This Paranormal Life - #254 Did an Ancient Mummy’s Curse Sink the Titanic?

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

When Thomas Murray discovered an ancient mummy casket at a market in Cairo, he purchased it immediately without thinking about the price. As a wealthy Oxford graduate, money was no object... But the c...ost of THIS object would be more than cash. Thomas had just purchased 'The Unlucky Mummy' and very soon he would pay the priceBuy Official TPL Merch! -  thisparanormallife.com/storeSupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to bonus episodes!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmEdited by Kami TomanResearch by Amy GrisdaleIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What happens if I get possessed by an angel and a demon simultaneously? Will I ever cook the right amount of pasta? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast, where every week myself and Kit Greer sit down and investigate the world of the paranormal, whether it be a ghost, a ghoul. Sorry, are you on your phone? I just have to check the time, bud.
Starting point is 00:00:32 I'm doing the intro, man. Let me... Well, you're taking a minute. The clock says so. Okay, sorry. Whether it's a ghost or a ghoul or a paranormal beast, we come to a conclusion at the end of the podcast every episode as to whether or not that thing is truly paranormal or falsely paranormal. My name is Roy Powers.
Starting point is 00:01:00 As I said, across from me sits Kit Greer, my co-investigator. Kit, how you doing, buddy? Yeah, man. I've had a chill start to my week so far. There was a recent storm. The weather's not clearing. It's nice to see the sun shining. Just get outside, have a little walk and take it easy, you know? Sounds good, man. Sounds nice. Sorry. How are you doing? I had food poisoning for the first time in my life. Oh. I feel like you always think you've had food poisoning before until you get food poisoning. And then it becomes very clear that you hadn't had food poisoning before.
Starting point is 00:01:28 Because you know when you've been poisoned by food. Let me tell you, brother, it's been a week. Let go of my wrist. Ow, you're hurting me. Food was going out of my body at twice the speed it went into it. Which is pretty fast to begin with because you eat like a horse i eat like a man who's never seen food before i spent three days eating nothing but bread and water oh my god like a medieval f***ing peasant and even that almost killed me i had to pretend like i was in
Starting point is 00:02:02 lord of the rings just to still have a reason to live. Except in my movie, the ring got destroyed day one if you catch my drift. Okay, that's quite enough of this graphic description. How on earth did you catch this dreadful ailment? I have a few theories. It could be some sort of stomach flu that I picked up while traveling around London. Okay. It could have been maybe some milk that I picked up while traveling around London. Okay. It could have been
Starting point is 00:02:25 maybe some milk that I ingested at some point. You're being very vague. Did you have some mystery milk? It could have been the borderline pig trough full of buffalo wings that I ate at 1am on the night of the Superbowl. Okay. That I washed down with a gallon of stale beer. So why was it stale? You didn't want to celebrate the big night with a fresh beer? We played a lot of beer pong and the beer had been in the cuffs for quite a while. Okay, so to be clear, a dirty ball that was bouncing around the floor,
Starting point is 00:02:55 multiple people's hands, the beer was soaked in that ball. And it says something that I don't even think it was that. I think it was the wings. But this is unfortunately a true story I did have food poisoning it's been a ride I was telling you earlier today that it was the first time in years where I had gone five days I think without any caffeine no coffee no energy drinks nothing which is insane because Rory if you cut rory he bleeds monster energy so
Starting point is 00:03:28 i'm imagining like you off caffeine you just had developed a british accent your muscles just reduced in size you like powered on like a digimon yeah we didn't know which way it was going to swing it would either uh turn me into like a normal human being you know like basically cure me like they do in spider-man all of a sudden the voices are gone for the first time in years i i can think again i'm myself kit my friend it's been so long and then i just have like a you know it's a little bit of red bull just to get me out of bed in the morning and all of a sudden it's like, let's podcast, brother. I got to talk about aliens. Real Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde vibes.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Very true. But I'm out the other end. I'm happy to say now I have survived. I'm doing much better. Well, I'm so glad to hear it. That sounds awful. It was pretty bad. But the reason I bring it up is because, believe it or not, my seven day shit-a-thon
Starting point is 00:04:27 actually plays a big part in today's- I would ask you not to refer to it as that. And I hope that it doesn't play a big part in the upcoming episode. All right. My seven day vom-a-thon actually plays an interesting part in today's episode. Go on. Let's dive into today's case. Now, usually people would rank our episodes of the podcast by which one is the scariest, which one is the funniest, which one says the word crystal the most. But today, we have possibly a new metric.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Most deaths. Oh boy. That gives you an insight into just how terrifying today's case is going to be. Calling me terrified. Honestly, I'm actually really excited. This is an amazing story. I think it's going to be an amazing episode. So let's get into it.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Like all great paranormal stories, today's case is made of both truth and legend. Dating all the way back to 1886. We're in Oxford, where our protagonist Thomas Douglas Murray resides. Now, Thomas was your typical Oxford scholar. He's an author, an amateur archaeologist and a horse breeder, which is a fancy word for horse f***er. Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Sorry, I should clarify. As in he gets the horses to f*** each
Starting point is 00:05:48 other. Yes, you should have clarified. That's why they call it a breeder. In my head it's like when someone refers to themselves as like a sandwich artist. Or an erotic photographer. Like, you shoot porn. Say it as it is.
Starting point is 00:06:03 You make f*** the photos. tell us what it really is. After finishing his university studies, Thomas and his wealthy pals traveled across the world. But one location in particular was their favorite. Cairo. Oh, yeah. If you're an Oxford scholar, an author, a horse f***er. OK, Indiana Jones, we know author, a horse f***er. Okay. All right, Indiana Jones, we know you like a bit of Cairo. I'm sorry. I get it now. I'm the same as you. I understand now why it's called horse breeder. But, you know, you were right. And it's 1886 where the alluring culture of ancient Egypt is something that is still kind of undiscovered in the West and really like romanticized, you know?
Starting point is 00:06:47 And as discussed on a previous recent episode, the British Museum is lacking many of the stolen artifacts that are yet to come. There are many, many items around the world to be stolen at this point. The British Museum was Blather's museum from Animal Crossing and it needs fossils. It needs fossils. Like a lot of the British at the time, he and his colleagues were fascinated with Egypt
Starting point is 00:07:10 and its rich history. Together, he and his friends became regular visitors, scrambling to see every stone monument still standing and loading up on as many souvenirs as they could get their hands on. To be clear, Rory was doing quotation marks in the air as he said souvenirs. I think Oxford students are the only ones
Starting point is 00:07:30 that get to call stealing shit from other countries souvenirs. I went to Queen's University, Belfast. A souvenir from a big night in the town was a traffic cone, not an ancient mummy. Well, believe it or not, Kit, maybe you were the lucky one. Because their lust for treasure would lead them down a dangerous path. Whereas your love for the cone got you a minor criminal offense. At the very most.
Starting point is 00:07:57 But the bents? Absolutely worth it. Probably in both cases. One day, Thomas and his friends were walking through a marketplace in Cairo. All right, Thomas, this is the last market we're going to today. I've been walking for hours. Give me five more minutes, gents. I need the perfect souvenir to take back to Oxford. Just pick anything. There's hundreds of options here. Look, why not get this vase? No, no, it needs to be perfect.
Starting point is 00:08:26 Something really special. Something special, you say? The men heard a voice from a market stall at the end of the path. Don't look around. No, hey! They don't turn. Hey, you! Thomas, just keep walking. You want some weird shit?
Starting point is 00:08:42 I got what you boys want. You ever seen two horses f*** each other? Actually, we have. We do that all the time. I mean, we see that all the time. The mysterious man said, I may have what you're looking for. The men cautiously followed the stranger down a seedy side street through a warren of narrowing passageways, and eventually behind a dusty old curtain. It took a minute for their eyes to adjust to the dark, but when it did, they realized that
Starting point is 00:09:12 they were in a room full of glittering treasures. Holy smokes! Thomas, this is exactly what you were looking for! Every object here is perfect! But Thomas can't hear him. He's transfixed on an object at the back of the room. An ancient painted sarcophagus. That's it. That's what I want. What? That old thing? I'll pay any price. Anything. All right, all right. Well, there's no need to tell him that. Look, come over here. I say we lowball him with an offer.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Play hard to get. Follow my lead. My friend, we'd like to buy that dusty old sarcophagus. Now, we'll offer three British pounds or we will barter with you for as long as... Anything! Anything you want! I'll pay anything! Dammit, Thomas!
Starting point is 00:10:03 It's just quiet. Sorry. One minute, my good sir. You have a problem. for as long as... Anything! Anything you want! I'll pay anything! Thomas, stop f***ing... Quiet! Sorry. One minute, my good sir. You have a problem. This happened before, when we went for lunch and we asked if they had mimosas and they said yes
Starting point is 00:10:16 and you said you would pay anything. But it was a very good mimosa. But this isn't the point. If we lowball them, Thomas, you can actually save a bit of money. Now, I'm going to go back to the gentleman. Let's just take it slow. Try not to be impulsive. Okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:10:30 I'm sorry. You're the better negotiator. It's true. You always were. Back at Oxford, in the debates class. I'm the better horse f***er too. Don't say that in front of the strangers. That's a private members club initiation secret. You should be proud. You should be proud. You should be proud.
Starting point is 00:10:45 The way you f***ed those horses. All right. They really, they really did you proud at the Grand National that year. I pay you anything to stop talking, Thomas. Good sir, me and my friend are not fools. We don't carry large amounts of money. So we'd be willing to offer two British pounds
Starting point is 00:11:05 and my watch. Thomas. And my necklace. Do you like that? Damn it, Thomas! Your necklace is worth more than the house that the thing is in!
Starting point is 00:11:14 Just give him the f***ing watch and let's go. Joke's on him. There's no battery in that. The men eventually come to an agreement and Thomas becomes the proud owner
Starting point is 00:11:22 of his very own mummy. Now that it's in their possession, the men immediately began examining the incredible artifact. It's beautiful. The face of the object is elaborately painted with a peaceful expression. The inside of the coffin is lined with row upon row of hieroglyphics that the Oxford grads begin to translate. From what they can tell, it seems to
Starting point is 00:11:45 state that the occupant was a high priestess of an Egyptian god, the one and only Amun-Ra. Whoa. Ra himself, a servant of the very Egyptian god that many on this podcast worship. Wow, very interesting. Now, personally, if I got a sarcophagus, I would be a bit intimidated. If it turned out to be a really important one, you're like, bloody hell,
Starting point is 00:12:13 this is definitely cursed, isn't it? Whereas if it was like some peasant sarcophagus, you might be like, we might be all right here. Yeah, I guess you pulled out a shiny Charizard out of the bag. You got a real rare one. I will say, you know, it's not a pharaoh, but you have to assume a high priestess, you know, that's still a valuable find for sure. I mean, they're the ones with the direct line to the man upstairs or the many gods upstairs. I think the thing is, if you weren't important in ancient
Starting point is 00:12:42 Egyptian times, you didn't have a sarcophagus. Sure. Your remains weren't mummified. It will kind of be like unearthing a super yacht in the distant future. It's like, well, was this a multimillionaires or a billionaires? You're splitting hairs between the types of person it was. This is the kind of treasure that I think we really need for the paranormal commune. Uh, this is the kind of treasure that I think we really need for the paranormal commune. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:13:05 The coffin of a high priestess to Raya. Personally, for dramatic effects, I'd like it for a bed. I'd like to pop into a sarcophagus and sleep in it every night. I think it's one thing to drag the coffin of a priestess back into our London apartment. back into our London apartment. But I think dumping out the body so you can sleep inside of their eternal resting place is not going to make anyone happy.
Starting point is 00:13:32 And if we could just carve out the inside of it even more, like carve away at the wood so we could put in like the modern technology of an Emma mattress so it's like actually comfortable. Okay, well this thing was supposed to support a body for thousands of years. And I don't want it to be dirty and old.
Starting point is 00:13:46 So we can just like scrub away at the sides and all the ancient carvings. All right. Well, that's really not. Now you just want a box is what you want, a comfortable box. It doesn't have to be an ancient. Why does it have to be an ancient sarcophagus
Starting point is 00:13:58 if the first thing you're doing. It's a bit coffin-like though to just sleep in a box. I really think this thing is molded to, sure, not my body shape, but someone's. This is the proportions of a four-foot woman. So I don't know why you think you would have a comfortable sleep in this box. Me in the fetal position? It's probably close to a four-foot woman.
Starting point is 00:14:20 I mean, sure. If it was mine, I'd probably punch a little hole in the side so I could at least get a phone charger into the son of a bitch. Here we go. Maybe get some hue lights in there. You don't need an eye mask if you're getting locked in a sarcophagus every night. It's pitch black. That's true. You know, let's think about it. If we can get a high priest and a high priestess, that's you and me sleeping good for the rest of our lives, buddy.
Starting point is 00:14:44 This is Thomas and his friend. The old man is like, this is so offensive. Of course I'm not going to sell you the sarcophagus, you madman. As is typical of olden times Englishmen, Thomas is keen to get the valuable artifact out of its country of origin as fast as possible. It's loaded onto a boat and bound for Britain that very evening. But while the coffin is headed home, Thomas isn't quite done with his lads' holiday. The next few days, the men eat, drink and explore everything Egypt has to offer. But their trip was about to come to a tragic end.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Oh no. One day, the men were on a boat cruise of the River Nile, shooting ducks with rifles as they floated down the f***ing hell. These guys really do what they want when they want. Lovely shot! Ha ha! Good man! Thomas raised his rifle. You think that was good? Watch this, boys! Thomas lined up his shot and slowly pressed down on the trigger.
Starting point is 00:15:48 But for some reason, his shotgun malfunctioned. Oh f*** me! My hand! The gun had exploded, basically blowing off a chunk of Thomas' arm. Holy! You deserve it! You deserve it not only for pillaging Cairo, but then on your way out, shooting ducks for fun. This was on the boat ride out of Cairo. Ra was fine with all of this up to date. Until he saw you shooting birds. Ra's a bird, right?
Starting point is 00:16:17 Isn't he a bird? Or at least has a bird's head. We always f*** this up. I don't remember. It's like a bird native to Egypt, right? Yeah. Because he has like a beak sort of. Yeah, he's god of the sun. That would make a lot of sense. So that's like the ultimate insult that you could do. Yeah, he saw that and was like, all right, hold on. That's like getting the coffin for the high priestess of Donald Duck and on the way out,
Starting point is 00:16:41 just blasting a few quackers in the river. You're not going to make people happy, are you? That's called instant karma. Yeah, yeah. To be fair, this is maybe the fastest we've ever seen the wrath of a mummy enacted. Yeah, I think when we previously talked about the curse of Prince Boy Tutankhamun, I think those people died slowly over like 20 years from various illnesses. It was a little more mysterious. It was a little more poetic. It was a little more poetic.
Starting point is 00:17:05 They didn't instantly step on a Lego and fall down a set of stairs or something. The men tried to rush Thomas to a hospital, but it wasn't that simple. They were in the middle of nowhere, at least a two day journey from real civilization. And as I said, it was 1889. And as I said, it was 1889. These men were traveling by boat, which means, uh-oh, no wind, no go. I'm pretty sure. I guess rowboats. Sure.
Starting point is 00:17:33 And guess what? No hand, no row good. Well, you're not wrong there. Thomas had no choice but to grit his teeth and ride out the pain. During their return voyage, the weather took a turn for the worse. They battled the wind and waves to make it back up river, but what was already a long journey got stretched out to 10 days. Thomas is foaming at the mouth, green skinned. There is no way he is still alive by the end of this. Club him over the head like a seal.
Starting point is 00:18:13 He should not be brought back to life. You're going to wish you were dead. It would be bad enough if this was an accident just caused by human error. This is a mummy's curse. So I assume there are scorpions coming out of his ass. There's like beetles bursting out of his ears. It's, it's incredibly paranormal and inconvenient. I mean, in this, imagine these circumstances, like trying to survive that ride, trying to avoid infection and sepsis long enough to get to hospital. He's, he's lying in the baking hot sun for 10 days with an open wound. It's like leaving out a bowl of milk in the Sahara.
Starting point is 00:18:49 This isn't a comfy river cruise like Back to Civilization. This is battling a storm on the turbulent Nile. There are no options. There's probably locusts in the air, alligators in the river. You're just stuck in this one spot, hanging on for dear life. Should have stayed in Oxford, bud. Yeah, you guys had this coming for sure. By the time Thomas can be seen by a doctor, it's too late. They have to amputate his whole left arm just to keep him alive. Of course. At this point, it's time to go home.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Thomas and the gang book their passage home immediately i feel like once one of your gang on the lads holiday had their arm blown off by a gun call it a day boys go home last year we took a trip to barcelona for oh yeah your late stag do uh and it was it was like a fun skateboarding trip where you know we all brought our boards went skateboarding around the city for a few days. Great time. If at one point on the trip, someone had kickflip down a set of stairs, hit the ground and their legs exploded, I'd be like, let's head back. Let's head back. The mood has been soured.
Starting point is 00:19:59 I don't think we're going to be able to hit the bars in good conscience tonight. And you know that person would be on the easy jet flight back to London, hanging on for dear life, being rocked in the sky like it's the River Nile. Right. Hard cut to Thomas in the queue at Ryanair, stump of an arm just spitting out blood like a garden hose. And they're like, sorry, if that sarcophagus doesn't fit in your hand luggage, you can't take it on board. He's like, you've got to be kidding me.
Starting point is 00:20:28 How much is it at the gate? Sorry, mate, 50 quid. 50 quid? I'm going to stay in Cairo, thanks very much. I'd rather bleed out and die than pay 50 quid. Technically, your mummified companion does count as another passenger. So we're going to have to get them to disembark the sarcophagus and actually be booked into a separate seat.
Starting point is 00:20:45 The whole flight, there's like a mummy strapped in beside him, crumbling to dust with every ounce of turbulence. Sir, can I get you anything? A Diet Coke, bag of peanuts? And your female companion, anything? Some water, perhaps? Looks very dry. Well, Thomas and the boys begin heading back home to Oxford.
Starting point is 00:21:04 But meanwhile, the mummy's already halfway there you don't want to see that mummy at this stage it was supposed to be a nice memento over the trip this is you waking up hung over the next day and seeing the traffic cone in your living room and you're like oh for f**k's brought the... I stole a cone last night. Oh my God. He's coming back with his new prosthetic arm opening that front door and seeing this f***ing sarcophagus sitting in his hallway waiting for him to come back. The mummy, two perfectly preserved arms, by the way, almost taunting him. A few weeks later, Thomas finally arrives back at home.
Starting point is 00:21:47 In the hallway, lied the sarcophagus. Thomas is almost startled when he sees it. It had been so long since the sale, he'd almost forgotten about it entirely. He wandered up to the object, running his fingers over the detailed carvings and along its side. He can't believe he finally has one. But looking at his face, he's taken aback. The dreamy calm expression it had held when he saw it first. Looks like it's gone. Now it looks uncomfortable. Maybe even a little angry? But he's paid for it. He's ready to flaunt it off to all of his friends.
Starting point is 00:22:24 One of the first people he invites is a clairvoyant named Madame Blavansky. But as soon as she enters the house, her mood changes. She said to Thomas, I detect an evil influence from this case. I suggest you return it from whence it came immediately. Oh, that's not the reaction you want. No, you want them to come in and be like, Yo, is this the one you took?
Starting point is 00:22:49 Holy shit. Yo, so today, guys, we're unboxing this ancient Egyptian mummy. Yo, what's up? It's your favorite clairvoyant, Madam B, here in the house. We're going to be unboxing an old Egyptian mummy. Remember to smash that like button. Hit subscribe. I'm with my boy Tommy here.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Yeah, you want people to be blown away, not terrified of it, for sure. I mean, if you're this kind of arsehole, you probably want the clairvoyant to walk in and go, Ah, yes, I can feel the ancient energy emanating from this case. I think that in a previous life, you were this mummy. Sure. That's the gold standard clairvoyant reading, right? Anything less than that is a disappointment. Not to just walk in and be like, Thomas, it's so good to see you, my friend. How long has it been since we... Whoa! Whoa, whoa, what the f*** is that?
Starting point is 00:23:41 Bro, it is staring into my soul. Get home now that's not what you want because you dropped a lot of cash on that thing so you want to make sure you at least get your money's worth but also what'd you expect tommy what did you expect you bought a dead body you bought a dead body that was buried in another country dug up you. You shipped. You weren't even on the boat. You shipped it on to this place. And it just FedExed arrived at your door. You immediately invite your psychic over and you're like, is she happy? No, she's not happy.
Starting point is 00:24:17 She's pissed. Yeah, you're f***ed up by inviting a clairvoyant. You should have invited an academic or something. Someone who would have thought it was cool. Don't invite the person who talks to dead people don't get their opinion yeah because an intellectual you know they could at the very worst scold you and be like this was irresponsible you shouldn't have done that but they're not going to tell you that this thing is going to end your life it's not telling you that there's an evil presence in the house. It's a worrying start to your relationship with this mummy. Obviously, Tommy ignores the advice
Starting point is 00:24:50 of the clairvoyant. He spent some cash on this. He wants to show it off. He's going to keep it. Word of the new mummy in town spreads like wildfire. Everyone wants to see it. Why wouldn't you? It wasn't long before a journalist contacted Thomas to profile him for the newspaper. She even asked if she could borrow the artifact to help her flesh out the story. And he's more than happy to oblige. But within a couple days, there's a frantic knock on his door. Mr. Murray, I insist you take back your property this second. I can't explain it, but being near this thing, it's ruining my life.
Starting point is 00:25:28 She went on to say that as soon as the sarcophagus entered her home, misfortune struck in every area of her life. She was dumped by her fiancé, developed some sort of mysterious illness, and even claimed that her dogs went mad. Mad? I didn't even know dogs could go mad i've heard of mad dogging someone sure i haven't heard of the dogs going mad themselves i don't know if she's using it as an excuse but it's pretty bizarre for an artifact to come into your home and then your
Starting point is 00:25:56 fiance breaks up with you right his eyes glaze over completely black. I don't love you anymore. By the power of, I worship one woman, the one in the case. Can't remember her name right now, but yeah, the one in the sarcophagus, yeah. That's a lot of bad things to happen. Luckily, nothing fatal, but I can understand why if you were having a good time up until that thing came into your house, you'd want to get rid of it a hundred percent you got to work backwards what changed what habits did you change um let's let's think back what changed i got out of bed on the other side today so that was like one thing that was like it's kind of weird they didn't have my regular bread that i like at the store so i got the the brown one with like the little nuts in it
Starting point is 00:26:45 so that was like i don't know that threw me a little bit so i guess i was acting a little bit differently um thomas dragged an ancient priestess's sarcophagus and her dead body into my living room which promptly fell over and upset the dogs that that could be it now that I think about it. Because I had dreams last night about being in a tomb haunted by beetles. So that actually could be a little part in the puzzle. The nut bread, though. I couldn't eat breakfast. When I don't eat my breakfast, I don't feel right.
Starting point is 00:27:20 Her husband's like, it was the nut bread, by the way. Because you're allergic to fucking nuts. And I'm allergic to fucking nuts. So I'm getting out of here zing i do want a divorce though i know we're not married yet but i want one she's like that is that sucks to hear uh oh okay so we that was a weird time to break and have a little jokey joke because i also forgot to mention that uh her mother fell down the stairs and died. Oh, that's tragic. So that is pretty bad. That wasn't the bread.
Starting point is 00:27:51 You're allowed to... That surely wasn't the bread. She slipped on a nut and tumbled down the stairs. She went up to the kitchen and was like, something smells good. Is that the toast? And he's like, yeah yeah here you go mummy and she she saw the brown nut bread and freaked the dogs went wild she tripped and met her end there's also definitely no such thing as nut bread you know what i'm talking about it's definitely
Starting point is 00:28:20 seeds oh shit it is seeds isn't it yeah You know what I'm talking about? The f***ing nut bread. It's no bread and nuts. The one that you always. It's not a bread. My parents used to, I don't know if your parents were really strict about what bread you were allowed to eat. Not really. Mine were, they wouldn't let me eat white bread.
Starting point is 00:28:36 White bread was like a, was like a. It's dessert. Oh my God. It was the craziest thing. Like the worst bread I thought was the best bread you know when you get that bread that's like borderline cake it's so white and fluffy yeah yeah yeah yeah it's insane but my parents were like no you're gonna eat brown bread and let me tell you after the week i've had i'm a bread expert brother i'm a professional if that's my problem If I'd had a piece of bread with a nut in it
Starting point is 00:29:06 I would have been in my bathroom for hours So much as a nut would have flipped me Forget nut bread I was eating nut and butt bread It's funny you say that Because recently I think it was like my in-laws Made my wife and I toast
Starting point is 00:29:18 I think I had it somewhere Yeah And we were like We were losing our minds It was like we were on f***ing molly we were we were just like rolling hard eating this toast like this is the best toast i've ever eaten what is this and like it's white bread i was like i haven't eaten this in years it's crack white
Starting point is 00:29:38 bread slaps it slaps so hard especially you said, toast a little bit of white bread with some butter. Maybe jam if you want to go fancy, but just buttered white bread is so delicious. You just forget it. It's like every time I eat fruit and I'm like, what the f*** is this? It's because, you know, I am an ex-Londoner. You are a current Londoner. I heard someone call sourdough bread London bread recently. It's like they're like, it's the only f***ing bread you can get current Londoner I heard someone call sourdough bread London bread recently
Starting point is 00:30:07 it's like they're like it's the only f***ing bread you can get in London yeah in East London at least and it's like listen it's great I love it
Starting point is 00:30:14 it's rock hard yeah something to be said something to be said about a nice denture friendly little soft gooey bit of white bread
Starting point is 00:30:24 yeah why did that become sought after it's like oh do you want a loaf of bread it's like can i kill someone with it absolutely then yeah for sure all right that's enough bread chat for now uh her mother fell down the stairs fiance dumped her dogs went mad she's having a bad time thomas isn't a monster he just owns one. He offers his sympathy and accepts the mummy back. Kind of reluctantly though, because he hasn't had a great time with the mummy either. Yeah, he might be starting to connect the dots for the first time here. Maybe. Maybe. It's early. It is early. Coincidences happen. You know, people lose their arms all the
Starting point is 00:31:02 time. In 1886, maybe they do. Feeling uneasy about the whole affair, he decides to cut his losses and give the mummy away. Luckily, his friend Mr. Wheeler was happy to accept it. Now, there aren't a lot of details about what happened in the brief time that Mr. Wheeler owned the mummy. But all I'm going to say is he went duck hunting and gave him up a buck short. All I'm going to say is he now eats his bread through a straw.
Starting point is 00:31:28 The only information available online says that he experienced, quote, several sad reverses and died not long afterwards, broken hearted. Oh. Literally, that is all the information that you can find on what happened to him the short time he possessed the mummy. Wow. If that wasn't bad enough, rumors started spreading that even the men who transported the mummy back to England had been killed in mysterious circumstances. All right, this is getting out of hand very quickly. It's leaving a trail of death behind it.
Starting point is 00:32:01 This is what I'm talking about. Today's story may have one of the highest death counts that we've ever heard of in a paranormal case. This thing's spreading like COVID. After Mr. Wheeler's death, his sister was called into a meeting to discuss her late brother's estate. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's passing. In his last will and testament, he offered you all of his worldly possessions. The house, the ornaments, his ancient Egyptian mummy. He was mostly insistent on the latter. Like the others who came before her, she was curious about the mummy, so agreed to take it in. As a risky first move, she decided to bring the mummy to Baker Street to be photographed by a professional. Which, questionable move. In my head, that is the same as when they took King Kong off of the island
Starting point is 00:32:49 and put him on display in a monkey show and had rows and rows of paparazzi flashing him with old-timey light bulbs. It's not going to chill the thing out, is it? This thing is killing every single person it comes in contact with. So you decided to put it on the central line and take it to Baker Street. Don't take it to a major metropolitan area. Bad idea. Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:33:13 This thing obviously doesn't want to be disturbed. Don't give it its own Vanity Fair cover. Said it before, said it again. Stick it in the bottom of the Mariana Trench. They took some old-timey photos of the thing. But when the photos were developed, the pair couldn't believe what they were seeing. What should have been a photo of a delicately wrapped corpse was actually a picture of a living Egyptian woman!
Starting point is 00:33:37 Wh-what?! Apparently so! Sorry, sorry. Backtrack. So, they took the sarcophagus, pointed a camera at it, pressed click. Granted, it's the late 1800s, probably took about three hours to expose the photo. But when it did get developed, there was an Egyptian priestess standing there. No sarcophagus, no bandages. I don't know if maybe it was like a trick of the light. Maybe it was still in the sarcophagus.
Starting point is 00:34:04 A trick of the light. Maybe it was still in the sarcophagus. Okay. But what they saw allegedly was they could see the clear face of a living Egyptian woman. Now that's obviously, look, I'll admit that is one of the parts of this story that is quite hard to believe because it's very supernatural. It's one thing to say that a curse inflicted people, but to say that your camera went back in time, goosebump style, took a magical photo of someone that doesn't exist, that's a bit of a stretch for sure. And I should know, I presented an entire episode on a time traveling camera and it was a double no. So we can breeze past this paragraph, I think. Look, whether it did happen or not, this was enough for this woman
Starting point is 00:34:45 to absolutely fear the object. The next time she ran into Thomas Murray, she begged him to put the mummy where it belongs. To clarify, not Egypt. That's crazy talk, of course. But in the British Museum. That exactly, Kit.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Her idea was to donate it to the British Museum. I don't know why I genuinely didn't see that coming. I guess was to donate it to the British Museum. I don't know why I genuinely didn't see that coming. I guess that's how it got there. Yeah, they were like, we're not going to put it back in its eternal resting place. We just got it here. Put it in a glass box for everyone to gawk at.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Thomas likes the idea, and so do the people at the museum. So they happily take it off Thomas's hand and send it to an Egyptologist for examination while they prepare a room for its arrival. Finally, the exhibit was finished and ready for the arrival of the mummy. So the British Museum sent word to their expert requesting their findings. The next day, they got a letter from the expert's servant that said,
Starting point is 00:35:43 I'm terribly sorry. The master hasn't slept since the artifact entered his home. And the previous afternoon, well, he passed away. What? That's right. The experts that were supposed to investigate the mummy passed away. He, Russian sleep experiment style, stayed up for so long he died. Which is terrifying to think like you could be fascinated by something. I guess it was fascination, hopefully, and not
Starting point is 00:36:12 you were haunted by it 24-7. Well, yeah, he wasn't Egyptologist after all. Maybe this was just too fascinating. Too good a find. He's losing his mind over it honestly this list of people allegedly struck down by the mummy is endless the delivery boy that moved the coffin into the museum dies within a week as does that's rude i i'm gonna call out the mummy in this situation the delivery boy did nothing wrong well let's not call out the mummy let's not on the record we're all trying to hey mummy listen to me high priestess of Ra. Don't call out the mummy.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Hope you're listening. Hope you're listening right now. I haven't listened to the end of the story yet. I don't know where you ended up whether you are in the Mariana Trench back in Egypt
Starting point is 00:36:53 or in the British Museum but she's not listening she doesn't have ears or well she probably does but they're mummified so listen up f***er. Alright.
Starting point is 00:37:00 You've gone too far this time. We're all trying to just cut a living in London alright. That lad was probably making less than minimum wage. I don't think there even was a minimum wage you've gone too far this time we're all trying to just cut a living in London alright that lad was probably making less than minimum wage I don't think there even was a minimum wage back then and you thought he would get the death penalty
Starting point is 00:37:13 for coming near you that is a little uncalled for I will agree with you to just be like I get it you're pissed he thought it was snacks for the cafeteria it was just a giant box. I like to think he was like, he took his time on the bike. He's very gentle with it.
Starting point is 00:37:30 Like offload. It's like, here's the package that you want. I hope he wasn't delivering on a bike. So I assume it's a bike. It's a little boy, right? Maybe I just made that in my head.
Starting point is 00:37:38 Why can't he just transfer a sarcophagus on a bike? On the back of a bicycle. It's in a little red wagon out the back. And just as he's like, cheerio, I'll go on my next adventure. The mummy's like, no, you won't. A whipsaw of the curse. A clap of thunder comes down, instantly singeing him to a crisp. Yeah, I agree with you. That's a little uncalled for. the boy didn't deserve to be scorched that hard or else the high priestess sent on a bolt of lightning trying to hit the curator of the museum missing and hitting the boy oh shit i'm sorry kid oh his legs just twitching
Starting point is 00:38:18 ah jesus sorry dust in my eyes this sand i've been in this this box for ages i'm sorry kid that's on me that's on me i can't that's irreversible though you want to ride to the afterlife though look kid i can kill you now or you can fall down the stairs tonight you choose man because either one is happening a second photographer who tried to photograph the thing also died people are warned not so much as to sketch the sarcophagus i died don't exhibit it then if it's that dangerous next week they'll be telling you not even to think about it after you visited the museum if you think about it you're getting zapped right yeah don't don't look at it don't look the guests are like what why what can i do why have you put it on display if i can't look at it. Don't look. The guests are like, what?
Starting point is 00:39:05 Why? What can I do? Why have you put it on display if I can't look or think about it? Why did you tell me about it? Even the staff at the museum start complaining that they hear hammering sounds in the exhibition hall, along with mournful sobbing of a woman. That's bad. And they've already got, as discussed in previous episodes, they've already got a huge amount of ancient artifacts. So it's pretty clear what's changed since Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:39:32 And I'll say we did go on the record only a week or two ago and say that the British Museum is in fact haunted. It was a double yes. Could an artifact like this, I mean, this is a great example of something in that museum that could be causing these problems. Things eventually got so bad that the keeper of Egyptian antiquities at the British Museum, Sir Wallace Budge, had to step in. He thought maybe if he improved the mummy's living conditions, it might calm down the paranormal activity. So he moved it to an enormous display case nothing else inside
Starting point is 00:40:05 he also fixed a notice to the glass urging visitors to be respectful everything but sending it back to its original living conditions sure in egypt ticket sales are higher than they've ever been before of course so are museum deaths but you know it's a trade-off people are lining up to see the murder mummy you go in in one door, you see the mummy. And at the end of the hallway is a staircase that people just drop down. You go to see the mummy. Like, wow, that was such a powerful exhibit. Let's go check out the next exhibit.
Starting point is 00:40:35 You walk out the door. There's just a museum attendant with a gun. It's honestly easier this way. It's going to happen one way or another uh i will say this actually kind of worked paranormal activity calmed down a little bit still kind of bad at night but during the day it was okay just to give you an idea of how widespread people thought the curse of the mummy was the head of the exhibit who we mentioned sir Sir Wallace Budge, was on record for saying that the mummy caused World War I.
Starting point is 00:41:08 Okay, what? What's the logic here? He never elaborated, as far as I know. I guess he just thinks he's like, things were pretty good in old Britain before this mummy got here. Oh, so he thinks
Starting point is 00:41:22 the entire nation was cursed. Yeah, he thinks maybe this is kicking off a whole wave of misfortune. Still, not giving it up though. Because ticket sales through the roof. Is this some real butterfly effect shit? I mean, we often talk about the negative impacts of curses. What if it just keeps snowballing? What if one little curse leads to just graver and graver circumstances?
Starting point is 00:41:43 Yeah, it's like those pandemic or apocalypse movies where, you know, it's all those guys in that war room looking at a big TV and they're like, Mr. President, the mummy's curse has infected all of greater London. With our current projections, we assume the curse to spread through all mainland UK and within seven days, the entire earth.
Starting point is 00:42:05 It's like, what do you suggest, Colonel, that we return the mummy back to its place of origin? Whoa! Go on now. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ticket sales are up, Mr. President. They are through the roof. We're looking at a 3% rise from last January. I'm not going to just f***ing ship the thing back home.
Starting point is 00:42:24 The shareholders are very excited. They are excited. They're not too worried about the curse. Shareholders are pretty psyched about the mummy. They're pretty bummed about the war, but pretty psyched about the mummy. Let me say, uh, what's going on? This thing is now locked away in the British museum, but still causing havoc. I guess feeling somewhat responsible for the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Thomas Murray offers to hold a seance in the exhibit after hours to try and finally stop this thing. Thomas, you need to let your arm be a hint that you need to learn to leave well enough alone. Do not try and do a seance and stir up more paranormal activity. I seem to remember a clairvoyant took one look at the thing and pissed themselves and ran away. You don't want to talk to this thing.
Starting point is 00:43:09 It killed a boy. It killed an innocent boy just for carrying it. Don't show up with, I don't know, a crucifix and an EMF reader. I've seen The Mummy starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz. Imhotep, there's no talking to him. Sure. He is a very one-track mind, which is live again and f*** with people.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Yeah. There's not a lot of dialogue in general, so don't bother. He's not like a five-a-side football on the weekend kind of guy. He's not like a 80s trivia knight down at the local dive bar. He doesn't have a favorite fast food place.
Starting point is 00:43:45 He's pretty keen on being immortal and making the Earth's population his slaves. So don't poke that bee's nest. Just don't do it. Thomas of the Seals. If there's any spirits in here, did you watch the game last night? He instantly hit with a lightning bolt. Oh, ancient priestess, please tell us your demands. Bring me home.
Starting point is 00:44:08 What did she say? Something about good to be home. Good to be home, she said, in the good old British Museum. Bring me to Egypt. Oh, she said, shut up, you Egypt. To you, Michael, you bellend. Cairo, back to Cairo. She said.
Starting point is 00:44:29 She said, does anyone have a biro? I think the silence is over. She seems happy here. Thomas, we heard everything. Oh, very good. Oh, what's that, mummy? You want me to kill them? She stopped talking, Thomas.
Starting point is 00:44:45 We all know he's doing the voices himself. Kill them. Okay, Mummy, if you insist. Pay Thomas more money for the seance. Mummy, that's bizarre. We never even agreed on a price. You should be paid for your work, Thomas. Oh, Mummy, you're too kind.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Everyone's laughing to the room. He's just having a conversation with himself. Golly, Thomas, you're handsome. Oh, no, you're too kind. Everyone's laughing to the room. He's just having a conversation with himself. Golly, Thomas, you're handsome. Oh, no, no. The curator walks in. Who the f*** let him in here? How did he get a key? We keep kicking you out.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Everyone lock the doors when he leaves. Quickly, mummy, curse them. So joking aside, Thomas does genuinely want to have a real seance with the mummy in the British Museum. He even makes the whole thing public by involving his journalist friend, William Stead. I guess to make it feel like it's more professional, like it's an honest offer. Thomas is basically like, look, I know this guy. He's an award-winning journalist, incredible writer.
Starting point is 00:45:42 Let us come in, examine this thing, and see what's going on. Sure, see if I can sell thousands of newspapers about the great curse seance of 1889. You guys like hype? He'll write you the best hype piece you've ever heard. No, people are dying, Thomas. We need to put an end to all this. That's basically what they said.
Starting point is 00:46:02 In the end, Thomas and William were turned down by the museum. But William did likely have a hand in publishing a newspaper article detailing the mummy's curse anyway, which just, of course, fanned the flames of its legend. Isn't it weird? I mean, I can really imagine if this happened today, the valid morbid fascination with such a curse. But if you heard of such a curse, would you want to go see it yourself? Or would you be like, I'm going to stay away and read about it? I guess because the artifact is now in an institution behind glass, that would kind of fill you with a false sense of security. That's right. Where you're like, wow, the curse is over. I'm reading about it in a newspaper it's on display these are old-timey events yeah i want to go see this thing that caused this crazy suffering so yeah a lot of
Starting point is 00:46:51 these people probably don't realize that if you just take out a a camera or a sketchbook or think about this goddess you will be smout where you stand. A terrifying prospect. Would you go see it? Yes. Even knowing that you might be cursed? You might have some curse inflicted upon you? I don't know. I'm being glib. I don't know, actually.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Really hard to say. I mean, in general, though, are you superstitious about these kind of things? No, not in the slightest bit. Right. I mean, but this is the ultimate test, isn't it? You know, you might walk under the ladder. I'll tell you what, though.
Starting point is 00:47:27 I do think twice sometimes about walking under ladders. Really? But I think about it. It never stops me. I always override by just going like, nah, that's dumb. I'd do it. But for a second, I'll be like, I'll think about it. I guess because it's like, that's a very small inconvenience in life. To just, it's like, I might as well go around the ladder.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Exactly. Because it's just like two extra feet to one side but then i feel like a fool if i do that i'm like you idiot walking under a ladder is gonna curse me what a pile of nonsense so then i'll walk underneath it and then i'll go back i'll jump back and forth a few times to just be like you universe because we talked before about uh the voodoo dolls it was like it's all fun talked before about the voodoo dolls. It was like, it's all fun and games. So the voodoo doll is in your house and you're citing the incantation with a candle and you're like, actually, maybe I don't feel so hard about the voodoo doll. Yeah. In that
Starting point is 00:48:15 case, it's like, maybe it's real. Maybe it isn't. Why would I gamble on this? Exactly. I'm not going to about with the doll, the mummy, maybe, maybe I'm on the fence. I think it's known as, roughly, as Pascal's wager. The philosophical theory that if believing in God gets you into heaven and not believing in God doesn't get you into heaven, you might as well just believe in God. Yeah, if that's the only criteria. If it's that simple. It's true.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Don't go see the mummy. If the mummy can curse people, whether it can or not, why go see it? Exactly. From that point onward, nothing really changed. The mummy and this bizarre sarcophagus stayed locked away inside the British Museum. Thomas went back to his normal life and William, his journalist friend, continued his award-winning work. He was actually so successful that he was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. So in 1912, he made his way to America by invitation of President William Taft. Wow, that's insane. He was a first-class passenger on a luxury ship, so the journey
Starting point is 00:49:18 was incredibly relaxing. One evening, he found himself by the bar, smoking cigars and chatting with a group of gentlemen. They're all posh and rich, so naturally, they start trying to one-up each other's stories. Eventually, the conversation turned to William. Racking his brain, one story in particular came to mind. Well, well, gentlemen, if you think your story is crazy, I know this chap back in London called Thomas, who bought a sarcophagus from Cairo. He loaded the sarcophagus onto a ship, and I swear to God...
Starting point is 00:49:52 He told them the whole story. The mysterious deaths, the crying at night in the museum, every gory detail. And that night, April 15th, 1912, disaster struck. That boat that he was on, Kit, was the Titanic. Oh! April 15th, 1912. Disaster struck. That boat that he was on, Kit, was the Titanic.
Starting point is 00:50:09 Oh! Oh my God! What a twist! The twist of the century. That is why the death toll for this mummy is higher possibly than any case we've investigated. Wow. I mean, so you're saying not only should you not photograph the mummy, not only should you not sketch it, not only should you not think about it,
Starting point is 00:50:32 even uttering a sentence of its story will cause death for thousands. This is so rude because William and Thomas weren't even allowed to hold the seance and they were still punished for it. They didn't even allowed to hold the seance and they were still punished for it. They didn't even do the offensive thing. And the mummy's like, well, you tried, you tried. And that actually pissed me off. You thought about it. Boom, your ship's going down. This is a real thing. A lot of people believe that the mummy was behind the sinking of the Titanic. Now, in some stories, the details are different. Some people claim that the mummy was actually smuggled on board the ship and was being brought
Starting point is 00:51:10 to America so that the mummy was actually on board of the Titanic when it sunk. Well, hold on. That's strange. So do we not know where the mummy is today? That's a very interesting question, which we're going to address almost immediately. But the insane part about this crazy claim that the mummy caused the sinking of the Titanic is, it's really one of the few parts of this story that is kind of true. Thomas did get his journalist friend William involved. William actually was on the Titanic when it sunk. Allegedly, reports from survivors say that they heard William talking about the mummy before the ship went down. And when it sunk. Allegedly, reports from survivors say that they heard William talking
Starting point is 00:51:45 about the mummy before the ship went down, and when it did crash, he simply escorted women and children to the lifeboats before going back into the first class smoking lounge to read a book. Wow, that's dark. As soon as he told the story about the mummy, he was like, my fate is sealed. Get to the life raft rafts i'm gonna have one last glass of bourbon as soon as he mentioned it in his mind the the the roulette wheel of his life flashed in front of him and it was black and not red he realized it was all over instantly what could he have done the gentleman put him in a corner they all had amazing stories so i think he kind of was just like all right you guys want to play this game?
Starting point is 00:52:25 All right, we're going down together. I knew a mummy. I knew a mummy and now we're all going to die. I love, I mean, it's depressing, but I love the resignation of like, he's like, there's no point in even trying to escape the mummy's clutches. If I get in that lifeboat with you, we're all going down. Yeah. So I'm just going to help you all
Starting point is 00:52:45 along your way. Don't think about the mummy for the love of God. When you're in that little lifeboat, don't think about its beautiful face. They're like, what mummy? That's you're right. That's right. Keep going, junior. Yeah. One gentleman is like, what mummy? The same one you mentioned earlier in the, damn it, Charles, you're dead get out of the lounge you're going down with me it seems like even mentioning the name of this thing
Starting point is 00:53:08 guarantees you certain death at some point great so good to know for us researching this episode I had not thought of that and to everyone
Starting point is 00:53:16 listening at home who's you thought about it don't think about it anymore you thought about it much like much like the British Museum itself really for us
Starting point is 00:53:24 the only logical and ethical thing to do here would be to realize our error and delete this episode, never release it. Sure. But much like the British Museum, downloads are up. I will say. I think this episode will hit. I gave this one a pretty click-baity title. So, yeah, sure, we're bringing a lot of new people in the door.
Starting point is 00:53:43 Sure, a lot of them are going to suffer the wrath of the mummy's curse but downloads are up you can't you can't argue with that up two percent from the last episode it seems like william talking about the mummy on his boat really pissed it off because that same year it finally came for thomas murray who sadly passed away after that the story gets kind of messy. Some people say the sarcophagus was loaded onto a boat that was going to America that sank. As I said, others said it was actually on the Titanic. But the truth is a little less exciting and a lot more surprising. More surprising than it sank the Titanic? I should have reworded that. That's, yeah, that's not a... Well, actually, no, it is pretty exciting.
Starting point is 00:54:25 More surprising and less shocking. Let's say that. It was actually on the Hindenburg. It shot JFK. I swear to God. The mummy shot JFK. He thought about me. He read an article about me and he thought about me.
Starting point is 00:54:39 The mummy getting handcuffed, slammed onto the front of a police car. The f***ing dude uttered my name. What was I supposed to do? Just not assassinate him? In 1934, Wallace Budge, who we mentioned earlier, issued a statement saying, not only did the mummy not sink in the Titanic, there never was a mummy. Huh? He said, what they have in the British Museum is only the case.
Starting point is 00:55:03 The coffin was always empty. The occupant never left Egypt. What? Really bizarre. And I did look into this because Wallace Budge was the one who was on record for saying the mummy caused World War I. Right. But his actual quote said that the mummy case caused World War I. Interesting. He never acknowledged the existence of an actual mummy inside of the mummy case caused World War I. Interesting. He never acknowledged the existence of an actual mummy inside of the mummy case. All right. Now we're getting into the weeds of this here thing. I mean, if the case is cursed, is it the mummy exacting the curse or is it just the curse? The curse has been set and the curse does its work. Yeah. But it seems to be AOE,
Starting point is 00:55:43 the area of effect seems to be around the case, not the mummy. Granted, back in Cairo, things could be kicking off that we don't even know about. But it seems to be kind of affecting people around the case. It kind of makes sense. I mean, these curses are often inscribed into the walls of the tomb, into the case itself. They don't like tattoo the curse onto the mummy's skin. Yeah, it's true. It's like he who, you know, I mean, to be fair.
Starting point is 00:56:09 Yeah, if you enter. Defile this tomb or whatever. It's like the tomb or defile this resting place. You suffer the curse. Very interesting. Yeah. And sure, if there was no mummy in the British Museum, that would mean that there really technically isn't a mummy's curse.
Starting point is 00:56:24 But it may surprise you kit to know that the same year that Wallace Budge made this statement to the press, the mummy killed him. Oh, he died from a mysterious illness. I'm pretty sure. That's right. We're back to it's the mummy.
Starting point is 00:56:38 The mummy did it. The mummy claimed it. That's a conspiracy that people believe is maybe they were covering their own tracks. They were like, we don't have a mummy. mummy all right there never was a mummy and even the guy who says that dies they like drew straws to be like all right who is the poor soul who has to go out and talk about the mummy you're gonna die by the way because we have the mummy and she's pissed that we're saying that she doesn't exist and um wallace here drew the
Starting point is 00:57:06 short straw and had to go out this is very interesting it's very believable that there wouldn't actually be a mummy it feels like almost all of these famous ancient egyptian spots it seems kind of obvious when you think about it but so many thousands of years have passed since they were first buried that dozens of generations of grave robbers have been looting these tombs yeah and uh they probably cracked open the sarcophagus took all the jewels and uh chucked the old bones in the desert sand and left the sarcophagus and then thomas comes along and thinks he's the first person never find it i mean he didn't even find it in a tomb he found it in a marketplace yeah there you go so it's very likely that it was discovered maybe with a body inside and they
Starting point is 00:57:49 were like, we can sell the body and sell the case separately. Why won't we do that? Yeah. He just kind of got the decorative outsides. The British Museum stands by the statement, even to this day, that there is no mummy. there was no mummy. It is simply the case. They've been saying this for the last 90 years. The unlucky mummy, as it's referred to very confusingly. Unlucky is a very passive word for what has unfolded. Yeah. And also you just said it's not a mummy.
Starting point is 00:58:19 You said it was a mummy case, but they refer to it as the unlucky mummy. And they say that it currently resides in case 21 of gallery 62 of the british museum i do appreciate that today's case has been a trip through history a lot of it accurate but a lot of it speculation offering up very little in the form of evidence big pregnant pause there so obviously what i thought i would do the most noble thing i could do would be to offer up my own soul i live in london i live a short ride from the british museum why don't i go down there and investigate this thing myself great idea bud as long as i don't have to go knock yourself out so as soon as i finished researching this case i got everything i needed ready to break into the british museum and hunt
Starting point is 00:59:10 this son of a bitch down why break in you could just visit normal visiting arms not with the kind of shit that i want to do to this mummy all right wow i packed up my bags got ready to go. And two days before I venture to see this artifact, I get struck down with a mysterious illness. For the first time in my life, kid, I get food poisoning. Is that a coincidence? The one time I want to go see this cursed mummy, I am bedridden, pooping my organs out of my body. A 24-hour vomathon.
Starting point is 00:59:44 Nothing to do with the buckets of ping pong ball infested chicken at the Super Bowl party. Nor the, I'm going to guess, 15 to 18 beers drunk that night. Many, many more. Yeah, of course, that was something that happened. But I've done that on many an occasion and woken up pretty fine. But the one time I did, thinking about that sweet, sweet mummy. I get food poisoning. I get a mysterious illness and it lasted for much longer than food poisoning usually lasts for. But hey, it's day number six of me leaking fluids. I'm
Starting point is 01:00:20 starting to feel a little bit better. Maybe I can muster up the strength to finally go across London and check this thing out. I've got one day left until I have to fly back to Northern Ireland. Why don't I go see this thing? What happens? The storm of the century. I woke up that morning. I had a ticket booked to go to the museum that night. And the mayor of London has to issue a warning to the residents to stay home over risk of dying because people are getting killed on the streets. The storm is that bad. I don't think anyone got killed in the streets, by the way.
Starting point is 01:00:55 It was like something out of the mummy. A sandstorm out of nowhere. There was no sand. Came across East London. It was wild. I swear to God, I took a screen, because I thought this was so insane. I took a screenshot of like some of the updates that they were talking about in the news. The timing was pretty choice.
Starting point is 01:01:16 It's true. There was a wind gust of 122 miles per hour, which was the highest gust ever recorded in England. On the morning, I was just trying to get to the museum to see the mummy. I was Thomas. I was struggling for my life. Gangrene was setting in. I was vomiting and shitting everywhere in a sandstorm. The mummy did not want me to go see it. And literally, I think that my own experience alone is more evidence that I could ever provide for this podcast. Very interesting. So you think that the curse of this mummy case lives on to this day, affecting anyone who thinks about it for too long? Now I will say on the record, listen up, mommy, that has not deterred me. And as soon as I get back to London, I will plan another trip to go to the museum and see this son of a bitch myself. Wow.
Starting point is 01:02:13 Strong words. Sure. I might have a couple of chicken wings beforehand in the night just to like protein, get that protein, a couple of beers, take the edge off. Don't. But I'm going to be fine and I'm going to go and I'm going to see it. I just think it's a little strange that the one week I plan to see this thing, I get a beers take the edge off don't but i'm gonna be fine and i'm gonna go and i'm gonna see it i just think it's a little strange that the one week i plan to see this thing i get a mysterious illness
Starting point is 01:02:29 and the biggest storm england has ever seen ravages the city it's not a mysterious illness you were just one of the many millions of americans shitting their brains out after the super bowl uh i agree it's very interesting i mean this is this should be interesting to follow uh for our listeners because if your logic is correct rory will be dead by the time of release of this episode yeah there's a high chance uh if i am not dead i will i will vlog my travels i will do like a little video that we will put up on our socials. So follow us and follow us on YouTube as well.
Starting point is 01:03:09 This Paranormal Life on YouTube. I will upload a video of my journey to prove that either I am alive and it is safe or it's paranormal and I'm probably going to die soon. I would like to absolve us right now of legal
Starting point is 01:03:25 liability for anyone who wants to go see this thing. Yeah, very much so. See the mummy at your own risk. Yeah, we're not advocating seeing the mummy at all. I admit it is kind of annoying because originally when I wrote this script, I was like, hey, I'm going to go see the mummy myself. That will help me make the choice as to whether or not it is paranormal. If I can see this thing, look at it, maybe even sketch it without any repercussions, I could say, no, it's not paranormal. But if I did have misfortune, I would say, yes, it is paranormal. Unfortunately, I didn't even get to see the thing because the wrath was enacted upon me before I even left my apartment. It's a hard one to come down on today. Rory was living in the Truman Show and the mummy was pulling the strings.
Starting point is 01:04:09 He's trying to walk down a street and the mummy is putting obstacles in his way. Whoa, bud, you can't go down there. Not towards the mummy. It was like Inception. The mummy was bending the road up at a 90 degree angle. I was trapped in my little East London apartment. Look, I appreciate that this is a big story, but hell, what a story, right? What a journey through history. I feel like Indiana Jones himself just getting to blow the
Starting point is 01:04:37 dust off an old, old text. I just sink my teeth into it. It was great. It was a great story. Well done. Well done to you and to Amy, I'm sure for investigating this one. I love these stories that are chronological or start to finish a very amazing linear journey following some sort of cursed object. And I love these stories that are somewhat, you know, placed in history and we get to go on this journey um it is unfortunately as i said a shame we didn't get to go see it ourselves but stay tuned folks i will make that journey unfortunately we don't have the luxury of doing that before we need to come down on a conclusion as to whether or not this this thing is truly paranormal the m's are the rules i will say from what I've researched, whether or not at some point the mummy was taken
Starting point is 01:05:27 out of the mummy case, I believe what they have in the British Museum is the case. There is no mummy. Also from what I've read, obviously a lot of what we heard today is, you know, from the late 1800s, early 1900s, where people were almost like drumming up stories to build hype around certain objects or events or exhibitions this was the buzzfeed of his day it was so i think a lot of historians kind of they enjoy the history uh and the lore behind the mummy but ultimately a lot of them agree that i mean a lot of historians looking at the case are like that's not even a the case of a priestess they had no they had no clue what they were talking about these little like oxford boys that's a toilet roll dispenser that's an ancient
Starting point is 01:06:14 egyptian toilet roll dispenser that's an egyptian outhouse there's mummified shit in the bottom of the case but this isn't a mummy thomas was drunk off his ass shot himself in the arm thought it thought his left hand was a duck they never left shortage by the way they were drifting down the london canal shooting ducks drunk on chardonnay he thought a discarded five liter can of heinz beans was a sarcophagus. So yeah. So look, I'm happy to take the lead today. Uh, I think from what I have discovered researching this case, love the story, but until I see this thing myself, it's going to be, you know, uh, this very grownup of you, very idiotic to incur the wrath of the mummy by not believing in it uh but i i i hasten to add i
Starting point is 01:07:07 pretty much agree i feel like with all these generally fascinating mummy curse stories there's always kind of a degree of inconsistency isn't there there's always a little bit of molding the truth much like you mold that that deliciously comfortable sarcophagus that I'm going to use as a bed to the body of a mummy. They have to move the truth to make it fit. You know, why on earth would the mummy only take Thomas's hand when it would strike down a delivery boy? There's a variation in how the curse behaves over time. And so I agree. I don't think we have enough to go on here. I'm going to say it's a variation in how the curse behaves over time. And so I agree. I don't think we even have to go on here.
Starting point is 01:07:47 I'm going to say it's a no today. Yeah, I think there's a lot of events happening that people are quite forcibly linking to the mummy. I mean, even the Titanic sinking. The journalist who was on the Titanic didn't even do the seance. I don't even know if he saw the mummy, but just because he had some distant relation,
Starting point is 01:08:04 they were like, mummy curse. Mummy curse sank the whole ship, which seems bizarre. But I do love the story. I think it is a great one. I can't believe we hadn't come across that one earlier because it's an absolute banger. You're so true. I'd never heard of such a thing. Wow. What a story. What a journey. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of this paranormal life guys if you do want to check out that mummy video it's going to be priority number one when i get back to london i'm basically going to go from gatwick airport straight up to the british museum swing my luggage destroy the glass, and take that son of a bitch back with me to my apartment. So check it out.
Starting point is 01:08:48 As I said, follow us on YouTube at This Paranormal Life. We'll be posting videos. And follow us on our social media as well. We are on Twitter at This Paralife and on Instagram. Check it out. And as always on Patreon.com, we have an amazing selection of bonus content that you can get for as little as five bucks a month.
Starting point is 01:09:08 So check it out. There is some great stuff on there. Oh yeah. Thank you once again for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. Don't think about the mummy. Don't sketch it. Don't sketch the mummy. You shouldn't have even listened to this episode.
Starting point is 01:09:22 You guys are borderline gonna, at best, get violent diarrhea. I hope even listened to this episode you guys are borderline gonna at best get violent diarrhea i hope you listen to this on the toilet you might as well go buy some wings and a few beers while you're at it make like rory and just just ride out the week it's not too bad you're gonna be fine you'll be feeling you'll be feeling good and healthy for next tuesday and a brand new paranormal tale.

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