This Past Weekend - Drippy Mitts | This Past Weekend #226

Starting point is 00:00:00 mean oh yes oh my god oh my god sometimes oh somebody's always saying that you know oh my god oh my god people say it so differently you know oh my god oh my god a lot of different ways to say that oh my god some people just it's all one word oh my you know some people saying oh my god Nebraska you're like nah that's not it ah we got the studios looking retightened and uh that's producer Nick really I mean it's if you get a chance to look on the YouTube and and just really fill your face with the beautiful background that we got going on here sweet taste of Americana right here a lot of sweet things that people

Starting point is 00:01:08 have brought us and gifts that people have brought us we got the strap right there TFA 2k guest of the year two times a lot of nice things dude I was just in the um so it's Saturday I gotta tell you that because I have to leave today to go to this to go out of town I'll talk about that in a little while but I'm in the bathroom here at the office building and there's a man in there and he is and I go to the I'm using the sink I do toilet and sink I do a wall toilet you know for yellow only and I'm and then I go to um and then I hear somebody in one of the booths in one of the you know the dookie booths and I look over

Starting point is 00:02:00 somebody okay a man I will say it was a man because the shoe size was probably more than it looked like at least nine and a half or more or better somebody is facing the wrong way on the toilet you know what I'm saying somebody's just you know when because you know a toilet most I think I thought everybody sat one way on the toilet and then I see this fella you know this little uh this little Olympian and he's in there facing the wrong way okay just hugging tank you know and I'm just like damn this guy I mean maybe he has like poop dyslexia or something I don't even know but this guy you know and I said a quick prayer form

Starting point is 00:02:54 inside of myself you know dropped a QP on him and uh and God I mean just you just wonder how people end up like that and this was an adult I mean my brother and I you know we were children and stuff like that and when water was scarce sometimes if we couldn't you know mom wouldn't want us flushing the toilet that much and so we would go back to back on the toilet and try to you know empty our bodies out you know whoever could do it faster and then just you know do one flush but but to see a grown man and not see him but just to see the legs of a grown man and know he's just in there just hugging tank boy I just you won't see

Starting point is 00:03:42 me doing that you won't see me just just gripping that tank that booty aquarium brother back of a toilet you won't see me I sit face forward on the toilet with both my legs out in front of me like God intended I'm not here doing the devil's work that's for sure let's go she's got eyes of fire that burn like a shot of whiskey she's been known to bring a man to his knees she'll take all you have you never see a common she'll take all you have baby you never see her come that's how I know the devil is a warmer well mr. Johnson knows cuz it's all up close in the dancing man if you don't mind would you do this guitar for me but you took

Starting point is 00:05:04 his soul and she broke his heart just for fun that's how I know that's how I know the devil is a woman and that is a bishop gun right there and just just shooting that devil is a woman right in your ears isn't it crazy that there's holes in your head and think about all of them okay let's think about them you got ear holes they collect sound so what else collect sound sponges hallways I guess or like a cave then you got your nose you can smell isn't that crazy that you can smell stuff you could in you can bring air into your face and then and then you know that if the air smells like something or doesn't that's crazy

Starting point is 00:06:13 isn't it think about that oh peach cobbler you know if it could be anything oh man somebody somebody's been burning rubber out here while I was sleeping somebody's been squealing the tires I love that's crazy that you can just make air come into your face and then guess and then you and you can and you know what's what kind of smell is out there and that just to me that's something we should talk about more what's going on welcome to this past weekend it is Saturday today and ah and was I thinking about oh I'm thinking about this man I'm thinking about my body today and then we have the our mouth and the mouth

Starting point is 00:07:07 can do a lot of different stuff it's a real it's really the airport of your head the other you know the nose the eyes do a good bit a lot of traffic coming in a lot of color traffic coming in and out of your eyes you know your eyes are connected pretty much to your brain your eyes are like little color brains that are kind of just loitering outside of the lobby of your brain like they're outside doing a cigarette while your brains and you know still on the clock but your mouth is really like the airport you know they got there's a lot of there's not there's like a lot of you know you got air coming in words going

Starting point is 00:07:50 out tastes you got food you know you could be doing a sentence or you could be doing a taco you know your mouth has a lot of a lot of in and out a lot of you know importing and out porting through your mouth so really unique that ah that your head has all of that going on that amazing I mean your head is like a damn train station and they got sound trains air trains color try you know it's just all aboard we doing it we doing it what's going on boy I was thinking I was thinking yesterday about that my skin is starting to look a little bit uh old that's what I started thinking man I was like damn my skin is getting old boy

Starting point is 00:08:48 isn't that weird when you see something in your body you're like damn this that shit's starting to fall apart like or if you see like your leg in a picture or something you're like damn my leg is fucked up I'm always shocked when you see like when you have one of those moments you're like oh wow you look at a picture of yourself from a few years earlier you're like damn I was young I was fine as fuck but then you didn't think you were fine back then remember that I always hate that you'll see a picture yourself from like seven years ago or even you know 19 years ago and you'd be like damn I was attractive and

Starting point is 00:09:30 I didn't and I didn't have I just had no confidence I'm like God why didn't I know that I was you know handsome enough or or you know we're fine enough it's like damn look how nice I looked I didn't realize that I didn't have that confidence I hate that man that boils my damn beef that boils my beef that makes me upset man but but not as upset at that as that do with damn freaking do do it in the toilet on the wrong just hugging that tank but maybe he's going through something I probably should have checked on I'll check if if this if this episode I'll check at the end and if he's still in there what if he does I don't want to

Starting point is 00:10:20 think about that what if he's deceased here I am making a podcast laughing about the guy you know who's trying to you know who's trying to bat left-handed on a toilet and and the guys Jesus I hope he's all right what's going on I got some new tour dates to announce to you and I know people were upset because of some of the ones that happened and and I had to change stuff for the doing this movie I'm about to leave right now it's actually it is Saturday I had to record this and I'm leaving to go over to Atlanta because when Chris Pratt said hey brother I need you to come help me fight aliens I say okay I'm gonna come

Starting point is 00:11:07 fight I'm gonna do that because he's already been to the future and help battle stuff and so he knows what's going on you know he's already taken care of some stuff and so he needs help what else man what else what's going on just been trying to rest trying to relax and and I got a bunch of great calls that came in I got some new tour dates I do want to announce them but first I want to I want to say this oh people talking about the Jimmy John's guy dude Twitter I fucking hate Twitter man Twitter just gotten so lame it's uh I just don't understand it I don't understand why why I don't know I don't know it's just

Starting point is 00:11:59 gotten so lame I wish somebody would just make a Twitter just for everybody I wish it's kind of social media and everything were just for everyone you know for everyone there's a lot of fake outrage this is one of the thing I saw in there fake outrage over a resurfaced photo of Jimmy John's founder pictured with a hunted downed elephant has caused some people to call for a boycott of Jimmy John's look if you don't want to eat Jimmy John's don't eat it but I'll tell you this I'm eating it okay as long as they don't put elephant on the arm on my turkey time baby I'll be out there I'll be out there by the Jimmy

Starting point is 00:12:45 John's you know that dude I wear two pairs of underpants bro when I go to Jimmy John's because I need something to keep my dick down you feel me because their sandwiches make me damn erect and yeah if you're upset that Jimmy John killed a fucking lion bra then guess what oh well all right now do I think he should be allowed to shoot a lion with a gun no I think if you want to fight an animal you go fight an animal out there mano imano ii anima no you know what you know what I'm saying boy mano anima no you fight it ain't you fight an animal you don't fight him with a gun you shooting some

Starting point is 00:13:31 I've said this before you shooting something from 200 yards away you and your buddy's air you know snapping into a slim gem bra and looking at each other's ass cheeks and one of them little you know cages or whatever no no Jimmy John you want to battle something get out there and battle something and also yeah I'd love to see you maybe they should have more exotic meats at the sandwich shop anybody ever thought about that because yeah most of the animals he's killing turkey tuna what do they have at Jimmy John chicken that shit is easy to kill bra dude I'll kill a chicken with a fucking piece of yarn bra sneak up on

Starting point is 00:14:09 that bitch boy and get a metallian style from the back but you're saying you know I'm glad to see at least he's challenge at least he's moving up to challenge more hard-hitting animals but and look dude if I'm fully honest I'd have a little bit of fan break throw a little elephant on him on a bread boy had me a couple cuts of fan bro and some fucking on a brioche roll doctor called the doctor yeah so look I'm not I mean I don't think I don't think anybody should kill a big animal like that with a gun you want to get out there and fight him face to face then do it you put two boxing gloves on Jimmy and you put one boxing glove on

Starting point is 00:15:09 that trunk of the um of that elephant and let him do it out you know best of three or something so but I mean you can't hate the guy forever I mean you know he's fucking selling sandwiches dude if you sold billions of sandwiches and shit you probably lose your mind to and do something crazy in Africa but I don't know I mean it's just they want to any anything if it's a white guy doing something they're gonna shut him down so that's Twitter basically for you that's basically yeah I don't even ever do this I think he should have to fight a regular elephant now that's the rule then you want to kill one okay second one

Starting point is 00:15:53 you got a you guys got to go at it I like that I want to announce these rescheduled European tour dates please note that tickets will go on sale this Tuesday August 27th at 10 a.m. local time so people are like what what time is that here that's 10 a.m. wherever here is the ticket links for the original shows will be the same for the rescheduled dates tickets will transfer over so if you had a ticket for the original show you can just transfer your ticket over to the new date if you have questions or concerns about switching over your tickets or any other questions please contact the venue box office or the

Starting point is 00:16:40 point of purchase and they will be able to help facilitate okay they are Saturday January 4th is Manchester Sunday January 5th is also Manchester Monday the 6th is Dublin Ireland Wednesday the 8th will be Glasgow and that's January this all January Friday the 10th will be London Saturday the 11th will be London two shows Monday will be Amsterdam January 13th Tuesday January 14th will be Oslo and Wednesday January 15th will be Stockholm and so those are the European dates and again you can get all of those through Theo von comm slash tour and if you had a ticket to a previous show that will just transfer

Starting point is 00:17:39 over to the new show but you should check in with the box office and see what's going on man my hair looks like that's crazy man oh that's another thing that's coming out of your head hair and little dude think of all the stuff your head is doing think of it your head is doing almost so much stuff to your body's kind of I mean it's doing a lot but it's it's definitely kind of backseat driver a little bit I feel like but let's take some calls speaking about European tour dates let's take a call that came in right here onward what's up Tito onward brother in Germany huh donkey and I just want to call in man you know kind of

Starting point is 00:18:26 give you some support on your decision to take that movie with Chris Pratt I had pretty rough year this last year job losses and changes lost your friend of mine for example and your show helped me tremendously that perspective kind of got me through that and a few months ago when you're showing Amsterdam posted I didn't know if I was even gonna be over here to go but I decided to go ahead and roll the dice by that ticket and turns out I found the job actually right down the road for the show is gonna be it so I was really excited about that I got the job oh congrats man so you got a new job and then it's right down the road from

Starting point is 00:19:01 the from that Amsterdam hitter but then I changed the date and turns out last week I found out they're gonna send me out of town for training during that time for English show so I watched the podcast on Monday turns out you have to postpone the show which means I'm gonna be able to make the postpone show after my new job training so all things consider it works out well for me and it's working out well for you I just wanted to kind of call in and give you some positive news well there you go guys one person excited about the change man so look if you want to blame it on somebody we rescheduled them all for

Starting point is 00:19:38 that guy right there now congrats on the job man you got that new job and you're gonna be able to do different activities at work they're gonna pay you you're gonna perform that's beautiful bro that's beautiful and thank for the well wishes about the film I mean I'll say film movie I don't fucking know bro I mean I don't know exactly how to call it how to discuss this thing you know without sounding like a straight D bag honestly but here we go TV was going on big dog just guys over here Charlotte what's up guys we're over there in Charlotte gang bro onward because you're on that we baby but on that on that

Starting point is 00:20:26 hitter but our congratulations on the news about the about the role you got Chris Pratt spender top 10 thousand Hollywood right now that's a that's an Avenger thanks man yeah he I mean yeah it's crazy look if Rosie O'Donnell hits me up to do something suck a tit row row you know what I'm saying if who else one of these fucking muppets I mean it could literally 99% of people ask me if I want to be a part of something no but I mean this thing just sliced through the water like a fucking shrimp with a sword baby and and I was like man this man's asking me point blank to be a part of his project and I didn't know what else to

Starting point is 00:21:23 do except you know he said look I need somebody to help me fight aliens and the future needs you and I was like well damn bro are you sure and and that was how it kind of started and so now I'm gonna go you know I guess I'm gonna help out for the future as much as I can so onward and I was trying to think of like what role you were gonna play I could see you being a mechanic oh yeah dude I like mechanics thanks with some oil a couple oil spots on your shirt you know only on your hands um I could see you probably being a veterinarian oh yeah boy with that heavy petting zebra now veterinarian I'm not cutting into

Starting point is 00:22:13 something for no reason you know I mean I'm not cutting into something for no reason dude if something you know if an animal swallows a marble or swallows its house keys or something I'll get in there but for some miscellaneous you know they got a Rhythmia here and in fucking Judy's rabbit that's Judy's problem bro I'll send that thing over to Jimmy John and let him pop it off you feel me onward and taking care of dogs and other animals and yet also I wanted to ask you or Jesus brother will ask me because this guy might be just really too high man onward are you gonna be filming

Starting point is 00:23:02 during the diamonds fight does this mean that you cannot go to Abu Dhabi that exact that is what it means man it is what it means and and that's a bummer too man I was probably I mean it's just it's been a lot man to be honest dude it's like the past couple months have just been have been tough well for here first first my brain's all over the place yes I can't go to the fight so I'm bummed out about that and what role am I playing in this show they just need the guy said they need help in the in the future and they you know that it's about like they have aliens and that they need help and so you know I don't think I'm

Starting point is 00:23:53 gonna be I don't think they have a lot of veterinarians in the future because they don't you don't see that you know you don't see like a guy show up in a time machine and he's got a couple animals with him or something or like a um stethoscope with like deer blood on it or something so I think it's gonna be a little bit more you know just kind of like a normal guy who goes to the future and just tries his best basically they said we want you that's what they said I said well what is they said we want you we want you to be help us in the future because we got problems and and they're talking about aliens and also

Starting point is 00:24:35 look a black friend of mine told me that black people and aliens have beef with each other so I mean and I told you all about that a while back but there's just obviously in the future there's a lot of kind of shit happening that people are concerned about but what else man let's take another call they came in here sorry I'm all over the place a little bit man I'm just my energy's all jacked up because I have to fly out tonight so I'm a little bit um you know just erratic I guess and I'm nervous you know I don't know what this experience is gonna be like I don't know what it's gonna be like I mean they're

Starting point is 00:25:19 gonna have people that are professional you know I'm gonna have to be in a different type of environment the things I am excited about you know I'm after but I don't know they made it seem like it's like I'm gonna be able to be myself and so that was something that was extremely appealing to me and Chris Pratt is basically like you know Jesus is little bucko so it's like you know if the Lord calls dude you don't just sit by the phone and and finish off a thing of planters peanuts you know I'm saying you don't fucking just polish off some nutter butters and listen to that bitch ring if the Lord calls yellow let's take

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Starting point is 00:28:15 for supporting this past weekend I had another question that came in here through patreon through Danny crook and it's more about the film the ghost draft that's the name of it what expectations do you have as you approach the new movie project what expectations for background and context I recently realized how much on my own anxiety and depression stems from not managing my own expectations better so what expectations do you have for the film you know it's a good that's a good that's a good question man I think well I think you know I realized this isn't a film I'm the star of or anything like

Starting point is 00:28:57 that that I'm not even you know I'm gonna be a part of it that's all I know you know it's kind of risky to me to just to accept that but I have to go in and I think it's gonna be a nice change of pace in the sense that it will give me a chance to have a new experience with something you know and just have a little bit of a change of pace you know we all need that in our lives you know variety is the spice of life they say it it's that cinnamon brother cardamom you know I'm expecting that there'll be a lot of downtime which I think will be good for me to get a chance to rest you know I've been trying to take some time off

Starting point is 00:29:43 and really just rest my brain you know my brain feels really tired and so I've been just trying to rest it and relax it and and so I think I'll have that expectations I probably won't be able to be you know I'm not gonna be the center of attention and so I think that this could be just a nice lesson in humility you know to be supporting support somebody else what expectations I'm gonna try to create some good patterns for myself on a day-to-day basis so that I don't just fall into bad habits so I'm gonna really work hard to do that yeah it's funny man I it's crazy how much expectations I'll have expectations

Starting point is 00:30:30 run crazy in my head forever you know thinking something's gonna be like this or like this or like this and I'm not even you know I can't even really be present in my own life until whatever that thing happens is and then if it and it things rarely can live up to your expectations because our imagination can be so you know like I'll sit like if you see like a pretty girl walk toward you or pretty man if you like a man's body or man you like a man's brain and body you see them walk at you and you think man they're gonna look at me they're gonna buy me a flower or something or a hat or something we'll split a little

Starting point is 00:31:10 bag of something you know cut a nerd rope in half and share it but the truth is they don't they just walk by and now you're like shit now I'm all depressed because that person thinks I'm nasty but they never thought about me at all and here I am you know not taking care of myself laying on the couch watching two seasons of forensic files oh boy just out there just doing just mostly death viewing on on investigative discovery that's bad news bears so I think I'm trying to keep my expectations low and I'm trying to see if there's lessons for me in this as the lamest that sounds a little bit that's what I'm trying to do

Starting point is 00:31:56 so those are some of my thoughts going into it Danny crook Jillian Neil had this question how do you wind down after a show you put so much energy and joy in your stand-up I'm just curious how you relax you know it takes me a while I realized you know and it takes me usually I'll drink coffee in between shows and to get jacked out for the second one so I got that fucking you know I'm saying I got that I got that baby brown vinegar boy that cafe just trying to skeet right out of my veins and that gets me jacked out for the second hit so afterwards how do I wind down well I used to do masturbation but I'm trying not to do

Starting point is 00:32:45 that so I usually get a little sandwich I'll eat a bunch of turkey is like a sedative I mean I'll do a pound of turkey to try and get to sleep because turkey bruh that's just valium with wings dude if you have enough turkey boy you it's lights out son turkey has tear um what is it having a tetrafan tetrafan yeah turkey has tetrafan so sometimes you see somebody sleep at the wheel or whatever or the cops pull you over they said damn man you in and out of the lanes bruh and that's when I break out a bag of butter ball say hey look officer fuck I've had about 30 slices tonight you hear me so who knows boy I'm

Starting point is 00:33:32 fucking daddy's looped out on that honey roasted so they don't know they they they hit you with that breathalyzer and that shit registers farmer John baby you feel me that breathalyzer baby they getting that that shit registers 14 ounces and that turkey time header boy I've had to Jimmy John son hold the elephant you feel me I've had to Jimmy John freaking those little snack of dactyls and hold the elephant what else what else is going on man I think I'm just excited you know I was thinking this weekend about people have been saying recently like oh man I'm so proud of you and I was

Starting point is 00:34:24 thinking about like being proud and like and you know what I was like you know I have a really tough time feeling proud of myself you know and I don't know if I've ever if I've ever really felt proud of myself you know like I don't know exactly what that feeling is you know I think I've felt like achievement I felt some sense of wow but I wonder if like we have lost the like I wonder how do we know if we're feeling proud of ourselves or if we're just feeling like you know egotistical or overconfident you know it's tough to figure out but I think it goes back to yeah just some time I just

Starting point is 00:35:23 never could feel I never I never felt proud of myself and it could be from a series of things maybe you know my pain like it could have been when I was young like I didn't know like every congratulations or anything there wasn't it you know enough of that or it just could be that the way I was made meh that it's you know molecular level I wasn't gonna be I wasn't that proud parrot you know I was more of just like a little you know like a little like I just just the little canary that couldn't you know or just like I never I don't know I don't know what I'm talking about man my brain's leaking let's take

Starting point is 00:36:15 another call that has come in here the hotline is always is 985-664-9503 if you're a young fella that's been struggling with something or a young man or lesbian or woman or anyone Native American anyone please call and let us know if something's troubling you 985-665-985-664-9503 here we go what up Dusty I appreciate you calling in baby Dusty you know what I'm saying sign put some water on the ground you feel me let's hear it Dust I just had to stop your latest podcast and immediately and give you a call and tell you that that I I called the authorities in your area to come check on you you know just with

Starting point is 00:37:20 to be honest with you man just with you know with everything that's going on with you just saying on the internet that you eat pop-tarts with no frosting on it I mean clearly you're a fucking psycho path so oh man I appreciate the call bruh dude pop-tarts without frosting that's how you do it that's that man that's how you show the ladies you're a man when you're young you know I'm saying I ain't sure if I'm a child I'm not showing up with this sugary fucking little bitch rectangle you know I ain't showing up with this little sucrose this little glukage in shape bruh I show up with that it looks fucking

Starting point is 00:38:00 patented bruh looks like leather almost like a crispy kind of edible leather I show up with that you can see the little you know the little the base the the cherry or whatever the strawberry trying to get out of the little holes as little they got the little peep holes over there it's not slop down with this big fake hard-ass frosting I like that brown that little baby and sometimes even I'll take some peanut butter and put it on the back of that bench but I don't put it on the front don't cover the holes where that with a those little lava pockets where the little where that filling is they got that filling in them

Starting point is 00:38:39 and filling is something that's hiding inside of something else you know filling a lot say it can be good or bad I mean they'll fill you they'll fill your pop tart with strawberry they'll fill your your teeth with a metal they put metal in your damn teeth so who is that the government but yeah man you can tell the cops to hold off bro I got it I'm holding it down here oh I'm holding it down here man but frosting you're an adult if you eat pop tarts with frosting and you're an adult who do you think you are huh Stephanie um what's that lady's name park I don't remember Stephanie something well it's football you know it

Starting point is 00:39:28 and it's a new season Antonio Browns on the Raiders Levy on Bell is on the Jets Odell Beckham Jr. is in Cleveland it's ego roulette it's ego roulette but the one thing that hasn't changed is where you should put your money down on all the games my bookie is the place to bet on football every weekend my bookie has better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period this year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest first place is guaranteed to win at least a hundred thousand and it only costs a hundred dollars to enter hmm now stuff like that I really enjoyed because you can kind of

Starting point is 00:40:09 play it out over a season you know I like the thing where you can do like a bet and then you can you know some of them they last longer than this one game or one moment all you got to do is pick five NFL games against the spread every week to climb the leaderboard and score your share of the huge cash prize pool my bookie also has a live in-game betting on every NFL game they got the most rewarding player perks and I do like betting on those oh you could bet maybe is uh you know is one of these players gonna start crying for no reason you know is somebody's gonna get served with uh you know with parent

Starting point is 00:40:48 with um you know you don't take care of your children papers right in the middle of the game it's interesting to see and I want to say that our listeners get up to a thousand dollar first deposit bonus that means you can double your first deposit just use promo code P A S T to activate the offer visit my bookie online today that's M Y B O O K I E and don't forget to use the promo code P A S T when creating your account to claim the bonus bet when get paid that's it my bookie dot com and use the promo code past when opening your account to claim your bonus oh man you know sometimes I feel like episodes are fun and sometimes I

Starting point is 00:41:40 feel like I don't know what they are man sometimes I feel like I am just fucking wandering around I sometimes I feel like I got damn lesbians trapped inside of my body man you know I mean sometimes I feel like if you just beat me up and with a hatchet or something they'd have probably damn 60 lesbians climb out you know so and dude I'll tell you this they had a girl that had a crush on me dude this girl kitty when I was young and man I had a crush on her too and she was beautiful dude and they called her kitty because she would lick her arms a lot and something about it I mean that was just sexy to me you know when you see a

Starting point is 00:42:28 girl just put rubbing her own tongue just just damned down near her elbows for no real reason I mean that's Jesus bro that's like that's like almost like going to Florida it's beautiful and and I remember at recess I was so nervous remember that being young at recess you're so nervous especially if there was a girl you were gonna see I'd be like kitty and then every time you saw each other when you were in like elementary school or whatever you'd just be in a fight you're like we you never talk to me and then you write them a letter it says you never talk to me on it real

Starting point is 00:43:15 big and then it'd be like yes or no and it's like I don't even know what's going on anymore and then have halfway through the year they hire an attorney her family hires an attorney and they want money and so that's what I'm saying is going on with a lot of these matches these days you know you pass them a love note they pass you back a affidavit or whatever you know with that thing whatever they when a when they want half your money they want affidavits money hey we're gonna give you this right here so we're gonna show up to court and she gets half dude and you get some of what you previously had and

Starting point is 00:43:55 that's called that affidavit but but damn kitty was fine bro and and I knew she liked milk and I know it's crazy but that's why they called her that as a nickname and I knew she liked milk full milk not some of that weak ass shit dude you see some of that myth that some of that weak ass milk brah that shit comes up a little bit soft dude like a brother from Seattle you know when you see that week that weak milk come on boy I want that thick thick you know I want that thick thick that kind of milk that just mmm tastes like it's got some real bitches in it while you're drinking it that's what I like let's take another

Starting point is 00:44:40 call that came in here onward what's up scholar over there myrtle beach and have a lot of exotic animals over there and myrtle beach that's the truth onward your apprehension about having too much on your plate man I feel like I'm in the same boat I'm in a band I'm a musician I play in a band and solo I'm going back to school here in a week's time and one of my first a meeting tonight actually first time ever dang man congrats baby boy congrats boy stand on the stoop son stand up stand on the stoop they got the steps baby good for you man that's a lot onward yeah the culture of alcohol really derailed something I had going

Starting point is 00:45:30 for me I was in school to be a music teacher kind of just let that dark art consume me man I also work a a temp job that's usually 40 hours a week in the daytime so that's a lot it's a lot of work you got going on let's hear more a lot on my plate as far as that's concerned looking forward but very nervous about my first meeting tonight and and I'm just real nervous about all those things coming together at the same time and really got me uneasy which it gives me a lot of comfort whenever you talk about these feelings and these things and I wonder and how I'm gonna push through with my craft when I'm sober

Starting point is 00:46:17 and completed the treatment man I just want to say you're awesome dude well thanks man I appreciate it man I didn't mean to cut you off there I just man I just don't like sometimes that is I mean I'm grateful but sometimes it's hard to hear here I'll listen to the rest of it gang gang you the man gang bro I appreciate that no sometimes I just you know some of this hard to hear people it's hard to you know like it's hard to I don't know sometimes it's I don't know you know you know let's talk about what you were talking about then you know you uh yeah it's a lot on your plate do recently man I hadn't really been a

Starting point is 00:47:15 hundred percent clean with you guys about you know I've been I had so much on my plate and you know I remember when I was in Arizona I had to get fluids I wasn't feeling good and just been exhausted when I was in Phoenix and that was a couple months ago and and I kept thinking like oh well I can't like complain or anything about being stressed or overworked because everybody deals with that kind of stuff you know and I wasn't trying to complain I just I don't know sometimes it's like we create this there's a culture sometimes where if we are working too much then we feel like we can't say it we can't you know no

Starting point is 00:47:56 matter what's going on it's like we can't say it and I probably should have said more often like man I I know it kept saying I feel stressed and this and that but I just didn't realize how exhausted I've been I mean just exhausted it was just starting to hurt me at like a level of me even a creative level I just feel you know I just I don't want to burn myself completely out I want to just you know I need to spend some time making sure that I'm okay so that I can continue to do what I love to do and do it for everyone at a high level you know so when I do come to do the show it's gonna be it's gonna be great and it's

Starting point is 00:48:32 gonna be something that it's a fair trade for the price of your ticket or the ticket that you're buying that I'm giving you I want to give you more than your value and that's what I want to do and so yeah for me I had I think I had too much on my plate and I wasn't doing enough to take care of myself I wasn't putting enough good stuff into my holes you know in my face in my head or anywhere really and I'm not putting anything really in my butt or anything like that but you know what I'm talking about so dude what if your butt was just like a purse and it was a little easier to get into wouldn't that be crazy

Starting point is 00:49:07 wouldn't that be crazy boy you're like damn oh man I got oh shoot I gotta carry this out and I gotta carry these whistles and I gotta carry this little bitty you know this small mattress and what am I gonna do oh gosh you know where am I gonna what are gonna I'm gonna carry my coffee and then just throw those whistles in your butt wouldn't that be great I mean wouldn't it just be because really a kangaroo had that has just like a big open butt like that pouch is really just a big open you know kind of a really a big long kind of big front butt you know B-hole son you feel me that front B-hole that pouch so they

Starting point is 00:49:58 could they could put stuff in there and we're out here fucking you know you could barely get anything really in your butt so I think if we you know something could ask God for us to loosen up our butts a little not to do anything crazy but just to help us kind of carry you know get stuff out to the car that's all I'm saying but you know I think the program the the benefits of 12-step for 12-step programs and recovery programs can be astronomical for people and even just that you know I was thinking sometimes I'm too hard on myself and sometimes I just want to I want I want to know what I'm capable of and I you know and it's

Starting point is 00:50:40 to you have to learn the balance you got to calibrate that but yeah if you have a lot on your plate man then just eat one thing at once it's okay sometimes now that's two things if you put a lot on your plate but just eat one thing at a time man you know don't leave you know half of a bite here and half of a bite here and your butt you know half your mouth is that got this and that and everything and I say yes to too many things I want to do too much and that's part of one of my character defects is my character wants to do everything so it'll say yes a lot and then my who I my everything I am as a person I can't keep

Starting point is 00:51:26 up but I'm learning you know I looked up stress and a lot of things like that and I'm you know trying to see a you know about getting more fitness going and things that are just gonna help me take care of myself better so just you know be careful out there man and and I appreciate the warm words I think I have a tough time hearing compliment sometimes and so that's you know that's tough for me when I'm feeling a little bit better I'll go into that more let's take this right here for you that hiring is challenging but there's one place you can go where hiring is simple fast and smart a place where growing business is

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Starting point is 00:55:01 months of unlimited access to over 25,000 classes for free to sign up go to Skillshare comm slash Theo Vaughn again go to Skillshare comm slash Theo Vaughn to start your two months now that Skillshare comm slash Theo Vaughn I'm gonna be going to Biloxi next weekend that show is on and again I'm sorry about the Brea shows I know I keep saying it but I'm really bummed out but you know I just I have to be smart I have to take care of myself you know I think I was afraid to tell people how bad I was really struggling with you know the way I was feeling and stuff because when you're doing well nobody wants to hear

Starting point is 00:55:44 that you're not doing well you know nobody wants to hear that the guy that's you know doing great on the outside that he's feeling troubled on the inside or that he's burnt out nobody wants to hear that and so you just keep going and you keep going and you keep going and you know I'm a like I have to remember that I'm a you know I'm a performer I'm an entertainer I'm an artist I like to you know I like to be creative brah and so I don't want to you know it's just been a whirlwind year and I have to be careful when I got to manage my capabilities and what I'm capable of so you know out of the blue when this film came up it was

Starting point is 00:56:30 like oh this is exciting this is something that you know this is you know this an amazing opportunity in some regard it's also real scary in other regard you know I don't want people looking at me like some kind of movie guy you know this is my joy this is what I love doing and doing stand-up I mean doing I'm a comedian man I've been doing stopping on the road for 15 years doing stand-up comedy you know I don't even know how many weekends a year 30 40 30 I would say 30 not 40 that would be a line let's take another call here and I'm not complaining I'm just I don't know it's like I just you know I just don't

Starting point is 00:57:25 have that thing inside of me that will tell me when it's like hey man you you know you've done enough right now you you know you're doing enough there's just that crazy person inside of me that's just like you know you know that's just always kind of saying oh you got to do more you got to do more you're not doing enough all right let's take one more call here here we go hey Theo this is William Bell Q and one United States Navy it's for what you know Billy Bell from the US Naval thank you very much brother and we love you guys thanks for being in the Navy brother gang

Starting point is 00:58:08 oh definitely boy and that's when you got to find a man with cool skin bro or a woman now the good thing about the Navy and the Air Force they got some beautiful babies in there these days dude hell if you've been all if you've been deployed long enough you might even find a man with just long hair and just having looked the other way and just but you know and just you know right right vagina next to his little b-hole or something or be wild or something but but anyway man enough of the gay jokes I know people always do that about the Navy and everything but I hope you also I will say this brother to the armed

Starting point is 00:58:50 forces if we fight somebody next I hope you guys beat their ass brother how about that gang onward but I just want to appreciate everything you do and love gang gang gang gang gang man and thanks for your service and thanks for your service man you know I don't know what the future is gonna hold but if shit gets out of hand let's all meet in Colorado or Texas or something and fucking hold it down let's take this one last call here 985-664-9503 thank you guys for being with us for being here today yeah just don't feel like myself I don't feel like myself you know when I'm just tired of not feeling like

Starting point is 00:59:33 myself and so I'm trying to figure out what is going on with me a little bit so yeah just it's just been a lot going on this past month man but I'm excited we got those new Europe dates you know that's amazing it's gonna be January dude you don't think I was so excited about coming over to another to you know another part of the world and being being good and doing that you know man I was so excited I was gonna go to Dubai see my boys fight cruise out of there stop in Istanbul for four days and then go to the tour that was my plan and so now I got to fight aliens I just don't know if ever in my life will I have the

Starting point is 01:00:16 opportunity to go fight aliens like this now being friends with Eddie Bravo you got a chance to fight aliens probably a couple times in your life but this should be interesting you know and we did it our way you know I did it just by being myself and I don't have to do some character or be somebody else's you know pigeon or fucking work under some you know read you know do some bullshit characters character was like oh you can be you and I said damn man that's gonna be something fun for everybody and not just for me okay let's take this call here we go man and thank everybody for the calls and thank you guys so much for

Starting point is 01:01:01 your support a lot of nice calls that came in this week to just being supportive so thank you so much onward what's up cam from Charlotte and that's uh Charlotte is a woman's name too it's also a city so you know what I'm saying sometimes if you see a dude just humping the air in the middle of town he said dang what's going on boy you say I'm just getting a little bit of Charlotte you feel me gun gun 20 years old young buck trying to figure out my way in life 20 years old right there double decades right here onward brother I got a problem with these sweaty hands man my dad had problems with it doesn't have to worry

Starting point is 01:01:44 about it but comes a problem on dates man oh you got them sweaty hands huh you got them leaky mitts baby tell me more just wondering some advice that maybe you give a young guy sweaty hands trying to forgot this world man so oh you got that drip shake huh hmm I can only imagine man you try to shake somebody's hand and you and your daddy probably can't even handshake because it's just like a just like two like two-fifths trying to uh just like two-fifths trying to hug and they can't it's like hmm damn onward thank you and maybe getting a little advice on what to do with these headers thanks man you got them leaky

Starting point is 01:02:26 hitters brah I mean the only thing you could do marry a plumber you know that's the old joke if you got sweaty hands you marry a plumber but damn boy you got them sweaty hands that's trouble hmm yeah that's a tough one man because I mean you could keep like I don't know if you ever been to the gymnasium but they have this little thing of chalk sometimes I guess people die there a lot or whatever and they'll put it on their hands or something or um you know if they're doing uh you know I guess I don't know I don't know what it's for really but people put it on their hands there and you can do it too so you can put one of

Starting point is 01:03:04 those in the vehicle or something what else you could hold the hand hold your hands out of the window when you drive so you know you could hold your hands right out of the car window when you drive like a little love like a little bishon and they do that sometimes and hang your tongue out or something to kind of cool them bad then bad boys off because those are that's those fucking front grippers baby them hands you got a pair of them and I mean yeah I don't know what else you could do dude get some gloves or something get some cinnamon put it you know or do something like seasonal some Oregon not

Starting point is 01:03:42 a work on a little bit of Ganger you feel me that Ganger get you some of those gang you know or crumble up some Ganger snaps or whatever and put them on the front get you right but yeah you need some type of a dust to cover it now that there's a surgery you can get you got to get the gland sawed out of your hands so I don't know where you want to do that at but but I would say I think it's a lot of girls will think it's cute too you know just tell them they make you nervous or something I think now that's a good way in the beginning say oh yeah you know oh hey violet you know you really making me nervous you know my

Starting point is 01:04:21 hands are really just leaking for you or get you some special gloves some gloves that match like your pants like burning Shab is like a guy that will wear some fucking weird gloves so do some shit like that and do something but I think if a girl said me your hands are real wet I would say look well look hey I'll get wet if you get one you feel me now that's kind of perverse but that's you know that's not a real Christian way to go about it but that's something you could do and what else hmm man the truth is somebody's gonna love your damn wet hands they probably got a lady out there sitting around with dry ashy

Starting point is 01:05:08 hands you know some lady she just she's just leaving just real intense fingerprints everywhere she goes and people say damn I mean you probably can't play solitaire because the cards get all kind of law water logged up you know to get off you know they swole a little but but they got some dry dry lady out there I mean look at this your mother your father major and he's you he you know he got them dripping mitts so it's all we've all got something bro you know I feel like I've been losing my hair dude that's scary you know I got a big nose right on the front of my face dude you know much easier would be if my nose

Starting point is 01:05:53 was on the back of my face way easier but you know we've all got some kind of thing you know I got those fucking people don't want to talk about them a lot those clavies I got those up top hitters baby them high ribs and them bitches are beautiful but you don't see those a lot you know so we all have things about ourselves that we don't really enjoy so I think if you got some you know just tell them you've been doing laundry or something you could do that but the unique thing about it is is there's somebody else out there that's got it just like you your father and you have somebody to talk about it with and

Starting point is 01:06:34 if anything it's a gift man what if you and your father had nothing in common you know I'd give anything for to have something you know to be able to talk to my father not only talk to him about something we had in common blame him you also have somebody to blame these days you could take your daddy to court sue him boy the state versus drip drop you feel me but I think it's something you have in common with your father and he cares about you you know he's damp with affection for his son he's damp with sentiment for his boy and that could be anything coming out of your hands dude okay you know who knows man damn that

Starting point is 01:07:18 could be that body skeet boy that could be the Lord trying to just just really blossom right out of your palms so there's a lot going on with you man and I think they're supposed to be you know you don't want to have a dry existence so I would put some you know do maybe there's like a powder that's real fine people wouldn't notice you could put in your pockets you could wear gloves really cool chill gloves or something fashion's gotten so weird you could almost do whatever you want you could do some blue jean gloves or something like that something that's really kind of unique or like Rocky Rocky remember he wore that

Starting point is 01:07:58 and he just had a lisp so he didn't even he wasn't even that fashionable he has speech impediment and he fucking you know war mittens so Jesus Christ Brian he had a great career but I think there's a lot of possibility for you man and I love you Brian I hope when I see you dude you fucking shake me you shake my hand with one of those wet bitches baby because I'm gonna grip that thing and I'm gonna pull you in daddy and give you that one-handed fucking that fucking lava lock baby that love that fucking one-handed fucking love hustle real fast boy that half a hug you feel me I'm in and out okay I got to go to

Starting point is 01:08:37 Atlanta man they say they say look man we got to fly you out here we got to do all of that so we got a week of training and and that just means like going over rehearsals and looking at things and stuff like that and you know I think the scariest thing for me is that I've been doing things you know podcast and to stand up it's your own thing and I have to work with others here and I'm definitely excited it's gonna be cool but it's just you know I have to remember that so I gotta you know it's not about me it's about a project everybody's trying to do you know I'm hoping to learn and I'm hoping to have an experience

Starting point is 01:09:19 that I could share with others and I mean you guys so gang gang yeah we'll see you guys next time and yeah be good to yourselves I am having a tough time like connecting with myself so that's been really really tough for me so I feel like sometimes you know I don't know what's going on but everything's gonna be okay I do know that I believe that and just got to stay in the pocket you know stay in the pocket in one moment at a time and don't get on future trip and stay in gratitude you know I mean we all have a lot to be grateful for you know we all do and and we're all listening right we're right here right

Starting point is 01:10:19 now and thank you guys for being a part of my life man be good to yourself and and I hope you deserve it I'm so grateful that I have you know I have something you know when they say you want to come do this thing I didn't just think oh yeah years ago I thought oh yeah my first thought was man well I'm gonna have to do my podcast you know how am I gonna do it you know what am I gonna do and so that and so we you know no Sunday episodes will stop then we'll stop at all or no Monday episodes but I'm gonna cut back on some guest episodes because I need to for my own well-being and that's as far as I know right now and

Starting point is 01:11:09 that could you know I don't think that would change but that's the goal right now you know and so I'm gonna be good to myself because I know I deserve it you guys tell me that all the time when I see you in person so thank you very much and you do the same for yourself she's got eyes of fire that burn like a shot of whiskey and she's been known to bring a man to his knees she'll take all you have you never see a common that's how I know the devil has a warm on well mr. Johnson knows cuz he saw her up close in the dancing man if you don't mind would you do this guitar for me but you took it so and she broke his heart

Starting point is 01:12:25 just for fun she'll make you want to anything that she wants you and just when you think that you understand and enjoy your first meeting brother hope you enjoy your first meeting man I'm about to go to one to myself right now so somewhere down in Georgia says she plays a pretty mean fiddle it's true but even though you got that fiddle of gold she will never have met that she won and that's how I know the devil is a warm on yeah that's how I know the devil is a warm on

Starting point is 01:15:35 you

This Past Weekend - Drippy Mitts | This Past Weekend #226

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