This Past Weekend - All Over the Place | This Past Weekend #109

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

Theo struggles to record and edit an episode from the rural Midwest. Submit a video question on LiveRaise’s Fan Line: https://liveraise.onelink.me/1368496617?af_dp=liveraise://liveraise.onelink.me&af_sub1=fanline&af_sub2=677797 Music “Alabama” - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPazXW1_fX4 Support Our Sponsors Ridge https://www.ridgewallet.com/theo Greyblock Pizza https://www.greyblockpizza.com Theo Von/This Past Weekend Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theovon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theovon/ https://www.instagram.com/thispastweekend_/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheoVon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theo.von Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend/ Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheoVon/ Dates July 6-8 Levity Live Oxnard, CA July 12-14 Xiamen & Shanghai, China July 20-22 Charlie Goodnights Raleigh, NC August 4 Skyway Theatre Minneapolis, MN August 16-18 Laugh Factory Chicago, IL September 14-15 Zanies Nashville, TN September 20-24 Just for Laughs Toronto October 18-20 Skyline Comedy Club Appleton, WI November 1-3 Helium Comedy Club Buffalo, NY November 9-10 Wise Guys Salt Lake City, UT Nov 30 & Dec 1 Comedy Loft Washington DC Gunt, Pass & Kick Patreon Gunt Squad: Alaskan Rock Vodka Angelo Raygun Renee Nicol Matthew Snow Megan Andersen-Hall Stephanie Claire Ryan Wolfe Carla Huffman Austin Kehler Jeremy West Kenton call Steve Corlew Nick Butcher Megan Daily Joe Tromm Ken Melvin Troy Cosmas Matt Kaman Tom Kostya Mike Vo Micky Maddux Sam Illgen Ben Liimes Alexis Caniglia Stepfan Jefferies David Smith Logan Yakemchuk Aidan Duffy MEDICATED VETERAN Ken Comstock Dan Ray Audrey Harlan Matthew Popov kristen rogers Josh Cowger Kelly Elliott Mark Glassy Dwehji Majd Jason Haley Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Cory Alvarez Christopher Christensen Scott Lucy Benv Deignan Cody Cummings Shannon Schulte Aaron Stein Lorell “Loretta†Ray Stacy Blessing Andy Mac Campbell Hile John Kutch Adriana Hernandez Jeffrey Lusero Alex Hitchins Joe Dunn Kennedy Joey Piemonte Robyn Tatu Beau Adams Yoga Shawn-Leigh henry Laura Williams Alex Person Mona McCune Suzanne O'Reilly Rashelle Raymond Chad Saltzman James Bown Brian Szilagyi Arielle Nicole Greg H Dave Engelman Calvin Doyle Jacob Ortega Jesse Witham Andrea Gagliani Scott Swain William Morris Qie Jenkins Aaron Jones Jon Ross Kevin Best Haley Brown Ned Arick J Garcia Lauren Cribb Ty Oliver Tom in Rural NC Christian from Bakersfield Matt Holland Charley Dunham Casey RobertsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm out here in the middle of nowhere, man. But suddenly I'm right here with you guys. And I feel like I know exactly where I am. I'm not lost anymore. You feel me? Suddenly I'm just found, you know. She was hotter than the blacktop Broke down at a truck stop She looked about as wild as the story she told

Said she was a Christian saving souls in Savannah And the Lord was sending her to Alabama Had a pistol in her boots Blonde hair, dark roots Said she got a old man But I shouldn't be worried Though it seemed like she was in a hurry Higher than a junkie

Drying out in the slammer Lord, I hope I don't die in Alabama Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Yeah, Alabama Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I hope I... Yeah, Alabama Higher than a junkie drying out in Savannah. Lord, I hope I don't die in Alabama. Thank you guys for being here. It is, man, it's summer.

Look, I'm coming at you from, I've been in rural Illinois all weekend in a town called Wyoming, Illinois. And it's the second year in a row that we've come out here and done some stand-up, doing the jokes and doing the joy. You know, and man, I was, let me tell you this. Last year we came and most of the townspeople came. And this is a small town. You know what I'm saying? came and most of the townspeople came. And this is a small town. You know what I'm saying? This is a small town where if somebody farts across town and you don't, if you're not there to hear it, a few hours later somebody will just tap you

on the shoulder when you're over at the gas station and be like, well, you heard what happened, didn't you? And you're like, what? And they're like, well, Lawrence, you know, he farted. So it's that kind of place. You can't even fart without somebody telling somebody else about it. You know, you'll hear people just, you know, reenacting other people's farts around town just because it's that kind of place. You know what I'm saying? If somebody sneezes upwind of you, even if it's a mile away, then, you know, you'll hear somebody, you'll hear a gazoon type down the hill.

It's that kind of place where everything's connected. It's all, everything is just, everything's connected, man. You'll even see birds and they look like they've been there a while like in los angeles i see a bird and it's like oh this fucker's just passing through you know he's just flying around and maybe you know shitting a little and stuff like that and copping a little bit of seed and maybe you know trying to fuck a falcon or something down by the beach but after that he's gonna jet town but you're you're out here and I'm in these rural areas and it seems like,

and you see a bird and you're like, oh, that, okay, this his area. This his block around here. Maybe he's a parent or a granddaddy. I saw a sparrow look like he probably had a couple stepchildren but everything has more of a story. Because everything has more room to have a story. I think about that stuff sometimes.

In a smaller town, I don't know, I just get so dialed in. I get so dialed in. Everything just feels like, say if you're driving past a park in a small town the toys in the park and the swings and the slide they suddenly they stand out like they have room to breathe they they mean something you know they hold memories of of uh of people's pasts and of, you know, of children in the springtime or, you know, on a fall day when, you know, school got out early and the kids hit the park. set it might be like oh you know you maybe you you know it's it's that swing set holds memories of like a you know a boy you know first time he swang next to a girl because you remember that i don't know if you remember that i remember being in elementary school and i was in elementary school you know some kids didn't go to school at all i mean they had a boy in our town didn't go to

school at all and people thought he was deaf and he just didn't know anything so I don't know whatever happened to him dude probably honestly could have gotten hit by a car because if you don't know about school man you easily you know could not know how streets work or could not know how basic uh you know how to deal with automobiliary when it's you know passing by but anyhow um yeah and I remember the first time, you know, like I would swing on a swing set next to a girl, like my whole body, the side of my body next to the girl was just like, just almost rigor mortis head set in.

You know, just rigor mortis, my whole body, just like all the blood was over there, just like listening for her heartbeat. You know, my whole, that side of my body was just so heavy. You know, the swing she was closest to next to me, suddenly like the other side of my body had just gone bleach white. And that other side of my body where she was, all the blood had run over there. I was just listening, just trying to get as close to this, you know, young lass as I could, you know, cause I was feeling, you know, it's just what I was feeling. I mean, I was just feeling alive. And I think that, uh, that that's what you see whenever you're in a smaller town, things just stand out more, you know, like, um,

and things have more room to breathe. You see a tree and you're like, oh, that tree, you know, somebody has a story that goes with it. Or, oh, my grandfather and I used to sit under there and, you know, we used to read or think about stuff. Or, you know, my uncle used to hide behind there and, you know, whatever he wanted to do, drink lemonade or something like that. Or just, you know, make homemade tires or whatever he wanted to do, comb his hair, you know, put motor oil in his hair and comb his hair and wear fucking tight shirts, you know, and put fucking sand, you know, put sand, you know, put sand in his shoes and just pretend he was at the beach. I mean, everybody, you know, but I just feel like in a small town, you get more stories.

You know, you get more, I don't know, things just have more room. And I feel like that, man. When I'm in the cities, when I'm in some of the city, you feel a little bit more. You ever put a file in a zip drive? You ever do that? If you're emailing somebody, you'd send them a group of files at once, but you can zip drive it.

And it's the same information. It's just like air sealed kind of it's like uh compact that's how i feel when i'm in the city there's just no room for even sometimes for my imagination to reach its arms out of my brain and just you know pet the world and that's one and that's something that drives me crazy sometimes. And I feel like I'm not going to get that. I'm not going to get that space. I'm not going to get any of that brain. I'm never going to have that again.

And then I come to a town like I did this weekend. Over here to Wyoming, Illinois. And man this place is 1,600 people. And I came here last year. And the town could probably use a little bit of diversity here and there you know it's definitely a little bit uh you know it's it's it's it's got a little bit it's definitely got some old school white in it um but it's good people you know I mean most of the people are just friendly you know just friendly, you know, just loving people.

You know, you see a lot of people up here that raise foster children and do that sort of thing. You know, a lot of people have church as part of their lives or religion of some sort. You know, it could be whatever their religion is. But I think in smaller towns, it feels like there's more room for anything. And I had a good time, man. It was nice just to suddenly just feel human. Because in Los Angeles, things can get so unhuman. And look, I have a lot of great friends in Los Angeles, but I'm just saying there's so much going on. It's almost like time and Mother Nature and life cannot keep it all organized.

And when you're in L.A., it feels like the world is just kind of juggling a million things at once. And when you're out here, I feel like the world has just kind of set the balls down on the ground. And the balls can rest. They don't have to be flying around in the air anymore. So it's just nice, man. It's nice to be a part of it. And it's nice to get into a place and feel like I'm okay in these places. You know, driving past cornfields and reminding me when I used to, you know, plant corn and cotton.

you know, plant corn and cotton and, you know, seeing, you know, driving by a fair, you know, drove by like a small town, one of those carnivals, you know, those shady carnivals come to town. And it's usually a lot of alcoholics and people on, you know, different types of type of methamphetamines and people, you know, hopped up on uppers, basically trying to keep goldfish alive, traveling from town to town. You see one of those go on and just reminded me of a time I used to be out there trying to touch a little bit of titty or vomit behind a super slide. Just things I don't know. Maybe it's just because I'm from a smaller place. I see a smaller place and it reminds me. But it's also nice to know that I don't feel disconnected from those places.

I don't. And that's something I worry about a lot of times, like about how I change or how I can change from living in a city or living in one place. You know, and how you become more accustomed to things. Because as humans, man, we become accustomed so easily it's like people always say don't forget where you came from you don't forget where you go where you come from but you get used to feeling like where you are you know it's amazing how adaptable we are and how i bet you can go you can go forward and backward um And that's, you know, life's exciting like that. Dude, we got a crazy week coming.

We got Jordan Peterson coming in. A lot of people are really excited about that and I'm grateful. You know, he's coming in this week. And he's a premier thinker. You know, I was just talking with my buddy Simon Rex about him and he kind of, if you're not familiar with him, you know, you can check out Jordan Peterson.

He's a speaker. He's a brain. He's a mouth. He's a orator. He's a thinker. He's a philosopher. And he's a professor in Canada. in Canada.

But I think he has this voice that embodies that, I don't know, a lot of men from my generation feel like it almost seems like they were fatherless or they weren't getting the fatherly advice that they needed. And I feel like it's a lot of those men that go towards him right now and are listening to him. It's like, even though he's Canadian,

he's like America's number one, number two stepdaddy. I know Simonx likes to say he's the number one but uh anyhow man i've had a good time this weekend you know so many people came out to the show in wyoming last year when i was there and it's a fundraiser show my mother grew up in this small town and so we do fundraiser to uh keep the the theater and the history uh and the arts department alive here in this town. And man, last year, a lot of the locals bought tickets. And this year, people came from everywhere. We had a father-son.

They said they were father-son. I thought they might have been up to something. A little better at a dark arts. But they said that they had the same blood in each one of their bodies. So they came out. People drove in from St. Louis, Wisconsin, Chicago. I mean, I would say 85% of the tickets were bought not from people in the town. So it was just incredible.

You know, we all kind of. Some dudes showed up, a couple of young bucks. These fellas from Chicago. They were outside of the theater trying to get an uber at the end of the night and i'll tell you this there's no ubers i mean this is an area we still have to hitchhike you know i'm saying that uber that's you got one uber on each hand daddy that's that thumb you got to use that you know that beautiful thumb ship and and these fellas were out there they're like yeah we got uh we got water and we got trail mix we'll be fine i'm like good luck dude you guys probably gonna get accosted or molested

but sometimes that happens you know and sometimes that makes you feel right at home if you get you know somebody that you don't know but with you, you know, seem to have a big heart, kind of sneaks up and jerks you off, that can't, you know, that can make you feel kind of, you know, part of, part of an area. Yeah, I had fun just, you know, my brother brought a bunch of crawfish up here from Louisiana. And, and so we did a crawfish boil up here so people could be a part of that. And so it's been a peaceful weekend. I got to see my nephews and my niece and just spend time with my family and people that I love. And so, uh, you know, and people that we haven't always had that, that, that family closeness. So as it comes into my life now, I have

to, I have to show up for it. I mean, there's times where I want to not get, you know, not, you know, take it, take the nap, take the, I got to show up. I just got to be there with my eyes open and my heart open and just hope to catch some little pieces of love that are floating around when people get together. And that's another thing. In these smaller towns, man, people,

dude, I didn't realize this. Like, without the without the l like they only get 4g on their phones like my phone has had 4g for the past three days okay so it's really hard to you're not using you're not watching a ton of stuff on your phone because you can't do it it doesn't even work so you're just like fuck all that that, you know, and you just spend time with who you're around. And, and that's not as easy to do in a city, you know, so it's just, you know, suddenly, so I get a little bit more of an inkling of just myself. And I start getting just, just more ideas pop into my head. You know, I get an idea. God, where's that been? my head you know i get an idea like oh where's that been but if i get so much influence then i'm then it's less ideas you know because you know an idea is just influence from inside of yourself

but you know we get so influenced from the outside these days that it's like ideas are like damn they've been run out of town so it was you know i found myself getting a few more ideas that it's like ideas are like, damn, they've been run out of town. So I found myself getting a few more ideas because I just adapt so quick. You take away one thing and your brain will get back pretty quickly, I believe. Even though I worry we get trapped in this hole, in this wormhole these days with technology. And that song on the way in, that was Alabama

by Bishop Gunn. You guys know that band, but Alabama by Bishop Gunn. We'll have the link to them below. If you have calls for Jordan Peterson, make sure to get them into the hotline, 985-664- 9503. And you can always leave calls

for any of our guests. They are on the fan line, and the fan line is where you can always leave calls for any of our guests there or on the fan line. And the fan line is where you can leave video questions for our guests. And that link is on the YouTube page. Also, make sure to subscribe to the podcast. We need subscribers. We could use any support as well. If you have a product that you feel like would be dope that you want to advertise on the podcast, hit us with an email.

There's an email on the website on TheoVon.com. What else, man? I'm just trying to navigate this industry. Hollywood is a sneaky industry. It's a sneaky industry. And I'm just trying to navigate it as well as I can. And it's tough, man. And it's tough.

But I'm grateful. I'm realizing more and more that some of the acquaintances that I have around me, that they just want to make good stuff. And a lot of it, sometimes it's just me. I just have to trust. You know, sometimes I want to be so individualistic sometimes that it's not even, might not even be to my benefit sometimes. You know, that I just need to learn to be more trusting.

And to know that I've noticed one thing, more things get done when I don't try to do things alone. Man, for so long in my life, I was like, I got to do this shit alone. I got to do, nah, me, man. I can handle it. I can handle it. I can handle it, you know. I can handle it, Susan. Even on even Noah, me, man. I can handle it. I can handle it. I can handle it, you know. I can handle it, Susan.

Even on even Noah Susan, and I would say that kind of shit. But the truth is, yes, I can handle it. But I can also not be alone while I handle it. And that's something that I'm just kind of grasping recently. But man, my brain is rattled. I'm all over the place. You know, I've been on vacation, but I wanted to be here for you guys because I know that you guys are here for me. And we're getting, I mean, it's wild, man. So many people are listening these days and, you know, so many beautiful people came out to the show this weekend that just love the podcast.

You know, a couple that was about to move to Houston. Um, there were four or five ladies that all work in an office together. And I loved, you know, I thought that was fun, man. My first job I ever had, I used to, you know, the same girl, actually I've told this story before. There was a girl that kind of masturbated me into a, um, into a Creek or into a, uh, you know, sorry, the first hand job that I ever got. You know, I, you know, this girl spray, you know, give me a hand job and I don't just say this girl. It wasn't just like some floozy. It was, you know, the love of my life at the time.

But she hand job to me into this like river part of a river. But it was like part of a river where it kind of comes off to the side like a little um just like a little pond like a bay like a little like not the main part of the river a little part where the river kind of reaches off and doesn't do anything over there you know like part of the river that's always resting kind of off to the side and like a little hole but anyway this girl kind of hand job me into that, into that deal. And they had some fish in there and the fish swam up and, um, and the part where it's, you know, the part of my body that it's sprayed out into the water, the fish snacked on that, you know, they ate up all my, you know, all my, you know, all my adventure sauce or whatever was inside of my body.

And what's this story about? Damn, I can't remember what this story's about. What the fuck was I talking about? I was talking about, shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Something about sexual this um oh some uh some people that came out to the show fuck i don't anyway i don't know how I got into this. Something about a handjob.

But yeah, all types of people came out to the show. You know, and it was just, oh, oh, oh, because I remember this girl that I dated, that girl that handjobbed me into that passive area of water. Her, I used to work at with one of her family members.

And they gave me one of my first jobs. And I was, you know, I worked as like an office clerk. And so I'd be out there doing clerk office type stuff. And I worked in an office with four or five or six or seven ladies. And a couple of them always had carpal tunnels and a couple of them always had on a neck brace or some kind of shit

because we worked in insurance or something. And so everybody was always faking something at the same time because they were so close to insurance that everybody passed in a neck brace around that bitch like a joint, you know? Like a big smoking horse leg full of that dank dank. And everybody's wearing that neck brace and suing this and getting that and getting them checks and cutting that money and getting them checks and what happened to me was that i worked over there and i worked in an office with you know five or six or seven or eight ladies and there's always somebody's birthday you know oh it's donna's party you know or it's Don or it's Margaret.

Sandra's husband got electrocuted because he worked with the electric company and he also smoked a lot of weed. How about this, Sandra's husband? Don't fucking do those things at the same time. That is crazy, bro. You're going to smoke weed and then play with electricity? Oh, fuck. No, you're not, guy. That's crazy. So anyhow, but I worked over there. That was a place that I worked at. And so, yeah, we had a lot of neat people that came out, man. You know, people drove in. They had a couple that's moving to Houston together. They weren't going to be able to come see me in Chicago. They drove out. Some kids were

on LSD. They came out and kind of got scared and they left. We had a couple of senior citizens. One man said he didn't think he'd be alive next year to see the show. So he wanted to come out this year. I was like, damn, bro. You know, I don't know. We don't offer like a discount on ticket for that thing you know that death discount that deaths count like dude you get 40 off you think you're not going to be alive next year mark down tickets 40 off so that was interesting but yeah it was just good man and then next thing you know, I just get to be, you know, I stayed at this beautiful little place. It's usually like a huge rental hall or whatever and got to stay out there.

And just a lot of love in the air, man. Just a lot of love. Just being around family and being around just people relaxing and enjoying. People just looking at each other eating potato salad there's something about watching somebody and this one man he out he got all kind of pea salad and i call it pea salad for short instead of saying potato salad all the time because sometimes i'm in a hurry and he got that pea salad up in his uh up in his word curtain, you know, up in his mustache. And he fell asleep. And, dude, it's kind of, you know, I'm not a real pervert.

You know, I've played one, and I'll do that kind of thing. But I've never, you know, I don't have any plan to be anything crazy. You know, but it's hard to think that somebody isn't. And if you see a man fall asleep, and he's got that yellow mustard in his stash and he's just dozed off with a plastic fork in his hand, I mean, I don't want to say it's erotic because it's not. It's just really, I mean, that's the dark arts. You know, when you see a man with a mustache

and he's been just having some pea salad, some pea salad, and then he just dozes off, you know, because he can't handle, you know, maybe it's got too much egg in, his brain shuts down. You know, he closes down shop for a little bit and shuts his eyes. And then you see, but in his mustache, he's still got that yellow thick thick, just hanging out up in his word curtain, and he can't hang, and he can't live life. And honestly, that's probably a pervert. But yeah, I got to see one of those this weekend, and that's fun. That's family. You know, that's probably a pervert. But yeah, I got to see one of those this weekend. And that's fun. That's family. You know, that's family.

But look, I'm going to keep this episode. We had some calls that came in. I'm going to get to some of those because my brain's a little all over the place. And I want to get it done for you guys. I'm going to let you know first and foremost that next weekend I'll be in Oxnard, California. Then I'm in China and China is a big, huge country and all kinds of stuff happens over there. And I'm going to be one of the things that's happening over there. And some people say China, some people say China and China is nothing. That's not, it's not a real thing. So

it's China. And I'll be over there July 12th through the 14th. So if you have any friends over there that live in Shanghai or Xiamen, hit them up. Tell them, hey, go see my friend. Also coming up, I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina, Minneapolis, Chicago, Nashville, Toronto, Appleton, Wisconsin, Buffalo, Salt Lake City, Washington, D.C., and Minneapolis. Oh, yeah, we already said Minneapolis. Minneapolis show is almost sold out, so we might be adding a second show there. I don't know yet. But thank you guys for coming out.

You're putting a lot of pressure on me to keep coming up with new material and stuff. But I'm grateful for it because it makes me feel more challenged. And that makes me feel excited. You know, it's scary. It's scary to know if my brain will have more ideas. You know, that's something that scares me a lot thinking, well, am I going to run out of ideas? You know, am I going to run out of, you know, memories? Am I going to run out of memories that are good memories that I can tell a story about? You know, it's alarming.

I guess it's just like a painter thinking, oh, well, what if all the paint doesn't exist tomorrow? What if they dry up or they shut down a couple colors? You know, what if fuchsia or magenta goes out of business? You know, what if roid you be if goes under? And then I'm just standing here just with nothing with nothing on my palate so yeah it's um it's scary but I guess that's the excitement is a little bit of that fear you know having one foot out in the fear instead of two instead of two feet on the dock you know because I'll say this man and I don't mean to go back to this a little bit perverse but

you know when that when that girl sprayed me out into that little pond or whatever it was a part of a river that's not moving you know what i'm saying at first i was like man this is you know this is kind of it's kind of shady but it's fucking cool you know and and then i was like then the fish came over and I was like, oh, this is scary. This is scary. Because after that, I had dreams that I had like there were fish out there that had my face and had the same kind of chin and cheekbones as me and all kinds of weird shit. But there was some there was a moment in there when it was scary that that's when it was exciting. You know, when I don't sit here in the comfort all the time you know when i get out into and when i get out and when i get out into exciting when i take when i take uh when i keep some risk you

know when i keep a little bit of risk in the tank and i'm just put safe gas in there i fucking put a match up in the top right corner of the tank and just say, hey, hey, Fates. Hey, Powers that be. Let's see how this breaks down. But you can find all the tickets for all those places, Salt Lake City, Washington, D.C., all those places at theovon.com slash tour. Okay, we had a lot of calls. You can always hit the hotline if you want to be associated with the podcast. The number is 985-664-9503.

Here you go. We had a call that came in. You know, I like to know who is listening to the pod. And usually I won't get into calls this week. I'll try and, you know, go through my own life and my brain a little bit more. But man, honestly, this week has just been, it's been crazy. Dude, I shot, I worked on some television set this week has just been it's been crazy dude i shot i worked on some television set this week uh but they had a part of it where it's like a big huge house party in the hollywood hills and so next thing you know i'm there i'm in the hollywood hills and the guy whose house it was

this beautiful gentleman and he was in the band called extreme and they had that song more than words and it was like a you know it was a kind of song you could you know you could really feel yourself too or you could see somebody else's body to it but um but they had a and part of the scene they have porno going on people shooting doing sex by the pool and so next thing you know they really had that in the scene. I thought it was going to be fake, right? I'm involved in the dialogue I'm supposed to be doing with this other character. I look over and they got people doing real porno.

Like what? Y'all fucking outdoors, man. This is some real Native American style. It's pilgrims, you know? That's real pilgrims. I just had a sip of coffee. But I'd like to know who's listening to the podcast, and so we got this call.

Let's go. Hey, Camel. Theo Vaughn. I got to just tell you something, man. I am listening to this podcast, and I just love what you are doing so much. I am a board-certified neuropsychologist. I am a graduate of Harvard Medical School, so I want to let you know these smart bitches out there, Cam'on.

It's funny until you just lay it in your house, you know, and you don't spray it out all in your knuckles and you got nothing left in your heart. But I feel you though, Onward. I want to let you know that what you are also doing and offering to people is truly the healing arts. Even though my specialty is dementia and helping people with brain injuries. I do a lot of therapy and just try to connect with people about trauma and heartbreak. And the way that you talk to people and the way that you accept people and the love that you show to people, I needed to reach out and tell you that what you do is so unbelievably needed and so therapeutic. And you do it so, so, so well. If you were not a natural-born comedian and hilarious as shit as you are

i would absolutely encourage you to go into social work or well i didn't mean to cut you off there but i i appreciate the uh the nice words i yeah it's hard for me to hear sometimes people say nice stuff about me um but i really do appreciate it's very sweet very sweet of you. And now I feel bad about cutting you off because I'm not really trying to cut you off here. Psychology, because you are a natural. What you do for people is not just make us laugh, man. What you do is you provide people with a space of love and acceptance and self-reflection and support. And I think that so many people out there can't hear that message unless it comes from someone who's genuine. Well, I appreciate it.

You know, that's nice you to say. I feel bad. When you say nice stuff about me, it makes me feel... Let me think about what it makes you feel. Man, you got me feeling emotional now. But that's okay. I like having some emotions.

You know, for so long in my life, I didn't have any... I had emotions, but it was just anger and fear. And probably just like feeling like not worth, you know, feeling not worth, you know, probably, damn, you got me leaking now, probably feeling not worth love, you know. And I didn't know at the time, I didn't know that's what it was. I just felt, I just felt angry, you know, and I just, I felt funny. And I felt, you know, I felt, I felt a lot, I felt, I did not feel alive. I didn't feel comatose or anything like that.

I just, I felt, I guess I felt unloved, you know, even though I didn't realize it. I felt, I guess I felt unloved, you know, even though I didn't realize it. And I've never really accepted compliments very well, I don't think. But I think that's sweet of you to say. And I, you know, I feel like, I mean, it's crazy to me because, look, if you'd asked me five years ago, if I, you know, I don't know if I would have had a lot of the same feelings inside of me I think a lot of it for me has come from and I go back on this stuff sometimes but getting in like a 12-step program and stuff like that because I couldn't see that there was so much more in the world that I was missing emotionally before I I just, I felt, people would always say,

I feel like I can't get to know you. I'm like, really? And this would be girlfriends and everything, you know? And even dudes that were jerking off outside of my window, you know? I'm joking about that part. But this would be girl, they'd be like, yeah, I just feel like,

and I'm like, really? To me, everything seems, I tell you everything. It seemed like we know each other. But there was this other level where it was hard to get to. And I find still, though, that, you know, if I don't stay on top of what's going on with me and stay in touch with myself and try and stay in touch with other people that that that part of me creeps back really fast that's disconnected and that's very scary to me and that's one of the biggest fears in my life right now is um is getting is becoming uh disconnected uh because i i flirt and work in this disconnected world in a hot in hollywood but you know i just try and stay close to people that I care about and uh and not be

afraid to care about them if I can um and also look I'm learning as I go so but I'm happy to know they get they got some real legit bitches out there from Harvard Medical uh Medical Center who were who were psychologists or psychotherapists you know what's funny is I was just thinking this week actually. I wish I could go back to school if I had more time to go back to school. And try to learn how to just be like a more effective listener. That's what I'd like to be. Like I wish when I was listening to somebody. If I knew that they weren't feeling good.

That I could ask them a question or make a suggestion that would help them feel better. So I don't know, bro. I don't mean to get off on all this shit. You got me off on all this stuff. But thanks for calling. Thanks for calling. I'm just out here. I'm just one of these people but um but i'm happy to be here i'm and i'm happy to be here with you uh you know today and i'm happy for all the this past week and listeners that came out to this weekend man it's crazy

we got to find some way to do something more on weekend shows where we could do something together and I'll start to brainstorm what that could be maybe we got another caller here we go this is Nomadic Beastly also known as Handsome Julius calling from the Bronx damn Nomadic Beastly

on Instagram I'm guessing and then Handsome Julius out the Bronx boy Handsome Julius come on I'm guessing, and then Handsome Julius out the Bronx, boy. Handsome Julius, come on. I just called to let you know I'm an urban guy. I'm from the inner city, you know, the bad boroughs, and like

your name probably isn't said that often in the Bronx. That's probably true, man. You know, I have sometimes, you know, sometimes, Julius, I wish that I could live, like, more than one man. You know, I have sometimes, you know, sometimes, Julius, I wish that I could live like more than one life, you know, and maybe I will. Maybe we all will, you know, if our, you know, our higher power wants that for us or if we handled this life okay enough or if it was comfortable enough on us and it wasn't too painful, then maybe we'll get to come back and do it again in some facet. But sometimes I think about what it would be like to grow up in New York, you know, out in the Bronx, baby. That Fat Joe country, you know, out there. Rose Hill, you know, out there.

Fordham U out there. Just like walking around in the sunshine and like just everything, you know, they got a dead pigeon over there and they got people playing, you know, handball against the walls and they got Dominicans and they got, you know, Puerto Rican people and they got fucking somebody, you know, throwing all of their spouse's clothes out the second story window. And, and they got some grandmother just pinching her kids italian cheek and they got uh you know they got um just just life they just have so much life going on

and it's faster there you know but new york has a has a has a new york has an amazing ability where they have a little bit of this. It's almost like you get a small town in a moment there. New York, there's so much going on. You get a small town in a moment. Like you can get a you can get a million years of small town life almost sometimes in a moment in New York. Just turning a corner and opening your eyes. And it's just everything is so fast.

But thank you for calling Julius onward brother. But I'm watching and I'm listening on the train on my way to work every day. I'm an electrician by the way. Oh hell yeah, dude. Electrician. I was just talking about electrician. If somebody is electrician, man, and they smoking weed at the same time, boy, come on. I mean, that's, I mean, that's the new, I mean, you're basically, you're a damn science fair project if that's what you're doing, man. Come on.

And although it's based in humor and based in, like, you know, dry humor, sarcasm, but the shit is good, bro. I appreciate all the positive words that are maxed inside the jokes. Well, thanks, Julius. It's nice of you to say, man. Nice of you to think about that. You know, but yeah, man. Just know that you're living a life

that a lot of people dream about. You know, that alternate life just kind of mobbing around New York with your eyes open. You know, just feeling all the beautiful women goes by and somebody too fucking deviant, vagrant, or whatever fucking beating each other with prosthetic limbs across the street. And you got somebody shooting bullets

in the air and trying to catch him in his mouth. And you got everything. You know, I was in New York one time. Somebody jumped off a building and killed themselves or whatever. And the crowd's starting to disperse, you know. And then some lady walks up and she goes, did you see it? And I'm like, what was it? I'm thinking about the body or something. You know, maybe this, and this was, I don't know if she was homeless,

but she, you know, liked to pretend she was homeless a lot, I guess. And maybe she was pretending on this day that she was. She goes, did you see it? And I said, what? And she just pulled her dress up and showed me that big coochie, bro. You feel me? Showed me that big fucking tiger's mouth she had down there, boy. That big side, you know, that big fucking, you know,

looked like about three or four salamanders sleeping next to each other. And one of them, you know, one of them had the gout. But yeah, crazy, man. And thanks for calling, man. You know, like, thanks for calling. Do you seem like a tough, you seem like kind of like a tougher guy. And maybe, you know, I think tougher guys always kind of made me a little bit nervous sometimes when I was young. But here you and I are communicating.

So that's cool, man. It's pretty cool, you know. We got some follow-ups from last week's calls. And I know I'm not getting too deep this week in this stuff. But those are some people that listen. We got an electrician. We got a bad bitch out of Harvard Dental or whatever, you know, medical, dental, fucking brain, whatever. I need a molar in my cerebellum, baby girl.

You feel me? I need a fucking, that mental floss. But we also have some follow-ups from last week, and I want to get to those because those are important because it's you guys getting to give feedback to previous callers. Onward. Hey, Theo, this is Daniel calling from Maui. This is in response to the guy

that got asked to marry has to be married by the fucking foreign chick or whatever. Yep, this is Daniel from Maui. And Maui, boy, y'all out there floating out there in the middle of nowhere, eating pineapples, dude, and fucking catching salmon in your jaw. And also, you just said that this, oh, yeah, we had a call last week.

And a boy said, he said that he got propositioned by a woman to marry him. And this is kind of an older lady. And he's considering it. So here's a suggestion from Daniel. Yeah, don't do it, man. It's not worth it. My kid's mom got on that fucking mess

and married her friend. Her friend paid her, I don't know, like 20 grand or something to marry her. She was Yugoslavian or some shit like that. Well, Yugoslavia is just a regular place. But yeah, I know what you're saying. Something wild out there. You know what I'm saying?

Like Russia, but maybe in the mountains or something. Onward. And they ended up getting caught. And they threw marriage out, and I think the chick got fucking deported, and I don't think anybody's going to go to jail over it, but that shit ain't worth it, man. Do not pass go.

Do not collect $200. So look, yeah, you could be damaging your future. Look, these offers come along a lot, I think, in life in America, where somebody's like, hey, marry this person for 20G. They can live in the country or whatever. And I had an opportunity, you know, in the past. I got offered a couple of cleaning ladies that families were trying to keep in the U.S.

And I didn't go through with them. And everything's been fine. So I think, you know, I think I'm agree with you on this, Daniel. Pass it up, man. Let it go. You know what I'm saying? I think I'm going to agree with you on this, Daniel. Pass it up, man.

Let it go. You know what I'm saying? Maybe marry a real woman that you actually are in love with, and maybe one day y'all might get divorced and she'll just take all your shit. So that way, you know, nothing. All right, let's hear another call right here, man. Or you might just fall in love, bro. Hey, Theo.

This is Adam from Dillingham, Washington. Hey, Adam calling from Bellingham, bro. Hey, Theo. This is Adam from Bellingham, Washington. Hey, Adam. Calling from Bellingham, dude. And I was with a friend one time who his car broke down in Bellingham. And that's it, I think. That's all I remember about it. Let's go. I've been listening to your show for two weeks now. I thought

it was pretty funny. I've been listening to two weeks of mailman related things and guess what your boy is a mailman yeah man boy get in there you out there slanging letters boy

you that package savage baby you out there with them perfume samples and you out there just dropping off them sweet scents into people's boxes boy throw a hit of that s day louder up into somebody's dirty box man i love that dude i was just talking today about how how crazy it was two mailmen called male people male persons whatever you know i'm saying badass motherfuckers that's dropping off that male. And they both had dogs barking in the background.

I thought that was awesome. But thank you for calling in. Adam, you's a mailman as well anymore? And I was laughing at the guy last week who got propositioned for sex. Out in the streets. I'm wondering, I've been a mailman for two years, and I guess what I'm wondering is, why not me? So you ready for something? And this could be, look, if you're a stay-at-home mom, stay-at-home dad, you know, here's the thing. Some jobs, it's already set up, you know.

Put this in the box. Lick this stamp. You know what I'm saying? Stuff this envelope. Fuck me. Buy this stack of paper. You know what I'm saying? There's already enough kind of things out there in that world where you can easily lead right into sex.

You know, it is kind of crazy if you, when you think about this, and it reminds me of that movie Bridges of Madison Counties, and how you could just be there lonely for so long, or if you are lonesome, and you have a man coming by each day, and you ain't hollering at that man. Now, you might not be doing it because you're married, and you're in a committed, you know, and that's where you're at. But sometimes, you just have be doing it because you're married and you're in a committed you know and that's where you're at but sometimes you just have to change it up sometimes you gotta put a

you gotta put a foot out into that fear sometimes you gotta fuck a male person sometimes you have to fuck a male person think about that cause think about this say you're running around town a small town or even a city

there's dogs chasing you and the weather is trying to get you in hail snow hail snail rain tornadoes rainados weather you've never even fucking heard of is coming after these people coming after you imagine you're a male person and you're doing all of this and all of that and surviving and finally finally one day somebody fucks you during the afternoon how would you feel pretty good i bet huh you know sometimes we have to look at it from the other perspective but thank you for calling adam maybe you'll get some man maybe you'll get some. Here's one more follow-up from last week. Hi, Theo. My name is Vidal. I live in Utah.

Thank you for calling, Vidal. I think it's Vidal or Vidal. I can't tell, but thank you for calling, Vidal. And I'm married, and I have a beautiful little girl. Oh, man, you got a beautiful child, and that's awesome, man. Little girls are so sweet.

That's perfect. More? I was just calling because I want to let you know that what you were saying really inspired me when it came to that guy that had lost his grandpa and his girl. I recently, about a month ago, lost my best friend. I'm in the military. He was in the military. I lost him to drugs, and I also lost my sergeant.

And, you know, it's been tough. It's been rough. I do agree that drugs, I was using them to help me feel also as well. And I want to let the guy know that, you know, he's not alone. I know I'm there with him. And, you know, I want to let him know he's not alone. And I'm trying to quit these drugs man and i know he probably wants to too so um if there was something we can do or we can both you know quit at the same time

or something i'm not really sure where i'm going with this i just want to help him out because i don't want anyone to feel what. I feel you, man. Yeah, I feel you, dude. It's tough when you know somebody else hurts and you have had experience with that same pain. And you know they're going through it. Man, it's like secondhand smoke, but for your heart, isn't it? It can be pretty hectic.

Well, thanks for calling, man. You know what? I tried to reach out this weekend to that gentleman and I'm going to try again tomorrow. And maybe we can connect you guys, see if he's okay with that. And yeah, at least you could, you know, you'll know you're not alone then. You know, it's crazy how much different it gets when you just put a little bit of light onto your problem. Because problems, they prosper in the darkness. They become Picassos in the darkness, man. Just a little bit of dirty ink and next thing you know, it's fucking Vincent Van Voldemort.

And that's the dark arts. Things prosper in the darkness and you gotta shine a little bit of light on a man and it can lift up a little bro you know i feel that man i believe that shit i know it sounds crazy dude you know or what the fuck does this dude know what he's talking about oh well dude you know what i'm saying i'll smoke a couple bowls of my own dick son you know i'm saying i'll babysit a cat with my nuts, bruh. Cause that's who I am, bruh. You know what I'm saying? I'll eat caviar off your cousin's ass cheek, son.

Cause I'm rich and naughty. You feel me? Alright, let's take a couple of calls that came in. Oh, best weekend, worst weekend. You know what I'm going to do, though? Let's go. Hey, Theo. This is Haley from rural Illinois.

Hey, Haley. I'm in rural Illinois right now. Onward. I'm just cleaning somebody's house, doing my thing, you know, just like every day. Oh, you're a house cleaner. You know what I just realized the other day? Like, I'm okay with tipping bartenders and servers, you know, at a bar if I buy a drink. But I just, I way rather tip a house cleaner.

You know what I'm saying? Because I'm doing, you know, if I'm at a motel room or a hotel room or something, you know what I'm saying, man. I'm leaving fucking back hair on the mattress, you feel me, homeward. But I had the best weekend ever this last weekend. My boyfriend and I and our three best friends went camping by Starved Rock. And we did some hiking. We did a little drone, you know. Oh, yeah.

You went hiking up by Starved Rock. And you know what's so funny? I drove past Starved Rock today. And I was like, who the fuck would ever hang out around there? And bam, you just called. Excuse me. And you just called. That's pretty sweet.

Because it seemed like a place, Starved Rock, it seemed like a place where things didn't end well for somebody or for a group of people. But I'm glad you guys got out there and had fun. You know, I wish that I went camping more. My sister and her kids go camping all the time. And, you know, I don't do enough of that kind of stuff. I don't really get connected out there in nature enough, and I need to work more on it. I'm going to try to make that a goal for myself. Let's hear more.

Just a little bit, but we did some drinking. We had a great time, and to top it all off, my boyfriend and I came home, and then we went kayaking down the Mackinac River. And we got a little frisky. We made one, twice, or three times. It was really fun. But, yeah, I can't wait to see you in Wyoming this Friday. I'm calling in and telling my boss I got the ship so that I can come see you.

Wow. So you already came to the show then. Oh, this is wild. This came in this week. Well, yeah, it's crazy. A, you called your boss and said you had the shits. That's pretty, I mean, nobody can deny or lie about that. B, you and your boyfriend got out there on that Mackinac River and was out there spanking and busting around each other,

and I like that. I remember going tubing when I was young river and was out there spanking and busting around each other and i like that you know i remember being going tubing when i was young and um and stopping and doing some sex and doing some child sex because i was still a child and so was the girl that i was seeing and we could legally have sex with each other because we were both children and doing some child sex out there on the banks and it's fun you know what's fun about that kind of stuff you gotta fuck fast because your friends are waiting for you they're right up around the bend and you slip off on that sandbar and bust out you know and it's all i mean every in your genitals everybody's genitals so cold you can't

even tell what's getting fucked or what's doing the you know what's doing you know really doing a lot of the darting and what's doing a lot of the accepting it's just basically like smashing cold meat into it chunks of cold meat into each other until, until both of them, uh, you know, just coom out a little, but, uh, thank you for calling. That is a best weekend. Let's hear another submission for our best worst weekend. Hey, Kyle from Maryland. I just wanted to call in, talk to you a little bit about my past weekend. My girl of almost eight years just moved in yesterday. Ooh, brave boy. More?

So we're all pretty stoked about that. That's pretty cool. You know, we made some nice dinner. In the midst of all that, chopping garlic. Fucking cut my hand. Girl was there, all nice, happy, everything was sweet, great day. Fucking ends up in the emergency room, I'm cutting my hand. Ooh, the irony for a vampire, huh? Ha, onward.

We end up getting back after, you know, just a few stitches, and then we put on the Theo Vaughn Netflix special, laughing hysterically. Go get us, you know, go get it done, get it in afterwards. Sitting there in bed, she rolls over, she tells me, you know, Theo Vaughn, funny dude, funny guy. So we look it up, boom, you're in Washington, D.C. in November. Bought us some tickets. Gonna come see you, buddy. Appreciate you. Thanks.

Thank you, guys, man. And obviously, I know I'm not the only person who realized that that's a threesome invitation right there. You know what I'm saying? A little bit of garlic, a little bit of cutlery, trip to the hospital, stitches netflix people fucking i mean look i mean how much morse code or charades you got to put down there for now y'all trying to get daddy in that bedroom um that is awesome man and the crazy thing is if you cut your hand open and you're having sex if you almost have to keep your hand in the air so it doesn't throb very much but that's interesting man and i appreciate your weekend. That is a great weekend.

Both of these are great. We got one more submission for this past month, and then next week I'll let you know who won for this month. For our best worst weekend, here we go. Hey, Theo. Calling in for the best worst weekend. Your boy Devin B in Youngstown. Oh, shit. My boy

Devin B out in Youngsteezy. Boy, Youngstown, Ohio. And that's a great place to get some cornbread and get fucked up as well and get mugged maybe even. Or even also get into the military. Onward. I don't really know if I want to say it's a bad weekend per se, but this weekend I just hung out with my dog and did some molly, man. Ooh, hung out with your dog and did a little bit of ecstasy, huh? Hmm.

That sounds like some David and the Gnomes type of shit. Remember that cartoon? David and the Gnomes? And they had like little gnomes and suddenly they had a wolf or like a dog, like a sled dog hanging out with them and you're like damn they got this big white dog hanging out with this little you know frisky little little person this fucking somebody's on ecstasy onward fucking i i know that sounds weird but pretty sure we connected like on a different level oh i bet I bet you did, dude. I mean, I hope it was

all kind of stuff you could talk about at the church, you know, onward. Shit, man. I don't know. Okay, and there you go, man. I don't know. Is that bestiality or is that just friendship what is it what did we just hear guys what did we honestly just hear i

i do not know uh let's take another call right here this was just a regular um somebody hitting the hotline with a thought or a suggestion the hotline number is 985-664-9503 um and if you want to contribute to the podcast, call and contribute. There's also a video fan line. You can send video fan line questions through our live raise fan line. And that link is on the YouTube page. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, please. Let's hear.

Hey, what's up, Theo? It's Zach from Toronto, Canada. Zach from Toronto. And I'll be up there in Toronto a little bit later this year. So get those passes to JFL Toronto. More? So my conundrum is that I'm 29 and I never had sex with a girl. Wow.

Dude, I got to think about this, man, because you're 29. You never had sex huh wow because let's hear let's listen to you we've listened to me enough let's sorry I interrupted you Zach more you know and it's not like I'm not a freak I'm a bigger dude you know I'm like 6'2

like 230 240 bro you sound cute enough there's girls listening right now who would probably fuck you bro and a couple dudes too bro so one way or another we we might get you out of this jam let's hear more and uh you know i've been spending a lot of time just working on my education i got some university degrees oh man so i'll tell you what you are fucking do you're fucking the world bro because you're getting yourself some uh some diplomas do you you know you know i'm saying you stacking that paper you stacking that that you know those frame fillers man you got a couple hitters more and

try and get a career off the ground but it's like i never had sex with a girl and i'm and i never really pursued it either wow so you're what I mean I mean Joe Rogan talks about this thing called the incels I think and it's people that don't have no interest in sex at all I don't know if that's what you are because I have to research it a little bit more and that's just and also you could just be your own thing but this is super interesting man I'd love to uh I'm gonna have to call you and talk to you on the air about this, but let's finish your call. But I'm starting to think like maybe I should just give up

and be celibate forever. Dude, I heard this, man. If you don't have sex and you go to heaven, bro, that there's like everybody, it's like you're like a pinata and they beat you open and all of like the semen

and all that, confetti or whatever, because semen is basically just confetti but from heaven. And it all flies out of your body. People beat you open, and it flies out of your body. But it doesn't hurt. But it's just like a celebration. It's like a maypole celebration or something like that, or I guess like Cincopole celebration or something like that or like i guess like cinco de mayo or something uh more and uh also my buddy my buddy even he he really likes those

hookers right okay he's out there escorting more and uh he even offered to pay for me to fuck the hooker and i said no because i'm not that kind of shit. But, I don't know. What do you think about that? You know, I was like 29 years old, never had sex with a girl. I got my dick sucked once, but that was a while ago. I don't know. What do you think? Man, I love it. You know, this is fascinating to me. You know, this is super interesting and it's fascinating to me. That you've been through all, you're 29. What do you do?

You know what? This is kind of a crazy week because I'm on the road. I'm going to leave it right there. What does he do? Here he is. He's been through, he's 29 years old. He's been alive for 29 years, he said, and he don't have any sex. years he said you know and he don't have any sex you know he's never gotten that warm you know that warm catfish wrapped around his freaking you know his uh his you know his uh his his his his body

dart you know he's never gotten to hide that fucking that meat cane up in that, up in that soft sock, so what, you know, at this point, because here's another thing, your imagination, I'm sure, is, I don't know if there's any, even any, and if you've been watching pornography, which, I mean, I'm just assuming, say, assuming you have been watching pornography, there's no way you're imagining that something in real life, I don't think it's going to be able to compete with that. And also escorts, look man, escorting is a means to an end. These are women who are out there working. These are making, you know, these are women who are, a lot of women putting their families through, putting their children through kindergarten.

You know, it's's like that's not the that isn't if that's how you get sex i don't think that's a demeaning way um this is interesting what does he do he's 29 years old i'll give you a call uh but i'll wait and do that on the air because i think we should talk. I'd love to talk to you in front of it, you know, so everybody can be involved as I learn so that everyone learns at the same time. But yeah, man, look, we'll get into it. We'll get into it. You know, I'm going to finish up my holiday weekend because Fourth of July is coming up. I want to say happy Fourth of July to anybody who served for our country.

And I also want to say that, you know, this is your up. I want to say happy 4th of July to anybody who served for our country. And I also want to say that, you know, this is your America. This is your America. Don't let any, don't let your boss tell you what your America is supposed to look like. Don't let your, don't let your, a celebrity tell you what your America is supposed to look like. Don't let someone who holds a job over your head tell you what your America is supposed to look like. Don't let someone who holds a job over your head tell you what your America is supposed to look like. This is your America. Celebrate it however you want. This is your America. You know, I want to thank all the men and women who have served, who protect our independence. You know, so many times they want to say, you know, people want to say, oh, well, you know, anybody can come into America.

It doesn't even matter. But, you know, I'd love to know from some soldiers out there, how do you guys feel about that? You know, if you're protecting our borders, or this might be my mindset, and it's totally wrong because I'm not doing this. But if you're protecting our borders what do you think the border should be like you know um how do you manage the idea of America being like a safe haven for people but at the same time America being um able to take care of itself you know what does that look like are some of these ideas old ideas and some of these ideas um far-fetched you know what does that look like are some of these ideas old ideas and some of these ideas um far-fetched you know i'd love to if there's any uh any people who've served out there who might have some insight into that because um i can have my ideas but i haven't protected the

walls of uh you know i haven't protected um the not the walls you know saying the that i haven't protected our borders i've never done You know, I don't, if, is that in your heart when you choose to fight for America, or if you choose to defend America, if you choose to serve in the military, is that in your heart, or is that, or is it just, that isn't Matt, you know, that's just part of the, I don't know, I'm just, I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued what that's like. Because there just seems to be a lot of different viewpoints on it. You know, I tend to believe that there should be an organized way for people to come in and out of our country. That's what I believe. Because, and here's why.

To me, because I've traveled to I've traveled to a lot of countries maybe 40, 50 and there's an extremely organized way that I have to go in and out of those places and some places they don't even want you there you know and I just I don't even want you there. You know, and I just,

I don't see how you lose with organization. In fact, I see only how you gain. Because then if somebody comes here and they need help, you know who they are. And I think America, we need a roll call anyway. We need to know who's here. You know, how can you teach a class?

How can you work with a class if you don't even know who's in the classroom? If they got, you know, seven or teach a class how can you work with a class if you don't know who's in the classroom and they got you know seven or nine students hiding in behind the coat rack because they're afraid to live openly um you know so i think we got to have an organized way for people to come into the country that's what i think uh but i'm happy uh to be proven wrong or i'm happy to hear a different suggestion or a different idea. Because you know what? There's a good chance I might not know what the fuck I'm talking about. But I'd love to know from people

that protect our borders, what do they think? Or is there even a group, or is there like a popular group thought there? Or is it all just everybody has different opinions and you just don't bring them up because you're on the job and that sort of thing.

But none the matter. None the matter that. Whether people share the same ideas on that or not. Happy 4th of July to you. And hope you spend it. Hope you watch a fat uncle fucking mug down four or five fucking hot dogs, dude. You know? Because it's America, man,

and we can enjoy ourselves. And hope you listen to some good music. Play some Will Smith, you know what I'm saying? Play some shit your dad might even know a little. Play some Will Smith and let's do it.

We'll get out of here. And this is, again, this is Alabama by Bishop Gunn. Thank you very much. Happy Fourth of July. Thank you for being here. We'll get a more regular episode next week. I'll see you on Thursday's episode with Jordan B. Peterson.

Hit the hotline if you have questions for him. And be good to yourselves because I bet you deserve it. Thank you guys for coming out this weekend in Wyoming, Illinois. And just making me feel at home, even in such a small place. I had a blast. She was hotter than the blacktop Broke down at a truck stop She looked about as wild as the story she told Said she was a Christian saving souls in Savannah

And the Lord was sending her to Alabama Had a pistol in her boots Blonde hair, dark roots I don't know. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots.

Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots. Dark roots than a children's rhino. Slam. That's powerful. Yeah, Alabama. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, Thank you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages.

A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, sweetheart. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Do you know what I mean?

I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club third rule like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

or watch us on YouTube yeah and yes don't worry my Brad Pitt impression will get better