This Paranormal Life - #034 The Terrifying Hairy Hands of Dartmoor

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

So you know how to deal with a ghost, a ghoul and possibly even a goblin... but what happens when you come across a severed pair of monstrous hairy hands? What do they want? Why do they love strangling so much? Time for Rory and Kit to #INVESTIGATESupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are we the robots, and did we create our own masters? Are bananas witches, and do they float? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Oh! Welcome to the podcast, we are back again on a Tuesday! As always! Bringing you the latest spooky paranormal tales! I'm your host for today, Rory Powers.

I'm freezing! It's so cold in here. Joined by my co-host and professional paranormal pal, Kit Greer. Aye aye, Captain. How you doing today, Kit? Not bad, bro. We're on a bit of a, this is what I like to call the hangover of the paranormal year because Halloween is gone gone and much like the demons and ghouls that walked the earth during that brief time we are now dead we are drained of life we are like as paranormal investigate what do we have to look forward to everything from now on is like christmas and like new years and like wholesome like family I mean, I guess Christmas, there's the biggest ghost of all, Jesus.

Right, yeah. Started running around the place. That was a big event in the paranormal community, I suppose. Rose from the dead. I mean, that's pretty spooky. Very documented. Drink this, it's my blood. Pretty gnarly, all right.

Eat my fleshy bread. Is someone watching this guy? Goddamn. In a sandwich? In a goddamn club sandwich? Are you serious? There's never been a better time to say praise Ra. Someone, a man you can get, well, a bird man you can get behind.

Exactly. Most politicians are brought down by their human mind and their human fallibility. But Ra is all bird all god he has upped seed production in the last year by 200 percent there's been a decrease in foxes badgers and larger woodland creatures his immigration policy seems harsh yes but he plans on moving all humans back to egypt to the motherland known for such famous quotes as car um look you know we've been doing some heavy stuff recently that's right we've been doing big stories alien abduction time traveling computers a whole mockumentary on halloween

i think we should strip things back and get to the core Of this paranormal life Let's investigate A paranormal beast Yes back to the cryptids Exactly Let's take it back to where we began Now it might not sound like We're stripping things back

But what if I told you We weren't investigating An entire creature? Oh, shut up. But instead a pair of demonic hands. Okay. Alright. Interesting.

So let's get started. Our story begins and ends right here in the UK. Excuse? There's a long road called the B3212, which stretches from Post Bridge to Two Bridges. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. This sounds very fake.

Two real party times. In the early 1900s, something strange started happening on the road. Reports of cyclists crashing their bikes started pouring into the surrounding towns interesting i mean that's not strange because people crash bikes all the time and this is the 1900s so i assume they're riding those mental penny what are they called penny farthings yeah the giants what end of the 1900s you're talking about though if you're talking about 1999.

Yeah, that's true. If they're writing penny farthings about the place, there's probably no brakes in those things. No, not at all. It's like when they first invented cars, they couldn't go over like five miles an hour. They were basically slower than walking. Yeah, exactly.

Take a horse. The horse has crashed on the road. Body's mangled. Can you imagine if horses had got to the point where you needed seatbelts and airbags for horses? I feel like they are at that point. I mean, people die riding horses. Can I drift on a horse is what I'm asking you, sir? Can I donut a horse? Can I recreate Tokyo Drift?

Paul Walker style. Tokyo horse. Tokyo horse. Tokyo nay. can i donut can i recreate tokyo drift paul walker style horse tokyo horse tokyo nay i would love to remake the fast and furious franchise but with horses on horseback keeping all the tattoos and the like la street style yeah but on horses like led underbelly lit horses yeah japanese import horses it wasn't long before these accidents were followed up with even more stories okay pony and traps were also driven off the road crashing into the side sorry so ponies were driven off the road yes So horses are crashing. Yes. I forgot about that part. Forgot that was coming. Kind of glossed over it.

They were crashing into the sides and eventually drivers of early cars and motor coaches were telling the exact same stories. Was there a bar located? Some sort of drive-through liquor store somewhere on this road granted it was a difficult road to drive along but let's not focus on that part of the story right now let's focus on the fact okay that everyone that drives along this road crashes their car horse bike yeah that's fair that's it's weird you know that's it for me as a paranormal investigator that's enough for me to start charging money to start saying y'all need me out here because this road is haunted. You're at the side of the road with a stick, putting it into the spokes of bicycles.

Pay me! I've got like tire spikes laid out on the whole freaking road. Dressed as a goddamn ghoul. A giant billboard. Fell off your horse. Call Rory. Call Rory. They're like, who is Rory?

There's no info. Pop out from behind. It's me. I'm here. The road became a death trap. That escalated quickly. There were numerous accounts of drivers simply losing control on the road, having their vehicles swerve violently off the center,

almost as if something had taken control of the wheel. Very dark. Despite these numerous crashes, almost all of the... Despite the... I have hit my tongue. Okay. So bad. Oh my god. I feel like we shouldn't have recorded this podcast maybe on the road no yeah do you think that was bad is it bleeding I made you yeah it is is it bad I yeah absolutely yeah the the all white outfits

it's I mean it's red oh no I'll give you no could you do me a favor and call 0800 Rory he's also a medic you're Rory yeah I would say do you really need me to call him call me

hello how does this help it's okay it's alright I can't help you right now I freaking bit my tongue I don't think you understand where this is going At least pull over the car

Despite these numerous crashes Almost all of the victims survived And the road became So not a death trap Well look A deathly Threatening road And the road became no more So not a death trap. Well, look, a deathly, threatening road. Fair.

And the road became no more than a local curiosity. That is, until June 1921. Okay, so this is a long time ago. Okay. Dr. E. H. Helby, the medical officer for Dartmoor Prison, was driving down the road on his motorcycle with his two daughters riding along in the sidecar. That's cute. It is kind of cute, isn't it?

I like that. Rest in peace. God, they're poor little souls. Shit. Were they going somewhere in a hurry or perhaps just a midnight stroll? I don't know. I didn't research it. or perhaps just a midnight stroll.

I don't know. I didn't research it. Regardless, they're driving down the road late at night when all of a sudden, Dr. Helby starts to lose control of the motorcycle. Oh, dear. He desperately tries to stay on the road, but there's nothing he can do. The motorcycle skids off the road

and his two daughters are catapulted violently out of the sidecar. When the vehicle finally comes to a stop, the two girls are luckily still alive. Oh, praise Ra. But Dr. Helby is dead. Oh, no. Papa's gone.

This is one of the saddest things that's ever happened on this podcast. Yeah. Shit. I know. Little girls losing their dad. Anyway, call rory i also sort out child placements and protection care i have a diversive portfolio this manslaughter case will be off the books in absolutely no time i will help you guys out it's like uh rory we have a two little uh orphan girls here their dad was just killed in a vicious car accident. They need place to foster home almost immediately

I bit my tongue again. I can't come to the phone. You're on the phone I can't believe he's the only person on the on the adoption register. This is insane. You can't look after children I'll be there in five there in five two kids like beer Insane let's take a little time out here. What's going on, Kit? We got this road in the middle of nowhere. There's cars driving up and down it. Cars, bikes, horses.

The most controllable car of all time. It's true. And they're all crashing. Talk about automatic braking, suspension. Yeah. They've got a built-in years of evolution. They're built for this shit. Exactly. But still, they are lying mangled on the sides swerve off a road and crash exactly how does how is that

fair that's what we're here this is what we're here to investigate have you ever driven on a windy road uh yes yes i have it can be quite scary that's's true. Also wet roads. Yeah. Mindy roads. Yeah. Just roads. You're going too fast, which I do plentiful, plentiful times. Illegal. Right. I just go as fast as possible sometimes. It's like, you know, when you're cooking something and it's like sticking the oven at 200 for 30 minutes.

Yeah. Boom. 400, three minutes. Why does it go to 400? I mean, that's insane simple math here i feel like you're not following me here okay so think about this okay one pie let's get it cooks at 200 yeah for 30 minutes so two pies 400 10 minutes max i mean even though twist 180 back in yeah what do you twist 180 twist 180 so it's burnt on all sides i like my pies crispy

i feel like you like them more than crispy why do you think i keep biting my tongue i'm starving the taste of anything not burnt is delicious to me it's borderline filet mignon. Even as a child, my home economy teacher said I like to burn all the nutrients out of everything. That's why I was so pale and malnourished. So what you're saying is there is no explanation. Yet. As of yet. As of yet.

So people are still claiming that the road is cursed. But why? What exactly is happening on this road? Well, soon after Dr. Helby was killed, an army officer was driving down the road late at night. Okay, this is a guy trained. Exactly. Trained in combat. Trained to maybe even drive military vehicles. Yeah.

He can fight off entire armies let alone possible hands. That's how it works. He's driving home probably just trying to get back to his girlfriend

or wife or boyfriend. I don't know. Didn't research it. Could be gay. We don't know. But as he's driving down Could be a pedophile

for all we know. Yeah, actually that would make sense with a lot of stuff he's about to do. He would streak on B3212 people described his ghastly hands grabbing the wheel i mean him helicoptering his genitals might have

caused most of the crashes up to this point of course yeah but as he's driving down the road on his motorbike he starts to get chills down his spine Right Something doesn't feel right All of a sudden The bike becomes more difficult to control Oh boy He has to fight to stop it from swerving off the road As if someone's trying to make him crash That's when he looks down To see a pair of horrible, muscular, hairy hands

Grabbing onto his motorbike Jesus No body, just hands. What? The grotesque hands have clamped down over his and violently shook the bike back and forth. Whoa. The man desperately tried to keep control of the bike,

but the hands were too strong. They slammed on the handlebars to the side and forced the bike off the road until it crashed along the side and forced the bike off the road until it crashed along the side but luckily the army officer survived so he gets to town and he starts telling his story telling everyone about what happened to him about the horrible demon hands yeah and all of a sudden the history surrounding the b3212 road began to make sense. It's all coming together now.

Hi. Sorry, did you miss the hand part? It was pretty crucial to that last paragraph. I just don't understand how any of it... It's all coming together now. The horses strangled. Okay. The bike pushed. Why are they so muscular?

You gotta be, man. Why do ghost hands have to be muscular? Maybe they came from a muscular guy. Because it's one of those things, like, if you die, you are a ghost how you died. Right? I think we talked about it on this podcast before. It stands to reason. We talked about that guy who's, like, a hardworking lawyer who does, like, nine to fives every day of the week.

But then one day a month has to cater at children's parties as Bozo the Clown. That's right. Bozo the Clown. And that's, you know, that's the one day he dies. That's right. In the two hours a month that he is Bozo. Yeah, very, very infrequently. That's right.

So maybe this guy, he was just like, maybe he was just like an honest to goodness. It was early 1900s, so he could have been like a hardworking horse strangler who had his hands chopped off, bitten off by horses. And he would come back to kill. He was cursed to roam the earth doing what he loves every day. Struggling horses.

And horse-like vehicles. Because where do failing racehorses go? You know whenever you watch a racehorse and it fails? It's like whenever you watch a horse race and some horses are doing great, and they're doing up at the front and they're winning all those bets for all those gamblers what about that horse at the very back

oh he seems to be streaking behind a little he's like a good bit behind the pack where does he end up that's right strangled horse strangler well it's nice these days you know we're a bit more civil and we've matured as a civilization so now the the slower horses we can just take them aside bash their brains in blow their brains out that's right that's right that's right uh just at that point they're still breathing but we kind of stamp on their lungs a little bit get all that breath out cave them out yeah worst case scenario strangle them sometimes i'll just start with a strangling uh-huh just to get a ball rolling less bloody it gets me more excited um interesting choice of word yeah so it's boring to you to kill

a horse with your bare hands but exciting to strangle it yeah you know i don't know if you've ever heard a horse talk but what it was saying with its eyes is worth a thousand words that's what they say a horse's dying glare is worth a thousand words that's right isn't that what they say some shit like the horse is mightier than the sword or something because they can kick hard trust me i've been kicked by a horse multiple times it's hard to strangle from the back i wouldn't recommend that thing that monks do where they suck their gonads into their body so they can be kicked in the nuts. That's what I do. I have to do.

When I'm strangling horses. I'll be honest with you. Nine out of ten horses get away. They honestly do. I actually live pretty fulfilling lives. Super honest. I've never managed to actually kill the beast. Most of them are freaking strong.

Most of them actually pretty freaking don't want to die or some shit. Weird how when the hands of death are around their neck, the slowest horse is actually pretty freaking fast. And I mean, a horse neck is kind of like the width of your waist.'s pretty large kind of hard to get your hands around it it's more of a hug a death hug it's just ragdolling you about the place i can see it now over the years i mean the damage i've dealt to the horse is really minimal to the damage multiple horses have dealt to me. Because you're in a wheelchair at this point. Yeah.

You're darned to strangling ponies. Frustratingly just as difficult as well. Those little bastards have a good bit of fight in them. Their chair makes their backwards kick about dick height. That's really kind of sore. dick height that's really really kind of sore the good thing about a full-sized horse is it is if it gets you you're gone you're done but with those shetland ponies if they make contact you're infertile they don't run the shetlands from what I've experienced. They're very much the velociraptors of the horse world.

I swear to God they can freaking talk with each other. One time I was about to strangle this one pony. And I turned to my side and another one came from the bushes. Some freaking clever girl just jumped me. Kicked me in the nuts. A tricky girl. A tricky girl. Thanks for listening to This Paranormal Life. So he tells a story about what happened. And soon, the horrible, ghostly, hairy hands become front page news.

You know, journalism wasn't the same back then. I guess. It doesn't take long to be front page in this magazine. So with people now freaking out over the hairy hands the local authorities sent engineers to investigate and repair the road which i don't know what they think they're gonna do here you're sending an engineer to do a paranormal investigator's job exactly don't send me to fix a sink. Exactly. That's like sending me to fix a goddamn electrical grid. Yeah. Yes, it happens multiple times a week.

Yes, I collapse the grid for many cities around the world. Right. And it's miraculous that they keep hiring me. I wouldn't hire an engineer to strangle a horse. He doesn't know the proper technique, grip, or has sustained the injuries to know the risks involved. Nor would you hire a horse strangler to do pretty much anything but strangling horses right i wouldn't trust them with a lot of activities so these hacks i guess that were sent out right patch up the road a little bit fill in any potholes

etc they think that'll fix the problem yeah maybe i guess they're thinking either that people are crashing because of the crazy road or maybe these haunted hands are pissed off because their road is messed up, and now it's, like, fixed up, and now the hands will be happy. Yeah, they're real sticklers for kind of public services and that. Right, right. Either way, they think they've fixed the problem. No. More crashes came piling in.

Later that year, a bus carrying tourists along the b-3 don't have a bus there Had a horrible accident and this is one of these old-fashioned coaches was just there's no top. Oh It's like a big Jeep essentially. I see I see I see the vehicle was apparently speeding down the road Not a good start. For sure don't speed. When suddenly it swerved and dashed across to the other side, where it smashed against a bank. Oh no. Bear in mind as if the no roof thing wasn't bad enough, seatbelts were also not compulsory at the time.

Of course. You can see where this is going. Several of the passengers were ejected from the vehicle. Of course. After the dust had settled and the passengers had been rescued the driver swore that a horrible pair of hairy hands grabbed the wheel and forced i like this story i just feel like anyone after the first time right they've got an excuse they've got a fantastic excuse or it could be the hands.

It could be the bottles of whiskey clinking around the driver's seat of the coach. What do you do? The hands were angry when the road was broken. They're pissed off when the road is fixed. What can people do to stop these hands from terrorizing them? What do hands want? That's the problem. It's because, like, if this was a person, if this was a ghost,

just a standard old humanoid-looking ghost, you could kind of get inside their head. You know, we could get a name. We could see what was in their past. Do they have grievances with those who are still living? This is just hands. Just hands. What do hands want? I haven't learned a lot about the paranormal,

but I do know that if you like it you should put a ring on it and maybe that in turn maybe some unwed muscular hands and marry a little nice ring on the hand of the yeah on the hands will maybe bring it peace like it found love in a hopeless place it's very much hopeless yeah i don't know if these kind of horse wrangling coach driving types are the type these hands want to wed yeah i mean because also these hands could go anywhere if you get what i'm saying but they very much just want to kill i don't know if love or affection is really what they're after if that's in their vocabulary yeah abilities well the hands continue to wreak havoc on the road and this is where i mean for sure close the road how many people have to die how many people have to be expelled from coaches and thrown

out of side carriages of motorbikes from what i can understand this is a vital road a key road you don't want to close it okay the traffic will be astronomical death is a better option the traffic on the b132 whatever the f**k it's called jesus christ just taking a quick little break in the story here to remind you guys that we have officially launched our patreon which is patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life. If you want to get a little bit extra out of the show, some bonus audio content. That's right. Some sweet ass merch, praise rash shirts.

You can sign up for $2 minimum. What are you going to do with $2 a month? What are you going to do? You're going to give that to a homeless guy in the street? And what was he going to spend that on? Like essential housing, like essential food to live? You give the homeless man homeless man uh two dollars great now you got a homeless man helping you you turn the corner and you got bigfoot staring you down you're gonna turn to him and go hey buddy can you help me out here now he's gone he's bought two dollars worth a crack and he is gone which is actually a lot of crack these days i'll tell you whereas bigfoot

if bigfoot looks and he sees you wearing if he recognizes the the symbol of ra right on your t-shirt he will bow down to you that's right if you don't have another t-shirt honestly any sort of piece of food or anything will probably appease him additionally well don't tell him that info they're supposed to sign up for the $2 tier or $5 or, you know, the higher and then they get a little bit more information. Or for the $100 snack tier, you can keep Bigfoot at bay. We'll shoot him

for $100. We'll come to your town and personally shoot whoever you say is Bigfoot. It's more of a kill. Wink, wink. We are by far the cheapest hit men in the country. So please check it out. Feel free to support the show.

We really appreciate it. And thank you guys so much for all your support. Now, back to the hairy hands. This is where we'll discover our most terrifying encounter yet. So far, you've said people could be using these hands as an excuse to justify a car crash. This is where I'm gonna throw a spanner in your works kit. I'm just playing devil's avocado over here.

A couple of newlyweds were touring around Dartmoor on a relaxing caravan holiday when their vehicle unfortunately broke down right near the B3212. They really need to start calling it like Death Road, Death Alley.

Muscular Hand, Death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hairy Hand Pass. Hairy Hand Pass. I like that, actually. So the husband decides to follow the roadsides down to Princeton, Prince Town,

Prince Town. Okay. And get help. So he tells his wife to stay in the caravan and lock the door, just to be safe. We don't know what's out there he tells his wife to stay in the caravan and lock the door. Just to be safe. We don't know what's out there. So she's sitting there in the caravan. It's late in the night.

And suddenly, she hears a loud thump on the roof. Uh oh. Obviously it was a bird or a squirrel. Birds love questions. Couple of hairy, muscular squirrels. But it's late. She decides to check it out anyway of course she grabs her torch and points it towards the passenger side window where she discovers a

horrifying sight there's a giant pair of hairy hands clawing at the glass i'm still so confused like so i don't understand how you're not getting where does where are the hands cut off at i guess like right where like your palm meets the wrist it is a pretty definitive line i suppose yeah but it's just hands and hands and is it like is it like rounded off like i guess it's just it's hair they're very hairy very hairy okay hairy enough that every person has mentioned how hairy they are that's interesting it's borderline non-human at this point yeah that's a good point because how hairy do human hands get quite hairy but not hairy enough you wouldn't say they were human hands these people are saying muscular hairy hands okay out

of a beast okay or an unwed lonely man now some say she made the sign of a beast. Okay. Or an unwed lonely man. Hmm. Now, some say she made the sign of a cross with her hands. Some say she drew a cross on the condensation of the window. It's so passive. Either way, the hands eventually disappeared. So that worked in some way. Yeah. So maybe there's some sort of religious meaning behind it.

Okay. Demon hands, perhaps. When the husband returned hours later, she couldn't even speak. She just pointed to the huge handprints outside the frosty window. Wow. So we have some, like, kind of temporary physical proof. Yes. Well, we have some physical proof in are you in this story quote unquote some of these stories are quite well documented like the ones i said that were reported in newspapers a lot of

them very much blur the line between like folklore and past down rumors hey how dare you sir yeah like the lines are quite blurry here i think people have exaggerated in the past or like told stories maybe someone thought they saw the hands that's been passed down to the hands were scratching at the window okay type of thing okay understood now to this present day there are still reports of either giant hairy hands grabbing the steering wheel of a car or quote unquote, an evil presence inside the car, which in some cases leads to erratic steering. Whoa.

There's been many more cases reported all shrouded around folklore. For example, I've got a couple of ones. I'll just breeze past. Okay. Tackle them all. Fly through them. For example,

one account claims that a young army officer was walking down the road and was essentially strangled by the hands until he passed out and fell off a bridge. Jesus Christ. Another victim, I will read it even though I know this one isn't true. Awesome. Said, she saw the hairy hands and swung the car violently into the car park, grabbed her camera, and went back to investigate, and right there in front of her eyes were two black hairy hands swinging on the barbed wire fence.

Why do they have to be black? That's rude. It is, yeah, it's Dartmoor as well. So why do you, why do you know that to be not true? Because then they said, I've attached a photo, and it was a gorilla plushie

put on a chain link fence why did you even bring this up yeah you know what i might cut this one from the podcast this is really peek through the veil of this paranormal life research i've included this one because this is me admitting straight up that i know this one is fictitious and i haven't said that for the other ones because they've been very well documented and very well widespread reported okay aka fact it's not how it works but okay if you say otherwise i got a pair of hairy hands right now that are those things are very dark very hairy very muscular i only work out my hands ripped if you will yeah getting ready for round two with the old horses new shetland what's coming

in your wheelchair i show up they beat the shit out of me they're ready so while we've heard some incredible stories again i think it's also important as professional paranormal investigators to talk about the other side of this case. According to local skeptics, almost all of the accidents were caused by people unfamiliar with the area driving way too fast down a very narrow country road that had very high walls. And spikes on the other side of the bank and very high winds there's sort of like a micro climate of hurricanes around there i heard there was an oil rig as well like right beside it and the runoff was almost constant kind of icy oily sort of slush uh most of the year round nicknamed rainbow road after its difficulty to just stay on the path also some local shitsters would spray banana peels all over it i don't know what do you make of this

this is one of the most curious this is one of those puzzling tales we have encountered on this paranormal life. Right. Because of the sheer lack of context, we have lots of consecutive matching reports of hairy, muscular hands driving people off the road. Right. Facts. Do these... Hard evidence.

Do these hands... Just before you go any further, I'm just going to say beep when I feel like you're crossing a line. Okay, that's fine. All right, that's fine. We'll just keep going. Okay.

So we have these accounts. We have these matching accounts. Factual accounts. All right, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Okay, cool. So we have these accounts.

Beep. Please say factual accounts if you could, sir. I feel like you're putting words in my mouth. It's kind of hard to... You know what? I'm getting hung up on the little things. We'll move past that line. Okay.

So these factual or not factual accounts. Holding back a beep here. Really biting my tongue on the old beeps, but please continue. From lots of different people, but all saying the same things, that there's these hairy, muscular hands, and we don't know who these hands belong to.

Exactly. Do they have a body at all? What the motive is? I mean, do these disembodied entities even have motives? So this was my thinking as well. I need to research exactly what's going on here. If I can find anything in the paranormal world surrounding haunted hands, you know, murderous, hairy hands,

I couldn't find a lot lot to be honest with you but the one thing that popped up a couple of times was this thing called the hand of glory great sounds good this thing is crazy so apparently in olden times this was allegedly a candlestick holder that you would make from someone's severed hand. Are you serious? Yeah. Like, how olden times are we talking? This is insane. Very prehistoric.

I think around 1800s. It's not long ago at all. It's like your great-great-great-granddad. Well, okay. Late 1700s, early 1800s. Okay. Hand of glory. It's called a hand of glory so the candle itself is messed up there's a bunch of rules around it it can only be put out with milk in another version the hair of a dead man is used as a way dead man why it did why so much death

is used as a wick. Why a dead man? Why a dead... Why so much death? The candle would give light only to the holder. Okay. And also, apparently, the hand of glory

had the power to unlock any door it came across. Really? Yeah. Very interesting. Now, if anyone wants to have a go at making one of these candles at home...

Don't. You're in luck. I think we should not advocate this behavior. I can tell you how to make just stop a book from 1823 explains the process it's a relatively simple process so don't worry guys the hand is really the hard part okay get your hand no if you could just not i don't if you

could just release your grip sir yeah i would appreciate that you could just release your grip, sir, I would appreciate that. If you could just stop wriggling. Oh, no. And give me your hand. I think I see where this is. So to make the hand of glory, first get your severed hand. Next, oh, it's important to note, it must be cut from the body of a criminal on the gibbet. What's a gibbet? I don't know. That's for you to really like cut corners

in the research tonight hand this to you you gotta do a little work for it i feel like it would have been better had you researched that and saved the joke but anyway beep please don't interrupt again and uh watch your mouth while i'm trying to inform our listeners beep it must be cut from the body of a criminal On the gibbet Pickled in salt And the urine of a man, woman, dog, horse and mare That's a lot of piss I'm so confused Pickle it in the piss All of those pisses combined

Maybe not combined, maybe one after another Man, woman, dog, horse, mare As in M-A-R-E, not the mayor of your town. That's man or woman. They should have gone into more detail on that. I think they were quite specific for the severed hand. We are not finished. Smoked with

herbs and hay for a month to get rid of the piss smell. Because the piss really stinks it up. Very overpowering. Hung on an oak tree for three nights running then laid at a crossroads then hung this is my favorite one then hung on a church door for one night while the maker keeps watch on the porch just in case someone steals the piss hands yeah i forgot this isn't a candle.

It's just a severed hand. So we're walking by at 4am. Oh, is that a piss hand I smell? I was on step one. Grab this one. Who stole it? This is my piss hand. I mean, hand of glory, whatever the f*** it's called.

Alright, so you've done that you've hung it on the church door you've watched all night from the porch so quote on quote and if it be that no fear hath driven you forth from the porch then the hand be true one and it be yours thoughts on the instructions

so if fear didn't make you run away yes if you didn't get spooked in the night looking after the piss hand if you didn't freak yourself out with everything you've done up to this point it's yours i don't know if something's supposed to happen on the night like you have to defend it from ghouls or the man who has had his hand removed comes back for it or something and maybe the piss scares him off or something so at first i thought the ability to unlock doors was good right now i think in light of everything that it's cost i feel like it's not that good is it worth putting up with a piss candle for that long for that long just to open some doors yeah like what doors are we talking? And then also it's like, if you just then robbed a convenience store,

the next morning the police come and it's like, well, I don't really have any clues here, except that the place reeks of the piss of a man, woman, dog, horse, and mare. Who could this be? I saw a guy by the church porch watching a piss-covered hand all night. Screaming, be ye not afraid and actually regardless of the piss smell he was the primary suspect because everyone else in the town is chill it's just that guy also cctv caught him pretty pretty good he wears a cloak he really does so look i know we got a little bit off topic there but what if these hands were severed to create two hands of glory right but were never used in the

proper way maybe he only got to the piss stage and that made them angry maybe they were left on the the doors right and it was like a incomplete process of the hand of glory interesting i mean that is very interesting that was the biggest example of severed hands being used in the paranormal world that i could find so yes i am mashing these two together violently like a severed hand and a candle but i'll be honest with you that's my only hypothesis that's the only idea that i got going for me i mean if someone cut off your hands and they became sentient yes and they're like okay this is my life now i gotta do something as a pair of severed hands the next thing you know someone grabs you pisses on you gets a woman a dog a mare and another thing yeah a horse to piss on you after the first set

set of piss maybe that's it maybe these set of hands are going after everything everything strangling men crashing women's cars killing horses that's right god knows it was probably a hundred dead rabbits yeah a mare is a rabbit right no it's a hare what's a mare a mare is a horse type of horse something to the horse oh really i'm gonna google this shit right off the bat what size are their necks little they have little necks these mares it's an adult female horse oh my god that was a massive piece to this mystery that we just unveiled so essentially yeah he's killing men and women and crashing carts with horses there might be something there we don't know we don't know but anyway you've heard the stories you've heard the tales. You've heard about how to make your own hand of glory.

Kit Greer, where do you come down on this mystery? This is mad. Right. This is a very unusual tale. As I say, as I was kind of playing devil's avocado earlier, and I was implicating those people in lying, maybe, about this excuse of hairy hands driving them off the road. It's very difficult for me to believe in this right off the bat,

just off the stories I've heard. I think until we take this podcast on the road and drive to this specific road with a horse, with a woman, with a child in tow. Chain them up, bait style, like jurassic park where's the goat freaking we'll be in the back eating snacks with our night vision logs very safe exactly very safe very warm until we do that i can't buy it if what was happening to these people was more on the lines of paranormal i mean when you hear about hauntings and things and people say the furniture was moved the crucifixes were turned upside down in my house

all these creepy things i saw a face in the windows i mean these are car crashes yeah that's not very paranormal what's happening what's happening to lead up to that it's quite paranormal but the actual what is happening to these people that's fair very much just road accidents that's fair and i think it's hard to put your professional uh you know reputation on the line with such little evidence and i wonder you know how many of these fat cats were claiming fat insurance payouts yeah from these car crashes you know there's a hairy hand policy in play over here that ain't an act of god that's an act of hairy hands yeah that's not an act of rah that's an act of hands god knows that isn't covered and that is to my financial ruin yeah

rah claimed my house my wife my family and yet i still praise him or her every single day. Unconditionally. He is Lord of birds. He is Lord of snakes. I pray only that you take me next, Lord Ra. So I guess if we're coming down on this week's podcast, it's a double no. It's a fat no. It's a double muscular hairy no.

So unfortunately, yeah, that's a no this week for the hairy hands. That's right. Haunting the B3212. But what an exciting tale. Riveting. Again, I like keeping it fresh with like little lighthearted fun ones, you know? That's right. And then shaking it up next week with a crazy big ass paranormal mystery. Seven harder.

Yeah. Thank you so much, guys, for listening to this episode. If you want to check us out online, we are at This Paralife on Twitter. We are at This Paranormal Life on Facebook, where we also have This Paranormal Life Secret Society. Shh, don't tell anyone about it, but please join and spread the word.

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And congratulations if you are subscribed to the Patreon. Your horse can sleep safe at night knowing he can go unstrangled. But the rest of y'all better keep your eyes on the window because there's a couple of pale weak little hands clawing at him

Yeah, I'm the weak-handed strangler Fair Thank you so much guys for listening We'll be back next Tuesday with a brand new paranormal tale See you then Thank you.