This Paranormal Life - #067 Murderous Bunny Man Escapes Asylum

Episode Date: June 26, 2018

Legend has it that an insane asylum prison break in 1904 lead to the woods of Clifton Virginia being stalked by a vicious murderer. Half bunny, half man. All paranormal. Maybe.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are flies UFOs? And if so, what the f*** is a bee? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life. Hey, welcome back to the podcast. You are listening to the Paranormal Podcast where every week we dissect a different paranormal tale, claim, beast, and get to the bottom of whether it is true or whether it is false and as always i'm being joined by professional paranormal investigator mr roy part ohio gozaimasu how you doing how you doing today right you've been out of the country we get it yes i have been to los angeles right big japanese community there i guess specifically chinatown okay so off the map yeah weird people there you order some dish off the menu they bring you something totally different don't know what to tell you yeah you were out of the country for a little minute um how was it a little minute being two and a half weeks right the heat was on

the heat was on with rory powers and i had to get the f out of h yeah um so i went to los angeles for a little while edited the podcast on the low under the watch of a government you can trust america not a lot of people know that the uk doesn't have a constitution no and it's actually pretty dicey if you get into trouble yeah i've tried to plead the fifth a lot of times here in the uk only to find that shit doesn't exist they're they're putting me in handcuffs slamming my head against the bonnet of the car i'm screeching asking for the president they don't have one of those f**kers either i'm reaching for my nine mil turns out you can't carry in this part of the world so i'm like f you a-holes i'm going to america you got to immigration

breezed right through because you got that passport exactly they said welcome home sir and i've spent the last couple weeks there editing the pod so it's been great i have come back with a beard yes i have aged a lot of years uh my time in the u.s but i'm back now back into the paranormal center the hud the commune and i'm ready for a couple more investigations yeah i think the paranormal world it works a little bit like gta you know you get a couple stars you build up a bit of heat but uh that thing will pass the police will forget about that you get a new coat of paint in your car they forget about it you're good to commit another couple crimes let's just say that let's just say that as always we're just going to dive right into today's investigation. And as always, I've

got a doozy for you. All right. The year is 1904. Diving right in there. In Clifton, Virginia. You ever been to Virginia? I've never been to Virginia. Okay. Residents of Fairfax County are mad, mad and worried. I have been to Virginia. I just remembered. Really? Yep. I actually played baseball there. Bad memory. Yeah, sorry. With a little team called the Virginia Mustangs. I delivered that in my fictional voice, but I genuinely have been to Virginia. How did that go? It was hot and I was young. Major League?

Barely. One game and the ref pulled me. Skidded my goddamn glove. He found out what age I was, ripped me out of the game. Not because I was playing badly. I was carrying the goddamn team yeah and actually i have the record for the smallest baseball player to ever hit another player with a bat so you could say i'm somewhat of a record holder right they put me in

the hall of shame for that one my time in the big leagues as short as my stature. What age were you? Eight? Nine? Yeah, most likely. I drew a charcoal beard on. Yeah, in Fairfax County, as the population of the area has boomed, the local asylum prison has been seen as more and more out of place. It's pretty simple. Families in the area, they don't want those crazy criminals around their families.

Okay, this is really escalating quickly yeah you hadn't mentioned the sane asylum once until you said it was becoming a nuisance talking about major league baseball pretty fast okay by the way in 65 episodes never mentioned once that you played for moving on sure that's strike two, Movena. Sorry, is that your ringtone? Sorry about that. You know what happens at strike three? I'm out.

I hit you with a bat. That's what happened to the last guy who struck me out. You're like, sorry, so it doesn't sound like you played Major League Baseball at all. It sounds like you went into a field and hit a guy with a bat. Correct. I was small. I slipped through security's arms and hit greg maddox in the shin with a baseball bat to recap insane asylum in fairfax county people don't like it they want rid of it got it you can imagine the talk on the streets all right well you can help me here what's

a virginia accent like gonna be redneck isn't it right regardless we don't like those crazy people out in the insane asylum messing around with our town. Get those loons out of this town. Can't they go somewhere else? Well, the townspeople got their way eventually, and after months and months of campaigning and rallying signatures, it was settled. The inmates of Clifton's Asylum would be transferred to a different facility, leaving the sleepy town in peace once and for all. Okay. Or was it? Oh.

And on the day they closed the rusty doors of that asylum for the last time, they slowly boarded every inmate onto buses headed to their new home. Fifteen trucks lined up in the yard, officers pacing up and down the outside, counting heads. Alright, head out! They chug up the road in a convoy. While at the new facility, officers start pulling inmates off the trucks, marching them single file inside. Well, that's the last of them. No, no, no. There's more. We had another driver.

Look, the whole convoy's here. They came together. There were 15 trucks I count only 14 here Crap, they must have got broken down left behind. Oh hell turn one of these trucks around and find them. Will you? They double back on themselves retracing the route along the road and before long they find the 15th convoy There's that son of a bitch. It's a wreck. On its side, wheels busted, smoke pouring out. My God.

The driver is slumped over. Dead. He's dead. Some inmates inside the back. Also dead. They're all dead. They must have hit someone or something on the road. But the officers knew there was not a second to lose.

Listen up, motherf**kers. There are escaped men from that convoy. Find them. Now. Dead or alive. Kit's giving me the hand signal to stop it, but I'm going to keep on improv-ing because I feel like I got a real grasp on this. Look, I kissed my wife this morning and left for this job.

It's not an easy job, but I will murder any man, woman, or child that gets in my way. Does that make me the crazy one and their sane? Quite possibly. But that's why they call me Lex Shotgun Blaster. Move out!

Yes, Lex, sir! They run out into the surrounding wilderness listening for absolutely anything. Luckily they managed to corral most of the inmates back to the site of the crash. Got him. But at this point it's dusk and they have to call off the hunt before it gets too dangerous. It's too dark. I'm scared of that. Lex shotgun blast is scared of the dark. Does that make me crazy? That's how he ends all his conversations. Am I the crazy one here?

He's not rhetorical. Completely serious. Does that make me crazy? Should I be out there in the woods with those guys? Was I the one that crashed the bus? Who knows? He's got blood in his hands. Forget it. We'll start looking again in the morning.

Poor son of a bitch will probably get himself killed by then anyway. Well, morning came and there was still one prisoner missing with no traces. And there was no trace the next day either. Authorities kept a lookout, but he had successfully escaped. Nonetheless, residents of Fairfax County slept soundly knowing that Clifton Asylum was empty and its door locked for good. They felt safe.

That is, until a few weeks later. A mother and child are walking along a wooded path. The woman lets out a scream. The kid looks around, but their mum covers their eyes before they can see. The corpse of a dead rabbit, skinned, with chunks missing, hanging tied from a tree the problem was this started happening more and more word was spreading throughout the town what's more word was spreading about the crash and the missing inmate too this increased pressure on local police to search the woods again what we're seeing here is i'm gonna go and assume this escaped man is now in the woods living off of the wilderness yeah pretty much because this is you know if he's if it's you see a dead rabbit skinned alive that's pretty creepy dead rabbit skinned alive hanging from a tree that moves into the survival category that is no longer scary right chunks missing he's eating him he's child

down obviously a little bit i guess like a bit of it maybe he's catching so many rabbits he only he can afford to just only eat the good parts i guess so it's like yes like robber mignon of rabbit carcasses still like it's just hanging up like rabbit eyes and asshole and tail maybe you don't want to eat any of that stuff but all the rest of the rabbit is gone or they're just like this sick son of a bitch was skinning rabbits and hanging them up he's like oh i just it's like kfc i just like the skin yeah yeah he doesn't want to eat like the horrible stuff he's like i'm not a monster i'm just crazy tiny rabbit hairs all over his face so the police split up and head out to try and find who was doing this they might have wished it was a wild animal, but just as you say, animals can't tie knots or use rope,

so it probably wasn't. It was probably a person. Right. They paced nervously, but eventually the officers heard, Over here! They came running. Please tell me that was an officer and not the sound of a st- okay it's an officer. They couldn't believe it. Hanging from a railroad bridge near Colchester Road, the mutilated body of a missing person. Whoa! Marcus Wallster, done just like the bunnies. In fact, this incident caused the bridge to be named Bunnyman Bridge. Needless to say, officials now had a murder case on their hands.

And they had a prime suspect, the missing inmate, Douglas J. Griffin. The notorious bunny eater, Douglas J. Griffin. But what they didn't have was any clue to his whereabouts. They'd already tried and failed to find him even before the murder. All right, look, I'm going to save these pigs a lot of time, all right? You go to the nearest pet store and buy a box of rabbits you set those bunnies loose in the woods with um tags on around their necks 1904 shit all right wow i guess they didn't have pet shops then yeah fine so you get wild rabbits put chips in their

necks yeah just to get the wild ones and then track the chips okay to find this good idea boom alternate plan fill the rabbits with dynamite you wait till this sick son of a bitch shows up tries to string one up and kabam alternate plan dress officers as rabbits i like where your head's at mulvena you know who agrees with you lex shotgun blast I like where your head's at, kid. Where is this bastard now? Who knows what he could do next? Now, at this point in the story, the line between fact and legend becomes very blurry. So I now give you, Rory, the power to determine how this story ends.

Legend. You're the police chief. Oh, okay. Lex. Shotgun the police chief. Oh, okay. Lex. Shotgun blast. Shotgun blast. Lex blast, my friends. Pretty long.

You're the police chief. Do you... A. Call in support from Fairfax County. Start a large-scale armed search for the bastard before he can strike again. Or B. Conserve efforts. Wait for him to make his next move relying on a slip up to bust the perp this is cool so are these different ways the stories were told yes and i'm choosing which option we want to explore yes let's go hunt this son of a bitch all right that's right of

course you're gonna track him down so you radio into headquarters and before long you've got armed backup and you're marching through that forest. Sure enough, you catch a glimpse of this sick f***. You and your boys run and gun, time crisis style. Try and take out his legs before he escapes. But right before you do, you hear an oncoming train about to pass under Bunnyman Bridge. This isn't... That's when the Bunnyman leaps in front of it, smushed instantly. As you recoil in horror you hear the laugh of the Bunnyman echo throughout the woods. You receive a phone call from one of the guys at the asylum.

Hey, just returning your call about the background of the murder suspect. He was sent down for murdering his whole family. On Easter Sunday. Right. Obviously, this is the legend, right? Because who's telling this story that they saw a man jump, a bunny man jump, hop in front of a train? The police. The police told this, did they? Yeah.

Do you have a name for this policeman? Storyline B. b of course you're gonna bide your time right you think the county feds are gonna send a death squad into that forest that's right we wait until the bunny man strikes again next thing you know it's october 31st also known as halloween and some teens are hanging out drinking and getting frisky over at bunny man bridge i guess they thought it would be cool. Except, uh-oh, Bunnyman doesn't take kindly to teens hanging out at his bridge. I don't know anything about this Bunnyman, by the way.

It went from finding a couple rabbits to all of a sudden he killed a man. Has he done anything else? How do they know it's the Bunnyman? Yeah, he hasn't done anything else. Oh, right. So just the one murder? Yeah. Okay. I mean mean that's pretty bad i guess we know that he is uh deranged he's in an asylum okay uh may or may not be for killing his family on easter sunday got it uh he's most likely not animals such as rabbits strings them up uh doesn't eat them uh and he murdered someone and skinned them and strung them up so comparing

him to the legendary goat man we're not talking about some creature here that's half goat half man like half bunny half man there is an interesting parallel there which i will bring up later okay you will see it is for more reasons than one okay okay yeah the bunny man doesn't take kindly the teens hanging out the bridge next thing the teens are skinned and strung up like old marcus walster over there and you're taking the rap as police chief so basically in one version of the story the bunny man becomes a halloween curse of sorts and in the other he commits suicide but in a kind of weird paranormal way where his laugh echoes out into the forest. Right, that's how I want to go. In front of a... What?

In front of a train and then screaming something echoing into the dark of the forest. That's how I want to go. What would be the last words? My last words. That's a really good question. When, you know,

not like deathbed last words, like in front of a train. In front of the train? Something kind of cool and poetic. I was going to say just to f*** with people and maybe like... Okay, we're

going very different roads here maybe just like start a sentence that you're gonna have a big reveal right like the gold is buried in the car right it was i who because i was thinking something like philosophical right like something really meaningful okay lifelong question like you know right before you die you couldn't cry like how i ever have i ever lived but you would thought it has to be wistful but you want your last sentence on earth to trick people into being disappointed right for until they die i see where you're coming from also i see where you're coming from you know you could cut you could say something kind of yeah like poetic looking back in your life like i'm i truly was

the best no that's that's not poetic or philosophical that's just a statement that's kind of narcissistic as well but that when i look back at my life that's what i will think that's what you want to echo through the darkness of the forest yes what about something like you know um every path took me here you know something cool like it was inevitable okay it was you know something really uh really makes people think when they hear it okay okay uh everyone else was wrong and i was right would that echo cool weirdly meaner less philosophical i think we should move on i'll i've got some years to workshop this apparently so yeah although if your statement says told us anything it's that you should die now

not later you shouldn't be given the time to really harsh dude actually really harsh to be fair that's what i'm gonna cry out when i get hit i wish it was kids do you imagine like camping in the woods you know with your son on a on a camping trip like cooking s'mores by the fire having a great time and all you hear is like like train coming in the distance and then just the echoing like cry of someone just go i wasted this life i wasted this life i wasted this life you're like awkward silent with your awkward silence with your son just, that was a harrowing thing to hear. It never gets better. Dreams are lies. Although hearing you act it out just now

does make me think that if you see someone jump in front of a train and their last words echo out into the woods, maybe they didn't get hit by the train. Maybe he jumped right past it or over the tracks. My god. Maybe that's why he hurt, you know, less paranormal, but maybe

he really was just laughing as he ran away. Can you imagine that? Or in the words of Lex Blast, could you imagine that? Why is Lex Blast always voicing a perfume ad? What would his fragrance be? Gunpowpowder i knew that was going by lex shotgun blast it's like his commercials like it's a black and white force and he's like

running running through it he stops on the train tracks and the train's like coming towards him and he spray it's like slow motion and he sprays on the lex shotgun blast gun proud gunpowder for men and the train hits him and shatters into a thousand pieces into a thousand crystals he turns to the camera and goes is that so hard to believe yes dude that's the that's the trailer and then it like pans out and it's like gunpowder by lex shotgun blast for men and everyone who's watching goes what what the was that do i buy a gun now people get crazy with the perfume jars yeah so his will be really distasteful and it's just a gun you have to turn on yourself to spray it it comes with like you buy the box set of the mouthwash handgun you have to put in your mouth.

Pull the trigger to make it minty fresh. Oh, Jesus Christ. Some say that to this day, if you drive past Bunnyman Bridge, you can see rabbits hanging from the overpass. And if you're unlucky, maybe the bunnyman himself. Immediate thoughts on the story so far? It's a crazy story. I don't have any proof or evidence okay i would love to if you have it see a photo of some of these strung up rabbits if you have such in your documents i think my laptop just died ah that's weird that is unlucky think the uh i think the internet also died so do not

try so you don't have thoughts i think uh i'm actually pretty tired so i think i'm gonna go to sleep uh yeah my immediate thoughts at this stage are this is weird the fact that the story has several different endings indicates that it's pretty much in the realm of legend at present well it's quite similar to uh last week i believe when we were investigating the case of bloody mary and i had to reiterate a number of times throughout the episode this is maybe one of four different legends that are used to explain this curse yeah that also has a multiple amount of outcomes and ways to kind of initiate the curse it's one of these very loose stories and i feel like we're getting the same kind of thing with the bunny man the realms between fiction and this reality of the escape

convict are being blurred very dramatically which is a fun story to talk about but it's very difficult when it comes to distinguishing what is true and what is false which is what this podcast is all about absolutely now at this point we're all wondering the same thing how much of this story is actually true where is the evidence and i'm going to keep it real with you chief there are large holes in this story rabbit holes the second facility the inmates were being transported to was supposedly Lorton Prison. Problem is, Lorton Prison didn't open until 12 years later in 1916. Furthermore, there are no court records for a Douglas Griffin in Fairfax County, the alleged identity of the Bunny Man.

And worst of all, there was never even an insane asylum in Fairfax. That's a pretty big deal. Fairfax County Archivist Brian Connolly goes as far to say that this version of the story is, quote, demonstrably false. This is normally where we would say, I guess there's nothing to it, and we would come to conclusions. But there is more to the story. Working in Fairfax, Brian Connolly got so many questions about the Bunny Man that he wanted to research it for himself and get to the bottom of it for good. In 2002, he published his findings, a definitive paper on the history of the Bunnyman, which I will link in the Patreon show notes. Folks, those will be online. So he spent years trawling through state records, reading through

over 500 cases of murder in Fairfax county over the last hundred years that's so sad yeah and i did read in his notes which you can see on our patreon show notes yeah there's a lot of tragic awful stories there yeah that's all i mean like if i wake up in the morning like last week and i found out coco the gorilla died like i i didn't talk for days i was heartbroken like so if i read about a murder case, I'm done, man. I'm done for the month. Post data. Exactly.

So imagine researching 500 murder cases. You could have a pretty low opinion of humanity at that point. Yeah, absolutely. Which is why we hate almost everyone. Yeah. So much I could just murder them. Not like Coco. Coco would never do that shit.

Coco was an angel. But he found nothing in those murder cases until he remembered mentioned that whilst the events took place in the early 1900s it only became popular legend in the 70s so he he thought okay let's narrow down the search for newspaper articles from the region in and around 1970 and his mind was blown. Air Force Academy cadet Robert Bennett told police that shortly after midnight last Sunday he and his fiancee were sitting in a car when a man dressed in a white suit with long bunny ears ran from the nearby bushes and shouted you're on private property and I have your tag number. The rabbit threw a wooden handled hatchet

through the front car window the first first-year cadet told police. As soon as he threw the hatchet, the rabbit skipped off into the night, police said. Bennett and his fiancée were not injured. A man wearing a furry rabbit suit with two long ears appeared again on Guinea Road in Fairfax County Thursday night, police reported, this time wielding an axe and chopping away a roof support on a new house. Less than two weeks ago, a man wearing what was described as a rabbit suit accused two persons in a parked car of trespassing and heaved a hatchet through a closed window of the car at 5400 Guinea Road. They were not hurt. Paul Phillips, a private security

guard for a construction company, said he saw the rabbit standing on the front porch of a new but unoccupied house i started talking to him phillips said and that's when he started chopping all you people trespass around here phillips said the rabbit told him as he whacked eight gashes into the pole if you don't get out of here i'm gonna bust you on the head phillips said he walked back to his car to get his handgun but the rabbit carrying the long-handled axe ran off into the woods so basically he learned that around the 70s in the kind of virginia area there was apparently around 5400 guinea road in this area so one road one road there was uh a bunny man okay and he did do some crazy shit he tried to uh chop down wooden supports for houses he threw hatchets through car windscreens i feel like if you're gonna pick a signature weapon like make sure it's something that you're

good with because there was a number of occasions he tried to throw the hatchet and he missed and no one was hurt it's like pick a pick something you're good at yeah yeah it sounds like he mainly used it because it was heavy it like smashed through a windscreen but like it never actually chopped anyone yeah i imagine him like trying to chop the support beam as well and he's in that thing where he like like hits it once and then it's like stuck in the wood and he can't like get it out he's like i also like the way he threatened to bust someone on the head and the guy immediately went to get his gun and the buddy man ran away really keeping in in tune with the spirit of a rabbit very easily frightened yeah so a lot of confusing different um things going on there he said about people always trespassing but yet he was the one dressed

as a rabbit running around the woods yeah cutting down houses conley even managed to talk to one of the couples that was affected by the bunny man and whilst they didn't want to talk too much about it they did confirm it happened so basically what we're left with is a true story but one that's totally different to the original legend right but is it paranormal what do you make of this case rory i love it to end it you were like we've got two versions and the one we just told is not paranormal but is the whole story paranormal what am i supposed to do i research this topic and then it turns out it's all bullcrap that was a tough carrot to chew we're seeing a lot of similarities between this and the goat man a lot of people online including cryptologists and

other paranormal researchers have made this connection yeah we're seeing this basically a man in the woods upset with people being on his territory or trespassing he's got an axe or a hatchet and he's trying to scare them off right um with the legend of the goat man that was a much more and if you haven't listened to that episode i think that was episode like two or maybe one actually it might have been number one the first ever episode you should go back and listen to that if you haven't we haven't come very far you might say um turns out the rabbit hole is a goddamn loop we started digging up somehow i should have known because it got really hard that was a bit more paranormal because the legend in that story was essentially a creature that was half man half goat uh had goat like legs goat like hooves but also the the

mannerisms and part body of a human that's a very important paranormal story and i believe we ruled on that one as being not paranormal and it was most likely just uh angry man in the woods with an axe i think that's what we decided and again as i said we're seeing similarities between the goat man and the bunny man to the point where i'm likely going to follow down that same path we went down in the first episode and most likely steer this into the realms of reality i think this is an angry man with a bunny suit throwing hatchets pathetically at trespassers i think conley did some uh tremendous work on picking apart fact from fiction on this story and basically we've established that all the kind of delicious details of the insane asylum the

those eggs train the eggs sunday murder and the after him dying his laugh carrying on into the forest that that all never happened yeah it patently untrue and i think for that reason it's going to be a no a no for me as well unfortunately but an amazing story and thank you to amy grisdale for sending that one into us. Hey, thank you, Amy. If you have any of your own thoughts, opinions, stories, you can send those into thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. I will be putting all of Conley's research, as well as picks, and all the other information about this case in the Patreon show notes. We don't run any ads for this podcast.

The only way to support us is via Patreon, which you can find at patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life where from two bucks a month you can get patreon show notes from five you can get bonus episodes for 20 bucks you can get merchandise and actually speaking of um the patreon and the money we've raised so far we actually just splashed some of that sweet cash on brand new microphones for the podcast. And now we have beautiful brand new microphones, new stands, so we don't need our old ones with pop shields.

We've got a little recording table as well to make the whole setup really comfortable and nice. So if you guys want to know where some of the money is going for what you've contributed so far, it's up in the quality and up in the production of the podcast. So thank you so much.

So hopefully this is sounding delicious in your ears and we can get our npr voices on yeah for future episodes gunpowder for men that's so hard to believe at a thousand dollars you get a bottle of gunpowder for men the new fragrance by lex shotgun blast it's clearly a bottle of lombardi where he scraped out the word lombardi gunpowder actually for the longest time now since we've had our patreon you've been able to pick up um this paranormal life praise ra t-shirts and i know lots of you out in the paranormal nation have been rocking those enjoying those t-shirts and praise and rattle the sun goes up which is what it's all about exactly those t-shirts were um as intended in the beginning always going to be a limited run and we are almost

out of those yeah so this is your notice folks that if you ever were thinking about pulling the trigger on picking up one of those praise ra t-shirts this is the week to do it absolutely that shirt is going to be gone but we're already working on the next reward item to fill that 20 slot so keep an eye out for that as well we'll be announcing that and tweeting about it uh later on in the week whenever uh whenever people support us on patreon we like to shout them out right here in the podcast and um that's what we're gonna do right here right now shout out some people who have recently um become our patrons thank you to perry vandageer vandageer vanda go far vanda wherever you are i believe your contribution goes on far.

Thank you so much for donating to the Patreon. Perry, thank you so much, Perry, for your contribution. Thank you, Perry. Thank you also to Zion the Human. That really seems like something an alien would call themselves.

I'm just throwing it out there. Right, right, right. I thought you were going to say, like, a human. Because they didn't spell human right. Right. They spelled it human. Who does, brother? Amen to that, am I right? Not everyone can read what it says in their passport, okay?

You're like, spell human right now. Fine. G. Wrong. Thank you so much for your contribution, Zion. Thank you, too. Matthew Walrond. Thank you, Matthew. And I know he's someone we can rely on

because matrix style when the bullets start flying he can wall run his way out of danger so i know he's good for it thank you to john campbell john campbell i don't want to ramble i'm gonna get straight to the point here, buddy. Thanks for the Patreon contribution to be specifically. Yeah. Thank you, John. Thank you to Orlando Zelaya Pena. Orlando the liar Pena. Don't trust a goddamn word that comes out of his mouth.

That's all I got to say on the matter. Sure, he's generous, but he is a liar. He is a cheat. Granted, he always pays his debts. He's actually really honest about that. Right. But everything else. Lies.

Really nice dude, though. Super trustworthy. Like, nicest guy I've ever met. But straight up liar. Thank you to Mark Priest. Are you an angel, Mark Priest? Because I need your blessing. What?

Priest, not priest. Don't interrupt me. Mark what? Even when you're wrong, don't interrupt you when you're wrong. When you're saying someone's name wrong, you're thanking the wrong person. Mark Priest. Thank you. Right. Well, if it's Mark Priest, that kind of throws off my priest

pun. Are you a rabbi, Mark Priest? Because I really want to get a religious joke in here before we end the pod. Yeah, because I need this today. We're trying to hit every demo. So thank you for the contribution. Shalom. Lahaya to you. Todah. Todah.

Thank you to Ryan Furtado. Nelly's son? Ryan? Holy shit. I didn't know we had a celebrity contributing to the Patreon. Could you... Everyone else stop listening. This is just for ryan's yet could you set up a meeting with with nelly i would really like to meet i think that would be

i think he would like the pod i think he would be interested in investing in the pod i think that would be very productive because no matter what i do oh all i think about is your dad nelly so a meeting would really help me out uh so thank you for the contribution but really please set us up with it with now we need that phone number yeah or kelly wasn't it nelly and kelly that sang that song wow i wonder if like our young listeners will know that thank you to jordan guy jordan guy he's a pretty fly guy that guy, I know he tries to be beside the law, but he's not. He has to obey it just like any other citizen. Not like us, though.

No, we get a pass. We're above the law. The commune has a different set of laws. We won't get into it. It'll become apparent when you guys join. We only have one law, and it's f*** the rules. You'll learn that when you get here. That law is enforced very

strictly however the law about no rules is religiously enforced and if you break it you're out that's rule number two you only said there was one rule that was that there's no laws so as you know jordan uh the commune is a confusing place but you're gonna love it when you get here thank you too jk webb thanks for your contribution jk webb you spidery bastard that's right you spun me a tail you spun me a webb and you've spun a couple of coins into the web of the paranormal pals. Upon closer inspection, sure, they are flies. They are flies.

Your currency. I eat flies. Hey, no judgment here, brother. So thank you so much. We appreciate that. Thank you too. Corey Petsnick. How is your pet snake, Corey?

Is it going well? Is it going swimmingly? Snakes can't swim. They don't have arms. Silence. Thank you to you, Corey. Thank you to Joel Plunkett. Joel Plunkett threw some coins in the bunket of the paranormal pals,

to which we are eternally grateful. A lot of people would say, Funk it. I don't care. But we appreciate it a lot. A lot of people would say, Funk it. I don't care. But we appreciate it a lot. So thank you, Joel. Alunk it. Which was a lot,

but I really forced that last one. Thank you, lastly, but not leastly, to Asher Turnbull. You know they say it takes seven miles to turn a bull around. But I'm glad you... Who says that?...turn turn that puppy around in the direction of the paranormal peasants why would you be glad he did that turned a bull on us knocked over a bunch of other peasants we took their shit and we rode out of there

bull style thank you so much thank you asher for contributing um to our patreon via bull thank you to everyone that we've shouted out thus far and everyone we are yet to shut out if you haven't heard your name shouted out in the podcast that is because your shout out is coming on a future episode uh we are getting there and remember folks when the naysayers in your life you know you're trying to tell them a story and and they're you're saying oh did you know the moon isn't real it's an alien spaceship and they're saying no no no it's definitely not you look them dead in the eyes and you say that's so hard to believe and then you put the barrel of gunpowder for men in your mouth give it a spritz and walk off into the sunset just like lex shotgun blast would do adios