This Past Weekend - E383 Ms. Pat

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

Ms. Pat is a comedian, actor, and podcaster from Atlanta, GA. She is currently shooting season 2 of The Ms. Pat Show which airs on BET+, and has a new special out on Netflix called, Y'All Wanna Hear Something Crazy? Ms. Pat sits down with Theo to discuss The Dukes of Hazard, neighborhood crackheads, beef between black people and aliens, and Ms. Pat's favorite memory of her friend Bob Saget. Find Ms. Pat at: https://www.instagram.com/comediennemspat/?hl=en -------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com -------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Keeps: Go to https://www.keeps.com/theo to get your first month free. BetterHelp: Go to https://www.betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off of your first month. ShipStation: Go to https://www.shipstation.com to get a 60 day free trial with offer code THEO. Fitbod: Go to https://fitbod.me/theo to get 25% off of your membership. -------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek -------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 -------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips -------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Isaac https://www.instagram.com/isaacheckert/?hl=enSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's guest. I'm grateful to finally have her in studio She is from Atlanta, but has been living in Indiana for quite some time We'll hear more about it. She is the creator and star of the Miss Pat show, which is currently on BET plus and Paramount plus she also has her new special on Netflix. You can check it out. It's called y'all want to hear something crazy She's my new friend and she brought some beautiful ladies with her. I'll say that some real look The hilarious Miss Pat So you're moving back to Atlanta, are you excited or you I just moved back I am excited I shoot the show that shoot the Miss Pat show there and I shot my special that I'm from Atlanta

So my husband just retired and I was like, look, I'm ready to get the fuck out of Indiana. Let's go home Yeah, so I bought some I bought some land and I'm building on it Dang, what y'all gonna have like anything special at the house like anything you always wanted Um, I wanted a podcast studio because right now I was doing it I was doing it a little bit everywhere. I do it on zoom and then when I was in India I would do it out of my movie theater room So I really want to get big time like you and everybody else. So I built the podcast studio Outside the house. Oh nice. Yeah, and y'all gonna have what else a pool a pool a basketball court

You got any fancy neighbors like is it in a fancy place? No, it's not in a fancy place 12 people The youngest person might be 65 at y'all's house. Oh your neighborhood And it had some a couple acreage and I just bought it I know I wanted a big house, but I didn't want a big mortgage Yeah, so I just found some land and I told the house down and I'm gonna get with it Damn, and who's gonna live at the house with your husband you? Um, I have four kids that I have custody of my niece kids And then I have a 21 or 22 and a 23 year old. Damn. They have three grandkids and my son They live nearby. Yeah, your life's crazy. I felt even just a half hour of your your special

I felt like I watched it like it remind me of the wire Remember that show Yeah, I don't I took a long time for me to get into the wire me too My husband is a Christian. I mean he grew up Christian. So and I grew up, you know, of course selling drugs You know my background and he was kept raving about you gotta watch this show. I don't want to watch that bullshit I live this year and one day I sit down and I watched the wire. I was like, oh my god This shit is so fucking real. Yeah, they did a good job. They did a good fucking job I think I got into it like in the fourth season. Oh, yeah, really. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't get into it

I don't think until like one year ago really. Yeah. Oh my god That's that's that's one of the best on the radio shows that was out there and it was so fucking real Yeah, I could really relate, you know what show I really miss was in the heat of the night Do you remember that show? I do remember Remember that show. Yeah, it was good. Huh? You telling your age theory What I'm showing my age me yeah, oh Yeah, sorry, that's why they need to do a remake so I can sound really like I know what like I just miss I do I saw the lady from in the heat of the night one time eating breakfast with her husband. I

Lost my mind. Do you remember the detective his wife? Not quite. You know who I remember from the heat of the night is the black dude and in the officer The other one. Oh, yeah, Carol O'Connor. Yeah, Carol O'Connor The black guy Virgil Tibbs that was his name. His wife was Althea and I saw her at the breakfast place and I really lost it Oh, wow, I've never heard nobody say they was crazy about the heat of the night. Yeah, I love it I really love my shit was Duke's a hazard back in that area. Really? I had like them country boys Well from the south and you know, uh, everybody's going crazy over Daisy Duke and you know, cuz I was really young and

The boys were going crazy Bo Duke is who I thought was fucking drop gorgeous. Damn. Oh, I had the biggest crush on Bo Duke Let's pull them up Colin. Can we get Bo Duke up there? Back in the day and one of them is a homosexual man. I think isn't he one of them. Love men. Yeah, or preferred men We didn't say it. Oh, I think everybody knows it. I think The one with the black hair. I Think you might have been I don't tell me my baby daddy. I know I think you might have been lost in that man, man Both there's both right there. The one with the blonde hair. Yeah, what about the picture with that hat with just a no shirt on?

Oh, everybody love Bo Duke back in the day. Yeah, he was good, huh? Yeah, I think they down in Georgia. Aren't they? I don't know Bo Duke, I Don't know One of them. I think preferred me and I could be wrong, but I I don't know so tell me so your husband I heard you met him and that he was in the military and then and And now he's done. He's retired. He retired. He

What was he six seven years in the military or something like that and what I made him he had just got out so he was really young and He worked for General Motors. He makes the Allison transmission for the military division. Oh, wow And so he retired about two to three months ago dang in December. He retired Is it weird cuz some people say when people get retired Then it gets weird around the house cuz somebody's around more but I I'm never around so I'm like literally I do I do morning radio every 103 in Atlanta and then I leave there and I go to set and if I'm not doing sit I'm fucking traveling, but it's a little weird having them home doing a day

I think he's bored out his mind and I'm like, what do you want to do? I'm cool I'm cool. I'm like, you want to come see me take the show cuz it's in front of a live studio audience I'm cool. I'm cool. So I just I think he's got a jest because my husband so used to be a head of the household And he's been working our whole fucking marriage. Yeah, since I've known him and this is first time No, I haven't a job. Yeah, so I think he's kind of Adjust to the shit. Yeah Yeah, I got to get a wife or something one day. I um Yeah, I've only ever been with one black woman in my life and uh, she had like, you know, it's legal

Ain't nobody stop you That mullet you rock it might be stop. You think this is stop sign huh for black women. It don't say it don't say you like I Hell cut do not say you like Maybe I need to put on something else Never seen a black woman fuck a white dude with a mother. Oh, we about to change the game I don't know baby, this is really my fire powers in there. Well, you need to explain to the black one They might fire power. It ain't what you think you

Yeah, yeah, no, it's not like a racist emblem. It's just my I just feel more confident Well, you don't have on the confetti flag, but it's just it's the haircut It is huh black women are very particular about what they mean look like. Yeah, you know, that's why you never That's why you've never really see black men with dirty shoes Yeah, they just ain't got no money right, but if you fly you you always see black men with clean shoes on yeah black people always smell real exciting And oh, dude, you know fucking you'll meet a brother. He smelled like a damn bathroom body works You know what I'm saying sometimes black people that I feel like they a lot of times they just are more

Yeah, flashy flashy week, you know, like why is it? Why is it? Is it just because we make everything look good. Yeah, I mean if you want to sell something Let's be honest who you take it to you take it to the African-American you take it to the black people because we make everything flash But how are you doing that wrong? Yeah, I mean think about it. How many white athletes got a shoe? Your boy Tom Brady had some hugs. Yeah And then a old boy Larry Bird had the converse and then on because of him and Um, magic had that thing going on back. Yeah, it's really hard. You got up. I don't think black people buy white shoe That's a good point. Oh, yeah, because you know, we you want something to sell you take it it off. Damn, huh?

Yeah, we're walking the advertisement all the time. We turn anything hiding fresh. Yeah, huh? Yeah, I think I people always look to the black community for like what's cool, huh? Oh, the coolest people on earth. Yeah, nobody's cooler than us. That's why we copy it Yeah, let me think who else could be maybe aliens. I heard somewhere that black people and aliens don't get along Did you ever hear is that like a thing in the black culture? Do you really think aliens fucking real? I? Mean they got it. They got to have some of them. Well, how many how many times do you think a black person made an alien? I don't know. Do you know anything? Fuck no

Well, you I just I don't know if you guys are telling not saying something Fuck yeah, I think it knows this white people y'all motherfuckers know if it was aliens before us We might all motherfuckers be you ain't never heard no black people. So I'm just gonna go to the moon and fuck with you people in the sky That's white people shit. That ain't all shit. The fuck are you talking? Ali's and black people don't get along with the fuck that's supposed to be I don't know That's just what I heard. That's like something I heard through the grapevine over the years It's like an old wives tale or something, you know, let me I've heard all white men. This is small. That ain't true Is it? No, well, thank you. Yeah

You hurry up and defend that no Absolutely not That's wild What else is going on today? Not much really just chilling pretty much, you know, I'm trying to think of something else super that's exciting So you got your special out. Yeah, yeah, and I watched about 30 minutes of it last night It was awesome. You tell so many Joe. I mean you just bump bump bump bump bump bump bump. Thank you Robert Townsend directed it and it wasn't easy getting together with him boy

He worked the shit out of me really I had to meet with him once once a week for four hours a day I'll zoom and do my whole set and he would take it and twist it He would listen to ever said I did out on the road and hit me back that Monday So this is what we're gonna work on this Wednesday. Are you serious? Yes? I've never heard of a director doing that I haven't either but you know to step to Robert Townsend say you want him to direct your special He only did raw for Eddie Murphy I think I hope I said the right one for Eddie Murphy Well, he did Eddie Murphy raw and he did Bill Cosby last one to step to say you want him to direct your special

That was huge. Wow. And he was like no and I was like I need you. I knew I just needed him You know, I just felt like he was a director that would care that was set down. This is my first special I really wanted to be good and It took a minute, but he finally came through and he directed it for me and it was not easy work Wow, he really put you through it. He put me through it I mean and so I was supposed to tape it a year earlier, but the pandemic hit Yeah, so he came on right after the rat after the pandemic hit I think and he worked the dog shit out of me damn

I will call him again if I got another special because you know when you drop a special you really worry about You know, do people don't think it funny is it gonna flow right? I didn't watch it I watched the cuts and put together, but I was like, I don't really want to be you know, cuz I'm scared I'm scared what people gonna think about it. Yeah, and I just started to look at the feedback people. Oh my god It's so good. It's so funny. Just joking remind me of comedy back in a day And you know cuz I'm not I'm not I say what the fuck I want to say. Oh, yeah, you do sure more than anybody I think I've heard in a long time. Yeah, so I mean, you know the council culture They out there. I mean

I'm not worried about them. I'm gonna say what the fuck I want to say you digested how the fuck you want to say it Yeah, and I'm one of the things that was really Robert really liked the thing I did at the end I don't know if you got to the end my daughter is gay And I tell all of these bits about my daughter being gay and then I do this whole speech at the end about you know Which at first I didn't think they was gonna take it So I said I said no matter what you've been through in life learn how to laugh at it I don't give a fucking somebody stuck. They thumb up your ass if they didn't get past the knuckle you won But that's what I've been saying on stage

It was that hour I had for the longest cuz I mean I won't I don't give a fuck what you've been through Yeah, you can get through it if you believe that you can get through it The mind is a strong muscle it take on what you put in it. Yeah, if you say I'm depressed It gonna be a it gonna be your mind will make your whole body depressed So I don't use words like unhappy and depressed and I can't I tell them a fucking thing That's not a such thing as you can that's a yes some way if you keep trying Wow Yeah, that's a good attitude. Yeah, I recently been thinking that like whatever I thought if I ever thought it becomes a feeling So I got to be real careful about what my thoughts are

Yeah, because if you say if you tell yourself that you're not good your mind will make you the whole body feel like you're not Yeah, and and I've just learned that I learned that actually from a teacher her name was miss troop She said you can do and be anything in the fucking world you want to be the dumbest question It's a question not X and I that made me ask people any fucking thing I wanted to ask them but it's so funny because a lot of people will hear a teacher say something like that, right? And you because probably teachers say that to everybody in a way, but it's a lot of time. It doesn't activate in us You know, I wonder what made it that active, you know what I'm saying It's kind of interesting how all this teacher spent a lot of time with me because I was I grew up in the inner city of Atlanta

And in the ghetto and and she would you know like she taught me how to read and and you know She just instilled a lot of things in me that my mama did yeah And I'm I'm 50 now and I still quote her to this day Wow when I'm down and out I said miss troops that I can do and be in the fucking thing I want to be when I went to my husband said I'm gonna be a comedian He's like girl cuz I'm a convicted felon. He's like just keep the fucking job a general mode I'm like no, I I want to be a comedian this shit. Look ease. I'm having fun You get to eat cuz everybody start doing comedy well at least I did to eat the free food

Oh, yeah, yes, nice And he's like I get to eat and I and hey you get that little tension and I was like just keep the fucking job It's you know, I say no, I'm gonna be a fucking comedian. He's like, oh, no, this bitch just don't want to work That is true a lot of comedians they Because part of the temptation the beginning is this shit does not feel like a real job It feels kind of if you have a natural Acclamation of being making people laugh you like this shit is easy is easy is fun You hanging out with people you like you up all night you get them twenty thirty dollars

And you know them few little things especially like if you ain't got no real bills Or you are you a waiter or something and you go to your job during the day But it's so much fun at night the hanging around people that you really fucking like they do what you do and you watch everybody Turn that fucking Happen is into a struggle what they trying to make it or trying to make this shit work for them So this is all they got to do because this is what they love to do. Yeah Yeah, yeah, there is something that's kind of beautiful about it in that sense, you know Do you think sometimes I feel like strippers? I noticed a similarity between strippers and comedians. Do you ever feel that way a little bit?

No, I don't know. I've got damn thing about strippers. I'm fatter than a motherfucker. What the fuck man? You think I know alien stripper What's gonna be next for you Theo? I don't know shit about that. I don't even go no fucking strip club I don't even like pussy. I don't like my own pussy. So why am I going to look at other bitch? Pussy you need to stay the fuck out of them strip Ever dealing you do you ask me I know it is a comedy and pussy go together not for me I don't know shit about no goddamn script for fat bitches built like me do videos like Lizzo Lizzo got shot didn't see it season when they got shot or no, you getting your black folks mixed up That was a Megan and Stan got shot in the foot. Lizzo is the plus side woman

Oh, we giving it to him on the internet. We're gonna be throwing that thick She got that this is quick baby that business quick and there ain't no and there ain't no country cropped either She be greased up She look like if you grab her she'll slip out your hand Oh, you can't even get a hug on her No, I don't know what kind of cocoa butter they use on Lizzo, but I be like her ass is shiny And she be throwing that flat at your ass She's beautiful, but oh, I love me some Lizzo. That's hilarious

So why did you say you think comedy and strippers go together because it's like putting yourself out there There's something about it like it's you're like putting whatever you have inside of you out there Both of us naked cuz once you get on stage the strippers naked as a comedian You really don't know if they're gonna last so you're naked too. Yeah, until you grab control until you learn how to slide down that pole Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I would agree with you a little bit a little bit. I don't go I don't go strip club I don't I don't smell that shit in there. Yeah, that's I guess that's true I never really I guess well I remember the first time I ever went me and my friend Lance were in Louisville and

I was too young to get in but he could get in so he'd go in and tell me what it looked like and he'd come back out and tell me You know Show me the shape of the breast with his hands and everything like that, you know Come in show you. Oh, was you 10? No, I was probably 16 But we tried and they wouldn't let me in so he just be describing everything to me and I was sitting in the car Did you get off with that? Have me a couple beers. I don't remember if I did I probably did It's 16 having a couple beers. I mean, I you know, I was just excited staying in the vehicle You know, so he went inside and he would come back out. I'm sorry. You drinking bills at 16. Yeah, where you from?

I'm from Louisiana. Oh, no wonder. Yeah, you probably buying gay put hiccups on alligator necks Oh, they definitely had a lot of I'm trying to think we had a lot of look We had a lot of different animals in our area because I grew up in area Then nobody had pets people just had animals, you know, like you would just see an animal in your neighborhood, you know Like a cat or you would see somebody or just a dog would be there, you know I didn't grow up in the area with a lot of like what he gave a fuck about the animal Oh, dude, I remember the first time I ever saw a dog in somebody's house, bro, and they loved it That shit blew my mind. I said they loved it. Well when I blew my mind when I was coming up

You didn't dogs was an in-house you could time up to a tree. Yeah, and I think I did that bit on my special I was like, you do that shit now. You're going to fucking jail. You can't tie the dogs up to the trees anymore I mean dog house dog houses are obsolete. You can't fucking use them Yeah, they literally got to be treated like you and I was like fuck you you can't you don't even work Yeah, so why I'm I'm treating you like me. Yeah, at least the dogs in Alaska and stuff They're doing sled and they doing work during the day, but yeah, they just a lot of local animals, bro They really just a lot of them don't pull their weight, you know, don't pull they way I don't think what you say they didn't have a home. So they just hang out on the corner like the drum

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Okay, dang there you go. And so does she let you pick out any of the ladies she likes or mother doesn't matter She'd be picking out them rough bitches. She does. Yeah, them gang, but she like so what do you mean like the W? Do you have like the centers? No, she's just rolling with them shooting guards Them shooting guards. No, they'd be big bitches. They'd be I don't know. She We have a running joke with her. She don't keep them long. Yeah. Yeah They got to make it a three Thanksgiving before they really be a part of the family. That makes sense kind of I think that's realistic do Do a lot of uh

Is it do people keep being gay a secret more in black culture than they do you think and I mean I only know risk really white culture I was around black culture a lot growing up, but I wasn't black so I could just guess, you know But if you round black culture, you you know black culture I I didn't grow around white people. I moved around and I live I realized they love leaving shit at your door They bake for What was your question? It's kind of like prison a little bit. They didn't bring you a baked good

You know, I always bring a fucking baked good. I mean when I live in any now. I'm like goddamn white people stop bringing shit to the door We ain't even eating this shit But my neighbors were great in playing field Indiana. What was your question? Um Do is it more gay? Yeah, it's more secret. It was when I was coming up. They just call them punks when I was coming up You don't get fuck what you say, do you? I don't know That's what they called it when I was coming up But like when my daughter came out and I'm 50 so I was used to word bulldiger and she's like mama You can't say the word bulldiger and I'm like why she say cuz nobody says that anymore

And it's just like a white person call you a inward. I was like when the fuck did they change it to that? On my sitcom we did a whole episode about using the rocket to her words and you can't say stuff like they're called Lesbians, uh-huh a stud so you can't say bulldogs and it's a punks and you can't call You lose your fucking you lose everything or you'll gain a lot of people that talk that just believe in just saying whatever they want That's what I think about you. I think I'm a fan because she says what she wants to say She I get the real her well I do I do but I'm not if I find out something hurt you right I'm not gonna say it like I'll tell you when I moved to Indiana to be honest with you had never heard of the word cunt

Mm-hmm, and I was at a comedy club and it's black this comedian called his white lady a cunt and she just boo-hoo And I was like, what the fuck is a cunt and why she cry like that? And she in one of the communities like there's like a black man called you a bitch. I was like hold on white girl Stop crying. Let's whoop this motherfucker But I didn't know that so if I know that you if I know something is gonna hurt you I won't say it to you know Oh, yeah, so I'm not gonna say the f-word I'm not gonna I'm not gonna call a lesbian a bulldozer because that is derogatory But you know if I'm at the house my daughter might get everything. Yeah, and that's okay. That's different. Yeah, that's different

That's different. Yeah, I think people don't delineate kind of what is different or what isn't different, you know Yeah, you don't want to do anything that you know to hurt anybody but where it's a change You know, I think I think this generation of people is a lot softer You know, they can't take the shit we used to take, you know, they out, you know We got bullet we just fucking got bullet and fucking dealt with it and showed the bullet 20 years later when they fatten I had all the kids you ain't shit. Yeah, these kids here immediately, you know can't take Criticism and stuff like that. They you know, they want to jump off a fucking bridge You know, it's like it's it's times have changed so much where back in the day when you were work

I don't know if it was hidden from us or we just you know, we just see it more now like That's interesting. Yeah, because before if somebody took their life or something or we didn't really hear about it No, and now it's like boom in your face, you know, this person like why you know life is beautiful, but then Mental illness was not a fur of forefront like it is today mental illness used to be hilarious man You see some as mentally ill you're like fuck though. Yeah, they really was your uncle's and you know, you wanted Yeah, every uncle and uh, every uncle was mentally ill not everybody 60% 70% Yeah, we had a few that was you know, but now you can't pick at this stuff anymore. Yeah, you gotta say what the hell

Yeah, Rodney's not doing well. You gotta say stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, so times just have changed You know, we we have to put a we I think the world has held held us to Karen a little bit more Well Karen about each other you think? Oh, we should but yeah, it's trying to get there. Yeah I think that's a good point. I think it is trying to get there. Do you think? Oh, what was Halloween like in a black community? What was that? I always wonder what that's like It's like I've heard comedian makes jokes about you go to the white neighborhood to get the big Snickers Yeah But um, it was like you just like every other Halloween's I don't think

I know in my community they didn't go out on costumes like they do today And I think you had a lot to do it people couldn't afford them or they really wasn't into them Yeah, and like my mother-in-law, she didn't believe in Halloween because she thought it was the devil's day Damn, yeah, super Christian and shit So you wasn't they wasn't allowed to go trick-or-treating and put on costumes and shit like that But we were just going on regular clothes. Yeah Yeah, oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I think we used to get like oh my dad was real old my dad was 70 when I was born He was an old man

Yeah, that it was 70. Yeah, he was 70. He was born in 1910, right? So he was real old So he Your mom was selling pussy. No, she was just giving it out and How was your mother 32 my mother was 32 was your daddy rich? No And that's the crazy part was in Tennessee. No, they was in Louisiana. Are you serious? Yeah Yeah, mama fucked a 90 year old me. I mean 70. Yeah. Yeah, 70 and he's handsome guy Well, how long was it around after he was born two weeks 86 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, your mama gave birth and your daddy died

It felt like it man, he would every time every day I saw him like damn. He gets smaller and smaller He's about to meet me in the middle You're dead with 86. Yeah, how was you when he died? 16 so I was getting pretty old but But Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, so it was. Why your mama said she did, I'm interested. Why your mama would fuck somebody that old?

Did she need her fucking trailer, pay for some shit? I don't know what she needed. My mother doesn't say anything about it. Yes, she doesn't say anything about it. Is she the only, well, of course you the only child by him. No, we got four children. I got two young assistants. Not by that old man?

Yeah. Not by that old man. You might need to check your DNA. I guarantee you that was a younger nigga up the street, a younger person up the street, baby. And your mom, she just put it on that old man cause he was taking care of the house on it. Maybe, I don't, he wasn't taking care of much, man.

Dude, the best things I'm trying to think, my dad bought a Cutlass, right? Cause we lived right, we lived in like in a black and white neighborhood. So my dad bought a Cutlass from a couple of brothers around the corner from us and it had like 22s in the trunk, right? So he, and he was, he couldn't even hear, right?

So he would drive around listening to Paul Harvey. You remember that guy on the radio who did like the weather report and it was like Paul Harvey, like the old, dude, he would listen to, it would just, it would have had a ton of bass though. It'd be like the weather and like, it was like AM radio and shit. He would listen to Rush Limbaugh, just boom, boom.

Your dad was a Rush Limbaugh person. Yeah, but he would listen to it with like a ton of bass though. It's different when you hear it with bass. Oh, I bet it is. You can, he's screaming, he's screaming to a beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was a little bit different. That was interesting, I guess.

I can't get over your daddy, who's your granddad? Oh, my grandfather was born in 1880, which is crazy. That's wild. He can hear me, your daddy was in school together. Was he alive when you, when you were born? No, no, he was gone. That's the only reason why your daddy got your mama, cause your dad, your granddad had already died.

Shit, I've heard fucking for rent money, but that's a little, that's fucking for social security. Yeah, that's the crazy part. I was like, who's fuck, why, I wouldn't, I just didn't understand. Your mama still alive? Yeah, she's still alive. Don't tell me she got another old man.

Oh no, she married another guy, but he was only 20 years older, but he ended up passing away, but. Everybody died with your mama too, though. Shoot. Your mama like, that's soft dick. Yeah. She got like soft dick.

How the fuck a seven year old one man get, no, yeah. I don't know. Do, yeah, I guess maybe people's penises get softer over time. I don't know. I'm not sure. I just know how much, I mean, I know how, you know, my own penis over my own time, but I don't.

How old are you, Theo? I'm 40 years old. I'm 41. It's coming. Damn. I don't want that, man. Nobody wants it, but it can't stay hard forever. I'm telling you, if that's your daddy, your mama swallow.

I don't mean to be mean, but I just don't see no 70 year old man back, back, what do you know Viagra to help your daddy out back then? So you got to, so if they had no Viagra, he was doing that on sheer willpower. And there's something beautiful about that. No, ain't no 70 year old man. You lying, Theo.

That ain't your daddy. I swear to God it is. I'm telling them brother, soul, your daddy, that cop might be your daddy. Cause you talk like a brother too. You just got that Joe Durkin. I got a big ass, baby. I do have kind of a big ass, you know, I will say that.

Black men ain't got no big ass. I'm just saying, you might need to check your DNA. You might be a little bit of black. Oh dude, I'll take a little, yeah, I'll take a little if I could get it, you know. I wonder how you get that white kid that gets really obsessed with black culture, like, you know. It's, it's, it's finer.

It's, it's like, it's the cool thing to do. And I felt like those kids, you know, I just like, we wrote on the same bus. It's funny because you say your daddy listen to Rush Limbaugh. Yeah, but that was him. That's cause I think that was just another senior citizen, you know, but. He didn't try to spill that over into your life.

No, he wasn't. No, no, my dad wasn't racist. I think he was just a Republican, but he wasn't. He wasn't like a racist guy. Our family wasn't like, our family wasn't like Redneck or anything. My dad was from Nicaragua and my mom was from Illinois. But.

Well, how the fuck you end up with the Redneck haircut? It only looked good on you. Cause you've been rocking this shit for a long time. I like that. See, you're coming around now. No, you remind me of vanilla ice. You coming around. Ice, ice, baby.

I used to love that fucking song. It was good, huh? Well, I heard you talking about, you used to leave it to Beaver. I grew up watching the, yeah, I used to like live through the television shows. Yeah. So how do you think if you grew up like in such

an environment that was probably so dangerous, what do you really think? I know you talking about that teacher. It wasn't dangerous, it was a poor. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, sorry. I mean, cause you gotta think if you know black culture. Back in those days, we wasn't,

all of this black on black violence wasn't happened. That didn't happen to crack it, the black community. Then that shit happened. So when I was growing up, it was just, it was just poverty, it was just poverty. That's what it was. It was, you know, and when you, when you poor like that as a kid,

you really don't know you poor until you grow up and then look in society. Tell you, cause a lot of shit, I didn't really learn that was wrong until I became, until I opened my mouth about it and I became a comedian. And I was like, people like, I didn't grow up like that. And I was like, you didn't grow up like that? Your momma didn't cook in the fireplace?

What the fuck, your momma doing cooking in the fireplace? Can we have no gas, nigga? You so. So, you know, it was just poverty. We were just poor as hell. Yeah. Being poor creates the most fun though, cause you gotta be around each other more.

You don't have things to occupy your time. I think you see more shit. You do see more shit. You learned something called survivor. Less stuff is hidden from you. So I think when you're wealthy, you get to hide more, you hide from other people, you can hide more from, you get hedges,

you get a yard, you get distance between, you get separate bedrooms, you get all these things where like everything is kind of hidden. Well, we had hedges, they would just walk down. We had a yard, it would just walk down. Wait a minute Theo, we all had everything rich people had. It just didn't look as good as they shit did.

Yeah. And we just cooked in a fire place. But yeah, I think when you're wealthy, you know, a lot more is given. You know, and when you poor, you gotta earn a lot more. Yeah. Even with my kids.

I mean, I'm not rich or no shit like that, but you know. But y'all getting fancier. Is it harder to not pat, is it harder to make your kids have the same struggle that you had? Is that tough? Well, they don't have the same struggle because their struggle ain't there no more.

So, I have to learn to say no. I was like, go get your own shit. Don't tell me what you can't do when your momma's in here with an eighth grade education in the GED and look what the fuck I did. Now what the fuck you gonna do? Yeah. So, and I don't have a problem with telling them no.

Yeah, yeah. Get the fuck on. Give me my money. No, I'm not gonna do that for you. I'm gonna show you how to do it for yourself. Which one, and how many children do you have of your own? I have four, 35, 34, 22, and 23. And which one was probably the,

was it giving birth to you? Tell me about that. Do you ever have any crazy giving birth days, like days where you had to go to the hospital and give birth? Cause I know you had a wild, you had like a wild, you've had a wild life, you know, very wild compared to a lot of folks.

Well, my first one I had at 14, that was real easy. Damn. She popped out. I can't even think about that. It feels illegal for me to even think about that birthday. Damn, bro. I can't even look at pictures from that. That's crazy.

I know, right? But I gave birth at 14 and that was the easiest pregnancy ever. I mean, she literally popped out and I was riding my bicycles in three days. Wow. So, you know. How big was she, you think?

She was nine pounds. And my last child was 10 to, he really hurt. And he always been like that kind of a pain a little? Well, you know, a lot of parents don't tell you this, but I always tell them, I say that I love all of my kids. But every parent got a favorite kid. And then last one is my favorite. Yeah?

And you tell it? Oh, yeah, I tell them. I say, I love all y'all, but this one is my favorite here. What makes him a favorite? I think because he was the last one. He was 10-2 and my husband didn't have any kids when I met him. So he took my two kids and my sister-four kids

and then I had a daughter by him. And then when I had my last one was a boy and I wanted to name it after him. And I kind of think that's why Junebug is my favorite because he's a junior. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had a Junebug bus growing up. We had a kid named Junebug.

Junebug was everywhere. Everybody got a Junebug. Oh, really? I think so. Yeah. I'm trying to think. We used to have, I was always envious, like people had their cool, exciting names.

But I had Theo and I got to meet Malcolm Jamal, Warner one time and I told him that my name was Theo. He didn't really care, but that's all right. That's all right. I told him my name was Theo and he was like, he ain't really kidding. Like, why should he care? Okay, what the fuck do you want me to do?

Because hey, in the back of your name Theo, I probably gave you the same reaction. What the fuck do you want me to say? I don't want you to say daddy, you're daddy 99. Wow, I'll say this. Business is off to a good start this year. You know, we're doing business. And you know who else's business did well last year?

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to be better than the last. Get 25% off your membership now when you sign up at fitbod.me slash t-h-e-o. That's 25% off your membership at fitbod.f-i-t-b-o-d.me slash t-o. You got any kids? No, I would like to get one. I'm ready, I think, to get married, I think.

I'm talking about getting a wife. You talking about getting a wife? Are you dating, Theo? I'm doing a little bit of light dating, but I'm ready to really, I think, step it up. Really? I think so, I'm ready. I'm ready to have a couple children, maybe.

Now, you dating more than one woman? Are you dating one woman? I'm dating a little bit of more than one, you know. He's gonna say that on your pocket, like he holds on this to your pocket, okay? I don't think, I mean, I'm still looking, you know? I'm still looking. How'd you know when you met your husband

that he was the one? He had a good job back to Heath, and he didn't hit bitches in the high on Friday. Damn. But I knew he was the one, he was a nice guy. Did you know him right from the beginning or took a little few dates? I liked him, so, you know, he just came over

and we went out a couple of times, but I liked him when I first saw him. What can a man do you think, if out of the gate, he's kind of like in that gray zone? What can he do on that second, third date to maybe get himself into a better zone, you think? What do you mean by gray zone? Like, if you're not liking him?

You're just not sure, maybe. You're kind of like him. Well, you're never not sure when you meet somebody. I think the more, the conversation, I personally can learn a lot about you through your conversation. I mean, if you're listening good, some women get swindled through conversations

because some men know how to say all the right shit. Or when you hang up their phone, you gotta take a step back like, oh, what this motherfucker up to? Yeah. You know, and then, I mean, times have changed so much. Now, motherfuckers give you their name. You can call a girlfriend like my friend Quiche.

Bitch, put this motherfucker name and this thing and tell me more about this person and it'll bring up everything about him. Yeah, it's hard to hide now. Yeah, it's hard to hide now. So, I mean, you just can't be goo goo, guy guy over somebody the first. Sometime, the first fucking year,

you just gotta keep talking and see if it grows. Yeah. Do you think, sometimes I feel like black people don't get that nervous. I always feel like black people don't get nervous. Do you feel like black people get nervous or not? We're human. What the fuck you think we are animals?

No. I don't think that at all. Black people don't get nervous. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, a lot of my black friends, they never seem like they get nervous. Nervous about what? Do you don't get nervous?

Anything. I get nervous. I get nervous a lot. So, I'm also a person that gets extra nervous. So then, I think I'm more prone to maybe thinking that some people don't get nervous. You probably think, I would, I think it's not the word nervous.

You probably think we, is he thinking we bad ass? Are we just like, we don't give a fuck? I don't know what it is. Maybe it's- Are we don't get scared? Maybe it's a mix of some of those things. And so then it comes off to me like that,

oh, my black friends don't get nervous. Are we getting nervous? Let's get pulled over by the police. You got that right? We getting nervous. Yeah, I guess that's a good point. I mean- That's a real game.

Yeah, once that shit happens, man, that shit is. But you know, you- No whammies. Know what? No whammies, I was saying. It's like a game show. That's what is a dangerous game show if you could pull over by the cops, man.

But not for all cops. Cause I'm not the one to say all cops are bad cops. You know, I try to tell people about time. You can't throw that one, let that one person throw that whole race of people off. I know. That's not fair. Yeah, cause there's a lot of good guys

and then people come at them with a bad energy and shit. It's like when the guy from, he might be your friend, but from who was on the XM radio? What's his name? He was on XM radio. They was on for years in Patrisse Nation. Opie and Anthony? Yeah, wasn't it Opie or Anthony

that cussed out the black woman? I'm not sure which one. Remember she made the video? One of them made the video. Yeah, probably it might be Anthony. Anthony's more like volatile. Yeah, so he made the video saying black woman or something. And all he had to say was that bitch

he had an incident with was the problem. But when you throw a whole, when you throw all black women in it, then it becomes a problem. Cause I'm not that lady who cussed you out. So why are you throwing my race? Because you dealt with somebody that we are the same race. That's not fair.

If a white boy run up and rape me, I'm not gonna say all white boys rape. That's not fair. I mean, cause you wouldn't rape me, would you? I wouldn't. Why you say I'm first? I just say I wouldn't. That ain't how you ask a rape question.

I mean, I wanted to really, you know. You had to think twice. No, ma'am, I would not be raping. I ain't doing no raping. Okay, so. I'm not even that good at sex. I'd be the worst rapist ever. I'd be the absolute worst.

Well, most of them are worse than six. That's why they take it. And they force this shit on you. But so I just think you cannot throw stuff on people because one person, individual's did it. It doesn't make everybody that race the same way. How long were you doing comedy before something started to turn and you're like, oh wow, this is gonna be good.

Cause I've seen you go through the clubs for a long time. Oh yeah. Probably 12, 13, maybe 15 at the most. And what was the thing that started to kind of, when do you start to see, oh, something's changing here? I moved to Indiana, which I thought my life was gonna be fucking over. And so I ended up getting on a tour with Cat Williams,

the Cat Apocalypse tour. Oh wow. And right after I moved there, and Cat paid me fucking life, a shit ton of money to do 15 minutes a night. And then I ended up going on a road with, on SJ and D Ray Davis. And I just kept grinding.

But I knew by me being on that Cat tour, and I did festivals and shit like that, that had really helped me out. Cause Ray Grant, was he on there too or no? Ray Grant was on the one I was on. He's on all of them. But he was on that one I was on. But I just felt like that's when I thought,

you know, a lot of shit started to kind of change for me. Yeah. And along with festivals, I stayed going to the festival, even if I wasn't invited, like Montreal. Cause you know, as a young comic, you automatically think, oh, if I go to Montreal, if I just get new face, my whole life's gonna change. Change, yeah.

That is bullshit. I try to tell you, I said, hey, just go over there and do the fucking jokes. It's a goddamn, it's a good time. Yeah. It's a good time. I remember the year I went, and it was the year of the white boys.

So white boys was really hot. I didn't realize that till after I was there. And it was after this, everybody was all up this Canadian comedian ass, which I didn't think was funny, but I didn't know. I'm a young comic. So I don't know what the industry is looking for. Right.

And I did my set and nobody said anything to me. But when they tell you, oh my God, the industry is going to be all over you. You're going to do this, you're going to do that. Nobody talked to me. And I remember going back to my hotel room and crying. Cause everybody told me if I go over there, I was going to blow the fuck up.

Then I had to realize this shit is a process. And it might not never happen. Yeah. So I just started to focus on my comedy. And when I got invited to shit, I would show up and I just learned to take the feelings out of it. Cause when you got feelings out in it,

you will fucking go crazy. That's a really good point. Yeah, I remember getting invited, not getting invited to those things and thinking, man, I'm never going to have a chance. This industry doesn't like me. This whole world doesn't, you know, that I'm not a part of it.

Was you a new face? No. Really? I never was, yeah. And then it started to get, you know, now it's really, it's about like diversity and a lot of like trans, comedian, gay, you know, it's a lot of that now.

And I don't need it. Now, you know, I'm in my own kind of world now. Once podcasting started, people could create their own worlds. Yeah, they could. They really could. I just think it's more about diversity. It's a lot about diversity.

I think the industry was forced to listen to what everybody had to say. Yeah. Well, you need more voices at a certain point. You kind of have heard a lot of the same voice. Yeah, because I mean, let's be honest, if it's a white girl, it's the same slutty white girl thing.

And then I've seen so many other white comedian, white female comedian that wasn't slutty, but wasn't getting pushed to the top. Right. And I'm like, well, this bitch is funny. Right. But they doesn't get, you know, when you, when you slutty, it was like,

they'll push you to the top. And everybody knows that, knew that at the time. So I just think it's what the industry believed that the voice that they're looking for that season. Well, it's, I've always thought earthquake, I've always thought it's one of the best comedians. Oh, he's so fucking funny. I mean, who kills a room, who kills a room.

I've always said earthquake is probably one of the top three that I've seen who kills a room. And to finally see him getting, you know, getting a Netflix special and just. Do you have one? Things that make him feel deserved. You know, because a part of it is making him feel does, like you deserve the, you know, not you,

but just like a thing where it's like, you've earned this. Yes, yes, yes. A piece of him can be like, okay, I have, you know. I mean, cause we, we as comics, let's be real. We said at the house and we're like, how this motherfucker get this? This motherfucker ain't even funny. You said behind the door, who the fuck pushing this person?

So that's what I mean when I say I learned to take the feelings out of it. So now I say, oh, well, you know, maybe more black girls would get specials. I was so happy when they gave Tiffany that special and Monique made all of that noise about, you know, the pay of women and stuff. And, you know, I was happy because,

I'm gonna be honest. I think Netflix started to give more black women stuff after that, you know, where I didn't see a lot of black females getting special, especially ones that stepped outside of the box. So when she- That's a good point, huh? I never even thought about that.

Yeah, and then, you know, I don't know what Tiffany got paid, but I heard she got paid really good. I mean, they was really good to me too. So, you know, I just think it made them pay attention. Hey, it's not enough diversity on your platform, which they turned it around and they put a lot of diversity on it. You know, I like when I see a gay or trans

or black or white or Hispanic or any Asian comedian. Yeah. I mean, it's a little bit, it's something not there for everybody. It's like a gumbo. Yeah. Instead of just one straight way. Yeah.

You know, I used to think about that when I was young, it would be like, actually a lot of my favorite shows, it was like, I mean, what did they have? Like, I mean, I loved a lot of my favorite sitcoms and stuff were black shows, you know? Good Times, The Jeffersons. What was Family Matters? People love that show.

Yeah, people love that show. My show is, the show that I do, The Miss Pat Show, it's kind of like, they want to say a Roseanne because I'm a plus-sized woman like Roseanne, but I think it's more like Archie Bonker. Mm-hmm. Like, that type of honesty. And I have-

All in the family, that one? Yeah, all in the family. I have a lot of learning moments like him. Yeah. So, but sometimes I'm shooting, I tell my co-creator Jordan Cooper, I say, sometimes it feel like Martin's, then it feel like a Bernie Mac.

So, it's a little bit of mix of everything. Well, you look like Gina from Martin a little bit, the lady that played in that show. Really? I've never heard that one. Really? Mike, the father on the show wife looks a lot like her to me.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. We have a couple of questions that came in. Do you want to pull something up, Colin? Okay. Hey, what's up, Miss Pat? What's up, Theo?

My question is for Miss Pat. I was a photographer at Skankfest last November and Miss Pat was there and so was the great Bob Saget. And Miss Pat and Bob talked a lot about their friendship and their relationship on podcast during the week and stuff. But I was just wondering, is there a favorite moment you have Miss Pat

or a favorite story about Bob that you have? We'd love to hear it. Thanks guys, gang, gang. Gang, maybe thanks for the question, man. Yeah, Bob Saget came to my house for dinner. Did he really? I did Bob Saget podcast and when we locked off and I found out, I said, you're playing in India,

Livy, he's like, why don't I come to your house for dinner? And I'm like, what the fuck? You don't come to my fucking house for dinner? And so he really threw me off and I'm like, okay. And so I didn't really know if he was going to come. Wow. And at the time I'm in Atlanta trying to buy a house and get our stuff together.

I had a gig and I had to get rid of that date that Bob Saget that Thursday because I was not going to tell Bob Saget he could not come to my fucking house. So I just, I went home and I cleaned up, I called the housekeeper and my hood was like, what the fuck is going on? I said, I have a really famous person coming to the house.

But I can't tell you who it is because I didn't know Bob Saget was going to show the fuck up. Like, you know how famous people stand you up. And then they was like, well, who's coming? And I would never tell them who came. And I just say, wait till they ring the doorbell and everybody trying to figure out fucking who coming. He rings the doorbell.

He got flowers in his hand and whining. They was like, Bob Saget? Oh my God. And we sat there and I wish out of video the whole thing. When I tell you, he was so fucking funny. And you know, you're thinking Bob Saget, you know, the clean Bob Saget from the sitcom, corny as fuck, you know, you know.

But I've seen it stand up. I knew it stand up was funny. I just didn't, he was so fucking quick with it. He was like just cracking the fuck. He had us cracking up like seriously. And then my son, BBQ, because my son, Junebuck and BBQ really well. So I was like, Junebuck, you going to BBQ?

And Gary Allen is going to make, there's a who the fuck, shut the fuck up. I said, just cook the food. And I can't cook. So we made this BBQ and I bought steaks and you know, I'm like, I don't know the fuck rich people eat or how they eat. So I just went out and bought the best of everything.

And Bob Saget ate a plate. He's like, oh my God, this shit is so fucking good. He got up and went and fixed this stuff for another plate. And then he did, I was like, hold on, Bob, you going to buy groceries motherfucker. You know, he's three plates. He's like, he been a long time since I had food. This good miss Bella, what a fuck have you been?

And he was there for about four or five hours. And we left at that table and we talk. And that's my, that's my most memorable moment with him. Wow, that's wild. That's amazing, huh? Yeah. Man, your kids were there too? My whole family was there.

It sure was. I flew, I flew my, the girl who do my hair in and I was like, he might not come. Cause I told her who he was, but I didn't tell my family. And we just waited and he rung that door, but he got in an Uber and got out the fucking Uber. Like a nice Uber or regular one? It was a regular little Uber.

I don't even think the person who picked Bob Saget up knew they were Bob Saget, cause he had a mask on. Oh yeah. Yeah. Damn. And, and so we take some pictures and I post them and everybody's like, Bob Saget was in our neighborhood. Oh, that's my most memorable moment.

I tell you, when I found out he passed, I couldn't stop crying because it was such a building relationship. Like Bob Saget was literally text me in the middle of the, how you doing, Pat? And I had just talked to him because, you know, I had asked Bob to be on my show and I was, my show was on BET plus and Paramount plus.

And you know, I know Bob ain't never been on BET. So I said, I'm going to ask him in there. I said, would you come and play, you know, a role on the show? He's like, fuck you, I'm there. So we were literally talking about him, you know, doing a role on the show. Yeah.

And the week, the week he died, I had just text him and say, send it up. He's telling me who to reach out to. And I got you, Pat, I'm going to do it. And I was leaving a falcon game and my son called and said, they said, Bob, Saget died. And I called and it was no answer. And I was like, this can't be real.

And I literally fucking cried. I was like, cause I really liked it. He was so fucking genuine. He was just a genuine guy. And I'm the type of person like, I don't give a fuck who you are or what you done. If you're a good person, then I fuck with you. And he was a good person.

Wow. Man, that's what kind of makes me sad. Yeah, he was a good person. Damn. And sometimes I go back and I look at it. And you know, I started seeing people posting their text messages between them and Bob Saget. I was like, I would never do that.

Some of that's a little weird. I think showing some support is one thing. Trying to relate too much. I don't, when people do that shit, they over relate. That shit to me is so crazy. Well, you want cloud on the online too. You want, I would never show something that private because you died.

And to go and show people my text message between me and Bob Saget. I just, I wouldn't do that, you know? And then like I had an actress on the show that committed suicide, who played the secretary. And I had just talked to her a week before and she was about to return to the show. And that shit just hit me like a brick

because she was like my baby, you know? I don't know. When I meet people, it's because I grew up like not a close knit family. And I just started to collect people as family members. And she was like a family member to me. And, you know, about three weeks ago, she was here. She was missing.

And then she, they found her. They said she committed suicide, so. Did you have any inkling when you saw her? Did she seem down or you couldn't, you'd have no idea? I don't, you know, you don't really, she was, I had a nervous energy to me. Like always something wrong cause she didn't want to disappoint people.

And I was talking to her about a role and I was like, that role is too small. You're too fucking good. So look, I'm gonna bring you in for this role. And we back and forth and I come off stage and I got this long ass text. I said, you, I called, I said, you okay? And he's like, I just don't want to disappoint you.

And I was like, Lindsey, I fucking love you. And you know, no, no, you know. And I was like, just wait. And the week she killed herself was the week she was supposed to be on my fucking show. When she was, that was the episode she was gonna come in for, but I told her it was too small. I was gonna bring it in for the next one.

So we literally right her in the next one. And as I come off stage, they said she was missing. And I talked to another one of the actors from LA on my show and then they, two days later they said she was dead. And I was like, I can't believe she did this. Damn, that's scary. Yeah, it's very scary.

You know, cause I mean, cause I sometimes I beat myself. I was like, fuck if I had just given her that small role that she could have been that with me and she wouldn't have killed herself. Yeah, I have a gut. There's a guy like who used to hit me up to hit me up. I met him through skydiving, right?

I met him at a comedy show one time and he said, hey man, I'm such a big fan. I can relate to you on certain levels, like how you feel about a lot of things. And we swapped numbers. He invited me to go skydiving. So I went down there one time, took my little, I had a girlfriend at the time

and she was good girl. And we went skydiving and in a couple of like months after that he'd been messaging me, but I just hadn't noticed. I'd just been busy and I just hadn't noticed. And he'd sent like three texts over a couple of months and then he killed himself. And sometimes I think, damn man,

if I just said my life had been a little slower or something, you know, if I hadn't been thinking about myself, then I'm not saying I could have saved him, but maybe I could have just, you just don't know sometimes how, what people are needing, you know? I mean, some people,

some people just need somebody to listen sometime. And so I have a, and I don't have a lot of time like I used to because I'm so busy with TV show, radio and just trying to create other shit where I try to take out the time, like if I'm waking up at four o'clock in the morning, I don't really have to be up

because my mind wake me up at that time. I stroll through my messages and I see a lot of people that need talking. And if I can't say a lot, I was like, love you, take care. How you doing? And I answer back. I try to as much as I can with a growing career.

I mean, I hope I get as big as Dave Chappelle and Kevin Hart one day, but I do take time to when they message me when I can't to say something back. Because sometimes people just need an ear. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy how we have so much communication now, but nobody's really taking time really to listen.

Nobody's really available in a lot of ways. Or we all feel like we also need to tell somebody instead of hear them. I noticed that a lot. We feel this compulsion, I think, since we have so many ways to put things out there, that we have to put things out. I have to tell them,

I have to instead of listen. I don't know. I don't know that much. Yeah. Is there another question? Yeah, we got one more question that came in. Oh, I'm gonna start this question. Shit, I did somebody else's part, man.

That was kind of cute. Yeah, it's nice and people can, if they get specific, they can really have something for you. Got a question here from Ms. Pat. If you had three options to marry one of these comedians and live with for the rest of your entire life, between your boy Theo Vaughn,

everyone's favorite fat alcoholic comedian, Bert Kreischer, or the slept king himself, Bobby Lee. Who are you taking, Ms. Pat? Yeah, Bobby Lee, can you handle that little Vietnamese treat? No, but the way it grows. Can you handle that little shrimp salad, baby? Oh my God, oh my God. Can you handle that, huh?

I'm gonna have to choose. You look good in that picture of that Theo Vaughn. You think I look good in that? Then something you done changed because something's wrong with you now. Well, I'm gonna have to go with Bert Kreischer. Bert got that long paper. Oh yeah, that's a good point.

Bert look like he can buy my wigs and y'all can't. And we look like we're wearing wigs. That's the crazy part. But what about Bobby ever dated a Lausian man? I ain't never dated out of my side, my damn razor. Well, there's definitely not no fucking Asian. I've seen Bobby Lee, Dick too. That'll probably want that shit.

That shit's so small, like a two-pin. Yeah, that thing really don't even look like you can get nuts. Oh, he got baby nuts, so you know. He ain't bustin' no nuts. He peeing inside of you. It looked like he's dick cryin' a little. No, you know the Asian people, they say it's one of those wooden shoes

to keep their feet from growing. Look, he's stuck his dick in one. Hey, we'll have to be Bert crashing for me, baby. Damn, all right. I seen Bert house too. And Bert liked them Southern girl because his wife from the same place, I'm from Atlanta. Is she really?

Yes. Yeah, she's beautiful. She's a sweetheart. But you do look like an actor in that picture, Theo. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I think about sometimes doing some acting, but I don't know, podcasting and touring

kind of keeps me so busy, you know? Did you always want to be an actress though? No. I just, I love comedy. And that's- Because acting's a different thing. It's a different beast. You know, my show was created through Fox

and Lee Daniel and Ron Howell and Brian Grazer. So they immediately got me an acting coach and it took five years to get that show up. And on TV, because Hulu shot the pilot, dropped it and then BET Plus picked it up and then Paramount, it just went over to Paramount Plus. So they put a lot of money into me learning how to act. So, but no, I prefer comedy first.

Yeah. But I do like creating. Yeah. I have some other things that I'm working on. I like behind the camera. Yeah. It's a lot of fucking work in front of that camera. Especially when it's your show,

cause you gotta memorize lines, you gotta write jokes, you gotta help write it. Then, you know, when all the other actors go home, your head's still up. Yeah. This is your show, so you gotta still make it great. Like I literally got a lead here and I'm running into another show in it on the plane.

I'm reading all night. Yeah. It's a lot of work. Yeah. It's more work than people think. Oh, it's a lot of fucking work. You're gonna earn them pennies. Yeah.

I agree. Let's get a different one. Do we have one more that came in? And then we'll get you a new one. Yo, this past weekend, what's up? You know, I'm sitting here all horned up. Anyways, Miss Pat, I got a question for you. So, you talked about how you used to sell

crack cocaine and stuff. Everybody knows every neighborhood has that one funny crack head. Who is the funniest person that you used to sell crack to? Gang, you guys have a good one. Gang, baby, I always wanted to smoke crack, man. No, you don't. But I think it was, I'm gonna say two.

If I can remember, one of them name was rehab. It was this dude, he said, my street name was rabbit, rabbit. Give me one more rock. I'm going to the rehab. So I named the rehab because he never made it. He ended up fucking shoot some dope and fallin' out in the street and die. He was so fucking funny.

And Squirrel was the other one. He the only motherfucker that bought dope from you, but were a rap. Give me that sack, Pat. Give me that sack, rap. He would have a whole rap. Every time he came and bought dope, he was saying you a whole song that was fucking hilarious.

Yeah, it was some funny ass crackers and talented ass crackers out there too. Yeah, yeah, cracker will bring the talent right out of you. It brings it right to the surface because you need it so you'll give whatever you got, whatever your talent is. I feel like you'll display it. Is that true, you think?

No, I think talent bring the best talent. I mean, the best talent crack bring out of you is dick sucking. Oh, damn. Because when you run out of money, you gotta do something. Well, I guess you right then, Theo. Damn. Yeah, I guess that's true, huh? I would never.

How far down a crack do you have to beat it when you get to that where you doing oral sex out there for another $2? $2. Probably at the bottom. But how many times do you have to use crack before you start getting to that? Like, is there a couple of times?

I don't know. I never use cracker. They say cracker's very addicted the very first time. They say it gives you a feeling that you'll never get again. Wow. And you forever searching for that feeling. Damn. That's crazy that they can make that, huh?

Yeah. That's crazy. It's like they're playing, like they're playing God or something. Yeah, this shit is wild out there. Yeah, I always wanted to smoke it, but I've always been afraid, I guess. Well, I'm glad you didn't because I would hate to see you say you're mullet.

Yeah. Miss Pat, thank you for coming in. Thank you for finally fucking having me. I know we've been back and forth, back and forth, and I've been ripping and running, but I appreciate you taking out the time and doing it today. Well, I feel honored, and I'm so excited for your success. I'm just really, you know, I'm just happy for you.

You sound like you have a beautiful voice, and I think we just need it in the world. So thank you for coming and spending some time with me. And if it don't work out on the white side, Theo, come on over here with these beautiful cocoa butter rubbed down sisters. They'll take you. Will they give me a chance, you think?

They're going to change that haircut, but they're going to put some cornrows in this shit. Dude, roll it up. I'll put a jingle bell in that shit during the holidays, baby. You know what I'm saying? You were the smoothest talking white boy I've ever seen in my life, but dressed like a white boy. Put me in, coach.

I'm ready. I'm going to hook you. I got a queen show. We got to find Theo Vaughn, a black sister. Oh, she's got it. Oh, she's got it. What about that kid? Huh?

I could do, I think, maybe one kid, two kids seem like a lot. Two kids. Would you say? What about six? No. She got six. Is she really? The lesbian F6?

How? No, the lesbian don't have any fuzzers. Oh, your other two. She eat her babies. No. Oh. The other girl got six kids. Oh, damn.

CF6 children? God damn, baby. Wow. That thing hit like popcorn. That thing was. You got to put the off switch on that bitch. That thing must be stuck on. That's crazy, man.

Wow. All right, y'all. We bringing Theo Vaughn to the black side. I am looking for him a good black woman out there. And I'm going to say it on my podcast, that we going to hook you up. We going to take you on seeing you on a black date. I'm ready.

And I'll even take a real thug-ass woman, too. You know what I'm saying? I'm ready. I think you can have a thug, bitch. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I want a bitch that'll fucking, she's driving. She's driving. She picks me up.

You know what I'm saying, bruh? We're going to end this podcast right here. And in the black community, they're called a low-down nigga. So we ain't going to do that to you, Theo Vaughn. I don't know what I'm ready for something. Thank you, Miss Pat. I got you, I got you. Now, I'm just focused on the breeze.

And I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's going to take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind. Shine that light on me, I'll sit and tell you my stories.

Shine on me, and I will find a song, I will sing it just for you. And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my pants. And these wells that I've been riding on, they want something that they're damned to come. And I guess now they just want to build the land.