This Paranormal Life - #169 The 300 Year Old Wizard Curse of Giles Corey
Episode Date: June 22, 2020Salem Massachusetts is known for one thing - witch trials. But less people know that the town itself was cursed by a wizard 300 years ago, causing calamity and misfortune to this day. Thankfully, the ...Sheriff of Salem is on the case... and Kit and Rory.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Why didn't witches simply fly away from their trials?
What would happen if I drank nuclear waste?
Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life!
Yo! Welcome back to This Paranormal Life.
It is the weekly comedy podcast where every Tuesday we investigate a brand new paranormal tale
and get to the bottom
of whether it's truly paranormal or not as always you're joined by illustrious paranormal
investigators myself mr kit greer mulvena this guy mr roy pars howdy howdy i'm doing great uh we're
kind of in our new studio space with our new mic stands that we got and i am dangerously comfortable right because before
your eyelids are half closed already i'm like leaning back on a sofa i got a nice glass of
cold water you didn't need to wear pajamas though that's that is unprofessional it helps i will say
this is as we were saying earlier this isn't the way anyone should do a paranormal podcast because
if you're doing a paranormal podcast you should be
on edge you should feel like at any second the fbi are gonna kick down the door you should be
sweating bullets are you sure yeah i think i think most people think when they think of podcasts they
think of like a nice npr voice no i'm very relaxing kind of you could go to sleep to it kind of voice
i should be in a medieval torture device
really i should have a cage of rats on my head i should have a mace that were the case i should
have a mace up my ass so i can't even sit right was that a torture well it's not gonna feel good
is it a mace up my ass yeah but did you just invent it or did anyone has anyone done that
i don't know they did
a lot of weird stuff i hope to god you haven't just invented that i digress this is this paranormal
life we have a brand new investigation to get to the bottom of this story comes courtesy of a
listener vicky thank you vicky who sent this one into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com
our story today brings us to Massachusetts in 1692,
over 300 years ago,
where one Giles Corey and his wife Martha
are riding into the village on horse and cart
from their farmland.
It's a bitterly cold Massachusetts February
and other people are huddling together
as they all bundle into the village courtroom.
The Salem village courtroom, that is.
Oh boy, here we go.
Giles and Martha have been summoned as observers to a pre-trial examination. For the first time
in 1692 in Salem, young girls were being accused of witchcraft and were being tried for their
supposed crimes. Except Martha faced a moral predicament.
She was smart, where others were not, let's say.
She may have been smarter than everyone else in that time because she could see that the charges
against these 15-year-old girls were bogus.
There was no way they were witches
and they were probably just being pressured
into giving false testimonies.
But this was the problem back then is if you were a little too smart for your own good,
that means you got that smart via spells.
And if you were a little too dumb, it means that a wisdom spell went wrong and actually
nuked your brain.
It's...
Either way, you were a witch is what I'm trying to...
It's messed up how to the point of this story you are, just how prescient that statement is.
It's disturbing to me that you think like a 1692 village person.
That's not how I think.
That's how I know they think.
The problem was, as Rory says, she was also smart enough to know that claiming the girls were totally innocent would just turn the suspicion in her family's direction.
She was also extra conscious of this
because people in town were already suspicious of the Corey family.
For one, they knew Martha had a questionable sexual past
in the eyes of the puritanical Christians,
which probably means you've, like, Frenched one person. You had a naked ankle
last December. You are a snake devil from the fallen garden of Eden. You need to die in a fire.
But also, and this may be even more important, Giles was known to have beaten a man to death
many years previously. You see, Giles had more than a questionable past. He was a straight-up felon.
Born in Northampton, England in 1611, almost nothing is known about his life until around 1640
when he appears as a farmer in Salem, Massachusetts. That's dangerous. A man who just appears as a
farmer has done some bad stuff in the past. That's right. So Giles appeared in 1640 in Salem, Massachusetts.
But in 1675, after discovering his farmhand, Jacob Goodale, had stolen some apples.
Well, Jacob was found dead by the local authorities.
Come in.
Oh, hello, Giles, is it?
Yep.
I'm on the clock here, chief. Sorry, are you busy? Is now a is it? Yep, I'm on the clock here, Chief.
Sorry, are you busy? Is now a good time?
Yeah, I'm busy.
I'm a f***ing farmer.
I work sunrise, sunset.
What's this about?
We've heard that there's been a commotion here,
and we'd like to just take a look around the place.
Of course, help yourselves.
You don't mind if I farm, do you, while you look?
I mean, geez, it's after sunset,
but if you need to farm, that's fine fine. That's alright. Just taking it. Oh
Oh, oh
My god
Giles who whose body is this on the ground? Oh?
Oh, that is um where to begin with that one that is Jacob
Jacob is his name. That's his first name. Is he dead he is
not Jacob? Jacob is his name. That's his first name. Is he dead? He is not living anymore, currently.
Yeah, dead.
Oh.
When did this happen, Giles?
The details are a little hazy.
I think we need to bring you into town. Is there a problem here?
Yes.
I don't understand.
There's a dead man, actually, in your house, Giles.
I didn't kill him, if that's what you're thinking.
It looks like you did, though.
Absolutely not.
Well, I think I can see a murder weapon in the corner, to be honest.
That's a farming tool.
Right, it has blood on it, though.
It's a gun.
I use it to keep the plants in line.
I did not murder the man.
At least explain to us what has happened here.
If you did not murder him, what happened?
Look, it was a
long day on the harvest as i mentioned when you entered my house i worked from sunrise to sunset
yeah but you've said that three times already the city never sleeps and the country is no different
she is a restless if you don't get to the point g Giles, we're going to have to take you down time. We were putting up some new fences and my buddy, my best goddamn pal, who I'm frankly
torn up about now that we actually talk about it, slipped and broke his arm.
He's now dead.
So how did he get from slipping, breaking his arm, to dead on your floor?
When a horse breaks its leg, a farmer must decide when it is time to put the beast down.
You did kill him.
No, I put him to rest.
You, Giles, used your farming tool, which is a sledgehammer.
I don't know how that would be used on a farm.
You used the hammer to lay him to rest.
Put him to sleep.
Yeah.
It was a mercy blow.
Okay.
You are coming to jail.
That's fair.
Needless to say, the authorities convicted Giles for the murder of jacob but he avoided jail time
instead somehow only having to pay a fine to some even this avoidance of punishment was suspicious
and this wasn't even his first offense he had already been caught stealing at least twice
yeah it's also weird for a farmer to crime because if a farmer commits a crime it
should be a farming related crime right you know you stole another farmer's cows yeah you stole a
chicken maybe you went over your milk limit for a day i don't really know a lot about what what
it takes to farm so it's weird for a farmer, instead of like harvesting too much,
he just murders a man.
I'd love to see Giles in the dark.
He's like, what was I to do?
I had gone over my milk limit.
You think my chickens can compete
with Tommy's chickens in the next field?
You're out of your mind.
Yeah, so this is intense.
I'm starting to think he likes crime more than farming.
So as Giles sat in that courtroom with Martha, all eyes on them.
She thought twice about protesting too much. At home that evening,
Martha thought of a clever way to keep her husband away from the trials and the trouble brewing there.
She hid his riding saddle. That way, he would never be able to make
the long trek into the village. You know, he's leaving the house with 30 minutes to go. Uh-oh,
can't find his riding saddle. He's not going to walk it the several miles, so he just misses the
trial. But this plan completely backfired. The people of Salem thought that this was even more
suspicious and that maybe even Martha had some kind of power
of control over her husband. Yeah. You know, people are already looking at them funny in the courtroom.
What do you know? Next day, Giles is nowhere to be seen. It was a little too neat. Take it from a guy
who's tried to miss his own trials. It doesn't work, folks. They're going to think it's suspicious.
own trials. It doesn't work folks. They're gonna think it's suspicious. The last time I was court ordered to go to trial, the night before I tried slashing my own car tires to avoid the appointment.
You tried so you didn't succeed? I burst one tire, the knife shot into my own neck. I awoke 12 hours
later. The trial was over. They had put my unconscious body in the box
apparently the thing only took two minutes because they had cctv cameras stealing the monitors
because you said some pretty incriminating shit under anesthetic i didn't know that was legal i
didn't know that was admissible evidence what that the That the CCTV footage, of course, that's admissible evidence.
That I said shit when I was sleepy, when I was under the needle.
I guess my subconscious or whatever felt guilty because as soon as they frigging put the needle in me, I was like, oh, I did it all.
Oh, I did it all.
They were like, we're just taking a blood sample to make sure you're okay.
I was swabbing your wrist to clean it i confess
stop this medieval torture is there a mace up my ass is there honestly a mace up my ass somebody
tell me have you ever seen a video of someone hacking open a car tire uh no it's terrifying
we basically what you described is what happens it's so insanely
pressurized the person is thrown backwards like they've just received a roundhouse kick from
jackie chan like 20 feet yeah i won't go into details um because i don't want to incriminate
any of our friends but i'm pretty sure we know people who have slashed a tire before and i
remember here yeah it was the exact hey don't throw me into this we know people who have slashed a tire before. And I remember here, yeah, it was the exact.
Hey, don't throw me into this.
We know people.
I don't know these people.
Don't throw me under the bus because those tires are slashed
and that bus will not move.
Yeah, we know people.
I did it.
You know me.
I did it.
So you know me.
Yeah, they described a similar experience where it's like,
I think in the cartoons, you think you're going to hit it with a knife and it's going to be like, you know, like a balloon.
And you'll have time to do a little laugh as you skulk away.
That thing friggin explodes.
I'm pretty sure their ears were ringing afterwards.
Wow.
Yeah, it was intense.
Jesus.
You know too much.
I know.
You're the witch so suspicions
were already circulating in salem but things really kicked off when some of the young girls
in the village even started copying martha's movements mimicking her like dark link from
zelda it was clear to everyone present that that Martha was using witchcraft to control them.
She was arrested on March 21st, 1692. Her husband is a murderer. She hasn't even done anything.
I mean, I don't know what the logic is of the girls copying her. It got Martha on the dock.
Okay. And with Martha on the dock, in an unbelievable twist, Giles was such an idiot piece of shit
that he testified against his own wife.
What?
Saying that she was absolutely a witch and that she killed their cat by praying into
their fireplace and then the cat died.
He had obviously found his riding saddle that she hid and then rode into town to tell everyone this what a piece of shit
But he should have stayed put because less than a month later a 14 year old girl named Abigail Hobbs
Who was on trial for witchcraft? That's right. You guessed it accused Giles of being a wizard
And he basically got thrown into the slammer with his wife who he testified against both awaiting trial
that's when that's an awkward jail cell isn't it it is after a couple months later just being
thrown in there in your wizard robes oh hey baby i think i was under some sort of enchanted potion
when i testified against you i don't even remember shut. Shut up, Giles. Fair. That is fair.
I do really like the idea of initially Giles and his wife,
you know, at home cooking dinner.
And all of a sudden the front door gets kicked down like,
Freeze! Salem police!
And Giles, who has 30 plus years of crime behind him,
is like, oh, f***.
You know, he's put his hands behind his back.
He's going down on his knees like,
all right
you got me you got me and they just run over and just punch his wife in the head and drag her out
of there it's like we got her you're safe now sir it's like insane straight past the criminal and
just arresting an innocent woman he tearfully salutes the police he's like i've been waiting
my whole life for someone to do that to take that witch away she made me do it you know the murders the what the
nothing i think it says a lot about the climate of uh crime and accusation in salem at that time
because we don't know as observers as researchers here i still don't know what the f*** Giles did up to this point.
Yeah.
But the accusations were coming in thick and fast.
We actually have one written testimony which went as follows.
I saw the apparition of Giles Corey come and afflict me, urging me to write in his book.
And so he continued most dreadfully to hurt me by times beating me and almost breaking my back
dreadfully to hurt me by times beating me and almost breaking my back till the day of his examination being the 19th april and then also during the time of his examination he did afflict
and torture me so grievously and also several times since urging me vehemently to write in his
book and i verily believe in my heart that Giles Corey is a dreadful wizard.
For since he had been in prison, he or his appearance has come and most grievously tormented me.
This is really weird.
He's already a murderer and a bad man.
You don't need the paranormal on top of that to convict him.
That's like saying, did you know that Bin Laden was also a wizard?
His greatest crime of all. Crime against magic. Was teleporting. victim that's like saying did you know that bin laden was also a wizard it's like his greatest
crime of all crime against magic was teleporting uh this is a really unusual accusation it's very
old englishy and it they mentioned twice that giles came to them and forced them to write in
his book then tortured them and almost broke their back uh and then even while he was in prison
apparently the ghost of giles came to them and tormented them so a real scattergun accusation
yeah but giles was a proud man and a bad man and he wasn't about to give these lawmakers and suits the satisfaction of a plea.
He wouldn't plead guilty or not guilty.
Checkmate.
If they wanted to send him down for being a wizard,
they were gonna have to make the case.
And he was onto something.
There was a loophole in the law that said
someone who wouldn't plead either way could not be tried.
If the robe doesn't fit you must acquit however
to avoid people cheating the justice system the automatic punishment for refusing to plead
was penforte dur that literally means hard punishment and when it was first invented in
france it really just meant being put in a dark, wet, cold cell and fed
pretty much nothing until you fess up. Got it. Which I get. If you refuse to speak, you refuse to
plead one way or the other, they're going to just try and press you until you give up.
Specifically, you are given, quote, on the first day, three morsels of the worst bread,
On the first day, three morsels of the worst bread, and on the second day, three sips of standing water.
And this alternates basically until you crack.
Maybe that's what Giles thought was going to happen when he refused to plead.
He's like, I've absolutely got this, I carb loaded for the last couple of days, I've got some snacks in my pockets, I'm going to make it through this But by the era of the Salem witch trials pen forte do had changed to mean
Crushed to death. Here we go, baby. We're talking mace up the ass. There's no mace in the ass rat
Helmet no that thing that that cranks your bones and spine into a 10 foot man what's the other one uh hang
drawn and quartered yeah tie you to four different horses and the horses rip you apart by running in
different directions i think they scare the horses so they take off in different directions you got
to be very careful about you don't want to scare them all in one direction and then the guy just
gets away he's got four horses he He's going to be pretty fast.
You're never going to catch him.
Four horsepower.
And on September 17th,
Giles lay down on the ground in the village square
and Sheriff George Corwin
placed a big plank of wood on top of him.
Well, here it is, Giles.
Listen, you know we don't have to go through with all this. If you would
just plead guilty or not
guilty, you can have a trial.
You don't have to be crushed
to death. I will not be
intimidated
into giving you what... I'm not trying to
intimidate you, damn it, Giles. What you want.
You want to be
crushed to death with a plank of wood and
stones? I will die a thousand deaths eternally and go down into the fiery pits of hell where the demon f***s my balls.
Jesus, Giles.
There's children present.
They just came here to see a man getting crushed to death.
Now, don't frighten them.
Giles, listen.
Brother, my sister, she's the best Defending attorney in Salem
She's got like two witches off
And then you know how hard that is
Your sister can burn for all I care
Alright, get down to the ground
We're gonna put a plank of wood on you
Do it! You put on the tiniest bit of pressure
Ow, ow, ow, ow, stop, stop, stop
No, no, no, I've changed my mind
George, I put the plank, there wasn't even any weight on it.
There was splinters at the bottom, and one of them went in my nipple.
Are you ready?
I'm done.
Yeah, I'll say whatever you want.
That really f***ing hurt.
I'll be honest with you.
Is your sister available?
You didn't say you were going to put me down on cobblestone.
We said we were going to crush you to death.
Yeah, but maybe I thought over a couple years.
No.
Maybe you'd get bored.
There's a twig in my shoulder.
Look at that queue of guys carrying boulders ready to throw on you.
That's for me?
Yes!
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
A hundred percent.
What did you want me to say?
I'm a wizard or not?
Punishment for wizard is mace up the ass.
Oh, God. Never mind. I'm a wizard or not punishment for wizard is mace up the ass oh god never mind so the sheriff and
the villagers placed rocks on top of the board weighing down on giles they basically left him
there for two days until the sheriff came back and said giles for the love of God, just plead and this will be over with. To which Giles said just two words,
F*** off, more weight.
The sheriff sighed and signaled for more stones to be added to the pile.
And every time Giles was asked anything,
he responded only with those two words,
more weight.
Wow.
Eventually, the sheriff came by to check in on him and apparently his eyes were bulging out of their sockets and his tongue was poking out of his mouth
the sheriff even took his cane and poked the tongue back in but after asking for more weight
one last time the rocks were piled on and the sheriff leaned on in giles's face and said
ready to plead old man giles looked up at the sheriff with his bulging eyes his face screwed
up in anger and said damn you i curse you and i curse salem after which he flopped over dead
oh that's kind of disappointing.
I was hoping it was going to be like, you know when you put
like a hundred rubber bands on a watermelon?
Right. And it just reaches the point where it
just goes, and just
bursts. I was kind of hoping that they'd put on
the final pebble and he would just, you know.
I was kind of hoping he was going to go like anime
style. He just summons some superhuman
strength and like, he just
grabs the sheriff's neck
for strangling him he only he's ripped now from being all his weight being put on him
he only said one word on the last day avada kadabra as he bursts free from the rocks
spells flying like lightning bolts only three days later martha was also hung for her part
in whatever the the villagers thought was happening in Salem.
Now, in some ways, Giles didn't die for nothing.
If he had pleaded guilty or pleaded not guilty, and let's face it, definitely been found guilty,
he would have forfeited all his worldly possessions to the authorities, leaving his family desolate.
But, by refusing to plead, his sons inherited everything.
Pretty clever. Not only that, but the grisly sight of Giles's long painful
death with his tongue poking out of his mouth left such a bad taste in the
villagers mouths, they quickly started asking themselves, what are we doing here?
It was the beginning of the end of the witch trials. Wow.
The dawn of a new, less paranoid and judgmental Salem.
I love that it just took the death of one man for them to be like,
whoa, whoa, this is messed up.
He looked borderline in pain.
We should really stop this.
Let's just kill the rest of the witches and then we'll move on from this.
I really think we're getting to the end of the witches, so we'll keep going.
In fact, we'll double down on those efforts.
But the wizards can go to jail.
But Giles didn't just live on in the memories of his family.
Villagers of Salem claimed to see the white ghost of Giles hunting the town,
specifically the Horrid Street Cemetery
where he was laid to rest.
This is what I don't understand about the Salem witch trials.
Go on.
What was the end game?
Even if they were witches and wizards and you kill them,
what did you think was going to happen?
Problem solved.
They can't come back because they're dead.
They're f***ing magic.
It's like you having a rat problem in your house,
so you remove the rat from
your bedroom and put them into the kitchen yeah you've got a whole other problem now it's insane
even if yeah did you think arresting them was gonna do good either you're killing an innocent
person or they're if you try and arrest a wizard your hands are bubbles yeah your eyes are snakes you are zapped your knees are crayons you
crumbled into ash you're done you're gone for everyone knows that the only thing you can do
with with with a witch or wizard is trick them into taking a trip to some kind of deserted island
and then trapping them there yeah on some kind of witch wizard island where
they can live out the rest of their lives in miserable agony but you don't imprison them you
do not kill them exactly you just it's you're basically trying to handcuff a beehive it's a
terrible idea but was it just a collective guilt that made people see things or was it the real spirit of Giles that couldn't
move on from this world? They wouldn't know for sure until 1914 when on the night of June 25th
several witnesses saw a strange man walking in Harrod Street Cemetery. But it could have been
anybody right? Maybe the graveyard keeper decided to cosplay a medieval guy. Maybe someone
just wanted to go for a relaxing midnight graveyard stroll. But the possibility that this was the
ghost of Giles Corey appearing in Salem again was a dark omen of what was to follow the next day.
On June 25th, 1914 at 1.37pm, the call was made to the fire department. There was a fire raging in the leather factory.
Up to June 25th, there had been a brutal drought, and everything that could be dry,
was dry. It didn't take long for the fire to jump to the next building, and the next.
The police department quickly sent out a request for aid to 21 other cities,
and 90 out-of-town police got there as soon as they could,
but it was too late.
The fire raged through every street and building
in what would become known as the Great Salem Fire.
In all, over 1,300 buildings were destroyed,
and over 18,000 people were made homeless.
21,000 witches perished.
Not only that, but after all the factories burned down,
half the town became
unemployed overnight. The words of Giles Corey rang in the townspeople's ears. Damn you, I curse you,
and I curse Salem. There was little doubt in their mind that Giles had truly cursed their town.
He appeared the night before as an omen and exacted his revenge the next day.
Thoughts?
So let's get this straight.
He appeared in front of people the night before the fire?
That's right.
That's a ballsy move if he is the one responsible.
Just being at the bottom of someone's bed flipping a Zippo.
Just being like, y'all don't even know what's f***ing coming tomorrow.
Make sure you have a little glass.
You look parched there. You want a little glass of water i guess if you're a ghost i mean you have carte blanche to trash talk as much as you want because there's zero consequences yeah you don't
also have a lot else going on either no arguably you have all you have infinite time stretching on
in front of you i guess how do they think he was responsible for these fires because as we know
ghosts there's a limited amount that they can impact the human world but they you know they
knock light switches on and off couldn't they knock over an oil lamp i suppose so that's kind
of pushing that's like saving up i don't know 200 ghost bucks to cash that in yeah you gotta
you gotta strength train as a ghost in the ghost
realm to to be able to poke that poke that oil lamp over all i'm gonna say is you mentioned it
yourself this was a huge amount of time past the actual murder case not murder case the exec the
public execution is what we're calling it so all'm going to say is something was bound to go wrong.
But this was far from the only time Giles had revenge on his mind. In 1978, Salem Sheriff Robert Cahill was working and minding his own business when the ghost of Giles Corey appeared
to him before vanishing quickly. Maybe at first he attributed this to working late nights or drinking too much coffee, but
he didn't get much sleep that night thinking about the face of Giles.
In the coming days, Robert Cahill was hospitalized with a rare blood disorder, pulling through
only by the skin of his teeth, yet after recovering he was rocked later that same year by a heart
attack and a stroke.
Damn.
At this point of his life, he was only around 40 years old,
so this should not have been happening to him.
It didn't feel right.
Hello, Robert.
Are visiting hours still going?
Of course.
Of course, come in.
Oh, it's just me, the mayor, Robert.
How are you feeling?
I recognize you from your voice immediately, Mr. Mayor.
Really? My voice?
I've had better. I've felt better.
Well, you feel like shit every day once you're old, Robert.
Anyway, tell me, what happened?
I heard there was a stroke.
Yeah, there was a stroke. Yeah, there was a stroke.
Doctors say I got bad blood.
I've been feeling ill for a while.
Can you close the door for a second?
Sure thing, Robert.
Look, I don't want you to think I'm crazy or something.
Yeah, I'm on morphine at the minute and things have kicked in, but...
Sure.
Look, a while ago, I could have swornine at the minute and things have kicked in, but... Sure. Look, look.
A while ago, I could have sworn that I saw the spirit of Giles.
The wizard.
Who?
Giles.
He was a man who was put on trial.
That's some strong morphine you've got there, Robert.
I know it sounds crazy, Mr. Mayor.
I know it does, but I don't know.
I can't help... I can't shake the thought that maybe it was him that did this to me.
That a ghost or something did this to you?
I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think this heart attack is his fault.
You think that... Well, that's an interesting idea, Robert.
But usually heart attacks are caused by lifestyle.
I mean, you work an awful lot and,
you know, have you been exercising? Currently, no, I haven't been exercising. Ever? Uh, the last four
years have slipped by, but aside from that, I live a healthy life. You know me, I'm a man of the law. You weren't 80 hours a week, Robert. 90.
I've never seen, honestly, Robert, I hope you don't mind me saying, but I've never seen you
with a bacon double cheeseburger out of your hand. Of course, that's dinner. Look, when you're a
working man on the force, you need to eat whenever you can, instantly. Is there any reason why a healthy guy like me who gets his five square
meals a day should be in the hospital with a bad heart okay there's a there's a lot to unpack there
robert you're not healthy you almost died three times i think according to your doctor five meals
where the did you get that from look i'm gonna? Look, I'll just tell you about my daily routine,
and you tell me at any point if you think that there's a reason
that I should have a f***ing heart attack.
I'm really not the guy.
How about that, Mr. Mayor?
I'm going to leave, Robert,
because you should really be telling this to the doctor instead.
I wake up every morning at 7.24 a.m.
I'm already late for work. I gotta run
to the office. That's a quick
30 second jog every morning. Are you writing
that down? 30 seconds. Straight
to the drive-thru McDonald's.
Four bacon and egg McMuffins. Three
hash browns. Liter of cola.
Straight down to my desk. I'm late
because I gotta pick up my breakfast.
I didn't finish my breakfast yet, alright?
Get to the desk.
Four grapefruits.
Three pieces of toast.
A stick of butter.
And I'll just put that in a blender and just crush it up into a juice that I inject in my toes.
Have you started...
Your toes?
Have you started...
Why haven't you started work yet?
It's now approximately 8.15 a.m.
Lunchtime. I feel like that's not lunch.
I feel like this is going to take an awfully
long time, Robert. I take a
second swing at the drive-thru of McDonald's.
Breakfast is over now.
I thought breakfast stops at 10, Robert.
Well, Robert,
I don't know if there's any truth to all that,
but fate is a funny thing,
you know, on account of what's happened to the previous sheriffs.
Anyway, nice seeing you.
What?
What? Oh, yeah. Well, yes.
No, it did strike me as funny that you got a stroke and a heart attack.
Well, not funny, you know, not ha-ha funny, but curious.
Not any kind of funny.
Because, did you know, the last sheriff also died of a blood disorder?
I haven't died yet.
I'm alive. I'm still here.
Sure, sure. For now. For now.
And no, obviously, no, I did not know that.
Hmm, yes, it is funny.
You know what? Actually, the one before him, he died of a heart attack.
Actually, as far back as I can remember, every f***ing sheriff's ticker bit the dust.
Is this true?
Robert's mind was racing.
It couldn't be a coincidence, could it?
The two sheriffs before him all dying of blood disorders.
Robert rips the IV bag out of his arm and hobbles down the corridor.
In his hospital gown, pushing nurses out of the way.
I have to know the truth.
I have to know the truth.
Everyone's looking like Giles at this point.
He speeds in his car over to the city hall, bursting through the door.
All the staff are saying, Robert, what are you doing here?
There's no time.
Where are the city records kept? Where are they? God damn it. They show him to an office where he starts pulling
books off the shelves until he finds the one he's looking for. Police records of historic Salem.
He flicks to the back of the book, a list of every sheriff who has served the city of Salem in the
past 300 years. He scans down the page and
then drops the book altogether, hands trembling, the mayor standing in the doorway of the office.
What is it, Robert? The cause of death was listed for every sheriff in history.
Heart attack, blood disorder, blood disorder, heart attack, stroke, stroke disorder heart attack stroke stroke heart attack blood
disorder Robert immediately thought back to Giles Corey's last words damn I curse
you and I curse Salem they had been spoken to the sheriff Giles hadn't just
cursed the sheriff who tortured him in 1692, but every future sheriff of Salem.
This is what I'm talking about, guys. This is why you just let wizards do their own thing.
They're like billionaires. You can't police them. You just hope they don't nuke the earth.
Needless to say, Robert Cahill retired on health concerns around then,
and thankfully lived as not- until 2005 and wrote a lot
of books about the history of New England in that time. But when he did die, it was of a heart attack.
Thankfully, however, Robert believes he lived to see the end of the curse. There was only one way
to do it, to finally end Giles's assault on the sheriffs of Salem. Move the sheriff's office to the nearby town of
Middleton. Wow, is that what they did? Yep. That's a cool little loophole. I like that.
Roy, I've just illustrated a very fantastical historical tale to you of the history of Salem,
Massachusetts. What are you making of the story of Giles Corey and the potential curse on the
city of Salem? I love it. I think it's great. I mean, if there was ever a city to be cursed by wizards, it would either be wherever the hell
Hogwarts is or Salem. Right. So this does make a lot of sense. And, you know, we know a lot about
the witch trials that took place in the olden days, but rarely do we hear about the repercussions,
place in the olden days but rarely do we hear about the repercussions aside from the fact that a lot of horrible uh people did a lot of mean things to a lot of innocent people uh very rarely
do we hear about the curses the paranormal repercussions that have echoed throughout the
years and this is what we're getting a little glimpse at today you can't expect to try and arrest someone who knows how to use magic without
getting a little bit cursed and i've been saying that for years that's why dumbledore is a free man
after all the shit he did i'm sorry what did what did he do you don't even want to know mortal minds
can't even comprehend what that bearded bastard has done.
Did you say muggle mind? He shouldn't have a school, that's for sure.
It's a good point.
And, you know, frankly, I'm pissed off that for all the talk of Salem,
Salem is incredibly famous,
but people talk about it as like a period of ignorance in human history
where we ignorantly put all...
Granted, we did ignorantly...
I was like, where are you going with this?
As a people, we did ignorantly murder all those where are you going as a people we did ignorantly
murder all those 15 year old girls for being witches but you know no one mentions
giles corey turning up in salem the night before the great fire of salem they don't mention all
the sheriffs dying of the same thing year in year out yeah uh the real repercussions it's also
strange that as we said they probably killed hundreds of
witches with zero repercussion and then the one wizard that gets killed they're like he has cursed
the town he has is gonna haunt us forever the witch has tried but you know like those you know
with those little nursery rhyme spells they couldn couldn't do shit. Yeah, what's the conclusion there?
That they really dropped the ball and they weren't actually witches?
Do you have to be haunted by the dead for them to be paranormal?
I guess that's an interesting question.
You know, we're looking at the story of Giles Corey,
but is the question, is Giles a true wizard or is it that the curse is real?
I think we're focusing less on the accusations of the
times people this is less about is giles a wizard i don't know if we have any evidence for that
but i think this is more is the curse of giles corey is it real did they did they arrest him
for being a wizard or for all the crimes that he did for being a wizard that is ridiculous yeah and i don't think
there was any evidence for that but there was evidence of him murdering someone and he got a
fine this is being a wizard crushed to death this is like there being a shark attack on a beach in
florida and you managed to drag the shark out onto the land, cage him up.
And when you get to the courtroom, you're like, you're on trial for being a shark.
And as you can see, he has fins and teeth.
And he looks pretty friggin thirsty, mind you, because he's out of water.
And he's still got like bits of like he's still got limbs of uh of the public
in his teeth sure it makes no sense but is the curse real no what i don't think so
this is the problem that that uh we we have when we're dealing with cases from the 1700s
1600s i'll i'll add that's not going to help your case why uh it means that
there is zero evidence and a lot of the stories and testimonies have been passed down through
generations of families uh getting generations of sheriffs actually pretty trustworthy well no
because they all died pretty abruptly in the line of duty uh so i don't
think they were the ones telling the stories i will say the curse's method of choice for for
killing the sheriffs of salem um is heart disease blood disorders strokes heart disease is also the
leading cause of death in in north america you could probably make a case that a
decent amount of these sheriffs would have died of heart disease even if there weren't a curse
yeah heart disease is probably number one a wizard's curse is way way down in the rankings
i think that is underestimated i think it is and i think some of those wizard curses are getting
thrown in with the heart disease stats right but r, we could beat around the bush all day.
If we have to come to a conclusion as to whether the curse of Giles Corey on the city of Salem is real or not,
if it's a yes or a no, what are you saying?
I think unless we can get some hardcore evidence or unless tonight I am visited by the man himself,
it's for me going to be a no.
Agreed.
If Giles comes to our studio to fight us please don't afflict us
with heart disease i couldn't take that but if he does come we will reconsider until then it is a no
thank you so much to vicky for sending this one into us i hope you guys enjoyed the story of giles
cory and salem i i love that era of history it's so fun to place a paranormal story in those
bizarre medieval suspicious times.
It's just a cool atmosphere. So if you have any of your own thoughts, send them on into
thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. Remember guys, you can always catch up with us on socials
from week to week. We're on Twitter, that's at thisparalife on facebook.com forward slash
thisparanormallife life the secret society is over there
too where you can uh chat with other this paranormal life commune members but our home our
our hub our witch's lair if you will of course is patreon patreon.com forward slash this paranormal
life this is where this paranormal life listeners can go if they just can't get enough of the show and they cannot wait to Tuesday to get their fix of the show. There is a backlog
of bonus episodes. These are full length, fully fledged episodes of This Paranormal Life, which
are not available to the public. They're only available to patrons over on patreon.com, where
from five bucks a month, you can get access to those. From 20 bucks, you can even get a This Paranormal Life exclusive t-shirt.
So if you haven't heard those before, head on over to Patreon,
check them out and let us know what you think.
And in the meantime...
Or don't.
Or don't, whatever.
At the end of every episode...
I don't like to tell anyone what to do, so...
You're talking over me and that's kind of imposing.
But at the end of every...
Just keep it chill.
Sorry, are you going to... What did that add to the episode keep it chill trying to run the episode i just feel like you know at the end it
was like hey do this do this do this do this and it's just like well we don't want to tell anyone
what to do you have to get them it's like inception you got to put it in their heads
within a dream within a dream within a dream and then they'll put their heads down on train tracks and arrive at the Patreon.
Okay.
Well, I'm the train track.
Okay.
That's showing the train where to go.
So if you want, keep it chill and head on over to patreon.com.
That was great.
Nailed it.
I think that was, I think people are going to connect a lot easier with that one.
Can I finish the episode now?
Sure.
So at the end of every episode, we like to take the time to shout out those who've supported us on patreon
i buy their own free will the people that support us on patreon obviously by their own choice
if you force someone to support you it's not they're not supporting you just keep it chill
man you're bringing the mood down a little bit i don't want to end on like a on like an angry note
or like a i am angry it's a this is the note and it's angry. Special thank you to
Matthew D. Stone.
Matthew pulled
D. Sword from D. Stone.
That's cause he is
the king. Your highness.
Thank you also to Leo
Flanagan.
Leo the lion
coming at ya with some support
on Patreon. Thank you so much, Leo.
Please spare us from your hunger.
He does eat 200 kg of protein an hour.
Won't need my skinny ass then.
Thank you also to Tom Box.
You should never open Pandora's box, but Tom's box is fine.
It's got some yo-yos in there, a couple Beyblades.
Small childhood memorabilia.
Yeah.
Special thank you to TayTay Boniface.
TayTay, could I interest you in a glass of Tay?
A glass?
A glass of Tay, iced Tay, or coffee.
Any of those.
Thank you also to Richard Hammerton.
Could anyone have a heavier sounding name than Richard Hammer-tongue?
That's pretty hardcore.
Maybe his dad.
Anchor Mountainweight.
Mick Anvil-tongue.
Special thank you to Nick Rolls.
They see Nick rolling.
They hate it. That is because Nick invented Nick Rolls. They see Nick rolling. They hate it.
That is because Nick invented Heelys.
Really a Leonardo da Vinci of our time.
Great inventor.
He tried to originally call them Nickers,
which was a terrible, terrible idea.
Bad idea.
Don't sell Nickers to children.
Thank you to Samuel Hughes.
Samuel Hughes, owner of Hughes's Booze Cruise.
That is right.
It is the only booze cruise that is alcohol-free.
That is right.
It's more of an intervention to bring a bunch of alcoholics on board.
You set sail.
Of course, there is no alcohol on board.
They're pretty much forced to face their issues.
That is a fantastic idea it's very smart
although a lot of them start drinking seawater out of desperation it's dangerous thank you to
matt ready matt ready is not ready to die he's got a lot of things he wants to do left on earth
which is a problem because he squandered the first 94 years of his life. And now he's old as shit. And not in great condition for traveling backpacking around Thailand.
Thank you to Hallie Weisberg.
Hallie is just the tip of the Weisberg.
That's because there's a lot more where Hallie came from.
It's a big family.
Yeah.
They actually sunk the Titanic as well.
Let's not move past that.
Yeah.
We don't forgive.
We don't forget. Thank you to Jonathan Long. Jonathan Long. Let's not move past that. Yeah, we don't forgive, we don't forget.
Thank you to Jonathan Long.
Jonathan Long, bit of a misnomer.
Incredibly short man.
Two foot nothing.
Of course.
But his money is long.
It is long.
He's also receiver of the longest frisbee catch in the Guinness Book of World Records.
Quite impressive for a man who is about the size of a frisbee.
Thank you also to Sam Dykes.
Come on down to Sam's Bikes.
We've got everything from bikes through trikes through motorbikes through hikes.
The last one is really a right angle.
Well, you know, everyone's trying to roll the kind of
online click and order uh stuff out there you know you got to diversify your portfolio how can
you order a hike you book it and then a delivery driver piggybacks you to the location of the hike
okay thank you to daryl mooney daryl mooney named Daryl Mooney, name so because, of course, just like the moon, Daryl's got a dark side.
By day, sure, he's an accountant for a pretty big law firm.
But by night?
Content for a clandestine law firm.
That's right, they represent criminals and villains.
Pretty dark.
Thank you also to Demarcus Finelson.
Demarcus is always crossing the line.
He doesn't know where Demarcus.
Which is bad whenever it is a picket line and his business is on strike.
Because your co-workers are going to hate you for that.
You're a scab.
Thank you to Rebecca Dre Haynes.
Rebecca the plumber.
She Dre Haynes all the pipes that aren't stuck.
You could put anything down
there. Hair.
Gunk. A friggin'
a friggin' human toe.
Rebecca, she didn't ask any questions either.
No questions asked.
She is a clandestine
plumber for villains.
Thank you to Jamie Robertson.
It's Jamie the baby Robertstson this guy is granted
a grown man but he's all about that baby lifestyle it's a good life back unemployed sure riding
around in uh he's like he's hooked up a motor to a pram that's dope and that's how he gets around
he's not wasting his time walking why go to the bathroom when you can wear a nappy? Juice, baby. Juice
is underrated.
I've been saying that for years. Teach us your ways.
Thank you to Julia
Klein. Julia,
I am inclined to
decline your offer
of a human spine.
Because I don't know where you got it
and I don't want one. I've already got one.
Thank you to Michael G
Michael G doesn't get want to give too much away. What is the G stand for?
Little plot twist stands for Gator Michael is a crocodile
So not an alligator, but he wants to keep it on the down-low online
Which I'm gonna be Michael C
Shut the fuck up
Thank you to Aaron Boilier Which I understand. Shouldn't it be Michael C? Shut the f*** up!
Thank you to Aaron Beaulieu.
Aaron, can I interest you in a nice Beaulieu spaghetti?
We serve it up just like mama serves it.
Ice cold.
On the rocks.
It's a cocktail.
We blend it up.
It's basically a Bloody Mary with noodles in it.
It's a way of tax avoiding.
We're not a licensed premises, so it's technically an Italian dish. Thank you to Ben Hillman.
Everyone's heard of Hellman's mayonnaise but Ben actually invented Hillman's mayonnaise.
It's not good.
That's why it's not famous.
It throws a lot in that thing and it's a bit of a mess.
There's wasabi, there's ketchup, there's wasabi there's ketchup there's
horseradish lots of other sauces thrown in there which kind of takes away from the mayo man it's
all about the mayo yeah especially because the primary ingredient is just hellman's mayonnaise
yeah you can't really yeah that doesn't work thank you to sam letchford. Sam Letch is a hell of a catch. Six foot four, jacked, good job, chiseled jawline,
20-20 vision, and a fat wallet.
Anyone would love to go on a date with Sam.
He's one catch though.
He's a gator.
Another gator?
Six foot four, great job, but a gator.
Thanks to Scott Telford.
Well, if it isn't hot Scott.
Six foot three.
Oh, don't tell me.
Varsity athlete.
Just tell me now that he's a human.
Well, he's not a gator for God's sake.
Varsity athlete.
Drives a frickin Maserati.
Everything going for him. family great values just tell me
just say he is a human before you tell me any more about his life what it shouldn't be this hard
has great great uh dress sense okay for uh croc he's okay yeah He's a croc. Yeah, he's a croc.
You said he was a varsity athlete.
Thank you to Amelia Edwards.
Amelia's great because if you ask her to do something for you,
she gets it done immediately.
Immediately.
Dilly dallying around.
So fast?
No, that's incredibly slow
what
I didn't say immediately
I said immediately
which means
sometimes she doesn't even do it
that means Amelia style
which is she takes your wallet
and she f***s off
thank you to everyone
we've shouted out today
and everyone we are yet to shout out
thanks for sticking with us
we are getting there
we will be back next Tuesday
with a brand new paranormal tale
see you then.
If you want to be my lover,
you gotta get with my,
gotta get with my friends.
Friendship never ends.
We're musicians.
What a banger.
That was great.
They had it all figured out. I hope there were other rules as well if you wanna be my father you gotta work nine to five if you wanna be my
auntie you gotta wear leather shoes if you wanna be my cousin you better come around on thanksgiving
you know the rhyming scheme kind of goes out the window.
It's getting dangerously close to froggy fresh.
If you want to be my friend, you got to give me nice toys.