This Paranormal Life - #057 Hikers Discover Evil Wooden Statue from Hell

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

Two hikers discover a strange statue in the woods with nails in its eyes and a noose round it's neck, so naturally they decide to take it home. Is it just a weird voodoo doll? Or is it really a demonic statue possessed by some sort of pond woman? Let's #INVESTIGATESupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If a towel dries me, who dries the towel? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life. Welcome to the podcast. I feel like I lost whatever brain cells I had left with that intro. I'm Rory Powers, your host for this week's episode, joined by Kit Greer. That's right. If you haven't listened to the show before before this is a paranormal podcast where every week we investigate a brand new paranormal story case creature beast whatever it is mystery and we will come to to a conclusion at the end

as to whether or not it is real or it is fake so just to dial it back a little bit um go back to the intro you don't know how towels get dry is there a smaller towel like a subspecies of towels so you think they're a species look how do you know all these very niche i leave the house for 72 hours when i come back the towels dry you think that has happened by magic open your mind kit that's what this podcast is about why do you leave ours for 72 hours at a time so on today today's episode of the podcast, we actually have a listener submission. Really? So this is from Pedro Santos.

Thank you, Pedro. He emailed into thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com and said, Hello, guys. I remember reading about this case a few months back on Reddit. It is probably just an elaborate creepy pasta but it might also be a legitimate case of an evil wooden statue from hell oh shit i guess i will leave the hashtag investigating to the professionals thank you pedro that's probably wise and another thing we do in this podcast is dive right into the action exactly so many of the you know you go

on itunes top 10 in comedy you're like oh i'll check this one out listen to 10 minutes you don't hear a goddamn joke but uh this is a paranormal podcast and things are getting pretty goddamn spooky yeah there's not gonna be any jokes okay no frankly we we clicked the wrong goddamn button when we set our podcast as goddamn comedy which is why we can never break the goddamn top 10 exactly frankly pissed about it everyone is marked explicit for some reason even though we don't swear piece of shit itunes oh god so let's dive right in on january 9th 2016 a man using the name wigged h Hiker, whose real name is Danny. Oh, this is Reddit.

This is Reddit. I forgot. Posted on Reddit about something strange that he was experiencing. Okay. The post was titled, Me and a friend found this creepy statue while hiking, and now strange things are going on. Anyone know what this is?

And for those who maybe don't know what Reddit is, just to clarify, this is where the kind of lowlifes of the internet, just the ground-feeding, bottom-dwelling scum. Cyber goblins, as I refer to them as. Moon goths and other such creatures gather on the internet and just talk about whatever. Also, just worth pointing out, any just talk about whatever. Yeah. Uh, also just worth pointing out any moon goths listen to the podcast.

We have our own subreddit populated by me and kits. We are mean, angry, small mods, but we allow some people to join. So thank you. Moon goblins for your time. Oh,

mighty overlords. What we haven't mentioned is we're actually a step below the moon goths i'm trying to carve off some of that goblin audience into our own subreddit so for accuracy of the story what i'm going to do is read out the very post that danny posted on reddit all right okay sure he wrote last weekend my friend and i went i don't... Should I give him a voice? I could do a bit of a... Do just a man's voice. I'll just do a man's voice. As opposed to,

What is your voice? A woman's, sir! Okay. A woman's! That does protest too much. Last weekend my friend and I went hiking in the Catskull skulls near sundown forest a real place no one with this voice has ever posted on reddit just saying and found this

creepy statue while around in some caves it has nails in its eyes and a noose around its neck looks like it might be old the statue really wigged me out but this is not the right voice and i love it yeah no it's perfect he's done a great job but my buddy decided to take it home with him even though i told him not to everyone says that there's devil worshipers that come out here to sacrifice animals and do their spells and shit so i didn't want anything to do with this thing. If you know that there's rumors there's devil worshippers out there in the woods, I think one, don't go.

Right. And two, don't take anything. Yeah. I wouldn't take a goddamn acorn from that forest, let alone a freaking voodoo wooden statue with nails in its eyes. Like if you're walking through that forest and you've heard those stories

And there's a little stall That says free donuts And there's just a little stack of donuts Don't take the donuts Don't do it A couple of days later my friend calls me and tells me He thinks the statue is haunted Because it keeps moving from its spot

And he keeps smelling weird stuff Wow He says he can't sleep at night Because a banging noise keeps waking him up Jesus, man. I mean, at what point do you just, like, I don't feel like there's any point in keeping this thing. No. After the first night that you don't sleep, for sure, just drive to the nearest bridge. Throw it in a river. Well, exactly. I remember being a kid. And you know when you're younger and you just go on walks with your parents or whatever?

And you're young. You don't know what you're doing. You're just picking everything up. It's true. And then by the end of the walk, you go back to your parents. You're like, look at the loot I've found. Look how much great shit there is in the world. You're like an empty bottle of Bacardi.

Like some seaweed in a lobster trap like it's just mess Your parents are just sighing as they break out the tetanus jab Now much you go back to your dad and go look Papa And you've got this statue of a woman with nails in her eyes He's like son. Please tell me you didn't make that thing. Oh, but I did, papa. Does it remind you of mama? Quite the visage, don't you think? Well, he did actually say in the comment, before we go set the thing on fire, I wanted to see if anyone knows what it is.

Anyone ever seen something like this or heard of a statue causing ghosts? That's a good question, actually. Anyone ever seen something like this or heard of a statue causing ghosts? That's a good question, actually. I think on this podcast we've talked about, we've got Robert the Doll. Yep. That might be our closest example. Yeah. A cursed object.

But he himself was the curse. He wasn't inflict, he wasn't carrying a spirit with him. He was kind of alive. Yeah, yeah. He was essentially just a little minion of the devil. Because that was an interesting way of phrasing he said uh an object causing ghosts causing ghosts interesting so like many of the online paranormal stories that we cover this post blew up oh shit people were responding posting their own theories trying to find goblin upon goblin was piling on to the gob pile posting their own theories trying to find some explanation Goblin upon goblin was piling on to the gob pile, posting their own theories,

trying to find some explanation as to what this thing was. The object became known as the crone. Oh shit, where'd that name come from? I didn't know this, but apparently crone means ugly old woman. Oh. Yeah, and I guess this was like the carving of a woman. Okay. And she's probably not looking great with the nails. Probably not. Yeah. Some believe the carving was involved with voodoo. That would explain the nails, I guess. Yeah, it definitely sounds voodoo-like.

And the noose. That's a bit overkill, isn't it? The noose is overkill. If you put some nails through the eyeballs. You don't need to hang it. Maybe it was hung and it didn't die. And they're like, all right, let's nail it now. Yeah, that's some medieval shit.

It's like, first, we will hang John Cornyu. Then we will drown you. It's like, what's the point? The first thing killed me. You're just doing these out of, like, it's unnecessary. Then we will waterboard you. He's been dead for hours. It does seem like kind of the thing they would do to a witch, doesn't it's unnecessary. Then we will waterboard you. He's been dead for hours. It does seem like kind of the thing they would do to a witch, doesn't it?

Yeah. It's like, we will set you on fire, and if you burn, you're a witch. Yeah, yeah. Okay? Others thought the statue was the work of a satanic cult. Right, yes, getting back to the satanic stuff. And a few commenters even tried to purchase the statue. Really?

But even with all these comments going on, it wasn't long before Danny replied to the original post. He wrote, My friend showed up here at 11.30pm. He's out of his mind scared. Never seen him like this before. Wow. We found the statue on Sunday.

It started out as knocks and banging, Wow. Really sounds like he does. He just ignored it until a few days ago when the statue moved from his desk into the living room. Last night, someone locked on his door at three in the morning.

He said he opened up the door to look outside and that's when he knew he'd made a big mistake. Like he just felt he shouldn't have opened the door. I don't think anything happened. It was just a bad feeling.

I don't know. Okay. He kept just a bad feeling. I don't know. Okay. He kept telling me that he was going to burn the statue because he knows something followed him home. Anyway, he stayed up all night

and then decided to go to the movies to take his mind off it. He says that when he woke up... Doesn't he have a job? The crone is really his life now. You know what they say, a crone isn't just for Christmas. A crone is really his life now you know you know what they say a crone isn't just for christmas the crones for life you gotta walk the crone oh the popular yo-yo trick walk in the crone so you put the yo-yo around your neck like a noose and nails in your eyes that was the last

yo-yo championships that was ever held in that time it's like the forbidden yo-yo trick walk in the crone yeah that's it it's like only two people have ever dared the maneuver so he went to the movies uh i guess it was a good movie because now he thinks everything's fine he's forgotten about it okay he goes to bed and he says that when he woke up, which wasn't until about 10 p.m., it was because his dog was barking like crazy. His life is falling apart so badly. Like if you're being haunted by something and the worst things that are happening to you is you have to go to the movies all day and sleep till noon. That's pretty, I'm ready for the crone. Yeah.

He says the dog was barking like crazy. He said the pond water smell was stronger than ever. And when he went out... Have you smelled a pond? What does pond water smell like? I guess just like earthy. Like an earthy damp smell. Fine.

You don't want it like rains in a forest. It's not really satanic. No. But maybe that's what's linked to this thing. It's not really satanic No, but maybe that's what's linked to this not like blood. No, I guess like it could just be a stinky little piece of wood Like why is it? Why is that paranormal chances of it? Just being a sticky little piece of rotten wood is very high. It doesn't even look like a woman There's one nail Frankly, it's an Indiana Jones movie prop.

Where was I? Pond water, pond smell, reeking of the place. Dog barking like mad. And when he went out into his hallway, he saw these muddy footprints everywhere. Oh, shit. This is some Jumanji shit. Yeah. The forest is coming to life inside his eyes. And they're not like shoe prints everywhere. Oh, shit. This is some Jumanji shit. Yeah. The forest is coming to life inside his house.

And they're not like shoe prints either. These are barefoot. Oh, Christ. This motherfucker's going primal. Dude. He's not even going to be detected. He's going hobbit. Robin Williams is in his house as the crone.

Muddy as all hell. Smelling like a pond. Now he and his dog are sleeping in my guest room. I've never seen him this scared. He even started crying. I know that everyone says not to burn it or whatever. So what the f*** should we do? He wants me to go to his house to get the statue tomorrow.

But I'm too f***ing freaked out to take it back to where we found it because i don't want to see you ever put it there um so what are your thoughts so far it's a funny story the dude's crying i mean mano on mano we are two fully grown testosterone fueled boys horny boys and i would never never in my whole life shed one freaking tear in front of you i don't want to propagate some toxic masculinity shit it's a good podcast name this guy might be being a bitch it's very hard to know it's very hard to know it is hard to know a bit driftwood got them all spooked why don't you grow a pear and burn it? I feel bad now. I belong on Reddit.

That would be me, the top comment. Burn it, coward. Because I just don't understand that if it's that bad, why don't you just don't throw it out your window? How hard is it to remove it from your house? I guess you don't want to anger the beast. Okay, so you believe in it now. Well, yeah. Well, I sure as hell aren't want to anger the beast Okay so you believe in it now Well yeah

Well I sure as hell aren't going to burn it This is There's a lot happening here We've got some curse elements We've got some haunted elements Yeah You know he didn't go Dear David style

And try and Fill him this shit Yeah So we're kind of taking his word on it At this point Yeah I mean we We don't even know Like this is Reddit

We don't even know if this thing actually is real. This could be anyone in the world posting. That's the subtext of this. We're going on Wigdout's... What is his name? We're calling him Danny, because Danny's his name. Okay. So we're going on Danny's Reddit post.

Yeah. Which, by the way, he's getting a hell of a lot of karma for this on reddit so you know i don't want to i don't want to throw it out there that maybe he's doing this for the karma but that's a possibility too i'm gonna go one step further i don't think danny even has a friend i think he's the one crying like a little coward and he because he picked up the damn wood crying over a piece of wood what should i do asking for a friend yeah he's just like so my friend um schmanny picked up some wood and now he can't stop bawling his eyes out because it's actually pretty freaking scary guys i appreciate you didn't make fun of schmanny in the mentions

get in contact at danny at hotmail.com. I forward it. Please email Schmanny at Danny.com. Schmanny at Danny. That's so good. So eventually, Danny and Schmanny get a message from a guy named Greg Newkirkirk a self-proclaimed paranormal adventurer really that's pretty badass holy shit i mean we went i'm not even mad i know we went just for the the typical course your base level course investigator hey don't let them know that we got a two-for-one deal on those degrees now greg newkirk and his partner dana matthews uh they've done a ton

of investigations and they actually have a traveling paranormal museum i know these guys yeah they're actually pretty popular online this week in weird this week in weird yeah and like weird hq i think are their sites yeah they they cover a lot of shit they are they're bona fide professional paranormal investigators out there in the room. Yeah. We actually know them really well. Yeah. We do wine and cheese parties bi-daily very often. Yeah.

I actually forget the cheese a lot of the time. It's mostly wine. My liver's f***ed. Yeah. My liver's f***ed. I have gout. My doctor's pleading with me to eat a goddamn vegetable for once. The gout is really the spookiest thing about our our meetings is just how much wine greg and dana can chug you know when

like uh you see in uh casper the the friendly ghost when he's just eating food and it's not he's not really eating it it's just falling out of his ass it's like greg and dana with wine like a whole bottle just glugging it's just flapping down on the floor we're picking up the tab our patreon is picking up the tab i'll tell you that much we had to start the damn patreon in the first part greg and dana's thirsty asses uh so greg messages danny and says look if this thing is real and you are genuinely afraid of it you can send the chrome to me and dana and we can handle it store it study it totally all safe and legit yeah so two days later danny receives a response saying thank you for the advice he mentioned that

things were getting even weirder uh that they'd started seeing a woman in the house. Shit. I know, Schmanny is shitting himself. And he ended the message by saying the statue had been put in a box and was being sent tomorrow. Wow. So I guess it's real. Yeah, so it physically exists. Yeah, or at least at this point,

it's assumed that it is existing and it is on its way. And I cut you off before you got to it, but they have a traveling paranormal museum isn't that right yeah a collection of paranormal objects that i think it's only across the u.s but they will travel around to a bunch of different events and things and you can go check out uh all of the objects that they have on display there because they wanted to bring it to the uk and we told them to f**k off our patch yeah that's our territory you

little weasels and they were like what's the name of your museum and we were to f**k off our patch yeah that's our territory you little weasels and they were like what's the name of your museum and we were like f**k off we don't have one yet our museum of the paranormal is a warehouse full of lombardi um yeah we we basically this is our the uk is our territory we have that on lock so just a little message to any of the paranormal investigators out there that want to step on our turf. They better step up. Step up or step out or step into the ring and get knocked down. Talk shit, get shot.

It's not even wordplay anymore. That's just a threat. Talk shit, get stabbed. That's our shout out to the end of the podcast. If you want to go the extra extra mile support us here's how to do it and remember chat shit get stabbed what would we put in our paranormal museum of haunted shit do you have anything that's kind of haunted i had a lucky marble once i had a broken furby yeah that would work yours is better here's lucky marble yeah It doesn't really work, does it? Welcome to this paranormal life.

Museum of Curses. That's a Furby and a marble. That'll be $30. Well, I would refuse to pay, but you've driven us almost 60 miles outside of London just to see this and we're kind of relying on you to get back

so I guess we will pay. These are also both very transportable objects uh there was honestly no reason why you had to drag us all out to devon to see this you open up the trunk and take out a marvel and a furby imagine how disappointed you would be or maybe one of those like you know you have to cover it up like a circus one so you're like cursed objects but it's a dark tent and you know they're like oh i want to go see the most cursed object in the world it's like ah that's 10 pounds to get in and they're like okay i guess i do it and then you know you get in it and it's got like a bit of a spooky like almost like a haunted house you sit in the on the the track and it's like going through like oh ghost comes out here oh

man this is gonna be great it's like turn back now yeah you're like oh my god this is gonna be crazy and then like uh you're going towards these red curtains and the red curtains just like part open you're like oh my god and then like a single spotlight comes down on a furby with a marble in its mouth and they're like is the marble cursed no worse it's lucky it's actually incredibly lucky and you're using it to run this shitty you have a magic lucky marble and you're running the shittiest haunted house um less than a week later greg received a small box. Him and Dana carefully cut the packaging open to reveal a hard lump wrapped in a stained pillowcase. Rude.

It's dirty wood. It's going to stain even the cleanest of pillowcases. I guess. Greg wrote, as we slowly peeled back the cloth, rusty nails hammered into wooden eyes became visible, followed by a noose tightened around the statue's neck. Whatever purpose this piece was created for, it wasn't nice. So it exists. Yeah. To the point where I actually have a picture of it right here.

Please. We've talked a lot about the crone, and i'm sure you have an image of it what it's going to look like in your head yeah tell me kit did it look like this so it is quite a creepy very dark wooden figure not obviously a woman in any way it's barely human i would say look at her hair look at her luscious locks it's a of wood. The noose around the neck is weird. It's like... Right? It is weird.

It is malicious. That's not a treehouse gone wrong, you know? That's something bad. Yeah. I mean, it looks just like... If you saw that for the first time, you would say that's a voodoo doll, probably. Yeah.

Just the nails. It looks like, you know, when a kid gets a hammer and a nail for the first time, and they're just bashing nails into a plank of wood and then they go to their dad and they're like, Papa, I made a time machine. It's nonsense. Yeah, and then they get put in a goddamn home.

In the white room with the very tight jacket. And then the dad is just left with the wood and he's like, stupid piece of junk. Throws it in a bin. Bin disappears into thin air. Runs back to the Assaid Asylum. Kicks down the door. The kid is being beamed up through the ceiling.

You failed the test, papa. So, Greg and Dana get to work. These guys are professionals, all right? Cue some montage music here. They do a little photo shoot. They take some measurements. You're a tiger. You're a tiger.

You're a crone. You're a crone. Work it, crone. They locked the office and they left to run errands. To be honest, they weren't really scared. These sons of bitches have a paranormal museum. Yeah. Like filled with spooky objects.

Yeah. They're not really going to be worried about just another one in the collection yeah they were off getting you know a bagel and a coffee listen crone we'll be right back he didn't do shit during the photo shoot so i'm sure he won't do shit later that evening greg and dana were watching a movie just hanging out having a good time then they hear this bang come from the office greg paused the film and went to check out what the commotion was the crone was popping caps in their living room gangsters paradise was blasting from the office the crone had actually rallied up a lot of the other paranormal objects into a gang he's being crowd surfed by haunted porcelain dolls

across the room with an Uzi in hand. Where do you get a do-rag from? Everything looked normal until Greg noticed something by his feet. Lying on the floor was a plastic figurine

of Jesus. This Jesus was normally nailed to a crucifix that they owned on a nearby wall. Okay. Not only was that strange, he was missing an arm. What? The crone ripped off Jesus' arm? The crone ripped Jesus

off of a crucifix and threw him across the room. Jesus, man. Yeah. It's kind of... Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of... Yeah, Jesus. It's kind of... Christ. Yeah, it was him.

It's kind of, you know, in science, you know, you've got a control, you've got a subject, you've got independent variables, dependent variables, all of that. It's kind of hard to pinpoint the activity of the crone in a literal museum of paranormal items right it could have been anyone could have been a haunted jesus for all we know yeah that's a really good point yeah maybe the jesus was haunted oh that would be a great twist wouldn't it and weirdly enough as we said sitting directly below the now desecrated cross was the crone was the crone yes was the crone responsible for what happened to jesus

possibly as in this yes the original crucifixion probably not probably not although maybe it could be one of those things where you like go into the bible and yeah look back at all the paintings in the old testament you know you're looking at the last supper and you like magnify one one block of ink and it's just the crone at the last supper right beside the salt shaker is a tiny crone okay i don't remember judas having so many nails in his eyes was it always like that just every parable of jesus is like him healing the crone. No one ever noticed before? Him feeding the 500 crones.

Take this crone, it is my blood. This is bad. Greg and Dana immediately set up 24-hour motion detection surveillance on the crone. Of course. I told you, these guys are legit. They're pros. I don't f***ing know. Oh, actually, before we... They didn't just post it on Reddit.

Before we progress Here's Jesus All smashed up. That's it. That's the Jesus statue that was ripped off the crucifix and you see the Chrome just sitting there It's definitely a bad sign. You do anything to Jesus and that's not good. Yeah, that means you mean business if you say yeah it's kind of like if you Worked at a company and you know company and you're like the male guy. Yeah. And on your first day, for some reason, you take the elevator up to floor 99 and slap the guy in the biggest desk you can find.

That's bad. You've pissed off now everyone from floor 2 to 99. two to 99 just yeah day one of the job you're signing your contract your your nine month contract you just immediately get your newly handed out security pass to activate the lift up to the top floor and you go in departed style grab the arm of the ceo and break his arm at the joint like you know how they say oh if you go to prison you like walk up and to like the biggest guy you can find and knock him out yeah not the guard don't do the guard get another judge as he sentences you it's a terrible idea it's supposed to be another prisoner like like smash the face of a porcelain doll or something yeah something else shitty doll yeah not the son of god ideally um for nearly two months

this surveillance camera sat in the room but there was no more evidence of paranormal activity it's very honest that they could say that yeah well i guess they were live streaming it as well i think okay so they have to be honest uh greg wrote sure there were occasional bumps in the night but when you store hundreds of haunted and cursed supernaturally influenced objects in your home you come to expect it so that's not a good idea it's what you said why are you putting this thing in a the home of the devil yeah it doesn't really make a lot of sense you Because, you know, if we took Rory's lucky marble and put it in their paranormal museum,

that marble might start rolling around. Yeah. Who knows? Exactly. Or vice versa. If we put my lucky marble in a bag of lucky marbles, how would I know if it's being lucky or if I'm carrying around a bag of luck?

That's very true. Yeah. God, very true. Yeah. God, I miss that marble. My life has really gone to shit since I lost that puppy. You're like, you know, holding it in your hand. You leave it on a train one day. Your girlfriend breaks up with you immediately. Your job fires you.

The bird shits on my head. Like as soon as I drop the marble. A flock of seagulls shits on you simultaneously. So several weeks passed and everything seemed chill the crone wasn't doing anything and i guess the rest of the haunted objects are being cool too so everything's cool okay greg is in the office and his wife dana calls him into the living room so he goes in and she asks if you just had a shower why would you stand on the furniture greg is like what are you talking about and she points down to a set of wet footprints on the back of the couch just like

exactly it hasn't stopped kit it just chilled out for a little bit. Jesus, man. After that day, the stench of pond water No. began to grow stronger in the house. What? Greg said there was an undeniable sense that something was with us. So he says he stormed into the office, grabbed the carving, and slammed it down on the coffee table

and began talking to the crone. Interrogating us in a departed style. and slammed it down on the coffee table and began talking to the crone. Interrogating us in a departed style. He said, hey, this is our house. We have rules. If we left you with the hikers, you would have found your way into a fire pit or a garbage can. If you found your way to a priest,

you'd be bound and buried, or worse, locked away on a dusty shelf for years. If you've got unfinished business, we'll help you put it to bed. But if you don't treat us respectfully, you're going in the box. What's a box? Greg says that the box is reserved for artifacts that don't play nice. I think it's just a box. Okay. That he locks and keeps them in like solitary confinement okay like don't didn't they do that in prison or was that just cinema prison

oh well when someone was bad and be like yeah put them in the the hole yeah it's all put them in the holes definitely yeah and the people go crazy it's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No.

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Yeah. Now, Greg says as soon as he was done ranting, the sound of rushing water started coming from the side of his house. Jesus, man. So they ran to check it out but there was no water then they went back into the living room and they heard a thud something hit the floor when they ran in the crone had managed to roll off the coffee table which is funny because it feels like that was a diversion and it was trying to get away but it just can't move so it's like like that was the moment that was its one shot yeah the crone was just lying there under the

television stand so greg's like oh god damn it being a little mischievous child again greg said as i knelt down and reached under the stand to grab the carving one of the nails shot out into his eye. Now you are the crone. The curse is freed. The crone turns into a tiny man that runs away. Ass naked. Wet footprints. Apparently Dana yelled out and had to rush to his side.

Greg says when I turned around to look at her she was propping up the television with both hands what the screen had nearly fallen directly on his head as if like the crone had tried to trick him into going down and picking him up and the tv would have come down on him this little trickster bastard it's crazy isn't it so that was more or less the end of the majority of the very dramatic paranormal uh activity that was happening with the crone with greg and dana now i will say these guys are pros they do a lot of coverage um it's some good content if you want to check it out and kit you'll be very excited to know and our listeners in the u.s as well the crone is now a member of the traveling paranormal museum very interesting and it is one of the few objects in

that collection that is not allowed to be touched at all it remains sealed in a glass case because it is so dangerous and reeks of pond water yeah it's really more a smell thing mostly a smell thing do you think the paranormal museum like do you think that their possession of that affects the value of their house like at what point does your estate agent catch on that you have a garage full of cursed items like when it's there's just portals in certain rooms and like all the crucifixes have been turned when it's there's just portals in certain rooms and like all the crucifixes have been turned upside down and there's just jesus is being chucked about smashed on the walls yeah it's like yeah i think your insurance is gonna go up definitely your jesus insurance

because you're burning through those yeah so that's mostly what happened with the story. Pretty wild ride. Pretty wild ride. I'll give you that, Rory. So it's weird because, I mean, obviously we've got this thing spawning from a Reddit thread. Not the most reliable source. Nope. But then the person posting actually follows through and this thing does exist. Yeah.

It gets sent to a reputable source who we know are drinking chug buddies, Greg and Dana. They photograph the beast. They put it up on show. They do surveillance. These guys have the exact same experiences that the original owners, Danny and Schmanny, had. They're seeing footprints. They're smelling pond water. Granted, it's a stinky ass piece of wood.

We clarified that yeah but you cannot deny there is something paranormal about the the consistency of these influences we're seeing from the object definitely interesting yeah that's a yes thank you for listening this week's episode of this paranormal life you know the cynic here might say that, that your Crohn's advocate might say, you know, the guys, Greg and Dana, is that right? Greg and Dana. Yes. Greg and Dana went into this with a knowledge of the paranormal phenomena. If we wanted a really controlled study here, we would have had both parties saying the phenomena they were experiencing independent of each other uh this is true but you know i don't want to throw

those guys under the bus they do a lot of uh work with the paranormal they're not noobs to this what did you make did you did you see the like it's hard to verify what happened over reddit but whenever it got into the hands of Greg and Dana, whenever they did a live stream, nothing happened. Nothing happened until something did happen, which I didn't include in this. I'm sorry, you were withholding evidence from the court. We were restricted on time, so I cut out the part

when the crow went on a two-day massacre, just killing anyone in sight i didn't want to make it too easy i guess i didn't yeah i wanted a bit back and forth um but at one point during the live stream the the crone screeched like a nazgul yeah can you imagine if you set up the 24-hour surveillance and you're like oh god i just hope you know we get like a twitch or a little movement and you just hit record he goes like all right his eyes go red for 24 hours straight this was too much way too much everything around him starts melting um they uh there was like a uh i don't know what they did they put like a nail against him

and at one point during like hours of streaming the nail fell off okay like it just fell to the side of him uh-huh but it was titled like uh you know the crone pushes nail off of the body but it just kind of like flopped to one side right it was i didn't include it because i thought i was like i'm convincing yeah but also if that's what they consider to be evidence and paranormal activity it doesn't put them in a good light you know what you know what's goddamn evidence to me yeah when an alien's probe is in my butthole that's what i call freaking evidence when i'm being dissected in a circle of men in black. When an alien is spitting in my mouth. That is evidence. When Bigfoot's hairy hands are all over me.

That's when I will tell you he's real. When the chupacabra is spooning me after a chill night of watching Netflix. That's evidence. When the legendary goat man treats me like his goat woman then i will bow down to him the goat lord but until that day i'll remain a skeptic thank you good night this is yeah this paranormal life is your ted talk he talked for 25 seconds there's still 20 minutes on the clock um so yeah it's it's it's tough we obviously have a um a high standard for evidence when it comes to the show because we should clarify the things that happened to greg and dana strictly paranormal in the sense

that there was no apparent means for why these things should happen right but let's clarify that the tv falling over is not paranormal no wet footprints are not paranormal appearing out of nowhere that's pretty weird yeah sure but these are all things that like nothing was levitating is what i'm trying to say jesus was tossed jesus was tossed that his arm was extremely unlikely yeah by the crone presumably what do you make of this case as the principal investigator i think it is a marvel that that original reddit post actually contained a grain of truth that this object actually existed alone is very impressive sure and for it to make it into the hands of two pretty reputable paranormal investigators

who came to the conclusion that it is in fact haunted enough to be part of a haunted museum. Sure. That really does say something. That's a pretty credible source in my book. But on this show, we have to make up our own decisions

based on the evidence that we are experiencing firsthand. We've got some pictures firsthand we've got some pictures we've got some testimonies from greg and dana but i did not find any video footage that convinced me thoroughly enough that this was in fact being caused by the crone yeah they say all this crazy shit happened if they are the people with all the tech and all the paranormal items you could make the argument that they should have a pretty good bank of evidence of paranormal happenings around this thing that we shouldn't have to be relying on people's word of mouth at all i also think you

know if you're a paranormal professional paranormal investigator like us a lot of the times unfortunately you know how uh tiny little mean people see the worst in the world well we see the paranormal in the world because that's our job right you know you see what you're trained to see yeah i'm like a guard dog and i'm guarding me from paranormal shit and i see it everywhere i see it when i wake up I see it everywhere. I see it when I wake up. I see it when I'm getting the tooth to work. Not so much when an investigator

is scared. So I think if that's your job to detect the paranormal, when you're sent objects, people are saying are paranormal, you're already going to be looking out for anything. You're seeing it

through a different lens. You know beer goggles? These are spooky goggles. Yes. And that's what they're seeing the world through. Yeah. Spook gogs. Spook gogs.

Which are available for $9.99 on Patreon, by the way. Do you remember whenever you were a kid and kids' magazines would just openly scam children? And they would be like, in this week's like magazine x-ray glasses yeah like holy shit what a bargain this magazine is 50p yeah how have they done this shell out put on your plastic glasses and there's not even there's nothing in the lens there's it's just air i never ordered one of those but i mean that's not even something that you can fake scam there weren't even a little bit of x-ray you know it was nothing no like i once ordered as a kid i was really into i mean you can see how i've come to this part of my life i was really into spy toys when i was younger

so i bought a pair of night vision goggles sure uh and i was like this is a steal, man. 20 pounds for night vision goggles. So I got the piece of shit. It's a pair of goggles with just green lenses that when you click a button to turn them on, a flashlight turns on in the front of the goggles. So you can see in the dark. Did you see your dad being like, so I got you some night vision goggles. Oh wow. Oh jeez You put them up to your eyes. He slaps the front of the goggles as hard as he can

They were they're not very Inconspicuous because if I'm in the bushes now you've got this beaming light about shining out. It's a bad spot Definitely. Yeah yeah the green doesn't help you see anything they made it worse they made it absolutely just use regular binoculars then yeah it was bad i got scammed a lot of spy toys actually i lost a lot of money it was it was like the days before bitcoin you were investing in spy toys had a vast portfolio um so i think you know it's going to be it's going to be tough if you're looking through spook gogs you're going to see the spookiness in the world conclusions as the

investigator in this case as we established i'm not sure i saw enough conclusive evidence to say that this thing is real sticks and crones may break your bones but this thing can never hurt me thoughts kit on the rhyme and you have a story giant tv behind your head i actually do have a and it's pretty tilted yeah it's pretty tilted so it wouldn't take oh my jesus is on the floor give me one second wouldn't take half a crone around here uh i am on exactly the same page that i think whenever the reddit guys were investigating this you know you could give them a little bit of room for error with the professional investigators uh on this case with their tools that they're just with the tools they have at their disposal i think we should have seen some more hardcore evidence

here some video that we could play you that we could uh link in the show notes yeah of the crone doing some paranormal shit we do not have that therefore we do not have enough evidence to say this is definitively paranormal i think today it's going to be a no i think it's going to be a double no unfortunately but what a hell of a case jesus oh my god thank you so much for joining us everyone this week on this episode of This Paranormal Life if you want to support the show

we have people saying how do we support the show how do we keep it going I've got a bunch of money where do I put it we got a little bank called the This Paranormal Life Patreon

where you can invest your hard earned cash by chucking us a couple coins in the bucket of the paranormal pals for as little as two dollars a month you can get all of our research notes that means all the shit that i didn't think the people could handle here the videos of the chrome going awol at night the too hot for tv shit yeah exactly all that crazy stuff we post on the patreon at five dollars you're getting bonus

episodes upwards of that you're getting t-, you're getting bonus episodes upwards of that. You're getting t-shirts, you're getting, you know, uh, bottles of goddamn Lombardi, the liquid of the dead. Yeah.

Send straight to you. And, you know, we actually, we talked about it, um, I think two weeks ago, uh,

wild, wild country and, um, and the, the group, the commune there, um, me and Kit are actually looking at properties in London. Yeah. This whole week to actually, to set up the base for that commune there um me and kit are actually looking at properties in london

yeah this whole week to actually to set up the base for that commune yeah uh it's actually expensive as shit here so we're gonna have to ramp up the patreon donations guys i mean at the minute it's gonna probably be a little flat and shoreditch but our roadmap predicts a 200-acre commune, a metropolis for believers, as we call it. I think if we can get enough listeners together, if we can get enough people, you know, clicking those Patreon links, I honestly think we could take over Buckingham Palace, guys. You know, by hook or by croak. That's how it happens. By hook or by crone.

That's how it happens, though. You know, you're like, you get a little property up in f***ing Hackney Down though you know you're like you get a little property up in in hackney downs and you're like hey don't freak out warehouse don't freak out it's just a little property yeah we just got it's just up us and a couple of uh followers it's not a cult yeah just a little group of people up there hanging out kumbaya namaste mara kumbara you're having a good time everyone's and then oh i might actually buy this property nearby we're spreading it's like monopoly baby there's more people joining the cult the the commune not the cult there's not a cult it's definitely not a definitely not a cult we should

stop using that word we all just wear the same shit same shirts and shit but it's fine it's not a cult um what's so what's so bad about a cult anyway huh yeah now that i mentioned it actually it's a pretty good way to describe what we got going on i mean sure it's similar and then flash forward two years and i'm sitting on the queen's throne which you know what we actually said we wouldn't we wouldn't um mention the throne on air so we wouldn't mention the throne yeah actually so thrones for everyone yeah throne. Yeah, actually. Thrones for everyone. Yeah, everyone gets a throne. And a crone.

We'll throw it all in. Everyone gets... Because it's an equal commune. Definitely not a cult. So we'll let you guys know when the property development is coming and we'll be ready to take over London. Cult style.

If you want to join us on the socials, we have our Facebook page page which is the secret society shh don't tell anyone about it unless they're in the cult and you can are not the cult f***ing hell we need to really nip that in the bud definitely not a cult a cult on the brain uh if they're in the if they're in the commune then you know you can um you can tell them about it uh on twitter we are at this para life and just to finish things off we are going to give some shout outs and thank yous to some of the people that have pledged on the patreon so far that's right we're going to hit you with

some of our very special patrons here we are let's go thank you to jess bird jess bird squawk squawk here's a treat thanks jess for that treat look it was a long episode all right my brain is fried thanks to jesper holmberg jesper the friendly ghost thank you so much for tuning into this show thank you to jeffrey glassman jeffrey glassman you touch him, he shatters Emotionally, physically He is very, very tender Financially So it's actually pretty impressive He gave us some money

Thank you Amy Leitch Amy Leitch is Listening to the podcast I mean it's true I don't know how entertaining it is It's true, it was bad what you said But I guess it's true. I don't know how entertaining it is. It's true. It was bad what you said, but I guess it's true. Thank you, Amy. Thank you to Colton Cherry.

Your contribution to the Patreon is the cherry on top of my day. Thanks to... And I hate cherries. Because the stones get stuck in my throat. You're not supposed to eat the stone. I eat it all in one. Christ, stock and all. Thank you, Jack Greenwood.

Jack, your greenwood probably smells great. Unlike the crone. It wasn't greenwood, it was meanwood. So thanks, Jack. Thanks, James Ansell. James Ansell, you try. Ansell, us your lies. but we see right through you. You gotta wake up pretty early to get past a couple of paranormal bastards like us.

You're like, no, he gave us money. What? He wasn't trying to sell us anything. Oh, well, thanks, I guess, then, James. Thanks, Chris Youngers. Chris Youngsters. How are the youngsters, my dude? I'm cool.

We're cool like you, you know. Kit's old, but I'm actually pretty young. I'm actually pretty young. Ask me what the dab is. What's a dab? A dance move. Let's see it. All right.

We'll just try to suck his own dick live on the podcast. He's worryingly good at it as well this is not his first dab before i even asked his trousers were unzipped thanks joshua parrot squawk thank you joshua for the donation I'm so sorry Joshua. Thank you Jimmy Crowell What? Jimmy Crowell. It doesn't work if you've done something with the name before I do something with it. Thank you Jimmy Crowell Jimmy Crowell He picked up something shiny and he dropped it in our bucket. That's no one crows dude. What? What was it? What bird is that?

Was it the parrot again? Was that James? and he dropped it in our bucket. I appreciate that. That's not what crows do. What? What bird is that? Was that the parrot again? Was that James? Thank you to Fishfin. Thank you, Fishfin. You know, some people would say that there's something fishy about your contribution, but I know you're just a stand-up fish.

You're a good guy, and I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you to Michael Gielaher. Gielaher? I barely know her. Thank you to Michael Gielaher Gielaher? I barely know her Thank you Michael Yeah thank you very much

Thank you to Andre Samuels Andre Sam Mule You are the backpacking donkey That carries the heavy load You know we wouldn't be able to make this journey If it wasn't for you taking our bags And our guns and actually taking a lot of our shit that we just throw at you so thank you i appreciate that you trust the ass that wasn't an insult that's slang for donkey thank you to alex priestly alex priestly

thank you for the money i hope you didn't take it from the church box because we're a cult i mean a commune yeah yeah oh this can't be real thank you to ruddy eagle burger that is an amazing name thank you ruddy you shouldn't be eating eagles. That's very un-American, actually. Or actually almost extinct. But you know what? To each their own. Hey, if you want to sell some of those eagleburgers to make a quick buck and send it our way,

I'm okay with that, Ruddy. Thank you to Greg Chapman. Greg himself. How's Dana, you wine-chugging bastard? Thanks for saving some of that booze money Greg himself. How's Dana, you wine-chugging bastard? Thanks for saving some of that booze money to give us a couple of dollars. We appreciate it, Greg. In the mouth, out the ass.

Like old times. Thank you, Greg. Do you know how funny that bit was? In one hole, out the other. Thank you to Tyler Brown. Tyler Brown, the man around town with a big-ass crown. And he's pawned that crown, made a couple of bucks, and tossed it our way. We appreciate that.

Stay humble, Tyler. Was his name Tyler? Yes. Okay, great. Thank you, Tyler. Lastly, but not leastly, thank you to Matthew Bain. Matthew Bain. So fast with the cup.

Thank you, Matthew, for your donation. You see, Matthew, you adopted the paranormal. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't have friends till I was a man. molded by it I didn't have friends till I was a man so thank you Matthew for your Patreon contribution and if you listened

to this point in the podcast I feel like you got what you deserve with that Bane impression you're a special kind of listener if you listened all the way to the end of this part of the podcast so thank you you're actually number one on the commune waiting list don't tell anyone we said that we need to really nip that in the bud the whole c words thing um so thank you so much for listening to this episode

of this paranormal life as always we will be back on a tuesday we got a bonus episode as well coming out very soon for the patreon subscribers so stay tuned for that and we will see you next week thank you and remember kids to live long investigate and die young