This Past Weekend - Andrew Santino 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #248

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_    Andrew Santino https://instagram.com/cheetosantino    Red Rocket Tour https://www.andrewsantino.com/tour -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   This episode brought to you by   Blue Chew Visit https://BlueChew.com and use promo code THEO to receive your first order free plus $5 shipping   Manscaped Visit https://Manscaped.com & get 20% off plus free shipping with code THEO   Ridge Visit https://ridge.com/THEO and use code THEO for 10% off   MyBookie Visit https://MyBookie.ag and use promo code THEO to get half of your first deposit matched   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Music   “Shine” - Bishop Gunn  http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon  Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Ashley M Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Christopher Becking Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue David Christopher Dentist the menace Devin James Cornwell Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte John Kutch Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Justin L Kaylyn Dudich Kenton call Kirk Cahill Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mona McCune Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sean Scott Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vincent Gil Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Potatoes collapse to society. That's sad that a root vegetable collapsed your whole society Yeah, and do they have sweet potatoes too or just regular potatoes ain't nothing sweet up there? Oh Oh, you got a fucking sugar up your tarts, bro, you can't even I can't imagine running But a World War two house came with gun a bag of gunpowder and Chitlins a bag of chitlins cracklin. Do you think Andrew Santino here today. Thanks for coming in man. Thank you, brother. Yeah, I'm so happy to be here This is I was bragging before we started. This is incredible man No one has anything this cool on the wall of all the podcast studios. This was such a smart idea

Who's that was this your idea? Thanks. This was Papi O'Toon. I'm not sure. I think we just discussed it Nick, what do we we discussed it and decided this was it? I reluctantly have to give some props to Gianni Let's not give him any fucking I don't want to give Gianni props Gianni the twink man. He's a sweet boy Man, he got all his meals for free in New York when we went out to eat. Really? Yeah, he was just so cute. He walked in and he winked at The host and she goes meals on us. He said he can make his butt smile like the crack again Yeah, he but well when he when he turns sideways He can he hoists his shoulders up and you can kind of see the top of his crack just lean up just a little bit Yeah, he's he's a talented dude. I got to tell you a really cute talented dude. It's too bad about what happened

I know that's it is what it is Look, we don't you know his perversions or his perversions man. He really needs to get some help though I'm just being honest. It's just one of those things where I feel like a guy like that He was gonna get caught at some point for doing what he was doing Yeah, and it's downhill in the crazy part in this business when it's downhill brother. It is straight down straight down It's directly straight down. I mean we can ask we know a lot of people that have already plummeted that far You know Bert's not putting his shirt off anymore. He's he's keeping his shirt on well They had charged some lady filed a charge against him. She did. Yeah, what was it? What would you know?

It's like a decency or something. Yeah complete in decency too much in decency dude I remember when I was yelling the first he felt I even ever masturbated to as a buddy who had big tits like that You how big how big were they this boy? I don't want to say his name man because he's a nice boy. Oh, is he still alive? Yeah, yeah, he's still alive as far as I know and he I'll just yeah Um, who was your first? What was your first crush? Do you vividly remember your first crush? Oh, yeah Yeah, who was it this girl Chrissy hunt man The name is so hot and she had one of her tooth She was kind of chipped off a little bit like she had that Lloyd Christmas in the front. Yeah. Oh, man

They're more exotic somehow. Oh Chrissy hunt and I remember she had good posture. That's what I love bro. I'm like damn who was that straight-up bitch over there She was just posture. Yeah, just so damn vertical dude I just felt like she She stood she stood for something. That's what I felt like. Yeah for life. She just had confidence in her bones You know, I said that to Steve. I was talking to someone on the way here I said all I saw a tell was in New York when I was in New York and he's got all these bags. He was hunched over. I Was like all my comedic heroes have scoliosis

like all of them are like Like they're all like like kind of like tiny and bent over and I don't know what that is I need to be the stress the burden. Yeah, the burden of being so hilarious being at that being so smart and funny like a Tell is probably the stress a tell kind of shies away from people sometimes to he doesn't like to kind of be seen I feel like it makes him nervous, right? Well, he's yeah I mean, I think it's it's also because I think too many people want to come up to him and talk to him Yeah, because he's so funny. It's and so known But I was watching him walk and he just like I was just like it looked paint it looked painful

Look like he was kind of like we doesn't do yoga. I don't think he's like a yo, you know, he's not that's not one of his things No, no, not anymore What's going on man? You got the new tour. I know I'm doing a new tour in in 2020 the red rag on tour That's awesome. Congrats. Thank you, dude. I've never done small theaters This is the first time I've ever done small theaters in my life and I'm nervous We talked on the phone a year ago when you started doing but you were doing bigger theaters than I'm gonna do I'm doing tiny little theaters, but and the nerves are right. You were righteous about you were like excited nervous I remember we talked on the phone. I was on the four or five

I remember coming from the airport and you were like, I'm excited, but I'm nervous, but it's it's the it's it's dope It's I'm so happy But the pressure is different. It's different than a club. I don't know. I don't I don't know why but it is Yeah, I the scale the growth, you know, yeah the scale the yeah the energy the excitement for me a lot of it It was just like the verb. How does the words work in the room? What is like the audio sound like right? Cuz I started worrying about everything whereas clubs. It was yeah, I had just gotten used to it I knew kind of how it went. I knew if it sounded strange how to adjust it, right? But in yeah, these different venues where they're all kind of different. It was

Yeah, that that can be a little confused. Well, here's why because they don't do they don't do comedy shows all the time, right? A comedy club only does comedy shows. Yeah, it's just it's an on and off switch But with these venues some of these that I'm doing the rock clubs rock club Yeah, you know Cirque de Soleil or yeah, no off. Yeah, no off night for the sir. Yeah They do Do they Disney on really dude, I remember I went to Disney on ice boy. I never been we were fired up Poor kids man. We went somebody. I remember some guy was smoking a joint at it at Disney on ice Yeah, well really? Yeah, because mostly it was kids there and I don't remember looking at this guy being like dang, dude

Yeah, but that's but you know, he's got to get his I can't you can't hate on that guy medication Yeah, well at the time people it's funny that the time nobody saw it as medication at the time It used to be just getting high and now it's considered Medication in that kind of fascinating. Yeah, well, it's only because people have come around to the idea that it's not as bad as people Want it to be what do you think we'll go even higher with drugs? You think we're gonna get to like a level like somewhere They just legalized some cocaine. I believe yeah Dominican Republic. Was that it the DR the DR They got cocaine legal and they also have Frog licking is legal now too in certain countries. You can look for you can you can lick psychedelic frogs. Hmm

What it what I think there's a roof for sure. I think there's a roof what at Denver just legalized mushrooms. Oh, they did Colorado That's right. Yeah for a while now. I'll notice you find anything that I'm not seeing anything on the screen Mexican court says cocaine use is legal for two people Mexico City. Wow. They're having a lot. I mean What was the case? Yeah, what happened? Why they needed it two people should be allowed to use it legally It says the ruling means the unnamed pair can use but not sell According to Mexico United against crime, huh? They need that energy to get back and forth and back and forth over that border, you know Yeah, it's like playing Ted's like red rover

It's a brown rover I said on I said on Christa Stefano's podcast with Yanis Papas I said they were joking about building the wall and I said the wall is cruel like it's a cruel thing But I think it'd be funny if it was a maze. Yeah, like if they had to like you don't I mean if it was an opposite Yeah, yeah, like if it was American Ninja Warrior down there, I'd be so down for that. Well, dude And then the people that would be coming in you'd be getting some real heroes into America a lot of talent. Oh, yeah Get some like like gray day athletes crossing the border. Well, I think there should be a return system

That's what I think it's like one enters one leaves It's like there's I wish there was a level in America for people that don't want to try and contribute it all to society Yeah, that we get to treat, you know Oh, that's more like it's like a battle royale. Oh, you have to prove why you get to stay and someone has to go Yes, that's dope. That's a great idea Or let Vegas bet on people at a certain point at the border to like another point Let him bet like just on who is gonna get can they make it to the next level? Yeah, it's almost like Mario We're setting up Super Mario Brothers and seeing what level they pass they have to beat a boss at every

Oh, yeah point and then they see they get certain, you know, you can get wings, you know, I mean you get a jet pack If you want to jump over people some guy is flying by like man, I'm lost man It going to level three Yeah, I don't know dude, I I don't know I think a lot of times about the border like The people that live there. What is their life? Like that's who I really that live at the border. Yes Like it didn't like what is it like for them? You know, like it's easy for us to judge, you know for us to say this or that but it's like What is it like if you had like are people running through people's backyards? Is it scary or people?

It's gotta be right. I we used to go down in college. There's a place called South Padre Island, Texas Oh, yeah, we should go down there. You've probably been done. You've probably done in South Texas and there's a border town called Damn, Nick. You probably have to find it rose up. No, it's called a no gala snow Damn, bro, it's South Padre Island, Texas. There's a border town to this big bridge you cross, right? It's a massive bridge Port Isabel. No, man. So it's a Spanish name. It's in Mexico the border town there. Well, Isabel. Yeah But not in Isabel. That's Isabel. Go say go. There it is. What Maramotos? That was it? Maramotos. Maramotos, right? So we went into Maramotos

Keep going over to the left and this was Maramotos there it is and this was bad man We got in the bed of a pickup truck in the bed of an f-150 and night like a 1990 f-150 and we and this I'm embarrassed, but I was like in the back and we had all been drinking and it was bound with the truck was bouncing bad Hmm, and I looked where the bed connects to the cab and it was like loose Hmm, like it was not secure. You know what I mean? It was jiggling and I looked around I'm realizing I'm going over this bridge like 80 miles an hour I was like this is this is how I die. This is how it ends dude Do you ever feel like if you died in Mexico you wake back up in America?

Yeah, it was like like like you start again like Yeah, you re you reanimate, but where do you come back to? Where's the city you come back out? I think you probably I'm going probably Columbus or Toledo Toledo Toledo sounds like Toledo or Kansas somewhere in Kansas that'd be beautiful or just walk straight out of that cornfield over there in Iowa right in Dyersville Yeah, yeah, but as you get like a new beginning if you get to start over, you know If you could be if you could be you reincarnated Mm-hmm you same Theo in another part of the world say you were born in another part of the world, but you're the same cat Mm-hmm, where would you be? I'd go Asia, dude

Yeah, I'd be really shocking to people right you like damn this Asian dude is different You know a different. Why does he sound like that? He's a Chinese guy, man You're very unique born and raised in Pyeongkang. Yeah sound like that You think you look you know how I do you know I look like when I went around Japan. Oh wow a guy booed me at the train station Yeah, swear to God. Well, dude, Jim Redheaded people and redheaded like type different type of species and stuff y'all have have had not the best PR How did all this start? I think alcohol. Do you think it was? Irish and alcohol and alcohol. Yeah, yeah the country

I've said this Ireland is a set as a sad wet island. Mm-hmm, and it's got a lot of The the history is bad man. You're talking about like Raping and pillaging of these poor people and then who did it? Well Vikings came through and raped everybody really anybody in the north up there, right? And then on top of it you have like potatoes is there potatoes collapse to society? That's sad that a root vegetable collapsed your whole society. Yeah, and do they have sweet potatoes too or just regular potatoes? Ain't nothing sweet up there. Oh Bro, you got a fucking sugar up your tots, bro. You can't even I can't imagine running on just potatoes

Imagine they go somewhere finally and they see that somebody else has sweet potatoes And it's like what what have we been doing? They don't grow up. I don't know nothing much grows up there Yeah, but it's just like but they're fierce men though. Yeah, they're tough. They're tough people man They're tough as nails. You can kill them and they won't die. No, no that like they're half cats They call them half cats. They got 4.5 lives. It's Unbelievable I think but that's how they build anybody tough when you come when you come like you're from the south Where people from your area growing up, you know, they grew up really tough. So they're naturally just tough people You're a little edgier. They just have certain

I'm not saying everywhere But certain parts of places where you had to just grow up around a little bit more attitude and edge people tend to be just Tougher mentally. I'm not saying they're all strong strong people by physical standards But they all have to have kind of like the way to get through strife easier when you face a lot of stuff like that You just you see that in tough cities, you know your Baltimore. Just like tough. Oh, yeah That's a tough town to Baltimore is a tough town to live in dude Baltimore is the only show I ever had where they had to stop the show because people were fighting in the audience is Baltimore Was that for a comedy factory? Is that what it was or no? What was that? I don't remember what it was

I can't remember the name of that club the power and light district somebody got shot while I was in Baltimore in that area The day that I got into Baltimore somebody got shot and I was I remember talking to manager and being like man, that's nuts, right? And he's like That's not too uncons, he was like it happens, you know, I was like, I hope it doesn't happen this weekend He's like, no, they got they got one out of the way. They'll be extra security all weekend. Where'd I just come back from? That was a I Was just in Indianapolis is a strange city. Yeah wild strange city. Yeah, I could I've never been I'd never been to Indiana Other than crossing the border when we were in high school to buy cigarettes and booze

Oh, you had to go over there you were from Chicago Where you guys go to like buy on Notre Dame or something you guys ever go there? I went to Notre Dame one time when you cross the border in Indiana You would get people go for cigarettes and and stuff because everything's cheaper. Everything was cheaper there It was just way cheaper and then people would go It's just there was less rules in Indiana. Like they just cared a little bit less. Yeah. Oh, I could see that They were more they were more lenient about selling illegally most places a little things get certainly a little bit more lenient out here

Sometimes I can't figure out what it is about LA that because there's a lot of things that I do like about it It's like give the opportunity, you know, it's like I can go do comedy any time I get to be around like really funny people that like I look up to an admirer, you know, right? And then and then also like diversity is so different here. It's like here. It's like, yeah There's a lot of different ethnicities. Everybody kind of gets along. It's pretty chill. There's not really like race I don't I don't ever feel like racial tension here. Really. Yeah, but I think it's also because there's a lot of this city Is pretty segregated in a way. Oh, it's definitely segregated. No doubt That's why I don't there's a lot of tension here because it's almost like

people stick to their neighborhoods here, right like you go in a you go in a A Latin X you go into the Mexican neighborhood and it's almost all Mexican and then a little bit of Korean But then Koreatown's all Korean I feel like when you go to other cities like New York or or Chicago, it's a lot more mixed I mean, it's it's segregated still. Yeah, but it's it's it's like you almost don't have a choice But to interact because because of public transportation. We don't do that here, right? If there was put more public transportation More races would interact here because people of all colors of working-class levels that need to use it

Mm-hmm. You just have to interact or even as people looking for stuff if people were like outdoors look, you know, like Everyone's everyone's in the car doing. Yeah. Yeah, everybody's in the car You can't even if you see somebody walking here. You're like damn, you know, hope they're okay. Yeah Yeah, it's just some guy walking to the store Going grocery shop. Who did I see walking? I saw a comic walking today Oh, it's so weird. We see somebody walking that, you know, you know, it's so strange I want to I speed up so I'd so they don't see me. I don't want them to see I don't want to I don't want to have that weird Hey, we it's too little time to talk. So you just have to keep going

Have you seen someone in public that you made eye contact with that? You know that you just don't you don't say hi you just you guys just keep moving I there's a lot of people I feel like that I know by face But I don't know who they are and I can't remember how I know them or anything and so you just avoid it No, no, no, I'll kind of engage a little sometimes I'll go into a deep conversation I've always had a tough time of knowing like how well I know people are not, you know Like I remember one time I went to somebody's like babies christening or something and they're like, what in the fuck are you doing here, dude? Like you don't even fucking know

And I was like, oh shit, man But I but but you but you're being nice. You're like, I just want to see the baby get birth Yeah, I want to see this the blessing, you know Well, I want yeah, dude. I look brah and the baptism dude. I freaking still remember of dude. I remember taking a couple extra sips when I was under that water, brah You were guzzin Remember the first time I stole one of those um The blood of Christ at a Catholic church cuz you did you did you do some altar boy? No, I did none of that really we weren't Catholic really dude

You should do a series about being a taller altar like a you know tallest altar boy. Yeah the tall boy Yeah, the taller boy the taller boy. Yeah, that's all their boy You totally Let me just say this anytime people look at you. They think you've done altar boy. Do you think that I think so I did it So I know my kind Really you're an altar boy. Yeah. Yeah, I was safe though. I think they knew I would squeal is that why you got that one wandering eye I'm just learning about this He has to refocus every couple of seconds, you know, you see it recheck a little bit

Oh, just checking for the yeah, huh? He's good, but he's good because he's got he's got his eyes on a swivel eyes on the Lord Looking for the devil. He's always looking for the devil. That's why he's smart cat No, we were we weren't Catholic enough for me to be a part of the church. I also got asked to leave Sunday school Multiple times I could see that though. I just didn't enjoy the content Yeah, just was like I was I was always I questioned everything. That's why I like Jews That's part of their religion is to question more. Catholics are like don't ask. Yeah, none of your business Jews are like inquire inquire. Yeah, let's see what's going on. Let's figure this out. Yeah, they're all they're they're all the Sometimes the questions just go too far. It's like, whoa, dude, everything. Yeah, slow down. Let's chill out. Dude. It's just yogurt

You know, you don't need to get the fingerprint get out. Yeah for Catholics now We weren't Catholic enough to be an altar, but how many years did you do it? All all grade school. So K through six. Wow. I'm not gonna ask you the embarrassing obvious cheap question But was it was it traumatic at all? Did you hate it? I I said I think I was safe because they they thought I would tell If uh, so sure you look like you snitch. Yeah, I I wouldn't let that happen I mean the church was so mean my mom because my mom my mom. I mean all my family went to Catholic school and the nuns would beat their ass. Oh, yeah, no I'm saying be like smack them in the face. Wow, they would smack my mother in the face

My mom said it was a totally normal thing and no one would say anything if you if you so much as like made a Like one of those things they would crack you in the mouth But now people question. There's so much more questioning of the Lord or questioning of like any sort of like mainstream um Parameters it feels like you know questioning a police questioning of teachers Well, the authorities always had a society's always had a problem with authority. Yeah, and we want we want to know why they're They treat people certain ways. I mean A power is bias, right? So authority is going to be biased as well

Who you are negative and positive to is inherently going to be part of your Chemical makeup and your bias sorts who you like and dislike and all that stuff is deep rooted in Where you come from who you were raised around? So that's it's just inherent for us to question authoritative figures because who gives anybody the right to tell someone what to do You know what I mean? Yeah, it's kind of like when they say there's no bias in in refereeing or umpiring It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life You think there is a hundred percent because regardless of if if if you're if you're a referee And uh, you're referring a Kentucky game and a Arizona game whatever the sport is

You will have inherently one closer relationship to one of those two places because of a friend a fan, you know something See you're gonna just there's gonna be something in there like a moment in your yeah, like uh, this could have gone either way I'm gonna give it that way. I could be true. I just I just don't believe there is a not there's no non-biased In in in judging an authority. It just can't exist. That's why that's why um Um jury duty is bananas. It's crazy to ask the people. I think that's the crazy. It should be a computer now It's crazier than ever. Yeah, because now it's like you have people that are really more like, okay. I'm over here I'm over here. Like if you walked into a jury now, you're gonna look at the jurors and be like fuck like

Fuck no, dude. I don't stand a chance here or I do stand a chance or I'm gonna get away with murder Yeah, you either you you're right though. I think society is doing is doing this thing now where it's more People are so much more defined like there's for some reason people are so angry at the opposition Whatever they dislike that they'll they want to go the as far as they can away From them when you should be getting a little bit closer to find out. Yeah, why they feel that way I don't know man up. There's a lack of empathy sometime But it's like there's definitely become and somebody said they were trying to make virtual reality So you could empathize with the way that other people are like some companies trying to make virtual reality

So you know how it is to be Mexican and you know, how does to be black? You know, it is to like, you know Be no arms or whatever, you know have that, you know, nothing or can't read or something and I'm like Well, fuck dude, nobody's gonna play that game For some reason a lot of these white guys aren't playing this game You know, who doesn't get enough credit Mexican people, dude, I love Mexican people everything in Los Angeles The predomination of the workforce is Mexican. The reason we're in operation is because of Mexican people if if if Mexican people literally left

Southern California Nothing would function. I'm dead. I'm dead ass serious Yeah, they could easily change the minimum wage if they want if they all just said, yeah, if they took a knee Yeah, like if they protested I mean think about every meal almost every meal I eat is cooked Uh Predominantly there's a lot of Mexican cooks Uh, a lot of Mexicans take our caretakers of You know, uh, everything from labor jobs to

Hospice hospital jobs. I mean your fields from grapes to freaking raisins to human every single senior citizens human raisins everything it never it's just like Man, I was thinking but it's like that's it's not racist to say that. Why would it be? Yeah They're they're they're a product. We're giving credit to a predominant workforce. They're a hard-working people who Find the jobs that work For what they can what they can what they can give versus and I'm not trying to be you know this dude But a lot of Americans especially Americans that were like taking our jobs a lot of those Americans didn't try for those jobs anymore So you can't be mad at people that

We're hard-working that wanted something you can't be angry about that. Yeah, I never get it. I'm hard-working is my favorite attribute of anybody Yeah, if you're if you just are gone if you if you'll stop at nothing to just continue to work hard and get new work I don't know how you can be so mad at that. It's your own fault for you getting your own way But people want to get lazy and then they complain. Yeah, there's not enough work. I'm someone. He's taking my jobs I don't I promise they're not taking your specific and by the way, there's always new jobs being Worked out. Someone's figuring out a new job somewhere. I think people just get lazy and they it's easier to complain It's way easier to complain. Oh, yeah, than to do anything. Oh, I do it like I notice about myself

I notice I'll do it like with the industry and stuff, you know It's like just having it because I have a chip on my shoulder a lot of times about the industry. So do you though still Yeah, I think it just carries carry it over, you know, I think a lot of it I think just from feeling you know over years of feeling like oh, I didn't get a chance You know at so many people get chances that it seems like they You would get a chance, you know, you would get more of an opportunity that even when I do have opportunities I don't notice them because I'm still stuck in that mindset sometimes, you know I feel that but I mean, what would you what would you want differently now? Do you know what I mean?

What what would it be differently at this point? I you know, what's funny is sometimes I don't even know and I will still Still get mad about it have that edge. Yeah, that's funny. So yeah, I'm just saying like I can that I relate to what you're saying there because Yeah, it's it's just easier sometimes to complain. It's sometimes and here's the thing a lot of I don't even notice it about myself You don't know you're doing it. Yeah that you have this like kind of like it's not a self-pity thing, but it's like It's easier to keep that ball in the air. Yeah, then to Let it you know to then to get over whatever it is totally and take advantage of your opportunities Totally. I mean, I was talking to some of the other day. I won't mention their name But it's they were talking to me about how somebody had kind of hurt them and you can say who it is, dude

He doesn't he probably wants to keep it private. Oh, I thought it was Tulsi Gabbard. It is Yeah, come on. Hello. She was talking about she was like that bitch hurt me bad and I said she's got that bus now Bro anybody riding on it She got a bus and then she dropped out wasn't hilarious. That was the funniest video I've ever seen in my life She's like look at my boss and then like two minutes later. She was like she dropped out I think she the bitch just wanted a bus. That's all this is a bus home All aboard dude. I love policies to getting so fucking good, bro So many people are getting it funny and for all of these candidates, especially like a democratic candidates have all just like

They're all just canceling each other out before they even have chances. So how many republicans you know are running by the way How many can you name? None, I don't think isn't that funny But I can name you 10 democrats who are like putting their hat in the ring now I mean, Mike bloomberg is putting all these hands out in he's well I think he's he stands the best here, but I think sander says stands your best chance over there I guess man. I don't know. I think a lot of people have a big issue with uh Oh with his platforms with his platforms. I think just because he went on rogan and people got to hear him in like a real sense

I think you definitely by that episode you got to know him more. I'm just saying that he I don't think he stands a chance to win But I think he just stands a chance to get their nomination. That's all I mean Yeah, that's probably true. I think you know what? I think the I was trying to I was trying to talk about it on stage I was trying to figure this out. I think the like I think the country Would love a regular. You know how they say donald trump is a regular dude, you know like he's like he's uh on america He's really not right. I think they really want a regular ass dude. I think the country would benefit darin darin Darin from damoyne, Iowa. Yeah, who just is Daniel Daniel, but he's just doing it. Yeah I think they ready for I can't talk about this all day, man. I gotta work man

Yeah, people like oh, I fucking respect that their president's gonna talk from six to seven when he gets off of work And he doesn't do press conferences because he's like i'm busy, bro I'm cooking my kids breakfast. Yeah, like it'd be nice to have a president who didn't have all those Like the private chef and the drivers and all that stuff It's just like that they it'd be nice to have a president of the people who literally was like has a normal people schedule Because then he could bitch about real ass shit. Yeah, if he was like no, man, my kid the traffic was crazy today Yeah, I'm trying to take my kid to school and then you know the window I had to get the window panes redone like it'd be funny to hear a president talk

Like how average people have to talk. Yeah, it would it would just feel more Connected, you know, because everyone's like We need a businessman a businessman and then when trump got in that's what they kept they kept raw around a businessman But now democrats are trying to run on that same Platform ironically enough like bloomberg's whole commercial. That's what he's pushing. I'm a businessman But i'm a but i'm a liberal but it's like you're too late that game is gone You know what I mean? That's not going to be the selling no no person in the middle is going to go Ah, that's what we needed a liberal businessman. Yeah, that wasn't why they like trump as a businessman

It's the opposite. They like the fact that he was cutthroat a cutthroat businessman. Yeah, you know Well, I think things people then want things to be more cutthroat. I think that there's too much We we can do everything Yeah, because it's I think some of the proof is starting to show up in front of our faces that we can't help every person Sorry in the whole world. We can't do and I know the goal is to try to do that Yes, you want to try to help everyone You know, but the reality of it is that at a certain point. I think it becomes It's impossible. Yeah, it it know it is it is literally impossible and so then you're like well

We're America. We should do it at least by example and I agree. It's just that in some ways it's like In the end it comes down to us. It's like we need to Help each other. We're politics. We're the we're the president. We're the vice. It's people Right. It's people. It's not some You know thing that's always going on that we can all point fingers at and blame. It's people and how we treat each other and how we behave um That's

Either gonna make or break this overall Earth program. Yeah for sure. Well, I also think I think like Like go back to like how we started in villages, you know, like it takes a village that old phrase like it takes a village to raise a child You know, I think like when we had smaller units and villages and little bubbles They they were more high functioning because everyone kind of served a purpose Well, now we have so many people and the village is so large now It's just difficult and now we're trying to help out not just our village, but a village 2000 miles away another state That's really I think that's what's really hard is other states trying to solve other states problems on a federal level

Is super difficult. Well, I love going back to state government, you know, I think it would help a lot I think it would help people focus more on like, um, you know, what's going on more locally with them Your village you need it. We need more help in our own villages. It's really hard to help other people I I wish we could dude. I'm not one of those people. That's like, yeah, I wish we could too No doubt, but also you have so many errant people saying like well, what about these people? It's a picture of like nine people starving in, you know, viet guam and you're like first of all, that's not a place It's not a real country. Yeah Look at that, bro. And that picture could be 20 years old 14 years like it just and somebody fires it off

You know some angry little gay gentleman. He's like, what about these guys? You know, what about Terrence and these other guys? Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Yeah And it's like dude, it's so seven thousand fucking people sitting somewhere with no job retweeted Right and now that's a thing. That's the new thing. It's like that's not the thing, dude The thing is how do I? Help myself and how do I help the people that are closest to me? I think well, yeah, and and and if you have I don't think I don't think you should be forced To help but I think it should be encouraged and and it should be a positive notion, right?

Like I'm not saying everyone with tons of money should give away all their money But I think it should be like it should it should be a cooler notion, right? Yeah, how they try to make I'm not doing drugs cool. You know how they're like say no to drugs like that's cool Yeah, it's like they tried that program. It's like the idea should be more But that wasn't that it was cool. It was they've tried it But dude remember it would always be can you look up a say no to drugs dare dare program car wreck at school school car wreck they used to every every year bro, they would bring This car wreck to our school and they would set it up out on the phone. Oh, I see it right a drunk a drunk driving car

I know. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, and then fucking fat Lance dude and his wife who were like and that was the guy's name I'm not calling him fat dude. His name was fat Lance. Yeah, it was yeah It was a fucking eight letter eight letters on his birth certificate in his first name And it was fat Lance But um, they would drive up with like the fight like just some bootleg like lights blaring on the top of their truck and like Oh my god, what happened, you know And then they would smell the kids breath when I'm they wouldn't even check the kids pulse or anything If they were live very unorganized wanted to make sure he was drunk. Yeah, like oh damn. He's drunk drunk

He's dead and drunk Were you looking for a specific? Yeah, can you put a picture up of it? No, yeah The do a do a do a west Hollywood does that too. They still do that every car They put out cars in the middle of the city of drunk driving accident Oh, yeah, they just put one out there in front of the police station every year Oh, but it's also like why is it only one time you think it happens all year round? They just say to the holidays. There's probably the most right there. There's one at school, right? That's a painted yeah

When when they did ours, uh, it was always before prom and the girl died and then they played eric clapton, uh Tears in heaven. Yes. Yes Dude, I used to share a room with a gentleman over there outside of uh in the warehouse district in New Orleans when I went to Loyola down there and um I just learned tears in heaven on the guitar and he used to make me come in the room and play it for him And his girl at night some lady. He was banging really I used to make my buddy play stairway to heaven. He would do coke and his fingers would bleed He strummed the guitar so hard. He would be coked out playing stairway to heaven. I loved it so much

I make him play it over and over the best part about your friends doing coke playing guitar They'll never not play the song. Yeah, that's true. Then never put that thing down You'll go man play that song. They'll go you want to play it again? It's like, yeah, play that again They'll loop you till you wake up the next morning I just learned it from when I go in there and drop it three times on him, you know And then I try to play every rose has it so many like no no no no no go back. Let's go back to the other one, dude Yeah, that picture was so ridiculous because it looked so it they made it so fake It's just can you bring that back up? It was so fake. It was so fake

That's why we laughed at it that and they like and remember the counselors or whoever the it's like that's not funny You're like, but it that is ridiculous. Yeah, and they were always and I remember one year They tried to make it more ethnic in our town and they were like, yeah, ladarro couldn't handle his liquor, you know Where what county was he from? He was he came over two counties over ladarro couldn't handle Who is ladarro? Let's go to that one on the top right too, Nick. Yeah, that one right. Yeah, that's that that's that's that looks it Yeah, the one person was always Like shuttled through the window. Yeah, she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. Yeah

That was a bit you know what that this is not that's this isn't funny But how how crazy is it that sometimes when people aren't wearing their seatbelt? It's the only thing that saves their life That's what blows my mind when they're like always saves your life It's like people get flung out of the car and they say if they stayed in the car it would have crushed them But they get thrown out you know break every bone, but they're still alive. It's just it's it's like that's why I believe The funkiness that you can't predict any of that stuff. You're going when you're going big thing Oh, you're going when you're going. I mean you can help you can help scenarios But I think it's supposed to happen for sure when it's supposed to happen

I think it's yeah, man But do you think it's pre-ordained or you think it's just like that's when the when that roulette ball drops right on I think when that ball drops I think when jesus wakes up and has a bad day and he looks at you and he's like that one's gone Yeah, that one's gone. This guy's going this guy's got to go. Oh this tall, uh, altar boy It's gone out this altar boy. He's got to go This altar boy with the wandering eye that kid's got to go dunking at all the christian games. He's out We can't have that man. We can't have this tall thin altar boy. Yeah, I just think it's you're I don't think

I don't like fate. I don't like the word fate but I think I think things just happen at random, but they're they're there's no stopping them Do you think you can do things or behave or operate in a way in the world that would make god or higher power Keep you here longer. Yeah. No No, because there's a lot of people that do a lot of bad things to other people that kill people that That abuse people touch them touch them. Yeah, and they still live so that's why I don't believe in that system I don't think it's you can stick around longer by being a better person. I think you can

I think you may physically make yourself healthier by being a better person which in turn Increases your odds Right the more things you do for people that are better the better you take care of your body and your mind Yeah, you're gonna spend yourself. You're gonna spend time in better environments You're gonna spend time like it's gonna physically help you have a better chance of living longer for sure But there's probably a really good guy out there who? Falls off rock climbing. Is it a good cat? But it's just a freak accident. A god just did actually let's bring him up Nick some guy just fell, huh? Yeah, you fell from where a gentleman just passed last week two days ago or something

One of these rock boys just oh, yeah, he was uh one of the subjects of uh free solo He was bulgerian. I think no he was Via gang and he might have been via gang and I think he was uh Jepper rogwin. Was he really? Yeah That's so you know, they can only see color in one eye. Oh, yeah Yeah And their left eye it's so I don't know why it is but it is it's almost beautiful. Accomplish free solo Brad go bright was his name

Brad go bright Right Pause on all sides. Look at look at the color Accomplish free solo. Brad go bright dies in climbing accident their descent 3 30 p.m. Hmm What else does another climber fell two guys fell Damn with him free soloing man That I mean, it's just it's the why it's you're you're pushing you're just begging the universe to try to Try to make it harder for you to stay around

I think climbing a rock without ropes is just the wildest thing on earth. Oh, yeah I don't know much. That's crazier that free solo documentary. You saw that, huh? Creep me out It gave me the it made my chest feel weird right because I was like this dude is off his rocker. He had zero regard for The idea that he actually could go. I think he just didn't it would never registers to him that like Death is a thing that's real. It just doesn't feel like it is to him. He's like, no I mean, I know people die, but I don't I'm not gonna die. What's the closest you ever came to dying? Honestly choke

I was gonna say one time I choked on a McNugget and I thought I was gonna die. I'm dead ass serious. I choked on a McNugget. Where'd you get it from? Mickey D's But where though, do you remember which market out those mcdonalds on naper? Yeah in chicago chicago and downtown in the suburbs No in the suburbs and naperville wood ridge Choked on a nugget Hmm. I swear to god. I thought I was gonna die. He was lodged in my throat. No, I was with a buddy. Oh, wow And he was he was I was like

And he was trying to do the hymn but it wasn't really working and I had I was trying to force myself And it dislodged somehow. Thank god, but I thought for sure that was I mean, I've had a few moments of like You know bad accident type of stuff that freaked me out that gave me a scare But it wasn't like I mean I had I caught a I got a rebound when I was in High school at an open gym game and a guy took out my legs I fell on my neck and I blacked out like four or five times didn't break my neck though I think the doctor said something like I was a few pounds per square inch of pressure from cracking my And my neck neck crazy. This is the vertebrae was so bruised and had so much swelling and pressure from the liquid

That like it alone should have broke just to relieve itself, but it didn't I got lucky I was blacking in and out of consciousness when the paramedics were there and they said it was a severe concussion I felt it for like a week and a half I dude, I don't know what those football players go through in the nfl But falling on my neck one time I just changed the way I played basketball forever. I don't I never I stopped jumping. I was like, I'm never jumping again Scared me so much man. It was just it freaked me out. I woke up in the hospital three or four times You throw up sometimes when you have a concussion. You ever get one?

Yeah, yeah, I got one of my brothers. I was looking for something and I fell down, but um, you smacked your head Yeah, just hit my head on something real hard at like this weird angle coming down and uh Next thing, you know, I was like talking to him didn't even remember like standing back up then sat down And then did you throw up a lot of people throw up Uh-huh. She felt like I needed to take a nap and I was like right in this middle of like this conversation with him It was just really really Very bizarre. Did you have a near-death moment in your life? You know, I choked actually this was in Chicago

I choked on if I have Gatorade and tuna fish at the same time. I'll chip my throat closes up That's in your wikipedia page. No, it is But Gatorade and tuna fish. Yeah, there's something about the Uh, like the acid and the what's in tuna fish that would make you get Fish fish. I don't know fish oil fish But I have it and uh, bro, and I and it happened once before and I was like, oh, this is insane You know, you had tuna fishing Gatorade once before and it just you did it again And I was like, oh, this is just something else is going on and that you know

Maybe I could suck my be maybe I stepped on something but um But this time when it happened I was like, oh, fuck this really is a thing I should have learned the first time but this really is I like tempted it, you know We'll call our Gatorade. Uh, this was pink. Oh That could be why so I'm in a hotel room in Chicago. I'm having it. You know, I'm running late. I just went to the gym. Excuse me Bless bless Bless

Three three bless four Always a three I'm a two You are I'm a two only two nick is a two. I'm a two. Yeah Oh, I gotta tighten up that third one is like, hey, I'm what are you doing? It's a little much. Yeah, it's like I bless you Bless you and then when I when the third one comes I go like this Bless you. I come a little tired of saying bless you now at that point. My grandma does four or five Yeah

Four seniors go risk it was a form of communication back then it was flirting with someone if you Bless them three times four times, you know, you think she made herself sneeze more. Oh She'd be sniffing sniffing dust all day. Just You ever say have someone have one sneeze and it's really creepy and they don't sneeze again And you get nervous, right? And they're like And they keep talking to you and you're like, what was that like? I just sneezed dude I had a friend who would close his mouth sneeze out of his nose all the time. Oh my god Fucking savage. Don't ever hold your breath and sneeze. You know that right? Don't ever do that. You blow an o-ring that way

I know a guy that did that. Yeah, he you know when you hold it in he didn't want to sneeze out loud Oh Blue is blue is booty makes my weiner hurt man. That kind of stuff scares me. Does your we do you get do you have Are you scared of heights? I wouldn't say that I'm scared of heights, but I'm not real fired up about them when you look at when I look over like A big balcony. Mm-hmm. My penis feels weird. Does that do that to anybody else one? I'll tell you why and you can if you don't mind googling this as well, Nick But it's crazy. It's because you're lively your life is in your in my penis. Yeah, but I don't feel it in my balls

longevity though, but you're That the the thing of I'm gonna live long. I'm gonna have a child. I'm going to procreate all of that is in your Genitalia in that area, but it rattles through my shaft. It's like a it's like a rattler Yeah roaming through my shaft because your shafts like hey, we have to procreate. We gotta stick around. We need family Yeah, we not you're not a bird. You know I'm saying your dick's trying to let you know you're not a bird We need family. Yeah stick around. Don't jump. That's what it's doing Yeah, it makes me tingle in my penis when I when I get my own heights. It's that thing Are you seeing something there, Nick? A male that is afraid of heights when they are on a ladder peering over balcony

Do I get a tingling sensation on my balls? See look, this is a reddit thread. Someone was asking explain like I'm five why this happens and uh Someone else said the funny thing is I get that same tingling feeling when I'm very excited about finishing a task I completely understand that I get the angst I get anxious about when something's about to come to a close my balls tingle Hmm Like when I end every set when I get the light and stand up my balls start to tingle like I know it's coming to a close Yeah, it's weird. My nuts your balls are trying to stay to say stay safe And you have a journaling coursing through your veins. Your brain is telling your body. There may be danger coming

It's fight or flight kicking in I'm fighting baby. There's no flight in these knots They are trying to re exit your body. This is your semen trying to exit your body to reach a safer place Now that makes sense. Well, should I carry a cup? I should just put a bunch of semen in a cup When that happens to save that that might be the good stuff. Well, those articles now say freeze all your blood They say get as much blood out of your body freeze it somewhere get it's in case you need it in the future In case your kids need it in case because otherwise you're taking your kids somewhere and be like, hey, does anybody have any fucking blood? Yeah, stranger's blood

That one's stranger blood when you're full of it and you're like, oh fuck somebody Yeah, I got so much blood. I have so much blood. Do you really I have too much blood Doctors told me I have too much blood. I uh, I cut I cut my gums on uh on a potato chip um Habanero a habanero potato chip and I I bled for like a month and a half I went to the doctor and he said you got too much blood. It's got to get out Yeah, it's like really it was I was relieving some of the pressure But I asked him if my blood was worth anything and he pulled me into a little tiny room and he said me your blood is worth

More than most Americans. You're in the one percenter of the blood club So I sent it for this thing. I have a card. I have to go I have to go see this You know person who tests me every every couple of weeks from the from the government. Is it next health or something? The health the health. Yeah the health. Yeah, so When you have too much blood, it's one of those things you can yeah, you get you get kind of You're on I'm on a new I'm on a new level Dude, we had a guy remember that was choking one time when I was young at school and two other guys They were trying to do the Heimlich, but they didn't know how to do it two other guys held him one by his arms

One by his legs and some guy ran up and fucking kicked him dude. He was choking on part of a twix or something Which one the right or the left? I don't know choking on one of that side. He broke like four of his ribs And saved his life dude. Well, that's it's worth it, right? I think You I'm willing to break a couple of ribs to save my life. Someone said would you be would you be willing to? If okay, if the greatest singer of our generation You know it was a blind kid. Is this blind kid? And you either had to kill him or you die a tragic death

What what would you do? I'd kill him you'd kill the kid Because he's blind No, I kill him Just to say whoever it is to stay alive. Yeah, the greatest singer of all of our generation. I can't do we'll get extra singers We'll have two shitty singers so I can learn how to pipe it together You know, we'll remix some shitty guy with dreads. Would you kill would you kill nick to stay alive? Yeah Nick would you kill would you kill theo to stay alive the greatest comic of our generation? Probably not Wow loyal. He knows who writes his checks

Actually, maybe I wouldn't kill you. Maybe I would take my own life But I would make nick very very upset about it first I wouldn't even think about it. I'd kill nick so fast I would I'd kill him. I would be a little bit overt too. I feel I hit him with my car I just keep running him over just to prove to the universe that I'm I'm sticking around Sugar night. I would sugar night. Yeah, I'd have or I'd hang you over a balcony I'd vanilla ice. Yeah, we're sugar night. Is there a black guy named sugar night? It's the sugars. He has diabetes the sugars night

The sugars night can't be having all these sweets. I gotta remember Before I forget so I'm choking on this tune in this Gatorade I go to the hallway. I try to call the front desk. I can't even talk man. My throat is closed up I'm putting one of my hands down my throat and trying to open my fingers to keep my airway open because the problem is that I'm Allergic allergic. Yeah. And so my throat is closed up to tuna, right? Yep tuna and Gatorade So something something the chemical properties offset each other something happened, huh? Something in it. Yeah I mean, I just nothing else has ever done it to me. And then so next thing I know I'm in the hallway and I'm trying to Uh

Decleaning lady, you know, I'm just making these sounds. I remember she hands me a tampon How to be like And she assumed that must mean pull had a tampon thing in her car and gave me a little pack that makes sense Panic and she's like you need tampon. Yes. That's exactly what that means. That's communicating. I need a tampon You know when you're in the hotel room in the cleaning lady Um, they come in they knock and they come in right away. Do you tell them right? Oh, no, no, no, no I'm good. I'm good. Or do you let them figure it out? I let them figure it out

I just let them figure it out. I sit in bed and I let them come all the way in and they go. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm like, that's okay That's okay. I just let them it's okay. Just gonna get new towels. I let them in You're just sitting there naked on the computer Come on in No, that's right. Just towels is fine Just sitting there typing away butt ass naked. I stay naked in the hotel. I stay naked Oh, dude, there's something about hotels a comedian used to do a bit about it There's something about hotels where you get in there. You got to get naked. You got to get naked. Yeah, what is that?

I don't know. Well, because it's not your room You feel naughty. You're in somebody else's room and you just you don't have any responsibility If anything goes wrong in there. It's not your problem. Yeah, it's really nice It's like a rental that you don't that there's no agreement on you know what I mean a temporary rental that if something happened You just like that's not me. I didn't do that. That was there when I came in. Yeah, that's the best part There's no responsibility in hotels. You could do whatever you want. You have as many people there It's wonderful. I know a girl in high school. They used to live in one of those extended stay hotels She would have parties every single day. Oh, no consequences and she was a real party type of girl

And her mother was her and a single mother and her mother uh Was never around because she was working. I never never saw her mom We get to go over that we got to go to the extended stay all the time and just party. It was wonderful, man Do you know anybody in high school who had an apartment? I didn't really I remember this girl. I asked her out one time She said yes I took her to a dance and I had a chance to like take off her underpants one time and it was just me and her and I

Fucking got scared. You got nervous. Yeah, we'll kind of with a granny panty. She was so hot. I don't remember You she was hot and you got nervous. She was so fucking hot, dude I went I remember going in the bathroom and masturbating So the thought of maybe taking off her panty that you the fact that you didn't get to take off her panty And she was still in the living room when I did it. Yeah, I get that. Trust me. I've done shit like that I just remember sitting on a pool table and I like kind of had my hands like on the upper legs and it was just Feeling and we were kissing bro. And I was like fuck dude. I'm living my dreams, you know And then I fucking couldn't handle the pressure of you broke, huh? Oh, dude

I just remember that I remember getting scared was like I'm not gonna get an erection everything this girl hates me You did get an erection though. I don't remember and when I went in the bathroom But it's easy to get an erection to masturbate. You're just looking at yourself in the mirror No, I looked I only looked at myself when I jerked off. I would stare right into my eyes in the mirror Yeah, right into my eyes. Oh my god, and then right as I feel right as I came I'd wink at myself Oh, who are you bro? Fucking danko. I'm a Hannibal Lecter, bro. Oh, damn Are you that guy from uh, who is that guy on that movie that they do the business cards where they kill a prostitute? American Psycho. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what that is. I the first hookup nerves

The first hookup nerves are bad I went down on a girl that I had such a big crush on for so long That she tapped me on the head to let me know that I was done Like is it like that's it. That'll do I swear to god. I was so nervous, man. Okay, buddy. This ain't the swim team. Let's go Let's tighten up. Up, up. She goes up, up, up, up I was so nervous man. She was so beautiful I never thought you'd have sex with me and she said I can't believe you didn't have sex with me

But I was nervous. I thought you would didn't want to have sex with me I know man This is my first year of college. I was so I was like this girl doesn't want to have sex with me Dude, I remember hooking up with this girl and I was gonna lose my virginity and uh Uh How old were you? Mmm. I don't remember 15 or 16

And I actually don't lose my virginity behind a bowling alley in our town Shout out Tiffany Lane's over there on highway 22 Tiff, tiff, tiff, tiff Lane's Yeah, there you go Roll some stones Well, people are throwing rocks at us speaking of stones, man Really? Yeah

Just just because they didn't like they were you guys premarital sex Just excitement, no people excitement and they had rocks around them So when they got amped up they're like we got to hit them with something because we're so happy for them Yeah, we're just cheering our boy on That makes sense. That's like why people throw rice at weddings same thing You're excited to see you want to throw something at them Yeah, big Yeah, you ever did you get hit with a rock while you're getting where you're hooking up?

Uh, I'm sure I caught a couple nothing nothing nothing big shells You know like those shells as white shells people used to use as driveway shells. Yeah, that's who you got hit with Yeah, those don't hurt that much. Uh-uh. They're not real rocks. No, they're like Yeah, I don't know what they are. They're not really they're not they're they're like half hollow Yeah, it's kind of like rocks for poor people kind of poor rocks. You know what I'm saying? Poor people always had those shell driveways, you know always for some reason And they were all and it was always a mess. It was always there was oil stains all over it There was tons of tire chunks because someone had spun out in the winter and left it like that

Always remember those those like oh my god. Yeah, little bitty shells. Yeah, they were like it. Yeah Um, it's poor rocks poor people, but this girl, uh, dude I remember hooking up and and then I ended up ejaculating early, you know, so we didn't engage and then uh I was so like nervous for some reason that everybody at the party would know I made both of us climb out of the window and come in through the front door of our of my house to the party They knew you were upstairs and then you left and came back in Yeah, I think I was just I just didn't want anybody like knowing my business I guess I was like, oh if people see us come out of this bedroom together

But if but if they saw you come into the front door when they thought you went upstairs, then they you think that was more normal And they think we were magic or something, you know, but not fucking Yeah, they think they think you're special have special talents. Yeah, they'd be like damn these people are mad. What were they doing up there? transporting Reincarnating by the front door repelling themselves But no, dude. It was first. It was first floor window. So it was just but there was a bunch of bushes out there I remember her being like what am I climbing out of here? What did you tell her you like people can't know? Yeah, I was just like, oh, we should probably keep this on the deal. This is more fun this way

Yeah, and maybe it's because but yeah, it could have been more fun. It could I don't remember it's adventurous, right? When you're young you're more adventurous with where you'll have so much more adventurous anywhere You'll you'll do it anywhere. You'll hide in more fun places. Yeah. Yeah, we like Uh, first of all set a car sex high school car sex was such like a common thing You had to have sex in the car. Yeah, but where else are you gonna go? I mean, we have basements in the Midwest so people go to the basements. Oh, yeah That's where you go man. You go in a basement somebody somebody had a cool everybody had a cool basement Like where you could you could sneak away in a corner of the basement and get away with it

But car sex was everything for some reason and you'd find the darkest Deepest corner of your community and a cop would somehow roll by. Yeah. Why because you're just as dumb as a fucking You're just as dumb at the time. You're just a dumb kid. You picked the easiest spot. Yeah, but you think it's smart You think it's great and cops have already been kids. So they're like, oh, this is the place. I would go that like this Where right? Yeah, right behind the church or right behind just someplace. That's like Did you ever get caught having sex? um My mother caught me getting a blow job

Oh a girl's the same girl who I may climb out that window We tried to have sex at her house one time and the mom came in the room And I went over and introduced myself because I didn't know what else to do. You know dick out. Oh Yeah, she throw rocks too My mom comes in she didn't look at my dick though and I did respect that she did not no She just stared at your eyes the whole time. Yeah, and I respected that man. Yeah, that's when I knew that this lady's a good lady Yeah, what about you knit? kind of just recently

So it was the girl staying at her parents and I had to introduce myself to her mother She was like 28 years old But uh state living at home because wait a minute. So you did you get they caught you in the act at all or no? She just knew you were there pumping. I came over came over at like 3 a.m. And we're in a room before it happened Dick don't you live don't don't why couldn't she come to you? Uh, my place is kind of shitty. I'm always down to go someplace else. Uh, she lives in orange county. She's got a nice crib What do you like outcalls bro Hollywood and like a three three person apartments

Hers was a three person house. Yeah, her mom and dad and they knew you were that yeah, they did 3 a.m. Yeah, you could you couldn't just be postmates, you know, yeah Wow, was it it was it? I should start doing we start wearing postmate shirts or uber shirts. She was filipino I was like, you know, joe koi. I used to work for joe koi. You said that. Yeah She loved it, huh? Oh, yeah, she's like we love joe koi. He has a hundred percent penetration in that community Who else is Do you like joe koi? I used to work for her. She's like, we love joe koi

I know you want me to call him on my phone right now joe help me get out of this, please What did you say to the mother? What did you what was the first thing you said? I was I like introduced myself, right because you weren't naked. You were over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and she I'd just gotten in and she was like, what's all the commotion and stuff. Yeah, we weren't Engaged. Did you still hook up? Yeah. Yeah, good for you after you met the mother before. Yeah, she brought us cakes. I know joe koi, man That's so smart act. That's very smart and a good fan and and by the way Good for her go for the mother being cool about it. She didn't kick you out. You seem like a nice kid You're a talter boy. She probably could feel that in your bones

And she was like you stick around bud. Yeah, you're you're a good you're a good white kid from from the Midwest She could feel it. I mean the girl's 28. She can have gas. It's not like right. It's not like your children Now that's a unique thing too. I remember going somewhere with my mom and my stepdad and meeting a lady that worked at this restaurant And then that night the next morning I tell my mom mom remember the girl from the restaurant. She's in the room And my mom was like what? Like just like magic, you know, like yeah, what do you do magic?

You know like no remember we went out last night. I'm just smelling like tequila. Just bad, you know Uh, and just like I had this old mother had this old bed that we hooked up on had all like these mardi gras beads hanging off of it You know on the bed like on the bed frame hanging off of it That's just like anybody from Louisiana with no money. You a decorate show of mardi gras beads. They were cheap Yeah, they're cheap and they look pretty nice from far away. If the lights are shiny. Yeah, it's color a little bit of color Yeah, it always looks festive. That is Dude, but they are just so loud if you're trying to engage with somebody and you're trying to tickle somebody or have sex and uh

And that blew my mom's mind. She's like you have to sneak her out of here if you're stepdad Caesar He yeah, stepdad wouldn't approve Yeah, he was kind of a curmudgeon. He didn't want to some people don't want to approve anything, you know Is that what he was like? He was just just attitude about everything didn't like anything I think well in his home, you know, I think men get that way at a certain point and I get it, you know Oh, we don't do that stuff in my home. I paid I you do you want you want to do that go go get your own house Yeah, that's that old phrase like it's his mind if you want to do something you go get your own Yeah, I get that I get that. I'm you know if I have kids and

There's always that awkward point when your your son starts masturbating and Oh, I'm gonna make him do it outside. You can't do that in my house. You have to step outside Oh, my dad used to make us bury it dude. If we jerked off go put it in. Yeah, go put it in the yard I'm gonna build a masturbation shed. I say you go to the shed and put a little baby heater in there for when it's cold You know, but go to the shed. I want you to go to the shed and think about it. Oh, that's lively Yeah, go jerk off in the shed Let it stay out outside of my home. I paid for the home. I make them buy the shed right and it'll give them sort of an idea of like Okay, you know, this is something this is a special event. Uh-huh

Not you just can when you think sometimes when you know the the product of human that's being created these days It's like no wonder. Yeah, no wonder everybody has some you know Some kid has nine elbows and he fucking, you know And he's just drinking snot out of his nose. No fucking wonder because every decent nut was ejaculated. It's all gone Yeah, it's all blown out the leftovers. These are the none. You're you're from nut 9000. No wonder you fucking No wonder you have six tongues, dude, and you're never going to be able to read Yeah It's a beautiful day. I'm happy you're here and I'm happy I'm here

What I'm saying is that some men suffer from erectile difficulty and that's problems within your body by your penis And this episode is sponsored by blue chew Remember the days when you were always ready to go. Do you remember that guys? Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed Listen up blue chew.com. That's blue like the color blue Blue chew brings you the first chewable erectile helper with the same FDA approved active ingredients as viagra and psialis You can pop them anywhere day or night

afternoon leap year even on a full stomach And they work up to twice as fast as a swallowing pill Blue chew is prescribed online by licensed physician So you don't go to the doctor office or wait in the line at the pharmacy It ships right to your door in a discreet packaging. Oh, I wonder what that is. Maybe a new Maybe a new maybe a new hammock. Nah player. That's them poppers They're made in the usa and since blue chew prepares and ships direct. They're cheaper than a pharmacy Right now. I got a special deal for the listeners of this podcast

Go to blue chew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our code Theo just pay five dollars shipping Oh, excuse me. I had a couple and I'm ready Blue chew is the better cheaper faster choice and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast And once your penis is doing well, you can tighten up the rest of yourself. I'm talking about manscaped Support for this past weekend comes from manscaped Who is the best in men below the belt grooming? I'm talking about the best in men below the belt grooming

I'm talking about the best in men below the belt grooming Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for your family jewels A lot of times you'll see somebody's penis and you don't know what's going on with it Or you'll see somebody will have You know A bunch of junk lying around their their cock But times have changed And you can tighten up your penis and everything all your hair on your body

It's time to gear up your hair Your hair on your body. It's time to gear up and get yourself the gift of shaving This holiday season. I'm talking about the manscaped perfect perfect package 2.0 Man a lot of people will accidentally cut into their scrotum when they're trying to trim their hair on their body Not you That's why the revolutionary company manscaped has redesigned the electric trimmer Their lawnmower 2.0 has proprietary advanced skin safe technology

You'll never nick your nuts Tis the season to get manscaped for yourself or someone else get 20 off and free shipping with code Theo at manscaped.com your balls will thank you Get 20 off and free shipping with code Theo at manscape.com clean up your nuts and make everyone proud And now back to the program Let's get a question. We had some uh, we had some video questions that came in from some good humans man. Look at this guy Yeah, what's up, Andrew? What's up, Theo? I wanted to know how do you guys manage anger? It could be somebody making you angry or your anger at something and how do you respond to it and how do you stay cool?

Gang gang And brah and you uh, let's start you I like that guy. I like that you're more of an anger guy I'm very angry off. No, but I'm a balanced guy. I just I have anger in me I like that guy because he I knew he was going to be have a foreign accent But I knew I wouldn't know where it was from It was just a little tinge of something. He's got a little eastern european in there or something like that play play a play What's up, Andrew? What's up, Theo? I wanted to know how do you guys manage anger? Manage somebody making you angry or your anger at something and how do you respond to it and how you stay cool

Yeah, he has a tinge of something or something eastern european I'm gonna go polling. I'm also gonna say he's from canada though. Do you know where he's from there? He didn't say okay. He's from newfoundland if anything. Yeah newfoundland. Uh, how do I manage anger? Um, I think everyone does it. I mean on a personal level obviously I uh, I like to run I put on headphones and I run for as long as I can until Negative thoughts go away. Wow. I get into a fight with the old bag I put on my headphones and I disappear into the night running at night It's like my favorite thing in the world to get rid of like my anxiety or my anger

I just run until I feel like I'm done I forest-gump it for real. I just run until I'm done. I know exactly when I'm done It's not like a number saying it's not like a mileage ticker I just keep running And then sometimes I one time I ran so far I took a uber home Damn. I ran seven miles in one direction and I was like I don't want to run seven miles back. Yeah Jumped as I am. I fucking hit an uber. Sometimes I do that shit. That's how I manage it I used to you know therapy and all that stuff you can do a lot of that too

But I find exercise for some reason it wipes away all the thoughts in my brain Yeah, negative shit if someone's being negative and it's circulating in my world, you know people being Mean or rude or whatever. I just I just run. Well having that physical element you have feels good. It's so So imperative really I think in anything is having a physical element to go along with whatever your process is or your program is like You know, you see a lot of these guys, uh, you see a lot of guys who You know in that in the self-help world a lot of them have a real physical element also to what they do to keep them active Keeps your blood moving reminds you that you're like a being that is not just this brain. That's just like, you know

Stuck on this, you know in a weird little rabbit wheel or whatever, you know that you are this this this You know capable creature, you know and it reminds your body that and I think in your body even reminds your brain that and like on Another level like dude chill the fuck out or good thing about that shit. We're running. We're running bro Yeah, we're doing look how capable you are. Yeah, that's yeah, you you do yoga, right? You still do yoga I've been doing it actually recently. I've gotten into a lot of meditation recently Which has really been helping me feel good and uh, and yeah, I do yoga and I go to the gym I get I have a trainer now that I go see Uh, at least two days a week and then I'll go by myself too. Um, and it helps man. It just

Yeah, it's just these days you gotta have it. We're more sedentary creatures out there It's well, it's easier to get everything. You know, you have it delivered You sit in your car you sit around too much We work at these things sometimes, you know what I mean? You do podcasts a lot like you're sitting and operating working on computers and things all The time. Yeah, you have to get up and go. Well, how do you what do you do? What do you do to manage your anger you work out? Is that what you do too? Well meditation helps me Um, and then well, you're not an angry guy Most of my anger is at myself really. Yeah, I don't see you get angry at other things other elements

You don't really get mad at it. You're a hard guy as long as I've known you. I've never seen you get Really angry at somebody unless they really Did some something bad, but it's rare for you to get upset. Yeah, I think I think for some reason I just end up hate I just end up getting upset at myself, you know So it's like so these days is just kind of managing that realizing that things are okay And if I have anger realizing it figuring out what my part is in it Why am I angry at this person? Like what's really going on? Am I really angry at this person or

I probably could have done something a lot of times. I didn't communicate here clearly That's a lot of my problem. I noticed I don't communicate clearly what I want in the beginning or what I'm hoping for What I'm expecting so then I get down the road and it's like what the fuck's going on dude, right? You know what I'm saying? What did you expect? Yeah, we're at a carnival dude. You know what I'm saying, bro I'm saying I'm trying to buy quick creed dog and you and me are fucking eating sundaes at a carnival Yeah, it's pissing me off, you know, but it's like well, dude. I didn't know, you know, so a lot of times for me I notice it's communication. That's where things get

Yeah, it is errant because the story will go in my head Yeah, my head will start rattling. But yeah, I'll do some meditation and uh, but physical fitness always helps Let's get into another one here. We got Theo and Cheeto what up guys? This is uh, Beckett from Colorado So about a week ago I was on this first date with this beautiful girl and she orders a margarita, right? and I ordered a nice glass of milk and uh, she didn't want a second date So I guess my question to y'all is uh, uh, adult drinking milk. Yeah, your name. What do you guys think?

Yay gang gang chug chug Chug chug, baby. Yeah, yay. I yaded that. That's dope. A guy wants a glass of milk. He's an adult He can have a glass of milk. This is the greatest country on earth. You know, they don't let you have milk in certain countries That's true. It's a great country. You can just have milk at the maybe he didn't want a margarita You don't need her, bro. She doesn't need to be judging your liquid choices. That's insane Yeah, the only liquids you should keep away from Theo or pink gatorade if he's eating some tuna. That's a no No, I don't like that. I she's maybe he didn't feel like having a drink

I there's that's something weird about You know going on dates That I hear from all my friends are like they go on dates and it's like are they gonna have is it gonna be an alcoholic beverage or not? That's always like a big conversation. Yeah, you gotta make that choice. Yeah, and and it shouldn't even be a it shouldn't even matter If you're gonna go have drinks, you just we'll talk about it after the dinner and the drinks And I mean the dinner in the date the date it's like if we want to go to a bar if that's the next step But I don't think my boy from colorado should feel bad about having a glass of milk Especially if it was you know farm fresh, you know, I mean, yeah, I think it and hopefully you went whole milk

If you go skim milk when she orders, well, that's probably yeah, well that could have been it They she was probably like he's like, I'll just take a 1% and she was like, we'll get it get out of here We don't need dessert Well, or if he asked for some weird ass milk, he didn't say what he didn't it could have been goats Yeah, if you ask for goat chocolate breast if you ask for anything real Ostentatious, bro. I think that's a bit much dude. I think if you order milk though at a bar, I think it is It's not gonna give her the air that you are Probably living alone, you know, yeah, but can I tell you something milk at a bar is such a bold choice that it makes me think

You're an adventurous dude. That's a good point. There's but at his age. I wonder Yeah At his age, I just seems like Yeah, but he said but he said he said at dinner. So it wasn't at a bar. I think it was at a restaurant Okay, then went to a nice restaurant. I'm gonna that's legit. I'm at milk with my meal. Yeah respect man. You fucking drink what you want Exactly. Yeah, a lot of times I'll let the lady order first that way if she wants alcohol She can have alcohol and then I'll then I'll order after you know, or if I get there early I'll order something if I'm worried about how she if drinking or not

I'll get something like a seltzer water put a lime in it or get a non-alcoholic beer sometimes if I really want to Do you like the taste of those? There's so many of them now. Oh, there are. Oh, there's like 10 different ones. I didn't even know that Yeah, I know. I know. Oh duels is the one that I my buddy's dad duels the most popular He drinks that all the time. He'll rip through 12 He would rip. He rip some dude. It's he'll get a 12 pack and like in an hour. He's like, I gotta get more duels I love that dude. I think I think that's hey, I don't I've never had one. So I don't I don't the flavor is good Yeah, the flavor is good and the new ones are they have ones that are a lot more exquisite now

Oh, you know what? I'm lying. I rogan has the heineken does one. What is it called? Yeah zero zero or I don't remember the name whatever rogan. Maybe try one once but it but I don't like heineken So I didn't taste I was just like no, this is not it tasted like heineken So and it wasn't and heineken a lot of black men drink heineken, you know it Yeah, black guys like black males beer. Yeah. Yeah, black men drink a lot of black guys don't like IPA. That's a white guy beer IPA is white black guys like clear beer Yeah, clear beer

I don't know what that is. I don't like I don't like heineken for some reason I just can't do it. Heineken always gave me like a headache and stuff. I remember when I was in high school There was always something weird about it. Yeah. No, I threw it through me for a loop. But also I think Uh, like when you were saying what you do to order in advance, I think that's really smart that you order to like a Seltzer water just to like set the tone. Yeah, and if I put a lime in it, she doesn't know what it is That way it's like if in her mind, you know And also if you don't drink then there's I feel like sometimes if you don't there's no pressure for the girl to drink I'm also not at the I'm not at the place in my life where I'm trying to take home a drunk girl, you know

There's a lot of work, huh? It's work. It's risky. I feel like, you know, it's it's just Yeah, and it just it's I don't know. It's just not what I'm into really. I don't want some drunk person I remember one years and years ago some drunk girl Wanda thought she was at a fucking mall or something Wandering around my apartment picking up stuff looking at the bottom of it for prices She's like, there's no prices on anything here. What did she buy? Did she get anything? It's my fucking apartment? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I would have charged her. She picked up something like $23.85

But I'll give it to you for $24. How about that? I'll give you I'll go up in price When I used to go on dates, I would just eat the full meal before they even ordered. Oh, yeah Yeah, I ordered in advance. I would eat it while they're looking through the menu Just to set the tone, you know, it's like I get to eat then you get to eat. I'm ready to go I'm ready to I gotta get out of here. I eat dessert when they're getting their meal Dude, I used to only invite chicks to the movies when it was cold and I would go in early so they had to get their own ticket Like you're warming up you're halfway through the popcorn That's genius. Who's this dude?

And if I say girls, I mean probably one girl. Yeah, that's it. That worked one time I think that guy who orders milk just go back to it quickly. She'd do it every time. That's a great weeding out process The guy likes milk if she's not cool with that. She's not the one. Yeah, exactly. Imagine meeting the girl that goes I'll take a milk too. Yeah, he's like, this is my wife, dude. Oh, that's a commercial. Yeah Yeah, that's for milk. Yeah, dairy farmers of America. If she liked milk, you ought to like her Here's a beautiful guy It's Jacob from England Got one question for you

Who would be the better father Theo, Andrew or Bobby Lee, baby gang gang gang gang Who would be the better father? Is that what he said? Yeah, the better father. He says father, father Who would be the better father? Let me ask you a question. I'll pull it down. Theo, who would be a better father? I like the way they say stuff. Who would be a better father? It's like they're all allowed to have a lisp Yeah, who would be the better father? You know what I mean? If they get away with it. If an English guy has a lisp It sounds cooler for some reason. Oh, yeah

When it's like an American has when he's backless. Yeah, you're always like, oh, no It's up here stuff. These are my favorites in here. Oh, it's just part of this. It's just it's just something that we have to Focus on Yeah, I know a girl who dated a guy with four S's in his first and first and last name She had to say it's calling them that all the time Oh, suck my kids Oh, suck my kids Uh, who would be the better father? Oh god of us three of me you and bob

I don't know man. I think we'd all make decent fathers in our own right. No, that's not true I think you and me would we'd have a better shot. Yeah, Bobby would not be he wouldn't be a bad dad I think he would just um, he'd be a bad stepfather a terrible stepfather. He'd be a good He'd be a good Friend of your dad friend of your dad's. Yeah, like a buddy a hangout buddy. You and I'd be great dad You'd be a great father, man You have you you still have a lot of you have so much whimsy. I think kids need an adult who has whimsy. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you know, there's a comic a comic out of philadelphia a chrystal connor. He's hilarious

He's so funny and he said that about somebody a family member. He goes the dude lacks all whimsy It made me laugh. I was like, wow, that's you need to have whimsy when you're a father figure Yeah, because kids it can go anywhere. Yeah, like let him let him do it. Let him Dude, they're in the wind. They're figuring it all out. Yeah, they don't even know what's going on Think about dude. Nobody remembers eight years old. Who fucking knows? I'm no idea the stuff that you got into whenever you watch I was watching kids On the plane these two little boys were sitting next to us and we came back And they were losing and having so much fun

They were throwing m&m's at each other and he was like he's like he's like throw it in my mouth And he would on purpose throw it hit him in the eye and he would laugh and he's like do it again He knew it was coming again. It was great They made a bunch of little games with little m&m's and the man next to them wasn't enjoying and he had zero whimsy He didn't like it. He didn't like it. I said he should have been like throw. Give me one. You know what I mean? He should play along get the pick up ask for the throw. You know throw me the ball. I always do that I have enough whimsy in me where I'm I'm excited about a little a little person to I want to hear what they what they're thinking about

Yeah, whenever I say little little people I'm gonna talk about like Brad Williams talking about. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I know what he's thinking about little freak threesomes and all of that little freak He's into the dark arts man. He really is man. He really no I just I think about I just want to know what's going through their little heads because they're yeah They're they're filled with all sorts of weird fun ideas the stuff that they come up with And they get their butt dude My nephew just got his butt out this time when I was at home

He kept showing me his butt like the coolest thing he'd ever gotten it is though because he just found it He just found it. Imagine how fun that is when you just find it Like imagine if you just saw now that you had hands, you know what I mean? You're like, dude. Look at these things Look at it. You show it to everybody How old is your nephew? He one of them seven and one of them is five. You got two right six and four. Yeah, I got two. Wow. I got well. I got two Little nieces and they're like They're incredible. We went to harry potter town with them really they came out here. Yeah. Oh wow harry potter land at universal

Yeah, that's cool bro. It's so fun. Yeah, I was like this is gonna be good for the girls I was loving it. Yeah, I had three butter beers. I was living my life, dude I I thought I for real. I was like, this would be I was excited for the girls But then when I got there, I was excited for me. Yeah, it was why it's so fun to live in that world You're like, this is what they experience all the time. This kind of this kind of thought process is how they're living every day Yeah, I wish we could have more of that. Yeah, there's more possibilities. There's not as much judgment Yeah, the rules the rules are less the rules are like don't hit don't be mean Enjoy, you know, but the rules are less. There's more like openness to to to creativity and then adult world

There's almost none. I mean outside of what we do for a living. I'm saying in your regular life You can't be that you're not allowed to kind of you get bogged down. Yeah. Well, people don't like you to stretch They don't like they want people in order. Everybody likes order. You know what I mean? Yeah They just want it to be very organized. It's kind of fun when that's why Southwest Airlines makes me laugh when they're you know Yeah, if you're going to vegas to come back from vegas, they always do it, right? Yeah, they just figure it out Who lost all their minds? yelling at you. Yeah, I love that. It's kind of chaos. They're wearing shorts The only airline lets people wear short

They wear short their own shirts. You know, I mean, I saw a dude with his own company name on his shirt His own brand. Yeah, that's great. I was like, they don't really care southwest really does it right Dude, and they're like, yeah, the flight attendants seem like they'll fucking they're not that hot Maybe what they definitely seem like they'll fuck. You know, they probably will. Yeah. Yeah, they'll come home They'll give you a ride home if you ask. Yeah, flight attendants jump my car the other way Let's go man. I need a jump. He's like, I got you, baby. What was that gentleman asking about Nick? Uh, he's asked He said who's a beautiful young fella a better father. Oh, yeah, who would be a father?

You're a better father. I think that's it then. I think we'd probably maybe tie somewhere in there Yeah, you'd be good at it, man. We just know that bob. He'd be bad. I think that's yeah He'd be so bad and he would admit it. Oh my god. Yeah, he would leave it everywhere. He would leave kids He's still a baby. He's still gestating dude. He sleeps almost as much as a lot of those, you know in utero Babies, right? Well, you know, because he's so round that he can he can lean on his side He doesn't even need to go down. He can just just a couple inches to the left and now he's sleeping. It's incredible It's it's incredible to watch. He's a remarkable little treat. All right. You got another one. Yeah, let's hit another one here We got a guy right here. Oh

beautiful young man Theo gang gang Andrew. I've got a question for you When's your next special? I want to see I want to see something man I got amazon prime just so I can watch your your ship from like 27 years ago And I feel like a stalker at this point. I've seen it like 10 times That's very cool. I appreciate that. Yeah, I don't know man. Um That's funny. That's funny because I We you and I have kind of talked about that and I want to I want to really talk to you for real about that of like

What are you going to do next because you and I for the past couple years have talked about The state of that and the state of comedy. I don't know what I want to do next as far as the special goes I do want to put something out but um I read this article that Jay Leno Maybe it was hollywood reporter or something and they asked him why he doesn't do a special on netflix They're like all your friends are doing specials. Like why don't you do one? And he was like I really love live comedy. I want people to come see me

And and he's like I don't really care about putting something down forever. Now granted that's not my opinion But it struck a chord with me and I was like me too though. I love live shows. That's where you see it I just love live shows. I love I want people to come see me when I come to their town so bad It's not that I don't want to put out a special But I'm like, I don't know I think part of the beauty for me of stand-up is that we get to keep changing over time and molding and Anybody who see me knows I try to do a lot of different stuff if I can And you know and change it up. I mean, I'm doing an hour now. That's kind of

a thing but I don't know man. I just don't know what I want to do. I mean netflix Is I'm not really on that ship, you know, I'm not really on that boat, you know, no hate on them But I don't think they yeah, we have to get offered. Well, first of all, if you want to do a special, you have to get offered Yeah, yeah, we have to get an offer from a place that also went offer that we agree to That's the other thing you have to want to do it with them and you have to be cool with the terms So that's the thing that people don't know unless you do it on your own, which a lot of people are doing But my fear of putting one out on my own

um Is I just don't I don't know man, you know like Callan kind of Went his own way, you know, uh Schultz did his own thing There's a lot of guys doing their own thing But for the most part right now like I'm comfortable in this pocket of I want I want people to come see me live. Yeah, the beauty is live the beauty of it is live It never stands up when you see something. I don't think On live, you know or see it whatever that's called on tape, but I appreciate that kind of love

I mean what like what like you I haven't asked you know, we haven't talked in a long time about that Yeah, what are you gonna? What are you gonna do? Uh, I don't know. I got you know, I know there's some, um Companies that have them, you know platforms that happen that are gonna come see me next week I got to show over at the Wiltern so they're gonna come see me and then which you're gonna murder What a venue to the Wiltern's beautiful. Yeah, I never been I'm excited That's it's you've never been inside. Uh-huh. You're gonna bro. It's such a cool venue. Really gorgeous, man That was my the first concert I ever saw or the first

Uh band I saw in Los Angeles was at the Wiltern and it's stunning man They did such a beautiful job with that man something about those theaters that have history in them that have been around for a long time They feel like gothic or something. Yeah, like they feel like they've got this energy trapped inside of it Oh, man, you're gonna rip. That's gonna be so fucking cool. Yeah, should be yeah, so I'm excited I'm definitely excited about it. I feel you know stoked. Oh, there's a picture. Oh, wow Look at how beautiful that is bro. Look at the ceiling of the Wiltern To me, it's one of the coolest venues I've seen Stunning sorry to interrupt the uh combo here with the red rocket, but I got to let you know about this gift opportunity

I'm talking about ridge wallet tree The ridge wallet. It's that front pocket carry So you'll see sometime a man will have on a backpack or some luggage or a lot of times even tape drugs to his legs and run into the country But everything's changed Now with the new ridge wallet You keep the items you really need your credit cards. Maybe a little bit of cash your identification You know, maybe a birth certificate or social security card. Keep them in that front pocket. I'm talking about the ridge It's super durable made from military-grade materials like titanium and carbon fiber

It's proven to be bulletproof waterproof and chainsaw proof See exactly how it works by going to ridge.com slash Theo that's RIDGE.com THEO and use code Theo for 10 off link in description ridge.com slash Theo And for those of you who like to take a chance and gamble I'm going to let you know about something

It's an exciting time especially in the nfl fantasy playoffs actual playoffs other games sophomore sensation lamar jackson is redefining what it means to be a dual threat qb aye aye aye and over in ufc

They will have some of the most stacked cards in a long time three championship fights on the 14th all highly anticipated Right in the betting capital of the world los vegas navada If you're the kind of guy who likes to bet on sports and maybe win some money, maybe win a lot Try a parley For instance, if you like a couple of big favorites Parleys are the perfect because they let you bet multiple games for a bigger payout My bookie Has more lines and better odds for the player than any other sports book around

I do not like it when i'm trying to do a parley and it's too confusing on the sites some sites won't allow it If you join right now, my bookie will match your deposit halfway all the way up to a thousand dollars That means if you deposit two grand you get an extra thousand in free money to play with All you have to do is use promo code teo to activate the offer Once again, that's promo code. Theo to get your extra cash from my bookie Bet win get paid And now back to the episode I mean the other one that was cool, uh rogan took me to

Where were we detroit? I mean atlanta. No, we were in cleveland or detroit one of those two masonic It was so beautiful. I don't know what it was, but good god, man. We took a bunch of photos of it I blew my mind how pretty the art was. Yeah, like live like the texture of the ceiling stuff like that is what really There's something about that. You know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's something. Uh, well, it's more it shows like, okay This is Detroit. Detroit. Sorry. Yeah, this is the art that i'm doing film more Is it type that in you're so good with the names of these players. I'm so bad. He might be doing bigger places No, no, that's it. That's it. That was it Unbelievable. Yeah, it's beautiful. I mean I mean the archways. I mean everything about it. Joe was stunned

We kept taking a bunch of pictures because I I had never seen something like that, you know, like with him we'd performed in arenas and Arenas are the ugliest looking things on earth. Yeah, there's nothing sexy about an arena It's so funny the more that I've done with him the more I'm like, man, this is sad. It's just rafters. It's just like It's it's wonderful to do. It's just when you go in a theater you look at the art that it's involved on the inside Something about the experience some romance in his man. It's beautiful So you're gonna rip you're gonna rip the wheelchair and they're gonna come see you and then would you maybe put this hour? Are you doing right now on a special? Yeah, and so maybe I would put something out

It depends on what what time slots they have available for like different platforms like You know, um, if they have something next year, so then it's like I don't want to hold material for like a whole year Yeah, people want you to put it out. Yeah, and at some point I want to put it out You know a certain point I'm you know, I'd like to just get it out there and get it off my get it out of me And so so then I would either I don't know. I thought about maybe just making it and putting it on to I you know a place to sell other than that like other than Netflix

so like iTunes or You know or I thought about just putting clips just making it into the actual clips that it is and putting it on to YouTube and then just also putting out an album with it, you know, and then I still own it So that's another that's the other side of it. It's also then you still have ownership of it Yeah, the business side is the thing that people don't really know about what we have to operate in that regard It's a lot more convoluted than just kind of like do it. Do you know who John Baldis Ari is an artist John Baldis Ari He did this thing Where he just got kind of inundated with like his ideas of what he was making art wise and then he burned all of it

He like burned all of his art to collect start again, and I had this kind of like in the middle of the night Half lucid dream in and out where I thought it'd be wild for me to shoot something My on my own cheap and not cost a production company a lot of my like I'll pay for it and put it out for 24 hours For one day and then it goes away forever. Yeah, I thought about doing that I was like that would be really fun and get all my friends to promote it So it's like hey man, you can only see it now like if you want to watch you You have to watch it in this 24 hour span and then it's gone. That'd be gangster. Yeah Yeah, I thought I thought I was like that could be really cool and then I can retire on the material and then

It can kind of be this wonderful meta Industry thing where it's like if you saw it you saw it and if you didn't you did it And I I don't know if I'm gonna do it, but I keep having refreshing feelings. Yeah, there's something gangster about being like No, I'm gonna do it how I want to do it. Yeah, because there's it's so much out there now And also taking it to see it live also There's a lot of beauty in that because like oh, that's where you see it. You see it live I want you to see it in the way that it's supposed to be seen. Yeah, it's hard when you put it on tape You know like I heard somebody told me Ali Wong just got Netflix just gave her

Eight figures to do two more specials or like a special on something else And I was like god man the growth of that thing is just that is a big big big beast, you know So I'm like maybe something alternative would be cool for me. I just for me. So yeah, maybe but I don't know Tell the the the the Theo fans. Let me know if that would be something you'd watch Get in the 24 hour span or Some people might be like that's so annoying. I don't want to watch it that day. You know, I mean, it's super interesting It's different. Yeah, I keep having this dream about it. It's like in the shower. I think about it all the time I'm like people, you know, I can already hear agents and managers and lawyers like why would you do that? Yeah

Oh, yeah, that's all they think I know, but I just think it'd be fun like because they sell it. That's where they make their money It's money. Yeah, but for us, it's like I want to make money on live shows. I want to engage with fans to come Watch us do our thing and that's how I want to earn a living Not like I'm saying there, you know, I don't want to earn a living from specials on that live on but There's something neat about it going away. I don't know. I don't know why I don't know. There's something about well, I think over I think It makes things Everything now is so accessible. Yes. That's that's part of the reason that it's like, how do you be unique then would it be Unaccessible

Yeah, or you know, it's kind of like uh, but then you risk the run the run the risk of being not not accessible Right. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, but isn't that kind of the fun of it all is like because we're so accessible Could it be cool to be the only way you can see him is to go see him. You want to see his new stuff You have to go see it. Yeah, that'd be kind of fun. Yeah, that'd be kind of fun to me But I don't want to say a joke that you do because I know that's a it's a it's a no no But you did a joke last night that made me laugh so hard. I walked outside. I'm not I'm not kidding. Oh, thanks I lost my shit. I I never heard you do it because it must be relatively new But it made me laugh so so hard. I walked outside. I was in the hallway dying laughing

Just just I don't want to say it but god man. I wish I could it was so goddamn funny. So I can't I hope you're uh That at the wilton. I hope that that blows right man I hope that blows up and all those people want to Claw you and then you decide how you want to do it. That's the thing the fans don't know We ultimately have to decide how and when and why you want to do it Yeah, and then you start to get tested by your own stuff. Like am I doing this for money? Am I doing this for You know, what am I doing this? Do I really like this stuff? I'm putting out. That's always a hard thing It's like do I love this stuff or do I like this stuff?

Yeah Because then you get caught in that rat race of like everyone's like doing a special year a special year a special year a special And then it's like how much that stuff do they enjoy? Are you keeping up with the joneses or are you putting out content that you really really love? That's like where it gets into this weird gray area Of like comedy and business, you know and doing that balance Yeah, I used to like better being just a comedian and not having to be business, you know and not having to do business You know, it's exhaust. I'm going to give you a compliment real fast

Um This is me being very genuine now. I've known you for quite a long time We've been friends for a long time and watching the growth Of you as a stand-up and as a comedian It's it's wild. It's like makes you real feel proud proud is like a shitty word It makes it sound like a it sounds condescending for some reason, but it's like a it's like a pride in friendship because I remember Watching you in the or a couple years ago. Maybe three maybe four three or four And I was watching you and I was thinking

When the world figures it out When they get it, they're gonna get it get it. You're like, I just I was like when the world figures out How good you were? I was like, it's gonna it's all gonna take place and then to watch it happen was very cool. So as a friend It was cool to watch. Thanks, and I mean that like it's a it's a weird thing to see. I don't think people It's hard to describe. It's almost like if for people at home It's like if you knew an athlete when you were young that was so good And at your high school and you were like this motherfucker's ridiculous

And then you actually see them progress on to college or pro or whatever. Yeah, it's like Everyone knows what you already know. It's a cool feeling. You know, it's like I saw the band first type of shit Uh, yeah, it's a cool feeling. You know, there's something about it. That's that's we only it only happened so many times in our lives So yeah, anyway, that's all I just I want to say that to you because I it's just Thanks, bro I was thinking about that last night when I was when we were hanging out and watching you because You know, we get to be in the bed of it all so while being at that club Bert with the shirt off drinking with strangers last night Oh my god, last night the club was ridiculous. I was laughing so hard at Bert dude and it was so funny because I hadn't expected

Thank you for the nice words, man. It's really nice. You know, I owe a lot of to you know all I mean, you know, a lot of it's just been because of the podcast a lot of people have You know, uh, we finally get to connect. Yeah, that's what this is We finally after all this all this time get to connect because when you used to do Conan or the tonight show They didn't know who you were So we would fist fight to get on the air and then and then those things never gave you an opportunity to be you You didn't get to be Theo. Yeah, well again getting every time I would submit to a late show They would say oh, you can't do this joke. You can't do this word. You can't do it like this. Why and it was like, oh, I'm not even

I can't be myself then I can't be I'm not a commit, you know, I'm myself. I'm a comedian. Yeah, but I'm also a person But they don't but but there's not and there's some difference between the two But there's not a ton of difference a lot of times for me, you know, no you you are you are a hyperbolized version of this Uh thing that that that you've created this wonderful comedian Character, it's like a microcosm of you and it's it's the picture. It's a bigger picture of it all Yeah, right I just took it personal when they said no, you know, I and I shouldn't have taken it personal just said

Oh, that's their business and maybe I didn't take it personal. Maybe I just said that's their business And then I mean I used to take it personal it hurts your feelings when they say no, you're like wait I am good though and they just don't there's just a missing something's not connecting. That's all But the the the thing about this that you get to You get to connect more on your own personal level then you're like fine. I'll just do it my way, you know Yeah, and it's been definitely it's been a it's been an amazing adventure man So many just people that call in every week and have like sharing their own stories and it's been a journey, bro and it's been a journey going through just

You know, it's been highs and lows like you said man, it's been highs and lows, you know It's gonna continue to be that way. Yeah, just like you know and in You know just like on these these these interviews sitting with friends and and talking it's like Some sometimes on a podcast I connect so much more with people and sometimes you don't and it's hard because The fans now are so in in it that even they are like They're they're almost in it and on it with you at some point. You know what I'm saying? It's very it's it's like so intertwined Which is a it's a good thing But it's just so strange to me now. It's a thing. I'm happy about like I'm happy. It's happening

Well, you started your own podcast me whiskey ginger is doing well. It's doing good. People like it. Yeah, I have a lot of great guests I'm trying man. Yeah, you got to get over there. We got to get you people people ask me all the time When I'm gonna get you and it's really funny. Sometimes people make when fans make up shit It's weird when they're like you guys don't you guys don't like each other. Yeah. It's like that. Where does this come from? This weird fake news that gets like infiltrated into this thing like these lies that they Put in there that they didn't hear from us. Yeah, it's strange. They're like, what are you not? Hey, what do you stand? You know what's going on? Yo, it's like no We all are doing a million things trying to create these worlds for people as much as we can so we can keep

You know engaging in content and work in and I just don't I think people think that like I think people think that we have more time than the average human Like there's more there's a bigger clock for comedians. It's like how come you can't do all these things like it's impossible Yeah, it's too hard and I don't want to show up and not be able and like they're times But I don't feel like myself where it's like I won't go on any, you know, I didn't go in a lot of pockets You're one feeling like super like myself. It's like I want to go when I'm having fun You know I sound like I want to go and bring the heat the fun. Yeah, and I want to have a blast Like I don't it's like that's sometimes too. It's hard to keep doing the job of podcasting when

If you're going through your own shit in your own life because it's like okay, uh You know this isn't that, you know, it's hard to you know, it's not like a self-pity thing, but it's just you know, it's It's a journey. Yeah. Well, I think I think people don't know that it's a full-time job Rogan says that all the time. He's always like it's my it's a job. I have a job I he's like I have two jobs. I've stand up and I podcast ain't it's like, oh, yeah, it is a job It's 100% a full-time job of like, you know Balancing these worlds. It's not it's not as

Mindless or or kind of passe as people kind of think it is so it's it put a lot of stress on you too. It's like a thing That kind of just adds this other comedic stress pressure. Yeah, it's a listen. You want to be engaging Yeah, you want to know what's going on because it's not fun when you're not like into it, you know, you're not just Yeah, I don't know it's what's the last one you did that you weren't into I don't know Nick might even know that did you have a guest that wasn't into it Did you have someone over here that you didn't connect with? No, I just have had guests where you know, I've just learned over time to be sometimes you're interviewing somebody and sometimes you're just talking Yeah, and so I never really have known good how to be like a good interviewer, you know

I mean, I don't think I'm bad at it, but I just I don't have like a big plan You know, so when I listen back sometimes I'm like, man, I wish I would have expressed my true feelings in a comfortable way to ask the questions I wanted to ask And so that started to get on my nerves sometimes like man, I you know, like the wolf of wall street guy We had Amanda Knox and like I wanted to sometimes, you know, why don't you just ask this right here? You know, you were feeling it and And what's the fear? I think it's just a fear of like I guess a fear of them judge me a fear of that they're gonna think I'm Trying to take advantage of them with curiosity even though

I'm cure, you know, just curious. They came here, right? That's how that's how I look at it Yeah, so and I think so some of it is like you have to You know, I think now I realize some of it. Okay. Have a little bit more of a plan like it's not like I'm trying to Squeeze it, you know dirty juice out of this person But yeah have a plan like, you know, this is kind of some things I want to talk about and even say them to him candidly like Hey, here's a couple things I'd like to talk about. Can we talk about these things for sure? You know just in case that yeah, if they don't want to do it It's so it's clean and clear communication goes back to communication

Because then I'll let it run in my head like oh man, you know, you're not doing you got a tight, you know So I think yeah, probably clear communication is something that I'm gonna work on or not work on that I'm doing You know, that I'm feeling better about and sometimes just to have it be fun, you know, just to remember that it's comedy Yeah, we're just fucking around. Yeah, we don't fucking know dude. Yeah, we don't know. What do we not know nick? Nothing, we don't know. Amen, bro. That's right. That's right. You don't know nothing. You don't know nothing, bro That's what I'm saying, bro. No, dude, if the feds show up nick is your fucking Dude, bro, you'll hide anything. You'll hide literally. I said nick. I need you to do this right you like, okay I don't know nothing man cops that come I don't know nothing. I don't know and you know what's so funny

He has a nice face so they'll believe him. That's what they said this dude. That's what he said a minute ago That's how he got through church. It's just that nice face. They're like nick. What what happened? He's like, I don't know nothing. No, Nick's a good kid. He's not a lot of lesbian women are doing Alt uh pre-turing now and stuff. So oh being pastors and stuff. Yeah, really? Mm-hmm. Why look that up lesbian pastorship? Yeah, lesbian the lesbian pastor ship. Is that a cruise as a boat cruise? That's a boat full of lesbian pastor. You know, that'd be fun, bro. That would be fun. Well, they have gay cruises Oh, dude, we had two gay librarians. He's live across the street from as nice to do donuts in their yard Oh, what well you spin out in your car really only because I had to you turn right there because it was

Otherwise I had to go down the street and do it. I was just too lazy lazy. Yeah, you just wanted to get out Yeah, I did nothing. They were awesome two gay librarians. Uh, yeah one of them was a library I think one of them wasn't working but one of them worked in fiction. Yeah, uh Lesbian bishop, uh, what specific were you looking for stat? Gay lesbian women pastors Or lesbian pastors happening more often maybe LGBT clergy More often lesbian pastors more often married lesbian baptist co-pastors say all beloved They are if I have gay children

Uh-oh, I don't know what the rest I want to know what the rest of this if I have gay children If you had a gay kid If you had a gay kid, what would your what's your instinct of how you'd feel about it? You cool with that or you'd be you'd be you wish they were straight I think that there was probably something in a lot of men at a like at a guttural level where you want Your

Lineage to go on So there could be like a concern there like just at like a visceral I don't know what this rule means, but like at a visceral like core level. Yeah, you know, not like at a brain level Yeah, at a brain level. I think yeah an instinctual level. You want that you want the the seed to be passed on Yeah, so I think even if you know whether it's uh, so you want to have a boy who is going to want to Procreate out of his wing out of his penis, but I can do that now Yeah, and so now yeah, so now I think it's gotten right So now I think that yeah once you realize that and read that article that that's available

Then you wouldn't have any concerns. Can I be real with you? Yeah I don't have any care about carrying on the gene Really? I just don't care. Yeah, I don't I don't I don't I just don't care for some reason I don't know why it never was like not that I don't want to have not that I don't want to have a kid I'm saying it was never a concern if I had a boy so a boy could carry on a Santino name Just didn't care. I didn't care at all for some reason. I don't know. I don't know why I was always like it wouldn't ever matter To me if I had a dude or a chick I mean, I'd rather have a dude

just because they're cheaper And less to deal with you know, you let him figure out life on their own you put it outside it'll come come back when it needs to eat You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, chicken. Yeah, man It's a little bit more you could set them on the porch a little They'll figure it out and you don't have to worry about them really I mean there's not much to be concerned about with a woman you have to you want to protect and aid and And you want them to feel comfortable all the time with the with a boy you want them to feel uncomfortable For some reason you're like, I want you to shake them up. Yeah

Yeah, you want I want you to put some fucking sand in his shirt when he's not looking hit him a few times Pull a tooth out when he doesn't expect it. Not even a loose one. Just like a full-on in one I just think there's something about that, but I never really cared for so. I don't know why that is I don't know why I never really had that right dick on his forehead. I see draw a dick on him every night Every single night when he wakes up Mom It's not me goes to school with a Sharpie, but yeah sharpie permanent marker every day. He's got to scrub it off. Yeah, I remember whenever I was growing up

we had some kid named Scotty and Uh people everybody drew like swastikas on his t-shirt and stuff. Oh, that's so mean before you got off at uh aftercare one day But nobody knew what they'd meant. They just seen it on pamphlets and stuff until then people fucking drew it on his shirt Scasticas You see a bunch of scars then he washed the shirt and he's still wore for a while And you could just see the outline of the swastika. So there's like an undercover uh anti-semite On a black light. You'd still see it. Oh, definitely, dude That's how they get in might have been written in a little bit of seed, you know, but uh

but um But uh, but yeah, I remember he wore it for a while dude and uh poor kid But they didn't have any jewish kids in the area. It was just something people had seen on pamphlets You never grew up with any jewish kids. No, we had one kid later on when I found that that um Was half jewish and then a mother dated a jewish guy a half jewish half black gentleman for a while Half jewish half black drake Yeah, that's drake My uh, I always saw swastikas as a kid on garages graffitied on garages, but they did them the wrong way

Oh, yeah, they always drew them wrong and so my instinct was like I want to fix it But I don't want to help the racism right, but it's just wrong. I hated that they fucked it up But my first friend as a kid and it was a was a jewish kid I didn't know what that was until I was much older But because they had he taught me what a dreidel was I just thought they were different christians. I just thought they were like another Brant branch of catholic or whatever. I had no idea, but dreidels and menorahs I didn't know what any of that stuff meant it meant nothing his mother always smelled so good

His name was philip. She was beautiful They lived in in our apartment apartment building We lived in an apartment building when I was a kid and I would go to their apartment their apartment was so much nicer than ours Like we had an apartment that you um That was just an apartment that you rented and you lived in They like did the wallpaper. You know what I mean? Like they had they owned the building or no No, no, but no, no, this was like a 40-story building. This is downtown in high-rise But it's just they just they looked like they lived in it. We looked like we we looked like we were staying in one

Yeah, I mean our apartment looked like an apartment you stayed in there's looked like one they lived in It was just it was really it was always nice beautiful like The fixtures I always remember like fixtures are really fancy like the sink handles were nice And we had always the ball, you know the ball handles, you know, I mean that's just regular apartment shit But yeah, and I didn't know till I was older that he was jewish And uh When I had learned what it was I was like, oh, I guess that's that's what all that shit was I just thought they were like a you know, there's so many forms of christianity. You don't know any of them

You know, I mean there's different levels to this and you I just Baptist catholic I mean there's a thousand Neapolitan fucking snake boys metropolitan everything. Yeah margarita with basil. There's so many different levels I don't know any of them. There's milk and margarita christians. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Shout out to milk and margarita. What was that kid's name? I like that Lance I think I like that video question stuff. That's so smart to get them to send a video Yeah, we have a lot of great ones. We have one more. Let's do one more Sounds good. That was becket by the way gang, bro. That's a great name Do you remember the becket the becket card the becket card the becket card catalog when that thing came

That was so dope. Dude. See if you went up 10 cents like 48 cents more Oh, definitely not trading it. Yeah mark. Yeah, you're not gonna get it. Andre where I had 11 Andre where rookie cards and 11 pan out. Yeah, yeah, that's really sad pan Out Sean Kemp was it was the second most card I ever had besides Jordan. I had Sean Kemp's I loved Sean Kemp that Don Russ card where he's like coming off of a dunk. I think oh, dude I know that picture. Yeah, it's like silver like around the edges kind of yeah I had I had so many Sean Kemp cards that at some point I was like, man, am I a Seattle fan like I didn't really realize I was such a

Fanatic about him for you can collect his sons now He has a hole there. He has enough kids where you can get a whole pack of his 36. Yeah, 36 And two of them are hard to get for some reason. I don't know why those middle ones 96 must have been tough for you Seattle Chicago I mean, I grew up with the greatest basketball player of all time. So it was really not even argument to be really Yeah, who are you wearing in this on the wall here that number five is John Paxton Oh, Johnny Paxton is one of the greatest three-point shooters for the Bulls have ever had although He doesn't get enough love because Steve Kerr kind of gets all the shine because of now his lineage in basketball

But Johnny P was incredible man. He was so good But yeah, I love that Johnny Paxton jersey and I wore that to a game And bj armstrong was here when we were playing the Lakers And he and he made eye contact with me and he went like this And and I and I was like I ran up to him and I was like, I'm such a big fan and everybody around didn't know who he was Yeah, people had no idea who bj armstrong was I was like It was so strange to be with a guy that I thought was a legend a legend and people didn't I just young kids

I don't think knew who that was I had the same bj armstrong experience at the gym. I see him at the gym sometimes Oh, I used to work it out at the sequin ox and uh And I would see him there and the first couple times I saw I'm like, I don't know this dude, you know And every if you're a white guy, you always want to know tall black dudes, you know, you just you just know right away Yeah, and you want to know them. You're like, I don't know they feel special. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah They're like, oh, this guy does has this guy does something. Yeah. This guy does things. I can't do You know, right? So

And then at some point I just remember like holy shit. That's bj armstrong. Yeah, he was so good Yeah, so fun to watch. Did you go say hi to him at the gym? Yeah said hi to him And then after that we would kind of just say hey or what was going on chat briefly, you know But I think Iowa state was playing one time and I saw he was watching the game But Yeah, it was I would always chat a little bit about who was your first celebrity, but always nice Michael Landham was supposed to come to our town when I was growing up It did never made it or there was a rumor that he wasn't he never came the plane touchdown and took off

I don't know what happened. The skirting goes he was to come to the fair to the cat to the to the parish fair, but uh, who was the first celebrity? That's a great question Maybe right when I got to LA there was I was by that and as hotel right next to the comedy store And tracy armstrong tracy. No, is he the comedian tracy morgan tracy morgan was arguing with the police And they're trying to arrest him for something and he goes there's a fucking white man Running around with a butcher knife and y'all here asking me questions right now Really? He deflected everything to the fact that there was a white man. There probably was running down the street that had said something to him

with a butcher knife and eventually the police left They didn't even go look for the guy. No, eventually whatever he was doing It didn't compare to this to this world that he built up Of this supposed man with a butcher y'all looking for the raw person There's a butcher knife wheeled a white boy running up and down sunset I love tracy, man. That motherfucker's hilarious. He was your first celebrity that you saw. He's the first celebrity that I saw Tom Selleck at the airport. No. Yeah, my dad was like my dad literally out loud goes Tom Selleck Calling his name out Tom Selleck and Tom kind of turned him went like hey, that's rude. Don't yell out my fucking name. I mean

My dad was like Tom Selleck. I was like, I know. Yeah, I saw it was very embarrassing. Thanks for that shit But the first actually the first one that I said hello to was the mom from the wonder years No way really I loved her. I got her autograph on a napkin in an ice cream shop. My mother didn't even know who she was I was like mom. That's the mom from the wonder years and she was like, I don't know who that is She had no idea and then she said my son really Is a fan of yours and she's oh my god, that's so nice because she was from Chicago She was back home in the ought when they were

In the middle of shooting that show and I was she was she was my tv mother. I love the wonder years That was like one of my favorite shows. Yeah, and I and she signed a little napkin It's and I still and I still have it to this day. She was so nice and so sweet But she was like tv mom. Yeah, because she was like a stay-at-home mom. Oh, yeah, she had all that like my mom I never had a stay-at-home mom She always had the stress of the mom on her a little bit But like the love of the husband like I want to do my best But I got to kind of be here and by the sink those tv families were so right

Something about them and it made us all look up to those families, man. Dude. I had lunch with uh, fred savage recently breakfast Oh, you did. Yeah. Yeah, I met him. He directed this thing that I did one time and uh He's the voice of honda If you ever hear a honda commercial, he's he is the voice of honda. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, he's a really neat guy Yeah, good. He's a good dude. Good dude very tiny though. He's smaller than I thought Yeah, he never grew up after that show that show stunted his growth. What would you do? Yeah All right, let's see that let I want to see this video. I want to see that dude. I skipped him. That was my bad I got it. I got into the questioning this dude

I had a quick question here for mr. Santino. Oh, that's cool. Um, how did you and uh, little dicky become tight? It's a pretty cool guy to know right now got with a lot of influence And um, uh, really big name Just thought it was interesting. Y'all were tight and wondered how how that came about Thanks a lot. Appreciate it gang gang Oh, I like that high note at the end. Yeah, I like this dude. He's like me if my mom, uh, met a black guy That's like me if I was half black for real. He looked he's also he's such a podcast fan

He's got on rogan in the background. Hmm with dance odor. Maybe or something. No, I couldn't tell who it was It kept going by so fast. I couldn't see Uh, no, I don't know who that is. That's I don't know who that is I can't tell Um, but yeah, shout out. Thanks for this dude. No. Yeah, I'm doing a show with little dicky Uh, people don't know who that is a funny rapper. He's uh, got a show that we're doing on fx that comes out in march Um, that's how we met we met because we're doing the tv show together and uh He's a funny dude, man. I he wants to do comedy more than rap, but he doesn't want to do stand-up

But he wants to do comedic Television it's all doing a live show. No, we did a scripted show. Oh, wow. Yeah for fx you said, uh, and it's me and him Um, and a few other actors But a ton of rappers are on it yg is on it Trippy red future. There's a bunch of people that make appearances. Um, Um, it's cool. I mean, I it's I hope I hope it's gonna be good. I never you never know what tv shows It's so weird, man. I you should do more tv shows might make maybe next year. You really should man. How'd you meet him though? Um, when I read for the show when I read for the show we met when I read for the show

I was in his name is Dave and uh He was like he was like, do you just want to do you want to read these lines or do you just want to just fuck around? Because I think he had they had shown him me and you know, he had seen me or whatever and then Um, yeah, we just fucked around the whole time man. We just made up a fake scene scenario And we just had a great time and that it was just it's good It's kind he wants it to be kind of like the rap a rappers version of curb, you know like to do like the hip-hop version of curb How did it feel when you're on set? I mean it feel like a good show. Yeah, it was funny. I just I never know with tv You know what I mean? Like tv you never know what you're making

You know what I mean? Like and there's also so much scrutiny in television that I try to just make it do my best And I distance myself from it. Yeah, because I don't the negativity and the hate and people that talk shit about projects that you make I just don't want to deal with it. I don't like it like I want to I make it and I push it away Like I usually never watch anything I do It's too hard for me I don't like it because then I'll get really critical over what what I made and then I'll start to agree with the hate You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah people say something negative. I'll go. Yeah, that is right

I hate that too. Yeah, it's like I don't need to do that to myself Like there's no need to I'll do that sometimes to drown myself in the thing that I heard someone else be negative about I don't need that shit. Yeah, we don't need it man. Yeah, it just doesn't help. It doesn't help You know, if you hate me, don't watch me. Don't talk to me. Don't like me. I don't care If you don't like me, you don't think I'm funny or whatever. You don't like my shit. I don't fucking care Don't watch my shit. I don't need you to tell me. Yeah, do something else. Yeah, just do something else, bro I just I just don't need it anymore. So yeah, I hope it's good I wish for the best for the show and I put it out and we put some good work into it and

Hopefully it sounds like you don't think it's gonna be good. That's what it sounds like. I'm just not good at that I'm not good at pretending like I know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, because every time I see you something Every time I respect that though, at least you're not fucking Yeah, most people would have said this is the best shit ever watch this shit and you're like that's fucking dog Shit, yeah, because I don't want to sell a lie. Like is it good? I think so. I just I haven't seen it That's the other thing is like what's it called? When will we see it? It's it's March 14th I think it's coming out in March on FX and if right now it's called Dave. That's his first name Dave But we don't know if they don't know if they're gonna call it that yet

But it's great. Jeff Schaefer is the ep of it. He's the guy who did the league Oh, yeah, a bunch of our homies and uh, he did curb this year Jeff directed curb your enthusiasm, which I got to do an episode of that was bananas I got an episode of curb your enthusiasm coming out Me and Larry David and JB smooth JB. JB is so funny the funniest like Too funny like to a degree where you're like, this is unfair how funny he is in a scene. He was knockout He wasn't even supposed to be in it. He just kind of like they inserted him in because he showed up And me and him were just fucking with Larry and they loved he loved it. He was eating it up

Yeah, he wasn't it was just supposed to be me and Larry getting in this argument And JB was like he just poked in in the middle of the scene I think they had been like, oh fuck around because we had gotten what we needed and he came in and it changed the whole scene. It was so funny. Oh, he's so funny man. Yeah, so that was uh, so yeah, hopefully, you know, hopefully, uh, the little dicky show is Is a well-received thing. I just I don't know what TV because I was being honest with you like They make you promote the show. Right, right. That's a good point, too So you do want to promote what's yours what you've been a part of yeah So so like I'm I hope it's good and I haven't seen it. That's what people also don't know

It's like when you shoot shit. You don't fuck. I don't fucking know. I'm not sitting in the edit bay I don't know what it's going to turn out to be Yeah, and a lot of times you get scrutiny over things and you're like that's not what it was when I did it You know what I mean? That's it's like I don't know what it turned what it's going to end up being It's got to go through this Willy Wonka machine of like, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, that's a great point So so I hope so but yeah, you got to do these press tours when you do those things half the time you do them And they make you feel like you're supposed to be like a cheerleader

It's like that. I don't want to be I don't want to be like it's the greatest thing I've ever done I mean, let me tell you something jimmy like I don't want to do that like I don't want to go on Jimmy Kimmel and and play this like hype card. Yeah, it's hard to do Because it's just like I don't know it's no disrespect to people that do it Some people are very good at that, but like I can't I couldn't I can't I can't do it like I like it I hope it's good. That's all I can do like I'm dying up here was the same thing Yeah, you don't have to and also you don't so much control over it like you do your line You do your scenes you do your part

Yeah, the only person that has to really be concerned with that stuff is Dave because it's his he wrote the show It's his show. You know what I mean like yeah, I mean if props to him You know what I mean like he put in a lot of work on he cares a lot about the project and I do too But I have much much less influence and control. I'm a I'm a great puzzle piece in the in the grand scheme. So We'll see what we really need to do is like you and me Bobby call and a bunch of us goofballs. We need to we joked about making a movie or a tv show We really should man. We would have so much fun. Then then it'd be no rules Well, everybody always says it nobody does it

But it's like how do we do you know we'd have to find what was what was tangible like we have to find the thing that's like Like that we can hold on to that. We could really make something good out of you know what I mean? Yeah, it can't just be Burt Shown his titties. Yeah every scene although it is funny to have him just walk into the scene show his titties and then get out Yeah, I thought wrestling I thought if we were all like this shitty wrestling league that I liked that I like But I think you get pushed back from people that don't like wrestling that becomes like the whole Well, fuck them, bro. If they can't put let it let us pretend that we're wrestlers. That's all I'm saying. Yeah Well, I don't care. I'll have some whimsy man. Have some fucking whimsy. Isn't that that's going to be the phrase of the day It is now man. Andrew Santino. Thank you so much, bro. Thank you. Good luck on the new tour, man

Thank you the red rocket tour red rocket tour people. I'm doing 21 cities go to Andrew Santino.com and check all that out And hopefully I'm coming close to you. I'm trying my best to get to as many cities as I can that yeah, man And congrats on all your hard work and all your success this year. I know it's been a big year for you and I hope it keeps going man I'm trying. Thank you, baby. Sure. You too. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself on my own. It's gonna run away, train with a heavy load of my hand.