This Past Weekend - E363 Swipe Society

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

Theo talks about petting dogs, monogamy, being on tour, and the current state of society.  New Merch: http://theovonstore.com  Tour Dates: https://theovon.com/tour Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com Music: "The Come Up" - Eddie 9V https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jHN09U2420  "Lonesome" - Evan Bartels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8EIaDbLwN0  Support our Sponsors: Keeps: https://keeps.com/theo to get your first month FREE BlueChew: https://BlueChew.com - promo code "Theo" Fiverr: http://fiverr.com = 10% off first order w/ code: THEO Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/Theo   Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to [e-mail]. Hit the Hotline [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastw... Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEK... Producer: Spencer Liautaud  https://instagram.com/adventuresofspencer Producer: Colin Reiner  https://instagram.com/colin_reinerSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Chicken Charlie. Chicken Charlie. Charlie cheese chimpanzee. Charlie Chaplin. The chimpanzee chocolate chip. Chocolate. Those are all chill words. A lot of time if you're doing microphone audio,

if they, if you communicating through a microphone or a, you know, somebody, you got a man listening somewhere or a woman or lesbian. A lot of time they'll say, can you give me a sound check? And people will say, Mike, check Charlie. Check Charlie. They want to chuh sounds. They want a certain sound.

A certain sound, I guess a certain sound does a certain thing. A certain sound lets you know it's a certain siren. It's a certain warning, a certain sound. You know, I make a certain sound different times, like if I, if I'm looking for something, I can't find it. If I'm, if I, if I'm, I went out to the car and I got in it and I do not have something I need, I have to go back inside.

Jesus Christ. And that's when, look, I could have never been Jesus Christ. Dude, he had to walk all those stairs or whatever with the, um, I don't even know what he had. Like a big piece of furniture on his back or something. I don't even know. I got to reread it, but I couldn't, dude, I leave anything inside and he did like a thousand steps

or something. I'll leave anything inside. I literally would rather eat one of my own nuts out of my, ah, nut bag, then I have to go back in and get it. But I'll be like, grrr. That's a sound I make sometimes. Grrr. Grrr. And I'll go back in, I have to unlock the door.

I'm like, grrr. Oh, then I will, I will yell, where are, where are you? Where, where would you put that? I will yell at myself. So evil. And it's something small, usually, like my dang, could be, I got a new CBD vapor. It's CBD is vaping, but it's non-addictive.

And it's laser lime. So that's where I'm at, mentally and emotionally, but that's a sound, you know, a different sound is something that comes out of a different thing. Grrr. Grrr. Trying to think when I would make that sound. Grrr.

Oh. That's if you're changing a diaper or something, you get duty on you or something, or if you touch duty somewhere. My friend used to do this trick and, and he passed away, but he, when he was alive, he used to do this little, little kind of shit trick. I guess you would call it.

And I don't want to be unprofessional or whatever, but it would be like a little, he'd say, hey man, catch and he'd have a little dog, little duty in his hand, little shit. A dog had done a little, a little turd work or whatever. A little booty, little booty shit. And he would, he was like, hey, hey bud, you left this. And he'd say something like that and throw it over to you.

And you'd catch it. You didn't know what it was. And it was something that had come out of a dog's bottom, usually, usually fesses or something. But anyway, man, good to be here with you guys today. And I'm really, I'm feeling good today and I'm grateful you're here. And I want to thank, I want to remind you

to support the Netflix special. It's out now. You could check it out. It's on Netflix channel, a platform. So you can see it get on there. I've been meaning to watch also made on there, but I haven't seen that yet. And yeah, I'm glad it's out.

I'm glad that it's done. You know, it was tough because the material was ready a few years ago. And then the pandemic. And so there's been this real, but it's like everything, supply chain. That's what they call it. Dude, the other day, I'm trying to buy some cupcake

and I said, hey man, let me get a couple Halloween cupcakes off you. You know what I'm saying? And the guy back there, honestly, I'm not going to say it's a gay guy working back there. And as a straight guy, I'm grateful that the guy is selling cupcakes. I'm grateful anybody's selling them.

The fact that somebody even thought of saying, hey, let's take a big cake and make it small. So daddy could have a him a little sugar at lunch. God, that makes me, oh, that, that, that's the sound I make when I hear that. Oh, that's sort of Jewish ejaculation. Sort of, oh, but I wasn't talking about,

oh yeah, it's just tough. And then the guy's like, I just want to tell you, you know, we've had a lot of supply chain issues with the food coloring. And I'm like, dude, dude, I will literally poke my gums with a needle and spit in that white frosting right now.

I do that three times, we will get it to orange. And you can, I see, he was just making conversation. And I start to see how women feel about men hitting on them. Cause you can't even find a woman working in the cupcake area anymore. It's a lot of men on men, you know, it's a lot of sugar boys back there. And I'm here for it, I support it.

I'm at, you know, I want everybody to live their best life. But then the guy's like, well, let me go, let me get your number and I'll let you know if we have anything coming in. Like, dude, I don't need some guy texting me at night saying we got, you know, green, you know what I'm saying? We got all the fall colors.

Like I'm not trying to roll over in my bed and get that. Hey, just got a little, you know, don't want to alarm. You just got a little, you know, just got a little vising thing full of yellow, you know what I'm saying? It's just, it just, but that's life. Life is that full circle. Life's that full circle, man.

You kick a ball in a handicap kid. 40 years later, bro. He'll stab you with a knife at a damn, oh, at a, what's that place called? Piccadilly cafeteria. That's, that's how it works. So, oh, oh, I like, man, this is just different sounds, you make, I like the different sounds that we have in us.

There's a lot of them, you know, if you, if you pet a dog and he don't walk off, God, I love that. God, I love that if you, if you pet a dog and he stay right there and let you do it, God, you turn into a dang pedophile, baby, you know what I'm saying, boy? You get that wows are on that snails. They're on that snails, baby. You just, he keeps letting you do it.

You get that little, that Glee Sean on that B Sean, baby. That is when God, that's when you feel God working. When you pet a dog, a strange dog, a miscellaneous dog, baby, and it lets you keep petting. Oh, make you wanna kick a fat kid at K-Mart, you know what I'm saying? Praise God, baby. But I just wanna say thank you for supporting me in comedy. And I am glad that we got the show on the air now.

And you can see where you watch Netflix on your phone or whatever. And tell your friends, tell your wife, you know what I'm saying, they're ripping everybody out here. All right, let's get into it, baby. Let's get into it. We got a nice episode for you here today. And I'm happy to be alive and I'm happy you're alive.

And I mean that. And if nobody's told you that today, boom, somebody has. Yes. We got our boy, Eddie, nine volts. Hmm, about to get electrocuted. I just count up to Lucky Street when I made a game and sent to me. He's on a comma. He's on a comma.

And to see plenty of you and me. We got so much love and chemistry. And that right there. That right there is Eddie nine V on the come up. Oh, that song lifts me. I feel lifted. I want to think David freeze for this beautiful Jersey, man. You know, the St. Louis Cardinals, they let me out there on the ball game, on a

ball game field. And I'm bad luck usually on a ball game field. You put me in a game, you lose or somebody gets down. You know, asthma attacks. I remember they put me in a game once and five kids had asthma attacks. And the police showed up and somebody busted some woman for having a, you know, fake handicapping a kid that sometimes they used to, they make one of the kids be retarded or mentally ill just to get that money, that dummy check.

You would see a lot in the poor community, a lot in the urban community. You'd see him have a child that they didn't let go to school and they keep him out of school so he don't learn anything. But every now and then, you know, and since he don't know anything, he, he, he get that check $600 a month, $300, I think at the time. And they put a neck brace on him every now and then wheel him out to a sporting event or something so people in town could see him whoever it was or her. You know, and the kid out there, they have, you know, one time the damn, it

usually like foster parents sometimes, but sometimes it's people's own parents, you know, family to say, look, we're not doing that good. We ain't making much money. We got four or five kids. Let's keep one of them away from the school and put that neck brace on them and they wheel him out on the dolly of the daddy. Sometimes I remember wheeling this one kid out, you know, this boy long. They call him long Tommy because he, he was long.

If you get along as hell, you, you could barely see him. If you tickle his foot, it took probably four seconds for him to know, you know, what was happening for him to get even a gig a lot of them. So you could damn, you know, you could almost burn off one of his toes if you were really cruel and I wasn't, you know, I'm grateful to God for that. I didn't have that cruelty where I'm burning, burning children's Tarsals or whatever. But, um, what's I talking about? Oh, but the daddy sometimes would wheel him out there on a damn dolly, a damn,

you know, Home Depot dolly and just prop him out so people in the community could see him. Oh, they still got him. He's alive. You know, and then, uh, that was just part of the whole deal. And then you get the money for 350 a month. I think it went up to almost $400 when I was young. Now I don't, now they give you money for anything. You know what I'm saying?

Somebody patted you on the back too hard to give you $70, $80, you know, somebody, you know, spray painted, uh, you know, uh, on your car or something to give you, you know, government give you to give you 75 bucks, 60, $60. So different times. Uh, but what I'm saying is he gave me this real Jersey from the world series dude, not poker either. I'm talking the real one, baby, that big one. And, uh, and that's awesome.

I mean, it's just so nice of them to be so gifting like that. And, and the Cardinals made a beautiful run this year and they didn't get it done. Uh, so anyway, I just wanted to show some homage to them and to St. Louis. That was a loud show. That St. Louis show. Damn. If you were at that thing, there was people, somebody, people gestating in the back. Some lady back there, uh, you know, just people loud in the audience.

Some lady having a real violent, uh, menstrual cycle you hear, I mean, just really, I mean, just damn full moon and right out of her damn vagina. Just a dark art and people in there, people with damn some dude had a, uh, something stuck in his throat. A kazoo or something for half the show. You just hear, damn, what is even going on in here? But, but still grateful people came out. There's been a lot of good shows recently.

I haven't seen you guys in a while, uh, on a solo episode. Um, and so I wanted to come this week and make sure we got one in. Uh, you know, what's been happening? We went to Wilkes buyer and dams. Oh, I get into town. Some guy give me a railroad tie. Piece of iron. I mean, I'm outside having a little sandwich out there by the thoroughfare out there.

And this actually, this was in Delaware and Delaware, dude, if you want to, if you want to see people fist fighting, um, and nobody wins, then you got to go to Wilmington, Delaware's country, uh, Delaware, Delaware. I don't know what that Spanish for. Where I'm going to look that up. What does where mean in English? Wadi pottery, daylight pottery. So the day of pottery, uh, the day of pottery, I guess it means, well, damn, whoever.

There was a lot of bulls in the china shop because there was a lot of broken shit around there. Um, good area though. Uh, it was good, good, good area. Good people, good people that came out. Um, a lot of diversity came out. Everybody's damn, you know, uh, damn Judeo, uh, African, Italian, Italian, German. They got a, you know, Italian, German ease.

Everybody's African Italian, German ease out there. It's all damn, you know, everybody has a twin. That's been killed. It's just a lot. There's a lot of, uh, you're not surprised to have a weapon and some man gave me a weapon. He came up and having me a little burger right there on a thoroughfare and a thoroughfare. Everybody in that place had a burger place was in a, uh, I think it was a halfway house. They said it closed at 8 p.m.

Because people had to sign in or whatever. So, gratefully, they were making food. Um, but I was happy to be there. Man, we had a good time up in that piece. Oh, but a man gave me a tie. One of them railroad ties real fast. So here you go. You're going to need this sharpened up to fellow named Buck.

I think his name was or he could have had a list. His name could have honestly been F U C K, bro. Fuck, you know. Oh, God. Oh, so I don't remember what it was, but. That was crazy. Wilkes Byer was one of the best shows I feel like I've ever had in my life. And that was fun.

I don't know where we were. We got there to reservation. Only place to stay in town is a damn holiday in or whatever. And it says when they get there, they say there's signs everywhere. Say people will steal from you here. I am, you know, your company's having a tough time if they put in that shit up. But it was holiday and select and I don't know what they selected, man. They must have.

It must have been a draft at a local prison, bro, because everybody, everybody in that bitch was, I felt like an inmate. You know, you could hear the guy behind the counter every time he walked over to the printer to print out the thing or whatever you could hear his shackles on. I'm like, Jesus. Might be going to sleep here. I'd rather I'm gonna stay in the car and sharpen this railroad tie. But that was a joy, man.

All the shows joyous. Where were we this week? Honestly, I do not someplace I don't even just go so fast. You know, you go and. Oh, Minneapolis. And we interviewed Jesse Ventura. That'll come out this coming next week. Jesus Christ.

I hope no one ever has to. I respect this time. I hope no one ever has to honestly speak to that man. That's what I hope. What else? Oh, Dave Chappelle special came on. And I watched it. And obviously, you know, he's a legend.

He's made his way up being legendary. And I thought there was definitely a lot of funny parts. He's a funny guy. Obviously he's created his own way of doing comedy. His own. Ambience. It's his own thing. The parts for me that were a little rocky were.

He, you know, kind of referred to himself as the goat. I thought some of the. I've noticed his ego has kind of been real sprouting over the years. You know, even just the way he comes coming to the comedy club and. But I don't know if it's possible for it not to. You know, we live in a world where there's so much reflection of yourself. That I think it's hard to hide from your ego. Because now with social media and everything, your ego has weapons.

Your ego has. There's so many ways for your ego to communicate back with you and tell you you're. Good or you're this or you're popular or you're seen or you're whatever, you know. Back in the day, your ego, I mean, it definitely had internal weapons. Making you think you're great or making you, you know, behave certain types of ways. Or if you start chiefing on your own shit. That's my uncle used to say, bro. And he actually died, dude.

He got, I didn't tell you guys this, my mom's original brother got killed. The whole it got hit by a. Or not hit by he got killed by a train. Motocross train or whatever. Track train. You know, not three people fucking, you know, ran into him or whatever. But. I was even talking about.

But anyway, yeah, I thought it definitely some of that part where you were referring to yourself as a goat. It's a weird moment. To watch. As a human. But I don't care what he taught me. I feel like he got kind of stuck on this transgender discussion thing over the years, which I don't really understand. But I feel like also, once you've gotten so many things out of the world, you have all the cash and prizes. What else is there to even.

You know, a lot of rich people will end up being. Gay or money gays, they call them. And. It's like the Roman Empire. At the end, they're upstate, you know, I'm saying they're upstairs. They're upstairs eating freaking newborn cabbages and making love today. I'm. Straight and gay children and men and women.

Because they done everything that exhausted all the options of. Of. Their desires, their desire, because desire is that little leapfrog. You give you start off, you give him a little bit of scotch, baby. And next thing you know, he's hopping, you know, he'll hop over to a damn cupcake two days later. And then he's hopping to a birthday party. And now he's at a damn. Crown Plaza.

You know, he's at a damn barbecue at a crown Plaza. For, you know, an urban kind of family reunion or whatever and two people get shot. But. But then he'll jump, you know, next thing you know, he's at the jewelry store. He's at a Tyler, the creator concert. And, you know, he'll just keep, you know. It just keeps escalating, whatever it is that desire. Desire will keep escalating.

So once you've done everything the Romans were doing, I mean, it got real dicey what they were doing. You know, and I just think that's what happens to someone as you get to a certain ledges. There's nothing left to do. So you're sitting around your chatting about trans and people that are trans and what's going on. I did like that Netflix supported him and let him say what he wants to say he should be people should be able to. That all that shit is ridiculous and nobody even really cares. The only people that care are honestly, I think a bunch of. People that just.

I don't know people that are trying to stifle ever all the communication. Some people, the only thing they have to go for going for them, I think is their sexuality or their. Whatever their little differences. And those sometimes are the people that. Make their difference a bigger deal. People yelling, look, I'm different. Don't treat me different. That's the, you know, and it also could be a part of the times we're going through, but I'm glad he got to say what he wanted to say, man.

I definitely laughed out loud a few times. He's one of a kind and and those are my thoughts on some of my thoughts on the Dave Chappelle special. I don't get to have a, you know, it's hard for me to have a lot of thoughts at once, but I just tried. So what else? Oh, I'm trying to think of anything else that's been going on. We've got some great calls that came in. You know, I want to let you know that that blue chew, you know, I take them. I took one the other night. Oh, I got to tell you this.

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What else, man? After the show, sometimes I've been able to pop out and do some meet and greets and surprise some folks. We're not surprised, but just say hey to you guys. Sometimes, sometimes it's harder than others. Some venues don't allow it. You know, Minneapolis was tough because they made, it was the first venue I've been to where they made them wear masks. And I didn't know it till halfway through the first show. I'm like, what's going on?

I'm not, I just, I'm not good at this anymore. You know, or maybe everybody's, maybe everybody ate something real hot in the lobby and their mouth is burning or they everybody ate a Dorito and cut the top of their mouth. Because I couldn't hear any laughter. And then halfway through, I'm like, oh my gosh, everybody has to have masks in here. And that is honestly ridiculous. And thank you for the people that came and put up with it. It's not my choice. When we sold the tickets, none of those things were my choice.

But it's tough because like, what do you do? You cancel the show? Some of these people are just putting these things into place. I think it's absolutely insane. You know, I live in a place most of the time in the central east here where people are unmasked and everybody is doing fine and well. And there's no logical, you can't explain to me how you one play it just so and I'm not here to debate it with nobody. I know that COVID is dangerous. I believe that. But I don't know that people should have masks inside of a damn venue.

That's unbelievable. And and that's sad. And I hope to not put any more venues on the schedule where that's what's going on. So that is one thing that I'm going to try my best to do. But thank you guys who came and bared with it. And some people, they said, well, you can't be doing the thing you're at the dude. Well, I'm sorry. It's the best I can do right now.

Some places, all the venues are owned by the same company. It's like a YouTube, but it's like a property management, you know. So you're just kind of screwed. You're just it's really tough, man, to feel very free. But know that when you feel that way, I feel that way too. And so I'm hoping that things change. Usually when something needs to change, something does. So what else?

I think that's all I got right now. I just wanted to keep you guys informed. Keep you guys tuned in. We got some great voicemails that came in. As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503. Yeah, you know, I've been struggling. I've still been struggling a lot with anger. I've been trying to go to more AA meetings and do more meditation.

Today's the best I've felt in a while. Battling that. And I don't know if I find I get angry at any one specific thing really. I just, I just get angered, man. It's like the dynamite is in my, it's right under my skin, bro. Man, it wants me to be angry. It's like something wants me to be angry. And I can notice it's bad when I wake up in a couple of...

One of the first few things I think or is that I'm angry. Or I get angry about certain things. So... Yeah, I guess I just want to say that out loud so I'm not just letting it be inside of me. Sometimes if I let things just stay inside of me and I don't say I'm out loud, then it's like they win. You know, and I wish, you know, I've even been asking my anger, why are you here? What do you want? Because sometimes it does feel like a ghost, it's like a ghost of something that happened.

Or a ghost of some... Desires, I don't know what, it just feels like a thing that's just like... It's almost feel like it's haunting me. And that sounds crazy, not in the sense like... Like there's a damn exorcism or something sneaking in my ear at night. And busting big nuts. But just like a... I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like there's an infection in me. And it's anger. But anyway, we got some beautiful calls that came in man, enough about me. And I feel like the end of this podcast is about me so much, it's just too much. So I want to hear from you guys. Thank you for hitting the hotline, 985-664-9503. All right, here we go. Hi Theo, this is Katie.

I am a mechanical engineer in South Carolina. I'm coming to both of your trophy shows. I'm very excited. You know, you're that little mechanical bad girl, huh? That Lego lady, huh? You out there just using... You out there using that little monkey wrench. Banana and a round, probably.

On some of these men, I'm sure. Thank you for calling, baby. Onward. I'm calling to tell you about a recent experience I had. My dad, he doesn't really want me to date. He doesn't really want me to have grandkids, blah, blah, blah. So he says, hey, Katie, you know, I got this perfect guy for you. I got this guy, this great guy, good Christian man. You know, he's real nice.

Oh, yeah. And a child is like a little fireplace for your family. Your family will hate each other. Your family will be shooting down arrows at each other and doing heroin. And somebody have a baby and good God. People will stop doing heroin, at least in the daytime, to be around that kid together. And that's...that's God. Onward. Got this guy, this great guy, good Christian man.

You know, he's real nice. He works with me. I said, okay, Dad, I'll give him a try. So we're texting. You know, it's fine. He has to go on a date. I think he's gonna get a call. He's gonna meet for lunch. Meet for lunch. The old boy brings his cousin. So it was me and two men. Oh, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, boy. Oh, dang. That little sidekick, huh? He brought that side item. He brought that little...I guess if you didn't like him, they want... They're ready to, you know, this family's ready to bust over all. Somebody about to catch a gonad, fool. Somebody about to get natted out and get that procreation going on. Them biblical dogs, they don't care.

You know what I'm saying? If Freddie ain't your fit, then we got little Frankie right here on the sidestep. We got...you know what I'm saying? If you don't like Ernie as that entree, then we got little...that little side item Sammy right here. He'll get in there and he'll nut around until somebody has something new to give birth to. Let's hear more. So this paid for.

But one of the strangest dates I've had. But I think from the six tournaments, I've learned I could have two boyfriends. I think I would be okay with two men. They even could be related. I don't think I would mind that. But just two boyfriends, I think would be good. Double the fun, really. What you think about it? Let me know.

Have a good one. See you two weekends. Bye-bye. Oh, wow. It took a turn. Oh, look, these days, we're in Corvid times. We're in the last chapter of the Bible, I feel like. And I don't know what it is. Athegians or whatever.

I don't even know. I'm not even sure what's back there. I think it's just a damn tat. It's like an inventory of how many men and how many sheep were in the whole book. But this is the end. People aren't even clocking in for work anymore. The only people even working are Mexican. I mean, we're at the end. I was just in Minneapolis.

There's nobody even in the city anymore. Everything's dessert. There's murals everywhere. You achieved it. You achieved maximum diversity. There's nobody there. They should call it Minneapolis. Because there ain't anybody in that batch. So this is the end of time, baby. If you want to get that double up,

get that family, make a game show out of your vagina, I would. You know what I'm saying? Let each of them boys take that chance at that procreation. Maybe do a little, you know. And at least you're going to achieve your grandfather's goals or whatever by giving him that little papoose. And look, a lot of us, we just want somebody to love. It doesn't matter what form it comes in or how it comes.

You know a lot, I think if you can be honest with your partner about it. But there's certainly a new age of people that's more about polyamory and polyigamous. And they'll let you do whatever. If you want to have a little bit of Oreo over here. If you want to have a little choco taco, but you want to also, you know, get a little bit of these butter nutters over there.

You could do it all. You know what I'm saying? You could hide an M&M in your ass if you want. And the whole time be skittlin' under your tongue. People doing it all. And it's, I think as long as everybody, there's not as much jealousy maybe. I grew up in the real jealousy era. You saw somebody talk, you talking to them?

Oh man. No, no, no, Rhonda. No, no. But that's chain hours too, you know. If somebody will feed Rhonda for the night, you're welcome to take her off of my hands, baby. How are we doing upstairs? That's that upstairs cam.

So it's a lot of, there's definitely more sharing is caring. That's really come a long way. You know, a friend of mine said her daughter is getting taken care of half the time by her grandmother. And at first I thought, man, it's a little, it might be messed up, but then I thought, well, that's how it probably used to be. People living in how the whole family's in there. You go to Korea, you flush the toilet,

you'll drown one of your damn cousins or whatever. Everybody's in the damn, everybody's in the house. You open up a top of a shipper robe, and you know, your great uncle's in there. You know, when he's almost deceased, but he's also covered in socks. So he's warm. But it's like the whole family sticks together

and it's more of a tribal thing. So I like it. And also shout out to the date for bringing Cuzzo along, huh? Talk about being a wing man. Talk it, that's like a Buffalo wild wing man. And watch them steal that and make that a, if that isn't, they might already have that as a wing man. I bet they do.

That's an advertiser piece, but, but yeah, you look, stay alert, stay alarmed. Somebody gave me a damn shiv the other night before my own show when I was having a little sandwich at a halfway house. So if you don't think we on the last notch of the belt, if you don't think this buckle's about to bust, then you don't know nothing. About a 35 inch waist homie gang, gang.

Thank you for calling Katie. Yeah, who not? Look, two men. Yeah. But you're going to, I wonder if y'all split that check three ways. That's what I wonder if y'all thriced up that check. Yeah. That's interesting.

Dude, if I'd have been on a date and some lady brings her fricking cousin, I got twice the chances of a date of a meeting somebody over one dinner. I'm having one BLT, but I got double the chances of some TIT. There's four TITs at the table. Whoo. I'm hoping milk for dessert. No way. Let's get another call that came in.

Here we go. Oh, this one right here. What's up Theo? This is John from Maryland. I just got a question for you. I wanted to see what your views on monogamy are just with everything going on nowadays seems like it's a lot less than it used to be. And I don't know if I feel like it's going to be a part of my generation.

Just wanted to get your thoughts on that. Love you, man. Thanks for everything. Looking forward to see you and Charlotte gang gang buzz buzz. Gang brother. Wow. And I was in Charlotte and so I'm sure we saw each other there. And that was cool, man.

So thank you for coming. I hope it was a good show. Some nights I felt like they're good and some nights I felt like they're not. Honestly, that's just me. They're all I know. It's like I give it a mall every time, but some nights they're, you know, me. I mean Jeepers. I just, if I was, if I enjoyed things, we wouldn't even have this show.

So, but I did just crack open to a damn word of this boy. Hmm. They are good, huh? Hmm. You have enough words, man. You start dating a sister, I think they're good. I'm going to set it down because I know the sound of it in ideal for some of you. You know, I think it's interesting that monogamy is becoming less of a thing.

I believe it. Because I think you're, you're, you're getting marriages. They're not work because people want to have some freedom. They want to be able to sneak around a pine tree and blow somebody out or touch somebody's asshole or whatever. You know, these kids are doing. I don't know. I'm not around children when they're sexual.

Um, but yeah, people want to just be able to explore. People want to be able to explore. And before there was shows about like they had cheaters, you know, when they got that Jewish Italian dude or whatever, and they stabbed him on the boat because big Adrian is, uh, you know, he's out there, you know, just bored and down some thick guy's wife or something at a wedding or whatever you saw the shit. Uh, but, but yeah, and they used to have, they had the, you know, uh, you know, uh, Phil Donahue's or whatever.

Ricky Lake. They had all these Wendy Williams or the, um, what's a guy's name? Oh, not Chucky. He's so I like, huh, you could be the daddy. That guy, whatever. Who's the dad? Who is. And they bring up in the envelope and it's like the, I think it used to be an advertisement

for them UPS or whatever, but they're like stamps.com. You know, uh, Sinclair, you are the father and then the, the package or whatever it's from stamps.com. But, uh, anyway, so I don't want to talk about, um, uh, oh, so that was it. The cheating was a big thing. It's like, oh, you cheated, you cheated your mind, your mind. This is our thing. This is, and everything is good.

It's getting more swirly. We are beige bound. I say that a lot on here. Everything going to end up beige. We're getting to the end. We're seeing, I think the downside of, uh, the comforts of a capitalist, of maybe capitalist America. I don't know that.

I don't know enough knowledge to know that, but we could be coming to the end of, you know, every period of history has a time mezzo-loic, uh, game of thrones, dragons, uh, Columbus, NASA, and what are we in now, dude? I don't even know really freelance. So you're seeing all, you know, everything kind of goes through its time. And I think, and if this could be what, you know, I don't know. Do you guys think we're at the end of times as far as like what American society has been like, do you think, or do you think we're just going through a little transition period

and it's going to come out bigger and brighter? Um, what do you think on that? I'm curious. I wonder sometimes is, you know, are we stuck in this, in this swipe society where we're just, we're literally just swiping for things that we want, whether they're human or not about a human food, uh, Insta cart, Insta heart, we're looking, all of it is, is we have access to it all. And so it is at all lose its meaning when it's right there.

If you wake up with food in your mouth, man, it's then the part of you that wants to eat, it'll die. I think not the party that swallows the food, but the party that wants to eat, but more so the party that wants to hunt. That's the scary thing. That's what I scared. I'm going to have one more lick on this candy. They are good.

Let, I found that in my truck earlier. Um, so those are some of my thoughts on it, man. And I'd love to know what some of you guys think, what are some of your thoughts on those types of things? 956649503. Another call came in, we got a beautiful single mom that we're going to hit up at the end of today's show. You know, my mom texted me yesterday and it's told me she was real proud of me and that

made me feel good. I'm also going to tell you what's going to help you keep your hair. That's keeps, you know, so many men get rid of their hair falls out falls in at her tub, their shirt. Dude, I had a buddy he would keep collect all his hair in his bathroom and dry it out on the counter and shit and try to fucking just kind of put it back in his head on Friday night. My friend Jeremy, dude, and I respected it.

But it was, it was also kind of crazy. So but also pretty decent guy. He did online gaming for a while and and then his mom left him actually, he lived with his mother and she, he wouldn't move out. So she moved out. Pretty cool Miss Martha. Pretty cool. Okay.

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What else? Let's get into it here. What's up Theo? This is Corvin. What's up Corvin? He named after, I'm guessing, probably a Corvette and a van, maybe? Cool. One of your parents was cool and one of them drove a van.

Onward brother. Civil engineer in great state of Mississippi. Oh, dang, bro, engineer, y'all been engineering civility over there, huh? I haven't been there in a while. I got to get back. But thank you, I can't imagine engineer in civility. That seems absolutely impossible. But it seemed like a vibrant undertaking.

So thank you for your service, brother. I know you said to call in about what scares us. I think mine would be getting old on 25 right now, getting married, coming down the pipe. My hair's falling out, starting to pull some gray hairs. You know, I don't want to be 40. I don't want to, you know, get old, but I don't want to die at the same time. I just got out of college, man. But yeah, I don't know, somebody getting old, just want to know your thoughts on it.

Love the podcast, brother. Keep it going. Gang, gang. Thanks, Corvin. I appreciate you, man. And yeah, I appreciate the question. Yeah, getting old is always really scared me. I feel like I'm running out of time to learn whatever lessons that I'm supposed to learn

or that the gods want me to learn or that my higher power, you know, that I'm not going to have enough time to learn certain things. Your looks start disappearing, that gets dicey. That gets dicey, dude. Your nuts get longer. When you got to reach for your nuts, when you reach for your nuts and you have to reach a little bit in a different place than you used to reach, that's, that's a lot. For your hair, I would say, dude, don't pull out the gray hairs.

Keep them in because you can die them later. You'll want that. If you pluck them, then those hairs are gone. So then later, if you don't have any hair, you're going to wish you'd never pluck them. Just a note. That's a suggestion. So you can do whatever you want. You could cut your head off if you want.

Um, yeah, getting old is always scary, man. My father was so old. You know, my father, obviously I've mentioned was 70 when I was born. He was 70 years old. So when I got to know him, he was 75, 77, you know, about 80 by the time I kind of really got a good look at him and watching him move and watching him be unable to do things, watching him rest. His eyes were always water.

And that's a weird one. Oh, people, water starts coming out of him wherever it can. You know, they'll have to pee or something. They'll fall asleep and they'll just cry for like 30 minutes while they're sleeping. They'll wake up and won't even have to pee anymore. And they just, you know, just their tear ducts was just doing urine, you know, just crazy. Things happen when you're old, you know, they smell like milk, start smelling like milk, like baby milk.

Um, yeah, it's alarming, man. I think the thing that gets the thing that I noticed for me that makes it spookier is not filling my life sometimes with things that make you then feel young. I'll fill it with a lot of like worldly stuff that makes me feel young. You know, I date women at all ages anywhere from probably, you know, 40 to probably 25. So some of you did a younger lady makes you feel a little bit younger, but I'll stay young. I'll play hoops with the, you know, younger generations and stuff like that. You know, I'll listen to future, I'll do different shit.

I'm a nylon boy. I'll listen to those freaking little pineapple wiggas right there, dude. Jeepers. Come on. What is that? Um, but yeah, it's, there's something about it that stings, man. Is that, is that the fact that you don't know? You know, the fact that you get, but I, you know, I think get it.

I think you want to make sure you get to do the things you can do while you're here. That's what I think is probably a bigger fear that you get to love someone, that you get to apologize to somebody, that you get to forgive someone, um, that you get to take responsibility, that you get to maybe see your child, that you get to hug them or hold them, that you get to, uh, that you get to let somebody know how much they mean to you, that you get to have real, real, real human experiences, that those moments where when you're, when your mouth wants to say something, you don't say something that you, that you override those things, that you really push the pedal on this experience of being human.

That's, that's one way to defeat some of that aging feeling, I think. I think people used to feel like this was all there was in the existence realm. Now, thanks to, I think just our own imaginations, thanks to times changing, uh, less ghosts, I think people are moving on and doing different things after they die. There's other experiences. And so I think people are more curious about those, especially if we're living in a society where maybe people aren't always making the most out of all of the fricking, uh, you know, out of all the stuff we got, but, and I don't mean to sound that in a, in like a dower way,

but I start noticing for myself, well, I want to feel different. I want to have different feelings. Well, I need to have a different environment. I need to adjust what it is. And that means I need, I need to have a family. I need to love someone, I need to be brave enough to do these things that are going to make me feel alive. And that, I think Caller, Caller balances the aging, um, because yeah, it's a little

spooky getting older, man. And fighting to stay young is the, oh, that's the worst. Dude, I went on a date with a gal and I showed, she's what music we're playing in the car. And I give her my phone. And she is like, you have I music, she's like, what are you, like 60 and I was, I just felt so embarrassed. I should have done Spotify. So just little things like that.

You're afraid to talk about movies. Like, oh, have you seen this movie? Have you seen land before time too? And you just see your date's face just disappear. And it just like, just things like, like, like trying to stay young is very hard. It's also kind of fun though, trying to stay young, um, but we're all chasing that moment of just when time was being older, wasn't even a thing. There was no older.

You were so just all systems go man, everything was just like maybe 10 years old when you thought about being across the room and you were across the room where you lie, your friends would make you live just like everything was so free when you have to worry about, there was no concerns, no worries. So to be that way again, no matter what age you are, that is such a search, I think to be that free, that age doesn't even, you don't even let it count you anymore because you such a G dog because you such a damn Bruce Lee of life that when age comes to count you or cake you up one year, you say, Hey, fam, you could do it, but you know, I'm bigger

than that. You know, I'm doing something that you can't calculate and live it in that kind of joy. I think there's a lot of value in that and this, but how do you get there? I don't know, but that's one of the true journeys of life. That's why I always pains me when people die young that they don't get to try and see how things work and get to have the most out of this experience. But I don't know. Thank you for that question, man.

Let me think. All right. Let's take one more call here. Oh, wow. So really a lot of Southern calls from this episode. We got to let's get some good calls from other places too, man. Portland. I want to hear from you guys.

Australia. What do you guys are? What are y'all doing? Y'all home call. Hit the hotline. [phone]. I'm not sure that two or three digit code. I think you might have to put in a little bit and I love y'all's autism show, man.

God, God made me damn one Australian autism, bro. People fucking on that kind. Let's hear it. I'm just listening to your podcast, you're wondering where everybody's from and what they do for a living and what scares them. I'm a crop duster, so I fly 145 miles an hour about six feet off the ground at a great time under power lines and over trees. What scares me?

I'm afraid of spiders, but that really doesn't matter. Man, I love what you do. I always get a kick out of all your podcasts and even the podcast you do with that C.T. fellow. Love you, man. Keep doing what you're doing. Thanks, brother. Love you, too, man.

Thanks, Reeve, for the call, man. Yeah, dude, you crop duster, huh? Wow. You out there, you're that hit man on them bugs, baby, that real school shooter for bugs, damn, you out there just taking care of those soybeans, corn, cotton, I'm guessing. I remember when I used to work on a, used to work out there near Deer Park in Vidalia, Louisiana on some of the corn and soy farms and, and sometimes we would get a crop duster to come in and we'd go watch them be pretty cool, you know, nice change of pace from the

day break up the afternoon or whatever. Yeah, you should be scared to, look, if you're scared of spiders, man, I don't blame you. Those little things sneaky as hell, man, especially, you, you, some of you see them videos at a funeral or climb out of a damn eyeball or whatever, they're crazy, bro, spiders are, they, you know, the real Fred Astaire of the insect kingdom, too, because they could really, you put a right song on, they'll fucking hit the beat, boy. Eight legs, damn, bro. You see in a two step, what about that eight step dog?

You know what I'm saying? They'll day to day. Dude, they definitely, they're rick and Morty right out of their own pants, bro. They could do anything they want really. So, so I'm glad your crop duster, I'm glad you're killing them. I'm glad you're killing other bugs that are really doing bad stuff out there because I hate getting an apple, have something a little worm, a little something a little hole in it, a little damn hornet or something stung it or just all kind of shit, get a little ant

up in your damn strawberry or something. So I'm glad I'm, I'm glad knowing you out there in the airwaves, risking your life going under power lines. Somebody's got to do it, man. I'm glad you're doing it. I'm glad you're here with us while you still are, dude, anything could happen to you. You guys, a dangerous job you guys have, you know, really, it's a really, you guys get euthanized all the time by the, by the power like, you know, you guys get really shut down

by God a lot. So stay safe out there, man, and keep killing them insects, baby gang. And actually we're having trouble locating the, the call that came in to nominate the single mom. So we are going to postpone it. We'll do it next time on the next solo episode. Oh, right. So yeah, we'll get to that next time and thank you guys for being a part of my life.

I hope you guys are being good to yourselves. You deserve it. I'm feeling a little bit exhausted right now, so I'm going to shut it down and take a nap or do something to, to help alleviate some, you know, I just feel, yeah, I just get overrun by like these stressful feelings and so some of them I just have to shut it down. So that's what I'm going to do. And the way I'm going to listen to a song that I've really come to love and, and this guy just captures a, you know, he, he, I've never had music that really just spoke to

me. Just spoke was like saying words that I always wanted to be able to say and, and just couldn't and, and this man does it, dude. It's a white guy and, and yeah, we're going to go out on this gang gang, baby, if you're up stairs, stay there and, and I'll see you there in the future. And I'll see you guys in Charleston and Asheville this weekend. And that's it. Thank you very much.

If you need the hotline, if you're struggling with something, 985-664-9503. It's always open and, uh, love you gang. I won't call so you won't answer, we won't talk the way we used to. In my mind, I'm back at 20, broke and died in my part. Dying young seems so much fun, when in your mind, you're all alone, there's something in my head, my heart, a part of me that always hurts. On my own, I tend to fall apart, am I more than you bargained for? You don't have to say you're sorry, if it's too hard for you to love me, when I get stuck

in this condition, you try to help, I try to listen, and I dissolve into my darkness, your heart breaks and I feel hopeless, it's not your fault if I can't hold on, there's something in my head, my heart, a part of me that always hurts. On my own, I tend to fall apart, am I more than you bargained for? You don't have to say you're sorry, if it's too hard for you to love me, when I get stuck in this condition, you try to listen, and I dissolve into my darkness, your heart breaks and I feel hopeless, it's not your fault if I can't hold on, there's something in my head, my heart breaks and I feel hopeless, it's not your fault if I can't hold on, there's

something in my head, my heart breaks and I feel hopeless, it's not your fault if I can't hold on, there's something in my head, my heart breaks and I feel hopeless, it's not your fault if I can't hold on, there's something in my head, it's not your fault if I can't hold on, I'm begging God and please, most of your time will bemakers or