This Past Weekend - E393 Maui Milkshake

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Theo talks about his recent trip to Hawaii, an unfortunate incident at Arby's, and one woman's quest to find a man on Mother's Day. He also answers some of your calls and offers advice on how to find confidence in yourself.  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Mint Mobile: Go to https://mintmobile.com/THEO and cut your wireless bill to just $15/month Upstart: Go to https://upstart.com/THEO to check your rate today Manscaped: Go to https://manscaped.com to get 20% off + free shipping with code THEO Fitbod: Go to https://fitbod.me/THEO to get 25% off your subscription ------------------------------------------------- Music: "There is a Light" by Stonekeepers ft. David Manuel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlYmX8jvwz8&ab_channel=EpidemicSoul ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Jeremy https://www.instagram.com/guyboybabyboolove/ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reinerSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I like this one When ever you're down Out in the cold Faithless and dark Your stories untold Come take my hand And wander with me I know a place where we can be free

There is a light Shining for you Gaining your faith Helping me through Shadows and globes I'll let you see When the fire fades Where we can be free

There is a light Hey, hey, hey, it's middle of May And a lot going on in the world It's springtime baby, you know you can hear the bees in the distance, they're out there They out there honey hunting them bees baby, you can hear them You can hear that buzz baby You can hear just mother nature just trying to just Just trying to skeet all over the place you know it just

It's pretty romantic actually if you fall asleep put you here by the window before you go to bed You can hear them I mean you just the bees are up at night They just everything's just trying to bloom and bust and And just going dates and just everything I mean it is damn senior prom for mother nature right now baby we are in the midst of spring And I just got back from Maui I went on a small vacation for myself To get just get my just let my credentials get in order just let the Just to let the sand settle inside of me a little bit and

And it felt good you know if you never been to Maui you got to go there I mean it's a lot of honeymooners so that was You know there's a lot of people holding hands and then sometimes everybody was holding hands so much I found I would just put one of my hands out and then just hold it just hold it with the other hand Just so I didn't feel out of place sometimes and so You know I kind of walked around like a lot of You know a lot of religious guys will do that too they'll shake your hand they put the other hand on top of it They make that little hand sandwich kind of about it you know just

Thank you for coming you know people do that a lot of times at funerals They put they just shake the hand they put the other hand on the double there you go Just a little hand threesome right there just thank you for coming You know people will do that when they just double hand you The first time it ever happens usually is at a church they somebody will double hand you know like damn what You know especially I remember being young and just learning to shake hands You didn't know exactly how to you know sometimes I put my hand in backwards and just fucking just You know I put my thumb facing down and whoever was shaking your hand didn't know what the hell to do

You know the guy just sometimes he just loses just he'd come out the damn closet he didn't even know what was You know just because if you if you put your hand out and just the thumb is just blows somebody's mind in a handshake It's really you can just really somebody who's just been going through life very organized shaking hands You hit them with that upside down handshake and they just fucking they can't handle it you know they'll damn You know they'll fucking get a divorce they don't they just don't know what's going on Um and then you when you're when you're growing up handshaking is such a Man I remember when he first somebody's like well shake their hand they you know your mom tells you shake their hand And you don't you know something to put your hand out that you don't know at first and then

And then one time my dad introduced me to somebody and the guy shook my hand so hard And I remember thinking all right motherfucker all right boy Fucking punch your little kid in the neck when I see him I just remember just thinking I'ma you know I'ma get these bitches back This shit ain't over I remember that the guy my dad introduced me to the guy and the guy just shook my hand so hard And I just remember thinking all right bitch this shit ain't over And I had just I you know just a lot you know so much happens in a handshake Especially when you're learning the ropes of handshaking It's a crazy time for a young fella or young woman

So then when you shake somebody's hand and they do the dub when they do this regular handshake and then they put their hand on top of you On the back of your hand and they're just running a train on your hand with their hands It's just it's too much you're like what I didn't know we could do that I thought you could only do one hand just the rules keep changing you know you're like I thought we could only do one hand and this dude's tagging in his partner This dang you know this guy's you know the Steiner brothers every I thought you know it was just a cage match and he's running a damn Royal Rumble on my hands It just I remember this just the slippery slopes of shaking hands You know learning what it was all like and that was kind of interesting to me And then I dated a gal for a while that would do a hard handshake and I'm like I didn't want to introduce her to people

Because I knew she'd just be rattling them just you know just damn just you know testing their joints every time you freaking introduced her to somebody she would just test their joints it felt like Just that was tough Jesus I remember that was tough Anyway what's going on I'll get into it I went over to Maui Hawaii to have a vacation for myself and man it just it's so nice and we got some beautiful calls that came in we'll get into a little bit of the news And yeah just living today baby living and just letting the Lord just hold my ass I want to let you know these tour dates this week actually Wednesday I'll be in Albuquerque New Mexico Thursday I'll be in Midland Midland Texas Friday May 20th I'll be in Lubock Texas and then May 21st I'll be in Dallas Texas The following beginning of June 2 Savannah Georgia if you have friends over there tell them to come through Augusta Georgia June 3rd Montgomery Alabama June 4 and Columbus GA June 5

Then I'll be in Florida June 23rd to the 26th Hollywood Florida Fort Myers Daytona Beach and Lakeland Florida And that's all in June go to Theo von.com slash to you are to get those tickets go through those links don't let them get you on that secondary market You know those secondary tickets you they might have fentanyl in you don't know you don't know what's in them So we just want you to get that first hand at the you know fair price tickets What else so yeah I went over to we had some great shows out in Tulsa, Oklahoma And man I just want to thank everybody that came through there that place had been that it had been sold out for months they said and the staff there was all excited and Yeah I got in the town over there I was feeling a little rattled so I went and hit an AA meeting right before the show over there off a Lewis drive over there They got a spot over there I think the unanimity club or something deal and went over there with my shady ass handshake and just

You know that hand it's just if somebody teaches you wrong how to hand you just you know it just as interesting how somebody they that that's the first thing they teach you you know it's just You know it's just interesting Yeah just a beautiful time over there in in Tulsa and the staff they said you know that that show had been sold out for months and it was just a lot of good people I met three guys named Tyler in the lobby in a row I went down before the show to get me a little burger or something you know a little while I didn't know what I wanted And that's the worst the worst thing to do is wander downstairs in a casino not sure what you want because you could end up with anything son you could end up with a little bit of hamburger you could end up with a damn debt you could end up with hooker you could end up with gay men chasing you men hookers So I think that has to be a new rule for me is but when I leave a hotel room to have a plan in a casino But yeah I went down there met three Tylers in a row I said well damn too bad this you know that it's not a human slot machine where you get three Tylers and you win something because I met three Tylers in a row boom boom boom

Hey Tyler, Tyler, Tyler hey my name is Tyler hey I'm Tyler guess what Tyler so it was just triple Tylers man right out the gate over there and yeah I wish I'd gotten to meet everybody they came out we stayed after and met a met a met some people that milled around in the lobby and I'm grateful for that And then we went on oh Los Angeles dude that was crazy that was that was crazy I mean the crowds were so it was during the Netflix is a joke festival and Netflix didn't do shit for us so I want to thank everybody that came out and supported Netflix did all the advertising for so many other acts and they didn't give us shit and our crowd came out and showed love man so thank you guys That meant a lot to me and those shows damn just you know they had a dude in there who kept trying to show me his tattoo during the show this guy had a tattoo on his back of angel wings And the whole time he's trying to show me the tattoo and I'm just thinking finally I kind of see what he's saying and I'm like all of this and I don't give a fuck bro you know what I'm saying like that was like I'm glad you got it but damn dude you know like You don't have to this is the this is in the time and place for all this dude the guy kept trying he kept like kind of giving these hand motions and pulling his shirt I didn't know what he was doing I don't know if he was doing laundry I didn't know what the guy was doing But none of it made any sense and then finally his buddy this little guy with him who looked like he had um the buddy looked like somebody had smoked had smoked him it looked like somebody had taken his friend and put him in a pipe and took a couple hits off him

You know the dude just looked a little crisp little crisp out and I think he even had like kind of burn marks not like on his skin but it's on his clothes like somebody at um tried to you know do like a maybe small campfire or something Like right next to him like he had that kind of vibe you know but anyway that guy finally pulled up his buddy shirt and he's pointing at like I don't I don't and that's when I realized I don't give a fuck about that Like there's a lot of things I do want to care about but seeing a grown man's angel wing tats is not that is nowhere on my list of things that I really want to care about But yeah thank you to everybody that came out man and showed love and um those those shows were nuts they were just people were cheering so much it was like hard to even pay attention I didn't There were times where I turned around and looked behind me I thought there was something like there was a football game going on behind me it was just it was live man it was really live Um what else occurred oh I'll tell you about this man so oh I went over to Maui and if you haven't been to Maui then you got to do it You know one of the nice things is the place shuts down early so nine o'clock you're in bed everybody's in bed you can feel the whole everybody is in bed During every bed you can hear like every bed is just eating you know because somebody filled that bitch up every bed in the joint has got some something in its tummy dude something human just lodged right in the middle of it

And it just feels uh there's a huge relaxation to it um oh and then this this happened um you know sometime you like you run you run in the guys and it's great but sometimes when you're in a hotel you're any place you're going to be for a long time You could run into the guy countless times you know repetitionally and so this fella I'm at this hotel the second day and this guy says what's up He's uh he's a nice guy being real friendly and um and then finally he goes hey man the conversation had kind of gotten where there wasn't much left to say Which is okay that's when everybody kind of goes their separate ways and he goes hey man I'm going to give you uh I'm going to give you six guesses what my name is and I'm like oh fuck oh fuck Cause I don't want to do that I don't want that man I'm I don't want that you know I don't want I want no guesses how many how much what names the man is But you know I guess there there's a part of me that likes games I guess so I said Alex and uh and he goes no but that's close and he goes I'll give you three extra guesses and I'm like oh fuck dude I don't want that I don't want that man I don't want that extra guesses I don't so now I have nine guesses minus one now I have eight guesses what this guy's name is and I don't want no guesses Um so anyway he goes and you don't have to guess again right now I'll see you around the way right cause he worked at the place

So dude I kept I ran into this guy I ran into this guy uh I mean I ran into this guy 30 more times over the week And it was just a nightmare and finally you know I guessed like I did like two other guesses because there was you know one day I had already done my word or whatever and so I was like I need a game to play and he fucking wandered up And he always wandered up I mean he would wander up on a damn wind you know I mean somebody would cough a few feet away and he'd he'd wander right up out of their damn esophagus This dude wandered up you know he was the kind of guy that wandered up so finally I'm trying to guess and uh I'm like Tyler is it Tyler? Um the guy tells me that his name is Galaxy and that's why Alex was close and at that point I knew it was time to leave man it was time to leave bro that's when that's when it's time to go So um what else happened there beautiful place if you've never been to Maui you need to go um and you need to also they have a place there mama's fish house over there up near Paella or Paella You roll up there and dude you gotta know like there was no reservation so I'll call a few times there's no reservation and then so I was up there anyway looking for a swimming hole where I picked up a hitchhiker last time I was there I picked up a hitchhiker and uh Cause I love hitchhikers baby now that's a game that's a game show you want to do a game show pick up a hitchhiker and see what God wants for ya

Um cause that's the devil's rose shambo baby hitchhikers hello yeah man So anyway man uh yeah what was I talking about uh Jeremy what was I talking about do you know? Uh like before Maui? Yeah oh no yeah I don't know when I was talking about anything but um oh I'll tell you this man uh I got it thanks Jimmy We got Jeremy in here helping out today um grateful that he's here uh oh a man died bro a man died um so I'm at breakfast right? I'm at breakfast one morning and uh and the place I'm staying at man I treated myself the place I'm staying was pretty nice dude They had like a concierge breakfast so you go down there you know and it's fucking you know I don't know who the concierge was But I'll tell you this his wife can cook I'll say that cause they had it bro they had it and they got Hawaii you know who it is man

They got a lot of beautiful I mean it's Asia but it's more like uh it's like those pineapple Asians baby you know what I'm saying And they know their smile first over there their smile first baby and uh just beautiful culture god beautiful culture man And they're also the Native Americans of the island people don't realize that Hawaiian people they're like the Indian they're the son they're like the um They're really they're those salt water Indians baby they're over there there's those uh you know those uh Volcano they're the volcano um forefathers I mean those people are over there anybody that can do sex on the side of a volcano Bruh that is I've done drugs and I've tried to get erect on uh when I was you know on half an eight ball right Which is impossible dude I remember one time uh like just uh I've done some tough things to try to get erect but I uh What was I talking about oh but anybody that's brave enough to do do some serious fornicating on the side of a volcano

Bruh hats off to those people son hats off son so yeah shout out to beautiful Hawaiians bruh that right there they should win an award or whatever You know if the president don't give out that award you know the volcano because also you're you're doing sex on a damn uh You're on a damn gradient against lava it's I mean that's what it's that's they deserve an award um but oh at breakfast a guy died bruh A guy oh I can't even believe that that laugh just came out of me and that was that's Satan bruh um but a guy died at breakfast a guy met his maker And I don't know what he was having I didn't get a look at his plate but uh my friend had joined me we're sitting over there and we are um You know she was doing a crossword or doing whatever brought her some joy and there's a rambunction in the corner And I didn't know what it was I thought maybe it was one of those uh Charleston uh you know Charleston Charlies or whatever where they shake the guy's neck And they put the liquor in his face and they shake your stepdad's neck or whatever until he can't even breathe or something

And then they call it you know they're like uh hey you go fatty you know they say stuff like that to him but they put the liquor in his mouth and they got the whistle and shit And then they you know put take a picture or whatever and they put sell you like a magnet or whatever I thought it was that kind of thing because there's like a big rambunction But then I look over and they're yelling somebody's yelling 911 and I'm like that is that's old fashioned that doesn't make any sense really but um But then other people realized oh call 911 so because some guys just yelling 911 911 and I'm like oh man I don't know I guess it's I mean it's definitely how it works but it's uh just an older way of doing it So anyway people started calling 911 and then they just asked if anybody be a doctor here And dude when you're sitting there as a man you're like damn you realize you have no skills bro That's what I realized anyway I'm like damn they somebody there they had the man on the ground and I mean this brave guy came over

And uh and he's suddenly the bravest dude in the room because he knew skills to do CPR So he's doing it there's a nurse lady there she's doing it and they're just helping and then the rest of us are just sitting there And I just felt like oh man I don't have any life saving skills And there's something about that it hit you you're like damn all the things I've learned and I haven't learned this skill I haven't learned a real And the worst part oh here's the worst part so they're over there they say they got they're bringing him back and he goes back to the other side I mean he's just playing Red Rover with the devil over there you know or with the Lord I don't know his back story But that guy is just they're like you know send you know Andy or whatever you know Red Rover you know send and and they're just he's going back He's in and out and in and out and they're like we're losing and we're gaining and we're losing and we're gaining them

And um and I didn't know what to do dude and then this is the saddest part I just started eating again And I'm like oh my god am I the kind of guy that just eats when somebody's dying Oh man and so that kind of broke my heart I'm like and I remember just like I cut into this sausage patty And I'm like there's no way you're going to eat right now right because there was like it was obvious there was like a group of people that had gone over to help And if you can't help you got to stay out the way you can't be over there just you know light and candles or like you know somebody was there with his wife so everything you know all the corners were kind of covered And I said a few prayers but then I just started eating this sausage patty dude And it fuck honestly man it broke my heart I'm like do I I don't know it just there was something about it it was just a lot man I'm like oh And I had one bite I'm like there's no way I'm gonna have another bite because you can hear them doing the CPR and then I had another bite

And I'm like oh my god bro just stop eating just stop eating If there's any time where God is looking down at the earth to see what's happening it's when somebody's transporting through you know the portal between life and death is open here And this guy is about to frickin Andy doofrain his way up there and I'm sitting there eating bro oh it was so bad man oh it just felt weird so So that was that bro I want to let you know that your brain gets bad sometimes if you don't exercise And people say well that's not backed by science I'll tell you what it is backed by science And what's my proof I've done that and I've lived that and you know it so who we lying to who we talking about But what I want to tell you is having a routine helps as well and nothing helps that more than FitBod FitBod's innovative algorithm creates a dynamic fitness plan based on your personal goals equipment and fitness level

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But man I just love man I love the people I love the energy you know Just the kindness of the local Hawaiian people the culture You know it really does make you look back and wonder if like People taking over lands and like colonize it just what it all what it did to the nature of everything How much it disoriented that the heartbeat the original heartbeat of nature And how much it all got rattled off you know And how much it got distorted and reverbed and just you know unequalized and all of that whatever I don't know all the audio terms but it makes you wonder you know

And I'm not dis you know I'm not saying nothing bad if you know for anybody that's I mean whatever happened in the past happened But it does when you you know when you're in a place like Hawaii dog or Maui You know it's like you know you're just so close to nature it's like you're just fucking It's like you're in a damn hammock and each end of the hammock is one of nature's nuts bro and you're just right there God you feel like a damn dinosaur could come and clean your ass with his paw That's Maui man you're right there you're right there baby And they got shave ice and everybody's just you know somebody be dying and they're just like hey Surf's up you know just like you're dying like doesn't matter almost I'm out of here you know

So anyway beautiful vibe over there and and yeah that's what was going on in Maui I was grateful to be over there Didn't do any shows but thoroughly enjoyed myself and yeah and just grateful to people that came out To the shows that we did have in Tulsa and we popped in Oklahoma City just for a short one over there And then the one in Los Angeles But let's get into the news man we got some beautiful calls that came in from you guys and let's get into the news What do you got over there brother? See we got the story a couple robbed of $19,000 in watches, suspects, fleas and a Rolls Royce There you go to just say where in Los Angeles?

West Hollywood it looks like Hollywood baby well one of the issues that we deal with in Hollywood is in Hollywood you can't protect yourself anymore If you have a weapon somebody makes writes an article oh this person had a weapon you know and you're like oh anybody trying to defend themselves Or take care of themselves in Hollywood is look down upon oh you got a frying pan oh you got oh no that's an egg weapon That's what are you doing to eggs are you mistreating eggs in the morning like Mitch it's a frying pan Everything in this city you can't have nothing everything in Hollywood you can't have nothing they'll come oh you oh you got a strong chin You better check that at the airport I had a black friend I brought a black friend somewhere the other day they're like do you have a permit for that guy I said that's Andre bro what are you what

You can't have everything is dangerous here everything is dangerous man Hollywood I just never met a place like that So if the rich people are starting to pop off on rich people I'll look I'll buy a front row I'll watch that on zoom that's where I'm at with it It's about time man I'm tired of poor people having to do all the fighting I'm ready so if the rich verse the rich baby let's go I'm here for that what else do we have here Jarrah what else we got fired Arby's manager admits to urinating at least twice in milkshake mix please say This took place in Vancouver Washington Okay and look at let's be we knew this was happening We there's nobody who lays their head down at night on any decent pillow

and says honestly to themselves that Arby's employees are not urinating in the beverages there's no if you're honest with yourself you laid it later close your eyes right now and ask yourself are Arby's employees urinating in the beverages and you your heart will tell you yeah because that's where we are that's where and honestly that's where we've always been and the the craziest part is this kind of goes into that moment when or when an officer's like how many beers have you had and you always just say two don't say you've had more than two bro you've had more than two you know you left your kid in the car one day while you were at CVS you've had more than two beers but that's what it is like hey mr Arby's manager sir how many times have you urinated in the what was it milkshake mix

oh damn boy yes sir how many times have you urinated in the milkshake mix boy and oh just two I've only had two sir yeah we know you have more boy look I charge extra in half of these countries and shit they pay rich people are drinking piss man don't if you get bring them some piss from them Guatemala or somewhere foreign piss they'll sip it do this some of these high dollar political functions they're over there somebody's Samoyan off that frickin that nuts sniffed her dog you know what I'm saying off that that that that penis wine baby piss urine

so you know rich people they'll pay to drink that shit that's the craziest thing you go piss on a rich person they get mad but you piss in a jar and put it on a fancy website and nobody that's insane isn't it but yeah only twice in the milk there's no way first of all how frickin good does it have to feel to piss into a myth if you have things mixing up in like a beautiful and you just dousing it up dude I remember throwing parties in college and I would stand by the keg it was in the kitchen in the corner I'd stand there a couple hundred people at the house because we did it good at LSU at the Commons baby gang

gang son we threw that shit dude we threw somebody I remember I saw this one chick Belinda somebody shot a potato gun right and she was just looking for her keys right about 70 yards away and that thing caught her right in the neck boy old tot neck Belinda son damn baby she'd never been the same bruh she always she frickin can only look one way when she crosses the street now bruh she frickin that thing hooked her but anyway I hope she's doing good and we're talking about Jeremy you remember it we're talking about rps maybe oh rbs I see you saying that's a rb that's a play on lettering and I love it

yeah rbs dog if you and look I worked at a place oh yeah at my joint at the party we would fill cold beers up in a cup and then every now and then we would do a cup of urine pass it off across the party people didn't know those people are doing well now they have families that's God you know and it's just sometimes life gives you a lemonade sometimes you get that little bit of that piss at the Arby's and you knew that you knew you knew when you walked in Arby's there could be pissing something now that you definitely knew you knew when you walked in Arby's something I'm eating here probably got a little bit of that uh that body liquor in it you know what I'm saying

that frickin scrotum gin baby you don't talk about piss and one more thing about Arby's is why don't we have they need to put birth control in the meat why don't Arby's that needs to be the next thing that seemed like a perfect part of the Biden administration's uh you know insurance medical deal let's get birth control put into the meat at Arby's I mean how many people would vote for that everybody what else we got there Jair uh they had something with the breast milk I saw so yeah we got a Utah mom selling almost 4,000 ounces of breast milk as baby formula shortage continues

this happened in Utah Alissa Chitty has three freezers full of breast milk and look that's where we are now that's what I mean I'm telling you we are getting to a place where you can't count on these big companies anymore they're all in lawsuits there's two they don't know any what they're too disconnected from the customer so people going right off the bag now you want that you uh we got piss milkshakes we got fresh from I mean that is just from uh firm to table baby right there if you you go people going door to door shooting each other for uh breast milk titty milk men are trying to do you see a lot of gay men trying to and they're gonna have kids are just trying to uh do

ejaculate out of their nipples just crazy it's getting weird man and ladies if you got that strong hooter baby juice it out juice it out son especially Utah you up at that high uh elevation so if you don't think you can sell that high elevation freaking bee skeet baby you know what I'm talking about breast milk if you don't think you can sell that for a decent dollar baby then you're wrong honey if you're sitting around is doing word all day and you got them freaking uh them freaking forest lumps baby them damn fucking let's say furnaces just brewing you know women are always like I want to open up a business but you got two businesses right there

you got them freaking little sternum corporations baby juice them out juice them bitches I'll buy a hot gram of breast milk off of somebody and especially this is this is basic white Utah breast milk man that's just a basic homogenized shit you get into there you get a nice urban lady out there she got those extra red blood cells up in that up in the milk or you get a Native American lady and she got them you know what I'm saying she got the forefathers in the milk you know I'm saying you could really there's definitely a way to um what's that called uh uh it's a business thing

um there's definitely some uh it means like going up do you know what it is uh I don't I don't know trajectory yeah I don't know no no that's not a good guess uh verticals they call it verticals other ways you can make money on it but yeah if you uh yeah so there's well I mean there's definitely some upsells in there you know if you want that um if you want that extra breast milk you want that extra half ounce or you get the daytime milk or you want that night batch now a lot of ladies don't realize if you're slanging breast milk on the internet um then you can also slang that night batch you know that uh if you want to sell that nocturnal freaking uh that nocturnal nipple

beverage baby you know what I'm talking about teddy milk uh teddy milk uh we had this kid in our neighborhood he couldn't talk much but he could say teddy milk I'm gonna tell him teddy meh teddy meh teddy meh and we'd always be like what do you want you'd be like teddy meh teddy meh so anyway there's definitely a big market out there for it because look we're all becoming babies anyway you know I'm an adult baby half my friends are everybody I know damn I would look if I hit a vending machine and nobody was looking teddy meh I'd have me a little gang baby I don't think if we have any other news in that do we I don't think so praise god baby happy to be alive today and I'm happy to get into some of you

guys' calls um you know uh and I want to thank you guys that come out and support me man on the shows and just support me while watching this show um you know we had uh and just have been supportive man it has been a tough I've had a tough few years and I don't mean that and I'm complaining I just haven't been feeling great and uh you guys have been there with me the whole time and um and yeah we just we know we don't give up so I just want to say thank you uh from the inside of my heart baby you know what I'm saying from damn just deep in my damn just from the I mean just the real you guys are the piss in my milkshake so I love y'all all right uh let's get into some calls here um let you know also that we have

some new gang gang hoodies uh and teas that are available now at theo von store dot com we got the bobblehead that behead baby if you need them um you can get ahold of those uh at theo von store dot com thank you guys for supporting uh the podcast uh thank you for our patreon supporters and yeah the hotline is always if something's going on with you and um uh the hotline is 985-664-9503 uh we got some more help now working with the podcast too so excited to uh see how that works out and um just help get our just I feel like get the wheels back going and keep things going well um you know we got an important group here of uh humans and uh we gotta take care of uh we gotta take care of as much as

we can so trying to lean into that more and uh just grateful for you guys um let's take some calls here as always the hotline is 985-664-9503 um let's take one here here we go Hey Theo got yourself a little Covington single mama drama going on I can't believe you got the 985 my 985 touching your 985 right now anyway so it's Mother's Day morning and I'm just wondering what has a single mama got to do to get some good some good loving all these men are scared I mean for me personally I feel like if you got a single mom coming for you you know and like putting the heat on you it's like you already got half the equation figured out like you know she makes cute kids you know she cooks you know she's

responsible you know she could keep your offspring alive you know it's like what's the big what's the big question here you know I mean yeah look I mean I think well let me hear more let me hear more what's going on so you're trying to get a little action and you're from down there in Covington Louisiana and I appreciate the beautiful place there and I was conceived somewhere over there near the Chifuncta River over there and a lot of snakes around there and a lot of mosquitoes malaria was big when I was young and what else rabies definitely down there in the bottom of the rabies belt let's hear more why is everybody so you know terrified single moms or maybe it's just me maybe it could it could it could

just be me but there was somebody that I got a little involved with and he told me that he was this big theovon fan I was like oh I know that guy from Covington I don't know you but I know that you from Covington me too anyway I was like well shit I'm going to have to call this motherfucker and find out what kind of message in you given these boys and they're going out on the street saying yeah theovon theovon big fan of single moms single moms you know it's Mother's Day Eve I sent that booty call it was just me and the magic wand this morning man dang baby girl dang dang well also if you're giving your body away to that magic wand all the time then you know I think a lot of men can sense that

a lot of men can sense sometimes if if that garden has been hand dug or if it's somebody's been using a rotor on it so that could be could be something I don't know now that's just I'm just gesticulating or verb I'm just speaking but now look if you if you met a guy he said he's a theovon fan he's uh he's texting you and stuff but he's not coming over and putting it down that sounds like a theovon fan you know what I'm saying girl that's what we do baby we front it up but we don't back it up a lot of times you know what I'm saying especially look if he's if he probably jerked off on the way over there if I'm real honest with you dude I was in love one time with this girl and the problem was it was 17 miles to get

to her place and this was out near Covington and if you went up north of Covington and 17 miles when you all horned out you know when you really young and just full of just bust you know I mean you just nuts are just made out of damn just God's dynamite baby you know what I'm talking about semen and when you are just just your nuts are just rationed up to the top with that sweet cream can I have some I mean is only you can't drive 17 miles without pulling over and relieving yourself somewhere near a damn mile marker you know if you want to bet $40 that I haven't eject on the back of a damn mile marker then you going to lose your money I'm going to tell you that right now baby you know what I'm

saying 36.5 baby so yeah look I'm just saying that could that could have been it the guy is so nervous he can't even handle all you know it's hard to drive when your body's full of the devil's fever it's hard to drive that sickness across town without pulling over to relieve it so but yeah we appreciate the call there lady and we hope somebody comes over and gets that throbbing and really just rob that throbbing right out of your crotch for you and yeah we'll get back to doing some stuff for some single moms and stuff soon or single dads we've had some callers talk about that and we're going to get back into some of that you know it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel that's

the fact man when you have high interest debt that's a double fact man when you have debt but you're also paying a high interest rate it just hurts you it hurts your dang hurt your dang nuts in your back saying goodbye to high interest credit card debt is one of the first steps towards financial independence but the interest month after month can feel like you're in a never ending hamster wheel that's where upstart comes in we've all been there seemingly out of nowhere you get hit by an unexpected expense or bill when that happens it can feel like the weight of the world is coming down luckily upstart helps their personal powered loans can help you pay down high interest debt all done online

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upstart.com slash Theo look after years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers if we've learned anything it's that there's always a catch so when I first heard that meant mobile was offering premium wireless at just 15 bucks a month I said what's the catch well meant mobile doesn't have a retail store so they cut out that brook and mortal you don't have to do that anymore they're the first company to sell wireless service only online only that's right for anyone who hates their phone bill meant mobile offers premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month switch to meant mobile get premium wireless all plans come with unlimited talk and text

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galaxy no I don't know what else let's hear more I'm getting out of the army I'm going back home to good old fucking Palmdale California Palmdale CA I did a comedy show up there one time and almost got abused actually in a parking lot up there onward kind of a bit better sweet feeling but I don't know man I feel like I failed a lot in my army career and the career that I've had a chance in before the army I was

supposed to be a part of you know the music industry all this shit and I pissed it all because you know bad habits and drugs and thinking that was Mr. fucking know it all but I don't know what what what kind of I'm kind of asking like what what do you do make yourself make yourself feel like not like a failure I guess you could say like I'm just struggling man because everywhere I turn I feel like I fuck it up I feel like I'd never get anything right man so a little bit of advice would help man

thanks for the call man and I'm sorry that you're feeling like that I want to let you know right off the bat you have you know you sound like a confident young man you sound like you got a good voice on your strong throat you're able to speak you know you have I just want to remind you you're calling because you care about yourself you're trying to take action so those are all really cool things you're doing for yourself man so a failure doesn't do any of that well for myself I you know sometimes my own perception I can't rely on it

because my perception is too harsh on me my perception doesn't remember the wins that I do my perception chooses to not make me the hero sometimes and I don't mean in an egotistical way it chooses to not give me the benefit of the doubt you know sometimes I treat myself in ways that I would never treat somebody else so that so so so I have to then ask other people I have to get people around me that I trust and ask them you know what what do you think is going on here

am I okay am I am I a failure you know and I have to take their word for it and I have to and if I trust those people and take their word and I believe them believe that they care about me then I know that they would tell me the truth and so sometimes I'm my own this is as as much of a bummer as it is to say my own perception is not the best place for me to get a judgment of myself I think we live in a time in an environment where

we don't know the effects of seeing so much of ourselves all the time and of how much of we are getting our perception from the outside instead of the inside where it used to come from which I think was a much healthier place and as far as being a failure man I'll tell you what a failure somebody doesn't try I know I mentioned that but a failure a failure isn't somebody that's trying to figure out what's going on with themselves you know I feel like I feel like a failure all the time man I compare myself to my friends I look at certain things I look at what you know this isn't perfect this is I'm a failure

man I'm a failure what the fuck is wrong with you you know why can't you do things right why can't and the truth is some of that that voice isn't really mine man that's not a good that's not a good it's not safe for me to really even listen to that voice inside of me because yeah failure doesn't try

you know a failure doesn't try man and so I know that by even make you're trying to see what's going on you're trying so those things didn't work out that's okay but now if we don't learn from those things and that's where we start to see patterns where it's like man I'm not a failure but I am a repeater now that's one thing I look I'll be a dang repeater dog you know I'll piss in my own milkshake a lot of times

and I'll sit there and swig on it and pretend I didn't man but after a while I gotta realize that some of this urine taste it's causing me so you know you might be making some missteps here or there but you also might just be making some steps you know a step isn't always a step is always positive but it's not always forward you know it could be you know I don't know

I'm just saying man that you're trying bro and failures don't try and you're learning things you're gonna take these pieces of what you've learned you might take a piece of the military and a piece of the music you know you might build a machine gun that shoots songs at people you know and just hit somebody with a damn you know you may hit somebody with a damn first class you know you might damn just you know do a drive by at a

at a um you know somewhere in every next you know everybody's singing Aerosmith you know I'm saying you might invent something that you don't you just don't know what the pieces that you are doing what those are gonna be used for so I don't think you're failing man I think you're learning though I hope you are you know and I think you're training for whatever the best you is gonna be

and I know it's hard man I know it's hard you know but just don't feel like you're alone and uh and just don't give up man and if nothing changes nothing changes you gotta remember that you know and uh

for myself you know I get back in a 12 step I you know I've recently really leaned back into my recovery program and um there's even little moments during this podcast where I feel more like myself than I have in years and uh and yeah I got therapy today I'm gonna talk to my sponsor later today um I'm putting things in place for me that I know are gonna help me have a better

future that are gonna help me take care of myself and I don't even want to really sometimes you know the craziest thing is sometimes I don't even want to take care of myself there's a part of me that doesn't even want to take care of me um because I think some of that part of me is just like oh this was somebody else's job a long time ago and they never did it and I why do I have to still be doing this job

you know um but I can't let that part of me win uh not today anyway so but look man I love you bruh and I'm proud of you and thank you for your service dude thank you for going and trying you know how many times I sit around regretting that I didn't even try

you might be able to go back in sometimes you know fuck just put on some high boots and listen to two episodes of Jocko bruh you know I'm saying you're not in the military but you fuckin you'll scale your neighbor's fence and attack that bastard at a barbecue I know that shit bruh that shit will get you dialed up son but um thank you guys for being a part of my life we're looking for some new jobs we want to have people call in too

do we know any of those what are some of those uh that we were looking at if you know someone who is a unique personality that does cornering somebody that does corner at core coronering dealing with the death right there that last little guy that this that that fella that tickles you at the finish line if you know somebody that does that

and has a unique personality and uh yeah if there's a retired homicide detective we'd like to speak with one um somebody that's Amish done full Amish or part we want full I don't want no fake Amish in here you know what I'm saying uh we want full Amish or Mennonite and we also looking for somebody uh that um

has somebody who has been a long time employee a 7-11 employee we're looking for in a uh in a unique area we want somebody that's really been through the shit and those people can email in the producer email what is it TPW producer at Gmail TPW producer at Gmail if you have somebody to recommend uh for those things

um and what should they send in what's the best way for them to send something how do they I would uh I would put something in the uh title line that stands out maybe the name of your job um and then just put uh location uh contact years of experience and anything else that you might want to add okay great yeah and if you're recommending someone you could also get a video with them or something and send it in there to the email

but look man I love you guys thank you guys for being a part of my life uh we're gonna go out the same way we came in you know I like this music just kind of fit me feel lifted up and this is uh there is a light by the stone keepers um we had a lot of great calls we'll get to some of them next time as well if you haven't checked out the uh trauma restoration man go get a inkling of him um if you know another good trauma restoration man who's really been through some unique things you might be able to submit them as well um but check that episode we got Tim Dillon coming up soon

and uh looking forward to a lot of great guests but uh you guys also hit the hotline let me know what job you do what do you do where do you listen to the episode at just put that in the voicemail nine eight five six six four nine five zero three um y'all keep my step down in your prayers this week he's going in for surgery and uh and um and I'm keeping him in mind you guys be good to yourselves baby and uh love you guys gang you deserve it baby

this is there is a light by stone keepers and David Manuel Manuel Manuel Manuel Manuel uh galaxy come on baby come on let's do it baby oh we can be free