This Paranormal Life - #284 The Broad Haven UFO - Children Run From ‘Orc-Like’ Creature

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

In 1997, the local children of Broad Haven Primary School claimed to have seen a strange, metallic disk hovering near the playground. Little did they know, they had just become wrapped up in what para...normal investigators would call the ROSWELL of Wales. Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Can we invent a magnet that attracts luck? Are trampolines technically anti-gravity machines? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello everyone and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week myself, Rory Powers, and the gentleman sitting across from me, Kit Greer-Molvena, investigate a brand new paranormal tale, case, claim, or beast and come to a conclusion as to whether or not it truly is paranormal. Thanks for calling me a gentleman.
Starting point is 00:00:40 Finally getting the respect I deserve. You know, I haven't seen you in a while. I feel like it's been a little while. I just got back to Northern Ireland four hours ago and we've hopped straight into the studio. I like this. No f***ing about. No friendship, no pleasantries.
Starting point is 00:00:57 I just opened the door, shoved a microphone into your hand and said, shut it, except don't. When I hit record, don't shut it. Obviously talk. I said, it's actually really when i hit record don't shut it obviously talk i said it's actually really good to see you again because my mom is ill that's the reason she's just not well okay okay but oh this is gold this is gold it's not gold it's really it's bronze or tin it truly is it's not a good thing the truly is. It's not a good thing. The news is not golden. No. Well, one thing that I wanted to make sure of was that I was high energy for today's podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:32 I feel like maybe in the few recent episodes, you know, we've done some after live shows, we've done some back to back and I haven't been bringing that raw Rory Powers energy to the podcast. Right, the raw Rory Powers energy, yeah. So I'm chugging a Monster right now. Sure, I had about three hours sleep last night because I had to get the red eye over to Belfast City Airport. It shouldn't be a red eye. It's a one-hour flight.
Starting point is 00:01:57 And you got here at 1 p.m. I think we both know I don't know what a red eye flight means. That's where you smoke weed and fly from Glasgow to Manchester, I think. No, I've had three coffees today and this is my first energy drink. And I'm buzzing. I'm buzzing. Let me tell you, I'm excited to dive into some paranormal stories. Well, can the energy for a second because I'm a gentleman.
Starting point is 00:02:22 You know, there's been a lot of royal coverage, obviously, with the sad news in the UK. So I've been feeling inspired by the royal family myself. Have you? Being a bit more gentlemanly, a bit more, as you can see, Rory, I'm wearing a collar. Yeah. I don't know when the last time you saw me wearing a collar was. I didn't want to bring it up, but it's not really a... And the pocket watch, what do you think?
Starting point is 00:02:43 Yeah. Is it becoming of me? I don't know what that means. It's, you know, it's a look. It's something really a... And the pocket watch, what do you think? Yeah. Is it becoming of me? I don't know what that means. It's, you know, it's a look. It's something, all right? We're excited to do a podcast. Before I dive in, though, I do want to tell you a funny story about what happened to me at the airport this morning, very briefly.
Starting point is 00:02:58 Okay. I, as I said, I didn't get in a lot of sleep. I've been spending a lot of time in airports recently flying around. So I've reached a certain level of just casualness kind of going through security. So I went through security today, put my bag in the little tray, scanned it through, came out the other side and was waiting for my bag, waited a little bit longer. Nothing was happening. Waited for my bag again. Then I look up and see my bag has basically lodged itself like that boat in the Suez Canal. It's jammed sideways
Starting point is 00:03:34 so that it is now obstructing the entire line of other bags. Which automatically sets off a terrorist detector. The staff at London City Airport began unloading 9mm pistols into your backpack. Brother, if the terrorist alarm wasn't going off already, it was about to with the dumb shit that I pulled. I forgot where I was and what I was doing. So I stood on a chair and leant over the plexiglass and pulled my bag basically. What are you doing? I don't know what the f*** I was thinking.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Basically pulled my bag from the it needs to be searched area to the everything's fine area. What is wrong with you? I have no idea. How are you alive? It was one of those moments where like I was kind of in autopilot and then all it took was a woman to just be like, hey, sir. Full LAX TSA vibes. Sir, sir. Like hand hovering on the holstered gun.
Starting point is 00:04:35 And like I immediately snapped to and realized what I'm doing. Like it looks like I'm basically trying to steal my bag from the security check. Right. At best, steal your own bag. At worst, grab a bomb. And then the woman started freaking out. All the staff kind of like turned on me. All of a sudden, I'm sweating bullets. Maybe I am a terrorist.
Starting point is 00:04:56 And I got fucking Manchurian candated or I'm like the Winter Soldier or some shit. It was insane. They had to call over the manager who didn't know what to do because, quote, this had never happened before. I was stuck at the security line for ages. Well, especially, you know, not to bring it up again, but London City Airport is a very gentlemanly airport. It is.
Starting point is 00:05:22 I've gone through their borderline with backpacks, accidentally stuffed full of fireworks, pen knives, and illegal drugs. And you basically just walk through. If the alarm goes off, you just doth your cap and they say, good day, sir, and hand you your bag. And they don't search it or anything. So the high bar is there to really piss off the security. It's true. You don't need to scan a boarding pass to get on the flight. You just use a man's word. Right.
Starting point is 00:05:50 It's kind of a gentlemanly agreement. It's like, do you have a ticket? I do, sir. All right, on you go. Very well, be on your way. Yeah, so I definitely was sticking out like a sore thumb as this insane man-child trying to grab his Lightning McQueen suitcase from the security rack. Well, I'm glad to see that you live to tell the tale, Rory, after that frankly insane stunt.
Starting point is 00:06:13 It's true. You know, when alarms start going off when I'm in the airport, welcome to the life of a paranormal investigator, bud. We get heckled. We get chased out of countries. I've got so many passports. They're like fucking Pokemon cards to me. We both have those Jason Bourne suitcases with every currency, every passport, and every type of McDonald's cheeseburger available in the world. Yeah, our trench coats aren't exactly metal detector friendly. They're made of metal. They are made of metal. They are made of metal.
Starting point is 00:06:45 It's lead. Of course. Vampire tries to sink its nashers into you. You're going to need a metal trench coat. But hey, look, that's enough silly chat at the start of the podcast. I made it here. I'm excited. I'm at full energy.
Starting point is 00:06:58 And I'm ready to dive into an incredible paranormal tale. Let's see it, Rory. Kit, hold on to your nuts, because you're about to bust them. Don't talk to a gentleman that way, all right? I didn't think through that sentence before I started it. You're so tired. All right, let's dive in.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Let's dive in. Today's episode takes place in West Wales, specifically in Broadhaven, Pembroke, on the country's southwest tip. The year was 1977 on the 4th of February. And like most Februaries, it was wet, grey and rainy. That does sound like Wales. I'm imagining that this is one of those places that despite the frankly rocking year where in places like London and New York, you know, it was Led Zeppelin,
Starting point is 00:07:50 f***ing Jimi Hendrix shredding on guitars on every street corner. This is one of those places that the 70s didn't reach. Still black and white photos. Still children running along playing poo sticks in the street. Down in the town, the pupils of Broadhaven Primary School were sitting at their desks, patiently waiting for playtime. For our American friends, that's called recess. Now, regarding our test on triangles, most of you also got question three wrong, too.
Starting point is 00:08:23 The answer was isosceles triangle, whereas many of you wrote screw you. All right, all right, head out for break, but then we're getting right back to triangles. Despite the drizzle, the children scurried outside to play. As I said at the start of this episode, the year was 1977. These kids are playing old school games. Okay. Marbles, hopscotch, punch the nerd, piggy in the middle, kick the nerd, murder the nerd. One large group of boys were playing football in the rain at the edge of the playground, sliding about in the mud. But soon, their carefree laughter faded.
Starting point is 00:09:06 One of the boys spotted something strange. There was something beyond the walls of the school. Several students had stopped in their tracks to see what it was. Behind a large patch of trees and shrubs, there was an object, tucked away behind the vegetation. Not paranormal yet. Could be a horse or a very large donkey. On top of the object was strange pulsing lights. Okay, it's not a horse or a donkey, I don't think. Could be a
Starting point is 00:09:35 police donkey. We don't know. Some sort of siren on top. Why do I think it's gonna be something paranormal? Ladies and gentlemen, this was not a donkey. It was a textbook UFO. Oh, shit. That we're dealing with here. That's right.
Starting point is 00:09:50 We're not f***ing about the start of this story to say, oh, we saw a little object in the woods and it might have been this or it might have been that. Eat all, bitch. This thing is a donkey-shaped cigar from Mars. Now, this isn't the first time where we've had a story where kids at school encounter a UFO. No way. And unfortunately, like a lot of those other stories we investigated, this craft is just the tip of the iceberg.
Starting point is 00:10:18 Yeah, I mean, it makes sense, honestly, that kids see UFOs with this frequency because us adults, we're too busy living the rat race heads down yeah dj tiesto pumping in our eardrums to frankly give us the energy to get through a work day whereas kids they got nothing on they're looking up at the sky also if you're a being from another galaxy and you're like i'm'm going to go check out these humans. Go for the little young ones, like the little baby ones that can't hurt us yet. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:50 So you think they're just being tactical. Yeah. If I was hypothetically in a zoo at night and I had to slash wanted to fight a monkey, would I go for the gorillas? No, I would go for the small baby monkeys and throw them about like a rag doll. You're a bad person and you shouldn't.
Starting point is 00:11:17 The children all gathered to see what was happening in the forest. Look, what's that beside the craft? The children gathered round to stare at an enormously tall figure What was happening in the forest? Look, what's that beside the craft? The children gathered round to stare at an enormously tall figure standing beside the UFO. This is moving very quickly. Like the kids have accepted it's a craft. Yeah. They've moved past that.
Starting point is 00:11:38 They've got on board with it. Yeah. Yeah. Things are moving quick. The craft isn't so weird anymore because there's a nine-foot f***ing lizard man standing beside it. The figure was dressed in a silver spacesuit and it just stood there watching the kids from a distance. All right, keeping an eye on this guy.
Starting point is 00:11:56 There is a chance that we are witnessing the arrival of mankind's greatest fear, some sort of intergalactic nonce. I didn't want to say, but... Space pedo. I'm glad that you suggested they would come for the children merely because they're easier to pick on and not because they're pedos. It's true, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:18 The fact that that never jumped to my mind is a good sign. Now, these kids are smart. They know all about stranger danger. And it doesn't get much stranger than this. Sure, sure, sure. So they ran inside, desperately searching the halls, trying to find any teacher that would listen. And of course, the teachers didn't listen.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Because as we've said many times on the podcast before, children are liars. Liars and cheats. I'd say that I could trust them as far as I can throw them, but some of the little ones you can throw pretty far. That's why children aren't allowed into casinos, by the way, because they're little cheaters. Little cheaters and liars, and they can't handle their drink.
Starting point is 00:12:56 The teachers didn't believe a word they were saying. What's all this nonsense? Spacemen? Flying saucers? If you wanted to come in from the rain and learn more about triangles, you should have just said. They don't. They do not want to just learn about triangles. They just had a earth-shattering discovery. The children kept trying to argue that they were telling the truth,
Starting point is 00:13:19 but it was no good. Not a single teacher believed their claims. On the other hand, though, all of the kids believed the story. It was spreading across the school like wildfire. One kid, David Davis, decided that he would go out and investigate himself as soon as school was done. So when the final bell rang, he bolted out towards the woods to see if the other kids were telling the truth. As he headed towards the trees, there was a sudden movement that stopped him dead in his tracks. Right there in front of him was a metallic silver object.
Starting point is 00:13:55 It was Predator. He turned off his cloak of invisibility and strung up per David Davis on a tree. Turns out human spinesines they all look the same so that's why they went for the kids isn't that what predator wants spines or head skulls and spines yeah something like that this object was as long as a bus maybe bigger but instead of sitting there on the ground it was now flying in the air. It hovered, humming loudly. It seemed as if it was trying to climb higher in altitude, but was somehow stalling in midair.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Bad teachers. To blindly assume that the children are lying when there is a Boeing 747 shaped like a donkey humming with a jet engine in the playground. How do these children, how is there not one teacher who's supposed to look over the kids outside and saw this thing? Look, this could be a classic case of boy who cried wolf.
Starting point is 00:14:53 We don't know these kids and the relationship they have with the teachers. Maybe yesterday they said there was a ghost in the halls. Maybe the day before that, they said they saw Bigfoot in the playground. Yeah, David Davis has been crying wolf about space nonsense for about six months. Teacher, teacher! There's a Pee-Doo from the moon! All right.
Starting point is 00:15:13 That's just the caretaker. Get back to class. His name's William. Leave him alone. He's just very pale. Eventually, the craft gave up, dipping down behind the tree line and disappearing. David is probably standing there now like, great. Didn't need to see that. My life's f***ed now. I am obviously not going to be a normal human being. That was a huge mistake. So he went straight home
Starting point is 00:15:46 to think about what he saw. So sobering. He went straight home and made himself a stiff drink from his dad's drink cabinet. As he walked home, he passed a group of his friends who were all planning on heading out to the woods to hunt for the UFO again. Hey David, want to come and look for aliens with us? David didn't even stop walking. No, and you shouldn't either.
Starting point is 00:16:13 I'm going home. You should do the same. He's really getting on like the alien told him that he's going to destroy the Earth in three days. Like he knows the truth and no one else does yeah too much was exposed yeah to david i expose a weird word we did there's no exposure of the the truth of the knowledge of the universe not the genitals of the beings of the universe even if there was a buddy there beside you, you'd have someone to talk to about it. Okay. That was weird. Did you see that? What was that? Let's talk about it. Whereas he just saw
Starting point is 00:16:50 this by himself. It's the dog in Yeezys. You just can't, you can never bring that up or tell anyone or else your life is now permanently derailed. It's like in the psychedelics world, because these days, you know, we've got like amazing trials out there that are happening where doctors are now giving patients things like LSD to try and cure depression. Yeah. But one of the things they've realized about blasting people with psychedelics is almost the most important step is all the what they call integration that needs to be done afterwards. It turns out that if you just blast someone's brain with LSD, you just pop the hood on a UFO and showed them the alien inner workings of a galactic multidimensional language and then just told them to get back to their regular life. Whereas they find that they need to go, okay, you probably saw some pretty nuts stuff over the last 12 hours. Let's talk about it. Let's try and make sense of it. Exactly. I feel like that's what David Davis
Starting point is 00:17:49 is missing here. He just saw the three-headed face of God appear out of a giant donkey, and he doesn't really know what to do with that information. He's 10. I don't even know if he's ever left Wales before. Seeing something like this would blow your mind. You're right. He is now a man. He's been transformed in seconds. The other kids were a little bit confused with his reaction, but that didn't stop them. They pushed on towards the site the craft had been spotted, hoping to get some answers.
Starting point is 00:18:23 But of course, children have tiny legs, and by the time these kids arrived back at the site, the craft was nowhere to be seen. Probably for the best, because it sounds like just seeing the thing f***ed up David pretty bad. So these kids have at least retained their innocence. They waited for what felt like hours, until... Gareth Hughes! What time do you call this? Megan? Gwyneth? Do you know how worried I've been? Their parents arrived and began dragging their kids home, ignoring their claims of flying saucers and strange figures. There's a lot of ignoring children going on in today's story, and I'm not a father myself, but I believe that is a
Starting point is 00:19:07 large part of raising a child is simply ignoring it for large portions of the day. Right. And, you know, we're not just talking about being bad parents. No. We're talking about like, isn't there that statistic that, you know, toddlers ask on average 9,000 questions a day or something. You can't answer them all. Which are mostly why, why, and why. Yeah. But sometimes the questions are also, why is a space pedo in the back garden? And you simply have to say, shut up and eat your mashed potatoes and get back to studying triangles. It's true.
Starting point is 00:19:40 And, you know, I'm getting the feeling that these kids have been asking 9,000 questions a day. But one of the parents decided to hear the children out. While all the other parents laughed off their stories they listened intently. They realized that all of these kids were telling the exact same story down to the last detail. So they got them to jot down what they saw, sign their names and it was written up in a report to send to the police. Once the report was successfully handed over to the police, the journey was over. Or was it? Yes.
Starting point is 00:20:17 For now. Little did they know that while they slept that night in their cozy little beds, an investigation was already underway? Before long. Sorry. Yeah, I just had a big dramatic buildup. So I just. It's a weird time to interrupt. Do I have time to ask a question?
Starting point is 00:20:39 How long is the question? Very short. No. I'm sorry. Why did you ask me? Why did you ask me then? All right, quickly,? Very short. No. Oh, I'm sorry. What? Why did you ask me? Why did you ask me that? All right, quickly, quickly, quickly. Go.
Starting point is 00:20:49 So is the investigation being done by... Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a long question. This is a long question. Sure, it's not a long question. It was already underway, is what I was saying. An investigation.
Starting point is 00:21:01 I don't want to ask my question anymore. Great. That works out best for both of us. Lost your spot? Yep. I'm confused now. All right. Well, if you're going to take that long,
Starting point is 00:21:14 I guess I'll ask the question. So is it the police who are conducting the investigation or like because I guess they got the report. So. Well, if you wait
Starting point is 00:21:23 a goddamn second, maybe the next line or two delivers the bombshell all right sorry no can we maybe we'll just cut that maybe we'll just cut kit interrupting well i don't think we should because your voice is so much more irritated now it's not gonna make no it's not gonna cut it's the same as it was before. It's not going to cut. I'm crying a little, but they can't see. Before long, there was a knock at the door of David Davis's house. Hello? Randall Jones Pugh from the British UFO Research Association.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Bring me the boy. Has he been drinking? There's your association. Silence! That's just my voice. There's your answer. Silence! That's just my voice. There's your answer. The investigation was started by Randall Jones Pugh
Starting point is 00:22:09 from the British UFO Research Association, also known as BEFORA. That's not a bad acronym. But how did he find out? I thought this report went to the police. Are you saying there's a rat on the inside of the police
Starting point is 00:22:20 handing things to the UFO investigators? You don't think BEFORA have their hands in many pies? And one of the pies is the Welsh police things to the ufo investigators you don't think before i have their hands in many pies and one of the pies is the welsh police is the welsh police this goes right to the top all right a mother call randall he's got mics hidden all over the town yeah in the british version of recess aka playtime they did not change randall's name i was trying to think randall knocked on the door and everyone was like, it's the space pedo. No, you misunderstand.
Starting point is 00:22:48 I'm here to catch the pervert. Take him away. No! This is just my silver chute. Before I got wind of the story and decided to come investigate in person, they struck an agreement that David would take Randall to the spot that he'd seen the UFO.
Starting point is 00:23:06 And it wasn't long before they were standing back out in the field, this time as close to the spot as possible. They struck an agreement. He offered him a bag of Haribo in exchange for taking him to the site. Stranger danger there, Davis. Take your parents along with you. David Davis, here's some Haribo now get in my UFO van.
Starting point is 00:23:28 It's 3am, sir. That's clearly just a Winnebago. It turns out that getting as close to the spot as possible wasn't really that close. The exact site where the craft was seen was actually behind a large fence near a rapidly
Starting point is 00:23:44 flowing stream. But even more disappointingly, even from a distance, Randall could see there was f*** all evidence. Oh no. I mean, not too far away from the site, there was a telegraph pole that had been damaged. Okay. But there were no marks on the ground or burnt treetops or anything else you would expect to see on the site of a UFO landing. Right, if a 30-foot cigar from space landed. Yeah. Despite Randall's disappointing investigation, the story of the Broadhaven UFO was only getting more and more buzz. Every kid at Broadhaven Primary School Was still talking about the spaceman
Starting point is 00:24:25 The headmaster Mr. Gonna try my best to pronounce this Name with an authentic Welsh Pronunciation Please don't Mr. I'm scared now
Starting point is 00:24:39 Just walk away You don't have to do this It's like a No it's not The headmaster walk away. You don't have to do this. It's like a... No, it's not. The headmaster, Mr. Chluellen... I'm sorry, Gav. Mr.
Starting point is 00:24:54 Chluellen decided the best thing he could do... Stop saying it, for sure. Saying what? He decided the best thing that he could do was put an end to all of this. He got every witness to write out exactly what they saw and draw a picture of it and sign their name underneath. He accidentally created the evidence of a lifetime for the greatest UFO sighting of the 20th century.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Now these kids were purposely kept separate so they couldn't collaborate on their stories. So, Kit, why don't we run through what all these little bastards wrote down? Then we can take a look at the insane pictures that they drew. Okay, I like this. This is a really interesting way of gathering evidence for a case. First account, Jeremy Passmore, age nine. I saw the UFO when it was dinner time. It was a silvery green and it had a red colored light. It was a disc at the bottom and a sort of dome at the top. It was about 300 yards away. It moved a minute and then it disappeared.
Starting point is 00:25:59 It did have a noise, but I didn't hear it. That nonsense. We felt very scared.id george wanted someone to go to the toilet with him tutor jones was nearly crying because he was scared he was going to get disintegrated or something some of our school did not believe us that kid needs therapy there was nothing to indicate they were going to be disintegrated. I don't know, dude. If you watch enough sci-fi movies, the disintegration usually follows the spaceship landing on Earth.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Fair. We tried to make the adults believe us, but they would not. When probed further, Jeremy stated that... They probed him! No! When probed verbally further... It made a couple noises uh it was about 300 yards away did i mention they probed me did i mention i was on the alien surgical table the probing lasted
Starting point is 00:26:55 what felt like a lifetime i can't tell if it was because of some sort of sci-fi technology or just emotional scarring sure it felt like eternity hard cut to the principle of reading all these harrowing reports he's like you know what it's like the rest of the day off i was going to show this to the police but a lot of this is technically porn that you've drawn so i'm not going to be i'm gonna burn it i'm gonna burn it right here uh jeremy said the object was on the ground and he saw a person, quote unquote, in a silverish suit about 350 yards away. Next account, Michael Matheson, age 11. Michael said it was a silver and cigar shape with a big dome and a red light flashing on top.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Okay. That was it. Some of the similar. Oh. He was a bit more blunt. I had to go to the bathroom. So I pretty much left at that point. Anything else?
Starting point is 00:27:50 Did Jeremy mention the probing? Okay. No, we've had enough on the probing, everyone. He's like, quick show of hands. Who wrote about probing in their essay? Every child. All right. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:28:01 Just put them straight in the bin, kids. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Just put them straight in the bin, kids. Yeah. It was a cigar shape. Very long. And now let's talk about the craft.
Starting point is 00:28:12 What? Jesus. Philip James Rees, age 10. My friends and I asked the headmaster to have a look at the object, but he refused. A couple of my friends saw movement of a figure but i did not i was frightened tutor owen lloyd jones age 10 they reported an object at ground level behind a bush and stated that they saw quote a man and admitted to becoming very scared okay they're 10 all right so don't laugh too hard at the way they talk or use words. I'm not laughing because it's, like, embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:28:51 It's just I'm starting to see common themes throughout these testimonies. David R. George, age 9. All right, can I just guess what David R. George is going to say? Sure. Cigar shape, 300 feet away from the school. Yeah. My friends saw a man doing somersaults, but personally, I just saw a Bush Russell.
Starting point is 00:29:14 I was very scared. He said he saw both the object and the humanoid. He said the object was huge, silver-colored. It was shining and humming. It looked like a saucer with a point. He said he saw the occupant who was silver suited and whose features were not seen apart from odd long ears. Okay. Well, that is new.
Starting point is 00:29:40 It is a new twist. Now, those are the written accounts of the individuals. Why don't we look at some of the drawings that these children have done for us? Bearing in mind, they're 9 and 10 years old, all right? Don't be so tense and defensive. Just don't expect a masterpiece. I understand that it's children. Don't expect, exactly.
Starting point is 00:30:02 It's children. So go easy on them. They're barely, they're like potatoes with hands at that age. Well, they're 10, so. Here are the pictures that they drew. All right, I talked a big game about understanding children's artwork and what it looked like. Jesus Christ, this is bad.
Starting point is 00:30:20 It's messy, it's messy, all right. I mean, stuff is written here in a mix of all caps lowercase it's a mess okay i have six images all the names you just mentioned jerry passmore trudeau owen jones michael webb so on so forth now they've all drawn fairly different images but i think what we're looking for is common themes amongst them and sure enough there's a couple there's a couple for sure i would say four of the six have very similar shape ufo crafts now are they similar to you know flying saucers of the day sure yeah um maybe a bit more pyramid like but i take it back.
Starting point is 00:31:05 They've got borderline ladders reaching down from the bottom of the craft, a little dome on top, and little lights. I think it's time that we focus on the nine-foot f***ing orc man standing beside the craft in many pictures. Well. It looks like the Green Goblin came down in a spaceship. There seems to be a man whose only defining feature is how big his ears are beside the craft. Now, he's only in two of the images, but in both, he has massive ears.
Starting point is 00:31:36 We're not talking like big round Dumbo ears. He has devil spikes. Pointy spikes in the side of his head. Now, in one image, child has just uh written next to the man is not good that's everything you need to know folks like and is the other things he's labeled are like door the door on the ufo a light at the top of the light, and then just the man and is not good. How much of a bad vibe must you be giving off if just your appearance in front of a child spawns the words is not good?
Starting point is 00:32:15 I mean, if that kid had known the word nonce, he would have used it. He just didn't have that in his vocabulary. It's like, is not good. Bad man make children cry. i'll give it to you these are pretty interesting drawings of sure ufos now maybe it's because the stories were a little inconsistent maybe it's because the drawings are shit but most teachers and parents still refused to take the story seriously it is unfortunate that even if you draw a pedo from space, if you're a child, it's going to look like a cartoon.
Starting point is 00:32:48 So people just won't take it seriously. Yeah, because you can't draw photorealistic objects. I'm just looking at some of these drawings again. That bottom one is terrible. God bless them, though. They're trying their hardest, you know? They've been through something traumatic. But the only way they can express it is through the hands of a child.
Starting point is 00:33:09 Right. They were like, there's teardrops on that paper. They were bawling their eyes out, recounting these horrific tales. But still, when you talk, you're like, I saw something by the woods. And you're like, oh, isn't he so cute? And it's like, he wanted my flesh. He asked for my flesh and my soul. I'm going to forget that bit.
Starting point is 00:33:30 I'm going to forget that bit. I'm going to buddy and rustle his hair. I can see why most teachers still refused to take this seriously. And most parents did too, except for Michael's dad. When he heard the stories and saw the drawings, he was convinced that his son had seen a UFO. And let me clarify, Michael's dad wasn't a moonshine swigging tinfoil hat wearing crackpot. He was actually an RAF officer.
Starting point is 00:33:58 And he was about to blow this case wide open. Oh, shit. So we're not talking, yeah, Dad Squad moonshine swigging MF-er. We're talking a guy who might, he might have even seen something himself. He might have even seen a UFO in his lifetime. Yeah, he's looking at his kid's doodle
Starting point is 00:34:18 of like an upside down umbrella. And he's like, where did you get these blueprints? Who told you about this he's going into his kid's room at night turning the nightlight into his face going where'd you get these schematics it's like that's a beyblade dad but before we blow this case wide open let's give a quick thanks to today's sponsors all right let's get back to our story we said, it's time to bust this case wide open. The drawings and the letters that the children had done were sent to the Ministry of Defense and were compiled in a folder alongside other corroborating evidence of the sighting.
Starting point is 00:34:56 The front of the file bore a note on a post-it left by RAF Valley in Hollyhead. The note read, We can offer no positive explanation or identification. Now Kit, if you want evidence for this case, this folder is the motherlode. One document in the folder was a letter from a branch called the S4 wing to the RAF's internal police force that said, I've not even told the minister I'm consulting you. I suggest we make a discreet inquiry. The number of apparently level-headed witnesses to the strange activity is quite frankly bewildering.
Starting point is 00:35:37 What is going on? This has escalated in a way I wasn't expecting. Is this just a window onto a more naive time in British history where people were more open-minded about these things? I think what we're finding out here is that basically
Starting point is 00:35:54 we've been focusing so far on this story of the children seeing a UFO. We've been looking at that as an isolated incident, you know, as one image on a corkboard. And what we're doing right now is slowly panning out and realizing that that is one incident that happened in this place at
Starting point is 00:36:13 this time. And there are dozens more that are all compiled in this folder. Okay. It goes so much deeper than you can even imagine. On the 17th of February that same year, one of the teachers told the British UFO Research Association that she too had noticed something peculiar on the day the children saw the craft. You gotta be more specific than that. The kids drew a man with giant ears. You can't say you saw something peculiar. man with giant ears. You can't say you saw something peculiar. She said she left the school by the east-facing side
Starting point is 00:36:48 and saw something shining in the sky. She stopped in her tracks as she laid eyes on a large, metallic object, oval-shaped, topped with a dome. Jesus Christ. Is that specific enough for you,
Starting point is 00:37:02 you son of a bitch? Sure, you backloaded that witness statement. If I see that, I'm not leading with, I did see something quite peculiar. Right, yeah. I'm saying, holy f***ing shit, get a load of this. On that very same day, the owners of a local hotel spotted it too. Hotel owner Rosa awoke early in the morning
Starting point is 00:37:24 and looked outside in her garden to see what she could only describe as a spacecraft. It was metal, oval, covered in lights. It landed on the ground and she stood frozen in fear as two figures emerged in silver suits. After they'd left, Rosa went out onto the patio to inspect the patch of grass that they had landed on, and sure enough, it had left a small crater in the ground. Also, days later, they had some repairmen come and look at their roof, and the repairmen said that there were tiles up there
Starting point is 00:38:02 that had been scorched as if they were burned. Interesting. Okay, so cases with a lot more potentially physical evidence than even the kids. Yeah, I think maybe the kids one is great because it has so many witnesses. Again, tiny little liars. Yeah, useless little cheats. But now we're seeing even more testimonies coming from multiple adults. According to Rose's daughter, Francine, the family also had a visit from two smartly dressed men in black suits. Their hair was slicked back and they drove a, quote, futuristic style car. Okay. I mean, we're groaning here because this is so nuts but you know i appreciate not everyone
Starting point is 00:38:48 has maybe listened to all 200 plus episodes of this paranormal life but it's true this is a textbook paint by numbers old school ufo story that shortly after you think you saw a UFO, maybe you weren't sure. Maybe you're on the fence about what you saw. The way you know it was a UFO is because two smartly dressed, slick back hair guys in a futuristic car show up at your door the next day. Yeah, I think maybe in the 1970s, they hadn't really thought that through yet. Right. Is that like the way to confirm all of your suspicions is two f***ing seven foot guys
Starting point is 00:39:27 with goblin ears show up with jetpacks to your front door and say you didn't see anything right they thought that was so low-key they thought that was so under the radar right yeah when instead they should have just had like a milkman. Right, a postman. Yeah, who was just like, ah, good to see you, Mr. Susan. The regular order,
Starting point is 00:39:52 semi-skimmed. I don't know what the f***ing milkmen say. Ah, whole milk this week. This is the man in black who didn't think it through at all. So, can I get you some f***ing milk or whatever?
Starting point is 00:40:06 What do you want, cow? Yes. Good. Do you have anything else? No. Yeah, yeah, we're still at a time where the MIBs are on duty shutting shit down. So this is a classic man in black sighting. There's also the account of Billy and Pauline,
Starting point is 00:40:21 man in black sighting. There's also the account of Billy and Pauline who called the police to say that they saw a seven foot tall silver suited being with a black face standing at the window looking into their house. Oh, right. What are we saying here? What are we saying here?
Starting point is 00:40:38 That the alien with goblin ears... He not good. He stayed. He stayed. He not good. He just landed like part we're like parked his parked his f***ing ufo went for a walk he saw like oh sally saw him at the starbucks queue yeah he thinks he's visiting like a f***ing human zoo he's like peeking into this one are they asleep no i see one there hello they're having like walkabouts, just roaming around, scaring kids, having fun.
Starting point is 00:41:08 And these men in black have to clean up after their mess. So I suppose what I'm getting at is whenever we get this many witnesses, we got two roads, two roads to go down. Yeah. Are these all golden verifiable sources cross corroborating the same paranormal sighting? Or has there been a game of telephone and everybody's telling each other the same story? And suddenly people with nothing better on are claiming that they also saw the. Oh, what was he? What did you say? Seven foot. Oh, he was seven foot tall and he was standing in my doorway. The one who was with me was ten foot tall. Yeah, trying to like one up each other. Yes, it's always worrying when you have a case where your two options are, yes, it was paranormal.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Or option number two, UFO fever. Yes. Which is unfortunately a real thing. People hear stories, gossip starts to spread. All of a sudden, Derek, who's just walking home from the pub one night, thinks seagulls are UFOs. Yeah. Because it's just, it seeps into your subconscious. You start to see it. You start to look for it. That weird creak in the night or shadow underneath the street lamps is now a man in a silver suit exposing himself to children i'm trying not to bring that baggage to this episode but i have to say these days you know we go back to this time period we have to factor in like just how much
Starting point is 00:42:40 ufos were in pop culture yeah um That's a big part of why these stories, I mean, it's the greatest mystery of UFO sightings from this age. Were people seeing flying saucers specifically because they were really all over Earth landing in the middle of playgrounds? Or was it because they were also getting shown in a lot of movies at the time?
Starting point is 00:43:00 Yeah, a bit of chicken and egg thing. You know, where did that that iconic iconography of the the bug-eyed gray alien come from is there some truth to it or is it simply pop culture um and i mean that's where today's story kind of breaks free a little bit because these kids drew pretty much a textbook ufo but that mother is not from any movie I've seen. Lord of the Rings, maybe? If a fucking Uruk-hai learned how to fly a DeLorean. But is it that different? I mean, he's a humanoid.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Do I need to bring the picture back? But he's just got big ears. Like, take away the big ears. Is anything different about that? Did you take away the big ears? It is a human. It is a human body. Like, look at that.
Starting point is 00:43:45 It's just a humanoid. Yes. Yeah. You know, hey, I'm a logical guy. I'm not here to say they didn't see a goddamn jellyfish. They didn't see a praying mantis with the face of a human. This was, aside from it being quite tall and in a silver suit, it was pretty much just like a human with crazy ears.
Starting point is 00:44:12 And I mean, that actually leads into possible explanations. Some believe that it could have been part of a secret training operation from a nearby RAF base. Granted, that doesn't really make sense if one of the parents who worked in the RAF thought it was a UFO. Exactly. He wouldn't be running it up the chain of command if he thought it was in any way possible to just be a routine operation. Yeah. And we also have the note in the files that revealed that the RAF ordered their internal police to do a secret investigation. Yeah, we could pretty much write that one off.
Starting point is 00:44:46 But apparently also several years ago, a former US Navy sailor came forward to say that the cause of the silver suited being was in fact a US military personnel wearing their standard, quote, fireproof uniform and that the UFOs were Harrier jets being flown i mean this is all possible though uh you know we always have to think about military operations military testing things that kids might not be seeing every day but wouldn't the raf have to be clued in to any
Starting point is 00:45:19 military u.s military operation why is the uS. military testing fireproof uniforms in Wales? And Harry, your gents, you kidding me with that one, bud? All right, I see what side you're going, Don. I ain't buying it. I ain't buying it to the point where any minute now, I'm pretty
Starting point is 00:45:40 sure the goddamn milkman is going to show up and start asking questions. And we need to be ready for that realistically those are pretty much the only alternative explanations that have been offered up in today's case okay so bearing those in mind do you want to tell us what the paranormal explanation is for what happened the paranormal explanation was the first 50 minutes of this episode. It was a spaceman from another planet
Starting point is 00:46:09 who came down to maybe steal children. Okay. I don't know. Yeah, we don't know if that makes him a pedo on his planet. On our planet,
Starting point is 00:46:20 it does. It does. A hundred percent. Yeah. So we have to judge him by that standard, but okay. It does, 100%, yeah. So we have to judge him by that standard. But okay, so an alien of some description. Came down in some sort of unidentified craft.
Starting point is 00:46:31 I mean, we've done a lot of episodes where we've talked about UFO sightings, but this is in the top tier where the creatures essentially exit the craft and have a little walkabout. Yeah, like I don't remember what the scale of Close Encounters of the Third, Second, First kind are, but this is right up there where you not only see the craft, but you actually come into essentially contact with the being. And it makes sense, right? We didn't go to the moon
Starting point is 00:47:00 and stay in the ship. You want to have a walkabout. If I fly for a thousand years in a cryogenic tube to planet Bing Bong, I'm not going to sit inside the chamber and look outside through a big foggy window. Right. I'm going to go outside.
Starting point is 00:47:16 I'm going to, I don't know what their children look like, but I'll probably push them over just for fun. Slap some shit around. I don't know what's living and what's alive i'll probably eat some stuff snort some stuff i want to pee uh in zero gravity somewhere into like you're a bad person you would be christopher columbus of space you're like yeah
Starting point is 00:47:38 probably just turn up steal a bunch of shit kill a bunch of people slap some shit around uh i mean it is true like if you travel as you say a thousand light years in a cryogenic chamber Steal a bunch of shit, kill a bunch of people, slap some shit around. I mean, it is true. Like if you travel, as you say, a thousand light years in a cryogenic chamber, we've all seen the movies. First thing that happens, you touch down, you go, hey, Siri, what's the atmosphere like? And she goes, good news. It's the same as your planet. Ninety seven percent nitrogen, this and that and oxygen.
Starting point is 00:48:08 And then you go, A. Yes. you want to go out stretch your legs uh like it's not a given that you would be able to survive there so yeah i guess you go for a walkabout like you say ship command are the aliens hot here deploy robot wingman deploying. Let's not beat around the bush here, Kit. This is a crazy story. It's a crazy story, but one that is built upon the backs of many children. Like the great pyramids of old. I don't think they were. What are your thoughts on today's episode? The Broadhaven UFO.
Starting point is 00:48:44 The Broadhaven UFO. The Broadhaven UFO. What a case. A case that I love to hate. I don't know why I just, I'm coming at this one with a surly attitude of disbelief. Maybe it's because of these kind of textbook UFO traits.
Starting point is 00:49:02 These textbook green man walking about in a silver suit traits. That being said, at every turn, I'm being tested with more and more evidence, more and more witness sightings, evidence even in the hands of the RAF and UFO investigation agencies. So what the hell am I to believe? This thing seems way too stereotypical to be true. And yet we have more evidence than many other UFO cases. What do you think? I mean, you are completely right. There is something about this story that I don't know why. Maybe it's the lack of evidence, physical evidence that I know it's 1977 and not everyone has disposable cameras really on hand at that point. But there is
Starting point is 00:49:42 something that's so outlandish about these claims that do make it hard to believe but on the other hand you know i mean it's things like this it's one thing to just talk about these kids and their drawings and their experience look at here is a literal like black and white picture of the children holding up their drawings that was taken it makes it so much more human when you like realize these kids they are convinced they went through something and saw something that yeah and it's like weird that kids would commit to a bit that much if it wasn't real yeah some of these kids do not look happy by the way they look really tired they look like they've seen a ufo a hundred percent yeah you're right it makes it more human
Starting point is 00:50:25 and you know i i know that there was a lot of uh throwing facts and parts of the story around crazy towards the end there but honestly let's not diminish the fact that it is literally documented on record that the ministry of defense and government officials did investigate this because they officially said, we don't know what the fuck's going on. We need to figure out what the hell this thing is. And yet they did eventually decide, we don't know. Yeah. That was their conclusion. Even if that was one that wasn't public at the time, their official stance is, we don't know what it was. Is that enough for us to say that it was something paranormal?
Starting point is 00:51:06 Let's find out. Kit, why don't we count down? We come down on a three. You ready? All right. We're gonna need some epic music here. Some drum roll, you know, because this is it, folks.
Starting point is 00:51:17 This is the moment that we've been waiting for. This is why you stuck around to the end of the episode. This is why every week we put ourselves, our reputation, our opinions on the line out there in the world, giving it 110% because the people in these stories
Starting point is 00:51:32 need to be represented. The truth will be brought to light. What is in the shadows will be brought today. And we will find out once and for all the dirty little secrets, the dirty little lies that they don't want us to know about. And the stickers and the files and all the documents that's hidden in the shadows. It's up to us to dig into the darkness with clawing hands of blood and dirt and rally, rally the people into an army with lights and torches. And when we shine... It's a no! You want an answer, you got it.
Starting point is 00:52:13 All right? I didn't get to do the countdown. You can't just take a case that doesn't have enough evidence and then just rant like Alex Jones for five minutes. It's a no all right so what's your answer will it to get my answer you know to dig with clawing hands into the darkness of dirt to um to rally together with people and torches to bring truth to light um it was going to be a yes but now i think that I think that we're not aligned, you and I.
Starting point is 00:52:47 No, it doesn't seem that way. In this conclusion. And I think we can backtrack a little bit here. If you'd let me finish the rant. No. Just let me finish the rant. Don't play the music. Don't play the music.
Starting point is 00:52:56 We'll roll it back up again. And whether or not we are alone in this universe or whether or not we are many, it doesn't matter because in each of us is a point, a beacon, a light, the light of all creation that when unified within a single voice, it speaks truth. Alright, I'm just gonna leave. It speaks
Starting point is 00:53:16 truth. Alright. Just hold on, buddy. No, no, no, no, no. I'm almost done. I'm almost done. I'll rally through the last... He's gone. He'll rally through the I'll rally through the last thing He's gone. He's actually left the room I feel like you know originally that that I was really Saying something from the heart, but now I realize now that he's gone. That was actually pretty performative and without him here I don't see the point in it. Oh
Starting point is 00:53:42 She's grabbing a trophy truth. I Never stopped brother. It's from the heart! This is a yes from me. This is a yes from me. Wow! Sheesh! This is... If my rant wasn't clear enough, people, I believe that there is something, a spark of paranormal activity here. Maybe we don't have as much evidence as we would usually need in a case to concretely decide it was paranormal. But with the amount of witnesses we have and the government investigation, I think something was going on. I think something out of this world. Yeah, we've got to confirm something.
Starting point is 00:54:23 And that's enough for me to say that it's paranormal. Bravo, brother. A fantastic investigation into a clearly groundbreaking UFO story and a rare disagreement on this paranormal life, which honestly you'd probably love to see. And the speech? It was... And the speech at the end?
Starting point is 00:54:40 Is not good. Is it so crazy to think that in like 100 years, maybe, or 50 years or whatever you're gonna say three years too crazy that like when people look back on the great speeches of the world i have i have a dream for example don't it was a great one don't you dare compare yourself mr gorbachev tear down that wall another classic line really. Not really a speech, but sure. Four score and 20 years ago, you know, the Gettysburg Address, you know, was another good one.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Got the line wrong, but sure. And then me. And then Rory. And the speech that rallied the troops up to... You had one troop to rally and then they rallied me, so... It was a good speech. It was a good speech.
Starting point is 00:55:26 It was a good speech. Okay. I'll give you that. The speech is a yes. Oh, all right. The story, just to be clear, absolutely a no. A no. The story, a double no.
Starting point is 00:55:37 That's right. Executive order. Hey, is it rare we get a disagreement on the podcast? And, you know, I did kind of expect it with this story because I think that maybe I'm just a little bit closer to this one that you are being the chief investigator in this case. You have always seen yourself as Welsh, deep down. It's true. It's true. You know, I studied in Wales.
Starting point is 00:56:02 This is a place that's just close to home. So when I see paranormal activity taking place there, I feel like I need to step up and defend the people of Wales. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. That was a meaty one, guys. A big, a big beefcake story. Good Lord. On this week's episode. But goddamn, you know I love a UFO story.
Starting point is 00:56:24 They're some of my favorite to investigate. So I hope you guys had a great time listening to it as well. Guys, if you wander late at night into the woods, not near a school, very far away from a school, you may find two other figures roaming.
Starting point is 00:56:40 And it is Kit, and it is I, in silver spacesuits, creating... I'm harvesting monkey pelts. Well, no one roaming, and it is Kit, and it is I, in silver spacesuits, creating- Harvesting monkey pelts. Well, no one's had monkey pelts. Sorry, sorry. I was going to talk about our other business that we're working on. Oh, right, of course.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Oh, shit. Patreon.com, which is, if you love the show, if you want to get more This Paranormal Life every week, this is the best way to do it. want to get more this paranormal life every week this is the best way to do it over on patreon.com for as little as five bucks the price of a cup of coffee a month you can get access to a huge amount of bonus episodes bonus content uh we do an extra episode every friday called the after party where we talk about all the behind the scenes of this paranormal life. Also, on our lowest tier, you also get every single episode of the show ad-free. So cool. And on this week's after party, Rory was divulging all the details of his DUI.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Oh, well, I did actually know. We are going full TMZ on this one. We have paparazzi photos. We have police mugshots. It's pretty spicy stuff. It is TMZ apparently because I didn't know you were recording any of the conversations we had when I was telling you about it. Oh, yeah. This is juicy.
Starting point is 00:57:59 So you're going to want to head on over and check it out. We actually have CCTV footage as well of me backing up into the swimming pool. So if you do want to see that, head on over to patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life. And also one of the rewards on Patreon is getting your own special shout out
Starting point is 00:58:19 at the end of the podcast. And we're going to do that right now. You're right, Rory. Let's give a very special thank you to logan kirkendall logan doesn't smirk at all if you try and make this son of a bitch laugh good luck wow he is made out of stone you know i'm delivering my funniest content to him and he's not even not even cracking a grin well that crazy, because I think I said a very simple dad joke the other day, just a pun,
Starting point is 00:58:47 and his sides were splitting for 30 straight minutes. Maybe he doesn't find me that funny then. It could be that. I was shaking him a lot at the time. Shaking him, trying to get him to laugh. Okay, that's not a joke. Thank you to Julia Rose Wenger. Nobody knows where Julia Rose goes.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Approximately 4.33 every day, Julia disappears. And not like down a back alley. She goes. She's gone. Right. She appears seconds later with just buckets full of crabs. She could be given a goddamn TED talk and she would just gone. Gone. Back again with buckets of crabs. She could be given a goddamn TED talk and she would just gone. Gone.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Back again with buckets of crabs. That is. And she's got no memory of where she goes either. I assume it's some sort of crab dimension where they're just giving them away. Who knows? Maybe to just a fish market nearby. But. It's a yes for me.
Starting point is 00:59:40 I'll tell you how much. I think it's paranormal. Thank you to Ryan Moss. Ryan is like moss. Green. Luscious. Nourishing. Green?
Starting point is 00:59:50 Clingy as well. He's clingy. I think you just wanted to say he was clingy. How is he green? I guess he could be green behind the ears. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough.
Starting point is 01:00:01 But clingy. Did I mention clingy? You did. Like, you don't know. He doesn't know when to take a hint. Thanks to Austin Hemistad. If it isn't Acosten Austin, this guy will just accost you anywhere, anytime, for seemingly no reason. Were you shaking him, can I ask?
Starting point is 01:00:17 A little bit. I gave him a little shake and he accosted me out of nowhere. He's defending himself. Thanks to Sedgwick Lee. Sedgwick is actually Harry Potter's lesser known owl. You know, Hedwig gets all the headlines, but Sedgwick is just a little less useful. But just scrolls and letters just get lost on the way.
Starting point is 01:00:40 Sedgwick just disappears for days at a time. Much less reliable, so Sedgwick didn't really make it into the book or the movie. Is it an owl? Is it another owl? It's a raccoon. It is a raccoon. Okay, that makes sense.
Starting point is 01:00:51 Harry Potter's raccoon. Sorry, did I say owl? I meant raccoon. It takes a long time. If you're trying to send a letter to another country, you send a raccoon. He has to get the bus. He just has to use normal transport.
Starting point is 01:01:04 He's basically a human for all intents and purposes. Yeah. Send the owl. He has to get the bus. He just has to use normal transport. He's basically a human. For all intents and purposes. Yeah. Send the owl. Thanks to David Wiltshire. David Wiltshire, he emailed us recently. I didn't really understand. Let's see if you understand anything about this.
Starting point is 01:01:17 He said he put in an order for a large shipment of monkey pelts which never arrived. No, no, no. Other business, Other business. This is for attention of Rory Powers. That's not. That's gone to the wrong email. That's the other business. Okay. That's for Bananas Incorporated, our
Starting point is 01:01:35 shell company. Oh dear. Thanks to Bill Fritzler. Billy Fritz's will is on the fritz. This thing's malfunctioning. This is crazy, Bill. Your will says you leave everything to me?
Starting point is 01:01:51 I mean, weird, but I guess I'll take it. I don't think it's malfunctioning. It's malfunctioning in a way that I accept, Will. I think you doctored the will after his death. No, I think it's actually functioning perfectly now that I read it for myself. Yeah, well, now that I read it, I can see you just scribbled out a bunch of shit and wrote,
Starting point is 01:02:12 Kit get it all. Okay. It's not good. Kit is not good. Will is not good. Kit get it all. Thanks also to Newt. Once again, one of Harry Potter's lesser known servants.
Starting point is 01:02:28 Newt could not do much. It could do Newt. I think Harry sent it on one mission and it was eaten by a crow. Almost instantly. And not a magic crow, just a normal crow that happened to be at Hogwarts. So just, you know, a little piece of advice. If you're going to pick your wizarding animal pal, maybe don't go for the newt. Did you know I had a newt growing up, a pet newt?
Starting point is 01:02:50 Did you really? Yeah. And then it died and my mom said it ran away. Which is pretty f***ed up because it lived in a fish tank underwater. So it pretty much couldn't run away. It ran away. That's like saying someone's goldfish ran away when it died my gullible ass believed every word thanks also to jillian jacobo jillian jacobo lives on a rowboat uh not much more to it than that i gotta say is it a big boat like a house boat no a rowboat like a tiny how do you live on that? Just in a sleeping bag? You just pull on a hoodie and hope for the best when it starts raining. All right, when was the last time you saw Jillian?
Starting point is 01:03:32 Because I think we might need to call search and rescue. Thanks to Kanoa Valamonte. Kanoa lives in a canoe-a. That's right. Even smaller than a rowboat. We have not seen this individual in years uh the last time sure was somewhere around the niagara falls region up shits creek specifically uh but hey they're paying newt a lot in rent so i I got to hand it to them. They've got it figured out.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Yeah, there's no rent in the afterlife, bud. So thank you to Matthew Bell. Matthew Bell has a few bells. Huh? Four different things. You know, just a few bells. To call a servant. Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
Starting point is 01:04:17 To call for dinner. Ding-a-ling-a-ling. Wow, this guy's rich. The war bell. Whoa. Ring-a-ding. Gong. Gong. That's our bell The war bell. Whoa. Ring-a-ding. Gong. Gong.
Starting point is 01:04:26 That's our bell. Let the games begin. It's Sauron. It's Sauron. Matthew is Sauron. Kind of a different vibe. Gong. It's a big bell.
Starting point is 01:04:40 Thanks to Ryan Jenkins. Ryan Jenkins got 10 kits. 10 kits. 10 kits. Yeah kids yeah brother it's a handful to say the least uh cheaper by the dozen nope try 10 it's a few less sure but it's still a nightmare it's not cheap it's definitely not cheap thanks lastly but not leastly today, to Ryan Tegeter. If it isn't Spying Ryan, a.k.a. Here Comes the Milkman, ready for a fresh delivery. There's no way. That's right, Ryan. I can see you trying to sell milk, but just underneath that shirt is a little wire and a mic poking out.
Starting point is 01:05:17 So watch your step, buddy. And he's so nervous. He's shaking. The balls are clinking together. Hey, Rory, what can I get you? I know about you, Ryan, and your little wings. But honestly, though, I need a lot of milk.
Starting point is 01:05:32 I need it all the time. So I won't take it all. So I do need it. So thank you for the milk, Ryan, and thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon. Arigato. We are so grateful for your support. Honestly, it means that we can keep not only just making this show, but keep making this show better, growing, getting better equipment,
Starting point is 01:05:51 better studio spaces, hiring more people to work on the show. It really means so much to us. And I hope that you're enjoying all of your bonus content that you're receiving every month. So thank you guys for listening to this week's episode. We hope you had an absolute blast and of course, we will be back next week with a brand new Paranormal Tale! Thank you.

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