This Paranormal Life - #110 Attack Of The Delhi Shadow Monkey

Episode Date: April 30, 2019

Delhi, India, 2001. In the hot summer evenings, residents took to sleeping outside on their terraces. At most, they thought, risking a bug bite. But little did they know there was a paranormal night b...east stalking the city, and they were all on it's hit-list. To this day it remains a mystery even the police couldn't solve. But will Kit and Rory crack the case?Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 There's a black hole at the center of our galaxy. How do we kill it before it kills us? Why can't I look directly at the sun? What do they not want me to see? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Hey, welcome back to the podcast. You're listening to This Paranormal Life, a podcast where every week we dissect a different paranormal case and get to the bottom of whether it is truly paranormal or not as always you're joined by your two favorite paranormal investigators in the world my name's kit greer this guy's rory pars hello folks and we're back with another doozy for you how are you doing today rory i'm doing great uh quick note on
Starting point is 00:00:41 your first question how to kill a black hole before it kills us love to um two options right off the bat poison no one i don't think everyone's tried to fire poison into a black hole just kill it dead right on the spot uh second technique i would use maybe a shark right launching a shark into a black hole well i see your logic they're both hyper effective against humans and failing that shoot it go up there with a space gun and shoot it anything dangerous snake knife bomb any of the above yeah all all valid options because we got no better ideas those ones are free nasa the next one's gonna cost you so we're not gonna mess around at the top of the show we're gonna dive right into today's investigation which comes courtesy of a listener that sent us this one by email.
Starting point is 00:01:28 They wrote, Paranormal greetings, my paranormal colleagues. While I was attending PUSC, Paranormal University of Southern California, in 2001, where I earned my PPHD, Paranormal PhD. You're saying these things as if we don't know what they are. Yeah, obviously we do. I heard about the following unusual case. what do you guys make of it paranormally yours dr suarez aka mr footlong because i once ate a 12 inch hot dog in one bite so i guess thank you to dr suarez for sending this one into us he seems like the worst person alive yeah basically but i'm grateful that he took the
Starting point is 00:02:02 time to write to us so without further ado for today for today's story, we journey to Delhi, India. It is 1.45am, April 5th, 2001. And Mr. Anil Gopal is asleep on his terrace, probably enjoying restful dreams. When he was jolted awake with pain, he cried out in shock as teeth and claws dig into his body. But before he even realizes what has attacked him, it is almost escaped out of sight. But Anil makes out just enough what appears to be a monkey leaping away into the night. Now, Anil is a responsible man. He could have just gone back to sleep or thought about himself. Personally, I would have been worried I had rabies after getting bitten by a night monkey. Don't go back to sleep even if you're bitten by a day monkey.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Not a shadow monkey. Absolutely not. Who knows what you have. Any beast that feeds at night should be taken seriously. He's just gaping wounds. He's like, I'm very very tired though i've got an early shift tomorrow it's like you should go see a doctor no honestly i'm exhausted and you know what since the monkeys bit me i've become progressively more tired i feel like i'm
Starting point is 00:03:14 slipping away we're going to the doctor putting in earplugs i really think a power nap will do it is this a water bed it's a pool of your own blood. They always just prescribe bed rest anyway. I'm just beating them to the prescription. But he actually did what anyone should do in that situation. He called the police on that monkey. Good call. So the police drive around and for the rest
Starting point is 00:03:38 of the night of April 5th, 2001 it was just a regular textbook monkey crime scene investigation. The police take a statement from Mr. O'Neill. They check out the house and that's that. Not much you can do as a police officer in that case. There's no fingerprints, I guess, because it's a monkey. Weeks go by.
Starting point is 00:03:54 The memory of the attack is fading. And the police report is gathering dust. O'Neill's bite marks on his arm are almost healed up. All quiet. Until April 18th, 2001. 3.45 AM. A woman is peacefully sleeping on her terrace. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:04:12 When. Ah! She screams. A flurry of teeth, paws and claws come flying at her. She tries to bat it away. And in the pitch black, she sees the monkey creature leap off the terrace and into the night. Oh god. Knowing what happened two weeks previous she immediately calls the police. Now before with Mr Anil this was a one-off, a freak incident, but two attacks by a monkey creature in two weeks?
Starting point is 00:04:40 This is where the police get out the cork board, put two pins on the map with a little piece of string in between them. They get it started. Right. They're trying to work out motives, locations, suspects. They're bringing monkeys in for questioning. They line them up, usual suspect style. Yeah. And go, could you point at the one that it was?
Starting point is 00:05:00 But they're all just jumping all over the place. It's impossible to pin them down. It's tough because, you know, you put a monkey in a room with a one-way mirror they just think they're still at the zoo yeah because they're just still behind the glass so you know you're you're on the intercom you know hitting it's like please all the monkeys right up against the wall and they're just throwing their own shit yeah like they're arguably angrier and more fierce since you brought them in here like if they weren't a killer in the world, they're a murder monkey now. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Because there was a lot of police brutality going on as well. They're clubbing these monkeys, pushing them into the rooms. They are institutionalized. It's animal warfare. It's pigs v. monkeys. The police are like, in retrospect, I don't know why we got them from the zoo. They're locked up already. The police interviewing the zookeepers. We think one one of your monkeys did it is that what you want
Starting point is 00:05:49 your monkeys locked away behind bars they live in a zoo that's where they are now i call them the little convicts they already wear the stripy pajamas and so a station house officer at vj nagar police station was ordered by his boss to keep a file on any monkey related incidents that were reported in the area. Just to keep tabs, you know? So the cops in the station are monitoring the reports that are coming in as the days go by and this list of attacks just keeps growing. And a crime of this magnitude cannot be kept under wraps word of the attack
Starting point is 00:06:26 spread fast citizens didn't feel safe in their homes anymore and definitely not in their terraces yes stop sleeping on the terraces if there is but it's so hot oh god it's probably like 40 degrees but would you sleep out with the nice cool breeze with a high risk of a night monkey attack if it's hot enough i suppose absolutely yeah i suppose so you come in from a long day at work hi sweetie i'm home did you remember to buy ice oh i forgot the fucking ice oh jesus we gotta sleep on the terrace again why don't i just call the monkey now why don't i just call the police now i'll just say oh great i'll just call the ambulance while we're at it oh well we're gonna be attacked by night monkeys but you know we don't have to sleep outside.
Starting point is 00:07:06 Yeah, you want to sit in here? You want to sleep in here and roast our asses off? Come on, put on your banana skirt and let's go to the terrace. That's taunting him at that point. That's right. No one was able to sleep on a terrace all April. And as reporters took to the street to try and report on what was happening, dozens, even hundreds of people volunteered descriptions of the beast, what it looked like and how it behaved. Which was
Starting point is 00:07:28 great for evidence, except the descriptions started to vary somewhat. Whilst people mostly described a small monkey creature a few feet tall, occasionally others disagreed and said that thing's pretty big. Whenever I saw it, it resembled a gorilla even. In one sighting in May, a woman described the creature's giant bulb-like eyes flashing in the dark. Some before the monkey ran her over on the highway. It honked a very loud horn. Some even described seeing it jump 20 feet at a time, which would explain how it got up onto all those terraces yeah others reported that he even had a helmet and a jacket and was jacked okay kind of seems like borderline a different thing yeah and you might think that the police were
Starting point is 00:08:18 kind of annoyed by this case the police are very busy we all have experienced it if you've ever reported a crime me for example um my bike got stolen a while back and i just for like insurance purposes just i never thought i was going to get it back but i lodged the the police report online you can do it online it's very convenient now instantaneously i got an email being like case closed nothing we can do like they've got those cases just on an auto respond yeah it's pretty depressing when something like happened i have my phone stolen as well and like within 30 seconds they're like we're not getting it back like you're not you're never gonna see that phone again and it's kind of like okay shouldn't we live in hope whatever happened to that couldn't you say something a little nicer like at least to like calm my spirit just say you're gonna keep an eye out they're like just you know we've been called about 40 phones tonight
Starting point is 00:09:14 like you're one of these 40 phones and someone's been stabbed so you're pretty low on the priority you'll be just fine kid so it's a pretty pretty you know not the greatest response you want from the boys in blue if you've got you've got an internet connection time to bloody send us this report you could buy another phone jesus christ a 20 quid kid that's why i had to get their attention and go around town as a monkey biting people on their terraces holy shit the descriptions right here jackedaring a helmet and goggles? No iPhone? Yeah, so I would imagine, personally, that if I was to go online to the Met Police website and file a monkey...
Starting point is 00:09:56 No one do this because it's probably illegal. But file a fake monkey attack report. I just don't think that thing's going to get serious investigation. Not until there's enough people reporting the same monkey threat. You've got to write a click-baity title to the description. Shadow monkey fights back. Six shadow monkey attacks in your area. Number five will make you cry.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Yeah, and in the kind of additional evidence attachment field, I'll put in like a youtube style thumbnail of my shock face yeah whoa and then of course some like linked articles as well so it's like this is what these four uh child monkey stars look like now you won't believe it plus you got to have that Amazon affiliate link at the bottom. If you want to pick up some monkey protection gear, follow this link. We'll get 10% back. Of course.
Starting point is 00:10:52 So you might think that the Delhi police were kind of annoyed. I mean, so one of the most populated, maybe the most densely populated place on earth. We've got a lot of crimes to think about. This was far from the truth. They were very invested in this. When one reporter interviewed the deputy police commissioner of Northwest Delhi about what his feeling was about this case, he said, quote, I'm sorry, in such matters as this, there's nothing like a gut feeling. We are investigating the matter professionally and we will get to the bottom of it.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Which is the attitude I want to see. With my f***ing iPhone. God damn it. I don't care who dies. i don't care what it takes i'm pretty sure this thing goes to the heart of government this thing we got to keep our voices on sorry straight to the top look i don't want to freak anyone out but i think mibs ganked my shit a lot of confidential research notes from our podcasts on there they were killed to get their hands on that a lot of confidential research nudes were on that phone when i lost it all right and i think the mibs
Starting point is 00:11:50 wanted that shit to keep me down because they're they know i'm thinking of running in 2024 and they need the blackmail content to shut me the f up and those pigs i called were in on it they're in on the whole thing and the police did take it seriously enough to even commission police sketches that they released to the public of what we're looking for okay i can show you these right now i'm ready wow wow okay folks so we have two we have two variants of the the monkey why do we have two different versions uh you might see the description there i think the left side is kind of more what the police believe they were looking for and on the right was more what the public described in their testimonies okay so you know we got kind of what you're imagining here. A little furry monkey, monkey style man.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Mm-hmm. He looks around three or four foot. Weird little sharp clawed fingers. Tiny little feet. His face is a clown's face. Okay. It looks like he's wearing clown makeup. Sure.
Starting point is 00:13:00 But he does look quite like a gorilla or a monkey, a member of the ape family. He's almost cute. He looks like a kind of cartoon character. Yeah, as opposed to the one on the right, which is very similar, but he's dressed in what looks like a Santa's elf. One of Santa's elves with a motorbike helmet on. Yes. But still the claws, though creepy clown makeup in the tiny feet.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Yeah, they are almost the same thing it's like the way barbie had like beach mode uh college mode yeah this monkey this monkey just has motorbike mode and nude mode if you've seen my missing iphone at all you'll know i'm very fond of nude mode yeah actually i take back what i said now that you've zoomed in on them they're not cute it's actually quite terrifying. Pretty bad. His eyes are red his face is scowling he looks like he has a scar from the Lion King scar through his eye. Yeah. He scratched himself in some kind of kerfuffle. They do look like alcoholic unemployed clown babies. Yes yes actually this is terrifying if that attacked you in the night. The police weren't just taking this monkey beast seriously.
Starting point is 00:14:09 He'd gone under their skin. He was in their mind. F***ing with their minds. I need to know how. One day, a reporter was at the Vijay Nagar police station when in the canteen he saw four monkeys eating in the canteen, just willy-nilly. And when they asked the police why they weren't chasing away these monkeys from the police canteen, the cops said, quote, well, we don't want to be bitten.
Starting point is 00:14:36 What? The police are so scared of all the monkey attacks. They were letting monkeys eat in the canteen that is ridiculous that is like you know how in all those crime movies at some point there's a suspicion that someone is a dirty cop right like someone on the force is working for the other side if you're in a police lunch room and there's four monkeys sitting down at a lunch table eating bananas, you've got to start suspecting the reason why this monkey hasn't been caught. Why is evidence going missing?
Starting point is 00:15:12 Wait a minute, does one of those monkeys have a badge? Who gave him a gun? Which he never seems to have to reload. It's like, I've got to tell the chief about this. Turns around, Chief Bobo, are you seeing this shit? I don't know what monkeys you're talking about. Maybe you should go see the psychiatrist, Dr. Zaius. Ah, they're everywhere!
Starting point is 00:15:32 At this point, we're at a fever pitch. People are watching their backs, paranoid, that at any moment, the monkey could strike. On one occasion, word got out that the police had arrested the monkey man. Hundreds of people descended on the police station to catch a glimpse of the beast, but the police had to hold everyone back and be like, no, we wish we caught the Monkey Man, this is just a crazy viral rumor. And also even if they had, if you've learned anything from King Kong, don't all rush there
Starting point is 00:16:03 and try to take photos of this psycho monkey, because he'll go apeshit, literally." But gradually, the reports dropped off, as if the Monkey Man of Delhi had finally moved on, at least to another city, leaving the citizens of Delhi safe for the moment. But none the wiser about what actually happened during those weeks. It's been popular ever since to claim that this was some kind of mass hysteria, that the fact that all the men and women descended onto the police station as soon as they heard the monkey was arrested, that it was a figment of the imagination.
Starting point is 00:16:35 But it should be noted that apparently senior officers at Ghaziabad, Noida, and other stations refused to dismiss this as a figment of the imagination. Thoughts? I have a lot of thoughts. And a couple questions, actually. Please. So, judging by the fact that there were monkeys eating in the police cafeteria, I have reason to suspect that there is a reasonable monkey populace in this location.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Right. Like, they're obviously local to this part uh of the town or city where these people are located so granted you know a couple people suffering from a monkey attack is a pretty bad thing i don't know how frequent that is in this place that's a good question um i don't have this statistics on it but one interesting point that came up because this story got pretty well covered in india as well as here and one reporter did talk to um like people who were experts on these monkeys and they pretty much ruled out the concept that any zoo monkey or indeed any wild monkey
Starting point is 00:17:39 was capable of doing it they said they simply don't attack without provocation so the idea of them attacking a sleeping person is pretty much impossible that is yeah that's an interesting to bring up unless there's some sort of monkey disease that i don't know about it could affect a monkey's behavior some kind of monkey rage virus exactly exactly which i'm pretty sure is what happened in planet of the apes yeah shit we need to get this thing before it bangs another monkey and has super aggressive night monkey babies well given this happened in 2001 it's too late i think monkeys like banging enough for their this to be out of control okay but that's good to know at least that they ruled that
Starting point is 00:18:23 it was probably not a regular monkey i mean that is the the obvious kind of go-to isn't it is that whenever we have these paranormal cases that are just a hair's breadth between being regular zoological cases and crypto zoological cases right it becomes tempting to think maybe this is we know that animals exist why can't it just be an animal but pretty interesting that they stamped that out kind of right off the bat i mean this is 2001 as well like this is a time where camera phones exist cctv exists are we to believe that this monkey freaking assassins created his way past everyone yeah i mean that's an interesting point i like i guess delhi in 2001 is like quite a different place to say new york city i guess a city like new york
Starting point is 00:19:12 that's so notorious for being so lit up all the time yeah it might be harder for a monkey to skulk around whereas i don't know much about delhi but i know it's separated into these massive districts and so it might be easier for them to kind of skulk around in the suburbs a little bit more yeah i guess like the city version of this is ikea monkey that's the city version of a night beast yeah like he just kind of what he just wore a jacket and ran around ikea yeah i don't even know how he got the jacket what was in that jacket as well he might have been a slasher, like this shadow monkey. He might have had knives and guns and shit in there.
Starting point is 00:19:50 The one thing that I keep coming back to is, you know, if this is some sort of hyper-aggressive night beast in a monkey's body that we have to worry about. When I was in school, when we were in school, actually i was in school when we were in school actually maybe we're it was when we were still going to the same school we took a trip once to uh belfast zoo where you know you see a lot of different uh animals there but their biggest attraction is like their big gorilla enclosure and i remember the teacher at the time when we were kids you know showing us the grill and being like uh this is super interesting kids you know a lot of scientists theorize that through evolution we actually came from monkeys so what you're looking
Starting point is 00:20:30 at behind this glass is actually you know your great great great ancestor from millions of years ago um and then i watched the gorilla walk up to the glass and uh just piss all over his own food yeah he had a whole bowl of food and he just pissed all over it and then proceeded to eat it while locking eyes with with the children right um so i guess what i'm saying is i'm not that intimidated by any form of super monkey right i don't think any creature that is hasn't evolved to the point where they know they shouldn't piss on their own food i think we're still safe i i'm not so convinced because what if that monkey is super intelligent but just wants to see the world burn he's some kind of joker monkey i would explain why they also throw their own poop yeah he's on some psycho shit i
Starting point is 00:21:23 mean he has scarred me for life so he did achieve something he really got you thinking yeah you haven't forgotten him anyway okay so there's a couple of possibilities this thing is granted what people say it is some kind of demon monkey hybrid beast or indeed that it's a escaped zoo monkey or maybe that it is decades later some kind of incarnation of the spring hill jack but you don't seem convinced by any of these so what are you saying um yeah i think you kind of summed it up i'm not entirely convinced by any of these i think if we're investigating a cryptid that attacked people as recently as 2001 that has to come with a certain degree of
Starting point is 00:22:02 physical evidence whether it's photographs of the um the bite marks that the monkey left behind video oh shit kit just kit just held his hand rudely in my face and insisted i stop talking so he can bring up presumably a picture of a monkey bite mark if you don't think there's physical evidence then what is this so i'm showing roy a video um done by associated press uploaded in 2015 but an archive footage from 2001 and basically they went around talking to dozens and dozens of people in delhi about their experiences with the monkey man and they're talking about their experiences but crucially we're gonna see some evidence all right so one of the guys is lifting up his shirt to show oh okay he's got some marks there and they do look pretty bad that is a strange place to bite someone but they do
Starting point is 00:22:56 genuinely look like they are quite like long yeah i won't have it said there isn't physical evidence sir okay okay granted i don't know why you waited so late in the game to pull the ace from your sleeve. I forgot. Great. That pushed me from like 5% to 10% believability. So granted, you did shift the needle a little bit there. Well, look. Bite marks on a guy's body from archive footage from over 15 years ago isn't enough to convince
Starting point is 00:23:26 me that there is an actual demon monkey i think if he well la-di-da because he didn't even do anything paranormal he just did anything a regular monkey could do he just bit people looked paranormal he was a monkey in a crash helmet what else do you want like it sounds like he's done this and people are suffering in the worst town that there could be a possible monkey attack when the police who are hunting down a monkey will let monkeys come into the police station and eat their food how do they know that's not what the monkey like you should be on monkey alert like you have the the authority to shoot any monkey on on spot on site i mean in retrospect the fact that the policemen were so scared of regular monkeys to
Starting point is 00:24:14 let them eat in the canteen suggests that they in some way felt that the entire thing was about just regular monkeys yeah well if anything if they're that afraid of the regular monkeys they definitely shouldn't be the people hired to take down the super monkey they should be eating those small monkeys for breakfast in the canteen perchance hey great story i loved it um and i appreciate the bringing the evidence to me at the last second real twist in the tail there that was great but i think in my conclusion for this week's episode, it's still going to be a no. This is bullshit. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I'm sorry, man. So you're a yes then? Absolutely not. I have to regroup and come back with some more evidence. Hopefully the monkey man of Delhi rears his ugly little clown face in the near future,
Starting point is 00:25:02 15 years later, that we can investigate this again i guess for now i agree we don't have enough evidence thank you dr suarez for sending that into us a very intriguing case yeah about the monkey man of delhi um as always you can let us know what you think about this one this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com let us know what you think on the socials that's where we hang out this power life on twitter facebook.com forward slash this paranormal life and as always check out the secret society that's where probably the majority of the commune are hanging out um discussing these episodes and just posting cool shit that they find if you join the paranormal commune we can guarantee you safety
Starting point is 00:25:40 from all monkeys and all night beasts uh that come along we have essentially as a commune created a uh a bug zapper yeah that attracts any mammal so not just you know you bug zapper you get your flies and mosquitoes and things they're drawn to the light and it fries them to pieces we've invented some sort of mega generator that um hell even i want to touch the thing we are unfortunately 90 something percent monkey all of us genetically yeah so it's always gonna look a little attractive yeah of course you know you're always gonna want to just go over there and touch it a little bit dreams yeah granted the thing is now they look at it it's smoking it's a 10 out of 10 it's hot as shit i want to touch it i want to
Starting point is 00:26:22 maybe lick it a little bit yeah uh but the last three guys that did died so that's a bit of a turn off yeah but we're building the fence the fence will be constructed in a while uh granted that is electric so don't touch that either don't go anywhere near the west wing of the commune because that is filled with a lot of things that will kill you except for the crash the crash is a great on. And if you just cannot get enough paranormal investigations, go on over to patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life, where you can get, shout outs, bonus episodes, t-shirts to get you access into the commune.
Starting point is 00:26:57 To get you, I believe, a fast pass access into the commune. It's a Disneyland sort of theme park style admissions scheme where if you have that t-shirt you are you can skip the queue head right on in yeah we have one of those uh disney style like it's a small world uh rides you know where you sit on the little the little uh car and you're driven around in the water you know like it's a small world after all. The CIA and FBI know all your shit. We're being watched 24-7 and the greys are in our heads. You know, a little tour of just like how, like what's going on in the world. You come out the other side woke.
Starting point is 00:27:36 Yeah. It's a great experience. Yeah. And like I say, we do shout outs on Patreon. And that is what we like to round off every episode by doing. It's by doing those shout outs right here. So special thank you to William Geschlecht. Do you smell that bacon?
Starting point is 00:27:53 That's Will Ham, the dirtiest cop I know. Chief of investigation on the monkey case himself. I witnessed William slash Will Ham take a straight up banana bribe from monkeys on the streets to turn the other cheek he's a simian sympathizer he's a chimp compadre he's a bonobo
Starting point is 00:28:16 bestie he's a dirty pig for dirty monkeys but if some of that dirty monkey money is coming our way on Patreon welcome aboard brother thank you wilhelm we will allow monkeys into the commune we will allow all types of ape monkey and chimp into the commune absolutely we will and thank you also to rosie waterhouse rosie the girl who tried to water her house turn it into a mansion that works no absolutely not it was completely flooded and
Starting point is 00:28:46 destroyed like all her scrapbooks family heirlooms it was completely i don't know who told her that would work how much water did she use i mean it was it was a i think she built a machine that launched a 10-foot tidal wave directly at the house. Wow. I mean, that's not even how you water a plant. No. I don't think she knows how to garden. I think tidal waves usually mean destruction in most cultures. Someone should have stopped her. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:14 But I'm glad to see she landed back on her feet. I hope the house is doing fine. And thank you for your support. Thank you also to Sam Bowman. People only hear stories about Robinin hood no one ever talks about sam bowman everyone knows robin hood could do that shit where you know he would shoot an arrow through an apple on a guy's head yeah sam bowman he was the guy who invented that even doper shit where his arrow would split robin hood's arrow in half yeah as it shot an arrow on someone's head yeah
Starting point is 00:29:46 yeah people just don't talk about him much because he used to um steal from the poor to give to the rich right so it was less like a noble cause of a controversial figure that way it's kind of like you know people love batman because he stops crime but if there was like a cooler batman who just beat up homeless people like you still wouldn't talk about him that much how would he be that cool but that mean it's a i don't know would he just have cool like sneakers or something yeah i guess so clothes but hey fine sam bowman i hope you're still keeping up with the bow and arrow and i'm glad you remember the paranormal commune thank you also to connor hamilton here comes that smell of bacon again it's ham ham hamilton the dirty pig that's right another officer of the force or should i say officer of divorce that's right
Starting point is 00:30:37 because he's dividing the the peace between man and monkey. And all the while, just filling his home with banana upon banana. Exactly. Stockpiling for the monkey apocalypse. We see you, you dirty pig, taking monkey bribes. Where's your justice? Also, thank you for the bananas. We just got them in the mail the other day. They are delicious. We really
Starting point is 00:30:59 appreciate it. The monkeys really do know where to find the best bananas. Thanks also to Ted Graham. Ted Graham! Well, if it isn't another dirty pig. Oink, oink. Well, I didn't know we had the whole force supporting us.
Starting point is 00:31:15 Full police academy. Full little crooks. This was the guy that took down Harambe. What? Harambe was gonna blow the whistle on this whole monkey cop treaty he was the snowden of monkeys it seemed he truly was and ted graham that son of a bitch took him out whoa unbelievable stuff just to keep keep the lid on the operation disgusting disgusting stuff i hope i hope you enjoy those blood bananas
Starting point is 00:31:46 you got grey ham and i'm yeah thank you for sending a couple of them our way yes the blood doesn't detract from delicious taste because it's just on the skin you peel it off and then the banana's fine so thank you thanks also to ronan callan i I heard that Roman Ronan just flown in from Zotan, a galaxy very, very far away. Wow. Yeah, I know. It's incredible he made the journey here in the first place. I know he's a busy roamer. I mean, roamer is really like not a high enough praise for what he does.
Starting point is 00:32:22 It's a bit of an understatement. That makes it sound like he's a backpacker. Yeah. No, he is an intergalactic traveler of sorts. Yeah, I think he's a conqueror of galaxies. Oh. You may know him by his other title. I think it's like a destroyer of gods.
Starting point is 00:32:37 Oh, fair. I sometimes call him Roman Ronin. Oh, it's just you then. Yeah, it's just I'm trying to like keep it chill because it's like you know i'm shit scared you're terrified i'm really terrified he killed a god man so yeah i'm gonna keep it chill with him and guess what he hates it yeah it backfired his shit he's angry now oh yeah he's been traveling towards earth with just a mighty fist of justice for the last 10 000 years thankfully he's another he's another 5,000 light years away.
Starting point is 00:33:07 So we got some time. Yeah. But the destroyer of worlds, Roman Ronan, is coming. And lastly, but not leastly, thank you to Stephen Watt. Stephen, honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you. I think I'd be heaving, Stephen. You'd be heaving? I'd be heaving without Stephen. Like throwing up?ing? I'd be heaving without Stephen. Like,
Starting point is 00:33:25 throwing up? Yeah, honestly, what? What else would I be doing? Why are you saying it that way? What way? I don't know why Stephen says his name. Stephen what? Stephen what? I think you're heaving. Look, Stephen,
Starting point is 00:33:41 I'm sorry we gotta be leaving, but, um, I don't know what else to Look, Steven, I'm sorry we gotta be leaving, but I don't know what else to do. So I'm glad that you're believing that this podcast is achieving. And hopefully after next weekend, my nose is bleeding. I gotta go, Steven. I can't be breathing.
Starting point is 00:33:59 My throat's closing over. We gotta wrap this up. Hopefully with your support and the fact that you are believing, Stephen, no one can shut this project down. Okay. I don't care what they are or what they say. Stop me. Thank you so much to everyone we've shouted out on this podcast so far,
Starting point is 00:34:20 everyone in previous episodes. And if you are waiting on your shout out, don't worry. It's coming. We just got a bit of shout out, don't worry, it's coming. You just got a bit of a backlog, but we're trying to get there. Uh, one episode at a time. Thank you for tuning in this week.
Starting point is 00:34:32 We will see you next Tuesday for a brand new paranormal tale. Bye folks.

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