This Past Weekend - E359 Ari Shaffir

Starting point is 00:00:00 All right, I got to let you know that autumn is in the air and that's not a woman in a hot-air balloon. That's a Season seasonal time we're in And it's time to get your body right trim the hedges before snow comes and you got to use manscaped. Yep trim up your bag dog Get 20% off and free shipping by going to manscaped comm slash Theo for 20% off and free shipping Make your scrotum a priority choose manscaped manscaped comm for 20% off and free shipping Today's episode is brought to you by That thirsty funeral baby liquid death

Starting point is 00:00:41 You can go to Theo von comm slash tour and grab tickets. There's still some tickets available for Chattanooga Knoxville Durham as well. I believe is Buffalo, New York We might be adding dates return of the rat tour and thank you guys so much. I'm excited to see you soon Today's guest is a is a survivor of cancel culture he's a He's he pushes the line or does he is it should should should anybody have to push the line Should there be a line?

Starting point is 00:01:19 We're gonna talk about a lot of things Um, this man. Let me stay at his apartment one time when I was dealing with a little bit of a Addictory behavior Um, he's long been a fixture in the stand-up comedy community. He's the host of skeptic tank today's guest is Ari Shafir I You're not interested in going back, huh? Huh, I mean, it's probably a deeper question than just like a yes or no. No, it's interesting Well, everybody started to kind of go. Yeah, so it's probably different now. Yeah. I mean, yeah, everybody like at COVID

Starting point is 00:02:27 I mean, I guess code for you kind of started early in a weird way You know because you kind of like had a you had another break and then everybody else got on this crazy break and it's like, yeah they uh, they uh Yeah, Rogan was like, you know LA sucks. It's over and I'm like, I'm like, you're just finding that out now Yeah, I left 10 years ago dude. Yeah, it's full of fucking actors man. Everybody sucks there. That's true Yeah, you've always been kind of that brave in that space to like kind of Manage your own time differently. I feel like that's one thing I've always admired about you is that you always manage your time like in a way where it's not like

Starting point is 00:03:02 you're not as succumbed to Whatever that little it's almost like watching a fuse on a dynamite being in LA. It's like you don't really know what's you're waiting for But you're milling around you feel like you're just in this eternal lobby Yeah, somebody told me like the the war on drugs and the war on terror are both weird ones because like you'll never win it You're never going to get a surrender from drugs. Yeah, you know, I will stop, you know Save a tear there might be like one guy out there. Everybody's like still like yeah So it's never over same thing with like trying to get fame or whatever the fuck you're chasing in LA It's like it's never done. Yeah, you're never at the top

Starting point is 00:03:41 Yeah, you're never at the top even as you meet celebrities. You realize there are higher up people you admire They're as scared as anybody dude. I've seen like high level like comedians and actors like taking those like Like needy pictures with other celebrities For Instagram like look at it. I'm like you're still climbing. Yeah, you're not at ease. Yeah, fuck Yeah, definitely it's a uh, and I think a lot of that's being more exposed kind of these days I think people see it more and it's I think the the younger generation they could their their cameras Oh, I mean they have it with them, but I've always realized think been envious of the guys that live in new york Um or guys that are able to just take a break and be like, all right. I'm going to do this for four months

Starting point is 00:04:24 I'm going to be here, you know Yeah, but being here with some things that it's been like it's giving me Well, I have a chance to have a home for the first time so I have a house. So that's kind of it's a little interesting Yeah, big jay was talking about that. I was like, can I just live like a human? Yeah, if I not earn the right now Yeah, not new york, not it Yeah, new york. Yeah, I don't know if you ever can in new york. Yeah, I asked the crowd at zany's I was telling some joke about somebody banging with a broom handle on my on my floor Um the downstairs neighbors. Oh, yeah, you guys live in apartments and like two people clapped. I'm like, oh, that's right

Starting point is 00:04:52 You guys are humans here You know live like fucking rats for way too expensive just for the close the proximity to Broadway. Yeah Yeah, I don't I don't know what I think about One thing it's like what are some things that's interesting About living here you get into more conversation like the guy. Sorry. We need to get a table on the other side We got not we can't get it. No, that's all I'm talking about. Oh, you are I give it with this hand Oh, it's funny because every time we have a guest I'll watch them literally have to drink like this They don't know how to do this. So we got to get that table. Yeah

Starting point is 00:05:25 We'll just yeah It's erroneous It is you built up this whole studio. You would think the second table would not be the thing holding your back Unbelievable Unbelievable. Um, but that's so you know as Sean is our producer and he does a lot He's he's table light. He's yeah, he's table light, but he's everything else heavy And he looks like George Washington. Look at him. Let me say Yeah, a little bit young George Washington

Starting point is 00:05:49 Remember when they said George Washington could not tell a lie. Yeah You believe that? I did when I was little except he had autism. That's all that means. I feel like yeah, maybe yeah Yeah, he's like, uh Autistic thunder. Yeah, he's like that guy josh at the comments. Remember you're like, am I funny? He's like, not that funny. I cannot tell a lie. Your shirt's wrong He'd always say it. So it always be so loud. Like that chick is hot like dude. She's here Yeah, and she's like and she just got a sex change, bro Let's let's she appreciates it bail off the pronouns. Yeah

Starting point is 00:06:21 um So yeah, I'm just I'm trying to really wreck my brain like what is some things that I think about uh One thing that's hard here that's really hard is getting stage time So like it's almost like if I really want to practice some comedy I have to go back to LA for a couple weeks And really set up a lot of shows. There's just not a lot of time here Your problem too is like you're getting famous now. So like, you know, I'm sure it's harder to come by honest workouts Yeah, I feel the the shows here feel like it's a race does feel like it's a road show kind of sometimes. Um I stopped into a fucking red band show in austin. Yeah, what was that like? It was great

Starting point is 00:06:55 But I'm like this isn't this is not going to ever be a workout They're already converted. Right. It feels like a like a who's who room. Yeah. Oh, I bet down there I just stand you might get some people who like recognize you but most people just like Next right, you know, yeah, LA and LA still feels like that too even when I'm there It's like it's nothing everybody just feels like you're working out comedy. Yeah, that's good. Yeah I guess there's enough big famous people there too where it's not like super special Well, nobody's that special unless you're like J Lo or J Lo doing stand up now. I don't know probably J Lo She's done. Is she dead? She's like 80 now

Starting point is 00:07:29 That's like me all my references are like big people from like 1997. Oh, that's a sad That's the toughest thing about trying to talk to girls You know if like if a girl's like 27 or 28 even you're like, uh, have you seen this movie? Dude, I was telling somebody who's in college. I was like graduating And I was like, uh Hey throw on uh ashiroth like uh, I love college. Yeah, he's like, all right grandpa. I'm like wait. What that was after my time Yeah, it's hard. I hate to make references. I had I took a girl on a date one night and I showed her my music app And it was apple music. She says use she's like use iMusic like you don't even have Spotify

Starting point is 00:08:05 And literally every part of me that had any confidence fucking jumped in front of my vehicle. Damn Damn, you're like, well, yeah, I'm older than you. Yeah, what do you mean? Why are you even here with me? You're into it. Fucking dumb bitch. Don't act like you're better than this um What's been going on man? So you've been you've been I see you got the you got a new tour going right now. Yeah um Yeah, I saw that post the other day the one you did the brody stevens a swingers tour or whatever That was a tough one. Oh, I put it out to the audience

Starting point is 00:08:36 I was like reading my tour and then some of them. I'm like god damn you guys fuck you But if it's funny, I'll like I'll post it. I'll you know Got out of the comedy, but do you feel like you have more of like a carte blanche like uh Uh, like I was watching louis special where he's like cats. Uh, louis, uh Ck, okay. Sorry. Yeah, louis ck. So the one online the one that's on the internet and he was talking about Oh, how once everybody knows what your sexual perversions are you're kind of free in a way like Like he felt so in a weird way. He felt so free now because he could kind of you know, like Like his like his moment like the world had seen his buttholes proverbial butthole, right?

Starting point is 00:09:21 So you don't have to pretend like he's a gentleman, right? Yeah, right. So a lot of the preferred nomenclatures or whatever were had, you know We're disappeared. He could just be the asshole. He is if he wants to be do you feel like any like Do you feel any like do you feel like you have like What is it any of that feel like like if you do you feel like you need to put out something edgy now? Or no, no, no. Yeah, some people like oh, you're just edgy, but I'm like, no, no, some of it's edgy. I do puns also We'll do some clean jokes. I'd like to mix it up, you know But then the edginess isn't gonna make them walk out on me, right?

Starting point is 00:09:52 Because they're already like They're there for it too. Yeah, you know anyone who's out of club at a downstairs basement club or dingy It's like third degenerates. They're drug addicts and fucking sexual perverts. They're not gonna be the fucking oh, this is too far Yeah, and if they are like, it's all right, man. You weren't supposed to be here. Come back next week Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah Yeah, there's always this hypothetical Creature that I'm performing to that's not even really in my audience. Yeah, but you're so worried that they're gonna be turned off Yeah, it's crazy how it holds you back if the guy who's not there remember when like you might be the old store

Starting point is 00:10:26 When there were like 10 people in the audience at like 9 30 like a crime It was still like no show really Tommy was doing music and doing yeah writing sheet music I remember walked up one night. He's writing out sheet music. I'm like this place is not gonna do well You gotta get Tommy on this podcast You gotta fly him out. Yeah, I would have him out. Yeah What was I gonna say? Oh, you were saying uh, oh, yeah, but people come up. So I'll be like just talk There's no crowd here and I'm like you're talking to the people who are here, right? You're talking to the wrong people. You're yelling at the empty chairs. But like they're not gonna hear you. It's only the full chairs

Starting point is 00:10:59 Yeah, it's weird how you worried about like you've gone up at the cellar, right? So like yeah Everybody's worried about what they're doing at the olive tree cafe instead of what they might think up there The people who are gonna go to the bathroom instead of like this audience is down for anything. Yeah, and then you're worried about like I don't know it getting out to people who aren't supposed to be listened to it Yeah, it's yeah, it's like it is there's just myth a lot. It's the same thing that keeps you in LA in a weird way It's that it's a mythological like Or is it that or is it this thing in my head that's always like man, I always want everybody to like me So yeah, maybe it's that maybe so you're worried about the ones who don't or might not right but

Starting point is 00:11:39 Because it gets on it used to be manageable when you were a kid and you're like in your group at school or something And like you could see maybe the one or two kids. It was more manageable Yeah But back then too was like you had to have a reason to not like somebody they had to do something wrong to you Right, you know and then at some point when you hit college or something You're like, oh, I can just not like people and then you realize like they can just not like me It's all right, but it is cool I started like I changed to the point where I'm like the ones who would like hate that style of comedy fun

Starting point is 00:12:06 Like offensive or like just on the line, you know, I started to like And the fans too started to enjoy their anger. Yeah, instead of being worried about it Yeah, because we're like we're such a fucking dork It's great And everyone's like everyone's having a good time You know, you're ready to show and you get some guy like mad at you I did a 9-11 joke a couple weeks ago in Providence and I'm just getting back into like really enjoying stand-up I'm not preparing for anything. So I'm like I got material, but like there were like six kids from Brown University in the front row

Starting point is 00:12:34 So I'm like, fuck the material for sale. Let me fuck around, you know, yeah, have a good time Yeah, that's some guy on the 9-11 jokes like hey, fuck you man And I was like what what's the matter and he was like your deliveries off And then I was like, what do you what do you mean like the speed at which I'm talking or like Like the material. Yeah, he was like The material like that's not really delivery. It's more content, but I get what you're saying. Yeah, it's the Giorno, dude But it's like but it's like I was like you must be extra mad that everybody else is enjoying it Yeah, and like those people everybody here's laughing the comic or whatever is prepared to make these people laugh

Starting point is 00:13:10 They're enjoying it and you're not just not enjoying it. You're angry It's like, of course, I'm gonna laugh at you You fucking dorks and there might be thousands of them, but it doesn't matter. They're dorks. Yeah Yeah, I think it's a while like That's also a choice too that if I'm sitting there and I'm because I've sat in a place where everybody's enjoying something And I'm the angry one. Yeah. Yeah, and dude that's like like my childhood for example so it's like it's like everybody it's like, uh That's a choice I'm making as an adult too. It's like I want to stand here in this quicksand and complain about the flooring

Starting point is 00:13:46 Yeah, you know, it is weird. It's weird. We're in a society now like somebody brought up Somebody we're just a Churchill or Gandhi or something somebody's like and then like I don't know what it was Sometimes like or with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and like, you know, she wasn't all good. She did this and this wrong and I'm like, man everyone's Given accolades this person Your first thought is to the bad and not even a joke like that's what you go to all the time Well, that's the media too these days man It's almost a perfect example like anybody does anything and they want to uh, like they all documentaries have to expose anybody

Starting point is 00:14:20 They never did anything good. It's like documentaries have to expose. I'm like, um What are you Alan documentary? Yeah, that's a good point But it's like really it's like wouldn't you just focus on his movies? Isn't that the good thing he did? Yeah, there's something that it's just I don't know if it's just like uh We want to bring everybody down or that it's just that that's become such a marketable thing Is that yeah, I guess that's what it is But it's like it's only because it's like a big thing. You know, you can get hits off it So like nobody's like

Starting point is 00:14:50 Doing a documentary about I don't know who about you, you know, and it's like yeah He might have the successful podcast right now But but you know when he was in high school, he fucked a fat chick. Yeah, maybe you don't know about the fat chick It wasn't always this thea weren't at the lakefront one night with him, you know And we bought some bad weed and kept smoking it to pretend we were fucking didn't waste our money pass it, dude Yeah Interview high school friends like yeah, we kept waiting for him to pass it and then he didn't pass it Yeah, and then he went back into that room with that fat chick. He's going to hell man. Yeah

Starting point is 00:15:21 Yeah, it's fun. It's uh, but do you do you feel like you have do you feel like I guess I wonder do you feel like More free or less free kind of after like you had everything happened Or do you just feel just does it even matter anymore? That's just one of the times that's happened It's just like the latest or like the ones that other people saw but like there's plenty of other ones where everybody like I did a fucking made fun of um Well, you see today's 9 11 you're already seeing The uh, I mean this will air later. I guess but like you see that or last week in 9 11

Starting point is 00:15:57 And uh Everyone's posting about themselves, you know and making about themselves like I remember where I was and I'm like It's just so funny to me one of the main is easy. He's having a tough day. You think it's a every year For sure every year. I have a tough day Just seeing the hacky jokes come at renazisi like around me. I'm like god. Damn everyone thinks are so fucking original I'm like dude. I've heard I've heard a thousand times Oh, yeah, he's I'm sure he's having a tough day Did you um, did you feel like it but I mean like oh here's what I was I posted one about um

Starting point is 00:16:30 Um, uh, Kenny rogers. Mm-hmm. Just like a roasters guy. Yeah, I called him a racist That's why I wouldn't have fried chicken only only roasted chicken and stuff And you get all these middle-aged people like you fucking suck. Fuck you. How dare you you know? It's like just little cancellations everywhere. Yeah, it's like this is why you'll never have a stand-up special And I'm like I have a few what are you talking about? We're watching some of your clips yesterday, man I'm trying to think of the bit that I was watching about it was in the comedy cellar Yeah, yeah, look how you just went up about a month ago, but it was oh

Starting point is 00:17:00 That Miami building falling down. Yes. Yeah, man. It's fun. Dude. I tell you know, it was a funny It was funny man. Oh the whole it was a great dude. I was sitting there laughing with my friend I hit it early. My mom told me about it. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't really know the news anymore and my mom was like, uh She's like, what do you I don't even know what you're talking about and she told me and then I started just doing bits about it Yeah, I remember a tell where I moved to new york. Uh, no before that He was like, uh, he did a joke about That austrian guy who had a sex dungeon

Starting point is 00:17:29 We had kept his the mom and the mom's kid down there He kept like a few people and I got he built a sex dungeon in his castle or something And he had a prisoner in there. Oh, I believe that kind of like the guy from cleveland, but like high level, you know Oh, wow. So like more wealthy. Yeah leader of the game. Joseph fritz. He's dungeon. Yeah And a tell was like, hey, this joke won't go over for very long But he's like, I got three weeks when people are like still know the news story and he's like that's his job It's like milk that news story. Yeah, I love that So, yeah

Starting point is 00:17:59 Oh, wow, that guy's a real dark artist right there. He's a real dark artist. Look at him. He looks like an glorious bastards Yeah, he does. He looks like a like a real mean crow just hit him in his brain Yeah, he would like He would stab you and like let the light fall out of you and he would never change that face. Yeah Yeah, this doesn't even get me hard anymore. Yeah, oh Sex slave would be so tough to be I feel But at a certain point you would probably just adapt to it, right? I mean, that's the interesting thing about being human or being alive. It's like you will adapt to different things

Starting point is 00:18:33 Whether they're good or bad you will adapt. I interviewed a hot early on in my podcast skeptic tank I interviewed uh, uh, you've been on it, but I interviewed a couple holocaust survivors And I was like, yeah, yeah Now is that because I feel like sometimes you in the jewish community team are just in you'd be like holocaust or like This is the last they keep saying this is the last holocaust surviving. It's like come on. I think we just Like we're talking about it's like the undertaker Another undertaker another robin That's what I feel like I feel like sometimes they keep bringing out like this is him, you know

Starting point is 00:19:06 He's not even jewish. It's just like dude. If I checked obama's birth certificate. I'm gonna have to check your birth certificate Where are you? Where are you born? Let's look at some docs, but uh go on you. Oh, and it was a how did you deal with it every day? And they were real they were both like you get used to it pretty fast. You just become like this is your reality Wow, it's just like and look at cova 2. It's just like it became the reality. Yeah pretty fast Did you find that whenever you ran into like Was it is it was it weird that the people knew you online? But in person they weren't nobody was did you run into people that weren't angry at you and had no idea

Starting point is 00:19:39 Like you'd walk past some Laker fans. They didn't care, but in in but online nobody cares in person right online is so different There's some comedians where they like normal in person and they're online. They're fucking crazy Oh, yeah, and you're like what but then you meet up again in person. You're like, oh, you're you're still a normal guy Who's that guy? Yeah, that's nuts. Yeah. No nobody ever in person. Remember the amazing racist stuff Yeah, so I've been dealing with death. Remember we worked on that thing because we did that chamois. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah With the events, right? Yeah, we did movie we're in that bad movie together with adrian bro with award-winning actor adrian brody He played second fiddle to us. Well, he played in the pianist. I think he played piano

Starting point is 00:20:21 But he was uh, god that movie was good That movie that we were in was the worst movie ever the worst movie ever and then he made it It was the it again. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was like no I don't accept that like oba when they were at least here They're like three years later. Like you guys didn't get it. We're gonna re-release and then it caught on vince believed in himself Oh, vince believed in himself like no in that was crazy, man. I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah, because diskey was like came to help This right? Yes Um, yeah, that was amazing racist man. That's when because they put that in the movie, right? Yeah. Yeah

Starting point is 00:20:52 He was like, can I use those? I'm like, they're not mine, but like we can make more. Yeah He's like really? I'm like, yeah, let's make more dude went down to the border It was great, but anyway, I would get tons of death threats early on I think I was like the first one to really so that's when I was the first one also like these aren't real you guys And that's when you get real mail too, probably. Oh, yeah phone calls. Oh, yeah. Oh, so listen. So dunking trussell He uh, I mean you gotta remember like the time I gotta be on his podcast soon dunking if you're listening You're going to be or you got well I keep saying shouldn't I come on your podcast because he came on one time and I owe him

Starting point is 00:21:24 You know, I feel like and I love talking to him. Oh, he's great. God. He's the best. So anyway, one ball. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, the sack still holds So you get I've touched it. So it's like sack like this, you know, and then if you touch one it just goes And the other one it's like full. Oh, it's like if you lost your limb in an accident or something Somebody can still some not like tickle you on it. No No, it's not a phantom It'd be like if they took out your bones from your arm and then your arm would still hold like straight down And then it'd be all like spaghetti. Oh, it's just an empty sack. Oh, that's wild

Starting point is 00:21:57 Yeah, like you're holding a grocery bag and you take out the groceries from the top But it still stays still holds a shape. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's almost romantic. It feels like yeah What was I gonna say about dunking? Oh, yeah, yeah, so early on so he he had put on so when those amazing racist stuff They got take it was a national ampoune sketch sketch and uh, somebody ripped it put on the internet early youtube when people like what the fuck is this? You know, everyone's like, oh, and then uh, so the if you googled my name the first thing that came up was dunkins old website artisticterrorist.com Oh, yeah, and he said like prank call my friend Ari Shafir

Starting point is 00:22:32 Here's his number the best prank calls. I'll send you 10 bucks or something like that if you prank call So if you googled my name, you didn't have to click on it. Just said Ari Shafir 3 2 3 6 5 6 whatever the number was back then Um, 6 2 2 5 or is that the store? I forget but anyway, um, and so then like you googled that's so I just started getting phone calls One after another after another like build a deck in your ass homes Yeah, it was at first. I was worried for real. I was worried a little bit But I feel like four or five months. It's like this is dumb. This is never gonna do it. It's just online. It's just the gamers And the internet was so good then took when you could do so there was so much more propensity for weird shit, man So nick mullen pointed this out to me. We're both trolls from like a long time ago

Starting point is 00:23:15 Start up a message boards and like you couldn't just like remember a special thing A special thing. Yeah, it was a it was an it was an alt comedy message board And they started writing about comedians. So first time comedians were being reviewed. No, it was mostly like was a sassy Getting rid of that fucking guy. No way way way before that It was still very positive and they would just like try to review shows and mostly comedy death rate Yep, special thing. They did some CDs eventually. Wow A comics comic that is him Yeah, it wasn't him. He was just probably reporting on it. Oh, I see. Yeah

Starting point is 00:23:49 2016 he's probably still a good writer back then But like, um Anyway So I'd go on there and you start an account. You can't but you can't just start a fake account They see zero posts and your first one is like, I don't know who were their heroes back then like Patton Austin I don't know who were their heroes back then like Patton Oswalt is not as good as you think It's like come on and you're clearly trolling. You're just showing up. You're just I don't care about anything The troll doesn't have any allegiance to what he's saying. The troll is just here to anger you

Starting point is 00:24:16 Yeah, so you'd have to like get an account going and like post like for like a couple months of like I love Patton Oswalt. I love brian posane. Uh, oh the louisie k-joke is great. Oh, yeah things are going well Yeah, have you seen this comic? He's so funny gore. How about gore? Yeah, yeah, yeah bush is bad, huh? Or whatever they need and then you start with the negative It's so great But it was takes a lot of work to really get a good troll. Yeah And and nick who's like are he's troll too. He's like, all right. This is the golden age of trolling Now you can just put out one thing and reach like a million people

Starting point is 00:24:51 It's the best time to make people angry over nothing. Yeah Yeah, and now it's like people are just waiting and now the the longevity of things don't even it's not even there I mean, it's going so fast. It almost is sadly. It's like even if you die. It's like that used to be a thing I remember like when a famous person would die. We'd be at school and like man, this shit is heartbreaking You know like like I remember we I told Jay Leno died one time We're going on like a camping trip for four days and so nobody knew that he didn't So I had this I was the only internet you get a rumor going so for four days, man People were bummed out in nice and it was like it was just trolling in real time. I was hugging people

Starting point is 00:25:29 People were just talking about doing impersonations I would use it to hug the fucking hot chick and like it's so sad about Jay Leno. She's like, who are you? Come on. Give me the hug you owe it to me. I know someone who died One girl made me only hug her from the back because she said I pressed my body against her. It's too hard from the first But then you could just touch her tits. Yeah, but she would kind of move my arms down the side by her arms It was it was pretty sad. Yeah I was trying to get a rub. Yes. She made me be like a seal almost it was almost like Well, like putting seals in line, but it's like when you get a strip where she's dancing on you go

Starting point is 00:26:03 Like she's like no touching you're like, yeah, but you could understand why I would It's not like unheard of Oh immediately I turn into a lawyer if there's a strip on your lap like but you yes But you see the situation there's a bit of a trap in on your part. I mean you are gyrating on my hard dick Um Yeah That's the best dude like when you did but they did find out that Jay Leno's still alive You're like well now enjoy this time. Yeah, you have a second lease on life with Jay Leno, but the best yeah

Starting point is 00:26:35 The best thing is I should have just uh But then when they found out there was no way for them to text you but hey Jay Leno's a lot like It was just you laying at home Just Knowing it's you have to know it's gonna pay off and you're not gonna be there for it was this like very Remote sardine type of thing where you just are like almost like when Andy Dufresne's just sitting in the place And you still hear the the record player playing and the world's beating on the door and he's just listening to that music You know in Shawshank redemption. Yeah

Starting point is 00:27:08 Yeah, dude, it's those were the days, but now that is gone And it's just a complete attack plus there's cameras everywhere too. So you can't even do crimes It's a different time. You gotta you gotta figure out the ways to to handle it I gotta tell you You've used a phone before some people never used a phone. Some people don't have any even have hands on their body But after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless If we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch

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Starting point is 00:28:41 Is there something interfering with your happiness? And I'm not talking about your wife or husband. I'm talking about something inside of you Do you have something in you that's just won't stop? Is it some worm you got that worm? Well better help They can help They'll assess your needs. They'll get you help The kind you need do you need someone to chat with you need someone to speak with on zoom, how do you need it?

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Starting point is 00:29:40 dot com slash Theo get 10 percent off and start living a happier life today This podcast is sponsored by better help and this past weekend listeners get 10 percent off their first month at betterhelp dot com Slash theo. I in college. I remember somebody asking me like, you know when you know somebody but you never fully learned their name But you've known them too long to ask. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and so like I remember him, but I don't know him Yeah, so if somebody goes like, hey, who is that about you?

Starting point is 00:30:06 Right. I'm like, what's his name again? I like I would always like that's john And then they would go to you Theo Vaughan They're like, and then they make a point to say your name because they just learned it. They'd be like, hey, john How you doing, buddy? All right. See you later, john You do that for like a day or two until like until you'd be like, no, i'm Theo man And then they come running back to you. Look, why did you tell me his name was john? You're like, right? I bet it's pretty embarrassing There's something about having like mild anarchy like that like

Starting point is 00:30:37 There was something that doesn't exist anymore and you can't lie about yourself anymore. That's one of the worst things It's like you can't lie about yourself anymore. You used to be able to be like, yeah, I'm going to you know I'm doing medical school or I was an orphan. I have a twin brother I've never met used to be able to like create an ambiance, you know, albeit false or whatever You know, you had comics who would like to say like when we started when I started the store It was like the internet wasn't fully going yet. It was a few couple years away You know, like I'm famous on the east coast. You know, oh cool. Are they I played football at this college Within a year or two, you're like, I can look up stats from every college football team of all time

Starting point is 00:31:12 And I don't see parisi in there So like I don't know what I mean I like why you didn't have any stats for the whole year and it's like the kick is up You gotta get unverifiable eyes, bro It wasn't your fault No What I'm trying to think of some things that I would tell back then a lot of it I felt like because I was so embarrassed about where we lived and stuff. I would just say poor right

Starting point is 00:31:36 Yes, I'll just say things to people like I was always to girls, you know, yeah, I'm just you know My family we were displaced or something because that's one thing about Louisiana You could easily get displaced like from what hurricanes hurricanes road and trees something like that. It's usually like a You know, we had a lot of crazy road and tree in our area and we had a lot of hurricanes So it was like road and tree road in the tree road and tree road entry Uh, what are you? I don't know. Yeah, no, uh, not Narnia What what's the big animal? Nutria new tree rats and then do the whether they if you if people

Starting point is 00:32:11 Oh homes got too infested or infected then. Yeah, yeah, they had all you had it and then you just give up your home Yeah, so we'd be like, oh, yeah, we had a nice. Oh, dude. Yeah, you ever eat one of those No, I never eaten them swamp rats, but we got a great question actually that came in for you Look this loser you can't take it dude. Why are you wearing your mask and you're just take it off If you want to make a fucking splash, dude, yeah, unless he has a gross chin then I guess leave it on Yeah, he's got that. He's hot. He could be hide and be with you. I think this guy looks handsome. Honestly. No homo, bro Dude, you can't really compliment people. It's not really doesn't really work that way Yeah, you're right man. This guy's got so many problems

Starting point is 00:32:51 I used to love doing that with Tebow and and and triply and uh, and uh, Who was that chick that was on the sports? So she's from suit issue cover big tits Can I be a shipper? No way later and then she got a little chubby. She did those like world of warcraft ads Kate Olson, Kate Upton, Kate Upton. Yeah, and they would talk about a hot shoe. I was like, meh Like what do you mean, man? My chin is chins off. I think it's so mad, but it's so much more fun to shit on people Yeah, anyway, fuck this guy. It sounds like it looks like Down syndrome Go ahead Down syndrome. Let's see if you can get your question out clearly if this guy's down syndrome

Starting point is 00:33:23 He is he's the Romeo of Down syndrome. He's crushing it. He is crushing Down syndrome. Yeah, this is guys down syndrome Yeah I'm going to hit your ass. All right Thup Theo Nick Ari Question for you. Is he jerking off? What was it like living in Ecuador this year? and

Starting point is 00:33:43 Did you happen to eat any kui aka guinea pig this guy's latino the way said Gang gang go lakers Fuck you, dude. Fuck the lakers. That wasn't a real championship. You cunt. How did oh my god, you fucking spring it on me All right, first of all, I'll let you apologize for making fun of the fucking Uh heads chin scarf before I realized what you were doing now. You were trying to hurt me and it worked, bro and it worked I didn't do you think he was being hurtful there. I felt like he was being kind of like Jabi hurtful fun. Really? Yeah, but I think in another way. He cares. He wanted to send in a question. He did care

Starting point is 00:34:18 Yeah, yeah, and he's not being mean I I feel like a lot are a lot of lakers fans forgiving to you if you if anybody said well generally laker fans are dumb They're like a not an intelligent species, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah You'll see them with their with their the flags all the time, but then they were they're bad They took the flags off because they don't really support the team, you know They're just kind of morons who need something to believe in. Yeah, because they don't have good lives good jobs good families The lives are ugly generally and um, and so it takes them making up, you know So they lash out but uh, but this guy seemed cool. I don't know

Starting point is 00:34:47 So they lash out. That's a great question though. And that's really what it's based on is that man Did you have any I did have a bunch of times it's guinea pig It's it's in the Andes in the Ecuadorian Andes, and I think maybe Peruvian. Um, so I went for covid too I went to Ecuador for six months. Yeah, I just fucking same as you but like I want somewhere else Did you um What were some things that were real nice about being out there? First of all, well Well, also the Cuy the guinea pig was so fucking it was like duck. It was so fucking good And I mean you'd have it at truck stops. You'd have a nice restaurants

Starting point is 00:35:19 It was but it's just this whole thing splayed out like this And like they'd leave their teeth on Yeah, but I mean I would just destroy it. Really? Yeah, one it took like you put it in a chili or something or chili No, oh, you can but does put a spit in it and then it just like turns So it's just like straight through his ass through his mouth Oh, dude, I used to sell them growing up. That's that shit is harrowing. I know that's one of the reasons why yes, too Oh, it was so fucking good. But there's other shit too. Isn't that putting anything in their butt like that? I guess when they're deceased, probably they do it, huh?

Starting point is 00:35:47 Yeah, they're already dead because we saw a bunch of them like like kind of skinned But the skin is so hard man. It was so good And what are they doing with the furs? Is there is there are you seeing things that they're doing with the furs? No, I didn't but they probably sell them or some or make like Shit out of it. Like they're poor there. So Yeah, can you look up Cuy fur for us? Yeah, I don't know why I didn't see that Um, but it was just being away from the american news Was that really nice? I didn't find out who won the election for like

Starting point is 00:36:15 Three weeks four weeks. It was a leaked text. We never found out. Yeah, I didn't know that to later I would be like I feel like to jazz. I hate don't tell me when the election goes. Well, it's nobody And I'm like, oh really like I was still figuring it out. Yes. Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's it top left It's so fucking it's so fucking good under a melon or something put whatever you want under. Oh, that's um, that's um It's these cheese things It's like cheese potato things. I forget what they're called now. How was the food down there? Now this is an eye so fresh so delicious. So this is a delicacy Cuy So this is a wealthy man's treat. It's like 20 bucks 25 bucks

Starting point is 00:36:53 See that's what breaks my heart then what yeah, yeah, yeah, not every but but like truck stop people could have it You could do a quarter, you know But not every day although some people like just caught their own they're everywhere Oh, really? Anthony Bourdain was like when he went down. I didn't see if I heard he did a Episode there and he was like this could solve world hunger, man Just get over the fucking second grade shit when you saw him when they were cute. You'll be great Yeah, that's the part I think is the tough part because they're really they're almost like a pony Just really compromised into a really small space what I got lucky in is is um

Starting point is 00:37:26 Like a ground pony first. I had one and then I went to uh, the the equator goes through there And they have this little setup and they're really good about education of all the different indigenous people there and all the different parts of their country and the Galapagos or the amazon to the mountains and different just tribes and stuff And so in this exhibit they had a bunch of guinea pigs Um, and they were like this is a part of the Andean Um tradition and stuff like that, but I already eaten it But man those guinea pigs are so fucking cute that I don't know if I could have after I saw those guinea pigs They're so beautiful, man. I mean that's the thing that that's one thing

Starting point is 00:37:58 I think that's real fascinating about them and a lot of where I'm from they use them to teach you about your grandparents A lot of people they if your grandparents getting sick your family get your guinea pig and then the guinea pig dies And that's how you learn about and then the grandparents like oh, that's gonna happen to me Yeah, what or the parents will say this is gonna happen to grandpa. You know, oh to the kids. Yeah, it's like a It's a little gateway to death a little stair step. Can you google it on the cute one? Can you just look at that cute picture of them? There we go. I wonder if that's I mean that look at that Oh

Starting point is 00:38:28 peru I mean look at the delicacy. Yeah, it's Now what's the what's the media's part that backstrap that rump? Underneath the belly. Oh Yeah, the skin is so hard that you really can't dreams to where it keeps its thoughts. Yeah, I gotta have a family I'm gonna get a family. You know, yeah Oh, this one like tribal music, what did you ate that you ate it and you knew what they liked, you know, wouldn't that be crazy? They were into

Starting point is 00:38:54 Yeah, I would like if you really want to go delicacy you find their family keep them alive while they like let them watch you eat They're dead the provider And that right there is our severe that is a perfect example of our severe of going to a level that you would put one under a bright lamp He's sitting there. It tapers eyelids open. Yeah, dad. No Wow, that's amazing, man. Yeah, so like so like no news none of the anger when they did the fucking Now do you have a phone on you? Yeah, but with an Ecuadorian number, right? So I could check it online. I would do zoom podcasts here there

Starting point is 00:39:33 It wasn't as like a way as I'd really like to be but still like they don't give a fuck about I gotta try to avoid the newspaper to see if I could not like find out the election But then I did see a newspaper and it wasn't reported. Wow. It's like not their country. Why would they care? so like none of the shit it became what's that song at uh The only news I needed is a weather report. Hmm. Um, who is that? Not Bell and Sebastian. No, it's uh fucking like two oh

Starting point is 00:40:00 Dan and Shea not Dan and Shea. I just met Shea though. He's a nice guy. Is he? Yeah, they did a song with Justin Bieber that I really like Um, yeah, that's it. Simon and Garfunkel, but it's just about like it's the only living boy in New York That's right. Um, it's just like that that lyric like the only news I needed is whether this is the only thing that's gonna help me Is is it nice out? Oh, that's a good point. The rest is just you know, someone's just like can you believe you want to get angry? Watch this thing. You want to be like oh it totally is So then why do we do it then? Why do we go for the? Why do we yeah, why do if I know? Yeah, and Jordan Peterson says he thinks a lot of this is just we're unable to

Starting point is 00:40:43 It's so strong now like the way it's packaged the way it's put together. It's in the phone. It's in the screen It's like it's so addictive that we can't escape, but it's it's it's tough because it's like sometimes I will make the choice I know if I look at this how I'm gonna feel Yeah, and I'll still do it, you know, but it's like, you know when like you ever hear somebody talk shit about you Somebody's like hey, so-and-so was saying so and and it's like It's of course gonna make you mad and it should but it's also like why are you telling me that dude? Why would you tell me about gossip? That's not supposed to be to me Right, you know that's you guys talking about me like I why did you share it?

Starting point is 00:41:20 You just gonna make me feel bad. It's not like like hey watch out that guy's reporting to your boss You better do something about it right right. It's like I can't even do anything about it It's like so why it's it's like you're the asshole for spreading it. Yeah remember that guy who fucking spread Tony Hinchcliffe's like Joke that he was like rift on this comic and he's like making fun of them and then the guy's like this is hurtful to the Asia Community and then he spreads it to fuck it from 70 people to 70 million and you're like the why you hurt in the Asia community You can't yeah, or it's the same thing when like somebody will say a certain word than I supposed to say somebody'll drop the m bomb Sure, sure or do something or you know kik e or something. Is that the just a bag?

Starting point is 00:41:57 No, it doesn't it doesn't have the same it doesn't no. Oh dang well. They got to tell us that dude We would use it. Yeah, you know Everybody free reign go for kik. It's back, but uh, but it's like it's back Not a single I mean it's I don't know when the last time a Jew would have been upset about kik. Oh, wow. Yeah Yeah, oh, yeah, we got to let people know that write that down Yeah, interest rates. Don't say interest rates. Yeah, kik go for it Um, but it's like Uh

Starting point is 00:42:29 But then here's what here's what here's the messed up part the group making the article. They're the ones then spread it's like They're the ones spreading and then profiting off of it. That's what always burns me It's like you're just telling people this so you can make money You're the one really telling everyone. Yeah, Gia Tolentano this this writer. She's right for vulture. I think one of those like Things that makes everybody angry, you know And she wrote this great book trick mirror and and it's all about internet culture and stuff like that and she goes people used To get mad at me for the articles. I wrote not understanding that my editor told me to write articles that would make people mad Yeah

Starting point is 00:43:07 And it's like it's like I mean that's what i'm going for. Yeah to get you angry enough to come back to this fucking magazine Yeah, yeah Yeah, I mean steven a smith does he good I've heard I've heard stories from the production of their steven a smith and skip bales and those guys that They have no idea what they're even saying anymore. They are literally just putting out as many clips as they can Of controversial stuff controversial. Yeah, you want that to for it to go. Yeah Well, I remember whenever like so whenever you had so whenever you had the thing with the lakers with the kobe thing Did were you shocked at how some comics treated you or behave towards you or responded?

Starting point is 00:43:42 Yeah at first But I mean like you can't really be upset when you try to troll people and you do troll them You know and you get them to be upset I mean like interesting. I like to root against the lakers, but like It's just sports, you know, I don't really care But I've been shitting on the lakers for for 20 years since they started killing shows in LA during the playoffs I'm like fuck the lakers. Oh, that's a good point. I started really reveling in the fucking hatred of them Oh, that would be the worst to do that happened to me a couple times

Starting point is 00:44:07 We're like, oh, yeah, we're not going to do it tonight because they made it to a game five I'm like it's it's game fucking four and they're up three nothing and it's the first round like come on You fucking fair where their cunts come out to the The comedy underground place in the lakers. I will say it seemed like they just it's just too stacked I don't like these stacked the whole thing. They're fucking collusion for sure Fuck them this whole bot team now That's and that's a fake championship last year. It was an aiu fucking championship Nobody respects that as a real championship two years ago. Yeah. Yeah two years ago

Starting point is 00:44:37 But yeah, it's like you fuck but then we at first I was like god damn you guys come on Don't you know it's just a comic making a joke like what are you doing? Why would you take this stance? But then you're like Step back. You're like, no, I got you. I mean you you got angry at me trying to make people angry at a fucking easy thing Yeah, that's interesting. I was thinking about that last night like does like It's weird when you walk the line because you want to have you want to get people upset, but you don't want to get them So upset that they're like

Starting point is 00:45:09 So like a couple line crosses to me were like, you know, it's like they call like not me but like other people They call my manager at home like we're come fuck you up. Yeah It was always latinos, dude. Yeah or blacks or whatever, but or just dumb laker fan It's like no one's from london gave a fuck about that, you know And they were like, huh, I mean if I'm gonna find in front of runy or something They'd be like, don't do that, you know, but it's just like yeah, I triggered you But I did enjoy that all these comics are like if you don't like a joke just leave the room It's not that hard and then they got one that triggered them and then they didn't know how to just leave the room

Starting point is 00:45:42 They had to take the stance of some jokes go too far for the first time in their lives They were like some jokes go too far and I'm like, yeah, I feel like I exposed them Into hypocrites. It was great. I really enjoyed it And that's what I was thinking yesterday because I even watched like a reaction that I had to when it happened and I was like Yeah, I was trying to man and it's different because I feel almost differently now you watch it back It doesn't even have like the same doesn't have the notch, right? So people like too soon. I'm like, well, no if you wait too long Which is always the issue with timing of jokes just like you're saying with chappelle like with uh

Starting point is 00:46:17 david tell And dave obviously is a big name for good comedians that it's realized that chappelle and a tell. Oh, yeah Regular name like dave get you there chappelle david tell dave taylor the top three top three dave's David duke also Great leaders of great early troller Yeah, he was like, I actually love juice and blacks. I just say shit. It gets me votes for sure I like wearing white. What can I do?

Starting point is 00:46:43 Oh, yeah, I even look I even put this on late september. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, after thank you um But no, I that that's one thing looking back. I was like this is also fascinating because it's like it made me wonder. Well What what choices am I making and talking about because I'm scared of repercussions? What choices am I making and talking about because do you get involved with a mob because like the mob is like Well, let me go with them. I might not agree. But let me just walk the line And there's a safety in that too. There's a safety in that dude

Starting point is 00:47:12 I remember they had a news thing that came out like a few years back about me It was just about it wasn't anything real bad, but it was just it wasn't anything bad really It was just something about my life and it was but it was on I remember being at the gym and seeing on the ticker on the bottom of like It was a slow news day. Yeah, and they had my name on there. That's cool And I was like, oh my god every but this but it was so scary to me. Well, they say you're a fake mullet They say yeah, yeah, you've been clipping on your mullet for years like Sowing it in

Starting point is 00:47:46 Sean comes over with Betsy Ross and sows it in the back of my head. We gotta get it ready. I'm like Like oh, you can't mention this by the way, so It's a dude. I was in Thailand at this fucking hippie place once and some ladies sold tie-on dreads for white people So they could live the life of the week that they were there But here's the crazy part so whoever buys those and puts them on they get in trouble for cultural appropriation But the business of it just keeps totally fine. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, who do you think sells those black lives matter shirts? It's just a white dude. It's like, I don't give a fuck I'm making this in Indonesia and I'm fucking cashing in

Starting point is 00:48:21 But yeah, so how'd you feel when you saw your name of the ticker or what happened it may I felt overwhelmed I remember calling the publicist this guy Rob Greenwald is a great guy Is it? Yeah, Rob is a great guy man. Great guy. Well, Rob. I remember dude. I just now remember I saw him out He went to see your Jew taping of the or Jew You were running at the comedy store and I saw him right after and he's like, I'm Jewish man And uh, and I love you know, he was just saying how much he loved your special. I just remembered that um But anyway, uh, so yeah, I just remember just texting him or email him and I did like, dude, I just make it stop

Starting point is 00:48:54 I don't want here's what it was. It was too much Stuff that was out of my control happening at once. Yeah that I had no control over like little articles and um It was about dating. I dated like a real housewives lady, right? And so It was just a slow news day. So for some reason it was just But I remember being in the gym and seeing it go on the ticker and I'm like, what? Isn't there a stalker? That's how you found out about it. That's supposed to be on there. Yeah And then I remember and then it was all over and I remember texting my manager Um, etai rice and this guy and Rob Greenwald just being like guys, can you make it stop? And it wasn't

Starting point is 00:49:30 It wasn't even bad But it was just something that was so out of my control And I feel like for me as a comedian is that you always want to be able to control your little world and that's what's so scary about The media and the way things are nowadays is that there's is there's these other Title waves sometimes that you have to be willing to fuck and ride Yeah, yeah, you have to like sit back on like if you want a poker bear You can't be that mad when the bear swings back, you know, because that's like that's and I'm too afraid I think

Starting point is 00:49:56 Whereas you're like a kelly slater I feel like you're willing to be out there on the way like I didn't like all the negative stuff But like the act on itself that troll was maybe my best one. I mean, I brought a city to its knees Oh, yeah, you know, I mean so like it would have been nice if it was two weeks after my special taping instead of two weeks before Oh, yeah, but like I crushed that town dude. I fucking crushed that town. I crushed all of LA comedy I exposed them for the fucking garbage hypocrites with no integrity that they are Yeah, with just a little pinprick of negativity on my own account and you just watch them spread it Oh, it was the best one. It was the best one. Well, so now you need help. Where do you get it? Where do you find it?

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Starting point is 00:51:31 Fiverr.com received 10% off your first order by using code Theo Find all the digital services you need in one place fiverr.com slash Code Theo. Sorry. That's code Theo again. That's fiverr.com code Theo It's good to see the men back out there And i'm not talking about civil war reenactments. What i'm talking about is draftkings.com football Men doing football The official daily fantasy partner of the nfl. That's right

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Starting point is 00:52:47 Was there how long did it take you to get over like because i'm sure there was discomfort with it, too I mean i was i felt discomfort just because i just remember Like is this so out of his control that it has to be harrowing and yeah, it's weird because like so like we're comics Right, so anytime something like that happens. We want to express it and like make jokes about it But then it was like they were doing this thing where they were taking my my twitter feed and they'd be like Like galvanizing on there and like doxing other people in my life. That's why they put my manager's Number and address on there and i'm like what And so rob was like dude you gotta you gotta take that tweet down

Starting point is 00:53:23 You gotta like they're using it to attack others and i'm like god damn So you had to like make stuff right but like i want to just keep going back at them because who gives a fuck You know Yeah, duncan was like you should like make a bunch of stuff saying they threw a bathroom all through my window Make it crazier crazier like tim dilla That would have been perfect if tim dillon was really on his hype train at this Really was on his horse because he's so good at just carrying stuff out into the ether, you know um

Starting point is 00:53:50 Yeah, we did have a fun one me and burt and uh and uh and tom and we're all talking about and rogan and then we're like laughing about it and stuff privately laughing about it, you know publicly he's called it worse than 9 11 and the and the fucking Hurricane is that what joe said? No, but You know it's like tarot like 9 11 or or a tsunami or coby bryant's death But in la it feels like it really is it's their hurricane ida. It's like it really is like they did not like you bring it up That fuck it. Do you remember when phil nicholson was great?

Starting point is 00:54:21 But hadn't won a major and it was like that thing, you know that rape that that rape thing was the thing So that's what you poke at, you know, but like they hate you bring it up. Yeah, they hate you bring it up They'll go after anybody who does That chick from westworld mentioned it and they fucking went after her so fucking hard That rap report dude fucking went after her so fucking hard until she had a rap reports a freaking snake, dude That's funny. Yeah, he's a man Yeah, ever that's what he is. It's what he is. Yeah But is he just a troll?

Starting point is 00:54:53 So it's seriously that's his art form, right? His art form is to be a not a contrarian But but but like i'm angry about an instigator almost not an instigator, but just to be mad about something Yeah, he'll walk along like those fucking it to fuck like a 20 year old walk Like I know he looks at that thing and you see him on the screen But that's a grown man walking on the sidewalk talking to his cell phone. Yeah, so like but that's his thing Right, so you have to allow him to do his thing. You can't be mad just because the thing got pointed at you Right once, you know, he's looking to like shit on things. So like Yeah, because that's the weird thing when you pushed it when you push that on

Starting point is 00:55:30 respect You because that's what's so interesting. So he you want to get as much hype as you can out of stuff But when it gets to when that when that freaking big like when the big spin of the wheel really stops right on you it's almost like it's uh It's too much that's it's almost just like telling a joke and it just is too far It's like it's like when you because you're always risking telling the joke. That's the line You want to be right there at the line? Yeah, you want to be right there a lot

Starting point is 00:55:59 But the thing is so like that guy in Providence who was like fuck you it's not funny to him It was over the line, right? The rest of the crowd was fine, right? And then you got to sink Who's your crowd? So if that if he tells that at a 9-11 memorial Well, you're gonna get a lot more people than who were there in that Providence room They're gonna hate me and say that was a terrible joke shouldn't have done it Right Louis fucking parkland joke what they didn't went out to a bunch of people who never should have heard it Right and like know your audience and it's like, yeah, we do know our audience It's my twitter followers or my audience in the room. It's not the people who aren't there

Starting point is 00:56:30 Yeah, it's strange, but it's funny too. I don't know you got to respect people doing their art form You got to respect people doing what they do and if one of the things is like hot button topics and Personally, I remember one of them one of my many like I mean I've been through these things before So I prepared for it, but one of them um from a special it was like somebody got mad at me for for doing a bit about them and uh and um Eleanor and Diaz were talking she's like oh it was pretty bad, but Diaz like yeah, but that's our friend And I know it was like oh, yeah, yeah, you're right like in the story So right in the story like you don't have to say anything if it's about your buddy

Starting point is 00:57:06 But now we're in this world where it's like I need to be first to a fucking You comment or yeah, you have people and they and then also other people start hitting you up. What do you think about this? What do you so you didn't everybody there's all like well, they've asked us they've asked me multiple times about like to speak about Now I'm not even saying this but some of the people we know have come up in the news and like offstage stuff Oh, yeah, and like when are you gonna mention it and and I don't even respond but the answer is never That's a friend of mine. That's someone I've shaken hands with right even if I don't hang out with them all the time What are you talking about? I'm not gonna lose my fucking humanity so I can fucking speak to a bunch of strangers

Starting point is 00:57:44 See that's interesting because I saw I then because I'll look back on things I'm like why did I really feel like I had to speak why did you it's this feeling that'll pass So you can learn from it and next time not do it, you know, but like There's there's you just don't have to yeah, just don't have to I saw Yeah, so I wonder where does that come from for me? Is it like a fear? Is it like? Yeah, I think it's probably some fear of everybody not liking me Same thing posting a black lives matter square. It's like if you don't are they gonna look at me? Are they gonna be mad? But it's like oh, dude, I put up my black lives matter square. I didn't know what to do

Starting point is 00:58:15 I was kind of spooked I guess yeah, because I'm trying to do a Netflix and in my head I'm like well if I don't do the Netflix festival is gonna happen. We've already gone down this road the deal's there I'll lose it. Then I'm like they'll take it and I won't be able to get it back It's like all this stuff gets hit stuck in your head kind of and also I have black friends I know what's going on the first time some a black woman hits me up and it's like you you did this all wrong Motherfucker, this ain't the right shade or something exactly. That's why And you want to be like no, you're not the right shade of black high yellow Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know it's like I don't know but no it's no it's interesting because it makes me look at myself

Starting point is 00:58:51 Like yeah, why do I feel the need? Who do I feel like do I feel like I have to defend? And then sometimes you also want to be there to kind of defend or or help soften some of what the blow is Right, so with Tony I was trying to do that. That's what I did. That's what I tried to do too And even at the end I remember the thing I was talking about you. I said I didn't Then it's what he's going for so you have to recognize that that's what he's going for like the way things land and the If it hits that trampoline then it hits the whole world. It wasn't I don't know if it's supposed to or not Yeah, it was a great one for sure. Would you do it again? You think or did you have any percent? Yeah

Starting point is 00:59:28 I mean, there's no way I can't because here's the deal man. I've committed to to this life and and and by this life I don't mean offenses. I mean doing the jokes that I find funny whenever I find them funny And that's one that's one thing I really admire about you the most man Thanks, buddy So so if you start considering the repercussions And not like more repercussions like like I yeah, I'm not going to go to somebody's funeral and do that That's the wrong place, right? But I'm like no I'm doing it to my audience I can't be worried about if it's going to take a thing. I have a nice life

Starting point is 00:59:57 And I'm completely free. Yeah, so I'm not going to give that up because I might have more money or be able to do more things And like by the way, I took a lie detector on this on Legion of skanks Like do you regret the coat between I'm like, oh, I have to go back. Yeah Absolutely crushed The reaction maybe but it would have been nice with people like hey guys, that's what a joke is you have to allow comics to make jokes Right, right, right and that's really I think that's the thing that We should all be saying we should all be letting each other because we want to tell young comics We will get your back if the line moves behind you

Starting point is 01:00:31 We're not talking about action. We're talking about whatever you're trying to do for a joke We will have your back young comics. Yeah, we will always say like and and not to say like hey, I didn't find it funny But it's just right not leave that shit out Just be like yeah guys clearly. Here's the joke. Here's what he's going for right. Well, did you find it funny? Like what's the difference? It's got nothing to do with it There's plenty of like Specials from comics or that aren't funny that I would never mention because it's not offensive, right? So you're not like

Starting point is 01:00:57 This guy's special wasn't good like you wouldn't say that so why would you say it when they're under attack? Yeah, it's nutty. I have had a few people apologize to me a couple like black comics specifically. It was like No, he's he's an actor. He's fine. No. No, he did was like, I told you I had to say something He's not like actually right. That is a good essentially pretty good person to go Me and Sam Arilla say there he came up to me. I thought I was gonna beat me up And there's like I told you I'm gonna say something. All right, buddy. And then Sam's like are you gotta respect the honesty? I guess so. Yeah, that's true too. I think is yeah, like if somebody can say yeah Everybody's playing kind of their game or playing the best game that they can

Starting point is 01:01:34 Yeah, but my yard came up to me. It was like, dude when I saw that I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And then somebody's like, oh, I get it like you make fun of like dead celebrities because you're poking fun at like The people who overvalue these lives of celebrities like I get it now. I didn't get it at first. Oh, thanks or or Karim Green was like, uh, not Karim Green Jimmy Martinez was like, uh, yeah, I said some shit about your man, but I shouldn't have I get it now. I get what you're doing. I should have I should have like defended you as a comedian I'm like, thanks for saying that. Yeah, so a few people did but You know, now that the emotions are gone

Starting point is 01:02:06 But it's also fun when you see people still mad about one of the many like lines I've crossed. Yeah, still angry Somebody's the other day was like putting out a Beyonce tweet that I made Like what about this? Yeah after lemonade exactly. I'll never forgive you. Okay Okay, okay. I'm definitely gonna think you're a dork Wow. Yeah, that's fun. I don't know. It's fun to fuck with people. No, it's I it's like But it's also it's just the preservation of it all man And that's why I appreciate even talking about with me with this because I started to feel Yeah, that's what I was thinking like

Starting point is 01:02:39 When is it okay? When do I feel pressure to defend the freedom of speech? We've been talking about a recent with like Um, like people not want to do the flag and it's all kind of stuff It's like not one to like, you know, like or like a teacher took the flag down in her classroom And like didn't have it in there and like my teacher when I was growing up like She made us all kind of do it or at least asked us to stand there like whether or not she It was just like to kind of corral us. It was like kind of a unifying at least she care Yeah, yeah, I remember that and it was like, I don't know if I cared as much as a kid It's not like I was standing there

Starting point is 01:03:10 But I like, you know, our teacher did it. It was like she was our liaison and then now a teacher was like Uh, I put the flag away. It seems like there'd be a thing of trouble in my classroom and And now at first I was like, man, I felt like maybe she shouldn't have done that but then I'm like You got it. Freedom of speech is freedom of speech. The problem is there's just everybody's speech can get everywhere now Yeah, and I don't know if it's a problem. It's just a curve. We're still It is weird because so there's like there's like you have different selves, right? The way you talk to me is gonna be way different the way you talk to a pastor, right? Way different to talk to your mom, um, your high school friends is different than your comedian friends. You have many selves

Starting point is 01:03:48 And now it's just like coming together into oneself and mark zuckerberg's talked about this And it was like this is a problem because you're losing all these different masks you wear in different situations You know, I might have a curse in front of my mom, right? I might but I'm like, I'm like trying not to but you and I Who can't I might even think twice about it, right? You know am radio or FM radio versus podcast, right? You know, it's just like you get that's lying in your head and zuckerberg says no I think there should only be one self To everybody and I think that's dangerous because when you lose like artistic

Starting point is 01:04:19 Differences you lose like wild strokes of of of art when everybody's trying not to offend anybody It's like you're not even supposed to be here. What am I worried about? Right? Well, that's what it feels like then It feels like I'm not even supposed to be here because it's an Fat it's an unrealistic expectation of a human Right. So then I start to feel like it's crazy when you said that it just hit me I feel like well, why am I even here? This isn't a safe world for me to even be in because That's impossible because they're throwing you to everywhere. You wouldn't even be every wolf

Starting point is 01:04:52 I remember when I remember it hit me the first time it hit me was Cecil a lion Remember that some dude killed a lion in Zimbabwe or Zaire? Maybe let's hope Zimbabwe or Zaire Cecil a lion Zimbabwe Oh, yeah, I remember this thing. They killed a black man. This dentist killed him and uh It was an arrow by American recreational big dumb hunter. Yeah And uh, and everybody was real real mad

Starting point is 01:05:17 um They hated them. I remember talking to a cab driver. We just heard on the news. We both bonded like fuck this guy Fuck this dentist dude. Fucking killing a lion Cecil. Yeah, beautiful lion Cecil Although they put that name in and the name also kind of urban makes you think oh this guy Yeah, this guy didn't make a sports squad or something And I remember being legitimately angry and then I found out later a little bit more where it's like Oh, no Zimbabwe gives out like 40 Permits to kill lions here because I have to keep the population down because when you hear more stories like

Starting point is 01:05:47 Yeah, lion killed my brother, man We need to keep the population down if they're too close to fucking whatever rogan pointed out for a guy for For a tiger a lion to get a black mane. That means he's way old. That means he killed tons of fucking lion cubs That lion probably killed like 20 lion cubs But we had the story of like I'm supposed to be mad at this dude who killed Cecil And then you find out more and more about it. You're like, oh, no, this was totally legit, right? Um, well, also, I love how they put his born date on here. Like is it you know I'm saying just to add to that Just to add to the oh look. He was only 13. Like he was in junior high school or something. I think that's an old lion

Starting point is 01:06:22 Yeah, he was a park Land survivor But then it hit me like whenever i'm angry about these things like they're probably hiding a detail or two to make Me angry, right hinge cliff two though Like they just hid details to make you angry and then they'll reveal the details later, but the emotions already there You're like, no fuck this Yes, that's what's interesting or they hide like louis asked to jerk off in front of lots of people who said yes And then they just don't include that in the story, right? He's like that dolphin. He's like the dot trick dolphin. Yeah

Starting point is 01:06:49 What do you mean? I like the dot, you know, it's like let's see him do his trick You know, hey, I'm sure there's been parties where people are drunk and like hey get louis in here He'll jerk off and yeah, yeah, and everyone's totally cool with it And then suddenly you leave all those out and it's just like you just show one thing like if they just show Me calling bobby lee uh a gook, you know, but they cut out him right before call me a kike, right? It looks really bad But then like you have to show all the context and if you show it later Let people like nah still I've already decided i'm angry This is one another reason I knew people like are married to their anger when those amazing racist stuff came out people like

Starting point is 01:07:19 That's so fucking up. How dare you fucking do that? It was so funny. You were doing that vote. Yeah But I'd pick people up at home depot They were working and they're driving to an ins building and then people get mad and then I was like By the way, you know Those were actors I paid them 50 bucks, right? And I drove them back that they're not even like workers. They're just actors They filled out like a form and we paid them and they did it and people like oh still I'm like wait

Starting point is 01:07:46 You're just as angry. You thought I was picking up undocumented workers and driving them to the ins And then you found out I'm just doing a sketch about it and you're equally as angry Not even a little less angry and you're like no no people just get married to that anger Yeah, what is that? Why do we not we don't it's a weird emotion, huh anger? It isn't but then also to not let it to not then be willing. Yes. All right. That's what's also interesting Yeah, it's like and I'm right and it's like uh, it's fascinating man. I appreciate you let me think about this with you because it's Yeah, it's fascinating about it ourselves because I've done it too. I feel like I'm fairly like Yeah, I jump to it. Sometimes it depends on how I'm feeling that day

Starting point is 01:08:28 Well, I remember with the tony thing the henchcliffe thing out with the asian comedian I heard he's been doing that all week and it's like um And that they were fine with it or but why didn't they why didn't the comedian ask him first? It's like sometimes it's like the use of it. How are you if you're just using this as like a springboard for yourself? That's the thing too. It's like it's a weird thing in comedy now I think it's because we got too big and now we're like worried about keeping our fame and our podcast advertisements and all that shit and it's like Dude, we were making 20 grand a year and we're able to give up money like it was nothing

Starting point is 01:08:59 And now they were making or some people not me but some people making millions and now it's like I can't afford to lose 20 grand Right, and it's like what do you mean now more than ever? You shouldn't give a shit But Yeah, I don't know but like uh no one could just be like But it's also I think we might be going we might have been going through the ad app adapting to it. Yeah, maybe You know the internet's making people sick too. Oh, dude. I think they caught the sickness a lot of people caught the sickness I think a lot of times I you know, we'll stop like nicotine and things like that

Starting point is 01:09:32 But it's like there's nothing that's killing us more than this constant reflection of ourselves and the unable to meet the demand of Of an unrealistic expectation that's put in front of you constantly I struggle with it getting offline completely. Yeah, it's hard man. You know, we make our money not being off You know, we make our money being on there. So it's like right. I mean I ended my twitter account Probably five months ago. I just like this is all negative now twitter is all negative But I know I gave up a lot of money doing that right Um, you're like, I'm gonna say I'm gonna admit that if you have five percent of my money It's gonna come from either views or people seeing links promoting my show exactly

Starting point is 01:10:07 I'm like, I can't do that anymore, but like it's not healthy for me. Yeah um Yeah, I don't know. We got to combat in ourselves somehow I don't know how to do it and I think some of it is just you're learn, you know, you learn as things come through You know, it's like I think you got to regulate the internet man Dave Smith I was talking to him about he's a real big libertarian like he helps me make my views on like on politics in general Just like if I'm not hurting anybody, what's the difference? You know Do cocaine in your own home like what's the difference? Don't drive and drink, you know, that's hurting other people right but drink at home

Starting point is 01:10:41 What's it? You know, I don't care drink yourself death. Yeah, it doesn't matter but like But so he's like well, you know the internet's like you're free not to use it But I'm like, well, you're not really socially free not to use it. You're not they've made it so you need it for almost anything Yeah, it's apple pay with fucking you can't get a city bike without your fuck If you unless you have one of the old keys, you can't get a city bike without your cell phone You can't take us to a movie and shit. So it's like they've made you need it and especially social media They've made you need it. You can't exist that mommy blog groups are on facebook You can't right be a mom and not

Starting point is 01:11:14 Trade information with other moms and they're not going to be off facebook. They're going to be on facebook You have to be on there and we didn't agree To hate our friends. We didn't agree to let you make me hate my friends and my brothers and my fucking relatives We didn't agree to that right and you guys did that to us without our permission And I'm like, no, that's not allowed. You're hurting us. It's not just stomping on your floor It's stomping on your floor when someone believes below you, right? It's like no So I hate regulation, but at some point like we didn't give you permission to do this to us It's tough. That's the thing. It's like I hate regulation, but I've thought like tech is the new fossil fuel

Starting point is 01:11:51 That's what I say a lot of times. It's this weird thing where it's like There's people like we'll just get off of it. It's like then I can't order anything I can't like there's no And even if you try to go, this is the saddest part yesterday I'm looking for a bed and breakfast, right? And I don't want an airbnb. I want to find a bed and breakfast I want to find two senior citizens probably deceased in the back room You know what I'm saying? Who I go in, I have a reservation. They didn't even know about it And I find their bodies in there. You know what I'm saying? Like I want a real bed and breakfast

Starting point is 01:12:22 I want a fucking scone, bitch. Yeah, the advertising though is all Straight to airbnb, everyone you go to it somehow So it's like you had to go two pages in to even find something That was like a regular airbnb, you know, and it's like it also that's shit That's really more damaging than some of this stuff. The anger inducement like that's bad for sure, but like Algorithms in general it takes away your ability to be exposed to new things even like Like Spotify, you don't think Spotify is evil in any way and it's not evil at their core But like they're giving you music that they know you will like right now

Starting point is 01:13:00 You and I are hanging out Let's just say and I'm putting on some of my music that your your algorithm wouldn't expose you to But you're like, oh, I actually let like that's cool. I like this So you're exposed by chance to some new level of art. Yeah, you wouldn't have been exposed to it because I like Uh, I got this from a book too But like listening to the radio where I'm like let it hit me with something. Yeah And then maybe I'm like, oh cool, and I'm my Spotify is listening, you know, so they'll know if I like it

Starting point is 01:13:27 They're they're reading my heartbeat or whatever, but like You want to be able to like Grow and they're not letting you Well, did you notice when you're in Ecuador or those types of places? Is it a lot different? Is it really a lot different? Do you notice it over time? Yeah, well, I noticed when I get back Same thing was when I left la I didn't notice how shitty la was how the la vibe was until like left for a couple of years and then went back

Starting point is 01:13:49 I was like, oh god, damn you guys are fucking vapid here and and needy For fame and I didn't realize the force for the trees. Yeah, I was really enjoying it Ecuador and then I got back I was just met with this barrage of Of media and like Just Yeah, it's it's you're free. You're free. I don't know and luckily COVID it was like a really good thing You know in a lot of ways you gotta count your blessings about it. Yeah, you relocated to a cool spot. You know, you might not have Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, I I'm amazed sometimes that I was able to move, you know, you can always go back

Starting point is 01:14:22 It's easy to just go there. Yeah, but I think yeah when everybody was leaving I felt like everybody's going Austin I didn't know if I wanted to go to Austin. It's the still the financial thing was the same for us. It's like I was just in a place. I don't want to pay all this extra to California right now Especially if I didn't know if they're gonna have mass ever. Yeah, the taxes are different. There's no state taxes here That was a big thing I've been rogan was like I'm moving to Austin. I'm sure and and I thought about moving there Then when everybody started moving was like, I don't want to go back to that's kind of what I felt I just didn't want to be like in a place where I felt like

Starting point is 01:14:53 Um, just like people like why is like homeless like, you know, I think it's homeless in Austin like why else? He's like taxes like you wait what? Yeah, everybody's like, wait, what is that? All those rich guys was like, oh Hold on like I can save a house a year Yeah, I don't want to see in the homeless as long as I'm not the one paying for Now if I walk up to the guy and say here here's 20 bucks Will you please shit outside for me because I need to like, you know, get these get these rose beds going And that's one thing you got to put them to use. That's a problem. They're using these homeless guys

Starting point is 01:15:25 But if I got to mail it to the city and then they're gonna use it through some dirt system And the guys it doesn't even get to shit in my flower beds. He can just go shit anywhere. No way Not on my watch Yes, something that's something that's that's interesting here like The guy at the gas station the other day comes out and he's who's I guess a fan kind of her, you know, new of me and he said, hey um Hey, man, I want to let you know anytime you come in here, man, we got fresh baked bread and fresh baked pizzas in here And I just been in there, dude

Starting point is 01:15:55 There's no There's none. There's not an oven in that joint, right? Yeah So I'm like, is this guy just been and it was the nighttime guys. I'm like, is this dude Out of his mind is this guy on adderall like but now it's like when I go there I have to pretend that they have like The fresh baked bread in there And they don't so it's like in a smaller area you there's like you kind of you have to continue to whereas in LA You can be like go fuck yourself. You'll never so impersonal

Starting point is 01:16:23 But sometimes you're like you need that input or personal on this. You're like, yeah, you're a weirdo, man I'd rather not talk. I mean, New York is the key for that. Nobody talks to anybody. Yeah, there's too many crazies Yeah, yeah, but in a small town even Nashville still a small town Oh, it feels really small here and you can't cheat on your spouse here. That's another thing like In LA dude, you could have another family a block away from you and your family would never know That's another thing that changed. They had this book called a 50 mile rule. Do you remember that? It was like if you're gonna cheat on your spouse and they weren't against it They go, you got to go 50 miles outside your radius now

Starting point is 01:16:53 This was written 30 years ago. Wow And if you go 50 miles outside your radius to a convention or whatever or more, you know It'll never come back to your to your home to your family at all Now it's way different. There is no 50 mile. You have to go to another planet. Well, there's yeah There's no 50 mile radius, right? And that's one thing and Louis said funny on that especially guess He said well, I was looking to get out of town But though I was on kayak or something. There were no tickets to mars, right? Yeah. He's like I was looking to get that far away Yeah, um, it is it is cool being in Ecuador where you're like when no one knew me

Starting point is 01:17:25 I think I got recognized like three times two of them like right towards the end in like one of our gringo town But it was like I'm just me. I'm just a human here and there's no I think it's real Like bad for you to be recognized too much to be like elevated On a level that you're not. Oh, well, and that's not even realistic. It's not real Yeah, people are just like, can I get you something? Can I get you? You don't work for me? Yeah It's not healthy at all and you start thinking your words are too valuable Yeah Well, I think that goes even to some of like podcasts getting busier and like being a feeling like you have to say something

Starting point is 01:17:59 Or scared to say something. I have to say something. God. Damn. I think yeah embarrassing in new york We're like Shocked at some of this la podcast have no level of integrity or morals. Yeah, that's us friends. That's awesome well Look at these fucking These guys are great. Bless you. Bless you Look at the fuck of these dudes. They got no one to use a racial slur, but These lakers fans right here

Starting point is 01:18:26 The ones a dodger fan like all fans my bad. Let's see these guys What's up, dude? Ari? Beautiful motherfuckers. I'm big. He's fat Being a fat. I don't know why he looks like that Uh, we actually these podcasters and yeah, we know chase my comedy dreams. So quick question Um, when you're pushing the boundaries In your jokes, which you do fucking great at um

Starting point is 01:18:54 How do you overcome the fear, you know that cancel culture? It's pretty scary out there. Everybody wants to fucking end you Keep killing them. Keep pushing the boundaries. We fucking love you guys deal. Ari. We hope to see you in jerseys soon Please come by Latinos in jerseys a new documentary coming Thank you, bro. Thanks for the question. Uh, we kind of have been answering that we kind of did You know, there's one book that set me free more than anything. It was uh, the fountain head I read the fountain head. It was a girl. I ran and I ran and Randy or whatever

Starting point is 01:19:28 But, um, it set me free. She told me she's like, I think you'd like this and it was just about this pure artist Architecture was the art form they chose But really it's just any art form And it was about like you just Cannot care at all and this guy this architect and they they It was way predated for cancel culture. I mean it was written in the 20s or 30s But like you could see like these prototypes of like I could plug it into any one of these situations and you're like Oh, yeah, that's so and so writing a blog about this guy. Oh, that's it's just like

Starting point is 01:19:58 it's it's so good and uh So they took everything away from this guy It took it all away and he goes well, you're not going to stop me from being an architect You might stop me from being able to build But i'm not going to stop being an architect So i'll go work in the rock quarry and i'll work with the materials that i'll need when i'm building buildings again So like at some point like I had to set this is years and years ago

Starting point is 01:20:21 Maybe that's why i'm so fucking crazy now But like I just said that like you will never take away my ability to be a stand-up comic You can not let me do theaters and push me into clubs You could take away my ability to do clubs and only do workout rooms You can stop me from doing workout rooms. I can still do open mics You're talking about the money you might take away the money from me But the real thing that matters is what we always wanted when we started to tell a fucking good joke and make it work Yeah, you know when Ralphie was like when I saw him. It was like two years ago. Oh, that's when it's just fun

Starting point is 01:20:49 Man, and I was starving to death. I didn't have money to eat and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about Ralphie? What fun, but I get it now. There was no like can I get a development deal? Can I get it was just we're trying to be stand-up comics? So you can't take that away from me and once I realized as far down as I can go I can go to a coffee shop and go up No matter what I will have that ability Then I'm like then I was free at that point. I was free And it's just a good man, you know, it's powerful. It's powerful man Yeah, because I a lot of this I'm bringing back to myself and not to make it about me

Starting point is 01:21:20 But just like yeah, I wonder why some of my behaviors. What are my fears? What am I afraid of and then what fears were just fears that I had growing up that aren't really realistic anymore from childhood Yeah, like we're not going to have anything. I don't have anything, you know People hate, you know, it's like and when are you going to realize that your fans are there for you no matter what? Um, were you amazed that some of your fans that were there for you during some of the trials of it? What I was really like I hate focusing on negatives so like so like it's the natural thing But like what I was really taken back was but the outpouring of support by comedians

Starting point is 01:21:53 Personally the the text I was getting from people going like man, you're hilarious. I found it funny Uh, you're all I got your back. You're a great person like just from everywhere Like all these people reaching out and it was like, oh, this is like really nice. If you remove the other part I'm like, this is genuinely amazingly nice you know, um God yeah, and it's like and that's what you could always do when any of those comments getting trouble for anything You're like, hey man, you're funny. I don't don't worry. I got your back. Yeah. Be supportive. Yeah Yeah, because you do go through this thing. I like this everyone hate me

Starting point is 01:22:26 So every time you get a text like hey, you're my buddy. It's like great one down one doesn't that's awesome But like that's a good one. It was just really nice And then you know the beginning of it when people like laughing before the fucking not realizing back there people like You know, they don't realize that's happening. We're all having a good time. Yeah Well, I think people are also now seeing In in some ways when it's like the media like these new york times rights in our local or some people are like Fuck this rag is exactly like you're like you guys are trying to mislead me You're trying to make me angry totally and I think so many people see that now that it's like

Starting point is 01:23:03 The amount of people that don't see it is so Small they just still own a lot of you but they still own a lot of real estate Yeah, exactly and I think the vocal ones the ones who don't care don't don't write in to be like, hey, I don't care You know, it's like you just don't care. You don't do anything. It's only the ones that do care but like So now when I'm when I see myself getting angry about something I realize hey, I'm probably being misled here Hmm these monsters aren't real. It's like they're not everywhere. So like It's over height. It's just like I can suck. I don't I can't always see it

Starting point is 01:23:35 So like if I didn't find that fucking other footage of Tony inch cliff like this full set Yeah, people would have been like, man, you bombed and you said I told Tony I was like, hey, dude, it's not so bad that like that like people think you're like Racist or whatever that that sucks, you know, but like comics are thinking you're not funny So you got to put out if you say you're getting laughs on that you need to put that out right now Wow, before it gets around the comedy world Yeah, yeah, he hasn't you have a new specialist came out. So yeah, they were good before covid. Yeah, I got to check it out

Starting point is 01:24:06 Yeah, but so he's like Yeah, we released his fucking that full set and then people like oh, I get it Like Emma Emma. We're all talking about it. Like right when it happened I hadn't even seen the clip yet and she was like I can tell you what Emma willman and we'll may have hilarious And she's like I can tell you what didn't happen. She's like didn't really care where she's it What didn't happen was in 2021 a comedian got on stage and couldn't hold back his anti-asian feelings anymore and let it out on stage That for sure did not happen. So like

Starting point is 01:24:35 Whatever else you're talking about. It's not what you're saying it is right Yeah, and if you've seen Tony, I didn't think it was yeah, if you've seen him I didn't think it was that shocking But but like the way I said about the amazing races people like mad and then when they found it was way different They're still just as mad. Yeah, they did the same shit with chris Where they were like you're fucking underage people and it's like well, no not at all and they're like, well You fuck your fans too much No, get out of here the thing you said was terrible and it's not real right. So get the fuck out of here

Starting point is 01:25:03 You can't talk anymore, right? Yeah, that your fans too much get the fuck out of here. What are you talking about? Oh my god, you see him as apology. That's a gaslit man going um So I guess these chicks who were sliding into my dms were trying to fuck me. I I I guess I Shouldn't have been fucking the people who wanted to fuck me It's like he's just gas it because everybody told him he's evil for doing nothing wrong. Yeah. Oh fuck that We had a news thing. We had a news piece. I think we're gonna discuss was there something Sean Another good question. Maybe that came in they can fat everybody check out their pockets

Starting point is 01:25:39 Yeah, thinking fat, huh? Thinking fat, dude. He's thick. I'm thick. He's fat How you doing these days by the way with everything with what? Drugs and alcohol. Yeah, I'm doing okay. Yeah. Yeah my primary goal. I've had a couple of relapses during this thing um During the coven. Yeah, you know, so But I'm doing good. I've been doing a lot of breath work recently. I tried ketamine therapy Um, really? I've been so angry, bro, and it won't stop and then it's like at what?

Starting point is 01:26:15 I don't know everything. I get angry. I get angry. Yeah, so it's like, uh And then I've had like this exhaustion that's like in my body like this fatigue And I don't know what it is and so I've been like getting all this medical stuff trying to figure it out and um So it's been it's been honestly pretty tough And the tough part is when you don't feel good to then go podcast like When you're genuinely not feeling good or even at your best or if I talk for 10 minutes a lot of times I'll feel this exhaustion in my body and then being like, okay

Starting point is 01:26:48 I have to continue to put myself forward or I'm afraid that I'll lose my audience. Yeah Yeah, when when I went to southeast asia I went for a few months off the grid completely joe list was like aren't you afraid of like losing everything? and at the time I was like I have a Television show that I'm coming back to and a special that I just tape that'll be like what do you mean? What am I gonna lose? You have to live your life a little but like I get it We don't have seasons in podcasting. We don't have an offseason if you're an actor

Starting point is 01:27:17 If you're on friends making a million an episode 22 weeks and then you have you know, 38 weeks off. Yeah, that's wrong 20 30 weeks off But like yeah, they would keep working for a million a week They work for 52 weeks and we're not letting ourselves Yeah, I need to be I need to be brave enough to take a month off. Yeah, I need and I really need it too You should do it So I think I thought about maybe even in january going to like a 30 day rehab like a facility or something

Starting point is 01:27:45 Even if it's just like a health and wellness place get off your phone where there's no drugs alcohol Yeah, and get off my phone. Just don't have any temptations. Right. Right. It's hard to be like Keep a pack of cigarettes on you but stop smoking right like right It's unrealistic. It's hard. Yeah, and the same thing is people like stay off the phone It's like you say that but it's calling you Yeah, and also it's like you don't know how you don't have direct you it's like dude I realized the other day I'm in a parking lot and thanks for asking man about what was going on Yeah, I should have called you when I heard him

Starting point is 01:28:13 Sorry. Yeah, that's all right No, dude, you guys are You know I feel bad. I haven't talked to you in a long time. I forget how she relapsed when you're at my place Is it the last relapse? No, that was the last that was when I first thought that was when I got sober Bro, I was laying in your fucking bed. Okay I literally had just opened the big blue book of alcoholics anonymous like balling crying Realizing how many things kind of related to me and not really the drugs and alcohol part didn't relate to me but the

Starting point is 01:28:43 The feelings and the emotions that's the stuff that I'm all I'm addicted to my own feelings and emotions because I felt like it's all I had or it's like I just I don't know but I'm addicted to those things. You know, that's who you're burying with this with this with the junk I think it probably was you know and I and also I just was looking for anything Yeah, that made me not want to feel sometimes but I'd never done cocaine and once I did it a few times It got dicey so it's just like so addictive. So I never was doing cocaine for months or even binges But one not one or two nights and I get so fucking paranoid and scared and the control I was losing I couldn't control and I'd be so creeped out and then I want, you know, you want sex you want to

Starting point is 01:29:22 Tickle something strange or and next you know, you're on these escort sites and so wasting all your time trying to like Yeah, and then I kept locking myself out of your fucking apartment, which is the fucking worst I lost all your spare keys. I didn't get the lock change You're like, hey, dude, your apartment's fine. And at that you will not be able to get gain access to it But the apartment itself is in good shape. Like what I was gone for I was gone for like a month. How long do you stay there? You stay for a while. I think I stay for probably about yeah, two and a half weeks or something I still got that soda stream you left me I still got me my boyfriend fucking love it, dude. We fucking love that soda stream

Starting point is 01:29:55 I was like, Theo was my best house guest You and Nicody were the only ones who didn't destroy my apartment that I let stay there Appreciate that man. I heard a cleaning lady. You got me a soda stream. That's a fucking stand-up, dude Well, you know, well big jay, I said I would hurt a big jay and chrissy and I was like, what do I get him? I want to get something nice and they said which is the weirdest thing You gotta get him a soda stream It's a good advice. Sometimes I you have trouble like like making a purchase for yourself at someone else can and you'll really appreciate it Are you sure he's a

Starting point is 01:30:25 Doesn't seem like that's hard to come by We'll get to know one more question here, man Look at this Drake. I know. Hey yo, what's up, Theo? What's up hard? What's up, Ari? So I got a random question for Ari. Why are you so angry because it has exactly everything to do with Ari Um, but Ari lived in Indonesia for a bit and uh as a fellow Jew by blood not by religion Um, I was curious how he felt traveling in a majority Muslim country. Did he feel at home? Did he feel out of place? Did he not think about it in any way shape or form? I met a lot of uh, fellow Jews not necessarily by religion who feel like they'll be persecuted ever going to a Muslim country

Starting point is 01:31:05 But I've never felt more milk welcomed into a country than I didn't end up Um, so just curious question for Ari. Thanks Good question. Good interesting question. Yeah, is your nerves there being Jewish and going if it's all slimmed out? And they call them slims, don't they? Who does? No, but let's spread that Indonesians or Muslims slims. Yeah, love it. Love it guys. You just saw the genesis of a new derogatory term Slims they were responsible for 9 11 and they'll be responsible for the next attack We don't fucking take care of these slims that beefy juicy terrorist Yeah, it's an it's the it's the country with the most Muslims in the world Indonesia

Starting point is 01:31:51 Because it's got a massive population, but they're not the Jew hating Muslims. We've never been there So they don't give a shit about us. It's the ones around Israel that really care about us um, we're um They are very hindu in parts of it Um, so what does that mean? Like what would you say? So it goes muslim then or hindu then muslim then christian okay in the areas of indonesia and um So in the hindu parts one of their great symbols is a backward swastika Which I always forget which way it goes. So you see it everywhere on motorbikes on the fucking manhole covers

Starting point is 01:32:25 And you're just like you feel a little weird. Yeah It's like look at this in a mirror as things are getting dicey. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, um, but I fucking loved it or nasa god damn that place. You know what's fascinating is You say that so you see the symbol all over It's like yeah If somebody showed me that symbol here like somebody could write an article right now It said look at this shit all over indonesia hating jews and I would look at it and just believe it Right, right, right, right. Absolutely. You could right they could fool you like leaving out details into getting you angry at something

Starting point is 01:32:57 Yeah, look what they're doing and then next thing, you know, you're scared now. You got jews saying we got to get out of it You know, it's a beautiful symbol Yeah, it is easy to draw. Yeah It's just the backwards one. Oh, dude. I remember we had this kid Scotty when we were growing up dude on the bus. We didn't know anything about like Anti-Semitism or anything in our town. We didn't have any juice. Well, you didn't have juice. Yeah, we didn't have juice yet Now once you get a couple Jews you freaking understand now. Okay. Okay. You guys always looking for bargains fucking come on Quit complaining all the time. The soup is warm enough. It's warm enough. Just eat it

Starting point is 01:33:35 Oh, yeah, so Well, we had seen the uh thing on fan flits or whatever dude because david dude, you know It was like we had a you see a lot of like anti-Semit fan flits I think just people putting the symbol on stuff like show up tonight, you know, but no it wasn't again I think it was just about like fucking being angry and like, you know, you changing each other's motor oil and shit So, uh We had this kid Scotty on our bus one day and we just drew a big swastika just on his shirt and like really Oh, dude, yeah

Starting point is 01:34:04 And we had no idea it was about Jews or anything or about Germans. We didn't even know it was about Germans We just knew it was like kind of like this like you'd see an art Here's what you see like emo kind of anarchist kids rock metal and they would have that symbol sometimes on them Or they would have like the a with the cross through other thing I'm convinced half the time is anti-Semitism or even racism like if you see somebody like write the n-word or something like that It's almost like Somebody's got a sharpie And they've got a thumb to the face and then they go like, uh, who's around here who care the most like they don't really care

Starting point is 01:34:35 Right, they'd be like, well, there's a temple right there. It's like sweet kike. All right, let's go But if there was like, you know, if there was like a baptist church like all right n-word But like they don't care that it's like what's gonna get there if there's a fat farmy to draw lettuce out there But yeah, you're right. I think that's that's part of the mentality I think looking into the mentality of things is is is like the stuff that we're missing with so many things Like yeah, the person's like, what can I draw here that's egg and get anybody to look and even care or gamers Like a fucking fuck you eight. Fuck aids into your brain. You fucking f bot. You know, it's like they don't really care They're just like saying something and if you take that off there like look what he said

Starting point is 01:35:11 He like No, he was saying that on call of duty, right? The second he walked into the kitchen. It's all over. Yeah, exactly. It's like, hi, honey Keisha, thank you To his black could even be his black wife and he's like, yeah Yeah, it's just so interesting the context the way we're serving stuff But we drew it on scotty dude and the crazy part was so his parents say, you know, they got it They didn't probably even know what it was They washed the shirt we didn't wear the shirt all the time throughout the rest of the year

Starting point is 01:35:37 So it would still be just faded in there. Yeah Yeah, dude, I took a dump and I couldn't make it home. I couldn't make it home from synagogue to my house And it was only three blocks, but it was like I didn't know how to control my bowels back then And I was like, I gotta it's coming. It's turtling and it's coming So I ducked into my neighbor's side yard in between the bushes and I just let go of a log Um, and then I like like with my underwear and took my underwear with me. Oh, I better do that. Yeah And then um, so later though, they found the dump. I mean what it was I don't know what I was thinking that it was going to go Unfound but they found it. They thought it was a hate crime. Uh-uh. Yeah, they're like, they're fucking shitting in the yard of juice

Starting point is 01:36:14 They were talking about a synagogue. I didn't have the heart to tell. I just sat there like I did not have to tell. They were all worried about these hate crimes going around It's just these Jew bowels not working. Oh my god, dude. The original hate crime from god Jew bowels It's me It was a nice log though. It was like a nice one. Yeah, I mean Oh, yeah, they were so mad. Oh man Um, your tour where you go where you going on this current tour?

Starting point is 01:36:47 Get to Coleman Spokane next. Oh nice. And then um, I'm dream boss and I'm just finally back to boss I started my tour last tour in Boston. I'll be at the Wilbur in December 9th. So that's like a first like big Really gonna be the Wilbur. Yeah, congrats. Thanks buddy. Thanks. Yeah, that's cool, man. It's a cool place It's like one of the best like theaters that there are it's the one, you know performance was yeah Oh, yeah, I think gotta be awesome Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited people don't want to come out and see comedy and also I think one thing great It's back Everybody's back and excited for right now anyway, and here's what you don't see in comedy clubs so far. You don't see this guy

Starting point is 01:37:23 Right, you know, he's not there yet. He's not there yet. No, he's still online. Yeah, people are like, oh, welcome to comedy. Sure He's still online. Yeah Um, all right, or you should fear.com get tickets. Yep, December. What is that December 9th? You said December 9th? Yeah I got like Oklahoma City and San Antonio and Tampa and Orlando and places like that But uh, or you should fear.com you can get tickets. Remember we did that Sam Adams thing. You remember that? Yeah, oh, thanks for that. Yeah, you hooked me up with that fucking. He was good at commercial I should have been funnier in that commercial. I got serious. I regret it. No, I'm I was kind of serious too I know I think they wanted a little bit of seriousness a little bit, but we should have fucked around more

Starting point is 01:38:02 Segura when he was like giving up for his wife He's like my first my first wife he kept referring to his first like oh, that's that's the line That's your joking. Yeah, you could be serious and still joke and I forgot I had like a day to prepare Yeah, same it was short notice kind of yeah, I mean half half of the people cried in them I'm like you guys were comedians Crying about our mom for well this my whole podcast is based on crying about my mom, so But no, I totally also understand what you're saying dude trust me. I had to go to comedy court Robert Kelly and a big J took me to comedy court today. Yeah, but like what is this? Sorry

Starting point is 01:38:37 Fuck they found it. They were so mad. What was it about? Not being funny in that same Adams commercial Oh, really? That's what they did. Yeah Like are you legitimately giving it up for your friend red band helping you just in a serious way? And I was like, I don't they gave me money to buy so they gave you money That's yours. I'm like, fuck you're right It's just like yeah, you gotta go on comedy court I'll get I'll get a trial for you dude. Give me a trial, bro You might have to plead guilty though. If they show that you might be like I throw myself with the mercy of the court on this one

Starting point is 01:39:10 Oh, yeah, I will bro. Oh, I gotta go out there and do that, man. I love Yeah, dude, I wish there was more that I I think I'm also always jealous of New York comics You guys just get to be in such a place more where it feels like They're doing real comedy. Yep Pushing each other Yeah, pushing each other not being as afraid I think there's definitely a lot of fear in LA fear of the industry the industry Yeah, but then you also see what the industry can do to guys when they write articles and stuff and that gets scary

Starting point is 01:39:39 You know it gets scary, but like you're saying to always know that you have what you have and that like And that intention can you know Can kind of show up down the line Yeah, I mean it'd be nice if I was like a clean comic sometimes it'd be like that would be cool But that's not the kind I caught. Yeah, I caught my kind Yeah, you catch a different kind like it'd be great if I make jokes about food only but like bacon

Starting point is 01:40:08 That's why I like that's why I like uh When they were doing the rap when they were all angry about rap, you know and Olivia Dukakis or wherever it was like one of them was like really leading the charge But like they put the the warning label on rap song, but they were trying to just ban it completely And john denver spoke up to congress Clean asked john denver and was like guys you can't tell musicians And he was like this doesn't affect me. I'm clean as shit. What do you even curse? You know, right? Rocky mountain high was like his most risqué thing and he goes anything even about drugs

Starting point is 01:40:37 It's about the high you get being in nature. Damn, but he's like take me home country It's like and that guy is saying do you not tell these other musicians? What they should be rapping about that's crazy. Yeah, you got to let them do it or Or or the you'll that's just you have to and that's john denver defending that That's crazy. Yeah, that's fascinating, man Yeah, it's fascinating what fears are going into things when I make when when anybody's making choices And what do we really want and then what are we really fearful of? I saw something you said about delia where you're like There's one part that I liked you're like

Starting point is 01:41:14 I'm not even sure like even talking about him if this is gonna like hurt me Like affect me in some way and that's like that goes through my mind too And I'd love to be able to say like I'm not thinking about it, but I am it's like It's like you so you have trouble even defending your friend you can stay out of it But it's like hard to even defend them because like are they gonna come for me right for just saying like hey chill They did with norm mcdonnell saying I don't think rosanne Realized that chick was black Fuck you. It's like I'm not saying it's okay. It's like she didn't mean it racist

Starting point is 01:41:45 Yeah, and people I got mad at him. It's just like there's no you yeah, you got to be worried about it But but I think it's losing it's a it's losing its lost her as well that fuck you from nowhere. Yeah You can the thing is without the LA comics I get I get the need to weigh in real fast and like Cash in on someone else's hard work like mine But like uh, but you can take a different stance is still cash in you can get your podcast out the next day Right, but why not take the stance of like I don't know defending fucking comedy and and jokes and and be like no no joke goes too far. What are you talking about?

Starting point is 01:42:22 Tim Dillon did it with me. He did this whole thing. It's like I don't care for this at all that tweet what he wrote was wrong and his Co-host whatever it's like what do you mean? It's like I just it's over the line. What you said about Aretha Franklin? She's one of our and he goes. No, it's it's Kobe Bryant. He was wait. What? He goes. Yeah, Kobe Bryant goes. No, Aretha Franklin right here when she died. He wrote this and she's like, uh, it's No, it's different. Well, no, I'm mad about the Aretha Franklin And that's his way of saying like guys guys. He makes fun of dead celebrities, right? He does it like, you know, calm yourself And he did it in a funny way I think in some ways he's the he's a lot of the leader of that movement. He's pushing it dude. He's pushing the line

Starting point is 01:42:59 He's pushing that line back because that line wants to keep coming to where we're not gonna be able to do any jokes and we're not gonna be able to say Tranny or anything anything that you could have before yeah That you just now can't make fun of fucking kids getting shot which for a while when they were saying like you can't be racist or sex Sorry, I was like, well, you could always make fucking school shooting jokes and then they're taking those away Yeah, I know like guys. We're not promoting school shootings. We're trying to find some light in this thing and you need guys like Tim Dillon Me there's a plenty of guys out there. We're like we're pushing that line back comedy needs Tim Dillon Yeah, to keep them keep you safe where you are where you think you're safe on the line Where you think you're safe on the line your Kabul man and if America pulls out all those contractors are dead

Starting point is 01:43:40 So you need those front line workers fucking Pushing it. Yeah, we need it's definitely true, man It's definitely true and it's interesting too about when you get offended and why and what makes me offended, you know What am I what's really going on and then yeah that oh that another that then companies are then serving offense to people Hey, here's some offense You like this don't you yeah, you like this and they know by the algorithm that you like it So it's like oh here you like this. It's almost like if it's if somebody came up You like staying healthy and somebody came up while you weren't really looking

Starting point is 01:44:10 And just put a bunch of fucking Fritos in your mouth Yeah, you're right and I like I don't want that like you're chewing you're chewing while you're chewing then yeah And before you know what half of it's in your system. Yeah now you're addicted It's really fucking fascinating and we let it happen to the human population. It's like we didn't know they were doing experiments on it When when facebook was doing experiments of like we're going to show some people ain't like negative stuff and some people posit us up or we're going to like Analyze their their comments after that and they said like the negative people were more negative the ones who were exposed to negative

Starting point is 01:44:46 They were doing literal experiments on just our user group and they found out that would rile them up And they made more comments and so like that means we have to show everybody more negative stuff Wow, and then it affects your mood all the time. You're looking for the anger and you're just like Do you ever see do you ever see those like real hippies that are like Like cry over like a sunset and like you know, I mean it's like just the trees blowing. It's so beautiful It's like damn. They got the right mindset though, right? You know, it's like they're seeing the beauty and everything. I want to get back to that a little bit Do you think you could ever get back there because it seemed like you come from a darker place kind of?

Starting point is 01:45:21 Yeah, but it's also like Yeah, but I still I mean I do plenty of like mushrooms and stuff. So that helps me. It helps you oh for sure Oh, yeah, it definitely helps man. It definitely helps see like the greatness and things Yeah, yeah, and it's like we got to be reminded because yeah, it's almost like just the society we built And I don't even know if it's the humanity over all time I think it just when you look at the big scheme of things this could be you know If this society goes on for another 500,000 years and this is just a small moment. It is we're a blip Yeah, for sure. Remember the first internet came out and everybody I thought I thought it was all real

Starting point is 01:45:54 You know that could be 50 years from now before there's regulation Can you believe what they were letting their kids do they were letting their nine-year-olds be in this incredibly Dangerous addictive and fucking harmful thing. Yeah, imagine just putting your nine-year-old in a pack of cigarettes every day Dude, I told my my my I was talking to my sister about it And I was like, are you worried about like your kids being online? I mean the danger that you're seeing more and more of how like unsettling it is and bad it is for you And these are developing minds. Oh, so they're talking about like you're not supposed to smoke weed until you're 16 Because it hurts to develop afterwards like fine. Go for it. But like so now you're letting a nine-year-old be exposed to this terrible thing

Starting point is 01:46:30 And there's no real studies on it yet. And what that's going to do She goes, you know, I but you know, they need I need to be able to reach them which Nobody could reach us. We went out to ride our bikes when we were 10. We were gone. Right. We were safe You know, yeah, there might be a molester here or there, but like Mostly we were safe, you know And I was like, well, what about a flip phone if you need to reach them What about a flip phone and then from the other room my nephew's like shut up uncle Ari shut up because it's like Don't you get my cell phone taken away?

Starting point is 01:47:00 But like, yeah, you're right. It's gonna be a blip. No one's gonna remember that we are alive in a thousand years I know that's any of us and so like that's none of this matters Uh, do you think about having a family and stuff like you said you don't want kids, right? No, I had a vasectomy Did you really? Yeah a few years ago. No way 2017-2018, yeah, did you let people bid on it on ebay? I feel like you could fucking get something You don't chop your dick off the oh, that's not what you take part of your Seaman out or something seeming. Oh, no, no, it's a yeah. Yeah, it's just like tube and you cut it and then solder the ends You smell a little barbecue while you what's happening. It seems like it's a Jewish person. You wouldn't do that. It seems like the most

Starting point is 01:47:38 I'm not a great you. I'm not a great you What about the special you had made the special Jew, right? I didn't make it. You didn't make it. Okay That's the only real negative is is uh, I was gonna the producers they were the only one it would have happened except the producers pulled out Because Eric was gonna do it too, huh? He was in he was willing to do it. I love him. Yeah, he's the best The the venue the skirball. They're like sure we're in higher security. We're getting some death threats And then those fucking producers were like, well, I don't think they didn't try to help me find another producer They didn't try to transfer over their their insurance. They were just like Nah, this ain't it. I'm like, too

Starting point is 01:48:14 We had 2700 tickets sold six people asked for refunds Which we gave it to them and those were sold again in fucking seconds Did you feel like the Jewish community stood up for you as much as this? Is it does it matter really for the Jew hour some most of them were like, oh, this is really interesting and fun Sometimes you're like, this is anti-Semitic, but it's also like so what you know, it's like go be angry It's like right none of your feelings are real or not real. It doesn't matter. It's nothing to do with me Go be angry. I'm not gonna stop doing this because also that rob. I loved it. This rob. I hates it Right. I don't it's my experience man. I can't but for Kathleen McGee his comedian in

Starting point is 01:48:49 Wasn't Toronto now. She's I've been to Vancouver or whatever She's doing a joke about getting raped Somebody's like, yeah, you shouldn't be doing jokes about rape. She was like You telling me not to artistically express my rape Ladies like, yeah, I don't like it. It's like, well, you can not like it all you want. You're wrong. Fuck and bring this up to me That's crazy. That is and that is when you put it like it is crazy To say I can't share whatever my experience in the world is because then then the biggest problem is we're gonna be stuck with just one Experience what's already out. That's it exactly and you know, like that's not that's not art art is wild outside the lines

Starting point is 01:49:25 Drawing that's what it is You want you want a fucking rat king and you want to fucking Jim Gaffigan? They're they're way different So everyone has their own favorites And we need and I I do notice Brian Dorfman over at zany's here in Nashville is like they They started locking the phones up sometimes again So we're doing this weekend. They were love it just for attention span let alone stuff getting out But just for attention span like I want you to hear my setup right to this to this joke about trees It's not even an offensive joke, but it's like you're missing the setup, dude

Starting point is 01:49:54 I love when you see in the audience sometimes stand. I see people like like on their phone Um, not taping me or anything just on their phone and then I'll keep going my bit because you know We can go a little autopilot, you know, and then I'll like wait and I'm like, uh, hold on you guys Let me make a point real quick. Uh, sir, sir, and then like look up like yeah, I'm like, what was I talking about? and they're like, um Wedding They like kind of have half hurt a little bit. I'm like, no you're way off I'm like the idea that you're still paying attention. This is the most exciting thing in your week

Starting point is 01:50:24 You're at a live stand-up comedy show and you're missing it to Scroll. Yeah Because you're an addict because we're all addicts Oh, that's the truth, man. That's the truth. It's like what's the worst addiction? What's this? Yeah, it's an addiction That's the thing we're letting in the way of your life. That's what an addiction is, right? Yeah Not when you do it a lot when he when it gets in the way of your life sex addiction is like It's okay to fuck but like you want to hang out with your friends and you go off the fuck Yeah, you can't stop yourself. That's when it's an addiction

Starting point is 01:50:54 Well, that's what delia talks about too. Now. He says like he would literally be on his phone all the time And he's like and I equated it later to like he's just DMing just literally like going through like, you know Just any woman anything that has long hair dude and bumps on the front of its sternum, right? It could even be measles, right? It could be anything and he's just DM, you know He said it was like watching somebody shoot heroin into their body. Yeah, exactly But because it looks different we don't equate it to the same My favorite delia was when he started and he was with a chick and he was monogamous with her And like he was around willing to talk. He wasn't like running off to do stuff

Starting point is 01:51:31 And then even when he was single doing that he's not doing anything wrong But it'd be like Hang out man come hang out. Yeah, stop that for a second. Just come hang out. We're all we're all chilling Well, that's the coolest thing is that that guy who I didn't ever knew that guy is back now. Oh, really? It's real interesting. Yeah, I mean you could sit with chris and have a conversation and He's engaged and he tries to express you that he genuinely care, you know, like just oh interesting It's interesting man. It's powerful to see too. Those cancelings really do set you free at some point because like you already did it Right already did it. So now it's like

Starting point is 01:52:00 Let me be who does he stop caring about what other people think and just be you. Yeah, that's what's kind of great I almost feel like in a way. I'm kind of like you're like a free man It's like when you get covid, right? You're scared of it. Scared of then you get it You're like, oh, well, I'm immune for the next six months. You're like bars. You got a boss. You guys want to hang out party? You're like Frederick Douglass now so I'm not George Washington all of a sudden Everything here is changing. Any other good question for all you came in. Yeah, dude. Nash was a cool town I'm glad you're here. This is like it'll be hard not to drink for sure. But like But like it's a drink in town, but like it's it's cool here, man

Starting point is 01:52:35 It is. It's interesting. You get to get some weird shit like like you get to go over to kid rocks house You get to go to fucking like, um Like i'm friends with jimmy john. Of course. You got to know kid rock. It's complete sense. I wouldn't have thought of it So he said it was out of his mind Really and my audience isn't a country audience. My audience is kind of just like I think just regular guys Who likes the country looks looking at it from afar. Yes. I wouldn't mind. Yeah, maybe a version of country Yeah, but I don't get like the like the Uh, like I like I don't get like the red white and blue like you know, or the rebel flag guys

Starting point is 01:53:09 Those have never been my audience Like my biggest sales are in portland in australia. You know, so I think I get like just Um, I don't know australia. That's your big one. Really? It's crazy. Yeah, like they're a great market Maybe melbourne australia or just anywhere in australia comics lounge. Yeah, it's awesome. And australia is kind of a fucking They're a place built on criminals, you know, but they got that as a vibe Yeah, so I think that's who I think a lot of micro hearties are just recovering criminals brah That's exactly what I think it is man. Some emo some emotional recovering from emotional some recovering from actual crimes Here we got a question right here from a guy and we'll finish up. Hello, arish out here

Starting point is 01:53:48 I was wondering if you would rather have sex with hillary clinton or Stop it right there. I want to okay. I mean she'd be hot as shit man because you know, she's a straight killer So, you know, she fucks like she kills. Yeah, hard and without remorse I bet she only does reverse cowboy and that she is on a tablet while she's doing exactly making deals Fucking getting her foundation funded. Yeah, ordering pizza. Exactly. Yeah multi-tasking Multi-tasking, you're right reverse cowgirl with hillary clinton. Somebody's got a photoshop blot from one of my tourists reverse cowgirling me

Starting point is 01:54:25 She's ordering stuff from the new orange for your tour. Um, That's funny. Yeah, I would go. You know, what's funny is you go to Fayetteville, Arkansas And it's just a small college town. It's really neat and you realize that that's where bill and hillary met each other and stuff It's a really It's just interesting it adds a different when you break down their fame right to like, right? Oh, you guys are just two Fayetteville people right at your heart It's real real interesting, but yeah, you're like this is like, yeah, just a it's actually a beautiful college town It's like this is a small college town and you guys just

Starting point is 01:54:57 That's the thing people always forget about like rogan or any of us too They're like, oh, he's because he's got this big platform, right? So you're like he has a responsibility or whatever And I keep trying to say this in the nicest way like I'm just a douchebag comic. So are you so joe. We don't know anything. Right. We're just comics I'm still just a door guy at the comedy store Right just trying to make a funny joke and I might have gotten more successful and so are you so at any of us But like we're still just these beginning comics in our hearts, right? We're still these guys like want to go to jerry's deli late at night

Starting point is 01:55:27 Yeah, and that hasn't changed Just the the cars were driving. That's the only shit that's changed. Yeah Yeah, it's a good point, man. I'm so glad that you came over and spent some time, man I just some of this stuff I just need to be reminded of I need to get a dose of like Of that new york attitude, you know that you get from you um And just to be not be afraid to just be free sometimes like I I get so scared You know, I do get so scared and not just what I'm gonna say sometimes

Starting point is 01:55:54 I don't get that scared about that But I do get some scared about like taking a break or taking care of myself or like what do I need to do for me because I think I was always just like The only way I felt okay as if other as if other people were you know, like we want to appease them Yes, or when you're growing up you're like, yeah, so it's just that kind of shit, you know, um Um, I I'm gonna make this suggestion. I've made it to other people in our in our in our old comedy store group that have seen get famous Um, it's gonna be hard But I would say like and you could pre-record some podcasts if you want to like not have be gone from the fans, you know, but

Starting point is 01:56:29 Go to another country go stay in some hostels and leave your phone here in America Find a burner when you get there and take a month Maybe more but take a month minimum and just get lot you I mean you got money now, dude Yeah, so it's like to protect yourself. It's gonna be hard I could talk you through where to go and stuff like that But like the world that there is wild it reminds you that things are fun And you'll be no one will know who the fuck you are. You've got recognized once maybe There's a bunch of irish people who are like, uh, I've never heard of any of that shit, you know, and they're like

Starting point is 01:57:00 You just get free you get free out there just out there in the world south america or It's like literally stay in hostels just to socialize you get used to it and like we said like people adapt you get used to a fucking hostile cut in four days and then like Then you're just like floating and it's It's just it's just so freeing on a level that I I can't really fully express And I would consider doing it say like put it a date like five months from now or something So it's like tell your fans like hey, I'm gonna be taking january offer or something, you know Yeah, it's funny that we came to america for freedom and now it's like we're going other places for it in a weird way. Yeah

Starting point is 01:57:40 Yeah, it's interesting Happy 9 11 dude in the best arish if you're a joke. I think I'm saying dude happy 9 11 Thanks for being here. You guys check out arish if fear.com for tickets to the tour and uh podcast arish if you're a skeptic tank And uh yoga classes online. Yeah, I want to have you back on maybe about relapse actually We did that walk in the woods man. That was fun as shit Yeah, before we were like recorded stuff, but like uh like video recorded But yeah, it was just like carrying mics. I got lob mics for that same kind of shit now And blare dude blare sochi. Do you know who that is? She does the breath work

Starting point is 01:58:12 She's a comedian. Oh really and she also does the breath work, dude I did a session with her last week and it was crazy, bro. She lived here or beckon l. She's in la So we just did it over zoom. Oh, yeah, I know but it was like Just like you do all this breathing so you get all this carbon or something in your body And then like your nervous system is kind of shut down. So you're just like literally standing around in your emotions and shit Shit was fucking deep. Isn't that kind of yoga where it's like it's kind of like that in a way Yeah, but for 25 minutes, you're doing that. Yeah, dude. You I couldn't move my arms. You're literally just lobstered out, dude I mean you're freaking jordan peterson's pet. Oh, yeah, you're just lobstered out

Starting point is 01:58:49 And then so then all that's left is like finally some of these emotions come up out of the sediment of like Oh, it felt crazy, bro That's cool. And you're off all that ball and like just tears not even tears that I've wanted to cry tears that had just been in me Just come just fucking Really it was real fascinating, man. I'm I'm actually hoping to do with her again on monday. Oh, I'm gonna hit her up I want to keep doing it. Uh, she teaches it for like a class class. Yeah, she just does it. Yeah, she knows how to do it Cool, she knows how to do it with people But yeah, man, you're a pioneer man in a lot of ways, man. And you know, it's fascinating to hear. Thank you for being here today

Starting point is 01:59:27 But yeah, thanks for having me buddy. Yeah, it's nice seeing you. You too All right, gay sex now Sean you're in first dude, huh? Set up yeah, he loves it. He can't tell a lie this guy man. He loves it You

This Past Weekend - E359 Ari Shaffir

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