This Past Weekend - Chirp Champ | This Past Weekend #264

Episode Date: March 3, 2020

Theo is back from the east coast to talk about his idea of heaven now compared to when he was young, his shows in New Jersey & Maryland, and his hobbies.   Upload Video Questions for Chris Distefano http://bit.ly/ChrisDistefano_Questions   Upload Video Questions for TJ Miller http://bit.ly/TJ_Miller_Questions   Theo is back from the east coast to talk about his idea of heaven now compared to when he was young, his shows in New Jersey & Maryland, and his hobbies.   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   New Merch https://theovonstore.com    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Betterhelp Visit https://Betterhelp.com/Theo to receive 10% off your first month ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Outro “Anything You Want” - Bishop Gunn   ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline [phone]   Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patreon Gunt Squad   Name Aaron Rasche Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Amy Love Andrew Valish Anthony Holcombe April Schultze Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Streit Brandon Woolsey Brian meek Chad Kleier Christopher Becking Christopher Burton Cody Anderson Cody Kenyon Crystal David Christopher Dentist the menace Dionne Enoch Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeremy Weiner Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Julie Ogden Justin Doerr Kevtron Kyle Baker Kyle McGreevy Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields LJ Logan Yakemchuk Madeline Matthews Matt Nichols Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Miles Sadler Mona McCune myinitialsareOKbutimnot Nicholas Leach Nick Roma Noah Bissell Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Raye Vella Ruben Prado Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Scott Turnbull Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Tanner Marvel Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

all right check check check we are we can hear it we can do it we got the vibe baby we got that vibe that attitude they used to call it attitude and I'll take them drinks right there got me a couple beautiful beverages right here coming in right now premature Nick showing up early with these bevs boy shout out Nick that Iggy is out you huh this guy's lost his mind this guy has lost his mind yeah I got me sorry a guy that had to give me a couple nice beverages right here and I got that green machine or something whatever they call it and I got the brown one too with the protein in it and I'm bevin so if you hear

somebody slither up and over here or somebody catching a dram or somebody just add another own human drip over here that's me that is me oh man I can't do when my heaven now my heaven used to be different my idea of heaven my idea of heaven used to be different and first let me just let you know where we are this past weekend and thank you guys for joining us here I'm Theo Vaughn and I'm part of this past weekend and when I was young that my heaven now when I was young heaven was different I thought oh you go to heaven the first thing I thought about honestly was the food I thought about the food because you know

if I'm going all of that way and I'm dying to even get into the joint they better have some entrees you fear me they better have a couple soup do yours and do mine baby we all better be having soup and that's the first thing I thought about when I was a child when I thought about heaven I thought oh man they can have all the different you know you have a breakfast item right here and you have a little over there you got an extra chocolate area if you want to run through there and get some chocolate or do that or whatever you know I just thought they have spare rib that kind of stuff I've never even had spare rib but

I'd heard about it and sometimes if you met like a rich man or something like that when you were young and you smelled his breath you might catch that hit a SR off that bad boy I'm talking about spare rib and you get that just oh okay I see what y'all doing at home y'all got a little bit of cash at the house but that's what I thought about heaven when I thought about heaven when I was a child my heaven had all kind of they had food they had a big table with food on it and then what else sorry they had a lot of clouds I remember my heaven it was a cloudy heaven like and not like I guess not like 70% chance of rain or

anything like that or it was overcast but fluffy that was my idea of heaven it was overcast but fluffy and kind of warm like probably clouds that were maybe you know 400 count or 200 count or at least 80 count dude I got some pillows at home that these bastards are probably about four count you can feel the the quills from the um I don't even know what animal it was it said it was goose but I bet it's I bet it's a little bit more of a warbler it seemed like they plucked about 2,000 warblers and through these it these feathers into them pillow but every you got a if you lay in one position then that quill comes out and

get you you got a turn it's like oh man right then no no no and finally you get in the right spot and with no quills and that's when you're like oh hell yeah come on boy now we living now we're living just laying in the Lord's lap baby when you get that nice comfortable pillow I can't believe people don't have pillows installed around our head or neck people get tattoos all the time oh that's that ain't comfortable you just you see somebody with a tattoo it's nice it's artistic it's drawing but it isn't uh you know it's not it's not comfortable if I saw somebody got a pillow so sewn into the back of their head come on boy

I'd be right look I would understand it I say oh yeah I see what you're doing there that was you just got that big just that that way anyway somebody even if you fall down you had that nothing stay down you trip over something stay down you get now you're napping there's definitely a beauty I think of uh you know I think there's just gonna be new things we're gonna start doing in the future that we're not doing yet where we're taking care you know you know sew a pillow to your head or you know add maybe some piping or something on the outside of our knees and legs to give us more sturdy because people aren't that

sturdy run and push someone I bet you they fall over nine out of ten times if you run and push somebody that batch is going down but then change your game up change your vibe up if they if they got you know a couple of pieces of PVC pipe hooked on each leg baby who knows what could happen it might take you a half hour to really bring them down to the ground so anyway just kind of but but what was your idea of heaven when you were young you know what was it and what is it now that's what I think now my idea of heaven no emails no emails no smartphones just dumb phones remember the dumb phone do you remember the dumb

phone you had to go over to it it was making a loud noise you had to pick it up and somebody would ask they got to ask for one person no and you could lie to him buddy a lot so easily you could check even if you were Randy you could be like Randy ain't here are you got the wrong number we don't even have a random round there let me see if Randy is here Randy nope he ain't here remember that man with the dumb phone you could anything the dumb phone it also if you if you answered you didn't want to talk somebody you could wrap the cord it had a cord you could wrap the cord around your neck

TYOL bro take your own life right there do you like dang man what happened to Burt you be like well somebody called he couldn't handle it and now he's in heaven but yeah that's my heaven no email dumb phones only and what else still food and I'm thinking now more nachos more chicken piccata maybe where else what else would I have definitely still the desserts but more of like I would go with a coconut when I was young it could be anything just sugar it could be a table full of sugar I don't even care just let me stick my head in it for about 19 seconds you know I don't even care I don't even I don't care if they just put

a bunch of laughy taffy under my tongue and punch me right in the mouth you know when you're young you get you don't care but now when I'm older I want my heaven to be a little bit more I don't know I guess I just want different things in it I want you know I definitely want a lot I want a lot of people there and but honestly dude if somebody's real chatty you could DH number up put them in a different heaven because I ain't when I go to heaven dude I ain't doing a ton of listening guy okay I want a quiet heaven so if y'all want to get a different heaven if they got kind of a more urban heaven or something y'all can do that but

my I'm staying in that low just kind of mild maybe a breeze the loudest thing is a breeze you know maybe a breeze that could sing so it's just kind of lonely teardrops you know a breeze that kind of just had could also you know you got that yeah the branches green beside me like I don't don't want anything real loud in my heaven but we'll see man and I want the joy there too I want everything to be joyous I probably won't even be able to judge when I'm in heaven now there won't be as much judgment gosh that would be nice to have less judgment

imagine somebody's just imagine that that would be really just the biggest piece in my in my whole heart and brain if there was less judgment inside of me because if you crack me open dude you got about a thousand Judy's fallout brah because I'm judge meant I'm judgment brah I'm dude if you saw me at a flavor for ice cream I'm judgment chocolate chip papa I just it's hard not to judge sometime you know it's hard but but also the judgment of me allowed me to be able to do stand-up comedy and do comedies so there's you know it's that's double-sword man but but yeah what was your heaven like now do you have a

different heaven and now I think more there is when you're a kid a heaven is just they got animals there but you could pet them more I think they have alligators but they're not dangerous you might see an alligator and he's you know if you ask him if he's ever eaten like human he would he would tell you but he would he wouldn't just tell you in front of everybody he would kind of whisper to you later kind of write it on a you know maybe on them on a napkin or something or something give it slip it to you say yeah I've had a little bit of you know you know I'm saying I've had a couple vets by the river you feel me I've

had a couple a couple bad bitches came down by the water and I was on crap but I think you know it's just different now because what am I talking about but I don't know but yeah if you have it what was your head did you have a different heaven when you were young as to what your heaven idea is now you know now my heaven has more like loved ones in it it's not just about what I want it's more I think about a little bit of you know there's other people I want to make sure everybody you know gets in you know it's like I don't know anyway if you ever thought on what your heaven was like as a child maybe if you had an idea of heaven

and if what it's like now and some people you don't believe in heaven that's fine you out here working just kind of milling around baby that's it doesn't sound fun to me I like more of like a you know that's I'm a romantic you know I'm a romantic so but what else just got off the road man I'm tired and I am tired and sometimes I pretend I'm not tired dog I'm tired I'm tired I could use somebody to just stitch a real big-ass pillow to the back of my head son that'd be nice wouldn't it but I think we'll see that as the future goes along we'll see more accoutrements that are built on to us to help us live

through the daily day because it's amazing we still have to wear like a SPF to fight the Sun you would think that they would have some sort of an enzyme or something we could just put right into us an injectable or even a like a spare layer of skin that we could just kind of roll on you know or dip ourselves in once a year like what'd you get for Christmas oh I got dipped you know so okay so no sunblock for you you could just do whatever you want yeah you know you know but then all the ladies will be like they only want to date guys that have been dipped and they don't want to see some poor guy just rubbing you know

doing it the old way just laying that just that human drywall cream that SPF you know it'll be different I don't know what I'm talking about but I never have boy gang thank everybody that came out this weekend we had a great time traveling over there on the eastern side and and where did we go we went to oxen hill no we went to Red Bank New Jersey yeah we went over there Red Bank New Jersey and that show had originally been over over for Sayersville where people say stuff and and that you know and that's what they do but this at Red Bank was it was good man we came out with that hot hit right out the gate and we

had we had a young fella brought out a single mom Maria we brought her out I'm gonna do some do something nice for her so that was really great what else I had a friend of mine Brittany brought out her fiance and her whole family and they came out and she brought her mother out and you know just some good Jersey people lot of you know a little bit of cheetah print some perfume bro you know kind of stuff make you really made me feel real V-Rile you you know make you feel real V-Rile bro make a lot of your blood kind of crawl in here you know in your extremities brah you know what I'm saying so just really nice it was nice a lot

of just great people want to thank everybody that came to that show that was that hard hitter and and do it if in the winter if you go through like when you're driving along through like New Jersey and all of that a lot of the woods and stuff there's a lot of factories and woods so you can see a factory like oh what are they making in a guy's like oh that we make socks over there that's a sock plant like damn yelling they're making a sock that's crazy because you see these guys they're all tough and sweaty and this and that like oh what's going on you know nothing but then you find out they're

making socks it kind of like damn what y'all doing there you know but you know much respect man a lot of sock makers out there that's it's you know it's not anybody could do it I guess but yeah you see you know different they got smoke coming out and all they got a lot of plants they got petroleum over there they got guys making salve and making um you know what else what other plant did we find somebody that worked at a jam factory making jams and jealous I say damn bro and this dude was so skinny to the guy I met he working over there for smucker or whatever or some bootleg jam company you know some off-brand jam you

know shiny's jam you know or spark is jelly you know or roe bears sweet spread you know some guy working over there some halfway house jam outfit where they probably got you know 12-step meetings in the evening but yeah you know they just had different factories and people came out so a lot of beautiful good people came over there to Red Bank and actually we had a call that came in about it let me hear that here we go gang hey Theo this is on a gas from Minneapolis what's up or a gas and that's all that is a very special name or a gas it sounds like something out of the the Greek you know or a gas you

know we used to have to go he lived on the mountain and we had to go up there to get a bag of lightning from him or something or get a couple grams of olives or whatever you know what I'm talking about fables fable re let's hear more or gas thank you for calling in Minneapolis I don't know if you've been in Minneapolis man but it's a good place a lot of fish out there a lot of lakes and it used to be a big lake but it dried up so now they have a bunch of tons of little lakes so you have a lot of fish that got displaced from their families because they were swimming over here looking for something and then the

late things dried up and now you know I'm saying they'll never see their grandfather so if you put your ear up to the water of a you can really hear a lot of the it's almost like a swan you know you can hear a little bit of the sadness of just kind of what's occurred there amongst those those water critters let's hear more brother onward I saw your February 27th show in Red Bank New Jersey with my best friend he and I made an agreement a long time ago that we would see our favorite comedian together if one of them ever had a show near one of us okay so that's a unique agreement to a lot of men don't make an

agreement like that I don't think if we're gonna see a we would see a show if he was near us and we would see a show if he came near us let's hear it after a lot of grinding we were finally financially stable enough to do that so I flew out to meet him in the flesh for the second time and to see a show I loved every second of that shit wait hold on me here one part again you met him in the flesh for the second time so you met him in the flesh for the second time this your best friend you said buddy so dang what dude so I'm thinking how do you if you don't I mean I guess yeah you can have a best friend you don't know you

know you could have a best friend you don't know that's a unique way to do it that's a special you know that's like almost like I guess it's like believing in ghosts or something hey you got to meet my friend Todd I haven't met him but that don't mean shit you feel me I guess you could do that hey you got to meet Gary bruh I don't know him but no man I'm glad you guys were able to piece this together and I'm glad I could be that glue I'm glad it could be that secret sauce that brings a couple of mystery bad boys together the flesh for the second time and to see a show I loved every second of that shit we sat third row

and last the whole time and we definitely enjoyed that fake-ass booty who's sick loved it but thank you for an amazing night out with a friend and thank you for all the dark holes your soft voice and magical man whoa daddy thank you brother thank you thank you for calling and this sounds like a um you know this sounds real homoerotic brother to be honest with you at the end and I'm not really I'm not judging you but I'm definitely saying that it's super obvious if you're not a gay man then you're surprised you're probably surprising a lot of people because people put a lot of people probably think

you are that you love men and you are a man which is fine man you know I don't even think I mean a lot of women are making it you know it's damn bro this your best friend dude it sounds like yellow lovers bro buddy it sounds like you guys are sexual men and that's you know that's something it's a way it's hey look there's more than two ways to frickin filet of Falcon you feel me so if you had to get if you get out there with another man especially in many apolis it's cold out there sometimes it gets so cold your eyes freeze you don't know who you who you're fucking you might be fucking somebody for a couple

months and then your eyes thaw out and you're like damn what's going on Christopher so but I'm glad you guys were able to make it buddy I'm glad y'all able to make it boy that's important and I'm gonna look honestly dude if two men want to meet up and fuck after my show dude they can do it they can do it you know y'all want to do that y'all want to be wild and stuff like that and cut the lamps off or maybe leave one lamp on so you can still see some of that ass meat bro then do what you got to do bud do what you got to do Bradley do what you got to do Ernesto you know I don't care do what you got to do y'all want to do

that do it do it do it do it do it so have fun man I'm glad you guys had a good time I'm glad you guys had a good time man amen brother praise God alright man let's hit one more call that came in what's up Derek over there out of Richmond and Richmond is a lot of presidents buried there more presidents buried in Richmond than anywhere else in America over there at the Hollywood cemetery I believe and I went there one time actually probably seven years ago or something with a comedian and he was an herb urban fella and he got a bit by a dog there on the property so let's hear more I'm leaving DC right now just

saw you at the MGM last night and man oh okay let's hear more it was such a great show so much fun my girlfriend got me the tickets for Christmas and I've just been looking forward to it all weekend and you killed it dude it was so much so much fun I laughed the whole entire time my girlfriend was laughing the whole time even afterwards went in there to take a piss and me and all these random dudes are just you know holding our dicks and pissing in some porcelain and just talking about how great the show is and how much we love you so just keep it up man everything you're doing is great dang man what is

going on man I think our audience is changing I got yeah well yes yes yes yes yes man thank you so much for coming out dude and look I to be honest man that the MGM show was tough you know the security at the venue was lackluster I felt like one of the security guard people were hinting me messages later said that he was asleep by the stage so you know it was a big just a you know there was just a lot of I mean this guy was just a lot of running backs you know a lot of skill position players and this guy this just bad security man so that was a and it was Ari's least favorite show the opener Ari Manis he said of all

the places we've ever been that was his least favorite or not least favorite show but least favorite experience but um but yeah I just felt back because of the people at the front were so loud there was some guy who was a complete alcoholic that really wrecked a lot of the show this real selfish dude up by the front honestly and I know I'm kind of you know but fuck that dude also you know like kind of like maybe I should but also fuck the guy because he's just yelling shit the whole time you know he it wasn't about me he was making it about him and and that was just a tough one for me man but and it was just the

venue it was so loud if and there was some some guy in the front dressed like the Wolf of Wall Street like the no like American like Christian Bales in what is it it's not tuck everlasting what is that movie he was in where he throws a liquor on the lady in the bathtub and he's a murderer American American gangster no what is that American something but yeah I just they had two extremely drunk women in the frame it was just it was what it was look man it was what it was that's what it was but what's important is I felt like everybody in the back had a blast and the people right in the front it

was really hard for them to stay involved but yeah man look we I gave him all on that show I broke out everything I had I gave him all I was fighting to keep it up but it's just tough sometimes at the venue when you got a police the crowd so much and you then you can't focus on your on doing that on being entertaining and but I'm glad you had fun man I'm glad you and them fellas was in there holding y'all's meat and I'm just talking about me I guess man then this uh this episode we really maybe everybody's gay bro you know maybe everybody's gay dude I don't know man but and look I think it's best to like

Minneapolis if it gets cold enough man that's not gay really that's how cold is it if it's two degrees and Steven and Wallace suddenly or having sex are they gay men are they doing their best because it's cold you know I'm saying you have to everything comes into account but that was very sweet of your girl to get you this tickets and I'm glad that you had a great time man I had a great time I just always I wanted to be the best and and it just the staff at the venue that just wasn't honestly I thought they did a shitty job I didn't think they did their job so gang shit bro all right we got a patreon question came in

right here but first let me tell you about better help this episode is brought to you by better help better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist you can start communicating in under 24 hours it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it is professional counseling done securely online and sometimes we all need help you know we all need help sometimes you know it's funny my mother texted me the other day and she said that's what she just kind of say what she we've been having a conversation about stuff and she said we you know we all need help sometimes and

man it just really that really resonated with me we really do and better help is an opportunity if you don't have therapy or counseling in your area or you afraid to go see one you think it's lame you think it's gay bro you think it's this or that then this is an option it's online it's on the phone it's over FaceTime it's not a crisis line it's professional counseling you can log in your account anytime and send a message to your counselor it's available worldwide it's committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed better help once you to start

living a happier life today visit betterhelp.com slash Theo that's better H-E-L-P and join the over half of million people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional special offer for this past weekend listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Theo and this episode is brought to you by better help oh yeah yeah we all need help sometimes I think it's easier to get help but it's hard to like it to say to say it almost sometimes it's hard to say I need help you know there's a story about they had this man Ronald Oxner I think was his name and there's

a hospital down in New Orleans called Oxner and they spell it some way that it's impossible that you would ever know how to pronounce it unless somebody told you but then that's vintage Louisiana you know I'm saying that's why Louisiana is so special because if you want to know something about it some of the words and this and that are so confusing you got to hear it firsthand from somebody and that's what makes it a community effort that's what gives it that vibe is there's so much mystery hidden in the way that they put the wording together that you have to have somebody explain it to you or somebody

to be there to help you experience it and that's what gives it its core really of connection and tourism and stuff like that that you find there Louisiana but this man Ron Oxner he was a doctor famous doctor like if you saw somebody that was doing well they're like why man how are you doing so well they say well I went to see him Ron Oxner and he started a hospital and he was like the smartest doctor he was like the smartest doctor around and one day he was at a convention and they were serving they had London broil as the premier meet at the thought at the function luncheon function luncheon the luncheon and he was

choking he started choking on it he started choking on a piece of that broil you know just that hot just a hot tri tip was just really really trying him and and he went in the bathroom and choked to death at a convention of doctors because he was too embarrassed to check in and see what was up he was too embarrassed to just say to somebody else so we died in the bathroom choked to death but just a reminder that yeah sometimes we need help and sometimes the hardest part is to ask for it like if somebody would have walked in on him and seen him struggling he said yeah I need help but to go out and present

yourself as something that is not that's imperfect or that isn't perfect you know that's the that's really the that's one of the real toughest points is just that just surrendering you're saying yes help me you know I can't I need air I need this I need love I need peace I need vision I can't see from my side I can't whatever I'm seeing isn't clear something's wrong I need help but anyway that's what's going on we got a patreon question from Joey P Mont and I know he does hangover candle company and they've supplied us with so many candles and want to say thank you Joey for those beautiful and he said Theo you stay so

busy and give us so much content when is there a bit of extra time just for yourself do you have any hobbies well honestly I wasn't even gonna do this episode today I was going to just chill and we came in because we didn't we didn't we didn't need it for ads because we have a guest episode this week with uh Krista Stefano tomorrow and TJ Miller coming up so if you have any questions for those guys hit the hotline or send us a video through the website a video question or you can hit up real Nick Davis on Instagram and ask him how to send a video question for either one of those guys you know what

I just started doing I started reading more I'm gonna try to focus more on my AA program now that I have now that a lot of the big touring is over I started playing chess the other day on my computer actually not the other day me about two weeks ago and I like it it's just me against the computer and it's just regular level but I like it you know I like just I want my brain to think about other stuff then then work and so those are things that I'm doing you know I'm going to Maui this weekend to do a show and then I'm gonna relax and work on meditation and go to some AA meetings and uh yeah I just sometimes it's like

you get you and I don't think of it as giving myself but you yeah there's so much output that I don't even know what's going on inside of myself sometimes so I want to do some kind of just human accounting and balance the books inside of myself a little and I hope to focus on a little bit of that more as the future comes along soon now another question we have here Michelle Mildred from Patreon said do you have bougie requests for snacks or decor in your green room if not if you could have a dream green room set up what would be in there like if you were an insanely big rock band like the Stones are like Chris Delea what

would you require to be in there before you go to your green room money is no object well I don't know if I would hear I well Chris Delea that probably it's easy for him to have whatever he wants in his green room because he was born in a green room if you don't know that about him when he was born there was everything there snacks oh little pictures of milk and different types of milk you know oh you want some cut of cheeses oh use a newborn who cares here's half a handful of brie because that's how Chris when he came into the world somebody said he came out of a couple of vaginas that's

how we you know because then fancy boys that's how they present them to the world they come out of one vagina and then another one another one it's this big and then another vagina says a trumpet in it and it's just playing a trumpet but you know me boy I had a freaking elbow crawl dude I had elbow crawl and that was it brother had half a Winston on the way out of my mother son that's how I came out there wasn't in the way nobody there wasn't even a doctor out there my mom was at work when I was born she said well going home I'll meet you home I'll meet you home and what she said pick up something if you want stop by the pop

eyes getting a fight with a big sister if you know if you need whatever you need get a two-piece and getting a fight with somebody get your arms stuck in somebody's weave do what you got to do fam I said so I learned to walk out of necessity but yeah in different green rooms different things I have simple stuff in mind I have something a little bit of berries in there raspberry or blueberry or blackberry and I have some sliced turkey on a plate that's what I like and coffee but I think I might be allergic to coffee so I've been having a back off of that but that's it those are the things that I have oh yeah I wasn't

gonna do this episode but honest I'm not even joking the reason I did was because this is what we do you know sometimes we don't want to show up and we show up you know sometimes we don't want to show up but we show up and I honestly I feel better now than when I was uncertain if I wanted to or not to do the episode let's take a call off of this one here we go the hotline is always 985-664-9503 yo what up Theo it's the boy Bubba from Orange County Bubba from the OC huh hmm and we used to have a fellow bus growing up named Bubbie Jenkins and his brother drove a bush light truck and Bubbie was real he

had a real he was real edgy he was real edgy as a child we're all edgy in our in our neighborhood I mean I'm surprised if you'd have tested our neighborhood for a cliff or a steep embankment or drop-off nearby we'd have tested positive because we was on edge baby we was edgy and Bubbie had a low basketball goal by his house when we go there and dunk on it and we were dunk on each other and then everybody would just end up beating the shit out of each other just cuz you know fouls and everything and just being poor but anyway what you got playboy Bubba I'm just wondering what are your thoughts on

this virus bro you think it's coming for you you got you doing any precautions take care of yourself I just want to know what you got that corona virus been COVID-19 well I don't know if you guys know or not but the primate center that I grew up around in Covington, Louisiana and why you know they had us out there wrangling chimps and when I was probably I don't even know just I don't even know how tall I was maybe titty high on a middle-aged woman you know top of the titty but you know they gave that same center where monkeys escaped in my hometown growing up they gave them 40 million dollars to fight this

virus or to try and cure it dude I'm telling you this man in my town bro they ain't curing shit man you know what I'm saying no doubt I'm not saying but look they got a Popeye's four blocks from the freaking primate center they ain't nobody's curing shit around there I'm not saying they're not doing a decent job or this or that or they're not gonna test and do the test and stuff but look if you come down by the Chifuncta River and you expect us to solve that all save the world we're not doing that we don't do that we want the monkeys to have a little fun we want everybody to flare up a little we're

doing Mardi Gras we doing recipes we ain't saw we ain't doing all of the bullshit saving everybody that's not us somebody has to go somebody has to go to heaven somebody has to go to hell we do we I grew up in this in the stray animal belt I grew up in the in a area where the number one currency is is anecdotes and stories and memories you know that's that's the vibe of Louisiana it's about the it's about the fun and about the the mystery and so that's what you get around us so you come down and you can pump 200 billion you could put a billion dollars in 200 billion baby or one billion and look I'm telling you be

better off just buying you a dozen of fresh oyster with a little bit of a bread-putting dessert and calling it a wrap son and save your monkey and save you money too but what do I think about the coronavirus here's what I think I think I think we'll never know right now how real things are how real things aren't I don't believe you could trust I do not believe you could trust news out of China I do not believe that you could trust mainstream media to to tell you anything that doesn't have some other side of it for them or you know they want they want to scare us because they can sell ads they keep us glued to their

television you know I think it's always a good idea to take care of yourself you know it seems like it sounds like the cold it sounds like the flu and it doesn't seem like statistically compared to bigger does compared to other diseases so that it's really doing anything you know you could dive anything now and you could just say it's current I mean it's it sounds like the vaguest shit I've ever heard but it just sounds real popularized you know it's like it there's always been you know swine flu there was SARS remember all of this nobody nothing nobody ever none of that shit did anything nobody knows

anybody that died from SARS what no some people thought it was a test one guy took it now he's an attorney out there outside of Folsom over there and Livingston Paris Louisiana so this hit or miss but this is a miss I think for me I just don't now do I think that I think it's a perfect I think this is a perfect example for us to see the power of the media and how much they can scare people and we're just at a time now where people don't believe the news anymore rightfully so and they shouldn't and it's a great time to take care of yourself and take care of your own and trust your instincts you know the number one news

source that most of us have I think is our instincts mom and sometimes it's hard to read them but but that's okay if something bad if you get them wrong you get the instincts wrong you read them wrong you mess up then that's why you got to be a good person because then you go to heaven baby and then they got what you want up there they got the snack table baby they got unlimited videos they got it all okay let's take another call that came in right here 985-664-9503 hey Theo this is Johnny from Rhode Island I had a quick question for you feel a little weird about this one but whatever so I'm 26

years old my cousin's 21 years old in college and I'm not gonna lie she's pretty good-looking girl she's been posting pictures on Instagram you know I haven't really seen her that much since she's gotten older and oh if you've never even seen her then she could be her best friend dude according our previous caller onward and she looks pretty good her family's got a beach house right near my father's and you know she invited me to come with her friends out to the beach this summer and hang out with them is it weird if I go should I bring some of my friends I mean I don't want to be staring at her

I don't want to do something stupid if we get you know a little drunk or whatever so now tell me what what I should do should I hook my friends up I don't know you know but well I could tell since it was the last thing you offered it the last suggestion you have is to hook your friends up so I know you taking that off the table look I think you love your cousin I think you're attracted to her I think yeah I don't even know if it if it's illegal anymore to be in love with your cousin is it illegal hold on hold on Johnny sexual relations between first cousins are illegal in Mississippi I know Johnny right now sorry what's your name

Johnny let me make sure Johnny me here hey Theo this is the Johnny from Rhode Island yeah Johnny yeah Johnny I know right now you are hoping that your state doesn't come up on this list sexual relations between first cousins are illegal in Mississippi thank God Kentucky mm-hmm Texas Wisconsin North Dakota South Dakota and Nevada they're unregulated but generally frowned upon in all other states generally frowned upon so that could be anything Washington DC and territories those are other places where they're unregulated but generally frowned upon look man you know love is love man you know the guy

called from after Oxon Hill show DC and he's holding his wiener in there with other men and they enjoyed the show that's less some cup that's some type of love dude it's not you know it's the other guy never even met the dude they came up together and you know and they met for the second time or whatever their best friends or whatever and they are obviously lovers and gay men but that's love man so if you want to here's the thing you don't you what you don't want to do is seem like a pervert you don't want to go out there and be perving out on your cousin if she's not returning the vibe bro that's a no because

that's your cousin that's your real cousin you're gonna have to see her at future events and shit you can't pop a couple Molly and roll over there to the family reunion and shit man you can't or do you want to be that dope ass cousin years from now that tried to hook up with the hot cousin in the family I would just say I would I would look at the future five years from now say you're at a family reunion what does this look like if I do it now and take the vibe from her do spend the bottle with her and her friends see if they make it so there's no chance like okay you know Larissa can't spend if John yeah or

something if she does that you know you got a y'all got to think outside the box dude because if you think inside the box too much you could have a baby that has you know too much legs so you got to stay classy brother but at the same time if somebody gets divorced y'all might not even be cousins anymore so you also need to you know love is love brother love is love but so I would go to the beach I would bring a friend but there's nothing wrong with lusting after a cousin there's nothing wrong with that it's just how you proceed through it that's where it things could get unique I used to date a girl and her cousin was

into her now that I think about it her male cousin she had a cousin a male cousin who loved her who was into her and who we try hitting on her and she thought it was so fucked up she just always thought it was kind of weird they're still friends they're still good buddies and cousins but she always thought it was a little strange so anyway that's just like a little view from the other side of the tracks what else we got here that came through oh well we'll get we get last week we talked about was there ever anything in your life that you let go of that you wish you hadn't and people hit the hotline with a couple of

thoughts on that and let's get to those right now what's up Jack from NC and North Carolina is a it's quite a real secretive and unique area and people love it there you know people always talking about the outer banks and the inner banks and you know Wells Fargo all of the shit over there people love it gang just watch hip and practice to hit the hotline if you had something good and you just gave it away like dude I remember back in high school I do like I was able to really it seemed like get any girlfriend I want yeah can't imagine what that's like but you know

everybody has a time in their life where they're a champ you either get that champ early you get that champ late but everybody has that time to be that chit that chirpin champ we all get it there's some there's some moment in the war and here's the thing if you chirp early you don't chirp late sometimes you know but everybody has that everybody has that chance to be a chirpin champ let's hear more had a lot of good girls and dude I would always just give them up I'd always break up with them because I always just wanted another one like I wanted a better looking winner I wanted a funnier one and like you know I've

really struggled to even like get in a relationship nowadays I'm 26 years old been a while since I have like an actual girlfriend and I don't know man yeah I just think it's kind of funny it's like I don't know what part of me is always just like doesn't want to accept this good thing and like always think there's something better you know shit maybe there is maybe there is a reason you know I let them go and and maybe something good gonna come down the line but nonetheless it is just kind of a interesting part of my ego as well anyways appreciate you dude I'll see you later gang bro and thank you for the call

man yeah it's you know we always can be kind of hedging our bets saying or not head or unhedging them you know we always saying okay well this situation is good but I'm willing to put I'm really gonna set it to the side and see if another one comes you know and then I think sometimes another one might not come I mean you sound young enough and I mean you are young and you're 26 you said but you sound wise enough and aware enough where at least you kind of see what's going on and you you know at least you you're yourself aware you know so you're gonna it's gonna fit it's gonna work out fine for you brother

because you know now you've you're calibrated and you'll know okay you'll know when what's right is right comes next but yeah it's interesting how there's a part of us that's always like okay maybe there's something better maybe there's something different you know there's always something different maybe there's something better why we're not happy why we're or maybe why we are happy but we just we want to roll the dice yeah it's a there's a great value in being able to say I am happy and and to not have that it let temptation get you that's one of the worst things about

social media it's just this is always temptation there's always advertising can reach us there's always something telling us that we could be different or better there's always some chick running by in a bikini with you know size 11 titties over there and big and small feet you're like damn but you don't see the aftermath when she goes and sits out in her brother's truck or whatever and she's shooting up or she's you know vomiting out the back of a van or something so she could take do you know because she's all you know you know twerked out on bang energy drinking hasn't eaten in a

month we don't see the full role it's that temptation but yet to recognize when we're really happy inside of ourselves there's a real value in that but you have so you have you have other good opportunities come along me sound like a wise young fella and thank you for sharing that experience yeah because it's interesting it's like we you know I've asked God for things in my life and then he gives them to me or the powers in the world give them to me and I have them and then as soon as I kind of have my say well maybe I'll go back to the poker table one more time you know and whatever that little battle is right

there that's man there's something that's real strong is powerful to be able to say man I'm I'm grateful for what is this is and I'm gonna take care of this gift that I have and I know with dating and stuff I'm kind of generalizing it you know but and dating is just kind of specific you know it's a specific thing but yes you know that's the gambler man that's the gambler yeah Hi Theo my name is Jennifer and I just heard your podcast about how sometimes it's difficult to figure out we have something really good and how our ego can sometimes get in the way and I wanted to share my story and especially

because I'm older I'm in my early 50s and this happened when I was in my early 20s and thank you for calling Jennifer and yeah let's hear about it so I wanted it to be a little cautionary tale for the young folks that listened to your podcast I was dating a really wonderful man he was my first love but he didn't make a lot of money he was a lifeguard I met a guy who oh yeah and you really named one of the jobs probably the lowest money-making job that there really is almost besides somebody just walking around looking for money and the second one is just probably lifeguard let's hear more thank you for the call who was

an investment banker and made a lot of money spent a lot of money on me and so long story short I dumped the lifeguard thinking oh I've got it made with this guy the new guy and he turned out to be a major douchebag by surprise and when I went calling back to the lifeguard he was already dating a professional volleyball player and his attitude toward me was pretty much talk to the hand and to this day I regret having done that so just FYI if you have somebody good don't be so sure that you've got a million more chances to meet better and better people because that doesn't happen too often and in my case I never found anyone I

like as much as the lifeguard guy so I feel love you I love your podcast big hugs gang thank you I love you too and I appreciate that I appreciate you sharing that anecdote from your life yes yeah I mean you know they say you don't know how something good something is till it's gone and but yeah it's just so like we get gifts you know sometimes and sometimes they're people and sometimes they're things and sometimes their experiences and but I think the people one is most important you know when you get that gift of being able to know someone or or have that time have someone's time have someone care about

you and it's nice you get to care about somebody that's one thing that I've really started to learn in the past years in my life is just how much I really enjoy caring about someone else it's nice I mean it's really nice to just have somebody to care about you know make sure that somebody is taking care of make sure that somebody is warm and comfortable and make sure that somebody is not scared you know make sure that somebody is just make sure that somebody is loved you know make sure that it's nice because when you when you have somebody in and you get to do those things for somebody and they accept them

and they and and they give them back to you that's a real that they don't advertise that man you know that's something that comes from the inside of us that they the only advertise the only time you know when that's really right is when you get that in that that inner advertising when your heart tells you yeah this is something there's something real over here but thank you for sharing your tales and you thank you for sharing your thoughts and thank you guys just for thank you guys for everybody that came out this weekend man we and we finished it up in Virginia Beach and over oh no in Newport News or bad news

they call it and but it was good news on that night and so many just I met so many people wonderful people before the show after the show I tried to meet as many people as I could and if I didn't get to meet you then I'll meet you next time and those were the makeup shows those are the last of the makeup shows except for Brea which I'll get to sometime this year that I'm just gonna go over there and work on new material a little later in the year or in the summer or something but but thanks for sticking with me thanks for being a part of the dark arts tour and for checking it out and and yeah it was just this this

weekend was so much fun it was so much fun and I'm and I know a good thing you know and that's why I showed up today because I just I know a good thing and a good thing that we have that I feel and have felt from everybody across this entire country and really across the whole world in Australia and in the UK and Norway and Sweden and somewhere else but it's just that there's some there's a good energy in here and and I hope to focus more on that and work more on that and figure out how we can start to do more good things together and for others and gang brah all day thank you so much for the love and support

thank you we'll finish out a little Bishop gun right here and we'll keep it a little bit let's do something fun with Bishop gun here anything you want I think together man we figured out together we can have anything you want if you're struggling out there keep your head up you know if you're unmotivated just just put the next foot in front of the other you could do it you know if your brain doesn't want to do something just move your feet and your brain will follow I know that it really will just get going you know

you can do it if you're struggling with something you can do it I know you can and don't be too hard on yourself I learned that from you guys alright man let's get through it be good to yourself gang oh Every night looking so righteous, so tight, sell it, make them pay Keep it tight on your wrist, checking that list, looking to assist with another man's fantasy Take another dope line or do a code, do it till you're broke to escape reality Now I can hear your saying, that's why I hold you got on me

Don't let me spend all night alone If you'll just give me what I need, you can have anything you want Out of 18, had a dream of a big screen, all done up with a bright light shine But you wound up here 21 years, wiping black tears, getting ready for the next in line Cheek motels and lock-cloth bells with farewells that goes on and on and on Not to mention your grave attention in a corn, please leave before I hold you Oh, but you can hear, that's why I hold you got on me Don't let me spend all night alone

If you'll just give me what I need, you can have anything you want Oh, anything you want Oh, anything you want