This Past Weekend - E409 Rail Baby

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Theo returns with a long-awaited solo episode. He talks about shooting a movie this summer, new science on the female orgasm and more. He also takes some time to listen to your voicemails and catches up with a fan who was hit by a train and survived.  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. https://www.amazon.com/stores/CELSIUS/ShopNow/page/95D581F4-E14E-4B01-91E7-6E2CA58A MintMobile: Visit https://mintmobile.com/theo to get premium wireless from just $15 per month. ShipStation: Visit https://shipstation.com to get a free 60 day trial with code THEO. Geologie: Visit https://geolog.ie/THEO to get 70% off with code THEO. Lightstream: Visit https://lightstream.com/theo to get a special interest rate discount.  ------------------------------------------------- Music: "The Come Up" by Eddie 9v: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jHN09U2420 ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [e-mail] Hit the Hotline: [phone] Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/?hl=en   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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All right. Good day, baby. Welcome back or welcome forward. I don't know where you are, I don't know where you are, but I'm happy to be here. We've got a fire episode today. We've got a lot of calls have come in. We haven't done a solo episode in a while, so it's about time, I feel like, and just a lot of beautiful information and intel to get into. Just beautiful information and intel to get into. I mean, it's just a damn little Christmas, I feel like, in September today. We're back together.

We got Dalton is going to be calling in. You remember Dalton, that beautiful little rail monkey? He got hit by that train a while back, and he got trained out, baby. We're grateful. He's going to call in. We're going to have him on the line and talk to a real human miracle and see what that's like to just get that close, baby. I mean, just get on the damn fingertips of the Lord. We're going to find out. I'm grateful to be here with you guys. And I mean that. And let's get into it. Feels real good after I've been so blue He's on a combo I'm on a combo

It feels so good to have a brand new view He's on a combo Well I just broke up with my baby Now I can finally get the love in you yeah well I just walked up the lucky street when the mayor came and said to me you're on the

come up you're on the come up and it's plain to see between you and me we got so much love and chemistry it's plain to see between you and me We got so much love and chemistry It's gonna come up It's gonna come up That right there, baby, if you like that little warmer,

if you like to just set your damn ear kettles on that warmer, baby, that's Eddie, 9-volt on the come up. And that's what I got to remind myself volt on the come up. And that's what I got to remind myself because there's two ways to go, baby. There's two ways to go and I got to remind myself I'm on the come up. And so are you. Happy September as we migrate into the future. We are just, I mean, damn, we're just like a worm.

Just eat, just, you know, worms just eat the dirt. Did you know that? A lot of people are like, well, how does the dirt get from the front of the worm to the back of the worm? The worm eats the dirt and duties the dirt through the back. And that's what we're doing, baby. We're those fucking time worms, baby. We're just cruising, baby. We're cruising, cruising through time together out here.

And it's happening fast, man. Isn't it happening fast? Hell, you put your ear up to the future, you could hear the day, you know, you put your ear up to the wind, you could hear the damn trick-or-treaters getting ready. You could hear somebody, you know, dusting off a damn Dracula mask.

You could hear somebody whipping up a pot of fake blood, baby. People are getting ready. It's happening, man. It's autumn. The tree's about to get naked, dog. That's pretty crazy when you think about it. All summer and all spring, the trees are like, oh oh i'm wearing this i'm wearing this and then bam boy all them bitches out there in the damn wood orgy everything's out there man

all these birds thought they're hiding suddenly you see them bitches they're like oh fuck we better fly to florida It's that time, baby. It's that time. You know, I really, I do enjoy this time of year. I enjoy when you go from that, there's that week where it's like still hot and then bam. Surprise, you wake up one morning and you feel winter just, you know, because autumn is just winter's little fucking puppy. That's all it is. That's just winter taking a damn little dog for a walk.

That's all autumn is. Autumn lasts a half hour in some places. You go up to Maine, you go up to damn Anarica. What a rica what is it and not a rica no what's the top of the country called to the whole globe that's antarctica baby antarctica you go to antarctica baby that's fall lasts about nine minutes up in that bastard. That's a quick, you know, damn, you can't even finish your coffee, son. And winter's there, boy, and that thing will eat your ass, bro. That thing will eat your ass with nine knuckles, baby.

What's happening? A lot's been going on. We haven't done a solo episode in a while. We're out here in the Central East. We have... We've had an exciting run of guests recently. We just had... Tony Canaan on, and he is an IndyCar driver. And he's from Brazil.

Tony Kanaan on, and he is a IndyCar driver, and he's from Brazil. And I got to go riding out with Mario Andretti. He took me for a scoot out in one of his damn little bus buggies, baby. We were out there. We hit about, I think, 200-something miles an hour. I mean, I could fucking, I could taste the enamel in the back of my throat from my own teeth, bro. That shit really, that shit will clear your sinuses, bro, high speed. What else?

We got to, we went down, Joe Rogan came on the podcast. If you didn't hear that episode, that was pretty cool. That was really pretty cool, man. He had texted me and invited me to go on his show, and I was like, yeah, thanks, I'd love to come, and then I was like, well, I know I got a space on mine that week, I said, and I was kind of nervous to text, but I was like, maybe you, you should, we'd love to have you on ours, and, and so that was exciting, And so that was exciting. Got to go and do that.

Bobby Lee came on. That beautiful little Unagi, bro. That little Vietnam survivor, you know. And sometimes, boy, I fucking just. That little Ponzu, little Muppet. Sometimes I just want, man, I fucking just. That little ponzu, little Muppet. Sometimes I just want, man, I'll take that dude. I'll drop him off at every damn VFW in America and let some old boys in there finish up on him. You know what I'm talking about.

Ewo Gima, daddy. Praise God, brother. What else has been happening with me? Uh, Oh, we got to shoot, shoot a film. We shot a, a movie or a film, film, movie, film, movie. Uh, we shot, we shot that. That was interesting. You know, at first I didn't really want to do it because it's a lot of time. It's just a lot of time. And I don't like giving up my time, honestly. It's a pretty selfish way to be.

It's nice that sometimes you have to do it, but I don't like, sometimes I just want to keep, I kind of, you know, I want to keep my time to myself. You know, I keep my time all in like a little, you know, I'm that little second Santa. I got all my seconds in a bag on my back, baby. And I might, you know, take that satchel off and get a minute out to somebody. Give seven, eight minutes to a little dime, a little dame, a little beauty over there. Maybe give, you know, four or five minutes to your boy over there. But otherwise, I like to keep my time to myself, man.

So for me, that was a new experience just saying, okay, I don't know what this is going to be like. I'm going to commit to doing it. And so – and I was glad that I did. We just had a nice time. I got to do like this kind of like – not fighting scene, but it was like this kind of like wrestling kind of scene with Johnny Knoxville. kind of scene with Johnny Knoxville. And, uh, and that was, you know, I thought it would be all hard. I'm thinking like, all right, how do I look like angry, but I'm, I'm fighting or I'm, you know, you know, do I make like a face and I'm just thinking of all this, like, what will I do? You know, will I, you know, do I have to be real angry do I need to call somebody

and call them a bitch or something first or will I just feel angry like how will I make it all work and we got there and it just everything rolled out pretty cool you know I didn't I didn't I didn't

overanalyze it too much. Just did it. And Bobby Lee was there, so that made it a lot of fun just getting to be around him every day. Because he's newly single. You know, he and his lady, you know, they went their separate ways. And so he's, you know, I mean, he's,

most of the day he's on the just hunting leg on the phone and internet. I mean, damn, that dude. He had people, he had put some calling out on his social media, on his podcast for, you know, I guess women to send him pictures of tits and you know cooter or whatever booty booty cooter all of it i don't even know um and damn men were sending him stuff and so he didn't know until each time he clicked on the picture and sometimes it's a damn you know that you know it'd just be one long tit you know with some nuts on it like damn bro that's a damn g cup. That thing, that thing is a, that's a unique looking tit. Cause he was getting sent everything. Um,

but that was a nice experience. I'm glad that I did it. Um, and what else, man? We went, Oh, I went and visited my brother out there in Utah. And it was in southern Utah, right by Mount Zion Park. And it is, I mean, it's beautiful, man. It's like Mother Nature's, you know, whatever it's called, club. I mean, if she got her finest, everything, it just, every mountain, every mountain Hill, every little thing, it just, damn, it's fine as hell, bro. You know, you just want to suck your own nuts, bro. It's just, it's just that kind of place. Mount Zion. If you get a chance to go there. And my brother had moved out there.

He lives in Springville or Springdale, right outside of the park, or Rockville. And we had some fresh raccoon. He shot a couple of coons out there. And so we had some fresh raccoon, squirrel, dove, and I'd eaten dove before. You know, when I was young, I had a couple brothers that lived by the apartments, and they grilled up a couple doves one time for Mother's Day. And I had some of that with them. What else?

What else did we do? Yeah, that's just kind of what's been going on. Just thank you guys for staying supportive of the cast and keeping things going. I still got my sober days going right now. I have, let me see, feeling pretty good. Look on my little app. I have 156 days. So that's been nice to just, you know, feel a part of something. Yeah, and it's been interesting, man, going to those meetings and stuff, you know, and just hearing other people talk honestly. You know, sometimes when other people speak real, real honestly about themselves, about what's going on with them, it allows me to think honestly about what's going on with me. It's like sometimes I can't really, it's hard for me to get a clear perception of myself or to think really like real clearly unless there's, but sometimes in the recovery meetings,

if somebody's sharing real honestly about what's going on with them, then I can, I don't know, my brain just feels, or my emotions just feel safe to like give me like a real insight into what's going on with me. So a lot of times it's real nice to go to those meetings and just listen, you know, and just hear. And it's funny because sometimes people will put into words what I could, I can never, it's like, I'll have little pieces of, of what I'm trying to feel,

but I can't get the mosaic right. You know, I can't get the, I can't get it to really jangle and then somebody else will, they'll say it and they'll have just, I mean, they put all my pieces together. It's like, oh man, thank you so much. I've just had these pieces, you know? Um, so that's one thing that I really love about the meetings. Um, what else? I want you guys to hit the hotline and just, I want to know who's listening to this show. Just tell me what you do. It doesn't have to be really long. This is Ricky, and I work at Build-A-Bear. I'm an associate or I'm a fur handler, whatever it is. Do it.

And just hit the hotline. Leave that. I'd love to know who's listening. I feel nervous. I haven't done this kind of like a solo episode in a while. So I don't know why I feel nervous about it, but that's okay. It also could be excitement. Sometimes excitement like hot, like it's, we think it's nerves,

but it's just like, it's just excitement. You know, I think we get, we immediately sometimes, or I immediately sometimes will say it's anxiety, but fuck, I might just be a little psyched up about it. You know, it's been a while. It's been a while since I've gotten to sit here and be in this seat and be a part of this program. So I'm grateful for that. All right, let's get into a little bit of news here.

We got some news that has come in. I thought this was pretty fascinating. Florida governor defends migrant flights to Martha's Vineyard suggests more to come. So here's what happened is DeSantis, who is a governor in Florida. And I always think it's interesting how like if somebody there's a problem somewhere, people don't know about it elsewhere, but they'll have an idea about it. They'd be like, Oh, well, this is what they should do. This is what they should do. But you, until it's right there with you, then it, then suddenly it's, you get a real concept of what the issues are. So that's why I think this is pretty fascinating. I mean, it's definitely a little bit gangster to be using humans and shifting them around.

But it's interesting now that it's suddenly a Martha's Vineyard. You just imagine just, you know, 50 low-key, just loc'd out fucking visitors just hanging out. That's the part to me that, see, because I love anything that bothers fucking rich people. I love that shit. If you could bother the rich, man, if you could fucking tickle the rich with dirty fingernails, bitch, I love that shit. So I think anytime you can drop off a couple of essays

up in Martha's Vineyard, baby, let's do it. That's what I'm saying. You know, you got MS-13. Suddenly you got MV-13, baby. You got Martha's Vineyard 13, baby. You know, that's when shit's going to get weird. So, yeah, I just, because then people get to see what issues are like. We had a Border Patrol agent on here at one point, I remember.

And he was in charge of the Arizona border for a long time. I can't remember how long, maybe 17 years. And he was saying one of the biggest problems on the border was that people were coming over, good people and bad people were coming over. And they weren't prosecuting. People were coming over and they weren't prosecuted. Like even if they arrested the people, like two weeks later, they were coming right back because there was no like legislation happening where they were actually like the executive branch wasn't prosecuting them. And you don't until you talk to somebody who's from there, you don't really have a good idea of what's going on. So that's why I like this. I wished it was like buses of different problems from different areas that were just kind of cruising around the country and they drop

somebody else's problem off in your area for a while. And then they take your problems and drop them off over there. Then they take, um, you know, like in Maine, maybe they got beached whales or something issue. and then they dropped them bitches off in idaho and they're like damn bro you know and i just think it would be interesting if different buses were just just like oh shit here come this fucking trouble bus and you see whose problem it is today you know like damn they got, you know, like women aren't shaving under their arms in Oregon or whatever, or in like, you know, somewhere. And then them bitches get out. You're like, dang, bro. I didn't know it was like that. So I think it would be interesting if there was a whole system of this

going on. So that's something that I think I would like to see in the future is just like a whole kind of different issues from different areas kind of cruising around. That way everybody could get a little bit of a taste and see. Because then when you vote on a national level and you have an idea of your whole country, you get like a real idea of what real, of what people's issues are. You know, and for me, a lot of that stems, people talk about racism all the time. And, um, and they're like, what, you know, I'll hear people like in California talk about like the South, uh, but they, they, they're not, they didn't, they didn't grow up in South. They don't understand some of the intricacies and like the boots on the ground, um, every day, uh, existence of living in a place that's had a lot of racism, um, or black and white racism maybe.

And so I think sometimes that's crazy to me. It's like, well, but you don't know. You don't live. You don't have an understanding. You may have like a vision of it and information, but until you get that understanding. So I like that, man. Maybe it's just some understanding buses.

That's not it. It's not like a problem bus. It's like, okay, here comes some understanding buses. We're about to understand this shit, you know? And then it drops off and it's like a surprise. You're like, oh, fuck, man. So I don't know. I think that that could be pretty interesting.

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That's two months free. Visit ShipStation.com, click the microphone at the top, and type in code Theo. ShipStation. Make ship happen. A little more news here. station. Make ship happen. A little more news here. The female orgasm, that gasm, baby, that Betty bust, you know what I'm talking about? It says female emission at orgasm. You know, these are talking about women, those gun uh, those gunners, baby, you know, the ejaculators, some women, they'll damn, you know what I'm saying? They could really, uh,

they really, you know, they got that, that fricking, uh, they got that, that cooter gleek, you know what I'm talking about? These women are squirters. They call them gunners. I don't like using that kind of language, but they're real gunners, baby. You know what I'm saying? They'll damn, they got that bidet just built into their, you know, bidussy. You know what I'm talking about? They just, you know, they'll damn, they could wash off the back of a moth at probably fucking eight feet. wash off the back of a moth at probably fucking eight feet. But the female emission at orgasm is confirmed in a new study that the fluid that is released is from the bladder.

There's long been a lot of chatter over the years that it was, you know, female, you know, they had like a special, you know, you know, semen pocket in them or something. I don't know. But or that it was tears like a lot of women, you know, have a lot of tears built up in them. And then they just gun out all these tears at you. But a lot of us knew that it was urine. I mean, it was urine. And so there's a new study that was done. It was urine.

And so there's a new study that was done. If you haven't heard about this, and this is the International Journal of Urology. It says five women, two in their 30s, two in their 40s, and one in their 50s. Dang, baby. Dang. Grandma got that super soca. They participated in this study. All women were able to squirt. They was these gunners and three of them gunned out with sexual stimulation and two of them with penetrative sexual stimulation. So one of them was just kind of reading the Braille, or two of them were just reading the Braille,

and the other three were using the pencil. And what they did was they injected the women with a blue dye into their bladders so they could tell what was what. They drained them first, it says. A catheter was inserted before sexual stimulation and the bladder was empty. So they drained these babes. And then a mixture of indigo and saline

was injected into the bladder. Sexual stimulation was provided and it was videotaped and verified. Some perv out there running this deal and uh the secretions were collected in sterile cups and it was found the main component of squirt fluid is urine urine so there you go we knew it was uh. I say piss or pee-pee, but I say piss also mostly. We knew it was piss, and it is. If you didn't think it was piss, I think you're a real creep.

You knew it was piss. It was pee. So anyway, yeah, that's what women have been doing. They've been pissing. Secret, that's what women have been doing. They've been pissing. Secret, that's really a secret. It's a top, you know, it's a real, it's that backup bladder though. Damn, when you got that, that thing will really, somebody can water a plant, you know, or just dampen a, you know, dampen a damn. I knew this one gal, she could dampen probably an eighth of a loaf of Pepperidge Farm, bro.

This bitch really had that. She had that baby hose backed up in her. All right. So that's a little bit of news. What else? I want to let you know that October 4th through 7th, coming over there to Lexington, Kentucky. Over there, they got beautiful broads and horses and women. October 11th, Wichita, Kansas.

I believe that sold out. They're almost gone for the second show there. October 13th and 14th, Omaha and Denver. Those are sold out. We will add some more dates for those, but it won't be until the spring. November 3rd through 6th in San Diego at the Balboa Theater. I think the fifth show is up now. We sold out four shows. Thank you guys so much. It's just, man, I'm really excited and it's going to be great.

I'm excited to be back up there and get out and see you guys. All those available, I'm excited to be back up there and get out and see you guys. All those available, theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. A new story came out about the 25 most dangerous jobs based on data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. So I peeped these up, and the number five one was garbage collectors. You don't think about it as being that dangerous, but you know, that truck likes to chomp. That truck will eat anything. I think we'd a damn baby stroller. That bitch will eat an ex-wife if you, you know, if you, you know, did something wrong

to her, you know, uh, so that, you know, that thing doesn't really have much of a conscience on it. And it also people throw a lot of, you know, semi bad food out in the garbage. So I'm sure you cruise on the back of that thing. Somebody threw a batch of bad shrimp in there. And at first, if you're like me, if you're in a car, you see some food or something like I'm not going to have any. But for some reason, three minutes later, I'm eating it. Doesn't matter what. It's like that Gordettos or whatever.

That shit, I hate it. You put it back by me. I look at it. I say, oh, I hate that. Three minutes later, I'm eating it. I'm eating these little midget toasts made for damn elves or whatever. I'm eating it. I'm making a little fucking sandwich and putting a little peanut between.

I'm eating it. So I can imagine it's the same thing. When you're out back there, you're hiding on the back of that G truck. They always got two freaking little recycle bunnies hanging off the back of that bitch. And you forget.

Somebody, you know, somebody threw in some bad shrimp. You out there a mile later, you fucking have two of them. Next thing you know, you you six feet under the sea, baby. That's it. Bad shrimp. Take anybody out. A king or a pauper. So I could really see how that is the number five job that is unhealthy for people. the number five job that is unhealthy for people. The number four most toughest, most dangerous job, roofers. It says right here, roofers. You know, them little lid monkeys, baby. If you want to put a top on something, they're trying to shut everything down and close

everything in if you're a roofer. I remember we used to invite this one kid over to play at the house, and me and my buddy, we would call him and invite him. He lived across the street, but then we'd get up on the roof with a couple pellet guns and just spice him up, spice his skin up when he walked over. He already had this little fella. He wasn't little, but he had some bone density deal going on, and so part of him was little, and part of him was big, you know, he was just kind of that little, that little wobble rabbit, you know, that little shake it like a song shit, you know, he just had that built into him, and we're still all friends

and shit, it was just childhood shit. But if we didn't have a roof, that kind of shit don't happen. So I'm not shocked that roofing gets real, real dangerous overall. Number three, we have Derek operators in oil and gas mining. And that doesn't surprise me. That's dangerous because I mean, natural gas, that's basically mother nature has got a, it's just a fart that's hiding inside of mother nature. That's all it is, man. Natural gas, all that is, man. So you're telling me, say you're laying somewhere, right? you're laying somewhere, right? And some dude rolls up with a needle and sticks it in your body and tries to suck a damn butt puff right out of you, bro. Dude, I beat the elbows off that dude.

He won't be able to hug anybody. He won't be able to hug correctly for damn 18 months. So that's all mother nature. Look, that's danger. If you're trying to just, you know, so that's all mother nature look that's danger if you're trying to just you know suck a big dirt puff right out of mother nature's abdomen then you get you get side swiped by her or whatever i'm not surprised she's beating people's asses and and and really causing hell and causing fatal accidents as fatal accidents so that don't shock me man any creep trying to suck something out of mother nature's gut is a real freak. I think they a real booty freak, nature style. This is, I can't tell if this is getting boring to me or not,

but number two, aircraft pilots. And it says private helicopter and aircraft pilots. And I think the issue with them, why it could be dangerous, because there's not as much with commercial pilots. There's more checks and balances. There's other pilots that they are all going to the airport with. But private, you just call your guy. Hey, I'm ready to go.

We're leaving in eight hours. We're leaving in three hours. And he could be doing anything. He could be hopped up on a couple of blue shoes, half an eight ball, whatever. So now next thing you know, he's up there. He's navigating, you know, the rich. That's the rich, man. If you get rich, it gets risky.

You know, there's a cost to beat a boss. And so that's what I think they get. They get these pilots that they're ready to go, but they could have been up to no good right before. and so that's what I think they get. They get these pilots that they're ready to go, but they could have been up to no good right before. So you get some dude up there. He's still all geeked up on some of that fucking nose broth, baby. You know what I'm saying?

Liquid cocaine, and he's on damn hinge up there. He's swiping on matches. And the next thing you know, he swipes your fucking Learjet into the side of a mountain. So I think that's the issue with that, I would imagine. And the last one here is logging workers. Logging workers,

I mean, you just get a real, a lot of people that are trying to stay off the grid. A lot of people. And it's not really the tree you got to worry about that much. Because a tree only has two moves. It has the fall. And then the real most dangerous move of a tree, the roll. People don't think about that bitch. People yell timber and it falls, then it fucking rolls over nine people.

Because they don't have a, nobody thought of another thing for after timber. That's really just ignorance. So you get that timber, but you don't get that double up on the roll. People getting damn rolled out. You know, all of a sudden, you know, fucking stepdads flat and y'all poor. So it's just, you know, they don't have a good plan for that, I think, with logging. And the secondary issue is this, man. A lot of just crawdad humans out there.

I work with this dude, Ronnie, bro. And they call him Big Hat Ronnie. And he was a brother and he had mental retardation and me and him got hired and um I was supposed to be the boss but he didn't understand what that meant so you know and he was bigger than me anyway and so we were both fucked we're about you know we're out there doing work for my buddy Richard who actually died. But we're out there. And this dude, bro, once they lit that saw up, they gave him that bitch, he fucking cut everything, bro.

This dude cut fucking bird feeders in half, cutting fucking fences open. Didn't give a shit. He cut open a damn chain link fence, bro. This dude, man, he probably hit four trees in about maybe half an afternoon. This dude would cut a new fucking bathroom into your fucking kitchen. This dude didn't give a shit, bro. So, and he loved the Lakers.

He loved the Lakers. I remember that. And I hope he's doing well, too. And he'd walk to work. That dude would leave for work at 4.30 and get to work at fucking 7, bro. And he'd walk to work. That dude would leave for work at 4.30 and get to work at fucking 7, bro. That dude walked to work. Just greased out, natural God's grease, baby, sweat.

And he just liked once that fucking gas fumes hit him and that fucking little baby, that little, just that spinning scissor sword, bro. He'd fucking cut anything. Fucking cut the damn earth open, dude. He didn't give a shit, bro. So I can see how logging is dangerous because the trees and then the people you're doing it with. They're fucked.

What else? We got some great calls that came in. In the hotline, as always, 985-664-9503. We've had some good calls that came in. Here we go. Hey, Theo. So I've been thinking. I've been single about nine months now.

My fiance cheated on me with a dude. So I obviously broke that off. Thought I was disgusted. But so he, the thing that gets me, right, he says that it was only sexual and that since it wasn't emotional, it's not gay. I don't understand. What do you think? For me, I think it's fucking gay. If he's a tranny, which I guess he said he was, and he has a penis, it's gay, right? Definitely gay. I mean, maybe if they transitioned and have the vagina, but it's not. But I don't know. Just a question that's kind of eaten me up.

Thank you for the call, first of all. And I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I appreciate you sharing it. I think this is a big topic in America right now and in the entire world. I think what your boyfriend or your male boyfriend or whatever, I think what he's doing is called considering gay or attempted gay because it's not really, I'm going to go and be gay and do gay. It's more like I'm going to, he's kind of just, he's just wandering into the car wash a little, you know. He's just kind of looking at the different sponges and seeing how, you know, different things soak

and how the suds kind of roll off of different edges and things, it seems like. And so I don't know if that's gay, you know, because he might like, some guys like that. I hear a lot about it. You would be surprised. I hear a lot about men. They like the titties and they like to have that little wand kind of wandering around, that little doorstop on it, you know, because a lot of, um, trans penises aren't fully functional. And you can correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't know anything, but a lot of trans, uh, people's penises, they're not fully functional penises. They are kind of part-time wieners or they are, some of them are not functional. It's just like mistletoe for the, for that b-hole,

baby, for that butthole. So it's just a little bait and then you, you know, you hit them with that b-hole, baby. So maybe he could just be super curious. You, he may want you to do some new stuff. He may want you to put on a fake wiener or fake, um, dick and do something with him, you know, or hit him with some fake dicks or something while y'all are having sex. I don't know. I don't know what he might want. while y'all are having sex?

I don't know. I don't know what he might want. You know? You could, I don't know. You could write dick on your arm and fucking hit him with it. I don't know what kind of stuff he's into. I don't know. But it doesn't seem like he's just trying to be gay.

It seems like he's just kind of, just, you know, I'll say it like this. When I was young, they had, I'll say it like this. When I was young, they had, everybody went to the water fountain. But there were some guys that would go to the water fountain and they would put their mouth on the thing and they would just take it all. They didn't want to miss nothing.

They didn't want to miss a damn drop. They would suck it right out the fucking machine. You could hear the machine squeal a little. Sometimes a big guy got on it. So you might just have a, and I don't know if those men grew up to be gay or if they just like to get all the, they just like to get their water different.

So you might not have a gay man. You just might have a man who likes to drink a little different than you. So it might just be more conversation you need to have with this gentleman because if anything, he's just sounding like a real curious man. But I wish you the best of luck. It's hard out there. It's hard for everybody who's, you know, looking for love. It's just a real lost and found, too, especially as we get older.

You're like, damn. You know, this sweater has blood in it. You know, you're like, what is it? It's just, it gets dicey. We got a call here. Let's take this one. Here we go. Hey, Theo, this is Dylan.

I'm in the U.S. Army. And I just want to let you know I'm a normal man. And that's it. Love you, brother. Well, that's good, man. I think that's, I think it's,

I think it's really good, I guess. You know, and I appreciate that call too, Dylan. Normal man. What is that? Dylan is a normal man. I don't know. I know I've introduced myself to women like that,

and that is a scary, they don't like that. Hey, I'm a normal man. They don't like – or hey, I'm not a bad guy. Some of that kind of – it's not a good way to do it with the women I've found. I remember one time I followed this woman in San Francisco for like four blocks, and I finally caught up to her, this fast woman. I finally catch up to her, and I was like, hey, I'm not like a creeper or a pervert or something.

And she fucking flipped out, dude. And I was trying to just, you know, talk to her, but I don't know. I'd never even been in that city before. And also, you know who spilled wine on me? He used to play quarterback. Who are some former quarterbacks, Trevin, if you can look it up for the San Francisco 49ers?

I thought his name was... Brock Purdy? Nope. Trey Lace? Jimmy Garoppolo? Okay, someone does not follow football. No, previous. Earlier. After Joe. Who y'all got after Joe in there?

Steve Young? Nope. Jeff Garcia? Jeff Garcia Jeff Garcia there we go Jeff Garcia spilled wine on a damn brand new Banana Republic lime green button up I had

that bitch was fire and I was so excited to wear it and he spilled wine on it pretty nice wine I thought uh Malbat okay thank you Dylan take care of yourself buddies uh, Malbat. Okay. Thank you,

Dylan. Take care of yourself, buddies. Take care of yourself. Um, here, we got a, uh,

call right here. Hey, Theo, man, I've got this, I've got this topic, this story. I just need to get off my chest and it's,

it's shit in your pants in front of a female and it's happened to me a couple times but one one time I really remember we had some panda express the night before and I'm I'm just getting to know her you know a couple dates and everything was good you know in in the night and I wake up in the morning for work i'm like man i gotta i gotta relieve this pressure in my bowels but i'm late for work i don't know this girl that well i don't do that to her bathroom so i leave and i get about halfway to my car and i'm like yeah this was a mistake um i don't know what to do now i'm looking around for a shrub or whatever we're wearing. A shrub? What are you in, Zelda or something?

Onward? Apartment complex. So there's not much cover to get around. So I'm thinking, man, I just got to do it right here by my door. So I'm looking around. While I'm looking around about to do it, she comes walking out on the on the like on the deck or whatever you know waving my phone at me hey you left your phone dummy so i'm like i start walking over there and i get about halfway through i'm like throw it down throw the phone down to me

throw it down no just come up here silly i. I'm like, no, fucking throw the phone down now. There's nothing worse than when someone calls you silly when you have to shit. There's not, it's like, do you, there is nothing silly about me, lady. I am going through, I am reenacting that movie 300 right now in my pants. And you're fucking calling me, oh, hey, silly, you don't want your food. I will fucking shit one of your windows open.

Okay? Onward. As I'm yelling at her, I'm not going up these steps. I'm just seeping. Seepage. Coming out, she comes down, finally gives me a hug, gives me my phone. Bro, is there,

bro, if you let somebody hug you while you have shit yourself, dude, you, you sir are messed up, man. You're a messed up dude, bro.

And I don't say that kind of stuff to people a lot, but that's insane, man. Letting somebody hug you while you've shit on yourself. Write that down. And then read it a couple times. Jesus. And I'll turn around.

And I'm sure she saw those skid marks. Yep. Look. I think it's your issue, bub. That's what I think. I think you got to... I don't know what you got to do, man. I got no suggestion for you, bro.

Dear God. Oh. Oh, I can't. Now it just makes me scared to hug anybody. And you're doing that to people, dude. But be well. You know, one thing that gets me sometimes is nightmares. I'll be laying there. I'll be shut down and bam, the devil sends some thoughts. The devil sends a story. The devil sends some thoughts. The devil sends a story. I don't want that. It's the same thing with my credit cards.

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Learn how at interact.ca slash for business. Terms and conditions apply. All right. I am grateful, really, right now. You know, I want to talk to people that have been through something. I want to feel something on this show. I want to talk to men and women that have had a walk that a lot of others don't have, that have been through a journey. I want to talk to some miracles, you know, God's little Easter bunnies.

and if you know someone who people would consider a miracle, something they've been through, it could be anything, avalanche, electrical storm, anything, drowning, reincarnation, anything. If you know somebody like that, have them hit the hotline. Nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, zero three. Or you can hit it and just say, Hey, this person, but make sure that they're cool with it. I'm not cold calling down, you know, you know, I'm not going to be cold calling a bunch of amputees or not. Um, but yeah, we've just, I want to talk to people that have just stood right there

on the welcome mat of heaven or hell. And I want to get close to something on this show, close to something real. And we're going to talk today to one. We got a man. I'll show a clip from the past, from when he first called into the show, our boy Dalton, trained victim. And I'm looking forward to talking to this man. What's going on?

My name is Dalton. I've been listening to the show off and on for a while now. You mentioned something about your uncle, or I forget who, got hit by a train. I can relate because when I was in high school, it was probably like 10 years ago, I was actually hit by a train on the way to school. I was walking to school and I lived and, uh, yeah, I don't know if you want me to, I can send you. Damn.

Send me what? You're going to send me some arms, son. I'm just joking, man. Wow. On the line there, Dalton. Can you hear me? I can hear you, brother. What's up, baby?

There he is, man. You're a? I can hear you, brother. What's up, baby? There he is. Man, you're a miracle brother. Hey, living a miracle. Wow, baby. That little boxcar bad boy, son. That rail baby. All day. Hey, yes, man. Dude, I feel uplifted even just seeing you, man. Thanks for joining us for a little bit today. Thanks for having me. Yeah, man. So, you know, you've had a really unique experience that other people haven't had. You've been hit by a train and it just doesn't happen to folks. Can you take us through some of that? Yeah, no problem. So when I was in, it was in high school, I was in high school about 10 years ago. And when I would walk to school, there was a set of train tracks that every kid would have to cross to get to school.

Oh, yeah. Them risk sticks, baby. That's what those are, son. Gang, baby. Dang. Okay. Sorry for interrupting you. Go on. It's high school.

You're out there. You're walking to school. Yeah, no problem. Yeah, so in my mind, I've never seen a train go by on these train tracks. Very seldomly does a train go by on these train tracks. And it was right after Christmas, and I got a big set of headphones for Christmas. Yeah. And I was walking to school, and I would know when to look up. It's like across the street, look both ways. But this set of train – I'm not – I'm saying it's mostly my fault that this happened. I'm not blaming anybody for this, but i was looking down with headphones on

and the train was going very slow and when i uh think about it if there was a camera on the situation what had to have happened was the train's going like this and i'm walking like this and I'm walking like this and perfect timing. I step on the track, train runs over my foot, hits me in the head. It was only two carts long, so it wasn't a long train, but I went underneath and then I popped back out. Sorry, you went right under it, huh? Yeah. And then I popped back out, and then I woke up, and then somebody seen the whole situation. Somebody had to flag the train down. Wow, they didn't even stop. I didn't even see what was going on.

Now, what song were you listening to? I was listening to Ozzy, Revelation, Mother Earth. Dang. That's kind of heavy metal yes heavy metal on the heavy metal yeah bro that's really wild I mean that's almost like your ears are asking for it they wanted that you know they wanted the the heart the they wanted some real percussion going on they wanted that heavy percussion section um were you conscious after you come out the bottom of it? I woke up after like, just beside the tracks, I woke up, I spit up blood. I lifted up my leg and my leg was like completely like just limp. Like everything was shattered in there and it was just completely limp. Like a tongue almost, huh?

Basically, yeah. A long tongue. And so did it knock your shoes off or anything? See, this is the weird part. Yeah, it knocked my shoes off and the shoes were completely fine. So I kept wearing those. You kept wearing them? Well, like after I got out of the hospital, you know, good pair of shoes.

I mean, I think I'd get, I'd feel like I'd burn everything, but I like your attitude. You're just going to go right back in there. And that's one thing that I really did admire about you, man, was some of your attitude. I remember whenever you called in, you said that you'd been hit by a train and some of the positive effects that had come out of that. And that if you, if you could do it again that you would do it again you'd run it back absolutely um i honestly think that if somebody could go through a near-death experience and survive obviously very healing process like it's almost like god you know sat me down and said you got to take this more seriously. You know, like I, you know, try and live like, you know, I hope for tomorrow, but you never know.

Yeah. It's like God saying, I chew, chew, choose you dog. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. Now, what are some things that kind of happened to you? Like, uh, what are some of the, like, um, uplifting thoughts and attitudes? What, what positives kind of happened inside of you after that? Like what adjusted if anything did? Well, I kind of felt like before that, like I was in high school and I was a kid before that I was kind of like on autopilot and, you I would just you know I didn't know who I was and I was just kind of on autopilot in life and after that experience you know it really showed me that you know I had to come into my own character and showed me that life is important you know like um made me it's a part of who I am and it made me who I am. I wouldn't change it at all.

I don't know where I'd be if that wouldn't happen. If that didn't happen. Wow. That's really, it's just such a fascinating take on it, man. Cause I think to be honest, there's a lot of folks out there that, that are, that would like to, I think get hit by a train, but aren't willing to put in the time, you know, aren't willing to really, you know, put their nuts on the, you know, in the basket or whatever, you know, the 10,000 hours. Yeah. Yeah. They're not willing to really show up and do the work. Um, did it help you in any sense with the ladies or anything that was there any kind of, did it have an effect on people? Other people, you know, it is kind of a weird situation it has been a weird situation i am

that guy that got hit by a train hell yeah i walk into the bar oh you're that guy that got hit by a train i'm like yeah you know it happens but uh on the ladies side you know like people are interested or like it's interesting but you know like i don't know it hasn't uh i haven't gotten any more or any less ladies because of it i'd like to think because of my character yeah well it's funny i feel like you and i almost look the same i feel like you and me are some somewhat versions of each other in some sense man um now did it hit your penis or anything did you any of your body get mangled like that did your wieniener get hit out, or whatever? No, fortunately not.

Basically, just my foot. You want to see it? Oh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I think I do. Hell yeah. So, this freaks the kids out when I show them, but... Yeah, but fuck the kids, man.

Whoa, boy! Damn, you got that eternal peace sign son so yeah i lost three toes and this is a skin graft on top oh from my leg like from uh my thigh and the weird part is his hair grows on this now because it's from my leg. Oh, that's awesome. So I'm like, do I shave my foot or? Hell yeah. Grow a little soul patch on there. S-O-L-E. Dude, that's phenomenal, man. I love your attitude. Did it adjust the way that you interact with people afterwards? Did it have any effect on that? I could really see that happening. everybody knows it's like, and I understand how crazy it is for somebody to see somebody. It's like, Oh, they got hit by a train. But, uh, the way I act towards people is I'm always talking about, you know, life and God in this, in that, and, you know, sometimes people get weirded out,

but you know, this is, this is the game of life. Yeah, man. It is important. Do you feel like God was reaching out to you? Absolutely. Knocked me off my horse and said, you need to take this game of life seriously. Wow. Wow, that's interesting.

Do you feel like it made you more religious? It really tied it really taught just, you know, tied your shoelaces directly to the Lord's, you know, uh, long hair. Absolutely. Um, I don't believe in, I believe all gods are real, you know, whatever you believe is real. And, you know, that experience made me really feel like there is an architect. There is something out there planning things, putting tracks in front of things. Amen, baby. All the Lord. You know what I'm saying, boy. Let's get it, dude.

Wow, man. Well, dude, it's just – I love your attitude, man. Getting to see you. I've been wanting to for a while. I've just been kind of like kind of getting well, just taking care of myself and been having a lot of guests on. But I really wanted to connect back with you, man. You've been on my mind just because your attitude about saying, hey, man, run it back. If I can have an experience that brings me that close to realizing the value of my existence that I'm

willing to almost do that, that there's, that there must be such a value in that, huh? I mean, it must feel really, cause you, you can't just get that. You can't just create that. Absolutely. Like I would equate it to like maybe, you know, a psychedelic experience or like it really makes, it makes me at least like, I don't know anybody else in their psyche, how they would react to it. But for me, it makes me feel the weight of every day. Amen. And that, you know, this is the one shot. We only get one shot, one opportunity. This is it, dude.

Mom's spaghetti, son. I feel you, bro. Well, look, man, I'd love to check in with you again, man. We'll send you some merch and stuff like that and just get you dripped out. We don't have any dope ass socks for you, but we'll see what we can do, man. And just thanks for being alive, man. see what we can do, man. And just thanks for being alive, man. Um, do you accredit anything inside of you that you feel like, uh, do you feel like you were the guy that was supposed to get hit by a train? If people would have said before, who's supposed to get hit by a train, you think

people would have picked you or you think you just really, you know, just caught that lucky, uh, fucking long bus, you know? I honestly think it was supposed to be me, man. Like my, my mental strength, like I believe that, you know, I'm mentally strong, not like I'm not trying to like boast or anything, but you know, This is your life. Look, dude, you got hit by the train. You guys, your time to tell us. I just,

I don't know if the average person would be able to handle this and walk away from it. You know, normal. I remember when they wheeled me, cause I was in a wheelchair, they wheeled me into the psych ward and I'm just like, they're trying,

they're trying to see if I'm like mentally this, that or whatever. Yeah. And I'm like, like, I'm not having this, like, you know,

I was, it was a weird experience, but yeah, it'm not having this. Like, you know, it was a weird experience. But, yeah, it didn't affect me. Funny thing is, is when I'm watching movies with my friends and there's somebody gets hit by a train in the movie, everybody looks to me. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, what, guys?

Come on. It's only a train. I beat that train. Yeah. It's one train, baby. Yeah. You fucking want to come back with something bigger, you know, like, yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude.

I want to see a UFO fucking land on your back, son. I'm ready for a fucking blimp to hit you, dog. I'm afraid to take you to the Superbowl. Led Zeppelin. Yeah, bro. I think anything's ready bro you'll catch a missile in your mouth son you could do whatever you want absolutely it did make me think of this just a second ago you were talking about uh what did you say just a second ago before you're talking

about your friends the psych ward they wheeled me into the psych ward they tried to make you crazy yes wow they tried to think you was like retarded or whatever because you've been hit by a train. Absolutely. You want to hear something else crazy too? Yeah. This was at the beginning of the whole opiate epidemic, right? This nurse came into the doctors or into the hospital and she's like, we're going to prescribe you Oxycontin. And I was like, no,

no, I smoke marijuana for my pain. And then she, I'll never forget this till the day I die. She's like, Oxycontin is healthier than marijuana. Wow. And I was just like,

can I get a new nurse? This is, this woman is insane. Like, you know, this is, can I get this bitch a train? Somebody ordered this bitch a train somebody ordered this bitch a train

bruh because that's it's unbelievable that someone that any human would think that absolutely it was insane they were truly selling it like it blew my mind yeah wow man well it's it's funny you die i mean that that I mean, that's a dirtier train to dodge right there, man. You dodged that one. Wow. Well, dude, man, I love your attitude, man. I'd love it if we could check in with you every now and then and just kind of see what's going on. Where do you live at?

I live in like around Niagara Falls, Canada. So like right at the border basically that's nice it's nice up there yeah it's nice uh niagara falls one of the seven wonders of the world i'm i've seen it so many times that it's just normal to me but can you drink off it or you can't get that close to it pardon do i drink off can you drink off of it if you get close to it or you can't get that close to it? Pardon? Do I drink off? Can you drink off of it if you get close to it or can you have to stay far back? Yeah, you can taste it on your lips, definitely. But you couldn't get

a full sip, but you can get a half sip. That's fair, I guess. Any of your senses heightened after getting hit by that train? Anything? Do you feel like you have any unique, I don't want to say powers, but that's what people are going to say. Okay. Do you have any

unique sense or any sense, any heightened senses or slash powers? Absolutely. Like I was saying, like, um, I feel the weight of every day a lot more like uh i was reading this book and there was soldier uh it was about soldiers in world war ii and uh they were at the point where they knew they were in a situation where they knew they were gonna die there was no if ands or buts. They know they're going to die. And because of that, every moment is sweeter. Your next meal means everything. Your next kiss means everything in the world. And people, these soldiers almost like that feeling of you could die at any moment. And I don't claim to be like a red dot on my head. Like, you know, I'm going to die in this moment. And I don't, I don't claim to be like, you know, like, like a red dot on my head,

like, you know, I'm going to die in this moment, but I sort of feel like I, you know, feel the weight of life a lot more, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Like there's just a, like, it's got a, everything has a lot stronger taste to it. every moment absolutely wow yeah man you're out there baby that little rail monkey dalton yeah run it back two trains baby look man i'm proud of you dude and i'm glad to meet you glad to meet you too theo Theo. You know, you're an inspiration to all of us creatives, especially because you're a comedian and you know, you make, you, you're not some glossy thing where you, you're a real person and you show us all that we can make it being us, you know, and you show us all that we can make it being us, you know, we don't have to be this, uh, bigger than life thing. We can be us. Well, thanks, man. I appreciate that. Yeah. I'm just

trying. Yeah. I'm just, it's hard to be anybody, you know, it's hard to be. Yeah. It's hard to be, it's a real challenge. It feels like sometimes. And, um, that's nice you to say, man, I appreciate it. Uh, and yeah, I think you do the same, man.

You make me feel like, Hey, it's okay. If I only got, you know, um, you know, if I'm,

if I'm missing toes or I'm growing a fucking, uh, sideburn on my fucking foot, baby, let's go. Got to get that manscaped yeah we'll have to set you up i don't know if they make anything to cover that brother fucking missing out you should sue them

thank you bro it's nice to make your acquaintance and um when we get up there to a show man we'll have to have you come out and uh so you and i can get to meet in person man absolutely i've been waiting for you to come to canada man yeah we'll get up there soon my tour manager is from uh ontario london ontario okay yeah that's i've been there that's close so um he'll get me up in that area soon man but uh but yeah we'll do something nice then we'll send you one of these bobbleheads dude, and get you out there and get you some, uh, some items or something that you want. And, uh, just thank you, bro. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. And, um, fuck yeah, dude. If somebody can get hit by a train and just keep on just trucking, then I can do that today. You know? So thank you, dog. Love you, Theo. Love you too, man. Godspeed, one love. Amen, baby. You're a miracle.

Thanks, Dalton. Thank you. A miracle right there. A miracle. And we got to listen to them. And we got to learn from them. Man, I'm grateful for that today. It's a real perspective switch, you know.

It's a real perspective switch you know it's a real perspective switch it makes my problems I mean my problems seem like micro machines right there when you got a fella that's just damn that's just getting trained out man that's just getting trained out. Man.

Grateful to be alive today. Grateful to exist on this planet. Working on staying in gratitude myself, you know. Still battling some anger here and there. Some, I don't know if it's ego or just, you know, thinking things are supposed to be a certain way. Expectation, you know, I'd love to not approach the day with a lot of expectation. I'd love to just sit there and watch God paint, you know. But usually I want to get up and I want to open up this color and this color.

And, you know, I'll see what he does. I'm only giving him four colors, you know. I'm giving him this brush. I want the wide brush. I want the, instead of just sitting back and saying, all right. brush. I want the wide brow. I want the, instead of just sitting back and saying, all right, let me see what magic this big dog is going to do with the canvas of my life. You know, what's he going to paint? What's he going to put out there?

And just not to look for the end product, but to enjoy the colors along the way. You guys be good to yourselves. Man, you deserve it. You can hit the hotline, 985-664-9503. I know we owe a couple calls about some anger. A gentleman had called in a while back about anger he was dealing with, and I want to get some response calls for him. Didn't get to it today, but we will in the future. Thank you guys for supporting my podcast and being a part of my life.

Yeah, I think that's all we got today. Love y'all, man. Gang. Gang. Love y'all, man. Gang. This is... This is... There is a light.

By the Stone Keepers. David Manuel. I love that hit, but you know what, man? That's not getting me all the way there. I'm going to finish out the way we came in, baby. You know? I'm on a coma Yeah Feels real good out there, I've been so blue

Mm-hmm I'm on a coma I'm on a karma. I'm on a karma. It feels so good to have a brand new view. I'm on a karma. Well, I just broke up with my baby. Now I can finally get to loving you

Yeah, yeah You and I Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street When the mayor came and said to me You're on the comma You're on the comma And it's plain to see Between you and me

We got so much love and chemistry. It's on the come up. It's on the come up. Well, good things keep on coming. And there ain't gonna be no running. No, I'm on the come up. It's on the come up. Well, I just got home and now I'm back. I got so many people asking where I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll

be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else.

So great. Hi, sweetheart. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Do you know what I mean? I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.