This Paranormal Life - #159 The Ancient Aliens of Planet X AKA Nibiru
Episode Date: April 7, 2020Close the blinds. Draw your curtains. Tape over your webcam. Throw your phone in a river and open your third eye! This week's investigation is finally here and it's a biggie. We deep dive on the theor...y that ancient aliens from the planet Nibiru created humanity here on Earth.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Did ancient humans have helicopters made of stone?
If I could use 100% of my brain power at once, could I microwave food using my mind?
Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life!
Yo!
Welcome back to This Paranormal Life, the comedy podcast where every week we get to the bottom of a paranormal case and decide whether it is truly paranormal or not. We're joined by myself,
Mr. Kit Greer-Mobena, this guy across from me, Mr. Rory Powers. How are you doing today, Rory?
I'm doing great. And it is a comedy podcast, all right? Because sometimes when you're delivering
a very damaging piece of information that's going to destroy people's lives you have to package it
up in something that you know will soften the blow a little bit that's what they tell you in
police academy when you've got to deliver awful news exactly you got to just throw in a little
punch line at the end yeah you know uh you go to i don't know the the the mother of a family and be
like hey yeah i work with your husband here on the force
and he's a pretty stand-up guy,
but not currently as he is six foot under.
Oh my, what?
Yeah.
What kind of joke is that?
Did you not get it?
Oh my, oh.
He's not standing anymore.
You gotta learn to take a joke, ma'am.
That's right, we are here to be a comedy podcast but we're also
here to tell the truth about the paranormal and today is no different roy we got the listeners
at home can see but we we got okay i don't have any ice in my glass but you gotta take my word
on it i can shake my whole day hold on there you go all right we're drinking we're drinking on the
cast because much like comedy something else that helps the truth go down is hard liquor.
And there's an abundance of truth today, Rory.
The case that I've prepared, I'm just saying it up front.
This is going to be huge.
I think it's going to be a couple of yeses.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
This week's episode comes courtesy of Barry Norton, who wrote into this Paranormal Life podcast at gmail.com.
Thank you so much for writing in, Barry.
In his email, he said,
I have an episode suggestion for you i just watched this sort of online lecture on amazon prime it was super low rent just a guy talking over a powerpoint presentation with a visible mouse
cursor it was pretty funny but hell if i am a believer now it's a double yes for me brother
i didn't know that the bar of entry to amazon prime was that low
i thought it was a pretty a pretty exclusive club you know be like hey i got a new show coming out
it's on amazon prime i would i would think if you said that to me i would think you were a baller
yeah it what makes me want to see what what i could get on i'm starting to think we could get
the show on there borderline get this hunk of junk on amazon prime i can i can turn this into a
powerpoint presentation that's no problem we could do it yeah so with a t-up like that i had to check
it out and rory barry was not wrong this case could blow everything wide open sorry my mom's
calling me that's embarrassing that's kind of no it's fine it's kind of a crazy world out there i
mean it might be important do you want to take the call it's not the right time mother she's trying to facetime i think she wants to see like
your face as well it doesn't matter because i'm her baby boy is working all right just as long
as it doesn't distract you that's fine no if you can won't distract me it's fine okay cool
because i know you're really close to your mom so like you you often don't get worried not that
close because i'm not answering the phone am i I? You're looking at it a lot.
I feel like the fact that you can't move past this
is that it's going to impact the podcast in a negative way.
It's not impacting me, bro.
You seemed pretty hyped up on the idea before my mom called
and now it's all we're talking about.
Well, it's a little distracting.
And to be honest, listen, bro, I could do it.
If you want to take the call, I could do a little filler.
It's fine by me.
It's true, but it's very it's
not short some truths are like short and to the point you know what i mean they're not they're
not all funny how short all entertaining how short is this that you think i'm gonna have honestly a
long enough chat with my mom on the phone to fill an entire podcast worth five times longer than the
actual episode itself how long have you did? Have you, did you watch the
show? Did you watch the documentary? Yeah, well, the documentary can be condensed to like,
honestly, a couple sentences. You can blast through that PowerPoint presentation.
Turns out it moves as fast as you can hit enter. Our story begins back in the 1970s. Back then,
as today, archaeologists all around the world were trying their best to uncover the secrets of the ancient past. You know we've talked about ancient Egyptians on
this show before for example but believe it or not there is an ancient and
mystical civilization that dates back even further than the most ancient of
Egyptians. We're talking over 1,000 years older than the ancient Egyptian
civilization. Rory this is the ancient Sumerian people.
Situated in Mesopotamia, what today we think of as the Middle East. And what makes the
Sumerians so fascinating is that seemingly out of nowhere in the historical record, after
tens of thousands of years of humans living the simple life, About 6,000 years ago, the Sumerians come along
and develop the first written language ever. They basically invent architecture overnight.
Right off the bat, these guys are on a winning streak. It's insane. If you develop the first
written language in history, it's like, okay, beginner's luck. Sure, you came up with something
cool. That's all these guys have got. They're a one-trick pony but then they come along and create architecture not only that they had what does that
mean what were people doing before mud huts right for a quarter million years the mud hut was
reign supreme eiffel tower to hire the hut sure you were a genius architect but the point is that
there were no blueprints involved in the making of that mud hut no building took longer than 35 minutes to make of course yeah
so as soon as someone was like hey let's throw a couple sticks in there let's throw a couple rocks
in there boom overnight you got your conservatories you got your penthouse suites with the finest mud
available of course no regular river mud.
This is mud that has been, it's, okay, it's poop.
I'll admit it.
It's, it's animal poop.
It's a premium style of mud.
Yeah.
But that's how humans live for the longest time.
And then these people came along and said, hey, we've got gods now.
We got people to worship.
We need a, we need a nice pad.
They put it together, put massive, colossal stone buildings.
Not only that, they had the first system of medicine.
Even forms of surgery with surgical tools.
They were even engineers.
They designed the first irrigation systems.
How about this one?
Ever heard of this?
The f***ing wheel?
Yeah.
They made the wheel?
They invented the wheel.
Oh my god.
I actually didn't know who invented the wheel. Now you know the Sumerians are behind it all not to mention time itself
They invented get this time used to be mud. All right people
Just sludge through the universe would be like when you want to get breakfast together
I don't know in five muds
Yeah the universe it'd be like when you want to get breakfast together i don't know in five muds yeah five mud bricks and then one day it takes to build five mud huts and then one guy
one day what some dude called mud michael was just like hey what time do you guys want to go to lunch
how about tuesday oh my god what's tuesday we've never heard of tuesday before he's like well
that's that's what i'm gonna call six muds away from now all right and then time that's it they invented the concept of breaking up time into 60 minute chunks and 60
second chunks like we still use that today that is a direct sumerian invention uh and lastly but
not leastly i mean they've they meant a lot but one of but one of the goat moves was beer. They were huge beer guys.
Wow.
The wheel and beer, that's a dangerous combination.
They had a whole, you know, it was like godly to them, beer, you know?
So clearly this ancient civilization knew something that others didn't.
And clearly, researchers needed to get to the bottom of this.
Thankfully, the Sumerians wrote a lot of shit down.
Because pretty much no one before that wrote anything down, but they did. It's believed that
around half a million Sumerian clay tablets have been discovered so far. The problem is that both
now and in 1976, pretty much nobody can read cuneiform, which is what they wrote in.
Ah, okay.
Even today, with the instant and free access of information
provided by the internet probably only a few hundred people on planet earth really understand
this stuff which is why to this day out of that half million only a few thousand have been
translated wow you think there'd be like a robot that could do it by now yeah that's a really good point like
just you know automated process where they just scan it's like six muds means tuesday five muds
means wednesday have at it yeah go and then the machine would just learn but it's probably also
one of those things where it's like you could develop a machine that could do this and you're
like all right load up 20 000 of the the clay plates into the machine
and if we just push the button here and hit go they evaporated they're completely gone they're
destroyed forever all right we're not getting those back let's let's tweak the bitch and start
on the next 20 000 the machine thought it was a cement mixer for five minutes and it destroyed
everything you don't get you don't get two chances at reading
these things guys no that's like what when they take mummies out of pyramids and tubes all right
if someone so much as sneezes on the raw mummy if the thing blows into the wind you have to touch it
with the the gentle finesse of a uh a freaking daddy long legs dick you have to be tender it's like having
like a trillion dollar dandelion how are you how are you caring for that thing so thankfully back
in the 70s a man called zachariah sitchin was one of the few who could translate cuneiform i say
thankfully because in his research sit Sitchin saw things in
the tablets that others were missing, things that didn't make sense. He even thought, what if the
bizarre stories contained in these ancient tablets were not myth, like other researchers assumed,
but history? And he would soon face a dilemma. If you are a researcher and it is your duty to report
the truth and that truth shits all over humanity's understanding of the world rips the history books
a new a-hole what do you do do you preserve peace and ignorance or do you pull the pin on this
paranormal grenade and let rip with the truth it's a very very, very difficult question. One that we face even as podcasters, you know, we come across incriminating evidence every
day.
Do we just keep going on with the status quo, chasing the Yankee dollar and the iTunes downloads?
Or do we, you know, pull the pin on this grenade and see what happens?
I mean, a lot of that evidence is already on Reddit.
It is arguably already in the public domain.
Of course.
But no one's drawn attention to it like we are.
Exactly.
As podcasters with an audience,
we have a responsibility to spread as much misinformation
into the world as possible just to stir up some shit.
In these Sumerian tablets,
they make repeated reference to the Anunnaki. These were the
gods of Sumerian civilization. They were said to be beings that came from the heavens and took up
dwellings among the Sumerian people. It was also said that they held immense powers and that they held immense powers, and that they decreed the fates of mankind.
It was believed that each Anunnaki represented different celestial bodies in the sky,
such as a particular planet or star.
Not only that, but each Anunnaki looked after a different city in Mesopotamia,
and these tablets recorded that the Anunnaki actually lived inside
the temple of each city. Wow, it just wasn't adding up for him. Sitchin quickly realized that he
wasn't looking at religious art or a fun little myth that the Sumerians taught
their kids about. No, he was looking at direct literal first-hand accounts of an
alien civilization here on Earth. Residents in your town and delivering wisdoms in... What the... What the f*** is that?
Mud hut?
You guys live...
You live in that?
You live in those?
No, no, no.
I don't live in that.
That is a palace for our king.
Oh!
Oh, no, no.
Okay, that's got to change.
I live in a termite hole.
Jesus Christ.
All right, look.
We're going to have to...
I'm going to teach you guys about blueprints.
We need to get down to the quarry. We're going to do some rocks I'm going to teach you guys about blueprints. We need to get down to the quarry.
We're going to do some rocks.
Can someone call us a car?
Could you call us a car, please?
A what now?
A car.
An Uber.
You guys have.
What's that?
Uber.
Is that some kind of potato that grows in a, is it in the termite hole?
We were never here.
No, no.
All of them beamed back up again don't go and rory i
realize that extraordinary claims like this require extraordinary evidence well feast your eyes on
this okay so kit has handed me an ipad with uh what i believe to be a series of pictures um of
slabs okay but let's just lack of a better word they are slabs
i mean i know i know we progress from mud to slab but slabs were the ipads of their day yeah
sorry i didn't definitely didn't mean that in an insulting way uh some of the i just watch your
tongue all right is all well don't get too angry because i think that the sumerians are pretty up
in some shit and i kind of I feel like I relate to them.
On the first slab, we have a carving of, looks like a guy sitting in a chair.
No, not quite a chair.
Almost like a Santa's sleigh type mobile.
While two other people approach him holding...
I can't really tell what they're holding.
I don't know how this was created.
It probably was created by rocks bashing into other softer rocks.
But the thing looks like shit.
I mean, it's really...
It's not good.
Unbelievably rude.
So, Rory's reading of the tablet is...
That's perfect.
Because that's typical of the f***ing dumbass Sumerian researchers
that were researching up to Zachariah Sitchin.
No, you're quite right to get preoccupied with what's going on in the image.
Okay.
That's the obvious stuff.
But let me draw your attention to a couple of things.
Right off the bat, look at the respective heights of these three people.
You'll notice that the
person in the chair sitting down is the same height as all the others that's true which leads
us to believe that this is some kind this is either a god or some kind of supreme being because
he's taller yes because you see this all throughout these sumerian tablets that the ones in the
position of power are physically different to the humans.
Okay.
Secondly, he's gifting, and this is a really weird shape, but have you ever seen what like
a handheld old-fashioned style plow looks like?
No, I don't believe so.
That is what the giant in this image is holding, and he's gifting it to the humans.
Right off the bat, we've got one of these supreme beings gifting the plow.
This is like gifting farming, gifting technology, gifting agriculture to the humans. Right off the bat we've got one of these supreme beings gifting the plough. This is
like gifting farming, gifting technology, gifting agriculture to the humans. Pretty cool stuff but
nothing paranormal yet. Until... Direct your attention Rory to the this sun in between the two guys.
Yeah that thing is weird. But the crucial thing here, the mind-blowing thing here there are 11 orbiting objects around
that sun this thing is 6 000 years old how the f**k do they have a two-scale diagram of the solar
system on a stone tablet right we didn't know about pluto we didn't know about neptune till
like a hundred years ago right so how is 6000 years ago have they itemized all the items in the solar system?
But there's one extra object.
What the f*** is it?
Where is that?
Because they counted the items in the solar system as the sun,
all the planets that we know of, plus the moon.
But even that only adds up to 11 objects in the solar system.
But here they have 12. that we know of, plus the moon, but even that only adds up to 11 objects in the solar system,
but here they have 12. You think it's a coincidence, Rory, that there are 12 planets?
That there's also 12 disciples of Jesus? The 12 tribes of Israel? That there's 12 gods of Olympus? That there's 12 hours in a day? That there are 12 inches in a foot? 12 months in a year?
Did you say 12 hours in a day? The 12 signs of the zodiac? 12 hours in a day? that there are 12 inches in a foot, 12 months in a year. Did you say 12 hours in a day?
The 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 hours in a day. Did I say that last? I think I said that last
one already. For those of you listening at home, Kit's pupils have rolled back into his head and
his eyes are pure white. Also, we think of Earth as the third rock from the sun. But if you count
the solar system backwards, the way the sumerians did from
this 12th object earth is actually the seventh planet aka seven days in the week aka seven days
of creation okay i get it numbers are paranormal the secret sauce here rory is that that 12th
object you when you add up all the planets in the solar system the sun and the moon that 12th object
is where the anunnaki come from oh it's their home planet that is nibiru okay this is what they
referred to as where the anunnaki came from i mean we're really honing in on one part of this
enormous slab there's other bits we're not talking about there's a number of uh tetris blocks in the
far right corner right
above what looks like a little goat with his dick out yeah but i mean we've all seen goats with their
dicks on we've all seen tetris so that shit isn't i mean sure i mean that's another future technology
maybe the anunnaki gave them that too tetris a couple thousand years early it was a hit game so
i could see why they'd want to show us that do i have to say spell it out loud folks
there are seven tetris blocks so rory feel free to check out the next couple of images let's just go
down if you scroll down to the next one so i'm showing rory yet another tablet in which you can
see the sheer size of this anunnaki oh yeah this son of a bitch is enormous yeah we've gone from him being possibly a foot taller
in the previous slab to him being a borderline giant a giant that's a good word to use then if
you check out the next one so this one's a lot more incriminating what what am i looking at
so we seem to have a guy on the right hand side maybe an anunnaki maybe a human yeah looks like
some animals on the left hand side we've got Anunnaki, maybe a human. Yeah. Looks like some animals on the left-hand side.
We've got what looks to be maybe a sun or some sort of interstellar object.
But crucially, in the middle of this tablet, we have a flying craft with three beings inside it.
Is that what that is?
Listen, you know, I'll give it to you, Roy.
These things are open for debate, but this is widely perceived as some kind of ufo object okay because it looks like a shelf with some pots on it
right right above an alligator standing up on its hind legs but it's flying isn't it because look at
the crescent moon underneath it's supposed to be in the sky if it's flying because it's carved on
a slab so right okay but there's a crescent moon underneath the shelves aka the ufo
i'm getting scared to say no so i'm gonna i'm gonna keep agreeing you don't you don't like
that one flick to the next image rory flick to the next image hurry up all right we're looking at
all right okay this is a little uh easier to interpret I've gone from bad to best.
I mean, there's nothing to tell you about here, folks.
These are just carvings of helicopters and spaceships on a rock.
But even the style, these look like they were done by a machine.
These don't even look like they were done by hand.
But Rory, the Sumerian experts will tell you,
oh, that's just like a river reed. Oh, yeah, that's just like a that's a river reed oh yeah that's just like that's a
that's an ear of grain that's just stuff that they had back then what when what we're seeing
is an apache attack helicopter a speedboat a rocket ship and i don't know what the f**k is
in the bottom these are so far past the wheel we're not even at some of these things yet so i
don't want to get too bogged on in that one.
But I mean, it definitely looks suspiciously.
Why did they bring them the wheel?
Why did they bring them the wheel if they were going to go straight to this?
They were like, all right, here you go, guys.
This is the wheel.
It goes round and round.
You know what?
F*** the wheel.
You guys are ready for planes.
We just found out that things are better than mud.
F*** it.
F*** that.
F*** everything.
Let's go to space.
This is like getting the kids from Willy Wonka into the factory but before you even let them
eat any of the f***ing chocolate you're on his weird speed boat that goes through an LSD river.
They can't even enjoy the technological advancements that you're giving them because
you're hitting them with so much future. Like imagine Willy Wonka bringing you onto the factory floor
and you're like, oh my God,
is that bamboo tree made out of chocolate?
And Willy Wonka's like, nevermind that.
You guys want to see an Oompa Loompa?
Those things are weird.
You're like, no, I just want to eat chocolate.
I came here to eat candy, sir.
Not to see weird shit.
What is this freak show?
Here, drink some of this soda.
It'll make you fly into the fans
It's like oh my god. Why would you do that to feel alive?
Sugar doesn't do it for me anymore
I'm numb to it. This is like here have a piece of this. Oh, what kind of candy is that? That's math you're gonna need it where you're going. Can I direct your attention to the second last exhibit Rory this
Very intricate tablet they're getting
better all right now this looks less like carvings on a slab and more of a jumanji board that you
would discover washed up on a beach I mean it is a slab but I agree it does look a little like a
jumanji board this is very intricate it's kind of hard to decipher what's going on. In the middle of this incredibly intricate image is a guy.
And he's sitting.
But if you look at this a certain way, Rory, this is a vehicle this guy's sitting in.
It's almost like a pod racer style gizmo he's sitting in.
And all the intricate kind of aspects of this image, they look like kind of technical or mechanical pieces.
It's like a machine he's sitting in.
Yeah.
Which already is far beyond the technical.
Any kind of machine of any kind is far beyond Stone Age tools that ancient peoples had access to.
And yet, this machine-style thing this human is sitting on has all kinds of tiny little pieces of operation yeah tiny little
mechanical gizmos where if you want to scroll down to the next image this now this is a modern image
of okay this isn't a slap a murky no it's a modern diagram of a mercury spacecraft but this is what
people have likened to the object that the previous tablet was showing off what we're looking at in that tablet rory
is a personal tiny spacecraft okay does this exist what a mercury spacecraft yeah that's like a
that's like the kind of thing you would burn up on re-entry uh after launching out of a rocket
ship and got it kind of thing if you want to like crash land on earth you would come down on one of these bad boys but being honest can you see any resemblance there
between the two i can see a slight resemblance uh especially you know going back to the slab
if you look at the kind of architecture and design and patterns that are being used you know it's very
intricate a lot of holes a lot of dots and lines hey, might just look like it's the style at the time.
Or is it an ancient civilization
trying to display what it is like
looking at an alien's control board?
Think if you told a caveman
to draw the command center of a Boeing 737.
They don't know what buttons are
or valves or handles.
They're just going to draw crazy designs,
lines, circles, cubes,
and you're going to come out with something
that looks a lot like this.
And sure, a couple bags of peanuts in there as well.
I was honestly pretty blown away when I saw that one.
I mean, even when you look at it
from a vertical point of view,
it looks like there's f***ing flames and clouds coming out the bottom.
It does.
It's very...
For a 6,000-year-old image, that's extremely uncanny.
You know what?
I flipped.
You flipped me.
I'm in.
I'm in now.
What else you got?
Give me more of these slabs.
For right now, I'm out of slabs.
So this is such a...
I apologize to the listeners at home.
This is such a visual medium right now.
I'm going to have to throw these images up on Patreon so that people can jump on and see that.
I can even make that one public.
You know, this is a little more difficult than my podcast last week where I was able to physically hand kit a dollar.
It is.
We don't have these slabs.
We don't.
All we have is the information the pixels to
be fair if it weren't for this covid 19 situation we could go to the british museum and see some of
these in the flesh are some of these in the british museum they've got a bunch of sumerian
tablets yeah that is crazy i don't know about these ones exactly i need to pinpoint these bad
boys i think the last time you and i went to the british museum uh we got sidetracked because
we started laughing yeah all the uh early carvings of humans yeah we started ragging on that early
human art i mean some of them are you got to see them guys it's garbage they're terrible the eyes
are massive it's made out of like twigs it's so embarrassing so rory having seen a number of these
tablets what are your immediate thoughts
i'm in brother that's my immediate thought you had me skeptical you started me with the shit slabs at
the start to you know kind of get me get me in the front door but now you're throwing ones at me
that are basically just carvings of rocket ships and and i'm in by studying and translating these
sumerian tablets sit Sitchin put together his
complete theory of who the Anunnaki were, how they changed the course of history here on Earth.
The first huge question in all of this is where did they come from? Sitchin believed that the
Anunnaki came from the planet Nibiru, an as yet undiscovered planet in our solar system somewhere beyond Neptune that
has a huge elliptical orbit of our sun, meaning it only orbits once every 3600 years or so,
which is why we haven't seen it yet. He put forth that the Anunnaki came to Earth a few
hundred thousand years ago, initially looking for gold. You see, on Nibiru, thanks to
thousands of years of environmental problems and nuclear warfare, the atmosphere was degrading,
and they drastically needed help to fix it. So by suspending gold particles in their upper
atmosphere, they could stop global warming in its tracks and reflect radiation from space.
Is there science to kind of back up any of
those points about gold or i mean gold that that would i mean weirdly humans have floated a lot of
these ideas i mean for a while there elon musk wanted to nuke mars uh to start a chemical chain
like chain reaction that would make Mars habitable for humans.
Right.
There are, it's called terraforming.
You can adjust a planet's atmosphere on such a scale
that it changes the planet's weather systems forever.
I do love that some of the smartest scientists in the world
still resort to nuking as our only option.
Because traditionally, you know,
it's the kind of like ignorant military officer
in the apocalypse movies
that goes straight to nuking them.
Nuke the aliens.
That'll sort it out.
It's like, all right, no, we can't.
We're obviously not going to do that.
We've got to get a scientist in here
to get involved.
Nuke Mars.
All right.
What?
Jesus, that can't be the only option
is nuking things.
What if we nuked a nuke?
All right.
No, somebody.
Oh, my God.
Get it.
Get it out.
I read an interesting article.
It must have been a couple of months ago now, basically stating that there is nothing that we could do to planet Earth to make it more inhospitable than Mars is.
Oh, right.
than mars is oh right so it's like when people consider that like one day humans might have to leave earth and go live on mars they were like we could do an infinite nuclear winter here on earth
and it would still be more hospitable than mars right now at least it's got like at least we've
got water and oxygen like yeah the basic building blocks of life don't necessarily exist anywhere
else like before we give up here we
should try and keep it going keep the party going a little longer before we just start nuking the
universe desperately trying to find a new home. And here's where earth comes into the picture.
They identify earth as a quiet peaceful planet with just a few animals running around yet with
a ton of gold just waiting to be extracted.
And these gold mining aliens were the very same gods of Sumerian mythology, the Anunnaki.
The problem was, the Anunnaki workers got sick and tired of doing all this gold mining,
and started creating problems. Then one Anunnaki had a bright idea,
what if we don't have to do this shit anymore and we get someone else to do it?
So through genetic engineering, which may just be code for banging our human ancestors,
they mutated Homo erectus into Homo sapiens, an earth animal crossed with godly Anunnaki DNA,
creating an intelligent yet primitive animal that could mine gold for the Anunnaki.
So you're saying that the Anunnaki did not just come here and meet humans.
They made humans.
They f***ed a bunch of monkeys.
That is what Sitchin is saying.
How are they smart enough to get here,
but not smart enough to just enhance the monkeys with science and gold well they had to
bang the monkeys that was the answer i'm just saying they might have banged the official line
is they didn't bang the monkeys but i'm just saying between you and me they're probably buying
the monkeys do you think at the meeting they were like all right so um we've actually developed
technology that uh using the nuclei of a dying star we can beam directly into
the ape's brain and reprogram them to discover gold and then gary the anunnaki is like uh i've
already f***ed like six monkeys and they're out there hunting for gold they're pretty good at
getting fine and gold they're really they're really they like gold uh all right sure fine
we'll just go with plan b then everyone go get a monkey. Seems like Gary's already jumped the gun, so. Because I'm pretty sure humans didn't go straight from monkey to gold digger.
I'm pretty sure there was a big gap in between that.
Well, whenever.
Like I get that gold and bananas are both yellow, but beyond that, there's zero link.
Well, when I say monkeys, I mean Homo erectus or similar human ancestors.
So, you know, they're 99% human.
They're just not Homo sapiens, what we are.
Of course, this becomes the start of the human story.
The Anunnaki gift everything to us.
They create the system of kingship.
They select one guy to be the intermediary
between the Anunnaki and humans to rule over everyone else. And that becomes kings. The
system of kingship across all countries. They gift the technology of agriculture. Just about
everything we mentioned earlier in the show, they're just emptying out their pockets and
giving humanity the lint and loose change. Except their lint is the concept of time, the wheel and beer. The only problem was, as intelligent as the Anunnaki
were, they weren't actually gods. So they couldn't control the weather. The story goes
that a series of natural disasters started to rock the ancient cities of the Anunnaki
here on Earth. And when they found out that a great flood was on its way, the alien overlord said, f**k it, we had a good run, but we gotta go back to Nibiru, Earth
is f**ked. And so they did. All the Anunnaki left Earth overnight.
It's a pretty sad day. You know, you go to visit the Anunnaki gods, and like, the temples
are empty of gold, all their shit's gone and you're like you
go meet them out in the courtyard and they're like throwing bags of gold onto a rocket ship
and they're like you're like my lord what are your teachings for today oh you guys just keep
doing what you're doing i gotta get out of here checks his space clock oh shit 17 things are
looking really good just keep doing what you're doing keep doing
what you're doing here's some more beer drink drink this it's gonna make everything easier
yeah like a whole colony of aliens just recede back into the clouds
there's like a 20 foot wave on the horizon a new gift from our lords
the anunnaki are like you know what they're empty in their pockets they're like
hey take all this earth cash and they're like won't you be needing it nah not where we're going
kid you're gonna need these it's called a snorkel we're getting out of here i told you guys to swim
right what all right bye they bypassed boats and went straight to the wheel in the Apache helicopter.
They all left Earth.
Except for one.
One Anunnaki couldn't leave humanity behind to become extinct.
After all, Homo sapiens were like their bastard children.
They felt bad.
So this Anunnaki chose to warn them by telling just one person before they left.
And that person's name, Rory?
Noah?
I knew it.
That's right.
The great flood that features in just about every single religion's mythology around the planet
wiped almost everything.
All history of the Anunnaki and their involvement with humans.
But the few who knew that it was
coming, like Noah, managed to save mankind. The story goes that this Anunnaki said that they
would return when the time was right, and humanity has been waiting ever since. Wow.
Now I know the listeners at home, their minds are going buck wild they're just connecting the dots here this it's like you know the second coming in christianity this is when the judgment of heaven and earth
happens in an indeterminate time in the future that's when the anunnaki come back to earth
yeah now you might be getting the picture here and you would be right that the anunnaki are not
only the gods of the sumerians and the babylonians but that humanity's memory of the Anunnaki are not only the gods of the Sumerians and the Babylonians,
but that humanity's memory of the Anunnaki is the foundation of every world religion.
This may sound extremely far-fetched, but we only have to look at religious books from
around the world to see clues. For example, littered throughout the Bible there are mentions
of the Nephilim, the children of the sons of God and human women. In the book
of Enoch, they mentioned that there were 200 sons of God who came to earth to have children. And the
Nephilim have always been loosely translated as giants or fallen angels that walked the earth.
Is it possible that these sons of God, these giants that came to earth and
had kids were the Anunnaki? Right. For example, in Numbers chapter 13 verse 33, when talking about
the land of Canaan, they say, all the people that we saw in it are of great size. There we saw the
Nephilim and to ourselves, we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we
seemed to them. So the people literally writing the goddamn bible, they're saying, yeah, in this
land of the Nephilim, everyone, we're grasshoppers compared to these bastards. They're enormous,
yeah. And whether it's Norse mythology, Hindu scripture, ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, or ancient
Greek myths, they all feature giants and
it could be these were all just anunnaki mining company employees listen all i'm gonna say is
one of my personal favorite cases regarding the ancient aliens inside of agartha in the hollow
earth yep they're noted for being very large do you think that's just coincidence guys
do you not think that maybe some of the anunnaki went inside the earth to an ancient civilization
they went everywhere they went up they went down they went in they went hard of course anywhere to
get away from the water there's a lot of overlap here you know there's there's no none of these
aliens are like hobbit size yeah they're gonna're going to be giants. They're going to be enormous.
Not only this, but in chapter one of the Old Testament's book of Ezekiel,
Ezekiel sees, quote, an immense cloud of fire.
And at the center of the fire was glowing metal.
And inside that, there were four living creatures.
They sped back and forth like flashes of lightning.
creatures. They sped back and forth like flashes of lightning. The passage goes on to describe four shiny objects, each appearing like a wheel intersecting a wheel. These objects could fly,
and they moved with the creatures. It said, when the living creatures moved, the wheels beside them
moved, and when the living creatures rose from the ground, the wheels also rode. Could this be evidence in the Bible
describing UFO technology?
I mean, I don't know what else it could be, possibly.
I don't know why angels would need wheels
and glowing metal.
It sounds like this dude really shoehorned in
his story into the Bible.
Like when they were putting it together,
it was like, all right,
I think we should use this passage
to definitely hone in on God's grace. and just a lot of forgiveness yeah just to
reiterate that you know he is powerful and all-knowing but that he is forgiving and he is
just yeah and then i'll uh i'll throw in a couple paragraphs here about that that weird thing i saw
on tuesday say well okay sure maybe keep that brief though and maybe if we could work that into
a power loop it in somehow yeah if we could work that into a powerful loop it in
somehow yeah if we could say link it back to his love yeah yeah sure like the the thing was weird
and mighty like god's fist of justice well we we've already had a lot of chapters on the fist
and justice and the holy retribution so if we could just get a little bit more love and grace
in there of course yeah the creatures were gray like the beard of the lord no that might be
a little distracting because we've said they're white and shining uh so that uh i'll just mention
briefly that the um the pearly gates uh shine like rust in comparison to the the futuristic glow of
our metal lord why don't you get a coffee break how about that how about you go get a coffee and
come back and we'll finish this chapter okay Okay. Okay. Sure. The door locks behind him.
Hey.
Hey.
Let me in there.
Write.
Write.
Write it all now.
Write it and preach it.
Write it and preach it.
But I hear you, Rory.
I hear you listeners.
We're getting way bogged down on the evidence for aliens here on Earth.
When in theory, if all this is true, all the evidence we need is on Nibiru right now.
Supposedly a giant planet just floating around in our solar system.
I mean, that's arguably harder to get a hold of though.
We've already got the tablets.
Yeah, I know.
Like, let's not diss evidence here on Earth a little too hard
because I feel like that's going to be easier to come by.
If Nibiru does exist, if so, why haven't we seen it already? Well, for one,
Nibiru supposedly has an orbit of 3,600 years at least, but surely modern astronomers should
still know about it somehow. I mean, you said they filled the atmosphere with gold dust,
so you'd like to hope that it's pretty viewable. It's like a f***ing disco ball up there.
In the words of Gucci Mane, Nibiru sunk the Titanic.
This is some premium ice.
It's like you hear in the news,
where they'd be like,
an asteroid is going to pass by Earth
that has like 25 quadrillion dollars worth of crystals embedded in it.
And it's like an incomprehensible amount of money.
But N nibiru
is basically 95 solid gold and the size of 40 million suns all right that's where the money is
that's why they can afford to just throw spaceships down at peasants they're like we're made of gold
our atmosphere is gold this is what i'm saying The Anunnaki that came to Earth, we thought they were gods.
To the Anunnaki, they were the f***ing CEX employees.
They were like the freelance contracted workers.
We're drinking their piss.
Which is Cristal, by the way.
It's champagne to us.
Well, as it happens, scientists have been looking for something similar to Nibiru for a long time.
Planet X.
Called Planet X because if real, it would be the 10th discovered planet in our solar system.
In fact, Planet X and Nibiru are so similar on paper that for fans of this paranormal theory, they are basically the same thing.
And the clues have been there for a long time.
For example, in 1846, scientists knew that by looking at Uranus's orbit, something wasn't right.
The numbers didn't add up. Something was throwing the orbit off a little. At first, they thought the
problem was solved later that year when Neptune was discovered. And it was, mostly, but there were still orbital discrepancies to be
accounted for. Again, in 1930, they discover Pluto, but once more, it's too small, and the
picture is still incomplete. At this point, the hunt for Planet X is in full swing, but as recently
as 2014, after a huge and comprehensive sky survey by the Infrared Survey Explorer satellite,
huge and comprehensive sky survey by the Infrared Survey Explorer satellite, things were not looking good. They couldn't find any evidence of any undiscovered large planets out there.
That is, until 2016. Caltech professors Michael E. Brown and Konstantin Batygin published
a paper with evidence for something very big and very far away. We are pretty sure there is one out there,
Brown said in the New York Times in January 2016.
They found six small objects orbiting the sun
in very long, weirdly shaped orbits.
Yet, all six orbits were tilted by the exact same angle.
Space is crazy.
There is only one explanation for this, a large object nearby that is weighing down all of their orbits. They calculate that this
thing would have to be 10-15 times the size of Earth and on an orbit of our sun that takes
around 10,000 years to complete. And. And crucially, there's only a
1 in 15,000 chance that they're wrong. This is particularly believable too because Dr. Braun
is actually the guy who in 2005 discovered Eris, a Pluto-sized object in the Kuiper Belt that got
Pluto demoted from planet to dwarf planet. So ironically,
the man that killed Planet 9 might be the same man who discovers Planet 10. It's even
thought that the great flood that caused the Anunnaki to leave Earth all those years ago
may have been caused by Nibiru entering the solar system and causing chaos. Which makes
sense if shit was kicking off on Earth and Nibiru happened to be passing the Sun at that moment, it was at its closest
point in thousands of years. So they were like, it's time to jump ship, let's get
out of here. Right, right. And today, aside from this whole story, there is evidence
to suggest that cataclysmic flooding happened around 13,000 years ago. Is it possible Nibiru is on the way back today?
How do they not know if there's a planet there?
Like I get that the universe is pretty big and our galaxy is pretty big but I'm pretty
sure we've got a decent map of it so far.
Right?
Am I wrong in assuming that?
Yeah, that's a really good point i mean like they say in 2014
they get this sky survey satellite that has a huge field of view yeah to do a massive survey
of the sky and they don't come back with anything but i seem to remember reading about that story
one of the scientists said the caveat was that they could only see once you get to a certain
distance you could only see
objects of a certain size that's just science that's certain that's just that's just yeah
that's life if if something's really far away it's got to be pretty big for you to see it
you ever watch a bumblebee fly away it's not long before that thing is gone all right but when it's
up in your face it's like a bird. It's a problem. It's enormous.
All right.
But even a planet, once that thing gets far away from you, it's like a bee.
Everything's relative.
It is.
So at a certain astronomical distance, they can only see objects 15 times the size of Earth, which is not very big still.
It's still like nowhere near the size of Jupiter and Saturn.
They would not see Nibiru, which is apparently around 10 times the size of earth okay so things slip through the radar for sure
it's like if people at home have ever seen um that super famous deep field telescope image of space
taken by the hubble telescope that's a beautiful picture it's an amazing picture and you see
countless galaxies going on to infinity apparently that size of image is the equivalent of holding up like a 5P piece at arm's length into the sky.
That's like what's in that section of sky.
There is just trillions of galaxies more than that out there.
Yeah, to throw another analogy out there there it is like holding a bee in
your hands right and looking up at the night sky i think our followers our listeners really
understand bees a lot better than even money they're easy to understand bees flowers honey
hives it's just simple it's easy to grasp so the universe is a hive filled with bees galaxy bees and I'm the queen
which means I'm fat as hell
and I can't fly
I need y'all little bastards to do the work for me
while I drink honey
I don't know how bees work
people are like you know you should have a basic understanding
of bees if you're going to use them
in every analogy in an episode
can't wait for our first angry beekeeper email
it's coming
and you know,
some even think that the powers that be already know about Nibiru or Planet X or are somehow
covering it up. I personally don't know if I believe that, but it is definitely good to know
some out there do believe. And this last piece of evidence, Roryory is the moment the mask slipped.
The moment a public official had the balls to come clean about Nibiru live on air.
This is the Iraqi Transport Minister on the news talking about a new airport when he goes
on a mad tangent on Planet X.
Perhaps many of the people of the Dikar government do not know that the first airport to be built on planet earth 5000 years ago, before the Christian era, was built here in Dikar.
If you do not believe me, read the book of the great historian Zachariah Sitchin, who was an expert on Sumerian studies.
Read the books of Samuel Cramer, or the book written by H.G. Wells
about this. He talked about the first airport built on the planet, which was in this place.
This is the safest place for airplanes to land and take off, because some meteorological
factors that limit an airplane's maneuvering ability do not exist in the Dikar airport.
Not only above the airport, the skies all over Dikar are safe for planes.
Because there are no negative meteorological influences here, the atmosphere throughout Dikar is positive.
When the Sumerians settled here oh boy they knew full well that the
atmosphere here was suitable for flying to outer space that's not even what
this airport's for it was from here that the Sumerian spaceships took off towards
the other planet the Sumerians were the first to discover the 12th planet which was acknowledged a few days ago by
nasa and named nibiru a lot of awkward people in the background which completes its orbit around
the sun every 3600 years a lot of a lot of scary glances here oh my god what even is that that's a
great video actually if you haven't seen i gotta clap that one out i gotta clap out the iraqi
government for saying the shit that the British government is too afraid to say.
Yeah.
You know, because they have a rich hit.
Like, that's the part of the world where the Sumerians came from.
You just know that that guy who was given the speech has already been removed from several positions for leaking government information.
Unbelievable.
And they were like, all right, this guy literally cannot shut up. Let's just send him out into the middle of bumfuck nowhere and get him to just announce an airport
opening. And he's like, okay, fine. And he's like, all right, so it's a pretty good place to open an
airport. You know, seeing as that's where all the fucking spaceships land. Oh God, no. He's doing it
again. They're like ripping out all the wires in the back trying to get his mic cut off he's going
live on periscope i like that he's like this is the perfect place for an airport because um
spaceships can launch to other planets does he know what an airport is used for that's no airport
is used to visit other planets it's unbelievably irrelevant it's so bizarre it's like you he wanted to give a press conference
about the anunnaki he shoehorned in the airport stuff it was mostly about ancient aliens i mean
big respect to his co-workers because they gave some sideways glances but they mostly kept it
cool all the way throughout they were on his side for sure so rory i've presented you with
a truckload of information truck truckload of evidence today.
What are you thinking?
Where are we coming down today on whether ancient aliens visited Earth 6,000 years ago
and gifted technology?
I am overwhelmed.
This is a huge case.
This is like me coming over to your place for dinner, you serving up 30 meals in front of me we say grace
for an hour and a half and now it's time to eat and i don't know where to start uh
all right let's start with the slabs okay okay that's fair there are only piece of physical
evidence they are the primary evidence that someone could go see in a museum today.
Exactly.
You know, they're pretty promising.
They do vary in detail, but some of the later slabs specifically are, you know, pretty encouraging.
When we see carvings of vehicles that obviously look like they are not from the time where these slabs were from.
I mean, we're looking at helicopters, we're looking at spaceships.
We see consistencies in the stories regarding giants here on Earth,
giants with magical powers and strange technology.
Unfortunately, that is really the only physical evidence we have,
which is frustrating because a lot of the gifts that were allegedly given to the Sumerians are physical.
Granted, they did give them the wheel, architecture, time, some things that are a little easier to get a hold on.
But, you know, if they did get given these spaceships as gifts, I mean, where are the remnants of this?
Why was this not more prominent in history?
Why did they stop using spaceships the second that the aliens left?
I think the idea is that the spaceships in there, in those tablets, that's just how the Anunnaki got around.
That was things that the humans witnessed and even they thought was remarkable.
But it wasn't the day-to-day.
You know, they didn't gift a fleet of star crafts
to the human peasants and say just like,
hey, go for a joy ride.
It was more a case of they came to Earth,
they lived on Earth,
they gifted the technology
just that the humans needed to survive
and create wealth for the Anunnaki.
And then they left one day.
I don't know how much the starships and laser blasters were actually a part of Sumerian life.
See, this is the problem with the Sumerians.
They didn't have a Galactic 12.
All right.
And the Galactic 12, when they're at home, they kind of work along the same lines uh when like a big company has a client coming to
town you know when the aliens come to visit earth the galactic 12 will be like let it let us take
you out we'll go see a broadway show we'll go to a club you know we'll get bottle service we're the
galactic 12 for christ's sake we'll show you a good time of course you give us some technology
in return and then you guys go on your way with some gold they didn't have that so they came down and the the aliens
are giving them just alien dust and people are like thank you my lord thank you we will give
you all of our gold for it because there's no bartering you know there isn't um which is
difficult obviously the next big bits of evidence that we have is obviously
that nibiru exists as a planet um we shouldn't underestimate this piece of evidence because
what we have is some amount of evidence to suggest that the sumerians knew about more planets than
anyone else on earth did for the next 6 000 years okay and not only that they seem to have some knowledge of an extra
planet which we don't even know about yeah but there is circumstantial evidence for in the year
of luigi 2020 and i'm not gonna lie i think that is the real piece of evidence that i that i'm
looking for here is you know even a even a black and white scratchy photocopy of a space map where i can see the faintest speck
of a planet hiding by the sun that's i think the evidence that would really kind of like
pull me in a little bit further i showed you the star map it had the sun surrounded by the
the 11 objects i think star map is a pretty big leap from what that thing was, which is a couple dots carved in a slab.
I will concede that all of the quote-unquote star maps that the Sumerians had, they were all like systems of dots.
Yeah.
Like there are other slabs I didn't show you which show, you know, what looks a little bit like a sun and then a series of dots. If you were lost in space
and the only thing you have to help you navigate
is a Sumerian star map,
you're f***ed.
It's not to scale.
It's not even, there's no north or south.
No.
Which I guess is irrelevant in space.
But you're not going to find your way home.
No.
There's no way.
It wasn't that advanced.
No.
I don't know, Kit.
You were the one that watched the Amazon Prime show where where are your thoughts on this this one is difficult
because i can't pretend that all sumerian researchers or even a majority of sumerian
researchers believe in this theory that the ufos and aliens of the ancient past had anything to do with sumerians sitchin is considered a very
controversial historian and and researcher uh so there's an inherent danger in basing all of our
research on his works right uh despite how influential he's been however i do think it is
uncanny that people like sitchin and some of his his contemporaries have seemingly been more and more vindicated over time.
And Nibiru is the ultimate example of that.
The fact that someone back in the 70s and 80s was writing several books about this 10th planet, this planet X, this Nibiru, that's just outside
of the solar system, that occasionally every few thousand years comes close to our planet,
and let's face it, has probably some effect on Earth. The fact that all these years later,
decades after he originally wrote the books, has been vindicated in NASA. And the scientists that killed Pluto, for Christ's sake,
are saying there's a 1 in 15,000 chance
this planet doesn't exist.
This thing's pretty goddamn certain.
Yeah, the math is there for sure.
They're saying that there is a planet.
We have a good idea of what it would look like.
It's a lot bigger than Earth, just as described,
and it comes through this
solar system once every 10 000 years right which means that it's come through our solar system at
least 20 times through the course of human history but we what haven't had the technology to view it
yeah we've only had the technology to view it for like a hundred years not two hundred thousand years that humans have been here that's
a good point so at the risk of putting my ass on the line if the question today is less so did
ancient aliens specifically gift the wheel i don't know but if the question is did aliens come
into contact with earth in recent human history?
It's going to be a yes for me today.
Wow.
Wow, bold claims.
Well, you know, if that is the question that we're asking today,
did aliens come in contact with humans in recent years,
then I guess it's a double yes this week, boys.
Now, while I am not sure if the evidence presented today was a product of that communication with
humans i think we can all agree that history is weird and space is even weirder all right
that's a double yes for sure it's a double yes folks listen we we don't know how much of the
story of nibiru is true yeah but the story of Nibiru is true.
Yeah.
But we pretty much know Nibiru is real.
We know aliens have been to Earth.
So what more do you want?
Of course.
And I know this is confusing for a lot of you.
So let me simplify it.
All right.
The Earth is a beehive.
Right.
We can't stress this enough.
And we're the bees.
And one day a wasp comes down and says, give me all your honey.
All right.
Are you getting it now?
Of course you are, because we're explaining it in the bee metaphors.
Guys, you must have your own thoughts on this case.
It's just too goddamn big.
Send them on into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com.
Thank you so much to Barry Norton for sending that one into us.
I hope that we are helping to keep you guys entertained through quarantine life
yes
this quarantine life
if you cannot get enough of this paranormal life podcast
remember that there is a treasure trove of bonus episodes
over on patreon
that's patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life
if you need more entertainment that's the place to find it
it is
yeah I want to elaborate as well on last week's comments
about starting our own secret
society yeah i've decided our secret society is going to be called the galactic 12 wow all right
i think we should do a tier on patreon that only allows 10 members to join and then you and i
making up 12 and then they will be the elitist of the elite to join us in our
london penthouse suite slash apocalypse bunker i gotta say i completely agree yeah you give us a
thousand pounds a month we'll swing you a cool letterman jacket face value of about 80 pounds
and then um you get free entry as well shouldn't have said the 80 pounds i shouldn't have mentioned
the quality of the jacket and we've been recording for an age here.
So we're just going to go straight into
shouting out some of the people
who've supported us on Patreon.
Thank you so much to Laura Cole.
When you're on Santa's naughty list,
instead of presents,
you get a big bag of Laura Cole.
What?
It's just, he just dumps her in your living room
and she's there all of Christmas day,
kind of nagging you, annoying you.
It really ruins the mood of Christmas and then she's gone.
So, so be nice kids or Laura's coming.
Thank you also to Aaron Jones.
Aaron Jones has no bones.
Whoa.
She's a jelly.
You're going to need bones.
Yeah.
Well, usually, I don't know.
She seems to be doing pretty all right with herself.
Pretty good at limbo competitions. I'll give her that much. Yeah. Yeah. Well, usually. I don't know. She seems to be doing pretty all right with herself. I guess so.
Pretty good at limbo competitions.
I'll give her that much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will give her that.
Not great at high jump.
No, you need bones for that.
You need bones for the high jump.
You know, you got to know what you can do in this life.
Exactly.
You can't go try it all.
Thank you to Jamie Wilson.
Jamie Wilson is an ill son. He's not well he's not well oh no
but he's also ill in the kind of lil wayne kind of oh uh i'm not sick i'm ill kind of way but he's
also very sick right he's a hip-hop fanatic who's uh very very sad. Under the weather. Jamie, loved your last mixtape.
You have impeccable taste in rap music.
But I'm also sorry to hear about you being under the weather.
So get well soon.
Thank you also to Wilho.
Wilho sleeps with a Zippo under their pillow.
That sounds really dangerous.
Extremely. Why? I i mean put it on your
bedside table they also soak the pillow in kerosene no why why they like fire not while
they're sleeping surely that's super dangerous no no no exactly and it would it would terribly
injure them so i don't know why they do but they you know if you're a fire starter like that you're
gonna like the smell of kerosene it's gonna help you get to sleep maybe i mean i sleep at that
petrol bomb but that's for different reasons all possible reasons i get lonely i gotta move on here
willow don't listen to rory do something a little safer with your life thank you also to Daniel Alan Lang. Daniel the Spaniel is a borderline collie.
Daniel couldn't be any more of a dog if he tried.
Oh, okay.
And that's not just because he's a booze hound.
So, wait, is he a dog or is he just a booze hound?
He's 50% dog and 50% pooch.
So 100% dog.
An all boy. All right, okay. It sounds 100% dog. And all boy.
All right.
Okay.
It sounds like this dog has a drinking problem.
Definitely shouldn't be listening to a podcast.
Definitely shouldn't be giving us their money, but we'll take it anyway.
Thank you to Alana Darcio Looney.
That's right.
Alana Darcio Clooney.
This is the suavest mother effer that ever walked the fit after Clooney, of course.
Right.
But a lot of that panache.
Are they related in any way?
Absolutely not.
No, they just modeled their entire life on the Cloonmeister.
That's pretty cool.
You know, just in the fabulously tailored suits.
They're sipping the espresso.
They're carrying out heists.
I mean, that bit's actually
illegal because cluny did that that that wasn't real that was for camera yeah that's true that's
like when i try to change my name to rory pooney uh doesn't quite have the same style or flash to
it yeah and they didn't actually let you because it was so obscene it was really really horrible
yeah thank you to melanie roberts felony melanie
you need to understand that robbing hurts people all right oh but it turns out you're actually
you're giving us that money which is pretty well that changes things that does change things it
does in the court of the paranormal uh that means you're free to go you're free to gank uh so maybe
up those numbers actually now, now that I see.
That would really help us out.
Thank you to Hugh Ivers.
That's right.
Come on down to Hugh Ivers Huge Drivers.
If you need a giant driver for any special occasion, come on down.
Talk to Hugh.
He can cut you a deal with the tallest bastard you've ever seen.
Oh, okay.
So I thought it was more of like a golf club sort of thing,
whereas really large clubs.
No, no, no.
This is ex-NBA players driving monster trucks to black tie events.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Imagine rocking up with the NBA's top players in an Uber pool.
I love it.
That's high class. Thank you to David Ryan. with the NBA's top players in an uber pool. I love it.
That's high class.
Thank you to David Ryan.
David Ryan?
This son of a bitch has two first names.
There's his full name.
Very suspicious. It's a little suspicious to me.
Very, very.
You know?
David or Ryan, whoever I'm talking to,
I would suggest getting yourself an ender,
an endo in there, all right?
Because you're raising a lot of flags. You're getting people a little
suspicious. People are going to look into you a little bit.
Maybe just throw in a last name like
Dave. Yeah.
Dave or like Rich.
Or something like that, you know? Mike.
No one's going to confuse. Call yourself Dave Mike
Rich, alright? Wait, what
was his name to begin with?
Bigfoot? Thank you too.
Victoria.
Well if it isn't Victoria the Victorious.
This lady just wins at borderline everything.
All she does is win.
But do you know what the secret sauce is to winning?
Someone else has to always lose.
That's right, that's her husband.
Lusoria. This son of a bitch couldn't win a game of tic-tac-toe
if he was playing against a bee.
I had to throw the bee in there so that people would understand the analogy.
Of course, it can be confusing.
Thank you to Fraser Torrey.
Fraser Torrey actually has a pretty good laser story.
If you ever get him in a bar, ask him about his laser story.
Wow.
It's pretty good.
Is it short enough that we can tell it here on the podcast?
Let me think.
He told it to me.
He told it to me the last time we were in Vietnam.
In Vietnam?
Yeah.
Not serving.
We were on holiday.
Jesus.
Sure.
Yeah.
There's probably enough time to to tell the whole
story so he was um he was at the science class he studied uh biology i think it was uh microbiology
out of time thank you so much frazier oh sorry okay it was good it builds to a really good point
but i have to obviously hone in a lot of the more specific details okay well if you if you're gonna
give us a spark note so i guess okay so it was like it was a leap year at the time um which is really gonna uh be an important factor because obviously you're gonna
do the spark notes this sounds again i just have to get into the specifics of the story otherwise
you're not gonna get the punchline you go like 10 seconds 10 okay i'm gonna count down with your
fingers all right what are you counting down now yeah you're not even counting you're not gonna
tell me when you're gonna start i'll start not all right all right okay 10 now okay so uh in microbiology obviously it's a study of the physics
and how it makes up the world so one day they got in a whole box of experimental frogs they were
gonna cut with the scalpels but they thought hey that's gonna break down the biological laws and
we shouldn't do that because it's pretty inhumane because the frogs are still alive of course so
they can examine the organs of the frogs so they brought a laser for the science first oh you gotta
chill out man you gotta slow down i'm getting really you're doing pretty well
I'll give you three more seconds
on the clock
just give me a second
to catch my breath here
cause
alright
you're gonna wanna hear the late
alright well don't
don't bust a gut
you're gonna wanna hear
the laser story
alright
alright
alright
three seconds on the clock
okay
alright
ready
yeah
and go
so obviously they didn't want to use the scalpels because the frogs were still alive so we could
summon the organs.
So we ordered a bunch of lasers online from the internet.
Oh, come on, man.
We're almost there, though.
We're almost there.
We're right at the lasers.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Two seconds on the clock.
Two seconds on the clock.
Okay.
Here we go.
Okay.
Ready?
And go.
So the back of the lasers, they only had the flathead screwdriver so it wouldn't get the
back open.
Of course, these were lasers imported from Vietnam.
So because... Are you kidding me? We've done two seconds these were lasers imported from vietnam so because are you kidding me we're doing two seconds
of course you're from vietnam are you kidding me you spent two seconds talking about getting the
back of the laser off of the screwdriver that's an important part of the story also the lasers
are from vietnam but we were in utah when this happened you told me no i said that's true the
story you got me there all right jesus You're going to want to hear the,
just fine.
I think next episode,
to be honest,
hear the rest of the story.
It sounds great though.
All right.
Can I just say,
say the punchline at least?
He's,
we're really pushed,
but like,
he,
at the end,
he turned to me and said,
laser.
I barely know her.
I got to clap that one.
It was worth the wait.
It was good.
It was worth the wait.
No one's listening anymore Everyone tuned out
Oh god
Fraser's gotta be happy
With that
Come on
It was a good story
Fraser
You gotta be happy
With that
It really was
Thank you lastly
But not leastly today
To Tressa
Tressa
I barely know her
It's not really a story Tressa told us but uh it's just something she's it's
like a catchphrase it's equally good she actually does have a really good story about a dresser
like a dresser full of clothes if we have time i mean we're really she told me it in vietnam
oh i know a lot of i know a lot of these people from vietnam you've never talked about vietnam
once up to today i never talked about Vietnam once up to today
I never talked about lasers either
but here we are
well you have with Fraser
alright if you give me 30 seconds tops
I'm gonna get through this man
tops jeez you're killing me here bud
listen bud I'd love to but I think we really gotta wrap up
so anyway thank you so much
thank you so much
so thank you to everyone for listening today.
We were just at a fashion shop one time.
You're just going to talk over me?
That's unbelievable.
It's fine.
We were just at a fashion shop one time, and I was talking about her.
Thank you for everyone to tune in today.
Such an exciting episode.
Let us know what you think of this one.
Send it on into this Paranormal Life podcast at gmail.com.
Let us know what you think over on Twitter, twitter.com forward slash this paranormal life.
But they said they
never found the killer.
So obviously this thing
is on a discount.
Thank you so much to
Barry Norman for sending
it on once again.
Why not, Dressa?
Let's get a Dressa.
It was worth it,
actually.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks for that.
Yeah.
I didn't realize I was
going to get it.
I didn't mean,
if I had known,
whatever you said,
30 seconds,
I didn't really believe you.
Thank you so much.
Oh, that wasn't the
whole story.
Jesus Christ. If you want the whole thing. I don't. That takes me back to 1989 really believe you. Thank you so much. Oh, that wasn't the whole story. Jesus Christ.
I don't.
That takes me back to 1989, all right?
Thank you, everyone.
We'll see you next week.
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For a brand new paranormal tale.
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sorry I'm done