you're going to have to have the Nintendo 64 at the other house. Wow. All I remember about divorced kids was they had a book of CDs that they had to take back and forth. Oh Jesus. That was like the true sign of a kid whose parents were from a broken home. A CD book? It was if he had a big CD case. So he was like, well I had a big CD case. I wasn't from a broken home. You got to take your CDs. Well I think your generation co-opted that. They're like, oh, this is pretty convenient. You got that from us.

In my generation, I had a CD tower. It was established. I had that as well. That shit was fire. I love that Ders finally admitted he's from a different generation than us. I always have been. Yeah, he's much, much older.

I'm pissed now! I've always been Gen X. I'm Gen X and you guys are millennials. That's sick. Are we? We're officially millennials? No. That's why I'm so edgy and hardcore and I'll never sell out.

Well done, brother. Well done. That's so cool of you. So was that the case in your household, Blake? You know what? Now that I think about it, I think my father, as far as when Nintendo 64 came out my father had the Nintendo 64 my mom didn't so that kind of incentivized me to like go to his house more Yeah, well just to be kind of like hyped on it like yeah, yes, and did he play it when you weren't there

Do you know no not at all my dad did not play net to the 60 I don't know yeah I don't know I know I'm and I didn't mean to jump down your throat, but no he he did he did he didn't play games. He doesn't like that kind of shit really Yeah, he likes real like real life your dad lives life. Yeah, yeah making he's out making money. He hates video games He hates Star Wars. He likes real life shit. This is my guy. Yeah. Yeah, it's why we connect. It's interesting It's why we don't so Okay, anyways to Christmas Adam what was it like in your solid home my solid ass home your rock solid family, dude It was awesome because my family my dad's side there is six

He comes from a family of six So there was a lot of aunts and uncles and other cousins and then we did it at our house so our house was a fucking throw down part a baby. And some shit would go down usually like an aunt would get drunk. There would be some sort of scuffle. scuffle There would be like a where you don't really know cuz you're just a kid running through the the living room of the kitchen But there was like some adult talk happening and they're just wrestling about how we need to give get someone help There was a lot of that conversation happening. I'm drunk now, but above your head So you don't you just hear somebody yell Michael Dukakis and you're like something's going on in there. Yeah, something's happening. There was no

There was absolutely no political talks. No voting. I don't think they ever, they knew that there was an election ever. Oh, dude, I do remember my grandma, the one thing I do remember about politics as a kid is my grandma loved Ross Perot. Cannot finish.

She fucking loved him too. Cannot finish. Yeah, she was so hyped on Ross. Yeah, who's not? That was good years. So Friday or Saturday present sitch? Yeah so we would in our household it would be presents with my dad's side of the family on Christmas Eve. It was a absolute throwdown banger. You hope you got BB guns. I had a BB gun room in my house.

Wow. Because we just had like a basement that one room wasn't finished. It wasn't like a nice house. It wasn't like, I mean it was a perfectly nice house, but it wasn't like a huge home or anything. I'm living in a nightmare. But there's just this room that my parents let me shoot BB guns in. I remember you speaking of that.

So then we would go down there and shoot BB guns. Yeah, that's fucking cool. And it was the fucking best, dude. And so that was awesome. And then the next morning, we'd go to my mom's family's house. And that was way shittier. Just, you know. Fuck it.

They're just more low-key? It was way more low-key. There was like fucking things. there was like two other cousins And everyone was perfectly cool and nice but like right there wasn't ruckus there was it wasn't wild It wasn't a party It was just like eating and opening some presents and then my aunt would always give me, you know RIP my aunt she was the best but but she would give me like wooden whistles every year She's the best!

The four-sided one? Yeah, what's that one? Oh dude classics like a ninja star? What are we talking about? No, it's like a it's like a long square shaped whistle square wood Yeah, like a train whistle like a whew whew it would make that noise Yeah, kind of but you there's four different notes so you could blow like one or and like rotate it to get a different No, that is right classic Gen X shit, bro, that's Midwest. I got this gift every year So I was like a little bummed every year cuz I'm like, I know she's gonna give me a wooden a wooden whistle And she's like, I don't, did I get that for you? And I'm like, you did, but my mom would always be like,

Bucky doggie. Like, did she get a deal one year and then she just had them in the basement? Bought them off of, remember Oriental Trading? That was a magazine where you'd buy like bulk items of cheaply. Sure. Sure. I'm offended. What did you say did you say Blake I know you're talking about it was a catalog called I'm triggered you just got me fair enough it's a it's an outdated word I feel like I like to get triggered on other people's behalf good yeah and that's why I get freaked out about the gay thing yeah, for you. Like it just makes me, it makes me crazy to hear that. For on behalf of other people.

Yeah, my trigger word hits really close to home, but yeah, but yeah. So was it from, was it from O Trading? Or was it? I don't know, I don't know where she got it. Was it from Things You Never Knew Existed? Oh, have we talked about that here? We have, right?

What's that? Great catalog. It was like the like, It was the best. The catalog that had all the gags and stuff, like fake poop where you hide your key, or like toilet paper that doesn't break off, like snapping gum.

It was the coolest item. Vomit! It was on par with Sky Mall magazines from airplanes, like just the coolest. Oh, I would put it above Yeah things you like really funny t-shirts like Big Johnson t-shirts were on there. I think something about like like multiple personalities where it'd be like I don't have multiple personalities neither do I and like small lettering or whatever You know like really funny shit

Blake sold it for me yeah the way he lost his train of thought Like it's not a bald spot. It's a solar panel for a sex machine, you know Yeah, I've got the body of a god the goddess Buddha My dad would say that joke would say that joke so often what the solar The solar panel of the lemon he would say that so often and people would laugh every time he said it. And I was like, Oh, my dad's, this was like when I was a little kid. Right. And so I'm like, Oh, my dad's, this is where you learned it. My dad's a funny guy. He's a funny guy. And then I saw a t-shirt out and I'm like, Oh, my dad is so funny that people are wearing his jokes on t-shirts. Devastating. I remember telling my mom that and she was

like, no, no, that's just a joke your dad likes to tell it I'm like what do you mean just joke and just like it wasn't his he didn't write that joke That was just like a joke that's out there the world around you Crumbles it crumbled dude. I was like what do you mean? What do you mean? That wasn't daddy's joke? Stop it you put that spoon dad I'm like he's a liar. Yeah, he's, not a liar, he just told another person's joke. I was like, uh... No, he just steals jokes like Carlos Mencia. Topical. Very topical.

I forgot, she was deep into Comedy Central. Yeah, mine to Mencia, she loved that show. Same era. Yeah, she was so into it. So, immediate family the next day, not as wild, but you're opening the presents. Opening presents. So we opened presents two nights. And those are the good ones? No, the first night was the good ones.

The bankers. Interesting. Because we would get presents from all the aunts and uncles. And they were good at it. And they were good at it. So it was like they would all talk to each other. If I got a boombox one year, and then I got a crisscross tape and then I got Marky Mark and the Fonky Bonge.

Oh, shit. And then I got from my uncles, I would get Aerosmith and Metallica and you know. Wow. It was tight. Reload. And so then maybe on Christmas day, you're getting things you need from your family type gifts.

Pencils, socks. Yeah, like a pencil box. Sweatpants. Wooden whistles. More whistles. Yeah, my aunt would give me, they were like flashlights slash radios every year. It was like a new version of a flashlight radio situation.

Let's go. Like a survival thing. Is that why you grew up to love Apple products so much? You're like, this is like a flashlight radio. Huh. This is a flashlight radio. You could like hit an alarm on it. I think she just knew at some point

my dad was just gonna lock the doors and I'd have to survive on my own, maybe. Young Doom Prepper, I love it, dude. Yep, that's cool. That makes sense. Yeah, it just gets AM radio so that if like the war of the world is cracking off. You just got to be ready. You never know. You never know.

She's from Colorado. I think they think that way out there. The world is ending? Well, they're just a little bit more like some shit could go down and you could be out in the middle of nowhere. And you got to hide in the mountains. Yeah, OK. That's a Rado. Rado lifestyle. I believe that.

I actually do, if you guys do wanna know about my family's Christmas, I did remember. No. We're good. Still? Okay, moving on. Like again? But we did.

No, Christmas Eve, we actually would have a Santa Claus and an elf come to our house. Jesus Christ, you had a BB gun room, you had a fucking elf and an elf come to our house. Jesus Christ, you had a BB gun room, you had a fucking elf and Santa? Dude, then he money. There would be this knock, we would hear jingle bells outside, this knock on the door,

and it was the same guy every year, this huge dude, he seemed like he was seven feet tall, but he'd be like, ho, ho, ho, and he had a little man friend, this little round dude who would walk in with him. It turned out it was like this guy who worked with my aunt Arlene, and she's a nurse at the hospital. But every year, he would, and everybody would sit

on his lap and tell you, tell him what you wanted for Christmas, and he would give you a present. And it was, it was fucking cool, dude. Where is that guy? I gotta ask Arlene. Prison. Because I'll tell you what, I promise you, well I don't know, but I imagine he had no family,

and he filled that void saying, hey guys, if you got kids, I'll show up at the house, I'll bring gifts, they can sit on my lap. And they can sit on my lap. I rocked their, well why didn't you cry about it? Like he filled the void, what a good guy. He was like a nurse, He was a great guy. Yeah, he's a great guy.

Come sit, they could sit on my lap. No, I'm not going that angle. No, but well, at Ders, I heard you, I heard you, but Adam is in the other ear saying like, he's in prison, he's a pervert. That's how we live in your life. I'm on one side, he's on the other. Oh, you're like my mom and my dad.

Interesting. That's right. No video games and they could sit on my lap That was a great tradition. I had a lot of fun with that. That's very cool. It was really my uh That is very nice for him as long as he wasn't jerking off about he wasn't he was and we don't know No, he would like my aunt would sit on his lap and be like oh He always know you would always flirt with my hand. Oh, that's cool He would make it sexual with his go. That's cool. All right, so he's my kind of guy All right, you know my sex pretty full Dude, I remember you'd always be like a whole load in here

No, he really would he'd laid on thick and we all got a kick out of it cuz we're like oh as soon as our Lean sits on his lap. He's gonna have a he had a he had a lot of inappropriate jokes. I take it all back dudes like the candy He was hell of fun. I'm not saying it wasn't cool I hang with him now, but I don't want to bring my kids around him He was calling the kids but to all the moms like my mom my aunt Laurie Arlene like when he sat on he would make like Inappropriate jokes. It was really funny. like when he sat on, he would make like inappropriate jokes. It was really funny. All right, so yeah, he's tight.

I'm on board with him now. I got a little snow in my mustache. Ders is off and now I'm back on. I'm with this guy now. He's not too bad. Adam flipped it. I'm out. No, he was cool.

He was hella funny. Was there ever any like fisticuffs? There was never a fight that broke out in my family But there was always usually some kind of drama between my aunts and uncles or or something that would happen never physical. I do remember Somebody yelling that the Japanese were gonna take over fucking disaster my guy really very young I think it was like- Oriental Trading Company. You're being on, hey, watch it. I think I remember that.

It was like, they were talking like business. They were like, doesn't matter, Japanese are gonna take it over. And hey, but you know what? In that era, early 80s, Japan was on the move. They were on the rise. They were crushing it. They were on fire, PlayStation, you know, Sony.

Yeah, Japan rocks. Japan rocks. You guys have been there. I've never been there. Sony, PlayStation. Is Sony Japanese? Yeah. I believe so. I don't know, Sony, Japan Rocks. You guys have been there. I've never been there. Sony PlayStation. Is Sony Japanese? Yeah. I believe so. I don't know. I'm asking.

I think so. Yes. I would almost 100% Jeopardy answer. Don't tell my grandpa that. Please. Okay, let's go. Do not. Do not tell my grandpa. Please go in the Mitsubishi. Mitsubishi.

I believe. AOI. All the good stuff. There was all kinds of crazy shit when I was a kid. It also, I remember, I might have told this story on the podcast. Probably. But my, probably. But my cousin ratted me out. I showed him my box of Sears catalog women.

Like brazier cutout situation. Yeah, I'd cut out the women in bras and keep them in a shoe box. Binder of women. Not an actual box of women. A shoe box. And I was like, look at this dude. And then he ran downstairs and was like, oh my God. Everybody, look at this dude and then he ran downstairs. He was like, oh my god Everybody look at Adams Adams a creep. I was eight. This guy was 18 years old

I was gonna say this is a huge power move by an older Uh cousin this he wasn't he wasn't like three years older where you're like, okay He was also a kid and and he thought it was funny. He was an adult man. What a fucker He was 18 and I was eight dude. I'm I still to this day. He's my least favorite cuz wow, dude He's my least favorite. Yeah, yeah because it because of the betrayal at that age Yeah, Adams triggered Adam King drive past the Sears. He has to go around the whole block. Thank goodness. They're going out of business That's why I I put them out of business. That's why I put them out of business. Yeah, they're done for.

Sorry Sears. Why did Sears ever have a catalog? Oh, because they sell clothes as well at a Sears? Yeah, they sold clothes. I always knew them as selling appliances and shit. Tools. Why did Sears have a catalog? Because that was the thing. I thought they sold like refrigerators and washing machines.

They sell it all. Oh yeah. That was the thing dude. They sold it all. What the hell? But catalogs were the thing. Sears Christmas catalog, the fucking service merchandise. Things you never knew existed. Nacies. Oh yeah. Bring back catalogs. I miss a good catalog, dude. Flipping through catalogs.

You know what was the shit? I think I told you guys about this before, but Neiman Marcus, we didn't get this catalog, but the Neiman Marcus catalog was like the fancy catalog. And in like 1981 or 82, they had for sale his and hers Chinese sharpays for $2,000. No, his and hers. There's no way they sold dogs. Chinese sharpays for $2,000. No! His and hers, there's no way! They sold dogs? Well, in 1982, dude, were you even a lot, you were like one years old. They sold dogs? I didn't know about it until later, but it was, it like made the news because there were like these weird looking dogs that had almost gone extinct.

There were only about 20 on the planet at one point. What? Fuck it. This like thing that they were like these $2,000 wrinkly dogs kind of put them back on the map and made them like brought them back. This is like dog trafficking. They were selling actual live dogs in a Neiman Marcus catalog. Like, yeah.

Like living, breathing dogs. Because they offer rare his and hers shit every year. I would hope they're living and breathing. I kind of let that slide out. No, I'm thinking these are like ceramic, but you're talking about actual pets. They're selling some pets. Because they were that rare that it was that cool.

Where the hell were they keeping these things? Cages? I mean, dude, it's not like, obviously they had a breeder set up and they just put it into the catalog. Yeah. They're not in the store and just cages. This is the eighties, dude. I don't know that everything is obvious in the eighties.

That might've just been a warehouse. No, they have all sorts of gifts that are like a full season of Does your husband like Yankees baseball guess what he can go to every single game all flights all hotels like lined up, okay? I didn't know they did all that shit. That's kind of time. I'm very unfamiliar with the with the Neiman Marcus game What was it Neiman Marcus was a super duper high-end crazy almost just to like it was like a PR stunt like it was like how crazy can our Christmas gift catalog be right? So they just they just have these insane gifts that make people go. Holy shit. Did you hear did you hear? so That doesn't exist anymore because Neiman Marcus is a store. Yeah, they're still yeah

There's they still exist, but they I think the the catalog is gone catalogs are dead. Yeah. They're still, yeah, they still exist. But they, I think the... The catalog is gone. Catalogs are dead. Yeah, catalogs are over. But how cool is that? That's cool. I feel like the nicest store that we ever went to was like Dillard's. That was like the high end.

I didn't even know that there was nicer than that. In Omaha, there wasn't. There wasn't a Neiman Marcus. Oh, righty then. Back to my point't. There wasn't. Yeah. Unneemon Marcus. Alrighty then. Back to my point about Chicago and that kind of stuff. Yeah. But what's Dillard? What is Dillard's compared to?

It's like a Nordstrom. It got bought by Nordstrom I think. It's not a great name. Dillard's sounds like it should be like a hardware store. Wow. Dillard's today sounds like hardware or they sell like sandwiches. Offended. In the Midwest it's Dillard's. There we or they sell like sandwiches offended in the Midwest. It's Dillard's There we go. Now I'm on board Dillard's is nice Dillard's sounds fancy It just depends like what you see in the fucking window and you go that's my association now is Dillard's look at that tuxedo

Mommy daddy, are we fancy? So Dillard? Sorry. You said Dillard's is like a is like a Macy's right? It's a department store like like a higher end department store. Okay, we did not have that. Lord and Taylor, do you guys know about Lord and Taylor? See, now that sounds fancy. But have you heard of that or no? No, I do not know what that is. I do not.

You don't know about Lord and Taylor? Damn. It seems like ladies negliges and stuff. It's a department store. Oh, okay. Which is mostly women's stuff, but like Lord and Taylor was the one we had at our mall you fancy bitch This is so fancy. I love that what about do you guys remember the Franklin mint? Do you remember that Franklin mint anybody?

I think you mean Franco Frank no, no, no Franco. I believe it's Franklin Franklin mint. I believe I think it's Franco What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, you keep saying the word, keep saying I believe. What are you trying to say? I don't think it's Franklin, it's frango. Franklin, I think it's Franklin mint, and they would sell like cool like chess boards, like that would be like a golden jade.

What are we both talking about? Well, I like that Isaac and to help to help Blake know in the chat He goes they'll have a website so they'll have a website from Isaac. I'm looking at frango frango Mets No, look at Franklin mint man, please. Okay, so it's the Franklin mint. Yes, and they sell getting radical Okay, so this is not a department store. Oh, the Franklin Mint. Franklin Mint. No, Franklin Mint is just coins.

No, no, dude, it was a store. Yes. It was a store. Okay, so it's a store... Unique gifts and collectibles. A store called Franklin Mint, and it was like collectibles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But mostly coins. But Blake, Blake, what you did was you just said the Franklin Mint, I think. He said mints. Do you know the mints? He said Franklin Mints. The Franklin Mints. The mints. I think, I think you didn't say collectibles.

You didn't say it's a store. You didn't say it's a store in a mall. Just be honest. There was no context there. Did you think that they were mints and then you remembered it was collectibles? Just be honest with me. When I said coins, did it go? And then you were like...

I went back to the Andes Mountains, my favorite mints, the Andes mints of course. We're back! No, Franklin Mint. Franklin Mint. Mint. It was a nice store. You guys said nice stores. The nicest store you ever went into, the nicest store I ever went into was the Franklin Mint.

Well, see, you gotta put it in context. You have to say the nicest store I ever went into was this store called the Franklin Mint. Oh, that helps me. Finish him. You didn't do that. You just said Franklin Mint, Mint, Franklin Mint. I do believe, I do believe Franklin mint mint

I thought and so what is a Franklin mint store look like? Is it like one level? Is it many levels are there escalators are there glass elevators? No, it's just it's a small store It's like a little boutique shop over. It's you know, it'd be like the same as going to is this like a mini mall situation Well, no, I only know big malls It should be like the same as going to... Is this like a mini mall situation? Well, no. I only know big malls. So we were talking giant department stores, and then you brought up this very tiny store that sold Funko. The only places I know where department stores are is attached to malls, correct?

Isn't that the only place, like Sears, Macy's, JCPenney's? Yes, I would say most of the time. Yeah. OK. Mostly. We had a downtown, but yeah. Well, I well, as you gravitated towards the middle, the the most expensive store I knew of was Franklin Mint. And what did you see like expensive baseball cards or anything in there? Like what was do you remember anything?

I remember it was a Star Wars chessboard that I thought was pretty freaking sick. It like, it was like, it had gold plating and I was like, oh damn, I want that shit. Hell of bad. Heavy pieces and shit. It looked really cool. Was there ever like a gift or anything

that you guys really wanted that you just didn't get and you're like a little. I feel like we've covered this for me. Oh sir, I don't like it. We covered it. The dogs from Neiman Marcus. Didn't get and you're like I feel like we've covered this for me. Oh, sir. I don't like it covered it The dogs from Neiman Marcus didn't get a dog didn't get the name as mark neem marks dogs I think that was it my brothers bought their own Nintendo my parents didn't give them one because they were like no We're not doing that fucking Nintendo, and then they like pull their money and bought their own. That's hard. Okay, that's awesome Yeah, that's really sick. I had two parents competing for my love, so I got everything I wanted.

Yeah, I always knew that you were spoiled when I met you. I was like, this guy's spoiled. He must come from a broken home. Daddy gets what daddy wants. Yeah, no, my parents were pretty good about it. They really tried to give everything they could when it came to Christmas. They didn't have a lot of money so it was stretched it so it was all it would always be like what you actually wanted and then the worst version of that thing is what is what you got yeah I know exactly where you're going yeah like I remember I wanted a pioneer stereo for my room that had the detached speakers so you can put them in different places. And then I got like kind of a shitty boombox. Sure. But I was like, OK, yeah, it worked.

It works. Yeah, you know, that's similar. And then and then you have to have a conversation like, well, about Santa. You're like, well, why wouldn't Santa just give me the thing I wanted? And they're like, well, Santa's he's got like there's levels to this. Yeah. Right. Is that what they said? There's levels to this. I remember my mom said that based on the grade of how good you were that year,

and it looks like you weren't good enough. Oh, damn. It's science. Which is funny. And I was never, it made me feel like I was never good enough. Because I never got the good stuff. And that's why I'm triggered. You weren't kind of like yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember trying to poison the kids. Yeah, I rocket man Children yeah, yeah, I got the series naked ladies. Yeah. Yeah

Through the rocks at the car yeah, yeah. I think we covered this too. I wanted a My Pet Monster, right? You guys remember that? And he like breaks the chains. And they gave me the football one instead of just like the OG. And I was like, all right. Well, why don't you cry about it?

Yeah. The football one looking back, super sick though. Super sick, had a helmet, but I think my dad was like, come on, son. Yeah, football. Stop, please stop swimming. Come on, don't be gay. You're like, dad! Yeah, don't be gay. Super sick though super sick had a helmet, but I think my dad was like come on son football stop Please stop swimming. Yeah, come on. Don't be gay. You're like Oh, I think I just uncovered something My parents I really wanted a he-man

Sure, I had the other I had different he-men, but I didn't have He-Man. And I'm like, why don't I have He-Man? Prince Adam. And what do you mean when you say you had different one? Like you had the blue He-Man that was evil? Oh, what was his name? He was a robot. It's a funny name too. The robot.

So that's what it was. It was, they, for whatever reason, either couldn't find, I'm assuming the robot He-Man was on sale. Faker, his name was Faker. Well, over the regular one was sold out maybe, and they were like, eh. Yeah, I'm assuming the robot he man was on sale faker his name was well over the the regular ones have sold out maybe and they were like yeah I'm sure it was sold out and they they got me that one and I was like I was so disappointed I was like but I just wanted the actual one now I have the evil that you got my dad then had to be like no evil's cooler. Evil's badass. You heard it. You wanna play with the go. You were set on a path.

Dude, this He-Man listens to ACDC. Oh yeah. Yeah, this is a rock and roll He-Man. The other He-Man is, come on, he's no good. He hangs out with She-Ra. Adam, was there a difference between Christmas before the cement truck and after? Yeah, dude. Where they they were like he's alive we're gonna just like give you everything you want that first Christmas back or were they

Like no Christmas present really Yeah, the aunts and uncles and people in my life would give me great gifts but it was so funny to see and I I was it was funny to me at this point mm-hmm but so I wasn't as soon as you woke up from the they would give me like new shoes and I'm like my feet are swollen I can't wear shoes I can't and they're like get early ah or they're like a new basketball and I'm like I can't dri and I'm like, I can't dribble I can't stand I can't walk. Did you put in?

Does anybody put wreaths on their like wheelchair wheels? Sure, sure Yeah, I'm sure that's happening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't I don't remember ever really decorating my my wheelchair Oh, that would be fun. Spokey dokes. When people decorate the wheelchair for Renaissance Fair, it's always awesome. They decorate them like dragons.

I really like that. Right, yeah. But it's a wheelchair, so. I would have walls push me down this ramp and then hide and then act like my wheelchair is out of control. So I could just plow into things. Don't care. I would just like smash into the garbage can and have shit go everywhere and be

like, I'm sorry, we lost control and have Kyle like be chasing after me. Like, oh, he's out of control. That's really good. Good old days. Yeah. Meanwhile, everyone had just watched the whole setup and everything and they're like, look at those fucking kids.

This guy starved for attention. This would be for bad grandpa. So this is pretty cutting edge stuff. Yeah, it was before Jackass. Yeah, that's really cool. Change the game. So this is the Christmas episode here, boys. So this is a lot of-

Wow, good thing we talked about Christmas. How'd you know that? A lot of Christmas talk. That's cool. They said it in the chat. That's cool. Oh, okay. So you read that?

Yeah. Hot, hot, hot, hot! ["The Christmas Tree"] Do you guys wanna hear a gross story? I do, absolutely. Please. I mean, I just, this happened and I was like, well, I'll save that for the pod. So I had like an infection in my fingernail and I had to like, it started getting like

swollen and like pussy and I couldn't fucking sleep. I was crazy. Went to the doctor. I don't know what it's called, but they gave me some antibiotics and they're like, it's just, it'll go away away It'll run its course Hopefully the like puffiness like pops and then like you got to like drain it. Okay, very shaggy dealing gnarly Right. Yeah, I'm not liking anything puss involved So like the other day I like take the band-aid off and I can see it's already starting to kind of like come out

I go great. So then I like get it all out of there empty it good to go and then today It's mostly gone, but there's a little bubble left And so I'm putting pressure on it And I'm like squeezing the tip and trying to like find where that hole was that it came out from yesterday That's what she said. It's just not coming out and worm worm came out. I know I fucking like really Squirt it. I like shove it kind of hard. And it shoots like a water gun out of the hole.

I'm gonna come. Just into my hair, like a full spray. You something about married yourself. Let's go. Yeah, you just squirted all over your hair. It was so gnarly. And I'm just sitting here by myself, and I can see one strand of hair just has a bead on it.

And I carefully get up and walk inside and tell Emma what happened. She's like, you're gross. I'm like, I'm going to go shower. And I just had to hose it down. But the human body, you know when you're going through life and you think you're good to go, and then something just gross happens on you? Yeah, it's science.

Oh yeah. I'm just an animal. All the time. I'm just an animal. Yeah, I mean just a few months ago, I found that stitch in my foot that's been there for 30 years. What's happening?

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just crazy. Yeah. Dude, did you guys get my family photos from my Christmas family photos? Do you guys? Oh, I did. Very nice. Very, very nice.

Splendid, you guys. You guys look adorable. Why are you gripping your kids' shit like that? By the chunk. Yeah. You hold Bo by his cock. Okay. Offended. Emma goes, look at the the car and I go,

why is he just gripping Bo fully? Well dude, that's how you're holding him in the front, like that, and you're just like this. That way he can face forward. Never done it, not a fan. All right. Allegedly! He's a baby, he like doesn't even have a dick.

A dick is so. That's not what I'm saying. And I wouldn't, that's not what I'm saying. And I wouldn't... That's not what I'm saying. What are you trying to say? No, no, every... Holding your baby that way is very natural, very normal, but it was funny that Ders said that because I was also like, damn, my Adam's got a grip on that, bro. He had a grip.

Well, he was wiggling. Well, you guys are by... Yeah, and you guys are by water and stuff. It seemed a little treacherous. Yeah. Okay. Well, it was fine, water and stuff as it seemed a little treacherous. Yeah, okay Well, it was fine, but he was he was just wiggling a little bit Yeah, so I was trying to get him to settle down we forgot bike is afraid of water And by the way the water was like 15 yards behind us

It's not the rocks were jagged weren't they the rocks were pretty yeah kind of I'm trying to give me the benefit of the doubt dude. Yeah, but if you look closely Chloe Chose that photo and I like the photo just fine, but I didn't really look when she was like, hey, what about this photo? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Whatever you choose get away Um, yeah, you see my baby toe you see my little half toe what playing his day and really? Yeah I got a little stub. My little stub is just glistening down there in the sand. I'm pissed now I'm gonna have to look can I tell you something? No one's gonna see it. They're gonna be looking at that grip now we are Now we are I'm gonna go double-check now. Okay. I remember it being very very cute

Okay, those all those holiday photos are very I didn't realize it was I didn't realize I was gripping gripping him so hard and I'd like to send an apology to my son in the future because you know We're gonna keep this and he's gonna grow up and be like dude. Why were you gripping me so hard? I mean like I don't you know, I don't know. I'm also wondering if that's how you're holding How how's it gonna get any bigger if that's how you're holding them that tight? Yeah It needs to breathe. It does need to breathe. Let that bitch breathe Did you guys ever think, like, I remember when my dick wasn't growing

at the rate I wanted it to, I'm like, huh, maybe it's cause like my underwear's too tight or something. Did you ever think that? Any other thing? In this, it's another. I don't know. Are you talking about like sixth grade when you're still in tidy whities

and you haven't like transitioned to silk boxers yet? Yeah, and I'm like, well, maybe well, yeah sixth grade maybe a little later, but still like it was like yeah for Blake It was a 11th 11th grade When did you start wearing boxers? I I don't recall. I don't recall Probably probably sixth grade. I think mine was I think I think seventh grade for me Yeah, yeah, I remember seeing men in the locker room like boy man. Yeah, I'm going I think I need some boxers Yeah, dude It was it was rough

It was a rough go when you go to high school and you see like when you have to like shower Afterwards yeah, I feel like that stops. We didn't have to do that. What did you have to shower after? Were you on like the wrestling team? No, we did it. It was after gym class. You could shower real quick. If you got real funky. We weren't even allowed to. Oh really? Like the shower, there were showers, but like they didn't even turn on during the day. It was for like the basketball team after school or some shit. And I don't even know if they showered. That's advanced. Oh really?

Yeah. Yeah, you were allowed to take a quick dip if you wanted. I remember being like, I want to, because I was a little stanky. But then you peek in and you're like, I'm not going in there. There's all these like older kids in there doing shit. And I'm like, no.

I'm good. And by doing shit, I mean showering. They're not fucking each other. I know that's a, I know that's a, Blake got a little excited. I'm not gay, dude. Say less. I'm not gay. They're not fucking each other. I know that's a- I know that's a- Blake got a little excited. I'm not gay dude! Say less. I'm not gay, I'm not crazy, alright?

Crazy guy. Which is being like- I remember being like, wow, the amount of pubes they have. If I take my underwear off right now- It wasn't even dick size. It wasn't even dick size. It was the amount of pubes that they have. Yeah, yeah. I have like three squirrely hairs. They have a full mound. You're like what bro? You guys don't wax? You guys don't wax, bro?

Pussy. That's pretty funny. I do wonder like in this day and age where I imagine everybody's like even like super young you're like grooming your shit because- Weird. Yeah, but- So do you ever have a moment where you're like, I'm going full. I mean for women it's different.

No, because I think that public nudity is, we reeled it back a lot. Like we reeled it back like. Oh there's no, I feel like our generation. The 90s. Was the last that there was ever like a public shower happening. Yessir.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Right. Which is a damn shame. I remember going to the gym with my dad and then he's like, okay, we're hitting the showers. And then all of a sudden I'm a brown grown naked man taking showers.

And I'm like, And you're like, I'm not taking showers. And he's like, dude, what? This is normal. And I was like, there's nothing normal about this. Right. There's nothing normal about this, brother. Yeah.

Well, when you're young and you're like dick height, it's, it's. It's fucked, bro. It's not. It's nothing normal about this, brother. Yeah. Well, when you're young and you're like dick height, it's... It's fucked, bro. It's not. It's not. It's not hittin'. It's not that bad. Well, that's... That was the scary part, like, of going to...

I remember going to... Oh my god! Like, a sporting event and those trough... The trough! I mean, we've talked about this, but those troughs... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're standing directly next to and directly across from just a man's throbbing hard cock.

Also, I've been noticing this a lot at public parks in Los Angeles. There are, the shitters don't have doors. What? Have you been to a park where the shitters don't have doors? Yes, they can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't have doors on our shitters in high school. That's fucking crazy

Do we didn't there was there in our high school? There was the shit there was three Shitters because that's we're calling them now not toilets. Yeah, we should cool. It's really cool. It's cool That were right next to each other and there were no doors or walls there was just toilet toilet toilet Crazy, I remember my freshman year on the swim team, we went to some school and they just had a toilet on the wall and shout out. Well, I mean, whatever this dude, Alex, who was on the swim team, my freshman year had to take a shit and we're all changing. And he's just right there. And he's got like a hand over his eyes, like a little kid who thinks they can't be seen right? We're just like yeah, obviously just dude

I got I got a lot of props in high school for doing just that I was freshman year I had to take a shit prop and I just was like I'm gonna go take a shit and I took a shit there And there was all these like juniors and seniors in the locker room and they're like oh shit the fresh Who's shitting in here, and I'm like and then I'm just committing. Dude! And they're like, oh shit, the French are shitting in here. And I'm like, and then I'm just committing. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Now you're a legend. Shit man.

And they're like, yeah, they were like, oh shit, he's a wild man. And then they're like high fiving me in the halls. You're a rockin' man, right? Why are you high fiving me? You shot that shit out of him like a rocket. I shit. Do you get diarrhea too? That's cool, man.

You have to lean in. So it can work for you. You just have, man. You got you have to leave. Yeah, so it can't it can work for you You just have to commit you gotta lean in yeah, I'm never leaving this toilet You can't cover your eyes. You have to just be like call me the shit man I heard about a dude who went to summer camp and the toilets would face each other so you would shit looking at each other That's fun. They've like made a game of it where you're like. Yeah, this is what we do. We're shitting We're wiping her ass. We're well You know what you do is then then you get some like pebbles or some rocks or like maybe a raisinette

And then you try to you try to like a premeditated thing Yeah and then you you and a buddy you're shitting across from each other and then you try to Like underhand like beer pong toss. That's cool beer dice toss the rock in between the person's legs. And however, if you, you know, whoever gets the most wins. Wins the shit off. I love it.

That's cool, man. My kid came out of the bathroom in public the other day and he goes, God, the toilet in there was weird. Do not go in there. And then he goes, actually, the sink was weird too. And I go, are you sure you used the right one in the right way? Like, did you pee in the sink

and wash your hands in the toilet? Whoopsies! We had a good laugh, guys. Hot, hot, hot, hot! Any take backs or... Dad talk! Any take backs or fun parenting stories? Take backs, apologies, epic slams.

I would love to take back any trigger words I use today for my guys. I know that, you know, there's things that we're all sensitive to. I'd love it if you guys were sensitive to the stuff that triggers me, but just know that I. What is that? Your broken home? I wish you wouldn't use that word because it's not broken. It's just for sure. Differently together.

Okay. Right. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. So stop with the broken. It's not broken. Yeah.

Amputated. It's not. Yeah. Amputated. It's not amputated. Fractured. Fractured home. No, that's not. No, it's just differently. It's just weird. It's just weird. Let's get weird, brother. I'll take that. I come from a weird home. Okay. So that is, that is your, I was just confused as to what your trigger word was. Oh! Okay. It's differently un-normal. I'm glad we got there. It's not divorce. I'm fine. I was fine.

It's broken. You should just own it. Yeah, maybe just own it and don't be a bitch about it. So when you see other people from a broken home, you're like, hey, what's up my broken? It's not broken. It's not broken. Hey.

We can say it. It's not broken. Yeah, we can say it, they can't say it, we can say it. It's not broken. It's not broken. Yeah, we can say it, they can't say it, we can say it. I love you guys. Yeah, that'd be a smart thing for you. That's a cool club. I think that's a cool relatable thing.

It's not broken. It's not broken. Yeah, and there's a lot of people from broken homes, so I feel. Do you have a take back motherfucker? No, I'm good. Okay. I stand on everything I say. she ain't missing with no broke broke

Yes, you know Okay, stand on business. I would like to wish everyone You know a Merry Christmas Holly jolly and a happy new year saying it again Merry Christmas Oh, also never stopped Adams Adams holiday card Merry Christmas period End of sentiment. Oh, wow. I didn't even clock that. Yeah. And I send it to a lot of Jewish friends as well. Purposely.

I'm just saying, for me, it is a Merry Christmas. Well, you need to write that. For me, it's a Merry Christmas. I wish me a Merry Christmas. And also, by the way, if you're Jewish, send me a Happy Hanukkah. I don't care. That's fine. Send me a Happy Hanukkah. I'm not offended. I would love that. Yeah, that's right.

What's to be offended about? Nothing. Except for most things for Blake. I'm not offended. I'm just, please, tread lightly. Okay. Yeah. Sensitive. This is another long, long, long episode of... This is important! Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho ho ho!

Okay, Theodore? Okay! This is my favorite Christmas song of all time. Dude, banger. Sorry about the broken home stuff, Blake. It's fine. I love you, dude. Sorry about the record. Thank you.

That's all we can afford. That was it? We probably can't even afford that.