This Past Weekend - Bald is Beautiful | This Past Weekend #103

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

Back from Oklahoma. Talking Uncle Joey and Netflix. Men with too much titty and not enough hair. And names that are actually weapons.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's gonna love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it, she complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind.

Deals so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. What are they going to do about us, man? That's what I ask sometimes. I say, what are they going to do about us? us. And that is Brad Levine with Better Off Barefoot right now, right there. And what are they going to do about us? That's what I ask myself sometimes. You know, there used to be a driving force in me a lot when I was young.

You know, I'd ask myself, what are they going to do about me? You know, I'd think about that in the world, you know, and I would try to inspire myself and I'd have those M&M moments, you know, or them easy E moments when I was, you know, you know, bustling through the neighborhood by my lonesome, just out there all lonely legged, just moving one foot in front of the other, you know, you kind of, you put your chin up, you walk chin first, you know, when you get your swag, you get your neck all swaggy, and you walk chin first, and you think to yourself, what are they going to do about me? You know, what's the world going to do about me? Because I'm not going to give up. They're going to have to do something, and they're going to have to put me down. They're going to have to do something.

They're going to have to put me down. They're going to have to old yellow your boy. They're going to have to hit me with that euthanasia if they're going to stop me. Because I'm not going to stop by myself. I used to think about that when I was, when I was, when I was young, you know, when I had that,

you know, that wild swagger, you know, you got that fuck the world, fuck the world swagger. Yeah. And I, that,

that, that used to be the thing that would drive me. You know, it used to be, man, every other, every other vertebrae of my spine was just, You know, it used to be, man, every other vertebrae on my spine was just, you know, it was like Marshall, it looked like just like a little picture of Marshall

Mathers, then a vertebrae. It would be like L1, Marshall Mathers, L3, Marshall Mathers, L5, Marshall Mathers, S1, on up my vertebrae through that whole spinale column. And that's who I just had that. I had that angst in me. And that's what drove me a lot of times when I was young was that angst, that fire. Me asking the world. At the root of me, I was asking the world, what are y'all going to do about me? How are y'all going to stop me? And that used to be some anger and some swagger that I used to

run with. Thank you guys for being here today. You know, I'm happy. I'm happy to be here with you guys. I just got back from Oklahoma City, or no, sorry. I just got back from Oklahoma City. Sorry, I just got back from Arc, Oklahoma. Up there in the corner of Arkansas and Oklahoma. You know, it's they got a lot of wheat up there. They got a lot of hay. I mean, you see a hay bale. You driving, you driving

and suddenly you see, you know, six or seven hay bales. You know, you see a couple people ducked off behind a hay bale. Maybe, you know, you know, tug people ducked off behind a hay bale, maybe, you know, you know, tugging on a pack of Winstons. You see somebody ducked off behind a hay bale, maybe, you know, hugging their sister a little too hard. Or you see, you know, a couple siblings back there. You see, you know, maybe, you see somebody, you know, supposed to be working, they ducked off behind a hay bale, and they're test driving a couple of daydreams. But that's what you would see with these hay bales.

When you get these hay bales going, a hay bale is just a place to hide. A hay bale, especially in flat terrain, a hay bale is just a soft little bitty mountain that is flammable and that horses will eat. And you set a hay bale anyway, you know, if you got an open field, you put a hay bale in that out in the middle of it, suddenly you got something to hide behind. Anything can happen behind there. Sorcery, wizardry, or light wizardry. What else? I mean, you from the winds behind a hay bale. You could grow plants that need shade. You could do it behind a hay bale. So sometimes if you're driving past on the road and you look at a hay bale, you're like, what the fuck, dude? That's just a bunch of grass got together in a damn gangbang. But when you really get out there and look, you know, and you see what a hay bale is, you see, oh, this is, you know, this thing provides possibility.

Because you don't know what's going on on the other side of that hay bale. You don't know what's going on on the other side of that HBZ. But man, I had a good weekend out there. I had a really good weekend out there. And I'm happy to be home and I'm tired. Dude, I'm freaking tired, dude. I'm tired. But we had a good

show out there. We had a good show out there. We sold it out. I want to thank everybody that came out there. Somebody hit the hotline with this right here. What's up, Theo? This is Brian from Arkansas, man. I'm just calling. I just got done watching your show. You fucking annihilated, man.

I stuck around for a little bit. I didn't know where you were going to be coming out. I wish I would. You fucking annihilated, man. And I stuck around for a little bit. I didn't know where you were going to be coming out. I wish I would have got to meet you, man. But I just wanted to call and say thanks for the show. It's fucking awesome, man. And let Mr. Shao know that I'm going to be catching him next month when he comes, too, man. You got it, brother. Thank you.

Thank you for that message. And I enjoyed it, dude. I enjoyed it out there. A lot of good people came out. You know, a lot of good people out there holding hands. And, you know, a lot of just, they had one dude had real, look like he had a bunch of ant bites on his arms. But you know what? I'll still, I'll let that dude hug me one time.

I said, damn, boy. You know, wrap me up in them big bite burritos. He had these big arms, these big, long, just like a dam. You know, I mean, it was just like being wrapped in each one. Each one of his arms was probably three feet long. So he just put me in this big. It was just like six feet of just ant ant bitten burrito, just real white and just hell ant bites like this dude had just been, you know, playing been playing Sims on his arms, but with ants.

And they had a lot of people came out. And I will tell Brendan Schaub that you guys will come see him as well. I know he's going to be heading there soon for, I think, his second or third visit. The bee sting daddy from the fighter and the kid. But man, I'll tell you this. I went to see Joey Diaz. Surprised him up there on Monday, last Monday. And yeah, man, it was great. Because Joey has this special thing. If you're not familiar with Joey Diaz and you need to go check him out, he's one of a kind. He's

from another... It's almost like he like the emerging of a couple of different generations. Cause he's got this old school generation where it's, you know, he's about honor and he's about his word, but then he's got this new school generation where he's, you know, all in the psychedelics and, and, and thinking and like, and experimenting and, and, and then he's got the kind of the 70s kind of trapped in him where he's all about free love and just bringing everybody into the fold. He's just, you know, he's multi-generational.

And he's got that special gift. And he was shooting a special for Netflix. And Netflix is a television channel, but it's on your computer. And now it's actually back on your television now, which is pretty bizarre, isn't it? It's like TV came off actually back on your television now which is pretty bizarre isn't it it's like tv came off a tv on your computer and then now it's like oh go go and get now you can get the computer over the on the tv remember where you used to get it but now it's like they took it

and reshaped it and just and then and now it's it's back over there and uh and he he was taping a net a netflix special for them and it was great man he didn't know i was coming up and i rolled up there and you know it's you know they got you know they have productions so you get there and they have an audience waiting outside some white dude some muppet had gotten you know the heater had got him was in vegas so either the heat had got him or maybe a hooker had bit him. You know, something had happened to him and, you know, and he hit the ground. The EMTs are out there. But, you know, a couple of EMTs, they're probably, you know, cooking dope on the side and shit because it's Vegas.

You know what I'm saying? Everybody, somebody's a school teacher, but they sell a little bit of freaking warm lip out the back door. You know, they escort. So it's anything is possible. You know, they sell a little little bit of freaking warm lip out the back door. You know, they escort. So it's anything is possible. You know, they sell them a little couple slices of that. Mama's got that sweat wallet. And she's vending that thing after school. You know, and she's putting people in a detention in her crotch.

Because that's how they make that extra money. That's Vegas. And that's, you know, I mean, the Vegas is basically just a buffet for the dark arts. You get anything you want over there. You can go rappelling off of a crack rock if you want. And that reminds me of a story of my sister one time. She, and I don't think I'm talking outside of school. I mean, my sister and I, you know, she knows I love her and we share stories.

But she got caught up on some of that dust or something back in the day. You know, she was just, uh, you know what I'm saying? She was just, she was all about that. She was all about that. Give me a D, give me a U, give me a S, give me a T on that dust. And, uh, and she had a boyfriend and that's what happened, you know, cause sometimes the man will be all, he'll be dusted up, you know, he'll be running around and, uh, and, and he'll have, you know, dusty ideas. And then the lady will fall in love with the man and then she'll get caught, you know, she'll get some of that dust in her eyes. And that's just a by-product of the love that she expresses for the man. And that's what happened with my sister. And so she fell in with some man and it was getting dusted up or something

and he took her rock climbing. And look, dude, I think it's crazy to be, first of all, you introducing somebody to rock, you know, to some type of dust or methamphetamines and then secondarily to then physically take them rock climbing. I mean, that's, I mean, what is that? What would Freud say about that? You know, when you're introducing somebody to a couple of grams, and then you're introducing somebody to a couple of, you know, stalactites of granite,

from grams to granite, baby. You know what I'm saying? We're getting dusted, and and we going spelunking. And so that's what happened. But anyway, my sister went rock climbing and they ended up climbing up to a, what's it called? When people are, they're eating, whatever, you can see their vagina. Nudist colony. She got taken up to a nudist colony and they were grilling out.

They were doing barbecue. Because even the naked like to eat. You got to think about that. If you take your clothes off the first thing I want, boy, I feel embarrassed for about 30 seconds after that. Give me a fucking McRib, baby. Give me a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a sloppy Joe. Now, if I got on a nice, you know, if I got on a nice 700, you know, count, you know, or if I got on a nice like 80 count threadbare shirt or something, you know, or a multifaceted, you know, collared shirt, shirt that has a couple of levels, you know, got that business top piece, that collar.

Yeah, then I might not enjoy a chili dog the right way. Or I might stick my neck out and eat it away from my body. But boy, you get me naked? Mother, I want a sloppy joe. You know what I'm saying, dude? I'll let you throw handfuls of fucking warm meat into my mouth from about two feet away. You know what I'm saying? I'll take that prime rib from close range because,

uh, because I don't care about getting it on my clothes at that point, you know, and that's the crazy thing. We buy these clothes and then, you know, cause we want to look nice and then we have to eat all uncomfortably to keep the spillage off of our clothes.

Because, look, I don't trust somebody that don't put a little bit of condiments on their meat. If you don't put condiments on your meat or condiments on your vegetables or salads, if you're eating dry, you're eating dry salad? Oh, was your stepdaddy a rabbit? Huh? Do your mother live at, I don't know, Mr. McGregor's Garden? Unit 704? No. You need to put condiments on anything you're having. You got to juice things up. But so when you don't have that, when you're naked, you'll eat something full throttle, boy, I'll take that shit straight to

my face, because I don't care if I get a little bit of meat on my neck, you don't care if I get a little bit of sloppy joe, you know, coagulat it up in my navel, because I'll just, dude, I'll scoop a fucking hit of, dude, I'll scoop a small baby hit of warm yams out of my navel, and take that shit into my jaw, Because that's who I am, baby. What they going to do about it? How they going to stop me? How they going to stop me? But my sister, you know, they got up there and this was a nudist colony.

And they cooking, they out there grilling. And she said they were grilling fresh franks, you know, hot dogs, whiners. And they out there, you know, they got a fresh batch of, you know, polished sausages and whiners and everybody's out there eating. And I'll be, dang, dude, her boyfriend, this dude, you know, and he was busted up on them boulders, on them baby boulders, you know, heating them up with a lighter and taking them into his brain. You know, that baby boulder smoke just...

And letting the squirrels run through his fucking cerebralities. And this dude's out there and he's taking my sister to a nudist colony weenie grill out. And honestly, it sounds like a fun-ass date. It sounds like something you'd pay extra to go to at one of these raves. You know, for an extra $150, you can get that special nudist colony wristband. Well, we'll take you guys behind the gymnasium. They got about 50 naked people hopped up on Molly. You know, grilling up a package of them Johnston Brats.

And my stepdad used to grill up Johnston Brats. And my stepdad used to grill up Johnston Brats for us all the time. And he drove an old cop car, dude. And everybody in the neighborhood thought he was a cop, but he wasn't. He just got that shit at auction. And so, you know, he got a discount on that car, but I'll be damned if we didn't get off frisked.

Everywhere we went, people frisked and we thought I had a wire on that car, but I'll be damned if we didn't get all frisked everywhere we went. People frisked and we thought I had a wire on. Saying, that's my daddy. I barely know him, dude. He owns a car wash and he's been making love to my mother. That's our only connection. So why are you frisking me? And also, why are you a 40?

Why is this 40 year old man frisking me? Saying he thinks I'm a narc. A narc for what, bitch? I'm nine years old. I'm 11 player. I ain't narking. So anyway, man, but my sister, yeah, you know, uh, what was I talking about? I don't know, but yeah, dude, they took, you know, like my sister, they got, she got caught up out there on a little bit of that face fire, on a little bit of that dust. And she went rock climbing up to a nudist colony and ended up having lunch out there with them. And in hindsight, look, at least the guy took her to do things.

And you can say that's messed up, but also I bet there's a lot of people sitting around out there jealous right now. Look, at least the guy took her to do things. You know? And you can say that's messed up, but also I bet there's a lot of people sitting around out there jealous right now. That your man or your woman's never took you out there for anything special like that. Never took you out there for anything brave and did a little bit of bravery. But yeah, my sister was brave like that, man. One of my sisters was brave like that. She likes to get out there and be out there like that. But yeah, thanks for calling and thanks for coming out there to Oklahoma.

They had a lot of good people came out. Dude had ant bites on his arms. We had a couple of beautiful multiracial couples. And I like seeing that beige power. That's where I'm at. Because the future, brother, shit is the future is mauve. You know, the future is a little bit, is mildly copper. You know, the future's got that, you know, it's multifaceted.

You know, the future is multifaceted. Because they got a lot of people out there trying to get theirs. And those people are all different colors. You know, all different shades. and those people are the ones, that's the team I'm on right there. People are out there trying to get theirs, you know, and you ain't got to cripple nobody in your wake. You know, you don't have to run around

with a wheelbarrow of plaster of Paris and, you know, and just be crippling people in your wake and then putting them into casts. And patching people up after you fucking them up to get yours. You don't have to do that. You can make your way. You can make your way with others. And that's what I realized, dude. Because I get in some of these places and it's,

you know, I just, you know, I noticed the things that get me are, there's a lot of people out there that don't want to try, you know, and it's unfortunate if they can't try, if they, you know, if there's something preventing them from making an effort, if they have fear. But some people, they don't want to. They want to stay where they are. And you can stay where you are physically, that's fine. But you can't stay where you are everywhere. I don't think that that's using the gift that we have here, this time here.

I don't think it is. If you're not trying to make a move Even emotionally You're not trying to stay in motion intellectually You know you're not trying to To challenge yourself in some type of way That's my thing man You know I can't

You know I'm just realizing I don't have the I don't have the time I don't have the effort To To just mill around. We got to be moving. We have to be trying to grow. You know, we have to. We got to.

Because if not, well, what are we doing? You know, it's interesting. They say that the universe expands constantly. So I'm going to sit here and do nothing. Huh? Or I'm going to get out there and I'm going to go spelunk until I find a dang nudist calling it. That's grilling up a bag of Johnson rats. And you can see everybody's crotch at the same time.

Gang, gang. I mean, if that ain't beauty, I don't know what is. But it's about, I think that universe thing is just a clue for us. You have to expand. You gotta grow. You know, you gotta grow. There's too much opportunity

these days to just completely stay stagnant. And sometimes it's tough. Look, it's easier said than done. But the thing is, is just take one little step. One little move in front of the other. You know? Because even old Ant Arms, even old Ant Arms came out to the show. And got his laughter.

And got that Calamon lotion of love in his ears. And that's what laughter is. You know? And that's what we got to do. We got to stay. We got to stay healing. We got to stay moving forward. You know, we can do it. We can do it, man. But I had a great time and I appreciate that call. But I went up there and I surprised Joey Diaz. I know I'm in and out of things here, but that's how I am. And especially, look, I'm trying to get settled. Dude, I've been all over the place. Last week I went to, I don't even know where.

And then Monday I came and went to, went over to Vegas. And then we got Oklahoma. And then this coming weekend I'll be in Calgary. And that's Canada. So, dude, I'm straight up jumping continents, baby. Yeah, I'll be in Calgary. And then I'll be at Timbler Brewing in Bakersfield next weekend.

And that is sold out, but they added a second show. And so that's what's up. What else? But I went and saw Joey Diaz and man, he just, you know, he's that special level of human. He's so multifaceted

and we got to watch him tape his Netflix special. And that was cool. You know, because especially after all that hard work, there's that thing where you want that. You know, you never know what's going to make a comedian or a person or a father or a businessman or a banker or a delivery boy. You never know what they're, you know, what's the thing that's going to make them feel complete. You never know.

You never know what's going to make them feel, you know, complete. What's going to make them feel, you know, what that little thing is out there that's going to make them feel like, oh, I do my job well. oh, I do my job well. You know, it might be that you're a, you know, you might be somebody that, you know, you might be somebody that paints.

And everybody's trying to get you to paint this and paint that. You know, oh, won't you paint this picture of these apples? Paint this bowl of fruit. I'm shocked at the level of people that fucking paint fruit. I mean, that's crazy when you think about it. Think how many pictures of fruit are out there. And every now and then, somebody pick up some paints and some poster board

and thinks they're going to do it different or better. Uh, hello? There's about 11 million pictures of fruit. You fuck in Muppet? Do you, are you a Muppet? Do you have Jim Henson's hand up your ass? Because they already have 11 million pictures of fruit and you're going to get out there? And you're going to do that banana different? I doubt that. And so it's, you know, sometimes it's like,

but you don't know when that painter, people tell him to paint this, paint that, and you don't know. For him, he might want to paint a house. He might want to spray paint

his stepmother. You know, he might want to wake old Janet up with a couple of, with that can of, remember that spray paint? It used to have a marble in it.

So you knew when somebody about to light you up, boy. And then, that shit, boy. Dude, you could spray paint somebody's eyes shut. They had this boy in our neighborhood growing up. They called him Dark Benjamin. And it wasn't a black kid. It was a boy and somebody spray painted. They lacquered his fucking eyes shut so bad, dude.

They were closed for about six weeks because his dad got pissed. He didn't want anybody touching his son after that. And he said, don't anybody touch him. And the mom was like, well, you know, they shut it. They, you know, they spray painted his eyes shut. And the dad's like, I don't give a damn what they did. Don't touch him. And so then freaking Dark Benjamin had to just chill out, bro.

You know, and I remember his mom even, he was probably eight years old. His mom put him in a damn baby stroller and took him around for safety. And then he hit a growth spurt. Even while his dad was out of town, just for about six weeks, he hit a growth spurt, even while his dad was out of town, just for about six weeks, he hit a growth spurt and they put him on a little dolly, like one of those little,

a hand truck, one of those little dollies you use to move a bunch of boxes at once where you set them and you lean that metal thing back and it kind of props them. It's got two wheels. And dude, Dark Benjamin,

his mom and his aunt, who was, you know, honestly, fully lesbian, they were pushing on, you know, they'd be pushing just wheeling Dark Benjamin around because they had his eyes all caulked shut. You know, because they spray painted over his eyes with one of those hard cans of lacquer. Hold on. I got to turn the lights on in here. All right. I'm back.

Anyhow, what was I saying? All right, I'm back. Anyhow, what was I saying? So, yeah, you just never, but you never know what somebody's, you know, what's their magnum opus? What's the thing that makes them feel, oh, okay, I did it? You know, it might be if you're a pizza delivery boy, for you it might be, okay, if I get to deliver pizza and then I get invited into a threesome or something. You know? to deliver pizza and then I get invited into a threesome or something, you know, or maybe somebody lets me, you know, maybe somebody, the lady's going to lay there naked and let

me look at her junk while she have a couple slices. You know, it might be something like that. Um, you never know if for the painter person, it might be okay. Yeah. They paint somebody's eyes shut or maybe they paint, you know, you know, they paint a whole street in their neighborhood. They paint it yellow with a can of house paint. So next thing you know, you got that eggshell, you got that eggshell yellow street out there.

You just never know. For them, that might be like, oh, the thing that makes them feel complete. And so for, yeah, for comedians, you don't know what it is. For some comedians, it's going on tour. Once they get to be out on tour, that's their... They had that Kerouac in them.

And they just wanted to be on tour and be free. And had that feeling of walking through the airport with their bag in their hand. And showing up into a new place to do comedy. That's their thing that makes them feel full. To other people, it may be that they have to be on Madison Square Gardens. They got to be out there on Madison Square Gardens doing it. For some people, it may be that they just need to perform for the local garden club and they'll feel complete.

It's just you don't know what somebody's, you know, what somebody's top gear is, what somebody's, what makes them feel complete. What answers that question, you know, or acknowledges that fire in them? You know, what feeds that, how they gonna stop me? What they gonna do about me? You know, until we get to certain parts in our life and that gets fed a little bit. But I could imagine, I don't know, but I could

imagine that Joey Diaz doing a Netflix special, that that was something for him. And for me, and I could be wrong, and i'm happy to be wrong dude been wrong most of my life but i think i felt that a little that he was you know he just felt like it like it it didn't complete him but just like that it was a stamp of approval you know and not from his, everybody, so many people know he's one of the greats. Just this industry. Because this industry

isn't, it's not about who's good anymore, who's the best. This industry's on to something else. They're doing something else. And I don't think

it's working as effectively. Because now they're coming across the tracks because they want to talk to these real boys over here. And these real girls over here. And they want to talk to these real boys over here and these real girls over here. And they want to talk to people who, who, uh, who actually have a real story to tell. They want to talk to people who have a chip on their shoulder because that's where it comes

from, man. For me, that humor, it comes out of, uh, it comes, it's a necessity. You know, it's just, it's a dandruff. It's a dandruff of my spirit. It's something that has to, that has to come off of me and has to come out of me just for me to feel okay. So there it is, man. But that's a little bit, I guess, of what's been happening this week. And I just had a great time, man. I just had such a great time over there in Oklahoma. We went over to University of Arkansas. I got to see Bill and Hillary's old fuck pad. You know, they had the house where Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton, I guess,

I mean, had sex at least once for Chelsea, you know. But, dude, you could tell, boy, when you're riding around that town, you could feel that old Billy was definitely, because they have a lot of hills in that area, and they got a lot of hay bales. And I bet they called them hay bills, because you could see old Billy, old Billy Cleasy, William Clinton, slipping off behind a hay bale, you know what

I'm saying, and establishing some real jurisdiction back there, but it was beautiful, man, look, I'll tell you this, beautiful school, University of Arkansas, I thought it was going to be like this, look, I had my druthers about it, I had my, you know, I was like, oh, this place is going to be like this, or like this, I mean, you're talking to a, you know, I was like, oh, this place is going to be like this or like this. I mean, you're talking to a, you know, I went to Louisiana State University for a while. And so certainly even were a rival. But man, I was thoroughly impressed. Beautiful school.

A lot of construction going on. A lot of different gradients of land. So you got, you know, a hill will just pop up out of nowhere. So it just adds some different levels. You know, in hills, I mean, you know, you got hills. The good thing about a hill is something can happen behind it. When you're out there on the flat, flat land, dude, you don't, you know what I'm saying? You ain't going to have that much fun.

But you got a hill, boy. Even if you just got a, like I said, if you even just got a hay bale, boy. If you got that little makeshift freaking land pimple, then damn. Anything could happen right behind that thing, boy. But it was nice to see, man. Look, I'll say this. Bill and Hillary had a nice little home over there. You know, they had a nice little home. And I bet if you get up in there, they probably got some dirt. I bet they got some dirty drawings and, you know,

hidden under the floorboards, a little bit of, you know, some different pictures of Cooter and all of that. Because I'll say this, I remember when I I was young they had a man who um and I've told this on Joe Rogan's before they had this dude named Nick and Nick for four dollars would draw you a picture of some you know some sweet crotch for the weekend so on Thursday night you give Nick your money on Friday he shows up you know with that little hitter with that baby sketch you know, with that little hitter, with that baby sketch, you know, that sketch that'll, I mean, this sketch will just, dude, even when you saw him pull the papers out of his pocket, you get a little bit erect, you know, and so that was kind of scary because you wanted to get you a little picture and go look at it, and this dude could draw some

serious, you know, it was general, it was general, you know, I'm not trying to be crass, but it was general labia, general whatever, you know, wasi. And he would draw it up. But man, if you got that little, you got one of Nick's little $4 hitters, man, you'd use that thing all weekend. At 13, 14 years old, dude, I'd rent out the bathroom at my house and just stay in that thing all weekend, just learning about my body. And so I bet Sweet Billy Clinton had a few of those hidden in the walls over there.

Because there's no denying that that man, you know, prefers female genitalia to his own. And I think that that's okay, too. I think that that's okay. I think it's obviously that he's in an arranged marriage where he's allowed to do that sort of thing or was allowed anyway I think it you know these days

these guys are getting a little bit older what else man I will let you know that this episode is brought to you by Grey Block Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard Grey Block has that salad pizza and that's in Los Angeles I will let you know that this episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard. Gray Block has that salad pizza, and that's in Los Angeles. And they got all types of different pizza, you know.

They got the Bella Goat. You know, they got a couple of different items, man. I'll read you one or two right here. They got them calzones. They got them beverages. They got the Venice, the deep cheese, the Frenchie. They got the Hunter, the Buster, spinach, button mushrooms, onions, tequila, lime, marinated chicken with mozzarella cheese

on a garlic pesto sauce, gray block pizza. Get that hitter. Oh, let's take this call. Hey, Theo, just want to get your thoughts on something. I've listened to a lot of your podcasts and I've noticed that you always talk about how out in Hollywood and LA

it's hard for somebody from the South to kind of get accepted and get jobs and also the media kind of knocks on people from the South but I wanted to know your thoughts that here in Georgia that Hollywood films a ton of movies in Georgia.

And they have studios in Atlanta. Marvel's done some stuff here. I know Tyler Perry's got a huge studio here. And I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that. They knock this out so much, but they got no problems coming here and filming all their movies. No, look, this is a great question this is a great comment i appreciate you calling about this you know when i was growing up an escape for me i didn't like my life when i was growing up you know and i didn't feel

comfortable you know i grew up in an area there was a lot of uh poverty and i'm not you know i'm not looking for any um sympathy here or empathy. I don't know which one, actually. I don't know the difference between them. But I grew up scared. They had a lot of dangerous white kids around me, and they had a lot of dangerous black kids around me. Because when you're in a poor area and there's extreme poverty, I don't care if those kids are black or white. A lot of them can be some real assholes. And it was scary. It was scary, dude. I'm not afraid to say that shit now as an adult, man.

It wasn't cool. It was like staying at a Ramada. So yeah, it was alarming, man. And I used television and things I would see that Hollywood created as like, oh, that's, you know, that's my life. That's what I could have. You know, I love storytelling. I loved all of that. This is a place I can come to all this time. I could go there and, you know, it always seems like this place where you can go there and make your dreams become a reality. And, you know, everybody's welcome and this and that. And then I get there and, you know, it's been tough.

I mean, there's no southern accent. You cannot find a southern accent on television, I don't feel like. I mean, especially on network TV, name one actor with a Southern accent on network television. In the past 20 years, I can't even name one. And I'm totally happy to be wrong. There may be one or two. I mean, Blake Shelton, he's not an actor,

but it's like Reba, you had Reba, which is one of the best shows ever. But it's just, you know, it doesn't feel super welcome. And then you have a lot of, you know, a lot of celebrities make fun of people from other areas of the country that don't live in L.A. or don't live in New York or don't have a lot of money. You know, they make fun of people like where I'm from. You know, and it just, I don't know. It has left a sore taste in my mouth. You know, but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop, you know,

trying to achieve some of my dreams or achieve some of my goals. But at the same time, you're right, brother, that Hollywood at the same time, because, you know, California lets so many, you know, they're so open to everyone and so open to this or that or whatever that they don't get the tax breaks. It's too expensive to shoot here anymore because the state's, you know, the budget's so bad. I mean, who knows what they spent all the money doing? I don't know. Probably cleaning up all the shit in San Francisco off of the street.

Dude, have you been to San Francisco? Well, I don't even recommend it. It's just people, just judgment and shit on the street. But I'll say this, man. So then they'll go to our southern cities and get the tax breaks happily. Oh, they'll happily come over to Atlanta and get those tax breaks. They'll happily go shoot in Wilmington, New Orleans. It's like they just use you.

That's the thing. It just, so I don't know. I guess I just feel a little bit, I don't know, I don't feel taken advantage of, but I feel like once you get to Hollywood and you see what's really going on, you see sometimes the hypocrisy of it. And it's a little bit sad.

You know, and I don't like sometimes how, it's the same way how the news always makes fun of, you know, the South. They always say these people are so racist. These people are this or that. But, you know, and I've said this before, but a lot of black people had to beg to be on the Academy Awards two years ago. There's tons of Latino people in America who aren't included in shit. But they don't even raise that big of a deal about it. Because they're usually just having a great time.

But man, it's just like, I don't know. I just wish we would just look at it the way it really is. That none of us are perfect and a lot of shit's messed up. And that this is a dirty business out here. So it's just a matter of how I conduct my own business. That's all I try and worry about. But I think it is messed up. A lot of Hollywood elites will make fun of places where we are from, but then they'll come there and get those tax breaks, won't they?

And that's one thing I've realized, man, that money isn't loyal. And so I'm just going to keep doing me, and I'm going to keep doing my thing. And sometimes I realize I've got to take back a little bit of that childhood angst that I had. You know, I got to keep a little bit of that as what are they going to do about me? Because be honest, I don't think they expected a kid like me to get out here. I really don't. I don't think they expected a kid off of McGee Street to get out here and be on the top stages coming in after, you know, some of these big cats

and these big dogs and perform, you know, before and after some of the greats. I don't think they expected it. You know, and I'm not saying that I'm anything special, but I'm saying that I'm here. You know, and I know a lot of great people in this town and I know a lot of great people that work hard and want to do good stuff, but I don't like that thing where they look at me or they hear the, my, you know, my Southern accent. I mean, you want to talk about people not being welcome.

my southern accent. I mean, you want to talk about people not being welcome. If there's one group on television or two, I'd say it seems to me Vietnamese people and anyone with a southern accent. I mean, you don't see a lot of them on television. So it just seem pretty much, you know, like if it is this for everybody, nah, is it? But it's just crazy to get all the way this far and then look around and be like, damn, I'm not, am I even allowed here? Shitting for everybody. everybody. So you got to make your own way.

You got to make your whole. You got to make your fold. And I think some of the ways you do it, and that's one thing I got to keep, you can have a chip on your shoulder, but you can't really. Because you have to want the best for everybody. And you can't work always the best from a place of anger.

And that's one thing I've learned over the time is that I think I used to be a little too angry. So now most of the time I try and look more at the positive. You know, and I try to think more about the possibility. You know, and I don't try to think as much they don't want me. I try to think that this is going to be a little bit harder for me.

But thankfully, you know, the life that my higher power has put me through is, it's been a little tricky here and there. You know, and I think that's one thing that I'm grateful for, because then I can relate to other people who their life has been tricky. You know, and even if it's been different tricky, you know, I'm talking to a buddy of mine the other day through AA, a black friend of mine. And that's all I'll say, you know, because you're not supposed to share a lot about him. But while he's talking, man, I'm looking in his eyes, dude, and I could feel like just this connect, like just like a crazy connection, man. And I'm not saying nobody was trying to get their nuts out or anything like that or put softener on each other's bodies or anything like that. Or sometimes they used to have these two gay men by us and we'd catch them.

Sometimes they'd be doing a little bit of dust or burning a couple packets of glass in a little pipe outside. And they would get some of that downy freshener. And you'd see them out there in the backyard at night. They'd put a couple towels on the ground and put downy Freshener on each other's bodies, boy. And look, the only reason I watched is because that shit smelled good. Remember when you were a kid? Dude, if you grew up in my neighborhood,

you didn't have parents, dude. You had the smell of Downy Freshener. I mean, if I smelled that Downy Freshener, man, it made me feel like everything was okay. You know, I'd get that hit of Downy Freshener and me feel like everything was okay. You know, I get that hit of downy fresher and I felt like everything was okay. Man, I remember, you know, my father wasn't, you know, and I get sometimes a little bit into this kind of stuff and I don't want anything to be, you know, talk about family stuff sometimes. I don't want to feel like I talk about some of

this emo stuff too much, but you know, my father, one of the best memories that I have are thinking about smells and how they take care of us at times. You know, and we'd see those men, bruh, double Ricky, bruh, because both these dudes were named Ricky, these gay men. And they were lovers, I think, or something, you know. And they were both real, real lean because they were out there something you know and they were both real real lean because they were out there they'd be you know these were rest area these were a couple of rest area bad boys you'd see them out there by the interstate being bad boys you know and they was smoking glass and one of them worked up actually at a um you know uh one of them just rode a bicycle all the time i don't know if that was a job but he he did it. And the other one worked at Auto Body, beating rust off of catalytic converters and shit like that, making recyclables, trying to get things – enough rust off of them for them to be considered recyclable.

So I don't know if that's also a job either. But anyhow, we would – what was I going to say would um oh but another smell i remember my you know i mean i've said this before the hardest working man i've ever known was my mom and and she had uh she had this cow skin this cow skin rug in her room and And this is before animal rights. This is when animals didn't care. A lot of animals believed that they were here to sacrifice their lives so the rest of us could eat and stay warm and stuff like that. And a lot of animals still do. There are some animals that don't think that and they, you know, were raised in hell, but there are some that are still okay with that. Because, you know, animals believe in reincarnation. Do you know that? Yeah. That's

the one thing that's pretty cool about animals they believe that when they die they come right back as another animal and even a cuter animal so i mean if i were you know if i were a armadillo i'd straight up i'd take my own life boy you know i'd come back as a damn beautiful little koala. But my mom had this cow skin rug in her room. And I remember sometimes I'd lay in there and my mom would, you know, my mom worked so much. The only time I get to spend a lot of time with her was at night. I would watch her get ready, brush her teeth and floss her teeth. And, you know, she'd have her nightgown on and she'd put on lotion and just be like a lady,

do lady type of stuff, nothing wild or anything perverted. But I would lay there on that rug and I'd put my face up next to that cow skin, next to that hide. And I'd inhale that smell and it was just that leather smell,

that manly, that leather, just that embodiment of Clint Eastwood or the Ponderosa or Montana, anything that seemed manly or virile. It came into my senses through that hide, and it almost filled my brain almost with like a father figure type of smell and I remember at those moments were some of the moments that I felt most like familial if that makes any sense most okay know, most part of, you know, like I had two moons, you know, like I had, you know, like paint, like it was just the most time where I felt like both my parents were very present. And she'd have put her hair up or – you know how women would put – nothing perverted, but just – she'd be in her night robe and you'd smell like lotion, arm lotion and all of that. And then I'd have that same smell of the hide from the cow, and it would make me feel parented, if that means anything. And I know that's bizarre, but you just don't know where a smell is going to come into you and how it's going to resonate inside of you and make you feel. But yes, but I got to live these days out here and not come from a place of anger because I don't want to come from that place anyway.

these days out here and not come from a place of anger because I don't want to come from that place anyway. But every now and then, dude, I would be lying if I say that I didn't feel unwelcome here sometimes, but I'm not going to give up. And because you know why? Because I don't want there to be, here's what I don't think. I don't think that you teach anybody anything by making them feel unwelcome you know I don't think you man I remember especially whenever the election was going on and stuff dude I mean people looked at me like I was

you know like I like I was like you know just people that had never even been to the towns I'm from or the places I've lived or the places you might have lived people that have never even been to the towns I'm from or the places I've lived or the places you might have lived people that have never even been there just say acting like people that are from these places are shit

or aren't as good as them or aren't worth being around them because they might have some different thoughts or different beliefs or they might just live in a different world you know it's you know different thoughts or different beliefs or they might just live in a different world. You know, it's, you know, and I don't want that.

That's what I don't want. I want there to be, because that doesn't help anybody. Because now if there's a kid sitting at home where I was sitting and he's watching, he's listening to, you know, one of his favorite celebrities and they're telling him that the people from his town or his parents, just because they voted a certain way or they behave a certain way, or not behave, because I don't mean behavior, but because they're from an area that is more conservative or has more, I don't know, fucking owns an animal that lives outdoors. What about that? Has a dog that sleeps on the porch? That's suddenly that they're bad people? Because that doesn't help that kid. You know, that doesn't help the next me that's somewhere.

That doesn't help him. It doesn't help him. In fact, it just makes him angry. It just makes him angry. And if he's already has a lot of like questions in his mind, then it not only does it make him angry. It just makes him angry. And if he already has a lot of questions in his mind, then not only does it make him angry at the celebrity that he cared about, but then it also makes him angry. It could even make him angry at his parents.

And so then where does he have? Or what if he used Hollywood as an escape, some of these shows, and now his favorite celebrities are judging him? It doesn't do anything. There's no solution there. There's no solution. I don't think anyway. And I'm okay to be wrong with that. So, you know, I want a kid, if they see me or they hear me talking about it, they're like, oh, this kid can do it. You know, this kid sounds a little bit like me. You know, this kid sounds a little bit like me.

You know, because look, I get it. People live in different Americas, dude. They are different. You know, and I even go, it's like, you know, people talk about, remember when they had the statues in Louisiana and they were taking the statues down in New Orleans. And I can totally see it. I see it, you know, like if there's a statue and it represents a, you know, if the general was a slave owner or something like that.

And, you know, in half the city's population is black and that makes I get that. I understand it. It doesn't make a ton of sense. but that's also, I remember growing up in that area and we would go meet at the Robert E. Lee statue and everybody would meet up and have fun together, black or white. And it was at the statue. Nobody there gave a fuck. So then it's just this outside judgment comes in. And look, sometimes, you know, and then maybe sometimes it's an evolution of time and, you know, different, another generation starts to have a different perspective.

And that's fine. I get it. You know, and since the statues have been taken down, I don't think most people give a dang. But I just don't like some of that judgment when people who don't live somewhere start saying, oh, this isn't how it needs to be over there. You know, just because those people live by the water, as Bill Burr says, just because you think, just because you live by the water, you think you know it all. It's just not fair.

It's not because you don't. You don't know what it's like there. You don't live there. You live where you live. And if you're bored because your life's so comfortable, lucky you. And I live here now. So it's been interesting, man. I didn't mean to go so deep on this, but things happen, man. Let's take a call right here on the hotline. Dude, I got some, we have the best calls ever, I believe, have come in on this episode.

I'm so grateful for anybody that has hit the hotline. You can always hit the hotline if you have any thoughts or suggestions or commentary on anything that's being discussed on this podcast. Don't feel like you don't have a voice. The number is 985-664-9503.

This episode is brought to you by Spectre. Spectre is a binary options trading platform that takes the middleman out of trading. No more middleman. No more shysty guy showing up in a camel hair suit, you know, with a stack of money on a stick on his back. No more of that. Okay? It's all crypto based. So all transactions happen on the blockchain straight off the blockchain, meaning there is no broker that could potentially rip you off or chain or charge excessive fees. No more brokers. Try the demo today at the link below. And in the episode notes,

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right now. Here we go. What's up, Theo? This is Kelby out here in Kentucky, man, in southern Kentucky. Wow, Kelby in southern Kentucky. I didn't know there was a southern Kentucky, really. That's a double entendre. Thank you for calling, Kelby. Onward. And I just had a question on what you might be thinking. I am 23 years old, and I have, you know, developed a little bit of baldness on the top. OK, boy, you got that baby's ass on the top. Huh? That's beautiful, dude. Dude, in some countries, that's a sign of, you know, hope. I think in Japan, that's a sign of hope. If you don't have any hair on your head, people, you know, people think, oh, man, I hope he's okay with that.

Maybe. Onward. And I decided to shave my head about a year ago, and I've been doing it ever since. Now, since then, people who once knew me have asked me questions such as, am I racist now? Damn, dude. I don't mean to laugh, bro. That is hilarious. Yeah, look, this is, bro,

this goes perfectly into what we're talking about. Just because you have a Southern accent now and because you want to have a haircut, suddenly you're racist. You know? That's like people, just because they see my haircut, they ask, am I a lesbian? Totally messed up. Let's hear more.

It's so true, man. It's so true. You know, just because you got how many options you got. You bowed, hit it. You bow so true, man. It's so true. You know, just because you got to, how many options you got? You bowed, hit it. You bowed, hit it. How many options you got? Uh, uh, Kirby. Uh, sorry. It's not Kirby. What is it? Damn. I don't want to go back and check. Let me think. Uh, Kirby. Nope. It's, uh, um, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to butcher your name here, but I sometimes like to guess things instead of, you know, just check what they are. Hey, Theo, this is, uh, Kerb, um, Kerb, um, Berkey. But yeah, it's fucked up, right? Just because you have a certain style of cut, now suddenly, you know, you're a white supremacist. Or, you know, you're going to start a gang in prison just because you can't fucking grow any hair. Just because God don't want you to have hair doesn't mean he then wants you to be part of some vile group.

Let's hear more. and want you to be part of some vile group? Let's hear more. And, you know, my accent doesn't help, and I know that, but I just wanted your opinion on young guys who maybe have to make a big change in their appearance that wasn't their choice, but just something that our old mother nature had planned for them. And look, man, I'll say this.

I think it's probably, a, I bet at a certain point, it's relaxing to have that hair to have no hair, you know, cause it's in a way, it's kind of, it's almost just like letting your hair grow and just go anywhere. It's like the opposite of that, but it's the same thing. You know, you don't have to worry about it, dude. I used to worry so much. Um, brother Kirby, I'm going to call you Brother Kirby now because I don't, you know, I don't want to go back and listen because I don't want to. I'll go listen. All right. What is it?

What's up? Hey, yo, this is Kelby out here in Kentucky, man. Kelby. Thank you, Kelby. I'm sorry. Yeah, Kelby. It's, you know, it Kelby, it's messed up. That's just how you're going to be. But I bet it is relaxing because I noticed when I used to have a regular haircut, man, clean cut, and I still wish that my neck was just a little bit longer, not much. And I've actually even kind of figured it out.

I think I almost pretty much just wish about three-eighths of an inch. But I had all these little things, and it was just so stressful. And I got a big nose, and I got big ears know, my eyes look like I don't know a lot. If you look in my eyes, you know, it's just I got all these things that made me feel inferior. You know, and I just and I was always just standing in a way to, oh, let me stand up straight and just put your chin out a little so you have a little more chin. And don't look at anything like in the center of your face because you'll look cross-eyed. Just all these things. Just so I could try and appear normal.

And then one day, man, that all got lifted off of me. And I just said, I don't give a... And I just let this shit roll out of my head. I just let my hair grow out, man. And I just made sure that I was brushing my teeth. And that's when I started feeling okay. But yeah, sometimes we have to change our appearance and sometimes God changes our appearance

or the world around us changes our appearance or our life just changes our appearance and we got to adapt. And you might lose a leg and suddenly you got to tie off a lot of your pants or you got to go to that website that's just one side of pants, but then you can get pants, you know, you cut, or you could cut your original pants and new, um, you know, you can, uh, you can cut them in half and just kind of have,

you know, and have two pairs of pants out of one pair of pants. Almost. You can't really though, because you don't have the top part. But, you know, it's like when we got to make those adjustments, man, you got to do it. And in the end, it's about you feeling okay with it. You know, when you go bald, when you go that full natural, there's a lot of fun things you can do. You could do a scented lotion. You could do a mural. You could do some art.

You could do a tattoo. And then, you know, over the parts where the hair is going to grow back. So then you got that tattoo, but you also, you know, your hair is going to grow back over some of it. So you could do something fancy like that. You could do Christmas earrings. You can do some, you know, if you have ears pierced, you can do beautiful Christmas earrings and do that and be that party boy with them bells off his lobes. So there's different options. There's different specialty. There's different specialty options that you can do.

And I hope you find some peace around there. Let's hear a little bit more of your call here. But yeah, if you can give me any insight on that, I'd appreciate it, man. I really appreciate your podcast. I recently found it.

It's did a lot of good for me in trying to understand some of these things I've been thinking about. And you know what you're saying right there, man, that I love to hear is thinking about. Because that's what we got to be doing, Kelby. We have to be thinking about stuff. You know, one thing I will notice, as much as there's so much like judgment about places that aren't, you know, I notice there's a lot of judgment, man. I noticed it in San Francisco last week. Dude, San Francisco, that place is due for, I never felt as much judgment in my life walking around there.

L.A. has this kind of like you're too rich. People are too rich. They make you feel less than. But this other thing was happening in San Francisco where it felt, and not everywhere in the Bay. I'm not saying that. I was out in Alameda and people seemed down, you know, and people seemed a little bit more normal. I'm saying in San Francisco. You know, you had, first of all, it's so expensive there that even if you, fuck, if you get locked out of your house for an hour, you might not be able to afford to get back in.

If you lock, if you lose your keys. So there's an element of that going on where it's definitely, you know, it's way too expensive. So they, you know, for as welcoming as it is, you're only welcome if you got money. Look, if you don't have money, you ain't welcome. You know what I'm saying? That's like I was in Hawaii two weeks ago, four, seven weeks ago.

And they had a TARDIS there. And they had an endangered TARDIS. And I went right up to it. Some lady's like, back up, back up. She said, if you touch it, it's a $5,000 fine if you touch that TARDIS. And I'm like, damn, so only rich people can touch it. That's all that is. You know?

And I don't mean that in a, I'm just, that's the is. You know? And I don't mean that in a... I'm just saying that's the facts. You know? People price themselves out so much so then you have a bunch of people having to spend all this money to live somewhere and they just seemed angry. They just seemed angry.

I never felt as much kind of anger in the air. But just as much as they look at places that don't want to seem progressive, like places where I'm from, there's a thing that I don't like about places. Some of the places where I'm from is people that don't want to be progressive in their thoughts.

We have to continue to think. We have to continue to think about different ways and not just get set where we are. And do I have an answer on how to do that? Nah, man. I don't. I don't really. But a lot of times if we can't think for ourselves

or we can't find a different way, sometimes just listening to somebody else that's different from us, that can help us a little bit. We might not agree with it, but if we get a little piece of something from them. But that's what I like about this call, Kelby, is that you're thinking. You're not just sitting there thinking, fuck, I'm a bald-headed wildcat. I'm going to go join some type of damn – I'm going to go to prison.

Now, some people, they lose all their hair. They're like, fuck, I need to go to prison now and join a cult or something or be a man's lover just because – so it fits with my bald head. or something or be a man's lover just because so it fits with my bald head. You know, where I need to be, you know, what other job is somebody that's often kind of bald? Oh, there's always that bald guy that works on the airlines. He's a male flight attendant. Some bald men will be like, oh, you know, I lost all my hair. Now I need to, you know, suddenly start dating men and work for an airline. But you're not doing that. You're just saying, hey, I lost all my hair. Now I need to, you know, suddenly start dating men and work for an airline.

But you're not doing that. You're just saying, hey, I lost all my hair. Now let me think. Let me think about when I, you know, I don't like that people judge me just because I have a southern accent. Man, it's the same type of shit where they, so many people saying, don't judge, don't judge. But then the second you see, they take the low hanginganging fruit like it's easy to be poor and white. Man, it makes me upset sometimes, but that's okay.

You know, that's part of our journey, man. That's part of our journey. And we all have it, and that's where I try to relate with people on, is on their journey, man. You know. But let's get another call right here. Here we go. Hey Theo, I had a, uh, self-esteem question for you, man. So, okay. Thanks for

calling. Oh, and in middle school, I gained a whole bunch of weight. I was a heavy boy. Uh, I'm from the South as well. When, when I gained, wow, a lot of Southerners today. Um, thank you for calling. You get, you gained some weight in middle school. Let's go. a lot of Southerners today. Thank you for calling. You gained some weight in middle school. Let's go. A lot of weight. I developed breast. Oh, boy. Dude, I'll tell you this story. You're making me think about this

right now. I'm not trying to interrupt you, but I'm going to interrupt you for a second. Man, they had this big boy when I was growing up. Dude, he got them first. He got them ta-tots first, you know. And they had one girl in our school that had them.

But she was, you know, her family was, you know, heavily with the Lord. And their dad locked, you know, they kept all the kids locked up in the yard. And about a year and a half later, I ended up feeling her breath through a barbed wire fence, you know, catching that tat, you know, catching that tatay with my palm, just palming down that fricking young, I don't even know if it was a tit yet, but it was going to be a tit, you know, it was on a girl. So, and that still counts. And she let me touch that warm lump and we were both children. So that's totally legal. But I remember I used to go sleep at my buddy's house because he got tits kind of first, you know, and he was a bigger boy. But man, I'd sleep over there, dude. And my dude, I swear, man, my penis would get so hard, bro.

Not at him, but at the tits. And I would even put my hands like this because I wouldn't see the rest of his body. I would just see the breasts, you know, because I wasn't thinking about men. I was just thinking about tits, you know, them just flash bulbs of straight up, you know, them straight up leche duffels, you know, them beautiful bags. And that's and I would love that, man. And that's man, I would just get so keyed up and fired up. And I remember I get so erect sometimes as a child, I'd pass out. I'd be unconscious because I would get, you know, because I'm thick in that, you know, I got that. I'm that. I got that strong I'm that, I got that strong, you know, I got, um, I got, it's not really a baby arm. I got, it's like two baby's arms

and his legs and he's standing straight up with his arms and legs like that, you know, just in a straight line. I got that, I got that capacity. I got that cock-pacity. And so when that thing takes on the blood, when it does an all-call for that blood and that hemoglobin do, when everything rushes into daddy's, you know, into that big, into that ballast tank, the rest of me kind of sometimes will just faint. I used to get erect and faint a lot as a child, but I remember first breasts I ever saw on a beautiful, thick boy in my neighborhood and a friend of mine, he was. and i'll say this man that there's nothing wrong with that let's hear more man titty they've been there ever since you know man titty okay you got the man been there ever since i'm 27 now uh i've lost a lot of weight uh even in the

past in the past year i've lost 40 congratulations, man. I can't even imagine that. I can't even imagine the stick-to-itiveness it's taken to do that. So I hope you feel a lot of pride in yourself, man. I hope that people say to me a lot, Theo, you should take a moment and think of where you were before in certain aspects of your life. It can even be a couple weeks ago with an attitude and where you are now. But I hope you recognize that, man. It's a huge thing to lose 40 pounds and you must feel a lot of pride. Let's hear more. So the thing that was tough, man, is the self-esteem is low, man. I'm going to the beach next weekend with my family. The idea of taking my shirt off and being around the beach is terrible.

I've been to the beach before, man, and I've tried to make light of the situation. I've kind of told jokes about how it's okay for me to take my shirt off because I'm a male, even though I have titties bigger than half the females on the beach. I'm just. Ah, yeah, man.

Well, I'm kind of feeling a little bit sorry that I was making fun earlier, but I was telling you a story that kind of, I guess, correlated to maybe some of these. Those things might have, you know, kind of, I don't know if I hope that didn't bum you out at all because I really enjoyed seeing that on my friend. But, you know, I can imagine what it was like for him and now I'm kind of learning

that perspective. Let's hear some more. Just trying to figure out, man, like how can I embrace it was like for him, and now I'm kind of learning that perspective. Let's hear some more. Just trying to figure out, man, how can I embrace it? Surgery is an option, but it's about... Yeah, that surgery, I know it's about $5,000 to $7,500. And then you also have to wear special shirts and stuff after. $5,000, and then you have to take about two weeks off of work. All right, man. You know, I appreciate that call, man.

That's brave to call about that. You know, I mean, if you're nervous, you know, I'll say a couple of things. One, if you're nervous about the surgery, you know, obviously I'm sure you probably researched and talked to people and you can find other people that have had it. I have a friend, actually a comedian friend who was just telling me the other day that he had this same issue and then he ended up having the surgery. And then finally, after years, a lot of that inferiority and I don't know if that's shame but you know just that nervousness has gone away from him because obviously he's you know his body looks different now but that that ran real heavily with

him for a while um yeah man that's that's tough because you want to just have your shirt off and just be at the beach and feel free you know you want to maybe even get fully naked and have a damn turkey burger or a little Baby Julius burger. What is that thing called? A Sloppy Joe, not Baby Julius. What am I thinking of? What? And so you almost want to get fully naked and have a Sloppy Joe. I'm trying to think of, I wish there was a special shirt that was for a dope-ass man

that had some kind of little bit of light, you know, kind of thicker than that, you know, than Breasticles. You know, I wish they had a man like, you know, that could kind of, you know, like a man's ear, you know, just kind of something, you know, even if Under Armour made one or something. You know, so I don't know. I mean, I guess, oh, it's tough, dude, because I know that probably is tough for you. Yeah, I mean, for me personally, what would I do? I would probably wear some type of underarm or type of thing where I could still be athletic a little bit and get some sun. But I would still be able to take care of that part of me where I didn't. You know, if it's going to make you so self-conscious that you're not going to be able to enjoy yourself at all,

then maybe for now I would still, you know, maybe wear a shirt. Because here's the thing, you're going to the beach. You want to have fun. You don't want to not be able to enjoy yourself. So, you know, for now I would do what's, you know, what's going to make you feel okay and bring you the most joy. Now say you go full throttle. You know, when you got them A-coops out there, you got them lowercase A's out there.

Then I think have some fun. Have some fun. I mean, accept the fact that you're probably going to get some looks. Know that in advance. And then maybe have some fun with it. Now, here's a fun thing you could do. You could get one of those Tahitian type of things with the coconut bra things,

you know, like Fred Flintstone wears because that's something that's fun and it would still kind of, you know, cover up some of your nervousness. So maybe that's something fun that you could do. You know, but, you know, if it continues to bother you, I don't think there's any shame in getting a surgical procedure if you can afford it. I don't know how that works with insurance or anything like that. But you know what, man?

I want to know how that beach goes. And even if it doesn't go well, I want to know that if you wouldn't mind. I'd love to circle back with you and find out just kind of the truth. If you can take me through some more of that, you know, because I know that that kind of stuff is tough, man. When we feel our bodies are a certain way, man, I've always hated like the slope of my shoulders. Dude, I've got a dude ever since I was young.

It's a little better, a little different now, but I had a real DS booty. I had the same butt, buttocks and hips that a lot of down syndrome men and women had. And a lot of blacks booty i had the same butt buttocks and hips that a lot of down syndrome men and women had and a lot of black girls we had the same butt and so i'd always get all these wild jokes and you know i'd feel nervous everybody wanted me to twerk all the time and and i'm like you know so i feel you man it's tough it's tough when we live in this world that puts so much on how we look. And we're so self-aware, too. And then we have this, you know, something that really stands out. I mean, dude, I wish I could wear a brassiere over my nose sometimes.

You know, I got a, you know, I got a, my nose is kind of a C-cup. So I got that C-cup whiffer. But thanks for calling, man, and just for not feeling that stuff alone. If you go out to the beach, I hope you have a blast. No matter how you play it, I hope you have a blast, man. All right, let's get into another call here. Hey, this is Stevie from up in West Virginia. I had a question for you.

What is the biggest misconception that you've come across being from the South? Personally, I was at a Six Flags, and somebody was actually surprised to see that I owned a pair of shoes. So I was wondering what kind of weird stereotypes or misconceptions you've come across during the years? Well, that's a good one. Yeah, that somebody thought you didn't have shoes, then that's wild. The biggest misconception that I've had from the South, I think, is just that people think that you are just going to be racist. You know, because there's definitely a lot more race, there's a lot more racial environment growing up in the South. Definitely a lot more racist, a lot more racial environment growing up in the South.

And I find that there was a lot of just – I found it was more hatred when I was young just going both ways. You know, there was a lot of – and it was – you know, there was a lot of black kids that were extremely mean to white kids. And there was a lot of people and vice versa. You know, and I don't know when it started. I mean, I know historically when things started between those two races. But I think it was probably just the assumption that everybody's going to be racist. Or that people come to me and refer to me as redneck kind of stuff sometimes. And that makes me mad.

It makes me a little bit upset. I don't mind being rural. The other day, a girl referred to me as white trash. And that kind of made me mad. You know, kind of to me, like, you know, I've never dealt with the, you know, the N-word situation. But it felt like that's kind of, you know, so I don't know what that feels like, but it felt like kind of a dagger like that to me. Like them saying something that put me in a place that I couldn't escape from as far as they were concerned so that it made them feel like they were better than me. And that shit made me mad and I also say this though

that yeah, growing up in the south of you there's a lot more racial shit you grew up around dude, there's a lot more people saying all kinds of stuff everybody and even out in LA you hear low-key people saying racist stuff all the time

on both sides of the tracks both sides of the net both sides of the tracks. Both sides of the net. Both sides of the Roy G. Biv. Of the color palette. But that's one, probably. That I'm ignorant. I felt for years, as sad as it is, that I had to hide the fact that I wasn't ignorant. You know, I tried to pretend like I was.

You can even, you know, I had to use satire because I was afraid to even share any of my real feelings sometimes. So a lot of times I have to disguise or hide my thoughts and my ideas sometimes through satire because I'm afraid that they're not going to be accepted, you know, or that I'm not going to be heard. I don't know, man. I'm still learning a lot about this.

But that's a wild question. I appreciate you calling in, young lady. Let's take another call here. Here we go. What's up, dear, man? This is Adam from North Carolina. Man, I just want to tell you that I really enjoyed that episode with Stevie Starlight. Thanks, Adam.

Appreciate that. Yeah, Stevie Starlight was wild. He came in. He was 45 minutes late. I'll say that. I didn't say that, but he came in. He wanted to go have a cigarette break. Like, break from what, bro? You just got here 45 minutes late, daddy-o. Let's go.

You know? I'm paying a crew. What you think, daddy? You know, I know you've been out in orbit, Stevie Starlight, but look, we need you here in the galaxy. But we had a great time, man. It's never too late to come over. That's a beautiful song. I was so grateful that he came in.

We had fun, man. His girlfriend came and sat in here on the couch. It was neat to just talk to somebody who'd come out here to, you know, who'd come to Los Angeles with a dream and to hear what they thought and what he thought. All right, let's take another call right here. Oh, let's finish that call up. You guys did a phenomenal job, and he's a great guest, man. I'd really love to have him back if you can.

And also, I look forward to seeing you in Raleigh, North Carolina, man. I got my tickets and everything. Can't wait. See you, bro. Be good. Gang, gang, man. Yeah, I'll definitely see you in Raleigh. And I'll see everyone this weekend, June 15th and 16th, in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, at Yuck Yucks.

Then I'll be in Bakersfield, California the following weekend. Then the following weekend, I'll be in Stark County, Illinois, a fundraiser in my mother's hometown at the Paramount Theater. Then July 6th through 8th, the following weekend, I'll be at Levity Live in Oxnard, California. And then July 20th through 22nd, Charlie Good Nights in Raleigh, North Carolina. Some new dates added on. Toronto Just for Laughs Festival.

And that is September 20th through the 24th. Go get the pass. You got to go onto the Just for Laughs website. Go get the pass and pick the shows that I am on so you can come and see me perform. I promise I'm going to do my best while I'm there. I promise you I'm going to do my best. Also, we have Washington, D.C. has been added. That's November 30th through December 1st at the Comedy Loft.

November 9th and 10th, Salt Lake City. We're going to get over there. I'm really excited. And we're going to do some magic there at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. Other dates, there's some other cities. Go to theovon.com slash tour, T-O-U-R. What else, man? We'll go to a couple more calls here, man,

and then we'll probably, you know, we might try to get through this, but we have so many great calls. Let's go. Hey, what's up, Theo? This is Jay from Texas, man. I'm calling. What's up, Jay? Thank you for calling, brother. I wanted to get your thoughts on some things.

I'm actually, this past weekend, my dad passed away. Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that, man. You know, I don't know you or your father, but I know that that's a very real moment in somebody's life. This is a moment that is very thick and that will be a real hinge or can be a real hinge in your life for a long time on a lot of levels. I'm sorry to hear that, Brother. Homeward. And it was pretty much unexpected.

He was 58 much unexpected. He was 58 years old. He didn't take the best care of himself, you know, I didn't expect him to die of a mass heart attack at that age. You know, so I just don't know really where to go

from here. I'm the oldest in my family, so I'm the leader of the family. So I feel like I can know really where to go from here. I'm the oldest in my family, so I'm the leader of the family. So I feel like I can't really fuck off and do whatever I wanna do that's therapeutic for me. I feel like I gotta move to where my family is and kinda take care of them. My dad was the only person that supported me saying

I didn't want to have a normal job and those type of things. Now that he's gone, it seems like the whole world depends on me to take care of him. Okay. Thank you for sharing this stuff, this information here. You know, I'm gathering you're saying that your father, you know, he was one of the few people who, you know, kind of sided with you on, you know, you kind of live in this free, more freedom type of lifestyle doing what you wanted to do. And that now that just because that you're the oldest and that you have to be the leader, you're feeling. Now, is that a pressure that you're feeling to be the leader or is that a pressure that people are that you have to be the leader. You're feeling now, is that a pressure that you're feeling to be the leader? Or is that a pressure that people are putting on you to be the leader? Because look, just because you're the oldest, you would think, you know, that the oldest is going to be the leader.

But if people aren't asking you to, then that's a, then that's a role that you can assume if you want to, but that's going to come with, you know, you know, the leader that's short for leadership. So that's going to take a lot of effort. And, you know,

if it sounds like you in your life right now, just look, man, and I don't know, and I'm not telling you anything, but I'm just trying to gather things here that I'm hearing you say that you like to have a little bit more of a freedom lifestyle that your dad kind of supported that. Then, yeah, you would probably, I don't know what that means to you, but you probably have to make some adjustments and some changes. the leader or to say, you know, to take the reins or just because you're the oldest, then don't put that pressure on yourself if it's not a pressure that, you know, if it's just

a pressure that you're putting on yourself only to have a reaction to his passing. You know, sometimes people, you know, something tragic happens or something goes on and we will take anything almost as a blanket or as a shield or we'll create a new shell. And sometimes, I'd hate to see you create a shell like, oh, I need to be the leader now, a shell like, oh, I need to be the leader now, but it's too much, but I'm not going to do it. And then you end up in this spiral of not taking care of yourself, fighting against this definition, this new definition of you that no one even asked you to define yourself as. You know, I just hate to see you get in a wild circle there.

But it sounds like you are starting to think about some stuff. And I commend you there because that's probably going to be uncomfortable. You know, it's going to be uncomfortable. You know, there's something about when our parents are alive where we feel like they, that we still have this mulligan out in the world. You know, and then we still have this ability to error because they're still alive. You know, and then when that cloud is gone, then suddenly you're the one that's getting hit by the sun. The light is shining on you.

You know, when that cover of our parents is gone. And so this is a big moment where, yeah, you're, when that cover of our parents is gone. And so this is a big moment where, yeah, you're probably going to have more light shine on you and you're going to be the one looking at yourself. You know, it sounds like these are things that you might be asking yourself. Onward. If you have any advice, man, I'd appreciate it. It sounds like I'm smoking. I am smoking a big fat blunt.

So, you know, sometimes you just got to do it. Anyway. Damn, boy. You hitting that heater, boy. You hitting that six feet thunder, huh? Gang, gang, man. But look, you know, if your father just passed, you don't have to answer every question right away. So maybe hit that blunt and take a week off

and take it easy. But there's going to be a lot of emotions going on. And if you check out all the time and you just get high every time or you just do that, you might be escaping a great opportunity to really feel some feelings. You know, it's rare in life

that things really create huge feelings inside of us. And bro, that can be a fucking, you want to get high, dude? You want to take a ride, bro? Let your feelings get you, son. Let your feelings, dog. Blaze up a couple of grams of your own feelings

and feel that hitter, son. Get that hitter son get that hitter um all right let's take another call here here we go what's up theo what's up uh i i woke up this morning and my parents told me that um they were going out with another couple to to see an oldies band and um i'm in atlanta and uh they said the name of the band is the swinging medallions. You woke up. Your parents said they're going out of town. They're going to see a band.

Dude, your parents are swingers, bro. How many clues do you need, cat daddy? Cat daddy, cat daddy. How many clues do you need? Your parents are swingers, dude. They're going to meet up with another couple, the Daddy, Cat Daddy. How many clues do you need? Your parents are swingers, dude. They're going to meet up with another couple, the swinging medallions. They probably can't fuck at the house with their buddies. They can't do that buddy fucking because you're at the house.

Dude, you moved in. You're ruining the party, boy. Get a job, Daddy. Are you working at the library, son? Well, check yourself out of there and go get that job. Work for a bigger company. Go work for Chevrolet, Enron, Nabisco. Get out there.

So your parents can do that, straight up play Twister. They can bring a couple of spare dicks over to the house and play Twister, dude. Come on. Your parents trying to live a little. And you over there in the morning sharing off the same jug of milk as them. Come on, man. Get out there. And get that hitter of your own life.

Here we go. Hello there, Theo. My name's Javelin. I was wondering if... Javelin? Okay, dude. That that's a weapon that's your name that's a weapon brother but thank you for calling you from another country man and i appreciate that and um onward uh hello there theo um my name's javelin i was wanting to just call you a big fan of the show and um I was just wanting to throw out a topic out there. Throw out.

That's hilarious. And your name's Javelin, dude. That's like, because you have to, look, man, no offense. It's not, but that's like somebody saying, hey, my name is Baseball Bat, you know? My name is Nunchuk. You're like, Chuck? You're like, no, Nunchuk.

Bro, that is a weapon, dude. You got that crazy name. I bet you, you know, a lot of ladies like that. They like that fierce man. Onward, Javelin. I was just wanting to throw out a topic out there for you to discuss. I was just curious if you have ever put any thought towards reincarnation. Do you think there's a possibility for it? Would you like that?

Found out that that were true? Yeah, just various things in that area. Just sort of what your thoughts on the concept of there being reincarnation. Yep, I appreciate you asking about reincarnation, or re-en-car, as a lot of people call it for short. And I'll say this, reincarnation makes a lot of sense to me. And here's why. Because the only thing I know for a fact is that I exist here. I know that. I know I exist here. If you don't get into all the theories about, you know, simulation and all of that, whatever it is called,

whatever its singularity, if you don't get in all of that stuff, the only thing I know for sure is that I exist here, that I showed up on a ball of dirt and water in the middle of a vast expanse of darkness and that I exist here. So that's proof. I am living proof of that.

So reincarnation to me makes a lot of sense because all you're saying is that that would happen again. That when I die and zone out from here and disappear, that I would come back here or a place similar, I guess. That seems very possible because it's already happened to me one time, this time right now. So reincarnation, yeah.

So you're telling me what just happened to me could happen to me again? That is very believable because it just happened to me. That's like saying, hey, if I burn my hand on the stove, somebody's saying, hey, you know what? When you die, you could burn your hand on the stove again.

I'd be like, you know what? That sounds feasible. So reincarnation, man, gang, gang. I feel that all day. All right, let's get into this. We still have to assign a best or worst weekend for last month, and we do have our winner. Every month, you can hit the hotline,

985-664-9503, and tell us about your best weekend or your worst weekend. Try to keep it to 90 seconds or less. If you go over 90 seconds, you're going to disqualify yourself. And this is our winner for May. Let's hear it one more time. Here we go.

Hey, what's up, Theo? I'm a college student. I'm studying biology, and I've been supporting myself by working a third shift at a gas station kind of in the ghetto of the city my college is in. G-unit! And it's usually all right,

but last night about six guys came in, and they just bought a gas can and put, like, two gallons of gasoline in it. And they seemed really calm, real chill, nice guys when they left. Oh, yeah, dude. Six guys, one gallon of gas, bro. Woo! That sounds like a gay campout about to go down. You know what I'm saying?

That sounds like a real barn burner. And barn is this dude that we met a couple towns over and he's down the butt. Onward. They came back like two hours later just high as fuck. Probably on meth or free. Probably on gas, bro.

Six dudes, one gallon. That ain't much. If you playing huffs, come in. They're trying to return the gas can because it was like 12 bucks, but If you're playing huffs, come in. Hey, that's a blanket policy, baby. That's my policy, too. If you borrow a cup from me, you put gas in it? Nass yo cup. And that's scary. So they were like yelling at me and talking all at once and they were going to stab me if I didn't and cut my head off and shit.

And that's scary when six dudes all with gas on their breath are telling you that they're about to ISIS you up over a little bit of petrol. You know, I was a Marine out of high school, so I'm not afraid of any man, but, you know, six make me really concerned. but six make me really concerned. They ended up yelling at me for the gas can for a little bit more, and they bought like $400 of random gas station food shit, like a lot of lottery tickets, a fuck ton of them. They ended up leaving on their own, spent like $400 or $500 on them,

and then they left, told me I was a fuck, and that was my weekend. Man, you know what? Thanks for your service, bro. Thanks for your service station as well. Because that, you know, it's crazy. You've been through the Marines. And you still got to go through the boot camp of bullshit when six ignorant people show up. Man, I'll be dying.

People that bask in their own ignorance, sometimes it's too much. But thanks for calling, man. And guess what? You got that May hitter. So we will have our producer, Chris, will reach out to you and take care of you and send you this past weekend prize pack. We got that Correctional Center blue T-shirt, that TPW. The only way you can get it is by winning this monthly contest. So thank you so much.

And thank you again for your service, man. And be safe out there. And when I come to your city, man, I'm going to make sure that I get you some tickets to the show, dude. You and one friend who don't drink gas, bro. Unless y'all ride on 91 Octane. You know, I won't hang out with anybody. If y'all sipping on 89, stays away from daddy. But if y'all on that 91, sips it, let's go.

But thank you for calling, man. Thank you so much. And we have a submission for this month. Somebody hit the hotline, 985-664-9503 for June. And here is that submission for this past weekend for this month. Here we go. Hey, Theo. What's up?

This is Josh from Wisconsin. I was calling about this past weekend. I had a really good weekend. Started out on Friday. I took the day off, smoked ribs for the first time, which was an interesting experiment. Kind of dried them out a little bit, but I was kind of happy with that. Then Saturday, I got to go to the shooting range with my brother and my wife and his girlfriend and then after that got to go fishing with both my brothers and two of my nephews and

my wife and then also sang karaoke for the first time the main song i wanted to sing my buddy already sang so didn't want to do that and bite his shit. And then I defaulted to another one that I know really well, and they didn't have it. So I was really drunk, and I ended up picking a song by Mariah Carey called Touch My Body. And I was just, it did not go well at all, but it was a fun experience, man. Thank you for calling. That's a great submission for this past weekend. You went fishing, you went to a shooting range with your brother and your wife and didn't, and didn't kill either one of them. And these days that's a rarity and that is to be applauded. You know,

a lot of times if you get tickets for a cruise or a shooting range or something, and you're married or have a spouse, or you have a brother that you guys are in business together and the LLC wasn't formed correctly and shit like that. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you're riding home with an empty passenger seat, but it's nice to know that that's not occurring. And then you went out and got that karaoke. You got that Japanese music stylings.

And you got out there and you guys did it all. And you did the Mariah Carey, Touch My Body. And a man that goes shooting with his wife and can then finish off the evening singing Touch My Body. I mean, that sounds like a beautiful weekend to me. And you threw in the nieces and nephews there that you had fun as well. So that's a great submission for this month, for June, for this past weekend. So thank you very much. We'll keep that in. At the end of the month we'll pick a much. We'll keep that in at the end of the month. We'll pick a winner.

We have, we also have on the website, theovon.com slash tour. You can get tickets, theovon.com slash store. You can get merch, a lot of great new, get that hitter shirts. We got, yeah, we got all the new hitters, man. We got that ThoughtWilder shirt. A lot of stuff's out there. So get out there and get involved. Thank you guys so much. I'll be seeing you in Calgary this weekend. As well on the website, on the podcast link, you can submit video questions. So you can go there as well. And next week we'll start incorporating those.

We've gotten a few. And we'll incorporate those starting next week. I want to thank everybody again that came out there in Oklahoma, man. I had just good people. Good people came out and made me really feel a part of the environment there. And we had our first single mom. We had our first single mom's night out, and, man, we treated her well. And her name is Julie, and I'm going to do a follow-up with her this week. And we'll put that out.

But man, her and her friend came out. And they picked out their own table. And we did a couple of nice things for them. And so I want to thank you guys so much. And thank Patreon so much for just that support and making that happen. And we want to make that a reality. We'll do it again in probably another two weeks and see if we can't just do another trial run of getting that to become something that's going to be a regular part of being out on the road. And so I want to thank the people over at Patreon for helping make that special night a reality.

Man, it was cool. And we'll put a video up this week and some photos and some actual video footage that we got meeting Julie as well. Thank you, guys. You know, we just got to stay at it. You know, we might have a chip on our shoulder, but, you know, sometimes we got to keep at a certain point, man, that chip doesn't always serve us well. So we got to, you know, you got to put a little bit of sauce on that chip. You know, you got to fancy that thing up with the new things you learn and the new places we find ourselves. Because, man, that old anger chip, that thing doesn't serve me anymore.

You know, and sometimes I use it. Sometimes I use it when I'm by myself and I need to straighten my spine or I need to get out of bed or I need to stand up for myself. Sometimes I got to go back to that Rottweiler boy that was inside of me. Sometimes I got to go back to that kid that felt alone or felt unwanted or felt scared or felt disrespected or felt left behind or felt less than or felt poor or felt unappreciated or felt like he wasn't part of something. Or felt unloved or felt whatever it was that you felt or that I felt.

Sometimes you go back and you can draw from that. But if that's not our truth right now, then you got to put that on your back. That ain't a front pack. That's a backpack now. And you can use it to power you where you can. But we got to get out there and keep our mind open. You know, and keep our mind open. And keep thinking and keep moving forward.

And we'll find good things, man, that'll keep, you know, you'll find good things that'll pull you further along. You won't always have to use that, you know, that raw energy, that raw, that gritty, that raw, that gritty gunpowder that's in your system from whatever wronged you. You won't always have to use that to power yourself because there's a lot of good people out there. You're going to see that look in their eyes and you're going to know, okay, this is safe. This is another safe few feet or another safe relationship for me to go into or another safe friendship or another. And you're going to keep going. You're going to keep learning. And that's going to become your fuel. You know, each other, the good ones out there. And I'm not saying I'm a good one, but, but I'm not saying I'm not. So.

Hello. Love you guys, bro. Be good to yourself. You probably deserve it. oh and happy gay pride man i know it's gay pride week it has been um if uh i don't know how many of what percent we don't know. Fuck who's gay, who might be gay one day. You might be a gay grandparent. You don't know. Don't shun it now.

You know, I'm saying you might have a family and then you might meet a man or a lady down the road. You know, you might have late onset homosexuality. You never know. I'm saying I might fall in love with a man when I'm 60 or 70. You never know, baby. I mean, I'm just saying. You don't know what God has planned for you, boy. You just don't know.

Oh, okay. You know what? We almost went into Spencer Jacob Grau on the way out, and I'm going to let us do that. Because I didn't plan for that. That just happened. Gang. Celebrate living Celebrate misery You know that soon we're gonna die Let's have some fun while we all die.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, it's me. Easy deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

Charmaine. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is

tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.