This Past Weekend - E374 Robbie Williams and Mark Hayes

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

Robbie Williams is an English singer and entertainer with 11 #1 albums in the UK, who holds the world record for most ticket sales in a single day. Mark Hayes is an Irish comedian and writer who resides in Los Angeles.  Robbie Williams and Mark Hayes join the show to discuss mental health, losing your virginity, and the contract that was put out on Robbie's life. They also discuss supernatural activity in Los Angeles, and crushing hotel minibars on Ambien. Theo names all the British people he can think of. Find Robbie Williams IG: https://www.instagram.com/robbiewilliams/  Find Mark Hayes IG: https://www.instagram.com/themarkhayes/  -------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com -------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/THEO for 10% off your first month. Peloton: https://onepeloton.com Try the Peloton app free for 2 months. Bridge Credit Solutions: https://www.bridgecreditsolutions.com/theo Schedule your free credit audit now. Modiphy: https://modiphy.com/theo Get 50% off your starting cost and the last website you'll ever need. Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com -------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek -------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 525 Royal Pkwy PO Box 292634 Nashville, TN 37229 -------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips -------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Jake https://www.instagram.com/jakerohret/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the show today guys. I want to let you know that I have some tour dates If you want to see me in live in the live space visual Real-time they call it IRL Jacksonville, Florida February 2nd. I'll be there St. Petersburg, Florida February 3rd Orlando, Florida February 5th Lafayette, Indiana February 24th Rockford, Illinois February 25th Chicago, Illinois February 26th Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh, that's sold out now May 6th. We may add one there and then in Los Angeles, California at the Wilton May 7th That is all return of the rat tour. You can grab those tickets are on see now the ovan.com

slash tour today's guests are two men who have Who are from another country and they left their country? I'm not sure why exactly but But that's what they did and I'm we're very happy to have them here today. They are one of the most One of the greatest selling artists of all time of modern time of all

BC or ASA AD Mr. Robbie Williams and and comedian Mark Hayes Yeah, what's the most a fancy thing ever that you bought for yourself? What's the most fancy thing that I ever bought for myself? What a really big house Really really big house Like because I had I had a place that I would say was like quite humble for me Yeah, I look it back. Yeah, and that was like a mansion. Yeah, like a mansion in Beverly Hills in a gated community

and it was but Then I just was like I want to put my foot down on this and out on it But bought bought a place in Beverly Hills. It's 20 acres. Yeah, do you have right now? Yeah? Oh, 28 20 acres 30,000 square foot No Yeah, wait, that's 20 acres. Yeah, dude. You could do other rooms that you haven't been in in months 27 toilets That's unreal isn't it? Yeah, that's but let me tell you the thinking. Okay, so so the thinking is this let me push this back

So you make some money Yeah, and then you want to keep that money, right? And then you want to do things that you understand and I don't understand much so Gen you you know and you got all these stocks and shares and investments that you can make I don't understand them Right, what do I understand? I understand bricks and mortar, right? so if I have some bricks and mortar and the stock market and everything goes to Helen a hand basket it It it still exists the bricks and mortar will be there So I took the money out of the investments and invested it into bricks and mortar

Yeah, and bought this place 20 acres 30,000 square foot blah blah blah blah, and you're just like, ah I did a grown-up thing. I did a grown-up thing. Yeah, and you I'm really proud of myself and then you go right, okay What you don't take into consideration is 20 acres needs tending in Beverly Hills. Oh, yeah So you need two gardeners And then that's where I come in and yeah Hold on hold on though. So then you've got your insurance for the house So the insurance on the house because of the fires is 700 grand Wait, so the insurance because of fires is 700 grand a year. Yeah

Seriously, yeah, and then you have your house tax thing each year, which is 400,000 So basically what you don't take into consideration when you buy bricks and mortar, especially in California is that Okay, so you need two gardeners Three housekeepers a house manager. Wow. I have security two nannies For you. Yeah Just for me. Yeah So then what so basically what I'm saying is you can't win anyway because you know the the

The the the tax of actually the like the life tax right the head tax right of having a property that big You just can't enjoy it You come you come down left off the mic a little. Sorry. It's good. You come downstairs And you see 11 cars parked in your car park outside and they all work at yours. Wow So, you know, you what I'm basically wandering around A super yacht. Yeah on land. Oh, so it's sort of like drain. It's like a super yacht drain But on land why because you constantly just see the money going by you mean Yeah, yeah, you just see I walk down and everything looks like an expense kind of well

I walk into the kitchen today and there is one two three four five six seven eight people None of them are my family Yeah, brother, so you know to me and they're they're all doing a job for me And so I it's just like, you know, like an an old taxi where you just sort of like watching the The cash go up and up. Oh Even earlier when I walked in how many people were like cooking food? There was eight people in the kitchen Yeah, it's not including us and and the four kids. Yeah, that's why it's like it feels homely here Yeah, there's so many people and like the food was cooking. Oh, that's nice

So my big expense. Yeah is on people that work for me, right? I'm not a big I'm not a big sort of Needless if for example, if I want a like bling watch, I'm like love hip hop I want a bling watch too. I then get in touch with the company and see what I can do for the company To get the watch for free. Oh, I see. So you like to see you like to save money in some some centers Uh, I don't know what that is. That's what we Anyway back to what we were talking on the way in that's the level of money I'm willing to spend on a studio is one where you have to hear something in the distance every day

Anxiety so what's going on? I don't know man. I think I just get overwhelmed. I don't like being like a boss I don't like having like once comedy kind of started to turn more also into podcasting you have to like You know help get things done and make sure that everything runs smoothly and it just becomes A bit like I think it just starts to exhaust me. I don't get to be as creative, you know So when I'm listening to you say that you have help and people are helping you I'm like that really perks my ears up because I'm like but then but then you just have another level of problems Before you got anxiety about being the boss. You were anxious about something else. Yeah

So you just you're just swapping problems. Yeah Yeah But mine sounds like a better problem than yours Yours is a fountain out front of it. Yeah No, but but yeah, my problem does feel better than yours. Yeah I win Who's got better problems that would be almost a great game show It's just like somebody's like I've got down syndrome and somebody else is like I've got anxiety and people vote in the crowd

I'd be like have diarrhea. Yeah, I got a paper cut I've chafed a nipple Well, here. Do you know when you have wore a sharp shirt? There was no anxiety when you were growing up, was there? Yeah, was there or not? I know you didn't know it was anxiety basically you've just done high alert all of the time because I'm from Not a lot of money. I mean I'm from a rough area And like Billy Elliot like exactly like Billy Elliot. Yeah, I love that movie

So there's no anxiety, but like I thought That when I was growing up I had like a psychic ability To know that there was going to be trouble that was I thought that it was like I've got this inbuilt radar that detects Trouble, but actually what it is is you're around sociopaths and psychopaths. So you're actually scared all of the time Yeah, all all of the time Just living in fear all of the time and like my wife who's from Beverly Hills. Yeah She's had an en suite all of her life

I'm from a place where we had a bath on sunday and I was a third in the bath I'm third in the water, huh? Third in the water. Yeah, you freaking collecting coins at that point probably My grandma, right? My grandma first in didn't have a indoor toilet until 1983 Yeah, just open the alley out in the yard. Wow. Yeah, it's almost hot. She could she could have an only fans now That's what's crazy. Yeah, I said now that so but that's so your grandma's toilet I somebody would pay for it. I'm sure Colin or Jake one of these guys are freaking chipping on it I've seen some pretty dark stuff. I'm sure Um, but yeah, so what so we saw you a lot of fear

So you always felt fear because one of my first feelings that I ever remember in the whole world is being afraid Yeah Yeah, my my first memory is lucid dreaming That I could fly Oh damn and then I woke up and nearly threw myself down the stairs Yeah, but I because I was born in a pub Yeah, yeah, so like really we lived in a pub for my first four years So I know that my first memory. I must have been three or under

And it was lucid dreaming. Who are you? Who am I? Yeah, because I've just been doing a load of talking and you're just Oh, we're just sitting here with Robbie Williams and Marques. I mean, we'll we'll do an intro in the beginning too And you guys are mates and you guys are from another country. Oh, yeah, Ireland England two separate countries Two separate countries. Yeah to americans. Yeah, yeah to us. I think it does run together, you know I feel like america's getting so weird people are starting to go back I've been seeing like may flowers and stuff ads on the internet for like the new may flower and it's heading back across To England. I think people are the titanic is going home a big cook. Yeah

I think people are willing to take on an iceberg just to maybe change the scope of things Here's the thing though. I think america is so good. No matter how mental it gets Will still come. Yeah. Yeah Because you're just like you just see Baywatch or you see like MTV. Oh, yeah, I want that Yeah, you see one warm tit on a show. Yeah, and you're just like oh, this is better than a cold tit Yeah I've lived in LA for 21 years And I I don't know if you have this with LA or you have this at all

But like every five years, I'll try and leave LA Something will happen where I'll just get pissed off and there'll be like a a bunch of things Or a bunch of people where I'm just like you've really let me down in only a way that people in los angeles can let me down Oh, yeah, that's true. And then I go and then I am leaving and then I get on a plane And I take all the dogs and the children and my clothes And I land in england and I got I need to get back. This is shit Have you heard that happen all the time every time I've done it. I've done it four times Yeah, like I bought a house in the countryside in england. Wow, right. I bought this. It's a castle, isn't it?

Yeah, bought this place in the countryside in england and like this is our forever home wife And we are living here now and we leave those people dastardly people in los angeles And the children will grow here and will provide memories And I better not tell her that I hate it and I want to move back second night Really second night of buying the house. I don't like it. Was that really was it the english anxiety coming in? Because I get that in erland if I went home and like sat in my couch. I'm like, oh This is where like I was trying to get away from Yeah, but do you think it's because something feels like

Simpler there. Does it feel like not? Like what are some of the feelings that would make you think that it's is it too quiet? Is it too Simple is it too old-fashioned? Like are there things that make you think like? I think in erland it feels a bit restricted or as an LA like anything could happen as opportunity You're walking. Yeah, and like if sometimes it obviously does. Yeah, most of the time obviously it doesn't yeah But in los angeles, you just think I am going I'm walking around the corner and adam sandler is going to go We should do a biopic about your life where I play you and I'm like, yeah adam sandler that should happen

It's delusional that every one of our levels. Yeah. Yeah. There's a guy who's spider-man screaming at people He's like I think it used to be more like that was a possibility though You know, I think it used to I I don't or that used to be certainly a dream Do you think that's still I think maybe in our age that was a dream like you're like, yeah I can walk down the street and like erica strata is gonna walk up or freaking uh You know, I'm trying to think of somebody else. Lou Ferrino. Yeah, Lou Ferrino, dude I finally stood behind in a post office one time and his wife. I think he's deaf. I didn't even know that which Makes the whole incredible Hulk way more messed up. I think dude painting the death guy green is insane

In 21 years of living here The only thing that has actually happened Like that where somebody walks up to you and offers you something Was I was at gallery 16 in the valley and I was offered the chance To be the bachelor Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who you are. I don't know. Yeah, you have that look Yeah, maybe maybe it was a while ago, but like the only thing that's ever happened was sort of like you could be the bachelor Yeah, yeah, I think a lot that that kind of took over where like it was like reality shows people could get like the possibility

No No, why? I just would have I think I'd have uh That's a good question why I couldn't be the bachelor, man I think I would just be kind of scared. I would just be I don't know I'd be flirting with the chicks, but then like I'd be trying to perv out at night probably and like Sneak around or something. It was I don't know. I'd probably get busted master bait

You know something bad something that would make me seem a little bit strange. I think Your true self comes out. Yeah, I think my true self. I think my true self can't help but come out Okay, let's let's pitch that show. Okay, but let's pitch it where it's called something else now, but it's the same as the bachelor Okay What streaming service is it on or what tv channel is it on? What's it called? The perv the perv maybe called uh Who's tom thumb? Isn't it a famous character tom thumb?

It's yeah, it's he's in the fairy tale or something Maybe like a peeping tom something for peeping tom's, but where they're like doing well, maybe maybe you wouldn't be maybe you'd be the Is it chris hansen? Oh, maybe you'd be the presenter of that Oh, yeah, and then you wouldn't have to be you wouldn't have to be the perv. Yeah I could be like the perv wrangler the perv wrangler. Yeah, I'd be the perv I'd make a good perv. Hey, listen straight after this Ted surround us hop in the car. We'll go pitch it Yeah Here we come mr. Sarandos back to the england thing. Yeah take some explaining so you get over there

So this is what happens for me. Okay, so At one point in my life I was ridiculously famous right in a country that you haven't been to right and like but Ridiculously like michael jackson style famous right and how old was he? How old was I? Yeah Um, I became famous when I was 17. Oh, man Yeah, I joined a boy band when I was 16 the boy band took off right and then when I was 21 I left and then I had a solo career and sold 80 million albums

Hold the oh the record for the most tickets sold in a day for a tour and blah blah blah and all of that business So this meets with I'm sober, right? I'm a sober guy, right? but this meets with depression and anxiety and mental illness And extreme fame and extreme success. Yeah and I came to America to

promote an album And I'm over here promoting this album and I'm in like mil walkie And I'm doing a radio station to eight people at seven o'clock in the morning And like I already have like millions in the bank and a huge following And like I'm in mil walkie and I'm depressed and I'm anxious and there's a guy going g rabbi That was a great performance. I hope we can play your record and I'm It's seven o'clock in the fucking morning. What's this hope? I can play your record. Yeah

And so I'm going around America doing all of this stuff and I'm like going I'm gone So all of this fame is making me anxious and depressed And if I go to America, I'm famous in Papua New Guinea if I'm famous in America Right So this realisation is happening as I'm travelling through America trying to break America And then I remember doing like a rock the vote performance in New York

Like and I've never voted in my life And I'm trying to tell the kids to vote And I'm like, this is this is not authentic And then I'm like, I'm gone. What am I doing here? Why am I trying to break this? It why don't I go and live there live in an anonymity and then Have a nice life

So the pair that the the grown-up driving the car made a decision to not promote in America and not do anything So 21 years ago. I moved here and turned everything down. I was offered in the States Like the bachelor Like the bachelor So basically this is what happens is that I live in anonymity here and I really really enjoy that Then I try to move back to my home country and remember that I have no anonymity there And that makes me feel anxious and depressed. And then I move back to Los Angeles. So that's basically what happens You know keeping things fresh is uh, it's tantamount

It's paramount It's important Um, it's one of the premier things and I have trouble keeping things fresh, you know, I'm not a real I'm not that fresh, man I'm not that fresh if you look at the in the crisper drawer in my house. You're not gonna. There's nothing in there You know, I I don't really have that much uh That that much that's fresh in my world But who does is peloton One peloton, that's right

They've got the bike the bike plus But they're freshening things up for the new year. They've got boxing new music artist series New daily workout varieties It's easy to stick to your goals when you freshen them up When you spray a little bit of that Imagine it's taking your goal one of your goals and opening its dang mouth and just spraying a mint breath mint in there

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Slash app to learn more that's two months free at o-n-e p-e-l-o-t-o-n.com All for expires 131 22 terms apply This podcast is sponsored by better help you know, uh Man, I've had a lot of unmanageability in my brain Um And then it's in my life

You know, what starts upstairs in my head ends downstairs In my life And so I've got to manage that I've been spending time recently to take more advantage of getting well Better help can do that for you. They will assess your needs and match you with a licensed professional therapist They're not joking around They don't want to waste your time

You'll get thoughtful responses The service is available for clients worldwide It is committed to facilitating better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches Get some help and get a therapist. You can talk to them. You can video Skype with them journaling You can send out probably a homing pigeon and come back with them You're doing good. It'll say Visit betterhelp.com slash

t-h-e-o. That's better h-e-l-p Dot com slash Theo Join the over two million people Who have taken charge of their mental health? Special offer for this past weekend listeners get 10 off your first month at better help dot com Slash Theo this spot this podcast is sponsored by better help. That's insane Man, what a crazy that that that lost angels would be a place that you would come for comfort. I feel that you know Yeah, but it's interesting

Did um A lot of rappers they say that they don't like to live in their hometown because people will kill them, you know Like a lot of like like little booze. He was in here and he said he doesn't like to live in uh In louisiana because people will kill him there because they get jealous and stuff like that Is there a lot of that kind of stuff in england? Like do you I've never I've never ever said this but yeah I had a contract to help me to kill me. No way. Yeah, Jesus never said it publicly ever Did you put it out for yourself? Was it pr? Yeah

Yeah, no, is it still out? No, doesn't go away went away. Jesus. What happened? I have friends Damn, yeah, I have friends, but like, you know that that stuff sort of Is the unseen stuff that happens when You become famous because you were insanely yeah being insanely famous. I can't even fathom, you know Like I've been over to like like I've spent time around Justin Bieber. That kind of stuff is insane, you know to see um, some of these ufc guys it gets pretty insane. Really? Yeah, but I can't because it Did you feel like you needed to escape then or did you feel like you were just going Did you feel like you were leaving england like you wanted to leave or did you feel like you wanted to go somewhere else?

If that makes any sense Well, there's that there's that There's like a few levels Of fame and what it does to you and the the first one is Fuck and there's a couple more. I can't remember but the fourth one is like acceptance You know, you sort of rally against this your privacy being taken away from you and you you rally against it by um Trying to be normal and try to be normal, but also I'm gonna be small

So you don't beat me up. I'm a dickhead Don't hurt me and I'm gonna go to all the normal places. I can't go because people want to kill me and but it takes a while to get to acceptance You can do it. Yeah And then could you go to the shop in england? Yeah I could with my covid mask on oh, yeah, but you couldn't just like walk down the street and pop in

No It would cause like oh fuck You know, it's like I have anxiety And I don't like meeting strangers But like strangers want to meet me. Yeah, and I feel really uncomfortable about it And it's like thinking about it now actually gives me anxiety. So it's like it's a trigger. It's like And also you've got to be the mayor of the best town that anybody's ever visited Or else people go is one of those famous people that are a dick. Oh, yeah, you got to be the nicest guy every time

The nicest and actually it's hard. I I hate having my picture taken. I fucking hate it. I hate it with my wife Like she does instagram and I'm just like No, like the the act of having a picture taken makes me go Uh For whatever reason that is probably because so much used in the chinese believe this and I don't really even believe in the chinese a lot Of times, but I believe that it takes your soul. Yeah, it's not the chai thought it was like the indians Otherwise the indians I think that's a made up

Well, the chinese borrowed it because I remember I I was in china one time trying to take a picture of somebody and they're like They come up and try to cover the camera. Yeah, they don't want because it like they said like it captures a little bit of you Yeah, so I think it could make sense that after someone has been so like I don't want to use the term exploited, but you you know so much of your image and your voice and everything is used for Artwork or ambiance or Transaction or whatever that something's got to leave out of your spirit. It seems like it seemed like it would Do you feel that at all? Did you ever? Well that it takes a bit your soul. Yeah, maybe subconsciously. That's what it is that makes me feel anxious about it

But the what happens in the process is this is that i'm a chronic people pleaser too Yeah, it's like I want you to think that i'm the nicest person that you've ever met because if you don't and you go away having a bad Time having met me. I'll feel really awful, but also at the same time That's fucking intense, but but also at the same time is like I don't want you to have any time with me at all So I what I do is I become agrophobic, but like happily agrophobic And what is agrophobic not like crops or something, huh? Agrophobic is like where you're scared. No, it's where you see that's agriculture agrophobic is like where you're scared of going outside

Oh, but I'm not scared of going outside. I just don't want to yeah So but it's either but I I do it also here in Los Angeles where I'm not known Is that I'm not bothered to go outside. Yeah, I've been outside I've been outside One thing if it gets interesting, I think and if you want to have a bad time first of all go see one of mark shows That'll definitely put you Fuckin down the dumps. Yeah, you'll need to call a janitor to help you But it's interesting that one of the things that happens is you have

With people you have the same interaction over and over again that it gets to be not mundane because each person is You know, they're a new soul and you're you know, there's but it becomes there does become a repetition to it And sometimes I think as somebody that's creative Repetition isn't something that makes you feel comfortable Maybe or that you're like attracted to kind of so I think sometimes that can be a little bit strange Does that make any sense? Well, there is the repetition, but there's also you being an introvert doing an extrovert's job Yeah, my job is to be an extrovert

But actually why I was taking all of those drugs is to make me feel okay because I'm an introvert Yeah, is I I want to be the life and soul of the party and I also want to have Things in common with everybody and you know, but I Haven't because actually what I want to do is just stay in my bedroom all day. Yeah It's crazy that being on stage is the only time probably you get to do both Yeah Have you got kids? I don't have no kids, man. Have you managed that? I don't know. I just think I can't I'm I'm not that good at sex. I'm not like a pre like if somebody were picking people for basketball first

But it was for sex. They'd be like, you know, I'd be the guy at the end. That's like, hey, what about me? You know, but I think I just haven't really I don't know. I think I want to hold you. I'm 41. I'm 40. I'm 40 You look at I'm I'm 40 or 41 So what do you think's gonna I mean that I want to have a I need to have a family So I'm trying to get some help right now for like I've got a lot of commitment issues 41 there you go. Bam

So, um Do you go to therapy? Yeah, so I'll go to therapy at 5 p.m. Tomorrow and I'm thinking about going away next month doing like a Couple of week or month men's retreat somewhere to work on like intimacy issues. I just have a lot of like Commitment. I just really have a tough time committing. Just fucking do it. Yeah. I like your attitude. No, but no the other side Yeah, this guy is the worst. Yeah, but he's so unconscious. Yeah. Oh, he is unconscious. He's completely and utterly unconscious It's like he you've you've stripped away all of your stuff. You're sober, right? Yeah, okay So you're a sober guy. You don't get the joy of being unconscious

You you you see your problems and you go, I've got to deal with that. He's dealing with nothing No, no, he's not it's great. He's yeah. He's in the hov lane. He has nobody in the car with him. Yeah And he's not even in a car. He's moving backwards. Yeah, he's moving backwards. Yeah He's moving backwards and he's walking backwards. I enjoy it. Yeah, he does. That's the thing Yeah, I'm just thinking it's better to be unconscious. Oh, he's like a hot dumb girl trapped in a daft man over here I feel it. Wait, man. And I say that lovingly bud I say I say that lovingly too. I say that with like pangs of jealousy. Yeah Yeah, oh, yeah to be just happy and just he's the happiest guy

I call him sometimes just to get happiness out of him He sometimes he told me a funny thing. He goes tomorrow. I get to know you the sadder it is But like Like you're in that predicament where it's like it's bad But it's not bad enough not bad enough for a minute. I don't know if it ever will be Yeah, that's it. It just stays above the zone Yeah, because like mine is sort of like, you know break out in handcuffs lock me up. Really? Oh, yeah lose wife lose kids lose job lose everything. Oh, yeah, I wouldn't have that

You need to get famous so bad things can happen to you. Oh, it would be bad for him. It really would. Yeah Like he hasn't got a fucking clue. He would be busted immediately for something. Yeah Yeah, so you just need you need a bit of fame. Yeah, you actually just stay where you are. You're good Yeah, right in the zone. Oh, you're in a perfect spot mark You're always having fun. He loves chasing the ladies and the ladies love him somehow. You know, yeah, they really do It's charm. I think it's good looks Mostly good looks it's charm charm. It's charm. It's like Pete Davidson thing. Yeah Yeah, it's probably good hair. He looks like Pete Moss Davidson, you know

From culture club Bring up Pete Moss. Can you bring it up? P. E. A. T. M. O. S. S There you are Yeah, he's like Pete Moss Davidson. It's just an actual. Yeah, there you go. Look at that preserved forest moss That's him right there. That's my hair. Get a good look at him. Yep Yep It's not the reference that you were going for Yeah, just kind of a damaged fern

I think the Alisa's compliments. Yeah Yeah, sometimes I think um, did you have like a lot of problems with like, uh Like commitment and stuff like that. Was it hard for you to get a wife? I mean, I'm sure it was easy because okay, so It was genuinely the biggest leap of faith to ever make Wow And I could have missed it and it was a sliding doors moment and You you may have missed

The perfect person for you. It's too late No, you stay away. Well, here's okay. So he does better. He's okay. So here's the thing, right? Yeah I mean, I'm I'm anxious. I'm depressed I can't keep my penis in my pants. Yeah Um, I can't look after myself How the hell am I going to turn up and be a decent human being for another person? Right? Exactly. I'm listening now. Yeah Yeah, okay. Yeah, so that's that's what I was thinking. It's like How I can't do this

I can't be the person that I want to be or the person that you need me to be so I'm not going to bother right As it happens 17 years later for kids later. I am that guy and I was that guy and I was given the I gave myself the opportunity to be that guy My beautiful wife gave me the opportunity to be that guy and believed in me But did you just say one day I'm that guy? Did you go to like therapy? Did you do other things you did that helped you get there? It's like giving up drinking or giving up drugs. Yeah, it genuinely is one day at a time 17 years worth of days later with my wife

I'm in a monogamous relationship with somebody that I really like who's really cool Really great to look at really smart and really creative And I out you are you can be that guy Yeah, me too. You can't You can't you're so far away from being that guy It does sound like a big leap of faith. Oh, it's the biggest because not only that Yeah, she gets half if I'm not that guy That's what I was gonna say because then you I like to reject in the future

I'd be like, ah, yeah, but if it doesn't work. So fuck it. Don't don't leap But you're more you if your wife that's got to be crazy to go to bed at night and know if your wife kills you She's coming up roses I don't even think about that bit. But at the start it was just like there is When you asked when you said I'm gonna you're gonna be my girlfriend Were you serious about it when you said it to her? No, I didn't I didn't say that I broke up with her three times Like like trying to come back

Yeah, like the and like the first two first three the three times that I broke up with her. She didn't even know She just like she went back to her house and then like a flat bed truck turned up with a car on it And and bin and bin bags full of clouds turned up. Oh really? Yeah. I was such a pussy I didn't even tell it that we didn't even Damn Yeah, but it's a very Irish English move. Yeah, like guess what? I got you for Christmas an apartment. Yeah There you go. Yeah, that's insane Yeah, that's like I know guys in Ireland to be like, yeah, I got a dumper and next they'll come back be like we're engaged

Yeah, yeah, they're like too weak Oh, it's most I think it's most manner. It's it's hard to just communicate with a woman. It's like looking in the face of like A puppy Yeah, I'm gonna break somebody's car Right I and I didn't have the balls to do it But I was like breaking arts left right and center because You know, I am a man of means

With a level of fame, right? So, you know and not not but ugly So I'm like a good package To people right and those so like it'd be just like tough shelf A girl would come in and go right. I She come walks into pants down palace Yeah, and then goes actually pause I'm gonna put a pause on this because I want to wife him. Oh, yeah. Oh, you remember you told me that

So, uh, there wasn't a lot of sex happening because girls would just go. This is this is a good deal I'm gonna I'm gonna play my cards here. Yes. Did you win? Uh in britain, what time do y'all use you lose y'all's virginities at like in the uk? Is it like 10 or 11 or is it 17 like uh a lot of guys? I say it's 15 to 17 Wow And indoors or outdoors people doing it more usually a field. Oh, wow Well, I was a uh a latch latch door. What do you call them in america latch key latch key kid So you had these so you was if you was home nobody else it was just you well. Well, yeah, so I took my

My The girl back to mine. Oh And then it was like I was I was I can't do that. I'm scared. I can't do this And then as she was leaving I saw all of my friends faces pointing and laughing at me lino and josephie and emmo and pete and tate all going And I was like, no, I must do this. Oh laugh. I touched your laughing because no laughing because I wasn't gonna do it Oh, so I go upstairs and I go into my room and it's a single bed And we can't fit on it. Oh, yeah

No way really my mom You're a bad man What about you markey? How'd you get rid of it, huh? Yeah, I remember I was grounded so there was a time crunch And this girl was like, oh my friend wants to meet you. Oh, this is bad. I was wearing white jeans. It was at Christmas Oh, yeah, and I met her like behind the wall like we're in muck and stuff. It was raining And she was just kept giving me green lights. Oh, yeah to keep going at one point. I was on my knees in muck I never knew what I was doing not a clue

I was just like instead of raining and stuff and Just it happened, but I didn't realize that there was an ending. That's beautiful. I just thought you were just doing it And I was like, okay Hold on so so there was no ending for you. No Ah, wow. I just because I didn't even know Yeah, but like mine was over in seconds. I have always I've ended. I in sex early I am not yeah, people do in sex. They start breaking a sweat. I'm like, how would you ever break a sweat, dude? I can start a tv dinner and I am done with sex

I with enough time to fucking be right by about a window. I don't have sex with people. I didn't fancy just have long sex Oh, wow I was talking issues. That was a nervous thing too. You'd fantasize you'd have sex with your bed But you wouldn't fantasize about the hardest girl is the girl that you would have sex would have known from those Oh So how old were you? I was I think maybe I want to say maybe 15 or something behind a bowling alley in our town And you could hear the pins going down inside, you know, give me power

I felt like it did anyway, you know, just hearing there, you know, like people in there just Yes, you know Here's a question for you and people started throwing rocks at us as well. Just like in the Gaza Strip Or like in the middle east And I was just doing what I could man So they started throwing rocks at you because they knew that you were having sex or yeah That were throwing the rock. Yeah, they were excited or they were trying to you know, cause mayhem or something You know or just be a part of it. I think they were jealous. It's like I can't be there with this Rockwell

And they like throw a rock over. Okay. So here's a question for you kids Can you remember the third person that you had sex with? Can't remember the second No, because I remember the second, but I don't know her name Oh, I heard Second or okay, second person you had sex with Oh, that's weird, isn't it? Yeah, that is weird, isn't it? She blacks out. Yeah Yeah, and then third is just like what could be anyone? Yeah, I haven't reached the third person yet. Yeah

They could walk up right now and I'd have no idea. Yes, please. Very pleased to meet you Oh, we've met before Oh, yeah Have you ever spoke to your first since No But I put a name I've put her name in a song Of mine and perhaps I shouldn't have done that

Because she'll be a mom. Oh, yeah, you know You're like a dr. Sorry. I think it's some I think it depends on the woman Some women don't mind if you kind of idolize moments like that or not idolize but like Put them into memoriams or whatever You know, I feel like Like Deborah I lost my virginity to Deborah She was in the vicinity. It's Deborah. There we go. Was it Deborah that was

No, no, it wasn't Deb, man. Deb was willing though. I know that Deb is always willing. Is Deborah a name in your country? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah I didn't have sex one of the first few hours, Deborah That's unbelievable, man So, um, this guy's shocking dude This guy's like a halfway house for your time. Okay. I feel like question. Have you been close to having A committed relationship with somebody. No

So never I've been in some but I've just always been like cheating or running around. I just think there's some I have some like complete agitation towards like anything I don't want to say owning me, but I think things like that feel like they own me like a relationship or anything saying This is mine. So now you're a sober person. Yeah, would you

Do the same thing would you cheat On somebody being the theo that you are now at 41 years old I think that's why for the past like I haven't gotten in a relationship in a long time, you know, and now it's been about four years, but uh Because I got to do some work in some of that space, you know, I'm trying to work in SLA right now and You just even just like little things like go two weeks without interacting with Texting anything with women, you know, just little things like that to try and like just get on your own two feet

You know, just so I'm not using interactions with women as an outlet for like uncomfort That's what I do. I get a little uncomfortable and then it's like, oh Maybe set up a date sometimes. So I want to have things be more meaningful and I'm going through my steps again right now So I've had some slips over the uh, yeah me too. Oh, right. Yeah, not over the pandemic But in general, have you come close to being with somebody that you just think is she's There was a girl I was seeing that was really great uh

And I think now when I think about it makes me feel kind of sad because I wasn't I didn't really meet her halfway You know and because then I feel bad because I kind of monopolize their time, you know, that's what I feel the worst about I think you monopolize their time out by like Know when I wasn't really ready to have a strong commitment, but letting them believe that I was, you know Uh, and how long ago was that? It was probably the last relationship I was in it's honestly been all of them really but I think it hurts more the older we get because it's like, you know, people's time is more precious to them And also, you know, you think that you're gonna have this all sorted

Uh in the near future. Yeah, and then you walk through the horizon and you're fought you want Yeah, and it's not sorted and it's still the problem that it was when you were 24 Yeah, it's a little better when I look at mark. It's almost like You know, like in uh the movie where the christians people where they go look in the window and they see the past Yeah, so that's where I was kind of So progress so there's been some progress, but it's just it's got it's a little bit of stagnation But you're right. It's like, yeah, I thought things would be different where I'm at and I'm not so you basically Have to give the booze up when it comes to sex. You basically have to do the same thing that you did with booze and drugs

But also with sex and the flirting and the and I don't know how you deal with social media because I met my wife Before instagram. I met my wife before facebook. I met my wife before tiktok and all of those things But like if I'd have been around then that would have been an extra thing that I have to To unaddict myself from yeah, that's the thing for so much Yeah, it's unreal. You think oh, I really like this girl and then just the most unbelievable girl We're like, hey, what are you up to? Yeah, I'll be driving home trying to get home and mark will send me some images somewhere. What about you know Donna's gonna beat Aaron. I'm like

You know, I just I can't I I live vicariously through. Yeah through mark. I do doing this like this one I'm like, whoa And he's like this one. Yeah It's it's it's mental. It's mental. He's mental I live vicariously through him and the cops even show up vicariously sometimes like even just in my visions But it is tough. You were saying something there. You're like, oh, you think it's going to be different soon That's funny because I always think that too. What? Yeah, we walk in through the horizon. Yeah You will find yourself in the place. Yeah. Yeah, we like oh give it a six months and then I'll be ready for

Yeah, and then it's two years later. You're like, we're still having fun. Yeah Yeah, still having fun the fun one and now especially in la the fun is all that there's always the possibility like you can You're gonna have to be the bachelor. Yeah And so even if you don't you turn them down you walk down the street thinking i'm a bachelor I got it. Yeah, somebody wants me to be a bachelor. You go home. You leave your family and you're the bachelor But it's true. It's just it's always that temptation out here. There's this weird thing and you can just You could be at the cleaners here and see like a beauty, you know, it's like

It's it's it's never ending what they called the you've got to catch them all we've got to get them all what they called the Oh pokemon pokemon. You've got to get go to get them all. Yeah, that's it And it's like I think I like a girl sometimes and I be like, oh, I should text her and I swear to god I'll just be like shit. What's her name? And I just be like Let's begin with cd And then in my head I'm like, come on. I really like this Oh, and then and then someone else attacks me and I'm like, okay, it's it's you

Yeah, that is that is a prison to find yourself in. Yeah, is it a prisoner or open field? Well, it's an open prison It's an open prison that you can you can leave at any time But it's um, you know, if you know that you are going to fall in love or fall in lost with absolutely everything at any given time It kind of you it kind of makes sense that you go. Oh, well, that's me and this is what's happening I just don't I don't do anything about it. Yeah, that's kind of where I find myself a little time

It's like or that's where I'm wondering if that's where I'm at Like yeah, because I just don't you think things will be different like you're saying in a few years I'll get there something and then you get there and you're like, oh And I don't need I'm not a big run around or anything even I just noticed that I give into like little things of of affection attention Just little things like that that I don't want to can I just don't want the same thing I want to see if there's a different possibility You know because even it just like, you know flirting with the girl or

I'll feel uncomfortable. I feel like I had a bad I'll set up a date. You know, let me go on a date. That'll help, you know, like Um, so I just want to but I'm not I find myself in spaces where I'm not making myself really available, you know If that makes sense because I'm just my The reasons I'm doing stuff aren't motivated always from a place of like Maybe this is what's or from love or anything like that. They're just kind of motivated from a place of like, um Um

What feels kind of comfortable what would be fun, you know, it's sometimes it's just fun My miss is when I'd retired Because that thing's got really sort of was it dicey out there for you mentally just completely ill and just like well It's my career that's doing this. So I might as well not do my career Yeah, we're retired for miles from the famous from the singing. No, no, no from the singing All right. Yeah, yeah from the singing. So like I was really I was retired and then I met my mrs And we just had had three years with her of not going out. Oh really? Yeah, so we were just at the house and it just cemented this thing and then

I realized that I need purpose and I'm ambitious and I need to go out do things So I on retired and went out into the world But now I'd cemented this relationship with this person and I went back out into the world and I was like, oh I I can't do the things that I used to do So how do you you you you clue in quite quickly? Really? It's like, okay. So I I'm not flirting right I'm not going to the club. Yeah. I'm not going to the pub um And I have to on I have to on everything that I used to on

and I I did it Fucking did it and if I can do it anybody well, not you but if I but if I can do it anybody can do it No, I like you and I appreciate you kind of sharing some of that man because yeah I think that's just kind of where I'm finding myself, you know, and I'm not And part of me I'm kind of excited about I had like five days where I didn't have any interaction with anyone And I was doing real good And I started to feel like a good relationship with my higher power

I was like really like oh man. I had a little bit more time I was looking at my place like oh, maybe I'd like uh do a art or something, you know, like or get a candle or something Because like everything in my house is the previous owners. It's like it's all like their stuff, you know Like there's pictures of Eric family in the bathroom. It's just I guess don't don't you also think that When I get a missus she'll do all of that stuff. Yeah, yeah Yeah, but I don't want to just hurry a missus in just to get, you know, a love 41 you're hurrying nothing Yeah

Oh, yeah, that's true Women complain about that about guys in LA. They'll be like I'm not ready to settle down and there's 57 See, I don't want to be that guy. Yeah, I want to get some I want to at least get in a place now where I could at least try I think to have a relationship Also, I'm getting big vibes that you'd be an ace dad. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah No, I'm getting like big vibes that you'd be an awesome daddy Oh, thanks. Yeah, I want to tell you about a company that I've been using for our web presence They're a beautiful company beautiful little outfit

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Then you save the money on the loan bing bong Yeah, I could think I could be a good dad, dude You know, I think Some of it would be a little dicey, bro, you know, but you must have taught that if there's kids at your house. I'd be a good dad No, no that it would be dicey as fuck what for him to be a dad for you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, absolutely. I like I'm an I'm an agrophobic That can't look after himself. I'm depressed And I'm full of anxiety

What have I got to offer? Yeah Yeah, that's that's you know, it's like I wasn't going to get married and I wasn't going to have kids just because of The nothingness that I had to offer the world Where those points exist And now I've got four kids and it's true. I have nothing to offer But your kids you could put them in another wing of the house man, you could put a kid in a room until he's six You know, I I still I still feel that way about the kids, you know, it's like I I'm I I'm like

Sporadic dad. Yeah, I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm watching the football and doing art and writing songs and I'm in like, you know, I am I am sporadic also You know, that was another thing about kids is that if I'm agrophobic if I have children it will mean that I have to leave the house The kids will smoke me out of house. Did it work? Not really, you know They put it like I feel everyone doesn't think they can be a dad and then it just happens

Do you think but that's bad that when it happens that way? I think it's not really the best way, you know, yeah, like, um Yeah, mark is unbelievable. I can't even believe I'm sitting here with him, but um Sorry, sorry This guy's just one of a kind man. That's really nobody like this guy before you're like you were saying something You're describing a bad guy and then you're like, you're that guy And I was like, no, no, no, take that back and you're like, no, no, I was describing him to say you're that guy I was like, no, but I do think it is like, oh, I might be that guy now over three years Do you think you could ever get to a place where you could? Oh, yeah, I think it's really yeah, but

I think no, Rob has made me realize. Oh, think away Yeah, then you die Yeah, yeah, because like you're you're not there Yeah, you're like wrongs away from that Yeah, this ain't even a great spot You better get over here pretty quick But then marks the guy you go to if you want to know what's going on. What's fun, you know He like is always kind of keen to like what's what's good out there, you know

Yeah, yeah, do they have like a lot of uh, I feel like in England and in the uk That's all to you guys, right? That they have more superstition than they do over in america. Oh, yeah, I think so. Is that true you think? Well, I I think anxiety in ireland just comes from your mom She'd be like, don't don't touch chicken ever you get salmonella you'll die Yeah, and every time now I'm near a chicken. I'm like I hear my mom's voice or like prayers catalyzed them Yeah, what we are. Yeah, catalogs. We're like laps catalogs catalogs. It's insane though

Because you'd be like, don't do that. Don't do that Christian. Don't do that. Don't do that. You're like, what the fuck should I do? That's where my sweating comes in. Oh, you're sweating always It's weird too. Like in ireland if I told my friends I went on a date with a girl. They'd be like, that's gay Yeah, oh, yeah, and people die in ireland all the time from coffin and everything, huh? You always see that in the movies People dying from like you're watching movies from the 1800s. Yeah Whatever man, I got yeah, that's exactly that's exactly that slow cable. Make yeah, we got some What's that movie with tom cruise far and away? He thinks it's modern day ireland

I just see a lot of people coughing and not doing well Oh, he's still dealing with the spanish flu He thinks people in ireland are coughing and not getting any blood on it Have you left america much? Yeah, yeah, we did this we did some shows in uh in the uk last year two years ago. How did they go? They did well We did um Manchester, london Glasgow

He thinks Glasgow is ireland Shout out Glasgow Yeah, and uh Somewhere else brother Stockholm somewhere else Stockholm sweden Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it was fun, man. I really liked it. It was I think during I don't know if it was winter or if it was like at the beginning of the pan

I don't know what was going on, but it was kind of a quiet time, but Durban, what was it? What was this Durban? Durban's like South Africa I don't know where he went This is but yeah, this is a different time So what what was this is the um the uh superstitions superstitions, yeah Oh, well like I in ireland. Here's the dumb one touch water, right? Touch wood and then I saw a guy after a soccer game one time and he was like this

Yeah, that's OCD though. Yeah, nobody he goes why is that you're like i'm blessed i'm saying Hail Mary full of grace Or a father and I was like that's so dumb the next time with a big exam. I swear I was like this Hail Mary But that's that's OCD But y'all got more ghosts y'all got more older stuff over there I'm saying because of time and everything you guys have a lot more ghosts over there. No. Oh, yeah You are closer to the woo-woo in los angeles than you are in england

Um, it is so more paranormal and weird and ufo. Yeah, we actually got a got a question I forgot about this that came in right here Hey, Theo. My name's Gabby. I'm from New Zealand Big fan of yours Actually managed to catch a show of yours like in 2017 at the comedy store Really really randomly when I was in LA for a week just on holidays. So I was really really stoked Uh to catch that. Um, also a big fan of robby williams as well I do have a question for him

Um, I saw him on the skinwalker ranch documentary Um, I was quite surprised to see him there and I just wondered what sort of interests he had in You know paranormal experiences or if he's had any alien experiences, you know anything in that kind of realm I would just be really interested to find out dark arts, baby. It's called the space spirit Yeah, I've had you've been involved with it. I've had loads of experiences and more that's obviously from the uk No, I just that's what I find hard to believe robby is a listen. I've got a thousand-year-old home In england, right? It used to be a manor. Yeah, it used to be one of henry the eighths wives houses Catherine park and

I feel closer to the weird here in los angeles than I do back home Something like a transmit lost angels los angeles as a transmitter that turns on when I'm here that I'm Things haven't happened since the kids have been around but do you want me to tell you my ufo stories? Yeah, if you got something If you came to it, do you know it? Probably so I am you need to get abducted So So I am sat on a sun lounger with a girl beside me So it's over 17 years ago because of the wife. They're gonna say over 17 years old because she was over 17 years old

We've had some issues in our industry and I'm looking we're both looking up at the sky and all of a sudden I would say the size of Of quarter of a football field your football field Square map black just Silently came in completely sober

Silently came in and there was yellow underneath it and It sort of had like this r-tex r-texing feel um With map black underneath it came in silently And then silently left and I could have hit it with the tennis ball. No, really? Yeah Jesus and you saw it Absolutely positively Did you feel like then that you got to see something like that because you were famous?

Did that ever cross your mind like is there a reason why I get to see this? Is it like is the other side trying to communicate with me? Well, yeah, there is because of narcissism. Yes. There is There is there is that but yeah, but there's there's so many thoughts. That's one of them um, but I also thought Oh, that's ours. I didn't think it was aliens from a different planet. Oh, that's huge. I Inside me just went There's some exotic technology that we're not supposed to have that we do have

But it's ours. I didn't feel as though it was little green men from outer space And that was in the uk No, it was here. Oh, the other one is I wrote this song about alien abduction called arizona It's not one of my best songs. It's a b side But I'm sort of like listening to it in the studio and smoking a cigarette overlooking the san Fernando valley And um, you whittle you whittle at lyrics to get them right as best as possible and

Arizona comes on and this gold ball appears in the sky over the san Fernando valley and I'm like Nice try venus. I know that's venus. You're not gonna fool me. I'm not gonna be like one of those UFO people And then I thought it was venus during the day. Oh, yeah, arizona the song ends The gold ball blinks out and I'm like interesting Put the song on again. So they put the song on again and the gold ball comes back The song's about alien abduction and I'm like now you've got my attention Song ends and the gold ball

Beeps out again I'm like, wow, that's a happy coincidence So I said to the lads I said lads come out and look at this put the song on and look over there Song goes on ball comes on song ends ball goes out wife arrives babe. This things happen. Come see this look over there Song on boom gold ball The song ends gold ball comes out six times. It happens After the sixth time me the wife and my two friends go back into the bedroom where the uh, the studio is and we go Fuck what's that? And as we say that

A black strip comes through the door about 20 feet away. No black strip like this Elongates through the middle of us Elongates through the middle of us goes to the window and then follows itself out like that Oh, what? Yeah, Jesus. What the Yeah, listen, I've got loads and loads and loads of them. No, that's too many already, man. Yeah Yeah, I've got loads of them Wow. Yeah, so there's

Did you feel like if okay, so that instance did you feel like that was like a Human like a person if like that was related to any territory or I I if I was guessing what I think that might be or might not be Is interdimensional. Yeah or Maybe we're trying out or a you know or a figment of all our imaginations. Everything's on the table Nothing's off the table could be duct tape between different realms or something Maybe you don't know some of the things that are holding together. It was exactly like, you know duct tape

Yeah, it came through the room and then went and followed itself out of the window Damn, yeah, I could see something like that in the few 200 years from now. You order duct tape into the room And it shows up, you know, do you know what skinwalker ranch is? Okay, we're google skinwalker ranch and check that that's what the nice lady was talking about. I'm on a documentary about this ranch in Utah, I think it is where things happen

Really? Damn, it's a dark artist. It's post Malone. It's skinwalker ranch Who's some of my favorite british people? James Blake? Yeah, yeah Is that just Just a just that's just a random James Blake's a nice english person Yeah, I love him. Who else do I

Think he's great Oh, I know who darin till who's that darin till fighter Was he a fighter? Yeah, big fan of his I don't know that many others actually The Beatles you yeah, the Beatles, but I'm not that big on them. You too. Uh, you too is okay. Yeah, you too is okay rolling stones Yeah, rolling stones rolling stones Who else black coffee in bed? Have you heard that song?

No, this feels like an alien experience What else I'm trying to think of things that are british because we didn't have a lot of We're growing up with they didn't even have a lot of like I remember the map in our town canada They even didn't say canada on it said like it had a picture of a wolf attacking a boy in a coat And that was the whole thing for canada, you know If we if we had a map here, could you could you point to england? Do you think no? I know I couldn't point to you. I can point to the area that it's in though Yeah, could you point to hawaii? Yep. Could you point to montana?

Nope See, I could point to montana. Could you point to florida? Yes Where you from florida's easy because i'm from louisiana. Okay, so florida was like our main Florida was like the main place you even went like if you saw somebody I remember when I was a kid if you saw Somebody their shirts have florida on it. You were like, damn Those people are traveling. What about what about road island? Could you no I could find that? I could find that. I could. It's the clitoris of america Isn't it the smallest state? Yeah, it's like you're welcome. It could

Well, it'll get taken over soon. I'm sure it'll get taken over soon. Um What else do we have? Let's get another good question that came in here for the gents, eh? Oh W First of all, I hope you's are doing well Secondly, I am right now stuck in quarantine for two weeks because australia does that to you. I'm at our willow land Yes, they are you got to come to a flip off this ramp back here. So do you robbie actually my mom would be stoked but my question is

when do you think the world is going to be back to normal and Do you think it is and if yes, how long do you think it's going to take? Love you so gang gang. I love him. I love him Yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm big fan. People love him. He's yeah, he's easy to love. He is he's a dude I mean, I've never met him, but you can just tell that he's the nicest person They have a great look. He came on here. He was on here once So was chris hanson who you mentioned earlier was on here. I guess we've had an interesting group

Mark We've been we've done it all So the question is when do we think this is going to be over? Are you shocked at how much like because we've already given two years of our life to this thing? Has it been two? It's fun. It's been a long time man. Imagine people. This is shit that breaks mark when you think of people that was like You know trying to maybe women that was hoping to have a child and looking to meet someone and they don't have that chance now because of I'm not saying it's not a deadly disease, but it's not this deadly man That's my thoughts on I mean, I was probably shouldn't have brought that into it

But when do you guys think it'll be over? That's more that's a better I think I think Every summer we're going to think it's over and then every winter it's going to come back And I every time that I've had a guess at when this is going to be over I've been completely wrong. So when this started it was like end of january february Nearly two years ago, and I was like this is going to be over by June And now we are two Christmases nearly into it and it's still going strong It's it's terrifying. You know, it's it's terrifying for many many reasons But like selfishly and personally I haven't been able to gig. I haven't been able to do a tour. Oh, yeah, you know and

I you know, I'm hopefully going to go on tour Or end the next year, but then you see how the end of this year has gone. Am I going to be able to do that? Uh, am I going to be able to look after my four kids? Uh, keep them in the lifestyle that they're accustomed to who knows my spy descents Which was so wrong last time Mine say we've got this for five years Really? I thought another year maybe but as you said I forgot about yeah, I forgot about like summer seems okay

And then winter is like oh, it's a new strain. Yeah But in some parts of the country, it's not you can go to different parts of america and they're not even Acknowledging. Yeah, really? And they're not the hospitals aren't filled. So it's it's definitely interesting how different parts. It's more of a it's more Catered to you know, it's more or it's more there's more preventative measures. I think well, there is you know There is a topic that it would do us all a great favor if we didn't discuss what we really thought. Yeah Okay, we'll do that My love life or I'm like, ah

I'll fix it soon That's summer of sex And then the winter of discontent. Yeah, just staring at the wall. Where are you on the whole you know sort of Because you've walked through the horizon You're past 30 now. You've done a bit of time on the planet. Yeah, where are you with the uh, is is it just like a An oblique concept that's out here somewhere The commitment the settling down or is it in the forethought forethought of your mind? It's in when I'm hungover So it's something to feel depressed and anxious about. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, that would be nice

It's kind of like the sun when you need love. Yeah When you need tenderness and then when the serotonin comes back. I'm like, oh, I'm having a great time. Okay. Yeah Here's the thing. Do you need to be in a relationship? Do you need to have commitment? Do you need? I don't think so at the moment But like your moment you think you're still you're still looking out of these eyes that still think they're 19-20-21 Yeah, yeah, but they're not. Yeah, I don't think so at the moment. Yeah, it's like you're gonna be having a free bus pass Pretty soon. Yeah, do you know what I mean? And you know, I just don't think so at the moment Like I'm in a very happy committed relationship and my life is so much better because of it Because of it. I don't want to go anywhere. I'll be with anybody other than my wife that aside

Do you need to be in a relationship? Yeah, maybe you don't need to you. I don't think you need to man. You're doing well Do you need to ladies like do you need to? I don't know man. I have I always have a problem. I just always think something's wrong You know, I have a lot of whatever that is like, oh I'm always like there's always some emotional deficit going on, you know, the dis ease. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, I have a constant discomfort Yeah, I have a constant. I have a constant discomfort. Do you not have a constant discomfort because you booze and you sort of south Let it go. Yeah. Yeah, cuz like I I'll have I'm

Yeah, yeah, like I've got anxiety now. Let me ask you this right you don't have a drink for four weeks Hmm. What's your mental state like at four weeks time? Oh, I'm not I'm just a bit bored But I also have pain in my lower back. Okay. I quit because you're drinking for pain, huh? Oh, you're an american in the stress You're in a union up. I remember I stopped like for four weeks a couple years ago So for october or something and I was like, I couldn't lie down That's your liver, bub. No, the pain in my back just was like not because your back feel round and it's kind of down over here by the bottom It was there. Is it here? Yeah. Is it there? Yeah, that's your liver. That's your liver, man. No, no, no

This is after four weeks. You think you have a soft brown back? Yeah, because it's it's in because it's in constantly inflamed And then you don't you don't drink so you got nothing to nom it This is a subject. We're better off now So it's not bad. No, it is. Yeah. It's in the bone. Oh, no, no. It was like in here. You're gonna pass a stone one day That's liver. All right, so but when I was walking you're gonna crack rock, dude. You're gonna pass a stone to it Walk into by booze. Yeah, it disappears speaking of the rolling stones

You're gonna roll a couple out of your wane or one day from all of that drink specials building up in him Is that Bro mark would be the best thing Mark would be like at the bar, you know with it in some of the high tables He'd put his computer on the table at like a nightclub Get his computer out there to sit a nightclub get his ear ear things and pretend he was a dj dude So all the drunk chicks would come up and talk to him. We'd be like, yeah, I'll play it in a second He's fucking emailing people. Nice little tip. Are you are you writing?

Yeah, you'd be creative What what what's your outlet apart from out? Do you have any time outside of podcasting and comedy? Outside of podcasting and comedy. What are your creative outlets or your outlets at all? It probably has been kind of I think socializing has been one. So that's what something I do want to cut back on which includes like dating erroneously Um, how do you do with socializing? I do okay. I think Fortunately with stand-up it builds a lot of that is built into it. So it's like you almost

I count kind of sometimes stand up as my socializing because you're at the club Do you feel okay? So you feel like your tribe is comedians? So you you feel comfortable within that tribe of people? I think so most of the time outside of that tribe of people. How are you socially? I like spending time within the recovery room the recovery group talking with people like that. Yeah, I love that kind of stuff Um, but I need more time for myself. I got to do some things for myself I'll do everything. It's just been work. So I think part of me is just real tired You are checking yourself into a men's recovery place

To give yourself some space So, you know, are you is that like rehab or is that like no a meditation place? I don't know XM. I'm talking like five or six of them right now. I'm just trying to decide, you know Investigating and how long will you spend there? I think I'll probably just do two weeks. Okay. And what do you hope to get from it? Um, I would just want to think I want to build a hot relationship with my higher power I want to have I want to go over like some intimacy issue kind of stuff And what else dude? Did you have a relationship with a higher power when you're growing up? No No

And what what what is your higher power? Just god. Just god. Yeah A god of your understanding or a religious god a christian god Yeah, I kind of attach it to a christian god because that's what's most familiar for me But I'm just I think of god. I just believe in god. Have you had your atheist moment? Uh, I think I did when I was younger. I didn't think that god existed all this kind of anger But I don't think I had that anymore. I want there to be a god. I want there to be something that's That cares about me. You know, do you pray? Do you pray in the morning and at night? Yeah And you've started to do that since you were in recovery. Yeah

Mark? No. Mark, you need it. You need it. I'll throw a fire off of you for you, man But I almost I was telling Rob earlier. I almost there was a girl Recently I was chatting to willow way back and she was very much into the bible and religion And I caught myself a lot. Well, like I thought I was like, oh, yeah, I'd love to read the bible too Oh, yeah Not lying in the moment, but afterwards I was like, what am I doing? I can't read. What are you doing? She was like, do you want to go to mass? I'm like, I just one of my favorite things to do I vomited on a woman once on accident

And then met her at church in the morning. She's like, you're not gonna meet me. I was like, I'll meet you and I'll show up Just Ah, it's just so red just So what was your drug of choice? I think just Feelings my own feelings is my biggest drug. Just thinking of just Just my brain is just my thoughts and my feelings. I've never really struggled that much with addiction with like substances You know, I think I relate a lot more with like

Slaa type stuff and those type of things. How do you sleep? I don't sleep that great What do you think that is you think we're also just getting to be an age where we don't sleep Well, you think it's kind of like a well, I a new thing for me like 47 is like P in five times in the night No, worse. You can't drink any water after about maybe 7 p.m. Really because it just keeps coming out of you Really? That's why I see old people that are traveling around pee in different places. They're like dogs. Yeah Like it's just started to happen. Oh, where I you know, like normally I would close my eyes

And when I did fall off to sleep, I would stay asleep. Yeah but now But now I I I go to sleep and then I wake up five times Is that I really have Jesus and that's happened in the last 12 months Well, there's machines talking in the distance too while we're laying there. It's getting fucking pretty weird, you know That information is traveling through the air into your phones and computers and printers and Satellites and all did you have you been addicted to ambient at any point? No never I would do it. What's that again? It's uh, it's a night time, baby. Oh really? Yeah. Were you? Oh, yeah

Were you really? Was it good? What'd you do? What would you do want it on? sleep eat Oh, yeah, so I would get up and have a pie. Hey, so I would sleep eat. Yeah Although it's one time we were in island and I was doing a show and they bought They bought 32 euro. So like 32 dollars worth of chocolate Oh, that's a lot, right? Yeah, and because of ambient I at 32 worth of chocolate a sleep

What? Completely asleep. I don't know. It's like a Japanese game show. Yeah Yeah, you could do that. Yeah, that's unbelievable and did that cause you to shut it down? You're like, I'm gonna roll the dice again. See what else I can eat. No by that time. I'm in on I'm addicted So I need it to go to sleep. I'm also on tour and if I don't sleep and I'm on tour then I'm gonna I'm gonna just not perform the way that I performed in the last gigs and oh my god And I'm tired anyway, so if I so all the way through that tour. I was sort of like Live in like a monk

Food wise During the day sort of my body as a temple But then at night I'd be taking these ambient and then I would be eating the minibar. No way Yeah, I'd be eating the minibar. Do you actually you don't remember any of it? You don't remember any of it But also another one was sort of like my security on tour They they they'd have the ambient and I'd be like can I have them in so they give me the ambient right? And then I'd go next door And then I'd have my ambient and I'd fall asleep on the ambient and then then I would get up

Yeah, completely naked. Yeah go through to security room and have a conversation with them As lucidly as this Completely naked and asleep and asleep. That's beautiful. And then I'd wake up the next morning I'll wake up the next morning and I'd go I'd say I didn't do it. Did I? And then this luke on their eyes would just be like Yeah It almost be tough to get off Yeah, it was yeah. Yeah

Geez because like like you said if you need to sleep that much and then you can't sleep you're like just give me the fucking pill Oh, that's the worst. Yeah, especially if you're on tour like if you get stressed out like I got it if I don't get my sleep I'm not I'm Dude, dude, I've been in positions where I play Wembley Stadium. Wow I'm awake At 12 o'clock the next morning And I've got to play Wembley Stadium again in eight hours time and I haven't been asleep And there's no there's no drugs. I'm completely and utterly sober. It's just my mind is go because

You're in front of 80,000 people. Oh, yeah And you've just shared this mass experience with them where you just like you create your own drug inside of you So you're you're creating dopamine adrenaline serotonin, but like this crazy amount because it's 80,000 people looking at you and then You go back to the room and you're sort of like Yeah, but then you've got to go do it again

And that's why that's why touring crushes me. It's like do you enjoy touring? No, I don't at all. Do you enjoy the gigs that feel spiritual and otherworldly? Oh my god, I couldn't even tell you what they're like. They're They're on fucking believe. Well, you know that moment where you're in the pocket. You're in the pocket and you can't miss And everything that you do and you just free float. Yes. That is absolutely otherworldly and incredible How often does that happen on tour? Not very often. Why? Because I've had three hours sleeping the last week And I've you've then got to do the thing you you know, you're you're performers You've then got to go and do the thing again, which is why that, you know, I've got the addicted to ambient

thing that I did Last few weeks. Have you tried magnesium to sleep? Yeah, I haven't taken magnesium and I said helps if I remember to take it Yes, so how many milligrams are you taking? Two pills two white pills of it 100 200 milligrams I don't know So I feel I feel I think I feel it. Oh, yeah. So did you take it last night? Yeah, yeah, so I think the magnesium has been giving me anxiety that Oh, really?

Yeah, so I've been taking magnesium a lot over the last couple of weeks. I've noticed that I'm grumpy with the misses Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Yeah, I'm sleeping. Well, there you go. And you can't have it all Yeah, but so I've noticed the anxiety too. So I've knocked the magnesium on the head last couple of days and the anxiety is gone I don't know. Oh, really? So It's a dirty van. It's a fucking dirty Experiment always going on inside of us. It feels like it's a real time to go to sleep. What time should wake up? How much sleep probably about 11 30 woke up at three in a fit of anger for about 40 minutes and then we're back to sleep

Fit of anger in the middle of nothing. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll figure it out Yeah, yeah I've never heard So you wake up in a fit of anger about not being able to sleep. I'll wake up. No, my brain starts thinking about something Then I'll start doing something online and then I'm angry Because I don't have a lot of time during the day sometimes so it's like oh, fuck. I got a little bit of time I'm And then I'm too angry then I need to go back to sleep. So I'll probably get into a nap today

So what is your nap is good when you drool you ever had that? Yeah When your face just kind of orgasms. Okay, but like daytime sleep Daytime sleep when you wake up from it. Do you need sugar? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, I do. I haven't noticed that yeah daytime sleep if I wake up I need Chocolate or I need you'd like the Gragas. Yeah, it's unreal But you're freaking eating chocolate in your damn sleep, bro. I'm not any more. I've knocked it on the head I've knocked chocolate on the head cake on the head. Oh, you can't do a wave of cake man

I'll get married. Just have some damn cake boy. I love cake. Which is your favorite cake? Um, I kind of like uh, let me think I like a um coconut cake What about red velvet because I didn't know red velvet existed until I came to America. It was just like, uh, oh And have you had this cake celebration cake? Uh-oh, and it's like got rainbow colors in it and like skittles in the middle of whatever it is. Oh, it's a real thing Yeah I'm not it. Yeah, I don't have uh, it pisses people off that I have no inclination to ease

You don't eat. There's another thing that nobody touches on is you not eating You know, I eat So you're like an anorexic alcoholic. No, yeah, brother. You're sick You're sick. Yeah lay down here. We'll take your temperature. It needs help I eat like healthy, but like I won't eat it. If you put fries here, I'd be like, I'm grand Like women would get upset if I went to dinner once in the blue moon. They're like, just try this I'd be like, I'm okay. I'm okay. Now. I just say I've gluten I'm lactose and they're like, oh, I'm sorry

Dude in 20 years, we're just gonna be having smoothies. Nobody's gonna eat anymore I had uh, the kids gave me a bug and I lost seven pounds in a week, but it's awesome Yeah, it's amazing, but I've used it as the great reset Dietary wise. Oh, you actually you I thought you were gonna eat more cake No, no, no, no, no because I wasn't cake in it and I wasn't chocolate in it. How did you kick them because? Uh, well, but what I was doing, which was lying to myself with keto bars. Yeah. Have you seen these keto bars? Keto bars and protein balls So you've seen these like bounce balls and da-da-da and all of these sort of things

Basically, they should just be like calorie balls and calorie bars So I was like, I was not having the chocolate or the cake, but I was nailing these things So now what I've done with this great reset is I've got rid of those And every time I want one of those I go for a banana or I go for an apple and it's nowhere near as far But you can't be old and fat You could be old, but you can't be fat. So I'm just trying my best not be fat. Have you ever been fat? I was maybe fat when I was a little bit when I was young like in the spring But not as an adult. Have you been I would do it. Yeah when I was young

I remember my nana called me fat. I was on tv singing like an aquire Oh, and I had a close-up and thing and I came home. I thought I was like in a boy band And then my nana was like, I saw you on tv. You look very fat in the face Wow. Yeah, and that messed me up. Yeah, you want to hear a weird story after she passed away I couldn't take photos because I'd always be like this Yeah, yeah, yeah After she passed away the first photo I took I was just like Oh nanas did but it's so mean because like I loved her

But I was like, well, I can smile again. She died during a pandemic. Hey Yeah, I actually thought she died like a year before I remember you told me that. Yeah, she was in like hospice And then I was like asking my parents every day. Isn't that how's now that she alive? They're like, yeah, she's she's hanging on and I asked like four or five days in a row And I was like this is getting morbid like I don't want to keep bringing it off I want to be like so anyway, it's sunny here So I started asking

Was your nan your example of love when you were growing up? Was she just like a wonderful person? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she was But she'd feed me cake and yeah, oh, yeah, but she would call me fast treat you warmly now Yeah, but she said fat in a loving way I didn't feel like it. No, no, and it would never would Oh, I didn't know I did it. My brother saw me fixing my hair Hang on so your grandma passed away just recently. Certainly. It's only just recently that you've allowed yourself to smile with a fuller face Yeah, yeah in photo. Yeah. Yeah, just like just like out and about now in Los Angeles. You're like, she's dead Like if someone takes a photo I won't go

Yeah, you know what you make that dumb if they're like, hey, make the nan is a live face. Yeah, I feel like no I do I do that a lot I go like Oh Really there's another thing that okay, so side view so this here Okay, so if you put your tongue on the on your Oh, that's clever. Oh, it makes your chin pop out something Yeah, but you haven't you why have you got the why have you why why'd you do that because you've got a chin Oh, yeah, I just like having a little bit of hair on there. It reminds me of like insecurity

Oh What are you gonna do and you keep in the month? I think you it's warm you rock the mullet. So But you've had it forever, right? I've had it when I was a child I had it and then I didn't have it when I moved out here for a while and then uh I just like my hair long. It doesn't feel for me. It's not like a gimmicky type of thing. Some people get like A gimmicky type of hair cut that you know for some purpose. I just feel most comfortable in it Is it oh, man Did you ever go through it? Did you go through it? No, I'm losing my hair. Oh, he's doing fine

No, I'm doing all right But then if you if it shines on the top of it it becomes like babies bomb So I went to go and have a fetch. I went to go and have the I've had that. Oh, did you do it? Yeah, I went to have it done and the guy was like bad news because they harvest it from here, right? Yeah So bad news, um, your hair is so thin Uh, we can't harvest it from there or do nothing. So I was like I'm gonna have a second opinion second opinion was Your hair is that thin we can't harvest it from there It will do it will do damage thank god

You came see us because other people would have harvested it and fucked it up So what I did was I had these injections and I won't tell you how much they were but they were absolute Like a fortune two and two vials of this stuff where they numb your head And then they do this they put these vials in and in five months time Your hair will grow back much thicker and it costs the same price as my grandma's house Right. Yeah, nothing nothing's happened. We're now seven months in and nothing's happened You you can't you you can't you can't tell But like when I'm on stage and there's a 40 foot

Screen of me at the back and I'm giving it the big end and I'm you could do in the sexy like that And they're going yeah, and then I look behind me and this guy would like double chin And no hair Thank you for humoring me Do you think it's hard to That's one thing it's interesting about like the way we capture ourselves now and especially like at your level of fame and popularity that you've had Robbie that is it hard to live up to try and always live up to that like live up to like You know because you're captured at such a young vibrant time in your life

That you got to like fuck, you know, well, I was I was My nickname in the press was blobby Robbie through the 90s, which really damaged me Kind of thicker. Yeah, not like I I have a tendency to That's gone, huh? Yeah, and then and then go down again, but like damn scone, but it's sort of It damaged me and it's something, you know, it's like I don't want to look in the mirror I don't want to look at myself If I'm doing a photo shoot and they'll say do you want to come and check this out? See how you look? I'm like, no, thanks

If I'm shooting a video they're like that was a great take. Do you want to come and look? No, thanks So I just don't like looking at myself, which is another one of those things when you're people going I can have my picture taken with you. It's basically going Hey, um, you know all those things that you hate about yourself Now is the time to hate yourself about them. Yeah. I was Like your rock dj video where you're stripping naked. It's like ripped and stuff If I had like a really good video like that and then saw a bad picture I just self hatred would be well. I'm bodied dysmorphic, too

Yeah, because so like being being like obese and being bodied dysmorphic Like the first time that I was told I was bodied dysmorphic Therapist and what does it mean body dysmorphic? You can't read that good or you can not read That's our not read. You can't like no, you think you're fatter than you are. Oh, yeah So it was like a compliment though when the therapist told me it's like your body dysmorphic. I was like, thank you Thank you It was like when you're bodied dysmorphic and obese. Oh, oh That's awful because not only are you fat, but when you look at yourself, you're fatter than

Oh, you're actually down. Yes. Jesus. Yes Oh, but then you know that you know, you know that you know that one where you just like, oh, I look awful And then 18 months later you look at that photo. Yeah, I was in good shape. Oh, that's so That's good. That's bodied dysmorphic Oh, because I look when I look at younger pictures of myself I'm like, god, you were a handsome guy if I if I only thought then that I was handsome It would have been such a different fuck instead of every day thinking I was horrible looking You're a striking looking guy. You're a good looking guy. Yeah, like it saw you in the

So you I'm happily married. So you in the And I'm pretty happy pretty happily straight So you in the car park and it's like, yeah, I think I was a good looking lad Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, I think like you you waste your 20s thinking you're ugly Yeah, you spend the whole time like being like fuck. I remember I remember I'll see a photo and I'll be like I remember being so uncomfortable that night thinking I look like shit. I look bad And now I see how I'm like, oh, fuck. I was Dapper. Well, let's put it. Why do we do it? Okay. It's the thing, right? I'm in an owl everything large everything

I know I'm an M I know I'm an M. I haven't been in an M for a long long time. Like I haven't been an M for 15 years 17 years since I met the wife and became happy Really? Yeah, I haven't been an M anything and the this is that what happens with me and weight is like I get Overweight and then I do something extreme to get underweight and then I get to underweight But I'm really unhappy because I'm not satiated and my body's going feed me Feed me feed me feed me feed me and I'm like I look wicked and close for that two seconds

Two seconds that that happens the minute you stop being abusive to yourself by You know not giving yourself nutrients and food you instant. So I'm like yo-yo in all the time. I can see that yo-yo in Yeah, because yeah, I mean yo-yo, but you're watching the yo-yo go. So it's like you're like Judging yourself at every different every every fluctuation of it like it's hard being alive. It's fucking tricky life is fun As we all get depressed it sounded forced, but What who has that joke it's so good no norm McDonald's tell a joke people are like people are I was like man I can't believe it's so and so killed themselves and he's like you can't

Haven't you ever been alive? By the way, we're norm passed away. I just spent Every waking hour listening to old interviews listening to stand-up sets Just like I there's a there's a channel on youtube, right? It's like not normal or whatever um, but He's just the best. Yeah, he's great. Absolutely He's just unique. He's very his British sense of humor kind of you think that it catered to I feel like British people would love it Yeah, sort of outside

Uh, is it British? Yeah, because it's so dry. Yeah, dry. Yeah, maybe that's the aspect of it Jimmy Dora really like list listening. He just had a oh, uh, no who am I thinking of? Um, who's a British community just had a special come out on netflix Jimmy car Jimmy car. Yeah, yeah And jimmy dora like but jimmy car is a really nice guy. You guys look a little bit alike. Yeah, jimmy Yeah, he's a he's a mate of mine. We do look a bit alike a little bit. Yeah, I think we go to the same plastics Give me the jimmy. Give me the ruby the full jimmy. Yeah, let's go one more question Then we'll get you guys out here man. I appreciate your time today What else we got here co?

What's up boys I have a question for robbie if you don't mind Robby some of your biggest gigs Arguably have been in austria down under. Yeah, I've seen one in melbourne. It was massive Unbelievable we went with my mom and dad absolutely massive What do you love about austria robbie? Theo, I know you've been to austria as well. Oh, yeah, anything you love as well, mate Gang gang boys from melbourne austria gang

Gang no gang gang. So here's a bit of anxiety, right? So I was watching I'm a fan of yours and I've watched podcasts and I was dipping to your world to see what you're up to and uh There was the nix swanson nix. That's his name. Oh, yeah Here's the the podcast that you did with him and then there was the questions at the end and I was like No one likes me. Who's gonna ask me? Oh, you thought let's go to a question. There's none there. Yeah. Yeah, let's go to a question It's just gonna be somebody abusing me Yeah, what an asshole Why have you got him on? I didn't even know where he was going with that question either. Yeah, we had a bunch

Do you know what I absolutely I is a question for you. It is my answer. My answer is if you could be born a different nationality What you have to you have to choose one mine would be australian I would choose to be an australian because I just absolutely love Aussies. I absolutely adore australia. It's like If I'd have come from australia, I probably have a different relationship with it like in australia in in england And I'm not allowed to be me. I'm not allowed, you know, tall poppy syndrome Kill their own. Let's see, you know build them up and then kill them and then keep killing them until they're dead 70 times But in australia, they just allow me to be me and my sense of humor and they don't misquote me and the you know

And it's like australia is like england, but without the shit Oh, and I just adore being there because I just feel as if I can exhale, you know, it's like I feel as if I can let the stomachs just go So my answer to the question that I posed if you could be born again and have to choose a different nationality Who would it be australia? Wow Australia I'd go maybe I love australia too, man I love what I love about it is just like the energy over there people are excited People are willing to risk their lives every day for nothing, you know, yeah, they'll die for nothing dog. You know what I'm saying? It's like, yeah, that's just fucking it's just a bunch of human red bull cans, you know, they're just willing to do whatever

Nothing's off limits there. They just and they're just real like loving and fucking outgoing. They'll fucking love you so much They'll fucking kill you. Yeah, they're just really really fired up. I know jump off of something and die, you know Just to give you a note, you know So they're just yeah, I love australia, man. I would probably go I would go australian I'd even maybe go dark australian. Maybe like a little mix. Maybe white abo or something go like grilled australian You know just to have a little bit of that darker ambiance, but also still be australian, you know a little bit more bush Uh, but still whack, you know Still whack I'd go french

Oh, you're fucking just to be a complete cunt. It's a lean in to me. Oh, yeah, and I could speak like no My kids my kids speak french Oh my god, my kids are fluent really how did it happen? My wife's a francophile, which means she thinks she's french She's from cold water canyon, but like she thinks she's french. So she my wife speaks french, italian, uh, turkish And and my kids now have conversations in four friends. Oh my god That's that's me and I don't yeah

Yeah, it's uh, it's super annoying. Oh if my kids were sitting around speaking in french looking up at me and laughing I would get And you're like, what are you saying about me? Nothing daddy You've also just did an impersonation of every character from water boy too So I think I mean that's insane though, man have french speakers in your own home You don't know what's going on dude. That's It's like my my son charlie's six and we were in switzerland just recently and I took him out on his scooter And there was a lady we call them lollipop ladies

What they call there the people that pedestrian thoughts probably no no no the ladies that helped all the men That helped kids get across the pedestrian. Oh, uh traffic guards. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah traffic guards and she's like she looks at me She goes, I love you and I'm like, uh, I'm really sorry english pardon And then charlie my six-year-old goes The lady says that there is a race in town and there's going to be lots of people coming through on bikes It's going to be really dangerous. Uh, you better go across the road now really just like

Charlie's taking care of you. Yeah Yeah, you're getting later on by the six year old charlie. That's a cool name for a kid. I like that name Oh charlton. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's a risk Why but charlton just sounds like because I think it's a candy also in america charlton's Oh, it used to be a dance actually the charlton didn't that's the charlston. Oh charlston. Yeah close though So definitely you could see him doing some dancing. I've got I've got I've got a charlton a bow A cocoa and a teddy. Oh man. Teddy's theodora. Yeah. Theodora. Yeah. Yeah. Good name. Where does vor come from? Uh

So now this just sounds good. Oh, it's you know kids. Do you ever watch do you ever watch the dukes of hazard? Oh, yeah, dude watch bow duke. Oh, yeah, how's that spelt? Bo yeah, yeah, but that's how I wanted both because of the dukes. No, isn't it? It's b e a u. You lost that battle. Yeah, I did. Yeah, but like in your head you're like be all One of my good mates from growing up his name bow actually Yeah, bow is a popular name in louisiana. Yeah, I think I think it's a rednecky name, right? Oh, let me think it can be but it also is kind of like an affluent name So I think it depends on how you spell it bo is probably a little bit more rural

Right, and then be a u is a little bit more like, uh, uh French, you know, yeah, bow regard. Yeah, I don't want it bowed to be called bow regard. That's a good name. No, it's Bow regard. No, it's not bow regard Bow regard there's no no, we had a blunt stoke. Yeah Yeah, but still dude, you need to be from uh, east sussex. Is that a place east sussex? It sounds like one. Yeah. Um What about okay, it is as soon as a question for you, right anxiety How's your anxiety been during because we're heading to the end now? Yeah, of course. So how's your anxiety been through this podcast?

Mine's been good until you asked me a question You've just been you've just been the audience Yeah, it's been popping in you'd be on a great job of being that mark's very supportive I will say it's one really I mean, he has a lot of great characteristics. One of them is that he's very supportive He's a good committee. You just can't understand what he's saying You know I'm saying so it's almost trickery because he can be like I'm great at this and then you just don't know what he's talking about My new things to explain the joke to the audience

I'm like, all right. This is why some of you didn't laugh. Let me announce it Do do you do you worry about that being in america and Trying to being successful in the career that you're choosing to be but in a place where they can't understand you Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate it. Yeah. Do you clip your words so that people? Yeah, sometimes like I instead of like if I say the path I have to be like always on the sidewalk Yeah, but not it's it's not, you know, like but bonnet boo. It's not all of that. It's your accent. Yeah Oh, yeah, definitely. I'll be like even but if I call it out if I say like

I went to the bar. Yeah, and then people are like he went to the bear And I'm like, oh, I went to the bar People know you're at the bar Yeah, but like if you're road testing material and you like that didn't work He's like, do you know if it didn't work because they just didn't understand it. That's why I have to figure it out I'm like, oh, if I even say like the star like she had stares in her feeling on her ceiling She had stares on her feeling. That's a rash mark But I was like, why do they not get and I I figured out then they think I'm saying she had stares on her feeling

On her ceiling. Right. Right. So I'd be like, oh no stars like twinkle twinkle I just have to explain a little bit more I have to treat the audience like they're dumb. Yeah, you know what that means We're getting dumb here, dude America. We're getting dumb fast man Uh, there was one more interesting thing I was gonna ask you but I think I almost forgot what it was No, I don't get too much anxiety around you. You see you're very welcoming I think you have a very welcoming and inviting personality ask a lot of questions and so I think it Yeah, I don't feel a ton of anxiety around you. Do you um when you do podcasts? Do you

Uh revise the night before or do you just rock up and and hit it? Sometimes I revise, you know When I talk with mark about you coming in like, you know, I know about your career But I didn't know like what your energy was like really. Um, but mark, you know Just said you're basically just a pretty normal guy to be around and then it's engaging conversation So I didn't think too far past that. Uh, we got some questions from folks And then yeah, I just like to kind of see what's going on with the day But if we had an author come in then we like we had an author come in the other day And so with him we you know went through and read like half the book as much as I could

Do you think Joe Rogan sort of just rocks up these days or do you think that he puts in a bit of I think it's a mix. I think Joe Rogan and this is something I learned about him recently was that he always was very People would say he talked too much. He said he said people when I was younger would say man You talk too much, you know, and then look what he did what he'd like is extremely curious So he has I think a very curious nature. So curiosity, I think if you have an inside of you It makes your brain it like gives your face questions all the time to get to ask someone So if your curiosity is really working um, I think my curiosity works better when I'm feeling good when I'm not like in a

Space of self very much where my brain isn't kind of worrying about things in my own world So I think the healthier I am mentally and stuff the more curiosity I have and the better I do But what do I think Joe does? I think at this point he probably has enough Comfort with how to do certain things. He knows the mechanism. Yeah, do you um, when you when you're doing podcasts? Do you find that you are Insanely concentrating Do you find like for example when I'm doing a podcast whether I I did one interview where I was asking the questions for the rest of the time. I'm on podcasts. I am just hyper focused

Wow, are you hyper focused in these moments or I was watching you do the nick thing the nixon thing And it was just like it was just chatting the shit between two people and it felt very Natural and it felt very comfortable. Yeah Is that I if I'm if this is on and I am here. I am just like like I've taken seven adderall I think I guess I do feel more focused than usual. It's kind of a respite from the rest of my day So I'm grateful that I have to think about other people and you know, just be involved with others So that's nice. But do I feel hyper focused? I think it depends. Um I know that people like when people are just having a conversation when it doesn't feel sometimes like there's a ton of planning

I find so and what does the rest of you day look like the rest of my day looks like Uh, I'll probably patch up with these guys and make sure everything is good. Look at some social media clips and stuff like that um I gotta Check in with a sponsor So I had a little bit of a falling out with a sponsor. So I need to check in with him and decide what I'm gonna do Are you are you on meds? No, I've been off for like about Two months, but it's also scary because I feel like I had uh

Because I got on them like 15 years ago. So it's like why are you often? I think because I just had I felt like I wasn't having a lot of feelings So I'm like is one of the reasons I'm not having feelings because I'm on These meds like part of me. I was thinking sometimes like it's hard for me to like I feel like if I want to like fall in love with somebody So I was like, maybe I'm not maybe I'm not maybe I'm feeling not feeling love because I don't And how do you feel about that being two months off them now? I feel like I have a lot of like I've been kind of like

A little bit more tearful honestly dude a little bit more emotional Yeah, yeah, so that's been a little bit Kind of almost a little bit alarming But then part of me is like maybe there's these feelings that have been needed to get out for so long And they haven't so I just don't know for me and I am not. Yeah, obviously we're not doctors. We're not doctors And I'm not saying I'm not we've never had a doctor in here. Mark's a doctor I'm not suggesting anybody doing what I'm doing at all. It's not what I'm saying just how this is working for me I'm on motherfucking meds and that's the way it's gonna stay. Wow. That's it. I am totally in

I don't need to go and evaluate see if there's some feelings that need come and coming out Is that I I spent I would say 1990 to 2006 In abject misery of some form or another because of My poor mental health And I don't want to waste another second in there. Yeah, that makes sense

You know, and that's that's for me, you know, it's like I'm in the relationship with my missus I've got the kids Uh, for me it makes total sense just to be like, okay, this is my life. This is what I need for it to happen Uh, this is what I'm doing. Wow I think about that too. I think about going getting back on actually I yesterday was the first time I thought about it. What were you on just on sertraline or something generic prozac? I think Fluoxetine what what what milligram pretty low dose like 10? Yeah, maybe 15. Okay. It's nothing And and have you not at the zaps

The the coming off them. How did you wean off them? Uh, I weaned pretty decently like cutting down pills getting the smallest pills and then cutting them in half and stuff like that No, I haven't had anything like that. I've just been more emotional. I notice like I'll start talking to somebody and then I'm balling up Sorry, this is a Carl's june We're closed Sorry, mate, but that but that happens with me. It's like I all of a sudden though, uh, we'll just

Yeah, and my wife will be like boozy and I'll be like Really? Yeah, but what I've done is is forgotten to take my meds for six days But but I but I don't know that I've forgotten to take my meds until and and every time it happens I forget that that's why I'm crying And it happens twice a year Where I'll just be like And my wife would be like because like they she she responds so much better to tears than anger Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like I am angry about your timekeeping

And she'll be like and then like I get in trouble for being angry about her timekeeping But if I went I don't know what to do Timekeeping she'd be like I try to make it But it's the weirdest thing with the meds where I just forget to take them Occasionally and then I make the solemn swear that I will never forget to take them ever again because it's really bad And then I just forget. Do you ever feel though? Like if you take the meds, you're giving it They're like there's just some like big pharmacy system you're giving into I don't know if I feel that way

Oh, I kind of I've never taken meds and never cry. So I'm the opposite of both No, but I just wonder why would god put us together where we don't or you know Why would the why would we be put together where we need some other thing? You know, it seems like we would be okay But maybe also having meds could be just a side effect of where we are as a population and species in time like That one we're way different than what things used to be like. Yeah, you know, the past is a Is a different country. They do things differently there. That's a great statement. The past is a different country. Yeah It's it's all sorts of changed. That's why you know, everybody's

Frigging mentally ill now is because of what society is doing to itself And if I can just have like a breather if I can have something that gives me a breather from myself I'm good with that. I'm good with that. It's kind of like why would you get a haircut of god didn't want you to Why would you put on clothes? Yeah, so like it's kind of like you're giving in to Balenciaga Those cheap shoes Oh, that's a great joke Maybe we'll finish there Ah, can I ask about your teeth before you go? Yeah, are they yours? Yeah. Well done. Thanks, man. Oh, wait. Actually these two are fake

Yeah, you're yours. Yeah Yeah, you got good teeth man. You got good white teeth. Mine is getting a little beigeed out. No, yours are He's got American teeth. I gotta shine up such really amazing teeth. Yeah. Yeah Wow when I was young I had spaced out teeth You know and then you did you have a retainer? Yeah, I got the retainers. Yeah Sometimes I wish I could go back, but it's all good. I'm gonna I want teeth like I'm gonna go and get some Teeth really in a bit. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah

You kind of I feel like you have that kind of like Andy Dufresne like runs a train like like you were like a train conductor kind of You don't want those bright white teeth that people get in like Zimbabwe or something. Oh, no, no I don't want I don't want a mouthful of teeth like that. I want yours. Yeah Yeah, but you you look as though you you you've got a You've got a mouthful of teeth. They don't look like yours. Yeah. Yeah. Really? What is it? What is it? Right? Economic background and you're growing up not great, right? Yeah. Yeah, not good shitty. Yeah. What is it about? Your economic background growing up shitty teeth amazing. Yeah, my economic background growing up shitty teeth Brown and bitty. Yeah, what what happens? What's the psyche with America and the psyche with the uk and island

Where we're just like fuck teeth. Maybe in America. They think everyone can be a movie star So that's what it is. Well, they can because you possibly can yeah, like I just don't think the like teeth are down the line Yeah, like haircut nails. Yeah, I mean it's past liver for you Well, I think generally like I also noticed like if you do like a lot of uh I I thought when I was in In law or in united kingdom or britain that they had more a lot of the Women the men were better looking than the women I felt I thought that and you know, it could have just I didn't see a ton of couples

I probably only saw about 80 couples You know and a lot of loneless lonesome men, which is my audience But which I'm grateful for guys Uh, but I I felt like maybe the women was more you see a lot more tanned women as well Like the fancy women in england is real tanned up and Yeah, it's like a popular thing, you know, they were all in sheets That's one thing when you arrive in los angeles just the amount of good-looking women is just Unbelievable. I know we touched on it before but it's I remember

Like getting here and I was just like On a sidewalk at the the lights and I just thought I'm gonna count Every fit woman in the car. I was like 23 at the time. I'm gonna count I'm gonna count 50. See how many fit women there are. Oh, yeah, I'm just like one two three It was it was like the ratio was 50 to 50 really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fit to non fit. It's it is unreal here Yeah, that's true. People are just at least fit. They're like a they fit. Well. Yeah, everybody's yeah people could do a medium here And they're okay Um, do you think that uh, oh

shit It was good though. Oh, did you ever hire one of those dating services if you got some money to help you find a decent lady? Because I wonder if when you're popular at your level of fame, how do you? Seed out, you know, like see I didn't want to be in a relationship So no, but I would have done if it had carried on for longer. I met Ida when I was 32. I'm now 47 Yeah, yeah, you look great for 47. Well, thank you very much. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, so um, I probably would have done eventually Uh, but at the point at that point in time, I didn't want to be in a relationship. So no, I didn't

Imagine you went tinder You be like raya, isn't it? Are you like raya? Yeah, it's awful. Is it? Why is it awful? Because you just like you match and you talk and then it stops. It's very like Why does it match and talk and because there's bigger better offer? There always is on that side of right. Yeah, like it's fish. Shack is on there. I heard Yeah, like all these famous people. Yeah, so if you're not Diplo, yeah Yeah, if you're not Diplo, you're not getting the look in. Is that what happens? You get an initial look in but then they'll match with someone else. Yeah, they'll look out

Yeah, the conversation is very how's it going? Not too bad. And you don't What are you are you on those? I'm not on I think about it sometimes But I'm trying to go the other way right now. I got to get a little bit of space But I just don't need to be doing anything like Because I'm just feeling compulsive about it. That's what I that's what I'm overall working on It's just compulsivity find someone you really like. Yeah Then don't be a cunt And that's a that's a possibility too. I want to leave that door open. Yeah, that's all you've got to do. The second pair desired

But then, you know, I don't know. I think I also think there's a time in your life where you get to where you're ready to do that And I think it's part of me feels myself getting there a little bit Well, it's that's really bullshit. Yeah, that's what you're saying the whole time. Yeah, that's what I was saying the whole time It's like I wasn't ready at 32 Apparently I was because I have been since I've been 32. It's like you are ready now Yeah, you know, you just don't know it Finds, you know, if she comes in and she makes you laugh and you trust her and you like looking at her

Marry it Marry it. Marry it. Marry it. And then like I say, I'll swear again. Don't be a cunt and then you win Yeah, no, I when you were saying that I got a bit anxious Yeah, the Marry it. No the whole like it's that easy those three things. Oh, yeah I got anxious. I was like, oh But what if there's another girl Oh, yeah Who's also

But that's gonna happen that but that's gonna happen always for the rest of your life Yes, but then I'll be like you wait here. I'll be right back That happens with me when I'm watching the television and like, oh, she's Oh, yeah, this happens all of that and then I go. Oh, yeah, this happens all of the time because it's that that thing Inside me and then you know, it's like I I I have an amazing wife who's fit

And great to look at makes me laugh and I trust her and like what am I you know, what am I? What would I be swapping for? Yeah, what's what would be better about any of these other people? But here I'll swap for the possibility So that's something that you got to look at. Yeah, what is like what yeah, what would you swap for? And sometimes you never make a list of the values and the one thing that you have and so there's always like That's what I noticed too If I don't ever really kind of make a list of what like oh well with this I have like Always have a friend you got like a teammate a freaking somebody to watch do things with like if you never really list that out

Then you'll just always think there's this invisible idea of something over here. That's better. That's what I noticed I have this invisible idea that I've never even looked at like what is this idea Yeah, yeah, you know, it's just a fucking if you get over there and it's just some fucking lady smoking outside of a building like Morpheus just blob of an idea Like this sort of grayish with tinges of black and then you're sort of like I don't know what it is, but it's better Yes, that's what it is. Yeah It's always gonna be out there, man. Um, thank you for your time today guys. Yep, Robbie

Mark, it was a pleasure man Yeah, thank you. Thank you for having us That parking brake and let myself on my shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story shine On me and I will find a song I will sing it just for you