This Paranormal Life - #064 The Cursed Japanese Kleenex Commercial

Episode Date: June 5, 2018

In the 1980's, Kleenex released a commercial that was so disturbing it was taken off the air immediately. But is there more to this advert than meets the eye? What happens when you watch it at the stroke of midnight? Time for Rory and Kit to #INVESTIGATE live on the podcast.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is Dungeons and Dragons a board game or a documentary? Does the tick in Nike stand for, yes, aliens are real? All these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life. Welcome to the podcast. It is Tuesday. It is the most paranormal day of the week. And I am here, joined by my co-host and paranormal pal, Kit Greer. How are you doing, Kit? Have you slept? Hell no! Just judging by those intro questions have you slept i've learned not to sleep oh trained myself like a dog i mean i you normally don't sleep very much but i feel like you've

crossed over into somehow negative sleep oh yeah people, have you slept, Roy? And I say, woof, woof, woof. That's dog for f*** off. Your knuckles are pretty hairy now that I think about it. Your ears have slightly relocated to the top of your head. If this is your first time listening to the podcast, basically every week we investigate a brand new paranormal case, tale, beast. And at the end, we'll come to a conclusion

as to whether or not it is true. Now, a lot of the time in these stories, we're looking back, backwards in time, at something that has already happened and investigating it retrospectively. We're also going to do that this week. Because science has not yet made it possible until today to research the future.

I've brought my team of scientists. All dogs. They're all dogs, Rory. Ball and lab coats. You know, just because they're Labradors doesn't mean they're smart. We're going to be looking back at a paranormal case that happened not so long ago. We're talking 1986. Took way too long to find that on the page.

It's like you didn't even know it. And I think, Kit, you'll find this episode is very genki. Oh, f*** me. Hopefully at the end of the episode we'll end up with two heists. So... We're in Tokyo, Japan. Just spit it out, will ya? We're in Nihon.

The city is alive. We're at a time of huge economical growth for the country. Technology booming. Entertainment thriving. Whatever music you've already started playing, I just want to veto right now to just cut it off right now. Right. I want you to,

what I'm guessing is that you probably just played some really stereotypical music. So if you could just from this point right here. You think so little of me, sir. If you could just insert some like actually, you know, contextual, modern music that represents the culture of Japan today. Okay. Turning Japanese it is. Wow. By the vapors. Holy shit. Not Japanese. contextual modern you know music that represents the culture of japan today okay turning japanese it is wow by the vapors holy shit not japanese they're turning japanese listen to the lyrics

they're not japanese now they will be so one day in japan a man named uh i actually don't know what his name is we'll call him chad holy shit wait this is japan chad san we'll call him Chad. Holy shit. Wait, this is Japan. Chad-san. We'll call him Chad-san Miyazaki. Okay. Is working for a big tissue company called Kleenex. Okay. We've heard of him. Is that a Japanese company? Uh, no.

I guess not. They have Japanese headquarters. They have international offices. Exactly. Well, as I said, the economy is ba-ba-ba-booming. Yeah. So the higher-ups call Chad-san miyazaki and say hey chad we want to shoot some kleenex adverts for tv really show off the product get the people talking

no one who works at kleenex talks like that just to make it clear they're worried because you know people don't talk about tissues anymore chad when did it become girly for men to cry? Because it really is a sensitive topic for me, Chad. So Chad says, no problem, boss. You give me the time and all the money I need, and I'll make you three groundbreaking Kleenex adverts. Okay, this checks out so far. This guy is so beyond the norm he's like super futuristic

cool art student right filmmaker you know he's ready he's ready to make the most insane like you know the apple ad where they throw the tv through the big um like 1984 cultural moment you know it's like exactly guinness ads it's like you know, just the high watermark. Like the Budweiser one where all those frogs are burping. Yeah, or like, I don't know, Baby Wee Wee, that doll that needed to piss or something. Those ads, everyone remembers, you know, like, what's up? Real cultural, tasteful moments in television's history. So they allow it. They give him all the money and he makes the adverts.

He even managed to get a famous actress named Kiko Matsuzaka to appear in them. So after all that work, all that hard work, they shoot everything and it's finally time for the first advert to go live.

Okay. Being broadcast across the entire country. Everyone, including Chad Miyazaki's bosses, are excited to see how they turned out. Obviously, you pump a lot of money into these things, you want to make sure you're guaranteed a high-quality product. So the commercial starts, and there's this eerie song playing. As a strange woman wearing a toga

offers a Kleenex tissue to a small, sad child painted orange, dressed as a Japanese ogre. Wow. The song becomes increasingly creepy as the woman looks down at the baby monster. Eventually, she releases the Kleenex, and it sort of becomes sentient and floats away. Oh.

It's maybe the worst advert ever created. Right, it sounds like it like i feel like i'm even bigging it up uh it's difficult to kind of explain so i feel like we should just give it a watch and you can see for yourself yeah let's see it like bear in mind how much money a lot of money was put into this we're talking we're talking japan middle of the 80s you know technology companies booming everyone's got their you know japanese electronics or Japanese TVs and VCRs, all of that. The world can't get enough of Japanese projects. Absolutely.

So, you know, if you're going to make an ad for the television, that advert is going to be the forefront of... The market leader. Absolutely. So let's see what he came up with. It's a fine day. People open windows. They leave their houses just for a short walk. They walk by the grass and they look at the grass.

They look at the sky. It's going to be a fine night tonight. It's going to be a fine day tomorrow. Kleenex. P.U. It's going to be a fine day tomorrow. Kleenex tissue. So can we get some stills of this? Stills of this now or like in the research notes? Okay, well, I was going to say I just need to see this little boy again.

Okay, okay. I can show you some of them now. I need to see this ogre. He kind of looks like a Willy Won willy wonka oompa loompa he does like the orange with the green hair and the weird horn so for for those listening at home we described it pretty well what we have here is um so you know like a a young lady um she's dressed all in white um quite angelic looking and are they sitting on like a hay? A haystack?

A haystack. Okay. There seems to be a sort of borderline hellish sunset background. Yeah, like the world is on fire. Yeah, a little bit. World's end. Kleenex is going to clean that up. There's what can only be described as the Japanese ogre.

You're right. There's really no way to dance around it. He has scruffily blue hair a kind of unicorn horn he's grumpy as shit he's very grumpy and bright red uh very tiny and she's kind of trying to console him or something i'm not entirely sure you never really see his face though it's gonna be really weird very. So immediately, immediately after the advert aired, the television station and even Kleenex themselves start getting phone calls from viewers who are unconsolable. Whoa. Parents were petrified.

Kids were crying. Eventually, it got so bad that the advert had to be pulled off the air. Of course. How do you f*** up so bad, the advert had to be pulled off the air of course how do you f**k up so bad chad miyazaki you you knew as well the guys were just gonna be like we're really excited to see the advert you know really a good idea to promote the family brand uh bear in mind you know what we're looking for is friendly all-inclusive happy say no more just a positive vibe yeah positive vibe of course and what do kids like more than you know mythical beasts sorry no just saying kids love fantasy things right right

why are we both redneck kids like don't kids like ponies and unicorns and all of those things? Right. Not all kids. What I was thinking... Well, my kids do. All right. Names of your kids? Because I don't think you have them. Shrek and Hobgoblin.

Fiona. Get out of my office. All right, that's fair. Shrek and Fiona. The Shrek movies haven't been invented yet at this point i find it baffling how i guess you each was trying to break ground so hard that he just broke everything else right like it's too far in the one direction yeah so so i see what you're saying so this guy you know he he was like you say he was like a like a arty type he was very creative yeah leader in his field and you know he was used to he was used to pulling off

you know moonshots taking taking fast and loose decisions creative decisions exactly made him the man he was but um on this one the vision went south yes i think that's fair to say okay because of its strange message and very limited runtime rumors about the advert began to circulate they said listen we've got the the super bowl halftime slot you've got you've got two minutes to play with you know we were thinking getting getting in someone some um some charismatic actor maybe to give some speech about you know something really emotive tie it all together right he ships this 14 second long horror show it's and then the rest is just black screen 64 seconds of just you know that like multicolored lines yeah and they're like we're paying for that by the way that's out of the budget they're like chad i really don't think

you understood the the brief and he's just going it's going to be a fine night tonight uh well rumors obviously about the crew and the actors involved in the production start spreading like what i can't oh did you hear that did you do you know the cameraman was involved in a horrible car accident last week what oh i heard the director lost his job and had a breakdown oh my god so this is after the thing came out the terrible things that befell the crew yeah they even said that the child in the advert allegedly died instantly of a sudden organ failure i don't know i like it's like in that do you remember in that there's like a james bond movie where they kill a woman they kill one of the bond girls by painting her entirely in gold yeah maybe this little kid this little ogre they didn't

realize that paint was suffocating his bones it was like lead-based paint that's why the ad's so short as soon as they hit second 30 he just keeled over they've blown all their budget one of the most ridiculous stories was that one of the cameramen died in a sauna this is so i am so confused this is there is no theme to these claims yeah i know it's not really like because they were it's not like the baby hunted them all down and killed them yes it wasn't like this was a real ogre or what so he died in a sauna okay people can die in saunas by the way yeah if anything this makes it more realistic because it's not some like bullcrap like oh the ogre came and killed them all right one of them just died in a sauna yeah one of them had a heart attack

yeah one of them lost his job those are all very plausible things one of them stubbed his toe i think yeah he didn't die. He just really pissed off. The legend states, from producers to cameramen to gaffers, everyone remotely related to the commercial died or suffered accidents or other misfortune. Holy shit. This thing is cursed.

Whatever they did to that little goblin, he's pissed about it. Kleenex, they took that tissue money. The devil's money. You know who buys tissues sinners that's the main clientele honest joes don't need tissues i i haven't cried a goddamn day in my life you know why because i'm a saint people only cry over mistakes yeah i got a clean slate, baby. You think Jesus cried? Hell to the no. He was a beast.

You say you made no mistakes, but I mean, you have no mistakes written on your forehead, like tattooed on your forehead. Exactly. And no regrets as a tramp stamp. It's spelt wrong. One of the most... Wait. Oh, yeah.

So if all of those other rumors weren't bad enough, one of the other most dramatic ones was that the lead actress, Kiko Matsuzaka, gave birth to a baby. A demon baby! And was institutionalized before she died shortly after. No, she didn't. I'm telling you the legends, okay? Okay, artistic license. So technically it's true because it is a legend.

It's up to the bit where she had the baby. It's all true. Right. Up to her having the baby. The baby. The demon baby. Be specific, please. Okay.

Now I know what you're thinking. Sure, the advert might have been creepy. But is that really enough to get it pulled off the air? Right. I mean, that scared both of us. But would that be enough for you to phone a TV station and get it called off the air right i mean that that scared both of us but would that be enough for you to phone a tv station and get it called off the air it seems a bit overdramatic right yeah there's definitely a sliding scale of like what it takes to get pulled off the air anymore

i feel like the 80s is pretty recent i'd say so yeah i mean is it possible that i know like back in the day you know whenever the original was it like nosferatu or dracula oh i'm so bad i think it was the original dracula whenever it was like first aired and they had to give it like the british film classification i think they banned it and they were like this needs to never be seen by anyone ever again that's crazy it's so it would it will corrupt our children it will like people will die of fright uh i think that movie if you went to rent it's probably not like a pg or a 12 probably yeah it's like people's standards change over time is it possible that people were more

easily freaked out right like the the bar was a Yes. Well, it turns out there's more to this creepy commercial than meets the eye. Go on. Let's go back to the night when the commercial first aired. All right? Otherwise known as D-Day. D-Day for tissue. The commercial goes live. It scares all the babies.

Right. Suddenly, the station is getting called by the public. They're phoning up and they're saying, Oh, I can't believe you would put this on the air. My children were in the room. Now they're crying. And the other station's like, Oh, we're sorry.

We're sorry. We're talking to the producers now. We're sorting it out. We're sorry. We're sorry. And the viewers are going, Oh, why did you think it would be a good idea to put that horrible german song in the advert what we both heard it there was no german song there was no german song yeah the song in the advert was actually it's a fine day

which it wasn't by a woman named Jane Lancaster and it's in full English we heard make sure she doesn't write any more songs for sure but these phone calls

kept coming in and coming tons of complaints about some horrible German song playing in the background what? and everyone said

they heard the same words saying die die everyone is cursed and will be killed but but those are german words so they so they the people that thought it was german what they spoke german shut up that's what the song said in german right now the lyrics to the the song the jane doesn't die isn't die the in german is what sorry what are you saying adolf i don't know what point you're trying to make by razzing i'm getting defensive obviously uh the lyrics to it's a fine day are let me know if you hear die, Die, Everyone is Cursed and Will Be Killed.

Okay. It's a fine day. People open windows. They leave their house just for a short while. And none of that sounds like Die, Die. No, none of it. Right? None of it is intelligible as that.

The only way viewers could have heard an old German curse song was if they had seen an entirely different commercial, right? I guess. What if they had, Kit? What are you trying to say? Well, what I'm trying to say is that there's another rumor about the cursed Kleenex advert, and it claims the advert changes depending on what time you watch it What? Okay So all those viewers Okay That complained about hearing a creepy German curse folk song

May have watched it at a later run date in the day Okay So this is like Yanni or Laurel But 80s Japan ogre style Yeah, it's like Oh my god, did you hear Laurel or did you hear an old German curse song?

It's like, oh, was the dress blue for you or did you see the face of your old great grandfather wrapped in chains and blood? I know, hashtag team Yanni hashtag team die. Die, everyone is cursed and will be killed i really want to tweet from the account this week with the hashtag die die everyone is cursed

and will be killed we'll have to do a poll we'll do a poll that's got to put me on a list or something right let's take a little break what are your thoughts about this thing we haven't really taken a time out i am um more than bewildered i'm uh spooked this does not make much sense to me i mean there's definitely i remember someone describing it to me a while ago you know that they had learned a little bit about advertising and they were like yeah you know sometimes these advertising agencies they they like to throw out something so left field that you will forever associate that brand with that weird thing right you know and the example they gave at the time was a lot of our uk listeners might remember there was like a old cadbury's advert with the with the gorilla

playing phil collins on the drums oh yeah what does that have to do with chocolate that's a good point and the gorilla sits there immobile for most of the ad and then he plays this funky drum fill he was medicated to shit he was actually chained down to that bad boy for weeks on end it was really sad if you knew it was very sad yeah he was taken from a rainforest actually you know that that became such a crazy like culture well i mean it was a very boring period in history it was very much pre-internet pre-anything good uh and that was all people had to talk about was like the gorilla the drumming gorilla yeah but you know maybe that was a thing that they were trying to dream up something so weird that people would get the people talking that's true and they might have gone too far

and it got pulled i think everyone fired and died yeah in a sauna i don't know how much the advert changes hour to hour but the one thing that apparently that you do not want to do is watch this bad boy at midnight what happens at midnight viewers who watch the advert around midnight were the ones who were really really upset by it the guy was in the sauna chilling at midnight took out his phone just to watch it one last time and his eyes melted in his head ironically no kleenex in sight to mop it up um apparently if you watch the advert at midnight you run the risk of going insane fine moving on uh because you giggled at that so i i just get the feeling you ain't taking this

shit seriously so you've got a mountain of kleenex so i feel like you are thinking of taking this very seriously i'm thinking of a giant stop clock and the mountain of kleenex well so far like a lot of our shows it's just been legends and rumors and i know what you're thinking kit evidence no one knows what that means where's the evidence okay in in nihon nihongo knows what nihon is well one eager investigator decided to test the theory himself it's not me i realized i just i realized i wrote that like it's me it's not me one handsome chiseled and one well-built big packaged investigator decided to take a break from kicking ass on the reg To test out a myth

And you can see him in theaters this summer That's right, it's Dwayne the Rock Johnson And yes, this is an advertisement, ladies and gentlemen Dwayne the Rock Hard Big Johnson This investigator We'll call him Dwayne, why not? Fine Filmed himself watching the advert at 11.59.

Really? And then again as soon as it hit midnight to see if there was any difference. That crazy bastard. Right? That's a pretty ballsy thing. Knowing what happens to these people, like at the very least you're going to be upset enough to call a telephone station. Yes. Or a television station. And I don't even want to

be that angry i like happy things i know i don't i've been very angry in my life i've been like what what's the angriest you've ever been angriest i've ever been hands down if i'm just like in a park chilling right and i just see like like a little boy like a child like a child where to go run up and hug his dad or something where i just boiling rage dude boiling rage and i'll just find like the nearest like tree i can find and just wail on that bad boy sometimes i'll find another little boy take his like football and straight up try and sock it at those socket at the kid and his dad hit two birds with one stone just thinking about it now like makes me so pissed off. Do you have any trees around here?

I'm getting really fired up cuz I also hate trees sometimes. I don't even need the boy. I just hate the trees as well You know when you see like a little baby tree growing next to his dad tree I hate that shit man that really who gets me fired up cuz I just think what does that tree got that I don't have or like a Daddy bird like taking care of its young ones and stuff like oh i just want to cook that chicken man i don't want to crack those eggs this gets me fired up man i don't know what it is i don't know if there's like a pattern or some shit my therapist hasn't found it yet and it's pretty damn expensive you see you just see like a duck being followed by all

these like little ducklings you're like that little son of a bitch it's like you see it you see it feeding the little the little ducklings you're like oh it's a mama duck you're fine you're fine i guess i don't have a problem with you move along well as we said one investigator took it into his own hands to test out the theory about watching the advert at midnight to see if there was any difference and what happens in this video kit it might just blow your goddamn off you have the video i have the video i don't know if i'm ready for this it's pretty disturbing um Let me see if I can bring it up. Oh, here we go. It's the first result.

He's recorded this on a camera for authenticity's sake. You can see it. He shows the time on his phone, then watches the advert, shows the time again, crossover to midnight, plays the exact same advert again. Okay. You ready? So here we go. Here he is on YouTube.

Same creepy ass advert we saw the first time. Still creepy. It becomes more strange every time you watch it, I feel. Yeah. I definitely tell people to check this out on Patreon. We'll have all our research notes in there. Yeah. But no German curse song.

Yeah. No die, die, die. Very much in English, actually. All right. Now he lowers the camera, and we'll see on his phone the time tick over to midnight. Okay, we're just waiting. It's at 2359, just a few seconds left. We're at midnight.

We're in the danger zone. This is the danger zone. Let's press play on this bad boy Chill Less chill Less chill. Very less chill. Yeah. Things are getting weird. Jesus Christ.

A lot of distortion. Color burn. Glitching. jesus christ look at her face so so i just had to recompose myself uh that was fairly terrifying ladies and gentlemen what we just saw was not suitable for uh viewing of children i got chills anyone and i've seen that before so basically what what happened there when when the gentleman went to replay the video after the stroke of midnight was things very much broke dawn uh not even discreetly no i mean they went batshit crazy yeah i don't know what the technical term for that is yeah a paranormal 10 i would say yeah there was definitely a ghost in his laptop at that point some sort of demon spoke through that video exactly exactly i mean

as evidence goes it's not the worst we've presented on this podcast before i was ready for that little ogre child to crawl through the screen ring style into our bedroom yeah we have to sock the little bastard send him back in um yeah definitely not the worst evidence we brought on the podcast before okay i mean we did roswell and i provided a map that just had an x that said crash site on it apparently that was enough for me i don't know we both said yes i don't know what you slip in uh slip in my glass of water before every episode but jesus christ i said it was real as shit it was uh lombardi actually gentleman's choice uh yes lombardi the drink of kings it's very much who will shortly be assassinated it's

like it's like king arthur's sword or the holy grail from indiana jones who is not true of art but we struck down by it basically every sip of lombardi is like playing russian roulette because even if you survive the last one you don't know if you'll make it through this one every time i have drank it on a podcast i have had to take a two to three week course of antibiotics yeah yeah it's full of things that should not be inside a human body yeah it's they say that it's a good like 60 of it that isn't you know rubbing alcohol um is some sort of like rainforest amazon water yeah yeah really dangerous stuff that has not been you know siphoned or anything that is just bought straight up bottled and sent over here in very hot plains yeah very

hot plains they crank it in there they think it kills the germs but it creates more of like a safe environment for them to thrive yeah half the bottles have like jumanji style overtaken the plane as it lands it's it's it's a dangerous business lombardi well like many of our cases kit you know we don't have a lot to go on we have to make rash and bold decisions based on legends truth and much like much like the artistic director of this uh actual trailer exactly make rash totally ridiculous and wrong decisions often. But for the first time in this paranormal life, we can come to our own conclusion by doing our own experiment.

What are you trying to say here? I propose that we postpone the podcast until midnight tonight. We watch the Kleenex advert at 11.59. And as paranormal investigators, we will watch that son ofx advert at 11.59 and as paranormal investigators we will watch that son of a bitch at midnight and if something paranormal happens

it is a yes if nothing paranormal happens it might still be a yes brother I'm easily convinced I am more than on board with this line of inquiry I think you know we spend the next hour or so

just getting our wills together at 11 58 we start we start saying our goodbyes to this world absolutely and 11 59 we hit play on version one i think we should do it i keep a katana in my pillowcase at all times wow and i will unsheath the bastard for this special you are wearing full samurai guard height so this accent is so per for how much money you've spent on all the accessories i've actually used a lot of kleenex tissues today because i keep nicking myself with the sword because i haven't unsheathed it in a long time i thought i bought like one of those you know the ones that you assassinate people with the tiny blades right but i actually got one of these, boys!

Holy shit! Yeah! I think that's a Final Fantasy cosplay sword. It's three times the size of you. Is that why it's half-gun? That makes a lot of sense. I didn't think that the ninja had this type of equipment on the go. Also, I got it at Comic-Con. The guy told me it was 3 000 years old but it's somehow still

sharp as shit and was powered by friendship so uh a lot of things are making sense now i don't think friendship was a very motivating factor of the samurai i think it was actually honor that's why i was a little bit confused So I guess we'll reconvene tonight at midnight and do our first on-site investigation. This paranormal life first. Should we film it? Maybe should we film it? In case something creepy happens? I think that'd be funny. It's probably worth filming. We should light candles and shit. Yeah, make it really spooky.

Yeah, let's totally do that. spooky yeah let's totally do that welcome back to the podcast guys we are minutes away from hitting midnight me and kit have been preparing for this moment we have two lit candles on the table we have a bottle of wine in case a demon emerges and we have to seduce him kit has two knives for stabbing i took the kettle to throw boiling hot water in his face that's right if he so appears yeah now let's think about it we don't know exactly what's going to happen when we watch this trailer at midnight is it just going to be a weird uh version of it are we going to hear a german curse song or are the gates of hell going to be ripped open it might be right here i mean we might be underprepared i

do not know all i know is that we do have a couple of burner mobile phones here with you know the paranormal nation on speed dial so those of you sitting at home right now you may indeed receive a call we just pray that you come to our aid and much like bat Batman being called into action, we too have a commune signal. That's right. Which is just a giant middle finger in the sky for all the non-believers to f*** off. But also, we really need your help. And you know what? If you could grab a couple of non-believers, because we need the numbers more than anything.

Turns out non-believers are strong. And they know how to fight. Turns out believers are weak and they just give the finger to people okay okay so we're coming up to 11 59 we're gonna play the advert normally then after midnight we're gonna play it again and see what happens wish us luck remember if we don't make it through this to live long die young and investigate absolutely wait i got that wrong live live long you live long die young that's wrong as well live fast investigate and die young yes remember us as the gods that we were your true self shows in your final minutes. Hashtag build the wall.

Like, wow, he was actually a really horrible person. We need to get... Turns out the demons just came to bring him to hell. It had nothing to do with the video. I keep seeing myself in that mirror and it's so scary. That's it. 59, 59. We're going to do it.

23, 59. We are going to hit play on the first playback of the Kleenex ad. It's a fine day. People open windows. They leave their houses just for a short while. They walk by the grass and they look at the grass. They look at the sky. It's going to be a fine night tonight.

It's going to be a fine day tomorrow. Kleenex tissue. Okay, so far. So nothing so far. Okay. That was fine, I guess. He's creeping up on the paranormal r itself we're just about to hit midnight midnight this is where everything changes guys expect creepy german curse songs

expect demons to fly into your ears via the headphones it could be i am personally taking up arms at this moment we're here we're here grab your knives grab your knives we're gonna do this holy crap okay here we go here we go Grab your knives. We're gonna do this. This is it. Holy crap. Okay, here we go. Here we go. It's a fine day. People open windows. They leave their houses just for a short while. They walk by the grass and they look at the grass.

They look at the sky. It's going to be a fine night tonight. It's going to be a fine day tomorrow. I think we can blow out the candles. I'm actually going to take off this crucifix as well. Because it's heavy as hell. Yeah, this Black Plague era bird mask is... I can't see shit, honestly. I was just going with you on that one. So, as we said, this is the first time in our history of investigations on this podcast

where we've been able to put the, you know, put the curse to the test. Right. And unfortunately... Bring you that first-hand evidence it seems as if we may have come up empty-handed yeah now as a precautionary measure we did just film and vlog all of our preparations right setting up this experiment which if you remember the patreon will post a little video about uh picking weapons our little training montage and then filming the advert itself.

Watching back that footage, we might see faces. We might see something we didn't notice before. Maybe some glitching or some static. There could be something in the audio there.

Absolutely. But I will say I did not hear any creepy German curse songs. No, to be specific, we did not hear the... What was it? Die.

Die, die. Everyone is cursed and will be killed. Yeah, I feel like we would have heard that. I think we'd notice, yeah. They didn't just slip it in there. So if it comes down to whether or not that story of the cursed Kleenex advert is true or not, it's going to have to be a no for me, unfortunately.

A double no on that front, actually. But hell, that was a blast right i think you know this could become a a real cool integrated part of these investigations live experiments when you start bringing in animals humans that's gene splicing yeah you ever seen a man mixed with a rabbit i call him thumper at least he's the guest on next week's podcast just thumping the mic for 90 minutes can you imagine i was just like i'm roy powers this is kate green my paranormal pal and this is thumper experiment gone wrong how you doing today thumper kill me all right today we're gonna be talking

about roswell part three okay and we're about to take a live caller from the our local police station all right guys just want to say that what you're doing is completely illegal yes um you cannot ignore the letters we are sending we are going to call you to a flat any day now thank you i think when a cop says your days are numbered you're you're in some real bad trouble there um well thank you so much everyone for listening to this episode of this paranormal life if you want to get more out of the show or just support us in any way we do have a patreon where you can get some really cool rewards like bonus content the research notes where we'll have this video and all the notes and research we've done for this episode. But then on top of that, if you give a little more, you're looking at t-shirts and even bonus episodes.

We did a bonus episode just a couple days ago that went up this month. And here's a little clip for it right now if you're interested. That comment was passing over and everyone's like, wow wow this is going to be such a momentous occasion but obama was in a jet rocket with the pilot's finger over the launch button ready to take off and leave this planet behind imagine what a bad look that had been if he really like at the last minute thought it was gonna happen he was like oh shit at all launch and air force one turned vertical and shot into the sky it'd be so much funnier if there was no plan for re-entry so it's like as he's leaving he's like looking back at earth and seeing the comet miss and he's like ah shit like right when that happens like the timing of the computer just going next destination mars three years two months

oh crap oh shit i should have brought michelle it's such an embarrassing like press conference you'd have to hold as well. It's like, so Biden is now the president because in fear, our president launched himself into space to save himself from an apocalypse that didn't happen. So thank you so much, guys, for tuning into this episode. You know, we would usually do Patreon shout-outs at the end of the episode

but um it is legitimately midnight um and it took maybe two and a half hours to set this up this little demon trap and while we didn't catch a demon here you know we got to be sure that's right we didn't get the specific kleenex ogre but christ knows what else we summoned what else is here exactly unfortunately um we're at the paranormal commune now in the headquarters right which is a 37 floor building um we're at number 37 the rest are vacant currently waiting for you guys but we're gonna have to search them head to toe we are um and frankly these demon fighting weapons are coming with us because there is a shit ton of squatters in this building and we need help getting rid of them yeah so if convincing ourselves that they are demons makes it easier for us to maim them so be it

unfortunately i am afraid of the dark i'm scared of bright light so there's only a sliver of time in the day where i'm just brave enough to hit a homeless man what am i talking about you wandering an abandoned building wearing sunglasses carrying a torch and a bat in the other hand so afraid that's your final form 65 years old blind as shit so thank you so much for tuning into this episode we will be back again next tuesday with a new paranormal tale until then as always like us remember to live fast investigate and die young praise rad we'll see you next week. Bye-bye.