This Past Weekend - 12-25-17 | This Past Weekend #62

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

Merry Christmas from Natchez, MS.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 🎵 Celebrate living, celebrate misery 🎵 🎵 You know that soon we're gonna die Let's have some fun while we all die What's up guys? Merry Christmas! It is December 25th in the year 2017 And this is that this is that christmas time you know some places they don't even have christmas when you think about it um hell good luck in hell dude maybe you get easter

some other places they probably don't have it deep in space, underwater, people in a coma. So I think it's that time of year when I want to think, you know, that I'm pretty fortunate to have a holiday like this where you can get together with others and even get together with yourself, crack in a little bit of yourself. You know, sometimes you got to twist that top off of yourself and see if you spoiled or not. And that's what I yourself and see if you spoiled or not. And that's what I think this time is here, Christmas time. You know, a time to really just check in with yourself.

Ask your heart if it's still working. Because you still got a lot of time to kill out here in the universe. Merry Christmas to you guys. I am currently in Natchez, Mississippi, and I just had a little bit of prime rib, so if I sound like I got other animals' bodies in me, that's because I had some prime rib, and that shit was rare.

I was at a house party with some family friends, and sometimes you get in that meat line, and it wasn't like a buffet where you get there and you get get in that meat line and you know it's not it wasn't like a buffet where you get there and you get to pick your meat because if I pick my own meat yeah I get a meat I want but sometime when you're just cruising along in the meat line and you get up there it means that you're gonna get you get what meat you get you know you get what meat you get. And I got a piece of rare, rare meat. I mean, this thing, halfway through it, I thought I could have been a veterinarian. I wasn't sure what side of the realm I was maybe in the fourth year of some type of veterinarian school where you actually get to slice into the animals. Because I had some rare meat. But I'm out here in Natchez, Mississippi and I'm coming to you today from Sharp Sound Design Studios here.

I got a nephew that's in this band called Bishop Gun. And I'll put some of their hits on as we get into the next year. But he has a studio here in Natchez, Mississippi, down here on the water. And it's a really beautiful spot. And so I'm just fortunate to be here. I had to crack into here because the place I'm staying at doesn't have internet. You know, they don't have the World Wide Web. Not every place does.

It's almost like a little Ethiopia out here in Mississippi. And they don't have it. And so I had to drive here into town. And we got into this studio. And it's pretty cool to be here and to be here with you guys today. I want to thank everybody for a wonderful year. You know, I want to thank our charter sponsor gray block pizza, you know,

and if you got, if, if sometime, if you feel your tongue around in your mouth and you feel a lot of extra space in your mouth, then maybe what you need is a little bit of pie, a little bit of pizza pie, some Italian style. Maybe you need to fill your jowls with that marinara on crust and queso. You know, you need to get that pizza.

You need to get that hit up. And you can do that at grayblockpizza.com. You know, I've had a wonderful experience so far here on Christmas. I got to spend time with my family. I, you know, it's Christmas Eve right now, technically. You know, so some of you guys will hear this on Christmas Day. And I got to spend, we did Christmas at my family's house yesterday. And my sister lives out there in Santa Ma, Louisiana.

And it's a good place to get, you know, medium, mediumly educated. Good place to meet an animal. If you ever wanted to get to know an animal on a first name basis. I spent some time at her house and they had two bunnies. One of them is a show bunny and one of them is just, you know, a bunny that's not really trying to be a model or trying to be fancy. And it actually had some congestion. And I put a picture of it on my Instagram.

One of the bunnies was dealing with some congestion. But it was nice to be around animals and just around family. And we had a really nice time out there. Had some donuts. My stepfather was out there and he was in a war. And so he talks about that a lot of bit because he gets dementia. And it's pretty wild when dementia gets into your brain. Dementia is basically it's like the enemy. And dementia is like

dementia is like, you know, that kid in school that didn't study, didn't do any homework, never knew what the fuck was going on, never had any books, never had any pencils, you know, never washed his books, never had any pencils, never washed his hair, sometimes had body lice, that sort of stuff. That's kind of like what dementia is. And that person starts living inside of your head, and you slowly start to become that person when you're a senior citizen. And that's something that my stepdad was going through,

and he was talking a lot about being in the war and stuff like that. But the best you can do usually if somebody has that is hold their hand or talk to them about the war a little bit. Maybe give them some donuts. You can offer to give them beer, but don't give them beer or liquor, but don't even give them liquor.

So we had a nice time over there. And then I came up into Mississippi today. I got some other family up here. And I used to work on a farm up here when I was younger. I used to work on a soybean and corn and cotton farm. And my buddy of mine, a good friend of mine, who I worked on his farm, he passed away years ago. But he has a couple of children up here. And I come up here on Christmas Eve and we spend time together. So we had a really, you know, just a nice time.

Went to church today, went to a three o'clock mass. I didn't know they had that. You know, that afternoon mass, it's kind of like the same time. Like if you've ever been to the grocery store at midnight, it's kind of the same type of clientele, you know. A lot of risque sisters and, you know, a lot of troubled brothers and risque sisters in there, you know, looking for the Lord. Because you know something's going on if you come looking for the Lord in the afternoon. But we had a nice time at the church today, so that was pretty beautiful.

And, you know, just getting to just feel the joy of being around other people, you know. And that's one of the things that I was just reminded of is just to quit thinking sometimes and just be. Just be where I am. When I get that urge to go look at my phone, just to let that urge go. Instead, just reach out and touch somebody that's close to me as long as I know them. As long as legally I'm able to touch them. That's just what I'm trying to do. That's what I'm going to try to do tomorrow.

And a little bit more this Christmas holidays is just slow it down. Hit that slow button. Hit that pause. And get that. And it's been a good year. And I thank you guys so much. I thank all of my Patreoners. I'm going to put a video up later on

on YouTube only of the time I spent with my family, so you guys will be able to check in and get to meet a little bit of them. It was hard to record because it's so loud in there, especially with animals and people interacting, because animals don't know that it's Christmas.

Sometimes you see an animal, and you're like, oh, yeah, that animal know that it's Christmas. You know, sometimes you see an animal and you're like, oh yeah, that animal knows that it's, you know, Halloween or that animal knows that it's leap year. But if you think that, that's honestly, and not to, you know, throw stones at you, but that's bullshit. That's crazy.

And it was just, you know, when you got a lot of people with dementia and you got animals and you got a lot of children running around, it's joyous, but it's a tough time to record something where you can hear everybody artfully and good. But I'll do what I can with that video and put it up on YouTube later on Christmas Day. What else? You know, I had a pheasant earlier for dinner next to that prime rib. I had a little bit of a pheasant.

I had a pheasant earlier for dinner next to that prime rib. I had a little bit of a pheasant and man, this thing, the meat is so small on a pheasant almost. And I just seen that movie downsize downsizing last night with Matt Damon. And I'll talk about that in a minute, but this pheasant seemed like, you know, if you ever had a pheasant,

you feel, I don't want to say you feel like a pervert, but, you know, you almost want to check the, you know, like you almost want to get consent from its parents before you even eat it. Because that thing, it comes in a little, you feel like you shouldn't really be getting to know it as well as you're getting to know it if you ever had a pheasant. So that was so that was that was tough to get through it was tough to get through as a young man you know especially these days where you don't even know how you can talk to a you know someone of the other you know how you're going to relate to the opposite sex and you know you just want to be careful in these days and tread softly it was a little you know I felt a little risque eating that pheasant.

And I felt almost at one point like I should put a little prophylactic on my tongue because it's just, I don't know. If you haven't had one, you don't know what I'm talking about. If you have had one, then you're right here with me. That they should put something. In the future, I would like to know that these pheasants are, you know, at least 19, 20 years old, at least are 25 or 30 years old. So if I eat them in the future, I'm going to try and do a little bit more background history,

a background search on some of these, you know, novice birds that I'm putting into my gullet. I'm putting, putting into my face, especially here into my face, especially here on Jesus' birthday. So that's it. I'm not going to do a long cast today, guys. And it's because it's your Christmas too. And we're out here together and I'm trying not to... One thing about Christmas,

sometimes I get so many texts and I feel responsible to give out so many texts and that just becomes, and you can spend half your day on your phone just responding to people and replying to people. It's almost like you don't even get to enjoy the essence of the peace that's presented to us sometimes at this time of year.

So I'm going to try to do that a little bit more over these next couple of days, and especially on tomorrow. I saw that movie Downsizing. The first 38 minutes of it, phenomenal. I'm a big Matt Damon fan. And the first 38 minutes of that film, man, it will make you want to just it'll make you pet your

own eyebrows that shit is just straight joy into your face but after that it got real ambitious and it turned into this it turned into a psa on not only on climate change but on i guess on you know how we live in the world and poverty and, you know, it had some great ideas, but it was just way too much. It was supposed to just be like a fun movie about getting small. And suddenly it was this heavy movie that was very confusing. And so if you're, you know, planning to go see it, I would wait. I'd wait till it comes out on something that's a little more easily to view it on and then I would split that cost with somebody

else who's curious about it or just watch the first 38 minutes and make up your own ending that's what we did we went to the film and we saw it there and then we kind of decided to think about how would we you know view the film a new ending that we would come up with. So I wouldn't recommend it, but I don't think it's a bad movie. I just, you know, it was the only movie that I've walked out of. And one of the things was I was about to walk out

and then some other people walked out. And to me, those people in my mind, you know, being judgmental, I was like, those people look dumb. And if they're dumb and they're walking out, then I felt dumb for staying. You know, I felt even dumber. So, I mean, that just shows you where my head was at anyway. Just sitting there, you know, stuck in judgment and stuck in weird shit in the middle of the night in the movie theater. But I'm glad I wasn't spraying out in there. I'm glad I wasn't doing nothing perverse.

You know, I one time, man, I'm at a damn, you know, I've made some poor choices in some of these theaters, but you know, but that's, that's the past and we're moving onward. But I, uh, I want to thank you guys for just being a part of the podcast this year. I want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. And I hope that you, you know, if you feel a moment in your heart today or tomorrow or this week during the holidays to reach out to somebody or to reach across the room and hug somebody extra or to fucking shake a little motherfucker in the neck a little, you know, or to just take somebody's pulse. Sometimes that's the most sexy thing you can do is just walk up to somebody, a family member, a loved one, even a child that's healthy, you know, and that's not that you don't have

any interest in and just take, take their pulse, you know, just put your hand on that artery and just feel their life in them. Get that hitter right off their neck and that's free. Just remind yourself what you're on earth with. Other humans. Other people out here living life and doing things. Because that's what it is, man. I feel like in the end, when it comes down to it and they roll you down into that hole or they, you know, a couple people, you know, throw you out in a hole or whatever, however, whatever burial you're going to get.

You probably are reaching up, wishing you had just one last touch. You know, somebody sings a song. I think it's just called I'm just looking for some touch. And it's, you know, I really think that's what we're all looking for. So I wish that everybody has a wonderful holiday. I wish you keep your heart open, keep your head open, and touch somebody. Take somebody's pulse. Touch somebody's neck.

If you are, touch somebody's nuts or crotch if you're with them like that. If you have that connection. Be a part of somebody's life. You know, just get it out of your body. If you got to get something out of your body, you got to get that feeling of joy out of you. Legally, get it out of you. Because this is the time of year to do it. This is that last week of the year.

This is that run up to the new year. This is the finish line. So finish this thing strong, solid. Finish this thing with your heart open. You know, finish this thing popping off, setting off. Don't be, you know, getting up early to jerk off or don't be, you know,

doing a bunch of pills or popping Percocets out there. Take care of yourself. Love somebody that needs to be loved. Love yourself. That's what I'm going to try to do. Love somebody that needs to be loved. Love yourself. That's what I'm going to try to do. Because man, we all struggle and I'm not preaching at you. But I'm preaching with you.

You know, I'm trying to be here in your corner. And it's Christmas, man. You know? And if you see a kid loving that Christmas boy, make it even more lovable for him. You know? Put a little chocolate on, you know, put a little chocolate on somebody's neck or back. When I was young and, you know, we didn't have a lot of money, my mother would put chocolate on us, just like on our shoulders. And the big thing was to try to lick the chocolate off of each other's shoulders when we were children.

And it was like a free game that we could play. It only cost my mother about $1.50 to get that bottle of chocolate sauce. And we'd get all, you know, we'd just get them chocolate shoulders going on and just running around

just trying to lick each other's shoulders. You know, we were all family, most of us, except sometimes some neighbor kids. But we were close enough where there wasn't

nothing wrong about it. We were just enjoying each other's company. So, you know, it's nice to have those memories and share those memories with your loved ones.

If you ever had something special happen during the holidays, share it with a loved one. Don't keep, just don't keep it inside. If you got something pretty sitting inside, you let that bird out

and let that bird land in somebody else's cage for a little bit. That's all you got to do to let it loose. I promise you that thing will land. Whatever that bird land in somebody else's cage for a little bit. That's all you got to do to let it loose. I promise you that thing will land. Whatever that bird is, a story, a moment, a feeling, a memory, a touch, a promise, an apology. Let that bird out. Let that bird land somewhere. I promise you it will. All right, man. Thank you guys for being with me on this Christmas. Merry Christmas to you.

Happy Hanukkah to you. Happy holidays. Happy everything. Whatever you like. If you're agnostic or you're atheist, look, you want to be out there freestyling, go on. Get out there. But I'll see you on the other side, man, or I won't. But if I get to that other side, I'm going to send you a little message, you know, something naughty, you know, I might put a little bit of a thumbtack in you,

in your Reese cup or something wild like that to let you know that I'm out there because I'm going on, man. You know, I'm not staying here. I'm not staying here. I'm not staying here stagnant. I'm going on. When I go, I'm going on. Onward. All right, man. Merry Christmas. Be good to yourselves. You probably deserve it. And I will.

I'll see you guys next episode. Thank you so much. Also have to get in this ad one more time. We have one for live tree live tree. You can check it out. If you're tired of watching films like I saw, downsizing, they're no good, we can change it. The future of films is in the hands of the consumer.

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See what the future can look like and how you can be a part of it. With that ad out of the way, thank you guys so much for your support and I love you, man. I'm trying to anyway. Fuck. I don't know what,

sometimes I don't know what I'm trying to do, but I am trying and I'm not going to stop that part of it. All right, be good. Bye-bye. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

standup stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, it's me, T.O. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

Do you know what I mean? I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.

Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.