This Past Weekend - E376 Trevor Wallace

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Trevor Wallace is an American comedian, writer, improvisor, and actor. Check Trevor out live on his new "Are You That Guy?" comedy tour. Ticket links and more at https://trevorwallacecomedy.com/ In this episode Theo and Trevor discuss narcs, high school lost loves, how Trevor would prove himself a leader after a plane crash, and their perspective on movies in today’s media climate.  Find Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/ ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/THEO Get your new wireless plan for $15 per month. HOP WTR: https://hopwtr.com/ Use promo code THEO for 20% and free shipping. Babbel: https://www.babbel.com/ Use code THEO to get three months free when you purchase a three month Babbel subscription.  Allbirds: https://www.allbirds.com/ Discover your perfect pair today. The Zebra: https://www.thezebra.com/THEO Save time and money in minutes. Get your free quote today. BlueChew: https://bluechew.com/ Use code THEO to receive your first month free.  Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 525 Royal Pkwy PO Box 292634 Nashville, TN 37229 ------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Jimmy https://www.instagram.com/jimmyrector/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Today's episode is brought to you also by Liquid Death. Grateful for them. Oh, man. It's nice to have some relief from the snow. It burnt my skin. I didn't know snow could burn your skin up, and it can, even though it's a cold feature. It can burn you. Anyway, today's guest is a young man out of California, and he is, he's just hilarious. You know, he's very outgoing, vivacious. He makes a lot of beautiful material out there on Instagram to talk. He just, he's the viral video. You know, he's, are you that guy? That's when you see, you just, that's his new tour. Are you that guy? And he'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. You know, he's a comedian. He's a, he's just a, he's a damn just energy man, you know,

and he puts it out there in ways that people like to laugh at and, and with. And I'm one of those people. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Trevor Wallace. Yeah, because I'm supposed to head back to, I was supposed to head back to LA tomorrow, or tonight actually, but my flight got canceled. Yeah, it's a lot going on out there. Yeah. I always thought Nashville was like 72 minimum. Yeah. Oh yeah, it gets brisk, man. We just, I actually just went sledding this morning actually. Did you? Yeah. How was it? I feel like doing anything, like I went bodyboarding like a couple of weeks ago. Insane. This is great. Bodyboarding. And what is it? Just body, water, body. Okay. So you were out in the, what are you talking about?

In what ocean? What ocean were you in? Santa Monica, Pacific, Atlantic. Which one is that one? I'm not good with geography. That's Pacific man. Pacific. Yeah. Yeah. That's an easy one. Yeah. I know my rights for my lefts and north, south and east and west, but, but oceans. That's an easy one, man. I know that one. Oceans are, I don't know how many. I know oceans 11. Yeah. Good movie. But could you name 11 oceans you think? I think I could name 11 cities I have oceans. Hauntington, Hermosa. That's cheating, bro. Santa Monica, Venice. You ride in a lot of that same ocean, man. That's true. I met some people the other day from Bahrain. Where is it? That's what I was like. What? Yeah. I was like, are you guys like? Where'd you meet them? Where'd

you meet them? Oh, yeah. I was like, are you guys, and I didn't even know what to ask. I'm like, are you right? What's offensive and what's not? Or just like, no, not even ethnic, ethnical. I was just going to be like, are you guys like, I didn't even know what to say. Yeah. Yeah. Like, are you lost at the airport? Do you believe in magic? You know what I'm saying? I didn't know what to ask. I feel like they would. Where is that, by the way? See, that's where I was even where the thing was coming. What was it called again? All of that was happening for me at one time. I'm going to need you to write it on a piece of paper. They're like, we're from Bahrain, and I'm like, Bahrain. It kind of sounds like Bahrain. It kind of sounds like, yeah. Did you

meet Joe Bahrain? Bunk. It sounds like Bahumbug, too. What is that? I know what it is, but I don't know what it is. Bahumbug is like a famous saying from Christmas. That's like when you stub your toe and you're like, Bahumbug, or somebody stole some shit from you. Bahumbug was like a famous saying for people that I think weren't, were angry. Like if your grandfather, like if you asked him for a dollar and he didn't want to give you a dollar. They'd do anything but cuss back in the day. Anything but cuss. But they would also hit people and you're like, I feel like there's a better alternative. You could just cuss. But they would hit them with a can. Are we talking seniors, you mean? Seniors, yeah. Yeah, seniors, I think we did. Yeah, I remember my girl, I had a girlfriend's

grandmother one time just slap me right across the face and her grandfather slapped me. After? Huh? After? The alley-oop. He's like, fucking, in my turn, batter, batter, swing, swing, you know? Different. Different. Yeah, that is weird. What did you do to deserve that? Oh, made love to their granddaughter. I think that's enough. That's usually what it is. I think so. If I'm especially, and she was, she was very attractive and if I'm the grandfather and I have an attractive granddaughter, this may sound a little bit creepy. Or just any granddaughter, right? Yeah. And somebody's making love to her. I think I'm not going to be. I think it would be hard to be really stoked about it. But yeah, because if you're too excited, then it's weird.

Then it gets a little porn hub category-ish. Grandpa gets excited over prom day. Where's this going? I'll watch. Yeah, grandpa's just by the door with a big listing thing or something. You got a red solo cup with a string in it. Would you be the guy meeting like a daughter and then like at prom? Are you shaking the guy's hand hard? Or are you kind of just like, what's up, man? Good to see you. Oh, dude. People in the movies are always trying to be like intimidating. But like, oh, I was so, I remember wasted at one time at prom. I went to pick up my date, right? I was too drunk. There you go. Are you driving or no? Probably floating a little bit. I was definitely. You're just on one? A couple of Mad Dog 2020s.

All different colors. Red, white, and blue. Yeah. I was like, damn, why am I in a mushroom? Yeah. I'm not doing real well. So you're picking her up. Oh, well, I had to send my friend in to pretend he was me because the dad had never even met. Was he hotter? Like buffer? That's a good idea. He was my friend Lance. Yeah, he was definitely, he was more, he was honestly, in hindsight, he was more attractive. And here's the crazy part. They ended up looking up. Yeah. I can jerked off. You went into the house to meet the dad later. Like you're trying to play some Madden real quick. I got two. I was just too wasted. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like worse. Did you ever, you ever get too wasted before a day? All the time. I remember one New Year's,

I, we, there was a, there's a bottle of absolute, it's like a hundred proof and it comes like a disco ball looking thing. And I remember I like brought it to the party thinking I was like, dude, I was like, yo, I got the, this is like bringing, you know, course light to a frat party. We in here. Yeah. But I drank the whole thing and I woke up just under their dining room table and pissed myself. Oh, really? Yeah. So. Were you laying face down or face up? Face down. Oh, yeah. But I was like under, under the table, like mentally, like in my drunk mindset, I was like, that looks like a blanket, just a levitating blanket. Oh, it was an interesting place to pass out. Um, yeah. That's manly. The saddest way to pee yourself is laying on your back.

Just like casket. Just ready to end it. There's just something about like, you're like, you would, you, because here's what happened to me. Like you're like in like an ER or something. You're like waiting for someone to put, you know, a colostomy bag in you. For me, it's like, if I wake up and I've urinated myself and I'm laying on my back, it feels like it's the weakest. It's just like, because I was so vulnerable because I, I, I then envisioned myself actually having done it. Somebody walks by and like, oh, this guy's up pissing himself. Up pissing himself. Yeah. I don't know. It feels weaker. Face down is sad. Somebody faced down and pee. Oh, peeed himself. But if you're on your back and you pee yourself, that's like, I remember,

I was in a frat shocking. I was in a frat, but like, if you passed over your shoes on, people could just fuck with you. Right. Just whatever. That was just tape a coat of that can to your forehead. Yeah. It was like, if your shoes run, you were good. And if they're socking, you're getting your ass beat. Exactly. But it's like, that was such a weird, and it was like, I feel like a lot of people listening would know that that was like a general rule. If your shoes were on when you passed out, you were like fair game. You could play tic-tac-toe on the forehead with a sharpie and like no repercussions. Yeah. Draw a dick on the cheekbone. We had a dude who had, who was like mint. Oh, he wasn't, he wasn't like, he was like

paraplegic or whatever. And they would braid his legs when he got wasted. Like a, like a, like a Boy Scout type of knot. No, not like a boat knot or nothing. That would kill him. That would just kind of braid it up. His grandfather would slap you if you did that. Oh yeah. That's what grandpa was coming back in with the, so after you got slapped by grandpa, did you, would you just take it or you fucking be like, I'll fucking pull the double A's out of your life alert right now. Oh, I remember. Cause I didn't know what their traditions were. I think they were Greek or Italian. I could see that. Cause I was kissing you on like the cheek. So they might be slapping you on the cheek. When you get over in your, the Mediterranean,

you don't, you don't know what's going to happen. You know, they, they had a little bit of that Joe, they had a little Joey Diaz somewhere in them. Right. You like hummus? I just got big on it. Really? I don't even know. I put it on a carrot. I was like, I didn't know you could do with it. It feels like a, it kind of feels like ranch for bitches. Call me a fucking bitch. That's, I don't know. I like it. I don't like celery. Cause the strings in it pissed me off. It's like a guitar in there. But I feel like you'd like doing something. Yeah. I can never do it just for a meal. Like, like just a plant diet, little much, little much for me. I would never.

Um, yeah, my flight. I was getting on my flight. I canceled. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. Luckily I flew in yesterday. It is. I mean, they were asking if I wanted to cancel shows. I was like, don't fucking, I don't know. Don't look at me. Yeah. I guess who makes that decision. They put it on me. Did that? Yeah. They're like, do you want to cancel? We can move this shit. I was like, I don't fuck. I don't know what snow is to y'all. I didn't even know that we were in Tennessee. Like I knew we were in Tennessee, but like, did I know that we were in Tennessee? Right. And that's every place you kind of go. It's like, you don't really, you're never in a place long enough to really like,

you know, people are always like sending you messages like, Hey man, come on. You know, we're doing my cousin owns a root beer factory. Dude, we'd love to have you stop by and you want to do all these things. It's, sometimes it's just a lot to be able to take on, but Oh, it's too much. You never really know you're in a place. Right. Well, I also don't want to make a call based on y'all's weather where I say something and then people are like, you cancel for that. And I'm like, I don't fucking know. I remember when Delia one time canceled for snow. He got so much shit online. I mean, people were yelling. Yeah, probably. And he got a lot of it for me because he shouldn't have done it. That's what I'm saying. It's like, he canceled for snow,

bro, which is basically, let's be honest, gay one. Okay, gay rain. Okay, let's be honest. It's very powdery out there today. It's like, I was, I was, I was telling your boy that it's, it's nice to walk on. You feel like you're like, is this the next step to heaven? Oh, I literally, I woke up this morning. I watched miracle on 34th street or 38th street. Third honor off. Hurt off, bro. There we go. Hurt off. You know, chain on. Chain on. Yeah. Chain on. No shirt. How that movie should be intended. Chain on. No shirt. Yeah. That's definitely, that is a, that's definitely a gypsy wedding. I feel like that's like, yeah, you're the ring bearer actually. I feel like it's listening to Christmas music past Christmas. Is that what's your take

on that? Like, like in June? Oh, I, I, I've been listening to Christmas music for probably, I've listened more after Christmas when the stress is gone from the holiday. Yeah. And the views are down a little lower. Yeah. And the views are lower. So you don't feel like you're bandwagoning it, but like, is Michael Buble still pulling in plays in June? Probably. I go, let's go. I'm like, Bing Crosby, you know, like that old like, OG. Yeah. I don't know what he looks like, but it's like, yeah, I go Bing Crosby. I wonder if like, when back in the day, they're like, I'm going to start doing Christmas music. They're like, yeah, shut up. Like, okay, that's, that's what you want to do. Christmas music. But now the numbers don't lie.

Oh, now I think for certain people it's there. But back in the day, it's like, oh, you think you can compete with Jesus Christ? I think there was a lot of that back in the early day. Right. They're like, you don't need to do that. Like in 70 AD, 70 AD, some dudes like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm doing Christmas music. Yeah. Fuck you on me. Yeah. He's off the eggnog. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah, that is weird. It's just weird to wake up one day and be like, you know what I could fucking capitalize on some of this X mix music. It's just a week. I don't know. But there's not a big market in it. There's not too many people on the vision board be like Christmas music. I don't know. I think Nellie did a Christmas album.

Did he? I think he did. Nellie was great doing crossovers. He did a Tim McGraw question. No, who do you do the Lord of Georgia line? Maybe. There was one with a jet. I think it was FGO. It might have been. It might have been. It might have been Tim McGraw. Oh, I think you're right. It might have been Tim McGraw. I think it's Tim McGraw. I can picture it in my head. I was thinking about us. Think about me. Only just a dream. Is that it? Or might it just? Yeah, right? We got computers. It was only just a dream. Yeah. People love shooting music videos on a jetway. Just something about the open land. Yeah, I'm just trying to think of that. Was it him and Tim McGraw? It was only just a dream. You can probably just type in Nellie Tim McGraw.

Over and over again. Over and over again. Over and over again. I keep picking. We're talking about 149 million views. That's big. And I'll say this. Two of them could be mine. Two miller, just two in general. Here's what I don't want to know. Here's what I want to know. Oh, and they look, they really, I love how they stop it right there. Does Tim McGraw have a bunk bed? Yeah, let's see. That's what I, they made a lot of this really. First of all, they put that skull cap on Tim McGraw, which that's pretty hard. Little Kid Rock ask. It feels hard. It just feels like they really trying to merge artists. Right. You know, right. So what did they do for Nellie to country him out a little bit? Oh, well, let's see if we can see Nellie

packing some Copenhagen. Just drag that thing over there just so we can see Nellie. Just we don't even need to hear it. That's when the St. Louis Randall. Yeah. They put it in front of a brick building. Yeah. That's kind of country. No. Rick, I feel like is from. Oh, they're touching belt buckles. Okay. Yeah. Let's see right there. There we go. They're touching. That's the closest one belt buckles. Oh, the side. Now there they, so to get Nellie really hyped up, they put that big belt buckle on him. Yeah. They put that flavor of flavor. They really put it right. That's how they locked him in for this song. And then they got a picture of Faith Hill right there and then Nellie. Is that his wife or someone is it? Who's Sierra? I don't see her at a party one.

Really? She's a fox. When that song, there was a song that our school dances. You had to be hands touch one, two step. You had to be your arms length away. Tell me about that. Oh, so like in like eighth grade for our dances, there was like chaperones and you had to be one arm length away because that was, you know, social distancing for when you were horny. You know, you tell me one arm's length away. Oh, Seaman's the original code. She's spreading everywhere, dog. But when Sierra's one, two step or goodies, goodies, that shit, when that would come out, everybody would break the arm barrier. People would stuff. I mean, that was like the first time my brain heard something. I was like, oh, shit. Who is that guy? I think it's Peaty Pop. I love what I do.

That or freak a leak? Wasn't that was that cookies? No goodies. Good. Close. But when that came on, that was like the first time my body really felt something. You know, I remember the first porn I ever Googled is boobs.com. That was the original. But the second time I really felt something was when goodies came on at the school dance. And that was big. That was everybody. All the chaperones were like, you guys are doing the freak dance and get them away. But they always tried to break it up. Somebody blow a whistle. Yeah, air horns. Yeah, exactly. Your shirt's off. You're sweating. Yeah, that was the first time. Oh, that was crazy. Dude, school dances, man. I remember one time going to pick this girl up. Oh, freak a leak. Was that it? Freak a leak was no goodies. Is there

a song called goodies goodies? There is a jam. Yeah, just just. No, just goodies. My good goodies. I think Sierra goodies. Go to Sierra. Oh, with Peaty Pop. Yeah, I think that it. That's the same photo on the nice thing. No, the second one down. Damn, look at me. I know my shit, dude. There we go. Subliminal messaging. Nelly is horny. Or were they dating? Probably. Did they date? I don't think we can play it anyway, can we? Okay. Yeah, regardless. I'm playing in my mind a little bit right now, but that's, but that was like the school dance stuff was, this was even, who'd you go with? Yeah, I think you just went with homies. Whoa. But like eighth grade dances,

you kind of just showed up and then you just kind of like, like in movies, you'd sit at the wall and you'd wait to make eye contact with, but in high school, that's when you would ask the girl. Oh, really? We had no, when our school, it was B, you had to get asked or asked at like seventh grade. Wow. And they had different dances, man. They had Sadie Hawkins. Sadie Hawkins, okay. Then they had this one dance where they made a big shirt. Yeah. They would sew the shirt sleeves together. It was like, like a parachute, love lock or something. You see how many people you could fit in there? No, you had to, it was you and your date. So y'all were like a big circle, you know,

by the sleeves. Yeah. And so you were, um, I'd have been sprinkling or something. Said they would have these special shirts made for everybody and you had to be like locked in like this. So all night you were kind of locked in. How did you pee? You pants? You just commit. That'd be a weird place to get hard to. You didn't lay on your back and do it. Like some fucking unnaggle. Cause then she's laying on her stomach and then she's going out the honorable one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I, uh, I remember one year I asked a girl, uh, to homecoming in a Tiffany's box, but it just said, uh, homecoming on a piece of paper. And then I opened it like I was proposing

and then she friends on it. I went in for the kiss and she, he moved the cheek, he moved the cheek. I mean, I was, yeah, I was way out of my league. This girl, she, she was like the girl who had like the, the tits in town. Like she was, you ask anybody, both of them. Yeah. You asked anybody about, uh, in Camero, California about, uh, about Christina. I mean, she had the bags on her. Bags, bags, bags were fully charged, but she was awesome. And, but I was like, I was really stepping outside of my britches, you know? Oh, I remember this one girl. I think her name was Noel, right? Good titty name. And she had, I don't need her whole body. Her whole body was made out of tit, dude. Every part of her body.

You graze her hand a little bit. You're like, Oh, oh, even a high five felt like it had milk in it. You know what I'm saying? She just was all. Yeah. And I remember somehow he agreed to go to a dance with me. I, I even remember when I asked her, I was so, I was on mushrooms and I asked her and I got so hyped after she said, yes, I ran and jumped over a chain link fence and cut my, literally cut my hand open and my stomach up. Did you grip it like you were pole vaulting a little bit? Oh, it's so stoked. Oh, because you're on mushrooms. Yeah. I was like, I'm going to show her this cool trick. You know what I'm saying? She knows she's dealing with a savage. And that was tick girl. So anyway, I healed up

and we went to the dance. And, uh, and one of my hands was still pretty bandaged up. You know, my hand where I got and cut pretty well was pretty bad. So I remember she led me like kind of get one of the tits out when I'm just batting that thing around like a Mayweather shit, just throwing rides on it. Oh, it was definitely that's what'll heal the hand. Oh, it was some, you know, some Canelo, bro. Let me just little, little batting practice with that teatop. Oh, yeah. And, and then later on at night, she like we're at my friend's house and we're sitting there and they had a pool table and I'm like trying to get like trying to get her underpants off a little with the mid on. Oh, it was so hard. And I think she kept thought, um, that I was like tapping her on

the like I was trying to ask her a question because she would I could see that. Like what? You know, because I kept every time I'd like kind of touch with the video. You should add her like seductively like undo the wrap on your hand with her teeth or something going around. If going back in time, dude, I would do it so different. But I got so nervous because she was so she was the hot. She was the she was just living tit and I got so nervous that I just kind of I just fell apart and how's she doing now? I'm sure she's beautiful and has a family. Same tit. Like most of the people that I know are most of the, you know, like most women that I talk occasionally at night on Facebook. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Every once in a while, you dabble, see how they're doing for kids.

Arkansas. Yeah. Yeah. You a natural tit guy or a, uh, implant. Well, implants. There was a rocky time for implants. There was a time where they came out real hard. Have you ever come across any of those? Oh yeah. I remember, uh, there was a stripper in North Carolina, uh, green, green, one of them. Probably Greensboro. But she, she told me she got hers for like $300 off and, uh, I was like, I don't think that's something you want to cut, you know, corners on. They were, they were still good, but they, they kind of look like, um, you ever remember those old school DV or like DVD stacks where it'd be like a tube in the middle, then all the, the DVDs were on it. It kind of looked like she had two of those and with like a little bit on top too,

because it kind of looked like a nipple. They were solid, but I know what you mean. They were like, there was some really, yeah, there was a lot of, uh, some of them were very, They were like shifty. Like you could kind of like, like, you know how people can like move to like knee, kneecap? Yes. Like you could do that with a tit. Yeah. Some of them you could, yeah, it seemed like you could kind of like, you could almost, um, shift gears. Yes. Yeah. Put that bitch in six. Like you were driving an 18 wheel. Yeah. There was some real, dude, there was a girl I met one time in Raleigh, uh, North Carolina. Great city. And her breasts were like these, they were almost like, uh, you ever seen like a, um, like a baby have like a poop diaper, you know? Yeah.

And if you squeeze it, it stays in that shape. Oh, a temperpedic. Yes, she had that. But it didn't go back. It did. Her tits would kind of, if you squeeze them, they would stay there. Yeah, I don't know. What is temperpedics whole deal about putting wine on the bed and just jump it? I think a lot of couples, that's like the highlight of their, just putting somewhere low on the corner and getting after it. If you never left town, that's, uh, that's your summer Olympics. We have the Franzia. We're getting after it. Oh, I think it's a lot of people. Yeah. And then some, you know, I don't know. I think, I think if I was a girl, I'd have really weird tits. I think I just have weird. I think you have a very model body for a young woman. Yeah.

Is that a compliment? I've dated a girl recently that had a body like you. Was it me? I don't know what type of body I'd have. I think I'd be the girl with no ass, but like knocker. Just like, you know, with them gangs. Yeah. Just bagged up, ready to go. Yeah. I think I would just have, but I don't know. I think I'd have weird aerials. That's my biggest insecurity. I know your body style. You're not going to have weight. You think you'd have big aerials? That would be weird ones. Like, you know, the ones that kind of just like disintegrate into the sea of, of scans. Yeah, they fade out. Yeah. I think I'd have those. I kind of like those. You know, it's fun. You don't know where it starts or stops. Kind of like the ocean.

Where's the Atlantic? Where's the Pacific? Just that incoming out going tide. Like, sometimes it looks like a little more. Yeah, a little more ariola. You know, they think about it. I remember the first time I met you. I was hosting, uh, it was like 2017 in Oxford and you had your shirt off. It was after a show and you just had your shirt off and you ordered, uh, what's the tuna called sashimi? You ordered a ahi tuna salad, but you're like, I don't want the salad. And I never forget that moment. And the waitress was so confused. She's like, so you don't want the salad. You're like, no, I want the salad, but I just want the tuna. She was so confused and you had your shirt off for that. Fuck yeah. And that's all I remember.

Savage. Yeah. And I was in a savage movie. It was really savage. And then you said something after you're like, I can't believe anybody can just have babies. And then that was it. I still can't. But I was just like, this is double power moves shirt off. Well, actually tripled shirt off. Ahi tuna. Just opinions. Yeah. I was just like, yeah, man. So what do you want me to say up there about you? What were you for? You were performing there? I was hosting. Oh, that's great. Who's out in Oxnard. That Liberty Light out there. I was just hosting the show. That's probably four years ago. Five years ago. Yeah. Wow. Who was featuring. But I just remember like it was a two show thing and it was like in between the two shows you were just eating Ahi tuna with your

shirt off. But bro, you had the shirt off today. Watching Christmas movies. Maybe I'm living wrong. Yeah, you could be. Maybe I'm living wrong. You could be wearing too many skins, man. That's maybe what it is. Yeah, my flight got canceled, dude. That kind of I always get, I always wonder when my flight gets canceled if that's God looking out for me or not. Yeah. I think my flight yesterday was an old plane. It had the TVs that stick out of the seat, like the brick ones that almost look like a thermostat a little bit. It's like a tan box. Yeah, it was Delta, but it was the pilot was pissed. I had my foot on the wall and he goes, that's not a very, he goes, that's not a very mature thing to do. Take your foot off. He said it like it was his plane, which look, I understand

he's flying that bitch by all means, but he said it like he like pulled it out of the garage. Like he was collector Delta 747. Well, it's also, that's a very subtle way of saying you're in first class also. I do want to say that. You know, you know, when you're flying first class from LA to Nashville, that's a, that's a $300 upgrade. And I was feeling myself first weekend back of, uh, you know, I was feeling myself a little bit. There's only one place on the plane you could put your foot on a wall or the very back, the stewardess. You just got it up on the coffee maker. Yeah, I mean, the stewardess is a getting fight. They're all on their phone out there listening and allowing you to watch and cocoa melon and shit. It's crazy. It's definitely a different

vibe out there now in the skies, you know, but you know, I, uh, I feel like they, nobody wanted to be there. The pilot was like pissed. He was there because somebody used, you know, a pilot's used the same front bathroom as everybody else. Oh yeah. They'd have one in the cockpit. It's so weird that, uh, my ex-girlfriend's dad was a pilot and they used to urinate into a jug up there. I think like a Folgers can would make sense. Well, that's probably old school, but like they're real old. Some guy brings a metal can to urinate. Yeah, but the Folgers now are plastic. So I feel like that's a banana. Yeah, it's not good for the environment. If a plane goes down, see, I just wonder is God looking out for me is like, like, could this plane go down? You know? No,

I feel that. Do you ever think that that could happen? Do you ever feel like, because when I was younger, it happened a lot. Getting canceled? Uh, getting canceled by God dying in a plane crash. I do. I had that fear yesterday because the pilot was, I've never seen a pilot piss. And he was an older gentleman. I've never seen somebody like mad, mad. And it's like, we're about to take off. You know, somebody, I'll moth a little bit or give him some CBD gummies because he was on one. And I was like, this is the guy in charge of the plane. You know, that's the guy. Everybody else is bullshit. Like think about how you drive. Right. Think about how you drive when you're having a tough day. You're, you're fucking, you see red lights as a suggestion. You're like, maybe.

So I'm like, on takeoff, I had this weird euphoric feeling. I was like, what if he just did a nose dot? What if, what if today's the day's like, you know, that is once, dude, think about a pilot. You really are. You're that, you, you really have the ability to say who, who, who, how many do you want, God? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? How many do you want, God? And also 10 dozen. Yeah. This asshole got his feet on the board. So let's take him out. Delta should be, who is the pilot's wife? How is she doing? That's what I'm saying. And care of them. They got to be treating these people. I salute pilots when I get off. I go, thank you for the flight. Cause everybody, nobody makes eye contact with the turning. They say, thank you to the flight attendants,

which I get that, but like the pilots are the, you know, like salute. I'll lean in there. And yes, I'll say, kiss him on the cheek. Good job. Fellows or ma'am. Yeah. Right. And I'll say that even at the same fellows or ma'am. And they know they don't know. And even the lady, if she's a female pilot, she wants to be called fella. She's got a little more gray hair than usual. You're like, I see what you're doing with that toupee. I see what you're doing. Some women just want to go so hard that you, they want you to call them ma'am. Right. But that's, I feel like pilots don't get enough credit. Also, if I was a pilot, I would be like, I would go on the intercom and be like, I sure would love some Starburst right now. And then I'd wait for somebody to be like,

come bring it up. And then if nobody does it, I'd be like, y'all want turbulence? Little fucking rattle, rattle? What do you think? Like, dude, once this guy, Dan Gilbert, you said the best joke. And he still has it. He said turbulence is a button that rich, that people in first class press. I wish I had that yesterday. I don't fuck with everybody back there. Row 23. Y'all awake yet? Or if you're playing those games where everybody in the plane can play and you win, you should be able to get a little remix them a little. Oh yeah. Just see what's going on. Start them up a little bit. Yeah. I always think that like, if my phone's not an airplane mode, like it's going to fuck some up. But then I've been on flights where I forget to

turn it off and it's the same flight. So that's something I want to know. Is airplane mode a hoax? You know, a lot of things have, I think they used to have like, probably, you know, back in the day, they probably, what was before that? Before airplane mode? Yeah. He's turned it off. Or, right, then they had air, like silent mode, because airplane mode is such a specific thing. I don't even know what it does. It just blocks calls. Yes, it's supposed to stop the signal, but nothing can stop the signal. My phone, I saw my phone the other night get up and get something to drink. My phone just get a Mountain Dew code red right now. Yeah, I don't know, but that's the

thing. I like, are you a superstitious guy? Oh yeah. So I'm like that too. Like before I take off, I'll be like, like, I won't turn my airplane mode back on until the wheels touch the ground, because I don't want to fuck up airwaves. You don't want to be in that bag. You know, I really like when I'm when I'm traveling. I like to have something on my feet. You know, you see some people do barefoot traveling. And most of these people are indigenous people or I don't want to say homeless, but could, you know, could be homeless. But all birds are what I like to wear when I fly. I like to have my all birds on. They just have a comfortable, it's a comfortable shoe. It's, it's classy, but it's also relaxing. It's like you're, it's almost like a, it's like

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Because I would rather that than like, you know, when you get, you like board the plane, like, oh, we got to work on the engine for like two to three hours. Like, that doesn't make me feel better. Like, just lie to me. Be like, the pilot had to go get some egg bites from Starbucks. Right. Like, when they're like, oh, we're working on the engine, we'll be good in a sec. Like, I don't want to know that. Yeah, but I, it used to be dicier. You would hear the dude in their work and you'd see a guy with an oil can. I remember one time. It said oil on it. Oh, yeah. He was a cartoon figure going on. And I don't want to know anything about like, like, I literally, I edit a lot of my videos on flights because I don't want to think about the fact that I'm like,

just in the air, like my phone dies and like, it's just like the TV on the planes, like not working. And all I have is my thoughts. That's the worst flight of my life. I'm just sitting there thinking. Really? I'm just, I have a lot of anxiety in that sense of like, you know, you childhood was that we didn't have because they didn't have phones. Yeah. I mean, I don't the fuck I did growing up probably like Sudoku puzzles or some dumb shit or like made it tic-tac-toe. But like, I, like, I need to do something. So I don't think about the fact that I'm just like in the sky. Right? It's, yeah. Yeah. I guess it's interesting. I guess part of the thing of a flight is to try to trick people. You think they try to trick you more to thinking that you're in the sky, like on the

inside of the windows draw, have like a forest or something. Or like a glass bottom floor. Just like put like one aisle, just one aisle and you get to pay extra for it. Like row 13, you're just going to see below you. That's kind of hard. In the fucking flight with the feet. One time we were landing somewhere and it was a prop plane, right? So it was just a small plane. Oh, the connecting flight ones are scary. Yeah. It was a real small one. So you see the propellers, something hit down, bounce down the side of the plane. Oh, no. Oh, it was great because there's only a couple of things it could be. You're in the air, you know, bird, bird, alien, Kevin. Yeah. Smaller plane person, you know, loose person, skydiver.

Yeah. So I'm like, what? So everybody's like, you know, some guys like, I know what it is. There's always some guy, always some guy who looks over and like, yeah, that's actually just the tropical storm of the stratosphere. Yeah. Wives like, shut up, Henry. It's four Jack Daniels bottles spilling out from this waste. So did you ever find out what it was? We got out, bro, and no joke in the front. In one of the rotors, right? There was a bird thing mangled like wings. Enough of a wing. Enough of one. Or you knew what happened. Oh, it was like a mallard. No, no, it was bigger than that. I would think it was probably Pelican or. Damn. I mean, yeah, because usually to rattle the plane, but I will say some of those connecting flights where you

got to like, you land in like Seattle, but you got to go to Spokane and it's one of these like mountainy flights. Yeah. And you can still see the propeller on. It's like an uncovered propeller. You ever seen one of those? Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Right. This was one where something got, you know, part of me wonders because I felt us go off course, a little part of me wonders if one of the old dogs up there was like, you know what? I'm about to, well, no, I'm going to hit. Oh, oh, he's like, I'm done. Because how hard would it be if you're having a bad day? You're taught, you know, and you're just a mallard. Your wife's doing something, you know, it's something with your husband because there's a lot of gay pilots now, too, which I'm fine with it, but it's

just like, do we know enough about their relationships to know if a guy can, if something goes bad? Like, I feel like we know enough where like, if a straight man in a straight relationship, if something gets real bad, the guy, there's been enough study where he's maybe not going to crash. Is a gay dude or gay woman just going to be like, you know, I just. I would love to see a pilot with a mood ring on it, you know, but like when they don't know about, when they don't know about, but if I walk on and it's like blue or green, I'm like, okay, they're feeling all right, but it's like bright red or yellow. Yeah. We might need, might need to delay this a few hours. Go get some, some chamomile or something. Would these, there should be intel

on the, so you can look even on the app, it's like, hey, you know, uh, like, you know, Samuel, Rhonda, whoever the pilot is. Who's flying it? Yeah. How are we doing? Yeah, because even on Uber, it says like their favorite activities, the parks, favorite sports team, I want to know more about the pilot. Yeah. Also, I think like, you know, I'm sure they have a lounge for pilots, but like they should have like the Delta Sky Club should be four pilots. Right. Like just place where they can just post up, crush a couple of Michelobes. I don't know, but the, I, uh, I don't know if you can ring. I know. Okay. One. Yeah. Or a non-alcoholic one, just to feel like they're doing something. Yeah. Just to give them that like, that edge mentally. Well, actually,

they're mine. I don't know, man. Now you got me wanting it. Yeah. Just one. Because I bet if I'm a pilot, there's no way some of them aren't drinking, man. One of my ex-girlfriend's dad, my childhood girlfriend, dad was a pilot or he had a couple of extra families and everything dude. He had like, it was crazy, bro. He was really just, you know, being the best pilot you could be. Oh yeah. If I'm going to be landing, if I'm sleeping here after a year. Yeah. He's pumping. Yeah. I'm, I'm having some kids. Yeah. Well, I've met people at my shows. Yeah. Like on like a Friday night, they're all like a little hammered. Yeah, man. We're all pilots at the local airport and they're all like hammered. Hammered. And I'm like, they're not going to be hammered in the morning, but like

a little hungover, a little on edge. Yeah. Because here's the thing. You can't assume that pilots have a magical power. Right. Maybe they do. Maybe part of going through the air force and going through flight school, they're like, they start to weed out the people who have really bad hangovers. I bet they do. Yeah. Can you be hungover and in the military? Yeah. That's the military. It's just called the military. But I just feel like they just plow right through mentally. You know, they just go, who raw? And they're fucking beat the shit out of that hangover. I don't know. They got it though. They, they have the hangover to beat the shit out of that. But they just cruise right past it. Yeah. Um, what, do you, I, I, you don't strike me in a,

I don't mean this to be offensive to you, but you don't strike me as the kind of guy that would survive in a plane crash type of scenario. You are correct. I don't think I would do well. I was thinking about that yesterday. I'm finally, if I'm going down, what am I doing? Am I dapping up the homie next to me? What am I doing? Am I reaching a couple of rows back just to tell an elderly man like, thank you for your service? I don't know. Thank you for your service. Being old. Putting up with millennials. I just got out of jail. He's probably, he's a pedophile. He's got out of jail. Yeah. A teardrop tattoo. Uh, yeah. I don't think I would do well. I mean, I don't think I would do well in a lot of tough scenarios, you know? Really? But say you crash,

right? You crash. Yeah. What is some of your first moves when you're on the ground? These are, these are the things you got. Oh, we're, we're make, like, you're not on impact. I'm not splat. You crash. Okay. But I am alive, but like I'm a little mangled. You're alive. You're probably, you're doing a, no, how about this? You're pristine. Okay. Big word. People are like, Oh, I look good. Like fine. I mean, literally like every movie action hero. I have like one star right here. Yeah. You're almost like better than when you went in. I looked like that. Doing the, the insurance commercials. What's the name? Oh yeah. Yeah. Um, guys name. What first thing I'm doing. Damn. All state guy. Oh, uh, it's like danger. Something cool.

Yeah. Danger. Danger. Rick or something. Guy's hot. First thing I would do, what do you do? Cause this is, it's important. The first thing you do is important because you're on an island. You guys, there's no police coming for probably a couple of weeks. Wow. First thing I'm doing. Um, right. Checking my phone. No, that's not honest. You could check it. This, that's not, that's done. The worst is it's going to be some idiot on the beach the whole time, like trying to get their phone to work. Like holding up at the sun. Yeah. Shaking it. Like asking a stewardess, can I get more coffee? The stewardess doesn't have an arm. Does anybody, yeah. Anybody got boost mobile? Nobody has. Nobody has boost mobile in general.

Realistically, I think I would probably try to get the youngest people out of the plane at the crash first, but even that's weird. You're on an island yelling for babies. Well, cause they have the most potential in life. Isn't cause, or you say seniors and ladies first, I think. Is it? I think so. Unless it's changed. Maybe this is where the difference I think in just like, and this is where things are changing. It's like, save the baby. Yeah, but you can't just be young. Where's the kids at? Little weird in 2022. Where's the kids? The first thing you land you go, where's the kids at? They're like, all right, you should. Not if you just salute the guy behind you. That's the first thing you say. You salute and say, where's the kids at? I don't know.

What do you, who do you say them first? What's the first thing you're doing? The first thing you gotta do is be able to provide food for everybody. Where? Oh, like on the island? Yeah, Trevor. Okay. The first thing you have to be able to do is provide food for everybody because people need to know if you're a leader or not. That's true. Cause if you're not a leader out of the gate, then I think you're, you risk, you take on a lot of risk. I don't think you need to be like insane alpha. No, you know, you don't want to fake it. You take the shirt off. I'll probably take your shirt off or I'd rip the shirt off just to assert dominance, maybe just one sleeve or something. No, I think if you're going to, here's what you don't want to happen. You don't want to try to

rip your shirt off and you can't get it all. Can't do it. I've seen that happen at many frat parties. It always, it always is caught on the collar part. Cause it's different stitching up there. Well, yeah. And the collar won't break. Yeah. People are like, yeah. And then they just like pretend like that was their plan the whole time. Yeah. We know you're doing Thorben. We know you're doing it off already. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I think, um, do you got to feed everybody? So the first thing you have to get is probably you're going to have to get some small ground game. So you're going to want to do probably squirrel is easy to hunt. Pheasant is one of the easiest things to peasant is. Oh, pheasant is really easy. If you've just cut a crop or something,

pheasants will, I know what a pheasant is, but also what is a pheasant? I've seen them little bitches, but they, um, they're like not squirrels, but they're not chipmunks. A pheasant is a bird. Oh, it's a bird. So you're not, it's a small bird. It's a small chicken. I grew up in California my whole life. I don't understand that. I know pigeons and seagulls. Oh, dude. Oh, these little guys. Oh yeah. These bitches are legit, baby. They're basically like a Mexican. They're almost a kind of Mexican. Uh, they all have a nice little like diamond chain on it. They got a little like I mean, they look like one of the, you know, like the Mexican guy that comes in with the like the, uh, uh, mariachi. Yes. That's what they, they seem like they have that sort of,

they look fast circumstance about. Are they not fast? I feel like catching that would be a little hard. Uh, pheasants are one of the easiest things to catch. If you are, if you're stuck somewhere and you need to cook for people, I already, I can tell if you, you're going to be like more of a sous chef. You're going to be like the guys. I do coconuts because they can't move. Yeah. Birds got legs and wings. Coconuts, none of those. They're just chilling. They don't really have an option. Yeah. So coconuts is good. You can get some coconuts. I think another thing you could prepare for people if you want or capture form, squirrels. Um, what else is something that's easy? Rabbits is a little trickier than you would think.

If you could get turtle, that's an easy thing where you're going to have to be able to get it open. Yeah. Or you just use a turtle shell to like shop a coconut bag on them. You don't hurt the turtle, but you use it back as like a, uh, cutting board. Yeah. You can't be the guy who's like, let's don't hurt the turtle in a plane crash. You got a 2022 man. That's me. That's our millennials. We're pussy. It's for like, let's get the turtle, but let's not. Like I'll sacrifice a coconut shell, but I'm using it for shoes after I need to use everything. Yeah. I'm the stationary guy right there, right there. Look at that. And that dove is a beautiful bird, man. I saw, I've actually had dove. They had two brothers live by me at my old apartment complex and they was always grilling

dove outside. Grilling dove? I thought doves were always white. No. Um, what are the ones they release of? No, those are church dove, that funeral dove. Where do those birds go after funerals? You're also talking. They just let them go and they just, do they like track them down? There's usually a handler that's like about probably a quarter mile away and they fly to that guy. Oh, really? Yeah. There's a guy usually parks at like a, and they know. A strip mall or whatever. They got like a, it's all a, my iPhone type type thing. I don't know if they have that. They used to have homing pigeons where, oh yeah. Um, Bobby Kennedy was on and he talked about when he was a kid, they would take homing pigeons and they would put them on the train and they would ask

the conductor to let them go, let them go when they got to like Virginia, you know. And then whoever's homing pigeon flew back first, that's who won. It was like him and his buddy. Wow, they're a tough mutter, but for the sky. Yeah. I mean, they've been doing this forever that carry your pigeons. Birds are great at this. Birds have always been a master. You need to prepare a dove for somebody. You know how to cook a dove? Grilling, I guess. You could grill, yeah. I think it'd be easiest. Probably gonna have to have fire. Squirrel. What is this animal? Easiest, oh, this article is easiest animals to hunt for a beginner. That's you. His eye. Dove, squirrel. There you go, pheasant coming in there. Oh, there we go. What does it say there, pheasant

or excellent game bird? That bird only has one leg. He's all ready to take out. You just play, you want to play a game of hopscotch and then he just falls over and he's throwing a chokehold. Oh yeah, that bird is ready to party. What are pheasants? They're just homies of chickens, they're just in that same realm. You know what, that's a great statement and let me see right there. Homies of chickens. Is that actually what Webster's dictionary says? Remember to be patient and have fun with your hunting adventure. Hunting pheasant is a great pastime. It's especially fun to do with your children if you're getting them into hunting at an early age. There you go. 11 people downvoted that. So that's 11 people who had a tough time,

pheasants, aka me. If you go to the article, 11 people downvoted it. So I was one of them. But 38 were like, fuck yeah, thumbs up, brother. No, they put easy to hunt. That's what they're asking. Oh, yeah, but that's 11 people that were like, it was a top Tuesday. Yeah. So let's go down a little bit more raccoon. I can see that. They're already in the trash can. You just close the lid and they're kind of done for. Yeah, but then you have to be willing to set fire outside of the can and watch them and let them burn in it. It's kind of like that using that green egg. Like a traeger. Yeah. Do you ever use that? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was great. The traeger type or the little pellets. Yeah. I mean, that's definitely a white, that's a white trash

traeger right there. Boy, you set fire outside of a garbage can as a raccoon in it. I mean, you're eating in two hours, but it is. It's got a good season. It's kind of like a cast iron in there. You know, all the different years and years of food and seasons in there. That's a good point, man. Not bad. That's a really good point. And let's look at animal number five, two to see what animal was. Duck. Ducks make sense. Bread. All you need. Duck is basically a mentally handicapped bird. Let's be honest. I mean, because birds are supposed to be flying and you see some sitting in the water. Yeah. It's almost like if you ran up on a couple dudes. Like bobbing for apple, but with your fists. Yeah. I think you ran up on a couple dudes. They're sitting in the water.

You're like, oh, these dudes coming in like. I feel like birds are almost looking for it. Ducks are. Ducks. Sorry. Yeah. Birds in general. And that's enough. I don't want to know all of them. Let's don't see all of them. I want to save some for the people at home. Well, just to thank for myself too. I don't want to. Some of them are like knowing. You don't want to see that animal in public and be like, that's a seven right there. I'm going to go for it. Well, yeah. And we know when we know enough now to either be able to survive or not. I think lizards would be number D. But there's not enough to catch. There's not enough meat on them. Could you do it though? You think you could survive it? No. I don't think. Damn. I mean,

there's only so many. You know when you're hard. I'm asking you seriously. I mean, I would give it a solid try. But you know, I get mad if my coffee is too hot at Starbucks. That's not the type of guy who's going to make it and wield it. Right. You know, and you got to be willing to sacrifice somebody immediately. The first thing you need to do is take somebody else's life in order to show that you are dominant. Yeah, I don't think so. Because I remember one time I was really drunk in college and I tried to fight a guy and I went to go smash a glass bottle and the glass bottle didn't break. So I don't think that I would. That was my you're like, I'm just recycling. That was my t-shirt tear. It didn't break. And after that, you know, I play that back in my head

a lot when I think about alpha situations, manly shit. And I just don't think, you know, I would give it a good go. But I would piggyback on other people like I would become friends with the guy who could catch a boar. Right. And then I'd be like, bro, I got the cranberry sauce. Hey, Darren. Yeah, exactly. I'm bringing like accents. Yeah. Oh, you need coconuts? Bro, let me get a lamb chop for a coconut. Right, right. Let me trade. Let me do some here. Right. I mean, so yeah, you would definitely you would have more of a skill set of a, um, I'll like shout people out on Instagram probably, but I'll shout you out for, you know, a couple of weeks. I mean, you could chisel it into a tree. Like that when I was a when I was like real young, that was our Instagram was like

writing, you know, right? Love, you know, raw, you know, that was an Instagram story. You just like put a lock on a fence with your initials and you're like, the was here. It was crazy. Different people do that. People do put locks on what do they do? The initials of them and like a lover and put it on like a bridge. Yeah. Hmm. You ever done that? I've never done that. I'm trying to think of was there a young thing that you did when you were a child, like a young love, like some like thing you guys did together, like name, um, Oh, bro, I got one. What is it in my, my old hometown room on the ceiling. There's like those little like neon, like glow in the dark stars. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they're still there, but and they should be the best is when they're still there when

you're 30. Oh, bro, I was back over the holidays. You turn the lights off, smoke a little bit of that kush and you look up and you're like, is that motherfucking Orion's belt? He's the ceiling fan. But when I was younger in like sixth grade, I would like name the stars after the girls I crushes. I'll be like, that's Krista. And, and that like, you know, you're listening to me like it was fucking pussy, but that like, like, there was something about that that I was, I just, it brought me, it was like hearing goodies by Sierra for the first time every time. That was one thing that I, that I, that I think I would, that I did. You got anything like that? I got, there was this girl Chrissy that I was in love. I don't know if I was in love with her, but she lived close enough for

me to be horny about, which was the same thing. You know what I'm saying? But I was, oh, I don't remember just everything about her just, just God made just, just made seeming want to climb out of my body. You know, I didn't want to take a peek. Oh, like a gopher seen if his groundhog's there or not. Oh, you'd probably hear a seaman just come up to the top of my tongue and just look out. Crawl back down. Or they go get that home. He's like, you got to see this. Yeah, let's ride homey. Let's ride. And did you just thought about her or, or you, you guys, I was in love with her. I was in love with her. And you went on a couple of dates with her. We were children. You didn't have dates. They didn't have any. Play date. Huh? Play date. No, no, no, no. We live near,

there's no play dates in my fucking neighborhood, dude. People were getting molested. So I lived in various suburban town. It's way different, dude. Play dates. You know, this guy down the street used to bang this substitute teacher that lived in our neighborhood, this kid basically was 16. Yeah. And then he would chase us around in the church, like field with his car in his car, try to hit us. And that was a date right there. That was a play date. Yeah. So basically this dude was getting molested by an older woman. And then since we called him out, like, uh, he would try to run over. So he just turned that bitch into Grand Theft Auto. Just a little bit. Yeah, it was like, yeah, there was no play date going on.

Yeah, I feel that one kid that drooled all the time that we would all kind of spend time with. But I think that was more like a cry for help, I think, than anything. But, um, what was I going to tell you about? Oh, so, oh, but I was in love with this girl, Chrissy. But God, and I remember she had part of her tooth was chipped out, you know, you had that little baby Lloyd Christmas on, you know, and I remember always looking for pieces of rock or shell when I was like outside of the schoolhouse, like when they had, uh, oh, all the gravel. Yeah. Trying to find one that would be like the Cinderella story. Yeah. Did you ever find one? That glass slipper. Yeah. Uh, I found a couple. I remember collecting

five or six that were pretty close. Yeah. And I showed her one time, somebody locked us in a room like, you guys need to get in there. You know, just some, you know, like even better rocks. Probably some local 40 year old. Same guy driving around in the car. Bro, there was so many creeps, man. And did any of them fit or no? Or did she like take any of them? Or was she like, yeah, I gave them all to her. I think she thought it was sweet. I would. I think it's sweet. You know, I put it on a pukashell necklace. Oh, I'd have had that ability to make them necklace kids, you know? Yeah. That was always, if somebody, if a girl likes somebody, a lot of

time they would get that necklace kid and put the thing randy, you know, and spell it out. And you get that thing that. We had a dumb one where if you take the inside of like an aquafina water bottle, the cap, it's like a plastic and you're like, you can make the plastic of wristband. And the weird joke was like, if they put it on you and it broke, you had to like make out with them. Oh, so you were always praying to break. You like tensing up your knuckles, sneeze extra hard. Oh, fuck. I guess we got to make out and home back. But yeah, the inside of an aquafina cap is like a little rubber thing. You can poke out the center, make a little wristband. But you see a kid, like maybe a guy who like probably a couple of like misdemeanors now,

he would have like three wristbands on him growing up and you're like, got some plus this morning. That was, yeah, I feel like growing up was always just a way to flex, you know, just like having a girl wear your football jersey. You know, you walk to school with a Hickey. Everybody wore tank tops on Hickey Day. We caught two dudes sucking on each other's neck, doing fake Hickeys on each other one time before school. Yeah. Damn. But had they not got caught, they would have fucked each other. Yeah, maybe. I mean, those dudes are straight legends. In case you haven't heard, car and home insurance is important. You got to ensure, you know, just to wait. You could hedge your bets and assume it won't get stolen or damaged, but that's risk.

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blue chew for sponsoring the podcast. Do you think in the future, I think in the future, everybody, do you feel like more everybody's just going to be just kind of ambussextrous like everybody just going to be? Yeah, I think it's going to be a charcuterie board of fucking. It's a little bit of everything. Yeah, I like that. I like some of this. If I'm drunk, a little bit of that. Right. I'm high. I don't want anything. Yeah, I just want myself. Yeah, I mean, it's just like, I feel like that's where it definitely because I think you used to need just men and women to do sex because you needed reproduced life needed reproduction. Right. But now they got enough people. Got enough that that that box is checked. And I mean, I just I found out about

what a surrogate was a year ago. And what do you mean by that? Like when somebody else holds your baby for you. This is a true thing. I said it on my podcast, but I I thought stiff socks. Stiff socks, baby. Yes, sir. But I thought the dude, like, like, let's say Miranda is the surrogate. She's gonna hold the baby. I thought the dad, like, put it in. I thought he like fucked her. But it's not that at all. They just shoot it up in there with like a, you know, not a syringe, but a syringe type of field. So you thought the dad went though dad and wife out of a strange woman and the dad went out. I was like, why wouldn't you want to surrogate? That's fucking. Well, it would save you one bone, baby. Why wouldn't you? If you can get your wife

to agree, you're going to save a lot of money. Because otherwise, it's like 110 grand, I think, to go to a center. Yeah. Drop it off. The whole thing. But I then that dude goes over there and does it. Yeah. And what a grief that. Right. But that's also just weird. I mean, and if you are a surrogate baby, turn up. But it is weird to nut into a cup and be like, my son or daughter's in there. And then you just hope. But I mean, that's the same thing as seeing a pregnant woman. You're like, Hey, there's a there's a kid in there. Well, I think we're good. We are getting past the days where someone's going to carry their own child. Yeah. That's getting weird. Like I think by the time I have grandchildren, and I don't even have any children, I'm also fucking lonely. But by the

time someone who knows me is younger, they would be very weird to be like, Hey, look at this picture of when I was in my month. I think that's starting. It's going to be you're going to be in a center where you're going to be completed. It'll be like you don't need a iPhone charger to plug into the wall every day. You got a portable. So you can be like, I got a portable stomach that I can just have a kid in. Yeah. Which, you know, can you take the carpool lane with that? Probably. But gestation. Now, if you love gestation, you could be like, Oh, I'm old fashioned. I'm going to have me a child. Right. And people are like, people that still roll their own cigarettes. You know, it'd be same type of people. Yeah, I still it is mind blowing to me that the body hasn't been like,

uh, like, give me, let me get a part two. Like how we agree. We got new iPhones every other goddamn day. But how do I not have a drink holder in my hands that aren't my hands? And I know my everyone's like, Oh, your hands. But like, sometimes you're holding enough shit. You're bringing up stuff in the car. You're like, I need a, I need a fucking a big gulp right here. You know, something to hook in between two of my ribs. Right. Exactly. Why do we got to sleep for eight hours every night? You know, where's the USB C charger? I can just plug in my ass. Right. Get going. We're getting close, man. You know, some stuff seems a little dated. We used to have tales as humans, huh? Did we really? I believe so. Oh, wow. And then just

over time. So I'm wondering in the future, over time, what are we not going to have? What are we going to lose? Well, I think at that point, you start to look at aliens, man. And you look at aliens and they're always the creature has big eyes, big brain or big head, you know, cavern head. And, uh, which was a nickname of some kid at our school too. When I was a kid, actually. Yeah. And he wasn't doing real well. He passed away. So he wasn't smart enough for God to keep alive. But he was, you know, he was, I guess he was kind of handsome when they fucking dressed up, but, um, a lot of fedoras on that boy. Oh, dude, I went to the school and I had the craziest door, but they had a lot of the special way kids dress up in suits one year to

like, to like one, like there was a new teacher and he's like, we're going to have all the boys are going to wear suits and it was just like, it was just crazy. Just to like impress the teachers. Just to like, like, why are the special like kids all in suit? Like it was like, did you want to suit the next day? Uh, it, I mean, I think it hyped the game. It definitely hyped a little bit of fashion at school. Yeah. So that was good. But I don't, I just think that overall, I don't know if it was like, you know, it was just kind of a weird move for them to do. But, um, anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, isn't that girl human tails? What are we going, what are we going to have in the future though? Oh, I'll tell you this. Oh, so, so aliens,

if you look at it, if you look at aliens, how many humans are born with a tail 40 ever or like 40 cases. So how many is that 40 times to what 24? So that's a hunt 288. That's per year. There's 40 days. No, it's more than. If you're born with a tail, you keeping it? Now I am. Yeah. I think 20 years ago you said no. Yeah. You know, take it off. Yeah. I mean, they'd fucking burn you at the stake or a witch dude. Well, back in the day, I think it was a real bad look, but now it's more like, you know, next, you'll be in a video with Willow Smith in an hour. Yeah. That could also be the extra hand I'm looking for, you know, fucking Karen in your groceries on that bitch. Using it. Yeah. What if your tail could just part your hair for you?

That'd be great, bro. Now, what about this though? Um, what are we talking about? Oh, I think if you look at aliens, the head, the eyes are big. Mm hmm. The thing, their hands and legs, there's nothing even to them. Like, look at aliens, but it's always just like this long gray. It's not even usable. It's kind of just, it's like they didn't finish drawing. Right. And it's like they just don't use them anymore. The Simpsons only got four fingers. Is that true? Yeah. People think that's for like, you know, animation. No, it's just laziness. Wow. I fucking forgot to put one on. Because that's the last thing you draw. Nobody's gonna

start an animation with hands. That's insane. Start with hands. So what is it? What do you mean? Like, like, you know, you start drawing an anim, like of a person with their face and then you work down. Oh, yeah. The hands are the last thing you draw. It doesn't even matter if it's free. Oh, yeah. They got three middle and then one, one thumb. But I like that. It's kind of cool. You know, I mean, what do you really need? I mean, some of these could go. Which, which, which finger are you taking off first? Pinky. Oh, hold on. I would take this third finger out. Is that the ring finger? Yeah. That's a ring finger.

Yeah. That's gonna make it real hard for a girl to be like, you're trying to, you're trying to be forever. And you're like, I can't. I would, but the Lord told me not to. That is funny. My grandpa didn't have that finger. He got cut. He worked in a sawmill in, in Ohio and he was like doing something down the line, nipped it right off. Dude, my grand, my dad had part of his finger was taken off. Somebody slammed a door on that hard. Yeah. Crazy. And doors, that was back when doors were a lot more made out of like lead and shit, just healthier doors. But my school teacher also is missing this part of his finger. Listen, what happened to him? It was his ring. He was at the, at a baseball game for his son.

And it hooked on the bleachers and he stood up. Oh, no. Hold his finger. Well, whatever the play was, must've been good to stand up. That's a RBI right there. That's dedicated to yelling and screaming. Yeah. Something right there. You know, just get up for it. Well, maybe it could have been a bad play too. Like, what the fuck, ref? Lost the finger. But all. Yeah. What are we just talking about again? What, what mutation on a human do you think you could be good with and without in the future? Finger? Lose one? Well, just when you look at aliens, it's mostly just the head and eyes. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. So at that point, it's just become this data center.

Gotcha. The rest of these things are things you don't even use anymore. And I think that's what a lot of things are becoming. It's like, if you go to the store, there's just self-checkout. There's only two dudes in there now. Yeah. You know, it used to be a lady working as a nice and now it's two dudes in there. You know, one of them's always hitting on the other one. Right. Not into it. Yeah, they're gonna see him work. They're just wearing a blimpy T-shirt. I wear the fuck. Yeah, what, I mean. Does it make sense to you? What's the thing you can take out of your body? You don't need a liver. Yeah. Yeah. That esophagus, bitches in the back. What do they call it? Throat. I don't know. Throat. You're tonsils. tonsils. There's so much stuff you don't need.

But what, but what I'm wondering is, but that's what I feel like aliens are just people that if aliens, they just come back to visit Earth and like, oh, this place is a dump. And then they jet. I think they, it's almost like if your parents took you to like, what would be like this shittiest place? All the Boulevard to the library. Libraries up there. Like if you go to the library, now you walk in there. It's like two homeless dudes, you know, coming on each other probably. Harry Potter books open, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Open bro. But the Chamber of Secrets is, is something looking in his own ass over in the periodicals, you know, like basically. I'd stay for that. Okay. You'd stay and look around. Take your kid in there to say, Hey, look, this is what

it used to be. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Right. I'm going to go film this and send us a world star. Take a license for $62. But that's what aliens are now. That's why they're not staying and hanging out. They're basically stopping by like the oldest civilization. There's like, there's so many more hype civilizations out there. 100%. What's the first city you think aliens would visit in the US? Like if they're like, bro, you're going to Earth, got to go. Or like, they would probably go to Tokyo for sure. I think you got it yet because they're aliens, dude. They're like really hyped up and Asians are probably the closest to aliens. I think that that's, that's kind of even they know it. I think if an Asian person sees an alien,

they don't even, I feel like they don't even tell you. That's probably why that's the home. That's what I'm saying, dude. So yeah, if you dialed in like that, then. What place in America you think they would go? Like what city do you think they would just like? America? Yeah, but like on a vacation. Like, you know, when people are just like, oh, you got to go down. Coming here anymore, Trevor, that's what I'm trying to tell you. They're not coming. It's like, imagine if your parents kept taking you to the shit. It's almost like, I'm going to take you to, you know, trying to think of a place. Or when they first started out, do you think they were like, you got to go down to PCB? When they first started out, I bet, yeah, San Diego probably was really cool to see.

I bet New York City was probably pretty good. But the buildings are so tall, nobody can even see the aliens when they can't land them. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't even land them. So it's almost like you want to get in a more rural area. Santa Fe, New Mexico. Pennsylvania. Branton. Pennsylvania is basically just a woodwork. It's basically like, it's kind of like the Santa Fe of the east. You know, I think, you know, I don't know. Yeah, it's very calm. I don't know if anybody's ever yelled at Pennsylvania. That's a lot. People do. You think they wake up and they just go, fuck. That's some pretty good shows. Dude, one of my favorite shows is out there on Wilkes Viara, Pennsylvania. Yeah. Well, I mean, you got Pittsburgh. You got some good cities out there.

So. Oh, yeah. Pennsylvania is pretty sick, man. You got the Dutch. You got the Amish. Out there. They're full on. Dude, you see 100% Amish out there. Now, what, where are you going on your tour? I know you got a tour coming up. I do. Dude, I'm actually starting in New Orleans. Oh, I'm excited for that. Yeah. Which is interesting because I've never heard anything about New Orleans for comedy. Yeah. I don't know. I don't have anything to tell you. But you're a Louisiana boy. Yeah. Yeah. But they just don't have a, it's not a real comedy place, you know. Yeah. I will say out of all the ticket sales, out of the, it's like a 28 city thing. It's like a big thing that the place is selling the least. Nala, baby. Yeah. Because they're like,

I don't give a shit. I'm sucking crawfish right now. Right. They're doing other stuff. That's the thing about New Orleans. You'll hear just as much funny stuff from your neighbor. You'll hear. Yeah. There's just so many good stories and so much like there's more about music. It's a real city of like revelry. Yeah. And to stop into a place and watch some guy tell jokes is very foreign to New Orleans. I can see that. And their style. I think you said it best. It's like they already have enough shit going on. It's like you got to go to a random place to really, you know, Grand Rapids. You got to go there. But for New Orleans, like there's always shit popping off. I need a good belly laugh. I mean, look, if you're in New Orleans, come on out. But it's

kind of all over. You know, I'm kind of doing all over the US, a lot of Florida, St. Louis, Ohio, fucking Portland, Seattle. It's just like 28 cities. That's awesome. I congratulate. Thanks, man. It's my first like big like tour tour. The rest have just been like kind of little one-offs here and you know, just the typical weekends at clubs. But yeah, this one is cool, man. I'm really excited for it. What? Do you have a name for it? Yeah. The are you that guy tour? Oh, yeah. Because people always say that. Yeah. I mean, it's just like it kind of started as like a joke that my friends will say like at a bar because like I love drinks is my like hometown friends because they don't give a shit about any of this stuff. They still remember when I got caught on

a chain link fence trying to hop it in like ninth grade. That's happening to me when I was in love. Oh, oh, with the barber. You know, I was stuck on a fence. We missed a UFC fight. We're supposed to watch that night because I got stuck on a fence for like an hour and a half. I just didn't, I couldn't commit. But that they'll bring that shit up. One time I tried to jump over a bush and I tripped on the bush hedge like I ran and just fell face first and a lady driving by in a car goes, that's gotta hurt. And they still said to this day, I'm like, that's gotta hurt. So I love drinking with them. But whenever we go out, a lot of times, safe area, y'all were in, huh? Oh, yeah. People were driving speed limits. That's not like safe shit. Yeah. No, very safe.

Hedges. This was in front of a Ralph's. Yeah. You know, yeah, I remember people betting on how many dogs, baby dogs, and people would be out there betting. Yeah, we had a lot of shit like at the dentist. You guess how many jelly beans were in the mason jar and you got like free dentistry. It was like that shit like that. So a lot of times like to drink with them because somebody will like the most common thing is like a lot of people know the face, but they might not know the name. It's like, oh, I've seen a video of yours before, but they don't know the name. So it's a lot of like, oh, are you that guy? Are you that guy? Right. And then it kind of just like, I think it's a cool way to have like a narrative behind the tour name. You know, I think it's like

at first I was like, I don't really care. It doesn't matter what the tour name is. But I think it is cool if you can have kind of a overall theme of it. So I talk a little bit about it in my stand up about being like just like, you know, people, they know the face, but they don't know the name. What does that mean? And people all the time think I'm Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback. I get tagged in his shit. Whenever they have a shitty game, people DM me. I've called you that this week. You know, saying to somebody, Trevor Lawrence. Yeah. Somebody called me Trevor Noah before. That's kind of cool. Cause it is nice. That's progressive, man. That is. You got to get out there. So, you know, there's like three important

Trevers in the world and I might be half of one of them. So I think it's just a cool overall theme, you know, of just being like, you know, it's the video stuff is great, but you know, I've been doing stand up for like nine years now, eight, nine years. So it's like, you know, this, this, it's like a different lane. It's different from videos, but it's just, you know, just good, good shit, good time. That's cool, man. Yeah, congrats, man. Yo, we worked on a show out in, where are we in New Jersey? Oh yeah, fucking. Remember those two shows at night during COVID, wasn't it? Yeah, it was at a horse track. Red Bank, New Jersey, Red Ocean. Red Bank. Yeah, those were, those were interesting. Those were good shows. It was just so, it was just such a weird

setup. Yeah, it was wild setup in the second one. It was cold. I remember getting a little really cold, really cool. Yeah, that was a year ago. That was middle COVID. That was heat COVID. It was, it was definitely over a year ago, because it was in, it was like October or November. I remember I was doing dates out there, but we did do that, man. Yeah, that was a, that was a good time. But I just remember, that was the first time I really sat in a crowd to watch a stand-up show, was to watch a set after, because I feel like as, as a company, you kind of just do your shit and you sit in the back. But when was the last time you just sat in the middle of a crowd and just was like, I'm going to just enjoy it for what it is. Yeah. As much different, you know.

It is different. Well, you start to see what people are even, some people, you see also they want to be there. They start to know the guy. Like I watched a show at Brennan Shaw's not long ago. And I was like, oh, a lot of these people were happy just to see him, because they see him on video. They see him on, you know. And it's like a lot of audience, they just want to come. It really is like a showing of support. Like watching with a smile almost. Right. It's like, yeah, I think this, they might be like, I think this guy's funny. They might think this guy's my favorite comedian. But there's also this other separate thing that it's just like, I want to be there with this person. Right. You know. And it was also cool

of giving me more assurance because after that show, I was talking to you and you're kind of like, yeah, it was all right. It was a little like, you felt a little like shaky on it. But I was sitting in the crowd. I was like, you know, everybody was laughing the whole time. So sometimes, you know, you forget you're in an outside, this was outside of super spaced out, but every table had their their laughs. Yeah. But you know, you said you're like, I was okay. I was like, no, you were crushing the whole time. But it's weird. It's weird to think when you're up there that you might not be doing well. But then you, you put yourself in the crowd and you're like, oh, it was great. Yeah. So it was cool to just be in the middle of it, kind of just watching.

That was fun. Yeah, I'll, I'll, for some reason, I always feel like I didn't do good. I think because I just hold, I always want to do great. Yeah. But that means you care about the craft. Every, I mean, like maybe like twice in my life, I've gotten off stage and be like, oh, I'll fucking crush. It just sounds weird to get off and be like, I'm the man, you know. So yeah, something I wish I had more of that in me that I think it would do me well. Yeah. But there's definitely times you get off and you're like, oh, no, that was a good set. But I would never like out loud be like, oh, fucking murder that shit. It just sounds crazy. Because then somebody else is like, all right, seven minutes. Yeah. But if a, if a woman hears it, the like,

that guy's a kid, you know, I'm gonna start saying it. I'm gonna say this weekend. Yeah, murder that shit. I don't know. I just feel like coming up in the open mic scene, you would hear somebody be like, oh, I fucking crushed. And then you like, watch your set. And you're like, right, asterisk, maybe what does that mean? So you just kind of like, yeah, I don't want to, I don't know, maybe I think it's just an artist thing to always think you can do. Right. Every time I post a video, I'm like, put it on this, put it on that. Every time I get upset, I'm like, put it on this. Something's wrong in my head. I wake up in the morning and I'm like, fuck, man, you could do better than that. Just so can you wake up every day?

That's it. Just look in the mirror. Oh, it's a negative start, brother. Positive affirmations. Some people wake up and they're like, you can do this. You are all holy. You are God. And you're just looking in the mirror, man. Fuck. Brick. Yeah. Fucking Steve Rock. Strike on a Tuesday. Right out of the gate, but it's good. But some days, some days it gets better. What else was I going to ask you about, dude? Oh, I saw you at Simon Rex's movie premiere. Yeah. Simon Rex is one of those guys who I've just like been watching forever. Yeah. And it was cool to kind of like get connected with him. But yeah, we saw Red Rocket and there was a lot of... Yeah, Simon's a big fan of you. Simon's a big fan of you.

Simon's great, man. Yeah. No, he's the best. He's really good. Really talented actor, too. Yeah, that was wild, huh? Yeah. How wild has that whole, I mean, Simon, right. And Simon's been on here before. Him and actually Young Gravy. Gravy. Yeah. It's the boy of mine, too. Yeah. And Simon, and Simon's been in front of, Simon's like the first guy that really kind of turned me on in some ways on the people. He like, I remember he put out a tweet one day and he was like, hey, man, this guy, he said some really nice shit and I was like, oh my god. About you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I saw him at one of my shows and he was sitting, just sitting in the back and I got to meet him and I was stoked.

And then we became really close friends, actually. Yeah. For a while, the pandemics kind of kept us separate, but... Yeah, but he kind of checked. It was weird because he was just fully off the grid in the pandemic. Yeah. He moved to like, like the desert. Yeah, he moved out there. And then he got this call for this. He got this call for this movie Red Rocket. And then he's, I think he won. He's winning shit for that. He was on the front page of Hollywood Reporter. Yeah. So it's like, sometimes that's just the journey and the path, not to get all fucking zenned out CBD. But it is, there's no, I don't know if there's a better story. He's the, he's like, almost the... Dude, he was banging Paris Hilton at one point. Yeah. I mean... Yeah. And

there's, if that, yeah, there's definitely an up from there. Yeah. But it's just like, you would never be like, I'm going to go to the desert and then book a movie role. Sometimes you just got to go and like, give it time and like, figure out what you really want. And I mean, he's proven himself to so many industries. Well, he's just been, I mean, just to have gone and been like, I'm just going to do what I want to do. Build himself a home out in the desert. I'm going to chill out. Sean Baker, the director or whatever, sees him from Instagram or from something or just sees his work or sees who he is. Yeah. And he said, this is the guy who can play this role. And that was the amazing thing about the role. It's like,

I don't know if anybody else could have been that perfect for it. Right. It just fit him. It didn't even look like he was acting. He was just being that character. Right. And that's what like, the best acting is, people that don't look like they're acting. Yeah, it's pretty tough, man. You fucking, you think about, for me, acting feels like I'm just high. I'm thinking about every move. I'm like, would I say that? Is that right? Here we go. And all right. Oh, the guy walks in. How are you? Oh, you're doing good. Yeah. Acting is really, do you want to do, does it make you want to do it? I knew you had to show you. I was pitching some stuff. I don't want to do it with my friends and like, there wasn't high stakes. It was like super high stakes where it's like,

you know, me and Timothy, you know, Chalamet got a riff on some shit. I'm like nervous. I'm in my head. I'm like, this jawline, you could fucking cut a pepperoni with that. So like, I'm just getting, like, I would get my head. I would want to like, if me and you were like doing something or like, I was on, like if I did Dave or something with, with like Lil Dicky and Santino, like that would be cool because you're like, it feels like a little less pressure. But even then fucking 75 people on set, there's somebody who just brings you like a hair tie and I don't even need the shit in my hair right now. It's just too much sometimes. It's like, I like how I film where it's like me, a few other people and a camera guy, like three people, man, three, four people.

Right. Cause then it's just like, it's in your, in your control. You know, so you get to be the editor of it. So you really get to be, do you think that's part of it? I think, I think I like being in control. I also, I feel like the more people, the more expectations, the, I think, like, I love and stand up when I'm blinded, like when it's like the light is super bright on me. Cause like when I can see everybody in the crowd, I get in my head and I'm like, oh fuck, this person is not looking at me, they're on the phone, this and that. So I get in my head easily. And then if I'm looking behind a camera and then there's like 40 people behind it, sometimes it's hard to zone out and be like, okay, just do it. You're best at zone in on your craft

because sometimes you're thinking and you see somebody like fucking like roll their eyes in the back. Like am I bombing up here? Right? You see somebody drink out of the cup or something? You're like, what the fuck? Are you thirsty to my shit dog? Fucking dry throat. You're not laughing dude. Lube up them chops. So can't you see bro? I'm freaking making magic. Yeah. And I've been on a few sets before and it's just like a lot of long days. It just takes the funny out of it. The best stuff is like, is pointing at your cameraman. Oh, get this real quick. Get this real quick. But you can't go up to a fucking DP who gets paid $97 a minute and be like, yo, get this. He's like, what? This ain't a vlog. So yeah, exactly. He's like, you got to get that

approved by this and that. I mean, yeah, the best part about the sets is just they got a lot of like licorice. That's nice. Yeah, they got the snacks. That thing is nice. But I mean, I think about it sometimes. Yeah, I think about like do what I sometimes it'd be nice to have a break from doing touring and stuff. But I guess you can just take a break. Yeah. I would want to work on something that I was a fan of, I think I would say. But you know, I had an I had auditions for like all types of shit. But one, I had an audition for a curb. And that one I was like, legit stoked on and they riffle. There wasn't the interview. Not the interview. This is why I don't book anything to audition. You're just supposed to riff a scene. And I was like, that's, that's,

that's dope. That's amazing. You're not like trying to focus on a word by word. You're just like, this is my interpretation of it. But that type of shit. I'm cool. If I was a fan of the show, I'd be down. But sometimes they're like, all right, you're going to play a marshmallow in a sci fi. What the fuck even is this? And that's a real audition I went on last year. Yeah. And I did not get it. Even worse. When some of these things they sent me out on him, I can't be a dessert. It's funny because I get these auditions. And I think like, I don't want to do this shit. It's like, well, you can't even book it, dog. Right. What do you have to complain about? You didn't even book being somebody's

ugboot you pussy. So I mean, yeah, you've done. That is a good point, man, because I'll say a lot of times like, man, I would hate to do that shit, but then I'm not even getting offered to do that. Actually, I've gotten offered some things. I got offered different voices and animations and stuff like that that I've passed on. Yeah. I think sometimes it's just a amount of time. Have you done traditional stuff? Like you've been on like enough sets and shit? Huh? I've done some stuff. I got to almost did a movie with Chris Pratt. Okay. But that was like, Oh, you got there. And it was just so much. It was like a 12 week commitment. It is insane. And it was just such a small thing. And it was just.

What were you playing? I'm grateful to him. I was just playing like, uh, it was like kind of like a rednecky kind of guy in a postpartum war or something. So you in like 2073. Yeah, something like that. All right. And it was cool. I saw, I saw it. It was cool. Oh, you saw the dude who played your role? No, they didn't end up putting another person. That's good. I would have been pissed if they put somebody else in there. But I think when I got there, they didn't exactly even know what the role was. They were still figuring it out. That was the interesting thing. It was just such a like leap of faith, I think. Was Chris just like, which is insane. Just calling first name bases.

Oh, was he, was he just like, Oh, I fuck with Theo. Let's just get him in on something. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. He actually just hit me up and asked me. And, um, that's how I think it should be more of. Yeah. You know, I think it is getting like that. Yeah, I think so. You know, all the, it's like you just hit your friends up and say sometimes anyway. We think about like, Stanley, he's just been casting his homies for the past like 30 years. And that's the way to do it. That's why the chemistry is so great. And it's like, you see, and people are like, Oh, they work so well on screen. It's like, yeah, it's their 20th movie together. Yeah. Well, that was another thing that was there. There was no, that's one thing

that Spade always says, he's like, dude, if you're going to do a movie, you want to spend time with your friends. It's going to be six weeks, you know, at least with who you do want to be with. Right. You want to probably be with buddies or people you enjoy having dinner with. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, these days you just don't know. I know Tim Dillon wants to do a movie. You know, people want to do different things. Right. I think it would be interesting to, I think, to do something and then just sell it directly to people. Yeah. You know, that's what I think would be really interesting. Yeah. The hard part is like 97 platforms to stream on now. But it's like, I can shoot something and put a little bit of money into it and just

put it on YouTube or something. I don't really know what, I don't know what people want. You know. Yeah. And you told me, and I remember this, you know, that people like a lot of your crew, they don't, it's hard to even watch a long movie. Bro. My phone goes off. I get one text. I can't go more than two minutes without being on it. All right. Who is it? Bank of America or the homie? Right. Neither. But for watching a movie, you mean? Yeah. It's just something about like, like I almost got to put my shirt on an airplane mode just so I don't even think about it because it's like, if your phone buzzes, it's weird to not be like, oh, I wonder what that is. Right. You can go straight to start to finish on the movie. No phone touch.

Uh, it's hard, but it's definitely happening more. But like, but I'm trying to do it purposely. But sometimes I'm like, do you ever just turn your phone off for like half a day? I need to. I got a buddy who's all into that shit. He'll like turn his phone off and go to the beach. And I'm like, I just all into that shit. Would he just be in this? He just leaves it at home and then drives to the beach. But I'm like, how do you get to the beach? You just head west? I don't know. Yeah. That part is weird. Cause then you like, I don't know. No, it's not great. I fucking, I watch Tik Toks till my eyes are bleeding. Like it's not good. It's not good. Well, I started noticing when a lot of Tik Tok, the songs would show up in my dreams that I wasn't doing good.

That's horrendous. I knew I wasn't doing. The renegades on there while you're just on a dragon. Oh, I knew I wasn't doing good. You know, it's, yeah, it's honestly, it's, it's muscle memory. It's like, I'll be paying and then I'm just scrolling. It's like, if I liked your Instagram photo, I was probably paying. My dick was in the other hand. I should be in jail for that. A lot of pedos out there, man. Put me in that boat, but you know. Well, not you, but I'm just saying it's not, I don't know if it's more popular or less popular. Pedophilia? Yeah. I think there's a lot of more closeted ones because you can see so much stuff. There's a lot of like, I'm amazed there's not things that block someone, um, an adult from talking to a child on

you think social media platform. You think it's just like, how do they feel no responsibility for that? Like that feels like Google or no, like Instagram or Snapchat. Like there's nothing that says that a 40 year old can't talk to a 15. There's no like thing that stops one from message in the other. That is weird. You should have to answer a question before you DM that person. And you're like, what's your favorite care bear? And if you answer that jail, yeah. If you answer that, even type out a letter, anything that's just not no. Yeah, it is weird. I don't know. But the web is like, there's so many layers. Like my friends are like showing me like how deep you can get on Reddit. Like what type of weird shit you can find in there. And it's like, oh yeah, you can, there's like,

what is it? What's all on there? I don't even know. It's like a forum. And there's like little subreddits, which is like a smaller forums like groups of like literally anything. I use Reddit for porn. I'm not going to lie. But really? Yeah. You can, you can find some cool stuff in there. Cause it's just really specific stuff. You know, like a girl choking on like a pine cone or something. But yeah, but oh, that's reforestation. Right. Yeah. That's the real forest gump right there. But, uh, so, but yeah, it's just like, it's, you can get so deep down and just kind of anything. It's like the internet probably does try to like block out the weirdos, but there's probably people jerking off at the Chick-fil-A website, being honest, just finding something on it, get off too.

Oh, do we stuff a guy? I remember they would come pick up a girl at our school and I think he was, I don't know if he was a pedophile, but he was just older, you know? It sounds like, yeah. And he would all remember, tell us about using like the Wendy's rapper, the Grecian, the Wendy's rapper to play with his, play with his body. Yeah. That man should be castrated. And I still, sometimes I wish I didn't think about that, but sometimes I still think. You ever drive by a Wendy's and be like, try it? They do a pretty greasy burger. No, I don't want to think about it like that. I just think sad about it. I just think, man, I wish that I didn't know that. Yeah. I wish God didn't let me know that.

You wish that Wendy's didn't have a frosty so you can just associate it too. Dude, when I was in like junior high, yeah, that dude that came, I remember that would like do the bacon, like the hamburger, the Wendy's, that guy, Wendy's guy. Yeah. He drove like this yellow cutlass sedan kind of car and he had like done, he, you know, like people used to put flames on the side of stuff to make it look cool. Yeah. But he'd taken like a blowtorch and like just burnt the side of his car and it was like, just make it look like he was driving the speed of light. Yeah. It was just like, to some of his like, his, his plan, his like, like plans didn't translate. I don't think that could,

but I mean, if there's ever a car to touch yourself in, that's up there. Oh, probably three or four. Oh, the seats were so comfortable. I think a Pontiac Aztec, probably the number one car you touch yourself in. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just a weird car, but they don't catch your eye enough. But if you look closely, it probably do. Dude, we used to have a lot of men would drive over by the arm when Vixie in our town and all be back there crying or touching themselves. It's one or the other. Don't you think they ever did both at the same time? Can you be hard and crying? I don't think I could. I seems like it was. Okay. I think I, I think I probably

I feel like the immediate answer was yes in my head. It's sad. Is that happy tears? Maybe you can do happy tears, but you can't be like balling. That's true. What else are they going to say? Oh, uh, oh, we had a lot of narks back then because I remember a lot of dudes would get sent back to our school and they'd be narks, you know? Yeah. And we had a few of those, the J.R.O.T.C. kids. Did y'all? Yeah. They would like dress up like cops on like Friday nights at football games. They would just pretty much just play the third trash. Yeah. I don't know what they're doing now. And they would have wooden guns sometimes that after school, there was always this group of kids running around the halls with like wooden

guns. And there was J.R.O. It was like flipping around and shit. It was ROTC. Yeah. Yeah. And they'd always be like have like these kind of like semi kind of like marine haircut. Yeah. Even though they didn't have to get them, I think they just got them anyway. And then they gave themselves cauliflower ear a little bit. The wooden guns weird because you're like, what are you going to do to somebody? You must splinter in the forehead to fucking freeze. Some of these dudes were savages. And they would all do that car speed thing where they would race their cars and put the quarter mile on the window, you know, they would ride on there. Yeah. Yeah. That was huge. Like three points. How would you tell a narc? Was it pretty obvious?

They just like when they weren't in camo or whatever the fuck they're wearing cargo shorts? In our town, it was easy to tell narcs because the police were just, it was small town. They're too nice to them. Well, and the guy would always that we'd be like, what town are you from? And he would be like, oh, I'm from just like right over it. Right over it. And he couldn't be like town. Yeah. And he'd be like, dude, there's like five towns around here. You know, creeks around here, bro. You just spilt a nice land of water. All right. Just pick a town, bro. You couldn't even name a town. And I remember some of the narcs would be like this 35. Oh, they had like this one dude who's like 35 years old and he came back as a narcan. He had real

smooth skin and he was like kind of, uh, I don't know. Yeah. That's big narc energy. If you got smooth skin, selling drugs, no zits and you're selling drugs, that doesn't check out. And he would just, yeah, he would like, he kept saying, uh, that he was from Texas or something, you know, some place that like people like knew about, but then it really had never been. And then he, I remember he started dating a girl at our school and then they busted him for being a pervert. And he was supposed to be busted on us. Damn, it'd be your own narcs. You know, he married that girl Lauren actually, which is crazy. He went to jail, I think, and then got out and then married her for pedophilia. I mean, I think he went for, you know, in D since he was

a minor or something. I think a lot of, why was it always history teachers over the closest to pedophiles? Our history teacher, he would knock girls pencils off the desk. We'd check out the rack when he dropped it. Now that's not to give anybody ideas, but he would like, like, if you were like, Oh, uh, what, what's, what's the answer? You knock off the pencil. So you'd like reach down and you'd stare at the grand teetons. They're at them nugs. They're young nuggets. And he did that for a couple of years, real thick glasses. If somebody had 17 year old tits, would you look at him? What are you doing? Just don't ask what I'm doing. I'm not looking because it seems

you're looking. Bro, it seems like you're a narc right now, dude. Where's his feet going? Huh? Where's his feet going? Nashville PD is just straight. Is that a producer? Is he a narc? Yeah. I mean, that's a crazy question. Is it that crazy? Yeah, but this guy, dude, he came back to our school. Yeah. And he's like, his first thing was like, who's he, who's selling drugs? We're like, what? That's what I'm saying. The questions they ask are crazy. Who's trying to do the weed? The, the who wants to smoke meth out of a spork dog gets a spoon and fucking act right. Dude, Narc's are always the dude. And it was always some kid, usually, that had been in school for so long and couldn't graduate school. He dropped out and now suddenly

like he's fake dropped out, but he still went to class under like an alias. You know, he's back with like a different name. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, this dude couldn't spell his first name, his original name. And now he's Lance and Narc's never had plans. What are you guys doing tonight? It's like, you just know what you're doing on a Friday in high school. You know, but if you have to ask for plans, Narc, Narc's never had plans. They got like a face tattoo. That's just a henna teardrop. And you're like, is that, is that a henna? Do you remember the first time you saw a tit out in public? I remember mine in public in New Orleans. You saw him all the time. That was a thing at Mardi Gras. So that was

another thing you had like, you know, high school chicks was always out there showing their tits adult. You'd have a, you know, you'd have a 17 year old and a 60 year old showing their tits out there. You know, yeah, I remember I was at Magic Mountain and they had this like, or not Magic Mountain Splash Mountain, or what's the fucking raging water one in California? Raging waters. Yes. The name of it. It's just like a amusement park, but it's all water. Right. T world, sea world, water park, I believe they call it these days. Water park. Yeah, not sea world. No, but it was raging waters. I don't know, man. I don't know. Yeah, but they had this, there was like this overflow of this like water that waterfall. Yeah, that would like waterfall,

but like it was, it wasn't on purpose. It was like overflow of a ride because it was like a berm that like spun out and it landed on this, this like mom and it hit the left side of her, her bikini. And yeah, there was Tid out for like seven seconds. She didn't even know it was crazy. I was like slapping my friends on the back. Bring them out. Bring them out. I was like hitting people. That's an unadulterated hit right there or again in the wild. I'm saying, God, there's something about it. Just straight up pure tit. There's something about it. Stumble across it. And here's the thing. Like a gold rush, but all over again. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with it, man. There's nothing wrong with some of age breasts. Of age breasts, you know. And she was

probably low 40s. And appropriate breasts. You know when breasts is appropriate. Yeah. There's a time and a place. And it's often. I will say that. Thank God, brother. And that's okay. That's what God. Are you that guy tour? Trevor Wallace, you guys go check him out, man. Yeah, man. It's going to be a good time. I'm really excited. So yeah, thanks for getting me out of hibernation, dude. I appreciate it. Yeah, man. Hopefully you had a good time and I really didn't know you're taking this time off. I feel bad, man, but we're talking about tits and you're getting up a lot around town out here. Or is that where you're going back to LA? Just hit a function. No, I just been taking a break from everything right now. So I'm going to go back to LA and get more

sets. There you go. So that's one thing too. That's tough for outside availability. There's just nowhere to perform. You know, there's one club. Yeah. Often you're popping there. Sometimes. Yeah. Not a ton. But even then you do 10 minutes. Yeah. But I've also been overall just been kind of just taking a break. Yeah. It's been kind of nice just to like. Yeah, man, you have to. Yeah. When you get too intense, you just burn out. You look, you're like just trying to make a zero out of anything. And you're like carpet's crazy, huh? What the fuck's wrong with me? Yeah. Now, the more you like live, the more you live a life to tell about it. I think that was something I feel like, you know, if you're not living, because I remember I was

so I said, thanks for that. Who did Robinson Caruso? I think said that. Okay. I saw it on the back of a kid rock t-shirt. But do you really know? Oh, but I just remember when I was first moved to LA, all I did was open mics. I go to work and then I do like three or four open mics tonight and then I just try to just give but I like I wasn't talking about anything. Right. I was just trying to be funny, but it wasn't anything personal. And then you take some time to realize who you are as a person and what made you, you and your background and this and that. And that's when you find the funny. Yeah. And then you find your lane and you're like, this is what I want to talk about. Yeah, I think I felt burnt out for a while. I think I just got

so busy working. Natural. You know, I took on, I was doing three episodes of, I was just doing way too much, doing sets, tour, you know, just like. You just want to say yes to everything because in the beginning you didn't have that. Right. When you, when you never had nothing. Yeah. And you work so hard and then something comes along, man, you'll fucking, I'll hold on to something. Yeah, man. But now I'm kind of realizing like, Hey, man, I can have a little bit of choice and what I want to do because I just want to feel like myself. I don't want to be so busy or overwhelmed that I don't feel like myself. Right. That's where I've been. I think. It's a scary feeling. Oh, you're like, it's just exhaust. You're just looking at what the stuff you're putting

out there. You're like, do I even like this? Am I doing this joke for me? Or is this just because I think it's funny? Yeah. Is this video just because I think it's going to go viral, but I don't actually give a shit about it. Yeah. Do you feel pressured to sometimes create stuff? Yeah. A lot of times it's when I'm like in between touring a lot and it's like, there's like, I have like two days in town and I'm like, okay, I need to make something. What's funny? Well, okay, this. And then it's like, did I actually want to make that or did I just rush it to put something out? And it shows. When the numbers come up and it doesn't hit, I go, yeah, that makes sense. That checks out. But in the beginning, I just get pissed. I'm like, no, fuck, that's funny. Why didn't that hit? But now

it's like, I get it. I go, I rushed that. Didn't need to do that. Should have just taken that week off and rested a little bit. But it takes time to learn that. I'm overdue for a lot of, excuse me, I'm overdue for a lot of weeks all. Yeah. But I think the people who support you the most would understand that we would rather have Theo at a hundred than being like, here's a podcast, but I fucking, you know, I have narcolepsy at minute 36. Yeah. Yeah, I just, yeah, I want to, I want to get back to a place where I feel really healthy, you know, and natural. So in January is weird because December is really slow, but then it's hard to go straight back to a hundred percent, right? I jumped right into it. Yeah. Fucking we're back, you know, this weekend, we're back. Right. But yeah, I'm trying to

just do a little bit less and just, yeah, I'm all good though. Everything feels good, man. I just want to, yeah, I want to, I want to, I realize that I can take more time for myself because I want to make good stuff. I want to feel like myself. So yeah, but man, I'm grateful to spend time with you, dude. And I love you. You're one of the funniest guys, dude. Your videos always make me laugh. I've even called you Trevor Lawrence before the people. And I hope you don't stop. And I thought your name was Travis when I first met you. They even have you saved in my phone. Travis Lawrence. And that sounds like a youth pastor. And tonight at Zany's Comedy Club, maybe he will. A little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on wild.

Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine on me. And I will find a song. I will sing it, just for you. And I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past. And these girls that I've been riding on. They want something that they're damn gone. Now girls, now they just weren't built to last.