This Paranormal Life - #188 The World’s Most BADASS Cryptid

Episode Date: November 24, 2020

This week Kit and Rory explore the glowing mystery of the wonder cave and confront the beast that lives inside... THE GROOTSLANG. A Super Saiyan level paranormal monster.Patreonhttps://patreon.com/ThisParanormalLifeYouTubehttps://youtube.com/thisparanormallifeTwitterhttps://twitter.com/ThisParaLifeInstagramhttps://instagram.com/thisparanormallifeSecret Society Facebook Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/groups/thisparanormallife/Edited by Kami Tomanhttps://TomanEdits.comIntro music: https://www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why won't the government let me drive without a license? What happens if you eat dessert before dinner? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hey! Hello everyone and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week we investigate one of the world's most darkest mysterious badass monsters and come to a conclusion as to whether or not it is true or false my name is rory powers

across from me sits my co-investigator kit greer whoa really feel like i'm getting an insight off the bat into what this episode might be about because normally we say something off the top about Mysteries and paranormal, but I think you said what do you say darkest most badass? Look what I'm going to say is that this paranormal life has taken the easy road for a little too long Lately, we've been investigating haunted houses some jazz musician who sold his soul to the devil Ghosts, we might as well investigate a f***ing jellyfish. These aren't real life situations. These aren't dangerous things that will ever hurt us. I will ask you not to slate the investigation

into the giant jellyfish that live in the upper atmosphere, my friend. We need to step things up a notch and investigate something that is possibly the most dangerous creature to ever exist. Jesus, I can't even imagine what that might be. This week we're going to investigate the world's most badass, dangerous, beast mode cryptid. And I know our listeners are scared because none of them suggested this. Not one email. This episode is thanks to no one which uh you know sure you

could say that means no one was interested in it or you could say that they were all too scared to even have me utter the name grootslang oh we said we would never speak that name on the pod. It's like the Voldemort of the cryptid world. What did you say? It who shall not be named the Groot slang. It's a horrible name. It's a pretty bad name. And it's a pretty bad cryptid as we're going to discover. Located deep within the wilderness of South Africa,

there's a place spoken about in legends. A place known by treasure hunters. Explored only... What the f***? Maybe I was sick when I wrote this. A lot of this doesn't make sense.

Does this make sense? A place known by treasure hunters and explored only by name? No. Explored only by name? No, it doesn't make any sense right all right it makes me a little

bit nervous because i'm i'm not worried that a lot of this isn't going to make sense so full disclosure i have been death deathly ill for the last uh week when i wrote this episode so i'm hoping a lot of this makes sense and i asked you uh brother i know you've been deathly ill do you want me to pre-read anything and you said f**k off you abominable snowman get out of here you groot slang you're like that's not a real cryptid i think you just made that up all right look we're just gonna have to push through whatever i wrote is whatever i'm presenting today maybe in my sick sick mind i tapped into like a higher consciousness so let's hope that's the truth. Poop, poop, pee, pee.

Poop, poop, pee, poop. Achoo, achoo, sleep. That's all I wrote. A place known by treasure hunters and explored only by name, not location. That name is the wonder hole what an enormous dark cave that leads down into the earth down deeper than the sun can reach connecting to the ocean which is 40 miles away now why is this cave called the wonder hole well because deep within its caverns lies diamonds gemstones all of mother earth's precious shit all the good stuff okay i'm listening you know too often we're sent to the to butt

nowhere the middle of wherever uh where there's frankly no precious gems to be found it's not a very lucrative place for people like us to go investigate, but you had me at diamonds. Yeah, we're talking about like a Goonies style treasure cavern. It's like a pirate ship exploded inside of the earth. Hell yeah. Now when we hear about a cave like this that hasn't been raided yet, there's usually a pretty good reason why. One, it's hard to find. Two, it's surrounded by pretty good reason why. One, it's hard to find.

Two, it's surrounded by the South African wilderness. We're talking tigers, probably some poisonous bugs, at the very least one angry monkey. But the real reason people don't even look for this cave is because legend has it that it's guarded by a terrifying beast. One that will rip you to shreds, slam your body against the walls, and crush your bones to dust. You would have to be insane to face this beast.

Enter Peter Grayson, a man who loves treasure. More than his own life, you could say. This Oxford-educated English businessman. He's a nerd? Yeah's a nerd yeah he's gonna go up against the most badass cryptid of all time this is 1917 okay so an oxford educated english businessman is basically indiana jones yeah you have a point there you have a passport for the world yeah and a gun with a license to. You can pretty much go anywhere and do anything.

Most people actually went to Oxford to get the gun and the license, not the degree. It was more of like a police department at that point. Instead of a degree, you get a gun and a badge. I'm so smart I get to decide who lives and dies. This English businessman had heard stories about the legendary cave and had become obsessed with it. He'd read dozens of old maps, studied diaries from prospectors, and even familiarized himself with the customs and legends of that part of the continent. In 1917, before setting sail to South Africa, he said proudly, I am determined to return to England either a very rich man or a dead man.

A man of his word, he set sail to the Orange River Territory, where he put together a small expedition team to head out into the wilderness and hunt for the Wonder Cave. The night before they set out, they chatted around the campfire. What are you going to do with your cut of the diamonds?

Maybe retire? Finally get out of the game? Get myself a wife? Robert joins them. Ha ha! Get out of the game? Didn't know I assembled a team of boring bastards. One man spoke from the shadows. You certainly didn't assemble a team of smart bastards, that's for sure. Finding that cave only guarantees one thing. Your death. What are you talking about?

The man told them the story. The legend of the mighty... GROOTSLANG! The most badass cryptid that ever existed. And I'm going to tell you that legend right now. The Grootslang is a legendary cryptid. A primordial beast. Rumored to be as old as the world itself.

F*** off. What does that mean? Do you think I was exaggerating when I said we were going to investigate the world's most badass cryptid? Bigfoot. Yeah, he's pretty tall. He's got a pair of tens on him. But he's not primordial. He's not as old as the Earth itself.

That doesn't make any sense. But the Earth was formed by potentially hot meteorites crashing 460 billion years the legend goes okay that the gods of creation made a huge mistake and created a creature that was half snake half elephant holy smokes not just with them not just with incredible strength, but intelligence, speed, and lust for destruction. Okay. Well, that's good because he was born on the primordial earth. That's a big mistake to make. I feel like there's a number of mistakes leading up to this point.

I mean, nothing else exists at this point. So your first being is the greatest mistake in history you should start small if you're a god of creation just be like i'm gonna f**k about i'm gonna make a beetle a blade of grass yeah sure this is a ladybird not not a human bug but a it's got a ladybird with the tail of a scorpion in the mind of einstein someone stop him there's two ladies riding it into the horizon there's a tarantula break dancing on the primordial earth to rectify their mistake they split the groot slang into two creatures the snake and the elephant which i'm gonna say i don't think did very much in terms of redistributing the balance of power

in that dynamic you pretty much were like okay this guy's too powerful let's make him half mighty mighty elephant and half worm you haven't done a good a good job at making this a tamer beast at least i feel like all the uh psycho tendencies of the groot slang went into the snake whereas all the kind of like yeah like chill labrador energy of the groot slang went into the elephant that's a good point because you know the snake is very much uh often an image of evil you know very sinister the original image of evil exactly of sin whereas the elephant i think he just never forgets but that could be never forgetting to just have a good time sure that's not necessarily malicious

so maybe that's it maybe that there's a power split and a good v evil split as well i've definitely heard stories of elephants going loco and destroying entire indian villages that's not good but usually uh really tapping into that snake energy the elephant usually that's when the village people have like whipped the elephants for 20 years and cut down all the trees that they eat and then you have it coming yeah you deserve it at that point that's's some Planet of the Apes shit going on right there. If you're slapping the elephants, you know, they also never forget what you did to them. Exactly. So you're going to get what's coming.

Well, the story goes that one Grootslang managed to escape and to this day hides in the Wonder Cave of South Africa, luring elephants into its cave to devour them whole. Some cannibalism shit. Elephants? I guess, is that cannibalism if you're half snake? If you're half something, okay. I kind of sympathize in a way because when the Groot slang was created, there wasn't a lot of food kicking about.

Yeah. Someone needs to tell him. There's like KFC, Burger King, McDonald's, a lot of convenient fast food options available, even in South Africa. Yeah, the first thing he did was go into this cave. The only thing he can make is a f***ing elephant honk, which is just bringing more elephants into the cave.

It's all he thinks is this is the food honk. And every time I honk my big elephant, I don't actually know if elephants honk. That might be more of a cartoon thing. Do they to toot i think they do more of like a mighty roar you know what elephant you know like the should we hear one wait what am i googling elephant roar elephant honk also does sound like a sex move i don't want to get us banned again well i find my way to uh a youtube channel called elephant news that has half a million subscribers wow this is an episode of elephant news this music is massively distracting

it makes it sound like a military operation these elephants are conducting oh jesus it's like a t-rex oh my god hell that's insane well it is coming from the mouth that's not uh that's not coming from the little um trunk all he did was touch his horn yeah and he went primal i'm starting to think they shouldn't have split this beast up probably giving it a snake body was limiting it in some ways you're now giving it extra legs which isn't good well robert grayson had already heard the legends of the beast and whether he just didn't believe it or whether he thought he could kill it it didn't matter to him or his team the simple thought of the riches that awaited them was enough to push them forward. So off they went, exploring the wilderness. Robert Grayson and his A-list team of adventurers.

An unstoppable force. First night at camp, one of the team was killed by a lion. What? So very stoppable. Extremely stoppable. they're supposed to be going up against the primordial beast god that is the groot slang and they come across one measly lion yeah they lose a homie a whole yeah a whole dude at the first hurdle of this adventure not a great start for the unstoppable right after that robert himself stubbed his toe got gangrene and passed out the others had to carry him only a few days later a second member of the group was bitten by a poisonous snake which is half of the groot slang by the way the shittest least dangerous part of the groot slang managed to kill one of party. One garden snake wiped out half the troop.

These guys don't stand a chance. You realize the big dude is going to be half elephant, right? That's like you training for the chess world championships. And then you just think a week before the big game, you'll just play a casual game with your nephew

and he wipes the floor with you in five minutes? You're not even playing chess, you're playing Connect Four. Another man became seriously sick and begged to be taken back to the town. Robert Grayson was the only one who wanted to keep going. Come on, men,

where's your sense of adventure? Mr. Grayson, we can't go any further. These men need to go to the hospital. But the cave, the jewels, we're so close. Jeremy's snake bite wound is turning purple. Christ, you're all so f***ing whiny. Ooh, a snake bit me. Ooh, we should have brought more rations.

Ooh, Robert's eating all the rations. If you want to leave so bad, just give me your rations and f*** off. The team watched as the mighty machete swinging Grayson disappeared into the forest, heading in the direction of the cave. Can I borrow your machetes though? Mine's blunt as all hell. Little did they know,

that was the last time they would ever see him. Legend has it that he made it to that cave and just like the natives said he was destroyed by the mighty group what does destroyed mean vaporized pounded to dust there's nothing there's so many things this this could do to you. We will later on in the episode go into its abilities. But I mean, just based on the fact that it is half elephant, half snake, it could strangle you while it stabs you. There's a lot of things going on there. I mean, if there was a top Trump's deck of cards for cryptids,

he's the top of the pile. I can't think of another cryptid that we've investigated that could hold its own against the groot slang okay this thing is a monster primordial monster him up against a ghost he's reaching into the next dimension and pulling them out yeah ripping their heads off bigfoot is bigfoot is being wrapped around by its anaconda like body and squeezed like a grape his insides are just shooting out of him what's the uh like primordial god pokemon arceus is it so arceus is the pokemon that created pokemon which you know raises a lot of questions i'll be honest with you i don't know because then i don't know if arceus created humans as well right yeah yeah yeah because if he can

create yeah that would infer that there's at least one other god that created humans or arceus created the whole deal but also you can catch an arceus i have an arceus that's not good no that feels wrong that feels like i'm the devil what's uh ray quasar uh he's just a legendary he's just a okay you know like a big snake i think he's in my head because he's a like legendary snake yeah he is this is kind of ray quasar-esque i'd say while robert grayson is the most popular story linked to the groot slang there are many more that span over a hundred years. Back in 1867, explorer Hans Sauer was trekking down the Orange River in the eastern Cape province when he spotted the end of a huge black snake over a hundred feet long.

The snake was over a hundred feet or the end of the snake was over a hundred feet? I think maybe the snake. Okay. I'm guessing the snake in total is like? I think maybe the snake. Okay. Guessing the snake in total is like 100 feet long. Holy moly. I should have elaborated. This isn't the two-scale body of an elephant with the two-scale minute tail of a little snake.

Yeah, this is a colossus. Yeah, it's a huge creature. In another account from 1899, traveling merchant G.A. Kinnear was in a boat crossing the Orange River when all of a sudden the body of an enormous black serpent crashed into the water by his boat. Now obviously we're telling a lot of stories here and I know what you're thinking. You want to see a picture of this creature. You want to see an artist's illustration. Of course. There's only so much the human mind can produce when thinking about a half elephant, half snake.

So first off, here is one of the more terrifying illustrations that I could find online, which I think really depicts how grotesquely evil and simultaneously badass I think this cryptid is. Okay. Whoa. This is is holy moly yeah this is this

thing's not to scale ladies and gentlemen no uh i don't know if this is the size of the empire state building or um a regular snake size this is there's this is very difficult to explain. This is an almost HP Lovecraft-esque nightmarish vision of the void. Everything that is evil about this universe. We're talking about a giant snake where only the top half of its head is that of an entire elephant. With enormous rows of fangs and spearing tusks coming out of the elephant's head. It is very terrifying. It's pretty grotesque. Yeah. I mean, like, because when you hear at first a half elephant, half snake, you almost think of like a cartoonish split. Yes. Where this like elephant is struggling to walk because it's half snake body. This thing is just like a horrific

to walk because it's half snake body this thing is just like a horrific elephant's head almost split at a point where an elephant's head shouldn't be split to create a really disgusting mouth but with tusks and a trunk it is funny like you people think of elephants as very uh cute and beautiful which they are but i implore you even just to google search what an elephant just to punch one elephant and see how viciously they can act one took my wallet they reach into my back pocket and took my wallet and slapped me across the face with its trunk no i said that the last time i visited the safari i really did the guy you know we showed up there and the guy sitting there in his in his camo pants giving it big one, talking about the wonders of the wilderness and all of Mother Earth's greatest creations. All this, the beauty, the beauty, the beauty.

I stood up there and I said, have you ever slapped a monkey, sir? Have you ever slapped a monkey? Because I have. I once gut punched an armadillo just for looking at me wrong. That's not a monkey. And you would be blown away at how fast those little critters can turn against you it's almost remarkable it's beautiful in that sense how strong they are against me yeah sure that's that's pretty impressive what you should be talking about

is actually is actually warning the people here today at the safari not to engage physically with the beast i think it went without saying you should have gut punched an armadillo look i'm a simple man i see an armadillo that looks at me funny and they frankly always look at me funny because they got those weird little armadillo eyes they're very close to the ground how did you even access the gut they weren't even on the ground they were in one of their little armadillo holes. I had to reach in there. They're biting.

They're gnawing. I've probably got rabies at this point. I could barely reach the little bastard. I have to freaking pull him out. And yeah, he gave me a weird look when I did it. So I punched him just to show him who was boss. Yeah, the guy, the safari guy nearly uh shot you with the gun that he he exclusively keeps for rabid lions which just made me not be able to tell armadillo

from man so now i'm drugged up throwing punches at all the guests on the tour it was a nightmare frankly come at me you elephant bastard what i'm that, you know, creatures of all kind can be vicious if you attack them. Even the cutest of all, armadillos. Imagine you just, you kick an elephant and he just sucks out your eyeball. You bastard, you primordial beast. I can't believe you did this. you primordial beast i can't believe you did this i do think maybe there should be more facilities set up that allow humans to to fight animals but in but but only like evil animals like snakes and things are there any more evil animals goats i mean they are they are the devil all the depictions

of the devil depict him as a goat-headed that's a good yeah that's a really good point yeah i think that might literally be it i think that's every evil animal and we would like to make them extinct that is what your patreon dollars are going towards this month folks the only problem with it animal v human ufc style fighting league is uh if you're the human hopping in that ring you gotta be pretty confident you're gonna win right because no one wants you don't want to broadcast yourself getting laid out on national television by a bunch of parrots yeah you know that's not that's not that fun and also the animals are not gonna obey the very very lenient rules of the ufc which i think are no gouging yeah and that's it that's kind of their specialty is the gouging like i said that elephant will just slurp that eyeball out of your skull even in some sort of wrestling format

they will not abide by the laws of the bell if anything that might rile them up you think if you're tired they'll respect that if you try and so much as throw in the towel that goat is going to bite your fingers off you did throw in the towel oh it was a red tall to a bull you're like trying to plead to the ref the ref's a goat he's egging everyone on he's bleating he's eating people's clothes in the audience uh you just yeah you got to be careful you got to make sure that you win that's all i'm going to say if you're going to start up some sort of animal fighting league which obviously is the long game of this podcast now i will say i showed you the

more terrifying picture i think it's only fair to show you a less threatening picture of the okay uh so here is another artist illustration of the beast okay you know it is less terrifying it's maybe no less creepy this is like a an elephant that has come out the wrong shape and is saying kill me please it's like an elephant that's gone all long and stringy like a like a snake but it definitely looks evil i definitely would not want to come across it even if i was robert grayson it looks a bit like an like a dinosaur yeah it does a bit it's like an elephant mixed with slink from toy story yeah that weird slinky body with a little elephant head it's a stretch armstrong elephant that's for sure the groot slang is so popular it even

actually made an appearance in the latest final fantasy game final fantasy 15 it's like a beast that you can fight granted it's like more 90 snake i think in the final fantasy one it kind of looks like a giant cobra but interesting enough that the legend of this creature has spanned so far into the future that it's being represented in a jrpg that's wild one of the best parts about the beast itself is that according to the legends as we mentioned it's not only incredibly strong fast stealthy and powerful it's also incredibly intelligent people believe that there might be a reason why it has encased itself in this diamond cave apparently the only thing it values over killing is gems interesting i mean what the could it be doing in there it's not like trading stocks like how intelligent is this thing

the legend says that apparently you can bargain for your life in exchange for gems i guess kind of similar to you know the stories of medieval dragons okay sitting on a horde of treasure um which they value over they you know they sleep on piles of gold that possibly if you were threatened by a dragon you could maybe barter your way uh out of the situation with gold with treasures and riches where where did that come from i don't know that's gotta be like that's deep in the human unconscious this idea of a terrifying beast that is somehow intelligent enough to value the same things that we do. Yeah, it's really strange, isn't it? A bit presumptuous that a creature that is the most intelligent thing in the world would still value a shiny rock.

Yeah. Rather than, you know, being so smart that it's like i understand everything existence is merely existence the human sorry the groot slang experience is simply living each day to its fullest the groot slang experience is also the name of my band we play every tuesday and thursday down at the Wonder Hall. Which also sounds like a gig venue, to be fair. It does. If they're that smart, they should know that the real treasure is the friends,

the Grootslangs they meet along the way, rather than the shiny rocks inside the cave. Which is presumably a lot, given that they are from, and I quote, the primordial earth. It's true. It's very true. Now, we've heard stories of the Grootslang. We've seen pictures of the groot slang it's time to run through some of the groot slang's most powerful abilities please i'd love to hear it now as we know this is a super saiyan level cryptid here so there's a lot of abilities to get through i got a little powerpoint here we're just gonna blast through a whole bunch of

them questions at the end all right the groot slang the most badass cryptid of all time is gifted with enhanced smell enhanced endurance enhanced i'm so sorry i gotta stop you right off the bat enhanced from what from your regular elephant snake combo okay it's also got enhanced lung capacity why does this read like it's a jrpg character like you've been upgrading this was just one website that had a very detailed description of the grude slang okay i'll stop interrupting enhanced bite i am i'm interrupting again and that's from what a snake sure i guess it has snake teeth at the end of its elephant trunks i don't know if this person knows what enhanced means well it's pretty strong i mean at a certain point if you can maybe explode a car with your teeth that's pretty enhanced i guess it's got a enhanced flexibility which i'm gonna go ahead

and assume is the snake part yes mostly it's got enhanced hearing probably the elephant part sure big ears enhanced memory again elephant yeah enhanced intelligence apparently groot slang's possessed intelligence that is very near genius level so not genius level though so we're talking uh smart guy i don't know but not genius what's a genius to a groot slang the intelligence of a smart man just the just the intelligence of a smart man? Just the intelligence of an average scientist. No Albert Einstein. What's the Grootslang's GPA? I don't think the Grootslang is like taking an IQ test. Right.

It gets like, it can handle long division, but it can't handle that trigonometry shit. That's way beyond its pay grade. I mean, it eats elephants, which is its own head and half of it is rope it can't be that smart it's also got enhanced stealth what the groot slang possesses extraordinary skillful expertise in the ways of stealth i thought you said it crushes people's bodies up against the insides of the cave. Yeah, like a f***ing ballerina. Okay.

Like a tender little dandelion. Like a ninja. Yeah, exactly. You won't see it coming before your bones are dust, my friend. Did I mention the Groot slang has seismic sense? What does that mean? It's the nose that hears an earthquake coming? Yeah, they're able to perceive vibrations in the ground.

Well, I guess if you grew up on the primordial earth sure they also have elephant slash snake slash groot slang communication that seems i'm starting to think that this list may not be official that people are guessing this based on it being half elephant half snake when you have a population that are too afraid to even utter the name of the beast its abilities are widely debated sure but apparently according to this list groot slangs are able to communicate with fellow groot slangs and their fellow elephant there's more than one apparently even though that's a good point actually they said that only sorry to be fair i think the legend says that one grute slang escaped and then made more grute slangs jesus man

either from the fact that it is basically a demigod or from the fact that it is part snake and snakes can just lay eggs i don't think snakes have to do snakes have to have sex i don't know man i mean what's going on there animals don't but yeah most animals do they just be like twirling two pipe cleaners together there's not much going on really barely even fun to look at let alone film that's just a brief rundown of some of the groot slang's abilities just if it wasn't clear yet how powerful this creature is well i mean to be fair color me terrified this thing you've you've accurately painted a picture here that i do not want to come across yeah and luckily you won't have to unless you seek out the South African wonder cave. Which actually seems pretty shiny.

It seems pretty cool. I'm starting to think Robert Grayson was actually on to something there. Oh, hell yeah. Right? What are your thoughts, Kit, about the Groot slang? I mean, wow. This is pretty exciting. I don't know if we've ever had anything even close to this in this paranormal life.

Something, like you say say a demigod yeah something that i mean we've had potentially interdimensional sasquatches but something that reaches so far back through time that it remembers jesus on the cross it remembers the continents forming the the countries that they are today yeah uh it will not think twice about um sucking your eyeballs out of your head and crushing you up against a wall uh this is pretty terrifying stuff an omnipotent cave beast now we do have some amount of evidence in the sense that we have multiple first-hand witnesses to to everything from the beast itself to something resembling an over 100 foot snake. That's pretty compelling.

But at the same time. Great. Glad to wrap up the podcast there. I don't want to get cut off. Nice to hear that the evidence was everything that we wanted to hear. We didn't have any photographs or videos. Well, I actually showed you two pictures of the beast. Which are artist interpretations.

Well, they're pretty good artists. And they were wildly different, by the way. He was smiling in one of them. One was a family portrait. So I do not know if we have enough evidence to conclude its existence. Yeah, we don't. But as the investigator. I was going to ask you what you think.

Don't be so polite i got nothing here i showed you two pictures and read you two stories groot slang breaks through the door my liege uh there were more stories of i mean there were more stories of people who had had encounters with the groot slang but the fact that I only included two of them very briefly would kind of give you an idea of how much that evidence really would have helped the case. Not very much. There are written records of prospectors or adventurers, explorers who were around that kind of area who either mentioned it in their writing or mentioned the locals talking about it but no nothing really more than that never someone was who was like i saw the cave i was face to face with the beast i think there was someone who allegedly claims to

have made it to the wonder cave saw the groot slang and managed to quote play dead until it left him alone unfortunately the groot slang is almost a genius yeah it doesn't quite make sense if the groot slang is a genius can basically talk to snakes and elephants and also has the the stealth level of sam fisher from splinter cell it's gonna be able to vision gogs it's gonna be able to tell if you're playing dead or not yeah even if you like cross your eyes and stick your tongue out like they do in the cartoons so it's a no then it's a no let's not dance around any further it's a double no it's a good case but i don't genuinely believe that a a half snake half elephant god lives in a cave no one's ever seen before in south africa but i will say just to be on the safe side a bit like pascal's wager um i will bow down and pray to the groot slang just. Just in case. Just in case. Because why, you know,

incur his wrath for the sake of it? Exactly. When the rapture comes and the clouds part and a half snake, half elephant god comes down on a chariot made of gems, you're going to wish you took his side. All y'all will be crying and all us will be laughing.

Well, even though it was a double no thank you so much folks for listening to this week's episode of this paranormal life i thought it was worth it you know some cases you know going in aren't necessarily going to be true but when you when you find a cryptid that's that's this badass you just have to you have an obligation to how rad it is to at least dedicate a section of your time to the beast and any cryptid that we probably have investigated so far would probably get its shit rocked i'm gonna say it by the groot slang like i say we need to create some kind of paranormal style um pokemon trading card game of cryptids yeah and we're gonna make him the exodia he's gonna be

exodia it's pretty impressive because i kind of thought that you know in the blueprints of this beast they were like all right maybe we'll go half elephant half snake as like a way to kind of curve off the power of the elephant but they probably did themselves in a little bit there because the snake is actually pretty pretty insane itself you're not really doing yourself any favors with that that's like making half elephant but we want to chill it out a little bit so let's make it also half race car you know maybe that'll kind of curve off the elephant side of things and it doesn't it just doesn't it makes it fast and angry and now it's its trunk honks like a horn so even though we did investigate it and it turned out to be fake i think it was definitely uh

definitely worth our time yeah and i'm sure it'll be news to a lot of the folks out there who have probably shit their pants since the start of this episode go to the wonder cave guys you're fine nothing's ever gonna happen to you in there. Just bring us back some jewels. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of the podcast. You know, sometimes being in the paranormal world, you feel like you're all alone. You feel like you're lost in the shadows, like a ship looking for the lighthouse. And guys, we have the lighthouse.

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So thank you for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. All hail the mighty and always remember to live fast investigate and die young baby Thank you.