This Past Weekend - All Aboard | This Past Weekend #203

Episode Date: June 4, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo is back from Bali and Australia to recap his trip and take some voicemails. This episode brought to you by… Chris Distefano Podcast Listen every Thursday wherever you find podcasts Omaha Steaks https://omahasteaks.com type PAST into search bar to receive Omaha Steaks Father’s Day Steak Fix package, valued at $235 dollars, for just $59.99 Free Fly https://freeflyapparel.com and use promo code TPW for 10% off Uncommon Apotheary https://UA-CBD.com and use code THEO for 10% off at checkout Hit the Hotline [phone] Music “Every Night” by Jameson Flood https://soundcloud.com/jameson-flood Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Baltimore Ben Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Brandon Kirkman Bubba Hodge Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Charles Herbst Christina Christopher Stath Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh COREY ASHMORE Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook Danny Gill David Christopher David Smith Donald blackwell Doug Chee Drew Munoz Dusty Baker Evan Green Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kaitlin Mak Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lauren Williams Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Marisa Bruno Matt Kaman Meaghan Lewis Megan Daily Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Butcher Nick Lindenmayer Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Passenger Shaming PF24 Gang Gang Qie Jenkins Quinn Hassan Rachael Edwards Rachel Warburton Randal Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Scott Wilson Sean Scott Season Vaughan Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Stefan Borglycke Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Hunsell II Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Travis Simpson Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Zach Buckman Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

did you know that um well I don't know I don't I don't know exactly but they said starfish could be gay I heard somewhere so I don't know what we're gonna do today's episode is brought to you by gray block pizza gray block get that hitter today's episode is brought to you by the one and only comedy central comedy central has your new favorite podcast and it's called stand up with Chris de Stefano every week Chris and his producer will be listening to and discussing some of the greatest stand up of all time from classic bits out of comedy central's library to jokes from today's hottest up and coming

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podcasts I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home and my mind is somewhere else but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been now I'm just holding on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it come on but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself

on why shine that light on me come on now I'll sit and tell you my story shine on me and I'll leave you for the fall I will sing it just for you and that is you know shine by bishop gun grateful to them for being alive in the same time period as we are or as I am anyway I can't speak for you but oh and you think about that what if you were in some people you might not get to know somebody because they born at a different time period think about that

think about that oh do you know uh you know Carol you know little Carol and people are like I don't know her yeah because she was born in 1804 oh well then yeah don't know her think about that what about big Samuel you know big Samuel with the braids he got the French braids and he you know he always selling bags of yeast down there by the river you know yeasty Sam no I don't where's he from oh you know he's from you know by the river banks no when how old is he go he's about 25 you know he was born in in 1834 oh well don't know him can't know him and they just wow what if what if your best friend you know

isn't even born yet they're gonna be born in two years and you and you so you missing out because y'all's time isn't synced up think about that you so you next thing you know you're milling around a preschool and people like hey you was you know hey hey hey hey hey hey Judy hey Judy what you're doing out here by the preschool and Judy says oh well you know little ah little Cecile you're right there the four-year-old I think we got vibes you know friendship vibes you know buddies you know you know vegeta you know teamwork team tits hashtaggers you know friendship and they're like oh nah you know you 25 years

older than her so you can't hang out here gonna call the police you know timing is so important that you know timing is important and that you never know sometimes you might miss your best friend because you the timing wasn't right you know you might be your best friend might be four and you might be 61 but y'all you know and now and now you can't even be friends with somebody because the law says it's fucked up or the law says it's wrong it's wrong if a senior citizen wants to be buddies with a seven-year-old with somebody that's in second grade and wants to you know hang out with them on the weekends or

whatever and do cigarettes or whatever it's interesting timing how important it is I'll tell you about this timing so I just crossed to the international date line and I thought it was gonna be a really good episode hosted by Lester Holt but it isn't it is um it is a line let me research it for you real quick international date line here's what it is it was established in 1884 it passes through the mid-pacific ocean and follows a 180 degrees longitude north south line on the earth so that means it's up and down it's long it's top to bottom you know it's uh it's it's a horizontal no it's vertical line it's

located halfway around the world from the prime meridian and when you cross it the day changes well it's an imaginary line also it's not really real so you can't get out there and you know you're not gonna see a big twizzler running from the north pole to the south pole or something you're not gonna see a you know any buoys or anything like that or you know a guy out there with a whistle pointing you know Thursday this way Wednesday that way you know it's just it's where the day changes anyway I crossed it when I flew to Australia and back and I'm now back here in the US on US soil and I'm back here and I'm in a

new studio we're in a new studio so if you're on the YouTube's is you know this is different it's different in here we have more space hello might sound different in the back when I yell hello and nobody's listening so just you know some changes going on I walk damn I'm nervous you know I'm never I walk in and I'm in my mind it's like oh well it's just gonna be it's gonna feel suddenly like home and it's gonna be you know nothing everything will be kind of set up and everything will be but you know we have a couch that you know premature Nick he got it on it you know so we have some furniture we got a chair we have a

couple bags had some croissant somebody had that are empty now from the coffee bean couple couple C bags couple croissant bags and we have a lot of empty space and a lot of possibility those are the things that we have in here so yeah just a lot going on at the second you know being in a new place getting home having to come into the into the studio and decide okay do I want to be confident when I get in here you know because Nick's here Gianni is here with their new movie his new movie is out now the movie ma ma and go see it it's basically like it's like fraternities meet kind of interracial dating I think is what it is

it's kind of like you know what is that called it's like kappa apartheid alpha omega or something like that it's like yeah it's just you know it's got kind of a hurt it's really good it's scary we'll see I'm gonna go check it out but we're definitely excited that you know to support him and be supportive of him the but yeah man I got in here and I just didn't I was like man okay do I be nervous do I just be confident don't walk in here and act like okay I know everything we're gonna do and and you know Nick and Gianni had already been here they move stuff in so they've had a little more acquaintance and they were

just excited they were excited about the opportunity and so you know I just I just tried to ride their excitement because I honestly just a little bit scared I guess you know like taking on new responsibility all the rent in here is twice as much you know the walls don't look the same not to mention the other place is gone you know the other studio is not it you know everything's out of there so it's I mean it still exists like in a location inside of us but in our memory and in in time but it doesn't exist the same anymore right now and so we're here we're in something new it's like we're traveling like when

a baby comes out the body you know when a baby comes out the body they got think about all of that first the baby's been in there getting jacked up on you know on that mom sauce whatever mom's been having sweet potatoes chocolate pickles a little bit of frickin gin you know maybe a little bit of vom Mayer's rum or something at night especially if it's winter time a little bit of that you know what is that egg batter and cognac or whatever the eggnog so the baby you know when they decide to leave the womb they really that's a brave move cuz it's basically they're just there in there laying up in there it's like being at

the Hampton Inn but the room kind of you know but nobody's the maid hadn't come and cleaned your room in a while and they got a lot of you know they got you the baby you're in that little Hampton Inn inside of your mother they got the fessies over there and they got the you know just a bunch of pita hut little you know boxes from all the snacks you've been having you got to go and then you you know you slide out of your mother out into the world and it's a new experience and that's where we are right now in this new experience so yeah just nervous excited for the opportunity hopeful I think I had a moment where I

was like oh wow I'm part of like it's you know I really have to be more part of a team right now then I'm just you know because I need I need help I need help from my co-workers and I'm just you know I'm grateful to have them man I got just got back from Australia and I just I gotta say it was amazing the last show they had 3,000 people in Brisbane Brisbane Australia and man I can't I'm trying to think of like what if I just I don't know it feels like you can't thank everybody enough it feels like you know you walk out there I felt like damn Joel Austin out there you know I felt like I wish I had a big water gun

full of holy water and just you know just filling people's mouths up from 50 yards away you know just just just just pressure washing the devil off of people it was just you know it was like a bit it was just it was interesting and then it's hard to tell if people are laughing as much when it's in a big space but I got such a great response just from people over social media and then we went to the koala park and saw the koalas and saw the kangaroos and if you never seen a kangaroo they it's like it's like when they it's kind of like the first time somebody tells you oh that's your cousin or your second

cousin or they introduce you to your uncle that you never met you're like damn uncle Ronnie got some short arms and a big ass you know oh dang you know uncle Ronnie's out there eating leaves off of the off of the shrubbery like damn it may it made me I was shocked at that huge that that their species I was shocked that we're all have you know atoms in us that are similar because a kangaroo was like something you know it's basically a kangaroo is like the El Camino of the animal kingdom it is the it is the it's got a fucking it's got a I don't know what it is got like a dragon tail it got that it's got the

body of a arm kind of like a thick girl like a real thick bitch that likes to fight you know kind of like a thick girl that doesn't you know that likes to thumb-rassle real heavily with others and it and then it's got the head of like a kind of a dog like a um Doberman like a lean Doberman that's on keto diet sugar-free Doberman that SFD and it's it just it blows your mind you're like holy shit this is an animal now and that's Australia it's got unique animals it's got unique animals and you know what one thing I loved about Australia I'll say this Australia is that there's a country that I've visited that I could

go easily see myself to live in it would be Australia and then one of the things that I loved is that they still have a strong sense of being Australian it feels like it felt like to me this is my perception and at the airport you could still go say body or loved ones or you could meet somebody at the gate so it's just really beautiful because you still see like a lot of like what it means to travel and be somewhere new like in America you can't see that anymore I remember when I was young your mom could walk you to the gate and watch you cry in the little tunnel as you flew off to meet grandma and that's natural you know

if you're a child and you're about to fly four hours to see some senior citizens I mean I don't make I don't bring a tear to anybody's eye and especially if you if you if you step grandfather is addicted to Marlboro Reds and he does them indoors and shit and you can't eat you know so right after dessert right after a couple cups of pudding at grandma you got to sit there and and get that secondhand smoke off a poppy but but yeah man the one of the things about that is you when you see people hug at the gate and you see people like say goodbye to each other at the gate like you could in Australia you see like human

affection you see human interaction and it makes you kind of it gives like more of a meaning to what travel is and so I saw I would see that at the different place and we flew I think to I think we had maybe seven flights or six flights within the country once we got there and you you're like oh wow this is oh yeah this person is coming to see someone this person is leaving someone they care about and and it just it reminded me of that time in the US when you could do that you could go to the gate and greet somebody and greet a loved one you didn't have to have a ticket you could still be there to see them come or to

see them go and I miss that it just added so much more meaning to travel it added so much more meaning to coming and going because you saw others you know just to see somebody say goodbye to someone it's like oh wow that's human interaction this that's connection to see somebody give a kiss to somebody that they that they you know maybe they they're not gonna see them for you know a couple weeks or a couple months or who knows how long and in your mind you process oh I wonder I wonder if they you know if this is their first time this ever their first weekend that they ever hung out and it was great and now one

of them's leaving or if they've been together for years and one of them's leaving you get to see a kid get get to the gate and run up and and his uncle is there to give him a big hug and you know or the grandpa or the grandpa and grandma are there see him hug the baby and lift up the baby for the first time you get to see that and it just you know I think that's to me that's when something happened in America years ago when something changed a lot was right around that time and I feel like it was after 9-11 when that things just got a lot stricter and a lot more serious and and and we started to take out some of

the things that reminded us how human we are but that's one thing I loved about Australia was seeing that that's one of the honestly my favorite things about the country was just seeing that getting to see that at the airport at the airport when we get in and when we leave it was just I don't know I liked it you know I like just seeing I liked seeing humans be able to I don't know just express some of their feelings and have a space to do that or or just I don't know I just it reminded me that I was human a little bit more it reminded me that I was amongst others it just seeing connection is seeing it just I

don't know it did say it was something different it was something that I wasn't used to you know I saw some exotic animals but one of the most exotic things I saw was people display in human interaction in public at the airport flight gates what else was my experience like I just have so much going through my head right now like I can't even tell you just being in this place and just a lot a lot of cool stuff but thank you so much to everybody you know went to Perth if you've been to Perth or not in Australia but it's basically it's like somebody it you know it's it almost looked like it went out of business and

then they just restarted it back up and we went to Brisbane where else oh went to Adelaide that was wild it was like kind of a sleepy time I couldn't tell what place was kind of like what like if okay if this city is more like Chicago or if this city is more like New York or if this city is more like Tampa I think I needed more time people think a lot of times that the trip when you're touring doing a shows that it's like vacation it's not it's work you know it's a lot of come and go and I just want to thank so many nice people reached out and brought gifts there's still a couple gifts that people brought me to the last

show that I haven't even opened up yet some nice t-shirts and MMA guys came and one of them had a move called the hard scarf that you know this guy in my neighborhood used to put people in somebody wore a RIP Billy Confarto shirt it was it was a next level man it was next level I just can't believe it I'm like how did all these people know that I was coming I mean I mean I know they know because like the podcast and because of social media but it just doesn't it didn't didn't add up really into my head like that this many people would would be here and so I just want to say thank you and we did it you know

we did it you know that's one thing I'm realized when I walk on that stage and that there's people out there is that we did this and that if you are somebody who is wondering if you can do something that you want to do I'm not like preaching at you or anything but but honestly man I've doubted myself every every step along the way I've doubted myself and and I still doubt myself but I've but I have not but I but I'm but I'm doing it but I'm doing it but I'm not but I haven't really stopped my feet from moving forward you know and I'm not telling you that to preach it or anything I just I'm just trying to find a

way to share some of my experience in case there's somebody like me you know who wonders wolf what do I do you know if I want to do you know chase a dream or do this or do that and there's a little voice inside of you whatever it is that will tell you the right thing to do next or it'll it'll convince you from time to time and sometimes that little voice might even be the voice of somebody outside of you that catches your frequency and and yeah just I don't know I'm saying I could think I'm selling kind of preachy I'll tell you this though a couple weeks ago this company free fly apparel sent me some snazzy

shirts and I mean snazzy like if you want to look nice but not like you know you're going to the prom or you're going to like you know they're opening up a new power plant in your town and that and it's cut and they're doing a ribbon cutting like dude look if you got a power plant I don't you know I'll stay home sound like somebody might get electrocuted but free fly can have you looking however you want to look the clothes are made from butter soft bamboo and look I got to say you think bamboo you like you know we've all we've all heard the story about the boy in my neighborhood growing up whose dad made

him a arm a wooden shirt but when you wearing that butter soft bamboo you ain't really shocked if they are if a koala or a panda rolls up and tries to chew on your shirt sleeve it's surprisingly comfortable in fact it makes you feel like you're wrapping yourself in a little bit of Costa Rica or something exotic but so soft you like is this bamboo is this shampoo this is comfortable the team behind free fly are a wife and husband duo of Nike marketers and her Montana fishing guide brother they identified a big problem outdoor clothing was too complicated and too uncomfortable together they quit

their jobs and made it their mission to create the most comfortable shirt imaginable free flies bamboo clothing has natural UPF sun protection wicks away moisture and won't hold odor that's huge if you run in them under you know you got if your underarms is like little tall it's little septic tanks then you got to tighten them up and you don't want to be carrying that dirty dirty on you the clothes fit well and come in natural color palette with subtle branding and that is that's very accurate I got this beautiful kind of blue when this long sleeve perfect from fishing to hitting the gym or lounging around the house

this stuff is the real deal free fly is now my go-to clothing you have to check it out today with Father's Day just around the corner gear up for adventures with dad you can get 20% off when you visit free fly apparel and use promo code TPW that's F-R-E-E-F-L-Y-A-P-P-A-R-E-L free fly apparel dot com and use promo code TPW that's free fly apparel dot com promo code TPW oh let's take a call actually you know what I want to talk about this I was man on this past tour you know I was out of town for three weeks and I want to thank you guys for putting up with everything while we were out of the studio and you know it's one

thing I noticed was I was I was you know they had a tour manager so a tour manager so somebody like kind of meets you along the tour and takes you you know like takes you from one city to the next and just make sure you kind of know what's going on in each place especially since it's international and I realized like I found myself getting real antsy with the with the tour management group and they were great I just noticed about myself like man I would get real short with them when I'd see them in the morning I would be like and I would be like just like a just a kind of like a cranky kid and I was thinking like what

the fuck is going on man like I don't behave this way what is going on and I started to realize it took me man it took me probably the first four cities I think they didn't really know what like by the end of the day I would be nicer but in the beginning I was just so like I was just short with people I wouldn't look them in the eyes and I wasn't like I was being mean I was being mean right but I wasn't doing it on purpose I was just uncomfortable I just didn't feel good and I knew that I was not feeling good I just didn't know what to do and I started to realize that I don't like I don't like it when people have to help

me like I don't like getting help from other people you know I want to do stuff on my own like I can do it that's what I think to myself I can I don't need help I can do this you know I don't want anybody to help me you know I don't need anybody I can do it better or I can do I can do it and I'm just kind of talking about that because you know I needed help I just didn't want to admit it I didn't want to I don't know I was just all I just always been so used to doing things for myself that that I didn't want to say that I couldn't do them for myself or that I

wanted to even let somebody else have the opportunity to help me I didn't want anybody to have the opportunity to help me because if you help me then somehow that's like a weakness of mine if you help me then it shows me that that I'm able that I'm capable of like connecting then I'm in a weakness because I'm trying to get these words right if I let you help me why don't I like people helping me because I can do it myself and if you realize that I and if I let you see that I can't do it myself or if I let you help me then it I'm just trying to get these I'm trying to get my feelings hooked to my words sorry if

this kind of all over the place but this is just something that's really really really hit me this on this trip because I never had this type of experience you know I just didn't want to look people in the eyes I didn't want to like if I needed like if you were helping me I didn't want you to see see the look in my eyes that look that showed that I knew you were helping me I was keeping that to myself like I just didn't want I didn't want to be someone who needs help because to me it was like a weakness you know it was like it gave you like an ability to connect with me that I just wasn't ready for you know

I'm fine with being friends I'm fine with you know joking around I'm fine with having fun but when it came to a moment where I needed you because you knew something that I didn't or that you when it came to a moment where I was gonna show you that I couldn't help myself or that that was a moment I just couldn't do I couldn't do those moments where it looked like I couldn't fend for myself I don't know I know some of that's all over the place and I'm sorry but I was really just trying to figure it out I'm just me I just don't like that you know I like to be able to do things I'm just so used to it like I think at a level

even inside of me in the fabric of me like in the stitching of my core you know I think I just realized at a certain point in my life but you know when at a youthful point that or something or even when I was a zygote that I'm gonna have to do this myself and and that's what I'm gonna do and so I'm not I'm never not gonna do that it's almost like I made a deal with myself like I'm never not gonna do this myself and so now that the touring gets a little different and people are on board and people are helping it's like it's really tough for me to let somebody help me that's one thing I've kind of realized it's really

really tough for me to let somebody help me and it and it almost have an adverse reaction to it because if I show you that I need help from you then that means that that that gives you an ability to connect with me and that's scary to me I think so that's why I think I don't know some of this stuff I need to do a little bit more of work on and think about but it was just something that was heavily on my mind so I wanted to share it with you guys but thank you so much to everybody in Australia that came out I'm happy to be back home I have some jet lag I just

literally about seven minutes ago just got hit by jet lag pretty heavy which is a tough tough thing to try and explain how you're feeling at the same time and I'm sorry for taking you guys on that wormhole but I just don't wish I knew exactly what I was thinking more man I just it really it really hurts me somewhere to admit that I need help or to admit that I that I'm not doing something by myself you know it just makes me feel scared it's a scary thing and I didn't know that until I was on this experience and I'm in another country and you know there's a group people that are helping out and they're

helping and I'm just I was so upset and I couldn't figure out why and I wasn't upset with the audience or like the shows or I didn't there wasn't anything like that it was all just you know behind the scenes and and so I'm grateful that the tour manager and and their company like put up with me for a couple days while figured it out and then I started going to some different 12-step meetings and it helped me kind of calm down and get into a better space but anyway enough about that man I want to take a couple of calls that came in here we go what's up Christian over there in Ohio thank you for calling man

onward I am 40 years old and you said something not that long ago you said something like I'm afraid to let myself grow up with the things without the things I always wanted because they're not there and it made me think a lot and I was like wow there's a lot of things that I thought I would have by the time I'm 40 or things that I thought I would do and try and stand up with there's something that was a bucket list item but I never really thought I don't know it's like it was something I would have to work a long time to be able to do one time and yeah man I just wanted to give it a shot so tonight we got about

five minutes and then I'm gonna give it a go so thank you for the inspiration and the last and all that so yeah word man well thank you for calling in with that dude good luck with that first time wow yeah look I think sometimes that it's like you know we create these store we have these stories that get built into us that we can't do certain things you know I was just talking with a friend of mine yesterday you know she's going on a vacation and she just spent you know like $5,000 to go on a vacation which is a big sum of money and it's a vacation and you know and she said you know I just I never knew if I could she's

like as I'm spending the money she's like I've something felt wrong about it and she's like I was it felt wrong because I was spending the money on something that I wanted to do for myself and not spending the money on just some like oh you have to save for this or you have to save for that or you have to have this savings plan or it was like it was it was like against the norm it was just me spending money on something that I wanted for myself even a good experience like travel like you can't just up and travel for a month and she's like yes I can she's like and as I did it it just felt so wrong but at the same time it

just felt so kind of perfect like oh this is what I'm supposed to do this is I'm supposed to do things that I want to do in the world I'm supposed to do new experiences I'm not just supposed to save every dime and put it away in this shoebox or put it away for this and have safe keeping and and never try the things I always wanted to try and it really hit me I was like wow that's so interesting when yeah when you spend money on something that you kind of want sometimes especially like a thing like travel or a musical instrument or or doing something that's that you've always wanted to do but that's out of

the societal norm it feels foreign almost to us because sometimes we get the built into this world where it's like oh this is the next thing oh you go to cut you go finish school then you go to college then you did get this and then you get a job and then you get another job and then you it's like well what if we didn't do it that way what if one day I just said to my boss hey I'm gonna go for a month in travel which is what my friend is doing you know she said I'm gonna go for a month in travel and then I bought the ticket and next thing you know I feel like I'm wandering out into a whole different world of interaction

with life than I have been previously because I'm doing something that I want to do but yeah like you said it's like you think it can take you know you thought stand up with something you had to try you know work out for a long time just to get them and even try dude I remember I drove across the causeway about 30 miles I've been upset my whole life that my dad was so old when I was born and I've been making fun of them in my head to make me feel okay about him being so old and then I just stood up on stage and started telling jokes about it and so it was just you know it's and everybody has their own experience but getting up

and talking about something that's just been running around in your head you know a lot of the work for trying stand-ups already been done you've been alive that's the research the research for doing stand-up in the practice is being alive now the repetition is something that takes you know time but the ability for it for you to do it to have the gunpowder that's already packed inside of you and the microphone that's just the that's the flint and that's what's gonna light it but let's hear the rest of your call thank you for calling in Christian yeah man right I wanted to thank you and share the fact that I'm

gonna get up on stage later today and either shit myself or make some people that so gang brother and I hope it went good let's take another call here here we go the hotline is always is nine eight five six six four nine five zero three what's up do you know my name is Kate I've been seeing a girl for about a year and a half now and what's up Kate thank you for calling you've been seeing a girl for a year and a half that's a long time these days that's a that's almost like a first marriage onward and we've been on and off so we were never truly official and I guess maybe that's partially my fault and I could admit that

but uh basically what's happened here is about three weeks ago I finally asked this girl to be my girlfriend there you go boy you're sliding in and that that deal deal deal oh you want that oh would you be my boyfriend my girlfriend let's hear more and she said yes which is awesome but my best friend let me know that uh he hooked up with this girl about a month and a half ago when we weren't officially together so I'm dealing with this whirlwind of emotions feeling mad feeling bad feeling betrayed and not really sure what to do and it does seem like it was a mistake that they both regret but I just feel hurt

man and I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with this so give any advice is the path to forgiveness the right way to go gang gang you're the man gang gang bro I'm barely a man by genetic coding only man the rest of me it's hit or miss some days dude because I can be a real bad you know this makes me think okay when I was when I was when I was in school when I was in high school I was in love with this girl and she had been seeing some guy before me that she lost her virginity too right and and you know what I'm saying some girls you know you they lose the virginity and then see then you come

along and you you take their West virginity and that's usually you know b-hole sex that's the b-hole deal is their West virginity but but anyway that was just that was just kind of a joke but what I'm saying is this man I never got over the fact that she had already hooked up with some of the guy before we got together I never got over it I always let it just fester on me and just this weird jealousy it gave me a thing to be angry about and in the end that shit was all about me man it was you know it had nothing to do with her this girl has just been living her life you know and the guy that she'd hooked up

with I actually really liked that guy and he was a friend of mine and you know and it when you're young it's hard to not be jealous but I would just say fucking man at least two people you know at least you know you're in the right ballpark because if they've already hooked up then you're really the missing link you know it's like oh if you're if you're friends with one of them you like the other one you know I think you could probably get past it pretty quick I would just you know it's really gonna be super met it's gonna be the move is to get past it it's gonna be super macho of you and you don't even need to tell

them you forgive them just you got to do it inside of yourself I think you know that's what I wish I would have done now what I did here's something else you could do what I did was hold it against the girl bring it up all the time we were drunk fight about it cry about it in the front yard cry about it in the backyard you could go my route and you might not be reward I mean it's it's a painful route to go you end up laying on your back out in the street in the middle of the night smoking menthols bruh smoking them fucking a pack of Winston menthols limited editions 110s dude you ever smoked a pack of 110

menthols doc come on boy dude the thing so the uh the cherry so big on the end of those cigarettes damn mosquitoes show up for it and things wild so I would say yeah man I go I go that forgiveness right and be that big dog be the big dog you still got the best friend you still got the girl so they hooked up one time oh well you know do you do whatever you got to do you know and if you got two years later maybe if the guy you know you know maybe years from now the guy uh you know you have an opportunity you know maybe he breaks up with the girl and you hook up with her and then y'all are even if you want to

you know do it games a throne style but otherwise I'd just let it ride man you know you just don't want to miss out on the opportunity for a good relationship with a girl because of some jealousy especially if your if your dude isn't like you know still trying to holler at her I think that's the move but also bro fuck do I know son but gang man be good to yourself you know what I was thinking was this man I'd love to know a lot of guys you know we we did this a couple years ago a lot of girls or guys if you want to hit the hotline with this we can put some of these calls in the first time you touch somebody's crotch

you know of the opposite sex or it could also even be your own crotch that OC the first time you know we had a woman a couple years ago she called in and the first time a guy touched her little you know that little uh you know what I'm talking about that little Vietnamese hot pocket you feel me that vagina was in a refrigerator box in an empty refrigerator box out back in the garage and everybody has a secret a sexy little story like that you know you snuggled up in the refrigerator box with a young lover and they touch your crotch for the first time because dude I remember when I was young bro my crotch was like the

center of the universe boy I mean they would have a falcon would come and land on my crotch at night and look out over the lands you know your crotch was the only thing remember during a pervert he brought your crotch was the your crotch was all the nucleus of the universe you'd have people you know you'd have people lining up outside of your crotch looking for you know bread or milk and bread your crotch was everything all you you know if a fly went by your crotch your freaking shuttered a little bit it just you had so much energy all your hormones was crap was crowded up in your crotch like

there was you know like 30 people stuck in a fucking church band or something the energy remember that so hit the hotline nine eight five six six four nine five zero three we'll put some of the those those FTCS's on those first time crotch stories on the next episode and I don't do that to be gross and I don't want you to leave a gross message please but I do want you to just tell me about the feelings the experience you had the first time where was it you know I know a buddy of mine the pizza delivery guy been drinking and he went off the road crashed his car and then he was he was in a he had a little dimension he walked

away from the pizza vehicle and my buddy and his girl they snuck up in there on a second date and touched each and touched each other's junk out there off a volley road so everybody has a neat story imagine that the first time you get in a handful of that of that Judy Judy and somebody and they got a you know a faint smell of fucking pepperoni in the air I mean Jesus Christ brah is it Christmas it should be come here man I'll tell you this speaking of our beautiful meats if you're looking for easy affordable way to stock up for summer grilling as well as a great gift think Omaha steaks right now Omaha

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search bar don't wait go to Omaha steaks.com type P-A-S-T in the search bar to get the Father's Day steak fix package today get the steaks also gonna let you know that today's episode is brought to you by uncommon apothecary CBD is from the hemp plant but unlike its sister Mary Jane CBD contains less than 0.3 percent THC it won't get you high but it will stop you from feeling low several double-blind studies have shown CBD to reduce anxiety yep CBD to reduce anxiety a friend of mine was on anti-anxiety medicine for 17 years and was able to wean himself off using uncommon apothecaries CBD elixir it's

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dash CBD dot com and use code Theo at checkout yep and you can hit the hotline [phone] for those FTCS man that first time crotch story onward hey man love your podcast Theo love what you do thank you brother and I appreciate you calling in today man and I almost happy early father's down there that's coming up I'm not sure if you're a father but you could be I think you're you're just the greatest storyteller of this time well that's nice you to say that man you know we don't do much to keep stories alive anymore you know I feel like they're dying you know I feel like a lot of people don't care what

the story is a in in media these days they just want to just put out something quick and easy and even stories have become clickbait and so I'm just I feel very blessed to have the gift to even tell a story but thank you for the nice words onward but anyway my name is Dylan I'm from Florence Alabama I work for the railroad and a lot of times I'm a conductor so a lot of times we get on the train you know we'll get to different places and stuff like that one of the places we go is Memphis, Tennessee or Memphis some people will call it you know oh yeah and that's Memphis and they used to have if you drove outside of

Memphis about an hour you could go to Graceland too and they had a man out there doing Graceland I guess you know he got upset that Elvis had done it and he said well damn I'm gonna do my own you go there at night and me and two of my friends one went there one night and and the man wasn't there you could knock on his door and he would take you on a tour museum of his own house and it was all Elvis memorabilia it's called Graceland 2 and what happened was uh we went there and my friend got bit by a damn huge fucking dog showed up and bit my friend and it was a black dog or black and brown so I don't know that isn't I mean

it's not there's nothing to do with it but it uh but yeah we had to take my buddy the hospital and all kinds of shit so we never got to go inside but anyway let's hear more it's a pretty rough area there man and you know it's one of those places where if you don't know where you are in Memphis you might not need to stop at the gas station oh yeah if you don't know where you are in Memphis you might be dead I don't know if you've seen 48 hours but a lot of that the first 48 sorry and it's about people in Memphis shooting each other and then the cops kind of don't know who it is but they know who it is let's hear more some

place is there they call the gas station's murder marks well the barbecue chips boy you better get your chips quick son so but anyway I just want to know what you think if you ever been to Memphis what you think about it about the area and stuff like that but but anyway gang gang brother gang gang man I mean I think you have a lot of cities in America where they have you know some of the crime problem has gotten a little bit out of hand in specific areas you know Memphis is one of those places where you're getting a

lot of crime you know places you see a lot of poverty you know you have a lot of it places where you see also a lot of poverty in black community you have a lot of you have a lot of crime you know because it over time it's been one of the more impoverished you know and also they have a lot of like a lot of gangsters and and that sort of thing and you know you see a lot of those guys with you know also you know making like guns and murder and that type of stuff look cool so I think you that's something you probably have in Memphis is a lot of that you know in New Orleans they have it Chicago has it New Orleans it

seems to be getting real bad or just the newspapers say there is if you go to nolla.com it's you know it just seems to be something that happens in some of these communities where it's hard to it's like how do you eradicate this problem I think some of it is time you know as you get you know as more opportunity you have more opportunity and a lot of diff for different you know for different ethnicities and in America more opportunity to make money then you'll see you know more comfortable lifestyles where it won't be as much you know as much crime and as much poverty but yeah I think sometimes the onus could also be

taken on by some of these individual communities it's like you know it would be you know it's like how does how do you stop this kind of stuff within these communities it's like I would love you know and maybe that this does happen I just don't see it it's like how do you stop like black-on-black violence like you know it's scary sometimes to I remember growing up in Louisiana it would be scary sometimes to have a black friend because if a lot of black guys got murdered and you just would read about it every day on the newspaper see it on the news like damn man that's scary you know it and then I think it's

not a it gives a scary vibe to you know it's I can't even imagine do being a young black guy in some of those places would be scary and look I'm sure it's all types of ethnicities and it's all types of people and stuff so I don't even know what I'm talking about but I think over time some of that will go away but some of it is it's just like we got a you know like if we if we continue to champion this sort of like that it's cool to be like a gangster and that kind of shit then I don't know if that kind of stuff gets helped you know some of it's a culture thing some of it's a like what's cool but then also it might be fun

as fuck to be a straight-up gangster bra be running around at night playing you know you know all the the kids that you know have two parents and a little bit of cash they're inside playing modern warfare and the kids who's out there struggling those dudes are out there fucking running ducking over about a murder mark trying to drink a fucking get through all 32 ounces before they go to that big gulp in the sky the Lord before they go see the Lord it's the freaking murder mark but all aboard bra you know I get that bulletproof train son get that bulletproof glass on the front of the train all aboard but yeah

Memphis fuck dude first 48 gives a bad vibe to that city in the sense that you just everybody's shooting at each other over there it always seems like but yeah I think sometimes that's a community problem where it's like how do you you know like it you know it's it's everybody's problem but it's also it's like within certain communities you have some things that just after a while seems like are these things gonna go away or maybe they are going away and the media's just keeps playing them up and acting like they aren't you know I don't know I wish I kind of knew more sometimes but you know the fuck do I know

man let's hear another call here we go a co my name's Kyle lock I'm from Seattle Washington what's up Kyle and I'll be up there in two weeks up there in Seattle onward I just wanted to talk to you about folly and me and my fiance are going there for a honeymoon in the end of July oh man that's awesome well it's exciting to hear that you guys have a honeymoon coming up and that you guys have each other you guys gonna get to be over there and it's really I think romantic that's one thing I wish I'd have and I'd have been there was just a romance you know I didn't have a romance they had a guy that brought

breakfast over to my place in the morning a little guy you know a beautiful guy named they are day why and he seemed hella chill and you know good with the eggs good with the omeletry and he'd bring that through and roll through with that I want got this you know them avos so gang in marriage on July 4th so I just wanted to see what you thought about bolly man I know I heard a little bit on your last podcast now you said that it was like really good people and and those dogs with a big ass bowels but yeah man you know let me know what the heck you really liked about it was it the food or the or the culture of the

people I'm ready to to get my I travel on so gang gang I love what you're doing over there you're all open about your feelings like that I appreciate that so well thank you man I'm excited for you guys you guys got you guys got engaged you getting married on July man you heading over there what a lot what a great I mean this is just gonna be probably one of the best summers of your life you know or not bad I mean it will be a great summer you know will be like an amazing summer it'll be a special summer that's what I mean you know it'll be a special summer summertime man anything could happen in the summer the

sun gets for the sun gets hot the sun puts on sunglasses that's when you know the party start girls you'll see a girl you know maybe she didn't even have any breasts before now she got a little bit of breasts maybe your buddy even shows up with a couple of fricking couple of bee coops boy on them you know what I'm saying old breasty Jeff rolls up you're like damn Jeff got them milky front pieces and anything can happen it's summertime sand castles you know somebody hides a bottle of fucking you know raspberry schnapps out there in a fucking sand dune and you guys getting licked up and you out there talking about

witchcraft and touching each other's junk over there over there in the salt water off of a Perdido Bay anything can happen you know you might be out there you might they might have a girl who puts her mouth on the ground and suck a crustacean right out the one of them ditch crawfish right out the damn ditch bank and who knew that would get you erect just watching that watching a girl you know just face take a crustacean you know watching a girl just just face take a damn shrimp right out of the earth with her lung power it's beautiful mean anything could happen it's summer summer solstice summer summer slam dude

wrestlers are excited they're fucking slamming each other I mean it's summertime and anything can happen man but I'm glad you guys are getting that marriage you're gonna be over in Bali I recommend it I recommend you stay in changu or you get even more rural than changu that's where I was semen yak seems a little too too much going on you can get out into if you really want to be by the beach just find a more rural place I think as long as you get like a little villa or something the more rural the better but the people are so kind you're gonna really be able to relax you know I would try to keep my phone off as much as

possible and just do your best to to spend time together I think it sounds like you guys are really gonna knock it out of the park you know you could rent scooters but I also enjoy just getting you know a little scooter and getting on somebody's back and holding on to somebody you don't know taking a chance you know it's the closest I've been to a successful relationship really was jumping on the back of a scooter and not even if it was a man or woman in the helmet and just you know and just riding with him taking a chance man so but yeah fresh fruit you know just drink bottled water you know that drill yeah

I'm trying to think of anything else like I didn't do I don't do a lot of night life or anything so I was low-key up early it was beautiful man it was beautiful I don't think you I don't think that you could go wrong let's take another call right here this is Bruce from Rochester or neck neck tag country Rochester that ROC boy shout out to my boy Baggins due to passed away a couple years ago we OD'd over there by the pizza hut by the days in and you know he was hopped up I think he you know was on them ludes and on that garbage plate bra he got a caught a thick garbage plating couldn't couldn't get it down

bra gang bra onward I just want to leave a comment on the podcast you had with Chris Lilly when you were talking about you had a dream about him I just wanted to mention that I actually I also had a dream about you the night before oh okay this is wild man because I've never been down this territory where I'm talking to a man that had a dream about me and so I'm curious to see how how this will go let's hear more brother thank you for calling and we were I was in the comedy club and is very crowded I was trying to make my way out of the club and you were trying to make your way through the club trying to go through the crowd there

there was a little break in the people and so we met up damn this shit is getting erotic huh or maybe not maybe it's just two guys passing in the club about to find out in my dream and when I try to pass by you you gave me a look kind of a little bit of an attitude a little huff and puff okay then this sounds like me at the beginning of my comedy tour behind the scenes man I was huffle puffing man I was getting slithering and then I started to kind of really griffin door out towards the end onward now when I went by you as if like I was in your way and I know it was just a dream but I do still feel like maybe

you owe me an apology and so I just wanted to put that out there listen I understand where you're coming from if you don't apologize but I just felt like you know maybe that was the right thing to do at this point gang gang huh you know with apology for the subconscious behavior you know what man I will apologize it's uh I don't need to be right man I'm sorry you know I'm sorry man I think I would that that you know I have had some of that behavior recently I think I've been in a lot of fear about just things changing in my life and just not knowing how to act and you know just worried about well how

people are gonna think of me and worried if I'm deserving of different opportunities and just worried like if the world is like tricking me you know worried if the world is like just tricking me and saying oh well here's something you're gonna be able to get to do but then we're just tricking you you're gonna wake up or you're gonna some harsh reality is gonna show up and change things and I know some stuff we don't have control over but I could see myself probably if I was in my subconscious walking past somebody and giving them kind of a little bit of her you know a harumph so I'm sorry about

that you know I'm sorry about that dude I could have you know I could have made the choice to be seeing you and just giving you a smile or giving you a thumbs up or you know no thumbs up which is also a new thing a lot of people are doing two hands out closed fist thumb tucked away inside the hand no thumbs up people like what in the what in the hell is going on but it's cool looking all right guy no thumbs up and that's like a Japanese thing it's like a new it's like the peace sign but it's like newer than that so I'm sorry I did that man and next time we see each other yeah keep your chakras open because I'll make

sure that you know give you a little bit of an elbow you know a fist bump or something hearty something lovable you know maybe just you know I'll do have a little baton I'll do a quick little B twirl a little baton twirl you know show you a little bit of flair or something put a little put a little pendant on you on your lapel maybe something you know something that says vote for Jerry or something you know and then another pendant that says who the fuck is Jerry so that way you kind of get the full deal we had some patreon questions we're gonna get to him next time in this jet lag is literally shutting

my face down I don't know if I don't think there's anything else to share at the moment I just want to apologize to anybody I know there's sometimes where people will reach out and like I try to get people tickets and a lot of times I try to help and a lot of times tickets are sold out to shows be careful there's a lot of second and third party websites that will sell tickets at extraordinary prices those are not the regular ticket sites those are second and third party you got to look at the name it can be sometimes they'll make the name just like ticketmaster it'll be like lick it master and the tickets

$200 for the show I don't sell tickets at those high prices so if you see something going on like that that's not a natural ticket and you want that natural choice you know you don't want that breach birth ticket you know you you think you're coming to see me and you go to see lie I love it and his mother and they doing knitting or something or doing you know yuggling oh yeah man my brain is a little bit fried from the trip but I'm happy to be home I'm in a new studio I have no clue what's gonna happen you know but I'm this is the risk that I'm willing to take right now you know because I've learned some from

a previous experience when we took the first risk of what you know it was good and maybe we're overstepping our bounds and getting more space I don't know so I'm curious to see you know how we'll fill this space and if we'll fill it and with what you know but I feel like it's some new opportunity and I feel like I've been feeling a lot of like inspiration recently to do some cool like giving back and outreach type of stuff and I don't I don't know what that's gonna be but I can really feel it starting to gestate inside of me but thank you guys for your patience thank you guys for being here today thanks for the calls as always the

hotline [phone] we have some great patreon questions from Matthew Puccinelli Marisa Bruno Olivia Abert Seara Smith Mike Nucci and Quinn Hassan and I'll get to some of those next week but you guys be good to yourselves man on the way out let's go out with some Jameson flood every night it was me