This Paranormal Life - #358 The DARK TRUTH about Saint Patrick's Day

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

Saint Patrick's Day - A time to celebrate all things Ireland: the music, the culture, tayto crisps and seeing how many pints of Guinness you can drink before you go blind. But many people don't realise that Saint Patrick was more than just a saint, his life was full of bizarre and mystical paranormal events, from magical battles against druids, to raising the dead. It's time for the history lesson no one asked for - the PARANORMAL history of Saint Patrick's day. So grab a pint of your favourite drink and enjoy, sláinte!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunitySupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeIntro music by www.purple-planet.comEdited by Philip Shacklady Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you split the G or play the Guinness game? What happens if you only drink whiskey for 24 hours? We're about to find out on a very special St. Patrick's Day episode of This Paranormal Life! Welcome everyone to a very special St. Patrick's Day episode of This Paranormal Life hosted by your two favorite Irish podcastersters rory and kit before we begin kit kajay maratatu tamigamoyl uh rory deep diving into our gcse irish there um the two your two favorite irish paranormal investigators that that kind of came out as irish whenever they launched an irish podcast awards um to which we cleaned up this year.

So it was absolutely worth it. And that's why we kept the jig going. I'm doing great, Roy. How are you doing? I'm doing fantastic. You know, St. Patrick's Day is one of my favorite times of the year for many reasons. Because yes, I am Irish, despite my accent. You wouldn't believe it.

You know, I lived there, despite my accent. You wouldn't believe it. You know, lived there for over 20 years. But the only people that love St. Patrick's Day more than the Irish are the Americans. Oh, yeah. The other half of my family and my origin. So with that combined, I am sort of the ultimate monster created for St. Patrick's Day. But as if your Irish side wasn't toxic enough, you have an Irish American side. It's almost like when you drink a Hammerhead or a Red Eye coffee, you know, where you pour the couple espressos into a glass and then you top it up with filter coffee.

Yeah, yeah. Just to go really psycho. We took your Irishness and we topped it up with toxic Irishness. It's very true. I mean, do you enjoy St. Patrick's Day as much as the other locals do? I do really like St. Patrick's Day. I got to be totally honest. Whenever we grew up, we celebrated it a lot.

I then moved to Belfast where I went to university and made new friends and stuff. And was, I'll be honest, shocked at a poll to find that at least the people I hung out with, I know St. Patrick's Day is big in Belfast, but the people I knew didn't go near it. Really? Yeah, so I went for years and then I moved to London and the rest is history. I went for years without even celebrating it at all.

I was lucky if I even got a single pint of the black. I think I mentioned one time, I thought I would reclaim St. Patrick's Day for myself when I happened to be in Sweden one year for St. Patrick's Day I was like oh turns out Sweden's got a big Irish population in the centre they've got a load of Irish pubs let me go down let me go celebrate with my friend

we're never going to feel more Irish than being in Sweden on St. Patrick's Day couldn't have been more wrong they're all singing songs in Irish, which no one speaks. Didn't know a f***ing word. It was rammed. We basically just like left with our tail between our legs.

You walked into the bar, kicked open the front door and said, top of the morning to ya. They beat the shite out of me. They were like, that's incredibly offensive. You're like, we don't talk like that here. I mean, have you been able to celebrate while in London? I have. Luckily, I have over the years been able to gather a group of friends together that I hold very dear who both love St. Patrick's Day and drinking.

I was going to say, to be clear, who also aren't necessarily Irish. Yeah, I think there was probably a few St. Patrick's Days where I was down at the pub and I was like, it's so great that we can celebrate. And a few of them went, it's St. Patrick's day. They're wearing like green all over, sinking eight pints of Guinness. No idea. But you're right, Kit. Look, we are two men raised on the north coast of Ireland. It's no surprise that we do love St. Patrick's Day. Growing up, some of my fondest and most intoxicated memories are from St. Patrick's Day. And I'm happy to say that we're keeping that tradition alive today in the studio. We have an entire bottle of aged 10 years Bushmills Irish whiskey.

We've got a ton of Guinness here. 10 years Bushmills Irish whiskey. We've got a ton of Guinness here and I'm very excited to say we're going to be diving into a very Irish, very St. Patrick's Day themed investigation today. But Rory, St. Patrick's Day

is only about getting shite-faced. What could we possibly be investigating here on This Paranormal Life? I knew you were going to say that, Kit, because you, like most people, would think that St. Patrick's Day is just the time to celebrate Irish music, Irish culture, Tato crisps, and seeing how many pints of Guinness you can drink before you go blind. And of course, yes, let's not forget,

it's to celebrate St. Patrick himself, who was the legendary Irish saint known for his most impressive feat, driving all of the snakes out of Ireland. But despite these celebrations all over the world, very few people know the truth about St. Patrick. Oh no, is he about to get cancelled? We all build these images of him in our head. But did you know he never really talked about the shamrock once okay did you know that saint patrick's day itself is actually commemorating his death i didn't and possibly the most disturbing fact of all he was often famously seen in his favorite

color blue oh my all right now you're just f***ing with us. You're trolling us. It's time for us and the audience to discover the truth about St. Patrick, the saint behind the holiday. So please raise a glass of any liquid you enjoy indulging in on this St. Patrick's Day and join us as we dive into a bit of Irish

history. Now before we begin today's history lesson, it's important to note we're not historians. We're paranormal investigators. We're not here to talk about the facts and the dates. We're here to investigate the paranormal. And believe it or not, St. Patrick's life is full of it. In fact, stories told in ancient books that he wrote himself talk about mystical powers and magical battles against druids. So today, to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, we're diving into the paranormal history of Ireland's favorite saint. Now to preface this episode, it's worth noting that scholars have been writing about St. Patrick for hundreds of years, trying to document his life while separating the myths and legends from the real events. Sort of like paranormal investigators themselves. And while they may write off any supernatural or mystical story,

those are the stories that we're here to cover today. I do love the idea of these historians reading these ancient books where they're like, okay, he was born here. He moved here. Okay. There's a section here where he throws a fireball at another wizard. They just rip it out of the book and they're like going to throw it in the bin. And we're like, well, take a look at that fireball section right there, chief. Yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah.

It's a bit rude, isn't it? To be reading to someone writes a book about their life and all the things that happened. Yeah. And every time something sounds a little too cool to be real. Too cool. You're like, nonsense. That couldn't have possibly happened it's like when my autobiography inevitably gets published and it's like oh yeah you know when i was 22 i like

had the i had a supermodel girlfriend who won a bikini contest and people are going to be like uh no he didn't rip that out keep it in keep it in because it because it was true is what i'm saying because it could have been your example yeah so you've already changed the story that it could Keep it in. Keep it in. Because it was true, is what I'm saying. Because it could have been true. Your example, you've already changed the story that it could have been true. No, it was true. Your example, I would rip that out because it is so obviously a lie. So it's actually a bad example. Because we're saying St. Patrick might have done those cool things.

I'm going to say in my autobiography that today you agreed with me. Okay. I actually am. We're filming this. We're filming this. Oh, shit. We're filming this from three angles. Rory, let's dive into today's case. And before that, sláinte. Sláinte.

Cheers. We are going to dive into the paranormal history of St. Patrick right after a quick word from today's sponsors. And a reminder, you can get every episode of This Paranormal Life ad-free over on patreon.com forward slash

This Paranormal Life. While researching the life of St. Patrick, a lot of it is luckily made easier by the fact that Patrick himself wrote essentially

an autobiography, which has actually survived to the present day. And let me tell you, right off the bat, this guy was no ordinary Guinness-loving party animal. This may hurt to hear, but St. Patrick himself was actually born in Great Britain.

All right. Well, this is, okay, off rip. This is an important piece of information. It is. To get out, as you say. We assume because he's the patron saint of Ireland, one would assume that he is from Ireland, but he's not. When he was only 16 years old, he was captured by Irish raiders,

stored on a ship and brought to work in Ireland. When he arrived in Ireland, St. Patrick worked tirelessly as a slave, shepherding sheep for over six years, until one day he experienced his first paranormal activity. St. Patrick started hearing voices in his dreams. Escape the island! Escape the island! There's a boat by the docks. Go now, St. Patrick. I mean Patrick, not just Patrick for now. Getting ahead of myself. That little bit up.

I can see the future. Actually, that's still giving away shit. That's maybe, may or may not be in your future. So he took off, making his way down Ireland's east coast to find this mysterious ship that a voice had told him about. And to his surprise, he found it. But the captain, who was pagan, didn't like the look of Patrick and refused to let him board. When was this? I don't know. You should, you should. A long time ago.

No, I think we do know when he lived, right? When was it? Roughly. I've had to just Google St. Patrick. That's what you've done to me now. You happy? It's not too much to ask. I'm going to scroll on this page. I know on this podcast you often say time is irrelevant,

but I mean, this is a very important historical figure. We need to know if this is the 1980s or not. It just says at the age of 16. Right, but I'm sure I googled it. I'm sure I looked it up one day and I'm sure it's just like the year 500 or something. Or it's like the 4th century or something. He was born at the end of the Roman rule in Britain.

You're doing everything you can to not give me a date. 3.10? Maybe. What do you mean, maybe? What do you mean? He was born at the end of the Roman rule in Britain. Is that enough for you? Absolutely not.

I don't know when that was. Hold on, hold on. What was that? When was St. Patrick born? What were you Googling before? St. Patrick. Apparently he was born in Scotland in the year 387. Is that enough for you?

Yeah, I knew there must have been a date. So that's a long ass time ago. We're the guts of 2000 years ago. Yeah. This is, in the scheme of history not long after jc himself yeah which i guess is why everyone was so jazzed about him i'm asking because you mentioned uh that he the person who owned the boat was a pagan uh so they they believed the old ways of uh ireland the celtic ways where they would have believed in probably many different gods

and had lots of different interesting rituals and beliefs. But it sounds like Christianity was around too. On its doorstep. Yeah, I think we're going to find out today that the St. Patrick versus the pagans is kind of like a Jedi versus the Sith style battle that took place in Ireland. As I said, the captain who was pagan didn't like the look of St. Patrick the Sith style battle that took place in Ireland. As I said, the captain who was pagan didn't like the look of St. Patrick and refused to let him board,

which might've been a blessing in disguise because in the actual writing of St. Patrick himself, he said the captain would only let him board if he quote, sucked his breasts. Whoa. Really? Take the next ship. Oh my God. i know the angel said to take this one but let it go and we'll catch the next one so patrick said so patrick instantly said no and a voice in his head said slow down there patrick i know it might not sound pleasant

but honestly i've checked and there's no other route so yeah the voice knew the whole time this was gonna happen limber up that tongue buckle and suck on those teats just one titty saint patrick jesus man man if if that's the price of faith then call me a f***ing pagan, brother, because I ain't sucking on no salty sea captain's teat. That is too high a price to pay for salvation. Apparently this is a ritual gesture symbolizing acceptance of the captain's authority. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. Apparently it was.

I've never heard that before. That was the captain, I think, made that one up. St. Patrick refused, obviously. And luckily, the captain still took him on board. John, sir. Complete John, sir. He's like, yeah, we'll let you on board if you suck on my nip nips. And he's like, I'm not going to do that.

All right, come on anyway. Oh my God. I would be like, I don't think I want to. I don't think I want to. Come on anyway. No. Oh, come on anyway i would be like i don't think i want to i don't think i want to go on anyway no oh come on please we need someone to do the big sale because i feel like just touch my you think you're gonna crack me or i'm gonna fall asleep and wake up with a nipple in my mouth this is not where i thought the story was going. That part's not paranormal. It's just pretty f***ed up, so I wanted to include it. I'm glad you did.

Now, after escaping to Britain, St. Patrick reportedly experienced a second revelation, claiming that an angel in a dream told him to return to Ireland to work as a missionary. So, around 15 years later, he returned and began his journey through Ireland. Now, St. Patrick's origin story may be a little strange and may be different to what we all imagined, but it's safe to say that despite a few religious epiphanies, so far there hasn't been a whole lot of paranormal or supernatural activity. However, I don't know what the f*** he did in those 15 years of training, but when he returned to Ireland, St. Patrick was a Dumbledore-level dark magician. Really?

See, even that part of the story, I didn't know. I mean, as I said, I just imagined, had heard that he wasn't born in Ireland, but you assume once he got there that he stayed there, but you're saying he went, Luke Skywalker style, he went to the swamps of the Dagobah system to learn a little something. Yeah, and then the voice told him to go back, bring Christianity to Ireland, and that's what he did.

So without further ado, here are just some of the legends surrounding St. Patrick and his Irish adventures. In one legend St. Patrick was wandering around Ireland when he bumped into a pagan chieftain named Crom and asked him for some food. The chieftain just laughed and set a bull loose hoping it would go loco and kill St. Patrick. Holy shit. However, using his wizard powers, St. Patrick forced the bull to submit and allowed itself to be eaten.

What? He just cooked it up? Benny Hanna style? On the spot? Whatever spell he cast, this bull basically put an apple in its own mouth and lay down on a campfire holy moly so this is it so this is wild so this is back in a time when you know i guess we're it's almost as if at this point in history when you know when jc came along jesus christ superstar my boy hit the decks you know there was there was magic in the air and miracles were still possible according to the believers that jesus performed these miracles performed these amazing abilities so it's almost like some of that magic was still in the air a couple hundred years later when saint patrick came along because he's you know we don't in the modern age consider there

are modern saints and we don't consider them to have supernatural abilities. But we're saying back then, his belief in the Lord gave him these abilities? Gave him these powers. It's all very muddy. Some of these stories are from St. Patrick. Some of these stories are from storytellers who studied St. Patrick still in the year 700.

You probably got to remember as well that he's, as you say, kind of going up against these pagans and he's trying to introduce Christianity to push out paganism. So the pagans, they did believe in probably a lot more supernatural or magical kind of thinking. And if they are writing any of this history, then that might have been the

lens they viewed it through yeah absolutely and i should say you know in between all of this crazy shit yes he was converting people baptizing people but on the weekends okay saint patrick was gandalf roaming through the woods shooting lightning bolts from a staff right he was turning up hung over to the baptisms with blood on his knuckles. The weekends were hot and heavy. Yeah. Now, as I said, he forced this bull to submit and the bull allowed itself to be eaten.

This chieftain, Crom, freaked out. He was furious that St. Patrick had killed his prized bull. For sure. So with a wave of his staff, St. Patrick brought the bull back to life. All right. All right, well, now we've got necromancy. So now we're, this is,

I don't know if God even allows that. I think that might be a forbidden spell of Christianity. Which is worrying because necromancy describes about half of the stories that we're going to be talking about today. Oh, shit. Because you've probably read the Bible once more than me, which is zero times. Okay, yeah.

Did Jesus ever bring anyone back from the dead? He did, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. Not often. He healed the sick. I think he brought back maybe one person.

I was going to say, it's like one time. And then it was almost, it was like in an anime. He's like, it's going to take all of my power. And then, you know, afterwards he's almost dead because it took up all his abilities. He gave some life. You know, that's why he only did it that one time. And then of course the only other time he did it

was when he died and then came back to life. Yeah. See, Patrick's like, bro, for me, it's like a light switch. Dead, alive, dead, alive. There's a cow like animating and dying in front of him nonstop. In some versions of this story, after the bull is revived, Crom is so impressed that he converts on the spot to Christianity.

You would. In other versions, he's killed by the bull. Which I'm starting to think is the real story. And St. Patrick told everyone he was converted. Which I'm starting to think is the real story. And St. Patrick told everyone he was converted. St. Patrick only raised the bull. That is so twisted. That is so twisted. So he didn't raise the bull back from the dead because the man was angry.

He raised it because he wanted to kill the man. St. Patrick raises the bull and the chieftain's like, my God, you brought back my prized bull. And St. Patrick goes to the bull, get him. This is just one instance of St. Patrick displaying his otherworldly powers, allegedly gifted to him by the Lord. There was another legend written in 700 AD, claimed that again, while working in Ireland, a gang of druids

insulted St. Patrick and even at one point tried to poison him. Now the saint was willing to let a lot of this slide, but when one of those druids started talking shit about the Lord, St. Patrick flipped out. According to the legend, using his magic, the druid was lifted up into the air and slammed down. His brain hit against a stone and it exploded. And he died in front of all the other pagans. This is, he's Darth Vader. He's Darth Vader.

He goes, what did you say? He goes like, please, my Lord. It's only kind of crazy because I don't understand how this message is supposed to work. Where it's like, hey, come to Christianity. The all-loving, peaceful forgiveness of the Lord Jesus Christ. It's like, I don't believe in any of this shit. What did you say, mortal? It's like, all right't believe in any of this shit. What did you say, mortal? It's like, all right, well, clearly he isn't all forgiving

because I did one bad thing and you're choking me. I mean, is this part of the transformation of kind of the message of Christianity though? I mean, you tell me because we know that the Old Testament of Christianity, it's fire, it's brimstone.

It's a lot more supernatural. It's a lot stranger. We then know that the New Testament, the more recent one, the later teachings, that was when all the John Lennon shit. Peace and love, baby. Peace, love, happiness kind of all kicked in. That's a good point. Is this part of that kind of transition of like from being this kind of like spreading his message or spreading the word or good acts through sometimes even violence, sometimes even aggression? Is that kind of the old world that St. Patrick was still a part of? Right.

And it was only later that we got into like everything was turn the other cheek and forgiveness. Yeah, maybe at this point that was the way to get through to these people was fire and brimstone and punishment. I don't know. It is funny because from this story, it sounds like St. Patrick is just one of those guys who can't take a joke. You know those guys you're like hanging out with

and you're like, oh, you know, showing up late per usual. Yeah, this guy's never on time. He's like, oh, I wonder if he's gonna buy his own drinks tonight. He always skips out on a round or something. And then, you know, someone will be like, oh, St. Patrick's. Oh, there's a cow in that field.

I didn't know your mom was here today with you. And he goes, shut your mouth. Like, hey, but we're just having a laugh. That's my mother you're talking about. All right, dude. All right, sorry, sorry. Just chill, bro. We're all trying to have a good time here.

Can I get you a drink? He's like head down, panting. Laughing like the Joker. Is it funny to you that my mother is a cow? He breaks a glass bottle, swings for the guy. Whoa! He turns your mother into a cow, kills her, brings her back,

kills her, brings her back. Stop, St. Patrick! In other stories, apparently sometimes when St. Patrick really wanted to win an argument or simply shut his opponents down, he would raise people from the dead and have them prove his point.

What would you mean, debate on his behalf there's a zombie just like so as you can see i'm very much alive now so you know if you could just admit he's right and i can go back to being dead please right what a horrible experience to be brought back to life to prove a point in an argument yeah you're like oh am i in heaven not really yeah can you tell him that the lakers lost in 1948 if people didn't believe in christianity saint patrick would bring back atheists to life and get them to describe the torture of being able to see heaven but not get in. This is... Okay. Okay. Okay. In one story, he also brought a guy back to life

just to prove that the accusations of him being a thief were untrue. This isn't even part of his mission. This isn't even... Like, what is this... What point of the church is this furthering at this point? Like, you're just... As I said, you're just settling petty squabbles. Yeah. yeah yeah if you're in an argument and saint patrick is like i'm not a thief i'm a really cool guy ask my buddy craig craig and like craig just bursts out of the ground in skeleton form

and it's like craig tell him i'm like i'm a cool guy like ah crap his vocal cords decomposed all right craig just looking at his skeleton hands what sinful deed has brought me back to the realm of the living craig you just tell him for a second that like i'm a cool guy and it's like the sins committed today will be known throughout history as work of the dark lord craig just keep on track man because we i can only keep you up here for like 45 seconds where are my children great we don't have time for your children my wife back in the ground yeah cuts us out he's gone um i don't know this is the best use of his abilities you know because at least you know jesus performed miracles compared to saint patrick by all accounts jesus's miracles were uh more tasteful more considered more uh you know he really only did it when he absolutely had

to jesus was kind of like trying to convince people to join join a church i'd be like please come on bro just join the church and they're like no i don't believe you he's like oh fine he's like come on bro he's like don't don't make He's like, don't make me do all that. Don't make me do all that. And they're like, no, you got to prove it. He's like, all right, fine. You got a loaf of bread? Two loaves of bread.

Right, yeah. And then they're like, oh, shit. He's like, are we done? Are we done? I have places to be. Let's go. Jesus is like, don't make me turn any more water into wine. All I have is wine now.

I'm so dehydrated. I don't have a drop in this house because every time one of you assholes comes around, I got to turn all my water into wine for you. You know, if he had the mindset of St. Patrick, he would have just like walked up to the Roman emperor, just cut off everybody's head with laser beams. You know, he would have just been messing shit up day one. Yeah. Maybe that is why St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland, because he did quite a few miracles for the crack. Right.

Which is very Irish indeed. Yes, right. In Ireland, you know, it is a very Christian country historically and a very kind of, there's a certain high sense of morals and there's a lot of things that are really important to Irish people. But above all that, first and foremost, is crack. Is the crack. Yeah.

It's like, you know, for sure, salvation and following the word of the Lord, but not before a few scoops down the local. Now, locals had heard that St. Patrick was raising the dead. So as a prank, some of the locals asked St. Patrick to raise one of their friends who was still alive from the dead. I guess as a way to try and catch him out or something. St. Patrick, who knew that they were trying to pull a fast one on him, prayed for the man and he actually died. We could have seen that coming. We could have seen that coming. We could have seen that coming. We could have seen that coming.

Only after his friends begged for mercy and agreed to be baptized, did St. Patrick bring him back to life. That is no way to bring people into the church. You are one step away from just holding a gun to someone's head and ordering their family to be baptized or you'll pull the trigger. That's what he did. That's what he did. It's literally, it it's walking yeah it's it's the joker walking up to people in times square with a machine gun pointed at their head

he's like write write a check to a charity right now you know like yeah such a strange form of altruism yeah like i'm about to pull the trigger and it can either go one or two ways. Either you go somewhere where you die or you don't. What's it going to be, bud? In another story, St. Patrick and his followers allegedly came across a Neolithic tomb that they thought to be the grave of a giant. To satisfy his followers' curiosity, St. Patrick raised the giant from the dead, baptized him, and killed him again. Why? He's like, he raised him from the dead. He's like, hey, giant, you're a cool dude, bro.

Hey, nice to meet you. Hey, you know who's going to love you? Who? Jesus. Kills him with a laser beam. Sends him to heaven instantly. He's like, wow, this creation truly is great. God's going to want to see him again. No, no, no.

No, no, I'm just a tall guy. This is what I'm saying here on this podcast. We all love St. Patrick's Day. We all love Ireland and drinking Guinness and wearing green. But the actual St. Patrick himself was so much of a wizard criminal, we might as well be celebrating the prisoner of Azkaban. Now we are going to hear even more about the dark side of St. Patrick's Day right after a quick word from today's sponsors.

Now, of course, the one redeeming quality about St. Patrick's Day, right after a quick word from today's sponsors. Now, of course, the one redeeming quality about St. Patrick is his most famous accomplishment as a saint, driving all of the snakes out of Ireland. Of course, the classic, because if anyone doesn't know if they live around the world, this is a sort of random fact of biology here, is that there are no snakes on the island of Ireland. There are in England. There are in the rest of the UK. Exactly. So a little bit of a mystery. It all got rolled up with St. Patrick. Unfortunately, according to almost every historian and biologist in the world, this never happened at all. For example, according to Nigel Monaghan from the National Museum of Dublin, he said, at no time has there ever been any suggestion of a snake in Ireland. There was

nothing for St. Patrick to ever banish. I think a lot of scientists who have studied Ireland and its history, even going back to like prehistoric, you know, we're talking about fossils. There was really never any evidence of snakes being on the island. I remember being a kid and this loomed large in my mind. We've talked about it before, you know, whenever you're a kid, you get told a piece of information that you take way too seriously. Like classic piece of information being like, whenever you first find out that the sun is going gonna explode someday as like a toddler and you're like what yeah and then you cry for three days uh until you realize that that's fine um uh and you know or you find out about quicksand and it just occupies your brain

for weeks to come um i remember the first time i ever went to England as a child, all I knew was they had snakes. Really? That was the only thing? So my parents were like, yeah, we're going to go see your uncle and your auntie. We're probably going to go like, I don't know, we'll go to the beach or something. It'll be fun.

And in my head, I was walking into Jumanji. I was in Belfast International Airport with a hat and a whip and a satchel getting ready for an adventure I was like packing nets I thought I was gonna like hunt these things

fight them I was like I was like no why would we leave it's safer as we're snakes you're sitting on the flight opposite your mother being like

after the moment of incision from a snake bite, we have about 45 seconds to suck out the poison. She's like, uh-huh. Yeah, that's very cute. Is that from one of your little cartoons? It sounds like I'm doing a bit. I'm literally not. I think we got to our accommodation and I think there was,

maybe we're staying at my uncle's or whatever, but they had a garden and I was literally just like, we turned the key in the property, went in. I sat down in our bags. I walked straight to the back garden. I'm combing through the grass. Combing. Well, don't comb through the grass.

That's where you're going to find them. I was so disappointed I couldn't find them. Kid at one point while getting ready for bed, stepped on the charging cable for an ipad and squealed like a piglet thinking a snake was coming up his little trouser legs my mom made a plate of spaghetti and i upturned the whole table uh you all right though it is true because uh weirdly saint patrick driving the snakes from ireland is a story we hear as a kid alongside the easter bunny the tooth fairy yeah santa claus

then eventually you find out all of those things aren't real and then you get to a point where you're like oh i guess so saint patrick isn't real either and your parents like no he's real he's a real dude he's it's he's a real dude. He's a proper person from history. It's the one that is real. So there's a bit of, yeah, murkiness to the legends. Of course, when talking about St. Patrick driving out the snakes, most people believe this legend is actually a metaphor for his crusade to drive out the pagans and druids from Ireland and convert everyone to Christianity.

Right. Kind of mean when you think about it. It's a metaphor. Yeah, I think. It's like, oh, what did St. Patrick get rid of in Ireland? The snakes, the weasels, the rats. And you're like, okay, well, a lot of those creatures are still here. Did I mention traitors?

Yeah. The cowards, the bitches. I don't think that's true. Yeah. The cowards, the bitches. I don't think that's true. Yeah, I did kind of come into this kind of smiling while drinking my glass of Guinness. And now I'm kind of realizing it was a monster and actually probably destroyed a lot of the ancient culture of the island. Yeah, like Christianity did in a lot of places, unfortunately. But even though the whole snake thing wasn't maybe exactly true, there was an encounter that St. Patrick did have with animals,

and that was when he decided to spend 40 days on the mountaintop of the Reek. Now, this was to try and imitate what Moses did in the Bible, which I assume was trying to imitate what Jesus did in the desert. Okay, I'm assuming this mountain we're talking about is Croke Patrick. Yes. Okay. Named that after the events that we're talking about today. Yeah, for sure.

Because I think there's now actually a church at the top called like the St. Patrick Church or something. Yeah, annoyingly I've never done this one actually. Looks so cool. I haven't. I've done a ton. All of my mountainous explorations in Ireland has unfortunately been in the north. I have explored all of the Mourne Mountains. Big Binion, Little Binion, Sleave Donnard, conquered them all. Yeah, it's in County Mayo. So it's unbelievably close to where my mum is from.

So I've been to it many times. She's climbed it a bunch of times. I've never done it. is from so so i've been to it many times she's climbed a bunch of times i've never done it i think every time i've gone to do it as a kid it was uh like really heavy rain it wouldn't have been safe but it looks right yeah i think i've talked about on this podcast before the time that i almost died climbing an irish mountain when the mist rolled in and it got so cold that i was stuck up there and i didn't have the strength to crush a grape in my hand. Why did you have grapes? Because that's just, I don't know why. It was just a snack you packed?

I don't know why. Whenever people go, whenever anyone goes hiking, maybe this is a UK thing or like an Irish thing. Whenever people go hiking, all of your normal logic and sense goes out the window and you almost enter a trance-like state of preparation. Like the things I like to eat in my everyday life are not the things I bring up the mountain. For some reason, as soon as I decide I'm going to go on a hike, my backpack is filled with a single orange yeah a dry biscuit with no cheese or butter like an apple slices in cling film shit you would never eat ever you're basically packing a toddler's lunch to go to

nursery like is it juice box raisins it's like i'm a grown man. I need like a Subway sandwich. Why did I not think I'd want a Monster Energy drink up the mountain? I'm still going to be tired. It's very strange. It is true. So I eat grapes. You know, they talk about, you know, the trend of wearing outdoor gear all the time is called GORP, GORP, GORP clothing. I didn't know that.

Which, if you're curious, stands for good old raisins and peanuts. That's how much hiking is about eating f***ing raisins. There's no way that's what it's called. Good old raisins and peanuts. Bro, I don't make the rules. But getting back to Crook Patrick, but this mountain is so part of St. Patrick's story that it is now a pilgrimage, right, to climb the mountain.

Yes, there is a church up there you can go visit. The mountain is named after him. This is what I'm saying. All of these stories, they're kind of different levels of being folklore that people don't believe

and shit that people swear to this day happened and mountains are named after them and churches are named after them. Yeah. I think you might be supposed to climb it barefoot. Really? Is it a big hike?

Yep. Damn. We should do it. Yeah, the Barefoot Pilgrimage of St. Patrick. What? Pretty badass, man. Should we do this? Yeah.

Go full-on Hobbit mode next time we're down south? Get the hairy feet on? F*** yeah. You know how good a pint of Guininness is gonna taste on top of a mountain feet out i don't think there's guinness at the top i think it's a church a very small little church we do we just learned that you don't know how to pack for a hike and that's much is clear so we got to bring the guinness do you know how good a capri sun is gonna taste the top of that mountain a dairy lee lunchable and a baby bell shit you

never eat anywhere else tiny cheese i never eat cheese unfortunately while saint patrick was up there at the top of the mountain he was he was attacked by so many birds that he had to banish them to hell oh come on now. Just wave them away. You don't need to kill everything. You don't need to banish everything to hell. He's such an itchy trigger finger. Yeah, you know what's interesting though? Because that's often a fun general question of Christianity

is do animals go to heaven or hell? Yeah. We've heard it from the man himself. Hold on now. Yeah, look. He banished heaven or hell? Yeah. We've heard it from the man himself. Hold on, hold on now, hold on now. Yeah, look, he banished them to hell, is how I worded it in the actual story. It's a little more complicated than that. He rang a bell and banished them

to the hollow of Lugna Demon, which is the hollow of demons. Wow. I don't know what that necessarily means, but essentially banishing a demon to a demon world sounds like they're going to hell. I think he just said, Jesus, go to hell.

I think he just said, go to hell. And then they were like, oh, he banished them. He banished them. Yeah, yeah. Maybe he was like pass off you wee f***ers yeah and rang his bell and they all flew away and someone was like my god he did it again master of man and beast i also didn't want to say this kit for your sake but in some variations of this story he was actually also attacked by a demonic female serpent named Cora oh no

yikes what have I done my daughter is named Cora yeah which is a beautiful Irish name see that's honestly pretty I need to write that down because that's actually whenever we were trying to you know pick a name it seems like the name was more from scotland and then it's only famous because of titanic and downton abbey right well there you go now you got a third one now we got a yeah snake beast one yeah that's cool demonic snake okay because when you were picking names you were like do we want to go for like lucifer right medusa med Asmaltor, the fire goddess, or Korra, the snake woman. And you went for Korra,

which I think is a beautiful choice. You know, it's not good whenever you search your daughter's name into Google and then this comes up. Because you can zoom in on. It's a snake demon. It is the head and body of a snake beast. That's not my little girl.

That's crazy. I love that your biggest fear came true. The snakes have made it to Ireland and it's your own daughter. Bro, life is too deep, bro. This is crazy. She's lapping up baby food with her little snake tongue. I'm like, cute but weird. But I get it, Kit.

You in the audience are probably wondering at this point, if all of St. Patrick's stories are about wizard duels and raising people from the dead, why did he become associated with drinking and celebrating? Well, there's a few reasons why, but one of them comes from another story from his journeys across Ireland, one that also has a paranormal side to it. During his mission in Ireland, St. Patrick stumbled into a small inn to get some food and drink for the evening. Hello there! I'll have a whiskey and a stew if you don't mind. The innkeeper poured his drink and prepared his food.

But when she slipped it across the table, St. Patrick was stunned. His whiskey glass was barely full. His stew was no more than a mouthful. He went around every patron of the bar and they had all been served the same measly helpings. Furious at the shopkeeper's greed, St. Patrick flipped out,

telling the shopkeeper that there is a demon in the cellar, feeding off of her dishonesty and greed. And the only way she'll ever kill it is by mending her ways. So sometime later, St. Patrick was in the area and decided to revisit the same inn. Once inside, he immediately noticed happy patrons with whiskey cups filled to the brim. He found the innkeeper and praised her generosity. And the innkeeper was overjoyed. Oh, St. Patrick, I never would have changed if it wasn't for you.

Your metaphor about the demon in the cellar really spoke to me. St. Patrick was confused. Metaphor? That thing's real. That thing's down there. He tastes the soup. Oh God, taste of demon piss.

You need to sort this out, lady. He brought her down to the cellar, and in the corner, there was a starving little demon shriveling away in the corner oh no i just love that idea oh it's like that was actually that analogy really resonated with me about we all have a demon inside you didn't kill the demon sweetie no no no no you misunderstood this story in particular is one that inspires the St. Patrick that we think about today. One that promotes generosity, full whiskey cups and battling our basement demons.

Interesting. Well, I'm very glad they did clarify because I was about to say what the f*** is going on? A demon of greed? That's a weird story, man. It is a really weird story because even when I was reading it, I was like, oh, it's a, it's a metaphor. Like, uh, we all have two wolves inside of us, you know, love and hate. And the, the wolf that lives is the one that you feed. Wow. You know, beautiful. You know, and St. Patrick's like, there's a demon in the basement. You're like, preach brother, the basement you're like preach brother preach

you're like no we need to leave now he's in the lock-in freezer i can hear him banging on the lock-in freezer and i i really actually feel seen by saint patrick's strong opinions on this subject matter because i just feel like it's gonna go better for him though in that situation than when i go to a hipster restaurant and they serve me a tiny portion oh yeah that if i went up to the chef was like brother there is a demon of greed feeding on your soul yeah yeah yeah why would you give me this tiny slice of avocado toast for £10? I told you, I've had to stop going to a number of coffee shops here in London because of the serving sizes. Yes, you are American though, as we've established. So you kind of don't recognize anything smaller than a big gulp of coffee.

Yeah, that is true. But also, if I'm paying i'm paying 650 for a coffee i expect it to be more liquid than would fill a fimble right i'm not one of the borrowers i need more liquid than that in the morning see liquid doesn't doesn't piss me off because i i get that with coffee there's like a an optimum ratio of these things it It's food. Food kills me. Food, yeah. Food, getting maybe that is an Irish thing. Maybe that's built into our DNA a little bit like we're

seeing in the story of we get spiritually pissed off if someone gives us too little food. I ordered a bagel that came with a small amount of cream cheese and I stormed up to the front desk and said, brother, there's a demon among us. And unless he gets his cream cheese, he's going to go loco.

He's going to steal a lot of napkins. Well, I mean, he mentions the whiskey cup. I don't know if everyone knows this, if they're listening from England. Whiskey cups do be running over in ireland compared to england because in england maybe scotland i don't remember a whiskey serving or spirit serving is 25 milliliter in ireland it is at least where we're from it's 35 yeah yeah a little bit more so those cups are a lot of toppling over they really are um But this is just one story. I mean, there's so many reasons why this insane druid battling wizard has essentially been transformed into the St. Patrick we know today. And St. Patrick's Day celebrations were actually in America before they were in Ireland. Wow.

And it's strange just to read about the progression of this holiday because I believe at the start we were commemorating St. Patrick's death the day he died. And part of that was fasting, abstaining from alcohol. Yeah, it would be a religious holiday. And part of that was fasting, abstaining from alcohol. Yeah, it would be a religious holiday. Yeah, but then as it kind of got rolled in with Lent and all of these other holidays, it then became actually more of a day to celebrate, to rejoice, to indulge, to have fun. Much like St. Patrick himself did with his wizard abilities. Look, obviously St. Patrick was a pretty cool, crazy guy. I'm only covering all the insane,

the most insane stories that we have regarding his adventures in Ireland. But of course, what most people know him for and the church knows him for is his work bringing Christianity all across Ireland, baptizing people. There's some stuff kind of in the middle that is both not claimed by the paranormal investigators or the church where I think he got arrested, had to announce publicly that he'd never accepted any gifts from wealthy women. There's a lot of weird stuff where it's like, I think apparently people thought he was very corrupt and taking bribes and all he hung out with

was like rich people. That's the most Irish shit I've ever heard. Come on. What are we doing here? We can't knock the guy for that. I know that there's CCTV footage of me outside the Bellagio,

but I want to say I was there to baptize a pretty hefty gambler who needed redemption. I guess the last thing I'll say on him is like, it's really interesting. You have to remember for how famous this guy is, it's actually a direct product of what he came to Ireland to do. He came to Ireland to, as you say say drive out paganism bring christianity in and this is a thing in countries where christianity has been brought if that country had a big history

of um paganism or similar beliefs or that you know worshiping multiple gods those are the countries where the christianity is big into saints big into worshipping saints because the people at the time they understood that they were like hey we can get behind all these pokemon characters of like you know saint patrick saying whatever and they all have different abilities like you know saint patrick he raised people from the dead and he killed this bull and he did this and did that compared to other countries where like, I mean, take America, for example, where Christianity is massive. It's dominant. People don't really care about saints.

It's just really about Jesus and the Holy Trinity. Yeah, the old stories. Yeah, I do get that. It's kind of like it's a way to kind of connect with the locals and their beliefs a little bit more as a way to kind of step their way slowly into Christianity. Which I think just explains maybe a little bit of why St. Patrick had paranormal abilities, because guess what? The gods that came before him in paganism had paranormal abilities. Yeah, I think, you know, there's some stories, whether they're true or not, if they're being told by pagans, they might be exaggerated.

But yeah, there are stories of St. Patrick getting to the island and the people living there, the Druids, are like throwing children onto rocks and sacrificing people and doing, you know, all this kind of occult stuff. Sounds pretty badass, to be honest. Yeah, it's pretty intense, to be honest. Yeah. It's pretty intense, to say the least. But yeah, it's a very strange part of history to examine. Also, fun little bit of trivia fact for you.

St. Patrick himself was never actually canonized as a saint by the church. What? Because that process was not a part of the church until, know i think hundreds of years after his life okay so for some reason i thought you would have been able to do it in post you definitely can after someone's dead nowadays but maybe then okay yeah wow i need to look i think i think they still do acknowledge that he is an official saint to the church but yeah never officially okay he was maybe just grandfathered in because he was already such an OG. Right. Yeah.

Exactly. They were like, we don't want to piss him off because we think he can come back as well and turn us into snakes and drive us off. So let's stay on his good side. Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, by officially canonizing a saint, it's like admitting they weren't a saint until just now.

He's like, mother f***er, I was born a saint. Don't even offend me by making me me a saint i'm not a saint i sucked that dude's nipples i did what it took you're saying that was for nothing look with all this new knowledge in mind kit are you still gonna celebrate saint patrick's Brother, I'm feeling a bit confused about the whole thing, and I don't really know who to support. But I think in the spirit of that, he's become an emblem of the island

and in the sense of the modern celebration, absolutely. What about you? 100%. I love St. Patrick's Day. It's a day I hold very close to my heart. And even these crazy wild stories aren't going to change the fact that St. Patrick's Day to me is about celebrating our Irish heritage, enjoying time with friends, being merry, having a few drinks, and kicking back and just appreciating life. Because you never know when it's going to end then maybe restart then end again and restart but rory this is an episode of this paranormal life are you squirreling

out of uh coming down to a conclusion you know i hadn't even thought about the fact we have to come down on a conclusion hey you know what actually i'll be able to come down on one very easily. Do I think that St. Patrick himself actually did a lot of these miracles, brought people back to life, shot fireballs out of his hands? No, I don't think so. I think the fact that when you research St. Patrick, there are so many different accounts that they're always ever changing. And there's so many contradicting opinions that alone is probably a good idea that a lot of this stuff is fictitious or it's folklore it's myth it's legend passed down exaggerated changed um i don't think any of the stories that we covered here today have enough evidence to prove that they ever really took place you're going to hell

you're going to hell. You're going to hell for that. I didn't say that. Banished to the halls of Mordor, what do they say? That's what's happening to you, bud. Yeah. We have saints today. There's modern saints.

Saints don't have to be paranormal. So I think he's obviously very important to the church. Unfortunately, even today on St. Patrick's Day, it is a double no. Absolutely gutted. But hey, I will be saying yes to a dozen Guinnesses and maybe a couple of little drinks of Powers Irish Whiskey. This is not brought to you by Powers Irish Whiskey. It isn't. I wish it was.

You're not even affiliated with Powers Irish Whiskey. Yeah, which is a shame because it is actually my family and my lineage, but they kind of cut me out of it, which is fine. I don't take it personally or anything. Yeah, well, it was deserved because you showed yourself to be an irresponsible heir to the fortune, so you were cut out. Just because I mixed Diet Coke with our oldest cask of whiskey in the distillery doesn't mean

I'm irresponsible they had a 150 year old whiskey barrel and I poured in 7 liters of 7-Up diet Dr. Pepper

into the original cask because I had one sip and I was like oh that's a little strong for me I'm gonna throw in a bucket of limes.

But hey, however you like to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with your friends, with your family, listening to some Irish music, enjoying some Irish films, or just chilling out, taking the day off. And we are recording this early in the year. But hopefully, at the time of writing, Ireland have won the Six Nations Rugby Cup. So fingers crossed. Absolutely not happening, but we'll see. Last St. Patrick's Day, Ireland were playing in the Six Nations Rugby and I went to the Irish London Cultural Centre to watch the game.

It's a real place. It exists. And we won it on St. Patrick's day at this center and that was the last time i lost my voice it is hard being an irish sports fan except for rugby except for rugby we're weirdly good at rugby we're really good at rugby it turns out so hey we're gonna have a fantastic saint patrick's day i hope you guys do. If you enjoyed this week's episode and you want to support the podcast and you're too little Irish peasants.

Let's not reinforce stereotypes. We're fine. Toss a coin in the flat cap of your paranormal Irish pals. You know, please, sir, give us a crumb. No. Roy, haven't you heard

we've been subjugated by people no so we're gonna stand up loud and proud and shoot laser beams out of our f***ing eyes well don't threaten them and kill bulls

and say sure please join Patreon yeah cause we need people to that's how this show gets made if we didn't have Patreon we wouldn't be able to make it

so don't threaten them. Guys, is there a demon of greed in your basement? Because you might want to think about that. Think about that. Giving away your fortunes actually diminishes the demon's strength. And if you don't have the money to give yourself, maybe I'll bring back your f***ing dead grandmother and see if she's got a couple of coins lying around. If you do support us on Patreon, one of the rewards that we have for you is a shout out at the end of the podcast.

So let's do some right now. Why not? Let's start with an absolute perfect shout out for today's podcast. Big thank you to Aoife Maria O'Sullivan. Oh my goodness to Aoife Maria O'Sullivan. Oh my goodness, Aoife Maria O'Sullivan. Come get your little ass in here and grab a pint. Aoife's from Barbados. Oh, now I see that.

Her parents, yeah, they left a couple of generations ago, but she's never been to Ireland. There's nothing about it. Barbados. Yeah. So it's really it. Barbados. Yeah. So it's really culturally just, it's pretty. Do you like a pint though, Aoife?

No. She doesn't drink. She likes rum. Oh, rum. Okay. There's more to rum there. Get your ass in here and have a sweat.

I'm going a little piratey now, you see, because that still kind of crosses over. So still thanks, though. Still thanks? Yeah. Hope you're having a great St. Patrick's Day in Barbados. Thank you also to Alf Francis.

Alf Francis is a little bit like Pope Francis. Alf does canonize their own saints. Oh, that's cool. But they're not kind of canonized for doing good deeds or spreading the word. It's more for like... things though right like no it's more for like you know if they did a sick piece of graffiti oh uh it's kind of like street saints if they beat up 12 dudes at once in a street fight you'll get canonized i think that's actually one of St. Patrick's stories. So sorry. So, yeah, that actually...

So actually the crossover is there. So, yeah, I'm actually, personally, I would love to be an ALF saint. Yeah, canonize us, please, ALF. Thank you also to Allison Alien Glasses Williams. I remember Allison telling me

the story about when she got these alien glasses. You know, it was a regular kind of encounter. She was beamed up on board the craft, examined. There might have been a little bit of probing going on there. Whoa. And then Allison was like, whoa, and I get to keep these alien glasses?

Imagine what kind of f***ed up shit you can see with alien glasses. You can probably see the seventh dimension. You can see through buildings and time and space. Yeah, man. She kind of put them on and it was like, it just fixed her vision a little bit.

They had the same prescription? Yeah, the aliens just couldn't see. They were farsighted, so it was kind of hard to read. But the likelihood that it would be the same prescription is insane.

It was a little off. It was a little off. One eye was a little blurry. Yeah, that makes sense. But they really weren't, they didn't do much. do much they didn't have like laser vision or anything so similar eyes to us the eyes are pretty much unchanged so allison i hope at the very least they gave you the gift of being able to read in the dark thank you also to cf i love this a patron of this paranormal life who's smart enough to not reveal any of his personal

information. Because we sell everything. We sell everything to big data. No, we don't. We don't sell it. Palantir, big data companies. That would be illegal if we sold any of your information. I don't think it would. They signed a disclaimer. I'm just saying it's like it's cool. Like, that's what we do. It's classified information. That's

my name, mother f***er. Yeah, don't do that, everyone. Because then we'd be out of business because we because we make so much cash off of selling no we don't we don't sell any personal information i wouldn't be able to say legally for the mibs too to be quite honest we guys sell your information so they don't come for us it's a sweet little deal we have we're a rat we are a rat so thank you thank you to CF Colin Farrell for submitting that little Patreon donation. And thank you

finally today to Gabriela Gonzalez. Gabriela's going to hell. What did she do? She attacked a guy on a mountain. She kind of took a swing at him and unfortunately wrong mountain, wrong time. It was St. Patrick? Yeah. Okay. He just pulled it. It's pretty unfortunate because, wrong mountain, wrong time. It was St. Patrick?

Yeah. Okay. It's pretty unfortunate because she normally makes a living kind of mugging people on a mountain. They don't have anywhere to go. So it's pretty easy pickings. This guy had a bell. Oh, boy. Pulls out the bell.

Next thing you know, shadow realm. Next thing you know, a thousand crows are coming for you. You're barefoot too because we all know what mountain it was yeah uh gabriella i'm sorry i hope you get out of

the demon dimension sometime soon and can join us here on earth for saint patrick's day thank you so much to everyone that supports us

on patreon there's a ton of really cool rewards over there so if you enjoy the show check it out and you can get your very own shout out

at the end of the podcast hell yeah kit it's time to hit the end of the podcast. Hell yeah. Kit, it's time to hit the pubs, brother. Oh my God. Yeah. You know, it was great that they have this now because I've been off the sauce since the start of the year, but I'm still getting to enjoy my Guinness. This episode is not brought to you by Guinness Zero, but it means I can hit the pub.

It is. I'm going to try and split the G a couple of times today. I'm thinking. The only G you're splitting is whenever you share a giant bucket of KFC with Colin at the weekend. You couldn't split a G to save your life. All right, this has been This Paranormal Life. How dare you? So unnecessary.

I can't split the G. I've never done it. All right. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of This Paranormal Life. Remember, everyone, to live fast, investigate, and die young, baby!